Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You should be focusing on the sermon, like a studious follower. You should be following along, being a good, pure catholic. Instead, as you nod along, feigning total attention, your mind drifts as your eyes track along the body of this new priest.

Your eyes trace along his face watching the way his lips move as he talks, moving back to his eyes again. You have no idea what you’re doing. You shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts. But you can’t help it. You stare as his hands, clenched with an impassioned statement about how to serve God’s will. His hands run through his hair, a few strands coming loose from the rest and resting on his forehead.

Oh the things you’d let this man do to you. The rest of the sermon is lost to you, muscle memory guiding you as you continue to fantasize about those hands, that voice, those intense eyes occasionally making eye contact with you. God forgive your mind. While you doubt He would take his time to listen to YOU specifically, you still send a quick thought, begging for forgiveness.

Once the sermon finally ends, you rush to the bathroom, pushing past your dad with a  quick apology and murmur that you had to use the bathroom. Glancing at yourself in the mirror, your slightly flushed face only got more flushed as you heard the priest thank everyone for coming over the church's loudspeaker. You suddenly became aware of how tight your pants had become over the course of the sermon,  reaching down to see just how hard you were. You whimpered, ducking into a stall and locking it.

Freeing yourself from your pants and boxers, you gently palm yourself, sighing. Letting your thoughts wander again, you launch yourself deep into the fantasy world you had made. Stroking your cock slowly at first, but steadily gaining speed as your mind thinks of wonderful scenarios.

‘His hand tracks along your cheek, tracing over your lips. His thumb slips past your lips into your mouth. His other hand tangles in your hair and he forcefully pulls your head back and down, forcing you to your knees in front of him. He replaces his thumb with two of his fingers, forcing you to suck on them. Which you happily do, forcing them to the back of your throat, drool coating his fingers. A groan from above makes your eyes flick to his face. Seeing those eyes, and the lustful way they’re looking at you make you whimper and squirm.’

You bite your lip, hips starting to twitch as you thrust into your hand harder, trying to keep your breathing quiet. Soft gasps slip past every few breaths.

‘He pulls his fingers from your mouth, an approving hum sounding from him. He releases your hair, unblocking his pants and letting them fall to the floor. He pulls his briefs down teasingly slow, watching your face silently plead to worship him.

“If you want it so bad, beg for it. Beg for it, and maybe your sins will be forgiven.” 

“Please...Please Father, cleanse me of my sins, even though I am unworthy to behold you...Let me worship every inch of your holiness…let me bathe in your purity!” You reach up your hands to try and pull him closer, desperate for him to fuck your throat.

A sharp slap to the face makes you moan and cry out. You twitch, looking up at him in awe. His hands find your hair again, tugging you forwards roughly, causing you to moan again. 

“Such a pathetic boy you are, your sin is so obviously ingrained into you. How desperate you are for an adult, for your priest even. It’ll take many sessions to purify you. Even then I might not be able to purify such a corrupt slut like you.”

You shudder once more, your breath catching in your throat as you cum into your hand, a soft moan falling from your lips. Your breathing was heavy and you vaguely made out the sound of your father outside of the bathroom asking you if you were okay.

Not wanting to anger him, you shake off your afterglow, quickly yanking your pants and boxers up, and washing your hands. You open the door, meeting him in the hallway.

He gives you a concerned look, reaching out a hand to feel your forehead. “You okay, son? You look a little flushed, and you're warm..”

Stepping away from him, you nod quickly. “Yes..It might just be a little day bug, I’ll be alright. Are we going home soon?”

He nods. “Yes, but before we go, the priest wished to have a word with you, said you looked distracted during the sermon and wanted to check on you. If you’d like, you can meet me out in the car after? I want to take your brother home, he’s getting tired and wants McDonalds. I can grab you a bite to eat while you two chat.”

You swallow hard as you listen to him, your eyes widening as you ponder what he could possibly want to talk to you about….There’s no way he knew what you were thinking about…...right? “That sounds...nice. Are you going to want to know what he had to say? I can let you know when you come pick me up….” You trail off, noticing that the priest was watching you and your father’s talk.

Your dick twitches in your pants when he makes eye contact with you, your mind briefly wandering back to your fantasy. You vaguely remember someone walking into the bathroom...it couldn’t’ve been him...could it? Your anxiety spiked as your heart pounded. Your father rested a hand on your shoulder.

“Good luck, son. Do not shame us, and be respectful.” He drew your gaze back to his and you nod.

“Of course, father. Why would I shame you? My respect for you is too high...for that..” Again you trail off, watching the priest approach your family.  He smiles kindly at you as your brother tugs in your sleeve, calling your attention down to him.

“Kankriiii hurry uppp, I’m hungryyyyy!” Karkat whined at you, pouting.

“Alright, alright. Goodbye father, I’ll see you once you return. Karkat, behave. I’ll see you when you wake up from your nap, okay?” You ruffle his hair and shake your fathers hand, watching them leave.

You turn back to the priest. “You’re here to replace Father Nitram, yes?” You extend your hand for him to shake.

He takes it and gives you a firm handshake. “Yes, I am. My name is Cronus Ampora, or Father Ampora, if you wish.” He smiles again. “A pleasure to meet you, Kankri. I’m sure your dad told you, but something told me to speak with you. If you would, please accompany me to my office, so we can chat in private.”

The way he had said that made your mind wander again, and you nod. “Pleasure to meet you too, Father Ampora. Welcome to the church, I’d be glad to accompany you. But what is the nature, if I may ask..” You swallowed again,  as he led you to his office, passing members of the church.

“I merely wished to have a chat, that’s all. Nothing serious. I plan to check on all of the younger members, see if there’s anything I can do for them, answer any questions they may have.” He greeted everyone with such poise, all while leading you with his hand on your lower back and a smile on his face.

Once at his office, he unlocks the door and gestures you in first. After you’re both in, he closes the door and locks it. Setting the key on his desk, he sits, and motions to the other seat in the room. “Please, Kankri, have a seat, get comfortable.”

As you get seated, his face changes and a more authoritative look replaces the kindness. He rests his booted feet on his desk, crossing his legs. “So, Mr.Vantas, What exactly were you thinking about during my sermon that distracted you so much. You seemed to hardly be focusing on what I was saying, instead choosing to let your eye’s practically undress me. Come now, everything I’ve heard about your family says you’re all so devout, with the exception of your younger brother, and yet he seemed more interested than you. Is there something we need to discuss?”
His tone said everything. He knew, and he was going to get you to admit it. He ran his hand fully through his hair, messing up just enough to where it looked sensual almost.

You inhaled sharply, suddenly able to smell his cologne. It was strong, musky and very distracting. Trying to think of an excuse, you lean back in your chair, your pants betraying your arousal. Quickly, you try and conceal your boner with your shirt, hoping he hadn’t noticed,

“Well, you see Father..I...Am not feeling very well. I seem to have a light fever, but next time I will try and-” He cut you off with a stern glare, rising from his seat and walking around the desk to stand in front of you.

“Kankri Vantas. You know it is sinful to lie, let alone to your priest.” 

You look down and to the side to avoid meeting his intense gaze. “I am aware, Father, but I am not lying to you! I would never!”

He roughly grabs your jaw and forces you to look him in the eye. “One more chance, Mr. Vantas. Tell me the truth, or I will be forced to punish you.”

You squeak in surprise, blinking rapidly up at him. Your cock throbs in your pants. Briefly, you wonder how far he’d go...what would happen if you lie again. What would he do to you?

You answer him, hesitantly. “Yes, Father…...The truth is...I’m tired. That’s all...I’m not sure why I said I had a fever. I’m sorry for lying to you.”

His glare deepens and his hand leaves your jaw to harshly come down on your face in a hard slap. You moan from the pain, your cock becoming more obvious. “You think I’m oblivious? I know a sinner when I see one. Yet you continue to lie to me. You force this hand.”

You see his eyes flick down to your groin and a slow smirk creeps onto his face. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? So I was right about who was sinning in that bathroom stall. Hmph, I should have known a family held to such high respect would have a black sheep. Does your father know about your...tastes?” You shake your head quickly, choosing to stay silent. “I want to hear you say it, boy. Answer me., quickly.”

“......No, father. He does not..” You continue to look up at him, your mind hyper focusing on his face and the smell of his cologne. Was it an aphrodisiac? Had he planned on luring some poor unsuspecting child into his office? You ponder on your luck, head tilting to the side.

Another slap to the face draws your attention back to what he was saying. “Pay attention to me. I am speaking to you, and you WILL listen to what I have to say. Am I understood?”

“Yes, Father, I understand.” Your body betrays your arousal, as your eyebrows begin to furrow. You shift in your seat, trying to get comfortable under the older man’s intense gaze.

“Kankri. If you don’t want your dad to hear about the conversation, you’ll do exactly as I say. Got it?”

Oh god..is he really? You nod eagerly, a submissive whine escaping your throat, causing him to smirk at you again. He undoes his top, and moves to his desk, resting his outer robes on top of it. Pulling his chair close to the center of the office, he beckons you to come to him. Quickly, you move to stand in front of him, curiosity in your eyes.

He takes off his tie, and looks you up and down. “Turn around.” Eager to obey, you turn and face the opposite wall. “Good. Now strip for me.”
You look at him over your shoulders in shock. “Now, Kankri. It wasn’t a question. It was a command.” You nods, and strip down to your boxers, feeling very exposed. “Everything off. Be a good boy and behave for me.”

You nod and take your boxer off, tossing the small pile of clothing gently to the side. Your cock bobs against you, and you look down at it, mild frustration at yourself for being so eager. You feel his warm hands on your back and shiver against his touch. He pulls your wrists behind you and ties them together with his tie, pushing you to the ground. You roll and look at him, watching him sit back down. When did he get up? It had to have been after you turned away. You struggle to move your arms, wondering if he had done this before.

“Come here, in front of me.” He commands, his voice deeper than you remember. Your eyes wander between his legs, where his own arousal was straining against his pants. You lick your lips before looking back to his face.

“Yes, Father.” You shuffle to him, your knees scraping across the carpets as you move. Ignoring the rug burn you no doubtdly had now, you knelt between his legs, awe on your face as you watched him stroke himself through his pants.

He grinned sadistically down at you, resting a hand on your head. “Good boy, Kankri. Now, if you do as I say, God will forgive your sins. You understand that, yes?” You nod, leaning into his hand but recoiling when that same hand comes down across your face again. “Stop acting like a whore. For someone so young, you seem so full of sin.”

You whimper, still looking at him with widened eyes. Your eyes flicker over his body, hungrily taking the older man in. You wanted to burn this moment into your brain forever. No sexual experience after this ever satisfy you like this, you mused.

He pulls you close by your hair, licking his lips when you moan. He kept a tight grip in your hair, casually listening to your noises as he yanked your head in every direction. Little moans and whimpers filled the room, till he stopped. You could see the bulge in his pants twitch, precum soaking through the dark fabric, causing an even darker patch. 

You try to reach out to him, forgetting your arms are bound and instead choose to wiggle even closer still. Deeply inhaling the smell of his cologne once more, you rest your head on his knee and stare up at him, longing in your eyes. He pets your head gently with one hand, ruffling your hair. His other slips to his pants, rubbing himself through them for a moment before undoing his belt. You lick your lips, feeling as though you were starving.

From the back of your mind, your rational thought kicks in and you freeze. What the fuck were you doing? Your father would disown you if he knew what was happening. You were better than this. Your eyes flick to the door, panic seeping into the lustful mess of your mind. Taking your head off of his knee, you try and scoot away from him, but his hand tightens its grip on your hair, painfully pulling you back to him as you cry out.

“What’s wrong, Kankri? You were enjoying this, were you not? You were fantasizing about this during my sermon. Don’t worry, pet. You won’t be leaving this room till I’m done with you. Scream all you want, they can’t hear you. Now behave. I wouldn’t want to have to hurt that pretty face any worse.”

A whimper comes from you and panic seeps into your core. “I- F-father wait, please.”

He scoffs, “Why should I? You were all for this a moment ago.”

Fear grips you, “I- my father would disown me. I do not wish to lose my family.”

A hum sounds from above you and Father Ampora pets your hair as he thinks, a smirk on his face. “Best to not let him find out then, isn’t it? Think of it as our dirty little secret if you wish.”

You nod, fear in your eyes. Despite that fear however, you were still unbearably turned on.

Your phone buzzes from where it had fallen earlier, the buzz drawing both of your attention. Your fathers name lit up the screen. A look back to Cronus, and the intense way he was looking at you made you choose to ignore it.

His smirk widens and his hands roughly tangle in your hair, pulling you to him. You collapse in front of him with a gasp, you head landing in his lap. Something about your now disheveled appearance must have triggered something in him, because one minute you’re on your knees in front of him, the next he’s pushed you from him, hand still in your hair. 

A confused noise makes its way from your throat, quickly sated by the sight of him using his other hand to quickly pull his pants down. The sight of his cock, the first one you ever saw that wasn’t your fathers in the shower, filled you with awe. This was a new feeling you felt, you were feeling as though the older man's cock was the only thing in the room. Fighting back the eager whine you so desperately wanted to just give in to, you looked up to meet his eyes, gently scooting closer to him. 

He grins, loosening his grip on your hair and spreading his legs for you to come closer. Giving in, you scoot closer to him, your chest hitting the edge of the chair. Now directly in front of him, you stare at his cock and gulp.

At that moment, another buzz hits your ears and someone pounds on the door to the office.

“Fuck. You, stay here.” Father Ampora’s voice sounded harsh, and it makes you shiver as he stands to make himself decent. He steps beside you, untying your arms. “Get dressed. Quickly now, boy.”

You nod taking a brief moment to make yourself presentable, willing your own bulge to go down as the older man strides to the door. The grace of a priest, and not the predatory-like aura he had just seconds before.

You pick your phone up, and check to see what the buzzing was, your heart rate spiking further. Four missed calls, three texts. All from your father.

“Father Ampora...I think my father is at the door...all of the buzzing was him.” Your voice shook, fear making your eyes widen as he opened the door.

Sure enough, there stood your father, red faced. “Kankri, I understand this is an important conversation, but you should not ignore me. Your brother is feeling ill, I need you home now. Come on, boy. Are you daft? Father Ampora, I do apologize for interrupting your discussion, however family comes first here. I’ll be taking him home, you may have him next sermon, it was a pleasure meeting you earlier.”

You stare at your father incredulously, blinking rapidly. Of all the times to have his fatherly senses, it was now? When he had been so close to being able to give proper worship?

Sighing, you look to Cronus, giving him an apologetic look. “I do apologize, Father...As my father said, we could continue next sermon...Or if needed, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I stopped by after school?” You look to your father. “It was an intriguing conversation, I’d love to be able to finish it soon.”

Walking to the door, you watch your father nod and turn his back to leave. As he starts walking away, you quickly give Cronus your phone number, jumping slightly as he grabs your ass. You speed walk to catch up to your father, cheeks faintly tinted pink.

As you both get into the car, you remember he had mentioned Karkat was ill. “How is Karkat…? Did he overeat? Does he have a cold?” You fidget, looking at your father anxiously.

His reply comes softly. “He’s fine. I lied, because something told me you were in danger, or something bad would happen if I had let you stay longer.” Your sigh of relief becomes a glare.

“You lied? To Father Ampora? To me? All because of a feeling?” You can’t help the frustration in your voice. “I thought Karkat was ill, and you had me worried for him, over a feeling!?”

Your father glares at you, the harsh look making you shift uncomfortably as he starts the car. “My apologies, father..i did not mean to speak so...unjustly of you. I’ll refrain from doing so in the future.”

The apology seems to satisfy him, and the drive home is in silence. The car pulls into your driveway, and you almost sprint to your room. Your door shuts behind you and you lock it, quickly stripping down and curling up in your sheets. Sleep comes easily, your dreams full of sex and priests.

Chapter Text

The next morning, you wake up, and cry. You cry because you're a pathetic filthy boy, corrupted by sinful, disgusting thoughts of another man. When you're done, you take a shower. Making it as hot as you could stand, you stand under the water, flinching away a few times till your skin has accepted its fate. You stand there for several minutes, thinking about nothing, doing nothing. Just enjoying being under the water for a while. Enjoying the feeling of the water pounding your back, and focusing on the way it slides down your body. Listening to the sounds outside of the bathroom, of your brother and father getting ready for the day. Your brother's music blaring throughout the house. You hear your father tell him to turn it down, and keep it to himself. After several more minutes of this, you finally painstakingly wash yourself. From head to toe, you almost smother yourself in soap, taking extra care with your hair. Rinsing it all off and putting conditioner in it. Pulling your hair all on top of your head, you sigh and let the conditioner soak in and do its job. A knock on the door startles you, Karkat's voice coming through, “Hey, hurry up. You aren’t the only one that needs a shower, and I have school soon.. Plus Dad’s getting impatient.” You sigh and give him a hurried reply while rinsing off. “I’m almost done, hang on.”. Making sure everything was rinsed off well enough, you turn the shower off to the sound of karkat hurrying back to his room for his towel and a change of clothes. Taking your own towel from under the sink, you pat yourself off, being extra careful with your hair, as it tended to frizz when you were aggressive with drying it. Looking into the steamed mirror, you could only see a blurry version of you. A pale, skinny boy with dark hair. You barely looked like Karkat or you father and it had led to rumors from family growing up. That you weren’t actually his son. That he had cheated on your mom or that you were adopted. Getting dressed, you leave the bathroom, a billowing cloud of steam leaving with you. Karkat watched, frowning as he often does. “If you used all the hot water, I’m stealing your phone and telling dad your secret.” You give him a confused look and he pushes past you, shaking your head before heading to the living room. Your father sat dressed and ready to take Karkat to school. He looks up from his book, to look you in the eye. “Are you planning on getting any other friends soon? The three you have aren’t exactly my choice. You could at least make friends with someone NOT from our church. As ridiculous as that seems, I’m not going to force you to stay at the church when you’re older.” He must’ve seen the grimace on your face, because he followed it with “Kankri. You know I’ve told you when you turn 18 you can make your own choices. I am not your master, nor do I want to be. You are your own. You control your fate. That is your right as a person. I was raised MUCH differently. Forced to go and worship. Forced to be devout, and it is among the reasons why we don’t live near your grandfather. You’ve heard the story about me running away and not speaking to him till a few years before your birth? I don’t want that for you and Karkat. I want you to have more freedom, but I also want to keep you safe. Kankri, religion is a part of this family, but I don’t want you to feel like it's a cage. “ You nod. “I…I’m sorry…I don’t mean to make you feel like him…I just” Your voice drops in volume as you continue. “I don’t think you are like him, I’m just worried that if I am given that choice,. I might do something that will disappoint you, and make you leave me behind.” His expression softens and he approaches you, pulling you into a hug. “Kankri…Giving you freedom is accepting whatever choices you decide to make.” He ruffles your hair gently. “Please don’t feel like every choice you make HAS to please me. You aren’t me, and it’d be insane to assume you’ll be just like me. You’re my son, not my clone. You are unique and deserve to feel loved and safe here. “ Karkat getting out of the shower made you both look to the bathroom. “Now, I have to go drop your brother off soon, so please collect yourself, and make sure you have everything ready for classes today, since I won't be able to drop off left behind supplies.” You hadn’t even realized you were crying till he pointed it out, hot tears dripping from your eyes and leaving trails down your face. You sniffed, and went to the kitchen to avoid Karkats prodding. Why were you crying? You weren’t in trouble, he wasn’t mad at you, so why did you feel the pit forming in your stomach. Why did you feel guilty? Why did you feel scared? Your thoughts flash back to church and the events of yesterday and you feel your cheeks get hot. You know you should tell your father, as that’s the right thing to do, but…you didn’t want to. Those moments made you feel more wanted and you felt more belonging there, at his feet than you did ever before in your life. As your father wished you goodbye, and shut the door, you hurriedly texted your friend Porrim, seeking some mind of comfort or answers. ‘Porrim, quick. I need help . Not in danger just…feeling confused about my me. ‘ Her response came a few minutes later, her quick reply already giving you some comfort. ‘What’s up, Kan? Did Something happen??? Why confusion?’ 'I'm okay. Just... How do you know if you're .... Gay. Like how can you tell for sure. I know you're bisexual. So you have some experience here.' 'Oh. Uh. Well. I understand why your confused now. There's a few different ways you could know. Dating or having sex with women but realizing you don't actually feel that attraction is the most common. But some people know when they see a man their attracted to, and it lights something in their mind and heart. It can also happen at any time. Whether now or later in life. Why? xoxo' You spent some time pondering her text and wiping leftover tears away with your sleeve. The "why" at end tugging your attention. Porrim knee she was bisexual by middle school, her crushes on boy and girls were almost equal and shes currently dating a girl. So it makes you wonder if she's known this about you the whole time and was just waiting on you to catch up. 'Porrim. I think.... '. Your fingers hover over the keyboard of your phone, anxiety leaping into your throat. 'I think I'm gay.'