Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It seemed to be an ordinary day in the village. The farmers had already begun their day on the fields, tending to the crops and the animals. Early mornings were when most of the work was done, as whole families worked tirelessly to make a living.

This left Lexana to be by herself, watching them work from the shade as she tried to entertain herself with the newest doll her father had given her. He owned the only trading spot in the village, so even he was busy with work, only occasionally checking up on her to make sure she was okay. He didn’t have time for her anymore as more and more begun trading with him, and her siblings were gone. All but her brother Marcus.

She could only scarcely remember the others. They were all taken by the scary, armored men that showed up in the village when she was still a baby. Her father told her that they were taken to keep the others safe from them. She didn’t understand why it was needed. They were children, same as she was. Why were they thought so dangerous? She didn’t understand it.

She was told, that her oldest brother, Lukas was taken when he was eleven, after he created ice in the middle of summer to help the working farmers cool off. He was spirited away soon enough, never to be seen again. She could not remember him, as he was already ten when she was born, and her father would only get angry whenever she asked about him, so she stopped asking altogether. She had to realize, that her oldest brother would remain a mystery to her, no matter how much she would want to meet him.

Her only memory of her sister is a flame. Roxie was good at it, controlling flames. Marcus told her that their sister could even create shapes and tell a story. It all went wrong when at the age of eleven, she accidentally set a barn on fire, nearly killing herself and their siblings. There was a lot of yelling as her sister was dragged away, her brothers pleading the armored men to spare her, to let her stay, for the fire was an accident. Lexi was too small to understand at the time, that her sister was not coming back.

A few months later, they came for yet another sibling of hers, Elias, after he healed an injured dog on the street, in plain view of everyone. He was only seven at the time and he did not understand why this was wrong, the same way the two-year-old Lexi did not. She cheered for her big brother, how helpful he was when others just stood by and watched. Their father cried for a whole day after the armored men took Elias away and he would not let go of her and Marcus.

As time passed and Lexi grew, the more she understood. Her siblings were mages, feared and shunned. It was the templars that took them, to keep others safe. She barely remembered anything. She didn’t know if they shared her coal black hair and bright blue eyes. If they were taller at her age than she was. She knew nothing of them. Her only companion remained Marcus, the only sibling she got to spend time with.

But that day, even he was busy, running errands for their father and helping out around the trading post. The templars watched them both closely, knowing, that there was a chance that much like their siblings, even they would show signs of being able to control magic. Marcus could, she knew that, but he was careful. He remembered what happened to their siblings all too well, so he hid his abilities, even from their father.

She tried to copy his motions whenever she caught him casting something, but it never worked. Marcus assured her that it was simply because she was too young to show signs. Their siblings were around ten when their talents were discovered and Lexi was only five still, her brother eight. She was scared, that even he would be taken away one day, and that she would be left completely alone. They only had each other. No children their age wanted to play with the Amells, their parents not letting them close to possible mages.

It made for a lonely childhood, but Lexi did not complain. She knew the Chantry’s teachings about magic, her father had made sure to educate her as quickly as possible to help her understand what happened in their family. The templars of the village scared her, though. Always watching, silently, sullenly. They were keeping the villagers safe. But even they were not infallible, their numbers finite.

She realized that quite quickly, as several horsemen rode into the village square, threateningly brandishing steel weapons. Those men were not scared of the templars, but the villagers were scared of them, those that were not on the fields scattering quickly, scampering into their homes. The unknown men spread out, one of them heading towards her. He was covered in armor, so she could not see his expression. She did not need to see it to feel his bad intentions.

Lexi was on her feet in no time, running inside the trading post, when she spotted Marcus returning from an errand, his hands full, his feet rooted into the ground where he stood. He was beset by three of the men, then was pulled out of their way by one of the templars that hastily arrived for his aid, intending to fight the men. She had never seen them use their weapons before, so she just stood by and watched for a few seconds, forgetting all about that swordsman near her.

The templars moved with fluid, learnt motions, quickly cutting through those three that were surrounding her brother, who ended up sprawled on the ground, the objects he was carrying scattered around him. He did not seem to care, though, as he pushed himself up on his knees and their blue eyes met. He desperately screamed her name to remind her of the man she so carelessly forgot about in her worry about him, and she whirled around to see the man but a few steps away from her, his sword already raised high to strike her down.

She screamed, dropping the doll she was clutching, as she backed away from the man, hoping, that one of the templars would save her. They were too far, and she had already backed into the wall, with nowhere left to go.

“Leave my sister alone!” she heard Marcus yell and she cried out when the man was struck by what seemed like a fist made of stone, sending him flying. Right in front of their father, who had just exited the trading post, hearing her scream.

He seemed pale as he first looked at the man, then at her, before his gaze stopped on Marcus, who still had one of his arms extended after casting the spell that saved her. Her body trembled as her tears spilt forth, and she was running for her brother to try to keep the templars away from him. But both were next to him, one of them grabbing his arm and the other doing something to make sure he would not be able to cast again.

“No, please! You can’t take him away!” she cried as her father caught up to her and wrapped his arms around her middle to stop her. “Please! He was just protecting me!” she kept going, desperately trying to get to her brother.

But Marcus had given up. He did not struggle against the templar’s hold, knowing that he could do nothing against them. Against being taken away. His sad eyes met hers as she continued to pry her father’s arms away from her middle, to no avail.

The templars looked at her, then back at her brother. They must have been talking, because Marcus was nodding up at the one that held his arm, only to then be released as the two walked off to deal with the rest of the horsemen. Her brother was running towards her a second after his release, and their father had all but dropped her into his path.

“Are you okay?” Marcus asked her as he cradled her tear-stained cheeks.

She shook her head, her lips trembling. “They are going to take you away because of me!” she wailed, and he was hugging her the next second.

“Shh, shh. We both know that they would have found out eventually,” he tried to soothe her. It wasn’t working.

“Eventually? How long have you been hiding this from me?” their father asked him sternly, as usual. He wasn’t always like that, but first he lost their mother, then his children one by one. It made him cold and distant. Joyless. They did not fault him for it.

“For about a year now,” Marcus confessed, confidently meeting their father’s gaze above her head. He was ready for the hatred that awaited him.

Lexi just hugged him as tightly as she could, burying her face into the crook of his neck, unwilling to ever part with her only remaining sibling. She couldn’t see their father’s crushed face, his hopes crumbling upon this revelation. He hoped, that at least they would not end up as mages after the other three did, but the odds were against him. Even more so, with Lexana being the only one remaining. And who knew how long before her magic manifested?

The templars and the men were still fighting, and were getting overwhelmed by sheer numbers. There were only women and the elderly remaining in the village; they were no help to the soldiers. Their father saw that and grabbed the nearest attacker’s sword to lend a hand.

“Stay here,” he ordered them, as he walked off. Lexi wanted to run after him, to keep him out of the fight, but Marcus did not let her.

“He will be fine,” he assured her, but it was not their father she was worried about.

Their father was almost on the other side of the square when the attacker near her was waking up and the two of them were left there unprotected, watching as he stood and looked for his discarded sword. He grunted when he didn’t find it, then snarled at her brother, who quickly pushed her behind himself to protect her. He couldn’t use magic; the templars made sure of that, so all he could do was putting himself between them.

Marcus didn’t stand a chance against the man, whose strike was swift and sudden. One second, her brother was standing in front of her, the other he was crying out in pain and falling to the ground. Their attacker shoved her against the wall hard enough for her to slam into it, causing her vision to swim in front of her. She was suddenly seeing double for a few seconds, and that was enough time for the man to unsheathe a dagger from his hip and wave it dangerously close to her brother.

Panic flared up deep inside her, and she wasn’t thinking clearly when she threw a hand up towards them, a desperate “No!” leaving her lips as the man was about to stab her helpless brother.

A shimmering barrier prevented him from getting Marcus, the dagger scraping off it, unable to get through. Her head was buzzing as if a thousand bees were stuck inside it, and if their father had not decided to return when he did, their attacker would have been able to stab her brother when the barrier disappeared and she slumped against the wall, exhausted to the bone.

“Did I do that?” she asked them after the man was lying dead nearby, and if the weakness she was experiencing was any indication, then she already knew the answer to that.

“Maker, why do you punish me so?” was the last thing she heard her father mutter before darkness swallowed her.

She awoke sometime later, in her bed to the sounds of a heated argument, but she could not make out what the people were arguing about. They were so loud and angry, and her head was still buzzing enough to make her disoriented and unwilling to get out of bed. That decision was made for her when a templar barged in through the door, uninvited, and loomed over her to check if she was awake.

He just sighed when she blinked up at him with her large eyes, not understanding what he was doing in her bedroom, of all places. She pushed herself up to sit when he took a seat on the chair by her bedside and took his helmet off. It almost made her smile, remembering that she thought they didn’t even have faces when she was little. They were almost never seen without their helmets. She believed them to be nothing but fancy animated suits of armor instead of human beings.

The man seemed younger than her father, his skin pale and his beard and hair the color of copper. His surprisingly kind grey eyes bore into hers as he spoke. “I am Ser Henrik. You are?”

“Lexana. But people call me Lexi.”

He gave her a small smile. “Do you know what you did out there, Lexi?”

“A-a spell?” she asked, uncertain.

The man somberly nodded. “A surprisingly powerful one, considering your age. Your father tells us that he didn’t know about your magic. Is he lying?”

She shook her head, her braids following the motion. “No. I’ve never done anything before,” she admitted. “I-I tried. I know that my siblings could do magic, that’s why they were taken away one after another, so I tried t-to see if I was like them. But it never worked before. Marcus said that because I’m too young for it.”

Ser Henrik scowled at that. “Apparently not.”

Lexi bit her trembling lip. It was all she could do not to burst into tears. “A-are you h-here to t-take me away?”

“Yes. To the Circle of Magi in Ferelden,” was his answer. He showed her no pity.

“And my brother?” she asked, despite knowing the answer. Still, she hoped that by some miracle, at least he would be able to stay.

“He will go to another Circle.”

She could not stop her tears. “W-we will be separated? C-can't we be taken to the same place? Please?” she pleaded with the man, and for the first time since he sat, his grey eyes showed compassion and understanding.

“I’m sorry, Lexi. I cannot help you. We must follow the rules set by the Chantry.” He sighed, seeing her tears cascade down her cheeks, and stood. “Pack a bag. We will be leaving within the hour.”

She didn’t start packing her bag until minutes after he was gone, for crying – wailing, really – felt more important to her than packing that bag. Marcus entered her room to help when that hour was nearly up, and they cried together, holding each other close for one last time. Her brother kissed her forehead when they parted and pulled a familiar wooden sword off his belt, handing it to her.

“Father never let you play with swords, but I guess that will not stop you anymore,” he grinned at her as he sniffled and wiped his nose with the sleeve of his tunic. “You know, Lukas had a sword like this when he was leaving. Father wanted him to have something to remember us by. To Roxie, he gave a doll with our names sewn into it. I think he gave an empty book to Elias, our names etched into the cover. I doubt he would give us anything, so I carved our names into it as best I could.”

“When did you have time to do this?”

He gave her a small, sad smile. “It was only a matter of time before I was discovered, little sister. I knew, that I had to prepare to be taken away. I did not think, that you would be, too. You are only five. Too young.”

“I don’t want to go,” she muttered as she traced her name with a trembling finger. “We will never see each other again.”

“We will find a way. We’ll get powerful enough and escape. Just you wait. We will collect our siblings and return home.”

She tried to smile at him as he detailed his wishes for their future, but she couldn’t. If getting out of the Circles was that easy, then where were their brothers and sister? Why had they not come home yet?

“The Circle will be your new home,” they heard their father speak from the doorway, his words slurred, an almost empty bottle in his hands. “You will have no place here or anywhere in this world,” he spat at them angrily, as if it was their fault that they too turned out to be mages. “I’m glad that your mother disappeared before she was forced to watch you all leave. Mages, all of you,” he growled, then smashed the bottle against the wall, the glass shattering completely.

He was never a violent man, he never as much as raised his voice at them, but at that moment, they were terrified of him, of what he could do to them. He never got a chance to do anything, however, as Ser Henrik and the other templar were right behind him, preventing him from approaching his children.

“It is time to leave,” he told her.

“I don’t want to go,” she repeated to her brother, whispering, squeezing his hand she was holding.

“I don’t, either. But we must.” With that, he tightened his hold on her, grabbed her bag and began towing her behind himself. “Father, I—”

“Get away from me,” their father spat at Marcus, swaying on his legs.

“Daddy,” she tried to say goodbye, but her father’s furious scowl stopped her. So she just took a shaky breath, to hold her sobs back and let her brother pull her out of her bedroom, all the way downstairs of their manor. She took one good look around, trying to memorize it all, then followed Marcus outside.

Some villagers were loitering around, no doubt having heard what was happening to them, and they whispered amongst themselves. Lexi paid them no mind as she hugged her brother one last time before Ser Henrik took her by the hand.

“Please keep her safe, ser,” her brother spoke to the templar, who had already placed his helm on his head.

“I will.”

Teary eyed, they broke away from each other. She was looking at him above her shoulder for as long as she could, but a house soon hid him from her. They went their separate ways, their journeys taking them to different countries altogether. The templar took her to a large city made of stone, Kirkwall he called it, where they set sail to the Storm Coast of Ferelden. She spent those hours sick in the cabin they had for themselves and was excited to hear, that they would be continuing on horseback once they arrived. It was but a day’s ride from the small port town to Lake Calenhad, where ancient ruins the likes of which she had never seen before welcomed her. The high tower of the Circle of Magi loomed over the lake, and she looked at it in awe, admiring it for its beauty. The man that rowed them across the lake remained in silence, and she was grateful for that. She had way too much on her mind to speak.

The closer they got, the more nervous she felt, dread pooling inside her. The doors were massive, and they creaked once open. She was surprised to see people already waiting for the two of them. They were both as old as her father, one wearing a templar armor, the other a robe. She figured he was a mage.

“We have been alerted to your approach, ser,” the armored man began with a raspy voice, his suspicious eyes staring at her. “I am Knight-Commander Greagoir. I’m in charge of the templars of this circle.”

“Ser Henrik Hensley from the Free Marches, ser,” the knight introduced himself as he pulled an envelope out of his bag and handed it to the man, who hastily opened it and began reading.

In the meantime, Lexi curiously took a look around. She was equally mesmerized and bored by the view. The hall they were in was huge, but sparsely decorated. So much empty space!

“Hmph. We’ll have to watch this one,” she heard the Knight-Commander murmur to the mage. “Four siblings, all of them mages. They’ve already been sent to different Circles.”

She finished looking around only to find all eyes on her. She didn’t know what to do about the attention, so she just stared at her feet. The mage was soon kneeling in front of her, seeking her blue gaze with his own. He had kind eyes, unlike the other man.

“How old are you, child?” he asked her.

“Five.”

“Five,” the mage repeated, almost sounding astonished.

“She is barely out of her crib,” the Knight-Commander murmured under his nose.

She scowled up at him defiantly. “I’m not a baby!”

The mage chuckled. “No, you are not. What do we call you?”

“Lexi, ser mage.”

His smile grew into a grin. “Your full name.”

“Lexana Amell.”

“Well, Lexana.” She scrunched her nose up. She didn’t like her long name much, and he noticed, chuckling again as he stood and held his hand out for her. “I am First Enchanter Irving. Allow me to welcome you to Kinloch Hold, your new home. Would you like to explore the tower?”

“Yes!” she enthusiastically answered, ready to begin this new chapter in her life.

By the end of the day, she had her own bed and a newfound fascination with books. There were so many books in the library! She wanted to read all of them, and she vowed, that she eventually would, no matter what they were about. She only had an entire lifetime to do so, after all.

Kinloch Hold was her new home, but that didn’t mean that she did not miss her family. She wished to see Marcus again, have him play with her, be by her side. But that was never happening and as the months turned into years, her yearning lessened to a dull, ever-present ache deep within her heart.

Chapter Text

“Come on, Jowan! We are going to be late again!” Lexi hurriedly grabbed her friend’s hand, ready to pull him out of his bed.

They had all but two minutes to make it to the lecture hall and join the other apprentices for Senior Enchanter Sweeney’s lesson about primal magic. She sometimes still struggled with this school of magic, even after five years in the Circle, and needed all the practice she could get. Her friend would have needed even more. Jowan had been at Kinloch Hold for two years already when Lexi joined, being four years her senior, yet he had even less control of his magic than she did. She was convinced, that it was mostly because he was not taking his studies seriously enough. He constantly forgot his homework, ending up copying hers more often than not. He simply could not be bothered to care.

She tried to change his view on studying; had been trying for as long as they had known each other, but she was yet to succeed. That is why she could not understand his constant complaints about her being better with magic. Studying was the only hobby she enjoyed; others took up herbalism and enchantment, but she never cared for either of those. Lexi made it her task to read all available books in the tower’s libraries, and she still had thousands more to go. Some were a slog, others she struggled comprehending. She made notes on these books, to return to them when she got older and hopefully smarter, having more chance to understand. Then there were the texts that were not even written in the common language. Thanks to their mandatory studies of everything magical, she recognized a few dwarwen words to do with the potency of lyrium. It was understandable, since the underground Orzammar was where the Circle got its lyrium from. Ultimately, she pushed these foreign tomes aside, hoping that one day, when she stopped being an apprentice only, she would get the chance to request translations or translate them herself.  

“Jowan!” she nudged him again, getting more impatient by the second. Her useless friend just buried his face into his pillow even deeper, grumbling something under his nose. Lexi grunted. “Fine. But I’m done making excuses for you. Even my imagination is limited,” she conceded, grabbed her books and whirled around, ready to leave him be.

Only friend or not, even she was not willing to risk her good standing with the senior mages of the Circle. She had just gotten to the point, when they started taking her seriously. They only needed five years for that… Five years of isolation from the other apprentices, from the mages, from everyone. She heard both the templars and the mages speak amongst themselves, how young she was. It was rare that someone exhibited magical talent before the age of eight, let alone at five. For months after her arrival, they didn’t rightly know what to do with her. She was too old for a nursery but too young to join the other apprentices for magical studies. So, she was pawned off from one senior enchanter to the other – sometimes even templars –, watching the lessons without being allowed to participate.

That is actually how she met Jowan. One afternoon, during free time between lessons she stumbled upon him in the library by pure accident. He was huddled over a book detailing the intricacies of warping telekinetic energy to create a barrier around the mage. She took pity on him, seeing his creased brows and painful expression and pulled a chair next to him to help. Of course, he just dismissed the little seven-year-old, scoffing at her insistence that she could help him learn. Then he looked at her in awe, when she created one such barrier around him, quite effortlessly, on the first try. Just because she could not participate did not mean she did not learn… She was an attentive child and manipulating this kind of energy came almost naturally to her. A barrier was her first spell, after all.

Eventually, they made a habit of studying together, slowly becoming friends. She had no one else; everyone was older than her and ignored her. That remained so even as the years passed and she officially became a student instead of a mere bystander. She tried to help others if they struggled with something, and that earned the public attention of the First Enchanter. She always had his attention, though, so that was not a surprise to her. He saw her talent and gave her lessons about various magics, and this earned her the jealousy and even hatred of some of her fellow apprentices, as some started resenting her, giving the “teacher’s pet” a wide berth. Others mocked her openly for one thing or another. She did not show how much it bothered her, how ostracized she felt, but Jowan knew and supported her. He became her only companion for years to come. If only his enthusiasm about magic remained the same…

Not long after she began her studies and started developing in the different areas of magic, he still struggled, sometimes even with the building blocks of spells. She told him to be patient and his time would come, but he lost interest in spending time with her in the library more and more, focusing on the practical implementation of spells instead of the theoretical. Lexi helped him whenever she could, but eventually realized, that her help was not what he needed. She only served as a reminder of what control looked like, and sometimes she caught even him sending her resentful glares. She tried not to let it bother her, but he was her only friend. She didn’t want to alienate him.

She sighed as she cast one last glance at the sleepy visage of her friend, made sure that her wooden sword was hung on her belt, then hastily left the apprentice’s quarters, running to the lecture hall Senior Enchanter Sweeney commandeered for himself. The presence of templars inside the room did not come as a surprise to her, as they were always present when the apprentices practiced casting. They both nodded at her, Ser Nathan giving her a lopsided smile as he tsk-ed at her.

“Late again, Amell,” the templar commented as she hurried past him. He was one of the nicer ones, treating them like people instead of worthless prisoners. But unfortunately for every templar like him, there were two bad ones. No mage liked those odds. “And alone to boot.”

“Jowan is lazy,” was the only explanation she gave him, returning his smile with a shrug, and she hurried to take her place next to her fellow apprentices.

Some smiled at her out of common decency, but more simply frowned. She was the youngest in that course and they never failed to remind her of that. Luckily, old man Sweeney cared not about her age. She wondered if he could even see her face well enough to be able to tell.

“Hmph,” came the senior enchanter’s grumpy voice. “You’ll be staying late again, missy,” he warned her, waggling a finger towards her left, at the nearby statue, missing her completely.

Maker, his eyesight was bad.

All of the apprentices jumped when he loudly clapped his hands together, which amounted to excitement on his part. “Now that everyone is here, we can get started. Today you will be honing your control over the elements. Fire, to be more precise,” he added, as he lit the piled wood in the middle of the study with a flick of his wrist. She admired the subtle way the senior mages could cast.

This exercise explained why the bookcases and books were moved to a safe distance from the practice area. She did wonder as she entered what a pit of firewood was doing in the middle of the room.

“I want you all to make the flames as high as you can. Not wider, higher,” he stressed. “Now, who’s up first?”

Unsurprisingly, it ended up being Genna, who always had an affinity for fire-based spells. The blonde girl was already jumping in excitement, her arm held high to volunteer. Lexi did not understand why she was still an apprentice. She was already eighteen and excelled at herbology and primal magic, as well. She did have some issues with her control, however. Or lack of it, more like. Every time she failed at something, screaming followed. Twice, the templars needed to fully drain her of mana after she threw a tantrum. First, after she botched an easy-to-make potion, and second after her then best friend Petra was pulled out of bed in the middle of the night and taken to the Harrowing chamber. Out of the two, it was believed, that Genna would be the one to become a mage first, not the quiet and reserved Petra.

Sweeney did not seem surprised by the girl and just waved her over to himself, opening his mouth to give her some advice. He did not get to it, however, as she was already focusing on the spell, making the flames rise higher and higher at an alarming rate. At least, until their instructor came out of the haze of her speed and used his own magic to dampen hers. It was obvious, that she was fighting his power, wanting to do her task without his interference. Her blue eyes were narrowed at the column of fire, the dancing flames reflected in them. Truth be told, Lexi thought Genna looked mildly crazed. She had clear view of the other apprentice and could tell just how hard she fought for control. She became angrier and angrier the longer it went on, and she remained powerless against the senior enchanter’s own power. It frustrated her to no end, and she practically growled, pumping so much magic into her spell, that even the rest of them felt it. The templars visibly tensed, ready to neutralize her if needed, and even old Sweeney seemed winded as he kept draining the flames to avoid any possible bursts of fire that could harm any of them.

“That is enough, apprentice,” the mage told the girl, but she just grimaced at him, her eyes remaining focused on the flames.

“I don’t know why it isn’t working!” she gritted though her teeth, unaware of the mage pushing his own magic against hers. How could she not feel that? Lexi’s arms were covered in goosebumps, feeling that raw energy spreading in the room.

“I said enough, missy,” the man repeated himself sternly. She still did not care.

“No! I almost had it! I can do this!” she assured him.

“You are losing control again.”

“No. I am perfectly in control. I always am,” she arrogantly reacted, pumping even more magic into the spell.

“You would be able to stop if you were. This exercise is not only to determine how well you control magic, but yourself, too. If your instructor tells you to stop, apprentice, then you stop. Yet you are still going, as unhinged as that fire of yours would be had I not stopped you from feeding it.”

“Y-you—” she sputtered, finally glancing at the man. It took a split second for her anger to flare, her features distorting in her fury. The suddenness of her outburst surprised Sweeney enough that he lost his hold over his spell, letting the column of fire erupt like a volcano, singeing the high ceiling of the room, almost melting a nearby chandelier.

Some apprentices screamed and Lexi prepared to shield them with a barrier if the flames got out of hand, but Ser Nathan had already intervened, draining Genna of all her magical reserves.

“No. No! I will not be able to practice if I’m drained!” she all but screamed at the templar, whose earlier jovial attitude was nowhere to be seen. The safety of others was his priority, her platitudes were worth nothing to him.

“You will not need mana for today,” Sweeney told her. “You are to be confined to your quarters for the remainder of the day to let you reflect on what happened here.”

“I’m stronger than them! I’m stronger than any of them! Why won’t you admit it?!” she screeched, her eyes wide and crazed. It was unsettling. Even more so, when those eyes met Lexi’s. “Everyone is idolizing her,” she spat at her resentfully. “It was me the First Enchanter cared about the most until she showed up. She would not be able to do what I can!”

“She is ten,” Sweeney pointed it out to her, his tone flat.

Lexi took a cautious step back, shirking away from the judging eyes. Suddenly, everyone was looking at her, as if blaming her for it. It wasn’t her fault, that First Enchanter Irving started teaching her! She did not ask for it, nor did she require it!

She felt like she should say something, but no words came out her mouth when she opened it. She was too scared to speak. She didn’t want conflict, she just wanted to learn. It was no fault of her own, that she was a quick study.

“Ah, jealousy,” came Irving’s raspy voice from the doorway, addressing Genna. “It can be quite the fuel in certain situations, if one lets it get the better of them. Controlling one’s emotions is half the victory already. Apprentice Amell, show us control,” he turned to her, relighting the wood.

Lexi gulped, seeing Genna’s gaze fill with hatred, and took yet another step back, her limbs trembling slightly. She knew, that no one would let harm come to her but she rather put as much distance between the two of them as she could. “I-I… I…” she stammered, no coherent words making it out her mouth.

The First Enchanter gave her a sympathetic look, but kept encouraging her to try. “Go on, Lexana.”

“She is ten,” Sweeney repeated, as if that would be enough to make them abandon this foolish task for her.

“Yes, Sweeney, I am aware. We were all ten once,” he dismissed the senior enchanter and gave the pyre a pointed look.

She knew that she wasn’t going to get out of this, so she gathered what courage she had and raised a trembling arm to attempt to command the fire. It was the only element that was still too unstable, too wild for her, so she struggled. As always, she tried to remember the dancing flames her sister conjured and did her best to feed the flames. She imagined her fingers shaping the fire, urging it upwards with caution. It would have been easy to command, to surrender to its wildness. She had the mana needed and had the ability. But no one was holding back her spell the way Sweeney was holding Genna’s back, and fire was too wild to lend it that much power.

She took her time with it, molding the column of flame up and up, until it reached the height of the bookshelves. She stopped there, looking at the First Enchanter to see if he wished for her to continue, but he just smiled at her.

“Control is a tricky thing,” he spoke, taking a few steps towards the pyre that was close to burning down. She could feel his power tug the flame downwards, contesting her own. It was obvious to her, that he wanted her to work against him, so she did. Not that it did much. The spell was draining her quickly, and she struggled more and more the longer she fought. She stopped soon enough, sending an apologetic look towards the mage. He did not seem to mind. If anything, he expected it. “It takes many forms. Sometimes, it is as simple as knowing when to stop,” he educated them, his gaze on Genna, who just pursed her lips at him, having cooled down a bit. “Return to your quarters, apprentice and reflect on where you went wrong.”

The girl did not bother arguing, just frowned at him as she curried off. “Yes, First Enchanter.”

Lexi sighed, wiping her sweaty palms on her robe in relief.

“Carry on, apprentices,” Irving addressed them before sending her a small smile, that she did her best to return. She hated the attention she received from everyone after he left the room, Sweeney grumpily murmuring under his nose.

They left her alone, though, for the remainder of the day. Jowan did join her next lesson, walking into the room with Senior Enchanter Uldred by his side, talking about something she could not make out. Nor was she interested. She wasn’t looking forward to the lesson Uldred would be teaching them. Entropy was a school of magic that she had no interest in. It was way too close to necromancy for her liking, some spells dealing with death itself. But Jowan was enthusiastic about it, so she encouraged him as much as she could.

The rest of their day was quite uneventful, going from one lesson to another. Lexi retired to the apprentices’ quarters but a minute before curfew, having spent the last hours in the library. Some of her fellow apprentices were in bed, sleeping, while others were heard giggling about something she was too far to overhear. She was pleasantly tired after the morning’s exercise, so she all but fell into her bed, ready to sleep. The pull of the Fade was strong, her mind falling into a state between sleep and full awareness. Rest ended up eluding her, as her eyes snapped open as soon as she heard the first scream of her fellow apprentices.

She was sitting soon enough, looking for the source of the disturbance. It wasn’t hard to find.

It was Genna, her body twisting in an unnatural angle, growls and snarls leaving her mouth, her eyes burning like hot coal as she looked at Flora, the closest apprentice to her. She moved quicker than any of them could have anticipated, grabbing the girl by the throat. The entire chamber erupted in a cacophony of screams, alerting the templars standing vigil outside the doors. They were barging inside within a second, sword, shield and their abilities ready to neutralize the threat.

Lexi only wished they could have saved Flora, but the girl was getting choked one moment, then burst into flames in the next, having absolutely no chance to survive. Her agonized screams died in her throat when she did, and her charred, unrecognizable body was flung at the templars that attempted to gain control of the situation.

She stared at them completely petrified, even forgetting to move, until Neria grabbed her by the hand and towed her out to get her out of the way. The elf was handling it much better than Lexi was, being able to move, to get the apprentices out into the hallway while the templars dealt with the abomination.

Lexi only woke from her stupor when the templars exited, covered in blood, towing two bodies behind themselves. One charred black, the other limp, bloody, and as unrecognizable as Flora. The cleaning of their quarters took hours, and she sought refuge in Jowan’s arms after he woke because of the commotion. She let her tears fall, her trauma fresh and serving as a cautionary tale. The templars were right. Mages were dangerous and at high risk of becoming abominations. Up until that point, she believed it to be nothing but a scaring tactic to make sure they stayed in line. She learnt the truth the hard way.

Needless to say, she did not sleep that night.

Chapter Text

Lexana

“Did you hear the news? There is a new templar starting today.”

“Yes. Elyse said, that he is quite the looker, too. And young,” she heard two of her fellow apprentices gossip at the doorway of their quarters, eagerly awaiting the arrival of said templar. Lexi did not give a rat’s ass about the new templar. She was too busy looking for Jowan. Where was he?!

She had already checked the men’s quarters, asked Anders, even asked a templar, but none could tell her the location of her friend. Senior Enchanter Wynne was going to have their hides if they arrived late again. She had already threatened to use them as her test subjects for testing healing spells and Lexi was not too keen on bleeding out because of the incompetence of a bunch of apprentices. That would have been an extremely embarrassing end to a yet unremarkable life.

“Oof. I’m sorry!” she pushed out as she all but barreled through a doorway in her haste, not even looking in front of her. Naturally, that’s when a templar decided to move through the same doorway. She ended up with her nose against his chest, the cold metal burning against her skin as the man burst out laughing and two strong hands gently wrapped around her arms to prevent her from bouncing back from him and lose her balance, as she was about to.

“Late again?” she heard Ser Nathan’s amused voice, and she rubbed her nose as she scowled up at him, his warm brown eyes reflecting his mirth, small crinkles appearing at the corners as he struggled to hold his laughter back. She couldn’t be mad at him. He was her favorite templar even after all these years.

“Have you seen Jowan?”

“He was in the kitchen when we passed it,” he answered her, briefly looking to his left, indicating that he wasn’t alone.

A young man not much older than Lexi herself stood by awkwardly, full in templar armor, shifting from one foot to the other. She quickly determined that Elyse was right. He was a looker; his curly hair a shade between red and blond, his brown eyes radiating the same warmth that Ser Nathan’s eyes did, and his face handsome enough to look at.

“Hello!” she greeted him with a bright smile, that caused him to turn a shade redder than he already was. “I’m Lexi.”

“C-Cullen Rutherford,” he introduced himself, no less awkwardly. Do they not teach the templars people skills?

She caught Ser Nathan roll his eyes at her lackluster introduction. “This is apprentice Lexana Amell who apparently forgot her manners with her best friend in the kitchen,” he added.

“Yeah, what is he doing in the kitchen of all…” she trailed off, suddenly realizing her mistake, her eyes growing to twice their size. It was their turn to help in the kitchen. “Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, shit.”

“Language,” the knight interjected.

“Oh shoot,” she corrected herself, earning a chuckle from the man. She was already in full panic mode and did not pay attention. “Oh, no,” she repeated herself as she combed through her shoulder-length coal-black hair. “I cannot be at two places at once! I need to decide who terrifies me more. Senior Enchanter Wynne or the cook.” She gave herself a few moments to think, blurting out, “The cook,” the same time the templar did. It earned him a grin, hearing that they were in agreement. The cook would end up baking her into the pies they were scheduled to make if she lost even more time, so she did not dally at the doorway any longer. She did stop after a few steps, looking at the young templar. “Welcome to the gilded cage that is Kinloch Hold, Ser Cullen,” she told him, then was off towards the kitchen to find Jowan.

Cullen

After years of training, he finally took his vows and became a templar, achieving his childhood dream. He always dreamt of helping people and his dedication finally paid off. It was only a bonus, that the Chantry found him place in Ferelden instead of another nation, ending up close to his home, merely a few days away. It was a comforting thought to him, that he could return if they ever needed him.

The tower itself was ominous, as it stood tall in the middle of Lake Calenhad, at the end of an ancient bridge that had crumbled in places, making it unusable and the tower only approachable by boat. Cullen did not know what he expected, but that was not it. The boatman was too chatty, his fellow templars waiting at the dock the exact opposite, and he found himself not knowing what to say and how to say it.

It all became easier when he entered the tower, a man greeting him with a kind, wide smile.

“Welcome to Kinloch Hold, young man,” he was greeted, a gauntleted hand extending towards him to shake. He did, giving the man a small smile. “The name is Ser Nathan Bolron. Knight-Commander Greagoir appointed me to show you around your new home. He is in the middle of an important meeting with First Enchanter Irving and asked not to be disturbed. He will find you after their talk is concluded. Come, let us get underway.”

He beckoned him to follow, and Cullen did so, eagerly, politely greeting the other knights, while eyeing the mages with interest. He was more than surprised when a group of young ladies giggled upon glancing at him, and he felt his face redden under the unwanted attention. The older knight just chuckled at his reaction, unbothered by it.

“You will get used to it,” Ser Nathan told him. “There is only so much to gossip about in the Tower, that the youngsters latch onto everything new. You will be old news within two weeks. Be careful with them, though. Some of them can be quite manipulative and could get you into trouble without you even realizing it.”

Cullen acknowledged this new information with a simple nod, already doing his best to ignore the young ladies that were soon running off, no doubt rushing to inform their friends of his arrival.

He listened to Ser Nathan attentively, learning the layout of the tower. Or, at least attempting to learn it. He knew, that he would need a few days to learn what he could find on which floor, but that was to be expected from a newcomer. At least, he hoped so.

On the third floor of the tower, heading towards Cullen’s assigned quarters, the two of them were waylaid by a suddenly appearing mage as they were to enter a hallway.

“Oof! I’m sorry!” she apologized to the knight she ran into, who, to Cullen’s surprise, burst out laughing instead of getting upset at the mage, even ending up ensuring she remained on her feet.

“Late again?” Ser Nathan asked her, signaling a certain familiarity with the young woman, who just rubbed her hurt nose, seemingly taking offense at the question.

“Have you seen Jowan?” she asked instead of answering, her voice bordering on indignant and a tad bit disrespectful. But the templar did not seem to mind. Cullen had not realized before, that odd friendships could bloom between mage and templar, but it seemed to be the case for them. He was told in the Chantry, that templars were in the Circles for the protection of the people and therefore building such relationships was discouraged. Evidently, not all people cared about such restrictions.

“He was in the kitchen when we passed it,” the knight answered, his eyes briefly flitting to Cullen himself to let the mage know, that he wasn’t alone.

That seemed to have been the first time she took notice of him, giving him a curious, almost appraising look. He fidgeted under her gaze and immediately noticed her vibrant blue eyes that were the same shade as lyrium and felt just as magical as they met his. The grin that broke out on her pretty face was enchanting to look at.

“Hello! I’m Lexi,” she introduced herself, realizing that he was the new templar many had been whispering about. The open friendliness came as a surprise to him, and for a moment or two, he even forgot his manners.

“C-Cullen Rutherford,” he scrambled for an introduction, his face burning in embarrassment.

He caught the knight roll his eyes at his stammering, but he refrained from commenting. “This is apprentice Lexana Amell, who apparently forgot her manners with her best friend in the kitchen,” Ser Nathan introduced the girl. It was a relief to Cullen that it wasn’t his introduction that the templar was dissatisfied with.

“Yeah, what is he doing in the kitchen of all...” she trailed off, a look of pure horror appearing on her face. “Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, shit,” she panicked. He figured that she remembered something about the reason of her friend’s presence in the kitchen.

“Language,” the older knight fondly scolded the girl, who promptly rectified her mistake.

“Oh, shoot. Oh, no. I cannot be at two places at once! I need to decide who terrifies me more. Senior Enchanter Wynne or the cook.” She fell silent for a few seconds, seemingly mulling the answer over. “The cook,” she realized, the same time Ser Nathan said it. She grinned up at the man once more before promptly heading towards the stairs leading to the kitchens. Cullen stared after her, watching her free, coal black hair flow after her with each step she took. As if feeling his gaze on her, she stopped and turned back, her vibrant eyes meeting his once more. The earlier humor and joy were nowhere to be found. “Welcome to the gilded cage that is Kinloch Hold, Ser Cullen,” she told him, then was off to find her friend.

He continued looking after her until she disappeared from view, trying to make sense of her last sentence. A gilded cage?

He soon heard his fellow templar’s chuckle.

“That is a common reaction to her.”

“W-what?” Cullen sputtered, his face burning even more. He wasn’t disrespectful, was he? Was he not allowed to look at the mages?

The knight gave him a flat look, his earlier jovial attitude gone. “She is pretty. Young and pretty.” It sounded like a warning to Cullen’s ears, but he did not know what the man was warning him against. “I’m going to tell you what I told the young men before you: you would do best to stay away from her. She is the First Enchanter’s prized pupil. You do anything untoward to her and you fly from the tower within a minute, understood?”

“I-I have no intentions to... to force myself on her. Or any of the others. I’m here to protect the mages and not... use them for... such activities,” he admitted to the knight, who gave him a mildly suspicious look before realizing his honesty.

“Good. The one that arrived before you was of an entirely different opinion after meeting Lexi. I’ll show him to you, so that you’ll know who not to leave her or any of the young apprentices alone with.”

Cullen just blinked at the man, completely aghast upon hearing such information. “Why would he... We are here to protect them! Not... Not harass them!”

Ser Nathan gave him a small smile as he clamped a hand on his shoulder. “You are a good lad, Cullen. I wish all of our brothers shared our mindset.”

“T-they don’t?”

“Unfortunately, not. Some enjoy the power they have over the mages,” he informed him as he continued walking.

Cullen’s brows creased in confusion. “Power?”

The knight sighed. “Let us pretend that you fancy one of the girls and feel entitled to her attention, desiring her, but she feels no such things towards you. One night, you are on patrol duty and see her returning from the library right before curfew. All alone, defenseless against someone that can drain her magical reserves within a second. You are physically stronger than she is, and overpower her quickly, taking her against her will. She cannot defend herself, and even if she manages to throw out a spell or two at you, she will be blamed for all harm that might befall you, even if she only defended herself. She will be labelled dangerous and will be considered for the Rite of Tranquility.”

“That is monstrous. No one should be punished for defending themselves!” Cullen protested.

“Indeed. I’m glad, that you see it that way. The last one did not and his latest would-be conquest is Lexi herself.”

“Is she aware of it?”

“She is. Every time she goes to the library at night, I accompany her to keep her safe.” He anxiously ran his fingers through his greying brown hair. “But I will not be here forever. I fear my retirement is approaching faster than I could have anticipated and if that is the case, then she will be left vulnerable soon. If that happens, keep an eye on her for me.”

Cullen didn’t know why Ser Nathan chose him, a freshly knighted templar instead of one of the more experienced ones, but he dutifully nodded. “I will.”

He was there for the protection of mages and apprentices, and he intended to adhere to the vows he took, even if he needed to protect them from his own templar brothers and sisters.

Chapter Text

Finally, Lexi and her fellow apprentices were allowed outside the tower, the weather permitting the mandatory exercises and lessons they could only have in fresh air. For minutes, she had her eyes closed and her head thrown back, basking in the sunlight they only seldomly see. They were allowed outside one day each week, but the Fereldan weather was not known for being all sunshine and rainbows. Quite the opposite, in fact.

So, she enjoyed it while she could, as the rest of the apprentices prepared for the day’s magical training with Senior Enchanter Sweeney, who was planning on using the lake itself in his teachings. To say that Lexi was less than enthusiastic would have been apt. There weren’t many things left for her to learn when it came to primal magic. She had practiced relentlessly for years until she could control all elements almost with her eyes closed.

For that reason, she brought her own entertainment along, in the form of a novel that she was in the middle of. It was exciting enough, that she only returned to their quarters the previous day when Ser Nathan all but dragged her out of the library to make sure she got some sleep. Little did he know that she had kept the book with herself, intending to continue reading. She would have, had the small orb of light she conjured let the others sleep in peace. After a brief argument with Neria, she conceded and put the book down. If only her mind was up for sleeping. It really wasn’t, though. She imagined herself in the heroine’s shoes, saving the world, living out there, free of the judgement of others.

She hated the tower. Eleven years she had been living there, and the feeling of being oppressed never subsided, not even for a minute. Jowan was no help, nor was Ser Nathan, who did teach her that templars could be kind instead of always grumpy and stuck-up. She longed to be out there, to travel. To help people. She was getting quite good with healing spells, with those only sometimes failing. But sometimes was not never, and that made her disappointed in herself. The only thing she could thrive for was perfection. Becoming the best amongst the mages. There was little else to do and want.

She did not have an easy time, however. The First Enchanter had continued giving her lessons, but those helped less and less as she grew and her arrogance about her power was quickly tempered all but a year before, when Neria had shown an exceptional talent in their duel, beating Lexi quite effortlessly. That only made her re-double her efforts to get better, but Neria kept up with her, becoming her only rival in terms of power. A part of her welcomed the challenge, but another shirked away from it. She was never a confrontational person; she preferred if people left her be as she was, and to be constantly challenged was new for her. But for Neria, it was for show. Their fellow apprentices flocked around the pretty elf, all wanting to be a part of her clique, and constantly picking fights with Lexi, whom almost everyone resented already, made Neria popular quite quickly. The elf reveled in the attention and most often than not, Lexi simply steered clear of her, for she remained the exact opposite. This was the reason their fresh friendship turned into rivalry soon enough.

She only had Jowan and he was practically no help if it came to a confrontation. The only other person she could count on was the similarly reclusive Anders, who hated bullies as much as she did and hated the tower even more so. He had attempted to escape several times, sometimes even managed to for a few days before the templars caught up to him. She had considered joining him in one such endeavor, but they put him in solitary confinement for a year after catching him, and that was something she had no wish to experience.

Ever.

“You know, that old Sweeney hates it when you read during his lessons, right?” Jowan interrupted her train of thought as he unceremoniously plopped down onto the grass next to her as they waited for the mage to arrive. Several templars were already loitering around the place, including the newest, Ser Cullen, who she had met all but two weeks before.

She grinned at her friend. “Do you really think that he can tell it’s me?”

He huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, you got a point there.” He quieted down for a few second, anxiously wringing his fingers together. “Listen, I heard talk that he wants to make us duel each other. If we can choose our partner, can I count on you? I-I know that Neria would be much more of a challenge for you, but...”

“I’m tired of the constant squabbling she keeps orchestrating,” she cut him off, her tone sharper than she intended. And to think that all but a year before, she would have called Neria her friend… She had no idea what changed to incite such confrontational behavior out of the elf. “If you want me to spar against you, then I will, of course,” she agreed, softening her voice.

He gave her a small smile. “Thanks. At least I know that you will not ridicule me or destroy me completely, unlike others would,” he told her, his voice full of self-deprecation, as per usual when it came to magic. She felt sorry for him. He tried. She knew, that he tried his damnedest to get stronger, but it was an insanely slow process for him, no matter how much she tried to help.

She opened her mouth to disagree with his assessment, that the rest would wipe the floor with him within a few seconds, but he was right. She would not, because she would be holding back.

“Everyone here?” she heard the Senior mage’s voice as soon as he entered the lakeside courtyard. While Jowan stood to approach the others, Lexi just buried her nose into the book again, continuing to read from where she left off.

“Senior Enchanter, Amell is reading again,” she heard Neria’s complaining voice, that directed all eyes Lexi’s way.

“Snitch,” she snarled at the elf as she slid the book into her bag and stood, her good mood soured immediately.

Their instructor just grunted. “What are you reading this time?”

“Oliver Pawell’s Witch in Cat’s Figure.”

“Ah, yes. Sad ending. To live the rest of her life as a cat...”

Lexi’s jaw dropped for a second, before she indignantly crossed her arms above her chest. “Must you spoil all of the books I’m reading, Senior Enchanter Sweeney? You spoiled the previous, too,” she murmured, narrowing her eyes at the man.

The old man grinned at her. “Did I? Oops,” was all he told her, earning a few laughs from the apprentices. “Perhaps you should stop reading during my lectures, missy, then I would keep this information to myself. Now, come here, if you feel so confident in your abilities that you think you need not participate, then you might as well be the first to try this.” He beckoned her over to the edge of the water, and lifted his arms in demonstration. As he did so, the water rose higher and higher, curving above the two of them like a tidal wave. “This requires concentration and power. Do you think you could manipulate water this way?” he smugly asked her as he gently, slowly let the water recede back into the lake.

Lexi just nervously looked at him. He made it sound and look so easy, when in reality, it was anything but. The most they had practiced with was a tub full of water. Not... Not an entire lake!

“That would be extremely dangerous,” she pointed it out. So many things could go wrong. One slip and she would put everyone’s lives at risk.

“Only if you fail.”

“This is a massive amount of water! If I lost my grip on it even for a second, then the tide could sweep us all away just as suddenly!” she protested this stupid idea vehemently.

“Then I suggest not losing it,” he coldly told her as he walked back, away from the edge of the water. “If you do, then I guess that will be a valuable lesson to you.”

She stared at him for a few silent seconds, ready to tell him that she would not be doing it, but she saw the self-satisfied smirk sitting on Neria’s face and decided to the Void with it, she could at least try.

She straightened her back and lifted her head high. “Fine. I shall make an attempt.”

Lexi soon whirled around and shut her eyes, taking a few calming breaths, focusing on the water, the gentle waves crashing against some rocks nearby, the fresh air that wafted over from the lake, and the water itself, that resisted her calling to bend to her will. It was so much water!

“Well? We do not have all day,” Sweeney interrupted her concentration, making her frown.

“You can do this, Lexi. If anyone can, then it’s you,” Jowan encouraged her as she took one last breath before she opened her eyes, reached out towards the water and commanded it to rise.

It took an insane amount of power just to grasp it, let alone lift it, but she would be damned if she gave up only because it was draining her of mana at an exponential rate. Some of the apprentices actually gasped when she managed to curve the water above herself, already heaving from exhaustion and nearly drained of magical energies. She panicked, when the furthest edge of the water began slipping out of her metaphysical grasp, and in one heave, she pushed the water back into the lake and fell to her knees.

“Satisfied?” she asked the senior mage with a trembling voice, keeping her eyes on the angry water, that was returning to her like a tidal wave, ready to sweep her away. She had enough energy left to throw a barrier up along the shore to prevent the flooding, but it drained her completely.

Her vision went black for a moment, and that was enough for her to fall forwards, face-first into the lake. She was back to her senses just as quickly, sputtering and spitting out water, and trying her best to get her arms underneath herself to hold herself up. She had no need for it, though, as armored footsteps approached her quickly enough and gauntleted fingers wrapped around her upper arms to steady her and prevent her from falling into the water again.

“Are you alright, apprentice Amell?” the templar asked her. It was the youngest, Ser Cullen.

She spat some more water out before nodding. “Fine,” she croaked out.

Sweeney huffed out a breath. “Alright, alright. You can get back to your book, missy. Why you haven’t gone through the Harrowing yet, I’ll never understand,” he murmured, to Lexi’s biggest surprise. She dared think he sounded impressed and that did not happen every day.

She wiped the remaining water off her face and looked at him, finding the older mage with a pensive look on his face. He thought that she was ready for her Harrowing? That’s the first someone had even brought that topic up.

Lexi also noticed Neria’s deep frown, that conveyed her dissatisfaction with Lexi’s success. The elf was nearly three years older than her, and she hadn’t gone through her Harrowing, despite being as good as Lexi. If not better in some schools of magic. It was definitely a sore spot for her.

“Can you stand?” Ser Cullen asked her, his hands still holding her.

“Yes, I should be fine. Thank you, Ser Cullen,” she thanked him and gave him a small smile that he returned as soon as he let go. Just to be safe, he remained near her while she stood on wobbly legs, and watched her closely as she made her way to the shade of the tree to resume her reading. Only once she was sitting did he walk back to his post, resuming his watch over the apprentices.

Sweeney was already back in front of the lake by that point, walking back and forth, instructing them to try what she did. He explained the process of it and did not seem surprised when they failed one after another. The only one that got as far as Lexi did was Neria, who commanded the water with much more ease than Lexi did. She showed not one moment of weakness, of the spell taking its toll on her, as she curved the water above them all, blocking out the sunlight. She held it in place for seconds, her arms raised high. It took all but a split second for her to lose control, and all that water was pouring down on the apprentices, some screaming, others attempting to throw up barriers around themselves for protection. Lexi was faster than any of them, shielding them all with a barrier of her own. She had recovered enough to be able to hold that spell quite effortlessly, preventing the water from sweeping them all away, into the lake.

The elf stared at the motionless water, blankly blinking at it, trying to figure out how she managed to do that. It did not take her long to realize, that it was not her. Nor Sweeney, who just frowned up at the sight. He did not seem worried, unlike the templars, who were in just as much danger as the apprentices. Perhaps even more, with wearing heavy armor that would have made them sink into the depth of Lake Calenhad in a manner of seconds.

“I had it under control!” Neria snarled at her once she realized that she intervened.

“Like Void you did,” Lexi threw back, keeping the barrier strong above them.

“This is my trial, not yours, Amell. I have it under control.”

Lexi just raised her eyebrow at her and broke the barrier right above the elf. She shrieked when the water poured down on her, and those closest to her all but jumped back in fear. They shouldn’t have. They were well-protected by the spell.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Neria. I thought you said you had it under control,” Lexi commented, speaking with an overly sweet voice, keeping the barrier up until old Sweeney woke from his own stupor and commanded the water to recede. She gave the drenched elf an innocent smile that was anything but, earning a few snickers from the other apprentices. The old mage was not nearly as amused. Nor were the templars.

“That’s enough out of both of you ladies!” Sweeney snapped. “This is education, not a childish competition! You are confined to the tower for today and for next week. That’ll teach you not to act like bickering children.”

“But—” they both began, and the man’s frown grew.

“For the next two weeks,” he quickly corrected himself, shutting them both up. “Now get going. Some people still need to learn, and you’ve taken up enough of our time for today,” he grumbled, and turned to the templars. “You, lad,” he called out to Ser Cullen. “Go with them and make sure they do not murder each other.”

Lexi rolled her eyes at the exaggeration. They had no love for one another, but they never would have harmed the other, either. At least Lexi had no desire to see the elf harmed. She liked staying away from confrontation. It was safer.

Ser Cullen looked at his elders for a few seconds, silently asking if he should do as the mage wanted him to. They all agreed to it, so Lexi put the book away and stood, ready to spend the rest of the next few weeks inside. She sighed. For years, she managed to stay out of everything that would have warranted punishment of any kind, but her luck had seemingly run out.

“This is your fault!” Neria snarled at her and Lexi had no intentions of getting into yet another argument with the elf, so she just shrugged. In hindsight, it might not have been her best idea to date, as it angered the other apprentice even more.

She screamed when from one moment to the other, the ground disappeared from underneath her, and she was flung into the water, getting dragged down and down until she couldn’t tell what was up and what was down. She fought the pull with all strength she had, even trying to use her magic on the water, to command it to take her to the surface, but she only managed to flail around, her lungs burning painfully and her vision blackening at the edges.

Someone jumped in after her, she knew. She saw a hand reaching out towards her right before the world went black.

She was on her back when she came to, on the soft grass, people fussing over her. Their voices were muffled and out of focus, as were their visage when she blinked her eyes open and shot up, coughing up water and breathing heavily, her lungs burning. Anders and Jowan were by her side, both of them wet and looking concerned. They had every right to. She would have drowned were it not for them.

“Thank you,” she told them, squeezing their hands quickly and tilted her head left and right to get the water out of her ears. Her hearing was better immediately.

“Maker’s breath, Lexi. Why hadn’t you told us before that you cannot swim?” Jowan asked her, as he sagged down onto the grass.

“I can swim. I was being pulled into the depths,” she croaked at them, then coughed some more. Her answer caused both of them to look at Neria, who looked at Lexi furiously over her shoulder as she was being led towards the tower, flanked by two templars.  

As if it was an inconvenience that she dared survive.

Lexi threw herself onto her back and stared at the blue sky. “I was just planning on reading a book in peace,” she complained, dragging a wet hand over her face.

“You’ll have plenty of time to do that,” she heard Ser Cullen’s voice from above. “I am to escort you to the apprentices’ quarters.”

She groaned as she shut her eyes, hiding her face behind her hands. The young templar was giving her a sympathetic look when she looked up at him again. “Must you? Can’t I just stay right here and stare at the sky?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’ll catch a cold in that drenched robe,” Jowan reprimanded her.

“Right,” she reacted as she looked at her body. The apprentice robe was tightly sticking to her body, accentuating her curves. She was still growing into them, but there was already a lot of difference between the robes she wore but a year before and the one that was on her. She sighed again as she sat up and wrung water out of her black hair. “If I am to change, then so should the two of you.”

“Yeah, we really should,” Anders agreed, holding his hand for her. She thought about swatting it away, but he did just save her life, so she took it, giving him a small smile.

“Stop ogling the apprentice and get back to work, children!” Sweeney reprimanded the apprentices, who were all curiously leering at Lexi, then he was whirling on her. “And you! What are you still doing out here, missy? Inside you go!” he all but ordered her.

“I’m going, I’m going,” she murmured as she let Anders pull her up, her knees buckling under her for but a moment. But that moment was enough for Ser Cullen to place a gauntleted hand around her upper arm and steady her. She shrugged his grip off soon enough, frowning at him. “I’m fine,” she muttered as she picked her nearby bag up. Luckily, it did not follow her into the lake and stayed as dry as it could be. She could feel people’s eyes on her, so she did not wait for her equally as drenched friends, just headed after Neria and the two templars. She could only hope that their destination would end up being a different one.

Chapter Text

Old Sweeney did not let the boys follow her, so her only company was the silent, but ever so vigilant Ser Cullen. She could feel, that he watched her closely to make sure she was alright and she was grateful for that. Not many templars cared about mages the way he seemed to. He was the only one that moved for her aid, in any case.

She threw her wet hair over her shoulder as she walked, and her drenched visage earned her quite a few looks once inside. Among them was Ser Nathan, who reached out to her to stop them, making her walk into his extended arm.

“What happened?” he asked her, taking note of her shadow. It was unusual to see two different apprentices getting trailed by templars.

“Neria decided that I should go for a swim in Lake Calenhad,” she answered.

The knight demandingly crossed his arms above his chest. “Mhm. Did you provoke her this time?”

“I never do. You know that, Ser Nathan. I wish they would all just leave me alone. It’s not my fault, that my magic is stronger than theirs. I’ve been here for far longer than most. I have had more time to learn.”

The aging knight just sighed. “Children,” was all his reaction, accompanied by a slow shake of his head.

“I’m not a child anymore!” she protested, earning a small smirk.

“Sure, you are. You merely got taller,” he added, ruffling her hair. She just scowled up at him indignantly. “Now, you better head to your quarters and change before Ser Gavin sees you like this.” The mere mention of that name was enough for her to shiver. That man was a creep through and through, all but obsessed with her.

“Ugh. Right. See you later, Ser Nathan.” She threw a quick smile at him before hurrying off, her eyes curiously flitting from one templar to another.

She wasn’t blind; she could see just how much her wet robe emphasized her womanly figure. The last thing she needed was for Ser Gavin to spot her and start drooling after her, as was a habit for him. Ever since he joined the Circle’s templars, she could not go anywhere on her own, as the man was dead set on pushing himself onto her. Lexi was certain, that he had already undressed her within his mind, uncaring about her young age. It was disgusting.

“How long have you been here?” came the question from Ser Cullen, whom she had almost forgotten about, for he had been trailing her without striking up a conversation. She just stopped and blinked at him, causing him to redden slightly in embarrassment. Truth be told, she found it adorable. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. Y-you mentioned to Ser Nathan, and I was just—” 

“No need to apologize, Ser. It is no secret. The tower has been my home for the last eleven years.” His brown eyes grew almost comically large, causing her to stifle a laugh at his incredulity. “Yes, I was five when I cast my first spell,” she added, her hand finding the hilt of the wooden sword she always carried with her. The other apprentices thought it childish, but they did not know its significance. It wasn’t just a toy.

“That is extremely rare,” he pushed out, completely stunned.

“Indeed,” she agreed as she continued their walk, towards the nearby quarters. He did not ask further questions and a part of her wished he did so. He was not much older than Lexi and was still the talk of the tower, about how shy and bashful he was. She could confirm both of those, and it only earned her curiosity.

She was surprised, however, when he grabbed her by the arm again as they arrived at the top of the stairs. He had no reason to stop her, so she furrowed her brows at him. People were usually less handsy with mages. Did he not hate them like most of his brothers and sisters? 

“I...” he stammered as he scratched the back of his neck with his free hand. “Ser Gavin is on duty at the closest entrance, so we should take the longer way around.”

This small kindness baffled her completely. She was so not used to people caring about such things.

Most would not have taken into consideration that she might feel uncomfortable around that man.

“Thank you, Ser Cullen. It is thoughtful of you to warn me,” she thanked him, giving him a small smile. “Let us go the longer route, then.”

She was on the lookout as they approached her quarters, trying to see if he ended up being correct. He did. Ser Gavin was loitering at the other entrance, thankfully not noticing them. She could change into dry clothes in peace, as the younger man remained in the hallway, waiting for her to return. Even though there was no need for it. Although she did appreciate it.

She was securing the wooden sword on her belt as she rejoined him, earning a curious look from the templar. “You are never seen without it,” he mused thoughtfully, eyeing the sword. “I never thought I would see a mage carrying a sword, even a toy one at that.”

“I’m not carrying it with myself because it is a toy. I’m not six anymore,” she told him as she unsheathed it and handed it to him. Not many had asked about her sword before, and she was willing to explain it all to him. She started talking as soon as she noticed him read the names that were roughly carved into it still. “It is the only thing I have of my family. I got it from my brother, Marcus, as a parting gift when the templars broke us away from each other. He is the only sibling I even remotely remember, because the others were taken when I was even younger.”

That immediately got his attention. “All mages?”

She nodded, staring at the sword with a sad smile. She couldn’t recall Marcus’ voice anymore. He was just a blur of features on a young face.

“All of us. Taken to different Circles,” she answered, her voice melancholy, as was usual when she thought about the family she’ll never see again.

“I never understood that rule of the Chantry’s teachings,” he admitted as he handed the sword back to her. As soon as he did, she started walking towards the library. She intended to finish that book. “I’m sorry,” she heard him say as he followed her close enough to be able to continue their conversation.

“So am I. It is my fault that my brother was forced to reveal his abilities after successfully hiding them for over a year.” She will never not blame herself for that. If only she had run into the trading post instead of freezing, waiting for the bandit to slay her.

“How so?”

“Bandits attacked the village and he protected me from one of the men, forming a fist out of the earth and striking the man with it. I should have just run inside, but I was too scared to move.”

“You were young,” he pointed it out. As if that helped make her feel any better.

She scoffed. “That’s no excuse. He was so careful for so long... Perhaps we would both be home with our father if the bandits didn’t attack that day.”

“It is safer for you here,” he told her the universally accepted lie.

She scoffed again. “Right. An apprentice nearly drowned me in the lake all but twenty minutes ago. How is that safer than living in a village, surrounded by family, by people that actually care about the person I am instead of what I am?”

“Mages can be dangerous to others,” he tried to get her to see his side.

“So are bandits and highwaymen. So are templars, if you really think about it,” she coldly told him.

“It is different.”

She stopped walking and whirled on him, invading his personal space, making him tense. She hated the direction this conversation was heading. “Is it? You could cut me down right where I stand in a matter of a second if you so wished. What does that make you if not dangerous?”

“I am here for the protection of others. I would never hurt anyone undeserving,” he told her, his eyes boring into hers. From that close, they seemed more amber instead of brown. An unusual color. Like swirling honey.

“And yet you are already gripping your sword just because I dared stand this close to you,” she observed, glancing down at his weapon. He forced himself to loosen his grip, even though it meant going against his learnt instincts, but he wanted to show her that she was wrong to accuse him of meaning her any harm.

She didn’t care. She knew exactly what she was. A prisoner, nothing more. But the templar before her sadly did not see it that way. He was just like the others, only somewhat kinder. What a shame. She was hoping he would be like Ser Nathan, but she was wrong.

“I can make my way to the library on my own, Ser. You need not bother with following me,” she threw at him as she turned around once more and without waiting for him to wake from his stupor, hurried off.

She chided herself for getting into such a conversation with a templar, that was as brainwashed against mages as any other. Whenever a new one showed up, she hoped that they would be sympathetic towards the mages and recognize their struggle and lack of freedom for what it is. She had only been met with disappointment so far. Why was she even trying?

She sighed as soon as she took her usual spot in the library, pulling the book out of her bag. No one bothered her as she was reading and getting lost in her own thoughts enough for her to need to reread some paragraphs. Her mind kept steering her off the pages. She couldn’t help but think about Sweeney’s words to her. About her Harrowing.

She had spent eleven years at the Circle and yet she still had not been put through it. Was she too young still? No, she did not think that. There was no age limit to the Harrowing. She wasn’t powerful enough, then. But... she exceled at almost all schools of magic. Was that not the definition of power? Did they think she would fail? Did they want some more time to prepare her for it? Why would they? The First Enchanter only seldomly involved himself with their studies. Hers being the only exception she knew of. Why single her out if not because he saw potential in her? But if that were the case, why hadn’t they put her through the Harrowing yet?

So many questions!

She soon buried her head into the book, her forehead colliding with the pages almost painfully. Her mind could be a mess if she let it get out of her control. Could that be the reason they did not trust her with the Harrowing yet? Because she spent a fair amount of time within her own mind? For years, her own thoughts were her only company and she still liked retreating into them. Did that make her unreliable? Untrustworthy? Or--

“Lexi!” a younger apprentice, Nikki, called out to her excitedly, and she almost screamed in surprise as she raised her head to turn to the nine-year-old. The girl was grinning wildly, leading a group of six, all around her age. She was already impatiently tugging on Lexi’s sleeve, not waiting for her to speak. “You said you would help us if we needed it. We need it. Enchanter Leora is being unfair, and did not provide any literature for us to learn from! Can you help us understand? Please?” The girl’s doe eyes were even larger than ever before, as she looked at Lexi with an expression that bordered on begging.

She sighed, glancing down at the book that she was not going to finish any time soon, and snapped it closed.

“Y-you’ll help us, then?” Nikki asked, her voice hopeful.

“I did promise, that I would.” A series of excited cries followed her assent, and she allowed herself to smile. There was something to be told about the boundless joy and excitement of youth. Who was she to inhibit them in any way? They wanted to learn. Good for them. “What subjects are you struggling with?”

“Wards,” came the answer from one of the boys.

Lexi stood soon enough, leaving her bag and her book at the table, and walked to the wide empty space between the rows of full bookshelves. “Sit while I gather some relevant tomes,” she told the children, who immediately took their place on the carpet, eagerly awaiting her return.

She pulled four books off the shelves, all detailing some aspect of wards and barriers, then took her place in front of the children, crossing her legs. They each had one problem or another, and figuring out a way to help them all was the trickiest part. She demonstrated a few times and then corrected their movements when they attempted to copy her. For hours, they remained there, unbothered, until a mage showed up and demanded she let the children go to the dining hall to have supper. She joined them on their walk there and sat down next to Jowan, who was absent-mindedly pushing a meat-roll back and forth with his fork, lost in his thoughts.

“A sovereign for your thoughts?” she spoke, startling him.

“Oh, Lexi. Ehm... I was just... I overheard two templars talking about a Harrowing tonight.”

“Wondering if it’s yours?” she asked as she took a bite.

Her friend gave her a thoughtful nod. “I’m the oldest apprentice here. Been here the longest. It would be time, right?”

“Maybe. Do you feel ready for it?”

His shoulders sagged. “I don’t know. I’m scared that I would fail. We still know nothing about it other than it can end with the apprentice dead. That means it is dangerous.”

“Hmm. Yeah,” she agreed, remembering Gabe, who was pulled out of his bed in the middle of the night all but a few months ago, taken to the Harrowing chamber, never to be seen again.

“Aren’t you scared of it?”

She shrugged as she continued chewing. “No. I’m confident in my abilities,” she answered with her mouth full.

“B-but what if it’s you? Sweeney did mention it earlier today. Even he thinks you should be Harrowed already.”

She just shrugged again. “There must be a reason they won’t put me through it. I trust them. If they think I’m ready, then I am, if not, then I’m not. No need to work myself over it.”

Jowan scoffed. “Easy for you to say. You are powerful.”

“Give yourself some time, Jowan. You’ll get there,” she tried to lift his spirits, but that never worked before. There was one thing that could drive a wedge between the two of them and that was the immense difference between their levels of magical power. It was one of the main reasons she tended to hold back and protest any kinds of presentation of her capabilities. It made her friend feel inferior and she hated it. She sometimes wished she struggled as much as he did, but most often than not, she chided herself for such thoughts. It does him no good to pity him for it.

“I’ve been giving myself time for years, yet I’m no closer,” he murmured as he stabbed the ball of meat and took a bite, almost looking disgusted. Lexi didn’t know why. It was quite tasty. “Anyways... Tell me about the new templar.”

She instantly furrowed her brows at him. “Why are you asking me of all people?”

“Because he seemed to make it his mission to make sure you are safe.”

She frowned at that. “He did not single me out like Gavin did, if that is what you mean. He is just... he really believes that he is here for our protection. To keep us safe.”

Jowan gave her an incredulous look. “It’s the templars we need to be afraid of.”

“That’s not how he sees it. It is kind of admirable, if you really think about it. Unlike most, he isn’t here out of hatred, but to protect people. Unfortunately, that also means that he cannot see that we are prisoners here.”

“So, kind of like Ser Nathan, then?”

“Kind of,” she agreed.

“That’s good. There are too few of the likes of them around here. Nice to know there is another now.”

“Indeed.”

The rest of their dinner time was spent exchanging gossip, as Jowan informed her of what happened at Sweeney’s lesson after she left. Failures, apparently. Anders had the most success with manipulating the water, but even he did not manage to raise it as high as Lexi or Neria did. These failures considerably dampened everyone’s spirits by the end of the exercise, and it showed on them as Lexi looked around the hall. If she focused enough, she could hear some of them discuss the day’s events, some bringing up the incident between her and the elf. She was surprised to hear that most seemed to be on her side and condemned Neria’s actions against her.

She had no wish to listen to them talk about her, so she all but shoveled the food inside her mouth in haste, then was off, back to the library to put the previously used books away. She had left the library in such hurry, that she did not even get to do that beforehand. She noted the change of guard at the entrance; Ser Cullen was posted right outside the door, and he gave her a nod and a small smile as a greeting. Both of which, she respectfully returned before she walked inside and approached the books thrown across the floor. As if a spell went awry... She sighed. She really needed to teach the children how to properly handle these priceless tomes.

Lexi barely managed to gather them into her arms when they showed up again, eager to continue their studies. She gave in with a sigh, taking her place on the floor once more. They remained there for as long as they could, nearly until curfew. She expected templars to show up at that hour, but the footsteps that approached them were not from armored feet. She looked up at the newcomer, thinking it could only be Jowan looking for her, but it ended up being Neria, of all people, a wild sneer on her face.

“Oh, what’s this? Book club for the children?” she asked her as she looked from apprentice to apprentice. “You know, I’m beginning to think that is why, even after a decade of living here, they refuse to put you through the Harrowing still. You are childish, reclusive, and afraid of your own magic. They no doubt believe that you would fail.”

“She is more powerful than you!” Nikki protested vehemently.

“Yeah! And nicer!” another girl, Brielle, agreed, with the others nodding in agreement.

Lexi could sense a disaster in the making, so she spoke up to quiet the young apprentices. “You are not helping, girls. Please, stay out of this,” she asked them as she stood, crossing her arms above her chest. “Now, is there a real reason for your visit or did you just come here to tell us your opinion about me? An opinion, that we all know by now, by the way. What did I do to make you hate me so much? You seem to despise me on principle, Neria. It wasn’t always so. What changed along the years, then?”

“I realized, that if I wanted to be the best, the most talented, then I needed to get you out of the way. One way or another,” she admitted, all but snarling, electricity crackling at the end of her fingertips. Lexi instantly moved in front of the children to protect them if needed. “But you always find a way to get away, no matter how convoluted my plan gets. I’m sick and tired of you, Amell.”

“Neria, please calm down,” she desperately begged the other apprentice, but it was no use. The electricity was up to her elbows in a matter of seconds, as she primed a spell. Lexi considered shouting for a templar to come and interfere, but the elf would not have learnt her lesson from that. “Violence is not the answer here. We can solve this another way. Be reasonable, please. That is a powerful spell you are priming. You risk your own well-being, as well as ours if you cast that spell inside. We both know that it would be a waste if they performed the Rite on you because you had a moment of weakness and attacked us. You know, that it is what they would end up doing, right? You cannot just attack people willy-nilly and expect to get away scot-free.”

“Oh, but no one will know that it was me. The templars are too busy right now to notice anything out of the ordinary. Unlike you, Lexana, I have friends I can count on, no matter what,” she reacted, as electricity crackled off her arms, striking one of the tables nearby. The wood blackened instantly. Had it struck someone, they would probably be dead.

This situation was getting out of hand quickly, and Lexi was prepared to use her own spells against the elf if needed. Anything to protect the kids.

“Let the children leave, Neria. They should play no part in this.”

The elf let out a hollow, slightly crazed laugh. “I’m not letting them leave. Not after they witnessed this. How stupid do you think I am?”

“Is that supposed to be a trick question?” Lexi asked back, earning another scowl and yet another arc of electricity lashing out; this time at the stone wall behind them. The children screamed at that and huddled together, trembling in fear as soft dust coated them. “That is enough, Surana. Think about what you are doing, for crying out loud!” she chastised the apprentice, readying a barrier just in case. She was just about done with Neria.

“Getting rid of an obstacle!” she threw at Lexi, and without any preamble, released the lightning at her, making even Lexi yelp out in surprise as she threw the barrier up. The children screamed even more, some crying in fear. Lexi could not allow herself to be blinded by her own fear as she protected them, keeping the barrier up even after Neria had let go of the spell, panting and her mana nearly completely drained. The elf was ready for this, however, as she downed a lyrium potion she had brought with herself.

Lexi was more than fine with her own level of mana, ready to keep the barrier up until some form of help arrived; for as long as she needed. Only a templar had other ideas and drained her as soon as she came into his view.

She looked at Ser Cullen with panic clear in her eyes as he drained her completely, making the barrier disappear. “No, no. Not me, please. I’m just protecting the childr—” She did not get to finish the sentence, as Neria’s next spell caught her right in the chest, sending her flying against one of the bookshelves. She groaned as she slammed against it with a sickening, painful thud, breaking some of the shelves off in the process. But she only vaguely felt the books falling on top of her as the pain overwhelmed her, and the world blackened.

She awoke on an uncomfortable bed that wasn’t hers, and it must have been the middle of the night still, for there was absolutely no movement around her. She groaned as she forced herself to sit, then whined when the movement caused pain to spread all over her body.

“Easy, easy. You are still healing, apprentice Amell,” Ser Cullen tried to keep her placated. Only a few torches were lit along the walls, but it was enough for the light to illuminate him. He wasn’t wearing armor anymore as he sat by her side, looking frazzled and sporting a small bandage on the hand he was reaching out with. He pulled it away soon enough, realizing that she would probably not want to be touched, and he was right. He was among the last people she wished to see at that moment.

“And whose fault is that?” she asked him as she did her best to try and find a comfortable position to sit in. Everything made her hurt, so she gave up soon enough and just laid back down, looking at the young templar.

“Mine,” he knew. It came as a surprise to her that he admitted it. “I’m so sorry. Surana was out of my view as I entered. I heard the children scream, so I did not even think when I saw you standing above them, casting a spell. It was an instinct to drain you completely and it almost killed you. I left all of you defenseless against her. I’m sorry,” he repeated himself.

The genuine regret in his voice caused her building anger towards him to dissipate. He made a mistake, that in any other situation would not have been considered one and could have even protected others. She couldn’t be mad at him. “You are forgiven. It was an impossible situation and you needed to act fast. I do not blame you for turning against the first mage you saw.”

“Still, I could have reacted better. Had I decided to take a few more steps forward, I would have realized that you were not the aggressor,” he softly chided himself, clearly bothered by his lapse of judgment.

“We all make mistakes.”

“Not ones that could cause multiple deaths, though,” he pointed it out sourly.

“You are too hard on yourself. We are all fine,” she negligently told him, despite not knowing the status of the children. “We are, right?” she asked him as she shot up again, looking around the chamber that she identified as the infirmary. They were the only occupants, but that fact did nothing to calm her. “The children?” she asked, wincing, fighting against the pain that was coursing through her body.

“Traumatized, but otherwise fine. One of them managed to throw a shield up in time.”

She grinned at him, all pain forgotten for the moment. “Really? I’m so proud of them. They approached me because they were having troubles with wards and shields,” she decided to explain to him. “That success means that practicing with them was definitely worth it.”

“That is fortunate, then,” he agreed, a small kind smile gracing his otherwise exhausted features.

That reminded her… What was he even doing there? He was not on duty, since he was wearing simple pants and tunic instead of full armor as usual. He still cut an imposing figure, yet he seemed so much smaller without his armor. His muscular arms were impressive, especially for someone not much older than Lexi herself.

She scolded herself for even looking and eased herself back onto the mattress instead, biting down on her lip to prevent herself from crying out in pain again. It was getting old very quickly.

“Is there a chance that they left something for the pain?” she asked.

“They did not think you would wake until morning,” he told her apologetically.

“Ah, shit. Shoot, I mean,” she quickly corrected herself. The templars never liked to hear them swear. Why? She had no clue.

The templar chuckled at her slip-up. “Do you want me to get Senior Enchanter Wynne? She is the one that treated you, so I’m certain, that she could give you something for the pain, too.”

“No need. She gets grumpy when bothered for no good reason.”

“But it is a good reason. You are in pain,” he insisted.

“I’ll live,” she dismissed his worry. She really was fine if she did not move. At all. Which was hard. “But what became of Neria?” He instantly looked away from her and that was enough of an answer. She took a shaky breath. Even that hurt. “It is better that way. She was so overcome by the desire to best me that she turned on us all. Could you believe, that years ago, I considered her a friend?” She scoffed. “Before she got it into her head that she wanted to be the best. Only that meant getting me out of the way. I did wonder why I had been so misfortunate lately,” she mused, thinking back to some accidents that happened around her in the past months. She never would have expected Neria to have a hand in them, though. She did not think the elf so devious.

“She attacked you twice yesterday.” Oh, it was already yesterday? She was out for at least three hours, then. “Did she try anything like that before?”

She shook her head. “No. I think… Senior Enchanter Sweeney mentioned my Harrowing. I believe she wanted to make sure that she would go through it first. And since there was apparently one scheduled for this night, she presumed that it was me and decided to act before it became too late.”

“It would have been her Harrowing, actually,” he informed her. “Instead, she got the Rite of Tranquility. But how did you know about the Harrowing? These are supposed to be kept secret between the templars involved.”

She shrugged, then stifled a curse. Fuck, her body hurt like hell. “Jowan overheard two templars mutter about it,” she pushed out, then checked her own mana reserves. Already replenished fully, so she could cast a few spells on herself that would get her mobile enough to walk to the apprentices’ quarters. “Would you permit me to cast a few healing spells on myself? I’d like to return to my own bed for the night.”

“Of course. But you are not allowed to leave the infirmary. They will want to examine you in the morning, to make sure that you are alright.”

She groaned. “Ugh. This bed is so uncomfortable.”

“I’m sorry, apprentice Amell. Truly. But I do not make the rules.” She could have sworn he barely managed to stop himself from smiling at her problems.

She rolled her eyes as she lifted her gaze on the ceiling and cast a few healing spells on herself. She gasped when one of her ribs all but popped back into place with a loud snap. “That. Was. A. Broken. Rib,” she pushed out breathlessly, fighting her tears. With trembling hands, she cast another healing spell, feeling the lump on the back of her skull disappear. Why did they not do this before? What did they do? They managed to leave her broken, less than half-healed. “Where did I even get these? You’d think that an entire bookshelf would have been needed to have fallen on me to get these injuries instead of books.”

“It did,” was Ser Cullen’s deadpan answer.

“Oh... Well, that explains the extensive damage, then. Those things are massive.”

“That they are. I needed help to lift it off you,” he admitted, looking concerned about her well-being. “Are you certain, that you do not wish for me to get a healer for you?”

“Yes, yes. I’ll be fine now, thank you. No need to act the mother hen any longer. You can return to your own quarters now. No more harm will come to me.”

“I volunteered to watch over you for the night,” he countered her as he leant back on the chair he was sitting on, crossing his arms above his chest.

“What, you are just going to watch me sleep? That’s creepy.”

His eyebrows furrowed for a few moments as he thought that over. He must have realized that she was right, as he sheepishly looked away from her, sighing.

“You are not wrong. Do I have your word that you would remain here for the night instead of sneaking into your own bed?”

She huffed out a breath. “Fine. Fine. I will not try to leave the infirmary.”

That assent was all he needed; he was standing as soon as she gave her word. “Good night, then, Apprentice Amell.”

“To you, too, Ser Cullen.”

A few minutes after his departure, she was already sleeping soundly, waking only in the late morning hours.

Chapter Text

It had been months since the incident with Neria. Lexi couldn’t help but feel bitter every time she saw the Tranquil elven woman on one floor or another. So much potential, wasted for no real reason. All for what? Prestige? Power? Neria had hoped for more, setting the same goal Lexi did. To be the best. Only Lexi had no wish to fight the elf for it.

But that did not matter anymore. What mattered is the revelation that had left Lexi completely gobsmacked. The revelation about why it was Ser Nathan’s job to make sure Ser Cullen knew the order in the tower. The younger templar was sent there as his replacement, for Knight-Commander Greagoir decided it was time for the man to retire to Denerim.

Lexi wasn’t stupid. She had noticed the signs of constant lyrium-use on Ser Nathan. He had confided in her many-many years ago, what the templars must go through to keep their abilities and it had terrified her. The only thing more terrifying was seeing the signs he had warned her about. It started after her incident with Neria; the knight was becoming paranoid, once even jumping at his own shadow. She also sometimes caught him muttering to himself, as if having a conversation with someone.

It was jarring and heartbreaking to see him lose more and more of himself to his excessive use of lyrium, but she could do nothing but watch. She was there to say goodbye when two templars from Denerim showed up to make sure he got to the city safely. Ser Nathan had become all but a shadow of himself by that day. He lost weight, his hands were jittery, and sometimes, she felt he did not even recognize her. Or anyone, for that matter.

Uncaring about the attention, she jumped into his arms, close to sobbing. She didn’t want to lose him. He was the closest thing she ever had to a father figure. She squeezed her arms around him, prompting him to comfortingly pat her back.

“You’ve always been the best of them, Lexi,” he told her. “You’ll do us all proud one day. I know it.”

“I’ll miss you, Ser Nathan,” she whispered to him, stubbornly fighting her tears, holding it together.

“I’ll miss you, too, kiddo.” Liar. They both knew he might forget her within a few months. She didn’t call him out on the lie, though, as she let go when she saw the helmeted templars move closer to them. It was her cue to let them take him. “Be careful Lexana. Danger might lurk closer to you than you would think,” he told her in a low voice, his gaze flitting to the nearby Ser Gavin.

“I know,” was all she was allowed to react with before the templars arrived to them and politely, but firmly pointed Ser Nathan towards the entrance of the tower. He gave her one last smile before they led him out, the doors closing behind them with a loud creak.

She had no wish to keep her emotions in check any longer, so she all but ran into the furthest, most hidden corner of the empty library and broke down crying. She couldn’t even remember the last time she cried or why she did. She knew that it wasn’t nearly as heart-wrenching as crying over the loss of a… of a friend. Her tears came unbidden, in seemingly unending flows, for what felt like hours. She could only sniffle and hiccup by the end of it, calming down enough to be able to stand and make her way to the infirmary. She promised Senior Enchanter Wynne that she would help with creating some poultices.

Her cheeks were puffed-up, and her eyes were dry and red, so it earned her a few curious looks from her fellow apprentices and the templars alike. Not many were aware of her most recent troubles, so she could already hear gossip running wild. The most infuriating among them was the one that proclaimed her and Ser Nathan lovers. It made her stomach coil in pure disgust. The man could have been her father, for crying out loud!

She ignored them as best she could, and slowly sauntered her way into the infirmary. Wynne and several others were in the process of treating two injured templars. Another Harrowing gone wrong.

Not for the first time since she heard about the test, she wondered what it entailed. It was such a closely guarded secret, that not even Ser Nathan dared speak to her about it. Maybe she could have convinced Cullen to tell her, though. They had been slowly building a friendship of sorts since her confrontation with Neria, so with the right questions, she might even manage to get some information out of him. Maybe one day, when she was in the mood to try.

Her help was needed in the infirmary to replenish their injury kits and healing poultices, so she got to work right away, spending almost her entire day crafting there. She only stopped for lunch and then dinner and returned almost immediately after both, to the disappointment of Jowan. He had hoped she would help him with understanding the practical implementation of various spells he was struggling with. Even Lexi was beginning to think that he was a lost cause. Even some twelve-year-olds were better than him, and she feared the implications of such a thing. She knew, that her friend’s biggest fear was being made Tranquil. She dared not tell him about her own fears regarding how likely that was becoming after each failed attempt at casting at a rudimentary spell level.

With troubled thoughts, she worked until the sun had set and Senior Enchanter Wynne all but kicked her out of the infirmary, softly chiding her for spending the day inside instead of outside, like the rest of the apprentices did. She had no wish to go outside and watch them fail one after another during old Sweeney’s lecture. There was nothing else the old mage could have taught her, and they both knew that. The rest she needed to figure out completely on her own, in her free time. The older apprentices were allowed to experiment with spells under the strict watch of a templar and away from others they could have harmed, and she had made plenty of use of this, usually asking Ser Nathan or Ser Cullen to accompany her to an empty lecture hall for some practice. That was also how she attempted to imprint some knowledge on Jowan and even other apprentices when their impromptu lesson was discovered.

She sought refuge in one of those halls, not intending to practice anything. The library was too busy for her liking, even at such a late hour, so she took a book she had been meaning to begin and flicked her wrist to ignite the firewood in the nearby fireplace, and made herself comfortable in the armchair. It was a dry read, about ancient artifacts that had been lost to the ages many years ago. She did find a few interesting articles; some even had illustrations on what the historians believed the items looked like.

Her peace and quiet did not last longer than an hour, though, as her reading session was disturbed by a set of armored footsteps. Not Cullen’s. The young templar had lighter steps. This one put more weight on one of his feet, making every second step slightly louder than the other.

The first thing he did when he spotted her was to quickly drain her of mana, unprovoked, and it was enough for her to know his identity within a second. Lexi jumped out of the armchair, hugging the large tome to her chest as she backed away from Ser Gavin, who was giving her the creepiest smile she had ever seen.

“Well, well, well. Nathan isn’t here anymore to protect you, little mage,” he began as he stilled his approach at the armchair she abandoned. His mouth was pulled into an annoying smirk. “The old fool had claimed you for himself, didn’t he? Did he at least fuck you right?”

Her mouth twisted into a sneer as she backed into the wall, with nowhere left to go. She did not like her odds. “Not everyone is a sick fuck, like you, Gavin. Now leave me be or I will scream,” she warned him, her voice not nearly as confident as she had hoped it would be.

She should have remembered to bring someone with herself. It was really stupid of her to be alone.

“What, no Ser? Is that how you greet the knights?” he mockingly asked her as he moved around the armchair, his green eyes roving her body hungrily.

“You do not deserve to be addressed as such, for you are a piss-pour example of one.”

That got a humorless chuckle out of the man. “You’ve got such a mouth on you. I wonder how well you could use it on me,” he mused and crossed the distance between the two of them.

She yelped out in surprise when he forced the book out of her grip, and she screamed to alert people nearby to what was happening inside the lecture hall. Her scream was cut short, however, as without any hesitation, he plastered his mouth to hers, all but swallowing the sounds she made. She tried to squirm her way away from him, to get as far as she could, but she was powerless against him. Pummeling him with her fists got her nowhere and she only would have been kicking his armor if she decided to kick him in the balls. So she bit down on his lip. Hard enough to draw blood, that she spat out and wiped off with the sleeve of her dress as he pulled away from her, his eyes filled with fury.

“So, that is how it’s going to be,” he snarled, as he grabbed both of her wrists and lifted those above her head to immobilize her, ending up trapping both under one of his hands while the other started feeling her up. He unclasped her belt first, grabbing a hold of the wooden sword. “You will not need this,” he told her, and promptly chucked it into the fireplace, where the flames enveloped it in a second.

“No! No, no, no!” she screamed as she struggled, not taking her eyes off the only reminder she had of her family, that was about to go up in flames. She tried to control the flames to make those avoid the sword, but he was keeping her drained. “No! Let me go, you bastard!”   

“Stop squirming,” he warned her as he squeezed her wrists hard enough, she knew both would bruise later.

She screamed again, louder this time, until a gauntleted hand shut her up. It was his luck that he wore that; Lexi would have already bitten a hefty chunk out of his hand otherwise. He made a frustrated sound as he realized, that both of his hands were occupied, so he didn’t have a free hand to fondle her with.

Not that he would have had the chance. Someone heard her scream and entered the chamber to investigate. She sent Cullen a pleading look as soon as he came into her view, and he sprang into action soon enough, his hand closing around the grip of his sword without unsheathing it.

“Step away from her.” For the first time since she had known him, Cullen’s voice was sharp and cold. Threatening.

But he wasn’t the one she was afraid of.

Gavin sneered at him as he turned to face him. “Stay out of this, Rutherford. I saw her first. You can have her once I’m done. Not before.”

She tried her best to squirm away from the hand he pulled away from her mouth, but there was nowhere left for her to move. The hand trailed a path down her curves during those few seconds Cullen needed to close the distance between them and punch the asshole in the face. His gauntleted hand met Gavin’s skin with a sickening crunch, tearing it open immediately upon contact. She scurried out of the way as soon as she could and Cullen put himself between them, his stance protective, waiting for Gavin to retaliate.

The hurt templar snarled at Cullen and swung a fist at him, missing his mark by about a foot, for he was still reeling from the force of the punch he got and was unstable on his legs. It seemed to Lexi, that the younger templar really did not hold back if only one hit was enough to disorient his opponent that much. She was grateful for it, though.

“Lexi, I need you to get the Knight-Commander here,” Cullen told her without taking his eyes off the other templar. “I know, that you are terrified right now, but please, do it.”

“Right. Right,” she hurriedly pushed out as she stood on trembling legs that seemed to be rooted into the floor. “I-I can do that. Yeah,” she added, took a deep breath, and spun around, running like she was trying to escape from a wild beast.

She ran with one goal in mind. To seek out Knight-Commander Greagoir and get him to the lecture hall before Cullen got hurt. He had the upper hand as she left, but the two men had the same training, so they might have been evenly matched. She didn’t rightly know. She made no habit of watching the training exercises of the templars, unlike most of the girls her age. She had more important things to do than ogle the fighters.

It was by pure luck, that she collided with the man she was looking for as soon as she tore a door open. “Knight-Commander!” she all but screamed at him, her eyes huge. Both him and the templar he was having a conversation with looked startled at her sudden appearance. “Please, come quick. It’s Sers Cullen and Gavin. They are fighting in a lecture hall!” she slurred at him rapidly.

He must have understood something she said, because his posture changed, indicating his alertness. She had his attention.

“Why are they fighting?” he asked her as he quickly moved past her, already heading downstairs to the lecture hall, the other templar, Ser Simeon following right behind.

“B-because of me, ser. I-I was reading in the lecture hall, on my own, when Gavin showed up and drained me of my magic to be able to force himself onto me. Ser Cullen heard my scream and rushed to my aid. H-he told me to get you while he keeps Gavin occupied.”

“Had Gavin tried anything like this before?”

“No. Ser Nathan always volunteered to accompany me, so Gavin did not get any opportunity to do so.”

“And now, that Nathan is gone—” Greagoir came to the conclusion and swore under his breath.

“Gavin saw an opportunity and took it, yes,” she added, breathless. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had to run that fast and that much. She was running out of energy quite quickly.

She was still the first one to make it back to the hall, almost letting out a startled scream at the sight. During those two minutes she was gone, their positions had been reversed, as it was Ser Cullen that was kneeling on the floor with a bloodied face and a sword raised high to strike him down.

Consequences be damned, she struck Gavin with the same spell her brother Marcus used all those years ago to protect her, and she squeezed the man between the wall and the fist made of stone, as she uncurled the fingers and trapped him completely. Cullen looked at her with huge eyes as he noticed their arrival, and the Knight-Commander leveled her a certain look.

“Amell,” he gave her a warning that she knew meant that she was supposed to let Gavin go and stop using her magic against the templar. Greagoir did not drain her, though, since she nodded and showed complete cooperation, dissolving the stone hand into nothingness with all but a thought.

“K-knight-Commander! T-they attacked me!” Gavin complained in a whiny voice as he wiped the blood off his face, sagging weakly against the wall.

“We’ll see about that story,” the man reacted, stone-faced as he approached. “Get up and come with us, Ser Gavin.”

There was no place for the protest that wanted to leave Gavin’s mouth, so he just angrily narrowed his eyes at her and pushed away from the wall, not even sparing a glance at Cullen, who was mapping up his injuries with an uncovered hand. Lexi could barely look at anything else, but was forced to tear her gaze away when the Knight-Commander walked up to her.

“You keep trying to stay out of trouble, yet it keeps finding you still.” She heard no resentment or judgment in his voice, but there was a hint of disapproval woven between his words as he looked at Cullen over his shoulder. “I’ll deal with Gavin. You make sure that Rutherford is healed before leaving this hall. We will want to keep this quiet.”

“Yes, ser. It never even happened,” she agreed.

“Good. Get to it, then,” he told her as he led her assailant from the lecture hall. The look she got from Gavin had her believe, that this was not over so quickly.

Still, for the moment, she was safe, and she could take a deep breath of relief once only the younger templar remained with her. She all but ran to him and knelt, tears shimmering in her vision as she observed the bloody sight that welcomed her. Cullen blinked at her and pulled away from her when she lifted a hand to touch his cheek.

“Sorry! Sorry, I-I was just—” she stammered, dropping her hand onto her lap, fidgeting with her robe. “Trying to see better. To…”

“Heal me,” he completed her sentence, his voice gentle. “I’m sorry. I’m just not used to…” He uneasily cleared his throat, looking away from her almost bashfully.

“May I?” she asked this time as she lifted a hand, getting a nod back from the young templar.

She was cupping his lightly stubbled jaw soon enough, as gently as she could, and cast one healing spell after another until the bruises disappeared from his face. She kept her focus on his injuries, but could see his eyes flitting back to her before looking away again. When she deemed her job finished, she gently turned his head left and right to make sure she was indeed finished with the healing.

“Care to tell me how this happened? I gathered that you had him under control,” she told him as she sat back onto her leg and let go of him.

He frowned. “That’s what I thought, too. But he was tricky,” is all he said as an explanation as he stood and recovered his own sword that was presumably knocked out of his grip.

“Sword,” she muttered as she remembered her wooden one, and she was scrambling towards the fireplace in the next second, still on her knees. “No, no, no,” she muttered desperately as she extinguished the flames. She spotted the handle of the wooden sword, the rest already blackened and crumbling as she pulled it free and let it go just as quickly. It was too hot to touch. “No,” repeated herself, completely dejected, as her tears finally spilt forth from her eyes. She sat down onto the cold floor as she watched the charred toy. Her only reminder of her family. Gone. Just like that.

“Lexi?” Cullen hesitantly approached her, kneeling down next to her. He likely didn’t understand why she chose to break into tears at that particular moment.

“H-he t-took it. The w-wooden s-sword,” she explained, her voice broken by her sobbing. “T-threw it in-into t-the fire. It’s… gone. T-the only t-thing I h-had of m-my family and it’s… it’s g-gone.”

It didn’t take long for Cullen to hesitantly pull her to his chest, into an awkward hug, that she did not mind. She just kept crying against his chest as he held her wordlessly. This was Lexi’s way of trying to cope with her most recent loss of Ser Nathan, the trauma of almost getting raped, and the destruction of the only material possession she had since she was a child.

Cullen held her until she had calmed down, and the shaking of her body stopped, as she slowly gained control of her emotions, feeling lighter. “I’m sorry. That was…” she began, but he interrupted her.

“Don’t apologize for this. You are having a horrible day. You must process it somehow,” he insisted kindly. “Are you feeling better?” She answered with a nod as she wiped her wet cheeks with the sleeve of her robe. “Let us make a deal, okay? Any time you want to be alone in the library or one of the lecture halls, you come to me, and I will accompany you.” She nodded again as she sniffled, not trusting her voice enough to speak. “We should head upstairs. Curfew will begin shortly.”

Lexi cast one last longing look at the remains of the sword before she relit the fire and watched it swallow the wooden toy. Then she stood, took a deep breath to steady herself, fixed the belt Gavin had tried to undo, and made sure she looked as presentable as she could.

They made their way to the apprentices’ quarters in silence, where they parted ways, and she was immediately waylaid by Jowan, who fussed over her as if he were her mother. Cullen did not mention that she had blood on her face from when she bit Gavin, so that instantly alarmed her friend. Naturally, he had to pull it out of her. She told him everything as she washed the blood off to prevent others from inquiring about it. It was enough, that Jowan had seen her messed-up visage; others absolutely did not need to get the gossip-mill running.

Curfew began shortly after she finished her tale, and that meant Jowan needed to leave the women’s quarters, leaving her on her own. She was in her bed soon enough, ready to just let that awful day come to an end.

She would realize it only by the end of the next day, that maybe it was all worth it. She never saw Ser Gavin again.

Chapter Text

In the past year, somewhere down the line Lexi had developed an interest in watching the training of the templars. For years, she had failed to understand what the girls her age had found so interesting. They did not appreciate the fighting; not the same way Lexi did, anyhow. She had developed an appreciation for the art of sword-fighting and self-defense after her incident with Gavin.

It wasn’t a complete lie, per se, but it certainly wasn’t the whole truth, either. It is how it started as. She cared not for the templars, but over the months, her eyes started lingering on one of them. Usually for an embarrassingly long amount of time. But was that not natural? She supported her friend with her presence, is all. At least that was the lie she kept telling herself to steer her thoughts away from the real reason.

She wasn’t watching Cullen because they befriended each other, no. For her, it was becoming much more than mere friendship. No one had cared about her the way he did. Not Jowan, not Anders, and not even Ser Nathan, whom she still missed even after a year.

Every time they met after classes were done, he accompanied her to either the library, or one of the lecture halls, the conversation between them flowing flawlessly. It did earn them a few looks and a certain awkward confrontation with First-Enchanter Irving after he had walked in on Lexi demonstrating a few spells on the willing templar for an audience of younger apprentices. She was beet red as she shut down the First-Enchanter's assumption of the two of them being more than just friends, and ironically, that’s when she realized it.

She had a crush on Cullen.

A templar.

Maker, what was wrong with her?

It didn’t feel wrong, though. Listening to him speak about his family and life before the Chantry, and his training had her shower him with question after question about the world outside of the tower. She did not remember much. She did not even remember what dogs looked like and Cullen went to great lengths to explain to her what mabari were.

The shy young man she had met when she was sixteen was nowhere to be seen when they were on their own. He talked about his interests with great enthusiasm, that had her hooked on his every word, and she admired how bashful and red-faced he got when he realized, that he had been talking about a topic for minutes without stopping. Lexi did not mind this. It only added to his charm.

Not that she would ever admit that to his face, no.

Mages and templars were not meant to be friends, let alone more, so she knew that even if the whispers about his infatuation with her were true, nothing would happen between them. It was so unfair, that mages were not allowed to live happy lives and fall in love. She could have easily fallen in love with Cullen had she allowed herself the chance. But she wasn’t supposed to, so whenever such thoughts invaded her mind, she quickly found a better, happier topic to occupy herself with.

Only it became harder each day to stray her mind from the templar that was possibly the kindest man she had ever met. She knew, that she would surely go mad if she had to live the rest of her life pining over him, without ever being able express how the warm gaze of his eyes made her feel and how his bashful, shy smile had her heart beating rapidly in her chest.

She was in so much trouble, and she couldn’t even talk to anyone. Jowan was all but missing lately, spending most of his time at the Chantry, doing only Maker knows what. And Anders... He had been inconsolable and even more reclusive since Karl was moved from the Circle to the Gallows of Kirkwall. She knew, that those two were involved and was likely the cause of their separation. Yet another example of happiness being all but forbidden for mages. Even if their cause of happiness was a fellow mage.

It was infuriating, how much they were shackled just because of what they were born with.

“Are you alright, Lexi?” Cullen asked her, standing right next to the armchair she had been sitting in for the past hour, thinking instead of reading the Theories of Elvenkind as she was assigned to by the First Enchanter. She might have yelped out in surprise, but if asked, she would vehemently deny it.

“Yes, of course,” she lied as she quickly snapped the book shut and gave him a smile. It did not fool him even for a second. She sighed as she looked away from him and sagged back against the armchair. “I’m just thinking about... stuff.” There was no way in hell she would be confiding to him about that certain topic.

“That did not tell me much,” he remarked as he walked in front of her and crouched down, one hand behind his back.

“Just... Just the things I have no control over but desperately want to.”

“Such as?” he inquired, ever so curious.

“Doesn’t matter. It’s foolish,” she dismissed the topic and instead tried to make out what he was holding behind his back. “What are you hiding, Ser?” she asked him, craning her neck to try and figure it out.

He knew that it was her way of changing the topic and he did not feel like pressing her to admit what she had been thinking about. He likely would have been horrified at the notion of her having a crush on him. Even if that feeling happened to be mutual.

“Your birthday present, of course,” he answered as he revealed the surprise. Lexi’s breath got caught in her throat as he presented the wooden sword to her, shyly scratching the back of his neck with his free hand. “I-I know that it is not the original, but... I know, that you miss it, so I thought...”

Her eyes were instantly filled with tears as she reached out with a trembling hand and accepted the thoughtful gift. “Cullen, this is... I don’t even...” She didn’t know what to say. “You even got the names carved into it,” she realized, her emotions choking her by the end of the sentence.

Not waiting for any sort of reaction, she launched herself out of the armchair and into him, the momentum and suddenness of her bear hug surprising him enough to lose his balance and topple backwards with an “Oof,” and his armor crashing against the stone floor, the sound of it echoing throughout the large chamber.

Lexi held herself motionlessly above him for a few seconds, to make sure no one would come and investigate the noise only to find the two of them in such a position. When she was certain, that there was no danger of that, she sagged onto him, hugging him tightly.

She muttered a heartfelt “Thank you, Cullen,” against his chest and reveled in the feeling of his arms slowly closing around her, returning the impromptu hug.

“You like it, then?” he sheepishly asked her.

“Are you kidding me?” she asked as she pushed herself up, leaning on his chestplate. “This is the best gift I have ever received. Thank you,” she thanked him again, and in a moment of weakness, swiftly closed the distance between them and pushed a small kiss against the corner of his mouth, his stubble tickling her skin.

He froze underneath her almost immediately, his face turning even redder than was usual, and she already cursed herself for her weakness. She just had to go and mess it up so spectacularly, didn’t she? It wouldn’t have been her...

But Cullen did not let her push herself away, his arms around her holding her against him. Before she knew it, his lips were on hers with a gentle kiss, clumsy and unpracticed. She didn’t care as she tried to match his motions for as long as he allowed it, her stomach doing flips in her happiness. Unsurprisingly, he was the one that broke the contact, nearly shoving her away from himself.

“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” he stammered as he stood hastily. “We shouldn’t have... Not allowed to... We... It is...”

Without uttering another word, he turned on his heel and all but ran away from her, as quickly as he could. She stared after him until she could no longer hear the echoes of his footsteps, then broke into tears.

She was aware, that this would happen, but she hoped... She hoped that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for them to be more. Even in secret. But no.

She was nothing but a fool for thinking a templar would ever want anything to do with a mage. It was wrong of her to even think of such a possibility.

But why did rejection hurt so much? As if knives were thrust into her heart. Repeatedly, opening one wound after another.

It was unfair.

Such was the life of a mage.

Lexi did not even understand why that came as a surprise to her. It really, really shouldn’t have.

When had anything gone right for her? She had been in the tower for thirteen years. Still an apprentice, no rumors, nothing about the possibility of her Harrowing. There was nothing else for her to learn! The lectures became boring and useless for her years ago.

Why were they waiting still?

Why had she not been deemed ready yet?

She sighed as she wiped her stubborn tears away, a finger tracing the roughly carved names on her new sword. It was slightly bigger than the first, but it mattered not. The names were correct is what mattered, and would yet again serve as a reminder to her. Of all she lost. Of all she would not be getting back. She might as well have added Cullen’s name to the others, with how much she fucked it all up.

She took a few minutes to pull herself together and get her emotions under control, then stood and made her way to the infirmary, finding it all but deserted. Senior Enchanter Wynne had already left with others at the behest of King Cailan to the ruins of Ostagar. They were to fight the amassing darkspawn horde there, along with the crown’s several other armies. The templars and mages took most of the healing potions and poultices, so Lexi took it upon herself to replenish the Circle’s supplies. She needed to occupy her mind somehow. Anything was better than thinking about the templars’ training that she had no desire to watch. Not anymore.

“Lexi! Lexi!” she heard Jowan barrel into the infirmary, and she glanced up to see him grinning from ear to ear, holding an overly decorated cupcake. “You are hard to find!” he added, breathing heavily. “Happy birthday!”

Despite her troubling thoughts, she smiled at her friend as she wiped her elfroot-covered hands on the apron she was wearing and accepted the gift with a wide smile on her face. She did manage to skip dinner, so after a heartfelt “Thank you, Jowan,” she bit into it. For all the talent he lacked with magic itself, his cookies and pastries always ended up deliciously magical. This was full of chocolate, that she adored. “This is amazing, as per usual. Thank you, my friend.”

“You are most welcome,” he replied, looking proud and satisfied with himself. He had every reason to be. At least he had managed to complete something successfully.

She took another bite before turning back to the brewing potion to stir it lightly, cautiously keeping the cupcake away from the small cauldron to avoid crumbs falling into the liquid.

“Oh, hey, where did you get the sword from?” he curiously asked her, seeing the wooden toy hanging from her belt.

“It was a birthday gift,” she answered, doing her best to leave bitterness out of her tone.

She might have succeeded, as Jowan did not pick up on it. “From whom? I’m your only friend.” That made her freeze for a few seconds. He was likely correct.

“Yeah. You are the only one who doesn’t resent me for one thing or another,” she whispered bitterly, her mind instantly going back to her latest interaction with Cullen. She had purposefully and successfully avoided him for the afternoon.

“Oh, oh, wow. What’s with the tone? I’m usually the one out of the two of us that uses that bitter tone. What happened?” he asked her as he walked into her line of sight, trying to catch her gaze.

“Just me being my usual stupid self, I guess.”

“What? Okay, okay, hold on a second. ‘Your usual stupid self?’ What’s gotten into you? Other than the senior enchanters, you are the smartest person here. Why are you calling yourself stupid, then?”

“Doesn’t matter,” she murmured without taking her eyes off the potion she was still stirring in well-practiced motions.

“Of course, it matters!”

“It doesn’t!” she snapped at him, shutting him up. “So just drop the topic. Please.”

He dramatically threw his hands up. “Be my guest, then. Wallow in your obvious misery. On your birthday, no less,” he murmured as he turned around and walked out of the infirmary. She wanted to scream. She wanted to tell him, but he wouldn’t have understood nor would he have had any comforting words for her. So what was the point?

She was obviously supposed to exist and then perish on her lonesome, as people tended not to care about her at all. But that’s always been like that. Even with Jowan... The only reason they called each other friends was because he needed Lexi to help him improve all those years ago, and since he barely had anyone, they stuck together. It was logical that they ended up doing so. He befriended her only because he needed her.

Was she really that unbearable? Did she have nothing but her usefulness to show? Was that all she was? A tool to be used?

The only one that seemed genuinely interested in her was Cullen. He never tried to use her for anything. And now she lost even that. Would she ever be able to even look at him again? The ground would surely open up and swallow her whole, her shame unbearable.

But perhaps that was what she deserved for catching feelings for a templar of all people. To be buried under mounds of dirt, never to be uncovered again.

Perhaps--

“Shit!” she cursed when the potion started boiling, almost wasting two hours of her time. She managed to save it with a quick ice spell, but she was forced to realize, that her mind was too unfocused to keep working.

So, she finished what she was doing, labeled every potion according to its strength and purpose, cleaned up after herself while munching on the cupcake, then decided to retire to the apprentices’ quarters early. She had a feeling, that Cullen would not be at their usual meeting spot to escort her to the library, as it had become a habit for them, and truth be told, the last thing she wanted was to be alone. She welcomed the noise of the quarters as she flopped down onto her bed and just stared at the ceiling until sleep claimed her.

Chapter Text

Lexana

The days went by quickly as she was made busy by the First Enchanter, who, after her eighteenth birthday, had taken it upon himself to include her in various matters of the Circle. She had been involved for years, for she had been chosen by Irving as his personal apprentice, taking great interest in her studies. But even he had limits to what he was allowed to teach to an apprentice, so these lessons became less and less frequent. Well, after the disastrous birthday she had, he restarted these lessons, testing her mind and her magic both. As if preparing her for something.

A fortnight went by with Lexi staying as far away from Cullen as she could. She knew his postings by heart, so she managed to avoid him almost effortlessly. She missed him, though. She was so lonely and had no one to talk to about things that bothered her; had no one she could have confided in. The other apprentices only approached her when they wanted something explained but were too embarrassed to go to the enchanters.

So, she buried herself into books, into whatever the First Enchanter cooked up for her. It didn’t matter as long as it had her occupied.

Until one restless night she was woken up by two templars and all but dragged out of her bed, sleepy and yawning. Her mind did not even register what was happening until they had entered the Harrowing chamber. She greeted the people already there with a yawn she did not completely manage to stifle, then combed through her free-flowing hair with her fingers to make herself somewhat presentable. She sincerely doubted that she managed, since she could barely keep her eyes open.

“It is time, Lexana,” First Enchanter Irving began when she stopped before him and Knight-Commander Greagoir.

She did notice Cullen there amongst the other templars, looking uncomfortable and almost sick. For a few seconds, she wondered why, only to then realize, that it was probably because of her. Of her stupidity. Why else would he give her such a sorrowful look?

She realized why when they told her the reason of his presence. He was chosen to be the one to cut her down if she took too long or became an abomination. Or maybe he volunteered. Maybe he despised her and wanted to be rid of her. He would be, soon, one way or another.

She furrowed her brows at the leaders of the Circle as her mind finally made sense of her task. Enter the Fade, avoid making any deals with demons. Easy.

“Wait, that’s it? That’s what the Harrowing is?” she asked them, quite upset that they made her wait thirteen years for it. Needless to say, they did not understand her reaction and she had no intention to explain herself, so she just approached the lyrium on the pedestal and took a deep breath. “Easy-peasy. I’ve been dodging demons in the Fade since I was twelve,” she muttered under her nose just loud enough for others to hear.

As soon as her hand made contact with the liquid, she was gone, not hearing any of their reactions.

The Fade had been different from her usual dreams; less structured and less detailed.

It was boring, really. She methodically got rid of the wisps of energy that attacked her, none posing much of a threat to her. And since she knew, that her test involved demons, she was more than suspicious of the innocent Mouse. Analyzing his words, she would have said that he might have been a Pride demon, but that was absurd. Those demons are notoriously strong, and she wouldn’t have stood a chance. Besides, if he was a Pride demon, then he would have already attacked her instead of letting her continue.

So, she dismissed her worries about Mouse, as she approached a spirit of Valor. Mouse insisted she get a weapon to fight the demon with, even though as a mage, with lyrium veins littering the Fade, she did not need a weapon. But it was always good to have a backup plan, so she successfully coerced the spirit to lend her a staff and moved on soon enough, approaching the only other entity in the area. A sickly bear that wasn’t even a bear but a Sloth demon, that offered to teach Mouse how to take its form.

Lexi had no clue why that was needed. It was her test; she was supposed to fight her opponent alone. But the Sloth demon made no moves to attack her and the clearing that Mouse warned her of was empty when she made her way back. Sighing, she hurried back to the demon and agreed to partake in the stupid riddle game it thought up. She got all answers right and that meant that Mouse was now a bear, for whatever good that did them.

A fiery Rage demon awaited her on the clearing, which she found more than odd. Why did Mouse’s form matter so much? It was obvious, that the change of that was the catalyst for its arrival. Lexi did not have time to ponder it, though, as the demon charged at them with all its raging form, forcing them to jump away from each other in their haste to get away from it. Mouse proved to be a great distraction while she cast one spell after another, completely replenishing her mana from one of the nearby lyrium veins when she ran out, and in less than a minute, the Rage demon was vanquished. She did not feel the satisfaction she thought she would, and listening to Mouse’s excited, prideful comments, she realized why.

Her first instinct was right.

Mouse was indeed her real enemy, a Pride demon that revealed itself in all its terrifying glory when she mentioned out loud that she had a feeling the Rage demon was not her real test. It did not keep the façade up any longer, but it did not attack her, either. It left with merely a warning to her and she just stared at the empty space in front of herself until she felt the pull of reality and she shot up to sit, her hand still buzzing from the lyrium.

She was met with astonished faces as she looked around and said, “Stupid demons,” before exhaustion claimed her and she fell into deep, dreamless sleep.

Cullen

He felt like a fool.

A year was all it took for his resolve to waver, for his emotions to cloud his senses. For a year, he had wanted to hold her. To kiss her.

A mage.

Maker, what was wrong with him?

But her weight on his body did not feel wrong. The featherlight, innocent kiss at the corner of his mouth didn’t feel wrong. The kiss they shared represented everything he wanted. Everything he was not allowed to have.

Lexi.

She would always be a mage and he a templar. There was no changing that. She must have realized that, too, since after he ran from her, she stayed as far away from him as she could. She missed the training that she had begun attending but a few months prior, she did not meet him later at their usual spot for him to accompany her to the library and for the next two weeks, he barely caught a glance of her here and there.

It was agonizing to realize, that because of his own weakness, they would never be the same. They wouldn’t spend entire evenings talking about various topics, with Cullen admiring her shining lyrium-blue eyes and the long, luscious black hair that kept falling into her face when she was reading. She kept forgetting to pin it up to get it out of the way and her frowns when she realized that never failed to make him smile without her noticing.

But it would all be gone because of his own stupidity. All he had to do was to apologize, maybe try to come to an agreement that they would forget that kiss ever happened. Instead, he ran like the coward he was, ran from his feelings that screamed and screamed at him to go back to her. To not leave her there. She kissed him back, so this infatuation of his might not have been as one-sided as he had believed. Not that it changed anything.

They weren’t allowed to... They weren’t allowed anything. They would never be allowed to... be anything to each other. No matter how much they would have wanted that.

He didn’t want to lose her, though. So, he asked for a change in posting, to get the chance to be close to her again, and on the day he finally got it and made up his mind about talking to her, he was summoned to the Knight-Commander’s office in the early hours.

“There is a Harrowing scheduled for the night,” Greagoir began as soon as Cullen closed the door behind himself. “You have been present during a few, but only as support. For this one, though, you have been chosen to be the executioner should the Harrowing go wrong. Irving and I are both confident in the apprentice, but demons can get even the strongest of mages.”

The last part of his sentence alarmed Cullen. “Who is the apprentice?”

“Lexana Amell.” His stomach might have dropped upon hearing that. And he was chosen to... Maker, how was he to talk to her, knowing that he might end up being the one to kill her? “I trust that your rumored feelings for her will not complicate things?”

Cullen froze. “M-my... feelings? I-I don’t--”

The older knight stopped his attempt at denying it with a firm motion of his hand. “Save it, Cullen. I, too, was a young man once. I know exactly what it’s like to want someone you cannot have,” he confessed, to Cullen’s surprise. “I trust that you will be able to do what needs to be done.”

“Yes, Knight-Commander. I... I will kill her without hesitation if needed.”

“Good. You are dismissed, then.” Cullen crossed his arms above his chest and bowed lightly, turning towards the door. “Oh, I don’t think I need to say it, but you know the rules; not a word to her about it.”

“Of course, Ser,” he agreed, then left to assume his new post, his mind reeling from what was asked of him.

All day, he hoped to catch sight of her, but when he finally did, she was with First Enchanter Irving, in deep conversation with the mage. She did not even see him as they walked past him, quietly arguing about an application of a spell Lexi was studying. The enchanters were not supposed to be readying the apprentices for their Harrowing, but Irving had devoted much of his time to Lexi in the past two weeks. She had always been his favorite, that was obvious to everyone, even the youngest apprentices.

But no, Cullen suspected there was something else behind this. That they were planning something for Lexi. He just did not have an opportunity to figure out what it was.

The night arrived within a blink, and with it, her Harrowing. She was accompanied into the chamber by two templars, who walked behind Cullen to be able to provide backup if needed. Lexi looked like a mess, and it was endearing to see her always sharp mind boggled in her sleepiness. He could barely stop himself from thinking about waking next to her visage every morning; run his fingers through the messy hair he had always ached to touch, trying to untangle the created knots.

He scolded himself just as quickly for letting his mind wander. Especially that day, when he was tasked with killing her if she turned into an abomination. He couldn’t meet her eyes for long when she was informed of that, for she looked almost betrayed. It felt like he betrayed her. But he couldn’t go against what he was commanded to do.

Her brows furrowed as she tried to make sense of it all with a sleepy mind, and her face showed how upset she was. He did not understand why.

“Wait, that’s it? That’s what the Harrowing is?” she asked the leaders of the Circle. She clearly expected a greater challenge than what was presented to her.

Cullen knew from personal experience that this was not the common reaction to the reveal of this test. The apprentices usually just stand there gawking, realizing why this is so dangerous. One wrong move and they could end up as abominations. He repressed a shudder, thinking about Lexi becoming one.

The First Enchanter and the Knight-Commander shared a curious, alarmed look, but the apprentice did not wait for them to react and just bravely approached the lyrium and took a deep breath.

“Easy-peasy. I’ve been dodging demons in the Fade since I was twelve,” he heard her mutter before she plunged her hand into the liquid and went boneless. He only barely managed to wake from his stupor in time to catch her falling body and place her gently to the floor.

“Maker’s breath,” he heard Greagoir. “Did you know about that?” he asked the First Enchanter, who seemed almost horrified as he looked at the peacefully slumbering apprentice. Cullen remained standing next to the pedestal to be the first to react if she so much as twitched wrong.

“Of course not!” he denied vehemently. “Maker. Greagoir, this means...”

“You kept putting her Harrowing off for no reason. She already passed the test when she was twelve, with none of us knowing. Unless...” He slowly turned his prodding gaze to Cullen. “Did you know about it?”

“No. I doubt she told anyone,” he answered truthfully.

Irving nodded as he began pacing. “It makes sense, when you think about it. Mages are told from a young age that we are constantly in danger of possession. Why would she admit that she had encountered them and handled them before? At that young age, she would have only been considered for the Rite of Tranquility instead of the Harrowing. Demons go after power more than anything on the world, and Lexana is the most powerful young mage we have. Her first spell was a barrier with no prior knowledge of them, and she created it remotely, to protect her brother, not herself. Even mages her current age struggle with those.” He sighed as he looked at Lexi once more. “That is why I wanted to wait for as long as I could. The older she got, her chances for a successful Harrowing grew. The most dangerous, the most powerful demons would go after her. I wanted her to be as ready as she could be. Losing such a young talent to a demon would be a tragedy.”

As if on cue, Lexi’s hands began twitching, as she unconsciously mimicked casting. It was normal, so Cullen was not alarmed. He simply said a silent prayer to the Maker, asking him to keep her safe. To help her succeed.

“She’s already fighting,” Greagoir commented. “It’s only been two minutes.”

“There won’t be only one demon,” Irving warned them, his expression grim. It worried Cullen. Just how much danger are they putting her through? What if... What if she failed? What if there ended up being so many demons against her, that she couldn’t complete it in time? He didn’t want to kill her just because she was delayed due to all those demons she needed to face! That wouldn’t have been right. It just wouldn’t.

Maker, he did not wish to kill her. How would he live with himself? How would he ever forgive himself?

Luckily, he wouldn’t need to find out, as not even ten minutes of anxious waiting later, she shot up, gasping, conscious enough to mutter “Stupid demons,” as she looked around before she keeled over once more, her eyes rolling back. He caught her in time to prevent her head from smashing against the hard floor, and he allowed himself to grin down at her sleeping visage, since no one could see his face from that angle.

She did it! Maker, she did it.

Cullen had never felt so relieved in his life.

First Enchanter Irving laughed out loud, also relieved, while Greagoir just let out an impressed scoff. “This might have been the quickest Harrowing I’d ever seen. You chose well, Irving. She’ll do fine out there.”

Cullen’s brows furrowed instantly as he looked up at the men. Out there? Was Lexi going somewhere?

They did not bother explaining it, though, and it was not his place to question them.

“Take her back to the apprentices’ quarters,” he was ordered. He did not dally and just carefully lifted her into his arms, heading downstairs.

The Tower was eerily quiet at that hour, with not many templars roaming the halls. Cullen held her close to himself, never wanting to let go. But he would need to, as soon as they arrived to her bedside. Before that, in the quiet stairway, he stopped for a few moments to make sure no one was around to witness him push a small kiss to the top of her head and hear him whisper to her, “I knew, that you would be fine,” knowing that she perceived none of that.

He wished she was conscious, so that they could talk. He missed her. He missed their talks, their time together. He could only hope, that she would have a few minutes for him once she woke.

Chapter Text

Lexi was barely awake when Jowan all but attacked her with question after question, hoping to get the secret of the Harrowing out of her. She knew the rules, so she managed to skirt around the answer, leaving her friend disappointed. What did he expect? The nature of the ritual was a guarded secret for a reason, and she had no intention to dig herself deep on her first day as a Harrowed mage by telling it to him.

Her friend was acting unusually shifty, even more so than during the last few weeks. He was a bit jittery as he explained that he wanted to meet her in the Chantry of all places after she had spoken with Irving, intending to introduce her to Lily. Something about needing her help. As always. Will they never stop using her? But maybe she was the idiot for ending up helping. She told her friend that she would be there. As per usual. Mostly because she wanted to finally meet this mysterious girl Jowan was so besotted with.

She smiled after him as he all but skipped away from her, happier than she had ever seen him. It gave her more than enough cause to worry, though. She wondered why he was so chipper so suddenly.

Lexi did not have time to idle. She supposed that First Enchanter Irving had a good reason to summon her to himself and she did not want to make him wait. She could have used some breakfast, though. But she would have time for that later.

As she was leaving, she overheard two apprentices speaking about Cullen praising her quickness in completing the ritual. She knew that she blushed as she hurried out of the quarters and yelped when she collided with a templar as soon as she turned towards her destination.

“I’m sorry!” she apologized, earning a chuckle.

“That takes me back to our first meeting,” Cullen mused as he gave her a gentle smile. 

She reflexively returned it as she stepped back. They were in the middle of the hallway, with many people around them. It would do them no good to be caught standing that close. The fact that they were speaking was already gossip-worthy.

“Yeah,” she agreed, letting out an awkward chuckle as she looked away from him.

“Uhm, I-I,” he stammered, likely also realizing the awkwardness of their situation. Their first conversation in two weeks, after the last ending in disaster. “I-I’m glad that you're okay," he confessed. “N-not that I thought that y-you would fail. N-no. J-just...uhm...” he trailed off, his wit just about leaving him. Maker, she still found him so adorable when he forgot how to form complete sentences around her. “I... I want to talk to you. About... about your birthday. I-I...”

That surprised her enough to just blink at him. “Did you volunteer to be the one to kill me if the ritual went wrong?” she blurted out the question that she ached to ask him, completely disregarding the fact, that she changed the topic so suddenly. She really needed to know his answer.

He gave her a horrified look. “No! Look, Lexi, I...”

Already placated by his honesty, she placed a hand on his forearm to stop him, and gave him a small smile. “Then we’ll talk later. Irving wants me to meet him.” He seemed almost relieved as she said this and only gave her a small nod. He probably needed time to gather his thoughts. “Usual place, usual time?”

“I’ll be there,” he agreed.

She was off as soon as he did, hurrying to the office she had known all too well by then. She wasn’t the first there, however, as the older mage was already having a conversation with Greagoir and another man that Lexi didn’t know. He wasn’t a templar, that was obvious, as his armor was different from the templar uniforms and his appearance was more rugged than a templar’s, with two swords secured tightly on his back.

She figured it was polite to knock instead of continuing to eavesdrop, so she raised her hand to knock on the doorframe when the stranger looked up at her, getting the attention of the others, as well. She dropped her hand as she was invited inside, the man’s curious eyes never leaving her, as if assessing her.

Lexi furrowed her brows as the templar stormed out, leaving her with the First Enchanter and the Grey Warden that introduced himself as Duncan. She did not need to introduce herself, though, since he already seemed to be quite familiar with who she was. That instantly alarmed her. Why was this man told about Lexi of all people? There had to have been a reason for Irving to choose her to show him to the guest quarters, but she decided against asking him. She didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

She used this opportunity to gain some insight on the legendary Wardens, striking up a conversation with Duncan as they walked. The man did not seem to mind her almost childish enthusiasm about the topic of the darkspawn and the upcoming war, the Blights, his order, everything her mind could come up with during their walk. She learnt much and she had plenty more questions for him, but she had a feeling that he had a long journey behind him, and he needed a rest more than being bothered by a young mage. He thanked her for the conversation, though, and that was a pleasant surprise to her. She was beginning to think herself bothersome with all these questions. Maybe not.

She wished him a pleasant day as she exited the guest quarters and headed to the chantry to speak with Jowan and his probably imaginary Lily.

Lexi couldn’t even remember the last time she set foot in that part of the Tower. For the young apprentices, attending sermons was mandatory, but they gained some freedom as they aged. Others continued attending, but she had much better ways to spend her time and had no need to listen to scriptures she knew already from front to back.

She grabbed some breakfast for herself at the kitchen, and ate it as she walked, accepting congratulations in passing from both the apprentices and the mages she came across. She didn’t rightly know what to do with the attention, so it was like a breath of fresh air when she entered the nearly empty Chantry. At least finding Jowan was easy. And surprise, surprise, he was not alone. His sweetheart seemed nice when they were introduced. Also devoted to the Chantry, since she happened to be an initiate. Which made what they were roping her into not only insane but against Lily’s own faith. Against everything she stood for.

Breaking into the repository, destroying Jowan’s phylactery so they could disappear without a trace… Why did this plan feel like they did not take it into consideration that there would be heavy repercussions if it was found out that Lexi helped them? Or that they obviously had wards on the repository, because, let’s be honest. If getting in there was as easy as melting the freaking lock or the door down, then someone would have already done it! Probably Anders, with how desperate he was to just get out already. Why did they not enlist him? Why was she supposed to risk her own neck for an absurd plan that had an insanely low chance of success? Right after her Harrowing! Why wait this long? Was it because if they failed and she got discovered with them, they would not turn her into a Tranquil, as performing the Rite on harrowed mages was forbidden? They could still kill her, though. Or lock her into solitary confinement. Or send her to prison for life.

Did they really think their idiotic plan was that foolproof?

She wondered what they would have done had she not decided to help them.

She didn’t want to betray her only friend, especially since Lily told her that she saw that they were planning on making him Tranquil, as Lexi herself had suspected. Then again, Lily may have lied to make her sympathetic to their cause. Who knew? If a Chantry sister was willing to go through all this trouble to escape a highly secure Tower of Magi for a man she had known for but a few months, then what was a little lie to make that easier?

Getting the rod of fire was a bit of a bother, but she managed to get the necessary permit from the First Enchanter. Only… there was this nagging feeling in the back of her head as she was leaving, that wouldn’t get out of her mind.

She was already at the door, when she made her mind up and whirled around. “Is it true, that Jowan is scheduled to be made Tranquil?” she asked Irving, who did not seem as startled by her question as she would have expected him to be. If anything, he was waiting for her to question him.

“It is,” he stated calmly as he placed his elbows on the top of his desk and intertwined his fingers underneath his jaw.

“Why? Give him some time! He’ll get better!”

He leveled her a look. “You do not actually believe that, do you, Lexana? He has been here for fifteen years yet barely improved at all. Some people are simply not meant to wield the magic they were born with. He is one of them.”

“But—” she prepared to argue, but one look from him was enough for her to snap her mouth closed and look away from him. That’s when she saw the pile of books on the other table. Was he researching something new?

She heard him sigh. “Books about blood magic. That is the other reason it has been decided. He is a blood mage.”

“What?! Jowan. A blood mage?” She barked out a laugh, hearing the joke of the century. But he wasn’t joking. “No. No, he wouldn’t. You are wrong. No,” she vehemently denied, earning a sympathetic look. “I would have noticed! No. No.”

“He was caught studying these tomes in secret multiple times. That is why I decided to remove every literature from the library that deals with blood magic. I feel I should have done that ages ago.”

She opened her mouth to protest once more, but her whirring thoughts caught up to her. The timing. It made sense. The reason they chose this day for their escape attempt. Because Jowan felt the proverbial noose tighten around his neck. She wondered if Lily knew. Or was she influenced?

Maker, had Jowan sunk that low? He wouldn’t. Right?

Then again, she was not the best judge of character, apparently.

She should have spent more time with him! Then, then maybe he wouldn’t have…

But he was the one that kept disappearing on her, she just didn’t mind much, because she had Cullen to keep her company. Occasionally Anders.

This was going to end in disaster one way or another.

Better to minimize the damage ahead of time, so she shut the door behind herself and walked to the chair in front of him. She sunk into it, ashamed and terrified and already feeling like a traitor for what she was about to do.

She took a deep breath. “Then I think it would be best if I told you what the Chantry Initiate Lily and Jowan are planning. The rod of fire is not for an experiment. It is to get into the repository, to get access to Jowan’s phylactery. They want me to help them, so that they could leave the tower and live in peace.”

“Hmm. Yes, that could work,” he mused, not at all upset with her. Oddly. “You should keep helping them. I will handle everything else,” he cryptically told her.

She hated herself at that moment with a passion, but it was out and all she could hope for was forgiveness. Still, it was better to lose a friend that might not have even been a friend anymore – who knew with blood mages? – than piss off the entire Circle. Maybe it could even end well. Maybe they will be too weak to get into the repository and just turn back as if they never even attempted it.

“Do not blame yourself,” she heard him speak as her thoughts kept racing in her troubled mind. “You did the right thing.”

“Logically speaking, I know. Their plan was doomed from the start. But Jowan has been my only friend for a decade. I wasn’t supposed to betray him like this,” she complained as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Or at all, for that matter.”

“He is a dangerous maleficar, Lexana. You cannot ignore that.”

“I know,” she repeated herself sullenly as she stood and pulled herself together. “I assume you will know when we get inside.”

“Naturally,” he agreed, getting a nod from her before she walked out with her purpose clear, heading back to Owain to get the rod of fire, then moving to the Chantry.

She needed to walk past Cullen on her way there, so she stopped for a few seconds, hesitating, and turned to him. “I am about to do something extremely stupid and reckless. Wish me luck?” she asked him, to his greatest confusion.

“Should I be concerned?” he asked back, his worry already audible.

“Honestly? Probably.”

“Then let me help,” he offered without a second thought, and what was that if not dedication. Maker, she wanted to kiss him again. And again, and again. How could a man so great end up as a templar of all things?

“Maker, no! I am not willing to get you into trouble over this. Wishing me luck is enough.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “You do realize, that I’m not going to let go of you until you tell me what you are planning, right?”

She smirked at him. “You are not even holding me, so you can do nothing but let me go freely,” she pointed it out as she stepped out of his reach when he moved. He was quicker than her, though, and his gauntleted fingers closed around her wrist before she could have gone far.

“Now tell me about this reckless plan of yours,” he all but demanded, almost looking smug. It was an expression she had not seen on him before, one that made her laugh a little.

“No,” was her simple answer as she tugged on her arm. If anything, his grip tightened.

“Lexi,” he warned her, his face unusually serious.

“It will be alright, I assure you,” she tried to convince him, but even to her own ears, she did not sound convincing. Not at all. It only made him even more concerned, she could tell, but he abruptly let go of her when he heard a group of apprentices whispering giddily in his line of sight. The two of them were the topic, Lexi could tell by how the group were stealing glances at them, and Cullen was already beet red the next time she looked back at him. “Wish me luck?” she repeated herself.

He huffed out a breath, giving her a stern look. “Good luck,” he reluctantly told her.

“Thank you. Now, was that so hard?” she asked him, fighting a grin. She did not see him roll his eyes and shake his head, as she was already off, heading towards her original destination.

The Tranquil Owain got her the rod without any more fuss, so getting back to the lovebirds was the only thing left for her to do. She did her best to look normal, to avoid letting her guilt show, as they went over the plan one more time.

Then it was on.

Getting to the basement was easy. No guards were at the entrance, but once they entered, the security got activated and the sentinels woke to stop them from advancing further into the depths of the area. They were not deterred, however, with even Lily brandishing a weapon or two. Not exactly the attitude of a typical Chantry initiate, attacking the sentinels so feverishly.

Lexi kept a close eye on Jowan, but he used no blood magic, only the weakest elemental spells and some entropic. She did the most damage and kept their group up to health when any of them received cuts or bruises. She could only hope, that they were not doing too much irreparable or lasting damage to the Circle’s assets.

It was a cold and gloomy place and Lexi could not fathom how Anders survived a whole year in solitary confinement in one of the cells they passed. She desperately hoped, that she would not find herself in one of those anytime soon, but knowing her luck... Maker, she never should have agreed to this. They wouldn’t have stood a chance without her and perhaps that would have been better for everyone involved.

This was a mistake. Large, red, written in all capital letters mistake. They were so screwed.

She could feel more and more anxious as they overcame one obstacle after another, the last being a wall. That they wanted her to explode. As they tried to figure it out, she took a look around the chamber. It was filled with historical artifacts of different ages, and she wondered why those were not displayed somewhere else in the Tower. Only some gave off mild magical aura, with the most prominent being a Tevinter statue. It talked.

Was Lexi going insane, talking to a statue? It told her nothing of substance, and only served as a distraction, as a way to stall them. The others urged her to stop speaking with it, for they had more important things to do, but they were not aware of the ongoing war inside her head and heart. Hopefully, the fact that she had informed First Enchanter Irving about this would lessen their punishment. Hopefully.

The wall of the repository exploded all but a minute after she stopped conversing with the statue, since figuring out how to amplify the rod of fire’s power was not exactly hard. Once the dust settled, they entered the even colder phylactery chamber and, after fighting off several more sentinels, found the vial they were looking for.

Lexi tried hard to ignore her instincts that wanted to stop Jowan, to grab his phylactery and run back upstairs with it intact, knowing that they could do nothing against her. Instead, she gripped her staff with an iron grip to restrain herself and looked with utter horror at Jowan’s borderline psychotic expression once the vial broke. Maker, what had she done?

Lily saw nothing of this; saw no change in her lover’s expression. There was only relief on her pleasant face. Was she already under his thrall? Was she always?

Oh, Maker...

They did not remain in the phylactery chamber for much longer and just exited through the nearby door. Lexi’s palms were sweating by the time they reached the ground floor, and with it, the waiting First Enchanter and templars. She exhaled a breath she did not know she was holding in, and dared not look at Jowan.

“You betrayed me?” he turned to her once they were confronted, clearly hurt by what she did.

She took a deep breath. “No, Jowan. You betrayed yourself,” she spat, her voice wavering. “This half-cooked plan of yours was doomed to fail the moment you thought it up.”

“It only failed because you told them about it!” he protested.

“Think for one second, for crying out loud! They would have been alerted and were alerted to our presence the moment we entered! The sentinels serve as alarms, that we activated and battled all throughout the basement! But neither of you even thought about the possibility of the place being warded against intruders!”

“Well, you clearly did,” he spat at her equally as upset as he crossed his arms above his chest. “Not that it matters now. I can’t believe, that after all these years, you sold me out like this. Did you even care about me at all?”

“Oh, that’s rich, coming from you. Did you care? Did it even occur to you for one second, what would happen to me should your plan work? Neither of you would have been here to face the repercussions of your own selfish actions!”

She tensed when the templars moved to apprehend them, and she wasn’t going to fight them should they wish to take her, too. Jowan, on the other hand, panicked and slammed one of Lily’s weapons into his own palm in his desperation, confirming his nature for everyone. Up until that point, Lexi held out hope, that Irving was wrong, but to have it confirmed was like shoving a dagger deep into her gut and twisting it just to have it hurt more.

The magic Jowan released swept all of them off their feet, even his precious Lily, who was horrified at the notion of having been involved with a blood mage of all people. Lexi slammed against the stone wall with enough force to rattle her bones and she saw double of everything for a few seconds. She only saw a blur of movement as Jowan made his swift exit, leaving them all behind. She tried to throw a spell at him to prevent him from leaving, but her aim was way off.

She groaned as she sunk to the floor, disoriented and hurt, but she pulled herself together quickly, hearing the pained grunts of others, and while still wobbling on her feet, she hurried to the aid of the First Enchanter.

It didn’t seem to matter to the Knight-Commander that Irving had been informed of this, since he was giving her a disgusted and she dared think, disappointed look before he looked at the stunned initiate. Lily took her sentence in stride, understanding the consequences of their actions, especially since she made her actions on her own volition. A dangerous blood mage was on the loose because of them, with no way to track him. Luckily, he wasn’t competent enough to get far. At least, that’s what Lexi believed. How would he even get to shore? He certainly didn’t know how to row a boat and she doubted he had the physique to swim across…

Then Greagoir was turning towards her, presumably to sentence her, when Duncan joined them, having overheard the commotion, but giving them the space they needed.

“Lexana is no longer yours to punish, Knight-Commander,” he began. Lexi looked at him with large eyes, having an idea about where this was going. “I came here to recruit to the Wardens and you both recommended her when I showed up. She shall be joining the order at Ostagar, with the rest of the new recruits.” She was sure, that she paled. S-she was going to... She was leaving? T-that... “Gather your belongings and meet me here as soon as you can. We have quite the journey ahead of us,” he addressed her, but for a few seconds, it did not even register. So, he walked up to her, placed a large hand on her shoulder, and gave her a stern, yet still gentle look. “Gather your belongings,” he repeated himself.

She took a deep breath and nodded, and without looking at anyone else, left them, hurrying to the apprentices’ quarters. She didn’t even have time to move up to the mages’ quarters!

Cullen was still standing at the furthest entrance, so she entered through the closest. She needed those few minutes to process what was happening to her. She needed to pull herself together and quickly. The Warden was waiting for her.

She packed everything she owned into a backpack, slinging that over her shoulders, and took a deep breath to calm herself before she exited the room next to Cullen. He seemed surprised to see her; seemed even more surprised, when he saw the condition she was in. With her robe torn, slightly bloody, and her hair a mess.

“What happened to you?” he asked her, his worry evident.

“You’ll hear in no time, I’m sure,” she told him, her voice wavering. She fiddled with the strap of her backpack, unintentionally guiding his gaze there.

“Are you finally moving up to the mages’ quarters?” he asked her with a small smile on his face. When she continued giving him a sorrowful look, his smile faded.

She couldn’t stop the tears from swimming in her vision, so she blinked rapidly. “I’m leaving the Tower. To become a Grey Warden,” she informed him. She could not handle the pain she saw on his face, so she averted her eyes. “I’m going to war, Cullen. To fight darkspawn. I’m terrified,” she admitted, then sniffled. “I know nothing about war! About battles! How am I supposed to...to survive all that? I’ve lived in this tower my whole life!”

She was close to losing it, to breaking down into a sobbing mess, but his arms were around her in no time, holding her against himself for comfort, as he had done before. Her tears fell as her arms returned the embrace, and she didn’t give a crap about the onlookers. Not anymore. She was leaving and never coming back. Chances were, she was walking into her death.

She pushed herself away after a minute or so, sniffling and not yet ready to go, but Duncan was waiting for her, so she had to move.

“I’ll miss you,” she confessed as she slowly raised a hand to cup his stubbled jaw. One last time. Then she was kissing him, for she would never get to do so again. He didn’t run from her this time, returning the kiss motion for motion, then leant his forehead against hers when she pulled back a bit. His hands remained at her hips, holding her in place.

“And I will miss you. I will not see you again, will I?”

“I don’t think so, no. Being a Warden is for life. I will not return to the Circle even if I survive the battle against the darkspawn.”

“You will survive.” The conviction in his voice nearly convinced her.

“I hope so. I can finally see the world. It would be a shame to only make it to a boring ruin of all places,” she commented, earning a chuckle from him as he pulled back, his face flushed and his brown eyes slightly reddened. She carefully committed his features to memory and gave him one last smile. “Goodbye, Ser Cullen Rutherford.”

He returned the smile as he let his hands fall away from her. “Goodbye, Warden Lexana Amell. May the Maker watch over you,” he told her, and she turned, ignoring the curious looks people regarded her with.

The leaders of the Tower remained with Duncan as they waited. If they saw the signs of crying on her, they did not show. It was Irving that approached her like a proud father, giving her an easy smile.

“You will do well out there. It’s where you belong. You would have only suffocated in the tower with time had you remained,” he told her, and it was supposed to be comforting, she knew, but she only felt like they wanted to be rid of her.

“You are sending me to war. How can I be ready for that?” she asked him, not even thinking about returning the smile. It did not seem to bother him.

“You are. I made sure,” he insisted.

“Oh, in these last two weeks, you mean?”

“More like your whole life. True, I did not take personal interest in you because I suspected there would be a Blight any time soon, but I did train you to be able to protect others, teach them, and follow, but question orders if needed. Or give them. Did you never wonder why you were allowed to teach the other apprentices even though you were only an apprentice, too? Or did you think I wasn’t aware?”

“I thought that you let it happen because it made the work of the other mages much easier if their students were already somewhat informed about the subject.”

“It made it harder, actually,” he admitted. “You are more patient, than most and that makes the apprentices prefer your teaching style. You are a perfect candidate for the Wardens. I stand by my decision. You’ll make Kinloch Hold proud. I know it.”

“Thank you, First Enchanter.”

He gave her a slow nod. “Good luck out there, Lexana.”

“Maker watch over you, Amell,” the Knight-Commander Greagoir joined their goodbyes.

She nodded at them, trying to project the confidence she didn’t have, then turned to the Grey Warden, took a deep breath, and said, “I’m ready.”

Chapter Text

Lexi did her best not to start crying again after Duncan helped her into the rowboat. Her life had but one constant. The Tower.

She thought it would always be there; that she would remain a part of it. Die there of old age, maybe as a First Enchanter. Instead, she was leaving it all behind two weeks after she had turned eighteen. To go to war against an enemy she barely knew anything about.

The only thing that made her relieved was that not many people would miss her. Cullen would probably be the only one. Cullen… Maker, her heart ached thinking about him as she stared at the tower she was leaving behind. Why did it hurt so much? Like…like someone shoved their hand into her chest and kept squeezing her heart with all their might.

“First love?” Duncan asked her as he saw her expression.

He instantly had her attention. “W-what? N-no. I’m… I’m not in love with…” she trailed off, furrowing her brows. “Am I? Is this why leaving hurts so much? It shouldn’t, because I hate the tower, but… the thought of leaving him, though…” She made an aggravated sound as she lifted her gaze upon the bright sky, staring at the clouds. “Of course, I would figure it out while leaving,” she chided herself. Up until that moment, she only believed it to be a crush, nothing more. Apparently not. It wasn’t something she wished to keep thinking about, so she swiftly changed the subject. “Why did you come here to recruit a mage to the Wardens?” she asked him, keeping her gaze skyward.

He knew exactly what she was doing, but decided not to comment on her brisk change of topic. “Because we will need all the power we can get if I am right, and this is indeed a Blight. There are but a few mages in the order, but they are our most powerful assets because of the versatility of their powers. When I came to the Tower a few weeks ago, I requested a candidate, hoping for someone a little more experienced, if I must be honest with you. But Irving wouldn’t hear of it. He insisted I stop by on my way back from Orzammar and conscript you. I thought you knew when you showed up to his office earlier today, but it didn’t take me long to realize, that they kept you in the dark.”

She scoffed as she looked back at him again. “You returned just in time. I was only an apprentice yesterday. I passed my Harrowing during the night, finally earning the title of a full-fledged mage. I didn’t even have time to change out of my apprentice robes!” she remarked, gesturing to the robe she was wearing. She packed the other into her bag, along with a few spares that waited for her on her bed. The wooden sword was packed tightly between them.

That earned her a curious look. “You did develop magic at a very young age, if Irving told it true.”

“He did. I was five when I got here. Youngest of my siblings, all of them taken to different Circles across Thedas.”

“Yes, the Amells always had plenty of magical talent,” he mused, earning her curiosity.

“The Amells? You speak as if my family was a prominent family somewhere.”

“They are. One of the leading noble families of Kirkwall. That is where you are from, is it not?”

She shook her head. “No. I was taken from a small village. But… I might have passed through Kirkwall on my way here? I’m not entirely certain. It was a long time ago,” she added, wondering if she was indeed from a noble family. Perhaps she had relatives in Kirkwall that she could find once the Blight is over… Maker, she could actually find her siblings! She could visit from Circle to Circle under the guise of Warden business or research of some sort and maybe meet them!

That definitely makes joining the Wardens worth it. Just the possibility of a meeting was more hope than she ever had. She finally had the freedom she always desired.

“I must ask. What do Grey Wardens do when there is no Blight? Are they allowed to travel for research or other reasons? Would they not mistake me for an apostate if I wanted to visit other Circles for one reason or another?”

“There are always darkspawn to fight,” he answered rather grimly. “A Warden can never rest. But I would not travel alone if I were you. You are right to be worried about such a thing. The chance that someone would mistake you for an apostate is high, even if you get the official Grey Warden armor set after your Joining, so I would not recommend heading out on your own once the Blight had been dealt with. I’m certain, that some of the others would be more than willing to accompany you should you ask.”

That was another interesting point. “Are there many new recruits waiting at Ostagar?”

“Five. We will be picking up two more in the inn by the docks, so there will be eight of you once we arrive. I can only hope the Joining will go off without a hitch and that number will bolster our ranks.”

“That is not a high number,” she pointed out, disheartened. Duncan frowned at her. She might have just touched on a sensitive topic. “I don’t like our odds.”

He sighed. “No one does. But Fereldan people had no love for Orlesians, not caring if they are Wardens or not, and even if we got word to them, it might already be too late.”

Well, it was good to know that she had even lower chances of survival than she had initially predicted. She already had half a mind to jump into the water and waddle her way back to the tower, even accepting solitary confinement as punishment for her most recent transgressions. But she wouldn’t do that. She was likely the only mage amongst the new recruits and Duncan said, that mages were needed. How could she abandon them? She might not have much experience with fighting, but she was powerful. It more than made up for her lack of experience. She hoped, at least.

“What can you tell me about the other recruits?” she asked after a few minutes of silence, trying to focus on something other than her roiling stomach. She seemed to have some problem with boats. “Should I expect them to hate me for being a mage?”

He thought about the answer for a few seconds. “Hmm. No, I do not think so. The two elves are distrustful of humans, though, so you’ll need to be patient with them.”

“And the others? What are they like?” she kept interrogating him, for lack of better things to do as she clutched her stomach and tried not to throw up.

He didn’t seem to mind her curiosity, his lips pulling into a lopsided smile behind his beard. “Even I barely know them yet, having only spent but a few weeks travelling with the other half to Ostagar. I have been on the move for a while now, as the armies slowly gather at the ancient ruins. I can only hope, that we will not be late.”

“I didn’t realize, that time was so scarce. Are you the only warden in Ferelden?”

“No, but as the Warden-Commander of Ferelden’s Wardens, I must be the one to do it.”

“Oh, I see. And are there many Wardens? Other than the new recruits, I mean.”

“Not that many, unfortunately. We can never have enough Wardens, especially during a Blight. But you need not worry about that. With the king’s armies, we will win.” Lexi noticed, that he did not sound as convincing as he probably wanted to.

“If we don’t?” she dared ask, and one look from the man was enough for her to realize, that it would be disastrous.

“The darkspawn would slowly take over Ferelden, then Orlais, and the rest of Thedas unless a bigger army rises to the challenge and defeats them. The biggest problem would be the Archdemon, that can only be defeated by a Grey Warden. That is why we are needed so much. Without one of us to strike the killing blow, the darkspawn would be unstoppable,” he gave her the grim news. She had a feeling, that she would not be sleeping well anytime soon. Or maybe ever.

This was not exactly how she pictured her life going. Still beats being imprisoned in Kinloch Hold, though. If she were to die, at least she would do so while free of the shackles the Chantry chained her with when she was five.

They pulled into the small pier within the next few minutes, with Duncan letting her digest the new information he imparted with. His help was needed for getting out; Lexi was feeling mildly uncomfortable standing by herself on a wobbling boat. She was unsteady on her feet, terrified of embarrassing herself by falling face-first into the lake. The last thing she wanted was for Duncan to have second thoughts about recruiting her. Not when she was finally coming to terms with this brand-new life of hers.

She could only hope, that it will not end tragically at Ostagar.

“Come, the dwarves are waiting for us in the inn,” the Grey Warden told her after he helped her out of the boat.

She was thankful for the fact, that he was already walking away from her, so he could not see her waver on her legs, trying to keep the contents of her stomach inside her body. She needed a few moments to adjust to being on solid ground again. She did start jogging after him soon enough, when she was certain she wouldn’t be throwing up, eagerly anticipating these dwarf companions she would be meeting.

The tavern was small and nearly empty, with some people loitering around, the barkeep behind the counter and two dwarves being in an arm-wrestling contest. The also dwarf maid was seemingly rooting for the woman, cheering every time her hand moved to push the man’s down. She ended up losing, though, and that made the bearded dwarf bark out a laugh as he pushed a tankard full of something in front of her.

“Drink up, Brosca,” he told the woman, who seemed irritated as she tucked her red hair behind her ear, then chugged down the contents of that tankard in what must have been record time. Lexi knew that she would have choked already if she had to do that.

Brosca slammed the flagon onto the table once she was done. “Another!” she demanded ever so boisterously, readying her arm once more.

“Not today, I’m afraid,” Duncan interrupted them.

“Ah, Duncan. We were beginning to think the mages were keeping you prisoner,” the man commented as he not so subtly looked Lexi up and down.

“Or you fell into the sky,” the woman murmured. Lexi looked questions at her. How could someone fall into the sky? That didn’t make any sense.

“Neither of those, I’m afraid,” the Warden reacted as he followed their line of sight to her.

“So, we ready to get going, then?” the woman asked, not bothering with polite introductions, it seemed.

The dwarf man just rolled his eyes as he stood and approached Lexi, holding his hand for a handshake. He was a stocky man, as was usual for dwarves, well-built and sporting an impressive blond beard that was braided several times. His also blond hair was cropped short, neatly. She had never seen a dwarf in person before, so she could not even guess his age even if she wanted to. But there were no wrinkles on his face and his dark eyes were full of life. He might have been but a few years older than Lexi herself.

“Duran Aeducan. Pleasure to meet you,” he introduced himself as Lexi took his hand, then gestured to the woman with his other hand. His name sounded familiar to her, but it had been a while since she had to study Orzammar’s history. “And that is Natia Brosca.”

Lexi looked closer at the woman. Her red hair was unevenly cut, not reaching her shoulders, and she seemed to be close to Duran in age. One drastic difference between the two of them was the marking on her cheek, that marked her as one of the Casteless of Orzammar. She tried hard to recall what she had read about the outcasts of the dwarves and what she was seeing. Natia did not at all look like she belonged in the gutter. If it were not for the facial marking, Lexi would not have even been able to tell, that they were of different castes. It was just so alien to her.

“Nice to meet you both. I’m Lexi,” she completed the introductions. She still didn’t like her full name, so she did not bother telling them. Luckily, Duncan did not see fit to correct her.

“Let us head out, then,” the Warden told them. It was what the dwarves needed to pick their backpacks up, all ready to leave Lake Calenhad behind.

Their journey to Ostagar took weeks. It was as fascinating as it was hellish for Lexi. She was used to there being a ceiling above her head and sleeping underneath the stars was rough whenever they made camp. It was no better for her traveling companions, whom she repeatedly heard mutter about falling off the ground. After a week, she caved in and asked them to explain why such an obnoxious idea made them terrified. Turned out, they had never been to the surface before leaving Orzammar, only knowing one sky that was unchanging, made of sturdy rock. That made their grievances somewhat similar, giving them some common ground to stand on.

She had many questions for them, and she was not afraid to ask, to Natia’s constant grumbling. But she, while not as forthcoming as Duran, answered all of Lexi’s questions, even about the Casteless, when she dared ask. She even seemed surprised, that Lexi knew what the marking on her face meant.

The most interesting thing about the dwarves was the clear difference between the two of them; not just in caste, but also in personality. Natia was the one eager to fight, but her bubbly personality came to the forefront after a week, as she began feeling more comfortable around her traveling companions. Unlike her, Duran was more diplomatic in nature, thanks to his upbringing. He told her without prompting that he was a prince before his own brother betrayed him and their eldest brother, resulting in the death of the latter.

In turn, Lexi told them how she got conscripted into the Wardens, earning an earful from Natia for betraying Jowan. The woman quickly changed her opinion, though, when Lexi explained to her what a blood mage actually was. As dwarves, they were innately magicless and completely cut off from the Fade, so she didn’t go terribly into details about it, but enough to help them understand what made her former friend so dangerous. It was at that point, that Duncan reminded her, that regardless of her actions, she would have been conscripted into the Wardens anyways. She kept forgetting about that, to be frank.

Despite the pleasant company, their journey could not be concluded fast enough. Her feet hurt, she was constantly cold, had come to despise rain, and if she never had to walk again for such a distance, then she would die in the upcoming battle a happy woman. Even Duncan seemed relieved when he spotted the decaying walls of the once-great fortress. It was an impressive sight, destroyed or not, with the military encampment spreading as far as her eyes could see. The people practicing between the tents seemed like ants from that distance, but that slowly changed the closer they walked.

They had been eagerly awaited, or at least Duncan was, as King Cailan was the first person they came across. For a moment or two, she didn’t even know how to speak. Was she supposed to bow? Shake his hand? Kneel?

No one had taught her anything concerning manners when it came to greeting the King of Ferelden!

In the end, she politely introduced herself when prompted, bowing her head as a sign of respect, following the lead of the dwarves. Duran was a prince. He must have known how to greet a king, then.

In any case, the king did not seem offended by their way of introduction and moved on quickly, all but forgetting about them, to speak strategy with Duncan. The Grey Warden almost seemed annoyed as he listened to Cailan talk about their glorious victory that he was sure would happen soon enough. Lexi wished she shared this optimism, but the more she looked around, the less confident she was. There were thousands upon thousands already in the encampment, but that did not lessen the fear gnawing at her insides. If anything, she was more anxious about this battle than the day she was conscripted. Back then, it seemed so unreal, but right there, at the entrance of the ruins, she was forced to realize, that indeed, she was not imagining the past few weeks.

She was going to be fighting darkspawn soon. Within a few days, if the scouts estimated the horde’s proximity to their camp well enough. Maker, that was so soon...

“I need to deal with a few matters. You should look for a fellow Warden named Alistair and gather the rest of the recruits at the largest bonfire of the encampment. We must commence with the Joining immediately,” Duncan told them and hurried off with the king. Without giving them a description of this Alistair.

“Well, how are we supposed to find the guy?” Natia asked out loud what Lexi was thinking, sounding as exasperated as she felt.

“We split up and ask around the camp. We’ll have to familiarize ourselves with the place, anyways,” Duran came up with the solution.

“See you at the bonfire, then,” Lexi agreed as they split, each heading into a different direction.

Chapter Text

Her legs took her towards a makeshift infirmary, that was nearly full of the wounded, so she took a few minutes of her time to help out, casting a few small healing spells to make the job of the healers at least a little bit easier. She did not forget about her task, though, so she was off soon enough, looking for anyone with the Grey Warden insignia on their chest. She soon found a young man in the middle of an argument with Tobias, a Circle mage of all people.

Since she never liked that particular mage, she wasn’t afraid to intrude on their conversation. Tobias had already puffed his chest up in indignation, because how dare she walk up to them, when he recognized her.

“How did you leave the Tower?” he asked her in his usual unkind manner, earning a raised eyebrow from her.

“I took a boat, like everyone else,” was her deadpan answer, that earned her a smirk from the blond man.

“You are only an apprentice! Did you finally join Anders and escaped? Is he near?”

“Yes, of course, if we escaped from the Tower, our first stop would be a ruined fortress that was to be overrun by darkspawn instead of a... a tropical beach. Or anywhere else.” That made the mage narrow his eyes at her. “Besides, I’m a harrowed mage now, the same as you. And unlike you, Tobias, I’m not going back to the Tower once the battle is over. I’m here to join the Wardens,” she added, as she glanced at the young man, whose entire face lit up when she mentioned his order.

The mage scoffed. “Well, good riddance. Maybe now Irving will spend more time teaching apprentices that are actually worth something,” he threw at her.

She couldn’t even find the words to counter his insult before he cast another resentful glare at the Warden and turned to walk off. She continued stewing in place for a few seconds, her mouth partially hanging open, then cast an ever so subtle and overt spell to turn the snow into slippery ice right as he started heading down the slope to the other side of the camp, causing him to slip and fall on his butt with an undignified cry, sliding down the slope, out of their view. She did not manage to hide her chuckle before she turned back to the Warden, who was all but laughing at the misfortune of the mage.

“You saw nothing,” she warned him.

“Oh, I saw it, alright,” he countered her, grinning from ear to ear. Oddly, his face reminded her of King Cailan. He was younger, but had the same facial structure and matching coloring. Were they related? “Saw him get some justice. Did not see you involved, though,” he added.

“Good,” she told him, smiling a little before she cleared her throat. “So, Duncan told me and the other two recruits to look for an Alistair, but forgot to give us a description. You are the first person I come across with the Grey Warden insignia on your armor, so I presume you are of the order and can help. Can you?”

“Sure. I can point you to the man you want,” he reacted and pointed a finger at himself, giving her a goofy grin. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Nice to meet you.”

“You as well, Alistair. I’m Lexi.”

He clapped his hands together as he bounced on his feet, almost excited at the prospect of meeting the new recruits. “So, you found me. What happens now?”

“Now we are to meet the others at the bonfire,” she told him as she turned around, trying her best to hide her smile, as she saw two soldiers in the middle of trying to help Tobias stand up and stay on his feet.

Alistair walked next to her, noticing that she was busy looking around the encampment, learning the layout as best she could, so he stayed silent. Lexi grinned and waved at Senior Enchanter Wynne when she spotted her and without waiting for the Warden, she steered towards the older mage. She could already see the people gathering around the fire, deep in conversation, so she did not want to engage in a long discussion, merely to greet her.

“Oh, my,” was Wynne’s reaction to her presence. She seemed stunned for but a moment, before a motherly smile appeared on her face. “Passed your Harrowing, I see. Irving was worried for no reason, it seems. Are you joining the Wardens?”

“Yes, I was conscripted.”

Wynne just nodded solemnly. “You are an excellent choice. Irving had been preparing you for it your entire life,” she said what the First Enchanter had already told her.

Lexi scoffed. “I thought he was preparing me to one day take over the Circle.”

“That was his ultimate goal, yes. But you will do better amongst the Grey Wardens. It is an honor to be chosen,” the elderly mage told her, but she wasn’t feeling any honor yet.

“We’ll see about that, I suppose,” she reacted as she shot a glance at the rest of the wardens. A part of her dreaded this meeting, but it needed to happen. She could not dally any longer. “I have to go, Senior Enchanter Wynne. The others are waiting.”

“Yes, I suppose you should be joining them soon. Well, don’t let me keep you, then.”

She sent another smile to the older woman before gathering her wits and courage and continuing her approach to the rest of the recruits. The dwarves were amongst them, already in conversation with the rest, and both smiled at her when they noticed her getting near.

“Found him, then,” Natia spoke up as Lexi stopped next to her.

“Well, one of us had to, since the two of you decided to wait here, apparently,” she retorted, placing her hands on her hips.

“You were at the infirmary when I wandered over there,” the dwarf pointed it out, and she just shrugged.

“They needed help.”

“Are you a healer?” the elf man asked her. By the tone of his voice, she instantly gathered, that he needed help, but looking at him, she saw no injuries whatsoever. She did get a good look at him, though. His face was long, angular, with brown eyes sitting in the sockets. His hair was almost the same shade, braided at the back of his head to keep it out of his eyes. He had a bow and a quiver full of arrows secured to his back.

“Somewhat. Not my specialty, but I can heal if needed,” she kindly answered as she looked at the rest of the recruits.

There was another elf, a Dalish woman, judging by the markings on her face. She did look a little sick, but Lexi could only see the sneer on her beautiful features, reminding her of Neria. How two people that had never met could give her the exact same look full of resentment, she didn’t know. Especially since even Lexi and she just barely met.

She felt like her very being was judged by the way the woman’s green eyes sized her up. Lexi did the same in return, wondering why she would bother wearing any armor if she left her midriff completely bare. That was impractical and foolish, but Lexi kept her mouth shut about her opinion on the matter, because she knew it wasn’t wanted or needed. She did not want her fellow recruit to shoot her with one of the arrows she was in the process of fiddling with. Probably as a warning.

Lexi did not care, though, and looked at the man standing next to her. He looked like a thug upon first glance, with two swords on his back and his armor non-descriptive leather and well-worn. She did not like the smirk he was eyeing her with, so she moved on to the next person.

He was a tall, young man and had the same air around him that Duran did. His posture was perfect even as he continued petting the large mabari sitting obediently at his feet, which signaled to Lexi, that he was of noble birth. Not that it mattered in the Wardens. He was handsome, with slight stubble covering his cheeks in the same brown color that was his hair. His eyes seemed to be grey, but Lexi was too far to tell exactly.

The last person was armed and armored like a typical knight, sword and shield on his back. He looked a little anxious to be there, and Lexi could sympathize. His brown eyes jumped from person to person as he lifted his weight from one foot to the other, eager to just get this Joining over with. But to be frank, they were all a little impatient.

“That’s great. You’ll get to use your magic plenty of times, I bet,” the elven man pulled her back into the conversation they began.

She smiled at him. He seemed to be friendly so far, contrary to what Duncan told her before. “That’s the only way I know how to fight, so it is more than likely,” she admitted, shrugging her shoulders. “I’m Lexi, by the way,” she quickly introduced herself.

“Darrian Tabris,” the man joined and elbowed the even woman in the side to prompt her to speak.

“Lyna,” she told her reluctantly. Her voice was rougher than Lexi would have expected.

“Hello, I’m Daveth,” the roguish man took over soon enough with a wave of his hand.

“Aedan Cousland. And this is Rabbit,” the man with the mabari introduced them both. She grinned at the war dog, that had his mouth open as he looked at her with interest, his tongue lolling out his mouth and his tail excitedly wiggling left and right.

“And I am Ser Jory, knight of Highever.” Lexi noticed Aedan flinch at the mention of it, and she wondered why. She did remember her studies about the noble houses of Ferelden, and she was certain, that the Couslands were mentioned, with their home being Highever itself. It explained the high-quality armor and greatsword and the confidence he exuded.

“Oh, I’m Duran Aeducan,” the dwarf man suddenly joined with the introductions, to Lexi’s greatest confusion. Then she realized, that Alistair was still standing right next to her, with his eyes probably on the dwarves. He had not met them yet.

“Natia,” Brosca finished the introductions, coming full circle. “Now we just need to sit around the bonfire and share some embarrassing stories from our childhood.”

Lexi snorted. “No one is going to top your story, I assure you,” she reacted, earning a grin from the woman.

“Wanna bet? This is a colorful bunch.”

“No, thank you. I’m not a lucky person and would lose in a second. I’d rather keep what small amount of possessions I have,” she declined the offer, letting out a small chuckle.

The dwarf shrugged. “Your loss.”

“Not really. She cannot lose anything if there is no wager in the first place,” Aedan pointed it out when Lexi was about to. She nodded at him in agreement.

“This is nice and all, but where the hell is Duncan? We should be Joining already,” Lyna complained to stop the idle chitchat. She wasn’t wrong, though.

“He was swarmed by the king as soon as we arrived,” Duran answered her, then smiled at someone past her. “Ah, but here he comes,” he added as he spotted the man in question.

They all turned towards the Warden-Commander, waiting for his arrival.

“Before we could commence with the Joining, you are to enter the Korcari Wilds and retrieve eight vials of darkspawn blood,” he began as soon as he joined them, handing them each a small vial. “Also, I hope that we will not end up needing them, but there is rumored to be an ancient Grey Warden ruin nearby, where you could find the treaties that would let us gather allies from the Dalish, the Magi and the dwarves, as well. You need to get out there and retrieve these treaties.”

“Any directions? The Wilds are a vast area, and we don’t exactly have limited time, with the darkspawn already attacking near our camp,” Aedan spoke up.

“You’ll notice the ruins. It is not that far from Ostagar,” the Warden insisted, earning a frown from many of them. It certainly did not bolster their confidence. “Get going, we have no time to lose.”

“Should we split up? One half of our group looks for the treaties and the other for the blood?” Aedan suggested.

“No, we should stick together in the Wilds. Dangerous place,” Ser Jory rebuked him almost immediately.

“We are also dangerous,” Lyna pointed it out.

“We would be more effective as one group, though,” Lexi added her own opinion. “Let’s put it to vote?” They all nodded. “Okay. In favor of splitting up, raise a hand.”

Aedan, Lyna and Natia were the only ones that preferred that method, so they were quickly overruled by sheer numbers.

“Well, then. That is decided,” Duncan commented. “Alistair, as the senior warden, you are in charge.”

“Me?!” Duncan was asked, almost indignantly.

“Wonderful,” Lexi heard Lyna mutter under her breath. She had a feeling that her fellow recruit had no love for Alistair.

“Yes, you. Find me when you return,” Duncan insisted, and without waiting for any more protests, walked off to get other issues in order.

“You know, we’ve been here for weeks. We could have easily gathered all of those when Duncan was gone to recruit the mage and the dwarves,” Darrian pointed it out. He wasn’t wrong, though.

“He did not think we would be needing those treaties,” Alistair informed them. “I wonder what changed,” he mused as he looked at the back of the Warden-Commander with a pondering look on his face. Then he was abruptly turning back to them. “Let’s go.”

Checking their weapons, the recruits readied themselves to head out into the wilderness to complete their task. Lexi clutched her staff in an iron grip as she walked through the gate that was only opened for them, and frowned. She had never been in a territory such as that, and did not know what to expect. She mentally ran over the spells she could cast, categorizing them all into defense, offense, and buffs. It was a long list, so she needed time to go over it, recalling the casting processes, the time needed to cast, the range of the spells and the areas of effect. She had no wish to accidentally harm her companions with a fireball meant for their enemies.

Everyone was quiet until they exited the thick of the woods, following the trail that soon led them into an area littered with Tevinter ruins, much like Ostagar. They came across no enemies in the forest, to which she was thankful for. It was quite dark until they got out and she was afraid of harming her allies. She needed to see properly.

The weather was turning cloudier the farther they journeyed, and she prayed the rain would not interrupt their task. It was already a boggy area, with the trails breaking apart the lakes of murky water.

They faced a pack of angry wolves soon enough, and by the time Lexi decided on what spell to use, the animals had been dealt with. She needed to become faster.

“Am I the only one that got the sense, that they were running from something?” Darrian asked them as he retrieved his arrows from the carcasses, wiping the blood on their fur.

“Darkspawn,” Alistair told them as he stared ahead with his eyes narrowed, as if trying to make out what lay ahead on the path.

“Are you sure?” Natia asked him as she walked to him and followed his lead, narrowing her eyes.

“Yes. I can sense them. All wardens can. That’s what makes us so effective.”

Now, that got Lexi’s interest. What makes the Grey Wardens so special that they could sense the darkspawn? How? Is it a learnt ability? Is it given?

“We best be on our guard, then,” Aedan approached them without sheathing his greatsword. His mabari loyally followed on his heels.

Lexi was sticking to the back of the group once they got going again, because that meant their enemies would see her last. It made her feel slightly safer to be out of the thick of the fighting, and also out of the way. She did not wish to hinder her companions in any way with her inexperience. She had a feeling that the others had plenty of opportunity before to test themselves in real combat. Her only real combat had been against the sentinels in the basement of the Tower, and those did not pose much of a challenge.

Alistair soon stopped their group with a motion of his hand and pointed at a hill. “Up there. See them?” Lexi only saw a few humanoid shapes, but that was all. Maybe the others had better eyes.

To her surprise, a hand soon wrapped around her forearm as Aedan tried to get her attention. “They are grouped together. Do you have any spells that could deal with them or harm them enough to make our job easier?” he asked her.

She bit down on her lip as she judged the distance between themselves and their enemies and nodded. “I need to get a bit closer, though, and that would make us lose the element of surprise.”

“Go for it,” he told her as he let go of her arm.

She nodded again, but before she walked closer, she stopped next to Alistair. “How tough are they? Would they die to a fireball or remain standing?”

“Why?”

“Because I am about to throw one at them, and I will not do it if they can die. We need their blood, and it is difficult, if not outright impossible to get from charred corpses.”

The warden frowned. “Any other alternative?”

“Ice. But that is about just as effective. We cannot get any blood if they are frozen solid.”

“So, you are useless is what you are saying?” Lyna piped up, earning a scoff from Lexi.

“No. But the other spells I could try are more taxing and I have a feeling I should not be tiring myself out this early in our stay in the Wilds.”

“We should just charge them,” Duran came up with another plan. “We outnumber them, by the looks of it.”

“Where there is one group, there is another,” Alistair informed them, then turned back to Lexi. “It’s your call if you want to try that spell.”

“I do.”

“Then I’ll watch your back,” he assured her immediately.

She nodded once more as she clutched her staff and cautiously walked closer to the hill to get into range. Alistair was right on her heels, shield in one hand, sword in the other. She stopped soon enough, took a deep breath, aimed the ball of fire right in the middle of them, and cast it. The resulting explosion obliterated the nearest three darkspawn and heavily injured the others, sweeping them off their feet.

“Nice,” she heard him murmur next to her, then raised his sword high to rally their companions.

It all broke loose as the other nearby darkspawn revealed themselves and joined the fray, same as her allies did. Arrows flew from one group to the other, one enemy striking Natia as she battled a foot soldier. Lexi was healing her as soon as the arrow was out, and got a small nod as a thanks. The others were gaining cuts and bruises the longer this battle dragged on, and Lexi had trouble keeping sight of them all. She did her best to support them, throwing lightning at a darkspawn that wanted to stab Darrian in the back, and a fist made of stone at two right in front of Alistair. He was fighting three at the same time and was relieved to see that two were taken out of the fight for him.

Before Lexi could have checked on the others, she screamed as sharp pain tore through her abdomen. Looking down, she saw two blades sticking out of her stomach, her blood glistening on them. She whined and spun around when those were yanked out of her, stopping the blades with her staff as those wanted to arc down at her again, and she set out to heal herself. Since she was already casting a spell, she was out of ideas as to what she could do against the darkspawn. So, she decided to kick it away from herself, whack it in the head with her staff, then blast it in the face with some lightning as soon as she was healed.

She had to lean on her staff to keep herself steady after it keeled over, as her legs were just about ready to give out. She wasn’t in pain anymore, but that did not make the experience any better. She stared at the unmoving darkspawn as she breathed heavily, trying to dampen the panic that was bubbling inside her. There was still some fighting going on, she could tell, but for a few seconds, she just stared in front of herself. She was in shock.

Is this what her life was going to be now? Constant injuries and near-death experiences?

Was it too late to go back to the Tower?

Maker, she did not want this.

“I was not made for this,” she muttered as she swallowed heavily before turning back to her allies. She cast a few healing spells on those that seemed like they needed it and did not move from her spot. Not even by a foot.

The battle was concluded within the next minute, and luckily, by that time, she had her composure back enough to remember why they needed the darkspawn in the first place. She was crouching next to the one that attacked her soon enough, getting the empty vial to fill it with its blood. It was still clutching the swords that were bathed in her blood, so she pried one out of its grasp, cutting into its neck. She took care not to touch the blood itself, though. Some soldiers in the infirmary were infected with the uncurable taint, and she had no desire to be afflicted by the same.

Although... No, that was...

Alistair said, that all wardens can sense them. Was it the reason they needed the blood? Eight vials, eight new recruits. It matched. Maker, were they about to ingest it somehow during the Joining?

Lexi was so lost in her own thoughts, the vial nearly overflowed. She quickly sealed it and sunk it deep into the pouch on her belt and remained crouching, studying the ugly creature. It was humanoid enough, yet still monstrous and disgusting.

“Thinking about dissecting it?” she heard Alistair’s voice from above her shoulder. “I do not recommend it. The taint is deadly.”

“Many things are deadly,” she told him as she pushed herself up to stand. She could have used some rest.

He must have noticed her labored movements, because he asked, “You okay?” He was looking at her bloody midsection, clearly worried. Some of the others matched his expression when they converged on her spot.

“No need to worry. It’s healed already,” she tried to dissuade their worries.

“You need to be more careful,” Darrian chided her. As if getting stabbed in the back was her fault!

“Yeah. Kind of hard to grow eyes on the back of my head, though. It snuck up on me,” she retorted, staring at the darkspawn. “Have you filled your vials yet?” she changed the topic. She was getting uncomfortable with the way all attention was on her. They nodded. “We should find those treaties, then,” she turned to Alistair.

“Right. Onward, I guess,” he reacted, heading to the front of their group once more.

They followed the trail, soon coming across a wounded soldier. Lexi didn’t even need to be told, she was on her knees next to him in a second and casting a spell to allow him to get back on his feet. It did not do much, but at least it allowed him to get back to the camp. They sent him on his way soon enough, and kept going around the Tevinter ruins. Most were sunken into the lakes, so she could only hope, that the treaties were not located in one of those.

They came across a few gruesome areas, where humans had been hung from the ruins by the trail as a warning. She didn’t know if it was the work of the darkspawn or any others calling the Wilds their home and she did not rightly care. There was nothing to be done to help them and they did not have the time to cut them down.

Lexi was much more alert this time around, when they stumbled upon another group of darkspawn as they crossed a bridge. Duran screamed as his leg got trapped in a sharp leghold trap, that thanks to his smaller stature, held him by the thighs instead of calves as it would have a human or elf. While the fighters moved past him, triggering one trap after another without getting caught, Daveth remained behind and unlocked the trap to get the dwarf out of it. Lexi was healing soon enough, then threw one offensive spell after another. An arcane bolt here, a ray of frost there, and before she knew it, their opponents were all dead.

The trail they were following soon curved upwards onto a small hill. Atop it stood a somewhat intact ruin, that was their best bet at finding the treaties they were seeking. They had to fight more darkspawn at its entrance, though, but that was fine. They were beginning to get the hang of this. Even Lexi herself, who nearly got stabbed again, when a smaller darkspawn materialized right in front of her out of thin air. She yelped out in surprise as she jumped back, the blades just narrowly missing her. Aedan and Rabbit were next to her in no time, though, making sure she did not get stabbed again. She scratched the dog behind the ear in thanks and nodded at his human, who returned the gesture and was off again to deal with the last of the darkspawn.

In a few minutes, they finally entered the ruin, only to find an ornate chest nearby. Empty. Because, of course it was.

Lexi was prepared to look around for any signs of those treaties in case those were not stored in the empty chest, when a woman appeared on the upper part of the ruins. A witch, judging by the staff on her back and her interesting clothing. She sauntered down to their level, making some of Lexi’s companions tense and reach for their weapons, muttering about witches of the wilds. Lexi just rolled her eyes. They outnumbered the woman and by a lot, and no matter how odd she looked, she issued no threat to them.

A pair of bright yellow eyes soon met her blue as the woman looked at her and smirked, seeing the staff in her hands for the first time. It certainly sparked some interest, as Lexi was soon roped into a polite conversation. The witch was pleasantly surprised when Lexi showed manners, and introduced herself as Morrigan in turn. They were informed, that it was Morrigan’s mother that removed the treaties that were no longer protected by magic; the seals had been gone from them for ages.

Their group needed a minute to reach a consensus about following Morrigan to her mother, but they eventually agreed to follow her. Lexi could not help herself and began asking question after question, that Morrigan answered. Not kindly, per se, but she did not tell her to piss off, either. But Lexi couldn’t help herself. She had never met an apostate before! There were so many things she ached to ask her!

Of course, she noticed the curious looks she received from her fellow recruits; she just didn’t care. She wanted to talk about magic, and neither of them had any insight on the arcane. With maybe the exception of Alistair. Lexi noticed some familiar abilities he exhibited when he was fighting a spellcaster darkspawn. Exactly like templar abilities.

The witches’ hut was not overly far from the ruins; barely about half an hour or so, and Morrigan’s mother was already waiting for them. Lexi was more than surprised to be all but singled out for conversation, but chalked it up to her being a mage. The look the older witch gave her was mildly unsettling, though. That woman was strange, even by her standards.

The important thing was, that they had the treaties and could make their way back to Ostagar, ready to join the ranks of the Grey Wardens.

Chapter Text

To the nagging of her mother, Morrigan guided them back to where she found them, then sent them on their way without so much as a goodbye. Not that Lexi’s companions minded. She kind of did. The woman wasn’t pleasant company, but had knowledge the sheltered Lexi did not. She was quite rude in fact, but many people have been rude to Lexi along the years. She was all but desensitized to such a thing by then.

They all checked to see if their vials were intact before they left the Korcari Wilds behind. None of them wished to return again.

The sky was already darkening by the time they turned up at the gate. Lexi immediately noticed, that the soldiers were mobilizing instead of resting, as they should have been at that hour. Perhaps their enemy was closer than they had previously thought.

Duncan was waiting for them at the bonfire, warming his hands, and grinned at them widely once he noticed their arrival. “Do you have everything?”

“We do,” Alistair assured him with a small smile and handed him the treaties. Lexi ended up giving those to the warden as soon as they left the Wilds. He was leading them, so she figured he should be the one carrying those important items.

“Excellent. Take them to the alcove on the other side of the ruins, out of view, while I prepare everything else,” he was ordered.

Alistair agreed with a simple nod and hurried off, the rest of them trailing after him. Lexi sidled up next to him soon enough. “There are eight vials of darkspawn blood. Eight new recruits. You mentioned, that wardens sense the darkspawn. I’m guessing the blood has something to do with it,” she told him, her voice quiet. “We are going to have to ingest it somehow, aren’t we?” she asked, earning a surprised look from the young man, that all but confirmed it to her.

“I cannot say anything,” he whispered back to her.

“That’s fine. Your reaction to my theory was enough of a confirmation,” she added and fell back to the rest of the recruits.

Alistair was leading them just beyond the place where she met him, onto an open alcove that Lexi was sure had a beautiful view of the nearby valley when the sun was high. At that hour, she couldn’t see much from the railing, but the camp underneath them, braziers lit and dark shapes moving amongst the tents.

Aedan and Darrian joined her at the railing as they waited for Duncan to arrive. They had nothing to do but wait, and they were far too nervous to strike up any conversation. They did not need to wait long, though, as the Warden-Commander arrived in all but ten minutes with a large, decorated silver chalice in his hands. That was filled with blood.

“I knew it. Stupid blood magic,” she murmured under her nose as they stood in a circle, listening to Duncan and Alistair officially welcome them into the Wardens.

Right before telling them, that the Joining might kill them.

Fun times.

It was not like any of them were backing out, so after saying a few words, Duncan handed to chalice to Daveth, who stood closest to his right. The thief frowned down at the blood, but did not hesitate to drink from it, handing it back to Duncan before he began convulsing and collapsed to the ground, his body spasming for a few seconds before going slack.

Dead.

It did not look pleasant to Lexi, and she was to be next unless Duncan decided to hand it to Ser Jory instead, who stood on his left and was looking mildly panicked. Not that the others weren’t unsettled by what they witnessed, but neither of them tried to move away. He did. With his huge eyes, he looked from the cooling body of Daveth to the wardens and back, his face twisted in pure terror.

Duncan handed the chalice to Alistair, as he tried to make the knight come to his senses. But that was not happening, as the man kept rambling about his pregnant wife that was waiting for him back home. Almost quicker than the eyes could see, Ser Jory was soon stabbed to death by the Warden-Commander to prevent him from bolting. Duncan did seem regretful of what he had to do.

Then he turned his gaze on Lexi and she swallowed as the chalice was handed to her next. Looking at the bodies of the men, both stronger than her, she did not have much hope that she would survive what she was about to do.

She took a deep breath. “I knew that I would be walking into my death one way or another,” she muttered as she lifted the chalice to her mouth with steady hands and swallowed the tainted blood. Duncan was right in front of her as soon as she did, taking the chalice. “That is foul--” she commented, her face twisted into a disgusted sneer right before her eyes rolled into her skull and she collapsed, the world going black around her.

She woke to an aching head and backside, because no one had seen fit to prevent her from falling backwards. She groaned as she sat slowly, then grabbed a waterskin from her backpack, gargled with the water and spat it out. But she still felt that coppery, foul flavor of the darkspawn blood, so she hastily began wiping her tongue on the sleeve of her robe, akin to a dog. The others were still out next to her, so she was more than surprised when she heard a low chuckle coming from her left.

It was Alistair, sitting on a wooden box, with Duncan nowhere in sight and the two dead bodies gone. It was a relief to Lexi, that all of the others survived.

“The taste will stay for a few days,” he warned her, his brown eyes glimmering with amusement. But the latter might have been because she still had her tongue out, licking the fabric. So, she promptly snapped her mouth shut, nearly biting her tongue and drank some more, desperately trying to get rid of the remainder of the blood.

She had some elfroot in her pack, so she fished a leaf out and decided to chew it up. The plant wasn’t only medicinal, its leaves were great for tea and the like, having a certain minty feel to it. It made it somewhat better, but did nothing to lessen the amusement that Alistair showed at her antics.

“It helps!” she insisted. “It’s healthy, too. Want some?” she asked him.

“Sure. Why not?” he asked her and took the leaf she handed him. “Any side-effects I should be made aware of?”

She shot him a look. “These are leaves of an elfroot, Alistair, not a psychedelic mushroom. This is what healing potions are made of. Well, technically those are made from the roots themselves. But the leaves have some arcane properties, as well.”

“Oh, that’s alright, then.” With that, he stuffed it into his mouth, chewing on it with exaggerated motions, that made her roll her eyes at him and prepare a retort, but Aedan stirred next to her, so she leant above his face, the same as Rabbit did, and she smiled down at him.

“Hi. You’re finally awake.,” she greeted him. Up until that point, he was groggy and his eyes were unfocused, but as soon as she said that, he shot up to sit so suddenly his forehead slammed against hers, and she yelped out both in surprise and in pain. “Maker, what is your head made of?”

He did not answer, just wildly looked around, doing his best to identify the place. He narrowed his dark eyes at her when he realized, that he survived and was still at Ostagar. He ran his hand through his disheveled hair and frowned at her. “Sorry about that,” he murmured, as she was still scratching her aching forehead.

“No harm done,” she pushed out before she drank some more water, then stood to walk the effects of the fall off. Some of her joints cracked as she stretched, and so did her newest injuries. Those definitely should not have hurt anymore, so she looked down at her abdomen and ran her fingers along the cuts. Seemed healed, there were no scars left. Still, just to be sure, she pumped a few healing spells into herself.

“You were still injured?” Alistair asked as she kept casting one spell after another.

“N-no. At least I don’t think so. But I can still feel the blades as if they are still there,” she confessed, uncaring about showing weakness. They were her new family of sorts now, so they deserved to know things like this.

“We need to get you some armor,” Aedan pointed it out as he stared at the bloody fabric.

“It would only slow me down,” she countered him as she shook her head. “Spellcasting needs delicate, precise motions to make it easier. The armor would only hinder my abilities. And I think I’m too weak physically to be able to handle wearing it all day. I don’t know how you lot do it.”

“That’s what we were trained for,” Alistair admitted as he shrugged.

“Were you a templar?” she asked him, earning yet another surprised look from him. She just smiled. “I grew up in the Circle Tower, surrounded by templars. I recognized some abilities you used against the spellcasters,” she said, just as Darrian woke, abruptly sitting up, his chest heaving. He needed a few moments to orient himself, then he was on his back again, covering his eyes with his hands.

“Yeah, I was training to be one,” Alistair answered her once it was certain, that the elf was not about to join their conversation any time soon. “Glad to be out of the Chantry, though. I was forced to join them, so when Duncan came looking for recruits, I was more than happy to leave. Giddy, really.”

“Have you been a warden for long?” Aedan asked him as he kept petting his dog.

“Barely six months or so,” he was told.

“That’s not a long time,” Aedan commented, frowning.

The other man just shrugged. “No. I would have joined way before had I the opportunity. Everything is better than being a templar,” he said as he watched Natia wake. The dwarf’s eyes grew large as she stared up at the night sky and it seemed like she was trying to mold herself into the stone underneath her.

Lexi had an idea of what made her so terrified, so she crouched down next to her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. “You are on solid ground. You cannot fall off,” she softly assured her, and received an iron grip around her forearm as Natia steadied herself and sat.

“Right. Right. Solid ground,” she muttered, looking down, feeling the stone with one hand. “Thanks, Lexi.”

“Any time,” the mage reacted with a small smile as she comfortingly patted Natia’s hand that was still wrapped around her forearm. Her grip did not loosen for minutes, until Duran shot up, startling them both. Lexi yelped and fell back to her butt, when the man began flailing around, like a madman. She soon grabbed his arm to stop him, lest he hit someone. “You are not going to fall, Duran. Not going to fall,” she assured him, trying to calm him down. Natia latched onto his other arm in support.

The man looked at them with wide eyes for a few seconds before his arms slackened, and he awkwardly cleared his throat. “Right. Of course, not. I was aware of that,” he tried to save face, but no one was buying it.

Luckily for him, the last person of their group began stirring, her reaction a simple grunt as she sat. Suspicious green eyes narrowed at Lexi and the dwarves before Lyna pushed blonde hair out of her face, and stood, stretching.

“Well, we all survived, it seems,” she said. “Surprising,” she added, clearly being dissatisfied with Lexi’s survival.

Lexi just rolled her eyes, not even bothering to comment, and turned towards the approaching Duncan. The man looked to be in a hurry.

“Get up, all of you. We are to attend the war council,” he hastily told them, getting their attention. Once they were all standing, he handed each of them a medallion with a little vial of blood in the middle. She presumed that it was the same blood they drank from. As a reminder?

They were following him soon enough, to a long table on the other side of the same area they were on. There were already a few people gathering there. She recognized one of them. Senior Enchanter Uldred. He was in deep conversation with a fully armed man, who had dark hair and matching dark circles around his eyes. His face was sunken and gave him an almost sinister look. Even though he was anything but. The famed hero, Loghain Mac Tir. He was to lead one half of the armies, while the king led the other, on the side of the wardens.

Senior Enchanter Uldred gave her an odd look when he finally saw her, but did not bother greeting her. She never liked him. There was always something about him and the subject he taught them rubbing her the wrong way. Playing with the life energy of others was not something Lexi had any intention of doing, and that is exactly what entropy was.

They talked strategy for what felt like hours, and Lexi just wanted to sleep. It had been a long day for her and the dwarves, as well. She could see Natia trying to hide her yawns as discreetly as she could, but it did not work all the time. It seemed to upset Loghain, who was not afraid to send the dwarf some resentful glares in turn. By the end of the fourth hour, even Lexi was having trouble focusing on what they were talking about, as she leant all her weight on her staff to keep herself standing. It was the middle of the night! Did they need no sleep?

She woke immediately when the horns started blaring, signaling the approach of the darkspawn horde. They were supposed to have days until the battle! Maker, they were not ready yet.

Chapter Text

Ostagar erupted into chaos as people scrambled to take their intended positions on the battlefield, with the newest wardens left on their own at the quickly abandoned war table. The warriors and mages both ran off to prepare their people, with the King insisting Duncan to hurry up when the man opted to remain with his wide-eyed wardens.

He was soon walking up to Alistair, placing his hands on the younger man’s shoulders. “You heard the king. We are leaving you in charge of the team responsible for lighting the signal fire,” he began, then looked at Lexi, Natia and Darrian. “You are to go with him. The rest of you will join the fray with me and the king.”

“B-but,” Alistair began, upset. “Someone else can light that stupid fire! I want to fight by your side, Duncan!”

“No, Alistair. You are to stay out of the fighting for as long as you can,” he insisted sternly before turning to the rest of them, letting his hands drop away from the young man. “In case the battle turns into one we cannot win, you run. All of you.” He gave Alistair a pointed glare that only upset him further. “Since you will be separated, you will need to devise a plan about where to meet up. I suggest Lothering. It is a small village North of here, that some of you have passed through already on the way.” Those that did nodded. “Take these and keep them safe. Use them, should the worst come to pass,” he added as he handed the treaties back to Alistair, who stubbornly refused to take them.

Lexi did not, when Duncan turned to her, seeing the defiance of the former templar. She gave him a firm nod, acknowledging their task. To be honest, she was glad that she was not going to be in the thick of the fighting. More chances for her to survive it all.

She placed the treaties into her backpack to keep them safe and almost jumped when Duncan placed a hand on her shoulder, his gaze seeking hers. “I know, that you still doubt yourself, your abilities when it comes to battle. You shouldn’t. You are prepared. Irving made sure of that along the years. Keep the others safe, keep them on track if needed. As soon as the darkspawn become visible, you make your way to the tower and light that fire.”

She gave him another nod, much less sure of herself after this. He wasn’t going to give any of the others any pep talk as he gave her, that became apparent when he sighed and turned to those that would be accompanying him.

“The king is waiting for me, so say your goodbyes and meet me at his tent as soon as you can.”

They barely knew each other, so Lexi had no idea what could be said. She noticed the curious looks she received, but she wasn’t going to explain what Duncan meant by her being prepared. Frankly, she felt the opposite of prepared.

“So, eh, good luck, I guess,” Duran broke the uncomfortable silence that descended on them. “Don’t die?”

Natia scoffed. “You will get to be in the thick of it, not us,” she pointed it out. Lexi had a sinking feeling she was going to be proven wrong somehow.

“Why you and not us?” Lyna complained. For the first time since Lexi met her, she seemed genuinely worried, the ever-present sneer wiped off her face. They could only shrug to her question. She sighed as she began walking off. “Not that it matters.”

“In case things go to shit, we’ll meet up in Lothering,” Aedan told them. “We are going to wait about two weeks for you. Just in case. You should do the same.” They nodded in acknowledgement and Lexi scratched behind Rabbit’s ear as the mabari walked past, following his human. Duran was not far behind them, having trouble keeping up with the strides of the human and the elf.

She ended up sighing as she leant against the table, yawning. “I’m exhausted,” she confessed.

“Ugh. Me, too,” the dwarf agreed as she hopped up onto the table. “We had been on the move all day since the break of dawn. Who knows when we’ll get to rest?”

“Probably when we die a horrible death,” Darrian piped up, as he counted the arrows remaining in the quiver on his back. “I need to stock up on arrows,” he told them when he was done.

“Yes, we should get some healing potions, as well,” Alistair said as he finally stopped sullenly glaring in front of himself.

“Lead the way, fearless leader,” Lexi told him, pushing herself away from the table. She did not expect the wide-eyed reaction she was given.

“Oh, no. You have the treaties, you lead,” he tried to pass his position to her.

“No. Duncan named you as the leader of this team.”

“And yet you have the treaties. That means, that we are to follow your lead,” he insisted.

“That’s not how this works, Alistair.”

“Yes, it is.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Yes, it is,” he repeated himself in an increasingly childish tone, that made her glare at him as she crossed her arms above her chest. She was unimpressed, to say the least.

“You are the senior warden amongst us. It is your responsibility to step up and lead this damned team that you were assigned.”

“But I don’t want to!” he whined as he mirrored her posture. “I’m not a leader.”

“Oh, by the Ancestors. Worse than a child,” she heard Natia mutter under her nose.

Lexi did not back down, continuing to give him the sternest look she could muster. “Oh, don’t look at me like that! I’m immune to it by now. The revered mother in the Chantry used to give me the same look whenever I simply dared breathe next to her! You don’t scare me.”

She could not help the small laugh that escaped her mouth, hearing his words in the same childish tone. “Yes, that sounds like the Chantry. Fine, fine. I’ll lead if the two of you are okay with that,” she asked Darrian and Natia.

“Yeah, I’ll follow ya,” was the woman’s instantaneous reaction.

The elf did not look that sure, but he shrugged, too. “Okay. I do not know you nearly as well as Natia does, but Duncan seemed to think you capable.”

She nodded at them, ignoring the triumphant look on Alistair’s face. She just narrowed her eyes at him, earning a stupid grin. “Let us get some supplies, then,” she gave her first order as a leader and left the war council’s table behind, the rest of the wardens right behind her.

They stopped by the quartermaster, who was already busy barking orders at soldier and templar alike and only negligently paid attention to what Darrian was requesting. The man was so distracted, he first thought that Darrian was one of his errand boys and demanded he deliver some swords to the King’s chosen warriors. Lexi was certain, that she would need to hold him back, seeing how his usually stoic features twisted into a sneer at the insinuation that he was nothing but a servant. If there was anywhere else they could have procured some arrows from, then she would have walked off in a heartbeat, but the quartermaster was the only one selling them. She could tell, that Darrian gritted his teeth as he handed the coins over to the man, muttering about overpriced garbage. The man did not have any spare healing potions, though, so that was a bummer. It appeared it would fall to Lexi to keep the team up to health. She could only hope, that her magical reserves would last until the end of the battle.

Since she wanted to be as far from the quartermaster as possible just to avoid any incidents involving a stray arrow, she led the small team to the bridge that led to the Tower of Ishal that was to be their destination. She leant on the low stone wall, anxiously awaiting the moment the horde showed itself, and soon found her companions mirroring her position.

She was the only one that remained there for the hour they needed to wait for the darkspawn to show themselves. Her palms were outright sweating as she gripped the cold stone, ignoring the anxious footsteps of her companions as they paced back and forth.

One moment, everything was normal, quiet. Then the next, an alien feeling started creeping up the back of her neck, alerting her to the movement deep in the forest below them.

“Darkspawn?” she asked Alistair once he joined her again, his expression grim and showing his determination.

“Yes,” he agreed simply, no doubt feeling the same. Then he was yelling “Get back!” to the others and grabbing her by the arms to yank her out of the way of the large flying projectile that slammed into the bridge all but a few seconds later, a few feet from where they stood. Its impact sent Lexi slamming into his chest, as they stumbled back, off the bridge and to the safety of the walls. Well, relative safety. But they were all fine, luckily, as her companions had great reflexes.

She leant against Alistair’s firm body for a few seconds, breathing heavily as she heard the battle commence below them. She felt overwhelmed as she listened to the battle cries and screams of the dying, and not for the first time, wondered why she was doomed to walk this path in life. She could not idle for long, however, as a frantic soldier braved the bridge to run up to them.

“The tower! The darkspawn are in the tower! Burrowed up from below!” he screamed at them, prompting Alistair to finally let go of her and let her stand. She was so out of it, she had not even realized, that he held onto her up until that point.

“We have to get there,” he pushed out as he pulled Darrian and Natia up, then turned to Lexi, awaiting orders.

Right. Maker, why did she have to be the one to give out orders? “You two alright? Need any healing before we run across?” she asked the others, who seemed shaken, but otherwise fine as they nodded. She took a deep breath. “Let’s go, then. That signal fire is not going to light itself.”

She did not dally any longer and booked it, hoping that they would not be hit by flying boulders on their way across. One impact was a close call, that ended up killing multiple archers, scattering their gory remains, but Lexi had no time to even glance at them and kept moving, occasionally looking to her right to see if they were in the clear. And that was her luck, as one projectile would have destroyed them had she not been looking. She knew, that the force of it would have obliterated any shield she could have pulled up, so she focused her magic on preventing it from impacting, holding a hand towards to slow and catch it, then with one swift motion, sent it back to where it came from. It was a heavy spell that left her unsteady on her legs. Any form of telekinesis was taxing on a mage, and she was beginning to feel the wear of the day.

She really, really was not allowed to, though, as they were met with multiple darkspawn already on their approach to the tower. Lexi wished the others were allowed to join them instead of going with Duncan... They certainly could have used a few more fighters.

Natia and Alistair were quickly surrounded by several darkspawn, having troubles keeping themselves protected, as Darrian and Lexi tried focusing on the archers. Lexi quit it soon enough, since she hated seeing their melee fighters in such peril, and sent a few spells at their enemies to thin their number out somewhat. In her business, she left Darrian on his own, and whirled towards him when she heard him curse. He was busy dodging one blow after another as he tried his best to shoot at his enemy in point-blank range, but he could not steady the bow enough to do that. He was overwhelmed in a few seconds and fell to his back, with no way out of his situation, so Lexi sent an arcane bolt at the darkspawn that was still on top of him afterwards, and seeing how ineffective this was, she marched up to them and smashed the end of her staff in its face as hard as she could, hoping to disorient it at least a bit. She managed to do that, and it rolled off Darrian, writhing in pain. Lexi did not give it time to recover, as she quickly formed a blade of ice at the bottom of her staff and slammed it into its eye to finish it. It flailed around for a few seconds, but she twisted the weapon, breaking the ice off, and its body went limp soon enough.

“You know, you are surprisingly physical for a mage,” the elf commented as she helped him up.

“My magical reserves are not unlimited. I need to conserve most of it. Who knows what the rest of this night will bring?”

“You’re not wrong,” he agreed as he got back to shooting arrows, and she looked for her next opponents.

She decided to hurry to the aid of Alistair, who was still fending off three darkspawn with his shield. He was visibly bruised, so Lexi used a stronger healing spell on him to revitalize him a bit, then stopped a few feet from them in a position, that lined his opponents up in one line, allowing her to shoot lightning at them, that went through the first two and also hit the third. It ended up killing all but the middle, that the warrior decapitated with a swift blow. Lexi did not even wait for the head to hit the ground, she was already turning towards the dwarf, who was on her knees, banged up, and her opponent ready to end her. The mage locked her into a protective, impenetrable barrier to keep her safe. The darkspawn’s weapon bounced off it, to Natia’s visible surprise.

“Can one of you deal with it? I cannot do anything else while keeping her protected,” she asked her companions, who turned their gazes on their fellow warden. Darrian had already managed to shoot it once by the time Alistair dealt with it and Lexi was allowed to let the spell go with a relieved sigh.

She needed to conserve her magic more. But first, she needed to heal the wardens. It drained her even more, but she still had plenty left in her. She took a quick look around before she approached them. Luckily, they had dealt with all of the darkspawn that could have prevented them from entering the tower.

“Any of you need more healing?” she asked them.

“Yeah, I could use some,” Natia told her, showing them the large gash on her side that one of Lexi’s previous spells had already started healing. She quickly finished what she began and turned to the men, but they both shook their head at her, indicating that they were fine.

“Let’s get inside, then.”

Unsurprisingly, more darkspawn awaited them inside, making use of the barricade and traps that had already been laid out to them. Their small group had not yet been spotted, so that left them some time to prepare and count heads.

“There is a trap there,” Natia pointed out a tripwire, whispering. There was oil underneath it, and Lexi figured the trap would have released some fire, that could easily spread further inside, with how much oil was covering the floor. “We could lure them closer somehow and then light the oil.”

“Good idea,” the senior warden reacted and without any further planning, approached the nearby barricade, flailing wildly with his arms. “Yoo-hoo! Uglies, we’re right heeeere!” he taunted them, successfully getting their attention.

Some were archers, so those didn’t move from their positions while the melee fighters approached the wardens. “Alistair, get back,” Lexi called him back, out of the range of the fireball she threw the moment he was in a safe distance. It ignited all the oil, and the darkspawn screeched horrible noises as they went up in flames like firewood. The only problem was, that they were sitting ducks until the flames began dying down, with nowhere else to move, and that made the job of the archers a lot easier. She whined when an arrow just narrowly avoided sticking into her neck and an artery with it. She could feel her blood pour out of the graze, that she sealed as swiftly as it appeared.

“We need to move,” she pushed out as she started moving, stepping over the tripwire when she got there. Not that it mattered, as a ball of fire that was not her own doing was soon dropping on top of them. She had enough time to throw a small barrier up to lessen the effects, but they were still thrown to the ground from its impact on it.

As soon as she was on her knees, she looked for the culprit, and found a lone spellcaster amongst the remaining archers. Targeting that, she let loose a powerful blast of lightning that made it spasm for a few seconds before letting it collapse, as dead as something can get. She did not feel well enough to stand, so she let the others handle the remaining enemies while she gathered herself and tried to pretend to be fine. She could only hope, that she managed to fool them, as she cast a few healing spells on them just to be safe. Those were easily done and did not drain much of her reserves, luckily. But she was running dangerously low.

She really needed to make some potions to use. If she got out of this place alive…

“You okay? You seemed… ehm… out of it, for a bit after the lightning,” Alistair approached her.

“It was a strong spell, is all, and I am beginning to run low on magic,” she confessed.

He did not seem to view her any less for admitting to such a thing, and just acknowledged her confession with a firm nod. “Then let us handle most of the fighting, okay? Keep your reserves for healing spells.”

She nodded at him and took point once more, heading to the stairway leading upstairs. Of course, they needed to deal with plenty more darkspawn on the way, and she simply could not let them handle it all on their own and decided to at least help with her staff, that could send some energy projectiles at her enemies even without consuming any of her mana. She had completely forgotten that they can do that. Probably because the damage these projectiles ended up doing were insignificant. Still helpful, though, when Natia was cornered and the projectile ended up killing one of her opponents, making her job slightly easier. Still, Lexi wished she had an actual weapon to use. Not that she would have been able to use any but daggers, no. Cullen had once allowed her to take a closer look at his sword. To try and lift it. She failed to do so, and quite miserably. A mage was not built for heavy lifting, she had to admit that to herself. It would have been extremely helpful, though, if she could find a way to circumvent the strength requirement.

They got to the next level without issue, where there were nearly twice as many darkspawn waiting for them, standing in their way. Lexi had no idea what ballistae were doing on that level, inside a tower, but she put that nagging question aside and started aiming those after throwing yet another fireball into the thick of them, avoiding her companions and making their job easier. Reloading those siege weapons would have been a bother, though, so after carefully firing both, she rejoined the fighting with her staff and her healing magic that saw plenty of use.

Once on the third floor, barking is what welcomed them, as they came across a few locked-up war dogs, that Alistair suggested they release. They did, and the animals were not afraid to sniff out their enemies and rush into the next room, viciously tearing through as many as they could get their fangs on. The wardens followed them soon enough, joining the fight, and together with the mabari, they made quick work of their foes.

By Lexi’s estimate, only one level remained, so she made sure, that they were all healed and as prepared as they could be, before walking up the stairs and arriving to a particularly gruesome chamber with a huge, monstrous darkspawn feasting on human remains.

“What the actual fuck is that?” Natia asked them with a whisper. And also managed to get its attention. “Shit,” was her only reaction as the creature roared at them.

“Scatter!” Lexi gave the order as it charged them, and her companions did as asked, leaving her in its path. She sent an arc of lightning at it, but it did not even faze it, her attack all but bouncing off its thick skin. “Well, that’s not good,” she muttered as she realized, that there was a chance her spells would be highly ineffective against it. Right as it got into melee range with her.

Its large hand was reaching out towards her to snatch her up and snap her like a twig, but she had enough composure to cast a spell on herself that quickened her reflexes enough to be able to avoid it. As she kept ducking out of its way, the other wardens began attacking, riddling it with arrow after arrow and striking its legs until those gave out and it fell backwards, flailing like a toddler that could not turn onto its stomach without help. Lexi used its disorientation to repeat what she had already done once, and created a solid blade of ice on the bottom of her staff, jumped onto its chest and slammed it to where she predicted its heart would be. It made a whiny sound before it stopped moving altogether, leaving her heaving on top of it, then pulling her bloody staff back. The blade went deeper than she had thought it would, so even with the ice gone, her staff was coated in its tainted blood.

“Yuck,” she frowned as she wiped the staff clean on its body and looked up to see her companions giving her strange looks. “What?”

“Like I said; way too physical for a mage,” Darrian repeated himself as he gathered some still usable arrows.

She shrugged as she jumped off and hurried to light the signal fire. They had already been delayed for far too long.

“Now what?” Natia asked once the wood was burning. “They did not say what we were to do afterwards.”

“Now we wait,” Lexi told her. “We need to make sure the darkspawn do not extinguish it.”

“We should be down there, fighting alongside the others,” Alistair complained as he paced, swinging his sword in wide arcs.

“Patience, Alistair,” Lexi advised him as she sat down on a barrel and ran her fingers through her disheveled hair that was close to falling out of the bun it was secured in. She groaned as she pulled it free, letting it cascade down her back.

“Hey, look what I found!” Natia ran up to the warrior brandishing a shield, that seemed to be sturdier than the one he was holding. He accepted it from her, weighing it carefully, testing its properties to compare it with the one he had. Then he promptly discarded the old for this new find.

“Thanks, Natia. Anything else?” he asked the dwarf, who proudly showed him some coins and even a necklace.

“We could split it up or let one of us handle the coin,” she came up with an offer. Alistair’s eyes were instantly on Lexi, who was in the process of combing through her black hair with her fingers. She shrugged. Not like they had anything better to do anyways and she didn’t want it to get into her way later on.

“Give it to Lexi. She’s leading us,” he told Natia, to Lexi’s horror.

“Yes, I’m leading this small team. For now. But I will be giving this position up as soon as I can. I am not replacing Duncan, Alistair. He remains our leader,” she countered as she took her eyes off the man and gave her attention to her hair. 

She was in the middle of securing it back into place when that new feeling returned, signaling the arrival of more darkspawn. What was happening to their ground forces if they could not prevent more darkspawn from hopping out of that hole they made?

She let her hair fall in her haste to scramble up and ready herself for the next fight. She checked her magic, only to find that not much remained by then.

“Get ready,” she told her companions, who were already brandishing their weapons when the darkspawn burst through the door. A smaller army of them.

Lexi knew, that they were doomed, so she pulled a barrier up to separate the wardens from them for as long as she could.

“We’re doomed,” Darrian unknowingly echoed her own thoughts as he tried counting their numbers. “I don’t even have enough arrows for half of them!” he admitted, his voice wavering a bit.

“Any spells, that could take out large chunks of them?” Alistair asked her as he walked up to her.

“I cannot cast anything while I’m holding the barrier and the stronger spells require a few seconds to be cast. We would be dead before I could begin.”

“And how long can you keep the barrier up?” Natia asked her as she watched the darkspawn pummel the shield with all the might they had.

“Two more minutes? At most,” Lexi admitted. “They keep attacking it and I need to keep repairing it. And I’m already tired. I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I’ll try to hold out for as long as I can, but...”

“It won’t matter,” Alistair drew the conclusion. “We will be dead as soon as you run out of magic to use.”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, placing the blame on herself. “If I was stronger, then maybe--”

She did not get to finish her sentence, as she heard the rapid beating of wings from outside the destroyed part of the tower. She could barely look at the hole, a large bird was already squeezing itself through it and landing a few feet from them. Then began morphing into a humanoid, ending up taking the form of Morrigan’s mother.

They just gaped at her as she grinned at them. “Ah, you are still alive. Good. I was hoping, that you would be.” Having just heard the snarls of the darkspawn, she looked towards them, then at the barrier, then at the visibly strained Lexi. “Oh, dear. I was right about you, it seems. So much potential,” she told her as she approached and grabbed her chin, gazing into her blue eyes with her odd amber.

“Get them out of here. Please,” Lexi pleaded to her as a bead of sweat rolled down her cheek.

“I can take two.”

“Take three,” Lexi countered her, aware that her death was drawing nearer by the second. “Hurry. I cannot hold this for much longer.”

The witch grunted at her, narrowing her eyes. “Hmph. Maybe I could take three. Lucky that one is a dwarf.”

“Leave me here,” Alistair volunteered immediately. “I’m the senior member of this group, it should be me, that stays behind.”

Lexi whirled on him. “You cannot use that position only when it suits you,” she scolded him, upset that he would try to pull something like this. “You either always take the responsibility that comes with it, or you never do. You cannot do so only when it fits your wishes. You go and you lead,” she all but ordered him. He looked away from her in shame. “Now take them, please. I really cannot stand much more of this battery,” she turned back to the witch.

She just patted her cheek. “I’ll come back for ya. It would be a shame to lose one so powerful to the darkspawn of all things,” the woman told her as she began changing her shape into the same large bird.

Lexi shook her head. “Do not bother coming back for a corpse,” she told the woman, resigned to her fate. She had been aware of what her likely fate would be for weeks now. Not that she was glad to be proven right...

The woman-turned-bird just cawed at her as it lifted into the air and grabbed Darrian with one clawed feet and Alistair with another. Natia ended up grabbing the elf, squeezing him with all her might.

“Lexi...” she began, as she saw the mage sink to her knees and the barrier flicker.

“Go already!” Lexi snarled at the bird, that was gone the next second.

She watched the retreating form, as she allowed her vision to blur with her tears. She didn’t want to die, but her barrier shrunk by the second, barely capable of protecting her. She did what she hadn’t done before and sent a quick prayer to the Maker to ask him to keep the rest of the wardens safe.

Then she let the barrier fall.

Chapter Text

Lexi was groggy and in pain when she awoke, her eyelids heavy and almost refusing to open when she willed them to. She had no idea where she was; she did not recognize the interior of the small hut that she was in, but it all became clear to her when a familiar woman sat down on the edge of the bed, holding a small bowl of something.

“Good,” Morrigan began. “We were beginning to think you would never wake. Your friends are more than anxious to leave already.” Lexi just groaned in response, not feeling well enough to speak. “Here. You need to eat this, get some strength back,” she insisted as she pulled Lexi up to sit, causing her to whine in pain. Morrigan did not look apologetic one bit after causing her discomfort and just pushed the bowl into her hands. Lexi did not even have the composure to ask what was in it and just slowly lifted it to her lips, careful of her injuries.

It took her a while to force it all down and she already felt exhausted afterwards, but instead of falling backwards, she made herself stay sitting, counting her newly gained scars. Healing magic only makes the scars disappear if it is used almost instantly, so she needed to get used to the view. She was only wearing the bare minimum, so she could see multiple scars on her upper body, all caused by arrows.

“How am I still alive?” she groggily asked the woman. “Why did your mother return for me? I was already as good as dead.”

“’Tis quite fortunate for you that you held the treaties your friends needed. Mother returned to retrieve that from your corpse, but found you breathing still as they were dragging you underground with the rest of the bodies.” The treaties. Maker, she had completely forgotten about those. “It took us a few days to nurse you back to health and we were not sure if it would be enough. Your wounds were... numerous and you were barely hanging on.”

“But you saved me. Thank you, Morrigan.” The woman seemed taken aback by that simple heartfelt gratitude.

“You are most welcome.”

“I assume we lost the battle, but what came of the other wardens?” Lexi kept asking questions as she mapped her body up with her fingers, trailing over each scar.

“The battle was lost, indeed. The commander of the king’s armies quit the field and abandoned your allies. ‘Twas I that found the second half of your companions and guided them here. Your leader and the king are dead, but your friends all live. They are outside, with Mother, thinking that we are hiding your corpse. So you should get dressed and show them that you live before they barge in here like some of them had discussed.”

Despite herself, Lexi chuckled at that. She knew, that there was no use wearing her old robe, for that was riddled with holes, so she looked for her backpack and pulled a spare one out of it. Her movements were labored and slow, but she did manage to dress herself in a matter of minutes. Morrigan waited patiently for her as she milled around the small living space, then handed Lexi her staff to lean on. The warden noted, that the blood had been cleaned off it.

The witch helped her stand and held onto her for a few seconds, only until Lexi stopped wobbling on her feet, then opened the door for her.

It was the middle of the day, the weather clearer than the previous day’s, so her companions were lazing out in the open, around a small pit of fire. A chorus of “Lexi!” greeted her, laden with varying amounts of surprise and happiness at the confirmation of her survival. She damn near burst into tears, hearing their reaction. She never thought people could come to care for her enough to be happy to see her.

“Hi,” she greeted them simply as she plopped down next to Natia with a groan. Even walking that short distance was too much for her.

The dwarf soon lightly elbowed her on the side and grinned up at her. “Glad to see you’re not dead.”

Lexi gave her a small smile. “Glad not to be dead.”

“You kind of look dead, though,” Lyna told her as she looked her up and down with a deep frown on her face.

Lexi just let out a weak chuckle as she stared at her paler than usual hands. “Well, I don’t feel dead. I doubt that corpses feel pain and exhaustion.”

“No, they do not,” Morrigan’s mother agreed.

“That is a relief, then,” Lexi turned to her. “I... Forgive me, but I don’t think you introduced yourself before,” she realized when she wanted to thank her.

“I have had many names, child,” the witch told her.

“Pick one, then,” Lexi told her and earned a lighthearted laugh from the woman.

“You may call me Flemeth.”

“Well, then, Flemeth, thank you for saving my life. You easily could have just taken my backpack and left me there, so... Thank you.”

The woman just waved her gratitude away. “Eh. I woulda gone back for you even if you were not the one holding the treaties. Every Grey Warden will be needed in the upcoming war.”

Lexi nodded, but frowned as she looked at her companions. “Morrigan told me, that Loghain abandoned our forces. What’s our next move, then?”

She did not miss the furious look Aedan and Alistair had to them. They seemed to be more affected by being betrayed than the others.

“We cannot let him get away with it,” Aedan all but snarled, Rabbit mimicking his human. “It’s one thing that the snake Howe, who allied himself with Loghain butchered my family, it is another that their traitorous actions caused the king’s death, leaving Ferelden without a Theirin heir and king. They need to be brought to justice.”

“They butchered your...” Darrian started asking but trailed off when Aedan gave him a hard look, clearly not wanting to speak more of it.

It made Lexi realize, that they all had their fair share of troubles right before they were recruited into the Wardens. She dared say, that she was somewhat of an exception, as she would have been conscripted regardless. She couldn’t even fathom what Aedan must have been going through.

“We could head to Redcliffe,” Alistair proposed. “Arl Eamon is the king’s uncle. I know him, he is a good man, and he would help us.”

“Then what?” Duran asked them.

“We use the treaties and gather allies. There is still a Blight we need to be mindful of. The darkspawn are still out there, ravaging Ferelden,” Aedan told him, then looked at Lexi. “How long do we need to stay here? We are losing precious time by remaining in the Wilds.” Lexi dropped her gaze from him, staring into her lap. “Oh, no. I’m not blaming you, Lexi. None of us is blaming you,” he realized what it sounded like. “It’s just that...”

“We need to get going,” she finished the sentence for him, still keeping her gaze on her fiddling hands. “Tomorrow. I’ll be stronger by then. If-if that is alright with you, of course,” she looked at Flemeth. “We are intruding on your home, after all.”

“Eh. What’s one more day? Now, eat,” she told Lexi as she unceremoniously pushed another bowl into her hands.

“I already did before I came out here,” she protested, but was rewarded with a stern look.

“Eat. You want your strength back, no?” She nodded. “Then eat.”

Sighing, Lexi did as she was told, already feeling better by the second as the warm broth warmed her insides. She had half a mind to curl up around the pit of fire and fall asleep, but it was the middle of the day and they still had much to plan.

“Any of you have a map?” she asked her fellow wardens as she chewed. It was Alistair that ended up handing her one and she looked around, looking for a table to spread it on. She didn’t see one, so she sunk to her knees and carefully placed it down to the grass, mindful of the fire nearby. “So, we have treaties for the mages,” she pointed at Kinloch Hold, then at Orzammar, “for the dwarves, and for the Dalish,” she finished, her hand lingering around the Brecilian Forest. “I know that the Dalish move around, but I suppose you would know the general area of your camp,” she added as she looked at Lyna. The elf gave her a nod. “And these are Lothering and Redcliffe. The Brecilian Forest is the one that is away from all other destinations, so we either go there first or leave it for last.”

“We should get to Redcliffe first. Someone needs to learn what happened at Ostagar,” Alistair insisted as he knelt next to her, his eyes narrowed at the map.

“We could do this faster if we split up,” Natia pointed it out. “But I have a feeling, that we should stick together.”

“We should,” Lyna agreed. “We are all that is left of the wardens, so we cannot lose sight of each other.”

“Agreed,” Lexi told her as she took another sip, finishing the broth and placing the bowl on the ground by her feet. “So, Lothering first to get some news and information, then Redcliffe. You mentioned that you know the Arl,” she turned to the warden next to her. He nodded. “I assume, that you’ve been to Redcliffe, then.”

“I grew up there, actually.”

That came as a surprise to everyone.

“That’s great. This map shows, that it is right on the shore of Lake Calenhad.”

“The castle itself is right above the lake and the village has a small port for ships,” he explained.

“Then we could go to Kinloch Hold from there, taking a ship. It would cut back the traveling time considerably,” Lexi proposed. “After that, Orzammar and the Dalish.”

“I have a feeling it will not be this simple,” Duran commented.

“No, but at least now we have some semblance of a plan,” Lexi pointed it out, then stifled a yawn. She was getting so sleepy, and she had a feeling it was not natural. She sent an accusatory glance at the old witch. “What did you put into that bowl?” her words already came out slurred.

“Do not worry about it, dear. It will allow you to recover by the morrow,” Flemeth assured her, but she did not feel assured. She felt nauseous and unsteady, and her vision was blurring more and more by the second. She heard some of her fellow wardens throw threats at the witch, then she fell forward, all strength leaving her.

She could feel strong arms wrap around her torso to prevent her from falling face-first into the grass, then she was gone, sleeping soundly.

She made sure to give the stink-eye to Flemeth the next time she saw her, but the woman just innocently shrugged it off. It was early morning still when her eyes snapped open, and her fellow wardens were still sleeping soundly in their tents. Since there was nothing for her to do, she went for a walk around the hut, walking on the edge of the bog. She listened to the birds chirping melodies, the insects buzzing, and the wind rustling the plants nearby. She had much on her mind. There was so much trauma left unprocessed, starting with the loss of the Warden-Commander and the king. She did not know them well, but knew them enough to know how deep their demise impacts the lives of every Fereldan. Seven wardens remained in Ferelden with the death of Duncan, with the senior of them being in the ranks for merely six months. That was practically no time to learn anything.

Lexi sincerely doubted that Alistair would take up the mantle and if he didn’t, then one of the even less experienced would need to. That could easily lead to even more disastrous consequences, as one bad decision made could affect an entire country. Or worse: the world.

She wished she was still back at the tower. Life was so much simpler back then. The only thing she needed to worry about was practicing her magic enough and helping others. And she missed Cullen. She missed his soft smile, that he showed only to her, his honey-like eyes that kept following her movements, thinking she didn’t notice. She did. She was hyper-aware of even his smallest movements. She enjoyed the way he looked at her, the way his lips felt against hers.

But there was no use thinking about him. Visitors to the Tower were not allowed beyond the archives, and she had a feeling, that she would be misfortunate enough to not have him on duty there when she showed up with the wardens. She longed to see him again and had the insane idea to maybe ask him if he wished to join them on their journey. Not that he would, no. Becoming a templar was his life-long dream. He would not give it up for her. As much as it hurt to admit that. He would always choose the Chantry if presented with a choice.

She angrily kicked a rock into the water. She hated how dutiful he was.

“What did that rock do against you?” came the question from Alistair, causing her to whirl towards his voice, her eyes wide and teary. The smile he wore instantly disappeared the moment he saw the tears in her eyes, concern taking its place. “You okay?”

She instantly turned away from him and wiped her eyes. “Yeah. Just... A lot has happened in the past few weeks. Many things I still need to process. I had just accepted that I would never return to the Tower and someone I left behind, only to find out, that I will have to return to recruit the mages to our cause. I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to leave again,” she confessed, not glancing at him when he walked up to her. “I know that you heard Duncan tell me that I was prepared for this, but he was wrong. I have always been one of the strongest apprentices, that is true, but the First-Enchanter only restarted the lessons he had stopped years ago a few weeks before my recent birthday. I realize now, that it is when Duncan showed up, requesting a mage be given to the Wardens. So, Irving started preparing me for fighting. And I can fight. But this is war now. Not only against the darkspawn, but against Loghain, against a human and his armies, whose daughter is the widow of the king. How am I supposed to be prepared for this?” she asked him, finally looking at him. He continued looking at the gently rippling water with his face screwed up into a thoughtful expression. “I’m just a mage. I was supposed to grow old as a prisoner, nothing more.”

He remained quiet for a few more seconds, his brows furrowing more and more. “I... think you are wrong. You might be a mage, true, but you are going to do a lot of good outside of the tower, and that is only possible because of the lessons you were given. Duncan told you to keep us safe, to keep us on track, so that is what you are going to do. We’ve been talking, while you were out. We agreed, that you should remain the leader of our group.”

“No,” was her firm answer. He looked at her when he heard that, her defiant gaze holding his surprised. “I’m a mage.”

“So what?” he asked her.

“Mages are not leaders, Alistair. If Duncan was right, then I’m a noblewoman from Kirkwall, from a prominent family, but despite that, I do not have a noble status, nor do my also mage siblings. We are not allowed anything. We have less rights as mages than servants do! Do you know what the people would whisper if they heard that the remaining wardens are led by a mage? That I must be keeping you all enthralled with blood magic, because Maker forbid a mage actually achieve something on her own without turning to such vile methods! Freaking blood mages, giving us normal mages a bad reputation,” she spat as she turned away from him and kicked another rock into the water.

He silently watched her stew in her righteous anger, not having any comforting words to tell her. She didn’t actually mind that. Nothing could have comforted her, anyways. Nothing, but a calming hug from a certain templar. That thought angered her more, so she looked for another rock to kick, finding it a few feet from her. She kicked it with such force, she nearly ended up slipping on the muddy ground. She would have, had Alistair been further away. He steadied her within a second, earning a huff of a breath from her.

She could see his lips straining not to pull into a grin, so she narrowed her eyes up at him. “Don’t laugh at me.”

“I’m not laughing!” he insisted, while almost laughing.

“Do not make me fling you into the water with magic,” she warned him. They were standing close enough for her to be able to do that if she wanted to.

Now, that got him laughing. “Don’t recommend, since I’m holding onto you right now. Also, templar training, remember? I can nullify your magic pretty easily.”

She frowned at him. “Then let go of me and be prepared to learn how to fly,” she muttered as she demonstrated what she can do with one free hand, without taking her eyes off him. He noticed the shadow looming over them soon enough, and turned towards it, abruptly releasing her when he saw a large hand made of water heading into his direction. She chuckled. “What? What was that about templar training?” she asked him, grinning as she let the water recede and still, as if nothing even happened. Alistair just stood there completely gobsmacked, his mouth partially hanging open. “Come, let us return to the others,” she added as she lightly tapped him on the biceps. That was when she actually realized, that he did not wear any armor. Because she could feel the hard muscles underneath the fabric of his shirt as she touched him. She did not pay any attention to his attire before. “Mayhap they are already awake.”

She did not wait for him to wake from his stupor, but he caught up to her fairly quickly. “It was kind of impressive,” he complimented her. “Your magic is very... eh... colorful.”

Lexi gave him an odd look at that. “Versatile?” she offered a better word.

“That’s a word, yes.”

“I learnt a lot of spells. There was little else to do in the Tower but read books and learn spells,” she commented as she shrugged, then smiled at Duran as the dwarf’s eyes met hers. He grinned widely behind his braided beard.

“Hey, up and moving around, I see,” he began as she stretched, popping his shoulder. “How you feelin’?”

“Like a pincushion,” she admitted. “I know that the arrows are gone, but the scars remain.”

“Yeah, you kind of looked like one when the witch returned with you. There was so much blood,” he remembered, shivering uncomfortably. “We all thought you were dead already, but you’re tougher than you look.”

“So it would seem,” she agreed as she looked at Darrian, who had just emerged from his tent. He was yawning as he stretched.

Slowly, all of her companions rose from their slumber, and after eating some breakfast, they were ready to set out on their journey to Lothering. To their shared surprise, Flemeth bid her daughter to join them and help them as much as she could. The topic of who would be acting as their leader did not get brought up by anyone, as for that trek, it mattered not.

Morrigan proved to be extremely useful in navigating the wilds, and thanks to their warden senses, they could avoid many pockets of darkspawn lingering about in the woods. It still took them a considerable amount of time to find the small village, though.

Chapter Text

An unexpected sight welcomed them on the outskirts of the village. There seemed to be an influx of refugees making temporary shelter for themselves, human and elf alike. Mostly families, if Lexi’s eyes did not deceive her. But of course, there were plenty of people that gladly used the misery of others for their own gain, extorting money from weary travelers, that barely have anything left in the first place. The thugs at the highway made the mistake of trying to get this particular group to pay the tax to be allowed to move further into Lothering itself. The wardens were in agreement, that these people should not be allowed to live and keep collecting this made-up tax and quickly dealt with every single one of them, collecting the money they had already collected. It was a quite hefty sum. They split the spoils evenly, putting a plus one aside for cost of rooms at inns and the like.

Lexi stared at the coins that were handed to her almost in awe. She had never had any coins before. Her first earnings. It filled her with a certain kind of pride, even though technically the money did not belong to them. Looking for the rightful owners would have been a complete waste of time, though. Most would have probably moved on already.

“You are looking at those coins as if you’d never seen any before,” Aedan pointed it out as he caught her staring as they were walking at the back of their group. The others had already pocketed their own share.

“I just… I’ve never had any money before,” she admitted, causing his eyes to grow wide. “Apprentices like me had no use for coin at the Circle. Our robes were provided for us, so was everything else we needed,” she explained. He furrowed his brows for a second before he grabbed her hand and gave her his share, covering her hand with his own. “N-no. I cannot. This is yours.” She tried to give it back to him, but he would not have it, just squeezed her hand and smiled handsomely at her. She might have ended up blushing. She was not used to being touched so softly. Or at all. Most of her contact with people was when they grabbed her to drag her out of the way of something she was too slow to avoid on her own.

“I know that you will use it well,” he told her softly, then let her hand drop.

“I will. Thank you,” she thanked him as she sunk the coins into the pouch on her belt. The nobleman continued looking at her, though, so she suspected he had something else he wanted to address. She could have sworn his face took a rosy shade as he cleared his throat.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you seem to pay special attention to the senior warden in our party,” he lowered his voice, as Alistair was not very far away. The blond man was in the middle of discussing shield techniques with Duran, though, and that made him quite occupied.

“It’s not like that,” Lexi denied the veiled accusation. “It’s just… Doesn’t he remind you of the king?” she asked back, also lowering her voice. “Similar facial structure, the same eye and hair color… He even knows the king’s uncle and grew up in his castle. Or the village nearby. Doesn’t really matter.”

Aedan just blinked at the back of Alistair, trying to see him in a new light. “Are you saying, that—”

“They might be related! Like… Like a cousin, of sorts! What if Alistair is the illegitimate son of the Arl?” she dared share her theory with the man.

He did not seem convinced. “I don’t know… Tell you what. We will interrogate the Arl or our friend himself in Redcliffe. If you are right, then I will give you five sovereigns.”

“And if I’m wrong?”

That made him think a little. Then he shot her a charming smile. “I wouldn’t say no to stealing a kiss,” he cheekily came up with her part of the deal, ending up winking at her, when he noticed her blush.

“That doesn’t seem to be worth five sovereigns to me,” she smoothly tried to get out of the deal. In all honestly, she did not feel very comfortable about kissing him. She liked Aedan, she did, but she was still not over Cullen, and it would not have felt right.

“What doesn’t?” Natia asked, turning back to them. Lexi could only hope, that she did not hear the rest of their conversation.

“Nothing,” Lexi tried to keep it between the two of them.

“Stealing a kiss from a pretty young lady,” he answered, getting an elbow in the side from her. It only made his grin wider.

Natia stopped for a brief second, looking back and forth between them, trying to figure out what was going on. Lexi decided to make it easier for her. “We are making a bet about something. He offered five sovereigns if I end up being right and wants a kiss if I’m wrong.”

“What’s the bet about?” she asked them excitedly as she turned around and continued trekking backwards without breaking a sweat.

“You’ll figure it out in a few days, I’m sure,” Lexi assured her. She wasn’t going to share her theory with anyone. The only reason she admitted to Aedan was to get him to stop thinking about her watching Alistair for personal reasons. Because she wasn’t. Her mind just couldn’t rest about that topic until she was proven right or wrong.

“Aww! And what if I wanted to join the betting?” she asked them, almost completely dejected at being excluded.

“You’ll join a next one,” Aedan assured her.

The woman just frowned before she turned back. “Fine. Keep your secret bet, then,” she muttered.

Lexi kind of felt bad about it, but she did not have much time to beat herself up about it, as they soon stopped in the middle of the village. It was small, but busy, with all kinds of people milling about.

“Okay. Group talk. Huddle together,” Duran stopped and turned to them, inviting them all closer. “So, we agreed, that we will find shelter for the night if we can and see if the Chantry board or the people have any paying work for us. We’ll split up and meet at the inn. Who goes where?”

“I’ll pass on the work,” Lexi spoke up. “I need to buy some flasks and elfroot and brew healing potions for us. It will probably take me the rest of the day.”

“’Tis a good idea. I may be of some assistance with that,” Morrigan offered to help. Lexi welcomed it with open arms, giving the witch a nod and a smile.

They got a few frowns, though. “We will not leave you alone,” Aedan told them. “Anyone could mistake the two of you for apostates and that is the last thing we want.”

Lexi saw Morrigan roll her eyes at that, but she did not rebuke him. “I’ll stay with them,” Darrian offered. “I want to buy as many arrows as I can.”

“Buy some for me, too, while you’re at it,” Lyna told him as she handed him a few coins to cover the cost.

“Will do. So, we’ll get to the inn, see if they have any available rooms, which I highly doubt, but you can never know,” Darrian shrugged as he spoke, pocketing the coins, “and the rest of you look for work.”

“Okay. Get to work, then,” Duran sent them on their way, clapping his hands together, and spun around to approach the Chantry board that had a few postings on it.

Lexi in turn headed for the tavern, the location of which she knew already, since they had stayed there with Duncan on their way to Ostagar. Back then, it still had free rooms for weary travelers, but she had a feeling that would not be the same this time. She was right, as the inn was filled to the brim and some people just ached to cause trouble. Like the soldiers that were more than eager to test themselves against the wardens.

A lay sister from the Chantry tried to intervene on Lexi and Darrian’s behalf, but the soldiers were dead set on making an example out of the two. In an inn filled with innocent bystanders that screamed in terror the second the first sword was pulled from its scabbard. Lexi instantly regretted not bringing one of their warriors with, when she had to start defending herself with her staff, as most of her spells would have been too destructive inside the building and she had no wish to cause the death of an innocent. Luckily for them, the Chantry sister decided to help them out, skillfully wielding two blades at the same time. What was it with women in the Chantry ending up in fights lately? Were they not supposed to be timid and avoiding violence? First Lily, now this one… Times were changing, indeed…

The leader of the soldiers was left for last, and Lexi locked him into a barrier he could not break through when he began pleading for his life. “Now, listen to me, soldier, and listen well,” she told him. “Tuck your tail between your legs and run back to Loghain. The Wardens have a message for him. Tell him, that we know what really happened at Ostagar and we are coming to get him and his lackies to avenge the death of the king.” The man nodded busily, and as soon as the barrier was gone, he bolted, all but screaming.

“You know, you do scare me sometimes,” Darrian commented as he looked at her, earning a shrug.

She didn’t get to react, as the lay sister was right next to her, giving her a small smile. As if she did not just help them slaughter several men, whose blood covered her nearly from head to toe. She did not seem to be disgusted by it, though.

Leliana was her name, as she introduced herself, also asking for their permission to join them on their journey. She was supposedly given signs by the Maker himself, that she was to aid the Grey Wardens, but Lexi – the ever skeptical when it came to faith – was not entirely convinced about that. Visions were things that could be faked, and others would have no way of knowing. It was different with their dreams about the darkspawn; the wardens shared those, every single one, cutting some of their nights short.

She had no wish to make such a decision without the rest of her companions. “Well, the thing is, Leliana, the rest of our companions are out doing some odd jobs in the village. I do not think we should make such a decision without them,” she told the woman, right as the door swung open, revealing the rest of their group, their weapons already out and about.

Then the two groups just blinked at each other for a few quiet seconds, before the newcomers put their weapons away. “We leave you alone for two minutes. Two!” Aedan scolded them as he crossed his arms above his chest, all but demanding an explanation. He did not get one. “A soldier in soiled breeches was screaming about unhinged mages as he seemingly ran for his life,” he told them, looking at Morrigan.

The witch looked aghast at the accusation. “Me? Oh, no. ‘Twas your fellow warden that threatened the poor man.”

Lexi frowned when everyone looked at her. “I didn’t threaten him! I merely decided to use him as a messenger.”

“Dare I ask what the message was?” Alistair asked her.

“That we know what happened at Ostagar. And that we will have our vengeance. He was Loghain’s man, so…”

“Maker’s breath, Lexi!” Aedan reacted as he buried his face into his palm. “You just issued a threat to the most powerful man in Ferelden! That was probably the stupidest thing you’ve ever done!” he scolded her.

“You can still catch him, though, if you wish to stop him. He couldn’t have gotten far,” she tried to make her situation better, but the stern looks she was awarded made her avert her eyes in shame and just stare at her feet instead.

“It might not have been your brightest idea, but I must admit, that you got balls,” Duran tried to lift her spirits. He did not choose the best method, but the face he made as he walked up to her and nudged her with his elbow did make her smile.

“I think it was a good idea,” Lyna piped up, to Lexi’s surprise. The two of them rarely agreed on things. “Let the shem know what is coming for him. If he gets paranoid enough, he might start making mistakes that will make our job easier.”

Aedan sighed. “Perhaps you are right. Still. No more threats from the unhinged mage,” he sternly told her.

“I’m not unhinged! You know that!” she protested.

“Your friend had tried to avoid the fight,” Leliana took her side. “But the men were not interested in leaving in peace.”

“Who are you?” Natia asked her, her bushy brows furrowed as she looked the lay sister up and down.

“My name is Leliana, and I wish to join you on your journey. The Maker had shown me in a vision, that I am to help the Grey Wardens. That is you, no?” she asked them, despite knowing the answer.

The half of her companions that were not present for the fight shared some silent communication amongst themselves, so Lexi decided to speak. “She did help us against the soldiers. She can fight. Surprisingly well for a cloistered sister,” she turned to the woman, her voice suspicious.

The redhead just chuckled. “I was not born into the Chantry, you know. I had learnt some skills before I joined the cloister.”

“We already had Morrigan join us, so we might as well let her come along, too,” Duran proposed. The others seemed to agree, nodding their assent.

“Wonderful,” Leliana reacted, grinning at them widely.

“Eh, ‘scuse me,” a man interrupted their conversation. “Are you people done leaving corpses in my establishment? Please, dispose of them at once. This is a respectable business.”

“Sorry,” Lexi turned to him apologetically, then to the male members of her party. “Can you guys get rid of them?”

“Sure,” was Alistair’s reaction, but she could tell Aedan wanted to protest.

“Hey, see if they have any coin on them,” Natia told him. “And we could sell their weapons and armor,” she added, then shrugged when everyone whirled on her. “What? Seems like good quality and we need the coin.”

Aedan sighed again. He seemed to be done with it all. “Fine,” he pushed out as he approached one of the corpses. Alistair grabbed the other two. “Come along then, Natia. You seem to know what counts as valuable or not.”

Lexi waited for them and Natia to leave, the latter who only joined to go through their valuables. It made Lexi slightly uncomfortable, but she shook the feeling off as she turned to the innkeeper, who had already sauntered back to his counter.

“I don’t suppose you have any rooms available?” she asked him, earning a raised eyebrow.

“Does this look like I have free rooms?” he asked back, gesturing to the full tables.

“Just as we suspected,” Darrian murmured. “We should find a good place for a campsite, then,” he told her.

They were already about to leave, when a man they didn’t know spoke up. “Wait! You mages brew... things, right?” he asked Lexi. “Potions and stuff.”

“Yes. Why?”

“Well, you see, I’m in need of some poison to fend off the beasties from my farm. I’d pay ya well if you could bring me a few flasks of it. I’m a merchant. I might even sell the ingredients you would need.”

She frowned. “I’m mostly used to creating healing potions, but I can do it,” she agreed. “Let me see what you have for sale.”

The man had plenty of flasks and elfroot, so she ended up buying most of the stock, nearly spending all of her money. He did not have any venom she could have used, though, so they needed to get that from someone or somewhere else.

By the time she was done browsing, the warriors and the rogue returned, their pockets heavier. They also seemed to have found a good spot to set up camp if needed. They needed it, there was no question about that, so they raised their tents soon enough and set out to do some work. As Lexi and Morrigan worked on the healing potions, Leliana ran off somewhere, only to return with some venom for the poison they were hired to make. Lexi prepared to do it once the first batch of the potions were done. In the meantime, their friends were running errands back and forth, going from one place to another. They stopped by their camp once, asking her if she could make some poultices for the locals. She still had her hands full with the poison, so she was about to decline, but Leliana kindly offered to take over for her. She agreed, creating some health poultices that earned them some coin, as well as the poison did when it was done. Lexi did not even bother questioning where the lay sister learnt to make poisons.

The strangest thing to happen to them in Lothering ended up being yet another addition to their group. A giant of a man, horned and built like a bull. A qunari, that they released from his cage, recruiting him for their cause. Lexi had some serious reservations about letting him tag along, but kept her mouth shut and stared at the man. Sten, he called himself, and unlike Leliana, he was not a chatty individual.

They got both of them some armor and Sten a weapon to use by the end of the day, when they sat down around the campfire and got their plans in order. It had become a habit for them to count the coin they acquired, distribute it, and go over what they were going to do the next day.

Lexi had the last watch of the night, sharing it with Alistair, who, ever since Ostagar, had a sullen look to him whenever he wasn’t engaged in any conversation or otherwise occupied. Contemplating his navel, as Morrigan so aptly called it.

“How are you holding up?” she decided to ask him. It was the first time they were on watch together, and it was not a topic she wanted to discuss while trekking through the woods.

“Just swell,” he tried to brush her off, but she gave him a look above the fire, that had him sigh and poke the burning logs with a stick. “I still cannot make sense of it. Loghain had been one of King Maric’s most trusted allies. Trusted enough to raise him from common birth to be the Teynr of Gwaren and have Cailan marry his daughter. And yet he still betrayed the king. Why?” The betrayal did affect him deeply, only strengthening her suspicions about some sort of familial connection between Alistair and the king.

“We’ll find out,” she assured him.

He snorted. “Fat lot of good that will do. The king and Duncan will still be dead,” he muttered.

She had no comforting words for him, so she gave him none, just watched silently as he grieved. She could not imagine the loss he felt, and maybe that was for the best. Lexi had a feeling, that he was not going to open up about his feelings, but no matter how much she wished to help, she did not want to pry. And she did not get to, as she heard movement on the outside of their camp. Nothing more than hushed whispers that might even have been her imagination playing with her, had her fellow warden not hear it, as well. He was standing before she was, readying himself for a fight, and she quickly followed his example, standing with her staff in her hand. At the first sight of an arrow getting dangerously close to her, she pulled a barrier up to stop it, then headed to the direction it was loosed from, setting off a fireball, that harmed at least three people.

It also woke their slumbering friends, who were too slow and too groggy to be of any help. Creating a small orb of bright light on her staff, she used it to illuminate the area, revealing the positions of their attackers. Lexi sent another fireball to them, killing those that were already singed and joined Alistair as he dealt with the other half. She threw a bolt of lightning at the thugs, that jumped from one to the next, making the warrior’s job easier.

By the time their friends were ready to fight, their enemies were lying motionless on the ground. The only problem was, that Lexi could not see the archer amongst the bodies, and that was a fact she became painfully aware of when an arrow lodged itself into her shoulder, making her scream and stumble.

With this attack, the archer revealed himself and was promptly killed when an arrow and a bolt of lightning dealt with him. Neither were from her friends, so she looked around for the people that came to their aid.

“You missed one,” one of the men told them as he walked into the radius of the light, kicking one of the thugs with a boot.

“I never would have noticed,” she gritted out as she held her injured arm as her companions turned on the newcomers, ready to attack. The men and the woman threw their hands up to show they meant the wardens no harm, and Alistair was by her side while the rest stared the newcomers down. He was looking at the arrow with clear hesitation. “Just pull it out already,” she snapped at him to move. She could not heal herself while it was still in there.

“Right. It will hurt,” he warned her, as he gripped the arrow. She simply narrowed her eyes up at him to just get him to do it already, and cried out when he pulled it out with one swift motion. She cursed up a storm as she leant against him to prevent herself from collapsing as she prepared to heal herself, when someone had done it for her.

She looked at the newcomers, two of whom were mages. Apostates. “I could have done that,” she muttered as she gently pushed herself away from the warden and fully turned to the trio.

The man with the interesting face-paint and messy hair, the one that spoke before, just shrugged and gave her a smile. “Figured I should help a fellow apostate out, since she so kindly helped us deal with these scum we had been trying to free the village of for weeks now.” She took a few cautious steps towards them, Alistair following her just to be safe.

“I’m not an apostate. I’m a Circle mage,” she told them, to their visible surprise. From closer, she could tell, that they were siblings. They even looked somewhat similar to Lexi herself, with their blue eyes and black hair.

“Oh. Ehm...” he reacted hesitantly, turning to his sister.

“What are you doing out of the tower, then?” the warrior man asked.

“I’m a Grey Warden. We are Grey Wardens,” she corrected herself as she gestured at her tense, sleepy companions.

“Ah, we’ve heard about you, then,” the mage man reacted. “They say you betrayed the king.”

“You would do well not to believe everything you hear, apostate,” Aedan all but spat at him, and Rabbit growled at his feet.

“Garrett. The name is Garrett. And this is Bethany, and the baby is Carver,” he introduced his siblings, with Carver’s face twisting into a sneer. He got a wink from his brother.

Lexi saw Darrian yawn, barely being able to keep his bow steady. He had the previous watch with Natia, so they were even more exhausted. “Go back to sleep,” she told her friends. “Crisis averted, bad guys killed. Everyone’s fine,” she insisted as she rolled her shoulder. “Mostly fine,” she corrected herself as she stared at the torn fabric. “I’m running out of robes to wear,” she muttered.

“Why not wear armor then? It would protect you more,” Garrett told her as he gestured to his own attire.

“You are a man, so you are stronger than me. Even as a fellow mage,” she pointed it out.

“Fair enough,” he agreed.

“I hate to cut this short, but we should be getting home, now that these assholes are dead. Mother is going to kill us,” Bethany spoke up for the first time.

“Shit. Right. Right. Ehm... Safe journey, wardens,” Garrett told them as he turned around.

“Garrett,” she called after him. “Do yourselves a favor and get out of Lothering as quickly as you can. Once the darkspawn arrive, you will have no chance to run. And they are already close.”

“Understood. Thanks for the warning...ehm... I didn’t catch your name.”

“That’s because I did not give you one,” she smiled at him. “But it’s Lexi.”

“Well, thanks then, Lexi,” he said, returning the smile, and walked off with his siblings.

“Ugh, finally. Let’s just sleep,” Duran murmured as he all but threw his weapon and shield away and crawled back into his tent. The others followed suit soon enough and Lexi dimmed the light she was keeping lit on her staff, and approached the dead men, rifling through their pockets the same way Natia did. She instantly frowned at herself.

“What is it?” Alistair asked her as he saw her face.

“Natia’s habits are rubbing off on me, and I’m not entirely sure that is a good thing,” she admitted, pulling her hand free of the dead man’s pocket.

“Hey, look at it this way: these are dead thugs that got dead because they attacked us and we are taking their coins because we need it for important stuff. We are taking it for a good cause.”

She thought about it for a moment. “That makes sense.” She grinned at him for putting her mind at ease. “Thanks, Alistair.”

She promptly returned to stripping the men of their valuables while the other warden disposed of the bodies one by one, until one remained.

“Are you sure, that you don’t want to try some armor?” he asked her, tugging on the dead bandit’s arm.

“I have a spell that can protect me more than armor, I just keep forgetting to cast it,” she admitted. “And honestly, I did not expect to be attacked in the middle of the night at camp.”

“Don’t forget it again, then. If an arrow gets your heart, we would be able to do nothing for you.”

“To be real, that’s true of all of you,” she remarked, earning a frown from the man as he lifted the last body to take it away.

He was absent for a few minutes, and during that time, she took her position by the fire again. She couldn’t help but wonder about the apostates they met. They were mages and yet remained with their family. That must have been nice.

“You look sad,” he remarked a minute after he sat.

“I am. I’m just thinking about our most recent acquaintances. Two of them mages, yet allowed to stay with their family. With their mother and siblings. It must be nice, growing up amongst family,” she answered wistfully as she stared into the dancing flames.

“Did you know yours at all? You mentioned that you were five when you joined the Circle.”

“I don’t have many memories of them anymore, sadly. The details got blurred along the years, then disappeared altogether. I know the names of my siblings and the fact that they are all mages, and that’s it. I know that I’m from the vicinity of Kirkwall. If Duncan was right about that.”

“Yeah, you mentioned that before. You being from a prominent family. Yet you did not introduce yourself with your full name.”

She smiled at him, shrugging. “Only because it’s not important. For the others, their names hold significance, prestige, reputation. I’m just a mage. Mine doesn’t matter at all.”

“Of course, it matters,” he rebuked her. “It is a part of you the same way your family is.”

“That is exactly it, Alistair. That it is not. My family is gone. I don’t know the name of the village I’m from, don’t remember anything of my father, and for all I know, any of my siblings could have failed their Harrowings and become abominations or have been made Tranquil, or died any other way. The point is, I have absolutely no way of knowing. As if they don’t even exist. So why should I tell anyone my family name when I don’t actually belong to one? The others… they have family, or had family they grew up around. Those connections matter. Mine doesn’t.”

“What if I said, that it matters to us?” he asked her, his head slightly cocked to the right, earning a raised eyebrow.

“Why would it? You don’t hear me asking for yours. You didn’t tell us, either,” she pointed it out, earning a frown.

He poked the fire again, then placed another log on top to keep feeding it. “That is because I don’t have one. I’m just a bastard.” He sounded somewhat sour about that.

“So, you don’t have any family?”

“I do. I mean, I don’t. Not really. Uh, it’s complicated.” He almost sounded confused by it, so she wasn’t sure, that asking further questions about it would get her any results.

But she was curious, so… “How is it complicated?” she ended up asking.

“It’s… I’ll… I’ll tell you all later, okay? I need time to think of a good way to say it.”

That answer did not sate her curiosity one bit, but she decided not to pry further. He’ll tell them when he is ready. She just wondered when that would be. Even days later, when they were nearing Redcliffe village, he avoided bringing up the topic.

Chapter Text

The Wardens wasted no more time in Lothering, as they had done the available jobs, scraping together as much coin as they could. Even more refugees arrived by the break of dawn, to the annoyance of the locals, that mostly just wanted them all gone, and their village left in peace. The Wardens did their best to get word out about the approach of the darkspawn horde without mentioning the fact, that they were of the Order. It was not good luck to be identified as someone that was named a traitor. By the real traitor himself.

They did not see the three siblings again as they did one last supply run to stock up on provisions for their journey to Redcliffe, but met two dwarves as they were leaving, under attack by darkspawn. They were way too close to Lothering already. The people needed to mobilize quickly if they wanted to live.

But they had already issued their warning and there was nothing else to be done, sadly. They could only hope, that the locals would do the logical thing and abandon their village in favor of a better future.

The dwarves happened to be a father-son duo, traders of all knick-knacks. Seeing the size of their group, they were willing to join them on their journey. Up until the point they revealed, that they were Grey Wardens. That happened to mean too much trouble for Bodahn, so after a quick browsing of their goods, they went their separate ways.

It took them a few days to get to the outskirts of Redcliffe village. The Hinterlands was a green, lush place, filled with all sorts of animals. Lucky for them, it also had plenty of clean streams they could fill their waterskins at and could also bathe. One thing that Lexi missed desperately from the Tower was the ability to have hot baths. Every day, if she wanted. But on the road… They needed to make do with what they had. And most of the time it was cold water that had her skin prickling. At least until she realized that she was a mage and could easily warm the water up.

Emboldened by that idea, on the last night of camping before reaching Redcliffe village, Lexi broke off from her companions and found herself a small pond that was deep enough that she could sit and still be mostly covered. Some of her friends had no qualms about being naked or almost naked around people they still barely knew, but she still valued her privacy, so she did not tell anyone where she would be going.

Shedding her clothes after a long day of non-stop walking was a relief she needed. The water warming up and loosening her strained muscles was otherworldly. She never thought she could be brought close to tears by a simple hot bath after a few weeks of not getting one. All of her limbs ached. She grew up in a tower, she was not used to needing to walk all day.

She had her peace and quiet for nearly half an hour. The water was pleasantly warm by that time, so she was relaxing comfortably, her back against a stone, her gaze on the stars, trying to connect them and make out the constellations, when she heard movement.

“Found her!” Leliana called out to the others. “Oh, she found a hot spring!” She sounded overjoyed at the premise of a hot bath. There went Lexi’s peace and quiet.

“And you wouldn’t let us know?” came Natia’s aghast voice.

“I didn’t find it. I made it hot with magic,” she informed them, then flinched, when the dwarf all but jumped into the water after shedding her clothes in record time.

“Mhm, yes. This is what I needed,” she let Lexi know as she relaxed. It did not take Leliana long to join them, also making a satisfied sound as she eased herself into the water.

“They are going to come looking for us, too,” the bard pointed it out, her voice sounding sleepy.

“Let them,” Natia reacted negligently. She was already enjoying herself way too much to care about the others. “Lexi, have you been told, that you are a genius?” she asked the mage after a few quiet minutes, earning a chuckle.

“No, but thank you. I admit I do have my moments,” she boasted, smiling at the dwarven woman. They left the torch they brought with themselves just close enough for the three of them to be able to see each other if they wanted to. “Shouldn’t we at least yell to let them know where we are, though? It is completely dark now.”

As if hearing her relatively quiet question, even more hurried footsteps approached them, then something heavy was impacting in the water, splashing them all. It was Rabbit, as he jumped in to join the relaxing ladies. Lexi was the first person the mabari spotted, so she was the one he swam up to and began slobbering her face with his wet tongue.

She couldn’t help but laugh at the war dog’s action as she tried to pull away from his reach. He followed her. “Aedan!” she called out to the nobleman, knowing that he was not far. “Call your war dog back, please,” she begged him, trying not to continue laughing.

“Why would I do that?” he asked her, then went, “Oh, I see,” grinning down at the three soaking ladies and the busy mabari. He whistled to Rabbit, who seemed almost sad about being called back by his human. “And just why are you ladies hogging the only warm spring in this entire area for yourselves, huh?”

“It would be cold, like all the others,” Lexi informed him. “I’m making it hot.”

“Yes, you are,” he absent-mindedly told her, then quickly cleared his throat. “I meant to say that it’s impressive. I’ll… let the other ladies know what you are up to, in case they wanted to join you. I don’t suppose you would be amenable to doing the same for us men after you are done soaking?”

She shrugged. “Sure. I’ll climb out and keep a foot in the water. I need to be in contact with it to be able to maintain it.”

“Yeah, that’s okay by me. Let us know when you are ready to switch.”

“Will do,” she assured him, then shut her eyes and sagged back against the rock. Then remembered that her face was covered in saliva, so she washed it off quickly, then let her hair down, soaking it completely. Perhaps it would have been best if she cut it for practicality, but she liked it the way it was.

Lyna and Morrigan arrived in a few minutes, and Lexi noted, that even the witch seemed to be satisfied to be able to soak the grime off in a warm bath instead of a cold one. Natia had fallen asleep by then and was snoring so loudly she was sure to be keeping all nighttime predators away. The rest of the women didn’t want to wake her, so they kept silent, until the dwarven woman moved in her slumber and slipped into the water, submerging herself completely. She woke sputtering and was standing in no time, muttering one curse after another, as the rest laughed at her.

“Ugh. That’s enough soaking for me,” she told them as she climbed out.

“Yes, I think we should all climb out and let the men take over,” Leliana agreed, and followed her example. Reluctantly, but the other two followed soon, leaving Lexi soaking still.

Once they were all gone, she climbed out and dressed, then sat down by the pond, leaving a foot in the water. She was churning water out of her hair when the men arrived, barring Sten, who for whatever reason decided he did not need a hot bath. Or maybe it was not manly enough in the qun, or something akin to that. Lexi didn’t know. She did not understand much when it came to the man himself or his people.

“You may get in the water. My eyes are closed, in case any of you are worried about me seeing something I should not,” she told them as she closed her eyes and continued wringing her hair.

“I thought you would stay in the water,” Aedan told her with a pondering voice.

“I am as wrinkly as an old person already. And I told you that I would climb out,” she reminded him.

“I know, I know. I just…” he trailed off. She furrowed her brows as she stopped what she was doing and looked towards the direction of his voice, expecting him to finish his thought. He did not. “Never mind,” he added instead as he undressed.

“Thanks for doing this, Lexi,” she heard from her left. It was Darrian.

“You are welcome,” she told him and threw herself onto her back, getting herself comfortable. She only opened her eyes when they were already in the water. She smiled to herself when she heard the satisfied groans. “Let me know if you want it hotter or colder.”

“I think this is the perfect temperature,” Duran told her.

“Alright.”

Much like the ladies before them, the men chose to stay silent, as well. Only this silence, it felt awkward for her. Maybe because she was near four naked men and a mabari that decided to snuggle up close to her while his human was soaking in the pond. She took to petting him with one hand, helping him fall asleep next to her, content.

She was in the middle of recounting everything she knew about the constellation called Draconis after connecting the stars in her mind, when she heard Aedan clear his throat, signaling the end of the silence.

“So, Lexi, care to tell us what the women gossiped about while they were soaking in here?” he asked her.

“I don’t know what topic you would expect as an answer for that question, but I cannot give it. Natia fell asleep pretty early on, and we did not have the heart to wake her, so we soaked in silence.”

“Uh, boring,” he commented, earning a chuckle from her.

“Not like you had been much more talkative. Or is it because I’m here? Are you afraid of me overhearing some manly topics that have no business being heard by a woman?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Duran murmured. “We were about to compare sizes.”

Lexi could feel her face heat up. She couldn’t tell if he was messing with her or not. He had a weird sense of humor, that man. “Oh, ehm, well, why do you need to speak to do that?”

Darrian barked out a laugh. “She got you with that one,” he told the dwarf. At least, she presumed. “Don’t worry, Lexi, you will not need to hear such a conversation.”

“Well, that is certainly a relief. There are some things better left for the imagination.”

“Oh, so you are imagining us naked right now?” the dwarf asked her, clearly amused.

“I am now, since you brought such a topic up! Thanks for that, Duran!” she reacted as she covered her face with her free hand.

“And who do you think is the biggest?” Aedan joined the impromptu interrogation.

“Maker, help me,” she muttered. “I’m not having this discussion with you or if you insist, then you can say goodbye to your warm bath,” she threatened them and lifted her foot out of the water. “I could just leave you all in there to freeze your parts off. Then you wouldn’t get to compare sizes, for you would have nothing left to compare.”

“Okay, you made your point,” Alistair conceded, and one of them moved, disturbing the water. A large hand soon closed around her ankle. “Please put that back into the water.” She assumed it was him that was tugging on her leg.

“You do realize, that just because I put it back, it will not necessarily maintain the temperature, right? I need to will my magic to maintain it.”

“Please?” he pleaded with her. She knew that if she looked at him, she would see him giving her his best puppy imitation.

“Ugh. Fine,” she agreed as she restarted the spell. “But choose a different topic, for crying out loud. Or better yet, stay silent. It’s been a long day.”

“Someone’s cranky,” the senior warden reacted and she grunted at him.

All this topic had done was remind her of the one and only person she actually fantasized about. She had been wondering for the better half of a year about what might be under all that armor Cullen wore. She had seen him without any armor only once, after the incident with Neria, and never again.

“The topic reminded me of something I would rather not think about, is all,” she confessed with a small voice. “Someone,” she added, even quieter.

“Oh, right. Your lover at the Circle,” Duran figured it out quickly.

She didn’t know how to react to it. Cullen wasn’t her lover, but it was obvious to her, that he shared her feelings. At least if their last kiss was anything to go by.

“You never mentioned,” Aedan rejoined the conversation.

She scoffed. “Why would I? And no, he wasn’t a lover. We never... We only kissed, and only twice. On my birthday a few weeks ago, and the day Duncan dragged me off to Ostagar, as a farewell. But nothing else would have happened, anyways. I know that. He knows it, too. Templar and mage do not go well together.”

“He is a templar?!” Darrian’s astonished question nearly made her smile. Nearly.

“Indeed. And the kindest person I know.” She sighed, suddenly feeling so exhausted mentally. Maker, she missed him so much. “Can we drop this conversation, please? I have no wish to keep picking at the scabs of not yet healed wounds, even if those are only mental.”

“Look on the bright side, Lexi. You’ll see him again soon,” Aedan tried to get her into a better mood.

“Right. And leave him for a second time,” was her deadpan reaction.

“We’ve been picking up some additional help along the way. You could ask him if he wanted to join,” Alistair offered a solution to her problem.

She shook her head, her mood turning even more sour. “He wouldn’t. It was his dream ever since he was a child to join the order and he is a model templar. No matter how much it might hurt him, he would never choose me over his duty. He would never choose a mage.”

“Then why are you even bothering with the man?” Duran asked her.

“Like I had any control over my feelings!” she snapped at him, regretting it immediately. “He is the first person that ever wanted to spend time with me because of me. Not because he wanted something from me; help with this or that, no. Because he genuinely enjoyed my company and was kind to me. I did not have many people being kind to me.”

“That’s hard to believe,” Darrian told her.

“Is it, though? To my fellow apprentices, I was always the teacher’s pet, that got special attention and education from the leader of the Circle. They resented me when I was a child, already better than them at many spells, then started asking for my advice, for my help as we grew older. Two years ago, one of the apprentices even attempted to drown me in Lake Calenhad, then cornered me and a group of children I was helping in the library and almost killed me when she released a devastating spell. All because she didn’t need the competition and wanted to be the strongest of the apprentices. Ironically, her Harrowing would have been that same day, unbeknownst to her. Instead, they had performed the Rite of Tranquility on her.”

“You had no friends?” Alistair asked her, saddened.

“I did. I think. I met the first when I was seven and he eleven. I helped him with a spell he had troubles with, then kept helping him whenever he needed my assistance. Even he was resentful of me for how much easier I took to our arcane studies. And when he realized just how hopeless he was with magic, he became a blood mage to compensate for the power he did not have. And I did not even notice. Now, he is loose and out of the tower because of me and my stupidity. At least he is not malicious,” she added, her voice weak. Even she didn’t know if she believed it.

“Yet,” Alistair added what she was afraid to even think.

“Yet,” she repeated after him. “There was another mage, who was close to a friend, but not really. He sometimes, when he wasn’t plotting his next escape attempt from the tower, joined me in the library for studying, never really needing my help. Now, that I’m thinking about it, he might have been closer to being a real friend than the blood mage was. And there was also Neria, the elf that got the Rite for nearly killing me. We started building a friendship when she got to the tower, but she quickly got it into her head, that she wanted to be the best, even if that meant needing to get rid of me permanently. There was also an older templar, who was kind to me ever since I was a child, but he was forced into retirement about a year ago. Lyrium-use caught up with him. That reminds me. Alistair, how far were you in your studies? Did you start taking it?”

“No, luckily, I did not get that far. But I heard the stories,” he answered.

“Good, that is a relief,” she reacted. Then got to thinking. He could use templar abilities even without Lyrium? Then why did the Chantry insist on making the templars addicted to the substance in the first place? To keep them in line? To shackle them to their order? It is rumored to be almost impossible to get rid of the addiction. It would sooner drive the templar mad.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” the former templar in training scoffed. “I’m glad that I don’t need to worry about that, at least. The darkspawn are more than enough for me.”

“You are lucky Duncan got you out in time.”

“I know. But it might not be too late for your templar, either,” he tried to lift her spirits. “If he is about our age, then he might not be completely hooked on it.”

“I think he is a year older than me, so you might be right. But it doesn’t matter. He will never leave the order, like I said before.” She sighed. “Joining the Wardens, we all had to make one sacrifice or another. He was mine. I lost him the moment I left Kinloch Hold behind and there is no point agonizing over it any longer. So please, can we stop with this conversation already? It turned way too personal for my liking.”

A series of “Of courses” and “Okays” were her answer, and she sighed again. She thanked the Maker that they spent the remainder of their soaking in silence.

As soon as they decided they had enough, her foot was out and she was making her way back to camp on her own. She didn’t have a watch scheduled for that night, so she retired to her tent immediately. She tried her best to fall asleep quickly, but her mind would not let her rest so easily, pulling her memories of Cullen into the forefront one after another. She was certain she cried in her sleep, because the fabric underneath her face was wet the next morning.

Chapter Text

Lexi remained in a cranky mood all morning, and it did not escape the notice of her companions. The men shot her apologetic looks and the women gave her odd ones, not understanding what brought it forth. By the end of the day, as they were closing in on Redcliffe village, her mood was getting gradually better. Perhaps as a result of the nice sunny weather they had all day, or the fact, that they would arrive to civilization soon instead of having only each other for company.

The sun was far from dipping below the horizon when they arrived to the outskirts of the village. They still had a few hours of sunlight left and that was plenty of time to trek down the road and get to the village. She had noted during their approach that there did not seem to be much movement on the fields surrounding the road, and she had no clue as to why. It wasn’t that late, and farmers should still have been out there, tending to their crops and animals. Come to think of it, she didn’t see farm animals, either.

Alistair had been the one to take point, as he was the one with the knowledge about the area, and he stopped soon enough, nervously turning back to them.

“Okay, okay. We need to talk. All of us,” he began, slurring his words. “So, I never told you how I know the Arl. Well, the thing is, I grew up in the castle because I’m a bastard. Of a servant woman of Redcliffe castle and... King Maric. The Arl took me in and raised me before he was forced to send me to the Chantry. So, that makes him my uncle, of sorts, I guess.” They could barely understand his words, he was talking so fast, just needing to get this information out there as quickly as possible. “And I’m sort of the... half-brother of King Cailan, also. So... Yeah, there you have it. I’m sorry for not saying anything sooner, but I didn’t know how to say what I needed to say and...” He trailed off, obviously waiting for a vocal reaction. But they were all just staring at him mutely, making him seem more and more desperate.

At least until Lexi grinned and walked up to Aedan, holding her palm up for him. “Pay up, Cousland,” she told him, her grin widening upon seeing his narrowing eyes.

“Damn. I was sure, that you would be wrong,” he reacted as he handed her five sovereigns.

“Pleasure doing business with you.” Her grin was frozen on her face as she pocketed the coins and found everyone staring at the two of them the next time she looked up. “What?”

“You knew?!” Alistair all but shrieked at her.

“I suspected. Have you ever looked in a mirror, Alistair? You look like king Cailan, minus like five years and a full beard. I’m honestly surprised, that I was the only one that got caught up on that fact.”

“So that’s what your wager was about,” Natia commented, looking back and forth between Aedan and Lexi. “You’re not going to get your kiss, then,” she told Aedan, who just shrugged.

“Maybe that is for the best. I was out of line, asking for something like that,” the man reacted, sending Lexi an apologetic look. She had a feeling he would not be apologizing if he did not learn what he had learnt the previous night.

Alistair continued looking at her as if she grew another head, so she raised an eyebrow at him. “Honestly, I thought that you were a cousin. If certain traits are strong in a bloodline, then even cousins might look eerily alike. You do realize, that it makes you the sole heir for Ferelden’s throne, though, right?”

He paled at that revelation. “No. No, it doesn’t. I hope not,” he quickly added.

“It does,” Aedan conceded. “Since the queen had no child with the king and the Mac Tirs are not actually a noble family, even you as a bastard have stronger claim than she does.”

“No, no. I refuse to hear about such nonsense,” Alistair told him as he childishly stuffed his fingers into his ears to stop himself from listening. “I’m not listening. I’m not listening,” he kept repeating himself, to the annoyance of his companions.

Lexi was the one that got fed up with his own nonsense, so she walked up to him and yanked his arms away from his head. She had just realized, that despite it being the right time of day for people to be busy, the village was eerily empty. So were the farms as they approached. “Alistair!” she scolded him. “Stop freaking out about this and start freaking out about Redcliffe!”

“Hmm?” was his only reaction as he glanced down at the empty village, his brows furrowed.

“There is something fishy going on down there and it is not the fish they caught in the lake,” she insisted, to his confusion. “The sun is still high up, yet there are no people outside. Absolutely none. People should still be out working the fields at this hour, yet we’ve met none during our approach. Why is that?”

“That is strange,” he agreed. “Let’s move, then.” Despite saying that, he stayed in one place.

Everyone expected him to keep leading the group, but it seemed like he wasn’t going to. Then she realized, that she was still holding on to his forearms, so she let go and moved past him. It didn’t matter who was walking first, and they did not have time to waste. He did catch up to her, though, so she did not understand his previous hesitation.

“You’re not mad at me, right?” he asked her in a low voice, only for her to hear.

She assumed he meant all of them. “Why would we be mad at you?” She genuinely did not understand.

“For not telling you sooner about... you know.”

“I don’t know about the others, but I don’t care,” she admitted. “You are a good man. Sometimes annoying and childish--”

“Hey!” he interjected, sounding hurt by her admission. She shot him a look.

“--but a good man nonetheless,” she finished the thought. “I care not about who your father was. Yes, you might be the heir to the throne, and I will support you whether you wish to claim it or not. With some guidance from some older, wiser people you can trust, you would make a great king.”

“I would?”

“Of course. You don’t show it, but you are learnt, you have military training, you are courageous, and as a Warden you wish to protect commoners and nobles alike. You would hear all their problems and try to solve them to the best of your abilities, and the common folk would end up revering you for it. It’s the nobility that you would have problems with. You have no sense for politics. Or the patience it requires,” she gave him her honest opinion.

“I don’t want to be king,” he admitted petulantly, frowning.

“Then don’t be.” She shrugged. “It is only a possibility, not set into stone. I’m guessing that Arl Eamon would be able to tell us more of the political situation of Ferelden. Might be King Maric has another bastard stowed away somewhere safe.”

“You’re right. No sense of worrying about it now, when we have bigger problems we need to deal with. Thanks, Lexi. I think I needed to hear this.”

“Any time you need to talk, I’m here,” she assured him. “I know, that this is not easy for you. That is why I asked in Lothering, when we were keeping watch, if you were okay. I got the sense that you had no wish to talk about what happened, so I stopped prying. I figured you would talk when you were ready. If not to me, then to someone else from the group. Maybe see if Arl Eamon would be amenable to listening. He is the closest thing you have to a family, after all. Even though, technically you are not related at all,” she added as an afterthought as she realized.

He snorted. “Yes, I know. The people in Redcliffe do believe me to be his bastard, though. Only a few people know the truth.”

“Did Duncan know?”

“He did. That’s why he was so insistent on leaving me out of the fighting. I should have been there with him,” he grumbled barely audibly.

“Then you would have died with him, Alistair.”

“They didn’t die,” he pointed it out as he gestured behind themselves with a finger.

She rolled her eyes. “Then perhaps we might have died without you at the tower. Who knows?”

“You wouldn’t have. That team had you.”

She furrowed her brows at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you would have protected them the same way you protected us. That’s why I keep insisting that you take the leadership role. Because it was you that Duncan told to keep us safe and keep us on track and that is what you are doing, whether you realize it or not. Even now, you are at the front.”

She placed her hands on her hips. “Well, so are you!” she insisted.

“Only because I don’t want to leave you all alone.”

“If all you’re going to do is go on my nerves, then you might as well,” she retorted, and he theatrically placed a hand over his heart in turn as he gaped at her, aghast.

“The nerve!” She narrowed her eyes at him, earning a laugh. “Okay, I’ll stop. Don’t murder me with those brilliant blue eyes of yours.”

She scoffed as she looked away from him to focus on not falling on her butt as she walked. The road down to the village was quite steep in some places and she had no wish to make a laughingstock out of herself because of one incident or another.

It only took them a few more minutes to get to the closest building, and finally met the first local by a bridge. He sounded almost frantic as he ran up to them, rambling on about finally meeting some travelers that were there to help them. It instantly alarmed the Wardens, so they began questioning the man. Turned out, that Arl Eamon fell ill a few weeks before their arrival and could have been dead already, for all the villagers knew. They had been under attack every night for nearly as long, and people had been fighting the monsters that come out of the castle. The man could not tell them what exactly those monsters were, only that they had killed many that raised their arms to defend the village. He offered to take them to Bann Teagan, who was the closest person they had to authority, leading what remained of the village. They agreed to help, naturally, and followed the man to the local Chantry.

The entire settlement seemed vacated even more so than before, only by then they knew the reason. The signs of the previous fights were still present; bloodstains on the ground, unusable arrows stuck in wooden fences, discarded, broken weapons lying about. It was a depressing sight, especially on the inside of the Chantry, as the survivors were banded inside, visibly exhausted and huddled together for comfort. Some were praying, others were crying for their lost loved ones and seeking the parents that lived no longer. Lexi wished she could have eased their suffering somehow, but all they could do was find a way to stop the attacks for good.

The villager took them to Bann Teagan, who seemed as exhausted as the rest of them. Only he needed to stay strong for all of them and was not allowed to break down into a sobbing mess. The strain was definitely showing on him, though. He not only had the village to worry about, but his brother, too. He did seem overjoyed to recognize Alistair, though, and the fact that he survived Ostagar. It gave Lexi hope, that he did not believe the lies Loghain spread about the wardens. If he could see it for the lie it was, then perhaps other nobles did, as well.

He informed them that no one heard from the castle, nor did they see any patrols on the walls anymore. It was completely devoid of all life, and it devastated the man. The Bann could not identify the monsters they had been facing each night for the past few days, but he compared them to walking dead. Mindless, reanimated corpses with a hunger for flesh.

That explained the lack of patrols on the walls of the castle, as people needed to die to become walking corpses, but Lexi decided not to tell him that.

He did end up asking for their help in defending the people and unsurprisingly, they all ended up agreeing to it within a heartbeat. The Wardens did, at least. Morrigan and Sten were less keen on helping these common folk, but they did not argue with the rest of them, seeing that they were the minority. Since they had quite a few preparations that needed to be made, they split their group into two to make their job faster. One half working with the mayor, Murdock, the other with Ser Perth, one of Arl Eamon’s knights.

Lexi chose to speak with the mayor, with Aedan, Rabbit, Lyna, Sten and Morrigan tagging along. On their way out, they were stopped by a young woman, who couldn’t have been older than Lexi herself. The girl pleaded with them to try and find her brother that ran off, and Lexi did not have the heart to say no to her. She was confident that they would be able to find the boy, as the village was not that large.

People were practicing their marksmanship when they stepped outside, and she heard Lyna scoff at how bad they were. Lexi agreed. They probably would have had more chances with swords, but she was no expert, so she refrained from commenting.

Murdock did not exactly endear himself to her, with how his first comment was his surprise upon seeing that there were women in the ranks of the Wardens. It did not take her long to realize, that he did not mean to offend them with his words, he merely did not realize how they sounded to her. She did not feel the need to point out and just got to asking what he needed. He wanted the old blacksmith to just get to work and repair their arms and armor, but given that they barely had two hours left until nightfall, she didn’t know how much help the man could provide in such little time. When asked why he refused to work, Murdock informed them, that the blacksmith was worried about his daughter, who was a maid in the castle. He hadn’t heard anything from her and refused to lift a finger to help the village until they decided to storm the castle and look for the girl. Unrealistic expectations that got him nowhere.

Murdock also pointed it out that they needed more men to fight, and he had one particular individual in mind. A dwarf trader named Dwyn, who locked himself into his home and refused to engage with the rest of the village. He was supposed to be a decent fighter that would be worth recruiting.

To save time, they split once more, with Lexi remaining with Morrigan and Sten while the others looked for the smith. They entered the first home by the water, surprised to find the door unlocked, as she figured if this was the trader’s home and he wanted nothing to do with anyone, he would have surely locked the door as tightly as he could, with as many locks he had. She was about to turn back around to leave, when she heard movement from the room nearby. From the large wardrobe, to be precise.

“Something moved,” Sten warned her unnecessarily, as she was already aware of the fact. She approached the object as quietly as she could, but when she stepped on a creaky floorboard, she heard a sharp intake of breath.

Someone was clearly inside it, so she called out to this person. The voice of a child demanded they leave, for they were intruding in his home. Then she remembered. He must have been Bevin, the boy the young woman was looking for. He confirmed it for her when asked, then asked her not to drag him back to the Chantry, because he hated that place. He was going to fight the undead instead, he said… while hiding in the wardrobe. He did realize, how that made no sense, so he did step out, trusting them not to harm him. They didn’t, of course. Lexi convinced him that his sister needed him more than the rest of the fighters needed another, so he ran off to join his sister soon enough.

“Should have let him fight. He will not become a warrior if not tested in battle,” the qunari spoke when the child was gone.

“He will not become a warrior if he dies, either,” she countered him as she exited the small house and continued looking for Gwyn.

They found the abandoned trading post, with not much else but barrels full of oil remaining, but there was no sign of its owner, so they approached yet another house. She knocked, but she got no response. Since this was the last house near the water, she did not give up.

“I can keep banging on that door until I get some signs of life!” she loudly warned whoever might have been on the other side of the door.

“Go away!” a man told her.

“Are you Gwyn? Mayor Murdock sent me to ask for your help defending the village in the next attack! Mind opening the door so that I don’t have to keep shouting?” she asked him.

“I don’t care! Go away!” he shouted.

It was time for her to change tactics, then. “Listen, Gwyn, I have a very large, very angry qunari with me! Trust me, you do not want to piss him off even more than he already is! He looks about ready to kick your door in and I’m not certain that I would be able to stop him if he decided to do that!”

“Right! Nice try!”

Sten groaned behind her, walked next to her and started growling like a feral dog, then speaking in a language that was so alien to her. It was fascinating, to be honest.

“Alright, alright,” she soon heard from behind the door as it was unlocked.

“Now, was that so hard?” she asked the dwarf that opened it for them.

She had no wish to enter, though, but Sten evidently had other ideas. Maybe he got a little too into his role of a furious brute, because he was muttering “Asala,” one second and pushing past the man the next, heading towards a large sword that was placed on a table.

“Um, Sten?” Lexi called out to her companion as he grabbed the sword almost reverently.

“This is my sword, Asala. I lost it in the confusion weeks ago. How did you come across it, dwarf?” he asked the man as he discarded his other greatsword and claimed that for his own.

“Now, hold on a second! I paid for that sword!” Gwyn protested.

“It is mine,” Sten grumbled, making the two guards tense next to him.

“Oookay, Sten, let us not start a fight,” she tried to placate the man that looked at the others with growing contempt. “How much for the sword?”

The dwarf thought about it for a few seconds, sizing the three of them up. He must have come to the conclusion that they did not have much gold, because he ended up saying, “Five sovereigns and the other sword stays.”

“Deal,” Lexi assured him, giving him the coins without bothering to try and lower the amount. Sten was too busy with his newly reacquired sword to show her any kind of gratitude. Not that she could have expected it from him, anyways. She was sad to see her winnings go so quickly. “Now, for the real reason we are here, Gwyn. We heard about the troubles the village had been facing and we would like to enlist your help in the upcoming fight.”

“Nah, I’m fine here,” he insisted.

“You don’t want to anger the large qunari, do you, Gwyn?” she asked him, directing his gaze to Sten, who looked as intimidating as someone can, with his dark violet gaze on the dwarf as he walked outside. The trader gulped loudly, his confidence leaving him completely.

“F-fine,” he agreed. “If you need my help so badly, then I’ll fight.”

“Thank you!” She tried giving him her most charming smile and was rewarded with the door shutting in her face. “Rude,” she murmured, earning an amused chuckle from Morrigan.

“’Tis the second time I witness you intimidate someone successfully. It would seem you have an unusual talent for it,” the witch remarked.

“Sten did the intimidating with his presence alone, I merely supplied the words,” Lexi insisted.

“Ah, but ‘twas you that said the thinly veiled threat,” Morrigan told her in turn as they started making their way back to Murdock.

Her fellow wardens were there already, with the second half leaving the Chantry again. Lexi suspected to report back to Ser Perth near the windmill.

The old smith could already be heard working, so she presumed Aedan and Lyna managed to convince him to help out.

“Gwyn agreed to fight,” she informed them.

“Excellent. Now we only need to wait for the assault,” the mayor reacted, absent-mindedly twirling his impressive moustache between his fingers.

While they waited for their companions, Lyna walked up to the archers and gave them some advice on holding a bow better than they were and Aedan discussed Sten’s new sword, listening to the qunari detail what made it so significant for him. Lexi gave up listening and instead entered the Chantry building to check on the young boy and his sister, and found them embracing near the door. The girl noticed her and reached out towards Lexi with a trembling hand, holding some coins.

“Thank you!” the young woman began, trying to give her the coins.

Lexi just smiled at her. “Keep it. We didn’t do it for the money.”

“Thank you,” Kaitlynn repeated herself and pocketed the coin.

Unknowingly to Lexi, the Bann saw this exchange, then called out to her. “Warden,” he began, getting her attention. “How are things in the village?” he asked once she had walked up to him.

“People are training in the yard, the blacksmith agreed to work and the dwarven trader, Gwyn agreed to help in the fight. I don’t know what the other half of my people are doing for Ser Perth at the moment.”

“Setting some traps,” came the answer in an Orlesian voice, Leliana walking towards her. “We have some ideas, but could use your opinion, Lexi,” she informed her.

“I know nothing about traps.”

“It is not about the traps themselves, but how to set them off with magic,” the bard explained.

“Oh, I see. Let’s go, then.” She nodded apologetically at the Bann, who simply smiled at her, then followed Leliana out of the Chantry. Her allies were already gathered around the mayor, loudly discussing the possible placements of the traps, taking into account the locations the undead had attacked from before.

“We are here,” the bard let their companions know.

“So, Morrigan told us that you found a few barrels of oil in the trading post,” Duran began detailing their plans to Lexi. “We’ve been thinking, that we could create some traps that the two of you could trigger up at the mill and there.” He pointed at a nearby place. “The oil would then burn the walking dead and thin their numbers significantly.” Lexi did not think it wise, so she frowned. “Why are you frowning at me? It is a solid plan.”

“I know that. But what if the oil and the fire are not as effective as you would think? What if the only thing you achieve with it is that you set them on fire? For warriors such as yourself, who fight by getting up close to your opponent, it could prove to be dangerous. If any of the oil lingers on them and they keep burning, then you could end up burning, too.”

“’Tis exactly what I warned them of,” Morrigan commented from next to her. “But if they insist, I say we stop caring and do it.”

She shrugged. “Fine by me. I’m not the one that’s going to be up close and personal.”

“You know, if both the witch and the mage agree on that, then maybe you should rethink it,” Darrian suggested to their companions, but Duran seemed dead set on doing it, if the determined expression on his face was any indication to go by.

“We’ll be fine,” he insisted.

“Alright. Where will you want me? Up there or here?” she asked him.

“You should stay down here, where you could heal the villagers if needed,” Alistair answered her, despite her not expecting an answer from him. She acknowledged it with a nod when no one corrected him.

“Darrian and I will be climbing on the roof of the Chantry to have a better vantage point of the area,” Lyna continued with the plan. “And to make shooting the undead easier.”

“I will also stay here, along with Leliana and Rabbit and aid the militia,” Aedan let them know. “That will leave your team with plenty of fighters, as well,” he told Duran, who would be leading the second team, it seemed like.

“It will. It is getting dark, so we should get into position,” the dwarf told him. “Who knows when exactly the next wave will hit?”

“Don’t get killed,” Lyna warned them, then she was off, leaping up to the roof to perch on it, moving almost faster than the eyes could see.

“That was impressive,” Darrian commented under his nose, then followed her example as the second half of their team started towards the mill. He was a bit clumsier.

Alistair turned back for a second to give Lexi a stern look. “Don’t forget to cast the spell you mentioned that could protect you more than armor,” he reminded her. She just rolled her eyes and cast Rock Armor to appease him.

“Happy now, mother?” she asked him.

“Happy,” he grumbled as he followed the rest of the fighters.

“He worries about you,” Leliana pointed it out to her when they were out of earshot.

She shrugged. “That’s because I’m just a squishy mage who is too weak to wear any armor.” The bard made a noncommittal sound that Lexi suspected meant her disagreement on the matter, but she decided not to ask for her companion’s opinion.

They anxiously awaited the arrival of the night and the dead with it, and they did not need to wait for long. Lexi heard an explosion soon enough, and that could only mean that Morrigan had set the first trap off. She still had no wish to set the oil ablaze, but she was not going to go against the plan, either, so as soon as the first undead became visible, she pulled a forcefield up right in front of it, letting the others keep walking into it, then aimed a ball of fire right above the gathered crowd of undead, let it drop and ignite the oil, and completely sealed them into a protective dome that did not let them move away from the flames. The walking dead were essentially cooked alive... well, more like undead, to leave nothing but charred remains behind.

Aedan gave her an uneasy look as soon as she let the barrier drop, and Lexi noted, that he wasn’t the only one. “Well, that is one way to thin their numbers,” the nobleman told her, staring at the still smoking remains. One of the militiamen threw up as soon as the stench of burnt flesh wafted over to him.

They had no more time to idle, though, as more and more undead appeared and their focus was needed, as that was the only trap they had enough oil for. Lexi gripped her staff with an iron grip, then began slinging one spell after another, occasionally taking a few seconds to send out a wave of healing energy to the people near her. Those were always more taxing than any attacks and left her unsteady for a few seconds each time she cast it, leaving her defenseless against the walking dead. One got up close and personal with her, but she defended herself with her staff when dodging out of the way wouldn’t have worked. She ended up sweeping its legs out from underneath it, then squishing it with a fist of rock before quickly moving on to the next enemy that quite literally threw itself on top of her, jumping onto her back and attempting to squeeze her neck enough to break. Even with the arcane rock armor covering her, she felt it, although not nearly as much as she would have felt without it. If she were to guess, she would have said, that it would have probably choked her out already, if not outright snapped her neck, with how much pressure it was applying on her.

She fell to her knees, soon out of breath, because she did not have the strength to throw it off herself and she did not dare cast a spell at it blindly in fear of harming someone that did not deserve to be harmed. It was yanked off her soon enough, though, as Bann Teagan, of all people, hurried to her aid and helped her up after her assailant lie unmoving on the ground, having been stabbed by the nobleman.

“Thank you,” she croaked at him and sent out another wave of healing when she heard some pained grunts coming from the militiamen.

“Lexi!” Aedan tried to get her attention. “The fire worked perfectly. Do you think you could do something similar?”

“Not without killing the villagers,” she told him. “But I can provide fire for everyone in a different way,” she told him, shut her eyes searching her memories for one particular spell, then cast it, allowing the weapons of her allies to burst into flames.

“Thanks!” he told her as he continued cutting through the undead with deadly precision. Lexi never would have thought she would ever think this, but there was something elegant in the way he held himself during the fight and the way he moved his flaming greatsword in large arcs to get as many of the undead as he could.

She cast another spell on him to boost his effectiveness even more, and saw him grin when he realized what happened. Her gaze did not linger on him for any longer, as the Bann remained near her and raised his shield to protect her while she was too distracted. Lexi moved around the shield soon enough and blasted the undead square in the face with lightning that arced from it to several others, without losing its effectiveness. Its head had a hole in it when it crumpled, instantly killed by the magnitude of the spell.

“I must ask,” the Bann spoke when they had a moment to breathe. “Are you a Circle mage or an apostate?”

“Most people would not care about the difference between the two, but I was indeed recruited into the Wardens from a Circle. The nearby Kinloch Hold, to be precise,” she answered as she threw another fireball at a new group of undead. Where the hell were they emerging from? Not the lake, surely, since then they would be wet, but none of them are.

“It shows that your movements are practiced, and your spells honed and always striking true, without injuring any of the villagers. I thank you for that, my lady,” he told her, then hurried off to join the thick of the fighting before she could have asked him not to call her that.

She cast the same spell on him that she cast on Aedan, then decided to spend about a minute continuously casting a healing spell on an entire area. The villagers needed it, and she did not care about it draining her at an exponential rate. It was taking a lot out of her, but two of the men would already be dead without that spell, so she did not worry about draining herself. Since the numbers of the walking dead dwindled only slowly, she saw it best to keep the spell up and watch from the sidelines as the rest of her allies dealt with their enemies. She had enough energy to keep it up for fifteen more minutes, and luckily, by that time the second half of the wardens joined the fray, only benefiting from their closeness to her. Unluckily for her, that meant, that the spell was used more, and the more power it needed. Power she only scarcely had any left of, so she fell to her knees, stopping the spell immediately and breathing heavily as soon as the last of the undead was finished.

But at least everyone survived, she made sure of it. The people of Redcliffe had lost more than enough recently, and needed everyone for the recovery that awaited the village. The least she could do was keep them safe.

She could barely keep herself from falling face-first into the dirt she was kneeling in and the large hand soon clamping down on her shoulder was more than needed to keep her steady.

“Hey, um, you don’t look so good,” Alistair let her know as he moved into her eyeline.

“Thanks. Just the sentence every woman wants to hear,” she retorted, frowning. She could barely keep her eyes open.

“That is not how I meant it,” he told her quickly. “I meant, that you look exhausted.”

“Good, ‘cause I feel exhausted. I kept everyone alive, even those that were on the brink of certain death. Keeping a healing spell like that up on one person is hard enough. Keeping it for a large group of people is dangerously draining. I just want to sleep. Can I go to sleep now?” she ended up asking him, and she was already falling forward, her eyes refusing to open. “I’m going to sleep,” she slurred, and was gone from the world in the next second, falling into a well-deserved slumber.

Chapter Text

Lexi was feeling infinitely better by the time the sun rose above the horizon. Her eyes snapped open to the visage of a ceiling above her head and she felt the comfort of the bed she slept in. Maker, it had been weeks since she had the opportunity to sleep in a real bed. She had a feeling it helped tremendously in getting the expanded energy back so quickly during the night. She realized, that she was not alone in the room as she sat and stretched like a cat. A few of her companions, Natia, Leliana and Morrigan were still deep in slumber around her bed on their bedrolls, with Lyna missing from hers. But the elf was always amongst the first to rise, so that was not a surprise.

She took care not to wake them as she tiptoed out of the room into the hallway of what she presumed was an inn. She heard a chorus of loud snoring from the room next door and had a feeling her male companions were occupying that one, so she just walked towards the stairs she spotted and walked down to the lower level, finding Lyna at one of the tables already, eating.

“Ah, it is good to see you awake, lass,” the innkeeper greeted her. “Take a seat and I’ll have the women whip something up for ya.”

“Thank you. How much--”

“No, no. Thank you. None of you are paying after what you did last night,” the man assured her, then yelled, “Bella! Another warden is awake! Make something delicious for the mage lady!”

Lexi took a seat next to the elf while she waited for her breakfast, and strangely, found Lyna giving her a small smile when she was about to greet her. The fact that the elf could smile at her instead of frown surprised her enough to keep her mouth shut.

“You did well last evening,” her fellow warden began. “Several of the villagers would have died were it not for your healing magic.”

“Yes. But I am not the only one that deserves the praise. None of your shots missed. Your precision is impressive.”

The elf just shrugged. “Years of hunting does that,” she reacted, then went right back to eating.

The two of them still did not have much to talk about, but the fact that Lexi was not greeted by a sneer anymore was certainly a good sign. The silence was not uncomfortable, though, as Lexi had received her own plate of food within minutes and could get to replenishing the rest of her energy.

They both looked up from their plate when someone loudly bounded down the stairs, then into Lexi. Two stout arms went around her neck as Natia hugged her as tightly as she could.

“You’re okay!” the dwarf excitedly let her know what she knew already. Lexi saw as the elf rolled her eyes at her exuberance.

“Any reason I shouldn’t be? I was only exhausted, nothing more,” she assured the dwarf, who still did not feel like letting go of her.

“I know! I know! But you are like the team mother, fussing over the health of everyone, and it was terrifying to see you collapse into Alistair’s arms like a sack of grain.”

“Team mother?” Lexi asked back, not understanding the moniker. “I’m the youngest of the wardens!” she protested, hoping that it would not be something the wardens would start calling her. Especially since as wardens, they eventually become infertile as the taint in their blood sets in. Which is a shame.

“Don’t worry, she is the only one that latched onto the idea of it,” Lyna kindly put her mind at ease.

“I’m relieved to hear that,” she commented as she patted the dwarf on her back. “Now, I’m glad, that you are this happy to see me well, Natia, but I would like to keep eating, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” she reacted and let go only to saunter over to the innkeeper.

Slowly, but surely all of the wardens and their allies rose from slumber, in varying stages of alertness after such a night. Some still seemed a bit sleepy. She did get a few taps on the shoulder as greeting and Duran even hit her square in the back, with what surely counted as a light pat for him, but had her wheezing for a second or two. He got a few scolding looks for that, but just shrugged and took a seat at a table. They were all sitting when the door of the inn opened and Bann Teagan entered, smiling kindly at the group.

“Good morning, wardens. I am glad to see all of you awake already. I would like you all to meet me at the mill as soon as you are done with breakfast. The castle needs to be investigated as soon as possible,” he told them and only left when they all nodded their assent to his request.

That definitely sped their feeding up, so within fifteen minutes, the entire group was standing by the mill, watching the Bann’s back, as he stared at the ominous castle in the distance. Turning to them, he informed the wardens of the secret passage inside the mill, only accessible to someone possessing the right signet ring needed to unlock it. He was planning on using that passageway to get inside before they all showed up, making his job significantly easier.

Of course, it all got complicated once Lady Isolde, the wife of Arl Eamon showed up with a knight in tow, demanding the Bann to go with them to the castle. On his own. That did not sit well with Lyna, or anyone else, really, but the elf was the fastest to demand an explanation to this request. The woman did not like being questioned, though, and sounded more than hostile and unnecessarily rude when Alistair spoke up. Her rudeness all but evaporated when Bann Teagan told her that they were Grey Wardens that saved his and many other people’s lives last night. Alistair pleaded with her to tell them at least some information concerning the castle, but she could not tell them much. The lady only mentioned some great evil and that the mage responsible had already been jailed, but things kept happening regardless. And that someone was going mad. Lexi did not know who this Connor was. Then Lady Isolde called the Bann his uncle, so Connor apparently is her son. She was hoping that the man could make the boy see reason. Natia asked her about the mage they caught, and the lady could only tell them that he was an infiltrator and was jailed because he was caught poisoning the Arl. That new information baffled everyone and complicated everything even more, especially when it was revealed, that the mage claimed he was hired by Loghain himself. When asked about the Arl himself, she confirmed that he lived still, and was being kept alive by something vile the mage unleashed on them. It was allowing the three of them to live. For the moment. The woman was desperate enough to nearly beg the Bann to go with her, and he was inclined to agree.

The nobleman requested some time to speak with the wardens and used it to hand his signet ring to his sort of nephew and warned him that should anything go wrong, Arl Eamon should be their priority. He considered everyone else in the castle expendable. The wardens did not share his view and vowed to get all of them out safely.

They waited for the nobles to disappear from view, only then approached Ser Perth and arranged for the knights to slowly make their way to the main gates of the castle, awaiting the wardens’ arrival from within.

They did not dally any further and entered the mill one after another, Alistair taking point with the signet ring, unlocking the door. It was all cobwebs and dust down there, the tunnel itself barely wide enough for one person. Sten had trouble standing straight, and he could be heard murmuring under his nose because of it. There was absolutely no light, so Lexi cast a small light at the end of her staff, holding it above her head to let everyone see. She was in the middle of the row, so at least that ensured that no one would be completely blind.

The wardens collectively breathed in deeply once they were out on the other side. Finally free of that confining space.

“Ah, fresh air,” Darrian muttered, then coughed almost immediately. “Well, almost. Still better than the tunnel.”

It was, but only by a small margin.

“Okay, everyone. We don’t know what to expect exactly, other than maybe even more walking corpses,” Duran spoke up. “Who’s taking point?” he asked them. Yet he looked at Lexi, who was too busy brushing dust off her robe.

She grunted, not even looking at him. “Why am I not surprised?” she asked, cast Rock Armor on herself, then walked towards the only exit in the chamber, that was quite crowded.

Opening the door, they found themselves in the dungeon of the castle, and had direct line of sight on several walking corpses, that were in the middle of harassing someone behind the bars.

“Get away from me!” she heard… Jowan? No. No. No way.

“Jowan?!” she all but yelled his name, instantly getting the attention of the corpses, that quickly abandoned the blood mage and ran for the wardens instead.

“L-Lexi? Lexi, is that you?” Her former friend laughed in joy. “Maker, it is so good to hear your voice!”

Considering the implications of his presence in the dungeon of all places, she growled instead of saying any further pleasantries, already angered enough to just obliterate the three walking corpses with her magic before any of her companions could have moved an inch.

“What have you done?!” she hurried up to him. She wasn’t even trying to hide how pissed she was.

“What have I done?!” he repeated her question nearly word for word.

“Yes, you! What have you done, Jowan?!” He opened his mouth to answer. “No, don’t answer that, I know exactly what you did! Maker, this is all my fault, isn’t it?” she realized, desperation taking a hold of her. “Stupid me, deciding to help someone I believed to be my only friend, who then turned out to be a blood mage! I never should have helped you; we both know you wouldn’t have gotten anywhere close to your phylactery without me. This is all my fault,” she repeated herself, raking her fingers through her hair as she paced in front of his cell.

“Lexi? Are you okay?” Leliana asked her, slowly approaching her as if she were approaching a wild animal.

“No, Leliana, I’m far from okay! Lady Isolde told us that a mage is responsible for the atrocities committed in the castle and the poisoning of the arl! Jowan wouldn’t be anywhere near this place, were it not for my stupidity! I shouldn’t have helped him… I shouldn’t have… It’s all my fault…” she despaired.

“Not everything is about you, Lexi,” Jowan resentfully told her, causing her to whirl on him. “I had been running since you sold me out! I had been sleeping in ditches, gone hungry, and…”

“You did that to yourself, Jowan! It was not my fault you turned to blood magic to further your power!”

“Oh, no, of course, it isn’t! If you were less perfect, then maybe I wouldn’t feel so inferior! And you didn’t even know that I was a blood mage until I escaped!” he protested.

“I did! I needed to go to Irving to have him sign the form that would let me get the rod of fire you wanted and decided to question him about the rumor Lily heard about making you Tranquil. She was right. They were going to make you Tranquil. But not because of your lack of progress. Because you are a blood mage. I saw the books they took off the shelves. That’s when Irving told me.” She made sure he could hear the disappointment in her tone. “I didn’t want to believe him. I didn’t. But the timing made sense. As soon as you were made, you came up with a hasty plan to escape. You are not the only one of us that feels betrayed, you know,” she added, quieter, and he looked away from her in shame.

“I only wanted to be with Lily,” he told her.

“And I wanted to be with Cullen, yet here I am, conscripted into the Grey Wardens instead. Such is life, Jowan. We cannot always have what we want. Especially not us mages.”

“I knew, that there was something between you and that templar!”

He sounded so vindicated, and she smiled at him when he made a face. “There wasn’t, but there could have been.”

“Wait, Grey Wardens?” he asked her, looking at her companions, who were gathered behind her, giving her the space she needed. “Y-you betrayed the king!”

“That’s what Loghain wants everyone to think. He is the one that betrayed us all and caused King Cailan’s death,” Duran joined the conversation.

“And he hired you to poison the arl, didn’t he? Who happens to be the king’s own uncle,” Lexi pointed it out to her former friend, who still seemed to be processing what this new information meant for him. “You might have doomed not only a good man to death, but his entire castle,” she informed him, her voice hard and demanding.

He sagged against the wall and slid down to sit, his face in his hands. “I-I do admit, that I was desperate when I took Loghain’s offer. He… He promised me that he would settle things with the Circle for me if I got rid of the threat that the Arl posed for Ferelden. I-I didn’t think…”

“You rarely do nowadays, it seems,” was out of her mouth before she could have stopped it. She heard someone snort behind her, but none of her companions commented. “What about the walking corpses? Are you responsible for those, as well?” she kept interrogating him.

“No. I was already imprisoned when the killing began, and the dead rose. They thought I did it, but I didn’t! I swear! I had nothing to do with that!”

“How did you even get inside the castle in the first place?” she asked.

“T-the arl’s son, Connor started showing signs. The lady hired me to tutor him, show him how he could hide his developing magical talents, afraid the Circle would get their hands on him otherwise.”

“And Arl Eamon was alright with it?” Alistair asked him, sounding skeptical of it.

“He didn’t know.”

Lexi furrowed her brows, thinking, and looked at what remained of the walking corpses she destroyed. If Jowan wasn’t responsible for them, then who was?

“I can hear the gears turning in your head,” the senior warden told her. He had been standing right behind her, so he saw her expression clearly.

She just nodded at his observation, then turned back to Jowan. “How strong is the boy?”

“Strong enough to maybe be responsible for it, if that’s what you’re thinking. Even accidentally, he could have torn the Veil open.”

“Lady Isolde did mention something vile lurking in the castle, allowing only a select few to live. We’re dealing with a demon.” She was sure of it as she faced her companions. “It is responsible for the walking corpses, and I do not wish to be right in this, but it might be possessing Connor.”

“Indeed,” Morrigan agreed. “Children are easy prey for the demons of the Fade. ‘specially if said child is an uneducated mage trying his best to hide his abilities.”

“Then what are we waiting for? We must get to him and quickly!” Alistair all but ran off, and the others followed, with only Lexi staying behind.

“Before you go… Please, tell me what happened to Lily,” Jowan pleaded with her as she turned to follow.

“All I know is that she was sent away by the Chantry. I left the tower the same day, so I don’t know more than you do,” she answered, then hurried to catch up to her companions, who were already fighting in the next chamber.

They outnumbered the walking dead, so those were easily destroyed, and with them, their last obstacles to the stairway leading to the main floor. They moved forward instead of following the hallway, and were right to do so, since the larger chamber that might have been akin to a Chantry, was infested with Shades. It would have been rather unfortunate if they ignored that room and let those dangerous creatures remain, so they disposed of them at once and moved on swiftly. They did not have much free time before they were forced to fight again, this time even more shambling corpses that poured out of the nearby room, that led into the barracks, with bunk beds and even more angry reanimated corpses, that posed no challenge to them. There were even more of them in the hallway that followed.

“Oh, no, we’re not enemies,” she heard Aedan say when a group of mabari ran at the wardens, coming from a room nearby, and forced them to divide their attention. Lexi noted, that the man seemed saddened to need to put the animals down when his own was fighting loyally by his side.

Their enemies were dead soon enough, both animal and corpse alike, so they moved forward, searching one small room after another for more enemies. They only found a frightened maid at the end of the hallway, who turned out to be Valena, the daughter of the smith. They quickly told her to get down to the dungeon, ignore the imprisoned mage and just make her way back to Redcliffe village through the no longer hidden tunnel. The girl was bolting the next second, as if being chased, but that was for the best. The faster she was, the less time other corpses would get to show up and murder her.

After they sent her on her way, they turned back and entered the only chamber they had not checked. “This should lead to the main hall,” Alistair informed them as he tried to open the door. It was locked, naturally.

“Allow me,” Leliana offered, and Lexi just stared at her. A cloistered sister, a bard, and a thief? Who was this woman?

Well, not an effective thief, apparently, because she could not open the lock. But neither could Natia when she tried, so it might not have been the people trying but the lock itself that was the problem.

They moved on, into the kitchen, and battled several more corpses. It was getting quite repetitive, but Lexi did not complain, as at least they cleaned the place and made it safer for other, less combat-oriented individuals. Going past the kitchen, then the larder, they headed down into the cellar that was filled with wine-casks. The only exit put them to the courtyard of the castle.

The wardens were allowed but a moment of respite, as they were beset by even more shambling corpses on their way to the staircase, with one of them standing out amongst them with its size. A Revenant, that had the ability to pull people closer to itself, as Lexi was unfortunate to experience. She found herself skidding towards its sword that would have skewered her in a second, had she not decided to shock it into stopping. She ended up falling on her back, with the Revenant recovering all but a few steps away from her, and getting ready to plunge its sword into her gut, when Duran came out of nowhere and body slammed it, sending it staggering backwards. The dwarf was merciless as he attacked, bringing his sword down in quick motions, making short work of the undead creature. She did end up helping him with a spell to boost his abilities, then stood, just in case another appeared. It did not hurt to be more mobile. It was the last opponent left, so while the two of them and one of the archers dealt with it, someone else lifted the gate and let Ser Perth and his knights in.

They were all eager to get to the bottom of what was happening in the castle, so they agreed to enter and go to the main hall with the knights. The view that welcomed them left all… speechless.

Bann Teagan was doing cartwheels and other acrobatics, trying to entertain his nephew, who cheered for his every move. Lexi noticed, that Lady Isolde looked hunched, and just so lost and devastated standing next to her joyful son, that she could not help but feel pity for the woman. And the boy, who did turn out to be possessed, if the distorted voice he spoke with was anything to go by as he threatened them. The lady desperately begged him not to hurt anyone, and it did seem to have some effect on him. For a few seconds, Connor regained control of himself, but it was gone as soon as it came.

That was when even Ser Perth realized, that things were not as simple as they seemed at first sight and asked for an explanation. The Lady gave them one, informing them, that Connor was just trying to save his father, making a deal with a demon, apparently, that voiced his opinion about it being a fair deal. Listening to him explain how he wanted to conquer the land, Lexi’s hair stood on the back of her neck, every ounce of her being demanding she get rid of this demon. Only she couldn’t do that without killing the boy, and she had no wish to do that, even after it decided it found their presence threatening and set the charmed guards and Bann Teagan against them while he ran off. Lady Isolde ran to the nearest corner to hide from the fighting.

“Don’t kill, only incapacitate!” Alistair told the rest of the wardens. “They are being controlled!”

“Agreed. Enough people have died here,” Aedan agreed as he disarmed a guard and punched him in the face. Since Lexi did not have anything that she could turn non-lethal, she decided to go around whacking people with her staff if needed and buffing her allies with some support spells.

The charmed guards were knocked out soon enough, with only the nobleman waking quickly, disoriented for a few seconds. But his mind was his own again, whatever influence the demon had on him was gone for the moment. He was skeptical about the chances of being able to save the boy, but Lady Isolde insisted that her son was still there, sometimes in control for a while. Lexi knew of certain rituals that they could try, but she had no idea of any of those would even work, as she had only read about them, never needed to do them… But the people around her were talking about the boy being an abomination, and that killing him would be a mercy, and she could not listen to these suggestions any longer.

“There are certain rituals,” she spoke for the first time since they left the dungeon, getting everyone’s attention. “I remember reading about them in the library, but I do not have anything concrete. There might be a way to save your son, my lady, but we need the help of the Circle.”

“W-we could ask the apostate, if he lives,” the lady told them, increasingly desperate for a solution.

“He does, but he’s never been strong enough. I’m uncertain if he would be much help with anything of the sort.”

“You know him?” the Bann asked her, more than surprised.

“I do. Called him my closest friend before he revealed himself as a blood mage to escape the tower,” she informed them. “It might be worth getting him up here to get a second opinion, but I leave that up to you.”

“Y-yes, we should do that. Maybe he will have an idea,” Isolde added, then turned to Teagan. “Could you get him up here, Teagan? Please.”

“I don’t think this is a good idea, but very well. Let us hear this mage out.”

“I’ll accompany you, if you allow me. To show him that you mean him no harm,” Lexi offered, and the Bann accepted in a heartbeat, already moving towards the dungeon. Some of her companions decided to tag along just to be safe. Not that it was needed, but she appreciated it. No more shambling corpses waited for them along their way to the dungeon, and Jowan was already standing when he heard their approach. “We need your help,” she began as she caught him giving a strange look to the Bann that was unlocking his cell.

“Anything to make this right,” he agreed.

“Good. Come on, then,” she invited him along, sharing what information they had about Connor and the demon that was possessing him as they walked.

“I remember this ritual, we studied it together,” he told her once they were back with the rest in the main hall. “Entering the Fade, a mage should be able to confront the demon and save the boy in the process. There is one setback, though.”

“It requires more than two mages,” Lexi finished for him. “Or three,” she added, glancing at Morrigan. “And an insane amount of Lyrium that we do not have.”

“There is a way to work around that,” Jowan insisted, already giving her an apologetic look.

“Don’t say it,” she warned him.

“What?” Lady Isolde pried innocently.

“Blood magic could be used to fuel the spell,” he answered the woman. “Substituting the lyrium with the life force of someone.”

“No.” Lexi was firm in her belief that it was wrong and would not budge, no matter what. “The amount required would kill the person.”

“Yes, but the boy would live.”

“I volunteer!” the boy’s mother offered so carelessly. “Anything to save my Connor.”

“No,” Lexi told her, uncaring about her being the wife of an Arl and turned to Bann Teagan, who seemed to be the level-headed one. “Give me a ship with a crew to help me get to Kinloch Hold and I will be back by nightfall with people that actually know what they are doing.”

The man must have seen the determination on her face, because he did not ask her any questions, just gave her a firm nod and waved Ser Perth over. “Get her the fastest ship and best crew Redcliffe has, or whatever crew remains,” he ordered the knight. “Forgive me, but I would rather not leave the castle to accompany you,” he told her.

She gave him a small smile. “That would not be necessary, anyways.” She turned to her own companions, who let her take the lead, seeing that she was the one familiar with both Jowan and the spell. She was going to tell them to stay vigilant, when Alistair spoke before she could have.

“We are not letting you go alone.” No one seemed to agree with that, so he quickly looked around, looking for reassurances. “Are we?”

Several people shrugged. “She’s just going to the mages to talk. What’s the worst thing that could happen? They know that she is no apostate,” Darrian pointed it out. “Besides, we might be needed if the demon decides to turn people against us and raise the corpses once more.”

That had the senior warden pursing his lips in thought for a few seconds. “Yeah, no. I’m not leaving you alone, no matter how easy you think this journey is going to be,” he told her.

“Suit yourself. Anyone else?”

“Why not? I’ve always been curious about the famed Circle Tower,” Aedan agreed.

“Oh, me, too!” Leliana joined. The others were less enthusiastic, barring the witch, who was frowning.

“’Tis a shame that it is the logical choice for me to remain here, for I wish to see the place that holds so many prisoners,” Morrigan added.

“I’ll take you there some other time,” she assured her, then turned to Duran. She had a feeling he would take up the leadership role, with both Alistair, Aedan and her gone. “Lock Jowan up and don’t let him do the ritual, you hear me? Do. Not.”

“Yes, yes, I hear you,” the dwarf agreed.

“So do I…” her old friend noted sourly. “But I guess I do deserve the mistrust,” he muttered, completely dejected.

“You made several grave mistakes, Jowan. You cannot solve them all with blood magic. Mostly because if you would really think about it, you would see, that it is precisely the blood magic that caused your problems.”

He sighed. “Yes, you are right. As always. I’ll cooperate,” he turned to the Bann, ready to get back to his cell.

“Come with us, wardens,” Ser Perth called out to those that would be leaving, inviting them along back to the village.

Within an hour, they had a ship and a crew and were ready to set sail for the Circle Tower. She could only hope, that nothing bad would happen in Redcliffe while they were gone, and that they would face no obstacles in the tower itself.

Chapter Text

Lexi realized, that she was still not overly comfortable with spending extended periods of time on the water, as her stomach was protesting the waves more and more the longer this journey went on. Her companions tried to distract her, though, and she was grateful for that.

“You mentioned someone named Cullen to the blood mage,” Leliana brought up one of the topics she had no wish to talk about. But even that was better than only thinking about her unruly stomach that threatened to empty itself at the smallest of unfortunate movement.

“I did. A friend. Kind of.”

“Also, a templar,” the bard added.

“Indeed. He is a good and kind man that made me feel less alone at the tower. I think... at first, he just wanted to keep me safe. He once protected me from another templar when that one drained me of my magic and tried to force himself on me. We had already begun building a strange friendship between the two of us by then, but that incident only brought us closer.”

“How close?” the woman kept prying.

“Close enough to eventually catch feelings for each other. But nothing came of it. I was taken from the Circle the day I realized the extent of my own feelings.”

It seemed to have saddened Leliana. She might have expected some juicy gossip. “Oh.”

“Oh, indeed,” Lexi agreed, then shut up when she spotted the tower looming ominously in the distance. That view was enough to send her stomach over the edge; the worry and anxiety was too much for her, and she was running towards the railing of the ship and emptying her stomach into the lake the next second.

She was still clutching the railing when she sunk to her knees, groaning and weakened. She shut her eyes and sagged against the railing, then groaned again when one of her companions approached her and let his fingers run in circles on her back, intending to soothe her. It kind of worked.

“I used to get sick on ships when I was a child,” Aedan informed her as he kept soothing her body. “I think I was even greener than you are right now,” he chuckled.

“How did you get better?” she croaked the question at him.

“I grew out of it, it seems,” he answered, not putting her into a better mood.

She groaned again. “Then I guess it’s safe to say that I don’t have high chances of growing out of it. I had a similar reaction to boats when I left the Circle with Duncan.”

“The Tower is only accessible on water?” the nobleman asked her, quite surprised.

“Yes. The Imperial Highway went all the way to it, but it had crumbled in places, making that unusable. No one had bothered to repair the bridge, since this only makes it harder for mages to escape.”

“Escape?”

“What do you think the Tower is exactly, Aedan?”

“Um, well, it is where mages learn to use their magic?”

She snorted. “That is oversimplifying it. The Circle is where mages are imprisoned, many from a very young age. Taken from their families, their loved ones, never to see anyone they love ever again. The only reason we study how to use our magic is because if we do not show enough control over it by a certain point, they make us Tranquil to lessen the chances of a devastating demonic possession. If the mage is too weak, they are made Tranquil. If the mage is too strong? They are made Tranquil. It seems to be their solution for everything.”

“They didn’t make you Tranquil, and you are quite powerful,” he pointed it out.

“Only because I was never one to show off. Even at a young age, I did not flaunt my magic, unlike most apprentices, and kept out of trouble. Besides, they would not have made the First Enchanter’s most prized student into a Tranquil without being given a good reason.”

“Is that why he took interest in you?” he asked her the good question. She had never thought about it. What if Irving chose her to tutor in his free time because he was trying to protect her from the Rite? He did find her talented even when she was only a child.

“Maybe. I do not know. I do know, that he saw potential in me; it felt like he was readying me for something. I just wouldn’t have thought that he would hand me over to the Wardens like that. I realize why he chose me, but I spent thirteen years of my life in the Tower. It still feels like I was discarded in a heartbeat.”

He allowed his fingers to slowly trail up to her face and gently tuck a tuft of loose hair behind her ear. “Their loss, our gain. We are quite fortunate to have you,” he assured her with a soft voice. “You are useful to have around, especially in a fight.”

She froze at his words. “Yes. Useful,” she agreed in an intentionally emotionless voice, and it threw him completely. “That is always what it boils down to. How useful I am to people. I guess it was stupid of me to think it would be any different with the wardens,” she added resentfully and batted his hand away from herself as she stood and left him kneeling there on his own, staring after her with wide eyes. She knew that he didn’t want to hurt her with his words, and he couldn’t have known the effect those would have on her, but at that moment, she didn’t care.

And was she wrong? No, no she wasn’t. They didn’t care about her, not really. They only worried, because if they lost her, they would have lost a powerful asset, too, and they needed all the help they could get.

Was she doomed to be valued only by her usefulness for the rest of her life? Was Cullen really the only person that liked her for herself? It certainly seemed like it to her.

Lexi did not talk to anyone for the rest of the sailing, nor for the short rowing they needed to do to arc around the ruins and get to the entrance. She stared at the ominous entryway with her brows furrowed. There should have been two templars posted on the outside, but they were absent. They were never absent!

“I don’t like this,” she murmured as she tried to steady her already rapidly beating heart.

“Don’t like what?” Alistair asked her.

“Two templars are always posted on the outside of the tower. Where are they?” she wondered aloud and hastily approached the entrance, pushing it open.

There seemed to be a meeting of sorts in the entryway, as several templars were present, one looking more exhausted and hurt than the other. It certainly did not bode well...

“Knight-Commander!” she called out to Greagoir as soon as she spotted him, as he was in the middle of issuing orders to one of his templars.

Several templars tensed when they noticed her presence, and she quickly noted, that Cullen was not amongst them. To her deepest disappointment.

“Ah, Warden Amell. Glad to see you survived, but you return to us at a most inopportune time,” the man greeted her and signaled to his men to be at ease.

“Why? What’s happening in the Tower?” she hurriedly asked him as she approached him, her companions following her closely.

“Uldred is happening,” he spat. “After returning from Ostagar, he got it into his head to support Loghain Mac Tir and his treacherous ideals, nearly convincing the entire Circle to side with him. Had Wynne not revealed the man’s true colors, the Circle would be allied with the traitor himself.” Lexi just gaped at him. “Uldred did not take so kindly to being ordered to stay and attempted to take over. We have lost control of the Tower, as it had been overrun by demons and abominations after whatever he had done,” he spat.

For a few seconds, she just blinked at him, trying to make sense of his words. “What? But... But...”

“The situation must be contained at all costs, so I have already sent for reinforcements and the Right of Annulment,” he informed her gravely.

“You can’t!” she protested vehemently. “There are over a hundred people up there! Including children and your own templars!”

“There is a high chance that none of them are alive,” he pointed out to her something, that she dared not even think of.

“Then let me in to find out. I can deal with Uldred.” She was convinced of it. “And I will not let the Chantry murder innocents on what ifs.”

He briefly narrowed his eyes at her, thinking about her offer. “You will also be at a high risk there, with so many demons about.”

“Demons have nothing to offer me that would sway me to serve them. The only thing I’ll ever do to demons is kill them without hesitation.”

She could have sworn his mouth pulled into a small smile. “Fine. I’ll let them spare the Circle, but only if you ensure Irving stands in front of me, in one piece.”

“Done,” she agreed in a heartbeat and turned to her companions. “I cannot and will not ask any of you to come with me, so--”

“We’re with you,” Alistair interjected, not even letting her finish her sentence.

“It will be dangerous.”

“Exactly. We will not let you face dozens of demons and abominations on your own,” he assured her. “Besides, my abilities might come handy against rogue mages,” he pointed it out.

“Yes, if there is even a chance to save those innocents, then we must try to help,” Leliana agreed resolutely, leaving Aedan for last.

“I kind of wish we dragged a few more of our companions along, but yeah, I’m ready to deal with some abominations,” he told her.

She gave them a thankful smile.

“It is settled, then,” the Knight-Commander spoke. “We will lock the door behind you, so be sure to stock up on supplies you might need,” he told them, gesturing to the nearby quartermaster, who was arranging whatever weapons he could scrounge up. Lexi doubted the man had anything they could have used, so she did not bother going to him.

She took a deep breath, let it out, and nodded up at Greagoir. “Ready.”

“Good luck, Amell,” he told her as he motioned for the templars to open the door.

True to his word, those snapped shut and were bolted behind them as soon as they were past the threshold. She cast Rock Armor on herself, then enhanced the blades of her companions with a spell, leaving a mental barrier for last. That made her companions make startled sounds.

“Mental ward. Should help us fight off the influence of demons. I’ve never had to use it before, so I do not know how effective it would prove to be. But it’s better than nothing,” she explained as she grabbed her staff, her palms already sweaty.

They didn’t have any time to waste, so she started forward, entering the nearby quarters looking for abomination and survivor alike. She gasped when she saw the bodies littering the floor. She knew all of them.

“Maker,” she muttered as she looked from body to body, trying to see if any of them were breathing. None of them were, so she hung her head for a few seconds and carried on. They had a job to do.

“Did you know them?” Alistair asked her.

“All of them. I’m going to have nightmares for years after this,” she confessed as she hurried up, finding a templar’s corpse. Not Cullen, luckily. That was her only relief. That she had not come across his corpse.

Yet.

It was only the first chamber, so they exited to the hallway. She had a feeling, that they would not see any survivors on that level, but she entered the next quarters, as well, finding more gore and dead bodies, all familiar, none him. Perhaps he was still alive. Maker, she couldn’t have lost him like this, could she?

Against her predictions, there happened to be survivors at the end of the hallway, beyond the closed door. They heard the sounds of a fight echo through the curving hallway, and that made them pick up the pace, with her companions gripping their weapons tightly behind her, ready for a fight. At the northern part of the hallway, they came across the fighters. Senior Enchanter Wynne and Petra were protecting some children from a Rage demon, that did not stand a chance against their combined forces.

“Lexi!” one of the young girls cried out, then disregarding the armed men next to her, ran up to her to give her a hug. “Where have you been?” she demanded to know. “You disappeared so suddenly!”

“It is a long story, Nikki, that we do not have time to regale.”

“Ah, but it is indeed good to see you, Lexana,” Wynne told her. The older woman seemed exhausted, and rightfully so. “I was hoping, that by some miracle, you had survived Ostagar.”

“It was a close call for me. It is good to see you again, as well, Senior Enchanter Wynne.”

“But what are you doing here? We were unable to leave; the door was locked,” Petra spoke as she tried to comfort the children that were not around Lexi.

“Greagoir opened it for us. He had already sent for the Right of Annulment and promised to spare the Circle only if we take the First Enchanter to him. Please, tell me that he is alive,” she pleaded with the women.

“I wish I knew.”

“Maker. If he isn’t...” she trailed off, not even daring to think of such possibility. “We must hurry!”

“I shall go with you, then,” Wynne insisted, and Lexi was about to rebuke her when the woman stopped her attempt before she could have made it. “Petra and Kinnon can keep the children safe.”

“My barrier got better, too! I can help!” Nikki announced proudly as she let go of Lexi, earning a smile from the warden.

“Then those lessons were worth it. I’m proud of you.” The girl beamed up at her at the praise. “Keep them safe.”

“Will do!” the girl insisted, nodding at her resolutely as Wynne busied herself removing the barrier from the doorway, that Lexi presumed the older mage created as a safety measure.

“Are you sure about this, Wynne?” Petra asked in a lowered, concerned voice. “You were badly hurt before… Maybe I should go instead.”

“I will be fine, Petra. Take care of the children.”

“As you wish.”

Since that was decided, Lexi wasted no more time and just headed towards the stairs leading further up into the tower. Their way cut through the library, and had them face many abominations and demons inside. Sometimes, they ended up outnumbered, but both Lexi and Wynne had spells that could damage several of them at once. They did not pose much of a threat, and she dared think they were more dangerous once destroyed, most of them combusting upon destruction. She continued looking for Cullen, but thanked the Maker when they got to the stairs, and she still hadn’t seen his corpse.

On the second floor, they met the Tranquil Owain near the stockrooms he was in charge of, and he told them that one of the mages, Niall had taken the Litany of Adralla from the stocks, leaving Lexi stunned.

“But... that is to be used to ward against mind domination,” she spoke. “Or do I remember that incorrectly?” she asked the older mage.

“No, my dear, your memory is excellent, and Niall is a genius,” Wynne informed them. “I was afraid of this, but… It does make sense, with how notoriously successful he is in rooting out blood mages. I believe Uldred and probably several others are blood mages. Using the Litany against them would ensure they do not gain control over any more minds.”

“What?! He is a blood mage?! Great. First Jowan, now him. Maker, is that why he was so interested in tutoring Jowan?”

“Him and many others, unfortunately,” Wynne agreed.

“So, we’re dealing with blood mages. Damn them all,” she muttered as she moved on hurriedly, desperately staring at every templar corpse, hoping that Cullen would not be amongst them.

She was almost delighted to walk into a group of mages just out of the hallway, when their sneers and two fireballs welcomed them and quickly changed her mind. She didn’t have time to pull a barrier up, so none of them got out of it unscathed. She quickly got fed up when she felt one of them begin to drain her mana reserves, so she threw a powerful Mana Clash at them. They didn’t even get to scream before they fell to the floor, dead. She wobbled on her feet as she felt Wynne’s healing magic, and was soon steadied by Alistair’s hand closing around her upper arm.

“That was more effective than I thought it would be. I’ve never cast it before,” she admitted to him, then looked up at him and gasped. The left side of his face was singed and in the middle of healing. Despite that, she cast another spell on him to speed the process up and turned to the rest.

“Are you alright?” she asked them, and got only noncommittal grunts as answer. It only added to the panic she was already feeling, and caused her to cast one healing spell after another. Her armor made of rock had protected her from getting singed, so she was fine. It was the rest she was worried about.

“Now we are,” the senior warden assured her as he scratched his face. It was still blackened, but no scar was visible underneath the grime. She almost grabbed his hand to make it stop, but simply looked away from him instead and bit down on her lip. She was already regretting bringing them along.

Without saying any comforting words – she had none – Lexi whirled around and headed for the senior mages’ quarters, entering the closest and greeting the abominations inside with a well-placed fireball to the face. The room was otherwise empty, so they moved on instead of investigating more thoroughly. Oddly enough, the next room was full of shambling corpses instead of demons or abominations, much like those they had fought at Redcliffe not a day before.

“Great. Because we haven’t faced enough of these lately,” she heard Alistair grumble as he all but cleaved one of them in half. “Did you cast something on our blades, by the way?” he asked her. “I could swear this did not use to be this effective.”

“Yes, I coated your blades with some telekinetic energy to make them even sharper,” she answered as she crushed another underneath a pillar of stone.

“Nicely done,” Aedan complimented her. “But why didn’t you do that yesterday? We could have used this bonus damage in Redcliffe against those undead.”

“Undead in Redcliffe?” Wynne asked them, quite curious.

“One of the reasons we came to the Circle,” the nobleman answered. “We were hoping to get some help to solve a demon situation, but this takes priority right now. It is not important for now. Let’s go,” he told Lexi, who nodded at him and moved on, to check inside the quarters.

Nothing moved, so she was more than surprised, when they came across two more abominations, hiding behind the wall. Lexi might have let out a small shriek of surprise. Might have. But she quickly covered it up with strong attacks that left her allies with nothing to do, as their enemies got destroyed by her before they could have reacted. She prepared to leave as soon as her heart settled down a bit, but her arm was nudged soon enough by Leliana, who directed her gaze at the trembling wardrobe nearby. An uncertain voice soon called out from within. It turned out to be Godwin, one of the mages hiding from the demons, blood mages and abominations alike. They deemed it best to just leave him there for now, as he seemed to be relatively safe in “his closet”, as he called it.

Moving forward, they came across a pair of blood mages in the middle of arguing about something Uldred said. Lexi did not care enough to eavesdrop and was prepared to drop a fireball on them when an abomination materialized behind those two and startled them into action. Not that their efforts meant anything against it. They did practically no damage, so its destruction waited for the wardens and their allies. One abomination alone was no challenge to them, it was dead before it could have made a move.

Nothing of interest remained in that room, so they made their exit and were met with some Rage Demons and abominations. With some well-directed spells, all were weakened enough for the melee fighters to hack them to pieces. Their steps carried them to the Chantry chamber next, and Lexi’s heart beat wildly in her chest upon seeing the templar corpses inside. She exhaled in relief when there was still no sign of Cullen. Unfortunately, the deeper into the tower they went, the less chances she saw of finding him alive. He rarely spent time on the upper floors before. Maker, what if he was one of the charred corpses they came across? What if… No. There was no sense thinking of what ifs.

“Focus,” she chided herself as she stood, hurrying towards the last room on the level. Irving’s own office.

Wynne instantly voiced her thoughts, saying that she hoped they would find him there. They all knew that was too much to hope for.

There were still a few levels remaining, so they moved up, arriving to an eerily quiet level. There was not a soul in sight as they exited the stairway, with the hallway on the right blockaded, only leaving the left-side hallway accessible. She took a deep breath as she entered the Great Hall and found even more corpses littering the floor. Maker, was really everyone dead? Where were the children? The apprentices? It couldn’t have been everyone on the first floor. I couldn’t have been all that remained!

Anders. She had not seen Anders, either. Maker, she hoped he had somehow managed to escape the tower instead of falling prey to the demons.

She did not have much time to mourn the people there, as they rose one by one, nothing more than mindless corpses hell-bent on destroying them. They were swarmed soon enough, and that posed a threat, as they did not have much space to maneuver around and get into better positions. That left them vulnerable to attacks, but their luck was, that these attacks could be deflected with blades quite easily. The undead did not have any weapons but their own hands, and those did not do much damage against armor.

A minute later, their group was surrounded by a mound of corpses, and Lexi was getting increasingly desperate.

“All this death,” she whispered, her voice wavering, barely keeping herself together. It was just so much. So damn much to deal with. What if Cullen was already dead? No matter how capable, even he could not have survived all that.

“What the hell are those? Please, tell me that’s not human flesh,” Aedan’s disgusted voice pulled her out of her increasingly desperate thoughts. He was standing in the doorway leading into the next chamber, that happened to be empty. He was staring straight ahead, at the closed door, that seemed to have something… growing out of it and running along the stone above.

“Okay, not going to tell you that,” she reacted as she approached and opened the door.

Surprise, surprise, there were more demons and abominations awaiting them, and she was just getting so fed up with them both. She had decided to stop holding back, when she realized, that what Aedan did not want to believe happened to be true. There were several clusters of breathing, living flesh placed around the chamber, one more disgusting than the other. And Maker, the stench. It was… Lexi praised the lake for making her rid of the food that was in her stomach. She surely would have thrown up again if she had anything left in her tummy.

“I’ve seen some pretty fucked up shit lately, but this,” she heard the nobleman mutter as he tried to cover his nose. Emphasis on tried. There was no escaping that stench, so they moved on, entering the closest room. Two templars instantly ran at them, brandishing swords.

“Wait!” she tried to reason with them. “We are not blood mages! We are here to help!” There was no reaction to her words.

“They might be possessed,” Wynne told her. The growls the men let out only confirmed it for them, so they did not hesitate to put them down. Was this what happened to Cullen? Was he possessed, too?

The second room was empty, so they turned away from the doorway quickly. The third was full of templars who were controlled by a Desire demon, that ordered them to attack.

“They are only controlled! Don’t kill them!” she told her companions, then focused on the desire demon. She could feel as she was targeted with a spell intended to influence her, but she shrugged it off and blasted the demon with the strongest lightning spell she could manage. Yet it remained floating and laughed at Lexi’s failed attempt, thinking that she would not be able to repeat that spell. It was wrong. And it did not survive it. “Stupid demons,” she muttered and yelped when she was forcibly pulled out of the way of a blade.

“Be careful,” Leliana issued the warning and bashed the templar in the face with the butt of her sword to incapacitate him.

The others did a great job, as well, ensuring that all of the controlled men fell into peaceful slumber. Lexi hoped, that they did not make a mistake with letting them live. Only time will tell.

The fourth chamber next to the barricaded arch was also empty, so they soon turned around and headed towards the nearest stairway. Entering the hall, they were faced with even more clusters of animated flesh, each gross and smelling foul. The abomination and skeletal archers were dealt with swiftly and the way to the next level was free. Oddly enough, there seemed to be veins of lyrium protruding from the floor. She had no clue how that was made possible. To her horror, there were two Tranquils just standing around the meat-covered statues in the middle, as if patiently waiting their turn to be made into abominations. Lexi knew, that there would be no use trying to get them to leave, so they were left to stand there on their own while the wardens and their allies hurried up the stairs.

Even more gross meat welcomed them as they entered, but at least they had a moment to breathe as they approached the nearest hallway, meeting no enemies. But, of course, that freedom did not last long. They soon came across a lone templar being entranced by a desire demon. Try as she might, her words had no effect on the templar, as he fully believed the demon to be his wife in need of protection against the perceived intruders. Leliana and Aedan presumed, that she would want this man incapacitated like the others before him, so they used only non-lethal attacks, while Alistair and the two mages focused on the desire demon. Lexi only used the arcane attacks of her staff this time, because she was beginning to run low on magic and she knew that she needed to conserve her energy for Uldred and whatever hell he unleashed. That plan of hers went down the drain when the demon raised several undead creatures to fight for it and take the attention away, and she threw a fireball, that just narrowly missed the senior warden. He was never in danger; she was precise.

The last accessible room in the hallway was occupied by more templars and a blood mage, that was keeping them under her thrall. They were hoping, that her influence on the men would be gone if she died, but they were wrong, unfortunately, and that meant they needed to put the templars down after they were finished with her.

“How many floors does this tower have exactly?” Aedan asked her as he leant against the wall, his chest heaving. They were all beginning to show signs of exhaustion.

“One more, and that is only one chamber. We are nearly there,” she assured him as she placed a hand on his shoulder and cast a rejuvenating spell, that had him sigh in relief.

“I needed that. Thanks.” He gave her a small smile, to which she nodded, then turned to the bard and the warrior and did the same to them.

“We are getting close. Let us just hope, that Irving is still alive,” Wynne spoke up as they proceeded forward to the next chamber.

They came face to face with an ugly demon, that decided to converse with them, much like the previous one did. But, oh, Maker, this was infinitely more dangerous, as the more it spoke, the less control Lexi had of her body. She was just so exhausted. Laying down on the floor to have a quick nap suddenly seemed like a good idea.

She was in the senior mages’ quarters when she awoke, and blinked sleep out of her eyes as she sat. Details of her last memories were hazy; she would not have been able to tell when she fell asleep and what she was doing beforehand. That was odd. She felt strange, but she didn’t know why.

She jumped a little when a finger started trailing up her spine and she heard a sleepy voice murmur, “Why are you awake already? Go back to sleep, love,” Cullen told her, and her heart was beating so quickly in her chest, she could hear nothing else.

She glanced down at the half-naked man next to her and could only feel the worry overwhelming her instead of the happiness to find him in her bed. Was this even her bed? Since when did she have a room all for herself? She passed her Harrowing, yes, but wasn’t she also a Grey Warden? Or was that a dream? It felt real.

But so did this.

It was also dangerous. If anyone were to find them like this… When did this happen? Last time she saw Cullen was when… when… Ugh, her brain hurt just trying to think about it. But she was leaving the Circle, wasn’t she? And then she returned. Did she return? Everything was so hazy and she had no idea which was right and which was wrong. Why was this the scenario that felt wrong, though? This is what she wanted. To wake up next to him for the rest of her life. But that was a completely unrealistic dream.

A dream. Was this a dream? Was this only the Fade?

Yes!

She… She remembered demons attacking the Circle. And… and falling asleep against her will.

Lexi jumped out of the bed, her mind clear as she found the determination she needed to search for a way out of this dream she was pushed into. She intended to get to the door, but the dreamy visage of Cullen was right behind her and shoving her against the wall, his firm body trapping her tightly against it.

“You don’t want to leave me here like this, do you, love?” he asked her as he left a trail of kisses on her neck as he rested his hands on her hips, grabbing tightly. His breath was hot against her already burning skin. “We’ve barely had opportunity to do anything fun,” he added, as his hands slowly trailed her curves until he could squeeze her breasts. “Is this not what you want?”

Maker, this was what she wanted. To be this close to him.

But this was not him. This was fake.

Could it hurt, though? Just this once? He was so close, so tempting, and… And…

She gathered her magic and forced him away from herself. The growl that left his mouth sobered her up enough to send her strongest magic against him. But, Maker, the pained sound he made as her spell hit… It sounded just like him. What if it was him?

“Focus!” she scolded herself out loud. “The real Cullen might be on the brink of death in real life while you’re fucking around with his facsimile.”

That got the creature laughing in a dual voice. It was Cullen’s, but it wasn’t, and that only prompted her to attack him again, with the absolute strongest spell she could muster. It left her wobbling on her feet, but at least it also destroyed whatever that thing was.

So, Fade.

She needed to find the others. Get out as quickly as possible.

There was nothing to be done inside that room, so she pushed open the door and found nothing but a pedestal in front of herself. And a few lyrium veins she could replenish her energy at, thankfully.  Since there was nothing else to do, she touched the pedestal. Then the hard part of this strange captivity began. She found herself in a strange labyrinth she needed to get through to find her scattered allies.

It was Leliana she found first, down on one knee next to a revered mother, praying. She needed some convincing to see the farce for what it was, but once she did, they could deal with this manifestation quite quickly. Lexi could only hope, that she awoke in the real life when she disappeared from next to her.

Touching the pedestal again took her back to the maze, then into Alistair’s nightmare world, that involved a sister Lexi didn’t know he had. And a bunch of his nieces and nephews. Alistair was so happy, content really, being surrounded by his family that it felt like Lexi needed much more convincing to get him to see reason and admit this was wrong. It broke her heart to pull him away from what he perceived as happiness, but it was wrong. He knew it, too, and did not hold back when a fight broke out. He was a lot less calm than the bard when he started disappearing soon, and left Lexi to continue this on her own.

After tackling another part of the maze, she ended up near the Circle mage and several dead apprentices near her. Wynne was blaming herself for what happened to them. At least until Lexi made her see reason and the supposedly dead apprentices began begging her to stay with them. That was enough proof for the woman to turn against those perceived apprentices and fight against them by Lexi’s side. Within a minute, she was gone, as well.

Only Aedan and his made-up reality remained.

Touching the pedestal, she was sucked into his world, and she found herself in a dining hall of a castle. It was bustling with activity, people celebrating and seemingly having a great time. All, except Aedan himself, who had a mournful look to him as she approached him.

“Ah, Pup, is that the friend you told us about?” an older man asked her fellow warden.

“Yes, dad. Please, excuse us,” Aedan answered as he grabbed her by the arm and began towing her away from the table. He waited to get out of earshot of the people before he turned to her and cupped her face to take a better look at her. “You seem real,” he grumbled as he turned her face left and right. “Then again, so do they…”

“I am, they are not,” she assured him.

He sighed as he shut his eyes and let his hands drop away from her. “This is pure torture. I know that they are gone, I know that this is not real, but I find myself unwilling to leave them. Five more minutes, I keep telling myself. Then I would try to find a way out. But I never do. I keep getting roped into one conversation or another, that keeps me occupied enough to not want to go. Please, tell me that we can leave this hellscape.”

“We can. But we need to deal with the demons. I hope that not all of them will turn on us, though. I had been doing this for quite some time, having already gotten the others out of their own nightmares. Navigating a maze while constantly needing to change forms to escape the horde of demons that patrol the halls is not exactly easy. Let us just get this over with.”

“H-how?” he desperately asked her.

“Tell them that you will be leaving with me. None of the demons took kindly to me wanting to get our other companions away from them. I have a feeling, that these wouldn’t, either.”

He nodded at her, took a shaky breath, and approached the table. She followed him just in case, and began slinging spells once the face of his father twisted into a sneer. Most of the guests continued on with the merriment as if nothing was happening around them, but those that Lexi presumed were Aedan’s closest relatives all took up arms and attacked her fellow warden, completely ignoring her presence. That would not do, so despite her brain screaming at her not to do something so idiotic, she waltzed right up to them and put her back against Aedan’s, casting a spell on both of them to make them faster and their strikes more precise. She ignited their weapons to have those deal fire damage, and began whacking people with her staff as she continued sending one arcane bolt after another. They got a few scrapes and bruises, but eventually did deal with them all, and sagged against each other, breathing heavily.

“You know, you can be quite handy with a weapon,” he told her.

“I used to watch the templars’ training, so I am not completely hopeless.”

“Hm. I wonder why you found that so interesting,” he commented in a tone that made her think, that he already knew the answer to his own question. She shrugged against him. “Um, Lexi, what’s happening? Why am I disappearing?” he asked her, quite panicked.

“Relax. It happened to the others, as well. I’ll see you soon,” she assured him, but he was gone before she could have finished her last sentence.

She took a deep breath and approached the pedestal once more, hoping that it would allow her to get back to the real world.

She was still in the Fade, unfortunately. Alone, facing the Sloth Demon without her companions. It was not overly keen on letting her go, unfortunately, and she was mentally running over which spells would be most effective against it, when her companions spawned right behind her. Leliana loudly theorized, that it tried to keep them apart because it was afraid of them, and there might have been some truth to that, as the demon kept quiet while Wynne defiantly told it that it was no match for their united party. It… did not take kindly to being defied, as Lexi was unfortunate enough to experience, when it changed forms and faster than she could have reacted, hit her with a massive fist that sent her flying. The heavy impact left her disoriented and unable to get up for a few seconds, as the world kept swimming around her. She saw some blurred figures moving as they battled the demon, attacking it from all sides. One of them even leapt up onto its back, stabbing it with two swords. Must have been Leliana, then.

She groaned as she pushed herself up to sit, then to stand, keeping her weight on her staff, that was needed to be used as an anchor. She would have fallen were it not for that staff, that she did not use to cast spells. That’s what her free hand was for, sending a bolt of lightning at it. And she missed. Damn, she missed. When was the last time she did that? Such an amateur mistake! She never missed.

Rightly pissed off, not just at the demon, but at herself, she sent another bolt of lightning at it as soon as she could, and she did not skimp on the power this time, giving it her all. She did not care, because there was a lyrium vein right next to her, that she used to replenish the mana she spent as she watched Aedan stab his greatsword into its mouth, then out the back of its neck, finishing it finally.

She sighed, then almost screamed when another shape materialized next to her. She was still quite disoriented and out of it, so it took her a moment or two to recognize him as Niall. He asked them to take the Litany from his body; he had no illusions about his own survival, knowing that the Sloth Demon had been feeding off his life force for far too long. They awoke as soon as they said their goodbyes, and heard a loud thud as the body the demon had occupied fell to the floor, completely lifeless.

As was Niall, unfortunately, still with his eyes open, clutching the object that he risked everything for. Lexi vowed to make sure his sacrifice was not in vain. In her eyes, he died a hero, trying to save the nigh-unsavable Circle.

“Is everyone alright?” Leliana inquired, and Lexi could only stare at the gore that covered this floor.

“How could anyone be alright, living through this?” she muttered the question as she shut Niall’s eyes and pocketed the Litany of Adralla. “Let us get this over with. Who knows how long the Sloth demon kept us under? We do not have any more time to spare.”

By this point, she was convinced, that Cullen was dead. Probably part of one of the gory clusters of flesh. No one could have survived this. No one.

But she couldn’t let herself grieve just yet. She needed to stay level-headed and strong. Focused on the mission.

They still needed to find Irving. He was their priority. The Circle was lost without him.

Without waiting for her companions to say anything, she took off, all but running through the templars’ quarters, that seemed to be empty. The Sloth Demon had probably killed all the templars that were on that level.

Lexi could not fathom what dragonlings were doing beyond the nearest door. She was not aware, that the templars were keeping them as pets. Cullen never mentioned it, at least. Just… Why were there dragonlings in the tower? It did not make any sense! Was it Uldred’s doing? What would he need those for?

She decided, that it did not matter, as she created a smaller blizzard above them to compensate their affinity for fire, damaging and slowing them down enough for her companions to finish what she started.

“What were—” Alistair began to ask, when several abominations exited the nearby chambers and shut him up, as his attention was needed on dealing with those.

It wasn’t a tough fight, but Lexi was so done with this all. This… This useless carnage that served no purpose… All the death… Mostly of innocents, of course. She decided that she hated blood magic and everyone that practiced it with a passion. To commit something like this for power… For one’s own amusement or whatnot. It disgusted her to the core.

She left the hallway with a perpetual frown on her face, almost walking into a Shade that materialized in front of her. She pulled up a barrier just in time to protect herself from its sharp claws, then stepped back and blasted it in the face with a ray of fire, then a ray of frost when that did not do much. Her companions dealt with the rest by the time she was done with that, and she clutched her staff even tighter in her hand. There was only one more room before the Harrowing chamber, and she begun dreading what sight would await them up there, when she heard the muted screams.

She took a deep breath before she pushed the last door open, and gasped when she saw a familiar figure kneeling in the middle of a protective barrier.

“Cullen!” she cried out in unbridled joy as she ran right up to the barrier, her grin wide and her heart beating wildly in her chest. Nothing else mattered at the moment. He was alive! Maker, he was alive. She could have cried tears of joy.

He did not seem to be overjoyed to see her, though, as he just shut his eyes and muttered about tricks and staying strong.

“I was beginning to lose hope… All that carnage. Maker, how did you survive for so long?” she asked him, but he had no answer for her.

“Begone, demon. I know what you are! You keep tormenting me with her visage. But I-I will not break. I will stay strong. N-no matter what desires you show me!”

“Demon? Cullen, I’m me!” she tried so desperately to get him to see as she fell to her knees in front of him. “I’m not a demon.” He scoffed at her, not meeting her eyes. “We’ve been killing the demons. There were so many of them. So many,” she informed him.

When he still refused to talk to her, Wynne placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “He is exhausted. He is likely dehydrated and malnourished. It’s been days since Uldred’s attempt to take over the Circle.”

“Right. Right. The faster we deal with the bastard, the faster Cullen will be free from this cage.” Wynne’s reasoning was sound, so she turned back to the templar. “We’ll get you out soon, I promise.”

“Stop with the games and just kill me now,” were words she never wanted to hear from his mouth.

“He is delirious and has likely been tortured,” Leliana told Lexi what she knew already. It hurt her so much to see him in such a condition.

She didn’t know what to do. “W-we have water you can have. And… and I think I have some snacks in my backpack. Better than nothing,” she told him as she tried to hand him her waterskin, but he recoiled away from her.

“Stay away from me,” he spat, his words filled with hatred burning for her. Or for what he perceived her as. “Tempting me with what I want but cannot have. Always tempting. But I’m strong. You will not break me, demon! You can wear her face for as long as you like. I know that you are not my Lexi. I know that she is gone, like the rest of the Wardens.”

“Well, that’s where you are wrong,” Aedan spoke as he crouched down next to Lexi to get a better look at the templar. He waved at him. “I’m Aedan, that’s Alistair. We’re both Wardens. We survived Ostagar. And this is indeed your Lexi. She’s been on a warpath in the tower, worried for your safety.”

She grunted at him. “I don’t think you’re helping, Aedan.”

“You keep using my shame against me,” Cullen muttered, getting her attention again. “My infatuation with a mage.” He practically spat the last word.

“Shame?” she asked him. It felt like a world crumbled inside her. “Shame?!” she repeated herself, his feelings becoming clearer to her. She bit down on her trembling lip for a moment to choke back a sob that was building inside her throat. “Of course, you would be ashamed of it. An ever so dutiful, ever so righteous templar. And I’m just a mage. An abomination in your eyes, nothing more. Stupid of me to think, that…” she trailed off, not even daring to say anything, her emotions already threatening to overwhelm her. He did meet her eyes as she stood, her heart shattered into thousands of pieces. She steeled herself to hide her hurt and turned to her companions. “Let’s go. We have a blood mage to kill and a First Enchanter to save.”

“Lexi—” Leliana began, trying to say some comforting words, but one hard look from the mage was enough for the bard to shut her mouth.

She did not look at Cullen again as she hurried up the steps as fast as her legs could carry her. She just wanted to be out of the cursed place. To leave it behind again, never to return. Not again. Not after all this.

The Harrowing chamber was bathed in blood and gore, and light as they stumbled upon a ritual that resulted in yet another abomination. She could see Irving and several other mages writhing on the floor, bound and trying to get away from the abominations.

Uldred spotted them as soon as they entered, and was about to launch into a no doubt evil monologue about one thing or another, but unluckily for him, Lexi had run out of patience and cared not for what he had to say. There was no redeeming him, no saving. Only death awaited him and all that stood with him after all this destruction they had wrought. She had no mercy to spare, but had plenty of mana, so she did not hold back, attacking him with one spell after another in quick succession, even when he had revealed himself to be possessed by a Pride demon. That made the fight slightly harder, but Lexi felt confident in her and her companions’ abilities. While the others got the attention of the demon and its lackeys, she made sure to collect the mages and use the Litany when the demon attempted to take control of their minds. She had just managed to usher them downstairs, when the Pride demon released a wave of magic that swept her companions off their feet, and sent a powerful spell towards Lexi. Unfortunately for her, several of the abominations lived still, and one of them chose that exact moment to strike the helpless Alistair. Lexi had to prioritize and she chose the other warden, pulling a barrier up to protect him long enough for him to get a hold of his shield again.

She screamed the next second, as the full force of the spell caught her and sent her flying out the door, impacting against the wall and rolling all the way down to the bottom of the stairs. She whined as she realized, that one of the spikes of the cluster of gore was protruding from her thigh. Her entire leg throbbed in pain and blood was already dripping down to the floor and pooling underneath her.

She heard a desperate, “Lexi!” coming from the Harrowing chamber.

“I’m okay!” she assured Aedan, whom she could not see. “Mostly,” she grumbled to herself as she tried to keep herself from panicking. She took a few deep breaths, ignoring the terrified mages staring down at her, and with the aid of her magic, pushed herself off the spike, pumping a healing spell into her thigh. She yelped out in pain as she landed hard on her knees; she could not stand on such an injured leg. She healed herself again, cursing when the gaping wound knitted together, then she looked up at the approaching abomination that the other mages were too exhausted to lift a finger against. “Out of my way,” she snarled and pushed herself up, her hands already coated in a devastating amount of lightning, that tore the abomination to smithereens once she unleashed it. “Stupid demons and stupid abominations,” she muttered as she cast another healing spell and limped her way up the stairs, grabbing a hold of her staff. She used the Litany again when she caught the demon casting yet another spell, attempting to mind control one of her companions.

She rejoined the fray soon enough, detonating a Mana Clash right on top of it, that seemed to be ineffective, but still made it scream in frustration and angrily throw Leliana off its back. The woman landed hard, crying out in pain as she fell on her arm and no doubt broke it. She was covered in other injuries, as well, making Lexi realize, that Wynne was not able to keep up with all those injuries on her own while also trying to cast protective spells on everyone. The wear was beginning to show on the demon, so Lexi sent out a wave of healing of her own as she approached it, creating a spike of ice on the bottom of her staff, fully intending to skewer the demon with it. Naturally, it had other ideas, as it had no problems catching her swinging staff and lifting her off the ground, snarling and staring at her with furious eyes.

That also worked for her.

She swung herself at its face, letting go of her staff, and latching onto it with all the strength that remained in her, her fingers digging into its flesh. When she could tell that her hold was stable, she began sending as much lightning into its brain as she could. It soon began flailing around, but she stubbornly held on until it managed to sink its claws into her abdomen, and in her surprise and pain, she increased the strength of the spell enough to have it explode its brain outwards.

She didn’t feel or perceive much afterwards, as the world was rapidly going black around her, with a dull ache spreading through her body. She knew that she whined, when the claws were pulled out of her, but she could not hold her head up anymore as she was gently lifted into someone’s lap as they knelt.

She heard a series of “Lexi!” and maybe even a few “Lexana!” as Wynne did her best to heal the injury she was too out of it to treat on her own. She groaned when the world stopped spinning.

“Did I succeed?” she asked the blond man above her. For a second, she thought it was Cullen, but no, it was only Alistair.

“You mean, did you succeed in nearly getting yourself killed?” her fellow warden asked back as she blinked rapidly. “Yeah, damn near.”

“It needed to die,” was all she said as she pushed herself up to sit, still a little weak and groggy from all the blood loss. She quickly looked around. “First Enchanter Irving?”

“I am right here, Lexana,” the older mage assured her as he crouched down next to her and took her hand. She gave him a weak smile. “You did well, child. The Circle is safe thanks to you.”

“I didn’t do it alone. And it isn’t entirely safe until we get you to the Knight-Commander. He insists that he will only let go of the idea of applying the Right of Annulment if we get you to him in one piece. You do seem whole. You’re not missing any fingers, or the like, right?” she quickly asked him, trying to go for humor when she knew, that her every motion was watched by eyes belonging to hawks. The mage chuckled at her.

“No, I am only exhausted. But that is true for all of us. Come, let us not make Greagoir wait any longer,” he told her, holding a hand for her to grab onto. He slowly pulled her to her feet, and she cast another healing spell on herself just to be sure, that she was as good as she could be.

She stretched and moved her limbs to check, and found every limb in working order. “Well, I’m not going to collapse any time soon,” she muttered under her nose once she was handed her staff to lean on.

“You don’t have to walk, you know,” Aedan told her as he placed a hand on her back.

“I’m fine,” she insisted.

“Yeah, sure. And I’m the Divine,” Alistair reacted instead of Aedan. But they seemed to be in agreement, so she rolled her eyes.

“Help First Enchanter Irving instead. He is the one that had to endure torture for days, not me.”

“Ah, I would not deny any offers of help, that is true. I’m afraid I am not as young as I once was,” Irving confessed, and her fellow wardens did not hesitate to support him as they headed out of the Harrowing chamber.

Lexi stopped for a few seconds as she spotted Cullen standing near the doorway, his eyes firmly on the patch of blood staining her robe, his face unreadable. Then filled with shame as his eyes met hers, and he looked away from her, just as she suspected he would. It did not hurt her any less, but she was too exhausted to care about him.

“Now, as we head downstairs, tell me what brought you back to the Circle tower,” Irving prompted her to speak.

“We had two reasons. The first is the Grey Warden treaties we have that were signed centuries ago, invoking the Circle’s help during a Blight. The second is…” she scoffed. To even think of saving an abomination after all this… But they had promised. “It is about Arl Eamon’s son in Redcliffe. He is a mage and accidentally tore the Veil open, making a deal with a demon to save his ill father. I theorized, that we could save the boy if we used a ritual, where a mage could enter the Fade and separate the two. But we do not have the specifics of the ritual, nor enough lyrium to do it. I proposed coming here to ask for help, but after all this… There is barely anyone left,” she confessed with a weak, sorrowful voice.

“Ah, the second is… indeed problematic. But your theory is correct. The boy could be saved with the right ritual and a few mages. Not everyone would be able to do this, and I believe I will be needed. You will be the one to walk the Fade, I presume?”

“That is the plan,” she agreed.

“So that is one less mage I would need from the tower.” He thought for a few seconds. “Yes, I believe it is doable, once we have assured Greagoir that I am myself and that the tower has been secured once more.”

“Thank you.”

“It is the least we can do after what you just did for us all. We would have been lost were it not for you and your fellow Wardens, Lexana. So, thank you. All of you. And of course, we will fight by your side in the battle against the darkspawn when you call on us. We will honor this centuries-old agreement,” he assured her, then gasped as he realized the extent of the carnage that befell the tower.

No one had any mind to keep conversing as they made their way downstairs. To her biggest surprise and joy, the ground floor was full of survivors that had been hiding down in the basement. The abominations and demons did not get that far down into the tower, and they were safe down there. The massive doors were only opened when Irving raised his voice and politely asked the templars to open it for them.

Arrangements were made and Wynne was allowed to join the Wardens on their journey against the darkspawn when she asked, to Lexi’s delight. It never hurt to have such an accomplished healer on the team.

The needed lyrium was gathered for the ritual, along with whatever tome that contained it, and Irving chose three more mages to accompany them to Redcliffe. Lexi knew, that they were asking much, but Irving was aware of how dire the situation was and wanted to resolve it as quickly as they could. They were already done saying their goodbyes, when Cullen called out to her. He had been quiet up until then, but she could feel his gaze burn a hole into her skin. It would have filled her with excitement before, but it only angered her at that moment.

“Lexi—” he tried to say whatever it was he wanted to say.

“Save your breath, Ser Cullen,” she coldly threw at him as her icy, hardened gaze met his. “No need to keep thinking about your shame, for you will not see me again.”

She did not wait for a reaction and just walked out of Kinloch Hold, leaving her shattered heart behind.

Chapter Text

She kept quiet on their way back to Redcliffe, ignoring the looks she received as she stood at the bow of the ship with her arms crossed above her chest and her jaw clenched so tightly it was beginning to hurt. She still had nothing left in her stomach, so she could not throw up again as the ship sailed against the waves. She felt the nausea, but her pain and anger and despair over what happened at the Tower were way worse. So, she stewed with the fury inside her, watching the looming figure of Redcliffe Castle get closer and closer as the sky slowly turned dark.

“Leave her,” Wynne gently, but firmly told someone behind her. “Your friend is nursing a broken heart at the moment. Give her time.”

Lexi didn’t know who she was talking to, but they mercifully let her be until they had docked at the village. She had heard the mages being briefed of what transpired in the village, so they were not overly surprised to see it in such disarray and emptiness. Empty, much like her heart felt.

She wanted to scream at the world. At herself, for being so utterly stupid to think even for a second, that…

“Focus!” she chided herself as she clenched her fists, startling her companions, who were surprised to hear her speak.

They were already at the gates of the castle, and were ushered inside by the patiently waiting Ser Perth, who grinned at their return and opened the gate for them, then followed them inside. The rest of the Wardens were in the middle of supper and were left choking and sputtering on their food as they saw the sorry state Lexi and the others were in. But especially Lexi. Her entire robe was drenched in blood, but she lacked the incentive to care about it.

A series of concerned questions were asked, and she ignored them all. They had a job to do, and they all had a long day, so it was Bann Teagan she approached. Even that man looked at her with concern.

“Any news of Connor?” she asked him, her voice but a shallow imitation of what it usually sounded like.

“He hasn’t been seen since he ran out of here,” she was told.

“Good. We brought the help needed to do the ritual.” She turned towards the mages, who were already busy with the preparations. “They will need but a few minutes to set it up.”

All of the wardens were staring at her with various degrees of concern, but she kept ignoring them. She was there to solve a problem, so that is what she was going to do.

“Seeing the state that you are in, my lady, I presume there were some complications in the Tower. Are you well?” the nobleman decided to ask her as they watched the mages mill around the place.

“No.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” he kindly asked.

A simple, “No,” continued to be her answer as she approached Irving. Lady Isolde would not leave him be and kept asking questions about the ritual, and how it would help her son.

“S-should we bring the blood mage?” the lady asked her.

“Jowan will not be needed for this. He would only fuck it up even more,” she bluntly told her, and the woman blanched at her language.

“Jowan?” Irving asked her curiously.

“He did not get far before he was hired by Teynr Loghain to poison Arl Eamon. He is currently in the dungeon and that is where he is staying. I wish to leave it to the Arl to decide Jowan’s fate. Once he awoke.”

Irving’s face crumpled. “That boy keeps making one mistake after another. He never learnt to heed your words and take your advice.”

“We are ready, First Enchanter,” Enchanter Elvira intruded on their conversation. The woman was obviously exhausted, like most of them, and probably wished to be in bed already. Soon.

“Thank you, Elvira. So, I assume it is still the plan to have you enter, correct?” She resolutely nodded. He did not seem as confident. “You know, that I trust your abilities, Lexana, but what you have been through at the Tower… None of us would think any less of you if you decided to pass this task off to someone else.”

She scoffed. “I have a personal beef with demons, First Enchanter. I take any chance I can get to destroy them. I can do this.”  

He sighed as he motioned for the mages to bring the bowl full of lyrium forth. “Sometimes, you are too arrogant for your own good. But very well, it is similar to the Harrowing. You just touch the ly—”

She did not let him finish, too eager to be done with it all. Her consciousness was instantly sipped out of her body and thrust into the Fade, and she set out to find this blasted demon. She came across dozens of echoes of Connor and who she presumed was Arl Eamon, walking aimlessly through the Fade, desperately crying out for each other, but never being heard. None of those but one paid her any mind, the only solid spirit that was the Arl himself. He implored her to find his son, only focusing on Connor and nothing else, so Lexi moved on quite quickly, seeing it for the useless conversation it was. Passing through the nearby purple mist teleported her to another part of the Fade, where she only met the confused boy, that accused her of hurting his father and promptly attacked.

It was not a challenging fight, and Lexi suspected that the real Desire demon was hiding somewhere else. That this was only one manifestation of it. Not that it mattered. She enjoyed every second of fighting it.

Returning to the purple portal, it teleported her somewhere else, as expected, with another Connor waiting for her nearby. Naturally, talking to it got her nowhere, but telling it that she was seeking the demon got her into another fight. This time, with a Lesser Rage Demon added to the mix. It was easily dealt with; frost magic did wonders against its fiery body. Lexi dared say the other demon was beginning to get frustrated with her resilience as it used its strongest spells against the mage. None got past the ward she pulled up, but all of her own spells struck true, eventually destroying this manifestation, as well.

Getting through another portal, she sighed upon seeing the third Connor that decided to initiate conversation with her. Again. Ending in a fight. Again. This time, with two additional Rage Demons. One struck Lexi from behind, so it had the element of surprise and got a good hit in, making her cry out in pain as her back boiled at the heat of its attack, her skin hotter than the sun itself. Curse them all, these vile creatures!

Losing her patience more and more, she sent out a powerful blast of cold towards both demons, freezing them solid until she dealt with the Desire Demon. Then she promptly froze them again, then shattered both when she swung her staff at them. Beginning to feel the wear of the day, she took a moment to take a breather, then clutched her staff and walked back to the purple portal. This time, no more illusions waited for her, just the demon itself. Speaking and acting seductively, the demon offered to talk instead of fight. Lexi chose to fight, not falling for its attempts to charm and distract her.

It was a more challenging fight that had Lexi sweating by the middle of it. It was the demon’s lair, so it was much more powerful than before, and several times, when Lexi got a good hit in, it multiplied, to confuse the mage. Lexi cursed when she was fooled twice before striking true, then with a powerful lightning bolt, managed to destroy the damned thing. She sunk to her knees, exhausted to the core, then blinked her eyes open to a familiar sight.

It was Alistair once more that made sure she was comfortable on her back, and she blinked up at him, trying to ignore his small, goofy smile and visible relief that flooded his features. She pushed herself up to sit, rolled her shoulders, and gazed up at the noblewoman who was almost shaking in anticipation.

“It is done. The demon is destroyed, and your son is free,” she informed the woman, who choked back a sob and immediately ran off to check on her son. The Bann was hot on her heels, and Lexi groaned. “We should follow. Just to be sure.”

“You should rest, Lexana,” Irving told her, giving her a proud smile. “You have done well today. I have always been proud of you, but today’s events only cemented the feeling even more,” he admitted. She gave him a weak smile and nodded.

“I could use the rest,” she agreed, her mouth already threatening to pull into a yawn.

“We have been assigned rooms in the guest wing,” Duran approached and reached out to help her stand. She wanted to bat his hand away, but Alistair all but pushed her back towards him, so she soon relented and accepted the help. “Come along now, don’t make me drag you. It would be a sorry sight.” She snorted at that, earning a grin from the former prince.

She did turn back to the mages. “Thank you, First Enchanter. This couldn’t have been done without your help.”

“You would have found a way,” he assured her, but she did not believe him. This was the best outcome they could have hoped for.

She gave him one last nod before following the dwarf, barely aware of her surroundings. She didn’t even know if others were following and she did not rightly care, to be frank. Her mind was all over the place, and yearning for a soft bed to fall into. In the guest wing, Duran walked past all of the doors, only stopping at the end of the hallway, at a door right next to the one that led to the battlements. He opened the door wide for her, and her jaw dropped. It was quite a sizable chamber, with a large bed and several pieces of furniture. There seemed to be no bedrolls or backpacks around, so she got the feeling, that this was hers for the night.

“We all have separate rooms?” she asked him as she placed her staff on the desk before the window and took her backpack off, placing it right next to it.

“Yeah. With so many dead… All they have is space in the castle right now. Room service lacks, though, so if you got the munchies, you ought to find the kitchen yourself or if you want to bathe – that you definitely should, by the way, you reek of something’s guts – you got to do it yourself, I’m afraid. Most of the maids were killed and turned into walking corpses.”

“Right,” was all she had to say as she began rooting around her backpack for a spare robe and when she turned around, she found Duran staring at her oddly nervously as he bounced on the balls of his feet. “Anything else?” she prodded, as emotionless as she could get, ignoring the people crowding the doorway, thinking she could not see them.

“Well, I—”

“It can wait,” she heard Aedan’s hard voice as he pushed his way into her chamber, looked around, and nodded in approval before seeking her gaze. “He is not wrong about you stinking the place up, though. I’ll get some water up for you to bathe in. I’m guessing you can handle getting it to the right temperature.”

She groaned as she started untying her hair. “That will not be necessary. I will just change into a cleaner robe and climb into bed.”

The man put his hands on his hips. “Oh, no. You cannot see yourself, but you are covered in gore from head to toe. You need that bath.”

“It is quite a scary sight, to be honest,” she heard Darrian’s quiet comment. “With the dark circles around your eyes and whatnot,” he added, then yelped when Natia punched him on the side and gave him a stern look.

She groaned again as she leant against the desk and exasperatedly stared up at the ceiling. “Fine,” she grumbled, then Aedan and several others were gone to help him. Only the women stayed, with even Morrigan sending her worried looks. And that woman notoriously cared for nothing and no one but herself. Maker, Lexi really must have been a sorry sight. She sighed. “Leave me alone,” she asked them weakly as she turned around and idly picked at the threads of her backpack until she heard the door close.

She remained there, staring out the window until the men returned with her bathwater, quickly filling the tub in the room. They even brought her some soap.

“I don’t suppose you would want someone here to help you?” Aedan asked her, but one hard look from her was enough of an answer. “See you in the morning, then.” She just mutely nodded at him, waiting for him to move. He did not. “We’re in this together. Don’t push us away,” he added.

“I’m not. I just don’t have the patience for people right now,” she admitted. Her answer seemingly eased his mind, as he sent her a small smile before he followed the others out.

The bath did end up doing wonders for her fried nerves and aching body, especially when it got nearly hot enough to scald. But it was what she needed, and she wished she could have remained there soaking for hours, but she saw it best to scrub herself clean as quickly as she could as her eyes began drooping more and more. She did not bother drying her hair at all before she threw her nightwear over her head and climbed into the bed. She ended up staring at the canopy overhead for minutes, before exhaustion won and claimed her for the day.

She tossed and turned the entire night, her mind plagued by nightmare after nightmare. It was the middle of the night, after she had woken for the third time, that she decided she had had enough of seeing the wardens and their allies massacred in increasingly gruesome ways, and she climbed from the bed and left her room to walk the battlements. There was not a soul, nor light source in sight, only an approaching storm that sometimes illuminated the area as lightning struck. She held out for minutes, her body shivering as she tried to hold her tears back, but it was all for naught.

She fell to her knees as she thought about recent events. About all that useless death. About the joy and relief she felt when they found Cullen alive. Not so well, but alive. All of her nightmares were filled with echoes of his voice. Even as he kissed her, he reminded her that he had never been more ashamed of himself. Even as he made love to her, his mouth was pulled into a disgusted sneer. Shame, shame, shame, echoed in her head, and it was worse than the rest. The rest, she could explain and understand. But that…

She could wail and cry all night, and she would not understand it. Their interactions seemed so genuine, but was it all a lie? What did he want from her then? Did he even want anything? Surely, if he was like Gavin, he would have made a move before. She was so confused!

Shame, his voice kept reminding her.

No, his feelings were genuine, she knew that. He wouldn’t have been that dismissive. It would have hurt her less otherwise.

Shameful infatuation. Ashamed of desiring a mage of all people. Who could befriend and then want a mage without feeling nothing but complete shame? Shame, shame, shame.

Maker, will the echoes never stop?

She sobbed as she leant against the battlements, awaiting the arrival of the storm. She didn’t move when the thunder startled her. She didn’t move when the lightning struck too close for comfort and what was safe. She didn’t move even when the cold rain started pelting her and soaking her completely. She didn’t move, when someone came through the door she left open and met her broken gaze with pity filling his own.

She watched silently as Alistair braved the storm to get to her and crouch down by her side.

“There is a storm out here, in case you haven’t noticed!” he yelled at her to make sure she would hear him in the heavy downpour. “You’ll catch a cold.”

Her vacant gaze didn’t move from his as she shrugged. “I don’t matter,” she flatly told him. “Don’t care.”

“Well, I do!” he protested as he scooped her up into his arms.

“You shouldn’t. I’m just a mage. I’ll always be just a mage. Not worthy of friendship, not worthy of love, not worthy of anything. Just a mage to be ashamed of. One bad decision away from becoming an abomination in the eyes of everyone,” she resentfully muttered, crying as he hurried inside and deposited her onto the bed, grabbed a dry towel and began drying her. She continued staring in front of herself as he worked, her tears flowing down her cheeks.

“Don’t say things like that,” he tried scolding her. “You are a Grey Warden, the same as us, and many of us would be dead already were it not for you.”

She ignored him. “I was never supposed to leave the Tower. I should’ve been there to fight against Uldred. Then maybe,” she choked on her words for a second, “maybe more would have survived.”

“You would have died.”

She cocked her head to the right, lifting her vacant stare to meet his. “Would that be that bad? Death comes for us all one day.”

He blinked at her for a few seconds, his eyes large. “I’m not good at pep talks. Maybe I should get Aedan. Or Wynne. Yeah, she seems wise, and the two of you have a history,” he muttered quickly, wrapped her into the towel and quickly left the chamber.

She moved no muscle until he returned with Wynne in tow, the older mage sighing as she pulled a chair in front of Lexi. “Snap out of it, young lady. This is unbecoming of you,” the healer began. “You need to pull yourself together. The Wardens need you. They depend on you.”

“They shouldn’t. I’m just a mage.”

Wynne made a frustrated sound that was closer to a groan. “You are their mage, Lexana. You keep them safe, protected. Or does that not amount to anything?”

“They have other means to protect themselves. I’m here only because I am useful to them. Once that changes, I will be discarded and forgotten. No one cares. And why would they? There is only shame in caring about a mage.”

The older mage gave her a sorrowful look. “So, that is what it boils down to. Cullen did not know what he was saying. He was tortured for days, Lexana.”

“The hatred in his gaze and resentment dripping from his voice was real enough.”

“That may be so, but he was still influenced.” When Lexi did not react, she sighed again. “You are young still, destined for so much more. He is but one man, that broke your heart. Possibly the first of many, but—”

“No,” Lexi interrupted her. “My heart will never be broken again, for I will not let anyone else inside it. Why would I? There is only pain in love.”

“That is not true, and you know that,” Wynne protested.

“Do I?” she asked as she cocked her head to the right. “There is nothing left but grief and pain. All that death… For nothing. Uldred achieved nothing with it. And I cannot stop seeing it. I cannot sleep, because I keep seeing the same thing happening to the Wardens. Over and over again, and I’m powerless to stop it each time. I’m supposed to be strong. Powerful enough to protect them. Then why can’t I protect them, Wynne? I keep failing them!” she sobbed as she pulled her knees up and hugged them. That’s what she needed. Someone to hug her, to keep her from falling apart. Like Cullen did. He didn’t hug her many times, but when he did, it only strengthened her.

Thinking about him only made her sob more, as she leant her forehead against her knees and ignored the senior enchanter in front of her.

“Stay with her, Alistair,” the mage told the warden. Lexi didn’t even realize, that he was still in the room with them. “I will get her something to allow her to sleep.”

“No sleep,” Lexi protested vehemently. “That’s where the nightmares are.”

“You will not be able to protect anyone if you are sleep-deprived, young lady. Do you want your nightmares to come true?” She shook her head, still not looking up at the older woman. “Then you must sleep.” She sniffled as she nodded, and remained sitting like that even when the mattress sunk next to her and a warm hand was tentatively placed on her shoulder. She had a feeling that the warden didn’t rightly know what to do in such a situation.

His continued presence wasn’t entirely welcome, nor was it unwelcome. Not really. Lexi wanted nothing more than to be left alone, but still have people around her. It was so confusing. All of it.

Her sobs had died down by the time Wynne returned with an herbal remedy in her hands. “Get under the covers,” Lexi was ordered, and she did not have the strength to defy the older woman.

She climbed underneath the blanket and took the hot concoction that would help her sleep. She knew, that she needed to drink it while it was hot, so she began sipping it, careful not to burn her tongue. It was potent enough, that Lexi had begun feeling its effect in a few minutes, her entire body filling with comforting warmth and her eyes drooping once more. She was only halfway through the drink, when the mug was gently taken from her. She wanted to protest, but only a yawn emerged from her mouth and no words, and that was her cue to lay down and try to sleep. And sleep she did, until the storm was nowhere in sight and the sun was high in the sky. Her stomach rumbled as she sat up and rubbed sleep out of her eyes. It had been over a day since she ate anything, so she changed out of her night clothes and found another robe to wear after she incinerated the one she wore to the Circle Tower. There was no spell that could get that amount of gore and blood out of it and there was no point to keep lugging it around.

She did not check on any of her allies, just wandered the castle until she came across someone that could tell her where she could find the kitchens. She was kind of lost, because she did not pay attention last night to where Duran was leading her. The elven servant guided her towards the main hall, where she found her companions in a heated discussion. She lingered out of view for a few seconds to get a sense of the topic.

“You would have us chase legends?” Lyna asked Leliana, sounding pissed off. “Does it escape your notice, that there is a Blight on? We should be heading to Orzammar and to my fellow Dalish instead of trying to find some woman’s ashes!”

“That woman is Andraste herself,” the bard pointed it out as she crossed her hands above her chest, her Orlesian accent more pronounced than usual. “Any ailment can be cured with just a pinch of them.”

“If it even exists!” Lyna continued protesting. “My point is, that we do not know if it even exists, Leliana! We could be wasting weeks with trying to locate them, while people keep perishing in the Blight!”

Several more people tried to convince the elf that it was the right course of action, but they kept talking over each other and were giving Lexi a headache, so she took a deep breath and entered the hall.

“What do we need the ashes for?” she asked them as she sauntered over and picked an empty plate up and set out to fill it to the brim. Only silence welcomed her. “Yes, yes. I’m not dead yet. If you all could stop ogling me and just answer the question, I would appreciate it,” she threw at them as she continued picking food for herself.

It was Aedan that did, after clearing his throat. “With the demon’s influence gone, Arl Eamon’s condition remains unchanged. Lady Isolde has told us, that she sent out several knights looking for Andraste’s ashes, famed for its healing properties.”

“Only we have no idea if it even exists,” Lyna took over grumpily. “Our only lead is some Brother Genitivi in Denerim, a scholar of some sorts.”

“So, you think it would be a waste of time?” she asked the elf as she sat down next to Sten, who almost had as much of an appetite as a warden did.

“We could lose weeks traipsing around Ferelden, looking for one lead after another, only to end up nowhere.”

“That’s true,” she agreed as she began devouring her food.

“So, you agree with Lyna? That it would be nothing but a waste of time?” Aedan asked her, sounding surprised.

“I did not say that,” she protested with a full mouth. “But yes, logically speaking, it would be. But, since it is not only the Blight we need to fight, but Loghain himself, along with most of the Fereldan nobility, we will need the Arl and whatever support he can get us. His sort-of familial connection to Alistair is a boon to us and could only gain us credibility in the long run. I think we should try to find this Brother Genitivi. Who knows, even he might prove to be a valuable ally to us.”

“Well, that’s decided, then,” Aedan added enthusiastically, grinning at her.

“However,” she continued, “I do not think we should all head to Denerim. Let’s be honest, we are a colorful bunch and stick out like a sore thumb. Denerim is Loghain’s territory, and he’s met us all already. I have no doubt, that the city watch had been informed to be on the lookout for people with our descriptions.”

“You suggest we split up?” Duran asked her, and she nodded.

“He knows nothing about our newest allies, for with the exception of Senior Enchanter Wynne, none of them were at Ostagar. And let’s be real, people would be too distracted by the horned man,” she pointed a thumb at Sten, “to pay any attention to his companions. I’m not saying that none of us Wardens go with them, just not all of us.”

“So, where would the rest go?” Aedan got curious.

“To the Dalish,” Lyna answered in her stead. “Then we could meet back here.”

“That’s actually not a bad plan,” Duran agreed as he thoughtfully stroked his beard. “We could get two in one journey. I support it. Those in favor of it raise a hand,” he proposed. They were in complete agreement, that made the dwarf grin behind his beard. “Well, that’s the spirit, Wardens. Unity. I like it.”

“Will we be able to leave today?” Aedan asked her, prompting everyone to start staring at her again, to her growing annoyance. Since her mouth was full, she only nodded. “Alright. We should let Lady Isolde and Bann Teagan know,” he added as he stood.

That reminded her. “How is Connor?” she asked them with a full mouth. They did not understand her, so she swallowed and repeated the question. “How is Connor?”

“He is well. Doesn’t seem to remember anything of the massacre and undead,” Alistair answered her. “He did ask after you, though.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Me?”

The man nodded. “He remembers encountering a black-haired lady in the Fade. We presume that it was you.”

She furrowed her brows, thinking about the events in the Fade. “I don’t remember meeting him. The demon did disguise itself as him many times, but I don’t think I met the kid. I did speak to Arl Eamon, though. He didn’t make much sense, unfortunately. He only wanted me to find his son, so I did not waste my time conversing with him.”

“You didn’t even mention!” Alistair accused her.

She sent him a look. “My mind was all over the place. It still is,” she added, frowning, and went back to eating, hoping that she would be left alone. She was, thankfully.

They were ready to set out within the next hour, to head back to the West Road, towards Denerim this time. They said their goodbyes to the nobles and assured them that they would do everything they can to find the ashes, then set off, with many hours left until nightfall.

Chapter Text

The road was a mess. Last night’s thunderstorm ensured, that they would be walking mostly in mud, some of them almost losing their shoes as they sunk into the mud. It slowed them down somewhat, so they did not make nearly as much progress as they would have liked, but at least the weather was dry otherwise. It was cloudy by the end of the day, but they could make camp without being drenched by rain.  

They had their own routines by then, whose tent goes next to whose, and so they had managed to set up camp within a few minutes after deciding on a campsite just off the road. Acquiring food was Lyna’s job as the resident hunter of the wardens, and Leliana and Darrian joined her in her hunt while the others got everything else in order. They arranged the watches for the night, but they would not let Lexi take any. She tried arguing with them about it, but her protests were drowned out quickly enough. Not that the added rest did her any good in the end. She tried to sleep, like the rest did, but she just tossed and turned again, her mind bringing up one painful image after another.   

Her mind wouldn’t let her forget Cullen, no matter how much she did not wish to think about him. It reminded her of the present he gave her a few weeks before, that was still deep inside her backpack. She couldn’t even stomach looking at it and considered adding it to the rest of the wood of the bonfire, that Alistair and Natia kept going, as they kept watch when she emerged from her tent with the wooden sword in her hand. She wordlessly sat down next to them, crossing her legs and staring at the names as the light of the flames danced on the wood.   

“Can’t sleep?” Alistair asked her.  

“No, I can’t. I think I’m not exhausted enough right now. It was almost noon when I awoke. Besides, my mind is too active,” she answered as she trailed one name after another with a finger, not looking up at either of the wardens.  

“What’s that for?” the dwarf asked her as she scooted closer. Lexi considered not answering her.  

“It was a gift from Cullen for my birthday a few weeks ago, after the original was destroyed earlier. That one was from my brother, Marcus, given to me the day we were both taken to a Circle. The only thing I’ll ever have of my family. The names of my siblings carved into a wooden sword,” she added, scoffing. “A reminder of everyone I’ve lost.”   

She raised her gaze to the dancing flames, thinking about simply throwing it into the fire to let it burn like the first did. But she couldn’t. She simply couldn’t bring herself to part with it, and she hated herself for her weakness.   

“Can I borrow a dagger?” she turned to the dwarf when she got an idea. She was given a weird look after the question, but Natia was too curious not to oblige. So, she was soon handed a small dagger and began carving into the wood a familiar name. Cullen. A reminder of yet another person that was lost to her.  

“You are carving his name,” the dwarf realized.  

“He is lost to me now, so it is fitting. I came here with the intention of just throwing it into the flames, but I cannot bring myself to do it. I had carried that wooden sword with myself for nearly thirteen years. Even though this is not the original, it is still too precious to be cast aside like that. It’s stupid, I know, but—”  

“It’s not stupid,” Alistair rebuked her immediately. “I once had an amulet with the symbol of the Faith on it. Belonged to my mother, who died giving birth to me. I got so upset when Arl Eamon told me that I was to be given over to the Chantry, that I threw it against the wall. The amulet shattered to pieces, and I’ve been regretting doing that ever since. It was the only thing I had of my mother. So no, you deciding to keep that wooden sword is not stupid. You would only hate yourself if you cast it into the flames.”  

She mulled his words over for a few seconds, her hand stilling in its motions to finish carving the U. She gave him a small smile when she realized, that he was right, then remembered something.   

“Your nightmare in the Fade,” she recalled. “You have a sister. Um… Goldanna?”  

He frowned. “Yeah, that’s right. She doesn’t even know I exist, though. I do know, that she lives in Denerim, so maybe I will seek her out once we get there. If-if we have the time, I mean. Maybe. If that’s alright with you,” he added anxiously.   

She shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I’m going to the Dalish. I’m not leaving that half of our party without a healer,” she explained when she saw his questioning gaze. “Knowing our recent luck, I would be surprised if the elves would wish to join us without needing something first. Probably something dangerous. Because why not?”  

Natia snorted next to her. “True enough, sister.” Lexi just blinked at her upon hearing her last word. “What?”  

“You called me…”  

“Sister. Yeah. We do share blood now, if you really think about it. Darkspawn blood, but still.”  

“Heh. She’s not wrong,” Alistair chimed in, amused. “We’re just one big, not so happy, dysfunctional family, us the Wardens.”  

“We’ve been pretty functional so far,” Lexi insisted.   

“Really? Lyna and Darrian got into a heated argument on the road just a few hours ago about archery techniques,” the man countered her. “I thought Lyna was going to grab his head and twist it off his neck.”  

“Oh, please. That’s just sexual tension,” the dwarf argued. “I’m betting, that those two will be sharing a tent before we get back to Redcliffe.” She suddenly grinned up at Lexi. “I would actually bet those five sovereigns you got from Aedan for winning your last bet.”  

Lexi just frowned as she went back to carving. She was doing a decent job. “I don’t have that money anymore. I used it to buy Sten’s Asala from the dwarf that bought it from someone else. It was either that, or have Sten start a fight for it, and the people of Redcliffe have lost enough. We could not have him kill one of the only remaining fighters in the village. And I can be charming, but I could tell, that dwarf did not like me much, so I didn’t even try to talk him into handing the sword over just like that.”   

“Aw, well, no bets, then,” Natia reacted, a little saddened. “Unless you do have another five remaining.”  

“Nope, sorry. I’m going to need it. I want to have my staff modified. I’ve come to realize, that it needs a blade.”  

“A blade? What for?” Alistair asked her.   

“To stab things with it. Duh,” she told him, and Natia stifled a laugh, seeing his stunned expression. “What else would I need a blade for?”   

“But… You fight with your magic,” he insisted.  

“Yes, and in case you haven’t noticed, I’m a squishy, weak thing without it. What if we come across some rogue templars that mistake me for an apostate and drain me? Or… Or what if someone charms you and turns you against us? You could drain me and then skewer me with your sword and I would be able to do nothing but whack you with my staff. I mean, not that I would want to stab you, but… Okay, maybe that was a bad example,” she added as she saw his mortified look. “But my concern is valid. I am practically dead weight if I’m drained. I would feel a bit better about my chances of survival if I had an effective weapon.”  

“That’s what swords are for, though?” he uncertainly told her. It sounded more like a question.  

She just struck her left arm out and pointed at her lack of muscles. “Do you see that? That’s where muscles would be. If I had any. In theory, I know some moves I could use with a sword. In practice, I would not be able to use them.” They both gave her weird looks, and she smiled reminiscing about a certain view. “There was one templar that I enjoyed watching as he trained,” she informed them, thinking back to the last time she watched a training session. Then tears started filling her vision, so she blinked rapidly and gave all her attention back to the carving.  

A small hand soon wrapped around her forearm in support. “He doesn’t deserve you,” she was told in a soft voice.  

She had no reaction to that, but a nod, and Natia understood, that she wanted to drop the subject. So, the three of them lapsed into silence, the other two wardens keeping an eye and ear out for any movement outside the camp until it was time for them to wake the next pair for their watch. Lexi was done with the carving by then, so she retired to her own tent in hopes of getting some sleep. To her biggest surprise, she did end up having a dreamless night as she held the wooden sword close to her chest. If she were naïve, she would have believed, that it must have protected her as she slept. Kept the demons at bay.  

For the next several days, her sleeping habits remained the same. She was the last to fall asleep, only retiring to her tent when she absolutely could not keep her eyes open any longer. She fell into a constant state of exhaustion that only made the nightmares worse and worse, and she had noted with horror, that it made her more of a target to the demons of the Fade. Each night, she had been approached and once nearly coerced into saying yes to one of them, and she awoke drenched in sweat, terrified of her weakness.   

She needed to find a way to rest better, so she approached Wynne as they were walking and told her that she still had problems sleeping. That hot tea helped her last time, and the enchanter was happy to tell her what herbs she used to make it. It was a rare herb, so Lexi needed to ration it, she knew. She was hoping, that she would be able to procure some in Lothering, but they only found the village razed to the ground, abandoned by the villagers and refugees alike. Many of them did not make it and were gruesomely displayed on makeshift gallows and piled on top of each other. It was a sight that had her heart constrict in her chest. There were children amongst the bodies! Children.   

Maker… They needed to hurry with gathering their armies.   

The wardens were planning on camping in the village, but seeing the devastation and death the darkspawn left behind, they saw it best to walk further along the road towards Denerim before making camp. Some would call that lucky, others bothersome, as this allowed them to be ambushed by assassins led by a blond elven man. And they thought they were just trying to help someone out with a bandit situation. Oh, well…  

The location of this ambush came as an advantage to their enemies, as their archers had the higher ground with better view of the wardens and their allies. They picked it out carefully. Professionally. This was no mere accident that the wardens were the ones to happen upon them. They were the target.  

They soon scattered to the wind as more enemies revealed themselves, and right as Lexi was casting Rock Armor on herself to get at least a little bit of protection, she was tackled to the ground from behind, nearly eating a mouthful of dirt.   

“What the—” she began, rightly upset with whoever was on top of her.  

“You were in the way of the falling tree,” Aedan told her, his breath almost tickling her ear. “Are you okay?”  

“I will be better once you get off me,” she grumbled at him, earning a wink. A second later, his weight was gone from her and he ran into the fray, leaving her on her own, already busy dodging arrows even before getting her feet underneath herself.   

She angrily set a fireball off on her left, setting three out of three archers on fire. Even more so than they were already from Morrigan’s own fireball. Two of them soon crumpled to the ground, succumbing to their wounds, and she could finally stand as the others made quick work of the rest. It was obvious to all of them, that the blond elven man was the leader of them, so Duran held his blade to the man’s neck once he was disarmed, intending to get some answers from him. Rabbit joined the dwarf to provide some added intimidation, and it worked, as the man was visibly unsettled by how quickly his own men were dispatched of.   

Once they were all dead, the interrogation began. He introduced himself as Zevran, of the Antivan Crows, and he seemed to be quite chatty despite having a blade to his throat. He told them, that Loghain hired the Crows to take care of his warden problem, and that since he had failed to do what he was hired to do, his life was forfeit whether they ended up killing him or not. He offered to work for the wardens from then on out, on account of never being given a choice before. He was supposedly bought as a child from the slave market and had no choice but to become a Crow.   

To Lexi’s surprise, Duran pulled the sword from his neck as he turned towards the rest. “What do you think?” he asked them. Lexi already did not like where this was going. “We have agreed before, that we need all the help we can get. An assassin could prove to be a good asset.”  

“I don’t know about you, but I usually don’t invite people that have tried to kill me to join me at dinner,” Natia protested.   

Alistair snorted as he crossed his arms above his chest. “Yeah. This screams desperation on our part. Assassin’s business is always nasty.”  

“Duran isn’t wrong, though,” Darrian argued. “Neither are you, for that matter. But we are desperate, Alistair. That’s the entire point of our journey right now. I say we give Zevran a chance. It’s not like he could kill us all on his own, no matter how good he is.”  

“The poison he might carry would disagree with you on that,” Lexi murmured as she suspiciously narrowed her eyes at the elf. He grinned at her. “But fine. He may join us. Under constant supervision.”  

“Who wouldn’t want to be watched by such stunning eyes like yours?” Zevran asked her, going for a charming approach, but it only had her roll her eyes.   

“Quit while you’re ahead. It’s not going to work,” she bluntly told him.   

He shrugged, still grinning at her. “Couldn’t help myself.”  

“Are we sure about this?” Aedan spoke up, his voice bordering on furious, for whatever reason. Since Rabbit was still next to the elf, he snarled a warning at the man.   

“Yeah. Let him join us,” Lyna agreed with the rest. It was all she needed to get the attention of Zevran, who gave her the same charming smile that Lexi was immune to. Lyna seemed to be just as immune, though, as she leveled an unimpressed gaze at her fellow elf.  

“Fine,” Natia agreed, as well, albeit quite reluctantly, and sheathed her swords.   

“Splendid!” was Zevran’s reaction, as his grin never wavered. He recited an official-sounding oath to them, pledging his loyalty to the wardens until released from it.  

They looted the bodies, taking what coin they had, and even some armor pieces that were better quality. They did not bother moving the corpses and just left the area to be as far from them as possible, looking for the perfect campsite for the night. They were almost done setting their tents up when the dwarves that they had met once before – Bodahn and Sandal – approached them, steering off the road. They seemed a tad bit spooked, and asked if they could indeed travel with the wardens. For protection, and whatnot. The wardens let them, in exchange for a small discount on their wares, and the dwarf was happy to oblige. At least they could sell their newest items and make some coin. They desperately needed more coin.   

Nearly a week went by when they arrived to the edges of the Brecilian Forest and to the point where the teams would part ways. They still had plenty of time before sundown, so they did not make camp as they discussed what needed to be done.   

“So, who goes where?” Duran asked them. They had discussed it days before, but some of the wardens could not decide which team they wanted to go with. They had agreed that unlike most of their non-warden party members, Zevran would be going with Lyna’s team to keep him away from the city and the trouble his presence could cause. At least for that one trip. “I’m going to Denerim.”  

“Me, too,” Darrian raised his hand. He had wanted to check up on his family, so it was given, that he would be going with.   

Lexi caught Aedan counting heads, probably trying to decide for himself whether he should go with or not. But since Rabbit would have accompanied him, it would have tipped the scales in one team’s favor. They wanted to sort the teams equally. That way, it would be six-six, plus one mabari.   

Natia turned to Alistair when he did not raise his hand to go to the capital city. “You’re not going with them? You mentioned, that you wanted to visit your sister.”  

The warrior almost seemed flustered at the simple question. “Y-yeeah. I’ve been thinking, and if I do look like King Cailan, then I think delaying my visit to the city might be the best for now. I know, that we would need to go there eventually, but I don’t think I’m ready to be stared at.”  

His reasoning made sense, but Lexi couldn’t help but think, that it was nothing but a flimsy excuse. She did not bother questioning him, though.  

“Alright. So, we will meet back at Redcliffe castle,” Duran spoke once more as he checked his pack. “Don’t die in the forest,” he warned them.   

“Worry about yourselves, Duran,” Lyna told him as she fiddled with the string of her bow. “This is my territory. I’ll keep them safe.”  

The elf was given a resolute nod as the two wardens and their allies, including the dwarven traders, followed the West Road. The rest of them entered the Brecilian Forest, searching for the Dalish.  

It took them a few days to track down the nearest Dalish clan, and it wasn’t Lyna’s, unfortunately. The woman was hoping, that by some miracle, they would have remained nearby instead of moving on as they were planning to do, but she had no such luck. She did most of the work in the forest, her survival skills coming in handy multiple times. Lexi had no idea how they would have found a clan if the elf wasn’t with them.  

Staying true to their decision, they did not let Zevran out of their sights, to the enjoyment of the elf. He seemed to like the attention and was frequently caught winking at them. Even the men, who both developed a perpetual frown on their faces thanks to their newest addition. They did not trust him with keeping watches, so that limited their options.  

Lexi’s sleeping habits were unchanged; nightmares upon nightmares waited for her, and many times she awoke with a scream nearly escaping her lips and her chest heaving. More often than not, it ended with her quietly crying in the safety of her tent, not bothering her companions with her weakness. She hated herself, that she wasn’t strong enough for this burden. The others were doing fine! Why wasn’t she? Why did she have to be such a mess when they relied on her so much?   

She wanted the nightmares gone, but even the remedy Wynne taught her to make was becoming less and less effective the longer she used it. Her body was starting to get used to it and that was the reason the nightmares started resurfacing more and more. That left her less willing to sleep, and sharing watches with those that were supposed to be keeping watch instead of sleeping. They all knew why and said nothing to her about it. They did start getting worried when the dark circles around her eyes started becoming more and more pronounced.   

“She cannot go on like this forever!” she heard Lyna snarl at the others, thinking she could not hear them. “She is barely sleeping, she is barely eating! How long before she collapses?”  

“She is drinking that awful smelling thingy that Wynne cooked up for her,” Alistair added. “I was there the first time she drank it. She only needed less than half a mug. Now even an entire mug of it is useless. I don’t know how to help her.”  

“Can you magically make the nightmares disappear?” she asked them, revealing her presence. “Or tell the demons that want to make me their bitch each night to fuck off? No? Then stop trying to come up with a solution to a problem that has none. I’ll get better with time.”  

“Demons?” the senior warden asked her.  

She just negligently waved his concern away as she sat down to brew more of the sleeping draught for herself, putting more herbs into it to make it more potent. She had not tried that before, because it could easily turn into poison and kill her. She was willing to take the risk.  

“They’ve been trying for years. Don’t worry about it,” she threw at him as she focused on the concoction, yawning as she ran her fingers through her free hair.   

“How can we not?!” Lyna demanded to know. “You just told us that you could turn into an abomination any night and we are supposed to ignore the threat that would pose?”  

She frowned at the elf. “That is a threat with every mage, Lyna. Every night. Not just me. Their visit simply got more frequent since the Tower.”  

“I don’t care about every mage! You are the one we have and could turn against us without warning!” the hunter insisted.   

“I’m not going to turn against you.”  

“You don’t know that!”  

“Yes, I do. Like I said, they’ve been trying for years. If I didn’t fall for their tricks when I was only twelve, I doubt they could do anything to convince me now, when I am stronger and wiser than I used to be,” she explained. It did not ease the wardens’ mind at all.   

Lyna continued stewing as she went off to hunt with Rabbit in tow, and the others continued giving Lexi inscrutable looks that got old really quickly. She raised an eyebrow at them the next time she looked up and wasn’t surprised to have them all quickly avert their eyes in turn. She sighed as she massaged the bridge of her nose and shut her eyes. She had a headache the size of a house, but she knew that it was probably the consequence of her terrible sleeping habits. It didn’t take long for one of her companions to kneel down behind her and place his hands on her shoulders to try and ease her tense muscles.  

“Sleep with me tonight,” she heard Aedan’s suggestion from behind herself.   

Her eyes were wide open the next second, and her face took a red hue just as quickly. “Excuse me?!”  

“Oh, oh, Maker. Not like that. Sleep next to me, I meant,” he scrambled to correct herself. “Separate bedrolls, of course.”  

“What would that solve?” she asked him as she turned back to look at him. His face was slightly reddened, as well.  

He shrugged at her. “Maybe nothing. Maybe a presence next to you could help you.”  

She just frowned at him. “That would never work. I’ll be fine,” she insisted as she shrugged his hands off and focused on the sleeping draught.   

“Lexi—” Alistair began, his voice worried.   

“I’ll be fine,” she repeated herself, because they simply did not know when to quit. He pursed his lips at her stubbornness, but did not speak again until Lyna returned with their food for the evening.   

Lexi was the only one that did nothing to help the preparations, as she was too busy drinking the sleeping draught that might have been more potent than she wanted it to be. She all but fainted within a minute of beginning to drink it, and she was out cold for almost two days. She was beginning to worry her companions with her unresponsiveness, as they did try to wake her.  

A familiar face with grey eyes staring deep into her soul was the first thing she saw when she blinked her eyes open. Aedan let out a relieved sigh as he let his forehead drop against hers in a strangely intimate way, that made her uncomfortable a bit. “Thank the Maker,” he murmured, then was gone from above her and out of her tent. “She is awake,” she heard him assure the rest.  

“That was about time!” Natia barged into the tent, and Lexi groaned as she held her head. She did feel revitalized, but the loudness of the dwarf’s voice was not what she needed. “You were out for over a day! We thought you were dying!” the dwarf continued all but shouting at her as she threw herself on top of the mage and wrapped her arms around her in an affectionate way.   

Lexi patted her back as she pushed herself up to sit and the dwarf to kneel. “I’m okay, Natia,” she assured the dwarf, who then sniffled, trying to disguise it as a cough. She did not let go of Lexi until her stomach growled for food. Then she was standing and pulling the mage up to stand without asking first, and towing her out of the tent.   

Lexi couldn’t even get a word out before she was being pushed onto a log to sit and a bowl was being handed to her. She looked around, confused as to why everyone looked so furious so suddenly.  

“Did…something happen when I was out?” she tentatively asked them as she began her midday meal.  

“Did something happen, she asks!” Alistair mimicked her voice, his brown eyes narrowed at her.   

“You poisoned yourself,” Zevran spoke when Lexi did not dare to. “You put too many herbs into that sleeping draught. I know, I have killed with such a poison. You almost killed yourself.”  

She frowned at him. “Almost is the keyword there,” she pointed it out. “I took a calculated risk. It worked, didn’t it? I’m feeling more energized than I had felt in weeks!”  

“You could have died!” Alistair spoke with an exasperated voice.   

“But I didn’t.”   

“Not for lack of trying on your part!” She shrugged, prompting him to crouch in front of her and place his hands on her knees. “Do you not value your life at all?”  

“Like I said, it was a calculated risk,” she repeated herself. “With my warden metabolism, I figured even a stronger dose would not kill me.” Alistair continued giving her a stern look, so she just started stuffing her mouth and patted the top of his head with her free hand. His hair was softer than she expected it to be. “I’m okay. You can all stop fussing over me. I won’t become useless anytime soon.”  

“Is that why you did that?!” Aedan asked her as he crouched down next to Alistair. “Because you were worried about becoming useless?”  

“Yeah,” she agreed with a full mouth, shrugging, then swallowed the food. “You were all thinking it. I know. Don’t even bother denying it. I would have been nothing but dead weight to you.”  

The men in front of her gave her odd looks, but it was Natia that spoke up. “Lexi, I think you misunderstood us. We were worried about you not because you would have become useless to us, but because you are our friend, and we hate seeing you in such a state.”  

“Friend?” Lexi asked for clarification and found the dwarf giving her a kind smile.  

“Yes, friend. And friends care about each other. Worry about each other.”  

Lexi bit down on her lip as she mulled her words over. The only real friend she had was Jowan and that relationship only existed because he constantly needed her help with spellwork. Anders was only rarely there. And Cullen… She wasn’t sure about him anymore.  

“I never had many friends,” she told Natia. “People didn’t like me much at the Circle… Do you really mean that? That we’re friends?”  

“Of course, I mean it!”  

Lexi grinned at her, then looked at the men in front of her as she placed the bowl into her lap and held her hands out for them with palms up. “Friends?” she asked them hopefully and was rewarded with matching smiles as her hands were taken.   

“Friends,” they agreed.   

She gave them a shy nod as she pulled her hands back to resume eating. “I promise to be more considerate of your feelings from now on,” she promised them. “And take better care of myself,” she added when Aedan opened his mouth. He closed it quickly and smirked at her as he stood.  

“Good,” was his reaction as he placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed for a second.  

“We should get going soon,” Lyna approached them, ignoring the bonding moments that took place but a minute before. She did not offer her friendship and Lexi did not expect her to. “We’ll disassemble the camp while you’re eating,” she added, then poked Alistair in the arm to get him moving. He was still crouching in front of Lexi, his hand still palming her knee.   

“Right,” he reacted as he stood and followed the rest to pack their tents up. They even got hers, even though she would have been able to do it herself.   

She did feel better than she did before, so she felt ready for whatever awaited them in the heart of the forest.  

Chapter Text

Lyna continued taking point during their trek, and kept them on the tracks of a Dalish clan. They needed but a few hours to arrive to the outskirts of their encampment, but they did not get a warm welcome. Lexi theorized, that the elves would have been even more hostile had they not seen their elven guide when they surrounded the wardens’ party.   

Some traditional elven greetings later, they were bid to follow the elves to the edge of their camp, where they were introduced to that clan’s keeper, Zathrian. The humans and even Natia got resentful glares as they walked, but they had enough sense not to be bothered by them. They had nothing against elves, and they had no wish to antagonize them, so not reacting to the sneers that welcomed them was the best course of action.  

As predicted, getting the elves’ help was not as easy as it sounded. Their keeper had informed them about the troubles they were facing as he guided them to what seemed like an infirmary. The sight of several wounded, writhing in pain set Lexi in motion, ready to help, but Alistair grabbed her arm as soon as she wanted to move. He gave a pointed look at the other elves that were staring at them suspiciously, silently telling her that maybe getting involved without asking first was a bad idea. She frowned at him, but nodded. He wasn’t wrong.   

Zathrian explained to them what exactly happened to the clan’s warriors as Lexi tried to get a good look at their injuries without getting any closer. Werewolves happened. She didn’t even know, that they existed! She had read the stories, but… there are so many things written down, half of it, or perhaps more than half of it nothing but fiction.   

She was going to offer her help with the injured but the keeper informed them, that even with magical healing, the warriors would not make it. They would soon be killed before they had the chance to become werewolves themselves. Lyna was eager to help this clan, so she asked if there was anything at all that could be done to help the injured or stop the attacks. They were given a name: Witherfang. Supposedly a great wolf that had the curse and spread it around. None of them questioned how he knew that; it was a keeper’s job to be informed of such things. Zathrian theorized, that if the wolf’s heart was given to him, he could destroy the curse. It was all hypothetical, but better than nothing. Lyna agreed to help the clan even before consulting the others. Not that they would have decided otherwise, but they were supposed to be making decisions together. They did not call her out on it, since it was obvious to them, that she was worried about the lost hunters that went into the depths of the forest but a week before, and did not return.  

Lexi had no wish to get involved with such creatures. Knowing her luck, she would only end up bitten and turned within a day. But, since they needed the elves, they had nothing to do but look into this problem. After gathering some additional information on these attacks, accepting a few jobs that would take them into the forest anyways, and successfully stocking up on herbs, they ventured even deeper into the forest.  Lexi thought it stupid, that they would not camp where it was safe – with the elves in their encampment – when the sun was already setting above them. They had but two hours of daylight left, maybe not even that much, but it was enough for them to find a small clearing to set up their tents near a small stream that provided them with fresh, clean water.   

As was usual, it was Lyna that went hunting, taking the mabari with herself, while the rest prepared the necessary things for their dinner. Aedan offered to join them, because they were in dangerous territory, but the elf just scoffed and considered the discussion done.   

Lexi decided not to brew any of the sleeping draught in her free time; she did not feel like she needed it yet. Besides, she wanted to try sleeping without its aid. Maybe her nightmares would be gone… Wishful thinking on her part, she knew, but she had to hope.  

Their preparations were interrupted by Lyna’s scream and Rabbit’s howling to signal that they were in danger. The rest were instantly on the move towards the voices and found the elf laying in a growing pool of blood, her hand on the large gash on her abdomen and Rabbit standing guard over her, snarling at the wolfpack that surrounded them. Lexi sent a chain of lightning at the wolves, instantly killing two that were injured already and alerting the rest to their presence. She did not care about the wolves any longer and focused on staying away from the thick of the fighting as she sent a strong healing spell at the elf, whose face immediately mirrored relief as soon as the spell started working. Lexi sent another at her, and a smaller at Rabbit, whose fur seemed to be coated in blood.   

It did not take long for the first werewolf to appear out of the bushes, effortlessly knocking Aedan’s greatsword out of his steady grip and seizing the man from behind, a large clawed hand hovering right over his throat, ready to slash down. The same thing happened to Alistair, only he still had his shield he could use. For about a second, before it was yanked off his arm. Judging by his scream and the pain twisting his features, the werewolf managed to break his arm in the process. Broken bones were best healed as popped back into place, so she did not dare help him just yet and instead focused on keeping the werewolves from slashing down on her friends’ neck. No matter how much the beasts wished to kill with their claws, those did no damage whatsoever to the men, to the werewolves’ frustration and her friends’ relief.   

She kept the spell going even as the third werewolf appeared and grabbed her, one of its claws already cutting into her skin. There was nothing else she could do. Keeping two at bay was already taxing enough. She could only hope, that the rest of her companions could get the men away from danger.   

“Foul,” the beast growled at her after it licked its claw clean, and she tried not to let her panic show. They could talk?!  

Where the hell were Natia and Zevran?  

As if reading her mind, the werewolf behind her howled in pain as the assassin’s blades rapidly cut into it, prompting it to let her go and in turn allow her to throw a fireball at the other two, singeing their backsides. She knew, that her companions felt the blast, but also knew, that they would be protected from its harmful effects. Both creatures growled, then howled in pain as Natia jumped from the bush and began slicing while Lyna recovered enough and began shooting. Rabbit ran to the aid of his human, viciously biting into the beast’s leg, intending to tear it off, and this unbalanced it enough to let go of Aedan. He instantly scampered for his nearby sword and joined his dog while Natia freed the other warden, who could not fight as efficiently with one broken arm, but continued giving his best. Lexi whirled around just in time to see the furious werewolf’s large hand clamp down on Zevran’s entire head, doing its best to crush his skull, and while Lexi still did not trust him much, she wasn’t about to let him die like that. So she gripped her staff as tightly as she could and created a blade of ice at its bottom, ending up stabbing the beast from the back. It was already wounded enough to be considered dying, and this injury was enough to kill it.   

“Are you alright?” she asked the assassin as soon as he pried its hand off his face.   

“I am well, yes,” he agreed, and it was enough for Lexi to turn back to the rest.  

The werewolves were dead, so she ran to the senior warden, who cradled his broken arm to give it at least some support. She took her belt off and held it up to his mouth.  

“I need to set this before we get back to camp to ensure it heals well. Bite down on this. It is going to hurt,” she told him, and after a brief pause, he did as asked. “Let go,” she added, tugging his other arm away, then once it was away, she gingerly pulled his gauntlet off and rolled the sleeve of his tunic up as much as she could. The skin was already purple, which indicated that it was a severe injury. Next, she palmed his elbow with one hand to give his arm some support and ran her fingers along his skin, pushing in some places, earning some pained grunts. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I need to know exactly where the bone is broken,” she explained, and once she mapped his injury up, she gripped his wrist with her free hand while continuing to support his arm with the other, and pulled, earning a scream from the man, that had her wincing. She needed a few seconds to set the bones straight, only then was she allowed to heal him. He was panting by then, his eyes squeezed shut. Lexi slowly reached for her belt and pulled it back once his jaw slackened. “You should refrain from putting much strain on it for now. I will get some ice for it once we are back at camp,” she assured him.  

“What for? To freeze it off?” he asked her, then scowled down at his hand.  

“No, dummy. To lessen the aching.”  

“I’m not a dummy,” he murmured under his nose as he squinted at her.  

She rolled her eyes. “You are, when you ask questions like that,” she retorted as she turned to the rest of her companions, ignoring Alistair’s hurt feelings. “Anyone need any more healing that cannot wait until we are back at camp?”  

Lyna raised her hand. “I wouldn’t mind another.” Lexi immediately used another spell on her, earning a thankful nod, then healed herself, since her neck was still bleeding a little.   

The others were fine, so after studying the werewolf corpses to get a better sense of their build, maybe find some weak spots they could exploit against the next ones they would face, the Grey Wardens returned to their hastily abandoned camp. Everything was the way they left it, so they could continue making their dinner. Since Lexi’s help wasn’t needed, she did not offer it, and instead waved the senior warden over to the blanket she was sitting on.   

“How is your arm?” she asked him as she grabbed it to take a closer look. Her friend did not bother pulling the gauntlet back on, so she only needed to roll his sleeve up again to take a look at it. The bonfire near them was bright enough for her to see, so she tried to angle his arm that way as she observed the discoloration.  

“Still hurts a bit, but it isn’t broken anymore,” he told her as he flexed his fingers.  

He did not yelp out in pain as she began tapping on his forearm again, but just to be sure, she cast another healing spell before she wrapped a hand around the still purple spot.   

“We’ll stay like this for a bit, okay?” she asked as she subtly cast a frost spell, that soon sent a chill down the other warden’s body. “Just a few minutes. Then I’ll let go of you,” she assured him.  

“Yeah, you are the expert.” He shrugged as he turned to watch the rest of their companions. “You lied to us, by the way,” he said after a few minutes. She had no idea what he meant, so she looked at him with a questioning gaze, her brows furrowed. “You told us, that you would take better care of yourself and yet you did not bother protecting yourself the same way you protected us.” He gave her still slightly bloody neck a significant glance.  

“It was hard enough to do that for the two of you. I couldn’t do it for three,” she explained. “And I wasn’t about to let one of you die just so I could live.”  

“I see,” he reacted, giving her a scrutinizing gaze, as if searching for a lie. When he couldn’t find one, he frowned and tore his gaze away from hers, falling into silence.  

She kept the spell going for the next couple minutes, then when she figured it was enough, she let go of her friend and accepted the bowl that was handed to her.   

She was not tired enough to retire to her tent after their dinner was concluded, so she volunteered for the first watch. So did Zevran. The other wardens protested letting only the two of them keep watch, but she assured them that they would be fine. The elf did end up saving her earlier, so she doubted he would try anything to harm her. He didn’t. They talked about many things, though. He was talkative and did not bother hiding his past or any secrets of the Antivan Crows, answering all questions she asked. She learnt many interesting things about him, and the longer they talked, the less she minded his presence. Maybe Duran was right; having an assassin friend might come in handy somewhere down the line.  

Before she knew it, it was time to raise Aedan and Natia for the next watch. Lexi dreaded the dreams, so she needed a few minutes to prepare herself for the nightmares. Unfortunately, these still plagued her sleeping hours, but at least the demons stayed away from her. Still, she shot up with a cry on her lips, that quickly turned into a sob as her mind repeated the traumatizing images of her nightmare. She must have been louder than she thought, because by the time she pulled her knees up to hug them, the flap of her tent was raising and Aedan was standing at the entrance.  

“Nightmare?” he asked her as he knelt by her side. She did not trust her voice enough to speak, so she nodded. “My offer still stands, you know. My watch is almost up, so just say the word and I’ll drag my bedroll in here.”  

She sighed as she combed through her hair, weighing her options. She needed the rest, so she agreed to try. “Fine. Maybe having someone near will help.”  

“That is what I hope for,” he said as he backed out of the tent to gather his own bedroll. She made sure there was enough space for him by the time he returned. “I’ll wake Alistair and Lyna up, then I’ll be back before you know it.” She only nodded at him, then patiently awaited his return, staying sitting. “Are you planning on falling asleep like that?” he asked her as she remained like that, even after he had already made himself comfortable.  

“No,” she murmured and threw herself onto her back.   

It didn’t take her friend long to scoot closer to her and pull her to his chest, hugging her close. She had never slept this close to anyone before, so she could feel her face redden in embarrassment. She was thankful for the darkness that ensured he would not see it.   

He continued fidgeting until one of his arms was underneath her and the other over her. “Do try to sleep, okay? You are safe,” he whispered to her as he squeezed her close. It certainly made her feel like he needed this contact as much as she did. Maybe even more.   

“Aedan?” she spoke about a minute later to get his attention. He hummed, indicating, that he was still awake. “How are you? I-I mean… after what happened to your family…”  

“I’m… getting better. No need to worry,” he assured her. His voice sounded too hollow to hold any truth to it.  

“I’m your friend. I cannot help but worry,” she muttered, earning a low chuckle and another squeeze. “I’ll be here once you are ready to talk,” she assured him.  

“I know. Sleep now, Lexi,” he softly told her, already half asleep himself.  

She did manage to fall asleep again and only woke twice during the night. Both because of more nightmares. Aedan’s presence and closeness did end up helping her feel safe enough to dare fall back into slumber both times, so she had a feeling this would not be the last time they would be sleeping like this. By the time morning came, Rabbit had curled up at their feet and was snoring louder than Natia usually did, and that was an accomplishment in itself. Her friend was still asleep, so she took a few seconds to look at his peaceful features. There was little else to do, because they were so closely intertwined, that she wouldn’t have been able to get out of his embrace even if she wanted to. His arms were tight around her, and she realized, that she did not mind this closeness. It was a new experience, to allow someone this close. Even a week or so ago, she wanted Cullen next to her. Not anymore. Even just thinking about him hurt, and he continued showing up in her nightmares, souring her memories of him even more.  

After about half an hour, she did gather the courage to extricate herself from his hold. “Five more minutes,” his sleepy voice stopped her in her motions.   

“Didn’t know you were awake already,” she whispered to him. “Or did I wake you?”  

“No, been awake for a while,” he confessed as he started running his fingers through her hair. It was an intimate gesture, that made her redden and grab his arm to stop him. She did not want him to get the wrong idea about this. This was about sleeping, and that would remain like that if it were up to her. She fidgeted until he let go with a sigh and allowed her to exit her tent.   

Only Zevran was missing from the campfire when she sat down next to the dwarf and got a smirk from Lyna. “Had fun?” she was asked.   

“Had some rest, more like,” she corrected her as she yawned.  

“So, it worked?” Alistair asked her as he poked the fire with a stick, avoiding looking at her. For some reason.  

“It did. I still had nightmares and woke twice more, but at least I could fall right back asleep,” she detailed as she started braiding her hair to get it out of the way.   

“Then we could take turns sleeping next to you,” Natia offered. “If it really does help, then we should do whatever we can to help you.”  

“Yeah,” was Alistair’s simple agreement.  

“I-I mean, I’m not going to say no to that,” she reacted, flustered that they would possibly sacrifice their own good night’s rest for her.  

“I’ll pass.” It did not come as a surprise to Lexi that Lyna would not agree.  

“Lyna—” Natia began, giving the other woman a scolding look.  

“It is fine, Natia,” Lexi interrupted her. “We are not going to force her. I’m not going to force either of you,” she added, looking back and forth between the two wardens that agreed.  

“To do what?” Aedan asked them as he emerged from the tent and yawned.   

“Take turns sleeping next to me.”  

He just blinked at her, as if not comprehending what she was saying. “Take… turns?”  

“Yes. Last night, you shared a tent with me, tonight someone else will, then another, and so on and so forth,” she explained.  

He seemed almost disappointed. “Right. That… makes sense,” he pushed out, seemingly distracted as he walked off to get his own things in order.   

Lexi continued looking after him, trying to solve this change in his attitude. She did not get to solve it, however, since Zevran woke not long after, and they planned their day ahead.  

Chapter Text

The deeper into the Brecilian forest they went, the more wild animals they came across. They even found patches of darkspawn that their senses had alerted them to just in time. The oddest thing to happen to them was their meeting with a pack of werewolves that did not attack them on sight and instead began a conversation. Swiftrunner was the one leading them, and tried to convince them to abandon their goal and return to the Dalish. He sounded vengeful, as if blaming the elves for the curse that made and continued to affect the werewolves.   

Unfortunately, Lyna was done talking to them, and prepared to raise her bow, a sneer on her face, but Aedan held her back. They were not done talking to the werewolves. The elf did not take this well and gave a furious look to the other warden, who seemed unaffected by it. The beasts felt the hostility towards them, so they decided to take the incentive and attack the wardens, who had learnt a lot from their previous encounter and had an easier time fighting. The fight did not end with the beasts dead, though, as they were smart enough to realize, that they were outnumbered and decided to retreat while issuing a warning to the wardens.   

Their Dalish companion continued stewing in anger and giving the nobleman the most furious look she could muster and without consulting them, started after the werewolves.   

“Sure, follow the deadly beasts,” Lexi heard Alistair mutter under his nose. She smiled at the tone he used. “What could go wrong?”  

“You know, Lyna, we could have used some more information,” Natia spoke as she wiped her bloody blades clean on the grass.  

“About what? These beasts have been ambushing and murdering my kin! All they deserve is to be riddled with my arrows,” the elf snarled at her.  

“Don’t you want to know why Swiftrunner blames the Dalish for their curse?” Lexi asked Lyna.  

“I don’t care. They deserve to die,” the elf shrugged.  

“Lexi brought up a good point, though,” Natia agreed. “That assumption needs to have some sort of truth at its core, right?”  

“Even if that were true, I’m certain, that they deserved to be cursed,” Lyna insisted as she squinted at the ground, following some tracks with her eyes. The next moment, she was crouching down and taking a closer look at the dark patch in the grass. Lexi could only tell that it was dark colored, probably blood, and the hunter might have been even more certain, as she stood and readied her weapon again. “Someone was wounded nearby. Probably a Dalish,” she informed them as she began following the tracks.   

“Or one of the werewolves we fought a minute ago,” Alistair pointed it out.  

Lyna scowled up at him. “I think I can tell the difference between the tracks humanoid and bestial feet leave behind.”   

“I suppose,” the senior warden relented, and started after the elf.    

They did come across several more werewolves, but none were wounded before they attacked the wardens. It was a tougher fight, as the beasts almost seemed rabid, with how ferocious and slightly uncoordinated their attacks were. They were grouped together with the melee fighters, so Lexi could not set off any really devastating spell and continued sending lightning and arcane bolts at them. Eventually, their numbers thinned out, and by then, Lexi focused on healing her companions, spending most of her energy on support spells instead of offensive.   

The elven warden did not even give the corpses a second glance and instead kept following the tracks that led them past a few dead in templar armor. Lexi could not fathom what templars were doing in the middle of the Brecilian forest, away from the chantry. Were they hunting an apostate?   

Lyna walked right past them, not bothering to question what their corpses were doing there, but Natia, as was a habit of hers, rifled through their pockets and scrounged together some coins, pocketing all to be distributed later.   

The hunter soon found the elf whose tracks she had been following. The man was dangerously pale as he tried to hurry away from the approaching wardens, probably thinking they were there to harm him. He seemed relieved to see they were not his enemies, but fell unconscious before he could have told them anything but the reason he was in the forest. The same as they were, to retrieve the heart of Witherfang. Lexi revived him with a healing spell after they made sure he only had claw marks and no bite marks on him, and he was more than surprised that a human would decide to help him. He introduced himself as Deygan and told them, that he was one of the hunters Zathrian sent out, but he had no information on the beast they were searching for. Lyna offered to escort him back to the Dalish camp, but the man was confident, that he would be able to make that journey on his own, so they parted ways soon enough.  

Following the trail of the werewolves, the wardens all stopped in their tracks as they arrived to a small wooden bridge, sensing the group of darkspawn nearby. The problem was, that the darkspawn sensed them in return. Saw them, too, as the ugly ogre was roaring the next second, calling out to its smaller brethren. Lexi reacted quick enough to send a powerful fireball at them, that killed two of the smaller darkspawn and even seemed to harm the large one a bit. She wanted to throw another ball of fire, but her friends were already getting up close and personal with the enemy and she did not dare set an explosion off near them. So, she switched to support spells, casting one that made their weapons sharper. She was all but forced to switch back to using destructive magic, as the wardens were surrounded and pummeled from multiple sides at once. The ogre was the most problematic, as Alistair had the misfortune of learning. The ogre’s fist slammed into his torso forcefully enough to send him flying off the hill they were fighting on, out of sight of the rest of them.  

“Alistair!” Natia screamed his name a few seconds later, hoping to get a response. When she got none, Lexi abandoned casting the chain lightning and walked around Lyna as the elf continued firing arrow after arrow at the ogre.  

She ran down the slope, approaching the unmoving body of her friend, her heart hammering wildly in her chest. She knelt down by his side and watched his chest to see if he lived still. She cast the strongest healing spell she knew once she realized, that he was alive, and it was enough to elicit a pained grunt out of the man. He was heavy, wearing armor from neck to toe, but she managed to turn him onto his back and lift his head into her lap to make him at least a bit more comfortable as she continued healing him. It did not take the rest of her friends long to deal with the darkspawn, as she soon heard a loud thud that could only mean that they dealt with the ogre. The rest of the darkspawn were not much of a threat.   

Alistair began blinking his eyes open within a few seconds, his eyes groggy and unfocused, and he muttered something that sounded like “Pretty,” to himself as he glanced up at her. She had a feeling, that she misunderstood him.  

“What was that?” she asked him, hoping for him to say if he was still injured.   

Instead, his eyes grew wide, and he made an almost startled sound. “Pretty…uh…sure, that I need some more healing.”  

She did not misunderstand him, then. She just did not let him finish his thought.   

“Where does it hurt?” she asked him.  

“Kind of…everywhere?”   

“You are really not having a good time in this forest. First your arm, now this...” she commented, then frowned down at him. It was dangerous to heal him without at least seeing the bruising, but she had to, so she cast another strong healing spell. She heard something snap back into place, and he gasped, then bit down on his lip to stop himself from cursing.   

“Is he alive?” Aedan yelled the question at her from atop the hill. He was out of Lexi’s view when she looked up.  

“He is! He’ll be back on his feet in no time!” she assured him.   

“That’s great!” Natia joined their conversation as Lexi cast yet another healing spell on the man near her.  

She realized, that she needed to ration her more powerful spells, as she began feeling a little tired. She sighed, when she remembered, that they had healing potions they could have used. “Why did I make all those healing potions when I keep healing you all?” she asked herself as she took her pack off and rifled around in it until she found a vial that she ended up pushing into his hand. “Drink this. I need to conserve my mana.” Alistair did not argue with her and after pushing himself up to sit, downed the liquid in one large gulp.   

“Thanks, Lexi,” she was told as she stood.  

“You are welcome. Now, stay here, recuperate for a minute while I check on the others,” she replied as she placed a hand on his shoulder.  

“Nah, I’m fine now,” he insisted as he stood a little too suddenly and wobbled on his feet. She ended up grabbing him to steady him, giving the warden a less than impressed glance. He only returned a goofy grin that had her roll her eyes and let go of his arms. She did what she could, it was up to him to decide if he wanted to take a breather or not.   

Without waiting for him, she walked up to the rest of her companions, who were in the middle of… looting the darkspawn corpses? It certainly seemed like that was what Natia was doing. Did they even carry anything but weapons with themselves? Apparently, they did, as the dwarf seemed very proud when she pulled a necklace, of all things off the ogre’s body. What was a necklace doing on an ogre?! Did it keep it because it wanted to feel pretty? Lexi highly doubted that.   

Not that it mattered, anyways…  

While Natia busied herself with the looting, Lyna collected and cleaned her arrows and Zevran watched from the sidelines – smartly staying away from the darkspawn – with clear amusement as Aedan tried to dislodge his greatsword from the ogre’s body. Seeing the expression on his face, Lexi couldn’t help but stifle a laugh as she approached. It certainly did not go unnoticed, as the nobleman almost became flustered when he looked up and spotted her.   

“Yes, yes. Laugh at me. We’ll see how you look after killing one of these,” he muttered to her as he continued struggling.  

Natia snorted. “Actually, she already had. And she looked way cooler than you did when she delivered the killing blow. See what I did there?” she asked Lexi, grinning from ear to ear as she handed her the necklace. Lexi was only confused. “Cooler. Because you used ice?”  

“Nice,” was Alistair’s reaction from behind her.   

“Wait, what?” Aedan was probably even more confused than Lexi as he looked questions at the trio.   

“Yeah. You should have seen her!” Natia exclaimed excitedly. “So, back at Ostagar at the tower, Alistair and I were hacking at its back, distracting it, and there she was, a mage,” she emphasized, “jumping up onto its body as it flailed around on its back, then creating an icicle at the end of her staff and plunging it deep into its heart, then twisting it to break the icicle off. It was much more impressive than your kill,” she told the man, who was close to losing his jaw, with how open it hung.  

Lexi might have blushed under all the praise she was getting. She did not know what to do with it, so she cleared her throat and tried to be dismissive about it. “It really wasn’t that big of a deal. They did most of the work.”  

“No need for modesty,” Zevran joined the conversation, smiling at her in his usual charming way. “It must have been an exquisite sight.”   

It still did not work on her, so she briefly narrowed her eyes at him and rolled her eyes, deciding to change the topic. “Right. Anyone need any healing that cannot be healed with potions?”  

“We’re good,” Lyna walked up to them as she put the last of her arrows into the quiver on her back. “Alistair?”  

“Yeah. Good as new. We can get going,” he assured the rest. While he did, Aedan went back to trying to force his sword free. He really lodged it in there if he was having so much trouble with it… One last heave later, he was stumbling off the corpse, nearly falling on his ass from the momentum, holding his greatsword. As soon as he righted himself, he wiped the blade on the grass before sheathing it.  

“Ready to leave now,” he smiled at them.   

That was all the encouragement the others needed. They set off again, and Lexi fell into step with her dwarven friend, waving the silver necklace at her. “Why give me this?”   

Natia shrugged. “It seems almost ethereal. I think it might have an enchantment on it. You are the only one amongst us that could find out what it is exactly.”  

Lexi frowned as she lifted the necklace into her eyeline to get a better look at it. It did seem ethereal, with its intricate carvings and gleaming gem in the middle.   

She was no expert at enchantment, but she could tell, that it was worth investigating. “I will check it at camp,” she assured her friend as she pocketed the item.  

Further down the slope they went, and soon encountered several wild Sylvans, that the wardens made quick work of. Especially after Lexi set their weapons on fire. It was extremely effective against the sentient wood-creatures.   

Not all of the Sylvans attacked them, however. Lexi gaped at the Grand Oak, as it introduced itself, in sheer amazement. Talking trees.   

“Am I hallucinating the rhyming tree?” Aedan whispered the question into her ear while Lyna conversed with the Grand Oak. Funnily, she was about to ask him the same.  

“Apparently not. Hallucinations are rarely shared between individuals and the probability of us experiencing the same one is extremely low,” she explained as she stared up at the tree, carefully listening to its every word.  

It asked of them to return its acorn to it, that was stolen by a thief that ran into the eastern part of the forest. Lyna promised to get it back, and the rest agreed in a heartbeat. Since the werewolf tracks were leading to the eastern part of the forest, they passed by a few wild halla and dealt with a wild Sylvan and followed the trail until they came across a crossing of different paths. The one on the right was what the werewolves followed, but it was covered in mist that did not feel natural. The werewolves were their most pressing concern, so they headed into towards this unnatural barrier.   

Only to be turned around and exit the same way they entered from. They just blinked at each other in confusion, then back at the mist behind them.   

“Okay, what was that?” Natia asked them.   

“It’s like something turned us around,” Alistair muttered as he furrowed his brows.  

“Yes, I get that. But how?” the dwarf asked as she looked from one warden to the next, her gaze stopping on Lexi soon enough.  

“Don’t look at me. I’m as clueless as you are!” she protested as she approached the obstacle once more with a hand outstretched, trying to figure it out. The others waited patiently for the verdict. “This is not natural. I think we will need something to bypass it.”  

“Can’t you just… magic it away?” Alistair asked her and earned an unimpressed look for it. He huffily crossed his arms above his chest. “I get it. No need to kill me with your gaze.”  

Her eyes instantly softened. “Trust me, Alistair, if I wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t have cast so many of my strongest healing spells on you,” she pointed it out with a smile on her face. “But your question was not entirely invalid. I could bypass it if I knew what kind of spell was used to create it. But since I’ve never even come across anything like this in the couple hundred books that I have read at the Circle, I cannot do anything.”  

“Couple hundred?!” Natia asked in almost horror.  

Lexi shrugged. “There was little else to do in the Tower.”  

“That doesn’t get us anywhere,” Lyna muttered as she took point once more, heading down a different path. This one was guarded by three wild Sylvans that did prove to be challenging. The wardens needed to scatter to be effective against them and try to keep those three to each other’s backs, grouping them together.   

Barely a minute or so later, the awaked trees were nothing but wood to be chopped up into firewood, and the wardens managed to avoid getting hurt by them, so they did not stay there any longer. Natia was the last to follow Lyna, as she ran off when they were departing and brandished a shield when she returned, holding it up to Alistair as proudly as if she made it.   

“Found it on a skeleton,” Lexi heard her tell the senior warden.  

“You really have eyes for these,” Alistair commented as he forced the new shield into his pack. He did not wish to discard the other so soon. Maybe he would compare them at camp, see which would work better.   

“Had to learn certain skills growing up,” was all the explanation Alistair was given. Lexi did not miss how Natia absent-mindedly scratched the tattoo on her cheek as she thought about her casteless past. And almost collided with Aedan’s back as the man stopped, along with Lyna, as they came across a small camp, following the supposed acorn-thief’s footprints.   

Lyna signaled them to be cautious during their approach, but there seemed to be no one around the campsite. At least until they were right at the edges of it. That’s when a mildly crazed-looking man appeared out of thin air and made some gestures at them, trying to shoo them away from there. When it became clear to him, that they would not be deterred by some creative and perhaps slightly offensive gestures, he approached the tensing elf and struck up a conversation. Lyna, of course, started with accusing him of being the one to steal the acorn they were looking for.   

It was obvious to them that this man was not quite right in the head, but the elven woman played along, answering one question after another and asking her own in return. She managed to barter a trade for the acorn they were looking for and kept the questionnaire going, getting the man to become increasingly paranoid. It was quite obvious that he was a mage, and probably in hiding from the templars, fearing the Rite, if Lexi understood his words correctly. It explained why they found templar corpses in the western part of the forest. They were aware of him hiding in the forest.   

The hermit also told them, that he knew the way through the fog, but would only tell them if they killed the Grand Oak for him. Lexi had a feeling that Lyna would sooner agree to killing the mad man than to kill the Elder Tree, and that was more than obvious as without another word to the man, they she turned around and hurried back toward the tree.   

“The shemlen said that the trees are blocking the path,” the elf spoke as she lead them back to the Oak’s clearing, taking another route. “We could get help from the Grand Oak,” she explained her reasoning, then stopped and squinted down at the ground. “These are fresh. Werewolf prints,” she informed them, and instead of turning left at the crossing paths, she headed forwards, following the tracks.   

Soon enough, they were met with several werewolves, and after dispatching the hostile ones, they cautiously approached the one on its knees. It told them that it was not so long ago a Dalish elf, likely one of the hunters. She confirmed it when she named herself Danyla. They had spoken to her husband at the Dalish camp and promised him to seek her out. This is not what the wardens expected, but the scarf she gave them as proof would have to be enough for Athras, as well. By the end of their conversation, Danyla begged them to kill her, and with a heavy heart, but they did. Lyna muttered a few elven words to the fallen as she sheathed the dagger she used.   

Without another word, the elf turned around and followed the trail back to the Grand Oak. It was grateful for the return of its acorn and gave them a branch that would grant them safe passage in the forest. Just what they were seeking. They still needed to find ironbark for the craftsmen, so they took a quick look around the forest, managing to locate some. They needed to deal with a few wild Sylvans, but those posed no threat to them.   

Returning to the eastern part of the forest, as expected, the branch allowed them access past the barrier. They were expected, as it became apparent when they met Swiftrunner once more. He tried to get them to leave without a fight. When it became clear, that they had no wish to leave the werewolves be, he was joined by his brethren and attacked the wardens once more. It quickly became apparent, that it would be the beasts that would lose this fight, a snow-white wolf, probably Witherfang himself, appeared and knocked the scowling Lyna off her feet to stop her from shooting the werewolves. They all retreated after a howl, leaving the wardens to their own, panting and increasingly more upset.   

Especially Lyna, who retrieved what arrows she could furiously, scowl permanent on her face. “This is the second time they got away!” she complained and looked everyone up and down to make sure they were well enough to follow. “Let us end this,” was all she said before she took off, hot on their trail.  

They soon entered the ancient ruins, that were vast and spacious, with enormous roots protruding up from the ground and even from the walls. Structurally not the safest place to be, but they did not exactly have a choice in the matter. It was clearly ancient elven architecture, but Alistair’s wondering question was an interesting one. He wondered out loud if the elves were similar to the dwarves and lived underground. They had no answer for him, but Lexi watched the dwarf’s reaction. She only saw a certain longing on her friend’s face as she touched the rough stone with her bare hands. She probably missed her home.  

Lexi did not need a long time to decide that these ruins were an absolutely dreadful place. They fought werewolves after werewolves, and giant spiders, too. The mage and the mabari spent one of these fights motionless, completely stuck in the web those overgrown arachnids had woven. Rabbit whined until they were rescued, and even Lexi considered doing so. Absolutely disgusting, that mucous, sticky substance that she did not even bother getting rid of. Alistair tried to pull some of it off her, but it only stuck to his hand in turn, so he quickly abandoned the idea. She did not mind, as it might have been for nothing, anyways. There were likely to be many, many more of these webs around. She was capable of movement, so she considered it fine for the time being.  

Not that she had a lot of time to worry about such things, as they finally exited the stone stairway and arrived to yet another large hall. Zevran managed to spot a few traps and set out to disarm them with Natia when they heard a roar that echoed through the chamber. Its owner, a smaller dragon arrived soon enough, protecting its nearby hoard from the newcomers. Its fire-breath was destructive and had quite the range, so Lexi found herself casting one protective barrier after another on her companions.   

She considered themselves lucky, that they only met one instead of several, as even while it was attacked by multiple blades at once, it kept fighting for minutes.   

“Anyone need healing?” Lexi asked them. She tried to keep them safe, but there were simply too many of them for her to keep tracking at all times.   

A resounding, “No,” was the answer she got, so she nodded.   

They studied the small dragon for a few seconds before moving on. Oddly, there were both elven and dwarven corpses nearby. Lexi wondered where those came from. Both seemed relatively fresh, but dwarves rarely ventured into forests of all places. Not without a good cause, at least. She wondered what they were doing there.   

She did not get an answer, naturally, especially since she could not even ask the opinion of her companions. Natia was already distracted by a nearby locked chest, but only frowned once she opened it. She must have deemed whatever was inside useless, since she did not take it. The dwarf warden gasped loudly when her eyes spotted the dragon’s hoard, and she excitedly jumped over the chest, took her backpack off and began shoving all the coins and gems she could carry. She couldn’t even lift her backpack by the time it was full, so the loot had to be divided. Natia dragged Lexi – the weakest of the party – with herself and shoved the rest of the loot into her backpack, not even waiting for the mage to take it off. Lexi ended up kneeling to make the woman’s job easier.  

“Hey, Lyna, check this out,” Natia called out to the impatient elf and handed her the bow she found.   

The elf looked annoyed for but a second longer, then trailed the woodwork almost reverently. “This is Falon’Din’s symbol,” she explained. “My people’s god of the dead. Great find, Natia,” she added, uncharacteristically grinning at the dwarf, who grinned right back. “Anything in the other chest, Zevran?” she turned to her fellow elf.  

The assassin just frowned. “Just an old helmet, I’m afraid. Not worth carrying.”  

“Let’s move, then,” she urged them forward, into the lower ruins.   

It was a tunnel that must have been dug after the construction of this elven building, as it had no stone structures whatsoever. It was a dull trek until they arrived to the torn-down stone wall of the lower ruins and successfully awakened some skeletons that were not afraid to attack them for it. They did not pose much of a threat to the seven of them, so within a minute, they could continue past them. Lexi noted, that the air was much more stagnant than in the upper section of the ruins. Chillier, too. But that wasn’t a surprise; there was only stone and nothing else around. She did wonder who kept the torches lit down there, though…  

There was no chamber in the area that did not hide at least a few animated skeletons. The wardens dealt with them all, then looted the corpses, the same as the giant spiders that had called the long, empty corridors their home before the party showed up. The arachnids were of the poisonous variety, as Zevran had the misfortune of experiencing. The effect quickly wore off, luckily, but the man seemed uncomfortable until he downed a healing potion as they continued forward. They dodged the sticky webs as best they could, but Rabbit got caught again, then so did Aedan as he went to his dog’s rescue. They were so tightly wrapped, that the rest needed fire to get them out. It was Lyna’s idea to grab a torch off the wall and destroy the webs with the flames. It visibly unsettled the mabari, but he was smart enough not to pull away from the flames. The elf was careful not to burn them, though, so they were free soon enough and could move on into the next larger chamber.   

Right in the middle, there was a circular stone platform that stood out from the rest of the stonework, as it was covered in almost arcane-looking runes and motifs. And piles of skeletons. Lexi had a feeling, that those could come alive at any second, so she gripped her staff tightly.   

The most interesting thing about the stone circle was the ghost of an elven boy, desperately looking for his mother. At least, that’s the only word Lexi understood from his cries. Lyna tried to talk to him, calm him down and offer to help him find his mother, but he ran off. Then the skeletons rose.  

Lexi murmured an “I knew it,” under her nose as she cast Rock Armor on herself. They were surrounded by the skeletons, so their attention needed to be divided. She threw a fireball at the furthest of the two, then yelped when someone grabbed her backpack and yanked her backwards, out of the way of an arcing blade she did not see.   

Whoever had grabbed her managed to turn her to face the rest of the skeletons, and that allowed her to set off another fireball. One of the skeletons went down, as it already had two arrows lodged into it, and even the other seemed like it was on the brink of a final death. Zevran’s sneaky attack did the trick, and Lexi realized as the elf came out of stealth, that he got caught in the blast of the fireball. His armor was singed in places and so was his face, so Lexi immediately healed him. This forced her to realize, that throwing balls of fire around when she had companions that were stealthy enough to be practically invisible was not a good idea. So, she needed to use single-target spells from then on.  

Alistair still had her by the scruff by the end of the fight, so she was yanked backwards when she wanted to check on Zevran after all of the skeletons were down. “Thank you for the rescue, but you can let go of me now,” she told the man, who instantly let go of her, allowing her to hurry to Zevran. “I’m so sorry! I did not know, that you were nearby! Are you alright?” she slurred, worried about the man’s health.   

He briefly narrowed his eyes at her, then simply brushed some soot off his armor. “I am well. But please, do be more mindful of us stealthy types.”  

“I will be more careful,” she assured him. “Sorry again.”  

As they talked, the others looted the corpses, even setting out to investigate the side-chambers. Both were tombs, and they left both alone. They had enough respect not to mess with people’s final resting places. Walking and attacking skeletons did not count, of course, as they continued looting as they progressed through the next set of hallways. These were filled with the same type of enemies, pouring out of every chamber, and running at them brandishing their rusty weapons. Because of their sheer number, it took the wardens quite a while to permanently get rid of them. They did not know where to step when they were done to avoid crushing the skeletons.   

One of the chambers on their right was located below the level of the hallway and seemed to be a library of sorts, so while the rest handled the retrieval of coins and other goodies, Lexi walked down the steps, curious and expecting to find ancient, long-forgotten knowledge. A large root had destroyed part of the library, but there were still a few bookshelves standing, seemingly intact. Normally, she would have already been clinging to those and pulling one book after another down to study and perhaps even take, but a strange magical energy caught her attention. It instantly alarmed her that it was coming from the phylactery on the floor, but she had more curiosity than sense, so she approached and knelt in front of it. She knew, that one of the wardens followed her down; either Aedan or Alistair. She recognized the armored footsteps.  

Upon closer inspection, she could see that it was as she suspected. A phylactery filled with blood, but unusually vibrating slightly. She had not encountered such a gem-like, moving phylactery before, so she palmed it and lifted it into her line of sight, intending only to take a closer look. What she did not expect was for it to be warm to the touch, nor for it to show her images of the past. Of someone’s life. It was as if Lexi was this individual. Everything was so clear in front of her eyes, she was convinced that she could touch the objects and occasionally people she was seeing.   

It did not take her long to realize, that a spirit is trapped inside the gem. She felt its fear when it noticed her, then the feeling of imprisonment and loneliness it projected to her. These were all too familiar feelings for her, so she sympathized with the spirit, hoping it would understand her at least a little bit. It startled when it realized, that Lexi was indeed a real person that stumbled upon the Life Gem it was imprisoned in for centuries, if she understood all the images that rapidly passed by her vision. It showed her a great many things it went through, that it witnessed during its existence. What fascinated her was the memories regarding elven warriors wearing armor, while also casting spells. Warrior mages. Arcane warrior, as the spirit supplied. Channeling magic into strength to allow the mage to fight with weapons and wear armor without restrictions.   

She tried to get the Presence to elaborate on its memories, but all were hazy and inconsequential, not really giving her any more beyond what was already known to her. It remembered a war, but had no idea who they were fighting or why. It escaped destruction by transferring its essence into the gem, hoping that someone would stumble upon it and release it from its prison.   

“Hey, um, Lexi?” Alistair approached her tentatively and crouched next to her, bringing her out of the silent conversation she’s been having. She dared say he looked slightly spooked as he looked at her, then at the gem she was holding. “Are you—”   

She placed a finger on his mouth to shut him up. “Shh. I’m having a conversation,” was all she told him, freaking him out even more. But he let her turn back to the Presence without interrupting again, so she dropped her hand away from him.   

The Presence seemed terrified, as she was forced to break their connection for but a few seconds. It thought she left it to its predicament once more and nothing terrified it more than being left there to its own for many centuries to come. It offered to teach her the way of the arcane warrior, the ancient order it was a part of. With the possession of that knowledge, Lexi would become the last arcane warrior in existence. It was too good a chance to learn something so amazing to pass up, so she asked how she could help it to the oblivion it sought. It showed her the nearby altar, the gem placed on it, then exploding, and she could only hope that it would work, because the altar was clearly broken.   

She took a deep breath as she stood and approached the altar, clutching the Life Gem tightly. A heavy hand clamping down on her shoulder stopped her from making it all the way there. She slowly turned back to Alistair, noticing that the rest of her companions were standing in the doorway, with Lyna training her bow on her and the others staring at the sight with various stages of fear. She slowly closed her free hand around Alistair’s gauntleted wrist.   

“Trust me, please,” she asked of him, her expression open and sincere. He pursed his lips for but a moment, doubt flashing across his features, but then he nodded and was awarded a grateful smile before she turned to face the altar and walked up to it.  

The Presence knew that the altar was nearby, and it was ready to teach her everything it knew of the arcane warriors. As soon as she agreed, her mind was overcome with memory after memory. Most were hazy and had details missing, but she could piece the knowledge together. It was enough for her to make sense of it all, at least. She kept her promise and placed the gem on the stone altar, smiling when she felt the gratitude of the spirit right before the gem exploded and their connection broke. Lexi found she could not stop smiling. All that lost knowledge was not lost anymore. This… this was a great accomplishment for mages. She could teach this to others! Bring this ancient art back to its full potential!  

She excitedly clapped her hands together as she spun around, grinning from ear to ear. It unsettled her companions. “Well, that is one good deed done for the day,” she told them.  

“Care to elaborate?” Lyna asked her in a stony voice, not even thinking about lowering her weapon. She had been holding that for quite a while. Did she not tire?  

“There was an ancient elven spirit trapped inside the Life Gem I placed on the altar. It taught me of its past, of the war that led to its self-inflicted imprisonment in the gem, and of some arcane secrets long forgotten. It wanted its existence to be over, so I helped it,” she added, gesturing to what remained of the gem. The shards that remained were no longer vibrant.   

“What arcane secrets?” Lyna focused on the right information.  

Lexi’s grin grew. “The best kind. I still need to digest it, to be honest, but all those abilities I gained will be more than handy. I think I need to sleep on it for it to really sink in.”  

“What kind of abilities?” the elf continued to pry, no less suspicious of her giddiness.  

“The warrior kind,” Lexi gave in, intending to give them a full explanation. “There used to be an ancient order of elven mages who used their magic to compensate for their lack of strength, called arcane warriors. The spirit was one of them and it taught me their way. So even if I am drained of my mana reserves, I will not be defenseless ever again.”   

“So, you are able to use weapons and wear armor,” Alistair concluded.  

“Indeed. Well, I will be. Soon. Like I said, I still need some time to process all this. I suddenly find myself with a second set of memories that show me a life so alien to my own. It is disorienting,” she confessed. “But it was worth it.” She ended up grinning at them once more.   

Lyna slowly lowered her weapon, her brows furrowed at Lexi and her mouth pulled into a thoughtful frown, and the others seemed relieved to hear the explanation.  

“Can we get going, then?” Aedan asked her, and she looked around quickly, pulled a book off the nearby shelf and found the words unintelligible on the pages.  

“Yes, we can. I doubt I would be able to gain any knowledge from these books. That was my intention with coming here. To rediscover long-lost knowledge,” she added, then scoffed as she tried another book. It was the same. “Well, I guess I succeeded with that, but not the way I planned.”  

“And you are sure, that this spirit is not possessing you?” Natia asked her, fear in her eyes.   

“I am a hundred percent sure, yes,” she assured her friend. “The spirit wanted its existence to end instead of prolonging it.”  

“Okay,” the dwarf conceded, then crossed the distance between the two of them and almost painfully jabbed a finger into Lexi’s abdomen. “That was insanely reckless of you! Touching vials of ancient blood like that! It could have ended horribly for you!”  

“For all of us,” Aedan muttered.   

“What if it was a demon?” Natia kept the scolding going and Lexi couldn’t help but give her an amused look.  

“Then I would have dealt with it. Wouldn’t have been the first demon I faced,” Lexi pointed it out, not dissuading Natia’s worries at all. The dwarf huffily pursed her lips and poked her in the stomach again, then took a deep breath to prepare for the next round of scolding. Lexi did not let her get to it and just pulled her in for a hug, that she suspected the dwarf needed. It did shut her right up, confirming it for the grinning mage. “Better?” she ended up asking her.  

Natia just huffed out a breath as she disentangled herself from the hug, somewhat placated. She continued looking at Lexi with narrowed eyes before she turned around and headed towards the stairs leading back to the hallway. The mage followed soon enough, with Alistair falling in step next to her as the others led the way upstairs.   

“She is not wrong, though,” he whispered to Lexi. “This could have ended badly, especially in a place like this. Who knows what else lurks these halls? So next time you decide to stupidly wander off on your own, let me know and I’ll go with you.”  

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Wouldn’t that also make you stupid?”   

He snorted a laugh at her. “Guess it would. It would also make me feel a teeny bit better, knowing that I could protect you if needed. You might be the one doing most of the protecting amongst us, but sometimes, even you need some protection.”  

“Is that why you practically grabbed me by the scruff earlier? I felt like an unruly kitten being held back from scratching at things she wasn’t supposed to scratch,” she told him, earning a wide grin from the man.   

“That description will not hold me back from doing it again.”  

“It wasn’t supposed to. But I’m warning you, I might start meowling like a cat if you do it again. And it will be weird, because I have absolutely no idea what cats sound like. I don’t recall ever seeing a cat before, much less hear one.”  

“Now, I’m definitely going to do it,” he insisted, letting out a small laugh.  

She shrugged as she smiled at him. “But don’t blame me if you get traumatized because of it.” He grinned right back at her, then fell into silence as they continued to traverse the maze of hallways.  

They had come across several more aggressive skeletons, then behind closed door, arrived to a vast chamber that was full of the same statues they had been seeing in the hallways. Also, several more skeletons and hidden traps that Lyna pointed out as they entered. They still ended up triggering some they could not see and got rewarded with being set on fire. The rogues could not waste time trying to disarm any of the traps, as they were needed to fight the archers. Lyna and Lexi could not deal with them all. Especially since Lexi used most of her magic to shield her friends from the fires they kept unleashing upon themselves. And they called her reckless…  

Several of them were singed, or in the case of Rabbit, were still on fire by the time the last skeleton was eliminated, and Aedan was instantly next to his dog, patting him to extinguish the flames. The poor mabari had seen better days, so Lexi spent a lot of energy to heal him and earned a grateful bark for it from the dog and a smile from the man. She took a look around to determine if she needed to spend a more taxing spell to heal all of her companions, or if their injuries were minor enough to be treated with a few vials of healing potion. Most of them looked frazzled enough, so she gathered her mana and cast a spell, that healed everyone in the party. And also tired her out more than she expected it to.  

She really needed to start holding back with the costly spells. The lair of the werewolves was nowhere in sight just yet.  

After looting the remains, they exited the chamber to another set of hallways. It was becoming quite boring, in Lexi’s opinion, but they soon found their way forward closed off by a large double-winged door that creaked when the warriors pushed it open. And were instantly shot at by the skeletons that were ready for them on the other side. One of them got Aedan in the shoulder, eliciting a growl out of the man, but not hindering his movements at all. If anything, he became even more efficient, as with one clear swoop, he beheaded that skeleton and headed down the stairs after spotting another. Rabbit swept past him and threw himself at one while the rest headed to the right to deal with the rest.   

It was easily done, so after pulling the arrow out of Aedan’s shoulder, Lexi pushed a healing potion into his hand and followed the rest all the way down the steps. There were old remains and dried blood covering the floor between the two sets of stairs, and it made her wonder just what they were doing in that chamber. Did the elves keep their victims in those cages that were off to the side?  

“What is this place?” Zevran asked them as he and Natia were about to descend the last staircase.  

“Wait!” she hurriedly called out to them, as the chamber below came into her view. It was filled with arcane summoning circles, so caution would have been advised. She was too late, though. As soon as their feet touched the steps, an Arcane Horror materialized in the middle of one set of circles. “These look like summoning circles,” she finished the thought, then caught Natia when the creature managed to paralyze her with a spell. “It used to be a mage, keep that in mind,” she instructed the rest of the wardens as she kept the dwarf from plummeting down the stairs like a sack of potatoes.   

Arcane Horrors were no joke if allowed to begin casting spells. They had a deep mana pool to pull from. She had been taught about them at the Tower and she was prepared for it. Detonating a powerful Mana Clash had seriously inhibited its abilities, but not before it raised the nearest skeletons to make them do its bidding. Since her spell took much out of her, being one of the strongest she knew, she was left using her staff’s projectiles to fight the skeletons that approached her and the still paralyzed dwarf. Only she couldn’t do much with one free hand to hold her staff with, so she pulled Natia back from the stairs and propped her up against the nearby brazier. Then she kicked one of the skeletons down the stairs, into Zevran’s path. The assassin dealt with it swiftly, then moved to join the warriors. Alistair followed his templar training and made use of his draining abilities, ending up delivering the killing blow to the Arcane Horror the same time Lyna killed the skeleton that was advancing on Lexi.   

That was when Natia’s paralysis ended and she jumped from behind the brazier, weapons out and ready to fight, only to notice with visible disappointment, that the fight had already ended. She already felt better, though, when she could get to looting the bodies littering the floor while the rest of them split up and checked out the left side of the chamber. They only found more animated skeletons, that they promptly killed, a bunch of sarcophagi that they did not disturb, and a few locked chests, that Zevran ended up unlocking and looting while the rest hurried back to Natia, who happened to be in yet another fight.   

More skeletons had stumbled upon the wardens but did not pose much of a threat to them, especially once they all returned to the main chamber. The dwarf quickly waved Alistair over and without asking first, started stuffing the acquired items into his backpack, to his greatest confusion.  

Lexi could not help a smile from appearing on her face. “We are just pack mules to her, nothing more,” she told him. Her own back was starting to hurt under all that weight. They seriously needed to redistribute it quickly.  

“Hey, you can get rid of it all, but then don’t come to me when you realize you don’t have enough coin left to have your staff modified,” the dwarf threw at her as she pushed what seemed like a full plate armor into the pack she was stuffing. Lexi rolled her eyes and just walked up to them to help instead of commenting.   

Once they were done, they moved on to the right hallway that led to even more sarcophagi and chests, the latter of which they unlocked and looted. The problem was that it ended up being a dead end.  

“Shit,” Aedan cursed. “Did we miss a door somewhere?”   

“No, we did not,” Lyna insisted as she intently walked around the chamber with the small pond of water in it. She ended up giving the water a scrutinizing look, then glanced up at Lexi. “Can you create some light in the water?” The mage nodded and conjured a small orb of light at the end of her staff, then plunged it into the water. She did not know what the elf was searching for, but she soon pointed at something. “That looks like a tunnel. I believe, that it would lead to the lair of the werewolves.”  

“How did you come to that conclusion?” Natia asked her as she followed their line of sight.   

“I mapped this place up in here,” the elf told her, tapping a finger on her head. “I have been memorizing these tunnels and if I am right, we could end up in the area that they barred from us.”  

“Or we could drown,” Alistair pointed it out. He wasn’t wrong, though… They had no idea how long that tunnel would end up being.   

“Right. One of us should check,” the elf agreed, and gave Lexi a significant look. The mage just sighed, already knowing where it was heading. “You are the only one that could create a light-source down there,” she explained.  

She did not bother arguing, just took her backpack off and even considered taking her robe off. She left it on in the end, just in case, and sat down at the edge of the pool of water, already shivering.   

“Damn, it’s cold,” she muttered under her breath as she eased herself into the damp, murky water and checked her staff before taking a deep breath and submerging.   

The dirty water disturbed her eyes, so she could barely see a thing, but she followed the tunnel, that luckily was not overly long. She emerged right on the other side of the wall in the next chamber, and turning around, she could see the remains of a hallway that was no longer there. Taking a breather, she looked around and only saw more skeletons, then she made her way back to her companions, not bothering to climb out of the water.    

“It ends just on the other side of that wall,” she told them as the pointed a thumb at the wall behind her.   

“That’s not far, then,” Aedan noted as he began unbuckling his armor. He had the right idea. Its weight would have only dragged him to the bottom, and they would not have been able to get him up before he drowned. “Both of you should get out of the armor to avoid sinking to the bottom of the submerged tunnel,” he turned to Alistair and Zevran. The women were wearing lighter armor that would not hinder their movements.   

“Can you swim?” Alistair asked Natia, who seemed unnerved as she stared at the water. She shook her head as an answer. “We will help you through, then.”   

Slowly, they all got into the water and were forced to bring their backpacks with, soaking everything contained within. They would need hours to dry it all.  

“And this is how we will end up catching a cold,” the senior warden muttered, shivering in his tunic and breeches, holding his hand for Natia to hold onto. The dwarf was the only one that remained out of the water still.   

“I-I...” she stammered, her courage leaving her.   

“We got you,” Lexi assured her, joining Alistair, reaching out towards the dwarf with her free hand. Natia took a few deep breaths to steel her nerves before she sat down on the edge of the water and let them pull her in. She held their hands almost desperately, trying to stay afloat. “I will need to go first, so are you ready?” she asked the dwarf, who gave her an uncertain nod, then at the senior warden, who also nodded.   

“Right behind you,” Alistair told her.   

“Deep breaths, then, everyone,” Lexi spoke, then took a deep breath herself before submerging herself into the water, providing the only source of light for her party. She was certain, that the hand Natia was holding ended up broken by the time she pulled the trembling dwarf up on the other side.   

“I’m never doing that again. No, no, no,” the dwarf sputtered as she was helped out of the water by Alistair. She ended up on her back, breathing heavily as she stared up at the ceiling. “I can handle the topside world. But that... I draw the line at that.”  

“It wasn’t that bad,” Aedan countered her as he pushed himself out, then without asking, grabbed Lyna by the hand and hoisted her up in a fluid motion, that surprised the elf. He did not help Zevran out, but lifted the heavy Rabbit, and by the time he turned to Lexi, Alistair was already there to provide aid for the mage. Lexi did not need it, but she did not bat his hands away, either.   

The wardens took a minute to just breathe, and seeing the wet state they were all in, Lexi got the insane idea to try and lift the water off them with her magic, akin to how she had learnt to command water many years ago. It was not likely to succeed, but she wanted to try regardless.  

“Everyone, stay put,” she told them when many of them prepared to stand, and managed to alarm all of them. They almost frantically looked around, looking for the enemies they thought she saw. But the skeletons littering the floor did not move to attack. “I just want to try something to dry us.”  

Confident nods were all the reactions she got, so she took a deep breath, shut her eyes, and started concentrating on the water. She let the steady breathing of her companions become nothing but background noise as she focused on the wetness coating them, doing her best to separate that from their bodies. It ended up being too dangerous to do, as she felt the water inside their bodies way better than that outside of it. She could have killed them if she accidentally dehydrated them, so she stopped and opened her eyes.   

“Nope,” she told them, to their visible and audible disappointment. “Sorry,” she apologized meekly as she began churning water out of her robe.   

They took a few minutes to pull themselves together, then once they were ready to continue their trek, they opened the only door leading out of the chamber. Howling is what they heard soon enough. Lyna wasn’t wrong, it seemed like, as they barely exited that smaller chamber, they were attacked by a pack of werewolves.  

It was already a tough fight, made even tougher, when some of their enemies were invisible. It led to Lyna and Lexi both ending up on their backs, sharp claws raking through their skin, and the two of them being all but left to their own. The elf could not fight with her bow, as it was useless for that short distance, and the mage could not reach her staff to defend herself. The gashes on their abdomen were deep and making them lose blood rapidly. Lexi couldn’t even focus on healing the two of them, as she screamed when the werewolf’s claws raked across her body again. She managed to stop the next round of attacks as she grabbed the large paws and used all of her remaining magic to kill the beast, blasting it off herself. Her vision was swimming already, and that did not bode well for her, and she turned to her right to check on Lyna. The elf was already limp and motionless, and Lexi turned to her side to try and cast a healing spell on her. The spell frazzled and failed at her fingertips, her mind not being stable enough to focus on the needed motions.   

She whined as one of her friends wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his armored chest, ghosting a cold gauntleted hand across her injury that made her whine even more.  

“Why haven’t you healed yourself?” she heard Alistair’s panicky voice as he pulled his bloody hand back and started rooting around in his own backpack.  

“Weak,” she mumbled, feeling more and more light-headed by the second. “No focus.” She sagged against him, her head heavy and her eyes drooping, but then something cold was at her lips.   

“Drink this, please,” he all but begged her, but she was barely conscious at this point and he needed to shake her a bit to get her moving.   

“Mkay,” she groggily reacted, attempting to raise a hand to grab the vial.   

“No. Just drink,” the man told her, and she opened her mouth and let him help her.   

The potion began working quickly, closing the wounds and preventing her from bleeding out, and the next one ensured that she remained conscious and got enough of her mind back to crawl over to the still motionless elf, that the rest of their companions were trying to keep alive the only way they knew how. By starching the bleeding on her abdomen with a spare tunic they pulled from one of their backpacks. Alistair tried protesting her motions, but did not stop her from grabbing Lyna’s shoulder. It took all of Lexi’s remaining reserves to pump a powerful healing spell into the elf, and it exhausted her enough that she blacked out for a few seconds, that might have been longer than a few seconds, as they were already back in the smaller chamber when she blinked her eyes open and groaned as she sat up.  

She paled even more, when she realized, that Lyna was still unconscious next to her. The blood had been cleaned off the elf, so she could tell, that her wounds were closed and healed already, but she looked deathly pale despite that. She lost a lot of blood and was likely on the brink of death when Lexi managed to heal her. She was going to try to heal her again, but she stopped trying to crawl over, when another healing potion was thrust into her face, this time by Aedan. She pushed his hand away.  

“I’m not injured anymore,” she told him and attempted to move past him, when he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her against his chest. “Aedan...”  

“You need to rest,” he sternly told her as he sat and pulled her with himself, his legs extended right next to hers.   

“We all do,” she mumbled as she tried to wiggle out of his hold. She was too exhausted to do so, so she ended up grunting as she sagged against him. “But we don’t have time for this. The werewolves no doubt know, that we are this close to their lair. We are sitting ducks here, waiting for them to catch up to us.”  

“Indeed,” Zevran interjected as he munched on some hardtack.  

“We cannot exactly move until Lyna wakes, though,” Alistair said from somewhere behind them, so Lexi craned her head around to see him. He gave her a small smile as he handed her some hardtack to munch on, then sat down next to them. Natia was on their other side, too busy stuffing her mouth to speak, sending worried looks at the elf.   

Within a few minutes, Lexi felt confident enough in herself to risk sending another healing spell at the elf. It seemed to be what she needed, as for the first time in about half an hour, her fingers twitched, and she soon shot up, frantically looking around. The mage weakly sagged against Aedan, realizing, that she would not be casting more spells until she got some rest.   

“You need to stop pushing yourself,” the man behind her whispered into her ear, almost angrily as he squeezed her close to himself.   

“And she needed to wake. We must get going, deal with the weres,” she explained as she tried to pry his arms off. Emphasis on tried. “Aedan,” she warned him to let her go, but he did not think her capable of matching his strength. A few hours ago, she wouldn’t have been able to do that. Recalling what the ancient Arcane Warrior taught her, she augmented her strength with her magic, and that allowed her to overpower the man and give him the stink-eye as she crawled out of his lap. His eyes were the size of plates by then as he stared at his arms in wonder.   

Natia was fussing over the elf, who for the first time, let her, and gratefully accepted two more healing potions, just to be safe.   

“That was a close call,” she muttered. “We will need to be aware of those werewolves that can go invisible at will. They certainly can overwhelm us quite easily, as we experienced,” she continued, looking at Lexi’s bloody and torn robe. The mage did not even care anymore. She would try to mend it later at camp. “How are you feeling?”   

Lexi was surprised to hear that question directed at her. “Exhausted, but otherwise fine. You?”  

“Same,” she replied, as she slowly rose to her feet and stretched, checking her body. “We can get going, if you want,” she ended up telling them.  

A series of “Are you sure?” and “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” was the reaction the Dalish woman got from her companions, so she rolled her eyes and looked at the mage, that most of the wardens still considered their de facto leader. “Shall we?”  

“We shall,” Lexi agreed as she pulled a sword from one of the nearby skeletons, intending to use it against the werewolves. She earned a few curious looks.  

“Arcane warrior, remember? With my magic nearly completely drained, I will need to defend myself somehow, won’t I?”  

“You will need to get close to them,” Alistair pointed it out and looked at her bloody robe. “That did not end well last time.”  

“I did not have a weapon, then. Now, I do,” she insisted.  

“But you don’t have armor,” he added, and she had to begrudgingly admit, that he wasn’t wrong.   

She frowned. “I’m still taking the sword with me, though. I’ll... attack with my staff. It does have projectiles that I can attack with, but those don’t do much damage and I keep forgetting about it.”  

“Well, maybe don’t forget this time.”  

She rolled her eyes at him and walked off, cracking the door open to see if they were alone. There seemed to be no one around, but with the invisible werewolves, one could never be completely sure.   

“You will not be in the front,” Aedan grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the door when she wanted to walk through.   

“Well, obviously,” she threw at him, getting more and more upset by how handsy he was with her. “I’m not an idiot, Aedan. But this area is empty and since none of you moved a muscle to get going, I needed to,” she explained herself as she tore her arm free of his hold, then stepped through the door without so much as a glance back at her companions.  

She did end up letting the warriors take the lead and remained in the middle with Lyna to stay close to the elf and protect her if needed. She was holding a weapon in each hand as they made their way ahead, the warriors triggering more traps, that caused them to scatter and start dodging the next wave of werewolves. Lexi kept her senses sharp, listening to their enemy’s clawed feet clattering on the ground as the invisible beasts tried to sneak up on her and the hunter, who was already busy firing one arrow after another. The mage could tell when the closest werewolf was about to jump and try to overwhelm her, so she spun around and with a precise motion, stabbed it in the gut and opened its body from gut to neck, ending its invisibility and killing it instantly. The second one growled and leapt at her, but she whirled out of the way and stabbed it in the back, driving the sword as deep into its body as she could, then pulled it back out when it became visible, only to plunge it in again, right through where she suspected its heart was. It fell to the ground with a loud, heavy thud, and she turned around to check on her friends. She found them already staring at her and the two werewolves she effortlessly killed, and she just wiped the blade on the fur of the closest one, like it was the most natural thing in the world, and gave them an innocent smile.   

“Well, that’s not creepy at all,” she heard Alistair murmur.  

“Also, strangely attractive,” Zevran butted in, earning an eyeroll from the mage. The other men seemed to agree with him, as they made the same sound of agreement and nodded, not taking their eyes off her.   

“Men,” she muttered to herself, less than pleased with their reaction, and snapped at them. “Stop ogling me and get a move on!”   

She did not expect the instant, definitely conditioned, “Yes, ma’am,” from the former templar in training as he stood to attention as if he was nothing but a soldier. He soon realized how odd it was and slouched just as quickly, flustered. “That tone... took me back to templar training,” he explained, then cleared his throat and turned to leave. “Let’s go!” he tried to get the attention off of himself.  

He did have the right idea, so they grouped together once more and entered the next chamber, tensing when they spotted the lone werewolf guarding the gate. It raised its arms in surrender and began to speak, inviting them to parlay with the Lady of the Forest, to give her a chance to explain their side of the story. Since Lyna still looked like she could keel over at any second and even Lexi felt close to it, they agreed to the parlay and were led into the innermost lair of the werewolves.   

It was unsettling to walk amongst them, getting snarled and stared at by all of them, and Lexi did not like their odds in case they were forced to fight their way out of the situation. The Lady – a spirit of the forest taking the form of a woman, bound to the great white wolf they had seen previously – greeted them amicably, as if they hadn’t just slaughtered their way through their lair. She told them the origin of their curse: Zathrian himself. The elf was so focused on getting vengeance on his family, that he cursed the men that murdered his son and raped his daughter. While tragic, that had happened hundreds of years ago and the keeper’s rage had not abated. Even though the original werewolves were long gone and those afflicted now were innocent people that stumbled upon and were struck with the curse on accident, he refused to end it. When they targeted his own people to spread the curse to, he refused to end it.   

“Selfish prick,” was Lyna’s reaction. She had no love for humans, but even she could agree, that no innocent should be cursed to such an existence. If she didn’t wish it on her fellow elves, how could she wish it on others?  

The Lady, seeing that the wardens were willing to help them end this affliction, pleaded with them to bring the keeper to their lair and make him see reason. They agreed, and soon exited the chamber through the way that was barred to them before. Oddly enough, Zathrian was already waiting for them in the upper ruins. When confronted with the truth, he showed no remorse for his actions, nor did he deny anything the Lady told them. He did agree to see the Lady, that he revealed was Witherfang, only if they agreed to keep him safe from the werewolves. They obviously did not wish him harm, as he was the only one that could end this curse, so they agreed, making their way back to the werewolves. After a heated debate between the stubborn Zathrian and the Lady, the elf all but demanded the wardens do what he wanted them to do.   

Naturally, they refused. His stubbornness had cost enough lives already, it was time for him to stop.   

He did not take their defiance well, though, and in a second, paralyzed the werewolves and Witherfang both and summoned greater Shades and wild Sylvans to aid him against the wardens. Alistair was close enough to the werewolves to use one of his abilities to cleanse the surrounding area of magic, letting the beasts join the fight. It was still not easy, as going up against a centuries-old elven blood mage was not an easy task. Even though Alistair made plenty of use of his templar abilities and drained parts of his mana pool multiple times, they were still not doing much damage to the keeper. To expedite this, Lexi took a deep breath and attacked him with a powerful Mana Clash that sent both of them to their knees. Lexi’s head was pounding and threatening to explode, and she knelt and kept herself up on her trembling arms, her eyes squeezed shut.   

Maker, it hurt.  

She vaguely heard the keeper agree to lift the curse, but she couldn’t tell how it happened. All she could perceive was the rapid throbbing in her head that did not want to recede even after minutes, and she groaned when someone knelt in front of her and sought her gaze with his own. For a stunned second, she thought she was staring into Cullen’s warm eyes, but the voice calling out to her did not match the one she remembered.   

“Drained myself too much,” she explained to Alistair and pushed the healing potion away when he wanted to give her one. “That potion will not help.”  

“W-would this?” someone she didn’t know held a lyrium potion to her. She blinked up at the unknown man, having no idea where he came from, then realized, that he was one of the werewolves, when another man in the background started scratching behind his own ear, almost as if in habit. So, lifting the curse did work.  

She snatched it out of his hand and downed it in one large gulp, already feeling better the moment the blue liquid trickled down her throat. She let out a satisfied sigh, then smiled up at the man. “Thank you.”  

The headache had already subsided enough that she could let herself focus on her surroundings again. She looked at every single individual, and saw nothing but happiness. The rest of her companions were engaged in light conversation with them, but Lexi was still too tired to listen in, let alone join them.   

“I could use some sleep,” she confessed to her friend as she let her forehead drop against his shoulder.  

“I think we all could. We should get back to the Dalish camp, though. It will be safest.”  

“But that’s hours away!” she complained.   

“It is. So we should get moving,” she heard Aedan’s mildly displeased voice.  

So, that is exactly what they ended up doing. The former werewolves decided not to join them on their journey, knowing that the elves would probably not welcome them with open arms, since they were all human. It made the wardens’ return journey much faster.  

Chapter Text

It was a slow trek back to the Dalish camp, that they spent mostly in silence. It had been quite a long day for the wardens, as the sky began darkening by the time they approached the edge of the elven encampment. Hushed whispers welcomed them, and Lexi heard Zathrian’s name the most. The elves were wondering what happened to their keeper. Knowing that Lanaya was the one Zathrian had been preparing for leadership, she was the person they approached and informed of what transpired in the ruins.  

The woman did not seem a bit surprised by the revelation that Zathrian was responsible for the curse, but she was grateful, that their people were finally safe. She pledged their support to the wardens and invited them to spend the night in the camp, sharing stories and meals. The wardens were exhausted, so they agreed within a heartbeat, and while most of them walked off to set up their own tents on the edge of the camp, others returned Danyla’s scarf to Athras and gave the wanted ironbark to Varathorn. Lexi refused to accept payment for the ironbark and instead asked for permission to take a look at his wares. She needed to buy some more herbs and especially some lyrium potions or its ingredients. He agreed and let her browse as he gave some pointers to his apprentice about the ironbark. She saw an interesting book amongst his wares, that instantly got her attention. She could already tell, that it was arcane in nature, but curiously reading a few pages, she realized, that it detailed the art of taking the shape of various animals.   

That could prove to be extremely useful in certain situations, so she bought the book – at a discount price, because of all the help they had provided the clan – and left his stand with her arms full and a grin on her face. She wanted to delve into the book immediately, hoping to learn it as quickly as she could, but she was exhausted and upon realizing that she felt winded just from setting up her own tent, she decided to postpone her studies. Lyna built a small fire for them, then went off to join the merriment of the Dalish. They were celebrating the lifting of the curse, roping the elf warden into a dance around the bonfire. Zevran joined them soon after, seemingly having the time of his life, laughing delightfully with the other elves and flirting with both men and women. Lyna sent him a few warning looks but only got a wink back from the man.  

The rest of them decided to watch from the sidelines as they accepted the food they did not ask for but were given regardless, and Lexi politely declined an invitation to the dance given to her by a handsome elven man. She just pointed at her bloody attire and told him, that all she wanted was rest after the day she had, and he gave her an understanding nod as he turned to Natia, offering her the same. She grinned at the man as she jumped up and enthusiastically followed him to the others. She couldn’t dance, but she did her best to follow the steps, even ending up dancing with Lyna, who, for the first time since they had known her, was genuinely delighted, her grin bright and honest. This was where she belonged. Not the Grey Wardens.   

It did not take long for Zevran to charm two young ladies, who were eager to tow him away from the celebration, out of view of the rest of the wardens.   

“You know, maybe he had the right idea,” Aedan piped up as the three humans remained at their own fire. He got questioning gazes as a reaction, but it all became clear to them when he gently placed a hand on Lexi’s thigh. “I know that you still miss your templar, but I could prove to be a good distraction. I have experience with women, I could make you forget about him for a few hours,” he offered as he squeezed her thigh a little. “I have been told that I am quite proficient, actually,” he boasted as he grinned at her.  

“Yeah, I think I should not be present for this conversation,” Alistair interjected as he stood and walked off. Not to the dancers, just went for a simple walk.   

She just sighed, waiting for the senior warden to be out of earshot. She was way too tired for that conversation, but they needed to have it, so she placed a hand on top of his own. “No.” It was a simple answer, conveying what she could have said with a thousand more words, but it seemingly confused the man. So, she took his hand off her thigh. “I value you more than just a simple distraction, Aedan. But don’t expect me to give myself to you, because that is not going to happen. I respect myself more than to become a night of fun for someone, even if that someone is a friend.”  

“I didn’t say that it had to be one night only,” he pointed it out, missing her own point.  

“No, you did not. But I cannot give you more, so I will not give you anything. Romance is not for me; it never was.”  

“You still have feelings for the templar,” he realized. “Even after the things he said to you?”  

“Love is not easily forgotten, especially the first, that I intend to be the last for me. One heartbreak for a life was enough,” she explained.   

He visibly deflated as he pulled his hand away from her. “I thought, that…” he trailed off, clearly thinking about something. “But then again, you treat all of us like that,” he muttered, then pursed his lips. His honest, regretful grey eyes soon met hers. “I’m sorry. I… misinterpreted a few things, it seems like. Can, um, can we forget that this conversation happened?” he asked her, his voice hopeful and missing the confidence he usually had.  

She was thankful that he took the rejection well, so she simply asked him, “What conversation?”   

He looked confused for a few seconds, then realized what she meant and let out a relieved sigh. “Yeah. Nothing. We talked about nothing,” he said as he stood and walked to the rest of the dancers to linger around them, watching them from closer.   

Since the curled-up and already snoring Rabbit remained her sole company, she saw it best to retire to her own tent and try to get some sleep. Falling asleep was not hard; staying asleep, however… Like before, she tossed and turned, until she grew tired of it and left the warm tent in favor of reigniting the fire in the middle of their small campsite. It was already the middle of the night and other than the elven sentries that were keeping watch, no one was out and about. Only the insects and the occasional snoring broke through the silence as she sat and pulled her knees up, hugging those to herself. She knew now, that she could learn to condition her mind against giving in to the nightmares; creating a mental fortress of one’s mind was one of the most important aspects of the arcane warrior training. But it required time and her mind not to be in a constant state of exhaustion, and that seemed almost impossible to achieve at the moment. And her companions were all sleeping soundly, so she did not have the heart to wake one of them up and ask them to share a tent with her. She couldn’t rob them of a good night’s rest like that.  

She did her best to fall into a trance-like stance, to trick her mind into thinking that she was resting, when in reality she was anything but. She didn’t get far with this attempt, though as approaching footsteps alerted her to someone’s presence. That someone ended up being Alistair.  

“Nightmares again?” he asked her as he sat down next to her.  

“Mhm,” was her only reaction as she let her forehead rest against her knees.   

“Were you… alone in your tent?” His question sounded quite awkward. Then she remembered the topic he walked away from hearing earlier.   

“Mhm,” she repeated herself. “To Aedan’s disappointment.”  

They lapsed into silence until she yawned widely.  

“Listen… We did agree that we would help you sleep, so I could join you if you wanted,” her friend offered.  

She thought about it only for a few seconds. “Okay. Maybe that would help,” she agreed and crawled back inside her tent, patiently waiting for her friend to join her.   

Unlike Aedan the previous night, he kept a respectful distance from her, and she appreciated it. The sound of his even breathing eventually lulled her to sleep, but did not manage to keep her nightmares at bay. She saw increasingly horrifying sights, involving the people she had come to care about. They were in the Circle Tower; her nightmares always took place there. The wardens fought demon after demon, one stronger than the last. And they all fell. Their allies all fell. All but Lexi. She was the only one that remained, but the demons would not kill her, no. They wanted her body. To take possession of her. Trying to coerce her into agreeing.   

She shot up to sit with a cry on her lips, her entire body drenched in sweat. For a moment, she didn’t even know where she was. But she did not see the stonework of Kinloch Hold surround her, felt light breeze tickle her bare feet and heard someone’s light snoring coming from her left. Then she remembered. It was Alistair, deciding to share a tent with her to keep her company and chase her nightmares away. The same nightmares, that had her watch him get brutally slaughtered, as a Pride demon quite literally tore his heart out of his chest.   

With a trembling arm, she reached out to him, to check the skin above his heart. She needed to know... To make sure that he was alive...  

He caught her wrist, surprisingly swiftly for someone that was supposed to be sleeping. “What is it?” she heard his sleep-addled voice.   

She instantly let out a relieved sigh and patted his chest. “Sorry. Sorry... I just needed to make sure that... that you were alive. Sorry. Go back to sleep.”  

He grunted as a reply and turned to his side to face her, without letting go of her wrist. “You could sleep last night. What did Aedan do differently?” he asked her, then yawned.   

She thought back to what was different. “He... he held me,” she admitted.  

“Held you?”  

“Like a... like a hug, but lying down.”  

He snorted. “You cuddled?”   

“I... guess so? Is that weird?” It did feel weird to her.  

“Not after hearing his earlier proposition,” he answered and began tugging on her arm. She did not budge. “Come here and let me do the same.”  

“Proposition me?”  

He was quiet for a beat. “N-no. No, why would you...? No. Cuddle, I mean. It would also be weird, yes, but I am willing to experience some awkwardness in order to help you get some rest. You nearly died today and need the sleep.”  

She needed but a second to think about it, then she was pulling her bedroll closer to him and scooting close enough for a hug. He pulled her to his chest soon enough, his arm circling her and resting on her back, between her shoulder blades.   

“Thank you,” she whispered into his chest and got squeezed for a moment as a reply.   

She gave in to the exhaustion soon enough, her tired body succumbing to a dreamless sleep.   

The camp was already busy when her eyes snapped open, the sun shining brightly down through the cracks of the foliage above. Her friend was gone from her side, his bedroll, too, as if he was never even there. She almost started questioning herself if she could have imagined the whole thing, but the awkward smile and nod he gave her as she exited her tent convinced her of its reality.   

He was the only one out of the tent, or at least the only one she could see, so she ended up walking to him and squeezing his shoulder. “Thank you, again.”  

His awkward smile transformed into a genuine one. “You are welcome. I must say, that it... it actually felt really good. I’ve never slept like that with anyone,” he confessed.   

She sat down into the grass and pulled her hair free of the braid. It was barely in it anyways, and needed to be re-braided. That’s when she realized, that it was full of small twigs and leaves, that she began pulling out one by one, wondering about how long her hair had looked like a small bush. She grunted as she was having trouble untangling a particularly large knot.  

She gave up halfway done, huffing in frustration, and muttered, “I should just cut it back.” She didn’t think Alistair would hear her, but he did.  

“Don’t,” he protested her idea a little too quickly, earning a raised eyebrow. “Your hair is... it’s nice,” he explained his reasoning, and she frowned at him. She knew, that it was nice. She loved it. But maybe long hair was not designed for adventuring.   

“It doesn’t matter if it’s nice or not if it’s impractical,” she muttered. “But you are right. I do like it this length. For years, I kept it shorter, but it kept falling into my eyes. If I braid it like it was before, then I do not need to worry about not seeing anything.” She sighed as she managed to untangle the knot. “Finally. Is there a stream or something not far, where I could get rid of the dried blood that is still underneath my robe?”  

“Yeah, not far,” he answered and pointed away from the camp, indicating its direction. “Secluded, too, so people would not stumble upon you.”  

“Great. I’ll be back soon,” she told him, grabbed her backpack and wandered off in search of this stream.  

She needed more time to clean herself from head to toe than she would have expected, but at least by the time she returned to the camp, everyone was out and about, preparing breakfast and almost ready to leave. Since they had no remaining business with the Dalish, they ate and then packed up, and headed back to Redcliffe.   

Their journey there was mostly uneventful. They encountered some wild animals in the Brecilian Forest, and a few bandits on the road, but other than that... nothing. They continued keeping watches, people continued sharing Lexi’s tent in the night, even Lyna and Zevran. Natia curled up to Lexi, essentially reversing the position she was usually sleeping in. At least when it came to Alistair and Aedan. The latter of whom kept a respectful distance from her until she told him that they could cuddle if he wanted to. It helped her. Being that close to people kept her nightmares at bay. That’s what she thought at first, at least. But she had begun those exercises that she remembered from the life of the Presence that showed her the way of arcane warriors and had a feeling that might have helped even more.   

She decided to run a little experiment at Redcliffe. She knew that it would be best if she slept on her own during the nights spent in the castle or the inn at the village. She wanted the people to have no opportunity to start gossiping about the wardens. Her, most of all.  

They half expected Redcliffe village to be in the same condition they found Lothering in, at least that’s how Lexi figured, since they collectively sighed when they noticed the people working the farms instead of devastation and emptiness. Their numbers had dwindled significantly from the attacks of the walking dead, but they slowly got back to living their lives and making the most of what they were given.   

Those weeks they spent away from the village were enough for the people to clear the blood, the remains and the makeshift barricades they erected to shield themselves. Redcliffe actually looked like a village by then, as there were people out and about.   

Lexi decided to stay back instead of following the others to the castle and visited the blacksmith instead. She hadn’t forgotten about getting a blade attached to her staff, so that is exactly what she ended up commissioning. Since they had already divided the loot they acquired and decided they would wait for the rest of the wardens with selling the rest, she had enough coin to get a sharp, serrated blade attached to it and also to have her measurements taken for a set of armor. The blacksmith knew that she was of the Grey, so he prioritized her order and got right to it, promising to finish the armor set by the end of the week. Lexi doubted, that she would still be there by then, but at least her bladed staff would be ready within a day.   

She made her way to the castle after she was done at the blacksmith’s, and the knights let her in without any issues. They remembered her and let her know, that her friends would be with the Bann and Lady Isolde in the main hall, so that was where she headed. They were in the middle of a discussion when she arrived, with Connor present and playing with wooden toys near his mother and uncle.   

She did not miss the way Bann Teagen’s face lit up when he spotted her. “Ah, Lady Lexana. Welcome back to Redcliffe.”   

She made a face at him. “Ugh. Please, it’s just Lexi. I am not a lady; my magic made sure of that.”   

“You are the one that helped me!” Connor claimed as he swiftly stood and met her halfway to the long table, looking up at her with clear wonder on his face.  

“I am. Nice to meet you, Connor,” she told him with a small smile on her face.   

“Mother, I bet she could help!” the boy excitedly turned back to the Lady, who seemed less than certain about it.  

“With what?” Lexi cautiously inquired. She had a feeling she would not like their answer.  

Lady Isolde anxiously wrung her fingers together, sharing an uneasy look with the Bann. “About his… magic. You are clearly better trained than the blood mage, more capable. We had been wondering if you would be willing to teach him how to hide his magic?”  

The mage gave her an incredulous look. “No offense, Lady Isolde, but that would be an idiotic idea. That second try could end just as badly as the first did. If not more, because as Connor grows, so does his power. If he doesn’t learn to control it, creatures from the Fade would be the least of your worries. Besides, the Circle already knows about him. One day, templars will show up here to drag him away from everyone he loves, because that is what they do. They pull children away from their families, tearing siblings apart despite their wailing and protests,” she all but spat the last few words, projecting her own misgivings about this practice of the Chantry. It was still a sour topic for her, even after all these years.  

“They can’t!” the Lady protested.  

Lexi just scoffed as she crossed her arms above her chest. “They can and they will. The Chantry cares not whose son he is. He could be a prince and sole heir to a kingdom for all they care. He is a mage, and mages do not deserve freedom or happiness, or a normal life,” she explained. “Just a dark tower. To be constantly under the watchful eyes of the templars. To learn abilities that they cannot make any use of, because they are stuck in a freaking tower their entire lives!” she continued, snarling. She could tell, that her outburst surprised everyone present, so she shut her eyes and took a deep breath, calming her mind. “My apologies. Touchy subject.”  

“M-mother? I will have to go somewhere?” Connor innocently asked.   

“No, of course not, sweetheart,” Lady Isolde lied the same time Lexi told him “Yes.”  

The noblewoman sent her an angry look and prepared a retort, but Lexi was faster. “It is better he learns of it now, rather than later. Gives him time to prepare. I doubt that you would wish your only son to hate you for letting them take him away.”  

“I will not be letting them!” the woman protested.  

“You will. Even you cannot go against the religious fanaticism that is the Chantry,” she insisted, then knelt in front of Connor, seeking the boy’s terrified gaze. “What do you know about what you are?”  

“I am a mage.”  

“That is correct. What do you know of mages?”   

“That they do magic. And… And that they are dangerous to others. I don’t want to be dangerous to others!” he cried, unknowingly activating his dormant powers, sending out a smaller shockwave that nearly unbalanced Lexi enough for her to land on her back. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do that!” the boy cried as he dropped the toy he had been clutching and managed to set on fire. It only hurt his palm and upset him further, and that meant the flames intensified until Lexi extinguished them with a motion of her hands and hugged the boy.   

“It is alright. This happens sometimes. Emotions influence magic a great deal.”  

“I could have hurt someone!” he wailed.  

“Yes, you could have,” she told him the truth. “But” she pulled away from him and grabbed his wrist to see his self-inflicted injury, “for every spell that could cause harm, there is one that heals it” she healed his palm with a small spell, then cast a ward around the two of them, “or prevents it outright. It is up to the mage what we do with the power we command.” She let the ward drop and turned to the nearly horrified lady. “I will not teach him how to hide his magic; that would only lead to tragedy. But I will show him how to learn to control it to avoid harming the people around him. Start, at least. I doubt that the second half of our companions are far enough away for us to make much progress. If you permit me, of course,” she added, seeing the hesitation on the woman. Bann Teagan gave Lady Isolde a resolute nod in lieu of a vocal advice, and that was enough for the Orlesian.  

“Very well. You are a capable mage, so I shall trust you with this,” Lexi was told.  

“Would you like to begin your studies now?” the mage turned to the sniffling boy, who was in the middle of wiping his nose on the sleeve of his tunic. He nodded at her, and got a wide grin back. “Excellent.” She turned to her quietly watching companions, who wisely decided to stay out of the previous discussion. “Any of you want to witness some boring study session?”   

A resounding “No,” was her answer, and it did not surprise her. She turned back to the nobles.  

“Is there a room that we could use? One with furniture that you would not mind seeing destroyed. He seems to have an affinity for fire and needs to learn to reign it in,” she explained.  

“Oh, um… There is an old storage room full of furniture,” the Lady told her and prepared to stand, but the Bann placed a hand on her forearm to make her stay.   

“Stay with our guests, Isolde. I will show them there.”  

“Thank you, Teagan.”  

“You’ll know where to find me if the others turn up today,” Lexi turned to her friends. “That is unlikely, but you never know,” she added, then shrugged and followed the nobleman. Connor stayed by her side, seemingly deep in his thoughts.   

“Thank you for doing this, Lexi,” the man spoke as they walked.   

“It is no problem. I used to help the younger apprentices at the tower, so I know what needs to be done.”  

“You are young yourself,” he pointed it out. “How did you end up teaching them while even you were only an apprentice?”  

“I got to the Circle when I was five, and I was always attentive, so I learnt quickly, picking up on abilities even the oldest apprentices had troubles with. Eventually, people started approaching me for help.”  

“Then Connor will be in good hands,” he concluded, and fell into silence until they found the storage room they were looking for.   

The bann left them alone to practice, and for hours Lexi tried to show him that there was nothing to fear when it came to his own magic. That was his biggest problem. That he was afraid of himself. That mental block inhibited him enough to lessen his control, and it was the first obstacle he needed to pass. A few hours in the afternoon would not be enough for it, Lexi knew. Maybe not even days or weeks would be. He might not remember anything of the whole ordeal with the demon, but his subconscious does. His body remembers the possession and the power that came with it.   

The boy was not the best student she’s ever had, but he did pay attention. She was patient with him, the same as always, and when she figured they had spent enough time on it, she concluded their study session and sent the boy on his way, while she navigated her way to the dungeon to check on Jowan. It was dark down there; the only brazier that was lit was far from his cell.   

With a flick of her wrist, she ignited the nearest torch on the wall, alerting the blood mage to her presence. She could hear him scrambling to stand and was already at the door, gripping the bars of his cell tightly.   

“Lexi!” he greeted her. She couldn’t tell if it was delight or fear in his voice.   

She didn’t even know what she was doing there. What was the purpose of her visit? “Jowan. How are they treating you?” she asked him as she put her back to the wall and slid down to sit. Her… friend? Former friend? He followed her example and placed his back against the bars.   

“Well, they hadn’t tortured me in weeks, so it’s not so bad. They feed me, every day, even, so I cannot complain. Would be better out of this cell, but I am not a complete moron. I know that will not happen anytime soon. How are the boy and the arl?”  

“I destroyed the demon, so Connor is fine. The arl’s health is the same. One half of the wardens are out looking for a solution. They are due to arrive back soon, I think,” she answered. There was no reason to keep these things from him, so she did not withhold this information.  

“So, you’ve been here all these weeks with the second half?” he asked, his voice conveying how hurt he was by her supposed admission that she did not bother visiting him.  

“No. While the others went to Denerim, following a lead, the rest of us visited the Brecilian Forest to make use of the ancient treaties the Dalish signed with the Wardens. We fought werewolves. I nearly died. Again. But I also learnt something fascinating,” she told him, excited. “I learnt how to fight with swords.”  

He scoffed. “You’ve always loved that wooden sword of yours.”  

“Yes, but the one I used to gut two werewolves was a real one,” she pointed it out. “An ancient elf taught me the way of the arcane warriors. They are fascinating, Jowan! I remember snippets of the spirit’s life and can tell, that if properly trained, they could function as one-man armies! If I could reach my full potential, I could kill so many darkspawn!” He made a noncommittal sound, making Lexi realize, that he probably did not care one bit. She bit down on her lip.  

What was she doing there? Jowan didn’t care! Why did she even bother?  

“Sorry. I… I have no one to talk to about magic,” she confessed with a small voice as she shut her eyes and tilted her head against the wall. “Senior Enchanter Wynne and Morrigan both went to Denerim, so I am the only mage the wardens have now.”  

“Wynne?”  

“Yeah. She was permitted to join us on our journey after…” she trailed off, realizing, that Jowan probably didn’t even know what happened at Kinloch Hold a few weeks ago. “Maker, Jowan, you don’t even know, do you?”  

“Know what?”  

“The Tower… Jowan, was Uldred the one that showed you blood magic?”   

He sputtered. It sounded extremely fake, so Lexi knew that her suspicion was correct. “N-no?”  

“You are a terrible liar. Tell me something. If he decided to take over the Circle, using the blood magic he was so proficient with, would you have helped him?”   

“W-well, that depends, I guess,” came the disappointing answer, that had her clench her fists, as images of what she witnessed came to the forefront of her mind.   

“Depends on what?” she asked with an icy tone.   

“O-on what his end goal would be.”  

“If he wanted to change the Circle, would you have joined him? No matter the consequences?” she kept asking him, her hands trembling in suppressed anger.  

“Um, well, I-I really don’t know. Maybe? Some change would be needed in the Circles. We are treated like prisoners! The templars always watching us like hawks…”  

“That is exactly what he ended up doing, Jowan,” she spat. “He attempted to take over the Circle with his blood mages, summoning demons, creating abominations, and murdering nearly everyone! So few survived! So few,” she repeated, trying to hold back her tears at the vivid memories, but her voice betrayed her.  

Jowan noticed it and reached out to her through the bars to gently place his hand on her forearm to comfort her. She did not have the strength to pull away.   

“Cullen?” he asked her, afraid of the answer.  

“One of the few survivors. He was… We… You remember my birthday a few months ago? How sullen I was when you gave me the cupcake?”   

“Yeah. It was odd. Baked goods never failed to cheer you up before.”  

“You also noticed the wooden sword. It was a gift from him, because he knew I missed the other. He also kissed me, then all but shoved me away, like I was infected with a plague of some sorts. I avoided him for weeks after that, until that fateful day after my Harrowing. He asked me to meet him later, to sort this mess out I presume, but I could only say goodbye to him after I was conscripted into the Grey Wardens. And weeks later, when I saw him again… He had been tortured by demons for days by the time we showed up. Desire demons, to be precise. Taking my visage over and over again, trying to break him. He didn’t. He stayed strong. But after all that was done to him because of mages, he began feeling nothing but shame regarding his feelings for me. That is all that remained. Shame for falling for a mage. It hurts so fucking much,” she confessed, her voice weak as she tried to keep herself from bawling her eyes out again. “I could understand if he hated me on account of being a mage. I know I hate those mages that were involved in that coup. But I cannot understand the shame. I just cannot.”  

“I’m sorry, Lexi,” he said, his voice honest and filled with compassion. He squeezed her arm for a but a moment, then quickly pulled his hand away when he heard hastily approaching armored footsteps.  

She wiped the tears off her wet face, to have a better chance at pretending she was fine, and turned to the visitor.   

She wasn’t surprised, when it ended up being Alistair. He knew the castle best, so he remembered the way to the dungeons.   

“Hey, um, we are about to have dinner, if you wanted to join,” he told her, not even questioning the tears in her eyes. He was aware of her fragile mental state. Her stomach growled for food, answering her friend before she did, and eliciting a chuckle out of him. “Come on, then.”  

She turned back to Jowan. “I’ll visit later. I don’t know for how long we will stay in this castle.”  

“Yeah. Okay,” was his disheartened reaction. Lexi wished she had some comforting words to say to him, but after all that had happened, all he had done… She had nothing.   

Her warden friend remained in silence until they were out of the dungeon, allowing her to pull herself together. “Are you okay?”  

“I am. Just… I needed to tell him what happened at the tower, and it isn’t exactly easy to talk about it. Besides, I wanted to know if he would have joined Uldred’s coup if he were there.”  

“And?” Her silence was enough of an answer for him. “I recall you mentioning that he isn’t malicious,” he reminded her.  

“He isn’t!” she protested. “He’s just…”  

“He would have aided in the massacre we witnessed, Lexi! He might have even slaughtered others! What is that if not malicious?”  

She frowned at him. She did not believe that. “No. He would have helped Uldred at the beginning, but once the killing started, he would have tried to make it stop and probably would have been killed for it.”  

Alistair scoffed, finding this unlikely. “Why would he have done that? He had no trouble poisoning the Arl.”  

“That’s different.”  

“Oh, is it?” His voice took a sarcastic undertone, so she grabbed his arm and forced him to stop. His eyes showed his anger over the topic as she stepped in front of him and faced him.  

“It is. He had no reason not to trust Loghain. The man is a well-known war hero, for crying out loud! Even at Ostagar, we suspected nothing! How was Jowan, of all people to know what a traitor he is?” she tried to explain.  

“It isn’t about Loghain! It is about poisoning the Arl. If you are willing to excuse that on account of him—”  

“No,” she interrupted him. “I am not taking the blame away from him. It was an idiotic decision I never thought he would make, but it was also an act of a desperate man that had nothing to lose. He lost the only home he had ever known. He lost the woman he loved and wanted to live a quiet, magicless life with. In his desperation, he was willing to do anything to get at least his home back.”  

“That is still no excuse to attempt to murder someone.”  

“You are right, Alistair. It isn’t. Nothing justifies murder. And there is nothing we can do about it other than try to find a way to heal Arl Eamon. Undo at least some of the damage Jowan caused.”  

Her friend’s scowl only deepened at the mention of the cure, making her believe, that even he did not hold out much hope for finding one. “And if there isn’t one? Will you let them enact justice on the blood mage?”  

“Of course.”  

He narrowed his eyes at her, searching for a lie. “You wouldn’t try to set him free? Let him escape?”  

“What for? So that he could make even more mistakes? No. He needs to pay for what he did. I will support whatever punishment they deem fit for him.” Not that she expected them to let him go back to the Circle… But becoming Tranquil was still better than being dead. It would have been strangely poetic if that is what they ended up doing. He escaped the Tower because they were going to perform the Rite on him, yet he still wound up as a Tranquil.  

Her friend was nodding at her answer, finding it honest and satisfactory. “Good. Good,” he reacted, shrugged her hand off and moved around her to continue their way to the main hall, that was just around the corner. She sighed before hurrying to catch up to him.  

The rest of their companions were already sitting at the long table, chattering away and barely even noticing when the two joined them. It was the best food they had in weeks, so they were all eager to just dig in. Warden metabolism was no joke; they needed all the energy they could get.  

They all retired to their assigned rooms after the dinner, all of them pleasantly tired after spending weeks on the road.  

Chapter Text

There was plenty of time to spend sleeping, so after retiring to her room, she took out the book she had bought at the Dalish camp and continued her studies of the art of shapeshifting. It was an intriguing read; every word had her hanging on, wanting more and more. Then again, she was like this with most books of the arcane nature. This one was no exception.  

She was so enthralled by what she was reading, she completely missed the first knock on her door, only hearing the second, much louder one. It was Alistair, already out of armor, checking up on her. She gave him a questioning look when he wasn’t talking and raised an eyebrow at him.  

He cleared his throat, almost awkwardly. “It, ehm, it would be my turn tonight,” he simply told her.   

“Oh, yeah,” she recalled. “I’m good, thank you. I don’t think that we want to start any gossip in here about two wardens sharing a bedroom, let alone a bed. Besides, I believe I have made a lot of progress with some mind-clearing exercises I remember that were taught to the spirit that ended up teaching me. I don’t think any sharing will be required anymore. But I’ll let you know if that changes,” she explained, smiling at him.  

“Alright. Good night, then,” he told her and turned to leave, but paused. “I have the room next door. If you do end up needing the company,” he let her know.   

She only nodded at him and closed the door behind as soon as he left. She figured he had the right idea and decided to postpone her studies of the arcane tome in favor of getting a good night’s rest. She changed out of her robe and extinguished the candles around the room with a wave of her hand, leaving only the fireplace lit. The warmth it provided was needed for the night.   

She gave up trying to fall asleep after nearly an hour of tossing and turning and scowled as she threw the blanket off herself. Murmuring some curses under her nose, she picked up the book, lit the candle on the bedside table and continued reading, hoping that it would eventually lull her to sleep. By around midnight, her eyes were constantly drooping, and she could not make sense of what she was reading, so she snapped the book shut and prepared to extinguish the flame again, when she stopped the motion, hearing her door open slowly.   

She turned to the intruder, expecting to need to defend herself, but it ended up being only Alistair, creeping in like a weirdo. She raised her eyebrows at him as she crossed her arms above her chest, leaning back against the bedpost.   

“You are still awake,” he simply told her, flustered and a little surprised.  

“So are you. And creeping into the room. Why exactly?” she demanded an explanation.   

He leant against the doorframe and ran his fingers through his disheveled hair. Lexi could have sworn his hand trembled slightly. “I… had a nightmare. Several, actually,” he confessed, almost embarrassed. He kept his gaze off her, his brows furrowed as he stared at the floor as if it hid the solution to all his problems.   

She really wasn’t planning on sharing her bed with any of her friends, but they had been doing this for her. The least she could do was provide comfort to one of them when he needed it.  

“Come here,” she told him and patted the empty side of the bed. He certainly didn’t need to be told twice, as he was closing the door behind himself in a second and was making himself comfortable in the bed soon enough. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked as she slid down from sitting to lying and turned to her side to face him, propping her head up.   

“No. Not right now. Maybe in the morning,” came the sleepy answer that turned into a yawn by the end. His eyes were already closed as soon as his head hit the pillow.   

She chuckled as she extinguished the candle and followed his example, soon falling into a dreamless sleep that lasted all the way until morning. As she blinked her eyes open, she realized, that she was facing her friend, who still seemed to be slumbering, holding one of her hands in an iron grip. That was the least amount of contact she woke up to, as he usually had her tucked underneath his chin, hugging her close. She didn’t mind this, though, as she could turn onto her back and look out the window, trying to make the exact time out. She could only see that the sky was clear blue, and that meant that it was already past dawn.   

She was quite bored, not being able to do anything but stay in bed, but she didn’t want to wake Alistair up, allowing him to get all the rest he needed.   

Lexi knew that he woke, when he reflexively squeezed the hand he was holding, then let go and groaned a bit as he turned onto his back and yawned widely.   

“Morning,” she greeted him, and he startled, not expecting her to be awake already. She stifled a laugh at seeing him place a hand above his heart, willing it to slow down.  

“It is a morning, indeed,” he muttered as he hid his face behind his other arm. “Did you get any sleep?” he asked her, barely audibly muttering from behind his arm.   

“Yeah. Better than you did, by the looks of it.” A grunt was his only reply. “Other nightmares?”  

“Yes. I mean, no. Not exactly nightmares. Guess it depends on the perspective, really,” he explained. “Not horrifying stuff, but unsettling instead. And not at all far from the truth.”  

“And that is bad? The truth, I mean.”  

He took a few seconds to think about an answer. “It wouldn’t be, in any other circumstance, I think. But many things would need to change for it to matter, to be real. I… think I need to accept it that it is something that would forever remain in my dreams.”  

“Does it need to?” He pulled his arm away from his face and turned to face her, his expression almost constipated. He was thinking about a response. “Do I even dare ask what it is exactly?”  

He let out an embarrassed chuckle. “Hehe... Funny thing—” He was interrupted by a knock, that made him curse. “Damn. I should not be found here.”   

“Well, it’s too late now,” she told him as she climbed out of bed and approached the door, cracking it open just enough to see the person that knocked.  

To her biggest surprise, it ended up being Bann Teagan. “Good morning,” he greeted her, accompanied by a small smile. “I am looking for Alistair. Your dwarven friend told me that he would most likely be with you,” the man continued. “I... did not realize, that the two of you were—”  

“We’re not,” Alistair spoke hastily as he all but jumped out of the bed. Lexi opened the door wider in turn, stepping out of the way. “We’re not... anything.”  

“The events at the Circle Tower left me traumatized,” she explained to the nobleman. “To chase my nightmares away, the rest of the wardens decided to take turns sharing a tent, and now a bed, with me for comfort. Last night was his turn.”  

The man nodded in understanding, accepting her reasoning. It was true, so he had no reason to mistrust her. And even if he did, what of it? He had no business in their private affairs, anyways.   

“What do you need me for?” her friend ended up asking as he walked up to them.  

“Matters of the crown.”  

Alistair’s eyes grew wide. “Oh, no. No, no. I’m not getting involved with that.”  

“You are the only living son of Maric. The throne should be yours,” Teagan informed him. “There is some news from a few of the areas that would concern you, the closest thing we have to royalty.”  

Lexi’s friend looked more panicked by the second. “Help?” he turned to her.   

“What do you want me to do? Tell him to piss off and leave you be? Just go with him and hear him out,” she told her friend, who did not seem to take her suggestion well, if his narrowed eyes were anything to go by.  

“But I don’t want to,” he whined.  

She rolled her eyes as she stepped away from the door and stepped behind him to quite literally push him out of the room. Well, she would have, but he could be immovable when he wanted to be. “Don’t act like a petulant child. Just hear the man out,” she continued as she kept pushing against his back. “Alistair,” she warned him, but he did not move.  

“Come with me?” he asked her, hope filling his voice.  

She grunted. “No. Go to Aedan. If anyone knows about the nobility of Ferelden, it’s him.”  

“But you are a noblewoman,” he insisted. Petulantly. She just wanted to whack him on the head to make him see some sense.  

“From the Free Marches. And only if Duncan was right about that. It is still not certain. Maybe it happens to be a popular name.”  

“But you grew up in Ferelden!”  

“In a glorified prison!” she told him, increasingly more exasperated with his refusal to leave with the Bann. “Alistair,” she warned him again.   

“Do I have to?”  

“Do not make me pick you up and carry you out. You know that I would be able to do that now,” she added as she continued shoving against his back, to his growing annoyance.   

“You know, I liked you more when you could not physically overpower me with those noodle arms of yours,” he commented.  

“And I liked you more when you decided to act like an adult instead of an overgrown, petulant child,” she retorted right back at him. She wanted to shove him, but Teagan was in the way, so she ended up abandoning her idea and stepped away from her friend, glaring at him. “Go.”  

“Na ah,” he resisted still.   

She sighed as she shut her eyes and massaged the bridge of her nose. She only opened her eyes when she heard a low chuckle coming from the Bann. He was giving them an amused look.  

“Does this amuse you, my lord?” she asked him, less than amused herself.  

He visibly tried his best not to burst out laughing, even ending up biting the inside of his cheek. “A little. My apologies,” he told her. “I believe it would be best if you joined us for those talks,” he concluded.   

“No. Because that would mean that he won!” she protested.  

“I wasn’t aware that we were having a competition,” her friend said.  

“You made it into one! And no, I will not be joining you,” she warned him as she stabbed a finger at his chest. “You need to learn some damn responsibility, especially if you do end up as king.”  

“I am responsible!”  

“Only when it suits you! It is not something that should be turned off and then on again when you need it!”  

“But--” She opened her mouth to interrupt him, but he clamped his hand down on it. “Hear me out, just hear me out.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Who better to learn responsibility from than you, hm? You are the leader of the wardens, so...”  

She tore his hand away from her mouth. “I am not the leader of the wardens. And we are not having that conversation again,” she firmly told him. “Because, again, it is a prime example of you running from your responsibilities. As the senior warden amongst us, it should fall to you.”  

“Right, maybe that wasn’t the best example, but you get the point of it.”  

She scoffed. “Yes, I get it. You want me there, so that if you were faced with any decisions, you would not need to make those on your own. Lesson number one: don’t let other people decide for you. It sounds easier, but could just as easily backfire.”  

“Fine, then. I decide that I want you to attend those talks.”  

She groaned, having lost all her patience with him. “That’s not how decisions work!”   

“Yes, it is!”  

She took a deep breath. She was just done with this conversation. “Fine. You know what? Fine,” she told him, then looked at the amused Bann. “Please, step out of the way, Bann Teagan. I do not wish to accidentally hurt you.”  

“H-hurt him? What are you going to do?” Alistair asked her as the nobleman kindly stepped out of the way.  

“End this aggravating conversation one way or another,” she answered, gathering just enough of her magic to let him feel it. As a templar, he was trained to notice even the lightest fluctuations in magic, so she knew, that he would not miss it.  

He did not. “Alright, alright,” he gave in, unwilling to learn what she had in mind for him. In truth, she had nothing. She just wanted to get him moving and it was the best way to achieve it. He quickly walked out the door, and as soon as he did, Lexi smirked at him and let go of her magic.  

“Now, was that so hard?” she asked him then promptly slammed the door in his face.   

“I think I’ve been tricked,” she heard his dejected voice through the door. That was when the Bann finally burst out laughing. She thought that would be the end of it, but no. Alistair remained persistent. Through the door, he asked, “Lexi? Please? You will not have to participate, or anything. Just be there for moral support, I guess?”  

“Maker, you are more stubborn than a mule,” she muttered loud enough for him to hear it.  

“I heard that!”  

“And it is true! But fine, I will consider it during breakfast,” she gave in, having absolutely no intentions to actually join them.  

“Great! You are the best!”   

“Yes, yes. Now be so kind as to piss off and let me change into something less comfortable in peace.”  

“Rude. But fair enough,” he reacted. She only sagged back against the door when she heard their footsteps heading away from her. She sighed.   

An argument like this was not the best way to start a day. She already felt drained enough, but she had many things she needed to do for the day. She needed to tutor Connor, check on the blacksmith’s progress...   

She could only hope that the second half of their party would be returning soon.  

Lexi had no idea where the rest of the wardens were, as she did not meet any of them at the kitchens, nor in the main hall, so she decided she would grab what she wanted to eat and then make her way up to the battlements, gazing out at Lake Calenhad. She could even see the Circle Tower in the distance, looming over everything else. The weather was nice, the light breeze that wafted over from the lake welcome and pleasant for the impromptu picnic she was having, sitting on the ledge. It was a great method to clear her head for the day and make her forget the early morning argument. Or at least try to. She started feeling bad for brushing her friend off like that, when he clearly needed some form of support, so she decided to join them, postponing the rest of her planned activities.  

Only they forgot to tell her where they would be found.   

It seemed logical to her to seek out Arl Eamon’s personal study first, and she ended up being right. The Bann was sitting behind a large desk, while her friend paced in front of him, almost anxiously. His entire face lit up when he spotted Lexi in the doorway.  

“I knew, that I could count on you!” he exclaimed proudly as he grinned at her, absolutely delighted. She seemingly made the right decision if it caused him such happiness.  

She rolled her eyes as she made herself comfortable in an armchair and pulled the tome about shapeshifting from her bag, intending to tune out their conversation and continue studying. She succeeded. For about two minutes.  

“What do you think, Lexi?” her friend turned to her, bringing her out of the book.  

“What? What do I think about what?”  

He gave her a confused look, then a frown when he saw that she was reading. “Really?”  

“I am only here to provide moral support for you,” she pointed it out, shrugging her shoulders.   

“That doesn’t mean that you cannot pay attention!”  

She raised an eyebrow at him. “It also doesn’t mean that I should.”   

“This is important, Lexi.”  

“Is it? Then perhaps I should not be involved at all. Fereldan politics is no business of mine,” she retorted as she snapped the book shut and prepared to leave, but his large hand landing on her shoulder stopped her.  

“Okay, okay. Just... stay, please?”   

She rolled her eyes as she returned to her book. She ended up not paying attention to it, so after a few minutes, put it away and paid attention to the men instead. They were discussing some rumors about the different nobles believing Loghain, or the opposite; knowing he betrayed his king. Lexi noted, that there seemed to be less people supporting them, than were supporting him, and that did not come as a surprise to her.   

“We could gain support if we revealed your existence,” Teagan told her friend. “But I would hold off on that until my brother recovered.”  

“Would they even believe that claim?” she asked him, revealing the fact, that she was indeed listening in. It surprised both of them.  

The Bann nodded at her. “Alistair bears a strong resemblance to both Cailan and Maric. Those that knew at least one of them would know, that he is of Theirin blood the moment they see him.”  

“And what would that mean for me? In the long run?” Alistair asked him, close to despairing as he finally stopped pacing and took a seat. “Would you really try to make me king? I wasn’t made to be one. I’m a Grey Warden.”  

The nobleman took a deep, heavy breath. “There is no one else. With Bryce Cousland murdered by Howe...”  

“Cousland? Aedan is a Cousland! Are you saying, that we could put him on the throne instead?” Alistair perked up, quickly latching on to the idea.  

“No, unfortunately. Even as a bastard, you would gain more support. While his family is... was influential, it was mostly his father that the people supported on account of him being close allies with Maric.”  

“And there is no one else in Ferelden that could be put on the throne?” she asked him. “Anora has no real claim to the throne, since her marriage to Cailan was childless and the Mac Tirs were only elevated to a higher status at the end of the war against Orlais. What about you or your brother? Your sister was queen, who fought alongside your father and the Theirins both in that same war.”  

“She did?” was Alistair’s surprised question.  

“Seriously, have you been taught nothing about Ferelden’s history? You grew up in this castle!” she said, exasperated at his question.  

That made him bristle. “I suppose, they might have made an effort to educate me, but...” he trailed off, shrugging, making her groan. “But hey, knowing things like that is exactly what advisors are for, right?”    

Even Teagan sighed at that. “Going back to your suggestion, Lexi. While Eamon is well-liked by most, there are some that cannot and will not ignore, that he married an Orlesian woman. Putting him on the throne would put Isolde as his queen, and many would view that as clear betrayal of everything our father and sister fought so hard for. And I myself do not have that much of an influence to stand a chance at the Landsmeet,” he explained.  

Lexi frowned at the man. She most certainly did not like their odds. While she liked Alistair, she was beginning to have her doubts about his capabilities as a ruler, after his most recent attitude. “So, it’s either Alistair or Anora,” she concluded. “While I know nearly nothing about Anora, personally, I am against her on principle. It’s hard to let a traitor’s daughter rule a country and not expect another betrayal.”  

“Exactly!” Alistair agreed, then frowned, as it dawned on him. “Oh, wait. That would mean...”   

“Yup.”