Archive of Our Own ^beta

It all started with one person.

Jango karking Fett.

It happens when boredom strikes him in a meeting, he figured he’d just recorded it so he could play it back later.

But then the shit-show had happened.

Jango decided to upload the video to the holonet, figuring it would help resolve the bad reputation Mando’ade were getting and the simple fact that it was hilarious to see the bullshit his clan-mates could get up on.

Said video went like this:

——-

There were several Mandalorians gathered around a table, a door could be heard opening, making all of them to stop conversing and stare at the person who walked in. “Vod, what the kriff are you wearing?” The person who was addressed, what was shocking about the sentient was that they wore a plastic equine’s head and orange Mandalorian armor, was completely relaxed.

Said person shrugged as they made their way to, what appeared, to be their seat. “I couldn’t find my buy’ce so I figured anything would do since my creed only basically states ‘No sentient will gaze upon your face.’ Plus I was running late.”

There were groans and shakes of head as one of the Mandalorians that sat at the head of the table slammed his head into the hard clay of said table, pointing to the other head of the table, who wore black and green armor. “This is your influence.”

The Mandalorian who was addressed spluttered out, “What do you mean my influence! I-”

There were several sighs before someone in blue armor that was outlined by gold interrupted with, “Can you two get just getting karking married, the amount of flirting and sexual tension is killing me.” There was silence before it descended into chaos, as the black and green armored Mandalorian, tackled the blue one out of the chair, many roared with laughter, the other head of the table keep repeatedly slamming his helmet into the table. Crying could be heard coming from the poor Mandalorian.

The pair that were fighting slammed into another Mandalorian, who also joined the fight.

It ends with one of the Mandalorian’s gleeful crackle.

——-

Jango forgot about ever uploading it, until a few months later when Arla cornered him in the living room, again.

“Vod'ika, I got a question. You remember that meeting with Jas'buir and Ba’vodu Tor? Well it somehow got upload to the holonet…” Arla’s smile widened. Letting out a squeak that he will deny until the ends of the galaxy, “Well…” ,he rubbed his head sheepishly.

After he explained all the reasons why (“It’s funny Arla!”) he had uploaded it, Arla decided to enlist Pre Vizsla, their vod, helping record the next meeting.

Said meeting went like this:

——-

“WHAT THE KRIFF ARE YOU SAYI-“ Jaster eyes the exit door as the screaming match between Pre Vizsla and his ad, Arla Fett, reached a whole new level. He could see from the corner of his eye, Tor cradling his head in his hands, clearly as displeased as Jaster to be here. Slowly making sure no one noticed, he nudged Tor’s shin with his foot, subtly nodding towards the door when he looked up at him.

He got a nod and three fingers in return, clearly preparing to flee on the count of zero, shifting slightly making sure not to make any noise, Jaster got ready.

Two fingers down, Jaster tensed as the last finger met Tor’s palm before anyone could figure out what was happening, they both pushed their chairs back, making a scraping noise, vaulted over the tables and bolted out the door. All in a matter of seconds.

Arla and Pre shared a grin as cackles surfaced, Jango sends a thumbs up their way.

——-

This one also gains a favorable response from the holonet.

Most of the comments under those holos were about how fast the Mandalorians were even with armor, others were about how loud their lungs were.

Their other clan-mates have started catching on about the holos, and so that’s how it became a competition.

Let it be said that Jango was forced to participate, (Arla had quite cheerfully said “Well Jas'buir was looking for the person who uploaded the first holo, I think he’ll appreciated knowing who did it, wouldn’t you think so Jan'ika?”), Pre had also been bullied into participating. Neither of them were happy but going against Arla, who was having so much fun with this, was haran in of itself.

Shrex Boandarge, a yellow nautolan and clan-mate of theirs, had gotten a holo of Klush Vum, the green nikto vod who had worn the plastic equine’s head, had karking done it again but this time, it was on a battlefield.

Now Klush Vum, is a respectable warrior but sometimes the di'kut could get into the strangest osik.

——-

They’re hiding behind the wreckage of their speeders and some rocks that barely provide any cover from the pirates.

The fact that Klush doesn’t have kaysh buy'ce , no the karking di'kut has kaysh plastic equine’s head on.

Shrex grinned behind kaysh buy'ce, strangled cries leaving kaysh vode as Klush pulls a power pack out of kaysh plastic equine’s and equips it, immediately opening fire on the poor bastards.

“Tactical horse.” One of the vod whispers quietly.

The video ends with a Mando’ad ’s head in kaysh hands.

——-

After that there were the most bizarre holos ever.

There were others that had cooking recipes or anything that Mando’ade usually did daily.

Then the true joy of a video, (“What the kriff, Arla?!”), had appeared.

Most Mandalorians had it saved because their Mand'alore’s faces were everything.

——-

Neither of them knew how the conversation started or how did they even broached it.

“I say we marry Jango off to a jetti, for tax benefits.” Arla repeating her proposition had brought them both, and really what was his ad getting at, to the present.

The pure look of horror on Jango’s face was kinda worth this uncomfortable subject. “ NAYC! NO ABSOLUTELY NOT I AM NOT GOING TO MARRY A KARKING JETTI , VOD !” Pre let out a snort at that leaning toward Jango with a mischievous smile.

“And why not Jan’ika I heard they have great stamin-“ Tor, thank the Ka'ra and Manda respectively, cuffed the back of Pre’s head effectively interrupting him from finishing that Ka’ra forsaken sentence.

Arla grin widen even more, Jaster suddenly wanted to hide in his room and never come out, as she lightly punched Jango in the arm. “Now now vod'ika , it’s just for tax purposes.” Jango pouted as he argued back, “We don’t even pay taxes!”, while gesturing at everyone around the room.

To which she just let out a laugh, “Oh no we don’t pay taxes as Mando’ade however, as citizens of the republic we need to.” There was a beat of silence, two beats, three beats and then chaos.

“WE’RE NOT EVEN PART of THE REPUBLIC! YOU-!” Jango yelled, as he flailed his arms around clearly done with whatever schemes Arla had.

Wagging a finger at her vod'ika , she continued on. “Which is why you would need to get married.” Pre just hummed, both Jaster and Tor were pretty sure he was considering the whole thing, raising a hand. “Why would we even need to be citizens of the republic?”

“Well consider this, the republic suddenly wants to close its borders and will imprison every non-republic sentient.” There was silence before Pre nodded and said, “Well I’m in, I like the part were I don’t have to marry.” Jango groaned as he made his displeasure quite clear.

Three heads turns toward them, one pleading for mercy while the other two were full of mischievousness.

Jaster just shrugged before turning to his co-ruler. Tor was clearly thinking about it before sighing as he said, “Alright, fine we’ll get Jango to marry a jetti. ” Jango was clearly about to protest again but Arla put a stop to it by saying, “Look at it this way vod'ika , you get a marriage out of all of this.”

Jaster was pretty sure this was Tor’s payback for all the osik Jango got when he was younger.

——-

The public had gone wild and the holo got popular enough to reach the karking Coruscanta temple .

What’s even more baffling to everyone is that the Jedi actually agree to have one of them marry Jango, (“IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT ARLA!”), his cries were music to Arla’s ears, Pre wasn’t as amused, he betted against the Jetti actually agreeing.

Never mess with a Fett.

They will remember the last time you ate their pudding cup and they’ll spend months getting revenge.