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screeching tires sent the marine jolting out of his sleep, panicked. he brought his knees to his chest and groaned as he recollected himself, tossing the bunched up blanket off of his folded lap. his eyes were heavy and red from his recent lack of sleep.
at least this time the shrill sound of burning rubber awoke him before another one of his nightmares.

the beige edges of moments captured in time curled in age as they rested on the oak wood table. he had made it himself of course. his fingertips graced the deteriorating edges, and wondered if at some point these very edges were touched by the people who inhabited the snapshot. he couldn't remember now, everything was fuzzy. all he knew is he loved the familiar faces, and wondered where they ended up.

the photos had collected dust as they remained atop the polished table, but were as vivid as ever. the trees were bright green, and he could almost smell the freshly cut grass. tank blew on the polaroids, sending a small puff of dust in front of him.

he studied the images before placing them on the dust lined table. the dark had scared him for as long as he could remember. from scary stories as a child, to nights on a ship staring into an endless void, or when he lost the only people who could understand who he was. photos were proof that everything, even for a fraction of a second, was perfect.

he sluggishly flicked on the little switch next to his doorframe, which illuminated the short-lived hallway that led to his small kitchen and living room. it wasn't much but for one guy living alone in Albany, New york.. well, he considered it perfect. it certainly wasn't home but he could always make do.

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Tank liked to refer to the people he once knew as 'dead like latin.' for the reason that no matter how long they were gone, the memory of them existing never faded. hell, he didn't even really know if they were dead, but it had been so long since they had all been in each other's embrace.

they were dead like latin, though. everywhere he turned there was a reminder, something breathing down his neck. the dead language found it's way into his everyday life.

tank scratched at his eyebrow as he waited for his coffee to brew, he never liked coffee until he realized it was necessary to keep him alert during combat. sleepless nights made him sluggish, whether that be at sea or wherever he wound up resting during the zombie fighting days. he helped save the world time and time again, and yet felt empty.
the years of life at sea had drained him, the wars he served had burdened him with PTSD that drowned him everyday.

and he wished he had stayed with the people he served with badly. their similarities may have set barriers between them, but that meant nothing. he had never felt closer to a group of people he had no choice to work with, besides peter. he had never fully recovered from that loss, and he had been facing 3 more losses of people he couldn't even remember the names of.

he cursed himself for it. for not being able to remember anything but the moments that would emotionally scar him forever. he remembered when he was diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury, and he remembered how much sense it made.

and he remembered the anger.
the fear.
the sadness.

he remembered feeling alone.
and that feeling never went away, he had been alone for years now.

he could remember his childhood, and some of his time as a marine, but it became fuzzy from that point on. he blamed himself.

if only he had been careful.
if only if they let him die.

but they didn't, and this was his life now. he wasn't sure why he stayed, but he didn't plan on leaving.

through endless panic attacks, nightmares, and frustration, he stayed. he was badly damaged but he believed the words of someone he once knew.

"it gets better, dempsey."

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it had been quite some time since richtofen found himself in america. the air was much different than germany's.. smoggy, thick and angry. though it held nostalgia in its pollution filled skies and oceans, it almost disgusted him how dirty americans and their country could be. of course, he did have a few very close american friends, which he adored. and some he lost among the way, but that didn't mean they didn't cross his mind.

a call from a good friend came through,
"ah, stuhlinger! how have you been?"

"i have been doing great, i've missed you a lot, eddie. this was a thought i had on a whim, but would you like to visit me in america? i could use company, i may be inviting other people i stumble across or think of, though i'm not completely sure who. i have been weary of trusting people lately."

"i would love to.. lucky i am not working for a while. i have been under much stress, this would be a nice change compared to what i was planning on doing."

"what were your plans? finding cures for diseases?" he said jokingly.

"my dear friend, no. sitting on my couch. i have nothing better to do-"

"glad you agreed! i already bought you a plane ticket. i'll see you on thursday!" he abruptly ended the call, no doubt with a smile on his face.

edward shook his head as the call ended, tickled to be invited over. he hadn't seen his friends in a long while, even ones in close proximity. he was always busy, or overwhelmed, and didn't feel like burdening anyone.

he was always the first to cancel plans, ignore invitations out.. it all just depended on the time or how he was feeling, which often was not very good.

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edward despised airports.
the noise and fluorescent lights were enough to make him feel detached from reality. the darkness outside and the lively, busy energy inside the airport made him feel trapped in an alternate reality he wouldn't be able to escape.
but he did. he always did.

the plane was mostly empty, lucky for him. he didn't like strangers speaking to him for a long period of time, in a space he could not escape.
he often recalled one time where he was sat next to someone who kept asking him questions, and polite as richtofen was, was also brutally honest.

unfortunately his honesty came out with annoyance, and eventually he felt bad for the man who sat there silently afterward. he recollected thoughts from when he was a child and remembered how hard it was for him to make friends, small talk and awkward conversation with no replies from the other end often occurred, but the criticism never stopped. he wondered if that's how the man felt, alone in the world and in need of company.

he couldn't change it now, he was just relieved he wouldn't have to have an experience like that this time around.

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after his painstakingly slow 10 hour flight, he had made it to Washington state. he felt jet lagged and awful, but excited to meet with his friend and whoever he chose to bring along. he was curious as to who he would have with him.
he knew he would be staying in america for weeks, if not months.

richtofen knew stuhlinger all too well, just about everything made him nervous. it was on rare occasion he would meet anyone new.

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stuhlinger had done research on thomas dempsey before. it took
many hours of sorting through official government documents that he technically wasn't supposed to have access to.

he had no reason to, he was just curious as to where he had ended up, or if he was still alive. hearing his voice in a wasteland at one point in time, the voice of a frightened but determined soldier never left his head.

he found a document that convinced him the soldier was still living, his official letter of dispatch, now several years old.
research on government documents soon took a turn to something a lot less serious, research on facebook profiles.

"everyone has a facebook these days, i'm sure tank will be out there somewhere." the man typed at his keyboard, scrolling through the many matches to his search.

he found it. 'Thomas "Tank" Dempsey'
his bio specified he was a veteran.
stuhlinger knew this was it.

nervously, he took a shot at messaging him.

"hey, i remember you."
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Tank leaned against his doorframe rubbing his eyes, lack of sleep fatigued him. he felt his phone buzz in his pocket, and pulled it out.
it was a message request on facebook, but he checked out the profile first.

the mans hair was greyed, as well as the mustache that sat on top of his upper lip. his glasses rested on the bridge of his nose. this struck familiarity with tank, Samuel Stuhlinger.

"hey, i remember you."

"oh, sammy right?" tank typed with uncertainty. the name was very familiar, he believed he had contact with the man many years ago.

the opposite account saw the message immediately, tank backed out in fear of something he couldn't put his finger on.
he exited to his phones home screen so he could preview the message before opening it.

"yes, that's right. how have you been, tank?"

tank opened the message and hesitated, wondering if he should be honest or lie about his current conditions.
he chose an in-between and took a deep breath before starting to type.

"honestly i've been dealing with the aftermath of the wars i've fought, which sucks. but i'm making it through day by day, i have people who support me." he half lied "i just don't always remember who."

stuhlinger silently theorized what the hidden meaning behind that was. he assumed it would be easy for people to know who to go to for support, but he didn't know that for sure himself. he had only a few friends who he could trust, and even then he was constantly looking over his shoulder expecting them to kick him while he was down.

"you were a great soldier. i remember how hard you fought, you were a great leader. i have no doubt that whatever you're fighting now you'll be able to beat. even if that's not physical." Sam understood the aftermath of war could take a toll on a person in many ways.

"thanks, sammy. that means a lot. i hope all is well with you." tank smiled behind his screen and clicked the button that was infinitely smaller than the tip of his finger, it had been a while since he talked to someone who wasn't in his dreams.

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richtofen settled into his temporary abode, neatly folding his attire and putting them in the dresser drawers. he hung his shirts up as to avoid wrinkles, he realized his prissy way of living would be different from samuels. they grew up differently after all, there was no one to blame for that.

he sat on his bed and sighed, gripping the edges and looking around at the room. he was happy to be there, just drained from the flight. he decided silently he could rest later, he should greet samuel properly before then. he just wanted to get unpacking out of the way.

no matter how tired, richtofens posture always remained perfect. it annoyed some people, but he figured if they were truly bothered by something as simple as his posture, they were not meant to be around.

he walked out of his room and jumped back when he bumped into his old friend.

"eddie! i missed you so much. i'm so glad you came here, it's great having company. especially yours." he threw his arms around richtofen who smiled in compliance but did not hug him tightly back.

richtofen liked stuhlinger, he just wasn't as affectionate as he seemed to be. which there was a mutual understanding on.

"i missed you too, sammy. thank you for inviting me, it's a pleasure. who else have you invited?" richtofen asked puzzled, he hadn't seen anyone around besides the two of them.

"no one yet. i've been talking to someone but i'm unsure on how to get him comfortable enough to ask him over. we haven't spoken in a long time." samuel replied, looking up at the taller man.

"ah, perfect. i'm sure you'll think of a way. just give me a heads up if they plan on coming, i'd like to be presentable."

"no worries, eddie."

they both smiled, as richtofen pat him on the back and retreated back to his room to get as much rest as he could. it would take him a while to get his sleep schedule back on track, it was almost a 9 hour difference between germany and this part of america. he was happy to have a warm bed to lay in.
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(a few days later)

stuhlinger had been speaking to tank for days now, and decided to spark the suggestion. it was nerve wracking, but he wouldn't take offense to a no or an uncertain answer.

"this is just a thought i had, but would you like to visit my friend and i in washington state? you're free to respond however you'd like, but your company would be appreciated. you would be free to stay however long you want, but my friend is staying for a month or so." he finished off the text with a smiley face to ensure he didn't create a hostile environment.

"uh, yeah.. i think i'd like that. it's been a while since i've been asked to go over to anyone's house." tank replied, he was apprehensive but hopeful. he wasn't used to being cared for or being wanted.

people never got the chance to know him well enough to know he wasn't a drag, they all left before he felt comfortable enough to open up and tell his sailor stories, or the way he explained memories that were blurry in his mind. no one had the chance to know.

"i can get you a plane ticket for as soon as tomorrow morning. i will do everything in my power to make you feel comfortable, there is no pressure. but it's up to you, don't rush yourself. i'm so happy you agreed to this!"

"tomorrow morning is fine, thank you so much. i'll see you when i see you." tank plopped his phone down on the counter beside him and got to packing.

he might have over packed.
between medication, uncertain weather conditions, shoe choices.

he packed away his snapshot memories in the small pocket of his suitcase. he never left his city without them.

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tanks experiences with airports and planes were a bit different than other peoples. he didn't mind the roaring engine of the airplane, or the noises coming in every direction in an airport.

he lived mostly in silence, but the reminder was always there. the scarring covered by his hair would remain, as well as the deafness. it affected him sometimes, but mostly emotionally. it was a remembrance of war.

being in a plane fucked with his head. it gave him time to think. at home he could make things, gadgets, paintings. and he would become involved in it. being in his head was the loudest thing he would ever have to experience.

he was taken back to a time of chaos in his life, the first time he fought a war.

he was hit with a concussion grenade, it was what caused the start of his medical problems.

his ears rang and he was blinded by what he knew was the brightest light he had ever seen for what seemed like forever, he toppled backwards and hit his head on the concrete below him. he remembered feeling panicked, and he would be lying if he said that ever went away.

when tank was little, he and his friends rode their bikes to the top of a hill every year without fail on the 4th of july. they would stay out until the sun came up, watching fireworks both near and far. they would yell into the distance, begging whoever was setting them off to shoot more into the blue-black sky.

as the years flew by, tank began to resent his younger self. he envied not being able to enjoy popcorn without sprinting out of the room before the pops began. he envied not being able to watch the fireworks in awe on the 4th of july. he knew that it would have been different if his life hadn't turned down the path of war.

the effects of the concussion grenade left one long term effect, total deafness in tanks left ear. this was a huge loss for him, and it also explained why he was obnoxiously loud when he spoke. it pissed people off, and he would never allow himself to reveal his disability to any peers or strangers. it was a sign of weakness. he was too proud to let his ailments affect how he was perceived.

his hair covered it up perfectly. but nothing would fix the damage to his ear.

the little pin he wore on his jacket earned glances from strangers in the airport and boarding the plane, polite smiles and happy eyes. he suffered losses from fighting wars, but he never got tired of the thanks he received from people, even if was a little wave. he was rather vainglorious about his own war record, even if the aftermath caused him distress.

he was shaken from his thoughts of war by a light tap on his shoulder, he whipped his head around to find a small boy sitting by him with analytical eyes staring up to him.

"hey buddy, what's up?" tank turned his torso to the child, making an conscious attempt to not be overly loud.

he pointed to the gold veteran pin on tanks jacket, and smiled. "my dad has one of those!"

tanks heart was happy to interact with him, and looked to the man sitting beside the boy, who was in fact sporting a similar pin. he didn't look familiar. "looks like we're matching" he gave a friendly wink to the kid and smiled towards the child's father, he received a smile back. he noticed the mans missing digits.

tank went back to looking out of the window. he liked window seats on planes, it gave him things to ponder. like, 'how the fuck did we get 90 thousand pound vehicle to fly?' or 'i wonder what a cloud feels like?'
all questions had simple answers, but the loud mouth marine didn't care to search them up to find out for himself. he would listen if someone explained it to him though, he would enjoy it. talking to people was a rarity he did not get to engage in often.

time flew by as he distracted himself with solitaire on his phone and making shapes out of the clouds that were now hundreds of feet below him. being partially deaf helped, too. the sounds of the plane, screaming babies and the people who couldn't give less of a shit to plug in their earbuds, never bothered him as much as it would a regular person.

everyone he ever knew had something bad to say about their experience on planes, but tank never had any complaints.

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edward settled into the rocking chair with a blanket supplied to him by sam, and a cup of hot tea he made for himself. he still was not used to being in america, even if he hadn't left the house yet.
he had to admit he was homesick.

hearing people talk english by default, not being able to see the stars at night, every little thing was a constant reminder that he was not home. but he felt welcomed.

he missed his friend, he hadn't seen him in years and the spontaneous decision to visit excited him.

edward was never one to do things or make decisions on a whim, often he was precise with his planning and had a schedule. it kind of felt good to not stick to a routine, he had nothing to worry about.

but he did have his struggles, which he now had to quietly sit with as his friend was usually a room or two away. he could never get over the voices, or the shadows of things that weren't present. he would never overcome the things that taunted him.

usually he was able to take care of it at home. it involved screaming, crying, reprimanding.. if he lived in a complex he would have had the police called on him. he understood it could be very concerning to someone who did not know him, and no one really did.

but being encased in a house with someone he cared for, he was literally incapable off doing these things. he sat helplessly as the voices grew louder, as the shadows moved closer, as the room started to shake.
luckily, he was not experiencing this at the moment. but he dreaded the moment it would.

a knock at the door sent his head jerking, he was not expecting company

"sammy!" richtofen collected his belongings before starting back to his room, "someone is at the door." he looked to the man who had come out of his bedroom and was peering around the corner. he caught a glimpse of a smile and rushed to be approachable for the guest.

richtofen cursed samuel under his breath, he made it known a day ago he would've liked to be informed if possible on when the guest would be arriving. though he could not blame him, he figured the mind of someone so nervous must be in shambles. no worries.

he slipped out of his comfortable clothes and into something unnecessary. muffled conversation between the two could be heard by edward, who was now spritzing cologne on himself. he had not showered in a few days which was unlike him, but feeling down will cause that. he tried not to beat himself up over it.

richtofen walked out of his room with anticipation, buttoning the rest of his vest as he approached the front door.

he finished buttoning the last one and looked up with a stupid grin on his face, hoping he would be approachable enough. he looked to sammy first, and his eyes panned to the guest.

his heart dropped, he could feel the blood rush to his head.

"...dempsey?" he asked with uncertainty, he figured long ago the solider passed away. he took a step forward to examine the shorter man who looked like he couldn't quite put a finger on who richtofen was.

sammy smiled, stepping out of the room, figuring this might be a private moment.

"excuse me?" tank looked puzzled, his face was so familiar. "wait." he struggled to wrench his wallet from his pocket, but whipped a polaroid out. he looked between the polaroid and the man standing in front of him. his eyes became glossed over, he quickly tucked the polaroid back into his wallet and reached his arms out for the thin frame.

edward collided so hard with his body an audible thud could be heard, they both winced but embraced each other. it was a strange feeling for tank, this was so familiar and not ringing a bell at the same time. but he knew he wanted to embrace him.

richtofen couldn't contain himself, small salty droplets fell onto the soldiers coat. "i missed you, tank. i thought you were gone." he backed up and looked at the face of a man he spent hours wondering about. emotions caused the men to frown.

"i remember you."

"why wouldn't you remember me?" richtofens heart sunk lower, he grew more suspicious something was very wrong with his old friend.

"it's a long story. you may have to reintroduce yourself, my brain don't work the way it used to." tank joked, hoping he would not take it too seriously.

he chuckled, still unsure on what tank meant, but willing to cooperate "edward richt-"

tank grabbed his shoulder, the unexpected tight grip startled the german. "..eddie.." richtofen nodded silently with an expression of shock on his face, his hands were still in a defensive position but he slowly lowered them once he realized the american was to be of no harm.

he embraced edward once again, this time tighter and more confidently. "i've been trying so hard for so long. i couldn't- didn't. i'm sorry for leaving you in the dark. i remember." the veteran choked on his words, the expression of shock on edwards face never went away. he rubbed tanks back in an effort to soothe the man who was holding in many emotions.

"it's okay tank." he softened his voice and walked to find a couch with the clinging man still attached.

tank loosened his grip as richtofen sat him on the couch,
"uh, stay here for a moment." the german rushed to the kitchen to get a glass of water. he was careful not to spill it on the trip back. "you look like you haven't had water in days, or maybe it's the fact you are obviously trying not to cry." he smirked and handed him the glass.

richtofen never lost his smartass sense of humor, and it was apparent to tank who blew air out of his nose in response. he took a gulp of water and took a big breath, attempting to recollect himself.

"you look good eddie. you haven't changed. you look the same as you do in my polaroids."

"am i that forgettable to where you have to look at a photograph to remember me?" he nudged tank playfully.

frankly, this made tank feel like shit.

"we should talk about that another time." his face dropped.

Chapter Text

this was sammys plan. he often took into account a conversation he and edward had months ago.

edward expressed his grief for dempsey, although he truly didn't know if he was alive or not. but it had been so long, he came to terms with the loss of his best friend. they hadn't always gotten along, but they could always count on each other for support. there had been chemistry between them since day one.

richtofen recalled feeling guilty for letting tank go, even though at the time, tank thought it was best. richtofen knew it was not. tank was not well equipped to make decisions by himself, and it left him wondering just how tank survived endless waves of the undead.

it was so dark. he pushed his friends aside and told them to run for it or he was certain they would all die. they reluctantly agreed, a noiseless goodbye was present. dempsey made a sacrifice that none of them could ever repay him for. but it was out of love.

no one knew where he had resided for years. and now richtofen was wondering, how did sammy find his whereabouts? he was grateful, no doubt, only curious.

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"thanks, sammy. for letting me stay. for inviting me. it's been a long time since i've been in the company of anyone." dempsey said with a shyness on his face.

"it's no problem, i've honestly been wondering for a while about where you got off to. i had a lot of conspiracies about it, but i'm so glad you're here now. if it's alright i'll show you to your room?" sam gave dempsey a warm smile which was returned to him.

dempsey gathered his suitcase and other items and followed sam down a hallway, his head turned to the right and his eyes locked with richtofens, causing him to freeze for a moment. he was laying on his bed reading a book and had changed back into his black button up pajamas, he was comfortable and gave a friendly wave.

dempsey moved on, he was still bent on what richtofen had said to him about the polaroids.. although he had no way of knowing, it still made him feel bad.

he followed sam into the room across from richtofens and placed his suitcase on the floor.

"i'll leave the rest to you tank, you feel free to yell for me if you need anything. you must be tired."

dempsey sighed, "a little bit. thanks sammy."

with that he left, and dempsey was faced now with unpacking. he heard a knock on the doorframe and turned to face it.

"oh, hey eddie." though hurt, he couldn't shake his excitement.

"tank, i'm sorry if i said something offensive, i honestly didn't mean-"

he was cut off, "it's okay, you wouldn't have any idea. i should probably tell you." he trailed off and avoided eye contact.

"you can tell me anything." he stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. he paused before saying "is this okay? it seems like a private matter. if you want it open it stays open." he put his hand back on the knob as his eyes remained on tank.

"no, no. that's fine, keep it closed. uhm.." dempsey ran a nervous hand through his hair and reached for a wooden chair that he gave to edward. "here, this is a bit of an upsetting story. we should sit down and talk about it." he said with sad eyes,
richtofen nodded in compliance.

tank sat on his bed, "so i don't really know where to start," he warned, "but i do want to say i want nothing between us to change. what we had before and what we have now." he looked into the empathetic eyes across from him. "i have a few ailments from my time serving in the wars, and also from my time with you. i've been diagnosed with a TBI, which has caused memory loss. it's only affected certain times in my life." he looked away again.

edward had to hold in a gasp, it was shocking but also he had concern for his well-being. "so that's why you don't-"

"yeah. it's real fuzzy. i remember there being you and two other folks, i know what they look like because of my polaroids. those pictures have gotten me through a lot, they're all i have." he shamefully admitted.

"ah, nikolai and takeo. we were all close, i still have contact with them both." dempsey placed his hands in the outstretched hands of the foreigner. "if you have any questions i am more than happy to answer. i am very proud of you tank, you have never been one to express your weaknesses. i can promise nothing changes between us because of this."

dempsey smiled, lowering his head. he felt accepted. "thank you." his wall-shaking voice turned to a whisper.

the tall man stepped away from his chair and held the man with tears on his cheeks. he wiped them away with his thumbs.

"did you used to hold me like this?"

eddie chuckled. "quite often."

"this won't change either?" it had been so long since he felt the touch of another human being, he forgot how much he loved to be hugged. he looked up with puppy dog eyes.

"no, never." richtofen was happy for the first time in a long time. he convinced himself long ago he would never have an encounter like that with dempsey again. he convinced himself he would never have an encounter like that with anyone again. he backed up. "why don't you rest? you must be tired." he backed up towards dempseys door.

"you're right, i'll be awake soon." he said goodbye with a genuine smile, and threw the covers back once richtofen had left and shut the door.
he soon fell asleep with his full attire on, including shoes.

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Edward walked back to his room with his peace of mind and laid back down on his bed. he was so excited to have dempsey back, and not even 10 seconds away from where he was sitting. he was excited to tell takeo and nikolai, he ran to shut his door as not to wake tank, and face-timed them.

"guess who's in the room across from me?"

"you told us sammy." a husky russian voice replied.

"no.."

"we wouldn't have a clue." takeo replied with tired eyes, richtofen couldn't believe he was still awake.

edward paused "..tank dempsey, he's just in the room across from me at sammys house."

both men seemed to stop breathing, nikolai was quick to remind richtofen that tank had most likely been dead for a long, long time.

"that's what i thought too, i don't know how sammy managed this. but he's alive and.. well, not well." richtofen massaged one temple. he was frustrated with the fact that dempsey had truly been without memory of them for this long.
"he's okay, he just has some memory issues. he may not remember everything, i'll have to remind him."

this was disheartening news to both of the men, although relieved to hear he was alive.
their chit-chat and small talk went on for a few more minutes before richtofen hung up the phone so he could continue reading his book.

Chapter Text

"sammy?" richtofen tapped on the closed door. he heard a commotion inside followed by a profanity, his hand shot back at the loud noise.

the man opened the door with crooked glasses he knocked back into place. "hi eddie, what's up?" he seemed overly excited to be talking, his awkward stance hiding the mess he had made behind him in a panic.

"well, firstly, is everything okay?" richtofen sort of chuckled at the books that had fallen on the floor. samuel stepped out of the room and shut the door behind him.

"pay no mind to that, it's alright. you startled me, i'll get that picked up later in no time. it was just a few books that i was carrying to my dresser but as you can see they did not make it there." he rambled on, "how's everything? do you need something?"

"sorry, i tried to be quiet." he paused for a moment and scratched the back of his head. "was this your plan?" he asked, soft spoken.

"was what my plan?"

richtofen gave him a stupid look. "you know what i am talking about.."

"oh yes, that would be my plan." his smile grew wider, "you mentioned him some time ago, and i originally started researching his name but didn't have a reason to for a long time. i picked the research back up when i asked you over, i figured you could benefit from seeing him here and not just in your head. i'll admit i really did think he died, but of course there are always other possibilities when we ponder what became of the unknown."

richtofen always thought sam sounded smarter when he was passionate about things. conspiracies and being unsure were sort of his trademark, and richtofen liked that about him. he was never fine with a maybe, or a what if, he always had to decide on an answer himself. the conspiracy theorist specialized on things too out of this world for edward, but he admired when those skills turned to things used in everyday life, he admired how versatile he was with how his mind worked and what he applied it to.

"it's just, i haven't seen him alive in a while, in my head he's been a corpse for years. it's surreal." he furrowed his brows and closed his eyes, the picture of dempsey his mind made up was gruesome. even now it made him sick to think of. "i am not mad, i'm ecstatic. it's a drastic change, but a good one." richtofens emotions confused him, it almost caused him to spiral. "it's upsetting because he couldn't remember, but at the same time i can be the one to help him remember. and that makes me happy." he hoped sam would understand, which to his surprise he did.

"i would have never done this if i thought you couldn't handle it eddie, you are strong and have conquered so much." he placed his hands on edwards shoulders and smiled. it turned into a quick hug.

richtofen tensed, he never was a fan of physical touch. when people got touchy with him it felt like the feeling of their touch spread throughout his entire body and it would never wash off. there were only a few people who he felt okay with touching him.

"thank you, sammy. it does mean quite a lot to me that you helped reunite us. i consider him my best friend, i have for a long time."

samuel smirked, which made richtofen nervous. he wasn't sure what it was for, but tried not to pay any mind to it.

———————————————-
dempsey groaned himself out of a nightmare, they seemed to be less intense lately but the lack of sleep was debilitating. he sat on the edge of the bed, hunched over with his eyes closed. he took a deep breath before standing up and rubbing his eyes, he swore everytime he woke up things were disoriented.

the distance from the bed to the door was much further than it had been before he went to sleep. he never knew what it meant but tread on to exit the room. he noticed edward was not in his room out of the corner of his eye.

he wondered if the news had upset him, he almost regretted telling him about it. but it was something he eventually wouldn’t be able to avoid, and he figured it would be better to rip the bandaid off. for both of them.
tank was often unsure of the decisions he made, as past choices had led him down a long road of time alone. he didn’t trust his judgement.

he snapped out of a brief daydream and stepped out into the living room where richtofen was sprawled out on the couch. it almost made dempsey giggle as he saw the comfortable man scramble to an uncomfortable position. the way people saw him was a big deal in his mind.

“you don’t have to have that stick up your ass yknow.”

richtofen turned red and looked the other way “i know.” he gave it thought, “perhaps you are right, it’s only you here.” he slouched a tiny bit. “i have to get used to that.”

dempsey smirked, “where’s sam?”

“i would assume he went to the store, we were discussing dinner while you were snoozing.” he patted the couch.

dempsey sat next to him with space in-between them. there was a long silence as richtofen watched a tv show.

“hey, thanks for understanding. it must be a lot.” he looked towards the distracted man who turned his head to meet the gaze.

“it’s no problem. is there anything you want to know? i can tell you anything you want to remember. it might be good you don’t have memory of some parts..” he trailed off and made a face of disgust at what he recalled.

“so takeo and nikolai..” he furrowed his brow, “the other two people in my picture.” he reached for it in his pocket to look at it, “you still talk to them? they’re okay?”

“oh yes, they’re doing fine. right after you went to bed i had called them, they’re very excited about you being here, i am as well.” he had a happiness in his eyes as he said this, then it went away. “your absence has been very unkind.”

“i’m sorry i left, i thought it was for the best. but it never felt right.” he admitted, “i may not remember everything, but the hardest thing i’ve had to do in my life is leave you.”

Chapter Text

the evening was filled with laughs, drinks and conversations. dempsey found it odd to be interacting with people, but was excited to be included at all. it was only strange to him because it had been a while since he had been invited to be apart of a group or celebration. he was quiet when not spoken to, he felt out of place since sam and edward knew each other so well. dempsey had to relearn everything about them.

tank downed half of his glass, he felt strangely accepted, all of them were so different from each other but genuinely enjoyed being in each other's company. although happy, there were things that raised questions. he had been wanting to ask something, but didn’t quite have the courage to. being around people he knew for years and had no memory of was intimidating, but the liquor loosened him up.

“if you guys thought i was dead how did you find out i wasn’t?” dempsey broke the silence, “i use my real name on facebook which i don’t remember sharing with you.” he took another swig of his drink and set it down with a clank.

“well i.. i’m just really into politics.” samuel let out a nervous laugh and scratched the back of his head, avoiding eye contact.

richtofen butted in with sarcasm in his tone, “do tell? do politics involve scoping someone’s private military records as well?” he smirked, not afraid to break eye contact with the man.

sam became defensive, “hey hey! i’ll have you know being a reporter requires the ability to find things most people can’t!” he held his hands in his lap, careful not to emote through body expression. he knew the german would pick up on his nervousness.

“you snooped in my records?” dempsey cocked an eyebrow.

“well, uh, no. i mean, i did. but at least you found eddie?” he hoped the good outweighed the bad in this situation, richtofen was disappointed but snickered at the fact he had exposed him and was watching him struggle to excuse his wrongdoings.

dempsey sighed, “i guess you’re right.” he squinted at his glass, “you should never do that again.” he warned, “that’s weird. but i understand where you were coming from, wanting to find out where i was.”

to be honest, it irked dempsey a little bit to learn people still had access to his military records. he was a pretty private person, and didn’t like details of his life being splurged onto documents for the eyes of anyone to see. granted, no one would be going out of the way to be looking for him until this. there was no other good reason.

sam nodded, “got it, but-“

richtofen reached across the table to put his hand over dempseys, “we are glad you’re here, tank.” he said with sincerity, he slowly took his hand back as he saw tanks face mush into a pile of unrecognizable emotions. he was unsure of what he was feeling, and usually it was easy to tell.

ah, he was getting drunker.

“tank, come with me?” he stood up, “excuse me sammy, i am just going to bring him to his room. from what i remember he regrets everything he says while intoxicated the next morning. i’m just avoiding that.”

“sure eddie, i’ll clean up.”

richtofen helped the soldier up with a smile and started walking, dempsey was stumbling as he tried to go faster.
“slow down dempsey,” he held him back a little more to prevent an accidental fall. “you really can’t handle your liquor.” he laughed as he was given a sloppy nod in response.

they had made it to his room, edward sat tank down on his bed and rushed to get a damp washcloth.

he wiped a thin layer of grease off of dempseys face gently, he made sure to even get the boogers that resided in the inner corner of his eyes.

“eddie”
“yes?”
“i missed you so much.” he slurred out “don’t leave again.”

edward lowered the washcloth, he knew he was not the one who left, but for the lightweights peace of mind he promised to never let what happened occur again. he had yet to break a promise to a friend.

“oh tank, i wouldn’t dream of it.”

he fell forward onto edward, with shaky breaths.
“don’t cry, please.”
dempsey held his breath.
“no, breathe. it’s okay.”

richtofen had a hard time comforting his loved ones sometimes, he felt bad but wasn’t sure how to express it correctly.

he patted his back and held him tightly, as much as he hated to admit it, he needed a hug just as bad as tank seemed to need one. he was hoping there would be no remembrance of the long-withheld hug in the morning, as it would embarrass him. but at the same time, he didn’t mind if tank remembered.

he imagined a happy ending where tank was there, long after time put its hands on them. and grief was an unthinkable thing.

in a way, richtofen had already won. but he had lost so many times, it felt odd to be so lucky.
he remembered when his heart was soft and blameless, now scarred by time and loss. by loneliness and mistreatment, his own brain.

he held onto the hurt, and it made a grave of his hands.
there was a variant of him untouched by grief, somewhere he had yet to find.

maybe dempsey was the missing piece.

he rolled the now sleeping dempsey on his side, and covered him with a thick blanket.

he hoped he was the missing piece.

Chapter Text

tank's head pounded as he rolled out of bed, "jesus christ." massaging his temples with his calloused fingers, he attempted to remember how many drinks he had downed the night before. he didn't remember much with the exception of a distinct conversation.

he heard a crash from the room across, causing him to shoot up from his bed. he inched towards the door.
"hey, eddie? is everything alright?" he tapped lightly when there was no answer. upon listening carefully he could hear the foreigner mumble in his native tongue, although he could not understand it was apparent there was panic behind what he was saying.

"i'm fine, go away" he squeaked out, the aggressiveness in his tone caused tank to overthink. had he done something wrong? did he say something inappropriate while drunk? a whirlwind of questions rushed through his head.
"eddie if i did anything wrong-"

"dempsey." his response was articulate and vehement. he regretted it once it came out, but he didn't want anyone to see him like this. it was something he had hidden from nearly everyone in his life.

tank swiftly returned to his bedroom, he didn't like people being aggressive with him. whether that was tone of voice or physical violence. it was a weak trait for a marine, for someone who had fought so hard for the majority of his life. but there was something about admirable people being upset with him that truly made a negative impression on his emotional state.

although unsettled, he was concerned for his friend. he had only started getting to know him again, and wasn't sure if it was unusual for him to have outbursts or spats of antisocial behavior. he was hoping it wasn't too serious, when the time was right he would bring it up. he didn't want to scare him away.

————————————————

richtofen didn't know what set it off, he felt he was doing so well recently. he hadn't had an episode in days, but deep down he knew one would hit him eventually.
he sat on the floor with his legs crossed and his hands over his ears, however he could not block the internal noises coming from his brain.

it tortured him. he would throw things to drown it out, scream, cry. but he couldn't do anything about it in the moment. he sat there in silence, as quiet as it gets, and waited for it to pass. the shadow figures in the corners overwhelmed him as much as the gentle whirring of the fan above him. he was overstimulated. he hoped he had not upset tank, when things like this happened it was impossible to keep his annoyance hidden.

he grabbed an unexpectedly open water bottle off of the counter, being too aggressive which resulted in water all over him and the floor. he scowled at the situation.

he remembered nights by the campfire when everyone was asleep and he would break out into a panic. he would wander into the forest and find a tree to sit by, he was so careful not to wake anyone from their sleep.
there were a few occasions where takeo would follow him with a canteen of water and coached him through an episode. it was times like now where he remembered what takeo had him do.

edward took small sips of what was left in the bottle, thankful for takeo's guidance. he never even brought up how much it helped him, he was much too proud to bring something like this up again, even if someone had already seen. he figured there was a chance he would have forgotten.

takeo never spoke a word about it to the others, although never asked to be quiet about it. he was always there, and it meant a great deal to everyone in his presence.
especially richtofen. his words and strategies were useful to this day, even though they had not been in each other's presence in years.

the memory slowed his breathing and helped to clear his head, he recollected himself on the carpeted floor, leaning back onto his outstretched arms.
these attacks always exhausted him, it was the equivalent to a sobbing fit that never seemed to end. his eyes burned, he felt fatigued. but he was grateful his throat was spared from the pain that came with screaming.

he slowly stood up, using the bedside table as a crutch. he picked up the vase he had dropped, surprised to find it hadn't broken.
he dragged himself to tanks door, turning the door knob and pushing his head inside, only to snap back and shut the door.
"oh gott, sorry." he blushed and stared at the floor. he cursed himself for not knocking first.

"eddie i'm only changing my shirt, you're fine." tank laughed from inside the door as he pulled the shirt over his head. he swung the door back open and cracked a smile. "are you okay?"
richtofen looked like a deer in headlights.

"ja. i mean yes, i'm fine." he looked nervous. "about earlier, i'm sorry tank. there is this feeling that has been festering, it's present sometimes more than others. it's.. childish. to throw tantrums over nothing. you shouldn't pay any mind to it, i'm so sorry." he rambled and apologized with apparent sincerity.

"it's okay, i just wasn't sure what it was about. i was hoping i didnt motivate that in any way, i don't remember last night very well and was afraid i said something stupid."

"oh goodness no, it wasn't you at all. i would have told you but.." he trailed off, he didn't really want to elaborate but figured it was too late to take it back.

"but?"

he sighed, "it's not that i don't trust you, i just can't bare to have you see me as i really am."

"we need to share our wars. i think it's what makes people stronger, which is ironic because you're probably the first person i've willingly told anything about my well-being to." there was a pause. "judging you because of things you can't control ain't exactly on my to do list."

edward had a blank stare on his face, he knew tank was right. "i just don't know what's wrong with me." he whispered in admittance. he hadnt gotten a proper diagnosis or seen anyone for what he had been experiencing for years, he had mostly followed the advice of takeo and the knowledge of his own profession. however, he was not able to pinpoint a conclusion to what he was suffering from.

dempsey didn't want to admit he couldn't hear what he had said, as it seemed to affect the taller man. "do you want to talk about it?"

"honestly, not in particular. i just need time, it will come out eventually."

tank was glad edward was not opposed to the idea of sharing his struggles, but he felt he owed richtofen the knowledge of what happened to his ear. it was embarrassing to bring up, to admit there was something wrong with him that couldn't be treated. he could undergo therapy for his PTSD, try a crazy new method to help him remember things permanently erased from his mind, but the problems with his ear would never disappear even with all the treatment in the world.

"i understand. do you want to come in?" he quickly moved away from the door, realizing he had kept edward in the hallway all this time.

"yes," he smiled and made his way into tanks room, "i really am sorry about everything, if there's anything i can do i owe it to you." he sat on the window seat in tanks room.

"you're fine, i might take you up on the offer later on. buy me dinner or something." he said playfully with a glint in his eye.

richtofen returned the playful laugh, "we'll see."

there was a brief silence, "so what do you do for work? i mean, you're obviously smart. i remember a few things from our zombie days, not much but i always wondered where everyone ended up. i've spent a long time trying to match personalities to each of you just by looking at my polaroids. my version might be completely different from reality."

"i am a doctor, i also double as a surgeon. i have quite a bit of time off, it's why i'm here."

"a doctor huh." tank was impressed, it was much different from what he imagined but he was pleased. "i could never do that, i think the world needs people like you. you might be the only doctor i'm not scared of." he grinned without teeth.

"yes, well, it's important to help people. some of my colleagues do it for the money, but i've always been so passionate to fix things. to pull at the strings, to help one cheat death. the human body fascinates me, yet i am disgusted with my own." he acknowledged, "i would not save myself. i've cheated death far too many times."

"i would save you, doc." there was a warmth in his voice.

richtofen froze and thought about what he said. "sorry?"

dempsey scratched his head, "i would save you." he felt awkward saying it a second time.

"no, no. you called me doc." he gave a genuine smile, "that's what you used to call me."

Chapter Text

he saw in his eyes that he did not remember. he didn't remember any of it. any of their past.
how they used to look at each other,
or how at times it felt like it was them against the world, despite the two others that would never give up. he didn't remember the toasts to great nights, or the conversations held around orange campfire embers.

there were many things that richtofen was glad dempsey couldn't remember, though. he found himself jealous that a brain injury had not also wiped his memories clear of the horrid things he would never be able to forget.

being a doctor, he saw a lot of it. but much of it he could control.

his body was scarred with reminders of war. mental and physical.
though infrequent, small round scars were prominent. nikolai was never too careful with the aim of his gun, and part of edward believed it was on purpose.

he had never liked edward, and this created conflict in the germans heart. all he looked for was a friend in nikolai.

dempsey was always the one to bandage his wounds, and he admired the fact that he was never afraid to face the grotesque task of digging a lodged bullet out of flesh, albeit careful to make sure he was comfortable and okay.
there was irony in the fact that edward had become a doctor and not tank.
he recalled a time where a hoard of zombies had snuck up on them, while in the middle of a minor procedure.
he watched in awe as tank put pressure on a wound with one hand, and open fired on the undead with the other.
he felt safe around tank. he had seen the fighter in him, and that gave him hope for the new set of challenges presented.

faded scars were scattered on vital parts of the body, it came with the guilt he carried. it came with uncontrollable thoughts and wishing everything was different.

it came with letting dempsey go, and the grieving process that he hated to admit never ended.

but he figured that was seemingly for nothing now.

the simple word "doc" had invited these memories into his head, it was a strange feeling to hear an old friend call him this. throughout this thought, he hadn't realized he had put his hand overtop of dempseys and was dumbly starting off with a smile plastering his face.

he quickly snatched his hand away and blushed.

"you paint your nails." tanks observation was announced with an obvious undertone of excitement.

"pardon?" he looked down at his own hands and recollected his thoughts, "oh, yes. they're chipped though." the opaque pink was detectable once he was aware it existed, edward did not want it to be noticeable. he nearly had put clear polish on them, but the tint of color made all the difference.

"it's cute. and your bracelet, it's rainbow, i like it." the corners of tanks mouth involuntary turned upwards.

edward thought he had taken it off, he always feared crossing the path of someone who wouldn't like his bracelet as much as his dear friend did. he almost didn't want dempsey to know, it was a part of him that he kept quiet about. although, before all was lost, dempsey was the only person richtofen had come out to.

"thank you. this usually goes unspoken about, but i'd like you to know that you are the only person that i ever actually.." he paused, "well, come out to before, i mean. i figured you should know now too, i just didn't know how to tell you so this is a convenient situation. some others know but it was not my choice."

tank thought nothing of this, "so, who's the lucky fuck?" he was interested in what richtofen had been up to since the last time they had seen each other. "you must miss him, being this far away." he did feel bad that he had supposedly been outed to people, but felt trusted knowing that he was chosen to know this part of edward.

richtofen turned red "no, no. i don't. have anyone like that in my life. no one has been that significant to me in a long time." he shook his hands in an act of rejection to the suggestion tank had made.

"so you're saying i have a chance then?" the smirk on his face grew.

richtofen forgot how ballsy he could be. he would never shy away from something that could potentially bring bad news, he always considered the good news first.
he was honestly taken back by this, tank had always been so fascinated by women.
he had bragged about being a chick magnet in high school, and how many lovely girlfriends he had that were once significant in his life.

"tank, you don't mean that." he let out a nervous, unsure laugh.

"no, i do. why would i say it just to say it."

"mein gott.. i suppose you have a chance." he played with his own fingers, "you told me a long time ago about all your lady friends, we're the stories ever relevant?"

"oh yeah. my sexuality has always been a source of insecurity for me, and i covered it up with tons of girls. i do like girls but i've always felt more comfortable with men." his voice became shaky, "sorry, i think this is the first time i've properly done this. i don't want it to be weird between us now."

"that would never happen."  he scooted closer and wrapped an arm around the younger man's shoulder. "we've been through far too much and learned things about each other that we swore the world would never hear, nothing could change what we have.. but i do need time. time to wrap my head around this, time to think about what i want, and time to think about the aspects that most don't take into consideration."

"sounds good to me, doc." he winked and a wave of excitement ran through richtofen.

he really couldn't deny his feelings if he tried, he mistook his excitement for nothing more than what it was called. but it was more than that, and it had been there for a long time, far before they reunited.

Chapter Text

"maybe we should have invited tank to come with us, i can't help but feel guilty for leaving him at your place." edward said, swallowing another bite of salad.

"i don't think you should worry about it, he's still asleep. we had asked him the night before if he wanted to go out to lunch with us and he didn't seem too enthusiastic on coming with." sammy explained.

"you? telling me not to worry? unheard of," he joked, "but you are right, i'll call him in case to see if he would like us to order something for him and bring it back." he stood up and scooted invisible crumbs off of his lap. "excuse me for a moment."

"no problem, eddie." there was an enthusiasm in his voice.

richtofen walked out of the restaurant, careful not to make eye contact with people, he kept his head angled down. as much as richtofen looked approachable, it was uncomfortable to put himself in a situation where there was small talk; more notably when there was no one he knew around to pull him out of a conversation.

he went to tanks contact and called him, ringing 5 times before he picked up.

"hello?" the man on the other end seemed groggy.

"hi tank, sammy and i ended up going out to lunch. i didn't want to wake you but we're still here, do you want me to order anything for you?"

"no, that's okay. i'm not too hungry but thank you."

"alright, i have some snacks in my room if you feel the need to eat. i'm sure sammy would be open to sharing whatever food he has as well. but don't quote me on that." he chuckled, "are you doing alright?"

"oh, yeah i'm fine. i just opened my eyes. jeez, what time is it anyways?"

"it's two in the afternoon, you stayed up all night. i heard your tv. such violent movies before bed." he teased.

"yeah yeah, like i didn't hear you sleep talkin' about blowin' a zombies brains out. such violent thoughts mid dream." he teased back, starting to wake up now.

"okay tank, you got me. i shouldn't keep sammy waiting long. please do not eat my pop-tarts, i stole them from the pantry. i'm smuggling them into germany with me. other than that, those are the only snacks off limits. i keep them in the first bedside drawer."

"you got it doc. i'll see you soon." dempsey opened the door of his room.

"see you soon." richtofen hung up and walked himself back to his table, where he found sammy picking at the skin of his fingers. "tank didn't want anything, i told him he could have the snacks in my room if he wanted." there was a brief pause, "you shouldn't pick your skin like that, you'll give yourself an infection that way. or scarring."

he moved his hand slowly away from the finger he was screwing with. "you've always been good at looking out for people, you know? thank you. sometimes i fall back on things like this if i get nervous, or worried, or.. well, as you could imagine the list goes on."

"i understand, falling back on things seems to help doesn't it? in the long run though, it only leaves scarring. the comfort is temporary."

richtofen knew much about scarring, he had scars from his childhood and adulthood. he could recall searching for roley-poley bugs and scraping his knees in a panic to save them from the children who rode their bikes over lines of conveniently placed, insignificant lives. they were never insignificant to him though, in a way he made friends with the insects; he grew up a lonely child in a world that never quite understood him. this happened many times, as if the other children had nothing better to do. richtofen had been run over by the bicycles of those committing abhorrent acts far many too times, but in his eyes, it was a small price to pay for those that could not defend themselves.

of course, this wasn't the only way he had received scars. but he was determined not to let his mind slip down that path so early in the day.

while he was thinking sam had asked for the check.
"i know, but it helps in the moment. when i was small my mom would put a bandaid on the finger i liked to pick at."

"oh, so this has been going on a while? any infections yet?" he said half-humorously.

"do tenderness and drainage count as infection?"

"oh goodness, yes. but luckily they aren't too serious most of the time. i urge you to be careful though."

sam just laughed, attempting to talk but cut off by the waitress handing him the bill. "thank you," he turned towards richtofen, "i'll take this one." he winked and put his card in the holder, which the waitress took relatively quickly.

"i'll get you next time."

———————————————-
once richtofen hung up the phone, dempsey ended up venturing into richtofens room for a snack. he said he wasn't hungry, but the truth was he didn't want to inconvenience his two friends for something to eat when he could do it without bothering anyone at sams house.

he opened the door and not to his surprise, saw a neatly made bed and a spotless floor. it was quite a contrast to his room; he had clothes from the previous day scattered on the ground and one hell of an unmade bed.

his eyes drifted and then shot back to the teddy bear placed on richtofens pillow. it got a smile out of him. dempsey reached for a throw blanket folded on the edge of the bed and wrapped the bear in it, placing it back in its original spot.
"never thought ed was the type to lug stuffies around with him, not that i'm complaining, it's sort of cute." he spoke to himself. "now for those snacks.."

he opened the bedside drawer to find a load of snacks, "peanut butter cups for breakfast, huh tank? either that or the pop tarts." he caused himself to laugh. "only if you got a death wish."
he grabbed the reese's cups from the drawer and downed one of them before even getting himself out of the room first. the combination of the two foods sent him into a state of nostalgia, remembering his days as a child. he had eaten plenty of these 'back in his day', as he would say, even though he was relatively young.

he flicked the tv on in the living room and crossed his legs, switching through channels until he landed on his favorite show, South Park. tank had always gotten a kick out of the crude humor and situation the show seemed to ooze of. nothing cheered him up quicker than a few episodes of a show he had been watching for a very long time. he popped the last piece of candy into his mouth and crumpled the wrappers in his left hand.
the front door started to open, and he rushed to pause the tv with a mouth full of food and waved towards the door at the two men walking in. sam locked the door behind him and quickly walked to his room, waving before he shut the door, as tank got the rest of the candy down his throat.

"i see you found yourself my stash, mister 'i'm not that hungry'."

"cmon, candy's irresistible!" he turned the tv off and walked over to richtofen.

"what have you been watching?" his curiosity got the best of him, he glanced at the TVs black screen.

"oh, it's called south park. not sure that airs in germany or not, but i'm not sure you'd like it regardless."

"ah, it airs in germany, i've never watched it though."

"i don't think you would want to start now." tank laughed "how about you and i watch an episode sometime? i'll pick one that's not completely horrid."

"i would love to watch south park with you.." he trailed off and let his hand brush the side of tanks arm, avoiding eye contact, "i'm not sure if you're aware, and i'm not sure how to break the news to you, but i am leaving america soon. it's almost time for me to go back home." he regretted it as the words fell out of his mouth.

tank felt his heart drop, "oh." he glimpsed at the hand caressing his upper arm absentmindedly. richtofens hand recoiled when he realized that had been going on far longer than he realized.

"sorry." he felt embarrassed. he knew tank had not taken the news well.

tank tried to hide the disappointment in his voice. "it's okay, when are you leaving?"

"in two days. if i could, i'd stay here with you. or go back to.. where is it you live again?" he cut himself short.

"i live in new york. albany, if we're being precise." he couldn't keep his despondency from going unnoticed.

"i’m sorry, tank. what do you say we have a few drinks and talk tonight? it’s been a long while.”

“talk?” talks always scared tank, he never knew whether he had done something wrong. “what do you mean by talk?”

“just a heart to heart, you know, nothing in particular. just to catch up.”

“i’d like that.” tank was looking forward to something for the first time in a long time.

Chapter Text

tanks eyebrows furrowed in frustration as he flicked his chrome lighter to no avail. he cupped his hand over the lighter and held his cigarette loosely in his teeth, successfully lighting it after many tries. the hot smoke that filled his lungs battled the cold of outside, and an exhale sent the smoke swirling into a blue-black sky.

"how long have you been doing that?" there was a slight concern in edwards voice.

tank took another drag and blew the smoke in the opposite direction of richtofen, "since i got diagnosed with my tbi. it's not very often you'll be seeing me do this, though i think it's more relaxing than it should be."

there was an audible sigh and a short silence. "let me see your lighter." richtofen motioned towards the box shaped piece of metal on tanks lap and it was gladly handed to him. he studied it. a little grin plastered his face, "i gave you this, see the letter D in the corner?"

"huh, no shit." his eyebrow cocked as he stole it back and looked at it closer. "this means a lot more to me now than it did about 30 seconds ago." he held it tight in his hand and smiled at richtofen, he had always kept the lighter on him. he couldn't remember a time where it wasn't on his person.
truth be told, tank didn't smoke cigarettes unless he was nervous, but having the lighter in his pocket gave him a sense of security. and he was never sure why until now.

"although, i'll have you know it's intended purpose was not to light those." he was stern.

dempsey held it between his index and pointer finger and filled two glasses with a bottle of wine. he held his glass in the same hand and took a sip. "funny how people change.. i don't think i intended for its purpose to be for this either. if it helps, it sure does get put to use lighting some candles at my place." he took another sip, "was it disappointing meeting me again?"

"what?"

"cmon, i don't gotta explain everything do i, eddie?" he teased and elbowed him. "i mean, have i changed for the better or worse? was it disappointing meeting me all these years later?" he looked toward edward with a certain glint in his eyes.

"i think mostly, i'm just happy you're here. you know, all these years i've grieved for you thinking for certain you were gone, and you did it for me. for all of us. it was selfless, i've never seen anyone be so brave. but when it comes down to it.. no, i'm not disappointed in who you've become at all, you're still dempsey to me, and you always will be. and if i'm being truthful, you haven't changed much." edward took a few gulps of his own drink, not careful at all. emotional talks were not his strong suit.

"i'm happy to hear that, i could even say relieved," smoke blew out of his nose as he half laughed at how quickly richtofen had almost downed his glass. "all those years i spent fantasizing about a fuckin' polaroid. you're way different than the version of you that i thought up."

he panicked, "is that a bad thing-"

"no way, i think you're better than what i had imagined. i do feel bad for not remembering what you were like, it's something that weighs me down a lot."

"hey, you know i do not blame you, right? that's nothing you can control, and i'm certainly not mad at you for what you can't control. i wish with my entire heart that you didn't have to suffer, and that you could remember all of the wonderful times we shared. but on the other hand, i do get to retell some amazing stories, maybe even some i've forgotten about myself."

"you are really good at making people feel better. you take the burden out of my burden." tank snuck an arm around edwards shoulder and put his cigarette out on the ashtray sitting on the arm of the porch couch. richtofens face turned beet red, and it was evident even under the dim lighting of the fairy lights that were strung up on the overhang. "you're the first person i've hung out with like this since.." his smile dropped, "i've been real lonely, doc. i've literally had nobody at all."

"you have me now." he slowly bent his arm upwards to meet the hand hanging over his shoulder, interlocking his fingers with tanks. the chilly weather didn't seem to affect the temperature of tanks hand, it brought a deep comfort to edward. "you always have me."
he didn't know whether it was the affect of the drink or his confidence rising, although he figured it could be both.

the corners of tanks lips curled, edward could see it out of the corner of his eye. the silence between them was not awkward.

they took their time looking at the spotted sky, through the giant redwoods that seemed to part in favor of the stargazers.

richtofen gasped, causing dempsey to look over at him.
"do you see that?" he pointed at the western sky.

"what in particular?" he tried to pick out important details, but to him the western sky looked the same as the other directions of sky.

"it's cassiopeia." he traced the 5 bright stars in the sky with his finger, “it’s the giant ‘M’ shape that the stars draw out.”

“i think i see it,” tank followed edwards fingers as they traced the dark, “it’s beautiful.”

“cassiopeia was a queen in greek mythology, she was narcissistic; often boasting about how beautiful she was, she claimed to be more beautiful than 50 sea nymphs. they got mad at her for this and requested she be punished, and Poseidon being married to a nymph of course felt it was right. so she was banished to the sky, sometimes the constellation is upside down.”

tanks half-lidded eyes looked at edwards face as he went on the informative rant about the constellation. “that’s amazing. how do you know all this if i’m allowed to ask?” tank was in awe over edwards ability to explode with knowledge on totally random things at any moment.

“i’ve read a lot of books on constellations. if i tried, i could point them out and give detailed stories on them, as i did with cassiopeia’s.” he looked back at tank with a grin, edward was always happy to be talking about things he felt passionately for.

“i gotta wonder how bored people were to stare at the sky for so many days that they recognized the fuckin’ positions of the stars. not to mention extensive detail on why the stars ended up where they did.” he chuckled under his breath.

“but they make for great stories now.”

“you’re right, i would’ve never known that if some bored dude 2000 years ago didn’t stare at the sky.”

“oh quit it, you’re impossible.” he earned a laugh out of richtofen.

tank gulped down the rest of his drink and leaned back, “so where’s the big dipper?”

richtofen pointed north, “i’m assuming that’s the only constellation you’ve ever heard of.” he traced the shape.

“not true, i’ve also heard of the little dipper.” he made a smartass remark

“dummkopf.” he raised his finger and traced another one, “and there’s the little dipper as well.”

“you just call me a dumbass?”

“nein, i called you an idiot.”

Chapter Text

the small talk and flirting went on for hours, eventually both men grew tired. richtofen fell victim to the exhaustion, his head falling onto dempseys shoulder. dempsey didn't mind, he let it stay that way for a while as he stargazed, with one leg over his other and his arm still draped around richtofens shoulders.

now he could feel himself getting cold, "eddie," he whispered as he took his arm back and slowly stood up, using the couch as a crutch. he grabbed richtofens hands and pulled them slowly towards his own body, succeeding at standing him up. he put his arm in the crook of the back of his knees and his other arm supported the back of his head. "you're a heavy sleeper."
tank began to walk back inside, through the living room and into the hallway that had entrances to both of their rooms. he stepped foot in edwards room.

"no," edward had been awake the whole time, although quite out of it, "just take me to yours." he slurred out.

tank wasn't sure if that was the alcohol or tiredness speaking, but either way he wasn't opposed to it.
"you got it eddie." he turned himself back around and stepped into his own room. he sat richtofen down on the edge of his bed and pulled the comforter and other blankets back, "go ahead, i'll be back."

richtofen crawled into the far side of the bed against the wall, as tank stepped back into richtofens room and grabbed the teddy bear that was still on the neatly made bed.

"i uh, figured you'd want this." he set the bear next to richtofen.

"thank you." richtofen was embarrassed that dempsey had figured out he had a stuffed animal, but grateful there was no judgement. he noticed tank was standing there awkwardly, "are you going to sleep?"

"yes, i think i'm just nervous." he laughed it off, "now, i generally don't sleep with a shirt on.."

"that's no issue. it's your bed. i usually have pajamas but i am too tired to make an effort so i'll have to live with what i'm in." richtofen yawned and pulled the blanket up to his nose.

dempsey crossed his arms and took his shirt off and tossed it across the room, richtofen tried to look like he wasn't paying attention.

tank climbed into his bed and pulled the covers over him as well, facing the slender figure in his bed. "thank you for tonight. you'll have to show me another constellation sometime."

"of course." crows feet formed by his eyes, although the bottom of his face was not visible, his happiness was. his eyes fluttered closed as he drifted away.

"g'nite eddie." his hand reached behind richtofens head and felt his hair.
dempsey had not felt this content in a long time, and even with some bold moves that were made, he was still left unsure if edward liked him in that way.

he was ballsy tonight, more than usual, but he hadn't an ounce of regret in his body towards it. he couldn't remember the last time he slept in a bed with someone because he genuinely loved them. there had been plenty of one-nighters and friends with benefits before, all were used as coping mechanisms against the inevitable.

he felt at peace with the fact that richtofen was neither of those things, he saw something in him that he would never see in anyone else.

soon enough, dempsey faded into the same sleep richtofen did.

————————————————

richtofen was woken up by a crash coming from the bathroom down the hall, he felt drowsy, but he was alert enough to realize tank was not in the bed next to him.

“tank?” edward rubbed his squinted eyes and scooted towards the end of the bed and was able to plant his feet on the ground. he received no response, which led him to start walking towards the bathroom door.
“are you okay?” he pressed his knuckle against the door and peeled into the crack of it.
he had to do a double take, quickly shoving the door open and then pushing it closed behind him, with a bang.

tank was sitting in an upward fetal position with his shaking hands gripping his hair, he noticed a little bit of blood on the wall.

he rushed over to him and put a hand over his hands, “oh gott.” he froze as he heard a knock at the door behind him.

“is everything alright?” sam called from behind the door.

“oh, yes, everything’s okay. i just shut the door a bit too hard.” richtofen tried to play off his worry quickly, which seemingly worked.

“okay, let me know if you need anything, ed.”

“thank you sammy, goodnight.” his eyes never left tank. as soon as he heard footsteps walk in the other direction, tank once again had his attention.

“you’re okay, you’re okay.” he wrapped his arms around dempsey, feeling his staggered breathing and shivering made richtofen more concerned.

“don’t touch.” dempseys voice cracked.

edward backed off of the man in distress and jogged to grab the bottle off of his own bedside table from the night prior to this. he brought it back to dempsey. “here, it’s water. i can get iced water if you’d prefer that.”

dempsey reached a shaky hand up to grab it, and pushed it to his lips.

“take sips, don’t gulp.”

he did what richtofen recommended, while richtofen gently grabbed his other hand down from his hair. “your forehead.. hold on.”
he reached for the hand towel by the sink. “i’m positive this isn’t sanitary, but let me help. keep sipping that.” he dabbed some of the blood off the fresh wound, and backed up everytime dempsey winced, then wiping away the few individual streams of blood that had made their way down his face.

dempsey set the water down next to him, nearly spilling it.

“you like chocolate don’t you?”

dempsey nodded.

“you wait here.” richtofen went back into his room and grabbed a hersheys bar from that first drawer full of snacks, unwrapping it on the way back to his friend. “you don’t have to eat all of this, but it’s important you take a bite.”

“why?” dempsey grabbed it from caring hands and looked down at it.

“it will regulate your blood sugar, it might relax you. you also like chocolate, you’ll enjoy it.” he sat next to him on the cold tile floor and rubbed his back with one hand. “is this okay? you’re shaking.”

“it’s fine now.” his responses were blunt, but he took a bite of the bar and set it aside. “i can’t breathe very well.” he sounded choked up.

“match my breaths for me.” richtofen took deep breaths as he watched dempsey struggle to do the same. his breaths started to pick up pace as his hands slammed back onto his head, his eyes clenched shut.

“fuck..” dempsey sounded defeated through breaths.

richtofen took his hand off dempseys bare back, “okay, it may be too early to try that. do you have medication for this?”

tank shook his head which was being squeezed by his forearms.

“concentrate on your breathing, stay in the present. what you’re feeling is scary but not dangerous. you’re safe, i’m here to protect you from harms way.” richtofen was careful to speak softly.

dempseys hand reached for richtofens, squeezing it tight.
he would never admit that it hurt, he was more than willing to offer up his hand as a stress ball if it meant helping him.

“i won’t let anything hurt you.”

edwards words of reassurance seemed to calm tank down a little bit, his labored breathing turned into what were sad attempts to have his crying go unnoticed. his grip on edward loosened as he looked up to meet the worried mans face.

edward wiped tears and snot off of dempseys face with his free hand, then wiping the fluids on the bloody rag from earlier, careful to avoid any contaminated parts from earlier.

“gross.” dempsey laughed through tears as richtofen struggled to rid himself of the goo between his fingers.

richtofen rolled his eyes playfully with a small smile of relief as he handed tank the water again. “drink a little bit, you’re going to be dehydrated. and take another bite.” he observed as tank did just that. richtofen stood up to grab a clean rag and ran it under cool water and grabbed a first aid kid from under the sink, bending back down to clean his face up.

he worked the sweat and snot off first, and then the remainder of blood that he didn’t have the chance to get. dempsey looked down the whole time.
“you’re through the worst of it now.” he opened the first aid kid and picked out an antiseptic, a gauze pad, adhesive tape and surgical gloves.

dempsey watched as he snapped the gloves on over his hands, and squeezed a little bit of the antiseptic onto the tip of his finger. he patted it onto the wound, and took the gauze out of the wrapper. he gently pressed it onto dempseys forehead with one hand and taped it down with the other.

he took his gloves off swiftly and threw away the wrappers along with them. facing dempsey, he pressed his lips to the bandage with an exaggerated pucker sound. “i don’t do that for other patients, only you.”

dempsey became flustered, hiding his face in his hands. richtofen saw the redness of his cheeks poke out through an attempt to hide it. a barely audible “thank you” could be heard.

richtofens eyes wandered to dempseys scarred torso, paying more mind to the tattoos. “parabellum?” he motioned to the word on his forearm.

“what?” dempsey looked down at his arm, “oh, it means ‘if you want peace, prepare for war’. it’s latin.”

“that’s beautiful.” he read the other tattoos that resides under each collar bone.
under his right collar bone was ‘semper fi’, and under the left ‘until valhalla’. inked permanently onto his chest was an eagle.
“i know what semper fi means, how about until valhalla? that has to do with norse mythology.”

“it does, i got it after the war. it means that heroes slain in battle will be received into a place of honor and happiness. i was close with a few people who i fought with, unfortunately not all of them were as lucky as i was. if you know what valhalla is you should know it’s referred to as the hall of the fallen.” tank hesitated, “it just reminds me that i’ll see them again, and some part of me wants to believe that they know that.”

“i’m sure they know, i’m sure they’re so proud of you.” richtofen dragged his hand from dempseys head to his shoulder with a sympathetic look on his face.

“you’ve never seen those tattoos before? i had at least two of them by the time we had met. the first time i mean.”

“tank, you never let me see you with your shirt off.” he laughed.

“probably was too afraid you’d fall head over heels for me.”

“you might have been right about that.”

Chapter Text

richtofen walked down the dimly lit hallway and approached sammy in the kitchen.

"hi eddie!" he patted him on the back without recognizing his own strength.

edward grimaced in slight annoyance at the hard pats he received, "good morning, i'm sorry if i woke you last night."

"it's no trouble at all! i was still awake, but i don't believe you were as alright as you said you were."

"i.." he hesitated, careful not to betray tanks trust, "it was okay in the end." his eyes trailed to the side as he sighed. he was still shaken deep down, he had seen worse. much worse; but to see one of the strongest people he had ever known struggle like that, it scared him.

"i'm glad for that then. you two seem to be getting close." he leaned against the counter, his hands slightly gripping the edge as he smiled.

edward turned into a blushing mess, he didn't think it was that noticeable. "i think so too. i don't really want to leave him." he scratched the back of his head and looked down, feeling guilty. "i'm leaving tomorrow as you know, it feels as if i just arrived. it's been a month already."

"you know, you always have a place here. if you choose to stay i have no problem with it." his eyes were kind. "although, tank is leaving tomorrow too. he told me last night, so if you stay you better tell him."

"that's such a tough decision." there was frustration behind his voice, he fiddled with a button on his shirt. "one i don't want to make.."

"hey, guys." he waved, the look on his face was somber. this look caused richtofen to frown, knowing tank was still not all there from what had happened earlier. he must have been so tired.

he walked up to edward and snuck his arms around his waist, planting his chin on the slightly taller man's shoulder.

he smirked at richtofens nervous, but hardly noticeable trembles. richtofen wrapped his arms around dempsey back, he liked to fluster people.

"hello tank, is your forehead okay?" he motioned to the obvious bandage.

dempsey let go of richtofen and put a hand over it, "oh. yeah, i'm okay. i can't remember what i did to it." he lied to avoid getting into what really happened.

"good. if you need ice for it you let me know."

"thanks sammy, i will. i left some things on your porch last night, i'll pick them up."

"don't worry about it, i'll get it for you. you and eddie should spend as much time as you can get together." he put his hand on dempseys shoulder and gave a happy glare, walking away and towards the door.

"he's so thoughtful isnt he? it's not often you find a friend like sammy, although he can be a bit.. touchy with me."

dempseys brows furrowed, looking confused.

richtofen looked into the confused eyes, catching onto what it seemed like he had said, "oh my gott," he facepalmed, "not like that in the slightest bit. what i meant is, he can be so.. i only feel completely comfortable with a few select people touching me at all. but that's not his fault, i love him."

"why don't you tell him that?"

"normally i would tell someone if they're bothering me, i could never with sammy. he seems so excited to be around me, i'd hate to make him upset at all."

"if it bothers you-"

"it's okay, tank. no worries. if something bothers me enough, i'll handle it."

"alright." tank reluctantly backed off. he had become protective.

"do you want to help me pack? i'll help you as well. i'm going to need to change your bandage first though, seeing as you bled through it last night."

"alright, that sounds good. i'll help you, i'm not really lookin forward to you leaving though."

"i know.. we will not ever lose contact though. not again." he took tanks hand into his own and graced it with his thumb.
"let's go." he lead tank to the bathroom and took out the same first aid kid he had used earlier.
he had tank sit on the counter out of its convenience.

"your tattoos," he snapped his gloves on, "i never got to tell you how nice they looked." he scrambled through the mess of bandaids and ointments in the box, cursing samuel in his head for leaving it unorganized.

"thank you, no one's seen them in a while." he closed his eyes as edward tried hard to remove the adhesive tape from his forehead as gently as he could, peeling back a bandage packed with dried blood.

richtofen attempted to rip the bandage open with a struggle, "damn, these gloves."

"let me get it?" he held a hand open.

he was handed the bandage. "don't touch what's inside or i'll have to start over."

tank separated the two paper sides and held it open for edward to grab. "you are really serious about these things aren't you? when i get a cut i just slap a bandaid on it and call it a day honestly."

"that's going to stop." edward chuckled as he held the bandage to his head and taped it down with the medical tape.

"thanks, doc. do you have any tattoos?"

"no, i've never thought about getting any. i just don't think they're for me." he leaned forward to kiss the bandage again, earning excited eyes from his patient.

"do i get a lollipop too?" he half joked.

richtofen rolled his eyes, "come help me pack and we'll see if i stashed one away."
they walked to his room, "most of everything is in drawers, just take them how they are and put them in that suitcase. they're most likely already folded."

"fancy ass." he opened a drawer and picked up a stack of folded clothes, putting them in the suitcase.

"your clothes are all over the floor in there, my fancy ass will be packed in 5 minutes."

"with the help of tank dempsey."

"i could do it without tank dempsey." he smirked.

"but you won't." he took a lollipop out of the drawer and stuck it in his cheek.
———————————————
once done in richtofens room, they walked to dempseys room.

dempsey opened his suitcase and put it on his bed.

"your wardrobe is wonderfully displayed on the floor tank."

dempsey pointed at richtofen with his candy, "watch it pal." tank grabbed at what was on the floor and shoveled it into the suitcase.

"no, stop, you're physically hurting me." edward shoved tank out of the way and folded the piece of clothing, placing it into the corner of the suitcase. "why is it damp!?" he wiped his hand off on the comforter of the bed.

"have you never seen a man sweat before?" he folded bunched up shorts badly and put them on top of the shirt richtofen had done.

"that shirt is from two days ago." richtofen quickly folded the clothes around him and filled the suitcase with ease.

"have you never seen a man sweat a lot?"

"i.. think you have hyperhidrosis. excessive sweat." richtofen just laughed as he folded the last pair of pants and zipped the suitcase up for him. "you packed like you planned on soiling your pants everyday."

"how do you know i didn't?"

"i just picked up fifteen different pairs of pants off the floor, i'm certain they'd look a little different if you had been doing.. that." he pushed his fingers into his own temples, "why did i explain that to you. in that much depth."

"aw, am i so stupid that you have to explain why i didn't shit my own pants to me?"

"well, you haven't changed a bit." richtofen smirked as he wheeled the suitcase towards tanks dresser.

"i guess i haven't." tank flopped back on the bed and folded his arms behind his sore neck. "i bumped my head pretty good last night didn't i?"

"oh, i was too late to see what happened. you left a splatter on sammy's wall but i took care of it when you fell asleep." he sat next to tank, "how are you feeling now?"

"i'm just exhausted. sometimes something either triggers that out of me or i wake up thinking about it and.. well, one thing leads to the next. usually i have to deal with it on my own, uh.."

"you're welcome. don't worry about it, i don't think manners have ever-"

"thank you, eddie. for everything." he turned his head to look up at him.

"oh wow, maybe you have changed." richtofen chuckled and ruffed the front of dempseys hair up.

"i got uglier too."

"once again, you are physically hurting me. you are so wrong. i've never heard anything more abhorrently incorrect in all my
days." he was monotone.

tank ignored the attempt to make him feel better, "see, it's funnier when you say things because you're german."

"do you know how stupid american accents sound to people in germany?"

"ed, americans sound dumb to americans." he took what little there was of his lollipop and pointed around the room with it, as if it somehow proved his point to someone who would never understand it, then crunched down on it.

richtofen laid down next to dempsey in comfortable silence. “i don’t want to leave you. we’ve spent so long apart.”

“and i don’t want you to leave me.. but i understand that you have to go home.” he sighed, “i really like you eddie, but being so far apart is going to be.. hard. i mean, your time zone will be 6 hours ahead of mine. i wont even be awake before you’re asleep.”

“i know.” he seemed to be deep in thought, “but that doesn’t mean we won’t find time to talk?”

“of course we will but..”

“why don’t we just see how things play out.” richtofen said softly next to tanks ear.

“you’re going to have to talk louder than that.”

“i said it straight into your ear, i’m not going to shout.”

tank rolled over to look at him better and smirked, “i’m deaf in that one. ableist is what you are.” he felt comfortable enough with him to joke about his insecurity.

richtofens eyes widened, “i am not ableist.” he took a second, “i had no idea, i’m sorry, are you okay? i..”

“i’m okay, i heard what you said anyway. i was dickin around.” he put his hand on richtofens face, “you had to know at some point. i wanted to tell you while you were here but never figured out how to break it to you. it doesn’t affect me much, it’s mostly insecurity.”

richtofen touched behind his ear to find raised scar tissue, tank yanked his head away and grabbed richtofens wrist, “ah.. sorry.” he looked down.

“no one knows about that. my hair covers it.” he touched the spot, “i didn’t mean to be so abrupt, i just get insecure i guess.” he grabbed richtofens hand, “you’re okay. if you want to look or something you can, i just got startled.”

“maybe not now. but thank you. im glad you’re okay.” he took a minute to think, “i have scars too. ones that nearly killed me.” he said in an attempt to be relatable. “i don’t remember the last time anyones seen them. then again, i can’t remember the last time i trusted anyone enough to be that vulnerable.”

“vulnerability can be good.. i bet yours are from something more interesting than mine at least.” tank rubbed the back of his head and awkwardly chuckled.

“ah.. nein. they’re from me, mostly. and nik-“ he cut himself off, “and other people.” he didn’t want to ruin whatever version of nikolai tank had made up in his mind. nikolai was always nice to tank, but he wasn’t nice to richtofen. and he wasn’t sure how tank would react to that.

tank felt his heart drop, “well we match in the first department. i think that those types of scars in particular are proof that we never gave up. even if you’re struggling now, you didn’t surrender to what was bothering you at the time.”

“that puts a spin on my thought processing. thank you, i think i needed to hear that.”

“so, what did the other people end up doing to you?”

“i’ve got bullet wounds.”

“well shit, how did you manage to survive that?”

“luckily, they weren’t too deep in my skin, they did not puncture any vital organs.. and i had a wonderful helper.” he used thoughtful wording as to not make tank feel bad about not remembering he was the one who saved him. although, tank never did find out it was nikolai who had been doing it. and edward really did want to give nikolai the benefit of the doubt when it came to whether the shots were fired on purpose, or if he had shaky aim.

“if you ever see them again, could you give them my thanks? you might have not been here.”

“i certainly wouldn’t be here, and i will.”

Chapter Text

"it was so nice having you boys over, please don't forget to keep in contact with me! maybe we can set something up another time," he looked at them through the cars window, "maybe next time i will have nikolai and takeo come along. call me every once in a while, will you?"

richtofen smiled and nodded, "i won't forget. maybe when i get home, if you are still awake. thank you for letting me stay sammy. and thank you for reuniting tank and i, i really needed it."

"i'll keep in contact with you too. thanks so much for everything man." dempsey picked his rolling suitcase up by the handle as they all waved goodbye to each other.

they both turned around, suitcases in hand, and walked through the doors of the airport.

"tank, why not just roll the suitcase? that's what the wheels are for."

"it's easier to carry."

"once it gets annoying to hold are you going to find another way to try and impress me?" he winked.

"i.. uh.." he put his suitcase down and rolled it instead, grumbling a stubborn "whatever." he grabbed richtofens hand quickly and pretended he wasn't caught in the act.

richtofen giggled, "you're very strong." he made an attempt to make him feel better about it and earned a sly smirk that was plastered on his face.

tank had been nervous all day, filled with the dread of having to leave richtofen. he had felt accepted for the first time in a long time, he had felt not alone. he had been by himself for many years, he had to deal with grief and life altering diagnoses, and he had to do it on his own. he didn't want to go home and do it all again, with so much to think about.

"i wanted to give you something, i might as well give it to you after we go through security."

"sure, that's nice of you." he smiled.
———————————————
"security always terrifies me, although i'm positive i have nothing illegal on me. i'm sure they're going to pull a grenade out of nowhere." richtofen looked back at the security men who continued to pat people down and ushered people through the bulky machines. "americas security is over the top as always."

"it's necessary unfortunately," he rolled his eyes. "how long do you have until your flight?"

"i have about two hours. i know you have about an hour left until you're supposed to start boarding, i'll stay with you until then."

"let's just go to the boarding area and sit down. it's too early to be walking around right now."

"agreed." richtofen found himself squinting at the overly-fluorescent lighting of the airport. he couldn't ignore the fact he was nervous, though maybe for different reasons.
they walked to the boarding area and picked two seats to sit in, side by side.

dempsey took off his pull over sweatshirt as richtofen sat down and held it in his lap.

"are you sweaty again?" he half joked.

tank nervously laughed, "well no, not particularly.." he looked down at the sweatshirt, "i wanted to give this to you." he handed it to richtofen, "i know it's probably not your style but i don't want you leaving empty handed or anything. have something of mine. i got it when i moved to new york; you could probably tell it's from new york hence the.. huge words that say new york on the front." he rambled on, not making eye contact once. he sort of used his hands to talk towards the floor in front of him. "it's my favorite one."

richtofen studied the grey sweatshirt and then held it close to his chest, and with sincerity in his voice, he said "thank you." it was all he could muster in the moment. he pulled it away from him and looked at it again, he knew it would become one of his favorite belongings. "and i have something for you." he reached into his carry on and pulled out his teddy bear.

"oh no, ed, you keep that." he shook his hands in front of him. "that's too special. i don't think you'd be carrying it around with you if it didn't have significance to you." he pushed it back to edwards body. "you have to keep this for you."

"but i want you to have it. that doesn't mean i won't ever see it again. my teddy means wonders to me but i know he will be safe with you. and you will be safe with him." there was a sadness behind his smile. "you won't feel so alone."

tank was reluctant to grab the bear from him, "are you sure? we're going to be far apart."

"i'm positive. you deserve to have some piece of me that isn't a polaroid from a decade ago." he outstretched his bear to tank.

tank shook his head.

"please, it's okay. goodbyes are hard, but this is proof we are going to see each other again. i will want him back eventually. this is a physical promise." he pushed the bear into dempseys hand.

dempsey took it from him with a small frown on his face, "okay. he's safe with me." he put the bear on his lap and looked behind him, "do you want to grab a coffee with me? there's a starbucks over there."

"i would die for caffeine right now, let's go." richtofen slipped dempseys sweatshirt over his shirt and grabbed his suitcase while tank gathered his belongings as well.

"well, we have about an hour left." there was a woeful expression painted onto tanks face. it was going to take every part of him to let edward go, he didn't want to say goodbye again. somewhere deep inside of him he was scared it would be the last time they'd be in the same room.

"let's make the best of it. don't worry about what's to come, be happy you're here now." he gave a gentle squeeze to tanks hand as they walked up to the counter.

"hi, can i just get regular coffee with milk and sugar," he turned around to look at richtofen, "and ed, what did you want?"

"i'll just a have black coffee please." he slid forward the amount of money that popped up on the register before the barista had a chance to announce it.

"you certainly didn't waste your time putting your money up there. couldn't slip mine in if i tried.. black coffee huh? that's tough. too bitter for me." he pulled out a chair for richtofen and sat in the one across from his.

"i've always been able to handle it very well, though it's funny seeing people trying to choke it down. it must taste bad to most."

“i couldn’t stand it if i tried. i have some weird fuzzy memory of people trying to get me to chug one, i remember taking one gulp and i doubled over the next second. i can’t remember if i threw up or not.”

“you didn’t.” he took a sip of his coffee and looked at him simultaneously. he soon after put his hand over tanks, waiting for him to understand. “nearly. but i got you water. it was cruel of us.”

tank shook his head, “it’s cruel to joke about that stuff yknow. that was in bad taste, ed.” he looked upset.

“no, i’m serious. i would never make that up. you remembered that quite well.” edward was ecstatic, but tried not to make a big deal out of it in case tank did not want to feel alienated. he couldn’t hold back his smile however.

“holy shit.” he scratched the back of his head and flashed a toothy grin. he felt a cocktail of emotions running through his brain. “i have a lot of memories like that. makes me wonder how many things i do remember.” he played with richtofens fingers on the table. “fuzzy memories don’t have faces. it’s just the context of what happened.”

“ah, i understand. if you have any more than come to mind i would be more than happy to tell you if any of us were involved.” he looked at the veiny hands feeling his digits.

“one question, who encouraged it?”

“originally nikolai, then me. takeo sort of stood back and watched the chaos happened. i was the one to jump in when i saw you looking as sick as you did. they just laughed and laughed. the water helped, it probably got some of the bitterness off of your tongue.”

“well i hope it ain’t too late to say thanks.”

“better late than never.”

“so about nikolai and takeo.. is there a chance we’ll ever see them again? me specifically. i’ve been thinking about it a lot, i think it would be nice to have a connection with them again.”

“yes, it’s possible.” he sounded unsure, and then excited to elaborate. “i know that takeo works at an animal adoption center. it’s very sweet.”

“he a cat or a dog person?”

“reptile. he has a lizard.”

“interesting. i knew someone who had a lizard once, they’re not too common. what about nikolai? what’s he been up to?”

“actually.. i’m not sure. i don’t keep up with nikolai like i do with takeo.”

“that’s a shame. you don’t talk excited about nikolai like you do with takeo.”

“i know.” edward ground his teeth subliminally, he didn’t like to talk about him much. his problem with nikolai ran much deeper than bullet holes.

“we don’t have to talk about that now.”

“thank you. maybe that’s a topic for another time.” he finished off his coffee with his free hand, he dare not move the one that tank was having his fun with.

a lady’s voice could be heard on the speaker echoing throughout the busy airport hallways, she called for those boarding a certain flight to make their way to the boarding area if they were not already in it.

tank nodded understandingly, “guess that’s my cue to get going huh..”

“don’t worry, i’ll walk you there.” he stood up and cleaned off the tables mess, not about to leave it up to the employees to fix, and offered his hand to tank. tank took his hand and stood up, grabbing his belongings.

“i don’t want to leave you.” he held edwards hand in his as he walked to the boarding area.

“i know. we will visit again soon, okay?” his thumb made circles on tanks outer palm.

“okay..” he trailed off with prominent sadness. they had reached the boarding area and people were filing into the plane.

“let’s go.” edward lead the way into the plane.

tanks legs tried to lock but richtofen kept pushing on with a quick pace, “no, ed, your plane goes to germany. you have another hour left until you leave for that.” he stumbled over his own feet while being dragged. “stop it eddie.”

“no, let’s sit.” he sat down in a memorized seat and pointed to the spot next to him.

“eddie..” tank pressed his fingers to his temples, “you cant.” he was starting to get frustrated but remained calm.

“oh, i can.” he flashed his ticket up to tank. it was nearly identical to tanks.

tank sat down with a thud and snatched the ticket from his fingers. “..what did you do.” he studied it in disbelief. he compared it to his own. “i cant believe you. when did you manage this?” he waved the ticket while he talked.

“a few days ago i was talking to sammy, and the idea was sprung upon me when we were talking about us leaving. i went to my room and went through the process of buying this one and cancelling the other after we both packed.” he had a big smirk on his face. “i couldn’t leave you that quickly. i want to stay with you for a while. as long as you’ll allow.”

tank was at a loss for words. when he was excited, he found himself not able to express it as well as most people did. his hands shook slightly as he looked at richtofen, and his smile stretched from ear to ear. his eyes almost closed from how big his smile was. “you’re insane edward richtofen. i’ll never be able to express how much this means to me. i was so scared we would just never see each other again.”

“i wouldn’t let that happen even if i decided against this decision.” he tried to take his ticket back but tank didn’t let it go.

tank furrowed his eyebrows and took a closer look at the full name printed on the ticket, “is your middle name Alphonse??” he wheeze laughed, “your initials are ear?”

richtofen snatched the ticket with a snarl on his face, “it wasn’t my choice of course.” his snarl broke into a grin when he heard tank continuing to wheeze at his misfortune. “okay, okay. it is a little funny.”

dempsey slapped his knee as his wheeze turned into silence, “oh man, that’s too good.” he wiped a tear away with his pointer finger. “can i call you alphonse?”

“no. no you may not.” he pointed a semi-serious finger at tank, “and it’s an unmentionable, dempsey. do not have anyone know i’ve been cursed with that.”

“alright doc, only in return for you coming home with me.” he shook on it.

at this point, the plane was beginning to take off. both men buckled the seatbelts across their laps and prepared for slight turbulence as they propelled towards the sunrise colored sky. tank held edwards teddy bear in his lap.

“so, how long until we get there?”

“six hours.” tank rolled his eyes and rested his jaw on his hand.

“that’s certainly better than my ten hour flight i suppose. planes are always so boring. what’s new york like?”

“my part of new york needs some work in some areas. mid-town is fun though, there’s bars, nightclubs, some shops you don’t really find anywhere else.”

“what are american nightclubs like?”

“uh.. i don’t get out much ed.” he awkwardly laughed. “the last time i went to a nightclub was before i went to war. i wasn’t even legally allowed to be in one.”

“while i’m visiting could we go to one? there are a few things i’ve never had the chance to do in america. it’s not everyday i’m here.”

“there’s plenty i myself haven’t done in new york yet. i don’t see why not.”

“this has me very excite-“

everyone talking was cut off by the protruding voice of a panicked flight attendant.
“is there a doctor on board?!”

“i’m a doctor.” richtofen stood up tall, moving past dempsey and quickly walked up the aisle.

“he’s having a heart attack, we’re only trained to do so much so it’s required we ask for a doctor before doing anything a doctor could do more successfully.” she moved aside to reveal an unconscious patient.

“that’s not a heart attack. that’s cardiac arrest.” richtofen ordered the hallway to be cleared, loudly, as he grabbed the man and set him on the floor as gently as he could while going as quickly as possible. he pointed a determined finger to a flight attendant, “grab me a defibrillator from the cabin, if you need proof of my profession ask him,” he pointed to tank, “and you get my wallet and show her my identification.”

edward immediately began compressions in the middle isle, ignoring the glare of dozens of curious eyes. he didn’t stop. he internally cringed at the feeling of bones breaking beneath his own hands, and the cracking of the mans chest. “you should alert the pilots we need to land as soon as possible, i can only do so much on a plane with limited recourses.” a flight attendant rushed past edward to alert the pilots as another set the defibrillator next to him.

“thank you.” he forced the button shirt undone, causing all of the buttons to pop, a bare chest was revealed to him. he quickly stuck the sticky pads to the man, and was advised by the defibrillator to send a shock to his heart. richtofen looked around him, making sure no one was touching the body. “stand clear.” he pressed the shock button on the device, and once it was sent, began CPR again.

“we should be landing in as soon as five minutes sir, the closest airport was not too far away.”

“thank you.” he started to break a sweat from the amount of effort CPR took, the defibrillator vocalized it was about to send another shock, so he took his hands off.

there was a loud gasp from the man beneath him, sending edward falling from his knees to the ground completely. “what happened?”

“you went into cardiac arrest sir, you’re awake now and the plane is about to land so you can seek any further medical treatment that i was unable to provide.” he helped the man into a stable position, making sure he was still sitting down in preparation for the worst, “you’re okay, i have you.”

the man’s breathing was still heavy, and his face was riddled with confusion. richtofen scowled at the few faces that weren’t attempting to hide their curiosity, he tried to have the man focus on only him and not the fact he was an obvious center of attention. “focus on your breathing, it helps your circulation. the more blood you get pumping the better.” edward looked to an open wallet on the floor, displaying pictures of the man and his family.

“what’s your daughters name?”

“jolie.”

“how old is jolie?”

“she’s 26.”

“what’s her birthday?”

the man thought about it, staying silent; this had richtofen ready for another collapse.

“i think.. february twenty second.”

“excellent.” richtofen held the man tight to him and stabilized himself by grabbing onto the arm of the seat closest to him as the flight attendants notified him the plane was about to land.

within a minute, the paramedics rushed onto the plane and put the man onto the stretcher. he let the paramedics know he seemed to be almost immediately responsive after being revived, and watched them leave the plane.

richtofen received a round of applause from every single person on the plane, he looked over to tank who was sitting there with his jaw hitting the floor in surprise. edward put a hand on his forehead and walked with his head down back to his seat, “oh scheisse.” he slicked sweat into his hair, pushing back straggling strands. “that was fucking rough.”

tank noticed his shaking hands gripping his head, immediately he took them into his and took him into a long hug. edwards head was buried in his chest as tank gently rocked and rubbed his back. “you did really good. you were great.” he whispered into his ear.

the flight attendant brought out an ice water, which was handed to tank. he smiled towards the woman and attempted to get edward to drink it to no avail. he set the cup into the cup holder.

after about five minutes, the plane took off after an announcement they were clear to fly once again.

richtofen didn’t move much, he was proud of himself but also embarrassed that the situation had taken place in front of so many people. it looked like he wanted to go unnoticed, and most people respected that. tank was big enough to shield anyone from getting a glimpse of the shaky man in his arms, and for that richtofen was grateful.

“you okay eddie?” he felt a limpness with no response. he snuck his teddy bear inbetween their two bodies and pet the back of his head.
he had fallen asleep, and to no surprise. it was so early in the morning, and dempsey had read about how physically draining CPR could be, not to mention the mental effect it had on a person.

“man, i can’t wait to show you new york.” he felt a smirk against his chest.

——

fun fact! richtofens middle name is speculated to be ‘alphonse’!

Chapter Text

dempsey jammed his keys into the door of his apartment, wiggling them until he was able to push it open. he held it back for richtofen to walk through, "it ain't much but it's home."

richtofen had honestly expecting it to be a lot dirtier than it was, it was a pleasant surprise. it was a tidy little place with nice furniture and well put together decorations. "this is so cute." he walked to the window on the other side of the room and opened the curtains, revealing a beautiful view of modernized buildings. to any old new yorker, it seemed dirty, but to richtofen it was a sight rarely seen. he stared out of the window with his hand on the wall, "i've only seen this in films and pictures."

"just wait until it's dark. you'll want it to be night constantly. it's not like this at home for you is it?"

"far from it. our buildings are beautiful but we don't really have clusters of buildings in our cities like this, and our architecture is much different."

"i think you're going to have fun here. i have a feeling germany is not like albany at all."

richtofen let his eyes wander around the room as he nodded, only half paying attention.

"also, i don't have two beds at the moment. i do have a couch that flips into one though, i don't know how you feel about-"

"that won't be necessary. we've laid in the same bed before."

"we weren't sober."

"trust me, there was a point in time when we were sober. i don't have a problem with it if you don't."

tank smirked at the idea of sharing a bed with edward and not even being able to remember, "it's settled then." he picked up richtofens suitcase and his own, and encouraged him to follow him into his room. "do you like drawers or hangers for your clothes?"

"drawers, but i'll settle for hangers if necessary."

"you have enough clothes right?"

"i'll wash them, or eventually we can go shopping for more."

"or you can wear mine." tank opened the drawers of a larger dresser he had also built himself. the drawers were empty with the exception of a handheld pistol and some ammo for it. he picked it up and moved it to his bedside tables drawer.

"or i can wear yours." his cheeks turned light pink, unpacking his already neatly folded clothes and placing them in the drawers. "this is a beautiful piece of furniture." he ran his fingers along the polished curves of the edges.

"thanks, built it myself." he winked back at edward and dumped the contents of his suitcase into a laundry basket. "i didn't even clean my shit, into the basket it goes."

"wait, you mean to tell me you built this? like IKEA?"

"no, by hand." he swept some dust off of the one he was standing by, "this one too. and a few other things i have laying around."

"oh wow, that's amazing. this is beautiful tank." he studied the details and failed to hold back a yawn.

"i see it's boring you to sleep." tank playfully laughed.

"oh no, no. i'm just tired from the planes.. events. and time zones."

"want to take a nap?"
richtofen nodded sleepily,
"you got it. i'm going to go grab a water out of the fridge, one for you too. i'll be back." tank walked out of the room.

edward grabbed some pajamas out of the drawer and put them on his person, he couldn't help but snicker at the unmade bed. everything else seemed so tidy with that tiny exception. he pulled back the scrunched up blankets as tank came back through the door. "i hope he's okay." he sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hands down his face, tank offered the bottle while tanking a drink himself. edward took it, unscrewing the cap with fatigue.

"the fact he was responsive probably means good news. i wouldn't stress about it too much."

"i'll never get used to the bones cracking under my hands." he took a drink and set it down, looking at his hands. "he may be okay, but that's a long recovery. and it pisses me off how the attendants couldn't even tell the basic difference between cardiac arrest and a heart attack. that could have ended so differently if there had not been a doctor on the plane." he spoke calmly with passion.

"i don't even know the difference."

"you won't lose consciousness with a heart attack, it's a blood clot blocking blood flow. cardiac arrest is when the heart stops. he was dead, his life was in my hands."

"i haven't explained to you how impressed i am with how you handled that."

"oh, well, thank you, but that's what i've been trained to do." he wasn't sure how to take compliments relating to his profession. he took another drink of water and swung his legs onto the bed.

tank wrestled his shirt off and climbed into the opposite side of the bed, "if you wake up first just poke me a few times, i'll be up." he pulled the blanket up over them both, edward scooted closer, laying on his side. tank laid on his back, with one arm behind his head and the other around richtofen. richtofens arm resided across tanks torso.

"thank you tank. i missed you." he moved his head to tanks chest, and tanks arm moved to rest his hand on his head.

"i missed you more. probably more than you'll know. it was lonely missing you and not even remembering your name." he fiddled with the velvety hair, and received no response. he had already fallen asleep. "sweet dreams, eddie." tank smiled, feeling more content and confident with himself than he had in years. it had been so long since anyone had been in his bed, in his home. he was pretty sure the last time he shared a bed, he had a completely different mattress. his years of loneliness and tears seemed to fade away when he considered his current situation.

he finally closed his eyes and drifted off, the pressure on his chest putting him to sleep much faster than he would without it.
———————————————
tank woke up to find a dark room, he was the first to wake up but he decided to let richtofen sleep. he was in a much different position than they had started in, he had sprawled out across the bed, both of his arms over tank and his head buried in the covers. tank questioned if he was able to breathe, but his thoughts were calmed when he heard the soft snoring coming from edwards mouth.

tank gently took the hands off of himself, pushing a pillow in place of his chest, and head out for a place in his house that edward didn't know existed yet. he swung open a double glass door hidden by curtains, and pointed a small remote at the overhang above, immediately lighting up the small balcony. hundreds of fairy lights complimented the bustling city below. the air was perfect, it smelled of nostalgia and a sweetness he knew he would be missing in a few months.

tank shut the doors behind him, sneaking a cigarette out of his back pocket and cupping his hand over the lighter as he made a few unsuccessful attempts to get a flame going.

once accomplished, the metal clank of the lighter closing was simultaneous with the first inhale. the firey tip was a nice color contrast to the white lights surrounding him.

his forearms rested against the gate of the balcony, letting himself lean forward. in all honesty, tank was beginning to pick up a little bit of a habit. first it started out as something he would do when he was nervous, and he was nervous, but he often found himself making a big deal out of little things just to have an excuse to smoke a cigarette.

it annoyed him. he knew he was stronger than that, but it made him feel good. it wasn't a high, he knew the difference, it just got rid of the thing he felt bubbling inside of him when he deprived himself of nicotine.
he hoped it wasn't disappointing, or at the very least, that edward had bought his excuse. it was going to be hard to hide from a doctor.

he kept a blue ashtray on the corner of his balcony, that he was convinced would never fall. no matter how many times he would bump it on accident or put a cigarette out with a little too much force, it never budged.

he wished he was like the ashtray. he felt unbeatable, undefeated. but when faced with a simple trigger, he was faced with something that would knock him down time and time again.

he scoffed to himself at the thought of allowing this to happen to himself. deep down he believed there was something he could have done to avoid it, or something he could be doing now to prevent the things that were making him weak.

it wore him out, being constantly aware that you need to avoid certain things and then thinking about them so hard that it sent him spiraling into something he fell victim to every time. there was no rest, or very rarely. he had felt better with richtofen around, it really gave him something to think about besides all the things he wanted to forget. he liked keeping himself occupied.

tank took a long drag of his cigarette, and a lung rattling cough forced its way out of him. his eyes watered a little bit. "if i knew it would give me that much trouble i would've rather gotten high." he mumbled and crushed his cigarette on the same navy blue ashtray. "this doesn't give me anything but relief for a few seconds."

it had been years since tank had tried anything like that, before he had war trauma. when he was just a kid fooling around in high school, he experimented a few times with friends just for fun. he never felt inclined to try again after graduation, but it had sparked his curiosity when people started talking about it helping people with PTSD, anxiety or depression. but he swore once to himself he would cut one habit before he began another potential one.

he pushed open the doors again,  clearing his throat and drank out of a conveniently placed glass of water on the table. that was the plus side of not remembering to put the ones from earlier away, which became a quirk of his.

he made his way to his room and slipped into the bed next to richtofen again, this time holding him as close as he could. he held a hand to the back of his head and another one on his back, and buried his face into the crook of edwards neck. he felt like he needed to gather every piece of him he could as he could leave any time and never be seen again. of course, this wasn't the case, but he wanted to savor every moment he could with him.

tank hoped that they would be able to put a title on their relationship soon, though he didn't mind not having one as long as he could continue what he was doing. he always moved faster than others, but never failed to make sure the other person was comfortable before doing anything. and if he felt the time wasn't right to ask, he kept it to himself. he was respectful, he just knew what he wanted.

edwards eyes slowly fluttered open and looked around the room, his senses slowly coming back. he felt tank around him, "hello there." his arms snaked themselves around tanks waist.

"just hold me for a minute." his voice was low and peaceful, and his breath stained with smoke. he spoke into edwards warm skin, substituting for a blanket in this moment. the low buzz of the air conditioner kicked on, raising goosebumps on tanks bare back.

"the sun is down?" edward noticed the dimly lit room, the sun was not shining through the thin curtains covering the windows anymore.

"mhm."

"we slept for such a long time."
edward was sad that he had slept a day of opportunities away, but he had been so tired that sleep was a necessity.

"i know, but now i can show you something."

edward felt a smile against his skin, "what is it?"

tank took a deep breath and left a gentle line of kisses from the crook of his neck to his shoulder, causing edward to cover his face so the other man wouldn't see how red it was. tank stood on his knees and held the flustered hands in his, helping edward to his feet. "come here," he started to walk towards the door, "no, wait. close your eyes actually."

"will that really be necessary?" edward rolled his eyes.

"absolutely." he snickered at his annoyance and grabbed his arms, pulling him along. he pushed edward in front of him and slowly walked him to the balcony. "go ahead and open them."

tank watched wonder infect the eyes of the lanky man, the whole city seemed to reflect off of the astonished pupils. he didn't seem to mind the faint sirens or blaring horns of angry working class men trying to make it home before their children went to sleep like most people living in new york, he breathed in every detail. every light, every sound. he forgot about everything troubling him in that moment; insecurities, plans for the future, and things he was unsure about.

tank cruised his fingers into the dark brown hair on the back of edwards head, letting him know he was by his side witnessing the same thing as he was. it had been so many years since they had seen anything at the same time; he couldn't even say he had been looking at the same sky as edward all this time, because when it was day in new york, it was night in germany. it was the little things he thought about most.

he had watched over this city many nights before. in the snow, rain, and heat. and he found himself once again following this routine; the only difference now was that he had a companion. someone to stargaze with.

"you won't find any constellations in there, but ain't it a sight to see." he exhaled, leaning over the balcony.

the german whispered something in his mother tongue, nearly unnoticeable. he sat on the floor, looking through the metal pillars of the balcony.

"oh, here eddie." tank ran inside and grabbed a blanket from the couch, and wrapped it around him. he sat behind the blanketed man and held him, resting his chin on his shoulder and sharing the view. "what were you saying in german?"

"ahh nothing. you don't need to know that yet." he leaned back into tanks sturdy body as tank gently rocked side to side. "i think this is breathtaking. i've seen sights like this maybe only one other time, and it wasn't a fun experience." he sighed, "i knew i wouldn't regret this."

"yknow, i almost bought a ticket for your flight last minute. wouldn't that have sucked." he huffed out a laugh.

"i would have figured something out. but yes, that would have ruined my plan." he opened the blanket up, "why aren't you in here too? you're cold. i feel you. you don't even have a shirt on." there was a frown of concern showing.

tank moved over and scooted inside the blanket, he was shivering a little bit. "thank god you're warm. i felt my mustache starting to freeze off."

"what mustache are you referring to??" richtofen grabbed dempseys face by his cheeks and examined him.

"uhhh, mine." he pointed to the space above his upper lip, with a squished face due to richtofens hand.

"i see nothing." he cocked an eyebrow.

"i think you might want to look closer." dempsey smirked, then realized how much he stuttered saying that.

"oh?" richtofen started to get the hint and moved in so close to dempsey that his eyes would not be able to see any alleged facial hair. his hand touched the back of tanks neck as their eyes scanned each other's, tanks eyes flickered to edwards lips and back up again. they both knew there had never been such little space between them.

tank made his move, tilting his head and letting his eyes flutter shut, his thumb brushing a hot-to-the-touch cheek.

edwards lips were smooth and inviting, while tanks were somewhat the opposite; however, edward found himself not being able to resist them.

tank pulled away from him, looking at his face with half-lidded eyes, his thumb still brushing his cheek.

edward looked down with a small, content smile, and flushed cheeks. his fingers came up to meet tanks, letting it rest on top of the loving hand. "gott..." his eyes flickered, now looking into dempseys. "i think i love you." his voice was soft, but conflicted. edward was not one to feel romantic feelings, and it had been a very long time since he had before. it was scary to be vulnerable, he had an answer for everything but he had no answer for love. he almost was mad at himself for letting this happen.

he had no scientific explanation for this phenomenon, and it bothered him. he couldn't accept that things happen just because they do sometimes. "and i know how soon that came out of me. and i don't know if it's too soon. but i do.. love you."

tank pushed his lips into the others once again, earning a shocked expression from edward. "i love you too. i don't think it's too soon, i think if you feel it you should say it. and that's what just happened." he brushed a straggling hair out of richtofens vision.

richtofen bashfully nodded in agreement.

"but really.. how's my mustache looking." he let out a breathy laugh, obvious he was overjoyed.

"you mean that peach fuzz?” he playfully said.

“i swear it’s there.” he felt the coarse hair in disbelief.

edward grabbed the fingers away from tanks face, “i know it’s there. i’m joking with you.” edward touched his own mustache, “maybe not as extraordinary as my own, but.”

“yours is pretty great.” he rolled his eyes and found himself smiling despite the flirtatious insults.

edwards gaze settled on the city below him, bringing his knees to his chest. his bare feet like icicles, he tried to cover them with the blanket.

“why don’t we go inside? i can turn on the fire for you. theres a window in there too if you want to see the lights.”

he nodded and slowly got up, holding the blanket around himself. he followed tank to the couch and sat himself down. he looked up at tank with glistening eyes.

he flicked the fire on and looked down at the man sitting on his couch, “what?”

“you’re just very pleasing to view.” he patted the couch next to him, “come here. do you want to watch south park?”

“what a stupid question. of course i want to watch south park.” tank flopped on the couch, his head landing in richtofens lap.

richtofen reached for the remote and turned the tv on, looking up the cartoon show. he turned on an episode and ran his hand through tanks hair, and realized he might have been close to his scar. he took his hand back.

tank had realized what stopped him from continuing, “you’re okay. don’t be scared. sorry i snapped at you that one time.”

richtofen smiled down at the comfortable marine as the tv flashed in the background, running his hands through the brown hair once again.

Chapter Text

Tank blinked his eyes open, squinting from the intruding light shining through the uncovered windows. He slowly came to realize the legs beneath his head had been replaced with a few thoughtfully placed pillows.

He let the urge to yawn overtake him, emitting an annoying loudness that had earned him plenty of dirty, annoyance filled glares in the past.

He discovered he had been neatly tucked in with the softest blanket he owned, and richtofens teddy bear stuffed under his arm. He smiled at the little gestures, knowing for certain he dozed off without these things.

"Ed?" He gently pushed the blanket away from him, sitting upright on his couch. He looked around the room, not seeing him anywhere.

He groaned while standing up, using the arm of the couch as a crutch to aid him in being able to stand while sleepy. A breezy draft came from two open window-disguised doors, as dempsey moved closer, a curly haired richtofen could be seen facing the city, sitting with his knees bent in front of him.

Dempsey admired him from a distance, wondering when his hair became so wavy. He stood near the doorway, noticing a sketchpad resting on the knees of a concentrated man that could not have been seen from behind.  His perfect posture had bent its way into a curved spine, hovering over the different shades of grey on the sturdy white paper. He held a pretzel between his teeth, soon after biting down on it and sending it down his esophagus.

He cleared his throat softy, making his presence known, afraid he might cause a fright. The dark haired head turned upward to discover dempsey watching him from the entrance to outside. "Good morning." He smiled, then turned his head back to his work, scratching away at the sheet with a sleek looking mechanical pencil. "You slept very well. You needed it." He shoved another pretzel past his lips.

Dempsey noticed the oversized sweatshirt richtofen was drowning in, one he left on a small coatrack by the door; he was glad that he had found it. "I hope you slept well too. I forgot to warn you that I snore, I didn't keep you up did I?" He slowly lowered himself onto the ground next to him, looking out to the buildings.

"Not at all." He used his finger to smudge some lines together, then scribbling an unreadable 'E. Richtofen' in the corner of the grey mass. There were small paragraphs in sloppy german cursive thoughtfully placed away from the main event of the page. They were detailed descriptions of the view itself.

"Wow." Dempsey took a first look over to the page, not knowing where to focus first. On the page was an intricate sketch of what lied below them, he had trouble believing it wasn't a traced photograph. Not even his brain could hold such a crisp picture of the scene, despite seeing it every night and every day. He had every window meticulously placed, every street sign angled correctly, every flower stand on the street was precise. He wondered how long edward had been sitting there drawing it. "This is unbelievable! It's beautiful." He pushed five kneading fingers into edwards neck, smiling at the picture in awe. "You're so talented."

Edward closed the book and placed it beside him, leaning sideways into tank, letting himself relax. "Thank you. I've been drawing for as long as I can remember. It's fun once you get better at it." He made a failed attempt to run his fingers through his hair, realizing quickly he would need a brush before doing that again.

"Your hair looks nice. Is this what it looks like naturally?"

"You've really only seen me with it gelled and combed back. This is what it looks like after I sleep, I wake up a mess every time." He laughed under his breath, "i do my hair before you wake up but there's no use for that today."

"Why's that?"

"It feels like a lie to be so uppity around you. That is who I am, but I'm also not like that constantly like I lead most to believe. I'm sorry."

"That's the stupidest thing you've apologized for to date." He reached around to grab the bag of pretzels and shoved one in his mouth. "But if it counts for anything, it's real cute. I like it curly." He felt richtofens nose press into his shoulder, obvious he was trying to hide rosy cheeks. "I like how that sweatshirt looks on you. You look like you're drowning in it though, downsides to me being a fatass i guess." He playfully chuckled.

Richtofen shot his eyes up, almost looking offended. "Don't put yourself down like that."

Tank poked at the slight chubbiness on his stomach jokingly, he actually didn't mind certain aspects of the way he looked; he thought it fit who he was nicely. But he did like giving himself a hard time about it, even if he didn't entirely mean it. "I'm just jokin'. But you look like five pounds of potatoes in a ten pound sack."

Richtofen couldn't hold back the air being blown out of his nose at the silly metaphor tank had used. He thought the way Americans referred to things was unusual but funny. “It’s comfortable for me.” He watched with a smile as a bird landed on the ledge in front of them, and let distinctive bird noises make their way out of his mouth. Dempsey raised his eyebrows at this.

“Bird noises too, huh? You make me look like a sad sack of shit.” He slowly stood up, “i can do this though.” He gently grabbed the bird in his hands, sitting back down to greet a happy looking richtofen. “Im not sure i remember why or how I learned to do this.” He chuckled as richtofen graced its small head with the tip of his finger.

“It’s a house starling, can I see?”

Dempsey nodded and carefully placed the bird into richtofens hands as he examined it.

“Ah, a little male starling.” He pet the wings, excited the bird was willing to stay in his palm. “The colors of his feathers are black and tan, and he has a blue beak. Females will have a pink beak.” He cautiously reached over to the pretzel bag, breaking off a small piece with one hand, and offered it to the starling.
Not to his surprise; the bird took it happily before flying off into the bright blue sky. Tank watched the smiling face follow the birds movement until it was impossible to.

Dempsey found himself swooning when richtofen had knowledge on things he would never even think to look up, he seemed to have endless talent. It amazed him. “Where did you learn that?”

“As a teenager i spent a lot of time alone, i picked up on a lot of small things most people didn’t. And i suppose it stuck with me.” He shrugged, “I’m able to identify bird species very easily, and mimic the sounds they make. I suppose this makes me a bird nerd.” He giggled to himself.

“Yeah, but my bird nerd.” He returned the small laugh, draping his arm across richtofens back.

“Yours?”

“I..” he stuttered, “i mean.. if that’s okay?” He felt a wave of awkwardness overtake him.

Richtofen took a moment to speak, leaving an uncomfortable silence between the two. He cracked a small smile, looking out on the city and then back to a flustered dempsey. “I think that would be wonderful.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to rush you into anything. I know you said you would think about it.”

“You’ve given me more than a month to think, I’m positive.” He snaked his fingers inbetween Tanks. “Though I’m not familiar with emotional intimacy. It’s hard because I haven’t had anyone spark my interest in many years. I haven’t even been hugged by anyone except you in a long time.” He slightly turned to face him.

Dempsey dragged richtofen into his lap, “you don’t gotta worry about it eddie.” He rested his face on his shoulder with a hidden smile.

“I can feel you trembling. Are you oka-“

“I’m okay. I’m just happy i think. It’s been a while.”

Richtofen turned to face him, moving the hair out of his face and to the side. He had a dorky smile across his face, “you deserve happiness and so much more.”

“And I find all of that in you.”

Chapter Text

"Hello takeo!" Richtofens joy was apparent through the small phone speaker, "im so sorry we haven't had the opportunity to call lately. Its always so difficult to find a decent time for both of us."

"It's perfectly fine. How have you been? I've not talked to you in over a month now. How's Dempsey?"

"I've been doing just fine, and Tank is doing wonderfully too. He talks about wanting to see you and Nikolai." Richtofen shut the door to lessen the chances of waking tank up. "I was going to reach out to make it happen. I just don't know how i feel about being near Nikolai again." He sat down on a small couch, hardly used.

Takeo was there when it happened, not fully grasping the concept that what happened wasn't really an accident. He remembered taking a shocked edward to an area he could rest while dempsey took care of it. "I understand. You shouldn't push yourself to, but I'm more than willing to make plans. Are you still in contact with him? Being far away must be hard."

Richtofen felt his face turn red, he felt he would give himself away if he mentioned where he really was. He was not out to any of his peers, not even longtime friends like Takeo. "About that.." he couldn't keep up the act forever, "I am staying with him for a while, in New York. It's just been too long without him." He felt the blood rush to his face, even though no one was present in the room. Just talking about staying with tank made the butterflies in his stomach flutter.

"Very nice. Do you still have a thing for him?" Takeo teased, only half jokingly. It had always been a speculation of his that Edward was suspiciously close with Tank; he always seemed to be trying to hang out with him or, on the rare occasion they weren't together, doing something he thought would make Tank proud of him.

Tank was always a little less enthusiastic, he found. He was more than happy to be around edward, yet seemed to find his constant presence an invasion of his privacy. He recalled dempsey opening up to him about having feelings for a male friend, while being in a relationships with women that lasted about two ticks each. So the idea of edward and tank staying in New York together made him curious; did edward still feel the same?

Richtofen stumbled on his words, finding his tongue ridiculously uncooperative. "Absolutely not, Takeo. And you know I have never." He lied through frustrated teeth. He knew Takeo, out of all people, would never judge him for who he loved. But he couldn't risk the 1% chance of someone rejecting him or disproving of something he could never change. Richtofen could take jokes, but he found himself defensive over ones concerning his sexuality.

Edward had never come to terms with his sexuality. There were factors in his childhood that pushed him so far into the closet that he had a permanent home there, which sometimes even now he seemed to still inhabit.

He spent his adolescence repressing who he truly was, becoming something so far from what he felt inside that it caused him to wonder who he really was. And sometimes he still felt stuck in that repressive state, so much so that he would become flustered if someone happened to notice the faint shimmer pink color on his manicured nails.

He grew up somewhere he was not accepted; when you grow up in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire.

"I see." Takeo couldn't hide his disappointment, he felt he was in the wrong, even if he was joking. The silence over the call was awkward.

Edward pushed his palm to his forehead with gently shut eyes, "I'm sorry, takeo, that was sort of aggressive." His mispronunciation of the foreigners name always went unnoticed, and takeo had yet to bring it up.

"It's alright." Deep down he understood that it was difficult to show others who you were deep down. He too had a history of internal conflict and identity issues, though maybe different from his dear friends struggles. "If you ever feel comfortable enough though, I would never dream of judging you."

Edward sighed, feeling guilty for his small outburst. Takeo had only ever showed him kindness and a willingness to listen and accept him entirely. He knew Takeo was someone he could trust. "Actually, to be honest." He took a breath, fearing the worst but reminding himself how unlikely it was, "I do have feelings for Tank. But that's confidential between you and I.” He felt blood pool in his cheeks, holding a breath behind nervous lips.

"I knew that much," Takeo playfully played it off, "but I am so proud of you for opening up about it." On his face was a small smile, realizing he was trusted enough for this information to be shared. "I plan on taking a trip to America soon. Next month. I might be able to come by."

Edwards nervousness subsided, he appreciated that Takeo did not spend long on the subject of him and Tank. "I would love to see you. I'm sure Tank would be ecstatic, but I would like to subliminally ask him if he's available, which means I need a precise date from you."

"That won't be a problem, I'll get that figured out very soon. But what about Nikolai?" He was cautious with this topic.

Edward chewed on the inside of his lip, thinking for a brief moment about the danger he could put himself in, even if the chance was small. "I know Tank would be so excited to see both of you again. I wont be asking Nikolai myself, I think he would be willing to better cooperate with you. But you must understand, this is almost a reintroduction; he doesn't completely remember."

Takeo nodded understandingly as if Richtofen could see him, "I will contact Nikolai and speak to him about this. And yes, I understand it may be different from before. That won't discourage me."

Edward could hear the smile in his voice, "message me the information when you know. I will talk to you later, but I'm hearing footsteps, so I don't want to spoil it." His words flew out quicker than usual, obvious excitement caused this. "Goodbye Takeo, I will talk to you soon!"

"Talk to you soon Edward."

Just as the end call button was pressed, a tired eyed Tank made his way through the door into the dark room. He flicked the lights on, sending edwards hand flying to shield his eyes from the sudden burst of brightness. "Why are you sitting here in the dark?" He rubbed his left eye with one hand and braced himself on the wall with the other. "I thought I heard you talking, are you okay?"

"Oh, yes. I'm alright." Edward looked down to his knees, blushing. He had spent over a month in tanks presence now, but still was not used to people checking on him.

He heard sturdy footsteps make their way over to him, suddenly a warm hand was placed under his chin, slight pressure urging him to look up. He complied bashfully, looking into the light blue eyes above him. "You are so handsome, did you know that?" A tired, rocky voice daringly spoke.

This caused Richtofens heart to race, he slowly shook his head, his chin still gently placed between Dempseys pointer finger and thumb. Tank sat behind Edward, snaking his arms around the torso in front of him. He rocked gently back and forth as edward slowly became comfortable enough to lean back onto him, then resting his own chin on his counterparts shoulder. "You really are." Tank found himself spacing out while rocking, it seemed surreal to him that they both felt the same about each other; though he considered himself more ballsy when it came to making a move. "Who were you talking to in here?" His curiosity sparked.

"It was Takeo. He misses us." His eyes flicked up to meet Tanks absent glare, he found it amusing. “On the phone.”

Tank absentmindedly traced a noticeable scar on his right cheek, which in a weird way, Richtofen appreciated. Not once had Tank asked about it, or stared it down in a conversation. He only appreciated it silently, lovingly. "I've been thinking about him and Nikolai a lot. I try to remember memories but I mix them with my dreams. Either way," his digits continued to trace the slightly different textured skin, "my Polaroids are the only thing I have for sure."

"You have me for sure."

"And I thank my lucky stars for that." His eyelids rested over top of his eyes, begging for a prolonged sleep. He felt dempseys hand lower itself to meet the other hand, both arms around his torso.

"Don't fall asleep. It's 2 pm already."

Dempsey groaned, forcing his tired eyes awake. "Alright." He scooted off of the couch, watching richtofen join him in standing up. His tense muscles briefly loosened when he stretched. "Come help me make breakfast." He said, already slugging along to the kitchen.

Richtofen took a moment to wander around the nearly empty room. The walls were bare, with small tester squares of different color paints displayed in a particular corner. His attention was drawn to a desk with drawers in another corner, and decided to make his way over to it.

There was a grainy film of dust on top, which was discovered when he dragged his pointer finger against the dingy wood surface. He opened the first drawer to find two neatly folded uniforms. One with a busy camo design, and the second was a formal black jacket matched with a white hat. Next to them resided a portrait taken of tank, once again covered in dust.

It was obvious he did not display it often. He lifted the frame in front of him, smiling bittersweetly. It seemed odd to Richtofen that there was a point in time when the name Tank Dempsey wouldn’t ring a bell.
Glancing down at the empty spot which he took the neglected photo, he noticed three smaller objects.

A piece of gold that proudly displayed the word “heroism” attached to a piece of multicolored cloth.

A purple piece of fabric, holding a purple and gold piece in which George Washington resided.

And a long piece of blue fabric, long enough to fit around one’s neck. Attached was a large upended gold star.

Richtofen reveled in disbelief. Although he never fought for America, he knew very well what laid in front of him, and he wondered why Dempsey was not prouder of the hidden trophies.

A Purple Heart, awarded for injuries due to the hands of combat.

An award of heroism, he had risked his life in the attempt or success of saving another person.

A Medal of Honor. It made Richtofen audibly gasp; receiving a Medal of Honor was the highest award one could achieve. It was only given to those who risked their lives above and beyond in combat. He was never told about any of it.

“Eddie?” A voice approached.

Richtofen quickly shoved dempseys belongings back into the little drawer, “uhhh, what?” Upset he couldn’t pry more, he stepped away from the drawer, swallowing his curiosity, and walked out of the door to greet the other.

“Kitchen’s this way. Are you alright?” He cracked a funny smile, looking at a seemingly nervous richtofen.

“I’m okay. Are you okay?” He wasn’t sure what else to say.

Dempsey gave an unsure look, “I’m fine.. let’s go to the kitchen? I already started everything.”

Richtofen gently snapped out of looking guilty, obliging to follow dempsey and excited to see what he had started making. Richtofen was not at all picky when it came to American food, though he found it incredibly fatty and disapproved of how processed it all usually was. It was a rare treat for him to have, he figured it wouldn’t hurt him in the long run. “Yes, let’s go.”

“I don’t know what you usually eat for breakfast, I’d offer you pop tarts but I don’t have any. Omelette okay?” He glanced at richtofen as he approached his stove.

It had been so long since richtofen had an omelette, or at least one from the states. They had Omelettes in Germany but they were so different from what was served in this country. He actually often found himself craving it, “that is more than okay.” His stomach silently rumbled at the thought, sending a small vibration throughout his body. Hunger always made him uncomfortable, he had never liked the feeling; it made him irritable.

Tank silently nodded as he turned to start working on his partners meal, taking small bites of bacon he had already made for himself as he went along.

Edward watched in awe and fascination as he watched him create something that he himself would burn so easily. He recalled the only time he tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for himself, then before he knew it, was fanning smoke out of the doors and windows before the ceiling alarms started blaring their impossibly loud noises. It looked like a grey cloud had fit its way into his kitchen. He excelled at many things, but kitchen involved activities were never one of them.

Tank set a plate down in front of Edward, ruffling the front of his hair to help him snap out of his daydream. “Order up.” He set his own plate down across the table, rubbing a spot on his hand.

Richtofen picked up food on his fork, inhaling the comfort it emitted. He brought it up to his lips, then catching dempsey in the act. He set it on his plate and grabbed the hand resting on the opposite side of the table. He noticed the redness and slight swelling on the outside of his hand. “What did you burn yourself with?” He grabbed the cold water bottle he had next to his food and pressed it gently to the site, “here, keep it on there until i can get something better.”

“It was the pan. I’m alright, it’s just a burn doc.” He couldn’t deny the relief of the cold on his irritated skin. “I’ve seen worse, ain’t nothin’ i can’t take.” He smiled with his eyes, “thanks. But if you don’t eat that-“

“No, I’m eating it.” He sat back down in his chair, resuming his previous actions, but going further this time. He shoved the fork into his mouth, and again, and again. There was hardly any room for him to breathe.

“Take it easy, I wasn’t really gonna eat it.” He watched him eat like he hadn’t seen food in weeks. Within a matter of minutes, the entire thing was gone.

“Oh gott, that was so good. You’ve outdone yourself.” It had been years since he experienced the swirl of flavors, and he couldn’t remember it being as good as it was now. He considered the fact that it was because Tank made it, which he soon agreed with. Out of all the years he had known him, there were so many things he had no clue about.

The smile on his face issued a warmth that was new to both of them, Tank couldn’t remember a time when he cooked for anyone but himself. Sharing small things like this with Edward made him feel special, like he belonged and was appreciated. “I’m glad you liked it. I haven’t made anyone anything before, you’re the first.”

“Well, I’m hoping this won’t be the last time?”

“Course not. You’re here for a while, aren’t you?”

“Yes, a few months if that’s okay.”

“That’s fine with me. What about work? Don’t you have more important people to be around?” He teased.

“No one could be more important than you.” The slight flirting made Tank attempt to hide a smirk, “I’m head surgeon at my hospital, but it is okay for me to take as much time away as I need, so long as I’m able to join video calls every so often.”

“How do you.. do surgery over a video call?”

“Oh no, it’s nothing like that. My colleagues may request my advice for a difficult surgery that’s scheduled. It’s not often they need me but it’s helpful to have directions from someone who practically has road maps of every surgery in existence burned into his brain.”

“Oh. Okay. That makes better sense.” He felt the embarrassment from his previous comment infect him, being around someone so smart made him feel incredibly dumb. He was hoping Edward didn’t think that way about him. “I think it’s cool they’re flexible with you.”

“I too think that, it’s generous of them. I do have to ask though, do you have a computer here? A laptop or desktop?”

“Yeah, I have a Laptop. You can use it whenever you need, it doesn’t have a password or any weird security shit. It’s probably more convenient for you to call them on a bigger screen right?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Tank fumbled in his pockets, grabbing a half empty cigarette box and pulling one out. “I’m gonna go to the balcony if you want to come out with me.”

Richtofen nodded, silently disapproving of Tank’s choices, but he didn’t believe he was in the position to fix the bad habit. After all, he was staying in his home. He leaned on the gate while Tank lit the small, tube shape packed with health problems. “I wanted to ask,” he watched as Tank exhaled a cloud of molten stench, “are we going to be here all of next month? We aren’t going anywhere of importance are we?”

“No, unless you’ve planned something. Why?” He took another puff.

“Oh, I guess there wasn’t really a reason behind that question.” He lied, nonchalantly. “Sometimes I just think it’s better to know what’s planned ahead of time.”

“I don’t really go anywhere significant,” he let out a small cough, “I tool around in New York and that’s about it. First time I’ve been out of state in years was to go to Sammy’s house.”

“Tomorrow we should get up early and you can show me around town.”

“Early for me is noon, but I’ve been looking forward to showing you around. We can go tomorrow.”

“Expect about 9.” Richtofens smirk challenged Dempseys.

“It’s settled then.”

Chapter Text

Harsh light and gentle taps to his resting body provoked his eyelashes to flutter open, his ice blue pupils scanned the room, glancing at Richtofen beside him before closing his eyes with a frustrated scowl. He tugged the coarse blanket over his shoulder, turning on his side abruptly and burying his face into the misplaced pillow beside him.

The taller man leaned over the bed, gently working the blanket from out of the marine's hand. A discontented grunt made its way out of pursed lips, as an attempt was made to pull the source of warmth back to his body. He wrapped his arms around himself, bringing his knees to his chest. "It's cold." His voice was distant and tired.

A quiet, singsong voice said, "I know, let's get you up and I'll grab you a sweater and some tea."

"The sun ain't even up yet, ed. you said 9 am." He lethargically rolled onto his other side, now facing Richtofen. He felt long, thin fingers run through his auburn hair.

"I couldn't wait. It's coming up though," He motioned towards the open curtain across the room, "see?"

Dempsey was overtaken by a yawn, talking through it, "yeah, alright." He stole the blanket back from Richtofen, sitting upright before draping it around himself. He watched Edward walk to the closet, pulling down an army green sweatshirt. "That thing hasn't seen the light of day in forever."

"Seems so." He patted a thin layer of dust off of the piece of clothing, handing it to a topless Tank. "Here, I like this color on you."

He chuckled to himself, studying the sweatshirt in his hands. "It's a nice color. I think the last time I wore this was a few years ago." He slipped it over his head and pushed his arms through the sleeves, feeling warmer immediately. "Why don't we go out to breakfast or something? And then we can figure out what to do with the rest of our day. I said I would show you around town. Call it a date?"

Richtofen shift his weight between each leg, holding his hands behind his back. "A date?" He chewed on the inside of his bottom lip nervously.

"If you're not ready to call it that it's more than okay. We can take it slow." Dempsey stood up, brushing off the sleeves of his sweatshirt, ridding the small particles of dust from the dark olive-green pullover.

"Oh! No, no. I just.." he fumbled with his fingers out of sight, "it's been a long time since I've been- invited on a date." A crimson color dusted his cheeks, leaving him embarrassed over his unexpected stuttering and hesitations. Richtofen hadn't been with anyone for years, he hadn't been embraced in what felt like forever and rarely was he invited out with friends. He was mostly a lone wolf, however, against his will. He found it odd to be loved, and frustrating to not have an explanation as to why the feeling was mutual. Not having a reason frightened him.

Not once had his 'friends' invited him out, not once had his colleagues made any effort to see him outside of work. The only person that regularly kept in contact with him was Takeo. He often wondered how long it would take for someone to find him if he were to pass away.

Would his neighbors complain about the stench leaking from the windows and doors? Would his workplace leave angry messages, only never to be opened?

At some point he figured that's all he was. A neighbor, a colleague, another number in the work world. He didn't directly mean anything to anyone. He was the friendly man next door who loaned sugar out to whoever needed it, nothing more.

It was odd to be considered something more than that. To have someone take the time and get to know him, to feel at home in someone's presence. Of course, he had been wanting this for a long time. Since the undead still roamed the earth.
And now he had it.

Dempseys voice interrupted a man deep in thought, "well, if you don't want to use that title-"

"Yes. It's fine. I mean- I.." his own hands involuntary grabbed his face, feeling hot to the touch. He hid behind them, as if he could camouflage into the scenery behind him. "Sorry."

"Hey," Dempsey stepped closer to Richtofen, gently taking soft hands into his own, "it's a date." A kiss was planted boldly onto trembling, flustered lips.

"Okay.. that it is." He avoided Dempsey's eye contact until he collected himself, Dempsey just making sure he was okay.

"Come on, go get dressed and we'll head out. Some of my clothes are in the dryer, I'm just gonna put on better pants and then boots. And then brush my teeth and all that shit."

"Am I dressing up?" He made his way to the drawer in which his clothes were neatly folded, sorted in only a way Richtofen would understand.

"Nah, just dress comfortably. S'what I'm doing." He nodded his head to signal his departure to another room.

Richtofen spaced out for a few minutes, silently deciding what he should be wearing for an occasion like this. He felt he was overthinking it, and if he were to outwardly express his thought process, it was inevitable that someone would agree.

After what seemed like years pondering the simplest choice, he unfolded dark blue jeans; they felt softer than denim, although the same material. Some textures were just not for him, and would bug him constantly if he wore certain ones for too long. He felt that way about his work uniform, but was unable to wear anything other than that despite his pleas. He found it distracting, however, he found ways to work around it.

Such as putting a shirt he felt comfortable with under his uniform, no one could ever tell the difference. It made his frame appear a little bulkier, which would be noticeable if he wasn't so slender. He wasn't exactly under weight, though his ribs protruded through his skin. He had raised worry before, as a young child throughout his adulthood. Anyone who saw him without a shirt would display pity on their faces, but he understood that his weight just stretched out due to his height.
He didn't get this reaction much anymore, though. It had been years since anyone had seen him without a shirt, as the aged trauma scarring his skin made him feel ashamed. He didn't feel like explaining what he had done to himself, or what others had done to him.

He once again found himself putting two shirts on, but not for comfort. He just felt it looked nice. A blue and white checkered sweater vest and a white button up underneath it, he always color coordinated in some certain way. It went unnoticed to others, but to him it made all the difference.

"Dempsey?" He poked his head around the corner to find him brushing his teeth.

"Hm?" He mumbled through a mouth full of toothpaste, not taking his attention off of the task he was carrying out.

"I forgot where I put my shoes, would you know where they are?"

Dempsey spat into the sink with foam around his lips and looked up at the head poking into the door, "which ones?"

"They're dark blue new balances, I don't remember taking them out of my suitcase either."

"Check by the couch. You took them off the first night you were here."

"Thank you." He scurried to the couch where his shoes resided, slipping them over long white socks that succeeded at keeping his feet warm. Soon after that, he made his way to the same bathroom and combed his hair while Tank washed his face.

Combing his hair frustrated him, working through tiny knots and curls he never wanted. He didn't care to pick them apart, he just pulled until the comb took out hair with each stroke. He winced from the pain but never had the patience to work with it. It was the much less graceful side of him, one that not many knew of.

"Hey hey, careful." Tank watched what was happening with soap in his burning eyes, he snatched the comb from Edwards hand while he put pressure onto his eyes with a towel, wiping the rest of his face down. "Here." He gently parted Edwards hair in its usual spot and gently combed the stragglers into the spots they should be. "You shouldn't do that, be gentle with yourself Doc." There was a soft sternness radiating through his voice.

Edward stood there dumbfounded, wondering what had just happened. He watched with wide eyes as Tank rubbed hair-gel between his hands and applied it to his curls, flattening them just like he always did.

"Is that better?" He rubbed the rest of the gel between his fingers onto the back of richtofens head, looking over his shoulder.

"I.. ja." He stuttered, regressing to his mother tongue. "Yes, thank you Tank." He was quiet, feeling loved but so embarrassed that he had to witness it. "Thank you." He looked at himself in the mirror, tank behind him. He blushed as a kiss was planted on his cheek. "I'm ready to go, I brushed my teeth and everything before you woke up. If you're ready."

"I'm ready too." He looked at Edwards outfit, realizing he had forgotten to pay attention. "You didn't have to get all fancy for me."

"Fancy?" Edward turned and leaned against the porcelain counter, looking slightly down at tank. "This is normal to me."

"No, normal is like a sweatshirt and pajama pants eddie." He couldn't help but smile, "you look very nice though."

——————————————-—-

"A motorcycle?" Richtofens head spun with anxiety, he had seen so many fatalities and life altering injuries originating from motorcycle accidents. It wasn't that he didn't trust tank, he didn't trust others on the road or the bike itself. "I'm sorry. I-" he felt the sudden outburst hurt the feelings of the man proudly displaying his red and black bike. "That was rude of me. It's a gorgeous bike." His shaky hand reached out to grace the polished steel.

Dempsey felt he should have warned Edward about this, he felt guilty. "I have a car too. This is just the preferred choice. We don't have to take the bike ed, it's probably scary to someone who im going to assume has never been on one." He tried to express that he wasn't hurt by Edwards concern, and was quite understanding. He remembered the first time he rode and how scared he was, and how uneasy he felt knowing that anything could go wrong.

Edward furrowed his eyebrows in thought, "No.. Do you have an extra helmet?"

"Fuck yeah. Catch." Tank tossed a heavy helmet to Edward, surprised when he flinched at the movement.

Upon catching the helmet, he put it on over his head immediately. The eye shield was unexpectedly flipped up by dempsey, who simply took Edward into his embrace. He didn't know whether it was a reaction or a trauma response, but had good enough judgment to know not to ask until he was ready to speak. Edward held him back, hiding a smile and comfort behind a hard helmet.

"Alright Ed," he backed up and swung his leg around the motorcycle, "get on the back. I'll tell you what to do next."

"Put on a helmet Tank." His muffled voice held a sternness, and his eyes full of horror stories about traumatic incidents that had occurred due to avoiding the simple task of putting a helmet on.

"You're right," he hopped off the bike and grabbed the spare helmet, then swinging his leg back over, "alright, come on."

Edward hesitated to move, everything he had seen over the past years made him fearful to do so many things. Dempsey looked over his shoulder, reaching his hand out. Richtofen took his hand and slowly made his way onto it. His voice was uneasy, "okay.. what now?"

"Hey, you got no reason to worry. I've never gotten hurt riding this before and I really don't intend to this time. You'll be okay, I'll take it easy." He reassured richtofen as he used his foot to tap the kickstand up into the right position. He started the engine and moved the shield on his helmet down, fully covering his face. "Do the same with your helmet, it'll be dark but when we get outside it's just like wearing shades. And hold on tight to me, just your arms around my waist will do. You'll be nice and secure that way."

Richtofen snaked his arms around him tight, feeling Tanks breathing switch to manual. "Oops, I'm sorry." He loosened his grip, hearing a chuckle from in front of him.

"S'alright. Ready?" Dempsey revved the bike.

"Im ready." Richtofen locked his fingers together in front of dempseys stomach, squeezing the seat of the motorcycle between his knees.

"Here we go Eddie. If you want me to pull over just tap me a few times cause I ain't gonna hear ya. The engine plus my broken ass ear doesnt make a great combo when it comes to communication. There's a café around here I like, it's like ten minutes away." Dempsey was sure to start slowly, making his way out into the light. He felt richtofens grip tighten as soon as they started to move. He was silent other than a few unsure noises. "I'm gonna speed up, no need to worry, I've got you." He offered a few words of reassurance before the sound of the revving engine took over any sounds out of their mouths.

Soon enough, they had ridden a few blocks away from where they had started. He knew all the backroads and how to get places quicker, which he realized now came in handy more than ever. By getting there quicker and avoiding traffic, he figured he was helping. He would get there much faster than he would any other way. He rolled to a red light, although there was no one in sight. The engine wasn't nearly as overwhelming as it was when they were moving.

"Y'doin alright?" Dempsey put his hand on the buckled fingers digging into his stomach, holding the handlebars with the other.

"Yes I'm okay, this is quite fun actually."

"You can ease up a little bit. You'll find that it's pretty easy to stay glued to this thing but you should definitely still hold onto me."

Richtofen didn't loosen his grip much at all, but began to relax a little bit. He rested his chest against Tanks back, leaning into him. He didn't realize it before, but he had been leaning backwards, which he knew was stupid on his part. Tank patted the slightly more relaxed hands, revving the engine again before taking off when the light turned green.

This time, Richtofen hid joy behind his helmet. He believed it was adrenaline, which came to him easily due to his not so daring life choices. It was times like these he was grateful he stuck around for.

————————————————

Dempsey skidded to a stop in front of the small café, obviously family owned. Tank was convinced that he kept the place in business, they were hardly ever busy. He took off his helmet and tucked it between his bicep and torso, turning off the ignition. He used his foot to kick the kickstand down before helping richtofen off, finding he had already removed his helmet. He patted Edwards hair down, slightly upset that the gel didn't hold in some places; but his hair didn't look bad at all. He noticed the half smile and gleamy eyes, "what?"

He pursed his lips before blowing air out of his nose, not wanting to admit he was wrong. "Well, you didn't kill me, that's a start."

"Told you it would be fun. You wanna drive on the way back?" Tank joked.

"Oh, goodness no. I don't drive." He glanced at the bike, "there is no sum of money that could bribe me into even beginning to understand how to work that thing."

"Maybe someday." He took Richtofens helmet from him, letting it dangle from his middle finger while having an impossible grip on it. Wrapping his pinky around Edwards, he led the way into the restaurant.

A friendly, older man's eyes brightened hearing the small bell above the door chime. He must have been in his mid seventies, and had owned the small corner cafe for decades. He remembered every face, and considered each one a friend rather than a customer. His salt and pepper hair was slicked neatly back, with no sign of balding. Good genes. A greying 12 o clock shadow made its home on his face.
"Hey Tank!" Crows feet formed by his eyes, they had seen each other so often that they had formed a bond.

"Sonny! Long time no see." Tank nudged edward lightly and pointed to the nearest booth, while he greeted his friend. He felt it would be less awkward for him. "Sorry I haven't stopped by in a while. I made a trip to Washington." He embraced his old friend, always immediately feeling comforted. He viewed him as a father figure in some ways.

"Washington? Whatever for?" He looked up, swearing that Tank had grew a foot since the last time they had met, he took into consideration that he may have shrunk.

"I had plans with a friend of mine that I hadn't heard from in many years. Also him," he pointed back at Edward, who was curiously looking at the items displayed on the walls, "unexpectedly."

"Who's that? I haven't seen him around here before. I would've remembered him." Not being able to put a finger on who he was frustrated him, he swore he knew everyone in the area."

"Oh he's not from here, you wouldn't know him. His name-"

"Edward. From Germany." Richtofen waved a friendly hello from the booth, displaying a content smile on his face. "Nice to meet you, I'm assuming this won't be the only time we see each other."

"From Germany, huh?" He smiled, he couldn't think of anyone who has traveled that far and ate at his place. "It's nice to meet you too. What's the occasion?"

"I'm just visiting." His pupils flicked towards Tank, receiving a nod from sonny.

"Well, it's nice to see you with another person besides yourself, Tank." He said genuinely, it made him sad to see a great man like Tank walk into breakfast alone so often, only seeming to come out of his cloud of sadness when Sonny sat with him to eat. To see him with someone new made his heart happy. "Who is he to you? I don't think you've mentioned any Edward from Germany."

Edward blushed behind soft hands as tank chimed in, "actually.. he's my boyfriend."

"That's great!" Sonny placed a few hearty pats on tanks shoulder, with a big smile on his aged face. "I'm so glad to hear you found somebody," he glanced over to edward, "and I'm so glad it's you. You seem very nice, a good fit for him."

Tank felt his knees grow weak at the older man's approval, overwhelmed with joy that he accepted him. It was one of the things he never brought up. "Thanks, sonny."

"Anything you want, it's on the house. Tank, your regular? What's for you?"

"Ah.. omelette?" He said nervously, not wanting to admit he couldn't remember the English word for the meal he had the morning prior.

"You got it." Sonny headed back into the kitchen, still visible by both men.

"He's on a bit of an omelette craze lately. And yeah, thanks. That'll be good." Tank made his way to the booth and sat down on the opposite seat, facing him. "I hope you were okay with that." He took the hand resting on the table into his own, brushing over its knuckles with his thumb. "Sonny doesn't have anyone else to tell."

"No, i don't have a problem with it. It's just nice to hear myself be introduced that way." His eyes gleamed, it was obvious he felt like he was important.

"Get used to it." He smirked.

————————————————

"What is there to do here?"

"It depends on what you like to do." He waved goodbye to sonny as he started up his bike. "There's a few museums, art exhibits. I've never been in any of those. There's statues, we have a zoo. And a lake." He chuckled, "sorry Ed, I live in the least interesting part of New York. We can do anything here or anything in the next towns over."

"I don't mind, what's your favorite thing to do?"

"Honestly, i just ride around until I find something interesting. Downtown has some pretty cool shops, they don't sell anything in particular, they're pretty cool." He thought for a moment, "if you want to take a little trip, they have caverns a few towns over. Like tours of them and shit."

"That might be nice.. how far is it?" He still felt uncertain about riding on the motorcycle.

"if there's no traffic it's about 30 minutes away. And there's shops all over that town, we can do whatever afterwards."

"That sounds nice, we might as well do that."

"Alrighty then," he scooted forward on the bike, "hop on."

Edward pushed the helmet over his head, wriggling around to make sure it wasn't going anywhere. He once again held on to tank, perhaps too tightly. "Don't kill me."

"You wanna drive then?"

"No." He said with a panic, stabilizing himself on the bike a little more. "Awful idea. One of your worst yet."

"Most of my ideas are. Hold on tight okay?" He waited for a nod, as he felt edward lean against him again. He slowly took off, knowing the way to the town by heart.

———————————————

"I've only been in caves a few times before." richtofen recalled, mumbling to Dempsey, who was looking past the tour guide into a dimly lit tunnel that seemed to go on forever. You couldn't see the end of it.

"I've never been in one like this before. Not that I see caves often." He quieted down, quickly becoming aware that he was being loud. "This is more of a cavern."

The lovely tour guide with wavy red hair started to explain to the small group of people what the process would be, then led them into a decent sized elevator, which would descend into the earth.

Dempsey squeezed Edwards hand tightly, attempting to suppress the anxiety that rose inside him due to the loud noises the elevator produced. The small bangs of the steel cables did not resemble gunshots, but reminded dempsey of them anyways. Richtofen looked at shut eyes, pulling him close in a reminder that he was safe. He felt an immediate ease in the previously tense muscles.

As the janky door opened, they stepped out to see a colorfully lit cavern, reflected off of a small river. In the river were small boats, but enough to fit the group. The guide helped those who needed it into empty spots on the wooden benches.
They took the last two spots on the back of the boat, sitting alone. The voice of the lady was drowned out by their own quiet conversation.

"Ain't never seen colors look so vibrant." He looked at the mesmerized man sitting next to him, with a sunset of colors reflecting off of his eyes.

“Me either.” He turned his head to smile, leaning into Dempsey as the boat slowly made its way down the cavern.

————————————————-

The colorful lights turned into yellowish lights, which weren’t as pretty but did the job. They were led out of the boat to a long brick path, railed off on one side all the way down. It blocked off a dangerous drop, which was explained to them.

Children stood behind their parents with nervous eyes, while couples peered over the edge in curiosity. Both Edward and Tank did the same, staying a little behind the group as they moved forward.

Dempsey hawked spit down the giant hole in the earth, listening closely to see how deep it went. He earned a disgusted look from Richtofen, urging them to move on while he spat again, less successfully this time. He was dragged along to the rushing group, Edwards face in a permanent funk over what he had witnessed a few moments ago.

The colorful lights once again illuminated the rocky halls underground, as the history was explained to the small audience. Richtofen turned to see a pocket knife digging into the limestone walls, etching a simple ‘T+E’, which would surely remain for years to come. He smiled at the gesture, hoping the letters on the wall would last as long as they would.
Forever.

Chapter Text

Silver bullets fired from the gun, a familiar finger on the trigger. With each deafening bang, a splatter of blood was exposed from beneath already scarred skin.

He did not have enough hands to cover the gushing wounds, both entry and exit. In that moment, the ability to breathe was taken from him. His 20/20 vision was now blurry, and the ringing in his ears seemed as if it would be permanent; a constant burden.

His calloused hands were smeared with blood, staining the skin as this incident had stained his life. In a panic, he attempted to wipe them off on his shirt, finding more blood. It was impossible to find a piece of him suitable to clean his hands off on, he was soaked in blood; his own and others.

Even in this headspace, he was able to remember that this was not the first time this had happened. However, this was the first time Richtofen did not have an explanation as to why.

Previously, they were surrounded by the undead. He figured the other man had not been so careful with his gun, misaiming and missing the zombies that were sneaking up on an already preoccupied Richtofen.

This time, he was invited out for a walk, which admittedly he did think was odd. The two men never saw eye to eye, and never made attempts to get closer to each other than they had to be. It was only until they were far from camp that things started going downhill; anxiety provoking questions were spat out at the German, and eventually a loaded gun was pointed at him, he knew he shouldn't have been so stupid as to not bring anything to protect himself with. He had not known what he had done wrong, though the rage filled bullets fired into his body regardless. He couldn’t put up a fight.

He felt betrayed, though there was little trust to begin with. He felt cold shoes kick into the back of his knees, forcing his shaking body onto the dirt floor. He swore he made eye contact with a smaller, insignificant creature who was simply making its way through the forest. For a moment, he believed it felt pity. He wanted it to feel pity, for something to take into consideration the pain coursing through his body.

He had never done anything to bother the Russian, to displease him. And now he lay face down in the dirt, as he bled out onto the floor. He lost sight of Nikolai, though he knew he still was not safe.

Oh, how he wanted to yell for help. For someone to care for his wounds as he had done for others so many times before. But he found himself unable to make a noise, not because he felt unsafe, but physically unable.

There were attempts, though they sounded more like disgruntled yelps. He thrashed his body in any way that would make noise, hurting himself further.

He felt large, gentle hands on his shoulders matched with a warm voice.

"Eddie? Wake up."

The voice was panicked, but careful.

Another grunt forced its way out of his own throat, sending concern into the heart and mind of the other. He watched the tears flow out of unopened eyes, obviously helpless and covered in a cold sweat.

"Hey." His voice was louder, more serious, tapping the side of Richtofens face. He watched as panicked eyes snapped open, immediately he was wrestled away by the German man's forgotten strength. There was a certain glint in his lovers eyes that took him aback, finding himself pinned down to the mattress. His lips were in a snarl.

"The fuck?" He used skills he never lost to work his way out of the hateful grip. Whipping around, he restrained him gently, encasing alarmed arms in his own. "Breathe. You're okay." He took long, deep breaths in hopes they would be matched.

"But.." Richtofen choked on a sob, looking around the room in confusion. "It hurts."

Dempsey slowly rocked himself and his other, "What hurts? Show me where." He loosened his grip, subliminally letting it be known that his arms were free to move.

Richtofens hands brushed over his shirt, expecting blood to rub off onto his hands. He was shocked when he came to realize that that the only liquid his body was leaking were salt filled tears, still falling from his eyes. "I thought.." a distant stare interrupted his attempt to make conversation. Absentmindedly, his hand travelled up his own shirt, picking at the healed scars. His breathing became shaky while touching the raised bumps.

"You can cry if you need to, it's alright. I ain't gonna think badly of you." He backed away when Richtofen turned to face him, unsure of whether or not he would try anything. Instead, he was faced with a collapsing weight that pushed it's way into his chest, immediately feeling a wetness soak his shirt. A combination of tears and snot, as sobs fell out of his mouth. Broken foreign sentences were loudly exclaimed into his shirt, which he now had tightly in his grip, begging to be pulled close.

Tank swept Edwards legs around, holding his head sideways against his chest. He cradled him like a wounded child, and that he was. A caring kiss was placed onto his clammy forehead, which richtofen met with a glazed over stare, as to say he was sorry. "Don't you worry bout it. Take your time, I ain't judging."

Richtofen seemed to be unable to get a word out, his breaths were tumultuous. Tank used the dry parts of his shirt to tidy up Edwards face, knowing there wasn't a towel or tissue within reach.

"Why don't we get some fresh air? No one's going to be awake right now. We can go for a walk around the block." He ran a hand through his own hair, "you can nod or shake your head. I know it's hard."

Edward slowly backed off of Tank, wiping his nose free of dripping snot. His tired eyes let more drops fall with each blink. To Tanks surprise, he nodded, rising to his shaky feet.

"Slow down, soldier. Let me get you some water and a jacket." He aided Edward into sitting back down on the edge of the bed. He rushed into the kitchen, grabbing a plastic bottle of cold water from his fridge, bringing it back to Edward. He twisted the cap off and handed it to him in a slow movement, recognizing that it was his quick movements that set off an alarm within Edwards mind.

He looked through the jackets in the dark, picking one out purely by texture. New York could be cold at night, and he wanted Edward to be warm as he could be. He set the jacket aside as he slipped the soggy shirt over his head and threw it into the corner, then taking the time to stretch his arms above his head, relaxing tense muscles. He saw wet eyes flick up in his peripheral vision, "curious eyes you got there."

"I was reading your tattoos."

"In the dark?" He threw another shirt on, handing Edward his jacket. "No need to lie." He chuckled softly, wiping the drying tears off of toned cheeks. Edward pouted slightly, taking the hand offered to him which helped him into his feet again. "Gonna grab my knife."

"What?" Richtofen blinked, halfway snapping out of the trance he had been in since he woke up. He was slightly less distant now.

"Oh, let me rephrase that. New York can be sort of unpredictable, nothings ever happened to me personally but I'd like to stay protected anyways." After grabbing the knife from the drawer his pistol was sitting in, he urged Edward to follow him throughout the apartment, out the front door. "I hope that didn't startle you, I could understand why it sounded weird."

Richtofen slipped a warm, thoughtfully chosen jacket over his arms, gently hooking pinky fingers with his lover. He still didn't feel like he was fully there, almost like he was still dreaming, but Tank escorting himself down a flight of stairs was proof enough that this was reality. He knew he wouldn't be kind enough to himself to grant himself this happiness in his dreams.

Tank lit a cigarette, hoping the nicotine would wake him up, as if the panicked situation hadn't done it already. He was just looking for an excuse to inhale burning relief. He took a long puff, blowing smoke through the corner of his mouth away from Edward.

Edward shook his head, keeping his head looking down. It wasn't in response to Tank, it was more so because he had embarrassed himself. He never wanted to expose himself like that in front of a person he admired, it was humiliating to let them see you at the weakest you could be. He didn't want Tank to know he could cry like that. What a prison it was to be aware of the scene you were causing, but not physically being able to stop yourself.

Dempsey took another puff, squeezing Richtofens hand in his own. "You doing okay? I don't think you were all there for a couple'a seconds." The smoke blew from his nose, irritating his eyes.

"I'm.. better." He hesitated to continue, "it happens sometimes. I'm sorry, I know I lost it. I thought you were someone else.”

"You don't need to be, you did nothing wrong." He looked around the brick corner, making sure there was no one who would confront them. "Do you want to talk about it? You got real angry, yknow.. Whoever you were dreaming of deserved it, I'm sure." He noticed his lightheartedness was not helping his mood for the better. He sighed softly. "You're not hurt are you? You said something hurt."

Richtofen hugged himself, draping his own arm over his other. "No. I haven't experienced physical pain for years with these wounds."

"But there was physical pain? From what?"

"Tank." His voice was stern and grumpy, the sudden toughness shut dempsey up, he had stopped prying. "I'm sorry." The normal gentleness returned.

"I didn't mean to pry. Whenever you're ready, or never at all." He patted him on the back lightly.

"I think you should know anyways.. it's more for you than it's for me."

"If you feel comfortable with it, I'd love to know more. It would let me help you better."

They continued walking, "I'm sorry in advance for what I'm going to tell you, because I know this isn't someone you want to think badly of."

Dempsey glanced over to the blank face beside him, his eyes remained coldly on what lay ahead of them. "Alright."

"I'm not sure how much you remember. They are probably faint ideas. If I were to give you a rundown of a big situation you were there for, would you be able to remember at all?"

"I might be able to, faintly. I have a lot of memories that just kinda don't match up to anything."

"Do you remember picking someone off of the floor and taking them by a campfire? They had a few pretty bad wounds."

"Oh, vaguely. I can't remember faces though."

"No worries, I think you know enough for me to explain this the right way. This happened a long time ago, but you had found me face down in the dirt bleeding out. You brought me back to the campfire and fixed me up the very best you could."

Dempsey furrowed his brows, speaking softly, "why were you bleeding out?" He took a moment to take his eyes off the sidewalk and look at Edward as they walked. He noticed a sudden tenseness, watching him hold a breath in his chest. "You alright?" The cigarette was placed to his mouth again, blowing smoke out at the same time Edward nodded slightly.

"I'm fine. I just don't know how to explain this." He had his hair in a chokehold, in some attempt to release stress, to feel something else, to distract himself from talking about this again. He wasn't sure. He was interrupted when his hands were taken into bigger hands, they stopped walking.

"You wanna sit down for a minute? There's a bench a few steps back."

"Ja bitte." He nodded as Tank led the way, making sure that Edward got to sit down first. The air chilled him to the bone, but it was a nice balance between the warm winter jacket. He cleared his throat, still holding the encouraging hand. "There's no easy way to say this, I suppose." Though he tried to find a way, "I was deliberately shot. More than once. None of them ever hit vital organs but I do have a few issues. Starting with tinnitus, my ears hardly ever stop ringing. One shot was closer than the others. I also have PTSD, which is what you just saw; however I have PTSD due to other situations as well, but this might be for another time."

Dempsey listened to the painful lament with sad eyes, knowing nothing could be done to fix it now. He knew all to well how badly PTSD had infected his once nearly pain free life. He had lost it all, including the person he was before the bombs fell. "I'm sorry.. and I saved you?"

"Oh, many times. Not all were gunshot related."

"Who would do that to you?!" His voice became a growl, but his hand never left Edwards. "Im sorry, Ed. I'm so glad you're here. I wish I could do more than sit here and walk you around the block, I know from experience that it's disappointing."

Edward squeezed the caring man's hand, in response to what he had said. "This is the difficult part, because it's someone we know. I'll give you the chance to figure it out if you'd rather do that."

"It was Nikolai wasn't it?" His voice rested in his throat, he seemed to become calm, wanting to hold his anger away from his already upset partner. Despondence took Richtofen over, his auto pilot now turned on. Dempsey took a deep breath, sighing the air out of his lungs. "I figured something had gone wrong with him.. the way you talk about him, on the rare occasion you do."

Richtofen pushed his head into Dempsey's shoulder, shielding his face from being seen. A quivering lip could be felt against the fabric. Tank flicked his cigarette on the floor in front of him and crushed it, quickly taking Edward into his embrace. Fingers ran their course through soft hair, resting his chin on the top of Edwards head, placing a small kiss every few seconds as he felt the jolting breaths of someone containing tears.

"Shit, Ed. I'm sorry." The tone of voice he withheld did not match the anger burning inside of him. Hearing this news set more into perspective, but he felt like he had just lost a friend, no matter how fabricated his mind had made it. "Try to match my breaths, okay? Cry if you need to. I understand."

"I just," he choked on his own spit, "don't understand what I did wrong. Surely there was anger behind this, directed at me, but why?" Dripping eyes looked up at the face above him. "Why?"

"I'm sorry.. I don't know why. There's no excuse for that even if he did have a reason." Dempsey looked up at the smoggy sky, still keeping his hand snug on the back of Richtofens head. "Where's that constellation again?" He tried his luck at throwing something random out, he knew constellations brought out the joy in Edward. The question was met with a shrug and a sniffle. "You're okay now. I ain't gonna let any more crazy Russians near ya." He heard Edward laugh through his nose.

"Thank you." The words were spoken softly, but had meaning behind them. It was painful having to retell the story, but he knew that it was important he let Tank know what happened. He felt like he could trust Tank with anything, though trust was hard to come by for Edward.

"No problem. Did you want to go back inside? You seem calmer now. We can watch something or go back to bed. We're about two minutes away from my place."

"Could we stay here for a while?"

"Yes. The air feels nice doesn't it?"

"I like it. I feel too warm inside, I don't know if that makes sense." Edwards eyes flicked to the destroyed cigarette on the ground, "do you have more?"

"What?" Tank patted his pocket, answering his own question. "Yeah. Why?"

Edward had found it funny how often Americans seemed to answer their own questions, it was a silly pattern he had paid attention to. Everyone from America he met did it.
"Could I have one?" Edward bit his tongue, knowing this was not like him at all.

"No.. Sorry Ed. I wouldn't feel right handing one of these to you." He did feel bad letting him down, but he didn't want Edward to face the same thing he was. He thought he would know better, being a doctor and all. "Is it a matter of distracting yourself? If that's it I can tell you, this shit won't do anything for you. It's a two second boost."

"It is." He couldn't help but sighing, but it helped him to know that someone cared enough to say no to such a request. "I don't think anything is going to take my mind off of him tonight. No scenery, fresh air. Why don't we go back?" Edward slowly rose to his feet with a grunt, holding his lower back as he did so. Another problem he kept hidden behind closed doors.

Dempsey stood up, putting his arm around richtofens torso. The small indication of the slightly taller man's back hurting did not go unnoticed, but he stayed silent about it. "That's fine. Tell you what, why don't I pour you a glass of something when we get there? You can chill out, watch a movie or whatever you want."

"Without you?"

"No, I'll stay up with you. Might have a drink myself. Sound alright?"

Richtofen nodded with tired eyes, and a small smile that he tried his best to muster up. It was heartbreaking seeing a person usually so enthusiastic appear so drained.

————————————————

Dempsey turned on the blinding light in his apartment, holding the door open for Richtofen to get through. "Why don't you take a seat on the couch? I'll open the balcony doors so there's some air circulation." He handed the small TV remote to him, making sure he got to the couch alright.

"Thank you." He fluffed a pillow and slowly sunk his pounding head into it, he still seemed despondent.

"You want a drink, right?"

"Just something light. Wine or champagne is alright, if you have anything like that." He moved himself to get comfortable, wincing when a shooting pain ran down his spine. He hid it well.

"Champagne is all I got if we're talking light." He poured two glasses of it, bringing it to the small wooden table that resided next to the arm of the couch. "Here's a few crackers too, not a good idea on an empty stomach even if it is light liquor."

He handed the crackers and a glass to Richtofen, plopping down beside him with a glass of his own. An arm snuck into the space between Edwards back and the couch, pressure was applied in thoughtful circles along the tense muscles. Edward downed half of his glass quickly, letting himself relax. In this moment, he realized how cared for he was. Even the smallest idea that a part of him was hurting, and Tank would help to the best of his ability. It was very endearing.

He forgot how quickly champagne worked, though not strong, he was dazed. The pain in his head was slowly replaced with a pleasant wooziness. The irrelevant conversations on tv made for great background noise in the silent moment they shared. Both found it to be comfortable.

"Glad you're okay, Eddie." He continued to push his fingers into the other man's back, downing the rest of his own drink. "I'm sorry." The whisper seemed to linger on, as he let his head rest on his shoulder. He too was starting to feel the enjoyable dizziness.

Richtofen took Dempseys arm from behind him and gently pushed his bulky frame into the arm of the couch, laying himself down on his companion. The steady heart beat from beneath the white shirt soothed him, further solidifying this reality. Tank simply smiled at the wordless action, wrapping loving arms around his other. "My Tank."

"All yours." The dark from behind his eyelids turned light, opening his eyes when gentle kisses were placed on his cut jawline, his stubble not interfering. The kisses travelled to slightly chapped lips, which were returned with soft enthusiasm. Gentle reminders of love were mumbled into each other's mouths, not pulling away from the lips that had become familiar to them both.

The room seemed to fall away from them; fluorescent light was drowned out by closed eyelids, and the sound of the tv was being challenged by sweet nothings.
Edward felt the beginning of a smile starting to plaster onto the desperate lips below him. Backing away, he noticed curious, half lidded eyes staring up at him.

“Come back.” Dempsey gripped at the jacket he had given Richtofen, making a pathetic attempt to pull him into his arms again, already homesick for the synchronization of their heartbeats. A playful whine made it’s way out of his mouth when he realized he wasn’t budging. “Did I do something wrong?” He furrowed his brows.

“Oh, no. You’re perfect.” He laid himself back down, running his fingers along pronounced veins in Tank’s arm, followed by the veins in his neck. There wasn’t a time that came to mind in which he was able to get to know someone so well, he took into consideration how soft the skin of the man laying under him felt. And how different it was from his, despite appearing the same. Thin fingers ran their course through thick hair, as their eyes met. “I’m just looking at you.”

Arms were returned to their place around the thinner man, still allowing him the freedom to explore. Heavy eyelids fluttered themselves shut, enjoying the feeling of his hair being played with so carefully. The words ‘i love you’ were mouthed, he feared the loudness of his voice would disturb the silence between them. This earned another kiss on the stubble ridden jawline, the last one before they fell asleep.

Chapter Text

Richtofen could not shake his genuine curiosity when it came to the medals and uniforms he had found covered in a thick layer of dust. They were memories buried under time, but he believed that was where they were better off belonging. Although not first hand, he understood how much of a scar war could leave on a person, and he knew that traumatic experiences were better left untouched. That was something he could vouch for, and he would never want to be the reason for bringing up someone's trauma.

However, his thoughtfulness and concern for Tank's wellbeing did not entirely block out human curiosity. Part of him did wish Tank would open up more, he believed it would open a new trust between them. He also believed it would help, in whatever minuscule way. Tank was an honest man, but he kept very quiet about things that could cause others to perceive him as weak. It wasn't like him to be seen as anything more as a hard-ass, and oh, was he determined to be viewed as such. Edward was surprised he had even allowed him in to see him cry; granted, he would have aided him in feeling better no matter his preference. He had been this way as long as he could remember.

He remembered Tank's resilience in battle with the undead, and he was persistent in insisting he did not need help, even if it was incredibly obvious that he did. Somehow, this was admirable, but then again so was everything. This string of thoughts brought Edward to realize just how long he had spent having feelings for Tank. What was once impossible, now was a reality. He wondered if Tank ever felt the same, or even considered having something more than friendship through all of those years.

His eyes wandered as his mind skipped through an essay of questions and thoughts. He easily got carried away in his own head, if he took a second to think, it often turned into hours.
The squeaking hinge of a neglected door shook him from his curious mind, adverting his eyes to a tired-eyed Tank, making his way out of the room that held his curiosity. A low groan emerged from the man rubbing his eyes, attempting to rid the crust from the corner of the slit he held tightly shut, not yet ready to adjust to the light.
He wiped snot from his nose with the corner of his sleeve, finishing with a stuffy sounding sniff.

"Oh dear," Richtofen wasted no time leaping up to feel his lovers forehead, noticing how hot he was, "I've seen better looking corpses." He whipped out an aged, neatly folded handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to Dempsey, who hadn't had the chance to get a word out yet.

He utilized the handkerchief, wiping away snot that pooled just above the exit of his nostrils, he sniffed again. "Thank you." He pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping to clear at least a little bit of the congestion that resided in his sinuses. His face felt tight and uncomfortable, knowing relief would be impossible. Richtofens arms were gently swatted away after attempting to escort him to the couch that he had been inhabiting for the last few hours. "I'm okay." He pat him on the shoulder, small taps seemed weak to the receiver. Tank usually didn't understand his own strength, small taps felt like punches to the frail, but he always went out of his way to be gentle with Edward.

Edward cocked an eyebrow at the pathetic attempt to sit on the couch, it seemed like an adventure of its own. He sighed, hunching his back in slight annoyance at his partners insistence on refusing help, and turned his body entirely to face Tanks.
"Why did you sleep in that room? You never go in there."
A genuine curiosity tumbled out of his mouth, which he silently cursed himself for. He hoped he hadn't already dug too deep. “You must have gotten a cold from being out so late last night.”

"To tell ya the truth," he tore a tissue away from the half empty tissue box, "i don't know." He shoved the tissue up both nostrils, making ungodly sounds, but clearing the snot for the next few minutes. "Sometimes I just.. Need to, I guess." He shrugged, balling the snot rag into his fist. "It's a nice reminder to never forget where you came from."

"Indeed, a helpful one." He trailed off, staring to the side without noticing his eyes beginning to wander, "I guess I never thought about you going into this room. The only time I've ever seen you go in there was when I was in there." His outstretched his palm to collect the soiled tissue, cringing when it was placed in his hand. "Can I get anything for you? You're obviously not doing well, please don't be difficult. Let me help."

Tank shook his head in defeat as the light blue tissue box was placed in his lap, yanking another one out, sheepishly. "My good blanket, I left it back in the room." He patted his pockets, noticing they were empty. "I also left my lighter on the little desk in there. The one with drawers. Could you grab those for me?"

The corners of Edwards mouth perked up with content, appreciating that he didn't have to fight to help Dempsey, even if it was a small gesture. He nodded before entering the room a few steps behind him, flicking on the light. His eyebrows raised, surprised to find one of the medals strewn out on the desk, placed next to the lighter Tank had kept with him throughout the years. He grabbed the lighter, his eyes gleamed at the medal that read 'Heroism'. He knew Tank was a hero, if not someone else's, then he was certainly his own. His fingers graced the letters, letting his imagination wander before quickly snapping out of it and bunching the blanket up in his arms as he left the dimly lit room.

"Tank? Your medal is out, did you want it in a drawer?" He threw the blanket over his body, tucking it tightly around him. He tried to be nonchalant about the topic.

"Oh, well shit. You weren't supposed to see that." He sighed, "no, that's fine. Leave it out." He scooted over, partially undoing the tucking that Edward had done. "Why don't you sit? I have everything I need for now."

Edward obliged, fixing the untucked blanket. There was a short, awkward silence. "You know, I didn't need to see a medal to consider you a Hero." he leaned in closer, fixing hairs that stuck out. "I've considered you a Hero since we first met. You're selflessness and you're.. rather tenacious. I say that positively, of course. I've never met such a committed, unyielding man before. And I've admired this about you for years, somewhat secretly." He smiled at the rosy cheeks in front of him, the blush spread quickly. "You've always been my hero. And I don't think your past is anything to be ashamed of, that medal makes me proud for you. Of you."

"If I start crying I'm going to produce ten times more snot than normal, that'll be your fault." He tried hiding a smile with a poorly executed frown, causing a chuckle to fall out of his mouth. He couldn't deny that Edwards little speech made him feel better about his past, though the way he felt about his time in the war was very conflicting. On one hand, he was extremely proud of his history, so much so that he had a pin on the jacket he wore so often. On the other hand, he was so burdened by the thought of it that he had hidden away any reminder of it. He had only wanted to see the medal again, he recalled how his fingers graced over the cold piece of metal, reminding him of how he used to be a Hero. Reminding himself that this would never be the case again. "I've been real lonely all these years. I don't do much but help Sonny down at his Café when he needs it, he's getting older now. He's been my only real friend since.. well, since we saw each other last. It's been a hell of a ride, Ed." He ran a hand through greasy hair, furrowing his brow as he realized how pathetic his life had become over the past decade. He had gone from a Hero, to a zombie hunter, to basically nothing. A shell of a man living in his tidy New York apartment, with nothing but the realization of his condition, and the few faded memories he could think of.

"But think of how far you've come.." a cold hand was placed over clammy digits, "You haven't given up. You've seen it through, you've given it a chance. You found your way to me." There was a guilt inside him, he knew his life had become more than what he had ever hoped for, and now he was praising someone less fortunate. He felt like a hypocrite, and he hoped his way of thinking was not mirrored by Tank. "And I'm so glad you did." His slender hand moved to the scratchy stubble of Tank's jaw, running his fingers against the grain. He moved to sit closer, their legs touching. "I have always been so proud of you, Liebling." He fell into loving arms, releasing the tenseness in his sore muscles.

Edwards hand moved to the back of Tank's neck, which helped him gently force his head towards his own. Their eyes scanned each other's, inches apart. They shared a smile, which was interrupted by a whisper. "I'm going to get you sick, don't do it."

"Hmm?" A devious smirk appeared on his face as several small pecks were placed on the others lips. "I don't mind."

"I like when you kiss me, Eddie." His voice was filled with a calmness he hardly ever found himself engulfed in, lethargic eyes fluttered. "But I really am sick. Why don't we just sit under the blanket instead, I'll tell you how I got the medal? There's a few more in there as well." He watched the foreign man's face light up in a failed attempted to hide his excitement. "I can tell you think that's a good idea."

Edward nodded slightly, encouraging him to go on as he snuggled under the warm blanket. "I do, but don't force yourself into anything you aren't ready to share."

"I was awarded a Medal of Honor, a Purple Heart and a Heroism award. I’m not sure if you know what those awards are for-“

“I do, go on.”

“Well, my Medal of Honor, I was severely injured and I fired at the others to save a few people in my troop. I saved their lives, risking mine. I remember hearing nothing but ringing in my ears, obviously the damage was already done at that point. They fired at me too, they’ve healed surprisingly well but you can see where they hit. Nothing vital.” His had instinctively cupped his deaf ear, “I’ve been left with a lot of guilt from that moment, there were so many i couldn’t save. They needed help and I couldn’t do it. I have the blood of enemies on one hand, and the blood of my friends on the other.”

“But it was out of your hands,” his arm wrapped around his torso as he leaned his head onto his shoulder, “you did what you could, not to mention you had such an injury, you weren’t on the top of your game. And that can’t always be expected of you, you saved them. You did well, that’s something to be proud of. Your dedication earned you that.”

“I wish I could think the way you do.” He paused before continuing, “my heroism award is also for saving others, it was less eventful than the situation that earned me a Medal of Honor. And my Purple Heart was essentially for being injured, which is sort of funny. But I was told it was for,” he threw his fingers up in sarcastic quotation marks, “ ‘a great sacrifice and paying the ultimate price’, which is some bullshit.” He snickered, shaking his head as his hands fell into his lap. “Some shit they pulled out their asses, nothing will ever fix this. No award, no words of praise, I’m ruined. Mentally, physically.. spiritually.. emotionally!… Ruined.” He shrugged, looking towards the wall in front of him. “The only thing I have going for me is you.”

Edward flinched at the raise in his voice, but immediately grabbed Tank close, scratching his back with manicured fingernails through thin fabric that covered aged trauma. “You are a good man, Dempsey.” His voice was a calm, comforting tone of brown. His words were rich and came easily to him, meaning every word. “I will never understand what it’s like, so I won’t pretend I will. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to help you in any and every way I can.”

The american looked into kindhearted eyes, not knowing how to react to the response. What Edward said helped him to realize that he wouldn’t try to change him, but rather accept him, which is what everyone else failed to do for him. They sat there in silence for a few minutes as Edward gently rocked them back and forth, humming the songs of his short-lived childhood. Tank sat there with a blank expression, which hid his busy, melting mind. “You’re something special, yknow.”

“Oh?”

“Never in a million years did I think I could be consoled.. or held like this.” He relished in the touch of the other man, “I’m damaged, but you don’t seem to mind.”

“What is the American saying for this? When two are the same so they stick together.”

“..Birds of a feather?”

“That’s the one. We are both badly damaged individuals, but broken doesn’t mean unloveable.” Gentle circles were rubbed into his shoulder, “you are most certainly lovable, and even more loved. And you are capable of so much.”

“You’re right about everything, I should be giving myself more credit for what I went through and what I did.. My life is so much better with you back in it. We found each other, we’ll be the embodiment of that little saying.” Tank smiled through his snuffy nose, “you’re deserving of all things good.”

Chapter Text

Tank might have been under the wrong impression when it came to Nikolai Belinksi, anything he could remember was covered by dense fog which prevented him from truly understanding the way things were. He sniffed, aware that he was not completely over his cold, despite it being several days since he had first came down with it. Edward was out on the town, which left him alone with his thoughts. He was glad that the other man was comfortable enough to explore the big city on his own, Tank even let him borrow his bicycle to get around on. Dempsey swirled the beer around in it's can absentmindedly, leaning over the railing of his balcony, watching the bustling city that contained people with lives much more interesting than his own. The end cigarette dangling out of his mouth turned a fire colored orange has he took another breath of it, a small smile crept on his face as the sickly smoke contaminated his lungs.

He pondered what he had just done, feeling quite accomplished with himself but still nervously trembling due to the phone call he had just made. He called an old friend, Takeo, after acquiring his contact information from Edward's phone when he wasn't looking. Not to be invasive, he just wanted to surprise him and any questions raised about Takeo's contact information would have given everything away. When it came to surprises, they were taken very seriously, and he would do anything to keep it a secret until it was time to be revealed.

The phone call went well, there was a lot of chatter from each end, mostly Takeo's, wondering how Tank had been all these years and what he had been up to. Tank had not been completely honest, he found it silly to be honest about his struggles when this was the first time they had talked one on one in a decade or more. He knew Edward would be around for at least one more month, and figured he would set something special up before he was a painstakingly long plane ride away. So, hat's when he raised the question to Takeo, if he and Nikolai would be able to come down for a few days, expenses paid for. He had not noticed Nikolai's contact information in his lovers phone, which meant he had to ask him through Takeo, which he happily obliged to. Any conversation that involved Nikolai, people seemed reluctant to talk about, and for good reason. Unfortunately, this flew far over Tank's head, he was under the impression that any wrong doings he had been told about were resolved long ago, and that he really had no intention of hurting anyone as bad as Edward had described previously.

Maybe he would understand if he hadn't been so accustomed to forgiving those who had done him wrong, he couldn't remember a time where he didn't immediately attempt to forgive and forget. He knew it wasn't right, that it would hurt him eventually, but he figured he would rather welcome unacceptable behavior into his life than lose the company that supplied it. He ended up alone anyways, so letting people take advantage of him is something he eventually regretted. The thing he was trying to avoid was inevitable, which he never thought possible at the time. He never learned though, and this may have been proof of that. Some people are better to let go of, as painful as that was to admit.

His head turned to face the interior of his apartment upon hearing the jangling of keys opening a busted lock. He put out his cigarette on the blue ashtray and walked to the door with the beer in his hand, taking a gulp as he pulled the door open, greeting a visibly frustrated Edward.

"Your lock is atrocious, how do you ever manage to get in?" He babbled towards the doorknob with keys stuck in the lock, he straightened his back from a hunched over posture. "I can't get them out." Edward seemed to become blistered with annoyance at small inconveniences, and this situation was proof. Because he considered himself such a smart man, he often ruled out the possibility of there being things he simply couldn't do. He believed that intelligence would erase most of the obstacles in his life, but even his extensive education could not solve a busted lock, which he found to be distressing. He turned to the doorknob, giving the keys a few dissatisfied yanks, which sent his eyebrows into a furrow.

Tank raised his eyebrows at the small burst of emotion, hurrying to delicately remove soft hands from the cold piece of metal. "It's okay, let me show you. It's a little tricky." He stood in front of the key, pushing it in further to the keyhole and turned it to the left with a steady hand, jiggling it until he heard a click. He removed the key and shoved it into his deep pocket. "Landlord won't fix he damn thing, I thought about doing it myself but I think that's an offense or something. I'm sorry, if you can't get it next time just knock." He planted a kiss on his sweaty forehead, noticing the bags he held in his hand. "What did you get? Did you have fun?" Shutting the door behind them, he watched as Edward put his bags on the table as he released his frustration through a deep breath.

"I had fun, I missed you. I couldn't figure out what one guy was saying to me, you could have come in handy. English is most definitely a second language." He chuckled, "Well, fourth, but I speak it second most." He pulled out an army green shirt and two identical jackets, in different colors. One was a dusky red-brown, and the other was off white. "The shirt is for you! And you can pick a coat, I figured matching ones would be entirely too cheesy.. So I got ones that are different colors."

Tank marveled at the subtle mention of being able to speak more than two languages, something he didn't know about the other man. He found himself not knowing a lot about him, which was to be expected since he had forgotten the fine details of what went on in his life many years ago. But it made him excited to learn. His thoughts were cut short by the enraptured man who practically skipped over to him with arms full of thoughtful gifts. He was handed the shirt, which plastered an exaggerated simper onto his face. He embraced Edward, aware that his arms were too full to return the hug. "My heart is smiling, thank you. Why don't you pick the coat you like best and I'll put my shirt on? I spilled my drink on the one I'm wearing earlier." He handed the can he was holding to Edward, so he could put his new shirt on without a struggle. He looked at Edward, puzzled, "Did you say English is your fourth language?" He slipped his stained shirt off, holding it between his knees as to not let it fall to the floor.

"Yes, fourth. I speak German, French, Italian, English, and a tad bit of Russian. I don't get to use my Russian very much, but the knowledge is there for when it comes in handy. My accent causes me to trip over Russian words, so I understand it better than I speak it." Tank's torso distracted him from handing him the dark olive-green shirt, he shook his head to snap himself out of a trance, handing him the shirt. "Besides German, I speak English the best out of all of them. Part of the reason I know as much as I do is because you never shut your mouth, so I learned a lot during our time together. This was years ago, of course, I've come much further. English is a shared language between many of my foreign friends."

He snickered at the playful jab, wrestling his way into the shirt. "You forgot the part where I still don't shut up." He humorously snatched his can back, walking over to a mirror in which he studied the shirt. "Thank you, Eddie. I love it. Je t'aime." He winked at a satisfied Richtofen, who smirked at the poorly pronounced French saying.

"Do you speak French?"

"Oui. Very little, and very badly. I used to be nearly fluent but I haven't had anyone to communicate with that speaks French, so my knowledge on it has sort of.. withered over the years."

"Sprechen Sie Deutsch?"

"No, I don't speak hardly any German, but I know well enough to know what you just asked."

"Sehr gut!" an energetic smile flashed across his face at the mutual understanding. Speaking in his mother tongue was something he noticed he had done considerably less of in the past few months, and it made him homesick. Being around Dempsey was something he did not want to be without, but part of him missed the loneliness of his oversized, desolate house in Germany. He had been living alone for so long that he missed the privacy of it, he wasn't used to being in an apartment with someone else, no matter how much he loved the person. Sooner or later, he would need to return to Germany for work, and for himself. "I almost got lost today, this city is not very easy to navigate. Most buildings look the same to me, is that a common issue?"

"Nah, not anymore. Well, I guess it used to be, when I first started living here. It's easy to get lost, maybe I should have gone with you." His cold hand patted Edwards shoulder and trailed to his lower back, pulling him close. "Next time I will." His sly gesture was interrupted by a blaring ringtone, excusing himself and walking to the balcony, shutting the glass windows behind him.

"Hi, Takeo."

"Hi Tank, it looks like we will be able to come down after all. And there's no need to pay for the expenses, Nikolai and I worked it out between ourselves. We're about to look into plane tickets, how does a week from today sound?" The tired man on the other end of the phone had a small grin, excited to see Tank most of all. Their friendship had been established years ago, and he was anticipating rekindling it with him.

"That sounds wonderful!" Tank exclaimed, "I know it must be early in the morning for you, I'll let you sleep or.. Carry on with your day. Keep me updated on what's happening, but just for now you should text because too many phone calls might raise suspicion. I haven't found it necessary to call people on the phone in many years."

"Understood, I will speak with you soon. Ja mata ne!"

"Bye, Tak." A sigh of contentness made it's way out of his mouth, walking back into the warmth of his comfortable apartment.

"Who was that?"

"An old friend from high school, we recently reconnected over social media," he grinned through his lie, "haven't seen or heard from him in a long time."

"Oh, okay. I'm glad you're remaking friends." Edward slipped kind hands into leathery ones, meeting his gaze. "You deserve more people who aren't me."

Tank pursed his lips in silent disapproval, and before he was able to speak, Edward butted in,

"Don't give me that look." he grabbed his chin in a playful, rough manner. Tapping the side of his cheek, he hid a grin, "You know what you deserve, even if you don't want to admit it."

"Stop that." He blushed red at the sudden grasp on his chin, removing it with a gentle force. "You're right, I don't want to admit it." He thought of what to say to change the subject, unwilling to continue with the awkwardness of receiving compliments. It was something he could never get used to, he could never agree with what he was being thanked for or what people thought of him when it was in a positive light. He figured it was something he would have to work on eventually, but it wouldn't come soon. "Anyways, how about we go to dinner next week? I have some things planned, it might be nice to get out."

"That would be wonderful. I'd rather work the fine details out later though, I'm too tired to think about all of that." His feet dragged to the couch, where he collapsed dramatically onto the cushions.

"Do you want me to carry you to the bed or did you want to stay out here? I can make you a bed on the couch.”

“I’ll just stay here, you don’t need to make it a bed. I’m okay as is.”

“Okay.” He smiled warmly, presenting his lover with his own favorite blanket. It had been with him through a lot, for many years, and had effectively seen him at the lowest point in his life. Now it was seeing him at the highest point in his life, and was being used by the man he had fallen in love with. Edward did not know the sentimental value of the blanket, to him it was just a source of warmth and comfort in his tired state. But the look on Tank’s face that never seemed to wipe away signified something to him, something was making him happy. “Do you want the remote for the tv?”

“No, that’s okay. I think i’m just going to close my eyes.”

“Alright Eddie, I’ll leave you to it. I’ll be in my room, sweet dreams.” Tank took the extra precaution to tuck the blanket around Edward tightly, so he wouldn’t get cold.

“Thank you.” His voice was sleepy, he watched as Tank made his way back to his room, and shut his eyes gently.