Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: I don't own Disney, Kim Possible, or any characters from the cartoon. I have no connection with Disney at all. Nor do I profit from these stories.

Author's Note: This is a prologue – a 'teaser' to let the reader know ahead of time what's going to happen, the “point of the story”.

“Hello?” Kim said tiredly. Figures someone would call when she FINALLY felt like she'd be able to go to sleep. The images and feelings that had been running wildly through her head for the last couple of days had finally been forced into perspective, and she could almost put them out of her mind. It wasn't me. It wasn't us. It's not possible.

“It's me” Shego said.

Kim's heart nearly jumped out of her mouth, “Doc!”, she cried happily, unexpectedly overcome, before it occurred to her to wonder why. And... why did she call Shego 'Doc'?

But Shego didn't say anything about the 'Doc' part. She knew all about 'Doc'... Like Kim, Shego knew more than she wanted to; and also like Kim, the knowledge wouldn't leave her alone. She hadn't wanted to make this call - she simply couldn't help it.

“I remembered something... Kim” Shego said. But it didn't sound much like the Shego that Kim knew. There was no sarcasm in her voice, no implied smirk on her face. None of that infuriating confidence that Shego always showed off. In fact, she sounded a little like... that other Shego.

“M-me too” Kim replied before she could stop herself. No! She hadn't “remembered” anything! It wasn't me! It wasn't us! Dammit!

Once again, Shego seemed to let it go, not following up with the “Oh? What?” that Kim was dreading.

“I... I remembered getting rescued, Kim. I remember what happened. Is that what you remembered?”

“Uh... no” Oh thank god... “But – what happened? How did you remember it? I mean... are you SURE you're really... remembering?” Because it HAS to be something else! They're JUST DREAMS! And... and anyway it... it wasn't... “us”...

“We were there for twenty-one years. Twenty-one years, Red. Uh... I mean...” Shego never finished saying what she 'meant'.

Kim was too stunned to speak. If the events in her 'dream' had taken place only ten years after the accident, that meant that they'd lived there for eleven years afterward. That meant... That meant... No! GOD-DAMMIT NO!!

Her eyes squinted shut as if to keep the thoughts out of her mind, Kim resorted to her only safe option: to ask about the mundane. “So how did we get rescued?” There. That was a good question. She could listen to Shego talk about that. Facts. Events. No feelings. No more feelings! Please...

“You built a beacon. You called it a... a 'reality phase' something – I can't remember. You said it would either work right away or not at all” Shego reported matter-of-factly.

“I...I built it?”

“Yeah. You got us rescued, Red... I mean 'Kim'.” Shego stopped speaking, but Kim could tell there was more she wanted to say. Kim would have to drag it out of her, as usual... Really, Shego could be SO... wait a minute... how did Kim know how Shego could be? It wasn't her!

Kim doubled over on the bed into a fetal position, phone still to her ear. Oh god... oh god... oh god... she thought. And for the first time admitted – it might have actually happened. It might be true. Maybe it WAS us... Oh god...

“Kim? Kim, what do you remember? Kim...” Shego's voice was almost begging. No, this was not the Shego Kim knew. It was the Shego Kim had come to know. And then Kim realized - Shego was just as scared as she was. Shego wanted to know – and feared – the truth as much as Kim did. And finally – Shego hurt as much as she did, too. What had been wrong, what had been missing, was suddenly revealed – and it wasn't what either of them was expecting.

It was so unfair to keep Shego guessing, wondering. Kim knew now... it was real. It had happened. It had been them. Different, yes, but the same, yes. And Kim couldn't let Shego hurt the way she had been... it was simply not something Kim could do. Not to Shego.

Not now.

“I remember getting married.”

Silence.

Fully five minutes of silence while the only sound on the phone-line was each other's breathing.

Finally, her voice near cracking, Shego said, “T- to me?”

Under the circumstances, it was about the most stupid question Shego could have asked. There had been ONLY the two of them, for twenty-one years, apparently. But the irony didn't even occur to Kim.

“Yeah. To you, Doc.”

Ch. 1 - A Whole New World

Kim ducked Shego's elbow flare and jumped into a double-spin, hoping to connect with the thief's shoulders on the second turn, but Shego pushed the other girl's leg up and over her head, turning the first half-spin into a backsault-suicide instead... but thereby putting Kim in position for a squatting leg-sweep while she re-balanced her weight on her left arm... and so forth and so on. This had been going on for twenty minutes; getting in a connecting hit worked so seldom for either of them... but when something did connect, it was just SO incredibly satisfying that neither of them could help trying. Their need for the satisfaction of hurting each other was an addiction, but it wasn't “hate”, really – neither girl would have used that word – so much as annoyance. Kim only wanted to hurt Shego enough to allow her to be captured and incarcerated. Shego, on the other hand, only wanted to do enough damage to Kim to get her the hell out of the way for awhile.

As Shego tried for a side scissor hold, Kim lifted both legs, forcing the other girl to accept her weight or else fall, and then pushed hard against a steel support beam in front of her. Shego could either accept the force and try to absorb it, or use it. She used it, back-flipping – Kim still in her arms – through Ring #1 of Dr. Drakken's still-energized Transporter Loop.

And exiting on the other side of Ring #1, rather than the other side of Ring #2 ten feet away. Which was odd, but Shego didn't have time to ponder about it. She landed on her feet still holding onto Kim, but the fight stopped - because they were both suddenly freezing cold. They wrapped their arms around themselves in a desperate attempt to get warm, each still glaring at the other and ready to start again at any hint of a break in the truce.

“Gah! What the heck was THAT?” Kim asked, “I'm freezing!”

“Yeah. Good job pushing us through it, Princess... we're lucky it worked” Shego replied, setting her hands faintly aglow to warm herself faster. If she could thaw herself a reasonable amount before Kim could, she could get some advantage from this situation. Maybe take the goody-two-shoes cheerleader down for good, finally. A swift knee to the spine ought to do it. Or maybe an elbow to the neck. She considered her options while she rubbed her arms. “Dr. D!” she yelled, “You take care of the buffoon yet?”

Dr. D didn't answer. Ron probably chased him off , Shego thought. Buffoon though he was, Ron could still kick Drakken's ass. Honestly, I don't know why I can't find a more respectable employer... well, heh, where I still won't have to do much actual work, I mean.

Kim didn't dare take her eyes of the pale green woman – that would be exactly the cue

Shego would need. “Ron! You there? You okay?”

Just as with Drakken, Ron wasn't answering.

Shego didn't dare look away from Kim, either. She knew better than that. However pathetic she thought Kim might be in other ways, her fighting skill was not to be under-estimated. Been there done that. Over and over.

“Doctor D!” she shouted loudly.

“Ron!” Kim added.

Nothing. Nothing but the oddly-whining sound of the Rings, which seemed to be growing louder by the second.

Shego backed away two steps, out of Kim's danger-zone, and glanced at the Rings. She didn't know how they worked, of course, but she had seen how gingerly her boss had handled the pieces while putting it together. She also remembered how – when he was finally ready to throw the switch to energize them – he had looked so nervous, like he was ready to dive behind the console at the first sign of trouble. So she knew there was something about those rings Drakken was afraid of, even if he did build them. And now they were making a funny noise... and odd flashes of orange light were crackling over their blue glow as well...

Time to go. Another invention was about to blow itself up. That would be the fourth this year.

Shego turned and ran for the back door and Kim, sensing the danger from her enemy's demeanor and action, ran for the front door.

That was odd... the hovercraft was still there. Maybe Ron had been able to capture Drakken after all. Shego sighed and climbed in – breaking her employer out of jail was another job she'd have to do, then. More work. She was beginning to wonder if working for Dr. D was really all that great, after all. Well, maybe she'd get a fat bonus out of it. She made a mental note to negotiate about it before breaking him out, this time. After the fact, Drakken wouldn't be so desperate. Maybe she should leave him in there a month or two... let him get the feel of prison. That ought to get her a new Learjet. Her old one was out of style, and she wanted one of the new Rutan-designed ones with the nose-canards.

On her way back to the lair, and while fantasizing about the new plane she would buy – custom paint, of course, green and black, as usual – she glanced over the side for landmarks. Shego preferred to ignore navigation systems if at all possible and fly by the “seat of her pants”. Only weenies used GPS. Real pilots used the sun as their compass, the real horizon instead of the artificial one, and landmarks for navigation. Her first landmark was an Interstate 40 cloverleaf; the exit that lead to Middleton.

And there it was. Good, right on course. She faced forward again, enjoying the wind in her copious, billowing hair. Wait a minute -

Something weird was going on down there. She looked back over the side.

Cars, trucks, semi's everywhere, mostly off the highway. And none of them moving. A few seemed to be on fire. An accident? Must be a pretty bad one, all scattered over the road like that. Well, none of her business. No use being morbid. Except, y'know, for fun. She flew down for a closer look.

Kim jumped into the Humvee fully expecting to find Ron already there with Dr. Drakken tied up beside him, but no. No Ron. No Dr. Drakken. And for that matter, no driver, either. Now where the heck did HE go?! They're SUPPOSED to stay and wait for us! Geez, doesn't ANYone do what they're supposed to anymore?

Well, she wasn't leaving without her sidekick anyway, so it was kind of a moot point. The Press would never forgive her if she did that – heroes can't just leave their trusty sidekicks behind. Kim sighed. Dammit, Ron... where'd you go?

Hearing the familiar sound of Drakken's hovercraft, Kim looked up and saw Shego leaving. By herself. That was odd, too – there had only been the one hovercraft parked outside when she and Ron had reconnoitered the place, so where was Drakken, then? Well, no sweat, if Drakken was stupid enough to fight her alone, tough breaks for him. She put him out of her mind, concentrating on how best to go about looking for Ron.

Two hours later, she was back at the Humvee, having exhausted all other possibilities. No Ron, no Drakken, and no driver, either. Maybe Shego had them tied up on the floor of that hovercraft. Now I'll have to rescue them. Great. You're a cute boy, Ronnie, but you really do cramp my style, sometimes. She got in the driver's seat, Now. How do you work this thing... Like any typical American teen cheerleader (hero or not), she had absolutely no idea how to work a manual transmission. This one had fourteen gears... just in forward. Four more in reverse. Not to mention the four-wheel drive selector.

An hour later, she slowly crawled down the mountain road towards Middleton – in first gear all the way.

By six o'clock she was back in the suburbs, having taken all secondary roads to get there, avoiding the highways. She hadn't met another vehicle the entire time, although she'd passed several that had apparently run off the road. Probably kids, she thought with disdain – ignoring the fact that she was a 'kid' herself.

“Dad! Mom! I'm home!” she yelled, expecting them to have been wondering about her. Humph, no answer. Kim went into the kitchen to find herself something to eat.

An hour later it occurred to her that it was, in fact, an hour later. And still no Mom and Dad. No Tweebs, either, but they would be with Mom and Dad, of course. Still, it was odd there there were no notes or messages or anything. Something must be going on... maybe some kind of school function for her twin little brothers. She decided to give her best friend Monique a call.

“Pick up, Monique...” she said, hearing her typical generic answering-machine message. “Monique! Pick up!” she tried again. “C'mon, Mon... pick up the phone. Where is everyone? Mon... it's not funny! Pick up!”

Tara. Angelica. After some trepidation, Bonnie. No one home. EVERYbody knew about this except me? Okay... the school, then. Nope. Dad's work? Nada. The hospital – maybe Mom got called up for an emergency - no answer, just another damned machine.

No answer at a hospital?

The police. Machine. Ron's house: machine. GJ headquarters: machine. Kimmunicator: machine. What the... Okay, let's try THIS then: 911!

Machine.

She left the house and started knocking on doors - next door neighbors: not home. NONE of them! Not across the street, not down the alley... nowhere.

And worst of all, Kim found when she finally returned home: both her parent's cars were still in the garage.

Kim was not a girl to panic. There was an explanation for this. There was a logical, rational explanation, and she would feel silly once she found out what it was.

Then the power went out.

Kim parked her father's Camry next to Shego's hovercraft back at the warehouse. It was getting close to midnight now, and a full moon turned everything pale grey with it's light. Kim had never noticed before – absolutely everything was colorless and grey, because there was no other light to be seen, anywhere. Not for as far as the eye could see. The power had been out for four hours now – another new experience for her.

Let's get this over with... she thought, stepping in through the door, her flashlight scanning for the enemy.

There she was, sitting at a console chair in the dark, facing the melted ruins of the Rings, glowering at her. Shego had been waiting three hours for Kim to return. She was a little amazed it had taken the teenager this long to figure out that something was wrong. At first, she thought about fighting Kim again there – wherever “there” was – but then she remembered Drakken going on and on about how the mass input exactly matched the mass output... He seemed proud of that. And if she had come through together with Kim, there was at least a chance that she'd have to go back through with her as well. Which put an end to her thought of just leaving Kim behind, when the rescue came. Well... it would have been a nice way to get rid of her arch-enemy, but she'd find other ways, back in the Real World.

“GET THAT FUCKING LIGHT OUT OF MY FACE!!” Shego screamed at her.

Kim lowered the light, but kept the other girl within the edges of the beam. “What's going on, Shego? Where is everyone?”

Shego made no attempt to answer.

“Answer me! What's happened? Is... is it something we... something to do with those hoop things?”

Shego sighed heavily - Kim wasn't going to shut-up until she explained, obviously. “Good questions, Princess! But I don't have the answers. Those 'hoops' are the 'Rings' of Dr. D's 'Transporter'. You know – the one you pushed us into? So yeah. The question really isn't 'Where is everyone else?', but more like, 'Where are WE?' !”

“What... what do you mean 'where are we'? And what's a 'Transporter'? ” Kim asked, getting a bad feeling about things.

“First things first, Pumpkin. We're going to have to call a truce, you and me. Until we get back, I mean. Then we'll be business-as-usual. Got it?”

Kim agreed, and Shego tiredly told her as much as she knew.

The “Transporter” was Drakken's latest invention. As far as she could remember from pretending to listen to the mad-scientist's self-aggrandizing monologue, it created some sort of loop in space-time, from one universe, through other universes, and back to the original one. In between there was neither space nor time. He had tested it in her presence, throwing a clip-board through it. Then a Hostess Ding-Dong. And finally a cat. Each item appeared on the other side apparently unscathed, if rather cold to the touch. Drakken had been overjoyed, and nearly talked Shego to death about how brilliant he was.

“So where did everyone GO then, Shego?” Kim asked again, rather annoyed at having to ask her arch-enemy for answers.

“Doy! Don't you get it? We're not IN 'our' universe – were in some other one. The one where everyone disappeared right at the time when we entered it, it looks like.”

“Give me a break. What are the odds that we'd just happen to land in the universe where -”

“Infinitely small, I'm guessing” Shego cut her off, “But then, Dr. D said there was an infinite number of universes, too, one for each probability of everything that's ever happened. Look, math isn't really my thing, but I do know that 'infinite' is a whole friggin' lot, alright? Don't ask me details. I'm not the evil scientist or whatever.”

A universe where everyone else disappeared right when they'd entered it? Kim tried to grasp the concept. They were absolutely alone here? They certainly seemed to have Middleton and the surrounding area to themselves...

“Maybe it only goes for so far, Shego... maybe if you get far enough away-”

“UNIVERSE, Kim! It's a different UNIVERSE!” Shego shouted in exasperation, “Look: what we need to do is wait to be rescued. Dr. D will find a way to get us back into the real world. Our real world. Our original real world. So just shut-up and wait. If you have a better idea, I'm all ears.”

Kim didn't, and sat down – beyond Shego's arm-length, and still wary of her – trying to make herself comfortable. She could deal with this. Just another exciting anecdote in her life, that's all it was. If Drakken didn't rescue Shego, then the GJ would certainly rescue her. She was their prize recruit - or potential recruit anyway - after all. They couldn't get along with out her. And Ron would explain everything to them, she could depend on that. No sweat. She'd be back in her own bed my morning.

Good thing too, because even though it was summer, up here in the mountains it still got cold at night. She was already feeling chilly. But she could wait. No big. So not the drama.

New World + 3 days.

“It's your turn to go get the food, Shego” Kim said opening the last can of Vienna Sausages. They weren't so bad... if you were hungry enough. Their first day they had hooked up a generator “borrowed” from a hardware store. They had each blamed the other for not thinking to look for some kind of manual pump while at the store, and eventually Kim had gone back for one, and finally they were able to get gas for it.

So at least they had heat, light, and a refrigerator at the warehouse now. And in the fridge they had milk, ice-cream, strawberries, and as many hot-pockets and frozen pizzas as they could fit. But that diet was getting kind of old.

Kim looked up from her spy novel, “Shego! Your turn to go to the grocery store! Bring me some Sno-Balls, too.” Kim didn't think Shego would really bring her any Sno-Balls, of course, if only because she had specifically asked for them. Their un-easy truce was finally at least getting comfortable, but neither girl was going to go out of her way for the other's benefit. Still, it never hurt to try. Kim had picked up some strawberries – a favorite of Shego's – so Shego kind of owed her.

But Shego was thinking other things. Something had just occurred to her, and she wasn't liking it.

Nothing had happened for three days now, as they sat and watched the space where the rings had been for some sign of... of something. Nothing at all. She had been thinking that Drakken would have to rescue her, maybe she wasn't the greatest assistant – her inability to defeat Kim Possible was proof enough of that – but she had at least broken him out of jail on several occasions. so he had to get her back, right?

What had just occurred to her was that it was always Kim Possible who put him in jail. And Kim was here. So he'd effectively gotten rid of Kim for once and for all – as long as he left her here.

Would he do that? Would he leave me here just to be rid of Kim?

Obviously, he was doing that! Bastard! She would be sitting here waiting forever! Well, not her. Fuck this... Just... fuck it all. In a way, her being left here was Kim's fault, although she'd have never put thought into words – because then she might realize how stupid a thought it really was. She stood up decisively, “I'm outta here, Princess.”

“What?” Kim couldn't believe it. Where would she go? What about the rescue? What did she mean?

“I'm going. Right now. There's never going to be any 'rescue'... Drakken's got you out of his way finally, I don't think he'll be interested in bringing you back.”

“But what about you?”

“I'm just along for the ride, as usual. Anyway, I'm going to find someplace that has running water and take a shower. That's my plan for the future. Don't wait up.”

Shego strode out to her hovercraft and flew off without a glance back.

Kim never got her Sno-Balls. Once Shego left, the situation really hit home for her. With Shego around, it had felt sort of like camping-out. Eat what you can find, spend your time as you see fit – like a vacation. Of course, it would have been better to have been stuck there with someone – anyone – but Shego... Ron, for instance. That might have been... fun. But now...

Could she be right? Was no one going to rescue them? Shego had certainly had a good point about Drakken having gotten Kim out of the way... would he do without Shego just for that? Didn't he need Shego to... to... to fight Team Possible off? Not anymore, she guessed. Well, then to steal things for him? Mind you, Drakken usually just bought the things he needed anyway... But who was going to break him out of prison?

Then again, with Kim out of the way, he'd probably never go to prison!

Never rescued? Was she going to spend the rest of her life... here... alone? She looked around the warehouse, her surroundings, as if everything had suddenly changed. This was her world. This was... ALL of her world... nothing else. No one else. This was it. Forever. She would die here.

No... no, by God, she would NOT die here! There must be something she could do! Some way to get back – assuming Shego was right about what had happened. For the first time, she studied the control console for the Rings. There were knobs and dials marked “Phase” and “iPhase”, “Quantum Bias”, “Loop Amps”, “rho-dP”, “phi-dP”, “dP/dr”... and a dozen others marked only by Greek letters and funny symbols. She would never figure this out without a manual... or instructions or...

Wait... She had manuals! Or maybe even better, she had access to all Drakken's notes! Everything was here! Or if not here, then at his not-so-secret Lair. She could probably find material-lists, construction notes... everything she'd need... nothing would be gone, nothing would be hidden, because Dr. Drakken wouldn't have been expecting her to look... YES!

The whole world was at her disposal! She could make another ring – she'd only need one, right? - and rescue herself!

It might take a little time to figure it all out, of course. Maybe... a year? At 16 years old, a year was forever to Kim, and surely that would be long enough. But she could be home in a year!

Filled with hope, Kim began opening drawers and stacking every piece of paper or electronic media she could find. She had a Plan. She would not despair. There was light at the end of the tunnel after all.

Shego did get her hot shower. In fact, she had all the comforts of home... central air, running water, lights, freezers fully-stocked, tons of food, a library, a video-theater, a barber-shop... a big red button with which to start World War III... but no windows. She'd holed up in Cheyenne Mountain Air Force Base, Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado.

Two thousand feet under the granite mountain, the base was a self-contained village. It had everything. And more importantly, everything worked! It's own generators, it's own water-supply, years worth of food, working toilets... for all that, she could do without the windows. There was nothing to see out there anyway. And no one to bother her in here.

She had it all, and all to herself. What could be better than that?

Chapter Text

It didn't take Kim long to figure out that it might be longer than a year before she would be able to build her own 'Transporter Ring'. Just glancing through Drakken's notes, she saw symbols everywhere with which she was completely unfamiliar. Things like large, angular capital 'E's, and one she dubbed “squiggly-line k”. There was some sort of lower-case cursive-looking 'd', and everywhere, large 'S's with sub-and-super scripts. Kim didn't even know what branch of mathematics she was looking at.

At first, she thought she wouldn't need to know. She found the engineering drawings at Drakken's lair the following day, but they too were covered by scribbled-on notes to the effect that certain dimensions – she guessed they referrred to dimensions – were to be determined by certain equations rather than just measured and cut.

Through what could only be called heroic effort, she tried not to let any of that dampen her enthusiasm for the project. It was her only hope, after all... she would do whatever it took to make it happen. She had time. She had... as long as it would take.

By the fourth day after Shego had left, her nose was buried in her own high school Algebra book. Twelve to eighteen hours a day, reading, working through the problems until she could tell she didn't need to work on any more, then going on to the next chapter. Kim Possible was going to do this right. That was what everyone would expect of her. So that was what she would do.

Four months – and one Analytical Trigonometry textbook later - she was starting Fundamentals of Calculus. It gave her heart that she was finally beginning to see at least some of those funny symbols in Drakken's notes. She read and worked on, living on canned beans and Spam, Vienna-sausages, Sno-Balls, and Slim-Jims.

Around her, the world had gone to hell.

Packs of dogs roamed downtown Middleton freely. Go City had burned to the ground, as had much of Los Angeles and the Eastern Seaboard Megalopolis. With nothing to stop the fires, they engulfed entire counties. The largest non-nuclear explosion on earth – from a chemical plant in Louisiana – had wiped Shreveport off the map in a fraction of a second.

In the absence of pesticides, the North American Locust, thought to be extinct, was re-emerging in the billions to eat the mid-west down to the roots. Oil-tankers adrift on the high seas gouged themselves on reefs, covering millions of acres of ocean with thin, deadly sheens of oil. Rabies made a comeback in North America, as did bubonic plague in Europe.

It was the beginning of the Earth's first Cycle of Cleansing, and like everything else, it would have to get worse before it got better.

“Kim?”

Kim jumped in her chair as if from an electric shock. Shego was back? After... how long had it been? She couldn't remember... in fact, she had no memory of the passage of time at all. “Shego?”

There was no answer, only stillness. Fully winter now, not even the sounds of insects broke the silence. “Shego?” she said again, louder.

She ran out of the warehouse, unsure from what direction, or how far away, the sound of her name had come. She looked and ran and looked and ran... She'd heard Shego speak her name! She knew she'd heard it!

But Shego was not there.

Two weeks later, she heard it again, much more distinctly, and repeated the drill, but still no Shego.

In January she heard “Kim, it's me” instead, and right behind her. Her heart skipped a beat. She knew by this time that Shego would not be there. She forced herself to remain seated, and read the same sentence in her Advanced Engineering Mathematics book over and over: “This can be proved by setting x = 0 over all values of R and taking the limit...”

Outside, by the door to the warehouse, two mangy cats kept watch for rats around a pile of empty cans eight feet high.

Shego stood outside the entrance to the 'Cave', as she called it, just staring at the hole in the rock. She pulled the hood of her parka tighter to keep the snow off her face. She couldn't go back in there. Not yet. She was going crazy in there...

At first, she used to “go outside” every day, just to get some fresh air, feel the sun, look at the scenery. Gradually, her visits “outside” had tapered off, and by today, well, she couldn't remember the last time she'd set foot outside. In fact, it had been seven weeks. Seven weeks of mind-crushing boredom, trapped there with only her thoughts, memories, and movies she'd already seen too many times. She'd tried to read some of the books, but didn't have the concentration for it anymore, which saddened her, and that was really the last thing she needed – another reason to feel sad.

She would just stay outside a little longer.

The Most Dangerous Woman in the World – even back when she'd been in the World – and all she could do was feel sorry for herself. Ace pilot, extreme martial-artist, plasma-spewing Villainess, not to mention Stone Cold Fox – and for what? For who? Who was going to be impressed now? What could she steal? Who could she piss-off? Who would be eating their heats out over her? No one. No one at all. Ah, but she'd discovered a new skill, latent in her mind, hadn't she?... yeah. Shego could obsessively dwell on the past better than anyone on earth. Back when there had been others on the earth. She had regrets with a capital 'R'. and they haunted her endlessly.

Hego, her big brother, for one. The big, stupid, naïve... hero. Yeah, he was a hero now, adored and appreciated by millions. Leader of Team Go. Saver of the World. He just sucked all that right up, didn't he... He lived for that, didn't he... Idiot. She'd once been a part of Team Go, although it was against her better judgment. The way Hego idolized their father had just been more than Shego could take.

She knew things about him that her brother didn't. Things she couldn't tell him either. Besides, he'd never believe her. Hell, he was jealous of her because their father had always called her – and treated her as – 'Daddy's little girl'. If her brother knew what that meant... Well, nevermind that. Hego had given the survivors of the family their names: Hego, Shego, Mego, and the Wego twins. Gawd, the stupid.... I mean, “Hego”... Doy! How did I EVER let him talk me into using those names? GOD I must have been as dumb then as he is now!

Lots of regrets. Lots of things she should have done, should have said... And would have done, would have said only – only now it was too late. Well, fuck... it was too late back in The World, too... it was “too late” as soon as that comet came and killed Dad. The comet that made us what we are today. If it weren't for the god-damned comet...

I wouldn't be here now. God-DAMNED comet!

It's too cold to stay out here. I'll come back out next spring. Like a rat... she thought.

In fact, she didn't make it back out until early the next summer. By that time she had to force herself out. She didn't want to go, but she knew that if she didn't, she would die in there. Oh, die comfortably enough, sure... all the comforts of home! But she'd made up her mind – it took two months to build up the nerve – that Cheyenne Mountain was not going to be her “home”, let alone her tomb. And if she didn't leave, and leave NOW, it would – surely - become her tomb.

Eventually. As good as, anyway. Not that anyone would ever know it. Or care.

She marched herself straight ahead down the third-of-a-mile long entrance tunnel, watching the daylight at the end grow larger ever so slowly. It took mental effort borne of desperation to keep her mind still enough to take each step; when every fiber of her being wanted to go back into that cave, pop in a movie, nuke a bag of popcorn, and vegetate the rest of her life away. Would that be so bad? That's what she tried not to think about. Because... because no... it wouldn't be so bad. Under the circumstances, it was about as good as any other option. So she tried not to think at all, rather than think about that.

She walked out of the entry tunnel, squinting her eyes against the awful sun.

She went to the Humvee she'd used last year, the keys were still in it. Of course they were still in it... what a dumb thing to be surprised by now. After some grumbling and choking, it started, and Shego let it warm up for awhile until the engine finally smoothed out. Then she drove down the mountain for the last time.

Driving... the serene calm of driving. Just enough stimulus to require attention, but not enough to be burdensome. She drove on, completely uninterested in where she was going. What did it matter?

By that night she found herself in Colorado Springs. She spent the night in the back of her Humvee. Tomorrow maybe she'd explore the place. The thought was ever so slightly exciting – which to her, made the idea seem like Christmas Eve to a six-year-old: it had been awhile since she'd felt anything like “excitement”. She slept better that night than she had in months.

First stop next morning – Winn-Dixie. By now, the smell of rotted meat had pretty much gone, and she could browse the store without gagging as she had last year. Everything un-touched, and if only the lights would work, it might have been oddly comforting. They didn't, of course, so Shego grabbed herself a cart and loaded up on cases of bottled water, protein-bars, canned meat, and pasta. She threw in a pot to cook it in, too.

Which put her in Survivalist Mode thinking: a raincoat, knives, a bigger pot, gloves, lighters, a couple of flashlights and a lot of batteries. She picked a battery-powered radio/flashlight off the shelf absent-mindedly, read the advertising on it as any shopper might... then suddenly scowled and threw it down the aisle, sending a plasma-ball after it to destroy the damn thing. Radio. Fat lot of good a radio would do her...

The plasma-ball blew it up like a grenade.

Shego began to feel better. That was fun... satisfying, even.

Next stop – Army/Navy store. Yeah, lots of good stuff in there. She actually began to enjoy herself. She'd thought she'd forgotten how.

Hey, porn! Cool... in the Cave, all she'd found were a few (and certainly fewer than she'd have thought she'd find) girlie magazines, and that didn't do her much good. They wouldn't have any porn for women, of course – she never understood why, but for some reason, there just wasn't much for women to choose from in porn – but they'd probably have some magazines for gay men, and that would be good enough... Maybe 'Blueboy' or something...

That's when she saw it: 'Barely Legal', with a cover that showed some under-age looking model dressed up as a pre-teen schoolgirl, and posing suggestively. That, finally, is what set Shego off.

She torched the magazine stand with her plasma.

Then she ran outside and torched the whole building. Then she turned around and torched the bar on the other side of the street. Then she walked down the street torching everything.

Fuck Bank of America! Fuck Traveler's Insurance! Fuck Phoenix University! Fuck Starbuck's! Fuck B.Dalton's! The list went on as she walked, throwing plasma left and right. She knocked down street-lights with her energy-field encased fists. She just wanted to blow it up – to blow it all up. It was about all she could do about the past, because there was no future, so “Fuck the Public Library!” she yelled out loud, throwing a fireball at it, “and MOST of all – FUCK Hego and FUCK YOU DAD!!” she finally screamed, breathless and drained. She fell to her knees in the middle of the street, buildings ablaze all around.

She was so good at destruction. It was her true calling.

The blazes – five city blocks were now in flames – created their own vortex of wind, sucking air from below and billowing smoke from the top. Shego felt the cool wind pick up, not realizing why. Buildings she hadn't torched began bursting, exploding into flame. Shego had started a firestorm. A force of nature, the fire now had enough power to feed itself, without any help from her. All of Colorado Springs was going to go up within the next half hour.

And Shego was right in the middle of it.

She looked up when she heard the first skyscraper begin to fall, it's steel skeleton softened from the intensity of the heat. It was two blocks behind her, but there were more. And the fire was in front of her as well.

Shit!

Forward was at least better than backward. Out of shape from a year of atrophy, she began to run as best she could. It seemed obvious, somehow, to go against the wind that was now roaring down the streets. So, her direction had been chosen for her. What else did Nature have in store?

Rain, is what. The intensity of the heat from the firestorm's core carried the smoke all the way into the upper atmosphere, melting the ice crystals, creating an artificial thunderhead. It rained black. Not enough to put out the fire – not enough to even slow it down. The rain would evaporate long before it could do that. But enough to drench Shego in acidic, black, wet ash, blowing in her face, stinging her eyes. She ran on.

The interstate! Ahead, half a mile – maybe a quarter, she couldn't be sure – I-40 cut through the edge of the city. The fire wouldn't be able to cross a 12-lane highway, surely... if she could just get to it...

The rain fell into her open mouth as she gasped for air, tasting sharp and acrid. She tried to wipe it off her face with a black, greasy arm, to no avail. Her eyes burned just like the fires she'd started. Her diaphragm ached from the unaccustomed use and she ran bent over, holding on to her stomach, but still she ran. Her legs felt like jelly – any moment she was going to fall on the asphalt and if she did... she doubted if she would be able to get up again. Not for awhile. Not until she caught her breath. No time. The interstate... now a block away, the buildings next to it already engulfed in twisting, all-consuming fire.

A block away.

By the time she got under the shelter of the elevated highway, she simply collapsed, while the fire burned on. She lay there, cheek to the road, barely able to keep her eyes squinted open for the pain of the ash-laden rain, and watched it. This was her doing. What she was seeing had come from her... an expression of her, a reflection of her, her child. Her baby. And yes, in a way, she loved the fire. They had a lot in common.

Then she heard a horrible sound, like a low-pitched scream. Not a human sound, that much was obvious. Maybe it was just a trick of the wind... or the fire. No, there it was again... There! Coming down the street! A figure bathed in flame... a figure with four legs...

The bear was on fire from head to tail. Perhaps it had been inside a building when the fire got to it, or perhaps it had run through the fire - who could know, but whatever the case, the bear was on fire and in pain. It stumbled blindly down the street in front of her, fifty yards away, meandering from one side to the other, turning only when it ran into something. Wailing all the while.

Shego watched as it finally collapsed on the sidewalk, unable to go any further, and still it wiggled and burned.

A bear.

Shego had done this. Her baby. Her self.

She finally closed her eyes and passed out.

Chapter Text

“Kim?”

Kim gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, but otherwise made no sign of having heard.

“Kim... It's me...”

Still the red-head didn't move. She was not going to fall for this. Not this time. Sure, it sounded real – it always sounded real... But she knew it wasn't. She would not go down that path again. She would resist the... insanity. She would not give in to it! Just please, God... if I'm going to go crazy, don't let me know it... that's all... just don't let me know it...

“Are... are you okay?”

How interesting, Kim thought, my crazy brain is asking me if I'm 'okay'. Do all crazy people go through this? Because it really sucks. I think I hate being crazy... it always sounded like such fun, too...

With Kim still frozen in front of her, Shego looked around in astonishment. No, Kim obviously wasn't 'okay'. First of all, she could smell the girl from ten feet away – she reeked of various body-odors, all of them obviously old. The room also stank of rotted food. And the papers – some yellowed with age – pinned on every available vertical surface with nails, magnets, tape, or sometimes just skewered on drawer-handles, folded over lamp-shades... everywhere. The floor was strewn with books, most of them open. In one spot, it looked as if Kim had made a nest of crumpled paper and slept in it on the floor. Half-empty water-bottles sat everywhere by the hundreds, and if the pile of cans outside had been nauseating, the pile of snack-food wrappers next to Kim's desk was worse - as she looked, a mouse scampered through it.

In a moment, Shego continued haltingly, “I'm back, Kim. I... I've had some... bad times, too. Are you going to talk to me? Do you-”

“SHUT-UP!!” Kim cried, her hands flying to cover her ears, but still not looking around.

“Kim, I-”

“SHUT-UP SHUT-UP SHUT-UP!!!!”, she screamed, “You're not real! I'm not doing this! I'm not falling for this! GO AWAY!!”

“I...” Shego stammered, unsure how to handle this, “... I'm real, Kim. I know how you feel... Turn around. I'm here... I came back.”

Kim lowered her hands from her ears but still didn't look around. Instead, she appeared to resume working on her math problem. Shego walked around in front of the desk.

“I'm here, Kim. See? You're... you're not crazy. Well, any crazier than I am, anyway.” She tried to sound reassuring – not exactly a tone she was familiar with - “I... I think we're going to have to -” She stopped, seeing the other girl finally look up at her.

“Shego?” Kim whispered, still not knowing whether to believe Shego was really there or not. Perhaps her insanity had merely reached a new phase.

Moving back to the side of Kim's desk, Shego said, “Yeah. It's me. You're not crazy...”

Kim put out a hand against her former enemy's belly, pushing on it through the black teeshirt. It felt like a person... She stood up, and dared to really look at Shego for the first time.

Shego's hair was cut short now. Not so much 'cut', really, as hacked off as by a hatchet, it seemed. Her always pale-green skin was even paler now, more grey-green than her usual 'greenish'. Her eyes looked like they'd receded, her face looked... unhealthy.

“Shego... you look like hell..”

That was the Kim Shego knew, “You're one to talk, Princess.”

To Shego's great surprise, Kim threw her arms around her and squeezed tightly. It wasn't so much that Kim was happy to see Shego again. It was just that she was happy that it was in fact Shego. She wasn't crazy, after all. Not any more.

“Uh... Kim...” Shego said after what to her seemed like an appropriate amount of time: two seconds, “Uhm... you're really weirding me out here... And besides that, you're filthy. And you smell bad.” She waited for Kim to react to the insult, but it never came. “Kim?” Still the younger girl held on – the solidity of Shego's body made Kim's 'bad times' seem to fade as if into a dream. This was real. Shego was real. It was over... Wait -

Kim backed off enough to look her in the face again, “You're staying, right?”

Of course she was staying... but she couldn't very well just say that – that would sound vulnerable. That would sound... icky. She'd have to say it snidely, somehow...

“I guess I'd...” better, she finished in her head.Wait, she could do better than that... Someone's gotta look out for you. How about - Doy! Or If you want. Kinna girly... maybe Might as well. Shego had the upper hand here – Kim seemed to need her more than she needed Kim. But “seemed” was the pivotal word there – she knew it wasn't so. Shego knew what life would be like without someone else around. And among other things, it would probably be... short.

“Yeah, Kim. I'm staying.”

Kim dove back into the bear-hug, and this time, Shego wasn't “weirded out” at all, and returned it.

Kim told Shego what she'd been doing, leaving out the part about the voices, and “not bothering” to tell her that she'd been doing it eighteen to twenty hours a day. Likewise, Shego told Kim all about the wonders of Cheyenne Mountain – leaving out the part about spending an entire year as a couch-potato, and “not bothering” her with details about the fate of Colorado Springs.

“So you drove here? Like, in a car? What happened to the hovercraft? And what about your jet? I don't think I've ever seen you in a car...” Kim said. The woman in front of her didn't look, speak, or act like the Shego she'd known.

“Things that fly need a lot of maintenance, Princess. And parts. I don't do maintenance, and even if I did, I don't have parts. Look at it this way – if your car breaks down, you walk. If your plane breaks down, you die. So yeah, I took a car. But listen – you're serious about building another Transporter Ring? You're actually trying to learn the math to do it? By yourself?”

“Well, I don't have to invent one you know – I have all Drakken's notes and plans and everything... but I have no idea what it all means. He didn't exactly leave a 'Dimensional Transport for Complete Idiots' book behind. I need to understand how it all works... I'm up to Differential Equations – so I understand some of the symbols – but his notes are still like Greek to me.” Kim sighed with a note of dejection, “It might take... a long time...”

“That's...” Shego searched for the word, amazed by Kim's... grasp of the situation and dedication to a solution, “That's incredible. You think you can really do it?” This wasn't the Kim that Shego knew, either. Kim seemed to have grown up a lot in the last year. She seemed less like Mary Poppins now and more like a junior Dr. Sculley.

“Well... about all we've got is time, Shego. What else am I going to do? What have you been doing?”

Shego turned her head, suddenly overcome with a taste of the shame that had saturated her in the Cave. “Wasting my time, Pumpkin. Doing nothing. For months and months and months...”

Kim sensed that she didn't want to talk about it, and tried to find a way to change the subject: “Hey, let's get something to eat, huh? What's your preference: Spam or Vienna Sausage?”

“Uh...” oh god no... never again. Doy! Is that what she's been living on? “Tell ya what, I'll make dinner – you go get cleaned up, right? You... uh... Kim – there's not even a bathtub in this warehouse, is there...”

Suddenly aware of her condition, it was now Kim's turn to feel ashamed, “Uhm... I sometimes use the shower in a farmhouse down in the valley there” she pointed in a direction away from Middleton, “They get their water from a well, and I have a generator truck parked there, so...”

“Hot water?”

“Yeah.”

“Soap?”

“Yeah...”

“Sounds great! So... why have you been living up here?” Shego asked before it occurred to her how rude the question was. She wished she hadn't said it.

Kim stammered in response, “Oh... well... all my work... notes an' stuff...”

“Princess? Pack your things. We're moving.”

Having someone tell her what to do felt... kind of good, actually. “I'll come back for it, Shego.” Kim said smiling. Like waking from a nightmare, her troubles were just melting away with every word Shego spoke.

“Up to you. Let's go then.” Shego was also smiling, although she was trying to hide it. She hadn't known – and still didn't know – how much she'd needed someone to take care of. It was a completely new experience for her. All she knew was that for the first time in a year, she felt excited about the future. Even here.

The farmhouse was at least a little cleaner, and significantly more orderly - probably because Kim hadn't used the place much. Shego was impressed that Kim had thought to bring a generator truck to the place, and figured out how to hook it up. What Kim hadn't thought of, Shego soon found out, was bringing a fuel-truck to feed it. The generator's fuel tank was almost down to the 'E'.

Well, something to do tomorrow, then. Shego realized with a start that she was looking forward to it.

“You go get cleaned up. I'll make some dinner” she told Kim, uncomfortably aware that it sounded like a “nice thing to do”. “If I were you, I'd take a bath and then a shower...” There, that ought to fix it.

The subtle insult didn't escape Kim's attention, but she let it go. She couldn't remember the last time she'd bathed. “You... you can cook? I tried...” Kim nodded sheepishly at the stove, on which something aluminum had melted into a puddle on a burner, it's handle still sticking out absurdly, “but... well...”

“You – you melted a saucepan? Gawd, Pumpkin... no wonder you've been living off Spam!” Shego actually began to giggle, to Kim's embarrassment.

“Uhm... I'm gonna go take a shower now...”

“You do that, Princess. And don't forget behind your ears!” Shego said, still giggling.

That night, it was Kim's turn to sleep better than she had in a year.

The next day, they went back to the warehouse so Kim could gather her notes, books, and papers. While she was doing that, Shego tried to clean up the place. She was funny that way. Even in the depths of her Cave depression, she at least kept the place picked up. It was a small – very small – point of pride, but at least it was something.

“Shego...” Kim said guiltily, “I'll get that... you don't have to-”

“Don't worry about it Princess” Shego said curtly, still throwing plastic bottles into a trash bag.

But Kim couldn't help it, “No... really... I know I-”

“Kim?”

“Uh... yeah?”

Shego only glared at her.

“Fine” Kim said, trying to put some sarcasm into her voice. It didn't occur to her that for Shego, being 'helpful' might feel the same as being 'weak'. That equation was not part of Kim's character, and she wouldn't have understood it anyway. But neither was sarcasm, and she was immediately sorry she'd said it that way. “It's just that you're making me feel guilty, is all.”

“You should feel guilty. You've been living like a pig here...”

That remark hit home – Shego didn't need to get nasty about it, “Well, at least I'm trying to get us out of here, y'know! Maybe I did get a little... obsessed, but that's no reason to-”

“Kim?” Shego said again.

Already close to the edge, all Kim needed was one more smart remark, and the gloves would come off. I've been working my ASS off here, and all she can say is -

“Don't you think I know that?” Shego put down her trash bag, “Don't you think maybe I feel a little guilty about that? Now shut up and get your shit together. We have to find a fuel truck on the way home, and we both need to pick up some more clothes – we have a lot to do.”

Kim deflated like a balloon. No, she hadn't thought about that. But still, wasn't the “pig” comment just mean? Wasn't that just typical of Shego? Then again, was admitting guilt typical of Shego? Kim shook her head as if to clear the cobwebs. What the hell was “typical of Shego”, now? She didn't know. Last night, she had made dinner – a nice thing to do – and then sat and ate it in near-silence while gruffly putting down Kim's attempts at small-talk – just as Kim would expect her to do. What the hell was going on?

Which was pretty much exactly what Shego was wondering too. The goody-two-shoes teenage cheerleader – Shego loathed the whole stigma of 'cheerleader' – was doing something serious about getting them out of there. Had been doing so for a whole year. Shego still couldn't get over it... the whole idea of learning Physics, or Math, or whatever it was she'd need to know, from the ground up... it would take years... and Kim was aware of that, and still she was doing it. Shego wouldn't have even tried. It wouldn't even have occurred to Shego to try. Kim Possible, her arch-nemesis, was her only hope. How weird was that?It was... sort of infuriating... And at the same time, it was a Damn Good Thing that Kim was who and what she was. Really, for a white-hat and all, she wasn't so bad. A little... well, “Disney”, maybe... but not so bad.

“Okay, I got everything, you ready to go?” Kim's question broke Shego out of her reverie.

“Uh, yeah” she replied, “And Kim? Sorry about the 'pig' thing...”

“No big,” Kim said, but thought Shego... apologizing? SO big!

By that winter, their lives had settled into a routine: Kim's job was to study and help Shego whenever the older girl needed it, Shego's job was to take care of everything else. It was a fair exchange, and Shego actually had the better part of the deal; there wasn't really all that much to take care of.

“Get dressed Pumpkin! Time to run! I'll meet you by the barn!” Shego yelled from the kitchen, already changing into her snow-boots and sweater. She needed to check a few things outside while Kim dressed.

Kim appeared at the door of her office, “Shego... there's a foot of snow out there! We can't run in this weather!”

“Good for ya. C'mon.”

“Can't we just do calisthenics or something? Why don't you go get a treadmill somewhere and -”

“Because you need to get out of the house, Kimmie, and if I don't make you, you won't. Now don't start with this again, we've been through it how many times? 'Shego, it's raining', 'Shego, it's cold', 'Shego, I don't feel like it'... Get dressed.” She knew the dangers of letting things slide because they were 'inconvenient' at the time. Oh yeah, Shego knew all about that.

“Hey!” Kim said excitedly, getting an idea, “Why don't we fight instead? I don't know about you, but I'm seriously out of practice...”

Shego stopped lacing up her boots. Fight? She'd forgotten all about fighting. She'd forgotten all about martial-arts, period. What with everything to do... well, okay, most of it had already been done, true... and she was getting a little bored, lately. Nothing like she had been at the cave, of course. But... fight? Fight Kim Possible?

Getting impatient for an answer in her excitement for the idea, Kim said, “Shego? What about it?” and with somewhat child-like sarcasm, “Not... scared, are ya...”

That did it. “Barn in ten minutes, Princess. I gotta go check some things first.”

The barn was empty, silent, and most of all cold. But at least it was dry. They stretched and warmed up in silence – each girl had her own methods of preparation, although they had both borrowed ideas from the other over the last six months.

Kim was dressed in her usual black sweater and cargo-pants. Except for being a little taller and perhaps fuller in the bosom, she really didn't look that much different from two and a half years ago when they first been trapped in this universe. Shego had also adopted the same manner of dress, although she preferred her cargo-pants black and her sweater green, of course. They faced each other.

Shego lit up her plasma for the fight.

At which Kim's forehead furrowed, “What are you doing?”

“Getting ready to fight. Whaddaya mean?”

“Ok, look. We're going to have to have some rules here, Shego. And first rule: no lighting up.”

Shego stood up straight, “What's the use of practicing if we're not going to make it real? It doesn't do me much good to practice if I don't use the glow, Kimmie.”

“Yeah, I get that, but – so what are you going to do, Shego? Let's say you get lucky and burn me for a change. Are you going to take me to the hospital? To see a doctor? Can't you just practice without...” Kim paused. Was this Shego's idea of fun? “... maybe this wasn't such a good idea...”

“No, maybe it wasn't” Shego replied snidely, out of old habit, and regretting it before she could stop herself. Shego had been looking forward to this more than she'd let on, and was more than a little disappointed that it might not happen. But... her glow was... part of how she fought. What possible use was it to 'practice' without using the glow? Besides, she'd never seriously injured Kim before with it, though God knows she'd tried... On the other hand, if she were to get lucky... and the glow was deadly, after all... Kim had a point. What WOULD she do?

In fact, they dared not really try to hurt each other. Although it wouldn't be as much of a crisis for Shego – her comet-glow also healed her injuries tens of times faster than normal – but if she were to seriously hurt Kim... then what?

“Okay Princess – you've got a point. No glow. And we pull our punches. Alright? Maybe we can at least get a little something out of this...”

Kim brightened – Shego could be okay, sometimes. Well, maybe even most of the time... “One more thing...”

Shego sighed, “What now?”

“I don't like it when you call me 'Princess'”.

Doy! Why do you think I do it?! Shego thought. “Oh, but you like 'Pumpkin' and 'Kimmie' okay, do ya?”

Kim smiled and resumed her fighting stance, “Yeah. Kind of... I do.”

Shego blinked twice – she'd have to think about that later - and then the fight was on.

Next Fall – 2.5 years in the New World.

“Ow! Damn, Shego!”

“Sorry 'bout that... I tried to pull it but I was expecting you to – look, we've been over this! When I come out of the chibata with my back to you, you've got to be on the look-out for-”

“I know I know... 'beware the elbow capoeria'. It's just... blocking it is...”

“Ungraceful?”

“Well... yeah. It's just not smooth, y'know?”

“I know, but look at it this way – you be graceful, I get the hit. That a trade-off you really want to make?”

“I guess not. Heh, it's going to feel funny fighting you for real, once we get back...” Kim wished she hadn't said that.

Shego sighed, “Yeah. Well... one thing at a time, huh? I'm not sure I'd... uhm...”

Thinking quickly, Kim got them back on track, “Okay, so you're back's to me, and I'm just coming off a double-leg 540...” she assumed her position, “like so, right?”

Shego looked into Kim's green eyes almost long enough to make her feel uncomfortable before turning around and assuming her freeze-frame position. “Right. On three. One, two..” The action went on non-stop for another half an hour.

That night, while Kim studied as usual, Shego made her rounds – generator, pump-house, flip on the lights in the green-house, make sure the gate to the chicken-coop was shut and all the chickens were inside... She wrapped her arms around herself. It was a chilly night, winter was just around the corner. Again.

One thing about having the planet to yourself – the night sky was incredible. No light-pollution at all. No pollution of any kind, for that matter. The sky was a solid, un-twinkling blanket of stars against black velvet. And hey! A shooting-star flashed by, Shego caught it out of the corner of her eye. Cool! And another! Wow, what are the odds – another! Although meteors were a bit like comets – and Shego hated comets passionately – the yellow streaks in the glittery black sky were too beautiful not to love.

She pounded on the outside of Kim's office window, “Kim! You gotta come outside! You gotta see this! I think it's a meteor shower or something!”

It was exactly that – the Perseids, to be precise, coming from the direction of Orion, as usual. The two girls laid on their backs in the still-dead grass and watched it. Shego noticed that Kim was sighing pretty much constantly.

Quietly, she said, “Something on your mind, Pumpkin?”

Kim sighed again. “I saw something like this once before. I was probably... oh, nine years old. Me and Ron were at the lake with our 'rents, and we just started seeing them, just like this, and we laid down on a picnic table to watch...” she trailed off, sighing again.

“You... uh, you miss the – you miss Ron, don'tcha...” Good catch, Shego... she probably hated it when I used to call him “the buffoon” all the time.

“Yeah. It just occurred to me – I hadn't thought about it before just now – he's graduated high school. Probably on his first year of college... or cooking-school.... He always wanted to go to some cooking-school in New York City.”

“Ron cooked?” Shego asked incredulously. This was news to her.

“Oh, yeah! Really good at it too. I always thought it was kind of... stupid of him, wanting to be a chef. Now...” again, Kim trailed off.

“Now what?” Shego prodded gently.

“Now... now I guess I know what it's like to have a dream. He always wanted to be a chef, and I hope he's doing something about it.”

This was getting maudlin. Time to change the subject - “And what did you want to be?”

Kim thought about it. Good question – she knew what everyone else wanted her to be, but she'd never asked herself what she wanted. And neither had anyone else - until Shego, just now. “Oh... I don't know...”

“Yes you do. C'mon. I promise not to laugh.”

Kim turned her head to look at her to find Shego already turned and looking back. Kim had expected to find a smirk on Shego's mouth – but it wasn't there. Then Kim realized, she hadn't actually heard the other girl say anything sarcastic in... a long time. Okay then...

“I wanted to be a mother, mostly. I wanted to marry Ron and live in a split-level ranch house in the suburbs. I wanted to have two-point-five kids and three-quarters of a dog. Half a cat. I wanted to be an Average American Mom, is what I wanted. And maybe fly airplanes. I suppose that all sounds silly, to you.”

“Not as much as you probably think, Pumpkin.” Now Shego sighed.

“Shego? Are you... uhm... gay?”

That was out of the blue! Shego giggled, “Gawd, Kimmie, where did that come from? No. No, I'm not. Jesus!” The giggles became chuckles.

Kim had to smile too, “Well, y'know, I've never seen or heard about you with any guys... and you keep calling me 'Pumpkin', and... and the way you used to tease me when we fought, back in the World...”

Snorts began to erupt from Shego, “Kimmie! That was just to piss you off!” Her laughter died down as more serious thoughts came to the forefront of Shego's mind, “And besides, I did too see someone. Not that I was thinking 'kids' or anything, but yeah, there was someone I... well, could have trained, anyway.”

“Yeah? Who? Anyone I know?” Kim's curiosity was peaked.

“Uhm... okay – you promise not to laugh?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“Uh-huh. I bet. Senor Senior, Junior.”

It was a little funny. “SSJ? Seriously?”

“Like I said, I could have trained him. Frankly, I think he just needed a little ass-kicking to get his butt in gear, is all. And... well, he was hot. And, y'know... pretty good in bed, too.”

Now Kim did giggle, “You and SSJ? In bed?”

“Yeah, pretty funny, huh? I didn't laugh at you and Ron, if you remember...”

“Oh, I never... uh...”

“You never?”

“Uh... no...”

Sensing the Kim's discomfort, Shego decided to give her a break. Even if it was usually fun to embarrass the poor girl, she wouldn't be able to see Kim's trademark blush in the dark anyway. “Know who I REALLY liked?” Shego continued.

“Who?”

“His dad.”

“Triple-S?”

“Oh, GAWD yes. There was a man with everything – money, class, confidence, a sense of fun... I swear, I would've paid to be his mistress! But... y'know... the age thing... maybe I could have made Junior more like him, in time. I damn sure would've tried, anyway.”

All this talk in past-tense was kind of killing the fun. After a few moments, Kim said, “We'll get back, Shego. I'm working as hard as I can...”

“I know. Sometimes, I think you're working too hard, actually. Maybe you should... take a vacation, sometime. Or something.”

“I'd like to... I'd really like to... but... I figured you'd hold it against me if I didn't... I mean, if it took too long...”

“Kim – I'm amazed that you've done what you've done so far. If you stopped right now, you'd have already done more than I ever would have. I don't have any right to expect anything from you. But I appreciate it. Okay?”

That caught Kim off-guard as much as Shego had been earlier. Apparently, Kim was going to have to re-evaluate everything she thought of her previous arch-nemesis. “Okay. Maybe we can go somewhere next spring or something.”

“Yeah. I wouldn't mind getting out of here for awhile myself.”

They watched the shooting stars for another hour in silence, absorbed by their own thoughts.

Chapter Text

Kim's “vacation” consisted of a trip to the University of Colorado campus – at Colorado Springs. She'd found some correspondence from a professor there in Drakken's notes, so it seemed like as good a place as any. Maybe she'd find something useful in the professor's office, or at the very least pick up some direction for her studies. Kim had exhausted what the Middleton Community College had to offer in the way of Math and Physics. Almost at the age of twenty, she was ready for 300-level courses – a college Junior.

Luckily, the campus was nowhere near downtown, but they still had to drive the Humvee past the burned out center of the city, and Kim gawked at the fire's destruction. Shego said nothing. She dropped Kim off at the campus – Kim would have to find her own way around – and went scouting for food in the suburbs. The suburbs were good for foraging because the backyards were usually fenced all the way around, and backyard gardeners would often have perennial vegetables and sometimes even fruit trees. Being only late spring, there wouldn't be any fruit yet – but there might be onions or something.

Meanwhile, Kim searched through the campus for the office of Dr. Arahajeshamahturatha. Shouldn't be too hard to find that name in the directory...

In two hours (it took her one of those to realize that the name had been shortened to just “Arah”) she was in his office – and it was a goldmine! Bookshelves full of books she knew she'd need – Vibrations and Waves , Fundamentals of Chaos Theory , Numerical Methods for Engineers , and Aesthetics of Beauty and Art - w ell, she could probably do without that one. Besides, it had the ugliest dust-jacket she'd ever seen – a scattering of pink symbols on a dark grey background. Maybe it was some kind of joke or something. Boxes... I need boxes...

She found them in the mail room, and began the process of moving the Dr.'s office down three flights of stairs to the curb where Shego would pick her up. On her fifth trip down, she heard the Humvee's horn. What, is she in a hurry? You could offer to HELP, y'know... she thought, mildly annoyed. Her arms full of boxes, Kim used her back to open the front door.

“KIM! Get back in there!” she heard Shego scream.

Kim did as she was told without hesitation or thought. Something in Shego's voice told her this wasn't the time to ask questions. She dropped the boxes on the floor and peered out the thick antique glass in the wooden door.

All she could see was tell-tale flashes of bright green – Shego had her plasma on. And she was getting closer, apparently throwing fistfuls of it behind her and to either side as she ran. When she got to the steps leading to the door, she yelled “Kim! Open the door! And get ready to close it when I'm in!”

Kim did exactly that.

“Wh – what's going on Shego?” she asked as the other girl stood - plasma at the ready – facing the doors from the inside.

“Dogs. Dozens of wild dogs. I think some of them are rabid, too. Dozens of them Kim!” she said between pants, “Are there any open doors they can get in? Windows? We're in a bad spot here Kimmie. A really bad spot!”

“As far as I know, there's no other way in except the back door right there” she pointed to the other set of doors in the long but narrow building, right behind them. Also made of heavy wood and thick antique glass, the doors were shut.

“Okay. Good. We really need some guns... I don't suppose you found any guns?” Shego asked without looking away from the front doors she was still facing.

“Guns? In a University office building? I don't think so, Shego... Besides, can't you use your plasma to -”

“Yeah, that's what I thought. But they're goddamn smart Kim! I got a few, then they learned to stay out of range and get the hell away when they saw a ball coming. The plasma-balls are too slow! We need guns!” Shego was obviously near a state of panic.

Kim tried to calm her down by stepping directly into her line of sight and looking into her surprisingly frightened eyes. Shego frightened? That was a new thing for Kim... she put her hands on the other girl's shoulders, careful to stay away from her energized hands “It's okay, Shego... they can't get us in here. We'll be okay in here...”

Shego looked into those eyes. Kim was calm. Kim was confident. Kim was cool. Slowly, Shego's mind began to calm. She cut the plasma and lowered her arms.

“Yeah... yeah. It... they were everywhere, Kim... Every time I'd turn around there'd be one behind me, charging. They're god damned smart! The plasma is too slow! It's... you're sure they can't get in? They're probably all rabid... one bite and we die, Kim. You know that? Eventually, I mean. I saw a movie once where -”

Kim pulled Shego into a hug, “ Nothing's going to bite us. Calm down, Shego... We'll get out of this. It'll be okay...”

Shego hesitated, and then finally, with a sigh, let herself be comforted. That was a new thing, too, just as having been frightened had been. Shego had never confronted a situation like that where her comet-powers were useless.

After a moment, Shego broke the embrace, and looked back into Kim's eyes as if trying to figure out whether or not she should feel ashamed, embarrassed, or angry. Kim held the stare while Shego's eyes flitted back and forth. Kim thought, If I say the wrong word right now – or even the right words with the wrong tone – she's going to hate me for a really, really long time. What do I say? I can't think of -

“Thanks, Kim” Shego said, surprising her, “I... I needed that.”

“Uh.. no big.” Kim paused to collect her thoughts, “So... think we should just spend the night here? Think they'll go away by morning? I hope it doesn't rain on the stuff I put out there...”

“Find something good, did ya?” Shego was back on track now, her new-old self. But what had happened during Kim's hug – though never spoken of again – would never be forgotten, by either of them.

“Oh, yeah! This Dr. Arah – he was really into time and quantum mechanics and gravity and stuff... I'm basically taking his whole office! There's enough stuff in there to keep me busy for...” What? Years? Decades? Just how long was this going to take? Kim's excitement died then and there. “... for a long time. But it's exactly what I was looking for, at least. I mean, if nothing else, I can get leads from his notes and books and stuff to figure out what I need to know next...”

Shego put her hands on her hips, “Okay, then we'll take it all. Whatever you need.” She looked at the boxes of books and papers on the floor where Kim had dropped them, and began picking them up and stacking them by the door. Kim watched with her mouth hanging open. Once she'd finished, Shego dusted off her hands, stretched her back, and said with workman-like demeanor, “So, whaddaya want me to do?”

By next morning the dogs had apparently gone, but Shego made a quick sweep of the campus courtyard anyway – she didn't want to be taken by surprise. After they'd stuffed the truck to the roof with boxes, and finally got in and shut the doors, they both took a moment to breathe a much-needed sigh of relief.

“Ready to go back home?” Kim asked, excited about the prospect of un-canned food for a change. Shego had become quite handy in the kitchen in the last two years, although Kim still liked to make fun of her for bringing water to a boil by sticking her hand into the pot and using her plasma.

“One stop first, Pumpkin. There's a big pawn-shop-looking place I remember passing while I was out foraging... they'll probably have guns in there” Shego replied, starting the engine. She drove towards the lane of strip-malls she'd seen the day before.

Kim was a little uneasy at the thought of guns. Guns were not her thing. Skill and cunning and split-second decisions were her thing... Guns were... guns were just ugly. “Shego... do we really need guns? They're so awful! And besides, I mean, you've got your plasma, and I... well, I've got you...”

Smirking inwardly, Shego thought, Super-hero cheerleader doesn't like guns... too crude for her, are they? Doy! I'd have given my right ARM for a pistol when those dogs... Does she really think I'll be around whenever she needs me to be? Like I'm her – oh, that does it!

“You've got me? You mean like, 'I've got your back'? I'm not your sidekick Kim! I'm not gonna follow you around like Ron did in case you need me!”

Kim looked down suddenly ashamed, “You didn't have to say it like that...”

“Look, you need some kind of long-range protection, Kim! Hell, I do too! When those -”

“Okay, Shego” Kim cut her off, “Okay. You have a point. It's just – did you have to put it like that?”

As her anger abated, Shego realized she'd touched a nerve. Looking at her carefully, she saw that Kim's eyes were wet – she was going to cry any minute now. Shego hadn't really meant for her to take it that personally...

“Yeah. Okay, no, I probably shouldn't have said... I didn't have to say it like that. I'm sorry. Alright?”

Kim sniffed.

“I said I was sorry...” Shego tried again. What was Kim so upset about?

“I know. It's not you Shego... I was just thinking about Ron. You're right, that was his job – to follow me around in case I needed him. And I did, too.. but never gave him much credit, I guess. No one would even remember his name...” she paused, remembering, suddenly melancholy, “He was always there when -” Kim never finished the sentence.

Good job Shego , Shego thought to herself, Bring up Ron. Just fuckin' brilliant. “I don't think he really cared about being in the spot-light, Kimmie. He just liked being around you is all.”

That didn't really help much. Yeah, he didn't. And yeah, he did. And in return, Kim had “put up with him”, was probably the best way to put it. Why had she acted like that? It wasn't how she had felt... but it was how she'd acted. Why?

“We're here...” Shego said, pulling up to the pawn-shop, “Uhm... you wanna come in? Pick out something?”

“No... you pick for me, okay?” Kim said, still staring at the floor, “I'll just wait here.”

“Kim -”

“I'll be okay. I – I'd just like to be alone for awhile. Don't forget the ammo.”

Shego got out of the truck and went into the store. It wasn't nearly as fun as she'd thought it would be.

“Blue-cheese, Thousand Island, French, Italian, uh... Green Goddess” Shego chuckled over the allusion, “Which is it gonna be, Pumpkin?” Their first real salad in three years was dinner the day after they returned.

Kim looked up from her plate. Suddenly, the thought of food – any food – was making her nauseated. “Shego? I think I'll just pass, for right now. I don't feel so good.”

“You sick?”

“A little. I think it's just from the run – pushed myself a little hard, I guess. I'll be okay in a few hours.”

Eyeing her suspiciously, Shego said, “Okay Prince – uh, Kim. I hope you know that I'm going to chow down anyway...”

Kim smiled at her, “You go ahead. I'm gonna go lie down.”

At the farmhouse, they had four bedrooms – three now that Kim was using one as her “office” - and two of them had their own bathrooms. Since Kim had taken the master bedroom when she'd first stayed there, Shego had the other. So Shego had no way of knowing that Kim spent fifteen minutes throwing up almost as soon as she left the table.

I don't feel so good AT ALL! Kim thought, finally lying in bed, dripping with clammy sweat. Maybe it'll pass now that I threw up... Shego would just start worrying if I told her...

Later, in the living-room, Shego was just sitting down to resume Hadrian , a historical novel. One of the previous occupants in the house had a penchant for such books, and to her initial surprise, Shego had discovered that she did, too. It surprised her even more to discover that the Roman emperor had had a boyfriend , with whom he was quite in love, apparently. Who'd a thunk?

In the dead-quiet of the house, Shego heard Kim's voice, weak and shaky , “S-Shego...”

It didn't sound good. Shego fairly leapt up to go see what was wrong, only to find Kim on her knees at the door to her bedroom, doubled over with both hands at her gut.

“Kim!” she dropped to her knees too, “What's wrong?”

“It... I think... help me get in bed...” Kim managed to say.

Shego helped Kim into her bed, taking almost all of her weight to walk her across the floor ten feet. Kim's skin felt cold and wet, her face was pale. This is bad Shego thought, and didn't dare think further.

She pulled off Kim's shirt, shoes, and pants, and arranged the covers over her. “Is it something in your stomach? Something from lunch? Does it hurt down in your gut? Talk to me.”

Kim opened her eyes to look into the older girl's. Shego could see the fear. “It hurts right here...” she pointed to the right side of her abdomen, just above the hips, in front.

A place Shego had seen someone point to before - Oh no... oh no no no... Shego pulled the covers back down, exposing Kim's belly down to the waist. “Tell me if this hurts, okay?” Kim blinked questioningly and Shego pressed – gently – at the spot she'd seen the doctor do it when her younger brother had been taken to the Emergency Room.

Kim moaned loudly and hissed through her teeth. Fuck! Shego thought. “Okay, lemme try this. Tell me if this hurts again -” Shego pressed down very, very slowly, and then released the pressure of her hand all at once.

Again, and louder, Kim moaned. Yes. It hurt.

Shego's mind raced, FUCK!! FUCK, this can't be happening!! What am I gonna do? She couldn't be sure, but the symptoms were the same. Exactly the same. Kim had appendicitis. Sudden, painful, deadly, and SOME one was going to have to... remove it. And that someone was going to have to be Shego.

“She.. go?” Kim asked haltingly. She knew that Shego knew something, could see it in her face and eyes.

GODDAMMIT!! Shego thought, her mind racing, Ok-ok-ok... gotta be calm... Gotta look confident. FUCK! C'mon Shego, confident. Cool... For her sake... Confident...

“I think you have appendicitis, Kim. My brother Mego had it, and I was with him in the Emergency room when he was examined. You're going through exactly what he did. You hurt the same place, and in the same way” she tried to sound reassuring, “It's your appendix. It... uh...”

Most of what Kim knew of “appendicitis” came from television, but she was aware of one thing – they had to be cut out. It required an operation. A doctor. A hospital.

“It... has to... be...” Kim began, unable to stop squirming, trying to find a position where it wouldn't hurt so much.

But Shego finished, “Taken out. Yeah. Uhm... Kim? I'm going to have to go into town and get some stuff. We don't have any... anything here. Except power. And water” she began thinking out loud, “And light... Uh... I'm gonna go get some stuff. Yeah. Uhm...” it was difficult to remember the last thing she'd said, when she was thinking a hundred things at once.

Then she felt Kim take her hand and squeeze it weakly, “Hurry...”, she said.

God-damned right she hurried.

In fact, what Shego did over the next three hours would never quite be clear in her mind. Driving to the hospital at 70 mph. Dumping drawers of surgical instruments into a trashcan she found in the hallway. Looking through a cabinet full of drugs only to realize that none of the bottles said what they were actually for, and half-way ready to light the whole room afire in frustration - her “other half” ready to break down in tears. Unable to make up her mind, she moved on to the next room, and the next room, and the next room, looking for anything she might need, hoping that if she did find something, it would somehow trigger her brain to take it, because she was too busy thinking a solid string of expletives to pay much attention.

She eventually left the hospital with two trash bags of drugs, a case of saline solution, eight-thousand hypodermic needles of various sizes, a plastic garbage can three-quarters full of surgical instruments, two cardboard boxes full of books, a trash bag of masks, gloves, gowns, towels, and two-hundred and fifty yards of Tygon(tm) tubing she had no idea why she might want. Nonetheless, she was sure she forgot something, but simply COULD NOT stay any longer. Every time she wondered if she should stop and think, she would imagine Kim lying there writhing and moaning and pale. She had to go. It was a wonder she'd stayed long enough to make four trips up and down the stairs as it was.

She drove back to the farmhouse even faster than she'd driven away, sometimes topping 90 mph, as much to keep her mind on driving – and off everything else - as to actually get there sooner.

She drove across the yard and through her vegetable garden to the back door and unloaded the Humvee into the kitchen, clearing off the counters with a sweep of her arm. Then she ran towards the bedroom to check on Kim.

In the hallway, in mid-stride – she stopped. Get hold of yourself, Shego! You can't go in there all panting and anxious and scared – just calm down. She doesn't need to see you like this. Not now. How would YOU feel if Kim had to cut you open and she's obviously ready to... to just... Cry? In front of someone? Was she that far away from her old self, now? Snide, sarcastic super-powered Thief, and she was ready to cry?

Well... even if she was, she wouldn't let Kim see. Not now.

Maybe later.

Surgery was set up on the kitchen table, underneath the quadruple four-foot-long florescent lights in the ceiling.

“Do... do you need another pillow or anything?” Shego asked – Kim didn't look very comfortable lying there.

Trying to smile at her feebly,Kim whispered hoarsely , “You're... stalling...”

Shego sighed. Kim was on to her. “Yes I am. If I could just read over this one more time, I think -”

“Shego... ”

Kim's face was colorless, her voice a whisper. She looked like someone in the process of dying. And one thing Shego had read about over and over again as she'd been frantically searching through the books: if the appendix ruptured, Kim would almost certainly die – and that was in a hospital under treatment from doctors.

But there was a way to see if it had already happened. Shego pressed the spot she'd since learned was called “McBurney's Point” again, lightly, and Kim winced and moaned. “Still pretty sharp pain, Kimmie?”

After a few breaths, Kim nodded.

Shego sighed. It wasn't too late – yet - but she didn't have the equipment to know how much time she did have. Sometimes, she'd read, these things could be cured just with antibiotics! But there was no way she could know. I might kill her... she might die anyway... I don't know how I could live with killing her. I don't know how... I...

Then a galvanizing thought wiped everything else aside: But if she dies and I didn't even TRY...

No fuckin' way. No fuckin' way is that going to happen.

Shego pulled down the sheet covering Kim, pulled up her pajama-top, and down her bottoms. The bikini-cut panties were so low they weren't a concern, and Shego grabbed a bottle of Betadine and sponged it over her entire belly and right hip, staining the pale skin an awful yellow-orange color.

Now or never , Shego said to herself. “You ready Pumpkin?” she said, trying her best to sound casual about it. They'd agreed previously that Shego would use her “knockout plasma” in lieu of anesthesia. It had sounded like a good idea at the time, but Kim looked so sick now... Shego wasn't so sure. Just how safe was her knock-out power?

“Will... will it hurt?” Kim asked.

No one's ever complained , Shego thought of saying, then thought better of it. The truth was: she didn't know. She'd seldom stuck around long enough after doing it to find out. Kim didn't need to know that, of course.

“You won't feel a thing”, Shego lied, hoping Kim would notice her swallow – her throat felt dry as sandpaper. As with everything else she had done, was doing, and was about to do, Shego had no idea if it was the right thing, or not. She was tired of telling herself to “hope for the best”. She was tired of platitudes of all kinds. She was just plain tired, period.

She held her right hand out to Kim's forehead, desperately hoping she looked re-assuring. Kim had done that for her, when the dogs had been after her. Now it was Shego's turn. But then she made the mistake of looking into Kim's eyes.

Which were looking right back at her. Their eyes locked. Their minds froze.

Something passed between them, unvoiced and unthought , but there, nonetheless. It was over in the blink of an eye, and Kim whispered, “Funny... how things... turn out...”

“Yeah” Shego agreed, knowing exactly what Kim was talking about. Then she ignited and Kim went out.

Shego was alone now, and Kim's body was just that, Kim's body, empty but at least alive, lying in front of her. She had a chilling feeling of what the same experience might be like if that body weren't alive. What would she do? Probably just leave. Leave and never come back. Maybe go back to Cheyenne Mountain... watch movies, eat ice-cream. Suffocate in apathy and comfort. That'd be about right.

I can't make it without you, Kim , she realized. And then, added to that, I wouldn't want to, anyway.

NO TIME FOR THIS!!

Business! Shego picked a scalpel and lit her other hand, running it along the blade to sterilize it. How... how exactly does one cut through human flesh? She'd never seen it done, on tv or otherwise. Oh, she could have – she'd seen whole libraries of surgical tapes in the medical library, but as with everything else, there was no TIME to check it out. Did one saw? Did one push or pull? How deeply should one cut per pass? How many passes should there be? Her manual said to not to cut too deep, and to cut with the grain of the muscles. How was she supposed to know which way that was? And how deep was “too deep”? It didn't say anything about how many cuts she was allowed to make, either, or if one could go back and enlarge a cut once it was made if it was discovered that it wasn't big enough, or in the wrong place, or... or... or – the list went on. She examined the business-end of the scalpel. Okay, it looked like something you were supposed to pull. In fact, thinking about it, pushing made little sense, if you wanted to cut something smoothly. Ok. Now, how would she control the depth? How would she know -

FUCK IT!!

Three incisions later, it was suddenly obvious that Shego had cut through the skin and muscles above Kim's intestines and was indeed into her abdominal cavity. She could pull the wound apart and see them. She only hoped she hadn't so much as “nicked” anything down there, because nothing she'd read gave her any indication what a “nick” might look like, but almost everything hinted that it would be bad. Fucking medical manuals... they left out as much as they put in... but, they were all she had.

Now, according to the manual: retract the skin and seal-off the “bleeders”. What the fuck is a bleeder?

She used the weight of several hemostats clamped to the muscle and skin to keep the cut open, an idea she'd got from a different book. It was soon obvious what “bleeders” were. Small veins she'd cut through were constantly draining blood into the wound. If this kept up, Kim could die of blood loss before Shego would be able to even find the appendix. She could clamp or she could suture, or she could “either use the cauterizer or litigator to permanently seal each bleeder”. Shego had no idea what either of those devices looked like, let alone how to use it, but “cauterizing” she could at least guess about. She touched a plasma-encased finger to each bleeding vein, searing it shut.

The smoke smelled – as one might expect – like roasted meat. Shego had prepared herself mentally for the sight, the feel, the risk... everything but the smell. That hadn't occurred to her. She choked back the urge to throw up. Good thing, too, since her face was basically right over the opening into Kim's body – MASK! Goddammit ! How could I forget... FUCK! Shego found and put on a surgical mask without taking the time to further berate herself, and then sterilized her hands again, feeling at least a little competent that she'd remembered to do that.

Okay. What have we got here... The cut was filled with blood from the bleeders, and Shego had to mop it up with what looked like the “cotton rounds” used to remove make-up – back in the World - but were now called “sponges” for some reason. Now she could at least see. Ah. There. Lumpy, pink, tubular, and the size she'd expected from the anatomy drawings. The cecum. The manual told her to reach in there, grab it, and pull it out of Kim's body.

Actually pull it out of her body . Even just reading it, she found it hard to believe that this was what “modern surgical procedure” actually said to do... Of course, there was that other procedure, using something called a “ laproscope ”, but that was just wishful thinking. An hour after she'd began the first incision, Shego lit up her right hand one more time, just to be sure it was sterile, and slipped her fingers into Kim's gut, wrapping her fingers around and below her patient's large intestine. It felt... strange, to say the least, to have her hand inside someone else's body. Kim was hot inside for one thing. And wet and slippery for another.

“Uh... Uh... Uh..”

Apparently, it felt and looked strange to Kim, as well. Shego's knock-out had worn off exactly at the wrong time, and Kim was conscious again, and staring at Shego's arm embedded up to the wrist in her belly.

Luckily, Shego's left hand was free, and she stretched it out to the other girl's forehead, quickly knocking her out again - but with a somewhat stronger charge. Doy! THAT was... awkward...

She pulled the cecum out of the opening and there, finally, underneath it, was the “finger-like appendage” she was looking for, adhered to the cecum with tissue, and a rather worrisomely large vein running to it. Well, she was expecting that, at least. She began cutting the tissue to separate the appendix from the large intestine, and used a charged finger to burn the vein shut. Nervous sweat dripped from Shego's eyebrows onto Kim's belly, and Shego absent-mindedly wiped at it with the back of her free hand, immediately cursing herself for doing so, and then bathing that hand in plasma at full heat to sterilize it again.

Okay. There it was. The next thing to do was cut it off. Trouble is, there was nothing obviously wrong with Kim's appendix. It looked fine to Shego... pink, soft (she'd expected it to be harder, since supposedly it was close to bursting). Had she completely done the wrong thing? Suppose it wasn't appendicitis at all? It could have been something else – should she “go in and look around” while she was there?

You idiot. Like you'd know what an infected appendix “looks and feels” like anyway. The symptoms were right, the whole McBurney's Point thing was right... Let's get this over with... Shego knew that at the very least, if she was right about the appendicitis, Kim should be free of at least that particular pain when she regained consciousness again. Trying not to think of the consequences, she clamped it and got ready to sever it, just like the book said.

Apparently it was likely to be full of “offending fluid” that shouldn't be allowed to drain into the body cavity. Then again, the cecum was also full of stuff that shouldn't either. How was she supposed to make sure neither side of her cut didn't spill anything? The book didn't -

Clamp it twice, brainiac ! Cut between the clamps!

The voice in her head was surprising in it's clarity, and even more in its brilliance. As Shego rolled her eyes at her own stupidity, one more odd thing about that voice occurred to her – it sounded like Kim.

Well, no time to think about that now. She fished out another clamp, sterilized it, and clamped it next to the first one. Then she cut Kim's appendix off. Two hours had now elapsed.

Now she was supposed to “invert the severed end of the cecum and suture it”. Invert? Turn it upside-down? That didn't make sense... what the FUCKING HELL did they mean “invert”? More sweat rolled towards Shego's eyes, and she used a sterile sponge to wipe it off. What else could they possibly mean by “invert”?

Well, to hell with that. What would make sense to her , then? Fold it over like wrapping a present, and then sew it shut? Well... that seemed kind of reasonable... but surely there was more to it than that. For one thing, just what was supposed to heal here? The inside of the cecum to the outside? Because it made a difference... and one wouldn't think that the inside of the cecum would heal just because it was touching another part of the inside of the cecum. If that were to happen, people's guts would just seal themselves up whenever they were empty for a day or two. Okay, what about the outside? Better, but still didn't seem like -

INVERT like rolling up a sock! Was that a possible meaning for “invert”? It could be – and she didn't have time to look it up. Hoping to God she was right about what “invert” meant, and using both hands with her face three inches away from Kim's gut, Shego inverted the end, squeezed it flat, and began to sew it up.

Was that the right way to suture something? She'd seen pictures of the knots she was apparently expected to use, but... how far apart should the stitches be? It seemed wrong to poke too many holes through the tissue... and what of the thread? Was it okay to just leave it there? Was she supposed to go back in and remove it after some amount of time? Was this the right material for an internal suture? What if it wasn't? What if and what if and what if and what if... Let's get out of her body, Shego. Whaddaya say? Bodies DO have a way of taking care of themselves, given the chance... close her up and leave her the hell alone!

Having sewn the cecum closed, Shego stuffed it back into Kim's body – was that the right thing to do? - and removed the clamps holding the incision open. Now just sew it shut? Just the skin, or every layer of tissue she'd cut through? Nothing offered any hint. But then, nothing she'd read had ever said anything about having to suture every layer cut through, either. Fuck she thought a dozen more times while trying to make up her mind.

Twelve stitches later – she was finally getting the hang of it, Shego was done. As far as she knew. As much as she could do, anyway. She washed the wound off with Betadine one last time and carefully taped gauze over it.

Unable to think of anything else to do, Shego went out to the back porch and threw up violently for ten minutes.

How much longer? How hard did I hit her that second time? What if she NEVER wakes up? Kim... C'mon... Shego sat next to the kitchen table after washing her face, anxiously watching Kim for signs of consciousness. She was so tired. It had been the longest two and a half hours of her life, and the six hours prior to the actual surgery had not exactly been restful, either. Not that she could relax now. Not without knowing if – well, without knowing something. She reached over and took Kim's hand to check her pulse. Such a simple, basic thing... where the hell was it? Wait – was that it? She remembered something about the thumb having a pulse of its own, and so shouldn't be used to find other people's. Okay, first two fingers, then. Was that a pulse? Should she squeeze a little harder? Or was -

Ah – squeeze a little harder - that was the answer. That was obviously a pulse. Kim's pulse. Did it feel strong? How the hell should she know what a “strong” pulse felt like... so many questions, so much she didn't know, so few real answers... the frustration was just... exhausting.

Kim seemed okay, as far as Shego could tell. Maybe a little pale, still... but hell, redheads were always pale, weren't they? Not that pale, no. Kim usually had more color than this. But at least her face had lost the pinched look and her eyes no longer looked sunken inside dark rings. She actually looked rather pretty. That was a good sign, wasn't it?

Shego stared. Yeah, she was pretty. She'd always been “cute” but now, three years older, legally “adult” and almost through growing, Kim's face had a much more... serious look. Her cheek-bones had become better defined, her face less round, slightly more angular. And those eyes... closed now, but gawd Kim had nice eyes. Penetrating, laughing, questioning – you could pretty much read Kim like a book through those emerald-green eyes. It was kind of fascinating to do so - fascinating and maybe a little hypnotic at the same time.

The eyebrows and lips were dead giveaways, too, Shego smiled thinking about the various expressions she'd seen on Kim's face over the last three years. Her all-time favorite – she chuckled when she thought of it – was Kim's “what the FUCK are you doing!?” expression. That time Shego had been playing with the wolf-spider from the wood-pile, Kim had looked at her that way. She didn't appreciate the beauty of spiders, it seemed. Shego chuckled again, her hand unconsciously moving from the girl's wrist and into her hand.

She put her head onto her folded arm on the table, just to rest her eyes for a little while, until Kim woke up.

It occurred to Shego, as she rested, to wonder why she cared so much about someone that – only three years ago – she'd have gladly sent to the hospital with a broken back. There were reasons, she told herself. For instance, Shego needed Kim to continue her work in order to get back to The World. She also needed Kim to keep her from falling into the bottomless pit melancholy she'd experienced at Cheyenne Mountain. And face it, Kim was her friend. Shego liked Kim. A lot. Was that what she was feeling? That's what she was feeling. Yeah, that must be it.

She fell asleep telling herself that.

“I want REAL FOOD Shego!”

“Tough. Eat your strained pears” Shego replied stubbornly. She'd been giving Kim nothing but baby-food for three days now, afraid to send anything through her gut that might... do something.

“I'm fine! Look!” Kim said, pressing on the bandage above her incision.

“KIM!! Stop that!!” Shego's hand shot out to grab hers.

“It doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt at all... and I'm freakin' starving here! I need solid food, Shego. Now c'mon! Pleeeeease, doctor?”

“No.”

“Pleeeease?”

“No.”

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease, Doc?”

“Dammit Kim -”

“I'll be good...”

“Kim -”

“I'll eat my peas an' everything! I'll sit still! I'll pay attention and I won't talk back and I -”

“Y'know what, Pumpkin? If you're willing to sacrifice every shred of dignity for food, then fine. But we're going to do it my way. Get it?” Shego said mock-scornfully. Kim's puppy-dog face was just adorable!

Kim was in fact willing to do just that, “What's your way?”

“A little bit at a time, okay? I'm talking one bite, here. And if that doesn't bother you by tonight, maybe you can have a few more. Build our way up. I think it's -”

“ONE BITE? A few more by tonight? Oh come ON Doc!”

“Kim?” Shego said threateningly. Not mock-threateningly, either – but with real anger in her voice. Maybe Kim had nearly died, but Shego would have gladly traded places with her.

Kim could tell by the look in Shego's eyes that enough was enough and didn't push it further. She remembered the look in her eyes before the “anesthesia” jolt from Shego's hand hit her. She also remembered the look on her face when she'd woken up mid-surgery. All seriousness, desperation, extreme anxiety... Kim had an inkling of what it must have been like for Shego, and she realized that it was only an “inkling”.

“Okay, fine. You're the doctor. Doc.”

“And stop calling me 'Doc'.”

“Whatever you say,” Kim grinned, knowing that there was nothing Shego could – or would - do about it, “Doc.”

Five months later, October of year 3.

“You're sure you're ready for this?”

“Shego... I've been ready for months. I'm back up to a hundred crunches in fifteen minutes. I'm solid as a rock. Here,” Kim lifted her sweater exposing her belly, complete with the new scar, “Punch me in the stomach, Doc. G'head.”

“We're not going there, Pumpkin. In a year, I'll think about it, okay? I read that sometimes these things can -”

“Yeah yeah yeah – and I read how some guy named Schrodinger figured out how to equate energy, matter, and waves. We both read too much. And your cooking has really suffered, I might add. If I were going to be mean. An' all.”

Shego narrowed her eyes at Kim – it was true enough, she had been getting into cooking the more she did it, but since what had come to be called “The Operation”, Shego had been burying her nose deeply into medical books, starting with first-aid and working her way up. Currently, she was involved in a fascinating – if icky – textbook entitled “Burnbaum's Parasitology”. Next medical emergency that came up, Shego was going to be ready. Or at least, more ready. Her dinners, on the other hand, were rather plain.

“You are so lucky I'm your doctor or I'd kick your ass for that. Okay, let's do this thing, but new rule – nothing in the stomach. No kicks, no punches. Guts are off-limits. 'Kay?”

Kim whirled and kicked, her foot stopping frozen just two inches from Shego's unflinching face.

“Oh-kay, Kim?”

“Okay, Doc”, Kim chuckled.

By next spring, their fourth year in the new universe, they had racked up enough accidental torso-hits that Shego no longer panicked when she hit Kim a little too hard there. Besides, she had the feeling that Kim was using her reluctance to try and hit her there unfairly – Kim was racking up a lot of connections because of it. It was kind of pissing Shego off... but in what could only be called “a good way”.

That summer, Kim got her chance to be “doctor” for a week, after a rattlesnake bit Shego on the ankle. The wood-pile was a dangerous place, it seemed. Shego had been totally out of it for a day, ironically, because she'd just told Kim that such bites usually only made the victim “sick”, and were very rarely fatal. It was closer to “fatal” than Kim liked. Still, it had cleared up after a couple of anxious days. Kim kept her in bed for a week anyway. Partly out of spite. “Friendly” spite.

Kim's studies were getting her down. She kept getting the feeling that she was going off-track, what with Reinmann Manifolds and Laplacian Integrals and three whole weeks spent on Fourier Transforms before she realized that it had more to do with signal-processing and hardly anything to do with trans-dimensional travel.

Often, from her office window, she'd watch Shego out in the yard, tending her garden, or feeding the chickens, or working on the Humvee. Shego had taken to wearing her hair in a braid now, that hung down to the small of her back. It was Kim's idea, and Kim did the braiding. She looked forward to it. A great deal.

For her part, Shego would often go out after dark to “make her rounds”, she'd tell Kim. Actually, she'd got into the habit of spending sometimes as much as half an hour in front of Kim's window, watching the girl study. When she'd first started doing it, she'd felt a little like a voyeur, but as the weeks rolled by, that feeling had gone away, replaced by something else.

They were each falling in love with the other, and yes, they did realize it, by now. They never voiced their feelings, of course – that would be just wrong. They both blamed it on the fact that there was no one else around, that they were alone here. Had they been “back in The World”, things would certainly have been different. What they were feeling was just a symptom of their situation, they told themselves – it would end when they got back to their own universe. This was just a “personal problem”, and each of them would deal with it alone.

Besides, it's not like they actually felt... attraction to each other. Appreciation of aesthetic beauty was one thing, right? But sexual attraction was a whole different ball of wax. Right?

Right?

Author's note: I'd like to thank all those who helped me with the medical aspect of this chapter: rdfox, madman, mouse, and others... I forget who all. Rdfox's Medical Manual for New Doctors – or whatever it was called, was invaluable as far as the actual procedure of cutting someone open, sealing off bleeders, etc. Nonetheless – as simple as I've made it sound, appendectomies ARE dangerous things, and you certainly shouldn't attempt one based on what you read in a cartoon fanfic. Needless to say?

Chapter Text

By the next Summer – their fifth year alone, Kim understood that Physics and Math were not taking her where she needed to go. She was going to have to find information dealing specifically with multiple-universe probability theory, preferably from people who had more than just “theory” about it. And she knew, by now, that if anyone did have such information, they wouldn't have published it anyway. So she was going to have to search for it. Without the Internet, that meant “search” in the old-fashioned sense, by going places and opening drawers.

First stop: the University of California, at Berkeley.

“Okay, I think I've finally got the hang of this 'welding' thing. The 'supa-bumpa' is on. Our poor Hummer is starting to look like something out of Mad Max...” Shego said grinning as she came through the kitchen door. She was feeling good, she'd learned how to use her plasma for something constructive, for a change. Maybe it was a turning-point.

“I still say we should just take an RV” Kim suggested, “We'd have everything right at -”

“And you can go find parts for it when it breaks down. I told you – I've spent a lot of time and energy learning how to keep this Hummer going. I know the parts, I know how it works. And we're probably going to come up on unforeseen things out there... I want a military vehicle. You can have your little home in the Tube.” The “Tube” was Shego's name for the forty-foot long aluminum-shelled Gulfstream trailer they were taking along. Shego didn't really think it would last long – she'd already encountered enough road-blocks of overturned trucks, fallen trees, and destroyed bridges to know that it wasn't going to be like a 'vacation'.

“Yeah, you're probably right. So, we can leave tomorrow?” Kim was excited about the trip – adventure had been sorely missing from her life in the New World.

“I gotta load up some more stores and medical stuff, but yeah, we can take off tomorrow morning. I just wish we had some way of knowing what we're heading into... Berkeley may be burned up the same way Denver was – and it'll all be for nothing.”

“Yeah, I know, Doc. On the other hand, aren't you glad to be leaving here? We've been cooped up here so long...”

Yes, she should be glad to leave. Shego knew that. The conversion from Jet-Set Super-Thief to Farm Handy-Woman had been abrupt and hated, at first... but gradually, it had grown on her. She'd learned to take the time to notice things like stars and sunsets, the change of seasons. Other things. Things that were really important. Things that were sublime.

“I'll kinna miss the old place, Pumpkin. I'll admit it. I'll miss fresh eggs, for sure.” she said, referring to her chickens.

“You're getting mellow in your old age, Doc.”

Shego narrowed her eyes to show that she didn't appreciate the 'age' remark, “Well, someone has to be the 'mature one' around here. Keep the fuel tanks filled. Drive a manual transmission...”

“Hey!” Kim exclaimed – Shego had hit a sore spot, “I've asked you to teach me how many times now? And all you say is 'Not now, Kimmie', or 'I don't have a new clutch right now, Kimmie', or -”

Smiling at her outburst, Shego said, “Alright, Kimmie. Point taken. If I find another Hummer that runs, I'll teach you how to drive it. 'Kay? But right now, you'd better pack up anything you've forgotten.”

“I haven't forgotten anything.”

“Toothbrush?”

“Got it.”

“Flashlights?”

“Check.”

“Spare laptop?”

“Check.”

“Kotex?”

“Ch – dammit...”

As they packed their final remaining items, the reality of their situation hit home - and their mood became somber. They'd been there for five years now. Leaving was suddenly depressing to both of them, but for entirely different reasons.

For Kim, it centered around Ron and the future she'd always dreamed they'd have. She'd always assumed it was more than a dream – that it was a given. Well, by now, Ron would have graduated from either college or cooking-school. He'd have made new friends... including, probably, girlfriends. He would have left Kim behind, gotten over her, carried on. Not that Kim wouldn't want him to... but it was just hard realizing that he had. Probably. No... not “probably”. He had. She'd might as well try to accept it. Ron was out of the picture.

In her bedroom, as she scanned for last-minute things to take, her eyes stopped at Ron's framed high school picture on her night table. The freckled sixteen-year-old boy she would probably – strike that – she would definitely never have a chance to settle down with and raise a family. That was over. That dream was gone.

She stared at the picture a long moment, sitting on the bed. His crooked smile, his totally guileless expression. The freckles he was always so self-conscious about. They were probably gone now, too. His ears that stuck out too far were probably laying down more by this time. He'd have changed... just as she had. Did he ever think about her? If so, how often? And... just what, exactly, did he think? Kim wished she'd asked him a thousand questions, when she'd had the chance.

Too late now. She lifted the frame and held it on her lap.

“Goodbye, Ron” was all she said. She stared at it a moment longer.

Then she put the picture into the nightstand drawer.

Shego, on the other hand, felt alive, useful, full of purpose. For the last five years, she'd been busy! Thinking about it, she realized that she couldn't remember the last time she'd filed her nails – an occupation that had occupied most of her idle hours. Now, she didn't have 'idle hours' to waste. Kim depended on her. To feed her, to keep the Humvee going, to supply her with books, to take her places. Shego was the driving force that made their lives here possible. She had purpose. She had responsibility. She had... a job to do. A job for which the payment wasn't money – the payment was Wow, Doc, you did THAT? That's great!

What brought her down was thinking about her life back in The World – and how many years she'd wasted. If only she'd known! She'd spent so much of her life bored to tears, unable to think of anything to do, and now... now there weren't enough hours in the fucking day for all the things she wanted to do! How could she have been so... stupid? How could she have wasted all those... years... here in Middleton, working for Dr. Drakken? What did it get her? Money? Yeah, okay – and what did that get her? Did the Learjet make her happy? Did she miss it? What exactly did she miss? Anything?

She thought of Senor Senior, Senior again, wishing she'd found a way to spend more time with him. Yeah, he was old, but so what? If only she'd gone to work for him instead of that loser Drakken... But that might have meant work, huh? Less time for her to... file her nails. STUPID! Maybe she could have even whipped Junior into shape... who knew? He had the genes... he was just a spoiled brat, is all.

Yeah. Just like her.

How depressing.

By one a.m., they'd packed all they were going to pack, but neither of them could sleep, each dwelling on their own particular loss. Kim had accepted that Ron was out of her life, and Shego that she'd had no 'life' in the first place. She'd had a life-style.

Loneliness overwhelmed them both.

The bright spot in Shego's life now was her former arch-enemy. And Shego knew it. What difference did it make why? She could rationalize the reasons to herself all day – been there, done that. But the fact remained – it was Kim that made her feel good. About herself, about everything. Kim Possible - in the bedroom across the hall.

She got up thinking she wanted a drink – scotch, maybe – but stopped in the hall, staring at the closed door to Kim's room. She stared and stared, and eventually slid down the wall and sat on the floor, knees to her chest, still staring.

Kim stared at the ceiling without seeing it. Ron was gone and in his place... She couldn't quite finish the thought, but she knew how. She knew what it was she couldn't say: Shego.

She kept thinking about Shego and not-thinking about why she was thinking about her. Because there were too many... problems with the concept. If only... if only she could talk to her about... it. About them. Maybe work something out. Some way they could be – close – without getting all... icky about it. Without committing to anything.

If only I could just sleep with her... and I MEAN JUST SLEEP! Gah! Why is it I have to point out these things TO MYSELF?!! Don't I know what I mean?!

She got up to find some apple juice, there wasn't going to be any sleeping – with anyone – tonight.

And when she opened the door, there was Shego, sitting on the floor across the hall, staring up at her. Kim froze, but didn't speak.

Neither did Shego.

For two minutes – long enough for them to both know what they weren't saying.

It was Kim who put voice to the thought; “You wanna come in?” she said softly, almost hoarsely.

Shego nodded and rose to her feet, wordlessly following Kim to the bed. Wordlessly getting under the covers.

Not speaking, not thinking, just doing, Shego rolled onto her side, facing Kim who was again looking at the ceiling – but seeing it this time, put her arm across Kim's belly, and pulled them together. Kim rolled onto her side, facing away, and shuffled herself back against the other girl.

And that's how they awoke the next morning.

“I thought you were all packed?” Kim asked, seeing Shego carrying box after box into the trailer.

“Decided to take more spare parts for the Humvee. It's a long way between Army bases, in some places. It's hard to know what we might need...”

“I thought it was already pretty stuffed in there.”

This was the telling part, but Shego tried to sound matter-of-fact about it - “I'm putting them in the bunk-beds.” In other words, she was filling up the part of the trailer that she was supposed to use as her bed. They'd flipped for it, and Kim had won the queen-size bed for herself. Now, apparently, the situation was to change.

Kim caught on immediately. “Good idea” she said, and they let it go at that.

Going was slow, even on the interstate. They couldn't make more than a dozen miles sometimes without having to maneuver around an accident of some kind, and often they'd have to either use the “super-bumper” to push cars out of the way, or the winch to pull them apart. It took two days just to get to Interstate 80 in Wyoming. This was going to be a long trip.

“Next time we go to a different universe, let's do it after rush-hour is over” Shego quipped.

They spent that night next to a Wal-Mart. It had both diesel and propane. And... Shego had forgotten her toothbrush.

Now it was time to cross the Rocky Mountains, and if they'd thought the going was slow before, they were lucky to make twenty miles a day now. The problem was the guard-rails on both sides of the road. The suddenly driver-less cars and trucks never got the chance to run off the road, but merely bounced back and forth on it. Some of the jams took an entire day to clear a path through. Kim became adept at operating the winch while Shego hooked mangled vehicles up to the cable. They both foraged from RV's and trucks along the way.

The plan had been for Kim to ride in the trailer most of the time, in order to continue her studies, while Shego drove. But because of the frequent stops, Kim decided she'd just as soon ride up front. Besides, I-80 through the Rockies was pretty scenic. Good thing it was summer, though. She'd hate to have to do this in snow.

The days dragged on, filled with routine. And while they still slept together, their usual friendly banter had almost disappeared. If anyone had been there to watch them, they'd have assumed Kim and Shego were merely working partners in some sort of post-apocalyptic wrecking service.

During quiet times together – which they tried to avoid – they were both tense and uncomfortable. Because they both had something to hide, that they'd rather not think about. Same syndrome, and some of the same reasons behind it. Shego had said outright that she was straight, Kim remembered. And Shego knew that Kim had wanted to marry Ron and have children. As a result, despite their growing attraction to each other, and the shared comfort of sleeping together, they were both sure the other wasn't interested in taking the relationship any further.

And so they went about their work. Month after month, down the Rockies, through the Great Salt Lake, into the Basin and Range province of the Nevada desert. Kim studied Chaos Theory, Shego studied Medicine. It was late summer before they began crossing the Sierra Nevada at Reno. It was well into October before they saw San Francisco.

The first day at Berkeley, Shego accompanied Kim as she looked for Professor Lyn's office, just in case they ran into something. Both of them were habitually armed now, the weirdness of putting on a gun belt to go outside had worn off and become just another part of life in their world.

Once they found what Kim was looking for, Shego went back to get the Humvee and park the trailer in a more reasonable location, and then went foraging. Thanks to the mild California weather, she found more than she had even hoped for, and her mood began to pick up. Getting away from Kim helped, too. The tension between them was just getting... tiresome. She wished she could break it somehow... or something... really, she didn't know what she wished would happen between them.

She still considered herself “straight”, no question about that. But... it would be okay... being closer... to Kim. Only to Kim, though. She wasn't gay, after all, and glances at bikini-clad models on the billboards confirmed that. No interest there at all. Good. Not gay. But Kim was a different story. Of course she felt that way because Kim was the only person available – doy! That didn't change anything, though. She'd still like to kiss her. And maybe... y'know... some petting. Nothing dirty. Well... maybe a little dirty... after all, everyone had their own idea of what was “dirty”, didn't they?

Certainly Shego wasn't interested in anything they wouldn't be able to call off once they got back to The World. Not that she wanted to just leave Kim behind or anything. God dammit... What did she want, anyway? Well, Kim wouldn't be interested in anything like that... might as well try to forget about it...

For Kim's part, she was cursing herself because she knew exactly what she wanted from Shego – dirt and all – and it was just not going to happen! Kim had too much to lose... For one thing, it would mean no chance for children, that much was obvious. Not with another woman. Sure, there were ways she could get pregnant, but... that just wouldn't be the same.

Then there was the Press. Wouldn't that look great: “Kim Possible In Lesbian Tryst with Former Arch-Enemy”. Gah. Imagine having to look her father and mother in the eye at dinner. Or Ron. And Bonnie – who might be older but would still be Bonnie, after all – she'd just have a field-day with it. Hell, everyone would. People would point at her everywhere she went - “There goes that lesbian hero who spent all those years alone with that evil villain woman... How do you suppose they spent their days? Hehehe.”

Good thing Shego wasn't gay. Kim was realizing that she sure as hell might be. Or “bi”, anyway, but hell, that was a nuance, and people in general didn't really care about the label “bisexual”. If you were sleeping with another woman, you were a “lesbian”, regardless. Stupid people. Stupid Press.

Stupid Shego. Doc would have to be straight. It was all so damn... hopeless... And sad. Best not to think about it.

Then one night:

“Damn!” Kim said through her teeth. She needed to pee, but in reaching for the flashlight she knocked it onto the floor, and heard it roll away. It was pitch-black in the trailer, and she didn't want to turn on a light and disturb Shego next to her.

But Shego wasn't asleep either. “Flashlight?” she asked, referring to the noise.

“Yeah. Could you light up for just a sec?” Using Shego as a night-light was old-hat by now.

“No sweat. Take your time.” Shego held a hand up and lit the room with green light.

“Dammit, I think it went under the fridge...”

“Just do what you gotta do, Pumpkin. I can stay lit up as long as you need. It's no big deal.”

“Okay. I'll just be a minute.”

Later, as Kim slipped back under the covers again, Shego lowered her still-flaming hands onto the bed.

“Shego!” Kim cried, “Be careful with your hand! You could set the bed on fire, y'know!”

“Geez, relax, Kimmie!” Shego chuckled, “I can control the temperature... I guess you didn't know that.” She held the plasma-encased hand out towards Kim's face, “See? No heat at all. Just light. Calm down...”

Kim studied the glowing hand in front of her face. In all this time, she'd never really seen Shego's power up-close before. She nervously put a finger close to – and then into – the liquid-smoke of Shego's plasma. No heat. Nothing but a sort of light pressure, almost like a breeze. Or the lick of a cool flame. She put her whole hand next to Shego's, and then against it, palm to palm, watching the plasma play. Neat!

Beautiful, too. Kim's face was only inches from the plasma, and she got even closer. It was like seeing a flame from the inside, and in slow-motion. The brightness and green-ness of it faded and intensified randomly, but with a regularity and pattern that were just... hypnotic.

Kim laced her fingers with Shego's and turned her hand to bring the back of Shego's glowing hand against her cheek.

Then to the front of her face...

“I never noticed how beautiful it is...” Kim said softly.

“Yeah, it kinna is, isn't it? Way back when, I used to watch it for hours. That was before I learned how to change the temperature... damn near caught my own hair on fire a few times.”

Kim smiled at that image. It was the first smile they'd shared in... a long time. Without thinking about it, or realizing what she was doing, Kim slowly closed her eyes and pressed her lips to the back of Shego's hand.

And stayed there. All of ten seconds, lost in sensation. Warm. Smooth. Soft.

Shego...

Shego!

Kim's eyes opened abruptly in panic, but she immediately realized: it was too late. What was done was done. She removed her lips from Shego's hand slowly, and let go. There was nothing to do now but apologize.

“S – sorry...” she stammered.

Kim saw that Shego was looking at her, but couldn't make out the expression on the other girl's face. It didn't look like disgust. Or anger. Or -

Her thoughts were cut off as Shego rolled forward and kissed her. Her still cool-flaming hand came back down on Kim's surprised cheek. Shego didn't move for a long time, while Kim's upper lip lay between hers. Then she moved down and took Kim's lower lip instead. Shego's eyes were closed, Kim saw. Eventually, she closed her own, and let herself be kissed.

No open-mouth. No tongue. No breathless desperation, no roaming hands. Lip to lip, hand to cheek. That was all.

Shego to Kim.

Not sure how Kim would take being kissed – she hadn't exactly responded enthusiastically - Shego rolled back and waited for whatever would come. But nothing did. Kim only opened her eyes and looked into hers for a fraction of a second, and then looked down, obviously ashamed, Shego thought.

Okay. That's how it is? Okay... Lesson learned. “G'nite, Kim.” Shego put out her plasma and rolled over, facing the other way.

Say something! Kim thought to herself, Say something! Anything! Why can't I just SAY SOMETHING!!

“'Nite...” You IDIOT! SAY SOMETHING! GODDAMMIT!! “... Doc.”

Inside, Kim was screaming.

Neither of them slept much that night.

And neither mentioned it the next day. Or the next. Both of them just kept thinking how complicated it all was. Both of them wished the situation was different. Neither of them knew quite how they wanted it to be different...

The third evening afterward, rain poured down in fat drops pounding on top of the metal-shelled trailer, muffled by the insulation into a dull, pervasive roar inside. They had agreed to call off the run, and the sparring. Besides, it was Saturday, and time for Kim to unbraid Shego's hair so she could wash it.

After her shower, Shego put on one of the over-sized teeshirts she wore to bed, and toweled her hair while Kim showered. Then they took their accustomed places on what served as the “couch”, so that Kim could re-braid Shego's hair again. Normally, Shego would be reading one of her medical books – something about enzymes maybe – but this time, for some reason, she just sat there while Kim worked on her hair. She'd forgotten about the book. She was fairly dying to talk to Kim. Things just couldn't go on this way. The air had to be cleared. One way or another. And Kim was going to be finished in about two minutes...

“Ki-” “She-” They had both spoken at the same time.

“Go ahead” Shego offered, glad to be let off the hook. She didn't know whether Kim wanted to talk about the same thing she did, but any excuse to delay the inevitable was acceptable.

“No, you first” Kim replied.

“I insist, Pumpkin. What was it?”

“No, really, you -”

“Kim!”

Shego could be stubborn at times. Kim knew she was going to have to go first. She'd have given anything not to. After a pause to gather her courage, she said, “I think we should talk about the other night, Doc...”

“Yeah, me too.” Shego had got the break she'd prayed for, the ball was in Kim's court.

“Okay... good. So... uh... go ahead...”

“You go ahead.” Shego winced at her own childishness, and was glad that Kim couldn't see her face.

“No, you.” As did Kim.

Deeply sighing, Shego rolled her eyes and shook her head, “Doy! We are SO pathetic!” She meant it seriously. They were pathetic! But Kim had to cover her mouth to try – unsuccessfully – to stifle her giggles.

“What's so funny?” Shego didn't know whether to smile or be pissed-off.

“We are! We're totally pathetic!”

The smile won out. That made it much easier for Shego to say: “Look, when I kissed you, it -”

“I liked it,” Kim interrupted, speaking rapidly in order to get the words out before she could change her mind.

That surprised Shego. She'd been all set to make excuses. “You... you did?”

Kim didn't answer – it was unfair for Shego to make her say it again. After a second's thought, Shego realized it.

“'Cuz... I thought you were -”

“I was just scared, is all.” Kim cut her off again - and surprised her, again.

Shego finally turned to face her. Kim met her eyes steadily – she wasn't going to back down this time. It was a promise she'd made to herself. Whatever happened, she was going to tell Shego how she felt. If she could figure out how that was. Eventually.

Scared? Shego thought. Of her? No, that was stupid. Shego knew perfectly well what Kim would be “scared” of – the same things she was. Probably. “Yeah. Me too.”

“You too?” Now it was Kim's turn to be surprised. Here she'd thought Shego had known exactly what she was doing..

“Yeah. It's so...” she sighed, “... complicated...”

Kim would certainly agree with that. But that didn't make it any easier to think of what to say next. Something... safe... “If we get back, are you going to go back to work for Drakken?” What she meant, of course, was Do you want to be together even if we don't have to be? Shego wasn't stupid.

“No. No, I... wait. 'If'?” A diversion, something to give Shego time to think.

“I've told you it's not a sure thing, Doc...”

“Yeah... I just never heard you say 'if' before. Kind of threw me off.” Shego collected her thoughts as best she could, “I dunno what I'm gonna do, Kim. I don't plan things out like you do. I just sorta... wing it, y'know?” Good, she'd been able to answer the question without answering the question. She was safe. It didn't feel so good to feel 'safe', though. “What about you? You gonna look up Ron?”

It was so easy to change the subject, and as thankful as Shego was for the opportunity, she hated not getting to the point, too. I'm blowing this... she thought, I'm so blowing this...

Kim sighed and looked out the window into the wet night, “I said goodbye to Ron when we left Middleton, Doc. He's moved on by now. I figured I should, too...”

“Oh. Uhm... sorry. I mean...”

“Thanks, Doc.” Kim knew that Shego didn't think much of Ron. She was totally wrong, of course, but it was nice of her to say she was sorry, anyway.

“Uh... de nada. Anyway, there's lots of time to think about what we..” Shego paused. She'd said 'we' without even thinking about it. Would Kim catch it? “... are going to do when and if we get back. We might be here a long time yet, right? No use worrying about it.”

“We might be here forever, Doc” Kim said, trying not to make it sound too depressing. Nonetheless, it was the first time she'd ever said it aloud, and that made a difference. “So... you said you weren't gay...”

So it was to be Kim who got to the point. And rather too abruptly for Shego's comfort, too.

“I know what I said.” Noncommittal.

Kim waited for elaboration. Was Shego bisexual? Was she straight? If so, why had she kissed her? She needed to know what was going on, for her own sanity.

After a long pause, all Shego said was, “God-dammit, Kim.”

“What...”

“Look, it's just the two of us. Do we really have to wear labels? Can't we just... be whatever we are... and see... y'know, what happens?” She had managed to turn the question into a discussion of the words Kim had used. Safe again. Shego was beginning to hate being 'safe'. Why WHY WHY did they have to play this game?!

That sounded like I'm not as straight as I used to be to Kim, and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. There were things she wanted – and there were things she didn't want, too.

“I don't want to be a lesbian...” Kim said, and it sounded even dumber than she'd thought it would. While only half-true, it was a half-truth she could at least accept right now.

All Shego could say in reply was, “Oh really?” She couldn't help grinning. Under the circumstances, what Kim had said just struck her as really, really funny.

“You're making fun of me.”

“Well, doy... I mean... what the hell does that mean, anyway?”

Kim sighed, “I don't know exactly what it means, Doc. I only know that I had to say it. I... I need to think...”

“I'll say.”

“Stop it.”

“I'm sorry,” Shego said, suddenly earnest. “I think I know what you mean. I just never thought of it... quite like that.” Shego paused, waiting for Kim to reply, but the other girl just couldn't get her mind back on track. And oh god, Kim was blushing again, too! That did it...

“So Kimmie... just one question – can I kiss you again? Sometime, I mean?”

Sometime? Kim was relieved that Shego had added that part. She didn't think she could take it right now. It would be too... awkweird. But “sometime”? She could live with that, while she thought things out.

“Yeah. And... I can kiss you too, right? Sometime?”

“If you must.” To her own surprise, Shego began to giggle, “But we're not gay...”

“So not gay!” Kim couldn't help joining in the giggling.

And they both thought, but didn't say, But we're still “pathetic”...

The second kiss – if a peck on the cheek counts – happened two nights later, after they'd said goodnight. The important thing was that Kim did the kissing this time. It opened the door. It would be Shego's turn next.

Third kiss -

Shego used her turn the next day, as they stopped in the middle of the Golden Gate bridge to admire the scenery. The fog was rolling in from the sea, just beginning to slide under the bridge and into the bay. As always, the fog brought with it a muffled stillness – the cries of seagulls just seemed to die in the blanket of moisture. They could hear each other panting from the run, and that was all. Standing side-by-side, Kim had reached over to hold Shego's hand. Their breathing slowed. In the sublime beauty of the evening, the sun just having set, the sky wild with red and blue, the only two people on the planet held hands and watched the fog. The color of the clouds reminded Shego of Kim's hair. Shego looked at Kim's hair. Kim, sensing the movement, looked back at Shego – and Shego kissed her.

Simple.

It only lasted a few seconds.

They ran back to the Tube, had dinner, read, and went to bed feeling happy and content. They shared another light kiss – their fourth. They went to sleep.

The next day, the same place – the fifth kiss – it lasted a minute. Open-mouth. Shego's arms around Kim's back, Kim's around Shego's waist. Then they backed off and looked at each other.

Then, by unspoken mutual consent, they kissed again for... long enough. Their tongues met, and Shego put one hand under Kim's sweater, and cupped Kim's breast through her bra.

Which was too much, too far, and too fast – for both of them. Shego hadn't really intended to do that. She thought she just wanted to touch Kim's skin, maybe press gently on her belly. And she did do that... it's just that she didn't stop there, lost in the kiss as she was. Kim's eyes opened and she pushed Shego abruptly away.

“Stop...”

“Sorry, Kim. I, uh, didn't really... uhm...”

“I have to know something, Shego. I have to know – are we... will...” Kim sighed, her courage draining away. No, courage or not, this she had to know, “Are we going to keep... seeing each other... when – and if – we go back to The World?” There. It was out. She'd asked the question. What a relief! What Kim hadn't thought about was – what if Shego actually answered?

Because Shego knew the answer, “There are... complications, Kim. I'm a criminal. I'm wanted in eleven countries. I wish... I wish things were different, but...” she sighed and turned away from the other girl's probing eyes, “I'd like to. I mean – if you would. I mean... I mean 'yes'. I think so. Yes.”

All Kim heard was “yes”. Shego wanted to be “a couple” with her. A gay “couple”. A lesbian “couple”. With her.

Now what? The question was tearing Kim exactly in half. As much as she wanted to be with Shego – just that much did she not want to be a “lesbian”. She wouldn't be able to stand it. And she was too much a public figure to keep it a secret. Everyone would know. Everyone would... suspect... the sort of things that they'd do together. Everyone would point...

“Kim? So... would you?”

Point and say things about her, and whisper to their friends. Some people would even hate her for it. There were certain jobs she'd never be allowed to have, like school-teacher, for one – not that she'd wanted to teach school – but to not be allowed to because -

“Could ya kind of hurry up and say something?”

... because she was “a lesbian” was just... outrageous! And forget about having kids, or getting married. Not in Colorado! Would the GJ even take a lesbian agent? Well, okay, maybe they would, but still, it was going to be a hurdle to jump everywhere she went, everything she'd do, everyone she'd meet...

“Okay. Okay Kim... Okay. Listen. I'll see ya later at home, all right? I have some things to do..”

“I... I can't, Shego...”

“Yeah. It's okay. I'll see ya later -”

“Shego -”

“It's okay, Kim!” Shego began to trot away in the direction of Oakland. She simply wasn't able to bear this anymore. She had to get away.

“Shego! Stop! Listen...” but Shego didn't stop, and broke into a full-on run instead. Kim could hear her shoes hitting the road, each step more inevitable than the last, each stride making them farther and farther apart. Maybe forever. Kim wanted to run after her, but couldn't move. Her heart wasn't breaking – it was being torn apart, she could physically feel it. Shego had one half, while Kim kept the other. Someone was going to have to let go. Shego was already fifty yards away, and her grip on Kim's heart was slipping. Shego was willing to let it go, then... was letting it go... with every slap of her soles on the pavement...

“SHEGO! I LOVE YOU!”

Chapter Text

Shego heard.

Shego stopped.

But Shego did not turn around. Not yet. She wanted to keep going, and a part of her mind even wondered what the hold-up was. Running away had been easy. And now... Now running away would be even easier! FAR easier than dealing with this. Kim loved her? LOVED her? Was Shego ready for that? Did Shego... love... Kim?

The 'L' word. Shego had never – she told herself - “loved” anyone. Not even her brothers. Her parents? That was a long time ago – before she even was “Shego”. “Shego” had never “loved” anyone. She was independent! She was her own woman! NO ONE told her what to do, NO ONE stood in her way, she depended on NO ONE, and she needed NO -

Okay... we know THAT's bullshit, don't we, Shego... And I suppose you were about to say you weren't AFRAID of anyone, either. Yeah. You're one hard woman, Shego. So how come you won't turn around? So how come you keep running away? Chicken-shit.

She turned around, if only to prove to herself that she could, that she wasn't afraid. There stood Kim, in shouting range, but distant enough that Shego could feel... safe from her. “Safe” was getting to be such a frustration. “Safe” was getting... boring? No, not “boring”... more like “painful”. Being “safe” was starting to hurt.

She began walking towards Kim, her mind racing, wondering what she was going to do when she got there. She felt hollow, dazed, weak. She felt vulnerable. She felt an actual pain in her chest, a pain that wasn't a pain - yet she could feel it, all the same, right in the center.

Kim was terrified of being “a lesbian”. Shego was terrified of – Kim? No, Shego knew what it was that terrified her. It wasn't Kim.

It was herself. It was what Kim did to her.

What am I going to say? What am I going to say? What am I going to say? Shego asked herself the question like a mantra, not really expecting an answer. No doubt, she'd say something “safe” when she got there.

She was there, in front of Kim, who was obviously waiting for her to say something. Shego knew what that wait was like. That was fresh in her mind. But... what am I going to say? Kim had said I love you...

“But?” Oh, good, Shego. Yup, that's “safe” all right. Good show. Way to save face. You chicken-shit, stupid... The pain-that-wasn't in her chest went up a notch, unbelievable as that was.

Kim didn't answer right away. Yes, there was a “but”. Didn't Shego understand? How could she not know? Why was she making Kim say it out loud?

Kim finally answered the question with another question, “Don't... doesn't it bother you that people will know... that I'm... that I'd be... your girlfriend?”

That was it? Shego's eyes narrowed, and her forehead wrinkled – the question was... ridiculous! What the hell did she mean 'bother her'? 'BOTHER' her?! Didn't Kim realize -

“Kimmie... I'd WANT people to know that you're my girlfriend! I'd want... EVERYONE to know that you're my girlfriend! I want it in the papers, I want it on TV, I want it on the radio - hell, I'd SCREAM it on the corner! I'll write it in the SKY! I want that idiot Howard Stern to ask me what it's like! I want Jay Leno to ask me how it happened! I want to kiss you on Letterman! Bother me?! Fucking HELL, Kim!”

Kim stood open-mouthed and wide-eyed during Shego's rant, unable to think. Finally Shego was done, and just stood there, looking at her like Kim was some sort of weird and maybe dangerous insect. Okay, apparently it didn't “bother” her. In fact...

Completely unexpected, Kim realized something about the other girl. She realized that this was Shego's way of saying something she couldn't just say – in an exasperated rant. A smile played on Kim's lips...

“You love me,” Kim said, as the truth sunk in.

The wrinkles disappeared from Shego's brow, her expression turning surprised. Uh-oh. Had she said that? She hadn't said that... Had she said that?

“Youuuuuu love me...”

“Kimmie...”

“You love me!” Her smile was beaming now.

“God-dammit, Kim...”

“YOU LOVE ME!!”

Shego had had enough, “Fine! Dammit - I love you!”

The pain-that-wasn't just disappeared. So did the fear. Right up to now, Shego had been afraid of how Kim made her feel. Well, no more.

Kim loves Shego, and Shego loves Kim.

Kids “love” candy, too. Pet-owners “love” their cats and dogs. New-Yorkers “love” New York, actors “love” applause, sisters and brothers “love” each other - and so do “lovers”.

Kim and Shego had both known what they'd meant by “I love you”, despite their differences in expression of the phrase. But now, that night, after walking hand-in-hand back from the bridge, a plain dinner of salad, pasta, bottled spaghetti-sauce - and small-talk, Shego sitting on the bed pretending to read up on emergency thoracic procedures, and Kim staring at herself in the mirror of the bathroom, they wondered – had the other meant the same thing?

Because if they had... then the next step was obvious. That's what “lovers” do, right? “Make love”? Isn't that why people become “lovers” in the first place? And even if it isn't, always, isn't that how you're supposed to show it? Isn't that the proof? Isn't that... what's expected? Isn't that what SHE expects? They both assumed it was.

Kim tried not to think about it. Okay, she could do it... sure. No prob. Make love with another woman. Yeah. Not just “another woman”, of course – Shego. Whom she loved. So, that made it okay, right? And Shego loved her too. She'd said so... had she really meant it like Kim had? “Trying not to think about it” wasn't working so well.

Don't think about it. Just do it. It'll be okay. I just hope I don't... mess it up, somehow...

Kim swallowed, and stepped out of the bathroom in her pajamas. It was show-time. She stood in front of Shego, who put her book down and looked up at her. Kim's hair was still damp. Between that, the anxious expression on her face, and the flannel, pink-elephant pajamas, she just looked... adorable. Shego had to blink to clear her head, forgetting her own anxiety about what as “supposed” to happen for the moment. That place in the center of her chest where she'd felt the pain now swelled, perhaps explaining why she was finding it hard to breathe.

Slowly, not really knowing what to do at this point, Kim looked down at her top, and began unbuttoning her pajamas.

Oh fuck... Shego thought, ohfuck ohfuck ohfuck... She wants to do this! She wants to do this NOW! Oh FUCK! Even though she'd been “sort of” expecting this, it was obvious to her now that she wasn't ready. Not at all. Kim wanted to do it, and suddenly, Shego wasn't so sure that she did.

At least, Shego thought Kim wanted to do it. Because Kim wasn't exactly looking... real happy about it or anything. This wasn't how Shego had imagined it would be... Kim looked... Well, she didn't look excited about it, anyway. Not that Shego was either. But if Kim had been, Shego could have at least gone with the flow. As it was, it seemed, there was no “flow”, and they both appeared to be playing the parts they were expected to play. That's how Shego felt, and that's how Kim looked.

Kim... don't do this... don't do this unless you really want to... She got up and stood in front of Kim to say something, but couldn't think of what.

Then, on her second-to-last button, still looking down at herself, Kim sniffled. She sniffled because, if what was about to happen, happened - it would mark the end of many things for her. Pretty much everything she'd ever imagined her life would be like, in fact. She'd already let go of Ron... Was she ready to let go of everything?

No. But she would anyway. If Shego wanted her to. But it still felt like an ending.

Shego knew now that this had to be stopped, that Kim was just going through the motions she thought was expected of her. This couldn't happen this way. It would... it would ruin everything if Shego let this go on. But... how to stop it?

The last button undone, Kim lifted her hands to the collar of the pajamas at her breasts, preparing to expose herself. She still didn't look up, although she could see that Shego was standing right in front of her.

Before Kim could close her fingers around the material, Shego was holding both her wrists.

“Don't...” was all Shego could think of to say. Now Kim looked up.

“But... I thought... you -”

“And I thought you, too, Kim” Shego interrupted. She sighed heavily, but didn't let go of Kim's wrists. She tried to think of how to put this. I don't think you're ready, Kim. That would shift the blame to Kim, make it sound like Shego was waiting on her. That would work. Kim would buy that.

But Shego couldn't do that. Kim was already scared enough... or sad enough... or... something enough. Shego wasn't going to save her own dignity if it meant taking away Kim's.

“I'm just not ready for this. I... Kim, I don't know... I don't know what I am anymore. Y'know? I don't know what I want. I don't know how... I want us to be.” All true, anything that hard to say had to be true. But Kim didn't look any happier. If only things could be... “Remember yesterday, Pumpkin? Kissing on the bridge, spaghetti, kissing goodnight? That was a good day, wasn't it?”

Still looking into her eyes, Kim nodded and said, “Yeah. That was good.” Still not happy, but at least not sad anymore. Kim looked at her expectantly.

“Well... can we just keep it like that?” Shego asked, adding, “When we do this... I don't want it to be... like this. If we do this, I mean. Let's just not... push it. Okay, Kim?”

That would fine with Kim, but it didn't answer the question she was dying to ask.

“Shego... did you mean it... when you said -”

“Yes. I love you, Kim. And I even thought I wanted to... But, it's kind of like...” try as she might, Shego couldn't think of a single appropriate analogy, “... it's the difference between imagining something and actually doing it, y'know?” She lowered her hands and let them slide into Kim's, holding them between their bodies as they stood there. “So... you're okay with waiting?” Shego needed to hear it, even if it was obvious.

Kim finally exhaled the breath she'd been unconsciously holding, “Yeah.” She let go of Shego's hand and began buttoning up her top again. “Thank you, God” she said under her breath.

Shego heard it though. Her trademark smirk appeared, “Well, it wouldn't have been that bad, Pumpkin.”

Kim couldn't help but smile.

Shego went on, “I mean, I'm pretty sure you would have lived through it...” Kim snorted and put her a hand over her mouth to hide her grin.

One last zing, “It wouldn't have been the End of the fucking World or anything...”

Finally, Kim laughed outright, and Shego - still smirking - felt like she had saved the world, for a change.

October was nearing, and it was time to move on. Kim had a lead that pointed her to San Diego – a long ways south from where they were. They knew better than to try to take the interstates to Los Angeles, and looked at the map to pick their route on secondary roads. Seeing places she'd only heard of so often, Kim wanted to take the scenic route – Yosemite, Death Valley, Sequoia National Park with the giant redwoods. Kim pointed out that she had enough reading and studying material for years now, so they were in no hurry. The Humvee was holding up well, so Shego was not hard to persuade.

The two-lane roads were thankfully fairly empty, and when they did run into jams, they were small ones and rarely involved the big trucks, so they made good time. They stopped at an overlook and gaped in tourist-style awe at Yosemite.

And in awe at the cheek-by-jowl city of RVs parked on the valley floor. They obviously weren't going there.

“Let's spend the night here” Kim suggested. Already early evening, the light was just beginning to play on the face of El Capitan. It was going to be a typically spectacular sunset.

“Yeah. Okay Kimmie. Anything for -” she stopped mid-sentence, hearing something rustling behind her. Something large. They both turned to see a fully-grown black bear snuffling it's way towards them. Kim went for her gun.

“Hold it” Shego whispered to her, catching Kim's hand on the holster.

“But -”

“Just be cool. He doesn't look hungry. Be cool.” The bear was still headed right for them. Kim wondered what the hell Shego's game was. This was a bear! A wild bear! And a damn big one, too! Coming right at them, snuffling and looking at them as it walked. It obviously had their scent, coming at them like that. He was probably fattening up for winter hibernation or something. What was Shego's plan? Use her plasma? Then why wasn't she lighting up? Why was she just standing there with that weird look on her face?

“She -” Kim began loudly.

“Shhh... It's okay. I'll handle it, all right?” She stepped forward, in front of Kim, between her and the bear.

Shego's plan for “handling it” was to let the bear kill her, if that's what it wanted to do. It wasn't so much a “plan” as it was simply a feeling she had. A feeling that overwhelmed her from out of nowhere, and yet was inescapable. She needed to atone. She needed it badly. The image of the living, burning bear in Colorado Springs kept replaying in her mind. She had done that. Not on purpose, but she had done it, nonetheless. And she was sorry. And she would pay, if payment was desired. She looked the bear right in the eye, thinking – without thinking - Here I am. If you want me, here I am. C'mon. I'm ready. I'm ready... Shego didn't even know that, if the bear had attacked her, she would have done nothing about it. An eye for an eye. A life for a life. Simple justice. Something she craved, for the first time. Something she would remember, too – wanting justice. So that's what it was like to be a good-guy. So that's how Kim felt... Well, this wasn't Kim's issue. Shego needed to do this her way.

The bear came right up to her and sniffed around her. Shego didn't move, except to keep staring into it's eyes. She didn't know what she was looking for. Recognition, perhaps. Understanding. Maybe she wanted the bear to understand why she was offering herself like this.

It reared up in front of her on it's hind legs, but didn't growl or roar. Instead, it appeared as if it just wanted a better look. The bear did look into Shego's eyes, but with no expression the woman could make out. Then it dropped back to all fours, turned around, and padded off in the direction from which it had come, snuffling as it went.

Shego breathed a sigh of sad relief. Glad to still be alive, but still un-absolved of her crime. Of course she was un-absolved. Had she really thought that this bear would know about that bear? That was stupid.

“That was stupid” Kim said, “Wanna tell me what it was all about?”

After another moment of regret, Shego turned to her and said only, “Yeah. It was.”

“So why -”

“Kim? Some other time, all right? Not now. I'll tell you about it... some other time. Please?”

Shego didn't say “please” very often – even now - so Kim didn't press it.

A week later they were entering Death Valley. The transition between verdant forest and stark, dead, desert happens quickly in California, and they were sad to leave the green behind. It would be the last they'd see of it for awhile.

“They put a water tank at the entrance to Death Valley? This isn't a good omen...”

“Scardey-cat.”

“Kim, this is serious. I'm not sure we should -”

“Look, in the middle of the map. 'Furnace Creek'. And little palm trees and stuff. There must be water there. C'mon, Doc, I've always wanted to see this...”

“You just like the name, is all. All that 'True Crime' you're reading is beginning to worry me.”

“My girlfriend's a criminal. I just wanna know how they think, is all” Kim joked.

“Uh-huh. Your 'girlfriend' also has a short temper, y'know.”

Kim prepared herself for The Pout, but Shego saw it coming and brushed her off, “Oh-kay, Kim - we're going, we're going! Doy... Don't do that!”

Jumping into her side of the truck, Kim leaned over and kissed Shego on the cheek, “I have the best girlfriend” she said.

Shego pretended to be busy shifting through the gears and driving, but she was thinking Girlfriend... Girlfriend... Girlfriend... She knew what Kim meant by the word.

Furnace Creek did indeed have water. Water everywhere, in fact – little ditches had been dug running beside neat lines of date-palms. They loaded up on dates.

Next week, it was giant trees. The first few were impressive. After being surrounded by them on all sides for a few hours as they drove, the novelty began to wear off. Luckily, none had fallen down and blocked the road. Shego could have cleared it with a plasma-blast, of course – and probably set the whole place on fire. That would have been a shame.

Winter was ending by the time they entered San Diego.

The found wonderful weather in San Diego, and ugly scenery. Without daily sprinklers to water everything, the city had returned to the desert from which it sprang. They could tell that it had once been a beautiful place – but they had to imagine the green, because it was all yellow and brown now. Everywhere.

They parked The Tube at the beach-side house of a Dr. Schifler, who apparently – reading between the lines of notes she'd found at the Professor's office in Berkeley – at least knew of a working prototype Transporter somewhere else. None of the Doctors or Professors seemed to ever say outright what it was they were up to, so Kim had to play detective as well as Physics Major. Hence her interest in cops and robbers – the crime-stories were teaching her how devious people thought.

“Kim! Come help me with this!” Shego yelled. She sounded excited. Kim marked her place in Monkey on a Stick and ran from her chair on the beach to see what was up.

“I hit it on the way to the reservoir. It just jumped right in front of me!” Shego was untying a mule-deer from the hood of the truck.

“Eww!”

“Yeah, I know. But I'm willing to deal with the 'eww' for a steak, Pumpkin. If you don't want any, you don't have to eat it.”

They pulled the animal off the hood and let it flop to the ground. They both stared at it.

“Doc, do you have any idea how to-”

“No, I don't. The only thing I've ever butchered was you. I don't suppose you...”

“Eww!”

“Jesus. Fine. I'll figure something out. How hard can it be?”

“I don't wanna watch.”

Shego frowned at her, “I'll remember that when I'm grilling the steaks.”

Kim thought of “steaks”, and then looked down at the dead animal again.

“Eww!”

“Look, just help me haul it... uh... to the basketball hoop over there. Then you can go and I'll take care of all the 'eww' stuff.”

Kim hauled, fetched rope, and brought Shego several knives from the kitchen. Then she left in a hurry before Shego had a chance to cut anything. She went back to her beach-chair on the other side of the house, so she couldn't see or hear anything.

An hour later, Shego came around the corner of the house, completely covered in blood – and... other stuff – from head to foot.

Kim looked at her wide-eyed and covered her mouth, in case she got sick.

“Don't you say a fucking word, Princess...” Shego scowled at her, “And bring me soap.” She made her way down to the ocean and began stripping off her clothes. Kim recovered her senses went into the house.

By the time Kim got back, Shego had rinsed most of the unidentifiable substances off herself, but the blood was going to require suds. Shego was standing in hip-deep water, and Kim, on the beach, tried to decide what to do. Throw her the soap? Wade in and hand it to her? She hadn't had a shower in two days either – fresh water was plentiful, but far away. She decided to bathe in the ocean as well, and began to strip down. Shego, feeling at least not quite so disgusting now, watched and waited.

This would be the first time she'd ever seen Kim naked. She realized, standing there staring, that she was looking forward to it. Kim knew she was being watched, and tried not to pay any attention, acting as business-like as she could, under the circumstances. Just get it over with fast, was the trick... She peeled off her panties and waded in as if she did this everyday, hoping the sun was bright enough to hide her blush. She also avoided looking at Shego by pretending that she had to watch where she was stepping.

Finally, when she got within arm's reach of the other woman, she looked up at her – consciously avoiding looking at Shego's breasts – and held out the soap.

But Shego wasn't interested in the soap, Kim saw. Instead, she had both hands covering her mouth and was obviously convulsing with giggles.

“What's so funny?”

“N – nothing, Kim...”

“C'mon, Doc. What? You've never seen a naked woman before?”

“Uh...” Shego just couldn't stop.

“WHAT!?”

“I guess, Kimmie... you could say I've never... uh... seen a natural red-head before...”

Oh... Kim thought. How embarrassing. But something about the way Shego was looking into her eyes told her she needn't be embarrassed.

“Yeah, well, I don't see many green nipples around either. You don't see me cracking up about it...”

That didn't seem to make much difference to Shego. In fact, she may have been giggling even more. “Oh, here's your soap!” Kim huffed.

Shego finally put her hands down and reached for it, saying, “Sorry, Pumpkin... I... it just never occurred to me...”

“What-ever, Doc.”

“Yeah” Shego chuckled one last time, “Anyway, thanks for the soap. Red.”

Kim shot her a look, but Shego only grinned in return.

“Oh!”

“Mmmm...”

“Oh... Doc...”

“Mmm?”

“I never knew it could be like this... Oh, Shego... You're SO good at this...”

“Pass the salt, Red.”

Stuffed with more meat than she should have eaten, Shego took her place reclining at the end of the couch in the Tube. The trailer had become “home” now, and there didn't seem to be much use in finding generators to power the house up when they'd just as soon not “move in” anyway. By this time – nearly six years – most engines need a full tune-up before they'd start anyway, so getting a generator to work was at least two days worth of work and running around for parts.

“Movie night?” Kim asked, looking over the video-library.

“Not if it's gonna be another murder-mystery” Shego frowned.

“I am not obsessed, Doc! It's... it's just a phase. I never knew I liked 'em so much. Kind of like you...” Kim grinned to herself and plopped herself down – in Shego's lap, her back to the other woman's front. Kim pulled Shego's arms around herself like a shawl. She was wearing her pajamas as usual, but was more care-free in how far she buttoned it up, these days. Shego had a nice view down her top.

It wasn't the first time they'd assumed these positions, but it was the first time Kim had been so... “physical” about it. The simple fact was, Kim was horny. Maybe it was all that protein. She'd been thinking about sex with Shego pretty much constantly since she'd that night in San Francisco when she'd sort of dreaded that it might happen. She wondered why the “dread”, what was she afraid of? Over the course of the following months, her thoughts had gradually changed on the matter. It would be... good, she thought now. It would be fun, probably. And since seeing her naked that afternoon, she was thinking more and more about the “fun” part. Kim was ready for some “fun”. And Shego felt good behind her, her arms wrapped around Kim's belly.

If only she could tell Shego that she was ready. If only she knew if Shego was ready. That night in San Francisco when Kim had kissed her hand unintentionally, and Shego had kissed her back – on the mouth... if only that could happen now...

Kim unwrapped one of Shego's hands from around her and brought it up to her face.

“Show me again?” she asked.

Without saying anything, Shego lit the hand with heat-less plasma. She knew what was happening. Good idea, Pumpkin, she thought. Seeing Kim naked – while funny at first – had taken it's toll on her from then on. She couldn't get Kim's body out of her mind. Nor was she trying to.

Kim studied the plasma for awhile, just as before, and pressed her lips to the back of Shego's hand, just as before. Shego closed her eyes. This was so nice... Kim in her lap, her lips pressed against her hand, the view down her top...

She didn't notice Kim undoing two more buttons.

She did notice when Kim removed her lips from her hand and slipped it underneath her top and onto her left breast. Shego cupped it, lifting gently. She could feel Kim's nipple in her palm. She wondered what that felt like for Kim -

No, she knew that that felt like for Kim.

She abruptly removed her hand from Kim's pajamas, and from around her waist.

“Get off” she said brusquely.

“Huh?” Kim tried to recover – what had happened? Things were going so well...

“Get off, Kim!” Shego was trying to push on Kim's back with both hands.

“She -”

“OFF!” Shego nearly screamed. Now she pushed Kim forcibly forward and jumped up off the couch. She was breathing hard. Her face looked panicked, Kim saw.

Shego seemed to be looking around for something, almost as if she didn't know where she was. She looked down at Kim, still on the couch, “Kim... I... I gotta go. I gotta get outta here...” Five steps and she was out the door. It slammed shut behind her.

Kim sat in stupefaction. What the hell? Even if Shego weren't ready, there was obviously more going on than just that. And besides, the way she'd squeezed and cupped her breast... she sure seemed like she enjoyed the touching. So what the hell? What the fuck!? And then she just leaves? Where did she think she was going to go, anyway?

Should she follow her? Maybe she should just leave Shego alone for awhile... Maybe this was a personal demon thing. Kim knew what that was like. She was still trying to come to grips with what it might be like to be a “lesbian” back in The World... but... what was Shego's problem?

If I care about her, I'll find out. On the other hand, she obviously doesn't want me around... On the other hand... she looked so... scared... I don't think she was thinking straight. On the other – no. I love her, and something's wrong. If she loves me, she'll talk to me. I'm going!

Shego hadn't gone far. Kim found her sitting on the beach, watching the last gray fade from the sky, knees up to her chest, rocking. Wordlessly, Kim sat next to her.

After a minute, Shego said, “Sorry.”

“ 'S okay” Kim replied, and said nothing more. She was going to let Shego do this on her own terms.

Another minute later, “I suppose you wanna hear the whole story...”

Kim thought carefully about her answer, “I just want to be close to you.”

Shego sighed heavily. This sucked. The whole night ruined. At least the whole night. God-damn you, Dad...

“I was eight. Mom had taken Henry – 'Hego', I mean – to some kind of play he was supposed to do a report on, so it was just me an' Dad at home. It was early evening – like it is now. He... He...” Shego didn't finish.

Oh, god... Kim thought, not her Dad... Oh Doc, I'm so sorry... I can't imagine – I don't even want to imagine...

“You don't have to tell me, Doc. It's okay.”

“Yes I do, Pumpkin. It's not like you're probably thinking. It's... it's just so stupid!!”

More minutes passed in silence.

“All he did was touch me on the tit. I didn't even have tits! And just for a little while. He was fondling me – I figured it out later. Years later. He only did it that once, and only for a little while. I didn't even know what was going on, like I said. I didn't think anything about it. But... it all went to shit after that.”

Kim breathed a silent sigh of relief. She'd been afraid it was going to be the kind of story one read about in the papers. All he did was touch her tits? And just once? Yeah, that was... dirty of him, but... there had to be more to it than that. Kim wasn't going to press for it, but it seemed like Shego needed some prodding, at this point.

“How did it 'go to shit', Doc?”

“I loved my Dad, Kim. I loved him! I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced cheese! He taught me how to read, he taught me how to ride a bike... we used to go fishing at this little farm-pond in the summer... just us... sometimes with Mom and Henry, but sometimes just us. We were great together. But after that – it just stopped. He wouldn't talk to me – unless he had to. He wouldn't look at me – unless he had to. He never wanted to do anything – with me. After that, it was all Henry, all the time. Like I never existed.”

Kim waited for more.

“And I couldn't figure out why, Kim! I thought I'd done something! He hated me, and I didn't know what I'd done! I didn't even connect it with – that evening – until years later! I thought it was me! And... and even after I did figure it out... then it was even worse. I mean, what was he expecting me to do? Get turned on? Want him to do it again? What the hell did he WANT from me?”

Kim put her arm around Shego's back, but she didn't seem to notice.

“And it gets worse, Kim. Y'know how once you start getting tits you start to notice people... checking you out? Maybe start to throw 'em around a little bit?”

“Uhm...”

“Yeah, well, I did. So, I figured, that was what my Dad wanted, right? So I started sorta... flashing him. A little. Not exactly 'flashing' but... anyway, I guess I finally got a little too obvious, and he blew up at me. I was maybe eleven... I don't know. I got the message – he wanted nothing to do with me. At all. Ever. I've hated him ever since. I still don't know what the bastard expected from me...”

“Maybe he just wanted to forget it ever happened” Kim said before she could remember to mind her own business.

Shego stopped rocking and looked at her, “What?”

“I'm sorry... I shouldn't have -”

“What did you SAY, Kim...”

No going back now. Too late to keep her mouth shut after having already opened it. “I said that he might have just wanted to forget it had ever happened. It sounds like he was a good Dad until... then. Maybe he was just too guilty and ashamed about it to look you in the eye anymore.”

Shego was staring at her with an expression Kim couldn't make out, so she pretended to gaze out into the ocean.

“I shouldn't have opened my big fat mouth, Doc. I'm sorry.”

Shego kept staring for a moment, then joined her looking at the white line of breakers in the distance.

After a few minutes of this, she said, “Well... he could've said something. I would've... I mean, if I'd known...” The idea that her Dad might have touched her like that in a moment of weakness – that her Dad might have even had a “weakness” - was new to her. Shego had made her mind up about her father when he'd blown up at her, in fifth grade, and had never reconsidered the situation since. Now, with adult awareness, and with adult weaknesses of her own, she understood. God-damn it, Dad, she thought again, but sadly this time, Why didn't you SAY something? We could've talked about it! We could've... God-damn it...

“Kim? Could you leave me alone for a minute? I'll be back in awhile.”

“Uh... sure, Shego” Kim said, getting up, “Sorry about -”

“Thanks. For everything, Kim. I mean it.”

Kim left, and Shego re-thought her entire life. That was what she'd held against her brothers, all this time – Dad's attention. That was why she'd eventually quit Team Go. That was why she'd become a self-indulgent villain. One way or another, what had happened between her and her Dad had set the whole course of her life. Except for this part. The Kim Possible part. He had nothing to do with that. Once again, Kim had proved herself to be the best thing that had ever happened to her.

Kim was lying in bed on her side, as usual, when Shego crawled in with her. But she wasn't asleep, “Okay, Shego?”

“I will be, Pumpkin. Thanks to you.” Shego rolled over and began to put her arm around the redhead's belly, as usual, when she stopped mid-reach.

“Kim? I... uhm... Could I be... I mean...” she sighed, there had to be a better way to say this, without sounding -

“Know what Doc? Why don't you roll over tonight...” Kim said, turning over to face her. Shego tilted her head forward so that their foreheads touched. “I have the best girlfriend.” She kissed Kim on the lips and rolled over.

Now Kim snuggled against Shego's back, her nose in the nape of Shego's neck. A first for her; she discovered that she liked it more than she'd thought she would - being the spooner instead of being the spooned. She smiled to herself. So much to discover! She wondered if she should say “I love you, Shego”. That would feel right...

But really, there was no need. It wouldn't feel any more “right” than it already did, anyway.

“Doc? When are you going to tell me about the bear thing?”

Shego actually chuckled. That story would so anti-climatic now. “In the morning, Red. I'll tell you all about it in the morning, okay?” Shego smiled to herself. It wouldn't even be hard, now.

That far south, winter wasn't really a problem for them, so as soon as Kim had found what she was looking for – a hint about where to go next – they were off, crossing the deserts of Arizona, into the hills of New Mexico, and finally the Texas panhandle. If their rate of progress held, they expected to make Chicago by summer.

I-40 through Texas was the definition of boredom. Plains, plains, plains. At least they were green plains – it was late Spring now. And the wind! Some days it roared past them on it's way north hard enough to blow the Humvee from one lane into the other – if Shego had been paying attention to the lane markings. They'd seen some incredible thunderstorms in New Mexico, nature's fury unleashed. Shego was hoping to see a tornado on their way up the mid-west, and Kim chided her for it – that would be the last thing they'd need to see.

Up ahead, there seemed to be a dark fog, or cloud, or something...

“Probably another wild-fire” Kim said, wondering if, by definition, all fires weren't “wild-fires” now. They'd seen enough of them in California, more in New Mexico. Apparently they were part of a natural cycle, re-asserting itself. Forces of Nature were impressive in their scale.

The one coming up would scare them to death.

Splat! Something big and juicy exploded against the windshield.

“Damn! Big sucker...” Shego commented.

“Probably trying to get away from the fire up ahead” Kim guessed, looking up from her book. Shego narrowed her eyes. There was something odd about that “cloud”.

“That looks weird for a -” Splat! Splat-Splat!

“Christ! Let's roll up the windows Red.” They could see guts and wings and legs sliding up the windshield. Whatever they were, they were big insects.

Within a minute, Shego had to stop. She couldn't see anymore. Locusts.

“I've never seen so many grass-hoppers!” Kim exclaimed, still more excited than anything at this point. Shego only sat in silence. She had a bad feeling about the “funny cloud” ahead. It was moving their way, for one. Fast.

A minute later, “Oh, fuck, Kim...”

Kim was too awestruck to answer. Locusts were blotting out the sun. She scooted over on the seat to be next to Shego.

There wasn't much to say, not that either of them could think. Billions of locusts were alight, high and low, covering the ground, filling the air. It got dark. Now they couldn't see, but still heard the sounds. The buzzing was all-pervasive, and when they'd light on the truck, they could hear the clicking and scraping of legs on the sheet-steel. If they'd been caught outside, unprotected... Would the bugs eat meat? Surely not. Still, even if they just took one bite each, enough to find out that human flesh wasn't tasty...

Kim buried her head in Shego's arm, and Shego twisted in her seat to let her. Eventually, Shego buried her head too – in Kim's hair - just so she wouldn't have to look into the darkness and wonder what was happening. They held each other like that for a long time, and still the locusts came on.

They were safe in the Humvee. They knew that. Their rational minds told them that. The air was filtered, they had power, light. If they'd needed it, they could have had heat or air-conditioning, too. They knew they really had nothing to worry about. It was just that... the bugs were blotting out the sun! It was just that the awful sound was inescapable! It was just that... they were absolutely and completely helpless to something of this... magnitude! An individual bug was nothing, but - out-numbered several billion to one – they were nothing to the swarm of insects. Kim and Shego, their Humvee, their trailer, were as insignificant as an ant to a bull-dozer. Somehow, they could feel that, and it made them afraid.

Shego began kissing the top of Kim's head, as much for her own comfort as for Kim's. Kim's hands and arms roamed on Shego's body, as if to make sure she was really still there. They were just comforting and re-assuring each other.

At least, that's how it started.

Kim's hair smelled good, and she was warm, and she was firm, and she was... so much nicer to deal with than what was going on outside. Kim felt the same way – Shego felt good, she felt good with Shego, and she'd rather think about that than... the other thing. Kim shifted herself higher in the seat, raising her head to Shego's neck-level, burying her face there, rubbing her nose and lips along her neck and collar-bone. Losing herself in the other woman's fragrance, warmth, texture... better to be lost there, than to know where she really was. Shego lost herself in Kim's attentions, and let her hands roam – soon they were under Kim's denim jacket, and not long after, under the t-shirt under the jacket.

Shego lifted Kim's head in order to bring their mouths together. There was no hesitation on Kim's part.

This had been building for almost two months now. They were both ready, they had both come to terms with their desire for each other, admitted it, embraced it, even revelled in it – but they were still waiting, waiting for the right time, waiting for some signal from the other. Each afraid to go first. Did Kim still fear being branded with a label? Had Shego gotten over the incident with her father? Neither knew, and neither could ask. So they had been waiting.

Now they didn't need to ask. Given the raw power of nature that engulfed them and their little truck, and their insignificance in the face of it, such things were too silly, too inconsequential to even consider. In the darkness inside the Humvee, they tore off each other's clothes and began to satisfy themselves - and each other in the process. It was frantic, it was hurried, there was no speaking. They both had the feeling that time was running out, somehow, that it was important to do this, to do as much as possible before... before... while they could. The sun was gone. It seemed perfectly reasonable to think it would never come back. So they needed each other now! and they took each other now!

They hurt each other, too. Grabbing too hard, squeezing harder, gripping and pounding and scratching without meaning too, just too absorbed in either what was being done to them, or what they were doing to the other, to take notice. It was not sweet and tender. It was feral. Shego scratched, Kim bit. Somehow the pain became confused with the passion, and Shego scratched harder, Kim bit deeper. Before it was over, they would both have bleeding teeth-marks in their flesh, and their backs would be covered with raw, red lines, and blood.

Maybe it was the pent-up frustration. Maybe it was the anxiety of the situation. Maybe it was the feeling that it was now-or-maybe-never.

Or maybe Forces of Nature just come in pairs.

Chapter Text

The love-making – if it could be called that – lasted four hours. The swarm lasted six. It was 5 a.m. before Kim woke up needing to pee, and had to consider how to extricate her self from the tangle she was in with Shego. They were lying feet-to-head across the front bench-seat of the truck, between each other's legs, so there was absolutely no way for Kim to get up without waking Shego – or so she thought. Thankfully, Shego remained asleep throughout the de-tangling, and Kim breathed a sigh of relief. That would have been embarrassing.

A little later, she stood naked in the cool blue pre-dawn, leaning against the front-fender of the Humvee, and considered what had happened – and wondered how she felt about it. She couldn't even remember many parts, it had been that savage. She certainly didn't remember how she'd ended up in that position. Other things she remembered with vivid clarity – almost all of them things she'd done to the other woman, hardly any of them the things Shego had done to her. Tell-tale bite-wounds and scratches – some in odd places – told her that she'd gotten as good as she gave, though. She was sore all over... everything hurt.

So, your first lesbian sex, Kim. Like it? she thought to herself with an inward smirk. Last night was not the norm – she knew that much. It had been strange. Like they were animals. Like she was an animal – all instinct, stimulus, and response. Mindless. Emotionless, for that matter. Like a dog that will eat until it's sick, just because the food is there, even if it throws up afterward. It can't see past the craving for food, even if it doesn't need food. That's what it had been like. Kim had needed, Shego was there, so she took her. And apparently, it was mutual. It was not what she'd hoped for. No, she didn't like it. Not really. It wasn't something she'd care to ever experience again. Oh, she'd had orgasms. Orgasm after orgasm after orgasm – but they were meaningless, they were animal orgasms, they were... biological, physical, and that was all.

“You okay, Red?”

At some point in Kim's reverie, Shego had awoken and was now joining her – also naked – by the truck. Kim looked at her and then tried to hide her shock. Shego had blood everywhere – a little blood goes a long way – her hair was matted, she had deep bruises on her breasts, thighs, sides, arms... she looked as if she'd just lost a fight with a buffalo. Actually, most of the bruises were either caused by the steering-wheel or the gear-shift.

Partly to cover her shock at seeing Shego that way, she answered the question quickly, “Actually, I hurt all over, Doc. I mean – all over...”

“Yeah, me too... but what I meant was...” finally daring to make eye-contact, Shego got a good look at the younger woman. “Oh my god, Red... do I look as bad as you do?”

It felt oddly good to hear Shego ask that. It was an good question. It showed self-awareness, consciousness of others, intelligence. It was not something an animal would say.

“Probably, Doc. And yeah, I'm okay.” It was funny how the awkwardness was dissipating with each word spoken between them, “So that was... weird, huh?” she asked, breaking the ice on the subject. Then she noticed something, “Why are you limping?”

“Uhm... someone bit me on the bottom of my foot. Among other places” Shego made a point of rubbing her butt, “And yeah. 'weird' is a good word for it. Do I – uhm - Do I need to apologize for anything?” Shego was wondering if it was all her doing last night. Animals are naturally self-centered, especially about sex.

The question made Kim smile to herself. If they were to start apologizing to each other, it might go on a long time...

“Not if I get the shower first.”

“Oh. Well... damn. Hurry up, then.”

They didn't even think about making love again until St. Louis, by which time their wounds were scabbed-over. When they did, it still wasn't the stuff of erotica. It was mostly trial and error, and what sex there was was manual, not oral.

They discovered they were different. It shouldn't have been surprising, but it kind of was, all the same. They liked, and didn't like, different things. They liked some of the same things in different ways. It became painfully obvious (literally) that the missing ingredient from the love-scenes on television, in the movies, and in print, was communication.

Shego, for instance, kept having to tell Kim to squeeze her nipples harder, harder! HARDER! because to Kim, it would have been just flat-out incredibly painful. Kim couldn't imagine such a thing feeling good, but apparently Shego got into it. A lot.

Kim, on the other hand, seemed to have a hard time finding Shego's clitoris. “Over to the left. MY left, Red. Doy! Can't you feel – Jesus, not like that!”

Kim liked fast, Shego liked slow; then again, Kim liked slow sometimes, but Shego rarely liked fast. Shego was much more into breasts than Kim – from either perspective. Shego enjoyed massage-like caresses on her body, deep and powerful, while Kim enjoyed being touched so lightly that Shego couldn't even be sure she was touching her. Kim became frustrated because Shego was so silent – she had to keep asking how she was doing. Shego was frustrated too because Kim would keep subtly changing what she was doing just when Shego would start to really get into it. Neither of them had ever thought it would be so complicated, or require such Zen-like concentration on what they were doing. And they had to tell each other all these things. Being in love didn't make one a mind-reader, apparently.

One night, just across the Illinois border -

“Uh... Doc? Don't...” Kim said as Shego began to kiss her way down her belly, obviously intending to go a step further than they had as yet, “I'm... I'm not ready for that yet.”

More than just a little disappointed, Shego stopped and laid her head on Kim's stomach. She traced the outline of Kim's appendectomy scar idly with a finger. Okay, she could wait. She had really been looking forward to this, though – getting a personal taste of Red's passion. She would've liked it. She was pretty sure Kim would've liked it. Why was Kim stopping her, anyway? Really, it didn't make sense...

“Red, uhm... what's the matter? I'd like to do this. I want to do this...”

Kim sighed – she wouldn't have minded Shego going down on her the least bit of course. She just knew that she wasn't ready to go down on her yet. But, how to say that?

“I... I just don't think... I'm ready, is all. That I could... y'know...”

A light went on in Shego's head. “Kim, look. It's okay. You don't have to do me because I do you, okay? Really, that hadn't even occurred to me... I just... want to. I'm not expecting... anything. If you never want to, that'll be okay too, all right?”

“You're sure? I mean... you mean it?” Kim asked, because she didn't think she ever would want to do that. She was wrong, of course... but that's how she felt at the time.

“New rule, Red: No Expectations. Okay? No Pressure. You don't wanna do something – don't. You don't like something – you tell me. And vice-versa. Speaking of which, you know I don't like being touched all feathery like you do, right? I wish you'd stop doing that. It makes me itch.”

“But -”

“Kim?”

Kim rolled her eyes - it was just hard to believe that Doc didn't like the “feathery” touches - “Oh, all right. But... I gotta go pee first” she lied. In fact, she wanted a chance to clean herself up before Shego... got so close. Unable to understand why Shego would want to put her mouth... down there... she was naturally self-conscious about it.

“You're killing me here, Pumpkin...”

“Please? I gotta pee!”

They reached Chicago in early fall, camping out at the Argonne National Laboratory on the edge of the city. Shego began making preparations for the coming winter – likely to be harsher than what they'd been used to, even in Colorado, while Kim hunted down offices and labs.

Kim's hunt was not very productive. She didn't really know what she was looking for, and more or less just hoped that anything useful would jump out at her. Nothing did. Most of the time, she wasn't sure what she was looking at, either, and had to hunt around the laboratories for clues. Apparently a lot of space was devoted to nano-tube technology, and there was the collider cloud-chamber, of course, for sub-atomic physics... but there was certainly no sign denoting the “Parallel-Universe Transportation Prototype Lab”. Most of her time was outright wasted, and she felt bad about that.

Winter was cold, gray, and windy - “The Windy City” is aptly named. Furthermore, the cold and gray just does not stop, week after week after week. One might get a break from the wind from time to time – but rarely the gray, and never the cold. The abandoned city was incredibly bleak, the days were incredibly short, the nights incredibly dark, and it took it's toll on the both of them.

At least the trailer was cozy – Shego spent a lot of time making sure it stayed that way. If their heater were to break down in the middle of a Chicago winter... it would be bad, so a good part of her routine consisted of checking and double-checking the systems that kept them warm.

Kim had the trailer to herself much of the day. She rarely left it – going outside involved a good deal of preparation in the way of clothing, flashlight, gun, snow-boots, ice-cleats fitted onto the snow-boots, gloves, parka, balaclava to keep the wind off her face if she expected to be out any length of time... it was just a huge ordeal, so she simply stayed inside.

And played Mahjongg on her laptop.

Kim had been studying Mathematics and Physics at a furious rate for nearly seven years, and yet she felt no closer to getting them back home than she did on day one. The math had no end. Neither did Physics. The closer she looked into them, the more there was to see, and she began to hate it. Now twenty-two years old, Kim had educated herself up to doctoral-candidate level material, but the simple fact was that there were no courses in what she wanted. So now she was on her own, and it was getting her down.

So, rather than open yet another file-folder filled with excruciating detail about something she didn't need to know, or access another disk full of hundreds or thousands of megabytes of information she didn't want – she played Mahjongg. But she always kept a window of equations handy in case Shego came in.

Along with the gray, the cold, and the dreary, now the guilt wore on her as well.

“Learn anything interesting today?” Shego would ask idly as she removed her cold-weather gear.

Kim would make up something, “Oh, just some stuff about vector calculus in zero dimensions...”

“Mmm” Shego would say, the phrases going right over her head as usual, “Movie tonight?”

Unable to stand having to talk to Shego, to lie to Shego, to dig her hole any deeper, Kim would often just say, “I'm really tired Doc. Let's just go to bed... ”

And as often as not, Shego would reply, “Yeah, you go ahead, I gotta take a shower.”

By February their love-making had tapered off to weekly, or maybe a little less. As little as Kim thought she could get away with. It was like a kind of torture, being made love to by someone she was “cheating on”. Shego was still doing all the chores, and still offering to help Kim in any way she could. Shego obviously wanted to go home, and every disparaging remark she would make about Chicago, the weather, or just things in general, made Kim feel all the guiltier. Several times, Kim offered to help Shego with her rounds, but Shego would always say that she could handle it, that Kim's work was too important. Kim wouldn't argue. It was awful.

The night-time spooning had eventually stopped, too. Kim had used the excuse that she liked to roll around a lot – a lie she had to keep going from then on by making a point of lying on one side and then the other before she finally went to sleep.

Shego also sensed that something was wrong, but gave Kim the benefit of the doubt. When the sex had tapered off, she just thought Kim might be having “lesbian issues” again. When the cuddling ended, she thought that maybe Kim had a point – it was good to be able to move around before going to sleep, sometimes. She could believe that. There was something else though... something about the corners of Kim's mouth... something about the way her eyebrows moved, and her tone when speaking. For one thing, Kim was getting sarcastic, verging on snide. It reminded her a lot of herself. For another, she never seemed to take anything seriously anymore... which wasn't like Kim Possible at all. Not at all.

Sometimes, it would get so bad for Kim that she would force herself to read things just so she could make believe she was holding up her end of the bargain, if only for a little while. Often she'd read the same paragraph, or stanza of equations over and over and over, not understanding, just reading. On the increasingly rare occasions when she did make an attempt to understand, it would just made her even more sad. She couldn't be sure – none of the various PhD's and engineers had ever run through the equations for her particular situation of trying to get back to a unique universe; but by this time, Kim could see the general direction things were taking, at least in a theoretical sense – and it didn't look good. One hateful symbol kept appearing just when she'd think she was on to something – the sideways eight, infinity.

This went on through March, and into April, when Kim, desperate for a change – ANY change – suggested they pack up and head for Boston while the weather was good, or at least improving. They left on the first of May. They had a little party, and Kim tried her best to smile as if everything was great, things were looking up.

That may well have been the most horrible day of Kim's life. She could feel the lies snowballing.

Going was slow as they worked their way through Ohio – Cleveland was a nightmare of big trucks everywhere – but got a little better on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. It was early summer, two-thirds of the way to Massachusetts, when the snowball finally crushed Kim entirely:

“Damn, I thought I'd never get that tanker out of the way, Red!” Shego said, coming into the trailer where Kim was “studying”. “I had to hook on to one end and then the other, pulling each one just a little... back and forth back and forth, winch to truck, back to the winch, back to the truck... Finally got 'er done, though. All by myself too!” she chided Kim, meaning it as a joke.

Kim, of course, didn't take it that way. “God-damn it Doc, how many times have I offered to help!? And you always brush me off like 'Oh, I can take care of it, I don't need you to help me!' I'm capable of doing a FEW things, y'know! I HAVE saved the world a few times!!”

“Jesus, Kim... it was just a joke... I know you've got studying to do in here, so I leave you alone to -”

“Well I'm SICK of studying, Shego! You hear me? I HATE studying! I HATE math! You think this is easy for me? I HATE IT!!” Kim screamed. Shego looked at her in shock – this was all news to her. Back at the farmhouse, when she'd used to watch Kim through the window, she'd seemed positively excited, sometimes.

Kim caught her breath and went on, “And I don't need you REMINDING me that it's you who's doing everything around here! I'd LOVE to get out of this fucking trailer! It's like a prison in here! I'm SICK OF IT, SHEGO!” With that, she stormed past and out the door, leaving Shego dumbfounded.

What the hell... Shego wondered, She's acting like I did something! Well, hell, I've been doing EVERYTHING! She looked at her greasy, bruised, and calloused hands, and began to feel what everyone wrongly-slighted feels – she got just as mad at Kim as Kim had appeared to be at her. She has nothing to be mad about! Stupid bitch! If anyone has a right to be mad, it's ME! Every fucking thing I've done has been for YOU, you asshole! FUCK YOU, Kim!

She tore open the door to give Kim a piece of her mind. Where was she... Ah, there she was - “Hey! Listen here you -”

Curled up in a ball next to the fender of a beat-up pickup by the guard-rail, head in her hands, her entire body convulsing with sobs. Taking her frustrations out on Shego had been the last straw. Kim couldn't stand it any more.

“K – Kim?” Shego was completely at a loss. Her mind recoiled at seeing Kim crying like this, and the shift from the way she'd been thinking only a second earlier was too much for her – Shego could only stare in shock for a long moment.

After the shock, on the tail of it, a new thing took over Shego's mind. She loved Kim, and Kim was hurting. She didn't know why, she didn't know what to do, she didn't know what to say – and it didn't matter. She went to her, put her arms around her, and lifted her into a standing hug. Kim tried to protest, tried to beat her away by hitting her randomly, child-like. Shego took no notice, and just held her tighter, until the beating stopped, and Kim began to sob helplessly into Shego's shoulder.

This went on for twenty minutes. Shego didn't say “There, there” nor did she pat Kim on the back, she just stood there and held her and let her cry.

Eventually, Kim began to speak, haltingly at first, her words broken by sobs, but clearer and faster as she went on. She told Shego how she'd spent whole days – weeks - playing games on her computer. She told Shego that she'd been cheating, how she'd been doing it, how she'd been hiding it. She told Shego everything, and feeling as she did, she made it all sound far worse than it really was. Because she was telling Shego how she felt, and she felt... bad. Very, very, very bad. Useless. Lying, cheating, taking Shego for granted, taking the things Shego did for granted, expecting it of her, knowing she could get away with it. Getting away with it. Relieved that she got away with it...

She said that Shego deserved better than being stuck with Kim Possible.

And Shego just held her, through it all.

It was getting dark by the time the embrace ended, and Kim finally looked up, sniffling, into Shego's eyes to take her punishment, absolutely sure she'd find hate and disgust there.

“It's all right, Red...”

Kim just stared while it sank in. It's all right, Red...

“Kim... It's okay. Really. It's okay.”

How could that be? How could Kim have done all these things, for all this time, and Shego just say it's okay? And yet, Shego's face confirmed what her mouth had said. Somehow, for some reason Kim would never understand... it was “okay”.

So it wasn't that Shego didn't deserve Kim... It was that Kim didn't deserve Shego.

Kim resumed the embrace and cried until nightfall.

Next morning, bleary-eyed and groggy, the two of them got up, showered, and dressed in silence. It was a morning routine, and what with the long night, they couldn't think very clearly anyway. Kim began making the pot of instant coffee, while Shego got out the bowls and poured cereal, then went to mix up a pitcher what passed well enough for “milk” - a combination of dried milk powder and canned, condensed milk.

“I still can't believe you're just going to forgive me like that...” Kim said. She had accepted that Shego had, but still had trouble believing it. That it was over. All that anxiety, all that pain, guilt, depression – all over, just like that.

Shego had told her that as far as she was concerned, it would be okay if Kim dropped everything. It had always been a long-shot, she'd said. She'd known that. She said she'd been completely in awe that Kim had accomplished what she had. Shego wouldn't have been able to do that. Shego even hinted that maybe life here might not be so bad – as long as Kim could be there with her. She could be happy with just that.

Shego had taken the weight of the world off Kim's shoulders. When Shego had asked if they should just return to Middleton, Kim had thought about it, and decided that under the circumstances, they'd might as well go on to Boston. But that they might be there awhile. Shego had smiled and said, “Okay, Red”. Then they went to sleep. Kim being the spooned one, as usual. Another lie forgiven, and forgotten.

Smiling, not quite a smirk, Shego replied, “Actually, it was kind of a relief, Pumpkin. Finding out that you weren't friggin' perfect after all, y'know.”

“I never said I was 'perfect'” Kim said, accepting the tease with glad relief.

Standing at the counter, Kim was waiting on the microwave to heat the water. Shego turned to her, now smiling wryly, and said, “You never had to, Red.” Then she kissed Kim just in front of her ear, and went back to mixing up the milk.

A simple kiss, an honest kiss, a kiss accepted without guilt. It had been a long time. It was nice.

In fact, Kim could use more of that...

Much more of that... She embraced Shego from behind and buried her face in her neck, her passion growing – as she might have put it – geometrically in a power-series of squares.

The Humvee didn't move that day.

They reached the outskirts of the Northeastern Megalopolis in mid-summer, and it soon became apparent that blindly fighting their way through the traffic jams was just not going to work. Even driving off-road wasn't going to solve the problem. To get where they wanted to go, they were going to have to scout ahead and then pick the best – not necessarily shortest – way to get there. Shego got a pair of small dirt-bikes prepped, Kim found some two-way radios they could use, and prepared map packs for them.

Once the route was scouted, they might make twelve miles a day. The trailer was the problem – the Humvee could go over or through most anything, but not the trailer. As a result, they decided on having dual homes: the trailer at Lincoln Labs, in Lexington, on the outskirts of the city proper, and a second “home” in an RV already on the M.I.T. Campus, which Shego got running and parked next to the Applied Physics building, downtown. This set-up had logistical difficulties – the motorcycles were going to be useless in winter, and now there were two abodes to keep powered, watered, and working.

They divided up responsibilities, now that Kim was taking a less pressured, more relaxed approach to her studies. The first problem was transportation – twenty miles separated the two bases of operation. So finally, after eight years of being driven everywhere, Kim was going to learn to drive a manual transmission.

Shego found another Humvee that had been put into deep storage at the National Guard center, which cut down on the amount of prep she'd have to do to get it running. One day, and the second truck was up. Now came the hard part.

“See, the clutch consists of two plates, Red: one spins with the engine, and the other goes to the gear-box. Now, when you push the clutch in, what happens is -”

“I don't need to know how it works to drive it, Doc! Geez... Just show me how to shift the gears.”

“You kinna do, sweetheart. Look, when the two plates – remember, one is spinning with the engine – come together, you have to-”

“Push in the clutch pedal, select a gear, let out the clutch. I've seen you do it a million times, Doc! Why are you making this sound hard?”

Exasperated, Shego finally gave in, “Okay then. Go for it. Remember to push the clutch in whenever you change gears. End of lesson.” Shego put on her seatbelt, a point Kim did not fail to notice. Kim started the engine. So far, so good. Now, push in the clutch, and -

“Take the parking brake off, Pumpkin.”

Oh, yeah. “Forgot.” Shego only nodded her head. It was going to be a long day...

The truck lurched, the engine died.

Lurch. Die.

Lurch. Die. “I just need to have it revved up more...”

Lurch! Die.

LURCH! Die. LURCH! Die. LURCH!! Die.

“Red...”

“No, I'm getting the hang of it...”

Lurch. Die. Lurch! Die. A dozen more times.

Kim felt utterly stupid. How did Shego make this seem so easy? Kim knew what she was supposed to do: clutch, gas, gear, let out the clutch... The trick was something about giving it the gas and letting out the clutch at the same time, and she just wasn't getting it! Well, she would get it... dammit! She was Kim Possible, the Girl Who Could...

Lurch! Die. Lurch! Die. Lurch. Die.

... Admit She Was Wrong when she had to.

Kim sighed and shut off the engine. “So, one plate spins with the engine...”

Shego looked over at her with a faint smile at the corners of her mouth, but didn't speak. For no reason that she could think of, she was completely overcome with an overwhelming sense of... rightness about the whole situation. Part deja' vu, part humor, part love, and part just plain fun. Everything just felt like it was supposed to be, like it had always been meant to be. Like this. Her and Kim. There. Now.

Shego patiently explained the workings of the clutch and gear-box. It wasn't such a long day, after all. Kim tried again, to no avail. Shego suggested they break for lunch, after which, Kim tried again, and again with no success. They went for a walk, and Shego tried to take Kim's mind off it, because Kim was getting embarrassed and losing her enthusiasm. They looked at the inside of the Holy Cross cathedral – sort of a scaled-down version of Notre' Dame. Kim was impressed. She'd never been in a space that big and... elaborate, before.

On the walk back to the Humvee, Kim thought about those spinning plates, and how they were connected to the engine, and the wheels, and had her epiphany – of course!

Once back in the truck, she got it on her second try. She drove around trying out all the gears, and only killed the engine twice. Okay... high gear at low speed – bad idea. I get it. You have to have a feel for what the engine can do... I get it. I get it!

Kim drove them back to Lincoln Labs, looking as casual as she could on the outside, and squealing like a school-girl inside.

They stayed in Boston the rest of that year, and into the next. The winter was predictably harsh, but the Humvees proved to be a match for it. There was more snow than Chicago – but at least they didn't have to deal with the wind so much. Kim was finding “good stuff”, as she called it – and Shego didn't ask for elaboration – at both M.I.T. and Lincoln Labs, but she was still taking it easy. To her surprise, she found that she could understand a lot of the things she saw and read, now that the pressure was off. Getting back to The World became more of a hobby than a frantic pursuit.

Shego had also picked up a new hobby – art. Not as in “artist”, but rather more like “art appreciation”. She'd take Kim to museums, and even hooked up a National Guard generator truck to the Museum of Fine Art so she could visit it at will, and for as long as she wanted. Kim joked that she should just put a bed in the place and live there, and Shego actually thought about it.

But something was pressing on Kim's mind, and it had nothing to do with Math or Physics. That cathedral had really impressed her. It matched up in her mind with the all-out kind of wedding she'd dreamed of in her younger days. A whole cathedral! And now here she was, and there it was, and... Shego...

Shego would think it was silly, of course. She'd make fun of the idea. Besides, it would be just the two of them – no family, no reception, no rice in the air. Maybe Shego had a point – not that Kim ever brought it up to her, but she knew how Shego would respond. Maybe it was silly...

She was still thinking about it next spring.

A cloud-burst interrupted their run, and they ducked into a bus-stop shelter to wait it out. Being tough, disciplined, and dedicated was one thing – getting soaked when you didn't have to was another.

“I give it ten minutes” Shego guessed, trying to see the clouds between the tall buildings.

“Yeah...” Kim agreed, fondling the ring in her jacket pocket. She'd been carrying it around for three weeks now, waiting for the right moment. She'd have preferred Shego to pop the question, of course, it just felt weird for her to be the “proposer”. But there was nothing to do about it. Oh, she could leave hints, like a child that wants a particular present on Christmas – bridal magazines, perhaps ring catalogs, yes, she could cajole Shego into doing it... but that wouldn't be right. So Kim would have to do it. Kim knew Shego would say yes, of course. The only real question was – how much would she laugh?

Today was a good day for another reason.

“Uhm... Doc? Shego, I mean. I got you something...” Kim waited for what she knew was coming.

“Oh GOD Red! Do we have to do this again?! Can you just not get it? I don't CARE about birthdays! It's just another day, no 'big three-oh', no surprises, and no presents!”

“I know, Shego. But... well, here” she held the ring-box out.

Shego knew something was up. One: Kim kept calling her “Shego”, a name she only used on special occasions now. Two: Kim wasn't being sheepish, but rather had an oddly serious tone, like she was expecting something. And three: it was a ring-box.

These things had just barely had time to register in her mind before Kim said, “W – Would you marry me, Shego?” Kim winced at her stutter. She'd rehearsed the line a hundred times – all in her head. But she'd never said it out loud before.

Kim was still holding out the box, meeting her eyes, and waiting for an answer. A dozen things occurred to Shego at the same time, Marry her? Who'd perform... Who'd watch... Why would she... It's just us... No one cares... What difference... Not even legal... Does she mean... What for... How would... If we...

But over and above that – MARRY her?

Ceremonies were not Shego's thing. She could care less about pomp and ribbons, rice and thresholds. Whether it was the passing of a birthday, fireworks on the 4th, presents at Christmas, or... gowns and rings, Shego had little use for the trappings of convention. She considered herself above it. She had better things to do, things to think about, people to deal with. She wasn't so much a Scrooge as just a realist, to her way of thinking. Circumstances did not change because someone thought up a ceremony for something. The whole idea was stupid.

But, if Kim wanted to “get married”, such as it was, then so be it. She'd play along.

“Yes.”

“I thought you'd laugh...” Kim said.

Shego was trying not to – and it took effort. She could see that Kim was taking all this very, very seriously.

“If you want to get married, Pumpkin, we'll get married” then she spoke without thinking - “I don't have to wear a suit, do I?” and broke Kim's mood.

“Doc...”

Shego could see the disappointment in her eyes and it cut her like a knife. “I'm sorry, Red. Kim. Really, I... I'm a jerk, okay?” She took Kim in her arms, and opened the box behind her back. Diamond solitaire. Classic. Yup, that's my Kimmie, all right...

“Do you have any idea how long it's been since I wore a dress? I'm not sure I remember how...”

“Like riding a bicycle, Doc. Hold still.”

“I've been holding still for an hour, Red!”

“I know... I'm new at this, all right? One semester of Home Ec didn't prepare me for taffeta.”

“Didn't teach you how to bake a cake, either...”

“You're never going to let me forget that, are you...”

“How can you not tell the difference between powdered-sugar and flour – ouch! DAMMIT Red!”

“Sorry. Hold still. And shut-up.”

“Ready?”

“As I'll ever be...”

They marched up the aisle together; Shego in green and black, of course – it really was the best combination for her complexion, which could only be called “Spring”. Kim in white, which Shego found outrageously funny; perhaps Kim didn't have “carnal knowledge” of men, but she was definitely not a “virgin”.

Lighting was provided by stained-glass and candles, music by a Panasonic boom-box in front of the altar. Of course, the place was empty, except for them. All in all, Kim was embarrassed and really felt like calling the whole thing off. Too cheesy. Too lame. But too late for that now – Shego would have a fit, no doubt. Kim sighed a lot.

Shego, walking beside her, was in complete and total awe of the cathedral. She'd been there before, but that was a long time ago – Kim had set everything up. She couldn't figure out why, but she felt like she'd never seen anything like this before – the sheer volume of vertical space, the arches, the paintings, the worn wood of the pews, and most of all, the rosette-like round window of stained-glass behind the altar. It was mind-boggling, perhaps because of her new-found appreciation for things artistic. It was sublime. She didn't even hear the tinny music. This was the kind of place a soul could soar... and hers did. This was a place where the Really Important things were dwelled upon, and it didn't really matter how one read the words in the prayer-books, nor did it matter which symbol stood behind the altar. Everyone had their own take of the meaning of prayers and symbols anyway.

What mattered was that people prayed and worshiped whatever they thought lay behind those symbols here. And together. Masses of people, over a hundred years, believing what they believed, whether it was what they were told to believe or not, but doing it here. THIS was a Big Deal...

Shego swallowed. She was marrying Kim here. The profound weight of it almost choked her. This was real. Not just a stupid ceremony. What happened in this place, happened under the eyes of... well, God. Shego had never been religious her whole life – neither had her parents, but in this place, it was impossible not to believe that something was... taking note of what they were doing. Whether it be God, ghosts, the spirit of humanity as a whole, or just the personified Past that had gone on before, something was watching them. Not judging. Just watching. Taking note.

Her throat felt dry. She was about to marry Kim. This was big. This had the force of forever behind it.

They turned and faced each other in front of the altar. Kim held up the index card she had written her vows on.

Marry her... oh my god...

“I, Kim Possible, here-” Shego grabbed the card and lit her hand with plasma. It whuffed into ashes and fell at her feet.

“S-Shego! What are-”

“I don't want to know what you wrote, Kim. I want to know why you wrote it.” Suddenly, Shego was taking this very, very seriously.

Kim had worked for eight hours on that card, most of it just trying to think of how to say what she thought ought to be said. She'd used an unabridged dictionary and thesaurus to do it. Each word had been painstakingly wrought. She'd had to empty her trashcan four times to get it right, and her wrist still hurt from writer's cramp.

“Shego -”

Shego took Kim's hands in her own and said again, “I want to know why you wrote it, Kim...”

Kim tried to make out the expression on Shego's face. She'd never seen one like it. Shego was dead earnest, that much was clear, but there were other things there too: love, exposure, vulnerability, and maybe even a little surprise. Maybe a little fear.

“I wrote it because... because I knew I'd never be able to find the right words. Actually, I probably still didn't... I wrote it because I wanted you to know... how I felt about you, and how... how I wanted to be with you and... how you made me feel... I don't know, Shego, I can't sum up all the things that have happened, all the things I've felt. I tried and... it was okay, I guess. The best I could do, anyway. I wanted you to know that, y'know, I'm happy it's you. I mean, at first... well, I wished it wasn't, y'know? I wished it had been Ron. Or if not Ron, then... well, someone else besides you. And if it had to be a girl, for some reason, then why couldn't it have been Monique, or Tara, or even Bonnie – god help me – why'd it have to be YOU, y'know?”

Kim caught her breath and considered for a moment.

“And what I wanted you to know, now, here, is that I thank God it was you. I mean... I've thought a lot about it. A lot about it. About you. And I just... I honestly don't think I would've felt this way about anyone else. I'm still trying to figure out why. But I just... I can't imagine feeling this way about anyone else, is all. That's the only way I can think of to say it. I love you, and I always will. No matter what happens. I know it. Somehow... I wonder if I haven't always known it... but, y'know-”

Shego kissed her hard and Kim forgot if she was going to say anything else.

Chapter Text

They walked out the door of the cathedral hand-in-hand, and stood on the front steps. Shego had stopped, so Kim looked over at her to see what was the matter. Shego was just standing there looking out, around, up and down... Everything seemed different to her. Shego was facing the world as half of a couple now, and it was... just different.

Shego herself was different, too. She held up her left hand and inspected the white-gold wedding ring Kim had placed on her finger. Simple, plain, and permanent, it shown against her hand. Her wedding-ring. The one her wife had picked out.

Amazing.

“Uh, Red... this is going to melt off first time I light up, y'know...” She didn't want that to happen. That simple, plain ring meant more to her than... than a new Learjet.

“I got you a necklace to go with it. I thought you could wear it that way instead” Kim replied, touched that Shego had thought about it. Kim had never thought that Shego would take any of this so seriously.

Neither had Shego herself. “You – you did?”

“Yeah. Uhm... but I left it at the Lab. I'll get it tomorrow.”

Shego was impressed that Kim had planned around her plasma, but couldn't figure out why she was impressed. It wasn't like she'd been hiding her comet-powers or anything. Of course Kim would know that it would melt off. It was just... cool... that she'd thought about it already. It made Shego feel like Kim... knew her.

“So...” Kim said, “You never said any vows to me...”

That was true, she hadn't. After the kiss, Shego had simply stared into Kim's eyes a long time with that funny, earnest-loving-serious-frightened look, and then proceeded to put the ring on Kim's finger. Kim then did the same, and before anything else could be said, Shego had taken her hand and began walking out of the cathedral.

Shego sighed, “Kim... Pumpkin...” and sighed again, “I... I love you, but... I'm not... I...” and yet another sigh as she stammered, “I can't...”

“It's okay, Doc” Kim smiled at her, and saw the relief in Shego's whole body, “I'll let you off the hook.”

A final, heavy sigh, “Thank you.”

Kim tried to do her best “Godfather” impersonation, “Perhaps, the day may come, when I will ask a favor of you...”

That made Shego smile. “That is the worst Marlon Brando I've ever heard, Red.”

“Yeah, well... Hey! I know! There's something I've been dying to ask you.”

“Why am I getting a bad feeling about this...”

“Shego? What's your real name?”

Oh, shit. “Uh... this isn't the time, Red...”

“No, c'mon. I think I deserve to know my wife's real name. You said Hego's was 'Henry'... so what's yours? And what's the big deal?”

It would completely break the mood, is what the big deal was. Shego wasn't ready to have her mood broken like that – yet.

“I'll tell ya later, Kim.”

Kim became insistent, “Shego! What is your name!”

After another glance at her simple white-gold wedding-ring, Shego said, “All right, Pumpkin. So be it. 'Kimberly Anne van Gogh'. No relation.”

The same as Kim's own first and middle name. After a moment of shocked silence, Kim said, “K - Kimberly?”

“Shut-up, Kim.”

“Kimberly Anne?”

“Shut-up, Kim!”

“You're real name is-”

Shego whirled on her, “Which part of 'shut-up' didn't you understand, Red?!”

But, after all, it was hard to pretend to be too mad with Kim grinning at her like that.

“Oh... Doy!” was about the best she could do. When Kim began to chuckle and snort, Shego had to grin, too.

They'd been in Boston two years now, and when Shego asked, Kim told her they would probably be staying until next summer, at least. There were hints, she said, that she was onto something, but so far, it was only hints – she had nothing new to say.

That winter, Kim had sheepishly asked her “Doc? Could... could you take my chores today? I hate to ask, but -”

“You onto something?”

“Maybe. I'm close to something. I... I don't know if it's a good thing or not, Doc... or maybe it's all just smoke and mirrors. The calculations are really long – about four pages on either side of the equals sign. I'd really like to work them down to where I can understand them. It seems like it might be important...”

“Okay, Red, I gotcha covered.”

“Heh. That's what Ron used to say. Except for the 'Red' part.”

Half a dozen smart replies went through Shego's mind, but finally she just said, “Doy!” and left Kim to her equations. Shego had reached the point where she no longer needed to match wits in every conversation.

It took Kim a week to par the equations down to an understandable size. And after she'd done it, she did it again. And again. After the third time, she was pretty sure of the conclusion, even if it wasn't exactly clear what it meant. She was concerned about Time. The terms that described it kept canceling out...

“Which means?” Shego asked.

“Which means that the times in the various universes aren't locked. At all. They're entirely independent. Each one exists in it's own set of dimensions, and... well, basically, they have nothing to do with each other. What it means is that – if we were to get back to our own universe somehow – it won't be a decade later there like it was here. It might be more, it might be less... I don't think we could go back and end up before we left – and I don't want to even THINK about working that out, either – but whatever, they're not the same. We might go back and any random amount of time has passed there, from nano-seconds to a billion years. As far as I can see, there's no way to tell.”

After thinking about it a minute, Shego said, “But, when we got here, no time – or at least not much – had passed from when we left there. How do you -”

“The mechanics of jumping from one to the other are still way over my head, Doc. I'm just telling you what I'm pretty sure of so far.”

“Pretty sure of?”

“Well, it's not like I read this anywhere, or anyone else had worked it out before, Doc. As far as I know anyway, this is sort of... my own discovery.”

“Wow...”

Kim didn't know how to take that, and waited for elaboration. Was Shego mocking her or was she actually impressed? She'd been pulling double-duty for a month now while Kim had worked it out. A month in the dead of a Boston winter. She was usually gone for the entire day, and sometimes even spent the night away at the “downtown home”, if the weather was too bad for her to make it back to Lexington. And all Kim had to say, after all that, was that the times didn't line up? Okay, so “mocking” was probably the right answer to -

“I should start calling you 'Doctor'... That's cool, Red! I'm impressed!”

Kim blushed. Apparently, Shego hadn't been “mocking” her after all.

“I did good?” she asked, just to hear it again.

“You did good!” Shego was smiling broadly at her, and Kim blushed more.

I did good!

Just like old times... Shego thought, but not really.

She walked through the front door of the Boston Museum of Fine Art, lifted Girl with a Pearl Earring - on loan from the Royal Cabinet of Paintings Mauritshuis, The Hague - off the wall, and walked back out the front door with it, frame and all. Not a single siren was to be heard.

Shego was not just going to leave it there. That would have just been unthinkable. And she didn't take it because it was valuable, or because it was easy to take, or because it was just a pretty picture.

She “stole” the painting because it took her breath away. The more she stared at it, the more she saw, and she'd been staring it off and on for a year. The colors, the composition, the way Vermeer had portrayed the expression on the girl's face – not to mention the sublime and gentle power of that expression itself – the design of the whole painting... all of it absolutely perfect, like everything about it had to be that way. If anything had been different, it just wouldn't have worked. It was genius, and Shego could recognize that. It was Beauty, expressed through the brush-strokes of Johannes, and Shego was absolutely in awe of it.

Yeah, the girl was pretty too.

Shego could see that, and appreciate it, but that wasn't really the point. It was how that beauty was expressed, how Vermeer saw it, that made the experience what it was. Had there been anyone else there to see it, she wouldn't have taken the painting and denied them the pleasure – it was that important. But, no one else was, so what the hell.

She brought it back to The Tube and hung it on the dividing wall between the “bedroom” and the “bathroom”.

“You're kidding me”, Kim said, watching her.

“I kid you not” Shego replied, all seriousness.

“I'm not sure I like you putting up pictures of other women...”

“Philistine.”

Kim snorted, “Okay, you win.” She sharpened her pencil and went back to work in her notebook.

Satisfied with the way it was hung – and admiring it just one more time for the day – Shego said, “Well, ready to say goodbye to Boston?”

“Yeah. I got all I'm gonna get here. Sorry it took so long... Anyway, at least I have something I can compare to Drakken's drawings. Not a total loss. And some good notes. There was a Dr. Janet Li who was an absolute genius with tensor-space applications – I mean... just genius... but it didn't do me much good. She was into thermodynamics and turbulence.”

“Uh-huh. Okay, well, we're ready to roll then. You gonna stay back here?”

Kim looked up at her, “Do you mind? I'm really into this thing right now, on a roll, you might say, and -”

“It's good to see ya back in action, Red. You carry on. I got it.”

In the privacy of the Humvee, Shego indulged in her last remaining secret from her wife: Reba McIntyre. “Just call me angel... of the mornin'...(an-gel), just touch my cheek before you leeeeave me, dar-lin'...”

Going was easy, because they were re-tracing a route they'd already cleared, so they could make a hundred miles a day, most of the time. As a result, it was a short two weeks to get to St. Louis.

Six interstate highways intersect in St. Louis, Missouri. The middle of the country, the Gateway to the West in territorial times. It still was. Almost everything from both east and west goes through St. Louis to be divided up, re-packed, and then sent on. It's a trucking mecca. For foragers, it's a wonderland of warehouses.

Geologically, it's a disaster waiting to happen.

The New Madrid fault pretty much follows the path of the Mississippi River through the middle of the continent. That's why the river is where it is, some theorize. It lies deep under the muddy sand deposits left by the Mississippi river over millions of years, building up stress as the tectonic plates bump and grind slowly against each other. Alarmists like to insist that the scale of the disaster - when it eventually slips - will be of Biblical proportions.

They were right.

Kim was in a Shexnayder trucking warehouse when it happened, Shego was ten miles away looking for new fuel-injectors for the Humvee. They hadn't thought to tell each other where they were going. Since they were both armed, and Shego doubly so with her comet-powers, it seemed safe enough. They would keep in touch with little rechargeable FRS radios, as usual, and also as usual, they seldom used them.

Shego felt the floor move and ran for the door. She stood outside in the street while the ground rolled beneath her like waves on an ocean. It was hard to stand. It was dis-orienting too – the mind isn't used to the ground moving like that.

Kim, however, was a hundred yards from the entrance to the cavernous warehouse, and as she watched the racks and pallets wobble and fall around her, it was clear she'd never make it outside. The best she'd be able to do would be to take shelter inside somehow, amongst the twenty-foot high shelves collapsing around her. Ten yards down the aisle she was currently “shopping” in, there was an over-turned rack with a little cave made by pallets that had piled up helter-skelter on top of each other. She could barely see it in the light from the translucent panels in the roof. She ran and dove.

Then, as the ground continued to crack and roll, it occurred to her that her little cave might shift and fall in on her any second. Then again, looking outside at the falling racks and flying pallets of canned-goods... well, best to stick with the devil you know, and she stayed put.

Elsewhere, the incredibly fertile valley known as “The Delta”, from Missouri, through Arkansas, and down to Louisiana, liquefied in seconds. Buildings and houses sank out of sight in mud two-hundred feet deep, pieces of highway floated downstream, like so many ice-floes in an arctic ocean. Every tree fell over, and the ditches dug by the WPA to drain the Delta and make it arable land collapsed, filled in, and over-flowed. Millions of acres of cotton and rice country became instant swamp.

A five-gallon tin of textured vegetable protein fell onto Kim's foot, breaking her ankle. A pallet of Sno-Balls – of all things – fell over the opening to her “cave”, and Kim waited in the dark for whatever else might happen; terrified, in excruciating pain, and trapped.

Two weeks later, Shego was still going nuts. In the whole time since the earthquake, she'd slept maybe sixteen hours. She looked for Kim day and night, she screamed herself hoarse, she went as far as she dared into every building that seemed promising. She lit signal-fires, she left trail-markers - cairns of stacked rubble - in case Kim was looking for her. She left notes sealed in bottles at each one, detailing her search plan; where she intended to be and when.

Several times, she'd see a cairn in the distance and run to it filled with hope only to find that it was one of her own.

Kim, meanwhile, had tunneled out of her cave after the third day trapped, and was painfully trying to make her way to the exit over the mounds of merchandise, steel-shelving, and girders from the warehouse's ceiling. She dragged her useless right foot behind her as she crawled. Her radio had been crushed. She'd been living on Sno-Balls and soup, but on the fifth day found bottled water and spent two days there, rehydrating. The soup was liquid, but it was almost like drinking sea-water, the salt content was so high.

She, too, screamed herself hoarse. And like Shego, she cursed her stupidity for not following a plan – Shego would have absolutely no idea where she'd gone. Stupid stupid STUPID!!

If only she could signal, somehow... but she dared not light a fire inside the warehouse when she couldn't get out. She had to get out! She didn't even know which way she'd come in anymore! The best she could do was head for light – but she had no way of knowing whether that light came from a hole in the ceiling or wall.

At least she had water and food. On the other hand, she really couldn't carry anything with her.

By her second week, she'd duck-taped together a crude crutch, and could at least stumble through the rubble. It was a little better than crawling, anyway. She wished she could find some aspirin or something... the pain from her ankle was just... constant and exhausting.

It took her a month to get out of the warehouse. Then she went right back in, for food and water. She built herself a little stockpile outside, in the street - or what was left of the “street”.

Late summer now, and Kim was ready to light her fire. She doused tires in gasoline – that ought to make a nice smoke-pillar. And the fire would be small enough that she needn't worry about setting the whole city alight.

Maybe Shego would see it. Maybe Shego would come. Maybe Shego was... ok, in the first place. Or, maybe Shego was dead already. Kim tried not to think about that. She had too much to do. She lit the fire.

And Shego saw it. Along with several dozen others, all over the city, and a wall of smoke coming from the west. Fire was everywhere, but not like the firestorm she'd started in Colorado Springs. This one was sporadic, jumping from one building to another, leaving large swaths of the city untouched, while right across the street there might be five blocks of ashes. Nonetheless, Shego was not about to leave, not without Kim. She continued her search until she collapsed from exhaustion, her body forcing her to rest. Then, upon waking again, the search would resume. Over and over and over.

In late September, the rains came with a vengeance, putting out the smoldering remains of St. Louis. The river rose with the rains. Within a week, the water was waist-deep in the lower parts of the city. Shego hadn't counted on that... more stupidity.

She kept thinking that Kim might have been trapped. The idea wore on her. If she were, and the fire didn't get her, then the flood surely would.

Two months after the earthquake, Shego finally gave up. She didn't cry – she was too exhausted for that – she just turned around and went home, packed up, and left, her mind a blank. She tried her best to keep it that way. Alcohol helped.

The trailer had to be left behind. And that was okay with Shego – there was an awful lot of Kim in there, she was glad not to have to deal with it. She didn't even go in to retrieve clothes, books, or Vermeer's painting – it was time to leave all that behind. Shego had no use for joy in her life. That part was over, apparently. There was really nothing to look forward to, and she didn't need to be reminded of a time when there was.

As Shego drove away over the cracked, ruined streets, Kim was half a mile away, limping painfully in her direction.

Winter was on the way before Kim managed to get the Jeep to run. She'd had to replace all the spark-plugs, the injectors, the radiator, drain the transmission and re-fill it, bleed the brakes, and replace the serpentine belt. It still sounded funny, but at least it ran, and it could drive over the severely buckled pavement. She wished she'd had more automotive lessons from Shego, when she'd had the chance. So much time wasted. She loaded up her books and notes from the Tube – and Shego's painting besides - and took the interstate west, following in Shego's footsteps.

Her ankle had heeled – badly. Kim walked with a permanent limp now. She didn't think about it. What she thought about was her wife, who had given up looking for her. Probably thought she was dead. Sometimes, before going to sleep, that train of thoughts would enter her head un-bidden, and the pain in her heart would be debilitating. They should have had a plan. They should have agreed to something, some way they could... communicate. Kim imagined intricate methods and scenarios – but they all depended on communication ahead of time; there was nothing she could do now.

She wound her way through the traffic jams that Shego had cleared months earlier, so her travel was relatively easy, but for the condition of the buckled asphalt. On her second day, she saw, painted over “Now leaving St. Louis - Come back again!”, in blaze-orange, “KIM”. She stopped to look at it, her heart in her throat.

Something was taped to one of the legs holding the sign – another one of Shego's message bottles. Kim cut the tape away, took out the sheet of paper, swallowed, and read:

“Kim

Kimmie, Pumpkin, Red, Princess. You never liked Princess. I kind of did. I wish I had called you Princess more. I wish a lot of things.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I don't LIKE writing this. I should just fucking stop.

I never gave you any wedding vows. I

I loved you. I didn't want to at first. Just like you, I guess, but for different reasons. You were so scared because we were both women. That never mattered to me. Well, much. I was mostly scared of how you made me feel, Kim. About you, about myself, about my past, present, and future. I guess I knew that if I fell for you I'd never be able to get out of it, and I've spent a lot of my life mastering the art of getting out of things.

Then all of a sudden it didn't matter. I didn't WANT out. Ever. All I really wanted was further in.

I should have said that.

I'm saying it now.

As if it matters.

I hate this.

Kimberly Anne Van Gogh”

She read it five times, then folded it up and put it in the breast pocket of her denim jacket. She got back into the Jeep and started the engine.

Then she turned it off and cried for the rest of the evening.

Shego awoke at 5 a.m., as usual, and brushed her teeth. She dressed in thermal underwear, jeans, and sweatshirt. All that would fit under the insulated cover-alls she'd put on before heading outside. She spent a lot of time outside, lately. It was early December, and she had to get things ready for winter at the farmhouse.

She glanced at the door to Kim's old office – she'd closed it the day she'd got back, and it hadn't been opened since. She ate cold cereal and milk. No raisins. No sounds from elsewhere in the house. She couldn't stand music anymore. She didn't want to feel happy. She didn't want to be made to feel sad, either. She didn't want to feel anything. This was her way of surviving. Day by day. To what end, didn't really matter. Apparently, she was supposed to live. God or whatever had decided. So be it.

She put on her insulated cover-alls and headed out. Today was the day to clean the glow-plugs on Generator #1 on the truck. That would be a dirty job. Since that was the case, might as well change the oil and air filters as well. She'd need oil-filters, though – she'd run out last month. Time for a trip to town, then.

The Humvee was parked in a make-shift lean-to against the side of the barn. Shego had built it three weeks ago. She didn't trust the barn to hold up much longer. It's center-roof beam was broken in two, surprisingly rotted from the inside. She'd have thought that a foot-thick piece of timber like that would be stronger – certainly strong enough to hang herself from. It just broke, instead. But not before the rope had tightened quickly enough – and tight enough – to give her permanent burn-scars around her throat, and damage her larynx to the point that she hadn't been able to speak since. Not that she needed to anyway.

She hadn't been back in the barn since. Her wedding-ring, on the matching necklace, hung dusty on a nail inside. Something had decided that Shego should live, but that didn't mean she had to like it. And she didn't.

Kim had to force herself to keep her speed down. To fuck everything up by getting into an accident now would be... unimaginable. Sixty miles to Middleton. She was driving her third vehicle – a Subaru Forester this time. It was amazing what the small SUV could go through, and how nimbly. Since the way was already cleared for her, the Subaru did just fine.

40 miles to Middleton. Kim checked her speedometer – she was doing 70 again. She slowed it down to 45. She thought Get a grip, Kim! Almost there... I'm almost there, Doc... Hold on for me. I'll be there this evening. I'll be there, Doc. Hold on. And... please God, let her be there for me, too...

The noise of Generator #2 drowned everything else out as Shego bolted the valve-covers back into place. It was important to torque them just right, in order to compress the gasket properly, else they would warp and leak oil. Which would, in turn, lead to an ever dirtier job than this was.

After torquing the last one in the pattern down, she stepped down off the truck bed and wiped the sweat from her face, despite the near-freezing temperature. Whoever had designed the Cat engines must have thought it would be funny to make people assume those positions in order to perform simple maintenance. Her tail-bone hurt, and she'd banged her knuckles until they bled again. You'd really think that -

Wait.

What?

Movement out of the corner of her eye.

Kim. Limping towards her.

Shego looked away. Then she looked back. Kim? Limping towards her? She looked down.

It couldn't be. She'd said goodbye to Kim. To that part of her life.

“SHEGO!”, she heard faintly over the drone of the working generator. Kim was just coming around the front of the house, still a good fifty yards away.

Shego turned to face her – or whatever it was. Maybe she'd gone mad. Seeing and hearing things. Maybe -

“SHEGO!!” Louder now.

She took a step – just one – forwards, then her knees collapsed. Kim?

Red?

Forgetting she had no voice, Shego tried to scream – KIM! - but nothing came out. She held out her arms, wide, unaware she was doing so. Unaware of anything. Something in her chest was threatening to burst, and she couldn't breath right. Some small rational part of her mind wondered if she was about to die, but the thought was ignored. That wasn't really important.

In fact, death had never been – and never would be – less important.

Ten steps away now, Shego looking up into Kim's teary eyes as she limped on. Shego's mouth still hanging open, her chest heaving, panting like an overheated cat.

Kim bending down to pick her up off her knees, squeezing her hard. Very hard. Kim's mouth next to her ear, saying “Shego... Shego... Shego...”

Shego looked past the stringy red hair in her face, out into space, seeing nothing. Having lost the habit of speaking, she'd also lost the habit of thinking with words. The image of the swinging rope and broken beam over her head appeared in her mind. When she'd been denied the relief of death, and someone or something had cursed her with life, against her own will.

And she felt now the same thing she'd thought then.

So be it.

Then she closed her eyes, inhaled the fragrance of Kim's three-week-old sweat – and her heart finally burst.

Silently, Shego cried.

Chapter Text

Over the course of the next month, things settled down into routine again – Shego with her chores, Kim with her studies. In the evenings, unless Kim was on another “roll”, they'd watch movies, read, or play games against each other. In addition to the necklace and ring that Kim had retrieved from the barn, Shego now wore a black choker to cover the scar on her neck – for which Kim was grateful. Kim had wanted to suggest such a thing, but didn't feel right bringing it up. Even seeing the choker sometimes brought a lump to her throat. Seeing the scar had been... awful, and Shego could see Kim suffering.

For communication, Shego developed the habit of carrying around a spiral-bound little notebook and pen. Kim had also set up a laptop computer, projector, and wireless keyboard in the living room, and they could “converse” that way in the evening – Kim speaking, Shego typing.

They adjusted. Gym equipment in what had been Shego's bedroom replaced running and sparring, and they never went anywhere without FRS radios joining the pistols they carried. If Shego needed Kim, she was to press the “Call” button on the radio. They worked out a yes/no code using it as well. And perhaps needless to say, they never went anywhere without telling the other, not that they were ever more than two miles apart at any given time anyway, no matter what.

Of course, things weren't always sunshine and roses, and early the next spring, they had their first serious argument.

“Doc, I think we should fix the barn back up. I miss the fighting. I think I can still fight with my ankle this way...” Kim said one day as they were walking out to the Humvee to go “shopping” in town.

Shego shot her a look.

“I know... but... it wouldn't be that hard, right? It's just that one beam, and-”

Shego wasn't looking at her anymore as they walked.

“Shego... I know... uh... I mean...” Kim stopped and pulled Shego around to face her. She did not look pleased.

“We can't just build a new barn, Shego. And I hate working out indoors...”

Shego stared at her unblinking.

“I'll help! Just tell me what to do!” Kim shouted. Shego's stubbornness was getting her upset.

Shego glanced toward the house, then turned away, heading for the truck again. Kim followed behind her exasperated.

“Dammit Doc! I can spare the time, okay?! The equations are getting me down anyway, to tell the truth. Freakin' infinity signs everywhere, and it just sucks! I'll help with the chores! We'll work on it together! Shego! Please!”

They had reached the truck now, and Shego was opening her door. While doing so, she gave a short but glaring look at Kim on the other side, combined with an audible exhalation through her nose. Then she got in, and Kim did too.

“Jesus... Okay. So what do we need in order to do it?” Kim asked rhetorically.

Yes, they would fix the barn – but Shego would have her revenge for losing the argument.

To replace the foot-thick timber – since “timber framing” was a thing of the past – Shego decided to make her own by bolting twelve, 12x1's together. Kim's task was to do the bolting, while Shego set up temporary supports and jacks to push the roof back into alignment. After a couple of hours, Shego came back out to see how Kim was doing.

Kim had stacked the boards and was in the process of drilling her fourth hole when Shego tapped her on the shoulder, then immediately turned her back and began walking to the far end of the stack.

“What?” Kim asked, following her.

Upon reaching the end, Shego just stood there, looking at the ends of the planks. One stuck out three inches, while two others were an inch or two short of lining up.

“Oh” Kim said.

Shego turned back to the barn to continue her work there, leaving Kim feeling foolish.

Kim shouted at her back, “Okay! So I'm an idiot! At least I'm trying to help, aren't I?!”

A smirk played on Shego's lips as she went back into the barn.

A couple of days later, and the new beam was hoisted into place. All that was left was to dowel it into the old vertical timbers again. Shego could have done it herself, one at a time, but... since Kim had said she'd help...

“D-Doc? I... uh... I don't know if I can stay up here long enough to do this...” Climbing the ladder was hell on her crippled ankle, and trying to support the weight of the beam while lining up the dowel holes was starting to bring tears to her eyes. This was just something she couldn't do. She began to carefully, slowly, climb down, but every time she put her weight on that leg, the pain would assert itself with renewed intensity. She missed the last rung at the bottom – too anxious to be off the ladder – and fell onto her back in the dirt. Shego ran over to her from where she was adjusting one of the temporary jacks.

Kim was definitely in tears now. Shego had pushed it too far. She'd got her revenge and then some. Now she felt exactly like an ass.

Kim saw the new expression in her eyes, but didn't know what to make of it. “I'm okay, Doc. It's just... being on a ladder kinna hurts...”

Shego laid a finger on Kim's lips to silence her, and looked into her eyes trying to apologize. Then she helped Kim to her feet, and together they limped into the house. Before setting her in the recliner, Shego hugged Kim tightly. She was sorry she'd been so mean. She hadn't known it would hurt Kim that much.

Kim was still trying to figure it out. What was Shego sorry for?

After being laid in the recliner, Shego brought her a cold bottle of water and four Tylenol, then slunk guiltily back out to the barn to finish getting the beam into place by herself.

A lesson learned.

Before coming in for the night – and partly to avoid doing so – Shego covered the rusted-out nail-holes in the tin roof of the barn with tar. That was why timber had rotted, but she hadn't been able to see that until the old beam was out. The new one ought to last a long time, if it stayed dry. Then she went into the house, showered, and prepared to face the music from Kim after she explained that she hadn't really needed Kim on that ladder in the first place.

“You BITCH!” Kim yelled.

Then, a only a minute later, “God-DAMN it!! You... FUCKING bitch!!”

Another minute.

“You... Where?... Is that?... FUCK!! I can't BELIEVE you did that AGAIN!! BASTARD!!”

Shego turned sideways and nuzzled Kim's neck as they sat next to each other on the couch, in front of the projector screen.

“Don't you try that now, Doc. SO not interested! You've fragged me five times in a fuckin' – I mean, 'freaking' – ROW right there, and I want to know where you're hiding, you fucking sneaky...”

Shego kissed her under the ear and turned Kim's laptop towards her. She maneuvered Kim's character until Kim could see Shego's character crouched under the stairway, firing her rocket-launcher through it, between the rungs.

“Sneaky bitch...” Kim said, “Tomorrow night, we're doing Duke Nukem again. I ain't playin' Quake with you no more... I guess that's what I get for marrying an evil villain.”

Shego replied, Tell me about it. MY wife used to be a CHEERLEADER, for God's sake... from her keyboard.

Kim chuckled as an idea occurred to her, “Hey! I should get my uniform from my 'rents house. I bet I can still fit into it...” Now 28 years old, there was some question about it.

Shego stared at her screen for a moment, thinking about it, then leered at Kim lecherously.

Year 14.

Shego looked up from her book (Kidney & Urinary Tract Case Studies) when Kim unexpectedly came in from her office. She'd been in there most of the time now for weeks, but Shego was making a point of not asking her about it. If something was up, Kim would let her know, eventually. Perhaps this was “eventually”.

As Kim passed up the recliner, Shego prepared herself by setting down her book, hiking herself up on the end of the sofa, and hanging one leg off, making a space for Kim to lean back against her. She could see that Kim wasn't happy.

Once snuggled in, Kim picked up the keyboard and put it in her lap in case Shego wanted to say something. This was a common position, and they both knew their parts.

A deep sigh from Kim started the conversation. Shego brushed some stray red hairs out of her face and waited.

“It's not looking good, Doc...”

Shego clasped her hands together around Kim's waist.

“Everywhere I go, it's 'infinity this' and 'infinity that'... and they never cancel out or reduce or anything! You know what infinity divided by infinity is? It's infinity! And I thought I was onto something for awhile with Gabriel's Horn – that's a funnel with infinite surface area but finite volume – but, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to figure out if it's even possible to find the universe we want to get back to! So even if I were to make a Transporter Loop – and God knows how long that would take, given what we have – I just don't see how it would do us any good! It's infuriating!”

Kim felt a light squeeze on her belly.

“I'm sorry, Doc. I just... I just don't know if it's worth-while for me to keep working on this... about all I can do now is try to prove whether it's possible or not. There was this one article I read, where some guy postulated building a 'm-brane scanner' that would show all the intersecting universes, but in the end he figured out that – even if he did build it – all it would show is a gray screen of infinitely small pixels. If only there was some way I could pick out where we need to go from all the rest. The probability that it exists is one, because I know it exists. But.. how to find it...”

Shego let go of Kim and took the keyboard from her lap, setting it on her belly. She looked over Kim's shoulder as she typed – Think the GJ would look for you? I do...

“Yeah, probably. But they'd just run into the same problem I'm having. No help there.”

Too bad we can't just build a lighthouse to make our world stand out from the others.

Kim sighed. “Yeah. Like a really, really big neon-sign, that says 'We are here!'. Heh. And we could make it red and green so that-” Kim stopped mid-sentence. Shego noticed that she'd stopped breathing, as well.

Red? You okay?

She didn't answer, but held up a hand; wait...

So Shego waited. She turned to look at Kim's face – she was staring out into space. Finally, Shego felt her breathe again.

Shortly after that, Kim spun around where she was reclining – the keyboard went flying – and hugged Shego hard, “DOC!! I LOVE you!” she yelled almost directly into her ear, then lept off the couch and limped towards her office just as fast as she could go, shutting the door behind her.

Shego just stared at her back, then at the closed door, then at her wireless keyboard on the other side of the coffee-table, on the floor. She retrieved it and resumed her previous position on the couch, typing in a single word, for her own sake, before going back to her book.

Scientists...

Year 15. Mid-summer.

Okay, this was getting ridiculous. Kim had been holed up in there all the previous day, all night long, and now – the next morning – she was still in there! Furthermore, the door was still closed, too. Even when she'd come out to use the bathroom, Kim was rushing as if something in her office might spoil or disappear while she was gone. This just wasn't healthy...

“Doc! Breakfast!” Kim yelled through the closed door.

A few minutes later, Shego pulled the door open – just enough to get her arm through – tossed in a box of Grape-Nuts, and slammed it shut again. Then she went back to the kitchen to await a response while she made her own breakfast.

She found it incredible that she was still waiting even after the dishes were done, when finally, she heard Kim's office door open, and her tell-tale limping gait heading toward the kitchen.

“Doc! I'm starving in there!” Kim said, heading toward the fridge and pulling out one each apple, pear, and pomegranate. She also grabbed the roll of paper-towels and put it under her arm. “It looks like it might work, Doc! It might be something we can build – it might not even be that hard! I still have to check some stuff... and I have no idea where we're gonna get the power it'll need, but it might work!”

Shego stared at her from where she was leaning against the counter. Kim hadn't even glanced at her so far.

“I just got a few more hours to go, Doc, then I'll know if we can do it or not” Kim said facing her as she passed, oblivious to the glare in Shego's eyes, “It's so exciting! I'm FINALLY getting somewhere! And all thanks to you and your lighthouse idea, Doc! I should be done before lunch. Maybe dinner. We might get back, Doc! Things are looking good!” And with that, she was on her way out of the kitchen again.

Shego sighed, and looked around to see if anyone was laughing at her, because she felt as if she must be in a sitcom. “The Oddest Couple”, perhaps.

Early that afternoon, an exhausted Kim Possible finally left her office and went to tell her wife the good news: yes, it could be done. It probably wouldn't be easy – they weren't just going to go down to the store and buy a reality m-brane phase signature beacon off the shelf... but it could be done. Power would be another problem – they might have to scavenge generator trucks for hundreds of miles around to produce the million watts they'd need, or perhaps they could just take the Beacon to a bigger power-source, once they found it, but no matter: it could be done. That was the important part.

Shego just let her ramble. M-branes? Phase? Quantum signatures? She didn't understand any of it, but one question remained. She wrote it down on her pad while Kim went on with her spiel.

Finally, as Kim paused to gather her thoughts before continuing with here one-sided discussion of Gravitational Theory, Shego held out the notepad.

Kim took it, but before she even looked at it, something occurred to her: “Oh, and you're probably wondering how they're going to know that they need to look for us in the first place, back in The World. That's the beauty part, see? That's what I've been checking out, and then double-checking out, and double-double-checking... It's always the same answer, Doc! It doesn't matter when they look for us! If they ever look, the Beacon will show up! And here's what's even weirder: the fact that we build a Beacon guarantees that they'll look for it! I know it doesn't sound reasonable – quantum mechanics is like that, believe me – but that's how it works out! Once we fire the Beacon, they'll have to see it! And then they can use a Loop at their end to create a portal on our end, using the signature of the beacon to modulate the Loop's phase and... Shego! We'll go home!!” Kim hugged Shego in her excitement, lifting her off her feet for a moment. “Now, what did you want to say?”

Before Kim could read the page, Shego grabbed it out of her hands and just smiled. Kim's mind-reading act was getting more amazing all the time. And as far as going back... well, it sounded like there was still a lot of work to do. A secret part of her was glad for that. For one thing, it would give her time to set up for Kim's 30th birthday. A special meal, a cake, scented candles... a fresh green-and-black cat suit, a freshly-laundered and ironed Middleton High cheerleader uniform - the right size, this time...

But that wasn't all Shego was worried about. If they were to go back to The World... a lot of things would be different. There would be problems, for both of them. Oh well, it would be years before she'd have to worry about it.

Kim spent the rest of that year, and all of the next one, working out details for the construction of the Beacon. The idea was to “pollute” the quantum signature of their universe with a over-laid waveform representative of The World from which they had come. It wasn't hard to find material from The World – they had their original clothes still, a few trinkets from Kim's utility belt and Shego's leg pouch, all of those thing would still carry the signature of the universe they wanted to communicate with. The problem would be, getting that signature from them. That was going to take some serious power.

“See, we'll have to strip the electrons off the atoms. That takes heat – serious heat. Magnetic-bottle type heat. And big lasers... or maybe a proton beam. If it weren't for that, we could run this thing of household 110 volts. What we need is a plas... ma...”

Shego was grinning at her.

“Oooookay... right. How silly of me.”

Construction soon began. It went slowly. They took two months just to figure out how to make a thin steel rod out of a thick one by turning it on a lathe. Apparently, grinding the bits was a something of an art, and Kim found that she had a talent for it. So Kim ground while Shego turned. It worked out well. That talent did not crossover into drilling holes, though, and after Kim burned through her third belt on the drill-press, Shego took over that job permanently. They were both at a loss with the milling machine, and the first groove they needed cut took an entire month to get right. And so it went.

Little emergencies sometimes punctuated their lives: a wildfire threatened the house in year 18, and they both stood on the roof with garden-hoses for sixteen hours straight. In the winter of that year, the water-pipes froze solid. They each blamed the other, and conditions became uncomfortable - and perhaps a bit unsanitary as well - until the following spring.

That summer, they headed back to Boston – there were some exotic materials and components Kim thought they might find there, and cut several years off the time it would take to manufacture them on their own. The going was easy, since the road was already cleared, and they went by the Illinois route rather than the St. Louis one. It only took a month to get there.

They parked Tube Two – their new trailer - at Lexington as usual, and Kim went off in search of things immediately – Shego trailing along right behind her, now.

“See, this is where they do the nano-tube stuff” Kim said as they passed another lab door at Argonne National Laboratory. Between Fermilab and Argonne, there was certainly a lot of interesting research. “What they do is, they take Bucky Balls – that's a stable crystal form of pure carbon, looks like a soccer-ball – and open the ends of it, and then...”

Shego leaned on the door-fame with her arms crossed. Usually, she didn't miss having a voice all that much, but there were times... She knocked on the door to get Kim's attention.

“Huh?” Kim read her body language immediately, “Okay, okay, so I got side-tracked. The niobium spheres we're looking for should be just a little further on, in the Neutrino Detector Lab.” Shego continued to glare at her as Kim came back out into the hallway. “We're going! We're going! Geez...”

By fall, it was time to head further in to the M.I.T. Labs downtown. They just needed a few things there, and Kim had a pretty good idea where they were. It was just a day-trip.

Until they passed the cathedral.

Shego stopped the Humvee and cut off the engine. Kim looked at her, then at the cathedral, and got out.

It was close to 10 years ago they'd married here. Though neither of them had thought about it since then, now they recognized the turning point in their lives. Kim didn't say anything as they walked inside.

The candles had burned away, but the colored light from the stained-glass window was the same, and the boom-box still stood in front of the alter. The church was absolutely silent.

They held hands. Kim felt the wedding-ring on her left hand – its presence oddly comforting. Shego reached into her jacket with her right hand and pulled out the matching ring on her necklace. Then she put the ring back and felt the choker around her neck.

A lot had happened in the last decade. Shego looked up at the stained-glass, and thought with words, because it seemed important, Okay. You were right, and I was wrong. Thank you. Whatever you are.

They left. But before the door closed behind them, Shego turned to look inside again, with a final thought: See ya later.

They made it back to the farmhouse before the depths of winter.

Year twenty was mostly spent in assembly and testing back in the warehouse where the original Transporter Loops had been. They stacked the burned-up equipment outside – amplifiers, power-supplies, 55-gallon-sized capacitors, transformers that they had to move with a forklift.. Shego melted six niobium spheres before she found the right combination of heat and energy that would allow her “quantum signature” to be extracted without destroying the device performing the extraction.

By that winter, there was only one test left to do. Fire it up. They were both apprehensive.

“So, like I said, Doc – it'll either work right away, or not at all.” Kim tried to sound factual, but her hands were trembling. “Once you light up the sphere, all I'll have to is flip this switch, and they should see us. I figure the Loop should just appear to us right where the old one used to be. Once you charge the sphere, we've got about ten seconds to flip it before your plasma wears down too much to extract the signature.”

So this was it. Or rather, this might be it... they were either about to go “home” - or not. “Home” to things like doctors and hospitals. “Home” to supermarkets filled with stuff less than two weeks old.

“Home” to... the people they had left behind. If they were still there. Kim had made it clear that there was no way to tell how much time had passed there. Months? Years? Decades? And if it was “months”, then how was that going to work – they were 20 years older now than when they'd left. Kim might be older than her mother. Shego would be the “big sister” to Hego now, by far the senior sibling of the family.

And of course, Shego was still Wanted in Eleven Countries. How was that going to work out? What would they do? How would they live? And would they live... together?

That was the question that wore on Kim's mind most. How could she be with Shego back in The World? Kim had faced the question often enough now that she realized she had a problem. Try as she might, she just could not imagine what it would be like if everyone knew that she... slept... with another woman. People would never just leave it there. They'd imagine things. A lot of them would probably be true, too. It was so unfair! One didn't look at a heterosexual married couple and imagine the things they did in bed! That would just be weird... but a homosexual couple? Wow, that's different! I bet she puts her mouth on... gah! SO unfair! Why did people have to be like that?

Shego reached for Kim and hugged her tight for a long time. There were so many things she wanted to say... things that wouldn't fit on a pad of notebook paper. When she finally released Kim, Shego saw tears in her eyes. Shego just wanted to say It's just CHANGE, Red... It'll all be okay. We'll still be together, whatever happens. Things will change, but what we have won't. It'll be okay...

“Yeah, I'm just scared is all. The usual thing. Oh, I know it's stupid, Doc... but I just can't help it!”

Kim turned back to the switch on the console before her. “But I know it has to be done. Maybe they can fix your voice, and my ankle. And maybe we can get a pizza, huh?”

Shego punched her in the arm jokingly, trying to help her make light of the situation.

“Right. Let's just get it over with. Might not work anyway...” Kim said, trying to keep the hope out of her voice, “Okay Doc, charge it up.”

Shego laid a hand on the niobium sphere and lit. Her plasma was seemingly sucked onto it's surface – kept from the metal by an EM field only a fraction of a millimeter thick. She removed her hand and cut her plasma, watching the green glow continue to play across the surface of the black metallic ball.

Next to her, Kim put her hand on the knife-switch that would energize the transmitter. She had ten seconds to throw the switch.

And she couldn't do it. She couldn't risk going back because she couldn't imagine living there. And if she couldn't live there, as she lived here, then that would be The End, and Kim wasn't ready to accept that – not if she could stop it.

But what about Shego, Kim wondered. She was counting on this, wasn't she? Could she deny Shego... deny her the whole World just because she would be too embarrassed to live there? How pathetic was that? No, she couldn't do that. She had to throw the switch.

She had to.

Three more seconds ticked by.

She had to!

Shego put her hand onto Kim's, so they were both holding the handle of the switch. Kim wondered what to make of it... maybe it was just some kind of ceremonial thing – throwing it together. She waited for Shego to start pushing down – Kim wouldn't have to do it herself, and Shego wouldn't have to know.

Three more seconds.

What's she waiting for? Kim thought to herself, Time's almost... what?

Gently, slowly, Shego lifted Kim's hand off the switch.

The green glow of the sphere faded away.

Kim turned to look at her wife. “I... I'm sorry Doc... I-” But Shego just put her finger to Kim's lips again, and then - still holding onto her hand - led her out of the warehouse.

They went home.

The Beacon wasn't mentioned for two weeks. Life appeared to be normal.

Then they fought – their biggest argument to date. Shego had less reason to want to go back, but dammit, she missed things back in The World! And besides, her study of medicine had taught her that for most serious illnesses or injuries, there wasn't really much she could do. All the medicines had expired long ago. To even set up an X-ray machine would be a major undertaking, and probably require years more study. It just wasn't a good idea to stay in this world, if they had a chance to leave it!

And Kim – Kim had lots of reasons to go back... her family, her career – she was only 35 now, she still had time – and they could probably fix her ankle good as new in a few weeks! Kim was just going to have to get the fuck over this damned lesbian-phobia of hers!

But Shego didn't understand that phobia. Perhaps Shego had been a celebrity, of sorts, but Kim had been Miss All-American Good Girl: Apple-pie! Hot-dogs! Chevrolet! To go back and have everyone know, oh, by the way, I'm gay. This is my wife, Shego – she's okay once you get to know her. And she's REALLY good in bed... was just... unthinkable! And then there was Mom and Dad – whom she'd spent her childhood trying to live up to – what about them? They'd probably want to know what Shego had done to her... what weird kind of mind-control scheme Drakken was up to now. It would be infuriating and embarrassing and stupid and horrible! And she couldn't do it. Kim just could not do it!

At least, not yet.

Kim couldn't understand why Shego was so upset about it. Their life here wasn't so bad... what was the big deal? They could go back any time, assuming it actually worked. It never occurred to Kim how it might feel to Shego, knowing that the love of her life was too embarrassed to be seen with her in public.

In the end, there was nothing left to do but reach a truce: they would stay, for now. But this was not the end of the matter. And Shego, for her part, would just have to deal with Kim being Kim – as much as it galled her to think about it. She tried not to. It got easier as the months went on, but it never went away.

In the Summer of year 21, the four-wheel-drive lock-up solenoid on the Humvee gave out. Obviously, it had been waiting to happen, because when Shego took the transfer-case apart, the solenoid shaft was chewed up far beyond what could have possibly happened on that particular day, or even week.

She could replace it with a new one... but it was a rather odd part, and she'd probably have to go to another state to find an Army Parts depot that had it. On the other hand, the shaft was a fairly simple part. Seven inches long, threaded on one end, a notch in the other. She could just make one. She had the experience by now. No sweat.

She chose stainless-steel round-stock and chucked it up on the lathe. That kind of steel was relatively easy to work with, compared to high-carbon steel or steel alloyed with exotic additives like tungsten or molybdenum.

All she had to do was turn it to the proper diameter, cut threads, and grind the notch. No problem. Have it done in a few hours.

As Shego began to turn it, the steel strand cut by the bit spiraled up and away, eventually reaching the floor and coiling there. It never broke. Shego had never cut a piece of stainless this large before, and with other, harder steels, the strands always broke or burned apart every few inches. Not the stainless. It just kept coming off in a continuous, sharp-edged, flat wire. It was kind of neat to watch.

Then, as Shego was cutting close to the chuck-end of the stock, the strand got caught by the spinning jaws, and began to wind around it, bringing the loose and scattered coil on the floor with it, and Shego, standing amongst the loops, was almost instantly tripped by the strand, bound by the strand, and sliced by the strand in seven places, down to the bone.

In the house, at her desk, Kim heard the radio beep. This was the first time it had ever happened, and Kim tripped over her own feet three times trying to run to the barn.

She found Shego standing, hunched over the chuck of the lathe, bound there by a spaghetti-like chaos of shining metal wire. Blood spurted from her legs in three places, and from her arm in two more. She was also bleeding from her back and belly and hips where the wire disappeared into her flesh after having cut its way through her clothes.

“SHEGO!!” Kim screamed, “What happened?” In her panic, she'd forgotten that Shego wouldn't be able to tell her.

Kim bent over to see her wife's face, was she even still alive? So much blood...

Kim Possible had no super-powers, unlike the other Heroes back in The World. Aside from her martial-arts skills, she had only one thing going for her: the ability to think fast under extreme pressure.

She thought fast.

The wires would have to be cut away, that much was obvious. The lathe was the root cause of the problem. It appeared to be off – in fact, it's breaker had finally tripped. Wire-cutters. There.

So many wires! The bleeding. If not stopped, it would have to be at least slowed. Leaving Shego bent over the lathe still, Kim went and found rope, and a knife to cut it with, and scrap pieces of wood and bar-stock with which to tighten it. Five minutes after she'd entered the barn, she had Shego cut free and four tourniquets around various parts of her body. Now to get her moved.

Moved to... the house? What would she do there? Kim wasn't trained to handle this, the way Shego was. What was she going to do in the house? What Shego needed was... a hospital.

And doctors.

“Can you hear me, Doc?” Kim asked gently, as she prepared to lift Shego off the lathe. Shego blinked her eyes in response. She felt so cold...

“We're going home, Doc. Back to the world. You've gotta stay with me, you've gotta light up the sphere. Okay Doc? Shego? Can you hold on?”

Shego blinked again. She'd try. Although she'd rather just go to sleep. Sleep would be so good, right now...

Kim had to drag Shego by the shoulders out to the Humvee, and trying to lift her into the backseat brought her ankle to new heights of pain, but she did it. Pain be damned. Time was short, and Kim knew it. She drove the truck to the warehouse.

Getting Shego out of the truck was as bad as getting her in, but finally, Kim was holding her up next to the niobium sphere.

“Shego? Shego, we're here. Shego?” She was breathing, but her eyes were closed. Oh shit! “SHEGO!! SHEGO!!” Kim screamed, shaking her to get her awake. Her eyes squinted open. “You gotta light up, Shego! You gotta do it like before – without melting the sphere... remember? Please, Shego... we're almost home... please light up...”

Light up? Gah... couldn't it wait? Couldn't it wait till... morning?

“SHEGO!! Light the sphere! Like before! DO IT NOW, SHEGO!!”

Oh, fuck, all right. Then can I go to bed? It would be so nice to be warm, and in bed...

Plasma began to flicker around the ball.

“Good! Keep going Doc! Keep feeding it! Stay AWAKE Doc! Please!”

In a few seconds, the sphere was aglow with plasma.

“Okay, cut it now Shego. Cut your plasma! Can you hear me? Cut it!”

Gladly. Now will you please leave me alone? I want to go to sleep...

Without a second's hesitation, Kim pulled the knife-switch down and energized the Beacon. Instantly, a glowing blue ring of light appeared in front of the console, just where the original Transporter Loop #2 had been, before they'd melted.

“Okay, come on Shego... we're going home. You can go to sleep when we get there, okay? Just... this way...” Kim stumbled toward the iridescent ring of light.

She didn't even look back as she fell into the Ring with Shego in her arms.

And exited on the other side of Ring #2. Shego landed on her feet still holding onto Kim, but the fight stopped - because they were both suddenly freezing cold. They wrapped their arms around themselves in a desperate attempt to get warm, each still glaring at the other and ready to start again at any hint of a break in the truce.

“Gah! What the heck was THAT?” Kim asked, “I'm freezing!”

“Yeah. Good job pushing us through it, Princess... we're lucky it worked” Shego replied, setting her hands faintly aglow to warm herself faster. If she could thaw herself a reasonable amount before Kim could, she could get some advantage from this situation. Maybe take the goody-two-shoes cheerleader down for good, finally. A swift knee to the spine ought to do it. Or maybe an elbow to the neck. She considered her options while she rubbed her arms. “Dr. D!” she yelled, “You take care of the buffoon yet?”

Instead of an answer, Shego and Kim heard applause. That was strange enough, that they dared look away from each other to see what the hell was going on.

The warehouse – which seemed to be considerably more brightly lit – was full of people. Not only Dr. Drakken, but Dr. Director, Will Du, Dr. and Mrs. Dr. Possible, Ron with Rufus on his shoulder, a dozen armed GJ agents, another dozen men and women in white lab-coats and carrying clip-boards – and everyone was looking at Kim and Shego, and clapping their hands.

“What the HELL...” Shego said.

Chapter Text

March:

Kim's jaw dropped as well as she gaped at the applauding crowd. Where had all these people come from? There was Dr. Director, Will Du, the other armed GJ agents... and Dr. Drakken just standing there, apparently without a care in the world as far as the presence of the Law right next to him! Something was obviously wrong with this picture. She looked back at Shego, who was also gawking at the spectators. Something looked... different about her. Kim couldn't put her finger on just what it was. The hair?

Before she could even attempt to put the pieces together, her mother and father were pulling her away from Shego, hugging her, congratulating her on “getting back home”. What did they mean by that? She anxiously looked for Shego, ready to defend herself and anyone else from one of her attacks, only to see her being led away by Dr. Drakken. He seemed to be gesticulating and rambling on about his brilliance, as usual. None of the GJ agents were paying them the slightest heed. The technicians were busy shutting down the equipment, the GJ agents were putting away their guns, and her parents – with Dr. Director, Ron, and Agent Du – were leading Kim to a limousine outside.

No crowd attended Shego, however.

“... and then I said, yes, I CAN scan the m-brane interface for them, but I still won't be able to FIND them unless... which is when it occurred to me that your plasma just might show up on the scanner, do you see? Naturally, I had to explain the whole concept of quantum signatures to them... But when the Director offered a temporary truce, financing, and technical assistance, well, I -”

“Dr. D!” Shego finally shouted at him as they went outside to the hovercraft, “It was you, me, Kim, and the Buffoon! Where did all these other people come from?! Just answer the question!” Everything had changed when she'd gone through that loop, apparently. And she felt... funny, too. Everyone else looked the same – Drakken, Ron, Dr. Director – everyone except Kim. Something was different about the teenager. Something about her... face?

“Oh, of course, it must be very confusing for you... You see, the time-stream does not exist inside the Tunnel because-”

“DAMMIT, Drak!”

“Ah.... yes. You've been gone thirteen days, Shego. To you, it was an instant, but here, thirteen days have gone by since you entered Loop #1. You see, -”

“Thirteen DAYS?! I went into one loop and came out the other thirteen DAYS later? That never happened in the tests....”

“Well... no. I think it was probably your glow that threw things off. I had never anticipated what might happen when transporting energy – as energy – in quantity. Your glow is quite powerful, you understand. I'm afraid you rather overwhelmed the rho-dp bias transformer when you entered, which subsequently-”

“So, where was I for thirteen days, then?”

“Well, quite literally. you were nowhere, Shego. I suspect you were trapped at the intersection of another m-brane, neither here nor there – although I have no way of knowing. Your plasma revealed which intersection because your signature matched on our side, don't you see, so -”

“And you made a deal with the GJ?”

“Oh, yes, they were quite eager to retrieve Miss Possible – I suspect her parents may have had something to do with it – and were willing to-”

“Lemme see if I got this straight, Drak. We're testing your Transporter. Princess and her sidekick show up, probably looking for the tritium I stole. We go into the transporter and disappear. You and the GJ call a truce, Dr. Director sets you up with whatever the hell you need, and thirteen days later, we finally come out of Loop #2?”

“In a nutshell, yes.”

Shego thought it over for a moment, then leaned back in her hovercraft seat, inspecting the claws of her gloves. Something unexplainable and weird had happened to her – but at least it had happened to Kim as well, so the Cheerleader didn't have the upper hand or anything. No big deal, then... “So, what now?”

“Oh. Well, the Transporter idea is out, I guess. Not reliable enough. But I have another plan...”

“Hey KP” Ron said, sitting down next to her in the cafeteria, “I gotcha a 'Welcome Back to Reality” present!” He proudly held out a plastic-wrapped package of Hostess Sno-Balls. Pink.

Kim looked at it expecting to be excited – but felt slightly nauseous instead. “Uh... thanks, Ron. I'll save 'em for later...”

“But they're your favorite!”

“They're kinna sweet...” Kim replied guiltily. She should have wanted to snarf them down then and there. Ron had done a nice thing, and here she was getting sick thinking of it.

“Well YEAH they're kinna sweet! I've been telling you for... since I can remember that they're too sweet, but...”

“Ron? Thanks. Really. I'll eat 'em later, okay?”

“Fine. Now you change your mind” he glanced at her choice for lunch – mystery meat, an apple, cole-slaw. Ron was having a more typical fries, hamburger, and more fries. And a soda. Kim had a glass of water.

“Run out of your fav soda, KP? Want me to go get ya a DP from the machine in the gym?”

Ron was being so considerate... that it was embarrassing. “They had DP Ron, I just wanted water, okay? Maybe my sweet-tooth has worn off or something, I don't know. Would you stop being so nice? It's weirding me out...”

“It is?”

She looked up at him as he sat down. Good point, Ron. It is? It never used to... she thought. “Yeah, uh... sorry Ron. I guess I just feel a little strange still. Being trapped in the Null Void for thirteen days, y'know.” She pecked him on the cheek.

“That was two weeks ago, Kim. It's still making you feel funny? Maybe you should -”

Beep Beep Be-Beep

Kim fished her Kimmunicator from her backpack. Finally, things were getting back to normal. There was the ten year old computer genius's face on the screen, as usual. “What's the sitch, Wade?”

“This is the part where you give up, Shego!” Kim said with narrowed eyes.

“Princess! About time... I thought you'd never get here...” Shego replied snidely.

Shego was wearing her green and black cat suit, as usual. It really looked good... that is, it suited her well – Kim thought. No pun intended. NOT a good time for mental wandering, Kim!

Ron was already off looking for Dr. Drakken as the two girls closed for the fight.

It began in the usual way as they warmed up, punching, blocking, kicking, ducking. This wasn't the serious part yet. This was just foreplay, getting into the mood. After a minute and a half of that, it was time to get down to business.

But something was different... “Problem with the glow, Shego?” Kim said with all the sarcasm she could muster. Her enemy had apparently forgotten to light up.

“Huh? Oh. Yeah...” Gawd! Shego thought, What the fuck is WRONG with me? I wish I could figure out what's DIFFERENT about her! It's throwing me off here... She needed to stall, clear her head. “You've been training again, Kimmie? I wouldn't have thought you'd have the time, what with important cheer leading to do an' all.”

“I was gonna say the same to you Shego. Finally get bored with your nails?”

That hit Shego where she lived, and they resumed fighting with new intensity. But still couldn't land a hit on each other. They were both getting frustrated. Normally they would have thrown each other to the floor at least a couple of times by now...

Finally, Kim saw an opening. Shego had just come off a double-spin left-hook combo, and one of her arms was thrown to the side by Kim's block, while the other was in use for balance as she tried to set up her stance for another kick. Kim lunged for the Thief's throat – and got there! She pressed both thumbs just above her enemy's larynx, hard enough to show Shego that she didn't dare retaliate lest Kim collapse her windpipe permanently – and then she froze.

Time stood still for a fraction of a second as Kim stared at her hands on Shego's throat. Something like an electric buzz of horror passed through her brain, front to back. She let go of Shego's throat as if the Thief were the source of that shock, and paused in wonder about what she'd felt. Nothing like that had ever happened to her before... It was... it was like a flashback or something, or deja vu, or something remembered but... not remembered.

Meanwhile, Shego finished her set-up and – not taking the time to wonder why she was being allowed the opening - given that Kim had her by the throat only a moment before - kicked her in the gut just as hard as she could. Kim was lifted off her feet and flew back against the wall, where she crumpled to the floor.

Now it was Shego's turn - “OH MY GOD KIM! I'm sorry!” she screamed, running up to her and kneeling at her side. She lifted Kim's sweater to expose her belly, apparently looking for something, “Does it hurt? Are you okay? TALK to me Kim!”

Kim looked up at Shego with squinty eyes and a furrowed brow. What was Shego... talking about?

And when Shego looked into those eyes, she wondered the same thing: What... what the HELL am I saying?!! What the HELL AM I DOING? She pulled her hands from Kim's stomach abruptly, sticking them out to the side in a gesture of wait! Just... wait... Still holding her arms out, she slowly stood. She began to back slowly away, as if Kim had some kind of contagious disease. Something's not right... Something's not right she repeated to herself over and over.

“Shego-” Kim began, trying to catch her breath and speak at the same time. Too many strange things were happening here. Was it part of some plan? Most strange things that happened to Kim were part of someone's Plan...

But Shego had already turned around and was running away, fast as she could, still thinking SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT! SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT!

Kim panicked, seeing her run away like that, hearing her boots on the linoleum, like time was running out, and she shouted, “SHEGO! WAIT!!”

But Shego didn't stop. Kim would spend a long time afterwards wondering what she had wanted Shego to “wait” for.

“So they both got away...” Dr. Director said towards the end of her debriefing, “Team Possible lost them again. Is that what you're telling me?”

Kim winced at the “Team Possible” remark. She had screwed up that mission. Ron had done exactly what he was supposed to do - he even had Drakken cornered and weaponless. But then Shego had shown up, and Ron hadn't dared fight her over Drakken, so he'd had to let Dr. Drakken go, or risk being burnt to ashes. It was Kim's fault – and she knew it. Shego was her responsibility.

Whose idea was it to call the two of them “Team Possible” anyway, Kim wondered... and then it occurred to her – of course, Kim had just assumed that would be their name.

“Well... they didn't get what they came after, at least” Ron offered by way of excuse.

“Perhaps not. But they'll try again, and next time we may not be aware of it. Is there nothing you can tell me about her apparent concern for you after she hit you in the torso, Kim?”

“Uhm... no” Kim faltered. She hadn't told Dr. director about getting her hands around Shego's throat. For some reason, Kim didn't even like to think about that. It made her shudder inside. “She just... I told you what she said... it was weird. I have no idea. I guess I was too shocked to go after her, when that happened... plus, I was still trying to catch my breath. She knocked the wind out of me with that kick...”

Dr. Director recognized excuses when she heard them. “I see. Well, see that it doesn't happen again.” She made a point of looking down at her appointment book and flipping a page, “That is all, people. You may go.”

April:

Shego woke up in a cold sweat of absolute panic. She'd been running and running through the ruined streets of St. Louis – why St. Louis? She'd never even been to St. Louis... - looking for Kim, screaming her name, and trying to listen for a reply over her own panting breath. There'd been an earthquake. Somehow she knew that she'd been running like that for days on end. Desperately looking for her arch-nemesis. But... why?

Well, it was just a dream. Still, it was kind of a pisser to know that the damn cheerleader was in her head like that. So much that she'd dream about her. Doy! The very idea made her feel... uneasy. That reaction she'd had when she'd connected with Kim's stomach last time... she was still trying to figure that out. Well, maybe that was just a fluke. Obviously she'd momentarily confused Kim with someone else. Someone she wouldn't want to kick in the gut... although she had no idea who that might be.

Maybe she should avoid running into Kim for awhile. Sort of a vacation from Team Possible. She had been setting up her missions intentionally to alert the GJ to her presence and thus have the opportunity to fight the girl. Hoping to finally beat her to the point of getting her out of the way for awhile. As a fighter, the damn teenager was just frustratingly good! She seemed to anticipate all her moves... It was almost as if Shego had taught her herself.

She went outside to cool off from the nightmare, walking aimlessly in the moonlight. It was unusually bright outside, for 4 a.m., and Shego looked up at the moon, full and bright. Well, no wonder.

Dr. Drakken was waiting for her in the kitchen when she finally came back into the Lair. He always waited for her like that – he'd learned early on not to wake his “employee” in the morning.

“Shego! Good. There are some things I need. Shouldn't be much difficulty for you to retrieve them. Government laboratory, is all. Fermi Lab. As soon as you can manage, please.”

The Thief grunted at him as she shuffled her way to Mr. Coffee.

“You'll have to handle the material carefully – plutonium. Only ten or fifteen grams. The shielded case will weigh more than the items will. You-”

“I had the weirdest dream. I was running down the streets in St. Louis. There'd been an earthquake – the city was pretty much completely wrecked.” Shego cut him off before he got around to explaining the details of his plan – which he always did.

“Well, that's fascinating, Shego, but -”

“It was weird because it seemed so real! Like the passage of time was... like in real life, y'know?” Unable to explain better, she sipped her coffee in reverie, still wondering what Kim Possible had to do with it. “Weird...”

Unbeknownst to Shego, she had Drakken's full attention now.

“Unlike a dream?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Seemed real? St. Louis, you say?”

“Yeah, St. Louis.” It was unusual for Dr. Drakken to be so interested in anything besides himself – a trait they shared – and Shego began to wonder about it. “Why?”

“Oh. No reason. So, a large-scale earthquake in St. Louis. How interesting.”

“You know something I don't, Dr. D?”

“And you're sure it was St. Louis?”

“Yeah. I don't know how I'm sure... oh, the Arch, maybe. Spill it Drak. You know you're dying to. Why's my dream so 'interesting'? ”

“Something for the future, perhaps. A project I back-burnered once” he lied. Best to keep this to himself, until he knew exactly what he intended to do with the information. Dr. Drakken knew that if Shego had been in a different universe, some things might have been different, but other things would be the same. “You merely brought it to mind, that's all. I may give it another look, sometime.”

That explanation was satisfactory to Shego, so she dropped it before he began explaining said plan. She'd just as soon not be around for another monologue about how the world would one day recognize his genius. Pfft.

Kim was in her bedroom with Ron trying to tutor him in quadratic equations. It was a little frustrating for her... algebra was just so obvious! She wanted to get to the Good Stuff: logarithms and imaginary numbers, graphs with a z axis, instead of just x and y.

As Ron looked up from his homework to ask Kim a question, he found her staring out her bedroom window into the night.

“Lost in space?” he chided her.

“Huh?”

“Nuthin'. Whatcha looking for?”

“Oh. Uh... I dunno. Just thinkin', I guess.” That was true. She had no idea what she was looking for, but when he'd asked, she'd realized that she was, in fact, looking for something. Or someone. Outside the window behind her desk. Something good...

“Did I tell you about this weird dream I had the other night?” Kim asked.

“Don't think so...”

“Yeah, it was a week or so ago. I remember there was a full moon. I was on this deserted highway, but there were cars everywhere – stopped, on and off the road - all with the keys in them. Then my Jeep broke down, and I couldn't find another car that worked. I had to get somewhere really, really bad – I can't remember who - and none of the cars would start. It was sort of like a nightmare... but... it's hard to explain. It was just weird.”

“Can't remember 'who'? ”

“What?”

“You said you needed to get somewhere, but couldn't remember 'who'.“

“Oh” Kim tried to remember saying that, when it just popped into her head – she'd wanted to get back to... Shego!? “I meant-”

Beep-Beep-be-Beep The Kimmunicator's signal terminated the conversation.

“What's the sitch Wade?”

“You're going to Fermi Lab. Transportation will be there in ten. I can't tell this time, but it's probably Shego. If it is, she's being a lot more careful than usual – no alarms triggered at all, but we have an eye-witness - some guy on a smoke break saw her jump the fence. Said it looked like they wearing some weird kind of two-color outfit.”

“Any idea what they're after?” Kim asked as she grabbed her mission-clothes and utility belt from the closet. Ron had already left the room to give her privacy. They'd done all this before.

“No, but they keep some bad stuff at Fermi lab. Radioactive stuff. Better be careful, and if you spill anything, get out fast.”

“Gotcha Wade. Beep me if ya get more info.”

“'Kay. Later, gator.” Wade like to sign off his communications differently every time these days. Kim rolled her eyes. Wade was getting weirder all the time. Or maybe it was Kim getting weirder. I had to get back to Shego?

Kim and Ron read the eyewitness's report, and studied the layout of Fermi Lab while en-route. Shego – and it was almost certainly her – had been seen jumping the fence near the High Energy Physics building. That would figure in with the radio-active material angle, so that's where they would begin. Hopefully it would take Shego longer to find whatever she was looking for than it would take them to find her.

“Let's try this hallway” Kim said.

“But, KP, that's the Nanotech wing. The sign says the HEP labs are -”

“Wouldja just trust me, Ron? I have a feeling about this...” Kim said. Actually, she had a lot of feelings about this, none of which she could explain. These feelings were beginning to worry her. What if she were to get the upper hand and then have another episode like last time, when she'd given up her hold on Shego's throat? Best not to think about it. Things to do now.

And around the corner, down the hall, there was Shego, leaning against the door-frame of the Nanotube Lab door, with her arms and feet crossed, her back to them. Just standing there. As they sneaked up behind her, one of her hands came up to her collar and she appeared to be rubbing something there.

A heavy-looking, black-metallic briefcase sat on the floor beside her.

Kim and Ron were right behind the Thief now, and still Shego gazed into the lab. Kim prepared herself for a surprise hit, something that would take her enemy down fast. A flying side-kick to her head ought to do it. She put herself into position.

Shego just stood there rubbing her neck, apparently lost in thought.

Now was the time for Kim to do it. Shego was – unbelievably – still unaware of their presence. Kim could take her out with one move. Knock her out... perhaps break her neck in the process. Well, there were always dangers. Besides, Shego had an unfair advantage, what with her comet powers. Kim could do this. Kim should do this. Kim was supposed to do this!

But Kim could not. “S-Shego?” Kim stuttered, wondering what she was doing even as she said it.

The rubbing of her neck stopped, but Shego didn't turn around. She knew it was too late for that, anyway. She'd been caught, unawares, completely by surprise. Something about this place, about this particular lab, about standing in this particular doorway...

And now, Kim was here.

Something about Kim...

Very slowly, calmly, almost serenely, Shego turned around. She did not speak. For some reason, it didn't even occur to her to say anything. She looked directly at Kim. So different... why can't I figure out what's so different about her? Shego thought without putting it into words, even in her head.

Kim shifted her stance to a defensive posture. Ron watched, mouth agape. What was going on here? Kim had given herself away. She'd had the perfect chance! This could have been a very quick, clean operation! NOW god knew how much damage would be done – to Kim, to Fermi Lab, to Chicago... Shego was far too dangerous to play with like this... What the hell was Kim up to?!

Kim didn't speak either. She lowered her stance, and assumed a normal standing position, just like Shego. The two girls stared at each other.

Something about Kim...

Something about Shego...

But what? Neither of them knew. What they did know was that there was not going to be a fight. Whatever happened, this was not going to go as it had so many times before. Because... because there was something about Kim, and something about Shego.

After almost three minutes of staring, Shego sighed, glanced toward – but not at - her briefcase on the floor, and began to walk up the hallway, away from them.

Walk. Not run.

Ron thought, She's getting away!, and tensed himself to run after her, but then felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to face Kim.

“Don't” Kim said.

“But, KP, -”

“I can't explain Ron. I... I don't know what's going on. Just... this one time, let her go?” Kim's voice was oddly – all things considered – calm, and she had an odd look about her eyes. She was obviously trying to figure something out. Ron looked back at Shego's slowly receding back. He tensed again, out of habit.

“Ron? Not this time. I'll take the heat. Can we talk about it later?”

“KP...” Ron began.

“Tomorrow. We'll talk tomorrow, okay? I don't know what to say right now anyway... or how to say it... or... anything. Let's just go home. Okay Ron?” Kim's voice sounded almost apologetic, and her face seconded that analysis.

“Yeah. Uh...”

“I owe ya” Kim said earnestly.

Ron thought of saying a hundred things on the ride back to Middleton. That had been the best shot they'd ever had of catching the Thief. Dr. Director was going to be pissed, and that was... going to be bad. To say the least. But again, at least Shego hadn't left with what she'd come for, and no damage had been done to the facilities. Maybe that was something. He doubted it would be enough.

But oddly enough, Dr. Director hardly said a word about it. She even congratulated the pair on the lack of damage to the Lab. Kim told her story as if Ron hadn't even been there, making sure that the failure came across as all her fault. She didn't mention holding Ron back when he'd been ready to go after Shego.

Dr. Director was a patient woman. She knew that whatever was going on would get to her eventually. It apparently involved both Kim and Shego failing to “do their jobs properly”. After Kim and Ron left her office, she made a note of that.

May:

Drakken got his plutonium anyway, through the Russian mafia. It cost a little more – a LOT more, actually - but he really had no choice now that Global Justice knew he wanted it. Shego had told him that Kim and her buffoon had shown up and that there was nothing she could do, afraid that her plasma might rupture the shielding around the briefcase. He bought the story.

Which should've made Shego happy – she'd gotten away with something. Dr. D would never know what had really happened. Her paycheck was safe. This was exactly the sort of thing that Shego lived for – putting something over on someone. She'd still collect her pay from Drakken, and Drakken would be none the wiser that she didn't deserve it. He was such a moron, in some ways, she thought. Yeah. And I work for him...

It took Shego weeks to get over what happened at Fermi Lab. The weird feelings of familiarity. Her unusual excitement about going there, like she expected to meet someone or something. And the Nanotech Lab, where she'd felt so strangely... quiet. Even... contented, somehow. Every time she thought about that, her neck would sort of itch.

“So, how's the Vanishing Cream coming, Dr. D?”

“I keep telling you, it's not 'Vanishing Cream'. It's a Lightwave Angular Molecular Emitter gel. I do wish you'd stop making fun of my inventions, Shego. It really hurts me, you know?”

“LAME gel...” Shego chuckled, “Sorry, Dr. D. Not trying to be mean.”

“You... you're not?”

“You wanna push your luck, Drak?” Shego said defensively. Drakken had a point. Since when did she ever 'try not to be mean'?

“No... No, I suppose not. I've put aside the Vani- ... that is, the LAME gel for the time being.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. I've decided it was time to take my mother's advice for a change, and take care of the troublesome things first. I'm working on a way to do that.”

“What kind of troublesome things?”

In light of Shego's constant failure to either out-wit or out-fight the “trouble”, Dr. Drakken decided against telling her. “Troublesome things that I don't have time to explain to you. Now if you don't mind, I have work to do...”

Dr. Drakken was refusing to explain his latest plan? Well, that was a new thing. But really, Shego had only asked out of sheer boredom, so it was kind of a relief that he wouldn't tell her what he was working on. She knew she'd find out eventually anyway.

Shego went back to her room in the Lair to get online and see what the Senior family was up to on VillianChat. She'd been thinking a lot about Senor Senior, Senior lately. And sighing. He was so damn old! Now Jr. was the right age... but he hardly cast a shadow compared to his father. He'd have to be whipped into shape. Well, Shego was just the woman who could do that. Maybe she could make another Senior, Sr. out of him.

But the Seniors weren't online, and probably wouldn't be for a couple of hours yet. With nothing else to do, Shego would wait. She opened another window to look at the latest Lear Jet news.

But really, it wasn't all that interesting. Lear Jets were so... fragile. ALL jets were that way, actually. So much maintenance for every few hours in the air. You couldn't really depend on them. Without a maintenance contract, your new jet would be grounded within weeks. She closed the window.

Really, getting a new Lear just because it was new was kind of... pointless. Rather like sighing over Senor Senior. That was pointless too.

A lot of things suddenly seemed pointless.

What was she even doing here? Working for Drakken virtually guaranteed that she'd never be taken seriously. Now, if she could work out a deal with Monkey Fist, or the Seniors – that might mean something. Her name in the papers, Most Feared Woman Alive, that sort of thing. That'd be kind of cool.

Wouldn't it?

Or was that pointless, too. Dammit, she was missing something, something important, something to make life... exciting. Something that would make each day a thing to look forward to, rather than just something to get through.

She laid down and tried to think of what would make her happy. She fell asleep.

Shego awoke just after midnight. Another nightmare. She'd been dreaming that she had destroyed a city in abject fury. Damn near killed by the firestorm... and there was this bear, towards the end, burning and wailing and wiggling on the street... Later, in the still-smoking city, it had occurred to her what she really needed, what would make things better; Kim. Somehow, Kim could make it right. That was the dream-thought that finally woke her up, and it just wouldn't leave her mind: Kim could fix everything. Kim! God... fucking DREAMS!... She needed to get outside...

Full moon again, she noticed. How odd. Her damn father. She hadn't thought of him in years. She wondered what he'd think of her now – Thief, Villain, Most Dangerous yadda yadda yadda. Probably not much, she guessed. If he even knew she was alive. She should have told Hego what their father had done. Take his opinion of him down a notch. That'd serve him right... And as for the cheerleader...

Her mind wandered.

Kim, on the other hand, slept wonderfully the whole night. It was only after she woke up, during breakfast with the family, that she remembered her dream. She dreamed that she was leaving somewhere, for some reason, and had to say goodbye to Ron's picture. It was heartbreaking. And what's worse, Shego was there to help her through it. They'd slept together! Talk ABOUT strange dreams... this had to be a 9. Maybe a 10, all things considered. Well, could've been worse... could've been a... “wet” dream. Thank God for small favors! That would've been too weird to handle...

On the way to school, she met up with Ron, as usual.

“Hey, KP! Check this out!” he said excitedly, fishing something out of his pocket. He unfolded an official-looking piece of paper. “I've been accepted to the New York Culinary Institute! They must have really liked the essay I sent with the application – 'The Nacho: Meal or Snack?'. I'm going to New York, Kim!”

Kim's first thought was – what was she supposed to when he was gone? “When?”

“Well, after I graduate, obviously. I'll still be here next year. But I'm going, KP! I'm gonna be a chef!”

Only another year? Kim thought with some trepidation, We're going to split up? In a year? And doesn't... doesn't he care? “That's great Ron...”

“Oh, c'mon, KP, we'll stay in touch. Between the cell-phones, the Kimmunicators, and the 'Net, it'll be just like -”

“Uh, Ron? Can we drop the 'Kim' part? It's starting to feel kinna stupid. Like something out of a cartoon... Let's just call them 'COmmunicators', like everybody else does, okay?”

“Uh... yeah. All right, KP. Uhm, can I still call you 'KP'?”

Kim sighed. “Of course you can call me 'KP' Ron. Gyah...” Things were changing so fast... it was depressing, in a way. Next year would be the last year of high school. And next month, she would turn 17. It was almost time to start applying to college. If only there was some way to slow everything down, somehow. Live her life at her own pace. Stay together. The Girl Who Could Do Anything was afraid of change.

Ron could see that Kim was getting down, and suspected it wasn't just about him going off to New York. “You know I was never going to go with you to Yale, or Rice, or wherever it is you're going, right Kim? School's not my thing. Food is my thing. You know that, right?”

“I know...”

“I'm gonna miss you too, Kim.”

“Can we stop talking about it like it's already happened? I just... it's... uh...”

Sensing that it was time to break the mood, Ron said, “Hey! I'll name my first restaurant after you, how's that? 'Chez Kim'. Or maybe 'The Possible Bistro'. Hmmmm...” he rubbed his chin, “Cream Possible...”

That brought a smile to her lips, “Give me a break Ron! 'Cream Possible'? So not happening!”

“And the specialty of the house can be Shrimp Kimpura.”

“Stop it...”

“Kimchiladas?”

“Ron!” she snickered.

“I'll call my ultra-secret dish – deep-fried spaghetti – 'Possible Pasta'...”

“Oh, gawd...” Kim was laughing out loud now.

Well, maybe it would be a good year, anyway.

“Hello?”

“How's my favorite cheerleader?”

“Shego!” Kim motioned to Ron to have Wade trace the call, an automatic reaction.

“That's right Pumpkin. Just wanted to let you know that I'm taking a vacation for awhile. Won't be seein' ya around. So you can stand down for awhile.”

“A vacation? Where – never mind, you won't tell me anyway. Job stress getting to ya, is it?” It was her job now to keep Shego on the line until the trace could be completed.

“Very funny, Princess. You should work the Catskills this summer. They like that kinna thing.” Good comeback. Good banter. Good... to hear her voice, but let's not think about that. Besides, that's not why she'd called. “Thing is... I've just been feeling... a little strange, lately. Ever since we spent that 13 days in limbo. You... uh... notice anything like that?”

After a longer-than-necessary moment, Kim answered uncertainly, “Yeah...”

“Like how?”

“Well...” wait a minute, why should Kim be the one to admit to anything? “I can't explain. How's it been with you?”

Shego sighed, she figured it would come to this stalemate, but she was prepared for it - “Oh, just unusual feelings sometimes. Sorta like deja vu, but not really. Hard to explain. Had a few weird dreams too...”

“H-how weird? I mean – weird, how?” That had caught Kim's attention, and she now forgot all about the on-going trace.

“Hard to explain. Like... in the dreams, the time is passing at regular speed. Just like being awake. It's sort of like -”

“What happens in the dreams?” Kim interrupted.

No way was Shego going to get into that. It was bad enough going as far as making the phone call in the first place. Time to change the subject.

“Had any like that, Kimmie?”

“Uh...” Kim's mind raced as she tried to figure out what to say. What Shego had described fitted exactly with what the dreams were like, and she desperately wanted to talk to Shego about them – somehow – without letting her enemy know what they were about. And Ron was listening too, and no doubt Wade was taping the conversation for the GJ... who was also tracing the call. If they were to complete the trace, and if Kim could keep Shego on the phone...

They could catch her.

Is that what Kim wanted to happen? It didn't take much soul-searching for Kim to realize that it wasn't. But, how to get out of it now? Everyone was expecting her to keep Shego talking... she'd even had training in how to do just that, for just this situation! And now...

“I'll take that as a 'yes'.”

“Uhm... yes.” Kim wished that no one else could hear this – now she'd probably be expected to explain to Dr. Director just what she meant. Dammit!

“And after you wake up, you remember it -”

“ - as if it had actually happened!” Kim finished, forgetting what she didn't want to say while everyone was listening. She glanced at Ron to see if he was following her end of the conversation, hoping that he was not. Ron saw her, and held up both hands, fingers out, one by one, he'd curl up a finger. One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three... It would be seven seconds until the trace was completed.

If Kim didn't want Shego caught, she'd have to act now! If only she could convey to the Thief what was happening...

“Shego... uh, the time...”

“Yeah, just like real life.”

Five seconds to go.

“Shego... m-maybe the phone isn't... the best place, uh....” Still safe. Kim could tell Dr. Director that she was trying to set up a face-to-face with Shego, and they could capture her then.

“I think the phone is fine, Pumpkin.”

Two seconds.

Kim was out of time and desperate. She shouted “This line is being traced, Shego!!”

Calm but curious, Shego only said, “I'm keeping an eye on the time, Kim. You're not... uh... supposed to tell the trace-ee that you're tracing the call, though...”

Kim looked anxiously over at Ron again, who was staring at her wide-eyed. Then, hearing something on the Kimmunicator, he looked at it, and – still wondering what the hell Kim was up to – gave her the thumbs-up. Location found.

“Shego... I... they...”

“I know. Kim... why... why did you tell me... uh, oh shit. I gotta go. Uhm... oh, hell. Goodbye, Kim.” The phone clicked, the dial-tone came on. Shego was off the line. And still, Kim couldn't help herself - “Goodbye, Shego”, she said.

Chapter Text

The police were not being subtle as they came to apprehend Shego. Sirens on and lights flashing, she heard them half a mile away, and stayed on the phone until she could see the lights – then she just had to go. Just as she hung up the phone, she heard the helicopter. Apparently the cops were holding nothing back. That probably meant the S.W.A.T. Team was coming as well, and the whole thing was no doubt headed up by GJ agents.

Will Du was flying the chopper, in fact, with a police co-pilot beside him.

“There she is – got 'er on infrared!” the co-pilot, Capt. Hunh said.

“Uh... yeah. You might wanna turn that thing off. And don't even think about using the spot-light - she's not exactly unarmed down there.”

“So I've heard, but why turn off the infrared?” the Capt. Hunh asked, “We can track her every-” suddenly the whole screen lit up at maximum brightness for just a second, and then went black. “What the-”

“That's why” Agent Du sighed, “Your ultra-sensitive hundredth-of-a-degree CCD imager was just exposed to a twenty thousand degree heat source. It's fried now. My fault for not giving you a proper briefing – I'll take responsibility.” Will didn't bother telling the man that exactly the same thing had happened to him. Twice.

“So, uh... what do we do now?”

“Well, you know where she was – where do you think she'd go from there?”

“To her hover-thing?”

“Which would probably be...” Will prodded.

“... on a roof-top. A big, flat roof-top...”

“Like that one. Gear up, we're setting down next to it. You brought two tasers, right?”

The co-pilot only grunted. Hunh wasn't used to playing second-fiddle.

Shego had parked her hovercraft on the roof of “Sign Sity” - and as an example of what Sign Sity could do, an overly-elaborate neon monstrosity glowed in the front. Shego was inside the building by this time, about to climb the stairs to the roof when she heard the police chopper set down. So that was out. She'd waited too long on the phone... damn that Kim! Now she'd have to leave her transportation there and find her way back to the Lair some other way. She didn't need complications like this but – hold on...

There was a sign still under construction in the corner of the back room. Apparently it was in the testing stage, because Shego could see the wires leading to high-voltage transformers mounted on the wall. Hmm...

Will stayed by the radio in the helicopter and instructed Capt. Hunh. “We'll wait here. She won't get far without her hovercraft, so our job is to make sure she doesn't. You take cover behind the door over there, where the stairs come up. If she shows, I'll be the decoy. Don't let her know you're there – just taser her first chance you get. Got it?”

“Will do.”

“Huh?”

“What?”

“Uhm... nevermind. Better hurry, she might show up any time.”

A minute later, the radio crackled to life - “We've got her cornered in the sign building, but she's got her fire lit up! We need back-up!”

Damn, Will thought. “Just rush her and fire your tasers at the glow! It takes her awhile to throw plasma at you, you've gotta shoot before she does!”

“No way Global Leader” the radio said without hesitation, “We don't shoot first and ask questions later. You want that to happen, you gotta come down here and take responsibility.”

HELL, Will thought now. But the police had a point. Shoot first and ask questions later was a GJ perogative – he was going to have to go. “Roger, squad. I'm on my way.”

He didn't like this. He didn't like anything about this. First of all, he very idea of “cornering” Shego was ludicrous – the Thief would never allow such a thing. If she were actually “cornered”, then she must be injured in some way, and therefore all the more dangerous. No matter which way you looked at it, this was not good...

He could see the glow through the door to the work-room. That was Shego's signature color, all right. The one thing she couldn't fake – her plasma was always green. “Shego! You're surrounded! Cut the plasma and no one gets hurt!”

He thought he saw a flicker, but couldn't be sure. Whatever the case, it wasn't out. “Shego! I'm going to count to ten! Then we're coming in! One! Two!” and with that, Will dove into the room, firing both of his tasers the instant he spotted the source of the glow.

The Chili's sign arced, sputtered, and died.

Then Will heard the unmistakable sound of a hovercraft spinning up.

DAMMIT! he thought, Not AGAIN!!? This would be the seventh time Shego had eluded him, in one way or another. This time, it was with a decoy. The irony hit him – that was exactly how he had intended to trick her... Well, eighth time is the charm... 

Despite the fact that he had fallen for her trick – and never mind the fact that the bad girl got away again - he still had to smile. Really, to just walk in and taser the legendary Shego would've been too easy anyway. He'd developed a great deal of respect for her over the years, and she deserved better than to be shot while cornered in a sign shop. Shego deserved... oh... something involving big lasers. And sharks. Volcanoes. Stuff like that. And some sort of elaborate, unforeseen situation. Something really deep. That was the way to capture Shego.

Slowly, Kim hung up the phone. This was going to be hard to explain...

“Ya wanna tell me what's going on now, KP?”

Kim was sitting on her bed, facing the window, Ron sat before her desk at the foot of the bed. She couldn't look at him. What was she going to say? Was she going to... lie? She'd already lied – sort of – to Dr. Director. Was Ron next?

No. No, not to Ron. Not her Best Friend since Pre-K. And not about something as ... important? ... as this.

“Ron, the truth is - I don't know what's going on. I know it's not a very good answer...”

“Look at me KP.”

Kim sighed, and then turned to face him, “I really don't know why I'm... doing the things I'm doing. Honest. If I did, I'd tell you.”

“Let's go back to the beginning, at Fermi Lab. You had the drop on her, and you gave yourself away. Why'd you do that?”

“Be... Because...” she turned away from his face, and stared at her knees instead, “Because it felt wrong. I don't know why... I wish I did. I feel... confused sometimes. About... I mean... the whole thing felt weird – being at Fermi Lab, that particular hallway, that particular door, even. Just... I can't describe it.”

“Did you feel weird on the phone just now?”

“Yes” Kim finally said after a long silence.

Ron continued bringing up things, and Kim kept deflecting them with apologies. These answers were not satisfactory to either of them, but at least Ron was getting the idea: even if Kim did know, she wasn't going to tell him. That was a first. That gave him something to think about. And after thinking about it, Ron said what anyone who knew him would have guessed he'd say.

“Okay. KP? Kim? You know I'm on your side, right? I mean, whatever the deal is, or whatever happens. I guess there's not much I can do to help... but I'm here for whatever. Okay?”

For some reason Kim wouldn't have been able to explain – she wondered if that were really true. She didn't know that Ron was wondering the same thing.

Then the Communicator went off again – Dr. Director wanted them both in her office. ASAP!

After the interview, Dr. Director leaned back in her chair to think. Things were getting serious now. For one thing, Kim had outright lied to her – she could feel it. Something about the dreams she was having, something that she knew but wasn't willing to say.

There were myriad smaller things too. Kim had taken coffee instead of soda, when the Director had insisted on bringing them something to drink. Even Ron had looked surprised – so obviously he didn't know any more than the Director did about the oddities of his partner's behavior. And Kim had seemed unusually non-plussed about sitting across from the Director's desk. Usually, that position made her a nervous wreck. Now the teenager seemed to handle it with almost professional aplomb. Quite a change, in a month's time. Inexplicable.

Kim was hiding something. The way her eyes glanced to the left before she answered each question was proof enough. Dr. Director didn't need a polygraph. The girl wasn't good at lying and hiding – so there was still hope for her... but it was a bad sign.

Because if Kim were to “go over” - if she were to get sucked into the Black Hat's world somehow – that would be very, very bad.

The question looming over Dr. Director's head was this - was the same thing going on with Shego? Because, almost by the same token, if Shego were to join the Good Guys, that would be very, very good.

In the end, Dr. Director had ordered Kim to undergo a battery of tests for mind-control remnants, hypnotic drug residue, etc and so forth, but she knew nothing would be found. She only wanted Kim to think that was what worried her. Throw her off track.

No, whatever was going on with Kim, it went deeper than just someone's Scheme for World Domination. Dr. Director didn't really care why it was happening – Kim and Shego could be lesbian lovers for all she cared – what mattered to her was what the two would do about whatever was going on between them.

Mid-June (after the full moon).

“Gah! What in blazes are you watching, Shego?” Drakken exclaimed as he glanced up form his computer. The television screen showed blood and pulsing organs conveniently exposed by a rib-spreader in someone's chest.

“Open-heart surgery” Shego replied simply.

“Rather icky, don't you think?”

“Aynh... that's what people are like inside, I guess. It's pretty interesting, I think. Beats the hell out of 'Jeopardy'” Shego said. She was trying to sound cool, but actually Shego was completely fascinated by the procedure – by how all the parts fit together, and especially by how much the doctors could get away with mucking about with those parts. She was absolutely glued to the screen, and no one could have been more surprised by that than Shego herself.

Really, it was strange that she'd be so interested. Like she needed to know this stuff, somehow. The reason was on the tip of her tongue. It was sort of like how she'd dreamed she'd been searching for Kim in St. Louis – desperate to find her, not knowing why. It still pisses me off that she's in my gut like that. In her gut, I mean. Gah! The tried to voice the thought correctly a third time, I mean... I'm in her.... I....

...

Oh...

The dream-memory of performing the appendectomy on Kim hit Shego too fast, and from too many directions. It took her two minutes of staring into space to piece it all together. Starting with slipping her fingers under Kim's cecum and working backward - the bleeders, cutting the skin, knocking Kim out, driving through the vegetable patch with a Humvee full of medical supplies. Then forward, from the same place - cutting, clamping, threading the needle through Kim's flesh, tying knots. The fear, the anxiety, the questioning... the unspeakable dread through all of it. As if it had just happened. Her stomach rose in her throat.

“I... I gotta...” Shego began, but had already thrown up into her mouth before she managed to get out of the chair, and was making a fast bee-line to the bathroom.

“Serves you right. I guess you won't mind if I turn it off, then” Drakken said with satisfaction.

A few minutes later, a pale (paler than usual) and obviously shaken Shego walked by purposefully, “I'm going out to get some air” was all she said.

She drove around aimlessly for half an hour, trying to sort out her reaction to the memory, and the feelings that came with it. In the – dream – she had felt... friendly with the teenage do-gooder. Like sisters or something. Well, not quite... but... Anyway, she remembered imagining looking down at her and wondering what it would be like if she died. It would be bad. And she could feel – but not remember - why it would be bad, and that by itself was... bad. Another dream about Kim... Doy! More unanswered questions, more... crap to deal with!

WHERE the FUCK are these stupid dreams coming from? WHY the FUCK are they always about Kim, in some way? HOW the FUCK are they different from any other dream? She pondered these questions while sitting at a stoplight in the nighttime streets of Middleton. She thought she saw something behind her, and checked the mirror – only the moon. Full and bright. She made the connection – the dreams always came with the full moon. Every month. It actually made her feel better that at least she'd figured out something about what was going on. She'd know when to expect it again. That little bit of information was 100% more than she'd had before. I wonder... I wonder if Kim...

The light turned green, and it was time to go. To her right a brightly-lit parking lot caught her attention – a grocery store - and then realized she was hungry! She stopped at the 24-hour Albertson's , and headed automatically to the deli department where the ready-to-eat food would be.

Roasted chickens. Cheeses. Potato salad. Ready-to-cook pizza. Everything looked good - but... not good enough, somehow. She wandered the aisles, hoping that whatever she was craving would jump out at her.

And it did. Red meat. Beef, mutton, pork... raw and fresh and neatly sealed in plastic. Shego loaded up her arms, and then realized she was going to need a basket, and had to run all the way to the front of the store to get one. Meat! And... potatoes! Shego had never so much glanced at the Produce Department before. Now she looked at it in awe. So much – she didn't know the names of most of the items – so much STUFF! This looked good, whatever it was (eggplant), some of these... things (rutabagas), a couple of these... (bok choy), onions! Red?, yellow?, white? – to hell with it, she took six of each.

Her bill came to $384.67. Plus tax. Four bags of groceries. Absolutely none of it “ready to eat”. But her mouth was already watering anyway.

“Aren't you...” the cashier asked, looking at Shego curiously.

“I get that a lot. It's my face-cream, cow placenta and chlorophyll. It rubs right off” Shego proceeded to rub her at a spot on her hand, which of course did not change her color the slightest bit, “See?”

“Uh... yeah... Paper or plastic?”

Shego smiled inwardly. The bit about “cow placenta” was usually enough to get people to wish they hadn't noticed, let alone asked. “Plastic is good” she answered simply.

Later, in the Lair's kitchen, Shego was all business. Pans and bowls clattered as she prepared the vegetables, cleaned the greens, set some steaks out to be spiced up. Dr. Drakken came to see what all the ruckus was about. It was getting close to midnight.

“Shego! What on earth are you doing!” he asked in shock. Three burners of the stove had steaming pots on them, and the oven was on. He hadn't even been aware that the stove worked at all... it had hardly been used before.

“I'm hungry” Shego said, too busy to be bothered.

“You... you're... you're cooking?”

“Steaks. And 'shrooms. Some round white things – turnips I think. Roasted carrots. Salad with toppings. Browning up some onions. Want some?”

“Shego... Since when do you know how to cook?”

She stopped and looked around the kitchen, suddenly aware that she should have felt out of place amongst it all. “I dunno... just seemed... like the thing to do. Like it'd be good. I mean, uh, how hard can it be, anyway?”

“Have you ever cooked before?”

“Well... not exactly... but...”

Then the aroma of sautéing onions, frying mushrooms, and broiling steak hit him, and further questioning suddenly became unnecessary, “Never mind. When's dinner?”

That same evening.

SO the weirdness! Just one thing after another! Kim thought, getting ready for bed. The last bit of “weirdness” had been driving Ron's car. She had asked to (she didn't know why), and he had let her (as a joke). Ron's Toyota was a 5-speed manual, and he knew Kim had never driven a manual. Yet she did. With barely a hitch. When he'd asked her where she'd learned – Kim didn't know.

Then, dropping her off at her house, Ron had kissed her goodbye. On the lips. It wasn't the first time, but – it just felt funny, somehow. And what's worse, he'd seen the look on her face, and awkwardly made his departure immediately afterward.

It was embarrassing. Why was everything so different? What was changing?

She blew a stray strand out of hair out of her face and shrugged to herself as she buttoned up her pajamas. Getting to the bottom, she realized she'd skipped one at the top, and had to un-button it all over again.

Which is when it hit her – she'd done that before. Unbuttoning her pajamas. Working her way from top to bottom. In front of... Shego? But -

FOR SEX?!

Wait a minute... wait just a DAMN – uh, DARN – minute! I was going to... sleep... with SHEGO? And she stopped me? What... Why... She stumbled to the bed and sat on it still dazed. Something had to be wrong with what she was remembering. Dreaming, I mean. Why would I dream about – that – with... her? SO wrong! It's supposed to be Ron! Yeah... yeah... it IS supposed to be Ron... that must be it. And somehow Shego got in my head... and it got mixed up.

Sure, that made sense. She'd been feeling confused and... out of sorts... a lot lately. Something to do with the Thief, so naturally, in her dream, Shego had been substituted for Ron! Perfectly sensible.

She went over the dream for proof. Surely there were some hints, something in her preparations, that would prove that she'd intended to sleep with a boy and not a... not Shego. Something she'd do different. Having never actually had sex with anyone yet, she was having a hard time imagining what that difference might be... but surely there was something! Because... well, heck, how different could you get?

Well, anyway, that must be what happened. Just another one of those weird dreams, only about Ron this time. NOT Shego! Then she began second-guessing herself. All the other strange dreams had been about Shego too, in one way or another. She'd even “dreamed” of sleeping with her – just sleeping, nothing more. It fit. This dream felt like it was later... a lot later. She'd actually intended to... go to bed with... another girl? With SHEGO?!

I didn't want to. I remember, I didn't want to. It was more like... I was SUPPOSED to, because...

Because what?

She didn't know. Or at least, she preferred not to figure it out.

July.

Kim had been feeling down for weeks now, and didn't know why. Not depressed, really, just... down. Like something was missing or wrong with her life. Her whole life. She'd had it all planned out and now...

To start with, Ron was acting funny. She could feel the difference, although she couldn't point to any one thing that made her think so. He was still polite, still a bit overly-clingy, still the goof-ball he'd always been. But it was as if he was more... distant, somehow.

Then of course, there was Dr. Director. Her Communicator hadn't beeped in a month. Wade had obviously been told not to contact Team Possible. She'd called him up a couple of times, trying to get him to say so, but he wouldn't. His face and demeanor gave it away, though. He'd been told not to send Team Possible any more missions. Because Kim was unreliable. And Kim knew exactly why.

Well, at least Shego's still on vacation, apparently. Don't see her in the news, don't hear about any of her thefts or escapes or anything. Don't hear about her at all, in fact...

That was the last thing: Shego on her brain. Dammit! Would you STOP thinking about Shego! Gah! she berated herself. She'd been thinking about her arch-enemy far too much. Was she obsessed? With what? Shego was a snide, sarcastic, smart-mouthed, law-breaking criminal. There was absolutely nothing to like about the woman!

Okay, maybe under different circumstances, maybe if Shego got her act together... maybe she'd be “okay”. But that was as far as Kim would go. Maybe Shego could be okay under certain conditions.

Kim looked at the videotape collection in her parent's living-room, looking for something to go to sleep by. Something documentary-y, and hence boring. Eventually one caught her eye: Civilization – A Personal View by Lord Kenneth Clarke. Nah, that's more Shego's thing.

What the hell am I saying? What do I know about “Shego's thing”? STOP it with the Shego!

She selected A Brief History of Time, based on Stephen Hawking's book of the same name. A little light cosmology to sleep on would be good.

Watching it alone in her room, she knew who was calling before the phone rang a second time. She just knew.

“Shego?”

“Good guess, Kimmie.”

“Listen, I... I'm sorry about last time. The trace and everything. I really wanted to talk – about – stuff.”

“Have you noticed the calendar, Pumpkin?” Kim could feel the wince in Shego's voice – she regretted calling Kim “Pumpkin”, for some reason.

“Uh... it's the 14th. So what?”

“So tonight is the full moon. Ring any bells?”

“Noooo... should it?” Kim asked innocently.

“The dreams – well, mine at least – always come on the full moon, Kimmie. Not for you?”

Kim thought about it. “I... I hadn't really noticed...”

“Last one was in the middle of June. You?”

“Uh... yeah. Yeah, I guess it was.”

“Well, here we are in the middle of July. Time for another dream, Kim.”

“Okay...”

“Wanna... meet somewhere neutral and watch it come up? 10:23 pm? See what happens?”

“Uh...”

“No tricks, Kim. Nothing up my sleeve. We'll meet someplace where there's lots of people – I'll be in disguise. You leave your Comm thing at home. If we're gonna do this, it's just between you and me, right?”

“... I guess...” Now only 4 p.m., tonight was safely distant. “Shego... do you know what's going on with the dreams and the... feelings, and with... us?”

“Not a clue, Pum- uh, Kim. It has to be something about those 13 days is all I can figure. Maybe we got... mixed up or something. I dunno. You haven't told anyone about 'em, have ya?”

“No! No... not even – well, I told Ron about one, but that's all” It was a secret that only they shared, then. Why hadn't she told Ron about the others? Kim began to feel uneasy.

“Yeah, I told Dr. D about one too, before it occurred to me... Uhm, anyway, I think Drak knows something's up. I've been... doing strange things. I don't even realize it, until he points it out sometimes. And I can tell he's... he's just up to something, and he's not telling me about it. For him, that's kind of radically different from his usual self. I'm thinking about quitting Dr. D. For good. Uh... so to speak.”

So Shego was “uneasy” too? That made Kim feel a whole lot better. “What kind of things have you been doing?”

“Well... I'm not sure I have time to-”

“I swear to GOD I'm not tracing the call, Shego. Honest. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Shego believed her without further elaboration. It didn't even seem odd to do so.

They talked for another hour about the strange things that had been happening to them, leaving out the dreams, for now. Kim driving with a clutch. Shego cooking. Kim's tendency to limp for no reason, Shego's rubbing on her neck. The radical change in diet for both of them.

“Uh, your not gonna bring Ron, are ya?” Shego asked eventually.

“No! Like you said, this is between us.”

“Sure you can find the River Park concession stand without your sidekick?” Shego kidded her.

“I can find it Shego. And no making fun of Ron. He's a good sidekick.”

“I suppose. He seems more like a distraction than anything else. But I guess every sidekick has their own methods. It is strange how things seem to work out for him.”

“Like your method involves green plasma?”

“I hope you're not saying that I'm Drakken's 'sidekick'...”

“Takes one to know one, Shego.”

“Yeah, well... whatever. Maybe not for much longer, though. It's kind of... demeaning, y'know? Working for Drakken.”

“I always thought you could do better.”

“Really?”

Kim had to stop herself from telling Shego how much she respected her talents. They'd been talking so easily to each other for... how long now? It was nice... but it wasn't right!

“Uhm... So we're meeting at 9:30, right?” It was now 6:30 – they'd been talking for two and a half hours.

Shego had been thinking almost the same thing Kim had, and accepted the change of subject with relief. “Yeah, 9:30. See ya there.”

“Okay. 'Bye, Shego.”

“Bye Pumpkin.”

“...”

“...”

“Why aren't you hanging up?” Kim asked.

“'Cause I'm waiting on you.”

“No, you first.”

“What – we're in Jr. High now? We'll hang up on three.”

“Okay”.

“One... two... three...”, Shego counted down.

“...”

“You didn't hang up.”

“Neither did you, you liar.”

“Well of course I'm a liar! I'm a Thief! A Criminal! I have a reputation to protect!”

“Oh, you are SO full of yourself, Shego!”

“At least I don't wear a perv uniform and high-kick so the boys can see...”

“Hey!”

“What? Which part don't you agree with?”

This went on, in one way or another, and with several tangents, until it was night, and time to go.

Even at this late hour, the River Park Concession stand – half snow-cone stand for the kids and half urbanite coffee-shop for the joggers – was busy. While the rest of the River Park might be deserted - and even spooky - at this time of night, this one little part of it had the atmosphere of a lawn-party.

Shego took a far table; dark, no one around her. With her hair braided, wearing normal clothes, and in the distant glow of orange sodium-vapor lights, she didn't worry about being spotted. What she worried about was whether Kim would show up. Their five-hour conversation on the phone had been... unprecedented, to put it mildly, but Shego hadn't even noticed it until they'd finally hung up. They'd been making small-talk, and hinting at not-so-small talk like best-friends, or sisters. Or something. Shego had chided Kim over her age, cheer leading, and goody-two-shoes-ness, while Kim in turn had teased Shego about her suit, her employer, and – most wickedly – her hair.

And now, after all that, they were to meet? Face to face? Shego almost hoped Kim wouldn't show. This could be... awkward.

Kim almost didn't. She kept thinking, If it sounds like a date, and it looks like a date, and it smells like a date... If it sounds like a date, and it looks like a date...

“Yo, Pumpkin!” Shego waved to her.

Kim surveyed the table Shego had picked, at the corner of the patio. Shego's back to the river. If she were going to try anything...

Shego interrupted her thoughts, “Yeah, yeah, I know. Fine. You choose a table.”

Possibly to prove a point, Kim seated herself opposite Shego.

“I wasn't sure you were serious about this...” Kim said.

“I ordered you a tall medium-roast decaf Colombian – strong - with half-and-half and cinnamon. Hope that's okay.”

“Uh...”

“That's how you like it, isn't it...” Shego's voice had a note of something like caution in it.

“Uhm... okay, this is freaking me out now, Shego...”

“Me too, Kimmie. That is how you like it, isn't it... Doy! I was afraid of that...”

“Wait. Just... wait. The coffee was an experiment? You guessed how I liked it?” Kim asked, finally clearing her head enough to get it.

“Yeah. Except I didn't have to 'guess'. I... well, I didn't 'know', but... it just seemed right. Y'know? Like other things just seem wrong?”

“Okay, Shego. What's going on here?”

“I wish I knew. We both know something is happening, right? Or did happen... or something. Look, we... uh, we need to know about that thirteen days, Kimmie. I can't ask Dr. D because... well, I just can't. So you're gonna have to find out. I was told that for that thirteen days, time didn't exist. I think it's pretty obvious it did.”

Kim sighed, “Yeah, that's what they told me too, at first. So I got my Dad to look up someone who might know... and he said that it's theoretically impossible to know for sure, but that almost anything is might have happened. Shego? Do... do you think... they're memories, or just weird dreams...”

Shego sighed. She had known it would come to this, but still wasn't ready to face it. “It's July now. We've been back for the full moons of April, May, and June. That's three. Six, between the two of us. You ready to tell me about yours?”

“Not... really.”

“Same here. So I guess we'll just see what tonight brings” Shego said. That would be safe enough.

“We're going to have to tell each other what we... dreamed sometime, Shego. I mean... if we're ever going to figure it out...”

Shego stared into her coffee. She would like to know what Kim had... dreamed. But in Shego's dreams, she'd cared about the teenager. She'd liked her. She'd been... vulnerable to her, somehow – she still wasn't sure what the deal in St. Louis had been all about. So unlike the Shego who was sitting with Kim now, trying to figure out how she felt.

“Maybe...” Shego trailed off.

“Yeah. Uhm, but I think we need to... have an agreement, you and me.”

Shego looked up and into the red-head's eyes but didn't reply. An agreement?

“Whatever happened – whether it's dreams or... whatever – it wasn't us. It may feel like us, and sound like us... we may have the memories – if that's what they turn out to be – as if it was us... but it wasn't. I...”, now Kim paused to study the swirls in her mug, “I'm told that it's technically correct to say that. It wasn't us. None of that stuff happened to us. If it happened at all, I mean.”

“Yeah, I gotcha.” Shego checked her watch, “It's 10:30. You get anything?”

“Uhm... not... not as far as I know...”

“Maybe it was stupid to think that it'd just pop into our heads like that.”

“Yeah..” Kim agreed, trying to think of something to say. Something important was being left undone, and she was trying to imagine what it was. What had she – expected – out of this meeting? Why was it... disappointing?

“My coffee's empty” Shego said, stalling, “Want some more?”

Kim took too long to answer.

“Yeah, okay. Look... Okay... let's do this.” Shego took a a deep breath, paused, then took another. “My first weird dream was back in April: I was in St. Louis – a place I've never been, by the way – and... everything was wrecked. There'd been an earthquake. A big one. I... I remember – I mean, I dreamed – that I was looking for you, for some reason.”

(Desperately looking. All day long, day after day, “KIIIIIM!!!”... I need you...) Further clarification of the memory of the dream hit her out of nowhere as she was speaking. Shego had been wondering why she was looking so hard – and here was her answer. Not one she'd expected. She had rationalized that perhaps she'd needed to find Kim because the red-head was her ticket home. That would fit. That would be acceptable to the Shego who now sat at the table suddenly unable to breathe.

But to need her just because... she needed her...

“Uhm...” It wasn't me... It wasn't me! It COULDN'T have been me! “Anyway, that's all I know about that one. You?” The forced casualness of that lie was the greatest triumph of discipline and will that Shego would ever have. Even Kim bought it.

“I was driving down a deserted highway – there were cars everywhere, all with the keys in 'em. Some were crashed, but a lot just seemed to have been driven off the road and left there. I was driving a Jeep... and it broke down. I was so frustrated because I couldn't find another car that worked. Kind of like a nightmare.”

“Where were you going?”

“I... I don't know. I was... I mean...” Kim blushed ahead of time, without knowing why, “I was trying to get back to you. It... I knew you were looking for me...”

“You don't think you were driving away from St. Louis, do ya?”

“I have no idea. I was-” (Now leaving St. Louis - Come back again!) “... I think I...” (“Then all of a sudden it didn't matter. I didn't WANT out. Ever. All I really wanted was further in.”) “Oh...”

Perhaps the mere fact of physical proximity was doing this to them. Whatever had once connected them, wherever the memories were coming from – perhaps it was stronger when they got closer. The shock of remembering Shego's “message in a bottle”, and the shock of knowing what it meant... Kim's chest heaved as she tried to force the feelings back wherever they'd come from.

“Something?” Shego asked.

“Uh... no... I think it was St. Louis, though. Uhm... yeah...” Kim stammered, forcing the feelings away, down, into hiding, to be dealt with later. Or maybe she wasn't so much hiding away the memory, as hiding from it.

It was obvious that Kim didn't want to say anymore, so Shego let her go and didn't ask anything further. She knew that she might be counting on Kim to return the favor soon.

“Right. So, May: I was walking down the streets in Colorado Springs – no idea how I got there – and... well, I was really pissed. Angry I mean. Furious. I was throwing plasma all over the place, blasting anything I could see. Uhm... eventually, I sort of trapped myself with fires all around, and barely made it to this overpass next to downtown. There was... this bear... on fire, that I saw... Then I guess I must've passed out.”

“What were you so mad about?” Kim was so relieved to be able to ask a non-threatening question.

“Uh...” Shego looked away from Kim's oddly anxious, probing expression, “Personal stuff, Kimmie. Nothing to do with you, though. Just... well... I don't wanna talk about it.”

“Okay. Uhm... So, the dream before last – May, I guess – I was -”

Shego interrupted – she hadn't been listening, “After I woke up, a lot of the buildings were still burning. And... it occurred to me that... I should... see what you were up to.” Why had she even bothered to say that? See what Kim was “up to”? (Kim will make it better. Kim can fix it. Kim can fix ME...) SHIT! Shego stared into the distance, hoping with all her heart that Kim wasn't looking at her.

She didn't want to say that... Kim thought, and tried to think of a way to change the subject. “So, this was after the whole St. Louis thing?”

“I... I don't think so. I think it was before. Uhm... actually, I think it may have been way before... I really don't know, though. How would I know? Uh... you were saying? May?”

“Oh. Yeah... we were about to go on a long trip. I think. We had this aluminum trailer-”

“We?” Shego asked. To be able to catch Kim up on a single word, trip her up maybe... get the “upper hand” somehow... usually a fun past-time, suddenly a life-saver.

“Uh... yeah. We were at this house. On a farm, I think. We... you had this Army jeep you drove around, and you hooked it up to a trailer. We were going to be gone... for a long time, I remember thinking. Anyway, I was... uh, feeling kinna sad about leaving everything – kind of excited too, but – it's hard to describe. Anyway... uh... I had this picture of Ron on my nightstand, y'know? And... I sorta... well, I said goodbye to him. To it, I mean. I was really... down. Uhm...”

“So I wasn't in this one...”

Kim looked into the distance, “You sort of helped me through it.”

“I... I helped...”

“Yeah. Uhm... yeah.” Kim felt like she'd never be able to look her arch-enemy in the eye again. She wasn't about to say that Shego had “helped her through it” by curling up with her in bed. “So, what was your latest one?”

“Ah. Well... this one may have actually been a dream. I had to cut you open and take out your appendix.”

“You...”

“Yeah. I operated on you. Performed surgery. On the kitchen table. Actually, calling it 'surgery' is... well... It wasn't pretty. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't even know that I was supposed to sew up the sub-dermal tissue layers when I closed you back up! Doy! You survived okay, though. Took awhile for you to get back on your feet. I remember I was afraid to let you eat anything but baby-food, and you bitched at me about it to no end.”

“Why do you think it may not have been... one of those dreams?”

“Because I can't exactly remember a lot of it clearly. I was... kind of messed up, or something. Panicked. Sweating bullets. Uhm... actually, yeah, it was one of 'those' dreams, I guess...” (What am I gonna do if she dies? I can guess. Never mind. I can guess). She rubbed her neck unconsciously.

“That's why – that time kicked me in the stomach...”

“That was months before I ever had the dream, Pumpkin.” Again, Kim saw the older girl subtly wince at the word “Pumpkin”.

That one was easy Shego thought, Well... relatively... “So, what'd you get last time?”

That would be the dream where Kim had attempted – sort of – to “sleep” with Shego. The dream that was messed up. The one that should've been Ron. Kim blushed again, unsure whether to lie, refuse to answer, or modify the story and make it Ron, like it should've been.

“Uh-oh” Shego said.

Kim still didn't say anything.

“It's... it's embarrassing, isn't it...” Shego added, empathizing. She could imagine how that felt. “Well... never mind, then...”

“Nothing happened.” (SHEGO! I LOVE YOU!) Another amplified remembrance.

“Okay, Kim. Uhm... look, I think we both sort of guessed it might be leading up to this. You don't have to say anything. It's okay.”

“Nothing happened, Shego!”

“Okay, Kimmie! Doy! Nothing happened. I got it.”

An uncomfortable silence held them, and each girl pretended to sip coffee from their empty mugs.

Desperate to say something, to prove she was not speechless, Kim added, “I think it was before the St. Louis thing.” Only after she'd said it did it occur to her what might have happened after “the St. Louis thing”. She only hoped Shego wouldn't bring it up.

That thought occurred to Shego as well, and she did not bring it up. “Uh... so, get anything new yet? It's getting close to 11, here...”

Kim breathed a sigh of pained relief, “No. No... nothing. You?”

“Nah.”

They lapsed into silence again for several minutes.

(“Well, it wouldn't have been THAT bad, Pumpkin...”)

Despite everything, a smile threatened Kim's lips, and Shego caught it.

“What?”

“Nothing.” (“I'm pretty sure you would have lived through it...”) Now Kim had to cover her mouth, but the squint of her eyes gave her away.

“C'mon, what's so funny?”

“NOTHING, Shego! Gyah... Just... really, it's-” (“I mean, it wouldn't have been the end of the fucking WORLD or anything...”) Kim snorted.

“Kimmie... no fair...”

“I'm sorry... It's just... You said some funny stuff, later on. Sort of... y'know, taking the edge off. Nothing happened, though.”

“What'd I say?” Kim's smile was beginning to spread to Shego now, even though Shego had no idea what she was smiling about.

“You, uh... you said it wouldn't have been the end of the fucking world.” Again, Kim snorted. And Shego? Somehow, Shego knew why it was funny, and joined in.

Half an hour later, they finally parted company, still unaware of any new memories brought on by the newly risen moon. Any bystander would have thought they were girlfriends. But only girlfriends.

They would both think about that last part of their meeting when they got home – over and over. It just felt... good.

The new memories came to them the next day, and, Kim's recollection of the Wedding – from the proposal to standing on the church steps afterward - were deep and crystalline. And it had happened at the ten-year mark, she knew. Wherever it was they were during that time – those so-called “thirteen days” - they'd been there for at least ten years. Then they'd married. Or rather, their doppelgangers had. It couldn't have been them. It couldn't have been Kim. It couldn't have been me...

Kim agonized over it for days, eventually finding peace only by repeating her now soothing mantra; It wasn't me. It wasn't us. It wasn't me. It wasn't us.

Shego got a double-dose this time – two distinct situations - both memories of Kim's Beacon device: not using it, and then, some time later – fuzzy, cold, and sleepy memories of finally setting it off. With the same new mysterious clarity of the things that occurred to her while in Kim's company, Shego knew it all now. She had no specific memories of sex – but she didn't need them to know how things had been between them. And because the first abortive attempt to fire up the Beacon had been such a monumental event, she also had an appreciation for the time line of their experiences in the Other World. They had decided not to turn it on after having been alone together for two decades. By the time Shego had been caught in the lathe, another year had probably gone by.

Shego now understood what she hadn't been cognizant enough to realize at the time – Kim had put aside her reluctance and fear of going Home in order to save Shego's life. And she'd done it without a second thought. Maybe the girl really could do anything - if enough depended on it.

After two days, Shego couldn't stand it anymore.

“Hello?” Kim said tiredly. Figures someone would call when she FINALLY felt like she'd be able to go to sleep. The images and feelings that had been running wildly through her head for the last couple of days had finally been forced into perspective, and she could almost put them out of her mind. It wasn't me. It wasn't us. It's not possible.

“It's me” Shego said.

Kim's heart nearly jumped out of her mouth, “Doc!”, she cried happily, unexpectedly overcome, before it occurred to her to wonder why. And... why did she call Shego 'Doc'?

But Shego didn't say anything about the 'Doc' part. She knew all about 'Doc'... Like Kim, Shego knew more than she wanted to; and also like Kim, the knowledge wouldn't leave her alone. She hadn't wanted to make this call - she simply couldn't help it.

“I remembered something... Kim” Shego said. But it didn't sound much like the Shego that Kim knew. There was no sarcasm in her voice, no implied smirk on her face. None of that infuriating confidence that Shego always showed off. In fact, she sounded a little like... that other Shego.

“M-me too” Kim replied before she could stop herself. No! She hadn't “remembered” anything! It wasn't me! It wasn't us! Dammit!

Once again, Shego seemed to let it go, not following up with the “Oh? What?” that Kim was dreading.

“I... I remembered getting rescued, Kim. I remember what happened. Is that what you remembered?”

“Uh... no” Oh thank god... “But – what happened? How did you remember it? I mean... are you SURE you're really... remembering?” Because it HAS to be something else! They're JUST DREAMS! And... and anyway it... it wasn't... “us”...

“We were there for twenty-one years. Twenty-one years, Red. Uh... I mean...” Shego never finished saying what she 'meant'.

Kim was too stunned to speak. If the events in her 'dream' had taken place only ten years after the accident, that meant that they'd lived there for eleven years afterward. That meant... That meant... No! GOD-DAMMIT NO!!

Her eyes squinted shut as if to keep the thoughts out of her mind, Kim resorted to her only safe option: to ask about the mundane. “So how did we get rescued?” There. That was a good question. She could listen to Shego talk about that. Facts. Events. No feelings. No more feelings! Please...

“You built a beacon. You called it a... a 'reality phase' something – I can't remember. You said it would either work right away or not at all” Shego reported matter-of-factly.

“I...I built it?”

“Yeah. You got us rescued, Red... I mean 'Kim'.” Shego stopped speaking, but Kim could tell there was more she wanted to say. Kim would have to drag it out of her, as usual... Really, Shego could be SO... wait a minute... how did Kim know how Shego could be? It wasn't her!

Kim doubled over on the bed into a fetal position, phone still to her ear. Oh god... oh god... oh god... she thought. And for the first time admitted – it might have actually happened. It might be true. Maybe it WAS us... Oh god...

“Kim? Kim, what do you remember? Kim...” Shego's voice was almost begging. No, this was not the Shego Kim knew. It was the Shego Kim had come to know. And then Kim realized - Shego was just as scared as she was. Shego wanted to know – and feared – the truth as much as Kim did. And finally – Shego hurt as much as she did, too. What had been wrong, what had been missing, was suddenly revealed – and it wasn't what either of them was expecting.

It was so unfair to keep Shego guessing, wondering. Kim knew now... it was real. It had happened. It had been them. Different, yes, but the same, yes. And Kim couldn't let Shego hurt the way she had been... it was simply not something Kim could do. Not to Shego.

Not now.

“I remember getting married.”

Silence.

Fully five minutes of silence while the only sound on the phone-line was each other's breathing.

Finally, her voice near cracking, Shego said, “T- to me?”

Under the circumstances, it was about the most stupid question Shego could have asked. There had been ONLY the two of them, for twenty-one years, apparently. But the irony didn't even occur to Kim.

“Yeah. To you, Doc.”

Chapter Text

“Uhm...” Shego struggled to find a way around the idea of wedding, “You mean, like a church and gowns and a cake and...”

“Well, a cathedral. Holy Cross, in Boston. Don't ask me what we were doing in Boston... but yeah, dresses, music... you made a cake, and-”

“I made a cake?”

“Yeah. Three tiers an' everything! I handled-”

“What was on top of the cake?” It seemed important to Shego, but she couldn't imagine why.

“Uhm... well, y'know. Two brides...” Kim cleared her throat. Part of her kept waiting for the intense embarrassment and humiliation to set in – two girls – two women – getting married... but it never did. Where the hell was it, Kim wondered, Why can't anything go like I expect it to?

“Did we... exchange rings?”

“Yes, Shego, rings too. A wedding. We got married. Well, I know it wasn't legal or anything, but-”

For some reason, Shego was obsessed with random details - “Who... did I propose? Or-”

“I did.”

Shego considered: of course Kim had been the one to propose. Shego would never have done anything like that, even if she'd known Kim had wanted her to. I probably laughed in her face... oh god, I hope not. Apparently I went through with it, so maybe... Doy! I should've been the one to propose! A momentary – but deep – flash of shame engulfed her before she recovered herself enough to wonder WHAT THE HELL? she was thinking.

Kim thought Shego must be waiting for more, so she went on, “Really, it was kinna cheesy. I was a little embarrassed by the whole thing – even though, well, it was my idea. But you started to get into it and-”

“Red?”

“Uh... huh?”

“I think that's all I want to know.” Married. Me. I got into it. Shego could only imagine what that meant, but her imagination was accurate. She must have... loved, needed, wanted to be with, Kim. Forever. That would be the only way Shego would ever “get into” marriage. That scared her.

“Oh. Oh yeah. Uhm... oh! And you told me your real name, 'Kimberly Anne Van Gogh'. No relation.”

Saved! Shego put her fear of “wedding” away for the time being, concentrating on the lesser humiliation of having the same name as her arch-enemy. “... Oh, great. That's just great. You ever call me that and I'll... uh... Don't call me that, okay?” Arch-enemy? Or... wife...

“Okay. Doc.”

“You started using that after the operation.”

“I figured. When did you start calling me 'Red'? And... why?”

“I have no idea.”

“Oh. No big.”

“Uhm... do you happen to know what year it was when we – I mean, when they... uh...”

“Ten years. We – they - had been there for ten years.”

“Ah. So... where'd we go for the honeymoon?” Shego asked just to have something to say, and forgetting to say “they” again. She was still trying to accustom herself to the idea of being married. Period. To anyone. What “married” people did wasn't a problem for her.

But it was for Kim. She could deal with having married Shego. Apparently, Shego could be okay – more than “okay” - and the thought of loving Shego was something Kim could at least conceive. Besides, no one else had been there. And no one else saw, or knew.

But “honeymoon” implied sex, and that brought Kim back down to earth in a hard way. “Uh... I don't... last thing I remember is standing on the steps outside, and you telling me your name.”

“So you haven't had any memories where we-”

“Shego?” Kim cut her off quickly, “No, I haven't. I'd... uh... rather not talk about that...”

“You know it's probably-”

“Please Doc!”

After an awkward pause, Shego said only, “Yeah. Okay Red. Uhm... Kim, I mean.” It's still like that, is it Pumpkin... after all this.

Which brought only another, much longer, and much more awkward silence. Kim was trying hard to deal with what she knew must have happened. In fact, to ask Shego to marry her, she must have wanted it to happen! And badly! How could that be? There were no hints in the memory – or rather, the dream – that she'd wanted to sleep with Shego... shouldn't there have been something? How could she not have thought about it all that time? I mean, it's not like we'd done it so much that it wouldn't be a big deal anymore... Surely I would've thought about-

Unless... we HAD done it so much...

The only thing to do was retreat – It wasn't me. It wasn't us. It wasn't her. It wasn't me. It wasn't us...

Finally, the length of the silence began to worry Shego. She knew all about Kim's brand of homophobia... Dammit! I should never have mentioned... fuck. C'mon, Red... get over it. Please? (It's just CHANGE, Red... It'll all be okay. We'll still be together, whatever happens. Things will change, but what we have won't. It'll be okay...) A new part of her “dream” sprung unbidden from her mind, as if she'd just said it a few hours ago. Oh god Kim... how could we have known?

“Kim...”

“Uh... S-Shego, look, uh...”

Shego felt the pain in Kim's voice, and said the first thing she could think of that might make it at least a little better, “It wasn't us, Kim.”

“W-what?”

“It wasn't us. The things that happened to them... well, were to them. Not us. We... we're still the same. Right?” Shego had a great deal of experience saying things she didn't mean.

“Y-yeah. Right...” Kim agreed, but the feelings from the wedding wouldn't go away just because Shego had said that. To have a memory of love like that – and then say to herself “It wasn't me”... Well, dammit, she WANTED it to be her! She WANTED it to be them! She WANTED to... have that!

She needed that.

But.

“Shego... I... I just can't-”

“I know” Shego interrupted, so Kim wouldn't have to finish saying what she couldn't do. It was plain enough. I promised you it would be okay, Pumpkin. I... guess I was wrong...

“I'm sorry...”

“Maybe we should... say goodbye now, Kimmie. Cool off for awhile, y'know? It's been a big night, huh?”

“I don't want to say goodbye... Doc... can't we just-”

Shego didn't want to either, but there was nothing else to do, really. “No, Kim. I think... I think I'm hanging up now... we can talk more later, okay?”

“Shego...”

“Later Red” Shego said with finality, “Bye.” Shego put the phone gently back in it's cradle. Kim's words echoed in her head – can't we just what? Can't we just WHAT?

August:

Shego took an apartment outside of town under an assumed name. It was obvious she wasn't going to be able to work for Dr. Drakken anymore, so she just packed up and left while he was “away on business”. He didn't say what business. Dr. Drakken was beginning to spook her.

After moving in, it occurred to her that she wasn't really going to miss anything about life as The Thief. Learjets and lasers, death-rays and schemes, stealing and... even fighting Kim. It all began to seem like a depressing waste of time. There were important things beyond Taking Over the World. There were important things that would – she felt – bring her real joy, and now she had an idea just what “joy” actually was. There were Big Problems in her way – but time enough to think about that later. Kim needed time, anyway. Don't wanna rush this – wanna get it right the first time.

Kim weighed on her mind. Okay, so she loved Kim Possible. And she knew that Kim had loved her. Okay. It was nice that Kim loved her, but she still had trouble accepting how she felt about Kim... how she had felt about Kim. Back in the other world. Not in this one. It went further than “love” - it went all the way into “need”, but Shego would never admit to that. She didn't “need” anyone. Never had. Not since... well, sixth grade... She spent her nights thinking thousands of things that began with “if only”.

Kim tried not to think about Shego; it brought up too many problems. The love she felt for Shego – she could deal with that. To a certain extent, she loved her stuffed PandaRoo – loving people and things was not a new thing for Kim Possible. Neither was being loved. She knew her parents loved her. She knew Ron loved her – even if it was “only” platonic. Now Shego loved her too. And she loved Shego right back. Oh, but the difference... She'd married Shego! She'd... she'd probably slept with Shego! How was that going to fit into her Life Plan? Well, it obviously wasn't. At all. And besides, shoot, it wasn't even really her, or Shego, or them. It was someone else.

But – the nagging thought that she tried so hard not to think - “what if”?

On the full moon she had an un-threatening dream, and felt so relieved that she treated Ron to all-you-can-eat night at Bueno Nacho. They laughed and joked, and made fun of Wade and Dr. Director to hide their disappointment at not getting any calls from them. Kim giggled at Rufus's antics, and Ron was goofy as only Ron could be. Just like old times. It was good.

She'd dreamed about saving Shego from the dogs. Well, perhaps not “saving”, but calming her down, anyway. It was almost funny, how panicked Shego had been that time. Standing there facing the door, hands blazing, ready for anything from any direction. Kim had stepped in front of her – normally a very dangerous place to be at a time like that – and managed to calm her down. Afterward, Shego had been so... different. Taking orders from Kim about where to put things and how to stack them. It was kind of odd to see Shego in that light. Nice. Not fighting for the upper hand all the time – either verbally or physically. But most of all – non-threatening. Just... friends. Friends who could trust and count on each other. Friends with Shego. Yes, it was nice. Shego was okay, after all. You just had to get to know her awhile, that's all. If you could get the universe all to yourself, then so much the better.

Shego's dream, on the other hand, was... almost disturbingly erotic. It was Kim's 30th birthday, and something Shego knew she'd been planning for weeks, although she didn't remember doing the planning. Kim wore a freshly re-fitted Middleton High School cheerleader uniform, Shego a spare cat suit she'd retrieved from Drakken's lair. Gloves and all. They'd done some role-playing - sort of a “past glories” thing to remind them of old times - and eventually played out what those times might have been like if... well, if they'd been married.

It went on a long, long time, and at various speeds from languid to frenzied. They had both pretty much sampled the entire palette of activities they'd honed over the previous decade and even – to their mutual surprise – found a couple of new buttons to push.

After she awoke, Shego giggled as she changed the sheets. She kept thinking, Kim Possible... who'd a thunk it?

The one down-side to the dream was that apparently she had been unable to speak. She hadn't really noticed that from her dreams of the Rescue. She thought it probably had something to do with why she rubbed her throat from time to time. Probably some sort of accident, or maybe she'd caught a disease or something. Really, it was no big deal. It certainly hadn't put a damper on that night...

Good GAWD she was horny...

And no matter how often she did something about it, next day she'd find herself just as horny AGAIN! It was getting kind of hard to concentrate enough to make dinner. Driving was dangerous. Shego had never felt anything like this before... and if it weren't so enjoyable, it might have been frightening.

Awright, so apparently I'm bisexual. Leaning toward girls – or at least, toward ONE particular girl... she smiled to herself whenever she thought of that. Actually – what the hell – I'm a dyke. A lipstick lesbian. Seeing Kim in her uniform, who wouldn't be? She chuckled knowingly to herself. Yer still a classy man, Senor Senior – but ya just wouldn't do it for me in a short skirt...

Yes. The skirt. If only she could actually see Kim in the skirt... Hmmm. According to the newspaper, the high school football team – and the cheerleaders – would be practicing at the stadium on certain days next week. Shego marked her calendar.

And there she was – decked out in all the requisite cheerleader gear. Practicing her moves with the other girls. Yeah, some of those other girls were hot enough – that black babe looked like fun – but none compared to Kim. She had the moves. Shego watched her from under the Visitor's bleachers through binoculars as Kim kicked and jumped and twirled... the skirt alternately hugging and flying away from her thighs. It was nearly unbearable.

Then, after an hour, she saw Kim say something to the girl who was obviously her second-in-command, and walk off the field. Towards the bathrooms, Shego guessed.

Hey...

“Pumpkin...”

“Gah! Oh... Doc... geez you scared me. What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you, obviously... and I gotta tell ya, I like what I see...”

“Very funny Shego. You'd better get outta here before someone sees us. I mean... sees you.”

Shego only smiled at the thought. That might be fun, actually... one of the little cheerleaders finding them in the bathroom in a compromising position. Kim would probably blush. Like she didn't look hot enough already – that would just be, like, the last straw... Shego was having a hard enough time not pouncing on Kim as it was. She only hoped it didn't show. Much.

If it did though, Kim was oblivious. Even though she'd told Shego to go, in her heart she was glad the Thief was there. Shego's presence made her feel – good, comfortable, relaxed even, but Kim wasn't aware of these things. All she knew was that she was happy Shego was around. She continued brushing the grass seeds out of her hair - an occupational hazard of cheerleading. Kim wasn't even watching Shego in the mirror as the older girl came up behind her and put her arms around her waist.

“Doc... c'mon...”

Shego inhaled deeply as she buried her nose in Kim's hair, “I'm serious Red, you look really good in that outfit...” She smelled good, too. Shego pulled Kim's body against her own tightly. Felt good, too. Everything about her was good – even down to just the sound of her voice. Shego knew it would be, but the memory of the past paled compared to the senses of the present.

Alarm bells went off in Kim's head and she turned around, still inside Shego's arms, putting her hands on Shego's shoulders to keep her at a distance. This was not the time. That was the only thing that bothered Kim about the way Shego was behaving, though - it wasn't the time. She was too busy fighting off other feelings to think about it beyond that. Shego felt good, too. And that look on Shego's face, in those clear green eyes, framed by all that jet-black hair... that look was unmistakable. Kim found herself turned on despite herself. She didn't know what to think about that – or anything else. It was as if what Shego was feeling was infecting her, shutting down her mind, taking over her body.

Despite Kim's feeble attempt to keep her at a distance, Shego moved in close to kiss her, and Kim barely managed to turn her head at the last second.

“Doc... Shego... don't. We... we agreed...”

Shego whispered directly into Kim's ear, “I wanna renegotiate...” and then began running her lips up and down Kim's neck, ear to throat and back again. She knew Kim liked that. She felt Kim begin to tremble, just as she'd expected.

Kim, of course, didn't know – but like it she did. Something like a warm shiver passed through her body, and her eyelids fluttered as she fought the urge to close them. She tried weakly to push Shego away.

“D-don't, Shego...” she said. Shego released Kim from her embrace and put her hands on Kim's hips instead, slowly raising them up her sides, under her top. Kim reflexively pushed herself into Shego's body, and Shego in turn pushed Kim against the wall.

It was all going too fast for Kim to sort out. Was this bad? Then why did it feel so good? Was this... what she wanted? Why wouldn't she want this? How could she not want this? She didn't know. All Kim knew was Shego – her hands rising up her body, her hair in her face, her nose just below Shego's ear... Wasn't this supposed to be... a bad thing?

Why?

As Shego's mouth came close to her lips, Kim closed her mouth tight, afraid of what the other girl might do.

Which was not a problem for Shego – she knew Kim's weaknesses, and she knew how to get her to open those clamped lips. Her hands were just below Kim's bra now, and Shego opened her mouth and exhaled gently, warmly, onto Kim's lips.

It always worked. It worked now.

Kim shut her eyes and opened her mouth and Shego took her greedily. Kim was helpless as Shego's tongue ran across her teeth. Meanwhile, Shego lifted Kim's bra – still under her top - above her breasts, and then cupped her gently. She felt Kim's hands squeeze her upper arms – still in pushing-off position – but not even trying to “push off”.

It went on for a long time, Shego sucking at Kim's mouth, Kim writhing against Shego's body. Eventually Shego pulled back to study Kim's face, gauging the results of her handiwork. Everything was going so well, Kim felt so good, and her reactions... well, that was what she needed to see. After a moment, Kim opened her eyes and looked into Shego's – then looked away.

“Shego... someone might see...”

“Let 'em get their own girls. Besides, can't a woman give her wife a kiss now and then?” Shego began gently massaging Kim's breasts, and pressed a thigh between her legs. She began to close the distance between their lips again.

“No... Doc. Please...” Kim whispered. She didn't so much want Shego to stop as she just needed time to think. To sort things out. To make decisions. The reason Kim couldn't do more to end the seduction was simply because she trusted Shego. The dream of comforting her after the wild dogs had shown her that. She didn't need to fear the other girl – Shego would stop if Kim told her to. She knew that. The question was: could she bring herself to say it? She turned her head again before Shego's lips touched hers, but felt her hot breath in her ear, which for Kim, was just as bad as a kiss – or just as good, depending on how one looked at it.

Shego was pressing Kim against the wall with her whole body now, and removed one hand from under Kim's sweater. It went up Kim's skirt, instead.

“Don't... No... Shego...”

For all her protesting, Kim nonetheless spread her legs slightly farther apart. It was a strange sensation – like her mind and body were somehow disconnected. Almost as if Kim were observing herself from a distance, mildly alarmed by what was going on, but unable to stop her body from doing whatever it wanted. And oh, did her body want.

“Pumpkin” Shego whispered, “C'mon... like you said, 'why can't we just'... no one needs to know. Please Kimmie...” Shego removed her other hand from Kim's breast and proceeded to pull down Kim's shorts and panties under the uniform skirt. Kim instinctively arched her butt away from the wall to allow it. She could hear the desperation in Shego's voice, and wanted – desperately – to let Shego have her way. She trusted her that much. And... it was so good. But -

“Please stop...”

But Shego did not, and her mouth found Kim's for a second time. As their tongues played, Shego slid one hand down the front of Kim's skirt, and down her soft bush, and down and down, her fingers deftly spreading Kim's folds, until her middle finger was poised just outside the opening of her sex. She could feel Kim's heat, and wetness, and Kim pressing herself against her hand. It seemed like Kim wanted this, but something told Shego to stop and make sure. Their lips parted again, and Shego whispered into Kim's ear, their cheeks pressed together -

“Do you want me to stop, Red?”

Kim didn't say anything, her panting breath the only sound Shego could hear.

For Kim, this was it – she knew what was coming, and a part of her wanted it more than anything in the world, at that moment. That other part of her... wasn't sure what it wanted. There must be SOME way this was bad – why couldn't she remember why? Or how? She shook her head imperceptibly – no.

Too imperceptibly for Shego to feel.

“Yes or no, Pumpkin – do you want me to stop...”

Summoning more courage than she knew she had, Kim whispered, “No.”

They kissed again as Shego slipped inside her. Surrender.

The taste of Kim, the feel of Kim, the... knowledge of Kim – Shego was in almost as much ecstasy as Kim herself. Almost.

“Doc... Doc... ah... AH! Shego! I love you! AH! She- SHEGO!!”

Those three words, I love you, cut through Shego's hyper-erotic mood like a knife. Shego had been all about sex. Love hadn't entered into it. Even in her dream, love had only been antecedent – not the most important thing. The dream had been almost pure erotic sex. The kind of purity that's only achieved by partners in love – but not an expression of it. Her mood chilled instantly as Shego wondered, What have I done?

As Kim came down from her orgasm, Shego removed her hand from between Kim's legs, and put them back on the girl's hips, awkwardly, not sure what she was supposed to do now. The words kept echoing in her mind – love me? You love me? LOVE me? Shego remembered what it was like to have “loved” Kim. But this was now, the present, this world. It was different. LOVE me? Shego stepped backwards, opening up space between their bodies. A signal that it was over.

Kim felt that signal, and with it, all the things she'd feared about the experience rose in her mind. But of course, it was too late now. She opened her eyes – not looking at Shego – and began trying to straighten out her clothes. Pulling her bra down into place, her underwear and shorts up. She could feel Shego staring at her as she did so. It was embarrassing. Kim didn't remember telling Shego that she loved her. All she knew was that Shego had... fucked her.

“Kim...” Shego began, not really knowing what she was going to say, but knowing that she had to say something...

“You'd better go, Doc.”

Go? “Listen, Kimmie, I-”

“Just go, okay? You... you don't want anyone to find you here.”

After all that, to just go? Nothing said? Nothing... cleared up? Hadn't... hadn't they just shared something? Hadn't Kim said she loved her? And now just go?!

“I-” Shego would have said love you too.

“Would you PLEASE GET OUT OF HERE, SHEGO?” Kim shouted, finally looking her in the eye, challenging.

Shego removed her hands from Kim and hung them uselessly at her sides, too stunned now to think. What had happened here? Did something change? What did I get wrong?

“Go... go find someone else to rape. Leave me alone” Kim said, casting her eyes down and pretending to straighten her skirt. She could still feel the heat and wetness between her legs. Shego had done that to her. A woman. And Kim had... been unable to stop her. A secret, hidden part of herself had even wanted Shego to do that – the part of herself that she was ashamed of, that she wanted to ignore, to pretend wasn't there at all. The part that ruined everything – all her plans, all her aspirations, all her hopes for the life Kim was sure she wanted to have. Shego had worked that part, played Kim like a fiddle. Used her.

Shego slowly backed away, bewildered, thinking Rape? You... think I raped you? You think I WOULD rape you? That I COULD? Kim -

In her mind abused, used, and perverted by the woman in front of her, but confused about exactly how – Kim screamed at her tormentor, “GO AWAY! JUST GO AWAY!!”

Nothing left to say, Shego turned her back and left Kim standing there. She didn't know what else to do, but couldn't take Kim – her wife, her lover – screaming at her in what sure sounded like hatred. She had to go.

Outside the stadium bathroom, the real world asserted itself in her mind. It would be bad if she were caught there. She had no hovercraft to escape with this time. If she were to get involved with a car-chase... well, no one can out-run radio. A foot-chase would be little better. She needed to leave, and leave now. To hell with Kim. Stupid... girl. Just like the enemy she remembered, from what seemed like so long ago. Dumb teenage -

Teenage?

Oh my god... she IS a teenager! What is she... 16? 17? FUCK! The Kim in Shego's wet dream had been an adult woman of thirty. The girl she'd just... whatever, was a kid of maybe 17. I am SUCH an idiot! Doy! Shego shook her head and cursed herself as she stealthily made her way back to the car. What a MORON!

After Shego left the bathroom, Kim managed to compose herself, at least a little. She re-inspected her clothing to make sure that everything was still in place, in case one of the other cheeerleaders were to come in while she was there. She needed to make sure that nothing showed, that there was no evidence that she'd just had sex with a woman. She felt like it showed everywhere, somehow, like if someone came in they'd instantly know everything that had happened.

She went over to the sinks and washed her face, then looked at herself in the mirror.

A lesbian looked back at her. Some gay girl that Kim didn't know. A girl that enjoyed being... screwed... by other girls. That girl in the mirror couldn't be her... Kim Possible wasn't like that. Kim Possible – the Girl Who Could Do Anything – was absolutely, positively NOT GAY! “Gay” was for weirdos and perverts. “Gay” was for dirty people.

Kim's hair was a nightmare, she found her brush and began trying to straighten it out, something to do while her mind roiled.

I did NOT “have sex” with Shego! I'm not “gay”! It was... it was just... “heavy petting”, is all. Y'know, like... experimenting. Lots of girls do that. It's just a phase. And... and now that I've done it, I know for sure that... that... that I don't... like...

So, was she to start lying to herself now, too? Why not – she'd lied to Ron, to Dr. Director, she'd lied by omission to her parents... and she was going to continue lying, for that matter, to anyone she met. About this. Just about this one thing. She did “like” what Shego had done. She'd “liked” everything about it. A lot. A whole lot... And it wasn't just “heavy petting”, it wasn't “mutual masturbation” - she'd had SEX with Shego. Shego had had SEX with her. Didn't matter how she tried to rationalize it – that had been sex. And... it had been... wonderful.

She sighed at her reflection in the mirror. Yeah, that was her, all right. That lesbian in the mirror was Kim. She could feel it, and no doubt everyone else would be able to see it right away... Fuck. Just... fuck. Now what do I do? They're waiting for me out there... What do I do? WHAT am I going to do! ? I can't just-

“Hey Kim! You fall in or something? We're waiting on you for the pyramid!” Tara, the blonde member of the squad, said as she came into the bathroom, “Whoa! What happened to you?”

“Uh...” Can she tell? Did I miss something? Does it really show? Oh my god...

“Is it your cycle or something? 'Cuz we can practice without you, if you need to go home...”

“Yeah!” Kim seized the idea, “Yeah... some bad cramps is all... it's okay now, I took something for it. Uh... I was just getting the grass outta my hair. Yeah. Let's go.”

“'Kay. If you're sure, Kim, 'cuz-”

“I'm sure Tara. C'mon.”

A week later:

Dr. Director was not having a good day, and it had barely started yet. First, the alarm clock didn't go off - so she was already late - and hadn't had breakfast. Mr. Dr. Director was still on the other side of the world in Australia helping to draft an Aboriginal Rights bill. And to top all that off – the office coffee mess was out of sugar, so she'd been forced to stir Sweet'n'Low into her cherished morning cup of java. Not a good day at all. She kicked open the door of her office grumbling.

“About time. I was afraid you'd gone on vacation or something” Shego said from the couch at the near end of the room.

Dr. Director froze as her mind shifted gears. She stalled for time with, “Shego...”

“Yeah. No need to sound the alarm or anything, Betty. I came here to give myself up. I know what you're going to say, but... I kind of... I want to make a deal.”

That was all the time the Director needed, “You want to make a deal with Global Justice?”

“I want to make a deal with you, Betty.”

The Director went to desk and sat behind it, setting her coffee down as if the Most Dangerous Woman in the World met her every morning over tea and scones. “You must realize that it's even less likely that you'll get what you want from me than from the GJ as a whole.”

“I have to start somewhere” Shego said with an air of resignation.

“You have my attention, Ms. Van Gogh.”

“I want... I mean, I'd like to do no more than five years of time. I'm willing to give you anything you want in return.”

Dr. Director worked hard to stifle her chuckle, “Five years? Is that all... Shego, even if I had the power to do that – which I don't – I wouldn't. And it's not just the GJ, you know. There are ten other countries - all with extradition treaties - lined up to get their hands on you.”

“Let's talk about it. I have time.”

“Would you still have time if I said you're more likely to do twenty years?”

“Yes” Shego answered without hesitation. Which caught Dr. Director completely by surprise.

“You... you would?”

“Yes.”

The Director digested this information while she sipped her coffee, frowning at the bitter after-taste of the artificial sweetener.

“Then let's get down to business, Shego. The first point of order is: you know that no jail can hold you if you choose to escape. So I am going to need to know why you'll be volunteering – as it were – to spend two decades behind bars. I'm not going to waste my time incarcerating you just to have you escape when you get bored.”

Shego had hoped she could avoid this – or at least delay it until the last minute. That might have given her time to think of something plausible, because she had yet to think of an excuse that the Director might buy. As it was, she was trapped. She had enough experience with this woman to know that lying was simply not an option – especially if one was trying to get on her good side. So-

“I can't tell you that.”

“Shego...”

“I'm being as frank as I can, Betty. I honestly can't tell you. But as long as we're being honest with each other – I don't think I would do twenty years, even if I were sentenced to it. I think you'd probably find things for me to do, and my sentence would be shortened. I won't even try to guess how much, but I'm pretty sure you'd make good use of me. From your point of view, it'd be a waste to have me sitting in a cell somewhere – of my own accord, as you said – when you could be taking advantage of my... need... for a shorter sentence. That sound about right?”

Betty smiled, “I always did like you, Kimberly.”

While that was true, the Director had said it for its shock value, and noted with satisfaction Shego's look of confusion.

“I'll find out eventually, you know” the Director said.

“I'll take my chances. But yeah, you probably will.”

“I see. Well, let's talk about what I want then -”

“One more thing...” Shego said nervously.

“I do not take kindly to games, Ms. Van Gogh...”

“I know, Be – Dr. Director, I mean. Uh... I'm only asking because... well, I really can't help it. I'd just like my capture... to be a secret. As much as possible, I mean. No news conferences or headlines or anything. See, I just wanna... sort of disappear, and wipe my slate clean, and wait. That's all I really want.”

“No guarantees. You know that.”

“I know that. I guess I'm just asking for a favor...”

“And if I flatly refuse and call the press right now?”

“I'll deal. I don't suppose my saying 'please' would help at all...”

Dr. Director studied Shego's face for a long moment. The Thief was dead serious. Serious about everything, including the somewhat pathetic 'please'. Whatever was going on with her, it was bigger than stealing and schemes and villain employment. Shego was speaking from the heart, which as far as the Director knew, was a first for her. Rather the same way Kim's lying had been a first...

“I'll have someone escort you to a holding cell while I make a list of the things I want, Shego. After that, perhaps we'll find better accommodations for you – here at the compound, of course.”

“Okay.”

Betty regarded her again. A simple 'okay'? My my... this WAS serious... She punched a button on her intercom - “Julia? Would you send Agent Du up here, please? Escort duty to the holding area.”

Will walked stiffly behind and to the side of Shego down the long quiet hallways, pointing his gun – not taser, but gun – directly at her back. Sweat beaded on his forehead. Shego had been captured? And he was escorting her – alone! - to the holding cell? He had an inevitable feeling that he must be missing something.

At the middle of an intersecting hallway, he commanded “Stop! Now... right face... I mean, 'turn to the right'. Okay. Good. Now... uh... go.” Those were the first words he'd said so far.

“It okay if I breathe?” Shego asked.

Will didn't answer, partly out of fear he might stutter.

“Will Du, is it? That sounds familiar. I think I've heard of you a few times...”

“Agent First Class Du. Yes. I've been on your trail... a few times, Shego. Ms. Van Gogh, I mean...”

“'Shego' is good” she said, “and I'll call you Will. Apparently we're going to get to know each other, what with you checking up on me three times a day, like Betty said.”

“Yes. Apparently. Stop! Right turn again. Uh... go.”

“Lighten up, Secret Agent Man. I turned myself in, y'know. It's not like I'm looking for escape routes. Yet.”

“You... turned yourself in?” Well, that was a relief. It would have been even more unbearable if someone else had captured her.

“Yeah. I know – weird, huh? Just don't ask me why. I have my reasons.”

“Uh... okay... Here's your cell” he shouted behind him “Number 7! Open up!” and he electric door slid open. Shego stepped in, and Will finally holstered his firearm. “Number 7! Close it up!”

“Kinda spartan...” Shego observed. A bunk, a toilet, a desk, a chair. No window.

“It's just a holding cell” Wil said almost apologetically, “The habitation cells are better... Uhm... lunch will be at 12:30. I'll bring it....” He remained standing outside the bars awkwardly, staring at her as she examined the tiny cell.

Finally she looked at him standing there, and he glanced away embarrassed. “Something I can help you with, Will?”

“I would have gotten you next time. It would have been my eighth.”

“Sorry I ruined it for ya.”

“That green neon sign... that was a good one...” Will said.

“That was you?”

“Yes. That sign will never bother anyone again, I'll have you know.”

Shego smiled at him, “Wasn't planned. I just got lucky that time.”

“And the time with the mutant killer rabbits?”

“Oh. That was an accident, actually. Damn things were fast, weren't they? You weren't my biggest problem, on that one.”

“What about-”

“Listen, Will... I'd love to sit and chat, but it's been a big day for me – and I imagine Betty will want to talk to me again pretty soon. Kinna takes it out of ya, being interviewed by her, y'know? Can we talk later?”

“Oh... oh yes, sorry. It's just a shock to see you here behind bars, finally. I always thought... that it would be more of an event, getting you here. Something big.”

“It was something big” Shego sighed, “maybe I'll tell ya about it someday. But not today.”

Will shuffled his feet self-consciously, “Well... is there... would you like me to bring you something... to read maybe, when I come back with lunch?”

“Surprise me.”

“Yes... I'll do that” he replied sheepishly, “Well... goodbye then, She – Ms Van Gogh.”

“Later on, Secret Agent Man.”

Meanwhile:

Kim felt that she had just one more chance at saving her life – as she knew it. It could work. She just needed Ron to... well, be a boy, for a change. Not her Best Friend Since Pre-K. Just a boy. Surely he was up to that. She would lead the way and all he would have to do – well, ought to come naturally.

She still had the condom they gave all the girls in sex-ed class, in 7th grade. Might as well get some use out of it - and the perfect opportunity presented itself, too. Her parents were taking the Tweebs to the state science fair. They'd be gone a whole day and night. Kim would have the house to herself. She could do this. She was going to be a senior next year... most of the girls already had done this. As far as the boys... well, she had no idea, and as far as Ron – well he'd damn well better not have. So it was about time, anyway. Heh. “Lesbian Kim”, huh... We'll just see about that!

She invited him over to watch wrestling on tv. She wore a sweater on top – something she could get off in a hurry. A skirt below – ditto. Matching pink bra and panties. Feminine without being too obvious about it. Hair, perfume, buffed nails... mascara? Uhm... no. Well, maybe a little lash thickener. That wouldn't hurt. And lip gloss. Yeah. Good. Ready.

Now all she had to do was seduce him. Somehow. Y'know... “wrestling” was probably a bad idea. He liked wrestling. It would be hard to take his attention off the tv. But she'd already told him... Well, so she changed her mind. Maybe he'd get the hint. Wasn't she giving him enough clues already?

Ron, naturally, was clueless. After an hour of Shakespeare in Love, he hadn't even put his arm around her. He actually seemed to be enjoying the movie, for god's sake... Boys aren't supposed to like that stuff – everyone told her so. When she'd leaned over against him, he merely transferred the popcorn bowl to her lap from his. Does he think I want more popcorn? Come ON Ron!

Kim made her move, kissing Ron on the mouth – a long one. She backed off for a status check to find him expectedly surprised, then rolled over straddling him, and put both arms around his head. She kissed him again, tongue-to-tongue. Finally he began – to Kim's relief – to put his arms around her... but no, he was only putting both hands on her shoulders. She felt him push gently.

Fuck that, Ron... She let him push her away, but before he could say whatever he was going to, she'd whipped off her sweater. That took care of that – the look in his eyes said it all. She closed on him again, happy that everything was going so smoothly. This wasn't so hard to do... so not the drama. A part of Kim's mind wondered how she could be so... technical about it. But no matter, the Plan was falling into place, her life as she'd always dreamed it would be could be saved. Besides, kissing Ron was “okay”, pretty much. This was kind of fun. Sort of.

Time to lose the skirt... She let him go and slowly stood in front of him, watching his eyes as she pulled it down and daintily stepped out.

“KP...”

That was all she let him say before settling back down onto him again. Another kiss and she could start pulling his shirt off. C'mon Ron... just be a boy. This is your big chance... don't blow it. I need you to be a regular guy, for a change...

But no. He pushed her away and held her at arm's length this time.

“Kim... don't.”

“So not the time to be shy Ron....” Kim said, hoping it sounded reassuring and coquettish at the same time.

“I'm not being shy. I... KP... This isn't... I don't...” Ron said, struggling to find the right words. Finally, he took a deep breath and just spit it out, “I can't do this with you.”

That sounded final. Awfully final...

“Whaddaya mean 'can't do this with me'?”

“I just... Kim... okay, I know this sounds stupid – but - I like you too much.”

He was right. It did sound stupid. “You like me too-”

“I can't think of you... like that, Kim. I know how it sounds, and I'm... sorry. I have tried... I mean, I used to think that we'd... y'know... be boyfriend-girlfriend... an' stuff, but...” he trailed off.

“'But' what?”

“But I can't Kim. It'd just be, y'know, sick and wrong, somehow. I don't know... it's like you're my sister or something. I'm sorry. I'm such a dork...”

Yeah, you kinna are. And I kinna love that about you... but - “Ronnie... I really want to do this...”

He looked aside, avoiding her eyes, “I'm sorry Kim. I hope you don't think... It's me, okay? Nothing to do with you. Any guy'd be crazy to... to do what I'm doing. I'm serious, Kim, I can't think of you that way, is all...”

Kim sat back on his knees, defeated. It wasn't going to happen with Ron, then. And she couldn't imagine who it could happen with, if not Ron. She didn't want to even try with any other boy... ick. At least Ron had been... unobjectionable. Yeah, I should tell him that. “You were the least icky choice, Ron”. Oh gawd... I'm SUCH a bitch...

“I'm sorry too. Ron... I was just... I guess I... I wanted to prove something to myself. I thought you might – I mean, that we – I mean-”

“Kim? What's going on? I know you weren't doing this because you wanted to...”

“You do?”

“Uh, well... yeah. Even I could tell something was wrong.”

Kim thought about that awhile. He felt something was wrong? Wait a minute... “Uh, Ron? You're not... gay or anything are you?”

“No, Kim.”

“You sure? 'Cuz it'd be okay if-”

“I'm not gay, Kim. I'd tell you if I was, wouldn't I? Haven't we always told each other everything? It's freaked me out a few times.”

“Yeah, we have. Uhm... what freaked you out?”

“Well... like when you had your first period and you wanted to show me.”

Kim giggled, “Well, y'know, I was proud of it! Finally becoming a woman an' all... I wasn't going to show you...” She erupted into giggles again, and covered her mouth, “Well, I was just gonna prove it to ya, is all. Sorry. I guess it was a little weird. You told me when you started ejaculating, though...”

“KIM! I only told you that because you kept ASKING me! 'Did it happen yet? Did anything come out? Didja do it?' Geez. Talk about pressure!”

“Yeah, well... I use ta think... well, y'know, that we'd get married an – y'know...”

Ron sighed deeply, “So did I. It was still weird, though.”

That conversation ended, giving way to awkward silence on Ron's part, and deep contemplation on Kim's. She was still straddling his lap in her underwear, after all. She didn't even seem to care, now.

“So... we're still Best Friends for Life, right, KP?”

“I guess so, Ron. I guess that's all we'll ever be...”

“Uhm... I don't think that's such a bad deal, actually...”

“I didn't mean it to sound like that. It's just... I was thinking about something else.”

“Kim... could ya put yer clothes back on now?”

Why? What difference does it make? I'm – I have been – I am? married to a woman anyway. Gawd. I'm a dyke. SO obvious.

“So... uh... y'know how I asked if you were gay?” Kim said, trying to find a way around being blatant.

“Yeah... and I said I wasn't. It's not-”

“What if I was...”

“What if you were gay?”

“Yeah.”

“Uhm... That'd be... uh... that'd be weird, KP.”

“Weird? Would it be... a problem?” Kim ask hesitantly. There HAS to be a better way to feel someone out about this... Gah!

Ron answered a little too fast, “Oh no! Not a problem! Some... some of my best friends are gay...”

Kim looked at him from the corners of her eyes. His goofiness was getting the better of her. Again. “I can't believe you just said that. Like who, for instance, hmm?”

Cornered in a not-quite-truth, Ron confessed, “Okay, you got me. But I do know one: Tara.”

“T – OUR 'Tara'? Blond, cheerleader Tara?”

“That'd be the only 'Tara' in school...”

“Tara's a les- I mean, gay?”

“It's not like a secret, KP. She may not wear the t-shirt or hat or anything, but she's not hiding it. She told me at the Snowman Hank convention – you know, the one you didn't want to go to? I sorta offered to buy her lunch – I guess she thought I was asking her for a date – and she told me.”

“And what'd you say?”

“Well... I think I said 'Ah'... but I took her to lunch anyway. Dutch. She turned out to be pretty cool, except for her stupid idea that there were 74 episodes when everyone knows that there were 75. But she won't listen to reason! She keeps saying the Pilot was produced as ONE part, when everyone knows it was SHOWN as a two-parter, and so obviously-”

“Ron?”

“Uh... yeah?”

“Got geek?”

“Oh. Uh... sorry. So... seriously, Kim. You're a lesbian?”

Now Kim took the heavy sigh, “I don't know. Maybe. I don't think I used to be... but now... I don't know. Probably. For sure I have been...”

“'Have been'?”

“It's a long story...”

“Oh. Okay.”

“It all started when-”

“KP? Could ya at least put yer shirt back on?”

“I thought you 'couldn't think of me that way'... And besides, turns out I'm a lesbian. What's the problem?” Odd. She could actually joke about it – as long as it was with him. What kind of twisted deal was that? What was this weird power Ron had to make her feel better – about anything? Suddenly, she saw Ron in a new light – and understood that “Best Friends for Life” wasn't a step down from “Lovers”. It was only different.

Chapter Text

Kim told Ron – after putting her clothes back on – everything she knew about the dream-memories she'd had of the other world. Her nightmare-like frustration when the Jeep broke down on her as she trying to get back to Shego. Putting his picture away as she prepared to go on a long trip with Shego. The strange memory of preparing herself for sex – because she was supposed to – with Shego. Proposing to and then marrying Shego. Shego and the wild dogs, and the sense of trust she felt as she'd calmed her down. It should have been an embarrassing monologue. If she'd been telling anyone else, it would have been.

She also told him what Shego had said about her dreams – looking for Kim in the remains of St. Louis, trapping herself in fire as she proceeded to burn down Colorado Springs for reasons she didn't care to admit, removing Kim's appendix, and lastly the rescue it self, using the Beacon that Kim had somehow built.

She waited for Ron's reaction.

“That, uh... that explains a lot...” he said.

Kim waited some more.

“So... You married... You loved her?” he asked.

Fighting the urge to equivocate, to rationalize, Kim just admitted what she knew to be the truth: “Yeah. Yeah, I did. Kinna hard to believe, huh?”

“Not really. I've always thought there was something strange about Shego...”

“You mean you could tell she was gay? Even before-”

“No, I don't mean that, KP. I never would have guessed that she... what I meant was, it always seemed to me like... I dunno... like she coulda been cool if only she weren't so pissed-off all the time.”

“Oh. Yeah. She is. She can be, I mean.”

The change of tenses did not escape Ron's notice, “Do you... love her now? Are you guys... uh... a couple?”

He'd cut to the heart of the matter in the space of three questions. Somewhere inside, Kim had known that he would. Perhaps that was why she'd told him everything in the first place- to get her own mind clear on things. But the question “are you a couple” - was impossible to answer, so Kim didn't. She stared off at the now blank screen of the tv, her mind a blank, waiting for him to perhaps break that question down into bite-size chunks she could deal with.

Taking her silence the wrong way, Ron said, “Sorry. None of my business. I shouldn't have-”

“It's not that,” Kim said, still not facing him, “It's just... I'm... I don't know what we are now.”

“Oh. So... you don't mind, uh, talking about it?”

“I need to talk about it, Ron. And you're the only person I can talk to like this. About this.”

That took the pressure – and awkwardness – off his shoulders. “Okay, well... KP, do you want to be... a couple?”

“Y – yes. At least... I think so. I mean... it's not like it was. I feel – I mean I remember feeling -” Kim broke off the sentence and took a deep breath, “I... I just wish we could be... uh...”

“You wish it could be like it was” he offered.

Kim let out her breath, “Exactly. That's exactly right, Ron... I wish it could be like it was. Thing is... I sorta have this problem. Even in that other world, I did. I don't... know how to deal with people knowing that I... that I'm...”

“... gay...”

“God. I can't even say it.”

“Yeah, that'd be hard, I guess. 'Specially for you, being a hero an' all. If it was me, people would go 'Ron who?', but they all know you. That's gotta be tough.”

He understood? He understood! It wasn't just her! Oh, thank god, SOMEONE understands! Tears threatened to well up in her eyes.

“So wow, twenty-one years... that'd make you...”

“Thirty-seven.”

“Wow. And you were married for, uh...”

“Eleven years.”

“Wow” he said yet again, “But you don't remember ever... and you've never actually... y'know...”

So much for the threat of tears. Back to embarrassing blushing.

“No. No memories yet where we did anything. Uhm... but actually...” Kim stalled – was she really going to tell him about Shego and her and cheerleader practice? That she was no longer a virgin? On the other hand... if not Ron, then who? “Uh... last week? At cheer practice... I went to the restroom, remember?”

“Yeah...” Ron said, not making any connection.

“Well... Shego came in while I was there. She'd been spying on me.”

“Yeah?”

Kim looked at him and frowned. Why was it he would “get” some things without having them spelled out, but not others? Gyah... “We... sort of did it.”

It still took a while for Ron to figure it out. The bathroom? Shego was there? Sort of did it? Oh... Oh! OH!! Wait....

“Sort of?”

“Ron...”

“Oh yeah. Sorry. I just...” Ron took another moment to work out what exactly a girl might mean by “did it” with another girl. It was kind of a whole new set of terminology. But whatever the details, it didn't really matter. Kim had considered it as “did it”. So apparently it had been “done”. Whatever “it” was.

“Wow.”

“You keep saying that...”

“Sorry.”

“And that.”

“Sorry. Uh... Wow.”

Kim rolled her eyes – this is about what she'd thought this conversation would be like. “Ron? This is all top-secret, right? You won't tell anyone. ANYone, right?”

“Of course not, KP! Jeez.”

“I'm serious... not Dr. Director, not anyone...”

“Not...? Yeah. Yeah, Kim. Not even her. Scout's honor.” That would have sounded cliché coming from anyone else.

There was one more thing, a stupid thing, but Kim had to find out - “Hey Ron? School starts next week. I... I gotta ask ya something. You gotta tell me the truth, okay? And try not to laugh.”

“I promise not to laugh, Kim...”

“Good. Uh... it's just that... I feel kinna weird... y'know, around the girls. Uhm... it doesn't show, does it?”

“That you feel weird around the girls? No, KP. Why-”

“That I'm a lesbian, you dork!”

Apparently Kim could use the “l-word' under some circumstances but not others. “Oh. Uh, noooooo... How would it show?”

“Oh fer – how should I know? It just feels like it does, is all.”

“Nothing shows, Kim. So... it's gonna be a secret then?”

“SO the secret. For now, anyway. I just need time, okay?”

“Okay. Uhm... just one more question?”

Kim saw it coming, Please please please God don't ask me what it was like...

“Ya got anything to eat? I'm starving!”

That afternoon, Will asked Shego to gather her things for a move. “Her things” consisted of a box of books – and Will carried it.

“Here we are: you're going to be staying in the HLS wing from now on” Will said.

Shego looked at him askance, not quite believing what she'd heard - “'Scuze me? 'HLS' wing?”

“'Habitation: Long-term, Secure'. Your... cell, is right here. 404.”

She stood in the doorway and surveyed her surroundings – basically a studio apartment sans kitchenette – with a barred window – and a lock on the outside of the reinforced steel door. Furnished in what might be called Government Issue. “Doy... Homey. Reminds me of my parent's basement” she commented dryly.

“Well... you're allowed to fix it up” Will said.

“Yeah? You gonna take me shopping? And even if you did, I just turned all my accounts over to the GJ. I'm flat broke, Secret Agent Man. I don't even have a change of clothes. I don't own a toothbrush!”

“Your clothing is provided. Toiletries are furnished. I'll bring your meals. Laundry on Wednesdays. Look, I know it's drab – but at least you have a bathroom with a door on it. Your own tv, phone - local or collect only, by the way – it's better than any jail cell I've ever seen.”

“Okay okay, so it's a palace. Anyway, it's a hell of a lot better than what I was expecting. I kind of thought you'd have me in some kind of force-field bubble-dome or something.”

“Uh... that's in next year's budget. If it gets approved. We weren't really expecting you to just walk in and give up.”

“I'm full of surprises” Shego said, mildly pleased with herself for throwing a wrench into the works of Global Justice, if nothing else, “And so are you, I might add. Really, Will – romance novels?” He had brought her a box of books the previous day – a box full of what turned out to be nothing but paperback romances.

“Oh. Well, you said to surprise you...” he grinned, “Those were all I could find lying around at the office. Someone's wife probably dropped them off-”

“One of them had the credit-card receipt still in it” she said slyly, smirking at him.

Will's smile disappeared, “Oh?”

“Mm-hmm...” The receipt - from two years back - had Will's name on it.

“All right. Fine. So you have something on me. I'd like to point out that I'm going to be your only contact with the outside world for... maybe a very long time. You'd better be nice to me.”

“Oh, I would never make fun of you, Romeo.”

“If they're not to your liking, tomorrow I'll bring you the last three years worth of Police Gazette.”

“Kidding! Doy... please not that!”

“Fly-Fishing Today?”

“Will...”

“Playboy?”

“Uhm...”

“Chopper?”

“Maybe we should just forget...”

“Perhaps you'd prefer some of my old college textbooks. Modern English, Analytical Geometry and Calculus, History of Western Civilization, maybe Criminology and the Law, or-”

“History! Bring me history. Please, I mean. If you would be so kind.”

“Really?”

“Yeah” she said, noting the surprised look on his face, “What? Villains can't have outside interests too?”

“No... it's not that. I just never figured you for... nevermind. History. Got it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.”

“Yeah. Hold on. You said my clothes were provided?”

“They're in your closet.”

And so they were. Orange jumpsuits. Six identical blaze-orange jumpsuits. And a drawer of haze-gray briefs that could probably stretch all the way up to her armpits.

“Stylin'” she said with mild disgust.

“See ya at dinner.”

“Yeah. Great. Bye Secret Agent Man” she said. This was going to be one long, depressing wait. Even five years in here would leave a mark – she shuddered at the thought of twenty. It was hard to envision a more radical change of lifestyle.

Will heard the shift to sadness in her voice, something he'd never imagined he'd encounter. Not from her, anyway. “Uh, Shego? It won't be as bad as it seems right now. You'll get used to it. They always do.”

“The prisoners, you mean.”

“Uhm... yeah. Bye.”

Will closed the door behind him, walked down the hallway until he was sure his footsteps couldn't be heard anymore, and then stopped to lean against the wall and think. He hated seeing Shego like that. She'd been so good at being a Thief, capital T. Her and her jets and hovercraft, her martial-arts and plasma. Now she was just another prisoner. No sharks, no volcanoes, no death-rays or lasers. It was depressing for him... he didn't like to imagine what it must be like for her.

It wouldn't be so bad, maybe, if it weren't for the part he was playing. Dr. Director had ordered him to become her buddy, someone she might confide in. The Good Cop to counter her Bad Cop. The business with the Romance novels had been a ruse – the credit-card slip planted, for the purpose of creating something that she could tease him about. Make him seem more... human. Less cop. It was his own idea, and it had worked like a charm.

But he wasn't liking it.

Well, it's not just my job – it's what I AM he thought to himself, a common mantra for law-enforcement. He got moving again before he could wonder if he liked what he “was”.

By September Shego had adjusted better than Will could have hoped. She was devouring books, for one thing. They kept her mind off Kim. Kept her from wondering if she'd made the right decision. Suppose she waited for Kim to “grow up” and instead of being able to deal with a relationship with her, she off and... married Ron or some stupid thing. What then? That was the sort of thing that Caldwell's History of Architecture kept her from thinking about.

But that wasn't all. Lying in bed at night, alone, in the absolute silence save for the hum of the air-conditioning she still had troubling feelings - nagging things that would intrude on her mind. She had missed something. Something she was sure she'd wondered about before – but had forgotten to re-examine. She liked Kim – ok. She loved Kim – well... ok, yes. She was attracted to Kim – duh... No fucking kidding on that one. But what was she missing? What had she forgotten?

A week later, Will began to employ his Passive Interrogation techniques. It was the first time he'd used them, and he felt as if Dr. Director was probably testing him somehow. See if he could do it. He would show her he could... but he was growing more and more uneasy about it.

“Lunch is served – Salisbury steak day. Brought one for myself again – if that's okay. And unsweetened iced tea as usual.”

“Instant, as usual, too.”

“All they had. I'm working on getting you a coffee pot. Forms to fill out, y'know. Anyway, here's your latest shipment from the Middleton Library. They're starting to look at me funny up there. Oh, and they didn't have Selections from the Writings of John Ruskin, but I ordered it for ya.”

“Why don't they just let me go to the cafeteria? Under escort, if it's such a big deal...”

“To keep you away from the other prisoners. Keep you out of trouble.”

“You know I can handle myself...”

“That's just it. And probably destroy half the building in the process. There's no way to 'disarm' you, is the problem. You're rather a special case. And speaking of special cases, I've been asked to inform you that certain agencies and countries have been informed of your 'capture', as it were. Apparently you wanted it to be a secret...” Will watched Shego closely for any reaction.

“Yeah. So... inform me, then.”

“Well, Interpol had to know – to take you off the watch-list.”

“No sweat” Shego said.

“The NSA... They were kind of pissed because it cut their budget. Seems they were working on a way to neutralize your plasma-power.”

“Bastards.”

“And I don't know who you pissed off in Spain...”

“That'd be the Guardia Civil. No sense of humor at all in those people. Doy!”

Good, Shego was relaxed; thinking that he had come to the end of his list – because Will wanted it to sound that way. It was test time -

“And I'll be contacting Team Possible tomorrow morning. So other than them, you-”

“Team Possible?! Who... oh, shit... Shit!” Shego said anxiously.

Bingo Will thought, “Well of course Team Possible. You and Drakken were the biggest part of their job. It's only right that-”

“You... YOU'LL be calling them? Tomorrow?”

“That's right. Anything you want me to say on your behalf?” Will asked, trying to sound innocent. Shego's reaction was not only obvious, but mysterious. He couldn't quite make out the nature of the woman's anxiety... She wasn't embarrassed, she wasn't angry... Why did Shego want to keep her whereabouts a secret from Team Possible? The Director had been right – there was some kind of connection.

Now he just had to find out what it was.

“... on my behalf? No! I mean... yes. I mean no! Goddammit Will...”

Will waited. He'd expected a subtle reaction – an eye blink, a furrowed brow – nothing like this. Shego had actually lost her cool! Curiouser and curiouser. He began unpacking their meals to make it appear less obvious that he was waiting for her to say more.

Shego caught her breath and tried to think.

He was going to tell Kim that she was in jail. At the GJ compound too, probably. Exactly what she didn't want to happen. Or did she? No, she didn't. That was part of the reason she'd given herself up in the first place – to drop out of Kim's life for at least a few years, give her a chance to think things through. And grow up a little bit. If Kim were to find out now... Even under the best of circumstances, what the hell could she and Kim do while Shego was in jail? Weekend visits? Sorry, that would be... too weird.

If only there was some way she could keep the Secret Agent Man from making that call. Like, oh, don't bother, I already did that or something. Make it sound too trivial to bother with. Well, it was a little late to try and sound casual about it... he'd hit her with that out of the blue, almost as if... as if...

“You son-of-a-bitch, Will... You did that on purpose.”

“I did.” No use pretending at this point. The best way to keep on her good side now was to act concerned on her behalf, but still the dutiful cop. That was the show he needed to put on now. It wasn't hard.

Because it wasn't just a show.

“Shego, I need to know why you gave yourself up. Everything you do and say is suspicious, you know. We all know you can escape any time you want. We need to know why you don't.”

“I was actually beginning to like you, too...”

“As you can probably guess, that was the plan. But look – Shego: it hasn't all been an act, okay? I can't say I really liked you as a criminal – but at least I respected you. You had flair... ingenuity, resourcefulness... even 'style'. I always looked forward to getting one of your cases. In some ways, you've taught me a lot about being a cop... I'm considered something of a square around here, it might amuse you to know. And there was always that line you wouldn't cross, no matter what. You never killed anybody, even when it would have been the obvious thing to do. I was beginning to like you too, to tell the truth. Which is completely contrary to all the rules, experience, even common sense! But we – me, the Director, all of us – need to know why you're here! And apparently it has something to do with Team Possible. So you can tell me now or we can keep playing our games until it becomes obvious or you end it. Your call.”

“Fuck you.”

“Shego... All right. Have it your way. I'll call Kim tomorrow morning and see what she has to say.”

“NO!” Shego shouted, instinctively taking on a defensive posture and lighting up, “No, you will NOT do that!”

“What are you going to do, Shego? Kill me?”

“I... I could just knock you out. Keep you here...”

“And you'd get away with it for maybe a day, before they come looking for me” he countered.

“I'll take you with me. Out of here...”

“And yet, you've been staying her of your own accord, at least so far. C'mon, Shego. Just tell me why. If you're not up to something nefarious, why hide it? On the other hand, if you are – which is what everyone thinks – at least we'll know. Now what's going on...”

Shit! Shego thought again, He's covered all the damn bases. Goddamn cops. Goddamn Secret Agent Man. Fuck.

“I have as long as it takes, Shego. Shall I come back later? Say in a couple of hours?”

“Suppose I just don't say anything” Shego said.

“Like I said – your call. Everyone will just keep suspecting. No change.”

“Yeah? Including you?”

Will hadn't expected her to single him out like that. Did she care what he thought? Did she “like” him? Did she trust him? Or... was she playing the same game with him that he had been with her... Now it was his call: be honest with her – as she appeared to want him to – or play the game. If she was just playing, he'd look like a fool. If she wasn't, then he'd have proved himself to be a cynic. I'll chance on being the fool, he thought to himself, I always do. I hate cynics.

“Actually, no, not me. I think you're up to something, yes... but somehow, I just think you've turned a corner, or discovered something... I have no idea what. And I have no rational basis for thinking what I do. It's probably naive of me – I'm sort of known for that. But so be it. I do like you, and I think you'll be honest with me.”

Shego studied him carefully, “And everything I tell you will go straight into your daily report, won't it...”

“Weekly rep- dammit.”

Shego smiled.

Will glared back at her in mock anger, “You're good...”

“You're not so bad yerself.. All right. Fine. I'll spill my guts over Salisbury steak. But you gotta promise me something.”

“I'm in no position to promise-”

“It's personal, okay? You gotta promise me that you'll at least THINK about not putting absolutely everything into your damn report.”

“Oh. Well... I suppose I can promise that I'll think about it.”

“Swell,” Shego paused to consider how to start. Truthfully, it would be kind of a relief to finally tell someone - “I'm here because I'm hoping to – someday – marry Kim Possible and live happily ever after in lesbian bliss.”

Will blinked. Then he started to say something, then he thought better of it, and blinked again. Several times.

“I've been married to her before. For eleven years. But... that was – well, under different circumstances. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, you might say. But we both remember it. I'm-a want to do it again.”

“Uh...”

“It all started back when-”

“Shego?”

“You're stopping me, Will?”

“Do you like gin and tonic? I... think I need a drink. Perhaps a few.”

“Scotch.”

“Jack Daniel's is the best I can do...”

“I'll wait. Bring ice.”

“Gotcha. Be right back” he said, and opened the HLS door. Before he went through, he looked back at her and said, sounding out each syllable as if it were a foreign language, “...lesbian bliss...”

“Yeah. Cool, huh?”

Will left, closing the door behind him.

Dr. Drakken sighed. Damn it all, he missed having Shego around to taunt him. Still, it was probably better this way. No doubt she wouldn't approve – at all – of what he was going to try to do. Not that she ever did anyway... but this – this was going to be different. He'd given up wondering why she'd just quit like that – but hell, even mad scientists can use a bit of serendipity, now and again.

There wasn't any stealing to be done anyway; he could buy what he needed for this. Most of it he had on hand already. The hard part was going to be getting his equipment covertly down the Avery Island salt-mine and near the New Madrid fault. After that, it would be easy... and no doubt the press would already be there waiting when he needed them. They always followed Kim Possible around like paparazzi. Usually, that made him angry, but this time he would count on it. Once they find out Kim was in trouble, the news coverage would probably be around the clock, on every channel.

Excellent.

He went back to work on his miniaturized Transporter Loop, thinking They WILL know my genius! Finally!

Apparently Ron had been right – it didn't show. No one seemed to notice anything “wrong” with Kim. What a relief that was! It still felt funny, though, carrying her secret around. It was worst in the locker-room with the other cheerleaders. Kim was beginning to “notice” the other girls, and she noticed that she was “noticing” them. She hoped no one... noticed. It was more than a little awkward.

Home life wasn't so bad, since the subject never came up. Of course, she knew that reason it never came up was because everyone – her parents, her little brothers – just assumed that she was “normal”. And she also knew that someday she'd probably have to tell them otherwise. Probably.

Neither of those issues were Kim's biggest problem, though. Her biggest problem was Where the HELL is Shego!? She hadn't seen her since that day at the stadium. When she'd said some nasty things to her... She felt bad about that – she'd only said them because, well dammit, she'd never had time to THINK! If Shego could have waited... a week or two... or a day... or even a few damn HOURS, everything might have been different. Would have been different. She was sure of that. C'mon Doc... you know I didn't mean it. You just... caught me by surprise, is all. Where ARE you?

“So Kim,” Bonnie said to her in the locker room after practice, wearing only her bra and panties, “I think the touchdown routine needs more work. And the spacing is too close – we keep bumping into each other. Wanna straighten that out tomorrow?”

Don't look at her breasts! “Oh... uh... yeah,” Kim said, self-consciously looking down - Don't look at her legs! - “That'd be good. We'll work on that tomorrow...” Ohmygod, don't look at her panties!

“You okay, Kim? Something wrong?”

“Fine! Uhm... nothing wrong. Got a... lot on my mind, is all.”

“Whatever” Bonnie said, relieved. She was glad she didn't have to act comforting or anything.

It was getting worse for Kim every day, trying to “act straight”. She glanced over at Tara three lockers down, to see what she was doing. She was talking to Monique, who was getting dressed in front of her. Kim watched Tara's eyes, seeing if, when, and where she might look. Tara just kept looking at Monique's face though, even making a comment about the black girl's hair. Kim had been watching Tara for awhile now, trying to “see how it was done”. Twice, however, she had watched the blond's eyes linger on Monique's butt when she'd turned around. Once, Tara had almost caught Kim watching her watching Monique. But Kim had averted her eyes at the last second. That would have been awkward!

Kim was usually the last one out of the locker-room, and today was no exception. Little did she know that Tara had been waiting for the other girls to leave.

“Hey, Kim – have you heard about that new Texas Chainsaw movie? With Jordana Brewster in it?”

“Yeah. I've seen the ads on tv... looks like it'd be pretty cool.”

“I know! It's weird, but I just love Texas Chainsaw movies. Jordana being in it is kind of a plus too...”

Tara had rehearsed what she was going to say at this moment for three days. You had to be careful when you didn't know the orientation of the girl you were interested in. It was like dancing with words. The comment about the actress was actually an opening, a place Kim could say something like oh, yeah, she's hot all right, or I guess... if you like girls and they'd at least both know where they stood. If she saw the opening. Sometimes straight girls were so dumb about those things though...

“Uh-huh. I'll probably wait till it comes out on DVD. Movies cost a fortune. And you can't stop them, or watch the commentaries... I'm wondering how much longer movies will even be around – who wants to watch 'em that way anymore?”

Tara wasn't really prepared to discuss the ups and downs of the entertainment industry, but Kim's lead-in gave her an idea - “Uh... yeah. So... my Mom said she'd pay for me and a friend to go this Friday. Get me outta her hair” Not a bad save, for an ad-lib. If Kim was interested, she was sure being an idiot about it... Now it was time for the Major Question - “Wanna go with me?”

“Uh...” Kim was stunned. She knew that Tara was a lesbian, but did Tara know that she knew? Was Tara asking her on a date? Did Tara think that KIM was a lesbian? Was that even a fair question? What if Tara really did just “love Texas Chainsaw movies”, and was looking for someone to go with her? Or - GAWD this was complicated!

For Tara, the “Uh...” was a signal. She had a plan for “yes”, another plan for “no”, and lastly, “Other” - that would include uh.

“It's okay if you'd rather not go with me. Everyone knows I'm gay. You knew that, right? I mean... I don't wanna embarrass you or anything...”

“No! No... that's not... I mean, yeah, I knew that. Uh...” Now what? Was it a “date” or not? Nothing Tara had said hinted one way or the other! What was Kim supposed to do now? Christ... SO the drama! Well, there was always one way to settle it, and in her confusion, Kim decided to take it:

“Tara... are you asking me out?”

That was a question for which Tara had a planned response: “Well... if you want me to. Uhm... would you be interested?”

Ball to Kim. She didn't want to hurt Tara's feelings – truthfully, she'd like to out herself with the girl. Be able to talk to her openly about it. Get some pointers. Putting up the act was really wearing on her, day after day, class after class. Alone. Hiding something. Kim wasn't suited for hiding things. But she couldn't... quite... do it...

“Actually... I'm kind of involved with someone... I think.” Dammit! “I think”? What's she supposed to think about THAT?!

That was the end-signal for Tara. Either Kim was lesbian, and just not interested in her, or she really was already seeing someone – boy or girl, didn't matter. Whatever the case, Kim's answer was “no”. Bailout.

“Okay, well... I was just wondering is all. No big. So see ya tomorrow!”

While Kim may not have been quite on the ball at the beginning of this conversation, she could tell a drop-kick when it happened. And she didn't want it to end like this. Tara deserved better, if nothing else. And now she was almost out the door.

“Tara! Wait. Wait a sec... I'm sorry... you kind of caught me off-guard. Can... can we talk for a minute?”

Off the script now, the Tara didn't know what to think.

“Talk... about what?”

“Uhm, I dunno. Stuff. Uhm...” Kim stalled, trying to decide whether she should – or could – go through with this.

“I'll be honest, Kim. I thought I saw you looking at me lately. So... I guess I thought maybe you were interested. Sorry if I read it wrong, but, y'know... Anyway, it was probably just my imagination. Wishful thinking, I guess.”

That was so sweet of her. Apologizing for a mistake that wasn't a mistake, and throwing in a compliment besides. Tara was really quite - oh, to hell with it:

“You weren't wrong. I have been watching you. I've been watching how you... act... around the other girls. Because... well... I've been feeling SO awkward...”

“Awkward?”

“Well... Like I said, I'm sort of seeing someone... and, uh... she's a girl...”

“She is?” Tara asked, and quickly checked herself, “Uh, gawd, that was stupid, sorry. So...”

“... Yeah...”

“You're...”

“Tara, it's... I'm in the closet, okay? Yeah, I'm gay. Apparently. But like... it's kind of a recent thing. I'm not... used to it yet. So I've sort of been watching you for clues, y'know? I just feel all... y'know... self-conscious all the time. You seem like you're... like it's easy, somehow. I mean, I didn't even know you were a lesbian until last week. Ron told me. Hope that was okay... I just feel like... I mean... can you give me some idea how to act so that no one... figures it out?”

Now Tara was stunned. “Wow.”

“I know, I'm still-”

“You are new. Gyah.”

“Uh... Huh?”

“Kim, no offense but... it's kinna rude for someone in the closet to ask someone who's not for advice about how to hide better, y'know? Especially when the innie has a girlfriend, and the outie doesn't.”

“Oh. Oh gawd... that does sound bad, doesn't it... Look, Tara, I'm really sorry, okay? I didn't mean... well, I did, but... This is really hard for me. It's just, y'know, I don't know anyone I can talk to or anything...”

Tara smiled faintly at her, “Well... actually, I'm only 'out' accidentally. I didn't really... intend to tell anyone either.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I was playing cards with some friends once – boys and girls. I kept losing... I was getting kinna pissed, y'know? So anyway, I forget how it happened, but some of them started joking about me being bi. Just trying to pull my chain. An' I said 'I'm NOT bi! I'm gay!' So... I kinna outed myself without meaning to.”

“Wow...”

“Yeah. I bet my face was red for awhile... Look, I'll give ya a break since yer new an' all. But you owe me. All right Kim, the bestest way to hide being lesbian is to have a boyfriend. Doesn't matter what else you do then – you can be as 'out' as you want with your g.f. – as long as everyone knows you have a boyfriend, you're in the clear. Pretty girls are supposed to have boyfriends – at least one. If they don't – bam! - she must be a lesbian. Just how it is.”

“Really?” Kim had never thought that way, and so was of course surprised that 'everyone' else did. “But, lots of girls don't... uh... don't they?”

“Like who? Name me one cheerleader you think doesn't have a boyfriend. Besides me, I mean.”

“Well...” Kim paused. Keeping track of who was seeing who wasn't really her thing, what with grades, cheerleading, and saving the world. But thinking about it, she did know one girl who never seemed to be in the company of a boy - “What about Bonnie?”

Tara only looked at Kim knowingly, and didn't say anything.

Eventually Kim caught on, “You're kidding me!”

“Hey, who knows? Seems likely though, doesn't it...”

“Have you... I mean, you're looking for a girlfriend right? Haven't you ever hit on her?”

The blond's eyes screwed up as she tried to control herself - “Kim... I may be gay... but I'm not INSANE!”

They were both giggling uncontrollably as they left the locker-room.

Four days later – another full moon. Kim awoke drenched with sweat, her heart pounding loudly in her ears. Her bed was a wreck, and the pillow was on the other side of the room. Kim had never had a “wet” dream before – as far as she could remember – but this one was absolutely crystal-clear in her mind. She'd been having - sex, if one wanted to call it that – with Shego. In a truck. Under a cloud of bugs. It had been -

Tender? No way.

Erotic? Not really.

Sweet? Yeah, about like it was “tender”.

Desperate.

It had been nothing but desperate. They hadn't even said one word to each other the whole time. Kim had simply taken her fill of Shego until – she guessed – she'd passed out. As far as what Shego might have done to her – well, she could only imagine. And consider the evidence. She reflexively rubbed the inside of her thigh, one of the many places where she remembered being bitten hard. Hard enough to draw blood.

She remembered the taste of Shego's blood, too.

Oh... my... god... what the hell was THAT all about? Oh my GOD!...

If any of the dreams felt like they “weren't her”, it had to be this one. That couldn't have been her! Shego – well... maybe. But not her, not Kim! She wasn't like that! She wouldn't... DO... things like that! She would never... feel like that...

What, never feel fear? Terror, even? Never take comfort from physical closeness under such conditions? Never distract herself with flesh when she felt like the world might be coming to an end? Are those things she'd never do?

“Kimmie! Breakfast!” she heard Jim – one of her little twin brothers – shout from the bottom of the stairs. That was his version of “go and get your sister”, no doubt.

Bleary-eyed and still shell-shocked, Kim got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom out of habit. Her father met her in the hall on the way.

“Good morn... ing... Kimmie. Uh... see you at breakfast” he said, hurrying past her.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she understood why. Her pajama top was ripped open, and torn in other places as well. As for the bottoms, they were ripped too, as if someone had grabbed them by the crotch and pulled them every which way, ripping the fabric open but leaving the elastic waistband unmolested.

No wonder her Dad seemed flustered. Gah. I hope I didn't... SAY anything in my sleep...

Shego's dream that month occurred to her as she was reading the dust-jacket of Lord Kenneth Clarke's Civilization. Kenneth's crooked teeth but honest smile made her think of her father, and that's when it hit her. She remembered the time she'd fondled Kim and it had reminded her of her father, and more importantly, how Kim had opened her eyes about that whole episode of her life. The episode that was ending... now.

She didn't need to think about it long.

She picked up the phone and dialed her brother Henry, or “Hego” as he now called himself. They talked for an hour. She even said hello to her other brothers – but mostly, she just talked to Hego. She didn't say why she'd changed her mind about... things. What had happened between her and her Dad was between them only – and he was dead. That would be a different bridge to cross, and Hego didn't need to know about it. But at least Henry was alive, so maybe something could be saved there. She hoped so.

When she was through, she thought of her father, of herself, and of her life. If her father had been stupid about it, she had been too, in her own way. Just like he'd been in his way. And so eleven years after the time she'd decided never to forgive him, she finally did.

But he was dead and buried... for nine years now. Such a waste. Nothing to do about it now. Those two thoughts occupied her mind until Will came in at 5 p.m. with her dinner.

Which brought her other problems to the fore in her mind.

“So...” she began, as Will was packing up the books for return to the library, “How'd Betty take the news?” After she'd spilled her guts about Kim and the Other World, she just knew he'd run off and tell her. After all – that was his duty. And Will was nothing if not dutiful.

“Uhm... I haven't told her yet.”

“What? Juicy stuff like that and you haven't told her? Isn't that the main reason you're here in the first place?”

Will took awhile to answer. “Yeah. It is. But – ya gotta admit, Shego... it's a pretty fantastic story. I mean... it could be an elaborate lie.”

“Is that what you think?”

He sighed, “No, it isn't. But she might. I can just see me telling her that you and Kim Possible were lovers in another existence. You ever hear Dr. Director laugh? At you? I have... It's not pleasant.”

“So go interrogate Kim, then. Why am I telling you how to do your job?”

“Look, Shego. If it's true – and I just think it is – then it doesn't matter. You won't be trying to escape. There's nothing 'up'. Nothing is going to happen, except that you want to wait for her to grow up a little. Really... it's... it's sorta none of our business...”

“Doy.”

“It is and it isn't, okay? Besides, my report isn't due until Friday. Obviously I'll have to tell her. I'm just wondering how. But moving on, if I may – yesterday was the full moon. Did you get another memory?”

Now Shego waited before answering. What she'd remembered had nothing to do with anything that was of concern to him. He'd know she got something, of course. She could lie about it – make up something... No. No, she wouldn't do that. For one thing, that part of her life was over, as of this afternoon. For another – she just didn't feel like going to the trouble. One had to remember what one lied about. Forever. Really, it was a huge hassle, and hardly ever worth it. Besides, Will was such a boy-scout. It would be like lying to a nun.

“Yeah, I did. But it has nothing to do with Kim, or anything else. It was personal, okay? I'm not going to tell you about it.”

“Okay” Will replied off-handedly. He had enough information. He'd take her word that it wasn't important.

“I'm serious Will. Don't even start with the psychology crap.”

“Okay, Shego. It's not like I don't already have more than I need.”

He hiked the back-pack of books onto his shoulders, and went into the bathroom to get the day's trash. A domestic chore that he'd fallen into out of habit, since he had to pass right by the garbage chute anyway.

“Stop it. It ain't gonna work.”

“Oh for God's sake... I'll take your word for it, all right?”

He can't be THAT good at the reverse-psychology thing... Shego thought. Then she realized, for some reason, she wanted him to know. No! What business is it of his anyway? It just makes me feel stupid, too. He has no NEED to know, either. I mean, what's he gonna do? Take me to the grave to -

The one thing Shego could do was to talk to her father's grave. The only thing.

Will was opening the door to leave when Shego said, “Will? Could... could you sit down for a minute? I wanna tell you a story. And then... maybe ask you for a favor...”

Will thought about it on his drive home from the compound. Take Shego to visit her father's grave? A Most Wanted Criminal? In Special Holding Circumstances? A prisoner with Extraordinary Abilities? Each one of those titles would require an extra ream of paperwork. In triplicate.

By the time he got home, he'd decided to go through with it anyway, and started pulling up forms on his computer, saving them, and printing them out. There were a total of thirty-nine signatures he was going to need. Not to mention over-time authorization for the contingent of armed guards that would have to accompany them. Good thing Shego didn't expect to go today – a Federal holiday – because none of these people would be around anyway. Hell, on this one night, he could probably just walk out the door with her and-

He put his pen down and stared off into space.

One-hundred and fifty crunches, seventy-five push-ups, fifty leg-lifts, an hour of Extreme Yoga, and Shego was cooling off with Tai Chi. Naked Tai Chi. Her concentration on herself was so intense that she didn't even hear the door open when Will came in just after midnight.

“Oh! Jees!” he said, quietly, turning his back on her, “Fer cryin' out loud. Uh... sorry.”

She didn't hear him. She was concentrating on a slow right turn, feeling the air around her, feeling without seeing the room she was in, her environment, her space. Something big and black was in her space...

“Will? What are you- How long have you- Why the wet-suit?”

“It's not a 'wet-suit', Shego. Could you get dressed now, please? In this?” he threw another all-black suit – just like his own – over his shoulder.

Why Will... I DO believe my little Secret Agent Man is a tad flustered! Shego smiled to herself. This was the most fun she'd had in a long time. She realized now how much she missed it.

Shego casually walked up to him, standing beside him, constantly watching his eyes.

“Jesus, Shego...”

Now she stood directly in front of him, just to see him sweat. “Whatcha doin' here, Secret Agent Man? Hmmm?”

“TRYING to be a gentleman, Shego, if you please. And also, I'm going to risk my career, possibly break a few laws, and a violate whole shit-load of rules to take you to your father. Now will you PLEASE put the night-suit on?”

“You? Break rules?”

“Tell me about it. Shego... this is... asinine. Now either put on the suit or... is there any of that Jack Daniel's left?”

Agent First Class Du was going to sneak her out of the GJ compound? Was this some kind of trick? Because if it was – it was sure a mean one. Would Will do that?

On the other hand, would he really violate his whole manual of cherished rules and regulations? For her sake?

The old Shego wouldn't have fallen for it. But, the old Shego was gone. The Shego standing naked in front of Will would – like Will himself – rather trust and be wrong, than doubt and be right. She slipped behind him and put on the suit.

“Okay. All decent.”

Will turned slowly around - she'd probably be standing there naked and grinning evilly at him. That'd be just like Shego...

“Ta-daaaa” she said, fully dressed in the black jumpsuit, and curtsying. Will relaxed visibly.

“Good. Good... Now, uh, listen, Shego: no funny stuff. No joking around. My ass is on the line here, okay? Follow me, do what I do, and for god's sake, keep quiet! We have a window of about 4 hours. Oh, and if we do get caught, I do the talking. You stand there – no plasma – and keep your mouth shut. Comprende?”

“Este de pie ahi mismo y guarde mi boca cerrada. Verdad?”

“Uh... yeah. Good. Let's go.”

“Hold on a second there, senor. Just which one of us do you think has done the most sneaking around in so-called 'secured areas'?”

She had a point. Shego was the Thief, after all, but - “I know the layout, the rotation of the guards... the combinations to the doors...”

“Fair enough. You point the way – and you do what I do. How's that sound?”

“Uhm... Fine, fine. Let's just go.”

She was good, no doubt about that. Peering around corners at anything but eye-level, and keeping her hair out of the way as she did so. Nothing left to chance, and no move made without scouting appropriate escape routes or hiding places ahead of time. It was... amazing.

He wasn't so bad either, she noticed. A little green, maybe – she saw him checking out the walls and ceiling – most people never think to look up – but never the floor. You could tell a lot from a floor. Which doorways were used a lot, where the most traffic had been – even where the broom closet was, by the wheel-tracks the mop-bucket left behind. Still, not bad for a boy-scout. He'd have made a good side-kick, maybe.

Then, to her dismay, Shego came up against the immovable obstacle – a chain-link gate separating the HLS wing from the regular cell block. Well, a problem, but not much. A little plasma in the right place and -

She felt someone tapping her shoulder. Will was standing there holding his magnetic I.D. card and giving her a look that said “what do you think you're doing?” She rolled her eyes and stood aside as he slid his card through the reader, unlocking the gate, then he gave her a curiously Shego-like smirk as he went through.

This went on through two more gates, three sets of electric doors, and finally, the gate to the parking lot. That combination, she noticed as Will punched it in, was 1-2-3-4. Global Justice, she thought, pshaw...

“Pretty good for a cop an' all...” Shego commented from the passenger side of Will's car – an Aston-Martin convertible, of all things. “You're really into all this 007 stuff, aren't cha...”

“Since I was a kid. Now hush, and put this sweater on. Walking around in all-black leotards, people will think we're mimes.”

“Good idea. Now they'll think we're cold mimes.”

“I was in a hurry, okay?”

“You da man, senor.”

“I'll be adding 'speaks Spanish' to your dossier.”

It was half an hour to the cemetery, and Will was half-expecting her to make a break for it at any time. Instead, she just rode silently, occasionally swallowing audibly, apparently becoming more and more anxious the closer they got. The next words she said were:

“Take the Oak street entrance.”

And then;

“Park under that twin tree there.”

He did, but she remained sitting in the car, looking to her right.

“Uhm... are you getting out, Shego?”

After a long silence, she finally said, “This was stupid. He's dead. What's he gonna say? Nothing...”

Will remained silent, discretely checking his watch. They had just under an hour to spend there. Preferably less. If Shego didn't go out there and... do whatever she was going to do, they'd have to leave: mission unaccomplished. When she'd asked him for the favor, she sure sounded earnest enough...

“You think the dead hear us, Will?” she said, derailing his anxious train of thought.

“Um... I don't know, Shego-”

“I didn't ask you what you know – I asked what you thought.”

He sighed. He didn't know what he “thought” about that question. Really, what did it matter? No one knew – until they died – and then everyone would.

“I think it's good to talk to them sometimes.”

“So you think they hear...” she said, still gazing out the rolled-up window into the dark.

“I think... Shego, I think there are things we can't understand. Not 'aren't meant' to, or 'don't want' to. Can't. And if they do hear, I'm sure I couldn't understand how. But that doesn't mean that they don't.”

“Let's just go back. I'm sorry about all this...”

“Get out there, Shego.”

“Will -”

“Get out there and just say 'hi' or something. Or just stand there. I'll wait here. Now go.”

She turned to towards him, his face ghostly in the amber glow of the dashboard lights, “Aren't you afraid I'll run off?”

“No. Seems to me – unless everything's been a lie – that you have pretty good reasons not to. So get out.”

She sighed, and turned back away from him toward the window. She bit her lip. She got out.

Four stones down the row, she remembered. Gray granite, low-profile stone. “Johan Sebastian Van Gogh”. There. There it was. She was there. Somewhere down in the ground, whatever was left of her father “rested”.

Rested? Bah! It's just a body. Whatever was in it is long gone. She was looking at a spot of ground with the remains of a long dead body under it somewhere. That was all. This was stupid. She was stupid.

She read the dates and calculated his age. He'd been forty-one at the time. The same age as Shego had been her last few months in the Other World.

Wow. That wasn't so old... way too young to be dying. That had never occurred to her before. The damn comet... She held her hand to her face and ignited the plasma the comet had given her. The pretty green light washed over her face. Beautiful. Handy, too – especially for a Thief. A Villain. Handy for destroying things, like the comet had destroyed her father. If only...

Yeah yeah yeah, “if only” a lot of things. Like, “if only” I hadn't loved you so much, Dad, it wouldn't have hurt when you started to ignore me like you did. Or “if only” you'd had a little more guts, and talked to me. “If only” I'd been smart enough to figure it out like Kim did, and talk to YOU...

“If only”.

So whaddaya think now, Pop? Huh? Your only daughter, in jail. Most Dangerous Woman Alive – would ya be proud of that? Would you care? Would you even call up to congratulate me on giving myself up? Would you bring me a rum-cake?

What would you-

A breeze picked up, blowing her hair into her face, bringing Shego back to the here and now.

She sighed. Goddamn it Dad. What'd ya hafta die for?

... Hey, remember how you used to put the worm on my hook and I'd turn my head and go “ewwwww!” the whole time? Poor worms. I mean, they're icky and disgusting an' all – but they didn't deserve to be-

Shego sat down cross legged on the grass and “talked”.

She was still there half an hour later when she felt Will's – not “someone's”, but Will's, she knew – hand on her shoulder.

“We gotta get back, Shego.”

“Yeah. Yeah okay. In a minute?”

“Sure” he said, and went back to the car.

They sneaked back in as easily as they'd sneaked out, but Will in the lead this time. Shego followed behind, too lost in ennui to do more than mimic Will's actions.

When they got back into her apartment Will plopped down on the couch, mentally exhausted from anxiety. He'd done it. He'd broken every rule in the book – and he got away with it. No one would know. Safe and sound. Ye Gods...

“Here's your JD, Secret Agent Man. You earned it.” She handed him a tumbler of whiskey, “Sorry – no ice.”

He took a large mouthful and swallowed it, forcing it past his spasming throat.

When he'd caught his breath, he said, “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. I'm a hard woman. Nothing gets to me.” She smiled at him, just enough to show him that she was being sarcastic.

“Good. Well, I'm gonna finish this off an get goin' then, before someone wonders why I'm here at four o'clock in the morning...”

“Hey Will? Thanks. Y'know... I don't think I've ever really had a friend before.”

He stopped with his hand on the door. “... Know whatcha mean...”

“I owe ya, Secret Agent Man.”

He thought about that as he opened the door.

“No... no, I think that's the point, Shego. You don't.”

Chapter Text

Well, this was going to be awkward...

Kim and Ron were walking home from school as usual. But Kim had an unusual question this time – she needed the cover of a boyfriend, and she was going to ask Ron to be that cover. So weird. From wondering “are we a couple” to “can we pretend to be a couple?” in a month. Thing was, Kim needed it. She's been hanging out with Tara a lot lately, people were bound to suspect. But she couldn't very well just drop Tara – even though she would no doubt understand – because she was Kim's only buddy. The only girl she could talk to comfortably about things. With everyone else she had to watch what she said, and how she said it. True, she was comfortable around Ron too... but wouldn't be if the conversation happened to turn to “who's the hottest Charlie's Angel”. Around Tara she could giggle about it. Around Ron she'd blush.

“... and it turns out, it's the pineapple enzyme that sort of pre-digests some of the ligaments in the meat, and makes it tender! But canned pineapple juice won't work, y'see, 'cause the enzyme has been destroyed by the canning process-”

“Uh... Ron?”

“- which is why you can't make Jello with fresh pineapple-”

“Ron?”

“-juice. Uh, yeah, KP?”

“That's real interesting an' all... but, I... uh, I have kind of a personal favor to ask you.”

“Consider it done! I'm yer man! 'Do it to it', is my-”

“I need you to pretend like you're my boyfriend.” There, she's said it. And all at one time, too.

“Uh... pretend to be... oh. I get it. 'Cuz you can't possibly be a lesbian and have a boyfriend, right?”

“Something like that.”

He thought it over for a moment. It didn't... feel right. “So... exactly how do I 'pretend to be your boyfriend'?”

“Oh, I dunno, Ron... Just... y'know... come up and talk to me... uhm... maybe kiss me on the cheek sometimes...”

“Well, I would, Kim, but you're usually talking with Tara lately, and-”

“That's just it. I AM spending a lot of time with Tara. It's not... we're not girlfriends or anything... Well, I mean we are, but... Look. I know you have this thing about lying. I know you'd rather not do this. I know it'll be hard for you, okay? Please, Ron. I'd just die if people started... saying things about me, y'know?”

All that was true. Ron did have a “thing” about lying. Part of it was his upbringing, part of it was his personality, and part of it was prior experience. Lies tended to come back and bite you. If you wanted to avoid that, you usually had to lie more. To his father, for instance... Yeah, Dad, I'm planning on studying Actuarial Science in college... Maybe I can work at the same insurance company you do, ya think? The day he went off to cooking school in New York was going to be... bad. It was a vicious cycle. The only way out was not to start.

What Kim didn't say was how hard it was for her to ask. She hadn't ever really needed to lie like this before, and it was bringing up... feelings. Guilty feelings. Somehow, she felt like she knew what it was like to keep up a lie like this. To make people think something about you was true when it wasn't. At all. Being “in the closet” was a little like that. But what she was asking him to do almost made her feel ill.

“Kim... I dunno... I mean, how long is it going to go on? The whole year? Longer? And what about Shego – how's she gonna feel about me 'pretending'? This isn't a good idea, KP.”

She stopped walking and faced him, “Ron – I know. I know I'm being stupid about the whole thing, okay? Even I know that I can't live like this forever. But... dammit Ron... When I think of – the whole idea of – it getting out...”

“There's nothing for you to be ashamed of, Kim! It's just-”

“Don't go there! Just... don't, Ron. Stop telling me how things ought to be, okay? That's not how they are, and I know it. I've heard the way you guys talk about Tara sometimes... I never really listened before. Even some of the girls. Are you gonna do this for me or not?”

“You've never heard me talking about-”

“You know what I meant.”

Ron sighed. Yes, he did know what she meant – he'd heard the guys talk too. And while he thought they were incredibly stupid – he never said anything about it. See how keeping quiet comes back to get ya? In ways you NEVER expect, too. Oh, he'd do it, though. Of course. He just hoped Kim got her act together before things got any deeper. They always got deeper...

“Yeah, KP, I'll do it. I'll play along – unless some asks me a direct question, 'kay? But - and it's hard for me to say this – I'm worried about you, Kim. You're not doing this right.”

“Good” she said, and turned to walk again, “Now hold my hand.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Ronnie-kins.”

“Geez KP...” He held her hand as they walked. It felt... odd. He didn't like it. To change the conversation to something he hoped would be less tense, he added, “So, heard anything from Shego?”

“Nothing. Not a word. I don't suppose you-”

“Nuh-uh. She must be on vacation still” he answered.

“I dunno... I wish she'd... call or something. I kind of... we parted on bad terms, ya might say, last time I saw her.”

“When was that?”

“Uhm... at the cheer practice. The time I told you about.”

“Uh... oh! When you... oh. Bad terms?”

“I wasn't ready, all right? I said some things I didn't mean. I just hope she realizes that. I wish I could tell her...”

“Wow.”

“Would you stop saying that? Gyah!”

“Shego... I'm gonna have to talk to Kim today. To corroborate your story. I won't tell her anything about you, though...” Will said cautiously while preparing to leave her “cell”.

“Gonna use more of that 'Passive Interrogation' stuff?”

“Yeah. I'm going to tell her I'm trying to find you, ask her if she's heard or knows anything about where you might be. Any idea what she might say?”

“The last time she saw me... well, she was pretty mad at me. I don't know if she'll tell you about that, though. We... kinda... I mean, I...” she hesitated. She hadn't told Will about meeting Kim at the stadium that afternoon. It was kind of personal. Well... all right, what it was was humiliating. It was none of his business anyway. Stupid cop. Dumb goody-two-shoes... oh, hell- “She thought I molested her, okay? No, I didn't. I asked her if she wanted me to stop, and she said 'no', all right? She was into it. But after... I dunno... she got all weird. Yelled at me. It pretty much sucked.”

“When was that?” Will asked, policeman-like.

“Four days before I came here.”

Will tried to piece it together, and eventually reached an obvious conclusion - “Did that have anything to do with why you-”

“Yes.”

“I see.”

“Oh, y'see, do ya?” she said accusingly, “No, I don't think you do see! You know how old she is, Will? She's seventeen. Seven-fucking-teen! I was... I was thinking of her like she was thirty. That's how old she was in my dream – it was her thirtieth birthday. Doy! I suppose I'm a child-molester now. Add it to the list.”

“Uhm... under the circumstances, I don't think I heard you say that” Will said. Legally, yes... first degree rape, actually, whether Kim had been willing or not. But that was ridiculous. That was just... stupid, all things considered. Funny how there always seemed to be subtleties the Law hadn't considered. No wonder law books were so thick.

“Okay, well, I'm going then. See ya at dinner.” He headed for the door.

“Will? Uh... sorry about that. Look, I know you're not going to give me any details – being a law-man an' all, but... I'd like... uhm... I'd like to know...”

“I'll tell ya what I can, Shego.”

“Yeah. Okay. Thanks.”

“Kim! Some policeman here to see you!” Jim and Tim shouted in unison up the stairs.

Will double-checked his clothing. He wasn't wearing a badge or anything... his sidearm was well concealed... how did people always know he was a cop?

“Oh, Will! Come in. Uhm... long time no see. I kind of thought the GJ might have forgotten about me...”

“It's been rather quiet lately” Will lied – since Kim had returned from that Other World, Dr. Dementor had tried to unleash a flock of mutant poisonous pigeons in New York city, Monkey Fist had nearly taken over a missile-silo in Nebraska, and DNAmy had threatened Tokyo with something that looked like a giant flying turtle. It had been a busy four months. “We're concerned about Drakken and Shego. They seem to have dropped off the radar – wondered if you'd heard anything.”

“Oh... uh... no, I-”

“Agent Du! How are ya! You and the GJ keeping the world safe from ne'er-do-wells?” Dr. Possible – the father – said coming in from the kitchen.

“Dr. Possible. I was just asking your daughter if she'd heard anything about Drakken and Shego lately” Will greeted him. He also noted that the anxiousness of Kim's face went up a notch.

Dr. Possible looked at Kim as he turned towards the back door, “Kimmie? Didn't you say that Shego was taking a vacation?”

“Oh... yeah! Yeah. Uhm... she said that in the phone-call I had traced...”

Will picked up on that immediately - “Were there other calls?”

“No. No other calls. From Shego. Or anyone, I mean” Kim said, her nervousness almost painfully obvious. She was lying through her teeth – and she was bad at it.

“Well, all right then, Kim. If you hear anything, give Wade a shout on the Kimmunicator, will ya?” Wade – the 11 year old computer genius - served as liaison between Team Possible and the GJ proper.

“Yeah. Sure. Wade. Good old Wade...”

Will tried to keep from smiling – Kim was so cute when she was flustered. “I doubt he's called 'old' very often. Well, goodbye then, Ms. Possible. I'll see myself out.” After he'd opened the front door to leave – and given Kim a chance to relax a little – he turned around and said, oh so innocently: “Anything you might want to let her know, if we catch up to her first, Kim?”

“Oh! Uh...” I didn't mean what I said. I miss you. Where have you been? When are you going to call me again? “... well...” I love you “... I guess, maybe, you could tell her...” I DIDN'T MEAN IT! “Oh... no. Nothing I guess. Oh! But, uh, lemme know if you find her or anything, all right? Just so... we won't have to worry about... y'know, any crimes or anything.”

“An eyewitness told us he'd seen her around the football stadium once...” Will added, just to double-check.

Kim blushed intensely and looked away, “Oh... uh... Really? I'll keep an eye out for her then. Y'know, when I'm there. Uhm... for football games an' stuff. Uh, if you need any help...”

“We'll keep you in mind, Kim. Good-bye.”

“Yeah. Please. Please do. Uh... 'bye.”

If there had been any doubts in Will's mind about Shego's story, they were gone now. He almost felt sorry for Kim, putting her through all that. But, well, that was his job.

Strike that. He DID feel sorry for her, job or no job.

“She's okay, Shego. I think she's missing you... A lot” he said in lieu of a greeting when he brought her dinner.

“She – she is? She does? You sure?”

“I'm sure. Uhm... wanna tell me why you don't want her to know you're here?”

“I already did, Secret Agent Man. You weren't listening. She's seventeen. Doy.”

“And she's been saving the world since she was 16. I think-”

“Not interested in what you 'think', Will. I 'think' I know her better than you, 'kay? She has issues. She needs time to... work things out. I'm giving her that.”

“Very noble,” he offered.

“Bite me.”

“Uh-huh. You're the model of maturity, Shego.”

“Good-bye, Agent Du.”

Will made a show of tipping his non-existent hat, “Ms. Van Gogh.”

Being called into Dr. Director's office was no small thing, and as Will sweated it out in the secretary's office, he couldn't help getting a bad feeling about it. The only thing he could think of was that she wondered about his late-night card-reader entries – the ones he'd made sneaking Shego out of the compound. He didn't think anyone would notice those – people came and went at odd hours all the time. It might be odd... but surely not this odd...

“She'll see you now, Agent Du.”

He went in. The Director appeared to be studying some papers on her desk.

He nervously said, “Good morning, Dr. Director. I've brought this weeks report – I know you wanted it first thing tomorrow morning – with me so you-”

“You know, Will...” she said, straightening her papers and spinning her chair to face out the window, her back to him, “... the game of 'Good Cop / Bad Cop' can be tricky. Especially for the 'Good Cop'. One develops empathy with the subject. Sometimes even emotional attachment. It's only natural, in long-term interrogations like this one. I hope you're not becoming... attached... to Ms. Van Gogh.”

Of course he was becoming 'attached' to her. Shego was – or could be, anyway – witty, smart, even funny, in her sarcastic way. She was just cool. But he couldn't very well just say that...

“Attached in what way, Dr. Director?” he said, stalling.

“Romantically attached” she said, spinning to face him now. “Attached as 'kindred spirits', perhaps. Getting to be 'buddies'. Oh, I've seen it happen before. Your careers are intertwined – on opposite sides of the law. You both have many of the same interests, I imagine. Like the same sorts of things... Haven't you found that to be so?”

“Well... I suppose. To some extent.”

“Let's put the cards on the table. Do you like her, Will?”

After getting him all set to play word-games, now she wanted to be direct. It caught him off guard. That was sort of a specialty of The Director's. Will knew that his expression had already given him away.

“Yes.”

“More than like her?”

“She's an extraordinary woman, ma'am.”

“Yes. Yes she is. How far do you think you can take it, Agent Du?”

“Uhm...” he didn't even try to suppress his smile, “Not very. She's homosexual. AND she's already involved. With Kim Possible.” It felt good to watch her face drop into unprofessional mode, for a change.

“Gay? Shego is gay?! With Kim? Kim...”

“Yeah”.

“Oh... Oh my word...” She'd thought about that possibility, but only as a joke. Now to find out it was real... well... truth really was stranger than fiction! She fought to contain un-Director-ish giggles. It wasn't easy.

“Perhaps you'd better tell me what's in that report now...”

“Yes ma'am.”

The Director only listened with one ear as she turned to face the window again, grinning widely. Kim and Shego. Sitting in a tree... No! Stop it! Must be professional! All right, so it's out of left field. Out of the ball-park, even. Somewhere across the street. She tried to concentrate on Will's report.

K-I-S-S-I-N-G...

Her mind still wandered though.

From time to time, something would catch her attention. For example - “Did you say married?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“By who?”

“No one, ma'am.”

“So... but...” Dr. Director had to stop herself before she said 'and'. “Please carry on.” So with no one to perform the ceremony, and no one to see it, and no one to even know about it, Kim and Shego had staged a marriage for themselves. Okay. Okay... that was serious. First comes love, then comes marriage... STOP IT! She went back to grinning.

By the time Will had finished, The Director had herself back under control. Which was a good thing, as there was other business to attend to.

“So where did you take her and why, Agent Du...”

Another point to her – she'd done it again.

“To visit her father's grave. May I ask how you knew?”

“Didn't for sure. Until now. You must practice recognizing bluffs, Will. Really” she frowned at him. “What made you think she wouldn't escape? Surely you don't think you could have stopped her...”

“No, ma'am.”

“Then-”

“I don't know, ma'am.”

The Director paused. In this one case, 'I don't know' was exactly the right answer. She seldom got it, though. It was a surprise, especially coming from straight-laced Agent Du.

“You realize what would have become of your career if she had?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“I don't think you quite do, Mister Du. It wouldn't have been just Global Justice, you know. Absolutely no one would have been willing to even be associated with you! Not Brinks, not Wells-Fargo, Middleton Mall Security... absolutely no one! Consorting with known criminals is the WORST thing any law-enforcement-”

She was interrupted by the secretary poking her head in through the door.

“Phone call for you, Dr. Director.”

Mildly incensed, The Director said icily, “Can't you see I'm in a-”

“He said you'd want to take it anyway. Said his name was Mr. Mister One?”

Dr. Director looked at Will to see if he made the connection – Senor Senior, Sr. Will showed absolutely no interest or concern. Aw... fuck. He knew then.

“Thank you, Cynthia. I'll take it in here. You're excused, Agent Du.”

“Yes, ma'am.” He turned to go.

“Will? This conversation never happened. You were never here.”

“Where, ma'am?”

“And wipe that smirk off your face.”

She watched him walk out, thinking my little Will Du... all grown up... ah well, they're so cute when they're young though. After he closed the door, Dr. Director picked up the phone - “Why do you always call at the worst possible times!?”

By next week – the beginning of October, Shego was nowhere near as sure as she had been that she had made the right choice, keeping herself in seclusion from Kim. Which was worse – staying away from Kim long enough so that when they did meet again, Kim would KNOW for sure whether she wanted to pursue the relationship? Or tell Kim now, and go through living the next several years – she figured five, surely no more than ten – in jail, unable to see her except during visiting hours... It was a toss-up. Apparently Kim hadn't meant those things she'd said in the restroom at the stadium – but Shego's memory of them still stung anyway. The girl had problems. The girl needed to grow up.

And yes, Will was probably right about that 'model of maturity' crap. Shego had some thinking to do as well. She knew it. Issues with being in love. It made one vulnerable, and that was not something she knew how to deal with. Not now, not before, not ever.

Except... she had known, at one time. In that other world. She had known... something. It made her uncomfortable when she thought about that. What was it... think! What was it!?

Well, easier to think of Kim needing to grow up. That didn't make her uncomfortable. Kim at 30 in her last dream had been... what? Different? How? She couldn't put her finger on anything specific, but there had been something. What exactly was Shego expecting from Kim during this long, painful wait? What did it mean, exactly, to “grow up”? To be able to make a commitment? To compromise over disagreements? To be able to live with... mistakes? That was a sobering thought. Who was – or would be – making the mistake? What mistake? When would it be too late to avoid it, whatever it was?

And besides, how was Shego supposed to know when Kim was “grown up” enough in the first place, without ever having contact with her? There were holes in her Plan... Big, wide, gaping, holes.

Please GOD don't let me screw this up... not this. Not this...

By the next week, Will could see that something was seriously wrong with Shego.

She did nothing but read, all day, and often all night as well. Sometimes she forgot to eat her meals. She said she couldn't be bothered, and blew up at him if he tried to take her away from her precious books. His weekly trips to the library became every-other-day, and then every day. It wasn't healthy. She no longer cared what books, either – as long as they weren't fiction. No one actually sits down and reads an encyclopedia, in order, cover to cover...

Her face showed what her reading hid: anxiety - to an insane degree. There were too many things that were too painful to think about. Besides Kim, her Plan, her father, her brothers, her self... They all got mixed up in her mind, and she'd given up trying to sort things out. So she hid in books, reading facts, intent on defeating time as if it were her enemy. Facts were calming. She didn't care what the facts were about, just as long as they were there. Facts by the millions, waiting for her to devour – and then forget.

“Shego... I'm calling Kim. You need to talk to her.”

“No you ARE NOT!” she screamed at him, to his complete shock. Without waiting for him to say anything else, she lit up a hand and grabbed the phone, which promptly melted into a puddle of gray plastic. “I'm doing this my way Will! Got it?! MY fucking way!! Not yours! You don't know squat about it anyway!”

Wisely, Will decided to push that idea any further, as obvious as it was. He sat down at the table to eat, watching her go back to her couch and the pile of books on the coffee-table. This couldn't be allowed to go on.

At least Shego had someone who knew what her problem was. With Kim, Ron could only guess.

“So... you skipped practice again yesterday, KP?”

“Yeah.”

“Feeling sick? Again?”

“I don't feel like talking.”

“Then I guess I don't need to hold your hand...”

“Ron... just – just stop it, okay?”

She'd been like that for days and days now. Ron would come over to her house and find her watching movies. He'd say for one. Two. When Kim popped in a third one, he'd leave. This was what Kim was all about now. Movies. TV. Endlessly. Action and comedy – never drama. It was obvious why – even commercials for long-distance companies would make her sniffle. Her tests at school were coming back with C and C+ on them.

Kim was falling apart, and everyone knew it. Except Kim herself – and whatever it was, she never wanted to talk to anyone about it. Although... there was one person she could talk to...

“Hey Kim!” Tara said, hanging back with her as the cheerleader squad headed off the practice field towards the locker-room, “Don't see ya around much anymore... everything okay?”

“Yeah. Fine. Everything's fine.”

“Everything doesn't sound fine. C'mon, Kim. Everyone knows something's up with you, is it-”

“I don't give a fuck what 'everyone knows', Tara! Gawd... it's my business, okay? 'Everyone' needs to stay the hell out of it.”

“Uh... okay...” Tara said, a little shocked at her foul language. Kim wasn't the kind to cuss because she thought it'd be “cool”. So it must be “serious”, then... “All right look – I'm gonna ask 'cuz I think I have to, even if you yell at me again. Does it have anything to do with your girlfriend you haven't seen in... what, nearly two months now?”

Kim's mind was in too much turmoil to answer. Of course it was – but that was nobody's business. Then again – she wished desperately to talk to someone... Shego, preferably. Shego absolutely. That was the whole problem. Where the FUCK is she? Why doesn't she even CALL me? What am I supposed to think? GodDAMN it, Shego! Well, hell. Tara would have to do.

Kim turned aside from the path that led to the school's doors, and motioned Tara into a brick-enclosed cubby hole that housed an electrical transformer.

“It's not just that I haven't seen her, Tara... I haven't heard from her, or about her or... or anything! I don't know if she's mad at me or avoiding me... or what. I mean... why would she... well, she might have a reason, but... I'm worried, Tara. I'm scared. Why hasn't she at least CALLED me!?”

Finally Kim was opening up, so Tara took her hand and tried to sound reassuring, “It's probably not whatever you're thinking, Kim. Maybe she had a family emergency, maybe she's off somewhere where there's no phones. Maybe her parent's found out she's gay and they're keeping her away from you. Uh... you never told me her name. Does she live here?”

“Uh... sort of...”

“Does she go to some other school?”

“No. No, she's... out of high school” Kim said, trying to imagine how Tara might react to the truth.

“College?”

“Her picture's in my locker, Tara.”

“You're locker? You mean, like those pictures of Dr. Drakken and Shego you – uh...”

“Yeah...”

“Oh. Oh my gaw- Oh my gaaawd! Shego? Your girlfriend is Shego?!”

“Yeah.”

“... your arch enemy? The one you used to always fight and-”

“YES, Tara! I'm in love with Shego, all right? Believe me, I know how weird it is...”

“But... geez, she's like... I mean, she must be-”

“Twenty-two now.”

“Oh my gaaawd...”

“Y'know... I thought 'wow' was bad... you're getting on my nerves, Tara...”

“Oh... Oh, I'm-”

“Please don't say you're 'sorry'...” Kim interrupted.

“Oh. Uh... yeah. Okay. Uh... I just wasn't expecting... I mean, I was thinking that... uhm... it's not important. You, uh, said you guys were really close, huh?”

“I thought so...” Kim sighed heavily. Now she wasn't so sure. “Why hasn't she at least called Tara? We were... I thought we...” In less than five seconds, Kim had gone from nearly-pissed to nearly-crying. Tara hugged her.

“C'mon Kim... She's just hiding, is all. I mean... she's a criminal, right? She can't just drop by whenever she feels like it.” She patted Kim's back, “You'll hear from her soon. Maybe she's off stealing something and you'll get a call...”

Tara went on like that, offering suggestions to make Kim feel better. But Kim wasn't listening. Instead, she was feeling.

Feeling Tara's body against hers, their breasts pressed together. Feeling the warmth of Tara's arms around her, seeing through the blonde screen of her hair, inhaling the fragrance of her. She'd been here before... not with Tara, but... it was close. It was good. Tara was – close enough. She pressed her lips to the blonde cheerleader's neck, suckling and sniffing at the same time. Close enough...

It got Tara's attention. “Hey... Kim... Hey! HEY!” she yelled, pushing Kim away, “What the heck do you think you're doing?”

Kim had been in so deep and so fast that it took her a moment to remember where she was. Tara's lip-gloss didn't help... she had nice lips... it would be so good to... just...

“HEY!”

That finally snapped her out of it. “Oh... oh... Tara... I'm... oh god, I'm so embarrassed. I'm sorry, Tara... uh...”

“Yeah, well... just watch it, okay? I mean... I know you're hurting, but...”

“Tara, please. I'm sorry. I... I'm just... see, the full moon is coming up soon. I'm... kinna scared...”

“Full moon? Why?”

“Uh... long story. Uhm... I just feel like... it's gonna be bad this time, is all. Tara? Uh... I know how this sounds – especially, y'know, now – but... uhm... Do you think you could spend the night at my house on Thursday? Just so... I can have someone to talk to, y'know? In case?”

After what had just happened, no, Tara didn't think that was such a good idea - “Uhm... I dunno Kim...”

“I'm not asking so that... Tara, I said I was sorry. I didn't mean anything... I just... uh... got carried away?”

“Yeah. Well. I suppose that's understandable...” she said, primping her hair and falling into a pose.

“If it makes ya feel any better, I'll ask Ron to come too. You like Ron?”

“He's okay. He just has this stupid idea that you count episodes by how they were shown on tv, and not by-”

“Okay Tara? No Snowman Hank talk, please? I get enough of that from him?”

That same day, Ron – desperate to say something to someone called up Wade. Wade, in turn quickly patched him through to Will Du's office, before he'd have to start lying too. Best leave that sort of thing to the professionals. That was one reason Wade preferred to interact with computers. You had to ask just the right questions... but at least they didn't lie.

“Agent Du...” Will said after the first ring.

“Yeah, Will? It's Ron. Stoppable. Uh, y'know, I'm Kim's-”

“I know who you are, Ron. How can I help you?”

“Oh. Sorry. Usually people... Uh, anyway... I'm sort of calling you behind Kim's back. She's... she's not acting right. Uhm... I think I know why, but I promised her I wouldn't say.”

“That's very helpful, Ron.”

“Yeah. Well. Uhm... have you folks heard anything from Shego lately? Uh... just wonderin'.”

“Do you think Shego has something to do with Kim's behavior, Ron?”

“Oh. Uhm... I dunno. Maybe?”

The boy obviously knew something – probably the same something Will did. But he'd promised not to tell, of course. How cute. But this wasn't the time to play with kids. If Kim was going through the same withdrawal-anxiety that Shego was, it could be serious.

“I'll tell you what I think, Ron. This is just between us, right?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure.”

“I think Kim and Shego have a thing going. I can't say how I arrived at this conclusion – police secret, you know.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think – if I'm right – that might explain her acting the way she is?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it would. Absolutely.”

“Okay, Ron. Thanks for calling me. My sources also inform me that things may reach a new level sometime on Thursday, or perhaps the day after. You follow me?”

“Yeah. Thursday. I think so too.”

“You'll keep an eye on her – an especially close eye – that day? For me?”

“Yeah. Will do.”

“Pardon?”

“Uh... I'll do that.”

“Good. Keep your Kimmunicator handy. Call me if... she does anything she shouldn't.”

“Gotcha. Hey, Will – Agent Du, I mean... You never said if you heard anything from Shego...”

“Privileged information, Mr. Stoppable. I'm sure you understand.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course. Uh, okay. Good-bye.”

“Good-bye, Ron.”

“Hi, Ron!” Tara greeted him at the door of Kim's house on Thursday, “We're upstairs watching Cruise Control. C'mon up!”

Ron hadn't know that Tara would be there. It made him a little nervous – two lesbians and him, in Kim's bedroom. But really, this wasn't the night for that sort of thing. And besides, he thought, Tara was probably there for the same reason he was. Had Kim told Tara? Well, if she had, then she'd probably told Tara not to tell anyone, just like she'd told him not to. Sheesh. This “keeping secrets” business was for the birds...

“How's she doin'?” he asked following her up the stairs.

Tara stopped and look at him. How much did he know? Was he there for the same reason she was? “You know about the moon thing?” she asked. Subterfuge was not Tara's long suit.

“Uh... yeah. The moon comes up at 6:43. She's... nervous?”

“IS she!? Gyah... She's not saying a word, just stares at the TV. Been that way since lunch. I hope she's gonna be okay...” Tara said, leading Ron up. He patted the leg-pouch of his cargo pants just to make absolutely sure he had his Kimmunicator with him. The door to Kim's room was closed. Inside, the curtains were drawn. Kim was sitting on the floor in her pajamas, her back against the bed, the TV blaring in her blank face. Was she even watching the car-chase? They both doubted it. “Kim? Ron's here!”

“How ya doin' KP?” he asked.

“Thanks... coming, Ron. I... I'm watching TV...”

“Kim?” Tara asked, “You never told me – what exactly happens when the full-moon comes up? You turn into a werewolf or something?”

Without taking her eyes off the television, Kim said, “...tell her... Ron. I... it's okay. Go ahead.”

Ron began telling the story.

“I'm gonna get another coffee. You?” Will asked.

“Mm-hmm” Shego replied.

“Uh... you haven't touched your last one...”

“Mmm.”

Will sighed. She barely even knew he was there. Was The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire really that interesting? He doubted it. He looked at his watch. Just after 5 p.m. Nearly two hours to go. He got stiffly off his chair and walked towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I told you: to get some coffee.”

“Oh. I want some too.”

“Shego... oh, all right. I'll bring another cup you can not drink.”

“What time is it?”

“Five-twelve. Still over-”

“Will? Uh... It's getting too close for... uh... Can't you go without for a few hours?”

“Read your book, Shego. I'll be back in less than five minutes.”

“What book?” she asked, then noticed it in her hand. She read the title in wonder - “Oh... 'The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire'. Volume II. Where's Volume I?”

“You finished it four hours ago.”

“I don't remember... Will, don't go all right? I... uh... I think I'm going crazy here. What time is it?”

He sat back down. “Five-thirteen, Shego. Okay. But look, why don't you take a break from the books... Talk to me instead.”

“You'll just ask a lot of questions. It's what you do. I don't-”

“Remember that time Dr. Drakken was threatening to melt down the Statue of Liberty with the giant laser? I sort of got the feeling your heart wasn't in that one. It was too easy for me. You must have known I'd drop in through the opening in the dome...”

“Oh. Yeah. Well, I didn't know it'd be you, of course... but yeah... not a plan I was really happy about or anything. I did sorta hope you guys would stop him.”

“Why?”

“C'mon, man! It's the Statue of fucking Liberty! It's history! It's art! It's even sort of a hot babe! Ya can't just go around destroying things like that to 'prove your genius'! That's... that's just...”

“Mad?”

“Well, yeah. I made up for it though when you guys attacked the Fortress of Meat By-Products.”

“Yes... yes you did...”

“Was that you?”

“Of course. It must've been hard to tell, being as I was covered with chitlins when you-”

“Oh GOD! That WAS you, wasn't it!? Oh god, that was SO funny...”

It wasn't easy, but Will kept it up for another two hours. They rehashed old missions, Shego told a few stories of things that Will had only read about in her dossier. She really was an incredible woman... and even had a sort of twisted – and subtle – sense of humor, which often - he began to realize - you couldn't see until you stepped away from the situation enough to appreciate the joke. Parachuting through the opening of the Death Ray's dome into a vat of pig intestines. Actually... that was kind of funny...

“I remember it was you when the we had the trained Jumping Leeches. Hope it didn't hurt. Much.”

Will chuckled, “Bastards could jump! I mean... who ever heard of 'jumping leeches'? Luckily, I had just enough fuel in my jet-pack to make it to the high-tension wires. Wanna guess how long I hung there?”

Shego was smiling at him, but her smile seemed frozen, suddenly. Or maybe the look in her eyes changed.

“Shego?” Will tried, wondering if it had actually happened, if she had actually remembered – or was in the process of remembering – something. “Shego? You all right?”

Everything was silent. Everything was always silent, now. The day before, as she'd cleared a spot in the barn, knotted the rope, and thrown it over the beam – at least she'd had something to do. And this morning, well, she made breakfast. Then she made lunch, even though it was all of 9 a.m. It was something to do. Then she went out and watered the plants in the greenhouse. Then she made her rounds of the generators and the pump-house. By the time she'd finished, it was 11 a.m., so she ate her lunch.

In silence.

Now she'd reached the point where there was nothing left to do. She sat in the living room, picked a historical-fiction novel, and opened it to the first page. Then she listened. Early winter – no birds, no insects, and on this particular day, not even the wind. Her ears tuned out the distant drone of the generators and left her with – silence.

If only-

“Shego?”

She jumped as if shocked electrically out of her chair – but she knew that the voice wasn't a voice, that it came from inside her head.

And she knew it would get worse. There was no chance it would ever get better now. She was alone.

Utterly, completely, irrevocably alone. Alone in the house, alone in Middleton, alone in Colorado, the United States, the hemisphere... her mind wandered, imagining what far-away places looked like now. An empty Paris. Australia deserted. The Caribbean isles she used to vacation on – all dead, all lonely. Shego thought she was the only person on Earth. No matter where she'd go, it would always just be her, now. Alone. Silent.

If only-

If only it had been her instead of Kim – but she knew that was selfish. She wouldn't wish this experience on Kim... not in a million years of loneliness would she do that. Yes. Better it WAS her then Kim. At least Kim didn't have to go through this.

If only they'd stayed TOGETHER!

Shego hung her head. She'd gone over all this before, over and over and over it. And when she lifted her head back up, none of the wishing made a difference. It never would.

Fuck this.

She left the house, heading for the barn. The only sound was her footsteps on the dry, dead grass. She went into the barn, and for some reason, closed the door behind her. It just seemed like... she should. Maybe the loose, weathered door could shut out the world out there. The dead, lonely world. Or maybe the door would just hide her from it. Just for a while. Long enough.

Inside the barn, she had to pause to let her eyes adjust to the dim light. This was it, then. She was going to do it. She stared at the noose. Soon her empty body would be hanging there. Forever. The rope would probably rot in, oh, six or seven years? Would her skeleton hold together that long, or would some gust of wind shake the barn enough to let her bones fall to the ground before then. Well, she wouldn't be there to care, anyway. And no one would ever find her – because there was no one to look. No one cared that she was doing this. Really, she didn't either. So this was it, then.

Who cares? No one.

She walked toward the ladder under the noose, unconsciously flipping up the collar of her jacket against the cold. She felt the necklace that held her wedding ring, and stopped. No. No... don't think about it. DO NOT think about her! Goddamnit... not NOW!!!

She took the necklace off mechanically as she tried desperately to keep her mind from wandering to Kim, but fleeting images danced through her head anyway. Kim smiling, Kim laughing, Kim making faces at her for one reason or another. A lot of the images were just her face when she didn't know Shego was looking at her. Kim reading. Kim eating.

Kim sleeping...

She hung the necklace on a nail without looking and kept walking slowly towards the ladder.

She had taken it off because she didn't want anything connected with Kim to be a part of this, but she didn't know that. She wasn't even aware she'd taken it off at all. She climbed the ladder.

Kim had once fallen off this ladder, she remembered. Well, how ironic, because Shego never would.

She put the noose around her neck.

So this is what it all comes to... Nothing.

It figures.

Shego didn't know whether there was an “after life” or not. It seemed like it would be too good to be true that there could be. She wasn't counting on it. In her heart she might have hoped there would be – but her heart had grown cold. All Shego hoped for was that it would end. That's all. Just let it end. She pushed off from the step-ladder.

A fall of four feet – she'd looked it up. The rope tightened sharply, painfully around her neck, burning through the skin as the noose tightened. The knot pushed hard against the side of her head as she reached the end of her fall.

That was supposed to break her neck.

The beam broke instead. A foot thick oak beam. Broke as if it were styrofoam. Shego fell to the floor, feet-first, collapsing there like a mannequin. Rope fell across her body, then sawdust floated down. Shego opened her eyes and looked up at the beam, broken, back-lit with sunlight streaming through the holes in the roof above it. Like a desolate, broken-down cathedral. And for the second time in her life, she felt like something she couldn't comprehend was watching her. Not judging, not making things happen – just watching.

What....

What, can't I even do THIS!? Everything – EVERYTHING else is gone and I'm not even allowed to do THIS!!? WHY THE FUCK NOT!!?

She got up, carefully – and painfully – removed the noose from her neck, and left the barn.

Without waiting for an answer.

“KIIIM!!!” Shego screamed as she lept off the couch. It was a dream. It was a memory. Kim was here! Not here... but...

“Shego! Shego, what-”

She whirled at Will, or whoever he was. Panic covered her face, her breath came in short, fast pants - “I need... where...” she said haltingly, but then just screamed again, “KIIIIIM!!!”. Talking to this man, and where she was, didn't really matter. One thing mattered, and that was all.

“KIIIM!!”

Will lept up and grabbed her shoulders, “Shego! Listen to me! Kim isn't here, Shego! She's at home! She's safe at home!”

She stared crazily into his eyes, barely comprehending, “At home?”

“Yes. Her home. With her family. She's-”

“I gotta get to her! I gotta see her! You... you gotta take me!”

“Shego – remember why you're here. You're her for Kim's sake. Do you know where you are?”

“I... She's at home?”

“REMEMBER where you are, Shego! Remember why you're here! Now c'mon... take a breath. Where are we?”

“We... you're... Will! You gotta get me out of here! I need her! I need her Will...”

There, finally, was what Shego had forgotten, the missing part of her relationship, the thing she couldn't remember – or perhaps didn't want to admit. Need. She brushed his hands off her shoulders and began pacing back and forth, the length of her apartment-like cell. Eight paces, window to couch.

“I can't get you out that quickly, Shego. But I can bring her here.”

She stopped. “You can?”

“Yes, Shego. I can bring her here. It'll take... maybe half an hour.”

“Half an hour!? I... I need her NOW!”

“Half an hour, Shego. If I go now. But you have to promise me something. You have to promise me you won't... DO anything! Just hold on, just wait. I'm gonna go get her. Can you hold on for half an hour?”

“I... Will... Well for god's sake GET GOING!!”

“Keep pacing Shego. Remember why you're staying here. Don't blow it now. I'm going.”

At the same time – exactly – Kim's memory surfaced in her mind.

She'd been sitting at her desk when the radio had started to beep – Shego's signal that she needed help. It had never been used before. A chill ran down Kim's back. She remembered tripping over her own feet in her rush to get out of the house, and then finding Shego in the barn, bent over the head of the machine-lathe, blood spurting from her body.

There had been a moment of panic – unusual for Kim Possible – before she'd kicked herself into gear. From then she was all the professional – nothing on her mind except what to do and how to do it and with what. No time to think. Time to flow with what made Kim who and what she was.

And once Shego was freed from the cruel, sharp wires – still in the flow – what to do now? Kim remembered wondering what she could do for her – and then instantly discarding the thought that she might be able to do anything at all. Shego needed professional help. Shego needed to go home.

Kim would take her there. She would do what she couldn't do before because the thought of living in the Real World – with Shego – had been too frightening. She would do it without a second thought about “fright”. Shego needed her to.

Would the Beacon even work?

Would Shego be able to light up the Signature Extractor in her condition?

Would Shego LIVE long enough to make it at all?

Kim didn't ask the questions. She just did her stuff.

And – IT HAD WORKED!!

They'd appeared back in the World good as new! From this universe's point-of-view, hardly any time had passed at all! Kim understood now. That is what had happened! Theoretically, they shouldn't be able to remember things that happened in the Other World – but obviously, some of those theories were wrong. Maybe they couldn't remember everything... but they were remembering enough.

Somehow, they remembered each other.

Somehow, they remembered how they were.

Somehow – and maybe cold Science would never know how – they remembered what they had.

And now they would have again. Because it didn't disappear, it didn't cease to exist, it wasn't part of that universe – it was a part of them. It always would be.

But where the FUCK is she?!!

The previous foggy turmoil in her brain was gone – she had a Purpose now, she knew what it was, she knew what she had to do. Kim was in the flow again – all her resources tuned to one goal – Find Shego.

“Ron – get on the Kimmunicator and call Wade – he's not telling us something. Don't take no for an answer. Scare the shit out of him if you have to – I'll leave that up to you. I'm going to change – we're going to the GJ compound. I'm going to talk to Dr. God-Damned Director personally. Tara. Uh... I'm sorry, Tara, but no time to talk. Thanks for being here for me – now I've got work to do. Ron? Where's your Kimmunicator? Come ON Ron – get it in gear!”

“Oh... uh... yeah. I got it right here” he said, still stunned by her change in character and her choice of language, “So... you got a memory or-”

“DAMN it Ron!” she yelled at him, already stripping off her clothes in front of him, not caring, “We don't have time for this! Get Wade on the line NOW!! We'll talk later - MOVE!!”

Ron punched in Wade's code.

Wade was there, of course. Wade was always there. “Hey, Ron” he said a little nervously, “What's the sitch?”

“Wade, we need – and I mean seriously – to find-”

Ron was interrupted when Wade's soda-slurping image was suddenly replaced by Agent Will Du's face bobbing up and down on the screen. “Ron! Is Kim with you?”

“Uh...” Ron took a moment to shift mental gears, “Yeah. Yeah she's right here. You wanna-”

“You're at her house?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Keep her there. Has she had her dream yet?”

“How'd you know?” Ron asked, puzzled. What did Agent Du know about the dreams?

“Never mind that. Is she anxious to see Shego?”

“Uh, yeah. You could say that. I mean, yes. Very.”

“Okay, tell her I'm coming via helo to bring her to Shego. Get her dressed if she isn't. I'll be there in... about ten minutes. Front lawn. Du out.”

Wade's surprised face reappeared on the screen. “Wow. He... he cut me off! No one's ever cut me off before... What was it you wanted me to find?”

“Uh... never mind Wade. Ron out.”

Tara's eyes were shifting back and forth between the two of them as she watched the show. This was SO COOL!

From her closet, muffled by the sweater she was pulling over her head, Kim said, “Ron! What'd you find out? Where are we heading?”

“KP – we're not heading anywhere. Will Du is on his way here in a helicopter. He's gonna take you to Shego. It's okay.”

Kim froze, her head still still inside the black sweater, “He... he's coming to take me to her?”

“That's what he said. Uh... did you tell him about the dreams? He knew about the dreams...”

“No. No I didn't... did you – no. Shego. Shego did. She must have! He knows where she is!”

“Yeah. Apparently. How-”

Ron was cut off as Kim hugged him so hard his breath was squeezed out.

Kim was pacing back and forth on the drive way as Will landed in her front yard. As is often the case, knowing that something was getting closer only made her that much more anxious for it to get there. She ran to the helicopter and jumped in before Will had even touched the skids to the ground. She buckled up and said, “Okay, c'mon c'mon.. let's go.. let's go!”

Ron looked at Tara, waiting on the front steps with him, “Tara? You wanna come? I guess it'd be all right.”

“In that thing? Oh, I don't think so! Uh-uh. No way. This girl needs ground under her feet. Nuh-uh. Ain't gonna happen...”

“You're afraid of flying?”

“Call it whatcha want, Ron. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Oh, this is SO romantic!”

“Yeah... okay. See ya, Tara.” Ron said, running for the chopper, which was already spinning up for take-off.”

He sat next to Kim in the back, she was looking out the window. Now that she had nothing to do but wait and ride, she could think. Some of her thoughts weren't so happy...

She had no idea how Shego felt about her, was the problem. In her anxiety to find her wife, Kim just assumed that Ron had asked Will to bring her – she had no idea whether Shego wanted to see her or not.

What if she didn't?

Shego hadn't had the marriage memory, as far as Kim knew. She'd had the rescue memory – which Kim could now confirm with her own version of the events, their first shared bit of information about the other world. But when Shego had told her about that... did she realize... how they were? She tried to remember how she sounded, playing the conversation over in her head. Did Shego know? How they were... supposed to be?

Did... did she have any sexual memories? Kim had only the one – and it wasn't at all what she hoped it would be. Surely it couldn't be like that. The way Shego had been in the restroom at the stadium... that was how she'd hoped it would be, Kim only just now realized. Why couldn't Shego have waited – a while – before doing that? Made an event out of it? It could have been so... much more than it was.

That had been shortly after Kim had her dream about Shego and the dogs. She wondered what Shego's dream was for that month... Of course! She had a sex dream! THAT'S why she was so... eager! God, Doc... why didn't you TELL me?! Maybe we could have... What? Arranged something? Kim sighed. No... left to herself, Kim probably wouldn't have been ready until – well, she probably still wouldn't be ready. I'm an idiot Doc, she thought to herself, I'm sorry you married an moron. Can we get past that and just... be like we were? Please?

Please...

The closer they got, the more sullen Kim became. Ron noticed, but couldn't say anything over the roar of the helicopter blades. Will was flying for speed, not stealth, and the sonic-booms from the blade-tips drowned out any possibility for conversation. He held her hand, but she didn't seem to notice.

The connection was getting stronger, the need for each other more intense, and the fear of each other's rejection greater. By the time Will landed on the helipad atop the GJ Admin building, Kim was terrified. Too much was at stake. The wrong answer would be too devastating to take. She didn't want to find out. Not really. Not now.

It was affecting Shego too. Pacing back and forth in her tiny apartment, alone, and Kim was out there, somewhere. Probably at home. Maybe the stadium. There weren't a lot of likely locations. If only she could get out, steal transportation of some sort – preferably something airborne. Look for her. Will said he was going to get her but... how long ago was that? So where the fuck WAS HE then?! Bastard would probably show up in his own sweet time... probably hadn't left the damn building yet!

At the window end of the room, she grabbed the closed curtains and pulled them down, rod and all. Step one.

She walked to the far end of the room, and turned around. She had to get out... she had to find Kim... Kim wasn't dead. Shego wasn't alone. Kim was out there. Outside that barred window. She lit up.

Fuck her plan. Her plan was stupid anyway. She was just going to wait there for five years or so... God! What an idiot! The whole premise – an idyllic life, no longer a criminal, her slate cleaned. Living amongst the Civilians – with Kim – as one of them. As if. A house together somewhere... maybe in the country. Coming home to find her there, being there when she came home.

One good blast oughta do it. Simple, easy, quick. She wanted so badly to just do something, and she'd been put in a position of helplessness. Well, fuck helpless. Shego doesn't DO helpless!

From the walls of the courtyard opposite, snipers aimed through the window at the potential escapee. They knew who she was. They knew what she could do. They also had the drop on her. No chance, Shego... you have no chance whatsoever...

She stood there, hands raised and encased in bright green plasma. Will had told her not to do anything. He'd also said he'd be right back, though... so-

“Shego! Shego I'm back!” Will threw open the door and instantly surveyed the situation. Shego was just about to blast her way out – or try to, anyway. The door was a little more than halfway between the window and the back of the room, and he could see three laser dots dance on her chest. He knew what the snipers orders were. She'd be dead before the fireball even left her hands. “I brought Kim, Shego!” he stepped into the laser beams and waved the snipers off. “Kim! Kim, c'mon in!”

If Ron hadn't been holding on to her, Kim might well have turned and fled. This was not right. This was not good. Will yelling, the green light spilling from the open door – that was Shego's light. After coming all this way, she dreaded facing the woman she loved. Who might not love her. 50/50. Sometimes that's unacceptable.

“Kim... c'mon. She's right inside...” Ron said calmly. He knew that the last thing Kim needed right now was even more of a sense of urgency. He gently led her through the door. She didn't resist, but neither did she go willingly. It was like leading a zombie.

Shego didn't look. She just kept staring at the window, hands afire.

She didn't need to look. Kim was there. She could feel it. Her whole world hung on the thread of what would happen in the next few seconds, and she knew it. She was afraid.

Kim looked at Shego. This was not good.

Shego turned her head to look at Kim. The thread tightened.

Will and Ron watched.

Shego lowered her arms, but forgot to turn off her plasma. There she was: Kim was here. What was she thinking? What was she afraid of? Was the answer no? Was the dream just... just a dream, after all?

She took one unsure step in Kim's direction.

Shego was coming for her, hands aglow, Kim saw. That meant one thing: fight. This woman hated her – Kim knew that feeling. She instinctively started to go into her defensive crouch, bringing her hands out in front.

Shego saw. Kim was doing what Kim always did – just like... before. She was going to defend herself against Shego. Question answered. No music for Shego.

It figures.

Shego's eyes subtly betrayed her horror. The thread was going to break.

Perhaps no one else could have detected what shown in Shego's eyes – but Kim could. The girl whose only super-power was thinking fast realized what was happening in a blinding flash of insight - dropping her posture, she began to run towards Shego, arms out.

The same flash that shown from Kim's mind lit up Shego's heart.

The thread their worlds had hung from ceased to exist as their arms closed around each other. Reunion. Completion.

Fulfillment.

Their hug went on a long time, the two girls silent but for the occasional sniffle, as Will and Ron watched. Their hands didn't even move on each other's backs. It was as if they were frozen together like that.

For Will, this was proof. Proof that he'd been right, that his hunch, his instinct, had been true. Trusting in Shego's apparent change-of-heart, in what he saw as her “genuineness” had been by far the biggest gamble of his career - perhaps of his life. And he had been RIGHT!

He nodded to Ron, catching his eye, and waved him towards the window. Together, they lifted the curtain-rod back up onto it's brackets. Then they left, and Will closed the door gently behind him.

“Do you drink coffee, Mr. Stoppable?”

“Uh...”

“Then it's time you started. Come with me.”

As Will was pouring their second cup of coffee, Kim and Shego were still embraced, but forehead-to-forehead now, just staring. They still hadn't said a word to each other. Like a lost Legionnaire dying of thirst, and finally coming to an oasis that's not an illusion, they'd drunk their fill, but still couldn't stop drinking. They were drinking in each other's presence. It was what they'd needed, and they hadn't even known it.

They knew it now.

And they each knew that the other knew, too.

This was how it was going to be. Shego, so proud of her independence, was going to need Kim for the rest of her life. Kim, so concerned about what people thought of her, was going to be with Shego. There were no questions, no wrinkles to be ironed out. That's how it was going to be. That's how it had to be.

But there was one thing left to say – for Shego to say. She wasn't going to screw it up this time - “Kim, will you marry me?”

Kim's eyes shifted, her lips parted. Shego knew instantly what it meant – and really, that wasn't important.

“I don't mean right now, I mean... whenever you're ready.”

“Yes, Shego.”

Chapter Text

Will, with Ron right behind him holding a new telephone for Shego's apartment, slipped his card through the reader next to Shego's door. The light turned green, there was a soft click, and Will opened it.

He could hear the panic before he even looked to see Kim standing stiffly beside the couch where Shego was sitting. Kim's face was turning redder as he watched - she was obviously afraid she'd been “caught”. Her body-language screamed We weren't DOING anything!

Shego was just looking down at her knees. He heard her sigh.

It was fairly obvious what was going on here... apparently “lesbian bliss” was not going to happen for awhile. That must be the “issue” that Shego was hoping Kim would work out, Will thought, I guess Kim's going to be self-conscious for awhile yet...

“Kim? Sorry, it's time for us to go. Actually, it's an hour past time for us to go... I gave you as long as I could” he said, sounding stern but feeling apologetic.

Go? Go... back home? Barely past the relief of being together finally, it had never occurred to Kim that they might be separated again. She looked at Shego, and asked haltingly (because it was SO humiliating with Will and Ron there), “Doc... can't... can't I stay? Just... tonight...”

Shego wanted nothing more right then, but there was more than 'right then' to consider. She looked at Will for a semi-hopefully, but really, Shego knew better. Leave an underaged teen girl alone with a known felon in her “jail cell”? For a sleep-over? Not likely. Not from the Law's standpoint.

He reluctantly nodded no, just as she'd expected.

“I'm sorry, Red. I guess... it probably wouldn't look good. And it'd be hard to explain to your parents, too. Maybe... you'll come tomorrow?” She glanced at Will again for confirmation that it would be allowed. He nodded that it would.

“And she can call you once you're home, Kim” Will said.

“Yeah... I'll call,” Shego said, “We can talk all night. And you can come tomorrow. I... I'm in prison, Red. I have to be, for awhile... You go on now.”

Kim forced herself to walk toward the door where Will and Ron were waiting. Multiple humiliations were weighing her down. Being “caught” was only a part of it. She had also just proved to Shego – her wife, her love – that she was embarrassed to be seen being close with her. Shego had obviously been disappointed. It just couldn't get any worse. And now, before she would even have a chance to say “I'm sorry”, she was going to have to leave. She looked at Will, then Ron. Shego had probably told Will everything, just as Kim had told Ron. So they both knew. And of course, they'd both been watching Shego and Kim's desperate embrace. So why was it still hard to say anything in front of them? But finally, she had to. She faced Shego from the door-frame:

“Doc... I... I'm sorry for-”

“Me too, Pumpkin. For everything.”

“And I love you.”

Shego smiled faintly – for Kim to say that in front of the guys, well, it was a start. “I love you too, Red. Go answer your phone.”

Kim was, of course, back the next day. Will escorted her in, but then, noting her painfully anxious posture and the look on her face, he decided he should probably spend a while in the Break Room. He shouldn't have – it was against the rules – but he did anyway. Besides, it would give him time to phone Dr. Director and tell her that the three of them were there. After Will had made his Friday Report about the girl's reunion, she'd asked to see the three of them next time they were all there. The meeting was to be kept a surprise to Kim and Shego until the last minute.

The Director was in the office that Saturday – not unusual – but this time especially because she was expecting Kim to show up. After Will called her, she put aside her other catch-up work and took a paddle-ball from the bottom drawer of her desk. She leaned back and paddled, the little rubber ball bouncing rhythmically back and forth on its elastic string. This was a ritual of hers since back in the college days.

It was going to be an important interview. There were questions to be answered. About the relationship between Kim and Shego (which frankly sounded more than a little on the fantastic side), about Shego's future intentions, about Kim's place in all of it. Shego's comet-power made her a potentially very dangerous threat to global security, and if Kim were to be swayed into a life of crime to stay with her... well, she needed to know which way the ball bounced. Love and Ethics were independent properties. And if this whole thing were some kind of hoax the two of them had already pre-planned...

Kim would serve as the litmus test. Dr. Director knew the girl well, and poor Kim couldn't lie her way out of a paper bag. Shego, on the other hand, had pretty much made a career of trickery and deception. Even her trade-mark suit was designed to confuse. It was dangerous to assume – as Will apparently had – that the woman was ever honest. She wasn't about to simply take his word for it.

So if Shego and Kim were in on the hoax together, it would be readily apparent. On the other hand, if Shego were using Kim, then she should react a certain way as the Director asked her supposed “lover” questions. She'd want Kim to display the depths of the relationship that Shego was cultivating in her.

If the story were true, though... Shego ought to behave... differently. It ought to be obvious. If it wasn't... well, it was going to have to be, is all. The Director wouldn't be satisfied with anything less than “obvious”.

That might make things hard on Kim... But if this affair were true, then she didn't want to poison either – or both – of them against her and the GJ. Because having them working as a team for the GJ would be... well, one of the most potent forces at her disposal.

There was a lot at stake here.

She paddled her ball.

When the time came close for Will to show up with the girls, she put her paddle-ball away, arranged her office furniture, straightened her desk, and partially closed her curtains. She put the fern from her desk onto the coffee-table in front of the couch. Something calming and restful for them to stare at. This was going to be tricky.

She prepared to pretend to make notes in her Day-Planner. The Director had her own deceptions and tricks – the difference between her and Shego lay in the purpose behind them.

A knock on her door.

Show time.

“You may come in” Betty Director said from behind her desk, “Ladies... have a seat on the couch please. I'll be with you in a moment.” She went back to pretending to make entries in the Planner.

“I'll just wait-” Will began.

“You stay, Agent First Class Du. Take that chair” Betty pointed without looking up. Her use of his full title was a signal for him – watch, learn, and shut-up.

Betty watched the girls' reflections in the face of her her desk-clock. Shego was nonchalant – or acting so. Probably acting. Kim was obviously intensely anxious. She usually was that way, though, in this office, so nothing really new there. Time to start. She looked up.

“I suppose you both know why I've asked to see you?”

Shego, of course, answered for them, “We can guess, Betty.” Kim was looking at the fern, the Director noticed.

“Kim – Ms. Possible, I mean – Agent Du reports to me that you are involved with your former arch-enemy: Ms. Van Gogh. True?”

Kim swallowed before answering, “Yes, ma'am.” The blush appeared instantly.

“Romantically involved?”

Still staring intently at the fern, Kim answered after a short pause, “Yes, ma'am.”

Almost before Kim finished her answer, Betty said, “Sexually involved?”

Kim slumped visibly, and her blush turned up two full shades. But Shego, watching her, turned glaring eyes towards the Director and answered instead, “Yeah, sexually too! Is there a point to-”

“Ms. Van Gogh – I'll get to you later, if you please. I'm asking Kim.”

Shego was starting to breathe hard, but backed down just the same saying “Yeah, well... I'm not 'pleased'.”

“Doc?” Kim said, “It's okay. Yes, ma'am. S – sexually.” Kim didn't understand what the Director was up to, either – but she did know that she was up to something.

“So you're a homosexual now...”

There it was again. The “H” word. Or the “L” word, or the “G” word... always with the god-damned words. “I guess so.”

“You guess so?” Poke.

Kim looked up from the fern, “Yeah, I guess so! I... I'm 'involved', as you put it, with Shego. A woman. So call it what you want - I really don't care.”

“I see” Betty said calmly. She noted the slight surprise on Shego's face. “And this happened during your time together in... what shall we call it... the Other World.”

“That's right.”

Obviously, Kim wasn't going to be volunteering any information on her own. Dr. Director thought for awhile, then asked, “Were you gay before your other-dimensional experience?”

“I... I don't...” Kim sighed. “I don't know. I don't think so... But it... it just seems like... how could I not have... uh...” she took a deep breath to collect her thoughts. It occurred to her that no one was really interested in her turmoil about what it meant to be “gay”, or to what degree, or under what circumstances. People just wanted simple answers – probably because they'd never questioned their own sexuality. Fuck. What difference did it make anyway? Kim decided to stick with simple answers. “I don't think so. No, ma'am.”

“You were there for twenty-one years, from your point-of-view.”

“Yes.”

“You arranged a marriage ceremony.”

“Yes.”

“Why? There was no one else there... what was the point of that?”

“Because I wanted... I wanted...” she glanced over at Shego beside her. The older girl was staring at the fern now. “I wanted her to know how I felt. I wanted to wear a ring. I wanted to make it... permanent. Somehow. Official. Even if it wasn't exactly... but to me it was.”

Shego shifted uncomfortably on the couch. The Director was humiliating Kim on purpose – and her by association. God-damned cops. They're always up to their tricks...

“Do you consider yourself 'married' to Ms. Van Gogh now?” Betty asked.

Shego looked over at Kim now, with an expression on her face that the Director wouldn't have been able to describe, “Red... you don't... it's okay. You don't have to answer – it's none of her-”

Staring right back at Shego – and not at the Director - Kim only said, “Yes, ma'am.” Shego swallowed, and went back to studying the fern.

Time to get Unprofessional about it, Betty thought to herself, rile them up - “It could never be official, you know. In fact, in Colorado-”

“You didn't ask me if I thought it was official. You asked me if I considered myself married to her. Yes. I am. Next question.” Kim cut her off. Actually cut her off!

Well, Betty thought, Kim's certainly earnest. And... not much like the Kim I used to know, either. She actually interrupted me and threw my own words back! Not quite the teenager you were before, are you Kim... Just as one might expect, given the story supposedly behind it. Two points for the Truth. But be that as it may, it wasn't getting her far with analyzing Shego's reactions. She was still going to have to find a way to piss the Thief off...

“How are your parents taking all this?”

Bam! All Kim's 'maturity' disappeared in a flash - “Oh. Uh... It's... I mean...”

“Just where do they think you are right now, Kim?”

“Uhm...”

Kim began to fidget, noticeably pained and confused now. Shego glared at the Director, and the Director saw but pretended to pay no mind. Will continued staring at the fern, but he could tell what was going on. It was in the air.

“Well, no matter. It's not the job of Global Justice to 'out' homosexuals – even underage ones... but I have to say, this is in fact Global Justice, not 'Club Med'. If you were expecting more 'bathroom sex' like you had at the Middleton stadium while Shego is incarcerated here, it's not-”

“WHAT THE FUCK are you up to, Betty!” Shego yelled, jumping up from the couch.

Will jumped up too, instinctively reaching for his sidearm.

Kim tried to interject, “Shego! Don't-”

“Fuck that Kim! What the hell kind of interview is this, anyway? She's done nothing but embarrass you and try to catch you off-guard and put you in awkward situations – and I've been sitting her watching and not saying anything, but it's ALL BULLSHIT!! NONE of the things she's asked have anything to do with ANYTHING!! It's like she has some kind of personal vendetta against you because you're... because we're a couple now, and she doesn't LIKE it! What about it, Doctor? Learning lots of good stuff, are ya? I know how she works, Kim – she likes to twist people around and watch them squirm until she gets what she's after. What I wanna know is WHAT ARE YOU AFTER, DIRECTOR?!”

“I'm after you, Shego” Dr. Director said holding Shego's enraged glare, “It was you being interviewed here. I asked Kim the questions, but it's you I need to know about.”

Too late, Shego realized that she'd done exactly what the Director had wanted her to do. “Fucking cops! God!” With that, she sat back down.

“I needed to satisfy myself that she was actually in love with you so that-”

“She is!” Shego fairly growled.

“And are you in love with her?”

“I... I am...”

“And what will you do now? What is it you want now, Shego?” Betty pressed her point while she had Shego too humiliated to lie or evade the question.

“Me? What do I want? You wanna know what I fuckin' want? I'll tell ya what I fuckin' want – you should get a kick outta this: I want a god-damned house in the country with a kitchen and a vegetable garden out back and her coming through the god-damned door at five o'clock and saying 'Honey! I'm home!' and our god-damned dog and I will run up and lick her god-damned face! THAT'S what I GOD-DAMNED WANT!!”

Everyone was looking at Shego. She glared at Dr. Director for awhile longer, awaiting the expected smart-ass response, but it never came. She looked around at the other faces – Kim's, Will's.

Will – with his hand still on his holstered gun – could only say “God-damn, Shego...”

She looked back at Kim, who was so stunned that she only said, “You... you want a dog?”

And finally back at Dr. Director, who smiled faintly and said “That does sound rather nice. I suggest a greyhound. I have two myself. Now let's talk about how we can make that happen, shall we?”

“Well now, this is looking a lot homier...” Will said, referring to Shego's new apartment. Still secure, still in the “HLS” wing, but with a kitchen and a bedroom now. The previous day, Kim, Ron, Tara, and he had taken part in a “cell-warming” party. The “boys” - as they were referred to - were tasked with running back and forth to J.C. Penney, Home Depot, and SafeWay as required by the “girls”. Frankly, Will and Ron were happy to get away from all the decorating-talk and furniture-moving duty, and Will didn't even mention that he was breaking yet another Rule by leaving them there unattended.

“Woman's touch. You wouldn't understand” Shego commented mock-snidely.

“Uh-huh. You didn't know what a 'window sheer' or 'valence' was either, I noticed. And even I know what color 'heliotrope' is.”

“You shoulda been a decorator, Secret Agent Man” Shego said, “I thought I saw you checking out Ron when he was here. You go, girl!”

“Not funny, Shego.”

“All in the point of view, Will” she said, winking at him, “Oh, and uh... Kim will be over for dinner, so...”

“I'll make myself scarce. I'm making a little home for myself at the end of the hall. Magazines, newspapers... little coffee-warmer, comfy chair from the waiting-room. Maybe I'll put in a little fridge and a tv...”

“Yeah, good. Thanks.”

Will sighed. This had been one of his longer conversations with her since Kim had come back into her life. If Kim wasn't actually there, then Shego was usually on the phone with her. Today was an oddity – Kim normally called and talked all through lunch. It wasn't so much that he felt jealous as it was... No, basically he was jealous. He sighed again. She didn't notice.

Then he said, “Oh! That reminds me – your, uh, 'Ruskie' or whatever book came in at the library. They sent me an e-mail. I'll pick it up-”

“Ruskin? The Selected Writings of Ruskin? Oh my god!” Shego was displaying more excitement than Will had ever seen. And for a book? “Will? Can you go get it and bring it when you come back this evening? I know you've already made your library run, but-”

“I'll GET IT tomorrow, Shego! I'm not your errand-boy, you know... It's a book. You'll get it tomorrow. Christ...”

“Well... 'Scuze me for asking a favor. You're the 'good cop'. My buddy. I know all about it.”

“Shego... Whatever. You'll have an hour after I escort Kim in.”

“One hour? Are you punishing me here, Will? It's usually two. Sometimes three...”

“I know, and because of those extra hours, I'm behind on other duties. I do have other duties. Checking in on you is only one of them. You'll get your book tomorrow.” He turned to leave. Really, he should check with the Director about whether it was really necessary for him to be doing this anymore. It seemed like a waste of time. Maybe she'd cut his visits down to once a day. Or week.

“Yeah. You do that” Shego said coldly.

“Later” Will said while closing the door behind him.

Shego stared at the door. Stupid cop. All she did was ask him for a little favor. He'd done her BIG favors before... a couple of times. A few. So what was the big deal about going back downtown to the library to... it would only take fifteen minutes! Well, with weekday traffic, maybe half an hour. 45 minutes... Each way...

“Aww... fuck” Shego said to herself, collapsing onto the couch.

Will fumed as he fairly stomped down the hallway, making sure Shego would be able to hear him leaving. Bitch... Like he didn't have better things to do than run books back and forth for her all day long. Did she think he was her side-kick? Her fan-boy? Okay, so maybe he did idolize her a little – she was the best, most cunning, most powerful, smartest... And maybe he was a little proud to consider himself to be her “buddy”, but...

“Awww, God... dammit...” he said to himself in the elevator.

From his little “home” at the end of the hall, Will could smell the dinner that Shego had prepared. Something Italian, it smelled like. As usual, it smelled good, too. He'd had turkey al la king at the GJ cafeteria earlier. It was... food. It wouldn't kill you. Usually. He sighed and went back to his Aviation News. Burt Rutan's 'SpaceShipOne” looked just incredibly cool... Gawd he was hungry...

At 6:30 the girl's hour was up. He put down his magazine and took a sip of barely tepid coffee with artificial creamer in it. He looked down the hall... and sat back down. What the hell. Give 'em another hour.

Then his Communicator went off.

“Will D – oh, hi, Kim. Look, you can have another-”

“You want some eggplant Parmesan? Shego made kind of a lot... and uh...”

“I don't want to intrude, Kim. This is supposed to be your-”

“Didn't you say once that you went to Rice? I'm going there for an interview next week – they're offering me a scholarship, maybe. You got your Master's in Criminology there, right?”

“Oh. Yeah... I did. Uh... okay, I'll be right in.”

Kim was still sitting at the kitchen table, her empty plate still in front of her. Shego was retrieving Will's plate from the micro-wave. Will sat down at the place prepared for him, and noticed that Kim was already blushing intensely.

“Look Kim, I know it's uncomfortable for you with me being here. I can just take my plate and-”

“No, no, Will... it's not that this time,” she smiled an un-forced smile, although she still didn't look at him, “It's just that Doc was teasing me about things she remembers and I don't.”

Will asked out of cop habit, “What kinds of things?” and then winced inwardly. What kinds of things do you THINK, moron?

Shego answered as she sat down Will's plate “Hot lesbian sex. What else?”

“Doc!”

“Well, that's what the HLS wing is here for...” Will said to Shego, following along with what he thought might be a joke.

Kim of course didn't know that - “Oh! No!... we don't... I mean, all we-”

“Pumpkin? Lighten up. He was making a joke...” Shego said, rolling her eyes at Will.

Kim attempted to hide her face in her hands.

God it was cute. Will had to force himself not to stare, and carried on - “ANYWAY, Kim... Rice, huh? Good choice. What were you thinking of majoring in?”

Dr. Drakken was keeping close tabs on Kim Possible as his plan neared completion. She was to be the key player, after all. He needed her and everything that came with her – notably, the Press. When he saw that she'd booked a flight to Houston for the next week, he smiled. Perfect. She'd be alone, according to the ticket, and she'd be close to the action, so he could depend on her showing up. It was going to push his schedule up a bit... but nothing he couldn't make up for if he hurried.

All that was really left to do was run the calculations for positioning the Transporter's destination locations – and he wouldn't be able to get more than rough estimates about that until he was in the mine, using his Tensor Stress Sensor to follow along the fault-line at various distances. Longer distances were actually easier to calculate – closer ones would need more precision. One of those cube-law things.

He began sketching out the equations in his notebook.

“Now Shego” Dr. Director began, from the couch in Shego's apartment. She sipped her tea – lemon grass with thyme – and waited for Shego to seat herself, “I have word from... sources... that Dr. Drakken may be up to something. Since you seem to have changed sides, I wonder if you could tell me anything that might be of value about that...”

“Sorry, Betty. I'd tell you if I knew, but he wasn't exactly himself when I finally quit. It was kinna spooky, actually. Usually he won't shut-up about his latest plan... but this time, he wouldn't say squat. I was kind of grateful, to tell the truth.”

“I see. So... no other unusual behavior prior to that? Just one day – instead of bragging about his genius – he shuts up? When did you first notice him acting oddly?”

“Oh, I dunno... First he was working on this 'Vanishing Cream' – supposed to make you invisible – oh, wait. No, first he wanted me to go get some plutonium. From Fermi Lab. Yeah, that's was when Kim showed up and-”

“I know about that. What was the plutonium for?”

“Heck if I know. But after that, he went and bought some somewhere. This was right about the time of my first dream from the Other World. I, uh, guess you got Will's report about all that...”

“It was rather sparse. You were walking around a ruined city somewhere.”

“Yeah. St. Louis. Which I thought was weird 'cause I've never been there. I told Dr. D about it, and-”

“You did?”

“Well, yeah. I didn't tell him that I was looking for Kim there – was sort of still trying to wrap my head around that at the time – but yeah... Oh! And he kind of perked up when I said it was St. Louis. Wanted to know if I was sure it was St. Louis, sure it was an earthquake, stuff like that. Actually... that was when he started acting weird, I guess, come to think of it...”

“By 'acting weird' you mean not telling you his plans...”

“Yeah. Exactly. You think his plan has something to do with earthquakes in St. Louis?”

“It's a good bet, based on what I've heard. The question remains: why did he decide to suddenly keep it a secret from you?”

“Yeah. I dunno. I used to give him a pretty hard time about his schemes... maybe he just got tired of it. Poor guy... he's actually kinna brilliant, y'know. But way too much of a goof-ball to ever pull anything off. I mean, a fortress made entirely out of cheese. Come on...”

Betty chuckled - “Yes... that was... unusual. Well, thank you Shego. You've actually been quite helpful. Keep thinking about why he may have wanted to hide his plan from you, though. It might be important.”

“'Kay Betty. I get brownie-points for this?”

“Ten. Maybe fifteen. We'll see.”

Kim was in the Dean's waiting-room when her Communicator went off.

“Wade! Long time no see! What's the sitch?”

“Trouble in the Deep South, Kim – Avery Island, Louisiana. You're close by, so Dr. Director said to get you there ASAP. Ron will be there later. She seems to think it's Dr. Drakken, but won't say why. Anyway, he's making little earthquakes all along some fault line – they think he's trying to set off the Big One somehow. Your helo will land in the clock-tower square in... well, about five minutes, looks like. Better hurry.”

“Got it Wade! Kim out!”

It felt good to be back in the game again, FINALLY, and took her mind off how much she wished Shego was there with her.

“The Dean will see you now, Ms. Possible” the secretary said pleasantly, despite her scowl. Apparently, the scowl was permanent.

“Oh, sorry. Gotta go – save the world y'know! I'll re-schedule when I get back!” and she was out the door.

Half an hour later, she was descending the elevator into the Avery Island salt mine.

The salt-dome that contained the mine was an obvious feature, as seen from the air – it pushed up a circular mound over a mile wide in an otherwise nondescript bit of marshland in far southern Louisiana. The “island” itself didn't really look like Kim had imagined, being only technically an island because, if not for the bridges, one would have had to wade through swamp to get to it.

The dome was actually a few miles wide underneath that cap, and honey-combed into huge rooms with pillars of salt left in place for support. The deepest level was 900 feet down – and no longer in production. The perfect place for a mad-scientist to set up shop.

At the far end of the eastern-most room, a spider-web-like device hung on the crystalline wall. This was Dr. Drakken's “Tensor Stress Sensor”, or just “TensorSensor”, for short. He thought the short version was far more clever. With the TensorSensor in place, he could trace the fault within the Earth to it's far end just west of Indianapolis. That's where he started.

His pride and joy, the miniaturized Transporter Loop (singular this time) sat on a ping-pong table next to the ice-chest sized tiny nuclear reactor that provided power. Every five minutes, a Rube Goldberg-looking device would catapult a baseball-sized sphere of purple goo through the energized, foot-wide Loop. Where that sphere ended up was what the Doctor was there to control.

The purple goo was a super-slippery gel that foamed under pressure. Once “transported” into the slip zone, it expanded to roughly ten-thousand times it's size in volume, in the direction of maximum pressure. It crawled through the porous sand-and-limestone along the fault line, reducing the friction there to nearly zero and voila! the fault would slip – just a little – and just right there. Enough to be detected by the seismic sensors that monitored the fault – but not enough to be felt by the people above it.

By the time Kim got to him, a mile and a half away from the elevator, on the bottom level, underground, Drakken was positioning the other end of the Loop just north of Baton Rouge.

“This is the part where you give up, Dr. Drakken!” she shouted, rounding a corner and finally seeing him and his equipment. She stopped to await a reply, somewhat stunned that he didn't seem to care that she was there.

“What? Oh! Oh, yes, there you are, Kim Possible! How excellent! Oh, wait, what am I supposed to – oh yes, 'You think you're all that, but you're NOT'. Ha ha. Fun!”

It was fun for him, too. After all this time – and without help from Shego – the world would finally have to recognize his genius! Why, the scale of the disaster-

“I'm glad you're enjoying yourself...” Kim said, still shouting, but not quite so sure of herself... she must be missing something, “... because where you're going, the entertainment options will be limited!”

Drakken furrowed his brow and looked over at her again, “My 'entertainment options will be limited'? That's not... see here, you are Kim Possible, correct? Why do you sound like a spokeswoman for Webster's Dictionary? It's a good thing no one's recording this – I'd be embarrassed. For you.” He turned back to his control panel. Another ball of gel flew through the Loop.

“Yeah... well” Kim retorted, but then thought, enough of this! “Enough of this!” She ran toward him, intent on preventing him from... whatever it was he was doing. But twenty feet away, she felt something strange – like the air itself had become heavy and thick, syrupy. She could hardly move through it. Or breathe within it. She back-stroked her way in reverse until she could breathe again. “... the hell?”

“Good, isn't it? I haven't come up with a name for it yet... something involving 'kinetic', I should think. 'Kino-repeller field' perhaps. Bah... I'll think of something later. Busy now, don't you know.”

Whatever it was Drakken was doing, he sure seemed contented and happy about doing it. He hadn't even laughed maniacally yet. Kim considered her options, and looked for the source of the “Kino-whatever” field. While she looked, she engaged Drakken in small-talk. Keep him distracted for awhile, until he'd get tired of wondering what she was up to. All very... Star Trek-ish. Captain Kirk had found a hole in the force-field around his villain... perhaps she could, too.

“Yeah, pretty cool. So whatcha up to Drak? All the way down here, all alone... no lasers or anything. Not really your style, is it?” She began walking around the forcefield, trying to get a feel for where it was and still looking for what was producing it.

“It's the New Me, Kimmerz! I'm hip! I'm likable! I'm a little eccentric! I'm thinking 'book/movie' deal! 'Dr. D Saves the World'. Or perhaps, 'Drakken Saves St. Louis'. Yes... assonance. Very good. Very whack...”

“Did you just call me 'Kimmerz'?” Kim shook her head to clear it, something SO not right here... Whack? “Wait. 'saves'? SAVES? Did I hear right?”

“Yes indeed! 'Saves'. You were sent here of course to stop me, to foil my dastardly scheme. Well, now you can say 'Oh-emm-gee! He's SAVING the Mississippi Valley! Oh-emm-eff-gee!' Such a plot twist! Ell-oh-ell. I can't wait to see the audience's faces...”

“You... you've been spending way too much time on the 'net, Dr. D...”

“Ha. Research. Gotta be down with the masses – I mean 'the home team'. My homies. Have to practice that more... What exactly does it mean to be 'chillin'? Is it like being 'cool'? And should one say 'cool' or 'kool' or 'k00l'? Really, you young people's culture is SO the confusion... Did I get that right? And about this 'ell-emm-ay-oh' thing-”

“What the HELL happened to you?! You inhale some of your own freak-gas or something?”

“In a sense. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Master them through mass-media! Video-games! The Drax-Box! What do you – I mean, 'Whaddaya think' ?”

“I think you've finally gone completely bonkers...”

“All part of my scheme, Kimmerz. You WILL know my genius!”

“That's more like it” Kim said with some relief. It was the first “normal” thing out of his mouth so far.

“It's going to be my corporate Mission Statement. I'm still working on a logo. I'm thinking of a color and an animal of some sort – but all the good ones are taken. Blue Dolphin. Pink Parakeet. Rainbow Koala... can you believe it? There's actually a company out there called 'Rainbow Koala'. They make shower-curtain rings. Going legit has turned out to be harder than I thought it would be. You think I'll have groupies, Kimmerz? I've never had a groupie before...”

“Can we get back to what you're doing here? Something about earthquakes, I was told...”

“I'm preventing one, Kimolio! Yes! When it comes out what I've accomplished here – the first time anyone has been able to prevent a natural disaster, I'll be famous! Hmmm... I may even win the Nobel Prize... 'Nobel Laureate Dr. Drakken'. Heh. 'Super-genius'. Yes. I like the sound of that... 'Nobel Laureate Drakken, SUPER-genius'...”

“You're freaking me out, Drak...”

“Don't hate me because I'm a super-genius. HA! MWAH-HAH!” Drakken laughed at his own joke.

“Well, now that we've had a chat, let me show you my stuff here. You'll be impressed. Tell your friends!” He reached up and pulled one of the several levers at the top of his control-console. Kim felt the force-field weaken and disperse.

“You... you're letting me in? Just like that?”

“Why not? We're on the same side here. Besides, I'm about done. Three or four more mini-quakes, and 99% of the stress from the last few million years will be gone. All with little mini-quakes that Joe Blow on the street couldn't even feel. I am da man! Woot!”

“Can you cut that out now, Doctor? I'm serious. It really weirds me out...”

Dr. Drakken grinned a non-mad-scientist grin. It looked... strange, on a man with a blue face, one continuous eyebrow, and a scar on his cheek. Not the sort of thing one would expect. “I do apologize, Kim. I have to practice my new persona, you know. You're my first test audience. Perhaps it needs toning down...”

“Yeah... perhaps...” Kim said, walking up to the control console – still wary, but mostly confused.

“Now, you see this display? This represents the vectorized stress field of the New Madrid fault. Now, by taking the grad of that-”

“Grad?”

“It's like an integral in each dimension. Uh, do you understand-”

“I know what integrals are, yeah. Go on...”

“Well, we can follow the field along and insert our goo-goo gel at the-”

“'Goo-goo gel'?”

“Slippery stuff.”

“Got it.”

“- at the stress points. The slippery stuff makes the fault slip right there. By distributing the slip along various points a bit at a time, we relieve the stress of the fault. Lots of little quakes that do no harm, as opposed to one big one disaster.”

“... that's... that's pretty cool, Dr. Drakken. But, uh... why are you doing this again?”

“Try to pay attention, Kim. Everyone knows about the New Madrid strike-slip fault. It is a well known geological feature. The stresses on it are very well understood and monitored. But all the geophysicists can say is 'it will probably cause a major earthquake sometime in , oh, the next hundred thousand years. Give or take twenty thousand years.' Now I'm going to show them how to change the characteristics of the earth itself! No more earthquakes! Ever! Anywhere! I'll be a celebrity! I'll be on Oprah! Oh, I was meaning to ask you – what's she like?”

“She's nice. Little hyper off-camera... But – what happened to taking over the world?”

“Bah. What would I do with it? Well... besides shoot all the lawyers. And politicians. And television producers. Advertising executives. Those guys in the vests who stop you at road-construction sites kind of piss me off too...”

“This is probably better.”

“Def way better! Fo' shizzle!”

Kim giggled, “You... are insane...”

Another ball of goo disappeared through the Loop, but this time, Kim thought she heard a distant rumbling.

“What was that?”

“Ah, we're getting down to the last few mini-quakes, so they're getting closer. Don't worry though, the last one will be safely far away from us. Wanna set it? Just turn this dCabin knob here to zero. It's quite an honor for you, if I say so myself...”

Kim reached for the knob on the console, “To zero?”

“Exactly zero, yes. Good.”

“What's 'dCabin'?”

“Oh, a little joke of mine. What's the integral of dCabin over Cabin?”

“Math jokes... Uh... oh, wait. Log – no: natural log Cabin. By the sea. Okay, for a math joke, that's not so bad...”

“By the sea?” Drakken said, perplexed.

“Yeah. You know, the constant. The integral of dCabin/Cabin = ln(Cabin) + c. By the c. It's your joke, Drak...”

The goo-thrower was already pulled back, ready to launch the last sphere. “Oh... snap...” he said.

The catapult launched, and they both watched the purple ball disappear in a flash of blue light.

And all hell broke lose.

Chapter Text

First there was an ear-piercing CRACK!, followed by a a rumbling they could both feel in their bones. In front of them through the wall, they could see a purple blotch somewhere in the salt. It was growing.

“Dr. Drakken! What happened?” Kim shouted over the rumbling.

“Slight mis-calculation... I... uh... We should probably leave. The golf-cart would be-” Before he could finish the sentence, another CRACK! noise cut him off, and but this time they could see what made the noise: the floor was suddenly divided into regular two-foot wide squares, like tile – and they were moving. Every other square was rising up, while the others sunk down. There would be no driving over this...

“Run for it Kim!” Drakken yelled, and took off in the direction of the elevator shaft, far to distant to see in the now-dusty air. Luckily, the lights hadn't shut off yet.

Kim didn't have to be told twice. The purple blotch now covered half the twenty-foot wall in front of them, and the crystals of the floor were taking on a purple hue as well. The goo-goo was expanding along nanometer thick cracks in the crystalline structure of the salt, re-distributing stresses throughout the whole dome. Things were moving everywhere...

The unevenness of the floor made running difficult, like trying to run on a rail-road. They had to leap over the lowering squares, one at a time. It took a lot of concentration to make any speed at all. They couldn't spare a second to look anywhere but right in front of themselves.

Kim could have easily outrun Drakken even so, but, of course, she wasn't about to leave him behind. Whether he'd turned “good” - or not - that was not an option. She would endanger herself for his sake, running from a disaster that was his fault. It kind of pissed her off...

“What did you DO, Lipsky?”

Between pants, Drakken answered, “Forgot the... constant of... integration. Instead... of being far away... this quake is... right on top... of us...”

“In other words – you did it again...”

“Was in a... hurry! Had to... be sure... you'd come...”

“Why me?”

“You bring... the press...”

They ran on.

As they did, the floor began to level out, and eventually even the checkerboard cracks disappeared, as did the weird purple hue in the salt. The rumbling was still going on, but this far away the lights of Drakken's console and workstation could barely be made out as a bright patch in the haze of the distance. Things felt a lot safer here, at least. Drakken had to stop and catch is breath. Kim, looking back, wondered about something:

“Hey Drakken – your stuff is still turned on back there. It won't, like, explode or anything will it? The loop thingy was still energized too.”

“Oh, don't worry about the Loop” he said, pausing for a few more breaths, “It was calibrated specifically for the goo-goo spheres. Anything else tries to go through will just short out the phi-delta phase coils.”

“Yeah, well... I'd still feel better if we could unplug it or something. Where's the power cable? Up on the ceiling?” Kim always looked forward to using the GJ toys – the new, improved piton-gun, for instance would be just the thing to pull her up to the ceiling, and maybe the lipstick laser would make a handy cutter.

“Oh, the power cable from the mine's lights would never meet the needs of the Transporter Loop. I had to bring my own reactor for that.”

Kim considered that for a moment, then asked, “You mean as in nuclear reactor?”

“Well... it takes a lot of power to open an inter-dimensional tunnel-”

“Drew... you're telling me that there's an OPERATIONAL nuclear reactor back there?”

“Don't get so excited. You laymen are so ignorant about nuclear power! The fact is, they're perfectly safe!” Drakken rubbed his chin, “Well... once they're turned off, anyway.”

“Drew...”

“Well, uh... I was rather excited at the time..."

“You were scared shitless. How bad would it be, worst-case? Scale of 1 to 10.”

“I don't think it's reasonable to consider the worst case scenario when-”

“Don't play politician with me! 'Fess up.” Kim said sternly.

“Uh, well... maybe... eight?”

Kim made up her mind what she was going to do with her customary speed, “I'm going back.”

“Kim! Are you mad?” he asked, but Kim was already off.

“What?” she yelled over her shoulder, “Saving the world from one of your dumb schemes? It's just like old times!”

That hit him where he lived – in the ego – so he humphed and crossed his arms as he watched her run back. The rumbling seemed to be quieting down, the anxiousness wearing off with it. As he watched her back slowly receding into the distance he noticed something. The pillars of salt that supported the ceiling – they looked funny. They seemed... almost twisted somehow, the light refracting through them was skewed. That was odd. Salt doesn't twist... well, a twenty-foot tall column of crystal might twist a LITTLE, but -

While he thought about it, one of them seemed to explode into sand. Pebbles, grains, and dust flew from where it had been, and shortly there was nothing but a pile of granular salt where the pillar had been. Then another pillar exploded, in front of Kim's position this time. Then two more – one of them only 30 yards away from Drakken himself.

“KIM!” he shouted as loud as he could, but with more of the columns exploding, it was doubtful she'd hear. He tried to yell again, but ended up coughing from inhaling a lung-full of salt-dust. As he coughed, he noticed something else – the ceiling too, now, was divided into squares, but these squares were at least half a football field wide. That might not be a good sign...

Another nearby column exploded, and Drakken had to leave – the salt dust was too chokingly thick. He headed back towards the still out-of-sight elevator, hoping that it still worked.

Kim managed to dodge the exploding columns and make it back to the relative safety of Drakken's work area. Apparently wherever the purple goo had spread was safe – in a relative way. The tables and chairs were of course tipped over, and the Transporter Loop had indeed shorted out when the catapult apparatus had tried to slide through it. But the console lights were still on – and there, behind the console, was the the tiny reactor, judging by the radiation signs and DANGER! stickers all over it.

Ten sausage-sized poles stuck out of the top, with regular, measured markings on the sides, and red handles on the top.

Red. Did it mean “danger” or “safety”? Kim wished now she'd taken the time to ask Dr. Drakken just how to shut the damn thing down. She'd sort of assumed there'd just be a big red button, or switch that said “OFF” or something, but no. Except for a panel of gauges and dials, and a cable snaking out of the side, there were no controls on the thing at all. Just those red handled poles.

Pull them out, shove them in, or turn them – that was the question.

While she considered her options, she heard a strange, high-pitched screaming noise behind her. She looked.

Nothing there. Yet the noise went on... A barely-audible squealing. It was hard to locate the source – it seemed to be coming from everywhere. And yet, nothing seemed to be going on... Wait. Was the ceiling divided up into blocks like that before? Seems like she would've noticed that... and why were some of the blocks just a little lower – she couldn't be sure – yes, some of the blocks were just a little lower than the others. Wait a minute. Okay, that one there was noticeably lower than – oh my god, they're falling! The ceiling is falling down in giant blocks! I'll be- ... First things first – she had a job to do. Get a grip Kim. Push, pull, or turn. Gotta shut this thing down...

Her brain going a mile a minute, she re-hashed everything she knew about nuclear power: Uranium. It gets hot when the reaction happens. But it's not ALWAYS hot – they control how hot it gets... with those rods, I bet. But which way!? Okay, the uranium atoms split when neutrons hit them. And when they split, they GIVE OFF neutrons. That's the chain-reaction. So to stop that, you gotta get rid of the neutrons. Otherwise it'll go on forever – melt it's way to China. Those rods must be neutron-suckers. Or... are the rods the uranium, and something down under them sucks neutrons. no, that wouldn't make sense. That would mean there's uranium in those rods I'm looking at sticking out of the box. They'd be zapping me. And him. That'd be stupid. Of course, this IS something Dr. Drakken built... nah... nah, he's not THAT dumb. He just makes mistakes. He's not an IDIOT. So they MUST push in! My chances of being right are about 50/50.

Those odds had been working in her favor lately.

She pushed each of the rods in as far as they would go. It even felt like the right thing to do, although she had no idea why.

The lights of the console flickered faded. Proof enough. Time to go, Kimmie!!

The movement of the ceiling blocks seemed to be getting faster the more they lowered. What with the blocks in the floor and he cumbersome running, she couldn't very well keep an eye on the ceiling without stopping. After maybe five minutes of running she stopped to re-assess the situation.

She wasn't going to make it. Well, she might – if the falling of the roof-blocks didn't speed up any more, and if the blocks didn't extend any farther than where she'd left Drakken, and if she got a move on immediately and ran faster than she had so far, and if-

That was too many ifs. Kim turned around. She made it back to the area next to east wall and watched her route back to the surface slowly become closed off by tens of thousands of tons of solid, crystalline salt. The lights went out.

“And this sad event in the news,” the National Public Radio anchor man said, “teen hero Kim Possible is missing and presumed dead in a mine disaster on Avery Island, Louisiana. Apparently she had-”

That was all Will heard in his office before the alarms started going off. He could guess why. Shego had a habit of listening to NPR news as well. She'll be going ape-shit about now... Damn! If I know her, she'll probably – yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she will... Yeah! Okay, listen up you green bitch – I know there's no talking to you right now, he jumped out of his chair and lept for his office door, but if you can get TO ME, I'll get you to HER! Deal?

Shego slid into the broom-closet – another correct guess - and looked around while listening to the guards running towards her apartment. Ah yes, an air-conditioning duct. Of course. Always air-conditioning ducts... oldest trick in the book.

There were a lot of tricks in Shego's book, and she'd used them all by the time she got to the top of the Admin building, where she knew there was at least a helipad. And lo! There was a chopper on it – but she didn't pause to consider her luck. Besides, someone was already warming it up, it seemed. No time to lose.

She ran across the roof to the helipad – zig-zagging slightly in case anyone might be watching her through a sniper-rifle scope, and jumped in.

Will was there. He appeared to be ready to go somewhere.

“Out” she commanded simply. Right now, Shego had no time for pleasantries.

“Sit down, strap in, and shut up, Shego. I'll take you.”

“I don't have time for this shit Will! Remember that line I never cross? I'll cross it now. I kid you not. Get the fuck out.”

“One: you can't fly this particular chopper. Look at the controls. See a throttle? No. See a collective stick? No. Did you happen to notice a tail-rotor when you got in? It doesn't have one. I can only guess how you feel, Shego, but ya gotta let me do this. You'll blow yourself up trying to fly this thing.”

“Will... I'm not fucking joking here...”

“I know. I know you're not, Shego. Try to calm down. Think about what I said. We're going. Now.” The prototype chopper lifted into the air so sharply that Shego was almost thrown to the floor. It was enough of a surprise to get her to at least take the time to consider her situation.

G-forces continued trying to slam her down, and then back, as Will set his altitude and course. Finally, when it was safe to let go of the back of the co-pilot seat, Shego climbed in it and buckled her harness. “You heard?” she said, still wondering if she was going to have commit her first murder.

“Yeah. Avery Island, Louisiana. That's where we're going.”

“In a helicopter? It can't possibly have enough fuel to-”

“It does. Trust me. This is one odd bird. And besides, seems to me you got nothing to lose.”

“You have something to lose if you're trying to pull something...”

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye as he adjusted the hydrogen peroxide flow valve, “We'll get there. Now sit down.”

She thought about that for a second, and decided to give him he benefit of the doubt. Meanwhile, she considered what to do next. Sit there?

“I... I can't just fucking SIT here!” she tried to shout at him over the roar of the blades as Will set the pitch for speed. He motioned for her to put her helmet on.

“I said I can't just sit here! Let me fly! Let me do SOMEthing!”

“You can navigate. Oh! And here, take the stick for a sec – now that we've got forward speed, it behaves just like a regular helicopter. I'm going to see what I can find out about the situation.”

Shego took her stick and searched the strange-looking control panel for a map-display, a GPS read-out, a fucking compass, ANY-damn-thing... “Navigate? With what? I see six dials – none of them have to do with navigating!”

“Yeah. Prototype, like I said. No radio, either, my Communicator is all we got. See the highways? Keep going east to the middle of Kansas, then turn right – that'll be I-35. We'll figure out the rest later.”

Shego flew, her mind still flashing images before her eyes that she was helpless to stop. This couldn't happen again! What? She looked up into the October sky, searching for blue patches amongst the gray, What is it you WANT from me? I did what I could do, and you're taking her away from me AGAIN!? What the FUCK?!

She tried not to think about it, to concentrate on the flying. Normally, she'd be double-checking her instrument cluster, but this time, she had no idea what the dials meant. Most of them were calibrated in kilograms-per-hour and dynes-per-square-centimeter. Fucking Euros and their fucking metric system.

“Okay, Shego,” Will said, after he'd unplugged from his Communicator and jacked his helmet cable back into the comm box, “Uh... maybe I should take the stick back. For awhile.”

“I'm just barely holding on to my sanity here, Secret Agent Man. Just tell me. Fast. Or else.”

“Right. Uh... apparently it's... I mean, she was sent to a salt mine on a place called Avery Island. Home of Tabasco. Dr. Director thought it might have something to do with some seismic activity that was detected-”

“Drakken” Shego interrupted.

Will hadn't really wanted her to figure that out yet, but apparently she'd put the pieces together anyway. “Yeah. Uh... his story is that he was trying to prevent a major-”

“I don't CARE what he was doing, or WHY he was doing it or even where the FUCK Tabasco comes from, Will!”

“Uh, oh yeah. He was setting off little miniature earth-quakes somehow. Apparently he mis-calculated-”

“Big fucking surprise.”

“- and the last one was right at the salt dome he was inside. Weird things started happening, and the ceiling of the room they were both in – at the lowest level – sort of came down. Kim had-”

“Sort of came down?”

“Dr. Drakken said it didn't 'fall', but just slowly lowered in a bunch of huge cubic blocks of salt. Kim went to shut down the nuclear reactor he was using as a power source. That's the last he saw of her.”

“So... she's trapped. Or...” Shego cut her thoughts before they could finish, “ So she's trapped. Got it.”

“Actually, it gets worse. Uhm, I'm taking the stick.”

Shego let him take control, as she stared out the window without seeing anything. Worse?

“Tell me...” she said calmly.

“They can't mount a rescue operation because the mine is filling with hydrogen sulfide gas. It's extremely poisonous.”

Shego closed her eyes. Of course it is. It's always hopeless, isn't it... Earthquakes, fire, floods... now collapsing mines and poison gas. What the hell is your PROBLEM? she thought, addressing one of the blue holes in the clouds, Are we not SUPPOSED to be together, is that it? Or... or is this your version of a test... or a joke... or something...

“On the other hand,” Will continued after a pause, “If she is trapped, there's a chance the gas can't get to her.”

She slowly opened her eyes and looked at Will. He felt a chill run down his body, making his hair stand on end.

“Yeah, right, Will. I'm sure that's what happened.” Her tone was... odd.

“I was just trying-”

“I know what you were trying. Look, I... Just leave me alone for awhile, okay? I... I need to... I need-”

“Okay.”

Shego turned her head the other way, looking out the side door of the helicopter, at the countryside passing underneath them. They were only about five thousand feet high, still low to make out cars and people and dogs and horses doing what cars, people, dogs, and horses did. None of them knowing – or caring – about what had happened to Kim Possible. She wondered why she should care, if they didn't. In fact, they wouldn't even care if she were to just open the chopper door and step out. It would be easy. She could do that.

And really, she should do that... before she finds Kim's body – or what remains of it – under a thousand-ton block of salt or lifeless in a chamber full of poison gas. Because if that happened...

Lift handle, open door. It wouldn't be easy, against the force of the wind, but she should be able to force it open enough to squeeze through. If not, well, she could just blast it off. Good ole Comet Powers, eh? How did other people get by without 'em? Only her and her brothers were “blessed” with Comet Powers... and she got the plasma. Plasma was great for destroying things.

Why couldn't she have gotten super-strength? Or the ability to clone herself – that'd be kind of fun – or grow as tall as the Sears Tower? Something... useful, something that could be handy for something other than destruction? But what she got was the Plasma. Another joke on her from above. Another sign. Is that it? Are you trying to TELL me something? Well how about if I don't care to play your little game, eh? Suppose I just ditch it all. Right now. You gonna stop me? I doubt it. Not this time. What're ya gonna do, put a hay-bale under me? Have me land on a big pile of cotton? I don't see no cotton down there... hay either. Looks like I finally gotcha, Big Guy. Suppose I call your bluff and just do it...

She put her hand on the door-handle.

“Shego...”

“Shut it, Will. This doesn't concern you.”

“Listen, I've been thinking-”

She light her other hand, bring her plasma up to her highest possible temperature. Will felt the heat. “Dead serious, Will. Shut it.”

Will stared into her eyes. Oh yeah, she meant it... She was serious. Kim was probably dead, and now Shego intended to follow her. But what if she was wrong? In her state, Shego probably hadn't thought of that. Did he dare bring that up to her? The Most Dangerous Woman in the World was the Most Angry She'd Ever Been. Not a good time to say something unless you were sure that...

Then Will realized that he was sure. Weird. He was absolutely spot-on confidently sure that this is what he should say, plasma or no plasma, insane glare or no insane glare. He'd have to think about that later, though, because Shego was pulling the handle.

“What if you're wrong, Shego? What if she's down there waiting on you?”

Shego froze, but her hand still flamed. Will went on. “I mean, she's trapped down there by god knows how much rock and-”

“Salt” Shego interrupted, her mind beginning to work again. The plasma snuffed out.

“Yeah, salt – whatever. Miners would have to dig through it. Maybe blast their way. It might take days or weeks. But you... you have another way, don't you... you could melt your way through, right?”

“The gas-”

“Scott Air Packs. Like SCUBA gear for fires and haz-mat places. The mine will surely have 'em... all firemen have 'em. We'll have to bring along one for Kim, for when you break through, and-”

“We?”

“Yeah. 'We'. What, you thought I was just dropping you off, then back home and watch it on the news? Give me a little credit, Shego. Good guys aren't like that.”

She took her hand off the handle and went back to staring out the windshield. There was one little problem with his happy little scene -

“And what if I'm right, Will. Huh? Answer that one.”

“Well... then if I know you – and how it is with you two – you'd be joining her shortly anyway. Although frankly I'd have never thought you'd be such a dip-shit. Bad things happen, and life goes on, Shego. Just how it is.”

That got her attention. She'd heard that argument before – from Kim, rationalizing her fear of being “known” as being “with” Shego. And now, her mind cleared by the very intensity of what she'd felt only a moment before, she realized: yeah, things just are like that. Some things. A lot of things. But you can't let it beat you down, Kimmie... sometimes ya just gotta roll with the punches. You oughta know that.

I oughta know that.

It looked like some sort of major city was coming up. Shego had cleared her mind now, not quite with Kim Possible-like clarity, but the most sane she'd been so far, anyway.

“Isn't that Houston? Or is it Dallas... We're going to need a map.”

“A map? Wouldn't you rather just ask for directions?”

She looked at him incredulously, “You have no idea how close you are to getting your ass blasted out that door, Secret Agent Man...”

“I think we should stop and get a map” he said.

The mining company did in fact have Scott Air Packs on hand. But only two, and only four bottles of air. Will had the Fire Chief scour the nearby fire stations for more – as many as he could get. Meanwhile, Shego got a lecture about the hazards of H2S, hydrogen sulfide.

No one's sure, but it comes from oil, somehow. Especially in oilfields undergoing what was called “secondary recovery”, meaning that the oil isn't coming out on it's own anymore, and to get it out, you have to put something in. Usually carbon dioxide. Whatever the case, it stinks like rotten eggs. Which isn't exactly deadly – but that's a very, very low concentration. In concentrations above about 2%, one wouldn't smell it at all anymore because it would kill the sense of smell entirely and permanently with the first sniff. Then it would kill you. Then she was told something that worried her:

“... it's also explosive in any concentration between 4 and 44%. Any spark or open flame will set it off. Very reactive with oxygen. So-”

“What's the concentration in the mine?”

“Hard to say” the fireman said, “it has the mine's gas sensors pegged. So more than 30% anyway. No way to tell without going down there. But the mine people say their seismographs are still showing activity, and we're not about to go down-”

“Hold on. So you're saying that it's not explosive anymore in concentrations above 44%? And you know that it's at least at 30% in the mine?”

“Uh, yeah, right on both counts. Probably more at the bottom level. It's a heavy gas. Why, what are-”

“Keep your people out then” Shego said, and raised a hand to demonstrate her power, “See this? 14,000 degrees Fahrenheit. More in short bursts. I'm gonna use it to tunnel through the salt. If you're wrong about the exploding part... well, let's hope your not.”

“Shego!” Will shouted, running over to her, “Okay, we have an idea where she is. What we don't know is how much salt is between us and her. But Drakken said that the in the area he was... working... or whatever, the salt looked purple. He didn't know if that had anything to do with the ceiling falling or not, but there's a distinct possibility that where Kim is is more stable than the part that fell down. We got a chance here!”

“I'll be going down alone Will. Help me get suited up.”

“The hell you are.”

“The gas is explosive, you idiot! But it might not blow up if the concentration is high enough. Which no one knows. You wanna take that chance?”

“That's what I'm paid for, Shego! That's why I get the big bucks.”

“Doy! You're such a... cop!”

“And yer a bit of a bitch, ain't cha... Here, hold this while I get my arms through.”

“Okay, Shego. When the buzzer goes off, it's time to head back!” Will shouted through his face mask as the elevator began its descent.

“How long do these bottles last?” Shego asked, also yelling.

“About half an hour – maybe a little more for you, being a woman! Less if you're under stress!”

“Less if we have to keep screaming like this too!”

“Press the face masks together!”

They pressed them together, looking something like aliens kissing.

“Can you hear me?” Will said at normal volume.

“Yeah, okay. Got it. Half an hour isn't very damn long, Will...”

“I know. This trip is just to see what we're up against. We'll have to come back for more tanks once we see what it's like down there. By that time, they should have more tanks we can bring down with us.”

“We're gonna have to change tanks while we're down there?” Shego asked.

“Supposedly, you can breathe the air inside your mask for awhile... but I'd hold my breath, if I were you.”

“You think of everything.”

Once they reached the bottom of the mine, Shego stuck her arm out to prevent Will from walking out while she studied the floor. Salt-dust covered everything, turning everything a ghastly yellow under the sodium-vapor lights - like a dusting of snow. And there were tracks in the snow. Drakken's, most likely. They lead east. That made sense. Check. She put her arm down and they began to follow them, Shego in the lead.

They walked a long time – it seemed longer to Will, and like forever to Shego. The lights near the elevator faded out in the distance behind then, so they used their flashlights. They walked on in silence. Eventually, they came to a crack in the floor going across their path, from which yellowish fumes lazily poured out and ran along he floor before dispersing into the air. Probably where the gas is coming from Shego and Will both thought.

Not far on the other side of that crack, they found the Wall. Drakken's footprints disappeared. Will's buzzer went off.

He tapped her on the shoulder and leaned in to touch face-plates. “We gotta go back. I'm half out of air.”

“Then go. I'm staying.” She turned and held up a hand, preparing to ignite. He grabbed her shoulder and spun her around again.

“Shego, your lungs may be a little more efficient than mine, but you don't have that much time, either! And I for sure don't have time to stand here and argue with you. Now come on. If you die here, what good does that do her, huh? We're coming right back. They should have more tanks for us by now. We'll carry as many as we can. You think about what you need to do. Okay?”

Torn in half by logic and need, she tried to think about what he'd said – but couldn't. So she did something surprising, to both of them:

She took his word for it.

He lead them back.

An hour later, they were at the wall again, each of them with two full tanks of air in their arms. Will's buzzer had gone off fifty yards before they got there, but he assumed there would be enough reserve built in that he could make it back. If not... well, maybe he could re-breath the air trapped in his mask for a while.. As long as I can get to the elevator and start it going up before I pass out, I should be okay, he thought.

They dropped their tanks on the ground, and Shego leaned in to talk.

“I'll give you until I'm out of air to get out of here, Will. Then I'm lighting up. If I blow up the mine, I guess you'll know it didn't work.”

“Negative. You start doing it now. There may not be time to wait. I'll take my chances. You know how to change tanks by yourself?”

“I can manage. Okay. I'd say 'stand back', but I don't think it'll make much difference. Here we go.” She broke contact and faced the wall. She held out a hand, soon enveloped in red plasma because of all the sulfur in the air. She looked at it in wonder for a second, until she figured that out.

The mine didn't explode. Will tried to calm himself, and turned to leave – he didn't have time to be a spectator.

The plasma around Shego's outstretched hand formed into an ellipse, the narrow end away from her palm. Slowly, it lengthened, until it was burrowing into the salt face. The salt melted and ran like liquid metal. Towards Shego's feet.

She cut her plasma and jumped aside to avoid it. Damn. This wasn't going to be so simple after all. It was going to take some engineering. That salt was going to need somewhere to go...

Like that crack in the floor, a little ways back. Yeah. She could melt a canal, of sorts, from here to there, and – wait. Better start at the crack, and work her way here. Otherwise she was going to have the same problem all over again. Fine. More time wasted. Her buzzer went off. Half-way on her air. She ran back to the crack and started carving.

Will didn't pass out in the elevator, but he was inhaling his own breath by the time it reached the surface. He clawed the mask off and took a deep breath. He'd carried only two bottles down this trip. That was unsatisfactory. Maybe he could load up the elevator, at least saving the time it took to go up and down. Shego had enough air for probably an hour longer – did using her plasma make her tired? He didn't know. Nothing about that in her dossier... No matter. Work to do.

Well, it wasn't quite the load of tanks he'd hoped for. Five more. Apparently the volunteer Fire Departments of the nearby little towns didn't have the budget for many Scott Air Packs, they were going to have to go all the way back to Lafayette to get them. It would be awhile. He hoped they showed up before Shego ran out, because it was going to be hard to get her to come back out of there again. And even if she did, he didn't imagine she would be able to just sit around and wait. She'd probably start looking for Drakken and revenge. That would be bad.

By the time he got back to Shego, she'd carved a six-foot diameter tunnel twenty yards into the solid salt. A little river of molten salt ran down from her “plasma torch” down into the gully, which she straddled as she cut. He dropped the two tanks and extra Air Pack at her position. It occurred to him that he wasn't going to be able to keep bringing the new tanks all the way there anymore: he'd have to start changing his own tanks in route to be able to do that. More air for him, less for her. Shego was just going to have to return to the entrance of her tunnel for fresh tanks from now on. And the farther she went, the more time she was going to spend walking, and the less cutting...

Next time he came to the Wall, he just dropped the bottles there, and race-walked as calmly as he could back to the elevator.

The Fire Department had managed to round up twenty more Scott Air Pack tanks when Will returned to the surface. Several firemen volunteered to help Will shuttle bottles, and he considered letting them – then it occurred to him, they would need bottles themselves. So that plan was out. Will was also informed that they intended to set charges at the entrance of the mine before the H2S gas filled it and began spilling out the top. That would still be awhile, ten our so hours, it looked like, but they thought they should tell him. They asked him to place the charges. He took them, and said that he would do it – on his last trip up. At least he had an elevator full of tanks when he went down again.

Hours later, Shego had melted a tunnel almost half a mile long through the salt. And still no sign of it ending. She would run to the entrance for a fresh tank of air, and then run back to the end of the tunnel to melt as much as she could before her buzzer went off, and then repeat the process. She had another Air Pack, with a full tank, at the working-end of the tunnel, but that was for Kim. Shego dared not use that one. Getting Kim out of there on only tank for her – and whatever was left in Shego's tank - well, she tried not to think about it.

She'd never used her comet-power for this long a stretch continuously before, and it was tiring – something she hadn't known. She'd only been cutting for a little more than eight minutes this time before her buzzer went off. She was beginning to hate that sound. She cut her plasma off completely – usually she kept it on at 'cool' to use as a light, but this time it just seemed like such a relief to finally be able to turn it all the way off. The yellow river of molten salt gave her enough light to see her way back.

Then something caught her eye. She thought she saw something flash in the salt in front of her. Probably just molten salt dripping in the hole – no, there it was again. And again. A faint flash of blue. Blue? Another one! It was longer than the others had been though. Shego began to count: - again with a long, then another long, pause, short, short, short, pause, long, long, long, pause...

Like Morse Code. Which all pilots are required to learn. The simplest 3-element letters - “O” and “S”...

S-O-S!!

“KIM!!” Shego screamed uselessly into her face-mask.

There would be no going back for tanks now.

She cut for five more minutes, then paused to watch again. Yes. The flashes were more distinct now. Still obviously a lot of salt to go, though. Shego fired up for more.

Ten minutes later, the flashes were concentrated and bright. The remaining salt must be pretty thin. Now there was going to be a problem, though. She knew from Will that Kim didn't have an Air Pack in there – her air was good. Shego's environment was deadly. And as soon as she broke open that wall, Kim's chamber would be flooded with deadly gas. Probably in the explosive concentration, too.

Shego was going to have to blast the remaining wall between them. Hopefully – hopefully – her plasma would dissipate before the incoming rush of oxygen allowed the gas to ignite. Then she was going to have to rush in there like she'd never rushed before and get Kim's Air Pack on before she even took one breath.

She was going to have to communicate. The same way Kim was. Shego hoped she could remember enough code to do that...

Kim kept flashing her laser at the wall, but the strange red glow had stopped for awhile now. Something must be going on back there... it had never stopped for so long before. Perhaps they were preparing to break through! She'd better get out of the way...

Standing to one side, she stared at the wall waiting for something to happen, and wondered about the bright red glow. She expected them to use mining equipment, or dynamite, or something. Not fire! Well, obviously it wasn't fire... but some kind of torch. Too bad Shego wasn't here – she could have just melted her way through. But Shego's glow was green, not red. Too bad. Note to self: DO NOT go ANYWHERE without Shego AGAIN!!

It was a lesson she'd learned before, but hadn't remembered.

Suddenly the wall flashed red, but just as suddenly stopped. Then flashed again. And stopped. Ah, they're talking to me! Okay... e, e, e, e, d, o, n, t, b, r, e, a, t, h, e, pause, pause, (don't breathe?), pause, e-e-e-e-e, pause, t-e-e-e-e (huh? Those aren't words...) pause, t-t-e-e-e, pause (oh!, that's right, uhm... 5, 4, 3), t-t-t-e-e, (2 – I was right!), pause, t-t-t-t-e, (oh my god...), pause, t-t-t-t-t, pause -

Kim took a deep breath and covered her eyes.

The wall blew outward.

Chapter Text

The force of the blast knocked Kim to the floor as red-hot salt filled the air. That must be why they told me to hold my breath. Well, it should be-

“DON'T BREATHE! KIM! DON'T BREATHE! POISON GAS! POISON-” Shego screamed at the top of her lungs through her mask even before she saw Kim lying on the floor, her arm still across her face. Would the gas hurt her eyes? Shego didn't know. No reason to think it wouldn't... “KIM! It's me! Don't open your eyes! I have a mask for you!”

She knelt down beside Kim, “Don't open your eyes, and don't breathe until I say so! Nod if you understand!”

Kim nodded, still amazed that Shego was even there. Shego removed Kim's arm from her face, but Kim kept her eyes squeezed shut. Then she felt the cold rubbery seal of the mask pressed against her face. Good, so she was safe now? So why didn't-

Her un-formed question was answered as she felt and heard air being forced into the mask sealed against her face, blowing out the sides. Of course, the mask would have to be purged. Hurry it up, Doc... I can't hold it much longer...

The purge stopped and Shego said, “Okay, Red. Try breathing now. Just a little. If you smell rotten eggs, stop and... uh... nod your head or something...”

Kim let out some of her held breath, and cautiously inhaled through her nose. It was horribly difficult not to just let her breath go and suck in a fresh lungful, but she managed. She could do anything. No smell. She opened her eyes, and looked through the plastic at Shego's face.

“No smell?”

Kim nodded.

“Okay. Go on Red. Breathe for me. Careful about the seal on the mask though, I'm just holding it against your face right now.”

Kim exhaled as fast as she could and took in a great spasm of air. Her chest had just begun to hitch, and she repeated the process three more times before she could speak. When she did, all she said was- “Doc?”

Shego couldn't make it out very well, but she could see Kim's lips move. “Yeah. Look, Kim, I gotta get these straps around your head now. Can you hold your hair outta the way? Not a lot of time to talk here... we got a long way to go and... well, no time to chat. Okay... lemme just get this through here... Okay, and pull it tight – yeah, like that. One more, front and center. Good. Feels tight?”

“Yeah.”

Shego held the pack while Kim stood up, and then she helped Kim get her arms through the loops. Finally, Kim was safe. Well, for what it was worth. Shego's buzzer had gone off a good fifteen minutes ago. She had maybe twenty minutes left – probably less - and the tunnel was going to take half an hour go get through. Not good.

At the end, there might be fresh tanks. If Will had left any there. If Will had found some.

“We gotta go, Kim. I'm gonna run out of air before long – so I can't talk much. I'm going to try and calm myself as much as I can. Okay, let's go.”

Shego grabbed one of the lanterns that Kim had brought – she didn't dare light her plasma in there - and led Kim by the hand through the blast hole and into the tunnel. They walked casually, almost like strolling, but with very long strides. Since Shego was trying not to talk, Kim refrained from asking her any questions, although they flooded her mind. As relieved as she was that Shego was there now, Kim was still surprised that they seemed to be all alone. No rescue-workers, no machinery. Just Shego.

Kim smiled to herself. Shego - Don't leave home without it.

Kim didn't know what Shego did – that they didn't have enough air to make it, even with Kim's previously full tank. That purge had used up... a significant amount of air. How much? Another thing Shego didn't know.

Maybe she should turn her air off, and re-breath the mask air until she couldn't stand it anymore. Would that make it last longer – or would she just end up breathing all the harder once she turned it back on... Should they run? Should they hold their breaths? Hadn't anyone ever thought about this before? Her advice form the fireman had been “breathe normally”. Great. Lot of help that was... Wasn't she supposed to be trying to calm herself? Another idea that wasn't working out too well...

Before long, Shego's regulator began to stutter. She stopped. She was going to have to think of something now. Her breath was already getting faster as she began began to re-breathe what was in her mask.

“Doc?” Kim said anxiously, “Are... are you out of air? Okay. Okay... don't panic. Look, uh...” Kim was momentarily stunned by the rapidity of the changing situation. Shego was already gasping for oxygen from the stale air in her mask. It didn't take long. Cut off her oxygen, and even Shego will panic. Even Kim would have. “Okay, we'll have to take turns breathing on my tank, right? Okay... so, uh... this hose here...” She pointed to the outlet of the second-stage regulator at her waist, “It has a quick-disconnect thingy. No, wait... it has two! Okay, they already thought of this. Here, you plug your hose into my regulator, right? Try to keep the end covered while you do it, so no poison gets in. Ready?”

Shego nodded. It was risky, but she needed to breathe... although, really, it wasn't going to help them for long. And the longer they stayed there, the less good it was going to do anyway. But that was all academic: right now, she was desperate for air. She unplugged her hose and shoved it onto Kim's regulator.

Ah, blessed oxygen... she tried to force herself not to gasp, to try and conserve it. Kim probably didn't have enough air to make it out herself – and now Shego was breathing it too. It was hopeless. They would never make it out of that tunnel. Unless Will were to deliver new tanks to them in there – and if he did, he would never make it back to the elevator.

“We're not gonna make it, Red. I'm sorry...”

“Don't say that. C'mon. And stop talking.”

But Shego had gone through too much, too fast, and the constant use of her plasma had made her too tired. At least they were together, this time. Maybe that was enough. Maybe that was what the Note-Taker in the cathedral, the barn, and the sky had in mind all along. “Kim...”

The resignation in Shego's voice was clear to Kim even through her face mask. “Doc! You listen to ME for a change! We do not give up! If we go, we go fighting, not standing here waiting to die! You understand? We DO NOT GIVE UP!!”

Kim began walking, forcing Shego do to the same, tied as they were by their air-hoses.

Shego walked sullenly, her mind filled with one word: we. If “we” were going to die, she'd really rather just get it over with, maybe say a few parting words – there were so many things she'd like to say, now – and then pull the masks off, get in one last kiss, and then take their final breath. Together. A nice goodbye, that was all Shego really wanted. Kim was ruining it with her damn “die fighting” attitude.

Still... that's what made her Kim Possible. The Girl Who Could Do Anything. If Kim were more like her – like Shego – well... maybe some things would be easier. But she wouldn't be Kim, would she... Kimmie. Princess. Pumpkin.

Red.

Less than ten minutes later, Kim's regulator started making the dreaded noise. And they still couldn't see the end of the tunnel.

“Kim... Stop. It's over.”

Kim tried to break into a run, but Shego held her back. It wasn't easy. The red-head had her mind fixed on going on, on, on down the tunnel, and she simply would not stop until Shego stepped in front of her. “It's over, Red. Listen - I want to say something. I... I'm glad we're together.”

Already beginning to pant – and desperately trying not to – Kim said, “It's not over! It's NOT!”

Shego pulled her into a hug, which Kim resisted only for a second. Her face mask buried in Shego's hair, Kim Possible finally gave up. It was a first.

“I love you so much, Shego...” she said, barley able to keep herself from gasping.

“Me too” Shego replied. All the things she wanted to say, and that was all she got out. They didn't have time to do more – their gasping precluded any last-minute declarations of feeling. Too bad.

Ready for... our last kiss?” Shego paused for a couple of fast breaths, “Let's take... these masks off...”

Kim backed away in order to see her wife's eyes. Yes, she was ready for that. That would be... good. She grabbed the hose at the bottom of the mask, preparing to lift it up off her face. Shego did the same.

“On three,” Shego said, “One. Tw-”

“Wait! Sh- Shego! Look!”

A light. Coming their way. Bobbing up and down.

Will was running as fast as he could with two 75 cubic foot tanks in his arms. 30% bigger than usual. As he'd entered the tunnel, he'd seen Shego's lamp, but then saw it disappear as Shego had fought to stop Kim. All he knew was that it was a bad sign – he couldn't see their bodies. Really, he had no idea just how far away they were, or that there were two of them at all. But something told him to hurry. Actually, whatever it was, something told him to FUCKING HURRY!

Shego saw too. “Oh... my... god...” she said between gasps.

“Quiet... place... Shego...” Kim said, trying to tell her to become as Zen-like as possible. Whoever it was was still a long way off.

“Yeah...”

They were both breathing as fast and deep as they could now, and it was just physically impossible to stop. But anything would help, so maybe it was mentally possible to do something.

Shego thought of the memory she'd had only a few nights before – lying in the fall grass, watching the shooting stars with Kim. Cool, quiet... pleasant. Kim asking her if she were gay. Heh. Well, things change I guess, Pumpkin. Ya never know. The stars were pretty...

Kim thought too: a winter day, snow outside, her at her desk. Watching Shego through her office window as she trudging towards the greenhouse. Just watching her – the way she moved, the way the wind blew her hair. Listening to the clock ticking on her desk. If only moments like that could last forever...

Shego began to collapse on weak knees, and Kim followed her down until they were on the floor sitting on their heels, eyes closed, each seeing things only they could see. Their chests heaved uncontrollably.

Kim blindly reached for Shego's hand and held it.

They collapsed.

“Shego! Kim! Wake up! Shego!”

The human body has an amazing capacity for self-preservation. When it runs low on oxygen, it begins to shut things down in order of priority: muscles go first – excepting the heart, then organs, and eventually even the brain. Everything is sacrificed to keep the heart beating, keep the heart alive. It is not a conscious decision. It can't be - people are too stupid to be allowed make decisions like that. The heart must live, above all else. That's just the way it is.

“S-Shego?” Kim said weakly. She had no idea where she was or what had happened.

“It's me, Will Du! Now be still – don't move for awhile, until you get your bearings, okay?” He turned his attention back to the other woman, “Shego! Wake up! I can see you breathing... C'mon!”

Slapping her face wasn't really an option with the face mask on, so he batted at her ears instead. “C'MON Shego! Wake the hell UP!”

“Will... god-dammit... I am going to fry your ASS if you don't stop that...”

Will stopped slapping her ears and leaned back on his haunches. She was awake. They were both awake. Holy COW that was close... can we not do this again? Whaddaya think? he thought.

“Shego?” Kim said, wondering why she was there.

“Red!” Shego answered back, turning to see her. They were still holding hands.

“Yeah, yeah, Doc and Red... Together again,” Will almost laughed, “Okay girls, you may have lots of time – but I don't. Let's see if we can get out of here now, eh?”

“SHEGO!” Kim yelled, finally remembering the “sitch”.

“RED!” Shego did the same.

“WILL!” Will shouted. Both women looked at him questioningly. “Sorry. Felt left out for a second there. C'mon,” he said, getting to his feet, “Let's see if you two can get up... Kim?” He reached out to help her up.

Neither girl's legs were working quite right, so with his arm around one on each side, the three of them stumbled toward the elevator.

They entered the elevator and Will lowered the safety-bar. He punched the button and the three of them started to rise out of the mine.

“Okay. When we get to the 100-foot level, we can take these damn packs off. The H2S hasn't made it that far yet, they tell me.”

“What are those things?” Kim said, pointing to some bright-orange, metallic-looking things on the floor that looked like chin-guards with spikes sticking out of the middle. They each had a wire to them, that lead to a single spool of wire sitting beside them.

“Shaped charges to close off the mine. Otherwise the H2S will eventually start spilling out at the surface. I'm getting off at the 50-foot level to set them, you girls go on up.”

“Good,” Shego said, “I never wanna see this place again as long as I live...”

They rode on in silence, each thinking their own thoughts.

Will stopped it and got out at the level he'd told them he would. It was so good to have the damn air-packs off... how long had he been wearing it, now? He watched as Kim and Shego continued on up, then went to work.

The girls were looking at the ever-widening circle of sunlight above them. They never thought they'd get out of there. And now here it came. Freedom. Life. Blue sky. They looked at each other.

Shego said, “Now, about that last kiss...”

“Hurry, before we reach the surface!”

They embraced. They kissed. Time stopped.

For them, anyway.

The Press had shown up, and the local auxiliary police force had been overwhelmed by their sheer numbers. The top of the elevator shaft was ringed with photographers, videographers, newsmen, newswomen, half a dozen gaffers holding their microphones-on-a-stick, newspaper men with notebooks and pencils – they were all there, waiting for the show.

They got one.

Kim and Shego, lost in their obviously passionate embrace, were still writhing and roaming for a long moment after the elevator had reached the top of its climb. They'd forgotten all about “before it reaches the surface”. They didn't even see the flashes from the strobes.

But then they heard the voices - “Kim Possible! How's it feel to be rescued by your lesbian lover?” “Kim! How long have you been sleeping with Shego?” “Ms. Possible – are you a homosexual?” “Does Global Justice know you two are lovers?”

In the crowd-mentality of the reporters, the questions just got more an more personal, sensational, and... ridiculous.

Kim dropped her arms and backed way from her wife, instantly aware of what had happened. She'd been caught. She'd been caught red-handed, in the act. In front of cameras. It was out. This was going to be Big News. No one was even asking if she was “all right”, or what had happened, or if she was “glad to be alive” - they didn't care about that anymore. They had a bigger story. She squeezed her eyes shut to make it all go away. It didn't work.

Shego only looked at Kim with pity. This was exactly what Kim hadn't wanted to happen – she knew that. These reporters with their damn questions were going to leave a mark on Kim - permanently.

“When did you two first start having sex?” “Shego! Are you aware that Kim isn't of legal age yet?” “Kim! What's it like being a lesbian crime-fighter?”

In the back of the crowd was Ron Stoppable. He'd arrived hours earlier, but what the shortage of air tanks, there hadn't been much he could do. Now, as he watched Kim almost visibly shrink before his eyes, he knew he had to do something... because, if nothing else, Shego was eventually going to get pissed and probably start throwing fire around the place.

“What's it like sleeping with a high school girl, Shego?” one of the reporters shouted.

That got her attention. Shego turned to the crowd as if noticing them for the first time. She did not look happy...

Ron Stoppable possessed a super power: “Mystical Monkey Power”. It was an... odd... kind of power. It's virtue lay in utter and compete randomness – such that it's wielder, Ron, could never know when he was about to use it – or even when he had. Quite often, it manifested itself by having his pants fall down around his ankles at critical times – just enough to completely change the situation. Perhaps Drakken would pause for a few seconds before setting off his Doomsday device – giving Kim the opportunity to hit the Self-Destruct button. Or perhaps DNAmy would glance and point at him while the business-end of an overhead winch slammed into her back. Always something.

As super-powers went, it as a fairly embarrassing one. But it did the trick. That aspect of Mystical Monkey Power never failed.

Ron had the faintest hint of an idea, and before he could even fully form the thought, and no doubt decide against it, he disguised his voice and shouted - exactly at a simultaneous pause in all the reporter's questions -

“Kim! Is it true that Shego's vagina tastes like mint?!”

The the entire herd of reporters did a double-take – who had said that? That was just incredibly low, even by their standards. An embarrassed silence followed, and no more strobe-lights flashed. Video cameras were turned off. That sort of thing... why, it made one ashamed to even be a reporter!

Even Shego's eyebrows shot up at that question. Who the hell had said that? Who the hell even would say something like that? Tastes like mint? What the HELL...

She looked at Kim to see how she was reacting, and found her just staring back in abject dumbfoundedness. Which Shego could understand... I mean, “tastes like mint”?

She couldn't help but smile faintly as she thought about it, and a single eyebrow went perceptibly back up.

Well? Shego thought.

Kim's forehead furrowed deeply, What the hell do you mean 'Well?' she thought back.

Then Kim felt an unbidden smile coming on. She should be angry – she knew that. She should be embarrassed, humiliated... She should have felt a lot of things. But... mint? It was just SO ridiculous! Her hand was on it's way up to hide the smile-that-shouldn't-have-been when she just exploded into a massive fit of trying-not-to-laugh laughter: “Pppppppssshhhhhhppppt!!”, she sprayed Shego with saliva in the process. Fuck... Mint? What the fuck?... Oh, WHAT the fuck!

Then, in full view of reporters, cameras, cops, firefighters, ambulance-drivers, and Emergency Medical Technicals, Kim embraced Shego again and went right on kissing her.

Mystical Monkey Power – believe it.

Epilogue: Houston, Texas, two years later.

“Good morning, Shego. Ready for another day of crime-fighting?” Will asked as she walked up to his car from the apartment she and Kim shared. Kim had left for class earlier.

“Mmph” Shego grunted. She was in no mood for Mr. Happy Morning Person right now.

“Ah,” Will said as Shego got into his Aston-Martin, “The usual, is it?”

“Yes it is. I swear to God, Will – it's too late for me but you can still save yourself. Turn gay now! Before you're trapped with a woman for the rest of your life! Doy!”

“Yeah, it must be rough.”

“Oh, do NOT patronize me, Secret Agent Man! You don't know what it's like! 'Oh, Doc, I just worry about you out there!', 'What if something happens to you?', 'Do you have any idea what it's like waiting for you to call? Wondering IF you'll call? I just don't know how-' awww shit. She's got the guilt-trip thing down pat, Will. Sometimes she just makes me... so... mad!”

“It'll be better once she gets out of college and joins up. I can guess who she'll get partnered with...”

“The buffoon?” Shego guessed.

“No, you idiot – you! She'll probably make it a condition of employment, if I know her. And you. Besides, Stoppable will probably be on tv somewhere. He's already beaten The Iron Chef, and he's still in cooking school! I mean.. the 'cheesy-shake'. Who would have thought?”

“Yeah, maybe it'll be okay eventually. Still sucks rocks now, though. Pull over. I wanna drive.”

“No, damn, way. This is my car, Shego. I don't even like being in a company car when you're driving...”

“I gotta work off some steam. Pull over.”

“Shego...”

“Who's teaching you more martial-arts than you knew existed, Will?”

“Well, you-”

“Who picked out your clothes and arranged the evening with Miss Manufactured Celebrity Tits-and-Ass Girl?”

“Okay, but that-”

“And how'd that date work out?”

“You can't hold that over my head forever-”

“Pull over.”

“Shego, if you so much as scratch my car...”

4 p.m. that day:

“We still have a couple of hours before we pick up Kim. I need a drink. Or three” Will said.

“We'll go to my usual place.”

“No, we'll go to my usual place! I can't believe you took me into a lesbian bar that time! I've never been so self-conscious in my entire life!”

“Hey, there were lots of girls around, weren't there? I thought you'd like that...” she smirked.

“Yeah, and I didn't dare look at ANY of 'em! My bar. You know the way.” Shego drove on, and eventually Will said, “Hey – Ever heard the one about a cop and a lesbian go into a bar-”

“Will, it was funny the first time. The second time was cute. The third time was sarcastic. Now it's just lame.”

He didn't say anything.

Shego relented, “Oh, go ahead...”

“And the cop said, 'I MEANT my gun!'” He laughed, even though he'd only told the punch-line, not the joke.

“Grow up, Will.”

“You're one to talk. Here we are.”

Inside, Shego saw that the new girl was tending bar again. She also noticed Will straightening his collar. “Now Shego, I'm trying something out here, no cop-talk, okay? And can you try not to look gay? It blows my cover.”

“What the hell do you mean-”

“Just cool it, is all I'm asking. Miss! JD rocks for me, please.”

After a short glare at Will, Shego place her order for Chivas. Neat.

Shortly, the new bartender brought their drinks, “Here's your JD, officer. Your scotch, sweet-heart.” She gave Shego a wink as she sat it down. Shego looked at her questioningly, but tried not to let Will see.

After she'd left to tend the other end of the bar, Will said, “Damn! How is it everyone knows I'm a cop! Nothing's showing... I'm not even wearing a gun... What IS it, Shego?”

But Shego's mind was elsewhere: sweet-heart? And she winks at me? What the hell...

“Excuse me a minute Shego. Little boy's room.”

After he left, Shego caught the bartender's eye and she came back over. “How'd I do?” she asked.

“Uh, fine, just fine. Here's your twenty. What was all that about 'sweet-heart', though?”

“What, you're hot, is all... I like to flirt with the lesbians. I'm bi myself, by the way...”

Shego blinked. “What makes you think I'm a lesbian?”

“Huh? I thought... oh. Uhm... nothing. My mistake. Sorry.”

“No, seriously. What is it? I really-”

“I – uh – gotta go get those guys another round of Buds, 'kay? I said I was sorry, all right? I have work to do.” She quickly turned and left Shego sitting there wondering if she had an “L” painted on her forehead or something.

When Will came back out, the bartender gave him a wink as he passed her. It was the easiest $40 she'd ever made.

That evening.

Will, Shego, and Kim watched from the wings as the announcer said, “And the Nobel Prize in the field of Physics goes to... Dr. Drew Lipsky, for his work in Extra-Dimensional Loop Theory. I might as well say at the same time, the Nobel Prize for Humanitarian Aid also goes to Dr. Lipsky for his wonderful Earthquake Prevention Method, with which I'm sure we're all familiar. Dr. Lipsky?”

Dakken stood up shakily from his table and nearly tripped on his way to the podium.

After all this time... after all the – well, the madness, here he was, being acclaimed by his peers for his genius. They were applauding! They were actually applauding!

“Uh... thank you Mr. Chairman” he backed away from the microphone as it began to squeal with feedback, “I, uhm, I've prepared a little speech...”

He thumped down a two-inch thick sheaf of papers onto the podium and looked at it. Everyone waited.

But he just kept looking at it. Two minutes went by and he hadn't said a word. He hadn't even moved...

Finally, Kim shouted at him in the silent auditorium, “Just take the statue and sit down, Drak!”

He glanced over at her in the wings, then back at the audience, “Yes. Yes, well, uh, thank you. Thank you all.” He turned and took a step back towards his chair in a daze, but then his eyes lit up, his face cleared. There was something he wanted to say, after all. He turned back to the podium:

“And most of all, I'd like to thank Kim Possible, without whose... help... Well, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her. I suppose I really am something of a madman, you see, but with her advice, at least I don't come across that way in my published papers. I only wish... well, I've wasted a lot of time. She's over there off-stage right now. Come on out here, Kim!”

Kim – with both Will and Shego pushing her – stumbled awkwardly out from behind the curtain. The crowd applauded.

When it died down, Drakken went on, “Kim, I just wanted to say something to you, and ask you a question. Here it is: Kim Possible – you really are all that. I'd be honored if you'd be... my intern.”

Kim rolled her eyes. What a way to get a summer job. “You're such a dork, doctor...”

“Now Kim, that may be true, but you don't have to tell everyone. Perhaps you could just call me 'Dr. D', for short?”

And late that night – under a full moon.

“You get anything yet?” Kim asked.

“Not yet. I sure hope the bad stuff is behind us. Dammit! When am I gonna ever get the wedding? That really pisses me off.”

Kim giggled, “Yeah, well, I... I uh... I...” her eyes widened, staring at Shego, “Oh. My. God. OhMygod... OHMYGAWWWWD!”

“What? What'd you get?” Shego asked quickly and with more than a little anxiety.

“Shego! Oh... you... oh! OH!”

“WHAT the hell did you GET, Red?!”

Kim could only stare at Shego a while longer while her mind reeled. Then her face flushed, so red that she looked almost dark-skinned in the moonlight.

“Ooooooh... something good, huh?” Shego chided.

“My birthday. My thirtieth birthday...”

“That night?”

“Yeah. Shego! You... you dirty...”

“I'd be careful who I'm calling 'dirty', Pumpkin. I just remembered a certain Valentine's day... And I gotta say – DAYUM, girl!”

The End