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Chapter Text

Seiji was irritated, to say the least. In front of him there was Jesse Coste, with his perfectly styled hair and pristine white blazer, the sight annoyed Seiji to no end. To top it all off he had that hateful fake smile on his face. There were two things that never failed to make Seiji lose his temper, two people actually. One was Jesse Coste, the entirety of his personality and what his person represented made Seiji want to pull his hair out. The other was his roommate, Nicholas Cox.

Although he got on Seiji's nerves, it was completely different from how Jesse bothered him, but somehow worse. It seemed that Nicholas knew how to push all of Seiji's buttons and make him explode. While Seiji's hate towards Jesse was ice cold and distant, his dislike for Nicholas was up close and burning, starting from the boy's infuriating mop of hair and ending at his stupid careless way of wearing clothes.

"Quit bothering me, Jesse. Last time I said I wouldn't go to Exton with you and I won't change my mind." Seiji said coldly. "Find something better to do and stop coming here to pester me." He didn't even bother to stop walking. When he had seen Jesse in the middle of the path towards the salle, he just kept on his way and the blond started following him, insisting on the same speech he used every single time.

Nicholas was walking along after them. They had been walking together to practice, but at some point he must have fallen behind, Jesse replacing him by Seiji's side.

"As much as you wish I was here to convince you to come to Exton with me" Jesse scoffed, that arrogant grin on his face "which you obviously should do" he continued "that's not the purpose of my visit. Coach Williams asked me to come here once again for one of your practices and I agreed happily." His grin turned to a triumphant smile, his blue eyes sparkling in the afternoon light, his expression conceited.

Seiji stopped in his tracks and turned to stare outraged at Jesse, he could see Nicholas in his peripheral vision, looking between them anxiously, his shoulders were sagged and his expression was sour, Seiji didn't pay any mind to it more than that, he was busy at the moment.

"Why, Jesse?" He said, sharp and full of venom "You really came here out of the goodness of your heart?" the words were spitted out, making the distaste they carried clear "Somehow I doubt that."

Seiji's frown deepened in anger. He was fed up with Jesse, with all of this. Didn't he understand Seiji's boundaries? His limits?
He made it very clear he did not want to go to Exton with him and no longer wanted him in his life, and still Jesse was relentless, didn't respect the walls he had clearly put up.

Jesse's smile dimmed, but Seiji didn't wait for a response, they had reached the door to the salle, he pushed it open and forcibly closed it behind him, not worried about upsetting Jesse or being seen as rude. He strode decisively towards the locker room to get changed, not giving a single glance behind him, not even when the door opened and revealed Nicholas' upset frown.

---

Practice was awkward, the room full of unspoken tension.
Seiji fenced Jesse and no one else, he didn't say a single word to him anymore, not falling for his taunts, but he also didn't split his attention toward any other thing or anyone.

He missed Nicholas' pained expression while he fenced the blond and his anger when Jesse put a hand on his shoulder while saying goodbye.

His behaviour was unusual thanks to his anger. Seiji gathered his things as soon as Jesse had left and went to the dorms alone. He tends to walk with Nicholas back to their room together everyday after practice, but today he was so frustrated he just left without even a word.

After showering he got out of the bathroom to find Nicholas back already. He observed him distantly, as if his thoughts were far away, somewhere else entirely. The boy's head was down, looking at his cellphone, his messy brown hair was wet from showering in the locker room, falling into his face and covering his eyes. Seiji looked at his exposed arms, wearing that black tank top he used as a sorry excuse for pajamas. He processed all this from what seemed to be underwater, not actually recognizing he was staring or noticing where his mind had gone.

Nicholas' kind brown eyes met his as he looked up full of concern. Seiji's anger, that had still been dormant in the back of his mind, vanished, his heartbeat slowing significantly.

"Are you alright Seiji?" Nicholas said softly, lines of worry forming on his face. Seiji didn't want to talk about it, so he told Nicholas he was fine and went back to his side of the room, disappearing from the other boy's view behind the duck curtain.

He stayed there for a moment, feeling numb, not knowing what to do next. He had a few assignments to do, but felt exhausted because of the whirlwind of emotions he felt in the last few hours. Unthinkingly he laid down on his bed and fell asleep.

Chapter Text

When his alarm went off in the morning, Seiji woke up slowly and noticed Nicholas was already up and getting ready to go to practice, a tired look in his eyes.
Seiji was surprised that Nicholas was up before him, it is usually a hassle to get him out of bed even after all these weeks of practicing in the mornings.

Nicholas greeted him good morning unenthusiastically when he noticed Seiji was awake and disappeared back to his side of the curtain, the ducks blocking Seiji's view of him.

Seiji went through his morning routine efficiently and was ready on time. Last night he fell asleep, energy drained by Jesse and all the negative emotions he brought upon Seiji, but he felt fine this morning, as if his anger had taken over him a year ago and not yesterday.

He and Nicholas left silently, Nicholas' cheerful mood was clearly off this morning, making the air around them feel chilly and colder than it actually was. Seiji didn't know what caused this behaviour on Nicholas, but he decided to keep quiet, if Nicholas wanted to talk to him, he would.

They got into their fencing uniforms and started practicing. Nicholas doing his tennis ball exercise almost perfectly, his speed more developed and with better precision, he had improved in the last weeks. Seiji did a few drills, but stopped to watch Nicholas, something bothering him, barely discernible thoughts in the back of his mind.

Nicholas got a forceful hit, full of speed and grace and Seiji's whole body froze, the uncertain feeling he had becoming clear. He stared at the set of Nicholas' jaws, his lips pursed in determination. Seiji blinked and almost expected to see blue eyes in the place of Nicholas dark ones, blonde hair instead of Nicholas sweet shade of brown

Seiji gasped unconsciously and Nicholas turned surprised, his eyes met Seiji's as he took in the taller boy's expression and suddenly his eyes became dangerously cold, the mood he had in the morning making a reappearance, if it had ever left at all.

"Stop it" Nicholas said in a calm but devoid of warmth voice, so unlike his usual tone, Seiji almost took a step back.

"I'm not doing anything" Seiji said, defensive and confused.

"Don't play dumb Seiji" Nicholas said, anger more appearant now, calmness starting to fade. "You are thinking about him. Comparing me to him." Nicholas' anger was getting out of control, his breaths coming out ragged.

Realization dawned on Seiji. Nicholas had taken one look at his expression and noticed what Seiji's thoughts had been. He knew Seiji saw Jesse in him, knew he noticed the similarities.

Seiji's confusion turned to anger. Jesse's name next to Nicholas' on his mind was enough to make him see red. Nicholas was hiding something and Seiji would find out what.

With his blood boiling but maintaining his detached composure, Seiji calmly said "What is your connection to Jesse Coste?"

Nicholas exploded "That's enough Seiji! I'm done with this. You look at me and all you see is stupid Jesse Coste!" Nicholas turned, livid. Looking somewhere to his right, the anger making his mind go far away "He gets everything. He has the skills, the money, he has-" he takes a deep breath, anger having gotten out of control "he has-" he repeated and stopped.

Seiji did what he usually did when Nicholas' anger flared, he met him at the same level, losing his composure, blinded by Nicholas' rage and meeting him halfway with his.

"He has what, Nicholas!?" He shouted.

Seiji's shout appeared to make Nicholas' fury freeze, he just looked tired now. Upset and hurt.

"Everything" he answered brokenly, looking at the ground.

He took a deep breath and added "And worst of all" his eyes met Seiji's, shiny with unshed tears "he has you too."

Seiji didn't know what to say to that. He didn't know what to respond. He felt the cold ball of anxiety that unfamiliar situations caused in his stomach and stayed standing there, shocked and silent, eyes on Nicholas, speechless.

After a few moments of the tense quiet, Nicholas noticed Seiji had nothing to say, shook his head and left.

Seiji watched him go, mind going too fast for him to be able to follow.

Chapter Text

Seiji was so stunned that he was not even able to remember how he got back to their room. One moment he was in the salle, he blinked, and he was staring at Nicholas' empty side of the room, the boy nowhere to be seen. He changed into his King's Row uniform and went to the library, skipping breakfast altogether and focusing on the homework he had failed to do the night before.

---

The day passed in a blur, Seiji tried his best to focus on his classes, but failed miserably. Nicholas' teary eyes and hurt expression kept flashing in his mind, but he was not able to process the situation, it was making him panic, so he buried it deep down, not having the time or energy to make sense of anything yet.

---

In the afternoon, they had practice, so Seiji went. His heart started to pick up speed, threatening to come out through his throat, anxiety at its highest. It turned out to be unnecessary, since apparently Nicholas would not attend practice that day. Seiji couldn't help but worry, even if he most certainly knew the reason behind the boy's absence.

Havard came up to Seiji and asked if he knew where Nick was, Seiji said that he didn't and the captain thankfully didn't insist on the matter.

The rest of practice was uneventful, Seiji even managed to maintain a cold exterior and focus on fencing, he even believed he was successful in appearing to be fine and not completely numb and confused.

Afterwards, Seiji started going back to their room slowly, dreading the moment when he would have to face Nicholas. He wasn't ready yet, not having allowed himself the time to think about the situation.

When he reached his destination, he opened the door holding his breath. He took a quiet step inside and took in the empty room, but he didn't relax yet, he had to check the bathroom. When he was sure he was alone, he exhaled the breath he had been holding, shoulders relaxing.

Suddenly, a deep sadness washed over Seiji. Just the night before, Nicholas' eyes had calmed him down, his presence enough to soothe all of Seiji's aches. Twenty four hours later, the thought of being in the same room as Nicholas made him so afraid, he couldn't help but feel depressed. Nicholas was his best friend, he shouldn't feel this way about him. He had to fix this.

He sat down on his bed, not even bothering to shower first, he felt drained once again, the memories of their fight coming back suddenly, all the emotions hitting him at once.

He remembered Nicholas' appearance the moment he compared him to Jesse in his mind, the posture and the movements all made Seiji feel like he was having a deja vu.

Then Seiji stopped to think about Nicholas, the entirety of him, who he was as a person, and suddenly the idea of him resembling Jesse at all seemed absurd.

He thought of Jesse's smile, sharp and untrustworthy, you could feel the insincerity behind it, the image leaving a cold void in Seiji's heart. Then his mind supplied the memory of Nicholas' smile, kind and full of joy. Seiji could almost hear the boys' laughter, his chest filling up with affection.

He thought of Nicholas' caring face, his worry and his presence on Seiji's side, in the fun moments and the bad ones too. He thought of the patience nobody else had shown when faced with Seiji's lack of emotional expression and difficulty with social cues.

Nicholas, he noted, was a far better friend than Jesse had ever been. Comparing them was extremely unfair, no matter the reason. Worse of all, Nicholas never failed to respect Seiji's boundaries, never pushing him even a millimeter over his personal limits, never forcing him to go against his own wishes, while Seiji did the opposite. Nicholas made it clear he didn't want to talk about Jesse, and Seiji kept insisting and prying. He was doing to Nicholas exactly what Jesse did to him.

Seiji was aware of Nicholas' qualities, forever grateful for the loyalty and companionship, but he stupidly only externalized the complaints, never showing how thankful he was, not giving half of the affection Nicholas gave to him.

As he thought more and more about Nicholas, he felt his face warm up, embarrassed. He shouldn't be thinking about his best friend's smile the way he was, nor how he always seemed to be inside Seiji's personal space, as if automatically drawn to him. It made Seiji feel lonely, Nicholas' absence more pronounced now.

He wanted the other close. He felt terrible for how he acted, realizing Nicholas meant everything to him. He was the person who made him feel the strongest emotions, made him want to be around him no matter what, being pulled towards one another like opposing magnets, a force impossible to avoid.

Seiji had to fix this, he had to tell Nicholas how he felt and apologize.

Chapter Text

After what felt like hours of being inside his own head, Seiji got up and showered. Curfew came and went and there was no sign of Nicholas. It was unsettling, but Seiji thought he was probably in Bobby's room, and tonight Seiji would respect his need for privacy and keep his distance, when he had an opportunity tomorrow they would talk.

Seiji turned off the lights and went to bed. After a few restless minutes of feeling hollow, he got up and turned on Nicholas' night lamp. It was not the same as hearing his roommates' comforting breaths as he drifted off to sleep, but he could pretend it was close enough.

---

In the morning he went to the salle and practiced alone. Seiji's heart sank once again at the lack of Nicholas by his side.
They were together so often, his presence almost as familiar as his own that he took it for granted, and now was left with nothing but guilt and regret to accompany him.

Seiji tried to will himself to focus on fencing, but the emptiness made the room seem even bigger than it actually was, the only sounds to keep him company were produced by himself, and the loneliness made a reappearance, settling in his chest.

He repeated yesterday's events, but in a more tiresome way. Different from the day before, Seiji remembered every step he took towards the dorms, the impact of every footstep heavy on the floor, without another person at his side, each time his shoes met the ground sounded like a rock hitting the pavement.

The trees were not as green as usual, the sky not as blue, everything seemed dull and lifeless. Seiji felt a little dramatic thinking this, but the sad part was that it was his true perception. He had always heard about people that when parted from their loved ones seemed to see life differently, less vibrant, but Seiji had never felt that way, he believed it was an exaggeration, but here he was, feeling like someone decided to put a grey filter in his eyes because it had been a day since he last saw his best friend.

Seiji desperately hoped that Nicholas would forgive him because if only one day without him left Seiji in this state, he couldn't even imagine how he would end up if Nicholas didn't want him in his life anymore.

Seiji arrived at the door to their room and knew he wouldn't find Nicholas inside, but still deep down he hoped. He wanted his eyes to meet that soft gaze of his, see the rich brown shining in the morning sun.

He opened the door, and deflated. Seiji didn't need to check the bathroom today to know he was alone. He noticed that some clothes were missing from Nicholas' side of the room and felt like crying. Nicholas waited for a time where he was sure Seiji wouldn't be there to come back and take his things, blatantly avoiding him.

---

Seiji entered the cafeteria, head held high like usual, except this time he had to force himself to do it, the confident behaviour not coming as naturally. He went to get his food and avoided looking at their usual spot, where they sat with their teammates.

When walking in between the tables to sit alone, he accidently looked in the direction where the fencing team sat, eyes automatically pulled.
Nicholas' eyes met his instantly, an unreadable expression on his face. Seiji almost stopped in his tracks at Nicholas' gaze on him, he expected the other boy to look away but he didn't, following Seiji while he kept walking towards an empty table.

He wanted to talk to Nicholas, but privately. That wouldn't be possible now without drawing attention to them.

When Seiji got to an empty table he sat with his back to Nicholas, but turned to give one last look at him, but the other was no longer looking at Seiji, a bitter look on his face and eyes averted, Seij thought he deserved that as he faced his own food.

---

Seiji shared the second class of the day with Nicholas, and felt anxious walking into it. He was nervous at what would happen, the moment not being a good one to discuss the situation again.

Seiji sat in the front row as he usually did and started getting his materials ready on his desk, as he always did. When Nicholas walked in, he briefly looked up but quickly looked away, pretending to be very interested in the contents of his pencil case.

Nicholas didn't even hesitate at the door and went straight to his usual seat behind Seiji, startling him. Seiji was sure Nicholas would pick another seat, but there he was at his usual spot near Seiji.

Distracted by Nicholas' presence, Seiji dropped a pen, and quickly bent down to get it, but Nicholas got there first. He extended his arm to give Seiji back the pen, but Seiji hesitated, their eyes meeting and holding him in place, stunned. Nicholas started speaking, apprehension in his eyes.

"Seiji-" but the teacher walked in at that moment, which got Seiji out of his stupor.

"Not now, Nicholas." He grabbed his pen softly from Nicholas' hand and faced the front of the class. Guilt filling his chest more and more at every minute he spent without apologizing.

---

The day passed and Seiji avoided Nicholas at every opportunity, knowing he had to talk to him but also knowing that any moment they could meet during the day would not be ideal to have this talk. He would have to wait until they were back in their room at the end of the day.

---

In the afternoon, Seiji walked into practice and looked around, searching. His eyes found what they were looking for and his chest constricted. He would have to avoid Nicholas here too.

He passed by Nicholas and Eugene as he made his way to the locker room, cringing at the way he pretended they weren't there, feeling like a terrible person.

They started practice and he fenced Harvard first and then Aiden. The whole room noticed the tension between Nick and Seiji, how one would stare at the other when they thought no one was looking but also make the biggest effort to be on opposite sides of the salle at all times.

Coach Williams, who clearly noticed this, the distance between them being so unlike their usual behaviour, took action.

"Nicholas and Seiji, you two pair up now." She said and her tone made it clear that if they said anything against it, there would be consequences.

Seiji was so scared he cogitated how terrible it would be to do all those suicides they would clearly get as punishment for complaining.

Nicholas moved to the piste, following the coach's instructions without opposing, so Seiji followed after him. He had to stop being this absurd and quit avoiding Nicholas like this. Besides, he wouldn't have to talk to Nicholas on the piste, only fence.

They shook hands and Nicholas didn't meet his eyes, and immediately Seiji's heart dropped to his stomach, anxiety filling him. This wouldn't be a good match, he was sure of it. It would have been better if he had picked the suicides, at least he would avoid the disaster that was about to happen.

He got into position and the match started. Muscle memory kicked in and Seiji moved as he should, except who knew how he fenced would notice something was off with just a glance.

After a few clumsy tries, Seiji got a hit on Nicholas, but it took way longer than it normally would, his mind not being present and making it harder for Seiji to have his usual sharp agility. He noticed Nicholas was frowning behind his mask, and it made Seiji feel sick. To know he was disappointing Nicholas hurt him deeper than any hit he could ever get from a blade.

The guilt overcame him and he stumbled, but soon recovered, still it was enough to make Nicholas gasp and stop, taking his helmet off and looking concerned at Seiji.

Seiji Katayama wasn't clumsy, he didn't stumble or flounder, he was precise with his hits, and he hit hard. This was an unprecedented situation.

"Seiji-" Nicholas started at the same time coach Williams called him to the side.

He looked at Nicholas' worried eyes but turned and started walking towards the coach, but hesitated. He felt bad for Nicholas, he had tried to talk to Seiji twice already and Seiji had brushed him off.

Nicholas had fenced well today, Seiji noticed. Not only with the others, but also in this disastrous match as well. He didn't see Jesse in him anymore, all he saw was Nicholas' talent and determination.

"You fenced well Nicholas." he said, looking into the shorter boy's eyes, hoping it was enough for now, but knowing it wasn't.

Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked away.

Chapter Text

Coach Williams expressed her concern about Seiji's behaviour and fencing, she wanted to make sure everything was okay.

Seiji said embarrassedly that he was just having a bad day, which was the biggest understatement. He was distressed, anxious and miserable, but that was nobody else's problem but his own to deal with.

Williams glanced towards Nicholas with a frown, but accepted Seiji's words and decided that, since practice was almost over anyway, they could leave earlier.

Seiji didn't need to be told twice. He felt so ashamed of how he had fenced and acted, he gathered his things in a flash and left.

Outside the salle he took a deep breath. His life seemed to be falling apart, and he felt like everything he did only worsened the situation.

His eyes stung, but he couldn't pinpoint why. Was it guilt? Anxiety? Humiliation?
Probably all of the above.

---

After showering, Seiji took his time getting ready for bed in hope that the longer he took, the bigger the chance of Nicholas being back to their room.

His mind pessimistically said Nicholas would not return, but Seiji pretended to remain oblivious. He wouldn't spend another night away, he reasoned, he had to be back.

He got out of the bathroom, and Nicholas was nowhere in sight.
That's okay, he probably is with Eugene playing video games, he thought.

Seiji tried to distract himself, but he could almost hear the ticking of a clock signaling each second passing by slowly.

An hour went by and Seiji tried to come up with an excuse, but all his mind supplied was the memory of that morning, Nicholas' side of the room missing some of his belongings.

He couldn't spend another night without apologizing. He had been a terrible friend, but he would do better, that's what Nicholas deserved.

The curfew alarm blared and it kicked Seiji into action. He got up and changed out of his pajamas, he would find Nicholas and apologize, he would get Nicholas back to their room and back in his life, he had to.

Trembling, Seiji left their room. He had never been out after curfew, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and so he tried to act unconcerned, but he desperately prayed that he wouldn't get caught.

He got to Bobby and Dante's room and hesitated, doubt started to fill his mind, but before it got too far he knocked impulsively on the door before he lost the nerve.

After a few moments the door opened slowly, Bobby looked up at him with a face between fear and surprise.

"Hello Bobby, sorry to intrude. Is Nicholas here?" He tried to sound pleasant, but he was known to sound rude at normal times and when his anxiety kicked in, it was worse.

Bobby turned to look inside questioningly, but soon the door opened further behind him.

"It's fine, Bobby." Nicholas assured, hand on the door revealing himself, smiling kindly at Bobby, who nodded and moved back inside.

Nicholas' smile shrinked, expression turning into pained confusion as he faced Seiji.

"It's past curfew" he pointed out.

"Yes." Seiji said matter-of-factly.

"You're out past curfew?" Nicholas asked, being redundant, as if he needed confirmation that what he was seeing was real.

"You didn't come back." Seiji said as if it was the obvious explanation.

Nicholas looked stunned, but stayed quiet. An awkward silence formed around them.

"I need to speak with you" Seiji said after a few moments "Can you come back to our room so we can talk?" He asked hopefully, but deep down he expected Nicholas to decline.

He couldn't ask that of Nicholas, after all. He had been nothing but disrespectful towards him the last few days, if he wanted to keep his distance and stay in Bobby's room, he had every right to do so and Seiji would respect that, but he had to try to make this right.

"Okay" Nicholas answered softly.

It was surprising how fast he agreed, but Seiji was grateful.

Nicholas said his goodbye to Bobby and Dante and thanked them. Seiji nodded his farewell as they left.

They walked together in silence. The air was tense around them, out of uncertainty. Neither of them knowing what to expect from the other.

As Seiji closed the door behind him, he noticed his hands were shaking slightly and made an effort to stabilize them.

Nicholas looked at him anxiously, clearly waiting for Seiji to speak.

He had waited an eternity for this moment, it seemed. But now that Nicholas was here, words failed Seiji.

"I'm sorry" he simply said, not meeting Nicholas' eyes.

He took a deep breath, still not looking up. He had to give Nicholas more than that, he had to do better.

"I haven't been fair to you, Nicholas" he continued "I've been demanding of you over something that was none of my concern, and worse than that, after you made it clear it was a private topic."

Seiji looked up then, meeting Nicholas's eyes. That rich earthy brown stared deeply into him, and Seiji felt some indescribable way. Feeling scared by what was going through the mind behind that gaze, but also feeling like he had finally taken a breath of fresh air after being underwater for too long.

He felt emotion overflow him.

"I need you to know that you are my best friend" he said earnestly "and I deeply appreciate your presence in my life" He added shyly, not used to being so emotionally sincere.

"It was absurd of me to compare you to Jesse, no matter what similarities there might or might not be in your fencing styles." He frowned as he said it, disappointed at his past self.

"You are better than Jesse in every way, and I say that with certainty" he stared seriously at Nicholas, making it clear that he wasn't just saying that "and fencing wise" he continued, "You'll get there one day, and I hope to be present to watch you grow and win all the gold medals I know you will."

At that, Seiji blushed fiercely and Nicholas' expression, that had been unreadable until now, melted.

Seiji knew those words, coming from him, were special to Nicholas. He was embarrassed that he had only said them now, even though he had always known and felt them deep inside himself.

Before Nicholas could say anything, Seiji had to say one last thing, his face burning at what he was about to say, but he needed to get it out, Nicholas deserved to know.

"And Nicholas," he said softly, looking abashedly away "you're the one who has me" he forced himself to meet the boy's eyes "in more ways than one." He finished.

Embarrassment making his face flame red, he could only hope Nicholas understood what he meant.

Nicholas' expression could not be described as anything but stunned, a light blush on his tanned cheeks as well.

"Thank you for the apology, Seiji." He said, his voice nice and soft, truly grateful and a bit awkward.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you, there were better ways to deal with the situation than that." He added apologetically.

"And also-" he hesitated and frowned at Seiji, debating if he should say his next words.

He exhaled and put on a determined face, decided.

"There's something I want to tell you." He said somberly and Seiji sobered up, worry filling him at Nicholas' unusual seriousness.

"You're not wrong when you see similarities between me and Jesse" He said carefully "I never would have made that comparison myself, but I suppose if someone would notice that, it would be you." He paused.

He frowned pondering how to word the revelation, but decided to get straight to the point.

"I'm Robert Coste's illegitimate son" he spilled out and waited.

Seiji froze. Of all the things he had thought Nicholas would say and all the other things he had made up to justify his and Jesse's resemblance, none of them prepared him for this.

It made complete sense, now that he knew it, it seemed the only possible explanation. Nicholas' fencing style was not like Jesse's, it was like Robert's.

Then Seiji noticed how meaningful this was to Nicholas, and what it meant for him to trust this information to Seiji at all.

"Nicholas" he said softly "You didn't have to tell me this. I'm sorry if you felt forced to do so."

"No!" Nicholas said quickly "I decided to tell you because I trust you Seiji, not because I felt forced." He said, his eyes on Seiji's unblinkingly, showing he meant it.

"I never told anyone this, and no amount of prying from you would have made me admit it if I didn't want to." He said lastly.

Seiji nodded.

"Thank you for your trust, then" he said, honored "Your secret is safe with me."

Seiji gave him his small sincere smile, reserved to only the moments of true happiness.

Nicholas beamed back at him warmly, making Seiji's inside light up.

"Oh, and Seiji," he said, quieting down his voice a bit, making it sound extremely soft "I want you to know that you have me too. In every single way." He said, searching Seiji's eyes.

Seiji noticed he had understood his meaning earlier, when he had confessed to having a crush on Nicholas in his own weird way. And now, Nicholas was using Seiji's cryptic words to say he liked him back.

Seiji, shy and nervous nodded, averting his eyes from Nicholas, which the shorter boy found incredibly endearing.

"Hey" Nicholas said as he grabbed Seiji's hand tentatively, trying to get Seiji's attention back.

Seiji looked at their entwined hands, Nicholas' touch uncertain, a silent question. Their gazes met again as Seiji strengthened the hold in answer.

Nicholas' smile was blinding, his laugh sparking joy in Seiji's chest. In a sudden moment of courage, he pressed a kiss to Nicholas' cheek and froze.

Nicholas froze as well, eyes widening and cheeks reddening, but it lasted only a second, his smile coming back bigger than before, which seemed impossible, but there it was, calming Seiji's wildly beating heart, leaving a satisfied pace to the erratic beat, glad that he made Nicholas smile.

He pulled Seiji in a hug, holding him tightly. Seiji felt the scent of his two in one shampoo and smiled. It was ridiculous that such an absurd product would bring Seiji any sort of joy, but it was connected to Nicholas, so it made sense.

He buried his face in Nicholas's hair as the boy gently asked.

"Would you like to be boyfriends?" the question was uttered with underlying hope.

Seiji smiled ecstatic. Just yesterday he thought he had maybe lost Nicholas forever, and today here he was, grateful that he was getting a second chance and an opportunity to be with Nicholas.

"Yes" he said, moving back to meet Nicholas' eyes. Smiling at each other softly, they basked in the sweet moment.

Nicholas glanced at Seiji's lips, gaze being pulled there, then looked up questioningly at Seiji, who nodded almost imperceptibly and leaned forward, meeting their lips.

It was soft and lasted only a few seconds. It made Seiji feel that he had finally come back home after a long time away.

They stayed that way for a long time, just relaxing in each other's arms.

All was not magically fixed, but they wanted to do better and make it work, so that was all that really mattered.