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Hoist up the Thing

Summary:

An AU of an already adorable fix-it AU

What if the little Assassins and Templars overshot their mark and ended up in their original respective times? Chaos happens, as cute kids be kids and uproot the lives of their original counterparts trying to get back to Desmond, timelines be damned.

For better or for worse, the kids in turn don’t realize how deeply they affect their counterparts. You don’t need to read “How Far We’ve Come” for this standalone AU.

Notes:

Disclaimer: The Assassin's Creed Universe and characters are a sandbox I'm playing in and I don't own any of it.

This fic has LOTS of kids being kids. The only way I can distinguish them from their adult forms is putting the word "little" before their names. I'll find a better solution but for now, we're stuck with it XD.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Masyaf

Altaïr stared at the lump moving around his bedding, not believing what his Eagle Vision is telling him. He gently put a hand on the blanket and pulled it to reveal a little boy maybe about one or two, staring at him and then giggling as he grabbed the blanket to cover his head. It was very adorable. 

Altaïr blinked and pulled the blanket out of the child’s reach. The baby pouted and tried to stand to get to it but he lost his balance. Altaïr quickly reached out to steady him. 

"Kadar?" Altaïr tried. Because this is who this is if his Eagle Vision was telling the truth and it has never failed him. Kadar Al-Sayf...as a baby. He scratched his head in confusion. Kadar gurgled happily and patted Altair's pauldrons. 

Altair's eyes widened and he quickly put the child down on the bed before he accidentally activated the hidden blade. Kadar made a face like he was about to cry. Loudly .

"Ah...no, no little one. You don't need to cry. I'll just take the blade off, see?" 

Kadar stopped to look at him in suspicion. Altair quickly removed his hidden blade strapped to his hand and as an afterthought, removed a lot of the weapons hidden around his torso. He then scooped up the child. Kadar immediately brightened up. He can see why Malik spoiled him when they were children.

Speaking of which, he turned to the other child hiding under the covers of his bed. He decided to be delicate with this one.

“Abbas?”

What was definitely a little Abbas Sofian was curled up next to Altair’s pillows. The child shook. Altair frowned. Was Abbas afraid of him?

“Abbas? Are you alright?”

The child peeked at Altair then hid again.

“Abbas-”

Someone slammed his door open and there was the adult Abbas Sofian dragging a teary-eyed child.

“I did not know you had the ability to be even crueler, Eagle of Masyaf” Abbas then gestured to the child. “This is a grave insult…”

“I’m telling the truth!” sobbed the boy. “My name is Altair! And you really have to talk with the older me or you’re going to…”

Altair stood up and reached out to Abbas. “Stop that, Abbas. You’re hurting the child”.

Abbas glared at him… then noticed the child hiding in the blankets, staring at him wide-eyed and then the baby in Altair’s arm. The baby made an “oh” with his mouth and then babbled and gestured to Abbas.

But before he could do anything, Malik and Kadar Al-Sayf enter with a child in the arms of Kadar.

The child in Kadar’s arms cleared their throat and said, “Boys. Enough”

Little Altair wiggled out of Abbas’s grasp and ran towards little Abbas. Little Kadar gestured a tiny pudgy hand toward the mystery child and said, “Ma!”

Little Altair gently led little Abbas, still covered in the blanket, in front of the Al-Sayf brothers. The mystery child hopped out of Kadar’s arms and stood in front of them.

“Maria…” the younger Altair said, “Um…”

“Why are you crying?”

The adults all looked at each other, really confused. Then all three boys pointed to the elder Abbas. Abbas sputtered, “W-what!?”

“Did you make my boys cry?” the child, apparently named Maria demanded.

“No!” he exclaimed. And then he said angrily, “And if I did, what does it matter to you!?”

The girl narrowed her eyes, baby Kadar said “Uh oh…”, little Abbas hid under the blanket again, and the younger Altair said, “Maria...no…”

Maria puffed up her chest and stomped over to Abbas, “Because I’m the eldest of my Coven and I don’t care if you’re an adult, or if you’re an older Abbas. You hurt my family, you pay”

She then gave the confused man a strong kick to his thigh, something that makes him lose his balance.

Kadar caught an outraged Abbas and Malik decided enough was enough. He sighed as he massaged the bridge of his nose.

“I think explanations are in order, yes?”

Italy

Ezio stared at the child whose arms were crossed in front of her. Then at the children behind her, then back at the child.

“Well?” demanded the miniature version of his sister. A little Claudia Auditore da Firenze is glaring at him and she was adorable. “Aren’t you going to feed us? We’re hungry!”

Ezio rubbed his eyes. His Eagle Vision must be malfunctioning.

“Am I seeing correctly? Do you all see this as well?” Ezio asked the adults with him.

Claudia, La Volpe, Machiavelli, and Leonardo all stare at the miniature versions of themselves running around. Claudia in particular is watching two of the children.

“Ezio…” she said breathlessly, “Look…”

Ezio glanced into the direction she was pointing at and stared in shock.

Miniature versions of their dead brothers were playing with the other children.

“Federico?” Ezio breathed. “Petruccio?”

The older Auditore brother stopped playing and when he saw Ezio, he grinned. He dragged Petruccio and a little boy Ezio realized with a start was a miniature him! Little Ezio was pouting. He swore he could hear Leonardo made a squeak of surprise.

Federico stood next to his little sister and faced the two adult versions of his siblings. He gave them both a smile that promised trouble.

Oh no…

“What is going on?” demanded Machiavelli. “Why? How?”

Little Claudia huffed. “Is it not obvious?” She snootily stated, “ We’re here to kill the Borgias”

There was a silence… then all the adults simultaneously screeched, “ WHAT !?”

 

The Americas

Haytham stared at the children in front of him. They stared at him back. They continued staring until Shay could not take it anymore.

“Children?”

Little Haytham put down the squirming little boy who ran towards a young girl. Haytham seemed to pale as he recognized the two girls.

“Jenny? Ziio?”

One of the girls sniffed, the other girl patted the toddler who was pouting.

Little Haytham turned to Shay and asked, “We are not complete. Where’s little Shay?”. Jenny hummed and said, “He probably is with the Assassins”.

Shay straightened in alarm.

 

----

 

“Liam, come look,” Hope said in wonder. She was kneeling in front of a desk.

“A little busy here, Hope” Liam answered helplessly. Two children were happily running circles around him.  They had introduced themselves as a little Hope Jensen and a little Liam O’ Brien and then proceeded to wreak havoc around the bureau.

Hope decided to throw caution to the wind and held out her hand to the child hiding under the desk.

“Shay? That is you, right Shay?”

She can’t help but smile seeing him as a child again. But little Shay looked terrified. Hope had to be careful.

“Shay-”

Liam crashed down next to her and she sighed. Liam hastily removed the ropes tied to him as little Hope and little Liam used his legs as a maypole. 

 

He then turned his head and goggled at little Shay. To her surprise, his face softened and he reached out an arm to the shaking child.

“Hi, Shay. It’s alright, you can come out. We promise we’ll protect you”

 

There was a beat, then Little Shay slowly crawled out of the desk. Hope and Liam thought their hearts would burst. He was so small! Were they always so small?

Little Shay stopped in front of them and looked up at Hope and then at Liam. He quietly asked, “Is Arno here? Is Desmond here?”

Both of them looked at each other. Hope shook her head. “No, we don’t even know who those are” she said apologetically. 

Shay looked down dejectedly, like he was about to cry.

Liam raised his hands, “Oh no no no, don’t worry we’ll find whoever they are”.

Little Hope runs up to them and pats little Shay’s head. “We can’t go back though. We have a mission!”

“And what is your mission, little Miss Jensen?” Achilles came in holding hands with a sheepish young man that looked like him. The two Assassins gawked at what is definitely a younger version of their Mentor.

Little Hope grinned and hopped up and down as she counted out the reasons on her fingers. “We’re here to stop you from hurting more people,” “What?” “Shay was telling the truth so stop playing with stuff you don’t know” “W-what??” “So that this Assassin Cell doesn’t get finished off by the Templars--” “WHAT!?” “And to make sure none of that happens---”

---

 

Haytham stared at his younger counterpart. “Can you repeat that?” he said calmly.

Little Haytham stared at him and nodded. “We were supposed to end up in 2012...but since we’re here,” he sighed and stared at the toddler trying to pull at ropes. “Connor, please...Since we’re here, I’m going to kill Reginald Birch”.



France

François-Thomas Germain stared at the little child following him with wide eyes, holding a little doll. The child stopped when he stops walking. Germaine kneeled and opened his arms and the child’s face brightened. The child ran toward him and Germaine lifted the little one.

Germain straightened and stood with the child in his arms. The child giggled and reached out to touch his other hand. Germaine allowed it to happen...and a barrage of information flashed in his mind.

Germain leaned heavily on a wall to catch his bearings. Then he looked down at the child. He smiled at him.

“Well, Petit Monsieur Arno. Shall we go and change the world?”



Unknown Era

The air shimmered as the magic of the Ancients subsided to reveal three children. One dark-skinned child with a mischievous smile is poking the guard on the ground, the one they accidentally landed on as they teleported in.

One of the children, dressed all in black and younger than the smirking boy, searched the area and frowned as she crouched. “Looks like they aren’t here---Arbaaz stop that! That’s mean. He’s not a target”

Arbaaz Mir was painting a mustache and a ring of mud around the man’s eyes. Arbaaz rolled his eyes, prank foiled.

“You’re no fun, Shao Jun,” Arbaaz pouted. But he stopped.

The little Han Chinese Mentor then turned to their last and youngest member, who was searching the downed guard.

The little boy’s face darkened considerably when he seemed to not find what he was looking for.

“Nikolai?”

Nikolai “Kolya” Orelov took the guard’s weapons and then hid them on his person. Then he took out the Piece of Eden he has and he scanned the area with his Eagle Vision. His companions did the same.

Nope, not here either. None of their family is here, Desmond, and most importantly, Daniel wasn’t here! It made the toddler very irritable indeed.

No matter. He looked down at his tamed Piece of Eden. They had all the time in the world to find them.

Chapter 2

Summary:

More Introductions to get the ball rolling.

Lots of shanties are sung.

Notes:

I HIGHLY recommend listening to the song in the first link while reading this chapter.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

West Indies; Nassau

“Edward? Edward!”

Edward Kenway woke up to find Mary- no, it’s James Kidd today- hovering over him, and then Edward is pulled off their bed and ushered out to the morning air where a crowd of pirates and his companion captains all gathered.

“What’s all this then?” Edward asked.

He was quickly shushed by the onlookers. Edward frowned and pushed forward. He scratched his head at the sight.

There was a gaggle of children- actual children - all whispering to each other on the pier. Then what looked like one of the older children turned to Edward, and he gave the older man a cheeky smile.

And Edward knew, as their eyes met, this is a little version of him. What is happening?

The children all began to make varying warbles and sounds.

“Kenway, what do you think? What do your eyes see?” muttered Edward Thatch. Edward scratched his head, “I don’t know what to say to you, Thatch. From where I’m standing….I’m looking at diminutive versions of us and our friends”.

“Really? How fascinating ,” James exclaimed. “I’d like to study this-”

“What are they doing though?” Benjamin Hornigold asked in confusion. His eyes tracked a particular gangly-looking boy next to little Edward holding hands with a little redhead girl that must have been little Anne Bonny.

Hush, all of ye’!” admonished Anne. “Is it not obvious? Little lads and lasses are harmonizing! They’re about to sing”

Little Edward cleared his throat, and the adults all fell silent. The children all gathered around him, the smaller ones at the front of the taller ones.

Little Edward took a deep breath and began with a clear voice:

 

Come me boys and heave with me

Let's get off this cursed sea

Let's be home to lovers and wives

And leave behind these four-hour lives

The adult's eyes all widened. Little James...no it looks like it’s a Little Mary stepped forward happily and answered Little Edward’s opening with: 

 

Come me boys and heave with me

The wind's my friend and my enemy

It carries me home, but it must be tamed

Everything lost or everything gained

 

The children all chant in different vocal ranges, “ Four hours-

Workin' on the swell ,” piped up little Anne.

Four hours”

Little Calico Jack answered with a “ Sloggin' in the rain

Four hours

Little Charles Vane sang reluctantly, “ Workin' to the bell

And the children all sing in harmony once again,

Then four hours

'Til it starts again” 

 

Edward isn’t sure who started it but the adults all clapped to the beat, a smile on their faces, charmed by the children. Little Ben, next to little Anne, stepped forward and turned to look at Ben. Ben frowned at this. Little Ben opened his mouth to quietly sing: 

 

Come me boys and heave with me

Got scabrous hands and bloody knees

But when the bell tolls, I'll go below

My hands will callous, and my strength will grow

 

The only dark-skinned child now stepped forward and sang with strength and joy that Edward has never seen Adewale in. Even Adewale was surprised by his little version’s courage and daring of singing about choosing a hard life at sea: 

 

Come me boys and heave away

Soaked and heavy heaving under the spray

Will I ever shed this salt on my brow?

Better the dust from under my plow

 

The children join their voices together, little Anne twirling her dress in time to the verse, to the delight of the older Anne and James. The little girl almost loses her balance but Jack and Ben quickly catch her. The children don’t stop singing, even little Anne, who was laughing. The littlest ones sing the first verse, two children join them in a different vocal range, a few more join in another range, and they all sing loudly at the last verse:

When I'm back in Bristol town

I'll buy my love a silken gown

We'll lie in each other’s arms and rest

Until that bell sounds in my chest”

 

The children once again harmonize now with the clapping and stomping and cheering of the adults, most of them joining in the final chorus with the children:

 

“Four hours

Workin' on the swell

Four hours

Sloggin' in the rain

Four hours

Workin' to the bell

Then four hours

'Til it starts again

 

The gathered adults give roaring applause to the little ones, some coming over to carry them on their shoulders. Their respective adults all rush to stop the madness and grab their respective children from the joyful mob. 

There was one child who has not joined the celebration, he was watching everything from the shadows. He then gave Edward a grin when he noticed Edward looking at him. Edward observed that this child was the eldest. The child caught Ben’s sleeve and then said something. Ben almost dropped little Ben in his shock. Interesting .

Edward looked up at the sky as the sun rose over the horizon. A new day has dawned over them.

----

Over the waters, far away, Grandmaster Laureano de Torres y Ayala smiled at the child hiding from him.

The boy glared at the adults surrounding him and refused to come out.

Torres turned to the other boy behind him, arms crossed haughtily over his chest.

“I see now you are telling the truth, young Master Roberts. I would know the Mentor Ah Tabai’s eyes anywhere”

The little Mentor’s eyes widened, and then the child pushed himself deeper into the little alcove he holed in. 

The young Sage nodded his head. “As long as you keep me and him safe, we have a deal. I’ll give you a vial of my blood. But I want to meet my older self-” and then the child stared at the Grandmaster, and the child sighed. “I’ll also tell you everything that will happen from now on. Up to you if you’ll change or not. And I’m only telling you this because you’re one of the more decent Templars…”

He side-eyed Tiburon and then shugged. Apparently, the boy didn’t deem Tiburon a threat. That was something to note. Torres nodded to Tiburon in a silent gesture. The giant strode forward and grabbed little Ah Tabai. The child thrashed and screamed as he is carried by the man. Torres walked forward and reached out to put a hand over the boy’s head to soothe him. Little Ah Tabai stopped and sniffed, eyes wide. Torres smiled at the boy, but when he spoke, he was speaking to the young Sage. “I give my word as the Grand Master of the West Indies Rite”

Roberts' mouth has flattened into a thin line seeing little Ah Tabai stressed. “Then I will tell you as much as I know as a Sage. You won’t like it. I don’t expect you to, but you will need to make an alliance with the Assassins to save the world”

Torres' eyes snapped toward the Sage. “Let’s get inside, and you will tell me everything”



England

“Evie? Evie! I think you and Greenie should see this”

Jacob Frye knocked on the door of his sister’s cabin, waited, and then just barged in. He was relieved Henry and Evie weren’t handsy with each other. Well, to be fair, his sister gives him and Henry personal time with each other when they want it.

Henry was pouring over papers, while Evie was reading a book. Jacob grinned at how domestic it was.

“I need both your expertise, please come over to the next car”

Henry straightened up and tilted his head at Jacob. “Say we want to humor you. What kind of mess do you have waiting for us?”

Jacob sniffed. “You should come over to see it then. This one isn’t my fault,” Jacob paused then added, “Hurry, Ned won’t be able to hold their attention for long”.

Evie sighed, snapping her book shut. “Alright. Let’s get this over with”

 

---

 

There is a young boy, about eight years of age, surrounded by two little boys and a little girl. Ned Wynert was watching them in fascination. 

He turned to the three Assassins and made a quiet gesture with his hand. The eight-year-old boy was singing to the little ones.

Jacob nudged Evie and then tapped the side of one of his eyes. Evie nodded and activated her Eagle Vision. Then she startled. 

The boy singing was a little Grand Master of the English Rites, Crawford Starrick! And the children he was singing to are a little Ned Wynert and the twins! And they were glowing gold.

“Jacob,” Evie said breathlessly. “How is this possible?”

Jacob raised an eyebrow, “You’re asking me when I came to you for answers?”

Evie made a face at her brother. “How in the world can I explain a little version of the Grand Master of the Templars here singing to little us and Ned?”

Henry snapped his attention to them, “Wh-what? What do you mean?”

Ned shushed them once again, “Keep quiet, let him finish his song”

Little Crawford is finishing his catchy little song, the little ones are happily swaying in time to the beat;

 

Four hours

Haulin' on the sheets

Four hours

Keepin' our feet

Four hours

Wrap me in the shroud

And four hours

Lay me in the ground ” 

 

“What a sad song,” Ned commented after the children finished clapping. They all turn and realized they have an adult audience. Little Crawford tilted his head and nodded, “It’s a shanty about repeatedly working on a boat day after day until your dying breath. It isn’t a song that will be sung until...until far off in the future”.  The little ones all run to the adults and begin hopping up and down, greeting them.

Jacob laughed as he stopped one of the children, delighted to find out it was little Evie. She was tugging at his arm, and saying, “Come sit and sing with us! Sing with Crawford!”. Jacob could see his sister and his little counterpart staring at each other in awe.

Little Crawford shook his head and stood. “I’m sorry but you’re supposed to be napping. I said one song and then you all promised”

Little Evie took Jacob’s hand and shook it. “But….But we can’t sleep! One more song, please?”. The child then made a face Evie would never make. She widened her eyes and pouted. Jacob, Henry, and Ned all carefully do not react. It was very adorable.

Little Crawford turned to Henry wordlessly, a plea in his facial features. This made Henry chuckle.

“Let’s allow one more song, then you nap. Deal?”

Little Crawford sighed, the other kids cheered. Crawford then walked closer to the three Assassins. The adults all stiffen, not knowing how to react.

“Do you want to know where Little Henry and the others are?”

Evie narrowed her eyes. “Where are they?” then she paused, “Who are ‘they’?”

Little Crawford then smiled in a huff. “I’m right here and my friends who are miniature versions of you are here...logically Henry would be with the little versions of--”

“The Templars” Henry whispered faintly, “I’m--the little version of me are with the Templars”. 


Evie would have been angry but Little Crawford chuckled and said, “Knowing him, he would be doing the same thing for the others. He’s very dependable that way. We worry about him a lot”

Little Crawford turned away from the confused adults and returned to the other kids. He sat down in the middle of the cart and the kids once again surround him. Henry had a hand over his mouth, deep in thought about what Little Crawford revealed. Jacob and Ned looked at each other, shrugged, and joined the little circle on the floor. Evie decided questions could be asked later and settled on a chair.

“What song do you want?”, Little Crawford asked.

“It’s my turn to choose! I want one about the big duck!” Little Evie demanded. Evie and Jacob looked at each other. Blinked. And then simultaneously turned to squint at little Evie.

Little Crawford looked put upon, “Again, Evie?”

“Yes! Jacob and Ned likes it too!”

Said boys stealthily shook their head, then when Little Evie turned to them they quickly nod their heads. Henry coughed to hide his laugh.

Little Crawford sighed. “Okay. I’ll do it. It’s a long song though. I bet you chose it for that”

Little Evie bounced up and down in her seat, almost losing her balance but Jacob catches her on time. The little girl giggled and balanced herself on Jacob.

Ned lightly leaned his arms on the head of his little counterpart, the boy pouted. Ned gave little Crawford an encouraging smile and said, “If it helps, we’ll sing with you”.

Little Crawford nodded as thanks, took a breath, and began;



After fourteen years I left the sea, for a life upon a lake

After all the storms I'd seen, I needed a good break

I thought still waters would mean peace for me

But that was a mistake

For the place I chose was bedeviled by a giant, evil drake--”



Unknown Era


The three little Master Assassins land in the middle of a barn, surrounded by beautiful countryside. It was the middle of the day.

“Not here either,” sighed Shao Jun. Arbaaz shrugged, “At least we found a place where we could find something to eat”. The Indian Assassin casually walked around the barn and towards the garden.

Shao Jun looked around, to find the Russian toddler staring at a coop.

“Nikolai?”

The toddler said nothing. Shao Jun’s curiosity got the better of her, so she peeked at what Nikolai was staring at.

There was an empty nest, and scattered around the nest are eggshells except one intact egg hidden under the mess of the eggshells and straw. It was slightly moving.

“What’re you both looking at?” Arbaaz peeks over Nikolai’s other shoulder. He was carrying stolen vegetables. Shao Jun and Nikolai look at him, Arbaaz gave them a cheeky grin.

Nikolai huffed and then gently picked up the egg. The toddler carefully cradled the egg then turned to walk away. Shao Jun and Arbaaz looked at each other and shrugged.

Arbaaz began to store the vegetables he took around his person. Nikolai stopped in front of a rake and had tilted his head contemplating it.

Shao Jun sighed. She knew what Nikolai was planning. The toddler picked up the stick part of the rake, pulled it toward him, then slowly stored it in his personal bag of holding. As an afterthought, the toddler picked up more garden materials, to the approval of the others, and stored it in his infinity bag. He also picked up a little box, filled it with a cloth, and stored the egg under its covers.

The toddler huffed, the other two Assassins gather around the little Assassin. Shao Jun uses her piece of Eden, and the three kids disappear.

A little later, the farmer comes out and is confused at finding out his gardening tools missing from their village’s community garden. Good thing they have spares. 

Notes:

Yay! If it's not obvious, The Longest Johns are once again my muses for my fics. The West Indies children are the bard class of the different groups of children/coven. They will sing as support.

The Industrial Era children will be the one with the dramatic stories. Mostly. They're still REALLY cute.

I am going to slowly post pieces of the Moby Duck song (also by The Longest Johns from the Cures What Ails Ya Album) throughout the fic and you'll all realize why and it will be stupid and glorious.

Notes:

Hoist up the thing!
Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning?
Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control!
-"Hoist Up the Thing" The Longest Johns, Cures What Ails Ya 2020

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