Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I think I killed your best friend.” 

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and Sunghoon waited patiently for the reply. 

“Come again?” Heeseung finally said. 

“Well, I’m not sure if he’s quite dead yet. I’m no doctor. But he’s definitely looked better,” Sunghoon explained helpfully, squinting at the boy lying incapacitated in the hospital bed. He covered the speaker of the phone with his hand. “This is definitely your fault,” he told Jay. “You’re the one who drove your motorcycle in front of my car.”

Jay did not answer. Sunghoon rolled his eyes. 

“Listen, Sunghoon,” Heeseung said hesitantly. “Please tell me this is a joke. I mean I know you two are sworn enemies, but it would kind of ruin my afternoon to hear that you’ve murdered him in cold blood.” 

Sunghoon scoffed. “Relax, they said he’ll be fine. It’s just that,” he glanced back over at the sleeping boy, “there’s a slight chance that his memory might be… impaired.” 

“Impaired?” Heeseung echoed. “What does that mean?”

“I’m sure that word is well within your vocabulary, Mr. Valedictorian,” Sunghoon huffed. A loud groan came from the bed. He snapped his head around. “Hello? Are you alive?” He frowned and grabbed Jay’s wrist, checking his pulse, though the action was quite redundant as the boy was very cleary stirring awake. 

Jay cracked his eyes open. “Mfgghgh?” he questioned. 

“Eloquent as always,” Sunghoon deadpanned. “Do you know who I am?”

Jay stared at him with wide eyes. Sunghoon squirmed under his piercing gaze. He was no stranger to intense battles of eye contact with the boy, though they were usually fueled with anger and pettiness. He waited for some flash of recognition, maybe a flicker of disgust that would confirm that Jay remembered who he was.

“Did it hurt?” Jay mumbled, still looking at him in awe. 

Sunghoon blinked. “What?”

A loopy grin bloomed on Jay’s face, and Sunghoon felt apprehension building in his gut. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

Sunghoon froze in shock, a ringing noise filling his ears, before he snatched his hand away and reeled backwards as though he’d just been burned. He picked up the phone again, his voice fueled with urgency. 

“Heeseung, come pick your idiot up. I can’t do this,” he said in a panic, and hung up. 

—

Sunghoon was many things. Petty, sarcastic, Anti-Park Jongseong, to name a few. And though people loved to tempt him sometimes, he truly was not a murderer, and this was something he took great pride in. 

Until Jay had to go ahead and find a way to fuck that up too. Another thing Sunghoon prided himself in being was a great driver. He never ran stop signs, made sure to slow down at yellow lights (most of the time), and had yet to flatten any pedestrians. But when the most colossal idiot in the world came roaring in front of his car on that monstrous death trap of a bike, there wasn’t much he could do, was there? 

He had about a half second warning which gave him just enough time to recognize the motorcycle and the reckless human it belonged to, before they were colliding with a sickening thump. 

Sunghoon squeezed his eyes shut, the airbag which had exploded from the steering wheel scraping against his cheek like sandpaper. His chest heaved as he struggled to draw breath into his lungs. 

He had just hit Jay. Jay who he hated with a passion, a feeling which was very mutual. Jay, who he had sworn to himself would be strangled with Sunghoon’s bare hands if he ever did give in to the urge to shut the boy up once and for all. But not like this. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He quickly dialed 911, calmly relaying which street he was on and informing them that there may be a person injured. 

With a groan he flung open the door, stumbling onto the road. With mounting trepidation he rounded the front of the car, preparing himself for the worst. The motorcycle lay off to the side, mangled and twisted and a few feet away, Jay was flat on his back. Sunghoon approached cautiously and kneeled beside him. 

The boy had a large gash on his forehead but he was definitely very much alive, blinking up at Sunghoon with dazed eyes. 

“You’re alive,” Sunghoon sighed in relief. 

“Oh thank god,” Jay mumbled. 

“You’re welcome,” Sunghoon replied. “I already called the ambulance, so try not to die before they arrive.” 

Jay squinted at him blearily. “Who the hell are you,” he said, before promptly losing consciousness. 

—

“Can I see him?” 

Sunghoon just had to be absolutely sure that he hadn’t killed Park Jongseong, and then he would be on his way. He wasn’t concerned about the boy or anything. It was just that he was too young to have blood on his hands. 

“Only family can visit for the first few days,” the nurse told him kindly. “What is your relation to him?” Sunghoon wracked his brain for an answer. 

“I’m his husband,” he blurted.

Fuck. The nurse’s eyes widened in surprise, eyeing him up and down, probably taking note of how young he looked. 

Sunghoon was starting to wish he had perished in the collision. He really had to stop allowing himself to be roped into watching dramas with his sister. What was next? Jay waking up with amnesia? 

—

“What did you just say to me?” Sunghoon spluttered. Jay looked at him uncomprehendingly, unaware of the ongoing damage he was invoking on Sunghoon’s sanity today. 

“Who were you on the phone with?” he asked innocently.

“Heeseung,” Sunghoon answered. “I don’t know if you remember him but he’s your best friend and roommate, and he’s coming to pick you up so I can be rid of you.” 

“Be rid of me?” Jay echoed, an unreadable expression on his face. “Is this your way of asking for a divorce?” 

Sunghoon choked on his spit. “Excuse me?”

“Because we’re married,” Jay stated confidently, as if he were reciting a well known fact. Sunghoon felt the heat rising in his face. 

“Who the fuck told you—” The realization hit him and he buried his face in his hands with a groan. “Look,” he said desperately, “It’s not my fault that your stupid ass decided to speed through an intersection in a residential area, and it’s not my fault that your memory went to shit. So just sit tight and wait, and Heeseung will—” His phone rang. 

“What?!” he snapped impatiently. There was the clearing of a throat, before Heeseung’s hesitant voice trickled in. 

“Sunghoon, by any chance, do you have extra space in your apartment?” Sunghoon felt dread fill his chest.

“Why,” he said emptily. 

“Well there was a break in at our place so me and Jake are staying at his parents’ place for a while… But I don’t know if—” 

“You want your brat to move in with me?” Sunghoon asked in disbelief.

“Well it’s not like you two are strangers, I mean you’ve known each other for what, like six years now? Plus, if his memory is really scrambled like you said, getting along might not be a problem!” 

Sunghoon could not believe what he was hearing. He had been having a perfectly pleasant day; then in the span of hours he had nearly killed his worst enemy, entered into an imaginary marriage, and was now being coerced into housing and feeding said person. 

“Hoonie?” 

Jay was still looking at him with wide, innocent eyes. Totally devoid of hatred or the usual condescension. It felt strange. Nostalgic. Sunghoon sighed. 

“As soon as your apartment is available again, I want him out.” Heeseung agreed readily and he ended the call, tossing his phone onto the bed in frustration. It landed against Jay’s knee with a muffled thump. Sunghoon stared at the pristine white blankets blankly, and wondered if he could avoid the whole situation by playing dead. 

“So how long have we been married?” 

Chapter Text

“Mr. Park?” 

Sunghoon and Jay turned towards the door to the room in unison. “Yes?” 

The nurse smiled awkwardly, glancing between them. “Oh, yes. I forgot that the two of you are married.” 

Jay shuffled around to prop himself up against the pillows. Sunghoon mindlessly placed a steadying hand on his shoulder as he shifted positions.

“It was quite a long debate, and we even considered hyphenating, but after a thorough discussion Sunghoon decided it would be more romantic if he took my last name,” Jay said proudly. Sunghoon glared at him. 

“I should have killed you.” 

“So you remember your husband now?” the nurse asked, surprised. She didn’t seem perturbed by Sunghoon’s words, and he figured she must have come across quite a number of married couples in her line of work. 

“No,” Sunghoon answered for him, “He’s just being an idiot.” As he said it, he realized he had no idea how much Jay really remembered. Obviously he had some idea of who Sunghoon was, but none of their tumultuous history was reflected in his eyes when the boy looked at him.

Sunghoon wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. It was easy to hate someone when the feeling was mutual. If Jay suddenly decided to treat Sunghoon with decency and respect, well… that was quite the obstacle to overcome. 

“Sunghoon-ssi?” His thoughts were interrupted. “May I speak to you outside?” 

—

“Insurance?” Sunghoon repeated, his mind blank. 

“Usually there would be a whole fuss of trying to figure out who was liable for the accident,” the nurse explained to him patiently. “But since you two are together, it shouldn’t be a problem.” She let out a wry chuckle. “I’m no stranger to the occasional lover’s spat but I can’t say I’ve ever run my spouse over with my car.” 

Sunghoon echoed her laughter nervously. “What can I say? He sure knows how to push my buttons.” 

He hadn’t even considered the matter of paying the hospital bill. He still remained firm in his stance that the accident had been Jay’s fault, but of course the law always sided with the person who had almost died. The brat had survived nearly bleeding out, only to insist on bleeding Sunghoon dry apparently.

He hesitated. If he gave them his information they would probably see that he and Jay were not actually married, and he’d be caught in a lie. 

“Can I pay the bill in cash?” he blurted. The nurse’s eyes widened, and once again she looked him up and down, taking in his cashmere vest and the expensive looking watch on his wrist. 

“Well yes, of course,” she answered with uncertainty. “If that’s what you would prefer. Would you like to talk it over with the other Mr. Park first?” 

“No thanks,” Sunghoon answered smoothly. “I’m still a bit put off with him for nearly making a murderer out of me.” 

—

Jay was discharged the next day, and Sunghoon grudgingly unloaded the boy into his car the way one would a sack of potatoes. 

“Ow,” Jay said dispassionately after Sunghoon had wrestled him out of the wheelchair and dumped him into the passenger seat. 

“I don’t wanna hear it,” Sunghoon grumbled. Jay merely looked up at him with those wide, clueless eyes again. It made him sick to his stomach. “Stop that,” he snapped. “It’s like kicking a puppy.” He slammed the door shut. 

“Are we one of those couples who always argue and act like we hate each other but have a closer bond than anyone?” Jay asked as Sunghoon slid in behind the wheel. 

“No,” Sunghoon answered bluntly. “We’re one of those couples who try not to kill each other in the night. Put on your seatbelt.” 

“Are you still grumpy that we didn’t hyphenate, Mr. Park-Park?” 

Sunghoon gripped the steering wheel tighter. It took all the willpower in his body to refrain from reaching over and wrangling the boy’s neck. The one thing that stopped him was the reminder that he had just dropped a few grand on the brat’s hospital bill, money that would be flushed down the toilet for nothing if he killed Jay now. 

“So,” Sunghoon said stiffly as he pulled out of the parking lot. “How much do you remember, really?” He had to set the record straight once and for all. He was tired of this awkward one sided dynamic they now had where instead of a fair fight, it felt like Jay had become his poor, defenseless punching bag.

Jay bit his lip, his brow furrowed as he tried to concentrate. “I remember pretty much the fundamental information about my life, I guess. I mean I know who you are. It’s just the details that get a little fuzzy when I try to sort them out.” Jay looked over at him, and his expression softened. “I may have lost the memories of our relationship, but I have this feeling. Like I know that you’re someone that I care about. And I know that I’m safe with you.” 

Sunghoon felt a pang of guilt rock his gut. He had just been plotting Jay’s murder in his head mere seconds ago. He exhaled deeply out of his nose, trying to compose himself. He would just have to tone it down, and at least try to keep up the pretense of civility. After all, this was hardly the Jay he knew and hated anyway. Against all odds, Jay had placed all his faith and trust in him based on some unreasonable instinct.

“And Heeseung? Any memories of him?” 

Jay snorted. “Of course. We’ve known each other since diapers, it’s hard to forget. It’s also hard to forget him being giggly and stupidly in love with his boyfriend, and them banging around in the kitchen at 2 a.m. when I’m trying to sleep,” he recounted sourly. 

“Well that won’t be a problem anymore,” Sunghoon muttered. “I’m pretty much convinced he just dumped you on me so that he and Jake could spend their honeymoon phase together in peace.” 

“And we can enjoy ours,” Jay crooned, fluttering his eyelashes. 

“Don’t flirt with me while I’m driving,” Sunghoon said in disgust. “I might just drive into oncoming traffic.” 

“We’re not actually married, are we?” Jay said bluntly. Sunghoon threw him a look of disbelief.

“You fucking think?” 

Jay shrugged. “I figured we’re a bit young but hey, it’s not unheard of,” he said. “I’m guessing they wouldn’t let you in to visit unless you were family.” 

Sunghoon nodded enthusiastically. Finally the charade would be over, and Jay would stop looking at him like a doting lover. “I just had to make sure you were still breathing,” he explained. 

“That’s sweet of you,” Jay said softly, and Sunghoon was horrified to see that the tenderness had yet to fade from his eyes. “We might not be married, but maybe one day, yeah?” he said with a light chuckle. “I’m just glad to have you here.” 

Sunghoon’s stomach plummeted to his feet. Jay still thought they were together. The boy he hated most in the world thought they were an item, and they were about to move in together.

He was beginning to wonder if he was the one who had died in the crash, and had descended into hell. 

Chapter Text

“Woah,” Jay said. 

“I don’t wanna hear it,” Sunghoon grunted, lugging the bag of Jay’s stuff over the threshold of the apartment. 

“I didn’t even say anything!” Jay protested. 

“You’re always wealth shaming me,” Sunghoon scowled. “It’s your favorite thing to do, to make fun of how rich I am.” 

Even as the words left his mouth, he realized how stupid and egotistical he sounded. It was true, though. One of the main reasons Jay despised him and constantly gave him shit was because of his status. Although this Jay looked more impressed by the hardwood flooring than anything. 

Jay looked around in amazement, taking in the space that was probably five times larger than his own shared apartment. “There is nothing shameful about this,” he commented, stepping further into the room. He gasped. “You even have a kitchen island.” 

“I use the kitchen a lot,” Sunghoon said casually. “I like to cook.” He cleared his throat. “I cook, you know. A lot. I’m pretty good at it.”

What the hell was he doing? Was he trying to show off? Had he become the conceited monster Jay thought he was?

Jay looked at him strangely, or maybe it was just plain curiosity and Sunghoon was being paranoid. “You don’t have a personal chef to do that sort of thing for you?” 

It sounded like just the type of thing Jay would mockingly say while rolling his eyes at whatever fancy boxed lunch Sunghoon pulled out of his bag that day. But there was no derision and condescension in his voice now. Just curiosity. 

Sunghoon walked over to one of the couches and dumped Jay’s bag down on it. “You can unpack after—” he turned around to be met with Jay’s retreating back, headed straight for his bedroom. “You!” he tried to scream, but it just came out as a choked off whine.

Regretting every step of his life that had led him to this predicament, he scrambled after Jay before the idiot could somehow find a way to vandalize his living space.

He walked in on a horrifying sight- Jay was touching his bed. He glanced over as Sunghoon walked in. 

“So which side of the bed do you usually sleep on?” Jay asked offhandedly, patting down the memory foam mattress in amazement. Sunghoon’s blood ran cold. Without giving a response, he dashed into the adjacent bathroom and quickly dialed Heeseung’s phone number, his hands shaking with nerves.

“Heeseung,” he hissed. “Please take him back. I’ll pay you. I’ll even throw in a complimentary gift basket.” He glanced over at the closed door in panic. He could hear the sound of soft thumping coming from the other side. If it were anyone else, he wouldn’t immediately jump to the conclusion that they were jumping on the bed. But it was Jay, and Sunghoon knew that it was a child he was dealing with here.

“What happened this time?” Heeseung asked, his voice shot through with amusement. Sunghoon could see how the situation might seem hilarious from an objective standpoint, but through his eyes, he was living his worst nightmare.

“He wants to… to…” He could barely force the words out. “He wants to share the bed!” 

There was a brief pause, punctuated by a loud snort. 

“And this is because he still thinks you’re in a loving, healthy marriage, correct?” Heeseung wheezed. 

“Well I clarified that we’re not legally married, but he still thinks we’re dating,” Sunghoon moaned. “I am not sharing a bed with this madman. God forbid he regains his memories in the middle of the night and smothers me in my sleep.” 

“This might be a wild idea,” Heeseung said, “But why don’t you just tell him the truth? That you’re not really boyfriends?”

Sunghoon hesitated. “Well…” he mumbled. “It’s better to just let him think what he wants. At least he’s being nice. I’d rather deal with a sappy idiot wearing Jay’s face than actually have to live with my worst enemy.”

“Sure, Hoon,” Heeseung chuckled. “I’m sure that’s the reason you want to keep up the little ruse.” His voice dripped with implication.

“I know you think you’re being cute,” Sunghoon said coolly, “But I really have no idea what you’re talking about, nor do I want to know.” 

“Sweet dreams,” was all Heeseung said in reply. Sunghoon stared at his phone in betrayal. The boy had hung up on him. 

When Sunghoon finally re-entered the room, he walked in to find Jay… fast asleep. He was lying right in the center of the bed, spread eagle and snoring softly. Sunghoon’s mouth fell open. He could hardly comprehend the audacity. 

“Get hit by a car once, and now all you can do is sleep, huh?” he said loudly. Jay didn’t stir. “I’ll have you know,” he said hotly, “that this will not become a regular thing.” He spun around, ready to make his dignified march towards the couch, feeling ironically like a husband in the dog house. 

He was halfway there when he paused. What was he doing? Was he really going to let Park Jongseong barrel into his life and jump into his bed, while he cowered away to spend the night in his living room? Hell no. Not on his watch. 

He whirled back around and stormed into his room, flinging the door open with a bang. Jay didn’t so much as twitch. 

“Are you pretending, or do you really just sleep like the dead?” he all but yelled. No answer. “Well, you asked for it.” 

Sunghoon backed up a couple of steps before taking a running start and leaping onto the bed, landing right smack on top of the sleeping boy who had occupied his space. 

“Unh,” Jay grunted. Sunghoon belatedly realized it was maybe not such a good idea to belly flop onto someone who had just been in a car accident. But oh well. He rolled off Jay and forcefully nudged the boy off to one half of the bed, making room for himself. 

Jay immediately drifted back towards him like a parasite, wrapping his arms and legs around Sunghoon’s torso. “Cuddles?” he mumbled. 

“I will kill you, you stupid koala,” Sunghoon snarled. “Get off me.” With a final shove, he disentangled himself and Jay flopped back onto his back before seemingly drifting back into sleep again. 

Sunghoon reached over for the light switch by the side of the bed, turning out the light. He closed his eyes for a few minutes, trying to find sleep himself, before he jerked awake with a realization. 

“Jay,” Sunghoon whispered. “Are you sleeping?” He heard a barely audible hum in reply to his question. “Did you brush your teeth?” 

“I don’t have a toothbrush on me,” Jay mumbled. “I’ll pick one up from the store tomorrow.” Sunghoon wrinkled his nose.

“You can use mine,” he said reluctantly. Despite what Jay usually thought of him, he wasn’t a selfish prick. He would prefer having to share his things over having a fake boyfriend with a mouthful of cavities. 

“What is wrong with you,” Jay groaned, rolling around and pulling the blankets up over his head. “Go to sleep,” he said, his voice muffled. Sunghoon bristled at the sound of that familiar judgmental tone. It hadn’t even been a day, and Jay was already getting far too comfortable. It was almost like the old Jay was back, he thought. 

“I think I prefer it when you’re in love with me,” he muttered.

Sunghoon then proceeded to lay awake staring at the ceiling until dawn came, wondering why he had allowed such a god awful thing to escape his mouth. 

Chapter Text

Sunghoon had always found it a bit ridiculous when movies or books narrated flashbacks through the dreams of a character. Most of his dreams consisted of random and insane scenarios, like his dog turning into a dinosaur and going on a rampage around the city. His dreams were never an outlet for him to reminisce, and they never came in the form of a memory. 

Except for tonight it seemed. Jay’s presence really had flipped his whole world upside down, because when he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, it wasn’t a gigantic fluffy Gaeul towering over skyscrapers that he saw. What he saw instead was probably every grown adult’s worst nightmare— he was transported back to high school. 

“Hoon!” a familiar voice called out to him. 

Sunghoon gritted his teeth and turned around, coming face to face with none other than Park Jongseong. If he could go one day without being antagonized by the brat he would kiss the ground. But Jay seemed intent on provoking him: shoulder checking him in the hallway, flicking bits of paper onto his desk during class, and his most recent favorite, hollering at him from across the cafeteria. 

“What do you want?” he said through a forced smile. 

Sunghoon didn’t know why the boy got under his skin so much. It wasn’t like his insults were anything overtly malicious, and they had definitely never come close to throwing a punch at each other. But one snarky comment, just one small condescending grin from Jay was all that it took to drive Sunghoon up the walls. It must be a special quality Jay possessed, he decided. There was no other person like him in the world, and there was no other person who had quite the same effect on Sunghoon. 

“Watcha got there,” Jay drawled, nodding at the packed lunch Sunghoon was carrying. “Did your maid cook that for you or did you buy it? Can you buy me lunch too?” he asked coyly, fluttering his eyelashes. 

Sunghoon’s mouth twisted in disgust. “I do not have a maid,” he said heatedly, “And I cooked it myself.” Lies. His mother had cooked the food, but he had packed it and slipped in a tangerine, which had to count for something, right? 

“Then if you don’t have a maid,” Jay said, his face suddenly growing serious, “Can you hire me?” Sunghoon narrowed his eyes, wondering what Jay was playing at. Watching carefully, he caught the twitch at the corner of the other boy’s mouth. Jay was mocking him, he realized. 

“As if you could cook anything I would want to eat,” Sunghoon snapped. “And you’d probably poison me and strip my house bare if I let you in.” It was the wrong thing to say and he knew it, even before he caught sight of the dark shadow that passed over Jay’s face. 

“Some people actually want to make an honest living,” Jay said cooly, “But keep looking down on me from your throne of privilege.” With that, he spun around and stalked away, and Sunghoon was left to feel like he had delivered the final blow without actually winning the fight. 

Sunghoon awoke to the smell of something delicious wafting into his nostrils and the sound of something sizzling on a pan. He stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen, still lost in the daze of his dream and wondering why such a random memory had come to him in his sleep. 

Jay’s back was to him, but Sunghoon could see that he had a spatula in hand and was flipping pancakes over in a smooth, practiced motion. 

“You cook?” Sunghoon blurted. Jay looked over his shoulder, his eyes widening. He looked surprised to see him standing there, as if it were Jay’s kitchen that Sunghoon had just walked in on and not the other way around. 

“Why do you sound so surprised?” Jay asked curiously. “You do too, right?” 

Truth be told, Sunghoon had mostly been talking out of his ass yesterday. While it was true that he did cook for himself often, it wasn’t exactly fresh ingredients that lined his fridge, waiting to be prepped into gourmet meals. 

“Of course,” he answered. “I can cook pretty much anything.” As long as it comes out of a package and is microwaveable. 

“I went out and bought a toothbrush while you were sleeping,” Jay said casually, turning off the stove and transferring the food onto a plate. “So you can get off my back about that.” He looked up. “Speaking of, you should go brush your teeth. Your breath stinks.” 

Sunghoon jolted into a more lucid state, looking at Jay in shock. He was still wearing his sweet, Amnesia-Jay look, but the tone of his words sounded like it had been copy and pasted straight from the conversation they had been having in his dream. 

“I’m standing all the way across the room,” Sunghoon grumbled. “You can’t even smell my breath.” Jay shrugged, and smiled at him sweetly.

“I can tell,” he said. He made a shooing motion. “Go freshen up, and then we can eat.” 

Sunghoon walked into the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and washed his face, going through the motions of his morning routine while feeling like a zombie. It was just too bizarre. He had gone from swearing an oath to never let Jay set foot past his doorstep, to Jay making him pancakes in his kitchen. It all felt too domestic, and too real. 

They were playing play pretend as boyfriends, except Jay didn’t know it was pretend. So where was the line between truth and lie? If it were solely up to Sunghoon- being the only one completely sound of mind- then he wasn’t entirely sure where he would draw that line either. 

His opinion on Jay had already been pretty much solidified. While Sunghoon didn’t wish him death (especially in a certain scenario where Sunghoon may be held responsible for running him over with his car), Jay was nothing but a thorn in his side. A giant, prickly thorn that he could never quite manage to dislodge. 

Sunghoon did not like Jay, and that was that. But as they ate pancakes while sitting cross legged on the floor, dripping syrup over the coffee table while watching morning cartoons that Jay had insisted on turning on, he felt something other than dislike. Nothing about the past had changed- he and Jay had both been assholes to each other, there was no debating that- but Sunghoon was seeing his enemy through new eyes now. 

He was realizing that when they weren’t at each other’s throats, when Jay wasn’t leaping at every opportunity to challenge Sunghoon to a battle of half baked insults, he was an actual, normal person. A person with a life, and a personality, and perhaps the best tasting pancakes Sunghoon had ever had. A person whose company he didn’t find completely, entirely intolerable. 

“This is nice,” Jay sighed happily, shoveling a forkful of pancake into his mouth. Sunghoon noticed that he had completely flooded his plate, so much so that his pancakes had become floating islands drifting in a sea of syrup. “Do we do this often?” he asked Sunghoon curiously. 

“Do what?” he replied, confused.

“Eat together.” Jay looked at him expectantly. Sunghoon thought back to the dream he had just had last night, and stifled a laugh. This really was their first time sharing a meal, ever. 

“No, not really,” he answered truthfully. Upon seeing the beginnings of a pout forming he quickly added, “But we can.” He was surprised to find that the offer was genuine. A wide smile overtook Jay’s face, and a sudden, guilty thought burst into his head: this was nice. If Jay never regained his memories, it wouldn’t be so bad to stay like this. 

He immediately chastised himself for thinking such a thing. Jay might like him now, but this wasn’t truly him. Sunghoon on the other hand, had no excuse. He had all his wits about him, and all his memories intact. 

But it was impossible to hate Jay at the moment, not with him sliding over his last pancake and exclaiming that Sunghoon needed to eat more. It was impossible to hate Jay when he looked at him with those wide hopeful eyes, and asked him if they could have breakfast together from now on. 

No, it wasn’t possible for Sunghoon to hate this Jay. And he was starting to wonder if he ever truly had. 

Chapter Text

Jay was hiding something. Sunghoon wasn’t sure what it was, but his instinct told him that there was something going on that he had yet to uncover. It started with the pantry. 

First it was a missing loaf of bread. Then a bag of flour. The moment when Sunghoon really began to suspect something was amiss was when the salt and pepper shaker disappeared right off of the kitchen table. 

Sunghoon’s initial theory was that Jay had gotten unusually ravenous in the middle of the night and had devoured an entire kilogram of sour dough in one sitting. This theory was somewhat thrown off kilter at the disappearance of the flour, and led to Sunghoon giving Jay several very judgmental, sidelong glances. 

It was only when the shaker went missing, as well as a whisk and a jar of olives, that Sunghoon stopped judging Jay for his rather strange snacking habits and started suspecting that he was being looted.

He should have known that it was only a matter of time before Jay’s devious ways resurfaced, and he would be reminded once more of why their hatred for each other ran so deep. Sunghoon was going to expose Jay for the scoundrel he was, once and for all.

It was never quiet at the dinner table these days. Sunghoon was used to eating alone, finding peace in the silence and solitude. But in the past week, his ears were constantly being filled with endless chatter; once Jay got started on a topic, it was a necessity for him to jump to ten other topics before finally running out of breath. 

At first, it had driven Sunghoon insane. It felt like every other hour he was whipping out his phone to text Heeseung and ask him when he was going to extract this parasite from his home. 

Now that it had been a few days and Sunghoon was settling into this new routine, it was almost soothing listening to him talk. Paired with their pancake and cartoon breakfasts, and Jay’s infuriating (but warm) tendency to wrap himself around anything and anyone in his sleep, Sunghoon was beginning to find their relationship had transitioned from parasitism to a sort of commensalism. 

And if Sunghoon jolted in surprise whenever the word “darling” left Jay’s mouth and his cheeks warmed at the reminder that they were supposedly boyfriends, well, who was going to say anything about it? 

However, this still did not erase the fact that things were disappearing around the house. Things were disappearing, and on occasion, Jay was also disappearing. Not that he needed to report to Sunghoon where he was going at all times. But between Jay vanishing from time to time, and Sunghoon’s bread vanishing from time to time, there had to be some sort of correlation there. 

If he let his guard down now while Jay was probably gradually stocking up his own living space with Sunghoon’s groceries and posessions, then he would surely wake up one night to find that Jay had run out on him once and for all, with his flat screen TV strapped to his back.

“Can you pass the salt, please?” Sunghoon interrupted Jay’s rambling. He watched with narrowed eyes as Jay scanned the table innocently. 

“It’s not here,” he said casually. “We must have run out.” 

“Like we ran out of bread,” Sunghoon inquired dryly, “And eggs?” 

“I have a large appetite,” Jay shrugged sheepishly. “I polish things off pretty quickly.”

“Do you also have a large appetite for salt and pepper? Did you eat those too?” 

Jay paused, his jaw flexing. “Mhm.” 

“And the shaker itself? You ate the shaker?” 

“I cannot refuse the demands of a healing body,” Jay declared. “Maybe one day you too will get hit by a car, and then you will understand.” 

Sunghoon would never have imagined that he would be struck speechless by such a mind boggingly idiotic statement. Something must be truly wrong with him; as he stared directly into Jay’s obnoxiously grinning face, he found himself completely disarmed and unable to formulate a coherent reply. 

It was no surprise to Sunghoon that Jay wasn’t ugly. If he was being entirely honest with himself, he had always been aware that Jay was actually quite handsome if he could just look past that clashing personality. But that handsome face had always been all twisted and contorted into a sneer when facing Sunghoon. 

Never a true smile. Not a genuine one. Not like the ones Jay gave him now, the ones that lit up his whole face and made his eyes shine.

He was really quite beautiful. 

And just like that, Sunghoon had lost his train of thought and too many seconds had passed for him to produce a well timed, witty retort. 

Jay- One. Sunghoon- Zero.

---

The thing was, Sunghoon realized that he couldn’t care less what Jay took from him. Just as the boy had enjoyed to obnoxiously remind him over the years, Sunghoon had plenty of money to spare. And Sunghoon was respectfully aware that Jay, on the other hand, did not. So if he needed extra food, or extra silverware, then Sunghoon would be perfectly willing to look the other way.

But it made no sense— they were living together. For the time being at least, everything that belonged to Sunghoon also belonged to Jay. So what was all the secrecy and sneaking around for? His only wild guess was that even in the throes of amnesia, Jay was still looking for ways to spite him at every turn. 

Not even a week ago, Sunghoon would have leapt at the chance to prove that Jay had masterminded some plot to stab him in the back. Now, he couldn’t help but hope that that wasn’t the case. But there was only one way to find out. 

The next time Jay slipped out the front door with his suspiciously bulging backpack slung over his shoulder, mumbling some halfhearted excuse, Sunghoon was ready. 

He waited for one minute to pass. Then two. 

And then he walked out of the apartment and followed Jay down the street, ready to find out once and for all whether his enemy turned live-in boyfriend was a liar and a thief. 

Chapter Text

Sunghoon was no trained spy, but to his credit, he thought that he had done a reasonably decent job of trailing Jay to his top secret location without being seen.

It was a bit harder to avoid being spotted once Jay entered the building that appeared to be his destination. From the looks of it, it was another apartment building, but far more run down and cramped than Sunghoon’s. Luckily Jay’s target was the first room in a hallway on the ground floor, so it wasn’t difficult for him to disguise himself around the corner and peer in on what was going on.

Did Sunghoon feel slightly guilty for following him without his knowledge? Sure, but what was a little light investigation between husbands? He had to make sure Jay wasn’t having an affair with someone down the street, after all.

He immediately kicked himself for even joking about such nonsense. He and Jay were not actually together. Not even a little bit.

And his eyes most definitely did not narrow when Jay knocked on the door and it opened up to reveal one of the prettiest faces Sunghoon had ever seen. He sternly reminded himself that he wasn’t actually trying to bust Jay in an act of adultery. Still, who was this boy?

“Jay!” the boy exclaimed, his eyes lighting up when he saw who was at the door. Jay smiled back warmly, and something made Sunghoon bristle at the sight. What was so great about Jay that this boy had to smile at him like that for?

“Sunoo,” Jay replied happily. He hefted up the bag on his shoulder. “I come bearing gifts,” he said, and made to enter the apartment.

Sunoo stuck his foot in the doorway, barring his entry with a scowl. “What have I told you, over and over again?” he demanded incredulously.

“I don’t know,” Jay answered, the picture of innocence. “I only listen to myself talk.” He flashed Sunoo a cheeky grin, that probably did not have the intended effect on its recipient, but was certainly doing something particularly unsavory to Sunghoon’s insides.

“I told you to stop bringing me stuff,” Sunoo scolded. “You already do more than enough for me.”

Sunghoon was frozen still. The realization was dawning upon him, little by little. Jay wasn’t keeping the things that he took for himself… but was giving them to someone else?

“And I will continue to do so,” Jay said brightly, unbothered.

“You’re really messing with my whole struggling art student vibe,” Sunoo laughed. Jay’s face softened at the sound.

“I don’t like watching anyone struggle,” he said quietly.

“You’re struggling,” Sunoo said gently. “Don’t think I don’t notice— you even go so far as to help with my rent, but do you even have enough for yourself?”

He what?

Sunghoon’s mind was spinning. He thought he had at least some basic idea of who Jay was, but he wasn’t so sure anymore. Jay, who was clearly struggling to make ends meet, yet went out of his way to help a friend in need. Jay, who over the years had thrown countless spiteful remarks at Sunghoon— words that now, in hindsight, seemed less like malice and more like frustration.

Keep looking down on me from your throne of privilege.

The memory induced a painful pang in his chest, and he physically winced as he recalled all the words that had been exchanged between them.

“Don’t worry about me,” Jay said, breaking him out of his thoughts. “I’m in a better situation. For now.”

Sunoo squinted in curiosity. “You have been bringing by more by than usual,” he observed. “Got a job or something?”

“Got a roommate,” Jay chirped, and Sunghoon’s head snapped up at the reference to him.

“I thought you already have two of those,” Sunoo said in amusement.

“I got a rich roommate,” Jay corrected. “I’ve sort of been… borrowing stuff from him,” he said, a note of shame creeping into his voice. “I think he’s onto me, but I fully plan on paying him back! For the hospital bill and everything too.”

“Hospital bill?!” Sunoo shrieked.

“Oh yeah, I got run over by a car, did you hear?”

“Jay!”

While Sunoo fussed over Jay, who had perked up and was excitedly showing off the “cool” scars he had sustained, Sunghoon slipped back into his state of introspection.

Jay was not swiping his groceries to rob him blind; he was helping someone. While he had been living in a cramped apartment with two other roommates, he had been simultaneously helping someone else with their own rent. All those past years of Jay sneering at him for flaunting his wealth; maybe Sunghoon had been the asshole.

And most baffling of all, was that Jay seemed to be under the impression that Sunghoon would allow Jay to pay him back.

“So who’s this roommate of yours, exactly?” Sunoo inquired, after he had done a thorough inspection and had come to the conclusion that all of Jay’s bones were still somewhat intact.

“Ah,” Jay said, his cheeks flushing as though he were about to admit to something particularly embarrassing. “Sunghoon.”

“Park Sunghoon?” Sunoo exclaimed.

“It would appear that would be the one, yes,” Jay said casually, though his fidgeting gave him away as he shifted from foot to foot.

“But don’t you—”

Sunghoon stiffened, willing the boy to shut up before he exposed to Jay that Sunghoon was someone that he actually hated, rather than loved. Thankfully, Jay interrupted on his own.

“We’re getting along fine now,” Jay said loudly. “It’s going great.” Sunoo frowned, still looking confused. Sunghoon braced himself.

“This is the Park Sunghoon that you always whine about, right?”

Sunghoon wilted slightly. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been aware that Jay probably complained about him relentlessly. It hardly required a stretch of imagination to arrive to that assumption, given that Jay never had any issue with complaining about Sunghoon directly to his face. But still.

Things had changed. And as horrible of a wish it may be, Sunghoon didn’t know if he wanted Jay to regain all of his memories. He didn’t know if he wanted things to change back.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jay said quickly. “But we’re boyfriends now.”

Sunoo choked, spluttering in shock. “Oh wow,” he said clearing his throat, and struggling to compose himself, “Congrats. How did that happen?”

“You know it happened so fast,” Jay said with a wry smile, “I couldn’t even tell you myself.”

Sunghoon turned around and slipped away, hoping that the carpeted floor beneath his feet muffled the sound of his retreating footsteps. He had heard enough, and had already received plenty of context for Jay’s strange behavior. To stay any longer would simply be straight up, self serving eavesdropping.

Sunghoon didn’t know what he had come here expecting— but what he had come to find was surprising and wholly unsurprising, altogether.

Park Jongseong, his mortal enemy, was good.

Chapter Text

Sunghoon and Jay had never been friends. It wasn’t one of those situations where they had been inseparable, before fate had torn them apart and shredded their affection into hatred. They had never quite been friends.

But there was a time, when they could have been. 

They had started out friendly enough. It was their first day of high school, and practically every face was a new one. They had both ended up getting squeezed into the last two available seats in the very back row of the classroom. 

For Sunghoon, it was because he was antsy around new people, and preferred not to bother flinging himself into the center of a whole crowd of them. For Jay on the other hand, who was actually quite outgoing, it was simply because he had been twenty minutes late to class. 

As it turned out, the teacher announced that their current seats would remain as their permanent spots for the rest of the year. 

They hadn’t talked to each other at all at first, but when they finally did, it was Jay who initiated. He must have seen Sunghoon rummaging around in his backpack, trying to find something to write with. Sunghoon felt a tap on his shoulder, and when he looked up there Jay was, holding out a plastic ballpoint pen, with a little teddy bear charm propped on the end of the cap. He stared at it wordlessly. 

“You need a pen, right?” Jay prompted. Sunghoon nodded silently. “I just bought a huge pack of these at the dollar store, so I can spare one. Aren’t they cute?” Sunghoon squinted. Cute was certainly the word he would use. Cute wasn’t necessarily what he wanted to have in his hand. 

He opened his mouth and said, “I only use fountain pens.” 

Jay blinked at him in confusion for a moment, a startled laugh escaping him. When he realized that there was no punchline coming, he shook his head in disbelief.

“So you’re one of those fancy people, huh? Alright, gotcha, no worries.” 

And that was the end of that interaction. It had been friendly enough, and Jay didn’t seem too turned off to Sunghoon as a person going off of that conversation alone. 

There were more than a few other conversations that followed after that; looking back on it, Sunghoon couldn’t say that there was truly any one specific incident that had flipped the switch. It had been a gradual thing, a steady realization that they were two very different people from different walks of life. For some reason, that simple incompatibility turned into outright animosity. 

As Sunghoon browsed the aisles of his local grocery store, making sure to stock up on more of each item than he knew he needed, he couldn’t help but feel as though he had been robbed— and not just in the literal sense. 

Well luckily for him (and not so luckily for Jay), he could take advantage of this amnesia situation and get to know Jay in a way he had missed the opportunity to before. And maybe this time around, he could make a better first impression on his doting boyfriend. 

—

“Are you busy this weekend?” 

“No, not at all,” Sunghoon replied, making a mental note to clear out any schedule he may have had for the coming days. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well,” Jay said. “I was thinking we could go on a date.” 

Sunghoon choked— well, that was an eloquent way to put it. The water he had been drinking went down the wrong pipe, and he spent the next minute making strangled gargling noises as he coughed up a lung and desperately pounded away at his chest.

Jay watched him in alarm. “Are you okay?” he asked, as if Sunghoon wasn’t seconds away from a seizure. 

“Peachy,” Sunghoon wheezed. “Um,” he cleared his throat a final time, “A date?”

“Do we not go on those often?” Jay asked, tilting his head in question. 

“Well, uh…” Sunghoon couldn’t exactly say that they had never even hung out with each other before. They had certainly skipped a few steps in their “relationship” by jumping straight into moving in together. “Sure, we can go on a date,” he said instead. “What did you have in mind?” 

Jay smiled secretively. “Do you like dogs?”

—

This was not good. This was not good at all. 

It seemed like a distant memory now, even though it had only been a matter of days, when he had despised Jongseong so deeply. Even having a civil conversation had seemed out of the question. 

The change had come so abruptly, it had hit Sunghoon like a truck— okay, maybe that analogy was slightly distasteful given the situation.

But now… Sunghoon couldn’t help but wish that this “date” of theirs wasn’t just play pretend. 

“This is not good. This is not good at all.”

Jay looked up at him in surprise, and Sunghoon realized he had spoken out loud. “I thought you said you liked dogs?” he said, sounding betrayed. 

“It’s not that,” he said quickly, mentally kicking himself. “I love dogs.” 

I think I love you.

Woah, there. That was a bit much, Sunghoon thought in a panic. No matter how well he and Jay were getting along these days, using the L-word at this stage was a bit intense. But still. When Jay was looking at him like that, whilst holding a puppy in his arms who was also looking at him like that, how the hell was he supposed to feel?

When Jay had asked him out on a date, Sunghoon had automatically planned to take him out to a nice dinner at some five star restaurant. He certainly hadn’t expected Jay to inquire about his preference in pets. He most definitely hadn’t expected Jay to take him to the animal shelter that he apparently volunteered at every other week. 

First the Sunoo situation, and now this. Just how big of a heart did this maddening boy have? 

“Do you wanna hold him?” Jay asked, holding his arms out. The puppy squirmed in his hold, both of them blinking up at Sunghoon with wide eyes. Sunghoon opened his mouth to reply.

“I really like you,” he blurted. As soon as his brain caught up to what his mouth had just said, he froze. Jay froze too. 

His mouth dropped open, and he stared at Sunghoon like he had just sprouted another limb. Sunghoon didn’t know why he seemed to be panicking as well; after all, he was the one who was blissfully unaware that they weren’t actually dating. 

“You— I…” Jay started spluttering. “You do?” 

The blood rushed to Sunghoon’s head so quickly he felt like he was about to drop to the ground in a faint. His mind raced at a mile a minute, trying to figure out how to salvage the situation. 

“I mean,” he said slowly, “We are boyfriends.” There. A casual reminder of the relationship that Jay had supposedly forgotten after the accident. He wouldn’t question Sunghoon’s words now. 

Jay nodded, looking dazed. “Right,” he said weakly. “Boyfriends. I… I like you too,” he mumbled. Sunghoon’s heart lurched. Jay looked up at him, down at the puppy, then back up at Sunghoon. “Puppy likes you too,” he added, blinking up shyly from underneath his eyelashes. 

This must be revenge, Sunghoon thought, his chest squeezing painfully.

He was quite certain that he wouldn’t make it much longer before Jay put him in the hospital as well. 

Chapter Text

When Heeseung called about a week later after several days of silence, Sunghoon was inclined not to pick up. He knew it was stupid, and that he was being selfish. But he didn’t want to hear what Heeseung might have to say.

Unfortunately, Heeseung called back a few hours later while Sunghoon was fixing up dinner in the kitchen. Jay glanced over at where he'd left his phone on the coffee table, and immediately perked up when he read the caller ID.

“It’s Hee!” he exclaimed. Sunghoon’s heart sank. “Should I pick up?”

“I guess,” Sunghoon grumbled. 

“Heeseungie!” he heard Jay exclaim. His mouth twisted, and he kept one ear open, listening in on the side of the conversation that was audible to him. “Yes, I’m doing well. Mhm.” 

Sunghoon strained his ears as hard as humanly possible, but of course he wouldn’t be able to pick up Heeseung’s words from over the phone, especially not from that distance. He crept closer.

“Oh this Friday? I think that works.” 

No this Friday most definitely did not work, Sunghoon thought with mounting agitation. 

“Sunghoon? No I don’t think he minds.” 

I do mind! he wanted to scream. 

“Alright, see you guys then! Yeah, yeah, tell Jake I miss him too,” Jay said with a laugh. “Just a few more days, and we’ll see each other again.” He hung up the phone. Sunghoon walked into the room on stiff legs. 

“I can help you pack your things,” he said, sounding drained and empty. Jay looked up at him in shock.

“Excuse me?” 

“I suppose Heeseung and Jake are ready for you to move back in,” Sunghoon said, trying his best not to let his pettiness show. 

“What— no! They were inviting us out on a double date,” Jay said incredulously. He narrowed his eyes. “Were you hoping I’d be moving out?” he asked accusingly. 

“No!” Sunghoon cried out, the relief so overwhelming and so surprising that he was half expecting his body to crumple in on itself like a tin can. “No, thats… a double date sounds great,” he said weakly. Jay looked at him skeptically, not seeming convinced. 

“Well, if you’re sure,” he said hesitantly, and Sunghoon nodded so hard that his teeth clacked. 

“Positive. This Friday. Heeseung and Jake. Sounds great,” he rambled. 

“Alright,” Jay gave in with a shrug. “It’s a date.” 

—

“How is he treating you?” Heeseung joked, clapping a hand on Jay’s shoulder. “Are you sure you don’t need me to rescue you?” 

The four of them were squeezed into a booth at a diner that Jay had picked out, both pairs sitting across from their respective dates. Sunghoon rolled his eyes. 

“Why is he the one who needs to be rescued? I’m the one who got harnessed with a freeloader,” Sunghoon muttered. Heeseung glared at him, and he quickly said, “Kidding! Kidding. It’s been…” he cleared his throat. “Fun. Very enlightening.” 

Enlightening, as in he found out that their stupid rivalry had apparently been the only impediment to Sunghoon developing a very big gay crush on Jay. 

“I’ve never lived with a boyfriend before,” Jay chimed in brightly. “It has been romance central up in there.” 

Jake turned very, very red, and looked like he was questioning every decision he had ever made in his life that had led up to him sitting at that table with the rest of them. “You— Sunghoon,” he choked, “Romance, right.” 

Sunghoon shot him a look of warning, while Heeseung just looked worryingly amused. As the two people who knew Jay the best, Jake and Heeseung had all the power to expose Sunghoon if they wanted to. He just hoped they would grant him some small mercy and keep their mouths shut. 

“You guys remember, even if I don’t,” Jay said in realization. “How cute are we together? Tell me honestly,” he gushed, a shit eating grin spread across his face. Sunghoon braced himself. 

Jake was almost purple now. “Just adorable,” he whispered with what little breath he had left. “Practically inseparable, star crossed lovers.” 

“We want what you have,” Heeseung deadpanned with a frighteningly blank expression. 

Well, they were no acting majors. Sunghoon was still grateful for the attempt. Before long, everyone at the table was choking on their food to some capacity. Jay lurched to his feet. 

“I know the Heimlich maneuver!” he exclaimed, looking slightly worried, and suspiciously as though he were holding in an eruption of laughter.

“Sunghoon,” Heeseung said gravely while Jay reached over the table to thump Jake on the back. “Can I speak to you for a moment?”

“Uh sure,” Sunghoon replied nervously, sliding out of the booth with Heeseung following suit. Jay looked up at them curiously.

“We’ll be back in a minute boys,” Heeseung told the table, before gripping Sunghoon by the elbow and pulling him outside. 

“I think I know what this is about,” Sunghoon said, shifting from foot to foot. “Is this where you tell me if I break his heart, I’m dead?” 

Heeseung looked at him scrutinizingly. “Is his heart really yours to break?” Sunghoon winced. “What is this, Sunghoon? You let him get the wrong idea, and now you’re just running with it? Is this a game to you?”

“It’s not,” Sunghoon insisted. “I swear it’s not.” He sighed in frustration, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what happened. I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore.” 

Jay had slowly but surely planted his roots deep into Sunghoon’s life. He couldn’t even imagine going back to the way things were before— coming home to an empty apartment, to silent rooms.

“Why don’t you just, oh I don’t know— tell him the truth?” 

Sunghoon gulped. That was… a valid question. “At first, it was just too awkward to, I guess. But now….”

“Now?” Heeseung prompted. Sunghoon turned to look through the window of the diner, his eyes seeking out the dimly lit booth where Jay was sitting. He was now talking animatedly to a thankfully alive Jake, gesturing with his hands, that now familiar beaming smile lighting up his face.

Sunghoon sighed. “Now I don’t want to let him go,” he whispered. 

“Oh, Hoon,” Heeseung sighed. “What if he remembers eventually? What are you going to do?”

“Hold on, I guess. Until I can’t anymore.”

Chapter Text

“I’m going to the store, do you need anything while I’m out?” 

“Yeah,” Sunghoon replied, glancing up. “Can you pick up a pack of ballpoints? I’m all out.” 

“What happened to only using fountain pens?” Jay said teasingly. Sunghoon only rolled his eyes.

“All right, I’ll be back in a few. Try not to miss me too much while I’m gone, babe.” Jay blew him a kiss and Sunghoon tried to pull his expression into one of disgust. He was pretty sure the overall effect read more as “flustered idiot.” 

“Take your time,” he shot back.

But he had taken too long to scrounge together a response, and the only answer he received was the click of the door. Sunghoon frowned. Something felt off, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was. He would just have to wait for Jay to return.

And he definitely would not miss him in the meantime. 

—

“I’m cooking dinner,” Jay announced later that evening. 

He had somehow procurred an apron that had the slogan “kiss the cook” embroidered across the front, and Sunghoon was trying very hard not to stare. He was also trying very hard to convince himself that doing exactly what the garment said would be a tremendously bad idea.

“You’re… cooking?” Sunghoon inquired weakly.

“Yup,” Jay said confidently. “I did offer to be your maid once, didn’t I? Now you’re getting my services free of charge, lucky you!” 

Sunghoon froze. And then, everything clicked into place. The strange feeling he’d been having lately, like something was just slightly off. Jay’s offhand comments. That tone of familiarity. Referencing things that he should not have been able to reference. It was all coming together.

Whether he was conscious of it or not, Jay was beginning to remember. Specifically, Jay was seeming to remember things about him, which meant that it was only a matter of time before he recalled his distaste for all things Park Sunghoon, and discovered the true nature of their relationship. 

What if he remembers eventually? What are you going to do?  Heeseung had asked him. 

Hold on, I guess. Until I can’t anymore.

---

“This is delicious, Jay,” Sunghoon said around a mouthful of steak.

Jay had spent hours in the kitchen, hours during which Sunghoon had tried his best to ignore the rather alarming smell of smoke that had wafted towards him more than once. Jay had called out to him from the other room, ensuring him that he had everything under control, and that the end result would be well worth it. Staring down at his plate, Sunghoon was finding that promise to be rather questionable.

It was far too salty. A bit overcooked. He was pretty sure he was one rubbery bite away from one of his crowns popping off. It was perhaps the best thing he had ever tasted. 

From his complete unbiased perspective, of course.

Jay beamed. “You think so? I didn’t add too much salt?”

“You added salt?” Sunghoon inquired innocently, the inside of his mouth shriveling up. Jay laughed, shaking his head. 

“You’re really something, Hoon,” he said. Sunghoon wasn’t sure what he meant, but he was too focused on restraining himself from gulping down a liter of water to argue. “I can actually cook, I promise,” Jay continued, grinning. “I just sort of accidentally spilled the entire container of salt into the pan. And then I left the heat on for a bit too long while trying to scoop out as much of the salt as possible. My arm is still a bit stiff,” he rubbed his elbow, wincing as he recounted his disastrous kitchen fiasco. 

“Oh,” Sunghoon said, dropping his fork. “I’m sorry… for running you over,” he added dumbly. 

“Haven’t we already moved past that?” Jay said in amusement. “I mean, if you wanted to hit on your boyfriend you could have just gone ahead and done it, rather than actually hitting me with your car, but you know I don’t hold a grudge.” This gave Sunghoon pause.

“You don’t?” he said tentatively. Years of sharp eyed glares and barbed comments would beg to differ. Jay’s eyes twinkled. 

“Of course not,” he answered smoothly. “Though I probably never grew out of the ‘tug on their pigtails if you like them’ playground mentality.” Jay's arm darted forward to tug lightly on Sunghoon's bangs before retreating back into his lap, so quickly that Sunghoon barely had time to register the touch. He found that he didn't mind the playful gesture at all. 

“Hmm,” Sunghoon said, not knowing what to make of any of that. On impulse, he reached across the table to retrieve Jay’s hand. He felt it jolt under his touch, and he let his thumb gently rest on the inside of the wrist. He had seen it in a romance drama, the lead surreptitiously taking the love interest’s pulse to determine if their heart was beating as fast as their own. 

Sunghoon belatedly remembered he had no fucking idea how to find somebody’s pulse.

“What are you doing?” Jay said, sounding breathless. Sunghoon himself didn’t really know what he was doing these days. He was just stumbling blindly along, letting his stupid, enamored heart lead for once, rather than his brain. And what was the dangerous, messy result? What was he doing now? What was there left for him to do? 

“Holding on,” Sunghoon murmured. Slender fingers tightened around his; he thought he felt something fluttering under his thumb, like a little hummingbird. Or a big heart, racing very fast.

“I’m holding on.” 

—

Sleep did not come easily that night. 

Sunghoon had gradually been becoming more aware and more fixated on the presence of Jay lying beside him in his bed, but on this night, he was even more hyperaware than normal. 

Jay was warm, so warm, because for some reason he always ran hot in the evenings, and Sunghoon could feel the dip in the mattress where he lay, the slope of the bed pulling him towards the other boy. His palms burned with the knowledge that he could simply reach out and hold him if he could just find in himself the courage to. 

Sunghoon closed his eyes and tried to steady his breaths, to trick his body into thinking it was sleeping. In. Out. His heart thudded, knocking on his chest with hammering force, demanding to be set free. No matter how hard he tried, he could not calm the roaring storm of his thoughts enough to drift into oblivion.

Jay was already asleep. He could tell by the rhythm and ease of his inhales and exhales. Of course, he wasn’t plagued by the same anxiety that was coursing through Sunghoon right now. He was peacefully and blissfully unaware. Sunghoon opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling.

He debated with himself for a moment. He wasn’t a creep, after all. How weird was it to look at someone while they were sleeping? But Sunghoon was on borrowed time. Jay’s physical wounds from the crash had all but completely healed, and now his memory was healing too. When that happened, the toxicity would come creeping back in, and their easy, fun loving dynamic that they had built over the past weeks would be torn to shreds. 

These days, Jay looked at Sunghoon like he was the last pancake on the plate, smothered in extra syrup and topped with powdered sugar and fresh berries. Soon, he wouldn’t be looking at Sunghoon like that anymore. He would look at him like— like he was a brussel sprout or something. Or, he wouldn’t be looking at all. 

Sunghoon found his resolve, and turned his head.

And Jay, lo and behold, was already gazing back at him.  

Chapter Text

Sunghoon’s heart stilled. Jay was looking at him softly, the shine of his eyes cutting through the dark. Sunghoon wet his dry mouth, and spoke.

“Why are you looking at me?”

“Why are you looking at me?” Jay echoed.

“You were looking at me first.” 

“I wanted to ask you something,” Jay said quietly. 

“What is it?” Sunghoon said. “You can ask anything.” Just don’t ask me for the truth.

“Will you hold me?” Jay whispered. He had angled his head slightly away, and he spoke so softly that Sunghoon wondered if he had actually said anything out loud or if it was his wishful imagination playing tricks on him. “No one has ever held me before.”

That was all Sunghoon needed to finally give in to himself. He reached his arm out until he felt that heat, bright and burning like the sun. Jay fell into him like warmth grazing your cheek on a mellow spring day, and Sunghoon wrapped himself in it, wrapped himself around it. 

“I don’t know how I ever could have forgotten you,” Jay murmured, lips against collarbone. Sunghoon shivered. 

I hope you never remember me, he wanted to say. 

“Do you think you’ll ever forget me?” Jay asked. His voice sounded fragile and on the verge of breaking apart, and Sunghoon wanted to cup it in his hands and hold the pieces together. 

There had been a time when his answer may have been different— if he had the choice of being ridden with amnesia, of having Jay completely wiped from his mind, would he take it? All the quips, all the banter, all the simmering glances that burned with something neither of them could ever quite put their finger on. All of that would be gone.

Maybe Sunghoon’s answer had never changed. It had been the same all along, but it had taken Jay’s rather forceful entrance into his personal bubble for him to see it from the right perspective. 

Jay was the sun, after all. Fiery and passionate, harsh and reckless, searing and burning with an immutable spark. But toned down slightly, in the right setting, he was soft and warm, kind and giving, an all-encompassing bloom of light. Would he ever choose to forget that? 

“Never,” Sunghoon said, his answer an inevitable sigh drawn from his lips. “I wouldn’t dare.” 

***

If Sunghoon wanted to take the cliché route, he could go about this whole situation in the typical, emotionally repressed way. 

He could start distancing himself, pull away from Jay and act cold and uncaring in order to protect his heart from the inevitable severing of ties. Of course, that would lead to a myriad of misunderstandings and unecessary angst. Sunghoon did not want to go that route.

For someone who had been pretending to hate Jay the entire time they had known each other, Sunghoon didn’t think that he could bring himself to do it now. When it came to Jay and how he now knew he felt, all self preservation went out the window. 

Let Jay remember. Let Jay toss him aside. Let his heart be broken. It was only fair, really.

Sunghoon had run him over with his car. 

So no, in those last few days where Sunghoon pretended to be oblivious to what was happening, he didn’t distance himself. He did quite the exact opposite actually. 

He was almost disgusted at himself, the way he trailed after Jay around the apartment like a lost puppy. The way he glued himself to the other boy’s side even when there was an abundance of space on the couch. The way he got up an hour earlier than normal to make Jay pancakes smothered in extra syrup, topped with powdered sugar and fresh berries. The way it was Sunghoon who had become the stupid koala at night, now that he had received explicit confirmation that cuddling Jay was a luxury he could miraculously afford. 

He knew that Jay must be wondering what the hell had gotten into him lately. He didn’t miss the fond but exasperated glances thrown in his direction. It made Sunghoon feel as though he were being a clingy child, but he couldn’t manage to tear himself away. Self preservation wasn’t in the books, and neither was self respect apparently. 

He was going to hold onto every last moment that he could. Every last touch, every shared glance, every warm embrace. He collected them as memories to store away, and in the process got a glimpse into why Jay had maybe found him insufferable all these years.

This big, shiny apartment meant nothing. The expensive designer clothes meant nothing. The silver, heirloom watch— okay, maybe that one meant something. But as Sunghoon collected those stolen moments with Jay, he saw materialism for what it was: shallow and vapid, incomparable to the true valuables he now held close to his heart. 

Wasn’t that the real treasure of life? Not the things, but the people? 

Jay was a person that Sunghoon had realized he wanted to treasure for a long, long time. But he probably wouldn’t be having that opportunity in the very near future. 

***

“I’m starting to remember,” Jay announced, after around a week of this inner turmoil and anxious waiting. Sunghoon’s stomach dropped.

Too soon. It was too soon, much too soon, and he wanted to bargain for more time but Jay was not something that could be bought. The most precious things of all could not be bought, he knew that now. 

“Don’t tell me,” Sunghoon whispered. He started to look down, but of course gravity would then work its magic on the moisture forming in his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling instead.

“Don’t tell you what? Why won’t you look at me?” Jay said in confusion.

“I don’t want to see.”

“See what?”

Sunghoon took a deep breath. “I don’t want to see how you feel… about me.” 

There was silence for a moment. And then, quietly, “Why not?” Sunghoon opened his mouth to answer but then Jay said, “Don’t you feel the same way?” 

Sunghoon squeezed his eyes shut. Jay was expecting them to return to their archnemesis dynamic, the mutual hatred and contempt. But hadn’t he seen the way Sunghoon had slowly but surely crumbled for him over the last month? Couldn’t he see the change?

“No,” Sunghoon said lowly. “I don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry.” He waited for Jay to cuss him out, to call him an idiot, to curse him for having the gall to fall for him. 

“You stupid, stupid man.” 

Sunghoon’s eyes snapped open. “Huh?”

He supposed that was one way to go about it, though he had expected more venom and profanity, and less… smiling?

“You don’t feel the same way?” Jay was full on grinning now, and Sunghoon was trying very hard to figure out whether he was being mocked or not. “You really expect me to believe that, after you’ve been all but glued to my hip lately?”

“Uh…” Sunghoon was thoroughly confused. “Yes?” 

“And what exactly do you think my feelings are, that you’re so positive you don’t share them?” Jay’s smile wasn’t dropping, and he was still looking at Sunghoon like he was a pancake and not a brussel sprout, and what was going on? 

Sunghoon stared. “I think I’ve… I think I’ve lost the plot,” he uttered numbly. 

“I love you, you idiot,” Jay said slowly, as though he were talking to a small child. “Don’t you know?”

No, Sunghoon did not in fact know that. He frowned. It wasn’t adding up, it didn’t make sense, Jay—

“You have stockholm syndrome,” he blurted. Jay’s eyebrows flung upwards. “I’ve taken you hostage in my apartment under the guise of being your boyfriend and I’m so, so sorry, I should’ve told you from the beginning, but you don’t actually— mfhghg.” 

Jay silenced him thoroughly and efficiently, and Sunghoon suddenly couldn’t formulate a single thought because each one of his senses and every nerve in his body were zeroed in on the feeling of Jay’s lips on his. 

Whether seconds, minutes, or hours had passed (probably not hours), Sunghoon couldn’t be sure, but when Jay pulled back he snapped back into reality. 

“Sunghoon,” Jay said. “I have something to confess.” 

“That you’re a great kisser?” Sunghoon said, because apparently his filter had dissolved along with the rest of his braincells upon the first touch of Jay’s mouth. 

“No,” Jay chuckled. “But thanks.” His expression sobered, and he looked almost nervous. “The truth is, I didn’t just gain back my memories recently.”

Sunghoon’s mouth dropped open. “Then when?!” he exclaimed. Jay winced.

“Kind of… almost since the beginning?” he laughed awkwardly. Sunghoon’s vision was going fuzzy. He was quite possibly losing his grip on sanity, and perhaps this whole conversation had been a hallucination. 

“I wasn’t trying to lie to you,” Jay said hurriedly, his words flowing out in a rush. “At first I really didn’t remember. I mean, when you get knocked over by a giant vehicle, you don’t really know up from down for a while. And when you came to visit me in my room, I was still pretty loopy from all the medication they were pumping into me.” He sighed. “By the time I came to my senses I was too attached to stop pretending.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Sunghoon croaked. Jay looked guilty, before his expression morphed into one of accusation.

“Why didn’t you?” he retorted. Jay smirked. “Boyfriend.” 

Sunghoon flushed and began to splutter, fishing for an explanation before landing on, “I guess we’re both idiots.” 

“Indeed,” Jay agreed easily. “So…” 

“So,” Sunghoon exhaled. He steeled himself and then went for it. “Please don’t move out.” 

Jay looked at him in surprise. “You still want me here?” 

“Of course I do,” Sunghoon frowned. “Are you kidding?” He wrapped his arms around Jay’s shoulders and pulled him in, that warm, reckless, idiot of a human being. His idiot. Jay’s breath tickled his neck, and then lips pressed against his skin. “I’m never letting go,” he said, half joking. 

“Okay,” Jay said softly. “I’ll stay.”

“Promise not to forget me again,” Sunghoon murmured in a small voice. Jay’s laughter stirred the hairs on the nape of his neck and he shivered, before pulling that warmth even closer to him. 

“I won’t forget you,” Jay said with finality, glowing in his arms. “I wouldn’t dare.”