Archive of Our Own ^beta

December 21th
Skolavslutning

"Jag älskar dig."
"Hoppas du får en fin jul.

December 22nd

"Wilhelm? Are you joining us for breakfast? Wilhelm, vännen? Do you hear me?”

He heard her. He just didn't answer.

December 23rd
Dan före dopparedan

"Wilhelm, I expect you to get up, get dressed and join us for dinner today!"

...

Wilhelm had felt a fire. Something had lit up inside him after talking to his mother, telling her that he knew who it was that had ruined his life - and then learned that she already knew.

A fire, that had kept burning since he hung up and realized he was completely alone, and if he would survive this life, he better get to action.

A fire that burned inside him, with a tiny yet constant flame. He could feel it. It wanted him to fight back, for himself and for Simon and for all of the Wilhelms and Simons that had gone before them and that would come after.

The first step on his way to burn the world as he knew it and build something new, was to tell Simon that he loved him. He owed him that much.

Then, there was hoppas du får en fin jul.

The fire had kept burning, even though he didn't get to hear an I love you back. The flame had flickered, he could admit as much. But it did keep on burning.

When he turned his back to Simon and his classmates and got in the car, it kept on burning. He felt strong, determined. Fierce. 

He came home to a cold, unsympathetic mother, and a weak, silent father, afraid to be in the middle of a conflict. His fire flickered again. It was something with being home with them, and without Erik, that made him and whatever fire was in him, to shrink.

With each day passing, he felt it burn lower and lower. He tried chasing after it by picturing Simon before him, smiling, being happy, being loving, seeing them both happy in a better world, but the cold in his home worked wonders when it came to killing a fire.

December 24th
Julafton

"I'm happy you're joining us for breakfast today, dear." his mother said. "Please pass the coffee."

Christmas Eve and the fire was almost dead now. He couldn't believe it. Just days ago he had felt so strong and full of life, ready to take on the world and bring down the Crown. Now, he felt like a failure and not much more than that.

He was so disappointed in himself. He had thought that he was strong. Turns out he wasn’t.

He passed his mother the coffee.

December 25th
Juldagen

The fire was dead. No trace of it at all. Just cold and dead and gone.

Wilhelm felt like shit. Christmas Eve had been a distaster. He had sat through a long and silent breakfast with his parents. No tomtegröt this year. No one in the family except Erik had really liked it, and now that he was gone, there was no need to have any on the table.

Wilhelm found himself missing it. He would have given anything to have a plate full of disgusting rice-goo with cinnamon if that meant that it could feel like Erik was sitting beside him again.
But no tomtegröt, and no Erik, and he went up to his room again as soon as breakfast was over.

His father looked sad, his mother looked cold and just kept reading the newspaper, without barely looking at him.

Then it was time to have Christmas lunch and he obeyed his mother and came to sit with them again. Ham with mustard, omelette, Jansons frestelse, meatballs. He ate it all, nothing tasted anything.

Christmas dinner and dessert. His father seemed to feel sorry for him. It felt weird. His mother seemed disappointed. That felt less weird.

December 26th
Annandagen

Another day, another 12 hours of wishing the day would go by fast so he could go back to bed. He had halfheartedly tried searching for his flame somewhere in him, but couldn't find it. It was better to just sleep. Easier.

December 27th

It was snowing when he woke up. His thoughts went instantly to Simon. He sighed. If it would keep snowing and it would actually stay on the ground, he knew that Simon and Sara would make sure to go sledding today. They had told him, talking over eachother, laughing and shoving at eachother, that they always had been quick out with their sleds when the first snow came, and they would keep doing it forever. He had felt so full of love when he heard them tell their stories, and he had told them that he would love to come with them some day and they had agreed, yes, absolutely definitely yes he should come with them.

What a difference a few weeks can make. That plan is most likely out the window now. He had told Simon that he wanted him to be his secret, and Simon had reacted like any sane person with just a grain of self respect would and set up boundaries.

Shame on Wilhelm. But Simon had been right. Wilhelm was kind of expecting everything to be on his terms.

December 28th

Was it possible to lose the love you have for a person this fast? One week had passed since he told Simon that he loved him but he didn't get to hear it back and it probably was back then he slowly started to die a bit more every day even though he thought he would be able to change the world with his own hands very soon.

He didn't feel the love anymore. Maybe it hadn't been love in the first place. Maybe his mother had been right all along. Maybe this just was a pointless unfortunate romance. 

December 29th

His mother is disappointed in him. She's in his beedroom, next to the bed, staring down on him and letting him know this.

He has just woken up, it's apparently way past noon, according to what his mother is shouting at him.

He's turning his back at her and tries to get back to sleep.

He can't get back to sleep, because she's ripping the duvet of him and throws it on the floor.

She's not leaving until he stands up.

When she leaves he sits down on his bed. He don't dare to lie back down. He thinks of Simon. He misses him. He still loves him.

December 30th

He gets up early this day. Or, earlier, than the day before, around 11. It feels like a win. He doesn't have many of them these days. The wins.

He gets a text from August. "Jag ska på en fest ute på Ekerö imorgon, vill du haka?"

Wilhelm musters up enough strenght to roll his eyes. August. The second cousin that he disowned but it turns out he couldn't because his mother wouldn't let him.

And no. He wouldn't go to a party tomorrow for everything in the world, and especially not with August, and definitely not on Ekerö where he's pretty sure he doesn't know a single soul and he will not spend his New Years getting stared and pointed at by strangers.

He doesn't answer. He assumes August will take his silence as a no.  

*********************************

December 21st
Skolavslutning

"Hoppas du får en fin jul."
"Tack Simon."

He didn't want to feel how he did when he watched Wilhelm take a few steps back after telling him that he loved him. Simon could see he expected, or at least hoped, to hear it back.

But Simon couldn't say it.

He felt it. Of course he felt it. His whole fucking body screamed at him to say it back.

But he needed to protect himself. So he just said to the boy he loved that he hoped his Christmas would be nice.

December 22nd

"Pleeease please please please come with me! Please! I don't want to go by myself! Please Simon!"

He couldn't say no to Sara and her Christmas shopping so he put on his jacket and got on the bus to go to the mall with her. Finding one more Christmas present for mamma and then one to that nice lady that lived next door was their mission for the day.

He got stared at while they were getting seated on the bus. It happened now and then. Not every time he was around people, but often enough to bother him. But Sara did a good job being the protective big sister, staring at them until they looked away.

Simon tried making himself small in his seat.

December 23rd
Dan före dopparedan

They had been at home all day, him, Sara and mamma, playing board games, wrapping the last gifts, and preparing the Christmas food together. Simon felt almost only happiness. It was just sometimes that the sadness would come over him. Sometimes, like a little stab to the heart, a cold swoop to the stomach, and he had to pause what he was doing, to just accept that sadness, before he could keep going.

December 24th
Julafton

Simon opened Instagram and closed it again. He had absolutely no interests in seeing the gifts and Christmas trees and dressed up friends in his phone right now. He was there for one purpose, and one purpose only and he knew it was stupid so he tried talking himself out of it.

He succeeded. Although less than a minute later his fingers found their way into the phone, over to the app, opening it and typing in Wilhelms insta name in the search bar.

He needed to see if he looked happy. He thought he would be able to judge by his Instaposts to see if Wilhelm had a good Christmas at home with his parents or not, and he felt a need to know, to check in on him.

But there were no new posts. He hadn't posted anything since Lucia so Simon didn't really know why he was disappointed.

He dropped his phone next to him and started to actively not think about Wilhelm. He had this winter holiday to try to forget him. It could work. He just had to try hard enough, or care little enough.

December 25th
Juldagen

Day after Christmas eve was pizza day in the Eriksson household. Christmas eve had been good, considering everything, including that Micke had sent a text wishing Simon a happy Christmas, making Simon feel like an ass to leave their dad out of their cozy Christmas. But he sent a text back and got back to Monopoly, faking a smile so Sara and mamma wouldn't worry about him. He would be a champion in ignoring his feelings when this holiday was over!

December 26th
Annandagen 

The sadness seemed to come upon him more often today. It was only 2 pm but those cold swoops to his stomach had ben occuring so often already. He wondered how Wilhelm was doing. He hoped he was doing okay. 

December 27th

It was snowing when he woke up. He felt sad, or even almost angry, when his first thought was his and Sara's promise to let Wilhelm go with them on their sledding. He didn't want to feel like this. He didn't want to have this sadness hanging over him. He had set himself free for now, so why couldn't he feel free? 

The went for a few rides in their sleds, but the happiness didn't really find them this year, and they slowly walked home again after just a short while. 

Simon told Sara that he was sorry, but she just smiled at him and told him that they could go another day. 

He smiled back. The smile probably didn't reach his eyes. 

December 28th

Feelings are a fucking curse. He didn't want them. If he couldn't have Wille, he didn't want his feelings either. They are hurting him, and Simon has had enough hurt in his life, thank you very much.

December 29th

He hates feeling like this. Like he's drained of energy and just full of sadness. He wonders how Wille is doing. That thought makes him feel even more sad. He misses him. So fucking much. 

December 30th

"Simme! My cousin, Sahar you know, is throwing a party tomorrow, you want to go there or would you rather just stay home like we planned?"

Ayub is asking Simon, and Simon can see he really wants to go. Simon really doesn't. "I mean, I don't mind staying home with Rosh. You go." he says. 

Ayubs smile falters a little. He clears his throat. "Actually.... Rosh is going to. It was kinda her idea. There's someone there she wanted to meet, and... yeah... Um..." 

His voice dies out. 

Simon smiles a little at him. "You should go. Both of you. I'll stay home, it's okay."

Ayub does that face where it looks like he's five years old and someone just took his candy and threw it on the ground. Simon has to laugh. "It's okay, really. I'm not in a partymood anyway. Please, go, and have fun for me too." 

Ayub smiles hesitantly. Simon knows it really tugs on his loyalty towards his friend. 

"Go. I mean it." 

"Okay. But let's call each other at tolvslaget!"

Simon laughs "Yeah, like there's any reception then, when everyone calls everyone and their grandma! Nah, let's just wish each other a happy new year the day after instead. We're still on for pizza and movies, yeah?" 

Ayub's smile is taking over his whole face. "Definitely man!" 

December 31st
Nyårsafton

Wilhelm sends a text, after trying to talk himself out of it for about 10 minutes. 

Simon gets a text, reads it, smiles, and sends one back. 

23:57 Happy new year.
23:58 Happy new year Wille.

Wille's heart makes a little jump when he gets an immediate answer and he gets some kind of feeling that this, Simon answering his text, and so quickly like he just sat there waiting, is a sign that Simon has maybe started to change his mind. Maybe he wants him back. Maybe they can make this work, hiding but being together, for just a couple of years or so before they can come out publicly.

He feels happy and hopeful when he sends the next text. 

00:03 How are you? Are you at a party? Would you like to maybe meet up some day during the holiday? 

He sits in his bed, staring at his phone with a small smile playing on his lips. It feels like he has some light in his life again, at last. 

His hopes and the light slowly dies though, when no answer comes through. His anxiety starts making noice and he tries to calm himself down. It's nothing, this is nothing. Minute after minute passes and he starts to worry he misinpreted the whole thing. 

Then there's a text. 

00:16 I'm home with mamma and Sara so no party for me. But Wille, no. I don't think it's a good idea to meet. I'm sorry. 

Wilhelms heart drops. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Of course. Obviously Simon doesn't want to meet. Obviously. Wille is stupid stupid stupid and his anxiety is in full bloom now and he has to fight hard to not start hitting himself hard over his head with his fists.  

He quickly sends another text before turning off his phone.

00:19 Ok I understand Im sorry

*********************************

January 7th
First day back in school

"Good morning everyone." 

"Good morning magister Englund." 

"Welcome back to school, it's nice to see you all again. Today we are following the schedule up until lunch. After lunch we are going skating, and after that you're free for the day, and tomorrow we start upp fully with normal hours."

The class is mumbling between each other. The afternoon off sounds great, but having to go iceskate before it just feels like a punishment.

"Silence please. So, there's lunch at 12 as usual, and then as soon as you're done, you can get down to the rink. Those of you that doesn't have skates of your own, just head over to the shed closest to the rink and you'll find skates and helmets there." Another disgruntled mumbling is heard through the class.

"Yes, you are wearing helmets! As long as you are on school grounds, you are our responsibilty, and I will not accept anyone being reckless! Now, you are expected to stay skating until quarter past one. After that you're free to go, but you are allowed to stay until two o clock, that's when the second and third years are coming. Okay, any questions? Good, let's start todays lesson!"

.........

Simon is having a good time skating. Him and Sara and three others went to the shed to borrow skates and helmets and it feels really good now, going lap after lap around the rink, sometimes alone, sometimes next to Sara. Right now he's alone. Sara is skating with Felice and the other girls and he's happy to see her happy. 

Now and then he finds himself next to Wilhelm, before he speeds up to pass him. They smiled to each other the first few times, but then it started feeling a little silly so he just tries not looking at him. 

Simon had realized quickly that Wille had read in way too much in his answer on New Years Eve, and felt really really bad when he tried to contact him but figured out he must've turned off his phone after sending that last text. 

They sorted it out during the rest of the holiday and were now fuilly on board with the fact that they should try being friends now and anything else was out of the question. It was a good plan during the remainder of the holiday, it felt like a good and stable approach, but those feelings had flewn right out the window as soon as they was back in class together. It was almost comic if it hadn't felt so tragic; Simon's feelings were just going berzerk within him where his was sitting on his stupid chair saying his stupid "Here!" seeing that stupid hair on that stupid boy. He guessed it was kind of the same for Wilhelm though, he catched him sneak a few peeks, looking on the verge to some kind of breakdown before looking back at magister Englund, and Simon figured this would be a work in process for both of them. Hard work, but they could do it. They could be just friends. Just friends. 

......

It's sixteen minutes past one and not one single student is skating anymore. Simon is sitting on a bench putting on his cold shoes when Sara comes to him with her things. She's making her best puppy eyes while asking him to take her skates and helmet to the shed as she's gonna spend the afternoon with Felice and the other girls and she wants to go with them as quickly as possible. 

"Sure, absolutely you dork. Are you going home with the four thirty-bus though?" he asks her, while hanging her stuff over his arm next to his own. 

"Thank you, and yeah, I'll meet you by the bus stop, ok? You were going to the library now, right?" 

"Yep. Okay, see you then." 

When Sara hurries away, shouting a thank you to him and catching up with Felice, two of the students that also borrowed skates comes up to him and asks if he can take their things too. Before he has time to answer, his arm is suddenly heavier with the double amount of skates and helmets as he's watching the backs of the two students disappear from him. A third one comes up to him. "Are you going to the shed? Is it too much to ask for you to take my stuff too?"

Simon just sighs and streches out his other arm. The student thanks him and scurries off. 

It's not a long walk to the shed. A minute, max, but four sets of skates and helmets carried on one arm is not the easiest to carry and he swears silently to himself. Suddendly he hears footsteps behind him, and a voice he would recogize anywhere. "You want help with those?" 

Simon does want help, his arm feels like it's about to break and he's afraid that some of the skates are going to start dig into his leg any second, but he's also afraid that this interaction of them walking alone in the opposite way of everyone else is being too much, too soon. He's about to turn Wille down, but changes his mind. They can do this. They have agreed to keep things friendly and nothing more. They are not animals now are they? So he turns to him and says "Yes please. Fuck, this shit's heavy!" while Wille takes two of the sets and hangs on his own arm. 

They walk in silence the last bit and works together still silent to place the things on their designated hooks. 

Wille is done and sitting on a big wooden box right by the door when Simon turns around. "Ready?" Wille says, but all Simon can do is stare at him. It's unreal how much he wants him. Fuck. He wasn't prepared for this, the feeling came over him totally unannounced. His whole body is just screaming at him that this is wrong, them being just friends. Right now he has a horrible feeling that him and Wilhelm could never be just friends. 

So he just nods, doesn't even try to smile or anything, he just needs to get out, now, too overwhelmed with this feeling that hijacked his brain with absolutely no warning! 

He takes the few steps that is between him and the door, unfortenately thay also makes him get closer to Wille. He's right there, right next to him, so all Simon needs to do is to pass him on the way out, or follow him out if he's the one to enter first. But his feet stops moving just when they're next to eachother. He literally can't take another step. Okay, he has to solve this. Maybe if he just lifts his head and look at Wille, he will get the last push to get out of this cramped space that honestly is feeling like it's closing in on him by the second. 

"Are you okay?" Wille says, and he has no right to sound so caring and considerate right now. 

"Wille..." Simon answeres in a way that sounds almost like he's warning him to say another word. Wille looks confused. 

Simon's feet still doesn't work so he just turns a little and leans towards whatever is next to him, and now they are facing each other. The door is just next to him, so close but so damn far away. Wilhelm has a somewhat concerned look on his face and Simon just hopes he himself doesn't look exactly as bewildered as he feels. 

"What's... going on? How are you?" Wille says, still looking confused and also a bit worried. 

And what are Simon supposed to answer? What's he supposed to do? He can't move, he won't explain, he just - wants. 

And then suddenly, there's like something shifts in Wille. Like he suddenly understands. Simon can see it in his eyes. It looks like he goes through a million thoughts at once, and probably all of them must lead up to the same thing. 

"Simon..." he says, carefully. He still have the text-misunderstanding on New Years fresh in memory and is not at all interested in experiencing that agony again. It feels clear as day, what he's seeing in front of him, but he will not assume anything until Simon says it out loud. 

"Wille, I...." and Simon cannot for the world allow himself to say exactly what he feels, he will destroy everything they are trying to build, so instead he tries to lie. "...I have to get out." he settles with, and then proceeds with doing absolutely nothing about it. 

Wille feels like he's in some kind of Twilight Zone. What he's witnessing and what his gut is telling him are exactly the same, but Simon needs to be more clear to him about it. 

"Please, Simon. Tell me. Tell me what you're... feeling." 

And Simon inhales sharply and looks terrified when he says "...I can't." 

Wille finds himself thinking that the cliché of the air between two people being so loaded you could cut it with a knife, is really fitting right now. The space between them feels electric, like if he would stretch out a finger to touch Simon, they would be able to see sparks. 

So he doesn't. It's not time for sparks, yet. He stands still, waiting for Simon to take the next step, any step, whether it is to leave as he claims that is what he wants, or if it is... something else. Wille will not initiate anything this time. 

His heart is pounding so hard in his chest while waiting for Simon to do something, do anything. And then there is something. A small twitch in his hand, just the smallest movement, and Wille's eyes goes there before his brain even registers it. Before he can think or stop himself, he makes the same tiny motion with his own hand, as if he's inviting Simon to push a little further.

And in the blink of an eye, Simon takes that next tiny step; he's stretching out his hand, they are standing so close so if they both reach out they could easily touch and take eachother's hands, and that is what Wille does next. He was almost right, he doesn't see sparks, but he will, for the rest of his life, claim that he can feel actual sparks when touching Simon's hand and he inhales as sharply as Simon did before, and he gets a feeling that nothing, nothing at all in the world, means anything if he can't spend the rest of his days with this person that is intertwining his fingers with his own right now. 

And then Simon is in his space. Right there in front of him, their bodies just millimeters apart, and Simon is waiting for Wille to give him some kind of sign that it's okay to proceed, and the sign just happens to be Wille throwing his arms around him, pressing him into his chest, and then their lips meet and Wille's whole body turns into mush and he kind of shortcircuits before coming back into himself to start kissing Simon while everything inside him that had been sleeping since the past month is exploding back into life.

.....

Maybe it's yet another cliché, but maybe his life will be nothing but clichés from now on and he would be totally okay with it - because it feels like he can breath again. Like he has spent a month submerged under water, hearing and seeing and breathing, but muffled and murky and cut off from the world. This, this right here, having Simon pressed hard into him, kissing him (kissing him!!) is what he needs and has to have for the rest of his life and he wants to fight as hard as he possibly can to get it! 

Simon's lips is on his neck now, Wille thinks that this must be what heaven feels like, and then he's hooking his legs around Simon's body, pressing himself into him, almost falling off his stupid box when Simon emits a sound that sounds like a delicate and forever haunting mix between a moan and a sob. 

Simon's hands has been traveling repetedly between Wille's back up to his neck, into his hair, covering his cheeks, before finding his back again, but now they are slowing down, and in a trembling way finding Wille's front. They are covering his thighs, making chills go up his spine in the most amazing of ways. Simon's fingers are reaching higher up, creeping in under the hem of Wille's jacket, and all the air leaves his lungs when they find exactly the place they were searching for. Another moan, he thinks it's himself but his head is buzzing so loud he can't be sure, and suddenly it feels like they are both wearing way too much clothes. It's not like he's expecting anything more than this, he just needs to feel Simon closer, so he lets go of him for a few seconds to open up his jacket, and Simon gets it, he's fully on board with that thought, so he takes a step back to unzip his own jacket and then they're back at each other. 

Somewhere, far back in Wille's head, he's trying to think of the time; how long have they been in the shed, when were the other classes coming, what time is it now, but everything associated with being a planning and coherent human being flows right out the window when he feels Simon starting to unbutton his jeans. 

He doesn't want to react like he does, but apparently he has no say in it, because his jaw drops and he's just sitting there, panting, feeling, and probably looking like a fool while staring at Simon with big eyes, only being able to nod when Simon says "Can I?"

And everything after that turns into a jumble of feelings and emotions, and every trace of trying to calculate time is definitely dead, he gets down from the box, Simon unzips his fly and pulls down Wille's jeans and boxers in one go, drops to his knees and goes right in, no hesitation what so ever. 

Wille can barely breath, can barely stay upright, he's leaning back on the box supported on his hands, just hoping his legs won't just give up from the feeling of Simon's warm wet mouth around him. 

......

He wants to touch him, needs to feel him, he really really is desperate to have Simon's curls under his fingers, but the way Simon is having him slide in and out of his mouth, and the pressure he adds with his hand around him is making him dizzy and he really don't want to lose his balance now, not now!, but he needs to have more physical contact with his boy. So he leans back a little more, keeping himself steady with his left hand, trusting himself to manage this, and then at last, his hand is in Simon's hair and his fingers are gripping the curls. It's an amazing feeling, having someone (Simon! Simon!!) in front of him, around him, feeling him move under Wille's hand, knowing that this all comes from a source of pure lust, and it's getting to him, it makes amazing sensations roll over him again and again and he revels in feeling Simon and hearing his sounds, having him under his hands, and shit he's getting really close now. 

He's been watching Simon, almost like in awe until now but he has to look away, needs to close his eyes instead to try to think of something else, anything to take his mind off how fucking amazing Simon is making him feel but it's impossible. He doesn't even know why he's trying. He was a lost cause since that moment of realization that Simon wanted him and now he's just going downhill and is having to accept it. 

......

He holds out for longer than he thought was humanly possible but all good things must come to an end, and he's reaching that end in record speed. He has no idea what Simon's plan is, if he even has one, but when he a little bit hysterical whispers "Simon, Simon, I'm... it's..." Simon just intensifies everything he's been doing until now and okay, that's it, this has been fun, but it's definitely over now! Wille slaps his hand over his mouth to try to not sound to loud, and tries very very best to stay standing and not totally collapse on the floor when he finally gets to finish. 

.….

When Wille gets back into his body after what he later is going refer to as a holy experience, he slowly opens his eyes to try and regain focus and get a sense of where, how and why he is, and then he sees Simon. He's getting up from the dirty and cold floor and Wille is quick to reach out a hand to help him. Suddenly Simon is in his arms again and he is already planning on the things he wants to do to him when they hear voices. They both freeze, Simon takes a panicked step back, Wille hurries to put himself in order and button up his jeans, Simons hands gets up to his hair to try to fix what he can sense is more similar to a birds nest than the curls he ususally cares for so lovingly. 

They stand still, just staring at each other with wide eyes, and then relaxing a bit when they hear the voices disappear again. 

"Maybe we should..." Simon gestures vaguely towards the door. 

Wille nods hesitantly, he really wanted to give Simon some kind of reciprocation, but he realises that there's a time and place for everything, and their time together in this shed has most likely come to an end. 

....

They are slowly walking towards the school, trying to have some kind of normal conversation but it's like the words doesn't really want to come out. Simon tries to remember what he was supposed to do in the library and Wilhelm is falling more and more silent the closer to the school they get. Simon sneaks a few glances now and then and Wille looks deep in thought and Simon is starting to get anxious. Fuck, they shouldn't have done this, he can tell Wille is starting to regret it all and he will throw Simon away like a broken toy and-  he's just about to spiral straight into negativity when Wille abruptly halts. 

"Simon." he says and Simon stops and turns to him. Wille pauses for a second or two and just looks at Simon, and then he says "Do you want me?"

And all Simon can do is to make a confused face and answering "Va?". His brain can't really comprehend this sudden question. What does he mean does he want him, isn't that pretty obvious? So instead of answering properly, he just looks pointedly over to the shed, blushing. 

Wille laughs "I didn't mean that, weirdo! I meant... do you want me? Really? Like, all of me, everything that comes with being... with me?"

Simon looks unsure. "What do you mean...?" he asks slowly, not really daring to hope that Wille is about to say what it sounds like he's about to. 

"Mom asked me before, if I thought it would be worth it. Being with you, being in a relationship with you, being public about it. That all the attention we got from, you know, the video, is nothing compared to what we will experience for the rest of our lives. But Simon, I don't care. I honestly don't. Let them talk, let them laugh, I don't care. I love you, I want to live the rest of my fucking life with you and I will not hide you! So I'm asking you, do you want me, too?"

Simon feels like his own ears is just making this up, could it be true, what Wille is standing in front of him, asking him? 

So like a fool, he just nods for the first few seconds, before he laughs and tells Wille yes yes yes, and of course he wants him. Wille laughs with him with sparkling eyes, but then he gets serious. "I have to call my mom. I have to... tell her, that this is decided." He makes a face and Simon can understand it's not the easiest call Wille have had to make. 

The Queen seems to answer quickly, because before Simon knows it, Wille starts to speak.

"Hej det är jag. I've made up my mind. It's going to be worth it. I want to be with Simon, and we have just spoken and he wants this too, and we are ready for whatever might come, we realize it might be rough sometimes and- what? Okay? Are you... saying okay?" 

Wille stops talking and looks at Simon before looking away, and then back at Simon again before he starts to talk.

"Okay.... Yes. Okay. I don't know. Yeah. No of course not! Okay. Okay. Okay, yes. Mm, älskar dig med." 

He shuts his phone, puts it in his jacket and laughs in an I-can't-believe-what-just-fucking-happened-kind of way while staring at Simon. 

"She was like 'Okay, I'll get started on the work around it, you better not get caught on video again, I love you.' and that was it. Simon, I-" and the rest of the words he was about to say is disappearing into Simons laughing and kissing mouth.

They kiss for a long long time, or at least as long as the minutes it takes before the second and third years to walk up to them, whistling and shouting, and they stop kissing and starts laughing, and they show them their middle fingers before hurrying back to school, into Wille's room where they make sure to lock the door and cover the windows with the curtains before landing in Wille's bed.