Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shotaro once again woke up in the morning feeling sick to his stomach. With a sigh, he rolled over and sat up so he could bury his face in the palms of his hands, massaging his cheeks with his thumbs. He'd felt like this every morning for the past month and it was getting old very fast. He couldn't remember a time where he’d woken up and didn't feel like curling up into a ball, hiding under the blankets, and forgoing responsibilities. It sounded very tempting to do, especially today considering this was the worst he'd ever felt before, but he couldn't afford to commit to that. He had to go to work so he could afford life, and that was his sad reality. 

Shotaro had to brush it off for now and get ready for his day. So he did just that, changing from pajama bottoms to jogging bottoms and one t-shirt to another, adding a hoodie on top, followed by lacing up his favorite sneakers to finish the look. His job didn't require much dressing up since he was a dance instructor for a dance academy and it was a perk he liked about the profession. He was thankful for it the most today when he needed to feel wrapped up and comfortable. He could pretend like he was laying in bed when he was warm and wearing soft material. 

Entering his kitchenette to grab something to eat, Shotaro felt his stomach roll in nausea before he could even reach the fridge and he couldn't bring himself to ingest anything. He grabbed a banana just in case he improved before arriving at the studio but the thought of food going into his mouth had his throat closing up in protest. He would benefit from eating of course but he couldn't force his body to do it. 

Shotaro was really getting sick of being so sick. He'd been in Korea for four months and yet his body still hadn't adjusted to the differences from his home country. The culture, the air, and even the water were so different. Shotaro told himself that living in Japan for twenty-three years and then suddenly moving out of the country could have its effects on someone. He figured he just wasn't used to Korean summers, even though they weren't much different from Japan's summers. Maybe it was the idea of being away from where he grew up? Surely he would adjust soon, he just had to make it past the summer months and heat. He preferred it cooler anyway. 

Shotaro had to leave so he could catch his bus ride to the dance academy. Being late would lead to his class being delayed and then he would have a bunch of irritated students on his hands. He didn't want that. Their dance lessons were an important part of their day and having their divided time for the subject shortened due to Shotaro being late was not what he wanted in the slightest. He was going to show up early, stretch, and get ready to teach his students. Shotaro made sure to grab his backpack, water bottle, and keys before leaving, carrying his singular banana in hand in case his stomach decided to cooperate any time soon. His body felt heavy from fatigue but he could make it through the day. Once he was up and moving it would improve and he could forget about his morning's less than favorable start. He took a swig from his water bottle, hoping it would settle at least the ache in his stomach. Sadly, it didn't; there was no change. 

The bus ride had been uneventful and after sitting down Shotaro was able to eat his banana, taking slow and cautious bites in case his gag reflex decided to act up. It had been enough food for him at the time and he felt the tiniest bit better as though food had been the answer, until he stood up again and his body reminded him how unwell he was, stomach turning in anger. He felt truly sick now, but he was at his stop and he had to get off. There was no time to stall and collect himself in the aisle. 

The studio wasn't far from the bus stop thankfully and the short walk was enough to help calm the storm raging inside him. He had far too many close calls this morning and it had him worrying about the classes he had ahead of him. This was the worst he's been since this mystery illness, for lack of a better term, started and that was troubling him. Shotaro said a short prayer to himself that he could make it through until his last class. Then he could get as sick as his body wanted to at home. 

But it was starting to look like the universe was not on his side that day. Setting first foot into the studio had him recoiling back into himself, soul nearly leaving his body. It was disgustingly warm inside, sticky, and humid from the two classes that had already happened before he arrived and it was unsettling. It smelled like sweaty bodies and students worked hard and the smell was really bothering him. The air conditioning in the building had been on the fritz since last week but the temperature inside the dance academy practice rooms had been warm at most. But this already hot morning had taken its toll on the students and inside the walls of Shotaro's workplace, leaving it sweltering and muggy. There were fans placed everywhere in the foyer but none seemed to help the situation. It was unpleasantly stuffy and odorous, and it had Shotaro's stomach returning to its previous disposition. 

He was intensely overwhelmed and stood still for a few moments to try and compose himself and his stomach, then focusing on his employer as he walked into the front foyer with a ridiculous smile on his face. Typical behavior of his, "Good morning, Shotaro san!" Yuta greeted in Japanese, knowing Shotaro wasn’t entirely too comfortable speaking Korean yet. He did his best to help teach him useful Korean but learning a language was hard and he understood that the most. Sometimes it was comforting hearing someone speak your native language so you didn’t have to think. Yuta had planned to say more in the moment but he quickly noticed the pale look on the younger's face and concern grew in his demeanor, smile disappearing entirely as he frowned, "Are you doing okay? You don't look too great." 

Shotaro was indeed not feeling great. Not at all as a matter of fact, but he couldn't even formulate that thought into words before he was rushing forward and pushing past Yuta towards the bathroom closest to where they stood. Yuta, jostled and shaken, followed quickly after the confusion cleared from his thoughts, knowing exactly what was about to happen based on Shotaro’s reaction. His friend needed his help and possibly his comfort, and he was going to deliver the best he could. 

His body worked on autopilot and Shotaro crashed to his knees in front of the toilet bowl, his body taking no time as it expelled the banana that sat so heavily like a rock in his stomach. It hurt coming back up and his brain was begging his body to stop, the shake in his hands translating to his arms and torso. It was similar to panicking but his body was aware of what was happening and clung so desperately to his sanity. His head was starting to pound in pain, throat raw and parched as his body tried to recover. 

While Shotaro had felt consistently sick over the past month he had been able to push past it every day without fail. This was the first time he had thrown up anything and of all times to choose and be this level of sick, it was just before a lesson he had to teach. This was evidently not his morning. 

Yuta made his way quickly to Shotaro's side after he locked the bathroom door behind him, falling to his own knees as one hand went to rub between Shotaro's shoulder blades to maybe help ease his body into relaxation. He stayed silent, knowing Shotaro wouldn't listen or be able to respond to what he had to say when he was a little more than occupied with his body's violent retching. He wished he could do something more but he was at a loss. There was nothing for him to do. 

Eventually, Shotaro's body was able to calm down and cease all the vomiting. Relief washing over him, Shotaro was able to rest his muscles for once and ease the forced strain on his body, falling back onto his feet with his face buried in his hands. His jaw hurt now and his throat was begging for water and succor after such exertion. Yuta handed him some tissues to wipe his mouth and nose, something Shotaro was thankful for. Sudden embarrassment washed over him. He had just thrown up in front of his employer, the person he sees every weekday and the person who pays him. He saw him struggle and so weak and they were friends yes but Shotaro didn't want Yuta to see him at one of his low points. 

"Are you okay now?" Yuta asked cautiously, in case Shotaro needed to throw up again. He wanted to give the younger some time to compose himself, but the concern was killing him. One hand continued to rub his back, slow circles right between his shoulder blades in hopes that he was doing something, "Still feel sick?" 

Shotaro was still feeling nauseated and the exhaustion washing over him made him feel as though he could sleep for a week. His stomach was still swirling in anger, but he felt much better after getting that ick out of his system. Yuta's hands were helping greatly, "I think I'm okay now," he scooted back until he was sitting on his butt, much more comfortable than kneeling on the hard tile. He folded his legs over each other and hunched forward to rest his back and aching core, "I didn't wake up feeling very well," he groused, braving a glance at Yuta. He noted the frown on his features and it had his chest caving in out of embarrassment. 

"Why did you come in if you weren't feeling 100% yourself?" the older asked cautiously, brows still furrowed in curiosity. The typical reaction to feeling ill was to stay home, yet here Shotaro was ready to teach his handful of classes for the day. That wasn't normal and he preferred Shotaro had stayed home and rest. 

Shotaro wanted to give him the exact reason why he came in. He didn't want to miss out on pay because he couldn't afford it, but he didn't need a pity party when he was already having one. He was frustrated, embarrassed, and he felt ill, and it was a lot to deal with when he was so distracted. He couldn't help the way his eyes started to itch as tears welled up, Yuta growing blurry in his vision, "I'm sorry," his voice cracked and shook, resolve wavering as he started to unfold. 

"What are you apologizing for?" Yuta's demeanor dropped into a pitiful frown, voice careful, not liking that Shotaro was that upset. He was growing anxious himself at how his friend was acting, "This isn't something you can control." 

"I know," Shotaro sniffled, using the heel of his hand to brush away the tears that were growing close to falling, "I just don't think you want to see me like this when you need me teaching and when I need the money. In fact, I have a class I have to get to," he had a good ten minutes left until he had to warm up with his students, an advanced class that was one of his most rigorous. He would need to do his own warming up, and it would take longer with how he was still feeling. He needed to go and he made a move to stand up but Yuta held him down in his place by the shoulder. Shotaro wasn't getting away that easily. 

"I don't mind you being sick and calling off, I just wish you'd told me so we could work through it. I'd prefer it if you felt your best and weren't throwing up in my studio," Yuta smiled sympathetically. He wasn't aiming to make Shotaro feel guilty, just lighten the mood, "From now on, if you aren't feeling well, don't come in. You have paid sick days, I could just give you the ones you need and you'd be fine," Shotaro was a well-experienced dance instructor and from that gained experience, he was eligible for paid sick days. If he was worried about money, there really wasn't a problem and it was something Yuta would take care of. 

That made Shotaro feel a little better, but there was another problem, "If I called off every time I felt ill then I wouldn't have come in the past few weeks," Shotaro hadn't meant to let that detail slip past his mouth, but he caught himself too late. It was out there now and Yuta had heard it, and now his eyes were wide and shocked. 

"You've been sick for the past few weeks?" Yuta asked, body rigid in surprise. He hadn't heard a word of any discomfort before; Shotaro just wasn't that kind of person. The younger hadn't even looked sick any of the days he came in so Yuta had no clue. 

"Close to that... Maybe a month," Shotaro admitted sheepishly, one hand going to grab his wrist. His nails started to scratch lightly at his skin, shame and embarrassment eating at his soul. He couldn't hold eye contact anymore, it was too difficult, "But not sick enough to throw up. It's only been today," adding that small detail was his last hope of downplaying the situation. He frantically did not want Yuta to overreact, even though the older had every reason to. 

"That's a long time, Taro," far too long, and laughable if it weren't so serious, "Have you seen a doctor at all?" Yuta asked, keeping his head level. He didn't want to overwhelm his younger friend after the morning he'd had. Well, more like the past month. He was amazed that he'd gone this long in all honesty. He should have gone after the second day of feeling ill. 

Shotaro shook his head, "No," he kept his eyes locked on his lap, still refusing to meet Yuta's eyes. He twiddled his thumbs, keeping his hands busy to keep his fidgeting at bay. He wanted to get up and leave but he knew that wasn't an option, "I haven't." 

"Why not? You need to see one," Yuta demanded softly. He still didn't want to raise his voice in case Shotaro would cower further into himself. This was no longer a time of scolding, it was a deep dive into Shotaro's thought process and fears, "What's stopping you?" 

Shotaro shifted his shoulders, helping straighten out his upper back after having slumped forward for so long. He sighed, letting himself release his anxieties with less hesitation, "I'm afraid of going to a doctor's appointment and not being able to communicate properly," he revealed with a grouse. His Korean was still very subpar and if he was being honest with himself, he could barely get by. That fact alone made him nervous to talk to people around him, he couldn't imagine explaining his situation to a doctor effectively, "It'll be a nightmare for me." 

It was Yuta's turn to sigh, shaking his head, "That's a little silly. You're just avoiding it then," he clarified, seeing Shotaro's true heart, "Clinics have plenty of services for you if you can't speak Korean well. Surely you know that, and surely that's not what's truly stopping you." 

Shotaro did know that, but whether or not he had that available to him, going to a doctor was never pleasant. It was a little scary to him and doctors were never his favorite, especially ones that didn't speak his language, "But I've only thrown up once; it can't be that bad. I'm fine. I think I'm just literally homesick," he takes a moment to reminisce on his home country and how much easier it is there for him than it is here in Korea. For the time being; he had ambitions to reach, "It's hard adjusting to a place you don't know." 

Hearing that, Yuta felt his heart shatter. Being sick was the worst, but being so sick for so long so far away from your family was even worse. Yuta understood more than anyone how he felt, but even if it was homesickness, Shotaro chose to come out here and he chose all the trials he would endure. Avoiding a doctor wasn't going to do him any good, "If you're worried about communication then I can go with you and translate. It'll be easier if you have a friend there with you," Yuta's Korean was nearly fluent, he had studied hard before his arrival to the country. He would be of great help to Shotaro in the long run, and he would help Shotaro feel comfortable in a setting that always made him feel uncomfortable. 

"You don't have to," Shotaro immediately shook his head, feeling his stomach settle some more. Yuta always made him feel calm, even when he was having a good day and wasn't anxious. For the moment, he was definitely anxious, "It's not your problem to worry about."

"If you need me then I will go with you," Yuta insisted, placing a comforting hand on Shotaro's shoulder, thumb rubbing against the fabric of his shirt, "I'd rather you go with someone you can trust and rely on. Please go see a doctor, and I'll happily go with you." 

Shotaro sighed, taking a second to think before his response was, "I'll think about it," but he didn't intend to. He still had to muster up the courage to go at all let alone with Yuta at his side. He didn't want to think about it now though, he had a class to teach, "But first, I should go to class and warm-up," he was cutting it close with time, but he could fit in a few stretches in the time he had remaining. There were certainly students already in the practice room doing their own stretches before they had to do routine warm-ups as a class. Shotaro was supposed to be the first one present, today that was not the case and he felt disappointed in himself for that. 

But Yuta held him down again, a firm hand on his shoulder, "I don't think you can teach today, nor do I want you to. I should send you straight home," Shotaro needed rest to recover, and constantly working was not going to help him improve. No way was he staying in the building a second longer, "Grab your bag and go." 

"Absolutely not," Shotaro exclaimed, hopping to his feet despite the fact that he was still queasy. He was a little wobbly at first, further proving that he needed to sit down and not dance, but the reminder of getting his paycheck was a convincing motivator. He squeezed past Yuta and went on his way, "I also can't go a day without dancing. If you make me walk out of the studio I will lose my actual mind," that was probably true, Shotaro never went a day without at least creating on the spot choreographies to his favorite songs. He could count the few days he hadn't danced in his whole life on one hand. 

"Shotaro," Yuta groused, getting up to follow his friend. He caught up to him quick and had to stop the younger before he passed through the doorway leading out towards the practice rooms. He stuck an arm out, blocking his path, "I'll let you stay, but if you throw up one more time I am taking over and you will not be teaching the rest of the day," it was a threat and Yuta was getting the point across. Shotaro was pushing Yuta to the edge and he knew that, so he was going to listen and stay in line for now, "Do you understand me?"

"I do," Shotaro nodded, ignoring the way his stomach flipped once more. It wasn't in the same way that made him want to sprint back to the bathroom but in the way that made him nervous. He might just have to throw up again, but he didn't want to do that and if he did end up running back to the bathroom to vomit, he would be going home and missing out on pay. For now, he had to play it off and convince Yuta he was fine now. 

And he did so successfully for his first class. He was able to put on a convincing smile and dance his best all while pretending as though he hadn't thrown up his breakfast down the hall. His nausea seemed to pass until it returned with a vengeance. Near the end of his second class, his resolve was starting to crumble and it wasn't until their class block was finished that he left the practice room and returned to the bathroom, feet growing faster the closer he stepped. He promptly threw up the water he had gulped down during class, tearing his throat up and building an uncomfortable pressure behind his eyes. This was now the second time he had thrown up since he started feeling sick and it was in the same day. Shotaro knew that wasn't good. 

Shotaro hadn't spent much longer in the bathroom and thought he was able to slide past Yuta's watch and carry on with the rest of the day. He prayed that he could pass this by, but it wasn't until he passed through the bathroom door that he was confronted with a worried yet stern-looking Yuta, arms crossed over his chest and a confident stance holding his body up. Shotaro slouched against the door jamb, brows furrowing in defeat. Looked like he was being sent home. He really tried his best to hide it though. 

---------

Shotaro entered the lobby of his apartment complex and exhaled heavily. It was a familiar smell and while it wasn't exactly pleasant, he did associate the smell as a teaser before he reached home and that was good enough for him. It was sufficient enough to get him the next few steps home. He was looking forward to laying in bed and sleeping off the headache that was starting to pound behind his eyes and in his ears. He wanted nothing more than a cup of tea, a well-deserved nap, and absolute quiet. 

He did slow his step and sigh at the stairs, however, losing his steam. While he was feeling better compared to earlier he was now weighed down by fatigue, muscles aching with every move. His apartment was on the second floor and had the elevator been working and not on the fritz he would have used it to get there. Shotaro had glared at the 'Sorry for the Inconvenience' sign and groused to himself. He was greatly inconvenienced and he would need to climb the single flight of stairs it took to get to his room. He momentarily wondered if he could do it but pushed himself until he was at the top, and once he reached his floor he was almost out of breath and his knees were hurting. It was so out of character, but he figured that would happen after running on water for the past few hours while intensely dancing. His body was exhausted and there was no fuel to feed off of. He figured he should try to eat something when he got to his apartment, but the idea didn't sit well with him. 

His apartment door was in sight and that motivated him further, feet moving the slightest bit faster to get inside so he could drop onto the couch and lay there until he could gain his energy back and then move to his bedroom once he had it in him. He could maybe change his shirt and bottoms but even that sounded like too much work. He would settle for the couch and bed for now, and then he would see what a nap would fix for him. 

A noise starting in the quiet hallway and the view of someone leaving their apartment knocked Shotaro out of his trance, breaking his eye contact with his front door so he could identify which neighbor he was going to give a quiet 'hello' to. He wasn't too familiar with most of the residents on his floor, and outwardly greeting people still had his stomach turning in anxiety. He could efficiently and effectively greet others very well, but the idea of messing even something as simple as that up was enough to hinder his abilities. 

But then he focused on who was entering the hall and felt relief wash over him. He felt the exhaustion that was eating at his muscles lift and the light in his eyes return; he felt himself smile and his spine straighten out as he collected himself again, happy to see who was now in his presence and making his day just that much more bearable. 

It was his very cute neighbor from the opposite side of the hallway, Sungchan, leaving his apartment with a very full laundry bag in hand, no doubt on the journey to the basement to do his week's washing. He was dressed in casual clothes, evidence that he'd spent the day at home, and his long fringe was tied up and out of his face. This was his go-to look when he wasn't in a professional setting, and Shotaro knew that best. 

Sungchan hadn't noticed Shotaro at first but when he looked away from locking his apartment's door, he smiled immediately at seeing his friend and set his bag down, propping it against the wall. His smile lit up in such a way that Shotaro couldn't help but try and match its intensity. Seconds earlier it felt impossible to do so with how tired he was but when Sungchan was in sight, it was effortless to smile so brightly. 

"Shotaro! Long time no see," he greeted in Japanese. The younger only spoke enough Japanese to get by in a few choice conversations and do well with greetings but it was enough and Shotaro highly appreciated the willing effort. Sungchan did his best to use what little he knew and what Shotaro had taught him for Shotaro's sake and it was so meaningful to him. It made his heart skip a beat at how selfless it was, "Come here," Sungchan invited, stretching his arms out wide for a hug. His smile was beaming, nose scrunching in delight as he invited Shotaro closer. 

Shotaro needed a hug and he was happy to receive one, picking up his dragging his feet so he could get to that warm hug sooner. He more or less fell into Sungchan's arms, chests pressed together with his head pressed flat to Sungchan's collarbone. Sungchan was so warm and while Shotaro was already warm from the July heat, this kind of warmth was better, more calming. Not hot and stuffy like how he felt now. It was comfortable and relaxing and made his heart slow and steady. 

But it soon seeped into his thoughts that he had acted too soon, going in for that hug without thinking thoroughly first. Although Shotaro hadn't felt the best the past month, now that he'd thrown up he didn't want to give Sungchan the worst of what he's been feeling. Shotaro wanted to pull away for Sungchan's health, but it was difficult to do so when hugging Sungchan had been the best part of his day. Nothing could beat it. And if he hadn't gotten Sungchan sick yet, there was the possibility he wasn't contagious, but if he was... He was internally conflicted with his own feelings. 

Luckily, he hadn't needed to make that decision for himself because Sungchan was slowly pulling away. Through that hug, Sungchan could feel the weight on Shotaro's shoulders and it was more than a little concerning. He didn't particularly want to pull away, but he had to, "Long day?" Sungchan guessed, letting his arms fall to his sides, hands digging into his pockets. 

Shotaro nodded. Even though he was home early for the day, it still had felt like an eternity, "It's too warm, and classes are starting to get busy," end of summer recitals were typical, and it was a stressful time on good days. On bad days it was hell, "I don't think my body is really truly adjusted or prepared," he'd fumbled on some words, switched word order, but he was able to get his point across in Korean. Sungchan understood and nodded with an endeared smile. Shotaro felt his own smile retaliate, happy to see the younger so cheery. It helped his overall mood and attitude. 

"You work so hard, Taro hyung," Sungchan stated, knowing very well Shotaro's dedication to his art and dedication to teaching children both young and old his craft. He was extremely talented and a perfectionist, something he admired about his older friend, "You deserve some time to yourself. It's hard being a master at something." 

"Thank you," Shotaro bowed respectfully, voice shrinking small at the complement. His cheeks blushed slightly and it was too adorable to handle. He never meant to be as cute as he was, being so naturally cute, and it was a sight to behold for those lucky enough, "I do my best," his brain almost went fuzzy, losing track of what a normal conversation consisted of. Sungchan was always on top of it though, wanting to hear more and more. 

"How have you been? Not too tired or stressed I hope," Sungchan pried next. He wanted to genuinely listen to how Shotaro was with everything going on, not caring to share his own side of things and instead encouraging Shotaro to continue. He had a far more interesting life than Sungchan's after all. 

Shotaro chuckled to himself. As though Sungchan didn't already know the answer to that question. He knew. The last time he had asked Shotaro that question had been two days ago and not much had changed since then. Still, Shotaro was flustered at the attention, not used to receiving so much. It had nervous butterflies fluttering in his tummy, "I'm pretty tired," was all he could say. He failed to mention how sick he was feeling now that it was slowly returning, but there was no need to worry his friend, "Nothing a nap couldn't fix," with his reality flooding back to the forefront of his mind, Shotaro could feel the world on his shoulders again. His stomach was turning and he felt the fatigue make his body slump. Funny how the mind could trick itself for such a short time. 

"I don't want to keep you from your nap for too long," Sungchan resigned, eyes going wide in guilt at keeping the older from getting that well-deserved rest. If he needed it then he should let him be. 

"It's okay," Shotaro shook his head, shy laugh sneaking out, "I have all afternoon," if he had it his way he would have been asleep by now, but this was a pleasant detour he wouldn't mind taking. 

"Better get started on it now then so you're not up too late tonight," Sungchan encouraged, stooping over to grab his discarded laundry bag and throwing it over his shoulder. He'd almost forgotten why he'd left his apartment in the first place, "I'll let you be." 

Shotaro wanted to argue but he really was exhausted and his body was begging and screaming for a nap. He couldn't deprive himself any longer or he would fall over right there, "Thank you," he nodded, stepping aside to give Sungchan more room to move, "I'll see you around, Sungchannie," a definite occurrence considering how close they were as neighbors. They saw each other several times a week, sometimes every day.

There was quite the distance between the two but it wasn't until Shotaro had his door unlocked with a foot in the doorway and one in the hallway with Sungchan at the top of the stairs before the younger of the two turned back around with a good-natured inquiry, "When you're feeling better, would you like to have dinner with me and maybe a movie on the couch?" his smile was hopeful and bright, shining just enough to pluck at Shotaro's heartstrings, "My roommate will be out all night," he mentioned off-handedly, strategically added in to help clarify his intentions. 

And of course Shotaro knew the implications of his words. A movie on Sungchan's couch meant sex and plenty of it. On nights like those it always started out with the two of them paying attention to the details and storyline of whatever movie they chose, but they could never finish the film without wandering hands that were begging for more interactions and burning touch. Neither men had seen the ending of any of the movies they'd tried watching together, too distracted by each other and their bodies. It happened every time they got together and it wasn't something either were complaining about. Sex is what brought them closer, a night where they could just relax and do something that was such a relief after the day's stress. Sex was the best kind of feeling, and their chemistry made it ten times better. 

This ongoing ordeal started the day Shotaro moved into the building. Shotaro had done the moving by himself and had little to no help when it came to taking his belongings into his new flat. He'd just come from Japan so he hadn't known anyone to help. He had no choice but to move what little belongings he had that were able to make it out to Korea and whatever he bought along the way by himself. And just his luck, and with the complex's history, the elevator had been out of order at that time too, and going up and down the stairs had been his only option. Shotaro had tried taking as few trips as possible but that wasn't going as well as he thought it would and had to make frequent stops to retrieve whatever he happened to drop or couldn't hold. Just when he was about to quit and sit defeated on the stair steps, Sungchan entered the complex to find a very frustrated and resigned looking Shotaro. He had offered to help with sparkling eyes and a selfless attitude and Shotaro shyly accepted his offer. Sungchan had greatly sped up the process and even when Shotaro was finished moving in and the younger wasn't needed anymore, that wasn't the last Shotaro would see of Sungchan. They became quick friends and good friends at that. And here they were now, benefiting from each other while still remaining on good terms. Sungchan had made such an impression on Shotaro that he couldn't help but want to join him on any given occasion. 

Shotaro would have loved to join Sungchan tonight for some one-on-one time, but he still felt so ill and the idea of having sex while feeling so did not sound pleasant in the slightest. Sex with Sungchan was usually so comforting and made Shotaro feel good, and it was a terribly tempting invite, but he was just so sick that he had to politely decline, "Maybe not tonight, I'm just a little too tired to think about anything other than eating and sleeping," he released a nervous laugh, hoping it wasn't too obvious. Although, thinking back on his statement, he could do without the eating with how hard his stomach was turning, "Ask me again tomorrow and the answer will be yes," he would surely feel better by tomorrow and all the fuss that was wasted on him today will have been all for naught. 

Sungchan nodded, charming smile peeking past those plump lips. Shotaro could taste them from where he stood, "Then I'll ask again tomorrow," Shotaro nodded, feeling his strength slip away by the second. He needed to get off his feet and crash onto the closest soft surface, "Sleep well, eat some good food, and don't miss me too much," he wished with a tender wave, gaze lingering and locking with Shotaro's.

"I'll do my best," Shotaro laughed, his own smile blinding and sweet even with how tired he was. He was the one who finally broke eye contact, finally stepping into his apartment and feeling his stresses melt away in his safe space. He leaned against the wall of his apartment, toeing off his shoes, too lazy to untie them and too lazy to bend down and pick them up. He left them where they landed and trudged to the couch in his sitting room, crashing onto the cushions and curling up, holding his stomach tightly. He had been looking forward to this all day long. 

Shotaro thought back on Sungchan's invite and he was sure he would feel better by the next day, he definitely would. Now that he'd actually thrown up, he figured he would feel a lot better and he could finally stop being so ill. Finally getting sick after being ill was probably the best thing that could happen to him. He was sure he'd be healed of whatever ailment had him in its clutches and he could go about daily life again, just like he used to. He missed being able to do that without hindering the effect it had on his body. He smiled, he'd be at Sungchan's tomorrow and it would be a well-deserved break for him.

Shotaro spent the rest of that evening sleeping and the only time he forced his body out of bed was to eat something, figuring it would be better for his body if he did so. Healing required fuel to go off of. He made something light: miso soup and some leftover rice he had stored in the freezer. It wasn't much but it was something, and that was all he could manage before feeling too sick to eat more. He'd then proceed to return to bed and sleep the nausea away. He already felt so much better than he had that morning and Shotaro was confident he was going to be okay again with some proper rest and time to himself. This was what he was waiting for and he could not have been more pleased. 

But it was all wishful thinking because the next morning was even worse. Exponentially worse and it was hilarious how awful he felt compared to the last month and the day before. That had been nothing from before, he was feeling it all now, and his body was protesting everything he had tried to do from the moment he woke up, which happened to be an hour before his alarm. He'd been up since then, laying on the cool tile of the bathroom floor, too afraid to leave in case he needed to vomit into the toilet again. He had tried once before and that had not ended that well, but luckily he made it back in time to not make a mess all over his floor. 

And as much as he hated to do it, Shotaro called in sick to the studio and was incredibly apologetic towards Yuta as he explained the situation and every dirty detail. Because he would be absent from the academy classes, the older would need to teach extra classes today and no one liked to do that. It was a lot of work and Yuta would surely become overwhelmed, and it would all be Shotaro's fault. The guilt that swarmed his stomach hurt his throat and made him feel exponentially worse than he already felt. 

But Yuta wasn't worried. He could handle a handful more classes easily and instead of worrying about himself and his full schedule at the academy, Yuta was understandably more worried about Shotaro's well-being. He was even sicker than yesterday, and after hearing he'd been sick for a month Yuta wanted to get to the bottom of whatever was going on. No one should go through that and act as though it was normal, "I'll stop by when I'm done for the day," which was earlier than the rest of the week. Fridays were always short days, no late classes to attend or teach, yet another perk of the job, "And I'll bring you something to eat that might help your stomach." 

Shotaro wanted to protest and tell his friend no, he didn't have to do that, but he didn't say what was on his mind, he just nodded to himself and accepted the help, "Text me before you get here so I can look a little more decent than I do right now," he didn't look too hot understandably. His hair was tied back and out of his face, he looked pale and had dark bags under his eyes, and he wasn't wearing pants, finding it far too hot to wear any, "And thank you," he almost whispered, pressing his cheek to the cold tile. It made his head feel a little better. 

"It's not a problem," Yuta assured, smiling on the other end, "Try to get some sleep, and drink as much water as you can. You don't need dehydration on top of being sick," whatever might be causing his ailment would not improve with Shotaro not being properly hydrated. Yuta made a mental note to grab an electrolyte drink to help his friend out with that. 

"I'll try my best," Shotaro nodded, although he wasn't so sure what he could manage with how he felt. He curled up into a tight ball, knees pressed to his chest as he felt the nausea return. He was starting to find it difficult to speak, throat closing up and mouth starting to water in preparation to vomit. 

They said their quick farewells and Shotaro was back to laying on the floor in silence as he tried to will the new wave of nausea away. He momentarily wondered if he was going to die from how ill he felt. He hoped he would so he didn't have to feel like this any longer. It was a long day of laying down, sipping on water, and eating the tiniest bites of bread so he wouldn't pass out from spending all the energy he didn't have. Seeing Yuta would be the highlight of his day. 

And just as he promised, after double his lessons, Yuta made his way to Shotaro's apartment complex with rice and light soup he picked up from some restaurant on the way to the building, adding a large bottle of the electrolyte drink he told himself to grab. He wasn't sure what Shotaro had in his possession but he brought everything just in case he needed it. He even grabbed some crackers in case that was easier for the younger to eat, knowing it was hard to stomach food when you were so sick. He was going to do everything in his power to help Shotaro out. 

Shotaro buzzed him in after Yuta made him aware of his arrival and he was soon able to enter through the front door, climbing the stairs to where he knew Shotaro's room was, food clutched tightly in his hands so he didn't spill anything. He'd been there a few times before and knew his way around, no need for directions and confidence in his step. 

But for a second he was convinced he had it all wrong when he spotted a young man, about Shotaro's age, standing in front of the door Yuta had believed belonged to Shotaro. Maybe he was mistaken? No. He took a quick glance at the numbers on the doors close by and there was no mistaking it. That was Shotaro's door and there was someone he didn't know standing in front of it and knocking, patiently waiting for a response.

Yuta walked up to this young man, soon catching his attention once he noticed how close he was stepping. Yuta greeted him with a large smile, receiving one in return, "Hello, you're here for Shotaro?" he asked, using formal Korean despite him being surely younger than him. Yuta wouldn't use informal speech unless they were close. 

"Hello," he greeted shyly, bowing at a ninety-degree angle. Yuta returned it, although not as deep when he had food in his hands, "I am actually. I was just checking in on him. I haven't heard a word from him yet," this boy had a lop-sided and nervous smile, unsure with slight concern evident in his eyes, "Oh, where are my manners?" he recognized his mistake quickly with a shake of his head, "My name is Sungchan. I live just down the hall," he vaguely pointed with his whole hand, Yuta not taking the time to look when he didn't need to know what direction, "And your name?" 

"I'm Yuta," he nodded, smile remaining wide and friendly, "I actually work with Shotaro and was stopping by to check in on him too," it was a start, but nothing else was shared before the door was swinging open and an exhausted looking Shotaro was sticking his head out with a weak smile, fatigue evident. He'd been expecting only Yuta and the surprise in his expression was comical when he noticed Sungchan was joining them, his eyes squinted in confusion. His only two friends were at his door step and he wasn't sure who to address first.

Yuta made that decision for him, "Hey, Taro! I brought you some food, I hope that's okay," he wanted to walk in and set it up for his friend but having someone else there prevented him from taking confident steps forward. Having another person present changed the dynamic and Yuta was not going to take charge until Shotaro called the shots. 

"Uh... yeah, it's totally okay. You can go and put it in the kitchen," Shotaro directed, opening the door wider so he could let Yuta in. 

Receiving the go-ahead, Yuta made his way through the front door but turned over his shoulder one last time, "It was nice to meet you, Sungchan," then he was entering fully and heading right towards the kitchenette. 

Now it was Sungchan's turn. Shotaro felt bad turning him down but there was no way he was going to be able to do anything when he felt so not like himself, "Hey, I'm sorry but I can't hang out tonight. I've been really sick today and I'm tired and the only reason Yuta senpai is here is because you can't tell him no. He won't listen," which wasn't entirely the truth for that moment but if Shotaro had protested Yuta would have made his way over anyway. He was incredibly stubborn when it came to those he cared about, "Not tonight," he clarified, followed by a very remorseful, "I'm really sorry. I was really looking forward to tonight."

"Hey, no! I totally understand. I wouldn't want to force anything when you obviously don't feel well," there was no denying it. He had never seen Shotaro so unwell before and it was very unsettling in his heart. And he could see it in Shotaro's face that he wasn't lying, "Maybe another time. when you're feeling like yourself," he glanced inside Shotaro's apartment and could see Yuta flitting around and figured now was his time to leave. It looked like Shotaro was about to eat, "I should let you eat something if you can," he smiled, sweet and unfazed, "Try to get better."

"I'm trying to get better," Shotaro responded, fatigue getting the best of him. His feet and legs were starting to ache with no energy in them to stand even a short amount of time. He wanted to either sit or lay down, whatever felt most comfortable. 

"If you need anything, you know where to find me," Sungchan reminded as he turned away in the direction of his flat, not wanting to take up too much of Shotaro's time when he wasn't himself. Sungchan was still smiling even after being turned down, "I'll see you later," his steps were slow as he started to walk, not wanting to leave his friend too fast. The concern was still heavy in his heart but he did not want to overwhelm him when he was already struggling. 

"See ya," Shotaro wished back with a weak wave, smile starting to droop in exhaustion as he finally closed his door. He sighed heavily, the kind of sigh that came deep from inside his gut and released his soul, "What did you get me?" Shotaro asked, switching to Japanese as he headed back to Yuta, sitting at one of the two dining table chairs he owned. Yuta would take the other one if he was going to sit down and join him. Shotaro could smell the soup and it smelled great and hopefully it was something he could keep down. He was simultaneously hungry and nauseous and it was purely miserable. 

"Miso and rice," Yuta cracked open the bottle of electrolyte water and held it out for Shotaro to take, "But first try sipping on that and see if it helps any," once it was in the younger's hand he was back to dishing out the food into bowls. Shotaro listened and sipped on his bottle, having trouble swallowing at fist, but once it was down it felt exponentially better. He didn't drink much at a time no matter how much he wanted to down the container. That would not help his situation any. 

"So," Yuta started as he brought over Shotaro's bowls full of rice and soup. He sat down across from Shotaro, making himself comfortable in his seat, "Who was that at the door?" his curiosity was getting the best of him. He only got to hear his name and that was it; Shotaro had cut their conversation too short before he could get any more information out of him. 

Shotaro chuckled, setting his bottle down on the table after taking another few sips. Yuta was so nosy, "Sungchan. He's a friend and my neighbor down the hall. We were supposed to hang out tonight," he had so been looking forward to their time together but it would just have to wait. There was and always would be a next time, "But that's obviously not happening. Not when I'm like this," he gestured to his whole body. He felt gross and icky, and looked it too. He'd cleaned up the best he could for Yuta but even the bare minimum had been too much work. It was ridiculous how little could exhaust him. Shotaro tentatively took a small bite of rice and a small spoon of soup. So far so good. 

Yuta smirked, figuring he could have some fun with this while he had the chance, "Hang out or sleep together?" he asked jokingly, mischievously poking fun at his younger friend. He remembered using the same deception as a teenager when he wanted to go out late with his then-girlfriend, adding in the lie that he was out with friends instead. He wondered how his parents hadn't known, and then momentarily wondered if they had known and decided to say nothing. Yuta liked to think he was that sly and had managed to fool them. 

And while Yuta had been expecting a roll of Shotaro's eyes and a groan of annoyance, maybe even some reprimanding, he instead watched Shotaro's eyes lock onto his soup and blush a bright red. Yuta felt his own smile drop and listened carefully as Shotaro nearly whispered a quiet, "Well, maybe... both," he spun his spoon in his food, trying to fill the silence with some noise. He'd been caught red-handed.

Yuta hadn't been expecting that. He hadn't known Shotaro was seeing anyone, but then again it wasn't his life and he didn't have to know all of the little details. He couldn't comment on it, "Oh, I didn't know," he settled on with a nod. He smiled comfortingly, not wanting Shotaro to get the wrong idea. There was no judgment here. Shotaro could do as he pleased, "He looks like a nice kid. It's whatever works for you." 

"He is pretty great but there's not much to it," Shotaro claimed with an amused chuckle and a shrug. The remaining awkwardness that hung in the air had him squirming and he just wanted to clear it up, "We're not together. It's just really casual, and we're still friends at the end of the day so things are pretty good between us," Shotaro was pretty content with their situation, there was nothing he could complain about. He took another sip of his soup and hummed to himself at the way it settled nicely in his empty stomach. 

"That's good," Yuta nodded. He intended to drop the subject afterward and move on to how Shotaro was feeling, but he couldn't. He was just too curious and he had more questions on his tongue, things starting to click together, "Have you known him long?"

Shotaro swallowed his rice, his throat momentarily protesting at how much he managed to get down with that one swallow. He would need to slow down a bit before he was back at the toilet throwing it back up, "The day I moved in actually. He helped me move my stuff to my apartment. He was super helpful and just stuck around after that," he was endlessly grateful for his help. He was sure if Sungchan hadn't stepped in he would still be on those steps. He remembered the awkward Korean, all of his apologies for not communicating better, and all the smiles Sungchan flashed him as he did his best to get to know him. Sungchan had been so patient and so kind. 

"How kind of him," Yuta hadn't even met Shotaro at that point. They'd made video calls about the job and his position as an instructor, but they had yet to meet in person. Had he known, Yuta would have been there to help. He was happy to hear Sungchan had been the one to help him settle though. Obviously he had been a huge helping hand in the moving process, "How long have you been seeing him?" Yuta still wanted to know, wiggling his eyebrows vexatiously. The dirty details were more fun than the other, small, unimportant ones. 

Shotaro rolled his eyes and figured he better brace himself for more personal questions about Sungchan. This was Yuta he was talking to after all, and he would want to know everything, "Close to three months," and now he's been in Korea for four months. That hadn't meant much more time with anyone else outside of those he knew at work and Sungchan. Shotaro's social circle was very small and limited; Yuta knew this and he would have cracked a joke about it had he not been distracted.

Something was catching at Yuta's attention, at the deepest parts of his brain that were always problem solving. Now that he knew sex was involved in Shotaro's routine, and knowing how sick he has been the past month, there was something eating at the back of his head, "How often do you 'hang out'?" he asked, sitting up further in his seat, hands clasped in his lap. He was trying to get to the bottom of this and see what he could dig up and out of Shotaro without him getting defensive. 

Shotaro raised a brow, doing his best to read Yuta's expression. It was weirdly empty and it seemed like a complete ruse to hide a bigger facade. Yuta was feeling something else inwardly than he was outwardly and Shotaro could not figure out what it was. For the time being, he was going to assume it was pure curiosity and not something sinister, "You're such a perv," he spat hoping to get a reaction out of his friend. He got a small laugh but it wasn't much. Shotaro rolled his eyes before staring at his rice again in thought, "A few times a week, but there isn't always sex," he defended, not wanting to seem as though he was that easy, "We are still friends too and can do whatever we want." 

"Of course, you can have sex with someone and still be friends," Yuta nodded, preparing himself for the next question because he knew this one would be a little too personal and could gain a bigger reaction from the younger, "I just hope you're careful when you sleep together," Shotaro's cheeks were back to being red, wrapping around his temples to bloom his ears scarlet as well. Yuta had to tread lightly, "You're careful right?" 

"Yes," Shotaro responded with a frown, short and stern. He was getting increasingly uncomfortable and he felt like he could cry, "I don't want to talk about this anymore," he shook his head, not wanting another question about his sex life, "It's nothing. Really," he insisted, "There's nothing you have to be concerned about. It's casual and careful, I promise. I'm happy with how things are, and that's enough for me," he nodded with a small smile, hoping he was polite and stern enough to set some boundaries between himself and his friend. 

"Okay, okay, I'll stop," Yuta nodded with a smirk, feigning satisfaction and respecting the boundaries set. In reality, he was carefully plotting out more inquiries he had, just not about Sungchan, "Are you feeling any better?" he asked, getting up so he could grab himself a glass of water, trying his best to shift the tone, "Is the food helping?" 

Shotaro was happy to see that Yuta was done and nodded, taking another careful sip of his soup, "I'm feeling a lot better but it's not because of the soup," he clarified, "I usually feel better around this time of the day," his stomach always settled after time, but the aftermaths of being sick were still clinging to his nerves. There was also the anxiety of getting sick again because he did not want to go through the whole cycle again, "I think it's my body getting used to feeling so bad," he shrugged, not having an answer to his body's peculiarities. 

Yuta squinted his eyes before he returned to his seat, "You feel the worst in the mornings?" 

Shotaro nodded weakly, "I do, but less so in the early afternoon," he took a small bite of both soup and rice, a much bigger bite than the ones he had taken previously, but still small, "And once my body is feeling less ill, my appetite comes back with a vengeance," he grabbed for his electrolyte drink so he could take another sip, "I swear, sometimes I feel like I could eat the whole fridge as if I wasn't just reeling back at the thought of food," to prove his point, he took yet another bite of his food and hummed as the warmth filled his mouth and brought him comfort. He could further enjoy it and was feeling more confident he was back to feeling normal, "I'm starting to feel better now and I'm wanting to actually eat, but I better not go overboard in case my body tries to rebel again," he wasn't sure how his body would respond if he pushed it. Too much food and he'd be right back where he started the day. He wanted to avoid that. 

"Hopefully it won't," Yuta smiled, taking steps closer to figuring out what was possibly going on with Shotaro. He sipped on his water tentatively as he tried to appear relaxed in his seat, "When you feel sick, do you get light-headed at all? Or dizzy?" 

Shotaro nodded his head almost immediately, "Yes actually. When I answered the door earlier I was feeling pretty dizzy. Felt like I was going to fall over if I made a wrong move for a minute," he had been gripping onto the door like his life depended on it, a small detail Yuta had missed, "And I think it might have to do with low iron levels," Shotaro was no stranger to anemia and it had been a constant battle with his body when he was in high school but it had been a few years since he last struggled with it. Looks like it was returning, and he was familiar with all the symptoms, "I haven't had the chance to get it checked out or do anything about it though," he was also not keen on a doctor's visit for official blood work. That was never a fun time, "I think that's what's making me exhausted too. It's been a struggle getting out of bed for the last two weeks," had he not needed to throw up that morning he would have stayed in bed and tangled up in his blankets. 

Yuta was confident he knew what was going on now. It was all too telling but he hadn't considered it before. Why would he? It hadn't been an option before but now that he knew Shotaro was seeing someone, it was obvious. He stayed fairly silent and to himself as he listened to his friend, unsure how to take the next move. He did not want to upset or overwhelm Shotaro when he already wasn't feeling his best. If he was right, Shotaro would have an absolute fit. 

It was starting to seem he was too quiet for comfort, lost in his thoughts, but luckily Shotaro was filling the silence with his own noises of eating. Shotaro was starting to pick up the pace with his rice and soup as his appetite was slowly returning and he had taken the biggest bite yet, mouthful of food puffing up his cheeks. He quickly swallowed after chewing but was grimacing and placing a hand flat against his chest moments later. He had needed to lean back in his seat, a cough escaping his mouth to try and clear his throat of the burn that was itching its way up his chest. 

"What's wrong?" Yuta asked, concern evident in his voice. It was enough for Shotaro to pick up on and feel the need to calm his friend. It wasn't that serious he could assure him. 

"Don't freak out," Shotaro giggled weakly, still feeling the uncomfortable burn in his throat. He spoke through it, "It's just some minor heartburn. I think I ate a bit too fast," it would pass, he just needed a second before he could continue eating. His stomach was starting to feel much better and the idea of eating was exciting, to say the least. 

"Is that happening a lot too?" Yuta asked next, knee bouncing in anxiety under the table as his hands played with his cup of water. He wanted so badly to say something and enlighten Shotaro, "Heartburn?" 

"Only recently and it's been really annoying," Shotaro groused, clearing his throat once more before straightening back up, returning to slower bites of his food, "I think it's due to the anemia's fault," anemia occasionally ruined his acid reflux but it wasn't a huge issue, "It never lasts long though. I can deal with it."

"Strange how all of this is happening to you right now, at the same time," Yuta stated, crossing his arms over his chest, foot still tapping impatiently on the tile floor. Maybe if he could try and get Shotaro to discover it himself he wouldn't have to break the news to him, "Weird turn of events, don't you think?" 

"It's probably just stress," it was no secret Shotaro was constantly stressed; he was stressed even now. Everything that he was feeling could all be due to both avoidable and unavoidable stress, "And my anemia, but I'm not so much worried about it unless it gets worse and then I'll need to see a doctor to get blood work done," Shotaro frowned at the idea of seeing a doctor, and also calling off more days. He couldn't afford that. The idea of it had his head starting to ache, "But I'm hoping it's just literal homesickness that's really got me down," Shotaro set his spoon down as he took the last sip of soup. He was finished and felt well enough to eat more as his appetite returned but his mind was running and worry was starting to overpower his thoughts. He was awfully ill even if he had experienced the worst of it within the last two days. 

"You're still chalking this is all down to homesickness?" Yuta asked with a raised brow. He had to admit that he too had considered it beforehand but now looking at everything with open eyes, there was no doubt that why Shotaro was so ill was not down to being sick away from home, "Is that really what you think?" he hadn't meant for it to happen but his voice darkened with bewilderment. There was no way Shotaro was this clueless and there was no way he was this unknowledgeable. The answer was right there under his nose. 

"What's gotten into you?" Shotaro asked, picking up on Yuta's tone. He wasn't sure where it came from but he knew he didn't want it to go unaddressed, "You sound upset and I'm not sure why. We're just sitting here and talking," in his head, Shotaro was trying to pinpoint a reason that Yuta would be upset about but he was drawing blanks. There was absolutely no reason for him to turn so quickly. It made him think he had done something wrong. 

Yuta cleared his throat and held his ground, softening his features that had hardened with internal frustration. Something he failed to notice about himself. Now was not the time to be contrary and pointed, he needed to have a serious talk with Shotaro, "It's just this is really familiar and I guess it wouldn't be as obvious to you as it is to me," he inhaled deeply, holding that air in his chest, "A lot of what you're experiencing," he paused, taking a second for himself, "Well, those were all symptoms Sicheng had," he swallowed thickly again, not sure Shotaro was ready to hear what he had to say, "When he was in the early stages of his pregnancy," he gauged Shotaro's expression and watched for any sign of connection. There was none to be made and Yuta had just about had it. He needed to be blunt and ask Shotaro outright or he probably wouldn't understand, "Do you think you could be pregnant?" 

Now that it was out in the open, there was a painful silence sticking between the pair as it was processed thoroughly. Yuta could feel his foot tapping aggressively again as he waited for Shotaro to process what he'd just asked of him. It was a slow realization at first, but then Yuta could see the moment it clicked in Shotaro's brain. There was shock and disbelief and to Yuta that was enough of an indicator of what was going on. He was realizing it was a plausible answer and that he might indeed be pregnant. 

But there was still a determination behind Shotaro's eyes because what Yuta had just suggested was ridiculous and there was no way. It took a few seconds before he could properly process a response and he was then shaking his head, slowly at first and then increasing in speed as his confidence returned, "That's not something I'm worried about," Shotaro shook his head in finality, arms folding over his chest. He was confident in his stance, "I can't be. We're always so careful," and they were because they always made sure to wear condoms and to always dispose of them properly after the fact. He wasn't stupid; he knew how to be safe. 

"So were Sicheng and I, and look what happened," Yuta reminded Shotaro, and he had a point. Yuta had a six-month-old baby boy named Renjun with his husband and it was no secret that he had been a surprise baby. The pair had planned children for a few years later, but lack of proper protection resulted in their shining star of a son arriving earlier than they had anticipated. They still loved him greatly, "The only foolproof way to not get pregnant is to not have sex. And from what you've told me, you've been having a lot of sex, my friend." 

Shotaro was starting to shake, a combination of anxiety and denial fueling his nerves. Pregnant? Him? There was no way, "I can't be pregnant," he stated, voice starting to shake and throat tightening to a near close. He knew there was a possibility he could be pregnant, but to be pregnant now was an inconvenience. He couldn't be pregnant now, "Not now, not when I'm barely getting by on my own," money was such a huge concern of his. He had to afford living in a country where he was alone and had no help from family and he had to afford all of life's necessities while budgeting to the last decimal. He had to factor all of that in to affording a baby and couldn't do that alone, "I only just got here too," Shotaro came to Korea to be independent and start his life outside of Japan, and now he has a kid to think about? It had Shotaro's stomach turning again, returning to its previous disposition. He felt terribly sick. 

Despite the need for Shotaro to acknowledge pregnancy as an option for him, Yuta hadn't considered his younger friend's reaction and its impact, and seeing it now he recognized the pure terror in his body. Yuta could pick up on the panic in his features and he needed to step in before it progressed into something worse. Shotaro looked on the verge of a panic attack, "But then again I could be wrong," he backtracked, getting up from his seat so he could be closer to Shotaro, right next to his side, stooping so he was closer to eye level, "I could be wrong and it really could be anemia and it's all in my head," although he doubted this was 'all in his head', Yuta did not want Shotaro to have a complete and utter meltdown right there at his dining table when he was just starting to feel like himself again. He'd had such a long and rough day already, "We'd have to take a test to be sure."

"Then I need to take a test as soon as possible," Shotaro nodded, hands thrown up in the air immediately after it was suggested, still sounding choked up but aware of the situation with a mind of clarity, "I need to take a test and then I can decide if I should have a mental breakdown or not," Shotaro was doing his best to keep it together but he was very nearly in tears, "I'll go get one now," Shotaro was resolute and he had to go. But as soon as he jumped out of his raised chair and was on his feet, he was stumbling as his head grew dizzy and his vision blurred. He gripped onto the edge of the table and turned so he could lean forward, bracing himself against the wood. Yuta held him steady with a hand on his shoulder and a hand holding onto his wrist. He stood up too fast and his head had not been ready. 

"I can go get the test for you, and you can sit and relax here until I get back okay?" Yuta directed, guiding Shotaro towards the couch so he could sit and relax somewhere more comfortable, "There's a convenience store just down the street. I can run down there and grab a test and be right back. Can I trust you to stay here and not get up?" if Shotaro had proven his character at all, he would be up and about, walking and pacing instead of sitting down as he should be. He was too antsy. But his body could not go for that at the moment; there was much more to worry about. 

Shotaro felt like protesting, being contrary and saying he was well enough to stand for long periods of time, but he was truly exhausted and didn't feel it possible to wander around his apartment. And the anxiety was exhausting his mind, too many thoughts running through the grooves of his brain. He chose to nod silently, relaxing into the couch cushions and using a hand to rub at his forehead. He would kill for a nap and to not be awake right now. Sleep felt like a long shot though with all the anxiety making his heart race. His thoughts were too loud to ignore as well and it would be impossible to sleep with his mind running a mile a minute. 

"I won't be gone long," Yuta promised as he stood up and headed towards the apartment door, wallet and car keys in hand, "Try not to worry too much."

But that was all Shotaro did while Yuta was gone. Worry. It wasn't possible for him to feel any other emotion and he realized he needed Yuta there to keep him sane. Doubt and finality were ruminating and causing a stir in his head and it made him want to cry. He was simultaneously in deep denial and at the same time already accepting his fate and it was not sitting well in his stomach. Shotaro didn't know what to think in all honesty. He can't be pregnant. But what if he is? But he's not, but is he? He has been sick for a while and is tired all the time, it makes sense but he can't be. He's just stressed, but maybe the stress had a better explanation? He was deep in his own head and time felt like it stood still until he was being knocked out of his stupor by Yuta's return. When he walked in through the door, he knew what that meant. 

It was his time to take a pregnancy test. Yuta had been careful when greeting him, holding the test out like it was a gift with a soft smile. It was certainly not a gift, it was more like an offensive gesture to Shotaro. But he would accept this 'gift' because he had to. 

He grabbed it from Yuta's hand and carefully lifted himself from the couch, a helping hand from Yuta aiding him on his way. Yuta stood close behind and followed him until the younger had to enter the bathroom and take the test, standing outside the door and keeping his distance. He was nervous as well, not particularly wanting the test to be positive. But he knew the outcome already. Shotaro was pregnant and there was no way he wasn't. 

Shotaro stalled for a minute, pacing slowly in the small space of his bathroom, ignoring the curious urge deep in his stomach. He had to take the test, if not for his peace of mind then for the results to finalize his situation. It was a lot on his strained body and mind but this was something he had to do. So he removed the test from the box, reading the instructions thoroughly to himself even though they weren't needed. There was no way to mess up with a pregnancy test. It was impossible. 

Once done taking the test, Shotaro opened his door to find a concerned-looking Yuta. He had been chewing on his thumbnail, a habit he had when he was nervous. He smiled comfortingly when he was with Shotaro again, hoping it was enough to help lighten the mood. It didn't help, "Did you take it?" it was a valid question although it seemed ridiculous. Shotaro could have been too nervous to try and could have exited to ask for some moral support and verbal encouragement. Shotaro didn't often need it but sometimes his self-confidence lacked. Yuta had seen it a few times and he was always happy to help. It was always bizarre seeing Shotaro act so small when his personality was so big.

"I took it," Shotaro confirmed, holding up the test with the cap placed on the end and the small screen loading as it processed the results, "We just have to wait," he walked further out and past Yuta, returning to his previous spot on the couch. If the results were what he dreaded then he would need to sit down to read them. He placed the test on the couch armrest and then scrubbed at his face, agonizing over the results that had yet to appear. Yuta joined him on the couch, carefully sitting on the opposite side with his hands clasped between his knees. 

Neither spoke, but Yuta wanted to so badly. To assure Shotaro that everything would be okay and that they would work through the situation and that he technically wasn't alone. He had him and Sicheng, who were never going to deny him aid. He didn't know Sungchan very well but from what he had seen, Sungchan was a pretty good guy, but he chose to wait until they had the results to say such things. Sharing his thoughts now before they received their results could be all for naught if it turned out it was negative. He was sure it wouldn't though, but he knew Shotaro was hoping it would. 

Shotaro was in his own world and watched the test like a hawk, eyes never leaving the small plastic stick and its loading screen. He wrung his hands together in anticipation, hurting his fingers and palms as he did so. Shotaro lost time as he was derailed in the grooves of his brain, thinking the worst of the situation. Having a baby had not been the plan, nor in his near future, and he was hoping with all of his heart that he wasn't pregnant. He felt like tearing up and crying because he couldn't be doing this right now. But it all came back to him and he was suddenly back in his body, eyes focusing again on the test in front of him. The results were crystal clear and sure enough, Shotaro was pregnant. The test had decided his fate and there was nothing he could do about it. 

It was honestly difficult to fully comprehend the results. It didn't feel real but at the same time, he was hyperaware of his body and everything it was feeling and it was suddenly making sense. He was pregnant but he couldn't be for many reasons. Shotaro felt his heart race and thump against his ribcage in an anxious rhythm. His throat felt dry and it was hard to swallow, his voice caught in his throat. He wanted to talk, verbally express his fears, but he couldn't. There was no way.

With his silence taking control and swallowing the whole room, it was up to Yuta to break it. The older glanced over at the test and could clearly see the results, plain as day. He had already known it first and had been confident about it and here Shotaro was pregnant, but now was not the time to claim victory over his knowing that his friend was pregnant before he did. Shotaro was obviously not taking this well and he would need some coaxing in order to talk. 

"I know this is shocking and not ideal," Yuta started, voice cautious and kind, a hand placed gently on his shoulder, "But I'm always here for you, both Sicheng and I. We'll be happy to help with whatever you need," he phrased his next sentence carefully, still unsure about the situation and the dynamics, "And you're not alone. You have Sungchan, too," he saw the way they interacted and there was no animosity there, in fact, there was chemistry and connection. If Yuta could read anything about Sungchan's character, it was that he wasn't a player. He obviously cared for Shotaro; there was no doubt about that. 

But apparently, Shotaro believed otherwise. The look of pure horror in his eyes and the furrowed brows and deep frown as if Yuta had insulted him left Yuta baffled, "I can't tell Sungchan! Are you nuts?" Shotaro's heart was now beating in a completely different rhythm. It was no longer anxiety, it was the surety of the younger man's reaction and an odd sense of anger towards Yuta for suggesting such a ridiculous thing, "I don't have Sungchan," he sounded so sure, "He's a friend who lives down the hall who I frequently have sex with," that was their dynamic. Sungchan was not a boyfriend, he was not present for quite a bit of his daily life, he was someone he saw a few times a week. Telling him he was going to be a father would end in chaotic disaster. 

But Yuta was finding this all strange and he could see right through Shotaro. His own frown found its way to his features, "That's all Sungchan is to you? A friend?" from what he could see, Shotaro and Sungchan were more than good friends. It wasn't making much sense to him. Shotaro sounded as though he was defending himself and jumping to conclusions. 

But that wasn't the truth. It had taken a few times with Sungchan for Shotaro to realize that he had a little more than sexual attraction towards the younger. That wasn't ever his intention, to gain feelings for this person he honestly barely knew, but that's how it ended up and it made things in his head that much more confusing. Shotaro transitioned from frustrated to pitiful, "Well, no... not to me at least," Shotaro admitted, and there it was. Yuta had known already, he'd seen the way they had acted around each other even if Shotaro had initially claimed he was okay with how they were now. Just friends with benefits, "But it's insanely complicated, and I don't know if he likes me in that way... he hasn't said anything before..." but neither had he... 

Yuta felt the frustration build in his chest and threaten to creep up his throat. Shotaro couldn't see it but it was crystal clear to anyone observing from the outside, "Even if you don't think he thinks that way about you, you still need to tell him you're pregnant," how can he not? Shotaro frowned and turned his head down, "What's he going to think when you turn him down every time he wants to hang out? What about when you start to walk through the halls with a bump? And then when the baby is born how are you going to hide them?" it was impossible and Sungchan would easily notice. Yuta softened his voice and then cleared his throat, "I only met Sungchan for a few seconds, but from that short interaction I could tell he cares deeply for you and I think you're selling him a bit short. He seems genuine and kind and you should tell him as soon as possible. You could hurt him if you don't tell him," Yuta knew he would feel hurt by not knowing. 

"But what if he doesn't believe me?" Shotaro asked, voice cracking at 'believe', "We're not dating, and he could think I see other people on the days we aren't together," it was plausible. They had plenty of time to spend with other people when they weren't with each other. Anything could happen and that was evident now, "He doesn't have a reason to believe me," in his head, Shotaro thought of how much Sungchan would probably hate him and never want to talk to him again. The thought had both his heart and head hurting. 

"A reason to believe? He probably trusts you with so much already and you think he's going to deny you're pregnant with his baby?!" Yuta asked, wondering how Shotaro was so doubtful. He barely knew the kid but just from his aura he could tell he was reliable and kind. 

"Even then he's the least of my worries," Shotaro claimed and switched directions, huffing back into the couch cushions. He rubbed at his forehead, feeling a headache coming on from all the stress, "What about my job at the studio? My parents? The landlord?" these were all worries he managed to think up while Yuta had been away and buying the test. He could think up a lot if his anxiety was high enough, "I won't be able to work much longer at the studio if I'm pregnant," he assessed Yuta's expression at the mention of his job and could see how it was a worry of his too. He very well couldn't be hugely pregnant and choreographing intense and intricate routines, "And rent is already a lot to pay so adding bills for a baby on top of that will cost me a fortune," he paused, bracing himself for the next issue on his list. He sighed all of the air out of his lungs until his chest hurt, "And even better, my parents will be extremely disappointed in me. And I don't want to go back to Japan to live there even though I love it there. That'll be something they'll ask me to do, but I won't do it. Not after everything I've done so far," which meant he was having a baby in a country he still wasn't very familiar with. It was scary. 

Shotaro's parents were already very unsupportive of his desire to live in Korea so he could chase his ambitions. He had attended and graduated from a very prestigious school in Japan that trained him to work hard and be an excellent dancer. He was definitely going places in Japan, but in Korea, he would have to build up his career and his name, and start completely over. He moved anyway with the idea that he was going to do bigger and better things and even though it was his dream, his parents were still wildly unsupportive. Moving back to Japan wouldn't be the worst thing, that was his home after all, but moving to Korea was a good decision for him and his disposition remained resolute. 

Yuta looked unsure how to respond because he didn't have an answer to all of Shotaro's problems. There was a lot he would have to deal with and it would be extremely difficult, but Shotaro knew that. For once, Yuta didn't know how to come back and share his helping words. He was lost, and it was an odd sensation to feel when he usually spoke whatever came to mind. There was nothing at the moment. 

It was a lot to deal with and Shotaro was nearing his limit. Tears were building up and he could burst at any second, and he'd rather not have Yuta witness his full-blown breakdown, "While I've loved having you here," he miffed sarcastically, tone heavy, "I think you should go so I can have some time to myself," it was a reasonable request, there was a lot to agonize over and in some ways, understand further. Shotaro had yet to fully accept the fact that this was happening to him, that he was pregnant, and he felt he needed those few seconds to himself and alone with a clear mind, "So I can think."

Yuta fully understood and nodded, lifting himself from the couch. He thought of reaching out and patting Shotaro on the shoulder in a comforting gesture, but he decided against it. Physical touch was not the best in the situation he was dealing with, "Take as much time as you need, and I'll see you on Monday if I don't see you before then," he had a feeling he wouldn't, but sharing that sentiment was a way of showing kindness and it was the least he could do. Saying nothing was not something he often did, but it was something Shotaro needed, "Try to take care of yourself until then." 

And with that he was gone, out the apartment door and leaving Shotaro alone with his thoughts. Now alone, he finally let himself cry, starting slow before he was spilling more onto his cheeks. It quickly progressed and it was starting to sting his eyes. What was he going to do? Other than cry? He didn't know.

-------

"I called the clinic you suggested," Shotaro began when he walked into the academy foyer, not even bothering with a hello, or Korean for that matter. Yuta had been standing at the front desk, leaning on the counter just as he always does, greeting all the students that enter just as he did every day. No one failed to greet him when he had a smile like that, and he was such a household name among students. He did own the studio after all, "I have an appointment at noon on Wednesday with Dr.Ok." 

Yuta had texted Shotaro later in the evening after taking the test and sent him the number for the clinic he and Sicheng went to when they were pregnant with Renjun. Shotaro had gained enough courage to call a doctor on his own and on his own time, which happened to be the day after he took the test. Carrying something that life-changing under his belt with no confirmation had his skin crawling. So he called the day after he found out when he had originally planned to call on Monday, thinking it would give him enough time to fully process. He also figured it would be a reasonable time to call on a weekday rather than on the weekend when availability was limited. But his patience proved to be running thin because he couldn't wait that long. Calling on his own had his heart racing but it was something he needed to do for his peace of mind. Language and communication hadn't been too much of an issue, but it did have its blips and mishaps. The secretary had been very patient and very kind and was willing to help him every step of the way until they reached their conclusion. Shotaro was penciled in for an appointment for that Wednesday and it was nerve-wracking, it was final, and it felt too soon. This was happening but oh how he wished it wasn't. 

Yuta raised his eyebrows in surprise, a careful smile curling his lips. He was very proud of Shotaro for making that step on his own without his help, "That was fast," genuine surprise was in his voice, "I'm happy you decided to call them, they're such a great clinic! They made Sicheng and I feel so welcome and the technicians are all super friendly. You'll have friends by the end of your visit. And your doctor is amazing, she's one of the kindest people I know," he smiled, relaxing from his pose and lifting himself from the counter. Shotaro walked closer to Yuta, bag thrown over his shoulder now carefully dropping to his side as he slumped in his spot. Shotaro was still so unsure; this was all so unfamiliar, "How are you feeling today?" Yuta asked next, hoping he wasn't feeling too terrible. 

"Not that great," Shotaro answered honestly. He'd thrown up before he left the house, but it was exponentially better than he felt on Thursday and Friday. He'd only had to retch twice and managed a slice of toast before he left the apartment, "But I'll survive. I brought soup from home," he assured as he lifted up his bag from his side. There was a thermal of hot miso soup inside. It was the easiest for him to consume when he usually felt so ill. There was also a small cup of rice, but that wasn't always so easy to eat. He'd have to wait and see how he feels later on when he has his scheduled lunch break. 

Yuta nodded softly, smile still remaining on his features, "I should give you the day off on Wednesday," he suggested after a second of thought, "I imagine you'll need some time to process and hopefully get a full grasp on everything," both he and Sicheng had needed some of that time to themselves to process the fact that they were having a baby, and they were married, had a house, and both had well-paying jobs. Shotaro only had the job part, but even then, he was using his money alone with no help. He would need a little more time, "Might as well take the whole day to yourself and figure some stuff out."

Shotaro honestly didn't like the idea of doing that. Spending the day alone and to his thoughts to process meant letting his mind think whatever he wanted. His mind could go anywhere and that was not something Shotaro was mentally prepared to do. He'd prefer spending the morning hyping himself up before attending the appointment, then going, and then returning to the academy to teach and get his mind off things. It would be a great distraction, but there was no way Yuta would let that happen. He'd want him home so he could mull this over properly, "I might have to," he would need to find something else to occupy his thoughts during his time home. He might break down otherwise, "Thank you." 

Yuta could spot the hesitation in both his eyes and his voice but he wasn't going to comment on it. Shotaro might not think so now, but he would be thankful for the time by himself after everything happens, "Do you know where you're going?" he asked, worrying about his next travel time. Yuta would have a fully booked day on Wednesday, not just teaching his own classes but also holding meetings with management and other teachers. He would offer Shotaro a ride if he could, but it wasn't an option on that day. Sicheng was busy as well, what with their baby to tend to and him returning work calls and such. Neither were able to give him a ride and surely Shotaro would not be comfortable with Yuta's other friends who had cars. He would personally call and pay for his cab, but Shotaro would surely struggle with that as well. He didn't accept 'charity', as he would so put it. It would be difficult to get him to go anywhere not on his own terms. 

But Shotaro didn't need the offer for a ride because he'd already looked at times and routes in preparation, even going as far as confirming the bus number with Yuta. The older man was happy to see everything so perfectly laid out and in order, "I'm not entirely sure where to hop off but I'll keep my eye on the map and make sure I get off at the right time," he had the destination saved in his phone so he wouldn't forget it. He'd already memorized the address after looking at it just about fifty times, so there was no way possible he would forget. Shotaro was all set and it had Yuta smiling with satisfaction. 

"That first appointment is wonderful, and you're lucky. You'll get an ultrasound if you're as far along as I think you are," based on what he knew, Shotaro was most likely eight weeks along give or take, but then again, every pregnancy can be different. This was his guesstimate, "And you'll get something to take home! I want to see those scans as soon as you come back from work, okay?" the excitement of it all had him giddy, butterflies fluttering in his belly, "You'll get to see him or her and it'll fell magical," he remembered Sicheng's first ultrasound with Renjun and it had been astonishing. 

This was the exciting part, but Shotaro did not feel the same at all. It was terrifying and scary, but exhilarating at the same time, in a weird way. He wanted to keep a clear mindset in hopes that it would prepare him for the day, "Hopefully I'll think that way once it's happened," but he doubted he would. He was still single and on his own. He would say 'for now', but he wasn't sure about that.  

"Are you ready?" Yuta asked next, noticing the hesitation in his friend's voice and his features. He knew already that he would act as such but now that he had an appointment set it was definitely a bit harder to accept. This was obviously a lot, "Will you be okay?" 

"I think so," Shotaro nodded, lips pursing in thought, "I have to get this part over with don't I?" this was just another thing on his to-do list and then he would be back at work. He was already missing out on too much, he didn't want to use his days off. He just wanted to work and make money so he could afford things. He had a baby coming soon and he needed the money. 

Yuta had to nod, "I guess you do," he wished there was more excitement in his voice, but he understood his situation. It was challenging and not something Yuta had dealt with before. But Shotaro was strong and he knew it was something he could overcome. Look at what he's done already: moved to Korea on his own, got a job, and was making a name for himself in a language he still struggled with. Yuta knew he could do it, and he could do it without his help, "It'll be alright, I promise."

Shotaro nodded, making his way past Yuta with a weak smile, "I have to go to class," his class was soon and he would need to stretch and warm-up. Body isolation was a big thing he was working on with his students to practice better body control and he would need to stretch on his own before that would be ready. It would be a short exercise since they had their recital routines to rehearsal, but he needed the distraction from his personal problems, "I'll catch up with you later." 

Shotaro was done with the conversation, that was obvious, and Yuta was not going to push him anymore into any territory. So he nodded and smiled, "Break a leg! Have fun!" dance was Shotaro's forte and it was like second nature to him, so he didn't need the well wishes. 

Dance was Shotaro's safe place, especially in such hard times when he felt like he had no control. Dance was something he could completely control and make the decisions for, and it helped ease his stress. While his life was spiraling, he had his muscle memory and passion to make up for it. Shotaro would be fine for the next few hours while he focused on the routine before he was back at his personal pity party, drowning in his anxieties. He had two days to go before the big day so for the time being, he would focus on his work and what made him happy. It was a bandaid solution but that was what he could work with for now.

-------

Shotaro felt his legs shake as he walked to the nearest bus stop, making it hard for him to move at the pace he wanted. His bus was scheduled to arrive in the next five minutes and he wanted to get to the stop so it left him enough time if the bus arrived minutes earlier than it was supposed to. He'd left his apartment at a good time but the anxiety coursing through his body prevented him from reaching his destination as soon as he wanted to. He arrived before the bus did in the end and Shotaro sighed in relief, taking a seat on the opposite side of the stone bench, away from someone else waiting for their bus. Shotaro was immensely relieved to have made it on time and could feel so in his chest, but he was also having an internal war with himself. 

There was the relief of not missing his bus, but there was a part of him that wished he had missed the bus. Missing the bus now meant the next one wouldn't arrive in time for him to get to his appointment, and he would prolong the inevitable and miss his time. It sounded like a good idea, but he knew it wasn't. Shotaro did not want to go for fear of what he knew to be true already. It was already established that he was pregnant, he'd taken that test and he'd felt the symptoms, but going to a doctor meant it was real. He was going to have a file for him and the baby that would follow him for the rest of his life. He was going to be a mother, and he just couldn't be. 

And that brought him to thinking about all the money he'd have to pay for all the appointments he'd have to go to. Insurance was still a little shaky and was a constant worry. He was still working on his healthcare plan and as an immigrant, it was all too new and different, and sometimes wasn't the most stable. Yuta helped a lot with his plan since he registered him properly for insurance after hiring him. It wasn't necessary for him to do so as an employer but he went through the same thing, and so did Sicheng, so they both knew how hard it was to go through that process on their own. With their aid, Shotaro was able to go with the best because they knew the best options to go with. But even if that was covered and wasn't an issue this time around, Shotaro was still terrified of communication errors and not being able to express himself. It was kind of embarrassing not being able to do something so simple, despite his small grasp of the language. There were services in health centers that could help but in the grand scheme of things, those were the least of his issues. 

There was the fact that he was having a baby. He'd had that thought enough that it should be fact but it wasn't easy for him to accept. He wasn't ready to have a baby, yet here he was having one. Someone who would completely depend on him, someone he was completely responsible for, someone he wasn't ready to meet. This wasn't supposed to happen and how he wished it wasn't. It had his teeth set on edge and the hair on the back of his neck standing up. His whole body had nervous chills running up and down his spine, trying to shake off the anxiety. 

Shotaro's palms were starting to sweat and his knee was bouncing furiously, shaking his whole body out of its dreadful trance. Shotaro was then suddenly aware of the panic that was steadily taking control of his body, lighting every nerve up with doubt and fear. Shotaro felt his throat start to close, dry out as he momentarily forgot how to breathe. He could feel the anxiety behind his eyes and he was beginning to feel his eardrums burst. He was in a fully absorbed panic attack, and he was having one at the bus stop just before his OB/GYN appointment. 

Speaking of which, Shotaro could see his bus pulling up to the stop, and the other citizens standing close by were standing and readying whatever they needed to get onto the public transport. It was almost his time to go and he wasn't ready in the slightest, pass clutched tight in his palm. He would need to get on soon and head on his way to the clinic. 

Once the bus was mere feet away, Shotaro stood up and got to his feet a little too fast. He felt his knees nearly buckle underneath his weight, tossing his center of gravity to the wind. He needed to stick an arm out and balance himself against the stone bench rest so he wouldn't fall on his face, elbow scraping the rough surface and leaving a small scrape on the soft skin there. Shotaro grimaced and hissed in short pain, knocking some sense into himself so he could focus. He watched as the other standbys started to load onto the bus and he told himself to follow, get in line, ready his bus pass so he didn't take up anyone's time. He told his feet to move forward, saunter over and find a good spot so he could spend the long drive in comfort, but he found he couldn't. Shotaro stood in place, rooted in his spot on the concrete walk, watching as the last two people jumped onto the bus. He tried to will himself forward and get a move on but it wasn't working. Nothing was cooperating. 

"Are you hopping on?" a voice inquired loud and clear. Shotaro focused away from his mental anguish and instead on what was in front of him, honing in on the bus driver as they stared inquisitively back at him. They nodded their head once, short and pointed, addressing Shotaro and urging a swift answer from him. They would need an answer soon, there was a strict schedule to uphold when they were in the busy city. They had to keep the flow.  

But Shotaro couldn't understand them. He could see them speaking, their mouth moving, and he could hear the words spoken, but the words coming out weren't making sense nor were they translating. It was Korean obviously but it didn't sound like Korean. It sounded like gibberish, a nagging sound in the back of his head, a ringing in his ears, and he couldn't find the words to respond. In an effort to collect himself, Shotaro shook his head and stepped away from the bench and away from the bus with his head down, locked on the toes of his sneakers. His fingers clawed at his palms, scratching away to ground himself. Shotaro needed to breathe and be on his own for a second, and he wouldn't be able to do that on the bus. He couldn't get on the bus, not now. He barely registered as the bus drove off, leaving him behind with the rest of the city with no looking back. They had to continue with or without Shotaro. 

When he finally collected himself, it was too late. His ride had gone and he was stuck where he was. He clearly couldn't go to his appointment anymore because catching a later bus wasn't an option for him. By the time the next scheduled one arrived, it would be too late and his appointment time would have passed and moved onto the next person. He had fumbled with his window of time, and he wasn't going to get any answers today. Yuta was going to be so disappointed in him. He went through all that effort with no payback, and he would have things to say the next day at work. 

Shotaro felt tears start to collect along his waterline, wetting his lashes as the tears threatened to start falling onto his cheeks. He tried his best not to cry out in public, holding in as much as he could while he was still out with other people, but a few frustrated tears still fell and wet his cheeks. Shotaro would rather he cry his eyes out in the privacy of his apartment, and turned on his heel to turn back home, using one hand to wipe furiously at his eye. Everything about this, including him missing the bus, was both embarrassing and humiliating even if no one else saw what had just transpired. It was hard when things don't work out the way you want them to, and it's even worse when it's due to your own actions. Shotaro would kill for a hug and a pat on the back telling him he'll be alright. Things were just muddled at the moment, but he would be fine eventually. 

Time seemed to slow down and it felt like hours before Shotaro's apartment complex was in his line of sight. He felt he couldn't wait another few minutes for that cry that was building up behind his eyelids. It was really starting to sting and he needed to get it out before his contacts fell out. Shotaro wanted to be tucked away in his flat, alone and able to express himself without judgment from others around him. The frustration was making a few stray tears fall, but there was nothing major to see. He was sure his eyes were glossy as well, and if anyone looked they could tell he was in the process of crying. It was a good thing no one was making eye contact, instead too occupied with their own well-being than his. 

Shotaro was a few yards away from the entrance to his building and he was almost home free, relief filling his lungs. He kept his eyes on the two doors and hoped for the best, hoping to not meet anyone on the way, but he watched as two figures exited through the same doors and Shotaro felt his chest tighten in reflex after studying their features. Sungchan was exiting the building with his roommate, Jungwoo, in tow. They were heading Shotaro's way, lost in conversation and unaware he was close. That was the father of Shotaro's baby and he felt his body shrink in on itself in defense. He didn't particularly want to speak to him right now. 

Wanting to avoid being recognized, Shotaro acted fast and grabbed the mask he had tucked in his jean pocket, putting it on in record time to hopefully conceal his features. There were still his eyes but you could tell less when less of his face was shown. There was a lot more guessing to do, and Shotaro wanted to keep it that way. He brushed his bangs in the way to hopefully help, tossing them and making them messy. It wasn't a look he often did but it would have to do for now. 

Sungchan and Jungwoo were closing the distance and Shotaro kept his head down, still keeping a careful watch on the two men in case they noticed he was there. So far they hadn't noticed who he was, speaking to and facing each other instead. Maybe he was able to slink past and go unseen entirely, maybe he could get through this. Shotaro did not want to speak to Sungchan, not after what he knew and not after how distraught he felt. He didn't want the younger to see the state he was in. He hadn't seen anything like it before from him. 

They were feet away and Shotaro sped up, hoping he could pass by but when he was seconds from passing them, Sungchan turned his head and made eye contact with Shotaro. Shotaro held it, knowing he had been caught and that there was nothing to avoid now. His stomach turned, not with butterflies, but with guilt at his secret. His disguise had not worked; he was caught. 

"Taro hyung!" Sungchan smiled excitedly, stopping in place so he could talk to his friend, "I haven't seen you for a hot minute," it had been a few days since Shotaro turned Sungchan's date down for the second time after claiming he was ill. Sungchan had given him some time, no texts or visits to give him his space so he could get over whatever was up with his body. He would be lying if he said he hadn't been worried the whole duration of his absence, "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Shotaro answered a little too quickly, hoping his eyes weren't telling of his internal dilemma, "I just came back from the doctors and they said it was a stomach flu that's been sticking around. It should be completely gone within the next few days," it was a quick and believable lie, but it was still a lie and one of the many Shotaro would have to tell to keep himself hidden from Sungchan. Telling him he was pregnant didn't feel right. It was too nerve wracking and not on his list of things to do today. He wanted to change the subject, "How are you? Where are you two going?" 

"We're going out for lunch with some friends," Jungwoo piped up. Shotaro had had one conversation with Jungwoo before and the two still weren't all that familiar with each other, "Would you like to join?" he hadn't had many chances to make a connection with Shotaro, and now seemed like the perfect time. Shotaro appeared fine, and maybe some good food would help his healing senses. 

Shotaro shook his head. He couldn't be with Sungchan right now, not when he was carrying a huge secret under his belt. Literally, "No thank you, I'm going to spend the day home and try to sleep as much as I can," Shotaro's voice didn't crack once, but two times in the same sentence. He also fumbled with his Korean, mind losing functionality. He felt guilty and he felt ridiculous. He shouldn't be this emotional over this but he was and he couldn't help it. He was under a lot of stress right now, mentally and physically. 

Sungchan was starting to notice how Shotaro was very clearly upset. Looking deeply into his eyes he could see the distress hidden there and it was unsettling in his stomach. Sungchan could read Shotaro so easily and what he was finding was that Shotaro really needed someone to talk to. His eyes were teary and it was easy to catch even when he was wearing a mask pulled close to his eyes and his hair in the way. It made his heart hurt because it was unlikely to see someone as smiley and happy as Shotaro was so troubled, "Are you okay?" Sungchan asked then, taking a step closer to Shotaro to hopefully get something out of him. He was worried now, wanting to get to the bottom of things so he didn't have to see him so distraught. 

Again, Shotaro responded too quickly with a vigorous nod of his head, "I'm fine. My eyes are just really itchy," he lied, voice too shaky to consider convincing. It was obvious he had been crying, even slightly, and Sungchan wanted to know why. Shotaro rubbed at his eyes again, trying to get the tears out so he didn't have to let them fall. 

"Maybe I could help with whatever is happening," Sungchan offered sweetly. He swallowed thickly, watching as Shotaro teared up further, and then watched in horror as a large tear finally fell, soaking into the material of his mask, "What is it?" he asked, reaching out as though he was offering a hug or a hand to hold, whatever Shotaro was most comfortable with at the moment. 

But instead of leaning into the gesture, Shotaro shook his head and took a step back. He didn't want to be touched, and being pregnant, he was hyperaware of his body. Shotaro felt like he needed to protect himself from others, even if he did trust Sungchan and knew he wouldn't hurt him. It was bizarre, but he also didn't want Sungchan to touch him because the younger didn't know he was pregnant and that made him feel immensely guilty. Sungchan should know what was going on, it was his baby after all, but Shotaro didn't know how he would react. He didn't want to deal with it now, on the sidewalk of a busy street outside their apartment complex, and in front of Jungwoo. He was already overwhelmed and speaking to Sungchan now when he wasn't ready wasn't making it any better. He needed to come back to this when he had a clear head and when his heart wasn't threatening to burst from his chest. His thoughts were refusing to cooperate and now he was close to sobbing in front of Sungchan and his roommate, and he was absolutely mortified. Tears were streaming and his breathing was shaking. Shotaro was starting to lose it. 

"I have to go, Sungchan," Shotaro choked out, ready to physically escape the uncomfortable situation but Sungchan had more to say, taking a step in front of him and sticking his arm out in a nonthreatening way. Shotaro nearly flinched, mind not in the right space to consider who he was with. Sungchan didn't fail to notice and it made him frown. 

"Do you want me to go with you? I can stay and we can talk it out," seeing his friend so upset was unsettling and even if he was supposed to meet his other friends, he couldn't go on knowing Shotaro was upset enough to start crying. 

"No," Shotaro spit defensively. If they ended up talking about what was going on then he'll know he's pregnant and Shotaro didn't want to upset him when he had a life to live. He couldn't handle the rejection that was sure to follow, cursing his name and making things infinitely harder for himself, "No thank you. I'm fine," he repaired, pressing forward past Sungchan before even more tears fell, "Have a good lunch," he amended as he moved as fast as he could, trying his hardest to get away from Sungchan and avoid further confrontation. He could feel his chest ache in frustration. He was absolutely humiliated. 

Sungchan was making the move to follow Shotaro on his way to the apartment, needing to understand why this was happening, but Jungwoo was wrapping a hand around his bicep and rooting him in place. Sungchan looked back at Jungwoo, frowning in disapproval, "Leave it," he warned, his own frown on his features asserting dominance. Jungwoo was obviously better at reading the situation. Sungchan was stressing Shotaro out and he needed to give him his space, "You have to let Shotaro be alone. He wants to be alone," that had been evident by his attempts at keeping a low profile when he spotted them. Jungwoo had noticed before Sungchan had and he could read his emotions right off the bat, "You can try again later when he isn't so upset. For right now you can give him time to deal with whatever was stressing him out. Respect that."

Jungwoo had a point and Sungchan hated that he was right. He wanted to talk it out and maybe come up with a solution, but he knew he couldn't fix every situation. Jungwoo was right. He would check up on him later, at a better time. He slumped, nodding as he understood, "I just wish I could help." 

"I know you want to help but you'll have to give him time for now," Jungwoo reiterated, patting him on the shoulder, grabbing it so he could guide his friend away, "And we need to start walking or we'll be really late," they were going somewhere within walking distance of their apartment and their meeting time was arriving fast. They needed to go if they wanted to be on time. 

Sungchan nodded wordlessly, turning to join Jungwoo on the journey again. He would check on Shotaro tomorrow afternoon, giving him plenty of time to deal with what he needed to. He so badly wanted to do it now, but Jungwoo would prevent him if he tried to pull a fast one. 

-------

Shotaro had been fully crying by the time he had entered the lobby, tears falling rapidly as he climbed the stairs, making it difficult to see. It wasn't until he was in his apartment that he finally let his agony entirely win over his emotions. Once the door was closed he pressed his back to it, hitting the metal a little too hard. The pain wasn't as intense as his panicking and was easy to ignore as he slid down to the floor, burying his face in his knees. This shouldn't have been as big a deal as he was making it but anxiety did some pretty ridiculous things to people. 

Shotaro tore his shoes off his feet and flung them against the wall. It was childish and the neighbors probably heard his ruckus but he didn't care. He was frustrated, almost angry at himself and he needed to get the anger out somehow, even if it meant scuffing up the paint on the wall. He couldn't get onto a bus on his own and he couldn't communicate like a normal person, and he felt like an idiot for the way he was acting. It was all such a mess, and he was feeling pretty sorry for himself.

He felt incredibly apologetic to the baby too. He was supposed to get to that appointment so he could make sure they were okay. He was obviously a bad mother already and the thought that he was failing at a task that was supposed to be natural to him had more tears streaming down his cheeks. A hand pressed itself to the lower half of his abdomen, something he had not done before. There was no difference yet, no change he could outwardly detect, but he knew there was a little person under his palm that was growing bigger by the day. It was bizarre, amazing, and terrifying. 

"I'm sorry I'm not good at this whole parenting thing," Shotaro spoke as he addressed the baby. It felt strange to do it, the baby couldn't hear him yet, but it felt right and respectful to do so, "I'll try to get better. I just don't know what to do." 

Health care prices still scared him. He supposed it wasn't a lot comparatively but it was money he needed for other things. He now had a baby to save for. Shotaro didn't know much about babies but he knew they needed a lot of things. He would need to start seriously budgeting and crunching some numbers if he wanted to make this work. He was already planning what he could cut out to save himself a few bucks and collectively it would most likely help. He huffed to himself, head landing in his hands with a thud. He would probably get a headache soon from the impact. He would need to find another job, part-time most likely, but the money would help him so much. He could most likely juggle two jobs if it meant he could afford life. 

This was not what Shotaro had been expecting when he left Japan. He had just wanted a new life outside of Japan, and now he was growing a new life outside of Japan. 

-------

Shotaro walked into work worriedly with shaking and tired steps the next morning. He had to face Yuta and he wasn't sure what he was going to say. He would be disappointed, possibly angry, definitely upset. Angry enough to fire him? It was a ridiculous thought but it was one that made sense in Shotaro's anxiety-blinded mind. He could see Yuta from outside the academy and it had his throat drying up. He wasn't ready but this was not something he could avoid. He heavily exhaled all of the air out of his body and made his way inside, a convincing and fake smile lighting his face as Yuta met his eyes. 

"Shotaro!" Yuta greeted excitedly, "How did your appointment go?" he was asking right off the bat and Shotaro hadn't even been in the building for a minute. It was something Yuta hadn't been able to take his mind off. His friend had seen his baby for the first time yesterday and Yuta could remember the first time he saw Renjun. It had been magical. The pride he felt in his chest for that little person no bigger than a pinto bean was all-encompassing and honestly overwhelming. He felt so much love, and he could only hope Shotaro had felt the same. Yuta waved him into an empty room close by that was reserved for instructors when they had time in between classes. Yuta assumed Shotaro wouldn't want everyone hearing about the details of his pregnancy, especially since he wasn't going to be telling people any time soon. 

Shotaro followed into the room and pondered if he should tell him the truth and tell him how he'll reschedule for next week, and that he missed his bus because he mentally wasn't in a good place at the time. But there was a small issue; Shotaro didn't want to go at all. He didn't want to reschedule, he didn't want to take another day off work when he needed the money. Shotaro felt a war within himself and in his befuddled mind, he decided to lie as best he could to avoid the confrontation, "The appointment went well. I'm definitely pregnant," he nodded, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He felt guilty for lying. 

Yuta nodded in satisfaction. He was glad everything was going so well because that was all you could hope for in a pregnancy, "Did you get a printout?" he asked next, giddy and excited. He and Sicheng still had Renjun's first printout framed in their living room. He had been so tiny then, "Surely you had one if you're as far along as I think you are."

Shotaro felt his chest tighten with a sharp intake of breath. He didn't have anything to show Yuta because he hadn't gone; there had been no printout to hand over. It was embarrassment that drove the next lie because he couldn't admit he had done something stupid and that he had been lying before, "Oh um, I left it at my apartment... by mistake. I realized when it was too late that I didn't have it on me. I was already on the bus and headed here," it was a good cover-up and made sense, but was it good enough to convince Yuta? 

Yuta frowned in disappointment, but then shrugged, his soft smile slowly returning in hope, "You'll have to bring it in tomorrow. I can wait until then," he wanted so badly to see it and felt he couldn't be patient enough, but he would try his hardest. If he got too impatient he could always text Shotaro and get a picture sent to him of the scan. He was sure his friend would oblige without question. If he was anything like Yuta, he would want to hand it out to everyone he knew so he could show off his baby, "I want to see who I'm going to be an uncle to." 

Shotaro was panicking inside because he didn't have a scan to show Yuta. His fingertips were scratching at his palms, hard enough to leave marks. He would need to lie more to cover his trace and to buy him time before his next appointment that he was going to schedule later that night when he got home. Shotaro couldn't be getting into this kind of drama now when he was in his place of work, "What I meant to say was... it must have dropped out of my pocket... on the bus home. All I know is that when I got home and tried looking for it... it was just gone," he swallowed, watching as Yuta frowned again in confusion, "I didn't want to say I lost it because that sounds bad but yeah... that's what happened," Shotaro kicked his foot out in front of him, distracting himself with the movement as he locked eyes with the toe of his sneaker. He felt like an idiot and told himself he should tell the truth, even if it was humiliating. 

There was a second of pained silence before Yuta was speaking again, "How did you let that happen?" he asked, bewildered with a judgemental look. Scans were phenomenal and something to remember and he just happened to drop his on the public bus? Yuta would never. He had made sure Renjun's scan had been in his hand or on his person at all times when he ventured out of the house with it. And Shotaro just dropped his? 

Shotaro stiffened, foot stilling. It did sound like such a horrible thing and had he actually gotten a scan and lost it on the bus he would have been truly devastated. The way Yuta was looking at him now was understandable and Shotaro felt the guilt. Creating lies on the spot honestly wasn't his strong suit, but luckily, Yuta interpreted Shotaro's panic and quiet as embarrassment. He hadn't meant to make his friend feel like that and he needed to backtrack for a second before things escalated. 

"You know what? It doesn't matter. There's not a lot to see right now anyway," Yuta waved, thankfully brushing the incident off, "Baby is still pretty small. The next ultrasound you get will have so much more to look at and then you'll really have to show me, promise?" Yuta asked, his ridiculous smile returning in full. It would be comforting had Shotaro not lied to his face and actually had an ultrasound performed. He felt like a bad friend for being so deceitful. 

"Promise," Shotaro would surely make a next appointment in a month to make it official, and then he could have an actual ultrasound to show his friend. He wouldn't have to lie anymore then. He was immensely relieved at his mental plan, but then Yuta asked yet another question Shotaro did not have an answer to and he had to keep the charade up longer, "What about the due date? You should be able to tell around this time. Did you happen to figure out when that is?" within the first few weeks was the best time to establish a due date, that's mostly what the scan was for. Yuta already knew there was a date and he wanted to hear it. It had him excited. 

Panic was returning because a due date was not something he could easily make up. He didn't have time to do even quick math and gave a vague and quite honestly, unsure answer, "The end of January," he interjected without much thought and he knew it was the wrong answer. That wasn't a due date, it was an estimate. Due dates were mostly estimates and educated guesses but usually, they had an actual date on record, "January 20th I mean," he affirmed as quickly as he could before Yuta could look too into it. 

But it was too late. Yuta's eyes were squinted in skepticism and Shotaro thought the jig was up for a moment before Yuta was nodding, still looking a little unsure but looking more convinced, "A New Year's baby. That'll be a lot of fun," his smile was returning, "And Renjun will be so happy to have a new pal to play with," his son was very sociable while also being very laidback and quiet. Just thinking about his son had his heart racing. It made Shotaro smile. 

"Both are exciting," Shotaro agreed with a smile. He did his best to make the smile reach his eyes so it seemed more believable. But he didn't feel like smiling, "Starting the year off with a baby will be different," he was terrified of the idea as it had yet to sink in fully. He would have a little person to care for and love. Bizarre. 

"It will be," things had been very different for him too, "And how are you?" Yuta asked next, changing tactics, "Is your blood pressure okay?" he was trying to see something after Shotaro's shaky answer of his due date. There was something wrong here, "That's such an important factor in early pregnancy. You'll be bothered about it even after you've given birth. You always want it at a good level, otherwise it'll send everyone into panic mode." 

"It's good," Shotaro started. He had no idea what a good blood pressure measured as and he was starting to spiral. Was he getting caught in his lies? "I can't remember the exact numbers but it was good. Dr. Ok told me so," hopefully it was believable enough. His answer was short and sweet. 

It was very vague but Yuta nodded, knowing the exact answer to his question. It wasn't a lot to memorize, yet Shotaro couldn't do it, "That's good. Did you get prescribed any specific prenatal vitamins?" he was asking a lot of good questions that he had to have an answer to when Sicheng was pregnant. They were great things to worry about and he genuinely wanted to know how Shotaro was going to answer. It would be great to hear if Shotaro was completely healthy if he actually knew, "Anything for your anemia?" that had only been an excuse for the ill feelings before but it was still plausible now that they knew he was pregnant. It didn't necessarily mean he had it, but for some mothers it was a symptom.  

"Apparently I'm doing very well, as healthy as can be. I can just grab prenatal vitamins at any store really, nothing specific," he didn't even know he had to take vitamins while pregnant. Did they sell those at stores? "Baby is doing well, too. Growing and doing their best," his most awkward answer yet. It had his gut twisting. He wasn't sure what to say anymore. 

Yuta nodded, looking as though he was thinking hard, "And did they test your ears?" he asked, and now Shotaro was thoroughly confused, but he hid it well, "Did they have enough time for that?" 

Shotaro had no clue what he was talking about. His ears? Why would they need to check his ears? "I don't remember much about testing my ears..." 

"Doctors usually test ears pretty early; the first trimester is the best time to do it," Yuta looked confident in his statement and Shotaro had to think maybe he was speaking some sense of fact, "Ears can be linked to dizziness and light headedness and looking through your ears and testing can determine whether or not you need some extra attention," Shotaro had been feeling a bit of that, "It better helps your doctor understand if there's extra treatment you need. Sicheng's doctor didn't think he needed it since he never got dizzy but they did anyway. They checked his eyes too in case he was showing the early signs of gestational blindness. That was a pretty scary thing, but luckily he didn't show any signs of it."

Gestational blindness sounded terrible, "Oh, I remember my doctor mentioning something about ears," Shotaro lied. He was believing every word Yuta was speaking without question. It made sense to him with how little he actually knew, "I didn't know that's what that was for," he chuckled, feigning embarrassment at his actions, "But my dizziness isn't too terrible and they didn't feel the need to do it. They told me that if it got any worse or became consistent then I would need to get proper testing."

"Interesting because they test everyone. Your doctor didn't test you?" Yuta asked, shock playing out in his features. Malpractice was no joke. 

Shotaro's eyes widened, crafting an answer quickly, "They told me they'd test me later. My first appointment wasn't the right time to do so, but definitely the next one," ears were linked to dizziness? Who knew?

But little did he know, it was all a lie and Yuta had caught Shotaro red handed. It had been a test of his honesty and Shotaro had failed. He hadn't gone to that appointment at all, but Yuta wasn't going to say anything about it. He was going to count on Shotaro to tell him the truth eventually even if it was embarrassing, "I hope the results are good then. If left untreated, the results aren't always the prettiest. Some people can go deaf in one ear." 

That was terrifying but he wasn't going to show Yuta how scared he was, "Hopefully I get the best care then so I don't have to deal with something like that."

Yuta nodded, continuing to smile, "We'll have to talk about maternity leave later, and whether or not you want to work up until you go into labor or if you want a bit of a break before the big day," which was hard to properly plan if they didn't have an accurate due date to work off of, "And we'll have to figure something out for you to do once you start getting really big," he would have a belly eventually and that was wild, "You can probably supervise lessons or work more in younger, kiddy classes that are less rigorous but we'll cross that bridge once we get there. But we have plenty of time to figure things out

"That sounds good," he would work until he was in labor so he would have enough money to survive until he was back at work. Pay would stay the same and that was what he was worried about the most. He would be okay until then. Hopefully. 

"I'm excited for you, Taro," Yuta smiled, even though he felt lied to. Shotaro was indeed having a baby and that was incredibly exciting, even if he hadn't made the steps to make sure his baby was okay. It was a little irresponsible if you asked Yuta. 

"Thank you," Shotaro bowed, ready to not be in this room where he felt stuffy and claustrophobic, "I think I'm going to go stretch some and dance. I need to clear my head a little," Shotaro claimed, already lifting himself from his chair. He didn't want to be in that room anymore and he especially didn't want to be so close to Yuta, even though they were sitting at the table across from each other, "There's so much to think about," he didn't have any early classes today and so he was in no rush to go anywhere. Still, he wanted to move faster. 

"There is. I'll see you later at lunch time," Yuta huffed as he sat back in his chair, watching as Shotaro left. He was a lot of work, that was for sure. 

Shotaro felt like crying in all honesty, but he wasn't going to do that here. Shotaro had a horribly guilty conscious but he wasn't going to release anything here. He would wait until he was behind the safety of his apartment walls. Shotaro hated lying so much but he had to so he could save his pride. He couldn't handle disappointment from Yuta. That was his worst nightmare. 

But this was only the beginning. He had such a long way to go. 

Chapter Text

Shotaro was working nonstop and it was exhausting. He was rarely ever home anymore and that was a difficult change when all he wanted to do was lie down and sleep. Luckily, nausea was no longer hindering his ability to go to work and was more of an afterthought now, thank goodness. He had an appetite again, had gained a few pounds, and was doing okay, but exhaustion was the biggest bother, especially now that he had two jobs consuming his time. His jobs were necessary for funding his life for hopefully a foreseeable future, but it was so difficult to juggle and balance and it was getting in the way. Eighty-five-hour work weeks were his normal, and he had time for nothing else. Shotaro was doing his best but knew he wasn't doing everything he could, including the most important thing.

Shotaro had meant to make another appointment with the clinic after failing to show up to the first but he was always so tired and always so busy, and it was nigh on impossible to make that call with a clear head and ample time. Due to this, he still hadn't confessed his lies to Yuta and it was embarrassing to admit but even two months later he still had not seen a doctor and still had not told the truth. He knew how bad that was and how badly he needed to meet with a doctor to make sure the baby was okay, but he had no time and no money. And he was afraid. Being told he was pregnant was terrifying, even if he already knew he was pregnant, and he wasn’t ready to be a parent. It was nerve-wracking trying to figure out a major life event and near-future events with strangers that spoke a language better than him. There would be so much he wouldn’t be able to understand and the frustration he gets thinking about it is enough to deter him from seeing a medical professional for help. In short, he was sparing his pride and was preventing awkward conversations he wasn’t ready for. 

Shotaro had convinced himself that he was okay on his own, and with his diligence he was going through the motions and symptoms with pregnancy and everything that followed. Going to a doctor would make it official and Shotaro was not ready for that. It was ridiculous, he knew that, but he was handling this the way he thought was best. He still had plenty of mental preparation to complete before he would be in a decent place. 

For now he was managing on his own and didn't think he needed that much professional help anyway. He'd been using the endless internet as a guide and so far it had helped, searching up everything he could when he needed to know. He'd done his research online about prenatal supplements and other such things and had several bottles lined up on his kitchen counter so he could remember to take them in the mornings. He had changed his diet accordingly on his own and was always trying to stay on top of his meal plans. In addition to his health, Shotaro checked for weekly updates on Baby's development to get a better idea of what they were like at that time, with an estimate of how far along he thought he was. From what he could get from the internet, Baby was most likely the size of a nectarine if he was right about the conception date. Honestly, he had no idea, but he was most likely close to or in the second trimester and that was terrifying as well. Time seemed to fly and drag simultaneously.

With all aspects of his life keeping him busy mentally and physically, Shotaro had more or less dropped off the face of the earth, disappearing out of nowhere and confining himself to hours upon hours of work. He was always at the academy teaching and lesson prepping or at the cafe, the second job he had picked up for the sake of money, and he was always out of his apartment, and this worried who the most? Sungchan, of course. He was the one who noticed the sudden lack of Shotaro the most and wanted to know why he was no longer around. 

Within the last two months, Sungchan had seen Shotaro a grand total of two times, but during those two times, Shotaro hadn't even given him the time of day. Sungchan had seen Shotaro once in the lobby as he was leaving the apartment and Shotaro was entering, returning home after a long day on a Friday night. He looked exhausted and his whole body was slumped, shrunk in on itself, feet dragging behind him with his hands shoved deep into his pockets. Sungchan had attempted to strike up a conversation, asking where Shotaro had been lately and if he was doing well, but Shotaro seemed disinterested and seemingly off about it. Sungchan was picking up on what he believed to be discomfort speaking to him and that had never happened before, not even when they first met and there was that huge language barrier. Shotaro genuinely did not want to talk to him and Sungchan hadn't known why, so he had left it for the time being, telling Shotaro to get some rest and he would talk to him another time. In response, Shotaro had only nodded with a quiet 'goodnight' and had gone on his way, picking up the pace to get further away faster up the stairs. It had been such an odd exchange that Sungchan hadn't been able to stop thinking about it even when he was at the bar with several of his friends that night. He had agonized over it for hours until he was tipsy enough to lose focus and forget his problems. The worry only returned when he awoke the next morning and pushed past the hangover banging at his skull. It hadn't been too pleasant, and on top of it, he was still anxious and worried for his friend. 

The second time Sungchan had seen Shotaro, three weeks after their last encounter, he had been doing laundry in the laundromat connected to their building. He'd only just started a load in the washer and was getting comfortable in a nearby seat, a book in his hand to pass the time it took before he had to move his clothes to the drier. He had been so immersed in his reading that he almost failed to greet the person who walked into the room, too lost in the fantastical world on the pages. Luckily, he lifted his head with a friendly smile to say a soft 'hello', and was surprised to see Shotaro carrying a comically full laundry basket into the laundromat. He looked even more exhausted than before, something Sungchan hadn't thought was possible, and again his body was slumped and he was dragging his feet. The bags under his eyes were dark and a deep purple, and his cheeks looked hallowed, skin pallid and white. He looked sick to be quite honest and Sungchan could feel the worry burning a hole in his chest. 

He had waited until Shotaro set his things down on the ground before approaching him, thinking of what to say to his friend he hadn't seen in so long. When he got closer he realized Shotaro had propped himself on the edge of his hard plastic basket with his arms locked, head hung between them as he tried to catch his breath. It was disconcerting and it made the anxiety swirl faster in Sungchan's gut. He cleared his throat and spoke as collectedly as he could, "Are you okay, Taro hyung?"

Shotaro's head whipped up so fast he nearly stumbled back, eyes wide in shock. He knew that voice all too well, and when he made eye contact with Sungchan he straightened up, chest heaving with heavy breaths. Shotaro was so tired he was finding it hard to breathe properly. It didn’t help that the baby was probably growing up towards his lungs and taking up space already. He had looked it up beforehand and it made sense, "Oh, hello, Sungchan," he paused, tongue going dry in his mouth, "I didn't see you when I walked in." 

Sungchan nodded with a soft smile, trying to figure out the best way to approach the topic without overwhelming Shotaro, "You looked a little preoccupied and too tired to really see me," he had been sitting on the opposite end of the laundromat, the furthest washer from the entrance, tucked away in a hidden corner between two stacks of double driers. Sungchan didn't blame him for not noticing his being there, "I hope you're doing alright," he genuinely hoped Shotaro was doing better than he looked, "I haven't been able to ask you that in a while."

Shotaro gave a shy, not genuine laugh that didn't sit right with Sungchan, "I'm doing just fine, I'm just really, really tired," he tried to bite his tongue to keep from telling Sungchan everything about his busy schedule and the trials it came with. Sungchan was too easy to talk to and share everything with, but Shotaro couldn’t. Not when this was a problem for him as well, "I'm still trying to adjust a bit to the country and the climate. I thought it would be better at this point, but apparently not,” a nervous laugh followed, teeth forcing a fake smile that was nearly chilling. 

Sungchan nodded along and could see the wheels turning in Shotaro's head. He looked panicked in thought and before Sungchan could ask if he needed anything or if he wanted to talk about it, Shotaro was rolling his eyes and huffing, coming out more like a wheeze with a crooked smile, "Ugh, I totally forgot to grab change for the machines. I need to go back to my flat and grab some," he awkwardly laughed and grabbed the edges of his laundry basket again but before he could heave it up, Sungchan was speaking again and cutting in.

"I have some spare change if you need it. I broke a larger bill and have more than enough for both the washer and the drier if you need it. I don't mind," he started to fish in his track pants pocket, feeling the cool metal of the coins brush his fingertips. He had way too much he wasn't going to use, since he didn't carry cash, and helping Shotaro was never a nuisance. It was something he wouldn't mind doing all the time. 

Shotaro straightened back up, using a hand to rub at his opposite shoulder as if urging a better response from himself, "No no, I couldn't ask that of you," he shook his head, more nervous laughs leaving his chapped lips. It was unsettling to Sungchan, so different from his usual, bubbly laughs. There was something off and he wished he knew what it was, but he didn't feel now was an appropriate time to ask such deep questions. Not in the laundromat at least. 

"You're not asking, I'm offering," Sungchan amended, finally pulling out the right amount needed to start the washer first, "I really don't mind. If you need it I’ll hand it over," Hell, he'd hand it over even if Shotaro didn't need it. He wasn't too big a fan of change and he would happily give it away, especially to Shotaro who always worked so hard. It would be considered a small gift, "It's no problem at all." 

"Thank you, but no thank you," Shotaro smiled, eyes remaining dull and lacking that usual gleam he always had. Sungchan felt his throat tighten, missing the sight, "I'll just go back to my apartment where I already have a bunch of change I need to get rid of," he nodded his head and then bent over again, this time successfully lifting the overfilled basket.

Sungchan stepped in again, sticking an arm out to rest on the ellipses of the basket to keep it in place, "You can leave your stuff here if you'd like. I'll still be here for a while and I'll make sure no one takes it," he offered as he attempted a lighthearted quip, but it didn't land as Shotaro smiled nervously yet again. He hadn't even spared Sungchan a modest giggle, "And the trip will be easier to make."

"I don't want to put an extra chore on your list," Shotaro tried, shaking his head lightly, trying to lift it again. But Sungchan was stopping him once more, a firmer hand this time. He didn't want Shotaro to overwork himself, more than he obviously already was. 

"I'm not doing much," Sungchan stated, holding up the book that was still in his free hand, "I'll just sit here and you can run up and grab change for the machines and then come back. We can hang out then and catch up," they hadn't hung out in a while and it was really getting to Sungchan. He missed the older greatly and his heart pined after him.  

Shotaro sighed under his breath, and Sungchan caught it, slight frown conquering his previous smile, "I'd feel more comfortable if my clothes were with me, but thank you," he finally lifted the basket without Sungchan's interference, letting it press into his upper stomach as he used his body to lift it, "I'll be right back," he assured with a weak smile, turning to leave the laundromat at a fast pace, hands gripping the edge of the basket, "See you in a second," he promised before he was disappearing into the hallway. Sungchan watched after him until he was out of sight and was looking forward to his return. 

Only he didn't return and he instead left Sungchan to wonder where he went. Everyone who walked in afterwards, Sungchan grew excited in hopes that it was Shotaro, but he never showed face and he was always disappointed. Shotaro was gone and Sungchan felt he had let him slip away far too easily. He should have tried harder to make him stay, because now he had no idea when he would see his friend next. He knew he was home now at least but after their interaction, it was obvious Sungchan wasn't going to make any progress getting to Shotaro. He would leave him alone this one time. It was impossible to reach him and Sungchan wished he had better luck at cornering the older in conversation because he needed to hear him say more to him than a few words at a time.

It killed Shotaro to avoid Sungchan and it was nearly impossible to try and not talk to him, but he needed to. Staying away meant Sungchan would eventually lose interest in him and then he wouldn't have to worry about him and the baby. Shotaro would rather have that than have Sungchan hate him for something that wasn't supposed to happen. Shotaro planned to move soon, but apartment hunting was hard and he didn't have the time to properly explore his options. He needed somewhere close to where he worked; there were cheaper apartments over by the studio anyway. His contract for his lease was flexible, he just might be able to do it, preferably before he was huge and before it was hard to hide the fact he was having a baby. He had already started showing, the tiniest curve right under his belly button bowing out that was making it hard to wear any pair of his tighter jeans. It was good to see the physical proof that the baby was growing, but the anxiety that filled Shotaro's chest was overwhelming. He tried not to think about it, because being a mother had not been in the plan for Shotaro, and he had no idea what to do. 

Shotaro was sure of one thing at this time: he could not and would not return to Japan. He was too embarrassed and ashamed to do that. Shotaro came to Korea for his independence, away from his parents so he could live life as an adult and really make a name for himself. He had a dream to dance in one of the biggest entertainment and music industries in the world, spend his days dancing and performing once he had enough money to provide for himself while doing so. Dancing meant everything to him and to do it for work and get paid for it outside of teaching would be his dream come true. But it was not something his parents were very supportive of, wanting him to instead work in an office where he would have a steady income and promised work for years to come. If he were to return to Japan and live with his parents they would surely interfere and give him references to jobs he did not want. He wanted to do life on his own, but a baby would put a damper on that, and with impending bills to pay, moving back in with his parents would be a highly considered option. It was always an unsettling thought to Shotaro and he was going to do everything he could to not let that happen. 

He hadn't even told his parents yet; he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had no boyfriend first of all, no partner to call the father and neither parents would take that very well. Shotaro could picture their looks of disappointment and could hear a lecture ringing in his ears about poor choices and lack of responsibility and he didn't want to hear anything like that. And telling them would only urge them to invite him home and close to them. Shotaro was keeping quiet and told himself he would tell them when they needed to know. That was at least another few months, and Shotaro was dreading that day that would inevitably come. Their reactions were not something he was anticipating and fear sat lodged in his throat. 

Still, the only one who knew Shotaro was pregnant was Yuta, and Shotaro was struggling with an entirely different issue there. He hadn't told Yuta he had lied and he hadn't seen a doctor yet, and he was working his way around that the best he could without giving away too much. Yuta's disappointment was something he desperately wanted to avoid because Shotaro didn't think he could handle that either. He looked up to Yuta so much and Yuta took him under his wing when Shotaro arrived to the country and was such a big help in his adjustment period. Upsetting him was not ideal and he’d rather the lie continue until Shotaro did something to amend it and play it off. He would need to see a doctor soon; it was on top of his list of things to do. 

Shotaro was more or less in hiding, which was difficult to do when the father of your child lived right down the hall, but he was making do. And no matter how much he did his best to hide away and make as little contact as possible, Sungchan was always trying to get his attention and was failing miserably at it. Shotaro did his best sleuthing to avoid him and it was affecting Sungchan greatly.

Sungchan wanted so badly to just say hello to Shotaro but it was extremely difficult to catch him when he was home. It was so unlike Shotaro and Sungchan was immensely confused. He had thought Shotaro liked him, as a friend if nothing else. Was he avoiding him? Sungchan knew that was the most plausible answer, but why? What did he do? To the extent of his knowledge, absolutely nothing at all. Shotaro hadn’t called him out for anything before, in fact, he was usually smiling at whatever Sungchan did, and Sungchan was a kind person and didn’t say anything that would upset anyone. It didn’t make sense. Was he still sick? Last time he had a meaningful conversation with him he was and then all of the sudden he wasn’t talking to him anymore. Was it worse than what he was letting on? Was it serious? With the way Shotaro had been looking it made sense. The thought made Sungchan’s stomach roll and made him feel sick and his knees shake. Several times he had caught himself diagnosing Shotaro with terrible illnesses, anxiety making him think horrendous things as solutions to his disappearance. He didn’t like to think about it but he couldn't help it. He was worried for his good friend and he would give anything to speak to him as though nothing was wrong.

They were sleeping with each other for God’s sake; Shotaro would tell him anything. The level of comfort they shared with each other was unmatched and there was no stone unturned with them. Sungchan would even bet Shotaro had retained everything he had ever told him about himself, and Sungchan knew he was just the same. Did he do something to upset Shotaro? He didn’t think he had… but there was no way he could know with no explanation and it was killing him. He wanted at least an inkling of information so he could try and fix it to the best of his abilities, but that was incredibly difficult when Shotaro wouldn't give him the time to amend his mistakes. Sungchan could cry at how frustrated he was and how his gut rolled with anxiety thinking about it. He was having a hard time as of late. 

Jungwoo was starting to notice it now. He could easily see how on edge Sungchan was most of the time if not all the time, and had also noticed the lack of Shotaro in the apartment. Shotaro was their guest often and to not have him around felt bizarre even to Jungwoo. He understood wanting to see a best friend but this was a little out of hand if you asked him. You would think Sungchan was pining for a long lost lover rather than a close friend. Sungchan was trying very hard to connect with him again, but to Jungwoo, it was obvious that Shotaro was doing it on purpose and if that was the case then Sungchan should do the same out of respect. 

One night Sungchan was particularly antsy and pacing in the kitchenette after making the effort to walk to Shotaro’s apartment to knock on the door. He wanted to hopefully get a good few words in and strike up dearly missed conversation, but Shotaro hadn’t answered, just like he hadn't answered the past few times Sungchan had tried. This was usually followed by a frown and a few groans about him not being able to see him and then a night full of activities that would distract him, but Sungchan was taking this more personally than the other times before. It was becoming too prevalent in his routine and Jungwoo had to figure out what Sungchan’s problem was before he lost his mind completely, “Why are you so fussy?” he asked, coming from a place of curiosity rather than malice, “You have other friends you could hang out with if you really need to see someone that bad,” he factually stated. He knew a good handful of friends who weren’t doing anything tonight and if one friend wasn’t available then he could move onto someone else. Sungchan had many options yet he was fixating on this one, "Ten hyung and Jaehyun hyung are going to some night market and you could totally tag along with no problem,” Ten was a big believer in 'the more the merrier’ when it came to things like this, and Jaehyun could never disagree. They were always open to more guests and bigger parties, “I’ll even go with you if they say it's okay.”

Sungchan pouted, stopping to lean back against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest, head hung low, ”Yeah, I know. Ten hyung even invited me over text earlier and I have yet to respond," he knew he had plenty of other friends to spend time with, but…, “But they're not Shotaro hyung,” he rebutted with a final huff, chewing hard on his bottom lip. If he was honest with himself, he really truly missed Shotaro and it was consuming his soul, "I could hang out with other people but they're not the ones I want to see.”

Jungwoo had to laugh, chuckling at his roommate's words because he had never heard that before. He cooed obnoxiously and would have pinched Sungchan's cheek had he been close enough, “Awww, does someone have a crush?” Jungwoo was good at teasing and was delving into that skill now to hopefully get a rise out of the younger. If Sungchan was so pouty he was sure there were at least some feelings behind it. This didn’t all come from pure concern from a friend standpoint. Sungchan would budge if asked the right questions and Jungwoo had to push his way until he got those answers, "Is someone horny and can't get off? Do you miss your sex buddy?" again, he was good at teasing and bothering other people. 

The way the heat pooled and bubbled in Sungchan's stomach had him fuming, jaw clenching in anger at Jungwoo's lack of compassion for his situation until his teeth started to hurt, on the verge of cracking. You'd think he'd be a better friend but evidently, he wasn't, "Stop that!" Sungchan warned, a bite behind his words, hands clenching against his chest with his nails catching his shirt, "It's not just sex with him.”

“Oh but I think it is,” Jungwoo disagreed. He had been a good sport about all the times Sungchan wanted him out of the apartment so he could be with Shotaro, leaving for hours at a time to give him space and privacy. Not once had he questioned it and he was happy to see that Sungchan had found someone to have so much fun with. He knew the two weren't exclusively having sex the entire time he was gone from the apartment, he knew Sungchan better than that, but this was a fun opportunity to tease him "You can tell me that's all it is. I know it's been a long time and you're all cranky now," he had been especially so the last few days, "Casual sex is fun, I completely understand and you don't have to explain that to me," Sungchan always kept what they did private and Jungwoo always assumed it was casual. He hadn't been told otherwise, "It's nothing to be ashamed about. Yukhei and I were the same way at some point," and here they were now, in a committed relationship four years down the road after those first few months of exclusively having sex and just hanging out. It had been Jungwoo who brought up the possibility of being a couple and Yukhei had been all for it. The both of them had suppressed their feelings for so long for no reason, and they were as happy as could be now. Together. 

"But like I just told you, hyung," Sungchan spit with more venom in his voice, annoyance scratching at his throat, "It's not all just about the sex. We do way more than that when we're together and not being able to do anything about it really sucks," Sungchan's teeth were hurting too much; he had to relax his jaw or they might crumble in his mouth, "Sure I miss the sex, but I miss the person more. I miss Shotaro hyung.”

Jungwoo chuckled again, lifting himself from the couch so he could join his friend in the kitchen, taking confident steps until he was leaning on the counter opposite Sungchan. His smile was annoying Sungchan, "You've been so mopey it's almost hilarious. I think you've caught feelings for the cute Japanese boy down the hall," Sungchan hadn't indicated before that he had a crush on Shotaro or humored him about it, but to Jungwoo it was plainly obvious. He just didn't know if Sungchan knew it yet. 

Sungchan shrugged. He'd always liked Shotaro, but he hadn't considered how he liked Shotaro until he wasn't seeing him anymore. His heart was connecting to his brain after so long and he had an epiphany, but he didn’t want to give Jungwoo the satisfaction of being right. He just loved to be right, and this was another instance where he was, "Maybe. I mean he's a great guy," but he was so much more than just a 'great guy'. There were the little things too, "Amazing actually; he's always so kind to everyone he meets and he makes easy friends. It's been a little harder for him here since he's not confident in speaking Korean just yet, but once he gets the hang of it he'll be unstoppable," an unconscious smile flitted its way onto Sungchan's face because he was able to speak about Shotaro and everything that was amazing about him. That was always one of his favorite things to do.

“And he's gorgeous. I mean, have you seen him? And his smile?" Shotaro's smile could light up the room, and it never failed to make Sungchan smile too. It was one of Sungchan's favorite things about him, "Always so pretty. And he has the cutest eye smile to go with it. His nose scrunches when he's smiling too, and when I've said something particularly funny, when he's really excited about something, like dance, or when his food tastes good, and it's just too adorable. It sometimes scrunches when he says hello, but not every time. I don't even think he realizes he does that," Sungchan couldn't imagine he knew. Shotaro didn't get to see himself do those things often, "His nose always scrunches when he laughs and it's the prettiest thing I've ever seen in my whole life," Sungchan could feel the bliss in his chest. Thinking about the older could cure any mood he was in, "There's so much about him that just speaks to my heart and makes me so happy, and I haven't seen any of it in so long. Too long," his smile was drooping into a sad frown. He didn't want to remind himself of the mental turmoil he was trying to navigate, "I miss him.”

Jungwoo was no longer in the mood to torture Sungchan; he wouldn't dare try it again now that it was all out in the open. He was realizing just how much Sungchan was suffering away from his friend and it was nearly heartbreaking, "So you really do like him?" he was glad Sungchan was finally accepting it, because now it was plainly obvious: he was pining for him. 

Sungchan's eyes were sad now because yes, yes he did. Sungchan sighed deeply after taking a breath that filled his entire chest. He wasn't sure he had properly breathed in minutes, too wrapped up in sharing every little detail about Shotaro to think about himself. He settled for a nod, short and slow, and then a simple, "I do.”

Jungwoo sighed himself, shaking his head because how much of an idiot could Sungchan be? "Have you ever talked with Shotaro about that kind of stuff before? How you guys feel about each other outside of casual sex and being just friends?" if Shotaro had tried to start a conversation about labels or where this was all going and Sungchan had shot him down, Jungwoo would understand why he was staying away. He would do the same thing, but he was sure Sungchan wasn't that clueless. He had a least a little faith in him. But then again, he didn't know why Shotaro was staying away in the first place. He couldn't assume so easily. 

Sungchan felt embarrassed now, "No. It's never come up..." he trailed off, truly feeling like a fool, "I mean, I don't think so at least.”

"Shit," Jungwoo groaned, tossing his head back and rolling his eyes, foot stomping on the kitchen floor as he straightened himself into a standing position, "Are you really that half-witted?" he was frustrated now, and he could see the way it was all clicking in Sungchan's head. This shouldn't have taken him so long to figure out, "Shotaro is probably feeling used, or mistreated at the very least, and while I know you didn't do it on purpose, of course you didn't, you still should have done better," Sungchan was smarter than that; how could he have been so brainless? 

And now that this option was on the table with no better answer to consider or contemplate, Sungchan was sure that was why Shotaro was staying away. It had to be why he was so distant recently, why he was avoiding him and saying as few words as possible to him if approached, why he was blatantly ignoring him. The seed was planted in his brain and it was now his truth. He hadn't meant to make Shotaro feel that way and now he felt horribly guilty. He felt like he really hurt Shotaro by not being serious about the two of them, "Oh hyung, what do I do now?”

Jungwoo huffed, "I'll tell you what you need to do! You need to try harder to get to him and tell him you like him because he needs to know as soon as possible.”

"But I have been trying and it's nearly impossible to get to him. He's never home anymore," or he was an expert at avoiding Sungchan and making it look like he wasn’t home, "Why do you think it's taken so long?" Sungchan had known Shotaro's work schedule exactly and knew when he was home and when he wasn't. That wasn't the case anymore and it was inconvenient and saddening. 

"I can't believe after all this time you haven't asked for his phone number," it was ridiculous. They had cell phones for a reason, "Our generation was raised on phones and relying on technology and you've managed to completely ignore it!" the two were only a few years younger than him and had more experience with such things. Why weren't they taking advantage of it!?

"Well, we never needed it before. No texts or calls are necessary when we can just walk down the hall and knock on each other's doors," saying it out loud now, he was realizing how ridiculous it was. It would help their current situation immensely, "Still, I should have asked before. You're right, but I haven't and I can't correct it now." 

"You need to come up with a plan, because if I know Shotaro, even a little, I know he's just as heartbroken over not seeing you as you are," Jungwoo was nearly angry. Sungchan knew better, "You need to fix the mess you got yourself into. Before it's really too late. Unless..." it had been weeks, months, and while Jungwoo didn't want to think about it, he had to consider that maybe Shotaro had simply moved on and he didn't want to see Sungchan and hurt him. It could very well be the case and it was something Sungchan had to think of it as a solution to his issue, "It already is too late and he's found someone else.”

"He wouldn't do that," Sungchan deadpanned with sincerity in his voice, eyes dark and oddly protective over his words and Shotaro. He sounded so sure of himself with no room for questioning and Jungwoo felt himself believing his friend's claim. Sungchan was telling Jungwoo the exact truth. 

"Okay," Jungwoo nodded, speaking nearly under his breath. He couldn't argue with Sungchan's claim, no matter how possible it was. It was odd how much power Sungchan had in that moment after cowering for a few minutes. 

"I just need to talk to him and apologize for what I've done, and it'll get better," he needed to fix what was going on between them because if he didn't he could lose Shotaro forever. 

But fixing everything, as it turns out, was incredibly difficult to do, and it was something he agonized over for the next few days. He spent every waking moment thinking of what he would say to Shotaro once he got him in one spot. It was really getting in the way of his work and being an accountant really required a lot of focus and concentration. His work was suffering greatly and on top of deadlines and worrying about Shotaro, he was nearly going insane. His mind was wandering and almost lost. 

He really, truly missed Shotaro, achingly so, and he was feeling like such a terrible person. He really, really liked him and he wondered why he hadn't noticed earlier. Denial? That couldn't be it. Apprehension? Maybe. It seemed plausible. Sungchan didn't want to complicate things by bringing feelings into what they had, but now he knew he had been idiotic by not establishing things. Not having Shotaro around clarified his need to be with him. He needed him by his side. 

Sungchan knew how much he liked and adored Shotaro, how big of a crush he had that was stowed away in his heart and it could make him giddy if circumstances were better. And now enlightened by this information and aware of how smitten he actually was, Sungchan felt like he lost a piece of his heart with the loss of Shotaro. He needed everything to be righted after his massive error. Sungchan needed to do this to remain sane.

———-

Sungchan unconsciously drummed his fingers on the metal of their front door, muted tings resonating in the apartment space and filling his head with white noise. He had just checked through the peephole of his apartment door again, having done so possibly one hundred other times that night. He had to keep an eye out if he wanted to catch Shotaro in the hallway. Sungchan was waiting for the older, and he had to keep watching if he was going to catch him at all, even if that meant waiting for two and a half hours already. He was sure it was going to take much longer, but he didn't mind. Not if it meant he was going to see Shotaro again. 

Shotaro was always home by six on Friday nights. Dance classes never went too long on the day before the weekend and Shotaro always went straight home once he was done, too tired to do much else so soon, especially with a job as demanding as a dance instructor. Friday evenings were more often than not spent with each other, getting Shotaro's favorite take-out chicken and watching a movie, maybe a night out on the town if they felt like it, something fun that would kickstart their weekends. It was always a good stress reliever for the both of them, but that hadn't happened in far too long and there was a clear reason why embedded in Sungchan's skull. He had hurt Shotaro and he was avoiding him, and Sungchan didn't blame him. 

Sungchan wished he could snatch at least one more Friday night that he could spend with his good friend. It was autumn now and festivals, markets, and plenty to do were abundant, but Sungchan hadn't been able to do any of it with Shotaro like he wanted to. He wished that change could be easily made, and he hoped Shotaro would forgive him for being so careless and thoughtless, and hurting him so. There was so much he wanted to do with him, so much he wanted to show him. There was so much of South Korea that Shotaro needed to see and venture and Sungchan wanted to be the one to show him. Now, he was afraid it would never happen. 

Sungchan’s anxiety was making itself clear now as he waited for this nerve-wracking confrontation. It showed up in the most stressful of situations and the tension he felt building behind his eyes was almost overwhelming, like a migraine waiting to strike. He hadn't felt this anxious in a while and he was thinking of all the ways he could properly cope to help him calm his nerves, but he couldn't make himself actually do any of them. He was too nervous to think properly, too occupied with piecing together tiny parts of a whole conversation that was soon to come. Sungchan had no clear direction with what he was going to say to Shotaro once they were face to face, but he hoped it would be enough to keep him in place so he could talk. Sungchan wanted to fix what had happened between them and maybe return to what he hoped was normal, but he knew there was always the chance that Shotaro would disagree, and Sungchan would have to continue to adjust to his new reality. That would be awful.

Sungchan was hoping for the best with his muddled mind and heart. He was hoping he would be lucky enough to catch Shotaro walking home tonight, and he was hoping things would finally be settled with civil conversation. He was going insane without proper answers, and he was sure he would fall even further into a pit of insanity without at least trying to amend things with Shotaro. He needed to try and he needed to do it now. 

All of Sungchan's anxiety was making Jungwoo anxious and he was just about tired of it. He understood all the tension in Sungchan's muscles and bones, all the apprehension and the fear, but that didn't mean he wanted to feel it as well. He was supposed to be sitting comfortably with Yukhei tucked close to his side, contentedly catching up on the newest episode of their favorite drama together, but he had barely picked up on a word they were saying and he had missed half of the episode, and this was supposedly a good one based on what his friends had told him. Jungwoo was losing his patience and he grabbed the remote to their tv, pausing so he could reason with Sungchan, "Can you stop being such a creep and stop staring through the peephole? All of your wiggling around is making my stomach flip,” Jungwoo didn’t want to feel anxious when he was supposed to be enjoying his time with his boyfriend. The two of them had been busy this week and there hadn’t been much time spent together, and they were trying to rectify it now. But it was difficult with Sungchan being so fidgety. Yukhei was starting to get antsy too, throwing looks over his shoulder whenever Sungchan made noise. 

Sungchan whipped his head over his shoulder, frowning pitifully at his friend, "But I have to see when Shotaro hyung gets home," if he looked away for even a second he could miss his arrival. And then there would be more days of an agonizing wait, and he didn't think his head nor his heart could take that. Waiting was extremely difficult, “Once I see him then I’ll get out of your hair. I’ve only been seeing neighbors so far,” just a few. This hallway wasn’t so active this time of night, which made it easier for Sungchan to pinpoint who was who. 

Jungwoo huffed in annoyance, leaving Yukhei's side so he could engage in conversation better, leaning over the back of the couch so he could face his friend, "I get that, but there has to be a better way to talk to him than this. The apartment has this weird energy because of you and your hovering," Jungwoo would prefer it if Sungchan just stopped what he was doing, but Jungwoo could also express his empathy for his best friend. He felt for Sungchan a lot. He knew he would do just the same if Yukhei suddenly stopped talking to and contacting him. Come to think of it, Jungwoo would probably go absolutely insane if his boyfriend did that to him. Jungwoo would do far worse than anxiously pacing behind a door, but he didn’t want to think about it in detail. He never wanted Yukhei to leave his side, and he didn’t think he would ever have to worry about that, "Just stop what you're doing." 

"But I have to talk to him," Sungchan insisted, tone growing darker with a whine lifting the end of his words, "I want to know why this happened and I want to know how I can fix it, and if I want to do that then I have to keep watching the hallway,” reminded of what he was doing, Sungchan turned his head and looked through the peephole again, scanning the hallway but finding yet again, no one in sight. Disappointment weighed his gut down like a rock, “I want to see him.” 

Jungwoo rolled his eyes, "Then go stand at his door and wait so Yukhei and I can relax without you being weird," Jungwoo was never this direct and was often more compassionate, but Sungchan had been an idiot and he felt no such remorse towards his harsh words, "Then you really won't miss him when he gets home, because looking back and forth through a peephole isn't cutting it," Jungwoo stated, turning back to the TV and cuddling tighter into Yukhei's side. The Hong Kong native had stayed silent through the argument and had looked back and forth between the two helplessly. He didn't know what to say, but he felt sorry for Sungchan. What he was going through was not easy, "It'll be harder for Shotaro to run away when you're standing right in front of his escape route. Then you two can figure out what's going on." 

Even though slightly hurt, bearing his bluntness to his chest, Sungchan had to admit what Jungwoo had suggested was a much better plan than what he was doing now. It was hard to think normally when he was so anxious, but now given the idea, Sungchan had to do exactly that, "Okay... I'll head out then," he addressed the back of Jungwoo's head with his tail tucked between his legs, turning towards the door again so he could leave in a hurry. Jungwoo hummed in acknowledgment, done with his roommate's antics and lack of common sense. He was going to leave Sungchan to his own devices now. He could figure it out. 

Sungchan opened the door and let it shut softly behind him, the metal lock set scraping and fitting into the jamb with a nice and resounding click. The noise rang in Sungchan's ears as he headed towards Shotaro's door, feeling his heartbeat vibrate in the soles of his feet. He was still wearing his house slippers, too much in a hurry to remember and change them for regular shoes but he didn't care. They still worked and it didn't matter too much in the long run, not when he had bigger concerns to focus on.

Sungchan barely registered his proximity to the door until he was right at the entrance, a foot keeping him separate from the metal panels ahead of him. Sungchan bit his lip, thinking what he could do as he waited for Shotaro to return home. Sungchan was only half aware as his body started to move, stooping lower so he could sit at the threshold of the door and make camp. He moved too fast and crashed to the floor, hurting his tail bone and knocking his elbow against the bottom hinge in the process. He barely felt the pain though, too concentrated on his surroundings to think about himself because now he was going to have a better chance at catching Shotaro. It was exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time, and it gave him some time to think further about what he wanted to say to the older. It was still a mess and jumbled, but he thought that if Shotaro would arrive right then, he could probably get most of his point across. He had enough to say and hopefully enough to settle this. 

It didn't take long for Sungchan to get comfortable on the floor, legs crossed and hands balanced on his knees. Sungchan chewed on his bottom lip and could feel the way it was starting to turn red and tear between his teeth. Waiting was awful and if he would have to guess he would say he had hours more to anticipate before Shotaro's return. What could Shotaro be doing so late now? Was he needed at the academy longer? Was he teaching night classes? Sungchan didn't think the academy did that, so he had to rule it out right there. Another job? Sungchan knew how busy Shotaro was on a good day, he didn't think he could mentally or physically handle a second job. It didn't seem likely to Sungchan, but still, it could happen if times were tough. It could be anything and Sungchan was trying his best to decode the situation, but the one variable that itched at every centimeter of his brain, that he truly wished was not true, was the possibility that Shotaro was seeing someone else. It made perfect sense, and Jungwoo thought so too since he had mentioned it beforehand, but he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to consider it an option. Shotaro seeing someone other than him hurt Sungchan an incredible amount. It made his throat dry out and his fists clench in front of him, nails catching on his jeans. He did not expect jealously to show its ugly head so prominently, but here it was and it was making him feel ill. If that were really the case, Sungchan didn't know what he would do with himself. It didn't feel fair to be left out of the dark like this, and it didn't feel fair for Shotaro to do that to him. But hopefully, it wasn't the case. 

Shotaro reached the top of the staircase and needed a second to catch his breath, using a firm hand to grip at the hand railing to keep his balance while the other one rested on his chest. The elevator was once again out of service and Shotaro had uttered a few curse words as he had read the sign. Now was not the time to not have an elevator with how he was living life right now. The building management really needed to fix the mechanics. 

Shotaro was thoroughly and utterly exhausted and was genuinely excited to be laying in his bed. He had no plans to fill the remaining hours of the night and lucky for him, Shotaro had the day off tomorrow entirely. That didn't happen often, and he preferred he use his time working to get more money but he felt himself running thin as of late. He needed a break, he knew that, and he was going to use his time wisely and rest as much as he could. He had made plans to call the prenatal clinic to finally get an appointment once he found out he wasn't going to be working on a Saturday, but he kept pushing it off more and more and never got around to it. He was hoping they could accept last-minute calls for appointments, and if not, then he would really need to call and take a day off of work to go see someone. He had been telling himself to do that for weeks and had yet to get any closer to making a call. Not knowing anything about his pregnancy or the baby was killing him, but he had no time and no motivation to go outside of his comfort zone. He would like to know, but his anxieties and worries for life were getting in the way.

Shotaro took slow steps forward so he could complete his travel home. He was looking forward to removing his shoes and the sticky clothing hidden underneath his thick hoodie, covered in coffee and food stains. He didn't have a uniform for his job at the cafe, thankfully, but he did always make it a point to wear dark clothing to help hide the stains that made their way onto his top during his shifts. He had a specific set of shirts for when he worked there, and they were all slowly being ruined. Shotaro felt disgusting and he desperately needed a hot shower, and maybe a cup of hot green tea to top it off. The weather was getting colder as winter snuck up on him and Shotaro was not looking forward to it. He had a line of hot teas lined up in his head that he would be practically swimming in when it was too cold to handle. He hoped the baby liked tea because he would be drinking it like a fish. 

Shotaro sighed and lifted his head, looking away from his feet so he could better locate his door once he passed the corner that would lead to his hall of rooms. His already slow steps slowed to a complete halt as he caught sight of an anxious-looking Sungchan sitting on his doorstep, enthralled in his phone as he chewed on his thumbnail nervously. Shotaro felt his heart pick up speed and his throat close in reaction because he wasn't ready to do this. There was no escaping Sungchan when he was sitting right there in front of his door, and Shotaro was sure he was there to talk. He was hoping the day would never come, but here it was, ready to laugh in his face and ruin his day. Shotaro wanted to avoid any questions that could lead to his sharing of his pregnancy, but part of him was still trying to convince him to tell Sungchan and get the pain over with. Both were incredibly conflicting mindsets and Shotaro didn't know what he was going to do when the time came, which was in a few seconds. 

The scuff of Shotaro's boots against the worn carpet was what caught Sungchan's attention. Thumb falling from his mouth with a small pop, he looked away from his phone to glance where the barely audible sound came from and he felt his heart skip once he caught sight of Shotaro standing there with a blank expression muting his features, not an inch of a smile in the works. Sungchan couldn't decipher what it meant exactly but he didn't care to at the time. He hopped up onto his feet, furiously shoving his phone in his pants pocket to get it out of his hands, "Shotaro hyung," he greeted, voice cracking as he swallowed. It felt like a rock scratching its way down his throat as he did so, but he ignored the pain. Shotaro was finally home and he was finally going to talk to him. 

"Sungchan," Shotaro called in return, doing his best to execute even a small smile. It was hard to do so when he was feeling the awful mix of emotions swirling in his chest. There was mostly guilt drowning his heart and it was making it hard to make eye contact with the younger man in front of him, "It's nice to see you," which wasn't a lie. It was a pleasure seeing Sungchan, but under better circumstances, he would be warmer and more inviting while speaking. 

"Hyung," Sungchan called again, "It's been a long time," he stated. It had been a month since they last interacted, and Sungchan noted that while Shotaro still seemed exhausted and not like himself, he did notice that he had gained a little bit of weight since the last time he saw him and that was somehow reassuring to Sungchan. There was a soft and slight roundness to his cheeks and his eyes didn't look as sunken in as they were. His skin looked brighter as well, not pale and sickly. That had to mean he was at least doing a little better, right? 

"I know, and I'm really sorry about that," Shotaro apologized, stuttering with his Korean. Getting caught off guard was not helping his already low ability to think when he was both physically and mentally drained. Trying to speak a different language was difficult when he was so out of it, "I didn't mean to stay so far away," more like he didn't want to, but it was something he thought he had to do. 

"Then what happened?" Sungchan asked immediately, curiosity killing him and driving his words further, "I mean, it's been two months since you first started acting like this, and I haven't received any answer that would tell me why," Sungchan could feel the way his voice was stuttering in his vocal cords, voice cracking in hurt. He wanted to dive right into all the questions and get all the answers he needed, but he didn't like confrontation and it felt wrong trying to get answers this way. He didn't want to bombard Shotaro, "And I do want to know why.”

Shotaro inhaled and held his breath in his chest, unsure where to start and how to approach the topic. He could open with the obvious truth that he was pregnant with Sungchan's baby and maybe work from there, but that seemed too sudden and could cause a lot of hurt, so he considered doing it slowly, but that could build frustration and explosion. It was hard to make a decision, but Sungchan was soon continuing, face heating up with impatience, "You've been ignoring me, and when we have talked you don't talk to me like you used to. You avoid being around me and when we do happen to be together you avoid eye contact and it hurts, hyung. It really does," Sungchan was feeling slight anger behind his eyes. He was rarely ever angry but this just wasn't fair and now that Shotaro was in front of him he wanted to lay his heart out, and it was burying his heart in guilt. He had never been upset with Shotaro before, and being so now didn't feel too great. It made his teeth hurt and his hair stand on end, "And I don't want it to anymore," he sounded so sad, so downcast. 

Shotaro didn't know what to say. The words were caught in his throat and it was suddenly difficult to speak, even when Sungchan was giving him the time to do so. Shotaro felt powerless in his own body and part of him wanted to just walk away, tell Sungchan to go home and leave him alone. That felt so much easier, but what he had done already was unfair, leaving the younger in the dark, he couldn't end it by hurting Sungchan in the worst way. He was trying to find the right words, but after what felt like hours of the two of them just staring at each other, Sungchan took it upon himself to ask what was starting to eat at all of his nerves in his body, growing impatient, "You know, I understand if you've moved on to someone else, but you could have at least told me that you weren't interested anymore," Sungchan swallowed, and for a second believed he couldn't say anymore past the pain in his throat, "It would have saved me a lot of time trying to bother you so much," and heartache. He'd spent hours, days going through every worst emotion and it left him with headaches every night before going to bed. He could have done without those.

"That's not what's happening here," Shotaro promptly corrected, finally finding the courage to speak and make proper eye contact. His Korean was a little shaky with his anxiety raging in his brain but he was managing enough, "I couldn't ever do that to you. I am still very much interested in you," Shotaro inhaled, feeling his heart start to open up and tell Sungchan everything. There was no way he could back out now, "I think you're amazing and wonderful, and you're someone I really trust. You mean so so much to me," he sighed, happy memories of him and Sungchan flooding his head and nearly urging a smile onto his face. But then he was reminded of reality and the now and the idea of a smile receded to nothing, sad frown still heavy on lips, "But things are complicated right now," intensely complicated. Shotaro was slowly inching up on the truth and it was starting to make him sweat beneath his hoodie. He didn't want to hurt Sungchan by saying what needed to be said, and he didn't want Sungchan upset with him. 

Sungchan looked shaken in his spot, knocked out of an angry rage that was building in his chest. He cleared his throat, "Well, could you please explain why things are so complicated?" Sungchan pleaded, palms growing sweaty. He furiously wiped them on his pant legs, shifting in his spot and letting his head drop until his chin was touching his chest. Sungchan shut his eyes tight, feeling the strain in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. Sungchan didn't know why he was so upset, but all of his emotions were hitting him at that moment at full force and he was sure it was his inability to express all that he was feeling properly. Shotaro was normally so easy to talk to and Sungchan wanted to talk about so much with him but he just couldn't and it was making him... angry, and Shotaro could see it too. He could see the anger lifting the edges of Sungchan's features and the way it was furrowing his brows and it had him on edge. He was bringing out a side of Sungchan he had never seen before, and he felt guilt swirl in his lower belly. He needed to correct it, if that was something he could possibly do. 

Shotaro had so much to say to Sungchan but he froze in his spot and stiffened up. Shotaro stood there for what felt like forever, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. He had gone over this conversation so many times in his head, but now that Sungchan was in front of him and demanding answers, it was overwhelming and had his insides tightening. How do I do this? The voice in his head was telling him to say something, anything before Sungchan grew even more impatient. He finally released the breath trapped in his throat and sighed, eyes falling to Sungchan's feet so he couldn't see the anger that was sure to arise, "We weren't as careful as we thought we were," it was a start, not something Shotaro necessarily wanted to start with, but it was better than complete and deafening silence. 

Sungchan was confused, and visibly so. His left eyebrow cocked in confusion and his features twisted into something of disbelief and curiosity. He didn't know what Shotaro meant, and he was hoping to get an explanation soon, "What do you mean by that?" 

Shotaro shyly glanced back up at Sungchan and noted how much more relaxed he looked, both facially and physically. He didn't appear as rigid and his shoulders were more relaxed, no longer tucked towards his cheeks. His eyes were still full of frustration but there was an added sense of apprehension in them now. He knew he held the same look in his eyes, too afraid of the outcome if he proceeded. He swallowed thickly and cleared his throat, wringing his hands together in front of him, "I desperately don't want you to hate me," that was the last thing he wanted. Shotaro could feel the way his heart was begging for a positive reaction. 

Sungchan felt a chill run up his spine and the aftershock could be felt in his fingertips, turning them cold. He bit his cheek hard, tasting blood on his tongue. There was anger at such an absurd assumption, "I could never hate you," and that was the truth. He felt his hand try and reach out and touch Shotaro as the instinct to comfort him took over. But now was not the time and it felt so strange to attempt, so his hand returned to his side, fingers clinging onto the material of his bottoms, "I don't think I'm capable of doing that," there was not an ounce of hate in his heart for Osaki Shotaro. 

Sungchan sounded so sure of himself and Shotaro actually believed him, and it was finally a strong enough push to find the courage to confess. He inhaled a deep breath and could taste the words on his tongue, waiting patiently to be spoken. Shotaro exhaled shakily and licked his dry lips before getting his words out, trembling and resigned, "Then... what would you say about me... telling you I'm pregnant?" Shotaro felt the relief wash over him and the way his whole body relaxed after weeks of not being able to feel this way. He oddly felt at peace, even if what he had said was pretty big and earth-shattering news. He'd finally said it out loud and it honestly felt good.

Sungchan was on the other side of the spectrum. He had not been expecting that at all and it made his heart stop and his lungs constrict in his chest, stilling his being. Despite the impact of what Shotaro had told him, Sungchan couldn't help the solace that filled his chest now that he knew Shotaro wasn't sick with any of the diseases Sungchan feared he had, “You’re pregnant?” Shotaro nodded slowly, eyes shaking. There was a mix of relief and curiosity clouding Sungchan's mind, and in the midst of his confusion, his heart still begged the most important question, "Is it mine?" 

Shotaro was baffled at his boldness, wanting to take a step back and place some distance between them, but he instead nodded politely and confidently. It was an understandable inquiry and he didn't hold it against Sungchan for asking after the way Shotaro had been acting, "Of course it's your baby," there was no one else who could be the father. Shotaro was sure part of Sungchan already knew that, but fear and anxiety could control everything about you. 

And now Shotaro was expecting Sungchan to walk away, turn around and not even spare him a glance over the shoulder. Shotaro was expecting Sungchan to leave his life and never think back on it and leave him and the baby to themselves because there was no way he wanted to be a father at this point in his life. Shotaro was waiting for Sungchan to leave, but to his surprise, Sungchan was standing perfectly still in his place. Nothing about him was moving; he wasn't even blinking. That was a little more unsettling than watching him walk away in Shotaro's eyes. He didn't know what standing as still as a statue meant, but he didn't want to think about it anymore. He was exhausted and was starting to feel the way his knees were shaking from overuse and the way his feet felt as though they were ready to fall off. He really wanted to be inside his apartment so he could lie down and not feel as awful, "I'm really tired and I just want to sit down," he fumbled with his keys in his hoodie pocket and brought them out so he could unlock his door. His fingers felt numb as well, and maybe this was affecting him more than he thought it was, "Please let me through." 

Sungchan made his first move since Shotaro had told him the news. It was a short and quick nod of understanding, quiet and reserved as he read the situation. He could see how tired Shotaro was and he didn’t want to keep him on his feet much longer, so he stepped to the side completely out of Shotaro's way as the older unlocked the entrance with clumsy hands, watching as he pushed the metal door open so his apartment was open. Shotaro entered and Sungchan followed closely behind, taking careful steps so he didn’t step on Shotaro’s heels. Shotaro didn't know if he actually wanted Sungchan in his apartment at this time but he couldn't turn him away. Not after what he had just told him. Sungchan surely wanted to talk, and they definitely needed to. 

Shotaro headed right towards the couch after he haphazardly kicked his shoes off, not caring where they landed on the floor. The couch was calling his name and he so desperately wanted to fall victim to the song. Once close to the cushions, he let his body fall, crashing into the soft material and hurting his back as it hit the armrest and the hardwood frame on his way down. Shotaro didn't care though and let the pain fade out, using a hand to rub at his forehead in hopes that it would ease the mental anguish he was in and force the impending headache away. Sitting down made him feel so much better and he was in significantly less pain than he was in before. He would be content to just stay there for the night, but that was not in the cards for him.

Sungchan awkwardly stood to the side at first before deciding to take a seat across from Shotaro, planting himself gingerly on a round and sturdy footrest that could hold his weight, knees tucked together and body slumped forward as though he was submissive to Shotaro. Taking a seat on the couch didn’t feel quite right and Sungchan would guess doing so would prevent eye contact, and he needed that while they talked. He shook his legs, unsure how to start this because he had never done this before. He didn’t think he would have to talk about this with anyone, especially not Shotaro. They were always so careful, but evidently they had messed up somewhere. 

Sitting there in silence, the two of them felt as though they were children being scolded by their parents, pitted against each other as they tried to conclude a census. It was difficult to begin this conversation because there was a lot to talk about regarding both the baby and the two of them. 

Sungchan had chewed his lip raw and could feel the way it was throbbing against his tongue. He needed to say something or he wasn’t going to have a bottom lip soon. He shoved his hands in his pants pockets to prevent them from moving onto his fingers, otherwise, he would have no skin there either and he would be in all sorts of pain, "What do you want to do?" he asked, voice quiet, soft, and curious. It was a start, and hopefully, they could move on from this.

"Sleep," Shotaro answered honestly, clearing his throat and removing his hand from his forehead so he could face Sungchan. The glance didn't last long, Shotaro losing confidence and favoring looking at the floor rather than Sungchan's unreadable expression. He could read Sungchan so easily, but he wasn’t getting a single thing from his body language nor his expression and it was killing him. This was so difficult to do, impossibly harder than he ever thought it would be. 

"I meant about the baby," Sungchan chuckled, careful and unsure as he fixed his posture so his back was straight. He didn't know if this was the right time to laugh or giggle. It felt wrong to do so with the weight of reality weighing heavy on his shoulders, but he was one to laugh when he is nervous, "What do you want to do about the baby?" 

Shotaro shrugged defeatedly. He of course was keeping the baby; it was his baby after all, part him and part Sungchan, no matter their little slip-up. He hadn’t even considered doing anything other than parenting this baby, even if he did have options available, "I'm keeping them. I'll keep working and making money, maybe pick up a third job so I can afford baby things and appointments, and necessities along the way. Babies are tiny, but there's so much they need, and I need the money to afford it all,” he had a whole list in his notes after extensive research about the costs of what his baby would need. His current apartment was going to feel a lot smaller with more things taking up space, but if he did end up moving apartments, he was going to have a lot more room in the place he was thinking of. It was another push to move somewhere that was better for him and the baby. 

Sungchan could agree that babies needed a lot of things, but he shook his head to himself, disapproving look morphing his features into a frown, "Three jobs is a bit overkill. I'll step in and get another job so it isn't all on you. That'll really help us out," he hadn't known Shotaro had picked up a second job, but he chose not to fixate on it. In the end, it would be four jobs between the two of them and Sungchan was okay with that. If they so needed it, Sungchan would be the one to get a third job, not Shotaro. Especially not now with what he was going through.

Help us out? Shotaro felt his heart skip with hope, but he shook his head tiredly, "You don't have to do that.”

"Why? Why wouldn't I pick up a second job?" it was a valid question because they would need the money and it only made sense for them both to have multiple jobs. They had never discussed it before, but Sungchan was already making decent money and he was sure Shotaro was as well. They were well off but the older was right. They would need more money if they wanted to afford what was necessary, "We have to pay for the baby somehow, and the more collective income we have the better off we'll be."

”We?" Shotaro accidentally asked out loud. He hadn't expected Sungchan to care as much as he did, nor did he expect him to really consider doing anything for the baby. It wasn't based on what he already knew about his character, because he knew how sweet and caring Sungchan was, but rather the want to be a father at this time. Everything felt not permanent with their lack of a relationship and their short time of knowing each other, and Sungchan saying he'll help with baby expenses surely won't last forever. It was a lot to deal with and incredibly stressful, and not to mention expensive. Shotaro didn't want to be a mother right now, and he had no choice, not with the one he'd already made. He felt it was right for him, but it was still so damn hard. Sungchan was not going to want it to remain 'we' and 'us' once the baby was actually here. Shotaro wanted him to have that choice to walk out or stay because Shotaro didn’t want Sungchan to have regrets.

Sungchan chuckled worriedly, not sure why Shotaro was so shaky when saying it. He thought it was obvious, "Yes, we. Us. This is our baby, and I want to help out the most I can." 

"I don't think you'll want to after time," Shotaro corrected, straightening himself up on the couch, bouncing his leg vigorously with the waves of his anxiety, "This is all new to you now and there's the adrenaline rush and excitement now, but you'll soon realize it's going to be difficult and then you won't want to stick around," Sungchan looked broken at Shotaro's implications, but the older continued because he needed Sungchan to consider his future, "We're both so young, and you're even younger than me. Who wants to be a dad at 23?" Sungchan had just had a birthday the month before, and Shotaro felt endlessly guilty for missing it and simultaneously felt guilty for making him a father so young. This wasn't supposed to happen for another few years, maybe even a decade. Being a parent had not been on either of their radars and if either had to guess, they would be in their early thirties before becoming parents.

Shotaro watched as Sungchan animatedly shrugged, pep in his movement and a sweet smile on his face, "I don't know. It could be fun being a dad.”

Shotaro wanted to roll his eyes because that was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard, "That's not what people your age say. And it hasn't been fun so far," Shotaro was having a very hard time, but he didn't want to get into it right then. While he no longer woke up feeling ill and could hold down his food, his sides cramped constantly, his feet were swollen twice their size at the end of the day, he had day-long headaches most days, and he was utterly exhausted, and it was all a mess of pregnancy hormones and Shotaro was sick of it already. None of it was very fun. 

”Oh, but it doesn't have to be fun because I really want to do it. I especially want to be a dad with you by my side," Sungchan smiled, and oh how Shotaro had missed that smile. It brought butterflies to his stomach and mixed with the anxious nausea that was already sitting heavy in his gut. Sungchan huffed and dropped his head, growing shy at his claim but trying his best to gain more courage to continue speaking. He had things he wanted to say, "I don't think you realize how much I like you, Shotaro hyung.”

It was Shotaro's turn to act shocked, not expecting a confession at this time. It was a relief after speculating many times whether or not his friend had feelings for him. Shotaro had thought about it in-depth before, after evenings spent with Sungchan where he felt something stronger than a mutual interest in the younger, something that he would describe as 'puppy love', but he could only ever hope Sungchan felt the same way. He had always brushed it off as wishful thinking, but to now have an answer and confirmation to his thoughts was quite amazing. Shotaro felt his stomach flip and let an unconscious smile shape his lips, "Why haven't you told me anything like that before?"

Sungchan shrugged sheepishly, twiddling his thumbs in his palms and letting his nails scratch at his skin, "I didn't think it was something you wanted to hear. And I think I was afraid it would push you away," thinking back on it during long and sleepless nights with Shotaro gone, Sungchan could pinpoint what he had been feeling before and it all made sense. He obviously had feelings for Shotaro, and the hesitation and the suppression was so he could keep Shotaro to himself without the risk of losing him. It didn't make sense now, but it did at the time, "And when you started to distance yourself it was something I wished several times I had told you before. That I really like you.”

Shotaro felt endlessly guilty about everything he had done to keep Sungchan away. He had thought he was doing what was best for Sungchan but evidently, he had greatly errored, "I never meant to push you away," he swallowed, clenching his jaw tight and hurting his teeth in the process, "I just didn't want to burden you and I wanted to protect you from what was coming," Shotaro could feel the way his eyes were starting to tear up, yet another thing he was losing control of. He was an emotional mess on good days and it was frustrating, only making him want to cry more, "And I'm really, very sorry for doing that to you."

"Don't be," Sungchan insisted, hurriedly removing himself off the footrest in favor of kneeling right in front of Shotaro. It made Shotaro squirm, not really wanting Sungchan to see him cry, but it was nice to have him so close again. Sungchan placed a gentle hand on Shotaro's knee and gave it a light and comforting squeeze, "It's understandable, but you'd think after all the time we've spent together, you would realize I'm not the type of person to drop those I really care about, and that I genuinely care about and enjoy being with you," Sungchan chuckled to himself, nervous but so airy and light. Shotaro mirrored his action, feeling silly at how he had been acting. 

"I didn't want to get my hopes up in case you didn't feel that way," because Shotaro reminded himself that he always saw the good side of Sungchan, never the bad, and he could never know how Sungchan would react, "But now that I know how you feel, I want to tell you that..." he paused, swallowing the rock lodged in his throat, "I really like you too, Sungchannie," Shotaro let himself smile freely after wiping the few tears that managed to flood, blush painting his cheeks a radiant and bashful crimson. Shotaro glanced at the hand that sat on his knee and he grew brave, might as well after what he said, and reached out to hold Sungchan's hand tightly. They hadn't done this before, and the two of them now holding hands was sweet and it made their hearts flutter. 

"And here we are. Having a baby," Sungchan laughed, smile on full show and speaking volumes, "That's a little crazy."

"It is," Shotaro agreed, very aware of the tiny baby that was snuggled safely in his lower belly. They were both on the same page and Shotaro was immensely relieved after all the agonizing he had done, "And you're sure you want to be a father?" he just had to make sure before they moved forward, for his sanity and his sake. He didn’t want to blindly follow along if it was going to end in heartbreak. 

Sungchan let a genuine laugh fill the room, shining bright and making Shotaro feel better, "This wasn't a part of my plan sure, but now that it's happening, I'm actually really excited," he chirped, moving to sit on the couch next to Shotaro, keeping the older's hand tight in his clutch so they didn't break contact, "And now that we both know how we feel about each other, I don't think there will be a problem with us parenting together," his smile was so charming, confident and beautiful. Shotaro had no doubt now because the truth was sitting right in front of him. Pretty and unwavering. 

"This feels like a sappy drama," Shotaro laughed, his free hand moving to hold Sungchan's free hand. The younger understood and grabbed the invite, hands so warm and comforting on Shotaro's palms. This was nice and it made Shotaro infinitely better, "With the cheesy plots and cringey characters,” Shotaro had watched a few because they were such a guilty pleasure of his. He had taken more of a watching to Korean dramas when he had time to help him with his Korean since he had been avoiding Sungchan. He was learning so much from tv now. 

"That's not a bad thing. I mean, we already liked each other before, it just took a baby to actually get us to fess up," Sungchan clarified, cheeks starting to hurt from all the smiling he was doing. Their recent history was already enough for them to come together romantically. It didn’t have to take a crying fit and screaming for them to get there, “But speaking of the baby," he had to change the subject because he was curious, "Have you had a scan yet? And do you have a next appointment set up?" Sungchan didn't know much about pregnancy, but he did know that those were things that happened. And if they happened he wanted to know about it. 

Shotaro felt dread in his stomach again, and the rollercoaster of emotions he was feeling was almost too much to handle. Happiness was replaced by embarrassment and red cheeks, grasp on Sungchan’s hands loosening, "I haven't gone to see one yet, and I was supposed to a long time ago," Shotaro gauged Sungchan's expression, feeling irresponsible and shame. He could detect confusion, but there wasn't much else. Sungchan didn't know any better, so he couldn't say anything, “But I chickened out. I took a test two months ago that was positive, and that's all the proof I have along with all the symptoms," he paused, watching as Sungchan nodded with pursed lips. His eyes were focused on the arm rest Shotaro was now propped against, "All of that and my baby bump."

Sungchan suddenly perked up, eyes wide with excitement and a small smile on his lips. Shotaro noted how kissable they looked at that moment and he had to mentally tell himself to calm down, "Baby bump?"

"Well... yes," Shotaro nodded slowly, growing shy and bashful. He hadn't told anyone he was showing yet, not even Yuta. It wasn’t something he typically brought up with people. 

"Can I see?" Sungchan asked, seemingly excited. Shotaro could pick up on the tiny and exuberant shake of the younger's hands in his and it was cute, but Shotaro was a little less than excited. 

Wordlessly, Shotaro nodded with a sigh and released Sungchan's hands before he slowly lifted himself from the couch, groaning at moving from his comfortable spot. He was so physically tired that moving was painful but he had to commit in order to show Sungchan how their baby was growing. Once done with that, Shotaro was going to sit down again and not move until he absolutely had to. He was too tired to do all of this moving around. 

Shotaro was always so thin and toned from all the dancing he had done for most of his life, and to have a developing belly was completely bizarre. He didn't exactly hate it, he just didn't quite like it, and he would rather not show it off if he didn't have to. It was very different and he was reminded how different it was as he removed his hoodie and lifted his shirt up to his chest so Sungchan could see his stomach. There was a slight bump curving out his lower belly and softening his waist, making him look fuller, but not in the way gaining weight made you look. To both Shotaro and Sungchan, he clearly looked pregnant, and Sungchan was completely and utterly mesmerized by the new change. He knew Shotaro’s body so well, inside and out, and this was so new and unfamiliar, but it was nice and almost adorable. Sungchan needed a closer look and he crawled nearer to Shotaro until he was a few inches away, eyes solely focused on the bump that was rounding out Shotaro’s tummy. He wanted so badly to reach a hand out and feel it, but looking at it was also nice. And he didn’t want to overwhelm Shotaro. He was tired and uncomfortable and Sungchan didn’t want to force that on him. 

Seeing the look in Sungchan’s eyes and gauging his proximity, Shotaro grew embarrassed. He wasn’t used to the change even though it had been there for weeks and had watched it steadily grown rounder. It was weird and he didn’t like to show it. But he had to say it was amazing because it was further proof that there was someone inside there. And to have someone stare at his bump so lovingly was also something that made Shotaro feel better about the change. It couldn’t be so bad if Sungchan was looking at him like that could it?

Sungchan continued to stare and he would probably have done it all night had Shotaro not let his shirt settle back against his body so he could sit down again. Shotaro gingerly lowered himself again, sighing contentedly as he settled into the softness of the cushion and feeling Sungchan’s knee brush his thigh. Shotaro’s hand rested right on the crest of his bump, feeling the swell against his palm. He couldn’t deny he felt proud of his baby’s accomplishments. Who wouldn’t be?

Now that there was nothing more to look at, Sungchan had returned back to earth and there was something pressing his thoughts. If Shotaro had been unsuccessful before, maybe he could give it a shot with plenty of moral support, “Should we schedule an appointment then? And we go together?” Sungchan rested a hand on Shotaro’s thigh, warm and comforting. 

There was that ‘we’ again, “You really want to go?” Shotaro asked, happy and hopeful smile on his lips. With all of the support Sungchan had shown already, Shotaro had been expecting it. But his insecurities made it hard to believe the first time hearing it, and he wanted to make sure. He wanted a guarantee Sungchan wanted to go. 

“Of course I do. I wouldn't want to miss that for the world,” Sungchan assured with confidence, brushing up and down Shotaro’s thigh lovingly, “Although, you really should have gone a long time ago. Just to make sure everything was perfect with our baby.”

“I should have,” Shotaro agreed, smiling unconsciously at how proud Sungchan was to call the baby ‘our’s with his whole chest, “I don’t even know how far along I am. I’ve been guessing the whole time but I don’t know how accurate all my guessing has been,” he admitted. Shotaro was deeply worried that any doctor he could see would be extremely unhappy with him for leaving it so long and he didn’t want to receive so many negative comments. He would start crying about it, he was sure, “The doctors will have a lot to say to me, but you know who is going to have a lot more to say? Yuta hyung. He’ll be livid once he finds out I haven’t seen someone.”

“Yuta hyung knows?” Sungchan asked as his hand stopped moving, disappointed frown marring his previously bright features, smile disappearing and no where to be found. He would have preferred he was the first one to know since it was his baby after all. Yuta shouldn’t have been the first to know in a perfect world. 

Shotaro cleared his throat and let his small smile turn into a sad frown, feeling guilty again, “He knew before I had even considered it. His boyfriend went through the same things when he was pregnant with their son and it was just not something I could avoid. There was no stopping him from finding out,” thinking back on it, Shotaro should have known after the first week of feeling sick, “Had I not been so fearful and worried, you probably would have been the first one I told,” he offered an apologetic smile, and it appeared to work with Sungchan. He couldn’t stay mad at him, “And then we wouldn’t be in this mess and you wouldn’t have had to find out like this.” 

“I won’t hold it against you,” Sungchan smiled with a shake of his head, “I’m just happy I know now and that you didn’t keep it a secret from me for forever,” that had been Shotaro’s plan anyway, and it was a relief to no longer let it control his life, “You should probably tell Yuta hyung that you need time off so we can go to an appointment next week,” now that he knew, Sungchan wasn’t going to let Shotaro miss out on opportunities to see a doctor. And Shotaro felt he couldn’t push it off much longer either, “And I guess your other job,” Sungchan understood it was for money purposes and to afford more necessities, but the idea made him upset. He didn’t want Shotaro to work so hard at two different jobs. 

“I’ll tell them after I call, but I’ll tell Yuta hyung on Monday,” Shotaro assured, sounding like a promise. Monday was three days away. Tomorrow Shotaro would call the clinic to get another appointment and then mentally prepare himself to tell his boss and his close friend who would not react well. He had to take baby steps. 

To Sungchan it felt like too long but he wasn’t going to push it. He understood Shotaro was going through a lot with two jobs and pregnancy, so he wasn’t going to make comments. He was going to let Shotaro do what he needed to do at the time he needed to do it, “Do you need me there for support?” Sungchan scooted closer to Shotaro on the couch until he was inches from the older. His warmth was so familiar and so safe, even if he wasn’t actually touching him. It was amazing.

“I think I can handle it,” he most certainly could not handle something like admitting a lie to Yuta, but he had to try at least, “He’ll be mad, but I don’t think he’ll do anything worse,” like kill him. That wouldn’t happen, right? 

“If you’re sure,” Sungchan nodded, still sounding skeptical. Shotaro didn’t seem too confident in his statement but Sungchan wasn’t going to push it. He would let it happen how Shotaro wanted it to, “I hope it goes well,” Sungchan’s hand found its way back to Shotaro’s and their finger intertwined. Shotaro gripped tight and strong on his fingers, letting Sungchan know exactly how he felt about telling Yuta the truth. It was intimidating, but he knew Shotaro could do it. He had to anyway, “You’re going to be fine.”

———-

Even after Sungchan's confident manifestation of Shotaro being completely fine, Shotaro wasn't so sure it would go very well. His stomach was rolling and he could barely take a step forward without wanting to collapse on the ground in despair and agony. It was Monday morning and he had an OBGYN appointment the next day, which was terribly short notice, and Shotaro would have to tell Yuta so he could find someone to cover him while he was gone. He really didn’t want to tell Yuta, after all the fake appointments he had told the older about, this one was finally real after so long. He thought about telling Yuta he was having just another routine appointment and then not admit he hadn't gone at all, but that would be yet another lie that he didn't want to tell. Shotaro had to come clean and tell the truth to prevent any more potential and unneeded drama. Yuta wasn’t going to be happy with the news and Shotaro still was not prepared for it, even if it had taken him three days to arrange himself and his thoughts. This was a lot for his system and it was nerve-wracking, and he wished Sungchan was there with him. He would be such a huge support and a lot of help and he just wished he could tag along. 

Shotaro had been standing in front of the building for far too long and he was sure people were starting to notice, so he inhaled deeply before stepping through the studio doors, noting the familiar decor and how welcoming the place was. He glanced around the lobby to see who was already there, catching glances at students who had already arrived and were meeting their friends, noticing an instructor he wasn't familiar with talking to another instructor with coffees in their hands. Yuta wasn't standing at the entrance like he usually did to greet all his students, and there was only one other place he could be in the morning. His designated practice room was Yuta's happy place and it was a short walk away, and Shotaro knew he was there if he wasn't at the entrance. Shotaro sighed as he headed towards that room with stammering steps and hesitated once he reached the door, solid wood preventing him from catching a glance inside. Shotaro could so easily walk away and pretend nothing was going on but that was not what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to take responsibility and stop this charade he'd built up between him and his friend. Shotaro held his breath in his chest and entered slowly, peeking around the entrance and there was Yuta, and to Shotaro's surprise, Yuta’s son was with him as well. 

It wasn’t often that Renjun was physically in the studio, but it sure felt like he was there all the time with all the pictures Yuta had of him plastered on the walls of his office and in his practice room. Pictures from every stage of his life from birth until now, and Shotaro had seen every single one. He was nearly a year old, simply adorable, and looked just like Sicheng. Almost his exact copy, if Renjun didn't have Yuta's nose. For the past few months, since Shotaro had first met Yuta six months ago, he heard about every milestone Renjun accomplished. The latest one he was working on was walking. Renjun was a very laid back baby, but he was very stubborn when it came to walking. He was very content with standing unassisted and walk with support but taking his own steps without help was not something he was interested in. Yuta and Sicheng were trying their hardest but it just wasn't working, and they had come to the conclusion that they were going to let Renjun go at his own pace. It was the best way to go about it. 

Seeing Yuta stand there, lovingly and proudly watching Renjun, made Shotaro think. The little boy was standing against a speaker playing soft music for support, giggling up at Yuta as the adult cooed at him with such adoration and Shotaro wanted to be like that. Yuta was still a new father, only being one for less than a year, and he was so good at it and had a talent for being such a caring person and it was admirable. Shotaro smiled and wondered if he would be a good mother, and how much he hoped to be a good parent just like Yuta was. The thought made him smile, but he didn't ponder long because he had to talk to Yuta and he was prolonging the inevitable. Shotaro was immensely nervous once again at the thought of bearing his truth so he could be scrutinized and scolded, and forced himself to let it be. He swallowed thickly and walked further into the room, closing the door behind him so the three of them could have some privacy. 

For the first time since the door had been opened, Yuta tore his eyes away from Renjun to identify who had walked in and was delighted to see Shotaro, smile still bright on his face, "Good morning, Taro!" he greeted, letting his gaze last for only a few seconds before returning to stare at Renjun. The baby had tried to turn over his shoulder to see who had walked in but in doing so almost lost his balance. Renjun was quick to give up on his attempt at movement and instead smacked his hands against the top of the speaker with a loud and excited squeal, head shaking. It was too cute to handle and it momentarily made Shotaro forget his worries in favor of adoring Renjun. 

"Good morning, Yuta senpai," Shotaro bowed as he closed in on the older. He could feel his breakfast threatening to come back up as he closed the distance, but he managed to keep it down even as he was right at Yuta's side. It took a lot of willpower to control his body from expelling all its worries, literally and figuratively. 

"I assume you and baby are doing well today," Yuta guessed, ending his sentence with a very high-pitched greeting directed towards Renjun. An animated 'hi' and nearly aggressive smile, ones that are reserved for getting a reaction from a baby. It did the trick because Renjun giggled and shook his head in response, hands balling into fists excitedly. Renjun sure loved his dad and it made Shotaro want to squish his cheeks so gently. 

"As well as we can be this morning," it was awkward and clumsy, but then again, this whole situation was awkward and Shotaro was nearly gagging at how specific and excruciating it was. Shotaro needed to talk to Yuta about the baby and the appointment he actually had scheduled, "About that, can I talk to you for a second?" 

"Hold on," Yuta interjected, stopping Shotaro with a quick hand tapping his chest followed by a polite point with his whole hand, "Watch, Renjunnie. His favorite song is about to start," Yuta knew the playlist he'd built for his son by heart and Renjun's very specific and very favorite song was about to start playing. Sure enough, the familiar beat was building to a fun and entertaining song that Renjun loved listening to. Renjun could feel the vibrations from the speaker through his hands and it was even more encouragement to start dancing. The smile on his face was wide and bright, mostly gummy with his four proud teeth making the emotion. Renjun started to wiggle his body from side to side, rocking against the speaker as he diligently followed the beat. It wasn't a big show, but it was adorable none the less. 

"He's a natural at dancing," Yuta claimed, smile still wide and proud, nose scrunching unintentionally, "As soon as he's able I'm signing him up for classes. All kinds of dance genres, everything you can think of. If he doesn't enjoy it then he can drop out, but he'll probably love it all," and he most likely would with Yuta as his father, "He'll be a star," and Shotaro could agree. He hoped his baby would have a talent for dancing so he too could sign them up for dance classes. 

Their voices were gaining Renjun's attention and he was suddenly very aware of Shotaro in the room, turning over his shoulder more than he had before so he could face the second adult. Shotaro felt his heart melt and had to praise the baby on his ability to dance, "You're doing an amazing job, Renjunnie," he spoke in Japanese, knowing Yuta was teaching him as much Japanese as he could. He would grow up with Korean as his first language, but he was going to have a grasp of Japanese and Mandarin as well with how Yuta and Sicheng spoke to him. Shotaro wanted to do the same with his baby, and that was a good incentive to study Korean harder. He would be teaching his baby everything he could, but he knew he would have Sungchan there at his side and helping him along the way. Shotaro would be deeply lost without Sungchan's help and he was so thankful for him. 

Renjun giggled with a big smile and removed himself from the speaker, plopping to the ground on his bum before turning again and crawling towards Shotaro as fast as he could, which was indeed very fast. Renjun crawled right up to Shotaro's feet and he didn't have to wait long before the man was picking him up and balancing the baby against his chest with a hand on the flat of his back to keep him close and steady. Shotaro was one of the few people who Renjun would let hold him and it was such an honor, "Good boy," Shotaro praised with a few bounces, watching as Renjun giggled and shook his fists at him. It was all too much for Shotaro's heart to handle and he thought he might explode. 

"He'll go to anyone," Yuta lied through his teeth, attempting to tease his friend, "No loyalty that kid. He just loves being held."

Shotaro frowned deeply, feeling the way his forehead was straining with all the muscles he was using, "No, Renjun actually likes me," he tried to save his claim by bringing Renjun into a hug but Renjun was not the 'cuddling baby' type. As Shotaro tried to bring him closer for a simple hug, Renjun whined and stiffened his back so he couldn't be brought in close. Hugs meant Renjun's view was obstructed and he liked his head up where he could see everything around him. Hugs prevented him from doing that, so he hated most kinds of physical connections that were in any way similar. The only person he even remotely let do that was Sicheng, and that was when he was tired and ready for bed, which he fought every night and nap time. 

Shotaro was very good with Renjun. He was good with kids in general and it was something that was definitely going to come in handy once his baby arrives. It was going to help tremendously. He just understood small children and he always gravitated towards them when they were around. It was another reason he chose to become a dance instructor. He worked with a lot of teenagers now at the academy, but there had been days when he was a younger instructor back in Japan where he had taught classes for ten year olds and younger. He had started dancing when he was five, and recognizing that passion for dance within small children always made him giddy and happy. He hoped to one day return to teaching small children, but for now, he was content to teach teenagers until he auditioned for an entertainment company. That would be in another few years, but he was telling himself that it wouldn't be a long wait. He would have a baby to think about. 

And Shotaro was frowning again because he was stalling too much, even though he had a good reason for distractions. He needed to tell Yuta, "Senpai, this is really last minute and I'm really sorry about it, but I need to ask for some time off tomorrow so I can go to my first OBGYN appointment," Shotaro felt brave saying it out loud and telling Yuta it was his first, and he prayed to God Yuta wouldn't raise his voice at him. He would start bawling his eyes out the moment it happens because his emotions were very fragile and he 100% blamed it on the baby. He was allowed to do that. 

Yuta's smile was now gone, replaced with a suspiciously and scarily neutral expression, eyes blank and staring right into Shotaro's soul. Shotaro couldn't read it all that well and he deeply wished he could decipher it. It would be easier if he could read Yuta and see what he was feeling, "You mean your third?" it sounded inquisitive and curious, but it simultaneously sounded knowing, as if Yuta already knew the facts and answers. That was unsettling to Shotaro, but there was no way he could know... right? 

"No... my first," Shotaro wanted to break down and cry full-blown tears. Watching Yuta not give him any indicator of how he was feeling was worse than receiving the blunt end of his reprimand. Shotaro was starting to squirm in place and fidget and Renjun could pick up on the weird aura now drifting between the two adults, looking back and forth between his father and Shotaro. Shotaro, even in his mental distress, did not want to upset Renjun and moved to rub his back comfortingly, giving it a few loving pats, "It'll be my first appointment with an OBGYN. Anyone actually. I haven't seen anyone until now," he could feel his jaw starting to shake and now that he was thinking about it, his place of work was not the place to be doing this but it was too late now. It was all out on the floor and waiting to be picked up. Shotaro was starting to feel ill. 

Yuta sighed and dropped his head so he could look at the ground, hands perched on his hips in deep thought and obvious disappointment. Shotaro swallowed and nearly choked on air, the anticipation killing him, "What happened?" he started with a cocked brow, "You told me you were going to see someone, but then you obviously didn't. Did you just take a day off?" it was a good question, and it was one he had wanted answered for months, since Shotaro had lied the first time. He had been waiting for this moment and Yuta had thought of playing his reaction up and stirring a scene about the truth but he knew Shotaro was going through a lot already. He wanted him to feel guilty, but that was not what a good friend did. Yuta was just going to talk to him and figure this mess out. 

Shotaro kicked and shuffled his feet, lifting Renjun higher onto his chest so he was more stable. He was wiggling a bit too much for Shotaro's liking and it was getting difficult to hold him for so long in such a tense situation, "I missed the bus that was taking me to the clinic," he answered truthfully and sheepishly, "And if I waited for the next I would be too late. And I was too anxious and having a mental breakdown and went back home to try and calm down," he had been so exhausted emotionally that once he was back home he crashed onto his bed and didn't wake up until the next morning. It had been an impressive feat if Shotaro had to say so himself, "But it didn't help me out any." 

Yuta rolled his eyes so hard he almost strained himself. Shotaro had given a good list of excuses, plausible too, but it wasn't enough to not reschedule and skip out on other opportunities, "At least you tried, but you should have tried harder to get another appointment. One missed appointment doesn't mean you have to miss the rest. Appointments now are the most vital and you've missed some of the most important milestones," knowing there was no fact about how far along Shotaro was, Yuta would have to guess he was in his late first or early second trimester. Knowing how far along you were was the most important detail of your whole pregnancy journey and Shotaro didn't even know that, "You should have told me and I could have helped you," and he would have loved to do so. 

Shotaro nodded defeatedly, thankful that Yuta wasn't as angry as he thought he would be and was instead showing support for him and his lack of taking control. It was much better than what Shotaro had pictured before and he was endlessly happy with the outcome, "I'm really, truly sorry for lying and breaking your trust," if there was not a baby currently in his arms, Shotaro would have kneeled on the ground and begged forgiveness in the most respectful way possible, "I just didn't know how to bring it up and I didn't want to disappoint you." 

Yuta smiled and shook his head as he laughed, finding his friend all too innocent, "I knew you were lying from the first time you told me you went to the clinic," Yuta admitted with another airy laugh as he stepped right up to Shotaro, taking his son from his arms so the younger could relax better, "You know, there's no such thing as gestational blindness. Nor is there any reason for a doctor to check your ears. That's not something they normally do during prenatal exams." 

The gestational blindness and ear exams had evaded Shotaro's thoughts completely and he felt stupid because surely if he had looked it up he would know it was all a lie. But alas, he had forgotten among the billions of other things he was so worried about. The shock that overtook his system at having been found out so soon into his lying game made him flush red in embarrassment and he started to wring his hands now that they were free and Renjun wasn't occupying his arms. He had been caught red-handed, "If you knew, why didn't you say anything before?" 

"I was waiting for you to tell me the truth," Yuta shrugged with a nod, bouncing Renjun in his arms and watching as the little boy giggled and tried to grab his face. Renjun always liked to grab for the nose of anyone who held him, "Admittedly, it went on longer than I thought it would, but I was still waiting for you because I knew you would tell me eventually. And I imagined you would tell me once you had a real appointment lined up that you were definitely going to."

Shotaro chuckled and shook his head at himself. Paint him impressed, "You're smart."

"You can't lie to Nakamoto Yuta. It's just not possible," he smiled smugly, rolling his eyes at Shotaro's foolishness. It was such a relief to have everything out in the open and he was glad he didn't have to play clueless anymore, "But now that we've got the truth out there and we've admitted our faults, I am driving you to the clinic so I know that you're going,"

A car ride to the clinic didn't sound too bad to Shotaro. He wouldn't have to take a bus and it would be a much faster ride to and from, "But what will you do about your classes tomorrow? My appointment is at 11 am and you have three classes back to back," there were some pretty conflicting schedules and it just wouldn't be responsible to do that. 

"I'll tell Taeyong to cover my classes. I showed him the choreography for fun and he has it all memorized after watching it three times," Yuta did teach an advanced hip hop class and Taeyong was nothing but an expert in hip hop and freestyle. If Taeyong was teaching then the two of them would be completely fine, "And for your classes we can have Seulgi step in. She knows your routines as well," as it so happened, everyone was friends with everyone in the dance academy and they often knew each other's routines. It was a blessing in disguise, "And when she can't cover your last class since she has one at the same time, we can have Jeno hop in," Jeno was brand new and had only just joined for the fall semester. Shotaro didn't know him very well, but from what he could see he was kind and had a very friendly smile, "I think he knows most of the routines, so we'll see how he does." 

Again, Shotaro was impressed with Yuta and his knowledge of his employees. He knew everything, and Shotaro should have known that when he first started lying to him. He should have known he wasn't going to be successful in deceit, "Okay. And for the appointment, Sungchan is going with us," he felt brave bringing that up as well. It felt like a huge step for him and with the first truth coming out he might as well ring in the details. Yuta would need to do. 

Among his confident stature, Yuta's eyebrows shot up in surprise and his shoulders relaxed, Renjun leaning against him in a more comfortable way than he was before. It was the good kind of surprise he was feeling, but he was surprised none the less. It was a very nice change from Shotaro and to think he had told Sungchan without Yuta prompting him to was pretty amazing. He had at the beginning, but he left the ball in Shotaro's court and luckily he had taken the shot, "Oh? You told him?"

"I did, and he took it really well," Shotaro smiled, heart picking up the pace as he thought about it. He couldn't have asked for a better reaction, "And he's excited about the baby, so, you'll need to pick him up too so we can go together," and so he could see the baby as well. Their baby. It didn't sit quite right yet with all of the anxiety swirling in his system but hopefully it would soon. Shotaro just had to get comfortable with everything first. 

Yuta happily smiled back, elated that the two of them had worked it out on their own. This was the best news he could ever receive and it meant things were going to be okay because had met Sungchan before. Yuta could see his kindness and his heart full of love and that would translate amazingly through his ability to be a father and a partner for Shotaro. Yuta had all the faith in the world for the two of them, "I'm happy you told him, that's a great start," it had taken a while but it was something, "I can fit him in the car too; not a problem at all."

"Perfect," Shotaro sheepishly chuckled, shuffling his feet again. It was a weird past few minutes, and he went through a rollercoaster of emotions and mental anguish but it was all settled and okay now because even if he was afraid to disappoint Yuta, he was happy he was so supportive and understanding. Yuta knew the truth now and was willing to help, Sungchan knew about the baby and was excited, and Shotaro had an appointment he was actually going to this time. It was all falling into place and he was starting to feel better about everything. Thank God Yuta was such a great person, "Thank you, senpai."

-------

Shotaro was horribly nervous. The car ride to the prenatal clinic was fine; Yuta talked up a storm with Sungchan, asking him all kinds of questions about himself and what he was like, his interests and hobbies, even how he handled his finances. It felt more like an interrogation than an interest in his character but it had Shotaro smiling to himself. Yuta obviously cared and wanted to know Sungchan better since he was going to stick around, but he was so blunt and straightforward that it intimidated Sungchan. It even intimidated Shotaro but despite the trouble, it had ended well and Yuta was satisfied with everything Sungchan had to say, and it looked like Sungchan had enjoyed himself too past all of his anxiety. There was an air of understanding between all three of them and they had fallen into an odd but comforting tempo. It felt like they were close friends. 

But again, Shotaro was extremely anxious and it was hard to let his guard down so easily. He didn't need to worry about his appointment, but he was doing so anyway because he realized how stupid he had been before. He should have gone to that first appointment and he should have made sure everything was okay with the baby because that was the right thing to do. He should have acted so much sooner, but he couldn't hold it over his own head now. He was rectifying the situation and that's what mattered, as Yuta had told him many times already. He had an amazing support system with him now who was going to help them through everything, and it gave him hope. That's what he needed most. 

Check in has been simple and easy, nothing dramatic or interesting. It was when the three men were called back to a room that Shotaro felt ill again. He felt unprepared and like he wasn't ready for any of this again. He was ready to hear about his baby, hear that they were okay and all of the information they could gather on their well being, but part of him was afraid he was going to hear bad news and that something was wrong instead. That would be even more he wasn't prepared for and he hoped to God that wasn't in the cards for him. He would need Yuta for everything involving the appointment and it was discouraging to not be able to speak to your own doctor. Still, he had to swallow what little pride he had left and get this over with. 

The doctor was amused to find three men in the examination room as opposed to the typical two people and sometimes one they were familiar with. When their eyes had grown wide with surprise, Yuta had needed to laugh at their reaction and quickly explain he was there for translation purposes and that Sungchan was the father. Shotaro needed him there to help understand technical terms because his Korean, even though improved, did not include many words pertaining to pregnancy or medicine. Yuta knew those words very well after learning everything when Sicheng was pregnant. Attending the appointment now though, he was feeling a sense of deja vu, and it was wonderfully nostalgic. He didn't mind it at all, and he fondly recalled every ultrasound and appointment he went to when he and Sicheng were pregnant with Renjun. He was quite happy to be there oddly enough, and he was sure everyone could see it. 

Shotaro was so thankful Yuta was there because when it came to even the simple things, like weight, blood pressure, and listing his symptoms, most of the Korean flew right over Shotaro's head. He had felt lost, but Yuta was there to help and translate into Japanese. With each word translated back to him, Shotaro was gaining more confidence and learning at the same time. It wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be, but he was still so nervous. He himself was doing well physically, much to the doctor's joy, and when all of that was noted for Shotaro's records, it was time for an ultrasound. The doctor didn't have much of an idea of how far along Shotaro was since he was so small still, but they were hoping to get a good estimate through the ultrasound with the ultrasound technician, and this was what they were all looking forward to. 

Sungchan was looking forward to this the most. He had been relatively quiet other than Yuta drilling him for answers. He was usually reserved anyway, much more content to listen and observe than talk and take the attention. He preferred staying on the sidelines and out of the way, but this was his baby and he was immensely excited and there were so many things he wanted to say. A smile took over his face and he turned to the doctor to ask very excitedly, "Are we really about to see the baby?" his hands were nearly shaking in excitement. He almost couldn't believe this was happening. 

"We are, and hopefully we can get all the information we need about Baby and check how they're doing," the technician hoped as they readied their equipment. Sungchan's smile was so wide, teeth shining in a grin that bared his whole heart to the room. He was going to see his baby four days after finding out about them. He was all giddy and trying to contain himself the best he could but it was incredibly difficult. 

The technician grabbed the tube of gel that was going to sit right on Shotaro's skin, turning to their patient animatedly, "Can you lift your shirt for me, Shotaro ssi?" they requested with a wide smile. It was friendly and kind, and it made Shotaro feel welcome in this unfamiliar room with less than fortunate circumstances. He was just waiting for the ultrasound so he could see the baby he had been worrying about for months. 

Shotaro had nodded and bit his lip nervously at the request, then gingerly rolled his shirt up to his chest to reveal his lower belly that was still rounded out even when he was laying down. Shotaro felt shy and glanced at everyone in the room to catch their reactions. He caught the way Yuta's eyes widened at the new shape and didn't miss the blissful smile that took over Sungchan's lips, adoration in his eyes at the sight of their growing baby. He still found it so amazing and that was such a relief to Shotaro. It was further assurance that Sungchan meant what he had said before in Shotaro's apartment. Sungchan was ready to be a father with Shotaro even if neither had been preparing for it. He felt infinitely better in the moment and felt secure for once. 

Now bare, the technician applied the room temperature gel to his soft skin where it sat nicely until they spread it around with the transducer probe. The monitor that sat in front of the technician lit up with varying shades of gray and black that moved as the probe glided across Shotaro's bump and everyone was completely mesmerized, watching as the colors shifted. They all remained in silent shock as the technician worked until they found the very obvious shape of a baby, making sure the whole figure was showcased on the screen. From tiny feet to the top of its head, everything was on display. Shotaro and Sungchan simultaneously gasped and the technician smiled wide at their reactions. First-time parents were all the same, "There's your baby."

Yuta felt his chest fill with joy at the sight of the baby on the monitor. This was truly a beautiful and magical thing and he was lucky he was able to experience this with his close friend. Getting his fill of the scan, he side-eyed Shotaro and Sungchan, curious to see their reactions. The two men were close together, Sungchan sitting in the chair right next to the examination table where the technician was not occupying the space, sitting with his knees pressed right up against the support so he was as close to Shotaro as possible. Shotaro was smiling, eyes sparkling as he watched the movements on the screen, seemingly in his own world as he watched his baby. The two looked so comfortable next to each other and it was so sweet to see the healing and trust they still had between the two of them. They were going through something monumental for the first time together and they both appeared perfectly fine. Yuta also didn't miss the fact that Sungchan had slipped his hand into Shotaro's so their fingers were interlocked in a tight grip, Sungchan's thumb circling Shotaro's knuckle. It was terribly sweet and Yuta sighed contentedly to himself. He knew it would have turned out like this. They both just needed the push. 

The ultrasound technician pointed out all the baby's features, taking the time to trace the image so the new parents-to-be could all see them better. It had seemed so foreign before but now it was like they knew every little detail. Shotaro and Sungchan stared, memorizing every curve and line to the best of their abilities. It was such a marvel to ponder and it was difficult to look away, not wanting to take their eyes off their baby. The two were silent and to themselves, but both of them could feel their shared excitement through the way they were holding each other's hands. Sungchan was now using both of his hands to hold Shotaro's left, keeping him close and in place as they watched everything that was happening. Sungchan's hands were much larger than Shotaro's, so the older's single hand disappeared entirely beneath Sungchan's palms, and it was oddly comforting. Shotaro didn't want him to stop doing what he was doing any time soon. 

"Look!" Sungchan silently yelled as he pointed a finger at the screen excitedly. Shotaro could feel the way his hands were starting to shake, "Did you see that? The baby kicked their leg!" Shotaro had indeed seen the leg kick on the screen, but even more importantly, he felt it. A tiny little flutter in his lower belly that tickled and vibrated against his skin. It had been happening more frequently as of late and Shotaro swore that every kick felt stronger than the last. Watching it on the screen was even better than feeling it. He hummed in agreement before Sungchan was turning to Yuta and asking him if he had seen it as well. The pride in his voice was nearly chilling and it made Shotaro indescribably happy. 

After some time, and after plenty more pointing out parts of the baby, the technician had to deliver the good news, "Baby looks perfectly healthy," they smiled, enjoying this part of their job the most, "Absolutely perfect."

"They do?" Shotaro asked, squeezing Sungchan's hand harder in relief, "They're okay? Really okay?" 

"One of the healthiest babies I've ever seen," the technician claimed, happy to find yet another healthy baby. That wasn't always the case but it was plain to see that this baby was the picture of health, "They're doing amazing so far. They're a good size, and their heartbeat is nice and strong. See?" they asked as they use their finger to mark out the fluttering spot on the screen that was their baby's heart. Shotaro felt his own heart flutter in time with the baby's, "Would you like to hear it?"

Neither Shotaro nor Sungchan had even thought about hearing the heartbeat before, so given the option, they obviously had to, "Yes please," Sungchan answered with vigorous nods following, squeezing Shotaro's hand back. Yuta wanted to hear it just as badly but he was going to let the two parents make the decisions, "We'd like that," he felt Shotaro squeeze his hand again, agreeing physically. 

The technician smiled and didn't waste any more time as they turned the monitor's sound on, quickly filling the room with rhythmic whomps and flutters as the baby's heart beat beautifully. It was hypnotic and Shotaro swore he was starting to tear up at the sounds because that was his baby. They had a strong heartbeat, they were doing okay, they were healthy, and that's all he could ever ask for and all he had ever hoped for. The sound was ringing in his ears and he hoped it would never leave, he hoped it was a song he would sing for years to come. 

"I'm thinking I could estimate how far along you are, but it is a bit difficult to track when the baby is already so developed," the technician explained, peering at the screen more to gather the details of the baby's dimensions. Shotaro felt his cheeks warm red, embarrassment settling in his lower belly, "But I'll do my best to find out," Shotaro silently nodded, cursing himself for waiting so long. He would have a concrete answer had he gone earlier. He bit his lip, nerves getting back to him after the bliss of seeing his baby for the first time. 

The technician took a second to conclude their observations, measuring Baby and taking into account the full development they were already portraying, "I would say anywhere from 15-17 weeks, but we'll have your doctor take a look as well for a second opinion. That's a three week window so as you arrive closer to your due date, you and your doctor will have to closely monitor how you're doing and watch for signs of labor," Shotaro would really have to watch himself near the end. Labor and delivery was more like a wild card in his unique situation. 

"So if we're thinking about a date, what are we looking at?" Yuta asked, wanting desperately to know. He was growing impatient and hearing a date would satisfy him.

The technician laughed, liking Yuta's attitude. They had to do some quick math on the monitor in a different program with a calendar and came to a conclusion, "If I go off of 16 weeks, a good middle ground of my estimate, your due date would be February 22nd." 

February. That seemed so far yet so close and Shotaro could feel the way his stomach was flipping in worry and excitement. He would have a baby at the beginning of the year and it was so surreal. Shotaro turned his head to look at Sungchan, the younger doing the same with a comforting smile that could heal any pain. His worries disappeared looking at the younger man and he too started to smile, eyes sparkling happily, "We could have a baby by Valentines Day," Sungchan noted, a cute little shake of his head brightening his statement, "Or the lunar new year," Baby could come any time between the dates, before or after as well. It was overwhelming to think about what date the baby could actually arrive on. But it was exciting at the same time because they could plan all the things they could celebrate with their baby. 

"We could," saying we out loud didn't sound all too familiar to Shotaro yet. He didn't feel quite at that level yet, but hopefully, he would soon, and hopefully, it would continue to be we until the very end, "Can't wait." 

"I can also see the sex if either of you are interested in finding out," the technician spoke up, easily pinpointing what they needed on the screen with trained eyes. Parents' reactions to finding out the sex of their baby was always so entertaining. 

Hearing that option, it stumped the pair. He hated to admit it to himself, but Shotaro barely thought of the baby as a baby never mind a boy or a girl. He always saw it as a pregnancy and that baby would show up later. He'd been so focused on the expenses, the future, what he was going to do, and hiding it from his parents and Sungchan, that he hadn't actually considered there being a whole personality literally growing inside of him. He wasn't sure he even wanted to know, at least not now. And then there was Sungchan. He had just found out about the baby four days ago and while he was excited, it was all happening so fast. For both, finding out the sex seemed too sudden and they had to wrap their heads around this first before even considering taking that step.

"Do you want to know?" Shotaro quietly asked Sungchan, nearly under his breath, too nervous to speak up. 

Sungchan shrugged and spoke in a very calm and carefree tone, "I'll go with whatever you want," his smile was so reassuring and bright and it was such a life saver this entire visit to the clinic. It helped more than Shotaro thought it would and he found much more confidence in his being as he laid there on the table, "I don't mind."

Shotaro smiled appreciatively, turning back to the technician to give his answer after clearing his throat, "We're going to wait. We're just not quite ready," time was what they needed to help process everything. A lot had already happened for them and they needed space between events. Both Shotaro and Sungchan were perfectly okay with waiting for the right time to know.

But Yuta was not, "Are you sure you don't want to know now? I think knowing will really help you guys adjust to being parents soon," he stated, hoping what he was saying was enough to convince the pair to change their minds, "Makes it real, you know? I mean, don't you want to hear if it's a boy or a girl?" he desperately wanted to know the answer, even if it wasn't his baby, "If you're having a son or a daughter?" 

"Eventually," Shotaro laughed, shaking his head. He was completely unwavered, "We don't want to know yet," Sungchan nodded to his side, agreeing on his statement. Yuta rolled his eyes and huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. This was an exciting part of ultrasounds and yet they didn't want to know? It was purely ridiculous. Everything about the two together was ridiculous. 

The technician stepped in, "A lot of parents choose not to know until the birth. If it makes you feel better, the baby is healthy, we have an estimated due date, and Shotaro is doing amazing, and that's what matters most," they smiled and nodded, hoping to get Yuta to stop his pouting, "And as for you Shotaro ssi, we are done!" they indicated as they finally removed the probe and handed Shotaro some paper towels to clean himself off. 

"Thank you," it felt like Shotaro had just arrived and had been there for hours at the same time. He had wanted this to pass so swiftly before getting to the examination room but now he wanted a few more minutes looking at the baby. It was quite magical really, and while his mind was still confused, he could feel the way his heart had shifted into adoration and joy for this new life he was growing. It had been so rocky before but now he knew for sure how much he loved this baby. Seeing them today had him extremely happy and oddly enough to him, he was excited for the next visit. He couldn't wait to see his baby again. Sungchan felt the same way, and he wanted to keep watching the screen so he could see his baby move for him again. It was sad to end the moment but it just made him more excited for the next visit. 

The trio of men were shown the exit after Shotaro was handed printouts of their ultrasound for him to take home. Shotaro had them clutched tightly in his palms and even after just having looked at the baby on the ultrasound monitor, he had his eyes glued to the paper. He wanted to drink in every little detail and Sungchan was just the same. The two walked side by side all the way to the car, nearly tripping over each other's feet as they stared at the ultrasound scans together. Shotaro giggled most of the time and Sungchan was gasping excitedly and using his hand to point out all the little details he found most endearing. Watching them both from behind, it made Yuta extremely happy. Seeing the two get along so well and seeing them equally excited about this baby had his heart all warmed and fuzzy. Everything was going so well and he had no qualms about their future. None at all. They were going to make it. 

But past all the bliss of previous events, Yuta still had to set some ground rules for Shotaro and he had all the lectures ready for him when they were in the car, because he knew exactly what he was talking about. Yuta turned to Shotaro who sat in the passenger seat and adopted this look of seriousness and sternness that quickly established the direction he was headed, "Okay, I need to talk to you."

Shotaro looked surprised, brows furrowing deeply with a short chuckle escaping his lips. Yuta's energy was making him nervous, "Right now?"

"Yes right now because I want Sungchan to hear this as well," he glanced towards the back seat and made eye contact with the youngest of them all. Sungchan wasn't too comfortable with it and felt intimidated, looking away and cowering under his gaze. Yuta chuckled internally, "You missed out on possibly 16 weeks of medical advice and care and that's way too long without any help," Shotaro was cowering now in his seat, curling in on himself, "The internet is not the same as talking to a doctor, and you need to make sure you keep up with your appointments and prenatal care and follow all advice given to you. And you Sungchan," he addressed, now facing said man and making him jump, "It's your job now to make sure he's doing all of that so your baby gets the best care and help," Sungchan nodded, looking afraid of Yuta. Yuta was terribly intimidating, "And you need to do better, just for my peace of mind," he addressed Shotaro again. 

Shotaro felt endlessly guilty, he really did, and he could see how endlessly frustrated Yuta was as well. He felt a lot of shame trapped right in his chest and could feel the way it was making his hands clench tightly in his lap. He could feel the way it was making his spine shiver with nerves, "But it turned out okay in the end," and it had, but he should have done something about it earlier. He could see his errors, he had worried about them plenty before. 

Yuta rolled his eyes, relaxing back into his seat with a thud, "I guess it did, but now you have the proper resources to continue doing everything that you need to do," he sighed, rubbing at his forehead with his whole hand, "And now you have to tell your parents, and you have to tell them today."

Shotaro's throat closed up at the suggestion. He had to clear it in order to speak, "What?! Why?"

"Because you're in your second trimester and they don't know you're pregnant at all. They should know that they have a grandchild on the way and you should tell them as soon as possible for both their sake and yours. It'll be better if they knew." 

Yuta was right but Shotaro didn't want to do that. His parents weren't going to be happy at all, and he didn't know how he was even going to bring it up. It seemed awkward and he didn't particularly want to bring up his pregnancy in his life update with his parents, "I'm... scared. I don't know what they'll say," Shotaro started bouncing his leg, "I don't know what I'll say or what I can say to make the whole thing easier."

"Well you have to say something," Yuta interrupted with a pointed look, "You can't keep it a secret forever. They'll eventually start asking why you have a little person following you wherever you go." 

Shotaro sighed and used both of his hands to scrub at his face. The stress was building back up after having such a good time at the ultrasound and he wished he'd had more time to relax and revel in the moment. His hands clapped on his thighs, rubbing them as he pressed his shoulders to his cheeks in a stress induced stretch, "I could try," he stated, sounding more like a question. He wasn't so sure he could really do it, "I don't know if I'll be able to commit when it comes to the call but I'll try my best," he might just choke and leave his pregnancy out of it. That's what he wanted to do anyway. 

But from the backseat, Sungchan's hand reached out and grabbed Shotaro's, holding it in such a way it made Shotaro feel better. The older turned over his shoulder to face Sungchan, "You'll have me there won't you?" his smile was blinding and so comforting and he had such a way with Shotaro. It was a talent, "I'll be there every step of the way so you don't have to do it alone. I can help along the way."

It was a little confidence boost and it made him smile, but Shotaro was nervous about Sungchan being present during the call. It wasn't like they were dating. They both liked each other and had been having casual sex, but there was no label and no established relationship. It made things a little confusing to Shotaro, "Okay," was all he settled on. There was a small nod and half a smile to follow, and it was good enough for Yuta. 

"Then as soon as you're both home later today you need to make that call. I'm so glad you have each other's numbers now," once Sungchan had found out that Shotaro was pregnant they had exchanged numbers because they had been ridiculous not to. Things would be so much easier once they had each other's contact information, "Sound good?"

"It does," Sungchan agreed, a mixture of nerves and excitement on his features; understandably. He was going to meet Shotaro's parents today, not in person but it was something. He hadn't thought of doing that before and he hadn't prepared himself for what he would say, but he could always figure it out. Good thing he called off the whole day so he could spend the next few hours in his apartment trying to compose himself. He could also stare at his own printouts and look at his baby in his free time. The thought made him smile. 

"You promise you'll do that, Shotaro?" Yuta asked, making sure he had a promise. 

"I do, senpai," Shotaro assured with a cautious nod. He was in for a world of pain later. He was sure of it. Sungchan squeezed his hand reassuringly, letting him know he was there for him and it was a moment's reprieve before Shotaro was back in his thoughts expecting the worse. Hopefully Sungchan can work some magic if they grew angry. He seemed to be skilled at that. 

-------

Shotaro had been distracted the rest of his work day and wasn't sure if he even taught the right moves in his classes. All of his routines seemed to have left his brain and he couldn't help it. There was a lot on his mind blocking out what was most important despite the importance of maintaining his job. He was going to make a call to his parents and he wasn't ready for that. They were going to have loads to say and Shotaro didn't think he wanted to hear any of it. But he had to tell them because they had to know. This was something huge in Shotaro's life and he couldn't leave it in the dark when it was going to change everything about him. He'd had quite the mental storm until he was heading home. 

After finishing his remaining classes at the academy, Shotaro had ridden the bus home and immediately headed towards Sungchan's apartment to grab him for the video call they were about to have. Sungchan looked nervous but composed and Shotaro knew he himself looked a wreck about their agenda. Both were extremely nervous about the call but Sungchan was oddly excited about what was about to happen. He had spent hours hyping himself up on his own in his apartment, preparing for whatever was going to happen. Sungchan didn't know if he was going to say much to Shotaro's mom or dad, since it was Shotaro's secret to tell, but it was exciting to meet them at all. He was ready for this call and he hoped Shotaro was as well. If not, he was right there for him and would his best to ease his anxiety. His role was to be Shotaro's biggest support and he was going to be exactly that. 

"You ready?" Sungchan asked as he returned to the couch. He had just thrown away take out containers that were once full of food, courtesy of Sungchan because he knew Shotaro would need to eat once he arrived home. He had hoped it would make Shotaro feel better and while it did look like there was less tension in his features, Sungchan could read Shotaro's body language and could see how he was still anxious and worried. He took a seat right by Shotaro's side and looked at the laptop that was placed on the coffee table right in front of them, video chat pulled up and waiting to call.

"Not really," Shotaro nervously chuckled, "I still don't know what I'll say to them," he cleared his throat, relaxing back into the couch cushions after giving up on finding a comfortable position. It had taken him hours to only come up with a rough outline of what he wanted to say, "I'll be speaking in total Japanese as well, so you probably won't understand a lot of it," his parents didn't speak a lick of Korean, so he imagined conversation with his mom, dad, and Sungchan would be very limited, "You could try and talk to them, but I don't know if you'll get the chance. If I have to, I'll tell you how to beg for forgiveness in Japanese," Shotaro wished he was joking, but he had no confidence, "Maybe that'll help."

Sungchan laughed at Shotaro's willingness to help him speak to his parents, but he had to admit that would be something helpful to learn, "I'm forgetting all the Japanese you've taught me already so I might need your help with everything," he hadn't practiced in so long and it was embarrassing. Shotaro had learned so much Korean and was doing especially well with the language and here Sungchan was, struggling to remember simple conversation pieces. 

Shotaro smiled and nodded, finding Sungchan incredibly cute, but his features were soon falling as he inhaled deeply and exhaled heavily, "Okay, let's make the call," he reached out to hit the 'call' button but he hesitated mid-air, hand hovering above his mousepad as he thought through his actions. This seemed impossible. 

Sungchan could see the way his hand was shaking with fear and to help ease his strain, he grabbed the hand that was still sitting in Shotaro's lap, squeezing tight, "It'll be okay," he was still shaky in his position, but the more he considered it the more he felt in his heart that they were going to be okay, "Whatever happens, you'll have me and Yuta to fall back on."

And that was true, and Shotaro had no doubts about it. Shotaro turned his head and placed a quick kiss on Sungchan's lips, "Thank you," he nearly whispered before he squeezed Sungchan's hand back and then finally hit the call button on his laptop. There was no stopping now, they were going to talk to his parents. 

It had taken five rings before the screen was lighting up with shifting light and a blurry image of what appeared to be a face, "Mom?" Shotaro called, voice sounding anxious. The two sat in silence as the screen settled itself out and the person on the other end held the phone still, "Mom?" Shotaro called again, growing more anxious. 

"Shotaro!" his mother responded, bright and happy.

"Hi, Mom," Shotaro greeted, a relieved smile on his face. Obviously he was happy to see his mother even in such a nerve-wracking situation, "Is Dad home?" he needed him there for this call. They both needed to be told at the same time. He couldn't have his mother tell his father, he needed to tell him himself. 

"Yes! I'll go get him," his mother chirped, moving once again to go find her husband, "I've missed you so much my baby boy! It's been weeks since I've heard from you! Your little sister and brother have been bugging me about calling you too but I understand you're so busy so I never wanted to call when you couldn't come to the phone. You'll have to talk to them after this call if you have the time," Sungchan didn't understand much already but he could understand brother and sister and that had him smiling. He knew Shotaro's siblings were young, 17 and 10, and the prospect that he could meet them in the future had him smiling like an idiot. Shotaro with kids was a lovely image forming in his head. He would be seeing a lot of that very soon and the image was even better with Shotaro holding their own baby. 

And Shotaro's mother had just noticed Sungchan, "Who is with you, my son?" she asked, squinting and peering closer at the screen, "He looks nice. Is this a friend of yours?" Shotaro's mother was sitting down again and the quality cleared as she settled, now showing both her and Shotaro's father, and Sungchan could say with confidence that Shotaro looked like his mother but had his father's smile, "Say hi to your son!" she addressed her husband happily. So far, Sungchan didn't think Shotaro's parents were people to be afraid of. 

"Hi son! Long time no see," he smiled, waving happily at the screen. He too had noticed Sungchan on the screen and had to ask, "Who are you with?"

Shotaro inhaled shakily and breathed out a forced smile, "Mom, Dad, this is Sungchan. My boyfriend," it was a blatant lie, but saying they were involved would make everything to follow much easier and it would greatly appease his parents if they were dating. He turned to Sungchan and whispered in shaky Korean, "Say hello. Politely," Sungchan didn't look like he had any idea of what was happening and the cluelessness was making Shotaro feel better. That was one less person as worried as he was.

"Hello!" Sungchan greeted, throwing in a deep bow for extra measure even if they weren't in person, "It's very nice to meet you both," Sungchan's Japanese was still very limited and he refrained from saying too much as to not embarrass himself in front of three native Japanese people. But, he did feel confident in what he had managed to say, and from Shotaro's look of approval, he knew he had done well. 

Shotaro's mother and father stared, mixtures of shock and skepticism on their features. They hadn't had any inkling that their son had been seeing anyone, "Boyfriend?" Shotaro's father asked, coming closer to the screen to take a better look at Sungchan. He was no longer smiling and that left both men uneasy in their seats, "You have a boyfriend? And you haven't told us until now?"

"Yes," Shotaro nodded, voice shaking and cracking at the dip of his words, "He's been my boyfriend for some time now," he looked away from the screen and faced Sungchan, silently asking for encouragement with his eyes. Sungchan quietly understood and grabbed his hand to hold, smiling confidently and it somehow made Shotaro feel better. He gained enough courage to continue speaking, "And, um, I have something else to tell you... now that we're here," he licked his dry lips, biting the bottom one aggressively. He was stalling and he felt like he lost his voice. He thought there would be more small talk and lead up to get to this point but it was all happening too soon and he felt his gut twisting painfully. He was starting to feel nauseous. 

"Something to tell us?" his mother asked, urging him on. Sungchan could see how their characters had changed dramatically and he understood why Shotaro had been so apprehensive. They were scary despite their initial dispositions. 

Shotaro sighed and pinched his thigh to get himself to speak. It stung badly but it was enough, "Um, I'm pregnant, and I'm due in February," he squeezed Sungchan's hand so tight is almost had Sugnchan yelping in pain, but he refrained from doing so, "And Sungchan is the father."

Shotaro's parents were both silent on the screen, staring right at them and trying to compose themselves for the next step in the conversation. Sungchan felt like he was going to throw up now, "How on Earth did you get pregnant? You've been in Korea for seven months and you're already a few months along?" Shotaro's mother's voice was raised and stern and it was really hitting the two of them right in the chests where it hurt the most, "What were you thinking?!" 

Shotaro cleared his throat, "There wasn't much thinking about it. We didn't plan on getting pregnant and we were careful but still. It just sort of happened," Shotaro felt the baby wiggle in his lower belly and it did nothing to ease the nausea sitting heavy in his system, "But we've got it under control and we're dealing with it as we go."

"You tried to prove to us that you were such an adult by moving to Korea on your own and starting a life on your own but this is the ultimate example of showing how irresponsible you are," Shotaro's father stated, "Son, we thought you would know better and do better than that." 

"I do know better and we did everything we could to prevent this from happening but it's not always a perfect science," Shotaro unconsciously scooted closer to Sungchan and pressed further into his side, "You can do always everything you can and still fail."

"Your brother and sister look up to you and this is quite literally ridiculous. You're supposed to be an example to them and what will they think knowing you're having a baby when your life has barely started? And unwed?" Shotaro's mother was truly upset right now and Shotaro understood. Of course he did. He was expecting all of this to happen, "They know better than you and you're the oldest!"

"Mom, I know I messed up but there's nothing I can do about it now except deal with it. Isn't that a lesson they can learn from me about dealing with their problems and pursuing their dreams even when there are bumps in the road?" Shotaro asked, no longer wanting to hear all the slander directed his way. His mood was turning fast. 

"It is a possible lesson they could learn but they would know in the first place to take proper precautions and not be so careless about what they're doing. We've taught you better than that and you should have exercised your life lessons," his mother was not red-faced yet but she was clearly annoyed with what was happening, and Sungchan wished he knew what was happening. He could catch words here and there, like proper nouns or small words Shotaro had taught him, but there wasn't enough context to truly understand the conversation. He felt useless. 

"But we can't change it now," Shotaro huffed, "I'm sorry for messing up but we have a healthy baby on the way and I'm doing well and my job is going great, Sungchan is doing well at his job too and he's ready to be a father and we can do this. I understand your frustrations but you have to understand that I am my own person now and when things happen I know how to deal with them," he was going to leave out how he had coped at first and continued as though there were no errors in how he had tried to handle things. He had been too anxious before but he had greatly changed in the past few days, "You can be mad and disappointed or whatever you're feeling but we've got this. Look, I even have scan prints to show you," for the first time, he let go of Sungchan's hand to grab a print out of his ultrasound that sat neatly on the coffee table, holding it up to the screen so his parents could see the details, "There's your grandbaby and even though they weren't meant to happen, they are coming and you'll want to meet them even if you say you won't want to."

Despite the situation and the anger and frustrations, both Shotaro's parents looked closer at the screen to study the image. Sungchan had been watching closely and watched as Shotaro's mother's face went from harshly upset to soft and curious. It was an amazing thing after all and even past all their disappointment, they couldn't help but feel excitement as well. His mom sighed and took a different course of action, licking her lips, "You said they're doing well?"

"Very well," Shotaro answered, "They're kicking and moving and they have a strong heartbeat. They're a good size and healthy and we heard all about how well they're doing at our appointment today," Shotaro wasn't going to mention that this was his first appointment ever. He would most likely take that to the grave, "That's your grandson or granddaughter." 

Both Shotaro and Sungchan watched as their frowns turned into small smiles, still trying to maintain seriousness, but that was difficult, "Shotaro," his father started, "I can say we are happy for you, you are our son and we love you, but we didn't want this to happen so soon for you. It wasn't in our expectations for you, but we can agree that you will do well as a mother," he ended with a genuine smile because looking past everything, Shotaro did very well with children and he would be a good mother, "We just wish your life path was different."

"Me too," Shotaro agreed with a nod, feeling relief flood his chest, "But as it goes, we're having a baby and we're ready for them," Shotaro had to admit, his confidence in Sungchan had greatly increased and most of his qualms had disappeared. Sungchan was an honest man and he believed him if he could say he was ready to be a father, even though ridiculous. 

"If you say so," Shotaro's mother nodded, sighing again, "We'll always be here to help, and if Sungchan wasn't there we would ask you to move back home. But I am glad you have a partner by your side. That will make things much easier for you," they weren't really partners, but Shotaro was still keeping that a secret, "I hope you're ready for this next step in your life because it's a big one."

"We're on our way there," Shotaro nodded, smiling unconsciously as he used a hand to hold onto Sungchan's knee. It was comforting to both men even if it was unintentional, "Don't worry," even though clueless, Sungchan smiled and nodded, happy to be included even for a little bit. 

Conversation didn't last too much longer before the call ended with Shotaro's mother making him promise to call his siblings later so he could tell them the good news, even after claiming how Shotaro's example was going to influence them in a negative way. Shotaro would of course call his sister and tell her, then have her hand the phone over to his little brother. He was going to be an uncle at such a young age and it was bizarre to him. 

'I love you's were shared and Shotaro ended the call, immediately relaxing into the couch cushions and using his hands to rub at his face. That had gone much better than he had expected and he was thankful for his parent's understanding. Perhaps they were holding back because Sungchan was there, perhaps they were understanding and really wanting to see Shotaro's side of things. Whatever the reason, Shotaro was thankful and he hoped that positive energy was there to stay. He really needed it during this weird time of transitioning and learning how to be a parent. 

Sungchan hadn't been able to understand much, snippets of conversation making sense to him but most was left unknown to him. He had been glad to be such a big support to Shotaro even if he couldn't do much. It was nice to feel needed even if he felt useless personally. 

There was something that had stuck out to Sungchan though and he had to address it before it drove him crazy, "Taro hyung," he started, effectively getting the older to look his way. He looked tired but he had to overlook that and speak to him, "At the beginning, when you were introducing me, you said I was your boyfriend?" boyfriend, even though an odd word, he knew how to say it in Japanese and he knew he heard it come from Shotaro's mouth. It brought delight to his chest at the time and now was an appropriate time to bring it up.

Shotaro's eyes widened and a pretty, pink blush painted his cheeks. He was incredibly embarrassed, "Oh, you caught that?" he hadn't thought Sungchan would and he was hoping they could skip past that entirely. 

"I don't know much Japanese, but I do know a little," Sungchan reminded, laugh making him smile like crazy. He thought it was funny and was now curious why he had chosen that word, "And I do know that much."

Shotaro cleared his throat and straightened himself out, rubbing his own knee to garner some calm in his system, "I said you were my boyfriend so my parents wouldn't be as upset finding out I'm pregnant. It sounds better if you're dating the father of your baby," it only made sense. 

Sungchan was smiling wider now and he felt a rush of confidence build in his stomach. He was oddly giddy, "I mean, you could be dating the father of your baby," Shotaro's brows furrowed in confusion. What did that mean? "That's not such a bad idea if you think about it."

It really wasn't but Shotaro felt sorely prepared for this conversation, more so than the one he'd just had with his parents. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders sheepishly, "Maybe not, but we don't really know each other," at least not in the way he wanted to know Sungchan before dating him. He wanted to know way more, and not just with Sungchan, but anyone he could potentially date. He wanted to really know him, "We usually talk about little things and then have sex and pillow talk after. There hasn't been much room for deep conversation and inner thoughts and feelings," Shotaro was hoping he was communicating properly. He didn't want to hurt Sungchan's feelings. 

"I think I know you though," Sungchan defended, thinking of all the things he knew about Shotaro. Personally, he thought he knew the older pretty well, and he was sure Shotaro knew him pretty well also. He was just in denial. 

Shotaro wanted to believe that but he shook his head, "We know surface level stuff about each other. We have yet to bare our souls."

"We see things differently then," Sungchan started, turning fully towards Shotaro, "The deepest parts of you come out when you're dating and the most comfortable with each other. And even so, I want to hear all those kinds of things from you, every single thought you have, I want to know," Sungchan grabbed both of Shotaro's hands and the number of times he had already done that today had been uncountable. He couldn't complain though. Sungchan loved Shotaro's hands and he always had, "From your first memory as a child to your last thought. I want to hear it all."

And Shotaro had to admit he wanted to hear those kinds of things from Sungchan as well. It couldn't hurt to know a little more about the father of his baby, but that would happen over time and they would be spending a lot more time with each other than they previously had for months. It would help their situation a lot and when the baby arrived they could be the best of friends. Shotaro liked that idea, "Then if we start dating, I want to know absolutely everything about you. Every little detail, even the ones that don't matter in the slightest. I want us to be best friends when Baby is born," he glanced down at his hidden bump and smiled blissfully. His heart was on his sleeve and Sungchan was absorbing every moment, "It would be the best if we were that close for our baby. We need to be that close." 

"And we will be. I want to know everything about you too and I want us to be best friends too," the idea had his heart racing, "And I don't ever want to leave your side from now on. I was going crazy when you were gone. I was quite literally losing my mind and I don't ever want to be so far away from you ever again. What do you think about that?" he was gauging the older's features and body language and he could already tell what his answer was going to be. Shotaro was easy for him to read. 

Shotaro was flattered and he felt the exact same, "I think you should stay right here and stay with me," Shotaro moved closer until he was leaning into Sungchan's chest, cuddling into his warmth, "I really like you a lot."

"I like you a lot," Sungchan parroted, "So what do you say? Boyfriends?" he was hoping for a simple yes because that was all he really needed. 

Shotaro chuckled into Sungchan's shirt before he was pulling away to look Sungchan in the eyes. His smile was so wide and Sungchan mirrored him, looking the happiest he's ever been, "Boyfriends," they both giggled happily and accidentally. It was such a special thing to start dating someone you really liked and here they were doing just that. It was a new feeling for both of them which made this even more special and even more right. 

Sungchan really needed to close the distance so he leaned forward and captured Shotaro's lips in a kiss so full of feeling and affection that it felt like a first kiss again. Fireworks exploded in their bellies and butterflies were let loose and they almost couldn't handle it. Shotaro kissed back as though his life depended on it and hummed into Sungchan's mouth. He was happy and this day had gone over so well, so much better than he thought it would. To think, he didn't think he would make it on his own, but now Sungchan was here and he truly did not have anything to worry about. 

They were both so happy and nothing could ruin anything for them. Their life together was starting, and both were so excited for what their future had in store for them. Neither could hardly wait; neither had any anxieties. It would be okay and they both knew it. 

Chapter Text

On the fifth of February, Sungchan and Shotaro's baby boy arrived full-term, completely healthy, and absolutely gorgeous, and they gave him the name Jisung. Shotaro had left it up to Sungchan to choose a name, not being too familiar with Korean names himself, and Sungchan picked the perfect name. Jisung was their entire world already and even through the trials of parenthood while simultaneously figuring out their relationship and living situation, they were truly happy. Things were going well for them and neither could think of any better outcome. 

And today was a very special day. Shotaro was returning to the studio after three months of maternity leave. Three months was standard and Yuta had offered a longer leave if he so desired but Shotaro was going insane staying at home with the baby. He loved that little boy with all of his heart but Shotaro needed human interaction with someone other than Jisung and he needed to dance. Oh, how he missed dancing. It had been far too long since he'd done a proper routine and he was itching to dance again. 

Shotaro missed teaching terribly and he figured seeing his students and heading a class was just the thing that would cure his restlessness. He hadn't known he would miss it so much but a week into maternity leave he had been so antsy that he just needed to dance, but he had been so big and uncomfortable at that point that it was nearly impossible. He hadn't danced since many weeks before giving birth, and even then it was simple and more a collection of side stepping and shuffling, but truly being unable to dance and being out of the classroom had him bored and uneasy. Shotaro was more than excited to start dancing the way he wanted to again in a classroom setting, and he was more than excited to see his students. 

And he was bringing Jisung with him. Sungchan had volunteered to stay home for Shotaro's first day back so he wouldn't be distracted but Shotaro was seizing the opportunity to take his son to the academy. In the years to come, Jisung would be growing up around the area and Shotaro figured the sooner he hung around the sooner he would be familiar with the place. This had been his reasoning but Sungchan could see through his lie. The separation anxiety was really getting to Shotaro after months of not being without Jisung and Sungchan was willing to humor him. Jisung was an easy baby anyway, even at three months old, and Shotaro would have Yuta and friends there to help if it was needed. It was one day after all, and one day at the studio couldn't hurt. 

Shotaro strut confidently through the front entrance of the studio with the biggest smile on his face, Jisung's car seat carrier clutched tight in his hand and the baby bag tossed over his opposite shoulder along with his dance bag. He looked like a proper pack mule but it was something he had gotten used to anytime he left the apartment (which wasn't often). While he was excited to be back at the studio, he was even more excited to show off his son to all his coworkers and all the students. Shotaro's students had been the closest to him near the end of his pregnancy and he knew for a fact they were going to be ecstatic that he brought the baby. They knew he was coming in today, but Jisung had not been a part of the plan. There was going to be an eruption in his practice room once they laid eyes on him and Shotaro was so looking forward to it. 

Not surprisingly, Yuta was the first to greet Shotaro at the door, standing in his usual spot at the front desk where he greeted everyone who walked into his studio. The only difference from today apart from any other day was that he was holding Renjun in his arms who seemed very occupied with playing with Yuta’s untied and long hair. Seeing his younger friend enter through the front door, Yuta flashed him the brightest smile he could muster and pointed out his entrance to Renjun so he could do the same. Upon laying eyes on Shotaro, Renjun flashed his gorgeous smile that looked so much like Sicheng’s it was scary and kicked his legs excitedly, wiggling a little too much for Yuta to handle. He had to tighten his grip in order to not drop his son, “Look! It’s uncle Shotaro,” Yuta pointed out as if Renjun hadn’t seen him in the first place. Renjun giggled with excitement, so ready to see his favorite uncle.

“Toto!” Renjun shouted, clapping his hands in front of him as Shotaro walked closer. Shotaro was a difficult name for Renjun to pronounce at almost 20 months old, and when he first started learning Shotaro’s name he had been much younger. With no advanced language skills to even attempt to pronounce his full name, Renjun had shortened Shotaro to Toto, and so it stuck. Shotaro was Uncle Toto and every time he heard it it made Shotaro’s heart flutter happily. Renjun was the sweetest little thing and Shotaro was so happy to see him. 

“Good morning, Renjunie! I brought Jisungie with me today,” he lifted the car seat carrier higher so the toddler could get a better look at the baby inside. Jisung was fast asleep and bundled in a thin blanket wrapped tight around his little body, and even though he wasn’t much fun being so small and asleep, Renjun’s excitement was unbridled as he tried to reach out to touch the baby, “Would you like to say hello?” Shotaro asked even when he already knew the answer. He didn’t wait for another second as he gently set the car seat carrier on the lobby floor so Renjun could see him better and give a very welcomed greeting. 

Renjun was obviously enthusiastic about greeting the baby and Yuta quickly set him on the floor with a squat but continued to hold him back with a hand on his chest and the other holding a leg in place so he couldn't step forward. Renjun would probably pummel Jisung if he wasn’t held back, still clumsy with his movements and unaware of his strength, “Remember to be gentle, Junnie. Be soft; he’s sleeping,” Yuta reminded his son, carefully guiding the toddler towards the car seat carrier so he could see better. 

Even in his toddler mind, Renjun was determined to be as gentle as possible. Both Yuta and Sicheng had taught him many times how to be gentle with babies and he was such a good listener even when he was so young. Approaching the sleeping Jisung, Renjun cooed quietly and stuck out a finger so he could poke one of Jisung’s chubby cheeks. His finger sunk into Jisung's round face and his finger sprung back when he pulled away. It was indeed gentle and didn’t even stir Jisung from his slumber and Renjun looked so proud of himself. Yuta praised his good work and Renjun returned to admiring Jisung, smile still so happy. 

“My Sungie,” Renjun called, hoping Jisung would respond. Renjun just about never called Jisung by his full name and usually settled on calling him Sungie, which could be confusing when Sungchan was around since he called him by the same nickname. Both were Sungie when Renjun was around and he had never attempted to say their full names. On the more rare occasion, Renjun would coo and use the sweetest voice to call Jisung ‘My Sungie’ and that was Shotaro’s favorite. He learned it from Sicheng who called his son ‘My Renjun’ in Mandarin and Renjun only saw it appropriate to call the baby by the same name as well. With his big and kind heart, Renjun only ever used it for Jisung and no one else, “My Sungie.” 

Speaking of his mother, the one who started it all, Sicheng was entering the wide foyer now after exiting the bathroom. He quickly absorbed the scene in front of him, eyes darting between Yuta and Shotaro before settling on his son who was being incredibly gentle with a tiny and sleeping Jisung. He felt his heart sing in adoration for his little boy and pride swelled in his chest, “Are you being soft, My Renjun?” Sicheng questioned affectionately as he walked up to wrap an arm around Yuta’s waist with a wide smile, knowing his son was nothing but gentle with Jisung. He wouldn't dare be anything else. 

“Yes Mama!” Renjun exclaimed, continuing his staring at Jisung and taking in everything about him. He was being so gentle, even now as he felt the soft blanket on his fingertips, doing his best not to disturb Jisung. 

“You’re here!” Shotaro chirped, happy to see Sicheng after so long. It had been maybe two weeks since he last saw the older man and that had been brief since he had stopped by his apartment to drop off a gift and left shortly after with other errands to attend to. Sicheng knew how difficult it was being a new mother and being alone during the day while Sungchan was at work, and gifts were always a nice way to cheer people up. Shotaro had greatly appreciated the gesture and the homemade cookies he had gifted him had been delicious. 

“I am!” Sicheng confirmed with an amused giggle, “I thought it was a good day to spend the day at the studio, and Renjun just loves it so much I knew he wouldn't mind the visit,” visiting the studio was one of Renjun’s favorite things and it was a bonus that his father was always there as the owner. If Sicheng was being honest, it was both their favorite place to go, “And I heard today is your first day back and thought it would be nice to see you in action,” his eyes flitted down to the carseat carrier still on the floor, watching as his son continued to stare at Jisung. Jisung was fast asleep and no noise passing by was going to wake him up, “And while I’m here I might as well watch your son while you have classes so you won’t have to worry about him.”

“You don’t have to do that if it’s too much trouble,” Shotaro shook his head with a nervous waver. The original plan was for Yuta to take Jisung since he had no classes most of the day and when Shotaro had his breaks he would of course keep his son. To ask Sicheng to watch over both a toddler and an infant at the same time seemed like asking too much. Sicheng was very capable of doing it, he believed that, but it was still a wide load of work and Shotaro did not want to be a burden. 

“Oh please it's no trouble at all! I would love to spend some alone time with your precious little angel,” Jisung truly was an angel. He was so laid back and didn’t often cry, and this made him the easiest baby either man has dealt with. Watching Jisung would be no chore, “I need more one-on-one with my nephew. So if you don't let me watch him I'll be upset," Sicheng pouted ridiculously and Shotaro had never seen the older like this. Maybe he should just let him.

"Okay, if you're so sure," Shotaro knew Sicheng would take good care of his son. There were no worries there, "My first class starts soon and I'll have to get going," he needed to stretch and warm-up before teaching, and he needed to do so more than he usually would. It had been too long since he danced and he would need to practice a routine or two before attempting to get in front of his students. Shotaro would rather not embarrass himself, especially when he had such talented students, "Are you ready to take him now?" 

"Gimme that baby," Sicheng demanded with a bright smile as he reached out for the car seat carrier, gently picking it up and holding the handle tight, "I'll be in the office so he's away from all the noise," Shotaro appreciated that kind gesture. Jisung would get used to all the noise soon but for now Shotaro didn't want him exposed to too much loud music and the sound of excited students yelling, "So when you get a break and need to see him you'll know exactly where to find us."

"Thank you so much. Everything you'll ever need is in the baby bag and if something goes wrong or he's too fussy do not hesitate to fetch me from class," Shotaro handed the bag over and Sicheng took it in his free hand so he could sling it over his shoulder. Seeing Sicheng with Jisung and his belongings suddenly made it all real and Shotaro suddenly wasn't ready, "I really don't want to leave him," he pouted, already growing anxious at Jisung not being right by his side. He wanted nothing more than to hold his son tight to his chest and place kisses all over his wispy hair, "But I have to, don't I?" he gave a shaky and nervous chuckle, trying in vain to preserve what little composure he had remaining. He felt ready to cry at not having his baby within arm's reach. 

Yuta smiled and stepped closer so he could place a hand on Shotaro's shoulder, thumb rubbing the muscle there comfortingly, "You do, but everything will be okay. You'll be so preoccupied with your students and time will go so fast you won't even realize how long you've been away from Jisung. You're going to have an amazing first day back and you're going to kill it on those dance floors like you usually do. I promise," Yuta sounded so confident in the younger and it was kind of amazing. It was hard not to believe him. 

Shotaro still wasn't entirely sure but he was going to try to have a good day knowing his son was in more than capable hands, "I'll try my best. I'm just hoping I can still dance like I used to," it had been a huge worry of his since he gave birth. His body had changed so much in such a short amount of time and it had taken time to heal after the trauma and strain of childbirth. He didn't think it was overly ridiculous to have worries about his performance skills, no matter his skill prior to, "I might have forgotten how to dance entirely." 

"Are you kidding? You were born to dance! I don't think anything can stop you from moving the way you usually do," Sicheng chimed in, brows furrowed as he wondered if Shotaro was being genuine or not, "The only thing that could stop you is your own self. Give yourself some credit, Taro. And the kids will be so excited to see you're back. They've been asking Yuta when you'll be back for weeks," to the point where a sign had to be posted on Shotaro's dance room door sharing his return date, "You're going to have some full classes today. Make sure you take attendance because you'll have students in your class who aren't supposed to be there." 

And while that was a nice sentiment to hear, it worried Shotaro even more. He really needed to get ready for the day if he wanted to keep up with his students and live up to their expectations, "Then I really need to warm up properly. You're still okay with watching Jisung?" he asked Sicheng once more just to be on the safe side. 

"Go to class," Sicheng laughed with a shake of his head, amused by Shotaro's maternal antics, "We'll be fine," Shotaro was still so anxious, but then his eyes traveled back to look at Jisung in his car seat and was met with a very smiley Renjun staring at him. He watched as Renjun very gently held Jisung's foot in his palm and giggle when the baby kicked his legs. Shotaro could feel his heart bursting in his chest, and he was suddenly feeling significantly better about leaving his son with Sicheng. 

"Okay. When he wakes up tell him I love him and that I miss him already," Shotaro was itching to hug and kiss his son goodbye but that would require taking Jisung out of his car seat and waking him up and Shotaro was not going to interrupt his sleep. He gets very upset when he gets woken up from a nap when he's not ready and Shotaro did not want to leave Sicheng with an upset baby. They wouldn't be apart for long, "And that I'll see him soon."

"I will. Now get going or you'll never leave at this rate," Yuta smiled wide next to Sicheng. Both of the parents saw themselves in Shotaro, so hesitant to leave their young babies so soon. With time came more confidence being away from them, but they remembered being in his shoes. There were days when they still felt the way Shotaro was feeling now.

And with that, Shotaro gave a quick nod before he was walking off to his practice room, getting more excited the more he closed that distance. Everything would be fine, Jisung would be fine, he would be fine, his classes would be fine. Shotaro tried to shake that last bit of doubt before he was in class, ready to do what he loved after so long. That was really something to look forward to and it made it easier to separate himself from his son even for a moment. He was excited and he would be okay.

-------

Luckily the elevator was up and running that day and Shotaro was so thankful that someone had taken the time to fix it. Shotaro had thought the trek up the steps was difficult after a long day of dancing and then he got pregnant while still being a dance teacher. He was hoping the elevator would stay in service long enough so he didn't have to carry a heavy car seat up the stairs after a long day of dancing. Fingers crossed he wouldn't have to experience that soon, at least while he was still out of shape. 

"We're home, Jisungie," Shotaro singsonged as he fished his keys out of his front pocket, happy he was seconds away from relaxing and spending the evening with his family off of his feet. Sungchan was still at work and would be for another hour or so before his return and Shotaro was going to be counting down the minutes. Still, Shotaro was taking advantage of his boyfriend's time away since it gave some time for him and Jisung to be alone after being apart for most of the day. Shotaro had to admit it was nice being his own person and being able to socialize with his students without a baby needing his attention, but he still missed his baby so terribly. Jisung had become such a big, important part of his life and Shotaro was not ever upset about it. Jisung was everything to him, "Then we can wait for daddy to get home and cuddle. How does that sound?" Shotaro swore he heard Jisung coo in response and it about made his heart burst, singing loud and proud for his baby boy. 

Shotaro unlocked and opened his apartment door with vigor and was immediately greeted with the sound of clattering pots and soft music. Confused, Shotaro sounded off as he closed the door behind him, "Hello?" he quickly toed off his shoes, skillfully lifting them with his feet to line them neatly against the wall before speed stepping to see who was in the kitchen, "Sungchan?" of course that was the only person it could be but he wasn't supposed to be home yet. Sungchan had moved into Shotaro's apartment five months prior after figuring out contracts with his shared apartment with Jungwoo. It worked out in the end and their new set up worked amazingly for them. With Sungchan being home now, Shotaro was surprised but was already very delighted. 

Rounding the corner of the front entrance so he could turn into the kitchen, Shotaro was met with the sight of Sungchan standing at the kitchen counter working diligently with a bamboo roller in hand. Shotaro thought maybe Sungchan had been too focused to notice he was no longer alone, but with another step closer to the younger man, Sungchan tore his eyes away from his task to face Shotaro with a smile already on his face. His eyes were curved into crescents as he made eye contact with his boyfriend, "Welcome home, Taro hyung!" 

“You’re home early!” Now much closer than before, Shotaro could see that Sungchan had made hand-rolled sushi, one of their favorite meals and a skill he had acquired over the course of his and Shotaro's leaves from work. Looking behind Sungchan, Shotaro could see a plate topped with raw and breaded shrimp by the stove top and a pot of what he assumed to be oil. Sushi and tempura seemed a grand meal for just another Monday evening, "What's all this for?" Shotaro asked as he set Jisung's car seat carrier on the dining room table, unbuckling his son from the safety of his seat so he could hold him. He cradled his baby tight to his chest, all of his unease from the day finally melting away now that he was with his family. Jisung cooed in his arms, looking up at Shotaro with such innocence, admiration, and pouty lips. He looked so much like Sungchan and it never failed to make Shotaro swoon at this precious little person he had made.

"I made you dinner as a celebration of your first day back at the studio!" Sungchan easily explained, abandoning his uncut sushi roll to head towards the sink and wash his hands. He needed to properly greet his boyfriend and son now that they were home, "You deserve an amazing meal following all that hard work you did today." 

"I wouldn't say hard work," Shotaro disagreed, waiting patiently for a hello kiss from Sungchan, "And you're making me look bad right now by making me a 'special dinner'. I didn't do that for you when you went back to work," he pouted with a quivering lip. Sungchan had been given three weeks of paternity leave and had spent it wisely. He was lucky enough that the office he worked for allowed him to start his leave the day Shotaro went into labor, and he had spent the next 21 days at home figuring out how to be a parent along with Shotaro. Sungchan's first day back had been lack luster and he had come home to do exactly what he had done for the prior three weeks, nothing different in the slightest. Seeing all of his efforts in front of him, Shotaro was feeling guilty he hadn't done more for his boyfriend at the time.

But hearing Shotaro's words, Sungchan shook his head with a scoff and an amused grin, "When I went back to work we were both exhausted; running on fumes and pure instinct. I hadn't even considered something like this, not that I even deserved it. I'm not the one who birthed our perfect little boy," Sungchan shook off his wet hands before drying them on a dish towel hanging on the oven handle. And now that he was totally free from his task, Sungchan was able to greet Shotaro and Jisung as he pleased with excitement buzzing along his skin, "You're the one I credit for all the joy in my life, you know." 

Sungchan walked up to Shotaro, placing his left hand on his hip to guide him closer while his right hand ever so gently lifted to cup the older's jaw, quickly ushering him into a kiss. Shotaro easily obliged and relaxed into Sungchan's embrace, feeling his warmth against his body and feeling his heart pick up the pace when the younger's thumb brushed along his cheek, electrifying his touch. Shotaro had been holding Jisung with both arms, but he balanced the baby in one arm and used the one not supporting his weight to wrap around Sungchan’s back, fingers curling into the waist of the jeans he had thrown on after work. Aching for his body, Shotaro pulled Sungchan’s hips to his, his craving for his boyfriend satisfied. Admittedly, he hadn't realized how much he had missed him until that moment, having been too focused on Jisung and his work to really consider it. Sungchan was such a big part of his life now, and he had missed him greatly today, even if he hadn’t known it. Sungchan decided then to tease Shotaro by biting his lower lip, deriving a light and airy giggle from him. The two of them evidently made each other so happy, and being together again after hours apart had their anxieties lowered and their hearts calmer. They were home together again. 

Lost in their fantasy, the two finally separated once Jisung started to fuss, little arm waving between their chests as he grew antsy laying in the same position, feet starting to kick. He was finished laying down and he wanted to be up so he could look around and Shotaro followed his command almost immediately. He shifted Jisung in his arms so he could hold his head up and as soon as he was settled he caught sight of Sungchan and there was an immediate and gummy smile on his lips. Jisung’s smile was very reminiscent of Sungchan’s and both were sure that once he had teeth his smile would look unmistakably like his father’s. 

And seeing that smile Sungchan couldn’t help but mirror it, matching his son’s perfectly, “Hello, sweet boy,” he took a pause to place a big and dramatic kiss on Jisung’s cheek with a loud pop, making the baby’s head wobble slightly from the impact, “I missed you very much today and I would hold you right now but I’m still making dinner. I promise when I’m done I’ll give you the biggest hug and we can hang out, okay?” Sungchan’s baby talk voice was sickeningly sweet and it was something Shotaro loved to hear because it was reserved just for their son. Before Jisung’s arrival Sungchan had been adamant on baby talk, finding it very silly and condescending, but seconds after Jisung was born he was using the voice he was using now and had not stopped since. Shotaro never mentioned it to him for fear he would cease his habit. He wanted to hear it for as long as he could. 

Sungchan stepped away after another kiss to both Jisung’s and Shotaro’s cheeks and headed back towards the counter where their sushi sat, ready to complete the task so it didn’t have to sit out in open air any longer. He needed to cut the rolls and line them up neatly on a dish to serve. At the same time Shotaro posted himself at the far end of the kitchen counter so he could talk to Sungchan, bouncing Jisung lightly on his hip. He wanted to sit at the kitchen table and rest his legs and feet after a long day of dancing but sitting down meant he would have to get up soon and he could tell Jisung was not in a sitting down kind of mood. He would have to stand for now, “How was your day?” Sungchan started enthusiastically, so ready and eager to hear his boyfriend’s answer in hopes that he’d had a good day. Shotaro thought it was sweet seeing him so attentive, and knew based on his character that this was not going to be the only question. Sungchan liked an in-depth retelling of events, even if Shotaro stayed home all day with the baby. Sungchan would want to know every little detail, even if they weren’t important. 

“My day went pretty well, and it was amazing being back. I felt so free being able to dance again,” Shotaro had been incredibly happy to dance at his full potential without worrying about hurting himself or worrying about Jisung’s well-being. His smile was very telling of how his heart felt, “It was a really, really great day. I had so much fun being back in my practice room and doing what I'm best at.” 

Sungchan’s smile was so radiant, so glad and relieved that Shotaro had a perfect first day back, “And how were you feeling physically? How are you feeling now? Any pain at all?” pain had been a problem post pregnancy for weeks for Shotaro and it had been a major fear of Sungchan's, worried his boyfriend would hurt himself dancing or doing anything for that matter. Hearing the concern and worry in his voice all came from a place of anxiety in his heart and Shotaro thought it was sweet. The younger was just making sure he’d felt his best at work, and it amused Shotaro how eager he was to hear his hopefully positive answers. He smiled to himself, kissing Jisung's soft and wispy hair to contain the happiness he felt in his chest. 

“I was doing pretty alright. It was a little hard to squat and drop into low stretches without feeling a little tugging and aching, and my calves are feeling pretty sore, but I was perfectly fine. I was kind of afraid of hurting myself too, which ultimately made me a little clumsy on my feet but I managed not to fall over, so that’s a plus. I think that's an achievement in itself for me," Shotaro was pretty graceful in his movements, but things were much different since giving birth. 

“Good! How were the kids? Did they listen? And were they happy to see you were back?”

Shotaro smiled, recalling the elated smiles that flashed by when they noticed he was in the room, “The kids were all very excited to see me; maybe a little too excited. All they wanted to do during lessons was talk to me and ask me about Jisung and what it’s like to be a mother, but once I got them to dance they killed the moves and routine. Their sub really has talent,” Shotaro’s replacement had done an excellent job teaching their students the choreography with precision and sharp movements. Shotaro was truly impressed by what they had been able to accomplish in his absence and had enjoyed co-teaching with them today. 

Between all the answers he was giving, Shotaro shook a toy mouse with a rattle in the core to entertain and pacify Jisung. The toy was the first toy they bought after deciding on his name and it just so happened to be his favorite toy. Sungchan had spotted it in the store and thought it was perfect for their little "Jwi". Jisung tried his best to reach out and grab the toy, giggling at the rattling noise, fast shaking, and the bright colors. When Sungchan glanced his boyfriend’s way during their conversation, he also snuck looks at their son and the scene was so heartwarming and devastating. Jisung didn't resemble Shotaro much, only inheriting his eyes among everything else. 

“With all that dancing did you make sure to drink enough water? And eat a proper lunch?” Sungchan hoped Shotaro had done everything he could to keep himself in the best condition. Hearing his calves were sore was a little worrying, wondering if it was connected to dehydration or just overexertion. It was a small thing, but Sungchan didn't want Shotaro uncomfortable in any way if he could help it. 

Shotaro shrugged guiltily, "Lunch could have been better, it wasn't the healthiest," it had consisted of stir-fried noodles, which had good protein and vegetables, but was still stir-fried and oily. It wasn't the best meal to eat before dancing, "But enough water? Yes. I probably drank the recommended daily amount of water in the time I was at the studio alone. I had one student constantly reminding me to drink water too so I wouldn't forget," she had been very sweet and prompted Shotaro to take a few gulps in between sets and reruns. Shotaro only saw her once a day but in between classes she would stop by and ask if he had drank water like he was supposed to. It had been very endearing seeing her care so much, and Shotaro did as he was told even when she wasn't there. 

"You'll have to thank her for working so hard today for me," Sungchan smiled so brightly, so happy Shotaro had taken proper care of himself, even if his lunch wasn't the greatest. He wouldn't even touch on that. 

“And Renjun was there today!" Shotaro interjected, startling Jisung slightly but with how well mannered he was the baby didn't let it phase him, returning to his playing and drooling on his toy. Shotaro patted his back lovingly as a silent apology, "Sicheng hyung brought him in and he’s been acting like such a grown-up recently. He's like Jisung's little protector," while Shotaro had not experienced it first hand, Sicheng had told him that whenever Jisung fussed in his sleep before finally waking up, Renjun would gently rock his car seat with Sicheng's guidance, making sure he didn't rock him too hard or too fast. Renjun had been incredibly attentive and it was surely adorable, "Sicheng brought Jisung to visit my last class since he was awake at the right time and everyone was so excited to see him," Shotaro had tried to proudly show his son off to his students but Renjun had a different plan, "Anytime anyone tried to reach out and touch his hair or grab his hand, or step closer to get a better look all with my permission, Renjun would tell them 'No!' or whine and would push them away," it made Shotaro giggle thinking about it, and at the time it had made him laugh, "And to justify his actions he kept saying 'My Sungie' with a pout and it was too cute," Renjun was always so laid back but don't touch his baby, "He's really such a sweetheart, and before we left he gave him a big kiss on the forehead and he's just so sweet. It's always so lovely to see Jisung having someone other than us to love him so much."

"I think Renjun missed seeing him," Sungchan chimed in, trying to recall the last time the Nakamoto-Dong family had stopped by their apartment for a visit. Days blurred together, weeks at a time, so pinpointing an exact time was rather difficult for him especially when he wasn't there for most visits. Sungchan was sure it had been too long without seeing Renjun and his parents, "We shouldn't keep his best friend away from him too long."

Shotaro smiled in agreement, and simultaneously saw an opportunity to be quick witted and flirt with his boyfriend, "You know who I missed? You," and he greatly had. The two of them had spent a lot of time together on their leaves, having spent no more than an hour apart between runs to the store for diapers and formula. Even though Shotaro felt he knew everything about Sungchan, he had learned so much more, and he had watched him blossom into an amazing father. When Sungchan began working again it had been a hard transition for him, but something he grew used to. Every reunion they had once he was home from work was special to Shotaro, and today was even more so now that he was back at work, "I like being with you."

Sungchan's smile this time was so full of love and bashfulness it could make Shotaro laugh. Sungchan looked so pretty with pink cheeks, "I like to hear that. I must say I like being with you too. I miss you when we're both home and you're in the other room," Sungchan wanted Shotaro in his sights at all times, feel his warmth right at his side, “You’re my favorite." 

Shotaro's heart picked up the pace in joy. That was his favorite thing to ever hear, “You’re my favorite too, Sungie."

Small talk ensued as Sungchan finished up the last sushi roll he was making, completed by cutting it up into equal pieces. Now concluded with that portion of dinner, Sungchan was in dire need of holding his son if only for a second before moving on. So after putting the sushi in the fridge to keep cool and cleaning his hands again, he headed right for Jisung with a ridiculous smile, "Let me see him. I missed him so much," the grabby hands were enough for Shotaro to swoon at his eagerness to greet the baby. He obeyed without question and gently handed their son over, watching fondly as Sungchan greeted him again as if he hadn't had the chance to before. 

"Hello, my baby boy, I missed you so so so so much!" Sungchan exaggerated his words with his baby talk voice in an attempt to keep Jisung's attention. It was working as his round eyes locked with Sungchan's immediately, "I thought about you all day at the office. It made it hard to work but I managed okay enough," Sungchan then went on to tell Jisung all about his day: what happened at the office, what he had for lunch, how many calls he'd had, the coworkers he talked to, what he did on his break, etc. Sungchan worked as a staff accountant for a company building and it paid well, and it was the reason they survived while Shotaro wasn't working. Shotaro was eternally grateful for all that Sungchan did for their little family while he wasn't able to. 

"He can't understand what you're saying you know? It's all babble and noise to him," Shotaro interrupted as he returned from putting Jisung's used bottles from the day into the sink. In the short time he was given while Sungchan had Jisung, Shotaro took the chance to take a quick shower so he didn't feel as sticky. In the time after having Jisung, Shotaro had learned to take comically short showers, and this one was even shorter since he had skipped washing his hair, instead using a sports headband to keep it off his forehead and out of his face. He would take a proper shower later but for now he was inserting himself into Sungchan and Jisung's little bubble, wrapping his arm around Sungchan's waist and pressing him to his hip. His few minutes away had felt empty, but his return had his heart feeling full again. 

Sungchan rolled his eyes in mock annoyance, an unamused scoff leaving his mouth with a smile tugging at his lips, contradicting his little show of emotions, "I know that but talking to him like this early on can develop good communication skills," Jisung gurgled, letting out a small and happy squeal as he noticed Shotaro's return. His little interjection made both of his parents smile proudly, "See! It's already working!" 

Baby noises didn't account for words in any way but Shotaro was not going to burst Sungchan's bubble by correcting him again. He just nodded and giggled as Jisung squealed a second time, "I guess it is working. A little," Sungchan nodded back, bouncing Jisung and pulling happy giggles from his little body. It was all so adorable and heart-wrenching. 

"I need to fry the tempura now so we can eat, so I'll have to hand you off to your mom. Is that okay?" Sungchan asked Jisung as Shotaro smiled at how ridiculously adorable his boyfriend was continuing being. Sungchan was such a good father, "I bet your mama would love to hold you."

"I would," Shotaro agreed, eagerly and anxiously reaching out for their three-month-old son. Even though Shotaro had been close to Jisung all day, he didn't get to hold him near as much as he wanted to, and the short hold he had on him after coming home had not been enough. Shotaro needed a proper turn holding his baby boy, "And while you're finishing up dinner I could take out the trash and bring Jisung with me," Shotaro offered so he could feel useful. The trash bin had been full this morning, both having forgotten to take it out the night before. By the end of the day, they were too dead tired to remember all of their chores all of the time and last night it just so happened that the trash had slipped their minds. Surely with all of Sungchan's food prep he had yet to take the trash out and Shotaro was going to bring it upon himself to complete the task. He could put Jisung in his baby sling across his chest and be on his way. 

But Sungchan was shaking his head as he dipped the first battered shrimp into the hot oil, "Already did it. I saw it this morning too and made sure to take it out as soon as I got home," he looked over his shoulder and smiled at Shotaro, obviously pleased with himself. 

Shotaro was impressed, but knew there were still more chores to be done and surely Sungchan hadn't touched on those yet right? "Then the laundry? I could throw the laundry in the washer," the baby sling would really come in handy then, allowing Shotaro to carry their comically large laundry basket down the stairs and into the connected laundromat, "All of Jisung's need to be washed."

Again, Sungchan shook his head with a lilty laugh, "I did that too, both washed and dried. I wanted to make sure there was nothing for you to do when you got home today so you could sit on the couch and rest your legs. I knew it was going to be a tiring day," how could it not be? "I just wanted to make it as easy as possible for you. I also vacuumed and swept all the floors, which hadn't been in my original plan but I did it anyway. So there's something else you don't need to do."

Shotaro could grow emotional hearing that all he had to do for the rest of the evening was sit and relax. Sungchan was truly an angel and Shotaro was at a loss for words, "When did you say you got home again?" the younger sure had a lot of time to do all of that before Shotaro arrived home. If he had to guess, Sungchan had taken a half-day at work to make all of the magic happen. 

But Sungchan ignored his question completely, shrugging and humming a very chirpy 'iunno' to avoid the question altogether, "I started you some tea before you arrived as well if you wanted to pour yourself a cup to take to the couch. I imagine you'll camp there and snuggle Jisung until dinner is ready," Sungchan was wanting Shotaro to do that so he could properly rest while he could. 

And again Shotaro was speechless; Sungchan had really outdone himself this time. Everything had been so planned out and so thoughtful and Shotaro needed Sungchan to know he so greatly appreciated everything he had done for him. The least he could do in the moment was gift him a kiss for his dedication and he did just that. Shotaro approached Sungchan from behind and effectively pulled him from his task by grabbing him by the bicep and turning him around, making sure not to brush against the hand he had been using to handle the raw food. The older of the two pulled the younger to him and crashed their lips together in a very fiery kiss, very telling of how he was feeling towards the younger. It was very teasing, but Sungchan was just as much if not more of a tease than Shotaro was. 

With his clean hand, Sungchan grabbed the hem of Shotaro's shirt with deft fingers, aiming to pull it up and let his fingertips drag along the sensitive skin of Shotaro's torso. He was nearly back to his pre-pregnancy weight, and it helped that his weight gain hadn't been too much and was easy to lose once he wasn't pregnant and hungry all the time. Shotaro hadn't been overly concerned with his body's changes, but there was a clear difference once he gained his confidence back. Now the tiniest things were effective in riling him up, but before Sungchan could get past his belly button, Shotaro was grabbing his wrist and preventing him from moving faster, lips breaking apart with a sad whine, "Need I remind you you're still frying tempura? We don't want it to burn now, do we? Dinner first, kissing later," and Jisung was wide awake and in need of his mother's full attention or he would start fussing. And Shotaro was sure he needed a diaper change which was something he should rectify as soon as possible. There was a baby changing pad and diapers in a basket by the couch and he headed straight for it.  

Sungchan watched Shotaro act quickly and be such a dutiful mother by caring for their son and doing so with such love in his eyes. It made his whole body extremely happy and he couldn't help but comment on it, "Motherhood suits you so well, Taro hyung," he caught a glimpse of the confidence in Shotaro's smile at his words, "I love it and couldn't have chosen a better person to have a baby with," he had truly been blessed with the brightest, happiest, sweetest person that was ever to exist.

Shotaro disagreed, "Well you didn't exactly choose to have a baby with me. It just kind of happened," and he was so happy it had, even if it was a slip up on their end. 

And while that was true, Sungchan was going to play along and shrugged, shoulders hitting his cheeks in exaggeration, "Maybe that was my plan all along and I'm just a really good actor. You never know." 

He guessed it could be a possibility, but Shotaro highly doubted it. He mirrored Sungchan's shrug to play along as well, "Could've fooled me. Either way, I'm glad we had our baby together," Shotaro tossed Jisung's soiled diaper into the disposal system placed in the nursery very quickly and returned to finally, finally, sit down and rest his sore legs. The sigh he released once he sunk into the cushions was of pure relief and Shotaro melted into the couch, cradling Jisung ever so gently to his chest. The baby didn't mind lying down this time and happily settled into Shotaro's chest, cooing contentedly. It made Sungchan's heart flutter in admiration for his family. 

Dinner didn't take much longer as Sungchan finished up, and seeing how comfortable Shotaro was on the couch, he didn't have the heart to tell him to move to the dining table. So instead of creating that hassle for the older, he moved their food to the living room and set it on the coffee table so he could stay in his spot. Shotaro didn't have to voice it to make it clear to Sungchan that he was thankful. He felt it almost impossible to move from the couch without wanting to whine and complain; at least just a little, "Thank you, honey."

"You're very welcome," Sungchan chirped with a smile. 

The two ate in an amicable silence, hungry for real food after their day's tasks. The sushi and tempura were delightful and Shotaro had said so many times, inflating Sungchan's ego and affirming his skill in the kitchen. It was the perfect meal to come home to after his first day back at work and Shotaro was truly feeling joy for this moment with his family. Sungchan was the best, so selfless and loving. And while eating, the two traded back and forth a very fussy Jisung who needed to be held or he would be upset. During their meals he usually laid in his bouncer so their hands were free but this time Jisung was needing time with his mom and dad and they weren't going to deny him those small moments when they were needed. He always felt better when he was in their arms and it just meant more time with their baby. Nothing to complain about. 

It wasn't until after they finished eating that Jisung finally settled enough to lay in his bouncer, happy and bubbly. With now free hands this was perfect timing for his parents to clean up the kitchen while they still could, "I'm doing the dishes," Shotaro announced without room for negotiation, gathering their dirtied dishes to head towards the sink, "It's the least I could do after you did all that work. Time for you to sit down and relax," even though he enjoyed sitting, Shotaro had to do his share of chores. 

Sungchan considered Shotaro's offer, allowing himself a few minutes of free time, but then quickly decided against it. A few minutes wasn't worth it, "Or we could do the dishes together. It's always faster if there are two pairs of hands working at the same time," the sink was big enough for two people to stand there, Sungchan was sure of it. Shotaro squinted at Sungchan, considering the idea as well and was all too convinced by his boyfriend's beaming smile. Shotaro rolled his eyes but easily gave in and the two did the dishes together, shoulder to shoulder. It was ridiculous, but both enjoyed the few minutes just to themselves. 

"Okay Jisungie, it's your turn to eat," Shotaro cooed as he unbuckled and lifted Jisung from his bouncer, holding him upright on his chest for the moment before he would need to cradle him to feed, "I made you a nice warm bottle and you're going to love it, my baby," as if it wasn't the same formula he had eaten since the day he was born. Sungchan giggled to his side, sitting down on the couch right next to Shotaro as the older guided a bottle into Jisung's mouth. The baby knew the routine and instantly latched, the first few swallows and suckles so loud and adorable as he waved his arm not pressed into Shotaro's chest. It was evident he was happy, and it made both of his parents smile blindingly, "Looks like you were hungry, huh?"

"He just eats well," Sungchan mentioned, going quiet so he could watch his son struggle to find his peace so he could eat without issue. Watching babies figure things out was adorable. 

The two ogled at their son, their perfect little son as he ate his evening meal with such enthusiasm. Jisung usually looked around when eating, eyes tracking what was in his line of sight, but this time he was staring right at Sungchan who was close to Shotaro's side, head placed right on his boyfriend's shoulder. They both awed under their breaths, "He's perfect. How can he be so perfect?" Sungchan asked, gently reaching out and cupping Jisung's head, feeling his soft and thin hair tickle his palm. Jisung didn't mind the contact, too concerned with eating to care. 

"Good question," Shotaro responded, having found himself asking the same question often, "And he looks so much like you it's hard to believe sometimes," while still holding the bottle in place, Shotaro straightened out his index finger and lightly poked Jisung's chubby cheek, barely garnering a reaction out of him. It made him smile, "We made a little Sungchan."

"With your eyes," Sungchan corrected, admiring the shape of his son's eyes and how delicate they were, more angled than his own were. They were exactly Shotaro's, "And we did. Together." 

"Of course. It's so bizarre how our genetics can do that, but also pretty amazing. I did that. You helped but it was me who made him," which was also extremely bizarre, but incredible, "And I'll never resent that or regret the fact that I became his mother," becoming a mother had been difficult to come to terms with but it was so easy now and something he was immensely proud of. Jisung was one of his favorite people, "He's everything to me." 

Hearing those words coming from Shotaro had Sungchan's heart racing and singing in adoration for his boyfriend. The immense joy filling his chest was almost too intense; he needed to voice his joy or he would soon explode, "I love you so much. More than you'll ever know," he turned his head slowly and placed a kiss on Shotaro's neck, reveling in his comfort and the scent of his freshly used body wash. Glancing up from his spot he noticed the light tint of pink added to his tan cheeks, looking so pretty and soft. It had Sungchan’s stomach turning into knots and his brain working overload. He could never get enough of Osaki Shotaro.

It had taken them a decent amount of time before they first confessed that to each other, both so afraid to say it in case one or the other didn't feel the same. That kind of rejection was terrifying especially at their place in their relationship, but now here they were months later, and it was true. They did love each other, "I love you, too, Sungchan," Shotaro cooed, turning his head and placing a kiss on Sungchan's nose in return, "You've made me the happiest I've ever felt in my whole life." 

Wanting more connection after hearing Shotaro's honest and heartwarming confession, Sungchan straightened out so he was level with Shotaro and snuck a kiss on the mouth from his boyfriend, turning their stomachs happily with butterflies. Shotaro started to kiss back but their mutual happiness was too much to contain and what started as a kiss was now two smiles pressed together. It was horribly ridiculous but they were so happy, so where was the harm? Giggling under their breaths, the two separated to press their foreheads together and stare into each other's eyes, sparkling and heart shaped with an endless supply of love. 

"Thank you," Shotaro expressed his gratitude with a soft smile, not even sure what he was thanking Sungchan for exactly, but it felt right to do so in the moment, "So much."

Sungchan looked confused with a tilt of his head, smiling anyway, "Why are you thanking me, Taro hyung?" Sungchan snaked his arm behind Shotaro's back to keep him close, adding that extra support for his lower back. His hand rested so naturally on Shotaro's hip and his palm fit so perfectly, like it was made to stay there. 

Shotaro shrugged, careful not to jostle Jisung around since he was still eating so peacefully. He still had half of his formula left but if he was interrupted he would stop eating and his feeding schedule would be thrown off. That was never a good night for anyone, "You've been so patient with me, and so understanding when I struggle, and the most loving person and the best father. And you've taught me so much and I really wonder why I was ever so doubtful of you caring for me. You've lived up to every expectation I've ever wanted in a partner, and I want to live the rest of my life with you," Shotaro had thought that to himself many times, but never had he said it aloud. 

Sungchan's smile was beaming, his expression looking so proud and starstruck. There was nothing but love in his eyes and Shotaro was relieved to see him so delighted, "Completely understandable, but there is no need to thank me for all that I've done for you. I did all of that because I wanted to and because I love you, remember?" Sungchan leaned forward and very gently rubbed his nose against Shotaro's, turning heads so they rubbed together. Nose kisses always made Shotaro laugh, "I'm just glad we're where we are now, and I'm glad I have two beautiful boys to love," the smile Shotaro wore was speaking volumes to Sungchan's heart. He really had found the perfect man, "You're such a cutie pie."

Shotaro had to roll his eyes at that. 'Cutie pie' had been something Sungchan started when Shotaro was still pregnant, and it had stuck around since then. Sungchan claimed Shotaro had been undeniably cute with his round cheeks and how he glowed with so much beauty. He looked so beautiful when pregnant, and even now when he wasn't, he was just as beautiful. Sungchan always knew how cute Shotaro was, but pregnancy had just enhanced it. The small moniker had deeply embarrassed Shotaro at first, but now he was used to it, and secretly loved it because yes: he is a cutie pie and Sungchan always let him know it. 

"So are you," Shotaro returned, looking back down at Jisung who was now looking at him with wide and wondrous eyes, "And you too, little one," Jisung popped off the bottle nipple swiftly to flash a gummy smile at his mother, before turning his head and reattaching to finish his meal. He was so cute his parents could die. 

The rest of the evening was spent together, doing the usual tummy time, reading stories, playing with, and singing to Jisung, all while watching a movie together. Shotaro and Sungchan mostly talked about nothing in particular the entire run time, chiming in every now and then to comment on what they were 'watching' to either critique or applaud the dialogue or action. They had missed the majority of the plot but really they just needed it as background noise to fill the apartment. Quiet had become strange to them. 

And then eventually it was bath and bed time for Jisung, who went to sleep right on schedule and fell fast asleep in the safety of his swaddle blanket. Shotaro and Sungchan retired early to bed that night as fatigue set in, showering together before heading to bed together in their soft pajama sets. Laying down, Shotaro waited for Sungchan to lay down before crawling under the covers and laying on his boyfriend's chest, enjoying his warmth and the rhythm of his breathing. Sungchan assumed his position and wrapped one arm behind the older's back, using his index finger to trace patterns on the back of his neck. This had become a habit of his to comfort the both of them, and it was incredibly soothing when they had high anxiety or were feeling ill. Sungchan always took such care in touching Shotaro.

Shotaro was still awake by the time Sungchan had fallen unconscious. The steady rhythm of his breathing and slow beat of his heart was pacifying enough to lull Shotaro to sleep but he was too busy appreciating what his life had come to. He was happy and in a healthy relationship, and had a beautiful baby with the man he loved. It was mind-blowing to think about how different this all was compared to when he first arrived in Seoul and it was this thought that calmed him enough to fall asleep, content and feeling like he was on top of the world. To think he was so afraid before, now he had no reason to be afraid at all.