Archive of Our Own ^beta

Clay woke up. He looked around, noticing that it's not his house. It was Dave, his lover's new apartment. He climbed out of the twin-size bed and looked at the mirror. Damn, he was a mess. His golden locks were everywhere, but he couldn't care less. He was still tired but he knew he had to get up.

He went downstairs, the scent of coffee lingered in his nose. He didn't remember what happened yesterday. All he knew was Dave kept talking too much, that he fell asleep just listening to his deep voice. He loves it when the man talks about something that he's passionate about. He always loved it.

He made his way to the kitchen, where his lover was sitting. "Good morning, Clay." Dave smiled, taking a sip of his black coffee, but there was something in his smile that bugged Clay. His smile wasn't genuine. He's probably still tired.

"Morning, Dave." Clay yawned and sat on the other side of the table.

He stared at the other man. Those big blue eyes glistening in the sunlight behind the glasses that his lover wore drives him crazy, making him fantasize about his lover as each day passes.

The sweet scent of the man filled the kitchen. Clay found himself breathing in deeply to try to capture it. The strong and sweet smell of the brunette reminded him of the fresh picked daisies that he used to buy at the flower shop just beside his old house. His scent and heat, the warmth of his magic, the heady sensations of being so close to him... Clay tried his hardest to not devour the man and swallow his heart whole. Call me Dahmer cause your heart's so tasty.

"Clay," Dave finally spoke, "You know I love you, right?" His voice was trembling.

Clay felt discomfort starting to rise, "You’re trembling. What's the matter? Dave, you can tell me everything." He held the brunette's hand, gently stroking it, hoping it would make the other comfortable.

"I-I can't do this anymore; this- this relationship isn't going to work. It's hurting me; it's hurting the both of us." Dave looked away, removing Clay's hand from his own.  “I can’t love you. I don’t know how.”

The blonde clenched his hand, feeling confused. “Why can’t you love me back? Dave, I'm the happiest when I'm with you. You can't just end what we have, you can't. I know you love me, and i love you too, so much i could die. So why?"

Dave started to tear up, he couldn't hold it in anymore. As much as he loved Clay, he had to do this, he had to let him go. Sobs escaped his mouth as he replied, "I've been thinking it over and this... this was never going to work out. I don't deserve you. You deserve someone that would make your life much better, and that someone is not me. I’m sorry but I don’t feel the same way."

Clay slammed the desk, taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. "Did I do something wrong? Please, please Dave, I'll do anything just to fix this, I can fix this, just please don't leave me."

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's me, I'm the problem here." The brunette sighed, wiping his tears on his sleeve. "My family, they- they found out about us. They don't approve of our relationship. They can't accept me for who I am, so I'm doing this. I'm doing this so you don't have to go through all of this. So please, I'm begging you, just leave. I don't want you to get hurt."

"But you're hurting me! Why do you care so much of what they think? This is our life, not theirs. Let's run away together Dave, away from them, from all of them. Please- "

"Just stop Clay. I told you already, there's nothing you- we can do to fix this. I’m trying. I’m trying really hard but I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt when it really does.”

Dave stood up, heading to the sink with an empty cup in hand. Once he had put the cup on the sink, he turned around to the blonde. Those once vibrant green eyes turned cold, cheeks with tear stains, his hair was still messy. This was the man he once loved, and he still loves him. But the world is cruel, and he wouldn't want to see the man he loved get shattered, so he had no other choice. He had to do this even if that means saying goodbye to him, and never seeing him forever.

He remembered their first kiss in the flower field. It was spring that time, and the flowers blossomed into beautiful colors. The warm breeze brushed the grass, and the flowers fluttered and danced in the breeze, tossing their heads in sprightly dance. The flowers were dressed in nothing but life. They were both drenched in the sun, dancing with the flowers.

Only you can make my heart bloom.

Clay's eyes shined and twinkled like the stars on the Milky Way. Dave gazed at the sight of his lover, his heart filled with joy and pleasure. To see the blonde happy is all he could ever ask for.

But sadly, all of those joyful moments must come to an end.

Dave heard a glass shatter. It was Clay; he threw the glass on the floor. The shattered pieces scattered everywhere. The blonde picked it up, but he ended up having a splinter. Blood started flowing from his finger, making its way down to the floor. Dave's heart started racing, he quickly ran up the stairs to get some bandages and a pair of tweezers. Once he had acquired them, he went straight downstairs to help the other.

Dave got the small piece of glass out from Clay's finger, and then he quickly patched it up with the bandage. He can feel the other's hand shake. He quickly stood up and grabbed a chair for the blonde to sit. Dave got so much to say, but he kept his mouth shut.

"It's my mistake, I make things harder. I'm sorry." Clay muttered, looking down, afraid to face the brunette, afraid of what he might say.

Dave really tried his best to shut his mouth, but all the thoughts he hid eventually found their way out.

"Look, it might be better if you- if you..." He took a deep breath, and then continued, "If you... leave."

He met the blonde's eyes. Those emerald eyes filled with tears. My darling, you hold so much sadness in your eyes, I can almost touch the scars of your soul and cry.

He hated it, he hated how much he loves those eyes, and every time he looks at them he’s captivated. Those eyes mesmerize him. The way those green eyes glow whenever they would lay down outside on the grass beneath the sun, the sunlight hitting their faces as they lay there peacefully, his arms wrapped around Clay, thinking that this person was worth all the trouble.

Clay stood up from his seat, still looking at the brunette with teary eyes. “Dave, before I leave, I just want to say that you’re the only person that has loved me so much after all the shit we’ve gone through, thank you for everything.”

He walked towards the door and as he twisted the door knob, he turned around to see the brunette one last time, mumbled something that Dave could hardly hear. Then he flashed a smile so bitter, that broke Dave’s heart just like how the glass shattered into tiny pieces. And just like that, Clay walked out the door, Dave watched him become a stranger that he will never see again.

I hold my breath for love or death, or whichever comes sooner.

With a smile, Dave’s body dropped on the floor, with pieces of blood stained glass cutting through his chest.

With love I see, your beautiful heart covered in thorns, like the roses you once gave me.

The end…