Chapter Text
GABI
There goes Luisa striding around like a giantess. She always seems to be busy and in the middle of something and I don’t want to take up too much of her time.
“Hey, Luisa! Do you have a moment?” I call to her and wave.
She changes course and comes towards me. “Of course, Gabi. What can I do for you?”.
Our dog, Azulo, is very excited to see her. I’ve noticed that whenever she passes the shop, if Azulo is outside, she always stops to pet him and give him ear scritches. She bends down to give him a pat now and he’s wagging his tail like crazy. He’s a medium sized dog but looks like a puppy next to her enormous hand. She then stands back up to her full height. I don’t know exactly how tall she is, but I think she’s taller than my dad and brother and they’re both very tall. She’s also very broad and I feel like a tiny speck next to her.
“Nothing, thanks. I’ve got something for you”.
I’ve made her some new shoes. They’ve got thicker soles, more cushioning and grip. They don’t look too different to her current shoes and they’re still very pretty, though. She likes her shoes to be pretty.
“Here. I thought you could use some extra support. The soles have traction too, so they’re less slippery”.
“Wow. You made these for me?” She asks as she takes them, looking at them with wide eyes. “But I didn’t order them”.
“I know. I just wanted to make them. Just a gift”.
Funnily, even though she’s so tall and big, her feet are quite small, comparatively. As my family are the town’s shoemakers, I know everyone’s feet well and know that she and I have the same size feet, though hers are wider.
“I also made you these, for the end of the day”. I hold out some dog shaped fluffy slippers that I'd been holding behind my back. I know that since Casita was rebuilt, she’s supposed to be taking time to relax, so I thought these would encourage her to put her feet up.
She’s beaming. “They look like Azulo!”
“I used him as a model”.
“Oh, wow. I love them. Thank you so much”.
She hugs them to herself. I'm so glad she likes them.
“It was a pleasure”.
Someone’s calling for her. She shrugs. “I’d better get going. Thank you again. That’s so nice of you. I really, really appreciate it. Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you in return”.
She reaches out and gives my arm a pat. She then gives me a smile and strides off.
LUISA
At home, I can’t wait to try my new shoes. Just as I've finished tying the second one on, my mother comes past and notices them.
“Oh, you have new shoes?”
“Gabi made them for me”.
I stand and point one foot to show them off properly. They’re really comfortable and I can already feel the difference in the soles. Usually, I can feel every stone or crack beneath my feet and would be feeling the gaps between the floor tiles now but can barely feel anything. I can also tell that they’re gripping the tile. They feel springy, too.
“I hadn't realised you'd ordered new shoes”.
“I didn't. She said she just made them as a gift”.
I almost ask it as a question. I’m not usually given gifts. Or praise or thanks.
“Did you do some chores for her family?”
“No. In fact, I can’t remember the last time any of them asked me to do anything for them. Maybe she just wanted to practice a new model. I’ve never had shoes like these before”.
My mother kneels down to look more closely at them. “Well, that was really sweet of her. They’re such a nice family. Tomorrow morning, you must take them some fresh bread to say thanks”.
“Thanks Mama. That’s a good idea”.
“Of course, Gabi’s very like her mother. She was a lovely woman. And Gabi’s very talented. Those shoes look like they fit wonderfully and will be perfect for you, with everything you have to do. But the Fabelas always do such a good job”.
It’s true. The Fabelas’ shoes are always great quality, and their shop is always a lively, fun place to be. Her dad taught Gabi and her older brother, Fabián very well and they were all friendly and great with customers.
GABI
I see Luisa in the distance. Something’s wrong, though. Even from here, I can tell her shoulders are slumped and she’s dragging her feet. I realise I haven’t seen her in a while but that’s not unusual, as she’s usually busy all over town every day.
I run over to her and touch her arm.
“Hey. Are you okay?”
Her face crumples and her lower lip trembles. She tries to avoid my gaze. I don’t think I’ve seen her without a smile or determination on her face, since the miracle came back.
“I’m…okay”.
That’s clearly not the truth.
“Come with me”.
I take her arm and lead her to my house. My room is away from the rest of the house, so we can get there without running into my dad or brother, should they be home. I don’t think Luisa’s in the mood for small talk or my dad’s jokes.
My room feels really small, as her huge frame seems to nearly fill it. She was a lot closer to my size the last time she was here. I pull her down to sit on my bed, which seems like a doll’s bed right now. I dash out and return with a glass of water for her and sit down beside her.
“Thank you”. Her voice is shaky.
“Luisa, what’s happened? What’s wrong?”
She puts the glass down and puts her face in her hands and sobs.
“Oh, honey. I don’t know if I’ll be able to help, but I promise I’ll try. Even if all I can do is listen. Please tell me what’s upsetting you so much”.
She says quietly, so I can barely hear - “I…I think I’m losing my gift. Again”.
“Oh. What happened to make you think that?”
“These last couple of days, it keeps coming and going. It’s there sometimes but sometimes …it’s gone. And everybody’s always asking and asking me to do things, and I don’t want to tell them the truth. I’ve just been avoiding everyone or pretending I’m busy but it’s not easy. And if I lose my gift forever, what will I do?”
“I’m sure it’s just temporary. Do you want to know what I think? If that happened, it would be good for the people around here to fend for themselves. They’re getting far too spoilt and reliant on you! They’re still asking you to do things they could easily do themselves. They really haven't learned from last time. They went back to their old ways really quickly. Taking advantage of the fact that you’re too nice to refuse. Maybe you just need a rest. Have you been taking any time off? Any time for yourself?”
She looks at me sadly and shakes her head.
“Luisa, you know you’re supposed to. I’m not saying you should retire, but maybe you need to take some time to …replenish”.
“But everyone’s counting on me”.
“Well, tough! You should put yourself first for once. You can’t give of an empty vessel, as my Abuela used to say. Yes, you’re super strong but you’re not a machine. Everyone needs to have fun or relax. I thought that was supposed to be the new rule for you”.
“But everyone seems to need so much from me. And I like helping. I have to help the town”.
“No-one’s done more for the town than you. These are grown people. It shouldn't be all your responsibility. Do you know what might be causing it?”
She shrugs.
“Look, you could hurt yourself if your power goes in the middle of, I don’t know, lifting a bridge or something. Or worse. It’s madness. You can’t risk doing stuff like that until it’s fixed for sure. I don’t know how this magic works. What do your family say?”
“I’ve told Mirabel but I can’t tell the others. Well, I suppose Dolores knows too but she hasn’t said anything. They’d be so disappointed in me. Especially as the rest of them seem to be fine. I must have done something wrong, I guess”.
“None of this is your fault. Maybe they could help? Or at least stick up for you and tell the towns folk to back off you for a while. Especially if it came from your Abuela, they’d listen. Could you ask her?”.
She shakes her head, her huge shoulders drooping.
I put my arm around her. She hugs me back tightly, still sobbing. I take her hand and look in her eyes. She looks so sad, I can’t bear it.
“Okay. Here’s what we’ll do. I can help you with your chores tomorrow. I’m not that strong but we can put our heads together and work something out. I’ve got a cart we can carry things in, and we can use other tools to help us get things done. And anything that’s too much, we’ll just say ‘no’ to. It will be okay. I promise”.
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely”.
“Thanks Gabi. You’re always so kind to me”.
“You deserve it, cariño”.
Suddenly, I hear a knock on my door. It’s my dad’s half of our special knock. I heave myself off the bed and do my half of the knock. Years ago, I realised I could just shout in reply, but the two-part knock is our special thing.
My dad calls through, “Oh, you are in there. Can you do a delivery for me, please, preciosa?”
“Sure, Pa. I’ll meet you in the shop in a minute”.
I hear his footsteps recede.
“You can stay here. I won’t be long. Just relax, okay. I'll let my dad know to leave you in peace”.
She nods and I gesture for her to lie down. She unties her shoes and swings her legs onto the bed. She can’t lie flat, as she’s too tall for it but she makes herself as comfortable as she can.
LUISA
Gabi leaves and closes the door behind her but almost immediately, comes back in holding Azulo. She places him in my arms.
“He’ll look after you while I’m gone”.
She smiles and then leaves again.
I lay back and Azulo makes himself comfortable on my chest. I stroke him and want to rant out loud to him, but Dolores will hear or he might tell Antonio. Maybe he can’t understand me, only Tonito, and he’ll just tell him that that big girl was upset about something and even that’s too much. I can’t risk it. I keep it in my head.
I can’t believe this is happening again. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I broken again? Or are we all about to lose it all, for the second time? I can’t go through it again. I nearly lost my mind last time. Everyone else coped fine. Mostly. Months and months without our gifts, thinking they’d never come back but they all got by. Even mama, and she really needed her gift then. Tia Pepa and Dolores were more relaxed than I’d ever seen them. But I’d never needed my gift more. We had a house to rebuild. That should have been the perfect time for Luisa to step up. But I could barely do anything. And when I tried, my body would not cooperate. Could not be strong. Everything was so heavy and difficult. Getting hurt like other people do. My own body, hindering me and slowing me down. There was pain for the first time I could remember. Agony. Cuts, swelling, numbness, muscles screaming with no hope of a healing meal. Just from lifting a few small rocks. Everyone saying I was doing well. That I was really helping, but I wasn’t. I was so embarrassed. All I have is my body and my gift and it all deserted me. But then the magic did come back, thanks to Mirabel. And now... Mirabel says she’s working on it but what if she can’t fix it? How could she fix it? No-one knows how any of this works. Not really. There's no rule book. I’m supposed to be the one looking after her. Why does she always have to be the one saving me? When I didn’t try to save her. I just stood there. I’ll never forgive myself for that, no matter what Mirabel says. Why am I so pathetic? Is this why this is happening now; because I’m a terrible sister? It’s all tied to the family, but I just can’t seem to do the right thing for the family. If I work hard, it’s too hard and they tell me to stop. If I take a break, I’m letting the family and the town down. I can see it in their faces. I cannot tell anyone else about this. If Dolores tells someone...and she’s bound to; this affects everyone. Well, I couldn't take the shame. The thought of telling Abuela. It doesn’t bear thinking about. I know she’s changed but I feel like it’s fragile, especially with me. She’s always loved me a little less than the others. And that’s okay. I understand. She already had her perfect granddaughter and a reserve by the time I came along. At least if I’d been a boy, I’d have been the first grandson, like Camilo was. I was surplus to her requirements and had no way of charming her. I had to be useful for something else because there’s not even much chance of children from me. I have to help the miracle in other ways. So I can only make the family proud by never saying 'no'. Never stopping. And my gift’s so unglamourous. Dirty, grunt work. Mindless. No brain required. I found that out when I lost it last time. I can build things but I never had to do it properly before. Never even knew how to lift things safely like ordinary people do or use tools. I hadn’t needed to know. And when the magic came back, everyone else’s gifts were different. The gifts were for them . But my gift is only one thing and only ever will be. And the problem was not my gift itself but the way it was being used. And now I know I’m too weak to defend myself and set boundaries. I'm still too weak to stop it being abused. Maybe it’s gone because I just wore it out. But without my gift, there’s nothing there. I know I throw myself into work to distract from my negative thoughts and feelings. Keep moving so no-one can notice that I’m not really anything. Be a blur so they can’t see the loneliness. The worry that I’m not good enough. Not doing enough. I’m just a vessel for my gift. The knowledge that no-one actually knows or likes me . Loves me. Of course, my family do but it's not the same as the way they love each other. I’m peripheral. I know. It’s fine. It’s the best I could hope for. As long as I have my gift. But I don’t have it . I used to be useful as a bridge between my sisters. It used to be that my relationship with them was just mediating between them, stopping them from going for each other’s throats. And they needed me. They used to come to me. And I was good at helping them. Now they get on fine, so I don’t even have that purpose.
I’d rather everyone thought I’d run away than know that I had lost my gift again. Tio Bruno disappeared. Maybe I could hide in Casita’s walls. It couldn’t be any lonelier than I feel now. I’m not crazy about rats though. And maybe they'd snitch to Antonio. And I’m probably too big. Gabi said she’d help but what if someone wants a building moved? We’re not going to be able to do it. What must she think of me? I’ve barely spoken to her in years and now I’m asking so much of her, crying all over her. In fact, the only time I’ve really had a conversation with her in the last – wow, nearly ten years – were the times I had shoes made. She’s been to Casita many times, but I never had time to talk. I was only able to smile and wave at her in passing. I was always so busy. Even at my own quinceañera . We used to be so close. I don’t deserve her help or kindness. I was acting like I was so special because of my gift and now look at me...crying yet again. Needing help, when I’m the one who should be helping people. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so tragic. I guess I’ve just got to give it a try with Gabi’s help tomorrow. It’s better than doing nothing.
Eventually, my mind is exhausted and I begin to feel calmer. Well, less manic. I turn my head and see that there are some books on Gabi’s bedside table, along with a jug full of big purply/blue flowers. There’s also a single lemon – I have no idea why. Her bed seems so small, and I’m worried I’ll break it, especially if I move around too much. It’s comfortable though.
After about 30 minutes, Gabi comes back and kneels beside the bed.
“How are you feeling?”, she asks softly.
“Better, thanks”.
She smiles widely. “That’s good to hear”.
“Can I ask why you have a lemon on your bedside table?”
She laughs, grabs it, and takes a long sniff. “We’ve got a lemon tree now. Your sister's doing. Those flowers too. I just love them. I was picking some lemons yesterday and they just smell so gorgeous. Better than usual. Don’t you think?”
She thrusts it towards me, and I inhale. It does smell really good.
“I guess I just couldn’t stop smelling it and was carrying it around with me and it ended up in here. I made some crema de limon. Do you like crema de limon?”
I nod. She immediately leaves the room and comes back with a clay jar and two spoons.
“There's not much left of this jar but we can finish it off”.
She digs one of the spoons into the jar and then holds the spoonful out to me. I open my mouth and she feeds me the lemon curd, which is sweet and tart and actually delicious. She signals to Azulo to get off the bed and motions for me to make some room, so I sit up and scooch back towards the headboard, crossing my legs so there’s room for her. She kicks off her boots and sits facing me, her legs also crossed. I see that what I’d assumed was an ankle length skirt with a deep pleat in the front and back is actually pants. Culottes or whatever they're called. Her knees are pressed against my shins. She hands me the spoon and takes the other and we both take turns taking spoonfuls until we finish what's left of it. She makes a face when the sourness hits, which makes me laugh and then I involuntarily do the same, which makes her laugh. Eventually, we start making more exaggerated, silly faces each time. When it's all gone, she sucks her spoon clean and puts it in the jar, then takes mine and sucks it clean too and puts the jar on the bedside table.
“So, tell me where and what time to meet you tomorrow morning. You can bring lunch”, she says.
We agree on a point halfway between our houses at 8am. I’m terrified but don’t feel anywhere near as bad as before.