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You should've known, from the day that you met him. When you hadn't known what this meant and you hadn't known it meant everything, when you'd watched him see her.. But you hadn't wanted to look.
Yeah, I watch your eyes as she
Walks by
Oh, the way his eye sockets crinkled in mindless fascination, in awe, in adoration.. What a sight for sore eyes, you think to yourself miserably. You wanted him to look at you like that, you wanted him to adore you. Of course you did, you knew he was infatuated with another, but of course, you didn't care, and you got obsessed with the look on his face whenever he watched h e r . . . .
Brighter than a blue sky
He was your best friend. Your know-it-all, your safety, your protection.. There was no other like him, no other person that cared for you like him, none other than him who made sure you were safe, and reminded you that you were loved at the end of the day. He was yours, all along.
Your person. Your best friend.. The one who'd had you fall for him head over heels. He was yours in so many ways..
But, you think pathetically, you were never his.
She's got you mesmerized
While I die..
You kept on watching the, heh, couple.. Making out right in front of you, teeth on snout, however that worked. You didn't want to think too much about it because it h u r t, it hurt that it worked better than teeth on lips like yours.. It worked better, teeth on snout, captivating, like the whole world wasn't watching right now, like your whole world wasn't crashing down, down, d o w n . . .
Why would you ever kiss me? Droplets of tears stained your face, you couldn't stand it anymore. You tore your gaze away, far far away. Hopefully he would never see your lack of enthusiasm, your lack of happiness for him.. You feel dread and depression seep into your bones. Of course, you wanted to feel happiness for him, that he finally found his.. but you couldn't find that same happiness in yourself...
Because she stole it all away.
Before you outright bolted out of the room, you dared to take one last peek. Not at him, no, you couldn't even begin to handle seeing his happiness, a happiness that had nothing to do with you, but you wondered, always, you wondered, why her? Why Toriel?
What made her so special, so damn special, that he had forgotten about you? You tried so hard, tried to be his all like he had been for you, but it wasn't enough, was it?
So you searched for the answers, and as always, you find your answer immediately.
It was never enough.
I'm not even half as pretty, you laugh at yourself because, hell, how could you not? And then you snap your head forward, towards the door, swerving through the crowd of people hollering, cheering and being happy for the newest couple.
You couldn't even see through the cloud of tears, but it didn't matter anyways because all you saw.. You gave her your sweater, Sans, you think with a sorrow you can't handle, it's just polyester, you try to argue, pushing the door open to be met with fresh air. It's just polyester, it's just polyester, the same that he gave you once, you remember fondly, once he gave you his wonderful, warm signature sweater and said it had looked better on you than it did him.. But the imagine of her, with him, with his sweater around her shoulders..
It's just polyester, you try, but.. but you like her better..
And finally, you collapse.
Sobs shake your whole body. You couldn't feel the pain in your knees from the drop, only heat from the burn, missing the coldness of the snow, like the way he had tried to cool you with his wondrous hands when you had your fever or when you were moody and grumpy from the summer heat and he pranked you with a nice water bomb fight..
"Stop." You mumbled to yourself, "Stop stop stop stop.." You didn't want to think about him. But nowadays, everything was about him, always him, with his stupid puns and his soothing words and-!
"STOP!" You shouted, in vain, because how would anyone hear you? The ball dance was still on-going inside. Everyone was happy and no one even noticed you had slipped out to.. crumble...
It really wasn't ever enough, was it?
Pathetic.
Bile rose up in your throat and you haven't even sipped on a single alcoholic beverage because you knew he'd get hammered and.. you wanted to be there for him...
But that wasn't your job anymore, was it?
You should be happy for him. You should be in there, celebrating with him. But, you selfishly thought, you didn't want to do anything anymore.
You wish, desperately, that you could be everything he ever wished for, but.. that wasn't you and it never was.
You curled in on yourself and didn't even notice the cold seeping its way into your body because you had been numb to all but your grief and that burn to begin with.
And then the last thought before you closed your eyes announced itself in your head, through all the thoughts and feelings and bits and pieces and the same scenes played all over again..
I wish I were-!
Everything went black.