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Chapter Text

It was the beginning of winter, when he ran into Lan Zhan in the city. They had actually gone to high school together, but Wei Ying was surprised Lan Zhan bothered to talk to him tonight. After all, Wei Ying no longer looked like the kind of someone who would have attended a private prep school in the richest part of New York City. Not in his ratty sweatshirt and jeans and his hair thrown messily into a ponytail, while he still smelled like grease from his earlier shift at the diner. 

No, he and Lan Zhan didn’t have a lot in common these days. Not like when Wei Ying lived with the Jiangs and came from their money.

Lan Zhan still lived that life, though. He probably lived in a nice loft in the Upper East Side in a building with a doorman or something. At the very least, he dressed in designer clothing and drove a fancy car. One with heated leather seats. This, Wei Ying knew, because he was currently sitting in said leather seats in said fancy car as Lan Zhan drove him towards his shitty one bedroom apartment in the Bronx that he shared with three other people.

He had been surprised to see Lan Zhan wandering around the Bronx tonight. It did not seem like Lan Zhan’s neck of the woods. He was even more surprised when Lan Zhan offered to buy him dinner and drive him home so that he didn’t have to walk to the subway in this bitter cold. Even if he was just Lan Zhan's charity case for the night, Wei Ying was not one to turn down a free meal. Not when his minimum wage job was trying to support multiple people at home and they usually lived off of cans of vegetables that they heated up and called stew. 

It had been a nice chance to catch up. They’d been friends once, after all. They had a rough start to that friendship, with Wei Ying being a constant trouble maker and Lan Zhan being allergic to fun and also the nephew of the school’s headmaster. But they’d somehow formed a friendship over the years. Or at least, they had come to an understanding where Wei Ying could force his presence onto Lan Zhan and Lan Zhan allowed it and stopped trying to get him expelled for it. Wei Ying could swear he’d even made Lan Zhan smile a couple times, which was a pretty big feat. Wei Ying considered this to be as close as you could get to friendship with someone like Lan Zhan.

That was years ago, though. A lot had changed since then. 

Still, Lan Zhan apparently didn't come to lecture Wei Ying, which Wei Ying worried about for a moment. After all, what else would he be doing here, asking Wei Ying to dinner, if not to try and convince Wei Ying to change his life. That's what everyone else from his old world did on the rare occasions he saw or spoke to them. 

But instead, Lan Zhan had simply talked about his teaching job at a music school and asked Wei Ying how he had been. It was nice. Wei Ying had not realized how much he had missed Lan Zhan. 

“This is it,” Wei Ying said, pointing to the apartment building on the corner. He glanced over at Lan Zhan. “Do you, uh, want to come in?” 

He had not expected Lan Zhan to say yes, but to his surprise, Lan Zhan pulled his car into a parking spot. Great. Now he was going to see exactly how poor Wei Ying really was. Wei Ying thought about warning Lan Zhan that a car this nice parked out in the open in this neighborhood was basically asking to get stolen, but he kept his mouth shut. He didn't feel the need to advertise any further just how poor he really was.

Resigned to his fate, Wei Ying grabbed the leftovers from the restaurant Lan Zhan had taken him to. He’d  purposefully only eaten half his meal despite how amazing it was and how hungry he had been, and Lan Zhan had looked at him funny for it, but said nothing about it. He got out of the car, led Lan Zhan up the three flights of stairs (because of course they were too poor for a building with an elevator) and unlocked his apartment door. 

As soon as the door opened and they got inside, they were greeted by Yuan running up to them and then suddenly attaching himself to Lan Zhan’s leg. 

“Yuan,” Wei Ying chided. Then he looked at Lan Zhan, who was looking at Yuan with a confused frown. “Sorry, we’re still working on stranger danger.” 

“Who is this?” Lan Zhan asked. 

“Oh, this is my son!” Wei Ying said with a smile. 

The expression that passed over Lan Zhan’s face was so hilarious, Wei Ying wished his hands were not full of leftovers so that he could take a picture. Wei Ying burst out laughing. 

“This is Wen Yuan,” he said in amusement as he put the leftovers down on the kitchen counter. “He’s Wen Qing and Wen Ning’s cousin. They have custody of him. Speaking of,” Wei Ying looked around the tiny apartment and then down at Yuan, who was still pulling at Lan Zhan's pant leg and looking up at him with wide eyes. “Yuan, where’s auntie Qing and uncle Ning?” 

Yuan shrugged. “Be back in a minute, be good,” he mumbled, probably repeating whatever they had told him. 

Wei Ying reached down to try and pry him off of Lan Zhan’s leg, but he refused to let go. “Yuan, come on, you have to let go of Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying begged. “I brought you food!” 

Yuan ignored him and continued to look up at Lan Zhan with wide curious eyes. Then Lan Zhan did something Wei Ying was not expecting. He bent over and picked Yuan up. Wei Ying would not have taken him to be the kind of person that could tolerate young kids, but he looked like a natural with Yuan in his arms. 

“Do you want some food?” Lan Zhan asked him softly. Yuan nodded, seemingly fascinated with Lan Zhan and soaking up his attention. 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes. “Traitor,” he mumbled to Yuan as he began to unpack the leftovers and put them into a bowl for Yuan. 

Yuan insisted on sitting on Lan Zhan’s lap as he ate, and Lan Zhan let him. 

“Lan Zhan, don’t spoil him!” Wei Ying complained. “He’s going to get food all over your nice clothes.” 

“I don’t mind,” Lan Zhan said quietly. He looked fond, and Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but smirk. Who knew Lan Zhan was a big old softie for children. 

Wen Qing and Wen Ning walked in soon after. 

“Hey!” Wei Ying greeted them. “Look who I found!” 

Wen Ning smiled politely at Lan Zhan, but Wen Qing stiffened slightly. Wei Ying couldn’t blame her. They had all gone to the same high school, after all, and the Wen siblings had not exactly been treated kindly, in the end. 

There was a lot of drama around the Wen family in Wei Ying’s senior year. It started with the death of Wei Ying's adoptive parents, Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu, in what originally appeared to be a random tragic mugging. Then, 6 months later, in a sudden turn of events that sent shockwaves through the city, Wen Ruohan was arrested when it was discovered that the incident was not an accident after all, but a hired hit. It had left the community reeling, trying to figure out why he had done it. 

Wei Ying, of course, knew why. The Wen fortune was drug money. They built their fortune on a life of illegal dealings. Wei Ying had, unfortunately, accidentally gotten himself wrapped up in some of those dealings and had pissed off Wen Ruohan’s son, Wen Chao. The Jiang family murder was a message for Wei Ying. 

So Wei Ying, naturally, had responded by beating the shit out of Wen Chao and putting him in the hospital with severe injuries.

In the course of the drug and murder investigations, Wen Chao was eventually sent to prison alongside his father. Meanwhile, Wei Ying was arrested for felony assault, bailed out by his brother, pled to a lesser charge, and ended up with a year of probation. But with the charge on his record, he was kicked out of the prep school and he never bothered to enroll in public school, which meant he never finished high school.

Wen Qing had already graduated several years ago, but Wen Ning had also been expelled from the school, simply due to his family name and association. Not that it mattered, he wouldn’t have been able to afford private school with their family in prison. The only reason the Wen siblings avoided any legal consequences themselves is because they'd been offered a deal to testify against the rest of their family. Their testimony had been crucial to getting the life sentences for Wen Ruohan and Wen Chao. 

What really shocked the community, though, was what Wei Ying did next. He took his third of the Jiang inheritance and paid for Wen Qing’s tuition so she could stay in medical school. It had pissed everybody off, including Wen Qing. But especially Jiang Cheng, who kicked him out shortly after. 

Nobody could understand it. The boy the Jiangs had taken into their home, giving the family fortune to the family that had killed them. But Wei Ying didn’t see it that way. These Wens were not the same. The way Wei Ying saw it was, he had caused this series of events. He had ruined Wen Qing and Wen Ning’s lives. And they had saved his life once, but that was another story for another time. Still, he was simply paying them a debt he owed. 

But he could understand why Wen Qing was not happy to see someone from their high school days sitting in their apartment now.  It was not a world any of them were usually eager to be a part of again. 

“Hello, Wen Qing, Wen Ning,” Lan Zhan said politely. 

“Yuan, it’s time for your bath,” Wen Qing said curtly, ignoring Lan Zhan entirely. 

Yuan obediently hopped off of Lan Zhan’s lap, Lan Zhan catching his mostly-empty bowl of food to keep it from spilling, and headed to the bathroom. Wen Qing followed. Wen Ning went to quietly sit on the bunk bed in the living room. 

“So, this is home,” Wei Ying said with an overly bright smile, trying to move past the tense moment. “Let me give you a tour!” 

The tour was very short, as they lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment that could probably fit into Lan Zhan’s kitchen. The Wens slept in the living room, Wei Ying had the bedroom. It was currently a disaster in there. He had not expected Lan Zhan of all people to be dropping by for a visit. If he had, he might have tidied up.

“It’s nice,” Lan Zhan said politely, once Wei Ying had finished showing him their humble and somewhat messy abode.

Wei Ying knew he couldn’t possibly mean it, but it was kind of him to say anyway. 

"I should be going," Lan Zhan said. "Thank you for dinner."

Wei Ying laughed. "Lan Zhan, you paid for dinner. I should be thanking you." 

"Mn. Thank you for your company," Lan Zhan said instead, ever the gentleman.

"Yeah, any time," Wei Ying answered awkwardly, suddenly feeling slightly flushed for some reason. "Bye Lan Zhan."

Once he was gone from the apartment, Wei Ying headed to his room, but was interrupted on the way.

"We're going to need to talk if you're going to start bringing your boyfriend over," Wen Qing griped. "It's a very small apartment."

Wei Ying frowned. "He's not my boyfriend."

What a ridiculous accusation. Lan Zhan didn't even like boys. Or anyone. In all the years Wei Ying had known him, Lan Zhan had never expressed the slightest interest in dating anyone. Except for the one time he maybe seemed kind of interested in Mian Mian. At least, he seemed jealous when he heard the rumor that Wei Ying had a thing with her. Wei Ying had teased him about it but Lan Zhan refused to admit he had a crush on her.

"What does he want then?" Wen Qing asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," Wei Ying muttered. 

Wen Qing looked at him skeptically.

"Seriously! We just ran into each other and were catching up."

"Hm," Wen Qing hummed. "Sure."

"Where were you tonight?" Wei Ying tried to change the subject.

"Well, while you were galavanting around with your not-boyfriend, I was begging the landlord to give us an extension on rent," Wen Qing said with an exhausted expression on her face. 

"And you took Wen Ning?" Wei Ying ignored the jab. 

Wen Qing shrugged. "He gives good puppy dog eyes."

Wei Ying laughed. "That he does. Did it work?"

"No," Wen Qing muttered. "Due tomorrow, and we're still $400 short."

"I got great tips tonight," Wei Ying lied. "I'm sure that by tomorrow I can make the rest."

Wen Qing eyed him with a frown, but said nothing. She just walked past him to carry Yuan to bed. Wei Ying knew she hated that he was paying so much of their bills on top of her tuition. But she didn't make a lot of money as a medical school intern, and Wen Ning didn't work because he wouldn't be able to make enough to cover the cost of daycare. So Wei Ying had to make up the difference. At least they were past the point of arguing about it. 

Once in his room, he pulled out his phone. He scrolled through his contacts until he found one that said, "The Tiger" and sent a text. 

Need to make some extra cash by tomorrow. What do you have? 

He waited a few minutes for the response. 

Yin. Meet me tonight.

So Wei Ying yanked his greasy work shirt off and threw on another top, changed into some black jeans, grabbed his coat, and headed out again. Wen Qing said nothing as he walked past them. She was used to his late night excursions, though she thought he was just going out and getting drunk and hooking up with people. If she knew what he was actually doing, she’d have some pretty harsh words about it. Especially given the history of how Wei Ying’s life turned out this way in the first place.

Still, they had to make rent somehow.

Chapter Text

Yin was the hottest designer drug on the market. The Tiger had invented it himself. Wei Ying had been reluctant to start selling it, because it was pretty intense, but it was what everyone wanted and now they knew him as the guy to get it from. 

The Tiger never liked to deal his own supply. That’s what he had Wei Ying for. It’s how Wei Ying had gotten on the Wens' bad side back in high school. Wen Chao was pissed that The Tiger, and Wei Ying by association, were stealing all of their clients with their hot new designer drug.

Wei Ying had gotten dumb. He had gotten cocky. He should have just stuck with selling at the nightclub scene instead of responding to their threats by doing exactly what he was told not to do: encroaching on Wen territory and selling to their high-profile, wealthy clientele. Lesson fucking learned. 

Tonight, after meeting with The Tiger to pick up the supply, he stood out in the freezing cold outside of a few nightclubs and made the exchanges. The deal was that he kept 10% of what he sold, but this stuff sold so well that it did not take him long to make the $400 he needed for rent and then some. 

The extra paid for his own stash of drugs. He didn’t often fuck with Yin himself. That shit was expensive, and intense. He usually just needed something to drown out the constant chaos in his head. Some benzos or painkillers usually did the trick. But occasionally, he would treat himself. Tonight, for some reason, he was itching for it. So he bought himself one of the little black pills.

Yeah, okay, so maybe he was lying to Wen Qing and Wen Ning. They thought he was clean, and that he was making all of his money legally these days. But they didn’t need to know the details. 

He didn’t get back in until almost 2am, and he felt frozen solid. He tiptoed past everyone in the living room, took a hot shower to warm up, and then popped his dose of yin and went to his room to draw. Yin was such an interesting high, Wei Ying knew why the stuff sold so well. It was part hallucinogenic, but not like anything else Wei Ying had ever tried. It almost completely emptied your thoughts from your mind, leaving you to simply exist and relax and feel. Colors were brighter, lines were sharper, music was more intense, the world moved and shifted around you, and you just floated in it. Time didn't exist. A moment felt like an hour and an hour felt like a moment. These occasions, where he could ride out a high with his sketchbook and some music in his headphones and nothing to think about, were incredible. 

The next morning was never fun, though. His alarm blared too loudly and too early. His head felt heavy from a yin comedown. He had no desire to wake up and do life again today. Reluctantly, he rolled out of bed and made his way into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee anyway. 

Yuan was already there, eating breakfast in his high chair.

Wei Ying grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down on the kitchen stool next to Yuan’s high chair. Yuan was frowning at his bowl of oatmeal. 

“Something wrong?” Wei Ying asked grumpily.

“I want fruit loops!” Yuan answered. 

“We don’t have fruit loops right now, those things cost like a billion dollars,” Wei Ying retorted.

Yuan turned his big sad eyes to Wei Ying. “Can’t your rich friend bring me fruit loops?” 

Wei Ying huffed out a laugh. Then, because he was dying inside enough that he didn’t care about anything, and because he actually kind of missed tormenting Lan Zhan, he pulled out his phone. He dialed and hoped Lan Zhan still had the same phone number. Then he handed the phone to Yuan.

“Have at it,” he muttered as he put his head down on the kitchen counter. 

“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan’s voice came through the speaker. 

“I want fruit loops!” Yuan demanded.

“Yuan?” Lan Zhan asked. 

“Do you have a billion dollars I can borrow?” 

Wei Ying couldn’t help but snicker. Unfortunately, his fun was cut short, because Wen Qing walked out of the bathroom at that moment.

“Who is on the phone?” she demanded of Yuan.

“Rich friend! He’s going to give me a billion dollars.” 

“Yuan, no, leave Wei Ying’s friend alone.”

Wen Qing glared at Wei Ying, before walking over and hanging up the cell phone. 

“Sorry,” Wei Ying muttered. “It was just a joke.”

“You look like hell. Were you out all night?” Wen Qing asked. 

“No,” Wei Ying muttered. “Not all night.” 

“You really should consider cutting back on the drinking and the sex,” Wen Qing chastised. “Maybe go to bed at a reasonable hour every once in a while. I hope you used a condom.”

This time, it was Wei Ying’s turn to glare at her as he rushed to cover Yuan’s ears. He knew his reputation. Honestly, he’d had the reputation since high school and he wasn’t even sure where it came from. It started with a rumor that he’d hooked up with Mian Mian their freshman year, and just seemed to spiral from there. By the time he was kicked out, he had allegedly slept with so many people that even he had lost track of the rumors. 

It wasn’t true. Wei Ying’s actual sexual experience was far more limited. But regardless, Wen Qing seemed to think that he went out at night to hook up with randoms. He let her think it, if it meant he didn’t have to explain what he was actually doing. Once he was sure she was done saying such inappropriate things, he let go of Yuan’s ears again. 

“Whatever,” he muttered, rolling out of his kitchen stool, his head pounding. “I have to get ready for work.” 

His shift at the diner was long and terrible. He was cranky and sluggish and did not want to put up with the rude customers today. But he fought through it with the knowledge that he had replenished his drug stash, which meant he could go home and take something and relax, and he had a day off tomorrow. It was this thought that got him through the day. 

Except what he did not expect was to run into Lan Zhan again, as he walked up to his apartment building. 

“Lan Zhan, are you stalking me?” he asked with a cheeky grin as he walked up to the nice car parked near the building. 

Lan Zhan glanced at him for a moment, but then just went to the back of his car and opened the trunk. 

“I am bringing Fruit Loops for Yuan.”

Wei Ying nearly choked. “Lan Zhan, that was a joke. You didn’t need to do that.” 

Ignoring him, Lan Zhan pulled two paper bags out of his trunk. “Help me with these,” he said, looking at Wei Ying. 

“How many Fruit Loops did you buy exactly?” Wei Ying asked in shock as he walked over and grabbed two more heavy paper bags out of the trunk. 

Lan Zhan still did not answer, he just waited for Wei Ying to lead the way up to the apartment. Wei Ying did so, shaking his head and laughing as they climbed the stairs and he led them into the apartment. 

Wen Qing was gone at class, but Wen Ning was entertaining Yuan when they walked in. 

“Hello, Lan Zhan,” Wen Ning greeted him politely from the living room, causing Yuan to look over too. 

“Hello!” Yuan squealed as they set the bags down on the counter. “Did you bring me fruit loops?” 

“Mn,” Lan Zhan answered. He began to unpack the bags. He pulled out two large boxes of Fruit Loops first. Then, a bottle of milk. Bananas and apples. A head of cabbage. Noodles. A bag of rice. A block of tofu. A jar of chili oil. A box of frozen dino chicken nuggets. Fresh ginger. Snap peas. It just went on and on. 

Wei Ying watched with wide eyes as the food just kept coming. Fresh fruit and vegetables were a luxury around here, and Lan Zhan was just pulling it out of the bag like it was nothing.

“Lan Zhan, you did not have to do all this,” he muttered, slightly embarrassed at being Lan Zhan’s charity case. 

“I do not mind,” Lan Zhan answered calmly. 

Wei Ying shook his head started putting the food away. He was too tired to protest any further. His head still felt fuzzy from the yin last night. 

“Yuan, what do you say?” he called to the living room. 

“Fruit Loops!” Yuan squealed, running to the kitchen. He was dressed in one of Wei Ying’s t-shirts that practically swallowed him up, and he nearly tripped on his way over. 

Wei Ying slowed him down before he could fall. “No, tell Lan Zhan thank you,” he instructed. 

Yuan latched onto Lan Zhan’s leg again and looked up at him with a smile. “Thank you!” 

The corners of Lan Zhan’s mouth turned upward. “You’re welcome,” he said kindly. 

That wasn’t fair. It took Wei Ying almost a year of harassing Lan Zhan before he got a smile out of him, and Yuan got a smile AND fruit loops after knowing Lan Zhan for two days. 

“You can’t have any until after you’ve eaten dinner,” Wei Ying told Yuan, which resulted in a very sad pout.

As nice as this was of Lan Zhan to bring all this food, Wei Ying could not help but think that it was delaying his ability to get high off of something. His head still hurt from the yin comedown, all he wanted was to go lock himself in his room for the night and maybe pop a benzo to take the edge off, and instead he had to entertain a guest. 

Weirdly, Lan Zhan seemed to be reading his mind, or at least his mood, because he looked over at Wei Ying. 

“You look tired,” he commented. “You should rest. Let me cook something.” 

“Oh, uh,” Wei Ying stammered, caught off guard by the offer. Why was Lan Zhan even here bringing food, much less offering to cook and being so nice to him?

“Yuan will help me cook,” Lan Zhan said, as though it was already decided. Yuan nodded his head excitedly. 

“Okay, yeah, I’m just gonna shower real quick then,” Wei Ying muttered, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “I smell like the diner.” 

So he left Lan Zhan and Yuan and Wen Ning and went to shower. He looked longingly at his backpack in his room, where his small box of prescription pills sat, but figured it could wait until after Lan Zhan left. The shower at least made him feel a little bit more alive.  Then he turned and went back into the living area. He could not help but smile at the sight that greeted him. 

Lan Zhan was balancing Yuan on one hip and stirring a wok full of eggplant with his other hand. Wei Ying pulled out his phone and snapped a photo of it, it was so cute. 

“Smells good,” he commented as he sat down on the kitchen stool to watch this adorable scene unfold. 

A few minutes later, Wen Qing arrived home. She made a confused face as she walked in and smelled the air, then looked over at the kitchen. 

“We’re cooking!” Yuan exclaimed. 

Wen Qing gave Wei Ying a side glance, but Wei Ying just shrugged. He didn’t know how to explain what was happening either. Lan Zhan was the one that had invited himself over to take over their kitchen, he had nothing to do with it.

Wen Qing seemed to decide that ignoring it was the best course of action. “Did you pay the rent?” she asked, turning to Wei Ying. 

“Oh,” he jumped off his stool. “Right, almost forgot.” He ran to his room and grabbed the extra $400 he had made last night and brought it to her. 

She frowned at him. “Cash?” she asked. 

Wei Ying shrugged. “It’s tip money. I didn’t have a chance to deposit it at the bank.” 

She stared at him for a long moment, before sighing. “I can’t pay our rent half check, half cash,” she said. “We’re going to have to deposit it tomorrow and pay the late fee.” 

“What, why not?” Wei Ying asked indignantly. “I worked my ass off for that.” He was not trying to be snappy, but his head hurt and Wen Qing was talking to him like he was an idiot. Plus he’d nearly fucking froze to death for that money, and now she was saying they’d have to pay a late fee anyway?

“It’s in the lease, check only,” Wen Qing said, raising her eyebrows at him and his sudden attitude.

Lan Zhan seemed to be paying attention to the conversation, because he suddenly interrupted. 

“I can write a check for you,” he offered. 

Wei Ying immediately shook his head. Dinner and a few groceries was one thing, but he was not about to let Lan Zhan pay his rent.

“No,” he said. He turned back to Wen Qing. “I’ll deposit it at the bank tomorrow, and we can pay the late fee.” 

“With what money?” Wen Qing asked skeptically. 

“I’ll figure it out,” Wei Ying answered with gritted teeth. He could make more sales tonight, once Lan Zhan left. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan tried again. 

“No, Lan Zhan. I said no,” Wei Ying snapped. This was actually really humiliating. The last thing he needed was for Lan Zhan to go back and tell all their old social circle that Wei Ying couldn’t even afford groceries or rent. 

Lan Zhan turned back to cooking and left it alone, but Wen Qing was looking at him with exasperation. Wei Ying knew his position didn’t make a lot of sense. It wasn’t like Lan Zhan would actually be paying their rent, they could literally pay him back immediately. But it was the principle of the matter, and also, his head hurt and he was tired.

“I’m not talking about this anymore,” Wei Ying told her firmly. 

Nobody brought it up again. Wei Ying tried to force himself to be in a better mood, for Lan Zhan’s sake. Lan Zhan served them dinner, Wei Ying asked Wen Qing how classes went today, she maintained her composure for their guest even though she was glaring at Wei Ying across the table, and eventually Lan Zhan left. 

“What was that about?” Wen Qing asked him as soon as Lan Zhan was gone. 

Wei Ying shook his head. “He’s not our personal bank account.”

Wen Qing raised an eyebrow at him. “Sucks to be given charity you never asked for, doesn’t it?” she asked pointedly. 

Wei Ying closed his eyes. “Wen Qing, please, not tonight," he sighed.

He could not handle that argument again right now. He knew Wen Qing often felt bad about what he had done, but he had had to do it. That was not the same as this. Lan Zhan did not get his own family killed and ruin Wei Ying’s life all at the same time, after all. Lan Zhan’s money was not blood money. Wei Ying's had been. The only way he could live with himself was by giving it away and trying to undo at least some of the damage he had caused. 

Luckily, Wen Qing seemed to have mercy on him, because she just started clearing the table. Wei Ying used this as an opportunity to slip away. He texted The Tiger as he grabbed his shoes and coat. Wen Qing said nothing as he slipped out the door. 

The positive side of selling two nights in a row was that after he made the extra cash for the late fee, he got to keep the rest of his proceeds to spend however he wished. And given the awful mood he was in and the fact that he’d already replenished his pills last night, that meant treating himself to a few extra doses of yin. 

He took one as soon as he got home and sank into the feeling as soon as it started to kick in. It was a relief, after such a long and terrible day. It eased the heaviness in his chest and made him feel light and free again. 

He pulled out his headphones and his art tablet. He looked at the picture he had snapped of Lan Zhan earlier, and smiled to himself. Then, he began to draw.

Chapter Text

The comedown from yin was always rough. It left the world feeling grey, Wei Ying's head feeling fuzzy, his body achy, and his emotions were always all over the place. 

Wei Ying woke up the next morning feeling all of those things and just wanting to get high again to make them go away. He had two more yin pills left, so he figured he could make a day out of it. One today, then the last one tonight once the first one started to wear off. He wasn't usually one to do yin consecutively like this, usually it was a one-off. He couldn’t usually afford more than one dose every couple of months. But rent was paid, they suddenly had an apartment full of groceries, and he had had money to spare last night.

He took the pill as he started to get ready for the day. Before he could truly enjoy his next dose, he had to get to the bank and deposit his cash and pay the rent. Otherwise Wen Qing would kill him before he had a chance to have any fun. So he reluctantly got ready to leave. He didn’t even bother to comb his hair before throwing it into a ponytail, and then he tossed on a hoodie and headed out. The bank was only a couple of blocks away, so by the time he got back home, the pill should fully kick in and allow him to enjoy the rest of his day. 

In between coming down from last night and waiting for his new dose to kick in was, arguably, the worst time for Wen Qing to try to have a serious conversation with him. And yet, before he could make it to the front door, she stopped him. 

“Are you headed to the bank?” she asked. 

“Yep,” Wei Ying answered with absolutely no enthusiasm at all. 

“Don’t get all pissy with me about it,” Wen Qing sniped back. “You’re the one who wasn’t willing to let your boyfriend help.” 

Wei Ying crossed his arms. “He’s not my boyfriend,” he repeated, his voice coming out slightly harsher than he intended. Why did she keep saying that? 

Wen Qing caught onto the sudden tension, because she frowned. “You know, you’re kind of being an asshole lately,” she said. “What is going on with you?” 

Wei Ying didn’t answer. The less he said, the less chance she had of noticing that his dose was already kicking in and he was starting to not feel fully sober. It wouldn't fully hit his system for at least half an hour, but it was hard to hold a conversation on yin, when you couldn't even hold onto your own thoughts long enough to remember what was said and respond to it. 

After a moment, Wen Qing seemed to soften slightly. “I’m sure that seeing Lan Zhan reminded you of a lot from your past,” she suggested. “Re-opened some wounds.”

Wei Ying still did not respond. He was not trying to be psychoanalyzed. He just wanted to leave to go make this damn bank deposit so that he could enjoy this high.

“You never talk about it,” she pressed. “A lot happened. You need to be able to talk about it.” 

“Wen Qing,” Wei Ying finally sighed. “I need to go to the bank.” 

Wen Qing eyed him warily, but then nodded. He stepped past her and out the door. 

When he got to the bank, he bounced up to the teller and quickly deposited his cash, smiling brightly at her. It was on the way home, however, that he ran into trouble. A block away from home, standing on the sidewalk, was none other than Xue Yang. Wei Ying’s blood ran cold. 

Xue Yang used to work for the Wens, before their drug empire fell. Wei Ying had had a couple run-ins with him before. He was a violent guy. Really bad news.

“Ooh, it must be my lucky day,” Xue Yang smirked.

Wei Ying wanted nothing more than to get out of here without any trouble. He ignored Xue Yang, ducked his head, and started to walk past him. It didn't work. A second later, he was being thrown against the building behind him, his back digging hard into a corner.

“I’d watch your back if I were you,” Xue Yang hissed at him under his breath. 

Then, he pushed him to the ground, kicked him in the stomach a few times, and turned to walk away. Wei Ying curled in on himself slightly. 

Xue Yang called back to him. “I heard your sister got engaged. Tell her I said congratulations!” 

Wei Ying felt his heart stop for a moment. Luckily, Xue Yang left after that. His heart pounding, Wei Ying pulled himself up, winced, and then started to walk home again. He only felt like he could breathe once he was safely inside his apartment, and even then, he was freaking out. 

Not wanting his roommates to witness his panic, he went to his room, closed his door, and tried to think this through. He wasn’t sure what Xue Yang’s beef was with him specifically. The Wen's empire was destroyed. He had no idea who Xue Yang worked for these days or what Wei Ying had done to piss them off. But he had made a threat towards Yanli. That much Wei Ying was sure of. 

Wei Ying did not even know that she was engaged. His heart ached to hear this news, but he didn’t have time to be sad right now. There were more pressing things to worry about. Like ensuring she was okay.

After a beat, he decided he needed to do something. He could try to call Yanli directly, but he’d been trying very hard to keep his distance from her. He didn’t want her pulled into his wreckage, for exactly this reason. So he pulled out his phone and dialed Jiang Cheng instead.

Voicemail. 

“Fuck,” he cursed as he hung up. He pulled up his texts with Jiang Cheng. Their last message in the thread was almost two years ago. He thought about what he wanted to say. 

Hey. I know you probably don’t want to hear from me, but this is an emergency. Please call.

Satisfied, he hit send. That was all he could do for now, until he could talk to Jiang Cheng directly. He did not want to put more details than that in writing.

So much for enjoying his high today, he was now amped up in the worst kind of way. He was definitely not in the clear mental state that he needed to be in to be dealing with this kind of thing. His head was starting to spin from the yin dose, and not in a good way. He felt slightly sick. And now that it was fully hitting him, he couldn’t grasp onto his own thoughts. He knew he was panicking but the yin high kept snatching the reasons why away from him, leaving him in a blind anxiety with occasional moments where he remembered what was happening and panicked more.

He went to the bathroom and locked the door, splashed some water on his face, then sank to the bathroom floor. He needed to get it together. He buried his head in his knees.

He wasn’t even sure how long he sat there before he suddenly jumped at the sound of someone banging on the bathroom door. 

“What the fuck,” he muttered. 

Wen Qing was a real pain in the ass sometimes. Right now, he just wanted to ride out his ruined trip in peace, thank you very much. 

More banging. 

“Fuck off!” he yelled at the door. 

“Wei Ying.” That was not Wen Qing’s voice.

Lan Zhan? What was Lan Zhan doing here, pounding on his bathroom door? That made no sense. Confused, Wei Ying leaned over to unlock it. Sure enough, Lan Zhan was standing on the other side of the door, and he looked… angry? Wei Ying racked his brain trying to figure out what was going on and why Lan Zhan would be here and angry with him. He came up with nothing.

“Lan Zhan, what are you doing here?” he finally asked. His own voice seemed to echo in his head.

Lan Zhan opened his mouth to answer, but something was off about him. He was glowing and distant. That’s when Wei Ying realized. There was absolutely no reason for Lan Zhan to be here right now. It wouldn’t make any sense. 

He was fucking hallucinating.  

The stress of running into Xue Yang combined with being on yin was making him lose touch with reality. In the midst of his realization, he missed whatever fake Lan Zhan said. Not that it mattered, he wasn’t real. 

Wei Ying squeezed his eyes shut and tried to make him disappear. He opened his eyes again. Lan Zhan was still staring at him. Frowning at him. 

“Oh, quit looking at me like that, Lan Zhan. I know you’ve always thought the worst of me, aren’t you happy to see that I lived up to your expectations?” Wei Ying muttered, mostly to himself.

Fake Lan Zhan did not respond. He just frowned deeper.

Wei Ying scoffed. “You’re not even real, why am I still talking?”

Still, fake Lan Zhan said nothing. He just glanced off to the side all of a sudden, and then clenched his hand tightly and turned and walked away. 

Wei Ying laughed. Even a hallucination of Lan Zhan was boring and uptight. 

Now that that vacation from reality was over, Wei Ying buried his head in his knees again to try to ride out the rest of the misery of this bad trip. He felt very nauseous and the world was spinning upside down. He really should not have taken yin on an empty stomach. 

He then found his thoughts again, and remembered that he was supposed to be panicking about Xue Yang threatening Yanli. He couldn’t lose Yanli. He couldn’t. That actually made his stomach lurch. He dry heaved into the toilet, just to again be reminded he was on an empty stomach. 

He laid down. Sobbed. Then forgot why he was sobbing, but knew that it felt like the world was ending. 

He lost track of time, maybe even fell asleep, maybe hallucinated Lan Zhan a couple more times but he wasn’t really sure if he was even awake. But at some point, instead of feeling completely lost inside his own brain, he felt the discomfort of the cold, hard bathroom tile. He was coming back to himself.

He used the bathroom counter to help haul himself up off the ground. His head was pounding and his mouth felt really dry and his whole body ached. But he had a grasp on reality again, and he remembered that he needed to get to his phone and see if Jiang Cheng had responded. He trudged out of the bathroom, squinting his eyes at how bright the lights were.

He was pretty sure he had left his phone in his bedroom, but when he went in there to look, he couldn’t find it. He tried to mentally retrace his steps since coming home and sending Jiang Cheng that text. Admittedly, it was all a bit fuzzy, but he could have sworn he went from his room straight to the bathroom. 

Still, it wasn’t there, so he decided to check the living room. Before he could even make it out the door, he nearly ran into something.

“Wei Ying.”

Or someone, apparently. Wei Ying froze. Lan Zhan was still here. He was no longer glowing, but he was standing in front of Wei Ying’s bedroom door, blocking him from getting out.

Wei Ying frowned in confusion at him. He really didn’t feel high anymore, so what was going on?

“Lan Zhan?” he asked hesitantly, reaching out to touch Lan Zhan and test if he was real.

He was real, and he was looking questioningly at Wei Ying's hand on his chest. Wei Ying laughed awkwardly and pulled his hand back.

“Yuan called me,” Lan Zhan explained. 

“Yuan called you?” Wei Ying repeated Lan Zhan’s statement, trying to get his sluggish brain to catch up with the situation. 

“He thought he had been left home alone. He was scared, and he found your phone,” Lan Zhan answered. "I was the last number you had dialed so he managed to call me."

Wei Ying stared at him, still trying to comprehend.

“Where’s Wen Ning?” Wen Ning usually had Yuan duty during the day.

“I do not know. I was able to call Wen Qing at the hospital. She is working until late and says Wen Ning asked you to watch him,” Lan Zhan responded. 

“He asked me?” Wei Ying mumbled. He didn’t remember that. He actually didn’t remember seeing anyone at all when he got home. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said firmly, as if trying to get his attention. 

Right. Okay, so Lan Zhan had not been a hallucination after all, and Wei Ying apparently had some explaining to do. His brain was slowly catching up to everything. First, he needed to see if Jiang Cheng had responded. Then he could deal with the Lan Zhan issue. 

"Have you seen my phone?" he croaked out. 

Lan Zhan pulled Wei Ying's phone out of his own pocket and handed it over with an intensity to his gaze. Wei Ying wasn’t sure if Lan Zhan had gone through it when he called Wen Qing, or just taken it from Yuan, but either way, Wei Ying was fucked. That gaze showed that Lan Zhan clearly knew enough of what Wei Ying had been up to. There was no lying his way out of this. 

He glanced down at his phone. No response from Jiang Cheng. Wei Ying’s stomach was in knots. He looked back up at Lan Zhan, who was still blocking the doorway. It almost seemed intentional.

“Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying asked nervously, but trying to be humorous. "Am I under arrest?"

“Are you okay?” Lan Zhan asked defensively.

Wei Ying immediately understood the meaning of the question, and realized why he was being blocked in. He couldn’t even be angry about it, he was very grateful that Lan Zhan had stepped in and protected Yuan from what could have otherwise been a very scary experience for a toddler.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I’m fine.”

Lan Zhan still seemed to hesitate. Wei Ying met his gaze. 

“I promise,” he said firmly. “I would tell you if I wasn’t. I thought Yuan was with Wen Ning. I would never want him to see that.”  

Lan Zhan seemed to believe him, because he relented and started walking back to the living room. Wei Ying tentatively followed, and then watched as Lan Zhan went to the kitchen, filled a glass with water, and handed it to Wei Ying. 

“Thanks,” Wei Ying murmured, taking a sip. His stomach protested so he put it back down on the counter. “How long have you been here?”

“Since 10am,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying checked his phone again. It was nearly 7 in the evening. He’d lost his entire day to a bad trip and Lan Zhan had sacrificed his whole day to watch Yuan. He probably had other things he could be doing. Wei Ying glanced at Yuan, who was curled up under a blanket on the couch, fast asleep. He suddenly felt like he wanted to cry. He had really fucked up this time. Wen Qing was going to lose it.

“Is he okay?” Wei Ying asked shakily.

Lan Zhan nodded. “He is fine. I told him you were not feeling good. We watched cartoons. I tried to check on you a few times, but you seemed..." Lan Zhan trailed off. Then instead of finishing that sentence, he changed his mind. "Wen Qing said as long as you were breathing, that I should just let you ride it out.”

The idea of Lan Zhan sitting and watching cartoons all day while intermittently trying to take care of Wei Ying was both heartwarming and humiliating. Poor Lan Zhan, who had simply been kind enough to talk to Wei Ying the other night on the street, was now getting looped into all of Wei Ying’s shit and having to pick up the pieces of Wei Ying’s mistakes. It was shameful.

“Okay. I’m glad he’s okay,” Wei Ying muttered, shoving his hands into his hoodie pocket. His head was throbbing. 

“Mn.” Lan Zhan nodded. 

“Thanks. I, uh… I’m really sorry. That you had to do this.” 

Lan Zhan just stared at him.

“Wei Ying,” he finally said, his voice gentle. “I am worried for you.” 

Wei Ying felt a sudden defensiveness rise up in him, but he tried to swallow it down. Because yeah, he could see what this looked like. But this was not normal. Wei Ying was usually much more careful and in control of his drug use. This was a fluke. 

He shook his head. “You don’t need to be. It was just…” he looked for the right words. “A lot of unexpected things happened today,” he finally answered. “I’m not usually like this.” 

Then, because he suddenly felt like he needed to add it for fear of child protective services getting called, he said more firmly, “Yuan is well taken care of, Lan Zhan.” 

“He is a happy child,” Lan Zhan agreed, causing Wei Ying to relax again slightly. 

Then Lan Zhan seemed to consider his words for a moment before continuing. “You do not need to apologize. I want to help.” 

Wei Ying couldn’t help but ask the question. “Why?” he asked. “Why are you helping me so much all of a sudden?” 

Lan Zhan frowned slightly. “We are friends,” he answered, as though it was simple.  

Wei Ying didn’t really know what to do with that. Sure, he had constantly followed Lan Zhan around in school, teasing him and trying to cause trouble. But even after it stopped making Lan Zhan angry, Lan Zhan had still mostly seemed to just tolerate him. He'd never really acknowledged that it was an actual friendship. Not to mention, there had been some friction between them, near the end of everything. Lan Zhan had figured out he was dealing drugs even before everything blew up with the Wens, and had been extremely judgmental and disapproving. They had a pretty bad fight over it. 

Plus, even if they were friends back then, it still didn’t answer the question of why he was suddenly in Wei Ying’s apartment for the third day in a row now, after going so long without speaking.

“Yeah, okay, but we haven’t talked in years,” Wei Ying accused. He was trying not to sound hostile, but he admittedly felt pretty defensive. He didn't like the idea that Lan Zhan was just shoving his way into his life after all this time, and was probably judging everything about Wei Ying right now.   

Lan Zhan looked away, an expression of guilt passing over his face. “I am sorry I did not reach out sooner,” he said. “Uncle would not permit me to speak with you after you were arrested.” 

Wei Ying really didn’t know what to say to that. He definitely did not have kind things to say about Lan Zhan's uncle. He decided it was a subject better dropped. 

“Well, thanks,” Wei Ying repeated. “For the groceries and for…” he gestured his hand towards Yuan and didn't finish his sentence. “I’ve already ruined your day, I don’t want to take up even more of your time. I’ve got it from here.”

Lan Zhan didn’t seem to like being dismissed like that, he had a look of dismay on his face. 

“Wei Ying, please let me help you."

Wei Ying tensed. It really felt like they were back in high school all over again, when Lan Zhan simply heard the word drugs and immediately decided Wei Ying was going to die and needed to go to rehab immediately. Except they weren't in high school anymore and he really didn’t want to have that argument again now. 

“Sure, Lan Zhan,” he said instead. “I promise to call you if I need help.” 

Lan Zhan still didn’t seem happy about that, but he seemed to finally realize he was not wanted here. He nodded. “Goodnight, Wei Ying.” 

“Goodnight, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said, as kindly as he could muster. Lan Zhan had done a lot today, after all. Wei Ying was grateful for it, even if he was bitter about the underlying judgment. 

Once Lan Zhan was gone, Wei Ying checked his phone again. Still no response from Jiang Cheng. His chest felt tight. He couldn’t just keep harassing Jiang Cheng, it wouldn’t help. He just had to wait. 

He went over to Yuan and gently brushed his fingers against the kid’s cheek. He couldn’t believe what he had done. He honestly had no memory of Wen Ning asking him to watch Yuan. Wei Ying would have never gotten high if he thought he was supposed to be doing so. 

Yuan stirred at the touch and opened his little eyes to look at Wei Ying. 

“Are you feeling better?” Yuan asked sleepily. 

Wei Ying nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I’m okay. Go back to sleep.” 

Yuan’s eyes drifted shut again. “You can borrow my bunny,” he mumbled sleepily. 

It was only then that Wei Ying noticed that Yuan was clutching a stuffed rabbit. Wei Ying smiled fondly despite himself. He could take a wild guess who gave it to him. Nobody in this apartment had any money for new toys, and he happened to know exactly one person in his life that had a strong affinity for rabbits. 

Wei Ying felt so sad and anxious after everything that had happened today that he was half tempted to take Yuan up on it. To hold the stuffed rabbit to his own chest and cry. Instead, he pulled the covers up to make sure Yuan was snugly tucked into them, and then stood up and went to his own room to sleep off his terrible headache. 

He got maybe an hour of sleep before he was woken up by the sound of his bedroom door being violently thrown open and banging against the wall. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Wen Qing asked angrily. 

It took Wei Ying a moment to fully wake up and process the situation, but as soon as he did, he quickly sat up. He knew Lan Zhan had already told Wen Qing about the state he found him in, and yet, he had not thought about what he was going to say to her. He had been exhausted, and there had been so many other things he was stressed about. 

“Sorry,” is the only word that came out of his mouth. He knew that wasn’t good enough. 

Wen Qing crossed her arms. “Sorry?!” she hissed. “That’s all you have to say for yourself?”

Wei Ying rubbed the back of his neck out of stress. “What do you want me to say?” he asked, his voice cracking slightly. “There’s no excuse. I fucked up.” 

“How long?” Wen Qing asked. 

Wei Ying frowned in confusion as he tried to figure out what that question meant. 

“How long have you been using again?” Wen Qing clarified.

Wei Ying tensed at the question. How was he supposed to explain that he had never really stopped? Sure, using yin again was more recent. But he'd never been clean.  Apparently, the answer didn't really matter. His silence was enough of an answer for Wen Qing because she was already talking again. 

“Get out,” she hissed. 

Wei Ying’s eyes widened. “Wen Qing,” he started. 

“I will not allow this around Yuan,” Wen Qing snapped. “I already know you don’t value your own life very much, but I’m the one that had to take care of you after you nearly OD’ed in high school and I will not have him,” Wen Qing gestured towards the living room where Yuan was sleeping, “finding you like that. Or worse, have him finding your shit and getting hurt. Get out and don’t come back until you’re clean.” 

Wei Ying winced at the reminder of his overdose. It was about a year before his arrest. Before anyone else even knew about his drug habit. The Wen siblings knew, because they lived with Wen Ruohan and knew all about the drug dealing world, but nobody else had caught onto Wei Ying yet. Not only had Wen Qing and her brother broken their own family loyalty to save his life, they’d kept his confidence. They never told anyone about that awful night or about his involvement with drugs at all, because they knew that if Madam Yu heard about it, he’d be disowned. Looking back now, it was a secret that ended up costing her her life. 

The reminder took any fight out of Wei Ying. Wen Qing was right. He'd already caused enough harm, he did not need to hurt Yuan too.  

So Wei Ying nodded. He grabbed his phone and his charger, his sketchbook and headphones, and his backpack. He shoved everything into it. Wen Qing gave him a sad look, a silent pity, but didn’t say anything else. 

Outside, he was met with a bitter cold and the beginnings of snow. He sat down on the steps in front of his building and rested his head against the railing. He knew he only had one option. How pathetic was he, that he had nobody to call except for the guy who had only been back in his life for three days? He felt like a jerk for taking advantage of him like this. But it was cold and he had nowhere else to go.

He sighed. He pulled out his phone, his fingers already stiff from the cold, and he dialed. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan answered on the second ring. 

“Were you serious?” Wei Ying asked, his voice shaking. “About helping me?” 

“Yes,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying felt a tear run down his cheek. “Okay. That’s good. Because I really need help.”

Chapter Text

It took Lan Zhan twenty excruciating minutes to get to Wei Ying’s apartment. Wei Ying sighed in relief when he saw the car finally pull up. He thought he was about to become frozen to the railing. He stood up and got into the passenger’s side. 

Lan Zhan had already turned the seat heater on, but when Wei Ying got into the car, he took one look at Wei Ying shivering and then reached over and turned the heat up. He didn’t say anything, he just pulled back onto the street and drove. That was good, because Wei Ying wasn’t sure he was really capable of holding a conversation right now.

It was one of the things he always liked about Lan Zhan. The quiet. Lan Zhan had always been that way. He just radiated this sense of quiet tranquility. Usually, Wei Ying was good at filling the silence for both of them, but on the occasions that he had nothing to say, it was never awkward. Just calm.

They drove through the streets of New York until they pulled up behind a very nice building. Lan Zhan had his own parking spot and everything. Lan Zhan got out of the car and Wei Ying followed. A doorman greeted Lan Zhan at the entrance as "Mr. Lan."  He also shot Wei Ying a judgmental glance, but said nothing to him. 

Knew it, Wei Ying thought sarcastically. 

Lan Zhan led him into an elevator and up to the top floor. Lan Zhan lived in a penthouse, apparently. Wei Ying knew he came from money. Everyone knew the Lans had money. But even he had not known it was a penthouse in NYC kind of money. 

Still, the place wasn’t flashy. When Lan Zhan led him inside, Wei Ying noticed that he apparently preferred a very simple style of decor. Dark wood floors, white walls, neutral colored furniture. Simple paintings of nature on the walls. It smelled like tea and incense. 

The place was just so Lan Zhan. It gave off the same quiet tranquility that he did. 

“Wei Ying can stay in here,” Lan Zhan said, leading him into a bedroom with an attached bathroom. The bathroom had one of those extra large tubs in it. It was very different from the tiny shower in his Bronx apartment. Wei Ying could not remember the last time he’d just soaked in a tub. 

Lan Zhan seemed to see him eyeing it. “There is food in the kitchen,” Lan Zhan said. “You should eat something, and I will draw you a bath.” 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes. Lan Zhan was so ridiculously kind sometimes. But his stomach had calmed down and food sounded good. He didn’t think he had eaten anything all day. And he was only staying one night. Just until he could come up with a plan for somewhere else to go. He would not impose on Lan Zhan for very long. So since Lan Zhan was offering, he might as well take him up on these things. 

He put his backpack down on the bed and padded back out to the kitchen. On the stove was a pot of rice and some sort of tofu. Wei Ying hunted around the kitchen until he found a bowl and a spoon. Once he’d eaten and washed his bowl in the sink, he headed back to the room he’d come from. 

Lan Zhan was sitting on the edge of the bed and stood up when he walked in. “Your bath is ready,” he said. “Do you need anything else?” 

Wei Ying was about to say no when he realized he hadn’t packed any other clothes other than the hoodie and jeans he was wearing. “Could I borrow some sleep clothes?” he asked. 

Lan Zhan nodded. He stood up to leave and Wei Ying walked into the bathroom. His eyes widened. 

When he had said he would draw Wei Ying a bath, Wei Ying had been expecting him to get the water hot and fill the tub. But Lan Zhan had gone all out. Essential oils, candles, the works. Still, Wei Ying had to admit he was eager to relax into it. His whole body ached. 

He reached up and pulled his hoodie off. Before he could take his jeans off, Lan Zhan was knocking on the door. Wei Ying opened it to take the clean clothes from him.

“Thanks,” he murmured. 

Lan Zhan’s eyes widened. Wei Ying raised an eyebrow at him. He knew Lan Zhan was raised very strictly, but surely Lan Zhan was not so modest that seeing another man without a shirt on was scandalous to him. He opened his mouth to tease him about it, but before he could, Lan Zhan spoke.

“What happened?” he asked. 

Wei Ying frowned. What did he mean what…? Wei Ying followed his gaze.

Oh. 

Wei Ying’s ribs were covered in large blue and purple bruises. In all of the everything that had happened today, he had actually completely forgotten that he was physically assaulted this morning by Xue Yang. Suddenly, he went from wanting to make fun of Lan Zhan to feeling very exposed.

He crossed his arms over his stomach. “Nothing,” he muttered. 

Lan Zhan’s gaze flicked to his face, his eyes searching. Then his expression shifted to something more neutral and he looked away politely. “Let me know if you need anything else,” he said.  

Wei Ying just nodded. Lan Zhan stepped back and closed the door. 

Wei Ying put the clothes down on the bathroom counter and looked at his stomach again. He pressed a finger to his rib and then inhaled sharply at the pain. Xue Yang had really done some damage apparently. Wei Ying hadn’t really felt it at the time. He’d been too high. No wonder he was so sore now, though.

He sighed, and then finished undressing and slipped into the bath. The hot water felt nice, but he couldn’t really relax into it. Not now that he was thinking about the incident with Xue Yang again. He still had not heard back from Jiang Cheng and he was worried about Yanli. 

He tried to tell himself that not hearing anything was good news. He’d like to think that if something had happened to Yanli, Jiang Cheng would at least call him for that. Then again, nobody had told him she was engaged, and that was a pretty big deal. He wondered if it was to that peacock that Yanli had been obsessed with for years. 

Thinking about the engagement made him antsy. Not knowing for sure that she was okay left him feeling scared. He did not feel okay. 

He knew that tonight, he had blown his own life up. He'd put Yuan at risk. He'd disappointed Wen Qing. He'd lost his home and his chosen family all in one go. All thanks to one bad trip on yin. Now he wasn’t allowed to go home unless he got clean.

And yet, he wanted to get high. 

He couldn't deal with all of this. It was too painful. Getting high would numb it. Would make it hurt less. 

He blew out the candles, pulled the drain, and got out of the bath. Then he grabbed a ridiculously nice towel off the towel rack and dried off. He put on the clothes Lan Zhan had brought him.

It was just a soft white shirt and a pair of grey sweats, but they were oddly soothing to wear. The shirt was slightly big on his emaciated frame, but in a cozy way. And it smelled good. Lan Zhan had a very nice smelling laundry detergent. 

It was all he could focus on. The smell of Lan Zhan’s laundry detergent. Otherwise, he was going to lose his mind. 

He went out to the guest room. His backpack was staring at him. At least, that's what it felt like. He knew there was a whole box of drugs in there. God, he wanted to get high so badly. 

He couldn't really think of a reason not to. He'd already been kicked out, how much worse could things get? He could just take a couple painkillers. It would ease the pain that he now definitely felt in his ribs. It would also ease the even worse pain he felt in his heart. 

The only thing that stopped him was that just as he was reaching for his backpack, his phone rang. He rushed to grab it instead. 

"Jiang Cheng," Wei Ying said as soon as he accepted the call.

"You called?" Jiang Cheng asked, sounding more than annoyed. 

"I… uh, yeah. Have you spoken to Yanli lately?" Wei Ying suddenly felt extremely nervous. He hadn't spoken to Jiang Cheng in almost two years, it was weird to hear his voice now. 

"I was just with her half an hour ago," Jiang Cheng answered. "Why?"

"So she's okay?" 

"What do you care?" Jiang Cheng bit out.

"Jiang Cheng, please," Wei Ying begged. His voice was thin. He needed to hear Jiang Cheng say it. 

"She's fine."

Wei Ying swallowed. "Okay," he said. "Thanks."

"Is that it?" 

No, that wasn’t it. Wei Ying wanted to ask his brother how he had been, ask him about the engagement and complain about the peacock together, tell him he missed him. But none of that would be a welcome conversation. 

“Yeah,” he croaked out instead. 

The other end of the line was silent. For a moment, Wei Ying wondered if Jiang Cheng had already hung up.

“You could call her, you know,” Jiang Cheng finally muttered. 

Wei Ying felt a tear roll down his cheek. He knew he could. Jiang Cheng had kicked him out and disowned him for giving his inheritance to the Wens, but Yanli did not share that anger. Wei Ying heard the implication behind Jiang Cheng’s words, too. It wasn’t just a reminder, it was a request. Yanli wanted to hear from him. And as much as Jiang Cheng hated him personally, he wanted Wei Ying to call her and ease her worries.

It was Wei Ying that had cut off that relationship. He knew he’d hurt her by doing it. But he had gotten her parents killed, and he didn’t want to put Yanli in danger too. He still didn’t want that, and Xue Yang’s comment only made it more obvious that that could happen. Wei Ying knew from experience that the people he cared about were safer if he stayed away. 

Still, the suggestion from Jiang Cheng broke something in him. After today, he’d officially lost everything. He sniffed and wiped another tear off his cheek. 

“I have to go,” Wei Ying mumbled. Then he hung up the phone.

He wanted so badly to talk to him. To have his brother back. But this call was painful, and he needed it to end. He stared at his backpack again. Suddenly, he didn’t want to take any pills at all tonight. He was so fucking tired of drugs. They used to be fun. Now, they’d taken everything from him. 

He also did not want to be here. In this big fancy bedroom with silk sheets. It was too quiet and lonely in here. It made his stomach ache. He didn’t want drugs but he did want something to make this feeling go away. He stood up and left the room to wander the apartment.

Lan Zhan’s bedroom door was open. He was propped up on his bed, reading a book. Wei Ying knocked lightly on the door frame. Lan Zhan looked up. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said in concern, because yeah, Wei Ying probably looked like he’d been crying. He didn’t care. He was beyond caring about looking pathetic right now. 

“Can I just hang out with you for a little while?” Wei Ying asked. He knew it was a weird request, but he wanted that sense of calm that always radiated off of Lan Zhan. He craved the way Lan Zhan’s presence always seemed to silence all the chaos in his own head.

“Mn,” Lan Zhan answered. He moved over slightly and fluffed up a pillow next to him. 

Wei Ying shuffled inside and got onto the bed. “What are you reading?” he asked. 

“It is a history book about Ancient China.” 

Wei Ying huffed out a small laugh. Of course Lan Zhan couldn’t read anything normal before bed like a romance novel or a sci-fi story. He had to read a fucking history book. 

“Will you read to me?” Wei Ying asked anyway. 

Lan Zhan opened his book again and began to read out loud. Wei Ying was only half paying attention to the words, but mostly he just focused on the deep rumble of Lan Zhan’s voice. It was very comforting.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying dreamt that he was a farmer, planting vegetables in the dirt, and that Lan Zhan was a royal Chinese prince that came to visit his farm. He brought Yuan fruits and gifts. It was cloudy and quite chilly out but Yuan was in awe of Lan Zhan's attention, and Wei Ying couldn’t help but smile at him.

He woke up shivering. Which was, in turn, painful. His injured ribs were now throbbing.

He curled up tighter under the thick blanket he was under, and then realized he was not in his apartment. That’s when he remembered that he had been kicked out last night, and was staying at Lan Zhan’s. 

It was still dark. He painfully groped around to find his phone and check the time. Instead, his hand made contact with a body. He tensed. 

Lifting his head slightly, he suddenly realized he had not fallen asleep in his own bed. Lan Zhan was fast asleep beside him. He should probably go back to his own room, but his body felt too heavy and exhausted and sore to actually get up. 

Except now, Lan Zhan was starting to stir. Probably because Wei Ying had just smacked him on the chest. 

“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan asked tiredly. 

“Lan Zhan, why is your apartment so cold?” Wei Ying asked, choosing the tactic of pretending it was not weird at all that he was in Lan Zhan’s bed. 

Lan Zhan sat up and looked at Wei Ying. Then, he wordlessly got out of bed and left the room. Wei Ying wondered if he had scared him off or made him uncomfortable. But a moment later, he came back in and approached Wei Ying’s side of the bed with an extra blanket, which he draped over Wei Ying, before going back around to his own side of the bed and crawling in again to lay on his back. 

It wasn’t enough. Wei Ying was freezing. Things were already really weird, so he decided there was little harm in making them weirder. He scooted a little closer to Lan Zhan, and Lan Zhan’s body heat. He waited a beat, to see if Lan Zhan would object. When Lan Zhan said nothing, he curled up into Lan Zhan’s side. He was just so warm, and Wei Ying was so cold. 

He focused on the steady and slow rhythm of Lan Zhan’s breathing as he tried to fall asleep again. 

The next time he woke up, the sun was shining through Lan Zhan’s bedroom window and Lan Zhan was not beside him. He was no longer shivering, but instead overheated from the two blankets on him. He forced himself to sit up, ignoring the sharp pain in his ribs. In the clarity of daylight, he started to realize what had happened last night. 

Had he seriously just cuddled with Lan Zhan? 

He wasn’t actually that shocked at his own shamelessness, but what was really surprising was that Lan Zhan had let him. Lan Zhan hated to be touched. Wei Ying hoped he had not made Lan Zhan too uncomfortable. 

Sighing, Wei Ying tossed the blankets off and tenderly got out of bed. He was hurting. Xue Yang’s attack yesterday felt so much worse today. He tried to ignore the way his ribs strongly protested as he walked out of Lan Zhan’s room and into the living area, but it hurt so bad, it felt like they might be broken. 

There was a note on the kitchen counter, and next to it, a key.

                   Wei Ying, 

                   Here is a key to the apartment. Wen Qing brought your clothes, they are in your room.

Wei Ying had only expected to stay for one night. He had not expected to be given a key, or for Wen Qing to move all of his stuff over here while he was sleeping. He stared at the key for a moment, before reluctantly taking it and pocketing it. After all, as of now, he still had nowhere else to go. And if Lan Zhan was giving him a key and having his stuff brought over, that sounded like Lan Zhan was open to him staying here for at least a few more nights. 

He started to head over to the fridge next, but each step was painful. His body really hurt. Before he even made it to food, he decided he needed something to take the edge off. For a moment, he briefly considered the fact that he had prescription painkillers in his backpack, but he was trying to be good. So instead, he decided he would raid Lan Zhan’s apartment for something less fun, like Tylenol. 

He headed back to Lan Zhan’s room to check his bathroom medicine cabinet. He opened it and found a bottle of Extra-Strength Tylenol on the first shelf. He reached for it, opened it, and swallowed two. But just as he was putting it away, another bottle caught his eye. 

He couldn’t help it, he was nosy.

He grabbed the prescription bottle on the other side of the medicine cabinet and looked at it. It was Xanax. A prescription for it, in Lan Zhan’s name.

Lan Zhan took Xanax? Wei Ying supposed it made sense. Lan Zhan always radiated an outward sense of calm, but he was also so rigid all the time. Wei Ying could believe he struggled with anxiety. Though, the bottle looked fairly full and the prescription had been filled over a year ago. If he did take it, he didn’t seem to need it very often. 

“Wei Ying?”

Lan Zhan’s voice was accompanied by a soft knock on the open bedroom door. It made Wei Ying jump, he hadn’t even heard anyone come in. He startled at the sudden interruption and quickly shoved the bottle into his pocket and closed the medicine cabinet. Then he left the bathroom. He found Lan Zhan walking into the bedroom to find him. 

“Hey,” Wei Ying greeted him with as casual of a smile as he could manage. “You’re back!” 

“Mn,” Lan Zhan answered. His eyes seemed to flick to the bathroom Wei Ying had just come out of and then study Wei Ying for a moment, and Wei Ying started to wonder if he saw what just happened , but then he only said, “I only had two students to teach this morning.” So maybe he didn’t know and Wei Ying was being paranoid. 

“Oh. How did that go?” Wei Ying asked, just trying to continue the conversation and not act weird.  Logic was finally catching up to him. Why had he done that, instead of just putting it away? He really wasn’t trying to steal Lan Zhan’s pills. He didn’t need to. He had his own stash of perfectly good drugs in his backpack and besides, he was trying to be better. That’s why he had come looking for Tylenol in the first place. 

“Fine,” Lan Zhan responded. 

Wei Ying forgot how little Lan Zhan talked. It wasn’t normally a problem because Wei Ying could do enough talking for the both of them, but right now, he was slightly distracted by the bottle of pills burning a hole in his pocket. There was nothing he could do about it at the moment. He just wanted to put it back where it came from, but he couldn’t exactly turn around and go back into the bathroom he just came out of, that would look suspicious. So he needed to stop being so weird about it and just put them back later. He racked his brain for something else to say. 

“Hey, sorry I took over your bed last night,” were the words that ended up coming out of his mouth. 

“I did not mind. You seemed like you did not want to be alone,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying exhaled and relaxed slightly. He was glad he had not accidentally made things really weird between them. 

“Yeah,” he agreed. “It was a crazy night.” 

Lan Zhan nodded. “Have you eaten?” 

Wei Ying shook his head. 

“I will make lunch.” 

Wei Ying couldn’t just say, hang on, let me just go put back these pills I stole first. So he just nodded and followed Lan Zhan out to the kitchen. He would put them back as soon as he had an opening to do so. 

Lan Zhan did not talk much as he prepared food for them and then sat to eat with Wei Ying. Then, after lunch, Wei Ying had to get ready for a shift at the diner. He went back to his own room to change. He pulled the accidentally stolen bottle out of his pocket, changed into some black jeans and his work uniform, covered it with a hoodie, and then shoved the bottle into his hoodie pocket to see if he could hopefully slip it back into Lan Zhan’s medicine cabinet before he left. 

Unfortunately, Lan Zhan was in the living room, and Wei Ying couldn’t just go waltzing back into Lan Zhan’s bedroom for no reason. So he sighed. He would hold onto the bottle for now and try to put it back tonight. Maybe he would have to get creative as to how to do it, but he would figure it out. 

Halfway through his shift at the diner, he got a text from The Tiger. 

Come over tonight. We’re having a party. 

Wei Ying shouldn’t. He was trying to be good. Trying to get clean so that he could go home and be around Yuan again. But, maybe before he was fully good, he could have one last party. He wouldn’t take anything. He would just make an appearance at the party, one last hurrah before he started trying to live a reformed life.

It turns out, going to a drug-dealer’s house party when you’re not using drugs is a terrible experience. 

Not only because Wei Ying was just standing around watching everyone else do drugs and was craving wanting to do the same, but because his Tylenol from earlier was not enough to save him from the awful pain of being bumped and jostled around in a crowded room. He was miserable. He was in pain. He really wanted to get high.

This was supposed to be his last hurrah, after all, and it did not feel like a good time. 

He didn’t have any money to buy anything, but he did have Lan Zhan’s bottle of pills still in his pocket. Would Lan Zhan really notice if he just took a couple? Wei Ying doubted it. It looked like Lan Zhan never even used them. 

Before he could think too hard about it, he made up his mind. He headed to the kitchen where there was a little more room to move without people running into him, and where there was some counter space to do whatever he needed to do. He pulled out the prescription bottle and dumped a couple of the small white pills onto the counter so that he could crush and snort them. It would be a quicker high, which he really needed right now. 

He had just managed to take his lines when all hell broke loose. 

“COPS!” Someone screamed from the living room. 

“Shit,” Wei Ying cursed, his head already swimming with the drug hitting his system. He quickly wiped the residue off the kitchen counter and reached to grab the prescription bottle. In his haste, he missed and knocked it off the counter instead. The open bottle crashed to the floor, the pills spilling everywhere as the empty plastic container got carried away under the feet of people trying to get out. 

Wei Ying didn’t have time to worry about it, he needed to get out of there. Most people were headed for the front door, but Wei Ying made his way to the bedroom. The Tiger only lived on the second floor, and Wei Ying happened to know that there was a conveniently located tree branch that nearly reached the balcony. 

He took a breath, ran, and jumped for it. It was not the first time he’d taken this escape route. There had been one other occasion where he had needed to make a sudden exit from The Tiger’s apartment. 

Except it was the first time he’d taken this escape route while high and with a probably broken rib. This time, when he caught the tree branch, he was met with a sharp pain in his ribs that then caused him to let go of said tree branch and tumble downwards. His clothes caught on a branch further down, which luckily slowed his fall, and then he crashed to the grass below. 

For a moment, the world was reduced to nothing but white hot pain. It took a minute for that to dim enough for him to focus again. He was pretty sure nothing was broken, nothing new anyway, but he could also feel a sting on his skin in a few areas that meant he had definitely scraped himself up pretty badly and his ribs were throbbing. 

He didn’t have time to care. He got back up and ran. 

He made it a couple blocks before he had to stop running. His head was spinning from the drugs. His lungs were burning for air, and as he gasped for breath, his ribs screamed in protest. He ducked into an alleyway and collapsed to the floor. He dry heaved from the pain, which only made it hurt even worse. Then he squeezed his eyes shut for a minute. Once he felt like he could breathe again, he peeked his head out. 

There were no cops in sight, just a few random people milling about on the sidewalks. He seemed to be in the clear. He started to move again, at a much slower pace this time. He headed for the subway to go back to Lan Zhan’s apartment. 

It wasn’t until he was nearly home that he started to think about how screwed he was. He had lost Lan Zhan’s entire bottle of pills. How was he supposed to put them back now? How long until Lan Zhan noticed they were gone? 

He was too high on Xanax to really feel the panic about it, but he knew logically that this was a bad thing. Still, he didn’t know what else to do or have it in him to really worry about it right now, so he just went back to Lan Zhan’s apartment anyway. 

Lan Zhan was sitting in the living room and appeared to be working on something. He looked up from the papers in front of him when Wei Ying walked in, then stood up to walk over to him. 

“What did you do?” Lan Zhan asked with a frown.

Wei Ying’s brain was moving kind of slow from the Xanax. He had no idea what Lan Zhan was referencing specifically. He had done a lot, but there was no way Lan Zhan could know that just by looking at him. But then Lan Zhan reached for Wei Ying’s jaw and grabbed it to turn his head, as if inspecting something on his face. Then he reached up and pulled a stick out of Wei Ying's hair, before looking Wei Ying’s whole body over. He gently reached for his sleeve to pull it up. Wei Ying noticed as he did so that the hoodie was spotted with blood. Lan Zhan carefully pulled the sleeve up to reveal some scrapes on his hand and wrist and then a somewhat deeper gash on his forearm. 

“Oh, um, I got into a fight with a tree,” Wei Ying explained. That much he could be honest about, at least. 

“I will get the first aid kit,” Lan Zhan said as he turned to leave. 

Wei Ying almost laughed. He wasn’t sure what it said about him that Lan Zhan didn’t feel the need to ask any follow up questions to that, but he was grateful for it anyway. He wasn’t in the head space to answer them.

Ten minutes later, Lan Zhan had Wei Ying sitting in the bathroom with his shirt off as he cleaned and bandaged several cuts and scrapes on Wei Ying’s body. Wei Ying knew his badly bruised ribs were on full display, and he saw Lan Zhan’s gaze flick to them a couple of times, but Lan Zhan said nothing else about it. He just worked quietly, and Wei Ying was slow and kind of sedated from the drugs in his system, so he simply slumped over and let him work. Lan Zhan’s hands were so gentle, he barely even felt the sting when Lan Zhan tended to his wounds. 

“I would hate to see what the tree looks like,” Lan Zhan suddenly said as he began to clean yet another cut on Wei Ying’s shoulder, interrupting the silence. 

Wei Ying looked over at him in surprise. Was Lan Zhan cracking a joke? Wei Ying started to laugh, which hurt, so he stopped. 

“Ow, Lan Zhan, don’t make me laugh,” he whined. 

He saw a hint of a smile playing on Lan Zhan’s lips, though it was mixed with a quiet concern. Then, Lan Zhan finished bandaging the cut and gathered his supplies back into his first aid kit. 

“Goodnight, Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said as he stood up to leave. 

“Night,” Wei Ying muttered. He was feeling pretty slow and sleepy from the Xanax so as soon as Lan Zhan left, he stumbled over to his bed and crawled into it.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying’s head was fuzzy when he woke up the next morning. He quickly realized he had no shirt on and he was all bandaged up, but it took him a minute to remember why. Then he remembered the bottle of pills, and his stomach sank. 

He had seriously fucked up. Again. 

Reluctantly, he got out of bed and pulled a shirt on. He had no idea what to do about this situation or how long he had before Lan Zhan found out the pills were missing. At least Wei Ying’s stuff was already mostly packed for when he inevitably got kicked out. 

He wanted to talk to Lan Zhan about it. To come clean before Lan Zhan noticed the bottle missing. He was already halfway down his hallway before he registered the fact that there were voices talking. Then his eyes caught sight of Lan Zhan talking to two men at the front door. Not just two men…

Two police officers. 

Wei Ying ducked back into his room and out of their line of sight. His eyes widened when he heard the officer speak again. 

It wasn’t just any police officer. It was Lan Zhan’s brother, Lan Xichen. 

Lan Xichen happened to be the lead detective of the narcotics unit. Wei Ying knew this because Xichen had led the investigation against the Wens after the Jiangs were murdered. Wei Ying remembered thinking at the time that it was possible they had only known to start investigating the Wens at all because Lan Zhan had recently learned about Wei Ying’s drug dealing and had probably tipped his brother off about what he knew. Still, Wei Ying himself had managed to avoid any charges or investigation until he’d assaulted Wen Chao in front of god and everyone. Even then, he’d been given a very generous plea deal considering what he’d done. 

“Brother,” Lan Xichen sounded exasperated. “Just let us in so we can say we followed the lead. You and I both know you didn’t do this. Why make this difficult?” 

“You cannot enter without a warrant,” Lan Zhan said firmly. It sounded like it was not the first time he had said it. 

“If I may,” the second cop said. Wei Ying recognized it as Meng Yao’s voice, Lan Xichen’s partner. “Surely you understand what this looks like. We did a raid of a major drug supplier and found your prescription pills at the scene. We don’t believe you’re involved, but your brother is just trying to clear you of any wrongdoing and your refusal is concerning.” 

Wei Ying closed his eyes. He was so fucked. 

“My refusal is my constitutional right,” Lan Zhan replied, his voice terse.

Why was Lan Zhan doing this? He should just turn Wei Ying in. He had to have put the pieces together already.

It was silent for a moment. Wei Ying really wished he could see what was happening. If two cops were about to bust in, he would really appreciate a little warning. But eventually, he heard them speak again.

“Very well,” Lan Xichen finally said. Then he sighed. “Uncle wants us to have dinner.”

Silence. 

Then Lan Xichen sighed again. “You’re just as stubborn as he is. Alright, we’re leaving.”

Wei Ying heard them exchange their goodbyes and then he heard the front door shut. Then he heard Lan Zhan’s footsteps, quietly walking away from Wei Ying’s bedroom and towards his own. If footsteps could sound disappointed, these ones definitely did. 

Then he heard Lan Zhan’s bedroom door shut rather firmly, or at least it was loud for Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan was clearly angry.

Wei Ying’s heart sank in his chest. This was the worst thing that could have happened. What was he supposed to do now? He closed his own door and went back to sit on his own bed. He seriously hated himself right now. Why did he always have to fuck everything up for everyone?

First his adoptive family. Then the Wens. Now, Lan Zhan. Wei Ying was such a screw-up. Always getting into trouble, never thinking about the consequences of his actions. His brother had always told him so, and he wasn’t wrong. 

Lan Zhan had been so kind to him. He had opened up his home to Wei Ying when he needed it, and Wei Ying had repaid him by stealing from him and damaging his relationship with his own brother. 

All Wei Ying could think about was the calm that came with sitting next to Lan Zhan. It was almost like a drug of its own. Like the night Lan Zhan read him to sleep. Now, Wei Ying was going to lose that too. He officially had nobody.

He felt too hollowed out to even cry about it. Instead, he pulled out his drawing tablet and his headphones to try and distract himself from how awful this all felt. He wanted to capture that feeling one last time before he had to leave. 

He drew for most of the day until the picture was done. 

He didn’t feel any better having drawn it. He just felt lost. He’d only had Lan Zhan back in his life for a few days, why did the idea of losing him again feel like the world was imploding? Maybe it was because at this point, Lan Zhan was all he had left.

Sighing, Wei Ying decided it was time. He needed to pack everything up and start figuring out where he was going to go next. 

It didn’t take him long to pack. Wen Qing had brought his clothes in a duffel bag, so he simply shoved them all back in. He just had that and his backpack. His whole life fit into two bags. He tried not to think about how depressing that was. 

It was just as he was zipping up his duffel bag that he heard a soft knock on the door. He tensed and closed his eyes. Lan Zhan had good timing, at least. Now Wei Ying had to figure out how to say goodbye. He wasn’t ready for it. His chest ached.

“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan called through the door. 

Wei Ying knew he couldn’t just freeze this moment in time forever, he had to actually respond, but it was just that as soon as he did, he would be out on the street with literally nothing and nobody. He hadn’t felt like that since he was 8 years old and being bounced around in the foster care system, living with foster parents that only took him for the paycheck it gave them until he was more trouble than it was worth, and then kicking him out so that he was on to the next home. The idea of being kicked out by Lan Zhan left him feeling completely frozen. He didn’t want to face this. 

A louder knock. “Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan called again. 

He took a shaky breath and wiped a tear from his eye before it could escape. 

When he still took too long to answer, the door opened and Lan Zhan peered inside at Wei Ying. 

“Can I come in?” Lan Zhan asked through the partially opened door. 

“Yeah,” Wei Ying forced himself to reply.

The door slowly opened the rest of the way, and Lan Zhan stepped inside. His gaze flicked from Wei Ying to the packed bags on the bed, and then back to Wei Ying again. But Wei Ying quickly averted his eyes under Lan Zhan's scrutiny.

“My brother stopped by today,” Lan Zhan started slowly, and Wei Ying closed his eyes again, because yeah. Here it comes. “I am guessing you know that.” 

Wei Ying nodded once. 

Lan Wangji sighed. “I owe you an apology.”. 

Wei Ying frowned at that. What on earth was Lan Zhan apologizing for in this situation? 

“I had forgotten that bottle existed,” Lan Zhan continued before Wei Ying could respond. “I should not have left it there. That was thoughtless of me.” 

Wei Ying didn’t really understand what Lan Zhan meant by that. How on earth could he think this was his fault?

“You do not need to leave,” Lan Zhan said. “My brother is not going to cause problems for you.” 

Finally, Wei Ying met Lan Zhan’s gaze in surprise. 

“You’re not kicking me out?” Wei Ying asked. 

Lan Zhan frowned. “Why would I kick you out?” 

Wei Ying was so lost. Did Lan Zhan truly still not understand what had happened? 

“Because I stole from you?” Wei Ying asked, eyebrows raised. “Because I almost got you arrested? Because I ruined your relationship with your brother?” 

Lan Zhan contemplated that for a moment, before shaking his head. 

“My relationship with my brother has not been good for a while,” he answered. “You have not ruined it.” 

That was shocking to Wei Ying. Back in high school, Lan Zhan and his brother had been really close. Still, Lan Zhan had only responded to the least significant part of what Wei Ying had just said. He didn’t understand why Lan Zhan did not comprehend what Wei Ying had done.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said more firmly. “I stole from you.” 

Lan Zhan stared back at Wei Ying just as determined. “Do you want to get clean?” Lan Zhan asked. 

The question took Wei Ying by surprise and he faltered. He wasn’t sure he actually knew the answer to that. There were times when, yes, he kind of wanted that. But then there were times when it was so much easier to just not care. When he used, it never felt like a hard decision. He just wanted to get high, so he did. 

But then there were the Wens. He could not go home unless he was clean, and he really didn’t want to lose them. And if he could get himself out of this lifestyle, then he could have a relationship with his sister again. Things would probably never be the same with Jiang Cheng, but he could maybe get part of his family back at least.

“Yeah,” Wei Ying finally muttered. He wasn’t so sure he’d have the same answer tomorrow, or even an hour from now, but right now that sounded like something he wanted.

“Then I should not have left pills near you while you are vulnerable,” Lan Zhan insisted. 

Wei Ying shook his head. “That’s not… no. That’s not what happened.”

Lan Zhan was making it sound like Wei Ying had been trying hard to improve himself and Lan Zhan had set a trap. Wei Ying knew that wasn’t true. He’d had his own drugs right here in his backpack and the ability to get more if he wanted, there was no temptation back in Lan Zhan’s bathroom. Wei Ying was just an idiot. Someone who didn’t think things through and always caused trouble for those around him. 

Lan Zhan didn’t seem to care. He was suddenly turning and walking out of the bedroom. 

“Lan Zhan, where are you going?” Wei Ying demanded, following him out. This conversation was not over. 

“You have not eaten anything. I am making dinner,” Lan Zhan answered as though that was a normal thing to do in the middle of a situation like this. 

“I don’t want you to make dinner, I want you to yell at me!” Wei Ying said, exasperated. He only heard how ridiculous that sounded after it came out of his mouth, but Lan Zhan was being just as ridiculous. 

“I do not wish to yell. I am not angry,” Lan Zhan said calmly as he opened the fridge and began to hunt for ingredients. 

It was a weird feeling, to feel like you are begging someone to be mad at you. Wei Ying wasn’t sure why this whole thing was so uncomfortable to him. Maybe he should just be grateful that Lan Zhan was not kicking him out after all. But instead, this complete lack of a reaction left him feeling off-balance and terrified.

Wei Ying did not know how to voice all the things that were going through his head at the moment. Instead, he just turned and went to sit at the table, resigned to this situation for the time being. He did know, on some logical level, that he was the one being completely irrational right now. Lan Zhan was allowed to feel however he felt about this.

But seriously, what the fuck? Why was Lan Zhan being so nice to him all of a sudden? Lan Zhan always seemed like he barely even wanted to talk to Wei Ying, and now he was drawing him baths and cooking him meals and hiding him from the police? It made no sense at all. 

Wei Ying could very clearly remember the first time he met Lan Zhan. It was on his first day at Cloud Recesses Academy, the private school run by Lan Zhan’s uncle. It was student orientation and Lan Zhan wasn’t joining in on the activities, so Wei Ying was just trying to be nice when he grabbed him by the arm and tried to pull him unwillingly into a game, just to be shaken off and glared at for it. Ever since, Lan Zhan had seemed to have it out for Wei Ying. Lan Zhan had seemed to make it his personal mission to rat on Wei Ying as often as possible to get him into trouble. If he caught Wei Ying skipping class, he told his uncle. If he caught Wei Ying drinking on school property, he told his uncle. 

So of course, naturally, Wei Ying accepted this as a personal challenge. Lan Zhan was so quiet and so serious all the time and Wei Ying was determined to make him break. He retaliated by sitting next to him at lunch, even though Lan Zhan always chose to sit at a table by himself and seemed to prefer to eat alone. Wei Ying would crack jokes at him, which Lan Zhan never laughed at, but instead continued to focus on whatever book he was reading or homework he was doing while he pretended Wei Ying wasn’t there. Wei Ying would tease him from across the room by making faces at him in the middle of class, which Lan Zhan studiously ignored. He even started going to the library every day, where Lan Zhan spent free period. He would pretend he was going there to study but instead would just bother Lan Zhan the whole time. 

The first time he successfully made Lan Zhan stop being so serious and actually crack a smile, he had been so excited about it that he had teased Lan Zhan mercilessly, which made Lan Zhan nearly smack Wei Ying with the school project he was working on. Which only made Wei Ying cackle harder, because he had made Lan Zhan smile and break a rule, all in one day! 

Over time, Lan Zhan seemed to resign himself to Wei Ying’s constant harassment. He stopped telling his uncle on him and stopped completely ignoring him at lunch or in the hallways. He instead only ignored him about 50% of the time. And Wei Ying actually started to like spending time with Lan Zhan for more than just the joy of torturing him. He realized Lan Zhan was actually very kind, when Wei Ying wasn’t trying to make him angry and he wasn’t trying to get Wei Ying expelled for it.  And he was smart and easy to be around. It developed into a very unusual friendship.

Until Wei Ying started getting involved with drugs. When Lan Zhan found out, their friendship became strained again. Lan Zhan was very disapproving, and Wei Ying hated the constant lectures, and they fought about it. A lot. 

Which was why this was so weird. How had they gone from that, to this? 

Eventually, Lan Zhan came over to the table as well, placing a bowl of some kind of soup in front of Wei Ying and then sitting beside him with his own bowl. Wei Ying stared at it. He should be starving. Lan Zhan was right, he had not eaten all day. But for some reason, the sight and smell of food made him nauseous. He picked up a spoonful anyway, not wanting to be rude, but as he brought it closer to his mouth, he couldn’t bring himself to eat it. He felt like he would be sick if he did. He put the spoon back in the bowl.

Lan Zhan was watching him, so Wei Ying gave him a half-hearted smile. There was a tension in the room that Wei Ying did not know how to navigate. Lan Zhan claimed he wasn’t angry, but Wei Ying didn’t see how he could not be. And even if he really wasn’t, Wei Ying didn’t know what to say now. 

“Why did you even have Xanax?” was what he ended up blurting out. Which was definitely not an appropriate question.

Lan Zhan seemed to tense at the question. It made Wei Ying regret asking, but it was already out there.

“There was an incident. Xichen made me see a psychiatrist,” he finally answered.

Wei Ying refrained from asking what kind of incident, even though he really wanted to know. He wondered if it was related to Lan Zhan’s apparently strained relationship with his brother. But if Lan Zhan had wanted to elaborate, he would have. Wei Ying shouldn’t be prying in the first place. 

“Do you not like the soup?” Lan Zhan changed the subject. 

Wei Ying grimaced. He felt guilty for not eating. Lan Zhan had gone to all this trouble. He just didn’t feel good at all. Maybe it was all the anxiety of everything that had happened today that was getting to him.

“I’m just not hungry,” he mumbled. “Sorry.” 

Lan Zhan stared at him for a moment with a look that seemed too knowing. 

“I will save it then,” he said, standing up to take Wei Ying’s bowl. “You should rest.” 

Wei Ying nodded, because yeah, that sounded good. He was at least eager to get out of this tense conversation. He stood up too and walked back to his bedroom, collapsing into the bed as soon as he got there. He was tired, but he still could not shut his brain off. He couldn't process everything that was happening lately. It was all too much. 

He failed to fall asleep, and then he started shivering again only a couple of hours later. It still hurt like hell on his ribs too. Why on earth did Lan Zhan keep his apartment so cold at night? 

Annoyed, Wei Ying hauled himself out of bed in search of the thermostat. When he couldn’t find it, he instead made his way to Lan Zhan’s room. Lan Zhan was sitting up in bed reading again, and looked up when Wei Ying appeared in the doorway. 

Wei Ying stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, shivering and miserable. Lan Zhan said nothing, he just opened up the covers on the other side of his bed. The second blanket was still there from when Wei Ying had slept there two nights ago. 

Wei Ying didn’t question it, he was too miserable from the cold and the pain. So he went over and crawled into the other side of Lan Zhan’s bed again, under the two blankets, and as close to Lan Zhan’s body heat as he could respectfully get without full on cuddling him again. 

Lan Zhan simply went back to reading, out loud this time. Once again, Wei Ying let the sound of Lan Zhan’s voice guide him to sleep.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying woke up feeling awful. He must be coming down with something. The flu, maybe. Because his whole body ached and his head hurt and he felt absolutely miserable. And he hadn't done any drugs last night, so he couldn't even blame it on that.

He looked at the clock and groaned. He was supposed to open the diner this morning and he had slept straight through it. Lan Zhan was, once again, not in bed beside him. Because Lan Zhan was responsible and wasn’t getting fired today, unlike Wei Ying.

On top of feeling sick, he felt completely unmotivated to actually care about the fact that he’d probably lost his job. It didn’t really matter. He’d already lost everything else. 

So he just laid there in bed, not wanting to move, for at least another hour. Maybe two. He might have dozed in and out of sleep a couple more times. Eventually though, Wei Ying reluctantly hauled himself out of Lan Zhan’s bed and out to the living area. He still wasn’t feeling hungry at all, so he bypassed the kitchen and went back to his room to get some clean clothes and take a shower. It took him a while of just standing in the bathroom with the water running before he convinced himself to take his clothes off and actually get in the shower. He felt dizzy. Then, once he was in the shower, his legs felt shaky, so he ended up just sitting on the shower floor with hot water pouring down his back. 

At some point, he forced himself to get back out of the shower and pulled some clothes on. Then he checked his phone. Sure enough, he had several missed calls and angry texts from his boss asking him where he was this morning, followed by a text telling him not to bother coming in for any more shifts. Wei Ying sighed. Now he would need to go job hunting. He felt like such a fuck up. 

He was so distracted by how terrible he felt that he almost didn’t notice he had one other missed call. Once Wei Ying saw it, his heart nearly stopped. 

Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have called unless it was something big. What if he was calling with bad news about Yanli? There was still that threat from Xue Yang hanging over everything, after all. 

Immediately, he dialed Jiang Cheng’s number. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jiang Cheng answered on the second ring. 

Wei Ying wasn’t sure where to begin with responding to that, so he didn’t. “Is everything okay?” he asked instead.

“You tell me,” Jiang Cheng responded angrily. “You want to know who showed up at the house yesterday? The fucking police. Asking for you. Then I got a call from your boss this morning telling me you didn’t show up today. Now Yanli’s freaking out, so I tried to call you to reassure her you’re okay, but you didn’t answer your phone, so I had to cancel my morning plans to go find you. I went all the way to the Bronx just to be told that you don’t even live there anymore.”

Wei Ying rubbed his eyes. Jiang Cheng’s loud voice was grating on his already hurting head. He realized two things from what Jiang Cheng said. The first, was that Xichen clearly had already made the connection between Wei Ying and Lan Zhan’s stolen pills, if they were asking around about him. And the second, was that he must have never changed his emergency contact at work.

“Sorry for ruining your morning,” he muttered. 

“Tell me, was it worth it?” Jiang Cheng asked. “Giving away everything to the Wens and throwing your whole life away just to have them kick you out?”

Wei Ying took a deep breath. His head hurt so bad.  

“I really can’t do this today, Jiang Cheng.”

“Yeah, you never can,” Jiang Cheng grumbled. 

Maybe it’s because he already felt like shit, but he didn’t have the patience he normally had for his brother’s antics. Something in Wei Ying snapped. 

“What do you want me to say?” Wei Ying asked. “That you were right about me? Fine. You were right. I’ve fucked everything up. I am a fucking trainwreck. Does that make you happy?” 

Jiang Cheng was silent for a long moment. 

“Where are you right now?” Jiang Cheng finally asked instead of answering the question.

“Why?” Wei Ying asked. “Are you asking, or the cops?”

He heard Jiang Cheng huff in exasperation on the other end. “Are you serious?” Jiang Cheng hissed. “No, you idiot. I’m asking so I can come see you in person and at least reassure Yanli you’re in one piece. She’s been inconsolable since I couldn’t find you this morning.”  

Wei Ying exhaled to try and calm himself down. He hated to worry his sister. 

Still, Wei Ying wasn’t sure he could handle a face-to-face with Jiang Cheng. He also wasn’t sure he could bring himself to say no. What he was sure of was that he couldn’t tell Jiang Cheng he was staying with Lan Zhan. Apparently the police were already asking around about him and he was not about to implicate Lan Zhan any further. So he gave Jiang Cheng the address of a cafe instead. 

“I’ll be there in an hour,” Wei Ying said. 

Jiang Cheng didn’t say anything else, he just hung up the phone. Wei Ying assumed that meant he would meet him there. So Wei Ying went back into the bathroom. He still felt horrid, but he tried to run a comb through his hair before he pulled it back to at least make himself somewhat presentable. Then he headed out the door and towards the subway. 

Almost exactly an hour later, he found himself entering the Bronx coffee shop. It was freezing cold outside but he didn’t have any money to buy himself a coffee, so despite the glare from the employee at the register, he just sat at a corner table and waited to see if Jiang Cheng would actually show up. He wasn’t sure if he was more nervous that he would or that he wouldn’t. It had been a long time since he’d seen his brother. His stomach was in knots over it. 

Still, a small part of him felt hopeful about it. If Jiang Cheng was willing to meet him, maybe that meant there was a chance to rebuild that relationship.

Jiang Cheng did arrive, about five excruciating minutes later. The bell above the cafe door jingled and he walked in, looking very out of place in his purple designer business suit. Wei Ying saw him scowl as he surveyed the coffee shop, and then his eyes landed on Wei Ying. The scowl did not leave his face, but he did roll his eyes and then go up to the counter and order two coffees, bringing them back to the table with him and placing one in front of Wei Ying. 

Wei Ying murmured a thanks and reached for the mug, curling his shivering hands around its warmth and taking a sip.

"You look like shit," Jiang Cheng said as he sat down, looking Wei Ying up and down. 

"Thank you," Wei Ying answered sarcastically, doing his best to put on a humorous smile, though it felt a bit flat. He felt very awkward. He didn’t know what they were supposed to talk about. What do you even say to your brother that you haven’t spoken to in years because you got your family killed?

Luckily, Jiang Cheng didn’t seem to have any hesitation in getting straight to the point. 

“So what kind of mess did you get yourself into this time?” Jiang Cheng asked in his typical annoyed tone.

Wei Ying did not actually want to tell Jiang Cheng what was going on. What was he supposed to say? I got so high that I lost my mind, was kicked out of my apartment, moved in with Lan Zhan and stole his pills, then left the bottle at a drug bust. Oh, and also Xue Yang threatened Yanli but I have no idea what I did to piss him off.  None of that was a good opener.

“I’m fine, thanks for asking,” Wei Ying said instead. He couldn’t help the agitation that bled through. Wei Ying really didn’t feel good and he was not in the mood for any of this. He just wanted to be back in Lan Zhan’s bed, being read to sleep again. He realized that that was a weird thought to have, but was it any weirder than the fact that it had actually happened?

Jiang Cheng glared back at him. “You’re not fine, you’re strung out,” he accused. 

Wei Ying scoffed. “I’m not strung out.” 

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Jiang Cheng challenged, eyebrows raised. 

Wei Ying knew better than to take the bait of answering that question. “I haven’t used anything, actually,” he argued instead. “I’m… trying to get clean.” 

His anger wavered slightly at the end of his statement. The revelation felt oddly vulnerable. Saying it out loud like that meant he had to admit that he had a problem in the first place, which, if you’d asked him a couple days ago, he would have insisted that he had everything under control. 

Jiang Cheng paused in what appeared to be genuine surprise. But a moment later, his face hardened again. 

“Right,” he said angrily. “We’ll see how long that lasts.” 

Wei Ying tensed further. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I know you,” Jiang Cheng spat. “You couldn’t stop even after you got my parents killed. Why the hell would I believe you’re going to stop now?” 

Wei Ying froze. He stared at Jiang Cheng in shock. He had no idea how to respond to that. Then, slowly, Wei Ying just nodded, as if trying to get himself to accept what had just happened.

“Thanks for the coffee,” he mumbled as he stood up. “Tell Yanli I’m…” Wei Ying was going to say fine but he trailed off, because nothing about that sentence actually felt true at the moment. He just shook his head.

Jiang Cheng looked stiff and slightly pale, as if even he was stunned that he had actually said that out loud, but he didn’t take it back or say anything at all as Wei Ying gave him one last glance before walking away and leaving the cafe. 

Wei Ying felt numb. He walked back to the subway, rode the train, and then walked to Lan Zhan’s apartment in a complete daze. He barely even registered his surroundings. 

It wasn’t until he was inside the apartment that he allowed himself to really think about what Jiang Cheng had said. 

The thing was, it wasn’t the first time Jiang Cheng had blamed Wei Ying for the death of the Jiangs. He’d said something similar shortly after he found out what had really happened to them. It wasn’t really the accusation that bothered Wei Ying, either. Of course Wei Ying felt horrible about it. It was something that would haunt him until the day he died. But it wasn’t a new feeling.

What was new was small, and stupid, but it cut deep. Even after you got my parents killed. Jiang Cheng had not said “our parents.” He had said “my parents.” Jiang Cheng did not even consider Wei Ying to be family anymore. That should not have been all that shocking, considering he’d been kicked out and cut off for years, but it was not something he’d considered. That he had been officially disowned.

Tears suddenly pricked at his eyes and his chest felt tight. 

Maybe Jiang Cheng was right. Maybe Wei Ying couldn’t become a better person. Because all he wanted to do right now was get really fucking high and make this feeling go away.

“Wei Ying?” 

Wei Ying jumped at the sound of Lan Zhan’s voice. He looked up to see Lan Zhan had come out of his bedroom and was looking at him. 

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying tried to plaster on a smile. “I didn’t know you were home!” 

“What’s wrong?” Lan Zhan asked, apparently seeing right through Wei Ying’s pathetic attempt.

Still, Wei Ying didn’t want to talk about it. Luckily, he was saved by the sound of his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out, grateful for the escape from this conversation. 

Only to realize he was not saved at all. Jiang Cheng was calling him again. Wei Ying absolutely couldn’t handle that right now. His chest tightened even further. Everything hurt so much, he just… 

He turned his phone off. He looked back up at Lan Zhan. 

“What?” he asked, blinking at Lan Zhan. He’d forgotten what they’d been talking about. 

Lan Zhan was really staring at him now, and Wei Ying couldn’t fake it anymore. Not that he’d been doing a great job in the first place. He shook his head and looked away from Lan Zhan’s prying gaze.

“It’s nothing, it’s just, I saw my… uh, I saw Jiang Cheng today,” he muttered. He realized mid-sentence that he wasn’t allowed to call him a brother anymore, and that realization made his eyes fill with tears again. God, he just wanted to get high. 

He was not sure when Lan Zhan had closed the gap between them, but suddenly he felt himself being pulled into a hug. Lan Zhan, who hated to be touched, was hugging him. The spontaneous gesture cracked whatever resolve he had left, and suddenly tears spilled over. He buried his face into Lan Zhan’s shoulder. 

Lan Zhan just held him like that as he broke, his tears embarrassingly soaking into Lan Zhan’s shirt. Eventually, Wei Ying managed to compose himself enough to pull away, and Lan Zhan put a hand on his back and led him over to the couch. Wei Ying sat on it and pulled his feet up and curled himself into a ball, leaning against the back of the couch. He felt so miserable.

Lan Zhan didn’t say anything, he just turned and went to the kitchen. Wei Ying heard him start the kettle to make tea, giving Wei Ying more of a chance to collect himself. Eventually, he came back with two mugs and handed one to Wei Ying. Then he sat back down and looked at Wei Ying, clearly waiting for him to talk.

“I lost my job,” Wei Ying muttered. That seemed like a safer topic to talk about. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to pay rent this month.” 

Lan Zhan raised his eyebrows slightly at him. “What rent?” he asked. 

Wei Ying glanced at him, confused. “For my apartment?” 

Lan Zhan looked just as confused. “You are not even living there.” 

Wei Ying smirked humorlessly, because he did not need to be reminded of all the things he had screwed up. “As soon as I’m clean I get to go home. And they’ll still need me to pay my share. They can’t afford it by themselves.” 

Lan Zhan frowned. “Wei Ying,” he said slowly. “It is not your responsibility to take care of them.” 

Wei Ying tensed, because now Lan Zhan was sounding like Jiang Cheng and he did not want to hear this lecture again. 

“I’m so tired of being judged by people like you who grew up with everything. You’re a Lan. You have no idea what it’s like to grow up hungry or on the streets. I won’t let that happen to Yuan,” Wei Ying argued.

Maybe that was too harsh, because Lan Zhan looked caught off guard. But after he recovered from the shock, he also seemed to sense that this was a dangerous subject, because he dropped the issue.

“Our music librarian is looking for someone to transcribe our archive of old recordings,” he said instead. 

Wei Ying smiled slightly at the idea. Once upon a time, Wei Ying thought music was going to be his career, like it is for Lan Zhan. Back in high school, he and Lan Zhan were even the two top contenders for a prestigious Julliard program their senior year, before everything fell apart for Wei Ying. But now, it seemed too good to be true.

“Don’t you need a college degree to work in a pretentious music school library?” he asked. Then he muttered, “or at least a high school one.” 

Lan Zhan ignored both the dig at his school and Wei Ying’s self-deprecation. “Employees also receive free tuition to enroll a student,” he said. Then he looked intently at Wei Ying. “We are a pre-K through 12th grade program.” 

Wei Ying’s eyes widened at the idea. Yuan getting an opportunity like that would change everything. 

“I will get you an interview,” Lan Zhan said, apparently taking Wei Ying’s expression as an agreement. 

Wei Ying didn’t even know what to say. He just nodded. “Thanks,” he murmured quietly. 

He felt slightly calmer, knowing he had a plan, and he couldn’t believe Lan Zhan was being so patient and kind to him, even after he had just snapped at him. Something about Lan Zhan being here with him just made Wei Ying feel so safe. It even slightly lessened the ache of his fight with Jiang Cheng.

Wei Ying still felt like he was coming down with something. He was achy and dizzy and his head really hurt. He also felt completely emotionally exhausted and not up for more conversation. So he changed the subject and asked about the TV that Lan Zhan had in his living room but never seemed to use. Lan Zhan hunted down a remote for him. Then Wei Ying turned on some terrible reality TV show so that he could just lay down and numb his mind for a while. 

Lan Zhan sat and watched with him, a cute little frown of judgment on his face most of the time. Wei Ying was not sure Lan Zhan had ever been exposed to the debauchery that was reality TV before, and it was amusing to see him watching it so intently. 

Eventually, Lan Zhan got up. He came back about 20 minutes later with a tray that he set down in front of Wei Ying. It had a bowl of soup and a glass of water and, because he was apparently a mind reader, two Tylenol. Wei Ying managed a grateful smile and forced himself to eat the soup, even though he wasn’t really hungry. He knew he hadn’t eaten in like two days. 

Still, after he had finished he felt kind of sick. He also started to feel really cold again, though this time he realized that maybe it wasn’t Lan Zhan’s apartment that was cold, since Lan Zhan never seemed affected by it. It must be this flu he was fighting. 

Before he could even say anything, Lan Zhan seemed to be one step ahead. He was already getting up and then coming back with a giant blanket. As Wei Ying wrapped himself up in it, Lan Zhan grabbed one of the couch cushions and propped it against his own leg, guiding Wei Ying to lay down on it. Then Lan Zhan draped an arm over Wei Ying’s wrapped up burrito of a body and his other hand smoothed back some of Wei Ying’s hair. 

Wei Ying might have been slightly delirious from how awful he felt, but he didn’t even question the fact that his head was basically in Lan Zhan’s lap and Lan Zhan was carding his fingers through Wei Ying’s hair and this was not how friends normally watched TV together. It was just so comforting, and he was so tired. 

It wasn’t until a couple hours later, after Wei Ying had suddenly started to feel ten times worse, that Lan Zhan actually pointed out the obvious. He was shivering on the couch, and he couldn’t lie down anymore because he felt nauseous, so he sat up and curled his knees to his chest. Lan Zhan glanced at him, then stood up and went to the kitchen.

“Here,” Lan Zhan said as he came back and handed Wei Ying another mug of tea. Ginger, this time. “It will help with the nausea.” 

Wei Ying’s whole body hurt. He accepted the tea with shaky hands but could only manage a sip. 

“Wen Qing has informed me that the withdrawal from yin can last several days,” Lan Zhan said. “But that it gets much worse at the end, as the last of it leaves your system.”

Wei Ying tensed. He knew Lan Zhan already knew about his drug use, but at the mention of yin specifically, he felt caught all over again. He had never mentioned what he had taken, and yet Lan Zhan said it with such certainty. He resented the fact that Lan Zhan and Wen Qing were still talking about him, and he resented the accusation that he was in withdrawal. 

Though, he knew as soon as Lan Zhan said it that it was true. He hadn’t considered it, since he’d only used a few pillss, but it wasn’t the first time he’d been through yin withdrawal. Wen Qing would know all about it, having been the one to take care of him the first time after he nearly overdosed. She had probably told Lan Zhan more than Wei Ying would have wanted him to know about his past drug experiences. Which meant there was no use in denying now.  

Mostly, though, he hated the fact that his first thought upon realizing that this was withdrawal was that he still had one yin pill in his backpack, and that he could just take it and make this misery go away. Especially because, if he remembered correctly from the last time, there was still more hell to come. It was true that it got way worse at the tail end, which meant he was in for a long night.  

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying whined. He didn’t even know what he was asking for, he was just dreading the idea of it. 

Lan Zhan took the mug back, setting it down on the coffee table as he reached down to help Wei Ying stand up, then putting an arm around Wei Ying’s back to support him. He started to lead Wei Ying to bed.

Wei Ying did some quick considerations in his head. Lan Zhan was going to leave him in his bed to detox, with a dose of yin in arm’s reach. He knew he didn’t have that kind of willpower. He also wasn’t about to tell Lan Zhan about his stash of drugs. If anything, he could still sell them. That was at least a few hundred dollars worth. 

So there was only one solution.

“I like your bed better,” he whined, fully aware that he sounded (and probably was) slightly delirious from this detox.

He didn’t actually think that was going to work, but surprisingly, Lan Zhan just sighed and shifted their direction towards his own bedroom. Wei Ying huffed out a laugh to himself. Who would have thought back in high school, when Wei Ying was doing everything in his power just to try and make Lan Zhan crack a single smile for him, that someday they would end up in this situation?

“What is funny?” Lan Zhan asked as he guided Wei Ying onto the bed and under the covers. 

“I’m just thinking about how much you hated me in high school,” Wei Ying answered. “I never thought that someday I would convince you to sleep with me,” he added with an exhausted but teasing smile.

Lan Zhan stared at him for a moment, but then seemed to decide that Wei Ying was in fact delirious, because he said nothing. He just stood up and went to dim the lights before quietly getting into the other side of the bed. His lack of a reaction made Wei Ying smirk. That was the Lan Zhan he was used to. 

The amusement didn’t last long. Soon enough, Wei Ying was drifting into sleep. Then he was suddenly awake again, curled up in pain as his bones started to ache even worse. It was going to be a really long night. Wei Ying eventually found the energy to roll over and found that Lan Zhan was already asleep, not that there was anything Lan Zhan could do to make this pain go away anyway.

There was something that could, though…

Wei Ying knew it was a terrible idea. He tried to shove the thought out of his mind. Taking his last yin pill would only prolong this, because he’d just have to start the withdrawal all over again. And he was supposed to be getting clean so he could do a job interview at the music school to give Yuan a future. 

It didn’t matter. All he could think about was that small black pill sitting in his backpack just down the hall. Everything hurt. 

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying quietly mumbled.

Lan Zhan didn’t stir. Wei Ying curled up tighter. He tried to breathe through it. But then all of the muscles in his body seemed to seize up and he groaned.

That woke Lan Zhan up. “Wei Ying?” he asked, gently rolling over to look at him.  

Wei Ying couldn’t believe he was actually doing this, but if he didn’t, he would not have the willpower to do it for much longer.

“There’s yin, in my backpack,” Wei Ying muttered without uncurling himself or looking at Lan Zhan. “I need you to get rid of it.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t say anything, which Wei Ying was grateful for. He just got up and quietly left the room. Even so, Wei Ying felt pathetic. He wondered what Lan Zhan was thinking, as he searched Wei Ying’s bag and found the stash of drugs that Wei Ying had been holding onto this whole time. The worst part was, part of him regretted saying anything and wanted to go chasing after Lan Zhan to beg him to give the drugs back. 

When Lan Zhan returned, he still said nothing. He just got back into bed and settled back down. But Wei Ying felt a tension between them now. He wasn’t sure if it was just in his imagination or not, but it was anxiety-inducing. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. 

“There is no need,” Lan Zhan replied. 

Wei Ying didn’t really believe him, but he didn’t push it. He was in too much pain. He just swallowed, trying his best to ignore the way his whole body trembled and hurt. 

Then, he felt Lan Zhan’s hand taking his wrist. Wei Ying wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he just used a finger and his thumb to squeeze Wei Ying’s wrist and all of a sudden the pain lightened to something just a bit more tolerable. 

“Lan Zhan, how did you do that?”  

“Acupressure,” Lan Zhan answered, his hand moving down slightly to squeeze another spot on Wei Ying’s hand. 

If Wei Ying had any energy, he would have shook his head in disbelief. Leave it to Lan Zhan to know freaking Chinese medicine. 

“You probably do yoga too, don’t you?” he mumbled in a half-hearted tease. 

“Every morning,” Lan Zhan answered seriously, and that made Wei Ying smile slightly despite his pain. Of course he did. 

It broke the tension, at least. It had been a ridiculously long day, and he relaxed into the sensation of Lan Zhan doing whatever he was doing to his hand, before succumbing to sleep again.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying woke up late enough that Lan Zhan was already gone again, but he felt better than he had felt in days. A slight heaviness still weighed on him from his fight with Jiang Cheng, and his ribs were still sore, but it was also like a fog had been lifted. His head didn’t hurt. He wasn’t so depressed that he didn’t want to move. He actually had some energy back. Especially once he showered and ate, because today he actually had an appetite. 

He used this sudden burst of energy to take advantage of the fact that Lan Zhan had a laundry machine in his apartment. Considering all of the other crazy amenities of this place, that should not be a huge deal, but it was a luxury for Wei Ying who was used to having to collect quarters and lug his laundry several blocks. So of course he had to take advantage of this penthouse lifestyle while he had the chance. 

After all, he was clean now, which meant he was going home soon. Part of him actually felt kind of sad about that, but another part of him missed Yuan a lot and was eager to get back to his life. Plus, he knew he was overstaying his welcome here. 

Wei Ying only had his duffel bag of clothes, and to be honest, he wasn’t even sure what was really clean before Wen Qing packed it, so he just borrowed a shirt and some shorts from Lan Zhan and dumped everything he owned in the wash. He grinned as he used some of Lan Zhan’s detergent, because now all of his clothes were going to smell as good as Lan Zhan’s clothes do, and he really loved that smell.

While he waited for the laundry to finish, he found himself wandering over to the piano in the corner of Lan Zhan’s living room. Piano had always been Lan Zhan’s thing. Wei Ying’s primary musical study had been in singing and in composing. But along with several other instruments, he had taken piano lessons once the Jiangs took him in, enough to get by even if it paled in comparison to how Lan Zhan sounded when he played. Now he found himself sitting at the piano, absent-mindedly plucking out a few scales. 

He smiled to himself as he thought about what it would mean if he could get this job at Lan Zhan’s school. They never could afford daycare, but if Yuan could enroll in pre-school, Wen Ning could work too, and with an additional income maybe they wouldn’t all be constantly fearing eviction all the time. Plus, the opportunities for Yuan would be something Wei Ying never dreamed possible for him. A private education at a prestigious performing arts school. 

The job wasn’t guaranteed, of course. Lan Zhan had only said he would get him an interview. Wei Ying still failed to see how he could get hired when he didn’t even have a high school degree of his own. Still, it was a nice idea. 

His playing shifted from scales to a few soft chords. It had been a long time since he’d touched anything music related. He didn’t exactly have access to any expensive musical instruments once he was kicked out of the Jiang house. He’d still occasionally sing in the shower, but it was a different feeling to be able to really sink into music again. 

He was just improvising, but his fingers started to find a slow, somewhat melancholy melody. It was so cathartic to just be able to play like this and find an outlet for all the chaos in his head. He got lost in it for a while, only stopping when the laundry machine buzzed to indicate his clothes needed to be moved to the dryer. He stopped playing and turned around and - 

Wei Ying jumped. Lan Zhan was just sitting there on the couch. How did he move so quietly all the time?

“Lan Zhan! How long have you been sitting there?” 

“Not long,” Lan Zhan answered. “It’s nice to hear you play.” 

Wei Ying felt a heat rise to his cheeks. He had not expected anyone to be listening. He awkwardly cleared his throat and tried to change the subject. 

“Why are you home so early? Do you only ever work like 2 hours a day?” he asked. 

Lan Zhan stared at him with a slightly raised eyebrow. “It is 4 pm. Just because you slept through the day does not mean it did not happen.”

Wei Ying smiled, because Lan Zhan had not been snarky with him at all since their reunion in the Bronx and Wei Ying had missed it. Lan Zhan being nice and supportive was great and all, but it was nice to know that this version of Lan Zhan was still there. 

“Ah, Lan Zhan, what else am I supposed to do besides sleep in? I have no job and your apartment is so boring,” he teased. He stood up to go and put his laundry in the dryer. “Besides, look! I did laundry! I’ve been very productive today!” 

“That reminds me, you have a job interview tomorrow,” Lan Zhan said.

Wei Ying’s eyes widened slightly. “Tomorrow. That’s… okay. Yeah.” 

He was not expecting it to be that fast. He was glad he was getting his laundry done, then. Though, come to think of it, even though he would now have clean clothes, he didn’t really have anything nice to wear. He didn’t even own a button-up shirt these days, let alone a tie or some slacks. His wardrobe consisted of t-shirts, hoodies, and jeans. Most of which had holes in them. 

He could ask to borrow something from Lan Zhan, he was already wearing his clothes anyway. Except Lan Zhan was bigger than he was. Wei Ying was very skinny these days. It didn’t matter too much for t-shirts and shorts, but business clothes would certainly look bad if they were too baggy. 

“Hey, uh… Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying asked hesitantly. 

“Hm?” Lan Zhan hummed. 

“I don’t have anything to wear. Do you think I could borrow some money to buy a nicer outfit? I will pay you back as soon as I actually have a job again.” 

So that’s how they ended up in Lan Zhan’s car, driving to a shopping mall together. Lan Zhan had refused Wei Ying’s offer to pay him back, though, insisting the outfit would be a gift. Wei Ying had tried to argue, but Lan Zhan was apparently very stubborn about this, so eventually Wei Ying conceded. 

Once they were in a store, Wei Ying headed for the clearance section. Just because Lan Zhan was paying didn’t mean he was going to take advantage of him. Lan Zhan wandered off to browse the rest of the store. 

He sorted through the limited options. It didn’t really matter what he wore as long as it was professional, but none of these things were Wei Ying’s style at all. Back when he had money, Wei Ying loved fashion. He loved wearing colorful and eye-catching outfits. All of these items were so boring and most of them weren’t even in his size.

“Here,” Lan Zhan suddenly said from behind him. Wei Ying turned and Lan Zhan shoved several items at him. “Try these on.” 

Wei Ying blinked, and then laughed. Lan Zhan had picked out a shirt, a jacket, and pants, all in multiple sizes for Wei Ying to try on. They were very nice. Lan Zhan always wore high-end clothing, but his style was usually very simple. Cardigans over plain shirts, sweater vests over button ups, khakis, etc. Wei Ying used to always tell him he dressed like an old man. 

But these clothes were patterned and form-fitting and sharp, definitely something Wei Ying would wear if he could still afford clothes like this.

“Lan Zhan, these are too expensive,” he tried to insist, but Lan Zhan just glared at him. 

So Wei Ying sighed and humored him by taking the ones that he knew were in his size and heading for the fitting room. 

He put them on and looked in the mirror. The outfit was nice. He missed dressing up like this. 

“What do you think?” he asked as he opened the stall door and posed against it.

Lan Zhan was sitting on the bench and looked up as he came out of the fitting room stall, but it took him a moment to reply. If this was anyone but Lan Zhan and Wei Ying didn’t know better, he would have even said that Lan Zhan was checking him out from the way his eyes briefly flicked down Wei Ying’s body. But this was Lan Zhan and Wei Ying did know better. He was probably just being thorough in making sure the clothes fit, since Lan Zhan was weirdly perfectionist like that. 

“It looks good,” Lan Zhan eventually said, as solemn as ever.

Wei Ying grinned. “Okay, we’ll go with this one, then!” he said as he went back into the stall to change again. 

When he came out, he was confronted with several more items being shoved at him, all in his size this time. 

“You said that outfit looked good,” Wei Ying pouted. “Did you not like it?”

“If you get the job, you will need more than one outfit,” Lan Zhan replied. 

Wei Ying opened his mouth to argue with Lan Zhan, but Lan Zhan wasn’t wrong in his logic. He closed his mouth again. Thought for a minute, then tried again. 

“I am not going to let you buy me a whole new wardrobe, Lan Zhan. You have to let me pay you back for some of this.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t argue with him. He just didn’t respond at all and held the clothes out insistently. Wei Ying sighed. He took the clothes and went back into the changing stall. They would figure out the money part later, once Wei Ying actually had money.

Lan Zhan made him shop at two more stores after the first one. Then Lan Zhan insisted on buying dinner at one of the most expensive restaurants in the mall, which, okay, Wei Ying was starving and the meal he ordered ended up being delicious, but Lan Zhan insisted on such a nice restaurant whereas Wei Ying really would have been fine with the food court. Lan Zhan also insisted that he get dessert, but Wei Ying felt bad about how much money Lan Zhan had already spent on him, so he made them share a dessert instead. Lan Zhan didn’t even eat sweets, but humored Wei Ying by taking exactly two small bites of said “shared” dessert. After dinner, Lan Zhan reminded Wei Ying that he would need shoes to go with all of his outfits, so it was off to a shoe store next. Then Lan Zhan started to wander over to a jewelry shop to look at men’s watches and that’s when Wei Ying finally drew the line. 

Nearly three hours later, they walked out of the mall with several bags in Lan Zhan’s hands. Despite all of Wei Ying’s protesting about the money, it was a fun outing. Things felt lighter for Wei Ying today than they had in a long time. It was nice to just hang out with Lan Zhan, and to feel excited about this potential new job. But Lan Zhan wouldn’t even show Wei Ying the receipts or the restaurant bill, and Wei Ying was pretty sure that even if he got this job, it was going to take him many paychecks to pay Lan Zhan back for all of this. Which he still fully intended on doing. So eventually he had to put a stop to this madness and actually put his foot down for real. 

As they walked to the parking garage, Wei Ying looked over at Lan Zhan and smiled at the sight of him, quietly carrying the shopping bags full of clothes that he wouldn’t even let Wei Ying carry. He didn’t really understand why Lan Zhan had suddenly become so insistent on doing so much for Wei Ying, but he felt warmed by it. 

Today felt like a good day. Wei Ying was clean, and proud of himself for it. And he was nervous, but excited for this job interview tomorrow. He felt hopeful about his future, possibly for the first time in years. 

At home, they hung Wei Ying’s clothes up and then he forced Lan Zhan to watch another reality TV show, because it turns out, the only thing more entertaining than manufactured drama was watching Lan Zhan watch said drama in complete confusion. 

Back in high school, Wei Ying had learned that Lan Zhan was raised pretty strictly and was very sheltered from normal social experiences. Lan Zhan didn’t even have a TV when they were kids, and before Wei Ying moved in, it seemed like he never even watched the one he had now. He had not even known where the remote was when Wei Ying first asked for it. Plus, Wei Ying had actually been to Lan Zhan’s uncle’s house once. He had gone over to work on a school project and then Xichen invited him to stay for dinner. Nobody spoke for the entire meal. It was weird.

So if you take that kind of upbringing and compare it to reality TV where they turn the drama up to an 11, Wei Ying was pretty sure that Lan Zhan was completely mortified. It was highly entertaining to watch. 

Plus, Wei Ying was a little reluctant to end the evening. It had just been so great, and he was not ready to go back to thinking about all the things that still weren’t great. Like what Jiang Cheng had said to him yesterday (he still hadn’t even turned his phone back on after ignoring Jiang Cheng’s call and he was afraid to do so and see what other kind of hurtful messages he might have left). Then there was still the threat Xue Yang had made. And the fact that the cops were investigating him. Not to mention he’d really only been clean for a couple days, and part of him… 

Nope. Wei Ying wasn’t going to think about any of it. 

“Wei Ying?” 

Wei Ying looked over. Lan Zhan was no longer watching the show, he was watching Wei Ying with a frown of concern. Because apparently Wei Ying’s face had given away that fact that he was, in fact, thinking about these things. 

“Are you alright?” Lan Zhan asked.

He smiled at Lan Zhan. “Fine, fine,” he said, waving a hand as if he was shooing Lan Zhan’s concern away. “Just zoning out.”

Lan Zhan didn’t seem to believe him. “If you do not want to be alone, you are welcome to stay with me again tonight,” Lan Zhan said, in a very sincere and overly concerned tone. It was a tone that meant that Wei Ying’s uncertainty must have been clearly plastered on his face, and the comment completely ruined the not-going-to-think-about-it vibe that Wei Ying was going for.

Wei Ying rolled his eyes in response. Lan Zhan clearly seemed to think Wei Ying was going to go right back to using drugs, but he didn’t even have any and getting his hands on some would require turning on the phone he was avoiding, so unless there were more surprise Xanax bottles lying around, Lan Zhan did not have to be so worried about him tonight. 

“I am perfectly capable of sleeping alone, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying argued. “I only slept in your room because your bed is more comfortable than mine.” 

Lan Zhan hummed in a way that showed he saw right through Wei Ying, but wasn’t going to argue about it. 

“Regardless,” Lan Zhan said, turning back to the TV.

Wei Ying rolled his eyes again. He really didn’t want this fun evening to turn into anything serious. He just wanted to stay in the joy of it a little bit longer. 

Still, when the episode ended and Lan Zhan stood up to go to bed, Wei Ying couldn’t help but feel a pit develop in his stomach at the idea of sitting alone thinking about all of the things he wasn’t dealing with. So not even 20 minutes later, he turned off the TV and also headed for Lan Zhan’s bedroom. 

Lan Zhan didn’t even look up from his book this time. He just reached over and opened up the covers for Wei Ying to get in bed.

Chapter Text

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said softly, his hand shaking Wei Ying’s shoulder. 

Wei Ying groaned and buried his face into his pillow. It was way too early. Earlier than anyone should ever wake up. He refused. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan repeated a bit more firmly. 

Reluctantly, Wei Ying popped one eye open. Lan Zhan was kneeling on the floor in front of him, his face surprisingly close to Wei Ying’s, which Wei Ying found momentarily disorienting.

“Lan Zhan, what time is it?” Wei Ying muttered. 

“It’s 5:30.” 

“5:30 in the morning?” Wei Ying whined. “You need to learn to sleep in a little.”

“Wei Ying, my brother and Meng Yao are here,” Lan Zhan said in a low tone.  

That woke Wei Ying up. He opened his eyes fully. “What? Why?” 

Lan Zhan did not look happy when he responded. “They are here to execute a search warrant.” 

“At 5:30 in the morning?” Wei Ying asked incredulously. 

“My brother assumed I would be awake,” Lan Zhan answered tensely. Then Lan Zhan looked behind him, and Wei Ying saw Lan Xichen standing at the open bedroom door, though his gaze was fixed on the ground. 

“Oh,” Wei Ying said dumbly. He wasn’t sure what else to say. “What should I do?” he asked, all of a sudden very nervous. 

“Nothing,” Lan Zhan said, and yeah, he definitely seemed angry. “They just need us to wait in the living room while they search this room.” 

Wei Ying nodded and rolled out of bed. This was not how he expected to start today, on his job interview day of all days. He quietly followed Lan Zhan out of the bedroom and into the living room. 

“Apologies,” Lan Zhan said to his brother as they passed him. “I appreciate you giving us a moment.” 

Xichen looked embarrassed when Wei Ying walked out of Lan Zhan’s bedroom. Under any other circumstance, this would be really funny. He would use this kind of thing to tease and embarrass Lan Zhan mercilessly. But right now, he was worried that he was getting Lan Zhan into real trouble. So he said nothing. He just followed Lan Zhan to sit on the living room couch, his stomach suddenly in knots. 

Xichen went into the bedroom to begin his search. Meng Yao stayed in the living room, watching them, probably to make sure they weren’t hiding or destroying anything. 

Wei Ying knew there were no illegal substances in Lan Zhan’s apartment. Lan Zhan had disposed of them the other night. They weren’t going to find anything. 

Except they already had. They’d found him. It didn’t take a genius to make the connection between Lan Zhan’s prescription bottle found at a drug raid, and Wei Ying, found sleeping in Lan Zhan’s apartment. 

Lan Zhan suddenly put his hand on Wei Ying’s wrist, probably sensing the pure anxiety radiating off of him. Wei Ying appreciated the gesture. The touch was grounding, and calmed him slightly. Still, the silence was suffocating and Meng Yao watching them was unnerving. 

Wei Ying didn’t know much about Meng Yao. He’d been involved in the Wen investigation alongside Xichen and seemed nice enough, for a cop at least. He’d treated Wei Ying pretty kindly throughout his arrest for the assault on Wen Chao. He’d even offered Wei Ying some food while Wei Ying was sitting at the station. Wei Ying remembered thinking he didn’t seem like the kind of person you would think would be a police officer. But Wei Ying didn’t have much direct interaction with him to be able to get a good read on him. Maybe they were just doing that good cop, bad cop thing.

He’d had a few more interactions with Xichen, due to spending time around Lan Zhan when they were in high school. Xichen was like a slightly friendlier and more sociable version of Lan Zhan. Still very rigid and strict about everything, just like Lan Zhan was, but Wei Ying was sure that he was at least secretly entertained by Wei Ying in those early days when Lan Zhan couldn’t stand him and Wei Ying followed him around anyway. After all, Xichen was the one that encouraged Lan Zhan to invite Wei Ying to the house to work on their project that one time, and then Xichen was also the one that asked him to stay for dinner. Wei Ying got the impression that he just wanted Lan Zhan to have a friend, even if it was someone as disruptive as Wei Ying. Or maybe he was one of those crime-prevention kind of cops and thought Lan Zhan could be a good influence and save Wei Ying from himself. Whatever it was, Xichen had always been fairly welcoming to Wei Ying.

At least, until he was arresting Wei Ying for nearly killing a man. At that point, he seemed very unamused. He didn’t say much of anything to Wei Ying that day. He read him his rights and asked him if he understood. Other than that, he let Meng Yao do the booking, but Wei Ying could feel the tension in that police cruiser on the way to the station. He was clearly regretting having ever encouraged a friendship with his brother. Wei Ying didn’t blame him, really. He had just recently gotten his own parents killed, after all. He wasn’t his own biggest fan either. 

He could feel that same tension now, as Xichen finished searching the rest of the penthouse and came back into the living room. Nobody said anything for a moment, as if nobody was sure how to address the surprise of finding Wei Ying here. Xichen seemed to stare at Lan Zhan’s hand, still resting on Wei Ying’s wrist. Wei Ying suddenly realized that this, combined with the fact that he had come out of Lan Zhan’s bedroom, was probably causing Lan Xichen to draw some pretty wrong conclusions. He didn't mind people making assumptions about him, he was already used to rumors and a bad reputation, but he didn't want to harm Lan Zhan's image like that. He slowly moved his arm out from under Lan Zhan's grasp. 

Lan Zhan seemed to stiffen at the movement, like he was coming to the same realization. That actually stung a bit. Wei Ying was surprisingly hurt by the fact that Lan Zhan was possibly thinking the same things he was. Which made no sense, because he's the one who thought it first. And it certainly wasn't unreasonable for Lan Zhan to not want his family to have some false misunderstanding about his whole sexuality. 

"Is there anything else?" Lan Zhan asked his brother, his voice coming out tense and snappish.

"Lan Zhan," Lan Xichen's tone was much less harsh. He sounded sad. "This search warrant was just protocol. You know that. Can we please just talk?"

Lan Zhan said nothing in response. As the silence drew out, Wei Ying felt like he could cut the tension with a knife. Even Meng Yao looked uncomfortable, standing by the door with his lips tightened. 

This was ridiculous. Lan Zhan said it was not Wei Ying's fault that his relationship with his brother was bad, but sitting here now, he certainly felt like it was his fault. Or at least like he was making it worse. Lan Zhan being caught harboring a suspect of Xichen's investigation definitely wasn't helping their relationship. 

Wei Ying's gut twisted with guilt. He was doing it all over again. Ruining other people's lives. Just because Lan Zhan was stubborn and insisted on helping him didn't mean he should be letting him get caught up in his mess. This whole search warrant was because of him, after all. And here he was, just sitting here silently and letting Lan Zhan suffer for it. 

How far was he going to let this go? Until he got Lan Zhan killed too? There was a reason he didn’t talk to Yanli anymore. It was to keep her safe. So why did he think it was okay to put Lan Zhan at risk? He suddenly felt sick at the realization of what he was doing.

"Lan Zhan, just talk to your brother," Wei Ying suddenly pleaded. He refused to be responsible for this.

"Wei Ying. Don't." Lan Zhan snapped. 

He was angry. The tone of it actually made Wei Ying flinch slightly in surprise and he clamped his mouth shut. 

Apparently Lan Zhan surprised himself too, because he glanced at Wei Ying and then his expression shifted. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, then closed it again. Stared at Wei Ying. After a moment, he finally spoke again. This time his tone was far more careful.

"I think you can go back to bed now," Lan Zhan suggested slowly. He glanced at his brother for confirmation, who nodded. 

That sounded like the best idea Wei Ying had ever heard. He knew there was no chance in hell of him falling asleep again, but he could take a hint to leave the room, and he was eager to do so. He nodded and quickly went back into Lan Zhan’s bedroom. 

He was tempted to leave the door cracked open to listen, but Lan Zhan had asked him to leave so he wanted to respect that. If Lan Zhan wanted to tell him anything, he would. So even though it was killing him to not know what was being said about him, he closed the door and went to sit on the bed. 

The adrenaline of the morning was catching up to him and he felt shaky. He couldn’t sit still, so he stood up again and paced across the room, mostly just trying not to cry from all of the pent up tension. 

Lan Zhan apparently did not stay talking with his brother for long, because he came back into the bedroom too only a few minutes later. 

“Wei Ying,” he prompted.

Wei Ying paused in his pacing and turned around to face Lan Zhan. 

“I apologize for speaking to you like that,” Lan Zhan said. 

Wei Ying tried to force a smile as he shook his head. “You don’t need to apologize, it wasn’t my place. It’s none of my business.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t expand on anything about it. He just went to sit on the edge of the bed. 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Wei Ying nodded. “I’m fine.” 

Lan Zhan’s gaze lingered on Wei Ying in a way that showed he didn’t really believe Wei Ying. Which was valid, because Wei Ying was lying through his teeth. This search warrant had left him very rattled for a number of reasons. But he didn’t want to talk about it just as much as Lan Zhan clearly did not want to talk about his brother. 

“I have a yoga class before work, do you wish to join me?” Lan Zhan asked after a moment.

He asked it in the same highly concerned tone he had used last night, when he had told Wei Ying he didn’t have to sleep alone. Like he thought that Wei Ying was about to go and use drugs again if left alone. 

Wei Ying didn’t think he was going to, though he did kind of feel like he was itching to get out of his own skin. But that was all the more reason there was no way he could sit through a fucking yoga class right now. 

“No, I have to get ready for my interview,” Wei Ying answered. It was an obvious lie. His interview wasn’t until later this afternoon, he did not need to get ready for it at 6 in the morning.

Lan Zhan was still studying Wei Ying, and he seemed hesitant, but he didn’t push the issue.

“I will text you the address of the school,” Lan Zhan finally said. 

Wei Ying nodded. “I’ll see you there, right?” he asked. 

“Yes,” Lan Zhan answered. “I can meet you after and drive you home.”

“Sure,” Wei Ying said, forcing himself to smile again. He hated the knot he had in his stomach right now. 

Lan Zhan seemed like he wanted to say something else, but then he didn’t. He simply stood up, gave Wei Ying one last glance, and then left. 

As soon as he was gone, Wei Ying exhaled a breath he wasn’t even aware he had been holding. He slumped down to the floor and buried his head in his hands. 

“Fuck,” he cursed to himself. 

He had been lying to himself. He wasn’t going to get this new job, and a part of him knew that from the beginning. It was a very nice idea. Suddenly get clean, get a respectable job doing something with music like he’d always wanted, Yuan gets to go to a prestigious school for free, and everything is suddenly just great? 

It was never that easy to get out of this kind of life. He couldn’t just erase his history. So what if he hadn’t done drugs for a couple days, all of his mistakes and problems weren’t just going to disappear. He still had a criminal record, a really bad reputation, police investigating him, Xue Yang’s threat hanging over his head… he couldn’t just jump back into his old world like none of that existed. This search warrant was a clear reminder of that. 

So no. No prestigious music school was going to hire him. He didn’t even have a high school degree. It was all wishful thinking. All too good to be true. Drugs or no drugs, he was still Wei Ying. The person who only ever caused trouble for everyone around him. 

He didn’t know what to do about it. All he knew right now is that he did not want to sit here alone in this apartment. So he stood up, got dressed, and headed for the subway. 

An hour later, he found himself pathetically knocking at the door of his own apartment in the Bronx. Wen Qing was harsh at times, but she wasn’t heartless. She had kicked him out for a good reason, but she would not turn him away when he needed her. 

Wei Ying trusted her with his life, and right now, he needed his best friend. When she opened the door, it was clear that she could immediately tell that Wei Ying was not okay, because she didn’t show any resistance at all to him showing up. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked instead. 

Wei Ying didn’t even know how to answer that question, there were so many possible answers. 

At his lack of a response, Wen Qing switched gears. “Come inside,” she said instead, reaching for his arm and gently pulling him in. 

At the sight of Wei Ying, Yuan screeched from the living room and came barreling at him, clinging to his leg. Wei Ying had missed him just as much, but at the moment, seeing him just reminded him of how much he had fucked up with all of his recent mistakes. That hurt even more and he clenched his fist, his fingernails digging into his palm. 

“Wen Ning,” Wen Qing turned to her brother and gave him a look. 

Wen Ning seemed to understand, because he scrambled over to scoop Yuan up. “C’mon Yuan, let’s go to the park,” he said gently. 

“No!” Yuan shrieked as he squirmed in his arms, his hands reaching for Wei Ying.

Wen Ning tried to soothe him as he continued to walk to the door.

It didn’t work. Yuan began to wail and Wen Ning ended up carrying him out as screamed and sobbed. 

“Sorry, he’s been acting out a lot lately,” Wen Qing explained. “Night terrors all throughout the night, constant tantrums over every little thing during the day.” 

The sight of Yuan screaming and Wen Qing’s statement finally broke whatever resolve Wei Ying had left, and a tear rolled down his own cheek as the front door closed. He knew what all of that meant. Wei Ying had done that. He had caused that kind of pain in Yuan by abandoning him. 

“Let’s sit down,” Wen Qing suggested, looking at Wei Ying’s expression and changing the subject. 

Wei Ying didn’t say anything, he just allowed himself to be led to the couch. Eventually, though, after Wen Qing simply sat with him for a minute, he found it in him to speak. 

After all, Wen Qing was one of the only people he actually could tell everything to. She knew Wei Ying better than anyone, and she understood these things in a way that most people couldn’t. Because she had been raised as a Wen. She knew what it meant to be involved in the drug dealing world. She only got out by testifying against her entire family and locking them all in prison, and even then, her life and reputation had been ruined just like Wei Ying’s. It had been hard for her to even find a medical school program that would accept her after the Wen trial had been all over the national news. She still worried if she would actually be able to be a doctor anywhere when she finished school. She of all people would understand Wei Ying’s dilemmas. 

He left out the details of the Lan family drama, because that was not his business to share. And he left out the details of the job interview he had later today, because there was no use getting her hopes up for something when he was ultimately going to disappoint her and everyone else when he didn’t get the job. But he told her about the attack and threat from Xue Yang, and how he had no idea who he was working for or why he was a target. Then he told her about the stolen Xanax and the drug bust and the search warrant this morning. 

Wen Qing didn’t say much. She just listened. She didn’t offer empty reassurances or simplistic advice that would never work, which Wei Ying appreciated. When Wei Ying finished, she exhaled a long breath. 

“What are you going to do?” she asked. 

Wei Ying shrugged. “Turn myself in?” he suggested. 

Wen Qing glared at him. “What good does that do?” she asked, sounding angry that he would even think of it. 

“It means I’m not dragging Lan Zhan into my shit,” Wei Ying muttered, agitated with himself. 

Wen Qing raised an eyebrow at him. “Does Lan Zhan get a choice in this?” 

“I am guilty of the crime,” he argued, ignoring her question. “I am actually the dealer they are looking for. I got myself here. It’s not like I’m being falsely accused.” 

“You had your reasons,” Wen Qing countered. 

Wei Ying glared at her. “Wen Qing,” he warned. 

Wen Qing stared back at him, but she didn’t press the issue. She knew it was off limits.

“I’m just saying, you being behind bars isn’t going to help anyone and it isn’t going to solve anything,” Wen Qing said instead. Then, she added more gently, “plus, how am I supposed to explain that to Yuan?”

Wei Ying closed his eyes sadly for a moment. He didn’t have a response to that. That was an unfair move. 

“It can’t be a coincidence,” Wen Qing continued suddenly. 

Wei Ying turned to look at her again. He had no idea what she was talking about. 

“What can’t?” 

“Xue Yang starts threatening you, and then there’s a police raid at The Tiger’s apartment.” 

Wei Ying frowned. He had not actually considered these two things to be related. 

“You think Xue Yang called the cops?” he asked skeptically. “He doesn’t seem like a pro-police kind of guy.” 

“You’re telling me these things happened within a day of each other and you don’t think they’re connected?” Wen Qing asked just as skeptically. She paused and considered before adding, “I don’t think he thought you would get caught. There’s no way he could have planned for you to leave behind something as incriminating as Lan Zhan’s Xanax. But I do think the bust was meant to send a message.” 

“Let’s say they are related. Why?” Wei Ying asked. “I still can’t even figure out what I did to piss Xue Yang off. Wen Ruohan has been locked up for years. I don’t think Xue Yang is the kind of person to stay loyal to someone when the guy is serving a life sentence.”

Wen Qing shrugged. “We have to figure out who he is working for now.” 

“And how are we supposed to do that?” 

Wen Qing seemed to think about that for a moment, and then grimaced in dismay. 

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but can you get a batch of yin for me?” 

Wei Ying frowned. “Do you have a few thousand dollars lying around?” he asked. “He doesn’t just give it to me. I have to return the profits.” 

“We will,” Wen Qing answered. 

“This sounds like a terrible idea,” Wei Ying muttered, but he pulled his phone out anyway. 

A good drug manufacturer does not keep his supplies at the same place he throws his parties. Either the person who tipped off the cops didn’t know that, or Wen Qing was right, it was only meant to be intimidation. Regardless, Wei Ying knew The Tiger was smart enough to avoid any real consequences from the raid the other night, 

He hesitated as he turned his phone on. Sure enough, there were three voicemails from Jiang Cheng. Wei Ying didn’t open them. He didn’t have it in him. Instead, he just texted The Tiger. 

Got anything? 

The response came within minutes.

I wondered if you were behind bars after our visitors the other day. Meet me in two hours.

Wei Ying stood up and glanced at Wen Qing again. He knew that she was very smart and very careful. He trusted her. And talking to her about everything had made him feel slightly less hopeless. So did knowing she had a plan to figure some of this out. So without another word, he headed back out.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying handed Wen Qing the bag as soon as he returned. She pocketed it and said nothing. 

“Now what?” Wei Ying asked. 

“Are you clean?” she asked.

Wei Ying nodded. Wen Qing scrutinized him for a moment, but then seemed to believe him. 

“Then you’re going to take Yuan with you, and go back to Lan Zhan’s for the afternoon,” Wen Qing answered. 

Wei Ying opened his mouth to protest, because he had a job interview to get to. But before he could say anything, she turned her head back into the apartment.

“Yuan, Wei Ying is back!” she yelled.  

Wei Ying heard the sound of two little toddler feet running before he actually saw Yuan emerge from the apartment. Once again, Yuan immediately came barreling towards him. This time, he clung to Wei Ying’s leg with a vice grip. Wei Ying tried to glare at Wen Qing, but he couldn’t find it in himself to mean it. He had really missed Yuan a lot and wanted nothing more than to spend the day with him. He bent down slightly towards him. 

“Can I have a real hug?” he asked. 

Yuan looked up at him warily and seemed to consider it for a moment. He appeared conflicted about the fact that this would mean letting go of Wei Ying’s leg, but then he nodded and held his arms out. Wei Ying reached down and lifted him high into the air before pulling him into his chest. 

“I missed you,” Wei Ying muttered into his hair. “Do you want to hang out with me today?” 

Yuan nodded again against his shoulder. 

Wei Ying glanced at Wen Qing again. “Be careful,” he pleaded. 

Wen Qing nodded. “Of course,” she reassured. “I’ll call you.” 

With that, Wei Ying turned and carried Yuan out of the building and towards the subway. Despite everything else feeling bad, it felt really good to have Yuan in his arms again. It felt like he hadn’t seen the kid in forever, rather than just a few days, and Yuan apparently felt the same because he wouldn’t even let Wei Ying put him down at any point on their journey home. He was fully latched onto Wei Ying and not letting go. Any attempts to remove him resulted in immediate whining and even tears.

It took him nearly an hour by subway to get back to Lan Zhan’s neighborhood. And since he now had Yuan to care for, he was definitely going to miss his interview. Not that it really mattered, he wasn’t going to get the job. So he tried not to think about it and to just focus on Yuan. They played a game of coming up with names for all the birds and squirrels they saw as they walked to Lan Zhan’s apartment from the subway station. 

It was meant to be a prank when he told Lan Zhan that Yuan was his son. But Wei Ying did actually love him as his own, and Yuan had seemed to attach to him as a father figure as well. The Wen siblings' grandmother had been given custody of him as a baby, when his parents died. Then Wen Qing and Wen Ning had gotten custody of him when their grandmother died, not long after Wei Ying and the Wens had moved in together. The Wen siblings had not actually known Yuan very well when they took him in, having been cut off from that side of the family while being raised by Wen Ruohan, but when their grandmother died, they had been Yuan’s only remaining relatives that were not dead or in prison. 

Wei Ying was the one that actually convinced them to take custody rather than letting him go to foster care. Wen Qing never had a desire to have kids. Wen Ning loved kids, but Wen Qing worried about him taking on the responsibility long term and being held back from developing his own life and independence. But Wei Ying had felt connected to Yuan before he ever even met him and demanded that they take him after their first phone call with the social worker. Wen Qing had seemed shocked by how emotional he became about a child he had never even met, but ultimately caved under the condition that Wei Ying would take on most of the responsibility. He agreed.

The thing was, Wei Ying immediately saw pieces of himself in Yuan. He knew exactly what it was like to be orphaned not just once, but twice. He also knew what it was like to be raised in foster care and he would be damned if he let that happen to Yuan. He felt such an obligation to protect him from the world, to the point that he hardly left Yuan’s side when he first moved in. This constant undivided attention meant that Yuan very quickly became attached to him too, looking to him for safety in his new and unfamiliar surroundings. 

So, although the Wens became his legal caregivers, Wei Ying had really been the one to become his parent. Yuan learned to attach to and love Wen Qing and Wen Ning too, of course, but his bond with Wei Ying was just different.  He even started calling Wei Ying his dad. Wen Qing and Wen Ning didn’t seem to mind. At first, they thought it was funny. They would repeat it just to tease Wei Ying. Then, as his and Wei Ying’s strong bond became more evident, it somehow simply became normal to refer to him as Yuan’s dad in a more casual way. 

Eventually, Wen Qing sat Wei Ying down one day and asked if Wei Ying would be willing to officially adopt Yuan someday. The offer made Wei Ying cry. Wei Ying wanted to find a bit more stability in life but then he would do so in a heartbeat, and he told her as much. Wei Ying had never loved a kid as much as he loved and cared about Yuan. He would do anything to protect him. 

Except instead of working towards that stability, he kept dealing and using drugs, put Yuan in a horrible situation, and then left him. It was evident this sudden loss had caused Yuan a lot of pain. Wen Qing even mentioned he’d been having night terrors, which he used to have when Granny Wen died but had not had in some time. Wei Ying didn’t even know how to begin to process what he had done by leaving him.

Lan Zhan’s apartment wasn’t exactly child friendly. There were no toys or children’s books to entertain Yuan with. There was a swimming pool on the roof, but he had no swimming trunks for him or Yuan. So instead he plopped him on the couch and turned on the TV. Yuan immediately crawled onto his lap to curl up on him, still very clingy.

Wei Ying just held him. They sat like that, watching some cartoon, and Yuan eventually fell asleep on Wei Ying’s chest. Then Wei Ying dozed off too.

He wasn’t sure how long they napped, but he woke up to his phone buzzing in his pocket. He tried to dig it out from under Yuan without waking him. He finally pulled it out right as he missed the call, then looked and saw that he actually had multiple missed calls. All from Lan Zhan. 

Shit. It was 4 in the afternoon. Lan Zhan was supposed to meet him after his interview and drive him home, and Wei Ying had forgotten to tell him he wasn’t going to make it. 

Wei Ying turned off the TV, stood up, and carried a sleeping Yuan to the guest bedroom. He gently put him in the bed and tucked him in, trying his best not to disturb him at all. Then he snuck back out to the living room, where he immediately hit the button to dial Lan Zhan back. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan answered on the first ring.

“Lan Zhan, I’m sorry!” Wei Ying apologized. “I meant to call.” 

“You missed your interview,” Lan Zhan said. 

“I know, I’m sorry,” Wei Ying said again. “Something came up. I hope I didn’t make things too difficult for you, I know you probably had to vouch for me to get me the interview in the first place.” 

“Where are you?” Lan Zhan asked.

“I’m at home,” Wei Ying answered. 

Lan Zhan didn’t say anything else, he just hung up the phone. Wei Ying couldn’t tell if he was angry or not. It was hard to say, since Lan Zhan was always pretty abrupt and didn’t talk a lot as it was, but Wei Ying felt like maybe he was. 

Sighing, Wei Ying internally berated himself. He knew he wasn’t going to get the job, but it was still rude to stand up the interviewer and hurt Lan Zhan’s reputation like that. 

Lan Zhan must have already been on his way home because he arrived at the apartment just a few minutes later. 

“I can explain,” Wei Ying started as soon as Lan Zhan walked in. 

Lan Zhan hung up his coat and his keys before turning to Wei Ying, and yes, he definitely looked upset. 

“Did you take anything?” Lan Zhan asked. 

“I… what?” Wei Ying responded. 

“Drugs,” Lan Zhan clarified. “Are you on something?” 

Wei Ying stiffened. That question hurt. It was a valid one. Wei Ying had not been in a great headspace at all this morning after the warrant debacle, which he knew had been obvious. Plus, although he had not taken any drugs, he had procured some. Which meant he really didn’t have a right to be offended by the question, but maybe he was just upset with himself for everything that was happening today. 

Wei Ying opened his mouth to respond, but a split second later, he was interrupted by the sound of a toddler scream. 

Wei Ying looked up at the ceiling and shook his head slightly in frustration, before abruptly exiting the conversation with Lan Zhan to go retrieve Yuan. As soon as he walked in, he saw Yuan throwing a crying fit in his bed. 

“Yuan,” Wei Ying chided as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “What are you fussing about, hm?” 

Yuan just crawled over to Wei Ying and latched onto him again, whimpering into his shirt. Wei Ying sighed and scooped him back into his arms. He couldn’t really be angry with the kid. It was Wei Ying that had “gotten sick” and then abruptly disappeared with no goodbye and no explanation. He incited this fear of abandonment in Yuan, so now he had to deal with it. 

Wei Ying glanced up, and Lan Zhan was standing in the doorway watching. 

“I meant to call and cancel the interview,” Wei Ying explained as he bounced an upset Yuan to soothe him. “It’s just been a really tough day.” 

He meant it had been a tough day for Yuan, but as he said it, his own voice cracked slightly. It had been for him, too. Between the stress of the search warrant this morning and then being confronted with Yuan’s distress, he was emotionally spent.

Lan Zhan seemed to hear it in his voice, because he dropped the issue of the interview for now. 

“I will make dinner,” Lan Zhan said instead. 

Wei Ying simply nodded.  

Yuan would not allow Wei Ying to put him in his own chair for dinner. He started to throw a fit as soon as Wei Ying tried. Wei Ying sighed and lifted Yuan back up out of the chair to comfort him again.

“Hand him to me,” Lan Zhan suddenly said, holding his arms out to take Yuan. 

Wei Ying wasn’t sure it was going to work, but he held Yuan out to Lan Zhan anyway. He couldn’t deny that he was exhausted from carrying Yuan around all day. Miraculously, Yuan didn’t resist and allowed Lan Zhan to take him. Lan Zhan settled him onto his own lap. Then, even though Yuan’s face was still red from crying, he seemed to cheer up and eat his food happily enough. Lan Zhan managed to distract him by introducing him to chopsticks and showing him how to use them. This kept Yuan very focused on trying to pick up his food, which was a welcome relief from all the tears.

Lan Zhan was so good with Yuan. Wei Ying smiled at it. Every single time he saw Lan Zhan with Yuan, he was filled with an odd warmth at the sight of it. 

About halfway through their meal, Wei Ying’s phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw that Wen Qing was calling. He gave Lan Zhan an apologetic smile and then stood up to go take it in the other room. Yuan looked uncertain about him leaving the room, but didn’t immediately start crying, so that was progress. 

“Hey,” Wei Ying answered the phone as soon as he was out of earshot.

“You are not going to believe what I’m finding out,” Wen Qing said, her voice somewhat hushed as though she was somewhere she might be overheard. “If my sources are accurate, Xue Yang is working for someone in the Jin family.” 

Wei Ying’s eyes widened. “ The Jin family?” he asked incredulously. 

That was the last thing he had expected to hear. The Jins were one of the richest families in the city and had been the first to condemn the Wens when their drug operation was exposed. Not to mention Jin Guangshan’s condescending statements to Jiang Cheng about Wei Ying after his arrest. The Jins were snobby and narcissistic and wouldn’t be caught dead getting involved with people like Xue Yang. 

Or so Wei Ying had thought. Wei Ying already hated that it was the family his sister was marrying into, but now this made it ten times worse. 

“I’m going to need you to hold onto Yuan for a couple of days,” Wen Qing continued, as if she hadn’t just dropped a massive bomb on Wei Ying.

“What are you up to?” Wei Ying asked, starting to get nervous now. Selling some drugs to poke around for some information was one thing, but the Jins were a wealthy and powerful family. Wei Ying did not want her getting wrapped up in this any further.

“Okay, don’t freak out,” Wen Qing started.

This, of course, only made Wei Ying more nervous. 

“Wen Ning may have gotten himself arrested tonight,” she explained. 

“Wen Qing!” Wei Ying hissed. 

“I know,” Wen Qing said worriedly. “But he didn’t even have anything on him. I think we can get the charges dropped. I just won’t be able to pay his bond until I get paid on Monday and I have to be at the hospital this weekend, which means you have Yuan duty.”

Wei Ying pressed his fingers against his temple out of stress. Wen Ning had no record at all. He was far too soft and gentle to be spending the weekend in jail. They were going to eat him alive in there. 

“Hey, I have to go,” Wen Qing said suddenly. Then, before Wei Ying could respond, she hung up the phone. 

Wei Ying sighed, and then walked back out of the bedroom to where Lan Zhan was still entertaining Yuan. 

“I need to ask you a really big favor,” he muttered, making reluctant eye contact with Lan Zhan. 

Four and a half hours later, Lan Zhan returned home. Wei Ying had finally coaxed Yuan into bed again and was sitting on the couch.

“How did it go?” Wei Ying asked as Lan Zhan walked in. 

Lan Zhan seemed tense. He did not respond right away, as if he wasn’t sure how to answer the question. 

“Wen Ning is home,” Lan Zhan finally said. 

Wei Ying nodded. “Thank you,” he sighed in relief. “I know it was a lot to ask, I just didn’t want him to spend all weekend in there. We’ll pay you back, I swear.” 

Lan Zhan hummed in acknowledgment, but seemed distracted. It made Wei Ying suddenly feel nervous. 

“Are you mad?” Wei Ying asked hesitantly. 

Lan Zhan seemed to consider the question, which was also a bad sign. That meant the answer was probably yes. 

Maybe he was still angry about the interview. They never really had finished that conversation. Or maybe it had to do with the police showing up this morning, then having Yuan suddenly stay here without even asking, and now having to go spend a bunch of money to bail Wen Ning out of jail. Maybe Wei Ying was just putting too much on Lan Zhan. It was a lot to ask him to deal with considering he’d been back in Wei Ying’’s life for all of a week. 

Maybe he was just realizing that Wei Ying was too much of a disaster for him and was trying to think of a kind way of telling Wei Ying this. 

“I do not understand why you keep helping the Wens,” Lan Zhan finally answered. 

Wei Ying tensed. Of all the things going through his head, he had not been expecting that particular discussion to come up again. 

“Why shouldn’t I?” he asked, hearing the defensive edge to his own tone. 

“They kicked you out,” Lan Zhan said slowly. “Yet, you are willing to drop everything, including canceling your interview and your chance at something good for yourself, to watch their child while they continue to sell drugs and get arrested.” 

Wei Ying almost wanted to laugh at how off-base Lan Zhan was, but he suddenly realized how this whole night made the Wens look, and he couldn’t actually explain the truth. What was he supposed to say? There was no way to actually make it make sense without giving Lan Zhan way more backstory than Wei Ying wanted to give right now. Until he knew why the Jins were caught up in this and why Wei Ying was their target, he was not about to start spreading this kind of information to anyone. Especially not to the brother of a cop.

“He’s mine,” Wei Ying said instead. 

Lan Zhan looked slightly confused, so Wei Ying continued. 

“You said ‘their child.’ They have custody right now, but Yuan is my son.” 

Lan Zhan seemed wary, like maybe he was waiting for Wei Ying to say he was joking again. But Wei Ying stared at him, dead serious this time. Like he was challenging Lan Zhan to argue with him about it. 

Wei Ying didn’t offer any further explanation, either. He was so tired of people discriminating against the Wens simply based on their family name, and if he was misleading Lan Zhan into thinking Yuan was biologically his, well, so what. He loved him like he was and he refused to hear Lan Zhan lecture him about this or tell him he was making a mistake for wanting to adopt Yuan. That was a conversation he simply would not have. 

Eventually, Lan Zhan conceded the silent stand-off.

“It is late,” he replied, instead of continuing the argument. “I am going to bed.” 

It really was late, and Lan Zhan looked tired. But Wei Ying hated the sudden end to this conversation. He didn’t like this developing tension between them. Wei Ying noticed that there was no invite for him to join Lan Zhan tonight.  

“Yuan is in my bed,” Wei Ying tried. 

Lan Zhan stared at him for just a beat too long before responding. “I can make up the couch for you,” Lan Zhan answered. 

That was a rejection. A kind one, but a rejection nonetheless. Lan Zhan did not want him in his bed tonight.

“Okay, thanks,” Wei Ying muttered, because what else was there to say?  

Lan Zhan went into a hallway closet to grab some extra bedding. Wei Ying felt kind of numb. He knew it was kind of weird that he had been sleeping in Lan Zhan’s bed in the first place, but he had honestly not been expecting Lan Zhan to reject him. Apparently Lan Zhan really did not approve of his association with the Wens at all. 

Had he only been helping Wei Ying to try to “save” him from them? The thought sent a sudden surge of anger through Wei Ying. 

“Lan Zhan, I can do it,” Wei Ying suddenly said tensely as Lan Zhan started to unfold the bed sheet to spread it across the couch. 

Lan Zhan stopped and stood up straight again. 

“Goodnight, Wei Ying,” he said. His voice was not harsh or cold, necessarily. It just felt different. More guarded. It sucked.

As soon as he was gone, the silence of the room started to seep into Wei Ying’s skin. His chest felt tight and he dreaded how alone he felt. All of the tension that had been building in him all day felt suffocating now. And even though he knew that the drugs were what had started all of this, he suddenly just really wanted to get high. 

He would probably never be allowed to see Yuan again, if he did something that stupid on the first day he was allowed to have Yuan in his care again. He exhaled a deep breath and sat on the couch, burying his head in his hands, his fingers tangling in his hair. He knew he shouldn’t even be considering it. He knew it was a terrible idea. He just felt absolutely miserable and he wanted this feeling to go away. 

Reluctantly, he finished making the makeshift bed on the couch and then laid down on it, pulling the blanket over him. He couldn’t sleep, though, so he pulled out his phone. Then he realized he didn’t actually feel like texting anyone. It was late anyway, and that meant the only people who would likely respond to him would be the kind of people that would get him into trouble. 

Just as he was about to put his phone away again, he noticed the little voicemail notification and remembered he still had not listened to Jiang Cheng’s voicemails. He probably shouldn’t now, either, but part of him was emotionally masochistic enough to do it. He opened the first one and put the phone up to his ear. 

It was silent for a few seconds, then Jiang Cheng huffed out a breath. “You can’t just walk away from me in the middle of a conversation. Call me.”

Wei Ying deleted it and listened to the next one. 

This one sounded slightly more aggravated. “Are you blocking my calls now? Your phone didn’t even ring. Call me back. Seriously.” 

Wei Ying sighed, but he wasn't too phased by this. Out of everything going on, his relationship with his brother was honestly something he felt pretty numb to right now. He deleted the second voicemail as well before listening to the last one. 

“I’m not going to keep calling you. I have other things to do besides track you down all the time. I have a wedding invitation that Yanli wants me to give you so text me your mailing address if you want it, I guess. Not that you’ll show up for her anyway.” 

Wei Ying hesitated at that last one, before deleting it too. He did want it. But if she was marrying Jin Zixuan, then how could he go to the wedding? 

Yanli was marrying a Jin. Wen Qing had just confirmed that the Jins were working with Xue Yang. 

He suddenly felt even more panicked at the idea of Yanli marrying into the Jin family. 

He’d never cared for the Jins, but Yanli had been madly in love with Jin Zixuan for as long as he could remember. Even when they were kids. Jin Zixuan, on the other hand, had been cruel to her for it for a long time, and there was even a time when they were in high school where Wei Ying very nearly punched him for it. Lan Zhan had actually been the one to pull him back, and that was before he and Lan Zhan were even really friends. Back when Lan Zhan was all about trying to make him follow school rules. Though, come to think of it, it was right after that incident that Lan Zhan started being less hostile to Wei Ying, so maybe Lan Zhan secretly hated Jin Zixuan too. 

Still, at some point, Jin Zixuan apparently became smart enough to realize that Yanli was far better than he deserved, because they started dating in Yanli’s senior year. Wei Ying still didn’t trust or like the guy, but Yanli seemed happy, so Wei Ying tried to be happy for her. 

But now? Maybe Jin Zixuan wasn’t involved in the Xue Yang thing. The Jins were a big family, it was possible he knew nothing about it. But what if he was? 

Wei Ying put his phone down and sank back into the couch, feeling completely hollowed out and even more miserable and alone. All he wanted was to tell Lan Zhan that he was having a really crappy night, and for Lan Zhan to read him to sleep again so that he could stop feeling like he was buzzing out of his own skin. But Lan Zhan had made it clear that he didn’t approve of the Wens, and how could Wei Ying tolerate that? That was his family. 

Eventually, despite all of the emotions running through his head, Wei Ying somehow managed to fall asleep from the pure exhaustion of his chaos-filled day. 

Chapter Text

Wei Ying woke up to the sound of Yuan wailing. It was still dark outside. He groaned and looked at his phone. 5:15am. 

The last time he saw Yuan like this was in the first month or two of the Wens taking him in, after Yuan had just lost Granny Wen and been thrown into their home where he didn’t know any of them. Wei Ying had held him through every breakdown and nightmare in those early days, often singing him lullabies or making a fool out of himself just to coax Yuan into a laugh. 

Another surge of guilt ran through Wei Ying for leaving Yuan and re-igniting this feeling of abandonment and grief. He rolled off the couch and went to the guest room. 

Yuan wasn’t actually awake, he was just crying in his sleep. Wei Ying scooped him up into his arms, waking him in the process, and Yuan immediately clung to him.

“I’ve got you,” Wei Ying soothed. 

As Wei Ying sat there and held him in the quiet of the early morning, he remembered everything that had happened yesterday, all of his own emotions still brewing near the surface. He almost wanted to cry with Yuan. Instead, he just sat there in a numb silence until Yuan’s cries turned to sniffles. 

“How about something to drink?” Wei Ying eventually asked. He had to be dehydrated from all the tears. 

Yuan nodded, so Wei Ying stood up with him and carried him to the kitchen.

Just to open up Lan Zhan’s fridge and realize it was a promise he couldn’t fulfill. He knew that Lan Zhan was a healthy eater and did not eat meat, but he did not expect Lan Zhan’s fridge to be nothing but tofu and vegetables. There was no milk, no juice, nothing child-friendly to soothe Yuan. 

“How about some water,” Wei Ying tried, already knowing it wasn’t going to work. 

Sure enough, Yuan was far too cranky to handle this disappointment. 

“No!” he screamed, before he immediately started to cry again. 

“Hey, hey, none of that,” Wei Ying said, bouncing him desperately. “We can go buy some juice, hm?” 

Yuan quieted down again and nodded miserably into Wei Ying’s shoulder, but it was too late. Lan Zhan must have heard him because he came out of his room just a moment later. 

“Sorry,” Wei Ying muttered, looking over at him. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“I was awake,” Lan Zhan answered. 

“Right.” 

Wei Ying didn’t know what else to say. He could still feel the weight of their argument last night between them and Wei Ying was still very on edge and emotionally frayed this morning. Lan Zhan didn’t offer much in the way of conversation either. It was just a tense silence. So after a moment of Lan Zhan not saying anything, Wei Ying turned away and ignored him. He set Yuan down on the counter. 

“Give me two minutes, and then we’ll go find some juice, okay?” he asked Yuan. 

“Can rich friend go with us?” Yuan pleaded.

Wei Ying didn’t even glance at Lan Zhan, he just shook his head. “Lan Zhan is busy. He has to go do yoga.”

“What’s yoga?” Yuan asked. 

Wei Ying smiled slightly and poked at Yuan’s foot. “It’s where you do silly things like bending over backwards and using your hands like they are feet.”

Yuan’s face was still red and tear-stained, but he giggled at that, clearly warming up from his previous fit.  

“There are vending machines in the building that have apple juice,” Lan Zhan suddenly spoke up. “I can watch him for a few minutes while you get some.” 

Wei Ying glanced up at Lan Zhan again. He could not get over Lan Zhan’s opinion of the Wens that he had made clear last night. It left a bad taste in his mouth and he suddenly did not feel nearly as comfortable with the idea of handing Yuan to him. 

“I’ve got it,” Wei Ying answered curtly. 

Lan Zhan’s mouth fell open slightly, as if he was surprised by Wei Ying’s clear hostility. And yeah, Wei Ying knew he was being harsh. But he had not slept well, he was still kind of itching to go get high, and he didn’t have a lot of tolerance for Lan Zhan’s tone last night in the way he said “their child.” 

Before anyone could say anything else, Yuan, ever the intuitive problem-solver, piped up again. 

“Don’t fight, we can all get apple juice together!” 

Wei Ying turned to Yuan to try to explain to him that they were not fighting and that Lan Zhan couldn’t come, but Lan Zhan responded before he could. 

“You are very wise, Yuan,” Lan Zhan answered stubbornly. “Let’s get juice together.” 

Yuan smiled and Wei Ying immediately knew he was trapped. Saying no now was destined to result in another tantrum. So he rolled his eyes and picked Yuan up to set him down on the ground. 

Yuan didn’t protest at being made to walk, but did immediately take Wei Ying’s hand. Then, as they walked out the front door, he took Lan Zhan’s hand too, walking in between them. Lan Zhan glanced down at him, but said nothing, and the both of them allowed Yuan to lead them to the elevator in silence. 

They walked like that all the way to the vending machines, and then all the way back, without speaking to each other. Yuan seemed very pleased with himself, though. Once they were back in the apartment, Lan Zhan went to the kitchen and silently handed Wei Ying a small plastic cup from the back of his cabinets, but met his eyes with an intense, questioning gaze. Wei Ying silently took the cup from him.

He mixed half apple juice, half water, because he might not be parent of the year right now but even he knew better than to give a toddler a cup of pure sugar. Then he sat Yuan down at the table. 

“Sit here while you drink it so you don’t spill all over this nice apartment,” he instructed, trying his best to keep his tone neutral in front of Yuan. “The juice cannot leave the table, okay?”

Once he was convinced Yuan was going to listen, he glanced at Lan Zhan and then turned and went to the balcony where he could still see Yuan through the glass door. Lan Zhan followed him out and closed the door behind him. 

“That’s my kid,” Wei Ying accused immediately, turning to face Lan Zhan. “Wen Qing only asked me to leave because I need to get myself right for him. So how dare you even suggest that he or the Wens are ruining my life. He is my life. If you have a problem with him, you have a problem with me.” 

Lan Zhan once again looked taken aback by the level of Wei Ying’s anger, but Wei Ying refused to back down on this.

“I apologize,” Lan Zhan said slowly. “When I said those things, I did not know he was your child.” He paused, then carefully asked, “He is why you gave your inheritance to the Wens?”

“No.” Wei Ying answered, but did not elaborate.

Lan Zan eyed him for a moment, and Wei Ying could see in his eyes that he was struggling to make sense of all of this. When it became clear that he was not going to get anything else out of Wei Ying on the subject, he took a deep breath. 

“I am sorry for misunderstanding the situation and for offending you. I do not have a problem with your son.” 

Somehow, that did nothing to ease the agitation Wei Ying was feeling. The apology didn’t reach just how rejected he had felt last night. He didn’t exactly know why, he just felt really, really hurt. Maybe it was because he had just felt so overwhelmed by everything and like Lan Zhan had left him completely alone last night, when he really needed to not be alone. 

He knew none of that was Lan Zhan’s fault or responsibility. He knew Lan Zhan didn’t owe him anything and had done more than enough for Wei Ying already. It wasn’t Lan Zhan’s job to take care of him. And he certainly knew he wasn’t owed the right to sleep in Lan Zhan’s bed, the fact that he had done so a few times was actually very strange and the fact that he was so comforted by it was probably even weirder. But something about Lan Zhan shutting him out last night left Wei Ying feeling untethered and vulnerable in a way that terrified him. 

Before he could think of what else to say, Lan Zhan seemed to realize his words were not getting through and he spoke again. 

“Wei Ying,” he urged. “I had to speak with my brother to get Wen Ning released after hours. I was distracted last night, and my frustration may have been misdirected. I truly am sorry for offending you.” 

Wei Ying finally softened slightly at that, because Lan Zhan truly was doing so much for him. Even going to bail Wen Ning out in the first place was too much to ask for and Lan Zhan had done it anyway, and once again put his relationship with his own brother in jeopardy for it. Wei Ying knew he was being too harsh. 

“No, I’m sorry,” Wei Ying sighed. “You’ve helped him, and me, a lot. I really don’t mean to seem ungrateful.”

“Yuan is a wonderful child. You are a good father to him.” Lan Zhan replied. 

He shook his head at that. He wasn’t sure he believed that right now. He had really hurt Yuan, and even while knowing that, he had nearly gone out and gotten high again last night. Even now, a big part of him still wanted to. He did not deserve any praise. 

“I’m not,” he suddenly croaked out. “A good father. I -”  

Wei Ying cut himself off as he noticed Yuan padding his way over to the door. Wei Ying cleared his throat and turned away for a moment to try to re-compose himself, just as Yuan banged his little fist against the glass door.

“DAAAAAAAD!” Yuan shouted. “DAAAAAAAD!”

Yuan had the absolute worst timing, but honestly he was surprised they had gotten as much time to talk as they had with how clingy Yuan had been recently. Mercifully, Lan Zhan simply tolerated the yelling and banging as he stood and silently waited until Wei Ying was ready and had turned back around before finally sliding the door open. 

“Yes, Yuan?” Wei Ying asked, as patiently as he could muster, though his voice still wavered slightly. 

“I’m done with my juice!” 

Wei Ying desperately needed a minute. He glanced at Lan Zhan. “Can you…” 

Lan Zhan nodded, and then went inside and closed the door as he said something to Yuan that Wei Ying could not hear. Yuan nodded in response and seemed content enough with Lan Zhan’s attention, so Wei Ying turned back around and went to sit on a bench further down the balcony and out of sight. 

He felt exhausted and the day had not even really started yet. He wasn’t sure if he and Lan Zhan had really resolved anything or not. It felt like it should be resolved. They’d both apologized. But there was still something else gnawing at him. With everything else going on, this felt ridiculous. A disagreement with Lan Zhan should not be his most pressing concern, but it rattled around in his brain and the untethered feeling wouldn’t leave him. Something felt disconnected between them, that Wei Ying had not even known had existed until now that it felt gone.

He needed to pull it together. He was only supposed to be staying here temporarily, anyway. He was not supposed to be getting this comfortable or reliant on Lan Zhan. He had to get back home to Yuan.

Though, if how he felt right now was any indication, he obviously wasn’t really ready to move back home yet. He did not trust himself to stay clean long term, he wasn’t even sure he trusted himself to stay clean today. 

But right now he had time with Yuan and here he was wasting it throwing himself a pity party alone. It was this thought that finally motivated Wei Ying to stand back up and go back inside. 

He was greeted by the sound of some soft piano music, the smell of incense, and the sight of Lan Zhan and Yuan on two side by side yoga mats. He huffed out a laugh. Leave it to Lan Zhan to still manage to get his yoga in. How he had managed to convince such a rambunctious toddler to join him, Wei Ying had absolutely no idea. Still, when Lan Zhan transitioned into a new pose, Yuan looked very focused and determined as he tried to copy him. It was very cute. 

Wei Ying plopped down on the couch that was still covered in bedding and rolled onto his side to watch them. He found himself oddly mesmerized by Lan Zhan’s graceful movements. That, and the music and the incense were deeply relaxing, and he had not slept well at all. At some point, he felt his eyes drifting shut. 

He jerked his eyes open again and found that the yoga had ended and instead there was a tray with breakfast on the table in front of him. He frowned as he sat up and looked around, but Yuan and Lan Zhan were not in the living room. He really had not meant to fall asleep. 

He felt a bit better after the rest, but he still had a lingering pit of anxiety in his stomach. He ignored the food and instead went to search the apartment. He found Lan Zhan and Yuan in the office. Lan Zhan was at his desk grading papers, and Yuan was sitting on the floor with headphones on, intently watching something on Lan Zhan’s laptop. 

“What are you watching?” Wei Ying asked him. 

“SHHH” Yuan shushed him aggressively. 

Wei Ying lifted his hands in apology. “Sorry,” he muttered. 

He walked over to peer at whatever it was Yuan was so engrossed in. It was some video teaching colors and numbers and letters. It looked terribly boring and educational. There weren’t even any cartoon characters in it. Just a slideshow on a screen. He turned to Lan Zhan.

“You’re making him watch this?”

Lan Zhan didn’t even look up from his papers as he responded. “He is getting a head start before he starts his pre-school.” 

Wei Ying’s stomach sank at Lan Zhan’s comment. 

“What pre-school? I missed the interview, remember?” he bit out in annoyance. 

“Wei Ying has another interview on Monday,” Lan Zhan replied casually. 

Wei Ying frowned, but chose not to point out the fact that just because Lan Zhan apparently had enough pull to get him a second interview didn’t mean they were going to overlook the fact that he flaked on the first one, on top of all the other reasons he was a terrible candidate for the job. Instead, he decided to avoid the subject entirely. 

“Yuan, do you want to go on an adventure with me?” he asked instead. 

“I’m busy,” Yuan answered, not even looking up from his screen. 

Wei Ying frowned. “Lan Zhan, what have you done to my child?” 

Lan Zhan did not respond. Wei Ying glanced back and forth between the two of them, both of them so engrossed in their boring studious activities that they couldn’t even be bothered to entertain him. He huffed in disbelief. 

He wasn’t actually upset about Yuan wanting to learn. He loved it, actually. But he had no idea what to do with himself. He still felt very antsy and he did not feel like he could just sit around all day. It had only been a couple minutes of this and it was already starting to drive him mad. 

“I guess I’ll leave you two to it,” he muttered anyway.

He turned and left and went back to the couch. He glanced at the food that had been left for him, but still had no appetite, so instead he plopped down on the couch and turned the TV on, though he couldn’t really find it in him to pay attention to that either. So he stood up and went to take a shower and change clothes and try to feel human again. He wasn’t sure if it worked or not. He still felt restless.

But when he came back out of the guest room, Yuan suddenly came barreling at him.

“Don’t run,” Lan Zhan said from behind him.

Surprisingly, Yuan obediently slowed to a walk. Wei Ying frowned. Lan Zhan must have this kid under some sort of hypnosis because Yuan never listened to Wei Ying when he told him not to do something. 

“Dad, come on! We’re going to the zoo!” Yuan squealed excitedly as he finally reached Wei Ying and grabbed his hand. 

Wei Ying shot Lan Zhan a questioning glance, but Lan Zhan was simply looking at him expectantly, like he was the one unreasonably holding them up from these plans that he was just informed of 10 seconds ago. He shook his head and laughed at the absurdity of it. 

Internally, he felt massively relieved. The zoo sounded like a great distraction from how he was feeling, and Yuan had never been.

“Okay, let’s go to the zoo,” he agreed. 

Apparently, Lan Zhan loved animals.

Wei Ying knew about the bunny thing. He’d found out about that in high school when he went to work on a project at Lan Zhan’s house that one time. He’d just been sitting on Lan Zhan’s bedroom floor, talking and trying to distract Lan Zhan from actually doing any work, when all of a sudden something nudged him from underneath Lan Zhan’s bed. He screamed, Lan Zhan jumped at the sudden sound, and then Wei Ying peered under the bed just to find that Lan Zhan apparently was hiding a rabbit under there. The anxious look on Lan Zhan’s face immediately told Wei Ying that Lan Zhan was not supposed to have that bunny. Lan Zhan was breaking a rule. Wei Ying could not hold back the grin that overtook him at that moment. He could have raised hell with that information, but instead he kept Lan Zhan’s secret. After all, it was cute that someone as rigid and no-nonsense as Lan Zhan apparently had a secret bunny.

But he didn’t realize that Lan Zhan was a big old softie for all things furry. He wasn’t sure who actually had a better time at the zoo, Yuan or Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan seemed so excited to teach Yuan about each of the animals. He knew weird facts, like the fact that zebra stripes keep bugs away and sloths move so slowly that they grow food on their fur and gay penguins kidnap straight penguin’s eggs so that they can raise children. He even knew all of the animals’ names, which meant he must come to the zoo a lot. 

Yuan took in all of this information with wide-eyed fascination. Though, Wei Ying couldn’t help but feel amused when Yuan asked Lan Zhan what a gay penguin was and Lan Zhan suddenly had to try to explain the concept of being gay to a three year old. Then Yuan asked why the gay penguins couldn’t just have their own baby and Lan Zhan looked panicked as Wei Ying stifled a fit of giggles at the predicament Lan Zhan had found himself in.

Lan Zhan also bought Yuan way too many things from the gift shop. Toys, a storybook about animals, t-shirts, a bear backpack… 

“Lan Zhan, he doesn’t need all of this,” Wei Ying tried to insist. 

Lan Zhan didn’t listen, of course. He just made the purchases anyway. 

It was admittedly a good day. Yuan fell asleep almost as soon as they were back in Lan Zhan’s car, his hands wrapped around a stuffed giraffe that Lan Zhan had bought him. Though, as soon as he was knocked out, Wei Ying felt a renewed tension between him and Lan Zhan. 

He didn’t even know why. They had been getting along all day, and Lan Zhan had been attentive and loving to Yuan. He clearly did not have any negative feelings about Yuan like Wei Ying had originally worried about. Yet, Wei Ying felt way less secure around Lan Zhan than he had before last night. 

Luckily, before things could get too awkward, Wei Ying’s phone rang. He pulled it out to see that Wen Qing was calling.

“Hey,” he answered as Lan Zhan pulled the car out of the parking lot. 

“I’ve got your money,” Wen Qing said. 

It took Wei Ying a moment to remember what she was talking about, before he realized he still owed The Tiger the funds from the yin he had given to Wen Qing. 

“Oh, sure,” he said, trying to act casual. “I can bring Yuan home now.” 

Lan Zhan glanced at him, and Wei Ying looked away. He tried to ignore the disappointment he felt at having to take Yuan back, but he needed an excuse to go to Wen Qing’s and he also knew he wasn’t ready to go back to being with Yuan full time. Spending time with him was good, but Wei Ying had some work to do to figure out this Xue Yang thing. Not to mention trying to figure out the rest of his life.

“Okay, we’ll be here,” Wen Qing responded. 

After Wei Ying hung up the phone, he looked back at Lan Zhan. 

“We have to head to my apartment,” he said. 

Lan Zhan almost looked disappointed too, that Yuan was going home. But he simply nodded and started to drive in that direction.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying knew Lan Zhan would notice when he and Wen Qing snuck away to his old bedroom. So Wei Ying didn’t linger to chat. He pocketed the profits and headed right back out to the living room so as to not give Lan Zhan too much time to think about what they might be up to. 

Leaving Yuan was hard. Yuan did not want to be left at the apartment, he wanted to stay with Wei Ying. And how was Wei Ying supposed to explain why he was leaving again? He promised Yuan he would be back soon, which did not do much to ease Yuan’s tears, and Wei Ying ended up having to just leave while he was still crying. It did not feel good. 

Lan Zhan, thankfully, said nothing. He did not ask Wei Ying why he was leaving Yuan. He just stood silently beside him as Wei Ying stopped outside the apartment door to take a shaky breath, then followed him back out to the car again. 

The drive back to Lan Zhan’s place was quiet. Wei Ying was wallowing in the guilt of leaving Yuan behind again, and Lan Zhan did not press him to talk about it. 

Then, back at Lan Zhan’s apartment, everything was too quiet. He already missed Yuan’s presence. But he had to get this money back to The Tiger, so he couldn’t dwell on it. He used the very real sadness he felt as an excuse to leave again.

“I’m going to go out for a bit,” he said to Lan Zhan as Lan Zhan removed his own shoes and jacket in the front hallway. “I could use a walk.” 

Whether he believed the excuse or not, Lan Zhan made no move to stop him. So Wei Ying headed back out, and got right back on the subway to head to The Tiger’s apartment. 

He paid what was owed and realized that still left him with a good chunk of cash from his share. He hesitated when The Tiger asked if he was going to make any purchases of his own. He shouldn’t. He very much knew the answer needed to be no. And yet, he was itching for it.  

He ultimately did manage to say no. It was more difficult than it should have been.  Still, he knew that he didn’t want it. He’d had a good day with Yuan and Lan Zhan. Even though leaving him sucked and he still had a lot of other shit to deal with, he was motivated to get back to Yuan. Buying drugs would not help him do that. So he lied and told The Tiger he was short on rent, because you can’t exactly tell your supplier that you’re trying to get clean without causing a lot of problems for yourself. 

When he walked back into Lan Zhan’s apartment, Lan Zhan was just finishing making dinner. But he seemed tenser than he had been when Wei Ying had left. His brow was furrowed in worry about something. 

“Hey,” Wei Ying prompted to break the silence between them, suddenly feeling nervous all over again about the lingering tension between them. Did he have suspicions about what Wei Ying had been doing? Was he upset about it?

Lan Zhan glanced at him, and then finished plating their food before fully turning to focus on him. He took a deep breath. 

“I need to show you something,” Lan Zhan said. That made Wei Ying even more anxious.

Then Lan Zhan picked up something from the counter and brought it over to Wei Ying. It was an envelope, addressed to Lan Zhan. Why was he handing Wei Ying his mail? 

It took another moment before Wei Ying saw the return address. 

He suddenly did not need to open it to know what was inside it. Of course Lan Zhan would receive an invitation to the wedding. He was a member of the Lan family, after all. They would be inviting all the prominent families in the city. That’s how these things worked. 

Despite already knowing what it was, a morbid curiosity caused Wei Ying to open it and pull out the actual invitation. It was beautiful. It had a purple trim and golden cursive letters. 

You are invited to the marriage of Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan.  Wei Ying ran his fingers over the words. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan interrupted him, causing Wei Ying to break from his trance and look up at him. “Do you want to go?” 

Wei Ying was slightly surprised by the question. “It’s your invitation,” he answered, putting it back in the envelope. 

He knew it was a non–answer, but he couldn’t go and he also desperately wanted to go and couldn’t bring himself to say he didn’t want to. 

“I have been given a plus one,” Lan Zhan said slowly. 

Wei Ying tried to laugh that off. “They gave you a plus one to bring a date, Lan Zhan. Not me.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t respond. He just grabbed their plates and took them to the table, so Wei Ying followed. Not that he had much of an appetite. The sight of the wedding invitation had carved something out of him and suddenly he felt very numb. He poked at his food without much interest.

“I am sure your sister would want you to attend,” Lan Zhan suddenly interrupted their silent dinner to broach the subject again. 

Wei Ying bit back a serious reply, because he really didn’t want to talk about it. He laughed again instead, still trying to keep the mood light. 

“What would people think? Your brother and Meng Yao already found me in your bed and then you bring me as your plus one to a wedding? You should find a real date before people start spreading rumors about you.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t push the issue any further. He just tightened his lips slightly, an indication that he wasn’t going to say whatever else was on his mind. 

For some reason, it was this lack of a reply that pushed Wei Ying over the edge. He pushed his plate away from him. He had no appetite. He suddenly wished he had said yes to The Tiger after all. He didn’t want to think about this wedding or deal with this at all but now he was confronted with it, and it pissed him off. It wasn’t Lan Zhan’s fault, but Lan Zhan was sitting here, and somehow that made him angry at Lan Zhan too. 

“If you have something to say, then say it,” Wei Ying challenged him. 

Lan Zhan didn’t take the bait of Wei Ying obviously looking to pick a fight. He simply lowered his eyes and stayed silent. 

Wei Ying knew he was being an asshole. He didn’t even know why he was being like this. They’d already talked about the Yuan thing, but even after that was resolved, he was just inexplicably upset with Lan Zhan, and he knew it wasn’t fair or rational. He needed to walk away.  

“I’m not hungry,” Wei Ying mumbled as he stood up and went to the guest room. 

He sat alone in his room for about an hour. He tried to draw, but he couldn’t sit still. Eventually he became so restless that he decided he was going to lose his mind in there too. He kept thinking about the cash he had from Wen Qing’s sales, and how he should just go back out and buy something to take the edge off. It would be so easy…

Eventually, he got so fed up with himself that he stood up and grabbed the cash and went to find Lan Zhan instead. He was sitting on the couch grading papers.

“Here,” he said, thrusting the money at him.

Lan Zhan stared at the cash for a moment before looking up at Wei Ying questioningly. 

“To pay you back for the clothes,” Wei Ying explained. 

Lan Zhan’s brow furrowed in disagreement. “That is not necessary.” 

“Will you just take it?” Wei Ying asked irritably, still holding it out. 

After the second request, Lan Zhan slowly reached out and took the cash from him. 

“I’m still working on paying back the rest,” Wei Ying said. 

Lan Zhan gave him a slight nod, but he seemed even stiffer and quieter than usual. Maybe he was fed up with Wei Ying’s moodiness today. That was understandable.

Wei Ying figured he should probably leave Lan Zhan alone again if he was already getting on his nerves. He turned around and went back to his room. Except this time, he was only there for a few minutes before Lan Zhan knocked on his door. 

“Wei Ying,” he prompted as he opened it slightly. “Can we speak?” 

Wei Ying sat back up in his bed and nodded reluctantly. He wasn’t really ready for this lecture. 

“Have I made you uncomfortable?” Lan Zhan asked.  

That was not what Wei Ying was expecting. He frowned slightly. Lan Zhan had gone above and beyond in helping him. If anything, it was Wei Ying being rude and making things uncomfortable.

“No,” Wei Ying answered. “Of course not.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t seem persuaded. “You know that I do not need this money, and I know that you do,” he said hesitantly.

Wei Ying sighed. He had no idea why paying Lan Zhan back was such an offensive thing, but for some reason even doing that was wrong, apparently. He shook his head and stared at his bed for a moment. He decided he needed to be honest.

“I gave you the money so I can’t go get high with it,” Wei Ying confessed, still staring at the bed. 

He couldn’t even manage to look at Lan Zhan to see whatever expression he might have, but based on the momentary silence and the fact that he did not ask anything else about it, Lan Zhan seemed to accept the answer. 

“I am not worried about what people will think,” Lan Zhan then said instead. “If you come with me to the wedding.”

Wei Ying sighed. “Lan Zhan,” he muttered in frustration. He was so tired of thinking about it. “I can’t deal with this right now, okay?” 

Lan Zhan was silent for another moment. When he did speak again, his tone was quieter. 

“Of course. I apologize.” 

With that, he heard Lan Zhan turn and leave the room. Wei Ying closed his eyes for a moment. He was not sure why this wedding was such a big deal to Lan Zhan, but he seemed really upset that Wei Ying refused to go.  

And, for the second night in a row, Lan Zhan had not invited Wei Ying to stay in his room. That was probably for the best. Wei Ying needed to learn to be alone. But it felt awful and left him with an even bigger knot in his stomach. 

Reluctantly, he got under the covers and laid back down. He already missed Yuan. He felt like he was straining things between him and Lan Zhan. He had no idea what to do about Xue Yang and the Jins. And he hated that he had to miss this wedding. 

Letting out a heavy sigh, he rolled over and tried to stop thinking about it.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying did not sleep well. He tossed and turned and wished he was in Lan Zhan’s bed, then remembered that he had somehow gotten himself uninvited from Lan Zhan’s bed, and then his thoughts started to spiral as to why. He knew it was weird to be so obsessed over this, but he just couldn’t figure it out. 

At first he thought it had something to do with Lan Zhan’s resentment towards Yuan and the Wens. But they had talked about that and it didn’t feel like that was it. Lan Zhan had even taken Yuan to the zoo! 

Still, it was very obvious something had changed the other day. Lan Zhan went from inviting him to stay in his bed every night to a very clear boundary that he needed to sleep alone. 

All Wei Ying could keep coming back to was that he was too much for Lan Zhan. He was causing so much chaos here. After all, since moving in here he had stolen Lan Zhan’s drugs and been the subject of a search warrant on the apartment, made Lan Zhan bail Wen Ning out of jail, made him put up with a toddler for a few days, and on top of that he was constantly acting like a complete ass. Lan Zhan liked peace and quiet and Wei Ying had come back into his life like an explosion of trouble. And it was right after that search warrant and the Wen Ning thing that Lan Zhan had shut him out.

Actually, when he thought about it that way, it wasn’t that hard to imagine why he was kicked out of Lan Zhan’s bed. Maybe he should be surprised he hadn’t been kicked out of the apartment. 

On the few instances he did start to fall asleep, he dreamed of Xue Yang hurting his sister and repeatedly woke up with his heart racing. 

Around 5am, he could no longer lay there with his thoughts, so he sat up and tried to brace himself for another day. Then he rolled out of bed, pulled on a clean shirt and some jeans, and decided he was going to go for a walk or something. Anything was better than rolling around in this bed feeling like this.

He didn’t make it to the door. Lan Zhan was in the kitchen. Of course he was up this early even on a Sunday. 

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan said his name in greeting, but it sounded emptier than it used to.  

Wei Ying took a breath and then reluctantly forced a smile. 

“Lan Zhan, don’t you ever sleep in?” he tried to tease. 

Lan Zhan didn’t seem to hear the question, he just stared at Wei Ying with a slight frown. It was an uncomfortable silence.

“Would you like some coffee?” Lan Zhan eventually asked. 

“Oh,” Wei Ying said, slightly caught off guard by the question. “Uh, sure.” 

He wasn’t going anywhere in particular anyway, so his walk could wait for a cup of coffee. Coffee was good. Even though Lan Zhan didn’t drink coffee, only tea, so that was kind of confusing that he would be offering it. Did he even have a coffee maker?

Lan Zhan went to the kitchen. Wei Ying sat down on a kitchen stool and watched as Lan Zhan opened a cupboard and pulled out a small french press and what looked like a brand new bag of coffee. He was silent as he made the coffee, and then set the mug down in front of Wei Ying. Wei Ying took it and took a sip. Lan Zhan was still watching him with a hard to read expression on his face. 

“I’m sorry if I was a jerk last night,” Wei Ying muttered as he set the mug back down, trying to break the silence. 

“You were not,” Lan Zhan answered, but he remained stiff like he felt uncomfortable in the conversation. 

That wasn’t going to do. They needed to figure out this weird tension between them because it was driving Wei Ying completely mad at this point. 

“I definitely was,” Wei Ying replied. “That wedding invite just messed with my head.” 

Lan Zhan seemed to hesitate for a moment, before reluctantly responding.

“Because it will start a rumor about me,” Lan Zhan said slowly. 

Wei Ying frowned in confusion at that, before remembering the comment he had made, and then immediately shaking his head. Was he upset that Wei Ying had made such an insinuation? 

“No, Lan Zhan. That was just a bad joke. It has nothing to do with you,” he immediately clarified. “Yanli already invited me to the wedding before you did anyway. I just can’t go.” 

Lan Zhan’s brow furrowed slightly. “It is your sister’s wedding,” he said, as though stating the obvious. 

Wei Ying sighed. How did he explain this without explaining everything about Xue Yang and the Jins and the threat against his sister? 

“It’s complicated,” he said instead. 

Lan Zhan just continued to stare at him, as though waiting for a further explanation. Wei Ying crossed his arms over his chest, feeling uncomfortable under Lan Zhan’s gaze. He stared back at Lan Zhan, calculating. Lan Zhan had not given him any reason not to trust him lately. Maybe high school Lan Zhan was a rat, but this Lan Zhan had even stood up to his own brother for Wei Ying. Despite the current weird distance between them, maybe he could be trusted.

“If I tell you something you can’t tell anyone,” he finally said, testing the waters. 

Lan Zhan nodded, which was as good a promise as anything. Lan Zhan was not one to lie. 

“I… the other day, when Yuan called you to my apartment and I was… well, anyway, I was assaulted on the street that morning.” 

Lan Zhan’s face didn’t really react, but he did respond. “The bruises on your ribs,” he said. 

Wei Ying nodded. “Yeah. It was this guy that used to work for the Wens.” 

“Xue Yang?” 

Wei Ying raised an eyebrow. Lan Zhan apparently knew more about this world than he thought. Guess that’s what happens when your brother is lead detective of the narcotics unit.

“Yep. And after he attacked me, he threatened Yanli. Only the thing is, I had no idea why or what I did to piss him off. I’ve tried pretty hard to keep myself off the radar since…” he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence or talk about his parents. He cleared his throat. “Anyway, Wen Qing thinks he organized the raid the other day too. The one that ended with a search warrant of your apartment. She and Wen Ning were trying to help me figure out why he was targeting me. That’s when Wen Ning got arrested. And they found out that he’s uh… he’s working for the Jins.” 

That revelation did get Lan Zhan’s eyes to widen. Wei Ying knew it would. Nobody would ever suspect the Jins of anything like this. 

“The Jins,” Lan Zhan repeated, as though trying to make it make sense. 

“Yeah. So I can’t go to the wedding because I need to keep my sister out of this,” Wei Ying finished. 

Lan Zhan sat with that information for a minute before carefully responding. 

“You need to go to the wedding,” he said solemnly. 

“Did you not hear what I just said?” Wei Ying asked incredulously. 

“She is already involved. You can only keep her safe if you find out why. Staying away from her will not help you do that.” 

Wei Ying opened his mouth to argue, but then realized he didn’t know what to say. Lan Zhan’s reasoning actually made sense, and he wanted to go to the wedding, but…

“No.” He wasn’t even sure why he said it so aggressively, but a pit of anxiety developed in his stomach at the thought of actually going to this wedding.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan replied firmly. 

“I’ll be a problem if I’m there,” Wei Ying suddenly blurted out before he could stop himself. “I will ruin Yanli’s big day.” 

Lan Zhan frowned at that. “Why would you say that?” 

“You know how these people are! Everyone will be whispering about me being there instead of focusing on her. People will be scandalized. Jiang Cheng especially will hate that I’m there.” 

He didn’t voice the rest of his thoughts, about how the rest of Yanli’s family should be there and can’t, and it was Wei Ying’s fault. Still, the unspoken words seemed obvious, and Lan Zhan hesitated, clearly unsure of how to respond. 

“It is up to you,” Lan Zhan finally said slowly. “But from what I know of your sister, I do not think she cares about people’s opinions as much as she cares about you.” 

Wei Ying cleared his throat and blinked away the tears that were suddenly threatening to fall. He took another sip of coffee just to have something to do. He hated that Lan Zhan was pushing this and he hated that he wanted to go so desperately that it was working.

“Fine,” he eventually muttered. “Then I need my money back.” 

Lan Zhan looked at him questioningly. 

“I need to buy a tuxedo for the wedding.” 

So that’s how they ended up back at the mall, this time at a formal wear shop to get a custom fitted tuxedo. Wei Ying felt anxious the entire time. He could not believe he was agreeing to this wedding. He did not feel excited. He felt dread. 

Lan Zhan accompanied him, but it was not as fun as their last trip to the mall. Partially because Wei Ying was so overwhelmed with anxiety about this damn wedding, and partially because Lan Zhan’s shift in demeanor was not making him feel any better. He was acting so detached these past couple of days.  

He wasn’t being cold. He walked alongside Wei Ying, answered Wei Ying when Wei Ying asked him questions, and entertained Wei Ying’s constant barrage of talking like he always did. And of course, Wei Ying was doing his best to not let Lan Zhan in on how awful he felt. He made sure to keep conversation light. 

But it was small things that were different. He didn’t offer to buy Wei Ying lunch this time. He didn’t carry Wei Ying’s purchases for him. He just wasn’t the calm, comforting presence that he used to be. These were stupid things to care about, Wei Ying knew. He shouldn’t have the expectation that Lan Zhan would do these things. But part of him felt disappointed for some reason anyway. It hurt. Way more than it should.

By the time they got in the car to come back home, Wei Ying thought back to what he had considered last night and started to feel even worse. Maybe his constant presence really was annoying Lan Zhan. Maybe he was talking too much and causing too much trouble, and this new revelation about the Jins was even more of a burden to put on Lan Zhan. Maybe Lan Zhan just needed some of his peace and quiet back. 

So on the drive back, Wei Ying tried to sit still and stop annoying Lan Zhan. He wasn’t sure if he succeeded or not. Lan Zhan was so hard to read sometimes. 

When they got home, Wei Ying went to hang his tuxedo in his closet and then decided to go back out for that walk he was trying to go on this morning. Except now, it was mostly to give Lan Zhan some space, since Wei Ying had basically invaded his whole life non-stop recently. Lan Zhan didn’t say anything as he left. 

He stayed out for most of the day. Not doing anything or going anywhere in particular, just wandering the city and trying to stay out of the way. He didn’t head back to the apartment until it was starting to get dark out. 

When he did get home, he saw that Lan Zhan was already in his room. 

So Wei Ying went back to his too quiet guest room for a third night of being alone. He would have to get used to it. 

_ 

The next day, Lan Zhan was already at work when Wei ying woke up. It was Monday, which meant it was the day of his re-scheduled interview, which Lan Zhan had texted him to remind him about. He had slept through the morning and part of the afternoon but still woke up a few hours before the interview. Definitely enough time to get ready and take the subway to get there. 

And yet, he just… didn’t go. He stayed in bed, feeling hollowed out and miserable.

He didn’t have an excuse this time. No Yuan to take care of or early morning search warrants to throw off his day. And he knew Lan Zhan would be disappointed in him. But he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He knew he wasn’t going to get the job anyway, and he wasn’t up for putting himself through that. 

Plus, on the off chance he did get it, he would then be invading Lan Zhan’s life at both home and work, and he was already clearly getting on Lan Zhan’s nerves enough. He did actually call and cancel the interview this time, though. There was no point in wasting the interviewer’s time again. That would just be rude. 

He didn’t tell Lan Zhan. He couldn’t bring himself to. He figured someone at the school would tell him when he went looking for Wei Ying after his classes. Part of him wondered if this would be the final straw that got him kicked out of Lan Zhan’s apartment. Part of him wondered if maybe that’s what he wanted. If maybe that would be a good excuse to go get high.

He so badly wanted to go get high. 

That desire spiked the moment he heard Lan Zhan opening the door of the apartment and he suddenly wanted to be anywhere but here and he ached desperately to feel nothing. Wei Ying did not sit up in bed even as he heard the click of the lock and then Lan Zhan’s quiet footsteps as he walked in. 

He braced himself for the confrontation. Listened as Lan Zhan went through his routine of hanging his coat and keys. But instead of coming to find Wei Ying, his footsteps got further away. 

Wei Ying waited with bated breath for a while longer, but it didn’t seem like Lan Zhan was coming to talk to him about the interview at all. 

Eventually, Wei Ying took a deep breath and then forced himself to go out and face Lan Zhan, just to find him sitting on the couch grading like it was any other afternoon. 

“Hey,” Wei Ying muttered nervously. 

Lan Zhan glanced at him briefly in acknowledgment, before returning his gaze to his work.

Wei Ying wasn’t sure what to make of this. Was he angry? Had he simply given up on trying? The lack of a reaction was cold and foreign and ended up feeling even worse than getting lectured. 

“Are you mad about the interview?” Wei Ying asked. 

Lan Zhan glanced up at him again. “I am not ignoring you, I am just working,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying frowned. That was a non-answer. Which meant he was mad, because Lan Zhan only gave non-answers to get around the fact that he had always been somehow completely incapable of lying. Still, Wei Ying wasn’t going to push the conversation. Not today.

“Okay,” he mumbled. 

Then he turned to the door, put his shoes on, and left. He could feel a palpable tension in the air as he opened the front door to walk out, but Lan Zhan still said nothing. He didn’t even look up at him as he left, or if he did, it was not soon enough to catch the please ask me to stay etched in his expression.

He wasn’t sure why he felt like there was a hole in his chest, or why this emotional distance between him and Lan Zhan these past few days was so fucking painful, but he felt awful. Whatever had been broken between them on the day of that search warrant was not getting better. If anything, it was getting worse. 

He wasn’t going to cry, though. He was tired of spinning in circles around this confusion and hurt. He wanted the feeling to go away. 

He still had a little bit of cash leftover from buying his tuxedo, but he could get more if he spent the night dealing. 

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself, knowing it was a bad idea even as he pulled out his phone to do it anyway. 

He didn’t let himself think about it. He just went through the routine he was used to. Text The Tiger, pick up the drugs, sell the drugs, return the profits, buy the drugs. 

He didn’t buy yin. He told himself that made it okay. Yin was the problem. Yin was what always ended with him nearly dead or ruined his life. Because yin made him feel weightless and nothingness and like he was floating in bliss, but it also caused problems. The other stuff only made him numb, not weightless, but it was safer.  

Once again, he did not return to the apartment until late, and once again, Lan Zhan had already retired to his room. Wei Ying did the same, and he stared at the bag of pills he had purchased, before taking two out and swallowing them and curling up in a ball on his bed.

Chapter Text

Weeks. It had been weeks of quiet tension in Lan Zhan’s apartment. They never talked about it. Lan Zhan still acted mostly normal. To anyone else, nothing would seem any different about him. It was hard to notice with someone like Lan Zhan, who to most people seemed stiff and guarded all the time. But Wei Ying had seen a different side of him and could definitely tell the difference now, and it sucked. 

Lan Zhan was being polite. That was something he had never been with Wei Ying. Not back in high school when he considered Wei Ying to be the equivalent of an annoying fly buzzing around his head, and not later when they became friends, and not even after that when they fought about Wei Ying starting to get involved with drugs. In all those years, Lan Zhan had been a lot of things, but he had never been polite.

The tension between them only seemed to be growing, too. Wei Ying could feel it constantly in the way they tip-toed around each other. To avoid it, he spent more and more time out of the apartment, dealing for cash, and then in his room, taking pills. 

Lan Zhan didn’t seem to notice that part of things. Wei Ying was pretty good at hiding it, after all. He’d hidden his drug use from Wen Qing pretty well, and she was far more nosy and perceptive to drug use than Lan Zhan was. Which was good, because if Lan Zhan found out, he’d certainly kick Wei Ying out, and then what would he do? He would officially have absolutely nowhere to go.

He knew he needed to stop. To get clean again and move forward with his life. He needed to find a job and stop just wasting time in Lan Zhan’s apartment waiting to see how long it would take before he completely wore out his welcome. And yet, he didn’t do any of those things. He just kept dealing and taking pills to avoid the ache that came with thinking about any of this too hard, while waiting for the inevitable day when he was kicked out.

After all, wasn’t that just how it worked with people? He stopped counting how many foster homes he got kicked out of when he was younger. He learned to accept that it was just the way things were, until Jiang Fengmian finally adopted him. Jiang Fengmian had been different. No matter how much trouble or chaos Wei Ying caused, Jiang Fengmian had somehow never given up on him. He should have, though. His kindness is what got him killed, in the end. 

Though, Wei Ying would have gotten kicked out of that home a lot sooner if Madam Yu had her way. And eventually he did technically get kicked out of that family too, didn’t he? Jiang Cheng had made that clear. Then recently the Wens had kicked him out too. That was just the way things went for Wei Ying. 

Not that he didn’t deserve it. Especially with the Jiangs. He’d never fucked up so badly in his entire life than by selling Yin to the wrong people and getting his parents killed for it. But even before that, he knew that every home he’d ever been bounced from, he’d done it to himself. His foster care worker even told him that once, as she moved him to yet another placement. Do you know what self-sabotage means, Wei Ying? Do you realize that these people want to give you a good home and you refuse it by causing trouble? Can you just try to make this one work instead of acting out and pushing them away? 

But he was Wei Ying. He was a magnet for trouble and he never knew how to stop causing it. No matter how hard he tried to be good, he always ended up doing something wrong.

The social worker had not been wrong, though. It wasn’t always on purpose, but sometimes it was. At a certain point, when he could sense that a foster home was getting tired of him, the anxiety and uncertainty of waiting to see when he would be kicked out was worse than it actually happening. So sometimes Wei Ying just ripped the band-aid off. At least then, he could feel like he was in control of it. If he was choosing to leave a home, that was easier to swallow than wanting to be wanted and instead getting kicked out. He definitely learned quickly how to push the right buttons in people to make them snap, when he wanted to. He was damn good at it.

Now Lan Zhan was getting tired of him, and it was achingly painful, and maybe he just needed to rip this band-aid off too. 

He knew that Lan Zhan was too nice to just tell Wei Ying to leave, even if he had already clearly stayed too long. Wei Ying needed to be the one to end this arrangement, because Lan Zhan wouldn’t do it.

So he packed his bags and made up his mind to say goodbye to Lan Zhan tonight, even if he had no idea where he was going to go. 

Except then Lan Zhan came home several hours early, which Wei Ying had not been emotionally prepared for. He picked up his backpack and duffel bag anyway, and took a steadying breath before going out to confront Lan Zhan in the living room. 

Lan Zhan glanced at him with his bags as he approached, but did not seem surprised or upset. That confirmed Wei Ying’s suspicion, that he was just politely waiting for Wei Ying to leave. 

“Tell me you did not shove your tuxedo in a duffle bag,” was all Lan Zhan said in a disapproving tone. 

Wei Ying paused for a moment, surprised at just how uncaring that response was. He thought Lan Zhan would at least be kind about the goodbye. 

“What?” he asked, trying not to show how much the statement hurt. 

“Your tuxedo,” Lan Zhan replied again, very seriously. 

Wei Ying blinked, trying to stay composed and orient himself to Lan Zhan’s absurd priorities. 

“No, I just forgot it,” he muttered, dropping his bag to go get the tuxedo that was hanging in the closet. It wasn’t a lie. He had not thought about the tuxedo hanging in the closet because he had not thought he would be going to the wedding if he was leaving Lan Zhan. 

When he came back out, tuxedo in hand, he was even more confused because now Lan Zhan was standing in the living room and he also had a suitcase. 

“I will pack it in mine,” he said, reaching out for Wei Ying’s tuxedo. 

Wei Ying frowned at him for a moment, before it dawned on him what the misunderstanding was. 

It was a destination wedding, of course. That’s what rich families like the Jiangs and the Jins do. Wei Ying had done his best to put the whole wedding thing out of his mind completely, still not thinking he was actually going to go. But it was this week, and Lan Zhan had apparently made travel arrangements for today, hence the coming home early and having a suitcase packed. And he thought Wei Ying’s bags were packed for the same reason. 

Nevermind the fact that he never told Wei Ying about the travel arrangements, and didn’t seem to question how odd it was that Wei Ying just happened to be packed and ready to go anyway.

Well, fuck. Wei Ying didn’t know what else to do, so he put on a smile and pretended that this was the plan all along as he handed his tuxedo to Lan Zhan. 

They didn’t speak much on the way to the airport. Wei Ying was not sure what to say, considering he’d been about to dip out completely five minutes before they left. 

Soon after, they were on a plane and Wei Ying was suddenly so anxious that he wanted to ask a flight attendant if they had a parachute so he could just jump out of the plane. He had not had time to think about it in the whirlwind of everything, but now it finally dawned on him. He was going to the wedding. There was no backing out now (which, come to think of it, was probably why Lan Zhan had not warned him about the flight in the first place). 

He was not ready and he was far too sober and on edge for this. 

He was so on edge that as soon as the flight took off and the flight attendant offered them complimentary glasses of champagne, because of course Lan Zhan had booked them first class, Wei Ying accepted for the both of them and downed both glasses immediately.

Lan Zhan watched him do it, but said nothing about it. It’s not like he was going to drink his anyway.

Wei Ying was not sure if Wen Qing expected complete sobriety from him or not. She hadn’t in the past and had accepted the idea of him drinking when she thought he wasn’t using drugs. But he’d actually started off careful this time, since he’d actually been trying to get his life together. Now, it was a moot point and anyway, he’d been up to worse these past few weeks, so he figured a couple glasses of champagne was a better alternative to actually jumping off the plane. 

It did little to soothe the pit in his chest and stomach, and by the time the plane landed, he felt like he was going to vibrate out of his skin. 

Still, he followed Lan Zhan to the car that Lan Zhan had apparently arranged to pick them up and then into the giant luxury hotel that the Jins had apparently reserved in its entirety for wedding guests. They were so fucking pretentious. 

Lan Zhan went to the desk to check them in while Wei Ying stood anxiously against a pillar in the lobby, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he was here. 

A few minutes later, however, as he scanned his eyes around the lobby, he suddenly froze.

Yanli saw him at just about the same moment he saw her, and her polite smile that she was giving to whoever she was greeting dropped in surprise. Wei Ying smiled slightly and gave her a small wave, and she covered her mouth with her hand as she looked like she was about to cry. The small group of people she was with all looked over at him too now, of course, but a moment later she was running across the lobby and then he was being pulled into a very tight and tearful hug. 

“Wei Ying,” Yanli cried into his shoulder. “You’re here!” 

“Hi,” he muttered in a shaky voice as he returned the warm hug, and tried somewhat poorly to not reciprocate the tears. He held on for a moment, just sinking into the feeling of his sister’s hug again, before he finally cleared his throat and pulled away slightly to look at her.

“It’s been the biggest mystery since we got Lan Zhan’s reservation with a plus one, wondering who his date was, but I didn’t think…” she trailed off, starting to cry again. 

“I’m not his date,” Wei Ying rushed to clarify, wanting to immediately put those rumors to bed for Lan Zhan’s sake. 

“Just his surprise wedding gift,” Lan Zhan interjected as he approached, apparently done checking them in and also wanting to immediately clear up any rumors. 

“Thank you,” Yanli muttered as she enveloped Lan Zhan in a tearful hug as well, which he awkwardly accepted as he nodded slightly. 

It was only now that Wei Ying had a chance to look around and see everyone in the hotel lobby and realize they were all watching this dramatic reunion. Lan Zhan’s brother and uncle were standing by the hotel doors, and Lan Qiren looked about as disgruntled as he always used to all those years ago when Wei Ying caused trouble at his school. Several other people were scattered about with judgmental looks on their faces. And Jiang Cheng was off in a corner watching with an unreadable expression on his face. 

Wei Ying suddenly felt extremely out of place. Everyone was dressed nice. Not formal, like they would be on the day of the wedding, but still nice. And here he was in ripped jeans and a stained t-shirt, because he had no idea when he got dressed this morning that he would end up here, and he was definitely being stared at like he was a large cockroach in the middle of an otherwise pristine hotel lobby. He tried to ignore all the eyes on him and turned back to his sister, though he felt like the room was spinning. 

“It’s been a long flight,” he said, shifting his weight awkwardly, suddenly itching to be anywhere but here. 

“Of course,” Yanli smiled. “I’ll let you get settled. I’m just so glad you’re here!” She pulled him into one more tight hug before reluctantly releasing him.

Wei Ying glanced at Lan Zhan, who nodded and led him towards the elevators. They had left their bags with the driver Lan Zhan had hired, and found them already in the hotel room waiting for them. 

On the one bed.

Great. Lan Zhan had reserved a plus one and everyone thought he was bringing a date, so they gave him one room and one bed. Wei Ying was supposed to be trying to get away from Lan Zhan, to give him his space and his life and his privacy back, and instead they were going to be stuck in this stupid hotel room together for who knows how long, because Wei Ying didn’t even know how long Lan Zhan had booked the trip for.

Wei Ying suddenly felt angry. Why had Lan Zhan done this? Why did he let everyone think he was bringing a date instead of warning everyone it would be Wei Ying? Why had he not asked for two rooms or at the very least two beds? After all, he was the one who had made it clear back at the apartment that Wei Ying should not be in his bed. 

Apparently he had been staring at the bed in silence for too long, because Lan Zhan spoke up in the first words either of them had actually said to each other since they were leaving the apartment, and he seemed to be thinking something similar. 

“I can ask them to bring up a rollaway bed,” Lan Zhan said. 

“Sure,” Wei Ying answered, unable to keep the slight edge out of his tone. “I’m going to take a shower.” 

With that, he grabbed his duffel bag and headed to the bathroom. He locked the door, turned on the shower, and then started to rifle through his things. He hadn’t even brought any nice clothes, because he had not packed this duffel bag in anticipation of being in this situation. Other than the tuxedo that Lan Zhan told him to grab, all the nice clothes they had bought that first time at the mall were still hanging in the closet in Lan Zhan’s apartment. He had picked what to pack expecting to be looking for someone’s couch to crash on, not expecting to be here. That made him even angrier and more uncomfortable about this whole situation. Lan Zhan could have given him a fucking warning. 

Regardless, he found what he was looking for and pulled out the bag of pills. It had been pure luck that he had somehow gotten this through airport security, because again, he had not been anticipating any of this. He couldn’t take any now, even though he desperately wanted to. But he was in too close of quarters with Lan Zhan and Lan Zhan would definitely notice if he was high right there in front of him. For right now, he just wanted to make sure they were still there, since his bags had been out of his hands for a while. He shoved them back into the bag. Then he stripped his clothes and stepped into the hot water to take a long shower, before changing into shorts and a different t-shirt to sleep.

By the time he emerged, Lan Zhan had already gotten the rollaway bed brought up, as well as apparently ordering room service for them. Wei Ying wasn’t hungry, though. He was still angry and miserable and he felt kind of restless and trapped in this hotel room. So he walked right past the food and towards the rollaway bed. Before he could actually get into bed, though, Lan Zhan spoke. 

“Wei Ying,” he said quietly. 

Wei Ying reluctantly turned around to face him. 

“Are you okay?” 

The question seemed very genuine and just being asked it did immediately ease a little bit of the tension in the room. After all, Wei Ying didn’t want things to be like this between them, especially right now. If he was going to face all of these people for the next few days, he’d prefer to at least have Lan Zhan as his ally, instead of having to have a guard up with him too. Still, he didn’t quite know how to actually answer that question at this point.

“Not really,” he finally answered honestly. “You didn’t even tell them I was coming.” 

He was upset about way more than that, but that seemed to be the easiest thing to actually express. He tried to keep his voice even, but it was clear that he was mad and Lan Zhan hesitated before responding.

“I did not know if you would actually get on the plane,” Lan Zhan explained. “I did not want to make a false promise.”

Wei Ying figured as much. Lan Zhan knew him well. He knew that Wei Ying would have probably flaked on this wedding if given the opportunity.

“That’s why you didn’t even tell me about the flight,” Wei Ying accused.

Lan Zhan nodded slowly. “I should not have tried to hide it from you,” he said apologetically. “I am glad you figured it out.” 

Wei Ying didn’t correct his mistaken understanding of what had actually happened this morning. He just sighed.

“I just don’t think I should be here right now,” he said honestly. He didn’t say I am using drugs again and definitely not okay or ready for this, but it was as close to a confession as he was going to give. 

“Your sister was happy to see you,” Lan Zhan responded, completely missing the point. 

Wei Ying didn’t know what else to say, or how to articulate the rest of what was going through his mind, so he decided to just drop it. He really didn’t want to fight about it. 

“It’s been a long day, I’m going to bed,” he said instead. 

“You can have the full bed,” Lan Zhan offered. 

Wei Ying considered, for a moment, asking why Lan Zhan had insisted on a rollaway bed in the first place after they’d spent multiple nights sharing a bed in his own apartment. He considered asking what happened to make things change. But ultimately he decided he was tired of trying to navigate a serious conversation, and maybe he didn’t want to hear the answer. So he just shook his head. 

“I’m fine over here,” he answered firmly, walking to the rollaway bed and pulling the covers back.

Lan Zhan didn’t say anything else, so Wei Ying crawled into the bed and curled up on his side, facing away from Lan Zhan. A few moments later, Lan Zhan clicked most of the lights off as he started to pad around quietly and get himself ready for bed too. 

Wei Ying felt incredibly anxious as he listened to Lan Zhan’s movements and thought about what was in store for him at this wedding.

Eventually, Lan Zhan seemed to fall asleep, his movements stopping and his breathing evening out. Only then did Wei Ying roll over and reach down into his bag and pull out a couple of pills, swallowing them dry, before zipping it up again and waiting for them to take effect and let him forget about all of this for a while as he drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying could have slept several hours beyond when Lan Zhan woke him up the next morning. Taking painkillers to sleep always left him feeling sluggish and drowsy in the morning, and his brain was still spinning slightly even as Lan Zhan spoke to him. But apparently there was a big welcome breakfast for everyone this morning that they were supposed to go to. It was fine, he just needed some coffee and he told himself that he’d be great. 

Reluctantly, Wei Ying rolled out of bed and dragged himself to the bathroom to get ready. As he brushed his teeth and tied his hair back, he decided that he was just going to have to roll with the fact that he had no nice clothes for these events. He would pretend he was dressed this way on purpose, to cause trouble. Because that’s what Wei Ying does, he causes trouble. 

Lan Zhan gave him a very odd look as he came back out of the bathroom in skinny jeans and a crop top, but Wei Ying figured if he was going to stand out, he might as well go all out for it. 

“Let’s go,” Wei Ying said, already headed for the door before Lan Zhan had a chance to comment on his choice of outfit. 

Lan Zhan silently followed him out of the room and down to the hotel restaurant. Several people were already seated, including Lan Zhan’s brother and uncle as well as a couple other people from Lan Zhan’s extended family. Wei Ying didn’t miss how Lan Zhan tensed slightly at the sight of them. 

Wei Ying started to lead them to an empty table, feeling absolutely desperate for a cup of coffee, but they were intercepted by none other than the peacock himself. 

“Wei Ying,” he said tentatively as he stepped in front of them. He also greeted Lan Zhan with a small nod before looking back at Wei Ying. “Yanli would like it if you two would sit with us.” 

Wei Ying glanced at the table he was gesturing to. Seated there was Yanli, of course, as well as Jiang Cheng. Beside him were two empty seats. Then there were Jin Zixuan’s parents, and another empty seat that Wei Ying presumed was Jin Zixuan’s to finish out the circle.

Wei Ying immediately dreaded the idea, but he could not say no to his sister’s earnest face looking over at him. So he tried to play it cool as he led Lan Zhan over to the table. The elder Jins did not look happy to see him, and Jiang Cheng scowled at him. But Yanli beamed at him as he took a seat next to Jiang Cheng. 

Wei Ying was grateful that as soon as they sat down, a waiter was at the table already ready to take their orders. 

“Coffee,” Wei Ying immediately said as soon as the waiter approached. It earned him a glare from pretty much everyone at the table, since he had rudely ordered first, and he sheepishly smiled. He was no longer used to the formalities and table manners of the rich.

After the waiter had taken everyone else’s orders, he glanced at Wei Ying again waiting for a food order. That’s when Wei Ying realized he had no idea what was actually on the menu. Luckily, Yanli jumped to his rescue, ordering for him. This breakfast was not getting off to a good start. 

What was worse was that Jiang Cheng was still glaring at him, clearly unhappy that he was even here, and Lan Zhan was not going to be great at buffering any awkward conversation, since he was… well, Lan Zhan. He would let them all drown in an awkward silence if it was up to him. 

“This is a really nice place for a wedding,” Wei Ying said, trying to break the tension that his presence had clearly created. 

“And yet you’re dressed like that,” Jiang Cheng grumbled. 

Yanli gave Jiang Cheng a chastising glare, before turning to smile at Wei Ying. “Isn’t it beautiful?” she asked excitedly. She turned to Jin Zixuan’s parents. “I’m so grateful to the Jins, of course, for everything they’re doing to make this into my dream wedding.”

“Well of course, we’re very excited to be welcoming you into the family,” Madam Jin said with a polite smile. 

Wei Ying had not forgotten, of course, that it was very likely that someone in this hotel was behind the threats Xue Yang made. He eyed the elder Jins and Jin Zixuan for a moment, though he wasn’t sure what he was looking for. The Jins also had a lot of extended family. It would be difficult to figure out who it was. 

“I can’t wait to see the dress,” Wei Ying said to his sister. It was a genuinely excited comment. As kids, he and Yanli had spent countless hours planning her future wedding. It was something Jiang Cheng always found boring and stupid, but he and Yanli talked about it all the time. 

Yanli giggled, but something about the comment made Madam Jin bristle. Wei Ying chose to ignore it. 

“Is Jiang Cheng one of your bridesmaids?” he teased, another reference to their childhood planning. 

Jiang Cheng glared at him even harder. Luckily, he was saved from being physically attacked by the waiter showing up again with their beverages. Wei Ying reached eagerly for his coffee as soon as it was placed in front of him, taking a large drink despite it being hot. 

“Actually,” Jin Zixuan spoke up a moment later, “I know it’s late notice, but I was wondering if you would be one of the groomsmen.”

Wei Ying nearly choked on his coffee and had to put it down.

“What?” he asked, trying not to cough and looking over at Jin Zixuan. Jin Zixuan and Wei Ying had never seen eye to eye. Aside from that time Wei Ying almost punched him in high school, they kept a careful distance from each other. Him asking Wei Ying to be a groomsman was about the last thing Wei Ying ever expected. Not to mention, the elder Jins looked extremely displeased at this request, which meant they did not approve. 

“It would mean a lot,” Zixuan answered, ignoring the reactions of everyone around him and looking at Wei Ying. Wei Ying could read the unspoken for Yanli in his gaze. So he nodded. 

“Okay, sure, I’d be honored,” he said with as smooth of a smile as he could manage to recover. 

“I trust you will be dressed more appropriately at the reception,” Madam Jin finally addressed him, her distaste evident in her tone. 

Wei Ying smirked. He should probably bite his tongue, but he didn’t do well with people like the Jins criticizing him. 

“Why does everyone keep commenting on my outfit?” he asked. “Lan Zhan likes my style, don’t you Lan Zhan?” 

Lan Zhan did not respond other than to glare at Wei Ying, the tips of his ears turning pink, probably hating that he was being drawn into the conversation at all. Wei Ying laughed. 

“Wei Ying,” Yanli chided him gently, but she was unable to hide a smile at his antics. 

“It’s a disgrace,” Jin Guangshan suddenly spoke up. “A dishonor to the Jiangs.” 

That comment suddenly turned the tone of the conversation on it’s head and Wei Ying felt a surge of anger flare up in him, but before he could even think of an equally cutting response, Lan Zhan was reaching under the table and grabbing his forearm tightly in an effort to keep him reined in. 

In a surprise moment, though, Yanli was the one to speak out. 

“With all due respect,” she said to Jin Guangshan in a fiery tone, “you do not speak for my family.” 

Apparently surprised by Yanli’s reaction, Madam Jin immediately jumped in. “Yanli, dear, of course,” she smiled gently. “That was not the intention. I think what my husband meant to say, was simply that he hopes that Wei Ying will keep in mind the decorum that your family so generously taught him when they took him in.” 

Wei Ying continued to seethe and Lan Zhan’s grip tightened even more on his arm, but Yanli defended him again. 

“Madam Jin, your husband just called my little brother a disgrace and a dishonor to my family. There was no misunderstanding in what he meant, and I take that as a personal insult. Wei Ying is owed an apology.” 

At this point, Wei Ying noticed that the noise in the restaurant had dimmed significantly, and people seemed to be looking over at their table to see what was going on. Madam Jin seemed to have realized this too, because she became slightly flustered. 

“Yanli, please,” she insisted, maybe hoping that this whole debacle of a conversation could just be forgotten. 

Yanli, however, did not back down, her gaze firm. 

When it became clear after a moment that Jin Guangshan was not going to apologize, Jin Zixuan cleared his throat. 

“Wei Ying, I would like to apologize for my family’s behavior. It is clear they are in no place to be lecturing anyone on decorum,” he said boldly. 

Wei Ying swallowed, doing his best to keep himself calm as he turned his attention to Jin Zixuan. 

“Thank you,” he muttered. “Excuse me.” 

With that, he stood up from the table and fled. He quickly became aware that someone was following him. He assumed it was Lan Zhan, but when he stopped to wait for the hotel elevator, he turned and found Jiang Cheng standing there instead, looking pissed.

“What is wrong with you?” Jiang Cheng hissed at him. “Are you trying to ruin things for Yanli?”

Wei Ying clenched his fist. “I didn’t start it,” he argued back, in no mood for Jiang Cheng’s lecture right now. “You heard what he said.”

“Oh please,” Jiang Cheng scoffed. “You are going to act like you didn’t know what you were doing, coming down dressed like that.” He eyed Wei Ying in clear disapproval. “What were you thinking?” 

Wei Ying glared back at him, but didn’t respond.

Jiang Cheng huffed. “Why would you even come here in the first place?” he continued. Then he glared at Wei Ying again. “I knew it wouldn’t last very long,” he said angrily, eyes narrowed. 

Wei Ying froze slightly at that. He knew what Jiang Cheng was referring to, but the question was, how did he know? He’d kept his drug use pretty well hidden from Lan Zhan these past few weeks, but Jiang Cheng had already picked up on it?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Wei Ying answered just a beat too late. 

“Uh huh,” Jiang Cheng said in disbelief. 

Then they heard footsteps, and both of them turned to look at Lan Zhan walking over towards them. Jiang Cheng turned back to Wei Ying. 

“If you can’t show up properly for Yanli, don’t show up at all,” Jiang Cheng warned, before turning and walking off. 

Wei Ying would have loved to believe it was some sense of loyalty as to why Jiang Cheng was not immediately ratting him out to Lan Zhan, but he knew it was actually just Jiang Cheng still attempting to save face for his own sake. Wei Ying scowled at him as he left, before shoving his finger into the elevator button again. The elevator was taking too damn long. He completely ignored Lan Zhan as Lan Zhan approached and stood beside him. 

Mercifully, Lan Zhan didn’t say anything until they were back in the hotel room. Though, when he did finally speak, it was apparently not an attempt to make Wei Ying feel better. 

“There is tension among the Jins,” he stated flatly. 

Wei Ying glared at him in disbelief. “Yeah, real perceptive of you Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying bit out in irritation, still reeling from everything that had just happened. 

Lan Zhan stiffened slightly, but did not engage with Wei Ying’s hostile mood. 

“Jin Zixuan stood up to his father this morning,” he said instead, continuing to state the obvious. 

“He was just trying to support Yanli,” Wei Ying muttered. 

“Yes,” Lan Zhan answered. “It makes me wonder if his father is not supportive of the marriage.”

Wei Ying paused at that.  “You think he’s the one that is working with Xue Yang?” Wei Ying asked, finally realizing where Lan Zhan was going with this, though he found it a very difficult theory to believe.

“It is not enough to say,” Lan Zhan answered. “But it is strange to see Jin Zixuan speak out against his father in any way. He has always been known to be a loyal son.”

Wei Ying fought the urge to roll his eyes. All these wealthy Chinese families with their outdated traditions and expectations of being “loyal sons.” He tried to play the part for a while, but he never truly understood why a family’s image was more important than doing the right thing. 

“You were once known to be loyal to your family too, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said bitterly. “What does that say about your family affairs?”

Lan Zhan didn’t respond, he just stared at Wei Ying with a dark look in his eyes. Wei Ying knew it was a low blow. Maybe he was still pissed with Lan Zhan about this whole surprise wedding thing. Still, he took a breath and tried to soften his approach.

“I just meant, you act surprised that Jin Zixuan is standing up to his family, but is it really that weird? People fight with their family all the time. You know that firsthand.” 

Lan Zhan’s lips tightened slightly, but he did respond this time. “I doubt Jin Zixuan’s issue with his family is the same as mine,” he said curtly.

Curiosity got the better of Wei Ying, and he pushed the issue. “Which is what?” he asked. “What happened between you and your brother and your uncle?” 

Lan Zhan just glared at him. “Are you going to dress like that all day?” he asked, clearly deflecting and suddenly sounding very annoyed. 

Wei Ying did roll his eyes this time. Fine, if Lan Zhan wanted to avoid serious conversation, Wei Ying was an expert at that. 

“My god, you and Jiang Cheng and Madam Jin should all start a club,” he said as he stretched his arms above his head to flaunt his crop top even more.  

“Jin Zixuan invited us to his bachelor party tonight,” Lan Zhan answered as he looked away from Wei Ying’s shamelessness and stared at the wall. “There is a dress code.” 

Wei Ying had to bite back a smirk at the idea of Lan Zhan at any sort of bachelor party. Just the idea of it might make it worth putting up with the peacock again.

“We’ll need to go shopping then, I left all my nice clothes at home,” Wei Ying replied. 

He could see the question on Lan Zhan’s face, so he put on a mischevious smile. 

“You tell me about your family issues, and I’ll tell you why I do the things I do,” he challenged, raising one eyebrow. 

It was effective in shutting down any question that Lan Zhan might have asked about his failure to pack appropriately. Instead, Lan Zhan just turned and headed for the hotel door so that they could go and buy Wei Ying even more new clothes. 

The rest of the day was uneventful. They shopped, got lunch, then returned to the hotel where Lan Zhan read a book and Wei Ying sat and drew for a while. Wei Ying was doing his best to pretend none of the drama had happened this morning, and Lan Zhan was still just being polite and kind of distant, but whatever. That was probably for the best, all things considered. 

The more that Wei Ying thought about it, the less he actually wanted to go to this bachelor party. The initial thought had been fun, mostly because Lan Zhan and party did not seem like two words that should be in the same sentence. But once he realized that this meant an evening of Jin Zixuan and his friends, the idea was far less appealing. 

Still, he would play nice for his sister’s sake. So when the time came to get ready, Wei Ying dutifully pulled out one of the new outfits they had bought. The jacket he chose was red and flashy, but still far more appropriate than the outfit he’d worn to breakfast. 

Once dressed, Lan Zhan called the car and they headed to the club that Jin Zixuan was holding his bachelor party at. Wei Ying smiled as they pulled up. It was a high-end night club, but with a seemingly good crowd. Jin Zixuan might be an arrogant jerk with a stick up his ass, but he was still a rich kid that grew up in NYC. The younger generation of these rich Chinese families at least knew how to throw good parties. This was way more Wei Ying’s element than a stuffy formal breakfast with Jin Zixuan’s parents. Maybe this would actually be fun. 

Once they got past the bouncer, Wei Ying grabbed Lan Zhan’s wrist so as not to lose him in the crowds and led him through the nightclub. He first stopped by the bar to order a couple of shots to prepare himself for the night, which Lan Zhan said nothing about but did give the bartender his platinum card to open the tab, so Wei Ying took that as him at least not completely disapproving of Wei Ying’s actions. It was a good thing, too, because if he had had to pay for himself, Wei Ying was not prepared to explain the large chunk of cash he had on him from dealing lately. 

Then they found Jin Zixuan at a table in the VIP section, surrounded by friends Wei Ying didn’t recognize and, of course, Jiang Cheng was sitting at the end of the table looking as annoyed as always. Jin Zixuan smiled when he saw them and gestured for them to sit. It seemed like he had already had a couple drinks too by the way he looked like he might actually be capable of having fun for once. As soon as they sat down, Jin Zixuan placed two shots of alcohol down, one in front of each of them. 

“Thanks for coming!” he said, and it shockingly even sounded potentially genuine. 

Wei Ying smiled back, already feeling the buzz from his previous drinks and feeling like he might be able to actually have a good time tonight. “Thanks for inviting us,” he answered as he picked up his shot and downed it. Then he glanced at Lan Zhan for a moment, but Lan Zhan just slid his shot over to Wei Ying, so Wei Ying picked that one up and downed it too. 

“He doesn’t drink,” Wei Ying explained as he stood up and draped an arm around Lan Zhan’s shoulders. 

“Ah, right, I forgot,” Jin Zixuan nodded in Lan Zhan’s direction. “Sorry.”  

Lan Zhan said nothing, but the tips of his ears turned pink again and Wei Ying laughed and gave him a squeeze before letting go and reaching his hand out to introduce himself to all of Jin Zixuan’s friends, none of whom he would remember the names of by the end of the night. He pointedly ignored Jiang Cheng sitting at the end of the table. If he wanted to be a miserable jerk, he could do it all by himself tonight. Wei Ying was tired of fighting with him. 

Despite already being 4 shots in, Wei Ying had always had an exceptionally high tolerance for alcohol. He would need several more drinks to truly get drunk, but he would pace himself, for Lan Zhan’s sake. Also because Lan Zhan had a point earlier, and Wei Ying kind of wanted an opportunity to get Jin Zixuan drunk and ask him some questions, which meant he needed to keep some of his own faculties and schmooze his way through this a bit.

That endeavor did not take long. Jin Zixuan apparently did not have anywhere close to the tolerance Wei Ying had. 

“Listen, Wei Ying,” Jin Zixuan said, slurring slightly, a couple hours later. “Why were we always fighting in high school?”

Wei Ying saw this as his opportunity, and took it. 

“Because you were a jerk to Yanli,” he said coolly, leaning forward and raising one eyebrow. 

“Oh,” Zixuan said, nodding drunkenly. “I was kind of an idiot back then, wasn’t I?” 

Wei Ying smiled graciously, amused at how easy this was turning out to be. “Speaking of,” he said with a glint in his eye, “I think it’s my brotherly duty to interrogate you now.”

Jin Zixuan laughed slightly. “I already got the third degree from Jiang Cheng over there before I even was allowed to propose, but sure, do your worst.” 

Wei Ying pretended to consider for a moment, before very casually leaning back and saying, “Your family didn’t seem too happy with their future daughter-in-law this morning. Do I sense some family drama?” 

Zixuan grinned and shook his head. “My parents love Yanli even more than they love me,” he denied. “It’s you they can’t stand.”

Wei Ying put a hand to his chest and opened his mouth in mock offense. 

“I am shocked,” he said dramatically. “What could they possibly dislike about me?” 

Jin Zixuan rolled his eyes, but then his voice turned slightly more serious, though still drunk. “Listen, Yanli is a better person than anyone I know. She clearly cares about you, so I -” Jin Zixuan pointed dramatically at himself, “am on her side. My parents are just very traditional and set in their ways. I’m sure it’s no secret that they disapprove of your life choices.”

“Hm,” Wei Ying hummed as he sat back again. He still didn’t necessarily like Zixuan, but he could admit that he seemed to have grown up a little since they knew each other in high school. 

“You’d never let anyone hurt her?” Wei Ying suddenly asked, narrowing his eyes at Zixuan again. 

“I’d die for her,” Zixuan answered. 

“Good.” Wei Ying didn’t say anything about how there was a very real threat against her, because it seemed pretty clear Jin Zixuan had no idea about it. It also seemed based on his answers that it was highly unlikely Jin Guangshan and Madam Jin specifically were involved with someone like Xue Yang. Wei Ying nodded his approval. “You can marry her, I guess.” 

Jin Zixuan laughed again. “Thank god,” he answered sarcastically before standing up from his seat. “Time for another round,” he declared as he went over to the bar to order another tray of shots for the table. 

Now that Wei Ying had accomplished his mission, he figured he could also let loose and have some real fun. So after he took his next shot, and Lan Zhan’s next shot because apparently Zixuan was drunk enough to forget again, he turned to Lan Zhan. 

“Let’s go dance,” he suggested, grabbing Lan Zhan’s wrist. 

Lan Zhan just looked at him like he was insane, which was fair, because he honestly could not picture Lan Zhan trying to dance on a dance floor even in his wildest imagination. He grinned. 

“Suit yourself,” he laughed as he dropped his wrist and left the VIP section to go out to the dance floor. 

Lan Zhan just stared at him over the railing as Wei Ying started to sway his hips to the music with a mischievous grin on his face. It didn’t take long before some girl was inching her way over and trying to dance with him, and she seemed like she was just having fun so Wei Ying entertained it and danced with her for a bit before the song ended. He looked back over at the VIP table, but Lan Zhan was no longer watching him and had his back turned. 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes. Lan Zhan was such an old man at heart, just sitting quietly in a nightclub, stone cold sober, with Jin Zixuan and Jiang Cheng and a bunch of people he didn’t know. Wei Ying decided to have mercy on him and go back to entertain him. 

On his way back, he swung by the VIP men’s room, reserved for people with the fancy shmancy wristbands that Jin Zixuan had bought them all. Wei Ying didn’t even want to know how much they cost in a private club like this. Probably more than he made in a year. 

He didn’t think to knock, though, and when he walked in, he froze for a moment when he realized it was occupied. Two of Jin Zixuan’s buddies were there, and they were definitely snorting lines of cocaine.

"Close the door!" one of them hissed. So he quickly stepped in and locked the door to avoid exposing their activities to the whole world.  

“Care to join?” one of them asked Wei Ying. 

It occurred to Wei Ying that neither of them would know that Wei Ying was supposed to not be doing drugs, and therefore it was unlikely they would think anything of it if he accepted. And he was just bordering on drunk enough to think it was a good idea. 

Fuck it. He nodded, and one of the guys handed him a small glass straw. Wei Ying proceeded to do a line, and then tipped his head back, relishing in the feel of the drug taking effect. He laughed and one of the other guys laughed with him. 

Fuuuuuck. He loved this feeling. It wasn’t often he got his hands on high quality coke. 

He couldn’t relish in the moment for very long though, because a moment later someone knocked on the door, like Wei Ying probably should have before he came in here. One of the other guys quickly inhaled the last line before grabbing the pocket mirror they’d cut it on and shoving it in his back pocket. Then he pulled his friend in for a deep kiss as the drug hit him. Wei Ying’s eyes widened slightly. Okay, not just friends, then. That was definitely unexpected, since Wei Ying had been watching these two flirt with girls all night.

Finally, the guy pulled away and winked at Wei Ying and they both turned and opened the bathroom door and walked out. 

Standing on the other side of the door was none other than Jiang Cheng. Of course it was. Jiang Cheng glared at the two guys as they walked past him, but then he turned and saw Wei Ying and his face turned to an absolute scowl. 

“Are you kidding me?” he hissed angrily. After all, Jiang Cheng might not know the details, but it didn’t take a genius to make some guesses about what someone like Wei Ying might be doing with people who were basically strangers in a single stall bathroom. 

“Fuck off, Jiang Cheng,” Wei Ying muttered as he made to walk past him too. 

He made it out of the bathroom, but before he could actually make it past his brother, his back was suddenly being slammed hard into a wall, his head hitting the concrete, as Jiang Cheng pinned him to it and a fist suddenly made contact with his jaw.

“Oi!” Wei Ying heard a shout from somewhere, and then there were people immediately pulling them apart. 

Wei Ying blinked and tried to get re-oriented. His head was ringing slightly, though he couldn’t tell if it was from the cocaine, the alcohol, or being slammed into a concrete wall. He saw that Jin Zixuan and another of his friends had grabbed Jiang Cheng to pull him back, while Lan Zhan was the one holding his own arm.

Then the bouncers showed up a moment later to not so politely ask them all to leave. It was all a bit of a whirlwind but Wei Ying and Lan Zhan somehow ended up outside and separated from everyone else, waiting for Lan Zhan’s driver to pick them up.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan muttered in concern as he reached out to press a finger against Wei Ying’s jaw where he had been punched. Wei Ying didn’t really feel any pain from it, though he was sure he would eventually when he wasn’t as high as he was right now. 

“It’s fine,” Wei Ying answered. “I deserved it. Honestly, I’m shocked it’s taken this long for Jiang Cheng to finally land a blow, all things considered.” 

Lan Zhan frowned at that statement, but didn’t respond. He just reached for the door of their car that had just pulled up and opened it for Wei Ying to get inside. 

“We need to go to the hospital,” Lan Zhan instructed the driver once they were both inside. 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes. “Lan Zhan, I’m fine. It was one punch. It doesn’t even hurt.” 

“You hit your head,” Lan Zhan answered, in a tone that made it clear this was not up for debate. 

Wei Ying sighed. It was a losing battle, so he stopped fighting it and let the driver take them to the hospital. 

The problem with sitting in a waiting room at the ER, though, was Wei Ying still had cocaine thrumming through his veins and sitting still and being quiet was not really on his agenda. He didn’t want to be here and he tapped his fingers anxiously on his leg and rambled to Lan Zhan for twenty straight minutes about how much he hated hospitals and did not need to see a doctor because he was fine and he didn't even have health insurance.

Lan Zhan tolerated his rambling, but didn’t seem to have many thoughts about it, so eventually Wei Ying got bored with the topic. 

“Hey, you remember the blue shirt guy and the black shirt guy from tonight?” Wei Ying asked instead. He had already forgotten everyone’s names. “They were sitting towards the left side of the table.” 

“Mn,” Lan Zhan hummed in acknowledgement. 

“Did you know they’re gay?” Wei Ying asked with a grin, excited to have some gossip to share. 

Lan Zhan said nothing in response, but he did seem to tense slightly in surprise. 

“I know, crazy, right?” Wei Ying asked with a laugh. “I never would have guessed. They don’t seem like the type.”

At first, Lan Zhan still didn't respond. Then, just when Wei Ying thought he was going to have to find yet another topic to talk about, he spoke. 

“What is the type?” Lan Zhan asked.

“Oh, you know, just -” 

Wei Ying was interrupted by a nurse calling his name, so he trailed off and stood up to follow her. Lan Zhan stood up too. Wei Ying rolled his eyes at how overly cautious Lan Zhan was about Wei Ying’s head, because he was fine, but let him follow him to the room anyway. 

He immediately regretted it, though, when the nurse started to do his intake. 

“How many drinks have you had tonight?” she asked as she started to go down her checklist of questions.

“I don’t know,” Wei Ying shrugged. “Several.” 

The nurse showed no reaction as she marked the answer on her clipboard. 

“Have you consumed any other drugs or medications in the past 72 hours?” she asked.

Wei Ying’s stomach immediately dropped. He wasn’t sure why he had not expected the question, but now Lan Zhan was sitting right there and there was really no getting out of this at this point. He could lie, but his immediate hesitation had already given him away and he was not sober enough to be convincing.  

“Yeah,” he muttered, suddenly very interested in staring at his own shoes. “Cocaine. And uh… oxy. Maybe also Xanax?” He’d lost track of the concept of 72 hours, so he just listed whatever he could remember taking recently. 

The nurse still had no reaction as she ran through the rest of her questions, but Wei Ying couldn’t bring himself to look up and see what Lan Zhan’s reaction was. 

Even after she told him a doctor would be in shortly and left, Wei Ying did not look at Lan Zhan. The room fell into a tense silence and Wei Ying fidgeted with the hospital bed sheet. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan finally said.

Wei Ying flinched slightly at the sudden unexpected breaking of the silence. But before Lan Zhan could say anything else, the doctor was knocking and entering the room, cutting off any additional conversation on the matter.

From there, the doctor asked him a few more questions, these ones seemed to be a test of his cognitive skills. Then he sent Wei Ying for a CT scan and they left Lan Zhan to wait in the room by himself. 

Two hours later, Wei Ying was completely cleared and discharged with a pack of ice for his jaw and a pamphlet for people struggling with substance use, the latter of which he promptly threw in the trash as they walked out of the hospital. There was surprisingly no medical bill at discharge, which made Wei Ying wonder if Lan Zhan had paid it while he was waiting, which made Wei Ying feel extra awful about the whole night. 

Lan Zhan called the car for them again. He seemed tense, but it was very late (or early the next day, technically) and Wei Ying was crashing from the combination of a cocaine comedown and the alcohol he had consumed tonight, plus he was just now starting to really comprehend the fact that Jiang Cheng had fucking punched him tonight, and he was thinking about how he had ruined Jin Zixuan’s bachelor party. All of that to say, he was exhausted and miserable and didn’t have it in him to start the conversation he knew Lan Zhan wanted to have. So he just got into the car and leaned his head on the window and closed his eyes. 

Lan Zhan didn’t press the issue as they rode back to the hotel, but the couple of times that Wei Ying opened his eyes and glanced over at him, he was frowning slightly and staring straight ahead, which didn’t feel good.

When they did get back to the hotel room, Wei Ying silently grabbed a hoodie and some shorts to change into and headed for the bathroom. Lan Zhan still said nothing. It wasn’t until he emerged that Lan Zhan finally spoke.

“Drink this,” Lan Zhan said, holding out a bottle of water.

Wei Ying glanced at him for a moment, then hesitantly accepted it and went to sit down on his bed. He supposed they had to have this conversation eventually, no matter how much he was dreading it. He’d already been planning to move out of Lan Zhan’s apartment. He just didn’t really want to hear Lan Zhan actually say it. 

But Lan Zhan seemed to be struggling to know how to start, because he was just staring at Wei Ying with that same frown on his face.

“Whatever you’re thinking, just say it,” Wei Ying sighed.

“When?” Lan Zhan finally asked. 

Wei Ying raised an eyebrow. “When what?” he asked. “When did I start using again?” 

Lan Zhan nodded. 

“The day of the job interview. The second one.” Wei Ying answered flatly. He wasn’t sure why this mattered, but figured there was no point in lying about it. 

Lan Zhan’s frown only deepened. 

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” Lan Zhan asked.  

Something about that question suddenly set Wei Ying off, his temper flaring.

“I tried, ” Wei Ying said angrily. “I tried that night, and I tried again after you forced me to come here. You didn’t care.”

Lan Zhan’s mouth opened slightly in confusion. 

Some part of Wei Ying knew that what he was saying wasn’t fair. It wasn’t Lan Zhan’s fault that he had left that first night to go get high. He was responsible for his own actions, and he had not really tried very hard at all to talk to Lan Zhan, so it was not a reasonable accusation. But he couldn’t help but feel angry anyway at the way Lan Zhan had been treating him so coldly with no explanation for the past several weeks. Some part of him wanted to hurt Lan Zhan the way Lan Zhan had been hurting him.

“And anyway, it’s none of your business,” he continued. “Why should I talk to you about it? Because you bought my kid some cereal and took him to the zoo? Because you let me crash at your place for a few weeks? Suddenly you think you have any say over how I live my life? We’re not married, Lan Zhan. You don’t get to tell me what to do.”

Wei Ying saw a flash of anger in Lan Zhan’s eyes, and he knew that something he had said hit home and succeeded in his goal of hurting him, but he kept going. At this point, he didn’t even feel like he could hold back, all of the tension and hurt of the past few weeks were boiling over.

“At least my foster parents got paychecks to take me in. You were foolish enough to do it for free. Why? Decided to take in a stray to feel good about yourself? Or were you truly just that lonely, now that you managed to even push your own family away?”

“Get out,” Lan Zhan suddenly hissed, a fire behind his eyes. 

“Gladly,” Wei Ying answered as stood up, snatched his duffel bag up off the ground, and left the hotel room without looking back.

Chapter Text

After being kicked out of the hotel room, Wei Ying didn’t have anywhere to go, and it only took a few seconds of walking to the elevators before his anger was replaced with a hollowed out feeling of regret. Why the fuck had he said all of those things to Lan Zhan? Lan Zhan had been nothing but kind to him, and Wei Ying had turned cruel over what, exactly? He didn’t even know. 

He pulled his hood over his head and wandered down the hotel hallway and into the elevator, with no idea where he was going. At least the place was a ghost town at this hour, which meant people wouldn’t see what a wreck he was. He was sure he looked just as terrible as he felt, considering all that had happened tonight.

Maybe he spoke too soon. The elevator doors shut and the elevator started to move, but stopped again just one floor below. The doors slid open again and none other than Lan Xichen stepped on the elevator with him. It had to be 5 or 6 in the morning at this point, and of course Lan Zhan’s brother would be the only other person in the world that woke up as obnoxiously early as Lan Zhan did.

Wei Ying said nothing, but Lan Xichen took one look at him and his expression grew hard.

“Is everything alright?” Lan Xichen asked suspiciously as the doors closed again. 

“Fine,” Wei Ying answered curtly. That was not at all true, but Lan Xichen was about the last person he wanted to deal with right now. This elevator suddenly felt way too slow.

Lan Xichen very clearly didn’t believe him, because he continued talking.

“I know how my brother sees things, but I am not my uncle. When he came out, it was not a surprise to me. But it was admittedly difficult on the family, and I know I did not stand up for him as much as I should have. However, I do not share my uncle's opinion on the issue and I do not seek to change him or attempt to punish him. I do not have any judgment towards you either.” 

It took Wei Ying a second to process what Lan Xichen had just said. 

Lan Zhan was gay? And of course, Lan Xichen thought Wei Ying was too, because he’d executed that search warrant on Lan Zhan’s apartment and found Wei Ying in Lan Zhan’s bed. 

Lan Zhan was gay and his family did not accept him, and Wei Ying had just used Lan Zhan’s strained relationship with his family against him out of anger. Holy fuck, Wei Ying really was an asshole. He didn’t even bother to correct Lan Xichen’s mistaken assumptions about him. He wouldn’t know where to start. 

That being said, Xichen was still a cop and Wei Ying had spent years of his life breaking the law. He could recognize this conversation as an interrogation technique pretty quickly. Building rapport, making Wei Ying feel more comfortable, hoping to get some information out of him. But Wei Ying was not dumb. He knew he was still under investigation, and he did not trust cops.

“You did execute a search warrant on him, though,” Wei Ying accused, his way of letting Xichen know that Wei Ying knew what he was doing and wasn’t falling for it.

“I wouldn’t have if it was just up to me,” Lan Xichen answered. “My partner insisted. He knew just as much as I did that he was not at fault for anything, but it was protocol, and he felt it would protect everyone if we just checked the box instead of looking like we were covering something up.” Then he eyed Wei Ying with a challenging gaze, like he was trying to get a reaction out of him. “I guess I should not have been surprised to find you were back in his life and the source of the problem. Lan Zhan was such a good kid growing up. You always were his only mistake.” 

Wei Ying didn’t really have anything to say to that and wasn’t going to take the bait, so he didn’t respond. 

“Speaking of protocol, I do have to ask, though,” Xichen said a moment later, still trying to push a conversation. “Did my brother do that to you?” 

He gestured towards Wei Ying’s face, and Wei Ying realized he was most likely sporting some sort of physical evidence of his altercation with Jiang Cheng earlier. 

“No,” Wei Ying muttered bitterly. “Your brother is just finally done making his mistake.” 

Lan Xichen seemed both relieved and concerned at that response, but at that moment, the elevator doors opened to the lobby and the conversation was interrupted by their need to step out of the elevator. 

Lan Xichen looked like he wanted to say something else, but Wei Ying cut him off.

“I don’t think Lan Zhan would want us to be having this conversation,” he said firmly. 

It was true. If Lan Zhan had not come out to Wei Ying himself, that meant he didn’t want Wei Ying to know. Especially because Wei Ying had specifically asked about what had happened with Lan Zhan’s family and Lan Zhan had declined to answer. So he would not appreciate knowing his brother had just accidentally outed him.

“And you don’t have any jurisdiction over me here, so I’m going to assume I’m free to go, detective .” Wei Ying said the last word with clear derision.

Lan Xichen tightened his lips, but conceded and nodded. 

“I understand,” Xichen said, though Wei Ying knew he didn’t. “Take care of yourself.” With that, he turned and walked away. 

Suddenly, learning this about Lan Zhan, a lot of things made sense. Not that these realizations made things any better. Especially because despite all of this new information and the guilt that came with it, he still felt a twinge of bitterness directed at Lan Zhan. It was something he couldn’t shake, even though he knew he was in the wrong. 

He still didn’t actually know where to go now. He felt so lost without having Lan Zhan to turn to.

When did it become like that? When did Lan Zhan become the anchor that kept him steady and why did he have to go and fuck it up?

He started walking again, wandering through the main floor of this massive hotel. Eventually, he found a small outdoor courtyard and he went to sit on a bench. He felt shivery and his body ached from the cocaine comedown. He didn’t know how to handle himself at this point. He wanted to be in bed. He wanted to take back everything he had done last night and this morning. He wanted to go home, to Lan Zhan’s apartment, and watch reality TV with him, and pretend he still had hope that he could be a better person.  

He pulled out his phone to type a message to Lan Zhan. 

Sorry for what I said to you, I didn’t realize what I was saying.

He erased it. He didn’t know how to apologize without telling Lan Zhan what he now knew, and he wasn’t sure he should do that. He started to type again. 

I’m sorry for all the chaos I caused last night.

He erased that too. It didn’t feel right to just pretend the fight didn’t happen either. He typed again.

Sorry.

He hit send. It wasn’t enough, but he didn’t have anything else in him. He just wanted to disappear into the ground he was sitting on. 

Next, he called Wen Qing. It was early, but with the time difference it would be a more reasonable hour back home. Still, the phone rang so long he almost thought she wouldn’t pick up. 

“Are you dead or dying?” she asked when she finally answered. “Otherwise, I’m at work and can’t talk.” 

Wei Ying’s brain was functioning too slow to come up with his typical kind of witty response. 

“No,” he answered. “Not dying.” 

Wen Qing must have heard how dejected he sounded, because she was slightly less harsh when she spoke again. 

“I can call you back when my shift ends?” she offered. 

Wei Ying shrugged, even though she couldn’t see it. “Sure,” he answered half-heartedly. Then he promptly ended the call and tossed the phone into his duffel bag. He dug deeper into his bag and pulled out the baggie of pills that he had stashed in there. 

He stared at the random assortment of drugs. He was beyond telling himself he didn’t have a problem and that he was in control. He knew that wasn’t true. He knew this shit kept destroying everything for him. His family, his friends, Lan Zhan, even his chance at being a father to Yuan. He knew that he had fucked it all up because he kept choosing to get high. 

He just… wasn’t sure that he could do better. Wasn’t sure he knew how to be anything different from the troublemaker he had always been. Wasn’t sure he knew how to do anything besides wait for the day he inevitably got kicked out of every place he ever tried to call home. That had been happening before the drugs, but the drugs at least never disappointed him. Getting high was the only home that always welcomed him in, no matter how horrible of a person he was. In fact, the more horrible he was, the more the drugs seemed to accept him as someone who belonged with them.

He considered that maybe he should just take all of the pills at once. Maybe he didn’t have to be such a problem for everyone around him anymore. He knew that was mostly just the misery of the combination of a hangover and a cocaine comedown and a long night talking, but it was a much easier solution to fantasize about than entertaining the idea that he actually had to figure out what he was going to do next. 

He didn’t swallow the whole bag of pills, as appealing as that sounded. He did, however, pull out two pills and swallow them just to try and turn off all the static in his brain and hopefully take the edge off how wired the cocaine was still making him, even though the high had completely worn off. Then he closed the baggie and shoved it back in his duffel bag, which he zipped closed.

The pills must have been strong ones, because the next thing he knew, he was no longer sitting on the bench but was instead laying on his side and someone was shaking him awake. 

He reluctantly opened his eyes a crack, but the sun was too blindingly bright now so he closed them again. He felt super groggy and like the world was slightly tilted. He just wanted to go back to sleep.

The person said something, but he was only half awake, so he didn’t process it. Maybe it was two voices, it sounded like two people were talking to each other. 

Then something was being shoved up his nose, and a moment later, his mind was startlingly and uncomfortably clear and he felt sick. He groaned. 

“What the fuck,” he muttered. Why were people assaulting his nose like that? 

“Sir,” a voice said right next to him. “Can you sit up?” 

Wei Ying opened his eyes again and saw two paramedics in front of him. Behind them, a small group of people were crowding around to watch, including Lan Zhan. His brother was standing beside him, gripping Lan Zhan’s arm. Wei Ying’s eyes searched the rest of the crowd, and landed on Yanli who was being held tightly by Jin Zixuan. A pit of dread developed in his stomach. He suddenly felt mortified.

He was ruining Yanli’s wedding. He had caused this huge scene, which was entirely unnecessary because he was actually completely fine, just high and sleeping on a bench. But still, it was Yanli’s wedding week and instead she had to see this. 

“Sir,” the paramedic prompted him again. His focus turned back to the men in front of him and he nodded, sitting up as per their request. 

They proceeded to check his vital signs and ask him basic questions like his name and birthday. Much of the crowd dispersed once they realized he wasn’t dying, but Lan Zhan and his brother, as well as Yanli and Zixuan stayed hovering nearby. 

One of the paramedics started to lecture him on the dangers of combining opioid medications with alcohol use, which Wei Ying already knew, but he had not felt drunk when he took the pills and besides, he was not ODing (he knew what that felt like and this wasn’t it). He had just fallen asleep. He told the paramedics this, but it turns out they didn’t seem to actually care that much about what the person passed out on a bench had to say.  

The paramedic then informed him they had administered narcan to reverse the effects of any opioids in his system and recommended transport to the hospital for observation and detox. Wei Ying declined. After all, he still didn’t have any health insurance and aside from being extremely ashamed, he really was fine. 

So the paramedics made him sign something saying he was refusing medical treatment and then warned him that the effects of narcan only lasted for a short period of time and that even though it had put him in a safe state for now, it also put him in immediate withdrawal which might make him feel tempted to use more. However, if he used again, the remaining drugs would still be in his system even if he couldn’t feel the effects of them, and he would be at high risk of overdose. He nodded, even though he really was totally fine. But if they wanted him to detox for a day, then whatever. Then the paramedics packed up their things and left. 

Wei Ying glanced at Lan Zhan for a moment, but then his attention was diverted by Yanli rushing over to envelop him in a tear filled hug. 

“Wei Ying,” she sobbed into his shoulder.

He wrapped his arms around her. He felt helpless as to how to respond. There was no adequate apology for causing a scene like this.

“I’m okay,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you on your wedding week.” 

Yanli stiffened at that, and then pulled back to glare at him angrily. “I don’t care about that,” she scolded. “I care about you.” 

Wei Ying had only seen his sister get angry a handful of times in his life, and he had never personally been the target of her ire before. It was admittedly terrifying. He certainly was not going to argue with her, so he nodded to show he understood. 

“The wedding is being postponed, actually,” Zixuan supplied from where he stood nearby, staring at his phone. “Rumors are already spreading and my family has decided it would be a scandal to hold it now.” 

Wei Ying immediately felt even more guilty, but one more glare from Yanli made any statement about it die on his tongue. Besides, even though he wanted to keep apologizing, he didn’t feel good at all. Whatever that narcan did to him really smacked him full force into withdrawal. His body suddenly hurt, his head was pounding, he felt jittery and nauseous,  and he did not have it in him to really have a meaningful conversation about anything. 

He glanced at Lan Zhan again and then looked away. He just wanted to go home. He found himself wishing Wen Qing was here. She would rip a new one into him for this, but she would also go into doctor mode and help him detox and she wouldn’t be feeling bad for him like Yanli was. It made him feel very uncomfortable.

Xichen seemed to realize at least part of his dilemma because he spoke up. 

“Well, I’m glad to see everyone is alright,” he proclaimed. “Perhaps we should give him some space,” he suggested to the group. 

Yanli nodded, but then pulled Wei Ying into another tight hug. Wei Ying swallowed and buried his face into her shoulder. He had missed her so much. 

Then she released him and let Jin Zixuan lead her back into the hotel. Xichen followed them out, but Lan Zhan remained where he was, his gaze fixed on Wei Ying. Wei Ying did not meet his eyes, but instead pulled his knees up onto the bench and stared out into the courtyard. So, after a moment, Lan Zhan came to sit next to him on the bench.

“Wei Ying,” he said cautiously when it became clear Wei Ying was not going to say anything.  

“I shouldn’t have said what I said to you,” Wei Ying said, still not looking at him. Because he wanted to apologize, but he was also incredibly angry. He didn’t know how to reconcile these things, especially when he didn’t know where the anger really even came from. 

“You should rest. Let’s go back to the room,” Lan Zhan responded, both ignoring the apology and acting as though he had never kicked him out in the first place. 

Still, Wei Ying was too mentally and emotionally drained to make any decisions for himself, and he had nowhere else to go, so he just went along with it and stood up. Lan Zhan grabbed his duffel bag and led him to the elevators. Wei Ying had no idea what time it was, but he did know Lan Zhan had been dealing with his shit all night and probably needed to sleep.

Sleep was at the top of the list of what Wei Ying wanted too. He wanted to curl up and pass out for a good long while. But he knew better than to think that would be an easy task now. 

Even though he knew that he had no other option, he wasn’t sure he even wanted to be here with Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan must have seen this in his demeanor, because he still seemed cautious as they entered the hotel room, like he wanted to say something but he also wanted to make sure Wei Ying wasn’t going to either bolt or blow up on him again. Eventually he did speak. 

“What do you need?” he asked.

Wei Ying didn’t even know how to answer that. Despite how horrible he felt about the fight they had just had this morning, and how mortified he felt about the events that occurred afterwards, he still found himself biting back a rude reply. He couldn’t quite pinpoint his frustration, but through all the guilt, Lan Zhan was still grating on his nerves. He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to tell himself to be nice. Lan Zhan was doing him a huge favor just by letting him back in the room, after all.

“Nothing,” he answered. “I’m fine.”

Lan Zhan did not respond, he simply started walking around the room gathering supplies. Another water bottle from the mini-fridge that he placed near Wei Ying’s bed. An extra blanket and pillow from the closet that he laid out on top of the bed. Wei Ying got the message. If he didn’t ask for something, Lan Zhan was just going to start to provide him with everything, because that’s the kind of person he was.

“Lan Zhan, stop,” Wei Ying muttered. “Can we just talk?” 

Even though he hardly had the energy for it, there was a huge elephant in the room, and unlike Lan Zhan, he did not feel comfortable leaving all of this unspoken any longer. 

Lan Zhan’s gaze was immediately on Wei Ying as though he was ready to listen to anything Wei Ying had to say. Wei Ying faltered at the intensity of it, but he had asked for a conversation so apparently that meant he had to actually say something. He went to sit on his bed before speaking. 

“I didn’t mean that stuff I said about your family,” Wei Ying started. “I was just feeling really… I don’t know. Hurt, I guess.”

Lan Zhan said nothing, but came to sit by him to show he was listening. 

“It’s just that,” Wei Ying hesitated before continuing. “Lan Zhan, you haven’t wanted me around for weeks,” Wei Ying finally said. “I know I’ve been nothing but trouble and drama since I moved in and that I’ve overstayed my welcome, so I get it, but at least do me the courtesy of being honest about it. I’d rather you just say it.” 

“I am always honest,” Lan Zhan replied. He didn’t sound offended by Wei Ying’s accusation, just slightly confused by it. “I did want you around.” 

Then, he seemed to catch what he had said. “Do,” he corrected himself. “I do want you around.”

Wei Ying wanted to believe him, but none of Lan Zhan’s recent behavior was adding up. 

“Okay, fine,” he suddenly challenged. “Since you’re always honest, explain to me what changed that made things go from you telling me I didn’t have to sleep alone to you suddenly making me sleep on a couch on the one night I actually didn’t have a bed of my own?” 

At that, Lan Zhan hesitated, and Wei Ying knew he had him caught. 

“You have a son,” Lan Zhan finally answered. 

Wei Ying felt himself get irritated again and he scoffed. So his first guess had been right after all. Lan Zhan had something against the Wens. 

“Okay, and?” Wei Ying asked. He wanted to hear Lan Zhan say it. 

But Lan Zhan didn’t answer, except to respond with a question. 

“Where is Yuan’s mother?” 

Wei Ying frowned at that curveball. “His mother?” he asked as he tried to process the question and why it was relevant. “She’s dead, I think.”

Lan Zhan looked sad about this answer, but Wei Ying felt like they had gotten off topic.

“Lan Zhan, I asked you a question.”

Lan Zhan took a deep breath, but then he responded. 

“I spoke with my brother on the night I went to get Wen Ning. He…” Lan Zhan paused to consider his words, then continued, “wanted to talk about my involvement with you. He told me to be careful.”

Wei Ying sighed. It didn’t surprise him at all to hear that Lan Xichen still felt that way about him, especially when Lan Zhan was asking him to bail Wen Ning out of jail of all things, but it still stung. Except Lan Xichen also had a major misunderstanding about the situation that Wei Ying knew Lan Zhan knew about.

“That’s because he thinks we’re dating,” Wei Ying answered.

Lan Zhan tensed, but then reluctantly nodded. 

“It made me realize that boundaries should be put in place,” he replied. 

Wei Ying was trying to understand, but he didn’t. Was that really what all of this had been about? A fear of his brother’s judgment? And if so, then why did Lan Zhan still insist on bringing Wei Ying to this wedding as his plus one, even after Wei Ying specifically pointed out what it would look like to other people? 

“I thought you said you weren’t worried about what other people think,” Wei Ying said. 

“I am not,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying sighed. This was like pulling teeth to get answers out of Lan Zhan. But ultimately, Lan Zhan could have whatever boundaries he wanted, even if they didn’t make any sense to Wei Ying. So he gave up. 

“Okay,” he sighed in exhaustion.

Lan Zhan hesitated again. 

“You are still angry with me,” Lan Zhan said, not really asking. 

Wei Ying really didn’t want to fight again. 

“Yeah,” he replied anyway.

“Because I made you sleep on the couch?” 

It sounded stupid when Lan Zhan put it like that. 

“No,” Wei Ying snapped, his exhaustion and misery causing his emotions to boil over despite himself. “Because you’re a coward, shutting me out because of your brother’s opinion about me and because you have something against Yuan. It’s the same old Lan bullshit.” 

Lan Zhan’s eyes widened. “Wei Ying, no,” he said, sounding horrified. “You’ve misunderstood.” 

“Then explain it to me.”

Lan Zhan seemed nervous, but he also seemed to understand the gravity of Wei Ying’s hurt because he didn’t break eye contact as he responded. 

“I am not worried about other people’s opinions,” he repeated. “I was worried about yours.”

Wei Ying didn’t say anything else. He didn’t know what that meant but he was tired of trying to pull answers out of Lan Zhan. Eventually, Lan Zhan continued on his own. 

“Xichen’s comment made me realize lines may have gotten blurred. Then I came home to learn that Yuan was your son, and I realized that you were clearly not even aware that I…” Lan Zhan trailed off. 

“That you’re gay?” Wei Ying finished for him. 

Lan Zhan nodded, his gaze lowering to the floor. 

Wei Ying sighed. He still had no idea what Yuan had to do with any of this, but he was maybe starting to understand some of what Lan Zhan’s concern was.

“I wasn’t aware,” Wei Ying answered honestly. “Not until I ran into your brother this morning. For what it’s worth, I don’t give a fuck if you’re gay or not.”

Lan Zhan still wasn’t looking at him and he knew his tone was much harsher than it should be for a conversation that was clearly vulnerable for Lan Zhan. But his head was pounding and he felt dizzy and he didn’t have the emotional capacity for this. 

So he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry,” he muttered. “I just feel like shit right now. Maybe we should table this conversation.” 

Lan Zhan still seemed distressed, but he nodded. Wei Ying tucked his feet under his blanket and pulled it over himself and turned to face the wall. He really was absolutely exhausted, but he also knew sleep was not going to be easy to come by after everything that happened. Still, it was easier to just stare at a wall than to keep facing all of his problems.

He listened as Lan Zhan stood up and closed the curtains and turned off the lights in the room, and then he closed his eyes and tried to sleep. 

Chapter Text

Wei Ying did eventually manage to fall back to sleep, but it was not the blissful nothingness he had achieved earlier with the help of the pills. It was fitful and he woke up very soon after covered in sweat and feeling very uncomfortable. Opioid/benzo withdrawal was not the same kind of unbearable pain as yin withdrawal, but it was a whole different type of physical and mental torture. And he had been using daily for quite some time at this point, so he knew it was absolutely going to be hell.

Still, even knowing that, he wasn’t prepared for how bad it already was. Hands down this had to be the worst detox he’d ever had. He wasn’t even eased into it with how abruptly his body was cut off from everything thanks to the narcan. It was intense.

He hated those paramedics for ruining his high and he was convinced that whoever invented the concept of hell was actually just detoxing from drugs. He kicked his covers off and groaned as he rolled onto his stomach to try and get more comfortable. When rolling over didn’t help, he sat up and yanked his hoodie off since he felt so hot. Then he rolled back onto his side and curled into a ball. That didn’t last long either. His legs ached and he stretched them out and groaned again. Then he turned around, and saw Lan Zhan sitting on his own bed, watching him, with an indecipherable expression on his face. 

Lan Zhan didn’t say anything, and it didn’t matter because Wei Ying was too miserable to respond. He just rolled over again to stare at the wall. He didn’t feel good, but eventually, he managed to doze off again. 

The next time he woke up, after only sleeping for maybe another hour, he thought for a moment he must still be dreaming just based on the smell in the room. But he slowly sat up and, sure enough, Lan Zhan was setting a crock pot down on the table in their room.

“Your sister brought you soup,” Lan Zhan said when he noticed that Wei Ying was awake. “Do you want some now?”

Wei Ying nodded. He didn’t feel particularly hungry, but if he had any appetite at all, it was for Yanli’s soup. It had been years since he had had it, and there was nothing in this world that brought him more comfort, which he desperately needed. 

Lan Zhan silently ladled some into a bowl and brought it over. Wei Ying could only manage a few spoonfuls before his stomach started to protest. He abruptly handed the bowl back to Lan Zhan and rested his head against the wall, a couple tears suddenly spilling down his cheek. 

Fucking detox. He didn’t even know why he was crying. He was just sleep deprived, having only slept in short spurts after being up all night, and withdrawing, and he really loved Yanli’s soup.

Still, he suddenly buried his head in his knees and he sobbed. 

A moment later, he felt Lan Zhan cautiously sit down on the bed beside him. He hadn’t said much to him since their conversation, and he seemed hesitant to even sit down. But after another moment of pause, he gently put a hand on Wei Ying’s back. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Wei Ying knew he would end up feeling embarrassed about this withdrawal-induced breakdown, but right now he had no semblance of dignity. 

“I miss her,” Wei Ying cried into his knees. 

“Who?” Lan Zhan asked.

“Yanli,” Wei Ying hiccupped. “She loves me so much. She brings me soup. She doesn’t abandon me or hate me like everyone else does. And in return I had to go and fuck up her wedding. What the fuck is wrong with me? I wasn’t even going to come here, you know. I had packed my bags to move out of your apartment and stop bothering you, not to come to the wedding. I should have just left like I was planning. Now the wedding is ruined and you’re stuck dealing with me like this.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t say anything in response to the rambling confession. He just slowly started to rub his back, which helped some, and Wei Ying leaned sideways against him. 

After a few more minutes of Wei Ying crying and shaking uncontrollably, Wei Ying forced himself to take a few deep breaths, and then he remembered Lan Zhan’s comment about needing boundaries.

“Sorry,” he muttered as he wiped his eyes and sat up so he was no longer leaning on Lan Zhan. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Lan Zhan didn’t say anything, but his eyes were filled with concern and he looked like he wanted to ask something but didn’t know how to. Whatever it was, Wei Ying didn’t want to be asked. He didn’t want to talk about it. Instead, he laid back down and turned to face the wall again, feeling way too vulnerable and empty.

Lan Zhan got up and let him be. Wei Ying wished he hadn’t.

The third time he woke up, he felt just as terrible. He noticed that it was dark outside, which meant he had definitely fallen asleep for several hours this time. Had it really been a full day since his debacle this morning? He looked at the clock and saw that it read 1:02 AM. Lan Zhan was asleep in his own bed across the room. Poor Lan Zhan, who always had a prompt bedtime, had instead been up all night with him the night before, then dealing with him turning crazy from detox all day.

Wei Ying didn’t like the eerie quiet of this late hour. He felt an anxious pit carving its way through his stomach that made him curl in on himself slightly. He was reminded again of the urge to just take his entire baggie of pills to avoid thinking or feeling anything at all. Or at least taking a couple to make this feeling go away.

He told himself that would be a very bad idea, but the thought of it made him realize he had no idea where his duffel bag and drugs had actually gone. He at least wanted to know where his drugs were, just in case. He frowned as he looked around for it, then remembered that Lan Zhan had been the one to pick up his bag and carry it back to the room. 

Suddenly, he completely freaked out. 

He scrambled out of bed and pulled open the closet doors. When it wasn’t in there, he opened the bathroom door and even looked behind the shower curtain. He came back out of the bathroom to see that Lan Zhan was now sitting up in bed.

“Where is it?” Wei Ying demanded. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan answered slowly.

“Where the fuck is it?!” Wei Ying hissed, nearly hysterical. 

Lan Zhan didn’t answer, he just stood up. For a minute, Wei Ying thought he was going to wherever he had hidden it to give it back, but instead, he walked past Wei Ying and simply sat himself in front of the hotel room door, blocking Wei Ying from opening the door and leaving. That absolutely pissed Wei Ying off. 

“Move,” he demanded. 

Lan Zhan said nothing. He didn’t even look at Wei Ying. He just sat there, staring straight ahead, like a statue. 

“Let me out!” Wei Ying said, his voice raised now. 

When Lan Zhan still didn’t even look at him, Wei Ying huffed at him and then turned and walked to the other side of the hotel room, where he kicked Lan Zhan’s bed. Then, he stared at the bed for a minute, before grabbing the comforter and pulling it off the bed completely, crumpling it on the floor. He didn’t know why he did it, other than he was suddenly very angry and it was the first thing he could think to do. He proceeded to pull all of the pillows off as well and add them to the pile on the floor, followed by the bed sheets, until it was just an empty mattress.

Lan Zhan still said nothing. 

“Look at me!” Wei Ying demanded. 

Slowly, Lan Zhan’s eyes moved until his gaze was fixed on Wei Ying. That only pissed Wei Ying off more. So Wei Ying just sat down on the edge of the bare mattress, his back to Lan Zhan. 

“If you won’t let me out, maybe I’ll just jump off the balcony,” he muttered to himself. 

Wei Ying didn’t know if he actually meant it or not. It was a tempting thought, just like the thought of swallowing all those pills. But he had not meant to say it out loud, and once he did, some part of him suddenly realized he was still completely out of his head from withdrawal.

“Fuck,” he mumbled as he stood up and gripped at his own hair. “I think I’m losing my mind.”

He didn’t even notice Lan Zhan move, but suddenly, he felt a hand closing around his wrist and pulling his hand down. Wei Ying struggled for a moment, but Lan Zhan just held his wrist firmly until Wei Ying stopped trying to pull away. 

Lan Zhan was staring down at him with a very intense look in his eyes.

“Let me take you to the hospital,” Lan Zhan said. 

Wei Ying shook his head. “No,” he said firmly.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan pleaded.

Wei Ying tried to pull his wrist away again, to no avail. Then he sighed, and just sank to the floor, pulling Lan Zhan down with him, until they were both sitting down on the carpet.

He was shivering slightly, which Lan Zhan noticed because he finally let go of Wei Ying’s wrist and grabbed the discarded comforter to wrap it around him. Wei Ying rubbed his eyes and sighed wearily. He felt like he’d slept for forever and yet he was still exhausted.

Lan Zhan was still staring at him, maybe expecting him to say more, but Wei Ying had no words. He didn’t want to continue to lash out at Lan Zhan or argue with him, and he didn’t want to talk about the jumble of confused emotions that he had going on in his head that he couldn’t make sense of. He just wanted… 

He stared at Lan Zhan, and then decided he was too mentally frayed to care anymore as he laid down, his head landing on Lan Zhan’s leg. He felt Lan Zhan hesitate for a moment, but then his fingers gently carded through Wei Ying’s hair. 

“Sorry I’m such a wreck,” he mumbled as he closed his eyes and relaxed into the touch.

Lan Zhan said nothing, he just pulled out the ponytail elastic that was already halfway falling out of Wei Ying’s hair anyway and continued to comb it with his fingers. 

To try and lighten the mood, Wei Ying continued to ramble. “I mean, can you blame me, though? Who wouldn’t lose it just trying to get someone like the esteemed Lan Zhan to spare them a glance?”

 “Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan warned. 

Wei Ying smirked. He couldn’t see it, but he knew Lan Zhan well enough to know that his ears were probably turning red. 

“I mean it, Lan Zhan,” he continued. “Do you know how many people constantly stare at you everywhere we go, just begging the universe that you’ll look their way? With eyes like yours, you could charge money for people to just get some eye contact with you.” 

“You shouldn’t tease,” Lan Zhan scolded. 

Lan Zhan’s fingers left his hair and Wei Ying suddenly felt slightly emptier without it, but he kept teasing anyway, because harassing Lan Zhan was at least familiar territory. Much easier than whatever else had been going on lately, and he was too tired to be serious.

Wei Ying laughed. “Who is teasing, Lan Zhan? I’m just being honest. You know, your existence is the biggest tease of all. I already know how many girls are in love with you, turns out I was just paying attention to the wrong people. I bet you get loads of guys’ numbers just being out and about. Do you ever actually call any of them?” 

“Yes,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying nearly choked on air at that. He quickly sat up to look at Lan Zhan.

“Wait, what?” he asked. “You’ve dated people?” 

Lan Zhan stared at him like he was an idiot, but some part of Wei Ying had just assumed that Lan Zhan was a virgin for life.

“Yes,” Lan Zhan repeated.

Wei Ying didn’t like that. He didn’t know why he didn’t like that, other than it shattered his whole understanding of the world. Some things were just meant to be relied on, you know? Gravity exists, 2+2=4, and Lan Zhan doesn’t talk to people beyond what is strictly necessary (besides Wei Ying, of course, but he had worked hard and fought his way to become that exception). 

“Hm,” Wei Ying hummed, not sure what to say now that the world was upside down and gravity didn’t exist anymore. “That’s cool, I guess.” 

Lan Zhan raised an eyebrow, but Wei Ying was suddenly over this conversation. 

“It’s like two in the morning. I’m going back to bed,” he muttered as he stood up to walk back to the cot. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan called after him. “My blanket.” 

Wei Ying looked back and realized he was still wrapped in the comforter he had pulled off Lan Zhan’s bed, despite him already having two comforters waiting for him on his own bed. But he was feeling petty for some reason, so he just turned and continued to take the comforter with him.

“Why don’t you go find some cute guy and ask to share his blanket, I’ll bet you could find someone at this hotel,” Wei Ying answered. 

Lan Zhan didn’t answer, and Wei Ying resisted the urge to look at him. He just curled up on his bed and burrowed himself under the stolen blanket that smelled slightly like Lan Zhan. He suddenly felt even more miserable. He couldn’t actually fall back to sleep. He just stared at the wall for what must have been hours. 

He heard Lan Zhan get up early the next morning to do his yoga and then pad around the hotel room for a moment before getting back in bed. On Wei Ying’s end, he had not slept any further at all and he felt very miserable but physically he at least felt slightly less like death. He knew from past experience that this was only the beginning of detox and things would get worse again before they truly got better, but for now he had some energy and he needed a shower. He felt sweaty and gross.

Lan Zhan was sitting on his bare bed with a laptop, working on something, and he glanced at Wei Ying as Wei Ying sat up.

“I need clean clothes,” Wei Ying requested, since he still didn’t have his bag. “I’m going to take a shower.”

Lan Zhan stared at him for another moment, as though thinking about this request, and then put his laptop down and stood up. He still didn’t produce Wei Ying’s duffel bag, which was maybe an argument for another time. Instead, he went to his own suitcase and pulled out a shirt and some shorts to hand to Wei Ying. 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes, but took the clothes anyway. 

“You know, I don’t think all those guys you date would appreciate me wearing your clothes Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said as he turned for the bathroom. Because yeah, he was still not letting that go.

“Keep the door open,” Lan Zhan said, ignoring Wei Ying’s remark.

“Ooh, I really don’t think they’d like that,” Wei Ying responded with a smirk. 

“Wei Ying.” 

Lan Zhan’s voice was firm, almost angry, enough that it made Wei Ying pause and turn back around. Did he go too far? Was he being cruel? Did Lan Zhan still think he was disapproving of his sexuality? 

“Last night you threatened to jump off the balcony. You will keep the door open.”

Wei Ying relaxed slightly knowing that’s all he was worried about. 

“I’m not going to go hang myself with a shower curtain if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Lan Zhan just stared at him.

“Fine, fine, I’ll keep the door open,” he muttered as he turned back to the bathroom. It’s not like Lan Zhan could see the bathroom from where he was sitting on the bed anyway, so what did it matter if the door was open or closed?

At least that’s what he thought, until he was actually alone in the sanctuary of a hot shower, and he suddenly felt like the world was crumbling. He hadn’t let himself feel everything that was happening, not really. Even when he was out of his mind and sobbing over Yanli’s soup, he had not really let himself focus on the gravity of everything. 

But now, he was alone, and he could feel the weight of everything looming over him. Except he wasn’t really alone, because Lan Zhan was right outside and the door was open. So he bit down on his fist and tried not to let himself fall apart the way he suddenly wanted to. 

He got out of the shower feeling even more numb and empty.  He got dressed anyway and then he stalled, taking a very long time to comb his hair and tie it back and then brush his teeth, just so he could prolong this moment of quasi-solitude. Then he came back out of the bathroom to find that while he was in the shower, Lan Zhan had apparently taken his comforter back and re-made his own bed. 

Wei Ying got back into his bed. His body felt heavy, and he’d never gotten back to sleep last night, but he was still wide awake. He also didn’t have any of his belongings or anything to keep him occupied, because Lan Zhan had taken his bag hostage. So he just stared at the ceiling. 

A moment later, Lan Zhan spoke. 

“You should eat something,” Lan Zhan said. 

Wei Ying didn’t feel hungry, nor did he feel like talking to Lan Zhan right now. He said nothing in response. 

Apparently, Lan Zhan was not going to let him just mope, though, because a couple minutes later he spoke again.

“Can I order something for you?” Lan Zhan tried again, apparently still insistent about this whole eating thing.

Wei Ying sighed and sat up to look at him. 

“You stole from me,” Wei Ying said, instead of answering the question. 

“I did not steal your bag, Wei Ying. You’ll get it back.” 

Wei Ying shook his head. “Not the bag, the blanket.”

Lan Zhan’s brow furrowed. “It was my blanket,” he answered pointedly. “You stole it first.” 

“No,” Wei Ying argued. “You gave it to me, and then you stole it back.” 

As he said it, he both heard how stupid it was to argue about this, and also heard just how genuinely angry he sounded anyway. And he didn’t think he could even fully blame the withdrawal this time. This just felt like a boiling point of the same anger he’d been feeling towards Lan Zhan for a while.

Lan Zhan seemed to hear how serious he was in his tone too, because his mouth opened slightly in surprise and hesitation.

“Wei Ying,” he said slowly, as if trying to gently point out how ridiculous this was.

“I can never figure you out, Lan Zhan. You’re always doing this shit and I don’t understand it. I don’t want to do this with you anymore.”

Now Lan Zhan looked completely confused, but in his rambling, Wei Ying suddenly figured it out. Why he was so mad at Lan Zhan. And holy fuck. Wei Ying swallowed. He would put those thoughts away to explore at a different time, when he was not neck deep in detoxing. 

“Something bland,” he said, immediately changing the subject as he looked away from Lan Zhan’s gaze. “Oatmeal, or something. And coffee. Like a gallon of it.”

Bland was normally the opposite of Wei Ying’s taste, but he didn’t really want food at all. He mostly just needed a change of subject, and he definitely needed some coffee because he was itching for drugs but caffeine would have to do.

Lan Zhan seemed confused at the emotional whiplash that Wei Ying was giving him, but he also seemed resigned to it. Dealing with this detox seemed to make Lan Zhan even less phased by Wei Ying’s chaos than he normally was. Rather than provoking another fight, he simply got up from the bed and went to the hotel phone to order room service. Wei Ying laid back down and proceeded to stare at the ceiling again. 

Instead of allowing himself to think about the thing that was now screaming in his head to be examined, he instead tried to focus on the Xue Yang issue again. In all the chaos of the past couple days, it had been put on the back burner, but it was still a very real issue. Who in the Jin family could possibly be involved in the drug trafficking world? 

The problem was, the Jins were a big family. Jin Zixuan had like a million cousins. Wei Ying couldn’t remember them all, much less know them all well enough to deduce possible motives to threaten Wei Ying.

Jin Guangshan was the CEO of Jin Corp., a billion dollar tech company. Jiang Fengmian had been on the board of directors at one point. So had Lan Zhan’s uncle. That company had involvement from all of the wealthy Chinese families in the city, it seemed like. Including Wen Ruohan. Of course, after it came out that Wen Ruohan had hired a hit on the Jiangs, Jin Corp.’s reputation took a big hit. Wen Ruohan was removed, but it was too late, Jin Corp. was associated with the scandal. After that, many of the remaining board members had resigned in order to avoid being associated with it in any capacity. The board was soon filled with Jins only, tightly held within family control. 

So Jin Guangshan remained the CEO, his wife now the CFO. Jin Zixuan took on the role of CIO before he even finished college, which was nepotism at its finest. 

“Hey, who is the COO of Jin Corp. these days?” Wei Ying asked as soon as Lan Zhan had gotten off the phone. 

“Jin Zixun,” Lan Zhan answered.

Ah, right. The cousin that practically had the same name as Zixuan, as if that wasn’t confusing at all. Wei Ying didn’t know much about the guy, other than he was even more arrogant than the other Jins and had been very outspokenly judgmental about Wei Ying’s arrest back in the day. Jiang Cheng had reported that Zixun was telling everyone terrible things about Wei Ying, which had been odd because Wei Ying was pretty sure he'd never actually met the guy. 

He had forgotten about that until just now. Wei Ying had no idea what he had done to personally upset him back then, and certainly had no idea what he could have done to piss him off so badly that he would threaten Yanli now. But he apparently had an extreme dislike for Wei Ying and was very vocal about it.

“What do we know about him?” Wei Ying asked, turning his head towards Lan Zhan. 

“He is Jin Zixuan’s second cousin, on his father’s side. He studied business at NYU and graduated at the top of his class. In addition to his work at Jin Corp., he has a charity foundation that creates scholarships for young entrepreneurs. He collects art.” 

Lan Zhan recited all of this boring info as though he had been made to memorize flashcards with key facts about every prominent person in his social circle, which Wei Ying wouldn’t be surprised if he had. It was propriety or whatever. Something Wei Ying was never good at but Lan Zhan’s family strictly instilled in him. He wondered what his flashcard would have said back when he was part of that world, or if he was ever considered important enough to have one. For all he knew, his just said Jiang’s charity case.

“Yeah, yeah,” Wei Ying muttered. “I meant the juicy stuff. Any good scandals?”

Lan Zhan just stared at him blankly. 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes. Lan Zhan was never very helpful for this kind of stuff. In high school, Wei Ying used to think he was sheltered, but over the years he learned that Lan Zhan wasn’t naive. He usually knew a lot more than people thought he did just by his nature of being quiet and always observing people. The only problem was, even when he did know something, he never seemed to find it worth sharing. He had always had some weird hangup about gossiping.

“Is he married?” Wei Ying continued to pry anyway. “Any kids?”

“No,” Lan Zhan responded. 

“Does he have a gambling addiction? Drug addiction? Any affairs with married women?” Wei Ying asked emphatically. 

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan said his name in a scolding tone, clearly disapproving of his scandalous line of questioning. Wei Ying practically heard the it is rude to gossip, that Lan Zhan used to always say in high school, even though he didn’t actually say it out loud this time.

Wei Ying sighed. 

“Why are you asking about Jin Zixun?” Lan Zhan asked.

Wei Ying shrugged. “We know someone in the Jin family is out to get me. Just trying to get a better profile of everyone.” 

“I am not aware of him having any gambling addictions, drug addictions, or affairs with married women,” Lan Zhan finally answered, again sounding like he was reciting something from memory. As if any of that would be on one of his flashcards.

Wei Ying laughed at the idea of Lan Zhan studying people’s scandals. If that version of flashcards existed, Wei Ying’s would be very full. His sudden amusement made Lan Zhan quirk an eyebrow at him.

“Come on, Lan Zhan. You’ve been to these social functions and around these people a lot more than I have over the past few years. Surely, you know something interesting about him.” 

“He has always seemed to be firmly against drugs and criminal lifestyles,” Lan Zhan answered. “I do not know anything that would be relevant to Xue Yang.” 

Wei Ying narrowed his eyes at him. That was a shady answer, coming from Lan Zhan. If he truly knew nothing about the guy, he would just say so. But he added the caveat of not knowing anything relevant , which meant he did know something , he just really was going to stay firm to his whole no gossiping rule. 

“The guy has always hated me,” Wei Ying sighed. “And it’s definitely more plausible than Guangshan or Zixuan at this point.” 

Lan Zhan seemed to consider that for a moment, and then nodded. 

“We will need to find a way to question him, then,” Lan Zhan responded. “Maybe we can take him out and get him drunk like you did with Zixuan. That worked well.”

He said it so seriously that it took Wei Ying a moment to realize he was being sarcastic. 

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying whined. “You should stick to relying on your good looks for things. You’re not funny.”

Lan Zhan’s lip quirked up slightly, indicating he disagreed and found himself very funny. Lan Zhan’s resorting to humor did make Wei Ying realize how ridiculous he sounded, though. Sure, Jin Zixun had a distaste for Wei Ying, but so did most people. That by itself was no reason to assume he was working with drug traffickers. 

After that, their conversation was interrupted by room service arriving. Wei Ying didn’t talk much as he focused on trying to make himself eat, and Lan Zhan was never one to fill silences. He did manage to eat about a third of his bowl before he finally pushed it away. 

“They forgot the coffee,” Wei Ying muttered. He looked around the room for the coffee maker and didn’t see one. What kind of hotel room had no coffee maker? 

“Wen Qing said no coffee,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying turned and glared at him. That one sentence made Wei Ying realize a few things. First, he had forgotten to call Wen Qing back. Second, apparently he didn’t need to because Lan Zhan had clearly spoken to her and she knew exactly what was going on. Third, Lan Zhan could not legally keep him in this hotel room as that was false imprisonment.

“Oh hell no,” Wei Ying answered as he stood up. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said cautiously as he stood up with him. 

“Wen Qing is sadistic and you’re crazy if you think you can withhold coffee,” Wei Ying hissed as he made his way to the door before Lan Zhan could block him in again. 

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan followed him, but Wei Ying had already opened the door and stepped into the hallway. Then Lan Zhan grabbed his arm, and Wei Ying suddenly felt very tense.

“Let go of me, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said firmly. 

Lan Zhan took a breath, but then let go as requested. Wei Ying turned and started to walk down the hallway towards the elevators. He didn’t even have shoes on, and he didn’t care. 

Lan Zhan, unsurprisingly, followed him. Apparently he was allowing him to leave, but not without supervision. They walked all the way to the elevators in a tense silence, and then once they were in the elevator, Wei Ying couldn’t help but fidget restlessly as they descended. He scoffed to himself. No coffee during detox. What a ridiculous idea. If that was Wen Qing's idea of a sick joke, Wei Ying did not find it funny at all.

It was fairly early in the morning, so the hotel lobby was not super crowded. Not that Wei Ying cared right now. He only had one objective. He bee-lined for the cafe, where he ordered a large black coffee, which he charged to the room because he had no money on him. 

Once the barista handed him his drink, he turned and headed for a table at the cafe. Now that he had gotten out, he felt way too restless to go back to being cooped up in the hotel room right now.

Lan Zhan said nothing, he just sat down with Wei Ying.

After a few sips of coffee, Wei Ying decided to go back to exploring the Jin conversation. 

“Do you know of any Jins that use drugs?” he asked. 

Lan Zhan seemed to think for a moment, and Wei Ying again pictured him sifting through all his mental flashcards. 

“No,” Lan Zhan answered. “Not that I know of.”

Wei Ying sighed. That would have been too easy. He considered what other possible factors could be used to narrow things down, but before he could think of anything specific, he noticed Lan Zhan’s gaze suddenly shoot over to somewhere behind him. 

Wei Ying turned to look, and of course, Jin Zixuan just happened to be wandering into the cafe. This was not a private enough place to be having this conversation. He was about to reluctantly suggest that they go back to the room, but then Zixuan noticed them and was walking over. 

“Good morning,” Zixuan said politely as he approached. “The two of you are up early.” 

Wei Ying tried to put on a smile. 

“Just getting coffee,” Wei Ying answered, as if that wasn’t obvious. Jin Zixuan nodded anyway and then seemed to get slightly awkward as he cleared his throat.

“I hope you’re well?” Zixuan asked. 

There was no ignoring the context behind those words. They all knew what had happened and why Zixuan’s wedding was suddenly cancelled, and Wei Ying knew that Zixuan would be reporting back to a probably very worried Yanli. 

“Fine,” Wei Ying answered, as cheerily as he could. 

“I’m glad to hear it,” Zixuan answered, and he even sounded genuine about it.

Then everyone fell into an awkward silence for a moment, and perhaps that’s what made Wei Ying blurt out what he said next. 

“What can you tell me about Jin Zixun?” he suddenly asked. 

Jin Zixuan frowned in confusion.

“My cousin?” he asked.

Wei Ying nodded. What other Jin Zixun would he be asking about?

Jin Zixuan glanced at Lan Zhan and then back at Wei Ying as if he was trying to figure out what on earth they were up to. 

“What do you want to know?” he finally asked. 

“How does he feel about Yanli marrying into the family?” 

“Everyone in the family loves Yanli and is thrilled about the engagement,” Zixuan answered, still looking confused. 

“Even though he hates me?” Wei Ying asked, unable to help himself. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan chastised him for how rude he was being, but Zixuan smiled.

“That’s alright,” he said to Lan Zhan before turning back to Wei Ying. “I don’t believe he holds any ill will towards Yanli,” Zixuan answered. “He has always been very gracious towards her.”

“Good,” Wei Ying answered firmly.

Zixuan nodded. “Well,” he said with another polite smile, “Speaking of Yanli, I’ll leave you to your coffee. I’m supposed to be getting her breakfast and she is already pretty annoyed with me this morning.” 

Wei Ying frowned. That didn’t sound like Yanli at all, but he had already been rude enough, so he didn’t ask. He just nodded goodbye to Zixuan and then turned back to Lan Zhan, who looked very uncomfortable with Wei Ying’s behavior. 

“What?” Wei Ying griped at him. 

Lan Zhan didn’t respond, so Wei Ying ignored his quiet judgment and drank his coffee.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying was not in love with Lan Zhan. It wasn’t possible. He wasn’t even gay!

Sure, there were rumors that he was gay, but there were all sorts of rumors about him. There were also rumors that he had hooked up with Mian Mian in high school, when all they’d done was kiss once during a game of spin the bottle. Which was proof that just because people had rumors about things didn’t make them true, and that if rumors were always true, he couldn’t be gay because he had apparently hooked up with Mian Mian.

Wei Ying had tried to avoid thinking about it, but he’d hit a dead end on the Jin issue for now, and he felt like shit but still couldn’t sleep, and he had nothing else to keep him occupied in this stupid hotel room. So he just stared at the movie they had put on but that he wasn’t following, and he thought about how absurd it was that he was even considering that he might be in love with Lan Zhan. 

Besides, even if he was gay, and even if he was in love with Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan was not in love with him. Lan Zhan wanted boundaries. Lan Zhan didn’t like Wei Ying sleeping in his bed. 

Of course, he was sitting in Lan Zhan’s bed right now. But only because it had a better view of the TV, and because he had sat on the floor at first until Lan Zhan asked him why and when he said he was respecting Lan Zhan’s boundaries, Lan Zhan looked really upset and told him to sit on the bed. Still, he was careful to maintain distance between him and Lan Zhan. 

“Do you really think it is Jin Zixun?” Lan Zhan asked, interrupting his train of thought. Wei Ying looked over at him and saw a slight frown on his face. 

They’d already been down this path of conversation, but Wei Ying was grateful for the distraction anyway.

“I have no idea why he would do it,” Wei Ying answered. “But he is the only Jin that I currently have as a realistic suspect. He has never been quiet about making his dislike for me known.” 

The frown on Lan Zhan’s face deepened, but he didn’t comment anything further, so Wei Ying turned his attention back to the movie they were supposed to be watching that apparently neither of them were really paying attention to. 

“Hey, Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying asked a few minutes later when he couldn’t stand the inside of his own head any longer. 

“Hm?” Lan Zhan hummed. 

“When did you figure out you were gay?” 

Lan Zhan continued to stare at the TV and didn’t answer, so Wei Ying figured he wasn’t willing to talk about it. But just as he gave up and tried to watch the movie again, Lan Zhan spoke. 

“In high school,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying waited for him to elaborate, but then remembered that elaborating was not Lan Zhan’s thing. 

“How did you figure it out?” he pried. 

Again, Lan Zhan took an extended silence before answering.

“I realized I liked a guy.”

Wei Ying rolled his eyes. That was the most unhelpful answer Lan Zhan could have given.

“That’s it?” Wei Ying huffed. “You just woke up one day and realized you liked a guy so you must be gay?” 

“No,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying glanced over at him again, and this time Lan Zhan finally looked at him.

“I didn’t understand my feelings right away. I actually thought I hated him because he made me feel very unsettled. But then you gave me that book.”

Wei Ying frowned in confusion, but then his eyes widened as he remembered. It had been before they were really friends. It was payback for Lan Zhan always ratting him out to his uncle for stupid infractions. Wei Ying had taken whatever book Lan Zhan had been reading at the time and removed it’s paper cover, placing it on a gay erotic novel instead and planting it in Lan Zhan’s bag. Lan Zhan had gotten so pissed when he realized it that he had hurled the book right at Wei Ying as Wei Ying cackled and dodged it. 

Except Lan Zhan had refused to look at or acknowledge Wei Ying for weeks after that. Now Wei Ying’s stomach sank as he had new context for the situation.

“Lan Zhan, I hope you know I wasn’t making fun of you,” Wei Ying rushed to explain. “I didn’t know. It was just supposed to be a stupid prank.” 

“Mn,” Lan Zhan acknowledged. “It was a long time ago. Besides, it was very informative.” 

Wei Ying laughed, feeling relieved that Lan Zhan was not still hurt over it. 

“So you’re saying I caused your gay awakening?” he teased

“Yes,” Lan Zhan answered, looking right at him. 

Wei Ying’s stomach did a flip and he had to look away. Did he wish Lan Zhan meant that in a different way? He wasn’t sure. 

“I guess being friends with me wasn’t all bad, then,” he continued to tease. 

But Lan Zhan didn’t answer, and when Wei Ying turned to look at him again, he was frowning at him. 

“It is not bad, being friends with you,” Lan Zhan said.

He spoke very seriously, and the sudden shift in tone made Wei Ying squirm slightly in discomfort. 

“I just meant, well, you know how it was,” Wei Ying answered. “I practically had to force my friendship on you back then, you were so disapproving of me. But it was good that I did, or you might still think you’re straight to this day!”

Lan Zhan didn’t seem happy with that response either.

“I am sorry that I made you feel that way,” Lan Zhan said solemnly. He paused, then added, “And I am sorry if it felt like I was pushing you away recently.” 

“It’s fine,” Wei Ying muttered, suddenly wanting to be anywhere besides having this conversation.  This was supposed to be about Lan Zhan’s sexual awakening, not Wei Ying’s feelings. This was dangerous territory and a conversation Wei Ying was not really ready to explore further.

“It is not fine,” Lan Zhan responded. “I know that a lot of people have made you feel unwanted or disposable, and I am sorry that I was one of them. Your friendship is not a burden to me. I should have explained my concerns.” 

Fuck. Wei Ying tried to blink them away, but two tears suddenly spilled out and rolled down both of his cheeks. How had Lan Zhan managed to hit him exactly where it hurt? 

“It’s okay to have boundaries, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying answered, turning away and still not really wanting to talk about this. 

“Wei Ying, when I talked about boundaries, it was not because I was uncomfortable with you. I was only worried about making you uncomfortable, and instead I ended up hurting you and making you feel like you could not take up space in my life.”

As if to prove his point, Lan Zhan reached out and wiped one of Wei Ying’s tears with the pad of his thumb. Wei Ying subconsciously leaned into it, and Lan Zhan’s touch lingered there for a tad longer than expected, before Wei Ying pulled himself away again. 

“That’s not what happened,” Wei Ying suddenly admitted. “I mean, yes, I did kind of feel that way, but I’m used to dealing with the consequences of my own poor choices. That’s not why I was so upset.” 

Lan Zhan waited for him to continue, but Wei Ying’s brain was catching up to his mouth, and he paused as he realized what he was saying. He was too deep in now, though. They had to talk about it. 

“I’ve been kicked out of so many foster homes I lost count, and eventually I stopped caring. Wen Qing kicked me out of the apartment, and that sucked, but I knew why she did it and I didn’t feel like my world was going to fall apart. Hell, even when Jiang Cheng disowned me, it was awful, but I kept going with my life. But you… when I thought… I was so scared of losing you. It’s always been different, with you, and I think…”

Lan Zhan continued to wait patiently for him to get his words together, but instead of finishing his sentence, Wei Ying hesitated. Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Lan Zhan’s. 

Lan Zhan froze and Wei Ying immediately felt like he’d made a mistake, but then right as he was about to pull away and apologize, Lan Zhan firmly kissed him back, his hand coming up to cup Wei Ying’s jaw. Eventually, Wei Ying pulled back again, feeling breathless. 

Okay, yes, he definitely had feelings for Lan Zhan, but he didn’t necessarily feel better having confirmed it. He looked away, suddenly feeling upset again.

“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan asked. 

“You broke my heart, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying admitted. “You just kicked me out of your bed and started acting so cold with no explanation and I thought I was losing you and it really fucking hurt. I spent so many years just constantly begging for your attention, and for a minute it felt like I really had it, and then you just shut me out. I didn’t like feeling like that again. It’s not fun to beg you to notice me anymore. Not when I think I might be in love with you.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t answer, he just stared at Wei Ying, and a panic started to flood through Wei Ying at the lack of a response. 

“Was that okay?” he asked nervously. “Did I just ruin our friendship?” 

Instead of answering, Lan Zhan suddenly grabbed him and kissed him again, even deeper than the first time. Wei Ying squeaked in surprise but then let himself sink into it. 

The second time they pulled apart, Lan Zhan pulled Wei Ying into him until they were laying down with Wei Ying’s head on his chest. 

“More than okay,” Lan Zhan answered, his voice rumbling in his chest.

Wei Ying exhaled some of the tension he was still holding and allowed himself to just be held. He had really missed this, being so close to Lan Zhan. Not to mention he was definitely still withdrawing and he felt shivery and awful and exhausted, but Lan Zhan was warm and soothing. 

Lan Zhan seemed to realize this, because he pulled his blanket up over both of them. Wei Ying curled in tighter and let the feeling of Lan Zhan’s slow, steady breaths lull him to sleep, finally feeling somewhat emotionally settled for the first time in a long while.

Being up most of the night meant he slept through most of the day, and woke up around 4 in the afternoon, still in Lan Zhan’s arms. It took him a moment to actually remember what had happened, he had been so sleep deprived that it was kind of hazy. But then he remembered he confessed his feelings for Lan Zhan, and kissed him, and that Lan Zhan had not rejected him. He smiled against Lan Zhan’s shirt and then turned his head to look up at him. 

Lan Zhan seemed to have dozed off too, which would normally be very strange for him to sleep during the day, but Wei Ying had disrupted his sleep lately almost as much as he had disrupted his own. He looked cute when he slept, his lips slightly parted and his hair looking just slightly more tussled than it’s normal perfection. 

Wei Ying would have stayed laying there admiring him, except for one problem. He was starving. Apparently he finally had an appetite back, and he felt like his stomach was trying to eat itself out of hunger. 

So he reached up and brushed Lan Zhan’s hair off his forehead. 

“Lan Zhan,” he murmured. 

Slowly, Lan Zhan’s eyes flitted open. 

“I need food,” Wei Ying said with a pout. 

Lan Zhan just looked at him, as if his brain was slow to process and still waking up.

“You will need to get off of me for that to happen,” Lan Zhan finally answered.

“What if I don’t want to?” Wei Ying teased. 

“Then we will both eventually starve,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying laughed at the idea that Lan Zhan would starve here with him instead of just getting up. How romantic. But then his smile fell slightly, as he realized that he didn’t actually know what this was between them. He had spilled his heart out to Lan Zhan, and sure, Lan Zhan had kissed him back, but he had not actually said he reciprocated those feelings. Wei Ying was too afraid to ask. 

“I guess I’ll let you get up then,” Wei Ying sighed dramatically as he rolled off of Lan Zhan. 

“What do you want?” Lan Zhan asked as he sat up and opened the bedside drawer with the hotel booklet inside. 

“Not room service,” Wei Ying answered. He still felt too cooped up inside this hotel room. “Can we go somewhere?”

Lan Zhan nodded, and then rolled out of bed and walked to the bathroom to get ready. It took just the right amount of time for Wei Ying to stew in his insecurity about whatever this was, because by the time that Lan Zhan emerged again, hair combed back into place and a nice unwrinkled outfit on, Wei Ying felt very anxious. 

“Lan Zhan, look, about what I said,” he muttered as he stood up to slip his shoes on. “I really don’t want it to make things weird. If you just want to be friends, that’s okay. I don’t want you to feel obligated to -” 

His words were interrupted by Lan Zhan grabbing him and kissing him again, and Wei Ying laughed into the kiss, feeling relieved. Whatever this was, it seemed like Lan Zhan was into it. So much so that he didn't let Wei Ying finish his sentence. 

“Let’s go get food,” Lan Zhan said after he pulled away. 

Wei Ying nodded, and let Lan Zhan guide him out the hotel room door. They made it into the elevator, but Yanli and Zixuan were already on it, headed down to the lobby. 

Jin Zixuan nodded at them, and Yanli smiled at the sight of Wei Ying, clearly excited to see him. Wei Ying smiled back, but suddenly felt slightly tense for some reason. Maybe he still just felt really guilty about having ruined her wedding.

“What are you two up to?” Yanli asked as she came to wrap her arm around Wei Ying’s, clearly not feeling the same tension he was. 

“Getting dinner,” Wei Ying answered. “Lan Zhan has been holding me captive and starving me, but I finally broke out.” 

Lan Zhan gave him a side-eye, and Yanli laughed. 

“You poor thing,” she answered with a squeeze. “We were just headed out to dinner ourselves, you two should join us!”

Wei Ying hesitated. He would love to spend time with Yanli more than anything, but how do you just go out to dinner with someone you’ve been avoiding for years after killing their parents, and then came back into their life just to ruin their wedding? 

“Oh please,” Yanli pleaded. “I haven’t hardly seen you at all since you’ve been here.” 

Wei Ying glanced at Lan Zhan, who nodded slightly to indicate he was fine with it, and Wei Ying didn’t have it in him to deny Yanli, so he agreed. That’s how the four of them ended up in Jin Zixuan’s car, driving to some restaurant. It didn't start to dawn on him right away that maybe Yanli and Zixuan hadn't even actually been going to dinner until they pulled up to one of Wei Ying's favorite restaurants from when they used to travel here as kids, which was definitely not the kind of place someone like Jin Zixuan would normally go. 

Then they sat down at a table and Yanli ordered for Wei Ying like he was a child or something, and she ordered him way too much food. Wei Ying raised an eyebrow at her.

“You’re too thin these days,” she fussed.

“I’m fine,” Wei Ying reassured her. She did not look at all convinced, but didn’t press it.

“I have some news,” she said instead, grinning, and that was what confirmed that Wei Ying had been tricked.

 “I’m actually glad we ran into you, because I really wanted to be the first to tell you… you’re going to be an uncle!”

Wei Ying’s eyes widened. 

“Shut up,” he answered. “Really?” 

Yanli smiled and nodded. 

“We weren’t going to tell anyone until after the wedding,” she explained. “But now that it’s postponed, well, I don’t think we’ll be able to hide it for much longer. You’re the first person we’ve told.”

“Oh, Madam Jin is going to be so pissed,” Wei Ying answered. “What a scandal, a baby out of wedlock.” 

“Wei Ying,” Yanli chided, but it was fond. 

“Congratulations,” Lan Zhan chimed in. 

“Thank you,” Yanli smiled warmly. Then she turned back to Wei Ying. “I wanted to ask you if you will be his godfather.” 

“His?!” Wei Ying asked. “You already know it’s a boy?” 

Yanli nodded, and Wei Ying beamed in excitement. All the awkwardness of this reunion was soon forgotten as Wei Ying and Yanli spent the rest of the dinner chattering about this exciting news. Zixuan and Lan Zhan could barely get a word in, but seemed content to let the two of them catch up. It wasn’t until their meal was wrapping up that reality started to hit Wei Ying again. 

It was fun to talk about his soon to be nephew and daydream about how great of an uncle he was going to be, but nothing had really changed. Yanli was being threatened because of something to do with Wei Ying. Now, it was only scarier, given this news of her pregnancy, and Wei Ying felt a pit develop in his stomach.

Lan Zhan seemed to notice the shift in his mood, because as they started to leave the restaurant, he reached for Wei Ying’s hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Except Wei Ying pulled his hand away, tensing. Yanli and Zixuan were walking in front of them, but at any moment one of them could turn around and see him holding hands with Lan Zhan, and Wei Ying didn’t think he liked that idea. 

So he and Lan Zhan awkwardly got into the back of Jin Zixuan’s car, and Wei Ying suddenly avoided looking at Lan Zhan at all. He was feeling antsy, but trying desperately to not let it show with their current company. 

He hadn’t even thought about this, in all of his questions about his feelings for Lan Zhan. He had not considered that if he did have feelings like that, which he now knew he did, then he would have to come out to people. Which shouldn’t be a big deal, especially not with his sister. He knew she’d accept him no matter what, and in regards to other people, they all already hated him and probably already assumed it anyway, so what did their opinions matter? 

But it did matter, apparently, because Wei Ying felt paralyzed at the idea of it. 

When they got back to the hotel, Yanli and Zixuan walked them to their room, and then Yanli pulled him into a tight hug. 

“We’re flying home tomorrow, but I will see you back in New York, right?” she asked firmly. “You’re not going to run off and disappear on me and your new nephew, are you?” 

Wei Ying shook his head. He should leave Yanli alone, it would be safer, but he couldn’t say that. Besides, now that he had been reunited with her, he didn’t think he could cut her off again. It was hard enough to do the first time, and now she was going to have a baby! 

Once they had left, Wei Ying’s cheerful facade immediately dropped and he abruptly walked into their room. Lan Zhan followed him and Wei Ying said nothing as he instead paced the length of the room, before finally reluctantly turning around to face Lan Zhan.

He expected Lan Zhan to say something about the way Wei Ying had clearly brushed him off earlier, but instead Lan Zhan just came over and pulled Wei Ying into a hug, which Wei Ying eagerly sank into. 

“You are worried about her,” Lan Zhan said. It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah,” Wei Ying sighed as he tucked his forehead into Lan Zhan’s neck. 

“We will figure it out,” Lan Zhan reassured him. 

We. That sounded nice. Wei Ying smiled slightly. How did this feel so natural and easy all of a sudden?

“Can we go home?” Wei Ying muttered into Lan Zhan’s collar. If Yanli was flying back to New York City, Wei Ying wanted to head back too. He needed to be near her, just in case. 

“Mn,” Lan Zhan agreed. “I will make arrangements.”

Chapter Text

When Lan Zhan said he would make arrangements for them to fly home, Wei Ying had not expected that to mean they would be on a plane later that same night, and he definitely had not expected it to mean they would be boarding a private jet. They had flown first class to get here, but private was a whole new level. He found himself curious about just how much money Lan Zhan actually had.

“You’ve been holding out on me, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying commented as he sat down on one of the couches in the plane, then smirked and pulled Lan Zhan down onto the couch with him, before climbing onto his lap. Apparently, there were some perks to dating a Lan. 

Were they dating? Wei Ying wasn’t exactly sure what they were, honestly. They were definitely something. They had quickly gone from Lan Zhan’s boundaries to all of a sudden being all over each other on that flight home. 

However, it was a different story in public. As they walked through the airport after they landed, there was a noticeable moment where Lan Zhan tried to put his hand on Wei Ying's lower back to guide him through a crowd of people and Wei Ying flinched away from his touch. Lan Zhan didn't say anything, but Wei Ying knew it was obvious. 

But in the privacy of the plane and again in the apartment once they got home, things were quickly escalating. Which brought Wei Ying back to his question. What was this? They hadn’t talked about it, even though it was moving very quickly.

Once they had been home for a few days, life started settling back into normal. Wei Ying had his belongings back now, though he immediately noticed that his bag of pills was missing from its contents. He expected as much, and didn't bring it up. He was no longer having horrible withdrawal symptoms, though he did occasionally find himself fighting strong cravings to go get high. Especially because Lan Zhan had gone back to work and Wei Ying was spending large amounts of time alone without much to occupy his time. It left him very restless. 

He did start visiting Yuan during the day, and that helped him keep his mind off things and remind him why he was trying to get clean in the first place. Wen Qing had made him take a drug test before he was allowed to see him, but he had been clean for a little over a week now, so he was able to pass it. It was hard, trying to explain to Yuan why he wasn't living there anymore. Yuan struggled at the end of each visit, and there were a couple nights where Wei Ying ended up feeling too guilty and letting Yuan come stay at Lan Zhan's for the night. Wei Ying started to wonder what the next steps were for Yuan and how long he had to do this for. Living with Lan Zhan was supposed to be temporary, but now they were a thing. Did that mean it would be weird for him to move back out? He didn't want to move back out. But he wasn't going to abandon Yuan.

Except did Lan Zhan even want a kid? He was clearly fond of Yuan, and didn't seem to have a problem when Wei Ying brought Yuan to the apartment, but they hadn't really talked about how Yuan would eventually play into what they were doing, or what that looked like in the long run. There was a difference between having Yuan visit every once in awhile and taking in a child full time. How long were you supposed to date someone before bringing something like this up? Was it too presumptuous to assume Lan Zhan was even thinking long term? 

Evenings were spent at home with Lan Zhan, and things at least felt a lot easier between them now. Lan Zhan was spoiling him, actually. He kept bringing him things like dinner from his favorite restaurants, and he would watch movies with him that Wei Ying knew he would never choose to watch on his own. And Wei Ying of course started sleeping in Lan Zhan’s bed again. Having Lan Zhan around was really comforting. 

After about two weeks of this tentative stability, Lan Zhan came home one evening and seemed hesitant, like he had something he wanted to say to Wei Ying. Sure enough, as they sat down for dinner, Lan Zhan didn’t eat right away. He just watched Wei Ying for a moment, until Wei Ying finally spoke. 

“What?” Wei Ying asked. “You’re acting all nervous and weird.” 

"It is Thanksgiving break next week,” Lan Zhan said. 

Wei Ying frowned as he thought about it, but then realized Lan Zhan was right. He had been so disconnected from the world lately he hadn’t even realized the holidays were approaching. 

“Okay,” Wei Ying answered. 

He wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to say about that, and for a moment it seemed like that was all Lan Zhan had to say.

“What do you usually do for Thanksgiving?” Lan Zhan finally asked.

Wei Ying shrugged. “Last year we couldn’t really afford to do much, but we did buy a pie.” 

“I would like to host a dinner here,” Lan Zhan suggested. “We can invite the Wens and Yuan and your sister and Zixuan.” 

“I’m sure Yanli and Zixuan will be having dinner with the Jins,” Wei Ying answered.

“Just the Wens, then,” Lan Zhan said decisively, as if that meant Wei Ying was in agreement.  

Wei Ying wasn’t sure why Lan Zhan was so nervous about this. He didn’t know how Wen Qing would feel about it, but he didn’t hate the idea himself and was about to tell Lan Zhan that. Until…

“I would like to tell them that we are a couple,” Lan Zhan said, and the words cut through Wei Ying’s musings immediately, causing him to freeze. 

“No,” he blurted out. 

He looked at Lan Zhan and saw Lan Zhan staring at him with an intense gaze. Now Wei Ying understood the tension Lan Zhan had been carrying this evening. It was because he wanted to have this conversation. 

Wei Ying had not actually done much thinking about the coming out issue lately. It had been a non-issue once they were home, since they spent all their time together at home and not around other people anyway. He could tell that Lan Zhan wanted him to explain, but he didn’t know how to, so they just ended up in a silent standoff. 

“Why not?” Lan Zhan finally asked, breaking the silence. "Are we not boyfriends?"

Wei Ying didn't know how to answer that. He'd never been a boyfriend before, to be honest. Though he liked the thought of it, being Lan Zhan's boyfriend. That seemed like what they were doing. He wanted that. By the way Lan Zhan framed his question, it seemed Lan Zhan wanted that too. Though he never actually talked about his feelings for Wei Ying to know.

"I don't know, Lan Zhan," Wei Ying challenged. "Are we?" 

Lan Zhan didn't break eye contact. "I would like for us to be," he responded.

Wei Ying smirked at that, though it didn't do much for the uneasiness he felt at what Lan Zhan was asking of him.

“I just don’t want people knowing my personal business,” Wei Ying answered. 

Lan Zhan fell silent. He ate his dinner and dropped the issue. Except Wei Ying could tell he was upset about it. Throughout dinner, Lan Zhan was even quieter than usual. Even though Wei Ying tried to change the subject and ask Lan Zhan about his day, Lan Zhan only gave brief responses to his questions and small acknowledgements to any other things Wei Ying said. 

Wei Ying tried to ignore the way that made him feel, but it left him very restless. 

A couple of hours later, they were sitting on the couch. Wei Ying had a random show on and Lan Zhan was grading his student’s assignments, but Wei Ying could feel the tension between them. It had been slowly growing all night and Wei Ying felt panicked inside. He was barely managing to keep himself on the right track day to day, still early in being clean again, and now Lan Zhan was throwing a huge wrench in his fragile stability and Wei Ying didn’t know what to do. 

He really, really didn’t want to fight with Lan Zhan. Still, eventually, sitting in the same room as Lan Zhan with this quiet tension between them was too much. He couldn’t leave it alone.

“You have no right,” Wei Ying suddenly accused, causing Lan Zhan to look up from the assignment he was reading. 

Wei Ying could tell from the expression on Lan Zhan’s face that his tone had come out too harsh, but what did Lan Zhan expect when he was just leaving him here to stew in this awful feeling all night? 

“You don’t get to be pissed at me for this. You’ve known you were gay for years, Lan Zhan, and you never fucking told me, and I thought we were best friends! I only realized I had feelings for you two weeks ago, and you expect me to just come out immediately?”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said slowly, but Wei Ying shook his head and kept going. 

“I am less than a month clean and just barely keeping my head above water, and you want to put this kind of pressure on me? How is that fucking fair? I don’t even know what I am, or what this is, and you want me to explain it to other people? I don’t have the emotional capacity for a whole damn identity crisis, right now.” 

Instead of responding right away, Lan Zhan put down his papers and looked at Wei Ying for a moment. 

“I am the first guy you have dated?” Lan Zhan finally asked. 

Wei Ying frowned at him. “Of course you are.” 

Lan Zhan took another breath as he seemed to consider that.

“My sexuality is not a secret, Wei Ying. We missed years of each other's lives and I did not immediately realize you did not know, but I have been out for a long time. I also assumed you had dated other guys,” Lan Zhan paused, then carefully added, “There were rumors.”

Wei Ying rolled his eyes at that, but felt slightly less hostile at the fact that Lan Zhan wasn’t arguing with him and that maybe this was just a misunderstanding.

“People say a lot of things about me, Lan Zhan. Most of them aren’t true.” 

Lan Zhan’s brow furrowed, like he was struggling to make sense of this.

“You can’t tell me you seriously believe everything you hear about me!” Wei Ying said, suddenly offended again. 

Lan Zhan shook his head. “Not everything,” he agreed. “But I have seen for myself that you do not hesitate to flirt with people, men or women.”

Wei Ying could not remember flirting with any men like Lan Zhan was talking about. That was absurd.

“I do not,” he answered petulantly. He felt very uncomfortable with himself all of a sudden.

Lan Zhan was still staring at him, and Wei Ying didn’t like it. He felt like he was being analyzed. Just as he was about to say something deflect it, Lan Zhan moved to sit closer to him and took his hand. 

“I should not have assumed,” Lan Zhan said. “Of course you do not need to come out until you are ready. I am sorry if I made you feel pressured.” 

Wei Ying felt himself soften at the apology. He looked at Lan Zhan to try and read him further, but Lan Zhan seemed genuine. Wei Ying laced their fingers together. Lan Zhan squeezed his hand in response. 

Feeling much more settled, Wei Ying leaned into him and went back to watching his show. So they were boyfriends now, and maybe this relationship was actually going to work. They just had to learn to start talking about this stuff, and things would be okay. Still, it was early in the relationship. Wei Ying decided that he still had some time to work up the nerve to ask about Yuan. For now, he felt nervous but excited. He was Lan Zhan's boyfriend! He smiled to himself at how good that sounded. 

Chapter Text

Thanksgiving was nerve-wracking. Lan Zhan and Wei Ying had spent all morning cooking. Well, Lan Zhan cooked. Wei Ying tried to help by adding seasonings to the dishes, up until the point where Lan Zhan actually turned and bit him when Wei Ying tried to add more spice to a dish. That’s not to say Wei Ying didn’t like that, but still, who knew Lan Zhan was a biter! 

After that Wei Ying was banished from the kitchen and forced to entertain himself until people arrived. Which gave him plenty of time to get good and nervous about it. 

He wouldn’t have been nervous, when he thought it was just Wen Qing, Wen Ning, and Yuan. But it turns out that even though he was certain Yanli and Zixuan would have other plans, Lan Zhan convinced him to invite them anyway and they had quickly confirmed they would be coming. 

He was excited to spend more time with Yanli, and also not at all thrilled at the idea of her and Zixuan being in the same room as the Wens. That seemed like a recipe for disaster. 

That part went better than expected, though. Yanli and Zixuan were very friendly, and although Wen Qing was clearly guarded, she did try to be pleasant. Yuan, on the other hand, always liked meeting new people and he took to both Zixuan and Yanli immediately. Especially Yanli. He wanted all of her attention. Yanli, of course, was great with kids and was happy to play with him while they waited for dinner to be done. 

Wei Ying wasn’t sure what to tell his sister about Yuan, but Yuan quickly let the cat out of the bag by calling him dad right in front of everyone. That caused Yanli to give Wei Ying a very odd look, but she obviously wasn’t going to question it in front of the child and Wei Ying didn’t offer an explanation. Anyway, it just seemed to make Yanli dote on Yuan even more than she already had been. 

The holiday was actually turning out to be really fun and nice. There wasn’t even any awkward tension between him and Lan Zhan, now that they were on the same page about keeping their relationship to themselves for now. Every once in a while, Wei Ying would catch Lan Zhan’s eye from where he was in the kitchen cooking, and he would find himself feeling really happy. He wasn’t sure how he had gotten so lucky. 

Things started to get weirder just a little before dinner was actually going to be served, when Yanli pulled Wei Ying aside and let him know that Jiang Cheng was on his way. Wei Ying opened his mouth to protest, but before he could, Yanli told him that she wanted to spend the holiday with both of her brothers and it would be unfair to leave him to spend it alone. 

The guilt that seeped into Wei Ying when she said this left an awful weight in his chest and he had nothing else to say about it. Luckily, Lan Zhan didn’t protest either when Wei Ying went over to the kitchen to tell him. He just subtly gave Wei Ying’s hand a quick reassuring squeeze, and then grabbed an extra place setting for the dining table.

But once Jiang Cheng arrived, there was a renewed tension in the room. This time, the ice did not melt so quickly. Jiang Cheng was clearly uncomfortable around the Wens and they were clearly uncomfortable around him, and suddenly nobody seemed to be enjoying themselves besides Yanli, who was trying to force positivity into the room.

Even Yuan could sense something was up when Jiang Cheng entered the apartment, because he stopped trying to tell Yanli about all of his favorite dinosaurs and instead came to cling onto Wei Ying.

“Dad, who is that?” Yuan whispered into Wei Ying’s ear, though his whisper was still loud enough that everyone could clearly hear him. Jiang Cheng raised his eyebrows when he heard it and glanced at Wei Ying. Once again, Wei Ying didn't explain.

Instead, Wei Ying just pulled Yuan onto his lap. 

“That’s Jiang Cheng,” Wei Ying answered. He didn’t offer any other explanation to Yuan either. After all, last time he and Jiang Cheng had really spoken, Jiang Cheng had not referred to them as family any longer, so Wei Ying was not going to describe him as such now. 

Jiang Cheng did at least try to smile at Yuan, but Yuan fell silent and did not try to interact with him the way he had been doing with Yanli and Zixuan. He clung to Wei Ying until it was time for dinner. Wei Ying could tell that this annoyed Jiang Cheng, but what was he supposed to do about it? Jiang Cheng was the one being all tense and intimidating. What three year old was going to feel comfortable around that?

Luckily, they only had to sit around awkwardly in the living room with Jiang Cheng for a short while before Lan Zhan announced that food was ready and they all made their way to the dining room table. Lan Zhan had laid out a whole feast for them, and it was pretty impressive. 

Although Jiang Cheng’s presence had made a noticeable difference in the amount of tension in the room, that also did not end up being as awful as Wei Ying thought it would be. Yanli carried a lot of the conversation, and ended up talking to Wen Qing quite a bit. It was clear she was trying very hard to befriend her. 

Occasionally Wen Qing would make a good-natured jab about Wei Ying and they seemed to bond over stories about him. Wei Ying didn’t mind being the butt of a few jokes, and it helped to ease his nerves to see the two of them getting along.

Lan Zhan did reach under the table and squeeze Wei Ying’s knee at one point when he could tell that Wei Ying was feeling particularly anxious. That also helped to have Lan Zhan’s steady presence beside him. 

Then, at some point, Zixuan made a comment about Yanli’s pregnancy and the conversation shifted to that topic. Wen Qing, being a medical professional, started asking Yanli some questions about how she was doing with the pregnancy. Yanli then mentioned to Wen Qing how nice it was to talk to her, and how she didn’t have a lot of female friends to chat with. Then she said something about how happy she was that Wei Ying invited her and how much she had missed him. It was all pretty easy conversation, all things considered.

Wei Ying hadn’t really been paying super close attention to the conversation, he was focusing on helping Yuan get a second serving of sweet potatoes. But his ears perked up when he heard Wen Ning say something. Before this, Wen Ning had been fairly quiet all day, as he usually was. 

“I’ve heard the Jins have a very nice Thanksgiving celebration,” he said. 

Immediately, Wei Ying knew what he was doing, inquiring about the Jins. Wen Qing seemed to catch on too, because she jumped in on it. 

“You guys have such a big extended family, isn’t there usually a big dinner planned with everyone?” she asked.

Zixuan smiled and responded, “Yanli told my mom that she wanted to spend Thanksgiving with her family as well, so either we could come here or we could invite her brothers to the Jin family Thanksgiving.” He laughed, then added, “my mom was pretty eager to let us come here after that.” 

Wei Ying smiled when he heard that, knowing full well it was directed at him. 

“Oh come on, I am a wonderful dinner guest,” he joked. 

“That would probably give Madam Jin a stroke,” Jiang Cheng said. Wei Ying tensed for a minute, but when he looked over at Jiang Cheng, he saw a hint of a smile on his face. He was actually trying. It didn’t fix anything between them, but it was nice anyway. 

Wei Ying smirked at him. Yanli glared at them both, but it was playful. For a moment, Wei Ying felt really happy, like he had his siblings back. Plus he had Yuan on one side of him and Lan Zhan on the other, and everything felt good. He was genuinely really happy, and glad Lan Zhan made him do this.

“We just preferred a small family dinner,” Yanli said diplomatically. 

“Besides,” Jin Zixuan added, “I doubt Jin Zixun would be very happy to see Wei Ying showing up to our family holidays.”

Wei Ying noticed Lan Zhan tense next to him, which was odd. 

Wei Ying hadn’t actually filled Wen Qing in on his suspicion about Jin Zixun in particular, but Zixuan’s comment was clearly the opening Wen Qing was looking for, because she latched onto it.

“Why?” she asked. “What does he have against Wei Ying?”

Wei Ying felt Lan Zhan’s hand on his knee again, right as Jin Zixuan answered.

Jin Zixuan shook his head apologetically. “I love the guy, but he just needs to get over it already.” Then Jin Zixuan looked over at Lan Zhan. “You guys only even dated for… what? 6 months?”

“Four,” Lan Zhan responded tersely. 

“I keep telling him that it was years ago and it’s time to move on. After all, whatever happened back then, Lan Zhan and Wei Ying are clearly friends again, and Zixun’s not even dating Lan Zhan anymore, so I don’t know why he still holds such a strong grudge. He’s just a very black and white kind of guy.”  

Wei Ying felt his blood run cold. He pulled his leg away from Lan Zhan’s touch. 

Wen Qing raised an eyebrow at that, but she didn’t understand the significance of this and recovered much faster than Wei Ying did. 

“I’m sure he isn’t happy about Yanli marrying into the family, then,” Wen Qing continued to poke, not deterred from her original goal of gathering information. “Since he and Wei Ying are going to be related.”

Wei Ying didn’t hear Zixuan’s response. His head was suddenly buzzing. He could feel Lan Zhan’s gaze on him but he refused to look at him. 

What the fuck. Lan Zhan had dated Jin Zixun? And he didn’t think that was pertinent information to share back when they had been discussing him? 

Luckily, it was at that moment that Yuan chose to spill his cup of sparkling apple juice all over himself and start crying. Wei Ying had never been more grateful for a toddler mess. It was an excuse to leave the table, which he desperately needed. 

He quickly excused himself from the table and carried Yuan into his old guest bathroom to get him cleaned up. He was all sticky, so Wei Ying ran him a bath. His mind was still very much elsewhere, but at some point there was a knock on the door and then Wen Qing opened it. 

“Here,” she said, handing Wei Ying a backpack which Wei Ying knew had child supplies, including extra clothes for Yuan in it. He took it wordlessly. 

“Want to know what I found out?” she asked. 

“No,” Wei Ying answered curtly. 

Wen Qing frowned at him, but then took another look at Wei Ying and her face shifted into one of concern.

“Are you okay?” she asked. 

Wei Ying didn’t respond, he just pulled Yuan out of the bath and wrapped him in a towel as he dug through the backpack for the spare clothes. 

“Look, normally I’d leave you alone, but just a couple weeks ago you called me upset and next thing I hear is that you almost OD’ed, so I need a verbal acknowledgement,” Wen Qing said firmly. 

Wei Ying still didn’t answer right away. He finished getting Yuan dressed before finally turning to look at her. 

“I want to move back into the apartment,” he said. 

Wen Qing seemed surprised at that, and then hesitant. Wei Ying knew she didn’t trust him to stay on the right track around Yuan. Which was fair, because he was so emotionally wrecked at this moment that he absolutely wanted to go and drown all of this bullshit out. In fact, that actually sounded like a fantastic option.

When Wei Ying didn’t get an answer, he picked up Yuan and carried him past her. 

“Wait,” Wen Qing said, apparently knowing Wei Ying far too well. “Let’s just talk for a second.”

Wei Ying paused, then set Yuan down. This was not a conversation to have in front of him.

“I bet if you ask nicely, Wen Ning will share his juice,” Wei Ying encouraged him. 

Yuan nodded and padded out of the guest room. Wei Ying turned back to Wen Qing. He didn’t know what to tell her. He was barely processing what he had just heard out there. His heart was fully broken. Shattered. Everything he thought he knew about Lan Zhan, he suddenly doubted. 

Why would Lan Zhan lie to him about this? And how could he have dated someone like Jin Zixun of all people?! Someone who so clearly despised Wei Ying. By the sound of what Zixuan was saying, it almost sounded like Zixun hated him because of Lan Zhan. Was that true? Had Lan Zhan been saying the same kind of negative things that Jin Zixun was saying back then? Was he feeding all of that hatred to Jin Zixun?

He couldn’t tell Wen Qing exactly why this was so upsetting. Not without outing himself. He would have to leave that part out. 

“I asked Lan Zhan about Zixun,” Wei Ying said angrily. “I specifically mentioned I was suspicious about Zixun and asked him if he knew anything about the guy and he didn’t say a word about knowing him well, much less dating him. For all I know, Lan Zhan is in on this shit. He can’t be trusted and I can’t stay here.” 

Wen Qing looked doubtful, but she definitely knew better than to argue with Wei Ying right now when he was so very clearly on edge. 

“Okay,” she said instead. “Let’s just get through this dinner, and then we can go home and talk about it.” 

Wei Ying absolutely did not want to talk about it, but he nodded anyway and followed Wen Qing out of the guest room and back to the dinner table. He only half followed the conversations for the rest of the meal. He could tell that Lan Zhan still kept looking over at him, but he very pointedly ignored it. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at Lan Zhan. He was practically shaking with how upset he was.

Eventually, after what felt like a lifetime, Wen Qing finally created their exit. She pulled out her cell phone and pretended to check a message. 

“Oh no,” she said. “It looks like they need some extra hands at the hospital. Holidays are always full of people in the emergency room.” She looked up at Wei Ying. “Can you take Yuan home? It’s almost his bedtime, and Wen Ning promised his girlfriend he’d stop by after this to spend some time with her on Thanksgiving.” 

It was a lie. Wen Ning didn’t have a girlfriend. But only Wei Ying and the Wens knew that, and Wen Ning might have no idea what was happening, but he had always been good at just following their lead.

“Sure,” Wei Ying agreed. He stood up and went over to give Yanli a hug. “Thank you for coming,” he said. “Sorry we have to cut it short.” 

Yanli hugged him back. “Thanks for inviting us,” she said warmly.

Wei Ying nodded at Zixuan, then turned to Jiang Cheng. They stared awkwardly at each other for a moment, before Wei Ying forced a smile at him too. 

“It was good to see you,” Wei Ying said. He meant it, even though his world was falling apart and he didn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with this at the moment. 

“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng huffed. He didn’t say anything else, and after a moment he just followed Yanli and Zixuan out. 

“Yuan can stay here tonight,” Lan Zhan offered once they were gone and it was just him and the Wens. 

Wei Ying ignored him. He just turned and picked up Yuan. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said anxiously.

“Hurry up, I need to be at work like ten minutes ago,” Wen Qing chided. 

Wei Ying had never loved her more. Without looking back at Lan Zhan, he turned and walked with her and Wen Ning out the door. 

Just like Wen Ning didn’t have a girlfriend, Wen Qing, of course, was not actually needed at the hospital. So the three of them and Yuan headed back to their one bedroom apartment in the Bronx together. 

It was painful to walk back into that apartment. It didn’t fully start to hit Wei Ying that he had just left Lan Zhan until he was back there. Yuan, on the other hand, was ecstatic that Wei Ying was staying there again. Wen Ning, being his usual self, didn’t ask any questions about why they had just lied and bolted from Lan Zhan’s apartment. He just busied himself with getting Yuan ready for bed.

Once Yuan was in bed, Wen Qing followed Wei Ying into his room, clearly still wanting to talk. She didn’t ask any more questions about Lan Zhan, which was good, because Wei Ying wasn’t sure he could handle talking about that right now. 

“You can stay,” Wen Qing said. “If you agree to do regular drug tests.” 

“Fine,” Wei Ying answered flatly. He didn’t have anything in him to argue about it. He didn’t have anywhere else to go.

Wen Qing eyed him for another moment, but then seemed to decide not to press him on anything else tonight. 

“We’ll figure it out,” she said instead, her voice gentler. 

Wei Ying didn’t respond. To her, this was still just a question of who was targeting Wei Ying. She had no idea how much more painful this was. 

After another moment of silence, she left and closed the door behind her. Wei Ying sank onto his bed in misery. Lan Zhan had hidden this from him, and he had no idea why. He felt betrayed and used. He felt like an idiot for thinking for a second that he could have something so good. His heart was completely broken. 

Almost as if on cue, his phone buzzed. He looked down and saw that Lan Zhan was calling. He silenced the call and stared at the ceiling. 

A couple minutes later, his phone gave two short vibrations, indicating he had a text. He reluctantly opened it. 

Please let me explain. 

Wei Ying stared at the text, a million emotions flooding through him. Part of him desperately wanted to let Lan Zhan tell him that this was all a misunderstanding so that he could pretend this had never happened and go home to him and curl up in his bed. But there was no explanation for this. Lan Zhan knew exactly why Wei Ying had been asking about Jin Zixun, and chose not to mention this huge detail. Hell, Lan Zhan himself had even brought Jin Zixun up later, asking about Wei Ying’s suspicion, and still didn’t mention anything. 

Lan Zhan had said nothing even after he and Wei Ying started dating or whatever the fuck it was they were doing. It didn’t matter. They weren’t doing anything anymore. Wei Ying angrily typed a response. 

Go to hell, Lan Zhan. 

With that, he turned his phone off and rolled over to bury his face in his pillow.

Chapter Text

Most days, Wei Ying did not want to get out of bed. Even after he did manage to drag himself out of bed, he didn’t actually have the energy to do anything. He had no appetite, no motivation, no anything. He went through the motions, but spent an extraordinary amount of time simply staring off into space, feeling numb. Losing Lan Zhan was an impossible thing for him to process. He didn’t even know how to cry about it. He just felt detached from everything.

Wen Qing was putting up with Wei Ying’s moping, but she held true to her word of drug testing him. Maybe it was because he was so miserable, but she tested him daily. which felt like a bit much. Wei Ying complied with it anyway. It’s not like he had any other choice. He had nowhere else to go. 

That was probably the only reason why he didn’t immediately go get high, even though he was constantly itching to. He knew that if he got kicked out again, with no Lan Zhan to call, he would have absolutely nowhere to go. 

He felt miserable here, though. He was cooped up in this apartment and all he could think about was Lan Zhan. Sometimes he desperately missed him and had to fight the urge to call him. Other times he was so angry he couldn’t think straight. Mostly, he was numb. 

He didn’t even have a job or anything to distract him. He figured he would need to start job hunting to start contributing to the bills again, but he had absolutely no motivation to do so. 

The only bright side was being around Yuan full time again. When he had the energy, he would play games with Yuan or read books to him. On the days he couldn’t get out of bed, Yuan would sometimes come and cuddle with him or try to read books to him. Wei Ying felt bad that Yuan had to witness him like this. But even feeling guilty didn’t give him the energy to do anything about it. He just felt so empty.

Lan Zhan kept calling. Wei Ying never answered any of the calls. Eventually, he blocked the number so it would just stop.

A couple of weeks passed, and then there was a knock at the apartment door. Wei Ying and Yuan were the only ones home, which meant he had to answer. Given that Lan Zhan was the only thing on his mind, his first thought was that it was Lan Zhan coming to talk. He braced himself. Today was a particularly hard day. If Lan Zhan was showing up at his door now, he didn’t know what he would do. 

It turned out it wasn’t Lan Zhan at all, but rather Jiang Cheng standing on the other side of the door. Wei Ying suddenly wasn’t sure which was worse. 

Jiang Cheng’s eyes gave Wei Ying a critical once over once the door was open. Which, okay yeah, Wei Ying probably didn’t look his best right now. He wasn’t even sure if he had combed his hair in the past couple of days. But Jiang Cheng was the one who came by unannounced, so who was he to judge? 

There was an awkward moment of silence, and then Jiang Cheng spoke.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

Wei Ying hesitated. Aside from Thanksgiving where they barely spoke to each other, their last real interaction had been Jiang Cheng punching Wei Ying in the face. He wasn’t exactly eager to invite that kind of energy into his home right now, especially in front of Yuan. But Jiang Cheng was looking at him expectantly, and he didn’t have the energy to fight it, so he simply opened the door wider to let Jiang Cheng in. He led them to the living room to sit down.

Yuan had been sitting on the floor playing, but he stood up and ran to hide behind Wei Ying’s leg as soon as he spotted Jiang Cheng. Apparently Jiang Cheng was no less intimidating the second time around. 

“Yuan, go to my room,” Wei Ying instructed. Whatever this conversation was going to be, it wasn’t something Yuan needed to be here for. 

Yuan quickly obeyed. Jiang Cheng watched him leave the room, then they both sat down on the couch. Wei Ying just sat and waited for Jiang Cheng to say something and explain this sudden visit. 

“I didn’t know,” Jiang Cheng finally said. “That you had a kid.” 

Just like with Lan Zhan and with Yanli, Wei Ying did not try to explain Yuan’s story. As far as he was concerned, Yuan was his son and people did not need to know if it was biological or not. That was Yuan’s story to tell if he wanted to, when he was older. 

“There’s not much we know about each other these days,” Wei Ying responded instead. “What do you want?”

Jiang Cheng tensed at his snappish tone, but Wei Ying wasn’t really in the mood. He barely had the energy to spend time with Yuan today, he definitely did not have the energy for pleasantries with Jiang Cheng. 

Jiang Cheng hesitated before responding. 

“I know things have been strained between us,” Jiang Cheng started. “But I was hoping we could talk.” He paused, then added, “For Yanli’s sake. With the new baby coming and all.” 

Wei Ying nearly scoffed. Strained was putting it way too nicely. Jiang Cheng had disowned him from the family. And while Wei Ying had spent years hoping that Jiang Cheng would change his mind, now he felt like there was nothing that could be said to repair what had broken between them. 

He knew what Jiang Cheng was expecting. That Wei Ying would accept this meager olive branch and this half-assed apology because Jiang Cheng was who he was and Wei Ying always put up with it. Wei Ying had always tolerated Jiang Cheng’s awful temper when they were kids and now Jiang Cheng expected him to just accept this too. 

But Wei Ying was tired. He was tired of giving his energy to people just to have them trample on him in return. He was tired of chasing people and throwing himself at people who didn’t treat him kindly, just for whatever crumbs of affection he could earn. 

After all, wasn’t that all he ever did? With his foster homes. With Madam Yu. With Jiang Cheng. With Lan Zhan. Especially with Lan Zhan. Growing up, Wei Ying had thrown himself at Lan Zhan repeatedly, even when it was like hitting a brick wall. Even when Lan Zhan looked down on him like he was dirt on his shoe. Wei Ying kept pushing, persisting, begging for Lan Zhan’s attention. Just to finally get it, and to have Lan Zhan betray him like this. 

Maybe it wasn’t fair for him to put his anger at Lan Zhan onto Jiang Cheng. But he had plenty of reasons to be angry at Jiang Cheng too. 

Still, despite the bitterness that rose in him in the moment, Yuan was still in the next room. Even if he weren’t, Wei Ying didn’t really care to start another argument. He didn’t have the capacity for it.

“Now is really not a good time,” he said instead. Which was honest, if nothing else. 

He was hoping it would be enough to make Jiang Cheng leave. Instead, Jiang Cheng lashed out, which Wei Ying probably should have expected. It was Jiang Cheng after all.

“You’re really selfish, you know that?” Jiang Cheng snapped. “I can’t believe you’re still not getting clean.”

Maybe on a different day, Wei Ying would have had more strength. Today, he felt himself crumbling and too exhausted to fight back or defend himself. Even though the accusation was wrong, he felt there was no point in denying it.

“Why do you even care if I’m clean or not?” he asked instead. His tone wasn’t even angry, just resigned.

Jiang Cheng’s lips tightened. “You ruined Yanli’s wedding. I warned you not to show up if you couldn’t do it properly, but you had to cause a scene. She’s going to have a baby, and you’re still bringing chaos into everything. Of course, if you can’t even get your shit together for your own son, why should I expect you to for hers? What kind of life is this for a kid?” 

Wei Ying shook his head. He was so tired. “Please just leave,” he muttered.

It was clear Jiang Cheng was expecting a different reaction. Maybe he was expecting more of a fight. Maybe he was expecting an apology. Whatever he was expecting, he didn’t seem to know how to react to this hollowed out and defeated version of Wei Ying, because he just sat there and stared at him. 

Despite all that had happened between them, Jiang Cheng still knew Wei Ying better than most people, and Wei Ying could sense that he was realizing it. That something had been broken in Wei Ying. That whatever fight he used to have in him, he just didn’t have it anymore.

“Wei Ying,” Jiang Cheng finally said, “one of these days, you won’t stop until you kill yourself.” 

“Would that be so bad?” Wei Ying asked. 

He wasn’t sure why he said it, it just kind of slipped out. He wasn’t sure what he meant by it either. He was pretty sure he just meant that Jiang Cheng couldn’t stand him anyway, so what did he care if Wei Ying was alive or dead? He didn’t think he meant it the way it ended up sounding, and he definitely didn’t expect any sort of sympathy from Jiang Cheng. 

But the room fell silent. The question hung in the air and seemed to suck the oxygen from the room. 

“What the fuck,” Jiang Cheng finally muttered. 

Wei Ying glanced at him, and the response was just so Jiang Cheng that he actually huffed out a small miserable laugh. 

“You realize I can’t just leave now that you said that, right?” Jiang Cheng asked, sounding annoyed. 

“I’m fine,” Wei Ying said, shaking his head and trying to back out of the hole he had dug himself into. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

Jiang Cheng seemed thoroughly unconvinced. He watched Wei Ying for a moment, and then sighed.

“Look, I can call someone else if you’d prefer, but I can’t just leave you here alone,” Jiang Cheng said carefully, with more maturity than Wei Ying had ever seen him exhibit before. It made Wei Ying realize just how much older he had gotten since they had really known each other.

Wei Ying was hit with a pang of sadness at the realization that neither of them really knew each other at all anymore. That this older, more mature version of Jiang Cheng was a complete stranger to him. Because every time they did interact, they only brought out old trauma and the worst versions of each other.

“I’m not alone,” Wei Ying tried pointing out. 

“A toddler doesn’t count,” Jiang Cheng countered.

Wei Ying sighed too and sank back against the couch. The last thing he wanted was for Wen Qing or Wen Ning to get a call from Jiang Cheng telling them that Wei Ying needed to be put on suicide watch, all because he had made a stupid comment. Which meant he was resigned to putting up with Jiang Cheng, at least until he could convince him to leave. 

Annoyed, Wei Ying pulled his feet onto the couch. He could still feel Jiang Cheng’s eyes on him, so he glanced over at him. 

“What?” he asked. 

“Is it really so impossible for you to spend a day with me?” Jiang Cheng asked. 

Wei Ying raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to answer that honestly?” he asked. 

That was kind of an answer in itself, but Jiang Cheng nodded anyway.

“Yeah,” Wei Ying answered, shrugging. “Just like it’s impossible for you to spend time around me.” 

Jiang Cheng tightened his lips and looked away for a moment. 

“But why?” he eventually asked. “How did it get to this point?”

Wei Ying scoffed. How was Jiang Cheng asking him this, like he was confused about what had happened between them. 

“I don’t know, Jiang Cheng, maybe because you cut me out and don’t want anything to do with me anymore. Maybe because I killed your parents and you’ll never be able to forgive me for it.” Wei Ying’s voice cracked slightly as he said it. 

Jiang Cheng frowned. “I didn’t cut you out,” he said. “You left. You decided to run off and live with the Wens. You chose drugs and this dump of an apartment with these horrible people over your own family.” 

Wei Ying was not going to have this argument again. 

“Okay,” Wei Ying muttered. He would let Jiang Cheng have whatever warped view he wanted to have of the situation. There was nothing he could do to change Jiang Cheng’s mind. 

“Okay? That’s all you have to say?” Jiang Cheng challenged, never one to let anything go. 

Wei Ying didn’t respond. He truly couldn’t do this today. He wanted Jiang Cheng to leave and decided he was just going to ignore him until he went away.

They just sat there, in silence, for what felt like a very long time. Eventually, the silence was interrupted by another knock on the apartment door. Wei Ying frowned. He had no desire for any additional surprise visitors. So he ignored the knocking completely.

Jiang Cheng, however, got up to answer the door when he realized Wei Ying wasn’t going to. 

“Oh, Jiang Cheng, hello,” a voice said, sounding surprised. 

“Officer,” Jiang Cheng greeted in return.

Wei Ying tensed. Then turned to look. Sure enough, fucking Lan Xichen was standing on the other side of the door in full police uniform. Wei Ying should have guessed that it was just a matter of time before the police investigation made its way to his own apartment. He stood up and took a few steps towards the door.

“You can’t come in without a warrant,” Wei Ying said tersely. 

Lan Xichen didn’t react to his hostility. He just nodded his head in a polite greeting. 

“I am not here on police business,” he replied. “This is a personal matter. Can we speak privately?” 

Wei Ying was just intrigued enough to not shut the door in his face. It was probably a bad idea, but anything was better than continuing to deal with Jiang Cheng. That didn’t mean he was stupid enough to let a cop into his home. So he walked the rest of the way to the door, past Jiang Cheng, and out into the hallway with Lan Xichen. He closed the door behind him. 

“I haven’t heard from Lan Zhan in weeks,” Lan Xichen explained. He paused, then added sadly, “that’s not unusual these days, but I stopped by his work the other day on a call and decided to ask for him, and they said he wasn’t there. That worried me, so I stopped by his apartment. He didn’t answer the door, either. I might just be worrying too much, but I was just hoping you could provide me some reassurance that he’s okay.” 

Wei Ying shifted uncomfortably. Clearly, Lan Zhan had not told his brother that he and Wei Ying were no longer speaking. Wei Ying was not about to say anything either. It was none of Lan XIchen’s business and he was not in the mood for any questions about it. 

“I’ll tell him to call you,” he said instead. 

Lan Xichen nodded. “If you could, I would appreciate it.” 

With that, Wei Ying went back into his apartment. Jiang Cheng was sitting on the couch again and turned to look at Wei Ying when he came back in. But this time, Wei Ying completely ignored him. He pulled out his phone, and stared at it for a minute before he finally unblocked Lan Zhan’s number and tried to call him. 

The call went straight to voicemail. Lan Zhan’s phone wasn’t even turned on. 

Wei Ying really didn’t know what to do here. He didn’t trust Lan Zhan. He was absolutely livid at Lan Zhan. He missed Lan Zhan more than he could fathom and at the same time he felt like a fool for feeling that way. Still, Lan Xichen showing up and saying that he couldn’t find Lan Zhan left Wei Ying worried. 

Lan Zhan was not the type to miss work. And there were just too many things happening with Xue Yang and the Jins for this to feel normal. Especially now that Wei Ying knew that Lan Zhan had a very unfortunate tie to Jin Zixun, who was also his only suspect at the moment as to who might be targeting him. So Wei Ying needed to make sure Lan Zhan was okay. 

“Everything okay?” Jiang Cheng asked from the couch. 

Wei Ying glanced at him, then continued to ignore him. He suddenly had no time to care about Jiang Cheng right now. He made another phone call.

“Wei Ying!” Yanli answered, apparently excited to have seen him call. They hadn’t talked since Thanksgiving. 

“Hey, are you busy right now?” he asked. 

“No, not at all,” she answered. “Why?”

“I hate to ask this, but I have an emergency and I kind of need a last minute babysitter.”

He could hear Yanli’s smile through the phone. “I would love to hang out with Yuan,” she answered. 

“Thank you,” Wei Ying said gratefully. “Can I bring him over to your place?” 

“Yes, of course!” 

Wei Ying thanked her again and then hung up the phone. He went to his room, where Yuan had apparently fallen asleep on his bed, and scooped him up to take him back out to the living room. The movement woke Yuan up, but when he saw Jiang Cheng was still here, he buried his face in Wei Ying’s neck. 

Wei Ying pried him off to put him down and get his coat on, which made him start to fuss and whine. 

“We’re going to go visit Auntie Yanli,” Wei Ying told him. “Do you remember her?” 

Yuan nodded, and stopped fussing. Though he still glanced nervously over at Jiang Cheng. 

“I can watch him,” Jiang Cheng offered slowly. 

“No, you can’t,” Wei Ying snapped. There was no way in hell he was leaving Yuan alone with him. 

“At least let me drive you,” Jiang Cheng finally offered.

Wei Ying really didn’t want to spend any more time with Jiang Cheng, but he didn’t actually know where Yanli lived these days, didn’t have a car, and it was cold out. So he relented. 

The car ride was silent. Yuan was being unusually quiet, apparently still very intimidated by Jiang Cheng’s presence. And Wei Ying was too lost in his own panicked thoughts about Lan Zhan to pay any attention to anything else. 

Eventually, Jiang Cheng pulled them into an underground parking garage. Wei Ying helped Yuan out of the car, and carried him as Jiang Cheng led them to an elevator. He entered a code to call the elevator down, and when they got on, Wei Ying noticed it only had one button. Of course Yanli and Jin Zixuan would live somewhere where they had their own private elevator. 

The elevator moved quickly, and took them up what was probably at least 20 stories if not more. Then, the doors opened into a very nice lobby area, with a security guard sitting at a desk. He nodded at Jiang Cheng, clearly familiar with him, and let them pass as Jiang Cheng led them to a double door and knocked.

Yanli opened the door a moment later. She looked surprised to see both of them there, and then she smiled. Wei Ying knew she was reading way too much into this, but he didn’t have the heart to correct her.

“Come in,” she said, opening the door wider. 

Yuan had wide eyes as he took in the penthouse they’d just walked into. He had been in Lan Zhan’s penthouse a lot at this point, but that paled in comparison to this place. This place was clearly bought with the Jin fortune. Wei Ying set him down in a living room (of which he was sure there were more than one), and Yuan spun around in a circle as he looked at all the windows overlooking the city.

“Wow, auntie, your house is big!” Yuan said in awe. 

It was the first words he’d spoken since Jiang Cheng had arrived in Wei Ying’s apartment. Wei Ying saw Jiang Cheng watching the interaction with a small frown. Meanwhile, Yanli just smiled at being called auntie and glanced fondly at Wei Ying. He knew they had still never really talked about Yuan or how Wei Ying had a child in the first place. But she seemed to just accept it at this point. 

“Thank you again for doing this,” Wei Ying said. “Wen Ning or Wen Qing or I should be able to get him in a few hours.”

Yanli shook her head and waved him off. “I don’t mind,” she said. “Thank you for letting me spend some time with him.” 

Wei Ying turned to Yuan. “I have to go for a little bit, you’re going to stay here and play with Yanli, okay?” 

There were times where Yuan still really struggled with separation anxiety from Wei Ying, and it had become so much worse after Wei Ying had moved out for a while. But this was apparently not one of those times, because he just grabbed onto Yanli’s hand and started pulling on her. 

“I want to see the windows!” he said excitedly. 

Wei Ying glanced at her again. Sorry, he mouthed. She just giggled. 

“Go, we’ll be fine.” 

He nodded. He turned to look at Jiang Cheng, but then said nothing and turned and left.

Chapter Text

The doorman at Lan Zhan’s apartment building still recognized him and let him through without issue. He anxiously made his way to the penthouse and knocked on Lan Zhan’s door several times, but got no response. He still had his key, but he wasn’t sure he was still supposed to use it given all that had happened. Still, eventually, his worry won and he unlocked the door. 

What he found inside was not what he expected. 

The apartment was a wreck. At first glance, Wei Ying thought his suspicions had been confirmed and the place had been ransacked. Lan Zhan was usually a very clean and meticulous person, but now it looked a lot more like Wei Ying’s room back in the Bronx. 

Except, aside from a knocked over dining room chair, the mess wasn’t really one that showed signs of a struggle. Instead, there were half-full dishes everywhere, a pile of mail scattered on the kitchen island, shoes in the middle of the floor, and the place no longer smelled like incense but instead like…

Well, it smelled like a bar. 

Which made sense as soon as he laid eyes on Lan Zhan, who was passed out on the couch with a bottle of liquor on the floor next to him. Empty bottles were also scattered around the apartment. One beer had not been finished and had spilled out onto the carpet, which was likely why the place reeked so strongly of alcohol.

Lan Zhan didn’t drink. Nobody in his family did. Wei Ying had only seen Lan Zhan break that rule once, when they were 16 and he’d convinced Lan Zhan to take a shot with him after school. That was when he learned that Lan Zhan was the biggest lightweight known to man. One single shot, and Lan Zhan had passed out within the hour and woke up hours later with no memory of the afternoon. Wei Ying had never invited him to drink with him again.

That made this scene particularly concerning. 

Wei Ying exhaled a breath and went over to check on Lan Zhan. He was still breathing, which was a good sign. Wei Ying tried to shake him awake, but he was completely out. If prior experience was any indicator, he would be out for a while. Wei Ying moved him onto his side, just in case, and then started picking up the bottles that were scattered around the apartment. 

All in all, it was only about 6 beer bottles and the bottle of whiskey that was next to Lan Zhan, which was still pretty full. For Wei Ying, it would not be considered to be that much alcohol. But this was not Wei Ying. This was Lan Zhan.

Or maybe Wei Ying didn’t know Lan Zhan as well as he thought he did. Maybe he didn’t know him at all. Lan Zhan had kept a pretty big secret from him, after all.  

With the beer bottles in the trash, Wei Ying put the whiskey bottle on the table and sat down, staring at it and then looking back at Lan Zhan. 

He imagined that what he was feeling right now was similar to how other people in his life had often felt about him. Like in high school when Wen Qing snuck him into her room and gave him a place to crash because he was too high to go home to the Jiangs, including the time he actually overdosed and she and Wen Ning dragged him home and saved his life. Or the one time when Jiang Cheng found Wei Ying passed out in his car in the driveway and had to carry him inside the house and sneak him past their parents. Or even just the recent time Lan Zhan came over and found Wei Ying on the bathroom floor, completely out of touch with reality. 

This situation had to be some type of karma for putting others through all of that.

Logically, Wei Ying knew that Lan Zhan had no idea Wei Ying was coming over today. And yet, he couldn’t help but feel like this was revenge or some sort of trap. Lan Zhan thought it was a fun idea to just leave an open bottle of whiskey here for him to find? On the same day that he’d had to deal with Jiang Cheng? It was a really nice bottle of whiskey, too. One that probably cost more than Wei Ying’s rent. It felt like Lan Zhan was mocking him.

There was a part of him that wanted to dump it down the sink. There was another part of him that really, really wanted to drink it. He wanted to get good and drunk and then he wanted to scream at Lan Zhan for breaking his heart. 

He did neither of those things. He just stared at it. Miserable and lost in his own thoughts. 

He had no idea how long Lan Zhan had already been out before he arrived, but he sat there for hours. Waiting for Lan Zhan to wake up gave him plenty of time to go down several terrible emotional spirals. He was in a truly awful headspace by the time Lan Zhan finally did stir. Wei Ying didn’t even notice right away, until Lan Zhan spoke from the couch. 

“Wei Ying?” he asked, sounding confused and his voice coming out slightly raspy. 

Wei Ying glanced at him, then looked away again. A pit of dread developed in his stomach.  He was not ready for Lan Zhan to be awake.

“This is so fucked up, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying muttered, staring at the bottle of whiskey again. God, he really could use a drink to get through this conversation.  

He heard Lan Zhan slowly get up from the couch and walk over to him. He pulled out a chair and sat across from Wei Ying. He looked like hell, and Wei Ying could tell by how slow he was moving that he was extremely hungover. Wei Ying couldn’t find it in him to feel sympathetic.

“I’m only here because your brother made me think you were dead,” Wei Ying said bitterly. 

Lan Zhan didn’t immediately respond, he just looked down at the table.

“I am trying,” Wei Ying muttered through a clenched jaw, “to get my shit together so that I can stop failing my kid.” He shoved the bottle across the table at him, hard enough that it nearly slid right off the edge of the table. “I can’t deal with this,” he said, his voice cracking as he said it. 

Lan Zhan glanced up at him again, and then he finally seemed to realize the situation he had put Wei Ying in, because his eyes widened and he nodded and stood up, taking the bottle to the kitchen. 

Wei Ying hadn’t cried. Not once since the moment he heard about Jin Zixun. He’d been shattered and depressed and angry and numb, but he had never cried. He hated that he was on the verge of doing it now, of all moments, when Lan Zhan was here to witness it. 

He refused to fall apart. He swallowed, took a breath to compose himself, and then stood up and followed Lan Zhan into the kitchen. Thankfully, the bottle of whiskey was no longer anywhere in sight. Lan Zhan, however, was just staring at a kitchen counter, making no move to come back out and speak to Wei Ying. 

“You’re the one that lied, Lan Zhan. You don’t get to mope around and drink yourself stupid over it and make me feel guilty for it,” Wei Ying said angrily.

Lan Zhan looked up at him with a broken expression on his face, but he still didn’t respond right away. He just looked away again.

“I didn’t lie,” Lan Zhan eventually said. 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes, because Lan Zhan was trying to argue a technicality. Of course he didn’t lie. Lan Zhan never lies. He just intentionally withheld some very important information. 

Wei Ying could tell, though, that Lan Zhan was in no state to actually discuss this. To be honest, neither was he. Now that he knew Lan Zhan hadn’t been kidnapped or hurt, he didn’t want to be here. Several hours in a room with an open bottle of whiskey had created an itch under his skin. It left him far too on edge and he was pretty sure that if he tried to have a conversation with Lan Zhan right now, he would get really cruel, really fast. 

“Call your brother,” Wei Ying said with a defeated sigh. Then he turned and left, feeling even worse than he’d felt all day.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying was not in a good headspace at all as he headed back to Yanli’s place. Hours in a room staring at a bottle of whiskey while thinking about Lan Zhan and how fucked that situation was left him feeling like all he wanted to do was go get high. 

Yuan was safe right now. Wen Qing was working through an overnight shift tonight. Wen Ning always minded his own business. If it weren’t for Wen Qing’s daily drug tests, he could probably easily get away with it. Even then, he knew how to cheat a drug test if he really wanted to. He’d done it plenty of times when he was on probation. 

In fact, he wasn’t really sure what kept him moving in the direction of Yanli’s place instead of calling up the Tiger. But every step required effort. 

By the time he actually got to Yanli’s place, he felt so tense and on edge that he could barely function. He realized he didn’t know the code for the private elevator, and instead of just calling Yanli to ask for it, he just kind of broke and kicked the elevator door out of frustration. 

It was the wrong move. He should have realized that a building like this would have security everywhere, because suddenly someone behind him was grabbing his arm.

“Get off me,” Wei Ying hissed, trying to pull away. He was really not in the mood for this. 

The security guard did not listen. Instead, Wei Ying suddenly found himself face down on the floor with his arm pulled painfully behind his back and a knee digging into him. His jaw smacked the tile floor hard enough that it was definitely going to bruise. Then the security guard said something into his radio about an attempted break-in.

“I’m not trying to break-in,” Wei Ying argued. “Call up to the penthouse, Yanli will tell you she’s expecting me.”

The security guard ignored him, and only pushed him a little harder into the ground, knocking some of the oxygen out of him and making it hard to breathe. 

The security guard just held him there for what felt like forever. No matter how many times he asked the security guard to just call Yanli, he was ignored. The more he talked, the rougher the security guard got. So he just stopped trying.  Wei Ying regretted coming here at all. He should have just chosen to go get high.

Eventually, he heard footsteps of someone else approaching, though he couldn’t turn to look because of the way he was pinned to the floor. 

“Let him up.” 

Wei Ying had never been more relieved to hear Lan Xichen’s voice. He wasn’t sure why the lead detective of the narcotics unit was responding to a break-in call, but at least he would be able to clear up this misunderstanding. The security guard released his hold and Wei Ying rolled over and stood up, wincing slightly. He felt sore from being held in such an uncomfortable position.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Xichen said, sounding disappointed. “Do you want to tell me what is going on?”

Wei Ying scoffed. “I was coming to see Yanli and this asshole just tackled me out of nowhere and wouldn’t even listen when I tried to explain.” 

“He was attempting to break into the elevator,” the security guard said. “I believe he may be stalking Ms. Jiang.” 

Lan Xichen raised an eyebrow slightly at that. “I highly doubt that,” he answered. “Considering he is her brother.” 

Wei Ying watched the security guard’s face pale. He seemed to realize that it was likely he was losing his job today. 

Lan Xichen turned back to Wei Ying. “Call your sister and ask her to come down and confirm you’re supposed to be here,” he requested. 

Wei Ying pulled out his phone and did as he was told. 

“Hey, are you on your way back?” Yanli asked as she picked up the call. 

“I’m here,” Wei Ying answered through gritted teeth. “But I need you to come down to the first floor. I’m having an issue with your security.”

“Okay, hang on a second,” Yanli replied, then hung up the phone. 

Wei Ying turned to Lan Xichen while he waited. 

“Why are you responding to this call?” he asked suspiciously. “Seems a little below your paygrade.” 

Lan Xichen seemed to get slightly uncomfortable at the question, as if he wasn’t expecting Wei Ying to notice or ask. He hesitated for a moment before responding. 

“I heard that it was a call at the Jin residence, so I thought I should take it,” he answered. 

That wasn’t really an answer, and it only made Wei Ying more curious. Wei Ying knew that someone in the Jin family was working with Xue Yang. If the lead narcotics detective was responding to a call at the Jin residence, did that mean Lan Xichen was also investigating the Jins? Maybe he had some valuable information. 

Before he could pry any further, the elevator doors opened. Unfortunately, instead of Yanli, Jiang Cheng stepped out. Apparently he was still here. 

“Where’s Yanli?” Wei Ying asked tersely. 

Jiang Cheng glared at him. “Babysitting your son,” he responded curtly. “What’s the issue?”

Wei Ying didn’t miss the way Lan Xichen’s eyebrows raised at Jiang Cheng’s comment. Great. Now, the fact that he had a child was on police radar. That was the last thing he needed. 

“Can you just tell Lan Xichen and this fucking incompetent security guard that I’m supposed to be here?” Wei Ying snapped, completely out of patience for all of this. Being tackled to the ground tonight was a bit of a final straw for him. He had had enough of this day. He felt like he was going to lose his mind. 

Jiang Cheng stared at Wei Ying for another long moment, but seemed wise enough not to push any more buttons. He just sighed and turned to the security guard. 

“Yanli is expecting him,” Jiang Cheng confirmed. 

The security guard nodded, then turned to Wei Ying. “I am very sorry for the misunderstanding, sir,” he said.

Wei Ying ignored him. On a different day, he might have had fun watching the man squirm. But he was definitely not laughing tonight. He turned to Lan Xichen instead. 

“Am I free to go, officer?” he asked dryly.

Lan Xichen nodded. He also turned and gave a nod of acknowledgment to Jiang Cheng before leaving. 

Without another word to anyone, Wei Ying turned and stepped into the elevator. Jiang Cheng stepped inside with him and was still staring at him, but Wei Ying chose to simply pretend he wasn’t there. He was so fucking done.

Maybe his mood was clear, because not only did Jiang Cheng not make any snide comments to him in the elevator, but Yanli took one look at him as he walked into her place and suddenly she was grabbing some ice to tend to his face (which was definitely tender to the touch from being slammed into the ground) and offering to keep Yuan overnight. 

“He’s already asleep,” she insisted. “You wouldn’t want to wake him up. Besides, I need practice,” she said, rubbing her pregnant belly.

Wei Ying knew it was a load of crap. She didn’t need any practice. She’d practically raised Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng. She’d been more of a mother to them than Madam Yu ever was. 

She also didn’t know what she was offering. She seemed to realize that Wei Ying was at the end of his rope tonight and maybe she was even concerned for his ability to care for Yuan right now. But if she knew where his head was at and that having to take care of Yuan was honestly the only thing standing between Wei Ying and getting high tonight, she would not be offering him a free pass to let him have the night off. 

Meanwhile, Jiang Cheng was still silent and just kept fucking staring at him. 

“Yeah, okay,” Wei Ying agreed anyway. He couldn’t get the itch out from under his skin and probably shouldn’t have Yuan tonight.

“Do you want a ride home?” Jiang Cheng finally spoke. 

The last thing Wei Ying wanted was to continue to deal with Jiang Cheng. He shot him a glare. 

“I’ve already been beaten up once tonight, I’d rather not risk it happening again,” he seethed. 

Jiang Cheng clearly knew he was referring to the punch in the face that had happened at the bachelor party. It wasn’t something they had spoken about since, but it also wasn’t something Wei Ying had forgotten. In all their years of verbal sparring, Jiang Cheng had never gotten physically violent with him before that incident, and they both knew it was a big deal. It was also obvious that nobody had told Yanli about it, because she frowned in confusion and Jiang Cheng didn’t respond. He just looked away. 

So that’s how Wei Ying found himself leaving Yanli’s apartment and immediately calling the Tiger to buy a yin pill. He figured if he was going to do this, he might as well go all out and buy yin. Besides, yin was a synthetic drug that didn’t pop up on standard drug screens like the home kits Wen Qing bought. And even if she gave Wei Ying a more advanced test, Wei Ying knew the chemist. Which meant he had already been taught how to cheat a drug test. There was a certain tea blend that the Tiger had created for just that purpose. It wasn’t something they sold to clients, so Wen Qing and the general public had no idea it existed. But it sure did come in handy sometimes. It was how he managed to pass his drug tests while on probation.

However, once Wei Ying had bought the yin and asked for some tea for good measure and returned to his own apartment, he didn’t take it right away. He just sat in his room and stared at the little jet black pill.

It’s not like he thought this was a good idea. He knew this was a huge mistake before even taking it. He just wasn’t sure he cared today. Fighting it felt hopeless. He was tired of feeling heartbroken over Lan Zhan. Tired of feeling hated and judged by everyone. Tired of being tackled and assumed to be a criminal when he was just trying to pick up his own kid and see his sister. A sister that he shouldn’t even be visiting, because just having her in his life was putting her life at risk. And it’s not like he was getting any closer to figuring out why Xue Yang had it out for him.

Quite honestly, Yuan was better off if he just left him there at Yanli’s forever. As much as that hurt to even consider, it was true. Wei Ying was not cut out to be his father. He couldn’t even pick him up today without being questioned by the damn police. It was humiliating.

So yeah, taking yin was a mistake, but wasn’t it just proof of what Wei Ying already knew? That he was only capable of fucking up?

Just as he was about to finally give in and put the yin in his mouth, his phone rang. Wei Ying glanced down to the floor where it sat and saw Lan Zhan’s name on the screen. He silenced the call. Then he changed his mind on swallowing the pill, deciding that would take too long. Instead, he crawled under his bed and pulled out a pouch of things he had not touched in a long time. Again, if he was going to do this, he might as well go all out. 

He went to the kitchen to grab some water and came back. From the pouch, he pulled out a spoon, a lighter, a tourniquet, and a syringe. Shooting yin was something he had told himself he would never do again. Not since the night he overdosed. But then again, he had also told himself more recently that he would never do yin again at all. So what was two broken promises to himself instead of one? 

Besides, there was no feeling quite like the feeling of shooting yin into your veins. Taking a pill was bliss, but injecting it was a spiritual experience. 

He went through the routine pretty methodically. The steps were still very ingrained in him from when he used to do this years ago. He had just gotten everything prepped and the tourniquet around his arm when his phone started ringing again. 

Wei Ying closed his eyes in frustration. He was so fucking close to relief. He tapped the red button and sent the call to voicemail, but as soon as the ringing stopped, it started again. Wei Ying was not about to have this high ruined by his phone constantly buzzing because Lan Zhan couldn’t leave him alone. He reluctantly answered with the sole goal of telling Lan Zhan to go fuck himself. 

“What the hell do you want?” Wei Ying asked angrily. 

The other end of the line was silent. Wei Ying almost wondered if it had been a pocket dial. Or maybe a drunk dial, if Lan Zhan had gone back to what he had been doing before Wei Ying had shown up today. But just as he was about to hang up, Lan Zhan finally spoke. 

“I received a call from your brother,” Lan Zhan said hesitantly. “He says he is worried you are going to harm yourself.” 

Wei Ying grimaced. Fucking Jiang Cheng. No wonder he had been acting so weird tonight. He was still hung up on that stupid comment Wei Ying had made earlier. 

Then again, it’s not like Wei Ying could say he was doing perfectly fine at the moment, considering he had a tourniquet around his arm and a syringe beside him. Suddenly the reality of what he was about to do truly hit him. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan prompted when Wei Ying did not immediately respond. “Are you okay?”

Wei Ying hesitated for another second, staring at the syringe, and then he sighed. 

“Fuck you, Lan Zhan,” he said, though it came out sounding more defeated than anything else.

Lan Zhan waited for a beat before responding, but when he did, his voice was slow and careful. 

“Wei Ying, I am pulling up to your place now. Please don’t do anything. Let’s just talk.” 

Wei Ying thought about trying to clarify that Jiang Cheng was overreacting and he wasn’t about to kill himself, but ultimately decided it didn’t matter. Lan Zhan wouldn’t just take his word for it, and if Lan Zhan was about to show up at his door, it would ruin his high anyway. He was pretty sure he hadn’t locked the front door, which meant that he only had a few minutes before Lan Zhan came busting in. So he just hung up the phone and took the tourniquet off his arm, because he was not about to let Lan Zhan find him looking like this. That would be too pathetic. 

He tossed it on the ground and left his room, closing the bedroom door to keep what he had been about to do out of sight. 

Sure enough, he had barely made it to the living room before Lan Zhan was pounding at his front door. Wei Ying walked over and opened it. 

Lan Zhan seemed relieved to find Wei Ying standing in front of him, but Wei Ying was not feeling particularly warm towards Lan Zhan right now. He just stared at him.

“Can I come in?” Lan Zhan asked after a moment. 

Wei Ying considered saying no, but figured he would rather convince Lan Zhan he was fine than deal with anything worse, like Lan Zhan calling his brother for an involuntary hospital hold or some shit like that. He had had enough police contact for one day. So he reluctantly opened the door further and took a step back to let Lan Zhan in. 

“I’m fine,” Wei Ying said as Lan Zhan stepped inside. “Jiang Cheng shouldn’t have called you.” 

Lan Zhan took one look at Wei Ying, and clearly didn’t believe him. 

“Where’s Yuan?” he asked in concern, glancing around the apartment.

“With my sister,” Wei Ying answered. He made no move to invite Lan Zhan to come in further or sit down. 

Lan Zhan stepped in further anyway. He still didn’t seem to trust Wei Ying, because he immediately noticed the closed bedroom door and walked straight for it.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying hissed, trying to stop him, but Lan Zhan had already made it to the door and was opening it. 

Wei Ying felt something in him deflate as he watched Lan Zhan’s gaze almost immediately land on the supplies he had left sitting on the floor. Lan Zhan’s expression changed from one of suspicion to something unreadable. 

“Wei Ying,” he said sadly, turning back to look at him.

Wei Ying just shook his head in defeat and turned away. So much for convincing Lan Zhan he was fine and getting him to leave.

“Go ahead. Call Wen Qing and tattle on me like you always fucking do,” Wei Ying muttered. “Even if she kicks me out, I’m not coming back to your place. I’d rather sleep on the street at this point.” 

Instead of responding, Lan Zhan just went to the kitchen and started rummaging through the recycling can. Wei Ying had no idea what he was doing and thought maybe he had lost his mind, but then Lan Zhan pulled out an empty milk jug. He then grabbed an empty trash bag before he headed for the bedroom, and Wei Ying understood. 

He followed and watched as Lan Zhan carefully picked up the syringe and dropped it inside the milk jug. Apparently having a narcotics detective for a brother meant Lan Zhan had learned about how to safely dispose of these things. He closed the jug and put it in the bag along with the tourniquet, then picked up the spoon that already had the crushed up pill on it and took it to the bathroom, where he proceeded to dump its contents into the toilet and flush it. Then the spoon was put in the bag too. 

Wei Ying’s heart sank. He had bought that pill with the last of the money he had to his name, and now Lan Zhan was just throwing it away. Though, at the same time, a small part of him felt relieved. He had already known this was a mistake, and now the decision was out of his hands. 

“Is there any more?” Lan Zhan asked matter of factly. 

Wei Ying shook his head, though he didn’t really expect Lan Zhan to believe him at this point. 

Whether he believed him or not, Lan Zhan closed and tied the trash bag and then took it out of the apartment to drop it down the trash chute. Wei Ying went to sit on his couch and waited for Lan Zhan to come back in. He knew he was completely caught so he resigned himself to having a conversation, because what else was he supposed to do? 

Lan Zhan did come back in a moment later. He didn’t join Wei Ying on the couch, but instead stood with his back against the kitchen island and stared at him. Nobody said anything for a long moment. 

“Did you already use?” Lan Zhan eventually asked. 

Wei Ying shook his head. “You’ll be happy to hear that you butted in just in time to ruin all the fun,” he muttered. “Typical Lan Zhan style.” He paused, then added, “You know, I couldn’t understand it at first, but the more I think about it, you and Jin Zixun make a good pair. You both are equally uptight and pretentious.” 

Lan Zhan ignored the insults. “I am not happy about any of this,” he said instead, his voice pained. 

When Wei Ying didn’t answer, Lan Zhan continued. “I am sorry for not telling you about Jin Zixun. I would like the chance to explain.” 

Wei Ying felt a renewed fire erupt in him. “Explain what, Lan Zhan?” he asked angrily. “How the hell do you explain something like this? I tell you that I think Jin Zixun is making threats against my family and you act like you don’t know a damn thing about the guy. Come to find out the whole reason he hates me in the first place is because of you. You lied to me! And don’t you dare say you didn’t.” 

Lan Zhan swallowed nervously. “When Jin Zixun and I dated, it was a private relationship. I was not aware that anyone knew about it until I realized Jin Zixuan knew on Thanksgiving.” 

Wei Ying scoffed. “So you thought you would never get caught lying,” he accused.

“No,” Lan Zhan answered immediately. “I simply thought it was not my place to out him. Just as I would not tell anyone about dating you without your permission.” 

Wei Ying shook his head. “It’s not the same. I was asking about him for a reason,” Wei Ying argued. 

“I do not believe Jin Zixun is working with Xue Yang,” Lan Zhan replied. “If I thought he was involved in any way with this current situation, I would have said something. He is very strongly opposed to drugs and criminal lifestyles. He has very inflexible beliefs, actually. It would be against his very nature.”

Wei Ying just looked away from Lan Zhan. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan pleaded. 

“No!” Wei Ying suddenly snapped, glaring at Lan Zhan again. “You don’t get it, do you? These are the people that killed my parents. They are making threats against my sister. Your whole world, your friends, your family, your ex, they all despise me! So everyone is a suspect, and now I can’t trust you anymore! I don’t believe what you’re telling me because I can no longer take you at your word. Do you know how much that sucks, Lan Zhan? To not be able to tell if you’re telling me the truth or not?”

Lan Zhan looked broken and helpless as he watched Wei Ying unleash all of his hurt on him, but Wei Ying didn’t hold back. This had been brewing in him since Thanksgiving. 

“I will tell you anything you want to know,” Lan Zhan eventually said, a determination to his tone.

Wei Ying shook his head again, because it was all a fantasy, wasn’t it? He could never date someone like Lan Zhan. It was never going to work. It never made any sense. They were different people from different worlds. Lan Zhan was a music teacher in a fancy prep school who lived in a penthouse apartment and dated people like Jin Zixun. Wei Ying… well, he was the guy who the security at penthouses like that called the cops on. He was the junkie who shot up yin in his rundown apartment. 

“Let me go, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying muttered bitterly. 

“No,” Lan Zhan said firmly. He stood up and walked over to the couch where Wei Ying was sitting, kneeling down next to Wei Ying. “I am on your side, Wei Ying. Let me prove it to you.” 

Wei Ying looked at Lan Zhan’s perfect facial features and golden eyes, which were staring intensely at him, and he couldn’t help it. No matter how much he wanted to hold his ground and not let Lan Zhan break him, he was also desperately in love with Lan Zhan. He relented just slightly. 

“Why does Jin Zixun hate me so much?” he challenged. 

He saw a flicker in Lan Zhan’s gaze, but Lan Zhan did not falter in his response. 

“I dated him shortly after your arrest,” Lan Zhan answered. “There was a lot of gossip about you at that time. He knew that we had been friends, and did not like that I would not condemn you as others were. He believed there had been something between you and me. He was jealous of you.”

Wei Ying scoffed. The idea was ludicrous. At that time, Lan Zhan strongly disapproved of Wei Ying. There was nothing to be jealous of. 

“If only he knew how much you couldn’t stand me back then,” Wei Ying muttered. 

Lan Zhan shook his head. “No, he was right to some extent,” Lan Zhan answered. “I ultimately could not commit to a relationship with him. My feelings for you were too strong.” 

Lan Zhan said it so casually, but it completely threw Wei Ying through a loop. Lan Zhan had feelings for him, even then? 

“He was arrogant,” Lan Zhan continued. “He believed himself to be better than you due to his money and status, and he could not understand why I did not care about those things.” 

Wei Ying frowned. “Then why did you date him?” Wei Ying asked. “He sounds like a total prick.” 

For the first time since starting this line of conversation, Lan Zhan did falter. He broke eye contact and looked down. 

“Uncle and Xichen realized my feelings for you too,” he said. “I thought maybe if I was dating someone like Jin Zixun instead, they might approve of my sexuality.” 

For the first time, Wei Ying could clearly see the hurt and shame that Lan Zhan’s family had caused him plastered all over his face. According to the timeline given, Lan Zhan had only been 17 when he had dated Jin Zixun. Wei Ying had known Lan Zhan back then, so he had known how committed Lan Zhan had been to his family’s rules and seeking their approval. It must have been devastating to have worked that hard his entire life to please them and still not feel accepted by them.  It hurt Wei Ying to see the pain they had caused.

Wei Ying sighed. He let his hand come down to rest on Lan Zhan’s shoulder in some semblance of an attempt to comfort him. 

“I’m sorry,” Wei Ying said sadly. He didn’t know if he was just sad for the fact that Lan Zhan’s family were so awful, or if he was apologizing for being such a disappointment to them. Either way, the message was clear that Wei Ying understood why he had done what he had done and forgave him.

But he didn’t know where to go from here. He believed Lan Zhan. But it didn’t fix everything. Could this relationship really work moving forward? All this conversation really did was leave Wei Ying back at square one in terms of trying to find out who was threatening his sister. 

Lan Zhan eventually spoke up again.

“You asked me how I knew I was gay. I said it was in high school, because I realized I liked a boy. That was you, Wei Ying. It has always only ever been you for me.” 

That confession was too much for Wei Ying. He really couldn’t process that kind of thing at the moment, so he decided to not take it too seriously.

“Lan Zhan, you can’t just say things like that,” he scolded. “You’ve got to warn a guy, first.” 

A small smile played at Lan Zhan’s lips. Things weren’t really resolved between them, but Lan Zhan seemed eager to follow Wei Ying’s lead and at least let the tension drop for a moment. He got up off the floor and sat down next to Wei Ying on the couch. 

“Are you okay?” Lan Zhan asked gently, changing the subject slightly. 

Wei Ying knew he was referring to the fact that he’d originally come over here on the premise that Jiang Cheng thought he was suicidal, and then what he’d found in the bedroom. Wei Ying also knew based on those circumstances that there was no way he could answer yes to that question and sound convincing.

So Wei Ying pulled his feet up onto the couch and turned himself sideways so that he was facing Lan Zhan. 

“It would have been a stupid decision,” Wei Ying acknowledged. “It was just a really hard day.” His voice wavered at the last sentence and he had to close his eyes for a moment to prevent himself from crying. 

He heard Lan Zhan sigh. “I apologize,” he said, “for what you saw in my apartment today. For what it’s worth, we are both capable of stupid decisions.” 

Wei Ying stretched his legs out so that they laid across Lan Zhan’s lap and rested his head on the back of the couch. Lan Zhan responded by putting a hand on his lower leg and gently massaging his calf in a comforting gesture. The simple touch was a sign that they were both letting some of the walls fall between them. But Wei Ying didn’t want Lan Zhan to think that meant everything was suddenly fine, either. 

“I can’t deal with that, Lan Zhan,” he said firmly. “Maybe that makes me a huge hypocrite, but if you’ve developed some drinking problem that I don’t know about, I can’t handle it. It really fucked with my head today.” 

Lan Zhan shook his head. “It will not happen again,” he said firmly. 

Wei Ying nodded.

“Does that mean you are willing to give me another chance?” Lan Zhan asked hesitantly. 

Wei Ying considered his response for a moment. “I can’t leave Yuan again,” he answered. “He doesn’t handle it well.” 

“Then he will move in with us,” Lan Zhan said decidedly. 

Wei Ying’s eyes widened. That seemed to be moving very fast. They’d only been dating for a few weeks and then they’d already broken up once. Now Lan Zhan was ready to take in Wei Ying’s kid? 

“I can’t just do something like that,” Wei Ying answered. “I’d have to talk to Wen Qing and Wen Ning about it.” And how was he supposed to explain any of this to the Wens? They had no idea he and Lan Zhan were dating.

Lan Zhan seemed unphased by the logistics, though. All he seemed to take out of the conversation was that Wei Ying was willing to try again. The next thing Wei Ying knew, Lan Zhan was leaning forward towards him. 

Wei Ying couldn’t help himself. He knew what Lan Zhan wanted so he met him halfway. He’d really missed kissing Lan Zhan and as soon as their lips connected he sank into it.

After a moment, Lan Zhan pulled back. 

“Yuan is with your sister right now?” he confirmed. 

Wei Ying nodded, though he wasn’t sure where the question was coming from. 

“Where are the Wens?” Lan Zhan asked. 

“Wen Qing is at work,” Wei Ying answered. Then he glanced around the apartment. “I actually have no idea where Wen Ning is. It’s weird that he’s out so late.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t seem all that interested in how weird that was. He just pushed forward and kissed Wei Ying again, and suddenly Wei Ying understood why he was asking. 

“Not here,” Wei Ying said, prying his lips free. “My room.” 

Wen Ning was a gentle soul. Wei Ying was not about to risk traumatizing him by making him accidentally walk in on anything. But the next thing he knew, Lan Zhan had gotten off the couch and picked him up bridal style to carry him to his bedroom. 

Wei Ying laughed. He had desperately missed Lan Zhan. It felt like a missing piece of himself was being put back into place.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying woke up to the sensation of Lan Zhan nuzzling at his neck. His first instinct was to turn around to kiss him. But when Lan Zhan’s hands started to wander, Wei Ying pulled away and sat up. 

He had let himself get carried away last night. Honestly, he had just missed Lan Zhan so much, and on top of that he had been in such a terrible mental space that he just wanted a high. Since he couldn’t get the high of drugs, he’d chased the next best thing. But this morning his mind was a bit clearer, and he knew they had left a lot of things unresolved. 

Lan Zhan sat up with him. Wei Ying took a deep breath, then turned to look at Lan Zhan. 

“Is everything okay?” Lan Zhan asked at Wei Ying’s clear restlessness.

“Were you serious? About Yuan moving in?” Wei Ying asked. 

Lan Zhan nodded. 

“It’s just, isn’t that moving kind of fast? That’s a big deal, taking on someone else’s child. And it’s a big change for Yuan, I don’t want to uproot him until we’re really sure about this.”

“I am very sure about this,” Lan Zhan responded determinedly. “Are you not?”

Wei Ying hesitated and looked away. Lan Zhan didn’t say anything, he just watched Wei Ying with an intense gaze. 

Wei Ying didn’t really know how to describe his hesitation. Sure, they’d only been dating for a few weeks, but they’d known each other for years. Of course he loved Lan Zhan. Of course he wanted everything with Lan Zhan. But there was just this curse that followed him everywhere and turned him into a tornado of destruction to everyone around him. 

“I’m a mess,” he finally answered. “I’m not even sure about my ability to stay clean day to day, much less my ability to sustain a relationship. I don’t have a job. I can’t even pick up Yuan from my sister’s house without your brother almost arresting me. I don’t fit into your world, Lan Zhan. Your family is never going to approve of me, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

Wei Ying was expecting Lan Zhan to be hurt by Wei Ying’s words, but he wasn’t expecting the stony anger flashed over Lan Zhan’s face. 

“Xichen did what?” he asked in a low voice. 

Wei Ying quickly shook his head as he realized what Lan Zhan had latched onto. 

“Nothing,” he clarified. “It was the security guard who called the cops -” 

Before Wei Ying could finish explaining, there was a very loud pounding on the apartment door. Wei Ying frowned. The pounding occurred again, and this time someone shouted something. 

“What the hell,” Wei Ying muttered. He rolled out of bed and threw some clothes on to go and see who was trying to break his door down. 

As soon as he opened it, his stomach dropped. Speak of the devil, Lan Xichen and Meng Yao were standing there, and by the expression on Lan Xichen’s face, this was not a friendly housecall like the day before. Before Wei Ying even had a chance to say anything, Lan Xichen was stepping forward and turning Wei Ying around to place handcuffs on him.

“Wei Ying, you are under arrest for the murders of Jin Zixun and Jin Zixuan. You have the right to…” 

Wei Ying zoned out the reading of his rights as soon as he heard the charges. All he could think of at that moment was Yanli. His heart felt like it had stopped. She was pregnant, and now her fiance was dead? 

He glanced frantically at Lan Zhan, who was coming out of the bedroom.

“Xichen, what is this?” Lan Zhan asked angrily. 

Lan Xichen looked at his brother for a moment with a look of pity, but ultimately ignored his question. 

“Wei Ying, do you understand your rights?” he asked, his tone completely formal and professional, not even a hint of familiarity in it.

“Yeah,” Wei Ying muttered, finally looking away from Lan Zhan. After all, wasn’t this the point he had been trying to make just a moment ago. Here he was being led out of his apartment in handcuffs. He was not meant for someone like Lan Zhan. 

“Wei Ying, don’t say anything,” Lan Zhan said firmly. 

Wei Ying didn’t look at him or respond, he just let Xichen guide him out of the apartment and down the stairs and into the back of a police cruiser. 

The booking process was hell. All Wei Ying wanted was more information. What had happened to Zixuan? Was Yanli okay? Was Yuan okay? But nobody was talking to him. He wasn’t even taken to an interrogation room, which was odd. Weren’t they supposed to try to question him if he was being accused of a crime? But instead he was just booked into the system and taken directly to a holding cell. 

At some point he heard a guard say they had him on suicide watch, which meant someone probably talked to Jiang Cheng. But beyond that, he knew absolutely nothing about what was going on.

After about three hours of torturous waiting, a guard came and opened a slot on his cell door. “Turn around and back up towards the door with your hands behind your back,” the guard instructed. “You have a visitor.”

Wei Ying did as he was told, and the guard put handcuffs on him again. Then he opened the door and led him down a hallway and into a room with a small table and two chairs. A man that Wei Ying didn’t recognize at all was sitting in there waiting for him. He had a file in front of him.

“Wei Ying,” the man greeted, standing up as Wei Ying entered the room. “Good to see you.” 

Wei Ying frowned. “Who are you?”

The man smiled. “My apologies. I’ve been hired as your attorney. Come sit.” 

Wei Ying immediately knew this was Lan Zhan’s doing, because this guy was wearing a very nice designer suit and there was no way in hell a public defender would dress like that. 

As he sat down, the guard unlocked one handcuff to give him a free hand, but locked the other one to the back of his chair so that he could not leave. Then the guard turned and left the room. 

“What is going on?” Wei Ying immediately asked. “They’re saying I murdered the Jins.” 

The attorney nodded. “You and two co-defendants. Wen Ning and Wen Qing,” he replied. 

Wei Ying felt a pit of anxiety building inside him. Is that why Wen Ning had not come home last night? Had he already been arrested? 

“The good news is, Ms. Wen’s time is all accounted for, as she was confirmed to be working at the hospital all day yesterday. The case against her is weak, and they are releasing her on a low bond as we speak. You have a pretty solid alibi as well. Multiple witnesses can account for your whereabouts yesterday, including one of the cops that arrested you, ironically enough. I guess they didn’t do a very thorough investigation,” he smirked. “Accusing you of committing a murder while they literally had two police contacts with you on that same day and can confirm your whereabouts themselves. Shoddy police work if you ask me.”

Wei Ying was not as excited about this as the attorney clearly was. He was desperately trying to piece all of this together, and he had already identified a glaring problem with this attorney’s theory.

“But there’s some question about the timeframes surrounding those police contacts,” the attorney continued. “My firm has been doing a lot of research. They can confirm that you were with Jiang Cheng in the morning, and then went to your sister’s house, and then Lan Zhan’s apartment. Security footage shows when you entered and left his apartment and then you’re shown on security footage at the Jin residence again an hour and a half later. I need to know your travel routes between each of these locations so that I can get security footage of the subway system to show your travel during the times you weren’t with anyone, and we also need to fill the time gap after you left the Jin residence and before you were with Lan Zhan again.”

And there it was. The glaring problem.

He had been buying drugs from the Tiger after he left Yanli’s place. He couldn’t reveal that info to the cops.

“I can’t,” Wei Ying said immediately, his stomach sinking. 

“What do you mean you can’t?” the attorney asked in concern. “You do understand that you’re being accused of murder? You really need to be able to provide your alibi.”

Wei Ying sighed. “I didn’t murder anyone,” he replied. “I know that as a defense attorney you’re not supposed to ask me that, but let’s just make that clear right off the bat. I’m totally innocent of these charges. But if I tell them where I went after visiting Yanli, I’d be incriminating myself for a different crime.” 

The attorney raised an eyebrow at him. “A different crime that carries a lesser sentence than double murder?” he asked harshly. “Because if you have to choose between a year on probation or a life sentence, I hope I don’t need to tell you which to pick.” 

Wei Ying just shook his head sadly. “I’d be incriminating someone else too, and I can’t do that.” 

The attorney looked extremely displeased at that response. “I’ve been doing this a long time, Mr. Wei. I can go ahead and tell you right now that whoever you’re protecting, it’s not worth it. They wouldn’t do the same for you.” 

Wei Ying didn’t answer. The truth was, he wasn’t doing this because he particularly cared about the Tiger. Of course it was smart to avoid pissing off your supplier, and as a general rule of thumb Wei Ying wasn’t a snitch, but that wasn’t what this was about. He was keeping his mouth shut because he felt like maybe he had already figured out why this was happening. He was being framed for murder for this exact reason. Someone knew what he had been doing yesterday and was trying to get him to give the Tiger up. What he didn’t know is who was behind it, or what their motive was, or why they would literally kill two people just to take down a drug dealer. 

Still, he wasn’t going to let them win that easily. And besides, giving that information up right now would only get Wei Ying off the hook. It wouldn’t protect Wen Ning. So Wei Ying would hold his cards close until he knew how to protect everyone he loved. 

The attorney sighed. “Well, there goes any chance at getting the charges dropped. We’ll have to take it to trial then.” 

Wei Ying didn’t care about himself right now. He had a million other questions running through his head. 

“My kid,” he interjected anxiously.

The attorney nodded again. “Because the Wens were both getting arrested, child protective services wanted to take custody. However, Lan Zhan had me prepare an emergency filing with Wen Qing’s consent. He currently has custody of Yuan.” 

Wei Ying exhaled a sigh of relief at that. 

“Yanli?” he asked. 

The attorney looked concerned at that question, and Wei Ying’s stomach did a flip. 

“Is she okay?” Wei Ying pushed.

“She is safe,” the attorney answered slowly. “However, there is currently a mandatory protection order in place. You are not to attempt to contact her or come within 100 feet of her. You cannot contact her even through a third party.” 

Wei Ying looked away, his eyes welling up with tears. Did Yanli actually think he had done this? Did she think he was capable of such a thing?

Noticing his emotional reaction, his attorney got even more firm. “Wei Ying, it’s not a good look to have security footage of you trying to kick in an elevator at your sister’s apartment on the same day you’re accused of murdering her fiance. You seriously need to abide by that protection order.” 

Wei Ying nodded miserably.

“My firm has already negotiated the terms of your release,” the attorney continued. “You will be on an ankle monitor. The judge has refused to release you to your own address, due to the fact that one of your co-defendants, Wen Qing, has already been released to that address. You cannot have contact with her, nor with Wen Ning, nor with your arresting officers. You have to abide by this or they’ll issue a warrant. You will instead be released to Lan Zhan’s address and under complete house arrest while you await trial.” 

“What about Wen Ning?” he asked. If they weren’t allowed to live together at the apartment and none of them were allowed to speak to each other, Wen Ning would have nowhere to go. 

“We don’t represent Wen Ning,” he said flatly, clearly annoyed with Wei Ying’s inability to focus on his own case.

Wei Ying looked away and clenched his jaw in frustration. The attorney sighed.

“He does not have anyone to corroborate his whereabouts at all yesterday and there’s quite a bit of evidence against him. It looks like he was arrested not too long ago on a drug charge. The charges were dropped, but witnesses report he was asking around about the Jins at that time. There’s also more recent evidence suggesting that he has been stalking Jin Zixun. He is currently being held without bond.” 

Fuck. This was all Wei Ying’s fault. He wasn’t sure what Wen Ning had been up to lately, but he is the one who had the Wens looking into the Jins. They’d all been going around asking about Jin Zixun, and now it was being used against them to frame them for murder. Once again, Wei Ying couldn’t help but feel like he was ruining the lives of everyone around him. 

He had plenty of time to stew on that after he finished meeting with the attorney and was escorted back to his cell. He felt an overwhelming mixture of emotions. Shock, fear, grief, anger. It was probably for the best that he was in a cell, because his desire to drown it all out and get really high had never been stronger than it was right now. 

Eventually, the guard came back and told him he was being released. He was fitted with an ankle monitor and then escorted to the exit, where Lan Zhan was in a car waiting. Wei Ying was too lost in his head to really say much. He just got into the front seat. 

Yuan was in a carseat in the back. 

“Dad! Lan Zhan says we get to live in his big apartment now!” Yuan said excitedly. 

“We sure do,” Wei Ying said, trying to feign as much positivity as he could into his response. 

Lan Zhan and Wei Ying had been in the middle of a conversation about moving Yuan in right before all of this happened, and Wei Ying had not been leaning towards doing so yet. He and Lan Zhan were still on shaky terms right now. Still, Wei Ying was very grateful that Yuan was not in foster care right now, and at least he was completely oblivious to how tragic this whole day was. 

Wei Ying’s tone was clearly not fooling Lan Zhan though. He just glanced at Wei Ying from the driver’s seat. When Wei Ying didn’t meet his eye, Lan Zhan started the car and took them home.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying didn’t say anything the entire drive to Lan Zhan’s apartment, nor for several hours after that. Yuan was already asleep in bed and Wei Ying still hadn’t said a word. He knew he was probably freaking Lan Zhan out, since Lan Zhan was just sitting on the couch watching him pace around the apartment like a madman, but Wei Ying was desperately trying to put all of the pieces together and figure this out. 

What if they had been wrong this entire time? What if the Jins were simply the target, not the accomplice? What if Xue Yang’s comment had not been a threat against Yanli, but instead a threat against Zixuan? After all, Xue Yang had merely mentioned that Yanli was getting married. That could easily be referring to Zixuan. What if all the leads they’d been following this whole time were wrong? 

Suddenly Wei Ying wished he had asked Wen Qing for more details about the intel they had gathered that led them to suspect the Jins in the first place. He had just been a bit distracted by the search warrant that morning, and then Wen Ning’s arrest, and then the fight with Lan Zhan that occurred later that night. But he should have asked more questions.

Now, he wasn’t even allowed to talk to them. 

If it wasn’t someone in the Jin family, that opened the door to so many more possible suspects. Which wasn’t helpful because it meant he was right back at square one with no leads. But it had never really made sense that it was a Jin anyway. The Jins built their fortune off of Jin Corp. They didn’t need to stoop to something as low as drugs, and none of them had any known ties to the drug-dealing world. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan finally spoke up, interrupting his train of thought. 

Wei Ying stopped pacing and turned to look at him.

“Sit down,” Lan Zhan pleaded softly. 

Wei Ying reluctantly complied and joined Lan Zhan on the couch, though he felt extremely restless and antsy. 

“Jin Zixuan is dead,” Wei Ying said, his voice shaking. Because aside from the puzzle of it all, there was also that. Wei Ying’s heart ached for Yanli. He would do anything to make her not have to go through this. It was tearing him apart that this had happened and he hated that she might think he was responsible. But he couldn’t think about that too hard right now, because if he did, he would fall apart. And he needed to not fall apart. 

“I know,” Lan Zhan answered softly. 

“I didn’t do it,” Wei Ying insisted. 

“I know,” Lan Zhan said again. 

Wei Ying felt a tiny bit of relief in the knowledge that Lan Zhan believed him, though it did nothing to ease the swirl of emotions he was trying to contain. 

“Neither did Wen Ning,” Wei Ying continued. He wasn’t even saying it to try to convince Lan Zhan, just to process everything out loud, but then he noticed the way Lan Zhan tensed. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said slowly, in a way that definitely sounded like he didn’t believe that Wen Ning was innocent. 

“He didn’t,” Wei Ying said coldly. 

Lan Zhan didn’t try to argue with him any further. He just tightened his lips and said nothing in response. Which wasn’t enough. Wei Ying couldn’t believe Lan Zhan really thought Wen Ning could do this. He couldn’t believe this was still a point of contention between them at all. Lan Zhan still didn’t trust the Wens?

That wasn’t okay with Wei Ying.

But he was in no mental state to argue, so without another word, Wei Ying stood up again and walked away. He would leave the apartment if he could, but given he was on house arrest, he simply went to the guest bedroom Yuan was currently sleeping in and went to sit in the corner of the room. Lan Zhan at least seemed to get the message not to follow him, because he left him alone. 

Wei Ying then proceeded to spend several more hours sitting in that corner, running through every possible scenario he could in his head. Any possible suspects. Any possible motives. He even considered something as absurd as Lan Qiren being behind all of this, in an attempt to frame Wei Ying and get revenge for corrupting his nephew. That’s how out of ideas he was. 

Nothing made sense. He was missing too much information. 

Eventually, Lan Zhan did join him again. Wei Ying was so focused on trying to solve this that he didn’t even notice that Lan Zhan had entered the room until Lan Zhan was kneeling in front of him and touching his arm to get his attention.

“Wei Ying, you need to sleep,” Lan Zhan insisted. 

Wei Ying wasn’t even the slightest bit tired. He couldn’t sleep. He needed to figure this out. He just shook his head. 

Lan Zhan sighed. 

“Is it okay if I take Yuan to school with me this morning and enroll him in the pre-K program?” Lan Zhan asked. 

“What?” Wei Ying asked. It took him a moment to fully process the change in subject, and when he did, he realized that Lan Zhan was claiming it was morning. Which meant Wei Ying had been up all night thinking about this, and he was still no closer to an answer. 

“Since I currently hold legal custody, he would get free tuition,” Lan Zhan explained. 

“Yeah, sure,” Wei Ying muttered.

Lan Zhan just nodded and then stood up to get Yuan up for the day, leaving Wei Ying alone again. 

Lan Zhan quickly learned the hard way that Yuan was not a fan of being woken up. Wei Ying could hear him start to fuss as soon as Lan Zhan took him out of the room, and then he started throwing a full on fit about breakfast. 

The sound of Yuan’s tantrum did at least distract Wei Ying for a moment from the problem at hand. He could hear Lan Zhan talking to Yuan, though he couldn’t hear what Lan Zhan was saying. 

Whatever he said worked, because Yuan stopped wailing. 

It had only been a momentary distraction, but it was enough to break Wei Ying out of his frantic daze and realize that Lan Zhan was right to some extent. He needed to take a step back. He was not getting anywhere by just sitting here and letting his mind spin. 

He then truly processed for the first time what Lan Zhan had just asked. That would make this Yuan’s first day of school.

The thought was both exciting and depressing. Wei Ying wanted this for Yuan, but he felt bitter about the fact that he couldn’t take him for his first day. That was something a parent was supposed to be able to do for their child. He was supposed to meet Yuan’s teacher and see him off. Instead, Lan Zhan got to do all of that because Wei Ying was on house arrest. 

He tried to swallow down his disappointment as he walked out of the bedroom. 

Lan Zhan had Yuan at the table, eating a banana. He looked perfectly content. If Wei Ying had not heard it himself, he would not have known that Yuan had just been throwing a tantrum. Wei Ying still had no idea how Lan Zhan made dealing with Yuan look so easy. 

Usually, Wei Ying was impressed by Lan Zhan’s magical parenting skills. Today, it just made him feel even more disappointed in himself and miserable about this whole situation. Clearly, Lan Zhan was a better parent to Yuan than Wei Ying could ever be. 

Seeing Yuan eat also made Wei Ying realize he hadn’t eaten anything in at least two days. Not since before Jiang Cheng showed up at his apartment. Lan Zhan was eating a bowl of oatmeal, which sounded awful. Wei Ying walked over to the kitchen to see what else he could eat. The fridge was still nothing but vegetables and tofu. The pantry didn’t fare much better. Rice, oats, some vegan protein bars, some loose leaf tea, etc. Nothing edible. 

It’s not like Wei Ying didn’t know that. He’d been living here for a while before they broke up, after all. Lan Zhan had at least taken pity on him and brought him a lot of takeout meals from his favorite restaurants the last time he was living here. But knowing that this apartment was his current jail cell made the food selection particularly upsetting. 

“If I’m not allowed to leave this place, you have to at least buy some fucking eggs,” Wei Ying griped as he closed the pantry door in frustration. 

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan scolded, glancing at Yuan and clearly upset about the language Wei Ying was using. 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes, because Yuan was still his kid. He was really not in the mood to be told how to parent. 

“I’m sorry, did I offend you?” he snapped back sarcastically. “I didn’t realize no cursing was part of the terms of my release.” 

Lan Zhan apparently wasn’t going to let Wei Ying pick a fight this morning. He just stared at Wei Ying for a moment, then took a breath and looked away without responding. 

Wei Ying suddenly changed his mind on eating. He turned and left the room again, going out onto the balcony because it was the closest thing he could get to not feeling like a caged animal right now. He practically slammed the sliding door closed on his way out. 

He walked the length of the balcony and then stared out into Manhattan. It was suffocating to see the whole city out in front of him and know he couldn’t leave his apartment. He hated the ankle monitor he was wearing. Possibly the only thing he hated more was Xue Yang. Because even though Wei Ying hadn’t figured out the rest of the puzzle, he knew for sure that Xue Yang was involved in all of this. 

He fantasized about what he would do to Xue Yang if he saw him again. After all, if Wei Ying had to go down for murder, he might as well commit one first. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan suddenly said from behind him. “Are you okay?”

It hadn’t taken very long at all for Lan Zhan to follow him out on the balcony. Wei Ying couldn’t help but think that he was still in jail with this level of constant supervision. Still, Wei Ying reluctantly turned around to face Lan Zhan. 

“No, Lan Zhan, I am not okay,” Wei Ying said angrily. It was a stupid question, after all. “I’m being forced to starve in this apartment while you get to take MY kid to his first day of school.” 

Lan Zhan tensed at the statement. 

“He does not have to go,” Lan Zhan offered. 

Wei Ying scoffed. “Sure, that would just make me father of the fucking year,” he muttered. “Taking away an opportunity from Yuan just because I’m waiting to see if I am going to prison for the rest of my life.” 

Lan Zhan seemed at a loss for what to say. Finally, Wei Ying sighed and decided to reign himself in a little bit. After all, none of this was Lan Zhan’s fault.

“He should go,” Wei Ying said, because he knew it was the only right answer. It didn’t make sense for Yuan to be stuck on house arrest too.

Besides, Wei Ying probably wasn’t in a good enough headspace to deal with him all day anyway. After all, just yesterday he had been on the verge of shooting up yin, and if he thought that was a low moment, life had only gone drastically downhill and off a cliff since then.

Lan Zhan seemed to be having the same thought, because he looked relieved and made no attempt to question the decision further. 

“I will buy you eggs,” Lan Zhan said, apparently deciding to divert to a less emotionally dangerous topic. “Is there anything else you need?”

“Xue Yang’s head,” Wei Ying answered.  

“They do not sell those at the store,” Lan Zhan answered, completely deadpan. 

Wei Ying smirked. Nothing was okay, but at least Lan Zhan was still Lan Zhan. He really didn’t want to miss Yuan’s first day of school. He wanted to at least get him ready and see him off. So he walked back into the apartment. 

Except Yuan didn’t have any of his belongings at Lan Zhan’s apartment. Wei Ying wasn’t sure why he assumed he would, other than that Lan Zhan had filed for custody so surely he would have picked up his things. 

Lan Zhan then told Wei Ying that the custody communications had occurred through the lawyer, since he was also not supposed to have any communication with Wen Qing right now. It could be seen as Wei Ying trying to violate the order through a third party. Which meant anything left at the apartment could not be retrieved. Then Lan Zhan told him it didn’t matter, because the school would be giving Yuan a uniform anyway. 

That didn’t change the fact that Wei Ying felt completely useless. He couldn’t even get Yuan dressed for his first day. He proceeded to go back to sulking alone.

Wei Ying expected Lan Zhan to be gone all day, but he returned home shortly after taking Yuan to school.

“Don’t you have work?” Wei Ying asked.

“Not today,” Lan Zhan responded. He didn’t give an explanation, but Wei Ying assumed he had taken the day off because he felt like Wei Ying needed to be babysat. 

Then Lan Zhan set a bag down on the kitchen counter and started pulling out groceries. He had eggs, as promised, as well as meat and processed snacks and a variety of other things that he would never have bought for himself on his organic vegan diet. There were kid friendly foods as well. Juice, milk, yogurt, chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, and of course, more fruit loops. 

Wei Ying watched him put it all away, but it didn’t really make him feel better. It just reminded him how stuck and useless he was. 

Then Lan Zhan reached into his pocket and handed Wei Ying a cell phone. It was not Wei Ying’s phone. His phone was still at Wen Qing’s place, unless the police had seized it as evidence already. 

They wouldn’t find anything on it related to a murder investigation. They wouldn’t even find anything related to the Tiger. When Wei Ying texted him, it was never a text directly to an actual phone. That would be reckless.

No, the Tiger had a new phone number every day. There was a code to knowing it that had to do with a combination of things. For example, on a Wednesday, you needed to know the weather forecast and the number of times a host said “Alright, Jim,” on a certain podcast that morning and when the last full moon was. On a Thursday the questions were completely different. There was also a formula you ran it through to ensure you never got a real person’s phone number. It was a complex system that Wei Ying was quite proud of, considering he had come up with it himself back in high school. 

The phone Lan Zhan gave him was a nice phone. Way nicer than the cheap junk phone he had before. He opened it up and clicked through some of the apps. When he clicked on the camera roll, he found a surprise. 

Lan Zhan had taken photos of Yuan. A photo of him smiling in his school uniform in front of the school. Another of him meeting his teacher. A third one where he was already hugging another student in his class, and the other child looked amusingly off-put by Yuan’s affection. 

Wei Ying just stared at the photos, lost in thought. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said softly. 

Wei Ying shook his head. He had no idea how to describe all the things he was feeling right now. He was too emotionally drained to even try. 

“I’m going to bed,” Wei Ying muttered. 

He didn’t wait for a response, he just turned and went into the guest room he used to stay in. The one Yuan had slept in last night. 

He knew the message he was sending. It wasn’t that he thought he wasn’t welcome in Lan Zhan’s bed. They had slept together right before he was arrested, and Lan Zhan had asked him to move back in. That definitely implied that Wei Ying could sleep in his bed. 

Except Wei Ying had been about to decline the offer to move back in when Lan Xichen showed up and arrested him. He was only here now on court order. He wasn’t sure what he wanted regarding his relationship with Lan Zhan. He understood why Lan Zhan had dated Jin Zixun, but he still wasn’t sure the trust could be rebuilt or that this relationship could ever work with how different their lives were. Especially since Lan Zhan now apparently believed Wen Ning was a murderer.

Lan Zhan didn’t follow him, and Wei Ying had been up all night so he did eventually end up falling asleep for a few hours. When he woke up, it must have been mid-afternoon, because Yuan was home from school. Wei Ying could hear him throwing another tantrum, and this time, Lan Zhan was apparently not having as much luck soothing it. 

Wei Ying felt completely exhausted, but he reluctantly dragged himself out of bed to see what the problem was. 

He walked out into the living room and saw Lan Zhan had apparently also made a shopping trip to buy Yuan more things, because he was desperately trying to offer Yuan a variety of toys. Yuan was throwing every single one back at him and screaming. 

“What is going on?” Wei Ying asked, walking over and sitting on the ground with Yuan. 

“I was just trying to put him down for a nap,” Lan Zhan explained helplessly.  

Wei Ying looked at Yuan, who was crying so hard he looked like he was going to choke on his own tears. He didn’t usually take structured naps, just ran around until he passed out on his own terms, but that wouldn’t explain this level of distress.

“Yuan, what’s wrong?” Wei Ying asked, wiping some tears off his cheek. 

“I want my blanket!” Yuan wailed. 

Wei Ying closed his eyes sadly. Yuan’s blanket was one of the only things that had come with him from his grandmother’s home. It had been his primary comfort object as he settled into his new home with the Wens and Wei Ying. He was very attached to it, especially when he was feeling scared or upset, and now it was at the apartment and they couldn’t access it. 

“We have blankets,” Lan Zhan told Yuan. “You shouldn’t be picky.”

Yuan threw himself backwards onto the floor and started to scream louder. 

“He’s not being picky,” Wei Ying snapped angrily. 

Lan Zhan had no fucking idea what it was like to be uprooted again and again, and to not have any control over anything. This blanket was the one thing that had always belonged to Yuan. The one thing that he had control over. Now he had lost that too. 

At Wei Ying’s harsh reaction, Lan Zhan seemed to at least realize he was stepping into something. He looked questioningly at Wei Ying, but Wei Ying turned away. He was more focused on trying to stop Yuan’s screaming.

“We can’t get your blanket right now,” Wei Ying tried to explain to Yuan. “But we will get it for you as soon as we can.” 

This, of course, did nothing to calm Yuan down. This wasn’t really about a blanket. This was about grief and trauma. Apparently the excitement from yesterday had worn off, and Yuan was now struggling to adjust to all of this sudden change. 

Wei Ying sighed. Even though he knew the trauma behind the behavior, Yuan was getting too old to be throwing these kinds of fits, and Wei Ying did not have it in him to do this today. He dug deep to find whatever semblance of composure he had left. 

“Hey, listen to me,” Wei Ying said, waiting for Yuan to stop screaming. When he did, Wei Ying continued. “If you stop crying, Lan Zhan will take you out for a big surprise this weekend.” 

Bribery was cheating and Wei Ying knew it, but he truly didn’t have the patience for anything else. Plus, it worked. Yuan immediately tried to make himself stop crying and nodded as he hiccuped. 

Wei Ying scooped him up into his lap and held him against his chest as Yuan sniffled. 

“I want my blanket,” Yuan repeated into his shirt. 

“I know,” Wei Ying soothed. “I’m sorry.” He tried his best to keep himself composed, but he clenched his jaw as he fought back his own tears. He knew this was his fault. It was because of him that Yuan was now being ripped away from yet another home. 

He could feel Lan Zhan watching him, but if he looked at Lan Zhan right now, he might actually break. So he just swallowed his own hurt down and then stood up, carrying Yuan to the kitchen and placing him on the counter while he poured him a cup of juice. Then he sat Yuan at the table with his juice and turned and went back to the room he had just come out of.

He closed the door and sank down on the edge of the bed, exhaling a heavy sigh. He didn’t have any space for the additional guilt that was now weighing on him. On top of everything else, he was failing Yuan.

Lan Zhan followed him into the room a moment later and closed the door again behind him. He handed Wei Ying a mug of tea, but Wei Ying didn’t really want it so he just set it down on the end table beside him. 

“It’s not fair to him,” Wei Ying said, his voice thick. “If we all go to prison. He’s going to lose everything for a third time.” 

“A third time?” Lan Zhan asked. He still didn’t know Yuan’s story. Wei Ying figured it was time to tell it. He had always believed it was Yuan’s story to tell, but if Lan Zhan was going to be living with Yuan, he needed to understand where these behaviors came from.

“His biological parents died,” Wei Ying explained. “When he was one. He went to live with his grandmother, but then she died a year and a half later. Wen Qing and Wen Ning were his only available relatives, but they were strangers to him and they never wanted kids. He was going to end up in the foster care system. So I took him.” He looked away, clenching his jaw. “I was supposed to protect him, instead I’ve only made his life more unstable.” 

Lan Zhan processed that for a moment. Then he reached out and put a hand on Wei Ying’s wrist. 

“He is stable here,” Lan Zhan reassured. 

That almost sounded like Lan Zhan was saying that he would take Yuan in permanently, if needed. Wei Ying couldn’t bring himself to ask. It also didn’t make Wei Ying feel like any less of a failure. 

When Wei Ying didn’t respond, Lan Zhan gently squeezed his hand and then got up and left the room.

Eventually, Wei Ying ended up falling asleep again, though it was fitful and only lasted a couple more hours. At least there was no screaming the next time he woke up. Still, everything felt heavy. Wei Ying had no desire to get out of bed at all, but he was already failing his kid in so many ways, he should at least try to be somewhat of a parent and feed him dinner. So he exhaled a long sigh and then rolled out of bed. 

This time, he found Yuan sitting on the couch watching cartoons, and somehow, he was wrapped in his blanket. Wei Ying didn’t even want to know how Lan Zhan had made that happen. Meanwhile, Lan Zhan was in the kitchen slicing some vegetables on a cutting board. 

“Look!” Yuan said brightly when he spotted Wei Ying. “Daddy got me my blanket.” 

Wei Ying froze. 

“What did you just say?” Wei Ying asked. 

“Daddy got me my blanket!” Yuan repeated.

Wei Ying glanced at Lan Zhan, who met Wei Ying’s gaze, and did not seem as surprised by this new development as Wei Ying did. Wei Ying turned back to Yuan.

“I’m your dad,” Wei Ying corrected, doing his best to stay calm despite how unbelievably hurt he felt at the moment.

“School says that some people have two dads!” Yuan explained. “Like the penguins!”

“Your teacher says,” Lan Zhan corrected, seemingly unable to let that go even in the midst of this other conversation. “School is a place. It doesn’t talk.” 

Wei Ying turned back around and glared at Lan Zhan. He could not believe that was all Lan Zhan had to say about this. 

Then it hit him even further. Lan Zhan had taken Yuan for his first day of school and then somehow got Yuan his blanket, all while Wei Ying could do none of that due to being on house arrest. The one thing he could do, and had come out to do, was make Yuan dinner. But Lan Zhan was currently doing that too, all while giving Yuan a grammar lesson. He was apparently father of the fucking year. 

Wei Ying clenched his fist and turned around to go back to his room. 

“Wei Ying, wait,” Lan Zhan called after him, suddenly sounding concerned as if he’d just realized Wei Ying was upset. 

Wei Ying ignored it. He was not about to do this. Not in front of Yuan. 

He just went back into the guest room and closed the door firmly behind him. Then he went into the bathroom and closed that door too. 

Wen Ning was sitting in jail right now and Wen Qing could lose everything she’d worked for by facing these charges. Jin Zixuan was dead, and Yanli was going to have to raise a baby all by herself. All of this was Wei Ying’s fault. All of it. Everywhere he went, he ruined people’s lives. He knew that, but now he had even been replaced in his own kid’s eyes. 

Wei Ying could not deal with this. He opened the medicine cabinet, looking for anything to drown all of this out. 

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting to find, but it was completely empty. After staring at it for a minute, he shut it. He had not meant to do it so hard, but apparently it was fragile because the mirror on it suddenly shattered and glass fell all over the bathroom counter. He just stared at it, not really comprehending what had just happened. 

It must have been loud, though, because it didn’t take long before Lan Zhan was knocking on the bathroom door. 

“Wei Ying, open the door,” Lan Zhan instructed. 

Wei Ying ignored him, but it didn’t matter, because he hadn’t locked it. Which meant that a few seconds later, when Lan Zhan tried the doorknob, it opened easily. 

Lan Zhan glanced at the scene in front of him.

“Wei Ying!” he hissed. 

At first, Wei Ying thought he was upset about the shattered mirror. But then Lan Zhan was rushing forward to grab Wei Ying’s hand, and he realized he was bleeding. A lot. A shard of the mirror must have cut his palm. He hadn’t even felt it. 

Lan Zhan examined his bleeding hand for a moment. Then he grabbed a hand towel off the hook by the sink and wrapped it tightly around the wound. That, Wei Ying felt. He hissed at the sudden burning pain.

“It’s deep,” Lan Zhan said. “You need stitches.” 

Wei Ying wasn’t sure when Lan Zhan had apparently had the time to go to medical school. He was about to tell Lan Zhan it was fine, but then he had a thought. 

Stitches meant pain medication. He clamped his mouth shut and said nothing at all. 

Soon, Lan Zhan was loading both him and Yuan into the car, because they obviously couldn’t leave Yuan home alone, and was driving them to the hospital. The drive was silent. Yuan had fallen asleep in the back seat and Wei Ying’s thoughts were completely elsewhere. 

They had different reasons for the urgency of this hospital trip. They both had forgotten one key detail, though. 

They were in the hospital waiting room for all of a minute. They had barely checked in and sat down before two uniformed police officers came in and approached them.

“Mr. Wei,” one of them said. “You are not authorized to leave your residence.” 

“It was an emergency,” Lan Zhan spoke before Wei Ying could answer.

The officer looked at Lan Zhan, and clearly knew who he was, because he addressed Lan Zhan with far more respect than he had Wei Ying.

“He needs to call and get permission to leave the house for medical care,” the officer explained. 

“Daddy, why are the cops after us?” Yuan suddenly asked. He had still been asleep as Lan Zhan carried him into the waiting room, but now he was awake and tugging on Lan Zhan’s shirt.

Neither Lan Zhan nor Wei Ying answered him. Lan Zhan was busy and Wei Ying still couldn’t get over Yuan calling Lan Zhan that.

“It was an emergency,” Lan Zhan repeated darkly to the officer. 

The officer glanced at Yuan for a moment, and then sighed. 

“Give me a moment,” he said, leaving his partner beside them and walking several feet away and pulling out his phone to make a call. 

A few moments later, the officer returned. 

“You’ve received approval to be here,” the officer said to Wei Ying. “Just make sure you go straight home after this.” 

Wei Ying didn’t respond. He was barely focused on the conversation at all, to be honest. Still, the officers turned and left, apparently trusting Lan Zhan enough to not need Wei Ying’s verbal acknowledgement. 

The silence was clearly throwing Lan Zhan off at this point, though, because he glanced at Wei Ying and then finally decided to try to start a conversation.

“Is Yuan learning Chinese?” Lan Zhan asked. 

Wei Ying had been forced to study Chinese when he was a child and all the way through high school. It was something all of the wealthy Chinese families in the city taught their kids. But Wei Ying was not part of that world anymore, and he had never bothered to teach Yuan. Maybe it was just another way in which he was failing as a parent. He had just figured that Yuan had enough to deal with in his first few years of life, there was no need to also throw a whole new language at him. 

Wei Ying shook his head. 

It turned out, the question served a purpose. Lan Zhan was not just asking to make conversation or to shame Wei Ying’s parenting choices, because the next time Lan Zhan spoke, he had switched into Chinese himself. 

“I never asked him to call me that,” Lan Zhan explained. “When I dropped him off at school this morning, another child referred to me as Yuan’s dad. Yuan corrected him and said his dad was at home. I don’t know where the conversation went after I left, but apparently at some point there was a misunderstanding because the teacher explained to the kids that sometimes people have two dads. I need you to know that I did not tell anyone anything about us.” 

Lan Zhan had completely misread Wei Ying’s reaction to the situation. He was assuming Wei Ying was angry at him for talking about their relationship. The idea of Lan Zhan outing him was honestly not something that had ever crossed Wei Ying’s mind, and was so far from the point. 

When Wei Ying didn’t say anything in response, Lan Zhan continued.

“He was talking about it on the drive home. I was going to ask how you wanted to handle it,” Lan Zhan explained, “but then the blanket thing happened and I figured it could wait.” Lan Zhan paused, then nervously asked, “How do you want to handle it?”

It was clear that was a loaded question. He was asking about their relationship. Where they stood, what to tell Yuan, whether or not he could someday be permitted to take up that role for Yuan. All of those issues seemed to be hidden in this conversation.

It was a conversation Wei Ying could not handle right now. 

“I don’t speak Chinese,” Wei Ying answered instead.

It was an obvious lie. Lan Zhan had once watched Lan Qiren ruthlessly test Wei Ying’s Chinese when he got in trouble at school and Wei Ying had easily held his own. Lan Zhan knew he could speak it extremely well. Still, Lan Zhan at least got the hint that Wei Ying was not going to talk. They fell back into a tense silence. 

Eventually a nurse called Wei Ying’s name. Lan Zhan started to get up, but Wei Ying stopped him. 

“I don’t want Yuan to have to see me getting stitches,” he said. 

It wasn’t really the truth. The truth was he didn’t want Lan Zhan coming back with him, because Lan Zhan would stop him from getting pain pills, which he desperately wanted right now. But Lan Zhan seemed to accept it as a plausible explanation, or at least didn’t challenge it. He just nodded and remained seated, with Yuan in his lap. 

Wei Ying followed the nurse back. 

He hadn’t really been thinking any of this through, he was just done and desperate for pills, but he did finally start to realize what he was doing once he was getting discharged with a bottle of oxycodone. The feel of the actual pill bottle in his hand made it real, and made him hesitate. He was on house arrest, and his lawyer had warned him he would be subject to random drug tests. Meanwhile, Yuan already barely escaped CPS taking custody of him when he was arrested. What the hell was Wei Ying doing? 

Sighing, Wei Ying shoved the bottle in his pocket instead of swallowing one (or a few) like he had been so eager to do, and headed back out to the waiting room. 

What he found made him stop in his tracks. 

Lan Zhan and Yuan had moved over to a children’s area and Lan Zhan was sitting on the ground with Yuan, building a train track on a small table. That was all fine, and would possibly even be heartwarming if it didn’t also leave a bitter feeling due to the current situation. But what made Wei Ying pause was the person sitting across from Lan Zhan and Yuan. 

Lan Xichen.

Wei Ying wasn’t sure what to do. Ultimately, he decided that he was here first and surely Lan Xichen would have known that if he specifically came here looking for Lan Zhan. So even though he was not supposed to talk to or be within 100 feet of him, Wei Ying approached.

It was clearly a tense situation he was interrupting. Lan Xichen looked like he had been trying to say something serious, but Lan Zhan had an expression on his face similar to the one he often had given Wei Ying in high school. In other words, Lan Zhan was very pointedly pretending Xichen didn’t exist and was very focused on Yuan’s train tracks. 

Great. If Lan Zhan was ignoring him and Wei Ying wasn’t allowed to talk to him, they could both just pretend he wasn’t there at all. 

Yuan noticed Wei Ying first and jumped up at the sight of him. 

“Dad!” he said excitedly. 

“Don’t run,” Lan Zhan reminded him, and Yuan walked the few steps to meet Wei Ying instead. 

“Dad, come see the train Daddy made!” Yuan exclaimed, grabbing Wei Ying to pull him the last few feet over to the table. 

At some point, Wei Ying did need to actually figure out how to deal with Yuan’s new label for Lan Zhan, but for now he just resigned himself to letting Yuan do it. In a hospital waiting room and in front of Lan Xichen was not the time. 

Though, under these specific circumstances, Wei Ying couldn’t help but feel a bit smug. Wei Ying knew about Lan Xichen’s intense disapproval of him and Lan Zhan being together. He didn’t necessarily mind leaving the impression that they were a happy little family. 

Lan Zhan seemed to be having the same thought, because he was quick to pull Yuan back into his lap. 

“Be careful with your dad’s hand,” Lan Zhan instructed, tickling Yuan and causing Yuan to giggle. 

Yeah, Lan Zhan was definitely putting on a bit of a show. Still, it felt nice to pretend for a moment that this was how things could be. That there were no murder charges, no drug addiction, no conspiracies or people out to get him. Just Yuan and his two dads, living a normal life.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Xichen greeted him with a polite nod. 

Wei Ying didn’t acknowledge him back. He was going to take Lan Zhan’s lead on this one, and he also actually very much enjoyed having a court order that said he wasn’t allowed to interact with police officers. 

“Can we go?” Wei Ying asked Lan Zhan. 

Lan Zhan nodded and stood up, picking up Yuan.

“Lan Zhan, please,” Lan Xichen spoke, standing up too and sounding distressed. 

The plea actually made Wei Ying feel kind of bad, but Lan Zhan continued to ignore him. He just turned and led Wei Ying to the front desk, where he paid Wei Ying’s medical bill, and then out the front door and back to the car. 

The car ride was again silent on the way back to Lan Zhan’s apartment. Neither of them acknowledged what had just happened with Lan Xichen, and things went right back to the heavy tension from before. 

The whole mirror incident had interrupted dinner, so Yuan still needed to eat, but now it was hours later and Lan Zhan didn’t resume his cooking. He seemed to just be watching Wei Ying, waiting to see if Wei Ying was going to say anything. 

So Wei Ying tossed some of the frozen chicken nuggets Lan Zhan had bought into the microwave, and then sat Yuan down at the table with them. Then he turned on some cartoons for Yuan to watch as he ate. It was all he had the mental capacity to do. 

Then he turned and went back into the guest room. The bottle of pills felt heavy in his pocket. 

Lan Zhan followed him. 

“Can we talk?” Lan Zhan asked tentatively. 

Wei Ying knew they needed to. They’d never even finished their conversation at Wei Ying’s apartment about where they stood in their relationship, and then so much had happened in such a short period of time. They needed to discuss all of it. He just wasn’t sure he could. He turned to look at Lan Zhan anyway. 

“I know that you felt like moving back in here might be moving too fast,” Lan Zhan said, “but under the circumstances, I didn’t know what else to do.” 

Wei Ying grimaced. It was clear that Lan Zhan had no idea where Wei Ying’s head was really at right now. He just thought this was a continuation of their previous relationship issues.

“I understand that I may have overstepped,” Lan Zhan continued, “in seeking custody of Yuan and having you released to my apartment. But I -”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying suddenly snapped.

Lan Zhan paused for a moment at the interruption, but then kept going. “I want you both here. I do understand that is not my decision to make. If you wish to go somewhere else, or for Yuan to go somewhere else -” 

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying hissed. 

This time, Lan Zhan did stop. He focused on Wei Ying. Wei Ying closed his eyes for a moment, then looked at him again. 

“Did you know that at Yanli’s wedding, your brother told me I was your only mistake?” Wei Ying asked. 

“He is wrong,” Lan Zhan immediately answered. 

“No,” Wei Ying sighed. “He’s not.”  

Wei Ying hesitated for another second, but then reached into his pocket and pulled the bottle of pain pills out and held them out to Lan Zhan. 

Lan Zhan hesitated slightly as he took them and looked at them, then looked back up at Wei Ying. 

“It took me one day to trick you into letting me go get drugs. You even paid for them. If you are going to be responsible for Yuan, you have got to do better than that,” Wei Ying accused.

Lan Zhan frowned and put the bottle in his own pocket. 

“What point are you trying to prove?” Lan Zhan asked, suddenly sounding confused and hurt.

Wei Ying scoffed. What the hell kind of question was that? 

“I’m not trying to prove a point, I’m trying to get high!” Wei Ying’s voice cracked at the end of his sentence, and he had to take a moment to compose himself. He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I know you want answers from me, but I need you to understand that I truly cannot give you any right now. I am barely hanging on, Lan Zhan.”

Lan Zhan fell silent for a moment. Then he took a few steps to close the distance and pulled Wei Ying into a hug, which Wei Ying automatically sank into. 

“I’m sorry,” Lan Zhan murmured into Wei Ying’s hair.

For the first time since all of this had transpired, Wei Ying allowed himself to cry. He buried his face in Lan Zhan’s shoulder and he broke. 

Lan Zhan just held him tighter.

Chapter Text

The next few days were a bit smoother as everyone settled into a rhythm. 

To be clear, Wei Ying still was not doing well at all. He felt like he had a constant pit in his stomach. He could barely sleep or eat. He had no idea what was going to happen to him or the Wens and he felt helpless. But at least he wasn’t shattering mirrors and seeking drugs. That had to count for something. 

He got to leave the apartment once. He was called to do a drug test the day after his hospital trip. He suddenly felt immensely grateful that he had managed to avoid making the stupid decision he had been trying to make, because he was able to take the drug test with full confidence that it would be clean. 

Lan Zhan went back to work and Yuan had school now, so Wei Ying spent most of his time alone and spent even more time hiding in his room when everyone was home. 

Their relationship status was undefined and on hold. Which was helpful, because there was enough to deal with without trying to figure that out.

Lan Zhan didn’t actually say much to him at all lately. Wei Ying was constantly on edge, and Lan Zhan seemed to realize that the best way to avoid accidentally setting him off was to just keep Yuan out of the way and give Wei Ying space.

Wei Ying was still sleeping in the guest room, and Lan Zhan had converted the office into a room for Yuan. Yuan had been over the moon about that, since he’d never had his own room before. 

Wei Ying had never officially decided what to do about Yuan calling Lan Zhan his dad, but by not deciding, the default ended up being that Yuan just kept doing it. Wei Ying figured he had bigger things to worry about at the moment.

Unlike Wei Ying, Yuan had been doing extremely well these past few days. Maybe it was the structure of going to school every day, but Wei Ying had never seen him this relaxed before. There were tears here and there, but they avoided any more major tantrums after the blanket incident. His night terrors had stopped too. He was listening a lot better and following directions the first time he was asked. It was baffling.

It wasn’t until Saturday rolled around that Wei Ying figured out what was driving at least some of this behavior change. At breakfast on Saturday morning, Yuan suddenly asked Lan Zhan about his surprise. He apparently had not forgotten about the bribe Wei Ying had made. 

Wei Ying had technically never asked Lan Zhan if it was okay before making that promise. He was tempted to tell Yuan that his room had been the surprise and he had gotten it early. But before he could, Lan Zhan was already nodding. 

“Mn. We will go get your surprise,” Lan Zhan agreed. 

Wei Ying assumed that Lan Zhan was just going to placate him with a new toy or ice cream or something. What he was not expecting at all was for them to come back with a live pet rabbit named Apple. 

Wei Ying wanted to tell Lan Zhan that it was too drastic to get Yuan a pet, but Lan Zhan seemed just as excited about it as Yuan did. After all, he’d always loved bunnies. Wei Ying still remembered the one he found under Lan Zhan’s bed in high school. So who was Wei Ying to tell Lan Zhan what to do in his own home? If he wanted a pet rabbit, that was his decision to make. Wei Ying just shook his head and watched the ridiculous thing hop around like it owned the place, then retreated to his room again.

With everything going on, Wei Ying had not been sleeping well at all. So he ended up still being wide awake at 6am on Sunday morning. He heard giggling, so he wandered out of his room to see why Yuan was up so early. He found Lan Zhan and Yuan doing yoga in the living room. The source of the laughter was unclear, but appeared to have something to do with Apple, who was flopped over between them. 

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying scolded. “What is this?” 

Lan Zhan sat up.

“What is what?” he asked hesitantly, seeming to already pick up on Wei Ying’s extra-hostile mood.

“You’re forcing Yuan to wake up this early on the weekend?” Wei Ying asked. “To exercise?” Lan Zhan had been raised in a very strict home. Wei Ying did not want Yuan to be raised the same way. 

“It is not exercise, it is yoga,” Lan Zhan answered, as if that made any sense or made it any better. 

“It’s 6am,” Wei Ying retorted. “On a weekend.” 

Lan Zhan looked at Yuan, then back at Wei Ying. 

“I did not force him,” Lan Zhan answered, sounding genuinely confused. “Yuan asks to do yoga with me every morning. He enjoys it.” 

Wei Ying glanced at Yuan too. To be fair, he did not appear to be in any distress. He was stretched forward over his mat with his arms out, wiggling his fingers at the bunny.  

Wei Ying had not slept at all last night and it was too early to deal with this. He knew he was really irritable today, so he chose to walk away before he started a fight. Or at least, he tried to just walk away.

As he did, the rabbit hopped towards his heels, which were currently bare. Wei Ying tried to move away faster, but the rabbit seemed to chase him. 

“If you bite me, I’ll turn you into my breakfast,” he snapped at it.

At the comment, Yuan suddenly started to cry. 

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan scolded.

Wei Ying rolled his eyes. 

“It was a joke, Yuan,” Wei Ying tried to explain. 

“You can’t eat a bunny!” Yuan whined.

Wei Ying sighed. “I just said that because his name is Apple, and that’s a type of food…” he tried.

His explanation did nothing to fix what he had done. Yuan was still crying, and Lan Zhan was giving him a very disapproving stare. 

Wei Ying did not have it in him today. He just threw his hands up and went back to his room before he made things any worse. Lan Zhan could deal with Yuan. He was clearly better at it anyway.

Wei Ying got back into bed and didn’t leave it for the rest of the day. He just laid there and stared at the wall. 

He knew it was an overreaction to the situation. Yuan was a child. He didn’t always understand things like sarcasm. Kids cry for stupid reasons sometimes, there was no reason to be beating himself up over it. But that didn’t stop him from hating himself. 

It wasn’t about Yuan’s reaction to his comment. It was the fact that Wei Ying knew his failures as a father were so much deeper. He was facing life in prison. If that happened, he would be abandoning Yuan forever. If Yuan was already disappointed in him for joking about eating a rabbit, he would really think he was a bad person if he had to grow up questioning if he was a murderer.

Wei Ying didn’t leave his room again until late, after Lan Zhan and Yuan would be in bed. Then he quietly walked to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and stared. 

He wasn’t hungry, but he was never hungry these days. He knew he should eat something anyway. He couldn’t complain that there was no food because Lan Zhan had fully stocked the kitchen with foods he would normally like. He just didn’t want any of it. 

He closed the refrigerator again, empty handed. Then he went out onto the balcony to get some air. Coming out here was always equal parts relieving and suffocating. One the one hand, it was the only outdoor time he got since he couldn’t leave the apartment. He could at least listen to the sounds of the city and feel a breeze on his face. On the other hand, it was a balcony. It was still just a cage, and it reminded him of just how caged he really was. 

Tonight, he looked over the railing at the street below and watched the people who weren’t caged walking around, simply enjoying their lives. 

He would be lying to himself if he said that the thought didn’t cross his mind often. That maybe he could just jump and then he wouldn’t have to deal with any of this anymore. It was something he thought about every single time he came out here.

Usually, he could just ignore the tug in his brain. But it’d been getting a little stronger every day, and tonight, he really wanted to do it.

The thoughts were not new, but the intensity of them this time scared him enough that he backed away from the railing and went back inside. Then he made his way to Lan Zhan’s room and opened the door. 

Lan Zhan was asleep, but Wei Ying went in anyway. He quietly and gently climbed into the other side of the bed. 

“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan asked from behind him. Apparently Wei Ying had not been subtle enough to avoid waking him up.

It had felt like a good idea to come in here, but now he regretted it. He had just felt so alone. But he didn’t necessarily want to talk either. He reluctantly rolled over anyway, because he had made this decision so now he needed to face it. 

Lan Zhan was lying directly across from him. It was dark, and he could barely make out Lan Zhan’s shape, which was good because that meant Lan Zhan probably also could not get a good look at Wei Ying. 

“Hi,” Wei Ying said, trying to sound normal.

“Hi...” Lan Zhan said questioningly. 

Wei Ying didn’t say anything else. Eventually, he felt Lan Zhan reach out and fumble around in the dark for a moment, before finding and hesitantly taking Wei Ying’s hand. Wei Ying could tell by the way he did it that Lan Zhan was reading this wrong and getting his hopes up that it meant something else. He clearly thought it was a statement about where Wei Ying stood on their relationship. 

Still, Wei Ying didn’t pull away. He was weak. He just squeezed Lan Zhan’s hand in response. 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Wei Ying apologized quietly, because he really didn’t want to send the wrong message. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan whispered, moving in a bit closer. “You are not hurting me.” 

Wei Ying wasn’t sure he believed that, but he nodded anyway. 

Then, it got worse. Lan Zhan seemed to interpret him completely wrong, because without any warning, Lan Zhan leaned in closer and kissed him. 

What the fuck. That was not why he had come in here at all. 

Yet, he found himself kissing Lan Zhan back anyway, just on instinct and because it was really hard not to when he was so emotionally weak as it was. He craved Lan Zhan. It took him a moment to stop himself and pull back, and by then, Lan Zhan was definitely getting the wrong idea. 

“Lan Zhan, wait,” Wei Ying muttered, his voice shaking slightly. 

Lan Zhan did stop, thankfully. Wei Ying could only see the outline of him in the dark, but he knew that Lan Zhan was looking at him and waiting for him to say something.

Wei Ying didn’t know how to start to untangle this mess he had just created. He just let out a deep exhale.

Lan Zhan started to sit up, but Wei Ying pulled him back down. He was pretty sure Lan Zhan was wanting to turn on the light, and Wei Ying would much rather stay in the dark. He would feel too exposed if Lan Zhan could really look at him.

Lan Zhan seemed to take the hint because he settled back down into the bed, facing Wei Ying again. 

“Can I just sleep here tonight?” Wei Ying asked hesitantly. 

A momentary silence fell between them.

“Of course,” Lan Zhan eventually answered. 

They fell silent after that, and it didn’t make Wei Ying feel any better. There seemed to be an unspoken tension in the room. Now this was just another thing they would have to discuss later. Wei Ying felt awful about it. Despite Lan Zhan initially saying it wasn’t, Wei Ying felt like this was hurting Lan Zhan and creating even more confusion between them. 

He just wanted the comfort of Lan Zhan without the pressure of a relationship right now. But maybe that was an unfair ask.

It took Wei Ying hours to actually fall asleep and from what he could tell, it didn’t seem like Lan Zhan fell back asleep right away either. Once Wei Ying did finally fall asleep, he woke up only a couple hours later from the sensation of something brushing over his legs. He opened his eyes. There was more light in the room now due to the sun starting to rise, and because of that, he could clearly see Yuan crawling into the bed between them. 

“Daddy, we yoga?” Yuan asked Lan Zhan.

Lan Zhan reluctantly opened his eyes. Apparently Wei Ying’s interruption last night had also disrupted his sleep enough that he was not as excited about yoga this morning as Yuan seemed to be. 

“Sleep is better than yoga,” Wei Ying murmured, feeling completely exhausted. He reached out and pulled Yuan towards him, wondering if maybe he could win everyone a little more rest. But Yuan squirmed in his arms.  

“Dad, let go!” he whined. 

“Hmm. But I want to cuddle,” Wei Ying teased, pulling him in tighter. 

Yuan whined again. Then he licked Wei Ying’s arm. 

“Ah, gross,” Wei Ying muttered, retaliating with a tickle. Yuan squealed.

It did the opposite of what Wei Ying originally intended, because Lan Zhan was very awake now and looked slightly disgruntled at the chaos happening in his bed. He just sat up and stared at Yuan and Wei Ying until they both settled down.

“Wei Ying, do you want to join us for yoga?” Lan Zhan asked slowly.

Wei Ying had no desire to do yoga at this awful hour of the morning, or ever, and he had full intentions of simply declining and rolling over to go back to sleep. But before he could even respond to the invitation, Yuan answered. 

“No!” Yuan shrieked, moving towards Lan Zhan and clinging onto him. “Daddy! He’ll eat Apple!” 

It immediately killed the playful mood. Wei Ying didn’t say anything, but he was brought right back to where he had been yesterday, filled with dread about how much he was disappointing Yuan. 

Yuan was oblivious to what he had just done, but Lan Zhan clearly noticed the way Wei Ying suddenly tensed, because he watched Wei Ying carefully for a moment before saying anything. 

“Yuan, go get the yoga mats ready,” Lan Zhan instructed. “Don’t run.” 

Yuan nodded and climbed back out of the bed and walked out of the room. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said as soon as he was out of earshot. “We can speak with him about calling me something else.” 

Wei Ying just rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, because Lan Zhan had no idea. It felt like they were on entirely different pages lately. 

Did you know I almost jumped off the balcony last night? Wei Ying thought the words, but didn’t say them out loud.

“Does it bother you?” Wei Ying asked instead, eventually choosing to engage in the distraction rather than let Lan Zhan in on where his head was truly at. “When he calls you that?”

Lan Zhan seemed to think that was a loaded question, which Wei Ying had not meant for it to be. Still, Lan Zhan took a breath and seemed to consider his response very carefully.

“No, it does not bother me,” he said slowly. 

“Because it bothered me when he first started calling me dad,” Wei Ying admitted. “None of us really knew what the plan was going to be for him at first and I never considered that would be my role until later. His social worker at the time explained to me that kids his age don’t really know the weight of words like that. It’s not until they get a little older that they understand the emotional significance.” 

Wei Ying paused, then added, “I had lots of moms and dads growing up in foster care. I get why he is doing it. He’s just making sense of his living situation right now. When he gets older he’ll be able to better decide what role everyone plays in his life.” 

Wei Ying could practically see the burning follow-up question in Lan Zhan’s eyes, which was to ask what role Wei Ying wanted Lan Zhan to play in Yuan’s life. But Lan Zhan didn’t ask it, and Wei Ying wouldn’t have known the answer if he had.

“But you’re the one that got him addicted to yoga, so that’s your problem,” Wei Ying deflected, before Lan Zhan would have the opportunity to pry any further into his head. “It’s too early for this shit.” 

Lan Zhan kept staring at him, as if he was waiting for something else. Maybe he wanted to talk about last night. Wei Ying didn’t say anything, though, and Lan Zhan ultimately conceded and got out of bed to join Yuan in the living room. 

As soon as Lan Zhan left the room, Wei Ying closed his eyes. He hadn’t slept at all the night before and only a couple of hours last night in Lan Zhan’s bed. He really hadn’t gotten any quality sleep since being arrested. He was running on fumes.  He was exhausted, but suddenly wide awake again, and he really wished he had something to just put him back to sleep. 

Instead, he just laid there, feeling even worse than he had last night. Once Yuan and Lan Zhan finished their yoga, he could hear Lan Zhan making breakfast and then coming back into the room to shower and get ready for the day. 

Listening to him get ready to leave only made the pit in Wei Ying’s stomach grow. He knew Lan Zhan was about to take Yuan to school and go to work for the day, but Wei Ying really didn’t want to spend the day alone. He also did not want to admit this and then spend the day talking to Lan Zhan about how he was feeling. He was not sure how to reconcile these two dreads.

Eventually, just before Lan Zhan was about to leave the bedroom, the fear of being alone all day won. He sat up in bed.

“Hey, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said meekly, causing Lan Zhan to pause and turn around. “Do you think after you drop Yuan off, you could take today off from work?” 

Lan Zhan just stared at him blankly for a moment. 

“I did not arrange for a substitute,” Lan Zhan answered. 

“Can you get one?” Wei Ying insisted. 

“It is exams,” Lan Zhan answered, which wasn’t really an answer but sounded like a no. 

Wei Ying raised his eyebrows and stared at him. He could not believe Lan Zhan was being this difficult. 

He wouldn’t be asking for this, except he literally had nobody else to call. Wen Ning was in jail. He wasn’t allowed to talk to Wen Qing. He wasn’t allowed to talk to Yanli, and she wouldn’t want to talk to him anyway. That left Lan Zhan or… Jiang Cheng. And Wei Ying was pretty sure that Jiang Cheng hated him even more than Yanli probably did right now, and even if by some miracle he didn’t, calling Jiang Cheng might just be the final straw that drove him over that balcony. 

Lan Zhan blinked at him. “Why?” he finally asked.

Wei Ying shrugged. “I just don’t want to be alone today,” he muttered. 

“Try making friends with Apple,” Lan Zhan suggested. 

It was at this point that Wei Ying realized it. Lan Zhan wasn’t just completely missing what Wei Ying was trying to say, he was also being a jerk. Wei Ying had kept him up last night and had sent mixed messages that caused even more friction between them, and now Lan Zhan was annoyed.

Wei Ying swallowed and looked away. He felt like something inside of him was slowly cracking open, but he had no idea how to stop it. 

Lan Zhan did at least seem to realize he was being too harsh, because he relented slightly. 

“I can come home early this afternoon,” Lan Zhan tried. “I only teach until one.” 

It wasn’t enough, but Wei Ying didn’t know how to ask for what he needed. He just nodded. 

After another moment, Lan Zhan sighed. Then he turned and left. Wei Ying heard him say something to Yuan, then heard the front door close. 

Wei Ying was losing his mind. He immediately got out of bed and went back to his own room, where the phone Lan Zhan had bought him was sitting on the nightstand. He closed his eyes for a moment, then picked it up and desperately called Yanli. 

Breaking the restraining order could lead to him going back to jail. The lawyer had warned him of that. But at this point, maybe Wei Ying didn’t care.

Unfortunately, Jiang Cheng answered. 

“Hello?” Jiang Cheng asked, and Wei Ying suddenly realized that Yanli’s phone would not recognize this new number. Jiang Cheng must just be around her while she was grieving, and maybe even screening all of her calls. 

Wei Ying immediately hung up, rather than dealing with that at all. He wanted to call Wen Qing, but even though he was willing to break his own restraining orders and risk going to jail, he was not willing to get her in any more trouble. So instead, he did something truly stupid. 

He called Lan Xichen.

He didn’t have Lan Xichen’s number memorized or saved in this phone, so he actually called the police department and asked for Lan Xichen. Surprisingly, they transferred him through without anyone asking him who he was. 

“Detective Xichen,” Lan Xichen answered after just a couple rings. 

“If you’re going to issue a warrant for this phone call, do me a favor and tell me now so I can at least have a five minute head start,” Wei Ying said. 

“Wei Ying?” Xichen asked. 

“Yeah. I’m just wondering, why did you arrest me?” Wei Ying asked.

There was a slight pause on the phone. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question,” Lan Xichen eventually responded. “Are you asking me what you’re charged with?”

“No, I mean you’re a narcotics detective. This is a murder charge,” Wei Ying explained. “Why were you the one that arrested me?”

“I can't talk to you about your case,” Xichen replied. 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes. “You can’t talk to me at all, actually. But that didn’t stop you from entrapment at the hospital the other day.” 

“I was not trying to entrap you,” Lan Xichen replied. “I had received notice you were in the hospital, but no other information. I was simply trying to check on my brother. And apparently… my nephew?”

Wei Ying ignored that comment. He was not at all willing to go there.

“Wei Ying, we are not really supposed to be talking. Was there something urgent?” Lan Xichen asked carefully.

There wasn’t. Wei Ying was just angry and looking to pick a fight. Because if he didn’t keep himself occupied somehow, he was going to implode. 

“Yeah, you’re a fucking idiot. Lan Zhan is really going to need you soon,” Wei Ying accused, his voice suddenly wavering slightly. “But you’re just trying to drive as big of a wedge as you can between you and him.” 

Wei Ying could hear Lan Xichen take a measured breath. It was very similar to the slow breath Lan Zhan often took in difficult conversations. 

“Where did you go after you left your sister’s place?” Xichen eventually asked. 

Wei Ying tensed. He had not made this call just to let Xichen continue to interrogate him about the day of the murders. 

“I thought you couldn’t talk to me about my case,” Wei Ying retorted.

“Lan Zhan won’t tell me either,” Lan Xichen said, ignoring Wei Ying’s deflection. “He really seems to believe in you, which makes me think he knows something about it. But I begged him, at the hospital, to tell me if he knew anything that could help me clear your name. He wouldn’t say a single word to me or even acknowledge my existence. If neither of you are willing to trust me, I can’t help.” 

“You’re a cop,” Wei Ying answered. “Why would we trust you? Your job is to punish people, not to help them.” 

Lan Xichen sighed.

“I know I won’t be able to change your mind on that,” he answered, “so I won’t try. But I am also an older brother. It hurts me to watch this happen to Lan Zhan. I want to protect him.” 

Wei Ying scoffed. “Like you protected him from your homophobic uncle?” he challenged. “Or is it just me he needs to be protected from? Have you ever stopped to consider why Lan Zhan doesn’t trust you?” 

Lan Xichen didn’t answer that.

“Why did you call me?” he asked instead.

“To say I’m sorry,” Wei Ying answered sarcastically. “You know, for supposedly being his only mistake.”

Lan Xichen didn’t respond immediately. Wei Ying almost thought he had gotten tired of the verbal sparring and ended the call.

“I should not have said that to you,” Lan Xichen eventually replied. “It was unkind.” 

Wei Ying wasn’t expecting Lan Xichen to actually apologize. It caught him slightly off guard.

“It was true,” he pointed out.

Lan Xichen didn’t seem to know what to say to that, because he fell silent. Wei Ying interpreted that to mean that he still didn’t disagree, even if he regretted saying it out loud.

Wei Ying also just sat in silence for a moment, before finally realizing how stupid this phone call truly was. He must really be spiraling if he had thought calling Lan Xichen was a good idea. So, without another word, he ended the call. 

Then he tossed his phone on the bed and went back out to the balcony. 

It was probably not the smartest choice, given he knew where his thoughts went whenever he was out here. But he felt so fucking caged in this apartment. It had been days of just sitting around, alone, with his mind running in constant circles. He was restless and agitated and he didn’t know what the hell else he was supposed to do. 

He sat cross-legged on the floor and looked down through the balcony rails at the city below him. Sometimes, imagining himself jumping off was the only thing that stopped the relentless pounding of thoughts in his head. 

The problem was, sometimes it felt hard to remember the line between imagining it and actually doing it. Sometimes the urge was so strong. 

He closed his eyes. He listened to the sounds of the city. The traffic that almost sounded like a constant wind. The car horns. The indecipherable chatter of people. The occasional siren. 

There was a whole world out there that he was probably never going to get to be a part of again. He was headed to prison for the rest of his life. Even if he somehow managed to avoid that, he now had to live in a world where his sister thought he murdered her fiance. He wasn’t sure that was a world he wanted to live in. 

“Wei Ying.” 

Wei Ying opened his eyes to find Lan Zhan standing on the balcony, staring at him. He had lost track of time out here. Lan Zhan had said he was teaching until one. Had Wei Ying really been sitting out here all morning? 

“How was school?” Wei Ying asked, turning to look out at the city again.

Lan Zhan didn’t answer. Instead, he came to sit down next to Wei Ying, looking down at the city with him for a moment.

“My brother called me,” Lan Zhan eventually said. “Then I tried to call you, but you were not answering your phone.”

Wei Ying glanced at Lan Zhan, and could see the quiet frustration etched into his face as he stared out through the rails. Lan Zhan was not saying it, but he was upset. Wei Ying understood now that the school day was not over after all. Lan Zhan had simply come home after learning that Wei Ying was stirring up trouble.

Wei Ying looked down again and fixed his gaze on a person pushing a stroller down the sidewalk. 

“I left my phone inside,” he answered.

Another long silence fell between them. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Lan Zhan eventually turn his head to look at him, but Wei Ying did not meet his gaze.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan prompted. “Why did you call Xichen?”

Wei Ying shrugged. “I didn’t have anyone else to talk to,” he answered honestly.

“You could have talked to me,” he replied, sounding annoyed.

Wei Ying felt a bitterness rise up in him at that. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t tried. He had told Lan Zhan he didn’t want to be alone. He had practically begged him to stay this morning. Lan Zhan had ignored him. 

“Lan Zhan, I hate this,” Wei Ying confessed, still not looking at him. He blinked back the tears that started to well up in his eyes.  “I have to sit here alone every day just waiting to see if I’m going to go to prison for the rest of my life. I’m losing my fucking mind. I really needed you today. Your response was to tell me to make friends with a damn rabbit.” 

Lan Zhan was studying him. Wei Ying could feel it, even though he still wasn’t looking back at him.

“I should not have left,” Lan Zhan eventually acknowledged. “I should have known you would only ask me to stay if it was important.” 

The statement opened something painful in Wei Ying’s chest. Despite his best efforts, a couple of tears spilled down onto Wei Ying’s cheek. 

“You didn’t do it, so you will not go to prison,” Lan Zhan tried to reassure him.

He said it so confidently, like he actually believed it. Wei Ying wished he shared Lan Zhan’s naivety and faith in the legal system. He did not. 

“I can’t keep doing this,” he muttered. “I really can’t, Lan Zhan.”

Wei Ying wasn’t sure if Lan Zhan truly understood how deeply he meant that. After another moment of silence, Wei Ying finally looked back over at Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan appeared conflicted about something. 

“What?” Wei Ying asked. 

Lan Zhan hesitated. 

“The charges against you are going to be dropped,” Lan Zhan eventually said. 

He said it with a level of certainty that implied that he knew it as a fact. Wei Ying stared at him. Had he been sitting on something Wei Ying didn’t know? For how long? Why the fuck would he keep something like that to himself?

Lan Zhan seemed to read the confusion in his eyes, because he clarified. 

“Xichen found out while I was on the phone with him, which means I overheard. He asked me to wait to tell you until it was official, but it sounds like you need to know.” 

“Why?” Wei Ying finally asked, still not sure he was comprehending what Lan Zhan had said.

Lan Zhan just looked away. There was something else, and it was something he clearly did not want to say. 

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying pushed. 

Lan Zhan took a breath, then looked at Wei Ying again. 

“Wen Ning confessed,” he said quietly. 

Wei Ying’s heart felt like it suddenly stopped. That absolutely did not make him feel better at all. 

“No,” Wei Ying said, standing up. “No. Fuck.” 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said slowly, standing up too. “I know you don’t want to believe that he did it -”

“He didn’t do it!” Wei Ying hissed. 

Lan Zhan didn’t respond immediately, seeming to assess what the best way to handle this was. Eventually, he reached out and took Wei Ying’s hand. The gesture made Wei Ying realize he was shaking.

“All I know is he fired his attorney this morning and asked to give a taped confession,” Lan Zhan explained. “He had details of the murder that have not been released to the public, and he told the detective he acted alone. Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan said his name firmly, clearly trying to make him listen. “If he did not do it, why would he confess?” 

Wei Ying stared at him. He knew what Lan Zhan was doing. Asking a question to force Wei Ying to stop and think for a minute, and trying to make him come to the same conclusion Lan Zhan had. Except there was one thing Wei Ying knew for absolute certain, and it was that Wen Ning did NOT do this. So Wei Ying was not even going to entertain the thought. 

“Let go of me,” Wei Ying said darkly. 

Lan Zhan slowly let go of Wei Ying’s hand. 

“Wei Ying,” he said again hesitantly.

Wei Ying wasn’t going to stick around to hear Lan Zhan try to convince him that Wen Ning was a murderer. He also no longer gave a fuck about the ankle monitor he was wearing. 

Without another word, he turned and left the balcony and then the apartment.

Chapter Text

As soon as Lan Zhan realized Wei Ying was actually leaving and not just escaping to his bedroom like he normally did, he tried following him out of the apartment. But Wei Ying managed to close the elevator door before Lan Zhan could get on, and the fact that Lan Zhan lived in the penthouse meant it would have been a very long way down if Lan Zhan took the stairs. So he at least had to wait for the elevator to go back up, which gave Wei Ying a few minutes head start. 

The hardest part of the decision Wei Ying was making was that he knew he was leaving Yuan behind. Wei Ying’s charges had not technically been dropped yet, so he was technically a fugitive at the moment. And Yuan could not go where he was going. It absolutely shattered him, but he also knew there was nothing he could do about it. 

The plan was to go straight to the police department. 

As it turned out, they came to him instead. His ankle monitor had GPS tracking, after all. He only made it a few blocks before three police cruisers surrounded him and 6 officers got out, all of them pointing guns at him. That seemed a bit overkill, if you asked Wei Ying. They had not acted this way when he went to the hospital, so why were they being so aggressive now? It was especially weird since he knew his charges were about to be dropped.

“Put your hands up!” one of the officers yelled. 

Wei Ying just smiled. 

“Put your hands up!” the officer yelled again. “This is your final warning!” 

Before Wei Ying could decide if he wanted to find out if that was an empty threat or not, a fourth police car came skidding to a halt at the scene of the standoff. This time, Lan Xichen stepped out. 

“Hold your fire!” he snapped at the officers. None of them lowered their guns. After a moment, Lan Xichen turned his gaze back to Wei Ying anyway.

“Wei Ying,” Xichen said cautiously. “What are you doing?”

“I was looking for one of you guys, actually,” Wei Ying said. “I needed to talk to a police officer.” 

Lan Xichen raised an eyebrow at him, then glanced at the other officers’ guns again. 

“Maybe next time use the phone,” Lan Xichen suggested. 

Wei Ying smirked. At least he knew where Lan Zhan got his dry and twisted sense of humor from.

“What did you need an officer for?” Xichen asked.

Wei Ying opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, he was interrupted. 

“Wei Ying!” 

Wei Ying looked over and saw Lan Zhan sprinting towards them. 

“Stay back!” One of the nearby officers warned him.

“Lan Zhan,” Lan Xichen also warned nervously. 

Lan Zhan completely ignored it. He stepped right into the circle of officers and then walked right up to Wei Ying and grabbed him by the arm. 

Wei Ying didn’t miss the way all of the officers immediately lowered their guns. Apparently they were willing to point guns at Wei Ying all day, but none of them were willing to risk accidentally shooting a lead detective’s brother. 

“Oh come on,” Wei Ying taunted them. “It was so much more exciting with the guns. Like a movie scene.” 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan scolded in a very low tone, a deep frown on his face.  

Wei Ying just scoffed. He ignored Lan Zhan and turned back to Lan Xichen to answer his question. 

“I needed to find a police officer so I could turn myself in,” he responded. “I’m confessing. The murders. It was me.” 

Lan Zhan’s hand that was still holding his arm turned to a vice grip. 

“Stop,” Lan Zhan said darkly. “Don’t do this.” 

Wei Ying continued to ignore him. He couldn’t actually look at him, that would make this too hard. He opened his mouth to keep speaking, but before he could, Lan Zhan turned and spoke to all the officers surrounding them. 

“It was me,” Lan Zhan said loudly, as though he were issuing a direct challenge to each officer. “I did it.”  

Wei Ying did glare at him for that. What the fuck was he doing? He needed to stay out of this and take care of Yuan. Lan Zhan did not look back at him, but his gaze towards the officers remained cold and direct.

The officers just stood there, clearly not sure how to proceed with any of this. 

“It was not either of you,” Lan Xichen finally interrupted the confused silence, his voice terse. “Wei Ying, your charges are being dropped. We already know who did it.” 

Wei Ying sighed. “Yeah, I wondered if you would say that,” he replied. “You all really suck at your jobs, you know that? Charging the wrong guy and ignoring the actual murderer even when he’s standing here telling you he did it. But fine. There’s still the matter of the other crimes.” 

“What other crimes?” Lan Xichen asked, taking the bait. 

“Oh, you know, the drug trafficking. And then there’s the illegal possession of a firearm…” 

Immediately, the officer’s guns went back up at what Wei Ying was implying. Lan Zhan tensed even more beside him, if that was even possible. 

“Step away from him,” one of the officers instructed Lan Zhan. 

Lan Zhan completely ignored him. 

Before tensions could escalate even further, Lan Xichen surveyed the situation one more time and then stepped right into the circle and in front of a couple of the officer’s guns. 

“Lan Zhan,” Xichen urged, maintaining direct eye contact with his brother. “Please trust me.” 

Lan Zhan glared at Xichen. They kept staring at each other, almost as if they were having a full conversation with their eyes. Wei Ying wasn’t sure if he eventually did decide to trust his brother or if he just realized there was no other option, but eventually Lan Zhan reluctantly stepped forward with Wei Ying. As Lan Xichen placed a handcuff on one wrist, Lan Zhan let go of the other arm and stepped back. Lan Xichen then turned Wei Ying around and pulled his second wrist into the handcuff too. 

Without saying anything, Lan Xichen then started to methodically pat down Wei Ying in a search. When he found nothing, he looked back at the officers. 

“He’s cuffed and doesn’t have any weapons on him,” Xichen said firmly. “You can put your guns down.” 

The officers lowered their guns again, though at least one officer seemed to do so very reluctantly. Then Lan Xichen turned back to Wei Ying.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand?” 

Lan Xichen read him his rights in a completely professional tone, a stark difference from all of the heightened emotions around him and giving no indication of what he thought of all of this. 

Wei Ying just nodded. 

“Okay, I’m going to put you in the back of my car now,” he instructed. 

Wei Ying didn’t make any move to resist, so Lan Xichen led him away from the other officers and to the police cruiser, guiding him into the back seat and closing the door. Then Wei Ying watched through the window as Lan Xichen went to speak to the other officers. 

Wei Ying was not looking at Lan Zhan at all, but he could feel Lan Zhan watching him. Or at least the car he was in. Wei Ying wasn’t sure he could actually see him through the tinted windows. 

Wei Ying closed his eyes. It was really hard, having to do this.  Maybe one of the hardest things he’d ever done, and that was saying a lot given everything Wei Ying had endured in life. But he could not and would not let Wen Ning take the fall for his mistakes. Not again. 

Still, now that the adrenaline of finding out about Wen Ning’s guilty plea followed by having a bunch of guns pointed at him was wearing off, this hurt. It really, really hurt. He swallowed down the lump in his throat. 

When Wei Ying did finally build up the willpower to open his eyes again and glance at Lan Zhan, he saw that Lan Xichen was now talking to him instead. Lan Zhan appeared to be very unhappy about this. Lan Xichen had a pleading look on his face as he spoke. Whereas Lan Zhan was not looking at his brother at all, his gaze still fixed on the car Wei Ying was in, and not responding to whatever Lan Xichen was saying. 

But then Lan Zhan let out a shuddering breath, and finally glanced at his brother. He didn’t say anything, but he did nod once. Lan Xichen appeared to ask a follow up question, and this time Lan Zhan gave him a few words in response. 

They exchanged a few more sentences back and forth. They were too far away for Wei Ying to even try to read anyone’s lips or know what was being said. But soon after, Lan Xichen put a reassuring hand on Lan Zhan’s shoulder.

Lan Zhan simply looked away again. Then Lan Xichen sighed and started walking back to the car. 

Wei Ying looked away, staring at his own knees. He was barely holding onto his composure and hoped Lan Xichen would just drive him to the station without saying anything. That was definitely hoping for too much, because Lan Xichen didn’t drive at all. He started the car, but did not pull out onto the road. 

“Are you cold? Do you want me to turn on the heat?” Lan Xichen asked, glancing at him through the rear view mirror. 

Wei Ying was always cold these days, but he didn’t think it had anything to do with the winter weather or that turning on the heat would help. He just shrugged. Lan Xichen turned it on anyway.

They fell into an awkward silence for a moment. Wei Ying wasn’t sure why Lan Xichen didn’t just start driving already. 

Then Lan Xichen turned around in his seat. 

“Why are you suddenly trying to go down for a murder you didn’t commit?” Lan Xichen asked. 

“I did,” Wei Ying said dully. 

Lan Xichen shook his head. “I don’t think that’s true,” he responded. “Do you want to know what I think?” 

“No,” Wei Ying answered. He didn’t want to keep talking, he just wanted to go to the police station and get booked already. 

“I’ve been doing a lot of digging and talking to a lot of people about you for this investigation,” Lan Xichen said anyway. “When preparing for homicide trials that don’t have a clear motive, we like to enlist the help of a criminal psychologist and build a detailed timeline of a person’s life. So I know a lot about you now. Probably more than you would have ever wanted me to know. Probably more than your siblings or my brother even know about you.”

Lan Xichen paused to see what Wei Ying might say about that, but Wei Ying didn’t react, so he continued.

“I know quite a bit about your upbringing in foster care and each of the homes you were in. I also know about your adoption by the Jiangs, and about those family dynamics and how your adoptive mother used to treat you. I know, of course, that you have a long history of concerning drug use, since high school. I know that after the Jiangs died, you stopped speaking to your siblings for years and only very recently started to have any contact with them at all. I know about your son. Your siblings seem to think you got Wen Qing pregnant and that they’ve finally solved the mystery of why you spent your inheritance on her, but I know that isn’t true because I have his custody records and know he is not biologically yours. That you didn’t take him in until long after you’d given away your money.” 

Wei Ying tightened his lips. Lan Xichen was not wrong about the fact that Wei Ying did not want him to know any of that. 

“What’s your point?” Wei Ying bit out. 

“My point is, I’ve now learned enough about you to know that there is absolutely zero chance you murdered your sister’s fiance.” 

Wei Ying said nothing. He was still seething at the knowledge of what Lan Xichen had dug up about him.

“I also know,” Lan Xichen continued, his tone gentler this time, “that on the night of the murders, you were making suicidal statements to your brother, and that your sister asked you to leave your son with her that night because she was worried about your mental state.” 

“He misunderstood what I was trying to say,” Wei Ying muttered, shaking his head.

Lan Xichen just gave him a sad, pitying smile. 

“Was it a misunderstanding at Yanli’s wedding?” he asked. “When you overdosed in the hotel courtyard?” 

Wei Ying didn’t respond. He had not overdosed, and he was not interested in having this conversation with Lan Xichen and giving him even more information that he had no right to know. But Lan Xichen apparently wasn’t going to leave it alone. 

“I learned a few things about you that day, too,” Lan Xichen continued. “I know that that morning, you and I had a conversation in the elevator, and that I got a frantic call from Lan Zhan not too long after that. He said you had a really bad night, he found out you had relapsed, you and him had a fight, he kicked you out of the hotel room, and not too long after he got a cryptic one word text from you and no response when he tried to call. Then I found you in the courtyard and could not wake you up.” 

Wei Ying still didn’t say anything. It was new information to him that Lan Xichen had been the one that had found him, but wasn’t relevant to anything.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Xichen urged. “What I said to you that morning, I genuinely am very sorry. I didn’t realize the mental state you were in and how truly cruel I was being, but what I said was awful no matter what. I would never have forgiven myself if you had not survived that morning, and I need to correct my statement. You are not a mistake. The more I learn about you, the more I can see exactly why my brother is so protective of you. You’ve been through more than any human being should ever have to go through and yet you are probably one of the kindest, most forgiving, most loyal people I have ever met. You are the best thing to ever happen to my brother.” 

Wei Ying was not going to let himself cry in front of Lan Xichen or fall for whatever trick this was. He was not something to be pitied. He glared at him.

“You’re a shitty detective,” Wei Ying said. “You’re so off-base, it’s absurd. You left out all of the important stuff.” 

Lan Xichen frowned at him slightly. “Like what?” he asked. 

Wei Ying knew that Lan Xichen thought he was winning this conversation. That he thought Wei Ying had fallen for his tactic. But Wei Ying was playing an entirely different game than Lan Xichen was.

“Like how I started my own drug ring when I was still in high school, or how much fun I had beating Wen Chao’s face in before you arrested me,” Wei Ying answered with a cool smile. “Or how badly I wanted to see his brains come out of his ears. How’s that for kind and forgiving?” 

Wei Ying could tell that Lan Xichen was trying hard not to react to that, but he had years of reading Lan Zhan’s almost unreadable expressions, so he could still see the surprise on Lan Xichen’s face.

“You really don’t think I’m capable of murder, Detective Xichen? Because I promise you, I most definitely am.” 

Wei Ying knew he sounded convincing, because none of it was a lie. Wei Ying might not have murdered the Jin cousins, but he absolutely knew he was capable of ending a life, because he had tried to with Wen Chao and he would try it again if he ever got his hands on Xue Yang and whoever else was involved in doing this to the people he loved. 

Still, Lan Xichen recovered quickly. 

“I didn’t say you weren’t capable of ending a life, Wei Ying,” he answered calmly. “In fact, I think you’re doing this because you are trying to do just that. Except I think the life you are trying to end is your own.” 

The words cut through Wei Ying’s defenses. He swallowed, but then shook his head. If he was trying to end his life, he would have just jumped off the balcony. Wei Ying was not trying to die, he was trying to get to Wen Ning.

“You’re wrong,” Wei Ying answered.

“Why would you lie and say you had a gun on you when you’re surrounded by officers with their own guns already drawn?” Lan Xichen pushed anyway. 

Wei Ying was definitely not going to keep having this conversation. 

“Are you taking me to jail or not?” he asked bitterly. 

“For what?” Lan Xichen asked. “You haven’t committed a crime, other than breaking house arrest, but considering those charges have already been dropped, no DA is going to prosecute that.” 

“Then am I free to go?” Wei Ying challenged. 

Lan Xichen hesitated, clearly not comfortable with that idea, but then he nodded. After all, it’s not like he could legally continue to detain Wei Ying after just admitting Wei Ying had not done anything criminal. 

Lan Xichen got back out of the car and went around to open the door. He helped Wei Ying back out and turned him around to take his handcuffs off. 

Wei Ying glanced over at where the other officers and Lan Zhan still stood. Some of the officers had left, but two remained standing by their police cruiser. 

“Hey!” Wei Ying shouted at them, to make sure they were looking. As soon as they glanced up, Wei Ying turned and swung his fist right at Lan Xichen’s face. 

What happened next was a bit of a blur. All at once, Lan Xichen dodged the punch and shouted something at the officers, Lan Zhan screamed Wei Ying’s name, and there was a loud bang.

Then, Wei Ying was on the ground, pinned down by Lan Xichen. He looked scared. Wei Ying wasn’t sure why he was scared considering Wei Ying was not fighting back anymore, but Xichen was radioing something, and now Lan Zhan was running towards them. 

The world was getting fuzzy, but Lan Zhan reached them and had taken off his sweater and was throwing it to his brother, who crumpled it up and pressed it up against Wei Ying’s chest. Wei Ying looked down and noticed a lot of blood. 

“Oh,” he whispered. 

Then, the world went black.

Chapter Text

Lan Zhan did not know how to take care of a child. He only knew how to keep a child occupied. He could distract Yuan with activities, or prepare a meal for Yuan when he was hungry. But he did not know how to truly parent or meet a child’s needs on an emotional level. He did not even know how to connect with most adults, much less a toddler that needed guidance whenever he was sad or scared or hurting. 

So Lan Zhan really did not know how he was supposed to show up at school this afternoon, pick Yuan up, and tell him what happened. How do you explain to a child why his dad is not coming home? 

Specifically, how do you tell him that his dad was shot by a police officer? By the people that are supposed to be the good guys. How do you shatter innocence like that? 

Lan Zhan did not know how to be a father, but had it not been for the need to care for Yuan, Lan Zhan was not sure he would be able to function at all. He was not sure his lungs would remember how to keep breathing, or his legs would remember how to hold him up. 

As it was, the world somehow kept turning and that meant he still had to pick Yuan up from school in an hour. 

Lan Xichen had tried to stop him from walking out of the hospital, right after they received the news from the surgeon, but Lan Zhan had no words for him. Lan Xichen had asked Lan Zhan to trust him, and Lan Zhan had reluctantly done so, just for it to result in this. So when Lan Xichen tried to grab him by the arm, Lan Zhan spun around and felt a fury burn from within him. 

“Brother,” Lan Xichen said, his voice trembling and a look of deep heartache on his face. 

“We are not brothers anymore,” Lan Zhan hissed. 

Then, he yanked his arm out of Lan Xichen’s grasp and walked away. 

Lan Zhan couldn’t actually process what he had just been told. He couldn’t think about it or he would shatter. He felt numb, like nothing was real and he was walking through a fog. He looked down at himself and had the vague thought that he should probably go home first before showing up at the school looking like this. 

So that’s what he did, and he continued to not think about it. It didn’t register even as he was in the bathroom scrubbing Wei Ying’s blood off of his skin. He just had to go and get Yuan. 

Yuan was excited to see Lan Zhan standing outside of his classroom when the school bell rang. 

“Daddy! I drew a picture of Apple!” he exclaimed, proudly holding up his crayon drawing as he bounced over to Lan Zhan. 

“That’s great,” Lan Zhan answered, his voice sounding hollow and far away to his own ears. 

Yuan fell asleep on the drive home, and at least one emotion broke through the wall of Lan Zhan’s numbness. Relief. 

At least for now, Yuan would be spared the news. He would nap, and would not realize right away that his dad was not at home, and would not have to have his childhood ripped into pieces just yet. He had a few more hours of his innocence left.

Lan Zhan carried Yuan into the apartment and put him in bed, before walking to his own room and closing the door. He was not sure if it was now his role to call and inform Wei Ying’s friends and family. Given where things stood, he was not sure, when it came to his family in particular, if they would even care to know. 

He did it anyway, because right now he was one of the only people that knew, so that alone made it his responsibility. He chose to send it via text. He was not sure he could not explain it even once, out loud, much less over and over again. So he texted Wen Qing, and he texted Jiang Yanli. He figured that the two of them could share the information with anyone else who might need to know. 

His phone started to ring only a few seconds later. His text had been vague. No details, just the hardest news. He assumed Wen Qing was calling to get more information. 

To his surprise, it was Jiang Yanli. 

Lan Zhan didn’t think he was capable of answering, but he somehow found himself doing it anyway. 

“Hello,” he said, his voice carrying the same hollow echoing cadence as before. 

“What happened?” Yanli asked, her voice already on the edge of hysterics from Lan Zhan’s text. 

Lan Zhan closed his eyes. Tried to draw strength from somewhere, though he felt completely empty.

“He was shot by an officer. In the chest. The bullet missed his heart, but collapsed his lung. He was rushed into emergency surgery. They removed the bullet, but there was a surgery complication.” 

He recited the information similar to how the doctor had recited it to him. Empty. Detached. Void of any emotion. 

“How’s Yuan,” Yanli asked after a moment of silence.

“Sleeping,” Lan Zhan answered. “He doesn’t know yet.” 

“Oh, Lan Zhan,” Yanli said, her own voice thick with tears. “What are we going to do?” 

She said the word “we” as if there was any connection between them. There had only been one. 

“I don’t know,” Lan Zhan answered anyway, his voice so quiet that he could barely hear himself speak.

Lan Zhan had lied, at the hospital. When the doctors said that they could only share medical information with Wei Ying’s family, he had told them that he was his husband. Lan Xichen had remained silent through the lie, and maybe didn’t even know it to be a lie given how estranged they had been. But because of that lie, and based on the depth of Lan Zhan’s grief, the nature of his relationship with Wei Ying was no longer a secret. 

As it turned out, Jiang Yanli ended up being Lan Zhan’s lifeline. She had already been grieving the loss of her own fiance, the father of her unborn child, and now she was handed this news as well. Yet, she seemed to have a strength in her that Lan Zhan did not, because as Lan Zhan sank into his grief, she stepped up to help in ways that Lan Zhan did not even know how to ask for. 

She cooked meals and brought them for Lan Zhan and Yuan. She asked to pick Yuan up from school some days, just to spend time with him and give Lan Zhan a break. And some days, she was just there. She stopped by for tea, or invited Lan Zhan and Yuan to walk with her in a park, or invited them to come to her place for dinner, just to prevent Lan Zhan from isolating himself completely. 

Wen Qing was dealing with her own brother being incarcerated at the same time as this, but she came by to visit as well. She offered to take custody back of Yuan, now that her own charges had been dropped. Lan Zhan felt absolutely gutted at the idea, and when Wen Qing saw his reaction, she quickly consented to allowing Yuan to remain where he was. She explained to Lan Zhan that the intention had always been for Wei Ying to raise Yuan, and that she had never wanted kids herself. She did not expect Lan Zhan to take on this burden himself. However, if Lan Zhan was wanting this, she felt like it would have been what Wei Ying wanted for Yuan, as she was in no place to provide the stability he needed. Lan Zhan reassured her that he absolutely was committed to Yuan, and they started the process of a formal adoption. 

Within 6 months, Wen Yuan was now Lan Yuan. It was a bittersweet day. Lan Zhan refused to hold a ceremony or celebration, for fear that he could not get through it without crumbling at the reminder that Wei Ying was not there with them.

The investigation into the officer that shot Wei Ying was quickly closed. The officer was briefly placed on administrative leave and then allowed to go back to work like nothing had happened. They found that his actions had been reasonable, given Wei Ying had made statements about having a gun and had then assaulted another officer. Lan Zhan knew that was bullshit. He had been there. He knew that Lan Xichen had made it clear to everyone that Wei Ying was unarmed. 

As for Wen Ning, he did not have a trial. He plead guilty to the murders and was sentenced to twenty years in prison. He did not even show up to his own sentencing hearing, refusing transport to the court. 

Lan Zhan tried to visit him once. He wanted to speak to Wen Ning for himself, to know if Wei Ying had been right or not. To know if Wen Ning had actually committed this crime and if Wei Ying’s actions had been for nothing. But Wen Ning refused the visit.

Whatever the truth was, justice was never served. There was no justice for something like this. 

There were so many things Lan Zhan had not gotten the chance to ask Wei Ying. Things like whether or not he wanted Yuan to learn Chinese. Lan Zhan had asked him once, if Yuan spoke it, and Wei Ying had said no. But Lan Zhan had never asked what that meant. If it meant he did not want him to learn it, or just that he had not managed to teach it to him. There were so many things like that, that Lan Zhan didn’t know, that he regretted never asking. 

Lan Zhan asked him all of those questions now, but of course, it was a one-sided conversation. He could not get any answers anymore.

So he taught Yuan Chinese anyway, and hoped he was not going against what Wei Ying would have wanted. 

Wen Qing was at least able to give Lan Zhan some answers. She was able to tell Lan Zhan more about Yuan’s history, as well as stories about Wei Ying. Yanli did the same, telling both Yuan and Lan Zhan stories about Wei Ying as a child. Lan Zhan held onto each one of them desperately, as if the more he could learn about Wei Ying, the closer he could feel to him. 

There were so many things Lan Zhan wished he had done differently leading up to the day of the shooting. The number one being that he really, desperately wished that he had stayed home that morning. Wei Ying had asked him to stay, and Lan Zhan had not understood the gravity of that request. He would never forgive himself for that. 

It’s not like Lan Zhan had not known Wei Ying’s mental state. Wei Ying had shown it multiple times. From the overdose at Yanli’s wedding, to the threat to jump off their hotel balcony on that same trip, to the syringe he found in Wei Ying’s apartment, to the frantic call from Xichen on the morning it happened, telling Lan Zhan that he needed to go home and check on Wei Ying because Wei Ying had called Xichen and something felt very off about the call. 

Lan Zhan had known exactly how dark things could get for Wei Ying. 

Why the fuck had Lan Zhan left the apartment that morning at all? Why, when Wei Ying had crawled into his bed the night before, had Lan Zhan not just pulled him into his arms and promised him he would not let go? Why, when Wei Ying had asked him to take off work that following morning, had Lan Zhan refused? That was the most painful regret, but definitely not the only one.

It all seemed so stupid, now. Throughout the investigation, Lan Xichen had been asking Lan Zhan where Wei Ying had gone on the night of the murders. Where he was between his sister’s house and when Lan Zhan met up with him again at his apartment. Lan Zhan had kept his mouth shut, assuming Wei Ying had a reason for not providing his alibi. Trusting Wei Ying. 

But maybe he should not have. After all, Lan Zhan had found Wei Ying that night with a syringe, about to inject yin into his veins. Maybe Wei Ying was just very lost in his addiction, or maybe he had not given his alibi because he had already stopped fighting. And maybe if Lan Zhan had just shared that information with Xichen from the beginning, it also could have prevented this. 

Lan Zhan had done it once before. In high school. Wei Ying was going to be charged with felony attempted murder for his assault on Wen Chao, but Lan Zhan had told Xichen what he knew about Wei Ying’s drug dealing. In return, Xichen had protected Wei Ying. He used that information in his case against Wen Ruohan and Wen Chao and he reduced Wei Ying’s charges down to a misdemeanor. Lan Zhan should have done the same this time. Maybe then, Wei Ying would not have been on that ankle monitor, and would not have been surrounded by cops for leaving the apartment. Or he would not have felt so trapped and miserable in the first place.

After the arrest, Lan Zhan knew how dark things had gotten again. He saw the way Wei Ying hid from him, hid from Yuan. The way he stayed locked up in the guest room for most of the day, and often only came out when he thought everyone was asleep. Lan Zhan should have reached out more then. Should have tried harder to talk to Wei Ying, to connect with him, to pull him out of the dark hole he was headed down. 

But Lan Zhan did none of those things, because the trust between them was too broken and he didn’t feel it would be well received. Wei Ying did not open up to him anymore. All because Lan Zhan had been failing Wei Ying long before that. Even back when Wei Ying had first moved in, before the wedding and the kiss and them starting a romantic relationship, Lan Zhan had made so many mistakes. 

Lan Zhan had wondered what it all meant, back when Wei Ying first came to stay here, and instead of just asking, he panicked. He kicked Wei Ying out of his bed and pulled away from him. All because of a stupid comment from Lan Xichen.

Lan Zhan couldn’t pretend that he didn’t notice how this hurt Wei Ying, either. He saw immediately how it made Wei Ying more nervous, more distrustful, more scared. He saw how Wei Ying started lashing out more, defensive over small things, suddenly insecure about his place in Lan Zhan’s life. Lan Zhan tried telling himself it would just take time. That Wei Ying would feel secure again once he realized that Lan Zhan wasn’t going anywhere.

But Lan Zhan had not taken into consideration Wei Ying’s past traumas or just how deeply this kind of abandonment cut. He had always considered Wei Ying to be very outspoken, but it turned out, Wei Ying was only outspoken about wrongs done to other people, or personal offenses over silly things. He could speak up to Uncle Qiren over the rules he found to be unreasonable in high school, and he could pick a fight with anyone that mistreated or misjudged someone he cared about, but he did not speak up when it came to the things that really hurt him. He took those kinds of hits to his psyche quietly.

So Lan Zhan had not truly realized the depth of the pain he had caused by suddenly shutting Wei Ying out like that. Not until the night of Jin Zixuan’s bachelor party, when Lan Zhan watched the way Wei Ying took a punch from his own brother without even trying to fight back, and also found out Wei Ying had relapsed shortly after Lan Zhan had shut him out. Even then, he didn’t fully understand how all of these things fit together. Not until Lan Zhan momentarily lost control of his own temper and told Wei Ying to “get out.” He had not meant it like that. He had only meant that he wanted to be left alone for a little while. Wei Ying instead tried to end his own life. 

Wei Ying had later sobbed and broken down and confessed some of what he had been feeling, and finally Lan Zhan realized just how much damage he had done.  

Lan Zhan had never wanted to make him feel that way. He had just been scared of his own feelings, and of getting hurt. He had been scared of Wei Ying the same way he had been scared of him in high school. Had pushed him away the same way he’d pushed him away back then.

Lan Zhan tried to fix it, after that, but by then the damage had been too much to undo. The trust was not there. Years and years of Lan Zhan’s guarded behavior and pushing Wei Ying away had left deep wounds. Lan Zhan saw it in the way that Wei Ying hesitated to come out. He knew that it wasn’t because Wei Ying feared other people’s opinions of him. Wei Ying had never cared about that sort of thing and the people who he did care about would have loved him regardless. 

No, it was simply because Wei Ying did not trust the relationship they were building. 

Lan Zhan realized it based on the way Wei Ying handled the conversation about coming out. How quickly Wei Ying shut down, and then lashed out hours later, scared and defensive, like a cornered animal. Like he was so afraid that Lan Zhan would hurt him more. Because that’s what he associated Lan Zhan with. Pain and betrayal and fear. 

And then, of course, there was the Thanksgiving dinner. Lan Zhan regretted that one so much that he stopped celebrating Thanksgiving altogether. He simply couldn’t bring himself to. Not when he knew how much he had failed Wei Ying on that holiday. If he had simply been honest with Wei Ying about Jin Zixun from the beginning, Wei Ying would not have been so confused and hurt that day. He would not have left. They would have still been together, on the night Jin Zixun was murdered, instead of Lan Zhan being passed out drunk on his couch and Wei Ying running off to buy yin. 

There were so many turning points. So many places where Lan Zhan could have stopped this. All of this could have been avoided, if Lan Zhan had stopped being such a coward and just let Wei Ying in. Now, Lan Zhan was alone, curled up on Wei Ying’s side of the bed. His fear of getting hurt had created the worst pain he’d ever felt. 

He and Xichen did not speak again after the day of the shooting. Xichen tried to call, until Lan Zhan blocked his number. Then, when Lan Xichen tried knocking on his door one evening, Lan Zhan filed for a restraining order the following morning. His lawyer told him he did not meet the legal basis for one to be granted, but Lan Xichen seemed to at least finally get the message and left him alone after that.

Lan Zhan could not forgive himself for everything that had happened, but even more deeply, he could not forgive Lan Xichen. 

Lan Xichen knew where Wei Ying’s head was at that day, because Lan Zhan had told him. Lan Zhan could remember that conversation so vividly. Staring at Lan Xichen’s police cruiser after Lan Xichen had put Wei Ying under arrest. Lan Xichen coming over to talk to him and asking him if he knew why Wei Ying would admit to a murder he didn’t commit. Lan Zhan confessing that Wei Ying was suicidal. Lan Xichen promising he would help. He was a police officer. He was supposed to be trained to handle something like that. And yet, he had put Wei Ying directly into a deadly situation. 

Lan Zhan was angry at himself. He was angry at Lan Xichen. And some days, he was angry at Wei Ying.

Angry that Wei Ying had left him and Yuan. Angry that Wei Ying had not spoken up and tried harder to make Lan Zhan understand how badly he needed him that morning. Angry that Wei Ying did not stop and think things through before acting so rashly. Angry that Wei Ying did not let Lan Zhan help. 

But then Lan Zhan circled back to the conversations they’d had leading up to that moment, and he knew exactly why Wei Ying had not asked for help. It was because Lan Zhan had refused to believe that Wen Ning was innocent. So Wei Ying felt like he had to deal with all of this alone. 

Years passed. 

For Yuan, the grief healed. As he got older, he started to forget. His dad just became a collection of stories that others told him, not a memory he could recall for himself. It was both a relief and terribly painful for Lan Zhan. A relief to watch Yuan start to thrive again, but so heartbreakingly hard to realize that Yuan did not truly remember Wei Ying.

For Lan Zhan, his grief did not heal. He was never going to get used to the silence. Especially as Yuan got older, and no longer filled the home with his toddler energy, it became hard to endure the quiet. Sometimes Lan Zhan would turn the TV on, just to fill the void, but that was a painful memory all by itself, so five minutes later he would turn it off again. 

He found grief in the smallest of things. Buying groceries, and no longer buying Wei Ying’s favorite foods. For a while, Lan Zhan bought them anyway, but it was just as hard to throw them away, uneaten, once they started to go bad. He found grief in Yuan’s achievements too. He wanted to share those successes with Wei Ying. 

There were places Lan Zhan could no longer go. The shopping mall. The zoo. His own guest room, which now remained locked and untouched, with all of Wei Ying’s belongings still inside.

Lan Zhan tried his best to stay grounded in routine and structure as much as he could. Tried not to let himself get too off from his routines, because deviating from that meant having too much space to think. So he woke up at 5, did yoga with Yuan, made breakfast, took him to school, taught his own students, brought Yuan home and cooked dinner, graded papers, and went to bed. 

Years later, when Lan Zhan was promoted to the dean of the music school, he poured all of his time and energy into that. It was this that held him together every day. It was this that allowed him to take care of Yuan, instead of falling apart so completely that he would never be able to put himself together again.

Yuan was growing up into a very kind, very gentle, very responsible child. He was smart too. The top of his class. 

In the fourth grade, he became best friends with Lan Jingyi, a distant relative of Lan Zhan’s. Lans were supposed to get legacy admissions to Cloud Recesses Academy, but Jingyi attended Lan Zhan’s music school instead. He had been expelled from the academy and rejected from a couple other private schools before Lan Zhan admitted him into his school. He was a wild young child and had the potential to be a bad influence on Yuan, but in some ways this reminded Lan Zhan of his high school days with Wei Ying, so Lan Zhan could not bring himself to discourage the friendship. 

The two boys also spent a lot of time with Yanli’s son, Jin Ling, who Yanli also enrolled at Lan Zhan’s school. He was a few years younger than the other two boys, but Yuan had grown up with him, thanks to Yanli’s ongoing involvement in their lives. So he frequently followed them around in the hallways and after school, and they did not seem to mind including him. 

Yuan always tried his best to keep his two friends contained, but Lan Zhan secretly cherished the sounds of the boys bickering and playing and causing chaos in his apartment. It filled the silence again.

A few more years passed. Yuan became a teenager, and yet, he remained quiet and kind and easy to parent. It actually started to worry Lan Zhan a bit. Maybe he was being too strict of a parent, because it did not seem normal that a thirteen year old boy would simply come home from school and do his homework voluntarily, keep his room clean, and that unless his friends were over, the most noise he ever made was when he practiced violin in his room. Lan Zhan could not help but think that Wei Ying would have been able to teach Yuan how to be a bit more rebellious and how to have fun in a way that Lan Zhan was not capable of teaching. 

On the day it happened, Lan Zhan was grading papers, and Yuan had just brought him a mug of tea. Yuan just did things like that. Lan Zhan had never asked him to, had never set that expectation, and yet Yuan just saw Lan Zhan looking overworked or tired and brought him tea or cooked dinner or helped out more around the house. 

It was as Lan Zhan was taking a sip of that tea that his phone rang. It was not unusual for Yanli to call anymore, so Lan Zhan did not think anything of it when he answered.

Yuan came running back in at the sound of the mug crashing to the floor. 

Wei Ying had woken up. 

__

When he arrived, the doctors at the hospital told Lan Zhan that Wei Ying’s brain waves had started responding to pain stimuli two days ago, but they thought it was another false positive on the machine, since the machine was very sensitive and even some static electricity on clothing could look like brain activity.  But then he opened his eyes yesterday morning and, although that sometimes could happen and muscles could contract without any consciousness, a nurse that checked on him later that day believed he was tracking movement with his eyes. 

Then, today, they ran another EEG and saw quite a bit of brain activity. Shortly after that, he had started to choke on his ventilator, which was a sign he was breathing on his own, so they took him off the machines. It was just a few hours ago that he started responding to verbal cues, able to blink in response to yes or no to questions. Within the last hour he had started to groan, but he wasn’t speaking any actual words and they had not done any further testing yet to know his current cognitive abilities.

They informed Lan Zhan that Wei Ying had been told that he had been in a coma for ten years, but no other details had been given to him yet. They did not want to overwhelm him and cause regression when he was in such a fragile and scientifically unprecedented state. 

Because of that, they said it would be best if Yuan waited in the waiting room for the first visit. They explained that it could take some time for Wei Ying to truly process how much time had passed, and that they did not want to shock him with the sight of his grown son. 

So Lan Zhan walked into the hospital room alone. He had been here many times, over the course of the past ten years, but each time, Wei Ying had been hooked up to ventilators and machines. Lifeless. Gone. The doctors had claimed he would never wake up, that there was almost zero brain activity and that they believed the miniscule activity they could sometimes find were false positives, and yet, Yanli had ignored all of their advice and had chosen to keep him on life support. She had even hired a team of lawyers to keep the hospitals tied up in legal proceedings that prevented them from turning off the machines when they tried to do so against her will. 

At the time, Lan Zhan had hated it. The doctors said Wei Ying was likely brain dead, and he felt it was wrong and unbelievably painful to continue to drag this out for so long. But even though the hospital believed him to be Wei Ying’s husband, he knew that legally, he had no standing to fight Yanli on this. If he wanted to keep his visitation privileges, he had to stand behind her decision. Now, he was so unbelievably grateful she had kept fighting for him, and could not believe that he had given up.

Wei Ying was alive. He was laying against his slightly raised bed. He was thin and frail and seemed unable to sit up, and he had oxygen tubes in his nose, but his eyes were open and he was breathing with his own lungs and that was a miracle in itself. A nurse was helping him to hold his head up while another doctor, different from the one Lan Zhan had talked to, stood in front of Wei Ying, asking him to follow a light with his eyes. And he was doing it! Because his brain was clearly not dead after all. 

Lan Zhan held his breath as he waited for them to finish. As they were walking out, Wei Ying’s head turned sideways and he spotted Lan Zhan, and he smiled weakly at him. Lan Zhan never thought he was going to see that smile ever again. He rushed to sit by Wei Ying’s bed. 

“Wei Ying,” he said softly. Then he very suddenly and abruptly started to sob. 

Wei Ying just closed his eyes sadly. After a few moments where Lan Zhan tried to compose himself again, Wei Ying let out an aggressive grunt, which made Lan Zhan look at him. Lan Zhan watched as Wei Ying’s eyes moved down, looking pointedly at Lan Zhan’s hand. 

“My hand?” Lan Zhan asked in confusion.

Wei Ying’s eyes moved back up to Lan Zhan’s eyes, then towards his own hand. Lan Zhan thought maybe he understood, so he moved closer to the bed and reached out to grab Wei Ying’s hand. Wei Ying sighed softly, a signal that Lan Zhan had guessed correctly in what he wanted. 

They just sat there, like that, for almost an hour. Then Wei Ying grunted again. Lan Zhan looked up at him, and it looked like Wei Ying was focusing very hard on trying to say something. He was moving his mouth and lips slightly, like he was trying to make them work. Lan Zhan just watched and waited. 

“Did I…” Wei Ying finally croaked. He focused again, then added, “jump?”

Lan Zhan immediately understood the question and it hurt to hear it. It confirmed something Lan Zhan had wondered about, but once again failed to ask, when he found Wei Ying sitting on the balcony that morning. If that’s where Wei Ying’s head had been. Lan Zhan shook his head. 

Wei Ying focused again. 

“He says… brain dead,” Wei Ying croaked, his voice very hoarse and weak but still somehow managing to have his typical playful tone. “My brain is smarter,” he paused to take in a gasping breath, “than stupid machines.” 

Lan Zhan tried to smile, but instead he squeezed Wei Ying’s hand and sobbed again. He was just so happy to hear Wei Ying talk. He had spent so long coming to terms with never hearing Wei Ying again, so now that he was, it felt impossible. 

Wei Ying gave him the space to cry. He didn’t say anything else right away, until Lan Zhan had managed to take a few breaths and calm himself again. 

“What… happened?”

“You were shot by an officer,” Lan Zhan explained. 

There was a blank look in Wei Ying’s expression, as if Lan Zhan’s explanation did not jog any memories whatsoever. The doctor had warned Lan Zhan to not give too much information at once. To let Wei Ying process things in small doses.

“What do you remember?” Lan Zhan asked instead.

Wei Ying took another breath, which rattled in his chest. 

“The balcony.” 

Wei Ying spoke in short, hoarse sentences, taking strained breaths, seemingly unable to sustain his oxygen for long. But he seemed to be able to find words faster and faster the more he spoke, not having to try as hard to get his mouth and brain to cooperate.

If that was all that he remembered, then he knew nothing about Wen Ning’s confession. Lan Zhan didn’t say anything about it now. After all, Wen Ning was serving a twenty year sentence at this point. It was not urgent. 

“They said it’s been,” Wei Ying croaked out, then paused to breathe again, “ten years.” Wei Ying had a deep pain in his eyes. “Is that true?” 

Lan Zhan nodded slowly. 

“Yuan?” Wei Ying asked, his voice suddenly pleading, desperate for information. 

Lan Zhan hesitated, because the doctor had strongly insisted he be careful with these subjects, but he tried to smile reassuringly at Wei Ying. 

“He is doing well,” Lan Zhan promised. “He… I taught him Chinese. I hope that’s okay.” 

Wei Ying’s brow furrowed in confusion, and Lan Zhan realized that he had probably put all of that worry and significance on something that Wei Ying did not find very significant after all. 

“You visit him?” Wei Ying asked hopefully. 

Lan Zhan smiled, because they really had a ton to catch up on. 

“I adopted him,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying’s mouth dropped open slightly in shock. 

“You…” he trailed off, then gave Lan Zhan a watery awe-filled, trembling smile. He didn’t have to say it. His emotions showed a deep gratitude, and Lan Zhan felt better about ignoring the doctor. He knew that he was not saying the wrong thing, and that Wei Ying would be more stressed out not knowing. 

“Can I see him?” Wei Ying asked. 

“The doctor said we should wait,” Lan Zhan explained. “It could be too shocking.” 

“Fuck the doctor,” Wei Ying huffed. “He thought,” Wei Ying took another breath, “brain dead. He knows nothing.” 

Lan Zhan hesitated. 

“He might not remember you,” Lan Zhan said tentatively. 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes, apparently not at all phased by that. 

“Lan Zhan,” he whined through a wheezing breath. 

Lan Zhan sighed, but then nodded. He knew the doctor’s recommendation, but he didn’t think he could deny Wei Ying this. He didn’t think he could deny himself this, either. It had been ten years without Wei Ying. Lan Zhan did not have the patience to keep them apart a second longer. So he stood up and went back out to the waiting room. 

“Yuan,” Lan Zhan called. 

Yuan was sitting in a chair, looking tense and nervous and pale. Lan Zhan could not imagine what was going through his head. He had not known his dad since he was three years old and now the life he had grown up knowing was being turned upside down. 

As Yuan stood up and walked over to him, Lan Zhan reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. 

Yuan nodded. 

“He wants to see you,” Lan Zhan explained. 

Yuan hesitated, then looked at Lan Zhan with scared eyes. 

“What if he doesn’t like me?” Yuan asked.

Lan Zhan’s eyes widened. That was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. 

“You’re the first person he asked about,” Lan Zhan answered. “He loves you more than anything.” 

“What if I don’t like him?” Yuan asked, even more quietly, ashamed of even asking the question. 

Lan Zhan actually huffed out a slight laugh at that. Yuan didn’t realize it, but Lan Zhan knew. He knew that Yuan might not consciously remember Wei Ying, but he was drawn to Wei Ying in so many ways that he didn’t even realize. His sense of humor, his love of spicy food, his strong connection to his aunt Yanli. And of course, Lan Jingyi was his best friend for a reason. Lan Zhan knew without a doubt that Yuan and Wei Ying were going to get along just fine. 

“I’m not worried,” Lan Zhan answered.

That seemed to be enough for Yuan to believe it, because he took a deep breath and nodded. Lan Zhan squeezed his shoulder and led him into the room.

Lan Zhan could see the way Wei Ying’s eyes teared up as soon as they walked in, but he could also see the relief in Wei Ying’s gaze, and the way Wei Ying suddenly seemed to have a lot more energy. Lan Zhan immediately knew he had made the right choice to bring Yuan in here. 

Lan Zhan also watched as Wei Ying looked Yuan over, saw how nervous Yuan was, and then immediately buried his own emotions and switched gears. 

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying suddenly whined again, made even more pitiful due to coming from his extremely frail body. “Why do you… make him… dress like that?” 

Lan Zhan tensed. Whatever Wei Ying was trying to do, this was not good. Yuan was already nervous enough, and the first thing Wei Ying was going to do was criticize his clothing?   

“I do not make him, Yuan dresses himself,” Lan Zhan replied, a slight warning to his tone. 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes and moved his gaze back to Yuan, clearly not taking the hint. 

“A leather jacket,” Wei Ying wheezed. 

“He does not want a leather jacket,” Lan Zhan defended. 

“And a motorcycle.”

“Wei Ying!” 

Wei Ying started laughing, or at least shaking up and down with what little air he could get in his lungs. To Lan Zhan’s relief, he noticed Yuan was also holding back a laugh. It was now obvious that Wei Ying had been trying to rile Lan Zhan up on purpose just to break the tension. 

“Does he still… make you… yoga?” Wei Ying wheezed out, once he had somewhat collected himself. 

“He doesn’t make me. I enjoy yoga,” Yuan responded, moving to sit down in a chair. He still looked nervous, but slightly less so.

Lan Zhan felt proud of Yuan for that response. Wei Ying sighed dramatically, or at least as close to a dramatic sigh as he could get in his current state. 

“Blink if you… need help,” Wei Ying said, staring at Yuan. 

Yuan smiled. “Jin Ling made that same joke a few days ago,” he said. “When he opened our fridge and saw that Lan Zhan had bought us tofu in bulk.”  

Wei Ying’s brow furrowed. “Who?” 

“He’s my fr-” 

“Your nephew,” Lan Zhan interrupted Yuan’s answer. 

Wei Ying’s eyes widened. This time, he could not hide the emotions. As he processed that, a couple of tears rolled down his cheek. 

“Yanli’s son?” Wei Ying asked Yuan. 

Yuan nodded. 

“Tell me about him?” Wei Ying suddenly pleaded, managing to speak that one in a full sentence. 

Lan Zhan smiled as he watched Yuan immediately jump into a story about his friends. Any hint of nerves were gone as the two of them immediately clicked, almost as if Wei Ying had never been gone in the first place. 

“You’re going to meet him,” Lan Zhan eventually reminded Wei Ying, because he was talking about Jin Ling like he was never going to get to know him personally. “Yanli let me visit you first, but she is coming tomorrow morning, and I am sure he will come with her soon enough.” 

Wei Ying looked surprised at that. 

“She doesn’t hate me?” he asked nervously.

It took Lan Zhan a moment to understand why he would be asking that, before he remembered that Wei Ying was still living ten years in the past. In the midst of a murder charge against him for the death of Jin Zixuan.

“No,” Lan Zhan promised. “She does not.”

Chapter Text

Nobody was talking about it. About any of it.

Wei Ying knew that the doctors had advised them not to. They had told everyone that Wei Ying was too fragile for any serious conversations. So Wei Ying did his best to be patient, and to smile, and to show them he was fine. 

Physically, he was obviously not fine. His body was so weak that he couldn’t do anything on his own. His muscles had gone 10 years without being used at all. Which meant he was weaker than a newborn baby in terms of his ability to control his own limbs. He couldn’t move, besides being able to turn his head side to side. He could barely even swallow the gross “smoothie” that his nurses fed him the first few days, though he was convinced that one was more about his body rejecting the vile substance and less about not remembering how to swallow like they said it was. 

Several times a day, a team of physical therapists came in and helped him “exercise,” which basically meant trying his hardest to move his leg, which he could not lift more than a centimeter off the bed, or trying to squeeze a physical therapist's hand, or them propping him up in a sitting position and telling him to try to balance there, which he could never do for more than a couple of seconds before he tipped sideways into their hands again. It was the most pathetic Wei Ying had ever felt in his life, and it was also unbelievably hard and painful. It also included them “stretching” him, which felt more like they were trying to pull his limbs off of his body. Sometimes it hurt so bad that it made him scream. It was getting to the point where the physical therapists simply walking into his room would make him flinch.

But he was slowly getting a little more mobile. He could lift his own head after a couple days, and after a couple of weeks of this torture, he managed to pick up a spoon and very carefully almost feed himself a spoonful of food before accidentally dropping it all over his chest. He could also speak fairly easily now that he was remembering how to coordinate his lungs and his voice.

Emotionally, he honestly wasn’t doing great either. It was pretty humiliating to be a grown adult that needs to be cared for like an infant. Even after they decided he was strong enough to start eating solid foods again without choking, the hospital food sucked. Trying to sleep at night with all of the beeping machines sucked. Not knowing anything really, really sucked. All of the time he had to spend alone in this miserable hospital room sucked too.

But he couldn’t tell anyone that, or they’d just be even more cautious around him, when all he wanted was to know all the information they were withholding from him. So when visitors came, he tried his best to be upbeat and show them he was doing great. 

On top of missing out on ten years, his memory from before those ten years was also very fuzzy, at best. It was like looking at a very basic sketch of his life. Like how an artist might draw a circle with a couple lines for positioning before they started to draw a face. Looking at it, you could figure out that it was eventually going to be a face, but there were zero details. He only remembered the really basic shape of things, like who people were and occasionally a few random snippets about them. But the rest was filled with a lot of gaps. There were especially large gaps in the months and days leading up to his coma.  

He got crumbs of information, here and there. He’d learned from Lan Zhan that he’d been shot. He learned from Yuan’s stories that Yanli had apparently been very involved in helping Lan Zhan raise him. Jiang Cheng’s name came up a couple of times. Yuan spoke about him like he was a grumpy, difficult uncle, so that meant that he probably hadn’t changed much, but that he had some involvement in Yuan’s life as well. 

Wei Ying also learned from Yuan that Lan Zhan did not speak to his own brother much, if at all. Yuan hadn’t revealed that on purpose. Wei Ying had simply made a comment about Lan Xichen once, and Yuan had absolutely no idea who that was. So Wei Ying didn’t mention him to Yuan again. 

He couldn’t ask Lan Zhan about it, though, because every time Lan Zhan visited, he brought Yuan. Which, of course Wei Ying loved visiting with Yuan, but he also felt like Lan Zhan was doing that on purpose. He was using the child as a shield to avoid letting Wei Ying ask any of the bigger questions.

Yanli refused to give him any information when she visited either. She scolded him for even asking and told him he just needed to focus on getting himself well. She did at least tell him that Jiang Cheng was in China for work, but that he had heard the news of Wei Ying waking up and would stop in when he got back. It seemed odd to Wei Ying that Jiang Cheng was going to visit, because the last he remembered, they were not on good terms. But maybe he was forgetting more things and that’s why that didn’t make any sense. After all, the last Wei Ying remembered, he and Yanli had not been speaking either. He couldn’t really remember why, though.

It was hard to piece any of it together in his brain. It was like having 20 random pieces of a 10,000 piece puzzle and trying to guess the picture. 

Wei Ying did overhear, at one point, a nurse talking about a “Dr. Wen.” Wei Ying wondered if that was Wen Qing. It could be a completely different person, but Wei Ying decided to find out. He paged his nurse and asked if she could send Dr. Wen to his room. 

He confirmed that it was, in fact, Wen Qing when the nurse came back fifteen minutes later and said, “Dr. Wen says to tell you that unless you’re dying, she has her own patients to deal with.” 

Wei Ying smiled at that. He also took it as a personal challenge. It’s not like he had anything else to do in this boring hospital. Lan Zhan and Yuan visited every day, and Yanli came every few days, but only for a few hours. Aside from his physical therapy sessions or doctors running tests or the nurses coming to feed him and check on him every few hours, he was just laying in bed all day. So he had a lot of free time on his hands. 

He started sending different nurses after her, at all hours of the day. He never managed to successfully summon her, but one time, Wen Qing decided to retaliate and ordered a nurse to switch Wei Ying’s chart to show he could only eat a vegetarian diet. Wei Ying protested and the nurse just shrugged, saying it was a doctor’s order so he would have to wait for his regular doctor to come in the next day to change it back. 

The back and forth even started some rumors, because the nurses started giggling and gossiping with each other about it, wondering why the coma patient was flirting with one of the doctors and, more importantly, why the doctor was flirting back. Which Wei Ying found particularly amusing, especially because he could just imagine Wen Qing’s reaction if she heard that. 

Wei Ying had fun with it for a while, but he did eventually start to really wonder why she had not come to visit. After all, Wei Ying had been in a coma for 10 years! Didn’t she at least want to see him? She was here all the time anyway, was it so hard for her to drop by and actually say hi?

So after a while, he stopped. He realized that maybe she actually genuinely didn’t want to see him, and didn’t appreciate being harassed at work. Maybe there were more things he couldn’t remember, and a reason she was avoiding him.

He was really starting to hate this hospital, and how slow his progress was. He just wanted to be able to walk on his own two feet, or hell, even just sitting up on his own would be nice. Feeding himself a real damn meal instead of being spoon fed bland and tasteless food by a nurse every few hours would be amazing too. 

He wanted to go home. He hated the dread he felt every time visiting hours ended and he was left alone in this cold, sterile room. Of course, he didn’t even know where home was anymore. Where was he supposed to go once he could leave this hospital? For all he knew, Lan Zhan was married now. Maybe that was the big secret nobody wanted to tell Wei Ying and the reason Lan Zhan never visited alone. Lan Zhan was married and Yuan already had a different second dad, and everyone was in on the joke except for Wei Ying.

Maybe that was just the isolation making his thoughts spiral, but was it that crazy of a thought? It would be arrogant to assume that Lan Zhan would not have moved on after 10 years, or that Wei Ying had a place in either of their lives like that anymore. Yuan was Lan Zhan’s son now. He had raised him. It was clear in their interactions how comfortable Yuan was with Lan Zhan. He constantly looked to Lan Zhan for guidance and reassurance and instruction, a stark difference to how nervous Yuan was with Wei Ying. Wei Ying was just a stranger that Yuan was being told he had to get to know.

Funnily enough, it was stopping the harassment that finally brought Wen Qing to visit. She stopped by late one night, long past visiting hours, dressed in her fancy doctor’s robes. She caught Wei Ying staring out the window, lost in thought.

“Your chart says you’re losing weight,” Wen Qing lectured from the doorway, pulling Wei Ying out of his thoughts and making him turn to look at her in surprise. “You were gaining it steadily since you woke up and now you’re losing it again.” 

“You’ve been reading my chart?” Wei Ying asked, frowning slightly.

Wen Qing raised her eyebrows. “I have to make sure the doctors that are treating you aren’t idiots,” she replied.

So Wen Qing was apparently stalking his medical care but not coming to visit. Wei Ying didn’t really know what to do with that information. 

“It says you’re refusing some of your meals and starting to show some signs of depression,” she continued, sounding like a disapproving parent lecturing a child for a bad progress report at school. 

“The food here sucks,” Wei Ying muttered. “Who wouldn’t be depressed?”  

Wen Qing sighed and came in to sit down on the stool in his room. 

“Wei Ying, what’s wrong?” she asked firmly. 

How was Wei Ying even supposed to start to answer that question? He’d lost ten years of his life. Missed out on his son’s childhood. Had no idea if there was even a place for him in the world anymore. Or maybe there never was. Hadn’t he been asking himself the same question before the coma? 

He didn’t even have drugs to fall back on this time, because you can’t exactly get your hands on anything fun when you can’t even roll over by yourself. 

He’d never gone more than a few weeks of kicking the drugs since high school, but now he technically had ten years of sobriety under his belt. That was a crazy thought. 

He just shrugged. 

“Why haven’t you been visiting?” he asked, instead of answering her question. 

Wen Qing hesitated, then deflected her answer. 

“I am visiting you right now,” she responded.

Wei Ying rolled his eyes at that. He knew Wen Qing knew what he meant. But he didn’t call her out on it. He just went back to staring out the window. 

“Wei Ying,” she urged, clearly wanting him to talk. It annoyed Wei Ying a lot that she could avoid his question but expected him to answer hers. He turned to look at her again.

“Don’t you have patients to deal with?” he snapped. “Why are you here?”

Wen Qing did not flinch. She had never been very phased by Wei Ying’s temper. But after a moment, she did finally seem to realize she wouldn’t get anywhere with him until she answered his questions.

“I haven’t been visiting because Lan Zhan asked me not to.”  

Wei Ying really didn’t know what to do with that. Ten years later and Lan Zhan still hated the Wens? He had adopted Yuan and yet still couldn’t get over his judgment towards them? That was Yuan’s biological family, he had a right to know them! 

Instead of reacting to that, he chose to try to use this opportunity to get some information. Lan Zhan was way too cautious and Yanli was just too good to disobey a doctor’s orders, but surely Wen Qing would tell him things. 

“How did I get shot?” he tried.

But Wen Qing just tightened her lips. 

Wei Ying noticed that she looked different. Older, of course, but also hardened. Like the world had not treated her very kindly these past ten years. She’d always been outwardly guarded, but secretly very kind. Now, she looked nearly impenetrable.

“You’re right, I have patients,” she replied. Then, without warning, she got up and left. 

Wei Ying just turned his head back to stare out the window again. He hated this place. 

__

Wen Qing and Lan Zhan apparently weren’t completely at odds with each other and had some communication between them, because the next day during visiting hours, Lan Zhan and Yuan showed up with food. Real food, in takeout boxes, instead of the crappy hospital food that Wei Ying had been eating this whole time. There was no way that was a coincidence.

That had to be some sort of violation of his doctor-patient confidentiality or whatever. Not that Wei Ying could bring himself to care. 

The smell of the food was almost enough to make Wei Ying forget what he’d learned the night before, about Lan Zhan keeping Wen Qing away. He was so tempted to let himself be bribed into more complacency, but he had been lying awake most of last night ruminating on it. He really needed answers at this point. So instead, when Lan Zhan sat down next to Wei Ying and started to open the takeout boxes, Wei Ying spoke up.

“Lan Zhan, I really need you to answer some questions for me.” 

He watched the way Lan Zhan immediately tensed. He hesitated and glanced at Yuan briefly before responding, but did not ask him to leave the room. In a way, that only confirmed to Wei Ying that Lan Zhan was hiding behind Yuan to avoid letting the conversation get too intense.

“What are your questions?” he asked slowly.

“Why did I get shot?” 

Lan Zhan took a nervous breath.

“You assaulted an officer,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying frowned. He had absolutely no memory of that, or more importantly, why he would do something like that. It’s not like that didn’t sound like him in general, but it was a puzzle piece that did not fit anywhere in the picture of what he knew. 

“How many days have I lost?” he asked. 

He wasn’t sure if that question even made sense, but apparently it did, because Lan Zhan responded. 

“None,” Lan Zhan responded. 

That really didn’t add up. The last memory Wei Ying had was sitting on a balcony and being angry at Lan Zhan over a rabbit. He couldn’t remember the details of the argument or how a rabbit was involved, but he did remember that it was a petty fight and could not see how any of what he could remember would have devolved into him attacking a police officer.

This time Wei Ying was the one to glance at Yuan, because he had recently learned that Yuan did not have any recollection of Lan Xichen, which meant Lan Xichen had not been involved in Lan Zhan’s life over the last ten years. It seemed like that had to be related. Wei Ying did remember that Lan Zhan’s relationship with Lan Xichen had been tense even before his coma, but he felt like it had been getting better. He couldn’t remember why he felt that. But surely it would take something really significant to make Lan Zhan cut his brother out completely for ten years…

“Which officer shot me?” Wei Ying asked nervously, genuinely scared to hear the answer. 

“Officer Su She,” Lan Zhan responded.

Wei Ying had no idea who that was, but he felt his whole body sag in relief in knowing it wasn’t Lan Xichen after all. But maybe that meant…

“Which officer did I assault?” he asked slowly. 

This time, Lan Zhan glanced in the direction of Yuan, then clenched his jaw and did not respond. 

Fuck.

He didn’t need Lan Zhan to explain what that particular gesture meant. Still, he noticed that Lan Zhan was only giving him very brief responses that didn’t actually give him much information, and Wei Ying was not sure how to ask the real questions in a way that Lan Zhan could not evade answering. Especially with Yuan in the room. 

“Why were we arguing about a rabbit?” he tried. 

He noticed the way Lan Zhan’s shoulders got a little less tense, which was unfortunately a sign that he was not asking the right questions. This was further confirmed by the fact that this was the first question Lan Zhan actually elaborated on.

“I bought Yuan a rabbit. You and the rabbit did not get along. You threatened to eat it and made Yuan cry.” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying glanced at Yuan again, and he was frowning like he also did not remember this, but he at least did not look upset about the rabbit incident. 

“Sorry,” Wei Ying apologized anyway. 

Yuan smiled slightly in amusement. “That’s okay,” he answered. 

To Wei Ying’s surprise, Lan Zhan continued to explain. 

“That is not what the argument was really about,” Lan Zhan said. “It is what we were saying, but the argument was really about what was not being said.” 

Wei Ying wasn’t sure what that meant, but Lan Zhan sounded really pained, and he also looked like he had surprised himself by saying that much. 

“What was not being said?” Wei Ying asked hesitantly. 

But Lan Zhan glanced at Yuan again, and then shook his head. 

“Not now,” he answered. 

Wei Ying felt like he had gotten nowhere, but Lan Zhan honestly looked very uncomfortable, so Wei Ying gave up. He tried to swallow down his own disappointment and just nodded. 

“Thanks for the food,” he said instead.

Lan Zhan clearly didn’t want to answer his questions, but apparently he didn’t like Wei Ying just dropping the subject either, because he just stared at Wei Ying with an intense gaze for a moment. 

“Yuan,” Lan Zhan finally said. “Can you go to the waiting room?” 

Yuan was apparently a pretty responsible kid, because he didn’t protest or ask any nosy questions. He just stood back up and left. Lan Zhan turned back to Wei Ying. 

“It is difficult for me to answer your questions when the doctors have asked me not to,” Lan Zhan confessed, his voice trembling slightly. “On the day…” he trailed off, then started again. “On the day you were shot, I was told not to tell you something and I told you anyway, and you were not in the mental state to hear it, and I lost you because of that. I do not want to do that again. I only want to give you the information when I am certain you can handle it.” 

Wei Ying sighed. How was he supposed to know if he could handle the information if he didn’t know what it was?

“Lan Zhan,” he said slowly. “If you’re not ready to tell me whatever it was that you told me then, that’s okay. It’s been ten years, maybe it doesn’t even matter anymore. But I feel like I don’t know anything, and nothing makes sense, and it really sucks. It’s hard to even describe how confusing it feels. I would really appreciate it if you could at least fill in a few of the gaps.” 

Lan Zhan took in a slow breath, then exhaled and nodded. 

“You asked me to stay home from work,” Lan Zhan explained slowly. “I was frustrated, so I told you to make friends with the rabbit instead. I didn’t realize why you were asking. I thought you were just testing me, because you had been picking fights ever since you moved back in. I thought you still resented me and these fights were you punishing me for our breakup. But it was so much more than that. You were not okay, and I should have seen that.” 

Lan Zhan paused and closed his eyes. It was clearly painful for him to relive this. 

“You ran. The officers tracked your ankle monitor. You told them you had a gun, and then you punched Xichen.” 

Lan Zhan was trembling. Wei Ying knew there were still gaps in that story, and now he had even more questions, but it was also clear that was all Lan Zhan could share about it right now. So he took mercy on him and changed the subject. 

“What about over the last ten years?” he asked. “What did I miss? Tell me about Yuan.” 

Lan Zhan seemed to visibly relax at the new and easier question. 

“Yuan is the top student at school,” Lan Zhan said, a hint of pride taking over the pain that had been there a moment before. “He plays the violin, and he is really good at it, but he does not want to pursue music. He wants to be a doctor. He is really passionate about it. He will sometimes talk to Wen Qing for hours about her job.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t seem to think much of what he was saying as he boasted about Yuan, but Wei Ying frowned. 

“He talks to Wen Qing?” Wei Ying asked. 

“Mn,” Lan Zhan acknowledged. “He really looks up to her a lot. She is a good mentor to him.” 

“So then why am I not allowed to talk to her?” Wei Ying asked, genuinely confused now. 

He had really assumed Lan Zhan had ongoing issues with the Wens, but now he was hearing that Yuan talked to Wen Qing all the time, and Lan Zhan was talking about Wen Qing in a way that implied they were on good terms.

Lan Zhan tensed again at that question, then sighed. He considered his response extremely carefully.

“Wen Qing has been through a lot, and has a lot of conflicting emotions about you,” Lan Zhan said slowly. “She cares about you deeply, but she is also angry. She and I both felt it would be better for her to keep some distance for now.” 

Wei Ying frowned at that.  He didn’t remember doing anything to hurt Wen Qing so deeply. He knew she had kicked him out of the apartment, but that had been for Yuan’s sake, and they had still been friends. 

“What did I do to her?” he asked hesitantly.

Lan Zhan tensed even more. 

“Wei Ying, I cannot,” he answered, his voice thin. A clear indication that Wei Ying was once again encroaching on something that was too painful or scary for Lan Zhan to answer. 

So Wei Ying nodded. Their conversation had barely touched on all the things weighing on Wei Ying. It only left him with even more confusion and questions. But this was painful for the both of them, so he stopped. 

“How’s the rabbit?” he asked instead, hoping to lighten the mood. 

“Dead,” Lan Zhan answered bluntly. So much for that.

 But then Lan Zhan’s eyes glistened with excitement and he added, “We have two new rabbits now.” 

Wei Ying raised his eyebrows at that, and then laughed. Lan Zhan had clearly not changed much over the past ten years. 

“I want to meet them,” Wei Ying said. 

Lan Zhan smiled at that. “You will, when you come home,” he answered. 

They both seemed to realize what he had said at the same time, because the tone of the conversation instantly changed again. Wei Ying tensed and Lan Zhan hesitated. 

“I should not assume,” Lan Zhan said slowly. “I just meant… if that is what you want.” 

Wei Ying blinked at him. “I just didn’t know what to expect,” he answered. “It’s been ten years.” 

Lan Zhan watched him nervously for a moment.

“You should know,” Lan Zhan started to confess, and his tone made Wei Ying’s heart stop because this was it. This is where he tells Wei Ying he is married.

“People are aware of the nature of our relationship,” Lan Zhan said instead. He bowed his head. “I was only allowed to get information from the doctors because I claimed to be your husband.” 

Wei Ying couldn’t help but start to laugh. He laughed so hard his eyes teared up. Lan Zhan looked extremely confused at his reaction, but it was just so absurd. He had never in a million years thought Lan Zhan's confession would be that they were married to each other. In comparison to what he thought Lan Zhan was going to say, being outed was the least of his problems. Plus, Lan Zhan had lied! That had to be a first. 

It took him a moment to compose himself again, and that’s when he actually processed what Lan Zhan had just said. 

“What is the nature of our relationship?” Wei Ying asked curiously. 

Lan Zhan didn’t even hesitate. He looked Wei Ying firmly in the eyes. 

“That is up to you,” he answered. 

Wei Ying swallowed nervously, because what the hell was he supposed to do with the knowledge that Lan Zhan had held onto feelings like that for ten years, even while thinking Wei Ying would never wake up? That, on top of the fact that Lan Zhan had adopted Yuan. Had raised him and kept him safe, despite having no obligation to do so. Suddenly any frustration or resentment Wei Ying was feeling about all of this dissolved, and he felt an indescribable joy.

Wei Ying blinked back tears. 

“You need to eat,” Lan Zhan instructed firmly, clearly seeing that this conversation was too overwhelming for Wei Ying at the moment and avoiding making Wei Ying feel obligated to answer right now. 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes, but didn’t protest when Lan Zhan opened the box of takeout food again and started to feed him.

Chapter Text

Now that Wei Ying knew that he could go home to Lan Zhan and Yuan, he worked twice as hard in physical therapy. He was eager to get discharged as fast as he possibly could, no matter how grueling and painful those exercises were.

He still wanted answers, but he’d also come to terms with the fact that he simply couldn’t get them right now, and honestly, maybe they didn’t matter. It had been ten years. As far as he knew, nobody was coming to arrest him for anything, and Lan Zhan seemed to think he would be going home with him. So maybe this was his clean slate. Maybe it was time to put the past behind him. 

After a couple more weeks of really pushing himself in multiple physical therapy appointments a day, he could finally sit up on his own and even feed himself. He still wasn’t standing or walking yet, but all of his tests on his brain were coming back okay, and the doctors decided that since he could at least keep himself upright in a wheelchair now and didn’t need as much constant care, he could go home and continue his therapies there. 

So Lan Zhan wheeled him out of the hospital later that morning, Yuan walking alongside them. Yuan had gotten a lot more comfortable around him, too. He still definitely looked to Lan Zhan as his parent, but he had seemed excited to come to visit these days, rather than nervous. Wei Ying felt like they were getting along really well, and was so grateful to be getting to know this older version of him, even if there was some grief about having missed out on so much. 

The doctors advised that he take it easy at first, but Lan Zhan had barely picked Wei Ying up from his wheelchair and transferred him into the front seat of his car before Wei Ying asked if they could make a detour on the way home. He was just so excited to be out in the real world. 

“Where would you like to go?” Lan Zhan asked warmly, his tone sounding like he would go anywhere Wei Ying asked. Wei Ying grinned and considered his options for a second. 

“Can we go to the zoo?” he asked, his eyes lighting up. 

Before Lan Zhan could respond, Yuan answered. 

“I’ve never been to the zoo,” Yuan said. 

Wei Ying frowned at him. 

“Yes you have! We took you when you were little. You made Lan Zhan panic because you kept asking him why gay penguins couldn’t have their own babies,” Wei Ying replied while laughing. 

Yuan smiled in amusement at that. 

“I don’t remember that,” he responded.

“I’m surprised, I would have thought Lan Zhan would have taken you to the zoo practically every weekend,” Wei Ying remarked. “He loves it there. He knows the name of every animal! He -” 

Wei Ying’s excitement was halted when he suddenly caught a glimpse of Lan Zhan, who was starely at the ground, his jaw clenched. 

“Lan Zhan?” he asked, his own brow furrowing with worry. 

“I do not know the animals anymore,” Lan Zhan responded, not looking up. 

Wei Ying didn’t know what he had said wrong, but he quickly backtracked at the deep hurt in Lan Zhan’s voice. 

“Nevermind,” Wei Ying said. “Maybe we should just go home.” 

“No,” Lan Zhan immediately replied, sounding like a dejected child. “I would like to go to the zoo.” 

Wei Ying was now thoroughly confused, but if Lan Zhan wanted to go, then they would go. So he nodded. 

So they went to the zoo. But it was weird. 

Lan Zhan and Yuan took turns pushing Wei Ying’s wheelchair, but despite having basically demanded to come here, Lan Zhan was being even quieter than his usual quiet. He looked far away in his own thoughts. Yuan didn’t seem as put off by this as Wei Ying was, though. He seemed to be enjoying the animals, his eyes lighting up at each new exhibit. 

After a couple of hours, Wei Ying asked if they could eat lunch, so they wheeled him to the cafe area and parked him at a table. Wei Ying requested a double cheeseburger, and Lan Zhan walked off to order for them. Then Wei Ying turned to Yuan. 

“What’s up with Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying quickly inquired. 

“What do you mean?” Yuan asked, but Wei Ying could tell he already knew exactly what Wei Ying meant. 

Wei Ying just raised his eyebrows at him. Yuan sighed. 

“He’s like that a lot,” Yuan answered. “He never says what he’s thinking, he just kind of… shuts down sometimes.” 

Wei Ying tightened his lips. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like that for Lan Zhan and he didn’t like it for Yuan. 

“Is he a good dad?” Wei Ying asked, the question escaping before he even had a chance to stop and realize how blunt it was. Yuan didn’t seem to mind. He smiled. 

“He’s a great dad,” Yuan answered fondly. 

“Good,” Wei Ying answered. He felt a bit better after hearing that, but also couldn’t help the way his eyes suddenly teared up from relief and sadness at the same time. He was very glad to hear that Yuan seemed happy, but was also very sad that he had to be asking that question in the first place. Yuan was supposed to be his son. Wei Ying was supposed to have raised him. It was hard to accept that that had been taken from him. 

Yuan looked nervous at Wei Ying’s tears, like he had done something wrong, so Wei Ying quickly tried to explain them away.

“I used to worry so much when you were little, about what your future would look like. Your first few years were so hard, and all I wanted was for you to be happy and to have a really good life.” 

Yuan softened at that explanation. “I am happy,” he promised. Then he thought for a moment and added, “And now I’m even happier, because I have both my dads.” 

That did it. No matter how valiantly Wei Ying tried, he couldn’t stop the tears this time. 

“Yuan, you’re not allowed to do that!” Wei Ying complained as he blubbered. 

Yuan just bowed his head to hide his smile.

Lan Zhan came back a moment later with a tray full of food. He quickly snapped out of his previous daze and frowned in concern at the scene in front of him. 

“Lan Zhan, tell Yuan he’s grounded for making me cry!” Wei Ying exclaimed. 

Yuan was now trying really hard not to laugh, which seemed to really confuse Lan Zhan, but Lan Zhan apparently realized Wei Ying wasn’t in any actual distress, because he didn’t bother to ask. He just set the tray down and started putting the food on the table. He had gotten Wei Ying’s cheeseburger along with some fries, and two tofu bowls. 

Wei Ying managed to calm himself down enough to roll his eyes at that.

“Don’t tell me you also eat like a rabbit,” Wei Ying said to Yuan. 

Yuan just smiled again and reached for a fork. Apparently he also had picked up Lan Zhan’s weird habit of barely ever speaking while eating.

Wei Ying had gotten better at feeding himself with a spoon, but he quickly realized that a double cheeseburger had been a bit ambitious. He couldn’t pick the whole thing up, so he settled on eating some of his fries. Lan Zhan eventually noticed, and stood up to go get an extra knife and fork to cut his burger into pieces for him. Wei Ying took full advantage of this kindness. 

“I need you to feed it to me,” Wei Ying said with a pout. 

“You can feed yourself,” Lan Zhan replied. 

“Lan Zhaaaan,” Wei Ying whined. “You’re just going to sit there and eat your own food and let me starve?”

Lan Zhan huffed, but picked up a piece of burger with the fork and fed it to Wei Ying anyway. Wei Ying’s eyes glinted with a teasing mischief at the fact that he was making someone as proper as Lan Zhan do something so cheesy in public, but Lan Zhan remained composed as he picked up another piece to feed it to Wei Ying. He continued to feed Wei Ying until the entire burger was gone, then turned to his own bowl to eat. 

Despite the zoo trip being so emotional, it ended on a good note. Wei Ying was actually pretty exhausted after lunch, but he really wanted to see the monkeys, so Lan Zhan obliged him with one last exhibit before they headed home. 

Wei Ying fell asleep on the car ride home, and woke up to the sensation of Lan Zhan picking him up out of the car and putting him back in his wheelchair. Lan Zhan had fallen into that weird quiet again, but according to Yuan that happened a lot, so Wei Ying tried not to worry too much. 

Lan Zhan didn’t take him to the guest room. Due to Wei Ying’s fragile state and limited mobility, the doctors said he had to be in a bed that could be raised/lowered and had guard rails. Lan Zhan had apparently set that up in his own room, where he could keep a closer eye on Wei Ying and be there to help. 

Before putting Wei Ying in bed to rest, Wei Ying demanded to see the rabbits. Apparently, they lived in Yuan’s room. Yuan wheeled him into the same room that used to be Lan Zhan’s office before they had converted it into his bedroom as a child. Wei Ying looked around the room, trying to get a better feel for who Yuan was now, but his room didn’t give much away. It was very clean and simple. Not even any posters on the wall or anything. Just a twin bed with light blue bedding, a small desk, a dresser, and a violin. 

And, of course, the rabbits. They were hiding under Yuan’s bed, the same as where Lan Zhan’s rabbit lived in high school. Yuan had to coax them out with a bit of fruit so Wei Ying could see them. One was black and the other was white, and Yuan stroked their fur as they nibbled on their treats. Then he scooped them up and started to bring them over to Wei Ying.

“Oh, no, that’s okay, you don’t have to do that,” Wei Ying said, his voice rising slightly in panic.

“They’re gentle,” Yuan promised with a smile. 

He deposited both of them on Wei Ying’s lap, and the rabbits complacently snuggled up on him. Wei Ying relaxed slightly when he realized they weren’t going to bite him. 

“What are their names?” he asked. 

“That one is Bichen,” he said pointing at the white one. “And the black one is Suibian.” 

Wei Ying smirked at those names. “Lan Zhan named them, didn’t he?” he asked. 

Yuan nodded. He didn’t seem to understand the joke, though. 

“When we were in high school, I used to tease Lan Zhan because he was so obsessed with keeping his car in perfect condition. So I started to call it Bichen,” Wei Ying explained. “Then when I got a car, he asked me what I was going to name it, and I said Suibian. He said that was a terrible name for a car.” 

Yuan smiled at that story. 

“What was he like in high school?” Yuan asked.

Wei Ying grinned at the question, but before he could answer, Lan Zhan stepped into the room. 

“Wei Ying needs to rest,” he said firmly. 

Wei Ying smirked at that. He turned and winked at Yuan, a quiet promise to continue this conversation later when Lan Zhan was not here to stop him. Yuan gathered the rabbits and then Lan Zhan turned the wheelchair towards his own room and lifted Wei Ying onto his medical bed. 

They still didn’t really talk about anything, but over the next few weeks, Wei Ying started to try to settle into being home. The problem was, he was bored, and frustrated with his lack of mobility and independence, and still felt really in the dark about his own life and how things got to this point in the first place. So he struggled to ever really feel settled at all.

Yuan had school. Lan Zhan had work. He had physical therapists and nurses coming to the house to check on him throughout the day, but just like in the hospital, he also had a lot of time to himself. 

Thanks to all the physical therapy, Wei Ying was at least starting to walk. He started by needing two people, one on either side of him, holding him as he dragged his feet along the floor. It sucked, and it hurt, but after about a week of doing that, he started to be able to fully lift each leg and take actual steps with their support. Once he started holding more of his weight on his own legs, they graduated him to a walker, which he could use to try to hobble his way around the penthouse. Wei Ying still longed for the day where he would be able to just walk around with ease, but he was grateful for the amount of mobility he had gained so far.

It was exhausting, though. He always finished his physical therapy sessions feeling shaky and slightly sick from how much he had to exert himself. He also could not actually use his walker for more than a minute or two before he had to sit down again. That didn’t help his growing restlessness.

He was glad to see that Lan Zhan’s periods of eerie quiet were not constant. That being said, it did not take Wei Ying very long to figure out why they happened. It was about Wei Ying. 

Going to the zoo had set him off the first time. It also happened once when Wei Ying decided to turn on the TV, and the absolute worst one happened when Lan Zhan came home from the store one Saturday and found Wei Ying and Yuan sitting out on the balcony. 

That last one actually apparently made Lan Zhan upset, because he ended up snapping at Yuan later that evening for simply clicking his pen too much while studying at the table. Yuan looked stunned and confused at the scolding, and then just quietly packed up his work and took it to his room. 

That made Wei Ying very sad. He was sitting on the couch next to Lan Zhan and he watched Lan Zhan, waiting for him to say anything about it, but Lan Zhan didn’t even look at him. 

So, after a solid two minutes where Wei Ying went unacknowledged, Wei Ying pathetically grabbed at his walker to pull himself up and hobbled towards the guest room. He made it all the way to the door before Lan Zhan even realized he was moving, but when he tried the knob, he was surprised to find the door was locked.

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan suddenly snapped out of his daze, sounding surprised and upset at the fact that Wei Ying was trying to open the guest room door. 

“Open this for me,” Wei Ying requested. 

Lan Zhan hesitated. Wei Ying had not expected him to say no, but then again, he had not expected the door to be locked in the first place. Now things were just awkward.

“Why?” Lan Zhan eventually asked. 

Wei Ying didn’t have the energy to stand here and explain or argue. Walking to the door had been hard enough, he wasn’t sure his legs would hold him up too much longer. It hurt, and he already felt nauseous and dizzy from standing for too long.

“Lan Zhan, please,” Wei Ying pleaded, his knees already buckling slightly underneath him.

Lan Zhan still hesitated, but he seemed to at least realize Wei Ying’s physical discomfort this time because he finally nodded and stood up, grabbing his keys off the hook by the front door and coming over to unlock the guest room. 

It wasn’t fast enough. Lan Zhan had barely opened the door when Wei Ying’s legs gave out and he collapsed to the floor, smacking his chin against the top bar of his walker for good measure. 

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan reached for him, but didn’t manage to catch him, and Wei Ying crumpled to the floor. 

He wasn’t truly hurt, but he did feel embarrassed and frustrated. So when Lan Zhan kneeled down to help him, he pulled away. 

“Don’t,” Wei Ying bit out. 

Lan Zhan paused in his movements, and then slowly sat down on the floor with Wei Ying, but made no attempt to reach for him this time. The suddenly tense air seemed to drag time out for a few long seconds.

“Are you okay?” Lan Zhan eventually asked tentatively, when Wei Ying had still not moved from his position on the floor. 

“Fine,” Wei Ying answered. 

He wasn’t fine, actually. He was miserable, and his legs were jello, and there was no way he could stand back up on his own from the floor. He hated that he was so helpless. He did manage to finally at least sit up and lean against the door behind him.

“Why did you want to go in there?” Lan Zhan asked. 

“Why was it locked?” Wei Ying countered, though he felt like he already knew the answer. It was the same reason Lan Zhan hadn’t been to the zoo in ten years and yelled at Yuan for no reason today, simply because he and Yuan went to sit on the balcony. 

Lan Zhan just stared at the floor, uncomfortable at the question. 

Wei Ying sighed. He knew he didn’t remember much, but he did remember this feeling. It felt like this had been their whole relationship, ten years ago. Unspoken fights and quiet tensions, occasionally punctuated by actual fights whenever the pressure got to be too much. Wei Ying loved Lan Zhan, but he had been miserable more often than he had been happy in the relationship. 

Granted, much of that had been Wei Ying’s fault. His drug use and mental state certainly didn’t help create a healthy dynamic.

Still, he did not want to keep doing this with Lan Zhan. Especially not now that Yuan was so much more involved in the situation. He could not just jump back into life like things were the same as they had been ten years ago. It was a fantasy to think it would be that easy.

“Lan Zhan, why was the door locked?” Wei Ying pushed firmly. He wanted an answer. He wanted Lan Zhan to talk about his feelings for once, instead of putting up this silent wall that always made Wei Ying feel crazy. 

Lan Zhan still didn’t look up or answer.

“Fine,” he muttered. “I can't make you tell me.” He closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. “But I think it might be best if I go and stay with Yanli,” he said, his voice shaking slightly. 

That caused Lan Zhan’s gaze to suddenly snap up at him. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan urged, sounding shocked. Wei Ying shook his head. 

“I’m not doing this again, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said in defeat. “I can’t even walk, I don’t have it in me to spar with you like we used to. I need you to talk to me, or if you don’t want to do that, then I don’t know why I’m here.” 

Lan Zhan looked pained, but then he slowly nodded. 

“It has been locked for ten years,” Lan Zhan finally admitted. 

“Why?” Wei Ying pushed. He needed Lan Zhan to say it. Needed him to put it out there so that they could deal with it. 

“Because it was too difficult for me to go in there,” Lan Zhan answered reluctantly. 

“Why?” Wei Ying asked again, still waiting for the answer that he already knew was there. 

“Because I did not want to change or move anything.” 

“Why?” Wei Ying asked again, firmer this time. 

Lan Zhan took a slow, deep breath, but then finally said it, his voice shaking.

“Because that would mean accepting that you were dead.” 

Wei Ying nodded. There it was.

“But I’m not dead,” he said, reaching out to hold Lan Zhan’s hand and prove to him that he was alive. 

Lan Zhan was very tense, but he relaxed slightly under Wei Ying’s touch. 

“Lan Zhan, I’m not dead,” Wei Ying repeated, squeezing his hand. 

Lan Zhan took a shuddering breath, then squeezed Wei Ying’s hand in return. It was clear this still wasn’t enough. 

“I’m alive. I’m right here,” Wei Ying coaxed. “See?” Wei Ying took Lan Zhan’s hand and brought it to his chest so that Lan Zhan could feel his heart beating.

At this, Lan Zhan broke down, his whole body shuddering with deep sobs. Wei Ying just continued to press his hand to his own heart and let him cry, a couple tears falling from his own eyes as well. He hated that he had caused so much pain. Hated that he could not be here for the past ten years with Lan Zhan and Yuan. Hated that he had been so reckless without thinking about the consequences. He wanted to apologize for everything, but he knew Lan Zhan would hate it if he did, so he just waited.

Slowly, Lan Zhan stopped crying. He sat there for another minute, then nodded. 

“You are alive,” Lan Zhan said quietly, as if trying to engrain it into his own mind.

“Yes,” Wei Ying promised. 

Wei Ying tugged on Lan Zhan’s arm, until Lan Zhan understood and moved closer, sitting beside him.  

“Lan Zhan,” he whispered into his ear, allowing some teasing to come back into his tone. 

“Hm?” Lan Zhan hummed. 

“I want my stuff back, and my clothes are in the wrong closet.” 

Lan Zhan side-eyed him, but Wei Ying could tell that he was secretly pleased by the implication of that. That Wei Ying was choosing this relationship, officially. A question that had been left unresolved the last time they talked about it. 

Wei Ying gave Lan Zhan a bit more time to prepare himself, but eventually, Lan Zhan nodded to show he was ready. He reached down under Wei Ying’s arms to help Wei Ying stand back up and grab his walker again. Then, together, they walked into the guest room. 

It was a weird feeling. Just as Lan Zhan had said, not a single thing had been touched or moved from where it sat ten years ago. Clothes strewn on the floor, the bed unmade. A couple of things really stood out to Wei Ying. His cell phone was still on the bed. A vague memory flashed through Wei Ying’s mind at the sight. He had tossed it there. He couldn’t remember why, or who he had been calling. The second thing was that the bathroom had a broken mirror that had never been replaced. Wei Ying could not remember how it had broken, but he remembered it had something to do with Yuan.

Wei Ying was too weak to help much, so after taking everything in, he sat on the bed while Lan Zhan went into the closet and moved the clothes to his own room. It was clearly very healing for Lan Zhan and Wei Ying saw how it lifted a weight off of him as he did it. It was almost like it was symbolic of the fact that Wei Ying was alive. No longer locked away and unreachable and stagnant, but here, living with Lan Zhan. 

When Lan Zhan was done, he came and sat on the bed with Wei Ying. He was watching Wei Ying closely.

“What are you thinking?” Lan Zhan eventually asked. 

Wei Ying took a slow breath. 

“I’m just… remembering something,” he answered. 

Lan Zhan tilted his head at that, and Wei Ying shook his head. 

“Not really,” he said. “It’s just flashes of things. Small pieces of the puzzle that don’t make any sense.”

“Like what?” Lan Zhan asked. “Maybe I can help.”

Wei Ying glanced at the bathroom. 

“The mirror is broken. My brain says it had something to do with Yuan. Did he break it?” 

Lan Zhan shook his head. 

“You broke it. You were upset, because Yuan referred to me as his father.” 

Wei Ying shook his head. “That’s not what I was upset about.” 

Lan Zhan frowned. “What were you upset about?” he asked. 

“I don’t know,” Wei Ying answered, laughing slightly. 

He didn’t know where that initial statement came from, it had just slipped out of his mouth. He still didn’t actually remember any of it, but somehow he knew that Lan Zhan’s version was wrong. He closed his eyes and concentrated, trying to remember. He couldn’t picture any of it, but he could remember a feeling. 

“I think…” he said slowly. “I think I felt like I was failing Yuan.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t pry any further, he just watched Wei Ying, waiting for him to take the conversation wherever he wanted it to go next. 

“My phone,” Wei Ying said next, reaching for it where it sat on the bed and running his finger along the edge. “I called someone.” 

Lan Zhan tensed in the same way that he always did whenever Wei Ying was getting too close to whatever the big secret was, but he answered anyway. 

“You called my brother,” Lan Zhan said.

Wei Ying raised his eyebrows at that. If Lan Zhan said it, it must be true, but that was a very strangely colored puzzle piece that didn’t match the picture at all. It also didn’t feel like the whole truth or what his brain was stuck on. He shook his head again. 

“Someone else,” he said. 

This time, Lan Zhan seemed to have a moment of realization, before he nodded. 

“You called your sister,” he answered, and this time, he elaborated. “I found out later. Jiang Cheng answered her phone. He didn’t recognize the number at the time, and he says you just hung up without saying anything. He has been very hard on himself for that.” 

“Why?” Wei Ying asked, confused. “If he didn’t even know it was me and I didn’t even say anything, what did he do wrong?” 

Lan Zhan shrugged, because he probably did not have deep chats with Jiang Cheng about anything over the last ten years in order to know the answer to that. But then he tried to guess anyway.

“I think Jiang Cheng regrets a lot. He has asked why you never told him you had a son. He has requested to be more involved in Yuan’s life, but I have never really let him spend much time with him. I was not sure if you would have wanted that. They only see each other when Yuan goes to Yanli’s for Thanksgiving.”

Wei Ying wasn’t sure if he wanted Jiang Cheng to be more involved or not. He didn’t remember enough to know one way or the other how he was supposed to feel about Jiang Cheng. From what Wei Ying could remember, he and Jiang Cheng were not on good terms for years. Why was this phone call the thing Jiang Cheng regretted? 

“This doesn’t make any sense to me,” Wei Ying muttered in frustration. “I don’t remember anything, but what you’re saying doesn’t sound right.” 

Lan Zhan seemed to sense his frustration, and also seemed to know what the disconnect was, because he elaborated further.

“You told him, the last time you saw him, that you wanted to kill yourself,” Lan Zhan explained, his voice wavering like he was going to break again. But then he took a deep breath and pushed forward. “I believe he blames himself for that, and he regrets that you felt the need to hang up when he answered the phone. That you did not feel comfortable enough to speak to him.” 

“When?” Wei Ying suddenly asked. 

Lan Zhan turned to look at him in confusion. 

“When did I call Yanli?” 

Lan Zhan understood now, and nodded slightly. 

“It was that morning,” he answered. “A little over an hour before… you were shot.” 

Lan Zhan still paused slightly, but he was getting better at saying it out loud. Wei Ying reached out to hold his hand. It made a lot more sense why Jiang Cheng might be so impacted by the call. Now that he knew where it fell on the timeline, he wasn’t sure if he would get an answer to the next question, but he tried anyway. 

“What was I calling Yanli about?” He paused, then added, “and your brother?” 

Lan Zhan looked away for a moment to consider his response, but did not shut down the conversation like Wei Ying thought he would. 

“I’m not sure. When I asked you why you called my brother, you said that you just wanted someone to talk to.” 

Wei Ying closed his eyes again and tried to focus on that, but he was still drawing a complete blank. 

“I am sorry,” Lan Zhan suddenly said, making Wei Ying open his eyes again and look at him questioningly. “You called them because you asked me to stay that morning and I refused. I should have stayed.” 

Wei Ying shook his head. “Lan Zhan, I was going to say sorry to you earlier and I didn’t because I knew you would tell me not to. So you’re not allowed to apologize to me either.” 

Lan Zhan sighed, but then reluctantly nodded. 

“But,” Wei Ying added, because his brain was tired of trying to remember things right now, “you do need to go and apologize to Yuan.” 

Lan Zhan looked guiltily at the floor, then nodded again. He stood up, helped Wei Ying up to his walker again, and then followed behind Wei Ying as Wei Ying hobbled back to the couch. Then Lan Zhan turned and went to knock on Yuan’s door. 

Wei Ying settled back onto the couch. He still had so many questions, but for the first time since waking up, he was starting to feel like he might eventually find the answers.

Chapter Text

After a couple more weeks, Wei Ying was building enough strength to be free of the walker. He could finally use his own two feet to walk around. He still didn’t have a ton of stamina, so whenever they went out, Lan Zhan always put the wheelchair in the car, even if Wei Ying refused to use it. 

There was only one time where Wei Ying truly could not make it through. They had gone for a walk in the park, which was a bit ambitious, and Wei Ying started really struggling halfway through. Lan Zhan offered to go back to the car for the wheelchair, but Wei Ying whined and groaned about him and Yuan being left behind on a bench, until eventually he ended up getting a piggyback ride from Lan Zhan instead, which was way more fun. 

They spent a lot of time doing things like that. “Family time” was what Lan Zhan called it. Going for walks after family dinners, board game nights, or going to a fancy tea somewhere. Lan Zhan insisted on doing things like that all the time. 

Sometimes, Yanli and Jin Ling joined. Wei Ying still found that weird. Lan Zhan and Yanli were friends. No, they were family. Yuan was clearly very close with Yanli, and Jin Ling even called Lan Zhan “uncle.” The four of them had spent ten years of holidays together, ten years of walks in the park together, ten years of simply experiencing life together. That was about as much or more time as Wei Ying had spent with Yanli before his coma. Sure, he’d technically known her for more than ten years, but he’d spent several of those years not talking to her at all.

He wasn’t jealous. He actually loved it. He loved that Yanli had been there for Lan Zhan, and vice versa, and that Yuan had such great people looking after him this whole time. Wei Ying’s favorite people in this world all got to experience the comfort of each other, and he loved that for them. 

But Wei Ying did feel kind of sad and lonely, at times. There were inside jokes he didn’t understand. Stories of Yuan’s childhood that he didn’t get to experience firsthand. So many memories that he had missed out on.

And then there was the fact that Jin Ling hated him. 

Maybe hate was the wrong word, but the kid was a brat. His attitude was a stark contrast to Yuan, who was responsible and humble and kind. 

Beyond being almost intolerable in general, Jin Ling was really rude to Wei Ying in particular. The first time Wei Ying met him, he barely even acknowledged Wei Ying, staring at his phone the entire time and looking like he wanted to be anywhere else. Wei Ying assumed he was just like that in general, until he spent more time around him and saw Jin Ling was fully capable of interacting like a normal person with other people, including Lan Zhan, who was way less fun than Wei Ying. Yet, he continued to give Wei Ying a cold shoulder every time he was dragged to visit with him, no matter how nice Wei Ying tried to be. 

Wei Ying asked Yanli about it once, but she brushed it off and said he was just being a teenager. She reminded Wei Ying that he did not have great manners at that age either. Which was true, but did not answer the question about why it was just Wei Ying that Jin Ling acted like this around. 

He almost wanted to ask Yuan, but Jin Ling was his friend and he didn’t want to put him in a weird situation, so he didn’t. He also didn’t ask Lan Zhan, mostly because he felt like he would get the same non-answer that he got from Yanli. 

So he tried to ignore it, just like he tried to ignore the sadness that kept creeping in during what were supposed to be happy moments, and just like he tried to ignore the random urges to go buy drugs again. 

That last one was the weirdest thing to deal with. He’d been off drugs for ten years! Not to mention the damage his drug dealing life had caused to everyone around him. He had no idea why any part of his brain would ever want to touch any of that again, and yet, sometimes the feeling just hit him. Usually in the middle of the night, when Lan Zhan was sleeping and Wei Ying couldn’t turn his brain off, or in other quiet moments where he didn’t have much to distract him. But it also sometimes hit him right in the middle of a family time activity, surrounded by people. It was like a buzzing under his skin that he could not turn off.

He didn’t say anything to anyone about it. It was too wrong to admit out loud. Not when he knew how much he’d fucked up everything with his drug use in the past. He couldn’t disappoint people like that. 

It seemed like Lan Zhan noticed it sometimes, though. Not that he necessarily knew what was going through Wei Ying’s head, but there were times when Wei Ying was trying to ignore these really stupid urges that Lan Zhan seemed to pick that exact moment to reach for him. To hold his hand or put a hand on his wrist or knee. 

Which was only notable because it was very unlike Lan Zhan. Almost all of their physical contact, especially public displays of affection, was initiated by Wei Ying. Wei Ying leaning on him, or shamelessly and dramatically clinging onto him. Lan Zhan always let it happen, but he did not participate. 

Except when Wei Ying was feeling that buzzing under his skin. Then, Lan Zhan was suddenly, quietly creating that physical connection between them. 

It admittedly helped, even if it made Wei Ying curious as to how he knew. Wei Ying didn’t think he was doing anything different to give himself away. Surely there was no way that Lan Zhan actually realized what he was thinking. But Lan Zhan just seemed to have constant eyes on him looking for the slightest shift in his mood. 

Beyond those small comforting gestures, or Wei Ying’s playful clinging, their relationship was frustratingly platonic. Wei Ying was no longer as much of a fall risk, so he had finally been cleared to be allowed to sleep in a normal bed without guardrails again. Which meant he was sharing Lan Zhan’s bed, and yet, nothing ever happened. He didn’t know how to fix that. Lan Zhan had said the relationship was whatever Wei Ying wanted it to be, and Wei Ying had thought he had made it perfectly clear that he wanted a relationship, but Lan Zhan wouldn’t even so much as kiss him. 

And it’s not like Wei Ying didn’t want to make that happen. The problem was, Yuan was usually around, and Lan Zhan always went to bed absurdly early (hence all the time Wei Ying spent staring at the ceiling and trying to ignore his own vices at night), and was already at work by the time Wei Ying woke up. Plus, even in the physical contact they did have, Lan Zhan was treating Wei Ying like he was made of glass. Like he thought Wei Ying was so weak and so fragile that just leaning against him a little too much might break him. 

So Wei Ying was left to suffer in the desert of this relationship. 

It was all fine. He had to be fine. Because if he wasn’t fine, then he would never convince Lan Zhan to tell him the full story behind why he got shot, and even though he couldn’t remember anything, something in his brain was telling him that it was really important. That he needed to know, because he needed to do something. 

So he smiled as much as he could during family time. Squeezed Lan Zhan’s hand and smiled harder whenever Lan Zhan noticed his mood and reached for him. Made sure to eat well. Worked hard in his physical therapy. And most definitely did not entertain the idea of trying to get in touch with the Tiger, no matter how curious he was about whether or not he could still reach him. Weirdly, of all the things that had been erased from his memory, his formulas for the Tiger’s phone number were still crystal clear. 

And he really was mostly fine. He might have moments where he was sad and grieving the ten years he’d missed, or moments where he was lonely even while surrounded by people he loved, or moments where he really wanted to do drugs. But he never did it. He wasn’t as quick to act on those urges as he had been ten years ago. He managed to talk himself out of it each time. 

So even though he knew there was some underlying stress there, he was truly not prepared for the moment it all very suddenly boiled over.

They were just walking to a tea shop. Lan Zhan, Yuan, Yanli, Jin Ling, and Wei Ying. It wasn’t far from the apartment, and Wei Ying’s doctors had encouraged him to try to walk longer distances to build some stamina, so Lan Zhan had suggested they walk a few blocks to buy some tea. It was a perfectly pleasant Saturday afternoon, and they had stopped at a corner, waiting for the crosswalk to turn. Wei Ying was playfully teasing Yuan about a school dance he had coming up, poking around about whether or not he was going to ask anyone to be his date. Yuan was blushing and refusing to answer, which meant he definitely did have a crush on someone! 

“Wei Ying, don’t tease,” Lan Zhan scolded him, but with no actual bite to it. He also had a slightly amused and curious look on his face from Yuan’s sudden embarrassment. Even Jin Ling was amused, and it felt like progress to Wei Ying that he was even being acknowledged by Jin Ling with anything other than pure annoyance. 

It all happened so fast that it was hard to comprehend. One moment they were all sharing this happy moment, and the next, the light turned green for them to cross and a car on the road started to drive through the intersection. Then the car’s engine backfired. 

And just like that, Wei Ying was not in this intersection with these people, he was at a different one and Lan Xichen was tackling him to the ground. 

From there, the memories flooded in so fast that Wei Ying couldn’t stop and focus on any single memory. It was like a movie on fast forward. Or maybe in reverse, because being shot was the last frame and then everything that led up to that moment came rushing at him. 

“Wei Ying!” 

Wei Ying blinked, and he was suddenly back in the present. Lan Zhan was gripping his arm, and everyone was staring at him. The crosswalk was turning red again, which meant they had missed their chance to cross.

Wei Ying tried to smile. He didn’t feel like it was very convincing. He didn’t feel like he could breathe. And he was suddenly very angry. He was so angry at Lan Zhan right now that he could barely look at him. Why was he so angry? 

He clenched his hand into a fist. There were children here, and Wei Ying couldn’t cause a scene in front of Yuan and Jin Ling. 

“Sorry,” he said, finally finding a grasp on his lungs again. “I don’t know what just happened,” he lied. “That car went off and my brain just went completely blank.” 

He figured it didn’t take a genius for any of them to realize what that car backfiring had triggered, so this was close enough to the truth that they’d believe it, but far enough from the truth to prevent them being able to ask him any questions.

“I don’t feel too good,” Wei Ying continued. “I think it might be better for you all to get tea without me. I need to go home.” That part wasn’t a lie. He felt shaky and nauseous all of a sudden. 

Lan Zhan looked like he was about to object and send them all home instead, but thankfully Yanli understood what he was implying. Wei Ying desperately needed her to take the children away for a bit. She nodded. 

“Can we bring you something back?” she asked. 

Wei Ying shook his head. “No, that’s okay, I…” he trailed off, not focused on the conversation at all. He just needed to get out of here, he felt like he was suffocating. 

He abruptly turned and started walking back to the apartment. 

Lan Zhan followed him, of course. Wei Ying was expecting that, but he didn’t look at him or say anything. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to think. 

He couldn’t believe he’d somehow just completely forgotten about Wen Ning. Some part of his brain had known, of course, that Wen Ning was a person who existed in the world. He remembered thinking of “the Wens” at least once while he was in the hospital. But his brain had completely blocked out giving any specific thought to him whatsoever. And nobody had mentioned him once since Wei Ying had woken up. Not Lan Zhan, not Wen Qing, not Yuan.

Lan Zhan had said that Wen Qing had conflicting emotions about Wei Ying, and that’s why she’d been staying away. Whatever happened to Wen Ning, she blamed Wei Ying for it. 

The question was, what had happened to Wen Ning? 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan pleaded with him to talk as he followed Wei Ying out of the elevator. 

But Wei Ying really had not been lying about not feeling good. He was going to be sick. He barely made it into the apartment before his stomach heaved, and he was forced to divert himself to the trash can in the kitchen.

Then, once he was sure his stomach was done betraying him, he sank to the kitchen floor, his hands trembling. 

He’d forgotten about the murders too. He’d known that there was something. Some reason why he felt like Yanli would hate him. Some reason why he felt like he was going to get arrested when he was in the hospital. 

Lan Zhan had mentioned that he’d been on an ankle monitor and that’s why he was in a confrontation with the police. How had he forgotten all of those major details?

Lan Zhan filled a glass of water and tried to hand it to him, but when Wei Ying didn’t reach for it, he placed it on the floor beside him and sat down too. 

Wei Ying wanted to ask. He needed to know. But he suddenly didn’t trust Lan Zhan at all, because he also remembered that Lan Zhan had believed Wen Ning to be the murderer, and clearly something bad had happened to Wen Ning, so Wei Ying couldn’t hear it. He couldn’t hear whatever Lan Zhan was going to say about him now. 

“Are you okay?” Lan Zhan asked tentatively. He reached out and put a hand on Wei Ying’s knee, and Wei Ying tensed and pulled his leg away.

“Don’t touch me,” Wei Ying said quietly.

All of the betrayal was coming back at once. Thanksgiving dinner, and finding out that Lan Zhan had lied about Jin Zixun. He had completely forgotten about that too, until just now when Lan Zhan touched his knee, just like he’d done at that dinner table. Lan Zhan had mentioned something, in the hospital, about how Wei Ying resented him for their breakup, but Wei Ying hadn’t remembered anything about it to know what he was talking about and had other more pressing questions at the time, so he’d ignored the comment. 

Holy fuck. How had he forgotten so many important things? 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan tried again, his voice even more nervous this time. 

“Lan Zhan, just stop talking,” Wei Ying begged, his own voice strained but harsh, because he was truly on the verge of cracking. Even now, he had more memories flooding back to him and it was beyond overwhelming. His hands were shaking violently.

Lan Zhan thankfully listened this time. He didn’t say anything or make any moves to touch Wei Ying again. He just sat there and watched Wei Ying. 

After another moment, Wei Ying took a shaky breath. 

“I really need to lay down,” he requested. 

This time, he did allow Lan Zhan to reach for him and help him up, because although he could stand up from chairs or the bed, getting up from the floor was not a move he had mastered yet, and he was way too shaky right now to try to climb his way up the kitchen counter. 

However, once he was up, he quickly let go of Lan Zhan again. He didn’t make his way to Lan Zhan’s room or the guest room, both because he couldn’t deal with the message that either of those choices would send, and because his legs were barely holding him up and he couldn’t make it that far. Instead, he walked to the couch and laid on it, curling up on his side and closing his eyes. The world felt like it was spinning.

He wasn’t in any sort of place to try to sleep, but it was effective in terms of getting Lan Zhan to stop staring at him. He knew Lan Zhan would still be keeping a close eye on him, but he could at least hear him padding around, closing the curtains and then taking out the trash. 

Then, Wei Ying actually surprisingly did fall asleep. Apparently his brain had been flooded with too much all at once, because it seemed to all of a sudden just shut down on him. 

When he woke up again, the room was completely dark and it felt late. He confirmed this when he saw through a sliver in the closed curtains that it was dark outside. Glancing around the apartment, Wei Ying saw that Lan Zhan was asleep in an armchair nearby, rather than having gone to bed in his room. 

Nighttime was the worst. It was always when Wei Ying felt the strongest urge to use drugs again, and after the day he’d had, that urge was suddenly almost unbearable. 

His cell phone was still in his pocket. He quietly shifted to pull it out.

He checked the calendar to see if it was still Saturday or if they’d crossed into Sunday. It was still Saturday, so he pulled up the most recent stock market reports and then counted the letters in each word of the headline of yesterday morning’s top news story. It wasn’t the first time he’d done this routine since waking up from his coma. He did it nearly every day. It was all so automatic, and it kind of soothed the itch, even if he never actually followed through with it. 

This time, his fingers wanted to keep going and type in what he knew would be today’s phone number for The Tiger, or at least it would have been ten years ago. But instead, he forced himself to pull up the web browser again. He typed in, “Wen Ning, New York City.” 

He found the answers he was looking for pretty immediately. There were tons of news articles on it. There were news articles on Wei Ying getting shot, too. All this time he had been starving for information, and apparently he could have just looked it all up online. 

Wen Ning had fired his attorney, entered a guilty plea to the Jin murders, and was sentenced to 20 years.

“Fuck,” Wei Ying breathed as he read it. 

That made Lan Zhan stir. Wei Ying quickly closed out his browser and put his phone down.

“Wei Ying? Are you awake?” Lan Zhan asked, still waking up but clearly already concerned. 

Wei Ying swallowed, but then forced himself to respond. 

“Yeah,” he answered. 

Lan Zhan sat up straighter in his chair and turned on the lamp beside him.

“How are you feeling?” Lan Zhan asked. 

“Is Yuan asleep?” Wei Ying asked. He was partially deflecting the question, but he also actually needed to know. 

“He is staying at Yanli’s tonight,” Lan Zhan answered. His own voice sounded laced with exhaustion and stress. 

Wei Ying was sure he’d probably scared the hell out of Lan Zhan earlier, but everything had come at him so fast and sudden that it’s not like he even had time to comprehend most of it, much less control his reaction. Now that it wasn’t all flooding him at once, he at least felt slightly more aware of the reality of the present day. 

That’s not to say he felt any better, he felt horrible. But he could at least recognize that it had been a decade since Lan Zhan lied about Jin Zixun. A decade in which Lan Zhan had raised Wei Ying’s child and never moved on from Wei Ying. And Wei Ying actually had no idea what Lan Zhan’s feelings were about Wen Ning these days, either. His anger from earlier was not rational at all.

Wei Ying sighed and laid his head back down. 

“I feel like shit,” Wei Ying finally answered. “That car…” 

“It sounded like a gunshot,” Lan Zhan replied, finishing Wei Ying’s thought, but barely grasping what had actually happened.

Wei Ying shook his head. 

“No. I mean, yeah, but…” Wei Ying struggled to find the words. “It was like it was happening again,” Wei Ying tried to explain. “Not just getting shot, but all the bad things I’ve experienced. Like… you know how they say when you’re about to die, your life flashes before your eyes? It was kind of like that, except only the worst parts of it, all in just a few seconds.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t respond to that right away. It was a lot to take in. 

“I think I understand,” Lan Zhan finally answered. “I have replayed many painful moments in my mind.”

Wei Ying shook his head again. That was kind of it, but it wasn’t. 

“I wasn’t replaying it,” Wei Ying tried to explain. “I didn’t remember any of it happening, so it was like it was all happening for the very first time, except all at once in just a few seconds. Like I was four years old and finding out my parents died, and six years old and being locked out of my foster parent’s house in the cold, and at the same time I was in high school and hearing that the Jiangs had just been murdered, and at the same time as that I was breaking up with you.” 

He still didn’t mention that he remembered Wen Ning. He still wasn’t sure he was ready to hear Lan Zhan’s thoughts on that. 

Lan Zhan frowned at what he did share, though. 

“You did not remember any of that?” he asked, sounding shocked. 

Wei Ying didn’t respond. Because now that he could remember, it sounded crazy to say he had ever forgotten so much.

“What did you remember before?” Lan Zhan asked. 

Wei Ying shrugged. “I remembered going to the zoo,” he said, laughing slightly. “I remembered the gay penguins.” Then he got serious again. “And I could remember feelings. I didn’t know where they came from. I just remembered how I felt about people.” 

He paused, then added, “...mostly.” Because he really had forgotten just how angry and betrayed he had felt at Lan Zhan towards the end. 

When Lan Zhan didn’t respond to any of that, Wei Ying decided to make another confession.

“And I never forgot the secret code to get in contact with my dealer,” he muttered. 

Lan Zhan tensed at that, and Wei Ying quickly clarified. 

“I haven’t done it,” he said. “I don’t even know if it would still work. I just… I never forgot that.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lan Zhan asked. 

Wei Ying considered playing dumb, but he knew what Lan Zhan meant by that question, and he honestly didn’t have the energy to play games. What he had shared was still enough of an admission that Lan Zhan understood that Wei Ying had been struggling with it. 

“I don’t know,” Wei Ying answered. “I just didn’t want to talk about it.” 

Lan Zhan looked devastated at that, and it was honestly that kind of reaction that had prevented Wei Ying from speaking up in the first place.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Wen Ning?” Wei Ying asked, finally choosing to open the door to that conversation. 

He saw Lan Zhan’s eyes widen slightly, but then he nodded as he accepted that Wei Ying knew that too. 

“I was afraid it would be too painful for you.”

Wei Ying nodded. 

“That’s why I didn’t tell you, too,” Wei Ying explained. “My drug addiction really hurt you, Lan Zhan. It hurt Yanli. It hurt Wen Qing. It hurt Yuan. It’s selfish for me to even think about drugs, knowing what I did to everyone I loved. I didn’t want to hurt everyone more by admitting that sometimes I want them again.” 

Lan Zhan considered that for a moment. 

“I was wrong,” he said slowly. “I should not have kept this from you. By doing so, I hurt you even more when you were suddenly blindsided by the memories.” He closed his eyes sadly for a moment, then looked back at Wei Ying. “It would hurt me more, if you were to suddenly relapse simply because you were afraid to tell me that you needed support. It…” 

Lan Zhan got slightly choked up and had to clear his throat before he continued. 

“It has hurt me, to know that you felt so alone. That you could not talk to me, ten years ago.” 

Wei Ying felt pained at the emotion in Lan Zhan’s voice. The lamp next to him was illuminating all of the hurt on his expression, putting a spotlight on all of the damage Wei Ying’s addiction had caused. 

“No more secrets, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying responded. It was a mix between a demand and a promise. A rule for both of them. 

Lan Zhan nodded. “No more secrets,” he agreed. 

Wei Ying held out his hand, reaching for Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan stood up to meet it.

“Let’s go to bed,” Wei Ying requested. 

Lan Zhan bowed his head in agreement and helped Wei Ying stand, leading them both to the bedroom and helping him into his side of the bed. 

Wei Ying thought, briefly, about how unfortunate it was that they finally had a moment where Yuan wasn’t home and Lan Zhan was awake late. Except they were both sad and hurting and miserable right now, and Wei Ying felt gross, and the mood was definitely not there. Not even a little bit. 

Besides, Wei Ying still had questions about Wen Ning. He did not want to start something with this major question up in the air. 

He did, however, want Lan Zhan close to him tonight. Even though they’d talked about it, that didn’t make the urge he was feeling to go get high dim even a little bit. And despite the promise they’d just made to stop keeping secrets from each other, he still didn’t like the idea of admitting just how bad it was tonight. 

So instead, as Lan Zhan was circling the bed to get in beside him, Wei Ying rolled over towards Lan Zhan’s side of the bed. 

“Lan Zhan!” he gasped dramatically. “How come you never told me your side of the bed was so much more comfortable than my side of the bed? You’ve been scamming me this whole time?”

Lan Zhan frowned at his antics, but then turned around to go and get in on Wei Ying’s side of the bed instead. Wei Ying rolled back over to his own side. 

“No, don’t worry about it. I will sleep on this mediocre half of the mattress while you get to sleep on a cloud,” Wei Ying pouted. 

“Wei Ying. You can have whichever side you want, but you have to pick one.” Lan Zhan sounded exhausted and not at all amused, but that only made Wei Ying smile slightly. It’d been a long time since he’d been able to annoy Lan Zhan like this. 

“Mmmm,” Wei Ying hummed, feigning like he was trying to make a decision. “I think… I pick this side,” he said decisively, rolling into the middle of the bed. He wiggled to get more comfortable. “Oh, yes, this is the very best part of the mattress.” 

Lan Zhan let out a quiet sigh, but then went back to his side and slid under the covers to join Wei Ying, which required him to lay right up against him in order to have enough room to not be at risk of falling off the bed. Then Lan Zhan shut off the light.

Wei Ying’s amusement quickly died down again in the darkness, replaced with a somber dread again. He turned onto his side, facing Lan Zhan, and wrapped himself around Lan Zhan’s arm. He wanted to apologize for all of this so badly, and he still knew that Lan Zhan would never let him.

“Thank you, Lan Zhan,” he said quietly instead. 

“For what?” Lan Zhan asked, sounding confused. 

“For taking care of Yuan. For waiting for me. For always believing in me and fighting for me, even when I wasn’t fighting for myself.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t respond right away, and when he did, his voice was thick and pained again. 

“Do not thank me,” he said. “I have many regrets.” 

It seems like Wei Ying was not alone in that. All he could hope for was that they could both learn to move on from their past and put it behind them. So he just squeezed Lan Zhan’s arm a little tighter and laid there as he listened to Lan Zhan’s breathing. 

Unlike when he completely collapsed on the couch, sleep didn’t come to Wei Ying now. His brain kept circling around Wen Ning. Was he okay? Why did he plead guilty to the murders? How was Wei Ying supposed to just sit back and let him serve ten more years?

He stared at the wall. He listened to Lan Zhan breathe. He felt empty.

Chapter Text

The next morning was tense. Even after Wei Ying had promised to be better at talking about his feelings, that didn’t seem to stop Lan Zhan from hovering and worrying about him. 

Wei Ying wasn’t doing anything that Lan Zhan needed to worry about. He hadn’t even gotten out of bed. Lan Zhan had woken up even more absurdly early than normal, getting out of bed a little before 4am. Wei Ying had just barely started to doze off when Lan Zhan rolled out from under him, and he desperately wanted to let his brain turn off, but Lan Zhan kept popping back into the bedroom every couple of minutes to check on him, which was keeping him awake. 

After about the tenth pop-in, Wei Ying groaned and sat up. 

“Lan Zhan,” he muttered, feeling exhausted. “What the hell are you doing?” 

Lan Zhan seemed to hesitate as he tried to figure out if that was an actual question or not, but then he answered anyway. 

“I would like to take you to be checked out at the hospital.” 

Wei Ying frowned in confusion and rubbed his eyes. “For what?” 

Lan Zhan didn’t answer, and eventually Wei Ying figured it must be related to him freaking out yesterday. He shook his head.

“No,” he answered. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan pleaded.

“No,” he replied firmly. “I’m fine.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t argue again, but he looked devastated by Wei Ying’s refusal, to the point where Wei Ying felt the need to prompt him to explain this.

“We said no secrets, remember?” he asked. “Just say whatever you’re thinking.” 

Lan Zhan still hesitated, but then looked down at the floor. 

“I am concerned about your mental state,” he said quietly. 

There it was. 

Yes, yesterday had been pretty rough, but they had talked about it. It had been a good conversation. Wei Ying felt like he had been open, and he had managed the situation fairly well, all things considered. He hadn’t run off to buy drugs. He had engaged in a calm, rational conversation. So why did Lan Zhan suddenly want to take him to the hospital to be evaluated? At 4:30 in the morning, no less, when all he was doing was trying to sleep?

“Lan Zhan, where is this coming from?” he asked, genuinely confused.

Lan Zhan didn’t look up to meet his gaze, but he had a dark emotion plastered all over his face. 

“I do not want you to try to hurt yourself.”

Wei Ying’s eyes widened. He was pretty sure their conversation last night had not gone there at all.

“Why would you say something like that?” Wei Ying asked. 

Lan Zhan seemed to be struggling for words. He had the same look on his face that he’d had when Wei Ying requested that he open the guest room door. The look that meant Lan Zhan wasn’t fully focused on the present, he was still stuck ten years in the past. Suddenly Wei Ying remembered what Lan Zhan had said about Jiang Cheng, and how Wei Ying had apparently said he wanted to kill himself. He still didn’t have an actual memory of that, so maybe not all of his memories had returned.  

Then, another memory flashed in his own mind. It wasn’t a full memory, just a snapshot. Lan Xichen talking to him while he was handcuffed in the back of the police car. Wei Ying couldn’t remember the conversation, but he somehow knew it was related to this.

“What did your brother say to me, in the back of his cruiser?” Wei Ying suddenly asked, hoping Lan Zhan could fill in the blank. 

But Lan Zhan sagged into even more misery at the question.

“I do not know,” he answered. “I have not spoken to him since that day.” 

Wei Ying raised his eyebrows at that. 

“At all?” he asked in shock. He had already gathered that Lan Zhan was estranged from his brother based on the fact that Yuan had no idea who he was, but ten years was a long time to not speak to him at all. 

“I filed a restraining order,” Lan Zhan replied, as though that answered anything rather than just giving Wei Ying more questions. 

Wei Ying sighed. They were getting off track and that was a conversation for another time. 

He knew Lan Zhan was asking for this from a place of his own trauma, but Wei Ying was also hurt by it. He had really tried last night. He had tried to be understanding, and level-headed, despite the anger he felt at remembering everything Lan Zhan had done. Even then, he had tried to be open with Lan Zhan, being honest about how he had been struggling. He had really fucking tried, and Lan Zhan was reacting to that by acting like he needed to be institutionalized.

“I’m not going to let some shrink evaluate me,” Wei Ying said firmly. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan pleaded.

“No.” 

Lan Zhan just stared at him. Wei Ying stared back. 

“You are angry with me,” Lan Zhan finally stated, almost like a question but not quite.

“Yeah,” Wei Ying answered anyway. “It’s four in the morning. I wasn’t doing anything besides trying to sleep. I don’t understand why you’re asking for this right now. If this is because I told you that I have been thinking about drugs, then forget I ever said anything. I shouldn’t have said it if you’re going to try to take me to the fucking hospital over it.” 

Lan Zhan took a shaky breath as Wei Ying’s frustration spilled over, but then he nodded in acceptance of Wei Ying’s reaction.

“It is not because of that,” he answered, coming to sit hesitantly on the edge of the bed. 

“Then why?” Wei Ying demanded. 

“I -” Lan Zhan’s voice caught in his throat, but he swallowed and forced himself to try again. “The last time that I told you about Wen Ning, you tried to end your life. You intentionally provoked the police until you were shot. I have been very afraid of how you might react to finding out again.” 

Wei Ying could understand the logic, even if Lan Zhan was wrong. His memory was still fuzzy at best, but he felt like that wasn’t exactly what happened. Still, it didn’t matter.

“Lan Zhan,” he sighed. “I can’t promise you I’ll be perfect and make healthy choices all the time, I’ve still got my shit, but I’m not who I was ten years ago. I need you to be here with me now.” 

Lan Zhan seemed to struggle with that idea, but he reached out and squeezed Wei Ying’s hand. 

“I will try,” he promised. 

Wei Ying nodded. That was all he could ask for. 

“Will you talk to Wen Qing?” Lan Zhan suddenly requested. 

Wei Ying had to close his eyes and take a breath to find his patience. So much for thinking they had resolved this. Lan Zhan was so stubborn sometimes. 

Wei Ying really wasn’t sure why he was asking that, either. Wasn’t Wen Qing supposed to stay away from him? Plus, she was a surgeon, not a psychiatrist. So what was Lan Zhan trying to accomplish? 

Still, if it would make Lan Zhan feel better, Wei Ying would do it. Maybe Wen Qing could help answer some of his questions about Wen Ning, now that his memory was back. 

“Fine,” Wei Ying answered. “But why are you awake and panicking right now? Can’t this wait?” 

“I need to go and get Yuan soon,” he answered. “But I also do not want to leave you here alone.” 

“At four-thirty in the morning?” Wei Ying asked in disbelief. “Why do you need to get him now?” 

Lan Zhan stared at him like he was the one who was crazy for asking. 

“It will take me 40 minutes to get to Yanli’s place, and he will need to come home and change before yoga class.” 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes. Some things really had not changed at all. 

“It’s a Sunday. Can’t you let him have one morning where you just let him sleep in?” Wei Ying asked.

Lan Zhan glared at him. 

“Yuan values our morning yoga. Consistency is important to build and maintain trust with teenagers.” 

Lan Zhan recited this like he had read it out of some book about parenting. Which, knowing Lan Zhan, he probably had. 

Wei Ying raised his eyebrows at that, but then decided to leave it alone. 

“Well, that certainly sounds like a conundrum for you, Lan Zhan,” he answered sarcastically, because he already knew what Lan Zhan was about to suggest and there was no way in hell.

“I want you to join us for yoga,” Lan Zhan said anyway. 

“No.” 

“Wei Ying -” 

“No. I’m going back to bed,” Wei Ying answered, laying down on the bed to prove it. “You can sleep in with me, or you can go do yoga with Yuan, that’s up to you. But I’m staying here.” 

Lan Zhan looked like he was actually physically being torn in two and Wei Ying couldn’t help but smile slightly at just how much he clearly valued his yoga with Yuan for this to be such a hard decision for him. Despite everything else, Wei Ying was still so grateful for Lan Zhan’s commitment to Yuan.

“Lan Zhan, go to yoga,” he said with a laugh. “I’ll be okay, I promise.” 

Lan Zhan still did not look at all convinced. Wei Ying sighed. 

“Okay, look,” he said, reaching for his phone and video calling Lan Zhan’s phone. Lan Zhan frowned in confusion, but pulled his own phone out of his pocket to answer. 

“I’m going to set this up right here,” Wei Ying explained, plugging in and then propping his phone up so the camera faced the bed. “You can watch me sleep if it makes you feel any better.” 

Lan Zhan seemed to relax slightly at the idea. 

“You will ask me to come home if you need anything?” Lan Zhan asked hesitantly. 

Wei Ying nodded. “I promise.” 

With that, Lan Zhan finally relented and left. 

Wei Ying really did lay down and finally fall asleep after that. It was an anxiety-ridden, nightmare-fueled sleep, though. Unlike when he had completely passed out shortly after getting his memories back, this time it was fitful, and filled with stressful dreams about Wen Ning. 

By the time he woke up again, it was late afternoon. He glanced at his phone. The video call was still connected. Was Lan Zhan still not home? Lan Zhan didn’t have his own camera on, so Wei Ying couldn’t tell where he was. 

“Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying said into the phone.

No answer. Maybe Lan Zhan had the call muted, if he was out in public somewhere. It functioned as a one-way baby monitor, nothing more. Wei Ying rolled onto his back and sighed. 

He desperately needed a shower, but he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to end the call. He smirked at the thought of Lan Zhan out in public and randomly deciding to check on Wei Ying and seeing him naked instead. Maybe that would solve this drought of a relationship. 

So he did it. 

He grabbed his phone and carried it into the bathroom with him, propping it up on the sink with the camera facing the clear shower doors. Then he turned on the water, got undressed, and got in. 

It wasn’t as alluring as he wanted it to be. Although Wei Ying was walking completely normally and could mostly get around fine now, and he was building more and more stamina every day, he still had to sit in a chair to shower. Otherwise, the combination of standing too long under the hot water and twisting and turning to try to navigate the small space sapped most of his energy for the day. 

Plus, he was suddenly hyperware of just how scrawny he was. He had always been thin, and even more so once he moved out of the Jiangs and was mostly surviving on cans of vegetables, but he used to have some good muscle tone. Whereas, it turns out that if you let your muscles atrophy for ten years, your body doesn’t look so hot after you wake up. He was frail and flabby. No wonder Lan Zhan didn’t seem to want him. Lan Zhan was in great shape. He had all those hot yoga muscles and Wei Ying was a skeleton. 

If Lan Zhan even saw the shower cam, he didn’t say anything. Which was probably for the best, because Wei Ying got out feeling more insecure and embarrassed than anything else. It’s not like Lan Zhan hadn’t already seen him like this. Before Wei Ying could walk, Lan Zhan had been the one helping him with everything, including bathing and getting dressed. But none of that was at all sexy, and Wei Ying suddenly missed feeling attractive.  He really needed to start using the fancy gym in Lan Zhan’s building. 

It was a stupid thing to be caring about right now, in the grand scheme of things. He was alive, when according to the doctors he shouldn’t be. He should just be grateful for that. 

Once he was dressed, he carried his phone to the kitchen with him to hunt down some food. He heated up some leftovers and ate a few bites, but he wasn’t really hungry and ended up putting half of it away again. 

Just as he was closing the fridge, someone knocked on the door. Wei Ying felt his whole body freeze. 

They didn’t really get unannounced visitors here. The only people that ever came over were Yanli or Yuan’s friends. Who was showing up now, and why did it have to be while Wei Ying was alone? Now that he remembered all the suspicious circumstances that led to him getting shot, he felt terrified of who might be at the door. Cops? Xue Yang? Jiang Cheng? 

Oh god, it better not be Jiang Cheng.

He tentatively walked to the door to peer through the hole, and then relaxed. It was just Wen Qing. Apparently, Lan Zhan had taken Wei Ying’s willingness to talk to her as an agreement to send her over the same day.

He glanced at his phone again, then decided this meant it was time for his little livestream to be over. He ended the video call and sent Lan Zhan a text. 

Wen Qing is here so I’m hanging up now.

Then he somewhat reluctantly opened the door. 

“Hey,” Wen Qing muttered. 

She looked about as excited to be here as Wei Ying was to have her here. Not because Wei Ying didn’t want to see her, but because he knew she was only here to medically clear him after the horror of everything that had happened yesterday, and he didn’t really want to talk about that.

Still, Wei Ying smiled and opened the door wider with a dramatic flourish. He did need to convince her that he was fine, after all. 

She was not at all amused, and simply walked in and instructed him to sit on the couch. 

“Lan Zhan says you got your memories back,” she said, her tone professional and a little bit intimidating, as she pulled out a small flashlight and shined it directly in Wei Ying’s eyes. 

Wei Ying flinched at the bright light and squinted. 

“Wen Qing, what the hell,” Wei Ying muttered. “Some warning would be nice.” 

“That can put a lot of stress on your recovering brain. Any neurological symptoms?” Wen Qing asked, ignoring his whining. 

“No?” Wei Ying answered. “I don’t think so. My brain is working just fine, thanks.” 

“How’s your mood? Any increased agitation? Anxiety? Depression?” 

Wei Ying opened his mouth to give some snarky response, but then hesitated. Wen Qing’s questions were clipped. Formal. Lan Zhan had mentioned that she was angry with Wei Ying, and now Wei Ying could see the wall she was putting up. She was not here as a friend, she was here as a doctor, and she was not asking these questions because she actually cared to know. It also meant she probably didn’t want to hear Wei Ying’s sarcastic quips and she definitely was not going to want to answer questions about Wen Ning.

“I’m fine,” Wei Ying answered instead.

Wen Qing, of course, was no idiot. She might be guarding her own thoughts from Wei Ying, but she could still read him like a book. She noticed the sudden shut down, and she raised a skeptical eyebrow at it. 

“Wei Ying,” Wen Qing sighed. She sounded exhausted, like she didn’t have it in her to fight with him. “Just tell me.” 

“I’m fine,” Wei Ying insisted. “I slept, I showered, I ate. I get why Lan Zhan is worried, but I’m fine.” 

“You’re never just fine,” Wen Qing pushed back. 

Wei Ying didn’t know what to say to that. What was that even supposed to mean? Whatever Wen Qing meant by it, Wei Ying honestly felt kind of hurt.

“It’s been ten years,” Wei Ying responded bitterly. “Maybe you just don’t know me anymore.” 

Wen Qing ignored the bait. 

“Lan Zhan says you’re thinking about calling your dealer,” she challenged. 

Wei Ying narrowed his eyes at her. Why the fuck was Lan Zhan sharing that information? That was shared in confidence. Apparently that was something that hadn’t changed over the last ten years. The two of them always loved to talk about him behind his back, like he was their problem child. He was tired of it.

“That’s not what I said,” Wei Ying answered coldly. “I said I remembered my dealer’s number. Not that I was going to call him. And it’s none of your fucking business.” 

Wen Qing seemed to realize she had really hit a nerve, because for the first time since she had arrived, she finally softened a bit.

“Wei Ying, I’m not trying to accuse you of anything,” she said gently. “I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay.” 

“I told you already. I’m fine,” Wei Ying repeated. 

Wen Qing just stared at him. Wei Ying really didn’t know what else she wanted from him. He was honestly just trying to be respectful of her by not bringing it up. 

“Do you really want to talk about it?” Wei Ying finally challenged her. 

It was clear she knew what he was referring to, because a flash of panic went through her eyes before she quickly recomposed herself. 

“No,” she admitted. “But Lan Zhan thinks you might not be willing to trust any other doctor, and if you really need to talk about something, I will listen.” 

Wei Ying nodded. He took a slow breath before responding, his own tone less hostile as well.

“Of course I’m not okay, Wen Qing. But for the purposes of this conversation, I am fine. If you’re asking about my brain function, it’s fine. If you’re asking me about my mental state, I’m not suicidal and I’m not about to call my dealer. Do you have any other questions?” 

Wen Qing studied him for a moment, as if trying to decide if he was telling the truth or not.

“No,” she finally responded. 

“Great,” Wei Ying answered in a hollow tone. “Thanks for stopping by.” 

The tension between them was thick, and Wei Ying knew they could both feel it, but Wen Qing just nodded and stood up, leaving the apartment without saying anything else. The door closed behind her with a firm thud. 

Wei Ying exhaled a shaky breath. He was not fine. He was putting on a show for Lan Zhan and faking it for Wen Qing, but he had been losing his mind since the moment those memories came back to him last night. 

For everyone else, these were just that. Memories. That’s not to say it wasn’t painful for them too. Wei Ying understood Wen Qing’s anger. He understood Lan Zhan’s trauma. But they’d had ten years to grieve and cope and process all of this. For Wei Ying, this had just happened. 

It didn’t help that by having to face Wen Qing and dance around the subject, it was all right there swirling around in his brain. 

He was itching for something. He was going crazy in this apartment. Suddenly he felt like it was his cage again, just like it had been when he was on that ankle monitor. He didn’t want to call Lan Zhan. He didn’t want to call Yanli. He didn’t want to have to keep faking his smile to make other people stop worrying about him. 

Wei Ying took his cell phone and put it on the kitchen counter. He knew that what he was about to do was going to make Lan Zhan lose his shit. But leaving his phone behind was actually an act of self-preservation. If he didn’t have his phone on him, there was far less trouble he could get himself into. For example, he simply wouldn’t be able to give in to the impulse of trying to figure out if he could still get in touch with the Tiger. 

Still, he couldn’t just disappear on Lan Zhan. That would be cruel, no matter how frustrated Wei Ying was with him right now. 

So before he left, he wrote Lan Zhan a note and left it on the kitchen counter too. 

Lan Zhan,
I went for a walk. I’ll stay out of trouble and be back soon, I promise. No need to send a search party.
Wei Ying

It probably wasn’t going to work. Lan Zhan was going to panic anyway. But Wei Ying really was just going for a walk. He needed to clear his head. And besides, that’s something they really needed to work on - teaching Lan Zhan to let Wei Ying off this tight leash he currently had him on. 

He didn’t pay much attention to where he was going as he walked. He just let his feet carry him. 

That was a terrible idea, because he ended up on the subway at some point, and then found himself in his old neighborhood in the Bronx, which was filled with way too much nostalgia. Wen Qing probably didn’t live here anymore. Not on her surgeon salary. But the place was filled with memories of living with the Wens. Like the little bookstore on the corner with the cashier that would sometimes give Yuan free children’s books. Or the diner Wei Ying used to work at. Or the park that Wen Ning loved taking Yuan to. 

Why the fuck did Wen Ning confess? Why did he throw his whole life away for a crime he didn’t commit? Why didn’t he even try to fight? 

Then, somehow, Wei Ying found himself at another favorite spot. His favorite bar. His hand was on the door handle before he even realized where he was.

The place was a hole in the wall, but not a dump. Wei Ying had liked it for its weird combination of bright colors but zen vibes. The walls were bright purple. Plants hung from every corner. There was a waterfall going down one wall. It was a lowkey place to grab a drink alone on a bad day. 

Today was definitely a bad day. 

Before Wei Ying could actually decide whether or not he was allowed to drink these days, or if that was violating some sort of unspoken rule, his attention was pulled by someone speaking to him.

“Holy shit. It’s Wei Ying.” 

Wei Ying turned his head in the direction of the voice, surprised that someone here would recognize him after ten years, and then even more surprised to see who it was. 

“Nie Huaisang?” Wei Ying asked in shock. Forget ten years. Wei Ying hadn’t seen him since high school. 

Huaisang grinned and then waved him over. He was sitting at a table by himself with a glass of whiskey and an open file of papers in front of him. Wei Ying walked over and sat across from him at the table.

“What the fuck, dude. Last I heard, you were dead,” Huaisang said, closing his file and scrutinizing Wei Ying. “Am I seeing ghosts now?”

Wei Ying shrugged. “Apparently I can resurrect myself,” he answered dully.

“Hm. You’ll have to teach me that trick,” Huaisang answered with another grin. “Let me buy you a drink. What are you having?” 

“Oh,” Wei Ying answered. “Uh…”  he hesitated. It was so much easier to break ten years of sobriety alone. Sitting here in front of an old friend made it feel like a much worse idea. He was just supposed to be taking a walk. He had promised Lan Zhan. 

“Nothing,” Wei Ying finally muttered. “I don’t drink anymore.” 

Nie Huaisang tilted his head at that answer. 

“Are you meeting someone here?” he asked curiously.

“No,” Wei Ying answered, even though he already knew what was coming. Nie Huaisang had always been way too perceptive.

“So you came to a bar alone to not drink?” Huaisang asked skeptically.

Wei Ying just stared at him. He didn’t really want to answer that, and he knew Huaisang already knew the answer anyway. 

Huaisang smirked slightly. “Wei Ying, you really haven’t changed much have you?” 

“What are you reading?” Wei Ying nodded his head to Huaisang’s file to deflect the conversation.

“Oh, nothing,” Nie Huaisang answered, grabbing the file and shoving it into a briefcase beside him. “Just work stuff.” 

“Where do you work?” Wei Ying asked curiously. 

“At the public defender’s office,” Nie Huaisang answered.

“Huh,” Wei Ying said as he leaned back and studied Nie Huaisang, both surprised and impressed. “So you actually did it. You went to law school after all.” 

Nie Huaisang laughed. “Hell no,” he answered, shaking his head. “Could you imagine? No, much to my brother’s extreme disappointment, I’m just a lowly file clerk.” 

Wei Ying raised an eyebrow at that. 

“What kind of file clerk brings files out to a bar to read them?” Wei Ying asked.

Nie Huaisang just gave him a mischievous smile. One that told Wei Ying that he was probably not supposed to have that file at all. Nie Huaisang had always been a bit devious and involved in shady things. It’s why they were friends in high school. Wei Ying didn’t ask any more questions about it, because he was sure he didn’t want to know. 

“The public defender’s office… So you work for people accused of crimes?” Wei Ying asked instead. 

“Tell me you didn’t just ask me that,” Nie Huaisang replied at the stupid question.

Wei Ying rolled his eyes, but fidgeted slightly. 

“Why do you ask?” Nie Huaisang asked, sounding more intrigued as soon as he realized that Wei Ying was uncomfortable. He looked around the bar, then leaned in slightly and lowered his voice with a conspiratorial smile. “What did you do this time, Wei Ying?”  

Wei Ying shrugged. He didn’t know Nie Huaisang. Not really. He knew him back in high school, when they used to play pranks on Lan Qiren together. But he did not know him well enough to know if he was trustworthy now.

“Nothing, I just… why do you think someone might confess to a crime they didn’t commit?” Wei Ying asked. 

Nie Huaisang frowned slightly at the question, but then shrugged. 

“I don’t know,” he answered. “We get a lot more guilty people insisting they’re innocent than we do innocent people insisting they’re guilty.”

That wasn’t helpful. Wei Ying stared at him in annoyance, until Huaisang finally tried to actually answer the question.

 “Maybe they were bribed? Or the evidence was still good enough to convict them, and the plea deal was a better gamble,” he answered. “Our justice system isn’t very good at getting to the truth, after all.” 

“Your brother would disagree,” Wei Ying pointed out. “Isn’t he a prosecutor?” 

“He’s actually a judge now,” Nie Huaisang said, sounding bored at that fact. 

Wei Ying was not actually surprised to hear that. Nie Mingjue had always been obsessed with criminal justice and constitutional law. Wei Ying didn’t know Mingjue very well, but he did learn from hanging out with Lan Zhan in high school that Mingjue and Lan Xichen had actually been roommates and both studied criminal justice at the same university. Then Xichen had gone to the police academy and Mingjue had gone to law school. 

“Your attorney usually negotiates a plea deal, though,” Wei Ying said. “So why would someone fire their attorney before entering a plea?” 

Nie Huaisang looked confused for a second, but then a look of realization crossed his face. 

“You think Wen Ning is innocent,” he said, immediately guessing what Wei Ying was referring to. 

“I know he is,” Wei Ying answered flatly. There was no point denying that’s who he was talking about. Wei Ying had just learned through his own online research that Wen Ning’s confession had been all over the news ten years ago, and it wasn’t hard for Nie Huaisang to remember who Wei Ying ran with back then. 

“Interesting,” Nie Huaisang said, considering Wei Ying for a moment with a curious glint in his eye. Then he added, “That makes sense, actually.” 

“How so?” Wei Ying asked.

“Attorneys aren’t allowed to lie,” he answered. “If he was innocent, and told his attorney that he wanted to confess anyway, his attorney wouldn’t be allowed to let him do that. He’d have to fire his attorney to knowingly enter a dishonest plea.” 

“But why would he do that?” Wei Ying pushed. 

“You’d have to ask Wen Ning,” Huaisang said with a shrug.

Wei Ying clenched his jaw in frustration. There was only one reason he could think of that Wen Ning would do that, and he didn’t want that to be the answer. Because that would mean Wen Ning had thrown twenty years of his life away just to protect Wei Ying, which he never should have done. Especially because Wei Ying had immediately wasted that by throwing ten years of his own life away too. No wonder Wen Qing hated him.

Wei Ying glanced at the bar. He really wanted a fucking drink.

Nie Huaisang followed his gaze, then stood up. 

“Let’s get out of here,” he suggested. “Come hang out at my place. I want to hear more about this resurrection of yours.” 

Wei Ying hesitated, still staring at the bar, but then took a breath and nodded. If nothing else, Nie Huaisang was always good for gossip, and Wei Ying felt like he would be a lot more forthcoming about all the things Wei Ying had missed over the past ten years than Lan Zhan and Yanli had been. 

Nie Huaisang made them tea at his house, and then they sat on his couch. There was a lot to catch up on. Mostly Nie Huaisang talked about his own life over the past decade. He shared how disappointed his brother was in him because he’d studied history in college, which of course couldn’t get him a job in the real world, and he didn’t study hard enough to get into grad school or law school, so eventually Nie Mingjue had used some of his connections to get him this file clerk job. He found it mundane and boring but the pay was decent.

Wei Ying didn’t mind listening to him ramble. It was actually nice to have the distraction. 

At some point, the conversation shifted to Lan Xichen. Wei Ying wasn’t sure how they had gotten on that topic, but it was exactly the kind of gossip he had been hoping for. Except, according to Huaisang, the rumor was that Lan Xichen stopped talking to Lan Zhan after Lan Zhan revealed that he was married to Wei Ying, but Nie Huaisang didn’t really believe that. Wei Ying, of course, already knew that none of that was true. 

“We’re not actually married,” Wei Ying shared. “He lied to the doctors when I got shot, so they would talk to him.” 

Nie Huaisang smirked at that, and then there was a knowing glint in his eye as he looked back at Wei Ying. 

“But you are together, right? What’s the real story between you two?” he asked. 

“I wish I fucking knew,” Wei Ying sighed.

So that’s how they got on the topic of his relationship with Lan Zhan, and suddenly it was Wei Ying’s turn to ramble. It turned out, there were a lot of pent up feelings to talk about when it came to that subject, and that was even with Wei Ying intentionally leaving out all of the memories from ten years ago that had suddenly come flooding back and confused everything. 

Even just in the present day, Wei Ying had not realized just how frustrated he was by his relationship until he started talking about it. He shared how Lan Zhan had said it was up to him what the relationship was, but then when Wei Ying chose to move back in and sleep in Lan Zhan’s bed, there was still no physical intimacy whatsoever. He also talked about the incredibly short leash that Lan Zhan kept him on, always anxious and panicked about Wei Ying’s every move, and how Lan Zhan was acting more like his parent than his boyfriend. Then he found himself complaining about how Lan Zhan was sharing things with others. Things that Wei Ying had shared with the expectation of it remaining private. 

Apparently, Wei Ying was even angrier about that then he’d let himself be in front of Wen Qing, because as he described it to Nie Huaisang, he found himself getting extremely upset about it. 

“So talk to him about it,” Nie Huaisang said, as though that was an easy solution. 

Wei Ying scoffed. Lan Zhan didn’t ever talk, that was part of the problem. Getting him to actually communicate anything was like pulling teeth. 

“I can’t,” Wei Ying answered. 

“Why not?”

“Because he adopted my son and spent ten years grieving over me,” Wei Ying muttered bitterly. 

“So… what? You can never have any opinions again?” Nie Huaisang asked sarcastically. 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes. 

“When have you ever known me to not have opinions?” he pointed out. 

Nie Huaisang shrugged. “The Wei Ying I knew was never afraid to stand up for himself against a Lan,” he replied. 

Wei Ying almost took the bait, but then he sighed in defeat. 

“I’m in love with him,” Wei Ying said quietly, a tear suddenly rolling down his cheek. 

“Then go home and tell him that,” Nie Huaisang said gently. Then he quickly decided this conversation was too serious for him, and his demeanor shifted. “What are you doing with little old me when you have the hottest man in the world waiting for you at home?” 

Wei Ying did not feel particularly reassured, but at the comment, he did glance at the clock on Huaisang’s stove. Then his eyes widened. 

They had been talking for hours. It was after 10pm. Lan Zhan was really going to freak out that he had been gone this long. 

Reluctantly, Wei Ying said goodbye to Nie Huaisang and made his way back through the city. He decided to hail a cab, rather than navigate the Bronx at night. Lan Zhan had insisted on giving Wei Ying a credit card that was connected to Lan Zhan’s bank account, for emergencies, and Wei Ying figured he probably wouldn’t mind paying the cab fare. 

It still took half an hour to get all the way back to Lan Zhan’s neighborhood. Wei Ying spent the entire ride ruminating on all of the things he’d talked to Nie Huaisang about. His mind bounced back and forth from thinking about Wen Ning and Wen Qing to spinning with all of his feelings about Lan Zhan. 

He wasn’t in any calmer of a headspace by the time he got home than he had been when he left. He was buzzing with anxiety and felt like he was on the verge of falling apart. But he walked up to the front door and took a breath, knowing that he was going to have to face Lan Zhan’s panic and questions as soon as he stepped inside. 

Or so he thought. He walked in and the living room was dark and empty. He removed his shoes at the door, then tip-toed further inside. He almost felt like he was fifteen again, sneaking in after being out past curfew.

He found Lan Zhan in the bedroom. Awake, but just reading. He didn’t even glance up as Wei Ying entered. 

“Hey,” Wei Ying said tentatively. 

“Hello,” Lan Zhan replied, still reading his book.

This was… weird. Was Lan Zhan angry? Or was he really just not phased by the fact that Wei Ying had disappeared all afternoon and evening? Just this morning, he had been trying to hospitalize Wei Ying and now he didn’t seem to have any reaction at all to the fact that Wei Ying had been missing for hours.

Whatever it was, it really sucked. It felt exactly like it had all those years ago, when Lan Zhan had shut him out. Back then, they had talked through it, eventually. Lan Zhan thought his feelings were unrequited and wanted boundaries. Wei Ying apparently had abandonment issues. Even though the problem was different this time, Wei Ying felt exactly the same. Like he was disappointing Lan Zhan. 

But Wei Ying was not going to push it. He was not in any sort of head space to have an argument right now, so if Lan Zhan didn’t want to talk about it, Wei Ying would take the free pass for the night. He quietly changed into some sleeping clothes and slid into bed next to Lan Zhan. 

Lan Zhan finally looked up from his book to glance at him. Then, Lan Zhan did a double take. 

“Wei Ying,” he said softly, putting his book on the nightstand and reaching out to take Wei Ying’s hand. 

Wei Ying glanced down at where their hands were, and it was only then that he realized he was trembling. 

Despite Nie Huaisang’s advice, Wei Ying did not feel like he could talk to Lan Zhan. There was just… too much. Between the suddenly fresh memories of everything that had happened ten years ago and the realizations he’d had tonight about their relationship in the present day, he couldn’t sort through it all and have any sort of rational conversation with Lan Zhan tonight. 

He pulled his hand away. 

“Goodnight Lan Zhan,” he muttered, laying down and turning his back to Lan Zhan. 

He could feel Lan Zhan hesitate, could sense the tension in the room, but then the light in the room switched off. 

“Good night, Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan whispered into the dark.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying woke up to find Lan Zhan sitting in bed, watching him and apparently just waiting for him to open his eyes so that they could talk about last night. He glanced at Lan Zhan, then quickly rolled over again to avoid him. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said firmly, clearly not amused. 

Wei Ying sighed, then reluctantly rolled onto his back and sat up, resigning himself to a conversation.

“Where’s Yuan? Why aren't you at yoga?” Wei Ying asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

He did have a reason for asking the question. He wanted to make sure Yuan was not going to overhear any of this impending drama. But he didn’t think Lan Zhan would actually let Wei Ying distract him from the conversation he clearly wanted to have. Except Lan Zhan seemed to decide to indulge it.

“He wanted to stay another night at Yanli’s,” Lan Zhan said. “He and Jin Ling had a class project they needed to finish for today.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure they did,” Wei Ying said sarcastically. 

If it was just Yuan, Wei Ying would probably believe the story. But he had spent enough time with Jin Ling to know that there was no way that kid would spend his weekend working late on a school project. The two of them were probably playing video games (something that Wei Ying had learned was forbidden in Lan Zhan’s home, and yet, Yuan sure seemed to know a lot about them) or doing something else mildly rebellious. Wei Ying knew that at Yanli’s home, she would try her best to keep them out of any real trouble, but would turn a blind eye to harmless rule-breaking. He knew because that’s exactly how she had been with Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng when they were raised by a strict Madam Yu.

Lan Zhan didn’t appear to know that, though. Instead, he unexpectedly got very defensive at Wei Ying’s comment.

“I adopted Yuan because I wanted him to have the best life possible. I was not trying to take him from you. I would have much rather raised him alongside you. I did not have that choice. I understand that it might hurt to see the relationship we have now, but it is not fair for you to hold that against me or to resent Yuan for it,” Lan Zhan snapped.

That was probably the most consecutive words Wei Ying had ever heard Lan Zhan say, and they were so misguided that Wei Ying didn’t even know what to say in response. 

“I don’t resent Yuan. What the fuck.”

“What, then?” Lan Zhan snapped. “Why are you mad at him?” 

“Lan Zhan, I’m not mad at Yuan,” Wei Ying repeated in exasperation. Then he took a breath to calm himself down, because this was truly the stupidest thing to be fighting about. “I didn’t mean anything by my comment just now. I was just making fun of you, because Yuan definitely spent the night at Yanli’s last night so that he and Jin Ling could stay up late playing video games.” 

Lan Zhan frowned deeply at that, as if the information did not make sense at all. 

“Video games?” he repeated in disbelief. “Yanli knows that is not permitted, and that bedtime is at 9.” 

Wei Ying laughed slightly.

“I used to get in trouble a lot as a kid,” Wei Ying explained to Lan Zhan. “Madam Yu was very strict, and when I misbehaved, I was sent to my room without dinner. Yanli would catch me sneaking into the kitchen after everyone had gone to bed, so she started buying my favorite snacks and hiding them in her room for me.” 

“That is wrong,” Lan Zhan said, sounding horrified. “You do not punish a child by withholding food.” 

Wei Ying rolled his eyes. “That’s not the point,” Wei Ying replied. “What I mean is, Yanli is too gentle to enforce strict rules. If Yuan stays at her house, she’s going to feed him treats that he doesn’t get to eat here and she’s going to let him play video games and she’s going to let him stay up late.” 

“And,” Wei Ying suddenly added, because Lan Zhan looked like he was about to have a stroke hearing this, “you’re going to let her do it. Yuan is a really good kid, Lan Zhan. Playing some games with his friend won’t hurt anyone, and letting him feel a little bit rebellious will keep him out of any real trouble.” 

“That didn’t work for you,” Lan Zhan pointed out bluntly. 

Wei Ying smirked. 

“No, I was already too troubled before I ever even met the Jiangs,” he answered. “But it worked for Jiang Cheng.” 

“You think I am too strict with Yuan?” Lan Zhan asked nervously. “I have tried not to be. I have never had to be. He has always been naturally responsible.”

Wei Ying shook his head. “Yuan respects you a lot,” he answered. “You are a great dad. I just think it’s good for Yuan to have a safe place in Yanli. Kids need that. They don’t always feel comfortable telling their parents everything, and teenagers need some space to rebel. I remember somebody used to keep a rabbit under their bed.” 

Lan Zhan slowly nodded as he took all of this in. Then he seemed to finally realize what Wei Ying was doing, because he suddenly tensed and snapped his gaze back to Wei Ying, then switched gears. 

“Wei Ying,” he said in a voice that was far too serious for Wei Ying’s liking. “We need to talk.” 

Wei Ying’s stomach knotted, but he knew there was no getting out of this conversation any longer. He reluctantly nodded.

“Where were you last night?” Lan Zhan asked. 

The way he asked it, Wei Ying knew what the real question was.

“I didn’t do anything,” Wei Ying muttered. “I was just talking to a friend.” 

“What friend?” Lan Zhan asked skeptically. 

Wei Ying’s gut reaction was anger. He was frustrated that Lan Zhan didn’t believe him, and frustrated that Lan Zhan was demanding to know his whereabouts. But he knew that lashing out about it would only make Lan Zhan even more suspicious. So he just answered. 

“Nie Huaisang.”

Lan Zhan stared at him, probably trying to decide if Wei Ying was being honest or not. Wei Ying stared back at him, and then quirked one eyebrow up at the intense, challenging gaze.

“You can call him and ask him if you want,” Wei Ying offered. 

Lan Zhan bristled at that idea. “No thank you,” he responded curtly. 

Lan Zhan had always hated Wei Ying’s friendship with Nie Huaisang back in high school. Wei Ying never really understood the animosity. Nie Huaisang had been a prankster, but harmless at the end of the day. Wei Ying had gotten himself in far more serious trouble than Huaisang ever did. Still, Lan Zhan’s thoughts on Huaisang didn’t seem to have warmed at all over the years. 

Wei Ying just shrugged. If Lan Zhan didn’t want to believe him and didn’t want to try to confirm it either, there was nothing he could do about it. He really was so tired of arguing.

It seemed like Lan Zhan was waiting for him to say something else, because a silence fell over the room. However, when Wei Ying didn’t speak, Lan Zhan finally did. 

“We promised we would not keep secrets,” Lan Zhan pushed. 

Wei Ying scoffed. “Lan Zhan, I’m telling you the truth,” he said, exasperated. “If you don’t want to believe me, and you don’t want to ask him, I don’t know what you want from me. A drug test?” 

Lan Zhan eyed him for a moment, almost as if he was actually considering that, but then he shook his head. 

“You are not as okay as you are pretending to be,” Lan Zhan said instead. 

The accusation was like a punch to the gut. Lan Zhan wasn’t wrong, but Wei Ying didn’t know what he was supposed to say to that. He did know that the wrong response would be to get defensive or lash out, and yet, that ended up being what he did anyway. 

“What is the point of talking to you if you don’t believe anything I say?” he snapped.

Lan Zhan stared at him, a mixture of concern and confusion lining his face, but Wei Ying didn’t elaborate. He just rolled out of bed and left the room to make himself a cup of coffee. 

Lan Zhan followed him, because of course he did. He didn’t say anything though, he just lingered near the kitchen counter, watching Wei Ying. 

Wei Ying ignored the way his own hands shook slightly as he poured the coffee grounds into the filter. Truthfully, he knew what he was doing, and he knew he was the one in the wrong in this conversation. He could deflect onto Lan Zhan all he wanted, but it was this exact hostility and petty behavior that was making Lan Zhan so worried about him in the first place. And all Lan Zhan was doing was trying to talk. Trying to understand. Trying to get Wei Ying to let him in. 

He had waited ten years for Wei Ying. Raised Wei Ying’s son. Tolerated all of Wei Ying’s shit back then and was still tolerating it now. 

“Why do you have to be so perfect?” Wei Ying grumbled as he waited for the coffee to brew. It was taking too damn long. “It’s so infuriating, Lan Zhan.” 

Lan Zhan blinked in confusion at the question. 

“I am not perfect,” he answered.

“No,” Wei Ying sighed. “You’re right. You’re not. You made at least one mistake.” 

He didn’t even know where the statement came from, but as he said it, Lan Zhan tensed. No, tensed wasn’t the right word. He downright froze. The hurt on Lan Zhan’s face at that comment was way more intense than Wei Ying was expecting. 

Wei Ying hesitated. He had been gearing up for a petty fight but he didn’t mean to actually hurt Lan Zhan. Now he desperately wanted to take back whatever he’d just said or done to make Lan Zhan look like that. 

“I’m sorry,” Wei Ying said hesitantly. 

Lan Zhan remained quiet. Like he was scared to move or speak. 

Wei Ying took a shaky breath. He didn’t know what he had just stepped in but it didn’t feel good.

“Lan Zhan,” he pleaded. “Look at me.” 

Lan Zhan slowly did as he was told and focused his gaze on Wei Ying. 

“I’m sorry,” Wei Ying repeated. “I was just being a jerk.” 

Lan Zhan seemed to take twice as long as normal to process his words. 

“Why?” Lan Zhan finally asked carefully.

Wei Ying nodded, mostly because that was at least a word out of him. Then he took another breath before answering.

“Because I can’t have the conversation I know you want to have right now,” Wei Ying confessed. “You’re right, okay? I’m not okay. But Lan Zhan, I’m -” Wei Ying felt his breath catch in his throat. He swallowed and refused to let himself break. “I can’t,” Wei Ying repeated hoarsely. 

Lan Zhan stared at him. Wei Ying didn’t think Lan Zhan was going to let him avoid talking, but after a moment, Lan Zhan slowly nodded. 

“Okay,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying was genuinely shocked by that answer, but he wasn’t about to push it. He just nodded too. Then he grabbed a mug, poured himself some coffee, and took a sip before finally looking back at Lan Zhan. 

“Don’t you have work?” he asked. 

“No,” Lan Zhan answered simply.

He didn’t have to explain. Wei Ying knew that what he really meant was that there was no way in hell that he was leaving Wei Ying alone today. Especially not after Wei Ying’s disappearance last night. Wei Ying sighed. Whatever. At least that meant Wei Ying had access to a car today.

“I want to go visit Wen Ning,” he said. 

Lan Zhan stiffened again, clearly not expecting the request. Given how antsy Lan Zhan was around the subject of Wen Ning, Wei Ying half expected him to just say no. But eventually, Lan Zhan responded.

“He refuses all visits,” Lan Zhan answered. “I have tried. Wen Qing has tried. Even Yuan has tried. He will not speak to anyone.” 

Wei Ying’s stomach twisted at the thought of Wen Ning spending the past ten years completely cut off from everyone. Sweet, gentle Wen Ning, trying to survive in a prison full of violent criminals, and not even talking to his own sister. Why the hell did he confess and why would he refuse visits? 

“I want to try,” Wei Ying insisted. 

“We can’t today. You have to schedule visits in advance,” Lan Zhan explained. “We can go next weekend.” 

A whole week seemed like a long time for Wei Ying to wait, but he didn’t say anything about it. He just took another sip of his coffee, then looked back at Lan Zhan again.

“Then what are we going to do on your day off today?” he asked, trying to add a little bit of playfulness back into the conversation to cut through the tension between them. 

“What does Wei Ying want to do?” Lan Zhan asked. 

For a brief moment, an idea passed through Wei Ying’s mind. Yuan wasn’t home and they had the whole day to themselves... Except their relationship was a whole other landmine right now and Wei Ying didn’t particularly want to try to unpack that either. 

But Wei Ying was also restless and on edge and he had a very strong urge to do something stupid. So he knew he needed to find some sort of distraction. 

“Can we go somewhere? Get out of the city?”

“I will get dressed,” Lan Zhan answered. 

He started to take a step back into the bedroom, but then he hesitated. Wei Ying rolled his eyes. 

“I’m fine,” Wei Ying promised. “I won’t go anywhere.” 

Lan Zhan stared at him for a second, then nodded. He finally turned and left. 

Wei Ying exhaled a deep sigh. Things were so tense between them, and he knew they were going to have to talk eventually. It was just so… much. How was Wei Ying even supposed to start to figure out his own feelings about the years of memories that popped up overnight, on top of all the new shit that was happening now?

So instead, he just drank his coffee. Then he followed Lan Zhan into the room to get dressed, just to find Lan Zhan packing a whole damn suitcase. Wei Ying tilted his head at that.

“I thought maybe we could go away for a few days,” Lan Zhan explained. 

Wei Ying raised an eyebrow at him. “What about Yuan?”

“He can stay with Yanli.” 

“He already spent the whole weekend at her place,” Wei Ying pointed out.

Lan Zhan paused in the middle of folding a pair of pants and looked up at Wei Ying. 

“Yuan is very used to spending time there,” Lan Zhan answered. “She has always helped me raise him. He will not mind.” 

Wei Ying swallowed. It’s not like he didn’t know that Yanli and Yuan were close. That all of them had been one big happy family for the past ten years. It was just a bittersweet feeling. Yuan was supposed to have been his son, and yet, everyone else had raised him for the past ten years without Wei Ying.

“Wei Ying.” 

Lan Zhan’s voice brought Wei Ying back into focus on the current conversation. 

“Do you not want to go?” 

Wei Ying hesitated, then shook his head. 

“No, you’re right, we should go for a few days,” Wei Ying answered. It was, after all, the healthy choice. Wei Ying knew how on edge he was and that too much more time in the city right now would only lead him down the wrong path. 

Lan Zhan was watching him very closely at this point, so Wei Ying decided to get out from under his watchful eye. 

“We should take Yuan some clothes,” Wei Ying pointed out. “I’ll go pack him some things.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t stop him, so Wei Ying went into Yuan’s room. He opened Yuan’s closet, found a small duffel bag, and started packing some clothes up for him. He knew Yuan could probably borrow things from Jin Ling. He was mostly just doing it because he needed to feel like he could do something useful for Yuan. Yuan didn’t really feel like his son anymore, and that was a heartbreaking thought. He needed to be involved somehow. 

Then he zipped up the bag, took it back to the other bedroom, and got dressed himself. A few minutes later, they were in Lan Zhan’s car, headed to Yanli’s place to drop off Yuan’s clothes.

Yanli had never moved. She still lived in the same penthouse that she’d lived in ten years ago. Wei Ying was not prepared for how hard that was going to hit him. 

The last time he had been here was the night Jin Zixuan was killed. The night that changed everything. As he walked up to the private elevator, he saw himself being pinned to the ground by the security guard. He remembered finding Lan Zhan passed out drunk, and then leaving Yuan here so he could go get high, and then…

Fuck. He suddenly felt just as desperate for drugs as he had that night. 

“Wei Ying.” 

Wei Ying blinked. Lan Zhan was standing in the open elevator, waiting for Wei Ying to get on. And Wei Ying was just staring at the floor, in the spot where he’d been tackled ten years ago. He took a breath, then stepped onto the elevator. 

Lan Zhan was not dumb. He clearly had figured out at least some of what was going on in Wei Ying’s head, because as soon as Wei Ying joined him on the elevator, Lan Zhan reached for him. He laced their fingers together and gave Wei Ying a reassuring squeeze. 

Wei Ying pulled his hand away. Lan Zhan said nothing about it. 

They approached the doors to the penthouse. Wei Ying was about to knock, when instead, Lan Zhan pulled out a key. Of course he had a key. Because this was Yuan’s second home, and Yanli and Lan Zhan were like family. 

Wei Ying didn’t have much time to dwell on that thought. He was very much not prepared for what happened next. As soon as Lan Zhan opened the door, there was a sound.

Barking. 

And then a giant husky was barreling right at Wei Ying. 

Wei Ying mentally blacked out for a second, but somehow ended up turned around and cowering towards the wall as Yanli pulled the dog off of him. 

“Sorry!” Yanli said apologetically. “I didn’t know you were coming over. I’m so sorry.” 

Wei Ying did not turn back around. He couldn’t. He was shaking and about to lose his mind. 

A hand pressed against his back. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said gently. 

“Is it gone?” Wei Ying croaked out. 

“She’s gone,” Lan Zhan confirmed. “You are… afraid of dogs?” 

Lan Zhan sounded really surprised at this revelation. Wei Ying knew why. He knew how pathetic it was. After all, Wei Ying wasn’t afraid of much. He could take on a bunch of police officers with guns but was deathly afraid of a damn dog.

Instead of answering, Wei Ying just let out a shaky breath. The dog alone was enough to give him a nervous breakdown, but on top of everything else, he was so done. 

“Can we go?” Wei Ying requested through a clenched jaw. 

Lan Zhan seemed slightly caught off guard by the request. They had just gotten here, after all. They hadn’t even said hi to Yanli yet.

“Yanli put the dog away,” Lan Zhan reassured. “She won’t bother you.”

That was not the problem. The problem was that this giant penthouse felt tiny, like it was caving in around him and suffocating him. He had no idea how triggering this place was going to be. He had not felt an urge this strong since waking up from his coma, and he was two seconds away from repeating history from ten years ago and leaving this place to go find some yin that he could inject into his veins. 

“Lan Zhan, I can’t fucking be here,” Wei Ying snapped. 

This time, Lan Zhan seemed to at least understand the urgency of Wei Ying’s tone, because he didn’t try to convince Wei Ying any further. He just nodded. 

“Okay,” Lan Zhan answered. “I will take Yuan’s bag to your sister and then we can go.” 

He took the duffel bag out of Wei Ying’s hand and ventured into the penthouse to find Yanli. Except walking away was the worst thing Lan Zhan could have done at that moment. 

Wei Ying managed to convince himself to wait all of 30 seconds before he lost any remaining self-control and bolted out the door, down the elevator, out onto the city streets, and then down a flight of stairs into a subway station.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying didn’t have a specific destination in mind. He wasn’t really thinking anything at all, other than knowing that he did not want to be here a second longer. Beyond that, he just let his feet lead him.

He was already on a subway train by the time his phone started ringing. Lan Zhan had noticed he was gone. 

Wei Ying turned the phone off. He didn’t want to be tracked and he didn’t want to deal with knowing he was disappointing Lan Zhan right now. Perfect fucking Lan Zhan. The best boyfriend in the whole world. The guy who raised his child for him, and who loved him through a decade-long coma.

It made Wei Ying feel like shit. It was easier just not to think about it.

He seriously doubted that his formula to connect with The Tiger would work ten years later, and with his phone turned off he couldn't even try. Wei Ying was just going to have to find drugs the old fashioned way. 

That’s how he ended up in the Bronx, in one of the neighborhoods where he used to deal. Surely there were some dealers nearby. He glanced around, and laid eyes on some teenage kid loitering at a bus stop. Wei Ying knew how to spot a dealer when he saw one, but that kid was probably only a little older than Yuan. Wei Ying couldn’t bring himself to approach him. He kept walking. 

Eventually, he ended up walking down an alley where he knew there was an abandoned building that had become a drug den. At least that’s what it was ten years ago. It was a sketchy place. A little hole in the city full of homeless people and junkies doped out on drugs. 

It was the same place that Wen Qing and Wen Ning once found Wei Ying, overdosing on the floor. If Wei Ying wasn’t already in the head space he was in, it probably would have impacted him more to think about that. As it was, he only had one goal in mind and he figured he wouldn’t be thinking too much about anything after that. 

It was still there.

He saw some dude standing just inside the door, nervously watching Wei Ying approach. The guy looked flighty and on edge.

Wei Ying figured he probably stood out, approaching a place like this. After all, all of his clothes were bought by Lan Zhan these days, and even though he wasn’t wearing anything more than a pair of jeans and a sweater, they were still new and designer brands. He didn’t look like he belonged here. 

“Hey,” Wei Ying nodded at the guy as he approached. 

The guy didn’t respond. Wei Ying shrugged. 

“Your loss,” he muttered as he walked past the guy. He was sure he could find someone else willing to do business with him. Sure enough, he didn’t have to walk more than a few feet before some woman spoke to him. 

“Are you lost?” she commented, eyeing him up and down. 

Wei Ying smirked and turned to her. 

“No, I know exactly where I am,” he answered. “I’m looking for a friend.” 

“You don’t have any friends here,” she answered snidely. 

“That’s a shame,” he smirked. “Because I was hoping to give my friend this watch.” 

Wei Ying flashed the fancy watch on his wrist at her. Lan Zhan had given him the watch as a spontaneous gift one day. It was worth a ridiculous amount of money. Wei Ying had protested, but Lan Zhan had insisted, making a comment about how hard it was to not be able to celebrate ten years of birthdays and Christmases with Wei Ying and that he needed to be allowed to give him things now. So of course Wei Ying had to accept it after Lan Zhan said something like that. 

Later he would feel really guilty about this, but he didn’t have any cash on him. Her eyes snapped to it. 

“Well, hi friend,” she responded, looking back up at Wei Ying. “What do you need?”

“What do you have?” Wei Ying responded back. 

The woman eagerly grabbed her backpack and pulled out a baggie, holding it out for Wei Ying. He glanced at it. It was heroin. He shook his head. 

“Anything else?” he asked. 

“It's not a fucking buffet,” she muttered, but dug into her bag again anyway and pulled out a different bag full of smaller bags of pills. Wei Ying looked them over. It looked like Xanax. That was not going to get him the kind of high he was looking for. 

“Nevermind,” he answered.

The woman glared at him as he walked away, but he didn’t care. He ventured further into the building, scanning his surroundings. 

Eventually, his eyes landed on some twenty-something year old in a corner, and he immediately knew. He didn’t know how he knew, he just knew that this was the new version of him. Someone that had replaced him in the yin dealing scene. 

“Yin?” he asked boldly as he approached.

The kid eyed him warily, but he slowly reached into his back pocket and pulled out a bag of small black pills. The sight of them left an indescribable feeling in Wei Ying’s chest. 

“How many?” the kid asked. 

There looked to be around 9 or 10 pills in the bag. 

“I’ll take them all. Then you can take the rest of the day off.” 

The kid’s eyes widened. Wei Ying understood the confusion. A single pill could give you a good 6-10 hour high, depending on how you took it and what your tolerance was. Which also meant they could sell them at a high cost - hundreds of dollars a pill. Back when Wei Ying was dealing, most customers only bought one at a time due to the price.

But Wei Ying had an eight-thousand dollar watch that he was about to give away. He wasn’t wasting it on one or two pills. He took his watch off and held it out.

The kid hesitated. Wei Ying rolled his eyes. 

“It’s real,” he promised. “And your boss will vouch for me. Just tell him it was Wei Ying. Better yet, call him now and ask. Tell him I said, ‘Chenqing.’” 

The kid frowned in confusion and then pulled out his phone. He didn’t make a phone call, but he did send a text. A minute later, he glanced back up at Wei Ying with a shrug and reached for the watch. 

Yeah, Wei Ying was definitely going to regret this later. He tried to ignore the thought of how hurt he knew Lan Zhan was going to be and just grabbed the bag of pills.

“Got a needle?” he asked. He could just swallow one, but honestly, if he was doing this he might as well make the absolute most of it. 

The kid raised an eyebrow at that, but then handed him a needle that Wei Ying really hoped was clean.

He took it and then ventured further into the building, hoping to find himself a small isolated corner. It's not like he had anywhere else to go, and he really didn't want Lan Zhan finding him like this. 

It was not hard to find someone here to loan him a spoon and lighter and pretty soon he was settled in a hiding spot under a staircase. 

He didn't let himself second guess what he was about to do. He refused to think about it, he just did it. 

It was an indescribable sensation when it hit his bloodstream. Yin always hit very intensely, but when you shot it up, it felt like you were literally melting into the universe and one with space and time. It felt like magic was flowing through you.

Fuuuck. He had missed this.

He lost track of his surroundings. He lost track of time. He lost track of his own sense of self. He didn’t have to think about or worry about anything anymore.

He drifted in and out of consciousness. He wasn’t sure how many times he shot up, but he knew he did it more than once. He could have been under that staircase for an hour or a month. He had no idea. Nothing mattered. 

But at some point, the fun had to end. Wei Ying was pretty sure he was sleeping, or at least in a state of only half-consciousness, and then suddenly he was floating. Not just in his brain, but in his body. 

It took him quite a bit of effort to focus on reality enough to realize he wasn't actually levitating. Someone had pulled him out from under the staircase and lifted him up. He didn’t need to focus on who. He knew Lan Zhan had finally found him. Who else would be coming in here to interrupt his drug binge and carry him bridal style out of here? 

Wei Ying didn’t have the capacity to think about it. He just curled up into Lan Zhan’s chest and let himself fade away again. 

It turns out, it was not Lan Zhan. 

When Wei Ying finally started to come down from the yin and become aware of his surroundings, he found himself on a bed in an unfamiliar room. His head was fucking pounding. It was dark, but he could make out the silhouette of a man slumped over in a chair across the room. 

If Wei Ying had the energy to panic, he would have. As it was, he could barely lift his head and everything hurt. He groaned. 

The unknown figure stirred, then stood up and approached him. Wei Ying felt his heart start to pound. The man was intimidatingly large and scary looking. He had long hair that was tied back in a low pony-tail and he was very muscular and covered in tattoos. Beyond that, Wei Ying could not make out any specific features. 

Until the man got close and kneeled down by the bed, and then Wei Ying’s heart stopped. He decided he had to be hallucinating. 

It was Wen Ning. 

Except that didn’t make sense, because Wen Ning was locked up in prison, and also, this man had Wen Ning’s facial features but also had face tattoos and a scar across his cheek and a very hardened expression. This was nothing like the Wen Ning that Wei Ying remembered.

“What…” was all that Wei Ying managed to croak out in a hoarse whisper. 

“You should be quiet,” Wen Ning whispered. “Wen Qing says she is just waiting for you to wake up so she can come in and kill you herself.” 

Wei Ying might prefer that to the hell that he knew he was about to face in these withdrawals. He didn’t know how many days he’d been using for, but he knew he dreaded the torture that was ahead. He was already in some agony and it was only going to get worse.

Thankfully, Wen Ning seemed to read his mind, because he reached into his pocket and then put some sort of pill in Wei Ying’s hand. Wei Ying didn’t know what it was, and he didn’t bother to ask. He just put it in his mouth and swallowed. 

He had never had a detox like this one. The only other time he had injected yin, it had been once, and he had injected too much and overdosed. Those withdrawals had been absolute hell, but they paled in comparison to this. This time, he had been injecting yin repeatedly for what he would later learn was 4 days. 

Whatever Wen Ning had given him didn’t even take the edge off. It did nothing for the pain that increased over several hours, until it got to the point where Wei Ying was quite literally screaming and writhing in his bed, unable to bear it. 

Then Wen Qing apparently took pity on him, because she finally came in and injected him with something. Wen Ning had to pin Wei Ying down so she could get the needle in him, but then it knocked him out cold.

The next time he came to, he still felt like absolute shit, but at least it didn’t feel like his insides were burning. What was worse, though, was the emotional tsunami. This time, instead of screaming and thrashing, Wen Qing came in to find him sobbing and incoherent. 

Once again, she sedated him. 

The third time he woke up, he was able to drag himself out of bed to use the bathroom, and then he was able to drink a glass of water without feeling like he was going to be sick. That was progress.

Wen Qing and Wen Ning eyed him carefully as he moved around for the first time in days. They did not talk to him about the drug use, and they did not explain how Wen Ning was here at all. They didn’t talk about anything, and Wei Ying didn’t ask. He just drank his water and went back to bed. 

It was another full day before Wei Ying felt capable of speaking at all. He sat up when Wen Ning came in that morning to check on him. 

“Explain,” he demanded hoarsely. 

Wen Ning hesitated and fidgeted, before awkwardly sitting down on the edge of Wei Ying’s bed. Underneath his toughened exterior, he was apparently still the same quiet and gentle Wen Ning. 

“What do you want to know?” Wen Ning asked. 

“How are you here?” Wei Ying asked. “I thought you were in prison.”  

“I was,” Wen Ning answered. “I was just released. The same day I found you, actually. Wen Qing picked me up and told me you’d been missing for a few days, so we went searching.” 

“But I thought you had ten more years,” Wei Ying said.

Wen Ning shrugged. “Someone filed an appeal in my case. The judge decided I was innocent.” 

Wei Ying sighed. He had never felt such a combination of emotions at the same time. Confusion because this made no sense. Relief because Wen Ning had somehow gotten his name cleared. Devastation that he had had to serve ten years before it happened. 

“Why did you confess?” Wei Ying asked, choking up with tears.  

Wen Ning clenched his jaw at the question and stared at the wall in front of him. He looked incredibly pained at the question, and for a moment, Wei Ying thought he just wasn’t going to answer. 

“Because I did it,” Wen Ning finally said, still not looking at Wei Ying. 

Wei Ying shook his head, even though Wen Ning couldn’t see it. No. There was no way that was true. But before Wei Ying could respond, Wen Ning abruptly stood up and left the room, leaving a heavy silence behind. 

Wei Ying laid back down. He didn’t cry this time, he just stared at the door Wen Ning had just walked out of. 

None of this made any sense.

Chapter Text

Wen Ning did not come back into the room after their conversation and Wei Ying did not leave the room either. In the evening, Wen Qing came in with a tray of food. 

“You have to eat,” she ordered, placing the tray on the bedside table. 

Wei Ying made no move to do so. He didn’t even acknowledge her. He just stared at the ceiling. He felt paralyzed.

Wen Ning’s words had been running through his head all day. Had Wen Ning actually killed Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun? That made absolutely no sense. Why? But why would Wen Ning lie about it to Wei Ying? That also made zero sense. 

“Wei Ying,” Wen Qing snapped at him. 

“Go away,” Wei Ying snapped right back. 

Wen Qing raised an eyebrow at him. 

“This is my apartment,” she pointed out. 

Wei Ying didn’t respond right away. He just continued to stare at the ceiling despite the fact that he felt Wen Qing staring at him. Finally, he sighed. 

“Fine, then I’ll leave,” he answered, hauling himself out of the bed and staggering towards the door. 

“Wait,” Wen Qing finally conceded. “I’m sorry. Please just talk to me.” 

Wei Ying paused in his movements and turned around. 

“I’m fucking done with all the secrets,” Wei Ying said angrily. “Stop lying to me. Stop hiding shit from me. Just tell me what the hell is going on.” 

Wen Qing seemed really conflicted about that, but she finally nodded. 

“Sit down,” she instructed.

Wei Ying moved back towards the bed and sat down, staring expectantly at Wen Qing. 

“What do you want to know?” she asked. 

Truthfully, Wei Ying had already gained back most of his memories of the things that she and Lan Zhan had been keeping from him. The gaps that were still there were mostly things that she probably couldn’t answer. So he decided to focus on the present day instead. 

“Wen Ning won’t tell me why he confessed or what happened,” Wei Ying answered. 

Wen Qing’s face fell at the question. She closed her eyes sadly.

“He won’t tell me either,” she answered quietly. Then she shook her head and looked back up at Wei Ying. “He’s different. He’s… he spent ten years in a maximum security prison, so of course he’s different. But he used to tell me everything. He won’t talk about it at all.” 

Wei Ying sighed. That was even more devastating to hear. It was one thing if Wen Ning was just trying to shelter Wei Ying from the information, but what did it mean if he wouldn’t even tell his sister?

The two of them fell into a somber silence for a moment, until Wen Qing broke it. 

“Wei Ying,” she said sadly. “What about you? You were doing so well.” 

Wei Ying stared at her for a second as he decided if he wanted to answer that or not, then he let out a humorless laugh and shook his head. 

“Yanli has a dog,” he answered. 

Wen Qing frowned at him. “Are you saying you relapsed over an encounter with a dog?” she asked skeptically.

Of course that wasn’t what happened. Of course there was so much more to it than that. So much that had been brewing underneath the surface as he put on his fake smile and tried to convince everyone he was doing fine. The facade had to crack open at some point. But even he hadn’t expected that to look like a 4 day yin binge. 

“I was basically dead for ten years. So of course she got a fucking dog,” Wei Ying muttered. 

“She never gave up hope,” Wen Qing answered, starting to understand where Wei Ying was going. “The dog is Jin Ling’s, and Jiang Cheng gave it to him. It’s not some sign that she gave up on you.” 

Wei Ying fidgeted with his blanket and sighed. 

“Ten years,” he muttered again. Then he met Wen Qing’s eyes. “Before I had my memories back, I felt like I wasn’t even real. I didn’t know who I was, or who anyone around me was, other than knowing that I cared about them. But now that I remember, I am stuck ten years in the past and everyone else is living in a different world. Yuan is a teenager and Lan Zhan is his dad and Yanli has a dog, and I…” 

Wei Ying swallowed. He took a shaky breath and kept trying to explain.

“Lan Zhan has been raising my kid and in love with me for ten fucking years and I can’t be that for him. Because in my head we’ve only dated for a few months and then we broke up and then Zin Zixuan died and I was arrested. For me, that all just happened. How the hell am I supposed to just jump into a decade-long relationship that I wasn’t actually a part of?”

This time it was Wen Qing’s turn to sigh. 

“Shit,” she muttered. Then she paused for a moment before adding, “I’m sorry.” 

Wei Ying shook his head. “It’s not your fault,” he answered.

“No, but I should not have shut you out like I did. I should not have assumed that you would be okay because you were with Lan Zhan and Yanli. You’re right. We’ve all had ten years to mend our relationships, but ten years ago I was your family. You should have been allowed to wake up to that.” 

Wei Ying looked away. 

“You can move in here,” she offered. “If you need to.” 

That would absolutely break Lan Zhan’s heart. That is, if it wasn’t already shattered from Wei Ying’s choices these past few days. Not to mention that Wei Ying couldn’t bring himself to abandon Yuan like that. He’d already missed ten years with him. He didn’t want to miss more. He shook his head. 

“I have to go home.” 

Wen Qing nodded. “Okay. But you can always come here, if you need to.” She stared at him firmly as she said it, as if to make sure he really heard it.

When Wei Ying didn’t respond, she pointed at the tray of food on the table again. 

“Eat,” she instructed. Then she stood up and left the room to give him his space. 

He did not eat. As soon as she was gone, a tear rolled down Wei Ying’s cheek. He laid down and stared at the ceiling again. All of this felt so impossible to navigate. 

__

Wei Ying had not spoken to Lan Zhan since he fled from Yanli’s a little over a week ago. He had no idea what to expect when he approached the penthouse the following morning. He didn’t know what Lan Zhan knew. How much Wen Qing had told him. 

Wei Ying had left his key behind when he thought he was going to be going on a trip with Lan Zhan. He didn’t think they both needed to bring one. And at some point during his drug binge his phone must have been stolen. 

Now, as soon as he knocked and Lan Zhan opened the door, Wei Ying could tell that he knew enough. Lan Zhan didn’t seem surprised to see him, which meant Wen Qing must have told him he was coming. He didn’t say anything. He just looked Wei Ying up and down for a second, and then silently opened the door wider to let him in. 

The tension was thick, and Wei Ying realized the reason for his silence immediately. Yuan was sitting at the dining room table doing homework. They couldn’t exactly talk right now. 

Worse, though, was the horrible feeling in Wei Ying’s gut the moment that Yuan looked up at him, then quietly closed his book and went to his room. Yuan didn’t say a word, but he didn’t have to. There was no missing the hurt in his eyes, or the silent and cold anger in his exit. He knew.

Wei Ying stared at the hallway Yuan had just disappeared down. He had never seen Yuan angry before. At least, not this Yuan. He knew the toddler tantrums, of course, but teenage Yuan was gentle and kind and a pretty happy kid. Until now. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said quietly, and his voice was far gentler than Wei Ying expected it to be and it still made him flinch anyway. “He will come around.” 

“Why would you tell him?” Wei Ying accused, turning back around to look at Lan Zhan. 

Lan Zhan was not fazed by Wei Ying’s reaction. 

“Yuan is not naive,” Lan Zhan answered. “He is friends with Jin Ling, who is very close with his uncle. Yuan has heard many stories. Now you went missing for days. It is not hard for him to draw his own conclusions, and I will not lie to him.” 

Ten years ago, when Wei Ying was the one raising Yuan, he had always put off adopting him. He had told himself he wouldn’t sign those papers until he knew he could stay clean and fully show up as a parent for Yuan. It was because he wanted to avoid this exact moment that was happening now. 

Maybe it was a mistake coming back here. Maybe he should have taken Wen Qing up on her offer. Or better yet, maybe he shouldn’t have woken up from his coma at all. 

Wei Ying didn’t really realize he was even crying until suddenly Lan Zhan’s arms were pulling him in and he was sobbing into Lan Zhan’s chest. 

“I’m sorry,” Wei Ying choked out between sobs. “I sold the watch you gave me. I fucked everything up.”

Lan Zhan didn’t acknowledge the confession. He just held Wei Ying and let him cry. It wasn’t until Lan Zhan finally did speak that Wei Ying realized he was crying too.

“I am just glad you are okay,” Lan Zhan mumbled quietly into Wei Ying’s hair. “I was so scared.” 

Wei Ying’s stomach twisted with more guilt, but he was too much of an emotional wreck to respond. 

“Come on,” Lan Zhan finally urged, pulling away slightly from the hug and nudging Wei Ying to walk.

Lan Zhan guided them to his own bedroom, and Wei Ying knew it was because he wanted privacy for them to actually talk. 

Before that, though, Lan Zhan went to the bathroom and started to run a bath. That was definitely something Wei Ying desperately needed, after sleeping on the floor of a drug den for four days and then going through the worst withdrawals of his life for several more days after that.

Wei Ying followed him into the bathroom and sat on the sink counter to watch Lan Zhan. Like he always did when running Wei Ying a bath, he was not just filling the tub. He was using oils and lighting candles and really spoiling Wei Ying. Wei Ying did not feel like he deserved this kind of treatment after what he had just done, and he just watched sullenly. 

When Lan Zhan finished and turned to find a despondent Wei Ying staring back at him, he was not deterred. He just held out a hand to help Wei Ying off the counter. Wei Ying reluctantly took it and hopped off, and then Lan Zhan reached for his sweater and Wei Ying lifted his arms so that Lan Zhan could pull it off. Then Lan Zhan went to work on taking his pants off too. 

When Wei Ying had first come home from the hospital, unable to walk and barely even able to feed himself, Lan Zhan had taken care of him like this. But now, Wei Ying was fully capable of undressing and bathing himself. Maybe he was just letting this happen because he craved a little bit of intimacy with Lan Zhan, even if his relationship with Lan Zhan was incredibly confusing right now. 

Apparently, Lan Zhan had the same idea. Because once Wei Ying was fully undressed and Lan Zhan had helped him sink into the hot water, Lan Zhan didn’t leave. He just knelt down next to the tub and started to wash Wei Ying’s hair. 

He didn’t try to turn it into anything more than that, and neither did Wei Ying. It was just a bath. But Lan Zhan helping him settled something in Wei Ying, and he felt slightly calmer and more open to being taken care of than he had a few minutes before. 

Wei Ying’s hair was full of knots, but Lan Zhan was gentle as he detangled it with his fingers, massaged shampoo into Wei Ying’s scalp, and then used a small cup to rinse it out, letting the hot water flow down Wei Ying’s neck and back. 

Then Lan Zhan took a loofah and started to gently wash Wei Ying’s skin, and Wei Ying closed his eyes and relaxed into it. It was nice, at first, until Lan Zhan’s movements suddenly stopped. Wei Ying opened his eyes and quickly realized why. Lan Zhan had been in the process of reaching for his arm to wash it, but had instead stopped to stare, because Wei Ying had fucking track marks on the inside of his forearm. 

What a way to ruin the moment. 

Lan Zhan clearly noticed Wei Ying tense, and he did finally start to move again, but by then the damage was done. Wei Ying did not want him washing his body or even looking at it. 

“I can do it,” Wei Ying snapped, sitting up and pulling away from Lan Zhan. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan pleaded. 

“Get out,” Wei Ying hissed. 

Lan Zhan didn’t try to argue with him any further. He just handed Wei Ying the loofah and then stood up and exited the bathroom. 

As soon as he was gone, Wei Ying exhaled a breath he hadn’t even realized he had been holding, and then reluctantly looked down to inspect his arm. He hadn’t thought about the fact that there might be marks, but looking now, he could see several. No wonder Lan Zhan had been so stunned. Just how many times had Wei Ying shot up over the course of four days to do that kind of damage?

As horrific as his arm looked, there was also something about looking at it that made him… want to do it again.

Wei Ying resisted that urge. He looked away and moved on to inspecting the rest of himself instead. His other arm had a single small bruise, but he already knew that was from Wen Qing sticking an IV in him at her apartment. Clearly she was much more skilled with a needle than Wei Ying was. 

From what he could tell, the rest of his body seemed unharmed, though he definitely felt like he had lost weight again. 

This bath had gone from relaxing to leaving him feeling way too exposed and awful about himself, so he pulled the drain and hauled himself up to dry off. He did not have any clean clothes in here, so he had to go out in nothing but a towel. Luckily, Lan Zhan seemed to be giving him his privacy, because he was not in the bedroom when Wei Ying emerged. 

Wei Ying dug through his clothes to put on some sweats and a hoodie, threw his towel in a hamper, and then froze. He didn’t really know what to do next. He knew that he and Lan Zhan needed to talk. He also knew he needed to try to talk to Yuan. He just wasn’t sure he had the emotional capacity for either of those things. 

Maybe he really should have taken Wen Qing up on her offer to stay with her for a while.

Taking a breath, he reluctantly ventured out of the bedroom and hesitantly made his way down the hallway anyway.

He found Lan Zhan and Yuan both sitting at the table with mugs of tea. Lan Zhan was speaking quietly to Yuan, and Yuan had his eyes down, staring at his mug, not responding. However, at one point, Yuan did finally give a small nod, showing that he understood whatever Lan Zhan was telling him. 

Wei Ying wasn’t sure if he should interrupt, but he also didn’t want to feel like he was spying on them, so after a moment he stepped out from the hallway and cleared his throat slightly to let them know he was there. Lan Zhan immediately stopped talking and they both looked up at him. 

Then, before Wei Ying could actually think of what to say, Yuan pushed his chair back and stood up. 

Wei Ying thought he was going to silently storm off into his room again, but instead, he walked right towards Wei Ying and hugged him. 

“I’m sorry, dad,” Yuan whispered shakily into his shoulder. 

“Oh,” Wei Ying said, completely caught off guard. Then he swallowed back tears. He thought Lan Zhan seeing his arm had been humiliating, but nothing made him feel more ashamed of himself than Yuan blaming himself for this. He wrapped his arms around Yuan tightly. 

“Yuan, listen to me, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who is sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” 

Yuan didn’t say anything else, he just hugged Wei Ying even tighter. Wei Ying held him. He was not going to let go until Yuan was ready. Eventually, Yuan did pull away. 

“I’m going to bed,” Yuan said quietly, not making eye contact. “Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight,” Wei Ying answered. Then he put a hand on Yuan’s shoulder. “Hey…” 

Yuan reluctantly looked up at him. 

“I love you,” Wei Ying said firmly. He hated to think that he might have made Yuan doubt that.

Yuan didn’t say it back, but his body language did relax slightly as he turned to walk away to his room. Wei Ying knew that despite whatever Lan Zhan had said to him that inspired the hug, Yuan was still hurt. Still angry. It was going to take a lot of work to repair the damage Wei Ying had done. 

Once Yuan was gone, Wei Ying glanced intently at Lan Zhan, then turned and went back towards their bedroom. Lan Zhan seemed to understand the silent message, because he stood up and followed Wei Ying. 

As soon as they were in the room, Wei Ying went to sit on the bed. Lan Zhan closed and locked the door, then came to join him, sitting cross-legged across from him on the bed.

“How much did Wen Qing already tell you?” Wei Ying asked quietly, finally breaching the conversation. He knew the two of them talked about him, and as much as that fact bothered him, he had no doubt they had been talking about this. 

“She told me that Wen Ning found you unconscious in a drug den with a needle still in your arm,” Lan Zhan said, his own voice shaking.

Fuck. Wei Ying inhaled a sharp breath. He hadn’t even known that part. 

“She told me that they took you to her place to detox you, and that it was so bad that she had to keep you sedated. And she told me…” Lan Zhan wavered, and Wei Ying’s stomach dropped. 

Had she really told him everything they’d talked about? 

“She told me that I needed to be prepared to hear something really hard. She would not tell me what.” 

Wei Ying sighed. So Wen Qing hadn’t shared everything after all, but Wei Ying almost wished she had. Now he was going to have to figure out how to say it himself. 

“I…” Wei Ying wavered. He didn’t know how to do this. So he chickened out. “Why have you never even kissed me since I woke up?” he asked instead.

He wasn’t sure why that was where he deflected to. Maybe some part of him felt like maybe he could make this seem mutual instead of just telling Lan Zhan that he didn’t know how to love him back. 

He did not expect Lan Zhan’s answer. 

“Because you have not wanted me to,” Lan Zhan said simply. 

Wei Ying frowned. What was that supposed to mean? Had Lan Zhan actually not noticed the frustration? The way Wei Ying had leaned into every small touch that Lan Zhan did give him? The fact that he’d made a complete idiot of himself trying to seduce Lan Zhan over a video call that one day? 

“Why would you think that?” Wei Ying asked. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said his name as if the answer was obvious, but when Wei Ying just stared at him in confusion, Lan Zhan finally explained. “You are shameless. You are not shy to seek out physical contact when you want it. And you have not kissed me.” 

That… was ridiculous. Were they really both just waiting on the other person to make the first move like they were in high school? Wei Ying scoffed. 

“Lan Zhan, have you considered the fact that I might not have felt as confident about myself as I did when I was twenty and fit and not a scrawny, broken body that could barely walk?” Wei Ying asked.

Lan Zhan, apparently, had not considered that. His expression fell, and he suddenly looked extremely concerned at Wei Ying’s words. Like maybe he was finally realizing just how much they didn’t actually know each other these days. 

Then Lan Zhan did the worst thing he could have done at that moment. Wei Ying really should have expected it, but for some reason, it caught him completely off guard. 

Lan Zhan leaned in and kissed him. 

Wei Ying tensed. He did not kiss back. Lan Zhan pulled away in confusion.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said, his voice cracking slightly. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan replied slowly, a noticeable fear creeping into his tone. It was clear he was already putting the pieces together now. Had already guessed what Wen Qing meant by the fact that he needed to be prepared to hear something hard. After all, what else could it mean if Wei Ying had just made a big deal about wanting to be kissed, but suddenly no longer wanted it? 

“I think I need to stay in the guest room for now,” Wei Ying croaked out. 

Saying it was excruciatingly painful. Watching the impact on Lan Zhan’s face was even worse. They both knew what those words meant. 

“What… did I do wrong?” Lan Zhan asked, clearly hurt. 

Wei Ying wanted to say nothing. He wanted to tell Lan Zhan that he had done nothing wrong, that this was just Wei Ying being the problem. But he knew that wasn’t true. 

“You lied to me. About dating Jin Zixuan.”  

Lan Zhan frowned, and yes, Wei Ying knew just how irrational and stupid this sounded. That had happened more than a decade ago. 

Except not for Wei Ying. For Wei Ying it had just happened. He knew he needed to explain and he knew the explanation was going to be even more painful. 

“You love me,” Wei Ying started. 

“Yes,” Lan Zhan immediately replied, even though it wasn’t a question. Wei Ying nodded anyway. 

“I know. You’ve loved me this whole time. For the past ten years. You were at my hospital bedside, loving me.” 

“Yes,” Lan Zhan confirmed again, desperately, as if he thought he could change Wei Ying’s mind by convincing him of it. 

“Except I was basically dead that whole time. I wasn’t there. And I don’t… I don’t know if I love you back.” 

That was a lie. Wei Ying did know. He did love Lan Zhan. But it was too complicated and too messy to explain. This was easier, even if it hurt. 

Lan Zhan didn’t respond. He looked pale and frozen. It was too hard for Wei Ying to face. It was probably too hard on the both of them for him to even stay here. He thought that would be a better compromise than him moving out completely, but now, looking at Lan Zhan, he was realizing just how much more painful that decision would be. 

“I can go stay with Wen Qing,” Wei Ying said quietly, moving to get up off the bed. 

“No.” 

Lan Zhan’s deep, firm voice made Wei Ying pause in his movements and look back over at him. 

“Yuan did not handle this last week well. He needs you here right now,” Lan Zhan explained.

Wei Ying could tell that he meant it. It wasn’t an excuse to get Wei Ying to stay. Lan Zhan looked pained to say it, and it was clear it would definitely be easier for Wei Ying to leave, but Lan Zhan was setting his own hurt aside for the sake of Yuan. 

So Wei Ying nodded. Then he silently got up and left the room, something cracking deep inside him as he walked away.

Chapter Text

This new sleeping arrangement was complicated, to say the least. Wei Ying didn’t know if this was the right decision. He doubted himself from the moment he made it. 

Some part of him felt like it had to be this way. The rest of him just felt devastated. 

Now, it really did feel like he was ten years in the past. Back to when he was living here on his ankle monitor but refusing to sleep in Lan Zhan’s bed. He knew Lan Zhan was probably being reminded of the same. The big difference was Yuan was a lot older and more aware now, and they had to be a lot more careful about how much they let their relationship problems show. 

The hardest part was not letting Yuan in on what was happening. Yuan clearly had not handled Wei Ying’s relapse well. Even after several weeks of Wei Ying being back home, Yuan was not the same. He hid in his room almost constantly for the first two weeks, until Lan Zhan made it a rule that he had to sit down for family dinner every night. Even though he complied, Yuan was still a lot quieter than usual. 

So whenever he was around, they faked it. Lan Zhan and Wei Ying had not talked about it, but they both seemed to have an unspoken agreement that it would be too difficult for him to cope with the two of them separating right after the trauma of Wei Ying’s relapse.

For being so morally opposed to lying, Lan Zhan was a great actor. Wei Ying already knew about Lan Zhan’s ability to skillfully deflect questions he didn’t want to answer, but he was very surprised to see just how naturally Lan Zhan could put up a complete facade for Yuan. Whenever Yuan was in the room, Lan Zhan teased and joked with Wei Ying like they always did. As if everything was perfectly fine and normal.

When Yuan wasn’t in the room, though, Lan Zhan was also distant and sullen.

They had been doing this for weeks. Wei Ying still wanted to sit down and really talk to Yuan about what had happened, but it was hard to figure out how to do that while also feeling like he was lying to him about where things stood now. 

Besides, if Wei Ying was being honest with himself, he was not doing well. He was not in a great head space to really have that conversation with Yuan. Despite how horrible this whole relapse situation had been, he was still fighting a very strong urge to do it again. 

Which is something Lan Zhan had clearly realized, because Wei Ying’s phone never got replaced and suddenly all of the gifts Lan Zhan had bought Wei Ying had disappeared, along with almost all the small decor and expensive trinkets around the house. Even the credit card Lan Zhan had given Wei Ying for emergencies had vanished. Either that was because Lan Zhan was retaliating for the break-up, which didn’t really seem like something he would do, or it was because he’d learned from the watch situation that Wei Ying could not be trusted with anything of monetary value right now. All Wei Ying had was his clothes and a subway card. 

Lan Zhan wasn’t really off base. Part of the reason that Wei Ying had even realized everything was gone was because of one particularly bad night where he’d gone looking for said valuables to see if he could go and score something to get him high. 

Wei Ying wasn’t really sure what he had envisioned when he had asked for this separation, but it wasn’t this. Aside from faking it for Yuan, he and Lan Zhan weren’t talking at all. He thought they would be taking a step back, but not necessarily going down to zero communication at all. But maybe that was what Lan Zhan needed, because on the few occasions Wei Ying tried to talk to him, Lan Zhan shut him down immediately.

If all of this sucked for Wei Ying, it was probably twice as hard on Lan Zhan. Even with his walls up, Wei Ying saw how much he was hurting, and he hated watching it. 

So after his failed attempts to connect, he mostly just tried to avoid it. He didn’t stick around during the day. He left in the mornings and he didn’t come back until it was time to eat dinner with Yuan, and then he escaped to his room as soon as Yuan went to bed. 

Once, he even left after their family dinner to go to a 12 step meeting. It didn’t go over well. Wei Ying wasn’t ready to confess to Lan Zhan what he was doing, so it just looked like he was sneaking out late. Lan Zhan didn’t stop him, but he seemed really put-off by Wei Ying leaving at night. And to top it all off, it didn’t help. It turns out, sitting in a room listening to a bunch of people talk about drugs just made Wei Ying want to do drugs even more.

He didn’t know how he got through any of this without relapsing again. But somehow he was white-knuckling his way through. 

That didn’t stop the tension from continuing to brew though.

Lan Zhan and Yuan both left absurdly early for their morning yoga before school. Wei Ying, on the other hand, tended to roll out of bed mid-morning. Which is what he had done this morning. He was in the middle of making himself some breakfast when the door to the penthouse opened and Lan Zhan walked in. It was only Friday, but he was apparently not working today. 

Wei Ying tensed as soon as he came in. They had not really spent any time together alone lately. All of their interaction was around Yuan. But now Lan Zhan was home early and Wei Ying was caught out in the open in the kitchen and there was no easy way to avoid this. 

Then he turned around to actually look at Lan Zhan, and Lan Zhan looked utterly exhausted. Like the weight of everything going on lately had worn him down to nothing. The sight of it broke Wei Ying’s heart all over again. 

“Hey,” Wei Ying said gently. “You okay?” 

It was a stupid question. Neither of them were okay. Lan Zhan glanced at him, then went back to quietly taking off his shoes without responding. 

“Right,” Wei Ying muttered, turning back around. He turned off the stove and dumped his eggs onto a plate, despite them not being as cooked as he had intended. “Sorry. I’m headed out to visit the Wen’s. I was just making myself some breakfast first.” 

There was a long drawn out pause, and then Lan Zhan finally spoke. 

“You still live here. You are allowed to be here.” 

Wei Ying closed his eyes. It was a bad idea to take the bait. He knew it was. He shouldn’t say it. And yet, after a few seconds, he couldn’t help himself. 

“Do you want me here, though?” he asked. 

Lan Zhan didn’t answer directly. Instead, after a long pause, he completely ignored the question.

“I will miss dinner tonight,” Lan Zhan said. “Yuan is going to have dinner at Yanli’s.” 

That non-answer was all the answer Wei Ying needed, and it was a painful one. Lan Zhan wasn’t going to come home for dinner because Yuan wouldn’t be here, and Lan Zhan had no desire to eat with just Wei Ying. Wei Ying knew he deserved it, even if it sucked to hear. After a moment of letting that sink in, Wei Ying nodded to himself. 

“I’ll be back later,” he said quietly, turning around to exit the kitchen. 

“You didn’t eat your eggs,” Lan Zhan pointed out.

“I’m not hungry,” Wei Ying muttered. He walked past Lan Zhan and headed for Lan Zhan’s room. He still kept all his clothes in there, to keep up the facade for Yuan, and he needed to change out of his pajamas to leave the apartment. Lan Zhan didn’t say anything else as he walked away.

Wei Ying’s hands shook as he got dressed. He didn’t know what he was expecting. For Lan Zhan to chase him forever? He’d already fucking done that. He’d waited ten years for Wei Ying, Wei Ying wasn’t allowed to ask for any more than that. He definitely wasn’t allowed to ask for anything after breaking up with Lan Zhan.

No, Wei Ying had asked for this. He had no right to be hurt by it. He could have had something good and happy and stable with Lan Zhan, but he was the one pushing it away. He was punishing Lan Zhan for something that had happened ten years ago, so what the fuck was he expecting Lan Zhan to do? 

Maybe that was what made this so painful. He didn’t even know what he wanted anymore.

Lan Zhan was washing Wei Ying’s plate when Wei Ying re-emerged. Even after all this, Lan Zhan was just there. Cleaning up Wei Ying’s messes. 

Wei Ying didn’t say anything, he just slipped his shoes on and left. 

He was only partially lying to Lan Zhan about where he was going. He did let himself into Wen Qing and Wen Ning’s apartment. Wei Ying just wasn’t expecting anyone to be home. Wen Qing would be at work at this time of day, and Wen Ning had not been home whenever Wei Ying had been here. Apparently he was avoiding Wen Qing quite a bit too. According to her, he was hardly ever home at all.

So he was surprised to walk in and find Wen Ning actually in the apartment for once, sitting on the couch on a laptop. Actually seeing Wen Ning out in the world still caught Wei Ying off guard, and he paused for a second, before his brain caught up.

“Oh, hey,” Wei Ying said tentatively. He suddenly wasn’t sure if he should be here invading Wen Ning’s space. 

But Wen Ning just looked up and smiled at him. Somehow, even under the tattoos and the long hair and the muscular frame, Wen Ning still had his boy-ish smile. It was a relief to see it. Wen Ning had been pretty sullen the last time they interacted.

“What are you doing here?” Wen Ning asked.

Wei Ying shrugged. “Hiding from Lan Zhan,” he answered honestly. “I hope that’s okay. I didn’t think anyone would be home.” 

Wen Ning nodded. “Of course,” he answered. 

Wen Ning didn’t seem to be up for any more conversation than that, because he went back to focusing on his computer. 

Wei Ying, on the other hand, was restless and on edge. He had never been good at sitting still or staying quiet. He really tried to just keep himself occupied, but it lasted all of five minutes before he lost his filter. 

“Are we really just never going to talk about it?” he suddenly challenged.

Wen Ning looked up at the statement. It was clear he knew what Wei Ying was referring to. What else could he be talking about besides the ten year’s worth of a giant elephant in the room?

“We did talk about it,” Wen Ning answered.

Wei Ying raised an eyebrow. “No,” he pushed back. “You told me you confessed because you did it, which makes no sense, and then you walked away.”

Wen Ning shifted uncomfortably. It was clear that Wei Ying was backing him into a corner that he did not want to be in, and maybe Wei Ying was being an asshole for it. He had no idea what kind of button he was pushing. Still, Wen Ning did eventually close his laptop and respond.

“Wei Ying, it is best to put it in the past and move on,” he answered. “We can’t change what happened. I am just grateful to be back home with my sister now.”

“You got involved in this shit because there was a very real threat to me and my family,” Wei Ying argued. “I can’t just move on. I need to know if this is going to become a problem again.”

“There is no more threat,” Wen Ning answered simply.

Wei Ying rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. He didn’t really know how to explain why this was so important to him. He could explain how he didn’t get ten years to process and settle into a new reality like everyone else did, but it was deeper than that. 

“I don’t sleep. I can barely eat. I got my parents murdered. I ruined your life. Wen Qing’s life. Jiang Cheng’s life. Yanli’s life. Jin Ling grew up without a father. Lan Zhan spent a decade raising my kid, because I was practically dead. I’m afraid to let anyone get too close to me, because for me, this has no resolution. I feel terrified. Constantly. Every damn day.  You’re sitting here telling me you have the closure I need, and you won’t give it to me. I don’t know what to do with that.”

Wen Ning took a slow, steadying breath.

“That is why I do not want to tell you,” Wen Ning finally explained. “Because I know you will blame yourself.”

“Yeah, well, I already fucking do blame myself,” Wei Ying bit back. 

Wen Ning still looked hesitant, but he eventually caved. 

“I didn’t murder the Jins,” Wen Ning said slowly. “Not… not exactly.”

It was clear in the way Wen Ning’s voice shook that this was very hard for him to say out loud, but he swallowed and kept going.

“The night I was arrested for possession, I learned that someone in the Jin family had been paying people to dig around about who created yin. They wanted to legalize it as a pharmaceutical painkiller or some bullshit like that. Basically just turn it into a multi-million dollar profit.”

Wei Ying knew the bare bones of that discovery, but not the details. He tensed. After all, The Tiger was the manufacturer, but Wei Ying was technically the one who had created the chemical recipe for yin. Clearly someone had figured that out, which is why he was being targeted.

“Wen Qing told me you suspected Jin Zixun was somehow involved, so I was just following him around, trying to get some information on him,” Wen Ning continued. “I… I didn’t expect…” 

Wen Ning’s voice trembled and he trailed off. Then he cleared his throat and forced himself to keep going.

“Jin Zixun killed Jin Zixuan,” Wen Ning said, apparently choosing to skip over the details and just get to the point. “I watched him do it. And then I tried to run, and he tackled me, and I got a hold of his gun.”

Wen Ning didn’t finish the story, but Wei Ying knew what that implied. Wen Ning didn’t kill both Jins, but he did shoot Jin Zixun. His confession hadn’t been a total lie, even if the life he did take had been in self-defense.

Wei Ying felt like he was going to be sick.

“He is dead now. There is no more threat to you,” Wen Ning said, though he sounded deeply angry. 

Wei Ying couldn’t tell if Wen Ning was angry at him, or just angry about what had happened. Either way, it was clear that Wei Ying should not keep pushing this conversation.

Somehow, it didn’t give Wei Ying the closure he had been hoping for. Logically, that made sense and Wen Ning was right that that meant this was over. But was it really? All of this tragedy, and suddenly, it was just resolved? Emotionally, that felt very hard to believe. It was too much to even process. He suddenly had a million more questions.

Instead of asking any of them, Wei Ying abruptly stood up and went over to the kitchen. He wasn’t hungry in the slightest, but he wouldn’t mind a cup of coffee. As it brewed, he tapped his fingers on the kitchen counter, then turned and paced the length of the kitchen.

Wen Ning was never one to push a conversation, and he didn’t this time either. He just sat silently.

This coffee was taking too damn long. 

Wei Ying didn’t even want coffee. He wanted something far stronger. Something that would really take the edge off. He turned and glanced around the apartment. 

It didn’t even really hit him what he was doing or thinking right away. He didn’t initially realize he was scanning for something he could steal to sell for drugs, but once that realization did catch up to him, he saw just how close he was to the edge of yet another relapse. 

How many times was he going to do this? Hadn’t he learned his lesson by now? Wasn’t learning that Wen Ning had committed murder to fix his mistakes enough to make him stop? 

He glanced at Wen Ning. He would have loved to just be able to talk to him, but Wen Ning felt like a stranger all of a sudden. He’d actually killed someone. In self-defense, and for Wei Ying. But it was very hard to process that information. That revelation, plus ten years in a high security prison, really had changed Wen Ning into someone unrecognizable. Wei Ying didn’t really feel like he could be open with him about what he was thinking right now. 

So he abandoned his brewing cup of coffee and he left. He didn’t even say anything to Wen Ning. He just walked out.

He didn’t know where to go. At first, he considered going to Yanli’s. He knew if he knocked on her door, he’d get a warm hug and a home cooked meal and a shoulder to cry on. But there was something about having just heard the details of her fiance’s murder that made him unable to face her. 

Wen Qing was at work. Things with Lan Zhan were too complicated. 

He had nobody to talk to. He really needed to make more friends. 

Wei Ying ended up just walking through the city. For hours. He wasn’t really sure where he was going, or even what thoughts went through his head as he walked. He just felt kind of numb and restless and only half present in the world. 

The walking did help some. Eventually, he felt a little more present in his own body and in control of himself. Even to the point where he decided that maybe he should try another 12 step meeting. Maybe he hadn’t given it a fair chance, and it might actually be a good place to make some of those friends he was needing. 

He didn’t have a phone on him to look any meetings up, so he hopped on a subway to head to the public library by Lan Zhan’s apartment. There, he logged onto a computer to see where a nearby meeting might be, and then walked over. 

He really tried to keep an open mind. He sat down at a table with a couple of people and introduced himself. They were nice enough. One of them was an older gentleman, and the other looked to be in his early 20s. Wei Ying sort of braced himself, expecting them to start asking him personal questions about why he was here or quizzing him on the 12 steps that he didn’t actually know anything about, but they didn’t. They just made small talk about the weather and the younger guy commented about how they should have gone to a different meeting because the one at the other place had cookies. 

Despite Wei Ying’s open mind, the meeting was just as bad as it was the last time. 

Wei Ying did not understand how people found this helpful. He had just finally gotten the idea of getting high out of his mind, and then he walked in here and listened to a bunch of people talk about how much they missed drugs. 

Halfway through the meeting, he felt like he was buzzing inside and he was itching to get high even worse than he had been at Wen Ning’s apartment. 

He did not stick around to hear the rest. 

He severely regretted the decision to try another meeting, and truthfully, the only thing that stopped him from immediately giving in to the suddenly overwhelming urge to use drugs was the fact that he had absolutely no way of getting any. He had no money, nothing valuable on him, and he didn’t even have a phone to even try to see if he could reach The Tiger and offer to deal for a night.

There was a small part of him that had the idea that maybe he still could find something at the apartment to sell. That maybe Lan Zhan had missed hiding something. 

He told himself he wasn’t going to do that. He was just going to go home and ignore these crazy thoughts and be fine. He had to. He couldn’t relapse again. 

So he went home. Whether or not he was choosing the first option or the second was still a little up in the air, but he at least told himself it was the second. 

It was already dark out by the time he got to the apartment. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but Lan Zhan had said there would be no family dinner tonight so Wei Ying figured he didn’t have a curfew.

Yuan’s door was closed and there was no light coming out from under it, which meant he was probably already in bed. Lan Zhan’s door was also closed, but the light was on. That meant he was still awake.

Wei Ying could not stop the buzzing feeling in his skin. He eventually realized that he had been pacing back and forth across the living room. He forced himself to stop, ran a hand through his hair, and took a deep breath. 

He glanced around. 

He caught himself faster this time than he had at the Wens. He knew he was looking for something to sell. He reminded himself that he was not going to do that. 

Then he looked at Lan Zhan’s door again.

It would be really unfair of Wei Ying to turn to Lan Zhan right now. Not with where things stood between them. It was awful to expect Lan Zhan to be his support system. But Wei Ying decided it would be more unfair to both Lan Zhan and Yuan for Wei Ying to go get fucked up on yin again tonight.

So he walked up to the door and he knocked. 

There was a silence that made Wei Ying wonder if Lan Zhan really wasn’t awake after all, and then just as Wei Ying was about to turn around and leave, Lan Zhan responded. 

“Yes?” 

It wasn’t warm or friendly. Lan Zhan clearly didn’t want to be bothered. Wei Ying opened the door anyway.

“Hey,” Wei Ying said nervously. “Are you busy?” 

Lan Zhan was just sitting in his bed reading. He was a creature of habit, after all. 

“I was just getting ready for bed,” Lan Zhan answered. 

It was a polite way of saying he wasn’t busy, but didn’t want to deal with Wei Ying either. Wei Ying didn’t know if he should keep trying or give up at that point. It was clear his presence was unwanted, and he really wasn’t in the head space to try to insist. 

But just as he was about to nod and see himself back out, he found some last drop of motivation somewhere inside of him.

“I hate to do this to you, but it’s kind of an emergency. I am really not okay right now,” he admitted.

Lan Zhan sat up, suddenly paying more attention. He looked Wei Ying over, then closed his book and put it on his end table. 

“Come in,” Lan Zhan said. 

Wei Ying stepped inside and closed the door behind him so they wouldn’t disturb Yuan, then went and sat at the foot of Lan Zhan’s bed. 

“What’s wrong?” Lan Zhan asked. 

That was such a complicated question.

Wei Ying didn’t want to share everything he had learned from Wen Ning. It was still too much to comprehend, and it wasn’t really his secret to share.

“I learned something. I don’t feel like I can talk about it. But it feels absolutely horrible and I… I don’t know how to deal with it.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t say anything in response. Wei Ying knew that his answer had been vague and cryptic, but he didn’t know what else to say.

“So I tried to go to an NA meeting,” Wei Ying admitted, mostly to fill the uncomfortable silence. “But it just…” he looked away, not really wanting to see Lan Zhan’s reaction to any of this. He stared at the wall in front of him instead. “It really fucked with my head.” 

Lan Zhan still didn’t respond. He was just staring at Wei Ying. This wasn’t helpful if Lan Zhan was just going to sit and silently glare at him. 

“Sorry,” Wei Ying muttered. “I shouldn’t be dumping this on you. I just feel like I am on the edge of doing something really stupid.” 

“Don’t apologize,” Lan Zhan finally spoke. “I am glad you came to me.” 

“Are you?” Wei Ying asked skeptically. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan insisted. “Of course I am.” 

Wei Ying wanted to believe that, but hearing it just kind of made him feel like crying. 

“I asked you a question this morning and you didn’t answer it,” Wei Ying muttered. 

“What question?” Lan Zhan asked. 

Wei Ying shook his head. He didn’t want to ask it again. He didn’t want to guilt Lan Zhan into answering it. He wouldn’t be able to trust the answer anyway if he did that. 

Apparently, Lan Zhan wasn’t actually confused though, because a moment later he answered it anyway. 

“Yes. I want you here,” Lan Zhan said firmly. “It’s just… difficult.” 

That was enough to make Wei Ying crack. A few tears spilled over. He knew this was his fault. He was the one causing this pain for the both of them. 

“I wish I could be what you need me to be,” Wei Ying said quietly. 

He hadn’t noticed Lan Zhan moving towards him, but suddenly Lan Zhan was next to him and gently taking his hand. 

“Stop,” Lan Zhan said softly. “I am okay. Do not worry about what I need.”

Wei Ying took in a shaky breath and nodded. 

“What do you need right now?” Lan Zhan asked, squeezing his hand gently. 

Wei Ying wasn’t really sure he knew the answer to that. Lan Zhan didn’t have the ability to fix any of the things that were weighing on Wei Ying tonight. But just this had helped a little. 

“I think I just don’t want to be alone,” Wei Ying answered. 

“Lay down,” Lan Zhan suggested. “I can read to you.” 

Wei Ying nodded. He stood up and went to lie down on the other side of the bed. Lan Zhan went back to where he had been sitting to read and opened his book. 

Wei Ying had no context about the book that he was suddenly jumping into halfway through, but Lan Zhan’s voice was soothing. This feeling was familiar to Wei Ying, though he wasn’t quite sure why. 

Eventually, he closed his eyes and let Lan Zhan’s voice lull him to sleep.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying slept a bit, but not well. What Wen Ning told him was still running through his mind, even in his sleep. At some point he jolted awake, thinking he had heard a gunshot.

There was no gunshot, of course. Just Lan Zhan, sleeping soundly beside him. 

It was weird waking up next to Lan Zhan right now. Wei Ying knew it wasn’t at all fair to Lan Zhan to be sending so many mixed messages. He also knew Lan Zhan didn’t care how cruel Wei Ying was, because it beat the alternative of Wei Ying relapsing again.

Lan Zhan was too damn good of a human being. Wei Ying would never understand what it was that made someone like Lan Zhan fall in love with him. Why Lan Zhan kept insisting, no matter how much Wei Ying fucked up his own and everyone else’s lives, that Wei Ying was a good person too. 

But Wei Ying wasn’t a good person. Wei Ying was a violent person. A drug addict. An absentee father. A criminal. 

Everything Wei Ying did was wrong. Even right now, he was doing something wrong. He should not be in Lan Zhan’s bed. But if he got up and left, that would be wrong too. Waking up to find Wei Ying gone would leave Lan Zhan scared and hurt. 

There was no choice that was right. Because Wei Ying wasn’t capable of doing the right thing. He could only fuck up. 

Since he was damned either way, Wei Ying got up. He tiptoed around to Lan Zhan’s nightstand. Yuan always had to turn his cell phone in at 9pm, so it was sitting there charging next to Lan Zhan’s. Wei Ying grabbed it, then snuck out of the room. 

He wanted some fresh air, but he already knew that if Lan Zhan came out and found him on the balcony, that would cause way more drama than anybody needed. So he chose to go hide himself away in his guest room instead. 

He sat on the bed and dialed Wen Qing’s number. 

He wasn’t sure that she would answer. According to Yuan’s cell phone, it was a little past 2am. But it only took a couple of rings before the call connected. 

“Yuan?” Wen Qing asked, sounding extremely concerned.

“No, it’s me,” Wei Ying said, his voice hushed to avoid waking anyone. 

“You’re an ass,” Wen Qing snapped. 

Clearly her worry at the idea of Yuan calling at 2am did not extend to Wei Ying. Wei Ying was caught off guard by the hostility, but it proved his point. He could never make the right choice. Not in any scenario. He didn’t even know what he had done wrong this time.

He didn’t actually say anything in response, but Wen Qing chose to answer his unspoken question. 

“Wen Ning won’t even tell me what you two talked about, but he said it was a hard conversation. Then you just disappear? Do you know how upset he’s been? What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

Wei Ying didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have any explanation that would excuse the fact that he was constantly running. Never able to stick around and deal with his problems. He just wasn’t a good person. 

So much for hoping Wen Qing could be someone he could talk to about all the shit that was in his head right now. 

“Answer me,” Wen Qing demanded, once Wei Ying had apparently been silent for too long. 

“Which question do you want me to answer?” Wei Ying bit out. 

“What?”

“Yes, I just disappeared. No, I didn’t know how upset he’s been, because I am a selfish piece of shit that didn’t even think about it. I guess that answers your third question too,” Wei Ying snapped, his voice cracking slightly.

“Wei Ying,” Wen Qing’s tone was more apologetic this time, clearly realizing slightly too late that Wei Ying was not in a place to hear a lecture.

Wei Ying didn’t respond. He just leaned his head against the wall behind him and took a shaky breath. 

“Hey, where are you right now?” she asked, far more gently this time. 

“I’m at… Lan Zhan’s place,” Wei Ying answered. He wasn’t sure why he couldn’t call it home. He lived here too. It just didn’t sit right to say it. 

“Do you have anything on you?” 

“No,” Wei Ying answered dully. He knew why she was asking, and he still hated the question.

“Where’s your head at?” 

Wei Ying shrugged, even though she couldn’t see it. 

“I can’t sleep,” he said, his annoyance bleeding through again. He honestly regretted calling her at all. “Can I talk to Wen Ning?”

Wei Ying thought maybe the answer would be no based on the way she hesitated, but eventually she sighed. 

“Yeah,” she relented. “Give me a sec.”

There was the sound of movement, then a door opening, then the muffled and hushed voice of Wen Qing waking Wen Ning up. Wei Ying couldn’t make out what she was saying. Then there was more movement.

“Hello?” Wen Ning asked a moment later. At least over the phone, when Wei Ying couldn’t see the face tattoos and the muscular physique, Wen Ning sounded exactly how he used to. Like none of this had ever happened.

“Hey,” Wei Ying answered. “I… Sorry for just walking out.”

“Are you okay?” Wen Ning didn’t even bother to acknowledge the apology. He wasn’t one to hold a grudge.

“Yeah,” Wei Ying answered. “It was just a lot to process.” 

“I know,” Wen Ning sighed. 

“Can I ask you another question about what you told me?” Wei Ying asked hesitantly. He didn’t really want to re-open the door to this conversation again, but there was one thing that had been gnawing at him all day.

Wen Ning also hesitated, but then responded.

“Okay.”

“Why do you think he did it?” 

The idea that Jin Zixun was the one who was threatening Wei Ying was not that far-fetched. He had been Wei Ying’s primary suspect back then. But why would he murder his own cousin? That part didn’t make any sense. What was the motive for that? 

“I don’t know,” Wen Ning answered. “Does it matter? It was ten years ago.” 

Wei Ying wanted to answer, but before he could, the door to the guest room opened slightly and Lan Zhan peeked his head inside.

Lan Zhan saw that he was on the phone and left again, but he left the door open, which was a clear sign that Wei Ying was not going to be afforded the privacy he wanted. That was only confirmed by the fact that Lan Zhan did not go back to his own bedroom, but instead Wei YIng could hear him doing something in the kitchen. 

“I found a radish,” Wei Ying muttered quietly. 

They used to say that, back when Yuan was a toddler. It started because Wei Ying had decided to start a garden in the window, and when he failed to grow anything at all, Wen Qing had teased him about it. So he picked up Yuan, plopped him in the planter, and declared he had grown a radish. But from there, radish had just become a silly code word used to remind each other that there were little ears nearby and they needed to watch their words. 

It might not be little ears this time, but it was enough to at least let Wen Ning know the gist of why Wei Ying was shutting down the conversation. Maybe it was the fact that they were talking about Lan Zhan’s ex being a murderer, or maybe it was because Lan Zhan already thought Wen Ning was the murderer and Wei Ying was not about to confirm that for him. Whatever it was, he did not feel comfortable letting Lan Zhan overhear this. 

“I have to go,” Wei Ying sighed. 

Wen Ning said goodnight, and then Wei Ying ended the call. He didn’t stand up right away. He just stared at the open door, not sure how to address it. Lan Zhan had every right to be worried about him, considering how this night had started. But on the other hand, Wei Ying was a grown adult and he wanted to be treated like one. 

He took a deep breath, then stood up and walked out to the kitchen.

Lan Zhan was acting like he was making tea, but he had clearly been taking his time with it and just using it as an excuse to eavesdrop. He was only just putting the kettle on as Wei Ying walked out. 

Wei Ying put Yuan’s phone on the counter.

“Who drinks tea at 3am?” Wei Ying challenged, in order to point out that he knew exactly what Lan Zhan was doing.

Lan Zhan didn’t turn around or bother to try to explain himself.

“Who were you talking to?” Lan Zhan asked instead as he chose his favorite tea leaves.

“Wen Ning,” Wei Ying answered. It’s not like he had any reason to hide the answer. Lan Zhan had made his own feelings about Wen Ning clear, but that didn’t mean Wei Ying was just going to stop being friends with him. 

Sure enough, Lan Zhan clenched his jaw but bit his tongue about his opinion on that. 

“You stole Yuan’s phone,” Lan Zhan said instead. It was clearly the closest he was willing to get to sharing his displeasure about this whole situation. 

“I borrowed Yuan’s phone,” Wei Ying corrected. “I’m returning it, see?” He gestured to the phone on the counter. 

“If you take something without asking first, it is stealing. Borrowing requires permission,” Lan Zhan argued. 

Wei Ying scoffed slightly. Was Lan Zhan actually going to pick a fight about this, of all things? And after the night Wei Ying had had? Unlike Lan Zhan, Wei Ying did not have the patience or self-control to keep his opinions to himself. 

“Fine, Lan Zhan. I stole the phone. How dare I call someone to talk me down instead of sneaking out to go get fucked up on drugs.” 

Lan Zhan finally gave up his pretense of focusing on the tea and turned around to look at Wei Ying. 

“You could have woken me up,” Lan Zhan said, though this time it was without the argumentative tone. 

“Yeah, well, you’re kind of hard to talk to sometimes,” Wei Ying responded honestly. 

“Why?” 

Wei Ying raised an eyebrow at the question. Surely Lan Zhan understood just how complicated things were between them these days. Why would he even be asking why? Yet, Lan Zhan was just staring at him expectantly, waiting for a response. 

Wei Ying could answer that in a lot of different ways, but he decided to go with one of the easier answers.

“Well for one, you don’t always know the difference between dealing with me and parenting Yuan,” Wei Ying replied. “There’s a lot of rules and they can be kind of suffocating sometimes.”

Lan Zhan’s brow furrowed.

“I do not make rules for you,” Lan Zhan said slowly, sounding confused. “You would not follow them if I tried.”

“No, not explicitly,” Wei Ying agreed. “But I always know what’s going to piss you off or make you panic.”

“So you don’t like that I have feelings?” Lan Zhan asked flatly.

When he put it that way, it sounded terrible. Wei Ying shrugged anyway.

“Sometimes,” he repeated. 

Lan Zhan still looked very confused. Wei Ying tried to explain.

“It’s not your feelings. It’s your reaction. I walked out on Wen Ning today in the middle of a really intense conversation. He was worried, but he didn’t chase after me or start a search party over it. He gave me space and waited for me to call. Whereas when I tell you that I’m struggling, you decide I need to be evaluated at the hospital, or that I can’t be let out of your sight.” 

Lan Zhan just stared at Wei Ying for a second, then wordlessly turned around and went to get the tea kettle. He silently poured it into a pot, let it steep, then poured it into two mugs and put one down in front of Wei Ying. His expression was completely unreadable, but there was a noticeable tension in the air that grew more palpable the longer the silence drew on.

“That’s because when you walk out on me, you get shot,” Lan Zhan finally said darkly. “Or we find you unconscious in a drug den with a needle still hanging out of your arm.” 

Wei Ying flinched slightly at that reminder, but he didn’t shy away from the conversation. It was something they needed to talk about.

“Lan Zhan, if my mind is truly set on doing something stupid, you’re not going to be able to stop me,” he said honestly. “But I probably would have talked to you about where my head was at that day if I hadn’t been pissed off at you for telling Wen Qing what I told you about my dealer. You wanted us to not have secrets between us, but that means that if I tell you something, it needs to stay between us.” 

Lan Zhan took a sip of his tea before replying.

“So it is my fault that you relapsed?” Lan Zhan challenged. 

“No,” Wei Ying answered firmly. “I am responsible for my own decisions. That’s my point. You can’t control me, so I need you to stop trying. Because right now, I don’t feel like I trust you.” 

Wei Ying knew this would be hard for Lan Zhan to hear, but it needed to be said. 

Lan Zhan definitely did not look pleased. He picked up his mug again, then set it down without drinking. Opened his mouth to respond, then closed it. He seemed to really be fighting with himself over whether or not he wanted to say something. Finally, he responded. 

“You trust Wen Ning,” Lan Zhan said. It wasn’t framed as a question, but Wei Ying could hear the disbelief in it. “He is either a murderer, or lied to cover for a murderer, and yet you still trust him more than you trust me.”

So much for this conversation. Wei Ying was not willing to go there. It was way too raw and the exact thing that had already nearly pushed him to relapse earlier. 

“Let’s talk about something else,” Wei Ying requested. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan argued. “You are asking a lot from me, I deserve to be able to explain why I think -” 

“Pick a new topic,” Wei Ying demanded, interrupting whatever possibly hurtful Lan Zhan was about to say. “Lan Zhan, I’m serious. I can’t handle this one.”

Lan Zhan didn’t seem to want to let it go, but he knew better than to ignore Wei Ying saying something like that. He stopped pushing it and took a deep breath. 

“I have been thinking about moving out of New York City,” Lan Zhan said. 

“Oh,” Wei Ying replied. That was a wild left turn he hadn’t been expecting. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with that. “To where?”

“I don’t know,” Lan Zhan answered. “Not far. A suburb. Yuan enjoys his school. It would be nice to have a house, though.” 

Wei Ying wasn’t sure if Lan Zhan was telling him this just to change the subject, or if he wanted Wei Ying’s opinion on it. He also wasn’t sure what this meant for him. Was he invited to move with them, even if they weren’t together? Or was this Lan Zhan’s way of telling him to start looking for somewhere else to live? 

“Why now?” Wei Ying asked.

“I have thought about it for years,” Lan Zhan explained. “This place is… full of a lot of hard memories.”

Wei Ying knew what he was talking about. He saw it in Lan Zhan especially, but even Wei Ying paused sometimes when he looked at the balcony or the bathroom mirror. 

“But it was also too hard to let go of before,” Lan Zhan continued. “Until… recently.”

Wei Ying took that to mean that now that they were broken up, Lan Zhan was finally choosing to let go.

“You deserve to move forward,” Wei Ying answered, doing his best to sound supportive and not let his hurt show.

Lan Zhan stared at him like he was trying to read his reaction, then took another sip of his tea. 

“I have not fully decided yet,” Lan Zhan said, as if to soften the blow. Then Lan Zhan glanced at Wei Ying’s untouched cup of tea and sighed. He grabbed the mug and took it to the sink to dump it out. 

Wei Ying thought maybe he was angry that Wei Ying had rejected the tea, but he truly didn’t expect what happened next. Lan Zhan rinsed the mug, then set it on the counter and opened the freezer. He pulled out a large bag of frozen cauliflower, then opened it to reveal a pint of ice cream inside. He proceeded to scoop two scoops of ice cream into the mug.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying exclaimed in mock horror. “That ice cream is not vegan! Why do you have that?” 

“Yuan and his friends started keeping a secret ice cream stash here since he was seven,” Lan Zhan answered. “I pretend to not know it is there.” 

Wei Ying laughed. It was probably the first genuine smile he’d cracked in days. Weeks, even. 

At the sound of Wei Ying’s laugh, Lan Zhan seemed to lose some of the tension in his shoulders too. This was probably the first truly casual interaction they had had since the break-up. It was definitely a relief. 

“Isn’t he going to notice it’s been eaten?” Wei Ying asked. “He’s going to know that you know.” 

Lan Zhan put the mug and a spoon down in front of Wei Ying.

“Know what?” Lan Zhan asked, playing dumb. “You are the one eating ice cream.” 

“Oh, so you’re just framing me as the ice cream thief?” he asked skeptically, even as he eagerly picked up the spoon.

“Mn,” was all Lan Zhan said. Then he turned to put the ice cream carton away again.

Wei Ying smirked. Lan Zhan really was full of surprises. 

Lan Zhan brought his mug of tea over to the opposite side of the kitchen island so that he could sit on a stool next to Wei Ying. Wei Ying happily dug into his ice cream. 

However, the brief respite of levity didn’t last long. Lan Zhan couldn’t seem to help turning the conversation serious again. 

“How long have you been going to NA meetings?” Lan Zhan prompted. 

Wei Ying hesitated, but then shook his head. He didn’t want Lan Zhan to misunderstand. 

“It was a bad idea. I left early. I don’t like them. They make it worse.” 

“How?” Lan Zhan asked. 

“It’s hard to explain,” Wei Ying answered. “I just… when I’m in that kind of headspace, if I want to get high, I get really restless. It’s like I’m buzzing out of my skin and I need to find something to relieve the pressure.” 

“I know,” Lan Zhan answered. 

Wei Ying looked at him quizzically. 

“You don’t sit still,” Lan Zhan explained. “You fidget and look like a frightened animal.” 

So Lan Zhan could read it. That explained why he was always reaching out to touch and ground Wei Ying in those moments. 

“Yeah, so expecting me to sit still in a room full of people talking about drugs is pure torture,” Wei Ying continued. “It’s like asking a rabbit to sit still in a room full of dogs, while the dogs all point out the wonderful hole in front of the rabbit that it could escape into if it wanted to.” 

“Maybe you just need to find a different thing to escape into,” Lan Zhan replied.

Wei Ying frowned. “Like what?” 

Lan Zhan just shrugged slightly. Whatever else he was thinking, he didn’t share it. He just got up to wash both their mugs out.

“You should sleep,” Lan Zhan said.

Wei Ying wasn’t sure he could actually turn his brain back off, but he nodded anyway. He said goodnight and turned to walk back into the guest room. He knew he had originally fallen asleep in Lan Zhan’s room, but they were not together, and it was still important to him to be mindful of Lan Zhan’s feelings in all of this. 

Lan Zhan didn’t say anything about it.

Chapter Text

On Saturdays, Wei Ying usually had to wake up early. He couldn’t just wait for Yuan to go to school before he emerged from his guest room like he did during the week. He had to come out of Lan Zhan’s room in the mornings, which meant he had to go into Lan Zhan’s room before Yuan was awake. 

Except, because he had been up late eating ice cream and talking to Lan Zhan, he didn’t wake up on time. Now he had no idea how to explain to Yuan why he was coming out of the guest room this morning. 

He could hear Yuan and Lan Zhan making breakfast. He even smelled fresh coffee, which he knew Lan Zhan must have made specifically for him, since Lan Zhan and Yuan both only drank tea.

Eventually, he decided the best approach was to just pretend nothing was weird. Trying too hard to explain himself would just make it more suspicious. So he emerged from the guest room and said nothing. Yuan didn’t ask, of course. He was too polite for that. 

Lan Zhan set a mug of coffee down for Wei Ying as soon as he walked out. 

“Coffee? Who are you and what have you done with Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying teased.

Lan Zhan ignored the remark and turned around to continue cooking, but Yuan smiled slightly. He seemed to be in a better mood this morning than he had been in awhile.

“Wait until you see what he is making for breakfast,” Yuan replied. 

That perked Wei Ying’s interest, and he leaned over the kitchen island to try and see what Lan Zhan was cooking, but Lan Zhan shifted his body to block Wei Ying’s view. 

“It’s pancakes,” Yuan whispered beside him. 

“Pancakes!” Wei Ying exclaimed. “Lan Zhan, do you even know how to make pancakes?” 

Lan Zhan looked over his shoulder and glared at Yuan for ruining the surprise, then glared at Wei Ying for his commentary. 

“Of course I do,” Lan Zhan answered. 

The pancakes explained Yuan’s good mood, at least. 

Wei Ying, on the other hand, had a slightly unsettled feeling that Lan Zhan was doing all of this just because of their conversation last night. Wei Ying actually thought they left it in a good place. But coffee and pancakes were an apology, at best, or a pity party, at worst. Either way, that meant Lan Zhan clearly did not walk away from that conversation feeling okay.

It wasn’t something they could discuss right now, so Wei Ying tried to push his worry away and focus on the fact that Yuan was actually smiling and engaging with him this morning. That was definitely progress from the sullen teen they’d had on their hands since Wei Ying’s relapse. 

The pancakes ended up being good. They were definitely not normal pancakes. They were probably made with something weird and healthy like flax seed or oat milk. But they were still pancakes, so Wei Ying wasn’t going to complain.

As they ate, Lan Zhan announced that he wanted the three of them to spend the day together doing family things. So Wei Ying went to Lan Zhan’s room to change, and then the three of them were off to some art museum.

Wei Ying usually liked art. He remembered that prior to his coma, he spent a lot of time drawing. He had not picked that hobby back up again, but part of that was because he used to mostly draw while on drugs. It was a good way to channel his high. 

That memory, though, made the art museum feel uncomfortably similar to the NA meeting. Looking at art right now was just a constant reminder of how good those days felt, to just get high and draw and forget about the world, and Wei Ying found himself resisting the itch once again. 

Yuan seemed to be enjoying himself, at least. He apparently was the type of person that likes to read every plaque at a museum and absorb as much information as he possibly could. Lan Zhan was also that type of person. So as the two of them slowly meandered from painting to painting at a snail’s pace, Wei Ying hung back and watched them. 

It was hard not to feel left out sometimes, when he watched Lan Zhan and Yuan. Yuan had learned so many of Lan Zhan’s habits, and the two of them had such a strong bond. Wei Ying had slowly been building a connection with Yuan again since waking up, but it was nothing like the ten years of being raised by Lan Zhan. Not to mention that connection had been significantly fractured by recent events. This morning at breakfast was the first time Yuan had smiled or gotten even the slightest bit playful with Wei Ying since the relapse.

Thinking about this was not helping the itch under Wei Ying’s skin. He looked away from them and turned to wander around the exhibit again instead. This room was nothing but landscapes. Lan Zhan and Yuan seemed impressed, but Wei Ying hated landscape paintings. There was no meaning to a landscape painting, other than it just looked pretty.

Since the art didn’t interest him, he couldn’t stop his mind from continuing to wander. 

Wei Ying could admit things still weren’t good. He had shit to work through, clearly. His current state was proof of that. He wasn’t fixed or healthy, and neither was their relationship. But wasn’t their conversation last night at least a step in the right direction? Why did Lan Zhan think he needed to do all of this with the pancakes and the family day the next morning?

Was it really about Wen Ning? Lan Zhan was just never going to approve of that friendship? He was clearly hurt last night when he commented on how Wei Ying seemed to trust Wen Ning more than him. 

Lan Zhan and Wen Qing had become friends. Clearly, Lan Zhan was capable of overcoming his bias towards her, but for some reason, he had it out for Wen Ning.

But everything Wen Ning did was for Wei Ying. So how could Lan Zhan hate him for that, while also claiming Wei Ying was worth saving? What was really so different between Wei Ying and Wen Ning? If anything, Wen Ning was a better person than Wei Ying was. He never did drugs, even when growing up in a family of drug dealers. Until Wei Ying got him caught up in all this shit, he had no criminal record at all. He was quiet and gentle and kind and loyal.

Meanwhile, Wei Ying had been getting into trouble for as long as he could remember. All he knew how to do was cause trouble. 

Wei Ying glanced back at Lan Zhan and Yuan. They were both staring at a large painting on the wall. They even stood in the same pose. It was like watching Lan Zhan and his clone.

Wei Ying exhaled a breath and then turned and left the exhibit. It’s not like they were paying any attention to him anyway. 

He wandered into the next exhibit instead. He still wasn’t really looking at much of the art with how preoccupied his thoughts were, but he did stop in front of one painting that caught his eye. 

It was just a black canvas with red wisps of paint smeared on. 

It was only a minute or so before Lan Zhan stepped up next to him. Apparently Wei Ying was wrong. Lan Zhan had been paying attention to him the entire time and had noticed as soon as he left. 

“It’s interesting,” Lan Zhan commented, staring at the painting.

“I like it,” Wei Ying replied. 

“What is it supposed to be?” Lan Zhan asked. 

Wei Ying shrugged. “It’s abstract art. Why does it have to be anything?”

“Isn’t art supposed to represent something?” 

Wei Ying looked over at him, and saw him frowning slightly at the painting, as if he could unlock it by staring hard enough. 

“You and I are very different people,” Wei Ying suddenly commented. 

Lan Zhan turned to meet Wei Ying’s gaze, looking slightly concerned at the remark, or maybe just at the hostile tone of it. 

“In what way?” Lan Zhan asked hesitantly.

“You like landscape paintings,” Wei Ying accused. 

Lan Zhan tilted his head questioningly, but Wei Ying didn’t explain why this difference of taste in art annoyed him. So eventually Lan Zhan looked back at the painting. 

“I like paintings of real things,” Lan Zhan answered. 

“This is a painting of a feeling,” Wei Ying argued. “That’s a real thing.” 

“How do you paint a feeling?” Lan Zhan asked. 

“Like this,” Wei Ying gestured at the painting in front of them. 

Lan Zhan studied the painting even harder. 

“Is it anger?” he eventually asked. 

“Anger is usually loud and chaotic. This is quiet. See how much empty space there is? All this black?” 

“So it is empty?” Lan Zhan asked. “Depression?” 

Wei Ying shook his head. “No, I think you’re right about the anger. It’s just a quiet anger. I think it’s resentment.” 

Lan Zhan stared at the painting, still looking confused. Then he looked back at Wei Ying. 

“You are restless,” Lan Zhan pointed out, switching topics from the painting entirely.

Wei Ying knew exactly what the statement implied. After their conversation last night, he now knew that Lan Zhan could definitely read the signs. So he knew what Lan Zhan was asking. 

Wei Ying glanced around the room, but Yuan wasn’t in here. He must have still been in the landscape exhibit.

“Kind of,” Wei Ying reluctantly admitted. 

“Can I help?” 

Wei Ying shrugged.

“I don’t know. I guess I just don’t really want to be here,” Wei Ying answered.

Lan Zhan nodded. “We can leave,” he answered immediately.

Lan Zhan started to turn to go get Yuan, but then seemed to reconsider. He must have remembered what happened last time he left Wei Ying alone for a second after Wei Ying said he needed to leave a place, because he instead stayed where he was and pulled out his phone to call Yuan. He gave no explanation. He simply told Yuan they were leaving, and asked Yuan to meet them at the car.

Lan Zhan didn’t take them home. Instead, he took them out to lunch. He was apparently still set on this idea of a family day. 

Wei Ying didn’t say much as they sat down to eat, and since he was usually the one to fill the silence, they all just quietly looked through the menus. It was an organic, farm-to-fork restaurant. The kind of place where you spend too much money on a meal that tastes like cardboard. Exactly the kind of place Lan Zhan and Yuan seemed to like. 

Wei Ying was hit with another feeling of just how much he didn’t fit into this picture. 

Lan Zhan suddenly put a hand on Wei Ying’s knee. The touch was so unexpected that Wei Ying almost jumped out of his skin, and then he realized that flightiness was probably exactly why Lan Zhan was reaching for him. Sure enough, he looked up at Lan Zhan and saw him staring at him, a silent question in his eyes. Lan Zhan’s touch was just trying to pull Wei Ying back from wherever he was in his head. 

Wei Ying didn’t know why he did half the things he did, or why his instinct was always to push buttons and cause trouble. He definitely didn’t know why he said what he said next. 

“I want to take you to meet Wen Ning,” he suddenly announced, turning towards Yuan.

He waited to see if Lan Zhan was going to lose his shit, but Lan Zhan didn’t really react, other than to take his hand back off of Wei Ying’s knee. 

“Wen Qing tried to take me to meet him once,” Yuan answered, completely oblivious to the tension of the conversation. “He doesn’t let anyone visit.” 

“He’s not in prison anymore,” Wei Ying shared. “He won his appeal. A judge released him. He is staying with Wen Qing. I think he’d want to meet you.” 

It was noticeable, and interesting, the way Yuan’s interest seemed to perk. Even more interesting was Lan Zhan suddenly interjecting himself into the conversation. 

“I have always encouraged Yuan to stay connected to his biological family,” Lan Zhan stated defensively, as if Wei Ying was accusing him of something different. 

Wei Ying ignored the tension that was brewing. He already knew what he was doing. 

“Cool! I’ll ask him when he’s available,” Wei Ying said, still addressing Yuan.

Lan Zhan shifted slightly in his seat, and at that point, Wei Ying decided to stop while he was still ahead. He had the advantage of the fact that Yuan’s presence was a buffer, but there was still a line out there somewhere that, if he crossed it, could make Lan Zhan lose his temper even in front of Yuan. He decided to change the subject.

“Yuan, do you like abstract art?” Wei Ying asked curiously. 

Yuan shrugged. “I honestly don’t know much about it,” he answered. “I would love to learn about it, though.” 

They were interrupted by the waiter coming to take their orders. Wei Ying hadn’t actually found anything on the menu he liked. He ordered a quinoa bowl, even though it sounded awful. 

The rest of lunch didn’t go much better. Wei Ying was still very much on edge, and he didn’t really have it in him to carry the conversation anymore. Yuan and Lan Zhan spoke a little about a school project he was working on. Beyond that, the conversation seemed to dwindle. 

Wei Ying did not eat his quinoa bowl. It looked wholly unappetizing. He poked around in it for a few minutes to see if there was anything good in it, but found nothing but disappointment. 

Then Lan Zhan drove them home. Lan Zhan said nothing the entire drive home, but finally spoke as he pulled his car into his parking spot. 

“Yuan, we will meet you inside,” Lan Zhan said, his tone serious enough that it even seemed to make Yuan tense slightly. 

Yuan didn’t ask, though. He just nodded and got out of the car and headed into the building. Wei Ying figured this was where he was about to get torn apart for the Wen Ning conversation. He braced himself for the fight. 

Lan Zhan was silent for a moment, and then he finally looked over at Wei Ying. 

“Do I need to be worried?” Lan Zhan asked. 

Wei Ying frowned. He had to be referring to Wei Ying’s restlessness all morning. Still, that was a very weird way to presumably ask if Wei Ying was okay. What was he supposed to say to that question? He couldn’t promise anything.

“Lan Zhan, I don’t know,” Wei Ying sighed. 

Lan Zhan took a breath. He seemed to contemplate the answer, then nodded. Then he silently got out of the car. 

Wei Ying was so shocked that he froze for a second, then let out a small scoff of disbelief. That was it? That was the whole conversation? Lan Zhan was just going to leave it at that and walk inside?

He didn’t feel like he had any choice but to get out of the car and follow Lan Zhan inside, so that’s what he did. They walked silently into the building and rode up the elevator to the penthouse. 

Wei Ying had no idea what Lan Zhan was thinking. Lan Zhan still didn’t say anything as he let them into the penthouse, and then he suddenly turned and walked away into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. Yuan had clearly already retreated back into his own room as well, as his door was also shut. It was only the middle of the afternoon and yet both Lans were retiring to their bedrooms.

Whatever happened just now, it was at least very clear that Lan Zhan didn’t want to talk. 

Wei Ying was stunned. How did this go from family day to this? 

Then he was hit with an overwhelming urge. If he thought he had been on edge earlier, he had no idea how much worse it could get. 

Wei Ying was alone. He was so fucking alone. He didn’t even have a damn phone to call anyone. 

Fuck it. 

He turned and walked into Yuan’s room. He didn’t even bother to knock. Yuan was sitting on the floor with the rabbits and looked up at him when he barged in. 

“Can I borrow your phone?” Wei Ying asked. 

He must have looked as crazed as he felt inside, because Yuan hesitated. 

“I don’t think…” Yuan said nervously. 

“Yuan, give me the damn phone,” Wei Ying snapped at him. 

Yuan tensed, then reluctantly stood up and went to get his phone off his bed. He held it out silently for Wei Ying, but he didn’t look happy about it. Wei Ying knew this interaction wasn’t helping their already fractured relationship, but that was not a problem he could dwell on right now. He just grabbed the phone and left the room again. Then he left the penthouse altogether. He didn’t take the elevator. Instead, he went to sit in the building’s stairwell. 

He tried calling Wen Ning, but he didn’t answer. Then he tried Wen Qing. She didn’t answer either. He stared at the phone for a second, contemplating. Then he sighed. 

He had the next number memorized. At least, he did if it hadn’t changed in the last ten years. He dialed it, and it rang five times before he got a voicemail. 

At least Wei Ying knew it was the right number. He dialed again. 

This time, it rang twice, then connected. 

“Hello?” 

“It’s Wei Ying,” Wei Ying said flatly. 

Jiang Cheng immediately went absolutely silent on the other end. Yanli had told Wei Ying when he woke up that Jiang Cheng was doing business abroad, but would drop by to visit when he came back to New York. That had never happened. Not even a phone call. So Wei Ying knew this was a bad idea from the start. But at this point, he didn’t feel like he had much to lose. 

“Is it a bad time?” Wei Ying asked. It wasn’t a very sincere question. He already knew any time would be a bad time for a call. 

“What do you want?” Jiang Cheng finally asked. 

“Right now, to get high,” Wei Ying answered honestly. 

“Are you serious?” Jiang Cheng asked in disbelief. “And what? You expect me to talk you off the ledge?” 

“No, I was kind of hoping you’d push me over it, to tell you the truth,” Wei Ying replied. 

There was another momentary pause. 

“You haven’t changed at all, have you?” Jiang Cheng muttered.

“Guess not,” Wei Ying answered. 

He was prepared for Jiang Cheng to say something cruel. It genuinely was why he had called. Maybe he just wanted an excuse. Something that was bad enough to make him use and blame someone else for it. Instead, Jiang Cheng sighed. 

“I didn’t actually mean that,” Jiang Cheng responded. “I talk to Yanli. You have changed, Wei Ying. I know you’ve been clean since you woke up.” 

Jiang Cheng actually sounded sincere. Like he believed it and he wanted Wei Ying to believe it too. It was hard to hear, and it was enough to make Wei Ying break slightly. 

“Wrong,” Wei Ying replied. “Guess again.” 

“What?” Jiang Cheng asked. He was really going to make him say it twice. 

“Yanli doesn’t know, but I haven’t been clean this whole time. I relapsed.” 

He heard Jiang Cheng inhale a sharp breath, then slowly exhale it before responding.

“Why did you call me?” Jiang Cheng asked again. Wei Ying could tell he was holding his own reactions back. He wasn’t as explosive as Wei Ying had remembered him to be. 

“I don’t really know,” Wei Ying answered. “I just…needed someone to yell at me.” 

It sounded so stupid to say out loud, but truly, Wei Ying felt like that’s what he needed. He needed someone to tell him he was as awful as he felt. 

“Well I’m not going to do that,” Jiang Cheng answered. 

Wei Ying truly didn’t understand this. Who was this version of Jiang Cheng?

Neither of them said anything else right away. Wei Ying just stared despondently down the stairs he was sitting on. 

“Can I ask you something?” Jiang Cheng broke the silence.

“I guess,” Wei Ying muttered.

“Back then, when I was giving you so much shit for everything, why didn’t you ever tell me you had a kid?” 

Wei Ying had not been expecting that question at all, and in his current mental state, it hurt to be asked it. 

“Why does it matter?” he answered. 

For some reason, that answer seemed to be the thing to finally get a rise out of Jiang Cheng. 

“Stop fucking with me,” Jiang Cheng snapped. “I’m not dumb. I know you gave your inheritance to the Wens because of Yuan. You let me tear you apart for it. Why didn’t you just tell me?” 

So that was still the narrative. In ten years, that was still the rumor. Nobody had ever corrected it.

“I’m not fucking with you,” Wei Ying snapped right back at him. “That’s not what happened. And Yuan is Lan Zhan’s kid. He’s not mine.” 

Those words left Wei Ying’s mouth before he actually processed them, and it hurt to hear himself say it. But he couldn’t really deny that that was how he felt. Yuan was supposed to be his, but he had been adopted and raised by someone other than him. There was no getting that time back, and it was for the best anyway. Wei Ying was clearly not fit to be a parent. 

Jiang Cheng was silent for a moment, but when he spoke again, his tone had shifted to something more desperate.

“Wei Ying, don’t,” Jiang Cheng suddenly begged. Wei Ying wasn’t exactly sure what he was referring to, but he could guess.

“What is the point of even trying?” he muttered. “It’s not like I have anything left to lose. I’m fucking calling you of all people.” 

“I answered, didn’t I?” Jiang Cheng challenged. 

“Would you have, if you had known it was me?” Wei Ying asked. 

“Yes.” 

Jiang Cheng didn’t even hesitate in his answer. He sounded very sure of it. So certain, in fact, that it caught Wei Ying off guard. But a moment later, Jiang Cheng explained. 

“I spent ten years thinking you died because of me,” Jiang Cheng said. “So I will always answer the phone when you call.” 

Wei Ying had no idea what to say to that, and before he could think of a response, Yuan’s phone started buzzing with a second call. He pulled it away from his ear and saw Lan Zhan was calling. Wei Ying knew Yuan was in the apartment with Lan Zhan, which meant Yuan had tattled. Lan Zhan had found out that Wei Ying had taken the phone. 

He denied the call, but before he could continue his conversation with Jiang Cheng, the phone buzzed again with a text from Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying. Bring Yuan’s phone back. Now.

Wei Ying scoffed at that. Lan Zhan really did treat him like a child sometimes. Then he put the phone back to his ear. 

“I have to go,” he muttered. 

“Wait,” Jiang Cheng pleaded. “Just hang on, please.” 

Wei Ying ignored the plea and ended the call. It was the worst place to end this conversation, but Lan Zhan’s text was clear. 

Then he stood up and walked back into the apartment. He found Lan Zhan and Yuan both sitting at the dining table. He silently put the phone down on the table, then turned around to walk back out. 

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan hissed at him.

Wei Ying spun around. He was so not in the fucking mood. The only reason he hadn’t immediately lost his shit on Lan Zhan for demanding he come back here was because Yuan was in the room. But apparently Lan Zhan didn’t care as much about having this fight in front of Yuan.

“You really want to do this right now?” Wei Ying challenged, raising an eyebrow. 

“Why did you take Yuan’s phone?” Lan Zhan asked, ignoring Wei Ying’s question.

Wei Ying stared at him. Then he glanced at Yuan, before looking back at Lan Zhan again. They should not be airing any of this in front of Yuan. Why the hell was Lan Zhan picking a fight in front of him?

“Yuan, go to your room please,” Wei Ying said, using every ounce of self-control he had to keep his voice even.

Yuan started to stand up, but Lan Zhan put a hand on his arm. 

“No,” Lan Zhan said. “Sit down.” 

Yuan reluctantly sat back down. Then Lan Zhan turned to Wei Ying. 

“He deserves an apology,” Lan Zhan insisted.  

This was so unfair. It was unfair to Wei Ying and it was unfair to Yuan. This was only going to cause more damage. Whatever Lan Zhan was trying to do, Wei Ying was not in the right mental state for it. It was obvious now that Lan Zhan didn’t realize that. 

Wei Ying closed his eyes and tried to take a breath. Then he stared at Lan Zhan again. 

“Don’t do this right now,” he begged, hoping desperately that Lan Zhan would hear how much he meant that. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan insisted, still not understanding. “This is important.” 

Wei Ying felt so stuck in this situation, and it was the final straw on top of what he was still processing from yesterday and how on edge he’d been today. He had to leave before he snapped.

Just as he was about to turn around and do so, though, Yuan stood up. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Yuan said, though he sounded hurt, as though it very much did matter. Then he turned and went to his room. 

Wei Ying watched him walk away, and his heart sank. He hadn’t thought he could feel any worse than he already did, but watching Yuan react like that was devastating. 

Then Wei Ying turned back to Lan Zhan, and found Lan Zhan glaring at him. 

“You scared him,” Lan Zhan accused. “And you won’t even talk to him about it? That’s your son!” 

Wei Ying was at least smart enough not to repeat his thoughts from his conversation with Jiang Cheng to Lan Zhan. He couldn’t form the words anyway. He just shook his head. 

He was so tired of this. This push and pull between him and Lan Zhan. It had always been like that. Even since high school. Always caught between fighting and friends, and then later fighting and in love. It was never just soft or easy. It was always so fucking intense. 

It was a never-ending cycle. Always one step forward, two steps back. They’d been doing this forever. It wasn’t getting better. Lan Zhan was an impenetrable wall.

Lan Zhan couldn’t understand abstract art. Wei Ying hated landscapes. 

Wei Ying scoffed. Then he turned and walked out of the apartment.

Chapter Text

Lan Zhan didn’t follow Wei Ying out. Maybe that was because Wei Ying had just scolded him last night for his inability to give Wei Ying space. Or maybe it was because he was as angry at Wei Ying as Wei Ying was at him.

Regardless, Wei Ying was back home within a few hours. Not enough time to warrant a search party.

Lan Zhan had not moved from where he was when Wei Ying left, and as Wei Ying walked back in, Lan Zhan quickly stood up. He looked extremely concerned, but his eyes scanned Wei Ying up and down and then he seemed to relax slightly. 

“Jiang Cheng called me,” Lan Zhan said. That at least explained the switch from his prior coldness to his current panic.

Wei Ying glanced warily at Lan Zhan as he slipped his shoes off at the door. He could take a pretty good guess as to what Jiang Cheng said, but he didn’t try to explain himself. He just waited to see what Lan Zhan was going to say about it. 

If Lan Zhan knew what Wei Ying had told Jiang Cheng about Yuan or anything else, he didn’t ask. He just took a single step towards Wei Ying. Wei Ying had to resist the urge to not take a step back in response. He was still very upset about their earlier fight. Apparently that was evident, because Lan Zhan only seemed to grow concerned again at Wei Ying’s stiff demeanor.

“Are you okay?” Lan Zhan asked hesitantly.

Where had this Lan Zhan been when they were in the car? Or when Wei Ying came back in with Yuan’s phone and practically begged Lan Zhan to hear that he couldn’t do this? Why did Lan Zhan only seem to really care when he thought Wei Ying was fully crossing the line into a complete crisis?

“I’m fine,” Wei Ying answered coldly. His tone came out sounding angry, but otherwise convincing. Not as broken as he truly felt. 

Lan Zhan definitely picked up on the anger, because he tensed slightly. Then he took a deep breath. 

“Okay,” he nodded. “Let me know if you change your mind and want to talk.” 

Then Lan Zhan turned and walked back into his bedroom. That confirmed that Lan Zhan had at least listened last night, when Wei Ying told him he needed to back off and stop reacting to Wei Ying’s every move. Though, if there was ever a time to react, this was probably it. There was a small part of Wei Ying that still wanted to be stopped. 

A bigger part of him didn’t. He grabbed some water and a spoon from the kitchen, then turned and went into the guest room and locked the door. 

Wei Ying pulled everything else out of his back pocket. A lighter, a syringe, a small baggie. It was absurd that New York City had vending machines to give out free syringes. That definitely did not exist ten years ago. 

He laid it all out on the bed and sat cross-legged in front of it, staring at it. 

He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t thought of it sooner, but it turns out he didn’t really need a phone to contact The Tiger. He knew his address. Dropping by had turned out to be pretty fruitful. He hadn’t even needed to deal first, The Tiger had given him this shit for free as a congratulations for not being dead. 

The routine of getting everything ready was a high in and of itself. It was weird to say that Wei Ying liked this part, but he did. There was always a bit of an adrenaline rush as he anticipated what was coming.

It was nothing compared to the rush of the drug entering his bloodstream, though. Any guilt or doubt he had about what he was doing quickly disappeared, and soon he was left floating. 

Maybe for minutes. Maybe for hours. Maybe for days. 

That was the best part of yin. Time didn’t matter. It especially didn’t matter when injected straight into your bloodstream. Wei Ying didn’t even need anything else to occupy his thoughts. He didn’t have thoughts. He just floated.

However long it had been, eventually there was knocking at the guest room door. 

Wei Ying was high out of his mind, but he was just aware enough to know that knocking was not good. 

His drugged up solution to this problem was to simply put another door in between himself and the knocking. That was how he ended up in the bathroom and laying down in the bathtub.

He didn’t know how long he stayed in that bathtub, either. He just remembered feeling as if the whole bathtub was floating with him, and the tub’s walls would protect him from everything. 

They didn’t. 

Wei Ying was not able to fully grasp what was happening around him, but he heard banging.

Then Wei Ying felt hands on him, like he was being pushed or pulled, he couldn’t really tell which. He tried to grab onto the walls of the tub to avoid falling out. He couldn’t grasp onto anything, though, so instead he tried to curl into a ball to avoid whatever was happening. 

“Wei Ying, sit up,” Lan Zhan demanded, and those words at least processed through the filter of chaos in his brain. 

Wei Ying couldn’t have followed that command even if he wanted to. His body was made of jello. But Lan Zhan continued to pull on him until he was somehow slumped forward over the edge of the tub. 

Then the world was suddenly spinning violently, and it also felt like the bathtub had been shot up into the air by a slingshot. This was an unfamiliar and awful feeling. Wei Ying didn’t know which way was up, or how to lay back down and hopefully make it stop. All he knew was he felt like he was going to be sick. 

Then the spinning abruptly stopped. His head was pounding, though, and he felt a throbbing pain throughout his entire body. He was also suddenly way too fucking sober and aware of every detail around him. 

Lan Zhan had a hand on his back to steady him and he was hanging over the edge of the tub, dry heaving. The bathtub was cold and hard and the edge of it was digging into his chest. His own heart was racing so fast it physically hurt. He felt like he could barely breathe.

“Sit up,” Lan Zhan urged. 

This time, Wei Ying choked back a couple breaths and then complied. His body felt heavy, but moveable, and even though everything hurt, he was able to sit back and lean against the wall behind him. 

“Wen Qing created a compound that reverses the effects of yin,” Lan Zhan explained, even though Wei Ying had not asked. “It’s obviously not FDA approved,” Lan Zhan continued. “We will have to take you to the hospital for monitoring.” 

Wei Ying tried to make a face at that, but his head hurt too much. Lan Zhan had just given him an untested, experimental substance and it felt like pure poison.

Wei Ying suddenly remembered a similar incident, when he was narcanned at Yanli’s wedding. This felt like that, except twenty times worse. Apparently this substance didn’t just reverse the effects of yin, it shot him from zero to 100 into full withdrawal. Couldn’t he have just let Wei Ying come down naturally? 

“No hospitals,” Wei Ying choked out. 

“You don’t get a choice,” Lan Zhan said firmly. 

It’s not like he was wrong. Wei Ying couldn’t exactly fight back right now. He could barely lift his head. Within just a few minutes, there were paramedics coming into the bathroom. They took his vitals, then lifted him up and dragged him onto a stretcher they had set up in the guest room and strapped him in. The movement was excruciatingly painful. 

Mortified was not a strong enough word for how Wei Ying felt now that the reality of this was starting to sink in. But there was no word in existence for how he felt as the paramedics rolled him out and he saw Yuan, standing at his own bedroom door, looking terrified. 

Wei Ying couldn’t bring himself to keep looking at him. He looked away and closed his eyes. 

Wen Qing took over care for him at the Emergency Room. That was odd, since she was a surgeon, not an ER doctor. And this had to be some sort of conflict of interest for her to treat Wei Ying. But she immediately kicked the nurse out of his room, and she had given Lan Zhan an untested drug to give to Wei Ying, so it was clear this was not all on the up-and-up. 

She didn’t say anything to him. She just hooked him up to a pulse-ox and an IV, and the IV must have been a sedative, because Wei Ying quickly felt the world slip away from him. 

He had no idea how long he was sedated for, but Wen Qing was kind enough to keep him under for the entire detox process. When he woke up again, he felt groggy, but there were no signs of any withdrawal symptoms. 

That sense of relief didn’t last long. He’d only been awake for an hour or two. Nobody had been into his room to even check on him. And then suddenly, the door opened, and in walked two police officers. 

Lan Xichen and Meng Yao. 

On the bright side, Lan Xichen looked about as stunned to see Wei Ying as Wei Ying was to see him. He immediately froze, and his brain seemed to stutter for a moment before he finally processed the situation. 

“Wei Ying?” he asked, looking like he was seeing a ghost.

Clearly, he had not been kept in the loop on much. That meant Wei Ying could have some fun with this. 

“I’m sorry? Do I know you?” Wei Ying asked with a frown. 

He had to fight hard not to smile at the look of complete confusion that passed over Xichen’s expression. 

“You don’t remember me?” Lan Xichen asked curiously. “I’m Lan Zhan’s brother.” 

“Who is Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying asked, making sure to sound extra confused. “I think maybe you have the wrong person.” 

“Wei Ying,” Meng Yao said firmly. He was clearly not as easily fooled. That didn’t mean Wei Ying would give in, though. 

“No…” Wei Ying said slowly. “My name is Mo Xuanyu.” 

Lan Xichen and Meng Yao exchanged a silent glance. They obviously knew it was him, but Wei Ying seemed to at least make them doubt whether or not he was lying or just delusional. Then Lan Xichen shrugged slightly and looked back at Wei Ying.

“Okay, Mo Xuanyu,” he said. “Do you mind if we ask you some questions?” 

Wei Ying shrugged. He could always keep playing the crazy card.

“What brought you to the hospital?” Lan Xichen asked. 

“You tell me,” Wei Ying answered. “I just woke up here.” 

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Xichen asked. 

Wei Ying frowned slightly, as if he was thinking. Then made a show of frowning even deeper. 

“I don’t remember… anything…” he answered. 

Meng Yao and Lan Xichen exchanged another glance. 

“Am I in trouble?” Wei Ying asked, making himself sound nervous. 

Lan Xichen noticeably did not answer the question. 

“I was informed there was a 911 call to my brother’s home. I was just following up.” 

“Oh,” Wei Ying nodded with a smile. He was surprisingly good at acting crazy. “I hope your brother is okay.”

Seeming to realize he wasn’t going to get any info out of Wei Ying, Lan Xichen finally gave up. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but instead, he just sighed and then turned around and left. Meng Yao followed him out. 

It was only a few minutes after that before Wen Qing came barging in. It was very clear that Lan Xichen had mentioned something to her about the memory loss, because she flew in in a panic, and immediately flashed a light in Wei Ying’s eyes. 

He flinched back at the sudden attack. 

“Hey, chill,” he requested. “I’m fine. It was a joke.” 

Wen Qing was apparently not amused, because she paused in the middle of her examination, then reached out and slapped Wei Ying across the face. It was hard enough that it stung. 

“What the hell,” Wei Ying cursed. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Wen Qing asked angrily.

She didn’t actually wait for a response. She just stormed back out of the hospital room.

Just like that, any humor from fucking with Lan Xichen was obliterated. Wei Ying sat there, in complete silence, left to let the reality of his situation sink in. Wen Qing wasn’t wrong in her anger. Had he learned nothing from his previous relapse? Why the hell had he decided that injecting yin in Lan Zhan’s apartment was a good idea? The memory of Yuan’s face as he was being wheeled out on a stretcher kept popping up in his mind, and he hated himself for it. 

It felt like hours before the door to his room opened again, but this time when it did, Lan Zhan walked in. His face was stony and hard to read. Wei Ying stayed still and silent as he watched Lan Zhan enter the room and sit down in a nearby chair. 

Based on the tension in the room, Wei Ying was pretty certain this was it. He’d finally crossed the line far enough that Lan Zhan was coming to tell him he was done. 

“How’s Yuan?” Wei Ying asked once he could no longer take the silence. 

“Hurt,” Lan Zhan answered curtly. “Angry.” 

Wei Ying shut up again at Lan Zhan’s clear hostility. He just nodded. 

More silence. Eventually, Lan Zhan spoke again.

“Yuan never raises his voice,” Lan Zhan explained. “Today he yelled. He even used profanity.” 

Under any other circumstances, Wei Ying would have laughed at the idea of Lan Zhan getting this bent out of shape over Yuan cursing. But Lan Zhan sounded extremely distressed, and there was no room for humor in any of this. 

“I’m sorry,” Wei Ying whispered. He knew that wasn’t even close to enough. There was no apology that could make up for this. 

Lan Zhan didn’t acknowledge the apology, and the silent tension built again. Wei Ying was never very good at silence, so he decided to change the subject. 

“Your brother came to visit me.” 

Lan Zhan’s gaze snapped up at that, and he looked intensely at Wei Ying. 

“You didn’t tell him I woke up from the coma,” Wei Ying said. It wasn’t a question. Lan Xichen’s face when he walked in had made it very clear that he expected Wei Ying to still be brain dead. 

“No,” Lan Zhan answered, his eyes still fixed intensely on Wei Ying. 

“Why not?” 

Lan Zhan didn’t answer. He just continued to search for something in Wei Ying’s expression. 

“What did he say?” Lan Zhan eventually asked. 

Wei Ying sighed and leaned his head back against his pillow. He understood Lan Zhan’s anger. He deserved that anger for what he had done. But that didn’t mean he was going to keep doing this dance with Lan Zhan. It was always the same fucking wall. Wei Ying was so tired of banging his head against it. 

“Lan Zhan, that’s not how this works. You don’t get to ignore my questions and expect me to answer yours.” 

Lan Zhan fell silent again, and for a moment, Wei Ying couldn’t believe he was really going to just end the conversation because he was so stubborn. 

“He killed you,” Lan Zhan suddenly answered. “I wanted him to live with that forever. I wasn’t willing to give him the relief of knowing you survived.” 

That… was dark. Wei Ying did not know Lan Zhan was capable of such a mindset. Wei Ying took a deep breath as he tried to process what Lan Zhan had just confessed, then shook his head slightly. 

“He didn’t kill me,” Wei Ying said. “I provoked the police that day, Lan Zhan. On purpose. I knew what was going to happen and I did it anyway. It was an intentional choice I made. It was nobody’s fault but my own.” 

“I don’t believe that,” Lan Zhan disagreed. 

“I know you don’t, and that’s the problem,” Wei Ying snapped back. “You don’t even know who I am. I’m not whatever version of me you have in your head and I can’t live up to that. I am telling you who I am. Believe me. Yuan clearly sees it. I don’t understand why you can’t.” 

Lan Zhan seemed surprised at something Wei Ying had just said. Then he shook his head. 

“Yuan is angry with me,” Lan Zhan clarified. “Not with you.” 

That didn’t help Wei Ying make his point, but he decided to take the bait anyway. 

“Angry with you for what?” 

“He has not liked some rules I imposed lately. Now, he is upset because I told him I will not be letting you come back into our home,” Lan Zhan answered. 

There was a lot to unpack in that. But there it was. Finally. Wei Ying had finally crossed that line. It didn’t hurt as much as Wei Ying thought it would. He was heartbroken, of course. But he also almost felt relieved. 

“What rules?” Wei Ying asked, instead of touching the other shit Lan Zhan had just thrown at him. 

Lan Zhan let out a heavy sigh. He looked exhausted, like he hadn’t slept in days. 

“After your first relapse, I told Yuan he could not be around you without my supervision,” Lan Zhan admitted. “He has not been happy about it.”

Wei Ying frowned at that. He had not really noticed that all of his time with Yuan had been supervised, mostly because Yuan barely interacted at all these days. But now that he thought back on it, it was true that he and Yuan had not been left alone once since that relapse, except for Wei Ying barging into Yuan's room to take his phone.

“I understand who you are, Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan suddenly said firmly. 

Wei Ying was about to respond, but Lan Zhan cut him off with more. 

“I will not continue to allow this kind of instability into Yuan’s life.” Lan Zhan had a hint of anger to his tone now. “Something needs to change. We cannot keep doing this.”

Wei Ying tightened his lips. He didn’t disagree with that. He didn’t have an excuse for any of this, but he also knew even more now than ever that he couldn’t promise Lan Zhan sobriety. It was clear that wanting to do better simply wasn’t enough. So he just stayed silent. 

“Yuan needs you,” Lan Zhan continued. “It is not my wish to keep him from you.” 

Wei Ying still didn’t speak. It was a weird reversal of roles for Lan Zhan to be the one doing all the talking, but Lan Zhan was throwing a lot at him all at once. He wasn’t sure how to feel about any of it.  

“We have a very upset kid that wants you to come home,” Lan Zhan kept going, once Wei Ying hadn’t responded. “I am only willing to do so if you agree to get professional help.”

It was suddenly glaringly obvious what this whole conversation had been leading up to. Wei Ying had no idea how he had not seen it coming. 

Wei Ying shook his head. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said, a mix between frustrated and pleading.

Wei Ying knew his refusal just looked like avoidance, but it was more than that. He’d had more therapists than he could count when growing up in foster care. He’d stayed in facilities, too. None of them ever did shit for him. They just took his words and twisted them to use against him.

“We grew up in different worlds, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying muttered. “You grew up in a world where cops and doctors and therapists were the good guys. I didn’t.” 

He expected Lan Zhan to continue to insist, but instead, Lan Zhan just fell silent. Then he slowly nodded.

“You will tell Yuan yourself, then,” Lan Zhan replied. “You will let him know that you do not want to come home.” 

That wasn’t fair. He wasn’t going to be able to look Yuan in the eye and say that he was refusing to get help. Lan Zhan seemed to know that, because he simply stared at Wei Ying, waiting for his response. 

It felt surreal, to know what the right answer was, and yet feel like it was impossible to do. 

“Fine,” Wei Ying finally answered bitterly.