Chapter Text
The chill in the air of this barren wasteland penetrated layers of clothing, dousing Laura Roslin’s veins with ice water. Featureless grey skies above echoed the empty quiet in her core. Twisted metal and broken stone dedicated obscene monuments to a dream gone terribly wrong. This was not what the ancients had promised.
“Earth,” she said, one corner of her mouth turning up slightly.
She wanted to laugh at the gods’ cruel joke on humanity.
Beside her, William Adama brushed the last of the coarse soil from his palms. He wiped them on his pants in disgust, then removed his cap and ran his bandaged hand over his hair. His eyes were narrow, anger and sorrow barely contained. He surveyed the landscape before them and clenched his jaw. Laura reached a shaking hand to take his elbow and he stiffened.
He turned to her, meeting her eyes for the first time since arriving on Earth. They had flown down to the planet in a Raptor piloted by Athena, grinning and leaning in close to each other as they entered the atmosphere. Giddy chuckles and trembling limbs were the norm within the confined space, as the view from the front canopy showed swirling white clouds, vast blue oceans and beautiful land as far as the eyes could see. The planet was alive below them. This would be their new home.
Their enthusiasm faded as they descended from heaven and plunged into hell. Land that looked green only minutes ago became grey and brown as they drew closer to the location they had picked out as a good landing spot. The ribbons of roadway visible from miles above the surface lead to a major city, and as that city came into view, they heard a gasp from the pilot’s seat. Athena’s face became as ashen as the land below and the sky above. She turned in her seat and met their eyes, her haunted expression saying more than words could.
Now, as Bill met Laura’s eyes, she became frightened for the first time. She had felt disappointment, sadness and a little anger herself, but the outright fury that darkened his blue eyes made her take a half-step back. She did not release his arm though, needing that connection.
“This?” he croaked. “We’ve gone to hell and back for this?”
Behind them, she could hear the first sobs of anguish from someone in the landing party. Not sure who it was, and not wanting to break the gaze that locked her in place, she took Bill’s bandaged hand in hers and ran her thumb over his knuckles.
“Not exactly what the brochure showed,” she said ruefully.
Bill’s eyes softened slightly and he twined his fingers with hers. She could feel the grit embedded in the fabric of the bandage. He sighed and looked over the top of her head at their dysfunctional extended family, picking their ways over the rubble in their own silent communions. He made one last pass over the horizon and met her eyes again. “What are you thinking?”
Laura shook her head. “A million things and nothing at all. I wonder when this happened, the hows, whys and wherefores. I wonder if there were survivors. I wonder if the whole planet is this way. I wonder if we can even begin to think about settling here.”
Bill sighed. “Pretty much sums it up for me too. You know people are clawing at the bulkheads of their ships to get down here.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised to see a few fleet ships landing before we give them clearance.”
“Yeah,” Bill said. Drawing himself up slightly, he turned to the young ensign checking soil samples with a meter. The constant chirping from the machine was the only noise beside the wind across the beach. “How are the levels?” he asked.
The ensign started slightly, then looked back at his meter. “Acceptable for short term exposure, sir. Long term, not good. I don’t recommend building a cabin here.”
Bill met her eyes sharply, the irony of the ensign’s nervous throwaway joke not escaping them. She felt the first tear suddenly welling to the surface and break away down her cheek. More followed, and Bill pulled her into his arms, rocking her slightly as the grey world around them began to swirl in her vision. He cradled the back her head with one hand and brushed his lips to her temple. “We’ll find a better spot. The view isn’t very good here anyway.”
Laura laughed lightly and drew back to look at him. He brushed her tear-stained cheeks like he’d done on the Cylon basestar. “We’ll figure something out,” he promised, both for themselves and for the last of humanity, still flying above in the heavens.
Laura followed Bill’s eyes across the terrain to Colonel Tigh and the Six model. She had one hand on the small of his back and the two were talking in whispers. Bill had told her about Tigh’s confession and the Six’s pregnancy. Right now, Laura saw two people making their way through an impossible situation. Not Cylons, she realized for the first time. Just two people.
“Saul,” Bill barked.
Tigh straightened with a start, and with a glance at the Six, he strode across the field to meet them. He popped a smart salute at his commanding officer. “Yessir.”
Bill nodded, not returning the salute. “I want you to work with Kara and Lieutenant Gaeta to coordinate a planetwide survey. I want to know if the whole planet is like this, or can we actually make something out of nothing. Radiation levels, climate, flora, fauna, everything.”
Tigh’s face brightened slightly, obviously glad to be included and trusted. “Yessir. How many birds you want on it?”
“We’ll keep a CAP up around the fleet. Reserves for the CAP on standby. Everything else we can spare, get them down here. Three hour rotations.”
“We can help as well,” Six’s voice carried across to them as she slowly walked to take a position behind Tigh. “We have several small ships that can be used to survey the planet.” Tigh glanced over his shoulder and back at Bill nervously.
Bill considered her offer for a moment. “Thank you. Your help would be valuable.” He paused, searching her face as well as Tigh’s before continuing. “The other Six, the one who died, she called herself Natalie. Do you have a name as well?”
The Six smiled slightly and lifted her chin. “They, the other Cylons, call me Caprica.”
Laura cleared her throat. “Thank you for your help, Caprica.” She tested the name out with a hint of sadness. “We will coordinate our efforts to share information between our peoples, agreed?”
“Agreed.” Caprica extended her hand and, without hesitation, Laura took it. Her time on the baseship had given her a new perspective on the Cylons. She still did not trust them, especially D’Anna, but she understood them a little more. The desperation in the Leoben model’s voice when he warned her of D’Anna’s plan said more to her than entire conversations could. Seeing the Sharon Agathon clones working with the Sixes along with their Colonial pilots gave her hope for both sides.
Bill spoke up then. “All right. We’ve seen enough for now. We need to get back to the ship and try to keep the fleet from going crazy. We’ll have riots on our hands if we don’t find a good place to settle soon.”
“Agreed,” Tigh said. He looked at Caprica, an unspoken question on his face.
“I’ll work with my people on the basestar.” She touched his arm lightly. “I’ll see you soon.” She ran a hand over her belly absentmindedly.
Tigh nodded. “Really?”
Caprica smiled shyly and walked off to join the other Cylons. Tigh followed a few steps behind, then broke away to join Kara and Lee.
Laura watched them with interest as they walked away. She had seen the look of affection on both of their faces. Not love, not trust, not even comfort. But there was something there. “Strange times,” she murmured.
“Indeed,” Bill agreed. “All right people,” he shouted. “Back to the ship.”
The disappointment on the faces of the crew sharpened as they made their way back to the landing vessels. Laura linked her arm with Bill’s as they slowly walked to their Raptor. His face was stony and he was clearly struggling with his emotions. After the thrill of the past few days, opening her heart and admitting her love for Bill, finding Earth and celebrating over his last bottle of vintage Ambrosia, the reality of the situation seemed like a kick in the gut. He seemed more distant than ever.
“Bill,” she whispered.
He grunted quietly.
She turned him to face her. She searched his face for any emotion at all. “This isn’t the end, you know. Just another chapter in the book.”
His eyes softened. “I know. I was hoping…we…you and I…” He trailed off.
“You and I what?”
He smiled almost painfully. “That the journey was over. That we could just….stop and live our lives in peace.”
Laura grinned broadly. “Keep your fingers crossed. Maybe there’s hope.”
They began walking again. At the door of the Raptor, Bill stopped and bent down. He scooped a little dirt into his palm and sifted through it. Something solid caught their eyes, and he dusted the dirt off a small flat disc, slightly warped by time and tragedy. He turned it over in his hand and scratched at it with his thumbnail. The dark brown metal underneath revealed a faceless blob with unreadable text around the edges. Verdigris colored the object in several places.
“A coin?” Laura breathed.
“A souvenir.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bill walked with a noticeable slump in his shoulders as they made their way back to his quarters. He’d had a vigor in his posture and face when she met him at the Raptor on the basestar two days ago. He’d seemed ten years younger. Tonight he seemed ten years older.
Helo had offered to take his watch for him, but Bill resisted. Helo adamantly insisted, and Laura convinced him with a breathy whisper in his ear. “Bill. We need some time.” She nodded at Helo, knowing he understood their need for time together. Helo inclined his head imperceptibly. She would have to remember to thank him later.
The crew members they passed in the corridors all had the same expression. Word had spread quickly on this ship, and numb despair haunted every face. Many didn’t even notice the passing of their Admiral and president, but the ones who did saluted smartly. More than one told them thank you as they passed.
Reaching his quarters, he paused at the Marines guarding the hatch. “Colonel Tigh should have a report for me in the morning. Other than that, no one until 0900.”
The marine muttered his “yessir” with a lot less enthusiasm than in the past. He was as broken as everyone else.
Closing the hatch behind them, Bill took off his cap and coat, dropping them carelessly at the end of his couch. Laura stood there silently and took in her surroundings. Books and papers were still thrown carelessly on the floor near his desk. His wooden ship sat in a corner on the floor, its masts snapped and a large crack in its hull. Evidence of his breakdown.
He sat down on the couch heavily and put his head in his hands. Leaning forward on his elbows, he clutched at his hair and sighed. After a few moments, he raised red-rimmed eyes to her. He followed her gaze to the wooden ship. “It’s a metaphor,” he muttered.
“Gods I hope not,” Laura prayed. She pulled off the military jacket she wore on Earth and threw it on the pile with his. She sat beside him on the leather couch and leaned into him. He pulled her close and she reached her arm across his chest, fingers tracing the outline of his tags under his uniform. She inhaled his scent, noticing the familiar smell of his uniform, his soap and shampoo, his natural scent….and something new. She smelled the faint hint of the sea they had landed near.
“Do you think we can make a home there?” she mused quietly.
His voice rumbled against her cheek. “I pray so.”
“When I was on the basestar, before we met you, I thought a lot about home.”
“On Caprica?”
“No,” Laura explained. “I stopped thinking of Caprica as home a long time ago. This is my home. This fleet. This ship.” She glanced around. “This room.”
Bill tightened his arm around her and lazily traced his thumb against her collarbone. “Room’s a little small. No view.”
She chuckled. “It’s twice the size of my first apartment, and ten times as cozy.” She pulled her legs under her and let one leg reach across his thigh a little. She looked up at him and smiled. “View’s nicer too.”
Bill grinned back. “Agreed.” He brought his other hand up to cup her face and slowly leaned in to brush her lips with his own. They softly kissed each other, Laura’s toes curling in the heavy boots she’d been leant. Her fingers tightened against the soft fabric of his unbuttoned uniform. A tiny whimper made its way up her throat as she felt the tip of his tongue graze her lip. The kiss deepened, and she huddled herself closer to his body, feeling his warmth beginning to break the chill she hadn’t rid herself of since Earth.
Passionate kisses slowed and shortened into sweet kisses. Finally, they stopped and sat with their foreheads touching, his hand gently rubbing the back of her neck under her wig.
“You know,” Laura purred contently. “I really wanted to do that on Earth. I had plans to do that on Earth.”
Bill kissed her cheek. “You know what they say about the best laid plans.”
“Ugh. Don’t say ‘laid’ either. My plans didn’t stop with kissing.”
Bill laughed out loud and he kissed her brow. He pulled her half into his lap and she tucked her head across his chest. His hand rubbed at the small of her back. “I had plans too,” he whispered wistfully. “Dreams. Hopes. Desires.” On the last word, his fingers traced where the hem of her shirt rode up her back, exposing a sliver of soft skin.
Laura shivered in spite of herself. She decided to pursue it further. “Do tell.” For a moment, she thought he would brush off her response.
He sighed deeply. “Little things. I wanted to swim in the ocean. Walk in tall grass. Watch kids play in a park. Hear birds.” He paused. “Big things. Build you that cabin. Retire. Grow old. Well, older. Together.”
Every word brought a little ache to her heart. Her throat constricted and she tried not to sob.
“I wanted…” he continued quietly. “I *want* to get married at sunrise. To you. On a beach on a warm day. With Lee and Kara and Saul there. No one else.”
Laura blinked tears down her face. “If that was a proposal…”
“Yeah, I’m not good at that sort of thing.” He kissed the top of her head.
She lifted her head and beamed at him. “It’s perfect.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. And yes.”
Bill flashed his biggest smile, the one she’d only seen a handful of times. “I’ll tell Saul to find me a nice beach. And a nicer looking eyepatch.”
Laura giggled. “Why sunrise anyway?”
“You know how pissed Saul and Kara will be first thing in the morning? They’ll be too hung over to object.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later that evening, Laura watched in amusement as Bill took his spare pillow and blanket to the couch.
“Don’t you think we’re past that point?” Laura asked.
He frowned for a second before grinning sheepishly. “Habit.”
She sat perched on the edge of his rack, which, thank the gods, was twice the size of a normal rack, but not quite as big as a real bed. She’d changed into the soft, worn shirt he’d given her from his closet when she began staying there during her treatment. Her bare legs were tucked under her. She patted the sheets lightly.
As Bill slowly walked from the couch to the rack, nervous flutters overcame her. She wasn’t sure what to expect tonight, but whatever happened between them was fine with her. He sat on the rack beside her and drummed his fingers nervously against his thigh. She grabbed his fingers and squeezed.
“I, uh…” he began. “It’s been a long time.”
“Three years,” Laura said.
“Seventeen years,” Bill admitted a heartbeat later.
“What?” she gasped.
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah.”
“Wow.” She let her mind wander to where she was seventeen years ago. Dating a nice fellow named Victor as she remembered. And she’d certainly seen more action since then. In retrospect, perhaps a little too much.
Bill looked at her seriously. “It’s not something I take lightly. I don’t believe in sex without love. And I’ve been in love three times. Once,” he drew a line with one finger across her palm. “During the war.” She saw his face darken a little. She sensed it didn’t end happily at all. He added a second finger and drew two lines. “Then Carolanne.”
He added a third finger, the one that she suddenly noticed wasn’t wrapped in a gold band. He traced her palm slowly with all three fingers. “I love you,” he whispered.
Laura let go of the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “About time.”
Bill laughed and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. “In all seriousness,” he admitted. “I don’t know how I would do. I am on painkillers for my hand at the moment. It could mess with…things.” He looked genuinely concerned.
She squeezed his hand tightly. “Then we wait for the right time. I think we need rest anyway. It’s been a long few days.”
“Really?”
“Hmm,” she hummed in agreement. “There’s always tomorrow.”
His face brightened. “That there is.”
“But tonight,” she said as she pulled him down onto the mattress beside her. “I just want you to hold me.”
“That I can do.” Bill pulled the blanket over both of them, kissed the soft reddish fuzz beginning to sprout on her scalp, and wrapped his arms round her.
This, Laura thought, is home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Much later, into the early morning, Laura slipped from bed. One of the side effects of her treatment was a weak bladder. Bill shifted in his sleep into the spot she previously occupied. One of her guilty pleasures during her time living in his quarters was to watch him sleep. She knew he did the same, as she often sensed his presence, and feigned sleep to allow him that pleasure. She stood at his side for a few moments watching his unguarded expression before going to the head.
After relieving herself, she stood at the cracked mirror, another victim of Bill’s breakdown. Dried blood caked one corner, and spidery shards shattered her face into a thousand fragments. In the larger pieces, and in his shaving mirror, she could see her future. Cancer take her or not, she would spend the rest of her days with William Adama. A deeply flawed man, prone to anger, too willing to trust, hard and stubborn and all of the things that would normally infuriate her.
He was perfect.
She ran her fingertips over the soft down covering her scalp. She was three days behind on her diloxin treatment, but a quick call to Doctor Cottle yesterday had assured her that it was within acceptable limits. She had a treatment scheduled for the next morning. At least she and Bill would have a chance later tonight to move things along in their relationship. A small smile crept over her face as her mind wandered.
She was brought out of her little fantasy world by a hesitant rapping on the hatch. Throwing her robe over her shoulders, she glanced at Bill, who was still happily asleep in a painkiller induced dreamland. She opened the hatch a little and saw Saul Tigh holding a sheaf of papers with the marine glaring at him.
“Madame President,” he nodded. “I have the report the Admiral requested.”
Laura studied him for a moment. “Please come in Colonel. Thank you marine,” she said to the gun toting brick wall outside the hatch. She knew that if she needed him, he would be there in a second. She also knew, deep inside, that she would not.
Tigh stepped in hesitantly and glanced around. He clearly was not comfortable. He stared at her bare head.
“It’s growing back,” she assured him. “Slowly. Pretty soon the universe’s follicle balance will be restored and I’ll have more hair than you again.”
Tigh quirked up his lips in a half smile and relaxed slightly.
“Bill is asleep. Have a seat, Colonel, and tell me what the survey teams have found.”
They sat at the small table she used as a desk and he spread the papers around. “Northern hemisphere is completely frakked.” He pointed at a map with red circles on it, mostly along coasts in the north. He pointed to an area on the eastern coast of one continent that had about ten circles in a hundred mile stretch up and down the coast. “We landed here. They really didn’t like that area. Blew it all to hell. West coast is similar. Some in the central area, near some big lakes and down a river. And then,” he slid his finger east across an ocean to another continent. “This whole thing is gone. It was pretty industrialized too.” He pointed to a yellow area to the southeast. “Why the frak *this* area got nuked is beyond me. Big frakking desert. Must have been strategic.”
Dozens of red circles also covered a huge land mass and small chain of islands even further east. A few crossed into the southern hemisphere, and one large island had several rings. Two landmasses to the south were mostly clear, with red circles separated by
hundreds, if not thousands of miles.
“So what about the southern continents?” Laura asked.
“Well, if the radiation didn’t kill ‘em, the gods damned cold did. Nuclear winter would have lowered the global temperatures quite a bit, destroyed crops, killed ecosystems. The good news is, it looks like it was long enough ago that the temperatures are stabilizing. It’s downright balmy down there.”
“And the bad news?”
Tigh sighed. “No signs of human life. We found cities and towns that weren’t nuked. No people. Unconfirmed reports of animal life. And lots of vegetation.”
Laura smiled sadly. “It’s a start.”
“It is. Estimates put the nuking at about 150 years ago, based on carbon dating and radiation half-life. Those surviving cities are falling down on themselves. We should be able to salvage a lot of building materials from them.”
“And information,” Laura said excitedly. “We need to learn about them, their society, their culture.”
Tigh grunted. “That’s your thing.”
Laura sat back in her chair and studied the man Bill had known for over thirty years. To think that he was a Cylon all this time was still unfathomable to her. Tory hadn’t shocked her as much as Saul Tigh. This revelation hurt most because it hurt Bill.
“So,” she drawled. “I hear congratulations are in order.”
Tigh stiffened and shook his head. “It’s a gods damned cosmic joke is what it is.”
Laura nodded in agreement. “One Cylon isn’t supposed to have children, much less a pair of them. So we have Hera, then Nicky Tyrol, and you. The universe is changing. Adapting. Life finds a way.” She crossed her arms. “She seems to like you. What are you going to do about her?”
“I’m too old to be a frakking father, but we’ll manage something. Not sure what. Haven’t really talked about it with her.” His expression sobered. “You know, if you want to airlock me still, I understand. Lee gave us amnesty, but if it needs to be done, you gotta do it. You gotta protect humanity.”
“It may come to that, Colonel. But right now, we need everyone on this.” She pointed at the map. “And Bill needs his friend.”
Tigh shook his head and laughed without humor. “Bill’s got you.”
“He does. But Saul,” she whispered as she leaned towards him. “If this cancer takes me, I need you to take care of him.”
“I will. You promise me the same. That man is my brother.” He stood from his chair and offered his hand. She took it and smiled. This was the man Bill trusted above all else. Therefore, she trusted him, Cylon or not.
She walked him to the hatch. He stopped short of opening it. “You know,” he said as he turned around with a wry grin. “Love’s a frakked up thing. It made Admiral William Frakking Adama sit in a Raptor to impress some girl. Damn fool would have sat there was almost out of air before coming back here.”
Laura smiled. “It worked.”
Tigh snorted as he left the room and the hatch closed behind him.
Laura processed all the information Tigh had given her about Earth. Maybe there was a nice beach somewhere, she mused as she removed her robe and climbed back into bed with a still sleeping Bill. By instinct, he wrapped his arms around her contentedly and sighed.
As she closed her eyes, she heard him whisper into her ear, “I would have sat there until I was out of air completely. I wouldn’t have come back.”
Laura smiled and kissed the bridge of his nose. “I know,” she whispered, pulling him closer as sleep took her.