Work Text:
“So let me get this straight,” Reborn steepled his fingers together in front of him. “You,” he pointed at Tsuna, “are worried that Squalo,” he said the name carefully, “is trying to kill you?”
“Yes!” Tsuna exclaimed. “He’s been acting weird! I think he’s still upset over the whole Ring Battle thing. That was a few years ago, Reborn! Xanxus got over it!”
“Well... I wouldn’t say that...” Reborn muttered, but he noticed Tsuna didn’t hear him.
Tsuna puffed out his cheeks, and the ex-Arcobaleno sighed. “Why do you think Squalo is trying to kill you, Useless Tsuna?”
“Because he’s still mad about the Ring –”
Reborn cut him off. “No. Tsuna, what has he been doing?” His student truly was useless sometimes.
He watched Tsuna shift a bit. “Well, he called me while I was sleeping to ask me my favorite color.” He paused, glancing at Reborn to see the man’s reaction. It was unfortunate that Tsuna would glean nothing. “My favorite food. If I prefer seafood or steak. Or chicken.” He wrung his hands together. “He asked me if I like aquariums or zoos. What my favorite blade was.”
Reborn stopped him there, curious. “What did you tell him? Your favorite blade?”
Tsuna went bright red. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He said quickly. “It’s not important.”
Before, Reborn was curious. Now he had to know. He stared at his student, silent and waiting. It didn’t take long for the boy to crack under pressure.
“Okay! Alright! I told him that it was the second one!”
“What?”
His student hid his face in his hands. His next words were muffled, but Reborn still managed to understand. “I thought he meant the movies, Reborn. The vampire ones.”
The hitman snorted. His smirk was enough to let the other know that he wouldn’t be letting that tidbit go any time soon, but he waved his hands in front of him. “Please,” Reborn hummed, amusement evident, “continue.”
“He’s wondering about my favorite things because he’s trying to find the best way to kill me! Reborn, you need to take this more seriously!” Reborn watched with his eyebrows raised as Tsuna rubbed his cheeks. “He sent me stuff,” Tsuna mumbled.
“Oh?”
“He sent me Salisbury steak. Orange roses. Tickets to the aquarium in Tokyo.”
Oh. Reborn understood what was going on.
Tsuna kept talking, almost hysterical at this point. “He sent me fancy chocolates, hoping that I might eat them and die of the poison he put in them.”
“Tsuna,” Reborn cut him off. “Shut up for a minute.” The other’s mouth snapped shut. Silent. Waiting. “You, my utterly useless student, have an admirer.”
“Like a stalker?”
Reborn wasn’t sure how much more he could take.
“No. Idiota. An admirer. A love interest. Squalo seems to have taken a likening to you. Enough to attempt to court you. He was sending you gifts. Not threats.” He shook his head. “At this point, I’m surprised he hasn’t ended an entire enemy family in hopes of getting your attention.”
Tsuna blinked. Once. Twice. “Yeah, no. It’s an attempt to kill me. There’s no way that Squalo would try to… to do that!”
Reborn hummed. “If you don’t believe me, then ask Dino. He has the most experience with Squalo besides Xanxus, and I doubt you want to speak to Squalo’s boss about his personal life.”
“Aren’t they best friends, though? Like Yamamoto and Gokudera?”
Reborn chuffed a laugh. “I guess you could say that.”
“He’s never going to notice, is he?”
Bel laughed as he watched the Strategy Commander plop face-first onto the common room couch. “Notice what?”
Fran, on the other side of the couch, replied, “that he’s in love with the boy who screams every time he sends him flowers.” Squalo groaned.
“The Decimo? My, Squ-Squ, you’ve got big goals!” Lussuria chirped, “does Xanxus know?”
Squalo’s answering glare was enough to let them all know. Bel and Fran quickly escaped the room, their instincts letting them know that something was about to happen. They’d rather not be in the crossfire when they could just as easily watch from the cameras in the security room.
A few moments after they left, the door slammed back out. “Does someone want to tell me why the fuck the shrimp thinks that the Varia is trying to kill him again?” The swordsman groaned again. Xanxus’ eyes narrowed. “What did you do?”
“He sent him flowers,” Lussuria smirked, “what a cute gesture! It’s a shame that he’s too dense to understand that Squalo’s in love.”
“I am not in love!”
Lussuria smiled, waggling their eyebrows, “not yet.”
Xanxus looked up at the ceiling, counting to ten. He’s been working on his issues. He reached ten. “I’m surrounding by fucking idiots.”