Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

chapter I: a light?

The hundreds of adults talking over one another, makes the atmosphere what we would could call chaotic. The gym is filled with people who haven’t talked in 5 years, and everyone is trying to tell everyone the exciting life they have been living after high school. Most of them just want to be pretentious and show off their new life. The music was almost inaudible, but Fatou is always able to focus on the rhythm of the background music. She is walking out of the toilet to go back to the gym, and is feeling a bit nostalgic, remembering how long it has been since she has been here last. Even if doing her Abi, wasn’t the easiest experience of her life, she still feels like this place had a big impact on who she ended up to be today.
“Fatou!”
The small woman turns around towards the voice and ends up finding the one person she came here with. She walks towards the voice, and gets closer.
“I found Josh and Nora.”
“Did you talk to them about the brunch?”
“Not yet, let’s go see them.”
Fatou follows her lead to join their other friends.
“Ava! Fatou!”
“Hey!”
The four of them exchange hugs and greetings before heading to a less noisy spot.
“Did you guys see Mailin yet?” Fatou asks.
“No, I texted her, she should be here soon.” Nora answers.
“Is Zoe here yet?” Ava asks.
“Yeah, I saw her with Isi earlier, I think they were looking for Kieu My.”
Just hearing her name makes Fatou shiver. She had been thinking about the girl all week, knowing that tonight might be the first time they see each other in 5 years. Only Ava knew about what had happen the summer after their graduation, and unfortunately, Fatou was stuck hearing the girl’s name once in a while. Nora’s sister is Kieu My’s best friend, it had been like that since high school and it hadn’t changed since then. Fatou gets out of her head and focuses on the conversation again.
“Yeah, apparently Isi is like a big international model and took some time off to be here,” Josh explains, “Finn is working a lot in the restaurant and I’ve been helping him a bit with the money part of it, so he talked a lot about his high school gang in the past weeks.”
“They’re not friends anymore, apparently.” Nora adds, “Zoe and Finn broke up a while ago, Kieu My leaving for Munich and with Isi travelling all around the world, they all split up.”
“Not like us.” Ava says, proudly.
“Even with you preparing your big European tour and being three years in New York, we were good with keeping in touch.” Fatou explains.
The three girls nod and smile at each other, grateful to have this friendship.
“Hi guys! What did I miss?”
Mailin comes out of the crowd and jumps on the girls for a group hug.
“Not much, we were gossiping.”
“Oh about who?”
“The insta’s.”
“Back to our roots I see.” Mailin says, sarcastically.
A comfortable silence makes it place in the group as they all look around at their old gym. Fatou’s eyes are scanning the crowd for a particular face that would change her entire mood.
Do I want to see her? Or do I want to ignore her?
The debate going on in her head for the whole day has not been the easiest thing to deal with. Ignoring Kieu My’s existence had been the solution that Fatou had found to not drown in sadness. Meeting the love of your life and then breaking up with her in the middle of a beautiful relationship was not something Fatou had been wanting to be remembered of.
“What are you thinking about Fafa?” Nora asks.
The surname had became a usual thing in the group. Everyone called her that because they once heard her brother calling her that over FaceTime.
“Not much” she lies “I feel like…it feels like a hundred years have passed since our Abi. I mean look at us, we went to university, we are all doing things we love. It’s crazy how much we don’t belong here anymore.”
“I need more alcohol to deal with what you just said, you make me feel old” Mailin shares.
“I second that” Ava says.
“I’ll get you guys some drinks” Josh proposes.
“Something strong for them” Nora says, “can you get me some water, babe?”
Josh nods and leaves the four girls alone.
“Did you hear about Constantin?” Mailin asks.
“What happened?” Fatou asks.
“He’s in rehab.” Nora says.
“Yeah, apparently he almost overdosed and now he got sent to rehab” Mailin explains.
“Shit…” Ava says.
The girls are all left to silence.
“Well, the statistics are that at least one student dies before their high school reunion, so we’re lucky no one died.” Fatou says.
“Where is the trophy boyfriend so we can get drunk?” Ava says, laughing, reacting to Fatou’s comment.
The girls all laugh trying to make the tension go away. Fatou takes out a small vodka bottle from her bag.
“Here.”
“Why didn’t you give us that earlier?” Mailin says, taking the bottle.
“I didn’t know you guys all wanted to get drunk.”
“Let’s be high school kids one last time.”
They all take a big shot from the bottle, letting themselves be teenagers again, teenagers who don’t have any responsibilities. A couple of minutes later, Josh comes back with a couple of drinks and the three girls drinking alcohol chug their whole drink.
“Wow that feels good.” Mailin says.
“I hope you guys didn’t forget how to party, because I’m ready to dance.” Fatou screams.
“Hey guys!”
“Yo Yara! What’s up roomie?” Ava says.
Fatou locks eyes with Yara. They’ve been living together for over a year now and with Ava gone a lot, the two girls had been getting closer, things they could do alone.
“I’m good, I’m good. I heard you wanted to dance?” Yara says, looking at Fatou.
She hands out her hand and Fatou takes it, gladly looking for someone to distract her from the possibility of seeing her ex, the one she was clearly not over. Josh and Nora exchange a look, they know something was going between the two roommates but they never saw them publicly be affectionate. Ava was completely oblivious, and Mailin clearly knew everything. She didn’t study psychology for that long, to not be able to define the attraction between people she knew. Fatou gets up and starts to dance with Yara while drinking more alcohol, she wanted to forget Kieu My and just dance to the rhythm of the music.
“You look good tonight,” Yara whispers in Fatou’s ear, “is it for Kieu My?”
“Don’t talk about her, I’m trying to forget, not remember.”
“It’s been 5 years, F.”
“I know.”
She chugs the rest of her second drink, and lets her mind lose all sense of time. They dance, drink and party for hours, enjoying the presence of their friends. Fatou and Yara separating themselves from the group from time to time. A pair of eyes lend on them, and immediately leaves the room. Fatou is too drunk to realize that maybe Kieu My got here by now.
“I’m going to get some air.”
Yara nods, and lets Fatou go. The girl walks away from the gym, and goes outside to get some air. The cold November air hits her in the face and takes some of the effects of alcohol away. Fatou breaths out, it feels good to party again, but there’s still that someone in the back of her head.
“Hey…”
Fatou turns around.
Fuck…why is she still breathtaking…
“Do you have a light of something?” Kieu My asks with a small shy smile.
Fatou looks at Kieu My, her face hasn’t changed at all. Her eyes are still the same shade as they used to be, her lips as attractive as she once thought and her hair still falling on the side of her face without an imperfections.
“Aren’t you supposed to ask me in a judgmental way if I’m a smoker?”
“Maybe, I’m not as judgmental as I used to be.”
Their eyes meet in the same intensity that they did 5 years ago. Only they know how they feel in the moment, and it feels intimate but also mysterious. Fatou takes out her lighter, out of her pocket.
“Here.”
“I didn’t actually need it.”
“Well I do.”
Fatou takes out a cigarette and lights it up.
“You smoke?”
“I didn’t take you for someone so judgmental, Kieu My Vu.”
Kieu My chuckles, and looks down. She quietly says:
“Well, I didn’t take you for a smoker, Fatou Jallow.”
They look at each other, letting go of all the thoughts that were going through their minds. Just glad to be back with one another, even if they just had this night. Fatou takes a puff of her cigarette, as she looks away from the other girl.
“So, how have you been? Are you back in Berlin for good?”
“Why do you care?”
“Seriously?”
What’s with her attitude? She…she asked me for a light…
“Sorry…”
They stay silent, they were both hurt and even if the excitement of seeing each other again is very present, there is also a lot of unresolved feelings in the air.
“I’ve been back in Berlin for two years now, I have my own producing studio, I make big bucks.” Fatou says, nonchalantly to introduce a conversation.
“I know.”
She knows?
“You know?”
“My best friend is the sister of one of your best friends.” Kieu My says, kinda aggressive.
“Maybe I should go back inside.”
“Maybe you should.”
The tension could be cut with a knife, Fatou is confused, she doesn’t understand why Kieu My is acting like a stranger. She doesn’t want to be a stranger to Kieu My. She stands up, tonight is supposed to be fun, not heartbreaking. She throws her cigarette on the floor, and puts her shoe on it.
“Have a great night, Kieu My.”
“You too, Fatou.”
She goes back in, wanting nothing more but to get so drunk that she could forget how broken her heart is. She goes straight to the bar, asks for shots, chugs them one after the other. The world is spinning around her, but it feels peaceful. She looks at the ceiling, looking for something that hasn’t changed. Someone puts a hand on her shoulder. It’s Ava.
“Chibi, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, can we dance?”
“How could I say no to such a good proposition?”
“Shots first?”
“Always.”
They take more shots, Fatou starting to not feel anything anymore. The music fills her ears like air fills her lungs. Her body starts moving to the rhythm of what makes her feel alive. She dances, and dances, until she doesn’t feel her legs anymore. She drinks, and drinks, until her brain is off. She doesn’t think for the rest of the night, she gets so messed up and she convinces herself that tomorrow will be better as she spends hours jumping to the music, laughing with Ava and screaming the lyrics with everyone. She even dances with Isi at some point, like if they were old friends. Fatou wanted to forget Kieu My, she wanted to forget tonight and forget her heart. Alcohol in her blood, nicotine in her lungs, sweating the entirety of an ocean. It felt like high school, and it felt like she would forget everything in the morning as she was still drinking at 2am. Yara even tried to stop her from drinking but no one could stop her. She went to the bathroom, almost falling to the ground. She splashed some water in her face, and looked at herself.
You’re so stupid, all of this because you can’t forget one girl.
“Who’s the girl?”
Fuck…I said that out loud?
“Yes, you did.”
Fatou looks in the mirror, her eyes landing on the one person she didn’t want to see.
“I need a shot.”
“You can’t even walk.”
“Leave me alone.”
Fatou leaves to bathroom, stumbles to the bar, takes another shot and goes back to dancing. She spins and spins until she’s numb again. Goes back to dancing, for what seems like hours. She ends up passing out in Yara’s arms on their way back to the apartment, and gets carried by Ava. As soon as her head hits the pillow, she’s gone.

Chapter Text

chapter II: a walk?

Fatou gets woken up by someone knocking on the door of her room, she groans. Her head is pounding and she doesn’t even want to open her eyes, it hurts too much. 

What the fuck happened? I never get this drunk…

“Fatou? Are you awake?” 

“Leave me alone” the sleepy girl says, groaning in pain. 

“You have the brunch with the cashqueens.”

“Ah shit…Come in.”

Her door slowly opens to reveal a very awake Yara, with a glass of water and an Advil in her hands. 

“Take this.” 

Fatou sits up slowly, resting the need for more sleep and takes the pill and a gulp of water. She finishes the water hoping for the transparent liquid to make her feel like she isn’t currently dying. 

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” 

Yara smiles at her with a shy smile, knowing something that Fatou probably doesn’t remember. 

“Do you remember last night?” 

 “It’s mostly blank right now, but in a couple hours I should remember.” 

“Okay.”

“Why? Did I do something?” 

“No, not really.”

“What do you mean?”

Yara looks down, not knowing what to say. 

“Yara?”

“Let’s say that you were pretty mad at Kieu My.”

Fatou taps her head in an aggressive manner. 

“Yeah, she had such a bad bitch attitude, I didn’t want to deal with that.” 

“We all saw that, you got super wasted.” 

“I know, I feel the pain in my bones.”

The two girls look at each other, they share a silent agreement. 

“Thank you again, and I should probably thank you for yesterday too.” 

“You can pay me back another time.” 

Yara says those words as she winks at Fatou, probably referring to their many hookups of the past month. Fatou blushes, and looks down. 

“I’ll get Ava.” 

Yara leaves, and Fatou lets herself fall back down on her bed, hiding her face in her hands. She groans in pain, thinking back to last night. What she remembers the most is Kieu My’s eyes, and lips. She feels stupid, she feels hurt too. All her emotions from last night come back in a bunch. She feels worst than when she woke up, she didn’t even think that was possible. 

“Hey, Chibi” Ava says softly as she peaks her head through the door. 

“I feel like shit.”

“I know.” 

Her best friend walks up to her bed, and sits next to her. Fatou leans into Ava’s arms and lets her head fall in the crack of her neck. 

“The girls were worried about you, even Isi asked what was going on.” 

Ava leaves some space for Fatou to talk, not knowing what happened yesterday.

“What happened?” 

“She was such a bitch, like super cold. She treated me like any other stranger. It hurt, like more than it has the past 5 years.”

Fatou sighs into her best friend’s shoulder. 

“Maybe I put too much expectations on the reunion, I was hoping we would spend the night together, and fall in love again. It was stupid of me to believe that.” 

“Stop, bebi, it’s not your fault. She acted shitty with you. It’s on her, not you.” 

“You’re right. Anyways, a summer love, 5 years ago, what does it mean now.” 

“It can mean a lot. Don’t invalidate your own feelings.”

“It just sucks, I loved her so much, I probably still do and I see her one time and I feel like a teenager who got rejected by her stupid crush. I’m 24, not 16. I have my life together, I make money, I could buy a Tesla if I wanted, but I’m still stuck on a girl from high school, ughhhh.”

“It’s okay, we can’t control who we fall for.”

“That’s true. I’ll try to forget about her, like she forgot about me.”

Ava holds her best friend together, to show her some comfort. 

“We have to get to brunch, bestie. It’s in 30 minutes and if we walk fast, it could take us 20.”

“Let’s just take our bikes.”

“Good point. Now get up and get dressed.”

Fatou groans as she stands up and opens her walk-in. One of the positive points of being an adult is making adult money and buying a lot of materialistic wants. Her closet has grown so much over the past two years, she could probably dress for half a year without washing anything. She takes her forest green dickies, and puts on a classic white shirt. Then adds a gorgeous light green crewneck, she adds plenty of gold jewellery and takes some dark sunglasses. She will definitely need those. She looks out the window and it looks sunny, unfortunately for her eyes and brain. She puts her hair in two small buns, with the help of Ava. Ten minutes later, she’s all done and they leave her room. Yara is sitting on the sofa, and smirks when she sees Fatou’s fit.

“Looking good, babe.” 

“Who are you talking about?” Ava snarks back.

“You, of course.” 

“Uhm, uhm, be careful roomie. You want me on your side.” 

“You look gorgeous, queen” Yara says pointing at Ava, “and you look sexy, Fatou.”  

Yara winks at Fatou, earning an eye roll from the woman. They’ve been joking and flirting for a while now, the hooking up only started a couple months ago. Yara got dumped and needed a distraction. Lucky for her, her roommate is really attractive and is also very good in bed. So, they took advantage of Ava being out of the flat a lot and had some one on one fun. 

“Have a good day, Yara.” Ava says. 

Fatou blows a kiss at the girl on the sofa and put her white shoes on. They leave the apartment in a hurry, wanting to make it on time. Fatou put her sunglasses on, ignoring the busy morning in Berlin. The cold of the morning feels nice on her checks, it wakes her up as she’s trying to ignore her painful headache. The restaurant isn’t that far, they lock their bikes and joins their friends in front of the place. 

“Oh wow, the super stars are in the place.” Nora says, smiling at her two friends. 

“You guys look good.” Mailin hypes them up. 

“Could you believe this one woke up like 40 minutes ago?” Ava says. 

“That is very much what we expected.”

“Shut up” Fatou groans. “Let’s go in, I’m starving.”

The four girls get in and immediately goes to sit at their usual table. They wave at the owner, as she waves back. They’ve been coming here for literally 3 years, practically every week. The owner treats them like their kids. 

“Good morning girls! Your usuals?” 

“Yes please.” Mailin and Nora say at the same time. 

“I’ll take my usual too.” 

Fatou takes off her sunglasses and rubs her head in soothing motions trying to take away some of the pain.

“Fatou?”

“Oh yeah, s-sorry…I’ll take the usual plus your famous hungover smoothie, please.” 

“Okay, perfect! I’ll get that for you.”

The older woman leaves the table and goes into the kitchen. 

“So were you guys okay getting home yesterday?” Mailin asks. “Honestly, everyone was pretty concerned with Fatou.”

“Yeah, even Kieu My came to see me to ask if you were okay. Like why would she care, she doesn’t even know you.” Nora says, neutrally.

“She does.” Fatou says, tired of hiding her history with the girl.

“Huh?” 

Just tell them. They never judge. 

“She’s my ex.”

“What do you mean?” Nora asks, she looks at Ava, “You knew about this?” 

“Let her explain, Nori.”

“The night after the final Abi exam, Ava and I went out at a bar and when I was going home, Kieu My stopped me. We spent the whole night together, we had this crazy chemistry and honestly, everything felt right. We ended up dating that whole summer, being in love and all. But then she had to leave for Munich and me for London so we broke up. I was in pain, it was horrible.” 

“Why didn’t you talk to us about it?” Mailin asks, gently.

“I dunno, it felt useless. That summer, you both were away and when we caught up, it was already over. It didn’t feel necessary. I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“And what happened yesterday?” Nora asks. 

“It was the first time we saw each other, since the break up and she was super cold towards me and it hurt really bad. So I drank to forget about it but I ran into her in the toilets. I don’t remember exactly what she said or what I said, but I know it felt shitty.”

“Damn…”

“Yeah. I’m sorry for not telling you guys.”

“Don’t worry about it Fafa.”

Nora takes Fatou’s hand in hers, and Mailin takes the other 

“We’re always here for you.”

“Thank you guys, I love you.”

“Awww, we’re so adorable.”

“So what did we miss after we left?” Ava says.

“Not much,” Mailin says, “Some people puked in the gym, it was disgusting. Otherwise, we talked a lot with Isi and Zoe, I feel like everyone actually took some maturity. Like, we’re not kids anymore, we have responsibilities. It’s crazy to see those immature kids from high school, becoming mature and healthy.” 

“Yeah, it’s true, like even if they’re not as close as they used to be, they’re still there for one another. Zoe told us about when Constantin texted all of them, asking them to get him into rehab. They all took a whole weekend to help their old friend to get to a better place, it’s crazy to see it.” 

“Can’t believe the instas are actually adults.” Ava says. 

“We’re all adults now.” Fatou says “Adults who have to take a picture and post it to their instagrams.” 

All the girls smile and get excited for their usual picture. Fatou takes the selfie, and goes to post it as a story, when she sees that someone added her on Instagram. She clicks on the icon: q.meeee started following you. 

“Why?” Fatou says to herself. 

“What’s up?” Nora says. 

“Kieu My added me on insta.”

“Add her back. Maybe she realized she wasn’t cool with you and wants to catch up?” Ava says. 

Fatou shrugs, she’s not down to get hurt but adding the girl back won’t do her any harm.

I can’t be much more hurt than right now anyways.

She clicks on the profile and adds her back. She looks at the pictures, they are all poses of Kieu My being serious and with her usual ice queen look. Fatou remembers the first time she made it past the wall Kieu My was always hiding behind. She chuckles to herself. It is funny to see that Kieu My is kinda still the same, hiding who she truly is behind that ice queen persona.

“I added her.”

A couple of seconds later, the owner arrives with their food and they starts to devour their meal. 

“This is orgasmic.” Fatou says. 

The three girls laugh at their friend and continue to enjoy their food. Fatou slowly feels her body regain energy and her brain feels better. Her head is still hurting and the sun hurts her eyes, but it’s getting better. She takes a sip of her hungover smoothie and she almost moans. This is literally the best thing that can help you feel better after a long night out. Suddenly, a phone starts ringing. Nora looks at her phone, it’s her sister. 

“Let me take this, sorry…”

She gets ups and takes the call when she’s out of the restaurant. 

“Zoe usually texts her, it must be pretty important, if she calls” Ava says. 

The three girls enjoy the rest of their meal as Nora comes back a few minutes later. 

“Sorry guys, apparently Zoe needs me for an emergency.”

“What’s going on?” Fatou asks. 

“She’s at work, and one of her employees just didn’t show up and she needs someone to take the calls and everything.”

“Do you need anything? I could come and help, i know a bunch about animals.” 

“Actually, that could be great.”

“Let’s pay and we can get to it.”

“Don’t worry we got you guys” Mailin says. 

“Thank you!” 

The small blond and Fatou leave the restaurant in a hurry. They jump in Nora’s car and she starts driving to Zoe’s veterinary business. 

“Thank you for coming, it’s crazy how you still do anything for us, even after all those years.”

“Stop, Nori. I don’t want to make you guys feel like I take you for granted, you’re the best thing that has happened to me, no joke.”

“That’s why you’re such a good human being. Always there for everyone…”

Fatou looks out the window, taking in all of Berlin’s streets. She had been more than happy to come back here after her years in England. She had been especially lucky to have the contacts to start her own producing studio. She likes hiding in the shadow of the talented singers she guides in the beginning of their career. She produced a couple of songs for Ava that put her on the charts, and from there Ava got a lot of attention. She mentioned Fatou a couple of times and a lot of artists starting coming to her studio. She loves what she does, music is her passion and the only thing that helped her through all her difficult moments. 

“We’re here.”

They get out of the car and go in the small shop. They are immediately greeted by a very stressed looking Zoe. 

“Thank you so so so much for coming” Zoe exclaims. 

“What can we do for you?” Nora asks, wanting to help her sister as soon as possible. 

“Nora, you can take the phone and desk at the entrance, answer the calls and type them into the excel file, I’ll come explain a bit more in a couple of seconds. Fatou, could you please take care of the clients and their animals that come in? My other employee should be here in around an hour, but our first appointment is in 10 minutes.”

“Perfect, no worries, go do your thing.”

Zoe sighs, grateful for her sister and her friend. Fatou warmly smiles at the blond, and goes to sit next to the desk Nora is at. 

“My sister owes us big time.” 

“Well a sister is always going to be there for her family, so she’ll be there for you when you need her some other time.” 

“Stop with your wise words, Fafa, let me be annoyed.” 

“You still love her more than anything.”

Nora groans, knowing that her friend is right and starts opening up the computer. Fatou’s phone dings. 

[Unknown number: hey fatou, i just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go on a walk and catch up?]

“Who is that?” Fatou says out loud. 

“Mmh?” 

Fatou shows her phone to Nora. 

“Ask the person who they are.” 

The phone dings again. 

[ btw it’s kieu my, i got your number from Zoe :) ]

“What the fuck?” Fatou says.

“You okay?” Nora asks. 

“It’s Kieu My.”

“Oh damn…”

“What do I say?” 

“Do you want to go on a walk with her?” 

“I don’t know, I guess yeah I would like to catch up. I would actually love to get rid of the negative feelings related to our meeting from yesterday” 

“Then say yes. Easy.” 

Fatou sighs, she wants to see the other girl, of course, but with what she remembers about the reunion, she doesn’t feel great about her. 

[ Fatou: hi, sure we can do that ]

[ Kieu My: perfect. tomorrow, 3pm? ]

[ Fatou: works for me ] 

[ Kieu My: in front of the school? ]

[ Fatou: yep yep ] 

[ Kieu My: can’t wait ]

“Guess I’m meeting with her tomorrow.” 

Before Nora can say anything, someone enters the shop. 

“Hello?” 

A man with a small dog in his arms approaches the desk with a worried look. 

“How can we help you sir?” Fatou asks. 

“Uhm…I found this dog in front of my house this morning, it’s not mine. I don’t want it.” 

The man practically shoves the dog into Fatou’s arms. Fatou immediately takes the small dog carefully and the man runs out of the shop.

“What the hell…” Nora says, looking at Fatou. 

“Uhmmm…what do I do with this cute ass little golden dog?” 

“I don’t know. Zoe?” 

“Yes?” 

The bigger sister comes to the entrance and looks at the two very confused girls. Her eyes lend on the puppy in Fatou’s arms and she looks confused as well. Her confusion is replaced by an annoying look very fast. 

“I don’t have time to deal with an abandoned puppy, I swear.” 

The three girls look at each other and Fatou smiles. 

“I always wanted a puppy,” Fatou says, “I’ll take him home.” 

“What?” Zoe says. 

“I’m not abandoning the cutest little puppy of all time, I’m taking it home.” 

“Let me, at least, check him.” 

Fatou smiles at the small creature in her arms. She wasn’t expecting to go back with a puppy today but she couldn’t resist his cute little face and small paws. She follows Zoe, as she is holding carefully the little dog. She puts the dog on the table, and smiles at him to let him know he’s going to be okay. 

“It’s going to be okay, little guy.” 

Zoe puts on gloves and starts to gently move around the dog. 

“You were right, he is indeed a little boy and he looks very healthy. It’s almost weird that he doesn’t have a collar. I think you should be okay with bringing him home. I’ll schedule a check up next week, so I can at least thank you for today.”

“That would be amazing. This little guy is mine now.”

Fatou takes the dog in her arms, crazy how fast the puppy trusted Fatou and let himself be loved by a complete stranger. Everyone feels like that with Fatou, she gives off incredible loving and trusting vibes. The door opens, and the first client of the day joins Zoe in her office with their cat. Fatou sits next to Nora with her new small puppy in her arms, she literally fell in love with him in seconds. 

“You have to name him, Fafa.” Nora says. 

“Uhm…let’s brainstorm.”

“Goldy?”

“Too cheesy.”

“Uhmmm what about Blondie?”

“Ewww, not your best.” 

“You gotta help me dude.”

“Eli?” 

The little dog turns his head towards Fatou.

“Oh you like Eli? Alright we will call you Eli.”

Fatou smiles and give a small kiss on the dog’s head. Someone enters the shop, it’s the employee that was late. She takes their place and they’re able to leave, after saying a quick goodbye to Zoe. The two girls leave the shop with the small dog, cuddled and sleeping in Fatou’s arms. 

“Why didn’t you talk to us about what happened with Kieu My?” Nora asks, as they both get in the car. 

“Honestly, I was so heartbroken, and with you guys she didn’t exist. I didn’t have to answer questions or talk about my breakup, with you I had a break from all the negative thoughts and feelings I had to handle daily. Even now, 5 years later, I still feel the same as that teenager who got her heartbroken by the only love she experienced.” 

“Shit, I see why. I always wondered why you never were one for relationships. I thought you were just a player but I understand better now.”

“Yeah, well I was never able to develop feelings like I did with Kieu My.”

“I’m sorry…I can’t even imagine what I would do if I lost Josh.”

“Don’t even think about it, you guys are made for each other, like soulmates material. By the way, when’s the wedding?” 

“Shut up! I don’t even know if that’s his thing.” 

“Well, I want to be your bridesmaid sooo.” 

“You’re dumb.”

“But you love me.”

“Oh yeah, that I do. Do you want me to drop you off at the apartment?” 

“Yeah, I’m going to have to introduce Eli to the girls and go get some supplies today.”

“Okay, perfect.”

“Thank you for being here.”

“Always.” 

Nora drives the car for another ten minutes only, they get to the apartment and leave Fatou at the door. Fatou smiles at her newest friend and thinks about the comfort that he already brings her. 

Chapter Text

chapter III: how are you? 

Fatou wakes up as her puppy is trying to play with her face as early as 8 in the morning. Yesterday, she was able to get all the supplies for the newest addition to their shared apartment. With Yara’s obsession with dogs and the cuteness overload that both girls experienced when they first saw the little guy, it wasn’t hard to convince them to keep him. However, he was very fond of Fatou and she was definitely his favourite. With the puppy waking her up, she decides to get up and play a bit with him so he would get tired. Yara was already up, and working on her computer when Fatou walked into the kitchen with Eli in her hands.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning cuties.” Yara answers. 

She comes closer to Fatou and pats the dog softly on the head. 

“You’re working already?” 

“Yeah, I have a couple of designs I wanted to get started on. As much as I loved being a teen for a night, we all have responsibilities to get back to.”

“True, I have a couple of clients this week, but Ava and I are mostly prepping for her next shows and I think we might work on some new songs.” 

“You guys are lucky to have such a flexible schedule, I have to go to work later today, ugh.”

“At least you always go out with your colleagues on Mondays.”

“True, true. What are your plans today?” 

“I’m actually going on a walk with Kieu My later, she wants to catch up.” 

“Oh, nice.” 

Yara looks down, even Fatou can feel a slight hint of jealousy coming from the roommate. Unfortunately for both of them, the sex was great but feelings were not supposed to be involved. As the awkwardness starts to build, Ava comes out of her room with the biggest smile on her face and destroys the negative bubble.

“Hi ladies.” 

“Hi bebi, slept well?”

“Oh yes. Hi little guy.”

Ava kisses Fatou on the head and pats the little dog on his belly. 

“What’s for breakfast?” Ava asks. 

“I can make some avocado toast if you want.” Fatou proposes.

“I would be so down for that,” Yara says, with the jealousy totally gone. 

“I would take one too, please.” 

“All right, I’ll get it started for you guys.” 

Fatou drops the dog on the floor and gets the stuff out. As she moves around the puppy follows her. She starts cooking and both girls stay in the kitchen.

“It smells so good already,” Yara says. 

“I haven’t even started, bro.”

Ava laughs at Yara and Fatou giggles. She gets the breakfast done and puts the food on the plates. She brings it to the girls.

“I could literally kiss you right now,” Yara says. 

“You would do that anytime.” Ava jokes. 

“Shut up, it’s not my fault she’s so sexy.” 

Fatou blushes and laughs at the same time. Yara grabs her and kisses her on the cheek.

“Thank you, you’re the best.” 

“It’s a pleasure.”

“Thank you chibi.” 

The girls eat and talk about anything that comes to their minds. Fatou brings up she’s going on a walk with Kieu My later, and Ava tells her to be careful. 

“I just don’t want you to get your heart broken again. She is the only one who has that power over you. All the girls you slept with, never compared to the feelings you experienced with her. It destroyed you, baby.” 

“I know, I’ll be careful I promise.” 

Yara doesn’t say anything, she’s scared to be biased. 

“I have to go meet with some clients and go to the office,” Yara says, getting up, “don’t wait up for me tonight, I might be out later.”

“All good, Y” Fatou smiles, “call if you need help getting home.”

“I will.”

Yara stands up, gives a quick hug to Ava and a shy smile to Fatou.

“Have a good day!” Ava says. 

Yara leaves with her bag in a hurry, Ava and Fatou share a look. 

“She was weird, right?” 

“Yeah, she was weirdly shy.”

“What’s happening between you guys?” Ava asks.

“We’ve been sleeping together for a couple of weeks now. Like we are having fun, no feelings, just sex. The problem is…”

“The problem is?” 

“It’s that there’s an attachment, I care about her and I love her, but not in a passionate way, you know.”

“Yeah, I see what you mean,” Ava says, reaching for Fatou’s hand. “She might be developing real feelings for you, that’s would be why every mention of Kieu My makes her itch.” 

“Shit, maybe. I’ll have to talk to her.”

“Yes, communication.”

The little dog barks from the floor, to get picked up.

“Aww, come here Eli.” 

Fatou takes the puppy, in her arms and sits on the sofa to play with the little dog. Ava sits next to her. 

“When are we getting in the studio this week?” Ava asks. 

“We could spend a couple of hours, tomorrow or Wednesday?” 

“Works for me. I already have a couple of tracks I’ve been working on.” 

“I can’t wait to work with you, ahhh I missed you bebi.” 

“Same, come here.”

They hug warmly, without hurting the little dog in Fatou’s arms. Ava takes out her phone and checks the time. 

“I have to go, I have a meeting soon, but I’ll see you tonight after the walk with the ice queen?” 

“Yeah, of course.” 

“Love you, Fafa.” 

“Love you more.”

Ava stands up, takes her bag and leaves the apartment. Fatou is left alone with her thoughts and her little friend. A couple of hours later, Fatou is trying to decide what to wear. Classy and casual? Comfy or elegant? She has too many clothes to decide from. She knows she has style, and that she can show her emotions through what she’s wearing, but she doesn’t know how she feels. This meeting with Kieu My is a confusing event, she can’t distinguish the anxiety of the meeting from the excitement of seeing the only girl she’s ever loved. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” she says while tapping her head slightly. 

Eli walks next to her and growls. He goes in between her legs and looks at her with his puppy eyes. 

“I don’t have time now, I don’t know what to wear.” 

She sighs and keeps staring at her stupid closet. 

“Casual and comfy. Skater vibes?” 

She nods at her own words. She takes out baggy jeans and a classic white tee-shirt. She takes a dark and light grey quarter zip up. She puts on a couple of silver rings and necklaces and puts on her white air force 1’s. She looks at the puppy and raises her eyebrows. 

“How do I look, Eli?” 

The puppy lets out a cute bark, and Fatou smiles. 

“I’ll take that as a yes. Well time to go, little guy.” 

She puts a leash around Eli’s neck and leaves the apartment. She puts her earphones in, her favourite music playing to calm her nerves. She tries to convince herself that it is only Kieu My, but it IS Kieu My and that is the main source of her anxiety. At least with the music playing inside her ears, she doesn’t notice Kieu My walking towards her. When finally their eyes meet, every negative feeling she had been living disappears. It is like Kieu My still has that power to make her feel nothing but warm. 

“Hi.” Kieu My says. 

“Hi.”

They share a look, one that shows nothing more than hidden appreciation for the other. Kieu My breaks the eye contact to look at the small dog moving next to Fatou. 

“You have a dog?”

“Yes! Uhm, long story short, Zoe needed help at the shop and a guy came in with this cutie, so I took him home.”

Kieu My smiles and lets out a small laugh. 

“That’s very you. What’s his name?”

“Eli”

Kieu My kneels down to pat the puppy on the head. 

“Well Eli, don’t you agree that your mom looks beautiful today?”

Fatou smiles, and Eli barks. Kieu My gets back up to face Fatou and to see her reaction. 

“Uhm…thanks. I-”

“Can I talk first?” Kieu My interrupts. 

“Yeah, sure. Go ahead.”

“I’m sorry…for the night of the reunion…I think that 5 years was enough time for me to convince myself that what happened between us was in the past, but I guess that my subconscious is still hurt from what happened that summer and it got out in my words and the way I was acting towards you, and yeah, I am really sorry for that.”

“I-”

“Please don’t say you’re sorry, I-…I know you might think you’re in the wrong but you’re not, you were hurt and sometimes it’s easier to forget than confront.”

Fatou takes a deep breath, there is so much she wished she could say.

“Okay, I forgive you. I won’t give an apology, I promise.”

“Okay.”

The two women look at each other and share a small smile, that felt like the beginning of a new chapter. 

“Should we find someplace to sit down?” Fatou proposes. 

“Yeah, good idea.” 

After walking for a couple of minutes in silence, they find a small park in which they find a picnic table to sit at. Fatou takes Eli in her arms and gives him a couple of scratches on his belly. 

“So what did you want to talk about?” Fatou asks. 

“I wanted to know how you are doing, like how are you?”

Fatou is a bit taken back by that question, it’s such an innocent question but actually filled with so much more than three words. 

“I’m good, I’ve been good, I think,” she answers. 

“You think?”

“I mean, life is good. I have a job that I love and lucky enough, I make a bunch of money. I don’t have to worry about that, I…I have good friends, people I love surrounding me and supporting me through every small obstacle. So, yeah, I am good.”

Kieu My smiles, there’s this light in Fatou’s eyes that lights up when she talks about things that make her happy and it makes the other girl happy too. 

“What about you?” Fatou asks. 

“Uhm…I’m pretty good too. I finished my master’s degree in astrophysics, and I am starting to work on my doctorate thesis while working in a lab in Berlin. I am looking for a better place to live because being back with my parents is not the best. I have been able to see my friends and catch up with them, and that feels great too. I…that’s pretty much it actually.”

“You’re living with your parents?”

“Yeah, the job I got offered, starts next week and I wasn’t able to find anything that wasn’t super expensive or close enough to where I work.”

“Maybe I can help, I know a lot of people in Berlin, I could probably find you something.”

“That would be amazing actually,” Kieu My sighs, “I really thought being back here would make my life easier, but right now, it’s the opposite of easy.”

“Is there anything else going on?”

Kieu My hesitates to open up, Fatou makes her feel so safe, that she forgets the history they share. It feels so easy to have this conversation with her but she’s scared it is going to be too much. She looks down, Fatou immediately sees it. 

“Stop overthinking it, Q, just let it out,” Fatou says calmly. 

It’s Kieu My’s turn to take a deep breath and think of all the things she could share but won’t.

“My dad’s shop got vandalized… and he’s been having trouble with money for a couple of months. Someone tagged a racist comment on the wall, destroyed the windows and stole a bunch of stuff. My dad doesn’t want the police involved, because he says they are not good at their job, but he needs the money. He really does. I don’t understand why he won’t reach out for help, he always acts so strong, but I know he is struggling, even with how hard he tries to hide it.”

Fatou frowns but looks at the other girl to offer her some comfort.

“I’m sorry you guys have to go through this, it’s so unfair, it must be frustrating…, especially that our parents have supported us throughout our entire life. But I believe, in the end, it really is, his decision. As hard as it might be to accept it and see it, your dad knows what he’s doing, he’s been doing it his whole life. You can trust him.”

Kieu My stares at Fatou in awe, she always says the words to make her feel like everything is going to be fine. 

“Thank you, that’s actually very…comforting.” 

“I’m glad.”

They both smile at each other and exchange a look of gratefulness for the other’s presence. Things have changed but they still have the same connections they shared since the day they met. The comfort they provide each other is not an aspect they find in anyone else. 

“I’m glad you agreed to see me.”

“In all honesty, I was surprised you texted me,” Fatou looks down, not wanting to share a look with Kieu My, “after the reunion night, I…I really thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I’m sorry. Honestly…I saw you. Dancing, with that girl, and all the feelings kinda came back rushing through my head and I don’t know…I protected myself, how I used to, by pushing you away and it was really unfair to you. You were just having fun with your girlfriend and had no wrong intentions with me, so I totally overreacted.” 

“My girlfriend?” 

“Yeah, the girl…I think she was our class president, back in school.” 

“Oh, Yara!”

“Yes, Yara.”

Fatou chuckles, leaving Kieu My with a very confusing look.

“She’s my roommate, we are not dating.”

“Oh…”

Kieu My’s tone seemed to be hopeful, or maybe somewhat lighter.

“So you’re single?” Kieu My asks. 

“Yeah…I’ve been single for the past five years.”

“Oh okay…”

“Yeah…what about you?”

“Same.”

About being single? Or the five years thing? Argh…why is this so messy?

“You’re different like you haven’t changed a lot, but the way you are is a bit different,” Kieu My says, “you seem more confident and you say more what’s on your mind, and I just think that’s great.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Like you haven’t lost the desire to help others, but you’re more honest and open.”

“I think with time, I realized that people don’t care much about what you think, so when you do find people that listen you need to give back by being honest.”

“You’ve always been very good at listening.”

“I was always better at seeing. Seeing how people were hiding behind a mask.” 

“That is true.”

Kieu My shivers, the sun is almost gone and they’re sitting in a random park. 

“Do you want to go get some food?” Kieu My asks. 

She wants to spend more time with me…that feels good. 

“Yeah, for sure. I know a great sushi place close to here if you want.”

“It would be amazing.”

“Do you mind if we take the sushis to my apartment? I’m scared Eli will get cold.”

“Yeah, all good.”

Oh no, what if she thinks I’m inviting her over to make a move on her…the chemistry is still here but what if we lose each other again? I don’t think I could handle that again-

“Earth to Fatou?”

“Sorry…I was just…”

“Lost in your thoughts.”

“Yeah…”

“I still know you.”

Fatou smiles at Kieu My and they share a sweet look. 

“Let’s go get those sushis, I’m getting hungry.” Kieu My says. 

The two girls stand up and start walking towards the place Fatou is thinking about. 

“So we’ve talked jobs, friends, singleness… what else do I need to know?” Kieu My asks. 

“Uhm…what about where we’re headed in life?” Fatou proposes. 

“Okay, yeah…Berlin has the biggest lab for astrophysics research in all of Germany, so I am thinking of staying here, I know I have a job where I can grow and learn more in a healthy environment. Berlin feels like home, so…”

“Are they going to start a new program at the Berlin University?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you went to Munich because there weren’t any programs in astrophysics here, is that something that exists now?”

“Actually, no. But I think that the lab is thinking about making an alliance with the university so they could have more students helping the research, I heard a couple of people talking about it back in Munich, but I haven’t heard anything about it here.”

“Okay makes sense.”

“What about you? What’s the plan?”

“Well, my studio is here. I am happy here, I feel challenged and I feel like I am growing here. I might go on your with Ava soon because she needs to produce music while on the road, but we haven’t talked about it yet.”

“She’s going on tour?”

“Yes, worldwide actually. Mostly in Europe but she also has a couple of shows in the USA and Canada.”

“That’s insane. Wow.”

“Yeah, she’s incredible.”

The two girls share an excited and dreamy smile. Seeing someone close to you becoming one of the famous artists in this world is incredible. 

“So…we will both be in Berlin for a while.” Kieu My says, shyly. 

“Yeah…we can see each other more…”

I hope she doesn’t get the wrong message. Of course, she’s as beautiful as she was, even more now…I do wish I could kiss her again…

“I would like that a lot,” the tall girl says with a genuine smile. “I’ve missed you.” 

Wow, those words made me feel the happiest I’ve felt in a while…

“I’ve missed you too.” 

They share a smile that makes them forget about every single human being on the planet except the other. It seems unreal what they are feeling, but it’s just like the first night they spent together back when they were teenagers. It feels as if nothing has changed.

“Here is the sushi place,” Fatou says. “Do you want to come in and check the menu?” 

“I can wait outside, surprise me.”

“All right, I like the challenge. I’ll leave you the puppy.” 

“All good. Come here, Eli.”

Fatou goes in, orders and comes out with a full bag of sushi. 

“So your place?” Kieu My asks.

“I think it would be better, no offence to your parents but I don’t know if I’m ready to see those two again.” 

Fatou looks down, remembering a couple of meals they all shared together. It felt like another life she had lived through. It felt very much like a dream.

“I understand, lead the way.” 

They start walking again. The comfortable silence that sits in, feels known and calming. 

“So what kind of apartment are you looking for?” 

“Honestly, one room, one bathroom, a kitchen in an area close to the university would be perfect. It’s just that most of my research used to be done in Munich, but they asked me to suddenly move to Berlin. I think most apartments close to the university are used by students right now and what’s left is like very expensive.” 

“Yeah, it is not the best moment to be looking for an apartment. I do know a guy that lends out apartments in the area, so we could check it out, maybe you could find something you like.” 

“That would honestly be amazing, it’s like the biggest stressor in my life right now.” 

“I get it, when I decided to move out from my student apartment, I want freaking out and not finding anything I liked, and honestly the first one was horrible. Fortunately, the second one was perfect, a bit too big, but now with Ava and Yara, it feels like home.” 

“Awww, that is like very adorable.” 

Fatou chuckles, and with our realizing it the two of them were walking closer and closer to each other, resembling two magnets who couldn’t stay away from each other.

“Here we are.”

Fatou opens the door for both of them and shows the way to the apartment. The silence in the apartment feels peaceful as they enter it.

“That’s my home.”

“Wow, I love it. You can see the artsy aspect of the design.”

“Yeah, Yara is a graphic designer, so she knows her stuff.”

Fatou gets some plates and gets out the sushi. Kieu My is standing in the middle of the room, taking in every little aspect of the apartment, letting herself be filled by Fatou’s environment. She walks in direction of Fatou’s room, feeling it calling to her. She slightly opens the door and looks inside. 

“Sorry for the mess,” Fatou says, coming closer to Kieu My. 

“It’s very you,” Kieu My says, hypnotized by the odour of Fatou “more you than your old room.” 

“Yeah, I guess,” Fatou says, confused by Kieu My’s behaviour. “The sushi is on the table.” 

 They both go and sit down at the table and start eating the food.

“That is so good,” Kieu My says, “you still know what I like.”

“How could I forget your very specific taste in sushi,” Fatou says, with a sarcastic tone. 

Kieu My chuckles and they keep eating like two people that enjoy their time together. It feels even too good to be true. Both of them were broken when they lost the other and now they are sharing a meal and it feels perfect, like old times. 

“With all this future talk and everything, I just wanted to let you know that I am very grateful that you texted me back.”

“Yeah, this feels like a second chance.”

“What do you mean? Like for us?”

“Well, I am a strong believer of second chances, and with time I wasn’t really able to forgive myself for not trying the long-distance with you.”

Kieu My stays silent, hopeful for more words coming from Fatou that could make her feel as warm as she used to feel. 

“At first, I was mad a lot, but then I realized that if we were meant to find each other again, we would.” Fatou continues “And right now I feel like I am finding you again. I am a better version of myself than 5 years ago and I-”

Fatou gets interrupted by her phone starting to ring. She looks at Kieu My with an apologizing look.

“It’s Ava, I’m sorry, I have to take this.”

“No worries.”

Fatou stands up and takes the call, frustrated to have been interrupted as she was declaring her feelings for Kieu My. 

Not declaring anything, just being honest. 

“Hi Ava, what’s up?”

“Hi, I need you. Yara is drunk out of her mind, and I can’t take her home alone. She won’t listen to me, she usually listens to you.”

Fatou sighs, the moment she was having with Kieu My was something she had been dreaming of for the past years. 

“But I am with Kieu My…”

“Please, bebi.”

“Okay, send me your location.”

“Thank you, you are the best.”

She hangs up the phone and goes back to Kieu My. 

“I am so sorry, but Ava needs me. Yara is super drunk and she can’t get her home and needs my help.”

“Oh…”

I hope I am not ruining everything…

“It’s all good, don’t worry. We can talk about all of this another time?”

“For sure.” 

Kieu My stands up and they look at each other not wanting to say goodbye yet. 

“Can I hug you?” Fatou asks. 

Kieu My nods as they embrace each other, they both let out a breath that feels like something is off their chests. 

“Text me.” Kieu My says as she leaves. 

“I will.”