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Mortis post meridiem

Summary:

The night before, Venti and Kaeya were still celebrating loudly in his tavern.
Diluc was serving his customers as usual. Everything was fine.

There was singing. Dancing. Drinking.
It was fine.

It was familiar.

Diluc stared at the dull green glass of the bottle he was holding. His mind was already wandering again.

„Another Death After Noon, please!“

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

The day Crepus Ragnvindr died, something inside of Diluc broke. Now, he has to live with the consequences every year, again and again. This year, the past comes back to haunt him even more vividly than before.

Notes:

Hi!
Second Fanfiction ever, let‘s goooo!!! Wohooo!

This is a lot of my own fantasy of how the characters could act and very little canon.
Also, this isn‘t a Kaeluc ship fic, but I just think Diluc deserves hugs. Lots of them. And definitely like 50% from Kaeya. So. Yeah.
(Kaeya definitely deserves hugs from Diluc as well. Two birds with one stone.)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Mortis post meridiem…

Chapter Text

The night before, Venti and Kaeya were still celebrating loudly in his tavern.
Diluc was serving his customers as usual. Everything was fine.

There was singing. Dancing. Drinking.
It was fine.

It was familiar.

Diluc stared at the dull green glass of the bottle he was holding. His mind was already wandering again.

„Another Death After Noon, please!“

Even if his ears felt like they were filled with cotton, he must somehow have registered this person’s request. His hands worked to produce the drink.

 

Diluc saw the the door open and close. He looked at his hands. The drink was long handed out. He didn‘t even remember how long ago that had happened, never mind who ordered it.

Everything felt so very distant-

It must be another one of his bad days.

Diluc wasn‘t stupid. He knew why he felt like he was swimming away, why hardly anything filtered into his brain, why staying concentrated and conscious felt like an impossible task.

Tomorrow was the anniversary of his fathers death.

Every year, without fail, Diluc felt something wrong around this time.
Last year, he nearly burned Kaeya‘s hair out of irrational anger for a harmless joke.
The year before, the sight of Fischl‘s dark purple vision nearly set off a panic attack because it looked like a Delusion in the fading light of day.

Fear. Anger. Panic. Anxiety. Sadness. And it always started with this detachment of reality. Tomorrow, it would come crashing onto him. He had to remember to stay away from people.

Diluc sighed and looked around. Forced himself to actually take in what his eyes were seeing.

Two more tables full, Kaeya and Sister Rosaria still in front of him.
Venti was gone. Huh. When had that happened?

Diluc looked back at his hands. Another empty glass, almost completely polished.

 

When he looked back up, the tavern was nearly empty. Kaeya was staring at him. Rosaria was gone.

Hm.
How long had Kaeya been watching him?

„So, you‘ve noticed that it‘s time to close?“, Kaeya asked.
It took a moment for Diluc to decipher the words. His brain moved liked sirup.

He opened his mouth, closed it again.

Yes. Say yes. Just answer his question.

 

A snap right in front of his eyes startled him. He jumped back in shock, his back hitting the shelves behind him.
The glasses rattled a bit, making high and sharp sounds.

…Diluc almost got lost in it.

But the dull pain in his back forced him to stay present for a moment longer.

„Diluc?!“

Right. Kaeya was still here.

„Yes?“, he sighed. Looked up.
Kaeya was standing up, a hand braced on the counter to lean forwards enough to reach Diluc‘s face. The fingers that had snapped so close to his face were now reaching towards him, as if to steady him.

„Are you alright?!“, there was none of the usual humor or quip in his voice. He looked sincerely distraught.

„…Why shouldn‘t I be?“

Kaeya slowly lowered his hand, his attention staying on Diluc completly. He watched him without masking his worry in the least. It was… startling.

„I asked you something and you just… shut down for like three minutes. Didn‘t even react when I called your name“, Kaeya mumbled.

„Did you sleep last night?“

Diluc hesitated. He had not, in fact, slept last night, but one sleepless night would never render him so…

 

„Diluc?!“, Kaeya urged him, his stare getting even more intense.

„I didn‘t“, Diluc growls.

„Maybe you should“, Kaeya said. He stood up straight again and walked around the counter.

„This isn‘t because of some lack of sleep“, Diluc murmured.
Kaeya opened his mouth, and he pressed on „and I won‘t tell you what it is for sure.“

When Kaeya scowled at him, clearly not satisfied, Diluc said quietly: „Please just leave it be.“

Kaeya‘s eyes widened a bit, and he nodded. Diluc‘s voice had come out almost pleading and he nearly added a biting remark to make up for this moment of vulnerability.

„I‘m going home“, he said instead, straightening his shoulder‘s and glaring half-heartedly at Kaeya. If he even dared to offer to walk him there…

„Good“, Kaeya just smirked, „get home safe. And maybe sleep a bit.“

Diluc just snorted. „Sure.“

 

It only occured to him afterwards that the fog around his mind had lifted considerably during his talk with Kaeya.

 

——————————————————————————————————————————

 

 

In the morning, the feeling came back full force. He didn’t even remember when he got out of bed or how exactly he got himself in the Headquarters of the Knights of Favonius.
He didn‘t even know what he wanted here.

„Eh… Master Diluc? What brings you here?“, a female voice asked.

With ridicoulus effort Diluc dragged himself to the surface of his mind to see a puzzled Jean standing in front of him.

„Ah… I…“

What did he want here? Half of his mind reminded of how much better he felt after talking to Kaeya, but he would not, he would not come crawling back to his once-brother just so he could make him feel human again. That may have worked yesterday because Kaeya had caught him off guard. But not again - not to mention that Kaeya would laugh at him and then send him home because he had better things to worry about than Diluc‘s stupidity and inability to move on from the past…

„Master Diluc?“

Oh. He had spaced out for a solid two minutes now.

„Apologies“, Diluc begrudgingly decided to settle for the truth since his brain was not able to work fast enough for a lie, „I was half asleep and didn‘t realize where I was walking to.“

Jean clearly had not expected that answer. She eyed him with suspicion, and when she found no lie in his eyes, with worry.

„Okay - can we help you, then-„

„Grand Master!! It‘s an emergency!!“

A body shoved itself past Diluc, nearly making him fall to the ground if not for a gentle arm around his waist.

Diluc bristled at the touch and whirled around, ready to snarl in someone‘s face, when-

„You-! Ah… Kaeya.“

„Well, a wonderful morning to you too, Master Diluc“, Kaeya smirked, still not letting go of his waist.

„Let go, and maybe I‘ll greet you properly“, Diluc hissed, still trying to get out of Kaeya‘s grip. For some goddamn reason, he couldn‘t- why, when he was a lot stronger than Kaeya when it came to pure physical strength, but now, he couldn‘t even make him let go-

„Diluc, maybe I would if I wasn‘t so sure you‘d just collapse“, Kaeya was looking at him with that damned worry again, and Diluc was so sick of it, Jean and Kaeya pitying him for some reason-

The both of them had ignored the messenger that had stormed in, but when Jean raised her voice, slightly panicked, they looked back at the winded knight.

„What do you mean - how many?!“, Jean gasped.

„27 men“, the messenger gasped, „dead!“

Kaeya sucked in a sharp breath (still not letting go of his waist) and stood up straight.

Jean pinched her nose for a second. A sound escaped her, something between keening and sighing. Then, something seemed to snap back into place inside her. „Alright. I‘ll mobilize everyone we have. Try to save as many you can“, she ordered.

The messenger just nodded and was gone the next instant.

„Let go of me now?“, Diluc grumbled after he had to admit that he would not get out of Kaeya‘s grip on his own.

Kaeya did, in fact, let him go, but only very carefully. A hand rested on his shoulder for a second and Diluc snorted without any humour. He was capable of standing on his own, thank you very much.

(He would never admit to how his vision went gray for a second after he was standing on his own legs again.)

„What‘s going on, Jean?“, the Cavalry Captain asked sharply.

„A… beast, for the better lack of word“, Jean sighed. „On the border between Mondstadt and Liyue. Please gather everyone you can. I will inform the citizens and organize the rest. We‘ll meet in one hour“

With that, she turned and stormed off.

 

„Just great“, Kaeya mumbled after a moment of silence.

„Where do we meet?“, Diluc asked quietly.

Kaeya looked back at him with suprise, „We…?“

„Hm? Of course“, Diluc raised an eyebrow, „I may not be a knight anymore but I am still very much partly responsible for Mondstadt‘s safety. It sounds you need every help you can get.“

Kaeya bristled. „No way! Diluc, you‘re-“

„Didn‘t you hear the messenger?“, Diluc cut him off. „27 men dead, Kaeya.“

Kaeya just snorted. „I won‘t have you going anywhere near a fight with how you‘re currently-“

Anger surged within Diluc and he realised with half a mind that it was unreasonable and because of what day it was but still-

„Kaeya, your personal preferences on who you want to take with you are surely less important than the safety of all of Mondstadt? I promise that you will not have to bear my presence for any longer than the fight. Surely, even a Knights of Favonius can handle that?“, he spat.
His voice sounded a lot more unhinged than he wanted it to sound. It felt hateful and so much more vicious than Kaeya deserved-

Diluc turned away abruptly. „I‘ll see you in an hour‘s time“, he growled before he marched off.

 

After storming through the door, he belatedly noticed that he still had no idea where they were gonna be.

 

Ah, well. He would find them.

 

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Jumping over the rooftops, Diluc decided to apologize to Kaeya after the fight was over. He had been too harsh - even for his standards.
For now, he would have to find the meeting spot of the knights… ah, over there. They were as obvious as a bright pink cat strolling through the streets. Talk about low profile…

As silently as possible, Diluc jumped down the side of the house and landed in the grass bordering on it. The group of knights (there were quite a lot of knights, Kaeya and Jean had really pulled all the stops) stood in front of Herta‘s noticeboard.

It would have been bothersome to search for the knights by walking along the streets, so Diluc had simply taken the higher route just as he had done back then…

 

When he had still been an official knight.

When his father was still alive.

 

Jean used to reprimand him for walking along the roofs, claiming it was dangerous for him as well as passengers walking down below.

„What if you slip?!“, Jean had shaken her head. „What if some bricks get loose and fall off? There is no way being a few minutes faster is more important! Diluc, are you listening?!“

He‘d turn away, laughing.

„Diluc?“

He used to say that she was simply jealous because he could sleep longer and still be on time.

„Hey, Diluc!“

He used to tell his father about it and laughed with him. He had been shocked to hear that his father had done the same thing, with the same excuse.

„I guess it‘s my bad influence“, his father would say, bumping Diluc‘s shoulder with his own playfully, „right, Diluc?“

He had only fallen once - Kaeya had been there and had made such a fuss-

„Diluc!!“

A hand on his shoulder startled him back to the present. His head whipped up, nearly headbutting Kaeya hard.

„Hey! Careful, please!“

„Ah- I‘m sorry, did I space out… of course I did“, Diluc sighed.

Kaeya shook his head, frowning deeply. „Well, at least you‘re aware of how creepy you’re acting.“

„Sorry.“

„You apologizing does not make it better.“

Diluc snorted. „I‘m guessing we‘re moving out.“

„Ah, yes, we‘re moving out. You are one hundred percent staying.“ Kaeya held up a hand to stop Diluc who had already opened his mouth to argue. „Diluc. You won‘t talk to me, so I don‘t know what‘s wrong, but we can‘t take someone with us who keeps just… losing touch with reality completely for more than three minutes straight.“

„Kaeya, I‘ll be going with you whether you like it or not. Do you seriously think I‘m some rookie you have to look after? I told you before, you only need to endure me for the fight-“

„This isn‘t about enduring you or whatever-“

„Then quit it“, Diluc cut him off.

Kaeya‘s eye flashed with anger, but unlike Diluc, he was capable of holding his tongue.

„If you end up being a bother on the battlefield, I‘ll leave you there. I have to look after the knights, after all“, Kaeya spat out before he turned.

Diluc smiled sadly when Kaeya vanished behind the next corner. He‘d leave him, huh?

…Hopefully, Kaeya would keep his word.

 

———————————————————————————————————————

 

The knights had no chance.

Diluc had been trailing after them, half out of sight. He did not want to make this worse again. He had wanted to apologize.

And the knights could use someone protect their backside.

The beast had been surprisingly silent, considering its size.

It had broken through the trees suddenly, crushing three knights under its enormous claw.

The moment Diluc had laid eyes on it…

 

Ursa. It looked just like Ursa.

Diluc‘s heart must have halted. The serpent-like creature winded its way through the knights, scattering and wounding them. If Diluc had been able to think clearly, he would have seen that it looked different - the pattern on the scales, the missing wings, the different head shape, the eye colour-

But in Diluc’s mind, the past and present overlapped. The dark green body in front of him turned purple- Ursa had been slightly bigger, and a tad slower-

Fire soared through Diluc‘s veins. This one- this was the beast that had taken everything from him. He would- he would-

He would destroy it.

The serpent turned its piercing gaze towards him, and far off, Diluc heard Kaeya‘s voice call his name. He must still seem frozen, just standing there…

With a hiss, Diluc crouched, summoned his claymore and jumped.

The serpent snapped at him, but missed just barely.

Diluc didn‘t make the same mistake. With an earth-shattering scream, he channeled the full power of his vision into the strike. Flames burst out of his sword and hands, completely engulfing the two enemies. Diluc barely felt the heat.
But the scales were hard and heat-resistent, so all that rage left but a flesh wound in the neck of the - now trashing - dragon-like creature. It twisted, snarling, managed to get a hold of Diluc‘s cape and pulled.

With a curse, Diluc broke the fall and rolled out of the way when a claw stomped in the ground where he had just been.

Standing up, he checked his surroundings. The clash had left a crater in the ground, trees burning around them and breaking off. Along the edge, the knights were standing, luckily unhurt. Diluc had injured enough people on accident because of his rage. No matter how little they meant to him, they were Kaeya‘s and Jean‘s friends.

He would make sure none of them would suffer because of this creature.

Diluc adjusted the grip on his sword and concentrated on the serpent, jowling on the ground. The neck injury must be agonizing, giving how his sword was still slightly glowing with heat. It trashed and struggled to stand up again. Good.

Diluc was about to strike it again so it would stay down, when it pounced with a ear-piercing shriek.

Oh- oh shit, it was fast. Ursa hadn‘t been this fast-

Diluc dived out of the way, but the jaws of the beast still left a deep cut along his thigh.

„You goddamn-“

„Diluc!“

He glanced in the direction of the voice for only a second.

Jean and Kaeya jumped into the crater, the Cavalry Captain instantly slashing at the animal‘s eyes to distract it. Jean hurried over to Diluc. „You alright?“

Diluc was already back on his feet. „I‘m fine“, he growled, his eyes fixed on the deadly dance playing out before him. Kaeya could certainly match the beasts speed, but his sword had nearly no effect on the scales covering its back. He would have to attack the softer spots on the belly, but creating an opening alone-

„Diluc, you have to let me treat your wound! It‘s bleeding too much-“

Diluc cut her off right there. „Jean, I promise to not run away and let you treat me after this is over, but we really don‘t have the time right now.“
He would not let anyone but him end this thing. It owed him too much for that.

With that, he dashed forwards, swinging at the front leg of the serpent. The beast whirled around and Kaeya used the opportunity to aim for its softer neck scales.

Growling and irritated, it swiped its tail in a complete circle.

Diluc tried to block the whirling limb coming his way, but the sharp pain through his injured leg had him hurled to the ground. He couldn‘t see Kaeya, but a soft „Oof!“ from the other side of the scaled body made it clear that they were both down.

A second later, a claw caged Diluc‘s upper body to the ground. His head snapped around, looking directly into a jaw filled with blade-like teeth. His sword- he had to defend himself-

His mind was swimming away, leaving him helpless and frozen, watching in slow motion as the jaw snapped down-
All he could hear was his father‘s voice, telling him to get away while he was fighting Ursa-

 

Pain lanced through his neck and shoulder, hot and cold at the same time. He might have screamed, but Diluc couldn‘t tell.

His vision lashed out in answer to his struggle, flames searing along the scales of the serpent‘s face. He must have hit something sensitive because the teeth in his flesh were ripped out as the beast drew back as quickly as possible.

Diluc cried out weakly as the agony doubled. Warmth spread out along his shoulder, dripping down his neck in a nauseating way. He tried to get up onto his feet, but his arm gave out under him and he fell into the dirt again.

With some effort, he dragged himself to the edge of the crater on his knees and watched the fight from there.

Jean must have shoved the serpent off of him with her wind at the same time with his flames ; they had spread out around them. What little flammable things still around them were now burning merrily, further separating the knights from the three fighters. A branch cracked and fell to the ground next to Diluc.

The knights would have to retreat further so that no one would get hurt. Jean, Kaeya and him were on their own.

The wounds were not as deep as he had feared - the serpent had been shoved off of him before his teeth had left more than some vicious cuts. The wound on his neck was bleeding heavily, but it would not be life-threatening for now.

Diluc had been so slow… why hadn‘t he attacked before the serpent had bitten him?

The images of the past began to flash in front of Diluc‘s eye again - Kaeya in the rain, standing so far away from him, not doing anything… inwardly, Diluc had begged him, to come to him, to save his father, to- to do anything at all…

 

„Diluc!“

Kaeya tried to slip past the serpent to get to Diluc who was still struggling to get up, but the beast kept both Jean and him too busy.

„Con-“, a cough rattled through Diluc, his body protesting against his decision to shout, „Concentrate! I‘m fine!“

You promised to leave me if I become a bother today, he wanted to add. Please, please, don‘t get hurt because you are distracted by me. Leave me behind, I‘m begging you!

Thankfully, Kaeya seemed to understand what he was saying and hacked at the serpent with more intensity than before.

The serpent seemed to bleed from a handful of smaller wounds, but none of the sword wielder‘s hits were powerful enough to actually cut deep into the though skin. The gash that Diluc had left had been cauterized by his flames, so the beast may be in pain, but not getting any weaker because of blood loss.

The animal slashed at Jean, who dodged and twisted out of the way. She stabbed at its shoulder, but the beast shoved her backwards.

Jean stumbled back, nearly losing her sword because of the force from that blow. Her arm flew up and she was completely open. The reptile lunged, jaw wide open. Again, Diluc tried to get to his feet, and this time, he was able to stumble into a standing position, but he was way too far away, he wouldn‘t reach them in time-
Kaeya jumped in, as fast as lightning, and hit the creature‘s neck, steering its snapping jaws off course.
Jean took a few steps out of the dragon‘s reach, panting. The focus of their enemy was now completely on Kaeya.

The Cavalry Captain seemed to dodge every blow with ease and danced around on light feet, but Diluc could see the toll it was taking on his stamina. On unsteady feet, Diluc waited for a moment to barge in, bring his claymore down on the damned thing (so much like Ursa, so much like the beast that had killed his father-) and end this, but Kaeya‘s fighting style made it impossible to find an opening to place his time-consuming finishing blow. Especially in his state, he would need several seconds to concentrate the fire of his vision, and by the time he would have been able to bring his claymore down, Kaeya could have already moved in his line of fire. (And - no. Just no. Not another family member struck down by his blade. No. No matter how badly he wanted to be the one to end this thing.)

So he stood and watched with rapt attention as Kaeya dodged - until he didn‘t.

 

Diluc could pinpoint the exact moment Kaeya‘s legs couldn‘t keep up anymore. Half a second too long in one place. The dragon lunged and all Diluc could see was red, red, his father‘s hair, his blood, the dragon‘s blood, mixing together-
His feet had started moving long ago, but he knew - he knew it wouldn‘t be enough -

The past and the now started to mix together - the dragon lunged, again and again before Diluc‘s eyes, his father dodged - another strike, Kaeya jumped out of the way just in the nick of time. Diluc ran and ran - but still - the blood flows, the ground shakes, it has to be, it has to - the dragon - it was still the same second -

 

A sharp pain ripped the panic and fog around Diluc‘s mind away. An eerie calm settled instead - but something…

Diluc‘s eyes snapped up when he heard a stuttering gasp. Kaeya. His eyes were impossibly wide, and his mouth stood slightly open.

What…?, Diluc tried to ask, but all that came out was a wet cough. That - as his body shook from the cough, pain flared through his stomach. A (embarrassing, if he had the mind to care) whine clawed its way out of his throat as his knees buckled.

“Diluc!!“ Kaeya‘s voice sliced through his ears. A heartbeat lather, arms wrapped around his shoulders and saved him from falling on his face.

Another cough rattled through him, amplifying the pain into agony. Dear Barbatos - it felt like he was being torn into with a searing hot blade. A pained sound escaped him.

„Diluc…“, Kaeya‘s voice sounded like he was close to tears. That… couldn‘t be right.

His face was pressed into the surprisingly soft fur along Kaeya‘s shoulders. It occurred to Diluc that he had never touched it before. When Kaeya had started wearing it, he always wondered what it felt like, and many knights took the opportunity to bury their hands in it. But Diluc wasn‘t close enough to Kaeya - literally - to jokingly weave his hands through the soft fabric like so many knights had done. A hand on his cheek brought him back to the now.

With ridiculous effort Diluc lifted his head. His eyes felt so heavy… but when they landed on Kaeya‘s face, they widened.

He was crying.

His brother - his little brother was crying. Why? Tears ran down out his impossibly wide eye.

But… he had promised to leave him behind…

„Why?“, Kaeya whispered.

Ah. So Diluc had taken the hit for Kaeya. He could have sworn he had been too late. He lifted a hand to where the fire in his skin burned the brightest. It felt wet and too warm. The dragon‘s claw must have burned itself in his chest… pierced his lungs, judging from how hard it felt to breathe.

„Hn…“, Diluc tried to speak, but his voice failed him again. He had to say this, though. He still had to apologize… for earlier, anyway.

„I… couldn‘t lose… another part of my family to this… this…“, he rasped, before the next coughing fit took his voice again. Red stained his glove when he could breathe again.

If he had been in his right mind, he would have gone beet-red from how corny this was. But it was nothing but the truth. Kaeya was all that was left, and if he lost him as well…

Kaeya cradled his head to his shoulder and rocked him slightly until his breathing evened out.
„Sh… it‘s gonna be alright“, his little brother choked out.

„Mhm…“, Diluc nuzzled into the fur, mind gone completely. Since his father‘s death, no one had hugged him like this. Hugged him at all. It felt surprisingly nice.

Cold started to creep through his clothes. The only heat resided in the wounds on his neck, chest and thigh. His eyes dropped and shut. Like this… it would be fine. He didn‘t mind if it ended here, in the embrace of someone he had thought lost.

In the distance, the dragon roared. Kaeya seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, but Diluc couldn‘t feel the majority of his body anyway. Everything tuned out slowly…

„Diluc? Hey, firefly, look, we won - Diluc? Hey, hey! Stay awake!“

Kaeya was calling - his old nickname, firefly, what his father used to call him and Kaeya always made fun of… but it swam through his ears without actually being understood. His eyes stayed closed. An insistent touch along his cheek kept what was left of his consciousness here.

Diluc thought that maybe he felt the ground shake with footsteps, but he couldn‘t say for sure. The only thing that felt real was the rough fabric on the side of his face, still gently swiping along his cheek.

„Master Diluc!“

„We need to heal him - Jean! Please, help him, he‘s bleeding out!“

„He‘s already getting cold …- do we have… -thing to keep him warm?!“

„Mast… luc!“

„…on, firefly, try… eyes, okay?“

„…his pulse… church…!“

„Firefly, please, stay… not you too…“

 

Diluc forgot everything.

 

 

 

It was… cold.

 

It was… warm.

Chapter 2: …or you could just say „Death after Noon“

Summary:

The aftermath.

Notes:

Hah! I was quick, wasn‘t I? Told you there was gonna be a second chapter!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Diluc woke up. It happened abruptly; the moment his eyes opened, the memories slammed into him like a brick wall.

He gasped as he tried to take in his surroundings. The dragon - Jean - Kaeya - the blood - the knights - the ceiling - white - it was too soft - the blanket was suffocating-

„Master Diluc?!“

He threw the fabric off, stumbling to his feet - off, away, he had to get away - his father‘s voice was still ringing in his ears -
Soft hands on his shoulders, a voice, he didn‘t recognize it - it wasn‘t - it didn‘t belong to - he had to get away-

„Get - get someone - my sister or - or Mister Kaeya-“

Kaeya. Kaeya- Kaeya with blood on his shirt - Kaeya crying - Kaeya telling him about his roots - his treason -

His hand grabbed something cold - metallic - a door opened -

„Stop!!“

His foot missed a step and he fell - the pain he had been ignoring until now stabbed through his body - his head hit an edge and for a second - minute - heartbeat - his vision blacked out -

Then his feet found ground and he ran - cold air burned in his lungs, or maybe his lungs burned because there was no air in them-

With sudden clarity, a thought - „I need to breathe“, numb surprise -

His feet hit air again, and he fell - hard -

 

This time, he stayed down. He had to breathe. Face in the grass. Calmly now.

In.
Out.

In.

Out.

 

In.

 

 

Out.

 

His body gently reminded him that it still existed. And finally, his mind cleared enough to make him understand that he had taken the dragon‘s claw to the stomach. Still panting, he touched where he suspected the wound to be - his whole body burned, he couldn‘t tell where the actual wound was just from the pain.

It had, of course, bust open. He would have to apologize later, to Barbara - for his escape as well. In his panic, he had just bullied past her (if that voice had been her, Diluc did not trust his mind right now)… hopefully he hadn‘t hurt her.

Diluc closed his eyes. His heart was still beating too fast and the panic had exhausted him.

Argh, he had to go and apologize… sleeping here would certainly not do his health any good…
Still - For a minute, Diluc relished in the feeling of a clear mind - well, as clear as the circumstances allowed.
The fog that had been blocking his thoughts had finally lifted. And although his body groaned in agony, it meant that he was alive - blissfully, wonderfully alive.
(In the days past, dark thoughts had chased him - would anyone even miss him? What did he have left if even Jean and Kaeya didn‘t want him by their side… But now, he thrived in the moist feeling of the grass beneath him, the steady breeze caressing his skin…)
He could talk to Kaeya again - tell him he was sorry, that he had meant it when he had called him family, that he had been wrong to chase him away, to hurt him, he should‘ve listened and maybe headbutted him for carrying the burden for so long, alone - for having such terrible timing…

 

„Diluc!“, a desperate voice cut through his daze.

A second later, hands grabbed him roughly and flipped his body on his back.

Owlishly, Diluc blinked up at-

Kaeya.

Well. Speak - or think - of the devil.

„Diluc - are you - are you alright?!“ Kaeya looked at him with wide fearful eyes. They seemed to gleam with the little light that fell on them (Moonlight, Diluc realized. It was night, that explained the crispness of the air and dampness of the grass that had started to filter into his bran in the last minutes.)

Diluc tried to answer, but his voice failed him. All that came out was a miserable, hoarse sound.

Kaeya looked like he was going to faint.

„Are you in pain?! Stupid question - can you breathe? Did the wound open?!“, he looked Diluc up and down in panic, rambling while his hands hovered over Diluc‘s body, „oh shit, it did, do you have anything to stop the bleeding with? Wait, I got my coat-“

Diluc couldn‘t help himself - he started to laugh. At first, it was a faint snort, but soon, he had to cover his mouth with a bloody hand to stop the - completely inappropriate - giggles. His voice was still as hoarse as before and his laugh sounded more like knocking stones across a riverbank. Not to mention how the stomach and neck wound burned with the strain.

Kaeya still looked like he was going to faint. Maybe even more now.

„Ahahaha… why are we laughing?! Diluc, please, did you hit your head, you‘re aggravating your wounds - Diluc, what‘s-“

„I‘ve never seen you so worked up before“, Diluc managed to grate out.

Kaeya blinked as his brother calmed down a bit.

„…What?“

„Sorry, it‘s propably the blood loss and exhaustion talking“, Diluc let his hand fall onto his chest, dirtying his already bloody clothes further.

„Please stop apologizing so frequently. It‘s freaking me out“, Kaeya mumbled, still wide-eyed and frowning.

„I‘m not kidding though. I hardly ever see you so jumpy about anything“, he mumbled. This was exhausting. But if he were to fall asleep now, Kaeya would surely break down completely.

„I - you -“, Kaeya looked as if Diluc had just declared he would turn into a flamingo by tomorrow, fly away and settle down in Shneznaya. „Jumpy? Jumpy?! Diluc!“

Kaeya grabbed the front of Diluc‘s once-white shirt and pulled lightly, even now being careful not to hurt him further. „You go and - and do something so! Very! Stupid! And then you‘re out for five - no, six by now! - days, then wake up in the middle of the night, give Barbara a heart attack, then run away when you‘re in no state to even be moving, then decide to take a nap on the lawn of the Adventurer‘s Guild looking like a corpse and then tell me I‘m jumpy?!

Diluc blinked. „Six days?“, he grated. Dear Barbatos, his voice…

„Huh? Yes, six days… wait-“, Kaeya threw his hands into the air, letting go of Diluc‘s shirt, „that‘s what you took away from all that I just said?!“
Shaking his head, he looked down at Diluc who couldn‘t help grin back up. Kaeya snorted.
„You insufferable idiot.“

„Mhm“, Diluc mumbled. „Should‘ve left me where I was.“

That sobered Kaeya up instantly. „Don‘t even joke about it, Diluc.“ he stared at the redhead that was now sleepily watching him from the ground. „Idiot.“

„You‘ve mentioned it before.“

„And I‘ll mention it again, asshole. I thought you were dead for sure.“

„You did promise to leave me behind should I become a bother…“

„Diluc, quit it. It‘s not funny“, Kaeya snapped.

„I‘m not saying it to be funny.“ Diluc forced himself to open his eyes and look at Kaeya properly. „I mean it. I did become a bother. I endangered you all. And-“, he help up a hand when Kaeya clearly wanted to cut him off, „I‘m sorry.“

Kaeya just shook his head silently.

But Diluc had to get everything out now. „I‘m sorry for yelling at you yesterday… or - no, seven days ago then…? Anyway, when we were talking about whether I should come along. I didn‘t mean it… later, too.“
He sighed and closed his eyes, not wanting to see Kaeya‘s reaction. „However… I did mean what I said during the fight. You are family, and I couldn‘t bear to lose you as well. I wouldn‘t what I‘d do if you died there. And… I regret deeply what I did when Father died-“

„Stop, please“, Kaeya cut him off harshly.

Confused, Diluc opened his eyes and turned to watch Kaeya. His brother stared into the dark, face tight and frowning.
Diluc‘s stomach clenched. Had he said something stupid? What was it that had offended Kaeya?

„I- Kaeya, I‘m sorry-“

Stop!“, Kaeya hissed, now turning his burning gaze towards Diluc.

Lost, Diluc tried to get up. This wasn‘t a conversation he wanted to have while laying on the ground and-

Ah, shit. His body had other plans. His hand flew to the wound on his stomach and with a pained whine, he let himself fall back to the ground. Ow, ow, ow, his shoulder…

„Don‘t- please just stay down, Diluc-“

„It - It‘s fine“, he panted, „sorry. You wanted to say something.“

„It can wait until you‘re back at the cathedral. All your wounds are open now.“

Diluc swatted Kaeya‘s hands reaching for him away. „No. I won‘t move until you talk. This is overdue.“

„The plan was to move you anyway, not to have you move, idiot“, Kaeya murmured, a little calmer.

„I‘m sorry, I didn‘t mean to-“

„Okay, if you apologize one more time, I will personally make sure you have to endure a four-hour tirade from Jean about working with a team and not jumping into an attack!“

„Sor- eh… right.“

„Listen. Diluc, what happened all those years ago was not just your fault. I‘m just as much to blame as you. Your father had just died and I betrayed you-“

„Let me stop you right there“, Diluc forced himself up, ignoring his body screaming at him to stay down. And Kaeya as well, who was pushing at his good shoulder with a pained face.

„How is any of this your fault?! I was the one who chased you away-“

„After I told you I had betrayed you-“

„Which you didn‘t, in the end you just told me there was the possibility you had, and you didn‘t-“

„Your father could have been targeted because of me-“

„How, did Ursa have something against you?! Quit it! You told me who you were and I was irrational and too angry to listen-“

„You were grieving over the death of your father!“, Kaeya yelled. „And I confronted you with my problems because I was selfish! I‘m not saying you handled it with brilliance, and I was horribly hurt by the way you kicked me out, but it wasn‘t your goddamn fault!

Diluc opened and closed his mouth. After a moment of silence, he looked down at his feet, frowning. „I don‘t see how my emotional state relieves me of my responsibility for my actions that night.“

 

„So we can agree that you‘ve both been massive idiots, and apparently, still are?!“

The two brothers whipped around, searching for the source and finding a very angry Jean.

Still in her nightclothes (a Baron Bunny jacket which was obviously stolen from Amber and a white-blue nightgown) and with braided hair. Barbara must have waken her up form what little sleep she got.
Jean jumped down the wall - that Diluc had so ungraciously stumbled over - and landed on the grass - on both feet, mind you.

Then, she fixed a glare that could make a Abyss Herald run in fear and stomped over to them.

Diluc and Kaeya both gulped after sharing a nervous look.

„Diluc.“

Wincing, the addressed brother looked up to where she was looming over him.

„Better get your ass up to the cathedral and healed before I‘m back with Kaeya.“

„Sure-“

„Jean, he can‘t walk up those stairs after he already ripped open his- I mean, eh…“, Kaeya stopped talking as Jean switched from glaring at Diluc to him.

Hells gate must have opened in front of Diluc‘s eyes with how much he was sweating from fear.

„So. You‘ve managed to wake up from your coma for half an hour and immediately open up all the wounds all the healers in Mondstadt had trouble closing in time“, Jean growled lowly, slowly turning back to Diluc. „Did I get that right?“

Kaeya offered him an apologetic look.

„I… ah- to be fair, Kaeya did already scold me for that…“, Diluc mumbled, looking anywhere but Jean‘s face.

„Good“, she hissed. „Maybe if you hear it often enough, you‘ll actually start bearing the consequences of your actions.“

Diluc wanted to sink into the ground. He had never wanted to become so troublesome for Jean - and Barbara, who had never done anything to him.

 

Suddenly, a pair of arms closed around his shoulders and Diluc stiffened. A braid of golden hair was the only thing he could see and he almost panicked when he heard a stifled sob.

„You absolute, humongous, complete, huge idiot!“, Jean yelled into his shoulder.

Completly overwhelmed, Diluc tried to glance past his crying friend to Kaeya.

The bastard was just silently laughing at his misery. Diluc mouthed asshole in his direction, then tried to awkwardly pat Jean‘s back to calm her down.

„Idiot! You hear me? You‘re an idiot!“, she sobbed, a little quieter.

„I am“, Diluc nodded, laughing lightly, „and I‘m sorry for that.“

Jean pushed him back by his shoulders roughly - he had to suppress a wince as she accidentally grabbed his wound - and glared at him.

„Don‘t. Ever. Scare me like that again. Got that?!“

„I‘ll try my best-“

Jean headbutted him hard. Diluc fell back into the grass with a little „Oomph!“, too shocked to stop it.

„No!“, Jean shoved herself into his field of vision as he blinked up at the starry sky, dumbfounded, „I‘m not taking a I‘ll try from you! You are going without any injury for the next three weeks! Minimum! I‘m setting Kaeya on you!!“, she broke off to take a breath, „If he doesn‘t report even the smallest papercut or bruised knee, I‘m firing him!! And then he‘ll have to annoy until you beg me to occupy him somehow!“

„Who are you even threatening right now?“, Kaeya squealed from the side.

„Both of you!!“

With an angry huff, Jean moved back enough to let Diluc sit up. Then, she held a hand to her forehead. „Ow“, she said quietly. „Your forehead is too hard.“

„…sorry…?“, Diluc mumbled, still too busy processing what just happened.

 

…and, to be honest, he was starting to feel really woozy. Black spots had sneaked into the corner of his vision and Diluc feared it wasn‘t the impact of Jean‘s forehead on his that had started it.

Kaeya had started bickering to Jean how he shouldn‘t be punished because Diluc had been so stupid, however, he shut up quickly when Jean promised him that he was already in trouble with her anyway. Half of Diluc‘s mind was laughing at how brother-like Kaeya was acting and how good it felt, the other was just busy calculating the pro and cons of passing out now without telling either of the two before him.

Kaeya took the choice from him as he looked over in a „You say something too“-way.

„Come on, you have to see this isn‘t fair- whoah, Diluc, you alright?“

„Mmph“, Diluc blinked several times to make sure the earth beneath him stayed vertical.

Jean was by his side in an instant, looking way too worried for his liking. „You‘re as white as a sheet…!“

„Which is usually the case as well, but I didn‘t think you could get any paler“, Kaeya added. He appeared somewhere to Diluc‘s left… or right, maybe. Somewhere over there.

„I thin‘… ‘m prob‘ly faintin‘ in a s‘cond“, Diluc mumbled. Again, he blinked and frowned. Wow, he sounded like he had just emptied an entire barrel of his finest wine by himself.

A sharp intake of breath somewhere next to his ears, then hands on him. „Right. I had forgotten you‘re still bleeding everywhere“, Kaeya said, his voice tense.

„Pl‘se don‘ freak out“, he slurred, staring at the ground in concentration. No passing out, Diluc. Nu-uh.

A second later, that ground tilted abruptly, and two voices yelled his name. Well. This was working splendidly.

A tanned hand in leather gloves on his cheek, just like before. „You still with us, ‘Luc?“ There was a note of panic in Kaeya‘s voice Diluc did not appreciate at all.

„…tol‘ you… not t‘… freak out…“

Then, he was out like a light.

———————————————————————————————————————————

He woke up in the middle of the day this time.

Sluggishly, he blinked up at the ceiling. Still white, but it didn‘t seem as unbearable as earlier. And the blanket felt nice, actually.

Someone on the other end of the room squeaked. Confused, Diluc turned his head- ow, his neck.

„M- Master Diluc?“, Barbara stepped closer quickly. „Please don‘t run off again…“

„…Nn … ‘m not plannin‘ to…“, he mumbled, his eyes already slipping shut again.

„…how long w‘s I… out f‘r?“

„Maybe half a day“, Barbara said, still watching him cautiously. „Long enough for my sister to get grey hair, anyway.“

Diluc shut his eyes thightly. Oooh, he was still in trouble with Jean. And Kaeya, probably. Their talk had been interrupted by the Grand Master, but neither were finished with him for sure.

Diluc could hear Barbara hesitate. He cracked an eye open and looked at her, waiting.

„They‘re outside… do you think you can talk to them?“

„If they don‘ mind ‘m not really here yet, sure“, Diluc agreed, closing his eyes again.

He was so, so tired…

 

„Firefly. We waited this long, you can‘t be asleep for the whole time of our visit.“

„Leave him be. He‘s exhausted. Look, he seems more like a panda than a Ragnvindr.“

„…tha‘s mean…“, Diluc slurred, snuggling more into the pillow.

„Oh, are you scolding us in your sleep now?“

Slowly, Diluc opened his eyes to glare at Kaeya. It probably didn‘t work, considering he could only open his eyes halfway.

„Can‘t stop m’ from trying“, he yawned before he tried to push himself up. At once, a gentle hand laid on his lower back and supported him.

„There we go. Look at that, Jean, our mighty panda has awakened“, Kaeya smirked to Jean somewhere above Diluc‘s head.

Already exhausted, Diluc let his head fall on Kaeya‘s shoulder. „Stop calling me that.“

„Then stop looking like one“, Kaeya quipped back. Diluc hadn‘t missed the way he had tensed a second earlier. When he tried to pull away, however, Kaeya slung his arm over Diluc‘s shoulders and pulled him back.

„You prob‘ly don‘t wanna touch me… I‘m smelly… I think.“

„Don‘t worry, you are. But you also haven‘t eaten in, like, a week. And that‘s kinda more important right now.“

Diluc felt Kaeya‘s body shake with his giggles at the annoyed sigh he gave.

„I‘ll eat when you give me ten minutes in the bathroom - without your help, thank you very much“, he huffed, pulling off Kaeya and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

„Yell if you need anything“, Kaeya grinned as he helped him stand up (which proved to be more difficult than expected).

Ow, ow, ow - pins and needles. Diluc hissed and wobbled to the bathroom.

After he felt more like a human being again, his brain was finally able to register the heavenly smell that was coming from somewhere in the room…

When he came back to the room, a picnic was laid out on the bed.

„Look at the way he lights up at a little food“, Kaeya shook his head in mock hurt, „if that‘s all it takes, I‘m gonna do this more often.

„Go for it.“ Diluc didn‘t take his eyes of the food presented to him. „Did Barbara allow eating on the bed?“

„She was more than happy to if it meant having you move less“, Jean grinned.

„Then I won‘t move for the rest of the day.“ With a sigh of pure bliss, he bit into a still warm bun with sugar on top.

Kaeya laughed. „I‘m not forgetting this bribe method for the rest of my life.“

„It doesn‘t work as well if I have actually eaten the week before, mind you.“

A giddy feeling bloomed in Diluc‘s chest as he watched Jean and Kaeya dig in. This was so much better than the years before where he had to ride out the last of his fogged mind by himself.

He smiled fondly.

„Please don‘t say something corny right now.“ Kaeya squinted at him.

Diluc couldn‘t help but start to giggle. This was so much better. „Let‘s do this next year again“, he said, catching his breath.

Jean instantly shook her head. „I‘m not getting you a giant lizard to fight with you next year.“

A pause. Then: „Come on, Jean. Not even if I say please?“ Diluc cocked his and pouted.

Kaeya was the first to burst into bellowing laughter, the two other following quickly.

When Diluc‘s cheeks started to burn from all the grinning and he had to wipe his face again, he had only thought:

This is so much better.

He‘d never settle for less ever again.

Notes:

JAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Angst and fluff. Perfectly balanced, as all things should be!

And? Did you like this ending to Diluc just straight up dying?
I sure hope so, because I definitely did.

If you have any suggestions for chapters you would like to see added, like another recovery chapter or like what would happen if Diluc actually died, put them out there! I‘m kinda motivated to continue writing this… we‘ll see how long it holds. 😇

Well then!! Thank you so much for reading this! It may be only two chapters, but it‘s my first finished fanfic Ever, so I think I can be a bit proud.

Have a great day, remember to drink enough and get some sleep if you‘re tired. Don‘t pull a me-stunt and stay up until midnight to write a second chapter the night before pre-finals!

Bye!

Chapter 3: …What if?

Summary:

…What if… Diluc actually died?

Notes:

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

First of all. Thank you all so much for requesting this chapter!! Whooo!

Second of all. I am totally not sitting here, crying and writing this while my friends and classmates who also happen to have a free period watch me like I just grew another head.

Third of all… just read the notes underneath, please… (cries)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Inwardly, Kaeya was cursing like a sailor.

He should never have given in to Diluc‘s stupid request.

He should have tied him to the Angel‘s share if only it meant that he wouldn‘t have come along.

 

Diluc was standing there, frozen, watching the snake lunge at him without moving an inch. Lost in his head again, probably. But this time, it would cost him more than just his dignity.

“Diluc!“ The desperation in his voice would have embarrassed him if he wasn‘t so afraid of Diluc losing his head in the next second.

Kaeya may be mad at his once-brother, but he would not watch him be butchered by this… thing.

Maybe it had been his call, but some blessing of Barbatos got Diluc to snap out of it. With a feral hiss, he summoned his claymore, promise of murder in his eyes.

Kaeya knew that look good enough to grab the nearest knight, drag him out of there and yell for the others to Retreat, now!!

 

A second later, fire burst out around them like hell had opened up. The sudden heat punched the breath out of Kaeya‘s lungs, making him gasp for air as he tried to check if everyone had gotten to safety in time.

He would probably change his mind and leave Diluc to have a nice dinner meeting with this lovely thing if any of the people under his supervision were injured.

The war cry from his brother and the snake mixed beneath the blanket of flames, Diluc‘s bursting with rage, the snake‘s with agony and pain. Kaeya almost felt sorry for it - it didn‘t exactly feel nice to be on the wrong end of Diluc‘s claymore.

The flames stopped flowing, slowly dissipating. The trees had caught fire, branches cracking and falling to the ground.

„Look out! Fall back and regroup, let‘s check if there any injured!“, he heard Jean yell, but the sound of Diluc cursing made him concentrate on the battle before him.
Through the flames, he saw Diluc barely roll away from a stomping claw that would have pierced through his sternum.

He may be strong, but Diluc wasn‘t suited to fight that thing and his mind seemed clouded with anger and… whatever it was that had been bothering him the last few days. So Kaeya started running towards the two, trying to find an opening where he could divert the enemies attention from his brother.

The snake twisted off the ground, yowling. In a flash, it was in front of Diluc, darting towards him.

Caught off guard - which shouldn‘t happen with someone as experienced and trained as Diluc -, he dodged a second too late. Kaeya winced inwardly at the gash the teeth left in Diluc‘s leg.

Diluc growled something under his breath. Kaeya wasn‘t sure he had even registered the wound.

 

„Diluc!“

For a second, the redhead‘s glare was ripped off the body of the snake to glance at him. Jean was by Kaeya‘s side in a flash nodded at him. She‘d make sure Diluc would stay out of the fight.

Relief flooded Kaeya. This battle was not one Diluc could win. He was way too far gone in his head to actually fight.

With that thought, he started stabbing at the snake, dancing around a fast claw.

It was even swifter up close. Kaeya could see why a Claymore user like Diluc would have his problems.
Luckily, Kaeya could keep it at a little distance with his Cryo attacks as he tried to figure out its attack pattern.

There, a lunge with its jaws, followed by an immediate swipe of the front claw. Exactly what had gotten Diluc‘s leg. Kaeya saw it coming, and twisted out of the way and behind the beast.

A flash of the softer scales. Kaeya grinned and was about to take his opportunity when a too-familiar red head of locks fiery hair appeared on the other side of the serpent.

 

Barbatos damn it.

 

With the snake‘s head turned away, Kaeya‘s opportunity was gone. And worse, the thing was even more annoyed now that it was being attacked from two sides.

Kaeya saw the tail swishing towards him a second too late. It hit him in his side, punching the air out of him.

Diluc, I‘m kicking your face in when we get back, was the only thing going through Kaeya‘s mind as his back collided painfully with a tree. The trunk shook with the impact and small branches rained down on Kaeya‘s coat. Ah shit, they were still glowing with heat - ow, ow ow, that one would leave a nasty bruise.

Coughing, Kaeya sat up quickly, trying to flee from the small rain of fire. A small yelp made his head snap over to the snake that was now-

That was now pressing Diluc to the ground and towering over him, growling and opening its jaw.

And Diluc, stupid, idiotic Diluc was just laying there, looking absolutely terrified - as if he was seeing something else in front of his eyes, something out of a horror book -

 

Move, Diluc!!“

Kaeya‘s voice ripped through the petrified silence without his consent. Still sitting on the ground, he watched in slow motion as Diluc did not move and teeth sunk into his flesh-

The agonized cry that left him would surely haunt Kaeya for the next week‘s nights.

Wild, uncontrolled flames lashed out around Diluc at the same time Jean desperately channeled all her power into a strike, summoning half a storm. The now even greater flames burned the snake‘s eyes and scorched its neck. With a yelp, it drew back, ripping the teeth out of Diluc‘s flesh.

Still, even underneath the sound of the snake‘s cry and stomping feet, Kaeya could hear the pained whine Diluc gave too clearly.

Frantically, Kaeya charged forward, anything to get to Diluc or- or distract the serpent- anything -

Even as he was viciously slashing at the dragon, he couldn‘t look away from his brother, dragging himself over the ground and out of the way of the fight. He looked as if he had one foot in the grave already and Kaeya‘s insides clenched at that thought.

It was-

It was just like the day he had lost his father.

 

The comparison sent Kaeya reeling. This- no. This would not end like that night. He would not let Diluc die.

 

With a growl, he lunged. The dragon shook himself, still trying to shake off the heat of both Diluc‘s and Jean‘s attack. Kaeya used his entire weight to stab into the side of its head, trying to actually do some damage. But his light sword that was normally his biggest advantage did nothing to help him out here. The blade sprung off the scales, only leaving a small nick.

It only fueled Kaeya‘s rage further.

Jean jumped in, beating the serpent with wind currents strong enough to break trees. It did not leave any flesh wounds, but the beast had too much trouble keeping up to leave any on them, either.

 

Kaeya used the opportunity to turn and search for Diluc.

He was laying on the edge of the field, eyes already closed, one hand halfheartedly trying to stop the bleeding on his neck.

Kaeya‘s heart clenched at the sight. Oh Barbatos, his brother looked like he had already given up on staying alive. He - he couldn‘t just stand here and fight while Diluc needed him-

Kaeya turned and ran towards him.

„Diluc!“

The redhead flinched and his eyes opened. He looked so pained, like taking the next breath would be too much-

„Con-“, a nasty cough shook Diluc‘s body and Kaeya‘s eyes widened at the blood staining his teeth and lips.

“Concentrate!“

 

He was asking him to leave him.

 

Kaeya wanted to start crying as he remembered the harsh words he had thrown at his brother before they had moved out.

„If you end up being a bother on the battlefield, I‘ll leave you there. I have to look after the knights, after all.“

Oh damned Celestia. If there was a way to take back those horrible, hateful words, Kaeya would take it.

But there was no way to change the past. It was a lesson Kaeya had learned years ago, in a more than harsh way. So all he wanted to do was to make it right. Now.

He wanted to go over to his brother, hug the life back into him and beg him to not give up, never, because he needed him here-

 

But he heard Jean panting behind him. He‘d lose another friend if he didn‘t finish this stupid thing soon.

With regret overwhelming him, he turned again and threw himself back in the battle. And not a second too late - the snake seemed to be set on taking Jean out. It slashed at her, not giving her a second to collect herself. Kaeya aimed for its eyes and actually managed to get a hit in. Howling, it snapped at him, but it wasn‘t enough to draw its attention fully on Kaeya.
A second later, it twisted back again and shoved Jean. Her defense broke and she nearly fell to the ground. Jean‘s eyes widened as the snake jumped at her, ready to sink its teeth in her flesh.

With all his might, Kaeya threw himself against the reptile‘s neck. He wouldn‘t have her die on him.

Now, finally, the dragon concentrated on him. It became a battle of speed, both of them exchanging blows. Kaeya realized quickly that he couldn‘t think of the snake as an animal, but rather than an equal enemy, like a too-skilled Fatui agent. Its fighting style was closer to that of a human, anyway.

That, combined with its size and reach made it extremely deadly. Kaeya was panting after only a few minutes. Its attack pattern kept changing, adapting to his own and generally being way too intelligent to simply be an animal.

This was tiring. So, so tiring. Half of Kaeya‘s mind couldn‘t stay with the fight anyway; out of the corner of his eyes he thought he had seen a red mop of hair move. If Diluc planned to „help out“ again in this fight, it would surely be the death of them both.

 

Being lost in thought proved to be a bad idea.

In a second, his ankle twisted - even with his padded boots, made especially to suit his style so he wouldn‘t roll his ankle - and Kaeya staggered. As he looked up again, he saw only a black abyss, framed by glistening daggers.

 

Kaeya‘s heart did a funny twist.

This was how he died? How anticlimactic. Kaeya nearly scoffed inwardly.

A sense of calmness washed over him as the teeth came closer in slow motion. Closer. Closer.

And something else came closer as well, a lot faster than the teeth. And honestly, Kaeya would rather be killed by those thousand white daggers than witness what was inevitably about to happen.

Still, his mouth opened to cry out, to stop this, to, by Barbatos, not do this to him-

 

The red blur pushed at him, making him stumble backwards and choke on his cry.

A sickening crunch nearly made him heave. Blood splattered onto the ground and on Kaeya‘s clothes.

Kaeya couldn‘t even blink. The sight before him made everything in him clench in pure despair. Diluc stood in front of him, staring at the ground. The teeth of the dragon pierced through his entire upper body, grotesquely disfiguring his chest and shoulders.

Diluc‘s eyes lifted of the ground and found Kaeya‘s face. They were clouded and… questioning.

 

…Had… had he taken the hit… without even thinking about it?!

 

The dragon growled and dislodged its teeth from the flesh, making Diluc gasp. The breath caught in his throat and a cough made him stagger. Kaeya could only stare as his brothers face contorted in pain and made a horrible, horrible sound, weakly gripping at his wounds.

Blood dripped from his lips and slowly, so slowly, Diluc tilted towards the ground, his knees giving out.

That snapped Kaeya out of his daze.

 

“Diluc!“

 

Frantically, Kaeya lunged and caught Diluc in his arms. Without any help from his brother who apparently wasn‘t able to carry his weight anymore, Kaeya‘s own legs buckled under the impact.

Pressed to Kaeya‘s chest, Diluc coughed again, cringing in obvious agony. As soon as he was able to breathe again, he whimpered pitifully. Kaeya swallowed, blinking back tears as the sound went straight to his heart and squeezed. As softly as possible, he lowered them both to the ground.

Almost as if through cotton, he heard Jean call their names, but all his attention was on the redhead in his arms, wheezing and pawing at Kaeya‘s arm.

„Diluc…“

He wished he could do more than hold him. Desperate, he went along the wounds, checking which one needed healing most. The wound on his neck started to clog already. Slowly, Kaeya put his hand on the row of wounds along Diluc‘s sternum and channeled what little healing powers he had.

Distracted, he nearly didn‘t notice how Diluc nuzzled into his shoulder, turning his face into the fur and breathing a bit more even. Kaeya prayed to any gods that might hear him that he would find whatever comfort he could.

 

As the seconds ticked by, Kaeya couldn‘t stop the tears from dripping down his face. Stifling a sob, he lifted his bloodied hand to Diluc‘s cheek.
This… this was his worst nightmare. He didn‘t want to hear how slow Diluc‘s breath had become, he didn‘t want to hear how every other breath mingled with an agonized sound-
Gasping, he curled around the body in his arms, stroking the slowly greying cheek more insistingly. He didn‘t- Diluc wouldn‘t die here-

Kaeya felt how his healing powers were too little. It was… it wouldn‘t be- enough. He knew it.

 

Diluc‘s dulled eyes slowly opened and watched him for several seconds before a hint of clarity returned. Then, they widened slightly, watching a tear roll down Kaeya‘s face before returning to his eye.

Was his brother so shocked to see him cry? Did he think Kaeya hated him so much?

Did he honestly think he would leave Diluc here?

All Kaeya could think about was how he should have taken the blow, Diluc had been already injured and now… and now…

„Why?“, Kaeya‘s voice broke out of him in a pained whisper.

Something in Diluc‘s eyes changed and he looked at Kaeya with a sense of understanding. It made him want to scream out his pain, shake Diluc and tell him to quit looking at him like everything was clear now, like he had finally found what he was searching for-

 

Slowly, Diluc‘s mouth opened, but all Kaeya could hear was a miserable abstraction of a word.

He leaned down to Diluc who had already closed his eyes again to not miss a word. Diluc seemed to… slip away - no. Kaeya‘s breath hitched and the hand on his brothers cheek tapped on his face with more pressure.

Not yet, Barbatos, not yet-

Diluc‘s eyebrows knitted together in an effort to speak again. Kaeya leaned closer, his tears now dripping on Diluc‘s brow and hair.

„I…“, Diluc started, and Kaeya nearly didn‘t catch it even as he leaned so close he could feel his brothers breath on his own cheek, „couldn‘t lose… another part of my family to this…“

A small mumble, then the next coughing fit. Diluc‘s hand flew to his mouth, trying and failing to stifle the horrid sounds. Kaeya just sat there, too shocked to do anything but help Diluc ride out the fit.

 

So the image that had Diluc chained to the ground earlier had been the same one Kaeya had seen - the night Crepus had fought Ursa. How ironic. How fitting.

 

How cruel.

 

Swallowing back a pained whine, Kaeya shifted Diluc to lay more comfortably.

„Sh…“, he gasped, memories of the past rushing through his brain.

Diluc had always been prone to nightmares at the beginning of his career as a night, being so sheltered a little blood was enough to shock him for days. So many nights where Kaeya had stayed by his side, whispering these exact words to him.
How he wished he could return to those days.

„It‘s gonna be alright…“, he chocked out. He knew, he knew he was lying, but the way Diluc hummed weakly and relaxed into him made it seem worth it.

Kaeya tried to suppress it, but his body shook with his silent sobs as he tried to heal Diluc one last time. But he saw… saw how Diluc‘s eyes dropped shut and the blood stain on his clothes was still growing.

A far-off crash made him look up. The serpent was trashing on the ground, pinned down by Jean and the knights that had finally joined them. Seemingly, some other fighters had come as back up, but Kaeya couldn‘t bring himself to care.

He could only sigh in relief as he saw Jean running towards him. Finally. Diluc still had a chance…

„Diluc?“, he turned back to his brother. „Hey, firefly“, the old nickname rolled off his tongue too easily, „look, we won-“

The words got stuck in his throat as there was no reaction from Diluc at all.

„Diluc?“

Panic, pure, bubbling panic burned through Kaeya as he shook the body in his arms lightly.

„Hey, hey, stay awake!!“

Kaeya had to fight the urge to slap Diluc awake. Adding one more injury was not something Kaeya wanted to do.

Jean let herself fall to her knees beside the two.

„Master Diluc!“

Kaeya grabbed her arm with a bloodied glove. „We need to heal him, Jean! Please, help him - he‘s bleeding out!“ The way his voice cracked made Jean look at him with blatant worry. But she started to let her vision‘s power flow around Diluc, slowly breathing out. Her eyebrows drew together with concentration, but Kaeya saw how she pressed her lips in a thin line in displeasure. This… wasn‘t looking good.

Someone appeared on the edge of his vision and Kaeya had to force himself to not slash at them with his weapon.

Noelle, who had jogged over to them, only threw him an understanding glance before she reached for the redhead in his arms. Kaeya drew Diluc closer even if he could clearly see all she was doing was checking his pulse.

She hissed with worry and drew back. „He‘s already getting cold and losing colour - do we have anything to keep him warm?!“

A stab of guilt ran through Kaeya‘s chest. As a cryo user, he ran a little colder than most people. His body heat was practically non-existent and did surely nothing to help Diluc‘s condition.

Jean wrapped her cape around Diluc‘s stomach as an attempt to both stop the bleeding and keep him warm.
Then, she took both of Diluc‘s hands in her own and squeezed them with a pained expression.

„Master Diluc…!“, she whispered. Again, her vision glowed as she tried to channel more energy in his body.

Noelle disappeared from the group and hurried to somewhere behind them, but Kaeya couldn‘t care enough to watch her.
He looked back to Diluc who had almost turned ashen by now. His chest constricted painfully at how stark the contrast between Diluc‘s fiery hair and his grey face had turned.

„Come on, firefly, try to open your eyes, okay?“, he choked out.

Noelle returned with a huge blanket - where she got that from would forever stay a secret - and drowned Diluc‘s still body in layers upon layers of fabric.

Again, she checked Diluc‘s pulse. This time, she gasped and started to gather him in her own arms. „I can‘t feel his pulse anymore. We have to get him to the church as soon as possible!!“

Kaeya jumped up with her, not letting go of Diluc‘s arm. Tears had already started streaming down his face again. His vision was blotchy and without Noelle carrying most of Diluc‘s weight, he would surely have fallen down again.

„Kaeya, you need to let yourself be treated. Your injuries are serious as well-“

„No!“, Kaeya growled, thightening his hold on Diluc without even turning. He didn‘t care who he had just dismissed so rudely, his own wellbeing was so insignificant to him right now-

They reached the carriage that had transported most of the knights here and Noelle put Diluc‘s body down, so, so gentle.

Kaeya was by his brother‘s side in an instant. „I‘m here, I‘m here…“, he mumbled, „Firefly, don‘t worry. We‘ll be back in Mondstadt in a minute, we‘ll get you healed up and back into shape…“

Tears dropped onto the wood beside the two.

„We‘ll be fine“, Kaeya sobbed. „We… you‘ll be- be fine…“

Kaeya curled around Diluc once more, trying to listen for his heartbeat. But even if there had been one, it would have been impossible to hear it over his own blood rushing in his ears and heaving sobs shaking his body.

„Firefly, please…“, he whimpered. The now completely gray face of his brother was ice cold as he stroked his cheek, sending shudders down Kaeya‘s spine. He hugged the lifeless body close, crying into his shoulder.

 

This wasn‘t just a undercooled body.

This was the body of a dead person.

 

 

„Stay…“, he sobbed, pure agony cursing through his mind, his heart tearing in two again, again, again… „Please, firefly… not you too…“

„I need you… here, with me… what- what am I supposed to do without you…?“

 

 

He never got an answer.

Notes:

Hi! So! I am so, so sorry!!!

What do we learn from this? I can‘t write angst with a bad ending without bawling my eyes out!

I literally sat there after writing the last sentence, hitting the desk and going „No! How could I do that?? My Kaeya doesn‘t deserve this…“

To be fair, I had been listening to a sad Bleach ost compilation and some other songs that just tear your heart out on their own (aka the Fullmetall funeral osts) and writing this just… completed the sadness cake in its entirety.

Oh god I can‘t even proofread this without tearing up. I am too invested in the relationship of these two to kill one. I thought I could. I thought I was strong enough. But… oh God was I wrong.

Please leave some wholesome requests in the comments if you like me and more angsty ones if you want to deal the finishing blow to my poor mind.

And yes, I am still very much ready to write more on this. I love this idea. Just not… Diluc dying. Writing was fun, just until the last few sentences where I had to actually seal this devil‘s deal.

…*cries in the corner* thanks so much for reading…!!!!!

Chapter 4: …what If? II

Summary:

What if Diluc needed more saving than from just the flesh wounds?

Notes:

Hey! Good to see you here!! But, I‘ll have to warn you…

 

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

This chapter is about suicide and suicidal thoughts, so proceed with caution, please!
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

It takes place after the first chapter, so after the fight with the snake.

Other than that: …read the end notes, please?

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Slowly, consciousness drifted back to Diluc. It was like breathing a breath of fresh air after staying in a stuffy room for too long.

He blinked lazily, not actually taking in what he was seeing, feeling the sleep slip out of his body.

It was silent.

The room was dark, and a cold slip of light shone through the window, illuminating the desk near his bed. As Diluc tried to turn and identify what was standing there, a sharp pain stabbed through his neck.
With a pained hiss, he quickly laid still, breathing through the stabbing waves in his neck.

Gingerly, he lifted his hand to where the pain was radiating in his skin. His fingertips met the rough fabric of bandages, cool under his over-heated skin.

 

Diluc frowned. What… had happened…? His brain was moving lazily, fogged and slow. He was injured… and laying on a bed he didn‘t know.

Softly, he tugged the blanket off his body, sitting up - correction, trying to sit up - oh Barbatos.

With a sound he didn‘t even want to define, Diluc fell back. Several places in his chest where burning, making it hard to breathe- gasping, Diluc tried to suppress the panic that wanted to bubble up inside him -

He didn‘t know where he was and he was practically helpless. He had to hide- or…

With a desperate breath, Diluc tried to sort out his thoughts. He threw a hand over his eyes, groaning with pain - If his brain wasn‘t so hazy, maybe- maybe he could actually remember-

Flashes of a battle flew by behind Diluc‘s eyelids, a… snake, or dragon, maybe - claws in his shoulder, digging into the flesh… step by step, his breath slowed as his memories returned. There were still lots of parts missing… he thought someone had called his name, but he couldn‘t remember who

With a deep sigh, he opened his eyes again. Let‘s… gather what we know…

The mist in his brain begged him to stop thinking, to bury himself under the blankets… to sleep and forget

But Diluc couldn‘t, the fear of being somewhere unknown and dangerous… made him drag himself back to the surface…

The snake, attacking the knights. Then, a fight, cut short by a wound… someone calling him. A desire to protect someone…

Diluc growled as the memory didn‘t get any clearer no matter how hard he tried to remember. Only that… only…

Carefully pushing himself up again (it didn‘t get any less painful, but this time, he could at least prepare himself for it), he swung his legs over the ledge. As he pushed himself up, his knees nearly gave out and he stumbled.

With a small yelp, he grasped at the wall, trying not to smash his head into it. A few seconds, he stayed there, leaned against the wall, breathing harshly. Wave after wave of pain ripped through his body as he fought to stay upright. The coolness of the floor was uncomfortably present.

Fog mixed with pain, blocking any coherent thoughts. Diluc nearly sobbed. Another memory flashed before his eyes- he had failed somehow… someone was crying - because of him -

Guilt was the only thing shining through the haze of his mind and somehow, Diluc‘s legs carried him forward… the memories of the last few days were locked behind an iron wall, but instead, the past came rushing, rushing…

Rushing…

 

Kaeya.

The name of his brother burned through his mind, connected to the memory of him standing in front of him - against him - with his sword drawn, because Diluc had forced him too

As if far off, he heard someone sob quietly…

 

The hate filling him, making Diluc unable to see past his blade, who it was he was trying to kill.

He would- he would kill the traitor-

No matter who it was.

 

…his legs carried him further.

 

Upstairs, through a smaller hallway… his naked feet made a noise on the stones that rang through his ears-

Kaeya‘s pained smile as his blade crashed against Diluc. He was still smirking- after all that had happened -

Diluc would wipe that sneer off his face. The face that had been home for so long - now, nothing but lies.

 

The air around him changed - Diluc looked around, but he didn‘t see anything…

The night was dark, only illuminated by his own burning sword. Even for him, the blade was uncomfortably hot - how badly it must be hurting Kaeya didn‘t even cross his mind…

Finally, it clicked that the crying he kept hearing was his own - he couldn‘t concentrate on his own movement or breathing, only on Kaeya sitting on the ground, staring up at his vision and then at Diluc. The feeling of regret crashing down on him…

…how could he?!

This was his brother. This was Kaeya.

How could he lift a sword against him?!

 

Diluc gripped at his chest, doubling over. He couldn‘t differentiate between the pain from his wounds and the one from his mind. His forehead hit cold, cold stone, making him look up.

 

He was…

On a roof.

 

(…How had he found it? He didn‘t know his way around here.)

Diluc blinked dumbly, glancing around. Tears stuck to his cheek as the wind howled and swished through his hair.

Why… had he come here? Was it an accident?

Slowly, he sat on the small path across the roof, leaning on one of the small towers jutting out of the roof. Cold had already seeped through the thin shirt he was wearing, but Diluc wasn‘t present enough to register the cold and his own shivering. The moon was standing high above him, illuminating everything in a cold and sharp light. Like knives, towers cut into the sky.

His brain, moving slowly like it was drowning in syrup, made the connection…

He had been in the infirmary of the cathedral and was now sitting on its giant rooftop.

(…was there a direct way from the infirmary to the roof…?)

He didn‘t have the mental capacity to find a certain spot in this huge building, so he must have found it by chance.

Diluc sniffed, wiping at his eyes. He was so exhausted…

He closed his eyes. The wind was harsh, making him curl his toes in a helpless attempt to keep them from freezing.

 

…Kaeya‘s voice rang through his ears again, sounding as if through cotton. „Not gonna kill me, ‚brother‘?“, he sneered.

„No“, he mumbled, eyes still closed. „Never.“

„Liar“, Kaeya called, all fake humor gone from his voice. „Pathetic, dirty liar.“

„No“, Diluc shook his head. The tears were already dripping down onto his knees. He curled into himself, „I wouldn‘t. You have to know that - I wouldn‘t…“

Kaeya scoffed next to him. „If my vision hadn‘t appeared the moment it did, you would have torn me to shreds. You would have killed me just like you killed your father.“

„No…!“, Diluc sobbed. „I… I didn‘t…“

„What? Kill your father?!“ Kaeya laughed. He laughed honestly, holding his stomach and doubling over as if Diluc had actually joked.

Blinking through his tears, Diluc watched as slowly, Kaeya calmed down and walked over to him.

His brother watched him, cowering on the ground and shivering. Then, he smiled sadly.

„Look at you. The Ragnvindr heir, huddling on the ground, crying like a little baby. You’re such a sorry sight it makes me want to puke.“

Slowly, his face shifted, but he kept on talking. „You‘ve ruined everything, didn‘t you? My life and yours, your father‘s… are you proud?“

Diluc stared in horror as the Cavalry Captain‘s face turned into that of his father.

„Are you proud?“, Crepus Ragnvindr asked.

„I-“

„Are you such a monster that you don‘t even regret killing me?“

„…I do“, Diluc breathed out. „Every day. I- Sometimes, I wish - I wish I could go back, a-and make-“

„Make it right?“, his father scowled. „Are you that naive? I thought I had left my legacy in capable hands. Not in those of a child.“

Diluc sobbed and shook his head. „No, no, no…“

With a pleading look, he stood, propping himself up on his tower. The pain that was still coursing through his body was shoved away to the back of his mind. Everything was numbed by the biting cold anyway.
„I would have- have given anything to save y-you!“, he cried, „Anything!

His father just looked at him, silent. Then, he turned away abruptly.

„No - no, wait!“

Diluc stumbled forward, nearly losing his delicate balance on the small white beam beneath his feet. He could barely think through the haze in his mind, everything swimming and swirling-

„Prove it.“

Crepus Ragnvindr turned to his son and stared at him.

„Prove it“, he repeated.

Diluc couldn‘t do anything but stare back. After a second, his father turned again and walked further across the roof. He stopped at the base of the high bell tower.
Clumsily, Diluc joined him. He could barely feel his feet. The shivers racking his body had turned so intense Diluc could barely walk straight.

He ignored it.

The fog in his brain made it easy to bury any feelings he might perceive right now. Nothing but the voice of his father cut through it anyway.

When he had finally reached his father‘s side, the man just pointed up to the small obversation deck just below the iron bell.

A different kind of cold reached into every inch of Diluc‘s body. His breath hitched slightly and he caught his fathers glance, nearly breaking out in tears again.

 

Still… he slowly grabbed the decorations chiseled in the stone, his hand so frozen it barely closed around it.

It didn‘t matter.

Slowly, he climbed upwards. The way to the bell was familiar as he and Kaeya had once, long ago, raced to climb up here - it was forbidden, of course, and had taken quite a bit of coaxing from Kaeya‘s side… but afterwards, it had become a small hiding spot… maybe for a year before the two had broken apart.

Suppressing a groan, Diluc pulled himself up to the deck. The iron bell swung softly, pushed on by the wind that was even stronger - and colder - up here. The breeze caught inside the giant and made an alien noise, nearly making Diluc lose himself in it. The mist begged him to give in, just lay here and never get up again-

But suddenly, his father was standing by his side again, looking at him disapprovingly.

„I thought you would do anything? Looks like you‘re not even capable of staying concentrated.“

Diluc just shook his head, silently pleading his father to give him a chance. With pure willpower, he cleared his mind as much as possible. He would not - lose this chance.

 

Crepus scoffed but didn‘t leave. Instead, he grabbed Diluc‘s arm harshly, pulling him to the edge of the plattform.

Diluc gasped, struggling to stay upright and on the plattform-

If he hadn‘t grasped one of the pillars on the side of the deck, Diluc would have fallen down, down, down…

His heart was beating out of his chest and he could hear his wheezing gasps over the howling wind as he looked down into the jawning darkness.
Slowly, the moon slid behind a cloud, making it impossible to see the ground. Startled, he looked up to his father. He couldn‘t want…

„Go on“, Crepus said. His face was cast in nearly complete shadow and Diluc was barely able to make out his red eyes in the darkness. He was staring at his son with such hate everything in Diluc wanted to curl up and wither away.

„You- you want me to…“, Diluc swallowed heavily. „To jump?“

The man before him didn‘t answer. Slowly, he stepped back, completely vanishing into the shadow.

„I‘ll be waiting for you down there.“

Then, he was gone.

Diluc could barely breathe. Wheezing, he turned away from the spot the red eyes of his father had just stared him down and looked towards the darkness in front of him again.

It was- it was so far away-

 

But…

 

…This wasn‘t a scene Diluc had never thought about.

More than once, when the self loathing had become too much, the mistakes he made, the embarrassment he was, he had dreamed of just… slipping away. Going somewhere isolated, never returning, just fall asleep and stay asleep.

Make all his problems go away. Never worry about the next day, never feel that knot of worry and anxiety in his stomach, reminding him of how much he had failed… again.

Never worry about who wouldn‘t miss him… never see anything again.

Sometimes, falling asleep wasn‘t enough. He dreamed of paying, of making sure he would suffer like all those people he had hurt-

 

But Diluc was too weak to go realistically consider it.

Once, during the exact same time of year - the time his father had died all these years ago - the fog had lifted and left Diluc sitting there, a bloodied knife in his own hand, gasping as he tried to comprehend what had just happened.

It was the furthest he had ever pushed it.

He had never regretted it - he deserved so much worse, every day.
Every time Kaeya‘s smile cracked a bit more than it should, revealing genuine hurt… every time Jean was standing between the two brothers, awkwardly trying to mend their friendship… he saw how she wanted them back, how she teared up at the memory of the past - Diluc yearned for a way to make it up, to erase his mistakes-

 

If it meant erasing himself, he would be fine with it.

Diluc sighed, calming his breathing. He had tried to do this once, before- he had been on Stormbearer‘s point, standing on the very edge - thoughts of a dumb comment, some snide answer… by whoever, haunting him for days… something so small had made everything crawl back up to the front of his mind. He had been so close, but-

He couldn‘t go through with it. Something… some undefinable thing had held him back then. Instead, he had sat down, staring at the sun until his eyes hurt and it had vanished behind the horizon. Unable to shed a single tear.

 

Not now, though. His father had given him this chance, this one chance…

He would make it right.

And it would be better this way… for him as well. This wouldn‘t be done by his father‘s orders. He would do it because really, he had yearned for a chance for years. It… was enough, now.

Diluc lifted his eyes of the ground he couldn‘t see anyway, watching the stars hide behind clouds. Watching a dark spot fly across the sky, not bound by anything.
A pigeon, maybe… more like a hawk.

He took a step towards it.

That‘s right. He wasn‘t going to fall…

He would fly.

The last thing he would ever do. He would make it right…

A smile played over Diluc‘s lips. The cold was forgotten. All he could feel was the wind, gently pushing at his back, almost asking him to take that last step.

He lifted his foot of the ground, dangling it over the edge. It was beautiful tonight. A good night to fix what he had broken. The world would wake up tomorrow… whole again.

With a last sigh, he pushed himself forward.

 

 

 

 

————————————————————————————————————————————

 

 

 

Kaeya woke up to frantic banging on his door.

He sprinted down the stairs as silently as possible, grabbing his sword along the way. Through the window, a outline of a woman was standing there, wearing a nun‘s outfit-

„What is it, Rosaria?“, he hissed, ripping the door open before she broke it down and woke the entire neighborhood. She should know the importance of being inconspicuous-

She grabbed him by the collar and dragged him with her.

„What the- Rosari-

„Your precious redhead has disappeared from the infirmary. All hands on the deck. You ought to know where he could have gone the best“, she growled, still not letting go.

Kaeya‘s breath hitched. „He- he woke up?

„If someone didn‘t already murder him and took his body away, yes.“

Scowling, he slapped her hand from his collar. „Not a good time to be joking about that.“

Rosaria scoffed. „He definitely opened up at least one wound as well. There‘s a bloody handprint on the wall, so don‘t faint when you see it. Sadly, we couldn‘t find any trail or something. You‘ll just have to use the power of your unyielding, good relationship-“

„Dear Lord, Rosaria, just shut up!

She just smirked.

„You might also want to look out for our dear Mondstadt idol. If she weren‘t going crazy with worry, she would definitely be ready to rip our dear Ragnvindr a new one.“

Kaeya huffed and sped up. The cathedral was just up ahead- now he was glad to have an apartment so close to the city center. Breaking into a run, he took the quickest route to the infirmary he knew, nearly running over some poor knights that were seemingly already searching for the Dawn Winery‘s master.

 

The handprint on the wall was not really a handprint at all, just a tiny smear of blood. But it was enough to make Kaeya wince. He really had seen enough of Diluc‘s blood for a lifetime.

„Do you have an idea where he could have gone?“, Jean was already there and ordering the men around.

„I…“, Kaeya hesistated. He meant to say he didn‘t know, but…

Maybe he still Diluc as good as he thought. It was where Kaeya would have gone, at least.

„Let me check somewhere“, he called, already out the door and on his way.

There was a small route up to the balcony of the cathedral, a tiny, cozy place, far enough from humans to get some actual rest if you needed it.

Only around that corner, take a left and then-

Kaeya stopped dead as he saw a drop of blood on the ground to his right. Not the balcony, then.

He took the different route. Where did this one lead again… Kaeya remembered something, but it didn‘t click… in his memory, this way was always bright with sunlight. Maybe that‘s why he didn‘t remember right away…

When he turned around and a cold breeze hushed around him, he remembered. This was the way to the roof.

Diluc must have really wanted to be alone if he had come up here. For a second, Kaeya thought about leaving him alone… but who knew how bad the bleeding had gotten; judging from the trail, Diluc definitely hadn‘t stop to try and bandage the wound again.
Oh boy - Kaeya would have a hard time trying to stop Barbara from actually ripping Diluc a new one, as Rosaria had put it so eloquently.

Kaeya slipped through the narrow opening that lead to the middle beam of the roof. It was surprisingly dark out here, the moon being shadowed by soft clouds. He cast a look around, frowning when he couldn‘t find the normally so obviously visible red mane of his brother here.

 

Slowly, ever so slowly, a note of panic crept up inside him.

 

Kaeya walked further onto the roof, attentively listening for any signs. Diluc wasn‘t beneath hiding from him if he really didn‘t want any company, so Kaeya stayed as silent as possible.

Still, as he made his round across the roof and didn‘t find anything but more bloodstains on one of the towers, the uneasiness grew and grew.

Then-

A sudden noise made Kaeya look up. Of course… people never look up when they‘re searching for something.

Diluc must be on the bell tower. Kaeya frowned as the feeling of panic heightened even more. Now giving up every pretense of being quiet, he jogged back far enough to see on the plattform under the iron bell, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw his brother standing there.

The next second, that breath froze in his lungs. Diluc was… falling forward, catching himself on the pillar beside him in the last second-

Oh Barbatos. Oh- oh no.

Kaeya felt his heart beat as if it were trying to kill him.

„No…“, he whispered before breaking into a run.
As fast as possible, he climbed up the belltower, cursing it for being so high and smooth. He nearly slipped twice, losing precious time.

But still, he didn‘t dare call Diluc‘s name in fear of startling him and making him fall to his death.

Finally reaching the plattform, he jumped up as fast as possible. Diluc was only standing on one foot now, the other already in the air-

Kaeya lunged.

 

 

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

 

Diluc was flying. His eyes closed automatically as the other foot left the ground as well.

He felt weightless.

He felt like finally, the worm of regret and anxiety that had eaten its way to his heart was gone…

 

 

The next second, arms ripped him out of his flight and back into reality.

Someone was clinging to him, falling alongside him-

Even if he could not see them, he recognized Kaeya instantely. The tanned skin, the gloves grabbing his shoulders, fingerless except the thumb-

All feelings of freedom fled all at once. Instead, pure, burning regret flowed into his blood - if he was the reason Kaeya would die here-

-the ground came closer too fast, to fast-

Please - not Kaeya, his father had only asked for his death-

 

Fear ripped through him with the force of a knive buried in his chest. How could he ever have jumped, he was so scared - for him and for his brother-

 

A harsh jolt, then they were losing speed. Kaeya must have deployed his wind glider.

 

Still, they crashed into the ground with enough impact for Diluc to cry out in pain as Kaeya‘s elbow dug into his stomach wounds.

Then, they laid there, entangled and panting. Kaeya was splayed out across Diluc, still clinging to him. Diluc was now finally registering how badly he was freezing, feeling Kaeya‘s skin on his own. Normally, the tanned knight would be the cooler of the two, but now, his touch nearly burned.

Diluc propped himself up to cough weakly, wiping off his lips to find blood on them. Well. This much wouldn‘t make a difference now.

Hands gripped his shoulders roughly again and manhandled him up into a half-sitting position. Then, Kaeya was in his face.

„You- Diluc, what are you doing?!

His brother shook him, making Diluc hiss under his breath. The pain was coming back full force, amplyfied by his shivers.

And if there was one conversation he had wanted to avoid for the rest of his life, it must have been this one.

„Are you crazy?! What would have happened if I hadn‘t been here?“, Kaeya yelled. „Diluc, are you in your right mind? Did your hit your head?! What- why-

Ashamed, Diluc chose to look anywhere but Kaeya‘s face. … this would be the last time they talked, probably. There was no way Kaeya would want to deal with someone as broken and… and horrible as Diluc, especially not now, especially not since now he knew about the ugliness inside of him, especially not after what had happened all those years ago-

„Look at me, Diluc! You- how long has this been going on? Why didn‘t you- why couldn‘t you…?“

 

The tears from before were still clinging to his lashes, making his skin feel unbearably cold. He concentrated on that feeling - not that it was hard when his entire body felt like it was being stabbed over and over from the cold - and tried to breathe through waves of guilt and shame.

 

A sob made him flinch.

Slowly, he raised his eyes to Kaeya‘s face. Fat tears were dripping from his chin and he was looking at Diluc with such a pained expression-

„Why… why won‘t you look at me? Diluc, what‘s wrong, why… why would you…“

Kaeya curled into himself, plopping his forehead onto Diluc‘s chest. He still hadn‘t let go of his shoulders, clinging to the fabric and pulling slightly.

„Why would you think… you had to kill yourself…?“

Another shiver racked Diluc‘s body, this time not only from the cold.
He carefully lifted his arms and pulled Kaeya into a light hug as softly as possible. His brother could always shake him off if he wanted to, but Diluc didn‘t want to just… let him cry.

Kaeya didn‘t cry. He would sass and show his provoking smirk, but he wouldn‘t cry… never, not in front of Diluc.

Why wasn‘t he scoffing at him, finally getting rid of the burden Diluc was to him…?

Diluc wanted to ask… but he didn‘t know what to say. He couldn’t ask, definitely not now, but he didn’t know how to comfort someone… and he definitely didn’t want to lie right now. Closest to the truth would be „I‘m sorry you had to see that“, but he doubted Kaeya would take that very well.

More sobs reached his ears. Hesistant, Diluc drew Kaeya closer.

„I‘m… sorry“, he mumbled next to his ear. Close enough, but it sounded lame even to his own ears.

Kaeya shoved him back lightly to stare into his face.
„I- you- Are you sorry for me or for you?!

Diluc blinked. „I… uhm…“

„If I left now, would you try this stupid shit again?!“

That caught Diluc a bit off guard. …Would he?

Definitely in a place where no one could try and save him again, that was for sure. It seemed like a stupid thing to try and jump off the great cathedral on top of the city. Of course he would be seen. But…

He had felt so afraid when he had realized what was gonna happen.

„No…“, he said. Kaeya narrowed his eye at him. „I… guess. Probably. No.“

„Probably is really not gonna cut it here.“

Another shiver overtook Diluc and it took a moment for him to get his tongue to work again. Honestly, everything in his body felt like it been prey to a Cryo Whopperflower for a week.

Kaeya didn‘t miss it. „Okay. This has to wait, your lips are already blue.“

„I‘m …fine“, Diluc insisted, but he let himself be lifted to his feet by his brother.

For a second, his vision turned black as he tried to stand up.

„Diluc!“ Hands caught him and righted him again.

„Mh… just a second…“ Diluc squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to regain his sense of balance.

Kaeya huffed and slung his arm over his shoulder. The skin contact of Diluc‘s frozen limbs with his neck made him hiss.

„Aren‘t you Pyro users supposed to be warm?“

„I‘m not carrying my vision…“

„And clearly, that‘s the only problem. You‘ve been out here for too long. Dumbass.“ Kaeya sniffed, wiping tears with the back of his hand. Then, he quieted down. „Please, never do this to me again. If you‘re fine with doing it to yourself, which you shouldn‘t, then don‘t do it for me… alright?“

„…Is that what you‘re supposed to say…?“, Diluc mumbled.

„I have no idea what I‘m supposed to say!“, Kaeya hissed. „I‘m probably doing this completely wrong! But you‘re bleeding out and undercooled and I know what to do with that, at least! But-“

Kaeya took a shaky breath before continuing. „The two of us don‘t do emotions, do we?“, he laughed without any humor, „And now I wish I had. Diluc… please, I can‘t lose you - Never. Please. I - you‘re the last person that‘s… home- and I- what… what should I do if you leave?“

Diluc nearly stumbled because of how honest Kaeya was being.

„I…“, he swallowed thickly, watching his feet walk slowly instead of looking at Kaeya. His toes were a sickly blue and his feet dragged a bit. No- concentrate. This wasn‘t something he could run away from…

„I‘m sorry.“

„For me or for you?“, Kaeya asked again. This time, Diluc actually understood what he was asking.

„I‘m sorry I made you afraid. And I‘m sorry you had to save me- while - while also risking your own life, which, please don‘t ever do that again-“

Kaeya stopped dead right in front of the cathedral doors. „…What?“

„Don‘t endanger yourself for me is what I‘m saying!“

„Are you crazy? Are you seriously telling me that while injured from a wound you took for me?“

Diluc frowned. The… wound?

…ah. The snake… right. He had taken the hit.

„Right… I remember“, he mumbled.

„You remember?!“

Diluc closed his eyes tiredly. „I couldn‘t think straight when I woke up… I didn‘t remember where I was. I panicked and left the infirmary… ended up on the roof, somehow.“

„…You didn‘t… mean to go up there?“

Diluc shook his head silently, slumping a bit more into Kaeya‘s side. He barely felt Kaeya pulling his arm towards him more thightly and leading him up the stairs.

„…I didn‘t… plan on jumping… when I woke up, I mean.“, Diluc sighed.

„…what changed your mind…?“ Diluc hated how careful Kaeya sounded, like a single word could break him and make him stab himself with his brother‘s sword.

„… I… I think I saw you… and- and father…“

Kaeya blinked at him, not that the redhead could see it as his eyes were still closed.

„I don‘t… happened…“ By now, Diluc was so quiet his brother could barely distinguish the words.

Exhausted, he let his head fall on Kaeya‘s shoulder. „…I don‘t think… I can… it‘s-…“, Diluc mumbled, only barely dragging his feet along now.

Kaeya didn‘t hesistate to take his brother‘s weight as he basically fell asleep standing and lead him around the corner.

„Did we… I mean, father and I- did we…“

„Kaeya- Diluc!“

„Hey, Jean“, Kaeya whispered, nodding to the redhead on his shoulder. „He‘s already half asleep, let‘s try not to wake him up.“

„What happened?“, Jean looked between two with slight panic, „He looks like you dragged him through hell.“

„I‘ll tell you everything later, just… let him rest for a bit. And please have someone stay here at all times. Preferably me“, he shushed her and walked Diluc over to his room.

 

Diluc seemed too out of it to even register Kaeya lowering him to the bed. When he turned to leave, however, a hand caught Kaeya‘s sleeve.

„Wait… you wanted… to ask something- earlier…“, Diluc‘s eyes were barely open and his hand was already slipping off Kaeya‘s wrist again.

„It can wait, Diluc“, Kaeya shook his head, gently shaking off his brother‘s fragile hold on his sleeve.

„…you sure…?“

„Yes“, Kaeya laughed quietly. „You‘re already asleep anyway.“

A soft sound of disagreement, then Diluc‘s eyes slipped closed completly.

 

Kaeya brushed through the red locks, grimacing slightly at the cold clinging to Diluc everywhere. His lips were still tinged that unhealthy blue that had no place anywhere on his brother. But slowly, he seemed to breathe easier and regain at least a bit of warmth.

The worm squirming inside Kaeya‘s gut was still ever-present.
…What had the illusions Diluc had seen done to him? Was… Kaeya one of Diluc‘s nightmares? Was he- had he and father pushed his brother off the cathedral, in a sense?

Kaeya didn‘t how he would ask Diluc those questions. He was terrified of the answer, if he was honest. If the anwer was yes… what would he do? Could he fix this?
…Or would he have to leave? If he was endangering Diluc, he couldn‘t stay…

But everything inside him screamed that this was the wrong course to take. He had to remain here, at Diluc‘s side, to maybe keep at least the shards of their relationship safe…

 

He wouldn‘t leave his side.

 

 

Hopefully, Diluc wouldn‘t leave his either.

Notes:

Hey! Thank you so much for reading this chapter!

Thank you for reading this fanfiction at all! You guys are giving me so many kudos and bookmarks and hits and comments I‘m seriously bursting with love. You‘re the best!!! Thank you so much for liking this, it means the world to me!!! I never would have thought I‘d get more then 150 Kudos when I started this.

And even more crazy: You guys, this thing has 1500 hits. YOU KNOW HOW- HOW CRAZY THAT IS?????

Thank you, again and again!!!

But I do have to kinda… apologize for this chapter. I seriously can‘t objectively say if this one is good or not because I‘m projecting a lot. There‘s more of my feelings in this than any of the Genshin characters. So I can‘t really judge its quality. But - I hope you like it anyway!

I don‘t think I will add any chapters anytime soon. My other fanfiction is kinda stuck with its two chapters and I finally decided how to continue… little advertisment here… if you wanna read it - I think it‘s pretty good! And definitely more Diluc whump, so… ( :<

You‘re more than welcome to request stuff anyway, though. I‘d love to hear your thoughts, and who knows when ✨Inspiration✨ will strike?

Thank you for reading! Make sure you drink enough and have an amazing day!

Byeeee ( :

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading!!!

This has been in my notes for so long and I just had to get it out there today. I hope you like it even though the characters aren‘t really like their canon counterparts. I‘d love to hear your opinion, so please leave some comments!!

Have a great day! And don‘t forget to keep yourself hydrated and well rested.

Edit: Oh my god guys I am so sorry!! I forgot to click the part with „multiple chapters“!!! This isn‘t the end!! Don‘t worry, there will be a second chapter!!!!!
Aaaah I‘m so sorry!!!