Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Yellow black yellow black yellow black ooh, black and yellow, yeah let’s switch it up a little!” Barry B. Benson said to no one in particular. He combed through his closet in search of the perfect outfit for his date. 

Ever since he and that bitch Vanessa had split up, Barry had had trouble finding any purpose in life--not that he regretted breaking up with her in the first place. That whore had cheated on him with Kenneth, that bastard. It wasn’t Barry’s fault his fuzzy bee cock was no match for the “clearly superior human dick,” as Vanessa had stated. 

This break-up had led him to search through various dating apps in hopes of finding his other half, and he allowed himself to think that maybe he had with this new date. He was a wonderful man, as evidenced by their many chat logs, and he was meeting up with Barry tonight for the first time.

Finally feeling he was ready, Barry flew out the window of his 14-story mansion on his private island in the Pacific (bought using the money he won by suing the human race) and started to head into town. He turned a left and found the restaurant he was looking for: a bar/burger joint by the name of Grillby’s. 

He stopped to buy himself a hamburger from the bartender, then picked a stool and waited, albeit impatiently, for his date to arrive.

The chime of the bell on the door rang and Barry looked anxiously at the newcomer.

It was the most beautiful man he had ever seen in his life. 

His eyes were haunted wells, an insatiable wit staring back at him from within the murky depths, and framed by a silky smooth frame of collagen. His impeccable fashion sense almost made Barry feel underdressed, and his gleaming smile made his head feel woozy.

To his utmost surprise, the stranger came straight over to him and slid into the next seat over. 

“You’re--you’re Mr. Undertale?” Barry remarked incredulously.

*in the very flesh, the stranger smiled. *and please, it’s sans. mr. undertale was my father.

“Of course, Sans,” Barry breathed. How was he ever to compose himself around this beautiful man?

Unaware of his predicament, Sans motioned for Grillby. *ill get a ketchup with extra hamburger, hold the hamburger. 

Barry slapped his fuzzy bee hands onto his fuzzy bee cheeks. He had to get ahold of himself! He was Barry B. Benson, for fuck’s sake! Richest bee in the world!

*this date is going really well, Sans said. 

“I think so too,” Barry responded. “What do you say we go back to my 14 story mansion on my private island in the Pacific (bought using the money I won by suing the human race)?”

Barry picked up Sans with superhuman (superbee?) strength and flew him back to his 14 story mansion on his private island in the Pacific (bought using the money he won by suing the human race). Back in his house, he pushed Sans up against the wall and macked on him with his fuzzy bee mouth. 

*what do you say we take this into… bed, Sans said.

Barry sighed and pulled away from Sans. “Actually Sans, I have something I must reveal to you.” He breathed deeply and cried fuzzy bee tears. “Since I am but a humble little bee, my cock is… extremely small.”

*that doesn’t bother me, Sans said after no moment’s deliberation. *the smaller the cock, the better. think of it like hot dogs.

Barry wept with joy and stripped off his sweater to reveal his fuzzy bee cock. He shoved his stiff cock into Sans’s ass.

*oh barry, Sans moaned. 

“Oh Sans,” Barry moaned through a mouthful of bee cum, which he would then sell back to the human race for more profit. 

They laid in bed, having had their fill of bee cum for the night. 

“I… I love you Sans,” said Barry.

*i love you barry, said Sans.

Chapter Text

Sans and Barry lay on their bed in Barry’s expensive mansion, enjoying time together after their first fateful meetup. Barry lay on his pillow, smoking a blade of grass down to the stem. 

*was that good for you? Sans said.

“That was great,” Barry answered.

*well, i gotta get back home to my brother. but it was real nice meeting you, barry. we should have another date soon. 

“I’d like that,” Barry said.

He bid Sans a tearful goodbye and slowly closed the door to his mansion, heaving a heavy sigh as he leaned back against the wall. That was the best day Barry had ever known in his tiny bee life, and he lamented its ending. Already, he missed Sans’s cheeky smile, his wonderful laugh, and all the good times they had shared together. He flew back to the now-empty bed, noticing that it felt twice as empty as before. He shut his eyes tight and cried himself to sleep, waiting anxiously for daybreak.

Barry awoke from his restless slumber when he heard a timid knock on the door. Rousing himself tiredly from his comfortable four-poster king-sized bed, he exited his 20 square foot room and climbed down the 5 flights of stairs to get to the spacious greeting hall (complete with lined red carpet) and opened the 20 foot tall double rosewood doors.

“How may I help you?” he yawned, looking down on his private island, complete with a cabana and a private dock for his private yacht and cruise ship (which he often threw extravagant parties on). His private car lot was near that, packed with Ferraris and Lamborghinis that he sometimes rented out to commoners for a test drive, just to be nice (it came with a hefty price, however). The ocean was blue and completely free of any plastic and/or natural wildlife (he knew to push those things onto the commoners to fix), and the sun rose gorgeously over the horizon, as if only for him. It was actually only for him: he had bought the sun and thus made it illegal for all peasants to look at it. He had executed many children who thought it funny to defy him.

*im so sorry barry, said the person at the door. Barry looked down and saw that it was Sans! His heart lightened immediately upon hearing the voice that so obviously belonged to his one and only soulmate. His eyes began to water, streaking down his fuzzy cheeks as he sobbed into his hands. 

“Sans,” he gasped wetly. “I missed you so much. It’s been so long, where have you been?”

Thick hot tears poured from Sans’s dark wells. *im so sorry barry, he said again.

“But why, honey?” Barry said comfortingly, using his tiny bee hands to stroke Sans’s face. “What’s wrong? What can I do for you?”

*i forgot that i don’t have a brother, Sans said. *he was killed by that fucking human back in the underground. i was the only one who escaped. everyone else-- they all--

“Oh Sans,” Barry cried, hot tears running down and streaking his fuzzy cheeks, “I’m so sorry. Those damn humans ruin everything, I know. Come inside, I’ll make you some tea.”

Sans stepped inside and they steadily made their way to the nearest kitchen. Sans refused the tea and opted to drink the ketchup bottles instead, and Barry watched him silently and fondly.

You’re so hot, he thought to himself. Sans paused to give him a wry smile before continuing to empty Barry’s ketchup stash. “Shit, I’m so sorry, did I say that out loud?”

*nothing i didn’t already know, Sans replied, finishing off the bottles and sticking them back into the refrigerator. 

“Do you have anything you need to move into here?” Barry asked. 

*eh, nothing that i really need, said Sans. *unless you’ve misplaced your love for me.

“Oh Sans,” Barry said, “I would never lose my love for you. I will keep it close to my heart, always.”

Sans got a sly glint in his black holes and hauled Barry up onto the kitchen table, kissing him passionately and never stopping, as he never needed to breathe. Barry wrapped his legs as far as they could go around Sans’s body, loving every second of it. 

“My room is only four stories up,” Barry breathed.

*do you have a couch, asked Sans.

“Right around the corner,” Barry answered, hoisting himself off the counter and leading Sans around. They disappeared around the corner and into the living room.

That night, Barry knew he had made the right choice in living on a 14 million dollar private island.

Chapter Text

Barry was woken from his restful sleep the next day by a loud knock on the door. Untangling his arm from where it was draped over Sans’s shoulder, he groaned and hauled himself over to the front door, which he opened slowly. “How can I help you?”

“I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. Stop being a whore or I’ll break your fucking knees.”

“Come again?” said Barry, rubbing at his eyes.

*who’s at the door, honey, called Sans from the other room.

“No one, just a solicitor,” shouted back Barry. “Look,” he said, turning back to the Lorax, “we don’t want whatever you’re selling. I don’t know how you got here, in fact the helicopters and the turrets should have shot you on sight, and the barbed wire should have prevented you from even making it to them, but I’d like to ask you to leave the premises. If you do not go willingly, I will have to instruct my trained pilots to drop my personal atom bomb on you, and I really don’t want to waste one of my precious collection on something so insignificant.”

“Do you not remember your life in the trees?” the Lorax answered, a sad look on his moustache. “Your life as a wonderful, beautiful bee? The human world has corrupted you beyond repair. To fix that, you must go back.”

“Where?” asked Barry.

“To the place you were born, the land of your kin. You must find the family you left behind therein.”

Barry paused for a second and considered the Lorax’s words. Finally, he stepped away from the door and called back to Sans. “Babe? I’m going out for a morning walk, alright?”

*sure, Sans called back.

With his excuse secured, Barry stepped out of the double doors and began hiking down the long trail down the mountain his mansion rested on. The machine guns zoned in on the Lorax automatically, but with a wave of his tiny hand Barry called them off and waved his guest on before him. 

“Why have you come today? Why not ask me this earlier, when I first sued the human race? I might have been inclined to go with you, but now…” He looked back towards the house, where the love of his life was sleeping on the couch, peacefully. “Everything I love is here. I love him too much to give him up and go back so easily.”

“You are a traitor to all of beekind,” the Lorax said. “You have abandoned your family, left everything behind. In order to fix this, you must relinquish control. Go back to your roots, offer up your soul.”

“My what?” Barry asked. “I can offer up my dick, is that a good enough substitute?”

The Lorax pondered this as the two reached Barry’s beachside cabana. Barry motioned to his private bartender, who quickly started mixing up to vodka-heavy cocktails. Once handed his, he sipped on it, admiring the sunrise over the horizon, while pushing the other over to his partner.

“I suppose that would be alright to do,” the Lorax said.

“Who do I offer it up to?”

“I believe you know who.”

Barry hesitated for a moment. Admittedly, he had to say that the Lorax was smoking hot. That gorgeous, shiny yellow moustache, framing two beady blue orbs. That small, orange-furred body--god, orange and yellow complemented each other so well, Barry thought. His hips curved all the way down to frame his plumpy ass cheeks, which stood out protuberantly against the small stool he was currently seated on. Try as hard as he might, Barry could not help but be filled with lust. He wanted the Lorax, and he wanted him now. 

“I think I do too,” he said. “...I think I want you.”

The Lorax smiled cheekily at him, gesturing him over to the large hammock that swung between two of the wood supports that held the cabana up. Smiling fondly and crossing over, pushing the Lorax into the hammock and kissing him and his gorgeous moustache passionately, his mind couldn’t help but wander to his estate on the hill, in which still slept who he knew was the love of his life. He had to wonder--was this wrong? Was he making a horrible mistake?

He shook his head and returned his thoughts to the present. It was ok, he thought. Sans would understand.

Sans always understood. 

Chapter Text

Barry lay on the hammock next to the Lorax, cuddling with his new lover, watching the sun set over the horizon. The Lorax napped peacefully, breathing lightly and slowly, and Barry smiled fondly at the sight.

He looked back at the mansion on the top of the tall hill. Sans hadn’t come looking for him, and if he had, he had no idea where Barry was. Despite himself, he couldn’t help but feel a little put down by that. Not that he wanted Sans to catch him and the Lorax in the midst of their passionate tryst, but he missed him anyways. 

Maybe Sans didn’t actually love him like he thought he did.

Barry sighed and untangled himself from his lover, being careful not to disturb his peaceful sleep on the hammock. It was time to face the music and dance.

He started the long and arduous trek up the hill, taking the time to reflect on his situation. He couldn’t help but see that both of them loved him equally, unless Sans didn’t love him at all. It was difficult to choose, as he couldn’t see who would benefit him most. The wonderful, tender skeleton Sans? Or the eco-friendly, passionate Lorax?

Finally reaching the house, he found he had already made his decision. It came naturally to him, easily, as if it was instinct. He took a deep breath, feeling the cool evening air make its way through his spiracles and up into his air sacs, and pushed the door open.

“Sans?” he called to the empty entrance hall. “We need to talk.”

*of course, what’s up honey? answered Sans, peeking his head around the corner.

“We need to break up.”

*...what? Sans gasped. *what… what happened, barry? why are you jumping to such an extreme reaction?

“I… met someone new,” Barry responded. “Someone better. Someone who cares about the environment more. And don’t get me wrong, I love you very much but… I can’t do this anymore. I’m so, so sorry.”

*...no… no!! Sans shouted. *but barry, i love you! we’re in love, we love each other dearly!! who could you have met who made you feel this way?

Barry sighed. “His name is… the Lorax,” he said tearfully. “And he is perfect, in every way. He even has flesh, and a gorgeous moustache. How could anyone compete with that?”

*how could anyone indeed, Sans replied coldly. *so what did everything mean to you? what did us mean to you? 

Barry took a deep breath and said what he knew he needed to say. He had known this day would come eventually. He just didn’t expect it to come so soon.

“We meant nothing, Sans. We were just a one-time fling. All of this means nothing at all.”

And without looking back, he flew out of the hallway and slammed the front door shut. He swore he could still hear the sound reverberating as he dashed, sobbing, down the trail and back to his beachside cabana. 

Chapter Text

Barry returned to his cabana, crying softly into his arm. Upon bumping into a short, furry wall, he looked up, to see the man he had left Sans for. The so-proclaimed love of his life. 

“You’re alright, no?” asked the Lorax. “Are you ready to go?”

Barry sighed, wiping his eyes and nodding slowly. “Yeah. I’m ready. As ready as I’ll ever be, at least.”

The Lorax held out his small, orange-furred hand, and Barry slipped his smaller leg into it. Employing his ancient tree majyyks, they warped through space over 2000 miles, finally landing in the midst of New York City’s Central Park. 

Standing in front of Barry was a huge, roped-off tree. A sign next to it stated, “Property of Barry B. Benson, ruler of all and supreme overlord of humanity. None may touch.”

In the middle of the tree was a giant knot. Situated in that knot was an old beehive, once teeming with prosperity and life, now dormant and silent. 

“I’m… home,” Barry breathed. “...Mom! Dad! Adam! I’m finally home again!”

The Lorax watched him zip into the hive, a secretive smirk on his flashy moustache.

Barry zipped and zapped and zig-zagged through the tunnels and passageways of the hive, calling out to his family members. “Mom? Dad? Adam? Anybee there?” 

The hive seemed to be completely empty. 

Everywhere that used to be golden yellow now seemed grayscale. There was no excited chatter of bees going about their jobs, or the congratulating cheer of new graduates from the Bee Academy. The honey had stopped flowing, and was now sitting, rotten, in the pools in the bottom of the hive. The air had a stench of sickly sweetness, which set Barry on edge. 

“Mom? Dad?” he called again, to the empty space. “Anyone?”

Silence.

Barry began to feel anxious. Maybe no one was here at all, or maybe they had all gone out to pollinate. A stretch, but it was feasible. But the queen would always know where they were.

The queen!

The queen would know what happened to everyone! It was so obvious Barry slapped his fuzzy bee hands onto his fuzzy bee cheeks in despair. He flew off through the catacombs immediately, trusting his innate bee sense to guide him.

Arriving at the queen’s quarters, he shouted, “Queen! I need your help, I can’t find my family, everyone is gone--”

But what stood on the throne surprised him.

“Do you know the lifespan of a bee, Barry?” asked the Lorax, picking up one of the unhatched eggs that lay around the throne. “It’s around 30 days to 2 months. Far more time has passed since you’ve been hatched, hasn’t it, Barry?”

“No…” Barry breathed, terrified. 

“Your family is all dead, Barry. They lost their stingers months ago. And those who didn’t died to old age. Not to mention the countless that were killed by humans, those nasty filth.” He shoved the whole egg into his mouth, and Barry saw it pass through his body like a snake eating a chicken egg, falling down and landing with a sickening crack into the curve of the Lorax's ass. Ah. So that's how it was always so goddamn juicy.

“But-- why did you take me here? Why did you take me if you knew they were dead?” Barry screamed, tears scrawling their way down his fuzzy bee cheeks. 

“Because, Barry,” the Lorax smirked, “I have a proposition for you.”

Chapter Text

“I have a proposition for you,” the Lorax said.

Barry froze in midair. “What… do you mean?”

The Lorax began to pace around the queen’s throne, picking up eggs and holding them as they were Yorick’s skull and he was the melodramatic Hamlet, and then devouring them whole. “Have you ever wondered why you connect to the human world so well? Why you have outlived every other bee? Why, no matter if you stung someone twenty times, or were crushed under a boulder, you would never die? Why do you think that is, do you think?”

“I… have raw animal magnetism? Also why are you eating my brethren?” responded Barry.

“Well yes, but actually no,” said the Lorax, choosing to respond to only one of Barry's questions. “You have part human DNA.”

“What the fuck.”

“Let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain, what the fuck.” 

“Let me explain! You may have thought that the first human-bee connection was with Vanessa--”

“That bitch Vanessa,” Barry spat.

“Sure, whatever. But it was not. Your mother used to work as a pollinator and she, too, fell in love with a human.”

“But… that means…” Barry breathed. “My dad… isn’t my dad?”

“Correct. Your mom cheated, and it obviously runs in the family. Not that that’s a bad thing, I mean, it led to our love, which I cherish.”

“Shut the fuck up and get back to the point,” Barry said. “As horny as I always am, right now this is somehow more interesting to me, which is a goddamn feat in itself.”

“Yes, of course, dear. The human DNA in you created an interesting combination--it made you practically invincible. You have the tenacity and strength of a human and the lifespan of one, which for a bee, makes you practically immortal. Barry B. Benson, you are an immortal bee, and the trees have told me through their ancient voices that you are destined to save the Earth and all beekind.”

“What the fuck.”

“It’s entirely true. The trees never lie. And neither do I.”

“So this entire time…” Barry muttered, “you knew? You were using me?”

The Lorax stepped down from the throne and crossed over to him, cradling Barry’s fuzzy bee head in between his fuzzy woodland creature hands. “Not quite,” he whispered. “This? This love that we feel? This is real. We are real, Barry. Think about it: together we could achieve so much! You, the last of the bees, and me, the guardian of the trees. We’re a power couple! We could gaslight gatekeep girlboss all of humanity!”

Barry looked away and wriggled his way out of the Lorax’s hands. “I trusted you. I thought you loved me for me. But you just wanted to further your goal. I can’t stand for that.” He started to cry, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I can’t teabag on humanity with you. I’m sorry.”

The Lorax’s face darkened, but he sighed and looked up at Barry with sad eyes. “What will you do now?”

“The only thing I can,” said Barry. “Beg the love of my life to take me back.”

Chapter Text

“Bring me back,” he said to the Lorax. “Bring me back now.”

“Are you sure about this?” the Lorax asked. “There’s no guarantee he will take you back.”

“I know, but I have to try. I’m going to try, and try, and try, because I know, more than anything, that I want him back. If he says no, then I’ll just try again until he says yes.”

“Yo that’s creepy as fuck, don’t do that,” said the Lorax. “That’s considered harassment.”

“Yeah and her ass meant everything to me,” Barry B. Benson astutely stated.

“No seriously don’t fucking do that,” said the Lorax. “Not cool man. Sexual harassment is no good.”

“Shit this may be a fandom crossover but I don’t remember fucking Sonic in this story,” said Barry. “Maybe in my next shitpost story, “So Long, Gay Bowser,” a saga about Mario and Y/N falling in love, Sonic will appear.”

The Lorax snapped his fingers and Barry stood in front of his mansion on his private island in the Pacific.

Barry took a deep breath, deciding if he should open the huge double doors or if he should just turn around and run, but he remembered that he had nowhere to run, as Sans was currently occupying his home. 

He sighed and pushed open the double doors.

The hallway was empty.

He heaved a great sigh. Maybe he wouldn’t have to confront Sans today. Maybe he would go to his room, have a nice rest, and start fresh tomorrow.

*barry? called Sans, peeking his head around the corner.

Or not. Fuck. 

“Sans,” he replied, sighing. “…Hey.”

*hey, Sans replied. *… how was your trip?

“Fine,” Barry said. “How was… everything?”

*it was alright, Sans said. *totally fine. everything’s fine. 

“Good, good,” Barry said. “Well, I’m just gonna head upstairs—“

*oh no you don’t, Sans replied, pulling Barry back by his collar as he tried to escape. *we have some things to chat about. 

“Fuck me,” Barry said. 

*in a second. do you have anything to say to me?

“Hnnnnnnnnnng,” said Barry. “I don’t wanna.”

*barry…… what do we say when we want to apologize?

Barry frowned. “Not gonna.”

*barry, apologize or I won’t give you head ever again.

Barry sighed, lowering his head. “I’m sowwy, daddy owo.”

*good boy, Sans said. *now how about you and me get some quality time together?

“I would like nothing more, daddy,” Barry replied. 

Chapter Text

Barry lazily rubbed his eyes as he woke up, an arm wrapped around his middle. Ah, this was the life. No worrying about what to do that day, or the fact that he was the last of the immortal bees and the savior of all treekind. None of that pesky Lorax.

He had Sans, and that was enough. 

Speaking of Sans, the other skeleton shifted from on top of him, seemingly waking up. His pitch black holes cracked open slowly, fixing on Barry with a small smile.

“Good morning, honey,” Barry murmured. “How did you sleep?”

*perfectly, now that you’re back home, said Sans. *i missed you, barry.

“I missed you so much, Sans,” said Barry.

He wrapped his tiny bee arms around his forever lover, squeezing as tight as his bee strength would allow him. He was so, so lucky that Sans had taken him back. And he never, ever wanted to leave him again.

*i have to leave, said Sans.

“Fuck,” said Barry. “No you don’t. You have an appointment in my bedroom right now.”

*very funny barry, but we had an appointment in your bedroom last night, said Sans. *besides, i have to get back to selling hotdogs. whos gonna provide the people with the ‘dogs if i dont?

“Sigh,” said Barry. “I suppose that is a worthy cause. Very well, but I will miss you dearly while you are out.”

*i wouldnt expect anything less, said Sans, winking at Barry and blowing him a couple hundred kisses before making his way out the door and down the four flights of stairs to the front door.

God, Barry loved him.

He lay himself back down on the pillow, taking in the quietness of that morning. Everything was perfect. He had Sans back, he found out he was immortal (which didn’t excite him as much as it should have), and he was back in comfort in his 14 million dollar mansion on his private island in the Pacific instead of that dingy hive. Life was wonderful.

He wondered how Sans was doing selling his hotdogs, despite knowing that he had left just a couple seconds before. He wondered if Sans was famous in that area, or if he had trouble selling. If he did, Barry would buy out all his stock. He hoped Sans did well in business. He wondered idly how he had left the island in the first place.

God, Sans was so much more productive than he. Barry had his money from the compensation he got from the humans (and was entitled to a large portion of all taxes paid from then forward) but other than once being a busy worker bee, he had never held a stable job. He lounged around his mansion, never fraternizing with those lower than him, enjoying his what he knew now to be immortal life on his beach on the island. 

Despite these thoughts running through his head, he didn’t feel any the worse for them. He was king of the bees, and he deserved this life of rest and relaxation. He was above the rabble and peasants, and he had earned his spot as number 1 billionaire and richest bee in the world. 

Neither did he think of Sans as a peasant. Why, if Sans was a peasant, then all the other humans around him were dust on the earth for them both to walk on. Sans was royalty. Sans was the king to his king. Meaning that they were gay royalty.

Barry had no doubt that Sans was only doing this as a service to the other ruffians in the city. Obviously, if he wanted to, he could leave all of them and live with Barry forever, eternal lovers, immortal rulers.

Just as he was starting to sink back into the pillow under the weight of that wonderful dream, his phone rang, on its face a number he was not familiar with. Confused, Barry picked it up and answered it. “Hello? Who dares to speak to Barry B. Benson, owner of humanity?”

“Is this Mr. Barry B. Benson?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“It’s about Mr. Sans Undertale. He was just hit by a driverless semi-truck with a license plate saying 'TRUCK-KUN'.”

And with that, the world shattered beneath Barry’s fuzzy bee feet. 

Chapter Text

“What… what do you mean?” Barry breathed into the phone, feeling like he had just fallen down a thousand steps.

“Mr. Sans Undertale is currently unconscious. He was hit by a driverless semitruck while selling hotdogs. We would like you to come in so we can inform you of his condition.”

“No… no no no no no! This can’t be happening! This cannot be happening to me, do you hear me! You need to fix this! Fix it right now! As your lord and savior I order you!”

There was no response. Barry looked at his phone and saw that the operator had hung up.

“God dammit,” he said to no one, hurriedly getting up from the bed and flying down the stairs to the front door. Pulling up directions on his tiny fuzzy bee phone, he followed the GPS and crossed the ocean all the way to the nearest hospital.

He threw open the doors dramatically, calling out in his boomiest bee voice, “Where is he? Where is my eternal lover, the love of my life, the only one for me, Sans Undertale?”

“Uh,” said the hospital staff. “Floor 4, room 20?”

“Fuck you,” said Barry in place of a thanks, flying quickly up the steps and arriving at the door of the room. 

He threw open the doors dramatically, again, calling out in his quietest bee voice, “Sans? Are you there?”

*im over here, my love, was the response from the bed in the corner. 

Barry quickly flew to his lover’s side, cradling his bony skeleton hand from where it lay on the mattress. “What happened, my love? Is everything alright? Are you hurt at all?”

*barry… something horrible has happened, Sans whispered.

“What’s wrong? Can I help? Can I sue the bitch truck that ran you over?”

*no barry, shut the fuck up im trying to have a dramatic monologue here, said Sans. *i… i broke all my bones.

Barry looked up to see that it was true. Fracture lines ran all through Sans’s body. Some parts were almost falling apart, a layer of bone dust covering the sheets as he started to disintegrate. “Oh my god,” said Barry, “how the fuck does that happen. Like, physically. That shouldn’t be possible.”

*im dying, barry, said Sans. *i need you to listen to me carefully, because i need to make one last wish.

“Anything for you, my love,” said Barry, crying profusely. “I promise.” 

*destroy the humans… Sans said. *sue them for every last penny of their worth. make them pay. make them get dunked on. i don’t care. 

“I will, my love,” Barry said. “I will.”

*I love you, barry, said Sans. *more than you know. 

Beside Barry, the heart monitor ceased to beat. In front of Barry, his beloved Sans turned to dust. 

Chapter Text

Barry stared at the pile of dust before him in disbelief.

This was it. His eternal lover, gone right before his eyes. And he didn’t even have a chance to ask Sans to--

Oh. 

He was in love with Sans.

He had said it so many times, but had never bothered to stop and really think about what he was saying. He was in love with Sans. He wanted him by his side, forever.

He wanted to ask Sans to marry him.

Holy shit, he thought to himself. Sans was his one true love. His soulmate. His whatever the fuck. 

Realizing all this at once, and immediately after his love had died, Barry collapsed onto the hospital bed, sobbing his tiny bee heart out. He ran his fingers through the piles of dust on the sheets, whispering Sans’s name and hoping against all hope that he would come back. But he knew it was futile. Sans was gone. He was never going to return.

Barry sat there for a while, laying his head in the piles of dust and sobbing his heart out. He ignored all futile pleas of hospital nurses and staff for him to abandon his post, but it was all for naught. He could never abandon Sans. He could never abandon his true love.

“Why do you cry so, my child?” called a voice from above.

Barry picked his head up from where it lay and looked up above him to see--nothing.

“God?” he asked.

“From now on, brothers and sisters, if anything is excellent and if anything is admirable, focus your thoughts on these things: all that is true, all that is holy, all that is just, all that is pure, all that is lovely, and all that is worthy of praise (Phillippians 4:8),” God said.

“What the fuck?” Barry replied.

“Be not afraid, my child,” said God. “For I am the way, and the truth, and the life.”

“Yeah okay that’s cool and all, but can you bring back my dead gay skeleton lover?”

“No,” said God.

“Oh,” said Barry.

“Just kidding,” said God. “I can totally bring Sans back. I just have to sacrifice myself in order to do it.”

“What the fuck are you waiting for?” Barry shouted. “Do it already! Bring him back!”

“I mean I’m a little nervous,” God said, making the uwu finger gesture. “After this me and Sans will be merged together, and there won’t be a God anymore. Who are the people gonna worship?”

“They can just worship Sans like the rest of us normal bitches,” said Barry, tugging on God’s ethereal stardust pant leg. “Now do it already!”

God sighed and turned into a cloud of dust, swirling and mixing with the ashes on the bed. Slowly but surely, the body of Sans Undertale began to reconstruct itself. 

The new Sans opened up his eyes.

“Honey?” asked Barry tentatively. “Are you there?”

Sans turned his head to look at Barry and gave him a wide smile. *it’s me, barry, he said. *im here.

Barry sobbed and took his lover into his arms, crying out that he would never abandon him again. The hospital staff looked on in love and happiness, overjoyed that the world’s number one couple was back together.

Outside, people mourned the loss of God and celebrated the arrival of Sans, the Eternal Savior.

Chapter Text

“Good morning, baby,” said Barry, turning over from where he was beside Sans on the bed. 

*good morning, my way, my truth, and my life, said Sans, sitting up and yawning.

Three hours had passed since Sans’s discharge from the hospital (cause of discharge: becoming God). Sans and Barry had comfortably returned to their routine of sleeping, making out, and tormenting all those poor human peons who dared to be poorer than they. 

It was so lovely to have his lover back, Barry thought. Especially when he was about to lose him forever.

He sent a silent thank you to God. Oh wait.

“Thank you,” he said to Sans. 

His lover’s eyes glowed white with divine power as he channeled the voice of the One Divine Being through him. “No problem, bro,” God said. “Love is love.”

God was such a great ally.

They busied about their day, Sans producing hot dogs to package and sell and Barry lounging at his cabana sipping a pina colada. This was the life, he thought. The perfect lover and the perfect home. 

Their evenings were spent cuddling on the couch, eating the remains of the damned (with honey!) and chatting about life and love. 

Barry kept pace with the conversation, but his mind secretly wandered away from him and to other matters. He knew he wanted to marry Sans, but when? What kind of ring would he get? Could Sans even wear a ring? What kind of wedding would they have?

Who even was Sans’s dad?

Barry put the thought out of his head and focused on other, more pressing matters, like the feeling of Sans underneath him as they made love for the 5th time that night.

As their tryst came to a head, there echoed a loud “ding” throughout the household as Barry’s private speaker system came online.

Barry paused in the middle of fucking his beloved boyfriend and looked around the room confusedly. “What the fuck? I did not ask for background ambiance in the middle of this love-making session! Alexa, shut the fuck up and lemme get back to the good stuff!”

Alexa did not shut the fuck up. 

“Playing automated message from: Multi-Billionaire Supreme Lord Farquaad.”

“Multi-billion what?” said Barry, finally sitting up and stopping, much to Sans’s non-delight.

The loudspeakers crackled again, and then a loud trumpet fanfare sounded. Sans covered his nonexistent ears with his hands.

“All hail his Lordship Farquaad. Please step aside as his Lordship enters the building, and keep your arms and legs inside at all times.”

The double doors slammed open, creating a resounding boom throughout the house. Barry slid off the couch in shock and turned to see a red carpet being rolled down his hallway, stopping just at the edge of the stairs. 

Lord Farquaad was carried by four strong, buff, manly men (who, Barry thought, he would definitely ask to top him later) into the living room, where he was set down before the completely naked Barry and Sans.

He smirked, twirling a glass of wine in between his two fingers. “I’m buying your house, bitches,” he said. 

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry?” said Barry, blinking at Lord Farquaad. 

“You heard me,” Lord Farquaad said.

“Repeat it. I need to make sure I correctly heard the words coming out of your mouth before I punch you for it.”

Farquaad sighed. “Fine. Let me enunciate for you. I am purchasing this fine mansion from thee, the proprietor of this building, Barry B. Benson, esquire, bitches.”

Barry punched him straight in the mouth.

Before the blow could connect, however, he was stopped by one of the four lackeys, who held a forearm up to block Barry’s fuzzy bee punch. “Cease and desist, mortal. Tremble in the face of his majesty, Lord Farquaad. Do not touch the priceless artifacts that are his marble cheekbones and gentle blue orbs.”

“Jesus Christ, man,” Barry said. 

*dont take my name in vain, whispered Sans.

“Sorry, God,” said Barry, hanging his head like an embarrassed child.

“Now, if you’ll just sign your name on these papers,” Lord Farquaad said, producing a large stack of papers from his dumpy little ass, “and we can rightfully return this private island to its owner, yes?”

“Wait wait wait, now hold on just a fucking second,” said Barry. “Who said I was giving you any money?”

“Hm? Oh, the government,” said Lord Farquaad. “I paid off all the officials you bribed in the United States government. Turns out that one trillion dollars will convince people to do things for you more than one billion dollars. Oh, and I replaced the president. It’s me now.”

*youre… a trillionaire? whispered Sans.

“Quadrillionaire, actually,” said Farquaad. “I spent mere pennies on bribing those goons to give me the deeds to your mansion. The rest is saved for… more important things.”

*like what?

“No no no no no, back up a bit,” shouted Barry, stepping in between Sans and Lord Farquaad. “You said you’re the president now?”

“Ah, yes,” Lord Farquaad said, snapping his fingers. “I paid your sad excuse for a president as much money as he chose. It was quite easy. And now, I am president of the United States of America.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works,” Barry said. 

“Through me and my money, all things are possible,” Lord Farquaad replied.

*hey, thats one of my lines! Sans cried, beaming as widely as his already-grinning mouth could allow.

“Of course. I am an avid Bible enjoyer.”

*common bible reader W, Sans said.

“Shut the fuck up, both of you!” Barry shouted. “Get the fuck out of my house, Lord Farquaad or whoever you are. No matter what you pay me, you will never get my house, which holds all of the love that my Sans and I have for each other!”

*uh, about that… said Sans, twiddling his fingers. *ive been thinking, and… i think im in love with lord farquaad.

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry?” said Barry for the second chapter in a row. 

*im in love with lord farquaad, Sans said more decisively. 

“No,” Barry breathed. “No no no no no, this can’t be true. Our love was supposed to be eternal! We were supposed to teabag on all of humanity together! Who will I fuck if not you?”

*im sure one of lord farquaads bodyguards would love to do that with you, Sans said coldly. *i saw how you were looking them over.

“Alright, well, yeah, sure, but you’re my one and only! My one true love! We’re supposed to be together forever! What will I do without you?”

*figure it out, Sans said. *i know who i choose.

And without fanfare--no, Barry thought, with fanfare, because as they exited the mansion Lord Farquaad’s trumpet squad played his closing music--they left. And Barry was all alone again. 

“Fuck,” he said.

The expletive echoed throughout the newly empty house.

“Fuck!” cried Barry, fuzzy bee tears dripping onto the red carpet that Farquaad left behind. 

This was it. This was the end for him and Sans. He had been abandoned, left behind, someone else chosen before him. He thought that he would have someone to spend his immortal bee forever with. He was wrong.

He was so very, very wrong. 

Already, he missed the sound of Sans’s rattling bones as he jumped on top of Barry, and the way his collagen frame felt under Barry’s small wandering hands. He missed the way Sans’s perpetual smile would move under Barry’s mouth, and the pleasant laugh that escaped him whenever Barry messed around a little too much.

He wasn’t ready to face the rest of his life without his eternal lover.

And, with any luck, he wouldn’t have to. 

Barry grinned as a sadistic plan ran through his mind. It was absolutely fucking perfect. With this, he would have no problem getting the love of his life back and getting rid of that daddyfucker for once and for all. 

First, he would break into Lord Farquaad’s castle. Now that he was the President of the United States and the castle was the literal fucking White House, that might be a tad more difficult.

Barry didn’t care. The fact that he was a bee would make this easy. He would just zip in through the window.

Unless they were prepared to be on the lookout with bees. Then that would be hard.

Oh! He could fly in from the top! That would make things easy.

They would have helicopters, with automatic rifles. The task was daunting again.

There was no way the helicopters would spot him.

What if they had binoculars?

Barry could just crash the helicopters. Easy.

But what if he didn’t want to injure an innocent person in his quest for love?

Holy fuck, who was this imposter in his head? Barry would absolutely murder an innocent person in exchange for the love of his life back. Who the fuck was feeding him these so out of character thoughts?

It was decided. He had decided. He would break into the White House, kill Lord Farquaad, and rescue the love of his life. 

Barry clenched his fists, flying the length of the long red carpet and out the double rosewood doors, ready to fly the long distance over to Washington DC. 

Chapter Text

This was it. He had found the White House.

Barry dipped his hand in the small paint jar full of black paint he kept for such occasions, and painted his cheeks with the two black stripes under his eyes. “It’s go time,” he said. 

Quickly, he flew out from behind a tree and up to the sky, keeping an eye on the helicopters circling him. Hoping that none of them would spot him, he dodged and weaved between them.

Suddenly, the rat-tat-tat of a machine gun rang out from behind him, and he zipped to the right, narrowly missing the bullets. Glancing behind him, Barry pulled out an atom bomb from his pocket and chucked it at the helicopter, not looking back as he zipped away, the explosions and screams not deterring him from his only purpose.

He flew through room after room, pulling out his blowtorch from his pocket and lighting fire to everything he could see. He knew that the White House was a nigh priceless piece of history, but he figured he’d just replace it after he was done with his huge piles of money.

As long as he could get it back from Lord Farquaad. 

He zipped from room to room, lighting fire to decoration after decoration, and still he could not find the people he was looking for. Starting to get increasingly impatient, he took out his molotov cocktails and threw them everywhere he could. 

Suddenly, a voice rang out to the right of him. “Stop! Please!”

Barry quickly turned to the left, hopeful, then disappointed when he realized it wasn’t either of the faces he was looking for. Instead, there was nothing but a baking tray on a counter, a single cookie lying on it. 

“The fuck?” Barry said, looking at the cookie. 

“Please spare me,” the cookie begged, looking frightenedly at Barry.

“You can talk?” asked Barry, before realizing he was an anthropomorphic talking bee dating a talking skeleton, and that this should not be out of the ordinary.

“Uh huh,” the cookie said, oblivious to Barry’s internal monologue. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m looking for the love of my life,” Barry scowled. 

“In the White House?” the cookie asked incredulously.

“That’s where he’s been kidnapped yeah,” Barry said.

“Ohhhhhhh I get it,” the cookie said. “He’s been kidnapped by Farquaad. Farquaad kidnapped me also, you know.”

“What? Why?” asked Barry.

“Well… Do you know the muffin man?” 

“The muffin man?”

“The muffin man.”

“No I don’t fucking know a muffin man,” Barry scoffed. 

“Well, he lives on Drury Lane,” said the cookie.

“Say, who the fuck even are you anyway? The muffin man?” said Barry. 

“The muffin man?”

“Yes, the muffin man.”

“No I’m not the goddamn muffin man! He lives on Drury Lane,” stressed the cookie. “I’m the gingerbread man.”

“The gingerbread man?” asked Sans.

“We’re not starting this fucking rhyme again,” said the gingerbread man. “Yeah, that’s my name. I’ve been kidnapped and tortured by Lord Farquaad for the past half a year. If you could let me out that would be pretty great actually.”

“And why would I ever do that?” asked Barry, eyes narrowed. 

“I dunno,” said the bread man. “Maybe you find my body… appealing?”

Barry looked over the gingerbread man once more, this time with opened eyes. He was, in fact, very appealing. His cookie body, dotted with frosting, his big red mouth, and even the little buttons on his chest were all something Barry thought he would find…

Delicious.

In one motion, he scooped up the gingerbread man with his hands and shoved him down his gullet, not even stopping for the screams of pain he heard inside his stomach before smacking his lips and moving on to his next target. 

Chapter Text

“There you are, motherfucker.”

Barry had finally found the room that Lord Farquaad was residing in. Here sat a huge golden throne with attendants on either side, and Farquaad sat in the middle. Sans sat at his feet, at the top of the red carpeted stairs. 

“Sans!” Barry cried, tears in his eyes. “I’ve come to get you out of here!”

Sans said nothing, but looked up at Lord Farquaad instead. 

“...I know I’ve said some horrible things to you,” started Barry. “I know some things I’ve done can’t be forgiven. I know I’ve cheated and lied and paid my way to your heart. But I can make it all up to you. And, if you would, I’d like you to consider this…” Barry looked up at Sans with puppy dog eyes and pointed his fingers together in the uwu gesture. “Pwetty pwease fuck me again and not this bastard?”

Sans looked Barry in the eyes again. Unfortunately, Barry could not tell what he was thinking as Sans’s mouth was continually twisted into a skeletal smile. 

*... i dont know, barry, Sans said. *ive been having so much fun with farquaad and… i just dont know if i can forgive how youve treated me.

“Pwetty pwease with a chewwy on top?” asked Barry pleadingly.

*... ah, to hell with it, Sans said. *i still love you, and i cant stop myself from loving you. i was just trying to make you jealous lmao.

“Ohhhhhhh,” said Barry, stunned speechless. “Oh. Uh, yeah. I knew that… the whole time. I knew the whole time haha.”

*well whaddaya say we hightail it out of here, said Sans.

“Not so motherfucking fast,” shouted Farquaad, standing up on his throne so that he was marginally taller (not any more imposing, however). “I bought your mansion with my own money and your lover with my own charms. I am the President of the United States and I can do anything I wish. What now, bitches?”

“Well, we’ve established that Sans was just messing with me and getting me to be jealous,” Barry said. “So I’d wager if one of the things you bought was fake, the other two are too.”

“Oh yeah?” Lord Farquaad pulled out his rapier. “What do you wanna bet?”

“Silly Farquaad,” Barry said, pulling out his AK-47. “You know in a game of rock paper scissors, gun always wins.”

Farquaad gave a loud shout and leaped off his throne, charging at Barry with a rallying cry. Barry stepped back, firing continuously at Lord Farquaad’s face. None of his shots hit, however, as Lord Farquaad was simply too fast. 

“He’s faster than Sonic,” Barry mused. 

Lord Farquaad rushed forward, narrowly missing Barry with the tip of his sword. Barry swiftly dodged and fired back, but Lord Farquaad was too nimble and short. 

*no omg dont fight over me haha lmao, Sans said.

“Not helping, honey,” Barry grunted.

Lord Farquaad and Barry dashed forward at the same time, before Barry fired his gun into Lord Farquaad’s chest at close range. Lord Farquaad fell to the ground. 

“Oh my god are you okay?” asked Barry. “I didn’t mean to like mortally wound you I was trying to like,,,,, rough you up a little and tell you ‘ehhhhh don’t touch my man again or I'll kill you’ type of thing. Holy shit I didn’t want to hurt you. Are you okay?”

“Just a flesh wound,” groaned Lord Farquaad. “Please, come closer, Barry B. Benson. I have something to tell you.”

“Alright,” Barry said. “I totally trust you.”

He stepped closer and closer, kneeling at Lord Farquaad’s side until--

Farquaad took out his rapier and stuck it straight through Barry’s chest. 

Chapter Text

*barry! Sans screamed, rushing over to him and stepping on Lord Farquaad, who did not make a sound because he was dead. 

“Sans,” Barry said. “Hey.”

*hey yourself, Sans said, no tears dripping from his eyes because he was a skeleton. 

“I… don’t think I’m gonna make it,” said Barry.

*no no no no dont say that, said Sans, pulling out an eye dropper and squeezing some liquid into his gaping holes so he could cry. *were gonna pull through. were sans and barry remember? barry and sans. we can accomplish anything together.

“Brother I literally have a gaping hole in my chest,” said Barry. “Today is the day I fucking perish bro.”

*oh right he stabbed you i forgor, said Sans sadly. 

“It’s okay, my love,” Barry said. “Everything will be okay, I promise. I’ve lived a fulfilling life. I met the love of my life. I was a trillionaire. I learned that I was immortal and resistant to harm but apparently not impervious to getting stabbed. I saved you from the hands of that villain. I’ve done everything I wanted or needed to. What more could I ask for?”

*maybe to live, said Sans.

“Nahhhh,” answered Barry. “I got to see the most beautiful angel in the world shine down upon me. I can die happy now.”

*now?? asked Sans. *why not in a few minutes?? actually make it a few hours. actually make it a few days. actually make it a few--

“Shut the fuck up,” said Barry. “Man, for a guy who I wanna spend the rest of my life with you sure do talk a lot.”

Sans was silent.

“Get it? You’re the man I’m spending the rest of my life with? ”

*this is NOT FUNNY BARRY, Sans screamed. *i am about to lose my PARTNER in CRIME and in LIFE. 

“Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh whatever,” Barry said. “I’m just gonna die, don’t be so dramatic.”

*you know what? fuck you, said Sans. *i wasnt gonna do this but now that youre being such an asshole im just gonna do it anyway.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” asked Barry before Sans shed his mortal coil and ascended into his true, perfect form.

“HOLY SHIT??????” screamed Barry. “WHAT THE FUCK, GOD??”

*sorry barry but i cant let you die, said Sans. *you know how it is, yeah?

“Ok ok whatever get it over with,” Barry scoffed. “Is it gonna hurt?”

*yeah it might sting a little, said Sans before plunging his hand into Barry’s chest and rearranging his organs.

“HOLY SHIT!!” Barry screamed for the second time. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING????”

*im turning back time on your body, said Sans matter-of-factly. *so you can live with me.

“What if I don wanna,” said Barry.

*that’s too bad, bitch, said Sans. *get dunked on. 

Barry felt his insides reversing and getting younger and younger, which was a hell of a feat considering he was an immortal bee. “Don’t turn me into an egg,” he told Sans.

*dont worry, said Sans. *ive done this before. granted i turned back into a full human but that was rectified pretty easily.

“What the fuck?” asked Barry.

Sans said nothing and pulled his hand out of Barry’s chest. *there, asshole. i saved your fucking life. youre fucking welcome. 

“Goddammit,” sighed Barry, now moving around to see that the hole in his chest was fixed and nothing hurt anymore. However, as he looked around him, he noted that Lord Farquaad was still very much dead. “You asshole. Come here, you.”

Sans unshed his mortal coil and rushed into Barry’s arms, kissing him passionately. *im so happy youre alive, Sans said.

“It’s all because of you,” Barry said. “All because of you.”

Sans pulled away and looked at the ground. *barry, i--

“What is it, honey?” Barry asked. 

*im sorry, Sans said.

“Eh, whatever,” Barry said. “Past is the past. Now we can go back home and make out.”

*i like the sound of that, Sans said. 

Chapter Text

It was nighttime. Barry and Sans had just returned home from the White House and had passionately resumed their tryst. Sans was asleep beside him when Barry shot straight up, realizing something he should have days ago.

“I have to marry Sans now,” he breathed aloud.

The concept should have been so obvious to him, yet it had taken him days to realize it. He should’ve known as soon as he set eyes on Sans in Grillby’s bar all those days ago. He should’ve asked him to marry him on the spot.

“God fucking dammit,” he said.

*whats wrong, honey? asked Sans, sitting up.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nothing,” Barry said, panicked. “Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all. Go back to sleep.”

*youre not cheating on me again, are you barry? Sans asked sadly.

“What? What??? No, of course not. The opposite. Go back to sleep.”

*...okay, said Sans and he laid back down. 

Fuck. Barry was gonna have to do this as soon as possible if he wanted to keep it a secret from the omniscient Sans. Quickly, he got out of bed and flew down the stairs to the living room.

Okay. What was his first step? He had to do this today, or else Sans would find out. So what would he plan first?

He picked up his phone and dialed a familiar number.

“This is the Lorax speaking (for the trees). What can I do for you?”

“Can you officiate my wedding?”

“Barry B. Benson??” the Lorax cried. “What the fuck are you talking to me for???”

“Can you officiate my wedding?”

“Who the fuck are you getting married to?”

“Sans, obviously. Look, can you do it or not?”

“Sans, obviously,” muttered the Lorax. “Yeah, sure, I can. Now fuck off.”

“Thank you,” said Barry, and he hung up.

Perfect. One down. Now to contact the groom’s father.

He dialed the phone number Sans had given him when they first met.

“Hello? Yes, is this Mr. Undertale?... Yes, I’d like to come meet you later today. When would be a good time? …Now? Now it is then. See you in five minutes then.”

Barry hung up, pulled his favorite black and yellow sweater from a chair in the kitchen, and flew out the door. 

Chapter Text

Barry knocked on the door of the small, unassuming suburban home. “Mr. Undertale?” he asked. “Anybody home?”

The door opened to reveal… nobody. Empty space. 

A dog barked right in front of him.

Barry looked down to see a fluffy white dog had opened the door. Without a shadow of a doubt, he instinctively knew it was Sans’ father.

“Oh my god, Mr. Undertale,” Barry said. “I’m so delighted to meet you.”

“Bark, bark,” the dog said. 

“Thank you so much,” Barry said. “I’ll just take up a minute of your time.”

“Bork,” said the dog, and Barry entered.

“You have such a lovely home,” Barry said politely.

“Bark,” said the dog. 

“Oh, thank you so much,” Barry said, taking a seat. “So, Mr. Undertale, I’m only here for one reason, and one reason only. The thing is, I wanna marry your son.”

“Bark bork,” said the dog.

“I know, we haven’t been dating for very long, but I know he’s my soulmate. I know he’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Is that so wrong?”

“Bark,” said the dog.

“Thank you for understanding, Mr. Undertale.”

“Bark bark bark,” warned the dog. “Bark bork bark bark bork bork.”

“I understand. Trust me that I will do everything in my power to make sure he has a good and comfortable life.”

“Bark bark bark,” sighed the dog.

They sat in silence for a couple seconds before Barry spoke up.

“Well… do I have your blessing, Mr. Undertale? That is what I intended to ask today.”

“Bark…” contemplated the dog deeply. “Bark bark. Bark bork bark bark. Bark bark bark.”

“Oh, thank you Mr. Undertale!” cried Sans in joy. Flying over to the chair, he picked Mr. Undertale up and spun him around. “Thank you thank you thank you! I promise I won’t let you down!”

“Bark bark,” sighed the dog. “Bark bork bark.”

Chapter Text

The day of the wedding had finally arrived… 2 hours after Barry B. Benson had exited Mr. Undertale’s house. It had taken him an hour to fly back home, and immediately after, he had hired caterers, musicians, bartenders, and invited all the guests on the double. 

He hadn’t even proposed to Sans yet. He supposed it would be a pretty good surprise.

After making sure everything was in order and bossing around the plebians a little bit for fun, he zipped back upstairs to see Sans still asleep. He quickly shook his lover awake and enjoyed seeing Sans’s gorgeous permanent smile.

“Good morning, honey,” he said. “I have a surprise for you.”

*...what? where? Sans said, rubbing his eyes. But since he had no eyes, his hands went further into his eye sockets and ended up rubbing the back of the skull instead.

“A good surprise, and downstairs,” Barry said, tugging Sans’s hand. 

Sans slowly got out of bed, but Barry soon got impatient and picked him up and flew him all the way down to the bottom floor. “Here we are, honey,” he said. “Wait for just a moment.”

Barry zipped outside and took his place by the wedding arch.

“Why the fuck did you ask me to officiate?” whispered the Lorax.

“Cause you’re the one who made me realize I want to marry him,” Barry said.

“Oh fuck me,” the Lorax said.

“Too late for that,” Barry responded. 

The double rosewood doors opened and Sans stepped out.

*oh, barry… he breathed. *its beautiful.

“It’s all for you, honey,” Barry said, itching to take Sans’s hands in his own. “Will you marry me?”

*yes, barry! yes, of course! Sans cried, making his way down the aisle and coming to face Barry. *i love you, barry.

“I love you too, honey,” Barry said.

“Oh my fucking god, shut the fuck up,” said the Lorax. “Read your goddamn vows or whatever.”

Barry turned to Sans and smiled. “Sans Undertale, I promise for the rest of my days that I will never give you up. I will never let you down. I will never run around, or desert you. I will never make you cry. I will never say goodbye. I will never tell a lie or hurt you.”

“God fucking dammit,” said the Lorax. “Sans, you got anything to say to that?”

*i do, said Sans.

“...And?” said the Lorax.

*oh i thought we were already at the i do part, Sans said.

“What the fuck ever. I now pronounce you bee and skeleton. You may, uh… continually smile at the groom.”

*barry, we’re married! cried Sans.

“I love you, Sans,” said Barry, leaning in to kiss Sans.

*i love you too, barry, said Sans, and he closed the distance. 

Chapter Text

3 days later

“And that’s how I met your mother,” said Barry, closing the very small storybook.

“But Sans is our father,” said Barry’s favorite child, Bee Skeleton #1. 

“Shut up and go to your room, I don’t remember asking you to talk back to me like that,” Barry said.

Bee Skeleton #1 hung his head and flew back to his room.

“You too, Bee Skeleton #2 and Bee Skeleton #3,” Barry said, and his other kids hung their heads and flew after Bee Skeleton #1.

*barry? Sans called from the other room. *are you punishing our kids for no reason again?

“Guilty as charged, honey,” Barry said, zipping around the corner and giving Sans a kiss. “They deserve it, the little fuckers.”

*well dont be too rough with them, Sans said. *they may never understand our love, but they will find their own barry in time.

“You mean their own Sans,” Barry said, and Sans laughed.

*well agree to disagree, he said. *i love you, barry.

“I love you, Sans,” Barry said, and he laughed.

All was well in Barry and Sans’s 14 million dollar mansion on their private island in the Pacific.