Archive of Our Own ^beta

┬┴┤(･_├┬┴ Big Red Riding Hood

Today 10:27 AM
Red X: Hello, and welcome to the BTS! Our service is reliable, discreet, and best of all, free!

Red Hood: The hell is this?

Red X: The Bat Texting Service you never knew you needed.

Red Hood: When did you put the phone on my pillow?

Red X: When you were sleeping.

Red Hood: I could have shot you!

Red X: But you didn’t.

Red X: Your sleeping face is now the bg of my phone.

Red Hood: You are as creepy as your old man. Boundaries, stalker.

Red Hood: Does B know about this?

Red X: Not yet. I’ll tell him in a minute.

Red X: Btw

Red X: It’s good that you use proper prenounciation.

Red X: Wasn’t sure if you could.

Red Hood: It is pronunciation. And the hell do you mean by that?

Red X: If ciurse yiusd be the grammmer naszi

Red Hood: Now you’re just trying to piss me off.

Red X: Isd itg werking?

Red Hood: You’ll know in a minute.

Red X: Please don’t break down my door.

( /¯ °3° )/¯ B-Man

Today 10:45 AM
Red X: Yo, welcome to BTS. Glad to have you aboard, B.

Red X: Almost like you live in the modern age!

Batman: Is this device secure.

Red X: As secure as the mind-wiped assassin AI overseeing it could be.

Today 10:47 AM
Red X: B?

Today 10:49 AM
Red X: I think I messed up.

ヽ(illﾟдﾟ)ﾉ All Seeing One

Today 12:20 PM
Oracle: So not only is this network piggybacking off of the Justice League’s lines

Oracle: But you also have an ai watching over it in case they become compromised

Red X: Yeah, but the AI is locked out of the JS. It can’t do more than attach bytes onto the signals and use that to carry the messages via sattelate.

Oracle: I’ll need to take a look to make sure it’s all on the upside

Oracle: But I don’t see a reason to shut down the BTS

Red X: That’s good to hear

Red X: Considering I’ve already given everyone a phone.

Oracle: Who is everyone

Red X: The Bats + the Teen Titans.

Red X: Mayyybe Deathstroke.

Oracle: I’m not telling Batman for you

（˶′◡‵˶） Clone Boy

Today 1:04 PM
Superboy: Repeat that

Red X: ...I used the murder bot head to create an AI to moderate a superhero texting service?

Superboy: Does Ravager know?

Red X: I'm not crazy despite popular belief.

Red X: She doesn't even know BTS is a thing.

Superboy: Why not?

Red X: Like I would give her another way to contact me.

Superboy: Fair enough

Superboy: So

Superboy: The little face at the top is the AI.

Red X: The AI monitors who's operating the phone. It can tell if they're an impostor or if they're being forced to use it against their will.

Red X: It can even tell the difference between jokes and when to send an ambulance.

Red X: Oddly enough I can't get it to do more than emote in the chat.

Superboy: Whats its name?

Red X: Haven't thought of one yet.

Superboy: Call it Superboi

Red X: Your'e terrible.

Red X: How about Red XYZ?

Superboy: Now whos the terrible one

Superboy: Klark Cent

Red X: Wuce Brayne

Superboy: Lois Lane

Superboy: Wait

_(:3 」∠)_ 7 Wonders Girl

Today 4:18 PM
Wonder Girl: Impulse is sad that he’s locked out of the chat

Red X: When he stops spamming me he can get his phone previliges back.

Wonder Girl: What did you think would happen when you gave him the ability to send pics

Red X: He's the reason we can't have nice things.

Red X: I still have pics and emotes on lock down until the trauma goes away.

Wonder Girl: No one liked your custom emotes anyway

Red X: Gasp. You take that back!

Wonder Girl: The features are basic and there's a lack of customization

Wonder Girl: You also have the text bubbles on the wrong side of the screen

Red X: You make a super secure chat service that not even aliens can hack then.

Red X: And I'm still working on the user interface. Thank you.

Wonder Girl: You're welcome.

(𓌻‸𓌻) Old Man

Today 7:30 PM
Deathstroke: I see you haven't learned your lesson about working with artificial intelligence.

Red X: Batboogey won't betray me.

Today 7:38 PM
Red X: That's the AI's name btw.

Today 7:41 PM
Red X: Unless you have a better name in mind.

Deathstroke: Kaiser.

Red X: ...damn that's good.

U・ᴥ・U Bat Butler

Today 8:26 PM
Agent A: I have left your lunchboxes on top of the computer in attempt to keep Bat-Hound from eating them again.

Red X: Good to see the phone isn't giving you trouble, A.

Red X: I'll come by before leaving for work.

Agent A: I should warn you that I have attached even more monitors to ensure you consume what I have made.

Red X: Urgh

Agent A: Indeed. Do not give your food away to the first person who will take it again. I will know.

Red X: Yes, sir.

ಠ_ಠ B-Man

Today 8:32 PM
Red X: Agent A is scary.

Batman: Of course he is. He's the best agent we have.

Batman: Even I can't go against him. I can't save you if you decide to skip your meals.

Batman: Nor would I want to.

Red X: Thanks for having my back, B.

Batman: I always do.

Red X: I was being sarcastic.

Batman: I wasn't.

(¬‿¬) Big Red Riding Hood

Today 11:57 PM
Red Hood: Nightwing tried to grab the phone and got shocked into oblivion.

Red Hood: Is that supposed to happen?

Red X: Sounds like Kaiser's security system is working just fine.

Red X: Tell him to walk it off.

Red Hood: He's going to be a vicious dick about not getting his own phone. You know that, right?

Red X: He'll get a phone when he stops trying to take me to jail.

Red Hood: He only does that because you make his life a living hell.

Red Hood: I mean it's funny, but that whole step-mom thing would drive anyone over the edge.

Red X: It's not my fault Nightwing misunderstood B giving me that diamond ring.

Red X: Nor is it my fault that A or B won't correct his misunderstanding.

Red Hood: Just hurry up and get him his own phone so he'll stop bugging me about it.

Red Hood: You can kiddie-fy it or make it say Nightwing sucks or something if it'll make you feel better.

Red X: You have given me An Idea.

Red X: I knew you were my favorite Robin for a reason.

Red Hood: It's not much of a compliment when the only other Robin is on your shit list.

Red X: You have the best thighs in Gotham?

Red Hood: God you are such a creep.

Red Hood: But hell yeah I do.

━(((;ﾟДﾟ)))━!!! She Who Must Not Be Named

Today 1:21 AM
Ravager: Hey Ein

Ravager: Heard something very interesting about your fancy new phones

Today 1:23 AM
Ravager: You have 30 sec to convince me not to kill you

Red X: I WILL STEAL A TRUCK OF GUM FOR YOU IF YOU LET ME LIVE

Today 1:25 AM
Red X: I'll have it delivered by tomorrow night!!!

Ravager: Fine. Now what is this about using the ai from the murder bot

Red X: It's not your uncle.

Red X: I scrubbed the copied info off which left me with a pure innocent as a newborn baby AI.

Red X: Don't be a baby killer R.

Ravager: If I find this thing doing anything outside its programming

Ravager: My blade is going through each and every piece of technology you own

Red X: Duly noted.

Red X: I will warn you that it's learning things like when to autocorrect spulling errors.

Ravager: Well I see it's as dumb as you

Red X: Newborn Baby, R.

Red X: Wait a minute.

Red X: I never made a phone for you.

Red X: ...how...?

Ravager: Do you really want me to answer that

Today 1:34 AM
Ravager: That's what I thought

(╬ Ò ‸ Ó) Admin Red X

Today 12:13 AM
Red X: The next person who complains about the limited group chat function will have a strongly worded love confession sent to the person they hate the most.

Red X: Listen guys, what part of Alien and Mind control proof texting service do you not understand.

Red X: The UI is still in development and will be slowly updated to incorporate features.

Red X: It’s only Oracle and I unless you want us to drop the Bat part of BTS.

Red X: So stop sending me messages saying U Suk and When Groupies.

Red X:

(☭ ͜ʖ ☭) Big Red Riding Hood

Today 12:19 AM
Red Hood: Petition to have an emoji of Nightwing’s butt.

Red X: Denied.

Today 12:23 AM
Red Hood: ( (   \

Red Hood: |  )(  |

Red Hood: /   ) )

( ´ ▽ ` )b All Seeing One

Today 12:20 AM
Oracle: Permission to put a Bats Rule Arrows Drool sticker in the next update

Red X: Granted.

(‿|‿) Loserwing

Today 1:14 AM
Nightwing: Your TT friends have a phone

Red X: No.

Nightwing: Why can’t mine

Red X: No.

Nightwing: Please

Red X: No.

Nightwing: Pleasepleaseplase

Nightwing:

Red X: Fine.

Nightwing:

Nightwing:

Red X: Let Raven know if Kaiser even catches a whiff of Trigon her phone will shut off.

Red X: Last thing I need is Satan contacting me.

Red X: Again.

(㇏(•̀ ᢍ •́ )ノ) B-Man

Today 3:49 AM
Red X: B, I found it.

Red X: My Batsona.

Red X:

Red X: I am the terror of the night.

Batman: Maybe you should keep looking.

Batman: Though I didn’t know you were thinking about changing aliases.

Red X: Well, I have thoroughly angered my mentor enough to kill me, so why not go all in.

Red X: It’ll be my last screw you as he’s chopping me to bits.

Batman: He won’t kill you.

Batman: If he hasn’t by now then he has Stockholm syndrome like the rest of us.

Red X: Cute, B.

Batman: You might end up wishing you were dead by the time he’s done with you.

Red X:

Batman: I’d feel better if you moved into the manor where I can keep an eye out.

Batman: We’ll get you a bigger room.

Red X: Oh no, no no.

Red X: I’m not falling for that fatherly concern.

Red X: Not only will I end up as big as a house.

Red X: But I’ll never be able to nick another dime from anyone ever again.

Batman: What, no. I wouldn’t dare keep you from being the terror of the night.

Red X: I’ll think about it.

Batman: There’s a spot for the Quackmobile.

Red X: Goodnight B.

Red X:

ε=(っ≧ω≦)っ Clone Boy

Today 11:39 AM
Superboy: Impulse says it’s not fair that he has a limit

Superboy: And that Kaiser clearly doesn’t know what an emergency is

Red X: The fact that Impulse already reached his text limit this early in the day should speak for itself.

Red X: And a nacho buffet is not an emergency.

Superboy: Is too

Superboy: Okay, tired of being Impulse’s mouthpiece

Superboy: When are you coming over?

Red X: Is R still there at the tower?

Superboy: She left

Superboy: Said she had to go hunt

Red X: Wonder Girl?

Superboy: Went to visit her mom this morning

Red X: Then I’ll be right over.

Red X: Be ready for Juice Pong Extreme Edition.

Superboy: We using the skateboards?

Red X: You know it.

(ʘ言ʘ)=◯)`ν゜) Old Man

Wed, Apr. 13 8:54 PM
Deathstroke: Wait until your next birthday.

Deathstroke:
Today 12:21 PM
Red X: Please don't kill me.

Red X: I mean, I don't regret it.

Red X: There was about to be a repeat of the nanobots.

Red X: And while I'll never tell him, Nightwing is more important to me than your questionable ambitions.

Red X: He's the brother I always wanted.

Red X:

Red X: So I guess I just want to say

Red X: BRING IT BITCH.

ε=┌(;･_･)┘ Bat Butler

Today 12:28 PM
Red X: I might have started a fight I can't win, A.

Red X: Once I'm done hanging out with the TT, I'll be going underground for a bit.

Agent A: By that you mean the cave, yes?

Red X: Of course.

Red X: I'm not suicidal. I'll need everything B's got to win this war.

Red X: Just need to stop by a lab real quick for a pick up.

Agent A: I will move your things to your new room.

Red X: Oh come on. Don't tell me B already had that waiting for me.

Agent A: I shan't say a thing then.

Red X: See you in a bit, A!

Agent A: I'll be waiting.

(✿ʘ‿ʘ)爻(ʘ‿ʘ✿) Group: 2 Others

Today 5:57 PM
Red X: May I present to you what Nightwing will look like in a few years.

Red X:

Red Hood
Red Hood: Looking good N.

Nightwing
Nightwing: That looks nothing like me

Nightwing: The face isn’t even the right shape

Red X: I predict you’ll need plastic surgery some time down the road.

Red Hood
Red Hood: Couldn’t happen to a better guy.

Nightwing
Nightwing: Why are you two like this

Nightwing: What did I do to you

Red X: You handcuffed me to Mad Mod and left me with him.

Red Hood
Red Hood: You walked out on me and left me with B where I died all alone.

Today 5:59 PM
Nightwing
Nightwing:
Today 6:03 PM
Nightwing: I don’t remember that

(ד ྊ ד ) She Who Must Not Be Named

Today 7:04 PM
Ravager: Heard from dad

Ravager: He said he’s going to kick your ass

Ravager: Better start running Ein

Red X: Oh god what do I do

Ravager: Well if you want protection, I can give you a discount

Red X: How much.

Ravager: 1 favor of my choosing, clauses are non-negotiable

Red X: Rake me across the coals why don’t you.

Ravager: I can guarantee you life

Ravager: This is the least you can pay me

Red X: We both know you’ll use me for evil.

Red X: B will never talk to me again.

Ravager: Remember how Trigon enslaved my father to do his bidding

Red X: No, it was the other way around.

Ravager: Exactly

Red X: ...

Red X: I’m going to see if my dimensional portal gun works first.

Red X: Maybe I can lure him into falling in.

Red X: If that fails, I’ll call you.

Ravager: My offer remains open until your end date

（̷̧͒̾̓。̷͚̫͙̮͕̜͈̫͋̏□̷̧̛̝̤̟̮̼̥̟̋̆̍͑͐̎̇̆͜°̴̢̥͎͉̼͆̾̅̈́͝）̴̻̫̖̜̈́ B-Man

??? -:-- --
Red X: B, pick up.
Red X: Shit.

Red X: My contact is a quack of a scientist with no safety measures.

Red X: I accidentally fell through the portal and it closed on me.

Red X: Wait a minute you're looking straight at me?

??? -:-- --
Red X: Turns out I've landed in a world like ours.

Red X: There's a you, and a me, and all the others plus some.

Red X: Idsfh;odsf.

??? -:-- --
Red X: This B is a paranoid ass who almost destroyed my phone.

Red X: He hates Kaiser now but I'm glad K shocked the hell out of him.

Red X: Get this, apparently in this universe I'm a Bat!

Red X: Not sure if Red Robin is any better than Mallard though.

??? -:-- --
Red X: YOU HAVE A SON WITH TALIA
Red X:

??? -:-- --
Red X: He's a gremlin and I hate him

Red X: Other Me has friends! That's nice.

Red X: ...who might all be dead?

??? -:-- --
Red X: I just watched Other B punch Other Me in the face.

Red X: For saying he cares.

Red X: And I’ve been told Other B beat up Other Dick for disagreeing with him.

Red X: Enough to go to a hospital.

Red X: ...

Red X: ...

Red X: Dad, come get me. I’m scared.

?(*´･д･)ﾉ Admin Red X

??? -:--
Red X: Is anybody out there?

Red X: Hello?

Σ(‘◉⌓◉’) B-Man

??? -:--
Red X: B?

Red X: Still not working huh.

Red X: Don't look so down K. We'll find a way home.

Red X: Maybe not in one piece if I let this world's Alfred die though.

Red X: B, if you ever get these messages Ignore that one.

Red X: I'm perfectly fine and well.

Red X:

(≖‿≖) Clone Boy

??? -:--
Red X: Oh god 3v3rythings on fire

Red X: I didn't think a Bane of any universe could enslave Gotham

Red X: But here we are.

Red X: If I die, I want you to wear a SuperBat t-shirt to my funeral with a fancy tie over it.

Red X: Tell no one what it means.

Red X: If anyone asks

Red X: Do that little smug thing you do with your teeth and say

Red X: World's Finest.

(҂｀^´) Big Red Riding Hood

??? -:--
Red X: Hey Jay,

Red X: You know how you call me the most annoying little stalker you've ever had?

Red X: I found one worse than me.

Red X: It's like I'm being punished for ever wishing to be your little brother.

Red X: Damian is. So. Freaking. Annoying.

Red X: At least I thought you hung the stars in the night sky.

Red X: This kid keeps telling me I'm a waste of Gotham's toxic waste.

Red X: Yeah, read that one over again.

Red X: Worse.

Red X: He's a Dicky Fan.

Red X: He has both of us for older brothers and it's Dick who is the greatest thing of all time.

??? -:--
Red X: I'm not jealous. Shut up.

☆(>ω・) Roadrunner

??? -:--
Red X: Bart, buddy, I just wanted to let you know

Red X: I think your hair is awesome.

=͟͟͞͞(✹)`Д´) Loserwing

??? -:--
Red X: This is your fault

Red X: Why must you be so desirable by everyone who lays eyes on you?

Red X: Kidding.

Red X: I'm kidding.

Red X: The only person at fault is me for not taking better care.

Red X: When you meet our Damian, make sure you teach him about this.

Red X: Tell him of your greatest foe of all time being taken out by lack of safety precautions.

Red X: Also

Red X: Wear a damn helmet.

Red X: If you ever start calling yourself Ric I will hit you hard enough to have amnesia twice.

へ(｡•ิ‿ -〃) All Seeing One

??? -:--
Red X: Mighty Oracle, if anyone can recover Kaiser's signal across dimensions

Red X: It's you.

Red X: I may have undergone a suicide mission before you can reach me.

Red X: Sorry about that.

??? -:--
Red X: You were right though.

Red X: I make a cute blonde.

( ∩ˇωˇ∩) Clone Boy

??? -:--
Red X: It seems my disguise abilities are better than I could hope for.

Red X: I wasn't expecting to put them to the test so soon

Red X: But I barely made it out of the bathroom before I was getting picked up.

Red X: The gremlin looked about ready to give up on life.

Red X: It was great.

Red X: When I get back, we have to see if I can fool Superman!

Red X: You're up for it right?

??? -:--
Red X: I'll be looking forward to it, so don't give up on me yet, okay

ψ(｀∇´)ψ B-Man

??? -:--
Red X: B, you know how you said if I ever get displaced into another world, I am to keep my nose clean and my hands still

Red X: Yeah, sorry about that.

(⌐■_■) ???

Today 6:34 AM
Red X: Hood this is Red Robin

Red X: This might be a waste of time but I need to know

Red X: What did I do wrong

Red X: I must have deserved it, but I cannot figure out what it was I did

Red X: When Batman hit you did he ever say why

(｡•́︿•̀｡) Big Red Riding Hood

??? -:--
Red X: I almost feel bad for what I have unleashed on Other Me

Red X: At the same time, I'd want me to do this for me if I was in my other shoes

Red X: Maybe this can help Other You at the same time.

??? -:--
Red X: Hey Jay, I know you said you wanted to talk about it but it's okay if you want to continue to ignore all my ramblings to you when you were gone.

??? -:--
Red X: I get it now how important Bruce's letters were for you.

??? -:--
Red X: I'm glad you were my Robin.

(´⊙ω⊙`)！ 7 Wonders Girl

??? -:--
Red X: Cassie, I know we've had our differences.

Red X: But Bart has the better hair.

??? -:--
Red X: Also I need to know

Red X: Would our baby be part Zeus?

Red X: Because that would be awesome and horrifying in a Greek tragedy kind of way.

(づ￣ ³￣)づ Old Man

??? -:--
Red X: Slade.

Red X: Yes, I said it.

Red X: I wasn't avoiding your name because I was still scared.

Red X: To me, you are still Mr Dosletter.

Red X: I want you to know that you were the greatest thing to happen to me.

Red X: The Me of this world had a normalish childhood. He had actual friends not in the cape crusade.

Red X: But he didn't have you looking out for him.

Red X: He's breaking himself to fit Other Batman's expectations and the world is literally on fire.

Red X: There's no one telling him to be selfish or to draw lines in the sand.

Red X: Unlike me who never once cared about fitting anyone else's expectations.

Red X: To your frustration, I know.

??? -:--
Red X: When I get back

Red X: I'm going to break your face in

Red X: Then I'm going to give you a hug and tell you thank you.

Red X: You're going to wish you killed me when you had the chance.

(*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑ She Who Must Not Be Named

??? -:--
Red X: Rose.

Red X: I leave my entire criminal network to you in the event of my death.

Red X: Which you know because I signed a contract stating so.

Red X: But too bad for you

Red X: I'm not going to die.

Red X: When I get home, we're going to an amusement park where we will pretend to be normal kids

Red X: Until villains start destroying rides and you kill someone with a fence post anyway.

Red X: We're going to have embarrassing photos with fanny packs and animal ears on our heads.

Red X: We're going to both have I'm with stupid shirts.

Red X: I'll cash in that one particular favor if I have to.

(つ﹏<。) Bat Butler

??? -:--
Red X: A

Red X: I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I love you.

Red X: Which means if I fail to save your other self I won't be able to bear seeing you ever again.

Red X: Which means I won't fail.

??? -:--
Red X: I won't. I promise.

??? -:--
Red X: If I fail to come back, show the others the Bat family photo album I was putting together.

??? -:--
Red X: Sneak a photo of me in if you can.

...RECONNECTING BTS SYSTEM

Today 10:51 PM
Red X?: ...

Red X?: ...

| |: ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

(;￢_￢) B-Man

??? -:--
Red X: B, if you ever get these messages Ignore that one.

Red X: I'm perfectly fine and well.

Red X:

??? -:--
Red X: B, you know how you said if I ever get displaced into another world, I am to keep my nose clean and my hands still

Red X: Yeah, sorry about that.

Mon, Apr. 25 1:02 AM
Batman: Red X, report.

Mon, Apr. 25 1:18 AM
Batman: What's your situation?

Mon, Apr. 25 1:34 AM
Batman: You have ten minutes to pick up your communicator.

Mon, Apr. 25 1:45 AM
Batman: If you get this message.

Batman: I am on my way.

@ᴥ@ Roadrunner

??? -:--
Red X: Bart, buddy, I just wanted to let you know

Red X: I think your hair is awesome.

Sun, Apr. 24 9:23 AM
Impulse: Ive been good latelycan I hafve my pic priv back

Impulse: Pls

Impulse: I wont take 2many picture s proimise

Impulse: X u there

Impulse: X

Impulse: X

Impulse: X

Impulse: X

Impulse: X

Impulse: X

Impulse: U havent bannefd me yet

Impulse: Somethings wriogn

Impulse: Dont worry recuser inbound

Impulse:

Impulse: Ill grab the otehrs rgiht now

Sun, Apr. 24 9:24 AM
Impulse: U need m4 stickers

₍ᐢ﹘ܫ﹘ᐢ₎ Loserwing

??? -:--
Red X: When you meet our Damian, make sure you teach him about this.

Red X: Tell him of your greatest foe of all time being taken out by lack of safety precautions.

Red X: Also

Red X: Wear a damn helmet.

Red X: If you ever start calling yourself Ric I will hit you hard enough to have amnesia twice.

Mon, Apr. 25 1:48 AM
Nightwing: PIMA

Nightwing: Come in

Nightwing: I know you like to make me panic

Nightwing: But please answer

Mon, Apr. 25 2:04 AM
Nightwing: I'm worried

Nightwing: As is the others

Mon, Apr. 25 2:12 AM
Nightwing: Speak to me

Nightwing: Please

〜〜(／￣▽)／ All Seeing One

??? -:--
Red X: I may have undergone a suicide mission before you can reach me.

Red X: Sorry about that.

??? -:--
Red X: You were right though.

Red X: I make a cute blonde.

Mon, Apr. 25 1:37 AM
Oracle: Red X are you getting this message

Oracle: Network says that the REDX_AI is still connected to the MAIN_AI but the numbers aren't matching that

Mon, Apr. 25 2:03 PM
Oracle: Kaiser, run another scan on any missing or corrupted drives

Oracle: Packets are being sent and recieved so why does your address give out garbage data

Mon, Apr. 25 2:48 AM
Oracle: I will find you

Oracle: Count on it

d( ᵘ ꒳ ᵘ ✼) Clone Boy

??? -:--
Red X: When I get back, we have to see if I can fool Superman!

Red X: You're up for it right?

??? -:--
Red X: I'll be looking forward to it, so don't give up on me yet, okay

Sun, Apr. 24 6:53 AM
Superboy: Morning check in

Sun, Apr. 24 9:21 AM
Superboy: That's the second check in Kaiser's missed

Superboy: Three strikes X

Superboy: You're the one who asked me to do this when wake up

Superboy: Hope you're just doing the bat thing wherer[goqafdva

Sun, Apr. 24 9:27 AM
Superboy: Great job X

Superboy: I've been kidnapped by Impulse to rescue you

Superboy: And now I'm kidnapping one of the Zataras to find you

Superboy: You owe me for this

(｡•́︿•̀｡) Big Red Riding Hood

??? -:--
Red X: Hey Jay, I know you said you wanted to talk about it but it's okay if you want to continue to ignore all my ramblings to you when you were gone.

??? -:--
Red X: I get it now how important Bruce's letters were for you.

??? -:--
Red X: I'm glad you were my Robin.

Mon, Apr. 25 4:16 AM
Red Hood: Talk to me kid.

Red Hood: You don't go this long without sending a weird ass meme only you find funny.

Mon, Apr. 25 3:27 PM
Red Hood: Tim, where the hell are you?

Mon, Apr. 25 4:52 PM
Red Hood: You're worrying B. Not that I care, but he's going out of his mind with paranoia.

Tue, Apr. 26 12:51 PM
Red Hood: I'm coming after your ass, and if I find you worried me for nothing,

Red Hood: You are going to regret it.

(◕∀◕✿) 7 Wonders Girl

??? -:--
Red X: Would our baby be part Zeus?

Red X: Because that would be awesome and horrifying in a Greek tragedy kind of way.

Sun, Apr. 24 9:37 AM
Wonder Girl: I was still in the middle of eating when Impulse grabbed me

Wonder Girl: He ate my egg biscuit

Wonder Girl: You better be in real trouble

Sun, Apr. 24 10:24 AM
Wonder Girl: Zatanna is busy with the Justice League

Wonder Girl: So is every notible magician

Wonder Girl: which leaves us with the bottom of the barrel

Wonder Girl: You better appreciate this

Sun, Apr. 24 1:13 PM
Wonder Girl: Ugh

Wonder Girl: Zachary Zatara is an absolute ASS

Wonder Girl: He can't locate you using magic so we have to to find some artifacts first

Wonder Girl: Which he didn't actually need

Wonder Girl: He just wanted to see us running around with clovers taped to our heads like idiots

Wonder Girl: And he tricked us into being his assisstants for his next show

Wonder Girl: I am wearing a unitard for your ass

Wonder Girl: APPRECIATE ME

Sun, Apr. 24 3:37 PM
Wonder Girl: Oh my father, I hate him

(☉__☉”) Old Man

??? -:--
Red X: When I get back

Red X: I'm going to break your face in

Red X: Then I'm going to give you a hug and tell you thank you.

Red X: You're going to wish you killed me when you had the chance.

Sat, Apr. 23 6:47 PM
Deathstroke: You have done something stupid and reckless, haven't you.

(=🝦 ༝ 🝦=) She Who Must Not Be Named

??? -:--
Red X: When I get home, we're going to an amusement park where we will pretend to be normal kids

Red X: Until villains start destroying rides and you kill someone with a fence post anyway.

Red X: We're going to have embarrassing photos with fanny packs and animal ears on our heads.

Red X: We're going to both have I'm with stupid shirts.

Red X: I'll cash in that one particular favor if I have to.

Sun, Apr. 24 5:43 PM
Ravager: Mind telling me why Zataras magical frisbee hit me in the head while looking for you

Ravager: You have 5 minutes

Sun, Apr. 24 5:48 PM
Ravager: Well damn

Ravager: You had an accident with that portal gun didn't you

Sun, Apr. 24 5:50 PM
Ravager: If you are stuck in another dimension this does not count as you dying in our contract

Ravager: Which means I'm coming to save your scrawny butt

Ravager: Be ready for my payment

Tue, Apr. 26 9:08 PM
Ravager: Guess who just got Batman to sign a contract with them

Ravager: And you still owe me on top of that

ʕ´•㉨•`ʔ Bat Butler

??? -:--
Red X: If I fail to come back, show the others the Bat family photo album I was putting together.

??? -:--
Red X: Sneak a photo of me in if you can.

Sat, Apr. 23 11:30 PM
Agent A: You have missed today's meal. I hope you have a good explanation.

Sun, Apr. 24 11:30 PM
Agent A: You have missed today's meal as well.

Agent A: As you would not ignore the warning twice, I do believe you are in need of a rescue mission.

Agent A: I am contacting the others now.

...RECONNECTING BTS SYSTEM

Today 10:51 PM
Red X?: ...

Red X?: ...

| |: ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

| |: SENDING...

| |: ...MESSAGES RECEIVED

( ㆁ દ ㆁ ✿) Clone Boy

Sat, Jun. 11 11:38 PM
Superboy: Dude

Superboy: I was dead asleep

Superboy: And you throw this at me now

Superboy: I am not giving up on anybody at anytime

Superboy: We're getting you out whether you like or not

Superboy: I could do without the weird dimension jumping trying to find you though

Superboy: There was this me that had a real attitude problem

Superboy: He wouldn't stop frowning either

Superboy: You would have hated it

Superboy: Wait, did you say you're disguising yourself as a chick?

Superboy: You totally did

Superboy: You finally finished your Carol persona?

Today 8:11 PM
Red X: Carol was brilliant!

Red X: I have pictures.

Red X: Come over in the morning and I'll show you.

Superboy: I'll bring some of Ma's rhubarb jam

Ó╭╮Ò Big Red Riding Hood

Sat, Jun. 11 10:52 PM
Red Hood: I fucking knew it.

??? -:--
Red Hood: Kid

Red Hood: Tim

Red Hood: I am currently waist deep in portal shit trying to bring you home.

Red Hood: We are not doing this.

Red Hood: I haven't been ignoring you, you little twisted creep.

Red Hood: You wrote me hundreds of letters!

Red Hood: How much time do you think I have in a day?

Red Hood: Sometimes you wrote things in excrutiating detail or about things that leave me staring at a wall.

Red Hood: Sometimes you just ranted about why a pickle wasn't a cucumber.

Red Hood: We'll have that talk soon,

Red Hood: But you have to get your ass back here first.

??? -:--
Red Hood: Ah, shit.

Red Hood: Fuck

Red Hood: Hell

Red Hood: I might be late on that rescue.

??? -:--
Red Hood: You'll keep yourself alive long enough for the others to get to you, but there's no one here to save this version of you.

Red Hood: I can't just leave it like this.

??? -:--
Red Hood: Fuck the Joker.

??? -:--
Red Hood: Fuck them all.

Today 6:02 PM
Red X: I understand.

Red X: Be safe, Jason.

(/ω＼) 7 Wonders Girl

Sat, Jun. 11 10:57 PM
Wonder Girl: Our theorectical child would be a legacy if lucky, part Zeus if not

Wonder Girl: Note the theorectical

Wonder Girl: You may have got me to sign that stupid contract when I was recovering from my broken ankle

Wonder Girl: But that means I will do everything in my power to stay alive

Wonder Girl: If my heart stops for three seconds and I come back to a baby made in a glass tube

Wonder Girl: I will wring your neck

Today 7:40 PM
Red X: I see you were the only one to read the contract fully

Red X: Weird because you were high as a kite.

Wonder Girl: I don't remember a damn thing

Wonder Girl: I just know you well

Red X: You can't avoid temporarily dying in this field forever.

Red X: Our child will be amazing.

Red X:

Wonder Girl: HELL NO

⎧ᴿᴵᴾ⎫ ❀◟(ó ̯ ò, ) Old Man

Sat, Jun. 11 10:53 PM
Deathstroke: I'll give you a headstart of two full days after the day of your return.

Deathstroke: Use that time wisely.

Today 7:24 PM
Red X: Thanks for the mercy.

Red X:

／(￣ﾛ￣;)＼ She Who Must Not Be Named

Sat, Jun. 11 10:59 PM
Ravager: Amusement park huh

Ravager: Haven't been to one since mom died

Sat, Jun. 11 11:04 PM
Ravager: Yeah why not

Ravager: Might run into a bounty I'm looking for out in California

Ravager: You'll be paying for it all and I'll be the only one wearing the shirt

Today 8:57 PM
Red X: I have made mistakes.

Ravager: What are you talking about Ein

Red X: I can practically feel your evil smile.

Red X: We're biking to California and using their wildfires as part of a coverup aren't we

Ravager: We'll get cotton candy first

（⋆＾－＾⋆） All Seeing One

Sat, Jun. 11 10:55 PM
Oracle: You're too stubborn to die

Oracle: So don't quit on me yet

Oracle: Not when I'm this close to finding you

Oracle: Come back in one piece or I will find the worst successor possible to stain the Red X name.

Today 7:35 PM
Red X: Threaten my balls why don't you.

Oracle: Oh that was implied

Red X: Urk

Oracle: Glad it wasn't necessary

Red X: Thanks.

Red X: No really

Red X: Thank you for finding me.

Oracle: Always

@w@ Roadrunner

Sat, Jun. 11 10:51 PM
Impulse: Awwww

Impulse:

Impulse: Thx thx

Impulse: Love ur hair 2

Impulse: When u get back wekk share shqampoo secrets k

Today 6:27 PM
Red X: Impulse, buddy.

Red X: I lost my head and gave you your privelages back.

Red X: Then you spammed my phone with a record number of photos.

Red X: You're lucky I even decided to let you recieve texts.

Red X: The Batburger VS the Superburger photo was genius though.

Red X: I'll see about getting the Titans a social media account manager.

(´∀｀) Loserwing

Sat, Jun. 11 10:58 PM
Nightwing: Not going to lie

Nightwing: A little overwhelmed right now

Nightwing: But there's one thing you should know

Nightwing: I'm not telling our potential new brother about the one that was lost to us

Nightwing: Not again

Nightwing: Never again

Nightwing: You don't get to say you did this for me and die

Nightwing: Just hang on

Nightwing: I'll be there soon

Today 6:39 PM
Red X: ...you didn't actually show up.

Red X: I think I'm going to cry.

Red X:

Red X: Nah, don't worry about it.

Red X: R told me why you're still gone.

Red X: If anything, I'm the one ready to jump back into the portal and come get you.

Red X: Stay safe Nightwing.

Red X: Or I'll make things horrible for you.

Red X: I'm your Pain In My Ass after all.

(*´◕ω◕`*) B-Man

Sat, Jun. 11 10:51 PM
Batman: Tim are you there?

Sat, Jun. 11 10:53 PM
Batman: Don't do anything rash.

Mon, Jun. 13 2:09 AM
Batman: The portal is locking onto your location now.

Mon, Jun. 13 2:12 AM
Batman: Stay put and do not engage the Batman of that dimension.

Batman: That is an order.

Batman: Please listen to me for once.

Batman: Any version of me who can hit their Robin is not someone you can fix.

Mon, Jun. 13 4:34 AM
Batman: I know you were joking when you called me dad.

Batman: But I do think of you as my son.

Batman: My wonderful, irritating son.

Batman: You should have came to me the moment you didn't feel safe.

Batman: I'm sorry for failing you.

Batman: But when you get back, you are grounded.

Today 8:41 PM
Red X: ...am I still grounded?

Batman: Go to your room.

Red X: May I have a few minutes to catch up on recent events?

Batman: No.

Red X: Please? I've been away so long

Red X:

Batman: I will allow thirty minutes of computer time.

Red X:

(つ≧▽≦)つ Bat Butler

Sat, Jun. 11 11:08 PM
Agent A: Red X.

Agent A: Master Tim.

Agent A: Your words warm an old heart and alarm it into an attack all at once.

Agent A: There is no version of myself that would possibly accept his life over yours.

Agent A: While I respect your decision to keep your younger brother from getting in over his head,

Agent A: Respectfully, I don't give a damn.

Agent A: Come home, alive and well before my hand is forced to avenge you.

Agent A: And I have been "sneaking" in photos of yourself into the album long before now.

Agent A: You are not the only one who is capable of pulling a sleight of hand.

Today 9:06 PM
Red X: I'm home.

Agent A: I do believe you told me so when you hugged me after coming out of the portal.

Red X: Yeah

Red X: But I want to say it again.

Agent A: Then I too will say it again.

Agent A: Welcome home.

(ಸ >ಸ) Admin Red X

Today 1:34 PM
Red X: Have you guys seen this?

Red X:

Red X: Who's idea was this??

Red X: It comes from the merchandise line of

Red X: “Gotham’s Mysterious New Hero Ahiru”

Red X: Most of you know that means domesticated duck in Japanese.

Red X: ...

Today 1:38 PM
Red X: I will hunt you down.

Red X:

(❛◡˂̵ ̑̑✧) All Seeing One

Today 1:41 PM
Oracle: That was fast. It usually takes a week before someone tries to make merch

Red X: That is not what my beautiful bike looks like!

Oracle: Modern sleek design doesn't sell toys

Oracle: It’s not as interesting to look at either

Red X: And how did they get the logo I painted over??

Red X:



Oracle: It looks like it was lifted from the bike while it was still in the cave

Oracle: Image quality that good would certainly take a professional camera

Oracle:



Red X: Wait a minute

Red X: You

Red X: O are you funding yourself on merchandise of us

Red X: Is the Quackmobile your fault

Red X: O

Red X: Answer me.

Oracle: Got to go, duty calls

Red X: Is that duty designing more tshirts?!

Oracle: : )

(⎻▵ ⎻) B-Man

Today 1:50 PM
Red X: B, did you know about the new merch line?

Batman: Yes.

Red X: Are you responsible for this?

Batman: No.

Red X: Are you going to tell me who did it?

Batman: No.

Red X: You’re useless to me.

( ・◇・)？ Big Red Riding Hood

Today 3:11 PM
Red Hood: Fuck the patriarchy.

Red X: Jason you're back!

Red X: And this is the first thing you say?

Red Hood: Timbers, level with me.

Red Hood: You staying away from joker right?

Red X: Yes??

Red Hood: No creepy men are doing anything to you?

Red X: No??

Red X: I hesitate to ask but

Red X: What's this about?

Red Hood: Nothing that needs to be concerned about anymore.

Red Hood: Just remember that women have a right to their own bodies, and anyone who says otherwise deserves a bullet to the balls.

Red Hood: Got me?

Red X: Got it!

Red Hood: Oh, and Wonder woman can totally kick Batman's ass.

Red X: I’ll jot that down?

Red Hood: You do that. Going to sleep.

Red Hood: Wake me up and I’ll put you in a straight jacket again.

Red X: …again?

( ๑‾̀◡‾́)σ» Loserwing

Today 3:24 PM
Red X: How was the dimension from hell?

Nightwing: Like it was from hell

Nightwing: The next time I see you I’m hugging you

Red X: Please don’t.

Nightwing: I’ve seen things

Nightwing: I had to kick other Batman’s ass, other Jason’s ass, and even my own ass only for your other self to try to kick my ass for it

Nightwing: The least you could do is let me choke you

Red X: See, there’s the real reason you want me in arm’s length.

Red X: Speaking of asses

Red X: Did you sneak this into the update while I was gone??

Red X:

Nightwing: Is that mine

Nightwing:

Red X: Unfortunately.

Nightwing: That’s really close

Nightwing: Who took that

Nightwing: When and where

Red X: So you didn’t do it.

Nightwing: I know it looks great but putting my own butt as an emote is just weird

Red X: Oracle said she didn’t do it.

Nightwing: She’d claim doing that in a heartbeat if it was her

Red X: Yeah, so who…?

Red X: The only ones with access to the update files are me, Oracle, and Kaiser.

Red X: Wait a minute…

| |: ＼(￣▽￣)／

Red X:

Nightwing:

(☉౪ ☉)ﾉ ( ✿ Y ✿ ) Clone Boy

Today 3:47 PM
Superboy: How about we use this version to make a glow in the dark shirt

Superboy:

Superboy: Oh shoot

Superboy: Wrong number

Superboy: Forget you saw that

Red X: BETRAYAL

Red X: How could you?!

Red X: I let you touch my fake boobs!

Superboy: They were kind of small

Red X: DOUBLE BETRAYAL

Red X: I can’t believe you

Red X: You didn’t mind when we were all alone in your room.

Superboy: I couldn’t say no when you were waving them in my face

Red X: You ripped my shirt to get to my jugs you beast

Red X: AND NOW I FIND OUT YOURE HELPING WITH THE MERCH

Superboy: Revenge for my shirts baby mama

Red X: I’m going to go drown myself in icecream and Spanish soaps.

Red X: I hope you feel proud of yourself.

Superboy: I do

Superboy: I hope you cry as you watch a spanish mama cry while holding her baby all alone

Red X: My baby daddy is the worst.

Red X:

(〇o〇；) She Who Must Not Be Named

Today 4:04 PM
Ravager: Good news

Ravager: I’ve managed to distract my father with minimum effort which means the fee will be cheap

Ravager: Bad news

Ravager: Your last name is now Drake-Wayne-Wilson

Red X: WHAT THE HELL

Ravager: You might want to shorten it to D-W-W or just Drake.

Red X: I don’t

Red X: I

Red X: Why?

Ravager: Because your pain empowers me

Today 4:09 PM
Red X: No

Red X: dsa;kdfjh

Red X: I refuse

Red X: I refuse to be related to you

Ravager: Better move fast then Ein

Ravager: You might want to reverse that name change before it goes through tomorrow

Today 4:26 PM
Red X: How likely are your dead brothers going to come after me for being a Wilson?

Ravager: For being dead they're both very pissed off and crazy

Ravager: Jericho's pansy ghost ass just killed a man last month while trying to hurt dad

Ravager: What do you think your chances are

Red X: Shit.

(っ˘ڡ˘ς) 7 Wonders Girl

Today 5:12 PM
Wonder Girl: The mastermind has told me to tell you that until you use the name Ahiru

Wonder Girl: You’re not allowed any royalties from the merch line

Red X: Et tu, WG?

Wonder Girl: I was contacted in case you want to go legitimate

Wonder Girl: They want me to showcase your hero persona on the official Titans twitter

Red X:

Wonder Girl: I was bribed with a quackmobile lunchbox

Wonder Girl: That thing can take one of my hits without denting

Wonder Girl: I’m getting Diana one

Red X: You are the second worst baby daddy.

Red X: It'll be all on me to make sure our daughter will not be so uncouth.

Wonder Girl: Second worst

Wonder Girl:

Wonder Girl: I’ll have to work hard to make it to first

(_　_|||) Bat Butler

Today 7:43 PM
Red X: A, everyone’s picking on me!

Red X:

Agent A: There, there.

Agent A: I imagine they are just relieved to see you home and well.

Red X: You think so?

Agent A: Of course, who else can they make fun of without causing a city-wide incident?

Red X: It’s getting harder to keep the rose tinted glasses on.

Agent A: I have never seen anyone work harder at it than yourself.

Agent A: Cheers to ignoring our darker feelings for the positive, Master Ahiru.

Red X:

(╥﹏╥) Roadrunner

Today 6:20 PM
Impulse: Ordered me shirt

Impulse:

Impulse: Ima buy one4 granspa and greatgrandpa and my cousin once removed

Red X: BETRAYAL ON ALL FRONTS

Red X:

Red X: Banned!

Red X: Banned for the rest of the day!

Red X: And some of tomorrow!

Red X: I trusted you.

Red X: You were supposed to be the baby daddy I could count on.

Red X: Instead I’m going to end up a single mother who jumps in front of a bus while cursing you to be forgotten by everything including the dogs.

Red X: There will be soft acoustic guitars at my funeral while people hold my crying babies.

Red X: It will all be your fault.

(♡≧ 𓎺 ≦)=ъ Loserwing

Today 11:39 PM
Nightwing: I missed out on the joke

Nightwing:

Nightwing: I still got my shirt!

Impulse:
Red X: I’M BANNING YOU TOO

Nightwing: Before you do that

Nightwing: Tim

Nightwing: I need to ask you

Nightwing: Be my Ducky

Red X: Adding a middle finger emote to the next update.

(；゜○゜)ア B-Man

Today 2:38 AM
Batman: Stop trying to hack the accounts.

Batman: You won’t get a penny until you’re wearing a Bat approved costume.

Red X: IT WAS YOU

Red X: I KNEW IT

Red X: B, why?

Red X: I’m getting fanmail from preschoolers for a hero that doesn’t exist!

Red X: I’m getting all kinds of drawings from people claiming they’ve seen me.

Red X: Every picture of me is different.

Batman: Believe it or not, it wasn’t me that started this.

Red X: BULL

Batman: Your Other self thought it would be funny.

Red X: What.

Batman: Before we left he sat me down and gave me a business pitch.

Batman: It was impressive.

Batman: It was detailed and there were flowcharts.

Red X: Are you saying the one responsible for Ahiru…

Red X: …is me?

Batman: He had a costume designed if you want to look at it.

Red X: B where is the portal gun.

Batman: Destroyed because locking it away would be asking for trouble.

Red X: You lie.

Red X: You can’t let go of anything that upsets you.

Red X: Where is it.

Today 2:52 AM
Red X: Don’t bother trying to hide it somewhere else.

Red X: I’m going to find it and punch other me in the face.

t( -_- t ) Big Red Riding Hood

??? -:- -
Red X: So it turns out I hate school.

Red Hood: What?

Red X: Yeah, seems kids my age can be even more annoying than me.

Red Hood: Imagine that.

Red Hood: What’s with that time stamp?

Red X: Oh, that happens because of the temporal displacement between universes.

Red Hood: Wait a minute.

Red Hood: Wait a damn minute.

Red Hood: You did not just get your ass stuck in another dimension.

Red Hood: Not after all that.

Red Hood: YOU GODDAMN IDIOT!

Red X: Relax, I’m not stuck.

Red Hood: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RELAX?

Red X: Stop with the capslock for one.

Red Hood: I’M NOT USING CAPS LOCK.

Red X: Uh yeah, you are?

Red Hood: YOUR STUPID AI IS DOING IT BECAUSE I AM CURRENTLY SCREAMING AT IT.

Red X: Oh.

Red X: Well, don’t do that.

Red Hood: HOW CAN I STOP WHEN YOU DECIDED TO DO THE UNIVERSE THING AGAIN FOR SOME REASON?

Red X: Well, for one, Kaiser did nothing wrong. Don’t scream at them.

Red Hood: I’M SCREAMING AT IT BECAUSE I CAN’T SCREAM AT YOU.

Red X: Two, B was already one step ahead of me this time.

Red X: The coordinates on the portal gun sent me to a dimension of his choosing.

Red X: He can bring me back at any time with a press of the button

Red X: But he’s decided on punishing me.

Red X: So you can relax

Red X: Because he’s monitoring me from the computer like the overlord he is.

Red Hood: AND WHERE IS THAT EXACTLY.

Red X: You really should stop screaming. It’s bad for your health.

Red Hood: ANSWER THE QUESTION DUMBASS.

Red X: He set the gun to shoot me to a Peaceful Place

Red Hood: AND?

Red X: Ugh, you’re going to make me type it with my own hands

Red X: Fine.

Red X: He sent me to some weird Batman academy, okay?!

Red Hood:

Red X: I’m being taught the correct way to Super Heroing, and I was somehow expected

Red X: Even being from a whole different universe

Red X: That’s not unusual here apparently.

Red Hood: B sent you to…Batman School for Super Heroing?

Red X: I hate it here.

Red X: So much.

Red Hood:

Red X: Oh shut up.

(´-ω-`) B-Man

??? -:- -
Red X: B, you suck.

Red X: The food is intolerable garbage.

Red X: The kids are dumb.

Red X: The teachers think I’m a delinquent in need of straightening out.

Red X: The kids are dumb.

Red X: Masks aren’t a thing in school hours, so everyone’s trying to demask me.

Red X: It’s even turned into a game.

Red X: There’s nothing to do.

Red X: The kids are dumb.

Red X: I already know enough to graduate except I failed ethics.

Red X: You have to pass with a 95 or higher in ethics to graduate.

Red X: Have I mentioned the kids are dumb??

Batman: Think of this as the school experience you missed out on.

Red X: Your pettiness only feeds my need for revenge.

Batman: If you’re good, I will send the Quackmobile and give permission to use it.

Red X: If you don’t get me out of here, I’m going to snap and become a real villain.

Batman: It will give your classmates good practice for the real world.

Red X: I hate you. So much.

Batman: Work hard, chum.

(╭ರ_•́) All Seeing One

??? -:- -
Oracle: How’s school going?

Red X: Oidhhrf

Oracle: That bad huh

Oracle: Make any friends at least

Red X: N. O.

Oracle: Joined any extracurriculars?

Red X: Cold Case Mystery Detectives.

Oracle: Oh that sounds interesting

Oracle: Any fun

Red X: It was until everyone began suspecting I was the killer in question.

Oracle: Ouch

Oracle: Let me guess

Oracle: You solved too many cold cases

Red X: All of them. I solved all of them.

Red X: The ones the club pulled up anyway.

Red X: Now everyone thinks I’m some sort of interdimensional Moriarty.

Oracle: Problems of being a genius

Oracle: I too had those problems

Red X: Of being some sort of evil grandmaster?

Oracle: I was voted Most Likely To Be A Serial Killer Working As A Cop

Red X: Oh.

Red X: Yeah, I can kind of see it.

Oracle: That’s what they all said too

⊂((・▽・))⊃ Bat Butler

??? -:- -
Red X: Thanks for the lunchboxes.

Red X: It makes lunchtime somewhat bearable.

Agent A: Your dietary needs are not one I can leave up to a stranger.

Agent A: And I cannot abide that atrocious menu full of what they call food.

Red X: You’re the best, A.

Red X: Think you can pack some unhealthy processed sweets and soda into the next one?

Red X: Promise I won’t eat them.

Red X: They make good bribes.

Agent A: I’ll see what I can do.

Agent A: Remember that it’s easier to addict a person on one kind of sweet than to try to use variety to appeal to their senses.

Agent A: Target the ones that don’t eat healthy to begin with as they are less likely to find processed sweets repulsive.

Agent A: I would also look into their dental records to see who had the most cavities.

Red X: This.

Red X: This is why you’re my favorite.

Red X:

†_(ﾟｰﾟ*) She Who Must Not Be Named

??? -:- -
Ravager: Did you ever reverse the adoption

Red X: Why are you asking?

Ravager: I have to list down siblings. You one of them or not

Red X: …I know better than to ask what you’re doing.

Red X: But yes, I was able to remain Drake and only Drake.

Red X: Your undead brothers/uncle won’t come after me now, right?

Ravager: Maybe

Ravager: Or them knowing dad tried to adopt you might push them over the edge

Red X: See this is why I know he loves you and not me

Red X: If he actually cared about my well-being, he’d stay away from me.

Ravager: True

Ravager: But you’re the only child he took care of that hasn’t died yet

Ravager: So maybe he thinks your unkillable

??? -:- -
Red X: Is Grant still a zombie?

Ravager: No he got lasered into nothing

Red X: Oh good.

Red X: It’ll be a while before he comes back.

Ravager: Jerichos still being a pain though

Ravager: Watch out for people suddenly developing glowing green eyes

Red X: Great.

Red X: At least I have some time to research exorcisms.

Ravager: Most of them are a sham

Ravager: Majority of possessed people suddenly become not possessed when under threat of having their heads cut off

Red X: I don’t want to know how you came to know that.

??? -:- -
Ravager: You know that duckboy merch that s hot in gotham

Red X: No I don’t.

Red X: And it’s Ahiru.

Ravager: It’s Duckboy, duckboy

Ravager: The titans hooked me up

Red X: No

Red X: Not you too

Red X:

Red X: Please say you didn’t buy a tshirt!

Ravager: I didn’t buy a tshirt

Red X: Oh thank god

Ravager: I bought these

Ravager:

Ravager:

Ravager: Much more useful

Red X:

（*＾3＾） Clone Boy

??? -:- -
Red X: Don’t tell anyone but I think I’ve found my ticket to teleportation.

Superboy: Oh man that’s awesome

Red X: There’s this nerd who carries around this formula book.

Red X: I took a peek at it and saw some interesting stuff.

Red X: I just need a copy of it.

Superboy: You going to steal their book phantom thief style or by seduction?

Red X: Please.

Red X: Who do you think I am?

Red X: I’m going to do both.

Red X: First I’m going to get my Angeline disguise out and meet him in the city on the weekend.

Superboy: Oooh good choice

Superboy: Angeline is fine

Red X: I’ll date him a few times and then ask to look at the book.

Red X: And while I’m looking the lights will go out and there will be a panicked stampede started by something breaking and someone screaming

Red X: The lights come on, the book is gone, and my dress is strategically ripped

Superboy: Are you going to cry? If so, go with gritty darkness no 4

Superboy: It makes the best mess when wet

Red X: You bet I am.

Red X: That’s not even the best part.

Red X: I’m going to use the stunt for my ethics test

Red X: I’ll give it back saying I recovered it to help nerd boy, and swear that I never looked or copied it under a truth enchantment

Red X: If asked who did it, I can say Angeline with confidence.

Superboy: But you are going to copy it

Red X: No I’m not.

Red X: Kaiser is.

Superboy: Dude

Superboy: Awesome

Red X: I know!

ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ) Loserwing

??? -:- -
Red X: When you date a girl, what are things you remember most about her and what happened?

Nightwing: The tight dress

Nightwing: The makeup around her eyes

Nightwing: Her bra

Nightwing: Perfume and the shift of her legs

Nightwing: Wait why

Red X: No reason, thanks!

Nightwing: Are you using me for evil again

Red X: Wouldn't dream of it.

─=≡Σ(([ ⊐•̀⌂•́]⊐ 7 Wonders Girl

??? -:- -
Wonder Girl: Congrats on graduating

Red X: Thank you.

Wonder Girl: Even though that was really fast and I doubt you’re a legitimate hero now

Red X: Hey!

Wonder Girl: Still, we’ll have a pizza waiting for you.

Red X:

Wonder Girl: Impulse says hi

Red X: Tell him if he eats my pizza he’s dead to me.

♪～Σ^)／ B-Man

??? -:- -
Batman: For passing your ethics exam, I’m sending you the Quackmobile and some money to spend celebrating.

Red X: It’s not the Quackmobile.

Red X: But I’ll be glad to not have to steal anymore bikes.

Red X: I mean borrow.

Red X: Don’t look at me like that. Do you honestly see me using public transportation with an entire school trying to demask me?

Batman: I see your point.

??? -:- -
Red X: B.

Red X: B.

Red X: What is this

Red X:

Red X: I was testing the bike out in the garage.


Red X: I hit the horn.


Red X: THIS IS WHAT CAME OUT.


Red X:

Red X: Do you know how loud this was in the garage?!


Red X: Everyone in the building heard it!


Red X: I had to pretend to be confused about where the sound of ducks were coming from like everyone else!!


Red X: Why?!


Batman: Because you may have passed your ethics exam, but you cheated.


Red X: You don’t know that.


Batman: I know you.


Batman: Your ethics are as questionable as ever.


Red X: You had to know I wouldn’t stay in hero school for long.


Batman: Oh, I did.


Batman: But I hope this sticks as a lesson about using the portal gun.


Red X: It sure did.


Batman: Really.


Red X: Yes. Next time I will not announce that I’m taking it.


Batman: Tim.


Red X: I will also check the coordinates.


Batman: Tim.


Red X: And to do good, I must do bad


Batman: No, Tim.


Red X: I also learned that I can destroy my enemies by driving hormonal women into a rage


Red X: Introduce a chocolate supply then cut it off and blame the lack of chocolate on someone else.


Batman: I am regretting not sending you to Justice Camp.

(╯˘ -˘ )╯ Big Red Riding Hood

Today 4:24 PM
Red Hood: Hey Timbers.

Red Hood: ‘Bout time we had that talk.

Red X: …okay.

Red Hood: Bring your mask.

Red X: …you’re not planning for us to fight to the death, are you?

Today 4:28 PM
Red X: Jason?

Red Hood: What would you do if I said yes?

Red X: Run away.

Red Hood: Figures.

Red Hood: Don’t be an idiot.

Red Hood: Since when do we ever do anything dramatic without our masks?

Red X: Oh, good point.

Red X: …see you soon Jason.

Red Hood: See you.

(´>_●)メ(>_<｀) Group: 2 Others

Today 11:03 AM
Red X: Are you two still in your overprotective phase?

Red Hood
Red Hood: What did you do this time?

Nightwing
Nightwing: Wait

Nightwing: Let's hear him out before we decide to chuck him off the roof

Red X: Rude.

Red X: I have done nothing wrong ever in my life.

Red X:

Red Hood
Red Hood: I watched you literally steal candy from a baby.

Nightwing
Nightwing: You filmed the Titans reading fanfiction of us and posted it to the internet

Nightwing: Wait

Nightwing:

Nightwing: You just watched him steal from a baby

Nightwing:

Red Hood
Red Hood: Focus on the real issue here.

Red Hood: What is he trying to con us into this time?

Red X: I feel like you don't love me.

Nightwing
Nightwing: We do

Nightwing: We just want to pop your head sometimes

Nightwing: Like a balloon

Nightwing:

Red Hood
Red Hood: Tim. What did you do.

Red X: I haven't done anything!

Red X: Stop looking at the phone like that.

Red X: I'm being serious here.

Red X: As you know, my birthday is in a couple of days.

Today 11:12 AM
Nightwing
Nightwing: Tim?

Nightwing: Tim you're scaring me

Nightwing:

Red X: Slade promised to come get me. Says he has a present for me.

Red X: He said to update my will just in case.

Red Hood
Red Hood: EXCUSE ME

Nightwing
Nightwing: HE DID WHAT

Red X: Please stop yelling at Kaiser.

Nightwing
Nightwing: TO THE CAVE NOW

Red X: I didn't do anything!

Red Hood
Red Hood: You exist.

Red Hood: Shit.

Red Hood: I'm going to need more bullets.

ヽ((◎д◎　))ゝ She Who Must Not Be Named

Today 11:34 AM
Red X: How much do I have to pay you to distract your father?

Today 11:48 AM
Ravager: Too late he already paid me to help kidnap you

Red X: What???

Ravager: It's going to be a birthday to remember

Red X: Oh My God.

Red X:

Red X: l'm going to die.

Red X: Why tell me this?

Ravager: Nothing in the contract says I can't give you a head's up

Ravager: Its your birthday present from me

Red X:

Red X: I had a good life.

Today 11:56 AM
Ravager: Stop being dramatic

Ravager: You know I can't be directly involved in your death

Ravager: Or else our agreement about me getting your stuff is void

( ˘ ³˘)♥ Clone Boy

Today 1:07 PM
Red X: Listen

Red X: I know you wanted to throw a pre-birthday party

Red X: But I'm not feeling so good right now

Superboy: What's wrong?

Red X: I came down with something

Red X:

Superboy: Need me to bring you soup?

Red X: It's not a cold

Red X: It's the overwhelming urge to lie down and wonder what happens to me when I die

Superboy: That's called an existential crisis

Superboy: Want me to bring you soup?

Red X: Only if Ma makes it with the shredded meat in it

Superboy: I'll go ask

Today 1:16 PM
Superboy: Ma made me help with the barn door

Superboy: But soup is a go

Red X: Yay

Red X: I'll be waiting under the bed at the manor

Red X: Bring some bread with you

Superboy: Don't know how you get away with eating under there

Superboy: Ma would kill me

Red X: That's because

Red X: I have done nothing wrong ever in my life.

Red X:

Superboy: I know this and I love you

Superboy: Which is why I'm bringing you some pie too

Red X: I will tell our child of your legend.

(눈‸눈) All Seeing One

Today 2:41 PM
Red X: Can you tell the others to stop going overboard?

Oracle: You're the one who burst into tears about getting kidnapped on your birthday

Red X: That was repressed trauma coming out.

Red X: I'm good now.

Oracle: Tim tam

Oracle: There is a reason no one takes you seriously

Oracle: Your fine tends to be somewhere near death's door

Red X: I've had time to calm down and think about it

Red X: R won't let me die.

Oracle: I caught you updating your will

Red X: Well yeah.

Red X: Accidents happen.

Oracle: Tim, I don't know how to say this gently

Oracle: But if anything happened to you right now

Oracle: Nightwing and Hood will go fucking crazy and kill everyone

Oracle: Let them wrap you in bubblewrap

Red X: It itches!!

Oracle: Deal with it

Red X:

Oracle: No buts

Oracle: Fine work of art or not

Red X: At least get B to stop thinking about putting me in the holding cell

Today 3:05 PM
Oracle: He says only if you allow him to microchip both your legs

Red X: Why the legs?

Oracle: Because he's already got your neck and arms

Red X:

Ψ( - ⎽ ☆ )↝ Old Man

Sun, July 12 7:02 PM
Deathstroke: Update your will.

Deathstroke: Just in case.

Red X: Why do you do this to me?

Tue, July 14 2:11 PM
Red X: I hate you

Red X: With all my hate.

Today 3:48 PM
Red X: I have just one request.

Red X: When you inevitably take me hostage

Red X: PLEASE Do Not sing the birthday song

Red X: Even if it's the last nice thing you ever do for me.

Deathstroke: You can't have a birthday without singing.

Red X: I'm pretty sure all the people you murdered during the song would disagree.

Deathstroke: I promise not to take you to hell this time.

Red X: ODfsoh therer goes my repression

Deathstroke:

Red X: You used the emotes

Red X: Oh my god I'm going to die

~（。□°）~ ???

??? -:-- --
???: Hello?

???: Is this Jay or Nick?

Red X: No.

Red X: …I’d ask how you got this number when it’s a network of my own design

Red X: But I can tell from the timestamp what happened.

Red X: Dimension traveling?

???: I am trying to. Attempting it.

Red X: You’re not a supervillain are you?

Red X: ...?

Red X: Hello?

???: …not anymore.

Red X: Should I ask?

???: Please don’t.

Red X: Okay

Red X: So my questionable and unknown friend

Red X: Is there something I can do for you? You are kind of compromising my security.

???: Sorry I’m looking for two angels of mine. I didn’t mean to hack your network.

Red X: Literal angels or figurative ones?

???: I’m not sure.

Red X: That’s not a lot to go on.

???: I know.

???: I’m sorry I’ll go now.

Red X: Well I hope you find who you’re looking for

Red X: Assuming you’re not evil and out to get them.

???: Thanks, I like your AI.

Red X: Thanks, I made him from the body of my enemies.

???: Goodbye.

Red X: Goodbye!

Red X:

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻┻ Admin Red X

Today 1:07 PM
Red X: I am pleased to announce the next update for the BTS!

Red X: I know there's not much in the update but

Red X: since I have nothing to do

Red X: BECAUSE SOMEONE PUT ME ON A CHILD LEASH -B-

Red X: I thought I'd do something productive with my time.

Red X: Instead of something duller like education and working for a living.

Red X:

Red X: Basically we have moving stickers now.

/ᐠ_ ꞈ _ᐟ\ All Seeing One

Today 1:14 PM
Oracle: I'd ask how bored are you, but I can still see you're where Batman left you

Red X: And yet you do nothing.

Oracle: Sooner or later he'll get tired of you and let you off the leash

Red X: I don't think he will.

Red X: I'm going to die tied to the batcomputer.

Oracle: It's better than being tied to his belt

Red X: Don't remind me.

Red X: I think B has mentally scarred me worse than Slade ever did.

Oracle: Look on the bright side

Red X: Which is?

Oracle: You have Leilo to keep you company

Oracle: Not sure why she hasn't busted you out yet though

Red X: I love her with all my heart

Red X: But she's already betrayed me for a can of tuna.

Red X: Anytime I have an opportunity to escape

Red X: She sits on me and purrs!

Red X:

Oracle: Ouch


Oracle: Bested by your weakness to love and all things cute

Σ(゜゜) (´ ❥ `) Big Red Riding Hood

Today 1:51 PM
Red Hood: How’s the leashed life?

Red X: Screw you

Red Hood: You wish.

Red Hood: Wait, you just might.

Red Hood: Are you even straight?

Red X: That’s a very personal question to bring up all of a sudden.

Red X: You should be ashamed of yourself.

Red Hood: Kid,

Red Hood: You’re really saying that after everything I’ve done for you.

Red X: Well, are YOU straight?

Red Hood: Pretty much.

Red Hood: See how easy that was?

Red X: That's not an answer that sounds very straight.

Red Hood: It's what's written down on my profile in the Batcomputer.

Red Hood:

Red Hood: Now spill it.

Red X: I am…

Red X: …

Red Hood: …

Red X: …

Red Hood: Timbers.

Red X: …not sure?

Red X: I guess you could say

Red X: My sexuality is a Work in Progress?

Red Hood: Well, how do you feel when see a boy?

Red X: Like they’re an ATM.

Red Hood: …what about when you see a girl?

Red X: …like they’re an ATM?

Red Hood: How about someone that doesn’t fit either?

Red Hood: Don’t say ATM.

Red X: Like they’re a cash cow.

Red Hood: What do you think about when the hormones hit you?

Red Hood: The sexual ones I mean.

Red X: Uh

Red X: Do you mean What Do I Think About during the special Me Time?

Red Hood: Jesus, I hate having to talk about this shit with you.

Red Hood: YES.

Red X: I like to imagine myself on a heist

Red X: Getting by with the skin of my teeth

Red X: And outsmarting everyone who attempts to catch me

Red X: Before swimming in a sea of gold and jewels.

Red X: Solving unsolvable cases without anyone knowing.

Red X: Reveling in the feeling of outsmarting everyone from the shadows

Red X: As everyone dances to my tune.

Red Hood: …

Red X: …

Red Hood: Congrats.

Red Hood: You’re a weirdo.