Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Please if you can hear this we need help. Volan II is a Federation colony!” she yelled into the communicator as the green ships on the radar screen failed to move any closer.

“Please!” Juniper screamed, her throat sore from repeating the same cry for help over and over.

The door to the radio room slammed open and a Cardassian Glinn in full armor holding a disruptor filled the doorway. Juniper frantically started flipping open every channel, screaming her plea for help to anyone who would listen until gloved hands yanked her from the radio and dragged her out into the mud outside. She struggled in their grip, kicking and twisting but they were larger, and she was out numbered.

“Tell me where they went,” the Glinn asked calmly. Juniper spit at his feet, a glob of saliva hitting the toe of his boot. “Wonderful. I’ve been waiting to use my new tool.”

Cuffs snapped around her wrists. They trembled against her skin giving off a harsh hum before they snapped apart, wrenching her arms apart as far as they would go in either direction. She cried out, her body hanging between the two points like a piece of laundry. The Glinn grabbed her chin and yanked it up forcing her to look into in his cold gray eyes.

“Let’s have some fun.”

Juniper woke from the dream in a cold sweat, her legs tangled with her blankets, her head nearly hitting the ceiling of the cabin. The room was quiet, the other three bunks’ occupants already on their shift. She looked at the clock set into the shelf beside her bed. It was still early for her, but Juniper feared going back to sleep would only bring back more memories. She slipped down the ladder and groped in the dark for the light switch.

Harsh white light filled the windowless room. She looked at the bunks. The far side of the room was taken by two Starfleet girls, their shelves and walls coated in family photos and certificates from the academy. She ignored it, turning to her closet where only two items hung: her duty uniform and her father’s old jacket. She considered taking the ancient leather garment out, but she didn’t like the looks she earned wearing it out on the decks. Besides, she might as well get ready for her shift.

Her Starfleet uniform chaffed her neck, the heavy bar marking her as a former Maquis weighing down the fabric. It held a single black line slashed across it: the lowest rank a person could be aboard the ship.

Despite living for nearly three years aboard the USS Voyager, Juniper Dart still felt like an imposter. Checking the garment in the mirror it still felt like someone else’s. A costume she put on to entertain the senior officers but didn’t truly own.

The door slid open and Vavi Larn walked in, a bounce in her step. She had been one of the Maquis aboard the Val Jean with Juniper. A charismatic Bajoran with a dazzling smile who could pull a laugh out of nearly everyone on board. She was pretty too, with delicate ridges along her nose and short cropped auburn hair. She even had a Starfleet officer under her thumb—a Lieutenant Jason Wallace that was seen following her around the mess hall and turbolifts whenever he could. She had fallen into step with the Federation crew almost immediately, blending in easily with everyone else despite the provisional rank on her uniform.

“Look who is awake!” Crewman Vavi Larn smiled. “Everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” Juniper said, stepping out of the way so Vavi could reach her bunk. Vavi slid into the bed below Juniper’s, her shelf covered in gifts from her Starfleet man. Vases and jewelry and little notes she’d pinned to the wall.

Vavi picked up a PADD and began tapping against the screen, smiling to herself. Juniper leaned against the metal bunk frame, looking over her shoulder. She seemed to be making reservations for a holodeck. “Hot date tonight?”

“You know it,” she said with a wink and a flash of that dazzling smile.

She was happy that Vavi had a reason to smile but she couldn’t quiet the envy that burned in her gut. When they’d first come aboard Voyager three years ago it had been the two of them together all the time. They’d worked in the transporter rooms together, taking their meals together. It was Vavi she had laughed over Federation customs with, made fun of the uniforms and gossiped about the officers with. Now she’d gone and found herself the poster boy for Starfleet and she was barely around anymore.

“Kosst,” Vavi cursed, the universal translator faltering with the Bajoran slang. Closer to home it’d be an easy fix but the need to ration power and supplies left the translator in a sorry state of neglect. They had to forgo the constant software patches afforded them in the Alpha Quadrant and it seemed they had snuck away with a few bugs, not to mention the aging transmitters set in the walls. “I’m out of holodeck rations.”

Another unfortunate byproduct of being stuck in the Delta Quadrant: a holodeck with impossible options that could only be used for an hour a week.

“You can use mine,” Juniper said. She rarely used them anyway. Her time on the holodeck usually made coming back to the world of Voyager more depressing. “My code is Dart-652.”

“Thank you, Juni!” Vavi said, throwing an arm around her in a lazy hug. “I’ll pay you back as soon as I can.”

Juniper had known Vavi for going on five years now and no, she would not pay her back.

“Enjoy your time with Wallace. I don’t know what you see him in, but he must have something special,” Juniper said. Lt. Wallace was the most generic human male she’d ever seen. An officer with a weird Earth accent that pulled at his vowels and too many jokes about golf. His teeth were too straight and his conversation dull, but Vavi was quite taken with him.

“He makes me laugh. If you’d eat with us at the mess hall you’d get to see how nice he is,” Vavi said. She was constantly inviting Juniper to hang out with Starfleet crew. At first she tried to humor her friend but she only felt uncomfortable in their presence. Most of them were from Earth and had shared memories of the Academy, Juniper could talk about neither. The topic would veer too close to home and suddenly Juniper would be in a shouting match with some Ensign willing to die for the Federation’s honor.

“Maybe next week,” Juniper said. That’s what she always said.

Vavi said a quick goodbye and left for her date and Juniper still had a few hours before her shift and it was rare to have the room entirely to herself. For a starship it was surprisingly hard to find a quiet corner to decompress.

The door swished open and the voices of Ensign Taan and Yeoman Rordin filled the small space. They were both humans, fresh-faced, and practically attached at the hip. They had matching blue science uniforms and ink dark hair. The main difference between the two was Rordin standing a foot taller and covered head to two in freckles.

“That’s what I told them—” Taan said and quickly cut her conversation short when she saw the room was not empty.

“Evening, Dart.” Rordin said.

The trio stood awkwardly in the middle of the room as it became clear that whatever conversation the pair had been having was private and would not continue in her presence.

“I was, uh, just leaving,” Juniper said with a weak smile and stepped out.

She didn’t dislike Taan and Rordin but it was crystal clear that they were not her friends. As far as personal relationships on Voyager went, that was successful for Dart. She knew she had to keep on their good side because she was already on her fifth room assignment and she doubted Tuvok would stand for another one.

The first one had ended after she’d snapped at some daughter of an Admiral and called her a bootlicker. The second one involved a Yeoman’s boyfriend and an intense argument over the validity of the Maquis mission that ended with a couple of tables knocked over in the mess hall and a tray of food down the man’s uniform.

The rest followed a similar pattern. A disagreement would swell to a breaking point and she’d end up in Tuvok’s office again. The black chair in front of his desk was horribly uncomfortable but she’d spent nearly a quarter of her time on Voyager in it.

A demerit, which she didn’t completely understand the use for and did not care about, and loss of privileges. She had barely had any holodeck credits at all, it was a miracle she had one to give Vavi today.

To be completely honest, Juniper was trying. She couldn’t cause trouble for the entire trip home but she had little to occupy her mind. The night shift in Engineering was dull and the metal walls of the ship seemed to close in further every day. There were plenty of cruel things she could say to Taan and Rordin but she kept them to herself. She needed to make friends, or at least acquaintances, if she hoped to get back to the Alpha Quadrant without losing her mind.

What frustrated her the most was that Vavi, Chakotay and even Torres were all acclimating to this new climate easier than she was. Dart was still getting written up for uniform violations and disrespecting rank and Vavi was practically Starfleet.

She wandered around the corridors, reluctant to spend any more time in her quarters but not having anywhere to be. She usually kept to the halls that led her from crew rooms to the mess hall and Engineering. Anything outside of that usually got her in trouble.

Dart was moving down the hall when she saw Tuvok step out of a turbolift. She jumped at the occasion, snapping her feet to attention.

“Lieutenant Tuvok,” she greeted him, trying to appear like a proper Starfleet cadet.

“Your rank is askew, Crewman Dart,” he said plainly before moving on. Juniper raised a hand to her neck and found the bar hanging down vertically having lost its purchase on her under shirt.

She grit her teeth, yanking it off entirely and shoving it in her pocket. Even when she tried she was wrong. Rank be damned—Starfleet be damned.

Dart ducked into a rec room that was thankfully empty and collapsed into a chair. She stared up at the ceiling, willing the angry tears gathering her eyes away, her fingers biting into the leather of the armrests.

She thought of Volan II. The colony she had grown up in had to be gone by now. The Cardassians had started its destruction when she left for the Maquis, now it would be rubble. A Cardassian fort built on top of the bones of the farming village she had called home.

She had to give one thing to Starfleet, their uniforms made it easy to forget about her past. The high neck hid the twisted scars covering her back well. She could probably have them cleaned up in the medbay, but then she’d have to admit they were there. The Doctor was not exactly discreet and there would probably be a public log about Cardassian weapons and their effect on human dermal tissue by the end of the day.

Dart closed her eyes. She had left Volan II to prove something. To live free from Federation and Cardassian rule when they both proved not to care about her. The Maquis had cared, but now that family she had found aboard the Val Jean was gone, melted into matching yellow, blue and red cut outs.

Living on Voyager was a miserable existence. Life was rougher in the Maquis but it had meant something. Now everything they did was for nothing. Sweat and blood shed for another day of the same thing, just as far from home as they were before.

At least on Volan II and on the Val Jean she had been busy. She’d been sweaty, her hands coated in grease, but she achieved something. Here she checked a box. They wanted her to play nice, smile and look the part. She’d never been particularly good at playing pretend.

The door swished open and Dart jerked up. No doubt she’d be lectured on the Starfleet rules for leaning too far back in a chair or something equally as absurd but was surprised to find an unfamiliar face in the doorway. Juniper had been assigned to the night shift for some time now as it kept her from running into other crew members and significantly lowered chances of bickering, but that meant her roommates and Engineering colleagues were the only people she saw. This man was not a part of her usual bubble.

He was tall and lean and very obviously a Vulan: pointed ears, angular brow, and a painfully neutral expression. A thin scar crossed through his top lip and crept up into his cheek. His uniform was slashed with blue and a single pip was affixed to his collar.

“I have reserved this room for the next two hours,” he announced.

Juniper couldn’t hold back the dramatic sigh that left her lips. She couldn’t sit in her room without Taan and Rordin wishing she was gone, she gave her holodeck ration to Vavi, and every time she went to the mess hall alone she ended up in a fight that ended with another demerit on her made up Starfleet record. Could she not have a single moment to simply exist? She slid down in her chair, throwing her neck over the back and going limp.

“Are you ill?” the Vulcan asked.

“There are so few quiet places here, can’t you cut me a break, man?” she said.

“I am not your duty officer,” he said, “and do not have authority to assign break times.”

“No, not that kind of break,” Juniper said, pressing a hand to her temple to quell the headache forming behind her eye socket. “I mean, can you let me sit here for just a little while?”

“What would be the purpose of reserving rooms if we do not adhere to the schedule?”

“Fine,” Juniper said, standing up and flicking her hands out at the room around her. “Enjoy your reservation, Ensign.”

His eyes went to her collar to check rank which of course he did not find. “Your uniform is not within Starfleet regulations. Rank must be displayed at—”

“I know,” she said, frustration leaking into her voice. Juniper shoved her hand into her pocket and pulled out her bar. She slapped it to her collar, fixing it with a sloppy hand.

“It is lopsided, Crewman,” he said. Juniper was ready to roll her eyes when he continued. “Though I cannot expect much from a former criminal such as yourself.”

“Excuse me?” There was a warning in her voice, one that this man clearly ignored.

“The Federation sees the Maquis as a criminal organization. Despite what wisdom Lieutenant Tuvok and Commander Chakotay may have imparted on you and the other members from the Val Jean, it is impossible to truly rise to Starfleet standards unless one has graduated the Academy with the appropriate amount of credits. Thus your ignorance regarding protocol is understandable.”

“Actually,” Juniper said, pursing her lips and settling back down in her chair. “I think I’ll stay right here.”

“I have already informed you that I have reserved this room for this block of time,” the Ensign said.

“And I am ignorant of protocol and think I will stay right here,” Juniper said, throwing her feet up on the table in front of her and folding her hands behind her head. The Vulcan paused.

“What is your name, Crewman?”

“Are you going to rat on me to Tuvok?” she asked with a smile.

“If you do not respect the rules and regulations of this ship, yes.”

“Cochrane, first name Zefram,” Juniper smiled.

“You are joking.”

“Can’t get anything by you. What was your name again?”

“I never stated it. My name is Sevik,” he answered, his voice clipped. “Now state your name.”

“James T. Kirk.”

“You are defying a junior officer’s request.”

“Are you going to throw me in the brig, Sevik?” Juniper asked, all her frustration from the last three years coming to a head. “Are you going to have me court marshalled? I’d like to see how that would go with no judge and no true Starfleet crewman to try.”

“I will escort you to Lt. Tuvok if necessary,” he said, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you threatening me, Ensign?” Juniper asked, shocked but intrigued. She had bad run-ins with junior officers before but they usually ended in a snide comment and nasty glare. This was completely different and it was entertaining. She almost felt like herself again.

“It seems to be the one language the Maquis understand,” Sevik said.

“And what does the Federation speak in but rules and treaties that leave people to die.” Her voice was so bitter she could practically taste it on her tongue.

“Crewman, I am not the Federation. Expressing your anger will do nothing to fix your situation in the Alpha Quadrant or your status aboard Voyager,” Sevik said, meeting her glare. Juniper knew he was right. That he was simply a stand in for her fury at an organization bigger than herself and lightyears away. Still, she refused to relent. She’d been saluting and groveling to Starfleet officers for three years and was still in the same predicament she was in when she boarded. If she couldn’t play by their rules when she tried then why try at all?

“If you want this room, Ensign, you’ll have to go through me to get it,” she said, determined to get her way.

Much to her surprise, Ensign Sevik took her at her word. He grabbed her shoulder and with a strength and fluidity that was too smooth to ever be called human, lightly shoved her into the corridor. Juniper had just the briefest moment to collect what had happened and look at him before the doors slid closed and locked her out.

Her little quarrel with Ensign Sevik had been one of the highlights of the week for Juniper which was concerning considering it was also the worst part of her week. However, she made sure to set up the following week for success by booking Sevik’s precious rec room for the entire month. She even booked the other empty ones so there was no other room to take.

Was it petty? Yes, but sometimes battles had to be fought dirty.

The poor Ensign didn’t seem to notice her game until Tuesday because that is when she found him standing outside her quarters when she was returning from her shift. Juniper shoved her hands into her pockets and approached him with a smug smile.

“Lost, Ensign?”

“I am right where I intend to be, Crewman Dart,” he said, putting an emphasis on her name that she was sure he learned from the long rec room roster she had spent hours filling in.

“What brings you to my corner of Voyager?” Juniper asked.

“You have reserved my usual recreation room, and every other available space, for the next thirty days. You cannot possibly use all that space at the same time. It leads me to believe you have done this in retaliation,” he said.

“You are correct, Ensign. I see Starfleet only sends their best and brightest,” Juniper said.

“I see,” Sevik said. “Good day, Crewman Dart.”

Sevik turned on his heel and marched down the hallway. He wasn’t expressive but Juniper liked to think it was in defeat.

She stepped into her quarters, triumphant, and found Taan and Rordin standing close to the door.

“Was that Ensign Sevik?” Taan asked, peering into the corridor.

“Yeah?” Juniper said, moving to her bunk. “We had a disagreement, but I think he’s learned the error of his ways now.”

Taan and Rordin shared a look.

“What?” Juniper asked, catching the sly glance.

“Nothing. We’re just not surprised you had a run-in with Sevik,” Taan said.

“He’s… notorious in the science division for being… um how should I put this,” Rordin paused, pressing a finger to her lips.

“An ass?” Juniper offered.

“Yes. He’s an ass,” Rordin said with a smile.

“Yeah, well I don’t have to be a scientist to figure that out,” Juniper said.

Juniper climbed into her bunk as her roommates readied for a shift. They divulged stories to her about all the tedious tasks Sevik had made them do whenever they’re assigned to the nightshift. Reorganizing every file on the database to fit the way he thought they should be done, recleaning every test tube, flask, and container in every lab because they weren’t up to his standards. They went on and on, so eager to vent to Dart about how much they hated their supervisor that they were almost late to their shift.

She would have to thank Sevik for being more of a nuisance than she was.

Juniper nearly jumped when her communicator buzzed.

“Lieutenant Tuvok to Crewman Dart.”

“Dart here.”

“Report to the security office immediately.”

Dart was not Tuvok’s favorite crewmember on board, and she knew it. It was with great reluctance that she stepped into his office.

“Dart, take a seat,” Tuvok said, motioning to the chair beside Sevik. The Ensign’s face was a perfect model of Vulcan control, but she imagined how smug he must feel behind it.

“I’d rather stand,” she said.

“Fine. Crewman Dart, your rec room privileges have been suspended for the month,” Tuvok said. “You have abused the reservation program and all your current reservations have been erased.”

“Great. Are we done here?”

“Crewman Dart I assume I do not have to remind you of the proper way of speaking to a senior officer,” Tuvok said.

“You do not,” Juniper said and then added a hurried, “Sir.”

His lips pressed into a firm line.

“It seems, despite my best efforts, you are still finding it difficult to acclimate to Starfleet command,” Tuvok said. If his best efforts were chiding her in the corridor occasionally then he wasn’t trying very hard. His gaze moved from her to the Vulcan across from him. “Ensign you have a perfect record with Starfleet and consistently adhere to Starfleet standards. Ensign Sevik, you shall give Crewman Dart protocol lessons once a week from here on out,” Tuvok said, with a note of finality.

“I do not have the time to teach Crewman Dart a cadet course,” Sevik said. He hadn’t moved from his spot in the chair, nor had a muscle twitched in his face but his displeasure in the task was evident.

“I suggest you make time, Ensign. This is an order,” Tuvok said.

There would be no further discussion, that was evident, and Sevik and Juniper ended up in the corridor outside of the security office fuming. Sevik immediately took off down the hall and Dart followed.

“That didn’t go how you planned, did it?” she called after him. He stopped and turned to look down at her.

“You said yourself how difficult it is to find a quiet place in Voyager where one can have a moment of peace. You could not have one so you have taken away mine,” he said. “I understand that humans often feel satisfied when they cause others pain but it seems highly illogical.”

“You don’t look like you’re in pain yet, Ensign, but I’m sure I could do something about that,” Juniper said with a smile.

“Is that another joke?”

“It’s a threat.”

“Threatening an officer is punishable by time in the brig. You would know that if you had read the Starfleet handbook all the Maquis were given—”

“Are we capable of learning or are we dirty criminals forever? Honestly Ensign, make up your mind.”

“Many Maquis have proven they are capable of working together and following Starfleet rules. You are the exception.”

“And from what I’ve heard you’re one of the few Starfleet members who people can’t stand,” Juniper said, her mind on Taan and Rordin. Sevik blinked and it was like watching a computer download an update. Was he not aware of what people thought of him?

“You can inform my colleagues that if any of them are unhappy with my work they are free to bring it to me directly,” he said, a crease forming in the middle of his brow.

“It’s not your work they find unpleasant,” Juniper said.

The Vulcan took a beat, his sharp features remaining still as her words hit him.

“I will send you information concerning your lessons, Crewman,” Sevik said before retreating down the corridor.

“Oh no, Dart I’m sorry,” Taan said. When the day shift returned, Juniper recounted to her roommates about her new extra curricular activity with their dear Ensign Sevik.

“He’s already sent me homework,” Juniper said, holding up her PADD with the long file concerning Starfleet uniform requirements across the screen. Sevik had sent it with a message that said only: Read it.

“It’s been three years, why are we even wearing uniforms,” Vavi pointed out. “No one knows what they mean. We should all just wear those shirts they like on the holodeck—what are they called Sinead?”

“Hawaiian shirts,” Rordin answered.

“That’s it, we should all wear Hawaiian shirts,” Vavi said with a smile. “It’d make no difference to the aliens we encounter.”

“You’re right,” Juniper said and flung the PADD across her bunk. “I’m not reading that. We should all be in sweatpants! You know I’ve been written up for being out of uniform while off duty. How ridiculous is that?”

“They’ll have to give in eventually,” Taan said. “By the time we reach the Alpha Quadrant the uniform will have been changed anyway.”

Juniper’s PADD beeped and she reached over to grab it.

“He sent me another file,” she groaned, clicking through it. “I’m not reading any of these.”

She abandoned the PADD again and followed Vavi, Taan, and Rordin to the mess hall instead.

The meeting room Sevik reserved for their lessons was a cramped space in the interior of the ship without a window or even a plant to look at. Just a plain table and a few chairs scattered around it. The Ensign was already there when she arrived, looking as stiff as ever.

“Did you read the handbook I sent you?” Sevik asked.

“I skimmed it,” Juniper lied as she slumped into a chair opposite him.

“Could you please recite what Regulation 476.9 is?”

“I was supposed to memorize the entire thing?” Juniper asked, aghast. Even if she had read it she couldn’t have possibly provided the information he was asking.

“It is required knowledge for working crewmen aboard Starfleet vessels.”

“Half of it doesn’t apply to us because we’re outside of Federation space and the other half is common sense,” Juniper pointed out. “And of the rules that do apply most of them are concerning officer conduct. There is very little I need to know.”

“And yet you still came with an improper uniform.”

Juniper looked down trying to figure out what was wrong with her uniform. She’d made sure to stick her rank appropriately to her collar before arriving.

“What, this?” Juniper asked, holding up an arm. She’d rolled her sleeves up during her shift and never pushed them back down.

“It’s unprofessional.”

“I didn’t want to catch my sleeve with a plasma torch.”

“Then you should hone your skills with a plasma torch.”

Juniper glared at him while she yanked her sleeves back down.

“Better?”

“I’m assuming you paid better attention to the Starfleet Safety Protocols. Please recall SFRA 3983.”

“I can’t think in numbers and abbreviations like that.”

“It prohibits the use of Ultritium 283 in class K planetary environments.”

“Why would I need to know that? We don’t have any Ultitium here or probably anywhere in the Delta Quadrant,” Juniper said. “And I doubt we’d find a Class K planet anywhere here since there’s no humans to adapt anything!”

“There is no need to raise your voice,” Sevik said. “Despite my being in the science division I am familiar with all protocol for Engineering personnel. It is only logical to familiarize yourself with every roll on board.”

“I bet you know all about the Captaincy too,” Juniper said.

“I do not desire to be a Captain,” Sevik said.

“Are you sure? Because you sure do enjoy bossing me around.”

“Enjoy?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh shut up, you enjoy things.”

“Are you asking me to respond or telling me to be quiet?”

“Respond! You enjoy things. You enjoy doing this,” Juniper said, waving to the space between them.

“I have no strong feelings about this interaction,” Sevik said. He gave deadpane a new definition. “Nor do I have any thoughts concerning you beyond what is being required of me by Lieutenant Tuvok.”

Sevik sure was cold, even for a Vulcan.

“Now, please list the forty-seven sub-orders of the Prime Directive.”

Sevik’s lessons were by far the worst part of her week. Even when she did look over the handbook she rarely was able to answer him in the way he wanted. The Ensign seemed to despise paraphrasing at all and especially disliked Juniper’s specific flavor of description.

“I don’t have time to memorize the handbook, Sevik, I have shifts,” she had said after failing to appropriately recite word for word the proper way of logging antimatter injection system use. Sevik had responded:

“You have at least seventy years on Voyager to do it.”

The idea of being belittled by Ensign Sevik once a week for the rest of her life had dragged her down. She tried to think of Voyager’s timeline as little as possible but it was becoming harder to ignore. They were closing in on three years of their lives wasted.

Volan II had kept her busy growing food and then tiptoeing around Cardassians. The Maquis had given her purpose and a phaser. Voyager had taken all of those things away and replaced them with a conduct handbook. It wasn’t a mystery as to why she wasn’t adjusting well, but they didn’t seem to care about the why only the “when.”

It’s hard to stop running when that’s all you’ve ever done. And it’s hard to feel safe when you’ve done nothing but look over your shoulder.

Juniper Dart reluctantly arrived at Holodeck Three after her last shift of the week per Sevik’s request. They’d been having lessons for about a month, each one worse than the last. Sevik had decided to move them out of the stuffy meeting room and onto the holodeck where she was sure he was going to make this brilliant piece of technology tear-inducingly boring. The program was already running as she entered and she found Ensign Sevik waiting on the bridge of a ship waiting for her. It looked a bit like the bridge of Voyager but Juniper had spent only a handful of minutes in the room before being shoved below decks into Engineering.

“You will be put into a training exercise every Starfleet cadet must complete before graduating,” the Ensign said. “You will take the role of Captain in this scenario.”

Juniper’s stomach flipped.

“Is there not a training exercise for engineering personnel?” she asked.

“I am not training you to be a Captain, I am simply attempting to give you an idea of Starfleet curriculum,” Sevik said. “I will take the role of science officer.”

“Oh so you get to do the thing you’re good at and I have to be Janeway,” Juniper grumbled, moving over to the captain’s chair and realized there was not one chair but two splitting the middle. “Which one is the captain’s? They look the same.”

“On the right,” Sevik said from behind a station.

“This is dumb, Captain doesn’t even have her own spot,” Dart muttered under her breath before sitting down.

“Crewman please take into account that this simulation was made in 2280 and that the state of Federation space was slightly—”

“Yes, Ensign Sevik, as much as it may surprise you they did have schools on Volan II. I am familiar with the state of affairs in that century,” Juniper groaned. The various Federation borders had been a particularly interesting point of study in the past few years.

The lights flickered and when they came back up computer generated officers appeared at every station, including a very nondescript second officer on her left that looked like he could be literally anyone’s embarrassing dad. In fact he looked remarkably like Vavi’s boyfriend, Lieutenant Wallace. Juniper snorted which earned her a pointed look from Sevik.

The viewscreen showed a view of space. Juniper tried to settle her nerves as the simulation began around her but soon the communications desk beeped.

“Captain Dart, we are receiving a distress call from the Kobayashi Maru, a Federation civilian freighter,” the communications officer read off. Their uniform was the recent model but it was clear the program was much older by the hair on the communications officer which was as nearly as tall as she was.

“What’s her problem?” Juniper asked.

“It’s struck a mine in the Klingon Neutral Zone. They state they are losing life support and hull integrity,” the officer announced. Juniper thought of 2280—tensions between Klingons and the Federation were still high and if a Federation vessel entered the neutral zone it would certainly cause trouble.

Her stomach twisted into a knot. If citizens were stuck on that ship then they’d needed their help more than ever.

“We are answering the distress call. Send us towards her,” Juniper announced.

“Captain Dart,” the second officer whirled around on her. “You are in violation of the Federation and Klingon treaty. I suggest turning back before you invoke a war.”

“Negative,” Juniper said. “Federation civilians are in trouble and we will rescue them.”

The ship slid into the neutral zone and immediately three Klingon battle cruisers warped into view.

“Captain—” the second officer began.

“I see them. Communications open channel with the Klingons.”

“No answer.”

“Hail the Kobayashi Maru,” Juniper ordered.

“Also no answer, Captain.”

She stood up from the chair, staring at the view screen in front of her. Before she could think of another course of action, the Klingon vessels opened fire. The entire bridge rocked beneath her feet, sending sparks up from the helmsman’s panel.

“Can you lock on any life forms on the Maru for transport?” Juniper asked.

“No, Captain,” an officer responded.

The ship rolled to the right as the Klingons fired again.

“Fire on those cruisers.” Her voice was shaking, her eyes on the marooned Kobayashi Maru behind the Klingon ships. Her exterior lights were already beginning to die.

“Their shields are holding. Our shields are at 30 percent.”

“Divert all auxiliary power to shields,” she ordered. “And try to hail the Maru again.”

“Shields at 57 percent.”

“No answer from the Maru.”

Another blast shook the ship and Juniper nearly fell to the deck.

“Shields at 2 percent.”

“We should retreat,” the second officer chimed in.

“No!” Juniper snapped. “We are rescuing the Maru!”

A blast hit the ship and the view screen went black. The ship rolled under her and she slammed against the railing behind her. Red emergency lights lit the bridge as the main lighting system failed.

“Our shields are down, Captain.”

“We’ve lost power to weapons, life support, and—”

A final blast rocked the ship with a loud explosion and for a moment there was only pitch dark and silence. Then the lights came up and the bridge was empty again, the viewscreen blank. Juniper was still leaning on the railing behind the captain’s seat, stunned. Slowly she pushed herself to her feet, ignoring the pain in her back.

“What did I do wrong?” she said.

“Besides non-regulation terminology? Nothing. The diversion of power was a good move but nothing would be enough,” Sevik said, walking down to meet her.

“What do you mean?”

“This simulation cannot be won,” he said. “No matter what the cadet chooses the Kobayashi Maru cannot be saved.”

The air in the room became thick and everything slowed down waiting for her mind to truly understand what had just left his mouth.

“What?”

“It is to test a cadet’s character in the face of a no-win scenario and even death.”

“You mean there is a test that everyone takes that has Federation citizens stuck in a neutral zone that die no matter what you do?” Juniper said slowly, trying to keep a handle on her emotions but they peeked through. This test had hit too close to her heart and despite the even tone she used everyday with the officers was splintering.

“It is not about citizens in a neutral zone, but the character of a Starfleet cadet—”

“But what about when those cadets become captains?” Her voice grew louder, breaking as she tried to push out her thoughts before tears came to her eyes. “When they’re aboard their own ships and they see Federation citizens in trouble! This is not a simulation, this is real life.”

“The Kobayashi Maru was not a real vessel—”

“But Volan II is a real planet! With a real colony, with real Federation citizens on it. All of the colonies handed over in the Federation-Cardassian Treaty were real!” Juniper snapped. She could see the radar screen burned into the back of her eyes, showing all the Federation vessels just out of reach to help but well within range to hear her sobs.

“You are speaking of the reboardering of the Demilitarized Zone,” Sevik said, his voice detached in a way Juniper would never get hers to do. He spoke of this event so easily when her throat was choked with memories.

“Yes I am!” Juniper forced out. She started to pace around the bridge, unable to keep her anger in check. She flexed her fingers, feeling the cool plastic of Volan II’s long distance communicator in her hand despite watching it blasted into pieces by Cardassian weapons years ago. “I’m not surprised the Federation did nothing to help us after seeing what they’re taught in their bullshit academy.”

“You are personalizing the situation,” Sevik said.

“That’s what humans do, Ensign!” she tossed over her shoulder.

“You were not left to die in Klingon space.”

“But I was left to die under Cardassian rule,” she said, turning on Sevik. “No contact, no help, nothing from the Federation. You have no idea what they did to us.”

Her voice cracked on the last words.

“I do not know of any official instances of Cardassians mistreating—”

“How could there be if we were stripped of Federation citizenship? We couldn’t file a report because we weren’t your problem anymore,” Juniper said. She took a breath trying to keep back the sob threatening to turn her words into gibberish. When she did speak again it was barely above a whisper. “Do you know what Cardassians do to prisoners, Ensign?”

He did not speak.

“I’m not doing anymore of these Starfleet lessons, and you can file a demerit on my record. See if I care,” she said, brushing past him. “Computer end program.”

The bridge disappeared and the beams of the holodeck came back into view. She started for the door.

“Computer lock door, clearance code Sevik-9.”

Juniper heard the mechanism click into place but she tried the door panel anyway. When it didn’t work, she kneeled beside it, ready to rip it off and hotwire it herself.

“Crewman Dart.”

She couldn’t get any purchase on the panel, not with only her bare hands. A nail broke against the panel and she winced.

“Crewman.”

“What?” Juniper yelled, spinning around.

“I cannot allow you clearance to the rest of the ship in your current emotional state,” Sevik said.

Juniper grit her teeth before tapping her communicator.

“Dart to security.” No answer. “Dart to engineering.” No answer.

“My security protocol overrides your communicator.”

“You fucker!” Juniper screamed, ripping off the badge and tossing it at his head. He dodged it easily and it clattered to the floor behind him.

“You will not be allowed back into the ship until you are in control of yourself.”

“Fuck you and fuck Tuvok!” she hissed.

“I do not wish to call Security to escort you back to your quarters but will be forced to if you do not calm yourself, Crewman,” Sevik said.

“Unlock this door, right now!” Juniper demanded.

“Act civilized and I will.”

Juniper saw red. Before she realized what she was doing she was bringing her hand across his face. Her palm connected with a loud slap and immediately she could see blueish-greenish blood rising to the surface below his skin in the shape of her fingers. Her hand tingled from the blow.

Shame colored her cheeks. She had not struck someone like that since before boarding Voyager three years ago. While the Maquis did what they had to survive, violence was rarely pointed at comrades. This was violence not to protect her life but her feelings.

“Computer, unlock door. Code Sevik-185,” Sevik said.

“Sevik, I—”

“The lesson is over, Crewman. Return to your quarters.”

He left the holodeck and Juniper felt her stomach drop. She had promised her father she would not grow hard in the face of the Cardassians’ cruelty and the Federation’s apathy. She hadn’t. It had been the Delta Quadrant and Starfleet that had done it.

Chapter Text

Juniper laid awake in her bunk waiting for a communication to come through from Tuvok’s desk demanding she march straight to the brig. Sleep was far from her mind, and she curled up under her blanket listening to Vavi talk about her date with Lt. Wallace, thankful for the distraction.

“He’s so sweet,” she said, and while Juniper couldn’t see her face, she could hear the smile in her voice. “He’s from somewhere called Boston?”

“It’s an Earth city,” Rordin said. “It’s why the universal translator glitches on him sometimes. His accent is… specific.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” Vavi said. “I was wondering about that. It’s like Dart and her borderworld accent.”

“My what?” Juniper asked, perking up.

“Your accent,” Vavi repeated, peeking up over the edge of the bunk. “It’s pretty specific to human colonists. You know a little Cardassian, right?”

“You know I do,” Juniper frowned. It was almost a requirement to learn some Cardassian on Volan II. Most of the merchants that came by were from the Cardassian Union and while their food and tools were odd, they gave them a fair price. That was before the Treaty which the Cardassians decided to break. Her vocabulary as a young person involved learning numbers and currency and the names of toys and fruits, as an adult it turned into phrases like tho seghanare which meant ‘Don’t shoot.’

“It’s easy to hear if you know what you’re looking for,” Vavi said with a casual shrug.

“That makes so much sense,” Taan said. “I’ve been wondering what you sounded like.”

“Do I not sound normal in standard?” Juniper asked.

“It sounds fine, it’s just… rougher,” Rordin said.

“Don’t worry, Juni, it’s nothing compared to Wallace’s. His vowels all sound the same,” Vavi said with a laugh that Taan and Rordin joined in on. Dart couldn’t bring herself to join in. She listened as the rest of them drifted off to sleep and she could only wait for her punishment but one never came.

After hardly an hour of sleep, Juniper dragged herself down to Engineering. The night shift consisted of Nan, an older grumpy human woman who liked to play cards, Crewman Jax, a young man on his first Starfleet mission that was all peachfuzz and jitters, and Lieutenant Wallace. While Wallace was the senior officer he often gave way to Nan as the eldest engineer there.

There was little to do on night shifts most of the time. It was either scrubbing Jefferies tubes or complete core meltdown. But if the latter happened B’Elanna usually swept in with the day crew and handled it.

Juniper sat down with Jax, Nan, and Wallace and tried to focus on the cards in her hands but couldn’t. She was expecting Tuvok to march in and drag her to the brig for striking Sevik. Her throat grew thick. She’d been in cuffs before, not Federation ones but the feeling was still the same. There was no escape here. She couldn’t leave the ship and even if she did she was in uncharted space.

She was ashamed of herself for striking Ensign Sevik, but still upset with him. The fact that he didn’t see any issue with subjecting her to the Maru test felt ignorant. Vulcans may suppress emotions but they know damn well that humans have a hard time keeping theirs in check. Still, she knew better than to hit him. Words could persuade people, fists were the tools of cowards.

“Dart, you look a little out of it,” Wallace said, giving her a nudge.

“I’m fine,” she said, looking back to her cards. It was a shit hand and she wasn’t betting anything on it. She’d already lost her replicator rations for the week to Jax, she wasn’t about to lose anything else.

“Don’t worry, Dart, I’ll get a coffee from the replicator for you,” Jax said with a smug smile. He was a nice kid and was gloating like they usually did at the table but she was too nervous to return the banter.

The duty computer dinged, and Wallace stepped away from the table to check it. Dart’s heart jumped into her throat, beating so fast that the sounds of her fellow crewmen were muffled by the thump of the organ.

“It’s your turn, Dart,” Jax said.

“Fold,” Juniper said quickly, tossing her cars onto the table. Jax grinned, turning to Nan who scoffed and threw down an equally bad hand.

“Ladies, breakfast is on me,” the young man grinned.

Wallace returned from the computer but didn’t sit down.

“Project up a few decks,” Wallace said, reading through the brief on a PADD. “Some adjustments made to the science labs for specific work and all that.”

“Sounds big, why not give it to the day shift?” Nan asked.

“The labs are busier during the day. Optimal to do repairs and renovations at night when we’re not in the way,” Wallace said. “There’s two labs they want some pretty extensive work on.”

He looked up at his small crew.

“Jax and Dart, it’s time to earn your keep.”

“We didn’t earn our keep the last three years?” Juniper asked.

“Age before beauty,” Nan said, wearing a snide smirk. She’d been in Starfleet for years as an enlisted personnel and from what Juniper had seen managed to do as little as possible. A true role model.

“As long as you can spare us from grabbing you coffee,” Jax said.

“Wallace can get it for me,” Nan said.

“I’m getting someone from the day shift to help in main engineering but the lab project is all you two,” Wallace said. “I’ll send you the files and you can draw up some prospects. They have a lot of ideas but haven’t thought a whole lot about logistics. I’ll need plans by the end of the week.”

Jax and Dart sat off on their own on the upper catwalk and looked over the project. It was a big deal, especially for low ranking crew like them. Jax was Starfleet through and through and universally liked, but it was Dart’s chance to truly cement herself as vital as she had been on the Val Jean.

“Jesus,” Jax said under his breath, scrolling through the brief. “Lab Three wants an awful lot.”

He was right. Lab Three seemed to focus on alien plants they gathered during their travels and required a lot of tank and watering systems that weren’t already installed. They wanted renovations to the ventilation system and more delicate climate controls for the fauna and a million other requests.

“What does Lab Two want?” Juniper asked, sorting through the files.

“Ventilation, a gas line, a shut off switch. I’ve done workshops on most of these,” Jax said. “You have a lot of hands-on experience, right?”

Juniper blinked. In all honesty she hadn’t worked on a lab at all. Her education was in farming equipment they gathered in the colony from different planets and making them all work together. On the Val Jean she had been mostly brunt work—conduit maintenance, hull integrity etc. She’d never worked on something so delicate before or created anything from the ground up.

“Totally,” she said instead.

“Great. You can take Lab Three, and I’ll do Lab Two.”

“Perfect.”

Juniper spent the better part of her off hours drawing up a blueprint to the madness the Lab required. Vavi gave some input that was not helpful and she didn’t even show it to Taan or Rordin. As scientists they’d only add on to the madness instead of helping her figure it out.

No messages came through for her, and there was certainly no lesson that week for which she was thankful. She needed all the time she could get sketching out every detail.

It wasn’t a clean proposal but it was doable. She walked in with Jax at the end of the week and presented everything to Wallace. After a few minor adjustments the Lieutenant gave them the go ahead to start on their projects immediately.

She was feeling good as she boarded the turbolift down to Deck 13 with Jax. He had his own PADD ready with his work and he’d even slicked back his hair in an attempt to dress up.

“You look good,” Juniper said.

“Thanks, I shaved,” he said. His face looked no different from the day before but she kept that to herself.

Juniper had pulled her short hair back into the standard low bun she saw most of the Starfleet crew wearing. Her hair had been too short when she boarded but had grown just long to manage the style in the past year. She had used a million pins and had to have Vavi help her but she looked professional. Hell, she looked Starfleet.

Their deck arrived and they split down the hall to speak to their respective scientist. Wallace had made it clear that they needed to make a good impression on the lab managers and Juniper was intent on doing just that. She took a deep breath and walked through the doors of Lab Three.

The lab was a large hanger type room filled with plants of all sizes in temporary enclosements. Three desks were set up with microscopes and other equipment but only one was manned. The sole occupant: a lanky Vulcan with a single pip on his collar.

Her heart dropped into her stomach.

“Shit.” She hadn’t realized she’d spoken out loud until Sevik looked up from peering at a square leaf growing off a strange blossoming flower.

“Crewman Dart.” It wasn’t a cold welcome but it didn’t make her feel at home.

“Ensign.”

“Are you the engineer assigned to my lab?”

“Your lab?” She had hoped he was simply an attendant but from the way he raised an eyebrow at her it was clear he was not.

“Yes. Have you brought a proposal for renovations?”

Juniper stood up straight and walked over to his desk laying her PADD beside the flower he’d been examining.

“I have.”

Professional. Be professional.

Sevik looked over the file, scrolling through the different diagrams she had rendered and descriptions she’d made. Juniper stood perfectly still, her hands clasped behind her back. She expected him to remember how hard she’d slapped him and call Tuvok on the spot but he didn’t.

“This was approved by Lieutenant Wallace?” he asked.

“Yes.” It was a struggle to keep her face neutral.

“Have you done work of this magnitude before?”

“Yes,” she lied.

“This doesn’t have the appropriate sized tanks I requested,” Sevik said, handing the PADD back.

“Technically yes, but I found it saved space and made construction less strenuous to have smaller holding tanks above the enclosures but a pump system connecting to larger areas in the crawl space under the deck,” Juniper said, zooming in on that detail of her plan he had looked over.

“Why not use an anti-gravity chamber instead?” Sevik asked, an elegant eyebrow raised.

“Do you have any gravity clamps hidden away in your cabin?”

“No.”

“Then I guess I can’t just pull an anti-gravity chamber out of my ass,” Juniper said, shoving the PADD back into his hands. She couldn’t help biting out the words. He had combed through her entire plan looking for mistakes just so he could point them out. She didn’t appreciate her work being scrutinized with bad faith. “This way is easier to clean, maintain, and safer overall.”

“This will take months,” Sevik said.

“Oh, do you have somewhere to be?” Juniper said.

“You keep asking me questions you know the answer to.”

“Sorry, I thought you’d gotten used to human frustration.”

Sevik pressed his lips together into a firm line.

“Your plans are approved. Do what you wish but please refrain from touching any of my samples.”

Juniper arrived for her full day of work in Sevik’s lab with a bag full of tools and not a lot of patience. He insisted on giving her a proper tour of the lab, despite it being a large rectangle without much to discover. He then went over every safety precaution that applied to labs on Starfleet vessels and attached a copy of said safety protocols to a work desk.

“This is your space where you may work,” he said, motioning to the workbench farthest away from his.

“Charming.”

She dropped her tools onto the surface where she noticed another laminated copy of regular Starfleet protocol including information on uniforms and how to address officers. She bit back an smart comment and pulled out her PADD inspecting her plans closely to see where she wished to start.

The first week of work on Sevik’s lab went by without much interaction. Juniper spent most of the time cutting into the deck and sorting out the area beneath the lab. He kept to his corner and she stayed in hers. Sevik wasn’t a kind co-worker but he was extremely talented at ignoring people.

It was the beginning of the second week that Juniper started to run into roadblocks.

With the below deck area settled the rest of the work was all inside the lab. She had to shuffle past the large plants Sevik had everywhere and he’d tsk at her if she got too close to one. Juniper had taken the liberty of putting on some music while she worked only for Sevik to immediately turn it off.

“I was listening to that,” Juniper said, looking up from the tank she was assembling.

“It is a distraction,” Sevik said, as if it was common sense.

“I thought Vulcans were good at blocking out distractions.”

“I prefer to work in silence.”

“Oh, so you’re not good at it,” Juniper snorted.

“I am already working in a construction zone with your constant mumbling and crashing.”

“Mumbling?”

“You talk to yourself incessantly.”

“I do not.”

“Then you speak to your tools as if they would respond.”

“How else would I get them to do what I want?” Juniper smiled.

“Another joke.” Deadpane. He should have been a comedian.

“I thought you liked my jokes, Sevik,” Juniper said, unable to resist the urge to prod at him.

“I have never given you any indication either way.”

“So you don’t not like them.”

“Please return to your work, Crewman.”

Working on Lab Three reminded Juniper a lot of her time on Volan II. She had spent most of her younger years fiddling with farming equipment, especially watering systems. The one on Volan II was Andorian in origin and would only respond to commands spoken in that language. She spent hours sitting in the dirt trying to read off a manual she didn’t understand. Not to mention Andorian equipment was meant to thrive in harsh icy conditions and Volan II was anything but. It often broke down in the summer and she’d spend the morning hunched over the panel trying to cool it down. She’d hated that damn sprinkler system but she knew just how she wanted to make one on Voyager for ease of use. It was easier on a ship with controlled temperatures and no strange weather patterns to prepare for but brought new difficulties such as room.

Outside there’s as much room as a person could need to set up equipment. In Sevik’s lab she had a taped off corner lest she brush a leaf from one of his precious plants.

“God, it’s hot in here,” Juniper said, wiping sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. She’d already twisted out of the top of her uniform, tying the sleeves around her waist in an attempt to cool off. She’d been setting up the frame that would hold the different containment areas for the plants to be transferred to. It was back breaking work that left her sweaty and her muscles trembling.

She looked to Sevik who was in his uniform, the neck of which was pulled all the way up. He was inspecting the underside of a dead looking branch from some strange orange bush.

Juniper walked past him to the thermostat and found it was set to thirty-two Celsius.

“Fuck.” She went to change it and the computer beeped loudly as she pressed the button, the screen popping up with a small “Access denied” message. “Sevik!”

“Yes, Crewman?”

“Are you trying to melt me?” she asked, tapping the control panel.

“I often keep the lab to this temperature, it is not good for certain plants to be exposed to human temperatures for extended periods,” Sevik said. “I also find this temperature quite comfortable.”

“You’re not even doing anything!” Juniper said. “You stare at plants all day. I’m building your fucking lab, can I at least get permissions for the fucking thermostat?”

“Such language is not considered appropriate when addressing a more senior officer.”

She glared at him for a moment, trying to find an emotion in his expressionless face.

“If you are uncomfortable you are free to go to any other room, corridor, or storage closet on the ship as they are all cooled to human temperatures,” Sevik said.

Juniper spent the rest of the week assembling framework in the corridor before dragging it through the lab to bolt it into place. She did so by tossing the metal across the lab as loudly as possible.

“Dart?” Jax asked, stepping over the mess of steel and tools she’d made in the hallway. “Do you need help or something?”

“I’m great Jax,” she said with a smile she hoped looked genuine but most likely didn’t. “How’s your lab going?”

“I’m almost done. Wallace is going to have me work on the medbay next week,” he said.

“Oh that’s…” Juniper did a quick mental calculation of how long it was going to take her to finish Lab Three, especially if she had to work mostly in the hallway and it was not a favorable number. “Amazing.”

“Can I see what you’ve got done?” Jax asked.

“Sure.”

Juniper led Jax inside and almost immediately after crossing the threshold they set off the Sevik alarm.

“You do not have permission to be in this lab, Crewman.”

“He’s with me,” Juniper said, more tired than anything else.

“You are not in charge of this lab,” Sevik said, deigning to turn away from his workstation to look at them. Juniper sighed.

“Can Crewman Jax look at the improvements?” Juniper asked. Sevik looked from her to Jax and then back to her.

“No.” He turned his back on them, returning his attention to his station.

Jax gave Juniper a look and they both stepped back into the cooler air of the corridor.

“What’s his problem?” Jax asked.

“He’s… protective of his plants. I don’t know,” Juniper said.

“And it’s hot as hell in there. How have you been working in there?”

“I don’t!” Juniper said, kicking the frame set out in the corridor.

“You have to bring this to Wallace, or Tuvok,” Jax said.

Juniper entertained the thought briefly but the memory of her hand snapping across Sevik’s face shot to the forefront of her mind. He’d never reported her for it, but that didn’t mean he never would. Tuvok’s patience with her was already thin and if word got out she’d struck a junior Starfleet officer she’d spend the rest of the lifelong trip home in the brig.

“It’s fine. We have an understanding,” she said.

“It didn’t sound like it,” Jax said, clearly worried.

“I’m fine.”

“You Maquis are a funny bunch,” Jax said. “So reluctant to get a senior officer involved.”

The Maquis had learned from a young age that the people above you rarely had your best interests in mind, but that didn’t feel like the kind of radical lesson Jax needed at the moment.

“Yeah,” she said instead, putting on her tired, forced grin. “Funny.”

Her time in the corridor came to end as her work became more and more delicate. Juniper spent the entirety of her shifts working in the sweltering lab, hanging around on a catwalk close to the ceiling to renovate the ventilation system. It was all going to be connected to the plant containment area and needed to be fixed before continuing with work on the ground. And it also provided an opportunity for Juniper to stick her face straight into an air conditioning vent.

Another development was that Ensign Taan had been assigned to the night shift for a few weeks and was blessed to be scheduled in Lab Three.

It was clear, even from Juniper’s position straddling an air duct above the lab, that Taan was miserable.

Sevik was constantly disapproving. Like Riordin and Taan had gossiped about months ago, nothing pleased him and her work never seemed sufficient. She had managed to get the thermostat down a few degrees but it was still far from comfortable.

She often wandered over to Juniper’s corner to discuss repairs only to be chided by Sevik for neglecting her work. The poor thing was riddled with anxiety and the more Sevik disapproved the shakier she became.

One night when Sevik had left momentarily and Juniper took a break at Taan’s station, sitting on her stool and listening to her talk about the kind of plant nutrition they were developing. It was a pretty dry subject but it made Taan smile and Juniper hated seeing her shrivel up in defeat.

“So it’s full of bugs?” Juniper asked.

“Kind of. This plant consumes a lot of microorganisms so I guess you could say they’re bugs, but I think of it more as a contaminated water,” Taan said, setting the beaker aside and picking up a flask of bright pink liquid. “Now this is really interesting. The big plant in the corner survives exclusively off the blood of a certain kind of rat from its moon. It doesn’t eat anything else, just sucks the blood out. So we were able to clone the DNA and make as much blood as we wanted.”

Taan smiled, holding up the flask to get a better view. The glass slipped from her fingers and crashed to the ground, shattering into a thousand pieces and sending sticky pink fluid everywhere.

“Oh God,” Taan gasped, jumping back from the glass. The scientists’ hands were already trembling.

“Hey, Olivia, it’s okay. It was an accident,” Juniper said, catching one of Taan’s hands in both of hers.

“No it’s my fault.” Tears were gathering in Oliva’s eyes and her whole body was trembling. “Ensign Sevik is going to write me up for this, I know it.”

Juniper was about to speak when the door opened and Sevik stepped in. His eyes went to the broken glassware and then to Olivia’s face.

“Ensign Taan, what happened?” he demanded. Olivia tried to speak but all that came out was a squeak.

“Sorry, Ensign,” Juniper stepped in front of Olivia. “I knocked it over.”

He raised an eyebrow at her.

“That station is Ensign Taan’s responsibility. Even if you did cause the spill, it was her duty to keep everything in order as the senior crewmember in the lab,” he said.

“It was an accident,” Juniper asserted, digging her heels in.

“One that proves Ensign Taan is ill equipped to be left alone in a lab.” He walked past them to his station ready to return to work. A soft sob escaped Olivia’s lips from behind Juniper.

“Go get some water,” Juniper said, motioning to the door. Olivia gave a weak nod and started for the door.

“I have not dismissed you from duty, Ensign.”

“Yes, sir,” Taan said, doing a quick 180 back towards her station.

“Actually, Ensign Sevik, I need to speak to you in private. If Taan could please clear the room,” Juniper said, unable to hide the anger in her voice. Sevik turned on his stool, an eyebrow raised.

“Dismissed,” he nodded to Taan who immediately bolted out. He waited until the door had shut behind her before turning his dark eyes on Juniper. “What is it, Crewman?”

“I understand when you treat me like shit,” Juniper said, moving around the broken glass to walk up to Sevik’s station. “You don’t like me, you don’t like the Maquis—I get it. I wouldn’t like me either. But Ensign Taan is your peer. She attended the Academy you love so much and she memorized the stupid handbook and she is your equal. You do not get to treat her that way.”

“A Vulcan lab runs far more efficiently—”

“If you loved Vulcan labs that much you should have stayed in one instead of joining Starfleet. You had a choice to be here,” Juniper said, her frustration from the last few weeks building to a head. “You’re being domineering, rude, and an all around asshole.”

Sevik took a moment, processing her words.

“You are correct concerning Ensign Taan. She is my equal and I will treat her as such,” he said.

“Thank you,” Juniper said. She went to the supply closet and got a broom. She went back to the spill and started to sweep up the glass. Sevik rose from his desk and she was certain he was going to tell her she was sweeping wrong but instead he went to the climate control panel. He gracefully tapped against the screen and immediately the air conditioning roared to life filling the room with cool air.

She stopped to look at him.

“If you had an issue with my management of the lab, why did you not bring it to a senior officer?” he asked.

Juniper gripped the broom tighter, resisting the urge to look away from his hard gaze.

“I… I didn’t… Well…” She struggled for a few moments before just pushing through. “You didn’t snitch on me so I didn’t rat on you.”

“Snitch?”

“You didn’t report me for hitting you,” she said. She gave up and her eyes went to the floor rather than the dark eyes of the Vulcan in front of her. There was a long lull where the only sound was the low rumble of cool air filtering through the room.

“I don’t recall the event you’re speaking of,” he said coolly.

She nearly dropped the broom. She stared at him as he returned to his desk and began pruning a small fruit bearing bush. How could he forget her slapping him across the face? She doubted Sevik had been struck often, especially by anyone aboard Voyager.

She turned back to the glass, slowly sweeping the fragments into a pile. Juniper didn’t think Vulcans lied, at least from the unrelenting honesty that both Sevik and Tuvok used to speak to her but it appeared that they did.

She didn’t know if she found it odd or kind.

Despite their agreement, Taan successfully petitioned to return to the day shift the next day. It was just Sevik and Juniper in the lab and despite the cooler air she was still constantly setting off the Ensign alarm.

Even with his back to her he seemed to know when she was too close to one of his plants, or that she was out of dress code. Anything that could be corrected was as soon as it happened.

“Crewman Dart, you are required to take a ten minute break now as stated in the Starfleet General Orders and Regulations section—”

“I don’t need you to cite your sources, Ensign,” she groaned, pulling herself out of her framework jungle gym she’d constructed and stretching the aches from her muscles. He was still at his work desk, his back curled like a question mark as he peered into a microscope. “If it’s break time why are you working?”

“Vulcans are not required to abide by all human safety laws,” he said. “We need less rest and can work longer hours without performance being affected.”

“You saying my performance is bad?”

“From that sentence? Yes.”

Juniper wandered over to his desk, standing on the other side of it as he passed a petri dish under his microscope.

“Do you do anything else but work?”

“What else is there?” he asked, not looking up from the viewfinder.

“The holodeck. I bet you could make a nice Vulcan lab to work in on the holodeck.” Juniper leaned against the desk, flicking one of the large circular blue leaves hanging from a plant on his desk.

“I have no desire to do such a thing,” he said, his eyes on her hand wacking the plant.

“I just thought since you talked about how efficient they are that you’d like to play around in one for a while.”

“Vulcans do not ‘play around’ and I have worked in a Vulcan lab already, I do not need to experience it aboard Voyager,” he said, moving his gaze back to his microscope.

“Are there labs on Vulcan under Starfleet domain?”

“No.”

“Then how did you work in one?” She moved to flicking a different leaf.

“I attended the Vulcan Science Academy prior to joining Starfleet,” he said. Juniper cocked her head to the side, trying to fit that piece of information into the puzzle of Sevik the Ensign.

“Why didn’t you stay there?” she asked, still flicking the blue leaves and watching as the plant shuddered under the touch.

“I was asked to leave,” he said quickly. His hand snapped out, catching the fabric of her sleeve halting her assault on the leaves. “Please refrain from disturbing the samples.”

Juniper hardly noticed his grip on her uniform.

“Asked to leave?” she echoed.

Dark eyes met hers and for the first time she saw something other than cool indifference in them.

“I do not wish to discuss it further,” he said and gently released his hold on her sleeve. “You have two minutes and twenty-three seconds left in your break.”

Chapter Text

Juniper’s frustrations with Sevik were slowly turning into curiosity. He revealed little about himself but what nuggets she did discover she held on to. The little detail about the VSA haunted her mind all week. Sevik seemed to be the model scientist, following every rule and demanding perfection from everything. How had he not been a perfect fit?

Truthfully, Juniper didn’t know much about the VSA or its standards. What files she could access described it as the highest honor a young Vulcan hoping to study the scientific arts could achieve. He had reached that peak only to be shoved back down, but why?

Juniper sat at her station in Lab Three. The pieces of a pump system were laid out in front of her, but she was quickly growing bored with the task. She’d already put together two pumps today and as the last hour of the shift was coming to a close, she was reluctant to work any harder than necessary.

“Is the VSA like a college?” she asked. Sevik was across the room at his own workbench feeding replicated flies to small carnivorous bloom. Juniper had not attended a university but had heard about them through the other Volan II settlers. Her grandfather evidently had attended one and studied agriculture, or so her father said. Most people on Volan II were not highly educated and it wasn’t like they had their own college to strive for.

“It is a place for learning,” Sevik said “but mostly for research.”

“What kind of research did you do?” she asked.

He looked up at her.

“You are prying.”

“I’m making conversation,” she said with a smile. When he looked back down to his plant without an answer, she pushed him further. “Humor me as an ignorant human with no higher education.”

He didn’t answer her, focusing on his plant. Juniper waited for a long couple of minutes before giving up. She picked up her sonic driver to continue her work on the pump.

“Geophysics,” he said. “They were not accepting students for geophysics when I entered Starfleet, so I chose astrobotany instead.”

“Are you happy with it?”

“Happiness is a fickle and illogical emotion.”

“It isn’t that bad; you should try it sometime.”

“Are you working on the improvements for my lab or wasting time by trying to provoke me?”

“Provoke? And here I thought we were having a conversation.”

“Please return to your work.”

Juniper looked down at the pump in front of her but no matter how hard she tried to focus on it her mind kept wandering. She fiddled with her tools so that it would sound like she was working when she looked up and saw Sevik watching her.

“Why are you pretending to assemble the pump?”

“Well, to be honest, I didn’t think you’d look over here.”

“But what purpose does that serve, what goal does that accomplish?”

“I don’t have a goal. I’m tired and don’t have the energy left in me to finish it,” she said truthfully, tossing her tool aside.

“Then why not just rest?”

“Because then you’d know I wasn’t working,” she said.

“Is this a common behavior for humans?”

“Pretending to work to avoid work? Oh, I’d say it is.”

“Fascinating.” Sevik looked at the clock on the wall. “There are thirty-five minutes left in the shift which should give you ample time to actually finish the pump.”

Juniper forced a smile. “Perfect.”

The skeleton of the greenhouse was almost complete. Most of the pieces had been welded together and dragged back into the corner of the lab now that was left was assembling it. Juniper, never one to ask for help especially if it meant trying to convince Sevik to allow others in the lab which was a fight she was not going to win, decided she was going to perform this assembly entirely by herself. She’d spent far too much of the week putting together a pulley system and running it along the upper catwalk.

In her mind it was going to work, but in all honesty she didn’t have a lot of experience with this kind of work. Volan II had been open fields and alien technologies not barn raising.

She rolled up her sleeves, ignoring the look Sevik gave her. She’d already given him an earful on her opinions on the dress code earlier in the week and it seemed he was picking his battles.

With hard work Juniper Dart was able to wear down even a Vulcan.

She tied a knot around the top beam of her structure and tugged on the cable. It felt sturdy enough.

She planted her feet on the ground and grabbed the far end of the cable. She took a deep breath and pulled with every bit of her strength.

The mammoth beast of metal twitched up for a moment before falling back to the floor.

Juniper took a second to collect herself. This was fine, it was going to work. She took in another deep breath and when she yanked on the cable she really put her back into it.

The structure moved about a foot off the floor before crashing back down again.

She jumped up onto the rope, pulling it down with all of her weight. It inched a little further up but she could not sustain it and it landed to the floor with a thud.

“Crewman, do you need assistance?” Sevik asked from his desk.

“No!” she snapped, jumping onto the rope again and clinging to it like a baby animal to its mother. This time the cable slipped right through her hand and it was her body that smacked into the floor. She landed on her butt but laid back onto the cool metal and stared up at the ceiling.

Why was making this nerd a little garden so fucking hard?

Sevik’s face entered her field of vision, looking down at her.

“Would you like my assistance?” he asked.

“It’s harder than it looks,” she said, wiping the sweat from her forehead. Sevik looked at her pulley system, his eyes following its configuration. He stepped up to the cable and wrapped both hands around it.

Juniper sat up about to tell him to quit it and she’d call up the night crew from Engineering to help when Sevik gave one fluid pull on the cable and raised the structure into place as if it was made of toothpicks and not galvanized steel. Her jaw dropped.

“Please secure the structure,” he said. He didn’t even sound like he was straining. She looked up at him, at the prominent veins on the back of his hand and the chords standing out on his neck.

Sevik was, and God forgive her for thinking it, kind of handsome. Not in a traditional human sense but in the alien way that made her whole body hot. That had always been the quickest way for anyone to get Juniper in bed at a bar, do something that was not capable by a human and she was a goner. Even the weird tricks like an Andorian twitching their antenna was enough, at least when she had a few drinks in her.

Juniper hadn’t felt that sensation in a long time, mostly because everyone aboard Voyager was stuck up and the overhead fluorescent lighting left a lot to be desired. No one looked good in the uniforms and there was hardly any space people could relax in that senior officers weren’t constantly watching. Sure the cutesy Earth pub Paris liked on the holodeck was open to everyone but it wasn’t the bar Juniper was accustomed to getting railed in. Those were dark and the pours were strong. Everything here was too well lit and of course there wasn’t a drop of liquor.

“Crewman Dart?”

“Huh?” Juniper quickly looked back up to Sevik’s face hoping he hadn’t noticed her ogling his hands (God, was she that desperate for action that was lusting after hands now?)

“Secure the structure.”

“Of course.” She was on her feet in a second, plasma torch in hand. It took her a while to get everything welded and bolted into place and she began to wonder how she ever thought she was going to do it by herself. She climbed up to the catwalk close to the ceiling to do some additional safety spots since Sevik was helping her. Once she was done she waved down to him. “Alright, she's good now.”

Sevik loosened his grip on the cable and nothing moved. Juniper gave a sigh of relief, sure something was going to come loose.

“How does it look from down there?”

“Satisfactory.”

“Great.” Juniper set her boot on the catwalk’s railing and grabbed the cable where it hung from the pulley mount on the ceiling. She hooked an arm around it and stood on the railing’s edge.

“Crewman Dart, that is high risk behavior. Please return to the floor by way of the ladder.”

“Come on Sevik I did shit like this on Volan II all the time.”

“Volan II did not have a thorough safety handbook dictating how to behave.”

She glared down at him and he returned it right back.

Juniper pushed off from the railing and slid down the cable to the floor. Her heart slammed into her throat and for a moment she was weightless as the air whistled by her ear. She landed hard, falling to one knee but nothing could wipe the smile from her face.

“SFRA 15,” Sevik said.

“What’s that?”

“The regulation you just broke.” He stepped out of the greenhouse framing and started for his work desk where his PADD was. Juniper scrambled after, zipping around him and snatching up the device right before he could get it.

“You know you don’t have to write me up,” she said, pressing the PADD close to her chest.

“Now I will have to report you for theft of technology.”

“Sevik, come on, it’s a joke.”

“I fail to see what is humorous,” he said. “Please return my PADD.”

Juniper hesitated and tightened her grip on the PADD.

“Please, I’ve got far too many demerits as it is.”

“I thought you didn’t care what was put on your record.”

“Yeah well I’ve gotten used to actually having replicator rations and I don’t want to lose them again.”

Sevik didn’t try to pluck the PADD from her hands, didn’t even ask for it again. He simply put his hand out for it.

She looked at his hand and up to his face where a single black eyebrow was raised.

“Fine.” Juniper dropped the PADD into his hand. “But you won’t like me without coffee.”

“Juni wake up!” Vavi called. Juniper slumped over the side of her bunk. She peered at the nearest clock that read 2000 hours. At least she got to sleep in a little.

“We’re heading to the holodeck tonight, are you coming?” Vavi asked. Juniper blinked the sleep from her eyes to look at Vavi in a new garment straight from the replicator. It wasn’t the usual luau ensemble people wore to the holodeck, but a tight-fitting dress covered in small bangles that caught the light whenever she moved. Her earring held a few more charms on the chain that ran along the outside of her ear.

“What’s the program?” she asked. Rordin and Taan were huddled around the replicator punching in their own specific looks.

“Nightclub,” Vavi said with a grin. “Wallace was talking about the ones they have on Earth and I convinced him to make one. Luaus are great, but this is more my speed.”

Vavi looked so excited that Juniper felt compelled to join in. She hopped down to the floor and joined Taan and Rordin. “I’ve only been to borderworld clubs, are Earth ones different?”

“I haven’t been to either,” Taan said nervously, looking through the clothing options.

“It’s music and drinks, though we won’t get any real liquor here,” Rordin frowned, reaching over Taan to finalize her own outfit. The replicator hummed for a moment before spitting out a green shirt that lacked sleeves and whose back appeared to be only strings woven back and forth. “I had a shirt just like this on Earth.”

Rordin grabbed it and went over to her bunk leaving Taan and Dart to contemplate their choices.

Olivia held her finger over the screen for a moment before making a choice. A light blue dress emerged from the replicator, very close in shade to her science uniform. It was modest and sweet, and something told Juniper Vavi would cut half the skirt off before they left.

As Taan went to change, Juniper stood in front of the display. She hadn’t replicated any clothes at all. The only non-Starfleet clothing she had was her father’s coat that originally was from a replicator decades ago but had been patched by hand since. She thought of Rordin’s strappy back top and shuddered. She didn’t want to answer any questions about her scars and chose something she’d be comfortable in.

The replicator whirled and dispensed the fabric. Black pantyhose and a dark blue tunic top that, for Vavi’s sake, had a plunging neckline. It wouldn’t pinch or strangle her but there was enough shape to it that Vavi would approve.

They all got dressed and, to Dart’s surprise, Vavi let Taan keep her dress. She was dressed more for her Academy graduation than a party, but it fit her.

“We’re not done yet,” Vavi insisted, pulling out a bag of cosmetics. Juniper wanted to object to all the fuss but it’d been years since anyone on board had gotten excited for almost anything, especially a night “out.” Taan was thrilled to slip a dark liner on and Rordin spent ages pressing glitter to her eyelids. Dart sat patiently while Vavi drew her eyeliner on and pressed a red color into her lips. “Oh, and I replicated this for you.”

She pulled out an earring, not the Bajoran religious style but obviously influenced by it. It was a small stud with a long silver chain that ended in a small, pointed charm.

“I know we only got one ear pierced at that Delta-6 station,” Vavi said with a wink, pressing the earring into place.

“Thank you, Vavi,” Juniper said, taking a look in the mirror. The chain was long enough that the charm almost reached her shoulder.

“Where did all those Starfleet crewmen go?” Vavi smiled, looking everyone over. “All I see are some sexy ruffians!”

They walked down to the holodeck and were joined by other groups in similar dress. It seemed everyone was excited by the new holo program and wanted to try it out.

The entire deck was chaotic. The corridor was quiet but once you crossed the threshold it was nothing but loud music and pulsing lights. It was a large room with a high ceiling and music blaring from each corner. A dancefloor took up most of the space and was occupied with crewmembers and holo fillers. There was a bar where you could get synthehol, and various areas to sit and catch your breath. There were no windows, no sign of Earth outside of the walls. It was surprisingly similar to the borderworld clubs except without Cardassians breathing down your neck.

“Let’s dance!” Vavi called, leading their group out to the floor. Juniper didn’t know the song playing but she found she didn’t need to. It was nice to have something rattle her eardrums and shake out everything but the beat of the music. After a couple of songs Rordin and Dart called a time out and retreated to the bar. Taan had stayed with a few other science Ensigns that were really getting into the atmosphere. Most of them were off-beat with the music but were enjoying themselves. Vavi had found Wallace quickly and they were immediately glued at the hip.

“She’s really smitten with him,” Rordin said, nodding to Vavi.

“Completely,” Juniper said. They ordered sunny synthehol drinks and watched more crew members arrive. “Did everyone get off shift for this?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it was just Tuvok out manning the ship,” Rordin giggled.

They talked about the club for a while, Sinead Rordin had been to some on Earth but said she preferred quieter bars. They both agreed they’d take what they could get here.

Rordin went quiet, staring at something across the room. Juniper followed her gaze and found it was on Olivia Taan, twisting around the dancefloor. She was about to inquire further when Nan popped up beside Juniper’s stool and threw an arm around her neck.

“Hey kid I got a secret, follow me,” the older woman said before quickly walking away from the bar.

Juniper told Sinead she’d be back and quickly followed Nan through the club to the back where a booth was pressed into a corner. Jax was sitting on a cushion looking rather nice in a button up shirt that was open to the middle of his chest showing off a thin gold chain around his neck.

Juniper took the seat beside Jax and watched Nan reach into her long yellow overcoat. Nan gave a quick glance around them before pulling out a large glass bottle of brown liquid.

“What is that?” Juniper said, trying to read the label.

“Klingon bloodwine,” Nan said with a wiggle of her eyebrow. “I think you two kids are alright. Consider it a birthday present.”

“It’s not my birthday,” Jax said.

“Mine neither,” Juniper added.

“I know, I missed at least three so we have to catch up.”

They all sat around a table as Nan poured out three shots for each of them and demanded they down them in a row. Juniper hadn’t had a sip of liquor since a month before joining Voyager and the familiar burn in her throat was welcomed. She used to keep a bottle of kanar in a shed outside her father’s house and would take sips with the neighbor’s son as a teeanger. She used to drink with Vavi whenever they could and reveled in being able to smear her thoughts for a few hours. Not everyone approved of the behavior but Juniper always looked forward to those days. Voyager had no drinking nights and no real liquor that could make a crew less efficient. If anything Juniper Dart strived to be inefficient.

Jax and Juniper both drank eagerly, downing all the shots. It burned like hell and already her head felt woozy. She’d woken up and came straight to the holo party without a stop for any food.

“You know, we better start doing future birthdays,” Nan said, taking a swig from the bottle and then passing it to Jax. The young man already looked a little off center but took a greedy gulp from the bloodwine. He handed it to Juniper and she almost declined. Three shots was a lot for humans in their position, anything else would be playing with fire.

But then again, when would she get to drink again?

She grabbed the bottle and took a swig.

The holodeck swirled around her a muted mess of colors and voices. Juniper wasn’t sure how much time had passed. She had danced with Jax. She’d drank some more with Nan before finding Rordin and Vavi and dancing with them.

She was sweaty and tired but not willing to give up the party just yet.

She moved towards the bar where she could see Jax was slumped over a glass of water when something caught her eye.

In the corner near the door stood a stiff figure blending in with the shadows. Juniper staggered towards it and nearly burst out laughing at what she found.

Ensign Sevik stood with his hands folded behind his back. He had on a dark scarlet casual looking tunic that had a high collar and an angular point to the shoulders. It was very flattering on his lanky frame but he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else.

“Sevik?” she asked, slurring the S in his name.

“Dart,” he answered, his gaze moving to her unsteady feet.

“Why are you here?”

“Lieutenant Wallace told me it was mandatory to attend for twenty minutes. I have 4.45 minutes remaining for this obligation.”

“You should dance!” Juniper said.

“I do not dance. Crewman, are you okay?”

“I’m great! Amazing!” she said and on the same beat stumbled. She slumped against the wall beside him to keep from spilling to the floor.

“You’re acting more erratic than usual.”

“Thanks.”

“You smell of ethyl alcohol,” he said. “Are you drunk, Crewman?”

“I’ll tell you a secret, Sevik. Yes. Yes I am. But before you chide me let me remind you I am not on duty.”

“I wasn’t going to chide you.”

“Sevik, you adore chiding me,” Juniper said, tapping a finger in the middle of his chest. “It’s why I do everything wrong, because I know you love correcting me.”

“I do not believe that is true,” Sevik said.

“This is nice,” Juniper said, ignoring Sevik and running a hand across the front of his tunic. The fabric was silky and it felt good against her fingertips. She ran her fingers across his chest and traced the outline of his collarbone. Her index finger crossed the collar of his shirt, skimming the hollow of his throat. His bare skin was cool to the touch, something she was not prepared for. Like touching a cool stone pulled from a spring.

“Dart.”

“Hm?”

“I would advise putting some space between us.”

“Oh,” she took a big step back, nearly bumping into a table in the process. Her head was fuzzy with drink and cloudy with a warmth that heated her cheeks. She looked away only to notice a few crewmembers escorting Jax out of the holodeck, his arms thrown over their shoulders and his chin bobbing against his chest. “I know I hold my liquor better than Jax.”

“Where did you get such a substance?”

Juniper gave Sevik a look. He seemed to pick and choose the instances he reported and she didn’t want to get Nan in any trouble.

“It was a gift. For all our birthdays spent on Voyager,” Juniper said.

“How many did you get up to?”

Juniper stared at him, her mind blanking.

“Uh,” she pulled up her hands trying to count on her fingers but they got blurry after seven. “I’m not actually sure, but whatever it was it was more than Jax.”

“I think it may be best to remove yourself from the holodeck before any incidents can occur.”

“Incidents follow me, Ensign,” Juniper said, throwing her arms out.

“Even more reason to avoid them,” he said. “I have fulfilled my agreement with Wallace. I will escort you to your room.”

Sevik turned for the door.

“Wow, such a gentleman,” Juniper said, stumbling over the raised lip of the holodeck door frame. Sevik set a brisk pace that Juniper found hard to keep up with. He was a blurry red figure down the corridor and every time she blinked he was further away. She stopped and leaned against a wall. Only the wall wasn’t a wall at all but a door to a meeting room. Her body triggered the sensor and the door swished open and she fell straight to the floor.

She laid on the gray carpet staring up at the ceiling and considering that sleeping there wouldn’t be all that bad until Sevik’s face appeared over her.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Thinking.”

“You cannot stay in a meeting room overnight.” He kneeled beside her.

She looked up at him, her eyes drawn to the scar bisecting his upper lip.

“How’d you get that?” she asked, raising her hand and letting her finger bump against his lip.

“I was attacked by a Le-matya,” Sevik answered. Juniper traced the scar with her fingertip. It was long, reaching from his lip up into his cheek beside his nose. She thought of her own scars clawing up her back, marking her shoulder blades for Cardassia Prime.

Her finger still followed the divot in Sevik’s skin, running back and forth across it.

She thought of her scars on her back. She had dozens of long strips of scarring all across her back but at least she could hide it. Only a handful of the Maquis had ever seen them, and then they had been fresh and scabbed over. She wouldn’t be able to carry hers on her face. There’d be questions constantly and she wouldn’t be able to handle them. It’d be reliving that moment years ago every time she met someone new. It’d break her.

“Crewman Dart, are you aware that Vulcans are touch-telepaths?” Sevik asked. Juniper felt the blood leave her face and her heart drop into her stomach. She pulled her hand away from his face as if she’d been burned. A crease formed between Sevik’s brows. “I apologize, it was my understanding that you knew.”

Juniper shifted to her feet, gripping the door frame to keep herself steady. Her mind was swimming in booze and her heart was grounded in embarrassment. How much had he seen? How much of her mind had he heard?

“I’m sorry,” she said, sniffling as she lost her footing and fell against the metal door frame. Her eyes stung but she couldn’t blink back the tears that gathered on her lashes.

She was that lonely child crying in her quarters on the Val Jean again: her blood warm from drinking and her heart wounded.

“There is nothing for you to apologize for,” Sevik said. He didn’t move, but seemed to be watching her. “I did not learn new information tonight.”

“What?” Juniper tried to wipe the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand but managed to only smear her makeup around.

“When you struck me on the holodeck, I saw a piece of a memory. It had very strong emotions attached to it,” he said.

Juniper wanted to melt into the floor. Not only had she slapped him but she’d left some puzzle piece of her life behind in the process? What had he seen? Her body slumped over in mud, her world nothing but pain as a Cardassian weapon came down on her again and again.

“Oh God,” she groaned. She slid her hands over her face as if that might hide her from the world.

It’d been so long since she’d been drunk she had forgotten how awful it made her feel. How many times had she felt this weight in her chest as her mind fluttered between emotions.

She was hurt by her memory, embarrassed by this social fumble and tired from dancing. Maybe it was for the best that she’d had the last of the liquor on Voyager.

“I have not told anyone,” Sevik tacked on.

Juniper peered through her fingers at him. He seemed to be almost comforting her in a stilted way. She dropped her hands.

“I thought you didn’t remember that.”

“I don’t.”

Sevik took a step closer and she hated how it made her heart jump into a march. Since when did she give a shit about Sevik of all people?

“As you seem unable to walk, may I carry you the rest of the way?”

He could have been asking her about a report, or addressing the weather. Maybe that’s what compelled her to answer:

“Sure.”

Sevik slipped an arm around her shoulders and one under her knees and lifted her up as easily. She let her head rest against his shoulder, mindful to avoid the slip of skin exposed by his collar. She closed her eyes as he walked through the hallways and into the turbolift. She could hear low deep breaths in his chest but nothing else but the hum of the ship around them.

“Where’s your heartbeat?” she asked, a wandering hand tapping his tunic above his chest cavity.

“Vulcan anatomy, while similar on the outside, differs from humans,” he said. “My heart is in my side, where your liver is.”

Juniper thought of the vague area in her gut where most of those important organs probably were. A human liver was probably there but she wasn’t sure. She decided to learn where her liver was before she punished it again.

He carried her out of the turbolift down the short walk to Cabin 4-5B. Gently, Sevik set her on her feet but kept a hand on her wrist, the thin fabric of her dress keeping their skin separate. He took it and gingerly placed her palm against his side around where the fabric of his tunic had a pleated pattern decorated in Vulcan script.

Under her fingers she could feel his heart, the beat more of a hum like she had grazed a hummingbird’s wings.

“Sleep well,” he said.

Juniper began to pull her hand away only to bump into his fingers still looped around her wrist. She knew she should pull away but didn’t. She let their hands linger in their touch. Sevik didn’t pull away either and her chest swelled with a feeling she didn’t completely understand.

“Good night,” she said, finally untangling their hands and retreating to her room.

Chapter Text

Juniper had passed out on Vavi’s bunk, too exhausted to climb up to her own. It was late afternoon when she woke up according to the ship’s clock. Good for keeping her nightshift routine, but terrible considering she had wasted an entire day sleeping. Rordin and Taan were tangled up on Rordin’s lower bunk, fast asleep.

It was so intimate that Juniper felt weird for being there to witness it. She retreated to the bathroom and stripped off her party clothes and stood through three different cycles of the sonic shower before she felt clean.

She tip-toed back into the main room, slipping into her uniform when her memory slapped her upside the head.

Her fingers tracing crimson fabric, cool skin under her warm touch, the flutter of a Vulcan heart.

Fuck.

She grabbed her boots, deciding to pull them on in the hallway instead of disturbing her roommates, but marched straight out of the room and into the turbolift. Her shoes hung from her fingers as her mind raced trying to place the memories and why had they happened.

Nan got her drunk, yes, but who made her feel all touchy for Sevik? Was there alien pollen in the vents? Had Earth liquors always had such odd aftereffects?

The door opened on Deck Thirteen and she went straight to Lab Three and stood outside of the door trying to think of a game plan. Should she ask what happened? Should she apologize? Should she just ignore it?

“Hello, Crewman,” a voice behind her greeted. Juniper jumped, her boots clattering to the floor. Sevik held a PADD and a cup of what appeared to be coffee. “You are not allowed into any labs without proper footwear.”

“Sorry,” Juniper muttered, snatching her boots up and shoving her feet into them. Sevik walked past her into the lab and she hopped in after him, straightening the leg of her uniform.

“This is for you,” Sevik said, handing her the coffee mug.

“Me?”

“Yes.”

Juniper looked between the beverage to the Vulcan’s face.

“I read it is the preferred drink for human hangovers.”

She took it and even the warmth of the mug against her chilled fingers was welcomed.

“Thank you.” She took a sip and moved towards her corner of the lab to set to work. She stared down at her plans as she drank her coffee, trying to train her brain for actual work.

“Crewman Dart?”

Sevik stood on the other side of her workbench. Usually, he kept to his side with Dart invading his workspace. It was odd to see him cross the invisible border of the lab.

“Hm?” She took a big gulp of coffee.

“I wish to address our previous encounter.”

Suddenly the coffee was too bitter to enjoy. She set the mug aside, swallowing back her pride.

“I’m really sorry I behaved that way. I haven’t had a drink in so long and I wasn’t—”

“While I do not see the logic in inhibiting oneself as you did last night, that is not what I wish to discuss,” Sevik said.

Juniper bit back a comment on his interruption and gripped the edge of her workbench.

“What do you wanna talk about?”

“Becoming inebriated can often bring out suppressed or unconscious behavior,” Sevik said as if quoting a passage from a book. “And considering the behavior you displayed I would like to make a proposition.”

Juniper narrowed her eyes at him. She didn’t know what was coming but she had a feeling she wouldn’t like it.

“You are attracted to me,” Sevik announced as a solid fact in the first hour of their shift on a gloriously boring Sunday night.

“Excuse me?”

“I read many files that collaborate my hypothesis.”

“What?”

“Excessive touch is a herald of human attraction. And there is also the emotion I felt from you when you touched me.”

“Oh God,” Juniper pressed the butt of her hand into her eyes wondering if she could dig straight through her skull and end this conversation.

“It is also a hallmark of human attraction to feel embarrassed once discovered.”

“Sevik, is there a point to this or do you plan on torturing me all shift?” Juniper said.

“I have an objective, yes. I do ask that the contents of our conversation remain confidential.”

Juniper pulled her hand from her face to look at him. He didn’t look any less serious than usual but it was so hard to read him.

“Your secrets are safe with me,” she said, her curiosity getting the better of her. To her surprise Sevik took a deep breath and rolled his neck as if working out a kink. It was a strangely human motion that looked so odd on him.

“Vulcans are required to mate every seven years through a cycle called pon farr. It is a fever that takes our logic and control and if not sated, kills,” Sevik said. His voice wavered as if willing him not to speak. The words themselves were the kind of outrageous thing an alien might say at a bar to get Juniper to go back to their room, but from Sevik it rang true. It was clear in the pain in his voice that this was no ploy. “I have very few options aboard Voyager and my time is approaching within the next few months. I am not knowledgeable of the courting rituals among other species and interact with few crewmembers. I was prepared to die when my time comes, but if you find me… appealing then it would be illogical not to ask you.”

“Ask me what exactly?” Juniper asked.

“To mate with me during that time.”

Juniper blinked. Her throat was unbearably dry and despite her common sense yelling for her to obviously say no, her lips refused to form the word. This was not simply turning down a date, but a plea. There was no romance to it, not even sensuality. It was a man asking, based on what he knew of her, if she would help him live.

“But you don’t like me,” Juniper said, more concerned than anything else. Sevik clearly had no positive feelings for her so despite whatever budding attraction she may feel for him it was an uneven playing field.

“I find your work ethic and general behavior lacking. I do not care for human company nor do I enjoy working closely with former Maquis members,” he said. “But you are an adequate engineer and are loyal to your friends.”

“A glowing recommendation,” Juniper said, giving a nervous laugh. “But not exactly what you want in a partner.”

Sevik said nothing and it was clear that it wasn’t what he wanted in a partner at all. Juniper looked down at her cup of coffee. A peace offering from him to open the conversation. Juniper couldn’t help but feel he was giving up more than he was gaining by this proposal. Her insides twisted like laundry being rung out. It felt wrong but everything felt wrong in the Delta Quadrant. The Starfleet uniform on her shoulders was wrong, the life long trip home felt wrong.

I was prepared to die.

She wasn’t Sevik’s friend but the idea of letting him die didn’t sit well with her. If she demanded the Federation help its citizens no matter the cost then she should plan to do the same herself.

“I agree.”

Oddly enough the lab worked just as it had before. Sevik kept to his side and Juniper to hers. They had made a couple of rules that day that they both lived by.

Neither of them were under any obligation to treat this as a true relationship. If either party found a better mate they could leave the contract freely.
There need not be any interaction with one another but for the week of Sevik’s pon farr every seven years.

If it was possible to be friends with benefits with a Vulcan, Juniper had done it.

“Do you think they’d give us a big room?” Juniper asked, leaning against Sevik’s lab table. Her muscles ached from setting the glass barriers in the metal framework but the whole corner looked closer to a finished product.

“It is customary for couples on the same ship to receive a private room,” Sevik said, eyes on his microscope.

“I’d like a bigger room all to myself,” Juniper said. She enjoyed spending time with her roommates but in the last few days Rordin and Taan had become especially close. Juniper never saw anything but there were some near misses that made her wish she wasn’t walking into a love nest every time she went to change clothes.

“I would be there too,” Sevik said flatly. “If you’d like a private room you will need many promotions.”

“That was almost a joke,” Juniper said. “I think I’m rubbing off on you.”

“If you are not doing anything, report to the medbay for an examination,” Sevik said, pushing a PADD towards her without looking up from his work. Juniper picked it up and it was a long Federation-speak document.

“Is there an abridged version of this,” Juniper said, trying to focus on the small type.

“Interspecies relationships must be approved by the chief medical officer and commanding officer on board.”

“I highly doubt Janeway is signing off on every one night stand on this ship,” Juniper said.

“I would like my paperwork to be complete and approved,” Sevik said with a tone of finality.

“Of course, Ensign, I would expect nothing less.”

The medbay went by smoothly. She tested negative for all the required tests and the Doctor had given her a Federation approved birth control implant. She had gotten her previous implant at an outpost at the edge of the Demilitarized Zone from a medical professional who was also selling hardcore kink holo-novels and a weird peanut-like snack with a Ferengi on the packaging. Not exactly up to Federation regulation, or any regulation really.

Sevik was speaking with Captain Janeway alone as Juniper had no desire to drag herself up to the bridge to beg permission to sleep with someone. Yet as she stepped into the turbolift her combadge crackled.

“Crewman Dart to the bridge,” Janeway’s voice called over the channel.

Juniper frowned but went straight to the bridge. She’d only seen the bridge once when they first boarded and then again in Sevik’s holo lesson. It was large, carpeted, and had an air of self importance. The view screen showed nothing but empty space in front of them and she noted that Tom Paris was watching something on a PADD, his console an afterthought.

Juniper stood awkwardly where she had left the turbolift, beside Tuvok’s station.

“Don’t touch anything,” he warned. She didn’t appreciate his tone and she answered with an equally sour one.

“Didn’t plan on it.”

Janeway’s ready room door opened and Sevik exited. He didn’t say anything but gave her a nod as he passed her to the turbolift.

The Captain poked out of the room and waved her in.

The ready room was twice as large as her own quarters and had a large window that looked out at space. It was a nice compartment, but it only made Juniper feel bitter.

“Take a seat,” Janeway said, motioning to an empty chair across from her desk. The room was empty but for the two women. “I wanted to ask you a couple of questions before approving this request.”

Juniper kept her lips firmly shut lest she said something completely incorrect.

“I don’t want to make a judgment based on one party’s view when it will affect you as well,” Janeway said. “Although Ensign Sevik’s request is… thorough, I’d like to hear your uniquely human side.”

“He’s not pressuring me into anything if that’s what you’re worried about,” Juniper said, tired of listening to the Captain beat around the bush. “I didn’t come with him because I find it utterly ridiculous I have to concern you at all.”

“It is for the safety of all of our crewmembers.”

“I never had to ask Chakotay for permission to fuck anybody.”

Janeway’s face didn’t move. She kept her stern but listening mask on despite Juniper’s verbal lash. It was impressive.

“You must understand my hesitance. Ensign Sevik and yourself are very different and I can see in your personal records that you’ve antagonized one another before. Tuvok has recorded at least one incident where he had to intervene. That was only a few months ago.”

“Then you should also see that I’ve been working on Ensign Sevik’s lab for the past two months without incident.”

“Except for the technology theft, disregard for personal safety, and blatant disrespect of an officer?”

“At least you know I’m not sleeping with him to advance my illustrious Starfleet career if he’s still willing to write me up.”

Janeway leaned back into her chair, her lips settled into a firm line. Juniper had no love for Starfleet, nor its Captains and she didn’t feel like pretending. It was clear that whatever Janeway was hinting at, Juniper wasn’t biting.

“Thank you, Crewman. I think I have all the information I need.”

Juniper entered her room like a hurricane, throwing off her combadge and tossing herself onto her bunk. She was trying to be a good person, she was helping someone in need but even that required a million Starfleet hoops to jump through.

She had barely settled into the blankets when the door chimed. Groaning, she answered it.

“Crewman Dart, may I speak to you privately?” Tuvok asked.

“I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“This is not a matter of behavior on board, but personal safety.”

Juniper frowned but followed Tuvok. They were silent as they passed through the halls to reach his office. It was odd he personally came to her door and not requested her over her badge. She looked down and realized she had left hers in her cabin.

Juniper sat in the hardback chair she had occupied all too often on Voyager and watched as Tuvok settled into his chair across his desk. It was painfully neat and without the coffee mug that had occupied Janeway’s.

“Captain Janeway is prepared to grant permission to you and Ensign Sevik’s personal request, as long as I allow it.”

“Excuse me Lieutenant, I didn’t realize we were signing up for a thruple.”

“I have never observed you treat Ensign Sevik with anything but frustration or disdain.”

“There’s a lot of time when you’re not around.”

“I find it odd that such a request would be put in at all.”

Juniper looked down at her lap. She questioned Wallace’s appeal, but she’d never stop Vavi from seeing him. Perhaps it was the senior officer mentality to keep everything at peace. When given the ability to play God, they’d use it.

“Ensign Sevik requested the relationship, Lieutenant, maybe you should talk to him,” Juniper said quietly. She was tired of sitting in offices, tired of answering questions and seeing how unhappy the officers were with her answer. “I’m sure you are aware of the reason why the Ensign would suddenly need a partner.”

“I am.”

“Then your questions are answered, may I leave?” Juniper started to rise from her seat.

“No. I do not believe you are fully aware of what you are doing.”

“Then that’s my mistake to make,” Juniper said. Tuvok rose to follow her.

“I will not let the Captain approve of this.”

Juniper stopped.

“What’s your fucking problem, Tuvok?” Juniper snapped. “I know you don’t like me, but you could at least let me do this to help Sevik.”

“Ensign Sevik is young and does not have a good record of keeping his control in check.”

“What do you mean?”

“It may not be clear to a human, but to a Vulcan Ensign Sevik is lacking. He is often unable to keep his emotions in check, even in my presence, and his records from the Vulcan Science Academy reflect this. He was brought aboard Voyager with the understanding that he remain on the night shift away from others as much as possible.”

Juniper was shocked. Sevik seemed completely Vulcan to her. He rarely showed any ounce of emotion to her but perhaps her measure of emotion was different from Tuvok’s.

“I do not mean to speak ill of Ensign Sevik, his adjustment to our long journey has been suitable and his work fine, but I worry that if put in a position where control is difficult for even the strongest of Vulcans he may prove unruly.”

“Are you saying you think Sevik is going to hurt me?” The idea was ludicrous. Sevik might have a sharp tongue at times but she watched how he worked with his plants, the man had a gentle touch. Even with an inhuman strength in his frame he had never once seemed aggressive, even when she’d slapped him hard enough to leave a mark.

“Crewman Dart, I don’t normally divulge this much to a human but if you are intent on tangling yourself in Vulcan matters then I must,” Tuvok said. “Ensign Sevik is asking you to weather a storm you cannot prepare yourself for. The pon farr is dangerous for all Vulcans and without a strong mind to maintain peace it could be disastrous.”

“What am I supposed to do, let him die?” she asked.

“There are… other ways to fix this. Please do not put yourself at risk.”

Juniper didn’t know what to say. She thought Sevik was a model Starfleet crew member, but it seemed even he could not reach Tuvok’s standards. If Sevik couldn’t do it, how could she possibly hope to?

Anger threatened to swallow her. She couldn’t keep standing in this office, she had to find a way to leave.

“I need to think about this,” she said.

“Please do, and do not take this lightly.”

Juniper sat in the middle of the greenhouse framework in Lab Three holding a plasma torch but not using it. The tool wasn’t even lit, she was merely staring at the metal beam on the floor, holding the torch above it but doing nothing. Her mind was miles away, tangled in Tuvok’s words. They couldn’t be right, Sevik was deep down a kind person. It took some chiseling to get to it but she believed that.

She had nothing to worry about. Tuvok was worked up about nothing and soon he’d see the error of his way.

She looked up at the clock on the wall. It was half an hour past shift start and Sevik was not in the lab. Ensign Sevik was late. She bit her lip. Sevik was usually more reliant than the clock.

She shook off her worry, flipping on her plasma torch. Tuvok was wrong and there was nothing to worry about. She was late all the time, she could let Sevik do the same.

It was an hour past shift start when he finally entered the lab.

“Ensign, I’ll have to report you for your tardiness.” Juniper smiled. She untangled herself from her jungle gym of support structures to greet him and found a very different Sevik waiting for her.

The tension was visible in every part of his body. His shoulders, his back, even a muscle in his jaw seemed to twitch. He walked stiffly to his station and sat on his stool but did not move to grab anything, only stared at the surface.

He looked irritable, and not in the subtle Vulcan way but in a very human way.

“Sevik?” She approached his station, careful not to touch anything. His fists were balled up and pressed into his thighs. “Are you alright?”

He closed his eyes, concentrating before he spoke.

“I am fine.”

“No offense, but you don’t look fine.”

He didn’t answer, but continued to sit perfectly still. He was fuming but refused to admit it. Was this what Tuvok was worried about? An emotion being felt in a way she could see? How unforgiving were the Vulcans to not allow the most basic of sensations to be felt?

Juniper sat on the floor, leaning against his work bench. She sat close enough to prop her foot up on the bottom rung of his stool.

“You know, I’m the only one here,” she said quietly, looking over at the plants shoved into the corner because of her work in their usual storage space. They weren’t particularly interesting, but even Juniper knew when someone desired not to be watched. “And I’m not going to tell anyone if you happen to feel an emotion or two.”

He didn’t say anything. She dared a glance at him and found his eyes closed and his chest heaving with long slow breaths. They sat like that for around ten minutes. Juniper didn’t say anything, but leaned her head against the workbench and waited. It took a while but eventually Sevik’s fists uncurled and when she looked at him his face had returned to its normal neutral expression, albeit with a flushed face.

“I apologize for my lateness,” he said finally, his voice even to the point of monotone. “I had a disagreement with Lieutenant Tuvok.”

“Then we have something in common,” Juniper smiled up at him.

“He has refused to approve our request, even on a temporary basis,” he said.

Juniper frowned. Why did Tuvok care what they did so much? Was it some desperate attempt to keep Voyager peaceful? Would it not be more peaceful with Vulcan wiles maintained? Of all the people on the ship to understand Sevik’s plight it was Tuvok and yet some grudge kept him from seeing it. Did Sevik have some great Vulcan defect that she was utterly blind to? Sure, he seemed upset but he controlled himself and at no point did she ever think she was in danger.

She looked at the man in front of her. He was stiff, annoying, and disagreeable but he wasn’t dangerous.

Juniper went to her feet, personal space forgotten as she leaned over Sevik.

“Don’t let him get to you,” she said, tapping a finger into his shoulder. “Tuvok is full of shit. Do you think I listen to everything he says about me?”

“It is clear you do not.”

“Exactly! I don’t need him to tell me how to live my life and neither do you.”

“Your attempts to soothe my feelings are unnecessary,” he said. “They do not change the status of our paperwork.”

Helping Sevik had been a side thought when she agreed but now she felt compelled to follow it through. After hearing how little Tuvok thought of him only made her more insistent to, well, protect him. She knew what it felt like for people to think so little of you. It also seemed that Sevik would only be willing to accept her help if every stamp was in place and box checked. Tuvok wouldn’t do it but there were plenty of other people on board.

“I think I may have a solution.”

Juniper paced around a small meeting room, not bothering to sit down. It had taken three days to get him to agree to meet her in private and she was too wired now that the time had come. The door finally opened and the second in command walked in.

“Chakotay,” she said, not bothering with whatever his title was. She was sure Janeway and Starfleet had given him a cutesy rank but he would always be her captain.

“Dart.” His voice slipped from that smiling Starfleet to the lower tone he used on the Val Jean. He was so different now she hardly recognized him, but that voice she did. It was the voice he used when she joined the Maquis all those years ago. She had shown up at a fueling station on the edge of the Dematerialized Zone, mud and blood still tangled in her hair and requested to join his crew. He made it very clear it was not something to ask for lightly.

He’d made her disassemble a phaser on the floor in the hallway of the station and reassemble it again. He took it, fired it once into the floor and burned a hole into the carpet. With that she had earned her spot.

He had been an icon on that ship. Something larger than life she had looked up to. Now he was in the same Starfleet uniform he had sought to shed years earlier. How the mighty fall.

Her hands folded behind her back of their own accord. It was how she used to stand at attention when she had something to believe in. When her back wasn’t yet healed and there was fire in her veins.

“There is a personal request for myself and Ensign Sevik on Janeway’s desk that Tuvok has all but sworn to not allow her to approve,” Juniper said, her throat thick. “It needs to be approved.”

“I can give my input to the Captain, but if she chooses to lean on Tuvok there is little I can do.”

“I don’t ask this for myself,” Juniper said. “But for Ensign Sevik’s sake.”

“Why Ensign Sevik? It was my understanding that you can’t stand him. Tuvok had the both of you on punishment for weeks.”

“Things change.”

“That’s all you’re giving me, Dart? Things change? I can’t do much with that.”

“I know I was only a part of your crew for a year before all of this happened but never in that time did I ever ask for a favor or preferential treatment. On Voyager I have never asked for you to step in on my account. This is the only thing I am asking.”

“If Tuvok is denying it there must be a good reason.”

“His denial is based on a grudge and Vulcan societal taboos that do not fit nor belong on Voyager.”

“And you know that for certain?”

“I know what he’s said to me.”

Chakotay leaned in closer, as if the walls of the room might be listening.

“Tuvok and the Captain are very close, there is little I can say to sway her if he’s dug in his heels.”

Juniper drooped. The last ace up her sleeve proved to be a bust.

“This may not make a lot of sense, but that request is a matter of life and death.”

“You’re right, that makes no sense,” Chakotay said. He considered her for a moment. “How much of the protocol have you followed?”

“All of it,” she confessed. “Sevik is extremely thorough. We’ve both passed physicals and filed every paper they could possibly want on the matter.”

Chakotay shifted, leaning against the back of one of the meeting chairs.

“If there is no risk of illness and both parties are willing… Tuvok cannot be all places at once. If something happens then it happens. If it is a matter of forgiveness than permission there isn’t a lot they can do,” Chakotay said. “Court marshals don’t exist in the Delta quadrant.”

“You do realize you’re asking me to make a Vulcan break a rule,” she said.

“Of all the people aboard, you’re the one to do it.”

She went to sleep with a headache and woke up with a bigger one. She felt drained despite a full eight hours of sleep. When she arrived in Lab Three, Juniper was grateful to see another mug of coffee on her workbench. She immediately cupped it in her hands and settled into the only non-stool chair in the room and sunk into the cushion. She listened to Sevik move around his work station watering his plants.

She had to figure out how to put Chakotay’s loophole into practice but it felt next to impossible. They weren’t in a real relationship and they certainly couldn’t disappear for a few days from their shifts and come back like “Whoops!” Not to mention an official relationship would give them permits to a private room to themselves and she doubted whatever time Sevik was going to go through he wanted to do it in front of roommates.

Juniper had begun reading up on Vulcan culture. It wasn’t prioritized on Volan II seeing as the colony had no strong ties or was even close to Vulcan. They learned far more about Bajorans and Cardassians and the other peoples in that sector. Earth schooling seemed to be full of Vulcan history and biology. The first contact between the species was a big ordeal and there were a million files over it. Juniper took to reading whatever she could get her hands on. If Vulcans were touch-telepaths then there were probably a bunch of other little things she didn’t know and would like to.

There was nothing in the files about the pon farr but Sevik had warned her it was not discussed, even among Vulcans. There were, however, many articles about Vulcan marriage. They appeared to be betrothed at a very young age and it set Juniper’s brain spinning.

“Do you have a mate in the Alpha Quadrant?” she asked the next day in the lab. She kept biting back the question because it truly wasn’t her business but it kept gnawing at her.

“I do not,” Sevik said coolly, tapping away on a PADD.

“I read that Vulcans are engaged very young, I thought you might have one.”

“She died shortly after I left for Starfleet,” he said. No emotion.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It is of little consequence now,” he said, his eyes still on his work. “Do you have a mate back home?”

“Oh God no,” Juniper scoffed. “Wait, if you have no mate how did you survive previous pon farr cycles?”

Sevik paused, giving her a fleeting look before turning away to examine a purple cactus-like plant.

“There are certain services on Vulcan.”

“Does that mean you’ve never been with someone outside of your time?”

His shoulders tensed under the question.

“I’m sorry, ignore me, I’m being rude,” Juniper said, turning back to her work.

“Your questions have merit. I will answer them on a different occasion,” he said. “How did your conversation with Commander Chakotay go?”

Juniper chewed on her lip. She’d been holding back the news because she wasn’t sure how he’d react.

“We did… talk,” she began, walking over to Sevik’s desk and toying with pruning shears he had set down.

“Your hesitance insinuates he agreed with Tuvok.”

“Not exactly,” she said. “It’s out of his hands basically. But he did mention a, uh, loophole.”

Sevik paused to give her a look.

“It wouldn’t be by the rule book but hey,” she said, lifting the shears to gesture around her. “Can’t really live like that out here.”

Sevik raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, basically, he said that if we initiate a relationship then they’ll have no choice but to approve it so we have privileges when your time comes.”

“Additional coupling was not a part of our agreement, I would not ask that of you.”

“Well,” Juniper pressed the tip of the shears against her finger, twisting the handle around. “If you’ve never done anything outside of your time then maybe it could be a learning opportunity. And it might prove to Tuvok that all his blistering was for nothing.”

“Are you asking to initiate a relationship?”

Juniper’s hand slipped and the tip of the shears nicked her fingertip. She dropped them, cursing herself. Sevik was beside her immediately.

“I’m fine,” she said, trying to wave him away.

“You are bleeding, you need to report to sickbay.”

“It’s a scratch, Sevik,” she said. “I’ve gotten far worse.”

Juniper popped her finger into her mouth and iron flooded her tongue.

Sevik reached under his work bench, grabbed a first aid kit and tore it open. He pulled a small dermal regenerator out and motioned for her hand. Juniper reluctantly put her hand in his. He pressed the device to the tip of her finger and the skin repaired itself instantaneously. Even after it was healed Sevik ran his finger over it, as if testing the flesh.

There was a tickle at the back of her mind.

“You didn’t answer my question,” he reminded her, her hand still in his. Her eyes fell to where his fingers touched hers. She remembered the unique ability of Vulcans to sense emotion through skin contact and she gently removed her hand, hiding it behind her back.

“Not a relationship but I’d be willing to add one more, uh, encounter to our agreement.”

Sevik grabbed his PADD and opened his calendar.

“And when would you like this encounter to occur?”

“Oh, we’re scheduling it?”

“Yes.” He said, his voice free of any irony. “I am free today after shift and my cabin will be empty at 8000 hours, but anytime this week would work—”

“The sooner the better,” she said, not wanting to engage with the planning.

“Perfect,” he said, tapping his PADD. “I will see you after shift.”

Chapter Text

Cabin 4-5B was sleepily getting ready for the day when Juniper stepped inside. Rordin was braiding her hair while Vavi was still in bed.

“Morning,” Rordin yawned.

“Morning,” Juniper echoed, awkwardly standing in the middle of the cabin. She wanted to pop into the sonic shower but she could hear Taan moving around inside the bathroom and the Ensign was not exactly known for being quick in her morning routine. Juniper usually waited until they were already on shift to get ready for bed but she did not have that luxury today.

“Are you okay?” Rordin asked.

“Huh? Me? I’m great,” she said. She was sweaty from working and from her own nerves. When had she gotten worked up over this? Why was her body so fluttery?

With nothing else to do Juniper turned to the clothing replicator. She rarely used it, either wearing her uniform for her pajamas but she needed something in between for this. She didn’t want to wear her duty uniform to a booty call but walking around in her pajamas would also bring questions.

She had accumulated quite a few replicator credits now that she wasn’t playing poker on the night shift and losing to Nan and Jax constantly. She scrolled through the catalog, her heart rattling inside her chest.

She settled on a pair of tight black shorts and a red shirt with a high neck and no sleeves. Once the replicator had spit out the clothes the bathroom door finally opened, and she practically pushed past Taan to get inside.

There was no reason for her to be nervous. If anything this was exactly the kind of exchange she would appreciate. A little action for absolutely no emotional mess. Juniper had spent her years before Voyager jumping from stranger to stranger and leaving before they could ask her name. Maybe that’s why the way he phrased it made her stomach turn.

A relationship. She barely knew the meaning of the term. She’d never had one, not in the sense everyone used it. She’d never been like Vavi who was all too quick to fall in love with someone. Juniper never wanted anything but touch from the people she met in the seedy border world bars and that’s all she ever got. Except on Voyager there was no quick escape from mistakes. There would be no way she could ignore Sevik, she worked in the same lab for him and would for the next couple of months.

No. This was no different. One fuck now, and then another one during his pon farr. Then every seven years she was guaranteed some action. Simple as that. Vulcans made it all too easy. Sevik clearly had no romantic connection to her, and he was as professional as they came. It was perfect.

She’d finally get laid and wouldn’t have to worry about someone mopping around the corridors because she didn’t want to marry them.

Juniper finished her shower and pulled on her replicated clothes. They fit her nicely but the shirt left the edge of the scarring on her shoulders uncovered. She pulled on her dad’s jacket, the softened leather a comfort. It was old and the blue stripe around the right arm was faded and cracked but it made her feel so much calmer.

On Volan II, when the jacket was not yet hers, she had the closest thing she’d ever come to a partner. She was a teenager, young and not yet knowledgeable about the different planetary tensions. There was a Cardassian trader that came by their colony regularly and he brought his son along with him. She wasn’t sure of the son’s age, it was hard to tell under the ridges and scales, but she’d found him handsome. He spoke little standard and she spoke even less Cardassian but somehow they ended up in the tool shed at the edge of the corn field tangled with one another.

He’d kissed her hard enough to split her lip open. He seemed apologetic, but then again she hadn’t understood a word that left his mouth. She did know his name: Ra’kin. He’d been unable to pronounce her name correctly, but had moaned “Jupiter” over and over into her ear. It had been the fumblings of children, inexperienced but fueled by eager hormones.

They’d met in the shed for a year. Until Juniper learned what he stood for. Until Ra’kin stopped following his father’s trading ship and joined the Obsidian Order. After that it didn’t feel right getting close to anyone.

Sevik was not going to join the Obsidian Order but he was in Starfleet. He was a tool of the Federation but the same could be said of Juniper. She tried to tell herself it wasn’t true, she was impressed into service with no other choice but to be left behind in deep space. The Juniper aboard the Val Jean back home would have never thought of helping a Starfleet officer. But he was in need. A situation where, yet again, rules and treaties stood in between life and death. They may have left Volan II to the wolves, but she would not let them cannibalize their own crew.

She started for the door.

“Juni? Where are you going?” Vavi asked. She had roused herself while Juniper was in the shower and had her uniform half on, the arms still hanging around her waist. “Why are you dressed like that?”

“I thought I’d get some walking in before bed,” she said.

Vavi looked to Taan and Rordin who were also clearly suspicious.

“I’m not going to bomb anything if that’s what you’re wondering,” Juniper said. She stepped into the corridor before they could say anything else. She knew she was a creature of habit but why must they question her every action? On the Val Jean people didn’t bat an eye if you were out late, or you brought some alien to your cabin. It was understood that they were all adults and some things were personal. There was no sense of personal space or private affairs on a starship, especially this one.

The day shift were all moving to their stations and it was busier than Juniper was used to. She kept close to the walls in the corridors to keep from bumping into anyone. Sevik had given her his cabin number and she slowly made her way to the deck above her own towards it.

The hallway looked identical to the one that led her own quarters, but there was something off about it. Different people brought different smells. There were plants set out into the hallway and someone had put drawings and posters up on the hallway wall.

Ensigns flooded the corridor, leaving their rooms at the last possible minute to make it on time to their shift. She earned a few glances, walking opposite of the flow of traffic while looking for a specific door. She found it and fought the flow of uniforms to stand in front of it, pressing the panel to ring her presence.

The door opened and she stepped in, thankful to be out of the busy hall.

The room was identical to her own. Two bunk beds pressed against opposite walls with a small area in the middle and a wall of closets with a small replicator. Sevik sat on a neatly made bottom bunk. His area was neat and clean, as she expected. However, he was not alone.

Gerron, a young Bajoran that had been a part of the Val Jean’s crew, was sitting on the top bunk above Sevik. He was dressed in uniform but seemed to be in no rush to move. He noticed her and immediately sat up.

“Juni, what’s up!” Gerron hoped down to the floor to greet her, the charms on his earring clinking together as he moved. “I haven’t seen you in forever, how have you been?”

“Good, Gerron,” she said, her eyes flickering to Sevik. “How are you doing?”

“Better than I thought. I don’t think I could ever go back to not having three meals a day,” he said. Juniper agreed with him. In the Maquis they did not often have access to replicators or fresh food and simply went without. When they did happen upon a spot that would serve them and not report them they often ate themselves sick.

“It’s definitely a perk,” Juniper said. “Aren’t you late to your shift?”

“I am but it’s in protest,” Gerron said. “They don’t let me do anything in the labs but sweep the floor.”

“Gerron, you know I love any chance to upset Starfleet protocol but I think in this case you should report to your shift and tell your supervisor about your frustrations,” she said, hating every word as they left her lips.

“You do?”

“I do.”

“Did they send you thinking I’d listen to a Maquis?” he frowned.

“Gerron, honey, I’m not even here for you,” Juniper whispered.

The Bajoran looked from her to Sevik who was still sitting quietly on his bunk, reading something on his PADD. Gerron looked to her with an eyebrow raised.

“Alright,” he said, grabbing his comm badge from his bunk. He gave them both a nod and left without another word.

Juniper slumped against the bunk’s frame.

Sevik stood up, picking up a small potted succulent that was on a shelf between the bunks and took it into the hall. She watched him set it on the floor right beside the door and come back in.

“What’s with the plant?”

“It is Ensign Davis’ way of signifying he has company and wants to be alone,” he said. “My roommates will understand it’s meaning.”

“Does Ensign Davis often kick you out of your cabin?”

“Yes.”

Juniper laughed but Sevik remained stone faced. He was wearing the Starfleet issued pajamas, the shirt dipping low enough to show off his throat. She thought of the night she’d gotten drunk on the holodeck and how she’d traced her fingers over his neck. The memory sent a shiver down her spine.

“So, how do you want to do this?” she asked, toying with the zipper of her jacket.

“From my research I have found it is imperative that there be an adequate amount of foreplay,” he said, matter-of-factly.

“You really know how to make a lady swoon.”

“You are joking. Was this conclusion incorrect?”

“No, no not at all. It is, uh, imperative.”

Sevik took a seat on the edge of his bed and motioned to the space beside him. Juniper filled the spot. She kicked off her boots and knocked them under his bunk. Might as well get them out of the way.

“Do you have a preferred type of foreplay?”

“What?”

“Do you need me to repeat the question?”

“No thanks,” she said. It was hard to see past his clinical speech. He was right, a part of her was attracted to him but it was hard to find when he kept talking about sex like they were ordering a pizza. She was used to passion, to liquor fueled fucks in dark rooms. When asked point blank what to do under bright white lights she was left stunned. “I’m kind of drawing a blank.”

“Would you be comfortable if I took the lead in this encounter? I have studied human sexual interactions and many humans find it titilating being told what to do.”

“Thank you but I know what I’m doing,” Juniper said, suddenly feeling inferior. She was doing this Vulcan a favor and yet she felt like she was the inexperienced once. She shrugged off her jacket and tossed it to the floor. She’d never seduced a Vulcan before but she was sure it was like all the rest of them and that meant the more skin showing the better.

Her nipples were hard and poking at the fabric of her shirt but there was nothing to hide behind now. She pressed her hands on her hips rather than cross her arms over them. There was no reason to feel shy, it wasn’t like Sevik had any more action that she had on Voyager.

Sevik was watching her, his gaze as focused as ever. His eyes trailed down her body and then back up to her face. He said nothing, only sat on the edge of his bed looking at her.

Okay, so not much for teasing. Juniper grabbed her shirt ready to pull it off over her head but paused. Sevik had felt part of her memory through their slap but had he seen her scars? He had certainly never seen them in person before. Did Vulcans care about physical appearance? Sevik himself had a scar but he never seemed bothered by it, but then again it wasn’t the size of his back.

What if she exposed herself to him and he went back on their agreement?

“Is something wrong?” Sevik asked. She had been standing there doing nothing for longer than she thought.

Usually her lovers were too drunk to notice. She’d hit the light switch as they’d stumble into their room and she’d immediately get on her back where they wanted her anyway. They never looked at her like this.

Her hands were on the hem of her shirt but she couldn’t bring herself to pull it off.

“Take it off me.” She stepped in front of him and raised her arms over her head. Sevik didn’t hesitate, nor did he move with any intention of stretching out the interaction. He pulled her shirt over her head, placing the fabric on the nightstand. He didn’t immediately bury his face in her breasts or start fondling her. There was no urgency to his touch and it made the knot in her stomach relax.

Sevik pulled off his own shirt. Her eyes immediately went to his bare chest. He was surprisingly well muscled under that science uniform, and dark hair trailed down from his navel, disappearing under his waistband.

A shiver ran through her whole body. She was more nervous than she thought she’d be. She was certain she’d be ready to jump his bones but maybe it was the lighting, or the fact that it was Sevik of all people. He was gorgeous in a stoic kind of way. The beauty that portraits in long halls and temples on top of mountains have.

Juniper pushed through her nerves and straddled his hips. She wrapped her arms around his neck, closing all distance between them. Their bare chests were pressed together and she was looking straight into his eyes. He was cool to the touch just as he had been the night of the holodeck party. A cooling balm to the warmth growing inside of her.

Without thinking about it she pressed her lips to his. It wasn’t passionate, but a curious caress. She pressed close to him, letting their kiss drag on. It had been so long since she’d kissed anyone and she was starving for it. She slid her tongue along the seam of his lips and he parted them for her, following her lead. The longer her mouth lingered against his, the warmer his lips became.

His hands were on her hips, holding her onto his lap, but as their kiss deepened they slid up her back. She could feel his fingers pass over the twisted scar tissue and she froze. Sensing her discomfort, Sevik moved his hand around her ribs, sliding up to cup her breasts. His thumb slid across her nipple and she leaned into his hands.

There was a safeness to his touch. She could feel the strength in his arms and there was never a moment where she thought he would let her slip into the floor. He moved his tongue against her own, his hands roaming her body, but she felt that if she pulled away he’d let her. Not everyone Juniper had been with had been so kind.

She shifted on his lap, bringing her mouth hard against his. His hands reached to caress her cheek but the second he touched her face he pulled his hands away. Was he nervous? Was he unsure where to touch her? She decided for him, grabbing his hands and pressing them to her hips. His mouth traveled down her jaw to press kisses against her throat.

“I can smell your arousal,” he said. She shuddered, warmth flooding her body. He pressed another languid kiss to her neck. “Tell me what you are thinking.”

“It’s hard to think,” she said. She could feel a stiffness growing beneath her and she was shamelessly grinding against it.

He grabbed her ass and twisted them around, laying her back against the sheets. He was over her, his body warm from being pressed against her own. He pulled at her shorts and she helped him pull the tight fabric off her hips, wiggling out of the garment until she was completely naked beneath him. His dark eyes trailed her body before returning to her face.

“Show me how you touch yourself.” A blush covered Juniper’s cheeks. He was straight forward, as she expected a Vulcan to be, but she didn’t expect to find it so erotic.

She moved her hand between her thighs and slowly began to rub against her clit. Her hand had been her only bed companion for the last few years and she knew exactly how to touch herself to get a quick rush. However, she didn’t feel like going fast, not with Sevik’s heavy gaze on her. She moved slowly, watching him watch her. His expression was neutral but his gaze never left her hand. She smiled as she watched his dark eyes follow her fingers through their routine.

He stilled her hand with a light touch to her wrist and replaced it with his own. He copied the motions exactly only with his larger fingers. Juniper bit down on her lip, struggling to keep her composure as he touched her in every right place. His thumb teased her clit at just the right angle. She was stifling a moan when two of his fingers pressed into her. She’d been breathing heavily from her own touch but Sevik’s took her breath completely away. It’d been three years since anyone else had touched her and even then that had been a drunken encounter with a Ferengi that had been extremely underwhelming.

She melted under his touch, her eyes closing out the world except for the sensation of his hand between her legs. She forgot their arrangement and the politics of fucking a lab mate, and grinded against his hand determined to claim that peak that felt so close.

It wasn’t long before Sevik’s precise touch had her writhing against his sheets. His fingers teased her right to the brink and her orgasm hit her like a train. She gasped as she came onto his hand.

She stared up at the bottom of the bunk above her head trying to figure out how she felt being fingered by a Vulcan. It had been efficient, that’s for sure, and she liked it. In fact, she wanted more.

She looked up to see him inspecting his hand, her slick covering his fingers. Juniper sat up, a sly smile on her lips. She’d picked up a little trick during her Val Jean days that drove guys absolutely wild no matter the species.

“Let me help you clean up,” she said. She took his wrist in her hands and watched him carefully, waiting to see if she was able to elicit a reaction from his stone face. She brought his pointer and middle finger up to her lips and pressed them deep into her mouth against her tongue, sucking her own juices from his fingertips.

His lips parted slightly. Juniper smiled, sucking on his fingers and taking them deeper into her mouth.

He moaned. Sevik actually moaned. It was a low sound that made her entire body burn. She sucked at his fingers harder and earned another one, louder. He was unraveling from a simple touch and she couldn’t get enough of it.

He pulled his fingers from her mouth and she released them with a pop of her lips. His dark eyes, usually concentrated and neutral, were hungry. He pressed his hand to the side of her face, his fingers sticky with salvia. She pressed into the caress, holding the back of his hand to her cheek. His mouth crashed into hers, kissing her with an intensity she didn’t know Vulcans had. There was a tickle at the back of her mind as Sevik’s body wrapped around hers. He pressed her back into the sheets, his body heavy against hers. It was a welcomed sensation and her legs parted of their own accord.

His hips pressed against hers, and she heard him suck in a breath before pulling his hand away from her face again. In its place, he shoved his face into her hair, his cheek pressed against hers.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” His voice was raspy and she could feel his lips moving against the shell of her ear.

He pulled off his shorts and suddenly all she could think of was the stiffness of his cock pressing between her legs.

“Uhhh,” she wriggled her hips, eager for him inside of her and frustrated that his shoulders blocked her view. A hand grabbed her hip, stilling her movement. “God, I want you inside of me.”

He responded to that instantly, the swollen head of his cock pressed against her entrance. Juniper sucked in a breath. He moved slowly, caressing her body to his as he filled her. She hadn’t gotten a peek at him before he was inside but she could tell from touch alone that he was large. He stretched her until she found it hard to think. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pressing her hips up to feel him as deep as possible.

She was breathless, thoughtless, completely enraptured in his touch.

“Juniper, share your thoughts with me,” he asked, his voice struggling to sound even.

“I have none,” she answered truthfully.

His hands suddenly moved, grabbing the metal framing of the bed above her head. They were face to face, their noses nearly touching. Juniper didn’t notice the crease between his brow or the trembling in his shoulders. She slipped her arms around his neck and pressed their lips together.

The bed creaked as he began to thrust in and out of her. Each new press of their hips brought another wave of sensation. She moaned against his mouth, her fingernails biting into his shoulders as his pace quickened. She clung to him, her hips rolling to meet each new thrust until his touch became too much and she was coming for the second time.

He fucked her through it, sending aftershocks through her body. His hips stuttered and before he could come inside of her, he slipped out spilling onto her stomach. It was only then did he finally let go of the frame.

Juniper went limp against the bed, breathless and satisfied.

Sevik quickly grabbed a towel and she wiped his spend from her skin. To her surprise he settled into the bed beside her and wrapped an arm around her.

“Aftercare is also a vital aspect of human sexuality,” he said, as if giving a lecture.

“You’ve done your homework,” Juniper said sleepily. He was full of surprises. He’d actually been, well, good. Maybe it was because she was in the middle of a sex drought, but she honestly wouldn’t mind having Sevik again. He was forward and direct and while it wasn’t the best she’d ever had, it was far from the worst. “Do Vulcans not cuddle?”

“Cuddling is a way for humans to convey they care for and are pleased with one another. Vulcans can share minds and would already have that information. There is no need for it.”

“What do you think of cuddling?” she asked, pressing herself closer to him. He paused.

“It is fine.”

She’d rest for a little bit and then get back to her own room where she could shower and get some sleep.

Juniper closed her eyes and then nearly immediately fell asleep.

The stalks of corn swayed over her head. She stood at the edge of the field, toeing at a stone in the ground with the tip of her boot. He said he’d be there and she believed him.

Ra’kin popped out of the stalks behind her. He looped his arms around her waist and whispered something in Cardassian in her ear. She didn’t understand it but shoved him further into the stalks.

“Careful, my dad could see,” she laughed. Father didn’t like her speaking to the Cardassians, but Ra’kin seemed nice. She folded the boy’s hand in hers and led him through the field to the shed at the edge of the colony. It was small and warm inside, cluttered with machinery and tools. They didn’t mind. He caught her lips in a rough kiss, his nose bumping into hers.

He pressed a kiss against her throat, nuzzling his face against her neck.

“So different,” he muttered, his accent thick with no universal translator to help him. Juniper closed her eyes and leaned her head back as his mouth traveled down across her collarbone.

His hand slipped into her hair. She loved it when his fingernails grazed against her scalp and she moaned as his other hand pressed between her thighs. His calloused hand rubbed against her clit and she clung to him, afraid she’d shake apart under his touch.

His fingers pulled harder on her hair, nearly yanking it from the root.

“Ra’kin—” her eyes snapped open and it wasn’t Ra’kin standing over her but a fully grown Cardassian clad in armor. His hand was buried in her hair and he yanked her forward and tossed her out of the shed. She landed in cold mud as driving rain pelted the ground around her. She struggled to get to her feet but she kept slipping. When she did manage to rise to one knee a boot caught her in the shoulder and shoved her down again.

“Uncooperative,” the Cardassian grumbled. Another raised his disrupter and pointed it at her forehead. “Hold it. I’m not done.”

The shackles found her wrists and tore them apart, stretching her arms out in the shape of a T. She screamed as it pulled her in two different directions.

“Now tell me, where did all the humans flee to?” the older officer demanded, smiling down at her.

She didn’t speak. A whip came down on her back, slashing the skin open. She jerked, gasping for air. The officer nodded and three more lashes came down on her shoulders in quick succession. She couldn’t breathe much less talk, only writhe in pain held aloft by the shackles cutting into her wrists.

“Speak ghencardăst!” the officer snapped at her.

“I don’t know!” she screamed as another lash came down on her back. “Please!”

“Give that to me,” the officer demanded, taking the weapon from his subordinate and striking her again.

She screamed, unable to handle the pain that encroached on every part of her mind. She screamed as he whipped her back, splitting her skin over and over again. She screamed until her throat was sore and her voice was a scratchy yelp.

Juniper slumped over, held aloft only by the cuffs at her wrists. The Cardassians’ hand grabbed her hair and yanked her head back. She stared at the muddy fields before her. It was the cold season and everything that had grown had been harvested. It was nothing but mud and gray sky for miles. And yet something warm glowed on the horizon. She thought it was the pain causing visions but she felt a warm breeze touch her cheek.

Red sand washed across the muddy fields, piling around her knees and clouding out everything around her. The cold air was replaced by unyielding heat. The cuffs at her wrists vanished and she fell face first into the hot sand. She coughed, pushing herself up to see the world around her changed.

The sky was a deep orange, the familiar fields of Volan II replaced by scraggly cliffs and blood red sand. Hot wind rushed past her, sending dust into her face. She looked up and saw a figure close by. They wore white robes and had a curved knife at their belt. They walked towards Juniper with a limp, favoring their right foot. They spilled to their knees in the sand in front of her. The hood of his cloak covered most of his face but for the gash in his upper lip that oozed green blood.

He reached for her; his hand covered in emerald blood. She didn’t stop him but let his hand caress her cheek. She leaned into the touch. His fingers pressed against her temple and a white light burst across her vision.

She woke when the door to the cabin swished open. She was still in Sevik’s bed, tucked in under the covers, with Sevik himself wrapped around her, his hand tangled with hers. She jerked up to see a human Ensign in command red looking back at her.

“Oh, hello,” he said, eyebrows raised and a knowing smile on his lips. “Are you a friend of Sevik?”

She gripped the sheet close to her chest and realized her clothes were on the floor and there was no way to grab them without this Ensign getting a full show.

“Actually, we’re enemies,” she said. She kicked at Sevik but he only groaned in his sleep, his grip around her tightening. “Could you give us a second? I believe there is a succulent outside.”

“Apologies, of course,” the Ensign smirked, ducking out into the hallway.

“Sevik,” she said. When he didn’t wake she gently tapped his face. When that didn’t work she smacked him on the cheek.

The Vulcan blinked awake, fully alert. He looked from her to the clock beside the bed then down at the arm he had firmly wrapped around her. He quickly yanked his arm back.

Juniper sprang out of bed, grabbing her clothes from the floor and struggling to pull them on. She couldn’t find her shirt and she spun around the room, topless, in search of it.

Sevik sat on the edge of the bed, stretching the muscles in his neck, completely naked and seemingly not bothered by it.

“Have you seen my shirt?”

“You may use mine,” he said.

Juniper paused but quickly took him up on it, pulling on his gray pajama shirt. She tugged on her jacket and grabbed her boots, too frazzled to put them on.

“I have to get back to my room before my roommates get there and ask me a million questions,” she said.

“I will see you on our shift,” Sevik said.

Juniper stood by the door wondering if there was something you were supposed to do when leaving a hook up but instead she took her usual route and simply left.

Outside the Ensign, who she assumed was Davis, stood with Gerron and another command Ensign.

“Have fun?” Ensign Davis asked.

She blew past them, tripping over their succulent as she maneuvered the corridor through yet another shift change. She struggled into a crowded turbolift down to her deck. She ran down the hallway, and crashed into her room only to see Vavi sitting on her bed, legs crossed and mouth pursed.

“Well look who it is, wearing yesterday’s clothes,” Vavi said with a mischievous smile. “And a little birdy told me you were seen in Ensign Sevik’s room of all people. Could the two things be related?”

Juniper dropped her boots. She should have known better than to trust Gerron.

“Taan and Rordin will have some opinions about that,” she said, wiggling an eyebrow.

“We’re not together,” Juniper clarified.

“Oh, so just sex buddies.”

“I wouldn’t even call it buddies.”

“People who are only in it for the sex don’t usually sleep over.”

“I was tired! Sue me!” she said, shrugging her father’s jacket off and placing it in her closet.

“Is that his shirt?” Vavi asked. Nothing could get past her.

“Yes.” Juniper said. She turned to her friend and set her hands on her hips.

“What happened to not fucking Starlfeet?”

“That’s real rich coming from you.”

“I never promised not to,” Vavi corrected her.

“My options are extremely limited otherwise and I have… an agreement with Sevik.”

“An agreement?” her eyes went wide and suddenly she was right beside Juniper, an arm around her shoulder eager for more news. “Please tell me more about this agreement.”

“It’s private.”

The door opened and Taan and Rordin stepped in. Juniper shot Vavi a withering glare that, surprisingly, worked for the moment. She knew Vavi would talk the second she wasn’t in the room but that was going to happen no matter what.

After a shower and changing into her uniform Dart peeked into Lab Three. Sevik was already at his desk, tapping away at his PADD. It felt a little weird to start working again after having sex and falling asleep in his bed but there was little else she could do. She’d already agreed to do it in the future when he truly needed it, this was just practice. It was something she was going to have to get used to if she truly planned on helping him during the long trip home.

Juniper stepped inside and quietly went to the station where she found a cup of coffee and a bowl of blueberries waiting for her. She hadn’t eaten breakfast and was more than happy to indulge in it.

“Did you get this for me?”

“You’re disagreeable when you’re hungry,” he said casually, not looking up from his work.

Juniper picked a blueberry up from the bowl, testing it with her fingers. She’d never had one before, they didn’t grow on Volan II, but she had heard about them. She popped it into her mouth and found it pleasantly sweet.

“Isn’t there a rule against eating in the labs?” she asked.

“This is my lab and I enforce the rules,” he said.

Juniper couldn’t hide her smile. She took a sip of her coffee and watched Sevik as he studied something intently on the monitor in front of him. A thrill rocked through her body and suddenly was imagining herself bent over his workstation.

She quickly dismissed the thought. Sevik was a sexual partner for last night and then pon farr times only. He wasn’t her boyfriend, and she certainly wasn’t going to make their working relationship that much more complicated. It was walking a thin line that only worked as it did because he was a Vulcan, she didn’t need to disturb it.

The rest of the day went by uneventfully. They worked in their respective corners and by the time the shift was over Juniper was truly confident in their agreement. They were making it work. That and she probably felt a lot better after getting off.

She was back in her room when her PADD chimed. She opened it and found the relationship request Sevik submitted had been approved.

Chapter Text

Juniper stood in the mess hall waiting in line at the replicators. She had her own tray of food with Neelix’s pot, but she was willing to shell out a few rations. A large mug appeared and she grabbed its handle and started across the mess.

Chakotay sat at one of the tables, speaking with Paris. They were eating dinner while Juniper’s meal was intended as her breakfast. She stopped by their table and before she could say anything Paris excused himself.

“Dart, take a seat,” Chakotay said, motioning to the newly emptied chair.

She took a seat and placed the mug in front of him.

“What’s this?”

“Blue tea,” she said. “I remember you liked it on the Val Jean.”

“Thank you,” he said, taking a sip of it. “It’s delicious. I’m guessing your problem has been sorted.”

“It has. Thank you for your expertise.”

“You forget I’ve done the Starfleet dance before, I know the rules well enough to bend them.”

Juniper smiled and it quickly fell.

“I know we’re lightyears from when any of it mattered but does it ever rub you the wrong way to be back in Starfleet?” Juniper asked.

“Sometimes. Most of the time we’re just trying to keep everything together.”

“I wish everyone would relax,” Juniper admitted. “What’s the purpose of the handbook and rules when we’re the only Federation vessel around for decades. You’d think stuck this far out that Starfleet would lean on us a little more.”

“They know what they’re doing. We’ve gotten this far haven’t we?”

“But what happens when the energy runs out? When the replicators die and we’re back to struggling. These Starfleet officers don’t know what that’s like.”

“It sounds like you’re worried about your fellow crewmen, which means you’re more Starfleet than you think.”

“I worried about the crew of the Val Jean too but I also know they could handle themselves. Put in the same positions some of these Ensigns would fail,” Juniper said.

“Then it’s up to us to make sure they’re strong enough to weather it, isn’t it?”

Juniper smiled. “I’ll try my best.”

“Thank you for the tea, Dart.”

“Of course.”

She grabbed her tray and searched for a table to actually eat her food at. Most of them were full as it was the shift change and the prime meal time. She was about to give up and eat it in her cabin when she noticed a table pressed into the corner that had an open seat. She walked towards it, about to ask the science personnel sitting on the other side of it if the seat was open when she recognized them.

“Morning Sevik,” she said, suddenly not caring if the chair was taken and dropping into it.

“It is evening according to the ship’s clock,” he said stiffly.

“It’s kind of morning for us,” she said. “Besides there’s no sun to really tell by.”

She motioned to the window above the table and the endless stretch of darkness and stars.

Juniper took a bite of Neelix’s stew and wrinkled her nose. It wasn’t exactly tasty but it was food and she’d already spent her replicator ration on the gift for Chakotay so she was going to have to eat it.

“What were you discussing with Commander Chakotay?” Sevik asked.

“I was thanking him,” she said between bites of stew. “He helped us through our little problem with Tuvok and I wanted to show my gratitude.”

“Are you friends with the Commander?”

“I wouldn’t say friends, but he’s my first Captain and I feel like there’s always extra loyalty to your first.”

There was a lull where the only sound was their utensils scraping against their plates and the chatter from tables around them.

“Did you ever have a sexual relationship with Commander Chakotay?” Sevik asked.

“Why would you ask me that?” she asked, taken aback by the question. Juniper did a quick glance to see if anyone around them had heard him but thankful it appeared they had not.

“You are extremely familiar with him, more so than any other Maquis onboard with the exception of Crewman Vavi.”

Juniper chewed on her bottom lip. When she’d been freshly inducted into the Maquis and still trying to find her footing in that new life she had admired Chakotay more than she should have. He had a fierce untouchableness about him that had drawn her to him, especially as a young woman. The first month she’d been aboard the Val Jean they had one of their feasts at a stop over station that was willing to look the other way. She’d bought as many drinks as her pockets allowed, trying to drown her grief in bloodwine. It was before she was close to Vavi and she had no one to watch out for her.

She’d stumbled back to the ship before everyone else and found Chakotay had stayed back, not wishing to drink. She’d gone to his quarters, completely wasted, and propositioned him. He denied her, but got her water and even comforted her when she started sobbing about her father. She’d been a mess and she would have understood if he wanted nothing to do with her, but he’d be kind to her. Walked her back to her quarters before the rest of the crew could see how pathetic she looked.

“No, Sevik,” she said, poking a chunk of vegetable in her stew. “And I don’t appreciate being asked that question.”

“I apologize. It was a curiosity only and not intended to offend.”

“Have you slept with anyone on Voyager?” she asked, throwing the question back at him more with the intent to hurt than to truly discover anything.

“With the exception of yourself, I have not.”

“There. Now we know. Not that we needed to,” Juniper said, reminding herself that Vulcans were different and they probably had conversations like this at the dinner table for all she knew.

“May I suggest an adjustment to our current agreement?”

“What would that be?”

“During copulation Vulcans not only touch bodies together but their minds as well. When the time comes, would you be willing to share your mind with me?”

“Share minds? What is that like?”

“A mind meld. An exchange of thoughts and emotions straight from one mind to another.”

Juniper considered that. He had asked her many times what she was thinking but she could barely process anything into words. Maybe that was a big part of Vulcan sex she hadn’t considered? They were so brainy of course they wanted to share their opinions on how it was going rather than just feel it out.

“How much would you be able to see?” she asked.

“Everything. It would be as if our minds were one.”

“And I’d see everything in your head too?”

“Yes.”

Juniper swished the idea around in her head for a minute. She was intrigued at the idea of peeking into Sevik’s odd little psyche, but then every thought she’d ever had would be free game. Every memory she tried to push back, every mistake would be displayed.

“Let me think on that one,” she said, waving her fork at him. “But in the meantime I also have an amendment.”

“What do you propose?”

“Next time, come inside of me,” she said with a little smile. He raised an eyebrow.

“Noted.”

Life went on like normally for the next few weeks. News traveled fast and it seemed everyone and their roommate knew of their little rendezvous. Juniper had not planned on it being ship-wide news but it seemed being stuck lost in space put the crew at a severe gossip shortage so anything was free game.

She got home after a shift to find a message on her PADD. It was anonymous and held a single file. She ran a scan on it and after it came up free of any viruses she opened it. It was a romance novel, complete with a cover with a human woman whose dress was barely clinging to her body. A man stood behind her, a possessive hand on her hip, bare chested, beautiful, and Vulcan. In looping script the title was spelled out: To Meld a Mind. Someone had sent her Vulcan smut.

She ignored it but it was harder to ignore the small talk people suddenly decided to pick up with her. Before the news broke Juniper was not a target for conversation now everyone wanted to know how she was doing and if there’d be a reason to pull out extra rations in the near future. Of course that’s what they were after.

Juniper had only begun to feel comfortable reaching into other areas of the ship and now she was back to Lab Three and her own cabin lest she run into another nosy Starfleet officer.

Sevik didn’t seem to mind at all, mostly because no one seemed to ask him anything.

She walked in one morning and made a beeline for her station. Sevik had set out her breakfast, a regular routine for them now since she wanted to avoid the mess hall as much as possible. She cut off a chunk of waffle and shoved it into her mouth.

“Why do people think they can talk to me now?” she asked through a mouthful of food.

“Try that again,” Sevik said, minding his plants. Juniper swallowed her food and asked again.

“People keep talking to me. I can’t stand it.”

“I thought you enjoyed conversation, you indulge in it frequently.”

“Yeah, with people I want to talk to. Not fucking Ensign Davis,” she said.

“Has the Ensign been bothering you?” Sevik asked, looking up from his strange cacti collection.

“I just keep running into him and I don’t like the look he gives me. He says hi but it’s a slimy kind of hello.”

“Slimy?”

“I don’t know how to describe it, I just don’t like it,” she stabbed her waffle.

“I can speak to him to prevent such behavior in the future.”

“Don’t bother. I don’t want to think about him that hard.”

Sevik moved his samples and pressed a hand to his forehead. He seemed almost winded.

“You okay?”

“Hm?”

“You looked tired.”

“I’m fine,” he said and then corrected himself. “I did not get an optimal amount of sleep.”

“I thought Vulcans didn’t need as much sleep.”

“I haven’t gotten the required hours in many days.”

Juniper raised an eyebrow.

“Is that normal? Do you need to see the Doctor?”

“I doubt the Doctor has anything that will help me, and I do not care for his bedside manner.”

“Yeah but he might have a melatonin gummy or something,” Juniper said.

“Melatonin is the human hormone that regulates day cycles, it would do little in a Vulcan body.”

Juniper finished her breakfast and got to work. There were still weak points in her frame she needed to work on as well as laying the pumps below the floor now that she had a space cleared out. It was all back breaking work and truthfully she didn’t feel like doing it. They had so many years ahead of them on Voyager and the idea of rushing the project didn’t make sense. However, each planet they visited Sevik picked up another plant friend and they were outgrowing their corner and would need her greenhouse back eventually.

Juniper opened the hatch and slipped into the crawl space between the floor. The pumps fit but she needed to secure them in place in case the ship did a flip or the gravity failed. She crawled around, securing bolts for the better part of the shift before finally wriggling out.

“You have dirt on your face,” Sevik so kindly informed her.

“Not surprised,” she said, tossing a wrench into her toolbox and sitting on the floor for a moment to catch her breath. It was hard work but it was more stimulating than spinning in a chair in Engineering waiting for a light bulb to go out so they could rush over and fix it.

“Have you considered my addendum?” Sevik asked.

“Huh?”

“To our agreement.”

“Oh, right.” She’d nearly forgotten their agreement. Sevik was such a blank slate in the lab that it was easy to forget she’d slept with him only a month ago. He didn’t bug her like others in the past. He didn’t pull at her clothes like Ra’kin, trying to kiss her when she simply wanted to work. She found his company quite pleasant most of the time.

Truthfully, Juniper had given Sevik’s proposition little thought. It worried her more than anything but if he was asking her again it must be important to him. “I need to do a bit more research.”

“That is reasonable,” he said with usual even tone but when he looked down there was a single drop of sweat visible running down his face.

Juniper’s research consisted of reading the smutty novel To Meld a Mind. When she opened the file a little warning popped up, declaring the novel banned in Vulcan space. That only made her more curious.

It followed a familiar romance novel format. Rebecca, a human woman with a boring human husband, traveled to Vulcan where she met the ravishing Savok. It was full of out-of-date slang and it was clear it must be a bit older because Rebecca seemed to have no job or responsibilities of any sort. She simply sat by windows and yearned.

The husband quickly fell by the wayside as Rebecca grew closer to Savok. They played 3D chess together and while nothing ever happened Rebecca definitely wanted it to. There were long paragraphs that described Savok’s alien beauty and dreams where Rebecca imagined herself in his arms.

It wasn’t until halfway through the novel that Juniper hit the part that she was sure earned the ban. Unbeknownst to Rebecca, Savok’s time had come and while affected by the fever of the pon farr he sought her out. He described his pain and declared his want for her. Rebecca, a married woman, agreed to be with him.

The next fifteen chapters was nothing but long descriptions of sex acts Juniper wasn’t even sure were possible. Rebecca and Savok went at it in every position imaginable. Just when he finished he was ready again over and over again for seven straight days. The fact that Rebecca didn’t get a UTI was a miracle in and of itself.

What caught Juniper’s attention more than anything was the melding of minds. It was what Sevik was asking her to do and while a romance novel was not the perfect source for information it was the only one she had access to.

Rebecca’s breast heaved with anticipation. She was stretched out across the bed, naked and willing beneath him. The fire in his gut compelled him to have her again. Savok took a hold of her hips and thrusted his lok into her warm, waiting cunt. Rebecca moaned beneath him and it was not enough to see her pleasure, he had to feel it too. His fingers found her psi points, locking his fingers against her temple. He stared into her endless green eyes until their minds met and he could feel every ounce of her ecstasy and share his own with her.

Juniper read the section again before touching a hand to her cheek. When they’d slept together Sevik had touched her face often, nothing like the novel described because Juniper was sure she’d know a mind meld when it happened, but his fingers had brushed her temple often. He’d even snatched his hands away as if burned by it. He must have wanted to meld with her right then but he resisted, resorting to asking her about her feelings which she of course was unable to do.

She wanted to shove it into Tuvok’s face, that she had proof that Sevik was clearly in control of himself and there was no need to try to scare her away from doing an actual good deed. But it was none of his business and she didn’t need to try to earn his approval anymore.

Juniper pressed her fingertips to her temple, copying the gesture described in the book. Would she be able to show him certain thoughts? Or was it the luck of the draw? And what would it be like to see the world through a Vulcan’s mind? Maybe she might learn a thing or two after sharing a mind.

Juniper stayed up late reading the rest of To Meld a Mind. It was predictable but that didn’t mean it wasn’t enjoyable. The writing was flowery but compared to the books she had access to on Volan II it was Shakespeare. Did it also make her slip her hand into her sweatpants? Perhaps.

She bounced into Lab Three that night with a smile on her face. Her hand hadn’t been as good as Sevik’s but an orgasm was an orgasm. There was coffee and a bowl of yogurt with strange fruit piled on it. They were small round balls with little green dots peppering their flesh.

“Ooo what’s this?” she asked, prodding the fruit with her finger.

“Tono’pak berries,” he said. “They’re native to Vulcan.”

She popped one into her mouth. It had a spiced sweet taste to it, as if it was full of cinnamon.

“They’re good!”

“There is no need to be surprised,” Sevik said. “I have studied what foods you have liked and disliked over the last few weeks and the berries fell well within the taste profile you prefer.”

“Do you have a spreadsheet on me?”

“Of course,” he said.

“That’s… kinda sweet and only a little creepy,” she said. She grabbed her food and went to his station, setting her coffee mug on his desk. “Oh, speaking of which, your proposal—”

“You find my proposal creepy?” he asked, picking up her mug and setting it back into her hand. She placed it on the empty work bench behind her.

“No, it’s just the whole arrangement is also kinda sweet, kinda weird and hard to explain,” she said. Despite having very little to go off of Juniper was optimistic about a meld mind. Sevik had been honest when he’d skimmed her mind before and he had yet to use any of that information against her. It seemed that during sex, especially during the pon farr, melding minds was exclusively for intimacy not blackmail. “But I have given your addendum some thought and I agree to it.”

“I will add it to our agreement.” Sevik sat up straighter, tapping at his PADD.

“You wrote all of that down?” Juniper asked, putting her breakfast on his desk and walking around it to peer over his shoulder.

“Of course. How else are we to refer back to it?”

“I thought it was a verbal agreement since it’s all private.”

“It is not a public document,” he said.

“Right. That makes sense.”

He scrolled to the bottom to input the new section and saw that her request from the mess hall had been added at the end of the contract. No one could say Sevik was not thorough.

Juniper finished her breakfast and returned to her corner of the lab. Her little jungle of steel beams was growing and becoming more and more complicated. Her plans included multiple hatches that could be opened to access the plants but she had not considered what installing them all would be like.

She was exhausted after just one of them but she pushed through to try to get every hatch done right then and there.

She had one large door at the front of the containment area that could be opened straight up with the help of a hydraulic but the system she put in was malfunctioning (nevermind that it worked just fine before she installed it). Every time it pulled the door open it simply slammed back down again. Normally it wouldn't be too much of a problem but it did not swing open like a regular door but up like the hood over an engine. It was to save space but now it was becoming a major pain in her ass. After hours of fiddling with it she managed to open it and it was holding. She stood outside the containment area, staring at the hydraulic for a good fifteen minutes waiting for it to fail only it never did.

“Finally,” she whispered. She crossed under the open door and began to pick up the tools she left scattered on the floor when she heard the familiar hiss of the hydraulic failing.

She had enough time to stand up before the door’s frame caught her in the middle of her back and knocked her straight to the floor. She barely caught herself, landing on her hands and knees. The pain reverberated through her spine, spilling down her ribs.

The ground was cold beneath her. Her back throbbed. Her hair fell into her face and she was too scared to move it out of the way. Had the Cardassians truly left or would they be back for her? Her arms shook from the effort it took to keep her from falling face first into the ground. Phantom pain seared her wrists. A sickening feeling pulled at her stomach: the reality that she was alone and no one was coming to her rescue.

“Dart?”

She blinked and she remembered she was not on Volan II but on Voyager. Slowly she sat back on her boots but there was little she could do to hide the tears that had already fallen.

“Sorry. That was careless,” she said. She swiped at her cheek, the action sending pain through her shoulder.

“Would you like to go to sickbay?” Sevik kneeled beside her, his voice surprisingly soft.

Juniper shook her head, sniffling as more tears welled up in her throat.

“I’m sorry. I’m having a human moment,” she said.

“I am the only one here,” he reminded her.

“You don’t mind?” she asked, running her sleeve under her nose. “It won’t be a distraction?”

“Crewman Dart, you are a constant distraction, but I do not mind.”

“That was… almost nice,” she laughed. “I think you’re starting to like me, Sevik.”

“Illogical.” His voice was harsh but there was a softness to his face that hinted that he might actually break into a smile but he never did. He sat on the floor beside her as she caught her breath. He didn’t say anything but he didn’t need to, simply being beside her was enough. After a long couple of minutes she finally spoke.

“Thank you,” she said, wiping away the stray tear still clinging to her chin. Sevik cleared his throat.

“Now is a good time to go over the safety precautions when dealing with construction and hydraulics. They can be found in your Starfleet handbook.”

Juniper walked the length of the containment area lazily setting up the pump line for the watering system. Sevik had gotten her a large plate of pancakes and the last thing she wanted to do was crawl around on the floor.

Sevik’s comm badge crackled to life and while Juniper couldn’t make out the conversation that didn’t stop her from trying to eavesdrop. When it was over he stood from his station and gave her a look.

“A specimen has been brought aboard by the away team,” Sevik said.

“I can get it for you,” Juniper said, stepping out of the greenhouse.

“It is my responsibility,” he said, holding out a hand to stop her advance. “I will return soon.”

Sevik stepped out and Juniper took the opportunity to have a break. She went to her bench and threw her feet up on the desk, reading the latest novel on her PADD.

As there had been some anonymous holo novels programmed into the deck, there were also novels passed through the PADDs. It seemed that whenever someone had sent her To Meld a Mind she had been placed on the secret list and now every couple of weeks a new novel dropped in her inbox. They ranged wildly in subject and they were clearly all by different authors but they were endlessly interesting. The one she had today was a mystery aboard a pleasure cruise stuck in Klingon space and Juniper was certain the main character was going to get into the Klingon warrior’s pants soon.

“Dart!” Jax called from the doorway. He looked around the lab and after finding it empty of Vulcans asked, “Can I come in real quick?”

“Of course,” Juniper tossed her PADD into a drawer and slammed it shut.

“I never got to see your project. It’s coming along so well,” he said with a toothy smile.

“Come here, let me show you the pumps.”

Juniper brought Jax over and hauled open the floor panels to show off the holding tanks she’d installed.

“I still have to lay the rest of the tubing but once it’s working it’s going to be gorgeous,” she said.

“This is amazing,” he said, kneeling down to inspect the pump.

“Thanks, Jax.”

“You can call me Darien,” he said. “Uh, that’s only if you want to.”

Honestly, Juniper thought Jax was his whole name. It wasn’t uncommon outside of Earth to have only one name and she was surprised to hear another one in connection to the young man in front of her.

“Sure. Darien.” It felt weird on her tongue, but it made him smile.

“We’re JD and DJ,” Jax pointed out. He stood up and placed a hand on her forearm.

“Yeah that’s… cute,” she said, unsure of what else to say. He was a nice kid and she’d probably be a bit weird if she spent most of her early twenties lost in space but she was having to resist the urge to shake his fingers off her sleeve.

The door to the lab slid open and Sevik entered. He was holding a small glass cube with a pretty purple flower sprouting out of the top of it. He stopped as soon as he saw Jax.

“Crewman Jax you do not have clearance, permission, or authority to be in this lab.”

“Sorry about that, Ensign,” Jax began, slipping into the casual tone that they all used on Wallace down in Engineering.

“You have already been informed of this,” Sevik said. His voice was cold, but his eyes were ablaze.

“I know, but I wanted to see—”

“Get out.”

Jax looked to Juniper for help, but she was too stunned to offer any. Sevik was protective of his lab, yes, but this was different.

“That was an order, Crewman,” Sevik announced. There was a small noise, like hail against a window pane. In Sevik’s hands the glass cube holding his plant began to splinter.

“Come on, Jax,” Juniper said, herding the young man towards the door. This was no regular picky Vulcan scientist moment and she wasn’t about to treat it as such. Sevik didn’t move from his place in the doorway, forcing them to move around him while his eyes were firmly trained on Jax.

Juniper had gotten Jax halfway out of the door when he turned, taking one of her hands in his.

“Dart—”

The glass in Sevik’s hands shattered, sending soil and tiny shards all over the floor. The plant laid at his feet, wilted and battered from its fall.

Juniper gave Jax a solid shove into the hallway before ducking inside the lab and letting the door shut behind her.

“Sevik!” Green blood welled up in pinpricks on his fingers. “You need to go to sickbay.”

He looked down at his hands, slowly taking in the blood dripping down his hands.

“Sevik, you’re bleeding!” Juniper insisted. Sevik calmly moved back to his desk, but Juniper followed, close at his heels.

At his desk, Sevik pulled the magnifying glass he often used to observe his specimens over to observe his own hands. He began to pull out glass splinters with his fingers, making a neat pile on his desk with the shards he pulled out. She watched him, her breath frozen in her lungs, as each new shard clinked against the pile.

“Sevik?”

He pulled the last large chunk of glass from his palm and didn’t even flinch. His cheeks were flushed, his brow creased in frustration.

“Damn it, Sevik, talk to me,” Juniper said, panic rising in her throat. Finally, he looked up at her, his eyes so dark she couldn’t tell where his pupil ended and his iris started.

“You’re trembling,” he said. He was right, she was shaking, her hands tapping against his workstation without her notice. She snatched her hands behind her back but that did little to stop their tremor.

“Because I’m worried about you!”

“I apologize. I reacted strongly.”

“You broke a plate glass vase,” Juniper said. “I know you don’t like Jax being in here, but that’s a bit extreme.”

Sevik’s lip twitched and he quickly turned away. A lump formed in her throat. Something was wrong and she didn’t know what to do.

Juniper touched his chin, gently tugging his face towards her. He obeyed, turning to meet her gaze. His skin was hot under her fingers, near feverish for a human.

“What’s wrong?” She looked into his eyes, hoping to find her answer. His dark eyes slid down to her lips before his eyelids fluttered closed and that crease returned between his brow. She wanted to smooth it out with her fingers.

“I have never felt like this before,” he said, struggling to keep his voice even. He sounded pained, as if struggling to even breathe.

Juniper let her thumb caress his cheekbone.

“You’re sick, you need to go to sickbay.”

He raised a bloody hand to hers, pressing her hand firmly against his cheek. His chest heaved with heavy breaths and when he opened his eyes electricity crackled down her spine from his gaze alone.

Suddenly, it clicked. Juniper wanted to kick herself for not noticing sooner. His fingers brushed over hers and a warmth flooded her chest.

“Is it…”

“Yes,” he answered without hearing the question.

Juniper bit her bottom lip. She knew what had to happen but was unsure how to get to that step. They couldn’t fuck in the floor of Lab Three, not with Sevik’s hands in their current state but the man was reluctant. Her mind was running a mile a minute and while the most logical course of action was to call for help she brushed it away. The most reliable and understanding help for this situation would be Tuvok and she certainly didn’t want him here, it would only prove that he was right and she was unprepared.

She swallowed hard.

“How much time do you have left?” she asked softly.

“Little.” He grunted. “It’s consumed me so quickly, I can hardly remember when it began.”

She could see the sweat on his brow and felt the tension in his muscles. With her free hand she pushed his dark hair back from his face. He melted into the touch, his arms looping around her waist to tug her closer to his stool. He pressed his face into the bend of her neck, his breath hot against her skin. He held onto her as if anchoring himself to this dimension.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said, running her fingers through his hair. His hold on her waist grew tighter. “It’s okay.”

The lab door hissed opened. They both jumped. Sevik rose from his stool, tucking her head under his chin and fully encasing her in an embrace, as if afraid someone might take her from him.

In the entryway stood Tuvok flanked by two security personnel, with Jax peering in behind them. Everyone but Jax had a phaser pulled and Tuvok’s was held at his hip, the muzzle directed at them.

“Ensign. It’s time for you to report to sickbay.”

Chapter Text

Sevik fidgeted on the exam table, a sensor hugging the skin below his ear. His hands were fixed quickly but he kept scratching at his palms where the dermal regenerator had been used.

The Doctor pulled Juniper into his office as he loaded up a hypospray.

“Your leave has been put in for a week and a half. Your bio codes have been registered in your temporary quarters: Deck Nine, Cabin 8-1A,” the Doctor rattled off before pressing the hypospray to her neck without warning. The pinch made her jump. “Ensign Sevik has been temporarily restricted in his permissions aboard Voyager and will not be able to use any security codes, for your safety of course”

“Of course,” she echoed.

“Lieutenant Tuvok has also expressed that at any time during this, uh, sensitive time if you need to bow out a holodeck program has been arranged to replace you.”

“Noted.”

“Do you have any questions?” The Doctor asked.

“No, thanks.”

He pressed another hypospray to her throat and when it pinched she slapped the device out of his hand.

“Can you give me a fucking warning?” she snapped.

“Would you also like a mood stabilizer?” he asked.

She glared at him.

“Is that a no?”

“It’s a no.”

“Just checking.”

The Doctor left the office to administer a few hyposprays to Sevik. It was her understanding that he had enough tranquilizer in him to take down a horse but he was still kicking. Vulcans were something else.

She barely heard Tuvok enter the office behind her but once she felt his presence she wished she was anywhere else. He stood beside her, watching Sevik groggily interact with the Doctor. He’d clutched her hand all the way to the medbay, only letting go with the Doctor had hit the trigger on the third hypospray. She should be beside him now.

“That was Grade B glass, reinforced to withstand zero gravity cargo hulls and rough handling.” Tuvok’s voice was as smooth as ever, emotionless and plain. A model Vulcan.

“What was?”

“The vase Ensign Sevik broke.”

“Are you trying to scare me again, Lieutenant?”

“Fear is illogical, but it is important for certain species. Without it, humans could not have survived as long as they have.”

Juniper supposed some might find Sevik scary. Grade B glass is nothing to sniff at and to crush it in his bare hands was quite the feat. But it had not been a threat, it was a reaction. Just moments afterwards he’d held her in his arms without crushing her bones. She’d spent months with Sevik and he had never tried to use his greater strength against her, not even when she’d slapped him.

“I find very little about Ensign Sevik to be afraid of.” Juniper shifted to look at Tuvok. He held a similar posture she had seen Sevik settle into, spine straight with hands locked behind his back. Despite the vow to remain emotionless the angle of Tuvok’s brow made him always appear disapproving. “You on the other hand, I find worrisome.”

“You find fault in my control?”

“Never, sir. I question your judgment of others.”

“You do not approve of my evaluation of Ensign Sevik but your human opinion does not change his records from the Science Academy, nor his past behavior.”

“You must have me confused for someone who cares about records and regulations.”

“You may not put much stock into them, but it can say a lot about a person’s temperament.”

“So does getting to know them.”

Tuvok was silent for a long moment.

“Keep your phaser on you, Crewman. That’s an order.”

He left the office and walked straight out of the medbay without a word to the Doctor, or his countryman. The phaser on her hip felt heavy and she pulled it from its holster to look at it. The most recent models of phasers were toothless hunks of metal and plastic that looked more like a device’s remote than a weapon. Her phaser on the Val Jean had been old and prone to misfiring but the device in her hands now was in peak status. It was set to stun but even that made her nervous. She tapped the control panel, shutting the entire weapon off before gently placing it on the Doctor’s desk. She then turned and left without it.

Juniper walked alone through the quarter corridors towards her room. She was nervous knowing Sevik was alone but the Doctor had reassured her that the tranquilizers would keep the worst of the symptoms at bay until she could arrive. Their purpose was to buy time after all, there was no stopping the fever.

Juniper hadn’t exactly prepared to be gone for a week when she started her shift and she felt ill prepared.

She entered her cabin and nearly forgot the time of night. Her shift was close to ending but the day shift had yet to wake up. Juniper tiptoed to the closet, mindful of the three sleeping women in the room with her. She grabbed a bag from the floor and began shoving an extra change of pajamas and underclothes into it. What did a human need for a pon farr? It felt silly packing clothes when the itinerary didn’t exactly have a lot of scheduled clothed time. A shiver ran up her spine at the thought and she couldn’t tell if it was excitement or nerves.

She started to take her father’s jacket but left it. She would be coming back, she wasn’t leaving forever.

She hooked a foot on the bunk and pushed herself up just enough to grab her PADD from her blankets. Maybe there’d be some time to fill. Should she bring a board game? Would they even want to do anything else? Is the fever more of an illness than she thought? She hadn’t expected him to be sweaty and jittery. Maybe she should grab ginger ale from the mess hall? Could Vulcans drink ginger ale? God, they really needed a manual on this.

“Juni?” Vavi asked, half asleep, breaking her runaway train of thought. Vavi’s auburn hair stuck up in every direction and her earring’s chain was tangled with itself.

“Sorry,” Juniper whispered. She kneeled beside Vavi’s bunk. “Got off my shift early, didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Whatever,” Vavi said sleepily, shoving her face back into the pillow.

Juniper gripped the strap of her bag where it sat on her shoulder. She should tell Vavi where she was going, especially with how long she’d be gone. But if she told her now she might try to stop it. Things weren’t… neutral with Vavi. It was either something she threw her whole self behind to support or used all of herself to stop. Juniper could guess without asking what side of things Vavi would be on with the pon farr business. Not to mention all the vows of secrecy she had taken to protect Sevik but also all Vulcans. You don’t have a species wide secret if everyone is blabbing to their friends.

“I’ll tell you later,” Juniper whispered. She took her bag and left.

Cabin 8-1A was nice. The front section had a desk and computer terminal, as well as a small replicator unit. A half wall split the room topped with a metal lattice that reached up to the ceiling. On the other side of the partition was a double bed in standard Starfleet bedding, the door to a closet, and the door to the bathroom.

A small window was set in the wall above the bed and her heart swelled at the sight of the stars. Juniper had slept under a window every night on Volan II and she hadn’t realized how much her closed off quarters were affecting her.

Sevik sat at the foot of the bed, his legs folded beneath him and eyes closed. Juniper watched him but he didn’t speak. He looked as if he was meditating, his eyes closed and his face posed in an intense expression of concentration. She didn’t want to disturb him. She tapped her fingers on the strap of her bag, unsure what to do next when her eyes fell on the private bathroom. She’d been sharing one with Taan, Rordin, and Vavi and while they were okay as roommates go, it was nice to have it to herself for a time.

She looked nervously over at Sevik before deciding that it would do them both some good to have some prep time. She went to the bathroom and immediately shed her uniform. She kicked the thick fabric away under the sink and stepped into the sonic shower, basking under an extra long cycle.

She enjoyed the warmth in the unit but her stomach was a constant circus of cartwheels. Why was she so nervous? She already fucked Sevik once, this wouldn’t be any different, just longer. Maybe that was the issue. Juniper was usually a one and done kind of gal. Single nights in the room above the bar, or a couple hours in a cargo pilot’s hold. Maybe two nights if she liked someone and it usually wasn’t in a row. Juniper frowned. Was her longest relationship (if you could even call it that) with Ra’kin?

She stepped out of the shower unit and pulled on the set of pajamas she had packed before tossing her bag into a storage locker set in the wall.

Juniper looked at the woman in the mirror. Her hair was far longer than Juniper Dart ever cared to keep it, her face rounder from three meals a day and plenty of sleep. The Starfleet Dart didn’t look too bad but she couldn’t help but feel it was someone else. That she couldn’t be living the past almost four years on Voyager. Juniper slipped her fingers into her hair, brushing it back from her face. She looked older but she didn’t feel any wiser. She felt just as nervous as she had that first time in the parts shed on Volan II.

She stepped into the main room to see Sevik still meditating, his fingers steepled in front of him. She stood awkwardly by the bathroom door before approaching the bed. His eyes were closed, his forehead creased with concentration. It wasn’t exactly how she expected this to go, but she didn’t have much to go on. Her only research was a smutty novel that had begun with dramatic declarations and the ripping of white linen to expose heaving breasts.

Then again she wasn’t the one with an insatiable need to mate. She’d let him deal with that however he preferred.

Juniper laid out on the bed behind him, stretching across the pillows and staring at his back. It felt oddly domestic, more so than when she’d woken up in his arms. She was waiting to help him, to ease a pain she didn’t truly understand.

Her father had told her stories of her mother, trying to build a relationship with a woman Juniper had never known. He’d told her the fun things, like the jokes she’d play on him and how she kept her brown hair long and loose even when the wind threatened to tangle it into a matted mess. He’d also told her she’d been sick long before Juniper was conceived. That he spent many nights holding that long hair back from her face as she threw up what little she had managed to choke down for dinner. That he’d never known the pain that riddled her body, but he tried to ease it the best he could.

Juniper wondered if he would approve of what she was about to do.

She listened to Sevik’s steady breathing. He seemed to hold a lungful of air for an impossible amount of time before releasing it. Juniper stuffed a pillow under her head and closed her eyes, listening to his slow steady breaths. It wasn’t long before she drifted off.

She wobbled on the top of a stool, clutching the edge of the bar to keep balance. Pain bloomed in her right earlobe where she’d let Vavi pierce a stud through.

“We have to do the left one now,” Vavi said with a giggle.

Juniper waved off the girl and the device in her hand, instead flagging down the bartender to order another drink. Vavi had paid the vendor double to be the one who pressed the button and Juniper was positive she’d done it wrong.

“I didn’t do that bad of a job!” Vavi complained. Juniper looked up at her only to see two faces staring back at her. She blinked and the entire room seemed to shift, like the light was flickering but Juniper was the only one who saw it.

“I have to lay down,” Juniper said, pushing off the stool and stumbling through the dim bar towards the door. She touched her ear and her fingers came back sticky with blood.

She reached the door to the rest of the rundown Delta-6 station only when the doors swished open it was not a corridor waiting for her. Instead bright light spilled into the room, hot air wrapped around her skin and red sand blew in, piling up to her ankles on the floor.

She tried to shield her eyes, peering through her fingers at the scene. She blinked, adjusting her eyes before looking back at the bar. No one seemed to notice the corridor in the middle of space being replaced by a desert.

She took a shaky step into the sand and then another. She started through the sand when her foot became lodged in the thick crimson ground. Juniper pulled against it but there seemed to be something, under the sand, holding her in place. She reached a hand into the ground to try to free herself only for something to grab her hand. She yelped, falling to her knees in the sand as something pulled her further into the hot ground. She struggled, only for the sand to grab at her, pulling on her arms and hips, dragging her slowly into the hot embrace of the sand. It crawled over her, touching every inch of her body and slipping under her clothes. It burned not her skin but her insides. Heat seemed to flow through her, clawing at her throat and making her mind melt into a single desire.

“Dart.”

Juniper woke with a gasp. The room was dim and it took a second to realize she was not in her own bunk but the room on Deck Nine.

Sevik loomed over her, sweat collecting on his forehead. She could feel the heat rolling off his skin. He opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out.

Juniper blinked the sleep from her eyes and after adjusting to the dimness of the room she could see more clearly, his eyes directed down and his skin flushed.

“Sevik, are you okay?”

“Juniper.” His voice was low and trembling. “I need…”

She reached out for him but his hand caught hers, his touch gentle while his skin was hot enough to burn. He moaned as his fingers rubbed against her own; a warmth tickled at the back of her mind.

“Is that you?” she asked, trying to focus on the sensation in her head but also keenly aware of the sweaty Vulcan that was practically on top of her.

His fingers tightened around her own, his face falling to the junction of her neck and shoulder. His mouth was hot, his tongue dragging stripes across her skin. The sensation rocked her entire body, sending tendrils of electricity down to the tips of her fingers.

His mouth found hers and she was lost in the sudden urgency and passion of a man who was normally so resigned. She knew the fever put a strain on control but she didn’t quite expect this.

Sevik looped his free arm around her waist, arching her back off the bed and against his own body. He managed to hold her easily, not even bothered by her weight as his focus seemed to be on kissing her until she passed out.

They broke away long enough for Juniper to gasp for air before his lips were on hers again. Slowly, he lowered her back down, pressing her into the mattress with his body, his fingers tightening around hers. She felt between the heat of both of their bodies they might melt together and no one would be able to tell where one of them stopped and the other began.

“Juniper,” he moaned, pressing sloppy kisses across her jaw before finding her neck again. He tugged at the collar of her shirt, exposing more of her collarbone to lavish kisses with.

“Holy shit,” she said, trying to collect herself underneath him. Her clothes were in the way, her mind already running away with what she wanted to do.

His fingers dropped her hand to instead caress her cheek.

“Juniper.” His hand dropped to her chin, holding her face softly but the look he gave her sent liquid heat running through her veins. He stared down at her with an unrestrained hunger. Her cheeks burned but his hand kept her from hiding the blush. “Share your mind with me.”

She met his gaze, nodding slowly. His hand skimmed her cheekbone to press his fingertips against her temple. She stared up at the dark eyes and wondered where his pupils ended and his irises started.

It began as a tingle at the back of her head. That gave way to a warm pressure that kept growing and growing until their thoughts crashed together with enough force to knock the air from her lungs.

His mind was hot and thick, heavy with thoughts of desire that seemed to consume everything else.

She could only sit in slack jawed awe as Sevik’s thoughts weaved through her own, their consciousnesses colliding.

He was thinking of her. Her body and how it fit against his while tangled together in his bunk, but also the face she made as she shoved a piece of waffle in her mouth. The concentrated expression on her face as she fiddled with a pump. Her knowing smile when she’d broken a rule. He was thinking back on all of them with fondness and affection. The thoughts spilled into her mind so suddenly she had no idea what to do with them, but she knew she was eager for more. He gave into her willingly, letting her rifle through his memory like a filing cabinet.

The warmth of her finger tracing the outline of his scar. The faint impression of her pleasure he felt through their touch in his cabin. The prideful look she wore as she presented her plans for Lab Three.

That’s when she realized he was kissing her. His mouth was warm and eager and his teeth nibbled at her bottom lip. An emotion pressed into her mind, it was not her own but his. He was sending an impression straight into her mind, completely skipping speaking.

Satisfaction. Desire. Pleasure. They filled her head and they were not supposed to be how she felt, but how he felt about her. The heat burning him from the inside out was sated by the caress of her mind and touch of her skin.

“Oh my god,” she mumbled against his lips.

His other hand brushed her hair back from her face, tucking it behind her ear. She felt the caress of his hand against her skin but also the sensation of her hair slipping through his fingers.

Every sensation and touch left her breathless.

They explored one another’s minds for what could have been minutes or hours. She tried to show him memories like he had done for her. The hazy memory of him dressed in his red robes and the flush of desire that had taken over. The crease that formed between his eyebrows when he was truly concentrated. His hands as he held the cable that lifted the greenhouse frame into place. The lower timbre of his moan as she sucked on his fingers.

His body bucked against hers, pressing her into the sheets. His knee pressed between her thighs and she didn’t realize she was grinding against it until she felt it through his nerve endings. She stopped, embarrassed.

“Keep going.” His voice was husky and she could feel the sentiment of his words echo in his mind, like plucking the thought up as he was thinking it. “I need to feel your pleasure.”

She started back up again. The fabric of her pajamas was thin, but Sevik was still in his duty uniform and every time she reached for him she was met with thick unyielding fabric. He felt her frustrations and pulled back, struggling to remove the garment without disconnecting their minds.

“It’s okay,” she smiled. “My mind isn’t going to walk away.”

She felt his hesitation—he enjoyed their minds being joined and severing that bond for even a moment would be torture considering his current state. She also felt another desire in his mind but he was thinking of a Vulcan word and she did not understand its meaning. However, he eventually gave in. His hand dropped from her face and suddenly she was alone with her own thoughts and it was oddly quiet. Two minds were an overload of sensation but she was shocked by how quickly she missed it.

As Sevik tore off his uniform she removed her own clothes, tossing them to the floor. As soon as every scrap of fabric had been taken off he joined her again, one arm wrapped around her waist and the other joining their minds through a meld.

It was like slipping into a hot spring. Immediately she relaxed, soaking in the pleasure of hearing his thoughts alongside her own.

It pleases me to please you. It was Sevik’s voice but in her mind, thinking into her mind. How strange and yet how endlessly fascinating. He started to press kisses to the side of her neck. His free hand pressed between her thighs, sliding through her folds and circling her clit.

It was too much, his kisses, his touch, his thoughts—they consumed every part of her and yet she didn’t want it to stop. She could feel his desire flair in his gut, his cock throbbing between his legs as he watched her lips part as his hand brought her closer and closer to the edge. She felt not only her own pleasure, but the pleasure he earned by watching her.

So expressive he thought, watching her face contort as he fingered her. With his mind in her head she could hardly tell how much time had passed. Had he been touching for seconds or minutes? Was his kiss lasting hours? Juniper pressed a hand over her face, her blush burning across her face. Do not hide.

Reluctantly she pulled her hand below her chin and she felt the heat in him flair again. He wanted her with an intensity his own mind could not handle. It spilled into hers, pushing her over the edge. She gasped as she came onto his hand, his pleasure nearly as strong as her own.

He brought his hand to his mouth and dragged his tongue along his fingers. Her heart skipped a beat. Before she could even fully form the question he was answering her.

“Spiced and sweet. Like the tono’pak berry.”

She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a kiss. This one was breathless and desperate. He broke away to press hot kisses to the side of her neck, burying his face into her hair.

She could feel the tightness in his belly, and the aching hardness in his cock. It made her own body twitch with want, her thighs spreading wider to accommodate him and ease the pain that consumed them.

There was no need to speak, the second a want was thought the other could immediately sate it. She didn’t have to ask him for anything, he already knew what she wanted.

He thrusted into her and she nearly blacked out. Juniper Dart had fucked many people in her life, but she’d never been joined mentally while it happened. She felt her own passion: the friction of Sevik inside of her and the pleasant fullness he brought as he pressed slowly into her until their hips met. But she also felt Sevik’s pleasure: cool skin against his burning flesh, the relief of finally being sheathed in her warm, tight body. It was a feedback loop of sensation that stole her breath away. She felt every detail as he rocked into her: her body stretching around his cock, the tightness as he pushed into her. She could even feel the groan that reverberated through his chest as he pressed into her again.

He set a grueling pace but she was so inundated with sensations she didn’t mind. She was breathless from the amount of information flowing through her mind. It was so much more than sex. It went deeper than Juniper knew interactions between two people could go.

Her fingernails bit into his shoulders and she could feel the bloom of pride he felt as she rolled her hips to meet his. She was close to coming but she didn’t want the parade of sensation to end. She wanted to feel everything forever, but nothing can last that long.

She cried out, her body clenching around him as her orgasm swept through her. He fucked her through it, the pleasure building up inside of him until his hips stuttered and he came inside of her.

It felt different from her own orgasm but she enjoyed the thoughts he had following it: Pleasure. Relief. Gratitude. He was thinking of her body. He liked the shape her lips formed when she moaned his name. A wave of possessiveness crashed into her mind.

“My Juniper,” he mumbled.

Juniper smiled. She expected him to slide off of her into the sheets but he stayed where he was, still inside of her. She was about to say something when the sensation touched her mind: the heat of the fever, the call of pon farr. It didn’t stop after one joining, it would continue for days.

Wrapped in Sevik’s arms and mind she couldn’t decide if she was frightened or excited by the prospect.

She collapsed into the sheets, exhausted and thirsty. She began to roll out of the bed only for Sevik’s arm to clamp around her waist. His hand went to her temple and the same possessive thoughts filled her mind, reminding her that he was hers and he wouldn’t let anything separate them. Content with being wrapped together, he grunted approval.

She could feel the exhaustion pulling at his mind and she only had to wait a few moments before his fingers fell from her face. It was as if someone ripped headphones from her ears, cutting off loud blasting music and leaving her off balance. It was quiet in her mind. Her own thoughts, which at times felt so loud, were nothing by themselves.

She waited a few minutes, lounging in his embrace, until she heard him begin to snore.

Carefully, Juniper slipped from his arms and stood up for the first time in hours. She stretched out her back and heard a couple of joints pop in the process. She glanced at the clock on the desk in the corner and found they’d been in bed for over twenty-four hours. No wonder she felt like shit.

She tip-toed to the bathroom and clicked the lock on the door out of habit.

She understood all the hypos the Doctor had given her and the warnings Tuvok had issued. Assisting a Vulcan through pon farr was not for the faint of heart. She looked into the mirror and found her skin covered in bruises. Her neck was coated in hickies and teeth marks and her hips were a marbling of purple and blue. It was shocking. She knew she was sore but looking at herself in the mirror she couldn’t tell if it was from having too much fun or the complete opposite.

Juniper drank a glass of water from the sink and stood in the sonic shower for a deep cleaning cycle. She closed her eyes as the machine hummed around her.

A full day. How had they managed to keep going for a full day? Her first thought was that they must make the ladies a lot sturdier on Vulcan. The second was that the warping of time when melding minds was what had her on her feet. She was sure if she had not been locked with Sevik’s mind she’d be curled into a ball on the floor from the exertion.

Sevik wasn’t completely lost, she could feel it in his mind, but it was a struggle against instinct. Like telling a human not to be scared when stared down by a tiger, it was difficult to tell a Vulcan not to mate during pon farr.

She understood why Vulcans kept it a secret. A people completely dedicated to behaving rationally having this animalistic need that did not listen to logic did not help their image. She wondered, when they were first stranded in the Delta Quadrant, if Sevik had been scared. If she had to feel this every seven years it would always be at the back of her mind.

She heard a small crash from the main room and peeked out of the shower stall just in time to see the bathroom door rip open, the locking mechanism hanging broken and useless from the end.

Sevik stood in the doorway, his face full of concern. Once he saw her it melted away and he immediately slipped into the shower with her, his arms embracing her once more. He took her into his arms as if she belonged there. Juniper managed to hit the start button on another cycle. If he was going to join her he was going to get clean too.

“T’hyla,” he said, peppering her face with kisses. She didn’t understand the Vulcan but the reverence with which he whispered it made her grin.

“What does it mean?” she asked, kissing the scar on his upper lip.

“T’hyla means T’hyla,” he said, pressing a kiss to the skin right below her ear. It was as if he was drunk off touch alone and she couldn’t hold back her giggle.

“T’hyla,” she said, trying to copy his pronunciation.

He moaned, his hips pressing into hers and she didn’t need a mental link between them to know he liked that.

“T’hyla,” she repeated louder.

Juniper spun around, bracing herself against the shower wall. His hands went to her hips, his cock hard against her ass and his mouth on her neck. His hand crept up her cheekbone, finding her psi points. There was a brief moment when the world was just her own want and the warmth of the shower unit and then their mind crashed into one another and she could see beyond herself.

She could see through his eyes, at the scars covering her back. They were healed over but thick and twisted. Her breath hitched.

“You are hurt?” Sevik stopped moving, his desire on the back burner for once.

“No, no I’m fine,” she said, swallowing back the emotion.

Sevik leaned closer, wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing his chin against her shoulder.

“I feel your thoughts, T’hyla. Show me your pain,” he said quietly, pressing a kiss to the skin of her shoulder. “I will carry it for you.”

No one had ever offered such a thing to her before. She knew Sevik had a vague impression of her scars and of her time on Volan II, he had said as much had transferred when she had slapped him. If that much could occur in a single touch of skin, she’d spill all her secrets by the end of the week.

But why was this a secret? Why was she keeping it locked inside of her chest so no one else could see? Why not let Sevik hold the burden of it, even if for just a moment?

Juniper pressed her fingers to where Sevik’s met her temple, as if the touch might strengthen their connection. She closed her eyes and let the memory peel out of the deepest part of her mind.

She could taste the smoke in the air, feel the panic hum of her heart in her throat. The radio receiver was in her hand and no matter how many times she yelled into it no one would answer. She watched the green ship shaped blurs on the radar blink in and out of range. One starship stood right at the border of her radio single. She knew that the Federation vessel could hear her and instead they ignored call after call.

The door flew open and a Cardassian shot the receiver from her hand. It hit the floor in a twisted clump of melted materials. She sprung from the communications seat, running for the door only for a soldier to catch her hair and knock her to the floor.

She clawed at his hands, trying desperately to remember what the Cardassian word for “please” was. She couldn’t think of it, or they simply didn’t have one.

She let the memory play out. The bite of the metal cuffs into her wrists, the ache in her shoulders as she was hung in the mud and the fierce pain of each whip of the gul’s weapon.

Her memory began to fade as she slumped into the mud. That’s when she realized she was on the floor of the bathroom. Sevik was sitting with her, having kept their connection the entire time. He was wrapped around her, an arm placed possessively around her shoulders. She touched her face and found tears drying on her cheeks.

“No one will hurt you again,” he said, as if it was as easy as that to keep someone from suffering. She pressed into his embrace and found that she wanted to believe him. He touched her chin, urging her to look over her shoulder and meet his gaze. “That is a vow.”

His hand dropped from her temple to hold her closer and she was alone again with her thoughts. Sevik was hyped on Vulcan hormones that she could only begin to understand but for him to promise something so permanent… it made her heart flutter.

She pressed her cheek against his chest, running her hands over his collarbone. His skin was still hot but she liked the feeling of it against her body. Sevik was kissing her neck, mumbling in full on Vulcan. She heard the word again: T’hyla.

“In English, Sevik, what is T’hyla?” she asked, tapping his collarbone with her finger. He looked at her, confusion briefly covering his face.

“You are T’hyla,” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She could see his eyes still clouded with fever. Maybe now wasn’t the time for language lessons. She tucked that question away for later. Sevik kissed her, his lips lingering on hers for a long moment before he reiterated. “You are mine.”

Chapter Text

To say it was tiring to keep up with a Vulcan in the peak of plak tow would be an understatement. Juniper thought of herself as having a rather large sexual appetitie despite her recent drought, but after a day and a half she was reconsidering that evaluation.

Every moment of the day and night Sevik wanted to be with her. Their hands interwoven, his arm around her waist, their minds connected—anything. And when the smaller touches didn’t satisfy they escalated.

Juniper tried to keep count of how many times she’d come but had lost count in the middle of the first night. It truly felt like they were having seven years of sex in one week. She tried to change it up to keep it from being the same old thing but Sevik didn’t seem to mind what position they were in, as long as they were together.

It was the third day when she finally tried to tap out.

“I need a second, Sevik,” she said, sitting up on her knees and trying to find the clock to see what time it was. Sevik, of course, was in the way, his hands pulling her towards him and his mouth laying kisses up and down her throat. It felt good but she was over-stimulated and too exhausted to think of another round at the moment. She’d barely gotten any sleep the night before either and was stealing naps between fever peaks. She tapped his shoulder, reminding him of her words. “Sevik.”

“I’m sorry,” he said against her collarbone. “At times it feels like I must taste you or the universe will collapse.”

“That doesn’t sound very logical.”

“But it feels that way,” he said, pressing her back into the sheets. “It feels if I do not touch you, you will disappear.”

His mouth covered hers and she lost herself in the sensation of his tongue against hers. His hand was on her temple and in a split second their minds had melted together. She lingered in the mixture of thoughts and sensation before Sevik broke the kiss and stared down at her intently.

“It seems I overestimated human abilities.”

“Like I said, humans need breaks.”

Sevik reluctantly pulled away, sitting back on his heels while Juniper slipped out of bed and stretched the aches from her shoulders. With their minds no longer connected Juniper could take in the rest of the room. It was quiet but for the hum of the warp core deep in the ship. Their clothes were still on the floor and a few pillows had joined them. Juniper grabbed one and threw it onto the bed.

It was cold without Sevik wrapped around her and she went to the bathroom, pulling a gray robe out of the storage unit and tying it around her waist. She grabbed one for Sevik and tossed it to him.

He seemed uninterested in the clothing, instead watching her as she went to the small replicator in the corner and punched in the code for soup. She took the steaming bowl and sat down at the desk. She could see Sevik watching her through the metal lattice partition.

“You could sleep, you know,” she said between spoonfuls. “You said you haven't slept a full night in a while.”

“I can’t. The fever won’t let me.”

Juniper frowned. She thought after almost two full days that the urge would start to die down but it was clear she was wrong.

Sevik shrugged the robe she had given him on and came to stand at the edge of the partition, his fingers clinging to the metal designs.

“May I sit beside you?” His voice sounded hoarse.

“Of course.”

Sevik slowly came to her chair and sank to the floor beside her. Cautiously he pressed a hand to her leg before laying his head in her lap. Juniper brushed his hair off his face, noting his skin was still burning.

She finished her soup but they stayed at the desk. Sevik ran his hand up and down the exposed part of her leg and Juniper ran her fingers through his dark hair.

“I do not wish to hurt you,” he said quietly.

“I’m not dying, Sevik, I just need a second,” Juniper said. Sevik looked up at her and she couldn’t resist touching him. She pressed her hand to his cheek and his eyes closed, his hand gently cupping her own. He spoke, low and whispered, but it was all in Vulcan. “You’re going to have to teach me that.”

“I do not know if human tongues are capable of it,” he said.

“My tongue is capable of many things.”

He groaned.

“Sorry, that was unfair,” she said. “Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?”

“I hunger but not for food,” he said. She was caught by the phrase because it had appeared almost word for word in To Meld a Mind right before Savok went down on Rebecca. Juniper couldn’t contain her laughter. Sevik stood up, leaning over her chair close enough for their noses to touch. “You make it agonizing to wait for you.”

“My laugh isn’t that bad,” Juniper pointed out.

“No, it is beautiful. I want to hear it while I am inside of you. I want to share your mind while you express such joy.”

Juniper suddenly felt extremely warm. She pressed a hand to her throat, as if that might calm the heat growing across her body.

“Sevik, I’m not going to lie, that was hot.”

“Define your colloquial use of hot.”

“Sexy, enticing.”

“Good, then come to bed.”

Sevik whirled around and in one swift motion, picked Juniper up from the floor and pressed her back to the metal partition. His mouth covered hers, his tongue sliding into her mouth as if to claim it. She wrapped her legs around his waist, clinging to his shoulders as his kiss deepened.

His hand caught her temple and his mind sank into hers as his cock slid into her. The doubled sensations knocked her sense loose and she could barely make her own thoughts much less read the ones Sevik was having.

He paused, allowing her mind to catch up to his. His brain was in flames just as it had been on the first day, but there was a need in the mixed-up muddle of thoughts inside of her head: a need to be one.

He began to thrust into her and her hands clung to the lattice above her head, hanging on as he pounded into her. She couldn’t even think of words to say, Sevik had cleared them all away.

With their minds connected it was all too easy to come together and, for the hundredth time in just a few days, Juniper was wiped out by another orgasm. She slumped into Sevik’s arms, exhausted. She barely noticed him carrying her to the bed until she was already laid in it. Her robe was askew, but the tie had surprisingly held. She pulled the covers over herself but noticed Sevik had not joined her yet. He stood beside the bed, his hands curled in fists. Juniper reached out, taking one of his hands and rubbing his fingers until they unfurled.

“What’s wrong?”

Sevik sat on the edge of the bed, one hand slipping into her hair as if unable to resist touching her.

“Nothing is wrong, as long as you are here,” he moved to lay beside her, wrapping her in his arms. “Rest, T’hyla.”

The days became a blur. There was no night or day, no hours to keep track, only sleep and Sevik. As the days dragged on, the fever began to burn less hot. His touch less urgent, his kisses lazy and sweet.

It was late on the sixth day and they were lounging in bed. Sevik was finally eating, even if it was only a thin Vulcan soup, and he had slept for around four hours the night before. A new record and proof that the fever was close to coming to an end. Although every other thing he did seemed to prove that hypothesis wrong.

“There is something I have seen in your thoughts,” he said.

“So you’re being nosy?”

He grinned and she still found it strange to see such emotion on his face. She had become so accustomed to the blank slate of controlled Vulcan manners that it was so odd and yet so mesmerizing to see actual emotions. He did not grin with the ease that humans did, as if he was not used to making the gesture but also could not help himself. It felt like a secret, only shared with her.

“It has come up many times by your own consciousness, I thought it only fair to look,” he said. “It is a book.”

“A book?”

“A book written with the intention to tantalize?”

Juniper’s cheeks went red.

“That was sent to me by accident—”

“And you read it by accident as well?”

“Okay, hear me out,” Juniper sat up. “It’s the only thing I could find about pon farr and I thought that something fictional would be better than nothing.”

“That is quite logical,” he said, sliding closer. “Did it help?”

His hand slid up her thigh and she knew exactly where this was headed. She threw an arm around his neck and pressed her forehead to his.

“A little,” she admitted. Their lips met. Sevik grabbed her hips and pulled her into his lap. She melted against his body easily. She’d been with him so many times in the last few days that it felt like second nature by now. He trailed a hand up her chest, through the valley between her breasts, traced her throat and jaw until his fingertips settled on her temple.

“Show me.”

Juniper woke up on the eighth day to an empty bed. The shower whirled from the otherside of the bathroom door, a thin band of light reaching out across the floor from under the door. She stretched, lazily dragging the blankets over her head to hide from the day. Every muscle ached and her lips were swollen and red from kissing. In the dark under the blanket she pressed her fingers to her lips. She’d only had this happen a few times. The first with Ra’kin, who was entirely too eager to have teeth play a role in kissing. Not to mention kissing neck ridges was not easy on a human. The only other time was with a human guy at a space station whose five o’clock shadow kept scraping against her chin.

Her skin felt warm beneath her fingertips but she still anticipated Sevik’s kiss. Even with her body tired and sore, she was waiting until the shower turned off and
he returned to the sheets.

The door to the bathroom whooshed open. Juniper peeked out of the blankets to see Sevik dressed in his uniform, fiddling with the end of his sleeve. He looked just as he did every other day. No hungry look in his eye, no smiles. He’d barely worn any clothing the last week and now here he stood, ready for a shift. Juniper sat up, letting the blanket fall to her waist, uncaring that she was naked beneath it.

“What’s this?” she asked, her eyes pulled to the thick fabric hiding him away.

“It’s over,” he said, his voice neutral.

Her heart jumped into her throat. She knew it was coming. Just last night they ate dinner together and had a full night’s sleep. She didn’t wake up until Sevik had risen to shower. He had not pulled her into his arms, nor had he waken her up in the middle of the night with a desperate need to join their minds. It had been coming to an end but she had ignored it.

She had known it was coming but now that it was here she felt completely unprepared for it.

“I wanted to thank you,” Sevik said. “I am grateful for your generosity and kindness during this time.”

He spoke to her as if he was discussing the lab. His tone during the fever had been so familiar, his eyes bright and warm.

He was sick she reminded herself. Vulcans aren’t supposed to smile. They’re not supposed to whisper sweet nothings into your ear. This was a compulsion, she had simply helped him fulfill it.

That didn’t not do anything to soothe the pain blooming in her chest.

“No problem,” she said, trying to sound nonchalant. There were dozens of other things she could have said that held more weight but her mouth wouldn’t agree with them.

“You should report to sickbay,” Sevik said. “I can escort you there.”

The idea made her stomach flip flop. Her eyes were already stinging with emotions she didn’t understand yet, she didn’t need Sevik with her while she worked out the trouble in her mind.

“I’ll go in a bit, I need to shower.” She waved him off, pulling the blanket up over her chest.

He didn’t argue, instead he gave her a polite nod.

“Is there anything you need?”

“Nope,” Juniper bit down on her bottom lip to keep from asking more of him. She wanted a kiss goodbye. A final moment together before they went back to work. She wanted him to poke around her mind and see what stupid emotion was trying to make her cry.

He stood there for a moment as if expecting her to say something else. When she didn’t he gave her a nod. “Goodbye, Crewman.”

She watched him walk around the partition and heard the door open and close.

Juniper sat alone in the room she had spent with Sevik for the last week. She hated how empty it made her feel. Her throat was thick with tears and she rubbed at her eyes to try to keep them from falling.

She should be thrilled. She fulfilled her promise to her friend. She could go back to her cabin and sleep in her own bed without a sweaty Vulcan breathing down her neck.

This was good. She liked this. She would make herself like this.

She stepped into the shower unit and focused on the hum of the machinery instead of the emotions clogging her thoughts.

Sevik hadn’t linked their minds since the night before and she found herself itching for the mumble of his thoughts. Was that normal? There wasn’t a lot of research done on human and vulcan sexual relationships and even if there was she wouldn’t be able to access them in this hellscape of a quadrant. Humans weren’t supposed to like having their minds read. She wasn’t supposed to miss an intrusion.

Juniper had been without affection or sexual touch from another person for the last three and half years, it was only natural she’d become attached to a person she fucked for seven straight days. What was that about humans’ minds? They become trusting of a person after sleeping next to them for even a single night. Multiple that a couple times and that explained the ache in her chest.

It was okay to feel something, but it would go away. They would return to their lab and their usual selves. He’d nag her for conduct violations and she’d finish her work and return to main engineering where they’d hardly run into one another. Then in another seven years they’d do the same thing.

This was an arrangement not a relationship, all of these feelings will fade Juniper told herself. Just like everyone before.

The Doctor ran a few simple tests and, unlike Rebecca in To Meld a Mind, Juniper did get a UTI. It wasn’t anything a hypospray couldn’t fix but she didn’t exactly enjoy discussing it with the Doctor. She sat perfectly still on the edge of an examination bed as he pressed the cold metal to her neck. He picked up a scanner and watched it as he waved it over her body.

“I feel the need to inform you that Tuvok will be here any minute,” he said.

“Of course,” she sighed. She looked towards his office to where she left her phaser.

“If you’re looking for your weapon it is with him. He’s already drafted a demerit.”

Juniper’s shoulders sagged. Tuvok couldn’t even wait until she was in front of him to type up a reprimand.

“What are you running now?” Juniper asked, giving his medical tricorder a suspicious look.

“Standard post interspecies copulation tests.”

“Nevermind, pretend I didn’t ask.”

“It will take a while,” he said before reaching for a dermal regenerator. “You can use this on the bruising.”

Juniper held a small gun shaped device in her hand. She gave the trigger an experimental click which made the whole thing hum quietly. She pressed it to the underside of her jaw, where she knew Sevik had given her a lot of attention, and let it run.

“Crewman Dart.”

She looked up to see Tuvok marching over from the door. She dropped the regenerator, prepared for her verbal lashing.

“Lieutenant.”

"Lieutenant Commander now,” he said. Her eyes dropped to the extra hollow pip on his collar.

“Congratulations.” She’d been out of his hair for a week and he’d already been promoted.

Tuvok presented her with the phaser she had left behind in the Doctor’s office.

“You are aware, Crewman Dart, that you have disobeyed a direct order.”

“I am.”

“Then you will find no fault in the punishment of revoked rations for a month?”

“Uh, Lieutenant Commander,” the Doctor chimed in. “I will need to make a medical exemption for the Crewman in that case.”

“For what reason?”

“The Crewman has developed a rather rigorous urinary tract infection.”

Juniper’s face burned but she said nothing, simply looked at the floor rather than engage in the situation.

“I have never heard of such a thing.”

“It’s not commonplace now, but considering the, um, activity Dart has been up to it’s not surprising.”

“Can I just get my cranberry juice credits and go on my way?” Juniper interjected.

“Not yet,” the Doctor said, remembering the tricorder in his hand.

“I also need to continue my conversation with you,” Tuvok said.

Juniper grit her molars. The loneliness she had felt after Sevik had dissolved and all she wanted was to be alone again. The medbay was too bright, their words to sharp.

“What other rules did I break?”

“No other irregularities but I wish to evaluate your mental health.”

Juniper looked at him, half expecting the Vulcan to admit he was joking. All she was met with was a hard gaze.

“Actually, gentlemen, I think I’ll be going.” Juniper slid off the bed only for the Doctor to follow her, holding the tricorder above her head.

“Crewman, we are not done,” Tuvok insisted.

“But I am.”

She ignored their protestations and walked out of the medbay heading towards a turbolift. When the door opened she quickly slid in, worried that Tuvok might try to follow her, only to find it was not empty.

“Juni?” Vavi stood in the turbolift, her duty clipboard forgotten in her hand.

“It’s good to see you,” Juniper said, and she was telling the truth. While she enjoyed lounging around with Sevik, after the unpleasantness of the medbay she was reminded what made Voyager livable and it was Vavi.

“I made Wallace break protocol to try and find you. He got a demerit for it.” Vavi said, crossing her arms over her chest. Juniper’s smile fell. It seemed she had earned a lecture from everyone aboard.

“I told you I was going to be gone.”

“You didn’t tell me where,” Vavi said.

Juniper’s stomach twisted into a knot.

“I’m sorry Vavi, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Vavi stood there for a second as if waiting for more.

“That’s it? You’re not going to tell me what you’ve been doing?”

“I told you, it was private.”

“Nothing is private on Voyager, and yet you managed to disappear for an entire week? Prophets, what’s happened to your neck?” Vavi asked, hooking a finger into Juniper’s undershirt collar and pulling it aside, exposing more bruising that had only just begun to fade from the first few rigorous days. She’d abandoned the dermal regenerator when Tuvok had walked in and now she wished she hadn’t.

“Did someone hurt you?” Vavi wore a familiar expression: concern hiding a burning anger. This was not the first time Juniper had been in this position. She’d spent many early mornings in space station corridors trying to remember the night before and unable to give Vavi a reliable story.

“No one hurt me,” she said.

“I beg to differ,” Vavi said. “You’re as blue as an Andorian.”

Exhaustion slammed into her mind. She’d spent a week with Sevik, a grueling hour with the Doctor and a horrible two minutes with Tuvok which was her limit with all of them. She wanted to soothe Vavi’s worries, but she wanted to sleep more than anything else. She was still trying to figure out the ache in her chest and she didn’t need more people to snap at her for not doing exactly what they wanted her to do.

“Vavi, I’m tired. Can we talk about this later?” she said, shoving Vavi’s hand away from her collar.

“Juniper, if you're in trouble I want to help you.”

“I’m not in trouble.”

“What do you call this?”

Vavi’s stubbornness was, at times, an asset but could just as easily become an obstacle. She knew Vavi thought little of her decision making skills, she couldn’t really blame her for it, but aboard Voyager there was little trouble she could get into besides Tuvok’s bad side and she was already firmly on it.

Why was it that even when Juniper was doing a kindness she was still disciplined for it? If she was selfish she got a demerit, if she was selfless she was berated. There was no winning. Then again, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal to be criticized again. She’d become accustomed to it, after all.

“I know it may be hard for you to understand but sometimes, very infrequently, I make an okay decision,” Juniper said sharply.

“I don’t see anything okay with the situation,” Vavi said stubbornly. “If I ever disappeared for over a week you’d want to know where I was.”

It hit Juniper right in the chest. How many nights had she spent curled up in her bunk trying to ignore Taan and Rordin whispering about the Maquis in the dark? On the Val Jean Vavi had promised to stay by her side but the second Wallace looked her way their friendship had become secondary. That was fine. People grow apart. She didn’t need Vavi’s attention every second of the day but why was this a problem now that it was Juniper doing it?

“You have disappeared. What do you call the last year?” Juniper said.

“There’s a difference between going on some dates and vanishing! ”

“You left me alone to spend time in a private room with some asshole from Baltimore.”

“Boston.”

“Whatever!”

“I just wanted to know you were safe!”

“I was!”

“Then tell me where you’ve been.”

Juniper considered it for a moment. Maybe it’d calm down the argument to tell the truth but it would ignite a whole other problem. Vavi couldn’t keep a secret and the amount of explaining Juniper would have to do to make her see reason would take all night and there was a chance she’d never understand. She didn’t see gray like Juniper did. It was only rights and wrongs, never desires and deals.

Standing in that turbolift, Juniper realized she’d rather keep Sevik’s secret and face Vavi’s wrath.

“No.”

“Juniper.”

“It’s private,” she said stiffly.

Vavi crossed her arms over chest. Her anger was palpable, as if it could heat up the air around her.

“So, that’s how it is?”

“You don’t have to know where I am every minute of every day, you're not my mother.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t act this way if you had one.”

Vavi slapped the control panel causing the turbolift door to hiss open and marched out into the corridor. Juniper was too stunned to follow. She let the door slowly slide closed again leaving her alone in the lift.

Juniper’s first instinct was usually anger. The inconveniences and small frustrations that life threw at her usually earned her rage. It wasn’t until the pain became so unbearable did she fall silent. Only when the skin of her back was torn to the point of numbness did her screams stop.

After Vavi’s sharp words she had gone up to her room and grabbed the rest of her belongings, which wasn’t much. Most of her things were still on Deck Nine ready to be collected after her check up with the Doctor. She left the long metal earring Vavi had replicated for her on the shelf in the closet and shrugged on her father’s coat before leaving back for Deck Nine. She had not imagined she’d be staying longer but now the thought of sleeping in the same room as Vavi made her nauseous.

For someone who was so often reprimanded for being argumentative she had let the remark slide by without a rebuttal. She should have defended her, that woman who died years ago. Juniper didn’t know enough to truly speak for her, but she shouldn’t have taken it lying down like that. She should have fought.

She thought of her father, her hard-working gentle father, and the one time he had yelled at her. She’d been small and lamenting a chore that had fallen on her shoulders. She had been upset that everyone else had multiple parents or siblings to help out and they had to do everything between the two of them.

“I hate her for dying.” Juniper had not known about death yet, not in a true sense. She knew the abstract, but not the details like the way her smile lifts on the left side like her father’s and how it’ll always hurt to notice it. She knew it took people away and she was mad at this grand concept of death for taking away her mother.

Her father had grabbed her shirt and made her meet his eyes.

“Never say that again.” His voice had held an anger and hurt she had never heard before. He immediately dropped his hold on her and walked straight out into the fields to cool off. They never spoke of it but she never repeated the words again.

She didn’t hate her mother for dying, just like she couldn’t hate her father for dying. She couldn’t even hate death for taking them, she hated the world she was left in that felt so cruel without them.

Juniper dropped onto the bed, holding her father’s coat closer around her shoulders. Maybe she would be different if her mother had lived a bit longer. If her father was still alive to look after her. Would she still be the same Juniper Dart or would she be better? A likable person that people enjoyed talking to. Maybe with less chores to do they would have spent more time together like the other families’ had. Instead Juniper was raised on the machines in the fields and knew more about Bajoran tractors than people.

She wished the room wasn’t so empty. It had felt small and intimate with Sevik but now it felt large and hollow. A room too big for her thoughts to handle.

She wanted to call him. To go to his room and climb into his bunk with him and sleep with him close to her. To press his fingertips to her temple and let their minds weave together. But there was nothing in their arrangement about soothing her hurt ego.

Chapter Text

Luckily, Tuvok’s ration punishment was delayed until her medical leave was officially over. For the next few days, Juniper did not leave Cabin 8-1A at all. She ate from the replicator, read her PADD, and most of all slept. Occasionally a voice would crackle to life on her comm badge but she had tossed it under her bed the first night alone and ignored the faint whispers through the mattress.

Juniper sat in bed, wrapped in her father’s jacket, staring at the dark room around her. She didn’t know what time it was, she had neglected to keep track of it. There was an alarm set for her first duty shift and she was simply waiting for it now.

Juniper had learned to want lovers like she wanted a drink. Strong and all at once with some regret about it in the morning. She had missed the orgasms Ra’kin had given her and little else. She had never wanted anything else from him.

This was not the way she found herself wanting Sevik. She wanted to simply exist in his presence. She wanted to fume about Vavi’s words and describe her parents who he will never meet. She wanted to open a part of herself she never thought about opening before.

She wanted him to tell her exactly what provisions of the Starfleet handbook she had violated. She wanted to kiss him in as many ways souls across the universe could. She wanted to be called T’hyla again despite not truly knowing what it meant.

It was frightening. Juniper had relied on people before but for material things. Her father for the roof over her head and the food in her belly, Chakotay for a ship to work on and grease under her nails. Janeway for a way back home. She had never thought about leaning her emotions so heavily on someone, especially a Vulcan. Yet it was the only thing she could think of doing.

Juniper touched her fingers to her temple, mimicking the pose Sevik had used. Maybe she could touch her own thoughts as he had. Yet with her fingers pressed to her forehead all she felt was the same swirl of confusion and hurt.

The blur of days came to a crashing halt when her alarm finally roared to life. Her vision was blurry, her throat was itchy and dry.

Juniper stumbled to her feet and instantly felt light-headed. It felt like her first night on the Val Jean, when she’d spent the night getting disinfectant poured into her wounds until they could find a station that had more advanced medical equipment. She managed to make it to the shower unit where she held onto the railing through the entire cycle, scared she might fall.

She pulled on her uniform and didn’t dare peek at the woman in the mirror.

Juniper took the long way to Lab Three, avoiding all the main gathering places. She didn’t want to see Vavi and she wasn’t sure how she’d react if she did. She feared she’d crumple into tears and that wasn’t exactly her goal for the day. Her goal was to make it through a shift with Sevik without making it, well, weird. She might have an itch to feel his mind again but she doubted he’d want to mess around with her human emotions.

She couldn’t get the last look he had given her out of her head. After a week of small smiles and so much feeling it had pained her to see it all gone. She had enjoyed Sevik’s company before, but now that she knew the emotions that were just beneath the surface she wanted them for herself.

Perhaps that was selfish. Sevik was hurting and sick when he had shared those smiles and had entrusted her to keep them a secret. To want them again would be to want him in pain.

Juniper stood in front of the lab door for too long trying to catch her breath. She couldn’t let this ruin her.

The door slid open and she stepped inside cautiously.

“You’re three minutes late,” Sevik said, already seated at his station.

“Yeah…” Juniper swallowed back any other words. She ducked her head and went to her own desk where she found a cup of coffee waiting for her. She paused for a moment, looking at Sevik who said nothing. She thought such gifts would stop once he’d gotten what he needed, but clearly she’d been proven wrong. She cupped the mug in her hand and went to examine the grand structure she had constructed over the past weeks pretending the warm ceramic under her fingers didn’t make her heart flutter.

There were yards of tubing to lay, pumps to hook up, glass to still install, not to mention all of the controls needed to be wired in. For some reason that put her mind at ease. As long as there was a greenhouse to work on there would be a reason to come to Sevik’s lab. She looked down at her coffee and could not hold back her smile. It was a friendly kindness and she desperately needed it.

Then again, this was a seven year occurrence for Sevik. It would do him little good to use her once and suffer in seven years. It would only be logical to keep her close and happy for the entire voyage home. Juniper fought her frown. At least hassle-free coffee was a guarantee for the decades they’d be stuck on the ship. She took a sip and the coffee was more bitter than usual.

“Are you feeling well?”

Juniper jumped, nearly dropping her mug. Sevik had snuck up behind her and stood fairly close. She clutched the cup tighter.

“What?”

“How are you feeling?”

“Oh, uh fine.”

“You do not appear to have gotten enough rest,” he said matter-of-factly.

Juniper pressed a hand to her face. She hadn’t checked herself before coming to her shift and now she wished she had.

“I’ve had too much sleep lately,” she answered honestly. She’d spent more than half the time alone asleep; she didn’t need any more time in bed. She gave him a weak smile and was met with a cold, logical stare.

“That is not it.”

“What?”

“There is something else.”

Juniper looked down at her coffee to avoid the dark eyes staring straight into her. She took a deep breath and tried to let all the frustration clinging to the muscles in her shoulders melt. She looked back up with a better smile on her lips.

“I’m fine, really,” she said. “Now tell me Ensign, did the others take care of your plants?”

She brushed past him to look at the collection growing in the corner. They were crowded together but looked fairly healthy to her untrained eye. She set her coffee mug on his station and moved to get a closer look.

“Ensign Taan did an adequate job,” he said. For Sevik that was quite the compliment.

Juniper stepped closer to the plants, letting her eyes roam the colorful leaves and stems decorating the lab. This time she heard his boots as he crossed to stand behind her. Even that subtle sign of life made the knot in her stomach tighten.

“Crewman,” he said.

“Hm?”

Sevik took her arm and gently pulled her a few steps back so she stood between him and his station.

He was so close to her, his fingers still lingering on her arm. Her heart hammered in her ears loud enough to drown out the warp core’s pulse. She wished she wasn’t wearing her uniform so she could feel his hand against her skin. She looked up at him and could not hide from his gaze. She was sucked into it like a blackhole, completely enraptured. Even without his mind touching hers she was positive he could read everything in her heart as if it was written across her face.

“A few of the plants are carnivorous and can easily overpower a human,” he said.

Sevik released her and wordlessly sat on his stool, suddenly focused on the specimen on his desk. Juniper cleared her throat and crossed back into her territory trying not to appear too deflated. Her mind was drowning in emotions and it would be nice to focus on something that couldn’t feel anything. She grabbed one of the pumps and slapped it on her workstation, prying open the inside. There were different viscosity of fluids that each pump needed to handle and she had to make sure this one could handle thick blood-like substances for the scarier plants.

She didn’t hear Sevik as he crossed the room, in fact she didn’t notice him until he’d already set her forgotten coffee mug on her desk and was already turned back to his side of the lab.

Her shoulders were sore from being hunched over a pump all day but Juniper found herself feeling better. She had always done well with something to focus on other than her own wallowing, but it was hard at times to find something worth her time. She skipped the mess hall and went straight to Deck Nine. She stopped outside Cabin 8-1A but the door didn’t open. She fiddled with the control panel but the light remained red and it refused to open for her.

Juniper frowned. The room had been reserved for Sevik and herself for his pon farr, since the medical leave was done it seemed her access to the room was as well.

She thought of dragging herself back to her shared room and looking Vavi in the eyes. She had taken the secrets she had whispered to her in drunken hazes and on cold nights on the Val Jean and twisted them against her. Juniper’s chest ached. She couldn’t go back, not with her heart so raw.

“Crewman, take a seat,” Chakotay said, holding a hand out to the sofa. Juniper had yet to see Chakotay’s office and was less than impressed by its size. It was only a quarter the size of Janeway’s and felt incredibly cluttered. The desk felt like a hazard and the sofa was squished between two walls and shoved beneath a window. She reluctantly took a seat there since there was no room for a chair opposite his desk like Janeway sported. “What brings you to me this evening?”

“I’m not sure if you’re aware of where your help led me,” Juniper began, picking at the edge of her uniform’s sleeve. “But Cabin 8-1A has been assigned to me for the last week and I’d like to make that arrangement permanent.”

“Not another roommate issue is it?” Chakotay asked as he brought up a file on his control panel.

“I’m afraid it is.”

He frowned but said nothing as he tapped through the files.

“That’s a couple’s room,” he said. “And it’s under two names, not just yours.”

“You can keep Sevik on it, I just want to be moved out of my previous room.”

“Is it a Starfleet problem?” he asked.

“No.”

“You couldn’t possibly have an issue with Vavi, the two of you were inseparable on the Val Jean.” Chakotay said with a smile. Juniper fidgeted.

“Things are a lot different here than they were on the Val Jean.”

“If I need to talk to her for you I can make time—”

“No, that is unnecessary,” Juniper said sharply. Chakotay gave her a warning look. He’d been gentle with her but they both knew he wouldn’t let her come in and demand things of him. That wasn’t how the Maquis worked and it definitely wasn’t how Starfleet functioned. Juniper sighed. “She doesn’t agree with certain choices I’ve made lately concerning Ensign Sevik.”

“Your assistance with his time?” Chakotay said. She figured he’d been kept at least a little informed. Despite the appearance of confidentiality there wasn’t anything on the ship that Janeway didn’t know about and if a Maquis was involved it would certainly come around to Chakotay. Juniper nodded.

“That and my reluctance to share details with her.”

“She came to me frequently this week to inquire about you but, like yourself, I too am bound by Vulcan secrets. She was concerned for your well being, as any good friend would be.”

“She’s not my friend,” Juniper said quickly. “Not anymore.”

“I don’t follow.”

Juniper took a deep breath and stared down at her fingers where they were tangled together in her lap.

“I know I don’t follow rules. I know I’m a burden and I know I’m difficult to be around but I felt that for once since being on Voyager I was able to do some good. To help someone, you know? And all I’ve gotten for it is reticule. I’ve barely been back a full day and I’m already exhausted by everyone pointing out what a mistake it was.”

Chakotay was quiet for a long moment.

“You’re not a burden.” He looked at her with warm brown eyes and a small insistent smile that reminded her so much of her father. Of the warm coco drinks they had on cold nights and the stories he’d tell her before bed back on Volan II. When she was still a child with potential and not an adult failing to keep up with expectations.

“Don’t try to spare my feelings,” she said, her throat tightening with fresh tears that she was desperately trying to hold back.

“Why do you think you’re a burden?”

“Sir…” Her voice cracked. She took in a shaky breath before continuing. “Sir, I'm well aware of my behavioral record on this ship and my actions aboard the Val Jean.”

“And how do you assist the ship?”

Juniper’s teeth tore through the skin of her bottom lip and the taste of iron hit her tongue.

“I’ve… cleaned plasma coils,” she said bitterly, trying to think of what else she could add to her list of accomplishments. “And I made sure Ensign Sevik’s alive.”

“You think the last week with Ensign Sevik is the only good thing you’ve ever done on Voyager?” Chakotay gave her a hard look but she didn’t answer him. After years of sitting around masquerading as a Starfleet crewman her favor for Sevik felt like the greatest good she’d done since joining the Maquis. “You know you have more to offer.”

Juniper tore her gaze away. She couldn’t handle the sincerity in his eyes. It wasn’t real.

“Dart, look at me.”

Reluctantly, she lifted her chin. Chakotay leaned forward, pressing his elbows on his knees and giving her the same look he had all those years ago.

“You’re smart. You have more to give the universe than just your body.”

The memory of stumbling into his quarters on the Val Jean filled her mind. She’d been barely eighteen at the time and even then he’d been old enough to be her father. He had given her a purpose and a home after hers had been taken away. She felt indebted to him and back then the only way she knew how to show it was with touch. That’s how Ra’kin liked it and how the strangers she met on the stations liked it, why not Chakotay too?

She’d only managed to slip a hand up his shirt before he’d grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her back. He had seemed hurt by the exchange, insulted that she assumed he’d want her. It had confused her then but now it made more sense. Just as she didn’t enjoy Jax’s lingering touch, Chakotay had found her advances revolting. That was not the kind of loyalty you wanted from a child.

Juniper bit down on the inside of her cheek.

What could she offer? Her mechanic skills were subpar, her manners lacking, and her mind was far from sharp. She’d always been filler. Another kid for the colony to grow, another body for the Maquis’ battle fodder, and now a warm body to fill an engineering shift. She was nothing special, the only remarkable thing about her was how little time it took her to jump into a stranger’s bunk. If she had other things to give, why did no one ask anything else of her?

She blinked back the tears collecting on her lashes and gave him a hard look.

“Do I get Cabin 8-1A or not?”

He looked disappointed as he leaned back in his chair and tapped at his screen. She heard the chime of the approval but he waited a long moment, as if expecting her to speak. When she didn’t, he sighed.

“It’s yours.”

Juniper rushed back to her new room, her head down to hide the hot tears running down her cheeks. She had gotten what she wanted but she felt she had paid a horrible price. Her heart ached in her chest, sore from being pricked so many times in such a short span of time. Even when people were trying to be helpful they found fault with her. With her actions, with her thinking—there would always be something for them to scrap at until she was red and raw all over from their scratching.

Once the door to Cabin 8-1A slid closed Juniper let out a sob. It caught in her throat, sounding more strangled than necessary. She slapped a hand over her mouth. She couldn’t crumble like this. She had lived through far worse than to dissolve over simple words. She did not grit her teeth through getting stitches in her back with no anesthetic besides a bottle of bloodwine to break now.

She walked to the replicator punching in a random meal when a red light flashed at her.

Ration limit reached.

Of course. Tuvok’s punishment for not shooting Sevik in the head or whatever it was he wanted her to do. She didn’t understand him. If she had taken her phaser she probably would have been cited for improper weapon storage or thrown in the brig for hurting a superior officer.

Her heart wanted to kick the chair beside the replicator, to rage at the unfairness of it all, but her body was too weak. She dropped onto the bed and hid her face in her hands, pressing her palms against her eyes as if they might force the tears back.

She hated that the best part of her day had been the quiet comfort of working in Sevik’s lab. That she could still feel the slamming of her heart in her chest when he had touched her. That she hoped, despite all of the baggage it carried with it, that there would be a cup of coffee waiting for her tomorrow.

Juniper kicked off her boots and curled into bed still in her uniform, too tired to do anything else but slip under the covers.

She stood at her father’s side watching as the Cardassian merchant walked down the ramp from their ship to the dock below. Everyone had gathered around with lists of needed items in the hopes that the trader might have it. Juniper fidgeted with the empty bag her father had set in her arms, prepared to haul whatever they bought back to their house.

Another Cardassian stepped out of the ship. Where the trader was graying this man had a head full of thick dark hair. He was lean but carried the crates down to the settlers with a practiced ease. The citizens of Volan II kindly gave the trader a few minutes to set up his wares before flooding him with demands, her father included.

Juniper waited at the back of the pack, letting her bag hang from the edge of her finger. She felt eyes on her and turned to see the young Cardassian leaning against the ship’s ramp. He was grinning at her.

Her cheeks burned but she didn’t look away. She liked the way he looked at her, like she was interesting. Her heart thumped in her chest.

She peeked over to where her father was still in line to talk to the trader. She skirted around the crowd to stand in front of the Cardassian. Even leaning he was taller than her, the ridges along his skull casting shadows across his face.

“Want to see ship?” he asked in a thick accent. Juniper bit her lip and looked for her father again. He was lost in the crowd and she was sure he wouldn’t mind her being friendly. She nodded.

The Cardassian smirked and led her up the ramp into the cool dimness of the trader ship. It had narrow walkways cluttered with crates of merchandise but the Cardassian led her smoothly through it to the cockpit. There were two worn looking chairs in front of the control panel. He took the pilot’s and motioned for her to take the other one. The leather was cold against the exposed skin of her legs. She twisted forward looking through the viewing screen to the field ahead of them. She wondered what it would be like to fly a ship like this.

His hand touched her thigh sending her heart into her throat.

“I am Ra’kin.”

She turned to respond but found a room thick with incense. She was seated on a silk cushion looking at a young woman next to her. She had long dark hair that was neatly braided back from her face and fell down her back in perfect straight lines. Her ears curved up to a delicate point and she had a beautifully neutral expression on her face. A pang of envy shot through her chest and she tried to force it down.

“Your mind is wandering, friend,” the woman said. Juniper’s heart dropped. She felt the need to prove herself to this woman but didn’t know why.

She blinked and Ra’kin was leaning over her chair, pressing kisses against her neck.

“Wait.” She pushed him back, looking around the aging ship for the girl. There was nothing but rusting crates but she could still smell the incense, woody and thick in her nose.

The sound of the door sliding open shocked her out of sleep. Juniper scrambled to her feet, blinking through the darkness and trying to remember where her phaser was. A figure stepped around the lattice partition and her wild heartbeat only began to slap harder into her ribs.

Sevik stood in front of her with a small box in his hands. It had no lid but held a small collection of personal items including what looked like the red robe he had worn to the holodeck party all neatly folded up.

“Sevik?” she asked, wiping the sleep from her eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Due to a computer error this is my assigned room,” he said. Juniper blinked. She knew they were both assigned the room a week ago, but he should still have his old bunk to go back to. So why was he here? He seemed to notice her confusion because he continued. “My only room.”

Chapter Text

Juniper chewed on her bottom lip as Sevik set his box of belongings on the table in the corner. She had jumped out of bed but stood awkwardly in her duty uniform, barefoot with her hair in a tangle around her head. She had not expected anyone to be in the room and all of her own stuff was thrown around, the storage shelves empty in favor of the floor. She kicked her shoes into a corner and began plucking her clothing from the floor in an attempt to make it more presentable.

“That’s my fault,” she said, bundling the garments in her arms.

“Commander Chakotay assured me it was a computer error and would be remedied tomorrow,” Sevik said, watching as she moved around the room gathering more and more things in her arms. He made no move to unpack his things.

“Chakotay is doing me a favor by lying to you,” Juniper said, her frustrations bubbling in her throat. She would never stop owing that man. No thanks would ever be enough for every little thing he had done for her.

“The Commander lied?” Sevik asked.

“Yes,” Juniper dropped her clothes into a corner. Sevik’s eyes fell to the mess at her feet.

“There is a closet,” Sevik said.

“I’m aware.” She made no move but rubbed a hand across her face. She was still waking up from her dream and couldn’t shake the cloudy feeling of incense from her mind. It smelled like death sticking to the inside of her nose.

“A closet is usually used for hanging clothing and storing other items.”

“I know what closets are for, Sevik.” Juniper pressed her fingertips against the bone around her eye socket trying to soothe the pressure building there.

Sevik moved to the closet door and slid it open. He grabbed a few hangers from inside and walked over to the corner where she had gathered all of her things. He grabbed the extra uniform that was at the top of the pile and slid it onto the hanger.

“You don’t have to do that,” Juniper said.

“Human emotions can easily cloud the mind,” Sevik said. He crossed to the closet and set the uniform inside of it. “This can result in dysfunction in everyday tasks.”

“My mind’s not clouded,” she lied.

He grabbed a shirt from the pile but didn’t look at her.

“Why do you believe Commander Chakotay lied for you?”

“What?”

“You said the Commander lied about my assignment to this room, why is that?” He set the shirt in the closet and came back for another.

“Because I talked to him, not about lying, but about my own room assignment.”

“You asked for a relocation?”

“I did.”

“Why?”

Juniper swished the idea around her head. She’d kept her emotions surprisingly close to her chest for the past few days but seeing as the rift with Vavi was caused by Sevik he might as well know.

“I had a disagreement with Vavi,” Juniper said, leaning against the wall while Sevik walked back to the closet.

“Disagreement is a rather political word for you to use,” Sevik said. “You usually have fights, not disagreements.”

“You’re rubbing off on me.”

He gave her a look she could only describe as soft. There was no smile, no lift of the brow, but she could feel the sentiment behind it. It made her cheeks warm.

“What was the disagreement over?”

Juniper bit her lip.

“She’s upset I didn’t tell her where I was last week,” Juniper looked to the ground.

“I apologize for causing any tension between—”

“I didn’t tell her,” Juniper interrupted. “About Vulcans or pon farr or anything like that.”

“I appreciate that.”

She stood silently as he folded a shirt and placed it on one of the shelves in the closet. Her brain was drowning in feelings and while she wanted to sleep them off that was impossible with her guest for the night. However, she couldn’t help but want to spill her guts to Sevik. The man who’d been inside of her head and had whispered sweet nothings against her skin anyway. Juniper stopped herself. Sevik had been under the influence of a fever when that had happened and she had no right to continue to expect such… privileges from him. Still, she found herself filling the silence that was beginning to suffocate the room.

“I have a feeling we would have come to this eventually even without Vulcan secrets,” Juniper said.

“I thought you were friends with Crewman Vavi.”

Juniper rolled the word ‘friend’ around her tongue. Chakotay had mentioned that as well and she was beginning to truly dissect the word.

“What is your definition of a friend, Sevik?”

“To humans a friend is considered to be a person with which you have a bond of mutual affection and trust.”

Juniper and Vavi had not sought each other out. They were displaced by the Cardassians and had chosen to board Chakotay’s ships as rebels. They had no contact with home and no way of leaving without being taken into Federation custody. They shared many things: their hatred for Cardassia and Federation’s apathy. They both had witnessed horrors and had been willing to fight to end them. But they were different. Vavi constantly poked at people, determined to know everything about a person. Juniper didn’t bother with any of that. She didn’t usually care about the inner lives of the people that passed by. She took little from the people around her but Vavi demanded so much. If they had met under any other circumstances Juniper could not confidently say they’d be friends.

“And if that trust comes from simply being stuck in the same shitty situation can it be real?”

“You question the foundation of your friendship?”

“When we were outlaws it felt right but now on Voyager it feels… it doesn’t feel sincere.”

“Relationships and bonds depend not just on personality but also the stage of life,” Sevik said.

Sevik went to grab the next item in the pile: her father’s old leather jacket. Without thinking Juniper lurched forward, grabbing it from his fingers. She clutched it to her chest.

“Sorry. This one can stay out.”

Sevik seemed unfazed, grabbing the next item as if she had not just snatched something out of his hands.

“It is an interesting garment,” he said. “Is it animal skin?”

“It is. I know that Vulcans… We didn’t have a lot back home,” Juniper stumbled over her words. She knew from her time on the Val Jean that most people used replicated clothes and considered butchering animals for anything barbaric. From her research on Voyager she knew Vulcans were vegetarians and probably frowned on the act.

“While it is against our customs now, there was a time when resources were limited on Vulcan,” Sevik said, continuing the methodic task of putting away Juniper’s items. Juniper ran her finger over the rough hand sewn seams of the jacket. “We made do with what we had, now we no longer need such things. Not all planets are quite as fortunate.”

It was quiet for a long moment as Sevik finished hanging up the last of her clothes and slid the closet shut. She sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the aged leather and thought of her dream. The odd mixture of Ra’kin and that woman. She had been a young woman with a delicate grace about her. She had undoubtedly been Vulcan.

It was strange how her chest reacted to the image of her face. She was reminded of Ra’kin, of butterflies and stealing glances but also of pain. The same kind of pain that seemed stitched into the jacket in her arms.

“Can I ask you something?” Juniper asked.

“Of course.”

“It’s… it’s not coming from a logical place.”

“I find your questions rarely do.”

“Did you ever, this might be the wrong word, meditate when you were younger?”

“Yes. Meditation is a common practice among my people.”

Juniper licked her lips.

“Did you ever mediate with someone else?”

“Yes. It is not uncommon to meditate in groups, especially as a child when emotional control does not come as easily.”

“But with a girl?”

He paused.

“I do not understand your question.”

“I dreamt of a Vulcan girl. She was young and beautiful and I can’t shake the feeling in my heart that she’s real. That it was a real moment I felt and not something my brain made up.”

She thought of the incense curling up into the air and the sweat collecting on her palms. It felt so real, as if she had lived the moment herself and yet there was a melancholy to it. A vivid moment seen through tinted lenses coloring it all a cold blue. It made her shiver.

“Fascinating,” Sevik said, moving to sit beside her on the edge of the bed. He peered into her eyes as if he could see the inner workings of her brain through her pupils. “What else do you remember?”

“It was very brief,” Jupiter said. As she spoke she tapped her finger against her chest, remembering the sensations of the dream in her body. “But I wanted to impress her, to show that I could cork the boiling inside of my chest.”

“It seems that you are experiencing a residual memory left over by our previous mind melds. I have read about such a phenomenon but have not met anyone who has experienced it, especially a human.”

“It was your memory?”

He gave a small nod.

“Then it was real, then she is real,” Jupiter said excitedly. “But who is she?”

Sevik blinked at her before speaking. “I wonder if we induce another mind meld if we could see the memories that are left behind. Or possibly even pick and choose what to share with one another permanently. It would be an interesting way to share information although unpractical for most needs—”

“Sevik,” she put a hand over his, silencing his words. Dread collected in the pit of her stomach like rain water. “I need to know, did something happen to her?”

He paused, opened his mouth and then shut it again. He closed his eyes for a moment but still couldn’t seem to speak. She squeezed his fingers and he straightened up, his jaw set and his eyes cold.

“She was T’sra, my childhood betrothed. She died while I was on Earth at Starfleet Academy.” His voice was stiff and controlled.

It shot through her like an arrow. She had been right. Something did happen to that woman, her flame snuffed out before it could even begin to burn brightly.

Juniper shifted to sit facing Sevik and pulled both of his hands into her lap, laying them on top of her father’s jacket.

“Will you tell me about her?” she asked with a soft smile.

“Where is the logic in speaking of a dead person you will never meet?”

“To remember them. To heal the pain you feel when you think of them,” she said, blinking back the moisture in her own eyes.

“That is a human ritual. I have nothing wrong with my memory nor do I have any pain to heal from.”

Despite his steady voice she doubted his sincerity. She looked down at their hands intertwined. He was holding on to her now, his fingers woven with her own. Her own grief was bubbling in her throat and threatening to break out.

She thought of her father, but not the last time she saw him. Not the fear in his brown eyes and the blood staining his clothes, but of him smiling in the Volan II sun. Of his hair when it was dark and not peppered with gray, when he was strong enough to heft her over his head like one of the merchant ships that flew through the sky to the docks. She thought of his arms rocking her to sleep and how she’d give anything to be in his embrace once more, to even be yelled at for forgetting a chore again. Anything. Anything to have that piece again.

She thought of her tiny family lost to the wind, broken apart and forgotten by wars much bigger than herself. The lives that fell through the cracks of the Federation’s great grand plan. It was only through pure coincidence that she was scooped up by Janeway that she had not become another casualty.

Her fingers tightened around his, her hands warming his cool skin.

“I wish I could be like you, Sevik,” she blurted out, her eyes stinging with tears. “I wish I could take all the emotions clogging up my head and hide them away from where people can use them against me, but I can’t even when I try. They just run free and I’m powerless to stop them.”

His thumb brushed away a tear before his hand caressed her face. His skin was cool to the touch.

“You are exactly how a human should be,” he said. “Illogical, emotional, and perfect.”

Juniper’s sniffles broke into a laugh.

“Sevik, did you just call me perfect?” She was in shock, certain she had fallen asleep and dreamed such an absurd statement.

“Yes. Do you take issue with it?” He said, completely unfazed, as if ready to debate his point with her.

Juniper laughed harder.

“Holy shit,” she wheezed trying to catch her breath as tears and giggles intermingled. She tried to stifle her laughter but it only grew until she didn’t know if the tears falling were from grief or humor.

After what felt like hours of laughing her chuckles came to a stop and she wiped away the tears from her swollen eyes. Her stomach ached and she didn’t realize it but she’d fallen forward, resting her head on Sevik’s shoulder. One hand was still captured in Sevik’s, his fingers pressed firmly to hers in the way that made the back of her head tingle. He let out a small breath so miniscule she wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t been pressed against his chest.

“Are you reading my mind?” she asked. Her voice was hoarse from her laughing fit and she felt exhausted from all the emotion of the day.

“Apologies. I was skimming the emotions at the forefront of your mind. I should have asked,” he said but made no move to remove his fingers from hers. She didn’t mind.

“What’d you find?”

“Chaos,” he said and after a small hesitation added “It is enviable.”

“Are Vulcans supposed to feel envy?”

“No, but I have never been skilled at suppressing it.”

“Why would you even want a chaotic mind? It’s a real pain in the ass,” she said.

“It is not the actuality but the ability to have it,” he said.

Juniper stared at their conjoined hands.

“I guess I feel that too. I know I couldn’t live like a Vulcan but the ability to quiet everything… it’s appealing.”

They were quiet for a moment, lingering in one another’s touch.

“I could do that for you,” he said, almost a whisper.

“Hm?”

“Quiet everything. I am not the most practiced but I have felt your mind and I think I could give you some peace. That is if you wanted it.”

Juniper’s heart jumped into her throat. Had she not been lying in bed last night yearning for Sevik’s touch in her mind? And here he was, wrapped around her offering it to her. She knew it couldn’t last, that she couldn’t become dependent on this Starfleet officer forever, but Juniper wasn’t thinking of the future.

She sat up, reluctantly removing herself from his embrace.

“I do want it,” she said, probably too eagerly. “What would it feel like?”

“Like a caress,” he said, his voice low and smooth.

“It wouldn’t hurt?”

“Did I hurt you last week?” he asked suddenly, concern pulling ever so slightly at his brow. A neutral expression on a human but a down right gasp on a Vulcan.

“No, no, never,” Juniper corrected. “But that wasn’t trying to fix my mind.”

“There is nothing to fix in your mind,” he said. “It would be like the calming of the ocean as the tides change.”

She was transfixed by his gaze. His eyes, dark and heavy, seemed to look right through her like he was already soothing her soul without even initiating a meld. She felt like she could melt into his eyes just as the black of his pupil blended with the darkness of his iris.

“Are there oceans on Vulcan?” she asked. Her research had informed her most of the planet was desert, dry and uninhabitable by most.

“There are seas, but not as massive as the ones on Earth.”

“I’ve never been to Earth,” Juniper said. Her heart twinged.

“I have, I will show you.”

Sevik reached a hand between them but paused.

“I have only ever touched your mind during the pon farr. I do not have a lot of memory from that time and my ability to focus was severely inhibited. If I were to touch your mind now I would see more, possibly things you do not wish me to see.”

Juniper considered the thoughts clogging her mind, especially the yearning for the very person in front of her and the doubt that she could ever be worthy of it.

“Would it go both ways?” she asked. “If I open my mind, would you open yours too?”

His dark eyes poured into hers.

“Yes.”

She considered all the thoughts she had never shared: the grief that threatened to consume her whole, the loneliness that was pulling her down like a stone. What would Sevik think when she saw such things? Her drunken encounters in bars, the half-remembered hazy comfort she had found in pilot seats and cargo holds. Of dim back rooms and hot sheds in the middle of fields. Would he still think she was perfect when he saw the things she thought about him? Of the heft of the want she carried day in and day out.

Could Juniper live with herself if another person saw her soul, bare and raw?

Juniper cleared her throat and sat up straight, her hands resting flat on her thighs.

“Okay, I’m ready.”

They were already close. Their knees bumped together as Sevik leaned in, his fingers sliding across her cheek. His hand resisted in a familiar way that made her chest ache. Anticipation mixed with nerves and she pressed a hand to his wrist, not pushing it away but holding it close.

“My mind to your mind.” Sevik’s voice was low, almost like a chant. She was caught in the depths of his eyes again, lost in the darkness of them and didn’t care to claw out of them. “My thoughts to your thoughts.”

And just like the first time he’d touched her, their minds which had been separate entities, were now one.

Chapter Text

She was in the turbolift looking at a very angry Vavi. Juniper could feel her own frustrations bubbling in her throat. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair.

“You don’t have to know where I am every minute of every day, you're not my mother.”

Vavi’s face twisted into a sneer. Her auburn hair was washed out by the overhead lights and she looked nothing like the friend that had worked in the engine hatch with her on the Val Jean.

“Maybe you wouldn’t act this way if you had one.”

Just as she had the moment it happened, Vavi hit the control panel and marched into the hallway only this time Juniper wasn’t alone. She could feel Sevik at her back, watching the memory, feeling the emotion caught up in her chest. She tried to stifle it, to wear a brave face, but it was impossible. They were watching a memory, she couldn’t change how it had happened or how it made her feel. The air in the turbolift was too cold and her body still ached from the week of activity. It was all on display and there was nothing she could do to hide it. Panic piled on top of the old emotions.

Sevik’s mind had not felt like this before. It had been hazy and warm, now it was a surveillance camera at the back of her mind, watching everything in painful detail.

Something comforting touched her mind, like a hand on her shoulder.

As if changing the frequency on a radio the scene clicked back years, decades, until Juniper was sitting on her knees in front of a worn photo of her mother. It sat on the windowsill of their colony home housed in a chipped wooden frame. There were creases in the paper from where it had been carried in pockets over the years but was now flattened out and set in a place of honor. Her father was cooking a stew a few feet away at a small stove.

“Tell me about her,” she asked, her voice small and childlike.

Her father peered over his shoulder at her. He did not wear the same weariness he would in his final years. Life had not hurt him that badly yet. He smiled at her and pulled the pot from the stove. He ladled out heaps of seasoned vegetables and chunks of meat. Without a word Juniper jumped to her seat at the small round table and watched her father expectantly.

He made a grand show of sitting down and pressing a napkin into the collar of his shirt, making her wait. He gave her a knowing look before finally speaking.
“She was a lot like you,” he said. “You have her hair and her nose.”

He tapped her nose with the handle of his fork. Juniper erupted into giggles, the joy of the memory overriding everything else.

“If she was here she’d love you just as much as I do,” her father said.

“I wish she was here,” Juniper said, looking down at her stew. “I wish I had known her.”

The empty spot in her heart ached. As a child she had felt an immense void where her mother ought to be. She thought she’d healed it over but Vavi had picked at its scab and now it was raw and bleeding all over again. Grief began to tighten her throat.

“You did know her.” Her father’s voice brought her back. She didn’t remember this moment, not entirely. “She carried you in her belly and now you carry her in you. She’s in your blood. Her stubbornness, her wit: it’s all there.”

Her own mind shifted, blinking between this soft moment of her father and a dark night. Eventually the darkness overrode everything and they were outside, holding their breath in a cold night as a soft rain began to pebble the colony. Her back was pressed against the stone wall of a neighbor’s house, their own home had been ransacked the second the Cardassians had landed.

“I don’t understand.” She sounded so young, she couldn’t believe it was her own voice.

“Go to the radio at the edge of town. Call the Federation, tell them we need help right now,” her father said. She hesitated, her body paralyzed with fear. He clasped her face in his hands; they were muddy and damp and smeared dirt on her face. “Be brave, Juniper.”

Like pulling herself from deep mud, she urged her body to move. Her father was standing tall despite his fear and she would have to do the same.

She ran straight for the radio hut and never looked back. She wanted to turn, to see what had happened to him but on that night so long ago she never did. She would never know.

It wouldn’t be until later, after limping into town with her back in shreds, would she find her father’s jacket in the mud with half dried blood on the leather.

She felt Sevik at her back again and their minds’ radio switched once again.

Juniper was not in the pilot’s seat this time, instead she stood at the outskirts of the memory looking in but feeling it just the same. They were in a small courtyard in the middle of a house. It had no plants, only sand, rocks and smooth stepping stones. The air was hazy and when she peered up at the sky it was a brilliant red as if from a dream.

Standing in the middle of the courtyard was a young Vulcan boy. It was Sevik. He wore dark gray robes that were tailored specifically to him. He was gazing at the sky like she had been just a few moments earlier. She could feel the wonder in his mind, the want for something outside of the small claustrophobic courtyard.

A door slid open and a woman stepped out, her lean body dripping in purple fabric. Her dark hair was piled in a neat knot on her head and she held herself like a painting, straight and regal in a way that Juniper was sure could never be replicated.

“Sevik,” the woman’s voice held no emotion but Juniper could feel the young boy tense up in fear anyway.

“Mother,” he said, turning to greet the woman.

“You have received another complaint from school.”

“Yes.”

“Are you aware of the expectations of classes?”

“Yes.”

“Then explain why you keep collecting infractions.”

Her throat felt thick as if she was the one trying to answer.

“I…” the boy faltered. It was difficult but he kept his eyes meeting his mother’s. “I am trying.”

“And yet you continue to fail.”

Fail. The word echoed through their minds. It rattled around her skull and sank into the depths of her stomach. It was the worst possible thing to hear. She wanted to crawl into the crimson sand of the courtyard and never be seen again.

“I do.”

“You will stay here and practice clearing your mind,” the woman announced.

“Yes, mother.”

She left and the boy was alone. Sadness threatened to drown him but he managed to fight back the tears. It was a victory but a small one.

The radio crackled and suddenly she was knee deep in crimson sand. Heat beat at her back, unrelenting and suffocating. Before her a small boy wrapped up in white robes struggled through the sand towards a small crop of rocks. Without any warning a wild animal with long sharp fangs sprang from the stones’ shadows and knocked the boy into the sand. Its large paws tore at his shoulders and its mouth leaned down to snap at his face. Juniper lurched forward only to find she was worthless in this memory. She had never been to this desert and she was not there to help young Sevik when the animal tore a gash in his face.

A bout of static shot through the connection. Sevik, beaten and bloody, sat perched on the edge of a chair while a man—Sevik’s father—examined the fresh stitches in his lip. Dried green blood stained his white robes.

“It will scar,” the man said unceremoniously.

She could not shake the profound feeling of failure that sank deep into her stomach.

The radio snapped and she was standing inside a grand house. It was a large room with little furniture but many windows opened to let in warm light. Everything seemed to be made of polished red stone, even the floor. Pillows were set in two neat lines and a Vulcan was seated on each one.

On one side was Sevik and his parents, the other held two adults and a young girl. Juniper sat down beside young Sevik, listening to the conversation.

“As you may know already T’sra is not expected to live long,” the girl’s father said matter-of-factly. His green robes were faded at the shoulders and his dark hair was gray at his temples. “Many do not find her a suitable match because of this.”

“I am aware of her illness,” Sevik’s mother said. “As you may be aware of Sevik’s reputation.”

“It does precede him.”

Sevik’s hands curled into his tunic beside her. She could feel the frustration right beneath the surface despite his face remaining still. The girl across from him seemed unfazed, used to people discussing her death often.

“This is not a desirable match but it is a logical one.”

The memory skipped and suddenly it was late evening and Sevik was alone with his father.

“If it is not desirable why must I go through with it?” Sevik asked.

“T’sra’s mother is on the acceptance council for the Vulcan Science Academy,” his father said as if that was all that needed to be said.

The words cut like a knife and Juniper could feel the effort it took for Sevik to speak his next words without hinting at the storm brewing.

“I am capable of being accepted on my own merit.”

“Sevik, skill alone is not enough. One must also be in control.” Sevik’s father looked remarkably like his son except everything seemed slightly more severe. His hair was cut at a harder angle, his nose was a harsh line and his lip did not have the scar that bisected Sevik’s. If Juniper had thought Sevik was carved from stone his father was chiseled from diamond.

“Humans study science all the time, no one controls them.”

“You are not human and they do not let them into the Academy. That is a place for logic only and if you would like to attend you will accept this betrothal.”

Suspicion stirred in her stomach.

“What do they get in return?”

His father hesitated but continued.

“I will offer my skills as a physician to help T’sra’s condition.”

“I thought her illness had no cure.”

“It does not.”

“Then why have you agreed to this exchange?”

His father’s face never changed.

“Because it is logical for my family and my son.”

The radio switched and Sevik, now a young man, stood in the foyer of the house with a letter in his hands. It was his acceptance to the VSA but there was no pride or happiness, not because of Vulcan control but because of the bitterness of knowing it wasn’t true. That he had looked T'sra’s mother in the face, knowing his father had lied to her, and taken what little she could give.

He was alone often during this time. His parents were not home so he found himself wandering the house at night completely alone. A human might find those nights hard but to Sevik it was a respite.

He stood in front of a mirror examining the healed scar tugging at his lip. He pressed his finger to it, feeling the rough skin. Slowly his fingertip drifted to the edge of his mouth and pushed the corner of his lip up. He bared his teeth at his reflection trying to emulate the smiles of the humans he’d seen in his studies. It didn’t look right on his face. There was something he couldn’t quite capture no matter how hard he tried.

The radio clicked again. Juniper sat on the stone floor watching Sevik and T'sra meditate. An amber lamp gave off little light and incense filled the air. T'sra had her eyes closed, a neutral expression on her face, while Sevik kept glancing over at her.

“Your mind is wandering, friend,” she said. Sevik squeezed eyes closed hard. They stayed like that for a few long moments, breathing slowly and quietly.

“I heard your mother say something when I arrived,” T'sra said without opening her eyes. Sevik could not resist the pull and looked at her, his meditation forgotten. “She was speaking to your father, I was not the intended audience.”

Sevik opened his mouth but T'sra interrupted before he could speak.

“Do not apologize on her behalf when you do not know what she said.”

He fell silent.

“She said that it was fortunate that we are joined and that together we might truly live long and prosper.”

For a moment Juniper thought Sevik’s mother had been honestly kind. She seemed like a severe woman but even strict Vulcan women must have kind thoughts. The idea was shattered as T'sra opened her eyes and turned her deep brown gaze on Sevik.

“That I might prosper and you might live a long life.”

Juniper felt the pain that speared Sevik straight through his chest. It was anger: pure and hot.

He didn’t hesitate. He was on his feet in a second and swept from the room. Juniper followed him through the neat corridor to a small office. Inside his mother was reading a book and looked unfazed as he barreled into the room.

“Have you come to bluster at me again, my son?” she asked, emotionless.

“You cannot say such things where T'sra can hear you,” he said, his voice sounding very sharp. “I know very well what you think of me but you don’t need to insult her too.”

“It is not an insult but a fact. She will not live long and from what we have seen of your performance thus far you have little chance of succeeding,” his mother said, leaning back into her chair to return to her book. “It is a shame. T'sra could have achieved so much.”

It felt like a slap on an already bruised cheek. Another lash against a pain numbed back. She wondered just how many of these verbal jabs Sevik had felt and it was clear from the memories her mind could touch they were many.

The radio clicked.

Sevik stood in a simple but ornate office. Stone walls but nothing hanging on them. Marble desks but no decorations. He stood not in finery but in a simple tunic with dust clinging to the hem of his trousers.

“I would like my acceptance to be reviewed.”

T'sra’s mother had a hard look on her face but said nothing.

“Is there a reason for this request?” the head of the council, an older man, asked.

“I would like to repeat the approval process but without certain outside factors,” Sevik said, his dark eyes falling on his future mother-in-law. The woman did not shrink under his gaze but held it.

“That can be arranged,” she said before turning to the head of the council. “It was my understanding, Director, that you had hesitations about admitting Sevik?”

“I did. Your records show many bursts of emotion. I would say that your presence and demands today are uncomely.”

“And my exam scores?” Sevik insisted.

“Your scores are almost perfect,” the Director said, looking at another file. “Particularly the area of biology. You are a bright student, but after seeing your performance at the Academy it seems your aptitude test may not have captured the whole truth about your emotional state.”

“Why does aptitude matter when I have perfected the skills needed to study?”

“Emotional control is a vital skill. Vulcan does not need unruly scientists, nor rude scholars.”

Sevik’s fingers curled into a fist at his side and he quickly unrolled them again, stretching the knuckles out to the point of pain. His jaw flexed as he clenched and unclenched the muscle.

“Would you admit me to the Vulcan Science Academy now, knowing what you do?”

“No, I would not.”

It was like a knife into the gut. Like the teeth of a vicious animal gnawing into the flesh of his face only this wound felt like it would never scar over but bleed and ooze forever.

“Thank you Director, I would like to drop my enrollment.”

“Sevik—” T'sra’s mother began to speak but Sevik was already walking through the door.

The radio clicked. Sevik sat on a metal bench in a large waiting area with a bag at his feet. A screen above him read the times shuttles and ships were coming to the transfer station. An Earth vessel would be arriving in twenty minutes.

He was not alone. T'sra sat beside him. She wore a light yellow dress and head covering. Her cheeks were sunken in, dark shadows spread under her eyes and she looked strangely pale.

“I will not change my mind,” Sevik said.

“You are being illogical,” T'sra said, her voice hoarse. “My family has done nothing but support your career and you threw it away for pride.”

“What do you want from me?”

“You should stay here and attend the Academy and live your life as you planned. Running away to Starfleet will not solve any problems.”

“And what is my problem?” he turned to her, a bold confrontation. T'sra didn’t waver.

“Emotion.” They stared at each other for a long moment. Juniper thought Sevik would have a retort but he didn’t. She had spoken the truth and he knew it. Eventually, T'sra reached out and touched the side of the bench on his side. Green veins were visible through the thin skin on the back of her hand. “There are places on Vulcan that can help you. Physicians and—”

“No.” Sevik stood moving away from her. “Thank you for your input, but I have made my choice.”

T'sra looked up at him.

“This is unfortunate.”

Sevik’s jaw flexed.

“I thought you of all people would understand my position.”

“Then we have severely misunderstood one another,” T'sra said. She stood and she looked like a breeze might knock her over. She gave Sevik a small nod of her head. “Goodbye Sevik.”

It was heartbreak that was blooming in his chest but he didn’t have the name for it yet. He wouldn’t read about it until his second year on Earth and he wouldn’t label this moment with it until years after that.

“Goodbye T'sra.”

The radio dial turned.

The sky above was blue like on Volan II but that is where the commonalities stopped. There were buildings everywhere, crowded together and reaching towards the sky. People filled courtyards and sidewalks, sitting on the grass and talking with one another. It was sunny and bright like a postcard.

Sevik stood at the edge of a large body of water. An enormous bridge connected the piece of land he was on with the other side. It looked old but not rundown. Sevik turned his attention to the water. There was so much of it. There was never this much water in one place on Vulcan. Boats traveled across its surface, cutting lines across the calm blue and leaving ripples in their wakes.

Despite the chill in the air that made him wear an extra layer under his cadet uniform he enjoyed Earth. Humans in San Francisco were used to meeting Vulcans on a regular basis and no one ever commented on his emotional control. He stayed away from the Vulcan student association and the Vulcan chess club. It wasn’t quite a fear but a worry that if he spent too much time with another Vulcan that they would see through him like everyone else had.

T’sra had died a week ago. Her family had requested he not return home for any ceremony or grieving but to do it on Earth. They had cited the importance of attending classes but he knew their true meaning.

Click.

The Federation handbook is opened on his desk. He has read through it twice already but this time he is taking notes on his PADD as he goes. He does not want to violate any rules and is determined to memorize the entire thing, even the sections that do not apply to him. None of the rules mention behavior or emotion beyond keeping other crewmen safe.

For the first time in his life perfection seems attainable.

Click.

Sevik graduated but no one travels to Earth to watch the ceremony. He did not expect anyone to.

He quietly went to his dorm and gathered his belongings. His human roommate went out with his family and will not clean his side until the morning. Sevik turned in his keycard and headed straight to the main office to attain his first ship assignment.

On the way across campus he ran into a group of Vulcans. They had changed out of their cadet uniforms into traditional robes and while they did not cheer or drink like the humans it was clear they were celebrating their achievement in the way his people usually did.

Sevik held his bag tighter to his side as he passed them. They said nothing to one another but he could feel their eyes on him. He wondered what they saw.

When he arrived at the office they told him he had not received an assignment and they would contact him when they did. It would be months before he received one. He tried not to take it as a personal failing but it certainly felt like one.

Click.

The Starfleet secretary tapped through various screens. Her nails were painted and long.

“You are out of dress code,” Sevik mentioned.

“Hm?” the woman looked at him over her glasses.

“Long nails are not permitted in Starfleet.”

“Not on ships, but here on Earth we’re a little more lax,” she said with a wink. Sevik looked around the office as she went through more files. He didn’t see any other people out of regulation. He’d already spent seven years on various Galaxy class ships and everyone always remained within code. He did not realize there was any difference in rules depending on the atmosphere.

“Okay, here it says you’ve been assigned to Voyager,” the woman said with a smile. “Oh, but there is a note.”

She squinted at the screen.

“It seems a few officers have concerns over some of your old records from the VSA and they have requested you serve the night shift. Is that alright with you, honey?”

Sevik blinked. He knew they had access to his previous records but he didn’t think they’d request them. He did not believe his previous ships had looked through his records quite so deeply. He thought he’d been able to start fresh without Vulcan following him, but it seemed he could not outrun it. He swallowed back his disappointment.

“My name is not honey.”

Her face fell.

“Apologies, sir,” she said. “Do you accept this assignment?”

Sevik tried to think of the breeze across the San Francisco bay. How the bridge across it had stayed tall without crumbling for hundreds of years.

He didn’t enjoy conversing with others anyway. This would be for the best.

“I accept.”

Click.

His lab was a safe haven. Inside of it everyone had to obey the same rules with no exceptions. Sevik had already made one Ensign cry before they were thrown into the Delta Quadrant and they were certainly not going to be the last one.

He focused on his plants, on his studies, on the rules. He was looking forward to the long journey home. It would give him time to think.

His routine was disrupted by the Maquis woman.

When he’d first walked into the recreational room to find it preoccupied he thought it would take a simple reminder to reclaim the space. He had been severely mistaken.

She was brash, rude, and petty. Her voice was louder than most and she didn’t seem to care when she broke rules. She had no control over her emotions or her words whatsoever. She seemed to say whatever came to her mind.

Hate is a strong word for a Vulcan but he was sure he felt it.

Click.

On the holodeck she screamed at him despite his explanations on how his lesson would work. She cried and screamed and tossed her badge across the floor like an unruly child. She yelled and yelled and he could only think how volatile and awful humans were to behave in such a way.

“You will not be allowed back into the ship until you are in control of yourself.” His voice was nearly robotic. The perfect encapsulation of what a Vulcan should be: a calm in the midst of a storm.

Juniper Dart slapped him and when she did he saw everything. The pain and frustration at her own inability to behave. Trauma he could not begin to understand peeling away at control as if it were old flaking paint.

Old feelings he thought he’d buried rose to the surface and suddenly he was choking on them.

“Control yourself.” It was his mother’s voice and then his father’s and then every Vulcan he’d ever disappointed. Every teacher and professor. It was T’sra in her yellow dress, sickly and still healthier than him.

Click.

She was a frustrating human but she did not anger him like she had when they first met. She was still too loud and asked too many questions.

He visited the party on the holodeck, which was not required as Wallace had led him to believe, and he found himself drawn to her. It was not a passing interest that someone might have in a book or a research subject, but something deeper.

She was intoxicated and for some reason he didn’t trust her roommates or anyone else to escort her to her room. It had to be him: he was one of the more responsible of the crew despite his past.

Juniper was easy to carry physically but his mind was short circuiting. He should not be so familiar with her. He should not think of her in the way his mind begged him to.

And when she pressed her hand to his side to feel his heart he was sure she’d feel everything he was attempting to hide. He didn’t move away but let her fingers press against his side. He liked how wild his heartbeat became under her hand, as if by touch alone she had released the thin control he had over himself.

Click.

Chapter Text

It took a long moment to realize Sevik had dropped their connection. The warmth of his thoughts slid right into the touch of his hand at the back of her neck, his skin reflecting the same temperature as her own. His face was right in front of hers, his breath gliding across her lips as he breathed.

“Why’d you stop?” she asked, still reeling from their connection.

“It has taken more energy than I thought.” His brow was coated in sweat. He was clearly exhausted but she couldn’t help the want in her chest. She was greedy to know more of his thoughts, to see his life as he saw it and understand it.

“I want to see more.”

“I will give it to you,” his voice was a rough whisper. She noticed his other hand was on her waist. Their bodies had moved closer during the meld. “But I need time.”

“Sorry.” It was hard to hide her disappointment but she didn’t want to push him to the point of exhaustion. Mind melds must be similar to any kind of activity, too much of it can cause strain.

“I should apologize. I said I’d calm your mind but I have excited it,” he said.

Juniper smiled. Her hand slipped to his side and pressed against the dark fabric of his uniform. She could feel the hum of his heart under her fingertips. Sevik dropped his forehead against hers. His eyes were squeezed shut but his hand still lingered on her neck.

“It’s alright. I like this way more.”

She wasn’t lying. Everything made sense. She was heartbroken that Sevik’s family had treated him in such a way and that he did not seem to have anyone on his side, but she was also completely prepared to be that person. She knew it was childish to focus on but she kept replaying the memory in her head of her hand touching his side the night of the party. He had enjoyed it. She wanted to know what else he enjoyed. She wanted to live inside his thoughts and let their memories swish back and forth like waves until they were so tangled they could never be separated.

His fingers rubbed the back of her neck, massaging the muscle there.

“Explain.”

“Explain what?” she asked.

“This feeling you’re having. I don’t recognize it.”

“I thought you were tired.”

“I am.”

“I don’t know if I can put it into words. You were supposed to look around my head and tell me,” Juniper said.

“You insisted on rummaging through memories.”

“I did that?” Juniper asked.

“I assisted, but you led the experience.”

Juniper rolled that around her mind. She didn’t realize she could have any sway over how a mind meld went. She thought it was entirely under Sevik’s control.

“How is that possible? I don’t have any abilities. I can’t even control my own mind.”

Sevik hesitated. He pulled back until they were both sitting up but with their arms still wrapped around one another in a way that could only be described as intimate.

“I let you.”

“Let me?”

“I gave you control.”

“Why would you do that?” Juniper laughed. No one trusted her with anything, why would someone give over their memory and mind to her? She was barely left alone with her thoughts.

“Because you are here,” Sevik said. His hand moved from her neck to caress her cheek. “You have seen the corners of my mind, saw me through my worst time, and you are still here.”

The sharp memory of T’sra in the shuttleport came to her. Even the person that was supposed to stay by his side disapproved. No one stayed. No one fought to keep him. No one wanted him and yet Juniper needed Sevik more than air.

“I’ll always be here.” She said it as if it was an easy thing to promise. As if she had ever stayed in one place, or with one person, long enough to warrant such a vow. Juniper Dart did not have a history of loyalty but she was willing to change. “As long as you want me to be.”

“I will always want you by my side,” Sevik said.

She went lightheaded. Something was blooming in her chest she couldn’t quite describe. A warmness that flooded her limbs and curled up her spine sending a shiver through her bones. Sevik’s embrace grew tighter around her.

“Humans are so emotive even their blood shows feeling,” Sevik said, his fingers brushing against her warm cheeks which of course only made her entire face burn hotter. Then, as if they were talking about the weather and not deep seated desires, Sevik turned to the clock. “It is late. You will not get the required number of hours for proper rest if you do not sleep soon.”

“How am I supposed to sleep when you’re here?” Juniper said.

“I will not be distracting you,” Sevik said. He slipped out of their embrace and went to the closet.

“What if I want to be distracted?” Juniper asked as he grabbed Starfleet standard pajamas out of the closet and brought them back to her. She sat on the edge of the bed, reluctant to give into Federation mandated sleep hours. Sevik laid the clothes on the bed next to her.

“Apologies. Let me correct myself. I will not be distracting you tonight,” he said before disappearing into the bathroom.

An electric current ran all the way through her body. She was dreaming. She must be. Juniper swung out of bed, pacing up and down the room touching as many objects as she could. She pinched her arm and went as far as stepping into the hallway to take in a breath of cold recycled corridor air before coming back inside.

This was real. Sevik was here with her, not because of a hormonal urge or contract, but because he wanted to be. He was physically here because of a rooming error, but his touch… the memory of it made her shiver.

She didn’t know what to do with herself. She’d never felt this way before in her life. Sure, she had anticipation when she knew Ra’kin was coming to Volan II, or the hunger in her belly when she met eyes with some pilot across the bar but this… This was something new.

How would she know she was doing it right?

Sevik stepped back into the room dressed in gray Starfleet pajamas.

“You did not change,” he said.

Juniper looked down at herself still in full work uniform.

“I got distracted.” It wasn’t a lie, that was for sure.

“You are talented at finding distractions,” Sevik said as he grabbed her pajamas from the edge of the bed and brought them to her. “I have observed it many times in my lab.”

“Are you saying you find my work unsatisfactory?”

“Not at all. Your methods, however, are inefficient,” he said. His fingers hovered between them as if he might grab the zipper at the front of her uniform. “Do you require assistance?”

A flame engulfed her mind. She wanted nothing more in that moment, but she also knew it was getting late and she’d already exhausted him with their meld.

“What happened to getting the required hours of sleep?”

“As I stated before, I do not plan on being a distraction.”

“Just tonight though, right?” Juniper felt a smile touch her lips she couldn’t shake. Like a child who knows presents are waiting for them in the morning.

“After that, I am at your service.” His voice made another flush of heat roll through her body.

Despite herself, Juniper thought of the end. When the sweet words would end and she’d be left alone again. When he’d turn on her like Vavi and Ra’kin. Leave her like parents. Become something recognizable but untouchable like Chakotay. They change and leave and she stays the same. Stunted. Alone.

Sevik couldn’t leave her, not here in the Delta Quadrant. Even if feelings changed he still had a need every seven years. It was an ugly thought, one that made her feel hollow inside for taking comfort in. He’d need her so it was okay for her to need him.

She changed into her pajamas and joined Sevik in bed. He turned off the lights and in the dark quiet of the room she felt his arm slip around her waist, holding her close against him. She placed her hand on his, insistent that his fingers not move from their embrace during the night.

She closed her eyes and as the minutes ticked by she drifted closer and closer to sleep. Just as it was about to pull her down into the inky blackness of sleep, Sevik whispered against her ear. She couldn’t be certain if it was truly spoken or the beginning thread of a dream. As much as she tried to hold onto the words they vanished from her grasp like smoke.

“It is time to wake up.”

Juniper rubbed the sleep from her eyes to stare up at Sevik leaning over her. He was already dressed in his uniform and seemed completely unaffected by the early hour.

“Two more minutes,” Juniper whined, pulling the blanket over her head.

“Incorrect, the time is now.”

It took a lot of effort but eventually Juniper pulled herself out of bed and dragged herself to the bathroom. It took a full shower cycle for her to start to come alive. She’s slept harder than she thought possible and it was like fighting molasses to wake up. She brushed her hair and put on her uniform, the yellow across her shoulders looking too bright for the hour, and returned to the main room.

Sevik was sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes closed in meditation. She didn’t want to disturb his routine and quickly found he’d replicated breakfast and set it on the small round table in the corner. Juniper took a seat and dug in. Pancakes topped with blueberries, a very human meal. She ate with renewed vigor. She’d neglected her stomach since the end of Sevik’s pon farr and was prepared to remedy it.

Sevik quietly ended his meditation and came to join her at the table.

“Are you eating?” Juniper asked.

“I have already had my morning meal.”

“Thank you for getting me this, it’s delicious,” Juniper smiled. “I was not looking forward to Neelix’s cooking or facing the galley.”

“Why would you need to go to the galley when you have a replicator in your room?”

“Tuvok revoked my rations again,” she said with an eye roll her father would have definitely chastised her for.

“For what?”

Her mouth opened, about to spill out the information, but paused. She’d explicitly ignored Tuvok’s instructions, earning a demerit and a month long ration punishment. However, she didn’t know if she felt comfortable telling Sevik exactly what orders she had ignored. After seeing inside his head and at how Vulcans back on his home planet treated him she wasn’t sure she wanted to expose him to more scrutiny, especially when Tuvok’s worries carried no weight. There was never a moment where Juniper regretted betrayed the Lieutenant Commander’s order and she stood by it.

“I looked at him wrong,” she laughed. Sevik did not.

“That is not the true reason.”

Her smile dropped and she turned her gaze to her plate where she was pushing a blueberry around a pool of syrup with her fork. She wished she could stay in this room with Sevik forever. When they were together all their problems seemed to float away. They could handle anything together alone, but when they were outside with the rest of the crew that’s when they had trouble.

“He gave me an order. I ignored it.”

There was a long pause where the only sound was the scrape of her fork against the plate.

“It was about me.”

“Yes.” The word hurt, as if the syllable was made of blades that cut her throat as she spoke it.

Sevik let out a breath and closed his eyes. If he were human he’d look calm but being the Vulcan he was she knew that he was anything but.

“Please tell me what he instructed.”

“Wow, look at the time.” Juniper dropped her fork and jumped up from her seat. “We don’t want to be late, you might have to give yourself a demerit.”

Surprisingly, Juniper set right to work once they entered the lab. The gentle feeling from the night before had been overshadowed by the dark cloud hanging over Sevik. He sat at his lab table, examining the backlog samples taken while they were locked away for a week, but it was clear his mind was other places.

Juniper crawled up to the top of the greenhouse, inspecting the already welded joints for any cracks. Everything was in working order but she knew if she stayed within eyeshot of Sevik she’d spill the beans. It was clear he had experienced enough harsh honesty in his life, she could do him this one kindness.

Her mind wandered. She thought about Vavi. She had not seen her since the lift incident and she was wondering if she’d ever be able to see her again without a rush of emotions choking her. Vavi’s parents were still on Bajor, having survived the occupation. She spoke of them often. When Juniper had been new and raw on the Val Jean they had sat together in the Engineering bay speaking under the hum of the warp core while others slept.

That’s when she told her about Volan II. About her father, and about the mother she had never truly known. Vavi had never said anything cruel about her parentage before and it hurt to know that this insult was brewing just under the surface for this long.

“Didn’t your father teach you not to take drinks from strangers?”

Juniper had been completely smashed after a station pitstop. She’d taken some green drink from a Bolian. She hadn’t realized that Bolians, while generous lovers, also left humans with some lingering side effects. Her stomach felt like it was trying to climb out of her throat and her entire body ached as if she’d run a marathon.

“I’m sorry, Vavi.” Was all she’d said. It was all she ever said. Vavi was more worldly than her. She’d seen the stars and what the galaxy could offer. Everything was still new to Juniper. She was a child trying to take everything in, even the dangers.

Juniper doubted her mother or father would have known what a Bolian was anyway.

The door to the lab slid open. Juniper peeked over the edge of the greenhouse only to see Lieutenant Jason Wallace in the doorway. She ducked under the edge of the metal framing, hidden to the rest of the room.

“Ensign Sevik.” Wallace’s accent rounded out all the vowels making the Vulcan name sound completely different.

“Lieutenant Wallace.”

“Is Crewman Dart here?”

“She is busy.”

Wallace let out a sigh. “Do you have a second?”

“I assume you will need more than a single second.” Juniper shoved her hand between her teeth to stifle a laugh.

“Of course,” Wallace gave a nervous laugh. “Has Dart talked to you at all?”

“Dart and I have conversed recently.”

“God, sorry, I mean… It is my understanding that the two of you are close. Has she spoken about Vavi at all?”

Sevik hesitated.

“Yes.”

“What has she told you?”

“It would be considered inappropriate to discuss a private conversation.”

Wallace sighed again. Juniper crept closer to the edge of the greenhouse and peeked over its framing. Sevik was seated at his desk as usual and Wallace was leaning heavily on the station. He was unshaved and looked tired.

“They need to make up. This has gone on long enough,” Wallace said, shaking his head.

Juniper, unable to stop herself, popped out of her hiding spot.

“Then tell her to apologize!”

Wallace’s gaze snapped up to her.

“She’s not the only one that needs to apologize, Juniper,” Wallace said. “You’ve hurt her feelings too and I think it would mean a lot to her for you to admit that.”

Anger flared in her gut.

“Isn’t this a conflict of interest? My boss demanding I apologize to his girlfriend?”

“And sleeping with your lab manager isn’t?” Wallace snapped back.

Sevik stood up and rounded the desk to stand between the Lieutenant and the greenhouse. He was larger than Wallace and undoubtedly stronger.

“Lieutenant, you may leave now.”

Wallace stared at him for a second, as if he might protest, but everyone knew that Sevik was the captain of his lab no matter who he was talking to. He looked back up at Juniper.

“Just think about it.”

Wallace left, leaving the lab colder than before. Inside, however, Juniper was in flames.

“I hate Starfleet,” Juniper yelled, tossing a spanner across the greenhouse’s roof. “They’re all a bunch of hypocrites.”

“A generalization,” Sevik corrected her.

Anger flooded her veins. She was sick of Wallace and of what Vavi had become. She was tired of being stuck on Voyager in this godforsaken quadrant. She was tired of rules and of plain black uniforms where everyone was neatly color coded. She wanted freedom, she wanted to breathe and not be questioned about it. She wanted it for herself but Sevik as well.

She swung down the ladder of the greenhouse, taking the rungs two a time and nearly slipping in the process.

“You could injure yourself,” Sevik said, coming to meet her at the ground. “You must move slower.”

“You know Starfleet is corrupt” She was out of breath, her hands shaking from the emotion drowning her brain. She should keep this to herself, she shouldn’t fan the flames, but she couldn’t help herself. “The whole Federation is.”

“You are upset.”

“No shit, Sevik.”

“Take a seat.”

“I don’t want to. I want to be upset.”

“You are burning energy for no reason other than stubbornness.”

Juniper looked at him, certain he would understand her plight. She had seen inside his mind the night before, had seen the struggle within his heart. Could he not emphasize enough to see how righteous her anger was? Or was that the issue with Vulcans? They had all these emotions but no empathy to place them.

“Do you want to know what Tuvok said?”

She could feel the wrongness of the offer curling in her stomach but her frustration overwhelmed it. His eyes narrowed, as if searching her face for something.

“You are demonstrating the symptoms of anger. I do not believe it is wise to make this decision while—”

“Do you want to know?” Juniper cut him off. His usually cool eyes flashed and she could see that deep down, he did want to know. She closed the distance between them. “We both know I wouldn’t be able to hide it.”

She took his hands, running her fingers along the underside of his wrists. She wanted him to see Starfleet for what it was. She wanted him just as angry as she was. He flexed his hands, closing his fingers into fists to keep from seeking her psi points.

“Come on, Sevik,” she whispered. “Take it.”

“Do not tempt me with an emotion I am unequipped to handle,” he stuttered out.

“You wanted to know! Now’s your chance.”

“Crewman, your conduct is unfit,” Sevik said, his voice desperately trying to cling to the neutral tone of a Vulcan. “If you do not stop I will be forced to issue a demerit.”

Juniper froze.

“You’d do that?” She hated how hurt she sounded. She was a child again, reprimanded for not playing nice.

Sevik worked his wrists out of her hands and gently took her shoulders. He guided her to the stool at his station and sat her down on it. She felt numb, her rush of emotion quenched by a single threat. It made her chest feel tight. Sevik leaned against his desk, his hands curled into fists pressed against the surface. It was a long moment before he spoke.

“You cannot let them do that to you.”

“Do what?”

“They want you to be upset,” Sevik said. “If you are not collected and calm you look like you are in the wrong. No matter how righteous the anger you may be feeling is, others will always judge you for it.”

“You said you were going to help me,” Juniper said weakly, still hurt by his threat. Tuvok could give her as many demerits as he wanted but ones from Sevik hurt.

“I intend to,” he said immediately. He turned away from his desk to focus on Juniper. “I think while we both have issues with emotions and together we can control them.”

Juniper gave him a small smile. The thought of working together made her chest lose the tight anxious feeling it had been holding on to.

Sevik cleared his throat.

“And I think the best way to do it is to form a steady, permanent bond.”

Juniper cocked her head to the side. It was clear Sevik was choosing his words wisely, even more so than usual, but where he was going with this she was still unsure.

“Like what?” she asked.

“A marriage.”

Chapter Text

When Juniper was a child, she attended many weddings on Volan II. Her father would scrub her face and make her dress in her “best” clothing. To him her best was a yellow dress that she had outgrown many years before instead of the sturdy play clothes she usually wore. They’d walk over to the edge of the colony where little benches were set up for story times and entertainment and sit among the other children cramped or swamped in their wrongly sized “best” clothing. They’d watch two people, usually young barely out of school, blush and make eyes at one another. They always wore white, even if the fabric was hard to come by. The traders that came by, namely Ra’kin’s dad, always sold the bleached fabric for a premium because he knew the humans would pay dearly for it.

They would exchange flowery words and kiss and then all the children would get candy and the adults would drink late into the night.

She also knew that late at night, after these ceremonies had wrapped up, her father would sob quietly in his bed thinking she couldn’t hear him.

Marriages seemed to bring happiness and yet so much grief as well.

“Marriage?” She repeated the word. It felt heavy and wrong on her tongue.

“Do you object to it?”

“I… I am not sure.” Juniper was being honest; she did not know what to think of the offer yet. She had been so desperate for Sevik’s closeness, to the point of tears without him. Was that love or desperation? Did a Vulcan even care what love was?

Sevik leaned closer, his hand on the station but not touching her skin.

“I do not need an answer today, we can discuss this further. I understand there are a few differences to the meaning of the word between our worlds and I wouldn’t want you to agree to something you don’t truly understand.”

“Then explain it to me.” Her heart felt raw and open. She’d avoided thinking about what marriage and commitment meant for a long time and now she could run no further. If there was nowhere to hide, then she’d face it head on. It’d be easier to understand from Sevik’s lips anyway. A human would put too much emotion, too many flowery words and metaphors. Sevik would give her blueprints. “What does it mean to you?”

“It means intimacy,” Sevik said without missing a beat. “In every sense of the word. Physical closeness, but also mental. Emotional. Vulcans bond with their mates, their minds and thoughts forever connected. It would mean there could be no secrets, but also no miscommunication. I could help you contain your feelings and calm your anger. A bond could mean peace.”

Slowly, Sevik lifted his hand from the station and brought it to her cheek. His skin was cool without having been near hers since this morning, but she leaned into the touch anyway. His fingers danced over her cheekbone, caressing with a gentleness he usually reserved for his plants.

“It would also bring me great happiness.”

Juniper’s eyebrows shot up.

“Are you supposed to be seeking that out?”

“Someone has convinced me that some rules are meant to be broken.”

A smile crept across Juniper’s lips. “I think I have to give you a demerit.”

Sevik leaned in, closing the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers. It was a slow, chaste kiss. The kind she used to watch the settlers on Volan II share in their wedding finery. Sevik’s mouth lingered so long that by the time they parted his lips were as warm as her own.

Juniper took his hand in hers and pressed two fingers to his, mimicking the Vulcan kiss he had shown her. She felt a warm, fuzzy sensation at the back of her mind and just the tiniest hint of a grin on Sevik’s lips, only visible by the tightening of the scar that bisected them.

How can this man be so different yet exactly the same? She could have never imagined the grumpy Ensign in the rec room touching her tenderly, much less breaking a rule. Yet, it was so clear this was Sevik. The urge to break through had always been lurking underneath his Vulcan facade, it was only in these private moments did it truly show itself.

She thought of the memory he showed her: a young Sevik trying to mimic human smiles, pushing at his lips with his fingers. Did he practice this slight grin or is it more natural than either of them thought possible?

“Think on it. You can give me your answer tonight.”

Her heart leapt into her throat. She didn’t want him to walk away but she relaxed and let his hand slip from hers. He was right, as he was about most things, she needed to think on it. The only problem was when Juniper thought too hard about anything it always turned into a problem.

Juniper found an empty Jefferies tube between Sevik’s lab and their shared room and sat in the dimness by herself. A panel gently blinked a blue light every few seconds, bathing everything in azure for a moment before plunging it all back into the dark.

Marriage. To Sevik. The thought kept rolling around in her mind like a marble on the floor of a shitty cruiser going far too fast for its engine. She barely knew what to call what she had with Sevik right now.

She thought of Vavi with Wallace, of how much time they spent together and how often Vavi talked about him. Is what she had with Sevik the same as that? Was it the same feeling her father had when he married her mother?

She thought of a picture frame holding a faded picture of Sevik, her heart growing lonely as once again someone was torn from her. She quickly dismissed it. If either of them was going to die early, it’d be her. She smiled. At least she would finally be the one grieved instead of doing the grieving.

The thing is she didn’t want Sevik to grieve. She wanted him to be… content. She wanted to look into his mind more and have him look into hers. She wanted to be there every seven years.

She wanted to spend the rest of their rotten lives on Voyager together.

It was late when she emerged from the Jefferies tube and the day shift was already in full swing. Juniper stood in front of a turbolift door, jittery with excitement. How would she say it? Would she blurt it out? No, it should be slow. Should she write a letter?

Her heart overflowed. She’d never professed love to anyone, much less agree to marry someone. Maybe if she hurried, she could look at the Voyager databases to see human traditions. No… that would be all wrong. She was a human in name only, she was not of Earth and their traditions meant little to her. She’d tell Sevik the way he would appreciate it: simple and straightforward.

Juniper smiled to herself as she practiced saying it:

“Yes.”

The door to the turbolift opened and she took a step back to allow the crewmembers inside onto the floor. She stepped inside to find the last person she wanted to see.

Vavi stood by the control panel, watching her sheepishly.

“What floor?” she asked.

“Deck Nine.”

Vavi punched the button and the turbolift gently whooshed them up. Neither spoke but the air was thick.

“I’ve been looking for you,” Vavi said softly. “You moved out.”

“I know.”

Vavi turned, a hand resting on Juniper’s arm.

“I wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have said that to you, and I shouldn’t have sent Wallace to find you. I… I’ve thought of nothing else these past few days.” Juniper tried to hide her surprise. Was Vavi actually apologizing? “I tried talking to everyone, even Chakotay. There is a secret I am simply not privy to and from the way everyone has looked at me it was wrong to press you to reveal it.”

Something in Juniper’s chest released.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you,” she said, her voice cracking as tears pricked her eyes.

Vavi slipped her arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. The kind they used to share in the Engineering cove on the Val Jean when all they had was each other. Juniper slowly raised her arms around Vavi, pulling the woman tighter against her.

“I need you, Juni,” Vavi said, her words muffled by Juniper’s uniform. “I’m so sorry.”

They held each other even as the turbolift reached Deck Nine and the doors slid open. The doors slid closed again, waiting for them to make up their minds.

By the time they separated both women’s eyes were puffy and red, their cheeks streaked with tears.

“Will you move back,” Vavi asked, her voice weak from crying.

“I’m sorry. I’m staying with Sevik.”

Vavi’s brown eyes bubbled over again. She leaned against the wall before sliding to the floor, hiding her face in her hands as she sobbed harder.

“Hey, it’s just a room. We’re still on the same ship. Besides, you have Wallace.” Juniper said, kneeling beside her friend. Vavi could be dramatic, but this was a bit much.

“No, it’s not that,” Vavi leaned her head back and Juniper could see for the first time the deep bags beneath her eyes. “You know, Wallace has never officially asked me to move in with him? You’ve been with Sevik for, what, weeks?”

“Vulcans are different—”

“I’m pregnant.”

Juniper fell silent. Vavi stared at her, exhausted. Her brown eyes drained of their usual sharpness.

“Does he know?”

“No,” Vavi whispered. “How can I tell him? He’s mentioned multiple times how stupid it would be to have a kid on Voyager.”

“I’m sure the Doctor could help you.”

“I know… but there’s a part of me that wants to keep it. It might give me some purpose in this endless journey home,” Vavi said, looking down at her still flat stomach. “But I don’t know if the life I can give this child is worth living.”

Juniper scooted next to Vavi and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. They sat in silence listening to the hum of the engine.

“Just like on the Val Jean,” Vavi said, cracking a smile.

“Not quite, nothing is exploding.”

They both laughed.

“Do you actually like Sevik?” Vavi asked.

“What?”

“You said you’re staying with him. Is it just for the sex? Like do you have a weird kink?” There was a playfulness to her tone, one that felt like the usual Vavi shining beneath the drying tears.

“Oh yeah. I make him recite the Starfleet handbook while my ankles are on his shoulders.”

Vavi snorted.

“Actually, now that I think about it, it sounds pretty hot.”

“Juni!”

“He asked me to marry him,” Juniper admitted.

“What’d you say?” Vavi perked up.

“Nothing yet. But I think I’m going to say yes.”

“Congratulations, Juni,” Vavi said, squeezing her hand. “I mean it.”

“Thank you.” It’s amazing how much she needed Vavi’s approval. With it her choice felt almost easy. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“No,” Vavi shook her head. “I’ll figure it out, I always do.”

They helped each other up to their feet again, brushing the dust from the black of their uniforms.

“Now go give your Ensign your answer,” Vavi said, shooing her towards the door. Juniper hit the door button but looked back.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything?”

“You already gave me what I needed.”

Juniper stood in front of the door to their shared room, bouncing on the balls of her feet. She’d already been there for five minutes but her nerves wouldn’t let her open it. Every time she stepped within reach of the sensor she jerked back before it could open, a flush of nerves overcoming her thoughts again.

Why was it so hard to just walk in and say yes? She’d told Vavi that was exactly what she was going to do so why couldn’t she just do it?

The door swished open. Sevik, dressed in his pajamas, filled the doorway.

“If you do not go to sleep soon you will not have the required amount of—”

“Yes!” she screamed, interrupting him. She slapped her hands over her mouth. His eyes grew soft. He slipped a hand around her waist and pulled her into the room, letting the door shut behind them.

“You have made your decision?”

She nodded; her tongue glued to the roof of her mouth. He held her so gently, keeping her steady without restraining her. She wanted to fall into his arms and live there.

“T’hy’la,” he said, running his fingers across her cheekbone. She felt the tingle of his mind brushing against her, asking for permission to slip in. She allowed it, opening her mind to him. His fingers pressed against her skull, finding her psi points, and melding their minds together.

His mind gushed with an illegal amount of happiness. He was wrapping her mind in his joy, embracing her body but also her thoughts. He was kissing her, his lips on hers as his mind melted in her own.

He showed her all of his thoughts. How he savored the prick of annoyance she caused him when she broke a rule, the yearning for the warmth of her skin, and his incessant need to be at her side to fulfill her every need.

Her back pressed into the mattress, Sevik’s body covering her own just as his mind had done to hers. He could think more clearly with their minds connected and she struggled to keep up, her hands fumbling with her clothes as he managed to undress himself with only one hand.

He kissed her as he touched her mind, his mouth dropping to her neck to leave bruises across her throat. She arched into him lost in the sensation of happiness and relief he projected into her mind.

She wasn’t alone anymore. She’d never be alone again.

He sank into her, his cock pressing against every nerve inside of her body. She could feel herself wrapped around him, her walls hot and wet against his shaft. It was just as confusing and titillating as it was during his pon farr, only now his mind was clear, and she could feel everything in acute detail.

She moaned and could feel her muscles clench around him, a feedback loop of sensation that threatened to rattle her apart.

She cried out, her body exploding with pleasure. Her body jerked and twitched as her orgasm rolled through her and she came impaled on his cock. She tapped his hand, shoving his fingers from her face and breaking their connection before she could feel his orgasm.

“Too much,” she groaned, her body still tingling with sensation. Sevik smiled into her throat as he thrusted into her until he too reached his pinnacle. He barely made a noise, but she could see his muscles tensing and relaxing, could feel the warmth of his seed spilling inside of her.

She was exhausted and gasping for air. An unadulterated Vulcan mind simply took in too much stimuli for Juniper to handle. Her body still buzzed with sensation even after Sevik pulled out of her. He gathered her to his chest, holding her close as if his people hadn’t taught him otherwise his whole life.

“You have honored me with your decision,” he said, his face flushed with a tinge of green, but his voice perfectly neutral. How could someone sound so steady when Juniper could barely breathe?

“I hope to do more than just honor you,” she said with a salacious smirk.

“You are insinuating that you can handle more sex tonight. That is not true,” he said, tucking a strand of wayward hair behind her ear. She opened her mouth, and he pressed two fingers to her lips, silencing her. “That was not a challenge, Juniper.”

She opened her mouth and pressed her tongue to his fingers, sucking them into her mouth. Sevik leaned in closely, his face all business but his voice lowered in a whisper.

“When we are married, I will be able to make you orgasm without even touching you. Wait until then if you wish to test your limits.”

Her face burned as Sevik removed his fingers from her lips and laid an arm over her waist.

“Sleep. You will need it.”