Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shigeo knew he needed help. Telling his parents wasn't an option, no need to bother them and not like they cared anyway. Teachers pretended not to notice, no help from them either. So that neon "Consultation office" sign seemed very attractive. Maybe if he pays, someone will help him.

"Hello?", Shigeo quietly asked, closing the door behind him.

He heard voices from one of the rooms and followed them. Two men: one really tall with dark wavy hair in a sweater and jeans and the other one - a shorter blonde in a dark grey suit. The blonde was leaning on a table and enthusiastically telling the other man something. His black glassy eyes gazed at the boy and he went silent. His expression changed in less than a second and he stepped towards the boy with a bright smile.

"Good afternoon, welcome to Spirits and such Consultation office, my name is Reigen Arataka", he held out his hand. "How may I help you?" he said syllable by syllable.

Shigeo didn't know what to say. The other man grabbed some papers from the table and left.

"Please, don't just stand there, come in", Reigen invited the boy and sat him down on an armchair, he himself sat across the table and started analyzing Shigeo with his eyes.

"I..." Shigeo started quietly, "I thought these were just consultations. Excuse me."

"Just consultations?" the blonde raised a brow. "We do all kinds of consultations here, look, it says "and such". You are not mistaken by any means."

"I need a psychological consultation, you know?" Shigeo said after a bit of thinking.

"Yes, I thought so", he said with a warm smile. "Can I offer you anything to drink? Coffee, tea? Have you seen the price list?"

"Umm, I have 3000 yen, would that be enough?"

"I'll give you a discount. So, coffee or tea?"

"Water, please."

Shigeo was offered a seat on a couch, so he sat there with a glass of water in his hand conscious to start.

"Let's introduce ourselves first", said Reigen with a notebook in his hands. "My name is Reigen Arataka."

"I'm Kageyama Shigeo."

"How old are you, Kageyama? You don't mind me calling you that?"

"I'm fourteen."

"Oh, I'm exactly twice you age!" Reigen let out a little laugh. "Tell me a little about yourself: where do you go to school, what are your hobbies..."

"I go to middle school, I'm a second-year at Salt", Shigeo stopped and looked at Reigen. He was carefully listening.

"I work out in my free time, you know, running and stuff. I don't have a lot of friends. Guys from the club, maybe. Oh, and a have a younger brother, Ritsu. That's it, I think."

"Oh, that's great. You wanna go pro or just... for fun?"

"Yeah, for fun. I want to become stronger and... you know."

"It's amazing how you are working hard to reach your goals. Mhm..." Reigen paused for a bit. "Did you want to talk about something specific or?"

"Yes, specific." Shigeo looked at Reigen. "Well, I... I sometimes, uh... When I get really mad", he started again, "I lose it. Completely. Sometimes I don't even remember what was happening during that, uhm, outburst. I hurt people and-", he stopped again, biting his lip nervously. "I don't want to be like that. I want to be normal."

Reigen swallowed a nervous lump in his dry throat. Usually people come with different stories. He didn't want to trick a kid but neither did he want to lose money.

"And when did these... anger outbursts first start?"

"I was about ten", Shigeo began.

***

The sun began to set and Shigeo squirmed on the couch.

"Alright, our time is almost up", Reigen said. "I hope you observe yourself this week like I said. You don't mind meeting again, right? One session couldn't be enough."

Kageyama replayed with an "of course".

"Is same time next week alright?"

"Yeah", Kageyama replied quietly.

"Thank you."

"Don't bother", Reigen waved him away getting up from his armchair. "Thank you for your trust. See you."

Shigeo left the room and that dark haired man from earlier was walking towards him. He nodded and smiled, Shigeo awkwardly nodded back. The man entered Reigen's office with some documents and closed the door.

Shigeo Kageyama did need help. But no one except for him and the people he hurt noticed it. His outbursts began four years ago, he hit some kid on the street really hard then. The fact that he ran away and left him crying made him feel even worse, but he definitely couldn't tell his parents.

The next big incident didn't happen right away, only in his last year of elementary school. Kageyama was twelve. Because of his weak body and dumb face his classmates liked to bully him, but Shigeo was a nice kid, he didn't want to be like them. Minori Asagiri bullied him for years but it all ended suddenly. On the last day of elementary school he was beaten up so bad he could barely breathe, and while he was laying on the asphalt and listening to Minori and her buddies' scathing laughter, something shattered inside. He didn't remember anything but when he woke up, those cruel kids were writhing in pain around him. Minori was in front of him crying, hoping for forgiveness. Shigeo just left then. And that night he couldn't fall asleep, he was sitting beside on the floor, legs tucked up, and tried to calm that mad heartbeat of his.

That wasn't the last time. Shigeo looked weak and every idiot with a fat ego found it crucial to give him a cuff or a slap or pour something over him. By the end of the first year he ran out of his patience and it all ended with a few broken noses, one broken arm and a bunch of scratches and bruises. Shigeo was yelled at a bunch of times but he couldn't remember anything. He didn't even know what he was apologizing for. But he had to keep it for himself, he wasn't a psycho. He didn't want to be a psycho. Kageyama signed up for the body improvement club hoping to take out his anger. But nothing was working. At first it was splashes of blood on the walls, then broken things, and the he suddenly woke up holding Ritsu by his collar, pressing him into the walls of his very own room. Shigeo apologized a million times and then it was decided - he was definitely a psycho.

***

Reigen crossed his legs and started staring in his notebook, fiddling with his pen.

"I’m thinking 'bout where we should begin. Last time you described your outbursts and we talked about certain cases. Well, the problem’s identified. Now it’s all about solving", he chuckled. "Tell me about your childhood. Anything that comes to mind: what were you like, what friends’d you have, how your parents and brother were like - anything."

"I’ll try."

How was his childhood like? Shigeo’s memory was patchy. Shigeo is four and he’s getting scolded by his kindergarten teacher for not giving his toy to some girl he didn’t even know. Shigeo is five and he’s getting yelled at by his mother for scratching his knees. Shigeo is six, someone stuck their foot out for him to trip. Shigeo is seven, he’s left without dinner for the forth day in a row because of his first failed test. He barely remembered his parents. Honestly, he didn’t remember their faces until he was like eight. In his early childhood parents were only fighting and eventually stopped talking at all. Left the house early, came back late. Didn’t ask anything. Just lectured about the importance of school every once in a while.

Shigeo was an average kid. He was kind, quiet, liked animals. Looked after his younger brother, took walks around the town, was friends with Tsubomi and kids from his elementary. He wasn’t particularly great at anything, didn’t stand out like Ritsu did. Shigeo used to look after the younger boy but then Ritsu grew up and didn’t need the help anymore. Shigeo now needed his help. Ritsu… Ritsu was everything Shigeo was not. Smart, attractive, athletic. Even before middle school he was popular. And definitely did a better job at attracting people than Shigeo. Parents didn’t care about both children but about Ritsu, not so much. And Shigeo couldn’t decide what’s better: not getting any attention at all or only having them care about your academic achievements?

Kageyama wasn’t the jealous type but at times those dirty thoughts filled him up: "Why them. Why not me?". When Minori was pouring milk all over him for no reason, when he was being pushed into the walls, when classmates were stepping on his hands, tearing his clothes and putting out the matches on his skin, when his things were being thrown away into the river and when that cruel, cruel-cruel-cruel girl was cutting his hands with a box cutter. She was looking at his tears, his blood and smiling. Shigeo could never forget that smile. Why him. Why was it him. If Shigeo was such an ordinary kid, why’d Minori choose him? And why does no one else, no one good, ever choose him. Why can’t he be chosen by Tsubomi, who has forgotten an old friend, when he stopped being convenient. Why can’t his own parents choose him? Why can’t they love their own son? Why can’t he be chosen as a friend, a boyfriend, as someone? Everything left for him is to stay back and wait. Until someone finally loves him. Even though he doesn’t deserve this love.

***

A few weeks had passed, Shigeo was headed towards "Spirits and such"excited for his session. Of course he’s always uncomfortable in the beginning of their hour but opens up eventually, Reigen’s little pieces of advice really did help. No outbursts this week, which made him overwhelmingly joyful. The office was silent, no Reigen or that man around. Kageyama knocked and quietly opened the door. He wasn’t sure he was allowed to do that but still sat himself down on the couch. The sound of footsteps was coming from the hall and the boy took of his backpack to make himself more comfortable. A pen fell out of it and rolled under the couch somewhere, Shigeo got up to get it. He was crawling behind the piece of furniture, when those footsteps entered the room.

"…all clear now", he heard Reigen’s voice. "It’s the perfect time for a new case."

"Do you really need more? Should I remind you of how it was like in Kioto?" - another, unfamiliar, voice said.

"Don’t compare this to Kioto."

"And why is that?"

"Because I am a fucking genius, Katsuya!", Reigen cried out and cut himself off.

Shigeo understood that he needed to get up before it’s too late but was too afraid to make a move.

"Genius, ha… If we get caught again, I’m not following you."

"Don’t play innocent, we were working together and I didn’t hold you. And whatcha gonna do? Turn yourself in?"

"As if… Fine, if the sce-", "Tsk!"- he was interrupted by Reigen. And the boy heard footsteps.

"Kageyama, what are you doing here?", he asked with a bright smile.

"I, umm, I dropped…"

"Go on, get up", the man started to help him.

"I wanted to get out but I got scared…"

"It’s alright, alright", Reigen almost whispered, sitting Shigeo down on the couch. He gazed at him with a smile, only it didn’t seem as warm as before.

Shigeo sighed. His brain knew to shut up. But lips moved on their own.

"You… You’re not a therapist, are you?" Reigen’s smile slowly faded. And the boy was pierced with Katsuya’s cold stare. The blonde scoffed and pulled on his smile again.

"You caught me. I don’t have a license, But if it helps, I did study psychology and therapy methods", Reigen stood up and turned around, slowly walking towards the window. "You really do need a qualified specialist, I did help you a bit, sure, but I think you aggression is a quite serious issue…"

"Who are you?"

"I’m Reigen Arataka, a consultant."

"No, who are you really?"

"I just said…"

"Who are you?"

"Listen, kid, why the hell should we tell you anything?", started the dark-haired man in a deep voice.

"Ha-ah", Reigen sighed, "Boy. Why do you need to know who am I? Wanna tell someone? They won’t believe you anyway", he shrugged his shoulders.

"I want to know who you are", Shigeo continued stubbornly.

"Okay, I’ll tell you", Reigen finally agreed. "But you’ll help me with something, alright?"

"With what?" "It’s a secret."

"Arataka…", began the dark-haired man.

"A secret for a secret. So?"

Shigeo was thinking. If those guys really are criminals, they can just kill him on the spot if he refuses. Why did he even ask? Why is he always so cunning yet curious? Shigeo nodded.

"You’re criminals, aren’t you?"

"Almost. Con artists."

"Arataka!", the man burst out but Reigen covered his mouth with a finger and went on:

"We used to be con artists. Now we’re… on vacation."

"Vacation?"

"Vacation. But we got business soon. Big business. And you are gonna help us."

"Sorry?", said Shigeo.

"Sorry?", the man said.

"Refusing isn’t an option anymore", Reigen said and sat himself down in the armchair, grinning like he just won the lottery.

Chapter Text

"Are you out of your fucking mind?!" hissed the dark-haired man and grabbed Reigen’s wrist, pulling him out of the room. His angry eyes fixed on Shigeo and he ordered: "Move and you’re dead."

The man pushed Reigen into some room and almost yelled: "The hell are you doing? So you’ve gone completely mad?"

"Hey, chill out", Reigen smiled, taking the dark-haired guy’s strong hands off of him. "Serizawa, you are, of course, talented but you’re a riskophobe. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Capische?"

"No" answered Serizawa coldly.

"We need this kid", Arataka spun on his heels and grabbed a candy from a glass jar. "He is, let’s be honest, troubled. And also not that innocent. He beats people to within an inch of their lives and doesn’t even remember it. If desired, he can easily be sent to a psych ward", he put the mint drop on his tongue, "But he looks innocent. He’s a child. And he will be trusted. Don’t know if you’re aware but people are more likely to trust women and children. And us - we are two big scary dudes" he said poking a finger in the man’s chest. "My plan won’t work without him."

Reigen left the room and returned to his office.

"Shigeo", he smiled, "Coffee, tea?"

***

Reigen is twenty eight and of course it wasn’t always like this. He wasn’t even always called Reigen. Before opening the agency and working in peace, partners have had both big and small deals.

Reigen has always been a creative kid, but when he was kicked out of the house, he had to spend his creativity on not such great things. He was a kind boy, but if you grow up without a single responsible adult at least slightly interested in your life around, it’s easy to lose the right path. All his escapades and school demerits mixed into a mess, parents got angry and promised to send him somewhere far away, if he doesn’t pull himself together. School was over, the boy was even accepted to some university and everything seem fine. But just one wrong step became the last bit, and a failed accidental coming-out turned that mysterious "somewhere far away" into a nearby rail station.

Wakayama prefecture was nothing special, Reigen never liked it there. A little town, where everyone knew everyone and there’s absolutely nothing to do. His first idea was to leave for some big city without neither money, nor a plan. A guy barely of age had been surviving as he could on his little savings, until his charisma and a handsome face finally played into his hands - some girl, a daughter of a director of a sketchy circus troupe, madly fell in love with him. He couldn’t miss this opportunity, and Reigen became some sort of administrator or an errand boy. And that forgotten creativity had awaken in him: his sweet talk flowed into the ears of all women within a five kilometre radius, and not taking their money would be a crime. Of course, anyone can talk but Reigen can talk any person into forgetting their own names but remembering their bank account numbers. Although it stopped working at some point - that girl fell in love with someone else and the circus guys began to attract way too much attention for tax evaders, so the boy was dropped off in the nearest big city.

He tried to start over. Honestly tried. But the money from working at some store was definitely not enough, he could barely pay rent. At night (if he wasn’t working) he was scurrying around, but an incident changed his fortune. Another girl. A beautiful brunette with no shoes burst into his shop in the middle of the night, attempting to escape from a drunk unknown man. Kaneko Ai looked like an easy girl but actually was a thief. And Kaneko didn’t have any plans but Reigen did. 

The pair developed their first technique. Kaneko was truly charming, so getting guys into beds was no trouble. Reigen entered the apartment straight after Kaneko and her lover for the night, cleaning it out. Then they tried a so-called "guten morgen", dragging themselves from hotel to hotel and robbing the rooms. Stealing when a person is sleeping a foot away from you was way too difficult - Kaneko had to have some impressive acting skills and Reigen wasn’t fit for the job, seeing a "drunk" girl and a drunk guy in your hotel room are two very different things. 

The Kaneko got tired of selling herself. And they had a new plan. It didn’t end up in sex anymore - the victims passed out before the action, but these adventures of pseudo Bonnie and Clyde didn’t last long. Kaneko found herself a husband. A rich freaky foreigner who had an asian fetish and was dreaming of a petite obedient japanese wife and willing to give her all of his money. In her place Reigen would’ve done the same so he couldn’t blame Ai. It was only he now had to sell himself in order to get by. It wasn’t prostitution exactly, but sleeping with rich gays and then robbing their apartments wasn’t the most pleasing job. He moved again but the shit just didn’t come to an end. The only good thing he did find in all that shit was Serizawa.

Serizawa was… special. They met in Kyoto where Reigen wasn’t his best self and was working as a host in some gay club. Their first meeting was rather unremarkable, it was memorable only because in a crowd of wealthy middle-aged men they were complete outsiders: a twenty-one year old angelic host, who was oddly popular with men over the age of forty, and a twenty-three year old guy in a suit who was following some important guest around. Their next meeting was more interesting: Reigen was looking for an empty room and accidentally stumbled upon that special guest passed out and Serizawa with a phone in his hands next to him. Arataka somehow decided that the best decision he could make was to come into the room and lock the door behind him. When Serizawa finished his business, he slid the phone into the guest’s pocket and buttoned up his blazer, stood up, gazed at Reigen and suggested they go for a walk. Neither Reigen, nor Serizawa could explain their actions that night. But they got into a probably stolen car and left in an unknown direction.

And that’s how their journey started. The idea was Reigen’s, the execution partly Serizawa’s. Ideas in the best traditions of fraud, ideas like the theft of the Eiffel Tower, but way smaller. Renting out someone else’s houses was not exactly difficult. Of course, it was some trouble, and all of Reigen’s acting skills were finally put to work. And no one was poisoned, no one was fucked - just a little a speech and the cash is yours. Serizawa forged some documents, and together they’ve stolen over four million yen. Everything was going great until they accidentally sold some state building for twenty mil and got wanted. They were lucky to be wanted just by the regional police or they would’ve had to move somewhere pretty far.

And so, Reigen and Serizawa successfully settled down in Tokyo suburbs and opened a little scam agency "Spirits&such consultations office". Reigen was almost twenty five, and he decided to continue his sweet talking to perform exorcism. Honestly, he himself didn’t even understand why on earth did people believe him, but things were surprisingly fine. The consultations were weird and sometimes ended not in dealing with ghosts but in therapy sessions. Luckily, Reigen was good at reading people. And for almost for years him and Serizawa’ve been leading a righteous life. Well, maybe not exactly righteous but at least they pay taxes.

Obviously no one knew about Reigen’s life. And no one needed to. He’ll vanish soon anyway, just gotta bring his plan to life. His biggest case so far was worth twenty million yen, here we’re talking about similar amounts. He just wanted one thing. One tiny little thing worth sixty million yen, give or take. One trinket that will save his life. And Reigen wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t steal it.

***

"Don’t worry Kageyama, you don’t gotta do much. Just play your part. If we get caught, which isn’t likely, just blame everything on us. I am not a good person but I’m not the kind to frame a kid" Reigen said, sipping his tea.

Shigeo was pushing himself into the cushions, cursing that moment when he decided to open his mouth. He glanced up. The man was sitting, legs crossed, head thrown back. Reigen was smiling.

"I’ll pay you". Shigeo scowled, the blonde continued: "How much do you want?"

Kageyama was silent and now stared at his shoes.

"You can pay for your treatment" Reigen offered but the boy was still quiet.

"Listen", he leaned forward. "I’m not a psychiatrist but I know some things. And your case… I’d say HPD. Or maybe PTSD?"

Shigeo’s eyes widened.

"HPD - histrionic personality disorder. PTSD - post-traumatic stress disorder. I can tell you more if you want". He leaned back. "If anyone finds out about your outbursts… Not gonna lie, you'll probably stay in a psych ward for a little."

The boy swallowed nervously. "You almost killed someone. Multiple someones, actually." He knew he wasn’t right in the head, but those diagnoses were confusing him. His chest tightened. 

"I’ll help you. In exchange for one tiny request", Reigen smiled again. He looked like a cheshire cat. It seemed like in just a little bit the only thing left from the man would be his smile.

Reigen held out his hand.

"Do we have a deal?"

Kageyama swallowed again and slowly shook the dry warm hand.

Chapter Text

Moonlight was breaking through dirty office windows and thick clouds, and illuminated a tired face partly. The man ran his large hand through his hair and leaned on an old table. A half-dead plant on the windowsill, papers on the desk, piles of clothes on the chair. And on the sofa, right across a large window, Reigen sat with his legs spread wide. His dark eyes gazed at his shoes, there was a thick, smog-like, silence. Cold hands clenched together so hard, fingers were turning white. Serizawa was breathing deeply, staring at a painting on the wall. Black dahlias. Ironically, they symbolize lies in the flower language. Both men were silent. Serizawa didn’t want to yell, so he was hesitating to even open his mouth. And Reigen didn’t know where to begin his speech, so Serizawa wouldn’t yell.

Katsuya shifted away from the desk and turned to Reigen, finally pulling himself together.

"Arataka", - he called, but the blonde didn’t didn’t look up. "You didn’t do this all for nothing, right?"

Reigen was quiet, just arched a brow.

"Maybe you would like to fill me in", he tilted his head slightly, "Your great plans?"

The man lifted his head.

"Do you trust me?"

"All this time I did nothing but trust you", Serizawa cautiously stepped forward.

"Then you have nothing to worry about", he stretched a bit, "This scenario…", Reigen began to stand up. "We will steal something very small", he walked up to Serizawa and stopped right behind him, "But very expensive."

Reigen turned his head, gazed at the dahlias, and chanted:

"It will be a lovely performance…"

"We are not actors, Arataka. You know, I prefer practice, not…", he turned around suddenly, "Aesthetics."

"It is practical, but oh, how it’s executed!" - he smiled. "No one will even get it, and when they do, they’ll look back and wonder, how didn’t they think of it themselves?!"

"You’re losing it, Reigen. We were never great, you already know…", he looked at the man’s face, white from the moonlight, "how it’s been."

The blonde twitched as from a loud noise. Those memories always sent a shiver down his spine.

"And what do you know, Katsuya?" - Reigen asked angrily.

"I’ve seen things you haven’t even dreamed of, darling", he smirked. "Have you ever held a gun?"

Reigen huffed, shaking his head:

"No, only a chain."

"And I did", he said quietly and walked towards the corner of the room. "I spent twenty years living with a fucking gun to my head. And you think I know nothing?"

"You’ve weakened over these four years, Katsuya. You were different."

"Yeah, I also had no clue you were a psychopath", Serizawa took a deep breath and crashed on the couch. "How much?"

"Sixty. Take Kageyama, retailing or whatever."

Reigen wasn’t moving, just staring at the hazy window. Just how sick he was of this life. This office, these clients and this tie, strangling his throat. He remembered those bills in his hands, that euphoria, better than any drugs. That freedom. If they had just taken more, taken and left, days wouldn’t merge into one like they do. And now, when he gets that chance again, he will never let go of it.

"Will you leave?"

"Yeah. Wanna come with?"- he arched his brow.

"And tell me, what other choice do I have? Not like there’s anything left here…"

Serizawa stood up and quietly left the room.

Maybe if they didn’t meet like they did… If they weren’t so sick. If they weren’t strangled by their past. The past, that doesn’t let them sleep at night. The past, that makes them shiver.

Maybe they wouldn’t be the same as now. And they wouldn’t love only money, but each other.

***

Serizawa didn’t talk about himself much. When they left Kyoto, they didn’t even bother to learn each other’s names. He talked about his past just once, crazy drunk after some deal. Reigen has never seen Serizawa as joyful as that night. As emotional.

"Gimme, gimme-gimme-gimme", Katsuya almost screamed asking for a new bottle. He reached for the sake, flopping on Reigen’s lap clumsily. "Mmm, Taka… Why is there no cute nickname for you, ha? Why’d you choose such a stupid name?"

"Hey, it’s a nice name!", the blonde giggled and reached for his friend’s curly hair.

"Nice, yeah…", Katsuya smiled. "I’m so glad I met you. I’m so happy…"

"Thank the sake, not me", Reigen said, but Katsuya continued:

"No-o, it’s all you", he chanted, poking his finger at Reigen’s chin. "Fuck, just to think of how I used to live before this day. I hate it."

Katsuya shut his eyes and pulled knees to his chest. He didn’t move for so long, Reigen began to worry.

"Hey, Katsuya, look at me", he said, pulling Serizawa’s fists away from his face.

"I hate him…", he moaned, pushing his arms into his eyes harder. "Fuck, I hate him so much!"

Arataka grabbed Serizawa’s wrists, pushing them away. He took the man’s face in his hands, making him look into his eyes. Serizawa was crying.

Reigen awkwardly tried to wipe the tears away, spreading them across his cheeks and whispering his name, trying to calm him down.

"Don’t look at me", Serizawa huffed. He is twenty four, but cries like a little kid.

Arataka was petting his head slowly:

"It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay", he whispered, "You can tell me…"

"I will", his voice quivered. "Just quit looking at me like that."

Katsuya turned around, hiding his face in Reigen’s shirt like a cat waiting for its owner to pet it. Arataka had one hand under the guy’s head, and was patting his back lightly with the other one.

Life slapped Serizawa in the face at a very early age. Approximately, on the day of his conception. 

His parents were worse than you could imagine. Serizawa could walk at the age of one, but talk only by the age of three. And that was about the time when he could already tell the difference between mephedrone and amphetamine. But he didn’t get the time to master that skill, the boy was hospitalized right before his fourth birthday with poisoning. The official diagnosis was a critical level of nicotine for a child, but there were a bunch of other substances in his body. The boy was removed by authorities, and he never returned to that house. But it didn’t become better - he was handed over from one to the other, like he wasn’t a child but some toy. He still couldn’t forget that smile on his distant aunt’s face. "No, your place is over there"- she grinned, drawing him away from the dinner table. A new family, and another one, and another. Some adults leave, others come, and everyone is staring at him like an exotic beast. And then he showed up. 

A tall man in an expensive suit, with an expensive watch, everything about him was expensive. Katsuya is fourteen, no one adopts kids this age, but this man with fire-like hair and a fierce look in his eyes chooses him.

Katsuya, like a stray cat, was frightened to reach for a nursing hand. Because these hands grabbed his neck way too many times. Mister Suzuki sent him to a prestigious academy, housed in a large apartment and dressed in expensive clothes. Katsuya showed no interest in his adoptive father’s job. Not because he didn’t care, but because he was too scared to even open his mouth in that house. A year passed, and the boy loosened up. Spent hours at school, with his friends. He still remembered their cheerful faces, when they ran away to the suburbs on weekends or went to the movies. He even dreamt of them sometimes. Father never liked them, though.

Katsuya didn’t understand what mister Suzuki wanted from him. He obviously didn’t adopt him because he wanted kids. And he never loved the boy. They met only at dinner if they met at all, and father always asked the same questions: how’s school, how’s the rating, what are his silly friends up to again. Father always told him what and how he should change. Katsuya argued. Father stood up from his antique armchair, and the boy’s chest tightened. This life reminded him of a golden cage, but he didn’t want to whine, after all, freedom was much more painful.

One day was especially memorable - the day, when it all went to shit. When he saw  father with a gun in his hand, surrounded by some faceless men in suits. And a gunshot. Right in their fucking garden in their fucking summer house. Sixteen-year-old Katsuya witnessed a man being shot. His father turned around then and smiled. He could read it in his eyes: "How do you like it?"

Everything else was foggy. Firstly, the academy - father picked up his documents. Sent him to the suburbs. Hired teachers. Trainings. Meetings. Morals. Katsuya was standing in the corner of a room and watching his father drinking one after another with some old man and talking about shippings, and a cohort of armed men around them. He is taken to a meeting with some underlings, shown how things are done. He is almost eighteen, and Katsuya has already beaten up some street dealers, slashed an owner of some night club with a knife, broke a mirror and stabbed some junkie on the outskirts of the city with its splinter. The boy gets to wear his very own suit and hold a gun. His first gun. He holds it in a stretched-out hand with some idiot’s face right in front of him, must have crossed father over. Mister Suzuki comes over and covers the boy’s hand with his own. 

"Don’t go for the head, *****. It’s your first time, try lower" - father explains.

Katsuya can’t pull the trigger, father yells. He can’t disappoint father. And Katsuya shoots, even though he can barely breathe from fright. And Katsuya finally understood what mister Suzuki needed him for. 

He offers business, money, education, training, and the boy can’t decline. His fatherly love - bruises and scratches, slaps and cold stares. Katsuya is eighteen, and father hands him a gift. A knife with beautiful carvings on the handle. Almost two years later, after a broken arm, a hematoma on his stomach and traces of fingers on his neck, when father breaks his cheekbone, Katsuya stabs his shoulder with that knife. And he runs.

Father didn’t find him, because he didn’t look. He had a new son, and no need for a cheap fake. When Katsuya understood that no one awaits his return, he started to look for a job, a normal one. And he found it - worked as a secretary for some rich idiot, who let his hands loose, made terrible jokes and made the guy accompany him even in saunas and strip-clubs. A few times he picked up his boss from his house, where except for empty bottles he also found naked bodies of different ages. Gross. And when Katsuya withdrew money from his account, he wasn’t exactly sorry. He kinda deserved it. Those boys didn’t look older than twenty, and the bruises on their backs were way too big. Not that Serizawa was desperate to become a Robin Hood and protect all poor, sick and weak, he mainly used that fact as an excuse. It is one thing to rob an honest person, and another thing - a person like that. There should be a discount for that in Hell.

And when Katsuya was sitting with his passed out boss in some room at the club and had his nose in his wallet, he saw him. A tall man with blond hair, so young. He was just standing and staring at Katsuya, then at his hands, then at his boss. And when his dark eyes without a hint of fright or surprise looked up, Serizawa gave him the most innocent gaze he possibly could. And in their minds, it was all settled.

Chapter Text

The fist clenched and unclenched, following some silent beat. There’s people around, you can hear birds, cars, and voices. Apparently, so much can be heard if you just listened. Shigeo never paid attention to the outside world, just dissolved in his music or thoughts, only today he was walking home not separated from the setting, but being a part of it. There were no thoughts, they haven’t overtaken him yet. However, he understood clearly that once he returns home, gets to his room and slams the door, it will all collapse. Fear, anger, anxiety. Like an avalanche, and there's nothing to do with it. Just don't leave the room when it happens, he thought to himself, you can't know what will happen then. And there, the noisy street passed, the boy didn't even know that so many people could be out at the same time in their neighborhood. And the key is in the lock, and he leaves his shoes in the hallway, and he goes up the stairs. And he gets into the room and locks the door behind him. Shigeo drops his bag and sits on the edge of his bed. His hands aren't in the pockets, they are clasping each other. Fingers are running over the knuckles, the skin is rough and dry, just like sandpaper. And his fingertips are cold and wet, just like every other time he's nervous. Clack. The boy straightened his locked fingers suddenly, cracking them, and clutched his head. There go the thoughts.

A blond head flashed in the window when Shigeo was on the bus, and he flinched. The bus stopped at the red light, and the boy pressed his face to the window. No one there. He shook his head and got off the stupid bus.

He was by the school gate, and there it was! The blond head. He squinted around, but it was just some teacher. Two steps later, he noticed some curly head and flinched again. Well, he's definitely paranoid, is there really just one blonde and one curly-head in this world? Just breathe, Kageyama's not that important to spy on him at school. Right?

The lesson was over, but Shigeo didn't move, he was too busy studying the window and could swear on his pinkie that he saw Reigen just a moment ago. There, again! That is his blazer. No, he definitely is following the boy the entire day. Probably regretting he offered the job. Wanted to say that he changed his mind? Or maybe he wants to…

"Kageyama!"

He turned and stared at the girl with surprise:

"I've been calling for, like, hours! Musashi's looking for you", Tome pinched him, "C'mon, he's waiting."

Shigeo glanced at the window one last time, mumbled something untranslatable and followed the girl. It's probably great that he's training with the club today. When he's running he focuses on breathing way too much to pay attention to anything else. But for some reason he can feel a weird stare on him for two laps straight. Almost there, his mind is just messing with him. It's all in his head. Focus on the breathing, focus on the legs. Almost there.

The boy finished his last lap and switched to walking, to calm himself down a bit. The sun's almost setting already, better get going. Today's been a terrible day, just have to go to sleep and start over. Shigeo was walking through the school stadium and breathing loudly, but suddenly flinched again. There surely was a blond head. This time there certainly was. Shit.

Shigeo left the school grounds and felt a stare on him again. He felt someone's presence. He squinted about, but there was no one there. Shigeo walked away, towards his house, and almost got a heart attack as soon as he turned around the corner. The blonde. So he did come to collect his soul. Well, at least the boy wasn't paranoid.

***

"You have nothing to worry about, Kageyama, trust me", — Reigen said. "I took care of everything. The only thing that can help us right now is trust."

Shigeo didn't completely understand how one could possibly trust Reigen, but he did partially agree with his speech. After the explanation of the plan and the boy's part in it, Shigeo was slightly calmer. He won't kill or harm anyone. Well, yeah, the jeweler won't be too happy, but they are rich anyways, one piece more or less matters little. Kageyama is not a bad person. Kageyama is not bad, not bad. How many years do you get for accessity? How many for beating? No, he is not a bad person. Not bad.

"I know whatcha thinking," — Reigen turned to him. "You are not the evil here, you were framed. Sort of. Got it?" — Kageyama nodded, — " I was there once… In your place, I mean. I know what it's like. But if for me it was my whole future, you won't even remember this in five years."

Shigeo nodded. He was not afraid of the man anymore, just waiting for the end of this show.

"Just… be silent. I don't need anything else from you", — Reigen threw, turning away.

He lit a new cigarette and began to walk away from Kageyama. He won't kill him, no. He'd rather flee than lay a finger on that boy. Reigen was hard to read, but there was one thing crystal clear for Shigeo — he wasn't bad either.

***

Reigen did understand that it was his craziest idea so far, however he was rather cheerful. In his head he already was a millionaire, but this feeling of superiority was mixing with the fear of complete failure. Why did he even start this? He's gonna go to jail. Should have just minded his own business, but no, gotta act up, right? On the other hand, it was nice just dreaming of Serizawa and him somewhere in Indonesia or Thailand, they'd buy a little house, they're cheap there, and they would lay on the beach, drinking cocktails and looking at the pretty ladies. Every morning they would wake up, listening to the sea breeze, and eat mangos and dragon fruit for breakfast, and then just roam around buddhist temples of Kuala Lumpur or something. Do they even have them there? Even if they don't, it doesn't matter.

He just has to remind himself of the Eiffel Tower theft, and second-thoughts about the heist are gone. Although, it is no secret that the best conman is the one no one has ever heard of.

With those crazy dreams Reigen was headed towards a good old bar, to celebrate. He believed that one can only drink in two situations: when everything is complete shit and you want to save yourself from the suffering, or when everything is way too good to let this feeling go. The bright sign invited him to go up the graffiti-covered stairs. On the top floor was a spacious room with a bar counter, tables, a DJ-set on a tiny stage and everything else that bars have or whatever. The place was not exactly popular, but well-known among specifically-looking young people, and Reigen did not fit in with the local… contingent. Everyone around him looked like they were fresh off the podium, and Reigen was fresh off a not so fresh office.

"Cuba Libre, please" — he said, sitting behind the bar.

"But Cuba's long been free!" — the green-haired bartender replied with a giggle and started jingling the ice.

"Cuba might be free, but I need to get drunk as fuck…" — Reigen mumbled and fetched a cigarette.

The bartender placed a cold glass, decorated with a lime, in front of him and winked. Reigen did not to himself, that this new employee is rather attractive. But really not his style. He liked the old bartender far more — it was a middle-aged man with a sleek haircut and smart glasses, and he did know how to listen. He's still working, just on different days. Reigen should come back tomorrow.

He was dreamily sipping the cigarette smoke, twisting the glass in his hand, admiring its beauty. Whoever came up with Cuba Libre is a great person. It is so simple, yet so amazing. This tasty fucker. You can't drink yourself to unconsciousness with this, but today Arataka wanted to try.

Reigen was enthusiastically staring at the ice cubes in an almost empty class, but some figure sat next to him. Reigen turned to him and saw a tall young man, around twenty-five years old. He breathed the smoke in deeper and turned back, not wasting too much time studying the stranger.

"Can I buy you a drink?" — the stranger asked, and Reigen had to take a good look at him. His hazel hair looked very soft, dropping down on the fair skin of his neck. He couldn't tell the eye color in the dark, but there was a ring on the man's eyebrow. And another one in his lip. Interesting.

"Yes, you can," — Reigen nodded after a brief moment of silence. "I wouldn't mind another "Cuba". You should try it, too."

"I shall trust your taste," — the stranger smiled. "Aren't you bored here, completely alone?"

"Oh, no," — the man grunted. "I am very happy with alcohol."

The stranger pulled on a fake smile:

"It's not everyday you meet people like you here. That's why I noticed you," — he said, leaning forward.

"I am not that old," — Reigen muttered. "Just tired. And I go here often, by the way."

Reigen did get that neither him, nor the guy enjoyed the conversation. That boy wants to get to one simple proposal, but Reigen is ruining it with his stupid remarks. He flipped his head back, draining the glass, and gazed at the stranger. They understood each other.

***

The shirt silently slipped onto the floor, and Reigen glanced at it. But a pale hand grabbed his chin.

"Focus."

He smiled and returned to kissing. Reigen was studying the hotel room carefully, examining the doors and the view from the window thoroughly, his mind was clearly somewhere else. The man was undressing him, covering his body in warmth and kisses. But he was so far away. Why is he even here? Why does he drink, why does he smoke, why does he go to hotels with strangers? To relax? But resting doesn't feel like this. The man bent over him a little and grinned. His thumb traced Reigen's jaw, his cheek, and then put his hands above the head, pinning the man down, and began to cover him with kisses again. That face in front of Reigen was so familiar. It's the same as in Kyoto, and it's looking at him the same. His heart suddenly started racing like crazy, and not from excitement. It was freezing, but the heat was sending waves all over his body. The light was blinding, and that sharp ringing went higher. He was panting, breathing abruptly and painfully, every breath was squeezing his chest. His eyes were stinging, and the stranger stopped.

He lifted himself up and looked at Reigen. He was so pale, almost transparent.

"Sor-" — his voice broke, "Sorry I have to…"

"Are you alright?" — the man got off of Reigen and brushed his hair away from his face.

"I've gotta go," — he said and tried to get up, but his hands were trembling, it was difficult to lift himself. He was mumbling something, putting his shirt on. The walls were wobbling, legs could barely hold him. He needs air right now, or he will throw up.

Reigen was running down the stairs, every second was so long. Just a little more and he will die. It is about to happen, he can feel it. He just has to make it. His legs just have to not abandon him.

In the taxi he tried his best to not close his eyes, because every time he relaxed, he lost control over his body. The darkness around him was floating strangely, and his head pulsated. He couldn't see anything, but the emptiness was moving and driving him crazy. When he closed his eyes, nausea came even closer, it was unbearable. He just has to keep them open, and he started counting cars, but lost count again and again. The pupils were looking up, and the lower eyelid began to shake a bit, everything went white. He began to count again. The squares of numbers from one to twenty. One, four, nine, sixteen… one hundred twenty one, one hundred forty four, one hundred sixty nine, then fourteen squared is fourteen times four plus a hundred and fourty, that's a hundred and ninety six. Fifteen squared — he knew that, sixteen squared is just two to the power of eight, seventeen… two hundred eighty nine? Eighteen squared — eighty one times four, and nineteen… Fucking hell. Twenty squared is four hundred, so subtract twenty and nineteen to get nineteen squared. Three hundred sixty one. Right. Three hundred sixty one…

His temperature was back to normal, the nausea passed, but it was still hard to breathe. He twisted the key in the lock, but it wouldn't budge. Shit, for god's sake. Reigen slammed his hand on the locked door and dropped to his knees with that useless key in his hand.

"Fuck," — he breathed out heavily.

The door quietly opened. Serizawa in his pajama pants was standing and examining this trembling human in front of the door.

"Hey, what's going on?" — he dashed to his friend, trying to take a look at his face. He grabbed his shoulders and started quickly muttering: "It's alright, you are safe. It's me, Katsuya, you hear? You are alright. You're home. it's alright…"

Reigen finally burst into tears.

"He looked just like he did then," — he moaned through the sobs. "They looked so much alike," — he whispered powerlessly and started crying again.

Chapter Text

The tiny apartment on the outskirts of the city was not well lit. Two exhausted faces were melting into the night. They could barely see each other, but still felt the warmth of their bodies. It was so stressful, yet so… calm. The air they were breathing and the quiet sounds of the city, they were theirs. Their own, and no one else's. It was rather serene. The touches were not brief, they were not shy brushings, but constant, peaceful. Two men were sitting on the floor, backs against the couch. This position could be barely called a hug, but it was warm and sincere. And it was the only thing that mattered. Them, right now. And nothing else.

Serizawa's thumb was slowly drawing circles on Reigen's shoulder. It was not the first time they sat like this – close, warm and calm. Their lives were so shitty, it quite often ended up like this. The past reminded of itself in the most bizarre and hurtful ways, the present always managed to stab them in the back, and the future… Well, it's hard to tell if the future's even there sometimes. Reigen is not crying anymore, but not yet sleeping, just taking those long breaths, like you do after the weirdest, most terrible day, when you are back home, lying on your bed and strangling your pillow, seeking comfort. That Reigen also was, that's why he was there. He thought to himself sometimes that it was simply better for him to leave and live alone, like any sane human being. But he always circled back to Serizawa and this stupid apartment, like it was the only thing left in the world, the only little island of comfort and sanity. The only place where he felt loved. The only place that felt like home. He could try and build a new one, but he suffered so much, he didn't have neither the will, nor the strength for that. A fresh start alone was way too much. And every time he tried, he failed. Maybe if he tried again with Katsuya, it would actually work. Maybe that's why he wanted that escape so much, to try again with him. After all, Serizawa was the only person Reigen trusted.

"Do you wanna go to sleep?" Katsuya broke the silence, voice cracking.

"Not yet," answered Reigen, "Can we talk for a bit?"

Serizawa nodded.

"I'm sorry for today…" – Reigen started, but was interrupted.

"No need. That's why I am here. Well, not only for that reason, but you get it,"– Reigen giggled.

"Still, I kinda ruined your night". He took some time to find new words, but continued: "I just… I went out, to that place I like, you know?"

"Oh, the hipster one, right?"

"Yeah!" 

"The cool underground one, with pink neons, punks and hot bartenders?"

"Jeez, you're a punk! And they have this new bartender now, he's got green hair and shit," – Reigen pointed at his hair, explaining the guy, "And a buzzcut." 

"Ooh, who's the punk now? I like that place, they make excellent…"

"Shots?"

"Yes!" – Serizawa smirked.

"I know, man. But I drank Cuba Libres."

"Ew, why?" – Katsuya looked Arataka dead in the eyes with simulated disgust. "Are you a teenager or something?"

"Oi, shut up! I like 'em."

"I know you do, but I still will bully you for that", he said and clicked his tongue.

"Says you, who drinks fucking cosmopolitans," Reigen answered, twisting a bit in Serizawa's arms.

"What's up with cosmopolitans? They're chic!"

"They're bitchy."

"I'm bitchy, so?"

"Well, then that's settled," he said, placing his head on the man's shoulder. "I met a guy there. Can I have a cigarette?"

Serizawa reached for his pack on the coffee table and passed it to Reigen.

"What guy?"

"He was cute. And he had cool piercings." He lit the cigarette, slowly breathing in the smoke. The living room is going to stink.

"Oh god, I'll never get why a man like you is into punks."

"Hey, I'm not only into that. I fucked a ballerina once," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Wh-what?" – Serizawa coughed out with the smoke. "Why? How?!"

"She was Russian, they had a show in Tokyo."

"Yeah, and why would she fuck you?"

"Girls love me, what can I say? Guys, too. I'm fuckable for everyone, actually."

"It's 'cause you're a damn shapeshifter, dude." – Serizawa put the cigarette on the ashtray and coughed: "Oh, you're into literature? Cool, me too. You are attractive, or should I say "Your eyes are nothing like the stars, and coral's far more red than your lips' red? But my love as rare as any she belied with false compare", darling." – Reigen laughed at this show. "Oh, you like mathematics? Me, too. There's this one problem I wish you could solve. What do you get when you take a square root of 1 630 729, multiply it by ten, add three, multiply by three, then subtract two and flip it around?" – the blonde was laughing violently, the impersonation was too much to handle.

"Jeez, d’ya memorize that just to shove it in my face? That's smooth, Katsu, but I got a better one. There's something I want you to show me. It's… Ah, fuck, I'm too tired to think of something, but show me 58 008 flipped around," – he giggled stupidly.

"What are you, twelve?" – Serizawa laughed, shaking Reigen's shoulder slightly. He rearranged himself a bit, pulling the other man closer. Serizawa placed his head on Reigen's and asked: "And what then?"

"We went to a hotel," – Reigen breathed out. "But I guess I wasn't into it, I don't know." He sighed, gazing at the room they were in. He was in tears, sobbing like a baby, minutes ago, but now it didn't bother him at all. It didn't matter anymore, he was home after all. "You know the drill, it just all came at once and– " – he stopped suddenly. Serizawa stroked his hair kindly, in such a calming way. Not quite like mothers do, or the "lovers" way, but just the right way – like you do at two am in a quiet empty apartment.

"What do you want, Katsuya? After this," – Reigen asked, breaking the warm silence between them.

"I haven't thought about it yet. Traveling together would be nice," he replied. "You?"

"Same. I wanna go somewhere warm," Reigen said, moving closer. "Anywhere with you would be nice, actually," he said, melting into Serizawa's arms even further. "I was thinking of Indonesia, or Thailand. Vietnam? Dunno."

"Oh, I'm more of Argentina-Chile-Peru type of guy. Maybe Cuba even? What about a cigar, darling?" – he laughed softly.

"I'd love that," – Reigen smiled. 

"I was dreaming of showing you alpacas the other day," Serizawa said, rubbing the man's shoulder slightly.

"That sounds nice, doesn't it?" Reigen took a deep breath. He wished for nothing more than to capture this moment forever. "This is gonna be a silly question, alright?"

"Go ahead."

"Who am I to you, Katsuya?"

Serizawa didn't answer right away, he was thinking for a bit, quietly stroking Reigen's hair.

"Well, you are the only one in my life, that's for sure." They giggled softly. "I don't know if it's a romantic thing or friendship, but you are the only person I trust. The only person I want to be by my side. And don't I love you in a I-wanna-fuck-you or a I-wanna-marry-you-and-have-kids way, just… It's something else, you know? You are my home, 'Taka."

Reigen turned around and looked Serizawa in the eyes. 

"I love you, too, Katsuya. In a home way. Like you do. I think." – he whispered. 

They smelled like cigarettes and a bit of rum, but it was so calming in each other's arms. Reigen leaned forward, and they kissed softly. Not with crazy passion or lust, but with a soft and warm caution. They kissed like it was the last day of the Earth. Like there was no one else and nothing else but them in this room filled with smoke. Like they could be here forever. Like nothing else mattered, but them, right now. Because after all, they only had each other, and this stupid room, and this tender kiss.

***

With the slam of the heavy door, Shigeo busted into the house, breathing heavily all of the sudden. He passed the kitchen and the living room in a rush, trying to get to his bathroom as soon as humanly possible. He needed to cool off, after this strange talk with Reigen he became all worried again. His little brother was sitting at the kitchen table, glancing at Shigeo:

"Where are you running?" he said, chewing on his rice. "More like, why are you running?"

Shigeo stopped and looked at Ritsu, calming his breathing a bit. "It's nothing."

"Mm-m, 'kay," he replied slowly, and turned back to the bowl. 

Looking at Ritsu, Shigeo usually calmed down for some reason. He was like this sort of trigger, that brought him back to reality. Like how you identify dreams from life, you just notice these little things that mismatch, don't fit in the setting. Ritsu was that thing for Shigeo. When the boy was starting to lose it, bit by bit, he saw those piercing eyes of Ritsu's and realized what he was actually doing. Or what he was about to do. That stare Ritsu always gave him wasn't exactly loving, but not shaming as well. It was a mix of pity and disturbance. Maybe a tiny bit of kindness was also there at times.

Shigeo slowed down his pace and reached his room. He sat on the bed and started to think again. Why was he in this? Do they even have evidence of what he did? If he just doesn't do it again, then Reigen has nothing on him, right? He doesn't have to steal anything. And besides, he was bad at stealing. Or lying. But Reigen has probably recorded their sessions. If he tells the police, then they'll come to the kids, and they'll send him away. If this pops up, any of his "acts", they'll send him away. The only reason they didn't before, was because there were acts of violence on both sides with Minori, the parents didn't want to ruin the reputation or whatever. He was sent away, technically, but not to a psych ward but to another school. This time it's real, though. Shigeo wanted to get help, just not that kind. He'll be forever "the psycho kid". How will he get an education, a job? No, no psych wards.

Shit, that's what you get for trusting people too much. 

Besides, the plan didn't sound too risky. Well, it also sounded insane, but Shigeo guessed it could work. On some really dumb people, probably. Reigen told him that it worked once before, but when Shigeo asked if excecuting it again was making it easier for them to get caught, Reigen said that it was done way too many years ago and way too far away. So “no, my boy, the plan is just fine. It just requires way more acting than usual.” Reigen's main argument was that kids don't even need to act, everyone already believes them. So maybe, this "thing" with Reigen and Serizawa wasn't really a bad option. They promised to get him help, after all. It's not like anyone likes him when he is this Shigeo Kageyama. Being a different Shigeo Kageyama wouldn't hurt.