Archive of Our Own ^beta

Buck has trouble sleeping.

He didn't used to. Or maybe he did.

He’s too tired to remember.

His days are the same.

He gets up for the day, dragging himself out of bed, haphazardly searching his nightstand until he grabs his phone.

He opens his phone, checking his messages. He usually has at least one.

Maybe from Maddie, or from Chimney about Maddie.

Or from Hen and Karen, asking him to babysit Denny so Hen could study, or so they could have a date night, or so they could take Hen’s mother to her doctor appointments.

Sometimes from Bobby, checking in on him. Or from Athena, much more subtly checking in on him.

Possibly from May, regaling her friend with some paragraph long-texts about the craziest calls from her night shift.

More recently, he’s been waking up to texts from Taylor, informing him that he better be free for drinks soon and that he’s paying next time they meet up.

On the good mornings, which happen more often than not, he’ll wake up to a text from Eddie or Christopher, asking him to come over after his shift or just texting him for no reason at all. His camera roll is filled with pictures of the doodles Christopher has sent.

And then Buck will rush out of bed, having already put himself behind schedule, despite the fact that he’s never actually been on schedule for his morning routine.

He’ll step into the scorching shower, hoping the steam from the shower will lessen the bags under his eyes.

He’ll brush his teeth at the kitchen sink, as he gets his coffee cup ready, before rushing out the door, his clothes unkempt but intact.

He’ll text everyone back while making his way down to his car, almost spilling his coffee three or four times before he drains it halfway to the station.

He’ll blast the music so loud on the way into work that he’s afraid of permanent hearing loss, but the bass keeps him alert and focused on the road.

He’ll pull up next to Eddie’s truck, the man having arrived minutes before his friend, already in the station. He’ll walk in a few minutes before his shift begins, greeting everyone he passes and ruffling Albert’s hair as the boy cleans the firetruck, the new firefighter still desperate to please his captain, despite the fact that Bobby already loves the kid.

He’ll change into his uniform, talking with Hen or Chimney as he does, before heading upstairs to pour himself another cup of coffee, only to find a steaming cup on the table waiting for him.

He’ll smile at Bobby’s thoughtfulness, draining the cup before joining his friends in the kitchen or in the living room, as they wait for their first call.

He’ll make his way through the day, joking with Eddie, texting with Taylor, facetiming Christopher when Carla lets him, and doing his best to ignore the way his heart starts to beat faster every time Eddie steps out of the firetruck on each call.

Hen and Chimney will shoot Buck weird looks, whenever Buck insists on entering a burning building before his partner, or whenever he’ll push Eddie back towards the truck as soon as the call is finished.

He doesn’t talk to Eddie on calls anymore. He doesn’t waste any time.

Because last time, when Eddie and Buck were talking about everything and nothing, Eddie was shot and there was blood and Buck couldn’t reach his friend and if he had just been in the damn firetruck …

Bobby doesn’t say anything to Buck, just letting the man be.

Eddie doesn’t say anything either, but he frowns each time Buck rushes them along or doesn’t respond to any of his jokes while on call.

But as soon as Buck gets back to the station, everything is normal again. He helps Bobby cook dinner, and plays video games with Eddie, and jokes with Chimney, and helps Hen restock the ambulance.

And he never goes to the bunks, even when he feels dead on his feet and Bobby practically orders him to.

He knows he won’t fall asleep. And even if he does …

So Buck stays awake. He bakes when he feels tired. Sugar and caffeine are a life-saver now. And no one really complains that Buck makes cupcakes from scratch during their shift.

Except for Bobby, who jokes about being usurped, with that patented look of worry on his face.

Or Eddie, who frowns at his best friend when Buck’s back is turned.

And then, the shift over. But Buck’s night is just beginning.

Sometimes he heads over to Hen’s house, to pick up Denny so he can babysit one of his favorite kids.

Or maybe he joins Athena and Bobby for dinner.

Or he meets with May at her favorite coffee shop, either before her morning shift or before her night shift.

Or he goes to Maddie’s apartment, to spend time with his favorite niece and give the couple a few minutes to breathe.

Or he goes for drinks with Taylor.

And sometimes, if he’s really lucky (and he often is), he drives to the Diaz house with Eddie, where he spends the night watching Pixar movies with Christopher and cooking dinner for his favorite boys.

And much later, after he’s finished with dinner or coffee or drinks or babysitting or the movie, he makes his way back to his apartment.

The drive is in stark contrast to his morning commute, where his music is blaring through the speakers and Buck is singing at the top of his lungs, trying to push past his exhaustion as he gets ready to face the day.

His evening commute is silent. No music, just the sounds of the car on the road.

He’ll drag himself upstairs, actually gripping the stair railing as he starts to crash from the sugar and the caffeine and the smile he puts on his face when he sees other people.

He usually won’t even change out of his clothes when he falls into his bed, too exhausted to even move.

But he doesn’t fall asleep.

He can’t.

Every time he does, his heart starts to race, like it does whenever Eddie is out on a call. Buck usually spends most of the night struggling to keep his eyes open while also forcing himself not to call his best friend, just to check in on him when he knows Eddie is fine.

Eddie is fine!

Buck will eventually drift off, sometime between 3 and 4 am usually, only to wake up in a cold sweat a few hours later when his alarm goes off and he’s finally pulled from his nightmare.

Where he couldn’t reach Eddie in time. Where he was too late. Where he had to tell Christopher that his dad was dea-

And then he gets up for the day, haphazardly searching his nightstand until he grabs his phone.

And the cycle repeats itself.

________________________________________

“Buck?” Christopher asks, as the man is once again in the Diaz House, cooking dinner for his favorite boys. “What are you making?”

“Tamales,” Buck answers. “It’s a recipe your Abuela shared with me.”

“Abuela shared a recipe with you?” Eddie asks, as he cleans the pan Buck is already finished with. It’s part of the deal he made with the man, if Buck is going to cook for them, then Eddie is going to clean. Buck would have been fine with doing the dishes, but Eddie insisted. “She shared that recipe with you?”

“Yeah, why?” Buck asks, frowning at his friend.

“When did she do that?” Eddie asks.

Buck grimaces at the memory, turning to Christopher. “Hey Chris, can you go grab my phone? Your dad is charging it in his room.”

“Sure!” Christopher says, before rushing off. He always loves when Buck asks him to help, instead of constantly insisting on helping him.

Buck turns back towards Eddie. “It was … a few weeks ago. After ... I asked her what I could cook, to try to get Christopher to eat more, so she gave me the recipe. Is that a problem? Should I not be making it?”

“No!” Eddie insists. “No, please don’t. Chris and I love those. It’s just … I’m surprised she shared the recipe with you. She usually never does, especially not the family recipes. The other night, when I took Ana over to meet her, she wouldn’t give up the recipe. She won’t even give me some of her recipes. I guess it’s true then.”

“What’s true?”

“That she loves you more than me.”

Buck is howling with laughter when Christopher walks back into the room. He takes his favorite boy, ruffling his hair before he answers some of his messages, promising to meet with May tomorrow after her shift for coffee and then with Taylor the next night for drinks.

Dinner goes just as well as it always does. Eddie and Christopher practically inhale his food, as Buck watches them fondly, eating at a more sedate pace. He asks Christopher about his day and avoids any talk about his and Eddie’s calls, for his sanity’s sake. He politely asks about Ana, and Eddie asks if Buck can babysit Christopher on Saturday night, so the pair can go out. Buck quickly agrees.

The night goes a bit off the rails when Eddie can’t get the living room TV to work.

Christopher is starting to get disillusioned with the idea of the movie the longer it takes. Apparently, Carla took him to the library a few days ago and got the boy hooked on the Magic Tree House series, and now all Christopher wants to do is read.

But Eddie is determined to watch this movie, even if they’ve already seen Finding Dory a hundred times, because he’s just as bull-headed as usual.

“You know what? It’s fine. We’ll just watch it in my room. The TV in there still works.”

Christopher and Buck try to tell Eddie that they don’t have to, but Eddie insists.

Christopher turns to Buck, with big, pleading eyes, and Buck practically melts, before he turns back towards the boy’s father.

“Hey, Eddie? I think Christopher was just hoping he could finish his book before his bedtime, and if we start the movie now, he’ll barely have even five minutes to read. Maybe we should just call it a night?”

Eddie sighs before agreeing, as Christopher gleefully heads back to his room.

“That boy is growing up too fast,” Eddie says. “Reading books on his own? For fun?”

“I know, he’s already more mature than you.”

“Ha-ha, very funny.”

Buck laughs for a few moments before standing up to gather his things. “Thanks for having me over, Eddie, but I guess I better-”

“Or you could stay,” Eddie interrupts.

Buck is surprised by the interruption. “Really?”

“Yeah, if you want,” Eddie says. “We could actually watch a movie, if you want. Something less cartoon-ish.”

Buck almost tenses at the thought. Watching a movie with Eddie. In Eddie’s bedroom. Likely on Eddie’s bed. Without Christopher.

“Now that might be a deal-breaker,” Buck jokes. “Who says it can’t be cartoon-ish?”

“Me,” Eddie answers. “But only if you want.”

Buck agrees easily, despite the bundle of nerves forming in his gut as Eddie leads him into his room. But what other choice does he have? It’s either this or the lonely drive back home to his lonely apartment and his lonely bed where he’ll spend the night not sleeping and agonizing over Eddie’s safety.

It’s an easy choice.

Eddie sits down on the bed, gesturing for Buck to sit next to him. Buck sits on the edge of the bed, trying to get comfortable despite only having half a buttcheek on the actual mattress, as Eddie laughs at him.

Eddie reaches over, grabbing Buck’s arm and pulling him back, next to him. Buck’s breath quickly intakes when Eddie’s arm unconsciously drapes over Buck’s shoulder, as the two lay up on the propped up pillows.

Eddie turns on some action movie on Netflix and Buck tries to pay attention, he really does.

Buck he’s practically tucked into Eddie’s side, his best friend’s arm wrapped around his shoulders and Buck has to keep himself awake as his eyelids start to shut.

Eddie seems to be enraptured by the movie, much to Buck’s relief. He hasn’t noticed just how comfortable his friend is in his embrace.

Buck doesn’t know at which point in the movie he fell asleep. He hadn’t been paying enough attention to the movie to determine that.

But at some point he does fall asleep.

He doesn’t even realize he’s asleep for a long time. And why would he? For the last few weeks, sleep has been so elusive, and when it has happened upon him, it’s always been so short-lived and plagued by nightmares.

Nightmares of Eddie being shot, but this time the bullet doesn’t tear into Eddie’s shoulder, but his heart, killing his friend instantly and leaving Buck wishing the bullet had killed him instead. It would be less painful than this!

But Buck doesn’t have any nightmares. Or any dreams for that matter.

He wakes up, feeling more well-rested than he’s felt in … God, he doesn’t even remember the last time he felt this well-rested.

It takes a few seconds for the relief to fade, for him to realize he’s not in his bed.

But then he can feel Eddie’s breath on the back of his neck and the man’s arms wrapped tightly around his torso and the comfort and surprise makes Buck’s eyes widen and his toes curl and he just freezes.

He’s too afraid to move. Too afraid that Eddie will wake up and the comfort will end. He’s afraid it will end.

When Eddie finally wakes up a few minutes later, after what feels like both a lifetime and just a few short seconds, the man pulls away. But he’s not embarrassed like Buck is, just chuckling at the fact that they fell asleep instead of finishing the movie.

He acts like it’s normal. So, Buck does too. What else can he do?

Does he want it to be normal?

________________________________________

Buck curses as realizes his mistake. He thought agreed to drinks with Taylor tomorrow night, but he actually agreed for tonight, when he already had plans with May.

Now he has to cancel on one of them. But just the thought of cancelling this last minute for his mistake makes him feel guilty.

But then he gets an idea.

“That could work,” Buck amuses aloud.

To Fav (probs not sketchy) Reporter: Hey, I accidentally double-booked, so would you be okay with coffee with friends instead of drinks? If not, I completely understand!

To Medusa: Hey, I accidentally double-booked, so could my friend Taylor join us? If not, I completely understand!

“What could work?” Eddie asks, frowning at his friend. He expected for things to be different today, after waking up in Eddie’s bed this morning, but they weren’t. Buck had to drive back to his apartment to get ready, but besides that, everything was normal. He still answered his messages while leaving his apartment, and drove to work with his stereo blaring, and arrived at work after Eddie, and found his cup of coffee waiting for him on the kitchen table, courtesy of Bobby. Everything was normal, despite the fact that he woke up in Eddie’s bed.

In Eddie’s arms.

Everything is normal.

“Nothing. Just trying to fix my evening plans.”

“Oh, so you can’t come over?” Eddie asks.

“No, sorry. Maybe tomorrow night.”

Eddie frowns for a second before shaking his head. “No, I have to meet Ana. I can’t miss that. It’s important.”

Buck nods. “Right, I forgot. I get to watch Superman that night! Maybe Sunday?”

Eddie nods, smiling at his friend, and Buck smiles back.

To Fav (and sometimes dumb) Firefighter: Sure, I can vent just as well over a caramel frappe as I can over a glass of wine. But you’re still paying!

To Buckaroo: Sure! I’ve been wanting to meet your new friend for weeks now! Also, am I still Medusa in your contacts? If so, change that!

Buck laughs as he puts his phone away.

________________________________________

May and Taylor get along better than Buck would have ever expected. Like alcohol to a flame, in fact, and Buck is afraid they are going to set the world on fire the longer they talk.

“So, this person you’re crushing on,” Taylor says to May. “Is it a firefighter?”

Buck blinks. Wait, what?

May flushes at the question, which is enough of an answer.

“It is! Who is it? Does Buck know them?”

“Yeah, do I know them?” Buck asks, raising an eyebrow as he stares at May.

May rolls her eyes. “Leave me alone, Buck. He’s a good guy, I promise! I just … I don’t know if he likes me back.”

“Well, he’d be dumb not too,” Taylor says. “I’ve known you for thirty minutes and I already love you. This is so much better than drinking with just Buck.”

“Hey!”

“But I also understand your pain. Firefighters are a pain and crushing on them is hard.”

“Sorry about that,” Buck apologizes.

Taylor snorts. “No, not you.” It takes the woman a few seconds before her eyes widen at the realization that she just revealed something she wasn’t intending to reveal.

“Who is it?” Buck asks. “Do I know him? Or her? For both of you, actually, because I know a lot of firefighters, and let me tell you, there aren’t that many good ones that also have the potential to be a good choice for a relationship. It’s hard dating while working that job.”

“Unless they work with you,” May whispers knowingly.

Buck stares at the girl in confusion, as Taylor fist bumps her.

Buck groans. “Neither of you are going to tell me, are you?”

May and Taylor just sip on their drinks.

“So Buck, what’s new with you?”

Buck tries and fails to not get flustered by the question. Because truthfully, the only thing new in his life is that he fell asleep in Eddie’s bed last night.

In Eddie’s arms.

And he’s certainly not telling these two that. No way.

“Nothing much. Same old, same old.”

But Taylor is a reporter and May is a dispatcher. They are like human lie detectors. They both frown at the man, as he stares at his coffee, avoiding their eyes.

May and Taylor turn towards each other, before silently nodding.

They don’t push Buck for more information. But they do exchange numbers, to keep each other updated.

Buck doesn’t even seem to notice.

________________________________________

Buck tries to fall asleep, but maybe he’s just too well-rested? Maybe he slept so well at Eddie’s that he can’t fall asleep now?

Whatever it is, Buck doesn’t get a bit of sleep that night and the next morning he’s drinking coffee by the pot and struggling to stay awake.

Bobby orders him to the bunks.

Buck doesn’t go. Instead he sits in the living room, next to Eddie, as the pair watches TV together.

He doesn’t even realize he’s fallen asleep on Eddie’s shoulder until he wakes up an hour later to the alarm going off.

There’s no time for Buck to even feel embarrassed, especially when Eddie doesn’t even mention it. When he acts like it’s normal.

So, Buck acts like it’s normal too.

Maybe he wishes it was.

________________________________________

Buck collapses onto the couch, groaning as he struggles to keep his eyes open. He just spent the last few hours after dinner reading to Christopher, the boy still clearly in his Magic Tree House phase.

But now his eyes are strained and he’s exhausted and he still has to drive back home and he knows he’s not going to get even a bit of sleep tonight.

But maybe …

He slept well the other night when he was in Eddie’s bed. Maybe it's something about this house? Maybe if he just closes his eyes for a few minutes, he could get some rest before heading home. Eddie still isn’t back yet, and Christopher is asleep, so it’s not like he has anything else to do.

So, Buck closes his eyes, laying back on the surprisingly comfortable couch as he tries to get in a few minutes of rest.

But just a few minutes later, the front door swings open. Eddie steps inside and Buck looks up at his friend. Eddie seems a bit off. His eyebrows are furrowed, and his jaw is clenched tightly.

“Eddie?” Buck asks groggily, rubbing his eyes to try to get a clearer look at his best friend. But by the time Buck is done, Eddie is back to normal, smiling at Buck.

“Hey Buck. Is Christopher-”

“He’s asleep,” Buck answers, before yawning. “I just spent the last few hours reading to him. Your boy is obsessed, Eddie.”

“Our boy,” Eddie quietly corrects.

“What?” Buck asks, frowning at his friend, though it comes across as more of a pout as he’s still a bit groggy.

Eddie’s eyes soften even more. “Did I wake you?”

Buck shakes his head. “No. It’s fine. I should be heading out anyway.”

Eddie scoffs. “Seriously? Buck, you look dead on your feet. You are staying here.”

“Eddie-”

“No, I’m not letting you drive yourself back to your apartment, only to crash your car halfway there because you couldn’t keep your eyes open. You can stay here tonight.”

Buck nods, laying back on the couch. “Can I at least get a pillow?”

“Idiota. Come on, get up. I’m not letting you sleep on the couch when there’s a perfectly good bed?”

Buck frowns at Eddie. “Did you get another bed?”

“My bed. It worked fine the other night.”

Buck has to practically dig his nails into his hand to keep from blushing. “Are you … are you sure?”

“Yes. I’ve got some more pajama bottoms that should fit you. A t-shirt too. Come on, time for bed, before you keel over.”

Buck should protest more. He should insist on going home, back to his own bed.

But it's either this or the lonely drive back home to his lonely apartment and his lonely bed where he’ll spend the night not sleeping and agonizing over Eddie’s safety.

And Buck sort of forgets how to speak when Eddie wraps an arm around his waist, to lead him towards the bedroom.

And from the way he trips over his own two feet, he kind of forgot how to walk too.

But soon, he’s back in Eddie’s bed, wrapped in his best friend’s arms and Buck drifts off faster than he ever has before, lulled to sleep by the sound of Eddie’s breathing.

________________________________________

“I fell asleep in Eddie’s bed.”

Taylor and May stare at Buck in shock. The two had been having a conversation about some TV show they both watch, while the trio were once again at May’s favorite coffee shop after her shift.

“You did what?” May asks.

Taylor just smirks at Buck, and he really hates the knowing look on her face.

“I fell asleep in Eddie’s bed last night,” Buck repeats. “And on Thursday night. And it’s normal. I think. I don’t really know. Can that be normal?”

“Well … let’s unpack that.”

________________________________________

It is quickly becoming normal. It’s not every night, but more often than not.

Eddie is constantly inviting Buck over after their shift now. If he’s having dinner with Bobby and Athena, he invites Buck over after. If Buck is babysitting Denny, he proposes that Christopher and Eddie join him. If he meets with Taylor and May for coffee, Eddie offers to pick up dinner for them afterwards.

The only things that are sacred are his nights at Maddie’s apartment, either spent with Maddie and Chimney or with little Jee-Yun. Eddie leaves those alone, but even then, he always lets Buck know that he’s welcome over afterwards, no matter how late.

And if Buck spends any time at the Diaz house, he quickly gets sucked in. Christopher begs Buck to read more Magic Tree House books to him every night because Buck does the voices “just right” and his dad doesn’t and Buck is such a pushover when it comes to Christopher. So then he spends hours reading to Christopher and by the time he’s done, Eddie refuses to let Buck leave, knowing the man is exhausted.

Buck falls asleep in Eddie’s bed every night he stays over, feeling his best friend’s breath on the back of his neck and his arms wrapped around Buck’s torso.

And every morning he wakes up in the Diaz house, he feels more well-rested than he ever does waking up in his own apartment.

Buck doesn’t fully understand it, but somewhere along the way, this became the new normal.

But Buck doesn’t question it.

He doesn’t want to.

But maybe he should.

________________________________________

Buck coos at his niece, as Maddie watches. Chimney and Albert are out, picking up dinner for the joint Buckley-Han family, and Buck was quite content to take that time to hold his favorite girl in the world.

Maddie smiles at Buck, as her brother plays peek-a-boo with the baby.

“You seem happier lately,” Maddie says. “The past week or so, you’ve seemed … lighter.”

Buck frowns, considering Maddie’s words before he freezes. A little over a week ago was the first time he saw Maddie after he started sleeping at Eddie’s semi-regularly.

Buck nods. “Yeah, I guess.”

“It’s just, after Eddie was … I thought you were going to go off the edge,” Maddie admits timidly. “And I was scared. I didn't know if I could handle my brother going off the deep-end again, but now … you seem really happy, Buck. And I’m really happy for you.”

Buck smiles at his sister, as he puts Jee-Yun in her crib, “I think I am. I just don’t know if I have a right to be.”

Maddie’s eyebrows furrow as she stares at her brother.

Buck sighs. “It’s just, after everything with Eddie and finding out that he left Christopher to me if something were to happen, I didn't really spiral but I started to have trouble sleeping.”

“Buck-”

“It’s fine, Maddie. I talked to Dr. Copeland and she said it was normal after a traumatic event and we were trying to work past it, but then …”

“Then what?”

“Then I fell asleep at Eddie’s house. In his bed.”

In his arms.

“And I slept. I slept really freaking well. And then, it happened again. And again, and now I’m sleeping really well every night but it’s in Eddie’s bed and he doesn’t seem to think it’s weird and everything still seems normal and is that okay? Is that normal? Can that be normal?”

Maddie reaches over, grabbing her brother’s hand. “Buck, I think you decide what’s normal. Does it feel normal? Like something you want to keep doing?”

Buck hesitates for a second before nodding.

“I think you answered your own question.”

“But what if it ends? What if Eddie decides it’s not normal and I can’t sleep anymore?”

The look on Maddie’s face conveys just how unlikely she thinks that is, but she answers the question anyway.

“Buck, you are strong. If that happens, you are going to set up more sessions with Dr. Copeland and figure out how to sleep through the night, even if you have to crash on our couch for the foreseeable future. You will get past it, if that’s what you have to do. Because you have people who love you and you are so strong. Stronger than anyone I know. But I sincerely doubt your new normal will change anytime soon, if ever.”

Buck smiles. “Thanks, Maddie.”

“Anytime. Besides, I have to keep Jee-Yun’s godfather in good working order, if not for her sake than for mine.”

Buck stares at his sister, clearly stunned by that revelation. Maddie smiles at Buck.

“Surprise!”

Buck practically picks his sister up when he hugs her.

________________________________________

“I can’t believe your car broke down again,” Buck teases May, as he hands the girl her white chocolate mocha before handing Taylor her caramel frappe.

“Shut up,” May says. “It’s not my fault this time! I swear!”

“How do you know? What’s wrong with it?” Buck asks.

May just glares at Buck in response as Taylor laughs.

“So Buck, how are things with Eddie?”

“Fine Taylor, how are things with your mysterious firefighter? And what about you May? How are things with the mystery boy?”

Taylor and May both blush and Buck does feel a bit smug as he sips his coffee.

After that, the three spend the next two hours talking about nothing and everything.

Occasionally, someone will subtly bring up one of their firefighters, trying to pry information from the person, but it quickly gets shut down by redirecting the questions back onto the person.

Buck didn't even realize how late it had gotten until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Athena!” Buck exclaims. “Are you here to pick up May? She and Taylor just went to get new drinks.”

“Oh, that’s fine,” Athena says. “I’m a bit early. Actually, I was hoping to speak with you, if you don’t mind.”

Buck nods, gesturing towards the empty seat at their four-top. Athena smiles at Buck.

“I heard you’ve been spending more time at Eddie’s place recently.”

Buck can practically feel himself turn bright red. With Taylor and May, he knows it’s mostly teasing and he can always turn it back on them, but with Athena? Buck is screwed.

“It’s not like that.”

“I didn't say it was.”

“He has a girlfriend.”

Athena doesn’t even consider that statement before speaking again. “Buck, I’m not interrogating you. If anything, I would be interrogating Eddie. But I won’t, because that would upset you and no one wants a pouty Buck.”

Buck blushes even more.

“You don’t have bags under your eyes anymore,” Athena notes. “You did there for a couple of weeks, but now …”

“Allergy season has passed,” Buck says. “No more swelling.”

Buck knows that Athena doesn’t believe him for a second, but she doesn’t call him out. For probably the first time in his life.

“Athena, I-”

“Buck, are you happy?”

Buck considers the question for a moment. Maddie said he seemed happy, but is he really?

Work is the same as always and Buck is starting to loosen up a bit on calls now that he’s not plagued with nightmares of Eddie dyi- of Eddie every night.

He spends most of his evenings with friends or with family and most of his nights at the Diaz house, with his two favorite boys, reading to Christopher before falling asleep in Eddie’s arms.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Then that’s all that matters. The rest will work out.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I know you, Buck,” Athena says. “Besides, it’s about time the universe gave you a break. And if it doesn’t, I’ll kick its ass.”

Buck honestly believes Athena could kick the universe’s ass, if she put her mind to it. At the very least, he’s not betting against her.

“Thank you, Athena.”

“Anytime, Buck.”

________________________________________

Buck doesn’t move much in his sleep. He doesn’t move much when he first wakes up either. Usually he spends a few moments just laying in the exact same position, slowly forcing his eyes open as he gets ready to face the day.

It rarely comes in handy. But right now is one of those few times.

Buck has stopped resisting Bobby’s insistence that he go to the bunk room now that Eddie always joins him. Not that Bobby insists upon that much anymore, now that Buck is actually getting a good night’s sleep most of the time.

So, it wasn’t strange for Buck to wake up in the bunk room, Eddie’s arms wrapped around him.

But it was strange to hear Eddie's voice.

“Idiots,” Eddie whispers. “Buck is sleeping. This is the bunk room, not the gossip room! Go to the rig like you usually do so you don’t wake him.”

Hen and Chimney both roll their eyes at Eddie’s defensiveness, but leave as requested, but not without a lot of “yes sir” and giggling as they do so.

Buck smiles as he keeps his eyes closed, snuggling back into his friend’s embrace. Eddie doesn’t need to know Buck woke up. He would just feel guilty. Besides, Buck could fall back asleep in minutes as long as it’s like this.

As long as it’s with Eddie.

Eddie pulls Buck impossibly closer, pressing their bodies together as he cuddles his best friend.

He kisses Buck’s temple before laying back down next to him, and Buck tries to ignore the intense blushing on his face as he drifts off.

________________________________________

“Hey, Buck?” May asks, as she sits next to the man in his truck.

May’s car is still in the shop, so Michael, Athena, Bobby, Hen, David, and Buck have been taking turns driving the girl to and from work and everywhere else for that matter. Buck had to practically rush out of the station after his shift ended so he could pick up May from Michael’s and then drive her to her evening shift at the dispatch center.

“Yeah?” Buck asks, not taking his eyes off the road.

“You know Albert, right?”

Buck resists the urge to turn and face May. “You mean my former roommate/couch crasher/new co-worker. Yeah, I know him pretty well. Do I even have to ask why you are asking about him?”

May silence is answer enough.

“How do you know Albert? I know you’ve probably run into him at a few gatherings here and there, but-”

“It was after his accident,” May answers. “I didn't know him that well, but he’s Chimney’s brother. So, I went to visit him. And we started to talk. And we saw some similarities in each other.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. We both have some pretty overbearing parents. And I know mom has her reasons, but it’s still true.” Buck reaches over, squeezing May’s hand as his left hand remains on the wheel.

“Athena can be a lot,” Buck agrees. “And we love her for it, and she does have her reasons, but that doesn’t change the fact that she can be intimidating at times.”

May nods. “And Albert’s dad … the less said about him, the better. And once we started talking, we just didn't really stop. And then he asked me about my job.”

“Oh, so you’re the one who pushed him to be a first responder.”

“That was an accident,” May insists. “I just told him how much I loved being a dispatcher. Helping people. How it made me feel useful. Fulfilled.”

“And I’m happy for you, May.”

“Me too. And even though it scares me, I’m happy that Albert decided to join the 118. I remember when he told me. It was just after Eddie was shot, and I remember being terrified. For all of you and for him. But he told me that he almost died just driving. He told me that he wanted to feel fulfilled and help people, like I do.”

“He’s a good firefighter,” Buck says. “A good person.”

“He asked me out last night,” May says. “I said yes.”

Buck smiles at May as he pulls into a parking spot. “Good. Want me to walk you up?”

May nods, as the two get out of the car. They don’t talk about Albert anymore. They don’t need to.

Buck waves May off and manages to run into another person when he turns around to leave.

“Oh, I’m so sorr- Josh?”

“Hey Buckley,” Josh laughs. “I see you are still accident prone.”

“Ha-ha. Are you starting a shift or ending?”

“Ending,” Josh says, sounding relieved. “And looking forward to a night of binge-watching MasterChef and critiquing the contestants while eating take-out.

Buck laughs before he gets an idea.

“Hey Josh, if you have a little bit of free time, could we talk?”

Josh frowns at Buck for a second before nodding. “Yeah, sure. Where do you want to go?”

________________________________________

They end up at the same coffee shop Buck always goes to, but Buck orders a hot chocolate this time.

He doesn’t need the caffeine anymore.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Josh asks, as he sips on his tea.

“I just … this is going to sound really awkward but how did you come out to everyone because I think I’m bi and I know everyone would be supportive and probably already know but I'm nervous?”

Josh blinks, clearly not expecting the question before he starts to answer. “Well first of all, I wouldn’t say they ‘know’, but a lot of people suspect that you have grown much closer to a certain someone of the same gender.”

Buck blushes at the reminder.

“Is that what this is about?” Josh asks. “Is this about Eddie?”

“Kind of? Maybe? I don’t know,” Buck says.

Josh nods, reaching over the table to squeeze Buck’s hand. “You know no one will treat you differently, right? I mean, I know all of the people in your life. The worst thing they would do is probably throw you an embarrassing coming out party or something.”

Buck laughs. “They totally would.”

“As for how I came out … let’s just say it involved way too much alcohol, a lowered inhibition, and a very willing busboy. I really, for all of our sakes, beg that you don’t listen to even a sliver of my advice in that regard. Because you can come out however and whenever you want to whoever you want, just not like that.”

“Thanks, Josh.”

“Thank you for telling me, Buck. It’s about time we got some LGBTQIA+ firefighters.”

“I’m telling Hen you said that.”

Josh pales when he realizes his mistake. “Don’t you dare!”

________________________________________

It’s much later than he was expecting when he finally heads back home.

Well, to the Diaz house.

He considered going back to his place for all of about two seconds, before his car was heading in the opposite direction.

Eddie is sitting on the couch when Buck walks in. He smiles at his best friend; exhaustion clear in his eyes.

“Hey, is Superman asleep?” Buck asks.

Eddie nods as he stifles a yawn.

Buck frowns at his friend. “Why are you still up?”

“I was waiting for you.”

Buck can practically feel his heart skip a beat at Eddie’s words, but he doesn’t have any time to consider it further before Eddie is dragging them both off to bed and wrapping Buck in his arms.

Buck is asleep within minutes.

________________________________________

On his walk to the locker room the next morning, Buck stops by Albert, clapping his former roommate on his shoulder.

“You hurt her, I hurt you.”

Albert gulps and nods.

Then Buck ruffles his hair, smiling at Albert. “Good luck on your date.”

________________________________________

“I miss May,” Taylor pouts, already two shots of vodka in and clearly getting ready for a third.

Buck and Josh both laugh. Ever since Buck talked with Josh at the coffee shop, he’s been making an effort to invite the man out more. Especially since Maddie is busy with Jee-Yun now. Buck can tell the man is somewhat lonely and he just can’t let that happen.

And this was the perfect opportunity. Since May and Albert are on their first date, that freed Taylor and Buck to go out for drinks again after a long hiatus and inviting Josh along was an easy decision.

“I miss her too,” Buck says.

“Me too,” Josh agrees. “And I just saw her at work a few hours ago.”

Taylor pouts even harder. “Lucky.”

Buck just laughs and hands Taylor another shot glass, which she greedily accepts.

Buck doesn’t remember the rest of the night, not that clearly. He remembers dancing with both Josh and Taylor, with probably increasingly embarrassing dance moves.

Taylor is clearly a bit out of it too, sending out a text to her mystery firefighter before Josh and Buck manage to pry her phone away.

He remembers Taylor and Josh forcing the man to go get drinks for them as they continue to dance, Buck chuckling as he does so. He also resolves to at least try to get Taylor to drink some water. At the very least, he’s cutting her off from hard liquor.

“Buckley?”

“Bosko?” Buck asks. Lena Bosko is staring at the man and it’s very clear that she is not dressed up for the bar scene. In fact, she looks like she just left work. “What are you doing here? You don’t look like this is your scene.”

“It’s not,” Lena agrees. “I just … I got a text from a friend. I wanted to check on her.”

Buck stares at Lena for a few seconds before the dots connect, probably a bit slower than they should, but he’s not completely sober at this point. “Taylor? Taylor Kelly?”

Lena stares at Buck. “How did you know?”

“So, you’re the myssstery firefighter?” Buck says, slurring his words a bit. “Come on, Taylor’s this way. I’m trying to get her to drink water.”

Lena nods, following after Buck.

“But if you hurt her, I hurt you.”

“That would be a little more intimidating from someone that doesn’t resemble a drunken golden retriever at the moment.”

Buck frowns at Lena. “Hey!”

Lena just laughs.

________________________________________

Lena put both Josh and Buck into a cab before she left, not comfortable with leaving the two men at the bar despite their insistence that they are fine. Buck doesn’t even question when Lena personally takes Taylor back to her apartment.

It’s cute, the talkative reporter and the stoic firefighter. Buck approves. Provisionally.

It takes him three tries to get the front door open when the set of keys Eddie gave him, but he manages, practically stumbling into the house.

The lights are off but the TV in the living room is still on.

Buck moves to turn it off when he notices Eddie asleep on the couch.

“Idiot,” Buck whispers, not wanting to wake the man up. “Why didn't you just go to bed instead of trying to wait up for me?”

If Buck was a bit more sober, he would have realized the best solution to this plan would have been waking Eddie up so they could both go to bed.

But Buck is drunk, so instead he just worms his way onto the couch, snuggling close to his best friend so they both fit.

Buck is out like a light when he feels Eddie unconsciously wrap his arms around him.

________________________________________

Buck wakes up the next morning to a strange sensation on his face.

He opens his eyes, to find Christopher poking his face, clearly in an attempt to gently wake up the man.

“Christopher?” Buck asks. “What’s wrong? Shouldn’t you still be in bed?”

“It’s 10 a.m.”

Buck blinks. Apparently he slept in.

Correction: They slept in. Eddie is still fast asleep and snoring as he cuddles Buck.

“Oh, sorry buddy. I’ll make you some breakfast.”

Buck carefully untangles himself from Eddie’s arms, trying not to wake the man, before walking into the kitchen.

He quickly whips up some pancakes for the boy, setting aside some for Eddie when he wakes up.

“Hey Buck?”

“Yeah buddy?”

“Why do you still have your own apartment if you spend every night here?”

Buck tenses at the question, eyes wide. He looks like a deer in headlights as he continues to cook breakfast for the kid.

“I just … it’s complicated, buddy.”

“Adults always are,” Christopher sighs.

“I guess that’s why you like the Magic Tree House books so much, huh?”

Christopher quickly agrees, launching into a tale of the events of the latest book despite the fact that Buck read half of the book to Christopher.

Buck doesn’t even touch the coffee pot as he eats his breakfast with the boy.

He doesn’t need the caffeine.

________________________________________

“Hey Bobby!” Buck greets, as he makes his way upstairs for the start of his shift. For the first time in a long time, Buck has actually managed to beat Eddie into work. Somehow, even when they leave from the same place, Eddie always arrives ahead of him. “What, no coffee cup this morning?”

Bobby frowns at Buck, looking confused by his words. “What?”

“It’s no big deal,” Buck quickly says. “It’s just, there’s no coffee cup waiting for me here this morning like usual. Is the machine broken?”

“No, Eddie’s just not here yet,” Bobby answers. “I’m sure he’ll make it for you when he gets here. Besides, he’s the only one that knows how much sugar and creamer you add.”

“But I thought … Eddie’s the one that’s been making my coffee every morning?”

“Yeah. Is that a big deal?” Bobby asks.

But Buck ignores his captain’s question, his mind already falling down the rabbit hole as he considers the coffee cup and just what it represents.

“Oh god, is that why Eddie always gets here before me, even when we are leaving the same place? Does he purposely get here early to make me a cup of coffee?”

Bobby frowns. “The same place? Does that happen often?”

“So you’re telling me, Eddie, my best friend, the person whose bed I’ve been sleeping in for the last month, and the man I’m in love with has been purposely rushing each morning not because he’s anal about his morning routine but because he wants to get here early enough to make me a cup of coffee?”

Bobby grabs Buck’s shoulder, quickly hauling the firefighter to his feet and into his office before he has a panic attack in the middle of the station.

“Buck? Buck, I need you to breathe for me!”

“Breathe! You want me to breathe! I’m in love with a straight man, Bobby! I’ve been spending every night in a man’s bed when I’m in love with him and he has a girlfriend! And you want me to breathe!”

“Buck, Eddie doesn’t have a girlfriend,” Bobby says.

“But … what? Him and Ana-”

“He broke up with Ana weeks ago. About a month ago, in fact.”

A month ago.

Buck started sleeping at the Diaz house about a month ago. In Eddie’s bed.

In Eddie’s arms.

“Am I an idiot, Bobby?”

Bobby chuckles. “Maybe just a bit of a fool. A fool in love.”

“I-”

“Go,” Bobby says. “And tell me if I have to fill out any paperwork.”

Buck nods, pulling out his phone as leaves.

To Fav (probs not sketchy) Reporter and Medusa: I’m about to do something either very smart of very dumb!

To Second Fav (and sometimes dumb) Firefighter: You can do it, Buck! And I expect updates!

To Buckaroo: Should I ask Albert to record?

Buck rolls his eyes, laughing at Taylor and May’s immediate responses.

He finds Eddie in the kitchen, grumbling to himself about being late as he prepares a cup of coffee.

Buck feels like he could melt right there, watching as Eddie does something so kind and considerate for him, especially since Buck knows that he’s been doing it for so long.

But he doesn’t. He has something else to do.

“When did you break up with Ana?” Buck asks, clearly surprising Eddie as the man turns around with wide eyes.

“Buck, I-”

“Eddie, please,” Buck interrupts. “Just tell me.”

Eddie nods, looking more distraught than Buck expected by the question. Did he care for her that much? Was he wrong to think that …

No. Hear him out first, Buck.

“Do you remember that night you babysat Christopher? The second night you stayed over?”

Buck nods.

“I did it that night. I … I knew the relationship wasn’t going to last,” Eddie says.

“Why?”

Eddie’s eyes are downcast as he rubs the back of his neck. “Because I realized I was in love with someone else. I realized that when he fell asleep in my arms and I slept better than I have in years.”

“Eddie-”

“I’m sorry I didn't tell you,” Eddie says. “I just didn't want to complicate things. To ruin things. I just really wanted things to stay the same.”

Eddie wanted the new normal too.

“I’m sorry, Buck. I just-”

“Idiot,” Buck says before rushing the man, crashing his lips on top of Eddie’s.

The kiss is sloppy and it’s clear they both are a bit surprised and wholly unprepared, but Eddie wraps his arms around Buck’s waist and Buck around Eddie’s shoulders and suddenly it’s perfect.

They don’t even notice Albert recording the kiss as Chimney and Hen watch the scene with glee.

________________________________________

That night, Buck is back at Eddie’s place. In Eddie’s bed. In Eddie’s arms.

He just spent the last few hours reading to Christopher, like always. And he’ll fall asleep here, like always. And he’ll wake up curled up with his boyfriend, like always. And he’ll watch as Eddie rushes through his morning routine so he can beat Buck to work and make his boyfriend a cup of coffee, like always. And they’ll go on calls, like always. And then he’ll come home and cook dinner for his two favorite boys and repeat the cycle all over again, like always.

Buck can feel himself start to drift off, as Eddie places a kiss on his temple, softly singing a lullaby as his boyfriend holds him close.

Buck still has trouble sleeping alone. Or maybe he doesn’t. He doesn’t really know anymore.

He never sleeps alone.

Because he has a new normal.