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It was hard to watch this. Not being able to jump in and help. There was Marc sitting on the floor of Steven’s flat, well their flat. Disheveled form head to toe. His shirt untucked and in need of a bad ironing. His pants were dirty and stained. Shoes haphazardly tied, unusual since Marc made sure his appearance was confident and Pristine. The things he wore close enough to his body to not easily be grabbed, but not to constrict him in a fight. Sometimes on bad days he would re-tie his shoes over and over again until they were perfect. Second guessing his muscle memory from all of his training.
Marc had been going through the motions of brushing his fingers through his hair, rubbing his fingers against his scalp or tapping all his fingers against his thumbs twice. Even though Steven was stuck in the glass of Not-Gus’s tank, he could feel in the air the anxiety washing over Marc in waves, and the fuzziness that comes with their dissociations. Feeling like you were walking through a haze, either too deep in your body or floating above it.
The thing is, Marc had been like this for nearly an hour, sitting on the floor dealing with this. But Steven didn’t even know where to start on helping, Marc was the one helping him get through these anxiety attacks. Comforting him and making sure he came out okay in the end. His mind keeps pushing him to comfort and to protect. Another thing that was unusual. He had to do something.
“Hey Marc? You, their buddy?” His voice came out a little squeaky and not as comforting as he wished. Flinching at the noise before he persisted. “I know it might be hard for you to hear me right now, but can you do something small for me?” He looked intently, seeing any sign of his alter even paying attention or listening to him. Deep breaths Steven. A nod came from the body.
“Good, I'm glad. Can you turn to look at me sweetheart? I want to see your face” Evening out more he rubbed his fingers against the shirt he was wearing, feeling the texture to calm him.
Slowly he watched as Marc scooted closer to the fish tank. Moving his legs down a little and lifting his head. He had to nearly stop himself from gasping. Marc looked at him, eyes moving in and out of focus, breathing heavily, redness around his nose and eyelids. He looked so tired and worn out. Steven wanted to scoop him up in a hug and made sure to never let go.
“There’s that handsome mug of yours. Now, I know it might be hard for you to talk, so take as much time as you need too. But can you tell me what's wrong… Or show me?” Marc had shown him how to share memories with each other, to fill in blanks in moments of need. Another nod was given, and he closed his eyes.
Darkness came first. Then came everything else. It was hard to see anything in the memory, Marc's eyes moving too quickly over everything in sight. He could tell that the body was hurt, a stab wound maybe. They weren’t in the suit and the pounding loud voice of Khonsu wasn’t present. The feeling of his stomach being squeezed and twisted made him feel sick. Aching pains in his hands, shooting up into his forearms. A headache hitting him like a truck. Words danced around his vision causing the nausea to just become even worse.
Pushing forward he opened his eyes and gave a deep breath. Looking over he saw Marc once again curled up and shaking horribly. Okay maybe a bad idea to make him relive what he went through.
“I need you to unfurl yourself again Marc, you need to breath. By scrunching up like that it’s putting pressure against your chest and causing you to not breath properly.” Worrying his hands over his shirt. He needed him to unscrunch himself otherwise soon he was going to pass out. No movement but the heavy breathing from the other. “C’mon lovie, you can do it”
Once again, slowly but surely Marc moved. Sitting cross legged, sniffling hard and brushing his curls back before falling back in front of his eyes.
“Good, you’re doing so good for me. Can you do something else? I want you to take five deep breaths with me, can you do that?” A beat, before…
“Y-yes”
Marc looked up with his red rimmed eyes, tears falling down his cheeks. Watching Steven in the fish tank they went through the motions together. Marc shivered and hiccuping into cries during some moments.
Breath in through your nose. Hold for five seconds and then breath out through your mouth.
Steven had gotten them to do seven of these. Keeping his eyes fluttering over the body. Watching his movements carefully. He watched as their shoulders dropped, tension flowing out as they breathed. Tiredness slips into the cracks of Marc’s form effortlessly.
“Hey sweetheart, are you feeling a little bit better? You did so well breathing for me. I’m so proud of you.” All of the love that he could put into his words he did. Them having been dripped in honey and toffee.
“Y-yeah,, I I don’t know what uh caused that.” The feeling of tense neck muscles being rubbed against with a rough hand.
“It’s completely okay, don’t worry about it. I'm just glad you're back here with me” Pushing through the haze of their mind, Steven eased into the control of their right hand. Marc willingly giving up the control.
He brought it up to their cheek. Rubbing his calloused thumb against caramel skin. Brushing over their cheekbones and the corner of their lips. Surprise filled Steven as Marc leaned into the touch and the feeling, nuzzling into the hand that was so familiar and yet so different.
“I’m here for you. Always will be lovie. Now let's get you to bed”