Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Arizona awoke feeling like everything was right, and that’s how she knew something was wrong. Opening her eyes, she inhaled, trying to take it all in, the not-quite-familiar soft gray walls facing her, the white sheets wrapped around her completely naked body, and Callie’s arm draped over her waist-

Wait what?

Arizona rolled over instantly, but she already knew from the smell, from the feel of her skin, from the precise weight of her arm, that it was Callie. Her ex-wife, the mother of her child lay there, arm still resting gently on Arizona as she slept, that beautiful, stupid smile plastered on her face.

“Fuck,” Arizona hissed, drawing back, and trying to yank back some of the sheet with her. Her head was throbbing, her mouth was dry, she was hungover and could barely think - but none of that mattered. “Fuckfuckfuck. Fuck, Callie, wake up!” Suddenly afraid to touch the woman she’d been curled up with seconds ago, she prodded Callie, who continued to sleep. Typical Callie. “Fuck!”

Glancing at the clock on Callie’s bedside, Arizona saw the time was six forty-three.

“Callie!” Not wanting to wake Sofia, Arizona only raised her voice slightly as she shook Caliie’s shoulder. “Callie, Sofia has to be up in seventeen minutes! Wake up!” Arizona shoved her ex-wife harder than she meant to, and Callie, finally awakening with a grunt, rolled straight off the bed and landed with a thump on the floor.

Awkwardly pressing the top sheet against her chest, Arizona crawled to the edge of her bed, peering down at Callie’s face just as Callie let out a loud groan and covered half her face in her hand. “Quiet!” Arizona told her. “Don’t wake Sofia!”

“What’d you do that for?” Callie demanded, still so loudly that Arizona flinched. She glanced at the clock again.

“Callie, we have to get up now! Sofia wakes up in sixteen minutes!” God, she was still so beautiful, Arizona realized. The thought made her head hurt even more, if possible.

“You didn’t have to push me onto the floor, woman.” The way Callie so casually complained, the familiarity in her voice, both warmed and terrified Arizona.

“Callie, I moved here yesterday from Seattle with our daughter and this morning we woke up naked in bed together!”

Callie’s eyes widened as she fully processed the situation. “Fuck,” she groaned. “And I’m hungover.” Callie rubbed a hand across her face, doubtless willing her own headache to go away.

Arizona snorted. “You think I’m not?”

“How drunk were we?” Callie asked, sitting up.

She didn’t have to say it like that, Arizona thought, like only a massive amount of alcohol would allow her to fuck Arizona again.

“Hey, you were the one who started it! You kissed me first!” And it had been a good kiss, but then, every kiss with Callie had been. The night was coming back to her, filtering into her head in little bits and pieces. The feel of Callie on her skin, the sound of her moans, the constant echo in Arizona’s own head that this was wrong, wrong, wrong, that they needed to stop. They hadn’t.

Callie spread her hands, confused. “And you kissed me back! We both made this decision.” Arizona couldn’t stop herself from wincing, and Callie noticed. “Arizona, don’t give me that. I was just complaining about the hangover, not last night. Last night was…” She faded off, a smile on her face.

It brought Arizona back to the last time they’d woken up together. Callie had woken up with exactly the same smile. Then she had left Arizona in their therapist’s office.

“Yeah, well, now there are a lot of empty wine bottles in the living room that you’re going to need to clean up before Sofia gets up, cause I’m getting the hell out of here.”

“Relax, Arizona, she won’t be up for awhile.” What the hell was she talking about? Why wasn’t Callie panicked? Did she really care so little about their relationship as co-parents? Was she really so unaffected by sleeping with Arizona, that she didn’t even care? Was that all she was to Callie now? A decent drunken lay? Arizona cursed herself for having thought, back in Seattle, that things could be different this time.

Distracted by Callie’s nonchalance, Arizona did not realize Callie was reaching for the bottom of the same sheet she was using to cover her body until Callie had already yanked it from her weak grasp.

“Hey! I was using that!”

“It’s a bedroom! Use a blanket! Or nothing, it’s not like I didn’t just see you naked,” Callie smirked.

Arizona glared at Callie as more images from the night before flashed painfully in her mind.

“It’s heavy! I have one leg, I’m not the most structurally stable!” She was mad, unreasonably mad at Callie for taking the sheet, and the playful glint in Callie’s eye as she had done so. Did Callie really think this was a game? Did she really think Arizona was going to be okay after all this?

“My bed, my sheet!” Callie wrapped the fabric around herself more protectively. Arizona reached out towards the far end of the bed for the comforter that Callie had flung off halfway through the night, probably because she was too hot, and pulled it up over her chest.

“Look, Callie, we don’t have time for this. We can’t let Sofia see me here, it’ll send her mixed messages! And she’ll be awake in -” she checked the clock again “-Fifteen minutes! Can you grab my leg so I can get out of here?”

“Wait… so that’s it? You’re just going to run?” The edge in Callie’s voice hurt more than Arizona was expecting it to, ripping open all the old wounds from years past.

Of course Arizona didn’t want to talk about it, especially if it was just going to be a conversation about how this had been a mistake, and how to hide it from Sofia. She pressed her lips together. She wouldn’t say anything - she couldn’t say anything. She just had to collect her thoughts like this.

“Just hand me my leg, please, Callie.”

Still holding the sheet to her body, Callie crossed the room to the leg that she had flung across the room last night. There was a small dent in the plaster where it had hit the wall, and Arizona winced, suddenly remembering the sound it had made. It was a wonder Sofia hadn’t woken up. Or maybe she had… Arizona shuddered at the idea of trying to explain that to her daughter.

“Is it alright?” Arizona asked. “That one was expensive.”

Callie examined it, an unreadable expression on her face. “I think it’s fine.”

“Great, then could you hand it over so I could get out of here, please?”

“So rude,” Callie commented as she turned to face Arizona again, and even though she was joking, it annoyed the hell out of Arizona. What did she think she was doing?

“Callie!”

“Arizona, please, just talk to me before you leave. I don’t know what’s going on with you right now. Last night was good.” Her face fell suddenly. “You didn’t think it was good?”

How could she act like this? Like all the things that had happened between them before were suddenly gone? Like Arizona hadn’t cheated on Callie and suffocated her, like Callie hadn’t tried to take Sofia, pretending that Arizona was never her real mother?

“Callie!” Arizona glanced desperately at the clock again, angry at herself for getting caught up in her feelings. Thirteen minutes. How was Callie not as stressed as she was about this? Did she just not care at all anymore? Was she still letting her entire personal life affect her daughter’s?

That wasn’t fair, Arizona, and you know it.

“Arizona, you can’t just run out of here.” Callie clutched the prosthetic to her chest. “We’re living in the same city now! I thought we could deal with this like adults. You can’t just solve this by avoiding me. And what about Sofia?”

How dare she invoke Sofia’s name, Arizona thought. And how dare she imply that Arizona wasn’t being an adult about it, when Arizona was the one trying to keep their coparenting relationship intact? “I am extremely aware of that, Callie! Now give it back!” Down a leg and still holding a pillow in front of her body, more out of principle than anything else, she awkwardly stumbled across the bed, reaching for Callie even though she was far out of reach on the other side of the room.

“We can’t sweep this under the rug! We can’t just not talk about things anymore!”

“Oh, so, that’s your solution to our communication problems? Holding my leg hostage?”

“Oh, so now you agree, we do have communication problems!”

“It’s not like it didn’t come up constantly in the divorce.”

“Okay, well that was a low blow.”

“You are holding my leg hostage!”

“Because you won’t listen!”

“Callie, keep your voice down! You’re going to wake up Sofia.” Arizona swung her leg over the side of the bed and tossed the pillow she’d been holding to the side, ready to make a go for it.

Callie’s eyes widened. “Arizona, that is not a good idea-”

“Do you have a better one? Cause our daughter wakes up in twelve minutes - if you haven’t woken her already!”

“Why do you keep saying that-” Callie began, but as soon as she let her guard down, Arizona launched across the room, stumbling and hopping. It wasn’t that she couldn’t make her way around without a crutch, when absolutely necessary. But her anger and hastiness, combined with the throbbing in her head, caused her to recklessly overestimate the amount of force needed to reach Callie, and she stumbled, arms windmilling wildly in hopes of grabbing the prosthetic.

In one smooth motion, Callie dropped the sheet, stepped forward, and caught Arizona with her free hand, stabilizing her. Arizona made another grab for the leg.

“Calm down, Arizona. I’ll give it back. Let me just help you back to the bed so you can put it on.” Callie sounded more tired than anything now, and even more wounded. There was also a new softness in her voice, a fresh infusion of empathy as she peered into Arizona’s eyes. Arizona tried hard to avoid that soulful brown gaze, and suddenly realized that they were both naked, and Callie was holding her. Every nerve in her body was on fire, and she had to force her eyes back to Callie’s. Something seemed to catch in Callie’s throat, too. Were they having a moment? Could Callie even still possibly want to have a moment with Arizona at this point?

Arizona cleared her throat, forcing the first coherent words she could summon out of her mouth. “Okay. Help me sit down.”

She hated all of it. Why was it so hard for them to just handle things like adults? She’d been so sure that when she came to New York, the space they’d both had, the healing they’d both done, would at least allow them to make a whole family for Sofia again.

Callie shifted her weight, and began to move for the bed. Arizona did not want any help from her naked ex-wife, but she also didn’t have a choice. She leaned into Callie as they took a few steps towards the bed and then sank back down onto the edge. Callie moved to reattach the leg, but Arizona snatched it from her, suddenly aware again of how exposed she felt. All she wanted was to put on some clothes and leave, for the ringing in her head to stop, for Sofia to not be hurt anymore by their inability to get over their messy feelings. She glanced at the clock again as she finished reattaching her leg, and Callie followed her gaze.

“What’s the big deal, with the time? Why are you so stressed about her being up at seven?” Callie asked.

“Are you kidding me Callie?”

But Callie just looked genuinely puzzled. This wasn’t one of her games, Arizona realized.

“School, Callie, school! She has to wake up at seven to go to-” As she ranted, a bemused expression spread across Callie’s face.

“Oh,” said Arizona softly. “We’re in New York.”

“And the school year ended for her last week. That’s why you moved when you did, remember?”

“Oh.”

“Oh, and also, it’s Sunday,” Callie added.

“Fuck.”

The silence hung between them for a minute, as both of them realized that they’d let their words and emotions get out of hand.

And then, Arizona burst out laughing.

“Are you ... okay?” Callie asked.

“It’s just,” Arizona choked, “I’ve been here for less than twenty-four hours, and we already got so wasted we slept together, and then we literally had a fight over my leg because I was worried Sofia had school, but it’s a Sunday!”

Callie looked puzzled for a minute, then burst out laughing too. She dropped onto the edge of the bed next to Arizona, and they sat together, laughing. Callie laughed so hard she fell backwards, splayed across the bed, legs hanging over the edge, and Arizona followed. They lay side-by-side, neither touching, but both consumed with their laughter, and the fact that they were laughing together.

“Are we really this much of a mess?” Callie asked, in between fits of laughter.

“I know! Who do we think we are?” said Arizona, and then, they continued to laugh.

“What the fuck is wrong with us?” Callie added.

“I don’t know! I don’t know, Callie!”

Their laughter slowly faded, and they continued to lay flat on their backs in silence, pillows and sheets long fallen away. Arizona’s head was really pounding now, but so was her heart. She had no idea what was happening right now, no idea how she was keeping herself together with this hangover and naked Callie and all the emotions swirling through her.

“Do you think we woke Sofia?” Arizona asked.

“Well if this didn’t wake her, nothing will.”

“Sounds like someone I know,” Arizona replied before she could stop herself.

“Hey, I was awake before you shoved me out of bed.”

You say that every time, Arizona thought, but this time, she managed to stop herself from saying it aloud. God, why was this so hard? Why couldn’t she maintain a consistent tone with Callie? They were fighting one moment, flirting the next. They went from yelling so loud they were in danger of waking their daughter to laughing so hard they were in danger of waking their daughter. And now, here they were, lying naked in bed, not touching, and simultaneously, all Arizona wanted was for them to touch again, but also to leave, for Callie to never see her like this again. For her to never be this vulnerable in front of Callie again. Because at any minute, things could fall apart between them, like they had so many times before. She’d say the wrong thing, or Callie would just not be thinking, and suddenly, there would be a new gulf separating them, a new reason for them to hate each other. And Arizona couldn’t handle screwing them up, not again.

“I came here thinking things were going to be different,” said Arizona softly.

“Me too,” said Callie. “I wanted them to be. Maybe they still can be.” God, that optimism, Arizona thought. That certainty. It was accompanied by a thoughtlessness and empathy so wholly Callie that it made Arizona ache for a life she’d thrown away a long time ago, that she thought she’d gotten over.

Arizona scoffed, more at herself than at Callie. “I don’t even know what ‘different’ means. Like, different in that we’re not always fighting all the time? Or different in that we…”

“We finally figure it out?” Callie suggested the forbidden thought so softly that Arizona almost doubted it. But the blazing, certain look in her ex-wife’s eyes told her otherwise.

Fuck. Arizona turned her head away, still overwhelmed with her fear of it falling apart. She didn’t think she could do this.

“Arizona…”

“I don’t know what I thought,” Arizona said slowly. “I - my head hurts, Callie. And I just…”

“Come on,” Callie sighed, frustrated. “We have to talk about this sometime.”

Arizona turned back to face her. “Sometime. Not now. Callie, I - I almost said some things just now that I really, really would have regretted. And for what? Because I slept with my ex? One time? I’ve done worse, much worse. I - if we can’t handle difficult situations better, we can’t - we need to be careful what situations we end up in.”

“I almost said some things I regretted, too,” Callie said. “Maybe I even regret a few things I did say. Not the leg thing, though, you were being a brat.”

“So were you,” replied Arizona, before she could stop herself. “Stealing my sheet.”

Callie opened her mouth, and for a moment, Arizona was afraid of what she was going to say, but surprisingly, she closed her mouth again and waited. For Arizona.

“I just, I need time to think, Callie. And I can’t think with this - this hangover.”

“I know,” said Callie simply.

“What?”

“You’re not like me, I know. You take time to figure things out. You don’t jump into things. It’s okay, Arizona. I overreacted to you wanting to run out the door. I just… I didn’t want things to be like before. I was afraid.”

“No,” Arizona admitted. “I, uh, I probably freaked out a little too hard. And it would have been one thing, given that we had a one night stand. But with Sofia… I probably shouldn’t have tried to run.”

“You don’t need to run, Arizona. That’s what I’m saying. Whether or not you want to be with me, you don’t need to run.”

She reached out lightly, as if to take Arizona’s hand, then faltered. Arizona made no move to come any closer.

It was easy for Callie to say things, Arizona reminded herself, because even though they were true, they changed. Feelings, emotions, they changed for Callie. It’s why she could love so easily, so wholly. But things didn’t change for Arizona. She still burned with love for Callie. That had never changed, that would never change.

A door slammed in the silence from the bedroom over.

“Ugh,” Callie groaned as Arizona sat up.

“Well at least we know we didn’t wake her up,” said Arizona with a slight smile ghosting her lips.

“I hope not,” Callie laughed bitterly. “Man, we should really win parents of the year award for that one.” Something about the way Callie said “we”, the way she owned the mistake as something they had done together, touched Arizona.

“I’m sure Mark is delighted with us right now,” Arizona replied.

Callie smiled at the mention of her best friend. “Yeah, well, we both know he was just as capable of making a mess.”

Arizona laughed. “True,” she admitted.

Down the hall, a toilet flushed and another door slammed.

“I think she’s getting to that age that she’ll ask me why I’m wearing the same thing I had on yesterday,” said Arizona cautiously.

Callie sighed. “Yeah, I bet she is,” she admitted, although she sounded unhappy about it. Arizona didn’t want to think about what her tone meant. “I guess we shouldn’t make a scene. I can distract her while you sneak out.” As Arizona scrambled around the room, putting her clothes from the day before back on, Callie crossed to the dresser and began rooting around for a pair of pajamas.

“Okay,” replied Arizona. “I, uh, think my keys and stuff are on your coffee table.”

“Yeah, I think they are,” Callie replied, pulling a t-shirt over her head.

“Look, Arizona?”

Arizona met her eyes as she zipped up the fly of her pants.

“We had still planned to do things today with Sofia. We should still… do them. Come back after you’ve changed. Have breakfast with us. I don’t want you to feel like we can’t be a family, or that you can’t see Sofia before you’ve finished moving.”

They’d talked a lot in the past few weeks about how they wanted to be more in each other’s lives, not just for Sofia’s sake, but so that both of them could feel fully like her parents again after being away from her for so long. It had seemed like Sofia leaving New York, rather than causing resentment towards her other mother, had sparked a lot of empathy in Callie for what she had put Arizona through. And last night, as they had put Sofia to bed together for the first time in years, they had agreed Arizona should join them for breakfast. Just… not like this.

Arizona sighed. “I - I do want that. I’m glad you said that. But I need a little time, Callie. This - this is still a lot.”

“Lunch, then?” Callie suggested. “Or tomorrow, if that’s too soon.”

Arizona shook her head, unable to stand the thought of leaving Sofia alone with Callie on the first day, but also unsure of how much longer she could be in the same room as Callie. It was sweet that Callie was being so considerate, but she was afraid to take advantage of it, afraid of how long it would last. “No, lunch sounds good. And we were going to pick out a few things to decorate Sofia’s bedroom in my place with, remember? We could still do that.” Structured activities, where their daughter was the purpose, and not merely a buffer, felt safer, for the time being. And having a task she could stay focused on would help, even if she was around Callie. It would be fine. They could do this.

“Okay,” Callie smiled. “And we should, uh - we should talk more. About this.”

What more could be possibly said? For two people that had been screaming at each other just minutes ago, Arizona felt like they had resolved things as peacefully as possible. And sure, that small, unspoken hope she’d had that they could work things out had been dashed. But they were going to coparent Sofia. And maybe even get along. Why would they need to talk? The word still felt ominous to her.

“Yeah. Just uh, I need some time.” She felt lame, saying that again. She always needed time, and even though Callie had just said it was okay, it had still always frustrated her ex-wife in the past. But she couldn’t be rational right now, she couldn’t think straight. She wished she could tell Callie that this wasn’t easy for her, and she almost did, but at the last moment, she faltered.

“Okay.” Callie smiled cautiously. “I’m going to go keep Sofia in her room. Head out when you hear me say ‘pancakes’ loudly, and text me when you’re gone.”

Arizona nodded. “Thanks, Callie.”

As she headed for the door, and turned back to look at Callie one last time, something in those dark, soulful eyes reminded her that it wasn’t easy for Callie, either. Arizona had hurt her, too, after all. Suppressing that thought, she turned and walked out the door, scooping her cellphone and keys from the coffee table where she’d left them the night before. A part of her longed to see Sofia wake up, to tell her good morning, but she’d ruined that now.

Coffee. She needed coffee.

Patting down her jacket to make sure she still had her wallet, she slipped out the door.

Chapter Text

Three cups of coffee later, Arizona’s head was a little more clear, which only meant that it was now more filled with thoughts of Callie.

Bits and pieces had come back while she lay atop the covers of her hotel bed, though it was still a blur. She could remember just enough that it felt like the memory of Callie would always haunt her now. And it hurt, in a weird way, too, that she couldn’t remember it perfectly, that if she was going to properly fuck up her life, she couldn’t even enjoy it.

The worst part of it, Arizona reflected, as she picked up her empty paper coffee cup and began to shred it idly with her hands, was that she really should have known better. Despite the messiness of the custody battle, despite all the awkward exchanges and fake “I’m okay’s” Arizona had unconvincingly thrown to Callie over the years, this was the one line she’d always managed not to cross. Partly, she couldn’t hurt herself like that again. Partly, Callie’s words from the day they had divorced lived rent-free in her mind, and she knew she couldn’t hurt Callie like that again, either. But most of all, she couldn’t let Callie fool her into thinking that they could actually work things out, only to have it torn from her grasp again.

Of course, there had been times over the years when she’d been tempted to cross that line. Nights where she’d been drunk in her room while Sofia was asleep down the hall, and all she could do was think about Callie and sob. In her desperation to escape temptation, she’d turn off her phone and put it on the top shelf of a cabinet or a drawer. Or she’d delete Callie’s number and then get it from someone at work the next day, usually a begrudging Alex. Once, when Sofia had been at a sleepover and Andrew was at the hospital, she’d hurled her phone across the room so hard it had never turned on again. It had been soul-crushing but also easier when Callie had left, and she only had to fight the desire to send a risky text.

Her phone buzzed on the bed beside her. Her stomach dropped when she saw it was from Callie, but she was too weak not to open it. It was a picture of Sofia, smiling next to a pancake decorated in the form of a face, with blueberries for eyes and whipped-cream hair.

She says its you, the message from Callie read. And then, after a second, another message appeared. I told her no clowns. You know how I feel about those.

Arizona did, she used to tease Callie mercilessly about her fear of clowns. The thought made her want to hurl her phone across the room again, evaporating some of the warmth she felt at her daughter’s picture.

Using all the willpower in her body, she texted back, Love it, Sof! I’ll see you soon! xxx. As soon as she hit “send”, she tossed it toward the foot of the bed, and flopped back onto the pillows.

Despite everything, she really, really missed Callie.

Arizona hadn’t moved on completely the past few years, but she had moved on enough. The good stuff started to feel like a long time ago, so she could remember it without breaking down completely. She could have sex without thinking about Callie, at least a lot of the time. She could visit Sofia and Callie in New York and be okay until it was time to get wasted on the flight back to Seattle. She could talk to Callie for a few minutes when Callie called her to check on Sofia, and her stomach didn’t hurt the whole day, just a few hours.

But when she and Sofia had arrived early yesterday morning, groggy from their red-eye, the status quo had been tossed out the window when Callie had strode up to them and wrapped her arms around Arizona, concern etched into her face. “I missed you,” she’d said, and then she’d asked about the flight, and if Arizona had handled it okay. It had left Arizona feeling like she was in a dream, like the past several years of fighting, tension, and mixed signals had never happened. Callie had been so happy to see her. And of course Arizona was happy to see Callie, she always was. But when Callie was equally enthusiastic, all Arizona could do was worry about when it would stop. When would the petty or jealous sides of Callie come out? When would Arizona not be doing enough, when would she first hear the words “cheated” or “left” or “your fault”?

And maybe that was why, when they had put Sofia to bed together for the first time in years, and Callie had asked if Arizona wanted to stay for a glass of wine, she’d said yes. And why she’d agreed to more after they’d finished the first bottle, and then the second. Yes, she’d missed Callie, and was relishing in them getting along, talking and laughing more gently, making small attempts to apologize for the past without getting too deep into it. But also, when they’d gotten towards the end of the third bottle, and Callie had looked at her over the rim of her wine glass with those eyes, Arizona had known, deep down, that they hadn’t worked through anything yet, that this would be a mistake.

So if she was going to mess it up, it might as well be now. Before she got too hurt. And that wasn’t fair to Callie, because it was selfish and manipulative, but Arizona couldn’t fully push her away, didn’t know any other way to.

Fuck. I’m no worse than Callie, sleeping with me right before we got divorced, Arizona realized. At that moment, her fingers hit the bottom of her coffee cup, brushing against the last few dregs of liquid. Bits of shredded paper were scattered messily all over the bed she hadn’t slept in, and she was still wearing her clothes from the day before.

Arizona’s phone buzzed, not one of the short bursts that indicated a text, but a long buzz telling her that she had an incoming call.

Don’t be Callie, don’t be Callie, she almost prayed as she sat up to retrieve her phone, groaning a little from the pounding that was still in her head.

But it was Alex Karev’s name that flashed across the screen. Thank god. Alex wasn’t one to pry, or ask questions. He didn’t care about her unnecessarily ruining her life. He probably was calling about work, except-

“Karev, why the hell aren’t you on your honeymoon?” she demanded, the moment she picked up her phone.

“You sound cheerful today, boss.”

“I’m not your boss, Alex, and I haven’t been for a long time.” She fell back against the pillows again.

Unlike anyone else who might have called Arizona, Alex dropped it. Maybe that’s why she’d felt like she could answer the phone. “Sorry, Robbins, force of habit. We’re leaving soon, but I had to check in on a few patients before we could, which is why I’m calling so early.”

Due to how young Sofia had been at the time, Callie and Arizona hadn’t actually gone on a honeymoon. Mark had assured them he could handle Sofia if they wanted to leave town, pretending to be offended when they refused. But all three of them knew that it was just too hard to be away from her at that point, and so Mark had only taken her on their wedding night. And it had never really gotten easier, Arizona reflected, just more necessary. The rare moments when Mark had been both conscious and coherent out in the woods, he and Arizona had talked about almost nothing but Sofia, and how they missed her. They were simultaneously her best and worst memories of him.

God, what was wrong with her this morning? Somehow, it was as if sleeping with Callie had dragged up every other traumatic memory from the past as well.

“Robbins?”

“Sorry, Karev, I’m just a little out of it.”

Alex chuckled. “It’s okay, Robbins. If you have a minute, I’m passing off a few patients, and I realized I’m missing some info on the Collins baby I was hoping you could fill in. But only if you’re up for it.”

It was so unlike Alex to let someone besides Arizona be in charge of his patients for more than even a few minutes, she couldn’t help but be proud of him.

“Of course I can. What do you need?”

It took only a few minutes for them to clear up the charts. Talking about work again cleared Arizona’s head, too, grounding her and distracting her from her emotions exactly how she needed.

“Well,” said Alex. “I better get going so I can meet Jo. Thanks for picking up so early on a Sunday.”

“Of course, Alex.”

“How’s New York?” Dammit. “You sound kinda tired.” Was Alex Karev… worrying? About her? Alex usually only worried about her at her absolute lows, when she was laid up in bed with an infected leg that needed to be amputated, when her wife divorced her and her new boss was reaming her in front of the entire OR.

“Well, Alex, I’m hungover if you must know.” Arizona didn’t know why she said it, because Alex really didn’t care.

Alex chuckled. “Good for you, Robbins.”

Arizona hesitated. Part of her really did not want to think through what had just happened with Callie. But she was thinking about it, and here in New York, she didn’t have anyone else to talk to. “Actually, it’s been a disaster. Callie and I got wasted and slept together last night after Sofia went to bed.”

There was a pause.

“Alex?”

“So?”

“What do you mean, “So?””

“So… you slept together. Was that like, a surprise? I mean, the other day you were still freaking about the divorce at my wedding.”

Right, Arizona cringed. She was even more grateful to not be in Seattle in this moment.

“It’s just… we had a real chance for a new start Alex. A better environment for Sofia. That’s what really matters. And we ruined it.”

There was silence on the other end.

“You’re not saying anything.”

“I’m not getting it.”

“What, not getting what? What a complete disaster this is? How terrible it must be to be Sofia? How Callie and I are never going to - never going to work?”

“Dude, c’mon. You pull this crap with Torres all the time.”

Arizona spit out a mouth of scalding coffee. “What? What crap, Alex?”

He hesitated.

“I’m in New York,” Arizona pointed out. “I can’t come for you now.”

“Yeah, you say that now, but I know you, Robbins. You’ll kick my ass if you want to.”

“Please, just tell me,” she begged.

“Look, I’m not saying some of the shit you guys did to each other wasn’t fucked up. But you and Torres are always doing this. She does something, and you assume it means something it doesn’t, and then you don’t ask and go crazy and then she doesn’t think about why you’re upset and she goes crazy. I’ve heard it a million times. So what, you slept together? You want to know how many of my exes I’ve slept with?”

“Not really.”

“You were married. Your feelings haven’t gone away.”

“How do you know that?”

“Robbins, everyone knows it.”

Arizona groaned.

“And look. Maybe hers haven’t either. Or maybe they have and she’s lonely.”

Arizona’s heart nearly stopped as Alex so casually voiced her biggest fear.

“Just talk to her, Robbins. Just tell her why you’re freaking out instead of freaking out. Tell her what you need from her instead of assuming you won’t get it. You don’t have to be so stubborn all the time, you know.”

“If I wasn’t stubborn, who’d be there to ram a foot up your ass?”

“Well now I’m the one ramming my foot up your ass.”

“You’re right, Alex.”

“Say that again?”

Arizona rolled her eyes. “You’re right. You’ve always given me good advice when it comes to Callie.” Arizona exhaled. “I maybe don’t always listen to it. I’ll try to talk to her, Karev.”

“You better,” Alex replied. “Oh, and one other thing.”

“What?” Arizona sighed.

“Stop using Sofia as an excuse for not working through your shit.”

Even though she was used to the bluntness of her protege by now, she was still floored. “What - I’m not - we’re not-”

“I’ve been in the middle of two parents, Robbins. I know it when I see it. You guys pretend that the reason you’re not dealing with your problems is for her sake. It’s never actually about her. Can you honestly tell me that custody battle was one hundred percent about Sofia?”

Arizona was silent. A part of her had always suspected that Callie, on some deep, primal level, believed that she was Sofia’s true mother not because of biology, but because Arizona was the one who had ruined things. But even though she loved her daughter in her own right, Arizona also had always clung to Sofia because Sofia was the one piece of Callie she would always have.

“Look, Robbins. I’m not saying don’t put Sofia first. I’m saying actually put Sofia first. And using her as an excuse to not talk about shit with Callie is not putting her first.”

Fuck. Alone, fully clothed in her hotel room, Arizona suddenly felt almost as exposed as she had in front of Callie.

Fucking Karev.

“You’re a good mom, Robbins,” said Alex. “You’re just not logical when it comes to Torres. And she’s not logical when it comes to you.”

But Callie was never logical, Arizona wanted to point out. She didn’t need to be, not the way Arizona did. And that’s why Callie had always had so much more pull over Arizona than the other way around.

“Look, I hate to leave on this note, but I should really go, or Jo’s gonna kill me.”

“Okay, Alex. Thanks for talking. Be careful not to ruin my peds department when you get back.”

Alex chuckled. “I saved your peds department a long time ago, and you know it. It’s been fine for years, it’ll still be fine.”

“Don’t think I won’t find you, if you need a foot shoved up your ass again.”

“Believe me Robbins, I can’t wait for the day where you have your shit together enough to yell at me again.”

Arizona chuckled. “Really, Alex. Keep in touch. I don’t want to hear about the great work you’re doing from anyone else.”

“You too, boss.”

“And thanks again,” she added softly.

“No problem.” She could practically hear Alex shrugging on the other end, embarrassed.

“Bye, Karev.”

“Seeya, Robbins.”

Chapter Text

Despite the fact that Alex was (frustratingly) right about Sofia, Arizona was relieved when she met Callie and Sofia out front of their building a few hours later, and even more relieved when Sofia tore away from Callie to wrap her arms around Arizona’s middle.

“Careful,” Callie admonished gently. “You know Mommy’s leg doesn’t like it when you tackle it.”

You would know, considering you just stole it from me.

“Hey Sof. I heard you made pancakes this morning for breakfast.”

“I made one of you!” Sofia boasted.

“I saw. Mama sent me pictures.”

“Then we ate it.”

“Well, that’s only a little creepy.”

Over Sofia’s head, Callie shot Arizona a half-apologetic, half-amused look. “We missed you at breakfast,” Callie said lightly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Despite the fact that Callie had clothes on now, Arizona wasn’t any less attracted to her, but that was always a given.

The more she thought about it, the more she did want to explain to Callie what she was feeling. And the fact that Alex had given her permission to do so made the words burn inside of her, ready to come out. But she still felt like she couldn’t. Because it was Callie, and because she’d been the one who had taken off running when Callie had wanted to talk.

“Can we go shopping now? I’ve been waiting all morning,” said Sofia, the impatience in her tone perfectly reminiscent of Callie, and Arizona was once again grateful for that apparently-unhealthy buffering their daughter provided.

“Yes, after we go get lunch. Didn’t you want to show me that new pizza place?” Arizona asked. Sofia nodded enthusiastically.

“I really want to!”

Sofia looked expectantly at Arizona, and Callie chuckled. “She doesn’t know the way,” Callie pointed out. “C’mon.” She held out a hand, which Sofia took, grabbing Arizona’s hand with the other, already chattering as they headed down the street.

It turned out that the day did not go as terribly as Arizona had dreaded, when lying alone in her hotel room. Sure, it wasn’t easy. Everytime she looked at Callie, moments from the night before, and that morning, flashed into her head. The kissing, but also the yelling. The feeling of how right it had been, but also the feeling of the same old defeat and failure, the knowledge that she’d messed things up again. But when Callie smiled at Sofia, Arizona remembered the way the two of them had laughed in bed, together, at how much of a mess they were. It had been the first thing they’d agreed on, done together, for a long time. And it made Arizona wish that moment had extended in time, even though she’d ruined it, even though she’d spent that time waiting for the shoe to drop.

After lunch, Sofia bounced them from store to store, constantly begging Arizona to reconsider if they really needed that old piece of furniture Arizona had already had shipped from Seattle. (“I just love this lamp so much more!” she pouted at one store, again, so reminiscent of Callie that Arizona was tempted to give in. Callie, fortunately, was less easily swayed.)

The only questionable moment between Callie and Arizona came late in the afternoon, after Arizona and Sofia settled on a color for Sofia’s new curtains. Sofia took the question of which shade of green would go best seriously, and would not hear of having dinner until they had decided, even though they still had a few days before Arizona even got the keys to the new place.

“You’re really good at this,” Callie smiled as they leaned against the register, waiting for the cashier to take their order. “The colors thing. Even though I used to, you know, make fun of you for it.”

“Thanks,” said Arizona, that distinctly uncomfortable feeling creeping over her again, where she both wanted to melt directly into Callie’s praise (and Callie) and scream as she ran from her life, so she could stop wondering when this fever dream would end and things would go back to the way they’d always been.

Callie noticed the shadow that had crossed Arizona’s face. “Does it make you uncomfortable?” she asked Arizona softly. “When I compliment you like that?”

Does it make you uncomfortable? Arizona couldn’t remember the last time Callie had asked her something like that.

“Uh, sort of. But also it’s…nice.” Nice to know you think I’m competent at some things. But also, nice that Callie was complementing her again. Nice that Callie was noticing her. Speaking to her so affectionately. How long would that last? Probably until Callie got one look at Sofia’s new room and decided Arizona was making all the wrong decisions for their child. Remember, it’s not about you, Arizona reminded herself, but it still felt like it was, a little.

They were saved by Sofia finally declaring it was time for dinner, and Callie backed off again, letting the almost-genuine peace settle between them for the entirety of the meal.

After dinner, Arizona joined Callie and Sofia as they headed back to Callie’s apartment, as it was closer to the hotel. Sofia asked if Arizona would stay to tuck her in, and Arizona and Callie exchanged a glance.

“No, sweetie, I have to go get some paperwork ready. And I’ve been on my leg all day. But you know what? Mama has to go back to work tomorrow and then we’re going to spend the whole day together!”

Sofia brightened at the sound of that, and Arizona needed that validation. “Can Mama join us for dinner?” she asked. “I like when the three of us are together.”

“That depends on my surgery,” Callie said swiftly, glancing carefully at Arizona to gauge her reaction. “We’ll see how it goes.”

Arizona nodded. “We can definitely do that, if Mama can make it. And if not, we’ll have lots of other opportunities.” She did not miss the small smile that turned up the corners of Callie’s mouth, and it made her both nervous and excited.

“Thanks for coming,” Callie said.

“Yeah, thanks Mommy,” Sofia added. “I’m super excited about my room.”

“I know.” Arizona carefully knelt to give her daughter a full-bodied hug. “I’m excited too. We’re gonna have so much fun when our stuff arrives from Seattle.”

When she pulled back from Sofia and straightened up, she looked at Callie. There was still something in her ex-wife’s eye. Still a look. They’d slept together almost twenty-four hours ago, Arizona realized. It simultaneously felt like twenty-four minutes and twenty-four years.

“Well,” said Arizona, giving Sofia one last hug, “Good night.”

Callie opened her mouth as if to say something, and then shut it again.

“See you later, Callie,” said Arizona, then she moved towards the door.

After it closed behind her, she could hear Callie and Sofia’s muffled voices in a blend of English and Spanish. But it was the finality of the bolt sliding in the door behind her that made her stop, and lean back against the wall.

One goal. She’d had one goal today. To talk to Callie. To explain how she felt. And she’d chickened out before she could. And that wasn’t fair to her. And especially not to Callie.

She was suddenly reminded of a time when a door had been closed between her and Callie before, not behind her back, as she left, but to her face, when she’d gotten off the plane from Africa. God, she’d missed Callie so much it hurt. She still did, in fact. But then, she’d been so convinced she was right, so convinced Callie still loved her, that she had pushed through, held her ground, until Callie had let her back in, even though perhaps neither of them were fully ready.

And then had come Sofia.

So what was so different now? But Arizona already knew the answer to that, even though she didn’t want to admit it.

Finally, she pushed back off the wall, and turned, striding back up to the door, and rapping purposefully.

After only a few seconds, Arizona heard the bolt slide back and Callie opened the door, Sofia a few feet behind her. “Did you forget-”

“Can we talk?” Arizona asked abruptly. “I mean, just the two of us.”

Relief flooded Callie’s face. “Sure. Sofia, I need to talk to Mommy for a second. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Sofia nodded. “Hi again, Mommy,” she called, and Arizona managed to wrestle up a grin, despite what she knew she had to say. “Hi Sof.”

And then, Callie was out in the hall, shutting the door behind her. “What’s up?” she asked softly, her face etched with concern, but also hope.

It was the hope that broke Arizona.

Taking Callie’s face in her hands, Arizona seized her ex-wife, pulled her to her, in a maddening, completely sober kiss. Callie responded instantly and enthusiastically, one hair weaving through Arizona’s locks and the other wrapping around her waist. For a moment, there was no Sofia, no awkward possibly-or-possibly-not-one-night-stand, and no distance or time between them, no break. Just the two of them, the way it had always felt meant to be, Arizona thought, even as Callie’s lips crushed her own.

Arizona pulled back suddenly.

“Is - is everything alright?” Callie asked.

“I’m sorry.” Arizona covered her face with her hand. “I shouldn’t have done that, I didn’t mean to do that.”

Callie’s face fell, and Arizona was actually surprised to see how devastated she looked.

“Wait, what? No…”

“I love you,” Arizona choked out. “From the moment we woke up, Calliope, I’ve been so happy to be with you, but also so tense. Because I don’t know when it will end. I don’t know when we’re going to mess this all up again. I’m still too hurt, still too afraid of messing this up to move forward. I can’t be around you, and Sofia, and enjoy our time if I’m afraid all the time. And I came here to tell you that, and I’ve messed it all up.”

Callie inhaled sharply, still shaken from that kiss. Arizona couldn’t blame her - she was too. She expected Callie to snap at her, to tell her to stop sending mixed signals, and Arizona didn’t know how to tell Callie that everything in her head right now was mixed.

But instead, all Callie said was, “I uh, I really hurt you, the way I left. Didn’t I?”

Arizona was shocked.“Both times,” she said, softly, after a moment’s pause.

“You were never one to jump into things,” said Callie. “I should have known.”

“I’m not saying no,” said Arizona. “I’m saying I - I need time.”

“I suppose saying “Sorry” doesn’t cut it? But maybe it’s a start?”

“It’s a start,” Arizona confirmed. “And I’m sorry, too. For… for destroying things when what I needed to do was talk to you. And I’m sorry for kissing you - and for running out this morning - I know I shouldn’t have done any of that.”

“Stop, Arizona, you don’t need to apologize. God knows I’ve made you apologize enough.”

The other stuff, maybe. But cheating wasn’t something you just got over. If Callie had, would she have really tried to take Sofia and move to New York? And if Arizona hadn’t felt so guilty, so in love with Callie, would she have let her after everything?

Arizona locked eyes with Callie, measuring the earnestness. God, she had missed those eyes.

“That’s exactly the problem, Callie. I believe you, and I want it, but I haven’t fully accepted it yet.”

The earnestness disappeared from Callie’s eyes in an instant, and it made Arizona sad, because she never wanted to make Callie sad, even though maybe, just maybe, this would make them both less sad.

“Okay,” said Callie quietly. “I, uh, understand. But this isn’t the end of the conversation.”

“About us getting over our shit? Or us getting back together?” Arizona asked.

“Both. But for now, I’ll settle for the first. Don’t think I won’t come knocking on the second one again, though, Arizona.” God, confident Callie was so hot. It felt good to picture a world where Callie wanted her the way she wanted Callie.

“Is that so?” Arizona replied.

Callie folded her arms. “I’ll give you space, Arizona. But I’m still me. You can’t expect me to hold off forever. And next time you kiss me, you better be all in.”

“Deal,” replied Arizona.

She couldn’t expect Callie to hold off forever. And maybe that was what she needed, too. For Callie to push, just the right amount. After all, if Callie hadn’t pushed her, after that kiss in Joe’s, would they have ever gotten together? Sometimes, Arizona was too clinical, to scared to let things in, and for a time, at least, Callie had been the antidote to that.

Callie smiled. “Are we cool on last night, then? And just now?”

And suddenly, it wasn’t the image of them together the night before that flashed into Arizona’s mind, but the smile on Callie’s face when she’d woken up to find Arizona in her bedroom. The sadness on Callie’s face when Arizona broke the kiss, just now.

“It was probably a mistake,” Arizona admitted, “But what’s one little mistake, when we’ve already made a thousand? Yes, Callie, we’re more than cool.” If they were going to hold onto the present, they’d never let go of the past. And I’ve missed you.

God, Callie’s smile could still kill her. It always would.

“Well, I should get in, to check on Sofia. I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow morning?”

“Yup, I’ll be here at eight to get Sofia.”

“Great.” The two lingered awkwardly. Arizona wondered if they were going to hug, but she wasn’t sure what that mean, and apparently, Callie didn’t want to chance it, either, because she turned slowly and reached for the door.

“Callie?” Callie paused, hand on the knob. “Tell Sofia I love her.”

“Of course,” she nodded and then disappeared back into the apartment. Arizona remained in the hall, but this time, she did not feel left behind.

Chapter Text

(4 months later)

Beside her in the driver’s seat, Callie was grumbling a little, but Arizona was honestly having a tough time keeping track of exactly what Callie’s complaints were.

“-could have caught an Uber-”

“You’re really pretty,” Arizona told her.

Stopped at a red light, Callie did a double-take. “What?”

“You’re really pretty,” Arizona repeated. She had been thinking it the moment Callie had shown up at the bar in a leather jacket and old leggings, hair thrown loosely into a ponytail, clearly in the middle of a comfortable Friday night, while Sofia slept over at a friend’s. She had even whispered it to Nicole Herman, who had dryly replied, “Quit being a sap, Robbins.”

A small smile flitted across Callie’s lips as the light turned green. She tossed a small glance Arizona’s way, a sweet expression on her face. She looked… something, but Arizona was too drunk to remember the word.

“You know, I would have taken an Uber,” Arizona said after a moment. “I’m not that drunk.”

“We’ll see about that when we get you home,” Callie replied.

“I’m not. I’m just drunk enough to want to see you.”

Again, Callie did not respond, but a small smile crossed her face again and her fingers drummed lightly on the steering wheel. Such a pretty face, Arizona thought.

Things had been good between the coparents for the past few months. Alex had been right - making a decision about Callie that had nothing to do with Sofia had been good for both of them, had been what they’d both needed to separate parenting their daughter from their own interpersonal problems.

And they were having more fun together too, although that was a newer thing that had happened, only months after long-but-careful talks about the past. Spontaneously grabbing lunch or coffee if Arizona had a procedure at Callie’s hospital. Laughing together so loudly in the movies that Sofia no longer wanted to spend time with the the both of them, together. They were getting more comfortable, now that they had emotionally aired some of their grievances. They had their own friendship, outside of Sofia, which was nice, too.

But despite everything, Arizona was holding back. Callie could tell, even before Callie had bluntly pointed out out that she could tell, she knew Callie could tell. And Callie had been patient. But she also hadn’t put up boundaries, and despite Arizona’s fear that they were about to cross a line they couldn’t undo, repeat their tragic history all over again, the closer they got, the harder it was for Arizona to pull away, too.

Which was why she’d drunkenly called Callie when Nicole had told her she was hammered.

Callie pulled up to the curb in a no-parking zone and put the car in park.

“Okay, Arizona, we’re right out front and I am not finding parking at this time of night. Can you call me when you get up?”

Arizona nodded, but bossy Callie was hot Callie, and she wasn’t ready to go up yet. Instead, she just smiled. A small, tiny, almost-sober voice far at the back of her mind, was screaming for her to stop, to remember what had happened last time, but a louder, more drunk voice reasoned that she had gotten so drunk precisely because that was what she needed to take the next step.

“I’m a big girl, Calliope.”

“I know you are.” And then - “Hey, you called me Calliope.”

“It wasn’t on purpose, but I don’t take it back. If that’s okay with you?”

Callie chuckled. “Yeah, Arizona, it is okay with me, as long as you promise you’re not going around calling other girls Calliope.”

Was she… flirting?

“Never,” Arizona declared, leaning close enough that Callie’s scent lingered all around her. “They couldn’t live up to the name.” There was a pause, but Arizona couldn’t tell if it was awkward or not.”Thanks for coming to get me.”

Callie smiled. “Anytime. I know I uh, bitched at you, but-”

Arizona leaned forward and kissed her, softly and carefully, despite the alcohol, the same way she had in the dirty bar bathroom, all those years ago. She pulled back, and then, staring into Callie’s warm, welcoming eyes, leaned forward again, kissing Callie more fervently, hands cradling her precious face. And Callie responded, for a few sweet, blissful seconds, until-

“Arizona.”

Callie pulled back, concerned. Why would she be concerned? Arizona wondered. Hadn’t she said she wanted this? Had she changed her mind?

“I’m all in,” Arizona told her boldly, surprised at the words coming from her own mouth.

“Not like this,” said Callie quietly. “This is what we did last time.”

“It’s not what we did last time,” Arizona insisted, trailing a hand sloppily down Callie’s cheek. “We’ve talked. And you’re sober.”

“Oh, I hate being the sober one right now,” Callie complained, more to herself than Arizona.

“I have a lot of bottles in my apartment.”

“Arizona. If we’re going to do this, we need to do it in a way where there’s not a 50% chance you’ll regret it in the morning.”

Arizona pouted. “What do you mean, regret it?”

“I mean the two of us whisper-yelling at each other across the room while we fight over your leg.”

Arizona grimaced. “That was a low, wasn’t it?”

Callie shrugged. “Relatively speaking. Look, I just… I want you. So much. But I want you to be comfortable. I want to know your boundaries. That’s not something we can talk about right now.” Hearing Callie say the word “boundaries” was so funny, Arizona thought, but also, so sweet. She had grown in their time apart, she had reflect on what had gone wrong. And she had learned.

“I love you,” said Arizona.

And without missing a beat, Callie replied. “I know. I love you too.”

Arizona smiled stupidly as a fresh wave of drunken euphoria swept through her. “And you’re still not coming up?”

Callie reached out, tucked a strand of hair behind her head. “Not tonight, okay?”

Arizona continued to pout, sensing it was having an effect on Callie. I love you too. The words echoed in her mind, somehow more precious than the first time she heard them, because it was still possible for Callie to love her.

“Look,” said Callie. “Why don’t I find somewhere to park, and I’ll take you up and get you to bed - with all your clothes on- and when you can’t sleep off that hangover, I’ll take you to brunch, okay?”

Arizona beamed. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

xxxxxxxxxxx

Arizona woke with the usual head-pounding that accompanied a night out with Nicole Herman. Sitting up in bed, she tried to collect her thoughts. It didn’t feel like a wild night - she hadn’t been ridiculously drunk, and she’d gone home before midnight - no, Callie had taken her home.

And then she remembered the kiss, and vague images of clinging onto Callie in the elevator, the two of them laughing, and Callie, tucking her into bed - and fuck. She couldn’t remember much of anything else, or what Callie had said to her, and what she’d said to Callie.

Trying not to panic, Arizona sat up and brushed a large, matted mass of blonde hair out of her eyes. The bed was empty, and showed no signs of having been slept in by anyone but her - why did that make her so sad? Shouldn’t that be a relief?

“Callie?” she called. No response. “Callie?” she raised her voice. But her apartment was still.

Groaning, she reached for her phone. She had no missed calls, no texts. She hadn’t sent any texts, either, and her last call to Callie had been at ten-thirty, presumably when she was still at the bar. Jamming her thumb at Callie’s number on her screen, she quickly dialed her ex-wife.

“Arizona?” She was relieved Callie had picked up so quickly, but also, she hadn’t planned what she was going to say.

“Callie. I - didn’t wake you up, did I?”

Callie laughed. “Arizona, it’s almost noon.”

“Oh. I - what - what happened last night?”

Callie’s voice suddenly got somber. “What, you mean you can’t remember?”

“Remember what?” Arizona wracked her brains, but the one kiss in the car was the only one she could remember. And every instance of the two of them in the bed - they’d been fully clothed. And she hadn’t been that drunk, had she?

“How you called me and told you that you needed me, and then you professed your love to me and apologized for not being perfect. Then you took me upstairs and we made sweet, sweet love and you made me promise to never leave you again, and as soon as you fell asleep... I left. Yeah, I was considering not even picking up your call, maybe ghosting. But, you know, we have a daughter together, so I figured, might as well do it formally.” As Callie spoke, her voice began to drip with sarcasm, and the heart-stopping feeling of dread in panic in Arizona’s chest slowly melted.

“Real funny, Calliope.”

“Hey, I thought so.”

“You suck at jokes.”

Arizona could hear Callie’s smile through the other end. “Nothing happened, Arizona. We just - we kissed. And then I said we’d talk tomorrow.”

“And?” Arizona demanded.

“Well, we’re talking now.”

“So?”

“So… do you want me to come over and drag your ass to brunch as your date, or as your ex-wife and coparent?”

Arizona hesitated.

“Look, Arizona, I-”

“Your date, Callie. I want to be your date.” And despite the pounding in her head, nothing had ever felt clearer.

“Gotcha,” said Callie. Gotcha. And that was… that? “I’ll be by in thirty.”

“Okay.” By in thirty. Simple, but mundane. Arizona beamed at no one in particular, not quite wanting to hang up and end the moment.

“Arizona?”

“Calliope?”

“Not that I don’t love you and everything, but hearing you breathe on the other end is freaking me out, so I’m gonna go. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Sounds good.”

Arizona hung up and fell back against her pillows. She needed to get ready - she was pretty sure she was a mess, and she wanted to look her best for Callie. But she needed a minute, too. Part of her didn’t believe she’d done it. That she’d taken the leap - that she’d decided, on her own time, that she was ready. Part of her was still scared, still unsure of how to move forward with Callie, if the not-dragging-up-the-past would all fall apart with one fight.

But mostly, she just couldn’t wait for brunch.