Archive of Our Own ^beta

Anri had a bad feeling.
Well, she always had, ever since she moved with her family.
Somewhere unfamiliar. Away from everything she's known. Away from Charles.
She always tried to hide it, but she was worried sick for him. Maybe it was stupid to feel this way. Maybe she should be focusing on everything else now. But she just can't help it.
Before they left he-
He wanted to commit suicide. Together with her. She always knew he was suffering, but still...
"Miss Warhol?"
"U-um yes?"
"Could you solve this equation?"
"Y-yes, Teacher."
She solves it correctly, and avoids her classmates's whispering. Right... she needs to focus on school. No more worrying. She's just overthinking as always.
Yet still... Something was itching in the back of her mind.

anri: hey eyler
anri: u there?

She stares at the screen of her phone, waiting for a response.

C: yeah?
C: whats up?
anri: just wanted to know if ur ok
anri: hru?

Charles looks at those words. Meaningless. Those words mean nothing. She doesn't care. No one does.
He moves his fingers over to the keyboard and-
"What are you doing?"
Ah. Of course.
"Texting a friend. What does it look like?"
"You're wasting your time. And her's too. You know she's just being polite."
"I..."
"Well, we don't really have to worry about her anymore. It's actually a good thing she moved, she was wasting your time with useless things."
"Is having someone to care about useless?"
"You didn't love her. Neither did she love you. And you know that well. She just kept dragging you to places only to brag about it to her "friends" later."
"..."
"Now she's finally out of your life, and you can focus on everything else."
"Just... Let me text bac-"

Scarlett takes the phone and turns it's screen off.

"Hey! You-"
"Stop spending time with doing worthless things and go back to class already. I'm getting tired of your excuses."

Charles lashes forward. He hates her. She ruines everything. She keeps ruining everything. It's all her fault.
He raised his fist and...
But the only thing he hits is his reflection staring at him from the school bathroom's dirty mirror.

anri: charles
anri: u there?

Anri presses her lips together. So something is wrong.
She wanted to say it. She wanted to say how worried she is. She wanted to say how angry she is. She wanted to say that she never wanted to leave him behind. She wanted to say how much she hates everything. Her parents. Her brother. Her school. Her job. Everything. But...

anri: ok if ur gonna do this then fine
anri: i need to get back to class
anri: bye

The rest of the day went on as usual. School, work, and then going back home and spending time sitting on the floor of his brother's room.
Anri was jealous of her brother who could do anything he wanted. They never got upset at him. If she did the same things, they'd probably go as far as kicking her out. They never realize how much she's doing. No one notices.Not even Charles.
Charles... right. She looked at her phone again. Still... no reply.
It was so frustrating. He always does this. He's probably thinking that he'll just bother her with this. But that wasn't the case. She wanted to hear him open up, tell her what's wrong, just anything.
She wondered if maybe she should do the same. Try and forget about him as if the time that they spent together never happened. But... She couldn't. She couldn't stop caring. Not even now.
Anri glanced over at her brother. Henry was playing some anime dating simulator game. Ugh.
She still wished she could do the same. Lock herself in and live in her own little world, rotting away in her room. What will even become of Henry like this? There's no point in trying now. He's a useless, lazy piece if shit. But he's her brother. And... it's not his fault he's this way. It's her parent's. They let him become like this and didn't do anything. And they still don't.
...
She felt like running away sometimes.
Leaving all of this behind.
Maybe she could finally do what she wants that way.
That's why...
That's why she was so happy when Charles asked her to.
But Charles lied.
He's a liar.
She...
She didn't want to die.
Even if there's nothing for her in this life...
She wanted to keep on going.
Why is it that way?
Is she-
Is she just that afraid...
...to die?
Ah. So that was it. She was afraid of death. She was afraid of losing Charles to it too.
No. Charles won't die. He told her that he will survive to become a doctor for his mother's sake. Though...

"I dont think I'll live any longer than Mother will."

Don't think about this. Just stop. She's overthinking. She's just worrying too much like always.
She can't handle this right now.
So instead she decided to try and approach her brother.

"How you liking the new place?"
"Meh. It's not that bad."
"You should come outside."
"Why?"
"I saw a pizza place on my way home. Maybe we could check it out?"
"Can't you just bring me food here?"
"..."
"Listen. You can't keep doing this. You know that, right?"
"Why couldn't I? I hate everyone and everything else. Why would I go out?"
"You say you hate everyone but they're so patient with you, y'know? They all care about you, even when you're just a lazy piece of shit rotting in front of your computer."
"...Shut up."

Anri sighed.

"You know what? Whatever. I don't have the energy for this right now. I'm just...so tired.

With those words, she sits down on his bed and collapses.
...
She really didn't want to cry.
She just couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
So there she lay.
Weeping.
Her makeup now ruined and dark stains all over her face.

A few moments later, she feels arms hugging around her. Henry buried his face in her shirt and sat there silently.
Anri embraced him too and began patting his back.
They sat there like that for a good while.

"Do you miss our old home?" Henry asks quietly, barely audible.
"I..."
"Yeah"
...
"No, I think I just miss Charles."
"School sucked there too."
"They sucked there too."
"Everyone was always like this."
"But I'm just worried what will happen to him without me."

"Is he your boyfriend or something?"

Anri lets out a bitter laugh.

"I don't even know anymore."
"Weirdos."

She closed her eyes, and let her mind drift off. Maybe she shouldn't be so worried. Charles is strong. She is strong. Everything will eventually work out somehow. Things always did.
...
But still...
...
She couldn't chase that awful feeling away.

Charles opened the door and stepped inside his home. His head has been aching horribly all day. It's probably from the lack of sleep. He walks into the bathroom and looks in the mirror. Ugh. Awful eyebags.
...
He sees her standing in the doorway. Charles sighs.
"What is it now? Can't you just leave me alone?"
"Stop with that attitude. You know I'm only trying to help you."

Charles lets out a bitter laugh.

"What are you laughing about?"
"Helping me, huh... You're making everything worse."
"If it wasn't for me, you'd be nothing. At least this way you'll be somewhat worthy to Mother."
"You ruined everything. And keep ruining everything. I just... want to live my life normally."
"Like all those others at your school? Selfish, contaminated, their faces distorted. Do you want to become one of them?"
"...At least they're happy."
"They're not. They're just pretending to be. They're selfish and using others for their own good. And you know that better than anyone else."
"I'm too tired for this..."
"Go rest a bit then, you wont be able to focus like this. But check on Mother first. And then study. The trial is soon."
"I know, I know..."

Charles stepped inside his mother's room.
"Good evening, Mother. How are you feeling?"

She looked really pale. More so than usual.

"I'm alright I guess... How's school?"
"It's been going alright. Been studying a lot."
"Don't push yourself too hard."
"I... okay."
"Be a good girl, okay?"

A pause. Silence.

"Alright."

Charles leaves the room and enters his own. He turns on his computer, only to see another message from Anri.

anri: hey charles
anri: im kinda worried abt you
anri: u know i just wanna know how youve been doing
anri: is your mom holding up alright?

Crap. He wanted to text back, he really did but... Is it worth it at this point?
Still, he must be worrying her a lot so...

C: Hi, um sorry for dissappearing
C: Im fine, schools been stressful is all
C: And i dont really know tbh
C: She looks really pale and sick, more so than usual
C: How have you been tho? Is the new place alright?

Charles sits at his desk for a few moments, then decides to take his pills until Anri texts back. Scarlett can't ruin this too. And besides, he plans on studying anyways. He just has to let Anri know that everything's fine.

Anri texts back 7 minutes later.

anri: wow u actually texted back

anri: sorry just uh
anri: didnt really expect that
anri: anyways i hope youre mom will feel better
anri: and its not that bad i guess
anri: classmates are assholes but idc at this point
anri: my brothers being a lazy ass as usual
anri: works... its fine i guess
anri: i get some money for my efforts
anri: and i dont have to be at home in that time so i guess its nice
C: Its okay, and um yeah, sorry
C: Is your brother still not leaving his room?
anri: no, mom and dad thought maybe this is what he needs but nope, everythings the same as always
anri: i lashed out at him a bit today
anri: and now i feel bad
C: Why? I mean he kind of deserves it or... i dont know
anri: its not his fault hes this way
anri: its my parents
anri: he got used to getting everything he wants from them
anri: and besides, i think he got bullied a lot in school so thats also why
anri: i mean i get him but running away isnt gonna solve anything
anri: still
anri: maybe its better than what i was doing
C: Mhm
C: Anyways.
C: Its "your"
anri: what
C: You said "youre mom"
anri: oh fuck off
C: your
anri: im seriously considering blocking you

anri: anyways gtg study, just wanted to check up on you
C: Ah okay, and same
C: Good luck with studying
anri: hey charles
C: yeah?
anri: dont push yourself too hard, ok?
C: Okay.

Both turn away from their computers, open their school books and begin studying. Both doing the same thing, but so far away.

Anri wonders if they'll ever meet in person again. Or if they'll continue talking at all.
It doesn't matter.
Everything was fine after all.
It was just overthinking again.
And she knew that.

Still...

That itch wouldn't leave her mind.