Work Text:
Louis was mostly ok. He had a great social life, great friends and a job that he loved. He earned enough money to live comfortably and his flat was decent. Most days he could put the past behind him, keep it hidden in the little corner of his brain that he doesn’t use very often and function like a normal, happy human being. But every so often that little part of his brain decided it wanted to stop hiding for a bit, it wanted to be heard and when that happened Louis was powerless to stop it. Those were the times when the violent stab of loneliness reared its ugly head, when the air he breathed felt like needles in his chest and the drink he sipped felt like razor blades down his throat. Today was one of those times. He was at the pub with Liam and Zayn enjoying a few pints after work on a Friday night laughing about how Liam had managed to embarrass himself in front of his latest girlfriend when it hit. It was unexpected, sudden and brutal and Louis was wholly unprepared. Sometimes he could feel it coming on, like when he was somewhere that he had been before that held fond memories, or he smelt something that reminded him of lazy sunday dinners or when tv shows came on that they used to watch together. That loneliness was seeping and slow, creeping it’s way through his heart inch by inch, painful but manageable. This time it was all consuming, the worst it had been in a long while and Louis had no idea what set it off. The background noise from the rowdy pub faded, Louis’ vision swam and although he tried to breathe his way through it, he couldn’t inhale without feeling a stabbing in his chest.
“Louis?”
Louis looked up to find Liam leaning over the small table, his concerned puppy dog eyes boring into his own. Louis felt a warm hand on his shoulder and realised it was Liam’s who was reaching across the table. The hand felt grounding.
“Louis, are you ok? We kind of lost you for a bit there and you don’t look so good”
“I-“ stammered Louis
Louis looked from Liam to Zayn trying to get some words out, but there was no breath left in his body.
Zayn jumped up from his chair and rushed over to rub a hand up and down his back murmuring comforting words that Louis couldn’t make out.
Slowly the jumbled sounds started to make more sense
“Louis, are you going to be sick? you’re all clammy.”
Louis knew he wasn’t going to be sick, yet he couldn’t admit to his friends what had caused the episode knowing full well they were tired of hearing him whine about his failed relationship, and quite frankly he was sick of seeing the pity in their eyes. Louis hated pity. But the truth was ever since that fateful June night Louis had been living with a gaping hole in his heart, it’s missing piece held firmly in the hand of his ex boyfriend Harry. Louis had spent months trying to patch that hole, haphazardly stitching it together piece by painful piece, but Louis knew deep down that it would never fully be fixed. And tonight for some indiscernible reason those shoddy stitches decided to fail, ripping his heart open and bleeding all through his chest.
“Maybe i’m coming down with something” Louis finally got out.
Liam felt his forehead “you are a little warm. Maybe you should go home and lie down?”
“Yeah” Louis sighed.
“I’ll walk you” Zayn said gathering his coat
“NO!” Louis yelled a little too loudly. He needed to be alone to wallow in his loneliness and he needed it now “No” he said again a bit less manic. “I’ll be fine. you guys continue on. I’ll see you tomorrow”
Zayn looked on sceptically
“I dunno Lou. I think you need someone to help you home. you look like shit”
“Thanks for the boost in confidence Z” Louis said with a tiny smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll be fine. Just feeling a little under the weather. I’ll text you when I get home, it’s only a few blocks away anyway. ”
Both Liam and Zayn were looking at him with little frowns on their faces
“I’ll be fine” Louis said again, drawing out the i and rolling his eyes.
Louis stood up, elbowing Zayn out of the way so he could grab his coat off the chair next to him and put it on. He felt a little woozy, his hands were shaking and his breathing was shallow but Louis hid it well from his friends.
“Are you sure you’re going to be ok Lou?” Liam asked again. “I don’t mind walking with you”
“Liam, stop worrying. I’m just a bit tired or something. I’ll be fine” Louis tried to sound as normal as possible despite the emotional war raging inside him
“OK, just make sure you text when you get home or I’m coming to look for you” Liam said.
“Yes mum” Louis saluted, turned his back on his friends and walked out of the pub.
The cool February night air felt like heaven on his face, and Louis felt he could breathe a little easier. He scrubbed his hands over his face and muttered under his breath “You are losing it Tomlinson. Get your shit together” He looked up to the dark sky and took a deep breath. “fuck” he swore as he shook his head ”definitely fucking losing it” Louis fumbled in his coat pocket searching for his cigarette packet and lighter. He finally found them in the inner pocket and he sighed in relied as he pulled out a slightly crumpled cigarette with his shaking hands. He struggled to light it but once he did the nicotine hit slightly calmed his mind. A few hits later, Louis felt stable enough to start the trip home. Half a block in and Louis realised that home the last place he wanted to go. Home held too many memories and he couldn’t deal with that they way he was feeling at the moment, so he turned and walked two blocks in the opposite direction. Once there, he pulled out his phone from his back pocket and sent Liam a text to say he was home. A text popped up seconds later.
L: good to hear mate. Sleep well and hope you feel better tomorrow.
Louis repocketed his phone and began aimlessly wandering the streets of London, chain smoking cigarette after cigarette. His mind inevitably drifted back to the night that Harry walked out.
Louis had come home from work to find Harry at his place, cooking up something that smelled delicious. There was nothing Louis loved more than coming home and seeing Harry being all domestic in his kitchen, but these days it was a rare sight. The key Louis had given Harry was being used less and less often and Harry was becoming more and more distant. They were going through a rough patch that was lasting longer than any other rough patch had. It felt bad, it felt really bad and if Louis was being honest it felt like he was losing him, but Louis wasn’t honest, he was in denial - huge denial - so he didn’t talk about it, he decided if he ignored it, it would just go away. So, he was hopeful when he saw Harry there that night that maybe this was the beginning of things getting better. Louis smiled as he dumped his keys on the table near the door, toed off his shoes and dropped his bag on the floor. He sniffed the air and said “something smells delicious” as he walked through to the kitchen. Harry turned to look at him and Louis was momentarily startled by the look on his face. His features were strained and he was a bit pale, but he quickly schooled his face into something more pleasant. He smiled at Louis, but Louis noticed it did not reach his eyes. Louis wandered over to give Harry a peck on the lips, but before he could get there Harry turned his back and continued stirring whatever he was making. Louis stood there stunned, staring at the tense line of Harry’s back with silence filling the kitchen.
“Dinner will be ready in a second” Harry said
“Great” Louis said cheerily, trying to ease some of the tension. Harry just nodded and continued staring intently at the pot.
Louis noticed an open bottle of red on the table and that Harry had a near empty glass sitting next to the stove so he picked up the bottle, wandering over to refill Harry’s glass before getting his own out of the cupboard and pouring a generous amount into it. “Thanks” Harry mumbled, still not looking at Louis. Something was off. Louis took a long sip of wine.
“I’ll just go and get changed quickly before dinner if that’s ok?” he said placing his glass on the table. Harry nodded “Sure” Louis stared at Harrys back for a second before he wandered off to the bedroom, unease growing stronger in his chest. Something was definitely off but he couldn’t place what it was. He shrugged his concern off and concentrated instead on getting out of his work clothes and into some tracksuit pants and a comfy old t-shirt which may or may not have been one of Harry’s.
He wandered back into the kitchen to find Harry serving up the dinner.
“Soooo, How was your day?” Louis asked
“Alright” Harry replied. “Yours?”
“Yeah, good” Louis replied. “Someone ate Ollies lunch from the fridge today. He was so angry, he had a full on tantrum. It was hilarious”
No response. Louis frowned.
Louis could feel the tension radiating off Harry. The air was thick with it making it difficult to breathe
“Dinner smells delicious” Louis said conversationally trying to break some of the tension stifling the kitchen.
Hmmmm” Harry murmured picking up his wine glass and taking a huge sip.
Harry sat down and Louis followed suit, unease filling every part of his body.
He watched Harry push is food around the plate, nibbling on a piece of pasta every so often, but not really eating and listened to the silence. This was not the comfortable silence that they often have. This was awkward silence. Tension filled silence. Ominous silence.
Louis got half way through his dinner before he couldn’t stand it any more.
“Everything ok H?” Louis asked, much more calmly than he felt
“Yeah” Harry said, eyes never leaving the plate in front of him.
Silence.
“Harry”
Silence
“Harry, look at me” Louis said quietly
Harry continued to stare at his plate.
“Harry?” Louis said a bit more firmly
Harry sighed and looked up. Louis waited, staring at Harry, but Harry was offering nothing
“Harry, you are starting to scare me now. What’s wrong?” Louis asked
Silence
“Harry?”
Louis reached forward so he could place his hand on Harry’s arm. As soon as there was contact, Harry flinched. Louis dropped his hand to the table shocked.
“Harry. You need to say something, you are scaring me” Louis tried again
Silence
“Harry?”
“I can’t do this” whispered Harry
“Can’t do what” Louis asked confused
“This” said Harry gesturing between them
“U-Us?” squeaked Louis
Harry nodded
Louis’ vision swam and he dropped his fork noisily to the table. Harry looked down at his plate again.
“You can’t do us?” Louis whispered petrified
“What does that mean?” Louis managed to get out
He knew they were having problems, but he had no idea that it was this far gone - or more to the point, he knew it was pretty far gone but he spent a lot of time convincing himself it wasn’t this far gone, just so he could get through the day and ease his guilt of knowing he was somehow ruining this once perfect relationship.
“We’re hurting each other too much Louis. You’re hurting me too much and I...I feel like i’m drowning,”
“Harry, it’s not that bad” Louis said dismissively while waving his hand in the air. “We are just having a bit of a rough patch”
“A bit of a rough patch?” Harry said incredulously eyes briefly flicking up from his plate. He scraped his chair back and stood clumsily, making his way over to the bin to scrape his uneaten dinner into it. “Louis, its been like this for months and there are no signs of it getting any better. We’re strangers” he said as he dumped his plate into the dishwasher
“We’re not strangers ” Louis scoffed standing up
“We are Louis. We barely talk anymore. We don’t touch. We don’t have sex anymore. We barely see each other.”
“We’re just busy Harry” Louis said making his way over to Harry
“No Louis. We’ve been busy before and we always managed to find time for each other” he said turning around to lean on the bench.
“Well, we’ll find time. we’ll make more of an effort. Please.... “
“I can’t breathe anymore” Harry whispered, eyes focussed on the floor.
“What?” Louis asked
“I can’t breathe anymore Louis” Harry says more firmly. “I’m suffocating and you don’t even see it”
“Harry, c’mon” Louis said placating.
“No Louis. I can’t keep doing this. It’s tearing me apart and i’m afraid if I stay, there won’t me any of me left other than a mess of broken parts. I can’t give you anymore Louis, I have to go” Harry said
“You have to go?” Louis says incredulous, slight panic making his voice rise an octave. “Just for tonight, or for good?”
Silence
“Harry...for good?”
Harry nodded infinitesimally
“what the fuck” Louis screeched. Harry crossed his arms over his chest, making himself as small as possible.
“You’re just walking the fuck out? You’re just going to give up because we are too hard? What the fuck Harry? have you decided we are not worth fighting for?” Louis said incredulously
“I’m done fighting Louis. I’m just so tired. I need to stop” Harry said quietly
“You haven’t fought at all Harry” Louis argued angrily “You are giving up and walking out like a coward”
Harry’s eyes lifted from the floor and bore into Louis’. Louis was momentarily taken aback at how cold they were.
“Don’t you call me a coward Louis” he said, ice dripping from the words “I tried. I tried so hard, but you never took our problems seriously. You just ignored them all. Every time I tried to bring it up you dismissed it, just like you’re doing now”
“You never once talked to me and told me how you were feeling Harry” Louis voice was rising. Anger had fully taken over the shock .
“I tried Louis, i tried so many times but you just didn’t listen. I can’t keep doing that. I can’t do it on my own, I needed you to try too and you weren’t trying, you aren’t trying. It’s like you think we aren’t worth enough for you to try”
Louis was finally starting to comprehend the seriousness of what Harry was saying.
“I do try Harry” Louis said unconvincingly but both of them knew it was a lie “I love you so much, please, let’s fix this” Louis begged tears starting to fill his eyes.
Harry shook his head. “ I can’t Louis. I can’t keep living like this. You’re miserable. I’m miserable. I love you, but I can’t do this”
“Please Harry, let’s just talk this out. I’m sorry I didn’t see how much you were hurting, and I know that things aren’t perfect, but we can fix it. Please, just stay love. We can fix it” Louis begged as he stepped forward to reach out for Harry. Harry quickly stepped to the side and moved out of his reach
“No Louis”
“Harry, please. I love you with everything I have. We can fix this, just give us a chance” Louis said.
“I can’t...we are so broken, and I just can’t see us getting past it, i don’t know how to get past it” Harry said as the tears started to fall
Louis breathing turned erratic and he gripped his hand over his heart fearing it was going to burst out of his chest and land splattered and broken on the floor at Harry’s feet. His eyes swam with tears and his throat constricted painfully. God, he was going to die right here on the kitchen floor. But anger and grief surged out of the mess of his broken heart and Louis lashed out
“Well, fuck you then Harry. Fuck you. Be the fucking coward and walk the fuck out on everything we’ve built. Throw it all away like it was nothing” Louis spat back angrily.
“I’m sorry” Harry whispered brokenly, now sobbing openly
“No Harry. If you were sorry you wouldn’t be walking out” said Louis, suddenly exhausted.
“I’m so sorry” Harry said again. “I have to go. I have to do this”
Louis looked at Harry’s crumpled features and watched his body shake with the sobs that he was unable to keep in. His heart softened.
“Harry...love...” Louis said softly reaching out for Harry again
Harry quickly ducked out of reach with panicky movements. He held his hand out to keep Louis at bay
“No” he sobbed. “I have to go” he said tears streaming down his face. Harry stumbled over to get his keys and phone from the side bench. He picked them up and turned to Louis once more. “I’m really am so sorry Louis” he said before walking out of the kitchen
“fuck you Harry” Louis spat just before Harry reached the doorway. Harry’s steps momentarily faltered before he continued on, quietly leaving through the front door
Louis stood there stunned for a second before his whole world shattered and he crumpled to the floor and sobbed uncontrollably for hours.
————————-
Zayn and Liam were there for the aftermath of the breakup and it was messy. Really really messy. Louis had barely survived, darkness covered his heart, the stabbing pain in his chest a constant reminder of all that he had lost. For the first week after the break up he didn’t leave the house, didn’t eat, didn’t shower, didn’t sleep and barely moved from his nest of blankets he had made in his bed. Shock and devastation filling every single cell of his body. By week two, Liam and Zayn had dragged him out of bed, dumped him in the shower and made him eat, before marching him off to work where he spent most of the day staring at his phone willing it to ring. By week three, Louis was managing to get himself to work, but everything felt two dimensional. He was only going through the motions, not really engaging, just hoping with everything he had that Harry was going to walk back through the door and say he was wrong and he wanted Louis back. Weeks four to seven had Liam and Zayn dragging him out to the pub to try to cheer him up but more often than not it ended in tears and once it ended in a drunken call to Harry’s voicemail, Louis rambling on about how much he missed Harry before getting angry and yelling at him for leaving - which he instantly regretted. By week eight, Liam and Zayn had started telling Louis to pull himself out of this funk and get over it, which ended in a huge fight. By week nine, Louis felt guilty for yelling at his friends who were only trying to help. By week ten he apologised and promised them that he would try harder. By week eleven, even though he was still overwhelmed with sadness he never admitted it again. He just tried not to think of it , because he felt that if he started thinking about it, that’s all he would ever think of again. He made his friends believe that he was getting better and he tried to make himself believe it too. Truth is, eight months later Louis is still not better, he has just gotten better at hiding the pain. He was hoping that time would heal his broken heart, but time was being a bitch and not playing along. His heart was just as broken as it was the day the love of his life left him like he meant nothing.
— ——— -
Louis woke to a text from Zayn the next morning. He had walked the streets of London for hours before finally heading home and falling into an exhausted sleep. Louis opened his bleary eyes and tried to focus on the too bright screen of the phone.
Z:hope you are feeling better. r u up for lunch? wanna try a new place?
Lunch was the last thing that he wanted to do. He was emotionally exhausted after yesterday’s little episode but he didn’t want Zayn to worry so he found himself texting back
L:feeling much better. lunch would be great
Zayn sent him the address of the new place he wanted to try and Louis sighed when he looked it up and realised it was practically on the other side of London. Bloody Zayn, Louis huffed. He hauled himself out of bed and into the shower. The warm water helped wake him up and by the time he was dressed he was actually feeling almost human and quite hungry.
At 12:43 Louis walked into the cafe, thirteen minutes late. Zayn of course was already there waiting at a small table near the window. Louis stalked over a bit grumpy after spending far too much time on the tube. He greeted Zayn with “fucking hell Zayn, could this place be any further away?”
Zayn looked up and smirked. “Well, I heard the food was delicious”
“Delicious food does not warrant a 45 minute tube ride” Louis complained as he pulled out the chair and sat down
“Let’s see what you say about that after you’ve tried it” Zayn said
Louis looked around and noticed that the place was big, yet cosy. Most of the tables were occupied and the light hum of conversations carried over the softly playing music. They were in a hipster part of town and the place suited the area, eclectic and warm. Louis idly thought that this was a place Harry would have loved to come, but he shut that down quickly. He could not think of Harry again today.
“So, how are you feeling?” Zayn asked
“Better” said Louis. “Must have just been the heat of the pub or something”
“Riiiiight” said Zayn. His knowing eyes searching Louis face
Louis looked down at the menu
“So, what’s good” he asked changing the subject. Thankfully, Zayn allowed him to.
“Well, i heard the burgers are brilliant”
“A burger it is then” Louis said cheerfully, snapping the menu shut.
They spent their time chatting about work, the latest things they were watching on netflix, Zayn’s newest favourite thing to paint and how delicious the burgers were. By the end Louis was feeling much better. When they stood to leave they were in the middle of a healthy debate over which type of chips were superior, fat or thin as they made their way through the maze of tables to the door.
“Thin fries are the biz Zayn” Louis said “The little thin crunchy ones are so so much better than those big thick ones”
“Size matters” Zayn smirked “thick is always better” he said with a waggle of his eyebrows
Louis opened the door then stepped back, holding it open to allow a new customer to come in. He looked back at Zayn who was behind him and snorted. “I didn’t think you liked dick Zayn”
Zayn cackled and Louis sniggered just as the new customer walked past
“Louis?” said the customer in a deep rumbly voice
Louis froze. He would know that fucking voice anywhere. His head snapped around and he found himself staring at the one and only Harry Styles in all of his stunningly beautiful glory.
——————
“Harry” Louis squeaked. He winced, cursing his voice for not being cool and collected.
“Hi Louis” Harry smiled as he peered over Louis’ shoulder “Hi Zayn”
“Harry” Zayn said coldly
Harry shuffled his feet and cleared his throat
“It’s nice to see you Louis. How have you been?”
Louis was incredulous. How the fuck does he think he’s been? Broken, lost, angry, sad, missing you like a limb...
“Fine” he said instead, pleased his voice was a little more calm “Nice to see you too Harry” his name felt foreign on his tongue and his voice felt strained.
“Are you on your way out?” Harry asked
“Yeah” Louis said
“Oh, that’s a shame. I am meeting Niall here in a minute. If you’ve got a bit more time to spare you could join us if you like? You too Zayn” said Harry looking back at Zayn
“We’re busy” Zayn said coldly
“Oh, of course” Harry said shifting his eyes back to Louis, briefly flicking down Louis’ body and back up to his eyes.
Louis felt his cheeks warm and he looked down at the floor hoping Harry didn’t see the flush. Fucking hell, thought Louis. He should be angry at Harry, not flushing like a teenager whose crush has noticed them. Get a god damn grip Louis he mentally chastised himself.
Louis cleared his throat and shuffled his feet “Well, it was good to see you Harry....” he said raising his eyes to Harry’s and was momentarily startled by the tiny flash of heat he saw there. He cleared his throat again “but we have to go” Louis said glancing at his wrist to check the time only to realise he didn’t have a watch on. He mentally facepalmed himself and felt his cheeks flush even more.
“Oh, OK” said Harry frowning slightly. Louis looked back at Harry and was struck with the overwhelming need to smooth the frown out with his thumb. He curled his hands into fists by his side to stop himself from reaching out.
“Maybe some other time then” Harry said as they unwittingly locked eyes for a second. Louis felt a little bubble start to enclose them, the background noise fading away. Harry’s eyes were mesmerising and warm, so much warmer than the last time he saw them. God he missed those eyes. Louis took a breath in and was shocked to feel his heart start to beat properly for the first time in eight months. A tiny smile appeared on Harry’s lips, the left side lifting slightly higher than the right, causing the ghost of a dimple to appear. Louis was weak for that dimple. He gave a small close lipped smile back before dropping his eyes to the floor.
“Well, Bye Harry” Zayn said loudly pulling at Louis’ hand effectively popping their bubble. “we’ve gotta go” he said pushing past Harry and dragging Louis through the door.
————————
“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” Zayn yelled
“What?” Louis asked
“That...that....flirting?”
“FLIRTING” Louis shrieked. “We were not flirting!”
Zayn scoffed
“Louis you were ready to jump his bones right there in the doorway and he wasn’t too far off either”
“That’s bullshit Zayn. We were just talking”
“Talking, flirting, potato potahto”
“Fuck off Zayn” Louis said shoving his shoulder
“Louis, there was so much sexual tension that I felt like i was intruding” he said as they walked towards the tube station
Louis had thought that he had imagined the heat in Harry’s gaze, but now he wasn’t so sure.
“Fuck” said Louis pulling out his cigarette packet. Zayn reached into his own pocket and found a lighter handing it to Louis. Louis took it gratefully and lit two cigarettes, handing one over to Zayn.
“There can’t be anything there Zayn” Louis said panicky drawing the smoke into his lungs “There’s no way there was anything there. He left me remember? He probably can’t even stand the sight of me.”
“Oh I remember Louis, but there’s no denying he was pleased to see you”
“He hates me Zayn” Louis repeated shaking his head.
“I’m just telling you like it is Lou. There was no hate there”
“Well, that’s besides the point” Louis said haughtily ”I wouldn’t go there even if he asked, I’m not making that mistake again. He’s not getting a second chance after what he did. He broke my fucking heart Zayn and I’m not putting myself back into that situation for it all to happen over again when he decides it’s all too hard”
Zayn slung his arm around Louis shoulder “Good for you. I don’t want to see you go through that again. You deserve to be happy Louis and he wasn’t making you happy”
“Hmmm” Louis said quietly. They had reached the tube stop where they had to part ways, both of them living on a different line.
Zayn ground out what was left of his cigarette and gave Louis a quick hug “Are you ok Lou?”
“I’m fine Zayn. I’m over him remember?”
“Yeah” Zayn said “I remember” but Louis got the feeling Zayn knew more than he was letting on
“Well, I’ll see you next week?” Zayn asked
“Yeah” said Louis distractedly “Next week”
“See ya Lou, don’t let him get under your skin again” Zayn yelled as he rushed off to catch his train that was approaching the adjoining platform
Louis waved dismissively but didn’t reply
The 45 minute tube ride home was hell. No matter how hard Louis tried he couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. Seeing him standing in front of him after all this time was too much. He spent the whole ride home going over all the little details of Harry’s face, his body, his clothes, the flash of heat in his eyes, his low rumbling voice that he thought he’d never hear again, the fucking dimple. By the time he got home, he was more than a little worked up. He bounded up the stairs, shoved the key in his door and pushed his way inside, flinging the front door closed behind him. His back slammed against the door as he shoved his hand down his pants, coming an embarrassingly short time later with Harry’s name on his lips.
———————
Louis woke the next day drained. He’d had a fitful nights sleep, his thoughts fluctuating between guilt over pleasuring himself while thinking of Harry and wanting to do it again. Louis was sure he was losing it, how could a thirty second conversation have such an effect on him? He forced Harry to the back of his mind and got up to start his morning routine. Finished with his shower, he wandered into the kitchen in tracksuit pants and an old t-shirt, his hair still dripping slightly from the shower. He planned to spend his sunday on the couch watching crappy movies and eating junk food. While waiting for the kettle to boil Louis searched for his phone. He wished he always left it in the same place so he could find it but unfortunately he wasn’t that person and he cursed himself about that fact now. He finally found it hiding under a cushion on the couch. He picked it up and saw a few messages. One from his mum, one from Lottie and one from Harry. Wait, What? One from Harry?
Louis stared at the screen until his eyes blurred. What the actual fuck? why would Harry be messaging him. Louis took a deep breath and opened the message.
hey louis. i hope this is still your number.( if not, sorry to whoever owns this phone!). i was wondering if we could meet up for coffee today? text me back if you want to. it’s harry by the way in case you deleted my number. H xx
Louis found himself smiling fondly at the phone until the screen suddenly went black. Fuck. Louis tapped the screen but his phone was dead. He rushed into the kitchen to find his charger and with shaking hands he plugged the phone in. The screen remained stubbornly black for far too many seconds before finally switching to the battery picture. Two very long minutes later the phone finally came back to life. Louis opened his messages fearing Harry’s was all a dream, however it was still there staring at him in black and white.
Louis reread the message over and over until it was committed to memory, but he still couldn’t answer the question. Did he want to meet up with Harry? He knew he shouldn’t. Harry had hurt him beyond belief and he wasn’t sure his heart could handle another rejection so logically he knew he should say no. He should protect himself and stay well away from Harry, but another part of him was curious. What did he want? Was Zayn right, was Harry happy to see him? What would Harry say to him?
“No” Louis said out loud. “I’m not doing this” he said as he threw his phone face down onto the kitchen counter. Louis started pacing the kitchen. “I can’t do this” he
said to the empty kitchen. He rummaged in the cupboard to find a cup and a tea bag, pouring the recently boiled water into to cup. He opened the fridge and grabbed the milk to put a dash into the cup. While waiting for the tea to steep Louis’ thoughts wandered again.
What would it matter if he just met up with Harry just this once he thought. Once wasn’t going to do any harm. Maybe he could get some closure, finally put all this behind him and move on like he should have done already. Yeah, moving on, that sounds good he thought.
“Fuck” he said out loud. Who was he kidding. Louis would probably never move on from Harry, he would always have a place in his heart for him that much he was sure of and to be honest, Louis was kind of desperate to see him again. Desperate to hear his voice again. Desperate to smell him. Desperate to see if he could coax that dimple out again. Desperate to see if Zayn was right. Desperate just to feel something other than numbness. So Louis typed out a text
it is my number. meet me at 11 at our Starbucks. L xx
Louis stared at the message and then quickly deleted the the last few words, retyping
it is my number. meet me at 11 at the Starbucks opposite Hyde Park. L
Louis hit send then spent the next five minutes nervously pacing the flat. Finally he heard his phone ping with an incoming message
i’ll be there. H xx
—————————
Louis arrived at the Starbucks five minutes early, only to find Harry already there leaning against the outside wall scrolling through his phone. Louis saw him before Harry noticed him so he let his eyes rake over his body. Harry was dressed in jeans, vans a fluffy woollen jumper and a coat. He had a bakers hat pulled over his short curls and he looked incredible. Louis was fucked.
Louis took a deep breath and closed the distance between the two of them stopping just over an arms length away
“Hi” he said nervously
Harry looked up from his phone and smiled that devastatingly handsome smile complete with dimple
“Hey” he said pocketing his phone “Thanks for coming”
Louis nodded suddenly very shy.
“Should we go in?” Harry asked
“Sure” said Louis
Harry pushed off the wall and took a step to the door, opening it for Louis and gesturing him through grandly “After you”
“Thanks” Louis mumbled as he walked through
The Starbucks was pretty quiet for a Sunday and Louis was pleased to see that there were a few tables free.
“Shall we sit?” Louis asked waving vaguely in the direction of a spare table.
“I thought we might have a walk through the park” Harry said “ummm...unless you want to sit?” he asked nervously.
“Walking is good” Louis said
Harry gave him a small smile and said “wait here, I’ll go line up”
“I’ll get my own Harry. Don’t worry” said Louis quickly
“It’s fine Louis. I asked you here. The least I could do is buy you a drink”
“Right....ok” Louis agreed reluctantly
Harry nodded and walked off to join the small queue. Louis was left to idly wonder if Harry still remembered his order.
Louis waited awkwardly by the door not sure what to do with his hands as Harry made his way back to him holding two takeaway cups, a couple of paper bags full of something and a stare that was a little too intense to be comfortable. He held out a cup when he reached Louis and said “Hope you still like your old order”
Louis looked at the cup and saw Harry had ordered him a double shot grande cappuccino. His heart did this weird little flip thing. Fuck, Louis thought, calm down. It’s just a coffee order.
“Yeah” Louis smiled taking the coffee from Harry. Their fingers brushed slightly and Louis felt the little shock of electricity zip up his arm. Oh god. He was in deep shit.
“Shall we?” Harry asked tilting his head towards the door
“Yeah” said Louis shakily
Harry held the door open for Louis again, ever the gentleman.
Outside in the cool air, Louis felt a little more settled. Walking was a great idea because it meant that Louis didn’t need to sit at a table looking at Harry for the whole time. His eyes could wander and it took the pressure off slightly.
The strolled quietly along the path, watching parents with prams, runners and old couples take advantage of the sunny winters day.
“So, how have you been?” Harry asked
“Good” Louis replied. “You?”
“Yeah good” Harry answered
The both sipped their coffee. It was a little awkward
“This is a little awkward” Harry said suddenly
Louis let out a surprised laugh
“Yeah, it is!” he agreed
Harry laughed and the tension was broken a bit. Harry handed over one of the paper bags. “I got you a brownie”
“Thanks” Louis said taking the bag. They spent a few minutes devouring their food, the chocolatey goodness coating Louis tongue.
“How’s your family?” Harry asked starting up the conversation. Louis was grateful that it was an easy one to talk about and doing so calmed some of his nerves. It was nice to talk. Talking was something that they didn’t do much in the last few months of their relationship and Louis missed hearing the deep rumble of Harry’s voice.
They spent a while filling each other in on what their families were up to. Louis then talked about Zayn and Liam then Harry talked about Niall making Louis realised how much he missed Niall. The five of them were once inseparable, but when Harry and Louis split, Niall took Harry’s side and Zayn and Liam took Louis’. At the time it felt a lot like dividing up the kids in a divorce.
As grateful as Louis was that Harry was keeping the conversation on safe topics, there was one thought that kept niggling at Louis and he just had to know the answer to before he left.
“Why did you want to see me?” he blurted out. Harry looked up startled. He paused for a few seconds before replying “Why did you say yes?”
Louis huffed “I asked you first” Louis said sternly
They were passing a park bench and Harry gestured towards it.
“Shall we sit?”
“Sure” Louis said glancing at the bench
Harry sat on one side of the bench and Louis took a seat on the other. The distance between them palpable
Harry took a deep breath. “I...ahhh... don’t really know why I asked you”. Harry started carefully. “When I saw you at that restaurant...” Harry stopped and took a deep breath, holding it for a few heartbeats before letting it out in a rush. “It was so unexpected...” he continued. “I was pretty thrown, but i figured that’s what happens when you see your ex for the first time in months and all those...feelings...would all go away....” Harry trailed off. Taking another deep breath he looked up at Louis and said “I didn’t have any intention of ever seeing you again”
Wow Louis thought. He looked down at his lap, unable to look at Harry in case he saw the flash of hurt in his eyes.
“But then...” Harry continued “I just... I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and I knew I just had to see you again.” Harry said quietly
Louis raised his eyes to find Harry already looking at him intently
“Why did you say yes?” Harry questioned gently
Louis sighed as he looked down at his hands which were clenched in his lap.
“I...I guess I was curious” he admitted squeezing his hands together. Louis looked off across the park. “And i couldn’t stop thinking about you either” he almost whispered.
Harry was quiet for a long time, until Louis finally looked over at him, worried about what he would see on Harry’s face. What he saw was Harry smiling with his stupid lopsided smile. Louis huffed but couldn’t stop his own closed lipped smile from breaking free.
“Well” Harry said smirking. “This just got interesting”
“Yeah” agreed Louis shyly dropping his gaze back to his lap.
——————————
They met up a lot over the coming weeks just getting used to being in each other’s company. At times it was strained. At times it was awkward as hell. At times it was uncomfortable. But sometimes it felt easy and right. Sometimes they laughed a little too loud and sometimes, very very rarely, they flirted a tiny bit. Louis started to feel lighter than he had in months. He breathed a little easier and his smile reached his eyes a little more often.
Zayn was suspicious.
“Have you met someone?” Zayn asked him one day, eyes narrowed searching Louis face
“No, why would you say that?” Louis asked
“Well, you seem....happy” Zayn remarked
Louis scoffed “i’ve been happy for a while Zayn”
“No, this is different” Zayn said. “You’ve got this...light about you”
“A light about me?” Louis scoffed “Zayn, are you high?” he asked cheekily
“No I’m not high Lewis. Somethings changed. What’s going on?”
“Nothings changed. Gee, can’t a bloke be happy without getting the third degree”
“Last time I saw you looking like this was when you started dating Harry.” Zayn mused, before he gasped loudly, hand clutching his chest
“YOU ARENT DATING HARRY ARE YOU?”
Louis scoffed again
“No Zayn. I’m not dating Harry”
Louis still hadn’t mentioned to Zayn that he was meeting up with Harry regularly. Their relationship was fragile and complicated and confusing so he kind of wanted to keep it for himself at the moment, especially when he knew Zayn would try to discourage any sort of interaction.
Zayn just stared at him until Louis started to fidget
“You’re keeping something from me” Zayn probed, eyes narrowed.
“I’m not keeping anything from you Zayn. What’s got into you?”
“What’s got into you?” Zayn countered “Did you get some?”
Louis laughed “No, I didn’t get some”
“Then why are you so happy?”
“I don’t know Zayn. I just am. Can we drop it?”
Zayn stared at him for a good thirty seconds. “You’re definitely keeping something from me but for now you’re off the hook. But mark my words” Zayn said shaking his pointer finger at Louis “I WILL find out”
Louis rolled his eyes. “There’s nothing to find out so you can drop it Sherlock”
“We’ll see” said Zayn.
————————-
Louis opened his front door and stepped inside, kicking his vans off and dumping his keys on the side table. He really really didn’t want Zayn finding out about Harry and asking difficult questions about their relationship, not until Louis himself knew what was going on between them and right now he had absolutely no idea what was happening. Was he dating Harry? He didn’t think he was. Meeting up a few times was definitely not dating. There was no kissing, no touching, nothing that normally happened on a date. They were just two friends reconnecting after some time apart...weren’t they? Yes, that’s exactly what they were Louis decided nodding to himself. However.....a bit of kissing wouldn’t necessarily be a bad idea.....No, that’s a lie, Louis shook his head admonishing himself. It would be a terrible idea. There is no way Louis should kiss Harry if he wanted to save what was left of his heart. He should stay well away. And yet....
Louis shook his head “I’m fucked” he said out loud.
Louis’ ringing phone jolted him out of his thoughts. He plucked it out of his back pocket and looked at the screen. Niall’s name was glaring back at him.
Niall? Niall hadn’t rung him in eight months. What could he want? With nervous fingers he swiped to answer
“Niall?” he said down the phone. “Long time no see”
“If you fucking break his heart again Louis I swear to god i will come over there and rip your balls off with my bare hands” Niall spat angrily down the phone
“Woah Niall. Easy lad” Louis placated “I never broke his heart. He broke mine”
“Bullshit Louis. You hurt him a lot and I won’t stand by and watch you do it again. It nearly killed him last time”
“I don’t know what he’s told you Niall, but he broke up with me. He walked out on me” Louis said. “He broke MY heart. I did nothing to him”
“You’re right Louis. You did nothing and that was the problem. You shut down Louis, you ignored all of your problems and you cut him out of your life whether you realise it or not. Not once did you try to work on things”
Louis sighed “He never did either Niall” Louis said quietly
“He did Louis, you just didn’t want to hear him”
“Niall...”
“Look, I don’t know what is going on between you two but I can’t let you hurt him again” Niall interrupted “so I think it would be best if you just stay away”
“Niall...” Louis tried again
“Stay away” Niall repeated before he hung up the phone
Louis stared at his phone screen. What the fuck was that? He searched his contacts for Harrys number and then quickly sent a message
L:did you tell niall that we were meeting up?
Louis phone rang, Harrys name flashing up on the screen
“I may have” Harry said carefully after Louis answered “why?”
“He called me” Louis said
“oh...what did he say?” Harry asked trying to sound casual but failing
“He said if I hurt you again he’d rip my balls off”
“oh...”
“yeah, Oh....”Louis said.
They were silent for a few moments, before Louis asked quietly “Harry....what are we doing?”
“I....uh..can I...um...maybe come over?” Harry asked “We probably should do this face to face”
Louis’ heart started rabbiting in his chest. Harry wanted to come over? Harry was going to be back in this flat? Was he coming over just to tell him he didn’t want to see him anymore. If he got rejected in the kitchen again, Louis may literally die. He heard himself saying ok before he had even realised he’d made the decision to allow him back into his flat.
“i’ll be there in ten” Harry said
“Great” Louis said his voice coming out a bit odd
Shit he thought.
Louis used the ten minutes before Harry got there to do a slightly panicked clean of the flat, picking up the dirty tea cups from the coffee table and his dirty socks from the floor. The washing basket full of clean clothes that he hadn’t folded yet was hastily shoved in his room, and the bathroom and kitchen were treated to a quick wipe down. When the house was clean enough Louis started pacing, his nerves kicking in now he had nothing to do with his hands. He decided to open a bottle of wine, figuring he would probably need it at some point tonight. He pulled a glass out of the cupboard and poured himself a generous amount taking an extra large gulp. The wine warmed his insides as it slid down his throat calming his nerves slightly. He was taking another large sip when there was a knock at the door. “Shit” he said quietly, placing his wine glass on the coffee table clumsily. He took a deep breath as he walked as confidently as he could to the front door. Hint - It wasn’t very confident -he was as nervous as hell. He took another deep calming breath before he opened the door. Seeing Harry standing there nearly took his breath away. He was so fucking beautiful. “Hi” Harry smiled shyly.
“Hi” Louis replied. They both just stood there for a second, Louis blocking the way into the flat with his body
“Do you mind if I come in?” Harry asked after an awkward silence tilting his head toward the flat.
“Oh, shit, yeah...sorry”Louis stammered taking a step back so Harry could walk a few steps into the flat. He turned back to Louis wearing a goofy smile and holding up a bottle of wine in his hand. “Thought we might need this” he said shaking the bottle in front of Louis face
Louis smiled, vaguely waving his hand in the direction of his discarded glass. “Already started” he said “I’ll get you a glass” he said over his shoulder as he made his way to the kitchen. Once there Louis took a second to try and compose himself. He gripped the edge of the sink so hard his knuckles turned white as he leaned over it. He was almost sure he was going to be sick. He took a few deep cleansing breathes drank a little bit of water straight out of the tap and ran his hands under the cool water for a second before placing them on the back of his neck. Harry was just so much Louis found it hard to function at times.
Louis shook his head, you’re losing it again Tomlinson he admonished. Louis took another deep breath and pushed himself off the sink. He turned to get the wine glass and nearly squealed when he saw Harry leaning against the door jamb.
“Shit Styles, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” Louis huffed his face flushing slightly knowing he’d been caught losing his shit.
“Sorry” Harry apologised “I uhhh, brought the wine and your glass in” he said holding them up.
“Great, grab a seat, I’ll just get you that glass” Louis said pointing awkwardly to the cupboard. Louis internally facepalmed himself when he turned his back on Harry. Slick Louis, real slick.
Harry sat at the kitchen table and waited patiently while Louis reached into the high cabinet to get the glass. Louis walked over and placed it a little too heavily in front of Harry. Harry gave him a small smile before he grabbed the wine bottle and filled his glass, topping off Louis’ as well. Louis sat down and took another large sip of wine watching as Harry downed about half of his in one go. Louis raised an eyebrow but chose not to mention it. He took another sip himself trying to think of something to say just as Harry said
“So, Zayn called me”. Louis nearly choked on his wine
“He what?” he squeaked, coughing loudly
“Zayn called me”
“What the fuck? what did he say?” Louis asked
“He said if I hurt you again he’d cut my balls off with a rusty knife”
Louis snorted. “I guess both of our balls are on the line now”
“I guess they are” Harry agreed with a small smile.
Louis chuckled quietly.
“I never told Zayn about us meeting up again” Louis confessed
“Well, he found out from somewhere” Harry shrugged.
“Yeah” Louis agreed, but he knew Zayn had worked it out for himself. He is just too perceptive for his own bloody good.
They both sat there quietly for a minute, awkward silence filling the kitchen
Harry cleared his throat. “So, you were asking what we are doing?
Louis wasn’t sure why he had asked now, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. But instead he gave a small nod.
“What do you think we are doing Louis?” Harry asked
Louis took a sip of his wine mostly just to buy some time. The wine was starting to turn his stomach
“I have no idea” Louis finally answered
“Well, that makes two of us” Harry replied with a humourless laugh
Louis let out a surprised breath. “Well, that’s not the answer I was expecting” he said.
“What were you expecting?” Harry asked
“I was expecting you to tell me you didn’t want to see me anymore”
“And why would you expect that? Harry asked surprised
“Well, you kinda walked out on me eight months ago Harry. You must still hate me and you I guess you just remembered that you do”
“I don’t hate you Louis, that much I know” Harry said softly
Louis looked up into Harrys eyes for the first time tonight. He saw the warmth was back, but he couldn’t hold eye contact for more than a few seconds. It was too much. Too intense
“I don’t hate you either Harry” Louis said just as quietly
They were both quiet for a few moments, digesting the words
“So where do we go from here” Harry asked
“I... I don’t know” Louis said carefully despite knowing he wanted to go back to when they'd been each other's everything, when just being together was enough. When he believed their love could conquer the world. He wanted to hear Harry say his name in that special way and he wanted those times when they'd talked all night about their dreams and their future. But he didn’t want to be the one to say it in case Harry didn’t want the same. He was scared. So so scared.
Harry hummed, his eyes searching Louis face. All Louis could do is fidget with his wineglass and avoid Harrys eyes.
“I still feel like we haven’t finished our story” Harry finally said. Louis’ eyes snapped to Harrys. “If you are willing I’d like to give us a second chance” he said quietly. Louis’ heart did this weird flappy thing and he felt the little flicker of hope spark in his chest. “Oh” he breathed out surprised “I’d...uhhh...I’d like that” he said, voice wavering slightly. Harry nodded and smiled “I’d like that too” he said.
“But...” Harry continued “I don’t want us to make the same mistakes again. I don’t want to repeat the past. I want us to work at this together as a team. And I think that the only way we can do that is to get some help”
“Help?” Louis asked dumbly
“yeah” Harry said. “I’ve...uhhh...I’ve been seeing this therapist for a while now. She’s really helped me deal with a lot of things and I’d..uhhh...I’d like you to see her too” he finished off in a rush
“I don’t know Harry, I’m not really a therapist person” Louis said dismissively
“You’ll like her Louis, I promise. Harry pleaded “She’s really good and I think we could do with the help. We hurt each other so much last time and I don’t want to do that again. We can’t do that again. I want to give us a proper chance at succeeding this time because the pull is still undeniable don’t you think?”
“Yeah” Louis agreed taking another large gulp of wine. The pull was definitely still there and Harry was right, they can’t make the same mistakes again. Neither of them would survive another break up. But Louis was petrified. There was a lot on the line here and he had so much to lose if it didn’t work out. Could he put himself back in such a vulnerable position?
“So...what do you think?” Harry interrupted his thoughts
“I’m scared Harry” Louis admitted “I don’t think I would survive if we mess it up again”
“Me either” Harry admitted “And I’m bloody petrified!. Which is exactly why we should see this therapist”
Louis sighed. He hated it when Harry was right. “Alright” he reluctantly agreed. “I’ll go see her, but I’m not making any promises or jumping head first back into this. I want to take it really slow and just see how it goes”
Harry sighed relieved. “That’s more than enough for me Louis. Thank-you for trying” he said smiling warmly. Louis found himself smiling back
“You’re welcome H”
————————
Louis didn’t like the therapist. She was pushy, invasive and had an uncanny ability to make Louis talk about things he really didn’t want to talk about. She continually poked at wounds that had never really healed and caused the festering mess to spew out. The sessions were painful, exhausting and harrowing and Louis had cried more than he had ever cried before. But he reluctantly admitted that the sessions were helping and that she was excellent at her job. She told Louis that he was the classic self sabotager, something that people did to keep themselves from being happy and successful when they feel like they don’t deserve it. She explained that feeling anxiety, anger, frustration, or doubt in any relationship, romantic or not, is totally normal—but refusing to speak to your partner about these fears signals that you're not interested in fixing the problems you're seeing or keeping your relationship alive. She explained how Louis spent a lot of time trying to convince himself that the relationship is perfect, even when it wasn’t and when Harry wanted to address the problem, he avoided the topic or simply said: "I don't think we're having an issue; it's going to go away." This avoidance caused Harry to grow resentful of his inability to face their problems together and so he was left with no other choice but to walk away. They worked on strategies to break the self sabotaging habit and ways to open the lines of communication between Harry and himself. They worked on Louis’ self esteem which apparently had been lacking which was part of the problem, Louis thinking that Harry was too good for him and that eventually he would realise that he could do better and up and leave. She made him realise that he fulfilled that prophecy but only because of his behaviour, not because that’s what Harry thought. She made him realise that while it’s important to be realistic in your relationships, it’s just as important that you don’t create problems that don’t exist. Try to be open and honest and things just might work out.
————————
The first time Harry kissed him was months down the track. They had been taking things painfully slowly both still a little guarded and scared to take the next step. But the more they saw each other, the more those little incidental touches happened, the flirting became more frequent and the smiles more genuine. They felt less like they were walking on eggshells and more relaxed in each others company. They told Niall, Zayn and Liam that they were kind of seeing each other again and although they were a bit cold at first, they quickly warmed up when they saw how happy they both were. The five of them went out regularly and Louis loved having them all together again. It was after one of these get togethers that Harry walked Louis home, shoulder to shoulder, hands occasionally brushing. The flirting had been off the charts all night and Louis was a little bit worked up. When they reached Louis door he was not ready to say goodbye so he invited Harry in nervously
“Do you want to...uhhh...come in for a cuppa?” Louis asked pointing at the door with his thumb.
Harry smiled his devastating smile “I would love to” Harry answered. Louis nodded jerkily. He reached into his pocket and dug out his keys, his shaking hands making getting the lock open a bit difficult. Once inside they toed off their shoes and took off their coats. Harry offered to boil the kettle. “You go sit Louis, I’ll bring you a tea in a sec” Louis nodded gratefully, Harry made an excellent cup of tea. He watched Harry saunter off to the kitchen before making the snap decision to follow him. He leant again the door jamb watching Harry move around his kitchen like he belonged there, and when he reached up into the high cupboard to get out the tea his shirt rode up his back, leaving a sliver of creamy skin visible. Louis had the sudden urge to lick it. He crossed the kitchen in three large strides and grabbed onto Harrys waist, turning him so they were face to face, loving Harry’s sharp intake of breath. Louis crowded him against the bench, hands gripping slightly to Harrys hips while their eyes locked. Louis watched the emotion swirling in Harry’s for a few seconds before taking another step closer, moulding their bodies together. “Do you mind if I kiss you” Louis asked, voice shaking slightly
Harry huffed “I thought you’d never ask” he said quietly eyes dropping to Louis mouth. Louis wasn’t to sure who closed the distance but the next thing he knew Harrys lips were on his, soft and tentative, chaste and oh so gentle. It was too much and not enough at the same time. Harry pulled away with a smile. Well, that wouldn’t do Louis thought, surging back wanting more. Harry was momentarily taken aback before joined in wrapping his arms around Louis’ shoulders, pulling him closer. Louis prodded at Harry’s lips with his tongue silently begging him to open for him. Harry did and the kiss turned heated instantly. Louis felt his head swim and his knees get weak, so he leaned on Harry even more for support, no air between their bodies at all, arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Louis shifted slightly so he could tuck his leg in between Harrys, slightly pressing against his groin. Harry groaned and Louis nearly came in his pants there and then - he had forgotten how responsive Harry could be. They pulled apart when the need for air became too great Louis tucking his head into the crook of Harrys shoulder panting slightly and suddenly a little shy. Harry squeezed Louis a little tighter, bringing one hand up to hold the back of his head. They breathed each other in for a few minutes, processing what they had just done, Harry eventually pulled back slightly to tuck his hand under Louis’ chin lifting it so Louis met his eyes. Harry smiled. “Well, that was...hot”
Louis snorted. “Yeah, it was” he agreed shyly.
“We should do it again” Harry said waggling his eyebrows. Louis rolled his eyes.
—————————-
Two weeks later, Harry and Louis were curled up together on the couch watching a movie, Louis head resting on Harrys chest just over his heart, the steady beat soothing. They had spent a lot more time together since the night of the kiss and been slowly increasing their intimacy, but still stopping short of going the whole way.
“Harry...” Louis began
“Hmmmm?” said Harry lazily
“Would you like to be my boyfriend...again?”
Louis felt Harry’s sharp intake of breath, felt him hold it for five seconds before letting it out in a rush, his heart rate climbing. Harry shifted forcing Louis to sit up. “I would love to” he said hand cupping Louis’ face, before leaning in to give him the sweetest kiss.
Louis smiled widely. “Excellent! And since you’re now my boyfriend” Louis continued “do you want to maybe go into the bedroom and get naked?”
Harry smiled even wider. “I would love to...boyfriend” Harry said enthusiastically scrambling up faster than Louis had ever seen him move. He grasped Louis’ hand and practically dragged him to the bedroom.
—————————
2 months later
“I hate you” Harry yelled as he ran from the kitchen, Louis hot on his heels. Louis cackled loudly. He chased Harry into the lounge room, his hands dripping with soapy washing up water. Harry tripped on a discarded shoe and fell awkwardly to his knees. Louis took advantage and shoved him fully to the floor poking his wet finger into Harrys ear giving him a wet willy.
“Ugh” Harry yelled twisting his head out of Louis reach. “That’s disgusting”. Louis cackled again, before diving in and tickling Harry mercilessly. Harry was panting and breathless and begging him to stop but Louis just redoubled his efforts. Harry finally decided enough was enough. He wrapped his long legs around Louis body and flipped them so Louis was now underneath him. His strong legs gripped either side of Louis’ hips holding him still while his left hand trapped Louis’ wrists, pinning them above his head. His right hand dragged slowly down Louis’ torso and Louis grew instantly pliant, the teasing glint in his eyes giving way to heat. Harry leaned down and gave Louis a searing kiss, his right hand drifting down to cup Louis’ rapidly growing semi. Just when Louis was really getting into it, Harry jumped off him and sauntered off towards the kitchen, hips swinging. He looked back over his shoulder and said “I win” before disappearing into the kitchen. Louis groaned and rolled his eyes. “I hate you too” he yelled. His only answer was a loud cackle from the kitchen.
————————
6 months later
Harry had moved into Louis flat a few months ago and things were going pretty well. They weren’t perfect, but they were both working hard to keep their communication open so things didn’t fester. Some of their conversations were hard, some were painful and some were downright awkward but what mattered most is that those conversations were happening, both keen to give this relationship their all. At times, Louis fell back into old habits but as he was still seeing the therapist once a month, and she helped Louis dig his way out.
Harry came home one afternoon after running errands instantly crowding Louis against the wall, kissing him senseless.
“Well, that was a welcome” Louis panted out when the kiss finally broke
“I missed you ” Harry breathed.
“You were only gone for a few hours H” Louis scoffed
“Yeah, but it was too long” Harry whined giving Louis a chaste peck on his lips
Louis rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop the smile from taking over his face.
“What were you even doing”
“I was...shopping. With Niall”
Louis looked for the bags but saw nothing
“Did you find anything?” Louis questioned
“I did” Harry said looking pleased
“I don’t see any bags” Louis commented
Harry smiled. “Oh, it’s here in my pocket”
“Well, can I see?” Louis asked “Or it is some big secret?”
“No secret. You can see” Harry said as he reached into his pocket. Louis tracked the movement, curious to see what he had bought that was so small it could fit into his pocket.
Harrys hand came out of his pocket and Louis got a glimpse of a small black box that looked awfully like a ring box. He noticed Harry was moving to get down on one knee and Louis panicked. “NO!” he yelled. Harry froze, face contorted into confusion and panic
“Louis?”
“No Harry. Stop. you can’t do this” he gave Harry a little shove and bolted to the bedroom leaving Harry alone
Louis was panicking. He can’t do this, Harry is going to ruin everything he thought as he paced in the bedroom hand over his mouth. “Fucking Harry” he said out loud “Bloody ruining everything”. There was only one thing he could do. He rummaged in the draw frantically searching for what he was looking for. He let out a triumphant “Aha” when he finally found it. He held it tightly in his fist and rushed back out to the living room only to find Harry standing exactly where he left him, tears streaming down his face and silent sobs escaping.
Louis stood stock still and then realised what he had done. Harry was going to propose and Louis ran out on him panicked. His face softened
“Oh, Harry” he said as he approached him. “Harry love, look at me” Harry shook his head, his eyes fixed on the floor. Louis took another step closer so he could reach out and lift his chin. “Harry” he said fondly, wiping the tears from his cheeks with his thumb “Stop crying love”
“Louis, i thought...”
“shhhhhhh” Louis interrupted placing a finger on Harry lips. “Just listen ok”
Harry nodded, tears still escaping down his cheeks.
Louis smiled “I had this all planned. I was going to do this next week when we went out for dinner, but you had to go and ruin all my careful planning”
“What?” Harry asked confused
Louis shook his head. “I wanted to be the one to do it. I’m not going to let you beat me to it” and with that he dropped to one knee and held out the open ring box.
“Harry Edward Styles. Would you do me the honour of becoming my husband?”
Harry started bawling, big fat tears dripping down his cheeks, but now at least he was smiling. He dropped down to his knees as well and smacked Louis’ arm sharply. “You fucking arsehole. he said tears streaming down his cheeks “You scared the living shit out of me”
Louis laughed. “Sorry, but I panicked. I really wanted to be the one to propose but you had to go and ruin it all”
Harry laughed wetly “I’m sorry, I had no idea”
“Obviously” Louis said rolling his eyes “I’m excellent at planning surprises, you were never going to find out” he said laughing. Harry huffed out a tiny laugh.
“Harry, my love” Louis continued more seriously “it’s you that I want. It’s always been you. You are my best friend, my support and my cheerleader. You make me so happy and I think I’m the luckiest man alive to have you. Although we may have taken the long way around, and stumbled more than a few times, it was worth every fall. I want to be with you forever and although I don’t think I could love you any more than I do right at this very moment, i know that tomorrow I will. I love you with everything I have” Louis said, his eyes filling with tears.
“You are my everything Lou” Harry replied, voice shaky “You’ve always been the one for me, and I never stopped loving you. You are my light, my sun, my reason to live”
Harry reached out and caressed Louis face, Louis leaning into to the touch smiling.
“You haven’t answered my question Harry.” Louis said teasingly “Will you marry me?”
“Yes, yes, yes, one hundred times yes” Harry yelled startling a laugh out of Louis
“I love you so much” he said much quieter leaning in for a searing kiss.
Louis pushed him away “Wait” he said, holding Harry at bay with a hand to his chest. Harry pouted. “Louuuuuuuu” he complained
“We’ve got the rest of our lives to do that H but right now we’ve got some unfinished business to take care of” Louis said smiling as he pulled the ring out of its box. Harry grinned, his dimple popping and his eyes shining. Louis grabbed Harrys hand and pushed the ring onto his finger. Harry stared at the titanium ring for a second before he pulled his own ring out and placed the black band on Louis finger.
Louis surged forward and kissed Harry, pouring every ounce of love he had for him into the kiss, and he knew Harry did the same.
It was at that moment Louis knew for certain that everything was going to be ok, they were going to be ok. Louis knew he had found his home.
The end.