Chapter Text
“T-Tommy! Stop driving over potholes!” Tubbo begged, he didn’t know if Tommy enjoyed their pain or if he was simply oblivious of how bad his driving was.
Tommy simply adjusted his overhead mirror and grinned before shouting, “Pothole comin’ up!” And giggled as he took another swig of the whiskey he stole.
“I don’t feel safe! Hey- ARE YOU ACTIVELY DRINKING WHILST DRIVING!?” Ranboo screamed as he reached forward to snatch the bottle out of the younger’s hand.
The bottle somehow ended up in Purpled’s hands as he downed the last of the bottle’s contents.
“Y’all are real bitches, we’re here by the way. C’mon in, Phil ain’t home.” Tommy slurred as he parked in the driveway and shifted through his key ring for his house key. If he didn’t have it, he’d just beg Tubbo to give him Puffy’s key.
“Uh… shit.” Tommy hissed. Now seemed to be a time where he didn’t have it.
“Ey, Tubs? Can you pass me your keys so we can get in?” Tommy asked. ignoring Drista’s confused look.
“Yeah, sure. Only because I’m 99% sure I’m going to throw up any second now.” Tubbo joked as he shifted through his key ring until he found one with a little sheep molded into it, passing it to Tommy.
With a nod, Tommy snatched the keys and pushed open the door to Puffy’s house. He was met with the woman desperately trying to tune her new guitar, eyebrows sewn together and tongue stuck over her upper lip in concentration. It seems as if she hadn’t noticed them yet so Tommy decided to take it upon himself to alert her of their presence.
“Hey ma.” Puffy’s head snapped up and her neck jerked at the scent that overwhelmed her senses.
“Now tell me, and ya better have a good reason! On why you lot smell of weed n’ booze? Don’t even tell me ya snuck out again, Boo. You know how your old lady feels about you ending up in her house when your sorry tail is meant to be home! Puts pressure on me y’know? Anyways, Tommy come help me with this. It’s stressin’ me the hell out!” Puffy rambled. Guess that’s what she, Dream, Foolish, and Tubbo had in common.
“Erm.. Niki said it was okay!” Ranboo retorted, immediately defensive.
“Whatever, ol’ girl finally found the courage to ask me out! I’ve been waiting for this for the longest.” Puffy changed the subject, not having planned to argue with a zooted teenager today.
“Really? I almost thought Niks would neva’ grow a pair, or- err- whatever, you get it!” Tommy fumbled over his words, and if Puffy didn’t know better she’d assumed it was the alcohol.
“Mhm, real proud’a her. Said we was goin’ to the movies and she agreed, so if you forget your keys this time, you won’t be gettin home, Tommy!” Puffy scolded as she pointed a reprimanding finger towards Tommy. She led the kids to the doorway that connected the two houses and threw open the door as if she was a bouncer of a fancy party inviting them in.
“Well, was nice seeing you lot, but your old lady's gotta get goin’. Phil called me ‘bout something. Seemed important.” She shouted as she slammed the door. Damnit, Tommy was just about to ask her if she had a spare lighter.
Drista was the first to speak up and voice her concerns, “So, who was gonna tell me Tom’s house was connected to Tubbo’s? That’s, like, mega cool! You guys get to see each other all the time!” She shouted.
“It’s real fun until you hear Tub’s brother getting knocked up. I was entirely too sober to have heard that.” Tommy admitted with pink dusted cheeks.
“Whatever.” Tubbo whispered as he whipped his head towards the cabinet the five knew as ‘The Boozenet.’ “Who’s ready to steal from Tommy’s dad!” Tubbo shouted as he threw up a half empty can of beer, accidentally spilling some in the process. Tommy cringed at Phil being referred to as his dad.
“ME!” Ranboo screeched as he pushed past the others and raided the cabinets. He eventually found the one he was looking for, Golden Apple. Popping the cap, he immediately started guzzling it down, ignoring the droplets dripping from the side of his mouth.
“CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!” Tubbo was shouting until Purpled got tired of the repetitiveness and slammed the can of beer Tubbo was sipping into his face, earning an offended squawk- no, gargle from the smaller boy.
“…get me a bin, now.” Tubbo whimpered as he spilled his guts onto the floor in front of him. ‘At least it wasn’t the rug?’ Tommy thought.
“WHOEVER FALLS ASLEEP LAST HAS TO CLEAN IT!” Tommy shouted as he dove for the couch. Now one thing about Tommy is that he can go to sleep anytime, any place, anywhere. If given the chance to sleep he’s already out. Not sleeping for weeks on end waiting for a phone call—that never comes—does to you. Purpled was already asleep, curled up on the loveseat and cuddled up in various blankets. Blunt hung loosely between his fingers, luckily nothing was damaged. Unluckily, it was only half finished and was basically wasted. Now it was between Drista, Tubbo, and Ranboo.
“NO FAIR!” Ranboo and Drista screamed in sync, running towards the couch before they stopped with a screech and looked in one another’s eyes dumbfounded for a second.
“JINX, KNOCK ON WOOD YA CAN’T TALK TIL YO NAME’S SAID, BITCH!” Drista screeched as she dropped on all floors to knock on the hard-wood floor.
“Ungh.. is anybody gunna help me? Ran..boo?” Tubbo slurred before he dropped to the ground, barely avoiding his head.
“Fuck. Well that means it’s between you and me Drista, and I have an idea..” Ranboo murmured before promptly lying onto the floor and quickly succumbing to the coldness of it.
“SHIT!” Drista whined as she drooped from her crouching position and landed weirdly sprawled across the floor until she finally fell asleep.