Archive of Our Own ^beta

How do you know you are dating someone? Do you need to agree to name your relationship or do you just decide it without needing to talk about it? Dazai would prefer the latter, but he's always heard of how important communication is between partners. They are partners, them and Chuuya, so they should have good communication- and they do, of course, but not vocally. Is that why Dazai keeps thinking about this?

Dazai felt stupid. After all, the two have been partners since they were fifteen and sure there were four years with little to no contact, and Dazai did have a new partner in the agency, but they have still been partners throughout it all. Soukoku didn't need words because they could understand each other by reading each other; their expressions, body language and simple bits of information. Hell, they even made their own version of morse code so they could communicate without any enemies understanding.

Despite that, Dazai could not get his mind to shut up. He looked at everything and analysed it all, trying to understand what the two had going on, but his mind didn't shut up.

Dazai was desperate for an answer. To make his mind shut up, to comfort their own heart or to prove that they are human, it didn't matter anymore. He doubted that whatever he felt for Chuuya would be enough to be considered human, anyway.

The two were always together when they could be, they used to be attached at the hips when they were younger. They kissed and slept in the same bed, but they never had sex. Did Chuuya think he was disgusting? They knew everything, or at least more than most, about each other. Dazai thought about Chuuya a lot, sometimes as a distraction for themselves from the rest of their mind.

Didn't you need to love someone to date them? Or be in any type of relationship with them?

Dazai has never felt love. He never felt lust either. The closest to either of those Dazai has ever felt was infatuation and obsession. If those were the closest Dazai felt to love, then they were definitely in love with Chuuya. Yet, isn't love a pure innocent thing? Love is where you want to be with someone all the time, and be as close to them as possible. Yes, Dazai wanted all those things, but nobody who felt such innocent and naive love would ever think about wanting to cut down someone's chest and break their ribs open and hug that person's insides in a tight hug, then wanting to curl up in that tight space, just so you could be the closest thing to their heart. No, people in love didn't think that way.

Nor did they want someone all for themselves, willing to get rid of everyone else so that the only person their lover had was themselves.

Dazai worried about this, but now, standing covered in blood, watching Chuuya, his obsession look back at him with such obvious possession and the same look that Dazai had when looking at him, Dazai knew he didn't need to worry. 

Because, if Dazai was willing to go on their knees and worship Chuuya, Chuuya was just as willing to destroy the world for Dazai.