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Yue Qi was dreaming. 

The bamboo forest which surrounded him was lush and green, with no end in sight. The sunlight was clothed in green by the bamboo leaves, which were swayed by a gentle breeze, creating a roof of foliage through which Yue Qi could see some wisps of sky. He could —or rather dreamed he could— even smell the dirt, the wood, and the dew of the bamboo forest of Qing Jing Peak.  

In the midst of that scenery, Yue Qingyuan followed the stone path which divided the bamboo forest. It wasn’t difficult for Yue Qi to imagine where his dream self was headed. Nevertheless, the odd sensation of not feeling in control of his own movements didn’t fail to make him instinctively nervous; even though he was aware that he could stop at any moment and take control of the situation.  

Due to the different natures of how powers could manifest in demons —or in other beasts (or plants)— cultivators had to train their minds to be capable of not only repelling enemies, but also maintaining consciousness in their dreams, and thus avoid falling into mental traps. It was part of the training for spiritual self-control that Yue Qi’s Shizun had insisted upon.  

‘Cultivators shall abandon earthly desires, Yue Qi, as such desires can be harmful for the mind and for cultivation,’ said his Shizun as he gripped his shoulder.  

Yue Qi wasn’t especially proficient in the technique, he had good control of the basics, but he lacked the skill to alter his dreams of his own free will. He had the ability to perceive when the dreamscape was a threat to himself and escape, and he also could despersonify his consciousness from his dream self, but nothing beyond that.  

Besides, Yue Qi had neither a real opportunity, nor a real need, to put the technique into practice. At least in a real fight.  

There hadn't been any demon that had meant to storm into his dreamscape to attack him, and, when he could dream, it was mostly memories of his past or nightmares, so he wasn’t prone to acting upon them.   

His dreams flowed, and Yue Qi just let himself navigate through them most of the time —or rather, half the time.

In the seemingly endless bamboo forest, finally Yue Qi caught sight of a familiar building. In a glade stood a small cottage with light wood and sliding doors, surrounded by bamboo. Imposing and dignified, yet simple.  

The dream Yue Qingyuan hurried his steps and, rather than entering the courtyard and knocking on the door to announce his presence to the dwelling’s inhabitant, he walked around the cottage, as he instinctively knew where the owner of the house would be. On his way to the backyard, Yue Qi could hear the melody of a song traveling through the air.

Gao Shan Liu Shui. [1] 

Nearing its end. 

Yue Qingyuan paused before entering the backyard of the cottage, where the porch was laterally visible but the interior was still hidden. Through the open door of the porch, the sliver of a simple and perfectly recognizable fabric could be seen.   

Though to call it just a ‘simple fabric’ was almost an insult.  

Even from afar, the small intricate patterns of green bamboo and flowers decorating the cloth, which was regularly worn by the the Lord of Qing Jing Peak, were unmistakable from any other. The fabric was of the best quality, and made with silk which was cultivated and traded by a sect near the borders of the Demon Realm. It was a secret between Yue Qi and the Lord of An Ding peak that the noble and elegant Lord of Qing Jing Peak wore a considerably better quality of fabrics compared to the clothing worn by the rest of the Cang Qiong Peak Lords.

Sadly for Yue Qi, his dream self chose not to enter the backyard and remained next to the porch, while the song of the green-sleeved man resounded through the clearing. Preventing him from seeing more than just that little sliver of fabric.  

The echoing of the qin continued, unfazed by Yue Qingyuan’s presence, letting its strings cry out the notes of the song. Trying to recompose himself, Yue Qi decided to concentrate on enjoying the gentle music that the owner of that green sleeve kindly gifted.    

The mellow song traveled across the wind, performed by Shen Jiu’s expert hands, which gave it a rather solemn tone. The notes composed a conversation between themselves, responding to each other while floating through the air, seeking to depict that final conversation that the composer did not know would be his last.    

Selfishly abusing his abilities, Yue Qi could not help but force his dream self to slightly tilt his body forward, without moving from his position, so that he could see something more of the man who was playing the qin. 

Under the dark green sleeves flourished another robe of light green, with tiny details in white, which protected yet another layer of fabric, a more delicate gauzy and transparent cloth which gave a floating sensation to the movements of its owner.  And protected by these layers were finally the graceful white hands, visible in the positions of gou and bo .

Slim white fingers with little pink nails —slightly elongated, perfect for masterfully playing the qin— leapt atop the instrument. Rosy hands which looked incredibly soft to the eye, without any veins or defects beyond the flashes of tendons as they played, holding onto the final notes of the song. And of course, the kissable wrists which his dreams had undressed of their usual arm guards, the ones which the Lord of Qing Jing Peak wore daily. 

A heat of embarrassment, as well as of excitement, spread across the back of Yue Qi's neck upon seeing them.

Excitement, because he was aware of what kind of dream this was, having long passed the surprise in his teens.

Embarrassment, because he shouldn’t and didn’t have the right to taint the image of the innocent man playing the qin.

The song was in its final notes, the strings barely caressed by Shen Jiu’s fingers, so faint that the same wind could have taken them away if it wasn’t for Yue Qi’s rapt attention. Mourning a silent loss as the melody came to its end.

Shen Qingqiu removed his hands from the qin, resting them on his lap.

"Visiting unannounced again, Zhangmen-shixiong?" Shen Jiu's soft but masculine voice spoke from inside the hut, not much louder than a whisper, as if he wanted to force his audience to listen to him even from afar. "Very rude on the part of the Sect Leader,"

Yue Qi smiled.

"I am sorry to disturb Shidi, but I was really looking forward to seeing you," the words escaped from his dream self’s mouth as he strode inside eagerly, in an informal manner, as if he had not spoken with Shen Jiu for a long time. Yue Qi couldn't help but be slightly embarrassed by the words, and by his subconscious acting against himself. 

Or rather, saying things he would normally never allow himself to say.

Inside the room, Shen Qingqiu was seated behind his qin, looking at the strings with faint disinterest.  

"Always saying useless things..." murmured the scholar, as he saw to it that the strings of the qin were well-tuned and taut, stroking them delicately, a frown forming on his face. Strangely, at the same time, his thin pink lips showed a mocking smile.

A contradictory expression that never failed to make Yue Qi feel nervous.

Yue Qi made himself sit in front of the man at a proper  distance, the one he normally maintained during their reunions with each other —or rather, the sporadic times when he could arrange a meeting. Close enough to tip-toe within the limits of propriety that he would take with another Peak Lord or other acquaintance, but sufficiently distant enough to not be considered disrespectful of Shen Jiu’s personal space.  

Shen Jiu’s greenish-gray gaze looked at him intensely, and one of his thin eyebrows arched in a silent question. 

What question? He had no idea.

"Shidi shouldn’t make fun of his shixiong’s genuine feelings..." said Yue Qingyuan in the dream.

Yue Qi, watching his dream self from a separate mental plane, decided to enjoy the conversation as background noise before it could be disturbed by either resentful arguments or obscene acts. But taking into account the nude wrists, it was more plausible that this scene would fall into the second scenario. Though, there were times when both happened at the same time. 

"Genuine? Zhangmen-shixiong always hides the truth, never speaks with honesty, only says what others want to hear...” Shen Jiu taunted as he pinched the strings of the qin. 

Mn, both at the same time.

Long and silky black hair cascaded down Shen Jiu’s back, glistening in the mid-day sun of the dream, pulled back in such a way that two delicate strands framed his face. On the strategist’s head rested the metallic crown that symbolized the power he wielded over the lands of Qing Jing Peak, from which two green ribbons emerged and intertwined with the black locks.

I want to pull them.

"Shidi must forgive me then, yet there are things that should not be said because if said, I could not stop repeating them," more words came out of Yue Qingyuan's mouth.

Yue Qi tried not to grimace too much at the embarrassing dialogue his dream self had blurted out suddenly. They were partly things he wanted to say in real life but would bite his tongue before saying out loud, something that he had learned little by little to ignore over the years as the repetition of these scenarios developed, although he wasn’t able to avoid his sudden bouts of embarrassment while thinking about it awake. 

It was a good thing that brushes had a permanent budget on Qiong Ding. 

So, Yue Qi tried to return his focus to Shen Jiu's fingers, which were absentmindedly stroking one of the strings.

"Zhangmen-shixiong, afraid of repeating himself?" Shen Jiu flicked one of the strings, ringing out a faint sound. "First time I’ve heard of it,”

Yue Qi envied the strings being caressed and pinched by Shen Jiu. 

"There are things that must be repeated and others only said once, Qingqiu-shidi," 

Shen Jiu's body tensed, causing his fingers to shrink back and stop tuning the strings.

“Oh?” Shen Jiu fixed his gaze on Yue Qingyuan, facing the other man’s words with a false expression of incredulity. “What things does Zhangmen-shixiong think should be repeated until one is vomiting blood from hearing them, and others only said once?"

Yue Qingyuan didn’t avert his gaze, holding it. Yue Qi admired Shen Jiu’s face. 

“It depends,” 

“Depends on what?” insisted the Shen Jiu of Yue Qi's dream. 

“With whom you’re talking,”

Yue Qi watched how Shen Jiu pulled out and snapped open a fan at Yue Qingyuan's words, as if he had received an insult. The elegant dark green fan, constructed with pear wood and with a floral pattern adorning it, was familiar to Yue Qi. 

Ah.

The pattern seemed to him to be from a fan he’d obtained on one of his diplomatic trips and had given to the other man a long time ago. Yue Qi imagined that Shen Jiu must have already thrown it away when he never saw it again later.

…Or maybe he just forgot about it?

"Ah, as always, Zhangmen-shixiong has to insult this master," the lord of Qing Jing Peak said with a frown as he slowly fanned himself, a strained smile creeping onto his lips. "Has Zhangmen-shixiong ever heard that words lose their meaning when repeated more than one-thousand times?"

Yes, I gave it to him.

Though it was somewhat silly, and not really something to be happy about, Yue Qi couldn't help but smile when seeing that his mind had kept a detail as small as a fan. Although at the same time, it made the heat in his stomach rise at the thought that Shen Jiu was dressed up and using gifts from him.

I'm just being kind, I gift him things because I want to make sure he doesn't lack for anything, it's not weird–

"The opposite can be said of strikes," Yue Qingyuan countered, far from what Yue Qi was thinking.

But not Shen Jiu.

“Is that a threat?” Shen Jiu lifted his chin as he spoke in a cold voice, offended.

The sudden shift in tone made Yue Qi groan, and he decided to quickly amend the script of the dream. Even though it was useless to interfere in a dream, as it usually only worsened the rest when he already had so few dreams to start with, making the spirit restless, he couldn't help himself from the pang of guilt he felt when Yue Qingyuan offended the dream Shen Jiu. 

“No!” Yue Qi quickly said, making Shen Jiu flinch slightly at the increased volume of Yue Qingyuan’s voice. Yue Qi cleared his throat. “That...that wasn’t my intention, my apologies.” 

“Mn,” Shen Jiu peered at Yue Qingyuan. “Then Zhangmen-shixiong would be so kind as to illuminate this lowly shidi?”

Not wanting to interfere more than he needed to in a dream his shidi was starring in, Yue Qi returned control to Yue Qingyuan, to let him take care of the situation now that he had the outline for apologizing to Shen Jiu. Besides, it wasn’t best for Yue Qi’s heart to inhabit his dream self in these kinds of frivolous dreams —nor was it best for the budgeting of dummies at Qiong Ding’s training camp, which often took the brunt of his lingering emotional and physical reactions. 

I really need to stop doing this...

"…I meant, some words should be repeated to show that the feelings in them are constant and always present," Yue Qingyuan followed with no difficulties.

Seeing that the situation was handled, Yue Qi returned to admiring Shen Jiu and the little hidden beauty mark between his thick eyelashes, as well as the long locks that framed his handsome face.  Curiously enough, his dream had dressed Shen Jiu in a robe without a high collar, which was a rare outfit for the Qing Jing Peak Lord. Thanks to Shen Jiu’s control over his own physical temperature due to advanced cultivation, it wasn’t a problem for him to wear so many layers, and he seemed to favour them. 

Yue Qi looked intensely at that slender neck, white and still unmarked.

“Shixiong desires to impress this shidi with his apologies?” Shen Jiu hid half of his face with his fan, but Yue Qi could easily detect the sardonic grin on his lips. 

“Who knows, maybe if I do it well enough, Shidi will give some attention to this shixiong,” said Yue Qingyuan.

Ugh. It begins.

"This shidi doesn't need to be impressed..." The Shen Jiu of his dreams got up wearily as he walked to his chambers with his hands behind his back, mocking him. His long and sleek black hair distracted Yue Qi from the scene for a few seconds, but not Yue Qingyuan, who quickly followed him. "I just need the Sect Leader to be more sincere and stop wasting his time forcing himself to smile at this shidi."

Yue Qingyuan followed Shen Jiu to his personal quarters, where he had only a single desk topped with a few scrolls, and a tidy bed that was neatly arranged as if it hadn’t been touched. At the end of the room, some hangers were hooked onto a dresser. Showing his back to Yue Qingyuan, the master of Qing Jing Peak approached them.

"This shixiong is useless if the person whom he cares for the most cannot see that behind everything he does, he is thinking about his shidi..." Yue Qi turned a deaf ear to the shameless dialogue. "How can this shixiong make up for all the times he’s wronged his shidi?”

Shen Jiu began taking off his outer robe, draping it over the hangers in a ceremonious fashion. “Well, Shixiong could ask on his knees, then I might see some honesty in his words.”

Nevertheless, instead of stopping there, Shen Jiu’s white hand started to unbutton the next layer of his robes, button by button, until finally adjusting his shoulders and letting the robe slide off over them.  

Tempting the shameless part of himself, Yue Qi decided to avert his gaze even when he knew it didn’t make sense as this was a wet dream, but like a lot of his reactions to Shen Jiu, it was instinctive. For his part, the dream Shen Jiu continued disrobing himself as if Yue Qingyuan, the man he avoided most of the time, wasn’t there at all. As if Yue Qingyuan was another piece of furniture. 

Yue Qingyuan knelt, following the order. Still looking. 

"What can this shixiong do to repay Shen Jiu for all his mistakes?"

"He must admit to the whole sect whom his favorite shidi is, and always believe this one when he tells him something," Shen Jiu's soft voice continued outlining his demands as the sound of another layer of outer clothing being untied, followed by the sound of a hanger being placed, made something hungry crawl inside Yue Qi. "Because this one does care about the sect and not just his reputation, not like the rest of 'great' lords of the Cang Qiong peaks."

Ah, a demanding Shen Jiu is good. 

Yue Qi, trying to shame himself for the dialogue that his mind was making his dream Shen Jiu say, thought for a moment whether it would be better to abandon this dream and wake himself up, as always. For his part, Yue Qi’s cock had already decided for him and was responding to the situation, like always.  

The sound of another layer brushing against the floor made Yue Qi shut his eyes tight, even though he hadn’t been looking, abandoning his other senses to listen to fabric slide against skin and the sound of hangers being placed on the dresser. 

“You’re asking me to reaffirm what everyone already knows? That the only reason I'm still in Cang Qiong is because of my beautiful shidi?” the Yue Qingyuan from the dream spoke frankly.

Yue Qingyuan felt his face turn a bit hot, thinking how he had seriously outdone himself in this dream with the horrible dialogue, he was sure the real Shen Jiu would kill him if he ever tried to say something like that.

Another robe was undone and another hanger was put up.

"Zhangmen-shixiong uses too many words and too few actions, even though he knows perfectly well that the latter are more effective...at this rate, Cang Qiong will be labeled as weak."

Fighting with his own excitement and losing, Yue Qi told himself that he would wake up later and send another fan in apology, as he turned his gaze back to Shen Jiu.

Dream Shen Jiu had turned around, now only wearing a thin white robe. It covered his chest, but was thin enough for the outline of the Peak Lord’s erect nipples to show against the smooth fabric. His toned but lean chest was hugged by the delicate cloth, outlining Shen Jiu’s slender figure that normally wasn’t visible under the layers of robes he usually wore. 

Yue Qi clenched his teeth. 

Oh.

Shen Jiu’s loose hair, undone from its crown, gave him a younger appearance, making him softer as well as more seductive in contrast to his everyday hairstyle. Not that the latter didn’t have its charm, nor was it the star of his other dreams of the same type, but it was just slightly more agreeable. 

And as if that wasn't enough, apart from the belt that hugged the small waist of Shen Jiu's slender body —perfect for wrapping his two hands around, to hug and to handle him— the undergown was short enough to leave Shen Jiu's long, shapely legs in plain sight.

"Ruin lies between the legs of a maiden, Yue Qi," his Shizun lectured him. "Even cultivators can learn something from their enemies, do not forget Tianglang-Jun's fate."

What’s one more step into hell? 

His gaze traveled down them, from the thighs that looked as soft as tangyuan yet still strong and firm from Qing Jing Peak’s training, passing over the pink knees and finally the feet. The latter, usually hidden under boots, were small and white, with tiny toes and manicured pale pink nails. Delicate soles and soft veins, as if they belonged to a noble woman of high birth.

Yue Qi noticed his mouth salivating.

This is...new.

"Well? How will Zhangmen-shixiong repay this offense to his shidi?" spoke a smug Shen Jiu, punctuating his remark by hitting his right thigh with his fan, making the muscle shake. 

Yue Qi whined mentally as his cock jumped in excitement, more vigorously than in other dreams.

It wasn’t as if his imagination hadn't explored different types of bodies in different dreams. Trying to guess at the mysteries beneath Shen Jiu’s layers of robes, but Yue Qi really couldn’t recall any of the men he’d seen naked in his life —platonically, of course— being that handsome.

Beautiful…?

Without really being able to recall, it seemed that Yue Qi’s dream today had become rather inspired and just decided to throw him some new material, which made Yue Qingyuan feel embarrassed, because it meant that his wet dreams were evolving rather than slowing down. 

Just great, Yue Qi thought, as he tried to discreetly push dream Yue Qingyuan’s erection down with his palm.

"I leave it in the hands of my shidi…” whispered Yue Qi, wanting to overtake a bit of the dream. Jumping down through the well-trodden rabbit hole. 

Shen Jiu laughed and undid the tie of his robe which separated him from complete nudity.

Yue Qi inhaled sharply as his eyes traveled over the sea of white skin. 

The pronounced clavicle of the Qing Jing Peak Lord gave way to a naked chest, smooth and trained, decorated with two small, erect pink pebbles. His dream painted Shen Jiu's body with small scars, rather than the unblemished skin of other times, more typical of a cultivator. But the change was not badly received, because it only made him want to kiss each and every one of them.

Almost nostalgic, some scars were hidden memories that Yue Qi couldn’t quite recall but felt the shade of in his memories, while others made his heart pound with curiosity, a feral impulse to kiss each one of them.

Down his chest, Shen Jiu's smooth but toned white stomach was also decorated with a few small injuries, and below his navel, a little more than two fingers above where the pubic hair should begin, a distinct scar rested —as if it were a mark to be kissed. From there, a small waist descended into ample hips, connecting Shen Jiu's torso to his pale legs. 

Yue Qi's hungry gaze lowered to find…

He felt himself choking on his saliva. 

I’m sure I have never seen anything like that! 

Yue Qi gave it a second look. And a third, even longer. Because he would never have imagined in his life, except in that moment of admiring the dream Shen Jiu, that he would describe a cock as...cute.

No, beautiful.

Delicate? Pleasing to the eye?

The perfect size to fit inside my mouth, appearing soft to the eye, and with a pink tip that encourages licking, as if sweet nectar will come out of him? 

Yue Qi's erection was unbearably hard.

He let his gaze linger on the cock, wanting to get closer to inspect it, because what Shen Jiu had between his legs was a noticeable change from his usual wet dreams. Normally, Yue Qi imagined Shen Jiu's member somewhat larger and much less white and pink, more of a reddish color, not this dick that Yue Qi would have no problem swallowing whole and wrapping his hand around until Shen Jiu wept. 

I won't be able to look at Shen Jiu at the next meeting without thinking he might have something so.... Yue Qi sighed as he wondered if he could make this Shen Jiu masturbate in front of him.

That would be a view.

As he was admiring that enticing fruit, Yue Qi must have become quite distracted, because the Shen Jiu from his dream approached him angrily, hitting him on the head with his fan. 

"Is Zhangmen-shixiong listening to me?" asked Shen Jiu, annoyed, as he crossed his arms and placed one of his legs on top of Yue Qi's right shoulder, looking down at him from above. Yue Qi pressed his lips together, debating on whether to keep looking at Shen Jiu's cock or Shen Jiu's face, and narrowly deciding on the latter.

Not without regretting having to decide between the two.

Looking into Shen Jiu’s green eyes, Yue Qi hoped that he had not taken full control of his dream self, so that his dream self could respond within the scene after seeing Shen Jiu's crotch. However, to his poor luck, Yue Qingyuan had also been distracted by Shen Jiu's scent which grew even stronger in that position between his legs, allowing him to lay his cheek on Shen Jiu's strong thighs, making him dizzy.

"C-could you repeat what you said?"

Shen Jiu snorted as he furrowed his eyebrows, but with the hand that wasn’t holding the fan, he grabbed Yue Qi’s hair and tilted his face up even further.

"I said...” Shen Jiu grinned with a wry smile that didn’t reach his dark green eyes, “does Zhangmen-shixiong want to fuck me?"

Yue Qi swallowed.

"I…”

Yue Qi had accepted with great shame that he had more than fraternal feelings for Shen Jiu, and swore to himself that he would never act on them in real life, after years of dealing with these wet dreams. It was one thing when it was in the privacy of his mind, but the reality of his mistakes and what Shen Jiu really felt for him was another thing entirely.

Because it felt frighteningly natural how his admiration grew into something deep in his bones for Shen Jiu. His mind, his firm character, how he cared deeply, his way of verbally tearing someone apart when they deserved it, his ability to stay two steps ahead of others but be idiotically stubborn at other times, his wry humour, the way he had always carried himself...Yue Qi envied how he embodied all that Yue Qi wasn’t when they were kids, those feelings eventually growing into brotherhood when he saw how Shen Jiu wanted to depend on him and he finally could finally depend on someone else. 

But then, in the blink of an eye between lessons upon lessons, the wet dreams started. 

His mind started wondering about what Shen Jiu would look like when he was older, what would be underneath his robes, about how it would feel to touch him, about how he wanted more. About loving Shen Jiu.

And then the real Shen Jiu appeared and Yue Qi felt like drowning.

It meant that Yue Qi was just another man who wanted something from Shen Jiu. Not his older brother who didn't expect anything in return for his loyalty, but someone who wanted him for his body or his unconditional affection.

Because the meaning of Xiao Jiu had been tainted at some point, and Yue Qi had not even realised it. [2] 

What back then had been born as something pure, from the brotherly affection of two slaves —where the support of the other was the only thing standing between them and a cold death in winter— Yue Qi had tainted by turning it into something immoral that lurked deep in his heart and stalked him through every corner of his dreams, mocking him.

A part of Shen Jiu that belonged only to him.

More obviously, he had failed Shen Jiu and Shen Jiu deserved to hate him. To do this without his consent was an offense to Shen Jiu, who was not a cut-sleeve like himself—

"Yes or no," Shen Jiu said in a low voice, looking him straight in the eyes with a burning gaze.

Yue Qi gritted his teeth as Yue Qingyuan closed his eyes.

His cock a painful reminder of his selfish desires.

Shen Jiu snorted indignantly and made to pull back the leg above Yue Qingyuan's shoulder, but Yue Qi stopped him by grabbing the soft thigh, sinking his fingers into the tender flesh, completely defeating Yue Qi.

"Yes." Yue Qi almost bit off his words.

Because it was easy to give Shen Jiu everything, whether it was the best fabrics or his own life, all but one thing.

"That's what I wanted to hear..." Shen Jiu said as his free hand caressed Yue Qingyuan's face, who simply let him. With the hand that still held his fan, Shen Jiu gave a small blow to the hand gripping his thigh, making Yue Qi sadly release the soft flesh, allowing Shen Jiu to finally lower his leg from the Lord of Cang Qiong’s shoulder.

Giving one last caress to Yue Qingyuan's cheekbone, Shen Jiu walked away from Yue Qingyuan and gave a quick glance back at Yue Qingyuan's lap, emitting a pleased hum at his appearance. 

Standing no more than three steps away, Shen Jiu walked backwards, leaving Yue Qi only able to stare at his front. This was all well and good, but Yue Qingyuan’s cock would have preferred to see the back. 

Shen Jiu kept looking at Yue Qi in amusement.

"Well?" Shen Jiu intoned, as he touched the half-closed fan to his lips before snapping it open, placing it over the part of his chest where his heart should be. 

Yue Qi stopped his dream self from standing up in time, forcing him to maintain the kneeling position in the middle of Shen Jiu's room.

"Tell me what you want, Shen Jiu," Yue Qi asked, wanting to at least enjoy Shen Jiu's voice in his dreams, commanding him, talking to him.

I will give you everything, I just need you to tell me, to let me hear you, to talk to me, to let me see you even if it's only for the length of a five-sentence conversation, but to know that you are still alive, that you are well, that you are eating and that you have a roof over your head –

Shen Jiu looked at him coolly for a few seconds and then let out a soft chuckle that made Yue Qi tremble. Then, Shen Jiu rested his empty hand on his hip, shifting his weight onto it. Raising the fan until only see his eyes could be seen, he spoke the words that finally shut down all the theatrics they’d been playing at:

"Eat me, Yue-shixiong."

And before Shen Jiu could blink, Yue Qingyuan rose to kiss him, his hands wrapping around Shen Jiu’s small waist. 

The kiss began innocently, as if it were an apology, Yue Qingyuan enjoying the taste of the other's soft lips, warm against his own. Gentle, not wanting to scare Shen Jiu. Leaving a second peck on the lips, a third...

And the fourth kiss didn't come because Shen Jiu bit Yue Qingyuan's lip, tired of such gentle restraint.

So Yue Qi didn't make Shen Jiu wait any longer and attacked Shen Jiu's lips with hunger, parting them with his own, letting himself be carried away by the current he had drowned in a thousand times since he was fifteen years old, and yet somehow it always seemed new and exciting. Licking Shen Jiu's lips so that when Shen Jiu opened them to take a breath, Yue Qi thrust out his tongue to explore inside Shen Jiu.

Licking the inside of his mouth, Yue Qi drank in the kisses and the saliva that the Shen Jiu of his dreams gave him, receiving the occasional bite from Shen Jiu in return. The shorter man began to run his hands over Yue Qingyuan's clothes, seeking to open them, having dropped the fan at some point.

In one fluid movement, Yue Qi grabbed Shen Jiu from the back of his thighs to carry him and push him against the wall, while Shen Jiu wrapped his arms around Yue Qi’s neck. Yue Qi nearly moaned at how easy it was to lift him.

Because of the force with which Yue Qi had pressed Shen Jiu against the wall, some of the hangers clattered to the ground and, for a second, Yue Qi made a nervous attempt to pick them up, but Shen Jiu wrapped his legs around him and grabbed his face so that he could only focus on Shen Jiu.

The kiss continued as Yue Qi pressed himself against Shen Jiu, feeling the erection of the younger man against his stomach. He pressed even harder against him, to feel it even more. Shen Jiu arched against Yue Qi as he tried to do the same, to also feel more of him as he tried to remove Yue Qi’s robes in the process.

But it didn't feel like enough.

"Xiao Jiu..." Yue Qi begged without really knowing what he was begging for, sticking his nose into Shen Jiu's hair, becoming intoxicated by the scent of sandalwood and ink, leaving butterfly kisses along his ear and neck.

"Don't treat me like I'm made of glass..." Shen Jiu scolded in a low voice, angrily biting down on his neck until he made a mark, clutching his arms around him. "Because I'm not going to be nice."

Yue Qi shivered in pleasure.

Repositioning Shen Jiu higher in his arms, Yue Qi began to distribute kisses around Shen Jiu's neck, which evolved into hickeys and bites, causing the younger man to let out low sighs and little moans. Shen Jiu, trying not to be left behind, sought to open the layers of clothes that Yue Qingyuan was still wearing.

"Xiao Jiu...Xiao Jiu is finally in my arms..." Yue Qingyuan repeated as he insisted on leaving a mark on the left side of Shen Jiu’s neck, almost at the base, in his desperation. Wanting that white skin, that not even the sun had touched, to be covered in bites.

But it seemed that the situation was too one-sided for Shen Jiu, because after he broke away and managed to open the collar of the four robes Yue Qingyuan was wearing, he proceeded to bite Yue Qingyuan's neck with force again, causing Yue Qi to let out another moan of pleasure.

Yue Qi's hands travelled from the soft thighs up to those two mounds of flesh that he’d not yet been able to witness in their full glory.  

Yue Qi squeezed the plump buttocks, wanting to leave marks on them, making Shen Jiu let out a pitiful mewl from the strength of his grip. 

What was that?

He squeezed again as he crushed the shorter man against the wall, wanting to make him notice his erection, leaving no space between them.

"Yue Qingyuan, you too," Shen Jiu murmured, muffled against his lips as he attacked them, running his hands over the parts of Yue Qi's chest that had been uncovered, curiously exploring the skin. 

As he was caressing the scarred skin of Yue Qi’s chest that his cultivation couldn’t fully erase, Shen Jiu paused the kiss to look down and finally squeeze Yue Qi’s right pectoral with a glimmer in his eyes, curious. 

Okay…? 

Hesitantly and feeling a bit self-conscious, Yue Qi pulled away just long enough to bare his chest completely and then quickly embraced Shen Jiu again to kiss him, making the flushed man hug his neck and stop touching his chest. 

Without missing a beat, Yue Qi began to pepper loose kisses down Shen Jiu's chest as far as his positioning would allow. While keeping Shen Jiu aloft with only one of his arms and leaving Shen Jiu’s leg dangling, Yue Qi's right hand began to trace its descent down Shen Jiu’s chest, pausing only to squeeze the soft underbelly of the Qing Jing Peak Lord. 

"Is this okay?" Yue Qi asked, a little dazed.

"Yes, yes, don't ask permission for everything–" Shen Jiu whined.

Wrapping his hand completely around Shen Jiu's dick —and needing a moment to come to terms with the idea that he could do it— Yue Qi began to stroke the head of the erection with his thumb while kissing its owner, who began letting out louder whimpers as his smaller cock was lavished with attention, the drops of precum used as a lubricant.

"Ngh..." Shen Jiu moaned as he arched against the wall, pressing his hips closer to Yue Qi’s, seeking as much contact as possible. Taking advantage of this, Yue Qi again pressed his lips to his neck and spread kisses wherever he could. 

But rubbing Shen Jiu’s member was difficult without any real lubricant and, in the absence of any as far as he knew, Yue Qingyuan let out a small apology as he spit on Shen Jiu's cock with what was probably a mixture of his own saliva and Shen Jiu's. 

Don’t think about Shen Jiu having lubricant in his room, don’t think about Shen Jiu having lubricant in his room, don’t think about Shen Jiu having lubricant in his room–

Shen Jiu moaned at the contact of the saliva, cold against his hot cock.

So cute...

Masturbating Shen Jiu with one hand and kneading Shen Jiu's ass with the other, Yue Qi felt...he shouldn’t let this dream, that his mind seemed to have put more effort into than usual, go to waste.

"Ah...Xiao Jiu is so sensitive to me..." he whispered into Shen Jiu's ear with a pleased tone. "So good, so perfect, so cute."

"Ah! Ah!" sighed Shen Jiu, red up to his neck as he hid his face against the crook of Yue Qingyuan's shoulder.

"Isn't my Xiao Jiu adorable? Where else could I find someone so perfect? Even your erection is cute, pink and small, perfect for my mouth..." Yue Qi pressed Shen Jiu against the wall as he noticed how Shen Jiu's legs trembled around his hips. The green-eyed man responded by burying his nails into his back. 

"Stop talking!" growled Shen Jiu, redness blooming across his face. "F-faster!"

Adjusting Shen Jiu better against the wall, Yue Qi jerked Shen's dick faster as he kissed him again, messier and much wetter than before, wanting to make Shen Jiu’s lips puffy and red from his attention.

"Do you like it Xiao Jiu?" asked Yue Qi as he spread kisses all over Shen Jiu's face and ears. "Does it feel good?"

"Qi-ge..." Shen Jiu moaned, flushed. 

Yue Qi felt excitement seize his chest upon hearing that nickname from Shen Jiu's mouth, his cock getting even harder if possible, and he increased the pace of his hand on Shen Jiu's cock even more. As shameful as it was, hearing Shen Jiu calling him gege again was a bit of a recurring fantasy in this kind of dream. 

With how things were at this point, Yue Qi expected he would become very compromised if the real Shen Jiu ever actually called him Qi-ge. It was lucky that Shen Jiu never would. 

Silver linings... 

Yue Qi would mentally reprimand himself later for using their childhood nicknames like that again.

"Ah, Xiao Jiu makes his Qi-ge so happy...Xiao Jiu, can you say it again? For your Qi-ge?"

Shen Jiu's legs began squeezing around his hips once more and he arched even further against the wall, letting out sobs as his hips sought contact with Yue Qi's hand. Seconds later, stretching out his free leg and uttering a moan that could probably have been heard throughout the clearing, Shen Jiu came.

Yue Qi felt himself drowning deeper and deeper in those feelings he’d been struggling with all his life, seeing Shen Jiu's rosy face with his damp eyes that seemed unable to focus on anything as he shivered through his orgasm.

"Ah, not fair Xiao Jiu..." Yue Qi said, more to himself upon seeing Shen Jiu's expression of pleasure, feeling his hands itching to bring him to another orgasm, to make him feel even better. Yue Qingyuan brought the hand that had masturbated Shen Jiu up to caress his cheek, unintentionally smearing Shen Jiu’s cum against it. "Are you okay, can you continue? Ah, wait sorry…”

Yue Qi licked the cum off of Shen Jiu's face until he was clean of it, enjoying its musky taste spreading across his palate as Shen Jiu turned red under the attention. Hungry for more, Yue Qi raised his hand to lick the semen from it, but a grip on his wrist stopped him.

"Don't do that, wipe it off!" scolded Shen Jiu.

Yue Qi pouted. 

What a waste. 

"Qi-ge," Shen Jiu warned with a scowl, though due to the redness of his face, his lips swollen from kissing, it only gave him an appearance that was more erotic than threatening, making Yue Qi want to bully him more. The man’s chest heaved up and down, trying to inhale more air, still recovering from the orgasm earlier.

Yue Qi relented and wiped his cum-covered hand on the robes still hanging from his hips. At least he could get more later.

"Xiao Jiu will give me more, right?" Yue Qingyuan asked, looking straight into the eyes of the dream Shen Jiu almost innocently, even as he could feel the hunger in his chest growing more intense.

"Not if you don't earn it," Shen Jiu chuckled, revealing his teeth as he smirked with a sneer, a defiant look.

Yue Qingyuan smiled back, with what he supposed must have been a very foolish expression. 

“You really have a dopey smile when you look at Shen Jiu from afar,” the former Lord of Qing Jing Peak grinned at him, amiable. “I am content that the future Sect Leader will uphold Qing Jing Peak in his right ful place.”

Once again grabbing the thighs of both the master of Qing Jing and of his fantasies, he made his way to the bed that was only a few steps away from them. He placed Shen Jiu's body in the middle of it, near the edge. After years of wet dreams, Yue Qi had learned that performing dual-cultivation in places that he frequented in the real world wasn’t a good idea; so floors, walls and public places were off-limits if he could help it.

Giving him a quick kiss, he began a trail of marks from Shen Jiu's red, swollen lips down to his neglected nipples. 

Leaving a kiss where the heart should be, Yue Qi began sucking on the small pink button on the left, circling it with his tongue. Beneath him, Shen Jiu trembled and moved his hands from Yue Qi’s back to his head, undoing the hairstyle and tossing the crown somewhere. Running his fingers through the strands of Yue Qingyuan's hair.

"It really has been a long time..." murmured Shen Jiu.

Yue Qi lightly tugged the nipple and then sucked on it, until he’d left a clear mark of having gone over it with his teeth. That he was there. With the hand that wasn’t gripping Shen Jiu's thigh, he reached out and pinched Shen Jiu's other pink pebble. 

"Qi-ge, stop that..."

Yue Qi kept biting Shen Jiu's chest.

The hand gripping Shen Jiu's thigh went back to massaging Shen Jiu's still sensitive member.

The remnants of semen that didn’t end up in Yue Qi's hand had made Shen Jiu's cock slicker, allowing Yue Qi to stroke it more easily and abuse the tip, seeking more of Shen Jiu's essence.

"Ah...do you think you would be able to cum again, Xiao Jiu?" Yue Qi murmured, as he let go of the abused nipples and began a new round of kissing and nibbling all over Shen Jiu's abdomen. "Please, Xiao Jiu? I didn't get a good taste, I promise I'll make you cum for all the times I've disappointed you, but..." Yue Qi gazed adoringly at the scarred white skin, looking up to beseech Shen Jiu with pleading eyes. "...let me swallow your cum..."

"What nonsense are you saying..." Shen Jiu groaned as he covered his red face, appearing as though he’d been terribly wronged by Yue Qi’s words. "What the hell is wrong with you today..."

Sucking and marking all the white skin he could see, giving special attention to that mark above the Xiu Ya Sword's lower navel and leaving a large hickey there, Yue Qi finally reached Shen Jiu's cock. 

Kneeling in front of the bed, Yue Qi admired Shen Jiu's beautiful cock, red from the abuse of his hands and bathed in precum.

Yue Qi reproached himself, noticing how his mouth salivated just from the sight of it. Like some kind of beggar who was presented with the most plentiful banquet after years of starving, gorging with gluttony regardless of whether he vomited it all out afterwards.

He left a small kiss on the tip, letting his tongue quickly clean the precum dripping from it.

"Qi-ge..." Shen Jiu whimpered as he tightened his grip on Yue Qi's hair with one hand, and with the other he covered his face. Yue Qi thought for a second that Shen Jiu wanted him to stop, but Shen Jiu lifted his hips, seeking more contact with Yue Qi's tongue and removing any doubt.

"Ah, Xiao Jiu, could you spread your legs wider for this Qi-ge?" Yue Qi looked at Shen Jiu with dark eyes.

As if Shen Jiu's blood was pooling around just his face and his cock, the sinful sight of a red Shen Jiu spreading his legs, revealing his small cock and hole to Yue Qingyuan, made Yue Qi’s dick jump and wet his trousers with more precum.

"Xiao Jiu, you are so good for your Qi-ge..." Yue Qi said, drunk with joy as he placed Shen Jiu’s legs on his shoulders.

"Shut up, Yue Qingyuan!" scolded the beautiful man in the akimbo position, keeping his arms crossed over his face. Yue Qi bit down on one of his thighs, a bit frustrated to be called so formally again.

Unable to wait any longer, Yue Qi began to leave kisses down Shen Jiu's cock and licked along the length of it.

Running his tongue over the small fruit, trying to remember to keep his teeth away from it, like the advice in all those dual-cultivation manuals his twenty year old self had read out of curiosity said to do.

In the world they lived in, it was not uncommon for plants with poisoned pollen to require dual-cultivation as a cure. It was shameful knowledge, but useful nevertheless.

Yue Qi swallowed the dick until his nose touched Shen Jiu's skin. Enjoying its weight and the taste of the other man’s skin, noticing each of his veins and running his tongue along them.

Shen Jiu whimpered as he felt the wetness and warmth of Yue Qi's mouth and large tongue on his dick, trapping Yue Qi's head between his trembling thighs.

Yue Qi pulled off of Shen Jiu's cock until he had only the tip of it in his mouth, and then proceeded to swallow it back in, all the way down his throat. And with more enthusiasm than skill, he repeated the motion until Shen Jiu gasped as if he were being bullied instead of pleasured.

"Qi-ge–!" Shen Jiu whined as he noticed how Yue Qi's throat brushed over the tip of his dick, causing his breaths to quicken and become more erratic. 

Yue Qi watched as if entranced, with Shen Jiu's dick still filling his mouth, how Shen Jiu’s eyes trickled out small tears and his mouth opened to emit more mewls. Seeing that Shen Jiu might be close, he pulled the erection out until only the tip was left to suck on.

Shen Jiu gasped.

"Fuck–!" he cursed.

Yue Qi sucked harder on the reddish-pink tip of Shen Jiu's cock, as if he could pull the semen out of it. Shen Jiu gripped Yue Qi's hair tighter, forcing Yue Qi to go deeper as he covered his mouth with one of his hands, rolling his eyes back at the abuse being done to his dick. 

Yue Qi released his grip on one of the legs over his shoulder to start masturbating Shen Jiu, he licked the tip a few times and finished with a hard suction, waiting for Shen Jiu's cum.

"Does Xiao Jiu feel good, will Xiao Jiu be nice to me and give me his semen?" Yue Qi had completely taken control of his dream self. "Will Xiao Jiu be nice and give his cum to his Qi-ge? Now–?"

"I–!" Shen Jiu shouted as he reached another orgasm, puffy and bitten lips dripping threads of saliva, hips spasming violently against Yue Qi’s face. 

Yue Qi stuffed the entire cock inside his mouth to make sure nothing would go to waste this time, swallowing the cum. In his desperation and joy, Yue Qi didn't notice how this grip on Shen Jiu's hips had transformed into an embrace, holding them aloft in the air to better drink from them.

Drinking the hot liquid, Yue Qi savoured Shen Jiu's gift with eyes closed. 

Yue Qi turned his gaze back to Shen Jiu, who was trembling with tears falling from his eyes, letting out little sobs from his swollen lips and bruised neck, still somewhat dazed from his orgasm. His legs trembled in the air, resting on Yue Qi's shoulders.

"No more..." Shen Jiu moaned.

Yue Qi made a reluctant expression. 

"Sorry Xiao Jiu, Qi-ge will finish now after I clean you up, is that okay?" Yue Qi said encouragingly as he pulled off of Shen Jiu’s cock for a moment before swallowing it back into his mouth and sucking.

Resuming his ministrations on the sensitive member, making sure it was all clean and that Shen Jiu had completely ejaculated his semen, Yue Qi didn't want to give Shen Jiu a negative experience, even if it was a dream. And what was the point if, even in his own dreams, he couldn’t let loose his restraint and give Shen Jiu everything?

But Shen Jiu moaned louder, as if he was being molested.

"Qi-ge, stop! N-no more!" 

Yue Qi focused on Shen Jiu's cock, ignoring his cries as he brought it to the back of his throat, moving the still languid member into his mouth with his tongue.

"Stupid–! Qi-ge, put me down–!" whined Shen Jiu, his hips shaking in Yue Qi’s grip, who’d begun to lift them higher and higher as he embraced them, nearly standing. By this time, Shen Jiu was in a wheelbarrow position as Yue Qi cleaned him up.

Shen Jiu came for the third time with his eyes rolling back and his mouth gaping, with his dick still soft inside Yue Qi's mouth from the previous orgasm.

Yue Qi closed his eyes and drank with a bit of disappointment, as the cum was thinner and there was less of it than before.

Normally it isn't like this...

After cleaning Shen Jiu's dick of all traces, Yue Qi looked down at Shen Jiu who was still shuddering from the orgasm. Entranced, he couldn't help but let his teeth caress that length, wanting to taste it with all his being. He really couldn’t remember the last time that he was able to touch Shen Jiu in any way.

Mournfully, Yue Qi looked at Shen Jiu's lips, wet with saliva and parted as they gasped for air, thinking that surely the Qing Jing cultivator wouldn't want to be kissed by someone who had his semen in his mouth.

Yue Qi groaned at the image, feeling how his cock ached for attention. But there was no time to waste on that before the end of this dream.

"Do you think you can go again Xiao Jiu?" Yue Qi asked, looking at Shen Jiu's flaccid dick. "Can I–?"

Shen Jiu threw his hair crown at him, interrupting him, but honestly Yue Qi was so hard that it felt like he was being hit with the fan, and not the hair crown that had been passed down from Cang Qiong Sect Leader to Cang Qiong Sect Leader, made of an ancient material and imbued with qi.

"St...Stop playing around and prepare me," Shen Jiu grumbled with a frown between gulps of air, his trembling hands covering his cock as if he wanted to protect it. Yue Qi wondered if he had bitten him accidentally. "Zhangmen-shixiong promised to do...whatever I said..."

Yue Qi obeyed as he lowered Shen Jiu's hips, but without letting them go. Enjoying the weight of those legs and the softness of his skin.

"Could Xiao Jiu turn around?" 

"Why can't you do it like this?" frowned Shen Jiu, hand still protecting his crotch.

"It's easier, Xiao Jiu," Yue Qi tried to convince him, not that he had the experience, but that’s what the books had told him and after years of dreams, he also had his preferences. And looking at Shen Jiu’s hole eating him, squeezing him as if he didn’t want to let him go,  was one of them.

"You don’t want to see my face?" Shen Jiu crossed his arms, spite in his voice, though with the lethargy from his successive orgasms, it sounded more like nagging.

Yue Qi couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped him.

So spoiled! Isn’t that too cute?

"No, but it would let me prepare Xiao Jiu easier, and I know he would look charming in that position, too." Yue Qi kissed the scar on Shen Jiu’s stomach. "Later, when I'm done, we'll switch, okay?"

Shen Jiu sneered at the compliment but, slightly trembling, he turned around anyway and crawled on all fours to the center of the bed, presenting himself with his ass lifted and his head resting on his arms, his face hidden by his hair. As if he was ashamed of this position.

Yue Qi soon climbed onto the bed and knelt behind Shen Jiu to closely admire the new view, which would be forever burned into his retinas even though it was only just a damned dream.

Because between Shen Jiu's ass cheeks was a pale pink chrysanthemum, faintly glistening from the semen that had sadly escaped from Yue Qi’s mouth and dripped down over it, greeting Yue Qi. As if trying to clench over something invisible, the small hole opened and closed, inviting him, defying any logic. Like it was asking to be plucked and ravished.

"So small..." Yue Qi murmured, marvelling at Shen Jiu's entrance.

Yue Qi grabbed Shen Jiu's ass, making him jump at the contact. With his thumb he caressed the small hole, gently pressing down but not inserting anything as the little thing started twitching erratically, almost timidly.

Shen Jiu shivered and drew up his hips at the contact.

"What does Xiao Jiu want me to do with it?" Yue Qi asked, mesmerized by the greedy ring of flesh. "What can this Qi-ge give to his Xiao Jiu?

Yue Qi was supposed to enter him to carry out dual-cultivation, but he doubted that the small hole could fit more than three fingers without extended preparation, probably less without a proper lubricant.

Good thing this was a dream.

"Son of a..." Shen Jiu muttered irritably under his breath. 

Yue Qi only responded by going over each and every fold of Shen Jiu's chrysanthemum with his fingernail, watching as it responded by fluttering erratically at his ministrations. 

Needy little thing... Yue Qi nearly whined.

"Qi-ge..." Shen Jiu pleaded.

Yue Qi’s cock was almost crying in his trousers for attention.

"Yes, Xiao Jiu? What can I do to repay you?"

Shen Jiu's hand went to his entrance and reached out, in what had to be the most obscene display that Yue Qi had ever seen in his life, when at most he’d been inside the foyer of a brothel to search for the man who was now blossoming in front of him.

"Fuck," Yue Qi gasped weakly, forgetting his language.

Shen Jiu used two of his fingers to stretch open the small hole from the outside.

"Qi-ge has to stick his fingers into Xiao Jiu."

Ah.. What will I do with you?

Yue Qi brought his face close to the entrance, leaving a chaste kiss on the ring that seemed to send an electric current up Shen Jiu's spine.

"Why does Qi-ge have to stick his fingers in his Xiao Jiu?" Yue Qi asked, famished from hearing Shen Jiu speak.

Yue Qi listened as Shen Jiu cursed at him from below, gathering saliva in his mouth.

Shen Jiu adjusted his posture, spreading his legs wider and pulling his ass further back towards Yue Qingyuan.

"For Qi-ge's dick to enter Xiao Jiu..." Shen Jiu lilted.

Yue Qi could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest and his cock. 

"I will work hard to reward Xiao Jiu..."

Burying his face in Shen Jiu's ass, Yue Qingyuan began to lick the ring of flesh and, making sure his tongue was soaked with saliva, he penetrated Shen Jiu with the tip of his tongue. His nostrils filled with the smell of ink and sandalwood.

"No, wait–" Shen Jiu tried to speak before he was cut off by Yue Qi's tongue pressing further into him. "Ah! Ah!"

Yue Qi's tongue moved inside Shen Jiu, looking for what could make Shen Jiu tremble. His hands didn't stop either, massaging Shen Jiu's buttocks, one of them traveled towards the perineum, caressing it and making Shen Jiu shake even further.

"Ngh!"

Yue Qi continued to stick his tongue inside, then pulled it out and left a lick on the rim of the already reddish ring of flesh, before licking up to the tailbone and returning to press his tongue back inside. 

"Qi-ge, I told you...fingers...obey–" Shen Jiu moaned, throwing his hips back to grind himself against Yue Qi's face.

Yue Qi moved his tongue inside the flesh ring, biting it lightly at times, making Shen Jiu jump.

"Stupid!....Qi-ge! You pro...mised me...” Little tears fell from his eyes as his words hitched.

Yue Qi stuck his tongue in even deeper, but with his brow furrowed.

Shen Jiu was right, he was bullying him.

Yue Qi gave him a kiss before removing his tongue completely out of the tight canal and putting his fingers inside his own mouth to coat them in saliva. The pink ring twitched wantingly, opened up by the tonguing Yue Qu had given him.

"I could eat you for hours Xiao Jiu...You just have to ask me..." Yue Qi started begging as he slowly pushed one of his fingers inside, Shen Jiu tensing up under its entrance. Unlike Shen Jiu, Yue Qi didn't have a musician's hands, they were bigger and more calloused from holding Xuan Su, a double-handed sword. "Just say the word and I'll start practicing inedia, you will be my only food..."

The sight of Shen Jiu's tiny hole taking in Yue Qi's fingers made Yue Qi groan. Noticing how tight and warm Shen Jiu was around his fingers. 

"Until you cry out for Qi-ge, until you make me think that you can't take any more, but then you let me continue anyways because Xiao Jiu always exceeds Qi-ge's expectations..." At any other time Yue Qi would be ashamed of all these words, but for now he would just enjoy this secret in his mind. "Alright?”

"Qi-ge!" Shen Jiu cried out as he noticed how the first finger was already completely inside him, moving in and out, letting Yue Qi's hand slap against his ass as if he was really thrusting in. 

Yue Qi inserted a second finger to accompany the first. Moving both at the same time, he pressed down in search of what was supposed to be the prostate, with no success. Yue Qi couldn't imagine how much practice Mu Qingfang and his wing of healers that dealt with sex pollen poisoning must have had, to quickly find that spot inside of someone. 

He’d seen men and women going in and out of those rooms in under two minutes.

Truly outstanding. 

Shen Jiu whimpered.

Yue Qi returned his attention to the task at hand.

"Qi-ge would be very happy to have his precious Xiao Jiu sit on his face, it’s not like I need to breathe...'' Yue Qi said as he kept looking for that spot that made dual-cultivation easier, trying not to get distracted by how slippery and tight Shen Jiu's insides were. Yue Qi feared for a second that he didn't prepare him well, but a muffled moan from Shen Jiu told him he was close, but not yet there. "I would just need my Xiao Jiu enjoying himself while..."

Shen Jiu let out a guttural noise, throat rasped, as his hands clawed the sheets.

Yue Qi smirked, starting to gently pass over that spot. 

"Seeking his own pleasure from Qi-ge, using me...to forgive all that this horrible Qi-ge has made him suffer..."

Shen Jiu jerked, raising his hips towards the contact while letting out soft sobs, nearly hyperventilating.

With two fingers inside him, enough to open them up, Yue Qi tried to insert a third. The ring of flesh resisted, only letting in the first knuckle, so Yue Qi spread his fingers wide enough to open up Shen Jiu’s entrance.

And then he spat inside the open hole with the saliva gathered in his mouth.

"Ngyah!" Shen Jiu's hips twitched.

Yue Qi stuck his fingers back in, but not too deep, thrusting them in and out more quickly, focusing on opening up the flesh ring. Shen Jiu started breathing faster and Yue Qi was able to hear some strangled noises. 

"Qi–!"

With the entrance more open, Yue Qi once again tried to fit all three fingers, this time successfully pressing them all the way in. He once again searched for the prostate by forcefully maneuvering his fingers inside Shen Jiu. 

Shen Jiu had decided to bury his face in a pillow, the sheets already torn by his grip.

Yue Qi began to thrust his fingers.

In and out.

"Ah..." Yue Qi sighed dreamily. "Xiao Jiu's ass receives his Qi-ge's fingers so well, I'm very happy."

Yue Qi could only hear the sound of his hand against Shen Jiu's ass and the slick sounds of his entrance. The calamitous beauty muffled his moans, hiding his face against the pillow.

Mn, Shen Jiu was right, this position is no good. 

Then Yue Qingyuan felt how the inside of Shen Jiu trapped his fingers, clutching them what was almost fury.

"Idiot! No more! I'm ready now!" Shen Jiu whined into the pillow.

"What if I hurt you? How could I forgive myself?" Yue Qi argued, thrusting his three fingers even faster into the hole, making Shen Jiu moan louder. Nearly screaming.

"Qi-ge!" he protested, getting up on all fours and looking back at Yue Qi. 

"Xiao Jiu, trust me, this Qi-ge will do everything in his power to give you an orgasm," Yue Qi reassured him, trying not to sound aggrieved at having to rush.

Shen Jiu's insides tightened around Yue Qi's fingers, sucking on them, but Yue Qi kept pushing his fingers inside and out. Noticing how the small hole came to clench around his fingers, like it was trying to keep them inside.

“Stupid–! I–” Shen Jiu moaned loudly as he moved himself against Yue Qi’s hand on all fours. Wanting to have more of those fingers inside him. 

Yue Qi noticed how Shen Jiu's legs trembled and his hips gave little spasms, a fourth orgasm clearly forming in his stomach as his cock started throbbing, pushing his hips back to seek it out, moaning shamelessly.

The entrance squeezed his fingers tighter, as if they were his cock. 

"Yue Qingyuan, stop this–! Too much–!"

Yue Qi came first inside his trousers, untouched.

Shen Jiu came soon after, throwing his head back onto one of the bed pillows with a cry, his cock also pulsating without having been touched. 

As Shen Jiu's ass spasmed and Yue Qingyuan's saliva trickled out of his entrance between his fingers, Yue Qi sat back from the force of his orgasm, with his three fingers still inside Shen Jiu.

That was…

Yue Qi felt colour rise to his face. 

Normally in his dreams, he would cum inside Shen Jiu, not just because Shen Jiu was on all fours pleading and moaning. Grabbing one of Shen Jiu’s buttocks with his other free hand, Yue Qi was again gnawed by the familiar guilt of abusing his dreams and staining the image of his shidi in this way. 

How am I disappointed with such a thing in a wet dream...? 

Yue Qi rested his head on top of Shen Jiu's ass as he squeezed it, wondering how in the hell he would face the real-life Shen Qingqiu when he woke up.

Yue Qi sighed.

Or maybe he didn't even have to worry because Shen Jiu hated him and, if they weren't fighting, it was because Shen Jiu ignored him as much as was humanly possible. Because Yue Qi deserved it for not saving him, foolishly damaging his own cultivation in the process.

Shen Jiu was also on a mission in a city 40 li [3] from Cang Qiong for an audience with Tian Yi Sect in neutral territory, and had probably visited a brothel afterwards.

Yue Qi kissed Shen Jiu's right asscheek, desolate and with an ache in his chest.

But his opinion didn't matter, Shen Jiu was free to do what he pleased. 

Yue Qi bit the skin of the ass viciously, making Shen Jiu jump.

Shizun was right, feelings are foolish.

"Qi-ge," a grunt interrupted Yue Qi's thoughts.

Yue Qi refocused on the Shen Jiu of the dream and stopped resting his head on Shen Jiu's ass, as he noticed the man's movements underneath him.  Shen Jiu moved forward with a groan to pull Yue Qi's fingers out and turned around to face the larger man.

On the alluring face of Shen Jiu, a cute frown and tight lips were present, giving an aggrieved expression, with eyes full of crystal tears from the previous activities, some of his hair sticking to his sweat-damp skin. His neck and chest were full of marks and hickeys and, in between those white semen-stained legs, his cock was red from friction, and his abused ring closed uselessly around the air. 

"Looks like Zhangmen-shixiong is having fun abusing his shidi," Shen Jiu said scathingly. 

Yue Qi's length perked up.

Shen Jiu moved closer to him and grasped his half-hard cock. His expression turned more bitter.

"Am I so undesirable that Zhangmen-shixiong can't even maintain a hard-on?"

Yue Qi stared at him in confusion.

Shen Jiu's eyes began to dangerously fill with tears.

"Not even when..." Shen Jiu started, pained. 

Yue Qi panicked.

"I came," croaked Yue Qi as he grabbed Shen Jiu's wrist with one hand and with the other pulled down his trousers, along with the rest of his robes, and showed his pants soaked in cum. Shen Jiu’s eyes and mouth opened wide at the sight of Yue Qi's cock, which made Yue Qi blush. "I really enjoy pleasing Xiao Jiu, so I got lost in myself, Qi-ge is sorry."

Shen Jiu's expression was one of relief.

Then it morphed into one of fury, warning Yue Qi of the scolding that was coming his way.

"What idiot cums without being touched!" Shen Jiu shouted at him, moving his hand in a swipe to grab Yue Qi's erection, almost strangling his dick if it wasn't for the fingers of his hand not completely encircling it. 

Yue Qi let out a moan of pleasure and Shen Jiu one of indignation. 

"What are you, a teenager? Not with this monstrosity! And you haven't said a word! Who cums silently? Say something you fucking idiot!"

Yue Qi only responded by blushing and tightening his lips at the feel of Shen Jiu's soft but cruel hand on his erection. Yue Qi hoped he didn't notice the throbbing of his heartbeat. 

"Answer me!" Shen Jiu tightened his grip on Yue Qingyuan's sex even more. "Are you making fun of me? Remember who here is Cang Qiong's strategist and who always saves your ass when you screw up!"

Yue Qi nodded frantically as he grabbed the wrist of the hand gripping his cock, he didn’t want to cum again without being inside Shen Jiu.

"What? You can treat my fucking dick like a tanghulu but I can't do the same?" Shen Jiu spat out angrily as he sat on Yue Qi's lap, bringing his face close to Yue Qi’s, still holding Yue Qi’s cock hostage, which was hardening again from all the attention from Shen Jiu’s smooth hands. "If you won't bother to use it, then give it to me. Shall I cut it off for you?"

Yue Qi squeezed Shen Jiu's scarred hip.

"Did you get harder?" The colour rose on Shen Jiu's face.

"I..." Yue Qi began.

It’s confused, Yue Qi wanted to blurt out. 

But he didn't need to think about it any deeper because Shen Jiu kissed him furiously, teeth clashing, almost shoving his tongue all the way down his throat. Yue Qi moaned into the other man’s mouth as he responded in kind.  Shen Jiu's hand left Yue Qi's member to embrace his neck, throwing himself on top of him.

Yue Qi, still somewhat confused, followed Shen Jiu’s kiss, letting himself be dominated, but seeing that Shen Jiu's arms might get tired, he sat up and repositioned the Qing Jing Peak Lord onto his lap. Shen Jiu's position brought their two pillars into contact.

They both let out a moan.

Yue Qi reached out his hand to start stroking the two cocks at the same time, but Shen Jiu slapped it away, seeing what he was up to.

"Qi-ge cums inside this Xiao Jiu or Qi-ge can do it for himself."

Yue Qi raised his hand in a signal of surrender. 

“I will have to sacrifice,” Yue Qi grinned, sending his hand down Shen Jiu's back, giving him a questioning look. The man became even more red, his lips pressed in a thin line. 

He just leaned into Yue Qi, silently agreeing.  

Yue Qi’s hand went down until it touched Shen Jiu’s hole, which quivered under Yue Qingyuan’s caress, who was making sure it was still loose enough, causing Shen Jiu to let out a whimper. 

"Xiao Jiu is unfair," Yue Qi whispered against the skin of Shen Jiu's neck, leaving a new mark on it and thrusting three fingers inside him again. "Ah, how can your ass be this sensitive? It's too good..."

Shen Jiu let out a squeak.

The entrance resisted a bit but let his fingers pass, allowing Yue Qi to push them back in and out as he rubbed his dick against Shen Jiu's.

"Now–! Enough, p-put it in..."

Yue Qi looked down with some uncertainty, even though it felt good inside with Shen Jiu's walls clenching around his fingers, he would feel bad if Shen Jiu bled. It didn’t happen often but some wet dreams ended in tragedy, it was just a fear born from reading some medical books, and from Mu Qingfang’s horrific sense of humor in meetings concerning matters of dual-cultivation.

“Doesn’t Xiao Jiu want a fourth–?”

"Qi-ge!" Shen Jiu reproached as he placed his knees on the bed and got into position above him.

"I'm going, I'm going." 

Grabbing his own erection with his free hand and pulling his fingers out from inside Shen Jiu, Yue Qi lined himself up with Shen Jiu's entrance. Letting his tip touch the hole but not pressing in yet, enjoying it flutter over him as it opened and closed, as if it wanted to eat him.

Shen Jiu wiggled his ass up and down, trying to urge it in, making an attempt to force Yue Qi's dick inside but only succeeding in making it slip and rub against his wet hole and his two mounds of flesh.

Oh, that felt good. 

Shen Jiu gave a frustrated sob.

Yue Qi whined solely for the fact that Shen Jiu wanted it. 

"Ah, Xiao Jiu is so cruel to this Qi-ge," Yue Qi licked Shen Jiu's tears as an apology and lined his erection against the hole once again.

"Ha! I don't want to hear that from you...!" Shen Jiu grumbled with frustration, deciding to handle things in his own way as he sat down on the cock.

Yue Qi stopped him from going further than partway, tightening his grip on his hips. 

Shen Jiu's insides were soft and wet around Yue Qi, but mostly constricting him. Shen Jiu's walls squeezed almost painfully, and Yue Qi felt that if he tried to pull out, both Shen Jiu and himself would get hurt. 

For his part, from Shen Jiu’s eyes streams of tears started to descend, clenching his teeth as he felt the cock painfully parting his insides.

"Tight," Yue Qi growled with a frown.

Shen Jiu's body trembled and Yue Qi strengthened the grip on his hips, seeing how Shen Jiu tried to take gasps of air as he clawed Yue Qi's back. More tears fell from his eyes as he started to tremble, suffering from how impossible it felt to push Yue Qi even further inside than he already was. 

"Don't move..." Shen Jiu grumbled nearly menacing,, trembling slightly. “How...did you...”

Yue Qi kissed Shen Jiu on the lips in apology, forgetting about the semen he’d swallowed earlier. And Shen Jiu seemed to as well, as he returned the kiss while his thighs shook under the strain.

Hungrily, Yue Qi kissed Shen Jiu, roaming his mouth as Shen Jiu's tongue insisted on intertwining with his own. Yue Qi, trying to make it so that Shen Jiu didn’t focus on the pain of taking his cock, spread butterfly kisses all over his face. 

And he kissed.

And kissed.

And kissed.

"I want it all..." Shen Jiu whispered against Yue Qi's lips as he dropped let his weight on Yue Qi's member, to conquer more and more inches from the erection. 

Yue Qi, using the grip he had on his tiny waist and saying a quick ‘sorry,’ pulled Shen Jiu down to the base of his cock, causing Shen Jiu to open his mouth in a silent scream. 

Any other time, Yue Qi would have enjoyed letting Shen Jiu take his cock bit by bit, kissing him while telling him how good he was at taking it, how proud of him he was. However, drowning in this unbearably cute version of Shen Jiu that his mind had created, he just wanted to devour more and more of him.

Yue Qi felt that he couldn’t help it, his own impulsiveness acting up again.

And once Yue Qi was fully inside Shen Jiu, with Shen Jiu able to feel Yue Qi's balls against his ass, Shen Jiu leaned on Yue Qi's shoulders and hugged him tightly. Yue Qi did the same, feeling that he really should have used that fourth finger as the hole clenched around him like a vise, like it didn’t want to release him.

Shen Jiu trembled in his embrace and Yue Qi gave a kiss on his shoulders.

Ah, this really isn’t fair.

Yue Qi caressed Shen Jiu’s back in circles, apologizing as well as consoling him for his rash actions, while hearing soft cries and murmurs. 

To stop.

To not hurt him.

To not be like the others.

So Yue Qingyuan waited, dutiful even as he was confused, embracing Shen Jiu as he cursed him and hugged him tightly. 

As natural as breathing.

After what seemed like a few minutes, Shen Jiu started circling his hips. Trying to make space inside himself little by little, forcing his hole to take it all.

"Ah..." he sighed with pleasure.

Yue Qi just held Shen Jiu's hips, letting Shen Jiu accommodate himself, fearing that Shen Jiu's insides would tear. But to Yue Qi’s surprise, Shen Jiu started directing his hands to his stomach. Caressing himself. 

Shen Jiu laughed.

Yue Qi felt his face heat up suddenly, the pleasant sound of Shen Jiu’s laughter reverberating inside him, making his ears tickle bashfully. 

It was profound, resounding and joyful. A bit breathless.

"Qi-ge is finally inside me..." he said with a cocky grin, showing off his teeth, a look charged with feelings that Yue Qi hadn't seen for a long time. 

Carefree.

Yue Qi tightened his grip on Shen Jiu’s waist, leaving more bruises as he kissed Shen Jiu again. Wanting to desperately drink in that smile, wanting to hear that laugh even if it was false.

Ah, this hurts.

A few moments later, between gasps and more slow hip movements, Shen Jiu raised up on his knees until only the tip of the member was left inside him, then suddenly dropped himself down, taking it all the way to its base. Yue Qi grunted.

That should have hurt Shen Jiu but, as if he could only feel pleasure, Shen Jiu sought to push the member deeper and deeper, to then move his ass upward partway and slam himself down again. 

Mounting him.

Not wanting to be left behind, Yue Qi lay back on the bed and began to thrust upwards, planting his feet on the bed while holding Shen Jiu’s hips. Looking at how Shen Jiu’s tiny cock jumped as he rode him, supporting himself by putting his hand on Yue Qi’s chest. Shen Jiu fondled Yue Qi’s chest again. 

With a pang of humiliation over his scars, Yue Qi moved Shen Jiu’s hands to his shoulders, making Shen Jiu nearly slip. He looked at him confused, with a frown, as if Yue Qi had offended him, but Yue Qi thrust upward again, making him moan and resume riding him.

Shen Jiu let out a curse, moaning at the sky as he sank back down searching for his orgasm. Hair stuck to his face and flew out with a savage rhythm as he rode him, pleasuring himself. 

"Xiao Jiu, Xiao Jiu, Xiao Jiu, Xiao Jiu, Xiao Jiu, Xiao Jiu..."

As if trying to thrust his testicles inside, Yue Qi used his grip on Shen Jiu to slam his hips against Shen Jiu’s ass every time he went down. Wanting to make space for himself within Shen Jiu's insides so that he would never forget him or ignore him, so deep inside him that he could never forget how Yue Qi’s cock felt. 

Yue Qi felt sorry that Shen Jiu's cock was neglected, bouncing as he rode him, so he put his hand on it to start masturbating him. The tiny cock was hard, easy to handle and grasp.  

“Much–! Too mu–!”

Shen Jiu started babbling as he impaled himself faster with trembling arms, only going halfway up his cock before coming down again, as if he didn’t have the strength to lift himself up any higher, his beautiful thick thighs trembling. 

Shen Jiu began to let out more moans, as the squats on his cock grew heavier and heavier, losing the speed from before. 

Crying. 

Shen Jiu’s arms looked like they were about to give out any second, so, sacrificing his grip on Shen Jiu’s cock, Yue Qi  took Shen Jiu’s hand from his shoulder and held hands with him to give him better support while riding him. 

But sadly, Shen Jiu’s fruit was neglected again.

"Don't stop! More! More!" Shen Jiu gasped, hips bucking up, desperate to feel Yue Qi’s cock inside. A little bump appeared on his plain smooth stomach with each thrust.

What is that?

Shen Jiu was lost, letting out gasps, moans, and nonsensical sounds.

"Pay attention to me! Want me more! Ah!" Shen Jiu began to shout as he fixed his eyes on him, making Yue Qi give him all his attention. "Don't ignore me! Yell at me, hit me, use me but–! Ah!"

Yue Qi moaned as he saw Shen Jiu leaning forward, crying from pleasure.

How am I to ignore you? When the only reason I’m here is because you’re here as well?

Suddenly Shen Jiu let go of his hands and grabbed Yue Qi’s face, kissing him.

"I forgive you everything, don't leave me!" Shen Jiu looked at him with teary eyes and a reddened face, as if Yue Qi had ever wanted to look at anything other than him.

Hands free, Yue Qi grabbed the gorgeously bruised hips and slammed into him, as he forced his own hips to thrust faster. Shen Jiu kissed his face, moaning about being abandoned but interrupted by a particularly violent spasm, Shen Jiu's whole body tensed, cumming between their stomachs. Squeezing his erection as if his insides didn't want to let go.

Yue Qi kept on ramming into him as Shen Jiu came.

"Never! Qi-ge has learned his lesson, he will never leave his Xiao Jiu."

Shen Jiu was trembling above him with ecstasy.

Yue Qi pulled his member out of the abused hole and changed his position to loom above Shen Jiu. With a fucked-out Shen Jiu beneath him, he entered his clenching insides and started thrusting again. Shen Jiu, moaning at the loss of flesh, cried out as he reentered, seeking out the cock by moving his hips backwards.

Yue Qi grabbed the back of Shen Jiu's knees and pushed them against the bed, as if Shen Jiu was going to escape at any moment, or as if someone wanted to snatch him away, slamming in harder thanks to the new position. Skin against skin, in fast and furious thrusts. 

Shen Jiu let out a high-pitched shriek.

Broken.

"Qi-ge...!" Shen Jiu moaned.

Yue Qi leaned forward, feeling his orgasm approaching inside that tight, wet hole. Thrusting with more desperation.

"I'm close, Xiao Jiu..." Yue Qi growled as his hand moved down to Shen Jiu's cock, leaving one of the legs.

"Ah! I want to...!" Shen Jiu cried with a flushed face, lips puffy from kissing and biting, messy hair sticking to his skin. Commanding him. "Kiss!"

Yue Qi was left with no choice but to obey.

Gentle. Slow. Deep. 

As if Yue Qi wasn't hammering Shen Jiu's ass.

Shen Jiu moaned into the kiss, opening his mouth as his arms and legs wrapped around Yue Qi again. As if Shen Jiu also wanted to stop Yue Qingyuan from leaving his embrace. Almost as if he was desperate too. 

But that was the beauty of dreams.

"Qi-ge...!" Shen Jiu moaned.

"Xiao Jiu..." Yue Qi growled, deliriously thrusting erratically and forcefully masturbating Shen Jiu, now hands in the hips of the man.

Yue Qi came first, so hard his ears were ringing, followed soon after by Shen Jiu.

Shen Jiu dropped onto the bed, almost suffocating Yue Qi with how tightly he hugged his neck, cock pulsing inside of Shen Jiu as he spilled, hot and thick. Not wanting anything to leak out of Shen Jiu, Yue Qi didn't let go of Shen Jiu's hips until he was sure all of his cum was inside Shen Jiu's warm interior. 

Discharging every last drop.

Yue Qi's vision had white spots, having surely made his body cum back in the plane of reality.

He leaned back for a moment to look at the shaking body below him and, as he caught his breath, sandalwood and ink filling his senses, he placed his forehead against him again. 

Hugging the limp body, Yue Qi adjusted their position, rolling on the bed. 

With Shen Jiu above him, Yue Qi could enjoy the weight and the warm skin of the man who wandered his dreams. The same man who groaned at being manhandled just let his face rest on Yue Qi’s chest as he dazedly ran his fingers over it, fondling the muscle.

Why is he so insistent...they are just ugly scars.

Shen Jiu smoothed his fingers over his tanned skin, touching the big pale wounds from his punishment in the Ling Xi Caves, that he couldn’t even erase in his dreams. But still somehow, as if the man didn’t care, he caressed them with something that could be mistaken for tenderness. 

Yue Qi chuckled, laughing at himself for making his dream Shen Jiu do something so ridiculous, so wrong.

Because Yue Qi knew this was all wrong.

That this wasn't real.

“Qi-ge...” moaned Shen Jiu again, with the fingers of his other hand digging into the shoulder of Yue Qi and lifting up his hips against Yue Qi’s, grinding.

Demanding him.

Yue Qi leaned and kissed Shen Jiu’s lips. Unable to stop himself from smiling.

This is hell.

The funny thing about dreams is that time is something relative, as the mind can perceive dreams in any way that it so chooses. Dreams could last a lifetime in no more than a few hours, and a second could last the months of a coma or years of meditative seclusion.

It was the gift of sleeping. 

Hence, Yue Qi and Shen Jiu didn't have any problems having an improvised sex marathon. Yue Qi bit all over Shen Jiu's body, leaving kiss marks, taking the opportunity to keep his mouth on Shen Jiu's erection for at least three orgasms until Shen Jiu pulled his hair while crying for him to stop. Shen Jiu, for his part, had returned the favour as well with his smaller mouth and pinching Yue Qi’s thigh when he tried to not go overboard, and gladly exchanging cum from mouth to mouth afterwards. 

But slowly, as the sun that had been hanging up high the whole dream began to fall, the frenetic and feverish sex become something more longing and slow, agonizing to witness. 

Something slowly paced, with more kissing and less biting. 

Something that left Yue Qi's heart empty from the meaninglessness of doing such things.

Yet Yue Qi had surrendered to him, feeling too defeated to hide the fact that he enjoyed it.

That he had feelings for Shen Jiu.

And now, on a bed that was soaked with more semen than Yue Qi believed his dick could make in a single day without breaks, Yue Qi rested his head on Shen Jiu's lap, hugging him around the waist. Spreading small kisses across his thighs and legs, but not really wanting to initiate anything, just feeling the warmth and softness of his skin. 

"Still want to go to battle? Don't you think we've done enough already?" joked Shen Jiu with a smile on his lips, stroking Yue Qi’s head and playing with the strands of his hair.

"Not even close," grinned Yue Qi, leaving a kiss on the scar below Shen Jiu’s navel, murmuring against the skin, “I want to enjoy this dream before I wake up.” 

Yue Qi turned to look into Shen Jiu’s smiling green eyes. 

In the light of the candles that the dream itself had lit, Shen Jiu was illuminated in a faint orange glow. His face had been cleaned of the most obscene traces of the dream, leaving only the bruises on Shen Jiu's neck and allowing Shen Qingqiu's beautiful face to be framed by his long black hair. 

And between Shen Jiu's thick eyelashes, a small mole - hidden and easy to miss between them - invited Yue Qi to simply spend his life on Shen Jiu's lap admiring Shen Jiu and his beautiful intelligent eyes.

Ambitious and unmatched. Always thinking of a plan, two steps ahead of his enemy.

"Qi-ge," Shen Jiu called softly, waking Yue Qi from his trance.

"Mn," he replied, content.

"Why didn't you come looking for me?" Shen Jiu asked, closing his eyes as his hands kept fiddling with Yue Qi's hair. 

Yue Qi hummed.

Neither surprised nor shaken by the question.

He merely laid his head lazily on Shen Jiu's thighs.

For Yue Qi had dreamt a thousand and one times how he would tell Shen Jiu the truth. 

Although usually he was dying and not resting on Shen Jiu's thighs —though this was also a good place to die.

“Xuan Su's power is unusually strong, but I never draw it out to fight enemies. You must have guessed the reason why," recited Yue Qi. [4]

Shen Jiu remained quiet. Yue Qi had always imagined that he would make some argument about holding back to avoid confrontation, which was also useful, but not the original reason. 

"Every time I draw Xuan Su, it consumes my life span," Yue Qi said, calmly looking at Shen Jiu, who was staring back at him with an intense gaze and a tense jaw.

"You suffered a qi deviation," Shen Jiu whispered, not as a question, but as a statement of fact.

Yue Qi smiled as his fingers grabbed a lock of Shen Jiu's hair. 

Ah, I was planning to masturbate some more, maybe with his hair, but...it was nice while it lasted.

Dreams didn’t tend to last after this speech.

"I entered the Qiong Ding summit when I was fifteen," he replied slowly. "I had a goal to achieve and I was impatient to achieve it. Pursuing the Way of Unity of Man and Sword [2] failed, and instead, I ended up like this. Completely the opposite of what I wished for, leaving behind great resentment and lifelong remorse."

Yue Qi kissed the lock of hair.

"I'm really sorry," Yue Qi said as usual, because he was always sorry that he didn't go back to save Shen Jiu. "It was obviously so that I could come back faster; I obviously wanted to come back right away and look for you...but instead, I ruined things. You weren't wrong...after all, I'm a very impulsive person. "

Shen Jiu looked at him with big eyes and an indecipherable expression. Yue Qi simply followed along mechanically, without even thinking about what he was saying. Trying not to think about the feelings it provoked in him.

"After that, my Shizun abandoned my entire body and spiritual meridians, and I was locked up in Ling Xi Caves for over a year," Yue Qi laughed at himself. "Everything was a mess and I had to start all over again."

"What happened in the cave?" Shen Jiu said quietly.

'People have fought to the death here? [5]' Shen Jiu said as he looked inside the Ling Xi Caves.

Yue Qi let go of the lock of hair and simply turned to wrap his arms around Shen Jiu's hips again, burying his face in the soft space between Shen Jiu's legs with a happy smile. 

"I called, I shouted, but it was no use," Yue Qi recalled, feeling the ghosts of the wounds in his body, the fear of dying there, but ignoring them. Rushing the words, because Yue Qi knew that it didn't matter what happened but what caused it. That was the only thing that mattered. "For an entire year, they let me go crazy however I wanted in the dark cavern. Nobody was willing to actually listen to what I was begging for; nobody was willing to let me out…" 

I learnt my lesson.

Yue Qi stopped for a second to catch his breath, tightening his grip in Shen Jiu’s hips.

"I used all my energy and effort, but by the time I returned, the Qiu residence had already been destroyed for many days…" he spoke with a bitter taste in his mouth.

Nightmares of the Ling Xi Caves were not uncommon for Yue Qi, but he had learned to live with them as part of the penance for his mistakes and forced himself to sleep in his bedroom in Qiong Ding, as the punishment his Shizun had designed for putting his future in jeopardy. But his memories of the Qiu mansion were bleak.

The remains of the imposing manor where Shen Jiu had died for his faults, for his weakness, for his stupidity, and he had lost the only thing in the world that made sense. 

So he went back to the sect with his Shizun, because he didn't know what else to do.

He had nowhere to go.

He didn't want to live, even though he couldn’t just die, because Shen Jiu gave him this life.

Shizun praised him for finally being filial.

"I really...didn't deliberately not come back," Yue Qi let his chest fill with familiar conflicting feelings —the weight being lifted from reciting this speech, and the guilt weighing down from seeking an excuse for something unforgivable. "The only thing was that it turned out that it's true that the world is very cruel, which made you and I miss each other completely..." 

"Don't speak anymore," Shen Jiu whispered weakly, his eyes damp. A furious look on his face, but his expression cold.

"Let me finish," Yue Qi rasped without much feeling, still between Shen Jiu’s thighs. It was not uncommon for Shen Jiu to interrupt him in his dreams, shutting him up as in reality, but he felt he really wanted to repeat these stupid words. "It was precisely as you always said."

"...'I'm sorry' is nothing but an empty phrase; it's completely useless." Yue Qi stopped hiding his face between Shen Jiu's thighs to look into his wet eyes, full of sentiment, contrasting with Yue Qi's calm ones. This caused Yue Qi to get up and sit down properly in front of the other man, pulling his face out of his lap. "I never explained it either, so today you have to listen to it."  

And for some reason, Yue Qi's voice had begun to tremble, because even if it was just a dream, confessing to this Shen Jiu made all his words weigh heavier than Yue Qi would want to admit. Made him choke on them.

"I don't want to beg for your understanding," he said, bringing one of his hands close to Shen Jiu's face before Shen Jiu caught it midair, preventing it from reaching his cheek. However, he didn’t release it, holding it in a deadly grip. "I don't want to gain your sympathy, but I'm afraid it really will be too late if I don't say it now."

Yue Qi didn't want to force Shen Jiu to love him.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Shen Jiu dug his nails into his hand.

'Yue Qi, remember, while in regular dreams one can feel pleasure and fear, one cannot feel pain and cannot feel how one dies,' said the former Sect Leader while giving him more scrolls to study after his extra training, that the immortal gave him to prepare him as his heir even when Yue Qi didn’t care but still useful to become quickly a cultivator to save Shen Jiu . 'But it is only in the dream realm that one can feel pain and experience one’s death, you must remember it.'

His heart ached and the lump in his throat wouldn't let him breathe.

"What would be the use?" Yue Qi replied. "All your pain is my fault and I can never make up for it; you told me back when we reunited and you couldn't be more right, it's absolutely useless."

Yue Qi saw no point in being forgiven for his mistakes and everything that came with them, it wouldn't change anything. He had failed.

"You entered the Qiu Manor because I tried to rescue Shi Wu, because I believed I had a duty as his elder brother, only for you to rescue me in the process and in the end Shi Wu betrayed you…You spent years in the Qiu Manor because I was an idiot thinking that I could use a forbidden technique to bond with my spirit sword, before breaking my spiritual veins…Gods, the Qiu Manor was rumored to be a hellhole. What did they do to you, Shen Jiu?"

Yue Qi was silent, waiting for Shen Jiu to say something to him even though he knew that whatever Shen Jiu would say, it wouldn’t be the real thing, but it would be something and Yue Qi was starved. But Shen Jiu said nothing. Just looking at him with those tearful but beautiful eyes, betrayed.

Like always.

So he continued.

"I forced you to stay there waiting for me, and you ended up having to set a fire to force your way out, running into that bastard who ruined your cultivation base. Even though you were more talented than me!" Yue Qi gritted his teeth, frustrated. "It's my fault that our brothers look down on you when none of them know your past and everything you went through to get here. I can only say 'Shen-shidi is someone complicated' like a stupid mediator, because I know you don't want me to tell anyone about your past, but neither can I make them like you. It's my fault that you carry the name of that damn family that mistreated you for years because I convinced you to enter Cang Qiong...!"

Yue Qi shook off Shen Jiu's grip and held Shen Jiu's hand.

A bitter taste formed in his mouth as he remembered when his Shizun, who had allowed Shen Jiu to enter Cang Qiong Mountain and gave him a chance when no one else would, smiled as Yue Qingyuan unsheathed Xuan Su for the first time. 

Proud, as if Yue Qingyuan had to thank him. Even after he locked him up in the Ling Xi Caves letting him go crazy in them and kept expecting Yue Qingyuan to be his head disciple.

Next to him, the former Qing Jing peak lord lazily fanned himself, sure to have secured a weapon for Cang Qiong Mountain in only one movement.

"The fact that you resent me is my fault," Yue Qi looked straight into Shen Jiu's green eyes, bright with tears, as he frowned. "The fact that I see you turning into someone who resembles those who insulted us and trampled all over our lives, when I was your elder brother? When you were someone who was just trying to survive in this cruel world, when I should have saved you from that, when you were supposed to escape it, when I was the one who was supposed to take care of you...like you always did for me since the day we met."

He hated it.

"And I don't know how to help you," Yue Qi looked up, his hands gripping Shen Jiu’s, tightly. "I've told you I will, but you tell me to stay out of it, and when I question you, you tell me to leave. And what right do I have to deny you? But at the same time, I can't help but repeat myself. How can I leave you when you think you're most alone? I'll cover it all up if I have to, I'll lead the sect to destruction, I'll give my life to repay you and will suffer your fate with you."

Yue Qi turned his gaze back to Shen Jiu, vexation burning in his heart, who stared at him with an indecipherable expression.

And Yue Qi felt guilty.

Because Shen Jiu would feel upset for what he couldn’t change and what was Yue Qi’s fault, not his own. And Shen Jiu was poor at handling failure, worse when it came to the loyalty he promised to Yue Qi.

So he forced himself to smile. 

"I deserve your hatred Shen Jiu," Yue Qi didn't deserve the caresses or the laughter of these dreams, even if he was dying for them. "I have hurt you and no matter what I do, I will never be worthy of you or your forgiveness..."

Yue Qi kissed Shen Jiu’s wrists. “Even if it's what I want the most...for I broke my promise and I can never undo the harm I have caused you..." 

So Yue Qi focused on giving Shen Jiu everything to make him happy in Qing Jing; clothing, food, disciples, gifts, power...to repay what he could never repay and what Qi-ge could never give him. 

For breaking his promise to save him from the Qiu Mansion, his promise to be his brother.

For turning him into Shen Qingqiu.

"How could I have the nerve to tell you?" Yue Qi said seriously. “I am not entitled to anything.”

The candles in the room had died, leaving the room in darkness, illuminated only by the moonlight coming through the paper doors. 

"If you want me out of your life, I will accept it," Yue Qi's voice trembled, the lump in his throat reappearing. Shen Jiu didn’t look at him. Like always. “If you want me to leave, I will do it. Just tell me with sincerity.”

"If you wish to take my life from me, it would be my greatest honour," Yue Qi smiled.

Silence fell in the room. 

But Yue Qi didn't need an answer.

I need it, I don't deserve it.

He just needed Shen Jiu to be happy, with him or without him.

...But if I could pray to the heavens, I would do it by his side.

"You made me think you had abandoned me," Shen Jiu whispered with his head bowed, endless black strands covering his white face. 

Shen Jiu raised his head, the moonlight illuminating his expression of fury and the tears cascading down his cheeks. The image of a naked and betrayed Shen Jiu made the lump in Yue Qi's throat become unbearable. 

"That you had betrayed me and then...ignored me, like...you couldn’t trust me anymore," Shen Jiu's voice rose in volume, accusingly. “As if I was going to hurt you, as if you could no longer confide in me,”

Yue Qi remained silent, accepting it.

It was fine.

"I could live in abject misery if I knew that Qi-ge loved me, that I deserved his loyalty, that it meant there was still a way to save me." 

Shen Jiu threw himself on top of Yue Qi. 

Yue Qi followed Shen Jiu's movements, allowing himself to be pushed onto the bed.

Shen Jiu sat on top of Yue Qi's hips and put his hands on Yue Qi's chest. 

Yue Qi stopped himself from moving Shen Jiu’s hands, feeling the shame crawl under his skin.

"You ignored me, you would give me everything but you never spoke to me sincerely."

Shen Jiu's hands closed loosely around Yue Qi's throat.

Yue Qi did not move.

"Whenever I asked you...! When we met again, when we were disciples and in the Ling Xi Caves...[6]!" cried Shen Jiu angrily as he began to choke Yue Qi. His poor, hurt Xiao Jiu. "You told me 'Nothing'! That 'nothing' was wrong with you! And why didn't you tell me? Why, did you think I'd live happier by hating you, or...! Why the hell did you go inside if you were so scared? Why the hell won't you stop lying to me?"

"I’m sorr–" Yue Qi tried to say, but the hands on his neck choked him, interrupting him.

"I should just leave you and go find happiness in the world far away from this shitty Sect!" Shen Jiu shouted furiously. Yue Qi grabbed Shen Jiu's wrists but did not try to move them away, almost caressing them. "You have all my loyalty and this is how you treat me! Always saying I'm your Xiao Jiu, as if you really care about me, when you only treat me like a child you have to put up with, and lie when you claim to protect me...running away from me when I want you around the most! Running away from me when what you want the most is to be by my side!"

"Breaking your promises to me! Always believing in others before me!" Yue Qi didn't take his gaze off Shen Jiu's furious but sorrowful eyes. "It's not fair that fate separated you from me! It's not fair that you let it! It's not fair that I love you but you insist on dying with all your fucking feelings bottled up inside! And you wouldn't hesitate to do it!" Shen Jiu hiccupped. "I should dismember you! See if you can run like that from me!"

Yue Qi laughed, wholeheartedly.

Because it felt good. Shen Jiu caring about him like this in his dreams, still being the only person who would try to save him.

Shen Jiu hated him.

And still...

"Do it!" Yue Qi laughed loudly, not a single tear in his eyes, "I love you Xiao Jiu! Shen Jiu! Shen Qingqiu! Whoever the hell you are or want to be! I love you from the deepest part of my being! My life belongs to you! Kill me if you want! As long as you're happy, I'll give you everything!"

And even when Yue Qi had already won Longyou, he still wanted to capture Xishu. [7]

And Yue Qi tried to restrain himself because it was wrong, even when it felt good. 

Shen Jiu deserved better.

But his greed knew no end and he loved him.

Even when he didn’t know how.

He loved the man above him.

Even when it was all just an illusion that he had conjured from longing to try and sate his hunger from looking at the real one.

How can I be a little less myself to be a little better for you?

Shen Jiu hiccuped, crying harder and with teeth clenched in rage. His hands weren't even squeezing Yue Qi’s neck, just holding him against the mattress.

"Idiot! Imbecile! Cheater!" Shen Jiu let go of Yue Qi's neck, covering his own face with his hands. "Unfaithful! Liar! Traitor!" 

He pushed his hair out of his face, clearly revealing his fine features as he cried and hiccuped.

“Yue Qi, you are just trash!”

Yue Qi hugged Shen Jiu and rolled them across the bed onto the floor, as Yue Qi laughed.

"I am!" Yue Qi nearly sang, joyful when Shen Jiu called him Yue Qi. 

Not Yue Qingyuan.

Even if it was a dream.

"Do you suffer every day for all the harm you've done to me? Then I’ll decide how you must suffer!"

"I will gladly take whatever Xiao Jiu chooses for me!"

"I'll never part with you! I'll take back everything! You'll live your life by my side, pleasuring me until I forgive you for everything you've done to me!"

"I will," Yue Qi laughed.

"I forbid you to lie to me! Never again!" ordered Shen Jiu.

"I promise," Yue Qi kissed Shen Jiu's wet cheeks.

"Until fate snatches you from my arms!"

"I will follow you into the next life," Yue Qi laughed under Shen Jiu.

Shen Jiu laughed as he cried and kissed him.

Yue Qi awoke from his slumber in his private room at Qiong Ding peak, perfectly dressed in his robes and sleeping trousers. The cold night on top of the mountain peak was drifting in through the open window, and the white moon rose high, watching over the man's sleep.

Yue Qi examined his trousers.

He sighed as he saw the semen staining them.

Knowing that going back to sleep and trying to re-enter the dream would be futile, and that there were only two hours left before his real waking time, Yue Qi decided to go wash himself in the private bathroom connected to his quarters.

And so, some sticks of incense later, Yue Qi was soaking in the bathtub with cold water, after scrubbing his body until his skin turned red and hanging his clothes out to dry, embarrassed that even at his age he had to wash his trousers because of a wet dream incident.

Enjoying the cool water against his skin, his mind recalled the vivid dream he had experienced that night. Thinking of everything and nothing at the same time as he stared at the opposite wall, the stone carved with the symbols of Cang Qiong Mountain. An imposing reminder of the duty he had chosen to carry.

But Yue Qi wondered to himself if maybe....

Just maybe if he…

‘Don’t call me that!’

Pushing his hair back with the water, Yue Qi shook off selfish desires.

"You're crazy, Yue Qingyuan," the Sect Leader of Cang Qiong snorted inside the empty room.

"Madam Meiyin is leaving already? Won't she say her goodbyes to Shen-gongzi?" asked one of the workers holding a pipa, speaking to the elegant woman who was putting on her furs and gathering her things. "...After hours of nagging him about his future?"

"Oh, relax my dear, I've already said goodbye to him," winked the demoness. "And it was more than enough. It's been a long time since I interfered in someone's destiny, though...I just set the scene and your boy did the rest..."

"Shen-gongzi is an excellent man," said the woman cheerfully as she tuned her pipa.

Yue Qingyuan had gone to visit Shen Qingqiu, curiously enough at Shen Qingqiu’s request. Seven days after his return from his diplomatic mission and after he had delivered his report to Qiong Ding through a third party. 

So Yue Qingyuan headed for Qing Jing Peak.

The idyllic image of a dream surrounded him, the bamboo forest green and lush thanks to the climate of Qing Jing Peak. The canopy of bamboo leaves only revealed patches of sky when moved by the gentle breeze, dressing the sun's rays in green. Yue Qingyuan could even smell the clean air of Qing Jing Peak; mud, wood, and dew. 

Amidst the scenery, Yue Qingyuan followed the stone path that divided the bamboo forest, until finally he caught a glimpse of a familiar building. A modest hut surrounded by bamboo stood in a clearing, with whitewashed wood and sliding doors. Elegant but sober.

Yue Qingyuan approached it to knock on the door and ask permission to enter, and upon receiving no answer, he walked around the side. On his way to the backyard he heard a song.

Gao Shan Liu Shui.

His beginning.