Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“And here is today’s mail, Ms. Sugardust.” Bradley said as he placed a stack of letters on Kyu’s desk.

“Thank you, Bradley.” Kyu replied. “Now, let’s see what we got here. Bill, bill, advertisement for male enhancement, bill…”

Kyu paused on a white envelope sealed with a shield-shaped wax stamp. The stamp’s insignia was of a peacock spreading its wings, its long tail draping beneath it like a dress.

“A peacock?” Bradley asked.

“My family’s coat of arms…” Kyu replied matter-of-factly.

“Coat of arms?” Bradley asked.

“The symbol of my estate.” Kyu said as she ripped open the envelope and read the letter inside, looking unusually somber as she did.

“Wait, I’m sorry, you have an estate?” Bradley asked.

“Yes, Bradley, I have an estate.” Kyu replied with a roll of her eyes as she tucked the letter into her coat pocket and stood up. “I’m going out of town for a week.”

“Where are you going?” Bradley asked.

“Britain.” Kyu replied as she went over to her personal closet and began packing clothes and sex toys into a suit case.

“Britain?!” Bradley asked. “Why?!”

“Cuz, that’s where my estate is.” Kyu replied. “Come on, Bradley. Keep up.”

“You have an estate in Britain?!” Bradley asked. “I’ve been filing your taxes for two years and you’ve NEVER mentioned this?!”

“Jesus, Brad, why are you freaking out so much?” Kyu asked.

“Because I could be tried as an accomplice to TAX FRAUD!!!” Bradley shouted.

“Dude, relax.” Kyu scolded. “Technically, it’s not even mine. It belonged to my great great great great grandmother - Madame Kyu Sugardust the Fifth.”

Bradley paused and crunched some numbers in his head. “So, your full name is Kyu Sugardust the Eleventh?” he asked.

“What? No, don’t be stupid. It’s just Kyu.” Kyu said. “That name went out of fashion at the turn of the twentieth century. It wasn’t until the 80’s rolled around that my family started using it again.”

“…Uh-huh.” Bradley said. “Wait, if you’re gone, who’s going to be in charge?”

“Lola - like the last time I went on an extended vacation, remember?” Kyu asked.

“Uh…Lola’s on vacation herself, actually” Bradley pointed out. “She won’t be back for another week either.”

“…Oh.” Kyu said. “Shit. Uh…” Kyu scrunched up her face and snapped her fingers a few times, trying to will a brilliant solution into existence. “Okay, fuck it - you’re in charge.”

“Me?!” Bradley asked. “But-but-but-“

“Don’t burn the business down!” Kyu said as she slammed her suitcase down. “Welp! I’m off! See you in a week!”

“You’re leaving right now?!” Bradley asked.

“Relax, you’ll do fine.” Kyu said. “Probably.” And on that final note, she slammed the door to her office shut, and was presumably already on her way to her car and then to the airport. It was then that the phone on Kyu’s desk started ringing. Bradley was too petrified to pick it up. It then went to message.

“Kyu!” Jessie’s voice came. “Hate to be a bother hun, but me and Marlena are getting ready for a stream together and…well…we need more lube. A LOT more lube. Kisses!”

Bradley whimpered in response.

*****

Kyu was thankfully wealthy enough to afford a first class seat aboard the plane. It would be at least a twelve-hour flight from Glenberry to London, and there was no way she was spending that much time in coach. The sun had started to set by the time the plane took off, which meant she wouldn’t arrive in the UK until morning. Well, morning by Glenberry time. By London time, it would be mid-to-late afternoon. Timezones, man.

Kyu’s evening was then spent doing air plane stuff. Eating food that was just shy of tasting right, reading a book she brought, watching a totally bland movie from 2005 about a down-on-his-luck basketball coach coaching a middle school team (whatever happened to Martin Lawrence anyway?), you know - the usual ways of killing time.

Eventually though, they stopped serving the drinks, passengers leaned their seats back, put on their night masks and called it a night. Kyu followed suit, recognizing there wasn’t jack shit else to do until morning. As she drifted off to sleep, she smiled at the thought that she would soon return to her family estate. She hadn’t been there since the 90’s.

Yes, the 90’s. She remembered those years well. The country’s economy had been the strongest it had ever been. Fashion, music, and entertainment were all at their peak. And dozens of exciting, game-changing technologies were on the horizon as a new century was getting ready to dawn.

“Those were the days…” Kyu sighed. “Those were the days…”

*********************
London, England
1898
*********************

“Boss? Wake up, boss! You fell asleep at your desk again!”

Madame Kyu Sugardust (the fifth) sat up straight as Business Maid poked her awake with the designated wake-up stick. “I’m up!” the pink-haired business tycoon said as she rubbed her eyes. “What time is it?”

“Quarter to ten, Boss.” Business Maid said as she checked the grandfather clock Madame Sugardust always kept in her office.

“Bugger!” Kyu swore as she stood up and brushed the wrinkles out of her hot pink dress. “I’ve got a meeting with Antoine in the bear office in less than an hour! And then I need to relieve Vlad at the factory - poor man must’ve been working all night last night! Though maybe he didn’t mind so much - the man is so nocturnal I swear he’s a vampire. Has Samuel returned from Cairo yet? Please say no, I can NOT deal with his stories right now. EGADS!!! I JUST REMEMBERED THAT THE GALA IS TONIGHT!!!”

“Boss.” Business Maid said as she grabbed Kyu’s shoulders. “You overslept. It’s not the end of the world. Just take a few deep breaths…”

Kyu nodded and followed her trusted maid’s advice. After a few deep breaths, she was calm. “…I need some bloody tea.” she said.

“Excellent idea, boss.” Business Maid replied. Kyu grabbed her bell off the desk and rang it.

A minute later, a giant man with uncovered, muscular arms and silver mustache burst through the door with a crash and a platter of tea. “I heard the bell! I’m here for either tea or combat!” Battle Butler said.

“Tea.” Kyu demanded.

“Tea it is, then!” Battle Butler said as he presented the platter to Kyu. The pink-haired madame took a cup of tea and sipped it to pour her nerves. Two teaspoons of sugar, just the way she liked it.

“You alright now, boss?” Business Maid asked.

“Yes.” Kyu replied. “Bang up to the elephant, and all that, I assure you.”

“Good.” Business Maid said. “Shall we get down to business?”

“We shall.” Kyu said as she set her tea down for a moment, walked up to her office windows and threw open the curtains, revealing her grand estate - a luxurious manor sat atop a hill on the outskirts of London. One could see the skyline of the city in the distance, whilst Big Ben chimed as the clock struck ten, prompting a sigh from Kyu. “No time for breakfast right now. Business Maid, bring me the phone - I need to call the factory and tell Mr. Nebblesome that Ms. Shufflebottom will be on her way to relieve him. Where is Ms. Shufflebottom, by the way?”

“She should be done with her early morning bear wrestling by now.” Business Maid said as she presented Kyu with the phone.

“Most excellent.” Kyu said as she grabbed the phone and dialed the factory. “Battle Butler, go find her and escort her to the factory.”

“On it, Boss!” Battle Butler said as he opened up the window and leapt through it, running through the manor gardens. An impressive feat, given they were three stories up.

“Oh my.” Business Maid said.

“Frankly I’m just happy he remembered to open the window before doing that.” Kyu said as she listened to the other end ring. “Who says you can’t teach an old battle butler new tricks?” The other end picked up. “Vlad? It’s Kyu. Sorry for my tardiness, I hope you aren’t too deprived of sleep?”

“Don’t worry, Madame.” Vlad replied. “The sleep deprivation actually gave me an opportunity to test the effects of insomnia on the libido.”

“Ah! And how did that experiment go?” Kyu asked.

“I’ve been strangely attracted to grapefruit for the last three hours.” Vlad said. “However, it is uncertain if the insomnia is directly responsible for this new fetish, or it simply came about as I experimented with other fruits in my delirium.”

“Oh my.” Kyu replied. “Vlad, darling, once Fanny gets there, go take a nap please. Don’t forget, we’ve got a gala tonight, which means I need all of my executives to look their very best. You know, as opposed to acting like a half-rat from lack of sleep?”

“As you wish, Madame…” Vlad replied with a sigh. “I suppose I’ll have to continue my insomnia experiments another time.”

“Right then. See you at the gala.” Kyu said as she hung up. “Business Maid, prepare my carriage. I must be in London Square within the hour.”

“Right away, boss!” Business Maid dutifully replied.

A few moments later, Madame Kyu Sugardust the Fifth climbed into her cab and rode into London Town. She took a look out the window at all the oak trees, whose leaves had begun turning differing shades of red, yellow, and orange. Summer was over and Autumn was now in full swing. She sighed. She had hoped to reclaim most of her stolen assets before year’s end, but that goal was looking increasingly untenable. No matter. She would reclaim what was rightfully hers, no matter how long it took.

As London’s skyline grew taller and taller ahead, the tycoon smiled to herself. Another day of doing good business laid ahead. Another day to conquer her competition and revel in the spoils. Another day of courting the desires of men, the jealousy of women, and the desires of women who secretly didn’t much care for the moral sensibilities of late 19th century England.

And Kyu Sugardust couldn’t wait to start. Once it reached its location, the carriage came to a stop and Kyu stepped out.

“Let’s get down to business…” she said.

Chapter Text

First thing’s first - the executive offices on the west side of the square. She had a meeting with one Antoine Hardmeat and she had no intention of keeping him waiting. She checked the clock on Big Ben and smiled. She was right on time. Provided, of course, nothing else made her late.

And that’s when a crossbow bolt whizzed by her head and struck the carriage. “Ah, Ms. Starling! You’ve missed me.”

“Yes, but my aim’s getting better.” Summer Starling said as she loaded another bolt into her crossbow and fired again. It missed, hitting the carriage again. She looked down at the crossbow. “The sights on this thing are off…”

“I sense that you are trying to lodge a formal complaint.” Kyu said as she ascended the steps up to the entrance to the offices. “Is the eagle office not up to dick?”

“No, no, it’s perfectly dicky.” Summer replied. “I was simply hoping to invite you to a date this evening. I was thinking we could spend the night in this quaint little cabin I’ve rented in the woods, far from civilization…and witnesses…” she muttered that last bit under her breath.

“Can’t. The Autumn Gala is tonight, remember?” Kyu pointed out.

“Ah, of course.” Summer said. “Tomorrow night, then?”

“Looking forward to it.” Kyu said as she gave Summer her patented wink as she headed inside the executive office. Kyu liked Summer. Sure, the other executives might have found her to be a bit standoffish, but Kyu found the occasional attempt on her life exhilarating - it made for good exercise, if nothing else. Besides, she knew it was all in good fun on Summer’s part as well - if she truly wanted Kyu dead, she’d be dead by now.

She made her way up to the bear office where Antoine Hardmeat worked. Good lad, that one - young, handsome, and a prince from a small country adjacent to Prussia! Honestly, the lad should be fighting off suitors with sticks. Alas, the poor boy gets nervous easily.

And here was a perfect example - as Kyu knocked on the office door, she heard a startled yelp, followed by the sounds of things crashing to the floor, followed by the sounds of more panicked yelling. She giggled. He was adorable, really. The door opened a crack and a blonde head peeked out. “Madame Sugardust! H-hello!”

“Antoine, darling, we’ve been over this. Just call me Kyu.” Kyu replied.

“Oh! Sorry! Sorry! Come in, Madame Su-Kyu! Madame Kyu! Boss Kyu!” Antoine stuttered as he opened the door for the pink-haired mogul and let her into the bear office. True to its name, the office featured a massive stuffed grizzly bear, standing on its hind legs and silently roaring, right next to the desk. Antoine pulled out a seat for Kyu and once she was seated, he took a seat himself.

“Right then! So, I’ve some very good news for you, Madame Kyu!” Antoine said. “I’ve closed the Jefferson deal for fifty thousand!”

“Capital! Well done, Antoine!” Kyu cheered. “This calls for a celebration! We’ll all have a small toast in your honor at the gala tonight.”

“Gala?!” Antoine gasped. “That was tonight?! I-I-I thought-”

“Oh come on, Antoine, you’ve nothing to be poked up about, I promise.” Kyu said. “So how about you quit being a nervous nelly?”

“Nervous nelly is my true nature, madame.” Antoine said. Kyu could do nothing but sigh at that.

*****

After the meeting with Antoine was complete, the next stop was the gym. No doubt Max Gentlemen would be there, as physical training was easily his favorite activity, which worked out swimmingly for Kyu, as he was easily one of her best…’negotiators’ for it.

She entered the gym and spotted Max by the boxing bag, casually smacking it about. He was shirtless, showing off every muscle, finely sculpted by a lifetime of adventure. On top of that, his hair was combed into perfect shape, and his grand mustache was trimmed to perfection. His was truly the image of masculinity perfected.

And yet, there was something…more about him. Kyu wasn’t quite sure what it was, but she had her suspicions.

Max smiled at Kyu as she approached, gave the bag one last whack, and grabbed a towel as he walked over. “Good morning, boss!” Max greeted as he padded the sweat from his brow. Kyu bit her lip as she took a moment to appreciate the way his torso positively shined when it was covered in sweat.

“Morning to you, Max…” Kyu purred. “Just thought I’d stop by and check on you.”

“I’m doing quite well madame.” Max replied. “I’m nearly done with my morning routine, and I’ll be ready for today’s business acquisition!”

“Oh no need to worry about that, Max.” Kyu replied. “Pip’s already handling that.”

“What?!” Max demanded.

“Oh yes - she’s actually meeting with Gordon’s Ironworks in the park as we speak.” Kyu replied.

“What?!” Max demanded again. “I must run to her aid!”

“Oh come now, Max. Pip is much tougher than-“ Too late. Max jumped out the window in the middle of Madame Kyu’s sentence and made a mad dash for the park. Unlike Battle Butler, Max wasn’t as much a fan of opening windows before jumping through them. Kyu sighed as she headed back outside, opened up her parasol to keep the sun out of her face, and headed over to the park. Best to make sure they don’t get murdered.

*****

“Take this!” Pip Whipple cried out as she kicked a ruffian in the kneecap. “And that!” she cried as she followed it up with an uppercut to the jaw. Pip Whipple was easily one of the scrappiest executives working for Madame Sugardust, which made her excellent in ‘negotiations’ such as these.

“Tallyho!” Max Gentlemen cried out as he flew through the air and delivered a kick to another ruffian. Someone threw empty beer bottles at the two, but Max blocked them with his pecs.

“Max!” Pip said. “Glad you could make it!”

“Apologies, Pip! I was unaware you had already started negotiations!” Max said as he knocked another goon’s lights out. “Madame Sugardust should’ve informed me about this meeting! Why, I’ve half a mind to lodge a complaint!”

“Give it up!” cried Gordon Ramshackle, CEO of Gordon’s Ironworks. “We’ve got you outnumbered!” Gordon’s goons surrounded Max and Pip, forcing them to stand back to back.

“This doesn’t look too good…” Pip nervously replied.

“Relax, my friend. I’ve punched my way out of worse scraps than this!” Max assured.

“Aw, did you start the party without me~”

Max and Pip turned their heads to the park entrance, where the voluptuous figure of one BonBon Von Valentine stood…

With a whole army of workers standing behind her.

“Dear friends, please escort these people out of the park.” BonBon said. With a battlecry, her own goons stormed the park, chasing Gordon’s goons off with sticks, stones, and unkind words.

“BonBon!” Pip said as she rushed over to give the courtesan a hug. “You came just in time!”

“That was hardly necessary.” Max harrumphed. “I could’ve handled them easily!”

“I know you could’ve, Max darling.” BonBon pouted. “But I wanted to have a little fun too~”

As the three executives talked gayly amongst themselves, Madame Sugardust picked her way through the carnage, until she found Gordon Ramshackle cowering in a bush. She then produced a document and presented it to him. “If you would care to sign here, please.”

“What is this?” Gordon asked as he took the document and read it.

“An acquisition form. I’m buying out your business.” Kyu said with one hand on your hip. “And please, before you object, consider my three executives have hospitalized most of your employees, and can easily do the same to you.”

“You…you can’t do this!” Gordon argued. “You can’t take over other businesses through violence!”

“I can, I will, and I’ve already done so several times. I’m rich and eccentric.” Kyu replied. Recognizing he had been beat, Gordon Ramshackle had no choice but to sign over his business to Sugardust Enterprises - the largest and fastest-rising investment firm in all London.

“Pleasure doing business with you.” Kyu said as she took the signed paper back.

And not to be outdone by her own executives, she punched Gordon right across the jaw, prompting a ‘hip hip hoorah’ from Max, Pip, and BonBon.

*****

Right. With that done, Kyu proceeded to her next stop - the Bank of London. This was where much of Kyu’s fortune was made, buying and selling stocks and trade secrets and collateral and other types of business words that commoners know nothing about (least of all the commoner writing this dreck).

It was there that she met up with her primary stockbroker, Penny Farthing. The redheaded woman waved to Kyu as she walked over. “Kyu! Spectacular timing, I’ve discovered a business venture that we simply MUST invest in!”

“Oh did you?” Kyu asked.

“Indeed!” Penny replied. “Two words, Madame - Powered Flight!”

“Powered flight?” Kyu asked.

“Indeed!” Penny went on. “There’s a pair of brothers in America who are working on designs for something they call an ‘airplane’ and I think it could be the next big thing.”

“Hmmmm…” Kyu hummed, unfolding a paper fan and fanning herself in thought. “Go ahead and throw a few hundred their way, Ms. Farthing. I’m curious to see where this ‘airplane’ idea goes.”

“Capital!” Penny cheered. “I knew you’d agree! We are of a kind, you and I.”

“And what kind would that be?” Kyu asked with a raised eyebrow.

“We are forward thinkers!” Penny replied. “While others cling to the so-called ‘old ways’ the way babes cling to their blankets, we are not afraid to journey beyond the cradle and embrace the future with open arms!”

She locked arms with Kyu and began walking off. “Come along, Madame! The future awaits, and it is a GLORIOUS one!”

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

Kyu sighed as she disembarked off the airplane and into London International Airport. Having just the one carry-on bag, she marched past baggage claim and out the door, catching a bus that would take her to her rental car lot. Once all the papers were signed, she left the lot in a 2018 Bentley Continental GT. Because driving around London in anything besides a Bentley just felt wrong to her. Shame they only had one in blue.

Once she hopped in and started driving through the streets of London, she turned on the radio. Just her luck, it was the news. “India has been reporting more than 200,000 cases daily since the 15th of April. In response, Delhi has announced a week-long lockdown and Prime Minister Johnson has officially added India to the travel red list.”

Kyu sighed.

“In other news, Home Secretary Priti Patel is asking permission from MPs to outlaw the neo-nazi group ‘Atomwaffen Division.’ This would make Atomwaffen the fourth neo-nazi group to be banned in the UK.”

Kyu grunted.

“Finally, rumors abound that, on his death bed, Prince Philip just randomly shouted a bunch of racial epithets. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have expressed that they are deeply offended, and plan to go into great detail about it in their new podcast, sponsored by Dollar Shave Club.”

Kyu snarled as she finally changed the channel, grateful for a little Elton John. “Glorious future…” she bitterly grumbled to herself.

*****

Lola Rembrite was your textbook military brat. Air force brat, to be more specific. And like a lot of air force brats, Lola moved around a lot as a child, never staying in one town for more than a few years. Some would say that that was bad for a child’s development, not really being in one place long enough to lay down roots, but in all honesty, it never really bothered Lola all that much.

In fact, she liked moving around a bunch. She liked seeing a whole new part of the country every time her father got deployed to a new posting. She had traveled the country from coast to coast before she even graduated middle school, and it always struck her as strange that people seemed to feel sorry for her because of it. She always saw it as something to be proud of.

Really, the only negative psychological effect that she’d be willing to acknowledge as a consequence of that upbringing was that it gave her a bad case of wanderlust - a thirst for adventure that was never quite satisfied. But so what if she gets antsy from living in one place for more than a few years? That’s nothing the occasional vacation can’t fix.

And so, it was with that thought in mind that she took a plane to Britain for a week.

After a long flight and a short bus ride, she eventually arrived in RAF Tulford - a Royal Air Force station near the village of Tulford in Suffolk, about a forty minutes’ drive from London. Despite being an RAF station, it was actually one of several RAF bases that hosted United States Air Force units and personnel, including one Colonel Jeremiah Rembrite.

“Hello, daddy.” Lola said as she gave her father a hug after meeting him in his office.

“Lola!” the aging colonel replied as he returned the hug. “How’ve you been, girl?”

Like most senior officers, Colonel Rembrite was an imposing, intimidating man most of the time, but he always dropped the act around his baby girl. Pinned to the breast of his uniform were several medals he earned throughout both Gulf Wars. His hair was short, bushy, and turning grey, but he was still built like a truck, able to knock someone’s block off should the need arise. “What are you doing in Britain?” he asked.

“I recently came upon some vacation time, and thought I’d drop by for a visit.” she replied with a smile as they separated from the hug.

“Not just me, I’ll bet.” the colonel replied. “Catch up with any of your school mates yet?”

“Not yet…” she replied with a smirk. Admittedly, she DID have ulterior motives for coming to Britain. She spent her high school years in this country, and made a few friends in the process, and it was one of them that she came here to see. But she couldn’t visit Britain without saying hello to family.

“I know that look.” the man said. “That’s your ‘I’m up to something’ look. It’s the look you got when you swiped all those chocolates out of the bucket while everyone had their back turned.”

Lola giggled. One of her earliest memories was when she was five years old. Grandma came to the Christmas party with a bucket full of wrapped-up chocolates of all kinds. Stealing from it wasn’t easy, since nearly the whole Rembrite clan was there. However, she monitored it at all times and, when there was a rare moment when no one else was in the living room, she grabbed a chair and stood on it, grabbed the bucket from the high-up shelf, took as much as she can stuff into her pockets, put the bucket back, put the chair back, then stash the chocolates in her room before anyone even knew what had happened.

It was, and still is, the perfect crime.

“You’ve caught me. I came with ulterior motives.” Lola said. “Remember my fashion boutique idea?”

“You’re still working on that?” he asked as he sat back down at his desk.

“Of course. I haven’t given up yet.” Lola replied. “I came here looking to catch up with Henrietta, an old schoolmate. She’s a big-shot investment banker and she MIGHT be willing to make an investment in me.”

“Didn’t your bank give you a loan?” Colonel Rembrite asked.

Lola sighed. “They…considered it. But then the pandemic hit, the economy crashed, and the bank had to tighten its belt just to survive. They canceled my loan, which means I have to find some other way to get my boutique off the ground.”

“Oof.” Colonel Rembrite replied with a wince. “Sorry to hear that, sweetie. I’d help you out, but I think I left my checkbook somewhere back in New York.”

“Don’t bother, you know I’m not one of those girls who goes crying to daddy at every little inconvenience.” Lola replied. “Anyway, I’m heading back into London tonight. I received a text from Henrietta and she’s already agreed to meet with me.”

“You’re heading back to London already?” he asked. “Thought maybe you’d like to stay in Tulford for a while. I could get you a room at the inn.”

Lola gave her father an apologetic smile. “Sorry daddy, but Henri’s schedule is packed. I was lucky to get her to agree to a meeting at all. I can’t make her wait or reschedule.”

The old flyboy nodded. “I understand. Good luck, sweetie.”

“Thanks, daddy.” Lola said as her father gave her a firm handshake. “It was good to see your face again.”

“Likewise.” he replied with a smile.

Chapter Text

It had been years since the last time Kyu was in London. So much had changed. Oh sure, the city like to wear the cloak of history, but one look at the average citizen, dressed in hoodies and noses buried in their smart phone, revealed the truth - this was a modern, twenty-first century city.

She sighed. The 90’s had such high hopes for the twenty-first century. The final triumph of democracy over tyranny. Technology progressing in fantastic new directions. An eternally-prosperous global economy eventually lifting the whole world out of poverty. So many things that were supposed to happen just…didn’t. Instead, the last twenty-odd years have been checkered with terrorism, political unrest, and the only real technological innovation was a system that was supposed to enable instant global communication and bring the world closer together, but instead enabled people to be anonymous assholes to each other and allowed damaging falsehoods to travel around the world ‘before the truth can even get its pants on’ as Winston Churchill once quipped. He was talking about newspapers at the time, but it’s become even more relevant with the rise of fake news.

The twenty-first century was supposed to be better than this, damn it.

“I need a fucking drink.” Kyu grumble. She turned into downtown London, hoping an old pub was still open. When she saw it, she smiled for the first time since the plane landed.

The Horny Badger - Kyu’s favorite pub in the whole East End. It had been open for well over a hundred years, the window still stained with the old-timey image of one badger humping another. You go, you funky badger.

She pulled into the parking lot and stepped through the doors.

*********************
London, England
1898
*********************

Kyu stepped through the doors of the upper class manor with a contented smile on her face. Surrounded by nobles and entrepreneurs getting increasingly drunk on champagne, she was very much in her element.

Lady Gobblebottom was the one hosting the Autumn Gala this year, and Kyu had to say, she really went all out. Garland made from freshly-fallen leaves draped around the walls and the ceilings and among the many refreshments available was a strange concoction that was made with something the good lady called ‘pumpkin spice.’ This seemed unlikely, as pumpkins have no spice to speak of within them, and the very notion seemed a crime against nature.

Regardless, she didn’t JUST come here for the champagne, the wine and dine, and the possible abominations in the eyes of God. She also came here in search of a new business executive to bring into her enterprise. These galas attract entrepreneurs from all over the world, making them ideal places to find new recruits. She didn’t plan on going home without somebody wrapped around her arm, and for once, she wasn’t merely implying sexual congress.

So one can imagine her displeasure at the sight of…him at the Autumn Gala.

”Puck.” she hissed as she spotted her green-haired business partner-turned-lover-turned-ex-lover-turned-business-rival chatting up the good Lady Gobblebottom on the other side of the hall.

“Oh dear.” Business Maid said as she spotted the green-haired man too, clad in his usual green tuxedo. “He must be here to recruit new executives, much like you are.”

“Shall I go give him a thrashing, madame?” Battle Butler asked.

“No need.” Kyu replied. “I can handle him myself. Indeed, I’ve got a few things to say to that meater’s giggle mug…” And on that note, she marched over to Puck resolutely.

Kyu approached Puck just in time. The lady he had been chatting up earlier had broken off to chase a tray of h’ourderves, allowing Puck to give Kyu his full attention as she approached. “Ah, Kyu. I didn’t know you’d be in attendance tonight.” he said with a smile.

“Much like I didn’t know you’d be in attendance tonight, Puck.” Kyu replied with a smile of her own. From the outside, these were the smiles of old friends meeting up, but in truth, these were the masks of two street dogs who would’ve gladly torn each other to pieces were it not for all this polite company.

Puck looked around. “Shall we go to the balcony? I’d like to discuss something in a more private setting.”

“But of course!” Kyu replied, eager to move somewhere that didn’t have as many witnesses. The two locked arms and made their way out of the banquet hall and toward the balcony. Kyu looked over the rails and discovered, much to her dismay, that they weren’t really high enough up that throwing Puck off the railing would kill him. Blast.

“I imagine I have some explaining to do.” Puck said in a slightly hushed voice.

“Too right you do!” Kyu snapped, not caring nearly as much about discretion because sod it, she has money. “You STOLE my BUSINESS from me, Puck! Literally! I didn’t even know you could DO that! Gimme one good reason why I shouldn’t batty-fang you right now!”

“…Batty-fang?” Puck asked.

Kyu rolled her eyes. “It’s human slang, Puck. Means I’ll thrash ya.”

“I figured as much.” Puck replied. “The fact that such human colloquialisms seem to come so naturally to you is a testament to just how long you’ve been living among these mortals. It’s a wonder you haven’t gone mad yet.”

He pauses and smiles that giggle-mug of his. “Although, word around the Seelie Court is, you already have. It wouldn’t surprise me. Living in a city, surrounded by so much iron? That can’t be good for your health.”

“I’m bang up the elephant, thank you very much.” Kyu huffed.

Puck was silent.

“Means I’m fine.” Kyu translated. “Bleedin’ hell, Puck. It’s 1898. Get with the times already.”

“Human calendars have no meaning to me, Kyu.” Puck said. “And they shouldn’t have any meaning to you either. We’re ageless. Immortal. These humans are as rodents compared to us.”

“Could rodents build all THIS?” Kyu argued, gesturing at the grand manor before them.

“Ah, my mistake - they’re closer to ants.” Puck corrected. “The anthills and nests they build may be impressive, but they are QUAINT compared to the beauty of our Court.”

“If you like the court so much, then what are ya doin’ here?” Kyu asked.

Puck paused for a moment, which actually caught Kyu off guard herself. She was fully expecting yet another smarmy reply that openly looked down on humanity. Instead, she had unwittingly caught Puck off-balance. Curious.

“That’s…actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” Puck said. “…I cannot return to the Court. I am stranded here.”

Kyu blinked. THAT was unexpected. “You get kicked out?”

“No. The Court didn’t kick me out. Rather, there is…something in the human world that prevents me from leaving it.” Puck said.

Curiouser and curiouser. “What’s keepin’ ya here?” she asked.

“…I cannot say.” Puck replied.

Kyu was a clever one. She always was. Even with only that vaguest of hints, it didn’t take long for her to put the pieces together in her mind. And when she did, she grinned ear to ear, then had a good, hearty laugh at Puck’s expense.

“Well well well. The master of deals got out-dealt, did he?” she giggled. “All your talk of how you’re so ‘superior’ to humans, yet one managed to get one over on ya!”

Puck’s expression soured, but he was otherwise silent, which was all the confirmation she needed. “Alright, so whodunnit?”

“You know I can’t say.” Puck replied.

Kyu scoffed. “Course ya can’t. You’re bound by the ‘ancient rules.’” Her scowl however, quickly turned back into a gloating smile. “Which means THEY probably know the ancient rules too! Oh, whoever got you got you GOOD, didn’t they?”

“More than I’d like to admit, yes.” Puck replied.

“No worries. I don’t mind guessing.” Kyu replied. “Let’s see. To start with, they must know their fairy lore VERY well, which tells me they’re either very well read, or very poor.”

“Poor?” Puck asked.

“It’s the common folk who believe in us more than the upper class, I’ve noticed.” Kyu replied. “…Though from your reply, you seemed surprised at the suggestion of ‘poor’, which tells me that whoever it is ISN’T poor. Possibly quite wealthy.”

Puck could do nothing but remain stone-faced. He couldn’t even nod. The ancient rules kept him from doing or saying anything to confirm or deny Kyu’s theories - deliberately, at least. Kyu began to pace around the balcony as she continued puzzling it out.

“So, it’s NOT a commoner who has you under their thumb.” Kyu went on. “Which means it’s someone middle class. Or maybe even upper class.” she glanced at Puck’s face for reactions, hoping for a reaction to reveal how close she was getting to the truth. He remained stoic. It wasn’t just the ancient rules compelling his silence - no doubt he also wanted to deny Kyu the satisfaction of having figured it out.

Bloody tease.

“…You’re at the Autumn Gala.” she said, looking up at the manor. “Given your disdain for humans, you wouldn’t come here unless you had to. So why’d you come? What is it you need from here?”

Silence.

“You wanted to speak with me. So surely your reasons for being here have something to do with me.”

More silence.

“…And you’re not allowed to say. The contract FORBIDS YOU from telling me, doesn’t it?”

Yet more silence.

“Well if you’re forbidden, then why even bother? Why did you even bring me out to the balcony to begin with if you can’t say nothin’ and all I can do is…guess.”

Eureka!

“Ah-ha! You WANT me to guess!” Kyu triumphantly concluded. “You WANT me to figure this out! Hoping I’ll save you, then? Come to your rescue? Oh, you wish. I’m enjoying this too much.”

Puck sighed, but otherwise stayed silent.

“…Hey, wait a tick. Does the contract forbid you from telling ANYONE about the contract…or just me?”

Puck stayed mum.

“…Wait here.” Kyu said as she hurried back into the gala. A minute later, she came back with her trusty Business Maid.

“Who’s she?” Puck asked, breaking his silence for the first time in nearly ten minutes.

“Someone who isn’t me.” Kyu replied. She turned to Business Maid. “Well go on, then. Ask the man.”

“Er…” Business Maid stuttered, not entirely sure what was going on. She cleared her throat. “So…I, not Madame Kyu, I would like to know who you’ve signed a contract with.”

Puck sighed. “Unfortunately, my…’client’ insisted on anonymity.”

“Ah-ha!” Kyu replied, startling the Business Maid. “But you couldn’t give me THAT answer because the contract specifies that you are not to so much as breathe a WORD of it to ME in particular!”

Puck clammed up again.

“But why?” Business Maid asked.

“Good question.” Kyu replied. “Thank you for your assistance, Business Maid. Now shoo! I’m almost done here.”

“Oh…kay.” Business Maid said as she headed back into the gala. Kyu turned back toward Puck, still puzzling it all out.

“So…whoever’s got you under their thumb doesn’t want ME to know it.” Kyu speculated. “Now why is-“

Her words stopped dead, as the engineer in her train of thought pulled on the emergency brake lever.

“…You stole my business on THEIR orders.” Kyu said. “THEY are the true mastermind. You’re just a patsy.”

Puck said nothing, but he did look rather crestfallen. Ashamed, even.

“So. Your ‘client’ is someone who considers me an enemy.” Kyu concluded. “But who? A business rival? Scorned lover? Disgruntled former executive? I have long lists of all three categories, unfortunately, so it could be anyone.”

“…I must go.” Puck said as he began walking back inside. “I fear I may have said too much already.”

“Of course.” Kyu replied. “Wouldn’t want you getting in trouble, now would we? Rest assured though - I WILL get to the bottom of this.”

“You’ll have to get through me first.” Puck warned.

“I had deduced as much.” Kyu replied.

*****

Once that bit of business was concluded, Kyu headed back inside the gala to meet back up with Business Maid. “Hello again, boss.” the maid greeted. “What was all that business with Puck about?”

“I’ve managed to glean some more information about our situation.” Kyu replied. “It would seem that when Puck stole our business, he did not do it entirely of his own accord. Rather, he was compelled to do so by a third party.”

“My word!” Business Maid replied. “Who is the third party?”

“He could not say.” Kyu replied. “But it would seem that, whoever it is, they have some sort of grudge against me. Trouble is, I’ve broken so many hearts and stepped on so many little people over the course of my long career in being rich that, as of yet, I haven’t the foggiest idea who this third party could be.”

“Oh dear. The plot thickens.” Business Maid observed.

“Indeed. I smell a conspiracy afoot. One that goes much further beyond one rivalry between two entrepreneurs.” Kyu replied. “But enough about that. On to more pressing matters. Business Maid, were you able to find a new executive willing to do business with me?”

Business Maid then gave Kyu a triumphant smile. “As a matter of fact, I was! And in the fifteen or so minutes with her since I last spoke with her, I have compiled a complete profile for her!” she said as she handed Kyu a yellow folder.

“Ah! Capital!” Kyu replied as she took the folder and began reading it. “Hmmm, Vicki LeStrange, is it? Says here she runs a shipping company.”

“It’s a bit small, but since shipping is uncharted territory for us, we could easily use her company as a stepping stone!” Business Maid replied.

“Where is she now?” Kyu asked.

“Over there, standing ominously in the corner where all the other gala guests are giving her a wide berth.” Business Maid pointed out.

There, standing in the corner where the rest of the guests were staying far away, was a young woman with long, raven-black hair. She wore a long purple dress and, most eye-catching of all, was wearing a large purple witch’s hat. But even more eye-catching than that was the dark magical aura that seemed to permeate around her, except that’s inaccurate, because it cannot catch the eye on account of being invisible. An aura, you see, isn’t something you see so much as feel. She seemed to be staring off into space, as though seeing something that all these mortals can’t.

She was also VERY attractive, which did not slip past Kyu’s notice. “Oh, she is a jammy bit of jam, isn’t she?” she asked before biting her lip. She handed the maid her folder back. “Wait here. I’ll go work my magic…”

Kyu walked up to the Ms. LeStrange, much to the shock of other gala-goers (because they were fairly certain she was a LITERAL WITCH, and to be fair, they likely weren’t wrong) and introduced herself. “Vicki LeStrange, is it? Madame Kyu Sugardust, Sugardust Enterprises, THE leading investment company on all the British Isles.”

“Charmed.” Vicki replied as she curtsied. “I’ve been expecting you.”

“Have you, now?” Kyu asked.

“The stars foretold our meeting tonight.” Vicki answered.

Kyu raised an eyebrow. “That a fact?”

“Indeed.” Vicki replied. “There is an air of…destiny about you, Madame Sugardust. And I sense that your destiny is destined to become intertwined with my own destiny.”

Kyu couldn’t help but smile. Nothing more adorable than a human who thinks they can commune with the supernatural. “Well then, if it is our destinies to work together anyway, then what say we skip the pleasantries and cut to the part where I hire you?”

“Excellent.” Vicki replies. “Shall we return to your estate?”

Kyu raised her eyebrow again. “Eager to get to work, are we?” she asked.

“Yes. There is much to be done.” Vicki replied.

“Well, I’ve a bit more wining and dining to do.” Kyu said. “But if you’re so eager to go to work, my manor is located on-“

“Fallatio hill, along 6969 Way, yes I’m aware.” Vicki said.

Kyu blinked. “You are?” Vicki gave no verbal response, and instead walked past the CEO and through the crowd. The party-goers gave the strange, off-putting woman a wide berth until she left through the doors and into the night. Kyu chuckled as Battle Butler showed her and Vicki into the carriage.

As the carriage rode up to the Sugardust Estate, Kyu eyed the mysterious young woman up and down, and not just because of her delicious curves (although they certainly helped the task). It was rare - unheard of, even - for a woman who cloaked herself in the occult so openly to be seen among the upper class of London. How did she even get an invitation to the gala, Kyu wondered. Lady Gobblebottom probably thought she’d make for good entertainment.

Well, now she would be Kyu’s entertainment. She smiled at all the fun her and Vicki would have. Yes, she had a feeling that this ‘witch’ was full of surprise. And oh, how Kyu Sugardust the Fifth LOVED surprises!

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

Kyu Sugardust HATED surprises. Especially if they were of the ‘spot a Hunie in a place where there should be no hunies’ variety.

“Shit!” she cursed as she ducked under the table as she spotted Lola taking a seat at a booth on the other side of the pub. What the fuck was Lola doing here?! In fucking BRITAIN of all places?!

Okay girlfriend, don’t panic. Kyu tried to mentally assure herself. She’s probably just on vacation. In fact, yeah, that’s exactly what Bradley said! She was on vacation…..to London, apparently. SHIT! Okay, she hasn’t spotted you yet. Just keep your head down and sneak out…

Luckily for Kyu, she was a master of stealth. And she had just the trick for this exact sort of situation - crawling on her hands and knees across the dirty bar floor, past all the drunkards and out the door.

As she stood up and stretched, she breathed a sigh of relief. If Lola had spotted Kyu, she would’ve done that thing all humans do. Yanno - get curious. Ask questions. Stick her nose where it doesn’t belong. Humans were inquisitive by nature - A theoretically admirable trait that bit them in the ass every so often.

And in this case, asking too many questions would’ve absolutely bitten Lola in the ass. And Lola had such a breathtaking ass, so of course Kyu had to take every precaution to preserve its integrity.

The less Lola knew of the Court’s affairs, the better.

Chapter Text

“Lola, luv, oh it’s been AGES!”

“Good to see you too, Henrietta.”

“Lola, for the last time, call me Henri.”

Henrietta Claridge had done well for herself since secondary school. Despite becoming an investment banker, she looked more like a super model, much to Lola’s complete lack of surprise. The blonde, curvy woman had always been a looker. Even now, her luscious blonde locks were as luscious as ever, her painted red lips full and inviting. She took a seat across from Lola in the booth seat near the back of the Horny Badger.

“So, what have you been up to lately?” Henri asked with her soft Norfolk accent.

“Well, for the last few years I’ve been a….’model’ of sorts….” Lola said, unable to broach the fact that she was technically working in porn.

“Oh yeah, that’s right, you’re a porn star now, aren’t ya?”

…Well, that makes some things simpler.

“…I was trying to be coy, but yes, I AM a cam girl.” Lola replied. “It pays the bills.”

“Oh don’t be modest, I’ve seen a few of your videos, luv - you’re so hot you could make boulders melt.” Henri complimented with a lewd chuckle.

“Thanks for the compliment.” Lola replied. “It’s fun work and good pay, but it’s not exactly a long-term gig. At best, I’ve got about ten years before I’m gonna have to find something else.”

“You don’t consider a decade to be long-term?” the blonde asked.

“You know me, Henri. I’ve always preferred to be prepared.” Lola said. In secondary school, she had a reputation as the model student. She was every teacher’s favorite, she always had the right supplies for the right task, and she always got high marks. Her parents wouldn’t settle for anything less. “That’s actually why I wanted to talk to you. Remember when I told you at graduation about how I wanted to run my own business?”

“Lemme guess - need a bit of help?” Henri asked.

“A business loan to get my fashion boutique off the ground WOULD be helpful.” Lola sighed.

Henri pursed her lips. “Hold on a tick.” she said as she pulled out her phone and started looking at some things. “You’d know I’d give you a loan lickety-split if I could, but you may have caught me at a bad time. The pandemic was rough on everyone, surprise surprise, so you aren’t the first schoolmate who came to me looking for a bit of help. Remember Georgette?”

“How could I not?” Lola asked. Georgette was the party girl who seemed to bag a boy every other weekend.

“Well, she’s got a family now, and after her husband got laid off, she needed some help from yours truly to make ends meet.” Henrietta explained. “Then there’s Bridgette, Noah, Peter, I’ve basically been a lifeline for the graduating class.”

“So you don’t have any money left for me, huh?” Lola asked with a resigned sigh.

Henrietta winced in a classic ‘I WANT to help you, but I realistically can’t’ face. “MAYBE I could squeeze a SMALL loan out of my accounts for you-“

“Don’t bother.” Lola sighed again. “It sounds like Georgette and the rest need you more than I do.”

“Oh no, I won’t hear of it!” Henri insisted. “I’m not one to let an old friend dangling in the wind.”

“Just as I’m not one to accept charity.” Lola insisted right back. “ESPECIALLY when it could go someone who needs it more.”

Henri sighed apologetically. “Tell you what - I may not be able to give you a loan, but I MIGHT be able to point you to someone who is.”

“Oh?” Lola asked.

“Word through the grapevine is that the last living Sugardust is in town.” Henri said.

“Sugardust?” Lola asked. THAT was a name she wasn’t expecting to hear in Great Britain.

“Yes! She’s here to oversee the sale of her estate this weekend.” Henri explained.

“The Sugardust…estate.” Lola repeated, not entirely sure she heard that right. Henri CAN’T be talking about a certain pink-haired CEO, can she?

Henri nodded. “Ever since it got bombed out way back in the Blitz, the land has been doing little but attract dust and squatters. The Sugardust family had refused to sell the land for decades, but it seems even they weren’t immune to the Pandemic. Rumor has it that Kyu Sugardust herself is now selling off the land to pay off some old debts that had accumulated over the last couple years.”

”Kyu Sugardust?” Lola asked.

“The same!” Henri chirped. “You know of her?”

“You could say that…” Lola replied. Kyu Sugardust had her own family estate in Britain? How come she had never mentioned it? You’d think someone with an ego as big as hers would’ve bragged about it at some point over the last two years. For that matter - ‘Last of the Sugardust Line?’ Is she nobility? If so, what’s British nobility doing running a cam girl studio in the states?

It would explain Kyu’s ridiculous over-use of ebonics. Like a foreigner trying WAY too hard to sound American.

“So, what makes you think this ‘Kyu Sugardust’ would give ME a loan?” Lola asked. She already knew that Kyu wouldn’t, but clearly her boss was up to something that she didn’t want the other Hunies to know about. That was enough to make Lola suspect that it was something that could potentially have an impact on her own plans. And besides that, she was frankly curious what Kyu was doing in Europe.

“Anyone who sells off a century-old piece of real estate is someone who is NOT doing well, financially speaking.” Henrietta said. “She just might be desperate enough to take a chance on an up-and-coming entrepreneur.”

“…Don’t suppose you know where Sugardust Estate is?” Lola asked.

*****

The first thing Lola noticed when she paid her fare and stabbed out of the cab was the fact that the estate had clearly seen better days. In fact, the gardens were overgrown and the manor atop the hill wasn’t so much a manor as it was ancient ruins, the way vines crawled up the walls and how pieces of the roof and walls were caved in. Lola felt like she needed a machete to hack her way through all this overgrowth.

Carefully watching where she stepped, careful not to trip on any vines or step in something unpleasant (she was starting to regret wearing heels that day), she finally arrived the tall double-doors at the front of the manor. She noticed that the door handle on the right was covered in dust and spider webs. The one on the left, however, had visible dustless gaps on it, as though someone had recently grabbed it and opened it. The implication chilled her blood.

Someone else had been here. And for all she knew, she still might be.

Thankfully, she always came prepared. She reached into her purse and pulled out her Urban Edge - a souvenir from that advertisement deal Huniepop signed with Cold Steel. It was clean-edged blade at the end of a T-shaped handle, allowing Lola to wrap her fingers around the handle and make a fist, with the blade sticking straight out between her middle and ring fingers. Throw in those kickboxing lessons she’d been taking the last few months, and any looter inside thinking she’d make for an easy target would be in for an unpleasant surprise.

With her non-knife hand, she cautiously opened the door and made her way inside.

The inside of the manor was just as overgrown as outside, reminding Lola of ancient ruins. Also like ancient ruins, there was an odd sort of beauty to the devastation - what flowers were exposed to holes in the roof were in full bloom. There was even a small tree growing in the middle of what might have been the dining room. It suddenly seemed a shame that this place was going to be auctioned off and probably re-developed. This manor had become a small ecosystem of sorts, likely home to dozens of critters.

Lola cautiously ascended the stairs, which were still surprisingly sturdy. To the architects’ credit, they built this monument to wealth and vanity to last. At the end of the hall on the second floor, Lola spotted something VERY strange indeed.

It was a large, wide painting. Faded from decades of neglect, but somehow had remained intact enough for Lola to make it out. It was an assorted collection of Victorian-era ladies and gentlemen. There was the usual collection of dresses and umbrellas and mustaches. But there were a few surprises as well. The woman in the witch’s hat was the first thing she noticed of course, but she also noticed a few people of color as well. She even spotted a black man with a Victorian mustache to rival any white man’s of the time. She also spotted a huge man with exposed, muscular arms…carrying a tray of tea. As well as a maid with exposed cleavage. LOTS of cleavage.

But sitting in the center of this gathering was a certain pink-haired lady. Lola glanced down at the bottom of the frame. It read Sugardust Enterprises Executive Staff, 1899. Lola looked back up at the pink-haired woman, who was a dead ringer for her own boss, Kyu Sugardust. She must’ve been Kyu’s ancestor, the Sugardust who owned this place.

“Interesting.” Lola noted. Kyu having a Victorian ancestor who was an entrepreneur made sense. Kyu probably came from a long line of business-savvy ladies. Not to mention the mental image of Kyu overworking and underpaying Victorian factory workers fit WAY too well.

Still, two years working under Kyu and she never ONCE mentioned this place? OR her ancestry? Kyu rarely spoke of her personal life in general (except for her dozens of alleged sexual conquests), but keeping something like THIS under wraps would’ve taken genuine effort on her part. Why go to such lengths to keep this secret?

That’s when Lola heard some wood creaking. It came from another room, like someone was walking around in it. Keeping her knife handy, she went in for a closer look.

*********************
London, England
1898
*********************

The Sugardust Estate had been the envy of every other rich person in London for decades now, and it was no wonder why. The gardens were a veritable rainbow of color, as flowers from all over the world could be found growing there - including even a few flowers that hadn’t even been discovered by science yet! Even now, with Autumn at its peak, all those flowers were still in full bloom as though May had never ended, almost as if by magic.

Then again, things HAD gotten a little more magical around the manor, with the addition of Sugardust Enterprises’ latest executive. Or so said executive claimed, anyway.

Vicki LeStrange was an odd fit for the company, and given how the other executives were, that was saying something. She always spoke in ethereal terms, hardly ever took off that preposterously large witch hat of hers, and wherever she went, a vague aura of dread seemed to follow. It was for those reasons that the other executives chose to keep their distance from Vicki, not interacting with her any more than necessary.

Well. Most of them.

“Gah!” Antoine said as he bumped into Vicki and spilled the documents they were both holding for the third time that week. “Sorry! Sorry!” he said as he started picking up her papers.

“It is quite alright.” Vicki said as she began picking up her own papers, paying no mind to whenever her hand was brushed by Antoine’s. UNLIKE Antoine, who turned red as a rose every time they made physical contact.

Kyu couldn’t help but smile from down the hall as she watched the scene unfold. She wondered - was Antoine truly THAT clumsy? Or did he manufacture these incidents just so he’d have an excuse to be close to Vicki? No doubt in Kyu’s mind - the poor prince had become smitten with the witch, and with such breathtaking cleavage, who could blame him?

Though she was more entrepreneur and less matchmaker these days, part of her couldn’t help but feel the urge to help Antoine court Ms. LeStrange. It would do wonders for the boy’s confidence and, who knows? Maybe they’d be grateful enough to invite her to a menage a trois.

But alas - such pursuits had to be set aside for the moment, as more pressing concerns demanded her attention, as they often did. She sighed as she retreated into her office and began working on one of the very few downsides to being rich - paperwork. Oodles and oodles of paperwork. Sign here, sign there, sign everywhere. Requisition forms, sales receipts, and other such very important business things that peasants like you wouldn’t understand.

After nearly an hour of this monotony, Kyu was almost relieved when she heard a knock on her door. “Come in.” she called, eager for the temporary distraction from all these contracts. It was none other than Vicki LeStrange who entered her office. “Ah, Ms. LeStrange!” Kyu greeted. “What can I do for you?”

“There is something I have been meaning to discuss with you privately, Ms. Sugardust.” Vicki said as she took a seat in one of two chairs in front of Madame Sugardust’s desk, made from imported Italian maple, because of course it was.

“Oh? And what ever would that be?” Kyu asked.

The witch then produced a deck of cards from her cleavage and began shuffling them. “As you know, the reason I was compelled to seek you out at the Autumn Gala was because it was pre-ordained.”

“By whom, if I might ask?” Kyu asked.

“By these.” Vicki said as she placed the deck on the table. Upon closer inspection, Kyu could see that there were tarot cards. “Several weeks prior to the gala, I performed a tarot reading on myself, so that I may glimpse my future. I drew three cards.”

She drew three cards off the top of the deck and laid them out on Kyu’s desk. Vicki pointed to the first card on Kyu’s left - depicting an angel in the sky blowing into a horn, rousing a bunch of naked people from their coffins. “Judgement. Rebirth, transformation, and a higher calling.” Vicki explained. “Usually interpreted as the end of an important chapter. But what is the end of one chapter, but the beginning of a new one?”

She pointed to the second card in the middle. This car depicted two wolves in the middle of a field, howling at the big, shiny moon in the sky above them. “The Moon. Intuition, illusion, and imagination. This card tells me that, though the path forward may be dark, I WILL find it.”

She pointed to the third and final card on Kyu’s right. It depicted a woman, sitting on a stone throne in the middle of the wilderness, holding a large gold coin in her lap. “The Queen of Pentacles. Dependable, pragmatic, and mother of the earth. Warm and motherly, yet cunning in matters of business. She is the epitome of both self-sufficiency and nurturing security.”

“At first, I did not know what the cards were trying to tell me. This was no surprise - the cards can only offer brief, vague glimpses into the future. It takes time for the path they predict to become clear.” Vicki went on. “Then, when I heard of the Autumn Gala, I was struck by revelation.”

She pointed to Judgement. “I had received a call to action….”

She pointed to the Moon. “To go on a long journey….”

She pointed to the Queen of Pentacles. “With the Queen of Pentacles.”

She took the cards and shuffled them back into her deck. “When I heard that Madame Kyu Sugardust, the wealthiest lady entrepreneur in London, would be attending that gala, my purpose became clear.”

Kyu raised an eyebrow. “So, you went on a long journey to find me.” Kyu summarized.

“Actually, no.” Vicki corrected. “The gala was only about twenty minutes away from where I lived. Not a long journey at all, really. Which implies, perhaps, that the journey is not to seek the Queen of Pentacles, but rather to go on the long journey with her.”

“Hm, yes. That’s the trouble with tarot cards. They’re never specific.” Kyu replied. “Almost as though the meaning of each card is deliberately crafted to be so vague that it can describe a wide variety of situations, allowing the dealer of the cards to appear clairvoyant, no matter what cards they draw.”

Now it was Vicki’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “You’re skeptical of the occult, madame?”

“I am skeptical of humans who think they know the occult.” Kyu replied.

“…Hrm.” Vicki hummed. “Very pragmatic indeed.”

“As amusing as this conversation is, I do have work to do, Ms. LeStrange.” Kyu said as she gestured at all the paperwork on her desk. “So if there is a purpose to your being in my office, I’d appreciate it if you’d cut the church belling and get to the bloody point already.”

Vicki shuffled the deck a bit, then placed it back on Kyu’s desk. “I would like to perform a tarot reading on you, Madame Sugardust.”

Kyu blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

“Regardless of what you may or may not believe, madame, my destiny is now linked with yours.” Vicki said. “Which means it is now in my best interests to gain a better understanding of what your destiny is, exactly.”

Kyu rolled her eyes. Ms. LeStrange was lucky to have such a fantastic cup size, or else Kyu wouldn’t be so inclined to indulge her like this. “Very well, Vicki. So, how do we do this?”

“We’ll keep this simple.” Vicki replied. “I will split the deck into three piles, representing your past, present and future respectively. You may draw from either the top, bottom, or anywhere in the middle of each pile. Reveal your choices to me and I will attempt a reading.”

She gestured to the pile on Kyu’s left. “Let’s start with your past. This card represents you, where you are and how you got here.”

“Hrm. Well, I do like to top…” Kyu quipped as she drew the top card and drew her first card, putting it on her desk. Vicki walked around the desk and stood behind the pink-haired madame to take a look down at the card - a man in a red cloak, walking away from eight golden cups stacked on top of each other.

“The Eight of Cups, otherwise known as the Seeker.” Vicki said. “You were not always who you are now. Before that, you were…something else. But you felt a need for change. You sensed that it was time to move on to something new. Perhaps it was a change in vocation…or a change of a more…romantic nature.”

Kyu glanced up at the so-called witch. “What’s THAT supposed to mean?”

“Oh, nothing.” Vicki oh-so-innocently replied. Kyu leered at the brunette. Eager to move on from Kyu’s stink eye, she gestured to the middle pile. “Let’s view your present next. This card represents the path you currently walk.”

Kyu rolled her eyes again before drawing her second card, again from the top of the pile. It was a familiar card - the woman sitting on her throne, holding a giant gold coin.

“The Queen of Pentacles, once again.” Vicki replied. “This one is hardly surprising. If you WEREN’T the Queen of Pentacles, I would not be standing here today.”

“And you wouldn’t be trying to sell me a dog…” Kyu muttered.

“Finally, let us peek at the future.” Vicki said, gesturing to the third and final pile on Kyu’s right. “This card represents your potential." Kyu huffed as she drew her third and final card. This time, from the bottom of the pile. “Bottom?” Vicki noted. “Hrm. Thought you’d be a top.”

“I’m a switch.” Kyu said as she flipped the third card over. It depicted a young man, holding a staff in an aggressive way, as though it were a weapon. Arrayed in front of him were six other staffs.

“The Seven of Wands…” Vicki noted. “Also known as the Guardian. Curious. Most curious indeed.”

“How so?” Kyu asked.

“You are on the cusp of a great conflict.” the witch explained. “Soon, the time will come for you to muster your courage and answer the challenge. The battle ahead may be hard, but it is one that MUST be fought.”

“I see.” Kyu said. “And will I win said battle?”

“I do not know.” Vicki confessed as she rounded the desk, back to standing across from Kyu. “The Guardian only tells that there WILL be battle. It says nothing of the battle’s outcome, I’m afraid.”

“Well.” Kyu replied as she shuffled the three cards back into the deck and handed it back to Vicki. The witch took the deck and slipped it back between her breasts. “This was all very fascinating, but I must return to my work now.”

Having had her fill of theatrics, Kyu went back to the old grindstone. But after a few seconds, she looked up and realized that Vicki was still standing there, staring at her silently. “Is there anything else, Ms. LeStrange?”

“…You may have all these other mortals fooled, but not me.” Vicki stated as she put her hands behind her back. “I know what you are, Madame Sugardust.”

Kyu chuckled. “Oh, do you, now?”

“Indeed.” Vicki replied. “And truth be told, I have been rather curious as to what a fairy is doing running a massive investment company in London.”

Kyu paused.

Then she laughed.

“I’m sorry, a what?!” the mogul guffawed.

“A fairy.” Vicki repeated. “A love fairy, to be exact. An angel of Venus.”

Kyu guffawed again. “Church bell, I am hardly an angel.”

“Yes, I gathered that from the state of dress of both your Battle Butler AND your Business Maid.” Vicki noted. “It’s how I also reasoned that you were a love fairy. Furthermore, the flowers surrounding the manor are always in bloom, as though the land was eternally Summer.”

Kyu chuckled haughtily as she crossed her arms. “Ms. LeStrange, the only reason I haven’t fired you yet is because I find your delusions to be rather amusing. Though I must warn you, if you keep it up, I’m more than willing to deduct your pay. For a start.”

Vicki paused. Then sighed. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do this…” She said as she produced a spell book from her cleavage and began reading from it while holding up a hand to Kyu. The mogul sneered, officially reaching the end of her patience. As she reached for her bell to summon Battle Butler and escort this mad woman out of her office, she noticed that Vicki’s glowing hand was-

Wait, glowing hand?

Before Kyu could even fully process that, she could feel her fairy wings erupting from her back, shattering her glamor and revealing unto her guest her true nature.

Vicki smirked triumphantly as she closed her book. “So, I ask again - what is a fairy doing running a massive investment company in London?”

Kyu glanced her butterfly-like wings, translucent and glittering like stained glass. They fluttered on reflex. Kyu glanced back at the witch, like a hare who just realized that she had been cornered by a fox. For the first time in decades, Kyu felt cornered as she broke out into a cold sweat.

“…I can explain.” Kyu replied.

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

Kyu sighed as she stood in her old office. Or rather, what was left of it. The last eighty years had not been kind to this place. The back half of the manor was still a big pile of rubble, and what was still standing was plagued with overgrowth. Kyu caressed her old desk - the wood was rough. It was kind of a wonder she didn’t just get a splinter doing that.

She sighed. “Pull it together, girl.” the pink-haired entrepreneur said to herself. Indeed, this was no homecoming. She was here because she had a job to do.

Still, it had been a stressful twenty-four hours. Normally, she would’ve gone home and gotten our of her glamor by now, but with everything going on, there had simply been no opportunity to do that. It was the magical equivalent of having worn hiking boots for the last sixteen hours. She needed a break.

She dropped the guise, if only for a moment, and allowed her wings a chance to stretch. The almost crystalline fairy wings stretched, flexed, and fluttered, Kyu sighing in relief the whole time. “Fuck that feels good…” she commented.

And that’s when she noticed Lola Rembrite standing in the doorway to her office, looking quite shocked. Kyu was equally shocked. The two women stared at each other numbly for a moment.

“…I can explain.” Kyu stated.

Chapter Text

“…Those are wings.” Lola said, finally find her voice after what felt like days of shocked silence.

“…Yeah.” Kyu shyly replied.

”Why do you have wings.” an increasingly distressed Lola demanded.

“…Uh….” Kyu stuttered, not sure how to answer that. “Okay, so….this is gonna be hard to swallow….so just bare with me for a minute here.”

Kyu took a deep breath to collect herself. She had a feeling that this might happen one day. But the timing was…inconvenient, to say the least. Still, what happened, happened. And there was nothing left to do but get through it however she could. “I’m a fairy.” she finally said.

“…Ahahahaha…haha…ha….” Lola chuckled nervously. “No, really, why do you have wings?”

“I’m a fairy.” Kyu repeated. “A love fairy, to be exact, but now we’re just splitting hairs.”

“…I see.” Lola replied.

“Gotta say, Lola - I’m respecting how cool you’re being about this.” Kyu commented. “Most humans would like, run away or freak out. Like, hello, I’m a fairy, not a werewolf. I don’t EAT people or anything, yanno?”

“Oh, I know.” Lola replied with a smile and a nod. “I know.”

“You’ve probably got a LOT of questions for me.” Kyu said.

“Oh, I do.” Lola said. “But first, I need to go….make a call. Outside.” Lola said as she started backing out of the room.

“Whatever, girlfriend. You do what you gotta do.” Kyu replied. And on that note, Lola left the room. Quickly. Very quickly. Kyu could faintly hear Lola bolting down the hall.

“…Wait. Shit!” Kyu cussed upon realizing that Lola was, in fact, running away and/or freaking out.

*****

“Shit shit shit shit shit SHIT!” Lola cursed as she ran down the hall.

Just as she turned the corner in the suddenly-labrynthine halls of the manor, she turned the corner and jumped as she thought she saw a giant version of Kyu.

Only to realize it was that painting of Kyu’s ancestor again.

Oh God, it had wings this time. Since when did Kyu’s ancestor have wings?! What the fuck was going on?!

”Ahem.”

Lola shrieked as she whirled around and saw Kyu standing right behind her, wings still out. She equipped her urban edge and took a kick boxing stance, though she was still shaking like a leaf. “Stay back!” she warned. “I’ve got a knife and I’m not afraid to use it!”

“Lola. Chill.” Kyu sternly said.

“Why do you have wings?!” Lola demanded.

“Oh for - I’m a fairy.” Kyu said.

“BULLSHIT!” Lola shouted. “There’s no such thing as fairies!”

“Right. Because these wings are TOTALLY fake.” Kyu quipped as she gave her wings a good flutter. To further prove she was telling the truth, her wings started fluttering faster, allowing her to hover several feet off the ground. The sight of Kyu flying was enough to make Lola scream and try to run away again…

Only for Kyu to poof in front of her in a puff of pink fairy dust. This terrified Lola enough to send her sprawling on the floor. She slashed her urban edge threateningly at the fairy, who hovered a good couple feet out of slashing range. “So, are you gonna calm down anytime soon? Cuz this bit is starting to get old.”

Lola scrambled backwards until her back was against a wall, pointing her dagger at Kyu. “What are you….” she demanded.

Kyu just raised an eyebrow.

“…You’re a fairy.” Lola said.

“Yes!” Kyu snapped. “Finally! She gets with the program! Fuck!”

“Oh my God, you’re a fairy….” Lola panted. “Nikki wasn’t crazy…”

“Oh no, she was DEFINITELY being crazy at that one Halloween party.” Kyu said. “But, that didn’t really change the fact that she was right.”

Lola panted as she slowly lowered the knife, looking at Kyu incredulously. “You’ve probably got a LOT of questions.” Kyu said.

“Yes!” Lola snapped. “For starters - what’s a FAIRY doing in BRITAIN?!”

“Dude.” Kyu said. “Europe is KINDA my people’s ancestral home? That’s like asking a black chick what she’s doing in Africa.”

“I don’t live in Africa!” Lola snapped. “And YOU don’t live in Britain!”

“Well, not anymore.” Kyu said. “After not one, but TWO world wars, I was starting to think that Europe wasn’t the safest place to run a business. Between the Iron Curtain falling and America going through a HUGE economic boom, I figured moving state-side was the smart move. But, as it turned out, mid-to-late 20th century America was NOT the place to be if your goal was to avoid political unrest. Still, the 1980’s was a pretty baller decade, so it was worth it in the end.”

Lola blinked. Iron Curtain? Both world wars? 1980’s. “H-how old are you?” she asked the fairy, dreading what the answer might be.

“Three hundred and eighty-six years old.” Kyu cheerfully said as she hovered up into the air. Lola’s gaze followed her as the fairy hovered over right next to the portrait of her ancestor….or rather, herself. It was then that Lola started fitting the pieces together.

“You’re not the last of the Sugardust line.” Lola said as she stood up. “You are the Sugardust line.”

“Bingo!” Kyu replied. “Knew you were one of the smart ones, Lola! Yeah, I just move to a new town and slap a number at the end of my name every few decades. It’s how I’ve been staying below the radar for the last couple centuries.”

“And now you’re….running a porn studio.” Lola replied. “…Why?”

“Hey, even a fairy’s gotta eat.” Kyu replied.

“…Why are you here, Kyu?” Lola asked. “Did you follow me?”

“Oh God no.” Kyu replied as she landed in front of Lola. “You gotta believe me, bumping into you, or any other human for that matter, was the LAST thing I expected OR wanted.”

She put her hands on her hips. “The better question is, what are YOU doing here?”

“…Well…I…might’ve heard that you were here….” Lola answered.

“So YOU followed ME.” Kyu replied with a roll of her eyes. “Typical humans - they indulge their curiosities, and then they IMMEDIATELY regret it.”

She then started hovering around her, faintly reminding Lola of a vulture circling a dying zebra, which did NOTHING to ease her nerves. “So. You SURE you wanna know what I’m doing here?”

“…Do I wanna know?” Lola said.

“Oh relax - you’ve already seen my wings.” Kyu said. “You’re already in this deep. And as we love fairies like to say, why not go deeper?”

“Because I’ve got the sneaking suspicion that part of the reason you managed to stay ‘under the radar’ for three-hundred-odd years is through murdering anyone who discovered your secret.” Lola replied.

“What?” Kyu demanded. “Girl, I’m a love fairy. Not a murder fairy. That’s not how we roll.”

“Then what’s stopping me from blowing the whistle on you?” Lola asked.

“Nothing.” Kyu replied. “If you wanna post on Facebook that your boss is a literal, actual fairy, go right ahead! I’ll bet you’ll get LOTS of new followers who totally believe you! Just like how they believe that COVID-19 is a hoax, the Earth is flat, and Hillary Clinton drinks the blood of children.”

“…Alright, I see your point.” Lola conceded. “…Are those things true too, by the way?”

“What? No, of course not. Don’t be stupid.” Kyu replied.

“Okay, good.” Lola sighed in relief, grateful that she still lived in a world where Marjorie Taylor Greene was an idiot.

“Alright then!” Kyu replied with a clap of her hands. “Follow me into my office, Lola, and have a seat. I’ll put on some tea and tell you EVERYTHING…”

*********************
London, England
1898
*********************

Profits had been up that week, so Madame Sugardust was in a celebratory mood. Which is why she whole-heartedly agreed when Max Gentlemen came calling, asking for the honor of taking her out on a lovely carriage ride and picnic in the park.

Admittedly, Kyu had been eager for a chance to get to know Max better. He was strong, bold, polite, and oh that mustache. Men like him were few and far between.

It was even enough to make her wonder if, perhaps, he was…the one. Only one way to find out, she supposed.

Unfortunately, as Max was escorting Kyu out of the manor and towards the carriage Max had rented for the day, they were approached by a particular executive who, in recent days, had seemed all but determined to be the eternal thorn in Kyu’s craw.

Vicki LeStrange.

“Good afternoon, Kyu. Max.” Vicki curtly greeted as she approached them. She was dressed up in a poofy white dress with pink lace trim and a bonnet to match. She did a little curtsy as she greeted them.

“Ah! Hello, Ms. LeStrange!” Max cheerfully greeted, blissfully ignorant of Vicki’s blatant attempts at cockblockery. “How does this day find you?”

“Delightfully gray.” The witch said with a faint smile as she looked up at the grey, overcast sky. “And where might you two be off, if I might so ask?”

“Oh, nothing too fanciful.” Max replied. “Just a delightful carriage ride through St. Ambrose Park.”

“Charmed. May I join?” Vicki asked.

Before Kyu could tell the witch to shove it, Max laughed uproariously. “Why, of course you can! The more, the merrier!”

“Splendid.” Vicki replied.

“…You go on, Max. I’d like a moment alone with Vicki.” Kyu said.

“Very well, then!” Max replied as he marched over to the carriage.

“What the bloody hell are you doing?” Kyu whisper-yelled once Max was out of earshot.

“I am accompanying you and Mr. Gentlemen on a carriage ride.” Vicki replied. “What ever does it look like?”

“It looks like you swatting my twat is what it looks like!” Kyu insisted.

“Kyu, I assure you, that is not my intention.” Vicki assured. “Quite the opposite, if anything.”

“Oh really?” Kyu replied.

“Oh yes. I have always wanted to witness a fairy kidnapping.” Vicki went on.

Kyu blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

“Well, clearly you are taken with Mr. Gentlemen.” Vicki explained. “And whenever a fae is taken with a mortal human, they whisk them away in the Land of Faerie, where they live out the rest of their days as the fae’s consort.”

Kyu blushed. “I intend no such thing!” she insisted. “I mean, don’t get it sideways, Max is a real looker and probably good for a night or two of shagging, but I’m hardly the kidnapping sort. My entrepreneurial lifestyle precludes that level of commitment, I’m afraid.”

“Hrm.” Vicki hummed in thought. “On the one hand, your kind are well known tricksters, so you COULD be misleading me. On the other hand, some legends say that a fae is incapable of lying and can, at best, only speak in half-truths. However, given that you’ve lived amongst humans undetected for so long, one could only assume that you have a tremendous talent for deception.”

“You could try asking me about these things you know.” Kyu replied. “As opposed to openly speculating me in front of me as though I weren’t here.”

“No.” Vicki bluntly replied. “As we’ve established, you’re a trickster, so directly asking you questions wouldn’t get me anywhere.”

Kyu groaned. Ever since Vicki had revealed that she knew that Kyu was a fairy (and even more shockingly, she actually DID have some talent for magic), she had taken to following the fairy everywhere like a curious puppy, trying to study her the way Samuel Finch would’ve studied Bigfoot.

The ‘relationship’ wasn’t entirely one-way, however. Just as Vicki was trying to learn more about Kyu, Kyu was able to learn more about Vicki. The young witch was born a mortal human, but as a child had the ability to detect and even hear the spirits of the departed. When she told her mother of this, the poor girl was institutionalized. The experience had given her two things - an obsession with the supernatural, and a less-than-healthy dose of misanthropy.

“I must say though, I don’t understand why so many fae seem keen on falling in love with humans and taking them to the Land of Faerie. Humans are terrible.” Vicki said, providing the above paragraph with a good example. Showing and not telling and all that.

Kyu frowned. She was about to tell the witch to go sod off when she suddenly heard a clopping sound. She and Vicki both looked and saw one Prince Antoine Hardmeat approach them, riding atop his trusty white steed, affectionately named Custard. “Ah! Good afternoon, Madame Sugardust.”

He noticed Vicki. And gulped. “A-a-and Ms. LeStrange.” This prompted Vicki to roll her eyes.

And that’s when Kyu got a positively bully idea.

“Antoine!” Kyu said. “Max, Vicki and I were about to take a ride about St. Ambrose Park. And we would LOVE to have a fourth?”

“We would?” Vicki asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Indeed we would!” Kyu insisted.

“O-o-oh!” Antoine stuttered. “I-I-I don’t know if-“

“Mr. Hardmeat, as both your employer and your friend, I flat-out INSIST that you come with us.” Kyu all but ordered. “You may ride alongside our carriage.”

“Well…i-i-if you insist…..” Antoine replied. And on that note, he led his horse toward the carriage out front. Kyu smiled to herself triumphantly. She had been meaning to set Antoine and Vicki on a date for some time now. And if such a date would occupy Vicki’s attention enough to give Kyu plenty of time alone with Max, so much the better.

At least, that would be the plan.

“Kidnapping two mortals instead of one?” Vicki asked. “Fascinating.”

Kyu sighed.

*****

St. Ambrose Park was one of the most popular and scenic parks in all of London. In that park, one could see fields of green. Red roses too. You’d see them bloom, but only if you were rich. They recoil from the commoners, which is anyone whose net worth is anything less than 5 million pounds.

Vicki, Max, and Kyu all rode in the carriage through the park, with Antoine riding alongside atop Custard. By the time they had arrived in the park, the sun had managed to pierce through the cloudy overcast and was now shining down upon all, much to Vicki’s dismay.

“Oh bother.” Vicki sighed as she pulled out her dainty white parasol and opened it. “All this dreadful sunlight will wreak havoc on my skin.”

“Perhaps we can find somewhere in the shade for our picnic.” Kyu suggested. She turned toward Antoine. “Antoine? Would you happen to know any good spots?”

“Oh! I think I do, yes!” Antoine replied. “Follow me!” He urged Custard on, leading the carriage through the winding pathways of St. Ambrose. They were brought to a tremendous oak tree situated near a large duck pond. The tree was large enough that it would provide all the shade a photosensitive witch could ever need.

“Hrm.” Vicki said as Max helped her out of the carriage and she walked into the shade. “Not an ideal level of darkness, but it’ll have to do.” She then turned toward Max and Kyu. “So Kyu - what forbidden nectars will you have the men drink?”

“Forbidden?” Max asked.

“…Oh, she means the….imported rum from Cuba.” Kyu said.

“Ah! Bully!” Max said as he went to grab the picnic basket. As he went off to set up the picnic, Kyu marched up to Vicki.

”You may get your jollies from being a supernatural entity out in the open, but I don’t!” the fairy whisper-yelled at the witch.

“I noticed.” Vicki replied.

“So why did you try to out me just then?!” Kyu demanded.

“…Did I?” Vicki asked. “Ah. Dreadfully sorry. I’ll endeavor to keep your nature better hidden.”

Kyu growled. She needed a way to get this witch out of her hair, stat. Thankfully, that’s when Antoine rode up. “Ah! Antoine, my - I mean - our knight in shining armor!” Kyu eagerly welcomed the prince. “Come - do join us for lunch!”

“Oh! U-u-uh, alright…” Antoine hesitated as he dismounted Custard.

*****

The four of them had an unforgettable luncheon! Ham sandwiches made from albino hogs from the Himalayas. French fries made by an actual frenchman. And of course - Cuban Rum! It’s a good thing that Kyu actually had some in that basket and didn’t simply make that up on the spot.

“Ah! Nothing more bracing than a fine glass of afternoon alcohol!” Max declared as he sipped his glass.

“Spoken like a proper afternoonified gentleman!” Kyu declared back as she clinked her glass against Max’s. As she sipped, she spared a glance at Antoine and Vicki, whom Kyu VERY deliberately sat next to each other.

Antoine was sitting still as a statue, red as a rose, sweating bullets from sitting so close next to Vicki. Luckily for him, Vicki didn’t notice, as she was far too busy actively ignoring him in favor of a grimoire that spoke at length of portals between worlds. Kyu was not pleased - the sooner she could convince these two to pair off, the sooner that witch will have better things to do than interfere in her business. It had been a long time, but it was time to do what love fairies did best - help some poor, hapless humans get prigged.

“So Vicki - what are you reading?” Kyu asked.

“An interesting text on how portals between realms can be opened.” Vicki said. She glanced up at Kyu. “…As a hobby.” she added, before shooting Kyu a wink. Her attempt at keeping Kyu’s magical nature hidden, no doubt.

“…Smashing.” Kyu replied. “Quite interesting! Wouldn’t you say, Antoine?”

“Hrghik!” Antoine jumped at being mentioned. Vicki glanced at him curiously, making the poor boy so red that his head seemed likely to explode. It was at this point that Kyu realized that helping Antoine woo the witch will be more difficult than she thought.

“Well, that was a fine lunch!” Max declared. “But I believe that now it’s time for the second course!”

“Oh my.” Antoine replied. “I-I-I don’t know, Max. I don’t think I could eat anymore.”

“Who said anything about eating?” Max asked. “For the second course, we’re going to fight a lion!”

“A l-l-lion?!” Antoine said with a jump. “But I don’t know how to fight a lion!”

“Oh, you don’t?” Max asked. “Hrm. Well, this is awkward. I’ve already gone ahead and purchased a lion from a zoo, then released it into St. Ambrose park.”

“Beg pardon?” Kyu asked.

It was in that moment that they heard the sounds of rich people screaming and fleeing for their lives as a large lion with a black mane chased after them, roaring and snarling the whole time.

“Right then! Looks like I’ll be fighting this one alone!” Max said as he stood up and ripped off his shirt, exposing a large, muscular chest that, inexplicably, was already oiled up.

“Or we could call the police.” Kyu gently suggested.

“No time! Gotta punch it!” Max insisted as he ran off to do fisticuffs with the lion. The other three executives ran after him to witness the fight. “What-ho!” Max shouted as he dove after the lion and immediately began wrestling it.

“Egads!” Kyu shouted.

“Indeed! That poor lion!” Vicki added. “Someone must end this fight!”

It was then that Antoine leapt into action. He whistled for Custard, who galloped up to the prince. He quickly mounted his steed and took off. The lion snarled at the horse he ran by and, deciding a horse was easier prey than a hot-blooded Englishman, gave chase.

“Hey!” a scratched up Max protested as the lion ran away from him. “Get back here! I need to fight you! How else am I to emulate my deceased daredevil parents?!”

Antoine looked over his shoulder at the lion still chasing Custard. Well, it was chasing him, as opposed to any innocent bystanders, including his friends. That was an improvement, he supposed. But now what? He looked around, desperate for a solution. The lake? The forest? The gardens? That large truck that was unloading comically large cages?

…That last one gave him an idea. He kicked Custard’s sides, urging him onward. The horse ran through one of the unloaded empty cages, Antoine immediately dismounting on the other side, and closing one of the doors mere seconds before the lion would’ve taken a bite out of his face, the feline angrily chewing on one of the bars. Thinking in sync with his rider, Custard circled around and nudged the other cage door closed with his head, sealing the lion inside. Antoine breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Kyu, Max, and Vicki had been following the action closely. Kyu and Max gave Antoine a round of applause. “Good show, Antoine!” Kyu cheered.

“That was, indeed, the way to go!” Max added.

“That was an…impressive display.” Vicki admitted.

Antoine smiled at the sight of his friends cheering for him. However, that smile quickly gave way to a frown of fright as he noticed that his three friends were joined by a much larger crowd.

Mainly a crowd of women.

Very enthusiastic women.

“It’s Prince Hardmeat!”

“Marry me, Prince Hardmeat!”

“My mother would love you!”

“Behold, my wide hips! Why, your heirs could practically CART-WHEEL their way out of me!”

The young prince Hardmeat cowered as the crowd of eager young would-be-wives began to close in, eager to gain his attention. Curious. Kyu thought to herself. Given the young man’s social anxiety, one would not think him much of a cassanova.

Vicki huffed and walked away, seemingly put off from all the attention Antoine was getting. Even curiouser Kyu noted. “Come along, Max. Let’s go rescue Antoine and meet Vicki back at the manor.”

“Right away, madame!” Max replied.

*****

The sun had started to set by the time the foursome arrived back at the Sugardust Estate. Vicki wasted no time, ascending the steps back up to the estate, with Antoine sighing longingly as he watched her go. Kyu stroked her chin in thought at this sight.

Antoine Hardmeat. The young man who could apparently have any woman he wanted, but only wanted one.

Vicki LeStrange. The young woman who wanted…nobody at all, apparently.

An unusual match to be sure, but Kyu had had tougher assignments during her matchmaking days. It was settled, then! Kyu Sugardust would take the case!

Max Gentlemen approached the madame and kissed her hand. “Thank you for this lovely day out, madame.” he said. “Even though it was not quite as exciting as I hoped.”

“Oh hush, Max. A rampaging lion was adequately exciting, I assure you.” Kyu replied. “And please - you’ve been working under me for six months now. Just call me Kyu.”

“Boss! Boss!” Business Maid called as she bounded down the steps toward her mistress. “It’s good to see you’ve returned! Though I’m afraid I’ve some news for you.”

Kyu raised her eyebrow. “Good or bad?”

“Honestly, I’m…not entirely sure.” Business Maid admitted. “While you were gone, a green-haired woman stopped by and all but demanded to see you. I told her that you were gone, so she declared her intention to wait for you on the balcony until you returned. Battle Butler tried to remove her, but…something about her made him….nervous. And I’ve never seen Battle Butler be nervous about anything!”

“…That so?” Kyu said as she looked up at the balcony. Sure enough, there was…her on the balcony. “Hrm. I had a feeling she’d want words with me sooner or later…”

“You know her?” Business Maid asked.

“In a matter of speaking…” Kyu said. “I’m going to go talk to her. Inform the staff that no one, not even my executives, are to interrupt this meeting. Understood?”

“Clearly, madame.” Business Maid nodded.

“Good.” Kyu replied.

*****

The western balcony was perfectly situated to watch the sun set. The woman who awaited Kyu had her back to the doors as she appreciated the view. Her hair was long enough to reach the small of her back, and was as green as a pasture in Springtime. Her velvet and white ballroom dress was regal enough to make one think that, perhaps, she was the queen of some far-off country. If the dress didn’t imply that, the crown of golden leaves around her head all but shouted it from the metaphorical rooftop that was her cranium.

Kyu walked up to the mysterious woman’s side. “Are we alone?” the mystery woman asked.

“Indeed we are.” Kyu replied.

“Good.” the woman said as she turned toward the business mogul. “This little ‘experiment’ of yours is getting out of hand, Kyu. Not only are you knee-deep in the affairs of these humans, but you have also manage to rope Puck into this mess as well. He had been tricked by a human, and is now unable to return to the Court.”

Kyu huffed. “That’s Puck’s problem, not mine.”

“He only delved into the human world because that’s where YOU were.” the woman went on.

“Once again, his problem, not mine.” Kyu countered. “Not my fault that Puck seems incapable of accepting that our romance ended on less than favorable terms. I was quite literally minding my own business up until Puck stole it. Everything that has been happening since Spring has been on his onus, not mine.”

“For what it’s worth, I actually agree with you. And I even told Oberon as much.” the woman said. “But he, along with the rest of the Seelie Court, have been saying that I’ve been FAR too lenient with you. Lately, I’ve been wondering if they have a point. None of this would be happening if you hadn’t started living among these humans to begin with.”

“Venus, our sacred duty is to aid these humans in finding love, is it not?” Kyu asked. “Well, how are we to do that if we do not know these humans?”

“Knowing them is one thing. Starting up a business empire in one of their largest and wealthiest cities is quite another.” the woman, evidently named ‘Venus’, counter-argued. “But all this is besides the point. The point is, this petty war you’ve been waging with Puck is putting our sacred prize, the one that I personally entrusted you with, in danger.”

Kyu rolled her eyes. “Relax, Venus. It’s locked up in a very large vault deep beneath this very estate. It’s quite safe, I assure you.”

“It had better be.” Venus warned. “If you do lose it, for one thing even I will not be able to save you from the Court’s wrath. Secondly, it would be very poor timing on your part.”

Venus looked up at the sky. As the sun continued to dip, the stars above began to twinkle into focus. “Our augurs believe that their return is close at hand. We will need it to be readily available when the time comes. It doesn’t help that we still have yet to find the Hero of Prowess.”

“Oh! About that!” Kyu replied. “I actually have some good news! I think I may have such a hero in my employ.”

Venus raised an eyebrow at Kyu. “Do you, now?”

“His name is Max Gentlemen!” Kyu chirped. “He’s strong, brave, virile, and looks VERY good whilst oiled up. I have a feeling that he could very well be the one we need!”

“Hrm. So this little business empire you’ve constructed HAS worked to the Court’s benefit.” Venus said. “That IS something good I could report back…assuming it’s true, of course.”

That’s when they heard a commotion below them. Both Kyu and Venus looked down into the pond below, where Max Gentlemen was wrestling one of Kyu’s imported saltwater crocodiles. “Ha! Is that all you’ve got you beast?!” the man taunted.

“…Also assuming he doesn’t die first.” Venus added.

“Oh relax, this is just a hobby of his.” Kyu said. “If anything, it just reinforces my point that if ANYONE is up to the challenge, it’s him.”

Max’s arm was then locked onto by the crocodile’s jaws. He responded by punching it in the eye.

“…But perhaps in the interest of keeping him alive, I should convince him to tone down the stunts a tad.” Kyu conceded.

“You do that.” Venus said. On that note, she turned and began walking off the balcony. “For the moment, I will allow you to continue this course, Kyu. I merely dropped by to inform you that the Court was watching. As am I.”

She then disappeared in a puff of pink fairy magic. Kyu huffed. She didn’t know why Venus was so worried. She’d continue building back her empire, punch Puck in the face, and deal with whatever human was keeping trapped in the human world by next Spring. Nothing that should concern anyone in the Court.

After all, Kyu Sugardust was RICH. And everything gos according to plan when you’re RICH.

Right?

Chapter Text

The next morning, Kyu decided it was time to go to work.

No, not on business, she had executives for that. She meant it was time to help a young couple venture into the storm of heaves. To help them engage. Swive. Join giblets. Knock. Tupp. Wapp. Prigg. Sex, in other words. The first step was to gain a better understanding of just what, exactly, she was dealing with.

“So, how about that Antoine Hardmeat?” Kyu asked as she and Vicki had some morning tea in the library. “Quite the heroic showing he had yesterday, right?”

“I suppose.” Vicki said with a bored tone that implied that she didn’t really suppose at all.

“You don’t sound terribly impressed.” Kyu noted.

“That’s because I’m not.” Vicki replied. “When all is said and done, Antoine is just another closed-minded royal, looking down his nose at anyone beneath him, which in his eyes, it nearly everyone.”

Kyu winced at that. “Oh come now, Vicki. I’ve personally conversed with Antoine on several occasions, and I can vouch that he is HARDLY your typical royal.”

“Perhaps not.” Vicki conceded. “But he’s still a person, which makes him terrible.”

“You know Vicki, not ALL people are bad.” Kyu said.

“That is demonstrably false and you know it.” Vicki said. “For goodness sakes, Kyu. You’re a fairy. A being of nature. Do you not lament the downright gluttonous way humans tear down whole forest for wood and land?”

“That is a regrettable trait of the human race, yes.” Kyu sighed. “But I think it’s important to bare in mind that, in the grand scheme of things, the human race is still very young. They’ve still only just begun to make their way outside the cave and into the sun.”

“The sun is terrible too.” Vicki replied.

“Oh, you know what I mean!” Kyu huffed. “Look, I understand that you have lingering resentment towards your fellow humans due to your childhood, but surely you understand that not all humans are like that.”

“….Hrm. No. Sorry. I still much prefer the company of ghosts, fairies, and eldritch entities.” Vicki said. She closed her book. “Speaking of, do you have any more texts on the subject of fallen angels?”

Kyu sighed. “Section D, third shelf.”

*****

Vicki LeStrange was no fan of people. Kyu was hardly surprised by this, and not just because of her less-than-happy childhood. Everything about Vicki - her gothic sense of dress, her very clear aura of dread, the fact that crows seemed to follow her wherever she went - it was all with the purpose of pushing as many people away as possible.

It may also explain why she seemed so keen to follow Kyu around. It wasn’t just her fascination with supernatural entities such as the fae. It was because, quite frankly, Vicki was lonely and looking for a friend.

Still, despite her best efforts, Vicki had failed in alienating at least one person. Indeed, Vicki had achieved quite the opposite with Prince Antoine Hardmeat. The love fairy / business mogul had a sneaking suspicion as to why that was, and it wasn’t just because of Vicki’s cup size.

It wasn’t until that afternoon when Antoine was finally able to answer Kyu’s summons. When he finally did, it wasn’t through the front door. Instead, he had to back slang it into the manor. “Antoine?” Kyu said as she met the prince by the back door. “Why did you come in the back way? Also, what happened? You look positively arfarfan’arf.”

Antoine indeed looked quite shabby. His clothes, normally princely pristine, had dirt on them, as did his face. His hair was a mess as well, and there was even a small twig in his hair. “…Er…” Antoine nervously stuttered in reply. “Well….you see….”

“HE WENT THIS WAY!!!”

“Eep!” Antoine yipped as he hid behind Kyu. There was suddenly a massive commotion outside the back door. Cries of ‘marry me’ and ‘my father would approve of you’ and ‘please make me the mother of your children you absolute god!’

“Oh dear.” Kyu replied. “Not to worry, Antoine. I know what to do.” She then picked up a small bell and rang it. That’s when Battle Bulter bursted through the door. “Battle Butler, we have some unwanted suitors out back. You know what to do.”

“As you wish!” the butler said as he unsheathed his sword-answering machete and marched out into the back.

“Try not to kill anyone this time!” Kyu called. “I’ve been informed that’s a crime!”

“Wound only! Got it!” Battle Butler called back.

“Come along, Antoine.” Kyu said as she escorted the poor blonde boy upstairs. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

*****

“Thank you again for letting me borrow your shower, madame.” Antoine said as he stood in the hot shower.

“Any time, Antoine.” Kyu replied as she sat in the bathroom, watching Antoine’s silhouette through the shower curtains, hoping to get an idea of just what the young man was gifted with. “And please, do call me Kyu.”

“Of course.” Antoine replied. “Anyway, you summoned for me, yes? What - once I’m out of this shower of course - can I do for you?”

“Oh, nothing in particular, really.” Kyu replied. “I just thought we would talk.”

“Talk?” Antoine asked. “About what?”

“Oh, you know.” Kyu said. “The weather. The state of business. How lovely yesterday’s picnic was, lion and all. Your obvious attraction to Vicki LeStrange.”

“What?!” Antoine asked as he peaked his head out from behind the curtain. He then eeped upon realizing that his head wasn’t the only thing that had peaked out, much to Kyu’s delight. “I-I-I don’t know what you mean!”

“Oh come now, Antoine. I’m no stranger to romantic affairs.” Kyu said. “Quite the opposite, in fact. And I can certainly tell when one person fancies another.”

Antoine only whimpered.

“What I’m curious about is, why her? Why Vicki?” Kyu asked. “As was demonstrated mere moments ago, you’re rather spoiled for choice when it comes to suitors. Why her and not any of them?”

“…Well…She’s…hrm….how to put this….” Antoine replied. “Well, she’s beautiful for one thing.”

“Ah, I see.” Kyu replied. “You want a well endowed gothic wife eh?”

Antoine chuckled nervously at that. “Well…it’s not just looks, I can assure you. It’s…she’s…she’s unlike any woman I’ve ever met. Any person I’ve ever met, for that matter.”

“How so?” Kyu pressed.

Antoine sighed longingly. “She’s…what’s the word….genuine. You see, every woman who’s ever shown interest in me was only really interested in my title as a prince. But Vicki is the first woman to…to…”

“Not really give a toss about your royal title?” Kyu asked.

“Exactly!” Antoine replied. “And that’s so…refreshing to be honest. To not to be idolized by admirers or scorned by rivals, but to simply be…acknowledged.”

I’m sorry Kyu, but can I interrupt for a minute?

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

“Sure.” Kyu said as she poured herself another cup of tea. “What is it?”

Kyu and Lola had reconvened in Kyu’s old office, where Kyu found an old tea set and, using some tea she brought with her, brewed up a pot to share with Lola. “I’m just curious…” Lola began. “What do your executives’ love lives have to do with why you’re back in Britain?”

Kyu rolled her eyes. “It’s called world-building, Lola.”

“Well, honestly, I’m more curious about this ‘Venus’ character you mentioned earlier.” Lola replied. “What was all that stuff you two were talking about? A prize? A hero? Is that why you’re here?”

“Lola, please, I’m getting to that.” Kyu replied. “Now where was I…oh yeah!”

*********************
London, England
1898
*********************

“You’re in luck, Antoine!” Kyu said as she handed Antoine some clean clothes after he turned off the water and toweled off. He still stood behind the shower curtains though, too shy to come out naked in front of his boss. “You see, before I became a tycoon, I was what you might call a matchmaker.”

“A matchmaker?” Antoine asked. “You?”

“And a bloody good one, at that.” Kyu boasted. “I was able to turn even the shabbiest of men into legendary gal-sneakers!”

“And you would do that for me?” Antoine asked.

“But of course!” Kyu replied. “What are friends for?”

“…We’re friends?” Antoine asked.

“Of course we are, Antoine.” Kyu gently assured.

“Wow.” Antoine said. “I…I don’t really have very many friends. I’ve only ever had one - Custard.”

“Well now you have two.” Kyu said. “And by the time I’m done, you’ll have at least three. And Vicki will be your closest friend yet, if you catch my meaning.”

“Ah. Good.” Antoine said. “Just…one question though.”

“Ask away, my friend!” Kyu cheerfully stated.

Antoine pulled away the shower curtains, revealing the outfit Kyu had given him. It was a baseball uniform but with the shirt modified to have a large hole in the front, exposing Antoine’s chest and abs. “Was this really the only outfit you had available?”

“…Yes.” Kyu fibbed as she took in a hearty eyeful of the prince’s exposed torso. “Now come! If you are to court Ms. LeStrange, preparations must be made! First stop: Penny’s Workshop!”

*****

Penny Farthing was one of the first executives Kyu hired for her company, and since then, had been one of her most reliable business partners. In addition to being a cunning stockbroker, she was also a genius gadgeteer who owned her own workshop in London. As the carriage pulled up in front of the shop, Kyu and Antoine disembarked and knocked on Penny’s door.

“Come iiiiiiin~” Penny called in a sing-song tone. The two entered and were in awe of what was inside. Wrenches, hammers and other tools of every conceivable shape and size hung from the walls. On the far end of the room was a great forge that roared with ingenious life. Kyu shifted somewhat uncomfortably, not used to being around so much iron at once. And pounding away at something on an anvil was an imposing figure, dressed in a thick black apron, dense gloves, and a cold, emotionless welder’s mask. It paused, pushed up the mask…

To reveal the smiling, friendly face of Penny Farthing. “Ah, Madame Kyu! What can I do for you?”

“Oh, I was just wondering if Antoine and I could borrow your puzzle device.” Kyu said.

“Puzzle device?” Antoine asked.

“Ah, my latest invention!” Penny said as she began removing her equipment. “Come! It’s upstairs. I’ll show you how it works!”

The upstairs lab was only slightly less crowded with half-finished, quarter-finished, and fully-finished-but-not-really-functional inventions than the workshop below. Penny guided Kyu and Antoine over to a large device that was a nightmare of gauges and pipes, with a nozzle situated above a table with a grid on it.

“This is an interactive puzzle game that I have designed!” Penny boasted. “I call it - Connection Quartet!” The redhead grabbed a large sack of multi-colored marbles and showed it to her guests. “Here’s how it works. These marbles will drop onto the table from this device, and you must match four of the same color, either horizontally or vertically. Make as many matches as possible in the time allotted! I believe this game will be VERY popular with both lonely house wives and lonely young men!”

“It’s also a very good method for teaching how to court a woman!” Kyu said as she plucked a red, blue, green and orange marble from the sack. As Penny loaded the rest of the marbles into the device, Kyu arranged the ones she took on the table.

“Let us say, for the sake of argument, that each of these marbles represent a particular psychological trait.” Kyu began. “This green marble represents flirtation. This blue one is talent. The orange, romance. Finally the red, sexuality. Nearly all of a person’s likes and dislikes can be boiled down to these four basic categories. One marble is considered the ideal marble, while one more is scorned, and the other two are rather neutral. Which marble is in which category varies from person to person.”

“I see.” Antoine replied as he stroked his chin in thought. “So which…er…marble, would be Vicki’s ideal marble?”

“Ah, that’s the million pound question.” Kyu replied. “Vicki LeStrange is quite the riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. However, I’m willing to make some wagers!” She took the green marble and flicked it off the table. “She cares too little about social graces for flirtation to have much of an effect on her, so I doubt she cares much for green marbles. Which leaves us with reds, blues, and oranges. Any of these three are good, but one is prized above all.”

“Hrm….” Antoine hummed as he looked down at the three marbles. “Well…she doesn’t strike me as being particularly promiscuous, so I don’t think it’s sexuality…” he said as he separated out the red marble.

“VERY good observation skills, Antoine.” Kyu praised. “What about talent, or romance?”

“Well…I don’t think she’s very romantic either…” he said as he separated out the orange marble, leaving him only with the blue one. “So Vicki’s most desired trait is…talent?”

“By jove, he’s got it!” Kyu cheered.

“Alright!” Antoine said. “…So, what kind of talent does she like, exactly?”

“Ah, that’s the beauty of it! Talent is a very broad category that can include anything and everything!” Kyu replied.

“But talent alone will not win you her heart!” Penny added as she turned some valves on the device as it began to roar to life. “You will need to match SEVERAL different types of marbles to win the game of love - just as you must do the same in Connection Quartet!”

She pulled a pulley and several hundred marbles poured out of the device onto the table grid. Most spilled off the table and scattered all over the floor, creating a rather large mess. “Hrm. Odd.” Penny said. “I thought I calibrated it to spew only a few marbles at a time.”

“Oh, don’t worry Penny!” Antoine said. “I can heaaaAAAAAAAAHHH!!!” he screamed as he slipped on the marbles on the floor, skating across the room and flying out the window. Kyu and Penny rushed over.

“Are you alright, Antoine?!” Kyu called.

“I’m fine!” Antoine called back. “I landed in this dumpster! Although, I now require another shower.”

Kyu sighed. “I’ve got a LOT of work to do with that boy…”

Chapter Text

“Alright.” Kyu said to Antoine in Kyu’s office the next day. “Vicki’s in the library, reading. She doesn’t like being interrupted whilst reading, so this will be a difficult approach…”

“Perhaps we should wait until after she’s done reading?” Antoine suggested.

“Antoine, please. Remember who the matchmaker here is.” Kyu said. She hummed in thought as she sipped her freshly poured tea. “Now, what makes Vicki so challenging is the fact that she’s something of a misanthrope. From what I’ve been able to glean, she doesn’t particularly like people, and that goes double for royals such as yourself.”

“Really?” Antoine asked, a tad crestfallen.

“She seems to believe that you’re a stereotypical royal - petty, selfish, cruel, etcetera.” Kyu went on. “However, we BOTH know you’re not. Therefore, the first step will be getting Vicki to see that.”

“How do we do that?” Antoine asked.

“Hmmmm…” she hummed in contemplation as she sipped yet more tea. She dropped another teaspoon of sugar into it, since sugar always helps her think. “…Alright, here’s the plan. You know the polo field I have out back?” she asked.

“Er, yes?” Antoine replied.

“Well grab Custard from the stable and saddle up! Leave the rest to me…” Kyu said.

*****

Later, in the library, Kyu found Vicki LeStrange. She was still reading, which seemed to be her favorite hobby. This time, it was an old text regarding mermaids, and how their beauty often belied deadly intent. There are reasons why sailors are superstitious - it’s because of those superstitions have helped to keep them alive over the years.

But enough about that - onto business! Specifically sexy business, which was Kyu’s favorite kind of business. “Well met, Vicki!”

“Ah, Kyu.” Vicki said as she stood up. “I’ve been meaning to ask - what is the Seelie Court’s relationship with the mermaids? I’ve been studying the legends of both mermaids and fairies, and the two are remarkably similar. I wonder if, perhaps, the mermaids would be considered fae in their own right. Perhaps they are even a part of your people’s Court.”

“You surprise me, Vicki! I had no idea you’d be so interested in a topic as vapid as politics.” Kyu replied.

”Human politics are vapid. But fae politics are fascinating.” Vicki countered.

“Trust me, Vicki. They’re not. They’re really, truly not.” Kyu replied. “Whether it’s with your kind or mine, politics is nothing but power-hungry fools bickering with one another over who gets to control what. At least you humans are honest about your lust for power, rather than cloaking it in false veils of self-righteousness.”

“Curious.” Vicki noted. “You seem to disdain other fae in much the same way I disdain other humans.”

“Huh. Never thought of it that way before.” Kyu replied. “Perhaps you are a fae and I am a human, and we were tragically switched at birth, each cursed to come of a age in a world not suited for us.”

“I doubt I’m a changeling, Kyu.” Vicki said. “Believe me, I’ve tested it.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.” Kyu replied. “But I fear we’re getting side-tracked. I came to you to ask if you would join me for a lunch date today.”

Vicki raised an eyebrow at that. “You? Asking me?”

“Stranger things have happened.” Kyu replied.

“Indeed.” Vicki said as she closed the book and put it on the table beside her chair. She stood up and straightened out her dress. “Very well, Kyu. Do lead on.”

*****

As Kyu lead Vicki outside, the weather couldn’t be more perfect for the witch. It was a gloomy, overcast autumn day. Vicki smiled as she removed her hat, not having any reason to fear the wretched sun today. The fairy led the witch to the edge polo field, where they took a seat at a table. Kyu rang her little bell and Battle Butler burst through the bushes.

“Do be a dear and bring us some tea, would you?” Kyu asked.

“Consider it done, madame!” Battle Butler replied as he burst through the bushes once more. Vicki looked out onto the polo field, where there was a woman riding atop a horse, who seemed to be…dancing?

“Is that horse dancing?” Vicki asked.

“Indeed.” Kyu replied. “They seem to be practicing dressage.”

“Dressage?” Vicki asked.

“Horse ballet.” Kyu said. “It’s a real thing that rich people do.”

She’s not kidding. Horse ballet is 100% a real thing. Google it.

“Many consider it to be the highest form of horse training.” Kyu went on. “Where horse and rider are expected to perform from memory a series of predetermined movements.”

The woman took out her riding crop and whipped the horse’s backside several times, probably for performing a maneuver wrong. Vicki scowled at the sight. “Dreadful.” she said. “Yet another example of human barbarity.”

“Indeed.” Kyu replied. As Battle Butler returned with tea, the horse finally had enough of its rider and promptly bucked it off. The beast huffed as it then kicked its rider in the gut and walked off, back toward the stable. Vicki smirked and nodded.

“Serves them right.” Vicki replied. Kyu hid her smirk behind her cup as she raised it for a sip. So far, so good. Just as Kyu suspected, Vicki had a soft spot for animals, as most misanthropes did. Better yet, the witch didn’t even notice the way Business Maid was escorting the rider off the field and discretely handing her her payment for playing the role of abusive horse trainer.

As Antoine and Custard took to the field next, Kyu rolled her eyes. “Don’t look now - here comes Princey-Boy.” she said in an exaggeratedly mocking tone of voice.

“Ugh.” Vicki said. ”Of course the prince would love a sport that allows him to mistreat animals without consequence.”

But as the horse ballet commenced, Antoine held no whip, nor kicked Custard’s sides. The most he did was softly pull on the reins every so often. The rest of the routine was completely in Custard’s control, as he trotted and other dancing horse words in a fashion most beautiful and graceful all across the field. Something that Vicki and Kyu couldn’t help but notice.

“My my!” Kyu observed. “It would seem that Antoine has quite the way with animals!”

“…So it would seem.” Vicki replied.

“Yes, perhaps we’ve misjudged the dear prince…” Kyu oh-so-subtly went on.

“…I know what you’re doing.” Vicki bluntly said.

“Oh?” Kyu innocently asked.

“You’re trying to pair me off with Antoine Hardmeat.” Vicki stated.

“…No I’m not.” Kyu fibbed.

Vicki raised an eyebrow. “Ah, so fairies are capable of speaking an outright lie. Curious.”

Kyu scowled at the witch. Damn her supernatural perception! “I’m merely saying that perhaps Antoine is more than he seems…”

Vicki rolled her eyes at that suggestion. However, it didn’t escape Kyu’s notice the way Vicki glanced at Antoine as he pet his steed’s head and brushed his mane. “…He has a way with horses. I will grant him that.”

Ah-ha! Kyu triumphantly thought. Vicki may seem disinterested, but in truth, this was a mere farce to make herself appear more aloof than she actually was. She was the sort of woman who ‘ran hot and cold’ as the Japanese say. The seed of attraction had been planted. Now the true challenge had begun - nurturing that seed into a flower of carnality. Luckily for Antoine, Kyu had quite the green thumb. And she knew JUST the right type of manure for this particular seed.

“Hrm. So, not attracted to him, then?” Kyu asked.

“Despite your best efforts, no.” Vicki said as she willed her slight blush away and regained her composure.

“Well, toss.” Kyu cursed in a most un-lady-like fashion. “Suppose I’ll have to pair you off with someone else.”

“Suppose you will.” Vicki agreed.

“But first, I’ll have to see to Antoine first.” Kyu added.

“…What?” Vicki asked.

“Oh yes.” Kyu replied as she downed the rest of her tea and stood up. “You see, I already promised the poor prince that I’d help him find a paramour. He had something of a crush on you, so I thought you’d make a good candidate. But, since you don’t reciprocate his feelings, I’ll have to look elsewhere.”

“…Yes. Well. Suppose you will.” Vicki said as she took out her paper fan and fanned herself quite fast for it being such a cool autumn’s afternoon.

“Antoine!” Kyu called, beckoning the young prince over. Antoine walked over with Custard and regarded the mogul.

“Yes, madame?” Antoine asked.

“Slight change of plans, I’m afraid.” Kyu said as she hopped over the fence and mounted Custard, sitting behind Antoine and hugging tightly. “Let us be off to the Classy Lassie!”

“BonBon’s brothel?!” a startled Antoine asked.

“The same.” Kyu said. “We’ll find someone over there who’ll deflower you right quick!”

“Wait a moment-“ Vicki said as she stood up.

“Too late, Vicki! We’re already on our way! See you later!” Kyu said as she kicked Custard’s sides. The horse reared back and whinnied before taking off. Antoine just barely got Custard under control and galloping down the street before turning to Kyu.

“First of all, don’t kick my horse again! Custard’s very sensitive!” Antoine said.

“Oh? Do I detect a bit of indignation? Such a unique look on you, Antoine.” Kyu teased.

Antoine grumbled. “Secondly, a brothel? Really? How does visiting a brothel help me win Vicki’s heart?”

“Just trust me…” Kyu said.

*****

The Classy Lassie was, true to its name, the classiest brothel in Soho. They were greeted at the door by a woman dressed as a school teacher who worked at a school with a very lax dress code. “Ah, hello Madame Sugardust.” the woman greeted.

“Hello Gertrude.” Kyu greeted right back. To the surprise of no one, Kyu was something of a regular to the Classy Lassie - even before the sexy, sexy merger with her own company. “Is BonBon in?”

“For you? Always…” Gertrude purred in reply…

“Ah, but it’s not for me, this time. I’ve brought BonBon a present!” Kyu said as she pulled a red-as-a-conucopia-of-beets Antoine to her side.

“Oooooh~” Gertrude cooed as she sized up the prince. “Oh BonBon is going to eat. Him. Up.”

Antoine shivered. Whether in delight or terror, even he wasn’t entirely certain.

“She’s in her office.” Gertrude said. “I’ll let her know you’re coming up…”

“Thank you, Gertrude.” Kyu replied. And thus, she guided Antoine through the brothel. She guided him through the main chamber, where show girls were dancing in frilly dresses before an audience of people eager to unwind after a long day’s work. Antoine looked away just in time to miss the girls ripping off their skirts and tossing them into the audience. They went through the back chambers, which were quiet, but filled with more courtesans eyeing up Antoine the way leopards eyed up gazelles.

“Kyu…” Antoine whispered. “They’re looking at me like I’m a piece of meat.”

“Of course they are, Antoine.” Kyu said. “These people are in the meat business, after all.”

They ascended a long, circular staircase, and knocked on a rose-red door. “Come iiiim~” called the voice of a siren. The two entered the office of BonBon Von Valentine. On one side of the office was BonBon’s desk, crowded with papers and ‘toys’ and other ‘instruments.’ On the other was a large, comfy-looking bed with heart-shaped pillows. Adjacent to the office was a private booth that looked out over the stage earlier, ensuring that BonBon and her private guests would always have a show.

BonBon herself was by the mini-bar in her office, sipping a fine glass of chardonnay. She was dressed in her favorite dress, a ruby-red showgirl’s dress that hugged her curves like a lover, and revealing just the right amount of cleavage. She smiled as she eyed up Antoine. “Kyu…” BonBon purred. “What is this treat you’ve brought me…”

“Oh, just a poor, lonely boy in need of company.” Kyu said as she sat him down in a conveniently-placed arm chair. “Think you could provide assistance?”

“How could I not…” BonBon cooed as she set down her drink and oh-so-slowly walked over. Antoine looked up at the woman, who seemed to be lust itself given flesh. Was she always this tall? He doesn’t recall her being so tall. She planted her foot on his chair, right in front of his crotch, giving him a very good look at her leg, covered only by a fishnet stocking. Kyu took a seat in another armchair, eager to watch-

Okay, gonna stop you right there.

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

“What?” Kyu asked. “Why?”

“Because I don’t see how one of your executives giving one of your other executives a Victorian lap dance is relevant to any of this.” Lola sardonically clarified.

“Ugh. Fine.” Kyu replied. “I guess we’ll skip to the part where…”

*********************
London, England
1898
*********************

Vicki kicked down the door to BonBon’s office mere seconds before the courtesan was about to show the young man her ankle. “Unhand him!” she demanded.

“Oh thank God.” Antoine sighed as all tension, sexual or otherwise, left his body.

“Oh?” BonBon pouted as she took a few steps away from the prince. “But I’ve barely handed him at all.”

“Nor will you!” Vicki huffed as she walked over to the chair and turned toward Antoine. “…Mr. Hardmeat I would like to….ask you to….to….”

“To….?”

“…Joinmeforacupofafternoonteatomorrow.” Vicki quickly blathered, her face nearly as red as Antoine’s was earlier.

Antoine’s eyes widened. “R-r-really?” he asked. “I-I-I yes! A thousand times, yes!” he said as he triumphantly stood up.

“Fine, fine, very well.” Vicki said as she turned away, trying to hide her own blush. “Now please, do escort me out. I can’t tell you how many men I’ve hexed on my way up here for thinking I was an…’employee’ here.”

“That corset does make you look the part, dear.” BonBon teased.

“Hush, you.” Vicki said as she shot BonBon a glare and started hugging Antoine’s arm.

“Right then. You heard the lady, Antoine! Escort her out!” Kyu encouraged.

“Er…okay.” Antoine replied as he lead Vicki out of the room.

Once they were out, Kyu turned to BonBon and smiled. “Well done, BonBon. You played your part beautifully.”

“A pleasure as always.” BonBon replied. “A witch and a prince. Who would’ve thought?”

“I had a feeling she’d be fond of him.” Kyu said. “It was simply a matter of raising the stakes as it were. You know - sink her claws into him before you do…”

“Oh stop.” BonBon giggled. “Though…now I’m all hot and bothered. Do you mind if I call up Ben Dover to satisfy me?”

“Please do!” Kyu chirped.

One phone call to the front desk later, a strapping young man wearing nothing but a bowtie and a speedo appeared. BonBon smiled as greedily as she beckoned him over with a-

Kyu!

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

“Oh come on!” Kyu pleaded. “You’re REALLY telling me you DON’T wanna hear how BonBon gave this guy one of her patented upside-down titty jobs?!”

Lola sighed as she set down her empty cup. “Don’t get me wrong Kyu. Listening to you regale me with the romantic hijinks of your 19th century workforce is entertaining and all, but nothing about your story so far has really told me why you’re here. Kind of eager to get to that part, if I’m being honest.”

Kyu grunted as she set down her own tea cup. “Humans these days. You know a century ago, people LOVED this shit! Then movies with sound came along and ruined everything.”

Lola gave no verbal reply. She only stood up and put her hands on her hips. “Enough stories, Kyu. What are you actually doing here?”

Kyu sighed. Recognizing that she could distract Lola no longer, she stood up as well. “Come on.” she said, beckoning the human to follow.

The two women walked down the hall and arrived at that large painting from before - the one of Kyu with all her executives. Kyu gave the portrait one last look before pulling on a wall-mounted candleholder next to the portrait. With the sound of stone grinding against stone, the wall opened up, revealing a dark stone passage way that lead down into a dungeon most dark. Kyu took a torch that, with a snap of her fingers, erupted into bright pink flames.

“Come on, Lola.” Kyu said as she started heading down the steps. “Let’s get down to business…”

Lola reluctantly followed. Then the wall closed behind them.

Chapter Text

Down and down Kyu and Lola went, into the catacombs of the Sugardust Estate. “Your estate has catacombs?” Lola incredulously asked.

“It was the nineties.” Kyu answered. “Catacombs were all the rage back then.”

“The nineties?” Lola asked.

“Oh for - the eighteen nineties.” Kyu clarified, resentful at the need for clarification.

“Right, right.” Lola said. “So, I take it the treasure is down here?”

“You got it.” Kyu replied.

“And that’s the reason why you’re here?” Lola asked.

“Got it again.” Kyu replied. “The treasure’s been hidden here for decades, but since I’m selling off the estate, I gotta move it somewhere else.”

“Why are you selling the estate?” Lola asked.

“Uh, cuz recession?” Kyu answered, as though it should be obvious. “The pandemic was hard on everyone. Even us fairies. Court needed extra cash, and just my luck, I’m the one that drew the short straw.”

“…The Fairy Court needed extra cash?” Lola asked, making sure she heard that right.

“Hey - that’s the global economy for ya.” Kyu replied. “But before the auction begins, I HAVE to grab the treasure and put it somewhere safe. You see, this isn’t any old treasure we’re dealing with here. This is magic treasure. The kinda treasure that could REALLY fuck shit up if it ever fell into the wrong hands.”

Lola raised an eyebrow. “What? You mean you could take over the world with it?”

“Or at the very least, exact vengeance…” Kyu muttered.

*********************
London, England
1898
*********************

Autumn was over, and Winter had arrived in a most grand fashion, cloaking all London with its blanket of snow. But it would take far more than a bit of cold weather to stop a hostile takeover.

And by ‘hostile takeover,’ I of course mean ‘mass ball in St. Ambrose Park.’

“Haha!” Max Gentlemen said as he punched a ruffian square in the jaw. “Take that!” The man’s shirt had been torn to shreds, but he didn’t much mind. Even in this weather, the heat of battle was more than enough to keep him warm. Even so though, the weather still made his nipples rather hard. Something that didn’t go unappreciated as Kyu herself did a bit of battle.

“Ho ho!” Sinterklaas said as he delivered a gut punch to another ruffian. “You’ve been VERY naughty this year!”

Wait, Sinterklaas? You mean Santa Claus? Like, THE Santa Claus?

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

“No, not LITERALLY Santa Claus. He was a recent hire.” Kyu explained. “I met him and hired him at the Winter Gala.”

“There was a Winter Gala?” Lola asked.

“Yeah.” Kyu said. “I WOULD have told you all about it, but you seemed awfully keen on skipping ahead!”

“Ah, I see.” Lola replied.

“…I COULD tell you about the Winter Gala, if you want.” Kyu said.

“No thanks. I’m good.” Lola said.

“You sure?” Kyu asked. “It was a good one. I hired Sinterklaas. Vicki and Antoine finally kissed underneath a mistletoe. Max Gentlemen and I fucked in Lord Gobblebottom’s private study while BonBon watched.”

“Kyu…” Lola sighed wearily.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go back to the plot.” Kyu grumbled in indignation.

*********************
London, England
1898
*********************

The battle at last reached its climax as Kyu’s fist collided with Puck’s jaw, knocking him down onto the cold, unforgiving, blood-stained snow. She then looked around the park, and saw how all of Puck’s employees were now in retreat. “Friends! The day is ours!” she declared.

“Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!” the executives and the employees all cheered.

Kyu then leaned over the prone Puck. “Now then, about that business you stole from me…”

“I believe I’m the one to talk to about that.”

Kyu looked up with a raised eyebrow as a strange man approached. He appeared to be an older gentleman, if the grey in his hair was any indication, though he looked quite handsome and fit for a man of his age. However, this wasn’t enough to counter-act the sheer gaudiness of that leopard-print vest over that white coat shirt. As if that wasn’t enough, he wore an honest-to-goodness cape that was pinned in place by a golden British pound symbol on his collar. Finally, he walked with a most villainous cane, which likewise had the symbol of the British pound as its head.

“And who might you be?” Kyu asked.

The man smirked. Something about him seemed…familiar. And not in a good way. “I am Puck’s…employer.”

Kyu glanced down at Puck, who was looking at the man as though he were the devil himself. “I see.” Kyu said, surmising that this must have been the man who had entrapped Puck into his deal.

“My name is Cashious Villionaire.” the man introduced himself.

Villionaire. A name that Kyu hadn’t heard in over a hundred years. A name that she had hoped to never here again.

Villionaire smiled as he noticed the shocked look on Kyu’s face. “You know who I am.” he noted.

“…I know the name. But not the man.” Kyu said as she stepped between Cashious and Puck, feeling an urge to protect her fellow Fae, despite past disagreements. “Or at least, not the man standing before me.”

“No, I imagine you’d be more familiar with a different man.” Cashious replied.

“Who’s this bloke?” Pip Whipple asked with her arms crossed over her chest.

“And what does he want?” BonBon Von Valentine added with a dirty look of her own.

“Oh, I believe Madame Sugardust already knows EXACTLY what I want.” Cashious replied. “But little does she know that, while she was busy getting into petty spats with her former lover here and growing her pitiful little business empire, I had already taken it while her back was turned…”

Kyu’s eyes widened in realization. She wheeled on her heel towards the rest of her executive staff. “Everyone back to the estate. NOW!” she ordered. Like good little soldiers, her executives took off, back toward Sugardust Estate. She picked up the beaten Puck and flung him over her shoulders. She turned toward Cashious with a withering look. “I’ll deal with YOU later.”

And on that note, she ran back toward the estate, leaving a smug Cashious Villionaire standing in the snow.

*****

Once everyone was back at the estate, she ordered all the defenses be manned. Like any manor worth its salt, Sugardust Estate was equipped with top-of-the-line cannons for the purposes of dealing with labor unions. Once the perimeter was secure, she took the secret passageway into the estate’s catacombs, insisting on going alone.

Down and down it went, pink-flamed torch in hand. It must still be there. She thought to herself. It must be! How could he possibly get down here?

She finally reached the bottom-most chamber. She opened the chamber door, and the color left her face.

It was gone.

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

“There it is - right where it’s supposed to be.” Kyu said. Lola’s eyes widened at the sight of it.

There, sat upon a stone pedestal, was a single blue gem - no bigger than a marble. But for such a little thing, it sparkled with magic…and power. “Is that it?” Lola asked.

“Yup. The Sanctus Lapis Fortunae. Crafted thousands of years ago by the greatest jewelers in all the Lands of Fae.” Kyu said as she walked up to the pedestal. She took out a little plastic ziplock bag and, using a pair of tweezers, placed the gem within the bag. “A’ight. We good.”

“…A plastic bag?” Lola asked. “You’re putting a gem of ancient power in a plastic bag?”

“It works, doesn’t it?” Kyu asked as she walked right back up to Lola. “Obviously, it’s only temporary. Until I can find a safer place for it, THIS little dime bag is staying on my person at all times.”

“So…that’s it, then?” Lola asked as she followed Kyu back up the winding stairs out of the catacombs. “Mission accomplished?”

“Pretty much.” Kyu said. “All I gotta do now is attend the auction tomorrow and we’ll be all set.”

She turned to Lola with a smile. “Hey, why dontcha come? There’ll be snacks and drinks!”

Lola rolled her eyes. “No thanks. I think I’m good.”

“Hrm. Shame.” Kyu said. “I coulda told you more stories…”

*********************
London, England
1898
*********************

“Sanctus Lapis Fortunae?” Business Maid asked.

Kyu nodded. She and Business Maid were standing on the balcony overlooking the Sugardust gardens. The moon was full that night, casting its silvery glow upon the snow-covered-

Right, right, the bad guy stole the gem, but you eventually defeated the bad guy and got the gem back. I got the basic idea, Kyu. You don’t really need to go into any more detail.

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

“…You know what you are, Lola?” Kyu asked. “You’re the kind of person who only ever watched the first two Avengers movies, because watching all the other MCU movies was too much ‘work’ for you, and then when you watched the THIRD Avengers movie, you complained about all the plot lines and characters that seemingly came out of nowhere.”

“I was never a huge fan of the Marvel movies.” Lola confessed. “I’m more of a DC kinda gal.”

“Yeah, you would be…” Kyu bitterly grumbled.

Chapter Text

Lola Rembrite wasn’t entirely sure why she went to the auction the next day. There was no practical purpose behind it, and it almost CERTAINLY wouldn’t get her any closer to getting her boutique off the ground, which was the whole reason she came to Britain to begin with. She supposed she was doing it for the same reason she visited the Sugardust Estate the first time - sheer curiosity.

As she stepped out of the cabbie and stepped out in front of the Surgardust Estate once again, she noticed that the area was a lot more crowded than it was the day before. The driveway outside the gardens was packed with parked cars, all of which were either brand new, or had been so thoroughly cleaned and polished that they seemed brand new. She began her ascent up the steps, through the gardens, and to the front door of the manor.

The further she ascended, the shabbier she felt. Her favorite grey jacket and matching scarf felt like rags compared to all the business suits and business skirts everyone else here was wearing. They were all chatting over tea and crumpets, commentating on how the service was making them feel like they traveled back in time to the Victorian era, and were openly chatting about what they would do with the land if they won the auction. Specifically, what to build on top of it once that eyesore of a manor was torn down.

Eventually, she finally found Kyu, standing near the front of the manor itself, sitting in a chair and sipping tea. She looked up at Lola with a raised eyebrow. “Well well well, look who just couldn’t help herself. Again.”

Lola shrugged. “What can I say? When you find out your boss is a centuries old fae, you kinda HAVE to follow up on that.”

“Well, if you came to see some fairy magic, you’re in for a disappointment, I’m afraid. What little magic is left in this place is about to be sold off for quick cash like an old pokemon trading card.” Kyu explained, unable to keep a little bitterness out of her voice.

She poured herself another cup of tea. She sipped it, then scrunched up her face, shuddering in revulsion. “Shit, fucked it up again.” she cursed. “Business Maid never taught me her recipe.”

“…You loved this place, didn’t you?” Lola asked. Kyu replied with a raised eyebrow. “You’ve got a lot of good memories attached to this place. That’s why you were so eager to share so many stories with me yesterday. And why you’re clearly not happy about having to sell the estate off.”

“…What are you, some kind of psyche major?” Kyu asked.

“Business major.” Lola corrected. “Though I did minor in psyche.”

“Of course you did.” Kyu grumbled. “Tommy REALLY fucked up to let you get away.”

“More specifically, he fucked Ashley…” Lola grumbled a bit herself.

Kyu angry-sighed, not even giggling at that little jab Lola made at her ex-boyfriend. It was ironic. Even though she now knew that Kyu was anything but, this was actually the first time Lola saw her as, well, human. A week ago, she was a perverted, egotistical, greedy CEO. But now Lola was starting to see a different side of the pink-haired woman - a side tinged loneliness, regret, and a longing to return to a happier time in her life.

“…So. After this, you wanna go out for a drink?” Lola asked. “It’s Lady’s Night down at the Horny Badger.”

Kyu sighed. “If you’re buying? Sure. Oberon knows I’ll need to get drunk after today…”

*****

Once all the guests had arrived, they all took their seats in plastic folding chairs arrayed in front of the manor. Lola stood off to the side, observing the whole affair. Kyu stood at the podium in front of the crowd. The din of the crowd died down as the pink-haired lady, clad in her own hot pink business skirt, cleared her throat. “Ladies and gentleman. Thank you for all attending this auction.”

She gestured to the manor. “This is the Sugardust Estate. This land has been in my family for nearly two hundred years. It served as the primary base of operations for my Great Great Great Great Grandmother, Madame Kyu Sugardust the Fifth, and her business venture, Sugardust Enterprises, an investment company that merged with several other companies during the turn of the twentieth century.”

“As you can see however, the property took a pounding during the Blitz of 1940. Rather than repair and renovate the grounds, however, my family chose to allow nature to reclaim it, and treat it as hallowed ground. BUT, for the first time in 80 years, it will do far more than simply gather overgrowth. Today I shall, with a heavy heart, sell it off. I would like to think that my ancestor would approve of this business transaction, as sentiment should never stand in the way of progress. Or profits.”

The obscenely rich crowd chuckled at that little joke with varying degrees of sincerity. Lola frowned a bit as she looked at Kyu. The fairy was smiling, but she was selling off an old house that she lived in, where she had a life, off to someone who was probably going to tear it down. That would be hard on anyone - human, fairy, or otherwise.

“Let us begin the bidding at one hundred thousand pounds!” Kyu said with a bang of her gavel to start.

“Two hundred!” bid one gentleman with his bidding paddle. “Thousand, that is.”

“I have two hundred thousand!” Kyu said. “Do I hear three hundred?”

“Three hundred!” chirped one lady as she raised her own paddle.

“Three hundred!” Kyu parroted. “Do I hear four hundred?”

“Ten million.”

Every one there turned toward someone sitting near the back. The mysterious woman stood up, holding up her paddle. She was a dark-skinned young woman with long black hair that was tied back in a bun. By far her most eye-catching features were the tattoos that enveloped half her face. She wore a navy-blue business suit and matching necktie and pants - no skirt, unlike all the other women there. She also wore black sunglasses that made it difficult to see her eyes, even though it was actually a bit of a cloudy day.

Lola couldn’t help but stare at the woman, and not just because of the tattoos. There was something strangely familiar about her. Like she had seen that face somewhere before.

“Ten. Million.” she repeated in an unmistakably New Zealand accent.

Kyu grinned like a mad hatter. For a split-second, Lola could swear she could see Kyu’s wings flutter excitedly. “TEN. MILLION. POUNDS!” she triumphantly declared. “Going once! Going TWICE…”

No one else was willing to match that price. Not for a dump like this. And more than a few auction-goers leered at the mysterious woman for buying out the whole auction, effectively ripping the rug out from all of them. She didn’t seem to notice all the dirty looks, and if she did, she no doubt didn’t care.

“SOLD!” Kyu shouted. “To the Kiwi in the shades! Thank you for coming, one and all!”

The crowd quickly dissipated, grumbling as they returned to their cars, displeased by the results. The mysterious woman walked up to Kyu by the podium and shook hands with the pink-haired woman, her face utterly neutral and all business. “I’m eager to hammer out the details of this transaction, Ms. Sugardust.”

“Yeah, same.” Kyu said. “Come on - I’ve managed to clean up the Madame’s old office, where DOZENS of deals were struck. Ours will be the first contract signed in that office in almost a hundred years!”

“Always a pleasure to make history.” the woman said with smirk. “Lead on.”

*****

When Kyu agreed to go out drinking with Lola after the auction, she did so on the assumption that it would be drinking of the ‘sorrow-drowning’ variety, on account of having to sell off a beloved piece of her past. But, on account of being ten million pounds richer, the drinking down at the Horny Badger took on a more celebritory tone.

“THIS ROUND’S ON ME BOOOOOOOYS!!!” Kyu shouted, drawing drunken hurrahs from the rest of the bar. The bartender slid the pink-haired woman and her curly-haired companion a pint each. They took their drinks and took their seats as the bar erupted in uproarious cheers.

As the night wore on, Kyu became increasingly inebriated, all while Lola watched in a mix of awe and horror as her boss drank enough alcohol to kill a small monkey. “So!” Kyu shouted after downing her fourth pint that night. “Where was I?”

“Er...the Lapis was stolen by some bad guy?” Lola answered.

“Right!” Kyu shouted as she thumped her glass. “Bad enough that bugger stole me business! Bad enough that MEATER stole the lapis while me back was turned, but then, BUT THEN, he KIDNAPPED me Battle Butler AND me Business Maid.”

“…Are you talking with an English accent?” Lola asked.

“It’s the atmosphere.” Kyu replied. “It’s affecting me, girl.”

*********************
London, England
1899
*********************

On the edge of one of Cashious Villionaire’s MANY cliffside estates, Kyu was faced with an impossible choice presented to her by the vile villain. Her beloved Battle Butler and Business Maid, hanging over a cliff by their ankles. One would die. The other would be saved. And it was on Kyu to decide who would live and who would die.

Kyu glared at the villain. “You are a particular kind of bastard, Villionaire.”

“I’m well aware.” Cashious said. He looked over to the hourglass on the table next to him, which didn’t have all that much sand left. Indeed, there seemed to be only a few minutes’ worth of sand left. “You had best make your choice soon, Madame Sugardust. If the sand runs out and you haven’t yet made your choice, I’ll drop BOTH to their fates.”

“I should be the one dangling off the cliff, Cashious. Not. Them. Punish me if you must, but leave THEM out of it!” Kyu spat.

“Oh but don’t you see, Kyu?” Cashious asked. “I am punishing you.”

“But why?” she asked. “You already have the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae. What more do you want?”

“Revenge.” Cashious said. He walked up to the fairy and leered down at her. “You left my Great Great Grandfather to die on some Godforsaken rock in the middle of the ocean, damning my family to a destitution that lasted five generations.”

“You think I wanted to?” Kyu asked. “I loved him! When he got drunk on the lapis’s power, Venus wanted me to kill him but...but I couldn’t. So I left him there, where he wouldn’t do anyone any harm.”

Okay, slow down, I feel like we’re missing some context.

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Kyu drawled. “I thought you WANTED me to skip to the GOOD PARTS and forego ALL proper set-up like I’m Zack Bloody Snyder.”

She down the last of her mug and slammed it on the table. “And I don’t care what anyone says - the Snyder Cut is overrated! I mean, yeah, it was better than the original cut, but that’s not exactly a high bar to clear.”

Lola just sighed. “Never mind. Forget I said anything, just continue.”

*********************
London, England
1899
*********************

“Save your breath, Sugardust.” Cashios said. “I’m well aware of your kind’s reputation for deception, and I will not be fooled. Besides - you’re running out of time.”

He dramatically gestured to the hourglass. “Your butler, or your maid? You have about, oh, thirty seconds I would say to make your choice.”

Kyu crossed her arms over her chest. “I will NOT play your sick game, Villionaire.”

Cashious smirked. “Very well.” He glanced at the hourglass and, once the hourglass ran out, he snapped his fingers. The lines were cut, and Battle Butler and Business Maid both plummeted toward the jagged rocks below.

“NO!!!” Kyu shouted as she ran to the cliff’s edge, only to watch as her beloved servants hit the rocks.

Then bounce off them. “Oof!” Battle Butler said as his face bumped against one of the not-nearly-as-hard-as-they-seemed spikes.

“…What?” Kyu asked. She whipped her head around at Cashious, who was having a hearty laugh at the fairy’s expanse.

“Oh come now, Kyu. What kind of sociopath do you take me for?” Cashious asked once his laughter died down a bit. “Your servants were never in any real danger. The spikes below this cliff were merely made from rubber.”

“…Rubber?” Kyu asked.

“Indeed. It’s where I made my fortune.” Cashious explained. “As a matter of fact, my company is the foremost supplier of rubber throughout all the empire, and indeed, the world!”

“So what?” Kyu asked as she stood up and brushed the dirt off her dress. “You kidnap my two most beloved servants and lure me out here just to torture me?”

“Not entirely.” Cashious said. “I was curious to see what kind of person you truly were. So I presented you with a classic moral quandary. Do you save the butler? The maid? Neither? Both, somehow?”

The man leaned forward on his cane. “You chose not to play the game at all. You refused to bend to my will. Some would commend you for that, but not I. It shows me that you value your own stubborn pride more than the well-being of your employees.”

“…This isn’t over, Villionaire.” Kyu said. “I took down Puck, stripped him of all his business assets, and ran him out of London. And I can just as easily do the same to you!”

“You’ll certainly try.” Cashious coolly replied. “Now collect your servants and begone from my lair.”

Kyu scowled before jumping off the cliff herself and bouncing upon the rubber rocks. “You two alright?” Kyu asked as she started untying Battle Butler and Business Maid.

“We’re fine, Madame.” Business Maid replied as she was untied. “But…what was Cashious on about? Great Great Grandfathers and such?”

“Oh, he thinks I left his ancestor to die on some deserted island in the middle of the ocean.” Kyu replied.

“His ancestor?” Business Maid asked. “But wouldn’t that make you hundreds of years old?”

“Well get this - he thinks I’m a fairy.” Kyu said as she started untying Battle Butler.

“Oh my.” Business Maid replied. “…Bit of a nutter, isn’t he?”

“The kidnappings suggested as much.” Kyu said as she hefted Battle Butler up onto his feet and carried him out, with one arm draped across her shoulders.

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

“Okay, up you go.” Lola said as she hefted a drunken Kyu up onto her feet and carried her out, with one arm draped across her shoulders. “You can crash in my hotel room tonight, Kyu.”

“Noice!” Kyu said in her posh London accent. “Anyway, I eventually DID work my way through the London districts and confront Cashious Villionaire hisself in St. Ambrose Park, but get this - beating people up in the park? ILLEGAL! Even when you’re RICH! So I got ARRESTED!”

She hiccuped. “But that’s a story for the morning. I feel a tad like I’m about to black out.”

“I gathered as much.” Lola said. “Which is why I’m carrying you out of the pub and into a cab.”

“You know, as much as I may miss the Victorian era, I have to admit - there are some things about it that I DON’T miss.” Kyu ranted ever-so-elegantly. “Namely, having an arch-nemesis conspiring against me from the shadows. Very glad I don’t have THAT to deal with in the 21st century.”

*****

The tattooed woman still wore her sunglasses, even as Dusk was beginning to fall on the decrepit Sugardust Estate, which was now, as of today, her property. She stood out on the balcony, leaning on the railing. She heard someone clearing their throat behind her. She turned around and saw a bald, muscular man - sporting a business suit, sunglasses, and facial tattoos to match her own. “We checked the catacombs. It wasn’t there.” he said in a thick New Zealand accent.

The woman sighed and nodded. “She must’ve moved it before the auction.”

“Did you really think she wouldn’t?” the man asked.

“Nah, I knew she would.” the woman replied. “But I figured, hey, maybe we’d get lucky. Where is she now?”

“She was last spotted having a big one on the turps down at the Horny Badger, a dive pub on the East End. Some girl with an afro hopped into a cab with her.” the man explained. He then walked up to his boss and handed her his phone. “We followed them to this hotel.”

She looked at the hotel address on his phone, nodded, then handed it back to her man. “Good work.”

“So, Plan B then?” the man asked.

She hummed in thought. “Not quite yet. I wanna see what she does next. Right now, just watch ‘em. Both of ‘em.”

“Both?” the man asked.

“Any woman who keeps company with a genuine pakepakeha is a woman you watch close.” the woman sternly said. “Understand?”

The man nodded in reply. “Understood, Ms. Iraia.”

Chapter Text

Kyu spent the next morning nursing a hangover. “Guuuuhhhhh…..” she groaned. “What the fuck did I even do last night….”

“Got drunk and told me a story.” Lola said as she poured Kyu a bit of tea.

“Which story was it?” Kyu asked.

“The one where Cashious Villonaire kidnapped your two servants.” Lola replied. “And then you mentioned that you got arrested shortly thereafter.”

“Oh yeah.” Kyu replied. “The Trial of Kyu Sugardust the Fifth - the Spring of 1899. Many were calling it the trial of the century.”

*********************
London, England
1899
*********************

“All rise for the honorable Judge Strong.” said the bailiff as the judge entered the courtroom and took his place.

“Alright, I want a good clean legal battle.” the judge said. “And let’s make this quick - I’ve got a fox hunt right after this and it’s finally my turn on the fox hunting horn. Prosecution, make your claim.”

Antoine Hardmeat quivered as he hung his head, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

Wait a minute, Antoine? Antoine was the prosecutor? I thought he was one of your executives. Shouldn’t he have been on your side?

Well he wasn’t.

Why not?

Ugh, fuck it, I’m sorry, I can’t do this right now.

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

“I am WAY too hungover for story-time.” Kyu moaned in misery as she clutched her head. “To be continued.” And with one final groan, her head hit the pillow once again as she pulled her blanket over her head.

Lola sighed. “You need anything?”

“Just to be sealed inside this room with no light or loud noises.” Kyu grumbled.

“Okay.” Lola replied. “Well, I’m heading down to the hotel’s gym. Call me if you need anything.”

Kyu only gave another un-sexy moan in reply.

*****

The hotel was a fancy one, and like any fancy hotel worth its salt, it naturally had its own gym. It had everything - a weight room, a treadmill room, a yoga room, a swimming pool, and a boxing ring. It was the ring where Lola was heading, after she changed into a tank top and sport shorts.

A few months prior, Lola signed up for kickboxing lessons and, despite having always been more of a lover than a fighter, quickly fell in love with it. Sure, tennis will always be her first love, but even first loves get stale after a while. Kickboxing was so much visceral, primal even. Two warriors entering the ring. Only one coming out victorious. It appealed to her competitive nature, she supposed.

Unfortunately, it didn’t look like she’d be getting a boxing partner today, as the ring was looking mostly empty. What few people were there were only there for the smoothie bar adjacent to the boxing area. It seemed that the punching bag would be Lola’s partner today. She started with a few jabs, followed by a left hook, right hook. Roundhouse kick! She wailed on that thing for about twenty minutes. She was about to take a break…

“HA!”

When the punching bag next to her own was viciously attacked by a wild warrior. Lola turned and was surprised to see none other than the tattooed woman who bought Kyu’s property swinging wild haymakers at her bag with everything she had. She delivered a heel kick that made it swing back. When it swung back in her direction, she slammed down on it with both fists. Even a punching bag can only take so much punishment, as the chain snapped from the stress and it the floor, further startling Lola, as well as getting a dirty look from the gym manager.

“…Sorry, mate.” the woman replied. “Go ahead and put that one on me bill, I’ll play for that.” She wasn’t wearing her shades, and Lola could see her eyes - an almost unnaturally bright shade of sky blue. That’s when she finally recognized her.

“Holy shit.” Lola said. “You’re Kaihautu Iraia.”

Lola read about Kaihautu in Business Weekly - she was the CEO of Iraia Industries, the fastest-growing holding company in New Zealand. Under Iraia Industries’ parentage was everything from contractors to food service. But what REALLY kicked Iraia Industries’ rising star into overdrive was its procurement of the Cerberus Corporation, one of the fastest-growing pharmaceutical research firms in the western market!

Kaihautu turned to Lola with a raised eyebrow. “What’s it to ya?” she asked.

“Oh! Uh, nothing.” Lola replied. “Sorry. Just…BIG fan.”

The tattooed woman crossed her arms over her chest with an amused smirk. “That so, eh?”

“Ever since your acquisition of Cerberus Corporation, people have been calling you the Elon Musk of the South Pacific.” Lola went on.

Kaihautu snorted. “Still can’t believe they’re comparin’ me to THAT muppet.”

“I know, right?” Lola asked. “Elon Musk is so overrated. The man makes a few smart investments, smokes some weed on a podcast, and suddenly he’s being hailed as a superhero.”

“Yah, newsflash - the guy didn’t INVENT electric cars.” Kaihautu said. Lola couldn’t help but giggle like a schoolgirl.

“…Hey.” Lola said. “Can I…” God she couldn’t believe she was about to do this. “Can I buy you some brunch?”

Kaihautu thought about it for a minute. Then she glanced at the ring and smirked. “How about this - you and me go a round in the ring. Loser buys brunch.”

It was Lola turn to smirk now. “Alright. You’re on. Name’s Lola, by the way. Lola Rembrite.”

“Beaut.” Kaihautu chirped. “Now I know what name to write on the tombstone after I bury ya.” she taunted with a cackle.

With that, the two began suiting up. They donned their headgear, shin guards, and mouth guards. Then, they both hopped into the ring, with Lola in the blue corner and Kaihautu in the red corner. They each mimed out some punches in their respective corners. “Oi! You!” Kaihautu shouted to a random gym goer emerging from the smoothie bar, banana-strawberry smoothie in hand. “Ring the bell, would ya?”

“Er…sure.” the blonde said as she walked over and rang the bell. She then took a seat on the bench and began to watch the fight as she sipped her smoothie through her straw.

Kaihautu snarled as she came out swinging. She and Lola met in the ring and straight away tried to take a swing at the American’s head with her right fist. Lola quickly blocked though and hit Kaihautu with a quick jab. The Kiwi snarled trying to jab at Lola’s gut viciously with her left fist. Lola grunted, taking the hits, before delivering a right hook to the investment mogul’s head. This bought her enough time to follow it up with a pair of left jabs to her face, forcing Kaihautu to back up.

“Not bad.” Kaihautu complimented.

“You’re not so bad yourself.” Lola complimented right back. “But you’re too aggressive. Left yourself open.”

The tattooed woman shrugged. “In my experience, that’s not a problem if the other bitch is bleeding!” she said as she lunged with another right hook to Lola’s head. Lola was again able to block it, but Kaihautu wasn’t discouraged. She was on the war path, delivering jab after jab to her opponent’s raised fists, trying to wear her down. When she paused to take a breath, that’s when Lola seized the initiative delivered a quick right jab to Kaihautu’s face again. Lola smirked.

“Lemme guess - you like going for early knockouts?” Lola asked.

“Usually works…” Kaihautu growled.

“Not against someone with decent stamina.” Lola said. “All I have to do is let you exhaust yourself and-“

She was cut off when Kaihautu stamped her foot. “Ow!” Lola shouted, just before Kaihautu hit her with a wild haymaker knocking her to the ground. “Hey! No blows below the belt.”

“I never agreed to that.” Kaihautu said with a grin. “Nor did YOU ever think to even MENTION that lil’ rule.”

Lola grunted as she stood up and took her fighting stance again. “Still a dirty trick, though.”

“Lola, I’m in the investment business.” Kaihautu pointed out. “Dirty tricks come part and parcel in my line of work.”

“Well, guess I’ll just have to ADAPT!” Lola shouted as she jumped and delivered a heel kick to Kaihautu’s solar plexus, knocking her onto her back. She then knelt down on one knee and delivered a hard punch to her gut. Kaihautu responded with a hard punch to Lola’s face as she sprang up, knocking the American on her ass.

Lola held up a gloved hand as Kaihautu stood up. Kaihautu paused and watched as Lola spat out a bit of blood. “Okay. You win.” Lola groaned in pain. “I think I’ve taken enough punishment for one day…”

Kaihautu laughed as she helped Lola up. “Be proud. Not many Americans can say they went toe-to-toe with a maori warrior and came out mostly intact.”

“Warrior?” Lola asked, teasingly. “I thought you were a CEO.”

Kaihautu spat out her mouthguard and grinned, revealing her own bloody teeth. “What’s the difference? Both professions are all about mercilessly grinding your rivals into dust. Now, about that brunch you owe me…”

*****

After changing back into their street clothes, Lola and Kaihautu went to a restaurant a couple blocks away from the hotel. Lola knew the place well from her last vacation here - it had good food and good service. Once they sat down to eat, they were each handed a glass of ice water and a menu by the waiter, who walked away to leave them to ponder their orders.

Lola sighed nostalgically as she looked over the menu. “God, I missed British food. I don’t care what anyone says. It’s good food.”

“Missed it?” Kaihautu asked. “You mean you’ve been in Britain before?”

“Been here? I spent my high school years here.” Lola replied. “I’m from a military family. We moved around a lot. California, New York, and of course, here.”

“Huh.” Kaihautu replied. “Well in that case, got any recommendations for a Kiwi visitin’ London for the first time?”

“Well for first timers, I recommend bangers and mash.” Lola replied. “It’s basically sausage and mashed potatoes served with gravy. Or a Cornish pasty. It’s a pastry stuffed with ground meat and vegetables.”

“I’m sensin’ a theme…” Kaihautu said as she looked over the menu.

“Part of the reason British food gets such a bad rap is because it doesn’t go out of its way to be fancy.” Lola said. “Its good, hearty food that fills you up. You’re meant to eat it, not post it on instagram.”

Kaihautu smiled and nodded. “Alright, think I’ll give the bangers and mash a go.”

“I’ll be ordering a full English breakfast.” Lola said. “Bacon, eggs, sausage, toast, beans, mushrooms and tomatoes, all on one plate.”

“Crikey.” Kaihautu said. She looked the woman up and down. “How the hell do ya eat like that and still have that kinda figure?”

“Well, I’m on vacation, so I’m cheating a little.” Lola replied. “Doesn’t hurt that I stay active. Before I got into boxing a few months ago, I was the queen of the tennis court.”

“Hrm.” Kaihautu hummed as she sipped her water. She gestured to herself. “I’ve been boxin’ since I was twelve. I’m also classically trained with the taiaha.”

“You take your heritage seriously, don’t you?” Lola asked.

“Most maori do.” Kaihautu said. She turned the tattooed side of her face toward Lola and traced a finger down her tattoos. “This is me whole family history, right here. Got a lotta mana in me.”

“Mana?” Lola asked.

“Spirit energy. Yanno, magic stuff.” Kaihautu replied. “If you believe in such things, that is.”

“Hrm.” Lola hummed as she sipped her water. She once didn’t, but between learning that fairies and witches were apparently real, maori spirit energy didn’t seem so far fetched. The waiter came by to pick up their menus and the two women placed their water.

“So, what do you do for a livin’, Lola?” Kaihautu asked.

“…I work in adult entertainment.” Lola replied after a moment’s hesitation, with as much dignity as she could muster.

Kaihautu nodded. “Makes sense. You sure got the body for it.” she chuckled. “Guessin’ you work for Sugardust?”

Lola blinked. “Well, yes.” she replied. “You know about Huniepop?”

“When the Sugardust Estate went up for sale, I did me research on the property’s owner, Kyu Sugardust herself. Huniepop…er, ‘popped’ up.” Kaihautu explained. “So how’d you wind up spreadin’ yer legs in front of a camera fer scratch?”

Lola sighed. “I was a stewardess before I joined Huniepop. But eventually, I got tired of dealing with douchebag passengers eyeing up my ass up and down the aisle. So, I quit. A friend of mine recommended Huniepop, since I had the body for it, and since I’ve never been shy about my sexuality, I decided to give it a shot. It’s decent pay and good fun, but it’s not exactly a career.”

“So, what’s next?” Kaihautu asked.

“Pardon?” Lola asked in turn.

“You talk like a woman not satisfied with life.” Kaihautu pointed out. “And people like that are always thinkin’ about what to do next. So, what are you gonna do next?”

“…I want to start my own boutique.” Lola confessed. “I want to be a fashion designer.”

Kaihautu chuckled again. “The girl famous for taking off clothes now wants to make a career of keepin’ em on.”

“Yes, I’m aware of the irony.” Lola sighed. “The only thing holding me back is money. The bank cancelled my business loan during the pandemic and I’ve been trying to find enough money to get the project off the ground.”

Kaihautu shrugged. “I can give ya a loan.”

Lola giggled. “Very funny.”

“I’m serious.” Kaihautu insisted.

“…You are?” Lola asked, not quite believing what she was hearing. “Why?”

She shrugged. “Why not? I’m so bloody rich I got more money than I know what to do with. What’s the point of bein’ a millionaire if you can’t casually throw twenty grand at a stranger once a full moon?”

Lola blinked, still not believing what she was hearing. “…What’s the catch?”

“No catch.” Kaihautu said.

“Bullshit.” Lola called her out. “There’s ALWAYS a catch.”

Kaihautu simply grinned. Before she could say another word however, their food arrived. “Oh, that was quick! You was right, Lola. This place DOES have good service.”

“…You should try the Yorkshire pudding when you’re done with that pasty.” Lola said, choosing to let that silent grin go. For the moment.

*****

After brunch, the two women walked back out into the London streets, and chose to simply walk for a bit. The weather was perfect for it - while London was famous for its rainy weather, that just made the sunny days all the more beautiful. It was so sunny that Kuhautu put her shades back on.

“So, you still haven’t told me what the catch was.” Lola said as she and Kaihautu walked toward the nearby park.

“You don’t take me at my word?” Kaihautu asked.

“I’d be naive if I did.” Lola replied.

Kaihautu snorted and clapped Lola on the shoulder. “Smart girl. Well, to answer your question, there IS one thing ya could do for me.”

The New Zealand woman paused, looked around, then leaned into Lola’s ear. “I think your boss might’ve pulled one over on me.”

“How’s that?” Lola asked.

“Well, after I purchased the estate, I tried inspecting it.” Kaihautu said. “Yanno, make sure it was what Kyu said it was. But I suspect there were certain…items that Kyu might have illegally looted from the estate prior to purchase.” She turned to Lola and looked at her from behind those black sunglasses. “You wouldn’t know anything about that, would ya?”

“…Can’t say I do.” Lola replied. She suddenly got a sneaking suspicion about her new friend. “Say, can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.” Kaihautu said.

“At that auction, you made a BIG bid and just shut down the whole thing.” Lola said. “Why?”

“Because I wanted the estate and didn’t feel like wasting time playing the bidding game with a bunch of stuffed shirts.” Kaihautu explained. “When I want something, I go get it.”

“I see.” Lola replied. “So what did you want the estate for?”

Kaihautu shrugged. “Lookin’ to build a new office in the UK. Plant a foothold in the European Market. Sugardust’s land was the best available.”

“Hrm.” Lola hummed. That was a lie. An office? So far away from Central London? Lola didn’t buy that for a minute. It confirmed what she had already suspected - she was a mark. Marked by a millionaire no less. And Lola had a pretty good idea as to why.

She’s after the lapis. Lola thought to herself.

That’s when Kaihautu’s phone started ringing. She looked down at it and scowled. “Piss. Sorry, I gotta go take this.”

“You’re fine.” Lola said. “In fact, I should head back to the hotel. Check on my hungover friend.”

“You do that.” Kaihautu said.with a nod. “And think about what I said!” On that note, Lola turned and walked back toward the hotel. She walked as casually as she could, not wanting to tip Kaihautu off that Lola knew.

*****

She knows. Kaihautu thought to herself as she watched Lola walking away. She held the phone up to her. “Yeah?”

“We’ve found her room.” the voice on the other end said. “Orders?”

“Commence Plan B.” Kaihautu commanded. “And be quick about it.”

*****

Kyu groaned as she finally found the will to stand up. She limped over to the bathroom and filled the sink with cold water. Once it was full, she dunked her face in it and came back up for air, slapping her cheeks as she did so.

“Fuck…” she groaned. It had been nearly a century since the last time she got that plastered on British craft beer. She forgot how strong it could be. She looked into the mirror to inspect her reflection.

Only to see the large tattooed man standing behind her. “What the-“

That was all she got out as a rag full of chloroform muffled her mouth and exiled her back into unconsciousness.

*****

“Hey Kyu.” Lola said as she entered the room. She looked at the fas, still buried under blankets. Lola rolled her eyes. “Kyu, get up. We need to talk.” she said as she approached the bed. “It’s about that woman who-“

She grabbed the fae’s shoulder….only it wasn’t the fae’s shoulder. She threw off the blankets and noticed that underneath the blankets was nothing but pillows.

“…Kyu?” Lola called out. “Kyu? Where are you?”

Chapter Text

Iron bars. Kyu glared at the cold, shiny iron bars that kept her inside her cell. This was a particularly cruel way to contain a fairy, but then again, Cashious Villionaire had demonstrated that he was a particularly cruel man.

After a lengthy trial, Madame Kyu Sugardust the Fifth was found guilty of battery and assault. However, since it was her business on trial more than herself, she WAS going to get off with merely a fine. But then Angel Fullbody, her mysterious benefactor, betrayed her at the last moment - stealing her business! With no business left to fine, this left Judge Strong little choice but to give Kyu an ACTUAL prison sentence.

However, due to intense crowding, the madame was sent to no commoner jail. No, she was sentenced to none other than Cashious Villionaire’s personal ‘correctional facilities for criminals.’ As it so happened, Cashious Villionaire was, outside of his personal vendetta against Kyu, a gentleman of very good standing, known for his many charitable contributions to society. One of them was using one of his MANY estates to rehabilitate criminals into becoming productive members of society.

Unfortunately for Kyu, Cashious had a very unique method of rehabilitation. Though she would call it torture.

“…And that little puppy returned to his friends in the junkyard and told them all about his adventures through the justice system and what he had learned.” Cashious said, reading from a children’s book he himself had written. “And do you know what they said to him?”

“No. Because you keep reading me the same story and NEVER FINISH IT!” Kyu shouted in defiance. Nothing tested her sanity more than needless cliffhangers - a weakness that Cashious was quick to take advantage of.

“Well, I think that’s enough for tonight.” Cashious said as he closed the book.

“HOW DOES IT END?!” Kyu demanded.

“I know how it ends!” said a young girl with blonde locks and a pretty pink dress. Cassandra Villionaire couldn’t have been more than twelve-years-old. Once an orphan girl on the streets, she was adopted by Cashious at a young age and had since been raised to be a proper young lady. She turned to Kyu and smiled. “Would you like to know?”

“YES!” Kyu insisted.

“Don’t tell her, sweetie.” Cashious said. “There’s a reason I haven’t told our guest the ending yet.” He turned to the fairy with a sneer. “It’s because she doesn’t deserve the ending to this story. When I see some real progress, maybe I’ll consider letting you share it with her. A fae’s corruption runs deep in her blood.”

Cassandra turned to Kyu and tilted her head curiously. “She doesn’t look that bad.” she noted. “If it weren’t for the wings and the pink hair, she’d look like a regular girl.” The girl paused. “Why is your hair pink anyway?”

“Cassandra, we’ve talked about this.” Cashious said. “Don’t talk to the fairy. Despite their beauty, they are deceitful creatures.” He reached into his chest pocket and checked his pocket watch. “Good heavens! It seems we’ve lost track of the time. It’s five minutes past bed time young lady.”

“But I’m not even tired!” Cassandra protested. But then, she yawned. “…Not that tired.” she amended.

“Cassandra…” Cashious tsked.

“Oh, very well father.” Cassandra replied.

“Go change into your pajamas.” Cashious said. “I’ll be along shortly.” On that note, the twelve-year-old girl walked away, down the cell block with all the dignity of a proper young lady.

Cashious turned back toward Kyu, eyeing her like he would an animal in a zoo. “For what it’s worth, I don’t blame you. Rather, I pity you. As a fae, deception and cruelty are all you know. I’m not surprised you have no moral compass.”

“Oh, and you do?” Kyu asked.

“Of course I do.” Cashious replied. “In addition to rescuing my foster daughter from the streets of London and running this correctional facility, I’ve made MANY generous donations to NUMEROUS charities. Unlike you, Madame Sugardust, I do not see wealth as something to hoarded.”

“And yet, you kidnapped an innocent horse to blackmail its rider into turning against me!” Kyu accused. That was how Cashious got Antoine Hardmeat to turn against Kyu - he horse-napped Custard.

Cashious grunted. “A dirty tactic, yes, but one that was carried out for a noble goal.”

“And what goal would that be? Revenge?” Kyu asked.

”Justice.” Cashious corrected. “You betrayed your loved one for power. My poor Great Great Grandpa Thaddeus…”

“I keep telling you - Thaddeus was the evil one! Not me!” Kyu asked. “The lapis corrupted him!”

She paused. Her eyes widened in realization. “Just like how the lapis is corrupting you!”

Cashious raised an eyebrow. “I beg your pardon?”

“THAT’S why you’re so bloody evil when it comes to me!” Kyu said. “Don’t you see? The Sanctus Lapis Fortunae is messin’ with your head! It’s a potent magic ya see, not meant to be wielded willy-nilly by any old human. There’s a REASON I kept it locked up beneath me estate, yanno.”

He paused. He stuck his hand into his pocket. She could see the faint blue glow coming from inside the pocket. “…You wanna keep me locked up in here? Fine. I probably do deserve it, after what I did to Thaddeus. But at the very least, quit carryin’ around that sodding lapis in your pocket like it’s a bloody watch! Lock it up inside a vault! A DEEP one! Somewhere where nobody can get at it!”

“…I shall not play party to your lies.” Cashious sneered. “A criminal would say anything to escape their fate. Indeed, I’ve seen no desire to change in your words or deeds. Therefore, I have judged it necessary to rebuild you from scratch. I truly do think that anyone can be redeemed.”

He held up his book. “I had hoped these simple children’s stories would be basic enough for you to understand. But alas…I may need to take more drastic measures.”

“…You gonna use the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae on me?” Kyu asked. “Just like Thaddeus tried to do?”

“…The thought had crossed my mind.” Cashious confessed. “Its fantastical powers are exceptional when it comes to controlling one’s mind…but its powers cannot be used to fix one’s heart.”

Villionaire smirked. “Besides, I climbed from the depths of insignificance all on my own, without the assistance of a mystical relic. I don’t need to start relying on it now.”

“…Then why keep it in your pocket?” Kyu asked.

“…I believe that’s enough for tonight.” Cashious said. “I will return in the morning.” And on that note, the vile villain made his leave.

He left her there. Just as she left his ancestor over a century prior. The irony was not lost on Kyu. She was alone. With nothing but the faint scratching of the rats in the walls and the voices in her head to keep her company.

Psst!

The voices seemed louder than usual tonight. She lied down on the dirty cot that passed for a bed and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to will herself to sleep.

Pst! Hey madame!

Wait…Kyu recognized that voice…it was…

The little puppy from Cashious’s book, here to tell her the end of his story!

OI! WAKE UP!

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

Kyu was rudely awakened by a bucket of cold water to her face, applied by some tattooed goon. She shook the water out of her hair and looked up at the goon in shades. “…You’re not the puppy!” Kyu accused, before she could fully recall what had happened.

“Thank you Kai, that’ll be all.” replied a cool voice in a New Zealand accent. The goon, Kai, walked away. Kyu looked around and she seemed to be in some kind of…yoga studio? Or maybe a small dojo? All she knew for sure is that the room lacked windows, which wasn’t a good sign after getting kidnapped. She tried to move and, yep, tied to a chair. Definitely kidnapped.

Standing in the middle of the dojo was a young woman, tattooed on one side of her face, doing what seemed to be calisthenics with…a spear?

Oh that’s a good sign. Kyu sarcastically thought to herself. And here I was, thinking I was in the clutches of a crazy person. Comforting to see my captor is at the height of rationality

“Sorry about the rude awakening.” Kyu’s captor apologized. “But I didn’t feel like waiting around for you to wake up. Patience ain’t exactly me strong suit.”

It was then that Kyu realized who her captor was. Though she was dressed in a t-shirt and yoga pants, the tattoos made it impossible to mistake her for anyone else. “I know you!” Kyu shouted. “You bought my estate yesterday!”

“Yep.” Kaihautu said as she stopped her stretches and turned to face Kyu, spear still in hand. “And I know who you are, too.”

“Uh, duh?” Kyu replied. “I kinda figured after you bought my estate.”

“No. I know who you really are…” Kaihautu said as she walked up to the pink-haired CEO. “My grandma would tell me stories about your kind, when I was a lil’ girl. About how you sometimes kidnapped children and left fakes in their place. How a human can never eat your food, else they become your prisoners. How cold iron is the best defense against you.”

“…Okay, you’re gonna need to slow down, I’m still really hungover.” Kyu said.

Kaihautu stalked around the tied-up Kyu like a predator. “Your kind goes by a lotta names, all around the world. The vikings called your kind elves. The Chinese called you mogwai. The maori, my own people, called you pakepakeha. And of course, the British simply called you…fairies.”

“…You think I’m a motherfucking fairy?” Kyu asked. “THAT’S why you fucking kidnapped me? When-“

Kaihautu cut Kyu off by placing the head of her spear on the back of Kyu’s hand, which had been tied to the arm of the chair. The spearhead was, as Kyu discovering the hard way, made of pure iron.

“AAAAA FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK MOTHERFUCKER FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!” Kyu cussed up a storm as the iron burned her flesh. Feeling like she had made her point, Kaihautu pulled back the spear after a few seconds of this, leaving behind a nasty second-degree burn wound. “THE FUCK?!” Kyu demanded, abandoning any pretense of appearing human.

“Like I said, patience ain’t exactly me strong suit.” Kaihautu said. “Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s cut right to the chase, shall we? Where is the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae?”

*****

“Thank you very much.” Lola said before hanging up. After searching the hotel high and low for Kyu, she dialed 999 to file a missing persons report. She was probably being paranoid. She certainly hoped she was being paranoid. But with a ruthless business mogul that may be after a magical gem in Kyu’s possession, Lola thought it better not to take the chance.

The American sighed with her head in her hands. Fairies. Magical gems. And now kidnappings? All she wanted was one lousy loan to start her own business, only to suddenly find herself in the middle of a lewd fantasy book. She looked up from her hands…

And noticed a blue light emanating from the key-hole in the nightstand’s drawer.

*****

“Couple of things.” Kyu replied. “First of all, the lapis is somewhere where your stooges are too dumb to find it. Secondly, I don’t think you realize who or what you’re fucking with here.”

“Alright then, clue me in.” Kaihautu replied. “Who or what am I fucking with, exactly?”

“Forces WAY bigger than your tiny, short-sighted human brain can handle.” Kyu replied.

“Insultin’ me doesn’t help your situation.” Kaihautu said.

“Kidnapping me doesn’t help yours!” Kyu replied. “I’m here on a mission from the Seelie Court itself. What do you think THEY’RE gonna do when they find out you fairy-napped me?”

Kaihautu laughed at that. “You’re such a dag, Sugardust. You think I’m scared of the pakepakeha? Yeah…nah. The Court might have been scary as all hell back in the middle ages, but thinks have changed quite a bit in the last few centuries. Iron, for instance.” She held up her spear, waving it in front of Kyu’s face for emphasis, making the fearful fairly lean away from it.

“Us humans have dug a LOT of iron out of the ground over the last millennium or so. It’s damn near everywhere nowadays. ESPECIALLY in our bullets.” Kaihautu said. “…Well, in my boys’ bullets, anyway. I had this one arms company I own to develop iron-alloy bullets. Told the New Zealand Prime Minister that iron bullets are better for the environment than lead. We’ll probably start mass producing them in a couple years.”

She grinned. “Ya can’t fool me, Kyu. My ancestors might’ve been scared of you once. But now? YOU’RE the ones who are scared. S’why you’re hidin’, innit? ‘The Veil’ it’s called?”

“…How the fuck do you even know all this?” Kyu asked.

“I was told a LOT of stories.” Kaihautu said. “And not just by me dear ol’ Grandma.”

“Well…I’ll….tell the press that you kidnapped me!” Kyu said. “I’ll press charges!”

“Right. Because if there’s one thing human society excels at, it’s holding the super-rich accountable for the bad things they do.” Kaihautu replied.

“…Shit.” Kyu cursed, realizing that her opponent was more or less untouchable.

“Gotta love capitalism, eh?” Kaihautu replied with a wry chuckle.

Kyu sighed. “Okay, look - you don’t even WANT the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae, alright?”

“Oh, I think I do.” Kaihautu replied.

“No you don’t!” Kyu argued. “The Sanctus Lapis Fortunae is power itself forged into a gem! It makes you stronger. Faster. It even makes you luckier! And on top of all that, it makes you so damn charismatic that you can practically control other people’s minds!”

“And that’s…bad?” Kaihautu asked.

“Like I said, it’s power itself in a gem.” Kyu said. “And if there’s one thing thing the last hundred plus years have taught me, it’s that you humans do some REALLY STUPID SHIT once you’re given a little power!”

*****

Lola was back down in the gym, wailing on a punching bag. And I mean REALLY wailing on it. Sweat ran down her forehead and cheeks, and dripped from her nose and chin as she delivered blow after blow. She felt amazing! Like there was nothing she couldn’t do. Like the was nothing she couldn’t get. All she had to do was decide that it was possible, and she’d do it!

“RAAAH!!!” she roared as she finally punched the bag so hard it snapped off the chain and flew into the wall. She smiled as she took off her gloves. She reached into her pocket and felt the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae still there, blessing her with its power.

Chapter Text

“Any luck?” Kai asked as Kaihautu walked out of the dojo, leaving a still-tied-up Kyu in there.

“Nada. She ain’t talkin’.” Kaihautu replied. “You find anything in her hotel room?”

“Well, we didn’t really search it.” Kai replied with a shrug. “We were after Kyu, remember? Didn’t really have time to-“

Kaihautu socked her henchman across the jaw. “YOU FUCKING MUPPET!!!” she cursed him out. “The lapis was probably in there! Go back in there and search it! NOW!”

As the goon scrambled away, the mogul took a moment to calm herself. “She’ll be right…” she said, taking a few deep breaths. “She’ll be right…”

Indeed she will. If the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae was half as powerful as the legends lead on, it wouldn’t be all THAT hard to find. It radiates an aura of raw, undiluted power. It takes the strong and makes them into juggernauts. It takes the quick and makes them into lightning bolts. And it takes the charismatic and turns them into emperors. Power like that isn’t easily hidden...

*****

Lola yawned. After knocking the first half-dozen punching bags off their chassises, she decided to give dead lifting a try, hoping for something that was actually challenging. But, pumping a three-hundred pound deadlift weight above her head got boring too after the first thirty times. She dropped it, denting the floor as she did so. Nothing left to do now, she supposed, but order a smoothie and call it a day.

“Er, excuse me? Ma’am?” asked one of the attendants. “You’re…gonna have to pay for that.”

Lola looked at him. Her normally grey eyes suddenly shimmered sapphire. “…I don’t have to pay for shit.” she told him.

“…You don’t have to pay for shit.” the man replied, almost hypnotized by Lola’s raw beauty and charisma. Lola smirked as she patted the man on the head and walked out of the gym. The attendant blinked and looked, confused, as Lola left the man to snap out of his magical delirium.

As Lola made her way back up to her hotel room, she felt good. Really good. Giddy even. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so…so powerful. So in control. Suddenly, there were no more obstacles. The whole world was her oyster. If she wanted something, all she had to do was decide that it was hers, and it would be. She giggled as her mind was overwhelmed by all the possibilities, while she reached into her pocket to thumb the lapis. Why the hell did Kyu keep this thing locked up underground for so long? With this in her hand, Huniepop would’ve become so much more than a pitiful little cam girl operation. She could’ve forged it into a corporate empire.

Well, Lola wasn’t going to make THAT mistake. First of all, she had to usurp Kyu. That wouldn’t be difficult - I mean, it was Kyu! It’s honestly not that hard to trick her. Secondly, expand the business. Buy out the competition. And when they get big enough, start hiring lobbyists to stuff politicians’ pockets with money, paying them to rewrite laws in LOLA’S favor. Shit, why stop there? She could run for PRESIDENT! THAT would net her some long-term profits! It would be easy - all she’d have to do is get a few billion dollars together, grind the competition into dust beneath her heels, and legions of people would lap up her every word! Golden statues would be erected at her rallies! People would be praising God for delivering them Lola Fucking Rembrite! And if anyone in the government tried to stop her, her followers would storm the-

Oh God I’m turning into Donald Trump.

“Gah!” Lola shouted as she pulled the lapis out of her pocket and all but threw it onto the floor of the elevator. “Holy shit…” she panted as a cold sweat formed on her brow, staring at the gem in horror. That was….that was terrifying. One minute, she was thinking about expanding Huniepop’s business. The next, she was picturing herself cosplaying as Joseph Stalin. She supposed THAT’S why Kyu kept the thing locked up twenty feet underground for over a hundred years.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. And that’s when Lola spotted several tattooed men in tuxedos standing outside her hotel room. One of them spotted her. “Oi! You!” he shouted as he jogged over to the elevator. Panicking Lola started rapidly pressing the close button, but she knew the elevator doors weren’t going too close in time.

She reached down, picked up the lapis, felt the power flow through her again, and then punch the man in the chest as he tried to grab her. The blow was strong enough to send him flying down the hall, knocking over his buddies as the elevator doors closed. Before the megalomania set back in, she gripped the lapis in a fist as she pulled off her white glove, turning it inside-out and balling it up, making it into a makeshift gem bag before stuffing it back into her pocket.

This was not good. Kyu was missing, and now hulking people in business suits were searching her hotel room. It didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to see what was going on here - Kaihautu Iraia was searching for the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae, probably kidnapped Kyu in the process of doing so, and now, she’d be coming after Lola next.

So now what do I do?

She had to go to the police. She was WAY out of her depth and needed help. The elevator dinged as it reached the ground floor, and Lola approached the first person she saw. “Excuse me. Where’s the nearest police station?”

“About twenty blocks east.” the person replied.

Shit. Lola thought to herself. Okay, plan B. She hurried up to the hotel desk. If she couldn’t go to the police, she’ll just bring the police to them. “Excuse me, there are suspicious-looking people on the fifth floor, searching one of the rooms.”

“Oh don’t worry, ma’am. They’re private security. They’re working for a billionaire staying here.” the clerk replied. “They’re searching for a jewel that was stolen earlier. They asked me to report it to the police.” She gestured outside the hotel lobby, and Lola saw one of Kaihautu’s stooges casually chatting with the London PD.

Double shit. Lola thought to herself. The police would be no help to Lola. Quite the opposite in fact, what with Kaihautu’s alleged stolen property stuffed into her back pocket. It would be her word against the word of one of the richest people in the eastern hemisphere.

“Thank you.” Lola curtly replied to the clerk as she walked away from the main entrance and headed toward the back. She didn’t really know what to do now, but one thing was for certain - she couldn’t stay here. First and foremost, she had to put as much distance between herself and the hotel as possible. She navigated the corridors and walked toward the back entrance. She read a sign, written in red letters on a white background, that read This exit is for emergency use only. Using it will trigger the alarm. Please do not use it unless it’s an emergency.

Lola was in possession of a magical gem and was being hunted by an evil billionaire’s personal army of henchmen. In her mind, that qualified as an emergency. She pushed the door open, cursing as the alarm assaulted her ears, and bolted down the nearest alleyway. The alley opened up into a parking lot behind a pair of buildings and seemed to be a dead end. That is, up until she noticed a wooden fence. Beyond it, she could see gardens and more wooden fences.

Alright. I can do this. Lola thought to herself as she rolled her shoulders and bounced the balls of her feet. I’ve taken shortcuts before. Indeed, she took shortcuts through gardens all the time back in High School. She ran at the fence and tried to vault over it.

Only for the fence to give way beneath her.

Let’s try that again.

She tried to vault over the next one. It too collapsed beneath her weight.

Third time’s the charm.

Third time was not the charm. So far, she had destroyed three fences.

Have I really gained that much weight since High School? I mean, okay, I’m not really on a strict diet or anything, but I HAVE to be doing enough physical activity to balance that out.

After cursing the obviously-shoddily-made fences (and maybe deciding to go a little easier on the cupcakes in the future), Lola just kicked down a fence door leading into someone’s front yard and strutted out onto the front driveway. Remembering that she was still dressed in her exercise attire, she decided the best way to blend in was to just start jogging. Yep. Just a jogger. Totally not on the run from anybody. Don’t mind her, just another jogger. Jogging in the direction AWAY from the hotel because why not, it’s as good a direction as any for your typical afternoon jogger.

She looked back over her shoulder and noticed more of Kaihautu’s people coming out the yard the yard she just came out of. All those collapsed fences must’ve made her easy to track. Thinking quick, she dived for cover behind somebody’s car and held her breath, praying to God they don’t find her. As she heard one of them running over, she quickly crawled over to the front side of the car, where she hid from the goon running up the road in search of her.

She stayed there for what felt like hours to her adrenaline-tinged perception, waiting for the moment the goons would walk over and discover her behind the car. But the moment never came. Eventually she realized that she can no longer hear them walking around. She risked a peak back out onto the street and noticed they were gone. She breathed a sigh of relief and slumped against the car, allowing herself to relax for a moment.

She thought about what to do next, and at first, there was no clear answer. At the moment, she was technically a fugitive from the law, so the police wouldn’t help her. So who would? Luckily, it didn’t take long to arrive at an answer.

She stood up, walked over to the front door to the nearest house, and knocked on it. An older woman opened it and looked at Lola curiously. “Hello? Something I can help you with?”

“Yes, actually.” Lola replied. “Could I trouble you to use your phone for a moment? Won’t take more than a few minutes.”

“I suppose.” the woman said as she opened the door wider. “Come on in. I just put some tea on.”

“Oh, bless your heart.” Lola said. “I could actually use some tea after the day I’ve had…”

*****

One phone call and a spot of tea later, courtesy of one Ms. Courtney (lovely woman), Lola’s ride finally arrived - an H1 Hummer that was flying two flags - the United States Flag, and the United States Air Force flag. And stepping out of the passenger seat was none other than Colonel Jeremiah Rembrite.

“Daddy!” Lola said as she gave her father a big, desperate hug.

“Lola!” Colonel Rembrite replied. “What happened to you, girl?” he asked, noting her sweaty, dirty clothes.

“Long story.” Lola sighed. “I’ll tell you on the way back to base.”

*****

She told her father everything. The Sanctus Lapis Fortunae. The fact that she suspected her boss had been kidnapped. Getting chased by Kaihautu’s goons. Everything.

…Well, not everything. She decided to omit the fact that her boss was a centuries-old fae. And also that the lapis was magic and turns you into a comic book super villain if you hold onto it for too long. Her story was fantastical enough, it didn’t really need the parts that were literally magic.

“Hell of a story, girl.” the Colonel remarked as they pulled into base. “If you weren’t the one telling it, I wouldn’t believe it.”

“But you DO believe me, right?” Lola said.

“Course I do.” the colonel said. “I’ll call up the US embassy and see if we can sort all this out without anyone getting hurt. This whole thing could just be one big misunderstanding.”

“For Kyu’s sake, I hope that’s the case.” Lola replied.

“We’ll find out soon enough.” he said as he and his daughter climbed out of the hummer. He turned to a pair of MP’s. “I want my daughter guarded at all times.”

“Yes sir!” the MP’s shouted as they saluted. The colonel turned to Lola.

“Go grab a bunk, and stay there until I can figure out what’s going on.” he instructed.

“Yes sir.” Lola replied with a salute of her own. She and her father shared a smile as they parted ways.

*****

Kyu continued watching in silence, still tied to that chair, as Kaihautu practiced with her spear. “Strictly speakin’, the taiaha ain’t actually a spear. It’s more of a quarter staff.” Kaihautu corrected. “But given who I’m dealin’ with, I figured it would be appropriate to modify this one a bit. Tie a spearhead to it made of pure, cold iron.”

She mimed swinging the spear/staff around. “This here’s a weapon of authority, used by chiefs of whole tribes. I didn’t start training with the taiaha until Iraia Industries made its first million. Only then did I feel like I had earned the right to hold it.”

“This is all fascinating and everything.” Kyu replied. “But is there a reason you’re giving me this impromptu cultural lesson?”

She paused. “…Lemme tell you a lil’ story.”

“Okay, here we go.” Kyu sighed.

“Once upon a time, there was you.” Kaihautu began. “And there was him - one Cashious Villionaire.”

Kyu blinked. Cashious? How did she know about him?

“The two of you competed over ownership of the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae.” Kaihautu said as she mimed a downward swing with her taiaha. “It eventually ended up with you on trial for aggravated assault, convicted, and imprisoned in Cashious’s private prison.”

She turned to the fairy and smirked. “Course…you eventually escaped, eh?”

*********************
London, England
1899
*********************

The entirety of Kyu’s executive staff had successfully broken her out of her cell - even Angel Fullbody was there to break her out. Turns out, stealing Kyu’s business was Angel’s way of trying to get Kyu inside, where she’d stand a better chance of taking back the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae. Now that Kyu was free and had all the friends she had made over the last year by her side, she was ready to end this feud with the Villionaire line, once and for all.

The group spent several hours ascending floor after floor, overcoming a wide variety of challenges - each one perfectly suited to each of her executives’ talents for maximum narrative effect. Until at last, they reached the ground floor. Unfortunately, they had pushed Kyu up only to get attacked by a platoon of Villionaire’s armed guards. They stayed behind to hold them off, and thus, Kyu had no choice but to face Cashious alone.

She heard his evil laughter echoing all throughout the manor. “Where are you, Cashious?!” she shouted as she navigated through the winding corridors of the Villionaire Manor. More maniacal laughter was all the reply she received. She eyed up the nearby wall, which was lined with all sorts of medieval weaponry. She winced - she knew she couldn’t very well take on Cashious without some means of defending herself, but all these weapons were made of iron, and would burn her hands if she tried to hold them. That’s when she noticed a wooden quarterstaff - hardly the most intimidating weapon of the lot, but it would do.

As she grabbed the staff, she heard yet more laughter. Believing she could place where it was coming from, she pressed forward, kicking down a large set of double doors. It was a truly cavernous dining hall, with a dining table that was over thirty feet long. Sitting at its head, of course, was Cashious Villionaire himself. “So you finally got out. What took you so long?” he taunted.

“This needs to end, Cashious.” Kyu said as she kept her staff pointed at him.

“OH? No, I don’t think anything has to happen.” Cashious said as he rose from his chair. “Now that you’ve got me right where you want me, what will you do?”

“Figured I’d start by taking back the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae and going from there.” Kyu replied as she closed the distance. “Hand it over, and maybe I’ll let you off with a light spanking and call it a night.”

Cashious chuckled as he pulled an all-too-familiar magic gem from his pocket. Kyu’s eyes locked onto it as he held it out in front of her. “Stop.” he ordered. Kyu obeyed. He chuckled some more as he walked up to the fae, still as a statue. “Once again, you have failed to realize that I am, as always, in full control.”

He circled around the frozen fae like a predator about to move in for the kill. “Not only was I fully aware that your accomplices were coming for you, but it was my plan to get them here all along. They’re all right where I want them; trapped within my lair. I’ve already sealed the only exist as well as the tunnel they dug to get in.”

His face twisted from smug to disgusted. “You are all foul people. I gave them their chance to walk away from you, to get a fresh start, but it seems you’ve corrupted them too. I will be expanding my ‘correctional operation.’ Starting with you…”

He pulled out a chair and positioned it behind Kyu. He then stood in front of the fairy and held the lapis between his fingers, squeezing it. Its raw power flowed through him, making his grey eyes shimmer sapphire. “You’re going to sit here and think about what you’ve done.”

“…Oh give me that!” Kyu said as she suddenly snatched the lapis out of Cashious’s hands.

Cashious blinked, shocked. “What? How did you-“

Kyu smacked him on the forehead with the staff. “Ow! No! How could this happen?! What have you done?!”

Another smack to the head. “Ow!”

“I’m a fairy, remember?” Kyu asked. “And the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae was forged by fairy magic. So trying to use it on me is a bit like tryin’ to use water to dilute water.” She stuck the blue gem into her pocket where it would be safe.

“Very well.” Cashious replied. “I’ve never needed that gem to best you in the first place.” He then took the traditional fisticuffs stance and prepared for a fight.

Kyu merely rolled her eyes before smacking him on the forehead with the staff yet again. “Ow! Will you stop doing that?!” he demanded.

“As you wish.” Kyu said as she swept the legs out from under him, knocking him to the floor. He then then jabbed three times - once in the gut, once in the crotch, and one more in the solar plexus where she kept him pinned there. She looked down on the human, who stared right back at her, defiant.

“…I remember the night I met him, you know. Thaddeus.” Kyu said. “March 1st, 1777. It was a tavern in Tortuga. I was on a mission from the Seelie Court to retrieve the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae, a fairy gem that had been hidden away in the Caribbean millennia ago. Agents of the Unseelie were looking for it, and my mistress, Venus, wanted me to find it first. Thaddeus had been a privateer for the crown for years, and knew the Caribbean sea like the back of his hand. As we sailed in search of it, I noticed he was…very handsome. And charming.”

Kyu paused. “…I was barely more than a hundred and forty years old at the time. I was young. Naive. I made the same mistake all too many young fairies made - I fell in love with a human. I even told him that I was a fairy, breaking one of the Court’s most fundamental laws. But I didn’t much care at the time. I loved him. I trusted him.”

Kyu took a deep breath to steady herself. “When we finally found the lapis several weeks later, that’s when everything started going wrong.” Kyu went on. Cashious was slowly becoming less defiant, his face softened. He was listening. “It seemed innocent enough at first. Thaddeus used the lapis to win a few games of Liar’s Dice with the crew. The lapis made him a VERY good liar. But he started worrying me as he became more obsessed with the gem. He proposed that we didn’t HAVE to turn it over to the Seelie Court. He said that we could instead use it for our own gain. He kept experimenting with the lapis’s powers on the crew, influencing their actions. Controlling their minds. Course, he couldn’t control them all at once, and they tried to throw Thaddeus and I overboard. They eventually trapped us in our cabin, but thanks to the power of the lapis, Thaddeus was able to keep them away from us.”

Kyu’s eyes began to water, as century-old wound was being forced open, in order to help Cashious understand. “Thaddeus and I spent the next few days fighting. He wanted to use the lapis to force the crew into submission. I kept telling him that he had to stop using it. It was corrupting him. No mere mortal was meant to wield it, and THAT was why we had to take it to the Seelie Court right away! He said that we could use the lapis to overthrow the Court and rule it together! I refused and…and…”

Her hand trembled as she let go of the quarter staff, letting it clang onto the floor. “…He tried to use it on me. Me. It didn’t work of course, but still, he tried. He tried to bend me to his will. The man I loved was…gone….”

She collapsed onto her knees next to Cashious, head in her hands, openly weeping now as Cashious sat upright. “I left him!” she wailed. “The crew and I left him on that God-forsaken spit of land! I had to keep him away from the lapis! I HAD to! It was….It was my DUTY!”

After allowing her emotions a few minutes to pour out, she wiped away her tears on her sleeve and tried to steady her breathing. “…So I buried it.” she said. “I returned to England and buried the lapis as deeply as I could, so no one would ever be corrupted by it again.”

She looked up, meeting Cashious’s gaze. The disgust in his eyes were gone. And in their place were eyes that…that reminded her far too much of lost love. “…You’ve every right to hate me, Cashious.” Kyu replied. “God knows I hate myself.”

“…I…I see.” Cashious quietly replied. “So it is I…my bloodline, who have been the villains this whole time.”

“No!” Kyu emphatically replied as she grabbed Cashious’s hand. “You were not the villain! Neither was Thaddeus! NO ONE was the villain except the fucks who forged that wretched blue gem in the first place!”

Cashious paused, then nodded. “I…I need time to think about…things.” he said as he slowly stood up, helping Kyu to her feet as well, perfect gentleman that he was. Just like Thaddeus used to be. “Everything. My entire life’s purpose.”

Kyu sniffed as she took out a handkerchief to wipe up the tears and, well, the snot. “Might I suggest philanthropy?” she said, desperately trying to put back on that wily smile for which she was so well known. “You seemed pretty good at that when you weren’t plotting revenge against me.”

“Madame!” Battle Butler said as he suddenly kicked down the door. Following him was the rest of her executive staff. “We defeated the armed guards and are ready to assist you!”

“No. No, that’s quite alright, Battle Butler.” Kyu said as she walked over to her trusted servant. She reached into her pocket, showed everyone the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae, and stuck it back in. “We have what we came for. We may leave now.” she turned to Cashious. “…Well. If Mr. Villionaire allows it, that is.”

“…You may leave, Madame Sugardust.” Cashious said. “I will pester you no more. And…I’m so sorry. For everything.” Cashious replied. He lowered his head in shame and choked back tears of his own.

“Oh come now. There’s no need for that. Least of all from you.” Kyu said gently said as she approached him. She took a napkin off the table and offered it to Cashious, who gratefully took it. “You’re a good man, Cashious Villionaire. You’re kind and dedicated to justice. You just…overindulged the latter trait a bit. That’s all.”

Cashious smiled and nodded his thanks. Kyu smiled back. She then turned on her heel and left. “Right then. Shall we be off?” Kyu asked of her executives.

“Er…what was that about?” Antoine Hardmeat asked.

“Indeed, shouldn’t we be crushing him beneath our boots?” Summer Stirling added.

“No no.” Kyu insisted. “There’s been quite enough violence for one day, I think. We have the lapis back, that’s all that matters. Let’s just…uh…”

Kyu trailed off as an eerie glow suddenly filled the room. “Oh, what now?” Kyu demanded, getting rather tired of all these plot twists. She and the others turned around to see Cashious encircled by an unnatural ring of purple light. “What the hell?!” she barked.

Cashious looked around frantically as ashy blackened arms reached out from the floor and clawed at him. “No! What’s happening?!”

“That’s a gateway to hell.” Vicki LeStrange observed rather nonchalantly. “He’s being dragged to hell, it would seem.”

“Cashious!” Kyu shouted as arms pulled down on Cashious as he started to sink unnaturally into the floor. “You didn’t sell your soul to demons in your quest for vengeance against me, did you?!”

Cashious gave Kyu a rather embarrassed look. “You sodding idiot!” she cursed him out. “Come on!” she shouted to her executives before they all ran up to the glowing ring to help him. But they were repelled by the immense heat emanating from the unholy light. “Cashious!” she shouted.

Cashious could only scream in reply until he finally disappeared into the floor. With that, the glow of the circle faded. Calm returned to the massive dining room, as though nothing had even happened. Kyu and her staff were shocked and dumbfounded into silence.

“…By the way, Madame.” Battle Butler spoke up. “I’ve been meaning to ask…are those fairy wings on your back?”

“…Yes. Yes they are.” Kyu replied. “Because I’m a fairy.”

“…Ah.” Battle Butler replied. Somehow, after encountering magical gems and witnessing a man dragged to hell by literal, actual demons, his employer being a fairy didn’t seem all that far fetched. The other executives present felt much the same way.

“…Excuse me.” said a quiet voice. All the executives turned and saw a little blonde girl, dressed in her night gown. “…Have any of you seen my father? He was supposed to come and read me a bedtime story nearly an hour ago.”

They all paused, unsure what to tell the now newly-orphaned little girl. Kyu sighed. “Come along…Cassandra, was it?” Cassandra Villionaire nodded. The fairy walked over and took the girl’s hand. “Come along. We should speak somewhere more private…”

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

“Short while after you gave her the bad news, you basically adopted her.” Kaihautu went on. “And once she was old enough a few years later, she inherited ownership of her father’s rubber company. Job well done, you fucked off back to the Land of Faerie for a couple of decades.”

“I know. I was there.” Kyu replied, none too happy about being reminded of being technically responsible for a little girl losing her father.

“…Did you ever follow up on her by the way?” Kaihautu asked. “Cassandra Villionaire?”

Kyu blinked. “Ah, somehow I thought not.” Kaihautu replied. “After all, you pakepakeha live on for yonks and yonks. Can’t really be bothered to track the bloodline of every last human ya meet, eh? Would you like me to tell ya THAT story?”

“…You know that story?” Kyu asked, already getting a feeling of where this was going.

”Intimately. Don’t worry though, I’ll keep it brief.” Kaihautu said as she went back to miming taiaha strikes. “Once she took control of her father’s company, Cassandra did a damn good job running it, you’ll be pleased to know. It flourished for over twenty years...and then the stock market crash of 1929 struck. Her company went bankrupt, and she was back in the poorhouse. Her husband had to get a job as a factory worker, along with her three sons. She and her daughter worked at home, knitting clothes for everyone.”

“About ten years later, World War II broke out. Cassandra, her husband and her eldest son died during the Blitz.” Kaihautu replied.

Kyu felt like a spike had driven into her heart. Kaihautu noticed the pained, shocked look on her face. “You legit didn’t know, did ya?” she asked. “Did you even visit Cassandra’s grave?”

“…No. I didn’t.” Kyu replied. Cassandra Villionaire was the closest thing Kyu ever had to a daughter. Not only that, but technically, she was Cashious’s daughter, which made her the child that she could’ve had with…Thaddeus. But she knew humans didn’t live very long, so in 1919 she just…stopped keeping track of her. Cassandra’s husband had returned home safely from World War 1, her company was thriving, and her belly was swollen with her first child. She felt that was the perfect place to end it. The perfect final memory of little Cassandra. She didn’t want that ruined by seeing her grow old and die. But now she was discovering that she didn’t even get that far, thanks to some fucking human war.

“She was survived by two sons and one daughter.” Kaihautu went on.

“Why are you telling me this?” Kyu impatiently asked.

“Hang on, I’m gettin’ to it.” Kaihautu replied. “Eager to avenge their parents, the three children promptly signed up to join the war effort. The eldest remaining son signed up for the RAF. He was deployed to the Pacific theater and was shot down somewhere over Singapore. They didn’t find the wreckage or the body until years later.”

“The youngest son signed up for the British Army. Fought in the 1st corps, 3rd infantry division. Died on Sword Beach during D-Day, but not in vain - he leapt on a grenade to save his squad. He was posthumously awarded the Victoria Cross after the war.”

“Finally, we have the daughter. The youngest child. Now, since women weren’t allowed in the armed forces at the time, she joined the nursing corps. She was deployed all over North Africa and Italy, caring for wounded soldiers from nearly every allied nation.”

Kaihautu smirked. “Now, little known fun fact. New Zealand fought in WWII as well. New Zealand 2nd Division was deployed to the European Theater, where they fought in the Greek, North African, and Italian campaigns. Among their ranks was the 28th Battalion, AKA, the Maori Battalion, in which my grandfather proudly served. He fought in the Battle of Monte Cassino, but not without taking some serious injuries.”

She smiled as she mimed swinging around on her heel, pointing her taiaha at Kyu. “And you’ll never guess which pretty young nurse treated his wounds.”

Motherfucker. Kyu thought to herself as the final dot was connected.

“By war’s end, Lillian Cromwell, mother’s maiden name Villionaire, was the sole survivor of the Villionaire line.” Kaihautu said. “She had not only won the Royal Red Cross, but also the heart of a young Maori warrior, who wanted to take her back with him to New Zealand and get married. Since she had no family left in England, she agreed.”

She stood up, twirling the taiaha around before thumping it onto the floor of the dojo. “Seventy-odd years later…here I am.”

“And let me guess.” Kyu sighed. “You’re doing all this to avenge your Great Great Grandfather, Cashious.”

Kaihautu’s face twisted into a scowl. “What? Fuck no. I just want the lapis.”

Kyu blinked. “Really?”

“I’m only one-quarter English. And in case you couldn’t tell…” Kaihautu tapped the heavily tattooed side of her face. “It ain’t exactly me favorite quarter. I assure you, as a proud maori, I couldn’t give less of a shit about some 19th century Englishman burning in hell. But I DID give a shit about all those stories Grandma Lilly would tell me - about the fairy named Kyu and the magical gem she guarded. Used to think they was all just stories but…well…let’s just say after a bit of investigating, I discovered there was a bit of truth to it all.”

“What kind of investigating?” Kyu asked.

“Ah, now THAT is a whole other story.” Kaihautu replied. “One that’ll have to be told another time, I’m afraid.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” Kyu quipped. “I mean, Cassandra may not have been Cashious’s daughter by blood, but you sure as shit inherited Cashious’s love of monologuing.”

Kaihautu was about to give a witty reply when her cell phone started ringing. “Ugh, hold that thought.” she grunted as she walked over to where her working clothes were on the bench. She fished her phone out of her pants pocket, checked who it was, and answered. “Yeah?…What kinda problem?…The US Embassy? What do they want?…What? Who?…I see. I’ll call you back.”

She turned off her phone.

Then roared as threw it on the ground and impaled it with her spear.

“…Well! Sounds like good news for me, huh?” Kyu asked with a sly smirk.

“…That was me lawyer. The US Embassy just called her. Apparently an American citizen has gone missing, namely you, and somebody fingered me as the prime suspect!” Kaihautu snarled. She marched over to Kyu and pointed her spear at Kyu’s throat. ”I wonder who might’ve told them I was a suspect.”

“Hey, don't look at me.” Kyu replied. “I’ve been tied up here all day, remember?”

That’s when Kaihautu’s eyes widened as realization struck. Lola.

“Well, well, well. Looks to me like someone is suddenly in quite the pickle!” Kyu said. “I mean, fuck, forget about the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae. You’ll be lucky to escape this without charges of kidnapping! No way THAT can be good for profits next quarter. Also, jail. Jail’s pretty bad too.”

Kaihautu stared hatefully at the fairy. She then pulled her spear away from Kyu’s throat and took a more relaxed stance. “What do ya want?”

“Easy. Let me go, and I won’t press charges. I’ll just tell everyone that we were having a little business meeting and, silly me, I forgot my phone so no one could contact me!” Kyu replied.

“And the lapis?” Kaihautu replied.

“As your people would say - Yeah, nah. The lapis stays with me.” Kyu replied.

“…This isn’t over.” Kaihautu replied. “You may have won this battle, but one way or another, I WILL get the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae.”

“Yeah, yeah, ‘you haven’t seen the last of me,’ ‘I’ll get you next time Gadget,’ that whole routine.” Kyu said. “Now would you mind untying me? I SERIOUSLY need to pee.”

Chapter Text

A couple of hours later, the office of Kaihautu Iraia delivered an official response to the United States Embassy; Kyu Sugardust and Kaihautu Iraia had been in a professional business meeting which later became a more recreational meeting. On Sugardust’s request, Iraia sent some of her ‘help’ to search her room for a lost item. When Lola happened upon the scene, she misinterpreted the intentions of Ms. Iraia’s rather intimidating looking ‘help.’ Kyu Sugardust corroborated the story soon afterwards, and the two would meet up with Lola in RAF Tulford.

“Why do I get the feeling that we’re not getting the whole story…” Lola grumbled as she watched Kaihautu’s limo drive onto the base while the sun began to set.

“For what it’s worth, you’re not the only one callin’ bullshit on Iraia’s story.” Lola’s father replied. “But the important thing is no one got hurt.”

“Not this time, anyway…” Lola said. Kyu and Kaihautu climbed out of the limo, the former seemingly no worse for wear. “You alright, Kyu?” Lola asked as her boss approached.

“I’m fine!” Kyu replied, chipper as ever. “Sorry about worrying you Lola. It’s just, yanno, billionaire and a pornographer in the same room? Somebody is gonna ‘lose track of time’ to put it mildly.”

“I’ll assume all responsibility for this lil’ misunderstandin’.” Kaihautu said, business-like as ever.

“Thank you, Ms. Iraia.” Colonel Rembrite said. “As you know, the United States of America takes the safety of its citizens very seriously. So we’d appreciate it if incidents like these don’t happen again.” Lola smiled. Her father was a master of hiding threats inside diplomatic overtures. The slight sneer on Kaihautu’s face revealed that she received the colonel’s true message loud and clear.

“Well then, if that’ll be all, I’ll be off.” Kaihautu said as she climbed back into her limo, which drove off-base. The colonel turned to Kyu and offered her a handshake.

“Kyu Sugardust? Jeremiah Rembrite, United States Air Force. Pleasure to make your acquaintance ma’am.” he introduced himself.

“Likewise…” Kyu said as she shook his hand and, of course, looked him up and down like he the sexy piece of uniformed military-grade meat he was. Lola shot her boss a ‘for God’s sakes that’s my father’ glare.

“In the interest of security, I think it would be best if you spent the remainder of your stay in the UK in RAF Tulford.” the colonel said. “It’s no five-star hotel, but we can find an extra fluffy bed for you.”

“Thanks, Colonel.” Kyu said with a crisp salute. She turned to Lola. “Come on, Lola. We’ve got some things to discuss in private.”

*****

In the barracks, Kyu regaled Lola with her harrowing tale of how she was kidnapped by a crazy billionaire with a spear. “So after her lawyer called her and told her about how the US Embassy was looking into my disappearance, she pretty much knew the jig was up. Which gave me enough leverage to make a deal with her. She lets me go, and I forget today’s little ‘incident’ ever happened.”

“Why not press charges?” Lola asked.

“Because truth be told, I didn’t want a lengthy trial anymore than she did. Especially if there was a chance the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae would be submitted as evidence for every human in the world to see. The whole point of this little misadventure was to get the lapis out of Britain, without anyone noticing, and stash it somewhere safer. If doing that means letting Kaihautu go, so be it.” Kyu explained.

Lola sighed. “I suppose I understand. Still, I get the feeling we haven’t seen the last of her.”

“Yeah, yeah, she told me as much. ‘I’ll get you next time’ and all that.” Kyu replied with a dismissive wave. “But whatever. Next step is to get the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae. It’s back in my hotel room so we’re gonna have to-“

“Actually.” Lola said as she stood up and reached into her pocket. “I’ve got it right here.”

“WHAT?!” Kyu demanded.

“Yup.” Lola replied. “I found-“

“GIMME THAT!!!” Kyu shouted as she snatched the glove and ripped it up to get at the lapis. She held the gem in her hand for a moment before turning to Lola. “Did you use it?!”

“Er…” Lola wasn’t quite sure what to make of Kyu’s sudden, panicked state.

“DID YOU USE IT?!” she demanded again, louder.

“Only a little!” Lola replied. “But once I started feeling…er…megalomaniacal I bagged it up! I didn’t use it since! Honest!”

Kyu glared at Lola. Well, to be entirely honest, Lola DID briefly use the gem to punch a goon down a hallway, but Kyu didn’t REALLY need to know that part, did she? The fairy pointed at the lapis. “NEVER use this again. Understand? NEVER. OR ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY LIKE IT!!! GOT IT?!”

“Got it! Got it!” Lola replied.

Kyu was panting hard, a cold sweat forming on her brow. She nodded, to herself as much as Lola, and allowed herself to relax as she stuck the lapis into her pocket where it would be safe. “You…you okay?” Lola asked.

“No, I’m not!” Kyu replied. “Because a bunch of fucking humans came THIS close to getting their mitts on this stupid fucking rock again! I’ve been guarding this thing for over two hundred years and it’s never brought me anything but trouble!”

Lola blinked, unable to ignore two particular words in that little mini-rant. “‘Fucking humans?’ I’m sorry, I thought you liked humans.”

“I used to!” Kyu said. “I used to think that eventually you’d learn from your mistakes! But your kind just keeps fucking up over and over again! Either you’re making the same mistakes you’ve been making for centuries, or you invent fucking NEW mistakes! I mean…fuck!”

Kyu stomped over to a window and pulled back the curtains. “Just take a look outside!” she shouted. Lola obliged. Outside was the rest of the RAF base, where a row of jets were awaiting refuels, repairs, or both.

“What are you talking about, Kyu?” Lola asked. “It’s a bunch of jets.”

“Yeah! Jets!” Kyu ranted. “Armed with machine guns and missiles. They’re machines of WAR, Lola! When the Wright Brothers took to the air, I thought ‘this is it! Once humans get a taste of flying free through the air, and love it the way we fairies do, they’ll become more peaceful!’ But instead, you turned the gift of flight into just another way to kill each other!”

She violently closed the curtains. “And here’s the punchline - that’s just the shit you made out of the cold iron you dug out of the ground. I don’t even wanna THINK about the horrors your kind would come up with if you ever got your hands on real power…” she said as she put a hand on the pocket where she kept the lapis.

“…Well.” Lola said. “This explains a few things.”

“Like what?” Kyu asked, defensively.

“Well for starters, this attitude kind of explains why you run Huniepop the way you do.” Lola said as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I take it playing the role of ‘greedy tyrant’ is your idea of blending in with the rest of humanity?”

“Yeah well, it works doesn’t it?” Kyu bitterly asked. “And after centuries among your kind, it came so naturally to me. I guess Venus was right - I have been hanging out with humans too long.”

“Next, it also explains why you seemed to regard the executive staff of Sugardust Enterprises as friends, but you see me and the other Hunies as employees.” Lola went on. “I mean for God’s sakes - you dated one of them, and helped two others get together. You didn’t help Nikki or Sarah get together. And you certainly never helped me when I was having relationship problems with Tommy. Madame Sugardust would’ve given me some good advice, I’ll bet.”

Kyu was silent. Indignant, but unable to come up with a response. “For what it’s worth, I don’t blame you for being disappointed with us.” Lola went on. “The events of the 20th century would make anyone question their faith in the human race.”

“Don’t forget the 21st.” Kyu grumbled.

“Oh, believe me, I haven’t.” Lola replied. “I’m a millennial, Kyu. So I’m well-acquainted with the notion of being optimistic about the future, only to have that optimism crushed by events born from hatred, ignorance, and greed.”

“So what the fuck keeps you going, huh?” Kyu asked.

“Well, I can’t speak for all humanity, mind you.” Lola said. “But me? Personally? I never really thought of all the bad things in the world as being insurmountable barriers. Barriers, sure, but ones that can be torn down. After all, we’ve torn down similar barriers before. And while it certainly won’t be easy, sitting around lamenting our plight isn’t going to make it any easier. The world can be a wonderful place. The catch is, you have to get off your ass and make it wonderful. Bob Marley said it best - ‘the people who are trying to make the world worse aren’t taking a day off. So how can I?’”

Kyu gave Lola a neutral, unimpressed stare. “That’s it? A mix of dopey optimism and bullheaded stubbornness?”

“Hey, it’s what got me this far.” Lola replied with a smile.

Kyu only huffed in reply. She then climbed into her bed. “I’m tired. I had a fuck of a day, so I’m turning in early. Try not to make too much noise.”

Lola sighed and lied down on her own bed on the other side of the barracks. Not quite tired yet, she pulled out her phone and tried to find ways to keep herself busy. She checked her personal investments (because of course she did a little day trading on the side) and checked the latest financial news. That eventually took her to the news in general.

The usual headlines of political dysfunction and culture war feuds spread out across her screen. She sighed. She meant it when she said that she didn’t blame Kyu for losing faith in the human race. Lola was an optimist, but there were days where even she found it hard to keep the faith. After all, she was not only a millennial, but a black woman on top of that. So she was all too familiar with the more, shall we say, regrettable traits of humanity.

Still, it’s not like any of this was particularly new. Kyu should know, being as old as she was. She must’ve seen so much. The Salem witch trials. Both world wars. She may have even witnessed Lola’s own ancestors arriving on America’s shores, hundreds of years ago, wearing only rags and chains. The 21st century was far from ideal, but for all its ups and downs, it was largely better than what had come before. A lot of progress had been made. One would think that if anyone could appreciate that, it would be a centuries-old fae, blessed with a long view of history.

And yet, Kyu seemed to have the opposite reaction. The more time went by, the more jaded with humanity she became. So much so that she was openly pining for Victorian England which, let’s be honest, wasn’t the best time and place to live for certain people. If you were literally anything besides a rich white man, late 19th century London kind of sucked. Why on Earth would Kyu miss it so much?

…Because it wasn’t the time or place that Kyu missed. It was the people in it. All those stories Kyu told or tried to tell…they were all about her executives. Her friends.

…On a lark, Lola decided to google some names.

*****

Kyu’s slumber was interrupted by the smell of hot food. She opened her eyes and noticed a full English breakfast and a cup of tea on the nightstand next to her. She looked around and noticed Lola on the other side of the barracks, eating her own English breakfast. She looked over at Kyu and smiled. “Well well, look who’s up. I’m surprised you weren’t roused by morning reverie.”

“And you were?” Kyu said as she slowly got out of bed.

“You know it.” Lola replied. “Air force brat, remember? Dad would always get me and my brother out of bed every morning at six. I became a morning person because I would’ve gone crazy otherwise.” she giggled at her own little joke. “It’s also where I got my love of breakfast food. Mom made the BEST waffles.”

“Bet she did.” Kyu said as she quickly downed her tea before eating her breakfast.

“…So…got any more stories for me?” Lola asked. “You know, about Sugardust Enterprises?”

“None you would care about.” Kyu bitterly replied. “I beat the bad guy, got the lapis back, then I fucked off and lived happily ever after.”

“Actually, there IS one story I care about.” Lola said.

“Yeah?” Kyu asked. “And which one would that be?”

“The story behind that one painting.” Lola said. “The one with you and all the executives.”

Kyu paused in her breakfast. She was silent for a moment. Then, she sighed. “That one’s…complicated.”

“Why’s that?” Lola asked.

“…It was my last night as CEO of Sugardust Enterprises.” Kyu replied.

*********************
London, England
1899
*********************

Over six months after Cashious Villionaire’s defeat, Sugardust Enterprises was back on top. The summer of 1899 was one of celebration, and the autumn of 1899 was one of great anticipation. Especially on Penny Farthing’s part. Why? Because a new year was coming.

A new year….and a new century.

“The dawn of the 20th century.” Penny said. “Incredible, isn’t it? That we’re all alive to witness such a defining moment in human history. Who knows what wonders lie before us? I for one can’t wait!”

“Nor can I.” Vlad Nebblesome agreed. “By the way Ms. Farthing, have you been reading up on Nikolai Tesla’s work in wireless electric power?”

“Indeed! It’s revolutionary!” Penny replied. “Mark my words, Tesla’s name is one that will go down in history, leaving that hack Edison behind in the dust!”

“And…done!” declared the painter Kyu had commissioned to paint the portrait. The executive staff, who had all been standing in the same room, all excitedly broke from where they had been standing for the last six hours to see the artist’s finished work. They all applauded the portrait.

“Well done!”

“Capital!”

“Bully!”

“A pleasure doing business with you, sir.” Kyu said as she shook the artist’s hand. “Your check is in the mail.”

Satisfied, the artist began packing up his supplies as the executives admired their portrait. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m positively famished.” Gunn Moses said.

“Same here!” Pip Whipple agreed.

“I believe we all are!” Kyu declared. “Battle Butler! Bring everyone some yorkshire pudding, will you?”

“On it!” Battle Butler replied as he bolted into the kitchen.

“At last! We’re done!” Penny said as she looked at the clock. “And not a moment too soon! Look at the clock!” the redhead added. 11:43pm. On the 31st of December, 1899. The 20th century was less than twenty minutes away now.

Kyu sighed. She supposed there was no more putting it off. She considered not saying anything at all, not wanting to sour what was supposed to be a happy occasion. But alas…there was no real choice. Besides, everyone had known it was coming for months now, so there was no real point in being coy about it. “Everyone.” the mogul announced. “I would like for everyone to gather on the back balcony for a moment, please.”

Kyu lead the executives out onto the balcony, overlooking the Sugardust gardens. The flowers were still in bloom, long after winter’s teeth had sunk in across the land. One of the benefits of being a fae of the Seelie Court - wherever you go, Summer follows. But alas, no Summer can truly last forever. All seasons must eventually pass.

Waiting for Kyu on the balcony, of course, was Theiatena Venus herself, no doubt here to make sure Kyu made no attempt at trickery to avoid her fate. Since the executives knew what both Kyu and Venus were, Venus made no attempt at disguise, and came dressed in her Greek robes and crown of golden leaves.

Puck was there too. After Villionaire’s defeat, he had been released from his contract with him, and was free to return to the Court. He also made no disguise, draped in clothes of greenery and wearing the antlers of a young elk. He had come with Venus, also to see Kyu off. He smiled at his old pink-haired lover. “My lady…” he greeted with a bow of his head.

“Sod off.” Kyu grumbled in reply. As soon as everyone saw Venus and Puck, they knew the purpose of this gathering. It was nearly time.

Venus nodded at Kyu. Kyu nodded back before turning to the executives. “…As you’re all aware…I am a Fae.” she began. “A Fae of the Seelie Court. My task was to guard the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae, a very important artifact to my people. As you can imagine, the Court was most displeased with me when I had allowed the lapis to slip through my fingers for a period of several months and into the hands of a human who, under its influence, was responsible for much suffering. And so, the Court has seen fit to punish me. A punishment that begins…tonight.”

Kyu took a moment to steady her breath. “…I am leaving the world of humans. I am being summoned back across the Veil between my world and yours.” The executives all gasped. A few protested, but Kyu silenced them all. “Running Sugardust Enterprises has been one of the greatest joys of my life. I gather you all here today to name my successor - the next CEO of Sugardust Enterprises.”

She turned to Business Maid. “Rosalina Ingold.” she said. Business Maid was shocked that Kyu used her real name. “For the last few years, you have been as good a servant and as good a friend as a Fae could ever ask. You’re beautiful, charming, and intelligent. For these reasons and more, I hereby name you the new CEO of Sugardust Enterprises. Congratulations, Ms. Ingold.”

Business Maid blushed as everyone gave her a hearty applause. A few even patted her on the back. Bonbon Von Valentine even gave her a saucy wink. Puck walked up to Kyu and offered a smug smirk. “Time to go.” he reminded.

Kyu was about to A: point out that she technically had fifteen minutes left with her friends, as the deal was that her exile would begin with the new year, and B: to go fuck himself, when a child’s cry was heard. “No!”

Cassandra Villionaire pushed her way through the crowd and hugged Kyu’s legs. “Don’t go!”

“Cassandra?” Kyu asked. “I…I thought you’d gone to bed.”

“Please don’t go!” the child begged through tears. “I…I’ve already lost three parents. Don’t make me lose a fourth as well.” She turned to Venus. “Please. Let her stay.”

Puck rolled his eyes. “You’ll find that tears have little effect on a god, child.” he smugly pointed out.

Venus, however, could not take her eyes off the child. The way her eyes welled with tears. The way she clung to Kyu’s dress for dear life. As if Kyu was her whole world. In a way, she was - the world had taken away everything else from the poor child. Venus sighed wearily as she walked up to the child.

“…How old are you?” she asked.

“…Twelve.” Cassandra replied. “I’ll be thirteen in February.”

Venus nodded. “You won’t be a girl for much longer. You’ll be a woman soon enough.”

“I know, ma’am.” Cassandra replied.

Venus looked towards Kyu now. She smirked. “…Was this part of your plan?”

“…No.” Kyu as as she hugged Cassandra. “I can honestly say that orphaning a little girl was NOT my plan at all.”

“I don’t blame you for what happened to Cashious.” Cassandra replied. “It was the lapis that led to his undoing. Not you.”

“I didn’t exactly help…” Kyu confessed.

“Enough!” Venus declared that commanded everyone with authority. “Kyu Sugardust! I, the goddess of love, have reached a…new decision regarding your fate.”

“A new decision?” Puck asked. A glare from Venus for interrupting her was enough to silence him for a moment.

“…Kyu. You must still step down as CEO of Sugardust Enterprises and, starting tomorrow morning, resume your duties as one of my love fairies.” Venus resumed. “However. You’ll be allowed to continue living among humans, until Cassandra Villionaire’s 18th birthday.”

Kyu widened her eyes in shock. She…she would get to stay? Here, with her friends? For a few more years, at least? She smiled and rushed over, giving the Goddess of Love a big hug, along with Cassandra, as they both gave Venus their thanks while the executives all erupted in cheers. Venus blinked in shock for a moment, but then returned the hugs gladly.

“Come along, Cassandra!” Kyu said as she took the young girl’s hand. “Let’s go to the western balcony! That’s the manor’s best view of London, AND the fireworks!” The love fairy and the girl eagerly ran off, along with most of the executive staff.

“Oberon is NOT going to be happy about this.” Puck pointed out. HIs scowl made it clear that he wasn’t happy about it either.

Venus smirked at the young forest fairy. “Bold of you to assume I care about his approval, Puck.”

Puck’s scowl deepened. “Watch your tongue. Oberon is the king of all Fae.”

Venus outright chuckled at that. ”Please. What’s a king to a goddess?”

Puck just sighed and shook his head. “Is your heart truly so easily swayed by the pleas of a child?”

“I wouldn’t be much of a love goddess if it wasn’t.” Venus argued. “All too often, people forget that love takes many forms. Not just romantic and erotic, but platonic and familial as well. And if I ripped away a mother from her child, well, I’d have to find a new title, because I wouldn’t be the goddess of love anymore.”

“Oh please.” Puck sneered. “Kyu’s not even her real-“

Venus’s glare immediately silenced any further protest from Puck. “…In that child’s eyes, Kyu is her real mother. And I’ll make you resemble the worm you are, should you ever claim otherwise within earshot of me.”

Satisfied by Puck’s terrified silence, Venus opened a portal back to Sky Garden. “Come. Our work here is done.” And on that note, they were gone.

*********************
London, England
Present Day
*********************

“So…yeah.” Kyu said as she finished her breakfast. “Venus let me stay on Earth for an extra six years to play Ms. Mom to an orphan, and the minute she turned 18, I handed Cassandra control of her father’s rubber company, and Venus dragged me back to Sky Garden.”

“And then?” Lola asked.

“And then nothing.” Kyu replied. “That’s it. Story’s over. Fin.”

“Oh no.” Lola said. “The story didn’t end there. What about Antoine and Vicki’s wedding? Or the birth of Max and Rosalina’s child?”

Kyu blinked. “How the fuck did you know any of that?”

Lola held up her phone. “I may have googled some names last night. It’s also how I already knew that portrait was painted on the last night you were CEO of Sugardust Enterprises, before Rosalina Ingold took over, and the business sadly went bankrupt in the 1930’s.”

“So if you already knew all that, what the fuck did you even need me for?”

Lola shrugged. “Just wanted to hear your take on things, I suppose.”

“Well, you got my take. So there.” Kyu huffed.

“…What about Cassandra?” Lola asked.

“What about Cassandra?” Kyu asked.

“She was your daughter, Kyu.” Lola said.

“Uh, no she wasn’t?” Kyu replied. “She was some orphan I took in for a while because I kinda felt shitty about what happened to her dad. That’s it. That’s all.”

“That’s not the way she tells it.” Lola said. “I’ve read a bit of her diary last night.”

“…Diaray?” Kyu asked. “She had a diary?”

“It was part of a compendium - ‘Letters from the Blitz.’ An anthology of letters and diaries salvaged from the ruins of London after the Battle of Britain in 1940. There was an entry in her diary about you, and it was probably the last thing she wrote before…well…”

The two women were silent for a moment.

“…Do you want to hear-“

”Don’t.” Kyu spat. “Don’t even fucking go there, Lola.”

“…You really did love her, didn’t you?”

Kyu’s wings erupted from her back as she flew over to Lola’s bed. She hovered over the other woman, glaring at her. For being a pink fairy, Kyu had never been so legitimately frightening. “…Lola.” she began, in a hauntingly neutral tone of voice. “The last few days have been very stressful for me. I am a stressed out fairy. And here’s the thing about fairies - before Disney came along, people were terrified of us. And rightly fucking so. We fucked shit up way back in the day. And on top of all of that…I sign your paycheck. So if I were you, I would be very, very careful about whatever shit comes out of your fucking mouth next.”

“…I’m gonna go outside and get some air.” Lola said, more than a little terrified.

“Good call.” Kyu said as she hovered away from the woman. Lola, perhaps a little too eagerly, walked out of the barracks.

Outside, Lola let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding in. In hindsight, she probably…definitely pushed Kyu too far. It was clearly a sensitive topic for her. She sighed, frustrated with herself. Why did she even bring that up? There was absolutely no need to. Kyu’s words from a few days ago rang in her head; Typical humans - they indulge their curiosities, and then they IMMEDIATELY regret it.

“Excuse me.”

Lola turned toward the voice and, suddenly, there was a woman with long green hair and a white business suit. “Lola…Rembrite, yes?”

“Er…yes.” Lola replied. “Can I help you?”

“I’m looking for Kyu Sugardust.” the woman replied. “She’s an…old friend of mine.”

Lola’s eyes widened in realization. “Holy shit.” she said, remembering the description of a woman with long green hair. “You’re-“

She cut her off with a finger to the human’s lips. “Don’t let it go around.” she said with a wink. “As much fun a woman like me would have in an RAF base filled with men who haven’t seen a live naked woman in months, I’m afraid I’m here on business. So, do you know where I can find Kyu?”

“…She’s…in the Barracks.” Lola said as she pointed to the building. “Word of warning though, she and I just had a heated discussion. She’s a little upset right now.”

“Don’t worry.” the woman replied. “I know how to deal with Kyu when she gets like that.”

Chapter Text

A few minutes after the green-haired stranger stepped into the Barracks to speak with Kyu, a pearl-white limo pulled into base. A few more minutes after that, the two women walked out of the base. Kyu’s wings were no longer visible, thankfully, so Lola didn’t have to worry about her getting outed. “Come along.” the stranger said to Lola as she escorted Kyu into the limo.

“Wait.” Lola said. “My father said-“

“I’ve already spoken with your father, and he’s given me permission to take you off base for a bit.” the stranger replied as she climbed into the limo. She looked at Lola expectantly. Realizing that she didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter, Lola climbed in. It helped that, if this woman was who Lola thought it was, she wouldn’t have to worry about anyone getting kidnapped again. Well, not Lola anyway. It’s possible Kyu was being called home.

Lola sat in the seat across from Venus, with Kyu sitting a few feet next to Venus. During the ride, Kyu seemed…nervous. She didn’t seem all that angry anymore. Probably because the stranger intimidated all the anger out of her. The green-haired woman cleared her throat. “Allow me to introduce myself. I am Theiatena Venus - the goddess of love.” she began, confirming Lola’s suspicion. “And you must be Lola Rembrite.”

“Er…yes…ma’am.” Lola replied. She wasn’t sure how else to address a literal goddess. Somehow, ‘your highness’ didn’t seem like it would cut it.

Venus nodded before turning to Kyu. “Have you secured the lapis?”

“Er, yeah.” Kyu said as she reached into her pocket to pull out the blue gem in question. Venus held out her hand and Kyu obeyed the silent command, handing the gem over to Venus. Venus inspected it and nodded in satisfaction.

“Well done, Kyu. The lapis is no worse for wear.” Venus said. “You’re to take it back with you to America. Keep it somewhere safe.”

“Does she have to?” Lola asked. Venus locked eyes with Lola as Kyu instantly flinched and gave Lola an ‘are you crazy?!’ stare. “…Well…I mean no disrespect…your…godliness.” Shit, that sounded corny. “But…Kyu has been guarding the lapis for well over two hundred years now, and honestly, it’s been a huge source of stress for her. Can’t some other love fairy guard it? And on a more pragmatic note, Kyu is a blip on Iraia’s radar.”

“Iraia?” Venus asked. “Who’s Iraia?” Meanwhile, Kyu was making increasingly desperate slashing motions across her neck at Lola while mouthing ‘shut up shut up for the love of fuck shut up.’

“Kaihautu Iraia - a human who somehow knew that the lapis was magical and that Kyu was a fairy..” Lola explained. “She tried to steal the lapis for herself while Kyu was trying to move it. and if I might be so blunt, your loveliness, it would be foolish to assume that she wouldn’t try to steal it again at some point in the future.”

“I see.” Venus replied. “Rest assured, Ms. Rembrite, Kyu would be in no true danger. Most humans who actually know of the Fae pose no real threat to us.”

“Most humans aren’t ruthless billionaires with access to resources that would make NASA blush.” Lola counter-argued. “Kyu was fairy-napped by her, and I got into a boxing match with her. So Kyu and I know first hand just how dangerous this woman is. Underestimating her would be a BIG mistake.”

Venus was silent as she stared Lola down. Kyu was starting to silently panic. Venus then looked down at the lapis. “…I wonder.” she said. She looked back up to Lola. “Catch.” She tossed Lola the lapis and, on instinct, she caught it.

“NO!” Kyu shouted and tried to lung at Lola, but Venus stopped her in her tracks by merely raising her hand.

Lola held the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae in her hand. She could feel its power. Her mind raced with possibilities. Wealth beyond imagining. Strength unrivaled. A legacy that would last a thousand years. All of it could be hers. All she had to do was take it and-

“Lola.” Venus said. “Give the lapis back.”

Lola looked up at Venus. Why the hell would she do that? She had the strength to break out of the limo, and the speed to outrun any fairy, any human, any being who would DARE take what was RIGHTFULLY-

No!

Shaking her head, she threw the lapis at Venus as hard as she could. Venus caught the lapis single-handed, not even flinching from the force of Lola’s throw. “Impressive.” Venus noted as Lola tried to catch her breath. “After tasting such power, most humans would never give it up so freely. It is rare to encounter a human with such willpower.”

She tucked the lapis into her shirt pocket. Then calmly crossed her legs and stared Lola down. “Almost as rare as encountering a human arrogant enough to try and give me tactical advice.”

“…Just…speaking my mind…your….love goddiness.” Lola panted, the spots in her vision finally fading. Kyu cringed and facepalmed. Venus, however, smirked.

“Kyu.” she said, immediately catching the love fairy’s attention. “Why didn’t you tell me you had such a remarkable human in your employ?”

Kyu blinked at that. “Remarkable?” she said. “Lola Rembrite’s a tight ass who thinks she knows better than everyone else. For a human, there’s nothing remarkable about that. In fact, it’s actually very markable.”

Venus turned to Kyu and seemed almost…sad. “…My poor Kyu.” she said. “The last century has not been kind to you, has it?”

Kyu blinked again, utterly shocked that the love goddess was suddenly taking such a warm tone with her. “Excuse me?” she asked.

“A little over a hundred years ago, you were Humanity’s greatest advocate within the Court.” Venus said. “Oh, the feathers you ruffled back in those days, going on and on about how the Court could learn a few things from humans. ‘The Irrepressible Kyu,’ they called you.”

Venus turned to Lola. “Before she retired from her station, Kyu Sugardust was one of my best love fairies. For over three hundred years, she turned even the most awkward humans into great lovers, talented with their tongues and their hands and their minds. After helping so many humans fall in love, it should be no surprise that she eventually fell in love with humanity itself.”

Venus’s smile faded. “And then somewhere along the way…humanity broke her heart. War. Bigotry. Destruction. Greed. It all wore her down until she was reduced to this - a bitter spirit. Still youthful in body, but aged and scarred in soul.”

“Okay!” Kyu snapped. “Can we, like, NOT talk about my broken dreams and shattered expectations please?”

“…As I said, you’ve done well in retrieving the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae, Kyu.” Venus said. “But before you return to America, I believe there is one last bit of unfinished business that you must attend to.”

“And what would THAT be?” Kyu asked. It was at this point that Lola actually looked out a window for the first time that whole ride. The limo had never entered London itself the whole ride, but rather stayed around the outskirts. Venus peeked out the window herself and sighed.

“We’ve arrived.” she said as she limo slowed to a stop. She climbed out, followed by Lola and Kyu. Lola and Kyu widened their eyes in shock at what was before them.

An iron gate leading to a vast field of stone graves. A sign next to the gate read ‘Kensal Green Cemetery.’ “…What are we doing here.” Kyu quietly asked, though she already knew the answer.

Venus sighed. “Nearly two hundred and fifty years ago, you suffered a great wound in the service of the Seelie Court. A wound that never quite healed right. Today, we begin the process of mending it properly.”

“…Bullshit.” Kyu said. “Whatever you THINK I’m gonna find in there isn’t gonna mend shit.”

Venus looked at Kyu.

“I am NOT going in there!”

Venus kept looking at Kyu.

“I am NOT going in there and not even YOU can make me!”

Venus kept looking at Kyu.

“…You know you can be a REAL bitch when you wanna be!” Kyu cussed.

“Kyu.” Lola said as she grabbed the fairy’s hand. “I’ll go with you.”

“Why?” Kyu demanded.

“Because you shouldn’t have to do this alone. You need a friend.” Lola pointed out.

“You are NOT my friend.” Kyu seethed.

“Maybe not, but I DID get you rescued from a crazed billionaire fairy hunter.” Lola argued. “Which makes me the closest thing to a friend you’ve got at the moment.”

Kyu was silent. She turned back to Venus. “…You’re REALLY gonna force me to do this, aren’t you?”

“If it were up to you, it’d be at least another two hundred and fifty years before you even thought about coming here.” Venus argued. “And quite frankly, my patience with this whole thing is wearing thin.”

Kyu sighed. She gripped Lola’s hand tight. “…Let’s just get this over with.”

*****

There wasn’t a single other soul in Kensal Green. It was just Lola, Kyu, and a thousand tributes to those who had passed on. As they made their way down the green, Lola would notice Kyu trying her hardest not to look at certain graves. Lola had an idea as to why - Kyu probably knew a few of the people buried here. It was painful enough looking for the one grave. She didn’t want anymore pain on top of that.

Lola gave Kyu’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Kyu gulped and took a deep breath. Lola could tell that Kyu was using every bit of willpower she had to keep from breaking down.

“…You ever had pets, Lola?” Kyu asked, apparently eager to break the eerie silence.

Lola nodded. “We had a cat growing up. We called her Lexxi.”

“…Cats only live for fifteen years.” Kyu said. “Twenty, if they’re lucky.”

Lola nodded again. “She passed away during my senior year in High School.”

“…It’s not fair.” Kyu said. “That something so beautiful and loving lives for such a short time.”

Lola wasn’t sure what to say to that. Or even if she should say anything at all. Suddenly, Kyu stopped dead in her tracks as her eyes locked on one particular grave. Lola saw the grave too and, with a bit of coaxing, got Kyu to follow her over. They stood in front of the grave together.

Cassandra Cromwell
1887-1940
Brilliant Business Woman
Beloved Wife and Mother

“…I knew her husband.” Kyu croaked out. “Benjamin Cromwell. Nice guy.”

“…Do you need a minute alone?” Lola asked.

“No. No, I’m fine.” Kyu replied. Reluctantly, she let go of Lola’s hand and knelt in front of her foster daughter’s grave. “…Hello Cassandra.” she said. “It’s…it’s been…a…long…time….”

It didn’t take long at all for the tears to come. “I’m sorry.” she whispered. “I’m so sorry I left. I…I just….I didn’t want….” she choked, trying to collect herself. “When I saw that you were pregnant, I realized you were getting older and that you’d…I didn’t want to watch that. I didn’t want to watch you wither away.”

She sobbed. “But you never even got to wither! I should’ve been there! I was supposed to protect you! If I had, maybe your great granddaughter wouldn’t have kidnapped me and tied me to a chair!”

She shook her head. “It’s happening again! I abandoned Thaddeus, and so your father sought revenge! I abandoned you, and now Kaihautu is after the lapis! I don’t know why I keep making the same fucking mistakes over and over! Please forgive me!”

Lola knelt down beside Kyu. In that moment, she no longer saw a penny-pinching tyrant. She no longer saw a perverse wise-cracking fairy. All she saw was a regretful mother begging her child for forgiveness. She rubbed Kyu’s shoulder, trying to comfort her. Kyu responded by hugging Lola tightly and crying into her shoulder. Lola rubbed the fairy’s back as she vented centuries’ worth of pent up anguish.

Kyu went on crying for several minutes, and Lola didn’t complain about it for a moment. Eventually though, even a fairy’s tears must dry. “…Lola?” Kyu asked.

“Yes?” Lola asked.

“If you tell anyone at the studio that I ugly-cried, I’ll dock your pay.” Kyu said.

Lola smiled. “Whatever you say, boss.”

*****

The next day, after Lola hugged her father goodbye, Venus herself graciously offered Kyu and Lola a lift to the airport via her limo. “I’ve given your advice some thought, Lola.” Venus said on the way. “And in the interest of taking every possible precaution, I’ve decided that Kyu will not be guarding the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae any longer.”

Kyu blinked. “For real?” she asked.

“It is a burden that you have borne for long enough, Kyu.” Venus said. “I shall store it elsewhere, well beyond the sight of this ‘Kaihautu’ character, or any other human greedy and foolish enough to seek the lapis.”

“…Thanks, Boss.” Kyu replied.

“You’re welcome. Madame.” Venus replied.

“It’s good to hear that the lapis won’t be causing any trouble again.” Lola said. “Though…there is one thing I’ve been meaning to ask. Why does the Court even need the lapis anyway? What’s it for?”

Venus smirked. “Fairy business, Lola. Nothing you should concern herself with.”

“If you say so.” Lola replied, a bit uncertain. “Just give me a heads up if things really start going sideways.”

Venus chuckled at that. “Lola, if things really go sideways, no amount of warnings would help.”

“…Okay, I know you told me not to concern myself, but that actually concerns me a lot.” Lola replied.

Venus chuckled one last time before the limo slowed to a stop in front of the London International’s Airport. She opened the door for Lola and motioned her out. “Safe journey, Lola Rembrite.”

*****

Though they flew to London separately, Lola and Kyu chose to fly back to Glenberry together. First Class, of course, on Kyu’s insistence. And for the whole ride, Lola was remarkably kind to the stewardesses, having been in their shoes long enough to know how tough the job can be.

“…So, Lola.” Kyu said not long after takeoff. “What WERE you doing in Britain anyway?”

Lola sighed. “Honestly? I was looking for a loan from a wealthy friend.”

“Judging from that sigh, I’m guessing you didn’t get that loan?” Kyu asked.

“Nnnnnope.” Lola replied. “I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever get this fashion boutique off the ground.”

“Why DO you wanna start your own business so bad anyway?” Kyu asked.

“Oh, you know…” Lola replied. “Longing for a purpose in life. Wanting to make a mark on the world. A crippling fear of mediocrity. The usual suspects.”

“Hrm.” Kyu replied with a hum. She drummed her hands on her knees as she mulled a thought over. “…You uh…you got a portfolio?”

“Right here.” Lola said as she tapped her suitcase under the seat in front of her with the toe of her boot.

“…Alright. Whip ‘em and let’s see ‘em!” Kyu replied.

Lola blinked.

“Your designs.” Kyu clarified.

“Oh.” Lola replied as she pulled out the suitcase and handed Kyu a folder full of fashion designs she drew up. Kyu looked through them and seemed…rather impressed. “Damn.” she said. “Didn’t think you were such a fashionista, Lola.”

“It’s always been a bit of a hobby of mine.” Lola replied with a shrug. “Too bad I can’t seem to get a loan or an investment for the life of me.”

“…Wait…” Kyu said. ”Aw shit son! My brain just jizzed out an idea! What if Huniepop invests in this?”

Lola blinked in shock. “I beg your pardon?”

“Okay. Hear me out, Lola.” Kyu began. “We make your fashion company a subsidiary of Huniepop. We can call it the ‘Hunieline!’ And all the Hunies can be the models!”

Lola raised an eyebrow. “A fashion line…sponsored by a cam girl studio.” she slowly said to herself. “I’m…not sure that’s going to work.”

Kyu tsked. “For shame, Lola! By now, you’ve been working at Huniepop long enough to know that we are NOT your regular cam girl operation!”

“Be that as it may, you’re talking about shifting our entire business model.” Lola argued.

“I’m not shifting it, I’m expanding it!” Kyu replied.

“Expanding into an entirely different market would require a TON of capital.” Lola pointed out. “Marketing, licensing fees, production - we just don’t have enough money for all that.”

Kyu scoffed. “We’re porn stars, Lola. All we gotta do is run a five-hour orgy stream and we’ll have all the money we need by the end of it!”

Lola facepalmed. “Kyu, we can’t JUST become a fashion company.”

“Who the fuck says we can’t?” Kyu demanded. “A hundred years ago, people were saying ‘Madame Sugardust, you can’t JUST make your butler shirtless!’ ‘Madame Sugardust, you can’t JUST hire a courtesan and a witch! ‘Madame Sugardust, you can’t JUST buy out other companies by ordering your executives to physically assault people in St. Ambrose Park!’ Well, I did all that and more, because I COULD, damn it!”

Kyu slammed her fist against her armrest. “Fuck! No wonder I missed the nineties so much!”

“The eighteen nineties?” Lola asked with a small smile.

“Duh! What other nineties would I be talkin’ about?” Kyu asked. “Back in those days, I was queen of the fuckin’ world! I had my fingers in every pie in the British Commonwealth! Now look at me - scraping by with a measly cam girl operation. And for the longest time, I was satisfied with that!”

”Madame Sugardust never would’ve approved.” Lola added, her smile getting wider. She had to admit, she was getting drunk on the courage of Kyu’s liquor.

“Damn right! 1890’s me would punch me in the face if she saw me now!” Kyu continued to rant. “And I’d deserve it! I used to be so ambitious and determined! Where the fuck did that go?!”

“I believe we established that it died after witnessing the misery of the 20th century.” Lola said.

“Well screw that! It’s the 21st century now! New century, new Kyu!” Kyu declared. “I mean, okay, the first twenty years was rough, but fuck it, we still got eighty years to turn this shit around!”

She then turned to Lola. “Of course, I can’t do this alone. Back in the day, I had over a dozen badass executives who were all captains of their industry, almost as ambitious as yours truly!”

She smirked. “But people like that are hard to come by these days, so you’ll have to do. Whaddaya say, Lola? Wanna be head of Huniepop’s future fashion division?”

“…Oh my God, you’re serious aren’t you?” Lola said after a few seconds of stunned silence.

“Of course, when am I ever not serious?” Kyu asked.

“And…my designs…” Lola said as she took the folder back from Kyu.

“All funded my hunie-munie! With you having full creative control!” Kyu went on.

“…Kyu.” Lola said. “I…I don’t know what to say.”

“How about ‘yes’ for starters?” Kyu asked.

It was stunning. A week ago, Kyu was just another greedy boss who couldn’t seem to care less about her employees’ well being. Yesterday, Kyu was a bitter, misanthropic, former mother who only just began processing the death of her foster child. Today, she was an ambitious entrepreneur ready to chase after glory with everything she had, and was more than happy to elevate Lola’s dreams in the process.

She remembered reading somewhere reading somewhere that fairies were flighty creatures - prone to wild emotions, pursuing pleasure and amusement and joy, and preferring not to dwell on sadness for very long. Kyu was a prime example of her species, she supposed.

…Or maybe Kyu was just trying to put the mistakes of the past behind her. She had cried. She had grieved. And now she was ready to move forward with greater zeal than she had before. Lola couldn’t help but admire that kind of strength.

Feeling like celebrating, Kyu ordered a couple glasses and a bottle of champagne from the waitress. After pouring herself and Lola a glass, Kyu held up her own glass. “A toast!” she said. “To a new adventure!”

“To a new adventure!” Lola agreed as she clinked her glass with Kyu’s. “…By the way Kyu, did Venus ever mention where she was going to keep the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae?”

“Oh don’t worry about that.” Kyu said with a dismissive wave. “It’s being guarded by top men.”

“Who?” Lola asked.

“…Top. Men.” Kyu answered.

*****

The man pounded in the final nail, locked up the padlock, and removed the stencil from the side of the wooden crate, leaving behind black letters.

TOP SECRET
GLOBAL PARANORMAL RESEARCH & DEFENSE 9906754
DO NOT OPEN

The man then loaded the crate onto a cart and began pushing that cart down the corridor, deeper and deeper into a vast warehouse full of similar crates…

Chapter Text

“What did you expect me to do?” Kaihautu said. “I had the United States Embassy on me ass. It was either let her go, or take me chances in an international court, which would be the exact OPPOSITE of keepin’ this quiet.”

Kaihautu Iraia sneered as she stood in the elevator, listening to her newest ‘business associate’ complain about her methods over the phone. She then blinked. “What?” she asked. The other party clarified his suggestion. “Oh yeah right, Al. Let’s just send a bunch of crazed gunmen to attack a royal air force base. No way THAT could bite us in the ass.”

As ‘Al’ took an increasingly venomous tone with Kaihautu, the elevator dinged and the doors opened on the floor of Kaihautu’s hotel room. “Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there.” she said as she started marching down the hall. “I feel like you’re forgettin’ one itty bitty little oh-so-crucial detail, bro; I own you. It’s my money that’s bankrollin’ that lil’ freak show of yours, so I strongly recommend takin’ a more friendly tone with me in the future, got it?”

She smirked as Al grumbled out a begrudging affirmative. “Sweet as.” she said as she opened the unlocked the door to her hotel room, opened it, entered…

And noticed an uninvited guest looking out the window. “…I’ll call you back, Al.” she said as she hung up. “Oi. You.”

The mysterious figure turned around. She wore a long dress that was tattered near the edges. Her long black hair ended in angry red highlights. Her skin was an unnatural shade of grey, and a pair of thick glasses obscured her eyes. “Kaihautu Iraia, I presume?”

“Who’s askin’?” Kaihautu said as she crossed her arms. She thought about calling security, but after a few seconds of sizing up the stranger, she decided she could probably take her herself if need be.

“For now, just call me…Faith.” the stranger, ‘Faith,’ introduced herself. She slowly approached the billionaire. “I understand you’re a busy woman, Ms. Iraia, so I’ll skip the formalities and cut right to the chase. You seek the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae, do you not?”

“…Maybe.” Kaihautu said. In one sentence, Faith revealed that she knew FAR more than Kaihautu was comfortable with. It was enough to keep her on high alert.

“You must be.” Faith said. “Why else would you fly all the way out to London? You sought the lapis. Only to have it slip through your fingers at the last minute…”

Faith grinned. Evilly. “But what if I told you that the Sanctus Lapis Fortunae is merely a fraction of the power that lies hidden, across the Veil?”

Kaihautu paused. She then set a timer on her digital watch. “Alright. You’ve got two minutes to make your pitch. Make it good.”