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Chapter Text

2159

He swung his legs back and forth, feet barely touching the ground as the bottom of his shoes made a slight scuff with each pass. A century ago, scientists and engineers revolutionized medicine with the invention of aseptic floors. Each pressurized step was immediately disinfected by an instantaneously drying antiseptic, vastly decreasing the rate of nosocomial infections. The ingenuity of it was overlooked by a seven-year-old Kaidan Alenko, but what he did marvel at was the distinct whooshing sound and light suction of his shoes with every pass over the floor. 

He listened intently to his parents and the doctor speaking outside in hushed voices as he sat alone in the exam room. Besides the flecks of green in the gray floors, the only other color in the room was the display holo-poster on the wall that featured a rotation of anatomical body parts. Currently, it was showing a human heart with all of the properly labeled sections. 

He sounded out the words he didn’t recognize in his head, mouthing the pronunciation. An-tee-ree-or vee-nuh kay-vuh. He found himself wishing that his brother was here to help him pass the time. They got along well thanks to the statute his father placed on family loyalty and brotherhood. Sure healthy competition was a necessary thing growing up, but Kaidan admired his brother. Where Kaidan was shy and cautious, Lucas was bold and eccentric. He was perfectly happy with Lucas being the center of attention. 

Outside he knew they were talking about him, but he couldn’t make out the entire conversation. What came through clearly was the doctor repeating the same sentiment; they were lucky, things could be a lot worse. 

_______

The blaring silence on the way home left him feeling like he was being punished despite knowing he didn’t do anything wrong. The feeling mixed with confusion when his mother occasionally turned around from the front seat to give him a weak smile and then stare daggers into her husband. 

His father was inside the house before Kaidan could even shut the car door. His mother ushered him toward the front door, gently rubbing his shoulders. As they walked through the front door Kaidan could see the bay view from their living room. His attempt to go into his room was interrupted by his mother ushering him in the opposite direction toward the kitchen. She pulled a datapad out of the cabinet, gently tapped a numerical code onto its face, and handed it to him. When she spoke, she confirmed what he was already thinking.

“Why don’t you go sit outside for a little bit while I talk to your father. Your grandparents should be bringing your brother home soon”, she said. 

Her eyes, a deep walnut brown just like his, stared at him in adoration, but she had the same weak smile. He accepted the datapad and nodded as she kissed him on the top of his head and he headed to the back patio. 

It was about to be summer in Vancouver and the weather was just starting to get warmer, but with their house being this close to the bay it was colder than he was anticipating. Their house had been in the family for generations. It used to be a small home in a suburban neighborhood, but with time and global warming became a beachfront property overlooking the bay. Expensive homes that once stood in the water before him were abandoned and eroded years ago. 

His parents had outfitted the home to fit its new location by building an expansive patio with stairs leading to the beach and tall glass windows overlooking the view. His favorite memories were summer evenings when their family would barbecue on the patio. The smell of smoked meats and sea salt thick in the air. He and Lucas would run down to the water and skip rocks. Sometimes they would stay out there until it got dark or started to rain, running inside only to have their mother scold them for tracking wet sand into the house.

Kaidan sat down in one of their chairs overlooking the bay, a saltwater breeze whipped up into the air and mist settled delicately on his skin. He thought about the recent incident. 

It’s late. they’re both wondering why their parents haven’t told them to go to bed yet, but they aren’t about to push it. The holoscreen in front of them flashes an image indicating Lucas has won again. He feels immense frustration as his grip tightens over the controller in his hands. He’s tired, even if he doesn’t fully admit it to himself, but he feels the oppression of being a younger brother more than usual. Lucas’s gloating is like nails on a chalkboard. The room is electric with his anger…or maybe just electric. The crack of the glass window pane behind him is deafening despite Lucas’s loud laughter and silence envelops them both. He opens his eyes to find the faintest blue aura covering his hands and arms. Staring in disbelief at his hands, flipping them slowly back and forth, he sees the look of shock that plays over Lucas’s face. He feels power for a split second before his mother stumbles into the room and screams. 

The cool breeze and unsettling memory prickled as goosebumps formed over his limbs. He decided to go back inside to grab his jacket, but as he walked through the door he could hear his parents arguing in their bedroom. He took a seat at the kitchen table and listened closely.

“He’s getting the implant,” his father said.

“What? Nobody knows anything about them and he’s too young for us to even think about that,” she said.

“Well, when he’s old enough he’ll get the implant and he’ll join the Alliance. They are trying to figure out what to do with kids like him.”

Her voice broke. “Kids like him? God do you hear yourself, he is our son.” 

His father sighed with exhaustion and paused. Kaidan could imagine his face, stern and deep in thought. 

“Look, the doctor is right - we got lucky. After what happened in Singapore you’re both healthy. The truth of it is, the Alliance may be the only place for someone like Kaidan, but that’s not a bad thing.”

Singapore. Kaidan only knew his father was stationed out there for months before he was born. His brother, too young to recall any of the details, had told him about an incident that put their mother in the hospital when she was pregnant with Kaidan. His mind raced in the silence - implant?

“It might not even be what he wants when he’s older,” she said. He could hear that she was already crying and his heart sank just a little bit more. 

“And he might not have a choice. Until then, we keep this quiet, who knows what will happen if people find out.” 

His father walked out into the hallway and saw him from the corner of his eye. Kaidan quickly shifted his gaze toward the datapad in his hands, absently thumbing over the screen and hoping he wouldn't realize that he had been listening. 

“Kaidan,” he said as he walked into the kitchen. 

He knelt in front of him, his face searching for something as their eyes met. “Do you understand what happened the other night, with the living room-”

“It wasn’t me! I didn’t even touch the window, I swear!” He wasn’t lying, but a part of him knew that he did break the window. 

Ignoring his outburst, his father continued. “When your mother was pregnant with you she was in an accident on the base in Singapore. She was exposed to element zero, you remember learning about that in school?”

Somberly he nodded in response. He remembered that element zero is a solid matter and can release dark energy. He remembered that it powers the mass relays discovered just a few years before he was born. He would normally be excited to tell his father all of this, but right now he just felt empty.

“Well when that happens it can be really dangerous, but your mother didn’t get hurt and neither did you. We were very lucky and instead, it gave you something special…it gave you… abilities .” 

“Like a superhero?” Kaidan asked.

His father thought about this for what seemed like an eternity, flipping the idea over in his mind. “Kind of like a superhero, but remember that most superpowers are a secret? We don’t want people to treat you any differently. To treat our family any differently.” 

Kaidan broke his gaze and stared at his shoes. There was a moment of silence and then his dad began to stand and rubbed Kaidan’s head, tousling his dark-brown hair. 

“I think it’s best to just pretend this never happened. Try not to think about it anymore and things will go back to normal.” 

As if prompted, the front door opened and he could hear his grandparents laughing at something with his brother as they entered the house. His father had yet to acknowledge their presence but continued to hover over him. 

“Kaidan, I need you to look at me and tell me you’re going to pretend this never happened.” He said.

Kaidan stood tall, pushed his chair back into its rightful place, and tried to dismiss all the bad thoughts flying around his head. “Yes, sir.” 

His father nodded curtly at him and was at the door in seconds. He patted his brother on the head and began speaking to his wife’s parents in a jovial voice, jarring Kaidan from the heavy gloom that had settled around him. 

His mother joined them shortly after with freshly applied make-up. No one mentioned the doctor’s visit or the heavy conversations that were had just moments ago as they all filed into the living room. At his father’s command, his family would forget the event from a few nights ago as if nothing had happened. 

Kaidan peered around the corner to look at the living room window. The glass lay perfectly undisturbed. Its fragmented pieces, the electric feeling inside him, even the fear he felt was just a memory that was slowly fading away. His brother rushed into the kitchen speaking a mile a minute about his day on their grandparent’s orchard, but Kaidan was stuck on the words his father had left him with. 

Pretend it didn’t happen. Maybe he could, Lucas certainly had.

Chapter Text

2166

Kaidan barely listened as his teacher droned on about chemical reactions until he heard one word that made his heart drop. Biotics . He lifted his head from his doodles disguised as notes and suddenly felt like everyone in the room was staring at him. 

A look around told him that they weren’t, everyone was just as bored. The bell alarmed and his classmates slowly shuffled datapads into bags, chatting amongst themselves as they headed out into the hallway. Kaidan took a deep breath and left as quickly as he could.

He stood at his locker and anxiously punched the combination into the keypad. Biotics were still a brand new thing to their species. Humans, as predictable as ever with what they didn’t understand, treated human biotics just as alien as their newly discovered galactic neighbors. 

Nobody knows, he told himself.

His first-ever “incident” was quickly swept under the rug by his parents. Much to his father’s unknowing disappointment, he wasn’t able to simply forget about it. For a few months he tried, but every so often he would find himself in heated situations, his nerves tingling. He did, however, become accustomed to predicting when the sensation was coming. He was good at hiding it, suppressing it. 

It was about three years after his first incident, watching a vid in class that he figured out what it was, what he was. All the research he could find just left him feeling ashamed. His parents never talked about it and he didn’t bring it up with anyone. There were times when he thought Lucas knew, but if he did, he never mentioned it. Kaidan figured he was probably happy to live in ignorance, no one wanted a freak for a brother. 

Despite it all, his curiosity had gotten the better of him in the last year - the feeling a little bit stronger. In his room, when he knew he was alone, he would try to focus it. It started with small things like being able to move a pencil across his desk and quickly escalated to picking up objects around his room, his body a flickering blue aura, and his hands at his side the whole time. 

He didn’t realize he had been staring into the void of his locker until someone knocked into his shoulder. 

“Hey, are you coming over after practice today?” 

Reality snapped back into place as he looked over and acknowledged his best friend, Anthony speaking to him. 

He stared at him dazed. 

Reading the confused look in his eyes, Anthony began to fill in the gaps. “We talked about finishing the ship program? I think we have four or five more hours of coding and then it should be good to go, right?”

Despite their fathers being in the military, Anthony and Kaidan had lived in Vancouver for most of their lives. At a young age, they bonded over their shared love of model spaceships and old technology. Anthony’s dad, an engineer, would bring home computers that were a hundred years old and they would spend weeks taking them apart and then attempt to get them back in working order. Something about finding an object from human history that was once revered but left to fade with time gave him a sense of existential wonderment and loneliness all at once. 

For the last two years, they had been creating a computer program for model spaceships that would calculate the perfect angles and modifications they would need for optimal flying speed. Almost complete, they had spent the better half of a week staying up as late as possible to finish it. With a new task on his mind, Kaidan pushed past the pit in his stomach and tried to focus on the present. 

“Yeah. We’re so close. We can definitely finish it today,” he said.

Anthony gave him a puzzled look. He was shorter than Kaidan by a few inches with dark skin and curly brown hair that always seemed to get in his eyes. “Are you okay?” 

On more than one occasion Kaidan had thought about telling Anthony about his biotics. But the relief of sharing his burden was outweighed by the fear of being shunned.

“Yeah, I just fell asleep in chem. I feel a little out of it,” he said.

Anthony rolled his eyes. “Great, I have that next.” 

A short alarm went off again indicating they had 5 minutes to get to their next class. 

“See you at practice,” Anthony said as he left.

Kaidan let out a dramatic sigh and looked up at the ceiling, wondering if his life could be simple. As he turned to head to class he felt someone run into him.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” She said. 

He looked down and froze. Sanaya stood still, her face scrunched up in pain. The palm of her hand rested over her forehead as if the sheer thought of movement would split her head open. She had just moved here a few months ago after her mother was stationed at the Vancouver Alliance base. His parents had had their family over for dinner a few times and Kaidan never failed to be anything but awkward in front of her. 

She opened her eyes slowly. “Sometimes it’s easy to forget how short I am until it literally hits me in the face.” She gave him a warm smile. 

Suddenly aware of their close proximity, any sort of witty response he had instead came out as a sort of half-laugh. He just stood there, still frozen in his thoughts. 

Her eyes looked around as she waited for him to say something and the smile on her face turned into mild confusion. “Well, I’ll see you around, Kaidan.” 

She moved past him and on to her next class while his brain waited for his heart to catch up. 

_______

They sat at his desk in front of the computer screen, brows furrowed and frustrations high. The room was small, but he didn’t have to share it with Lucas, which he was grateful for. His bed sat in the corner, unmade despite his mother’s incessant nagging. Model spaceships, some half-built, littered the bookshelf against the wall. 

Anthony sighed. “I don’t understand why it won’t run properly”. 

Kaidan sat back in his chair, tipping his weight back so that it balanced on two legs. “I don’t know, but I’m super hungry. I know we wanted to finish this tonight, but how about we call it for the day? We can get to it this weekend.”

Anthony stopped what was doing and looked at him. “We have the semi-finals this weekend and there’s that team barbeque on Sunday, remember? You sure you’re okay? You’ve been weird today.” 

Kaidan shrugged. “Oh yeah. I’m just tired. But, we might still have time. It will give us a break to think and help us come at this from a different angle.” Despite his best efforts, Kaidan’s brain had still spent most of the day preoccupied with the topic of biotics. 

Sensing his lack of interest in the conversation, Anthony switched tactics. “I think Sanaya is going to be at that barbeque.” He nudged Kaidan in the ribs. 

Kaidan felt his cheeks burn. “I heard she’s into Thomas.” 

Thomas was the captain of their lacrosse team and in typical form, one of the more popular guys in school. 

Anthony rolled his eyes, “Whatever, dude…pretty sure she’s into you . But, listen, I’m going to head out. See you at school tomorrow.” 

“See ya”, Kaidan replied, nodding his head. 

Anthony picked up his backpack and left the room. Kaidan stood up and headed out to the kitchen, stopping first and staring at himself in the mirror on the wall. He was tall with tousled dark brown hair that matched his eyes and olive skin that tanned easily in the summer sun. Despite being a somewhat lanky fifteen-year-old, girls seemed to give him attention, he just wasn’t sure what to do with it. He couldn’t help but smile to himself at Anthony’s words and went into the kitchen. 

His mother smiled as he walked into the room. “Good, dinner is almost ready. I thought Anthony would be staying, but he said his mom wanted him home. Can you set the table?”

“I set it last night and did all the dishes, where is Lucas?” He whined. 

She pushed the silverware on the counter toward him. “He’s on a run with your father, but I’ll make sure he does the dishes tonight.” She winked at him and continued to make dinner. 

Reluctantly he took the place settings and silverware and began to set the table just as his brother and father burst through the door. Kaidan liked being outdoors, but he was also perfectly content spending the day rebuilding a broken datapad. His father and brother seemed to share the same love of all sports and physical activity. Although he was on the lacrosse team, he always felt like his father found his interest in tech to be beneath him. 

“Lucas finally beat my time,” his father said as he took a large gulp of water. 

Kaidan rolled his eyes, but no one took notice. 

“That’s great honey, but you’re both filthy, please go shower before you sit down at my table.” His mother shooed Lucas from behind the counter. 

“You gotta come with us next time little brother,” Lucas said, patting Kaidan hard on the back. “You’ll never beat Newcrest this weekend sitting at your desk and we all know I’d kick your ass too.”

“Language!” both of his parents said.

Lucas threw his hands up in the air, smiling, and backed out of the kitchen, “Alright, alright.” 

At first glance, Lucas and Kaidan could be twins, but a closer look at them side by side would reveal Lucas to be more athletically built, slightly taller, and with sharper facial features. Kaidan thought fondly that it was only a few more months before Lucas left for college.

“Kaidan, did you finish your program with Anthony today?” His mother asked.

“Not yet, we should be able to do it this weekend.” He sat down at the table, nervously moving his silverware around. He hated talking about these things in front of his dad. 

“The semi-finals are this weekend. Let's try to focus on the important things, Kaidan.” His father stood behind him, put his hand on his shoulder, and squeezed tightly.

“Yes, sir”, Kaidan mumbled. 

His mother stared at his father, “Fedir, shower. Now.” 

He released his grip from Kaidan’s shoulder, chuckled, and left the room.

They ate dinner quietly, his brother filling the space with stories about school and his impending departure to college. His parents left the room after dinner to watch the news - an evening ritual while his brother and he cleaned. Kaidan helped clear the table as Lucas did the dishes.

“Hey K, come over here real quick.” Lucas motioned at him with his head.

Kaidan crossed the room and leaned on the counter near his brother. “I just wanted to say, I think it’s really cool you’re getting that program done, I know you guys have been working on it for a while,” Lucas said.

“Uh…thanks?” Kaidan said. 

“It’s just,” he paused, the sink water still running, and lowered his voice, “I know dad gives you a hard time for that stuff, but you’re damn good at it and you can make a lot of money doing it. You don’t need to join the Alliance like he wants…I mean, you can if you want to, but don’t hold yourself back for anything or anyone.” He looked over and smiled at him. 

Kaidan raised his eyebrows. “You heard him earlier, didn’t you?” 

“Yeah, so what? That doesn’t make it any less true. You’re a smart kid, but sometimes you need to stand up for yourself. Just remember that when I’m gone in a few months. Mom isn’t the only one who’s proud of you.” Lucas smiled at him and nodded toward the doorway. “Now get out of here before I make you do the rest of these.” 

A warm feeling passed over him. He wasn’t looking for his brother’s approval, at least not consciously, but it felt good having it. He turned to leave but stopped in the doorway. 

“Thanks, man. I might actually miss you while you’re at school,” he said.

“Don’t I know it,” said Lucas.

Kaidan headed back to his room. His father had taught them how to use a gun by the time they were ten years old. Joining the Alliance was always the plan for both of them, but Lucas had strayed from that path years ago. It left Kaidan with the burden of upholding his father’s wishes. It was heavy enough to build resentment - toward Lucas, toward his father, toward himself for not knowing what he wanted. Lucas’ attitude about following your dreams was admirable, but sometimes Kaidan wished the universe would find a way to make these decisions for him.

Chapter Text

2166

He took a long sip from his water bottle and wiped the sweat off his forehead. The game was close and their team was barely in the lead. Kaidan played goalie and was pretty good at it, despite his general lack of interest in the game. He had joined the lacrosse team out of necessity but over time grew to enjoy it. 

It was a surprisingly warm day for the late time of year. Fluffy white clouds peppered the sky and loud cheering could be heard from both sides of the field. He turned around to see his whole family in the crowd and gave them a tired smile. His coach yelled for a huddle and he jogged over. 

“I don’t need to tell you, boys, that this win is important. We haven’t been this close to a championship in six years, but I know you can taste it now. Get out there and give ‘em hell. On three. One, two, three.”

“Titans!” They all shouted and dispersed to their field positions. 

Kaidan watched the game through the slits in his helmet, keeping his eyes on the ball at all times. With his lacrosse stick in one hand, he stood in between the goalpost shifting his weight from one leg to the other. His teammates weaved in and out of the gaps left between the other players waiting for any opportunity to get the ball back. 

The game was almost over, seconds flicked by on the scoreboard. He just needed to hold out a little longer and make sure the other team didn’t score. 

He strained his peripheral vision to catch a glimpse of the ball being passed behind him. Coming up around the goalpost someone from the other team tossed the ball over their shoulder in his direction. Kaidan quickly bent his knees, lifted his stick to catch the ball, and time froze. 

He knew he wouldn’t catch it. The ball would miss by a few centimeters and the other team would score. He could feel his nerves tingling and before he could even think about what he was doing the ball moved slightly in mid-air. There was a hint of blue surrounding it that anyone else might have assumed was just a trick of the sunlight. He felt the ball sink into the mesh of his stick. The crowd erupted and his teammates slammed into him, hugging each other and cheering. Kaidan felt an overwhelming sense of dread. 

“We did it!” Anthony smiled and threw his arm around his shoulder. 

Kaidan forced himself to smile and gulped down nausea. They headed off the field and the rest of the day seemed to blur by him. He continually tried to convince himself that he didn’t use biotics to move the ball. He was good at lacrosse, he caught the ball. 

At least that's what he kept repeating to himself, over and over. He had never cheated in anything and if anyone else had taken notice, no one mentioned it. The congratulations kept coming and when they sat down for dinner, Kaidan had almost convinced himself it was all his imagination. 

His family ate happily and chatted. Lucas shook his head in disbelief. “That catch. K…that was something. I didn’t know you were that skilled at anything.”

Kaidan kicked him under the table and rolled his eyes. A chuckle escaped Lucas and Kaidan noted their father staring at him. He realized that he hadn’t spoken at all that evening. Their eyes met and a weight settled over him, digging into his shoulders. 

He knew. Everything was real, he hadn’t imagined it. 

Kaidan’s father was a large man with the same pale olive skin as his son’s and short dark hair. Shortly before the first contact war, he was honorably discharged from his pilot position after a back injury, but years of being in the Alliance had hardened his muscles and kept him in top physical condition. He towered over most men, but it was his gaze that Kaidan found the most intimidating. 

His mother took notice, though unaware of the implications behind their expressions. “We’re all really proud of you sweetheart,” she said, gently squeezing his hand. 

Kaidan broke eye contact with his father and gave her a forced smile, his confession pounded against clenched teeth. 

They all watched a movie before heading to bed, but Kaidan couldn’t even remember the ending, his mind was so preoccupied. He stood pacing back and forth in his room and before he knew it he found himself knocking on Lucas’s door. 

Lucas opened it. “What's up?” He asked, peering from behind the barely open door. 

Kaidan chewed his lip nervously. “Can I talk to you about something?” 

He heard the quiet laughter of a girl in the background. From a stretched angle he could see Lucas’s girlfriend on the screen behind him. 

“Does it need to be right now?” He asked. 

Kaidan knew his brother would stop whatever he was doing even if it involved the opposite sex to listen to him if he really needed it. But what was he going to say? Even finding the words to begin to talk about biotics left his mouth dry and his heart racing. 

Kaidan raised his eyebrows. “No, it can definitely wait. Have fun.” 

Lucas grinned. “Night brother.”

“Goodnight,” he murmured over his shoulder as he headed down the hallway to his room. 

He flopped on his bed, swimming in his thoughts. There was nothing he could do about it now. He grabbed a lacrosse ball that was sitting on his nightstand and began aimlessly throwing it at the ceiling. He tossed it up, stopped it in mid-air, and let the ball roll around in dark energy. The tingling in his body turned to ache and he let the ball fall into his hands. 

_______

A week had passed since the semi-final game. They would be playing in the finals in a few days and despite his best efforts Kaidan was starting to worry about the possibility of another uncontrolled biotic display. He laid in bed half-awake before hunger got the better of him. 

The doorbell rang. 

It wasn’t unusual. They were friends with a lot of their neighbors, but it was a little early for a visit on a Sunday morning. 

The doorbell rang again. He wondered where his parents were. 

He shuffled out of his room to the front door in his pajamas, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The holo screen on the wall next to the door showed two men in suits standing outside. Kaidan stiffened, something was wrong. He turned around and began quietly searching for anyone, but no one was home.

The doorbell rang a third time. 

A sense of foreboding built in his chest. Just answer the door and see what they want. But something was stopping him - a primal urge in the back of his mind telling him to run. 

He reached for the door handle as the sound of the doorbell filled his home for the fourth time.

It was dark outside -  a foggy and cloudy day. The chill of the air washed over his face as he squinted into the shockingly bright cloud cover.  The two men wore crisp black suits that created a harrowing contrast against the sky. One of them removed his sunglasses and gave him a fake smile. 

“Hi there, you wouldn’t happen to be Mr. Kaidan Alenko, would you?” The man asked. He reminded Kaidan of car salesmen -always faking sincerity for personal gain.

Kaidan swallowed and glanced around. He had one hand against the door frame, the other hand ready to slam the door closed. “My parents aren’t home right now, “ he said apprehensively. 

That stupid smile stayed plastered to the man’s face. “My name is Randall Zalinsky. We can certainly wait for them, but we actually came to talk to you.”

Kaidan looked at the other man who was still wearing sunglasses and hadn’t spoken. He seemed bored. Kaidan shut the door and locked it immediately. He turned to the holoscreen next to him and typed in commands to make sure the security systems were in place. 

“Mr. Alenko, we’re from the Alliance!” He shouted.

Kaidan leaned his back against the door, slumped down, and buried his head in between his knees. Something was very, very wrong. He could feel it all over his body. 

Where the hell is everyone? He thought angrily. 

As if willed into existence he heard the sound of his father behind the door. “Can I help you?”

Kaidan stumbled up as he heard the door scanner recognize his father’s identity, ready to unlock at the push of his hand. 

“You must be Flight Lieutenant Alenko!” The man said.

“First Flight Lieutenant,” his father corrected as the door opened. “What can we help you gentleman with?” He repeated. 

Kaidan noted Lucas behind him with a similar look of trepidation.

The second man finally spoke. “Sir, I’m Captain Edward Mann. I’m in charge of the juvenile division of the Alliance Parliamentary Subcommittee for Transhuman Studies -”

“The Alliance what now?” Lucas interrupted. 

“Lucas, inside, now.” His father said. 

Accepting the gravity of the situation, Lucas slipped inside and spotted Kaidan plastered against the wall. They made eye contact and Kaidan could see the confusion in Lucas’ eyes. 

Let’s go, Lucas mouthed and gently steered Kaidan into the kitchen. 

The conversation between his father and the two men became distant. He heard Captain Mann introduce Mr. Zalinsky as someone from Conatix. The name rang a bell in the recesses of his mind - a corporation he heard about on the news.

“Sir, we just need a few minutes of your time.” Mr. Zalinsky implored. 

“Certainly,” his father said. 

Kaidan could hear them heading into the living room.

“It might be prudent for Kaidan to be here as well,” Captain Mann suggested. 

His father called for him. 

Kaidan stared blankly as Lucas gestured for him to go into the living room. He shook his head no. Lucas gave him a puzzled look, walked over, and put his hand on his shoulder.

“Come on,” he muttered. 

The five of them sat in the living room and for a few seconds, no one spoke. 

Captain Mann cleared his throat, “As I said, I’m in charge of the juvenile division of the Alliance Parliamentary Subcommittee for Transhuman Studies. With the help of Conatix, we have started a program called Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training on Gagarin Station.”

Kaidan thought he might vomit right there. His palms were slick with sweat. He glanced around at everyone. “But I’m not a biotic,” he blurted out. 

“It’s okay, Kaidan”, his father said, giving him a reassuring nod. “Let Captain Mann finish what he’s trying to say.” 

Kaidan’s breathing quickened, the taste of bile stung the back of his throat, but he tried to listen.

“We’re calling it BAat for short. It is essentially a training program for young kids, like Kaidan, to hone and better understand their…abilities.”

Like a superhero? He remembers asking his father. 

“When they’re finished, the goal is to find a place for them in the Alliance to best use their skills,” Captain Mann explained.

“It’s a great opportunity for humans to show the galaxy what we can do with these very exciting developments in human biology”, Mr. Zalinsky said.

At that moment his mother walked into the doorway and dropped the bags she was carrying. She looked around. “What’s all this?” She asked. 

His father invited her down and caught her up on the current conversation. Her face was pale and Kaidan guessed she felt exactly like him. 

“How long is the program?” His father asked.

“A little over two years. Well, until he turns 18,” Captain Mann said.

“What?” Lucas, Kaidan, and his mother exclaimed. 

She continued, “Captain Mann, with all due respect, that is just ridiculous. Kaidan is in school…he…he has friends and a life here. He can’t just get up and go to some space station for years.”

Kaidan, still speechless, felt somewhat assured. His mother wouldn’t let this happen. 

Captain Mann continued, “He will continue to get a normal education aboard the space station, biotic training is just part of the curriculum. And while I understand that a sudden move can be unsettling, Kaidan will surely make friends while he is there. And you’ll be able to talk to your family as much as you want.” He made eye contact with Kaidan, who looked away immediately. 

“I understand this is a shock to all of you, but it is important for the Alliance to fully understand the capabilities of someone like Kaidan now before any damage is done. What if he hurts himself or worse someone else -”

“I would never do that!” He shouted. 

Captain Mann nodded. “Well of course, not on purpose, but unfortunately Kaidan, even you don’t know what you’re capable of.” 

The fact hit him like a ton of bricks. He was right. All these months he had been afraid of that very reality. He wanted to understand what this thing he had meant, but not like this. Definitely not like this. 

Mr. Zalinsky piped up. “Our company has made great strides in researching the best way to enhance and hone Kaidan’s abilities with brain implants and -”

Lucas sneered, “What did you just say? Brain implants?”

Kaidan already knew it. Somewhere in the dark corners of his mind lived that memory as a child overhearing his parent’s conversation with the doctor. He remembered the squishy floors and the smell of antiseptic. 

Captain Mann shot Mr. Zalinsky a look of disapproval and addressed the room. “Research has shown that the best way to enhance the nervous system’s performance and be able to control biotic abilities is a perfectly safe implant in the brain.” 

“My son is not a research experiment,” his mother spat out.

“This is a fucking joke right?” Lucas exclaimed. 

“Lucas, you need -” his father said. 

“No, no! I’m sorry this is insane ! You’re talking about taking a fifteen-year-old boy to a space station in god-knows-where to put a newly researched implant in his brain so that, what? He’s a better soldier for the Alliance?” He looked at his parents exasperated. “You guys can’t seriously be considering this?”

“Enough!” His father boomed. “Captain Mann, Mr. Zalinsky, I think our family needs a few moments to discuss this.”

“Of course. We can give you some time, however, Kaidan would need to leave today,” Captain Mann said. They began to get up simultaneously and head for the door.

Lucas scoffed. Kaidan’s jaw dropped. 

“And if we say no?” his mother called out as they left the room. 

The Captain took a few steps back and turned around slowly. Staring directly at Kaidan’s mother he said, “It may take a lot of paperwork and some lawyers, but with all due respect ma’am, you don’t have a choice. This is a government affair now.”

Kaidan couldn’t move. He couldn’t think or laugh or cry or beg his parents to do something, anything but let them take him. He felt completely lifeless as they discussed things in front of him. There was a lot of shouting, especially from his mother and Lucas. His father was stern, not callous, but insistent on the safety of the matter. Kaidan imagined the lacrosse ball moving in his mind.

“You did this.” He looked at his father. Betrayal settled in.

Everyone turned to him, surprised to hear him speak. 

“You told them…about the lacrosse game,” he said.

“What is he talking about?” His mother asked. 

Silence enveloped them all, but Kaidan and his father didn’t stop staring at each other. 

His mother looked around wildly trying to piece things together. “Fedir? What is he saying? What did you -” his mother was in tears now, “you…you told them?”

His father turned to his mother. “Belinda please, he used it to win the lacrosse game. That ‘game-winning’ catch wasn’t real, he -”

Her voice changed to a tone Kaidan rarely ever heard. “So you’re giving away our son because he cheated in some stupid game?” 

“Of course not! But in public? I didn’t, I didn’t know… this would happen!” 

Kaidan had never seen his father look so small.

Her eyes found him across the room, absolutely heartbroken. “Kaidan…,” she sobbed.

No.

“Please…please don’t,” he whispered.

She walked across the room and held his face in her hands. He felt his tears wet and heavy on his cheeks. 

“Kaidan, we love you so much,” she choked out the words and continued, “but there is some truth to what he is saying. I would never forgive myself if you got hurt messing with things none of us understand. This might be the best place for you and it’s just temporary.”

“No, it's not the best place for me. Please…mom, please don’t let them take me,” he stammered. 

He knew it was futile. He had heard those final words. In the end, they didn’t have a choice. Fighting it would only hurt more. 

“Fuck this,” Lucas said and stormed out. 

His mother didn’t move. Hands still cupped to his face, her brown eyes glistening with emotion. He steeled himself and nodded. 

She pressed her forehead against his and whispered, “It’s going to be okay.” 

He didn’t believe her and that bothered him more than anything else. Up until this point in life, his mother had always been his protector. As long as she was there, everything would be okay, but today he shed that facade and faced an unknown greater than he could have ever imagined.

Chapter Text

October 2166

Aside from his father, no one in Kaidan’s family had ever ventured out to space. Still relatively new to humanity, space travel to Kaidan was a mysterious and grand adventure waiting to be conquered. But for all his excitement and dreams about traveling into space, in this moment where it was actually happening, all he felt was fear. He was angry at the world for his predicament, but he was even angrier at himself for being so afraid. It took several days for them to get to Gagarin Station and in that time he spoke to none of the other children. Instead, he spent those days in a daze, unsure if this was reality or a terrible nightmare; every morning hoping he’d wake up at home only to find himself in a metal bunk bed that creaked with every breath he took.

Gagarin Station, affectionately referred to as Jump Zero, was stark on the inside. As a former research facility, it lacked warmth and had a sterile feel to it. His first thought as they boarded the station was relief that gravity on the station seemed to closely mimic Earth; one of the many thoughts he’d never imagined he’d think. Their group walked down a long hallway with white-metal painted walls and silver accents. His eyes blinked rapidly as they adjusted to the exceedingly bright light. Identical halls interwove to make a perplexing pattern. His brain, desperate to focus on anything but the matter at hand, tried to imagine a map of the station but failed as the surroundings became more and more repetitive. 

The woman leading the line stopped abruptly. She resembled the kind of mean teacher you would see in a vid - ready to scold anyone that spoke out of turn. “This is our first stop. In here you will find an Alliance uniform with your name on it, undergarments, and a pair of shoes. When you are not in your sleeping quarters you will be wearing this uniform. Each of your rooms is equipped with a chute where at the end of the day you will put your dirty uniform. This means that every night before going to bed you will stop by this room to pick up a clean uniform for the next day. Are there any questions, cadets?” 

No one spoke.

“Good. I will wait here while you gather your items.” 

Kaidan, taller than the other children, could see her gesture for them to enter the room. 

The second child in line, a young girl, followed the first. The woman stopped her abruptly with her hand. “One at a time.” she chided, enunciating each word. 

When his turn came, Kaidan entered the small closet-like room. A metal rod stretched the length of the room where maroon Alliance uniforms hung neatly on hangers. Below them sat a pair of all-black sneakers. He noticed his at the front with K. Alenko embroidered on the breast. He unhooked the uniform and took his spot back in line. 

The silent tour continued and with each step, he gave in to the fear that he felt. He couldn’t imagine he’d survive years of being here. Maybe I won’t be any good and they’ll send me home early , he thought.

They came to an equally bland room filled with rows of metal chairs. The woman leading their group gestured for them to take their seats. “We’ll just wait here for the other groups to enter,” she said. 

They sat in silence for what seemed like eons before groups of children led by instructors shuffled into the room and took their seats. Kaidan realized he had no idea how many students would be there, but by the end of it, the room was filled with about forty children. He scanned the isles without making too much of a spectacle. There seemed to be an even number of boys and girls, ages seven to seventeen. Some of them were crying, others had the same vacant look that he felt, and a few sat with their arms crossed, huffing in anger. 

Four instructors mingled amongst each other at the front of the room while they all waited. One of them laughed and then they began passing out small ear-pieces to everyone in the room. A tall man, perhaps in his late 20s stood in front of the room. He wore the same blue Alliance uniform as the other instructors and thin black-rimmed glasses. He smiled, genuinely, at them. 

“Hello everyone, I’m Lieutenant Thomas Haverly,” he said in an elegant British accent. “What you’ve just put on is a translator; for those of you that don’t speak English to understand us”, he pointed to the back of the room where Kaidan noticed fifteen or so staff, “and to understand each other.” 

“Welcome to Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training, or BAat, as some of us have affectionately named it.” A holo screen lit up behind him with information on the program’s origins and goals. “During your time here I will be teaching you physics and how it pertains to your abilities and the world around you. But, I am also the director of the program and will be here for any questions, concerns, or other inquiries.”

He continued on like that for a while - explaining the program, the course schedule, what their day-to-day activities would be like, and other trivial facts about life aboard the station. Kaidan might have fallen asleep if his anxiety wasn’t keeping him up. 

“And now, I’ll welcome Dr. Noah Bilyani to discuss your exciting new L2 implants.” He finished. 

Kaidan felt a knot tighten in his stomach. 

A short woman with large glasses that accentuated her dark brown eyes stepped forward. She wore a long lab coat that was shocking against her bronze skin and black hair. She had a look of excitement on her face that felt inappropriate for the melancholy atmosphere. 

“Welcome everyone!” She beamed. “You all have expressed, some more than others,” Kaidan could have sworn she winked at him,  “an uncanny ability to manipulate the mass of an object and therefore gravity around you. Surely by now, you have learned this is due to element zero nodules that are embedded in your nervous system. This is the very same element that has helped us travel into the far reaches of the galaxy!” She was positively giddy. 

“But with great power comes great responsibility!” She chuckled and then her voice dropped into a grim tone. “There has been more than one occasion of biotic humans murdering others simply because they do not know how to control their abilities.” The other instructors murmured in agreement. “That is why it is so important that we give you all the tools and instruction on how to use these skills for good.” 

“In a few weeks, a small implant will be surgically placed at the base of your skull. I know it sounds frightening, but rest assured this procedure has a very short recovery time, is painless, and is entirely safe. The implant will help enhance your biotic abilities and aid you in controlling them into fluid movements. The science behind it is absolutely fascinating, but it’s late and you should all be getting to sleep. I will see you all again in the operating room!” 

Lieutenant Haverly stood back up at the front and addressed the room, “Are there any burning questions you have?” Only silence followed as everyone waited to leave, but then he pointed to a girl in the back. 

Kaidan hadn’t seen her raise her hand, she was so small. “When can I call my mommy?” She asked.

Lieutenant Haverly looked at her with honest sadness, “Unfortunately, due to the sensitive nature of this program, we have elected to cease any communication off the station. That includes the extranet”, then added as an afterthought, “for your safety.” 

The little girl began sobbing loudly and many of the students cursed under their breath. Kaidan thought he was going to be sick. 

The group was dismissed and led to a doorway with a bright holo sign above it that read “Dormitory”. Icons indicating male and female pointed in opposite directions. Small rucksacks with their names on them were scattered in the hallway.

“Cadets, please gather your personal items and pick whatever bed you would like as this will be your new home for the foreseeable future. Bathrooms are at the end of the hall and lights out in twenty minutes!” One of the male instructors shouted as they scattered. 

Kaidan grabbed his belongings or what they had deemed suitable enough for him to keep and picked a room at random. It was slightly bigger than his at home with two metal bunk beds on opposite sides of the room. Someone had the decency to color these walls a pale teal instead of the austere white that lined the rest of the station. Four small bookshelves stood stacked next to the beds. Kaidan noticed that each one on either side of the room already had belongings in it. He glanced at the items on the shelf closest to him. A framed portrait of a smiling, dark-skinned boy with short curly black hair sat next to an older man with an uncanny resemblance. A single book with a worn spine and a baseball sat next to the photo. 

“Murphy is on the top bunk over there and I’ve got this one, mate,” a voice said from behind him. 

He turned to find the boy from the photo, but aged a few years, entering the room and pointing at the bottom bunk closest to him.

“Isham James,” he held out his hand, “but you can call me James.” His accent was subtly British. 

Kaidan, realizing he hadn’t spoken in hours, cleared his throat, “Kaidan Alenko,” he said and shook James’ hand. 

A pale boy with a mess of light brown hair and green eyes, stood in the doorway talking to someone in the hallway. “Yeah, sure there's room in here,” he said in a thick Scottish accent. He glanced in the room making eye contact with Kaidan. “Oh”, he said, turning back to the hall, “sorry only one more.” 

He stuck his hand out to Kaidan, “Cael Murphy, but no one has called me Cael since birth,” he said. 

Kaidan would have guessed he was probably thirteen or fourteen years old, but something about the way he carried himself, confident, made him seem older.

“Kaidan Alenko,” he said. 

He was about to ask them how long they had been on the station when a third boy entered the room. Dark brown freckles covered his fair skin ranging from pinpoint to large swaths. His hair was an orderly mop of pale blonde strands and his eyes were so bright blue Kaidan was sure they were artificially colored. 

They all turned to him and he blushed. “Sullivan Wood”, he said meekly to the room, “but…uh, people call me Sully.” He stood there sheepishly with a rucksack as large as he was. 

“Alright, Sully it is then,” Murphy concluded. “Alenko was here first so he gets first pick.” He turned to busy himself with his drawers as James began to peel off his uniform. 

“I’ll just take this one,” Kaidan said to no one in particular and placed his bag on the free top bunk above James’s. He searched his bag for his toiletries and headed to the bathroom to clean up. All-day he had a million thoughts going through his head, but right now all he felt was exhausted. 

When he returned to the room he found Sully curled up in his bed in the fetal position and the older boys reading. He hadn’t read a real paperback book in ages. Assuming that they would have extranet access, he hadn’t even thought to bring one. 

Murphy looked up at him. “I’ve got a few if you want one,” he offered. He threw his legs over the bed and went over to his shelves, pulling out spines and flipping through pages.

“Murph is a real sci-fi nerd. Something like this shoulda been heaven for you,” James said as he gestured around the room and chuckled.

“Yeah turns out the reality of it is actually shite.” Murphy turned and handed a book to Kaidan. 

Proof that it had been read multiple times could be seen in the creases of the spine and the soft feel of the pages. Orange hillsides against a black night sky were featured on the cover with the word Dune written vertically. 

“You read it?” He asked, crawling back into his bunk. 

“Can’t say that I have.” Kaidan turned around to face Murphy and held the book up in one hand. “Thanks.”

“It’s only 200 years old,” James sneered. 

“Hey! Age is but a number, my friend, and as I recall you rather enjoyed that one,” Murphy shot back.

Kaidan settled into bed and opened the book, reading the first page: A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are correct. His eyes felt too heavy to read, but as he drifted off to sleep he wasn’t sure his life would ever be balanced again.

Chapter Text

January 2167

Months had passed since arriving on Jump Zero. Naturally, the children began settling into their routine. Their days consisted of going to class, studying, and free time.  His sixteenth birthday had come and gone and the longing he felt when he thought of his family hadn’t faded. 

Children were beginning to show their true colors as friend groups formed and walls came down. There was camaraderie in experiencing something no one else ever had. Despite being an official Alliance military base, the rules were fairly lax and the hierarchy was muddled. Most of the staff were kind except for the occasional grump who felt their posting was some sort of punishment.

Biotic training had been delayed. Unofficially the program was still trying to find someone to teach the biotic class. Seeing as there were no professionally trained human biotics in the Alliance, this proved quite the challenge. Rumor had it that the brass didn’t want to ask the Council for help to avoid being perceived as weak or inexperienced, even though that is precisely what they were. 

The official story was that they wanted to let the students become acclimated to the base before shoving implants into their brains and there was no training without the implants. This was a topic that weighed heavily in the forefront of everyone’s mind, but no one was brave enough to mention it. Instead, they made jokes and busied themselves while they packed the idea of the implants deeper and deeper into their subconscious. 

Kaidan had become rather close to his two roommates, James and Murphy. The three boys spent most of their free time playing basketball in the gym or winding down before bed with a card game. They read vigorously. First all the books Murphy had brought with him and then Lieutenant Haverly had ordered several to be kept in an unofficial library. While they were no comparison to his friends and family back home, he found himself enjoying the time he spent with them nonetheless.

Kaidan had accurately guessed that Murphy was fourteen. He came from a small town in Scotland with twelve brothers and sisters. His family was horrified when they found out he was a biotic and happily shipped him off. At first, the quiet hum of the space station bothered him, but after a while, he seemed content not having to compete for attention for the first time in his life. 

James was a year older than Kaidan and from Nigeria. He spoke very little of home and all Kaidan knew was that his mother had died when he was younger leaving his father and him alone. Now, his father had lost him too, at least temporarily. Kaidan felt that maybe that was a little more than James could handle thinking about too often. 

Their fourth roommate, Sully, was from Los Angeles. As a younger child, he mostly hung out with kids his age. Kaidan learned he was the oldest of three children, but his parents just about lost their minds when they found out he was biotic. His whole life they brought him up thinking anything “artificial” was bad - so the idea that their firstborn had been exposed to something so toxic , broke their hearts. He was quiet and seemed fragile, most of which Kaidan attributed to a sheltered childhood.

There were a total of sixty-two students, though the only time they were all together was in the cafeteria during meals. The four boys sat at an oversized picnic table eating their prepared food out of trays. Overall the food was bland and nothing to write home about, not that they could anyway. They chatted loudly, laughing about nothing in particular when Lieutenant Haverly appeared at the front of the room. 

“Can I have your attention, cadets?” He shouted over the chatter as everyone quieted down. 

“Thank you,” he said once the room was silent. “I have a few very exciting announcements to make.”

The boys exchanged worried glances. One thing they had learned was that the staff’s version of excitement was never the same as theirs. 

“Today we welcome to the base our newest instructor, Commander Vyrnnus.” He motioned eagerly to someone outside of the room. 

A creature Kaidan only recognized as a Turian because of his new alien studies class briskly entered. He was easily one of the tallest beings Kaidan had ever seen with sharp bird-like features displayed over a humanoid skeleton. Where skin would have been on a human was a hard swamp-green carapace. He had narrow and pointed eyes between rigid plating that faded into a flattened nose and a wide, thin upper lip. His face was adorned with white paint markings that Kaidan remembered changed depending on the region a Turian was from. His mandible had winged attachments that flayed off the side of his face and moved with every facial expression. Although, Kaidan wasn’t sure if he was making any recognized human facial expressions. 

A silent gasp swept over the room as he sauntered in. His presence demanded fear. Even Lieutenant Haverly looked more concerned standing next to him. 

Commander Vyrnnus looked around the room and nodded at everyone in silence.

Lieutenant Haverly cleared his throat, “With Commander Vyrnnus on board, we can commence your implant procedures. Starting tomorrow you will be put into pairs and separated into four groups. Group one will have their procedures tomorrow, group two will have theirs the following day, and so on. The recovery time is about three days and you will be required to stay in the hospital with your partner during that time. Please see your partner and group assignments posted on the holoboard outside your dormitories after dinner.”

Kaidan’s anxiety added to the fear in the room like oppressive hot steam. The stillness weighed heavily on all of them, except perhaps, Commander Vyrnnus whose demeanor did not seem to change. 

Lieutenant Haverly looked around with a strained smile on his face, clearly disappointed the student’s responses were not ones of enthusiasm. “Well, good then…as you were.” 

He left the room with Commander Vyrnnus. Kaidan didn’t need to look around to know that no one was hungry anymore. 

_______

Classes had been canceled for the next week while they had their implants fitted. The atmosphere in the study hall where they had little to do but think was dismal. Kaidan was in group three and since they were roommates and came to Jump Zero on the same day, he was paired with Sully. 

Sitting at the table behind him was Hannah, crying. Hannah was the same young girl with strawberry blonde hair that asked about her mom on the first day of orientation. If he thought about it, he couldn’t remember ever seeing her without tears in her eyes. Kaidan felt a pang of sadness. Hannah was the little kid in all of them, just counting the days until this nightmare was over. 

Rahna Arsalan was sitting next to her whispering words of reassurance and stroking her back. He didn’t know her well, but Rahna was the most genuinely nice person he had ever met. She was fifteen, almost the same age as Kaidan, and took it upon herself to comfort all the younger students when they needed it. 

Rahan’s first example of kindness was during their first week on the station. The kitchen had given a vegetarian student a meat dish by accident. Rahna, a vegetarian, insisted that they take hers. She said that she had eaten too much for lunch that day. Instead, all of the students shared their sides to make sure no one left hungry. He truly felt like she brought out the best in everyone. 

Looking at her now, his heart fluttered. She was small but slender; with dark brown hair that cascaded down her back and a little braid that wrapped around the top of her head on the right side. His gaze fell to the soft curve of her spine that ended where her waist tapered out over gentle curves. He barely spoke to her, but sometimes when he couldn’t fall asleep he would imagine her big, almond-shaped, chocolate-brown eyes that always seemed to look a little seductive despite her generally sweet demeanor. Her eyebrows, just a little unkempt, were striking against her cream-colored skin. And while he didn’t think she ever wore make-up her lips always seemed to be just a little more pink and plump than the other girl’s. 

James nudged him, hard, in the ribs. “Hey K, you’re staring again,” he whispered so quietly Kaidan barely heard him. 

Kaidan flushed, turned around immediately, and stared at the book open in front of him. “I was just checking on Hannah,” he lied.

James shot him a smug look, “Oh…okay. Sorry,” he said, not sounding the least bit sorry. “Look mate, you should just talk to her,” he added, raising his eyebrows. 

Kaidan was about to make up a lousy excuse about not knowing what in the world James was talking about when a harsh voice erupted from the room. 

“Look, we get it! You miss your mommy . You don’t want to be here, but some of us are trying to study so can you just shut the fuck up?!” 

Kaidan looked over to see Alex Isaac, a colony kid, hovering over Rahna and Hannah.

Rahna cowered a little, “Alex, she’s just a little kid”. She pulled Hannah close to her. 

“I don’t care! We all had to grow up when we came here,” he shouted. 

Kaidan stiffened. He was not one to get into a fight, but every part of him felt protective over Rahna. He wasn’t the only one because now everyone was glaring at Alex. 

“Hey man, chill out,” Murphy said from the other side of the table. 

Alex ignored him, “Look bitch, take your little -”

Before Kaidan knew what he was doing he was standing over Rahna and Hannah face to face with Alex. Despite Alex being younger, he was much bulkier than Kaidan. There was no doubt in his mind that Alex could and would fully kick his ass. 

He attempted to appeal to his logical side. “Look, Alex, we’re all stressed out, but I don’t think this is helping anyone feel better, including you.”

In one swift motion, Alex lifted him by his shirt and pinned him against the opposite wall. Angry protests from his friends erupted, but Kaidan just glared at him. In a growl so low only Kaidan could hear he said, “Look, we all know you have a little crush on her,” he cocked his head back in Rahna’s direction, “but don’t pretend that you could do anything to stop me.” 

Kaidan, still in Alex’s grasp, was slammed into the wall as James and Murphy barreled into the mountain-sized child. Rahna yelled something in the background. Alex dropped him and turned around to swing at the other boys when one of their instructors barged into the room. 

“What in the world! Seriously?” The instructor shouted. 

The four boys stopped what they were doing, angry and embarrassed. 

“Everyone to their rooms, Now! Free time is over.” She stood in the doorway and ushered them outside making sure they all left. 

Kaidan straightened his clothes. “Thanks,” He mumbled to his friends as they headed back to their room. 

Walking back he felt a gentle tug on his shoulder. “Hey, Kaidan!”

His heart melted. It was nice hearing his name. Everyone here seemed to call him Alenko or K, but it was even nicer hearing it in her voice. He turned around and found himself face to face with Rahna, but the strangest thing happened - he didn’t feel nervous or stumble over his words. Instead, a feeling of calm passed over him as he looked into her deep brown eyes. 

“Hey.” He smiled at her. 

“Thanks for trying to reason with him. He was totally out of line.” She nervously put a piece of hair behind her ear. 

“If anything we need to stick together right now, not tear each other apart,” he replied, ignoring the fluttering in his stomach.

Her eyes sparkled, “My thoughts exactly!” 

She reached out and gently rubbed his arm, a tingling feeling jolted through his body. “Well, good luck with everything. I'm going tomorrow.” She sighed. 

“It’s going to be fine. We have no reason to think otherwise,” he said more assuredly than he felt. 

She beamed at him, “Yeah you’re right. Thanks again, Kaidan.” She gave him a little wave and then took off toward the girl’s dormitory. 

He walked back to his room feeling light-headed and smiling. 

“Ooooo,” his roommates all teased when he entered the room. 

He rolled his eyes, grabbed his book, and got on his bed. “Stop!” But they all laughed, including him.

“Well if these brain implants kill us all at least we can die knowin’ Alenko does have a pair of balls.” Murphy giggled. 

“Shut up!” He swatted at Murphy’s head as the laughter died down and the uncomfortable truth of Murphy’s words hung in the air. They all went back to reading silently. Kaidan just sat there grinning to himself. He couldn’t help but feel like this was the happiest he had been in a long time.

Chapter Text

January 2167

The white walls of the hospital room were so similar to the rest of the station that Kaidan was unphased by an aesthetic one would normally find jarring. What bothered him the most besides the unrelenting fear of the unknown was the hospital gown he was forced to wear. A plain white, thin sheet of cloth hung limp, falling just below his knees. The cold sterile air of the hospital felt sharp against his bare skin and prickling goosebumps spread quickly over his body. He pulled the equally paper-thin bed sheet up to his chest and tried to steady his breathing.

He looked over at Sully sitting in the hospital bed next to him while they waited for their turn to undergo the procedure. He often forgot how young Sully was, but now seeing the purest form of fear written on his face, he could only feel anger about their situation. He wanted to reach over and comfort him, to tell him that everything would be okay, but doing so would be lying. 

Instead, he said, “They said it’s perfectly safe and we have no reason to doubt them.”

Sully’s eyes shifted over to him in acknowledgment, but his body was rigid against the bed. “I don’t think my parents would want this.”

“They signed the paperwork,” Kaidan said more sharply than he meant to. While he missed his family, there were days that he hated them for leaving him here. 

Sully shrunk further into the sheets and they sat in silence for a few minutes until a nurse came in and began shaving a small area of his neck up to the base of his skull. 

Feeling the trepidation in the room the nurse spoke out, “See it’s just a small section of hair missing. That should tell you just how minimally invasive this procedure is.” He smiled kindly at them and then left the room.

It did nothing to ease the boy’s fears. 

Kaidan had run through a million different worst-case scenarios in his head the days leading up to this, but the wait began to erode his sanity. He needed it to be over with. With that thought, Dr. Bilyani came into the room looking excited but exhausted. 

“It’s time! Any questions?” She asked though she left no pause before speaking again.

“Great, this will be nice and quick. You’ll be awake before you know it, but you’ll stay in the hospital for a few days just to be extra safe.” She motioned for someone to come into the room. 

Two nurses entered and began pushing their beds down the hall toward the operating room. 

“Hey, Sully!” Kaidan shouted to the bed in front of him, feeling the need to ease his fears even though his own felt insurmountable.

Sully turned around and peered over the hospital bed. “Yeah?”

“Everything’s going to be okay,” he said as calmly as he could. 

Sully nodded, some color returning to his face, “Okay.”

_______

The sound of machines beeping loudly in the background woke him enough to feel the pain in his skull. It was like someone had taken a jackhammer to it and then left it broken into uneven pieces, the edges rubbing together. He tried to focus his vision, but everything was blurry and pain made it impossible to think. Images of people in medical gear rushing into the room and fussing with the bed next to him swam through his vision.

Sully.

He lay there, eyes fixed on the ceiling, convulsions ripping through his body. Kaidan felt angry and confused, but he didn’t understand why. He tried to speak out, to yell at them. Something was terribly wrong here, but words failed him. A foreign and small noise escaped his mouth. 

One of the medical staff looked at him, “Can someone get him sedated before he wakes up!” She said pointing in his direction. The room seemed in chaos, everyone was moving so quickly and the noises were so loud. 

He felt someone behind him and attempted to swat them away, but his body wasn’t responding to his commands. And then suddenly, calm swept over him and he drifted off to sleep. 

_______

He could feel his eyes sitting in his skull, moving back and forth in their sockets. His eyelids were heavy, begging to be opened, but something was stopping him. Instead, he focused on moving his fingers and felt the bedsheets, starchy and stiff under his grasp. He willed himself to open his eyes and slowly his body obeyed. The room was a blur, the bright light searing like a hot iron into his skull. Deep breaths allowed him to push past the pounding in his ears. A prickle like a thousand tiny needles danced over his skin as his body remembered what appendages belonged to it.  The room was the same one he was in before the procedure, except now a dozen lines attached his body to machines. He grasped desperately at the pads that sat on his forehead and neck, ripping one of them off. The beeping of the machines intensified and he shut his eyes quickly in a feeble attempt to block out the noise.

Someone came into the room, gently scolding him and replacing the monitoring pad on his neck. “Go back to sleep,” she suggested firmly. 

He tried. He was so tired. Didn’t she know, he wanted nothing but sleep. Instead, his stomach boiled with nausea as the light in the room seemed to intensify and his headache now so painful consumed every thought. He vomited off the side of the bed and then curled into the fetal position on his side. It was at this moment that he noticed the boy in the bed next to him was not Sully.

His heart felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. Images of a chaotic hospital room flashed through his mind, but the pain in his skull was too much for him to think about anything for more than a few seconds. He let out a gurgling noise.

“Are you in pain?” The nurse asked. 

He nodded slowly as his body waged a war inside of him. The nurse injected something into his IV line that soothed him. The overwhelming pain receded to a dull throbbing behind his eyes.

“Where is Sully?” he choked out. 

“Shhh, you’re exhausted, just try to sleep.” She rubbed his back. It was the most comforting gesture he had since being on the station and he settled into sleep once more.

_______

A week later the splitting pain in his head was still there intermittently. Dr. Bilyani told him they were migraines, said it was a side-effect of the surgery and that it would go away once he was fully healed. It was one of many lies she and the other medical staff told them. 

Nothing on the station was the same after the placement of their implants. Sully was one of many missing students. The staff had told them that they didn’t recover well from the procedure and went home to be with their families. Technically they weren’t lying, but Kaidan knew those parents never got to see their children alive ever again. He wanted to be angry, but all he felt was tired. 

The atmosphere on the station was worse than when they first arrived and it was hard to remember those few weeks where they had felt some semblance of normal. For the most part, those who recovered were physically back to normal except for the traumatic mental toll. The staff tried to carry on like everything was routine, but it was impossible to ignore the fact that the air on Jump Zero was thick with the near-failure of their experiment. 

Lieutenant Haverly had informed them in cheery tones at dinner one night that they would be starting their biotic training the following day with Commander Vyrnnus. As usual, the students continued to eat in silence. Any fear they once had was replaced by exhaustion which took the form of complacency. 

Kaidan stared down at the table - gunmetal and shiny. He was sure that these tables were new and had been purchased just before they arrived. He wondered how long they sat empty, waiting for the day children would sit at them. He wondered how many of those children were even alive anymore. His nail dug into the surface, disrupting his reflection staring back at him. Sitting across from him, James let out a big sigh and snapped him out of his daze. Kaidan looked up to find his face panicked, eyes darting back and forth around the room.

“Hey man, are you okay?” Kaidan reached out to touch his arm.

James pulled away dramatically, holding his wrist where Kaidan had touched him. “Don’t touch me,” he said, his voice deep and sharp. 

Kaidan pulled back, surprised. “Sorry, I -”, but he couldn’t finish because James stood up and exited the room, slamming his meal tray into the trash as he left. 

Kaidan looked to Murphy for support. His normally bright green eyes were a mossy brown color with dark circles surrounding them. Kaidan knew he wasn’t the only one staying up all night. 

Murphy just shrugged and mumbled something incoherent before putting more food in his mouth. Kaidan didn’t push it, they were all in a bad place. He looked around the room that seemed so much emptier and spotted Rahna sitting by herself. Her hair had been cut shoulder length, he assumed for the procedure. Feeling like talking to Murphy was a dead end, he picked up his plate and sat down next to her. 

She didn’t register his presence and continued to stare at the wall in front of her, her eyes bloodshot and glossy. Her eyelashes were wet and hung close to her skin as if they never got the chance to fully dry before her next episode of crying. He scooted closer to her. 

“Hey,” he said, nudging her gently. 

She startled and turned to look at him, a sad smile dimly illuminated her brown eyes. “Kaidan,” she said quietly in surprise, and then with more liveliness, “I haven’t seen you since…” Her voice trailed off as he watched her mind wander.

“Yeah, we’ve all been a little distracted.” He glanced down at her full meal tray. “Are you eating at all?”

Her eyes welled up and for the first time since the procedure, he felt something. “Hey, hey.” He gently put her hand in his. 

“Hannah’s gone,” she choked out before bursting into tears. 

He hadn’t noticed her absence, but he wasn’t surprised either. It didn’t seem like any of the younger kids were around anymore.

She sat next to him, sobbing quietly, her body heaving. He removed his hand from hers and started to rub her back, but as soon as he touched her she turned and enveloped him in a tight hug. She felt small against him and even though this was the worst experience of his life a warmth washed over him. He hugged her back and a tension in him released. It was something he had been holding onto since he set foot on this base, a feeling that had become so normal to him he didn’t even realize it until he felt light without it. 

At some point, Murphy came down and sat across from them at the table. A few kids he didn’t know that well and even Alex followed suit. They all looked equally sleep-deprived and tired. Rahna slowed her breathing and let go of him. He felt a little emptier once she was gone. She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked around at the group surrounding her. Nothing needed to be said. 

She gave everyone a half-smile, acknowledging their presence. “What are we going to do?” She sniffled.

He smiled at her. “I think we’re supposed to be biotic superheroes or something.” 

“I feel like the opposite of a superhero,” one of the other kids mumbled. 

Then Murphy did something that surprised them all. His eyes glowed blue and a carrot on his plate lit up with dark energy. Without using his hands he tossed it in the air and caught it in his mouth, chewing triumphantly. 

Everyone was silent when he spoke. “Really? With skills like that, I wager we’ll be out saving the galaxy in no time.”

Rahna giggled and then quickly covered her mouth like she had said something awful. 

Maybe it was because they were all delirious from the lack of sleep or maybe it was the absurdity that at that moment they all realized they had biotic power and none of them had used it. Whatever the reason, they all erupted in laughter. The kind of laughter that brought tears to their eyes; laughter that caused Kaidan to double over, gasping to catch his breath. It was the best feeling any of them had felt in a long time and for just one moment they felt like they were normal kids.

Chapter Text

February 2167

“You're supposed to wait until it's cooled to put the frosting on.” Murphy peered over Kaidan’s shoulder.

He was staring down at two tiers of chocolate cake fresh from the oven. It looked surprisingly good considering it had been made by three people who had never baked a cake before. It was a late hour and the large kitchen that prepared meals for all of them was empty. They had gotten permission from the staff to bake a cake for Rahna’s birthday tomorrow. Somehow she never missed anyone’s birthday and Kaidan wanted to do something special for her. 

“Is the frosting even done?” Kaidan asked. They both turned around to look at Alaina.

Kaidan had never met Alaina before Brain Camp, a name they had semi-affectionately given to BAat, but her mother had been in the same accident in Singapore that led to their exposure.

“What? It’s really good.” She shamefully licked the frosting off her fingers. “There’s plenty to spare,” she added, speaking in her native Singaporean Mandarin. His newly implanted translator always had a very slight lag to it. 

She offered them the spoon, smearing it on Murphy’s face as he leaned in to lick it. They giggled quietly. 

“Alright, we’ll finish frosting it in the morning, it’s getting late.” Kaidan rubbed his eyes.

The migraines never went away like Dr. Bilyani said they would. He didn’t get them every day, but he seemed to constantly have a low-grade headache. It was particularly bad any time they had a grueling biotic practice, which seemed to be happening more frequently.

They cleaned up the kitchen and headed quietly back to their rooms. Everyone was asleep as they walked down the hallways. Today had been a particularly brutal practice day, ending late into the night and leaving their classmates utterly exhausted. It said a lot that the three of them were willing to stay up to make tomorrow special. 

The boys quietly tiptoed into the room hoping not to wake James. Ever since the implant procedure he had changed. Never quite himself, he seemed distracted and could barely hold a conversation. They both had done their best to support him, but as the weeks went on he began to isolate himself more and more.

“Shit!” Murphy whispered loudly.

In the darkness of the room, Kaidan watched him trip over something. As his eyes adjusted he began to feel other objects at his feet. 

“What the hell?” He bit his lip and decided to turn the light on. 

What few items they had were thrown all over the room. Books lay splayed open on the ground and their bedsheets, perfectly made when they left earlier, were ripped apart. Extra pairs of maroon uniforms scattered the floor. But the most disturbing part was James. He sat on the bottom bunk bed with his head in his lap, his hands quickly passing over the back of his head and neck. He was mumbling gibberish and made no notice of the boys as they entered the room. 

Kaidan’s brow furrowed. “James?” 

His head shot up, his eyes looking wildly around. “It’s missing…they said it was here…but it's missing…I know it is. It has to be.” He spoke the words so fast that it took Kaidan a second to process what he was saying. 

Murphy and Kaidan exchanged disturbed glances.  

“What’s missing?” Kaidan said gently, slowly walking toward him.

James ignored him. He put his head back down in his lap and continued to run his hands through his hair. 

“We can help you look for it if you just tell us what it is, pal.” Murphy offered.

James mumbled more words they couldn’t understand. 

Kaidan reached out to touch his shoulder and was instantly thrown against the opposite wall. The air in his lungs disappeared and every breath felt compressed as dark energy pinned him. 

“What the fuck!” Murphy prepared his biotic attack against James. 

“Murph, don’t! Just get help,” Kaidan said in between gasping breaths. 

Murphy was too shocked to move. “James, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Murphy! Get help!” Kaidan felt desperate as the weight of the gravity field began crushing his bones. 

Murphy ran out of the room and then it was just James and Kaidan. James stood, engulfed in blue, clearly using all his power to pin Kaidan to the wall. His normal brown eyes were the color of sapphires as they lit with dark energy. Kaidan could see fear in the dilation of his pupils and a mental absence that left him with a cold feeling.  

“James…James, it’s me, Kaidan.” His voice was strained between gasping breaths.

“No, no! I know what you are.” His voice was dark and not his own. 

Murphy ran back into the room with two, fully armored medical staff. They looked ridiculous in the confines of such a small room, barreling toward the young boy in his pajamas. One of them injected a sedative into James’ arm before he could turn on them. Kaidan fell to the ground gasping for air. James crumpled forward and Kaidan crawled over to him as the staff supported his weight. 

His head lolled to the side and he looked at Kaidan, a glossy film covering his eyes. “Kaidan,” he muttered.

“Hey, it’s me.” He reached out and grabbed his hand as they pulled James to his feet. 

“Wait, just give us a second!” He shouted.

Murphy stood horrified against the wall, but Kaidan reached out for his friend one more time. 

“Kaidan.” James’ face crumpled. “They took everything.” He sobbed and the staff dragged him out of the room. 

_______

Still shaken from the night before, Kaidan pushed the negative thoughts out of his mind as he prepared the cake with candles. James still hadn’t returned from the med bay and he was worried he may never. Just when things felt like they were settling down another tragedy happened. 

He picked up the cake and walked toward the door leading to the dining room. As he entered everyone began singing Happy Birthday. The genuine look of surprise on Rahna’s face made him forget everything bad that had happened. At this moment, all he could think about was how her beautiful smile lit up every part of her face. Her happiness was contagious, leaving the room feeling light and airy for a change. 

“...happy birthday to you!” He placed the cake in front of her, his smile matching hers.

She closed her eyes, pausing to make her secret wish, and blew out the candles. He would have traded anything to know what she wished for. When she opened her eyes, they were just barely moist. 

She said thank you to everyone and then looked at him. “You’re the only one who knows chocolate cake is my favorite.” She pushed him playfully. 

His face turned a light pink. “I couldn’t have done it without Murphy and Alaina.”

“Ah, he’s being modest. It was all his idea.” Murphy nudged him and the pink flush turned bright red. 

“Well, thank you, everyone!” Rahna beamed and looked around the room at all of her classmates.

They cut the cake and ate happily, filling the room with laughter and chatting about their favorite birthday traditions back home. 

“My mom makes the best vanilla cake, it just melts in your mouth.” An attractive girl next to Murphy glanced away remembering. 

“I bet it’s not the only thing she has that melts in your mouth,” Murphy muttered loud enough for her to hear. 

“Ew! Murphy!” Within seconds a streak of blue flipped Murphy’s cake straight into his face. Everyone was silent, but Kaidan burst out laughing. 

“You think that's funny, do you?” Murphy glared at him, frosting forming rings around his eyes. Suddenly there was cake streaked across Kaidan’s chest. 

Someone on the other end of the table yelled, “Food fight!” and that was all the encouragement the kids needed to start biotically throwing cake everywhere. It was a moment of joy they were far too deprived of. 

One of their teachers burst into the room with the mess hall staff and everyone began scattering out of the room. Rahna grabbed Kaidan’s arm and pulled him down the hallway. They ran until they couldn’t hear anyone around them and found themselves in a hallway they had never been before, laughing through heavy breathing. An unlabeled door stood at the end of it and Kaidan’s curiosity piqued. He pulled her toward it, but she resisted. 

“Come on!” He pleaded. 

“I don’t know, Kaidan…I don’t think we’re supposed to go in there.” She bit her lip. 

“We’re just going to take a peak. Don’t you want to know what’s in there?” He raised his eyebrows at her. 

“Honestly, in this place? Not really.” She shrugged, but she was already heading toward the door. 

He touched the interface with the palm of his hand and the door cycled open. They stepped inside the room and both gasped. The room looked like a gallery, with a row of seats closest to the door and the masterpiece before them - the galaxy. In place of a ceiling and walls were large glass windows that looked over the midnight black expanse. The floor was the same gray tile that lined the rest of the base except for one section that jutted out in front of the room like a diving board. The lights were off, but starlight lit up the room.

He wandered over to it, Rahna following closely behind. Where the tile stopped, the floor became another glass window so that standing there was like standing in space, engulfed in the shimmer of the stars and floating amongst the colorful nebula. 

She hesitated before putting her foot on the glass. 

“It’s safe. I promise.” He walked onto it first and held his hand out to her. 

She smiled nervously at him, but her eyes were sparkling with the reflection of the nebula's pinks and purples in her irises. She grabbed his hand and stepped onto the platform, a tiny gasp of wonder escaped her. 

“I have an idea,” he said, kneeling on the ground. The platform was just big enough for them to lay side by side. 

He laid on his back. “Come on, it’s really cool,” he said looking up at the stars. 

He felt her settle down next to him, shoulder to shoulder. “What is this place? It’s amazing.”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “They must have built it as an amenity for the research crew before it became BAat.”

An unknown time passed as they lay in comfortable silence, floating in the sea of stars, their fingertips barely touching. 

“Happy birthday,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

She weaved her fingers through his and every inch of his body heated. 

A few moments of silence passed. “I feel…safe when I’m with you.” 

“You are,” he promised.

Chapter Text

May 2168

Biotic training had become the worst part of their day. Sometimes lasting hours into the night, they would trudge back to their dormitories bloodied and exhausted. It seemed like their coursework had become harder as well with the addition of a variety of punishments for not completing assignments on time in the form of withholding food or running laps around the gym until you puked. It meant even more that Rahna and he would miss out on precious hours of sleep to sneak out to the room they found on her birthday. They called it the galaxy room. 

They would spend those evenings talking about everything and nothing at all. Most of the time they avoided talking about their friends who never came back from the med bay or the details of their day-to-day lives. Every time he was alone with her everything else just melted away and for those precious moments, they were just two normal teenagers.

They’re sitting cross-legged in front of each other on the glass floor. The vastness of the galaxy surrounding them somehow makes him feel even closer to her. 

It’s his turn to ask a question. “If you could have any superpower what would it be?”

She smiles wryly and closes her eyes. “Um…I wish I could fly.” Her eyes open, sparkling just like the stars around them. 

His laugh is genuine. “Well, that’s easy.”

She gives him a puzzled look.

“Stay here and face me.” He backs away from her so that she’s sitting alone on the platform. “Do you trust me?” 

Her smile has a hint of nervousness mixed with excitement. “I do.”

Warmth fills him. He focuses and licks his bottom lip. With a gentle motion, he encases her in a mass effect field.

“Kaidan!” she giggles quietly.

“Just wait.”

She slowly lifts off the ground, hovering above him. It’s not an easy task to biotically lift another human, but the look of wonder on her face turned to euphoria makes her light as a feather. He keeps her in the air for a few moments and then gently places her back on the platform. 

She smiles from ear to ear, the whites of her teeth glowing against the galaxy backdrop.  “Okay, it's your turn.”

“I’m sorry, am I boring you Cadet Alenko?” Commander Vyrnnus’s breath was stale and hot against his face as he stood mere centimeters from him. 

Kaidan tried to look through him around the sparse training room. “No, sir.”

Commander Vyrnnus turned away and paced in front of the line of students standing at attention. “You all stand here pretending that you have even an ounce of the discipline required to become a soldier. I hear you all laughing in the hallways or whining about your schoolwork. You don’t have any idea what military life is like.”

Kaidan all but rolled his eyes.

With his back turned to the students Vyrnnus spoke a line he had said on several occasions. “ I was at the helm of the dreadnought that killed your fathers.”

Kaidan and Murphy mimicked him, mouthing each word in silence as he spoke. Someone snickered and Vyrnnus whipped around just in time for Kaidan and Murphy to compose themselves. 

Vyrnnus honed in on Murphy. “Something funny Cadet Murphy?”

“No, sir.”

He turned to Kaidan. “Alenko?”

Kaidan bit the inside of his cheek. “My father wasn’t in the war, sir.”

Another stifled laugh at the end of the row. 

Vyrnnus growled in his face. “We have a new assignment today. Split into groups of two and line up against the back wall facing each other.”

The students shuffled into place obediently. If Turians could look smug, Kaidan thought Vyrnnus was doing just that. 

“You will each take turns throwing your partner as hard as you can into the wall behind them or you can lift them and then slam them into the floor. Your choice.” He was smiling, Kaidan was sure of it.

Vyrnnus continued, “And if you’ve learned anything this last year and a half then some of you will come away today with broken bones.”

Someone let out a fearful gasp. 

Kaidan glanced over at Rahna who had gone pale. Throughout their training there had been several injuries. Learning how to manipulate gravity with your body and mind led to frequent nosebleeds, burst capillaries in and around your eyes, and now and then someone would break their arm trying a new skill. For Kaidan it was a day or two spent in the med bay nursing a migraine; each one seemed worse than the last. However, up until now, they had never practiced on each other. 

“Who would like to demonstrate for us first?” 

Kaidan watched Vyrnnus’ gaze fall onto Rahna. He wasn’t the only one who noticed because Murphy abruptly raised his voice. “I’ll go.”

Kaidan met his gaze, more relieved that he spared Rahna than fearful of the pain that would come next. He nodded in agreement and felt gravity escape him as he lifted into the air. His head buzzed as the mass effect field crackled quietly around him. And then he was falling and the impact of the carpeted floor met his body. Murphy had simply dropped him and the fall wasn’t as bad as he was expecting. He looked up to see Vyrnnus huffing over toward Murphy.

“Is that how you plan on defending yourself against an enemy attack? Is that really all the strength you’ve gained over the last fifteen months?”

Murphy gulped but stood his ground. “Unfortunately, I don’t think I can do better than that, sir.” 

He was lying. Kaidan had witnessed that Murphy was a fairly powerful biotic. 

“That’s too bad,” He sneered.  “Should I try it myself then? Give the class an example…or would you like to try again?” Vyrnnus raised his hand into a mnemonic. 

Murphy stuttered to life. “No, sir…I can do better, sir!”

Vyrnnus gestured for him to continue as Kaidan got to his feet. The whole class watched. 

Murphy looked at him, misery seeped into his furrowed brow and dilated pupils. 

Kaidan braced himself. “It’s okay, Murph.” 

The familiar buzzing of the mass effect field surrounded him and within seconds a padded wall met his body with a force that doubled his vision. His lungs compressed against the weight of gravity leaving them empty and they inflated slowly. The crack of a bone in his left arm sent shockwaves of pain up his neck, settling mercilessly around his implant. Someone screamed, but the room faded out of view as his body slumped to the ground. 

_______

He winced in pain against the ringing in his ears, but a melodic voice let him know it was safe to open his eyes. 

“Kaidan?” Rahna peered over him in the med bay. 

His tongue was like sandpaper as he tried to swallow against the sharp pain in his throat. He groaned quietly. 

“Careful, your shoulder is broken. The nurse said it would take a week to heal.” She gently restrained him as he tried to move around. He hadn’t felt it until the words stirred his body into remembering. Dull pain pulsed against his left shoulder.

“I knew befriending Murphy was a good choice, I’d hate to get on his bad side.” The words felt garbled coming out of his mouth.

Rahna laughed desperately. She put her hand over his. “I’m glad you’re…mostly okay.”

“Did you get hurt?” He glanced her over, but she looked unharmed. 

“No, someone had to take you to the med bay and Murphy insisted I do it. The medical staff caught on once the sixth unconscious student had shown up here. I think they made him shut it down.”  She shook her head angrily.

Kaidan sighed.

Rahna bit her lip. “Look…I can’t say I’m disappointed to have missed that class, but you guys don’t need to protect me so much.”

He gave her a coy smile. “Try not to be so grateful.”

She squeezed his hand. “I’m serious. I can handle myself…I don’t need anyone getting hurt on my behalf.”

A concussive fog wrapped around his mind like a fitted sheet. He wanted to tell her he loved her and that as long as he was standing, nothing bad would ever happen to her. 

Instead, he said, “We’re all just looking out for each other, Rahna.”

She nodded silently in agreement. “I’m gonna go check on the others.”

She stood up to leave, but he pulled her back. “They’ll be distracted enough tonight with a bunch of us in the med bay…I think we can sneak out to the galaxy room.”

She flashed him a devious smile. “I’ll see you there.”

_______

“I brought you this.” Rahna pulled out an Alliance blue wool blanket from her backpack. “So you don’t have to rest your shoulder on the floor.” 

He found that every second he spent not telling her how he felt was starting to drown him slowly, but every time he reached for the words something completely different came out instead. He smiled helplessly at her. 

They positioned themselves in their usual position - side by side on their backs looking up at the stars glistening like bits of jewelry against a black felt backdrop. 

“Do you think all Turians are like Vyrnnus?” She asked.

“Uh…I don’t know. Probably not, they’re probably just like us - jerks and saints. We just got unlucky with him.”

She sighed. “I hope so.” She scooted closer to him. “What do you think you’ll do when we’re done here?”

When he first came to Brain Camp he dreamed about going home every day. He pictured sitting on Lucas’s bed chatting with him on his school breaks, swimming in the bay, spending hours playing video games with Anthony; but the more time he spent here the less time he thought about life outside of this place. 

“I guess go to university? To be honest, I haven’t really thought about it that much.” He furrowed his brow thinking that it had only been a year and a half here, but it felt like a lifetime. “What about you?”

She ignored the question. “What would you study?”

He laughed nervously. “Something with computers or…I don’t know…I’ve really enjoyed our physiology class.” 

“Like a doctor?” She asked excitedly.

The idea seemed a little ridiculous to him. “Maybe? I know I want to help people.”

She squeezed his hand. “I think you’d be a wonderful doctor.”

He squeezed back. “What do you want to do? Do you think you’ll go back to Turkey?”

She shifted uncomfortably. “I come from a very wealthy and well-known family in our town. Appearances are everything to my parents and they weren’t exactly thrilled about me being a biotic. I know we can’t talk to anyone back home, but I’m not sure they’d be reaching out to me even if we could.”

He soothingly rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand.

She sighed. “It’s hard to imagine what my life will be like when I go back, but I want to go to university too…maybe -” She laughed nervously and shook her head.  “Nevermind.”

He turned his head to look at her. “What?”

She didn’t look at him. He could see a light flush color her cheeks and she smiled up at the stars. He watched her tongue lick lightly over her bottom lip, her teeth scraping the moisture back as she gently bit down. In the luminous plasma that illuminated her face, he could see red and orange in the reflection of her eyes and the glistening saliva painted over her lip. His whole body ached to kiss her.

“Tell me.” He nudged her gently.

She whipped her head to look at him, centimeters from his face. “Maybe we could go together.” 

When she smiled he could feel the heat of her mouth pull him in. He barely heard what she said and leaned in, finding the softness of her lips. She pushed her tongue into his mouth, a feeling so foreign and yet instinct followed her movements - eager and awkward, but better than anything he had ever done. She smelled like clean laundry and tasted subtly smokey. He was suddenly aware of how hot his blood was as it pulsed through his body. 

She pulled away first, and a goofy smile lit up her face. He returned a similar grin. 

“I’ve never done that before,” she whispered.

“Me either.”

She blushed. 

He cleared his throat, “What were you saying about following me anywhere?”

She rolled her eyes and shoved him. Searing pain shot through his broken shoulder and down his arm. He grimaced. 

“Oh my god! Kaidan, I’m so sorry!” She gently steadied his arm. 

He leaned in and kissed her again. “Apology accepted.”

Chapter Text

May 2168

“Alright, what’s the deal with you two?” Murphy whispered to him. 

He had just witnessed Kaidan awkwardly hug Rahna goodnight before heading back to their dormitories. 

Kaidan, constantly surprised by how close Murphy and he had gotten over the last few months, waited until they got back into their room and the door was closed. 

“We kissed for the first time last night.” His face flushed. 

Murphy raised his eyebrows, “Just kissed?” 

“Yeah, so?” He began getting ready for bed. 

“I just figured after all this sneaking around you would have done more than that…though I guess I’m not surprised that you haven’t.” He teased. 

Kaidan paused, choosing his words wisely. “Rahna is…special. We’re taking it slow.” 

Murphy lowered his voice. “But have you done… it before?”

Kaidan looked at him sidelong. “I was fifteen when I got here Murphy what do you think?”

Murphy shrugged. “Paul Atreides was fifteen when he lost his virginity,” he said, referring to the main character in their favorite book, Dune.

Kaidan rolled his eyes. “Paul Atreides could also see the future by the time he was fifteen.” 

“Exactly, the guy is an inspiration to us all. If he can do it in the blistering desert while on the run from assassins, you can certainly find a way to do it here.” 

Kaidan shook his head in disbelief. With James gone, Kaidan and Murphy both slept on the bottom bunks.  “Anyway, I was talking to Rahna about our plans once we’re done here…do you ever think about that?” 

“I don’t like to. I’ll have a whole year without most of you. Maybe I’ll just pretend to lose it, like James.”

Kaidan looked across at him. “Nothing is ever off-limits for you, is it?”

Murphy cheesed back at him. “Nope. And you could learn to not take everything so seriously.”

Kaidan prickled with anger. He had never been able to be as cavalier and casual as Lucas or Murphy. He envied their shameless and self-assured personalities. Most of the time Kaidan spent so long choosing the right way to say something he missed the opportunity to talk. 

“You couldn’t be serious for long enough to pull that off.”

Murphy chuckled, “Yeah you’re right.” 

Someone knocked on their door. 

“Come in,” They both shouted, not moving from the comfort of their beds. 

Chuck Shelby, a new student, walked in and the door slid shut behind him. He was a thin thirteen-year-old with jet black hair in what appeared to be a long bowl cut over his head. His wide eyes left Kaidan feeling like he had a look of perpetual shock on his face. He was part of a new batch of students that joined a couple of months back. 

“You guys will never guess what I did.” Shelby removed a datapad from the inside of his jacket. 

Kaidan sat up. They weren’t supposed to have any tech outside of their assigned study halls. “Did you steal that?”

Murphy, also intrigued, motioned for Shelby to sit on his bed. 

Shelby shrugged. “Yeah, it was easy enough. Everyone here is relatively lax on the rules except that asshole Turian.” 

Kaidan vaguely remembered that Shelby was somewhat of a tech genius…or so he told everyone when he first got there. Whether or not that was true was yet to be seen. 

Kaidan grumbled. “There’s a difference between letting things slide and blatantly ignoring things. The staff here likes to pretend that this place doesn’t exist in the real world. It’s easier for them to justify all of the terrible things they’re doing. Overlook a stolen datapad here, kill a seven-year-old boy with experimental brain surgery there.”

“Kaidan,” Murphy said. 

“Sorry, it’s true.” Kaidan adjusted himself so that he was sitting over the side of the bed. 

Shelby’s face became a shade paler, he hadn’t gotten his implant yet. “Anyway, I decrypted the code used to create a block on the communication signal and now you should be able to make calls out.” He grinned wildly. 

Murphy was apathetic. Kaidan was pretty sure Murphy could care less about contacting anyone back home, but all of these new kids were struggling with the separation. He thought back to his first months here and if anyone had been that desperate to contact their family. 

“Have you tried it?” He asked eagerly. 

Shelby looked at both of them. “Not yet, should we do it now?” 

Murphy shrugged and sat back in bed. “I’m good.”

“I’m not even sure what I would say at this point, man. Why don’t you try it out and let us know if it works.” The words were true coming out of Kaidan’s mouth. It was a strange feeling of desire mixed with trepidation. The idea of breaking the rules layered a coat of excitement and anxiety over the whole thing. 

Shelby shrugged and headed out the door. “Alright, I’ll let you know.”

Once he had left Kaidan turned to Murphy. “I can’t even imagine what home is like now.”

Murphy was silent for a few moments and then adjusted himself to get comfortable in bed before he turned his back to Kaidan and faced the wall. He thought he had just gone to sleep. 

Before Kaidan fell asleep he heard him mumble, “I’m not sure I even have a home.”

_______

The following day Shelby let Kaidan and Murphy know over hushed whispers at breakfast that the communication hack had not worked. Something about the signal not being recognizable by the nearest comm buoy, but Kaidan figured he was just full of shit. Their day went on in the normal fashion and they got through their classes as usual dreading their biotics course at the end of the day. 

When they arrived, a new horror awaited them. Shelby was suspended in a biotic field, his arms tied behind his back around a beam in the center of the room. Unfortunately, from experience, Kaidan knew that being suspended in a biotic field for too long left one feeling intense vertigo. It was clear this had happened to Shelby because a pile of vomit lay on the floor at his feet. Kaidan wondered how long he had been there and shuddered at Vyrnnus’s calm and even humorous demeanor as he stood in the corner of the room. The students filed in slowly as they took in the scene, the smell of vomit wafted around them. 

It took a few seconds, but something else dawned on Kaidan - the room was different. Tables that held snacks and water for anyone that needed it during training were missing, white brick-size building blocks lay in a pile on the floor, and the overall temperature was at least ten degrees hotter than what it typically was. Sweat began to form at the nape of his neck. 

Once they were all in the room, Commander Vyrnnus addressed them. “Does anyone want to tell me why Cadet Shelby is here? Does anybody know what he was up to last night?”

The room was so silent that a pin dropping would have rattled the walls. 

“Nobody?” Vyrnnus asked again, raising his voice.

Commander Vyrnnus paced back and forth in front of the line of students. “Clearly, some of you think this whole program is a joke. That our rules are a joke. You think spending millions of credits to bring you here, train you, to make something of you worthless shits…” 

He walked over to Kaidan and got uncomfortably close. “Somehow you think it is all a joke. Isn’t that right, Alenko?” 

Kaidan gulped. “No, sir.”

“What about the rest of you?” He shouted to the room. 

The response was a simultaneous, “No, sir.”

Shelby dropped to the floor, the biotic field gone, but his hands were still anchored around the beam. He breathed heavily, his head hung low. Vyrnnus took out a knife and cut through the restraints. Shelby fell forward in a heap. 

Murphy shot Kaidan a glance that could only be interpreted as, what the fuck?

Vyrnnus disgustedly nudged Shelby forward with his boot. “Get up, Shelby, and go join everyone else.” 

Clearly weak and still nauseated, Shelby stumbled over to the group and tried to stand as straight as he could. His uniform was soaked with sweat. 

“I think today is a good day for a lesson in patience and self-control. The temperature of the room is the average temperature of a training facility on Palaven. I’m tired of how spoiled you humans have been. Today that changes.”

  Vyrnnus lit up the blocks scattered on the ground in dark energy. He began to arrange them into an arch structure - intricate with many curves and indentations. “All of you will use these blocks to build this. Easy enough?”

No one spoke.

He continued, “But if you get a piece wrong we start over. If a piece falls, we start over. If one of you falls, we start over. There will be no speaking. When you’re finished you can have water and food. Does everyone understand the assignment?”

“Yes, sir.” 

“Get started, cadets,” He ordered. 

The room glowed with biotic fields as the students each flared. Sweat was evident on everyone at this point. The assignment was beyond cruel. 

During a normal three-hour practice, one could expect the students to each consume half of an adult human’s caloric intake for a full day. The patience and fine control it took to move a single object and suspend it was immense. For all the complaining and torture, no one could deny that Vyrnnus had trained them well. What took experienced biotics years to master, most of the class could perform in the year. It spoke volumes about the amount of pressure placed on them and the power of their L2 implants. It helped that in their off-time they used their biotics to play practical jokes on each other, but that was for fun and this was abuse. The students with implants moved things about seamlessly while the students that had yet to have their implant procedures strained against their bodies to even make a mass effect field. 

Without being able to communicate, hours had passed as they attempted to build the structure for the seventh time. Two students had already passed out on the floor, while everyone else struggled to push through, painfully aware just how hard it would be for their classmates if they too gave up. 

“This is embarrassing. If you don’t finish this today, expect this assignment to be repeated tomorrow,” Vyrnnus growled as he surveyed the room. 

Kaidan glanced over at Rahna next to him. Her hair was wet and matted to her scalp and her eyes were bloodshot from the strain of her biotics. The weakness he felt in his body mirrored her posture as she began to slump into herself. In front of her was a white block that didn’t seem to fit where she was trying to place it. If she wasn’t so tired, Kaidan knew frustration would have burned in her eyes. Instead, she scrunched her eyes closed and tried to shake the feeling from her head. 

The mass effect field around the block began to weaken. A once bright blue aura began to disappear and the block slipped in the air. 

“You got this, Rahna, we’re almost done,” He muttered quietly. 

She sagged further. “I’m so thirsty, I can’t…”

He looked over at her. “You can.”

Her block fell further and he steadied his block in the air, signing a mnemonic in his other hand to catch hers. Forming two separate mass fields was a skill even he wasn’t aware he could do; his nerves rippled with sharp pain throughout his body. 

“Got it.” He looked over at her, the pain in his face betraying his cool facade.

His struggle must have given her energy because she stood a little straighter and relieved him of her block, balancing it in the air with leveled focus. 

“Nice catch, Alenko,” Vyrnnus drawled from behind him. “Cadet Arsalan, you look very tired.”

Kaidan gave Rahna a quick glance. Her eyes were glossy but held determination. “I’m fine, sir,” she said.

A tall glass of water wrapped in a blue aura danced over. Kaidan had never seen something so appealing before. A thin layer of fog encased the glass as perfectly round droplets tumbled down the sides of the cup. 

Vyrnnus moved over to Rahna’s side and held the water in front of her face. “This glass of water is all yours if you can pull off that little stunt Alenko just did.”

“Rahna, don’t,” Kaidan pleaded. 

“Catch,” Vyrnnus challenged. 

The mass effect field suspending the cup disappeared and it began to fall as normal gravity took over. Out of what he could only imagine was pure instinct, Rahna reached out with her hand to grab the cup before it hit the floor. As she did, an echoing crack filled the silent room, followed by a tumultuous yelp. Kaidan watched helplessly as she cradled her arm, now spurting with blood around an ivory bone sticking out just below her wrist. 

Every cell in his body was filled with rage. It was as if every cruel act, all the pain over the last two years had finally boiled to the surface. The feeling consumed him, numbing his normally busy mind with pure hatred. Blue flames engulfed him as he let out a cry of anger and directed his energy toward Commander Vyrnnus. Vyrnnus flew back into the almost completed block structure. His face was one of surprise before an evil pleasure took over. 

Vyrnnus steadied himself as Kaidan panted heavily, the dark energy field still pulsating strongly throughout his nerves. “Alenko, who knew you had this much skill? But I think it’s time you learned a lesson!” 

Vyrnnus threw out a biotic field toward Kaidan and before he could think, he matched it with his own. Blue energy ignited the room, temporarily blinding anyone that looked directly at the battle. Kaidan, unaware that the whole room was now watching, began to feel his energy waver. 

“Kaidan!” Someone shouted, just barely scratching the recesses of his subconscious. 

He stumbled back, breaking the field. He felt the burning sensation in his nerves and the unquestionable migraine forming in his skull. 

Vyrnnus advanced, whipping out a long, sturdy talon-shaped knife. “Finish what you started, boy!”

The blade sliced so easily across his abdomen that he barely felt the sensation of sharp pain. Blood poured silently down his leg as his anger once again blazed loudly around him. He threw his whole self at Vyrnnus unleashing everything he had at the Turian. Vyrnnus slammed into the back wall and an audible crack filled his ears. The room was silent, his rapid heartbeat was the only noise he could hear. A few seconds passed before he realized his immediate threat was unresponsive. 

“Is he…dead?” Someone screamed from behind him.

Kaidan’s vision focused on the heap of flesh in front of him. Vyrnnus was completely still, his head at a slightly unnatural angle and his eyes staring out into nothing. Blue blood trickled from his mouth and nose. Kaidan’s heartbeat louder and louder; anxiety rushed through him. His world shrank and time slowed as his brain processed the last few minutes. He gripped the knife wound on his side, trying to steady the blood flow. 

Murphy placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Holy shit, K…you killed him.”

“I, I…didn’t -” Kaidan searched around the room before his gaze met Rahna’s. She backed away from him, eyes wide and shaking her head. His heart felt like it was made of iron, his head felt like it was going to explode into a million pieces. He began to fall over before Murphy supported his weight.

“Come on pal, we gotta get you to the med bay.” Murphy moved slowly out the door and Kaidan unconsciously followed, his mind racing with everything that happened. Every time he saw the look Rahna gave him, his heart felt like it might stop. 

An alarm sounded throughout the station, deafening his thoughts as the pain of his wound and his exhaustion tumbled over him. By the time he got to the med bay, his migraine took over every aspect of him. The last thing he remembered was Murphy leaving his hospital room. He had grabbed him before he left.

“Tell her, I’m sorry,” he pleaded. 

Murphy nodded solemnly and left the room. 

_______

A few days following Vyrnnus’s death, Kaidan found himself sitting in an uncomfortable chair across from Lieutenant Haverly. A plain metal desk spanned the space between them. He had been expecting this moment, had honestly thought it would have come sooner, but supposed they were waiting for him to get out of the hospital first. Fear gripped him as he awaited his punishment. 

“Mr. Alenko…due to…” Haverly adjusted his glasses, choosing his words carefully. “...recent events on the station, we have decided you should go home - back to Earth.”

Go to prison on Earth? He wanted to ask, but he remained silent. 

“I know that might come as somewhat of a shock to you, but there is good news.” Haverly gave him that genuine smile. “We have secured a spot for you at The University of British Columbia for the next school year.”

Kaidan was utterly confused. “Sir?”

“I’m sure you know it's one of the more prestigious schools in your area.” Mistaking his confusion he continued, “the name stems from before the second civil war -”

“Sir, am I not being punished?” Kaidan interrupted. 

Haverly laughed; a sound that was mixed with fake casual tones and nervousness. “Ah, I see.” He nodded his head. “Yes, I can see why you would think that. Well, the Alliance and Conatix have reviewed your case, and based on the events that transpired according to you and your classmates, particularly Ms. Arsalan and Mr. Murphy, we have decided to keep everything below the radar.” 

Kaidan was still shocked.

The lieutenant cleared his throat, “We hope that with this peace offering and of course a lengthy non-disclosure agreement that you and your parents will have to sign, we can forget this whole thing ever happened. But you should leave the station. You understand?”

His parents.

The idea of going home filled him with a surprising feeling of dread. He wasn’t ready to leave. What would his parents say? Murphy would be here without him. He still needed to clear things up with Rahna…oh god, Rahna. His heart constricted and his stomach dropped. 

He swallowed heavily. “I understand, sir. Thank you, sir.” 

His mind played over all the scenarios of speaking to her. The guilt he had about killing Vyrnnus rested heavily on him, but he needed to make sure Rahna wasn’t mad at him. 

“Good. Two hours should be plenty of time to gather your things and say your goodbyes.” Haverly smiled at him.

His jaw dropped. “Two hours?”

“Yes, now go on.” The lieutenant stood and ushered an overwhelmed Kaidan out of his office. 

He moved like a zombie down the hallway; trying to calm himself down at the impending changes that were about to turn his world upside down…for a second time. It was more than a few steps before he noticed he had a security escort. 

You have got to be kidding me , he thought.

The fact that he had killed someone hadn’t fully sunk in. It was a lot to wrap his head around, but overall he felt terrible. He wasn’t sleeping, his body was wrecked from the fight and ached with every movement. Before he knew it he found himself standing outside her dorm room. The door was closed even as he placed his palm on the seal to open it. 

“Rahna? It’s me…Kaidan.” He felt like an idiot standing here. “Can we please talk?” 

Any hope that she wasn’t upset with him died immediately. 

“She doesn’t want to talk to you,” A voice that wasn’t hers yelled back.

Kaidan pressed his forehead against the door feeling helpless. 

“Let’s go,” The security guard behind him said. 

“Rahna, please…they’re making me leave. I just need to talk to you.” 

He almost fell forward as the door cycled open. She stood in the doorway looking at him with unfamiliar eyes and a facial expression he had never seen before. The uneasy feeling that had been sitting in him for the last few days took over. Even as sad and upset as she was, she was still so beautiful. He pulled her to a bench in the hallway outside the dorm area, the security guard hanging uncomfortably close. 

He glared at the security guard. “Can you just give us a second?” 

Rahna nodded her approval and they moved a few steps away. Defeated, Kaidan accepted whatever he was given. 

He felt uncharacteristically nervous in her presence. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I was just trying to protect you.”

She scoffed at him, a painfully unfamiliar sound.

“I didn’t mean to kill him, Rahna. You know that right?” He pleaded. 

She sat silently, avoiding his gaze.

His despair turned to incredulity. “Rahna? You know me! You know I would never do something like that on purpose.” 

She furrowed her brow in thought, looked down, and continued to avoid his gaze. He sighed, almost ready to give up, but then she turned to him.

That warmth he was so used to seeing was there hidden behind confusion and sorrow. “That’s the thing Kaidan…I’m not sure that I do know you. The Kaidan I know - I thought I knew would never have even been capable of that.”

It was his turn to be silent. If anyone had asked a few days ago if he was capable of killing Vyrnnus he would have been the first to say no. 

Then, with more fear than he could have ever imagined she’d feel toward him, she said the thing that hurt the most. “Kaidan, you murdered him. You murdered him for me .”

Both of their eyes welled with tears. He rubbed his face self consciously. “I didn’t mean to,” he said meekly. 

Her hand hovered above his and then she pulled away before he could reach out to her. “That’s not the point,” she choked out. 

She stood up hurriedly. “Good luck with everything, Kaidan.”

He watched her walk away. “Rahna, please…,” he shouted, but she never looked back.

Chapter Text

July 2168

He was uncomfortably aware of the irony that leaving Jump Zero was as painful as arriving there almost two years ago. Expecting that being home would be a shock still didn’t prepare him for just how different it felt, how different he felt. In the last month and a half since arriving in Vancouver, he had barely left his room. His parents were spared the specifics of what happened with Vyrnnus. The story as far as they were concerned was that he injured an instructor defending the other students, but the program felt that he would do better at home since he was almost eighteen anyway. He certainly didn’t plan on telling them more than that. It was anxiety-inducing to imagine his mother fretting over him more than she already was. 

Laying on his bed and staring at his ceiling, he was reminded of the days leading up to Brain Camp and how confused he had felt about who he was and where his life was headed. It felt horrible that after everything he had been through he still didn’t know the answers to those questions any better. That night Rahna and he talked about their futures was the first time he had ever felt utterly certain about something and now that life was an unattainable dream. 

He sat up and looked around his room, the same as it was the day he left. He picked up the copy of Dune that sat on his nightstand and thought of Murphy. He was surprised at just how much he missed him. For all those countless days he wished he could be back home, now that he was here he just felt more lost than ever. The feeling that he didn’t belong anywhere plagued him. He couldn’t sleep and when he did his dreams were filled with the resounding crack of Vyrnnus hitting the wall. 

He pulled up his computer, still overwhelmed by being on the extranet after not having access for so long, and ordered a few paperback books - scrambling for some sort of anchor. 

His stomach grumbled. Logically he knew that because of his biotics he consumed more calories than the average seventeen-year-old boy, but now that he was home and not surrounded by other children with the same constant appetite, he felt even more out of place. He walked into the kitchen, passively scanned the interface on the outside of the fridge, and read its contents. 

His mom fluttered into the kitchen. “Honey, are you hungry again?” She moved him aside and began pulling out ingredients. 

Before he left he was taller than her, but now he towered over her having grown quite a bit in the time he was gone. Months of training left him with an athletic frame that he knew he’d be hard-pressed to keep up without a strict workout routine. 

“I can do it, mom,” He argued without much enthusiasm. 

“Nonsense, go watch some vids or play a game and I’ll have something ready for you.”  She smiled at him. 

As he was walking out of the room she spoke again. “Kaidan…”

He turned around. “Yeah?”

“Maybe you should call up Anthony? It might be nice to see a familiar face,” she suggested.

Kaidan had no interest in seeing Anthony. He had no interest in interacting with anyone. How was he supposed to feel normal and enjoy things when his whole world was upside down, and he constantly felt like he was grasping for something to hold onto. No, he didn’t need the stress of rekindling a friendship on top of all that. 

“We’re not friends anymore, we haven’t talked in two years,” he grumbled.

She sighed. “Honey, two years is not that long if you think about the fact that he’s known you your whole life.”

“Don’t you get it? I’m not the same person anymore!” He shouted angrily.

She didn’t get it. No one did, and that was hard enough to get through, but having to defend how he felt was too much. She took a step back, stunned and hurt. He immediately felt guilty, but he was too angry to apologize. 

She went back to making his meal. “I’ll let you know when your food is ready.”

He stomped off into the living room and joined Lucas on the couch. Lucas was home from university for the summer, but the two hadn’t spoken much since he got back. He was grateful that Lucas was giving him space, but it was unlike him to be so distant. Kaidan watched him play a video game he had never seen before. 

Lucas offered him his controller. “You wanna play? There’s a two-player setting.”

Kaidan looked at it but didn’t take it from him. “I’m good watching. Thanks though.”

Lucas shoved the controller at him. “Come on. It’s fun.”

Too tired to fight him, he picked up the controller and listened to his brother’s instructions. They played for a few hours, and Kaidan was happy to take his mind off recent events. He briefly felt like things could be normal again which was more hope than had he felt in a while. 

When they were finished, Lucas looked at him with apprehension. His hair was longer than Kaidan remembered. Lucas’s light brown eyes found his and Kaidan couldn’t help but think he looked much older than he expected him to. 

“Look, K…I’m not even going to pretend to know what you’re going through. None of us are. The last two years have been hard without you here. Hard on all of us, but especially on mom. I mean not being able to talk to you almost destroyed her.”

Kaidan felt a pang of guilt but sat quietly. 

“I just want you to know that I’m here if you want to talk about anything. I might not understand it but I’ll try. Okay, little brother?” Lucas gave him a weak smile. 

A warmth washed over him, but he couldn’t begin to even think about explaining everything to anyone that wasn’t there. 

He nodded his appreciation. “Thanks, Lucas.” 

Lucas changed his tone to a lighter one. “And if you just want to play video games every day until we both leave for university, I’m fine with that too.” 

He patted Kaidan’s knee before getting up. “Just cut her some slack. She’s been through a lot, and she’s trying her best.”

Kaidan held his head in his hands and rubbed his face. “I know- I know she is. I just…need more time.”

He didn’t need to lift his head to know that Lucas was silently nodding. When he finally did the room was empty, and he slumped into the couch feeling lonelier than ever. 

_______

A few weeks later, Kaidan stood on the deck overlooking the bay. The sound of water lapping against the side of the shore and the salty air had soothed him into a relaxed trance. He knew eventually time would allow him to move on from the events on Jump Zero, but so far it hadn’t helped him at all. There were still days that he felt entirely hopeless. Those days he never left the confines of his bedroom.

At the sound of footsteps behind him he turned to look as his father placed a beer on the thick wood railing he was leaning against. He could probably count on one hand the number of conversations he had with his father since being home, but he wasn’t complaining. The two of them never had the kind of relationship that warranted lengthy conversations or late-night heart-to-hearts. Even though Kaidan had taken up an almost unhealthy physical routine, something his father always wanted, he still kept his distance. It didn’t need to be said that his mother blamed his father for everything that happened and although Kaidan knew the truth - that he would have ended up there eventually. He found he still harbored some resentment as well. 

“Nice day,” his father said. He held his beer and gestured for Kaidan to take the one next to him. 

Kaidan raised the beer before taking a sip. “Thanks.”

They stood in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before his father spoke. “I know you’re going through a lot, Kaidan.”

Kaidan bristled. “Skip the pleasantries would you? Neither one of us needs to pretend we have a close relationship. So say what you want to say and leave me alone, please.”

If he was insulted by the blatant disrespect he didn’t show it. “I was going to say that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. But maybe I should add that displacing your anger on other people is a sign of weakness.”

Kaidan barked a cruel laugh and took a sip of his beer. He hopelessly wished his father would leave. 

“I know we don’t know the details of what happened, but you should be grateful that you learned such an important lesson.” He turned to leave.

Kaidan turned around. “And what’s that, dad?” 

His father shrugged. “Even the right choices have consequences.”

And that’s when it hit him. Among the thousands of reasons he was upset, there was one that stood out more than the others. He hated himself for what he did because he still felt like it was the right thing to do and what did that make him? His intentions were good. He knew that deep down, and even though Rahna couldn’t see it that way, he didn’t have to measure himself to her standards. 

He spoke in a less angry tone. “Well, that doesn’t make me feel any better.”

His father took the spot next to him. “It wasn’t supposed to, but it’s a good lesson for the next time you’re in that position. Remember that there are consequences for every action, good or bad, but that doesn’t mean you should sit back and do nothing.”

Kaidan looked at his father, internalizing his words. 

“I’m not going to stand here and placate you. I won’t pretend we have a good relationship when we don’t and I won’t tell you that your life will get easier because it probably won’t.”

Kaidan shifted uncomfortably. “Dad, this isn’t making me -” 

“Just listen, Kaidan. You’ve already been through more challenges than people experience their whole lives, but you’re here and you’re doing your best. I’m damned proud of that.”

He paused and Kaidan held his gaze. He couldn’t remember the last time his father had said that to him. 

“Life gave you this...gift and now you have the tools to use it. I know that means your life is going to be anything but ordinary. There will be more challenges ahead of you, but remember this lesson and that you acted with integrity. Maybe you didn’t do it the exact way you wanted, but experiences like these will help you figure out how to be the kind of man you can be proud of. Just know, you’re on the right path.” He reached out and patted Kaidan on the back before heading inside.

Surprised by their interaction Kaidan stood there swimming in his thoughts. The air turned cool as the evening settled in and he headed back inside, leaving some of that burden he’d been carrying around behind.

Chapter Text

2173

“Kaidan, are you even listening to me?” 

He wasn’t. 

He wasn’t sure what he was thinking about as he stared at the condensation on the water glass in front of him. The water droplets quickly slid down the side of the glass and then gradually slowed momentum as they dripped to the bottom and joined the rest of their counterparts in the fluid ring surrounding the cup.

“I just got distracted, sorry...what were you saying?” He adjusted himself in his seat at the kitchen counter and turned his focus to look at Adam’s emerald green eyes.

When they first met, in a study hall on campus, his eyes were the first thing Kaidan noticed about him. They reminded him of the sea glass that used to form on the beach in his parent’s backyard; sharp bottle shards smoothed over time by the rhythmic movements of the ocean. That day, he was immediately smitten. 

Adam stood on the opposite side of the counter and laughed. “Seriously? You’re kidding, right? This is exactly what I’m talking about.”

Kaidan looked around Adam’s apartment incredulously. It was quite homey with modern furniture and various plants scattered throughout the rooms. They hadn’t discussed moving in together, but Adam had set up a glass showcase for all of Kaidan’s old collectible model ships because he didn’t have room in his apartment. Despite Adam wanting him to feel at home whenever he was there, Kaidan always felt like he was walking into someone else’s life. 

“Adam, I didn’t hear you. I’m sorry,” he said genuinely. This was something important; Adam rarely got angry. 

“I was saying that you're never home and when you are here it’s like you’re not really here. You’re always distracted,” he gestured at him vaguely, “case and point.”

“You knew I’d be gone for long periods when I joined the Alliance. I’m sorry I haven’t had much shore leave, but I’m here now.” He reached his hand across the space to grab Adam’s. 

When Kaidan decided eight months ago to join the Alliance it was a huge decision for both of them. Kaidan had spent the first two years of university in a daze, not knowing what he wanted to do with his life and struggling with the ghosts of his past. School was a good distraction that kept him busy and mostly out of trouble but for a long time, he couldn’t move past what had happened.

It wasn’t until he had a reunion with an old friend, Cael Murphy, that he even considered joining the Alliance. He had spent so much time in his head reliving all the horrors of Brain Camp that he had forgotten the good parts too. Seeing Murphy was a reminder of that, and something in him changed. After watching endless and depressing news vids regarding the dangers of L2 biotics, he decided he wanted - no needed, to do something good with his. 

Adam was a civil engineer and worked a typical nine-to-five job. When Kaidan decided to join the Alliance it was a shock, but he enthusiastically supported him. The reality of dating a marine seemed to be settling in now as he pulled his hand away from Kaidan’s. 

Kaidan frowned and began to say something, but Adam spoke as he paced back and forth running his hands through his neatly-styled brown hair. “I’m not making this decision lightly, but I think we should spend some time apart.”

He wasn’t as upset as he thought he should be. He had only been in the Alliance for eight months, but he already felt a shift in his life that Adam didn’t fit into.

Kaidan rubbed his face in his hands. “Let’s just call it what it is - we’re breaking up.” 

Adam stopped pacing. “Yeah...I guess we are.”

_______

Kaidan eagerly changed into his BDUs before exiting the ship. They had docked at a port in the Terminus System to refuel. His CO was feeling particularly charitable and allowed the marines to take the night off. As if the fates had aligned, Murphy happened to be on a cruiser docked at the same port. The two had been part of the same mission to gather intel on Blue Suns activity on the border of the Terminus. The Alliance believed that the gang’s role in smuggling the drug, red sand, was to blame for an uptick in addicts within Alliance space. 

So far it had been a dead end. 

The port was not Alliance controlled, but given the remote area they were in - fuel was fuel. This made it even more surprising that their COs were willing to let the crew out for the evening. 

Kaidan found Murphy at the bar of a dingy casino within walking distance from the spaceport. The room was dark and smelled strongly of bad cologne mixed with body odor. Electronic music played loudly over the speakers which occasionally cut out. He took the seat next to Murphy, partially regretting his choice to be here, and ordered the most normal-sounding beer on the menu. 

Murphy smiled at him as he sat down. “It’s been too long, pal.” He clinked his beer against Kaidan’s. 

Kaidan didn’t believe in fate or religion, but finding Murphy at a random bar in Vancouver so many years ago was something he would always be grateful for. Murphy knew and understood Kaidan in a way no one else did which automatically made him Kaidan’s closest friend, even if they didn’t always see eye to eye. 

“I feel like it’s been just long enough,” Kaidan teased. 

Even though they shared an apartment on Earth, they barely saw each other. Reliable and stable biotics were rare in the Alliance and so being deployed together was almost unheard of. In the years they were apart Murphy had grown in height and muscle. His once light brown hair had darkened and was shaved to Alliance regulation.

“Anything exciting happen since we last spoke? How’s what’s-his-name?” His Scottish accent had lessened in intensity over the years. As far as Kaidan knew, he hadn’t been back home since he left for BAat. 

Kaidan rolled his eyes. “You know his name is Adam...and he broke up with me a month ago.” 

“That’s too bad. I wasn’t there for your break-up with Rahna, but I can’t imagine it was pretty.”

Kaidan glared at him. “This is obviously different. Back then I was -”

“In love?” Murphy offered. 

“I was going to say, I was just a kid, but sure.” He shrugged and took a sip of his beer. 

The two of them had an unspoken agreement to speak about BAat as little as possible but Murphy seemed to love bringing Rahna up. Neither of them had spoken to her since they left Jump Zero and Kaidan never asked him what she was like after the incident. He wasn’t sure what was worse - the thought of her being sad without him or the thought that she was just fine. He selfishly assumed it was the latter, but refrained from finding out. 

Murphy sipped lightly on his whiskey. “Well, I’m glad you’re not too torn up about it. I say it’s a good thing, you need something’ more...casual anyway.”

Kaidan sighed and ordered a stronger drink. “You know, I’m not really the casual kind of guy, but it’s starting to sound more and more appealing.”

Murphy’s face lit up. “You know what we should do?”

Kaidan automatically shook his head in disagreement. “Whatever it is, it’s a no from me. I’ve learned the hard way that that face does not have good intentions.”

Murphy laughed. “Come on! You need some fun in your life, ya bawbag. Live a little. I’ve got five thousand credits and I’m feeling quite lucky.” 

They both scanned the room. There were the typical blackjack and poker tables scattered around. Slot machines lined the back wall and quasar machines were intermittently dispersed on the floor. The alien gambling game was becoming more popular throughout Alliance space. Smoke created a haziness in the room, but Kaidan noticed no one was smoking. 

He hadn’t had nearly enough alcohol to make gambling sound appealing, but he hated being called boring. 

He polished off his whiskey and ordered another. “Fine. But you’re not spending more than five thousand credits. Even getting close to that is kind of insane.”

Murphy moved toward a blackjack table. “Like I said, feelin’ lucky.”

________

He wasn’t wrong. They spent a few hours at that blackjack table losing occasionally but mostly winning. At some point, an Asari waitress dressed in minimal clothing placed a fancy bottle of whiskey in front of them and began to pour it into two individual glasses.

“The woman at the bar gifted this to you,” she drawled. 

Kaidan and Murphy looked up to find a woman in an elegant maroon dress sitting at the bar. She winked at them and turned back to her drink.

Kaidan turned to the waitress, convinced there was a misunderstanding. “Oh, we-”

Murphy interrupted. “Are so grateful! Please extend our sincerest gratitude to the woman.” 

The Asari waitress simply turned to go. 

Murphy took a big gulp of the whiskey. It took more alcohol to get a biotic drunk with how high their metabolism was, but the two of them had steadily put away more than a few bottles of whiskey at this point. 

Murphy shook his head. “You gonna turn down free booze? What’s the matter with you?”

Kaidan eyed the bottle suspiciously. “Murph, this bottle has to be two thousand credits alone...it’s a little strange don’t you think?”

“Just drink it and be grateful.” Murphy lifted his glass.

The warm buzz in his head made the continued argument futile. Kaidan resigned to enjoying the whiskey and sipped it delicately. It was delightfully light in his mouth and by the time they were finished with it the room was a little off balance. 

“Well, I spent five, but I made eight,” Murphy slurred. 

Kaidan eagerly slapped him on the back. “Well done. I didn’t believe in you, but you did it.”

He was about to suggest they leave while they were still lucky when two security guards showed up at the table. “Gentlemen, we’re going to have to ask you to come with us.”

Kaidan turned quickly to look at them and almost fell out of his chair. “What? Why?”

“Please come with us,” they repeated. 

Murphy stood up with defiance. “We were just leaving’.”

“Look, we can do this the civil way or we can do this the hard way, up to you.” The guards produced two batons. 

Kaidan swallowed, sobering a little. He weighed the option of fighting them versus following them. They had to report back for duty in a few hours; the last thing he needed was to be arrested. “Murphy, just listen to them. We didn’t do anything. I'm sure it’s just a misunderstanding.”

The guard reached for Murphy and he swung him off. “Whatever.”

They were led to a darkened hallway at the back of the casino. The sound of the music faded into the background the farther they walked from the main room and the cologne odor became overwhelming. They reached a door at the end of the hallway painted the same black as the walls. The security guard knocked a rhythmic knock and the door opened. 

They stumbled into a room with terrible fluorescent lighting. Crates filled with unknown contents were stacked up against the walls. A long rectangular table sat in the middle of the room. A square mirror with lines of red sand sat on the table's surface. Adjacent to that were larger piles of red sand, a cut-up neon blue plastic straw, and a gram scale. 

Eight aliens sat at the crowded table, Kaidan recognized them as Vorcha. They had humanoid muscular bodies with amphibious-like heads and thick, taut, craterous skin. Their faces were angled back in such a way that pulled at their mouths, thinning their lips and revealing a full set of razor-sharp fangs and a long pointy chin. The Vorcha were heavily armed, but something about the situation was funny to Kaidan and he had to stifle back laughter. 

“You buy weapons!” One of them shouted in a scratchy, yet shrill voice. 

“Excuse me?” Murphy fumed. 

No one spoke.

Murphy crossed his arms. “Look, you interrupted a perfectly good night of gambling and whiskey so there better be a good reason for this.” 

“You drink whiskey, you buy weapons!” A different one shouted in the same voice.

Kaidan remembered the strange woman and expensive bottle of whiskey. “Is this about the bottle of whiskey that was gifted to us?”

“Not gift! Code!” 

Kaidan shamefully thought that all the Vorcha looked the same. His amusement was beginning to fade as he realized their minimal grasp of language would make this encounter harder than it needed to be.

“Who even are ya?” Murphy asked.

“Mafia!” They shouted in unison.

That was it. Kaidan lost it and went into a fit of giggles. He looked at Murphy. “I didn’t know the Vorcha had a mafia.”

Murphy smiled at Kaidan and shrugged. “Me either.”

If he remembered correctly, the Vorcha were clan-based, but not known for their intelligence. They usually aligned themselves with other mercenary gangs. As far as he was concerned there was no known Vorcha-only gang, at least not one the Alliance considered a threat. 

“You no laugh! Not funny! Buy weapons or die!”

Kaidan threw up his hands mockingly. “Woah, woah, woah. This is simply a misunderstanding. We didn’t think drinking the whiskey implied we would buy weapons; we thought it was a gift.”

The Vorcha were all standing now. “Two men agree to buy weapons! Say they meet here and drink whiskey! Say they be in Alliance uniforms!”

“Well, you got the wrong guys.” Murphy shrugged. “I’m sure there is a way we can work this out.”

One of the Vorcha removed a shotgun from the holster on his back. “You buy weapons or die now!”

Kaidan, initially thinking this was a humorous situation, was tempered by the realization that they had checked their weapons at the door of the casino. Casinos, even dingy ones like this, had communication jammers in the walls that made using an omni-tool obsolete. He knew that if they were sober, eight Vorcha would likely be no problem for Murphy and him, but drunk biotics used double the amount of energy. Reasoning with the Vorcha didn’t seem like an option. He eyed a back door on the opposite side of the room. 

He glanced at Murphy and gave him a wordless confirmation. They both flared. Kaidan let out a throw attack that pinned two of them to the wall while Murphy lifted and knocked another two across the room. The Vorcha scrambled in surprise and gunfire echoed off the walls. Kaidan and Murphy lit up in blue barriers and dove behind crates for cover. 

Kaidan was already exhausted. The alcohol severely debilitated his strength. Murphy panted in equally and pushed the top off one of the smaller crates next to them, revealing blocks of condensed red sand. 

“I had a suspicion.” Murphy smirked at him and pulled one out. 

Kaidan leaned out of cover and tried to throw one of the other Vorcha, but weak amounts of dark energy only pushed him slightly. He glanced warily at Murphy who was about to rip open a bag of red sand.

Admittedly, he wasn’t unfamiliar with red sand. In his darker college days following Brain Camp, it was a popular way to pass the time. For a non-biotic user, red sand temporarily gave the ability of telekinesis. For a few minutes, a non-biotic could feel what it was like to be biotic; something Kaidan had spent a large portion of his life running away from. As a biotic, snorting red sand not only enhanced your abilities by refueling your eezo stores, it filled you with an overwhelming euphoria that was nothing short of addictive. He knew Murphy had more than dabbled in the drug as well, but it had been years since either of them had done it. 

“I don’t want to,” Kaidan growled through gritted teeth. 

“If you have a better idea, I’m all ears.” Murphy scooped up a small amount onto his finger and waited for Kaidan. 

“Fine.”

“Happy to oblige.” Murphy grinned and snorted the substance.

Kaidan cringed and followed suit. 

The rest of the battle was a blur of dark energy and noise. The sounds faded as the drug wore off and an impending migraine set in. He sat at the table, exhausted and rubbing his forehead. The bodies of the eight Vorcha and two human security guards littered the ground.

“We have to call Captain Sloane,” Kaidan groaned. 

Murphy stumbled to the back of the room. “There’s a back door over here. Let’s get out of here.”

“Why is it that whenever I hang out with you, I end up with a migraine?” Kaidan clamped his eyes shut as they stumbled out of the casino. 

“Can’t we just go back and go to sleep?” Murphy whined. 

Kaidan choked back vomit. “No.”

He opened up his omni-tool and forced his eyes to focus on the bouncing numbers on the holoscreen. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but the Captain was almost certainly asleep.

“This better be important, Private Alenko,” Sloane said over the comm.

Kaidan tried to sound as normal as possible. “Yes, sir. I think we may have...stumbled into a red sand shipment center. There are contacts and evidence on some of the datapads inside. Unfortunately, there were casualties.”

“Shit. Send me your nav point, we’ll be there shortly.”

“Yes, sir.” He gulped and sent over his nav point before vomiting in the street. 

_________

Kaidan lay in his bunk in the fetal position. In between bursts of pain, he wondered just how tight of a ball he could curl into as his head ached relentlessly. 

“Alenko, the Captain wants to see you.” 

He didn’t lift his head to check who informed him but heard their footsteps recede as they left the room. He mustered up the energy to make his way to the communications room. He had already debriefed the Captain and left out as much incriminating information as possible. Even though they pretended to be grateful for their skills, biotics were still the ugly stepchild of the Alliance. 

He stood at attention as he entered the room, forcing his eyes open and his posture to be perfect. 

“At ease, Marine.” Sloane gestured for him to sit down. “Thank you for seeing me Private. I know your condition at the moment is...fragile.”

Kaidan flinched and swallowed back his anger. Normally, he liked Captain Sloane. He had served with worse leaders and Sloane was fairly laid back. 

“I just wanted to say, good work. We got a lot of intel from the information in that room. Looks like the ‘Vorcha Mafia’ is an unsuccessful rogue faction of the Blood Pack gang. Luckily they were stupid enough to leave all their contacts in those datapads. It’s a good start to get this red sand problem under control.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“I don’t know what happened in there and I don’t need to. You and Private Murphy got the job done and it was more than we could have hoped for out here.”

“Thank you, sir,” He repeated. 

“That’s all.”

Kaidan got up to leave the room when Sloane called out. “Alenko!”

Kaidan turned to look at him, still standing straight. 

The Captain’s demeanor had changed to insouciant. “Just how drunk were you two?”

Kaidan smiled. “Just drunk enough, sir.”

Sloane chuckled. “Dismissed.”

Chapter Text

2179

Dark crimson blood poured steadily from the bullet wound in front of him. He knew from his combat medic training that this type of blood flow was dangerous. It wasn’t the dramatic spurts he had imagined before his medical training, but a relentlessly calm stream that would make a marine bleed out in minutes. Anxiety rolled through his body for a few seconds before he steadied his mind by recalling human anatomy. 

Kaidan was a laid-back guy with a calm personality, but he was the definition of an overthinker. Even he had questioned his decision to become a combat medic. The job required a decisive mind that was quick to come up with solutions and someone creative enough to think on their feet. One of the number one things he learned in training was how to use the environment to his advantage. You couldn’t ever be sure where you would have to save a life, but if you were imaginative enough, just about anything could be used as a tourniquet. 

No, Kaidan liked to take his time making decisions and he hated being wrong. Things he might say or do tended to haunt him for days after. So it was surprising to him when he found that being on the battlefield was different. When it came to helping others a sense of calm seemed to wash over him…after he spent a few seconds being scared shitless. There was nothing more rewarding than helping a fellow marine and like most things, he found medicine to be fascinating. 

The bullet lay uncomfortably close to the region of the femoral artery, but he knew from the flow this wasn’t arterial blood. He expertly packed the wound with medi-gel and waited a few moments to make sure the blood wouldn’t seep past his first-line treatment. Satisfied with his handiwork he made eye contact with his squadmate. 

Corporal Tari, a soldier to the core was eggshell white. Kaidan assumed he had lost quite a bit of blood before he arrived to help. Corporal Tari was also one of the most anti-biotic marines Kaidan had ever worked with so by request, and happy to oblige, Kaidan had been keeping a good distance away from him. He must have been deliriously anemic enough to accept Kaidan’s help. 

“You’ll be okay, but you need to stay still,” Kaidan said.

“Fuck that. I’m the best shot this group has.” Tari moved to get up and immediately collapsed in agony. 

“See, it’s that kind of cocky behavior that got you into this mess, Corporal. From here it doesn’t look like you have much choice,” Commander Osman shouted over the comms. 

Kaidan wasn’t entirely sure of her service history, but he knew the position of Commander was relatively new to her. He hadn’t worked with her for very long, but she was a good leader, and given the circumstances, she had gotten them much farther than any of them anticipated. 

He glanced behind him and saw her leaning over from behind a stack of metal crates. He’d recognize her anywhere as her Amazonian frame wasn’t exactly inconspicuous.  

“You’ll stay put. I already said, no one is dying on this mission.” She leaned out and shot a mercenary they thought was dead. 

“Yes ma’am,” Tari grumbled. 

Kaidan began placing a temporary seal over Tari’s armor when the marine pushed him away. “I can do it myself, Alenko.”

Kaidan ignored the insubordination and moved over to his other squadmate. Private Harris was a young marine with minimal experience in a firefight like this. Hell, they all were to some degree except for the Commander. The mission they were on was highly unusual and perhaps entirely suicidal. The culmination of events that had gotten them to this point was serendipitous. 

Their crew of seven marines was on a supply run through the traverse when one of the ship’s engines had malfunctioned on the way back to Arcturus. Seven marines for a supply run was already out of the ordinary, but since the Battle of Torfan, the Alliance was overstocking their ships with marines for simple missions. They docked for repairs at a non-Alliance spaceport where the engineering team had said fixing the malfunction would be faster than having an entirely new ship sent out for them. 

They were docked for twenty fours hours before continuing back home. Within six hours of being in space, three of the marines became extremely sick. Something about a dare to eat a dextro-amino-acid meal. Kaidan had rolled his eyes at the stupidity. Learning that aliens such as the Quarians and the Turians have dextro-protein DNA and thus need separate amino-acid requirements was something they learned in Basic. As the only medical professional on the ship, he told them they would spend a few days with bad flu-like symptoms but would otherwise be fine. 

This left four marines, including himself when Alliance Command called in. A source had tipped them in that a man named Dr. Dexter Leechman was hiding out on the moon, Kopis. He was an extremely dangerous man that the Alliance had been after for over a decade and this was the first tip on his location in years. Their ship happened to be the closest one and although they were not a group trained for small strike force missions…when duty calls. The mission was to distract Leechman at any cost until reinforcements could arrive. At this point, Kaidan knew any cost likely meant their own lives. 

Private Harris was trembling and breathing heavily when Kaidan moved over to him. “You doing okay Private?”

Harris’ pupils were so large Kaidan could barely see the brown in his irises. “I think so, sir.”

“Good, we’re almost there.” Kaidan gave him a reassuring pat on his armored shoulder.

He spoke into his comm. “Negative contacts, Commander. How would you like to proceed?” 

“I’ll move over to you, Seargent. I need to see that map again.” She shuffled still crouched to the empty spot beside him as he pulled up the holographic map emitting from his omni-tool. 

The compound they were in was well-armed not only by the highly trained mercenaries they had just defeated but in technology as well. Kaidan was quite pleased that he was able to hack their security and obtain a blueprint of the building. Doing so had been vital to their survival. Surprisingly, the building had only one entrance so from the beginning they knew if they could make it past the defenses, Leechman would have nowhere to go. 

When he joined the Alliance, Kaidan decided to focus his efforts on being a combat medic, but technology came so easily to him that he was often the most advanced technician on a squad. He figured there was no reason he couldn’t do both. 

The map before them showed the three rooms they had already cleared to get to where they were now. It had been a brutal and all too close battle that had spanned half the day. They were all exhausted, but Kaidan felt particularly worn out - he hadn’t pushed his biotics like this in a long time. The rest of their journey consisted of a long hallway that lead to a back storage room where they assumed Leechman would be. The only thing they would have to worry about was a smaller room that branched off the hallway just before reaching the room in the back. 

“Alright, we’ll move up and Alenko and I will search this room while Harris stands guard outside. I don’t want that slippery bastard getting past us after all this. Once that’s cleared, we move to the back.”

“Then you kill that bastard!” Tari growled. 

“No. We’re to keep him alive. His intel could be vital to the Alliance. Alive, you got that?” She looked between Kaidan and Harris.

“Aye, aye ma’am,” they said in unison.

“Let’s move,” she ordered.

Except for Tari, they all shuffled quietly out of the room and into the hallway. After checking his omni-tool for heat signatures Kaidan motioned that the immediate vicinity was clear and they advanced. The hallway was long and dark. The only light illuminating the room was from the built-in flashlights on their guns. Kaidan could make out the plain steel walls that surrounded them but nothing else. According to his omni-tool, the room to the right of them was coming up. Kaidan motioned to Osman who whispered to Harris to stand guard behind a set of crates. 

The two of them moved into the room slowly, but it was empty. The room they were in was living quarters for the mercenaries. Metal bunk beds lined one side of the room and Kaidan was reminded of his room on Jump Zero. He instantly felt claustrophobic. He turned to look at Osman who nodded in agreement that the room was clear. He moved out as quickly as possible. Kaidan realized he hadn’t been in a lab since he left BAat and the eerie chill ruffled him. He ached to be back on a ship and done with this mission that seemed to be getting more precarious by the minute. 

The group moved toward the back room and Kaidan immediately got to work on the door’s security interface. He had downloaded the access codes during his first hack of the building so he knew it would only be seconds before the doors opened. He heard the whooshing noise of the panels separate and burst through. In a split second, he took stock of his surroundings - four mercenaries and one scientist with what he thought might be a pre-second civil war era machine gun. He was distracted by trying to remember the name…AR-15? The explosive sound of Leechman emptying his magazine at them filled his ears. He switched the noise-canceling feature of his helmet on in an attempt to avoid the inevitable migraine. His kinetic shield crackled as it repelled a bullet and he snapped back into the present. 

Ducking behind a lab bench he flared and signed his lift mnemonic at the two mercenaries closing in on him. The absence of gravity lifted the men into the air as they flailed trying to right themselves. He shouted at Harris who took one out while Osman took the other. The other two mercenaries were dead within minutes and Leechman was out of ammo. Osman moved from behind cover with her hands up. Kaidan turned off the noise canceling and the sounds of the room flooded his senses. 

“You have nowhere to go Leechman. Make this easy and no one else has to get hurt,” Osman offered. 

The three marines came out of cover. Harris nearly tripped over the body of a dead mercenary. Kaidan, unwilling to let go of his pistol, tightened his grip on it the second he made contact with Leechman’s eyes. It was a look he recognized - one of pure insanity. It was the same look James had given him the night he pinned him to the wall. A sort of desperate look that made Kaidan sure nothing they said would change this man’s mind. 

Leechman laughed a shrill and cackling laugh. He ran his tongue over his teeth aggressively as if he was sucking out bits of food. Everything about this situation made Kaidan angry. He knew he could have this guy in a second. A shot to the kneecap or removing his sense of gravity - a million ways to bring this guy down, but he refrained. He refrained even though he knew this man wouldn’t willingly walk out of here with them because he hoped Osman had a plan. 

Leechman’s eyes darted around as if to distract them, but Kaidan didn’t miss the slight flick of his wrist as a corked glass bottle containing slime-green fluid slipped from the inside of his sleeve into his hand. Kaidan’s eyes glowed blue as he lit up his barrier, but he didn’t have time to shout a warning before Leechman threw the bottle down on the floor and the room exploded. 

A dense force pushed him into the wall behind him and he gulped in air as the room filled with a cloud of green-black smoke. Trying to blink through the black spots in his vision and grateful for a sealed suit he scrambled around to find his squadmates. He grabbed Harris who was a few inches from him frantically trying to cover his shattered helmet.

“Harris! Keep your eyes closed! Hold your breath!” He shouted through his comm, but the marine continued to gasp desperately for air. 

Kaidan typed furiously into his omni-tool knowing that time was of the essence. Every breath Harris took in was killing him. He waved it over his helmet and the glass began to seal. Harris, eyes clamped shut, continued to wheeze. 

“Harris! I’m going to flush your suit with oxygen. Keep breathing.” 

He grabbed Harris’s omni-tool and entered the command to empty more than half of his oxygen into his suit. Harris grabbed his hand and squeezed. 

“You’re going to be okay, Private,” he said reassuringly. 

Harris’s breathing, while still labored, settled to a steady rhythm. Convinced he was out of immediate danger Kaidan moved to find his CO. Kaidan squinted through the chemical smoke that lingered in the room in a thin fog. He spotted Osman under a pile of broken furniture, not moving. 

He switched over to a private comm channel. “Commander! Can you hear me?” 

She didn’t respond, but her armor’s life support system was still functioning. On his HUD he could see her blood pressure rising. As he got closer he could see a heavy metal cabinet weighing on her diaphragm. 

“Hold on, I’ll get you out of there.” 

He made a quick assessment, looking for blood but saw none. He knew if she had any sort of penetrating wound that lifting this could make her bleed out, but if he did nothing she would suffocate. Using the rest of his energy stores the cabinet glowed blue as he slowly pushed it off of her. Her stomach was covered in blood, but she wasn’t actively bleeding. He moved over to assess the damage. A thin metal rod penetrated her abdomen and loops of dark-burgundy bowel spilled through the large gap in her now melted armor. A scan with the medical interface of his omni-tool told him the metal rod hadn’t penetrated any vital organs, but without interference, she would quickly lose blood flow to her intestines. The scan also revealed that she had broken one of her legs and five bones in her left hand. 

He watched her blood pressure, initially high from adrenaline, steadily drop. He ran through different scenarios in his head. He needed to keep her intestines moist and close as much of the wound as he could, at least temporarily. She would need intravenous fluids to increase her blood pressure. He pulled out the memory of a medical kit hooked to the wall in the sleeping quarters. He rushed out of the room past Harris who was staring down into his lap, numbed from exhaustion. 

“What the hell happened in there?” Tari asked through the comm channel. 

“Leechman set off some sort of chemical bomb. He’s dead. Harris and Osman are badly injured,” Kaidan reported.

“And how is that you managed to come out unscathed?” Tari sneered.

Kaidan was fairly certain that it was his biotic barrier that kept him safe, but he wasn’t about to admit that to Tari. 

“Guess I got, lucky. Sit tight, I need to stabilize Osman, and then we’ll come up with a plan to get the hell out of here. In the meantime, see if you can contact the ship.”

“Already tried, sir. Communications out of this building are still blocked.”

Something in the security system was interfering with sending any communication out of the building. Kaidan suspected it had to do with whatever top-secret crap was happening here. Mercenaries weren’t known for their discretion. He could likely hack through it if he had enough time. 

“I’ll work on it,” he said through gritted teeth. 

“You do that. I’ll just wait,” Tari said sounding bored. 

Kaidan reached the medical kit suspended to the wall and emptied its contents - bandages, antiseptic, antibiotics, pain medication, a bag of intravenous fluids, fluid lines, a retractable splint, suture, and five canisters of medi-gel. 

He headed back into the room and knelt in front of Harris who was sitting next to the door. “You hanging in there?” 

The cracks in his helmet made it difficult to see his face, but even through the broken surface, he could see the void in Harris’ bloodshot eyes. Harris nodded slowly. 

“We’re almost out of here,” he said, aware he was only repeating the same placations. 

When he got back to Osman she began to stir. He gently restrained her, afraid that any movement might cause the pole to lacerate a vessel or organ. 

She stared up at him. “I feel like shit. How bad is it?”

He didn’t want to lie and he felt like she could handle it. “It’s pretty bad. There’s a rod penetrating your abdomen, but from what I can tell it hasn’t hit anything too important. Stay still though, this might hurt. I’m going to give you some good pain meds.” 

She nodded and relaxed. If she was afraid, she didn’t show it. He adjusted her omni-tool to start dosing narcotics at regular intervals.

With some differences between armor classes, most Alliance armors were engineered the same. Suits were a general size that when pieced together and synced to your life support system pressurized to fit the individual's body sort of like a vacuum-sealed bag. Under normal circumstances that pressurized system could keep a marine from bleeding out, but given the gaping hole in Osman’s suit, her armor was only getting in his way. He fiddled with her omni-tool and turned off her armor locking system before undoing the clasps that would remove the arm pieces. 

With a wipe of anti-septic and using his hand as a tourniquet, he inserted a needle into the vein in her arm and began bolusing fluids into her system. He watched, pleased, as her blood pressure began to rise. Before tending to her abdominal wound he injected her with a dose of antibiotics. 

Next, he bent and peeled away the charred and weakened armor surrounding the wound and ripped through her undershirt. With medium pressure, he sprayed the area with fluid from the intravenous fluid bag and did his best to pack her intestines back into her abdomen. With soaked gauze as a protective layer, he decided to close the wound as much as he could around the rod to keep everything in place. 

Osman didn’t stir until he was finished. “You saving my life, Alenko?”

“That’s the plan, ma’am.” He smiled at her. 

Two hours had passed and the fog in the room had cleared. He checked the atmospheric readings and headed over to Harris who was almost out of oxygen. 

“Harris, you should be able to take your helmet off now. The air is clear.” 

Harris nodded silently and removed his helmet. He cringed as he pulled it over his head and Kaidan could see the extent of the damage. Ulcers formed around his mouth where the chemical had burned into his skin. Puffy and swollen tissue made it difficult for Kaidan to see his eyes.

“Shit,” Kaidan whispered.

Harris took in labored, shallow breaths as he administered pain medications through his omni-tool interface. 

Kaidan handed him a syringe of antibiotics. “Here.”

Harris took the syringe and hooked it up to the dispenser in his armor. 

“Can you see?” Kaidan asked.

“Everything is a bit blurry, but for the most part, yes,” Harris replied in between breaths. 

“Good. Make sure to drink some water.”

“Sir, how are we going to get out of here? I can barely breathe…I don’t think I can walk out,” Harris asked meekly.

“Doesn’t seem like anyone can. The Commander’s armor is shot. This planet is hot, but she should be able to be exposed for a few minutes while we get her in the mako…but two of us need to carry her flat,” Kaidan said thinking out loud. “We might need to make two trips.”

Kaidan removed his helmet and rubbed his hands through his hair. They had all been awake for almost two days straight. His head was starting to sear with pain and he allowed himself a mild pain medication - he needed to be able to think straight. 

“Sir, I think someone is here,” Tari reported through the comm channel. 

Kaidan took a deep breath and hoped they were Alliance reinforcements. Something good needed to happen and Osman wouldn’t live much longer without more advanced medical attention. 

“Stay down, I’ll head over there,” Kadian replied. 

Before he could get very far Tari spoke again, “It’s backup sir, Alliance forces. I’m sending them your way.”

Four marines arrived within minutes and quickly surveyed the room. A taller man with a red stripe down his left arm stepped forward. Every marine knew that red stripe meant the designation N7 - an elite group of spec ops marines.

 “Major Tellen. Report,” he said.

“Sergeant Kaidan Alenko, sir. The target used a chemical explosive to kill himself about three hours ago -”

Major Tellen stomped his foot on the ground and shouted, “Shit!”

Kaidan stood perfectly still. “Sir, my commanding officer and the rest of my squad are badly injured. They need immediate medical attention.”

Major Tellen swallowed his anger and glanced at the injured marines in the room. “Right. Shepard, Addison get Commander Osman back to the shuttle. Hernandez see what data files you can get from whatever technology is left in this place.”

“Aye, aye, sir.” They all said in unison. 

Kaidan glanced at the marines headed over to Osman. The taller one immediately removed her helmet and red wisps of unruly hair fell over her face. 

“Shepard! Why is it that at any opportunity, you need to take your damn helmet off?” Major Tellen scowled. 

“The atmosphere readings are normal, sir. Besides Sergeant…” she paused and glanced over at him.

“Alenko,” Kaidan filled in. 

She smiled briefly. Her eyes were a shocking light blue that looked almost white against her skin. He recognized her immediately as the soldier that survived Akuze. Two years ago forty-nine marines were slaughtered by thresher maws on a routine mission. Until that day no one even knew that the giant, acid-spitting worms even existed. Luckily, Kaidan had never come across one, but Emilia Shepard was the only marine to survive. 

“Sergeant Alenko, thank you, is doing just fine,” she said defiantly. Kaidan couldn’t hear it but was sure the marine next to her giggled. 

Major Tellen grumbled loudly. “Just do your damn job.”

“With pleasure, sir,” Shepard replied. 

He held back his amusement as the Major’s attention focused on him. “I’ll need a complete and written report from both you and your CO, but give me some information now.”

Kaidan went through the details of the last two days with efficiency as the other marines helped move his squadmates out of the building. By the end of it, they were the only two left and the impending migraine began to work its way into his head. 

The Major let out a big sigh. “The brass is going to wonder if the outcome would have been different had they had sent a more experienced group in here.”

Kaidan clenched his fists behind his back. They didn’t ask to be tasked with this mission and they did a damn good job considering. He remained silent. 

“My personal opinion is that it would have been the same. I think you went above and beyond here given the circumstances and it sounds like you saved the lives of your entire crew.”

“Thank you, sir.” 

The major studied him. “You have future plans, marine?”

Kaidan wasn’t sure what he meant. “I’m hoping to become an officer, sir, if that’s what you mean.”

The major folded his arms and nodded. “Sounds like you have a lot of talent, don’t sell yourself short, Alenko. Think big. You have a bright future ahead of you. Let’s move out.”

Kaidan followed him out of the building, more exhausted than he had ever been, but finally feeling like he found the place he belonged.