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Chapter Text

It started out as just another day on Qing Jing peak when everything changed once again for Shen Qingqiu.

Binghe had left that morning on a night hunt after making some delicious sweet buns as a snack for his Shizun, and would not return for at least a week. In the meantime, Shen Qingqiu decided that he would go to the nearest town and buy a present for his little white lotus. Perhaps another jade pendant? He could just see Binghe’s face light up when he presented him with his gift as a reward for his hard work when he came back. He arranged for a coach to wait for him at the base of the stairs of the peak and after finishing his morning classes, set off downwards.

Ah, what a beautiful day! The sun was out, the birds were singing and there was the sound of a baby crying. Wait, a baby crying?! Shen Qingqiu looked around and spotted a child sitting on one of the landings and sobbing his little heart out.

There was no one else around.

Who the hell had left a BABY alone on the stairs??

Using his cultivation, Shen Qingqiu leaped down to land right next to the child. He immediately picked him up and held him, all while rubbing circles on his back, the way he used to for his younger cousins when he had been Shen Yuan.

“There there, don’t cry,” he murmured to the child. Please kid, I really don’t know what to do if you don’t stop.

Fortunately, the child’s cries soon tapered down to sniffles. Breathing a sigh of relief, Shen Qingqiu sat down on the stairs, putting the child on his lap and examined him. He was older than Shen Qingqiu had first thought, probably closer to two. He was a cute little bun, all dark haired and dark eyed with chubby cheeks, dressed in the simple clothes any villager child would wear.

Shen Qingqiu pulled his handkerchief out of his sleeve and wiped the child’s face.

“Blow,” he instructed. The child obediently blew his nose.

It was then that Shen Qingqiu noticed a piece of paper folded into the child’s top. He drew the paper out and unfolded it.

The paper read:
To Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu,
This boy is your son. I can no longer take care of him so I am leaving him with you. Do what you want with him.

Shen Qingqiu’s jaw dropped. This boy was Shen Qingqiu’s SON??!! He shouldn’t be so surprised considering that the original goods was a lech who ran around frequenting brothels. It should be no shock that such a man had sired one, or maybe more, illegitimate children. But STILL!

System, WTF is going on? There was no such character as ‘Shen Qingqiu’s son’ in PIDW!

System is currently undergoing maintenance and cannot be reached for inquiry at the moment. Please do your best in the meantime, host! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

Fuck your mother, you shitty System! Just what the HELL am I to do now?

Shen Qingqiu flipped the paper over, hoping for more clues, but it was blank. Poor kid really had the bad luck to have such a shitty mother. Who the FUCK leaves a toddler alone on a tall staircase, hmmm? The kid could’ve fallen and cracked his head wide open! Curse the original goods too for having such terrible taste in women!

He looked back down at the toddler, who was staring at him. “What’s your name?” he asked.

The child’s only reply was to suck on his fist. Probably too shy to answer. An awful thought struck Shen Qingqiu. Did the kid even have a name? His mother certainly hadn’t written it down in her letter. Seriously, what kind of shitty parenting is this?!

An audible growl filled the air. Shen Qingqiu suppressed a smile. It seemed like a little someone was hungry. Fortunately, he had the buns that Binghe had left for him. He’d meant to eat it in the carriage but oh well, looked like someone else needed it more. He pulled out the buns from his qiankun bag and offered one to the child.

“Here baby, have one of these. It’s delicious,” he said.

The child continued to stare mutely at him.

Shen Qingqiu almost facepalmed at himself. Of course! Stranger Danger 101: Don’t Accept Food From Strangers! He tore a piece off the bun and popped it into his mouth. Mmmm, red bean paste filling.

“See, it’s perfectly safe. Why don’t you try it?” he cooed at the child.

The boy slowly reached out for the bun, almost as if he expected Shen Qingqiu to yank away the bun at the last minute. Once he had it, he immediately stuck it into his mouth. He must’ve been very hungry because the bun disappeared faster than Shen Qingqiu would’ve expected. Shen Qingqiu passed him another bun. This too was quickly devoured, albeit slower than the first one. Watching the child eat, he wondered again what he was to do with the child. He supposed he could leave him at the nearest orphanage. He almost immediately rejected the idea. According to the Tragic Backstories of wives #53, #172 and #246, orphanages in PIDW were terrible places, rife with all sorts of abuse and mistreatment. (Wife #246’s story was frankly, a copy-paste of wife #53’s, with only the names changed. Shen Yuan had almost spat blood when he realised. He had sent Airplane-Shooting-Through-The-Sky a long vitriolic comment for that.)

Anyway, orphanages were a no-go! He couldn’t subject any child to that. Especially not one who was (technically) of his own flesh and blood! Which meant that he had to raise the kid himself. Shen Qingqiu resolutely ignored the inner screaming voice that said that the only experience he had with children this small was his younger cousins, and babysitting for a few hours was hardly comparable to actually raising a child. He’d made up his mind!

He picked up the little boy, settled him on his hip the way he used to for his younger cousins, and made his way downwards once again. It was a good thing that he was already going to town because now he could pick up things for his new son! Let’s see, what would a toddler need now? Clothes, diapers, toys, children’s books, a cot and probably a bottle or two since he doubted that PIDW had sippy cups for toddlers. He nodded to himself. Yup, that should be it. Sneaking a peek down at the child revealed that he had fallen asleep somewhere while they were going down the stairs. He smiled down at him. Ah, who could’ve been so cruel to abandon such an adorable little thing like this? Considering that he had been found on the first landing, his mother must’ve initially wanted to climb all the way up, but had then gotten cold feet about the whole thing and decided to leave her child behind. No way could this baby have climbed 250 steps all by himself, after all.

The carriage driver glanced at him, then did a double take when he saw the sleeping child in Shen Qingqiu’s arms. “Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu, if this one may be so bold to ask, where did the child come from?”

“Someone abandoned him on the first landing of the staircase,” answered Shen Qingqiu. “Did you see anyone climb up the stairs before I came?”

The man shook his head. “No one, daozhang.” He then gave a sheepish grin. “I did hear what seemed like a child crying, but I thought it must be some sort of monster nearby so I didn’t dare investigate.”

Shen Qingqiu understood. The Giant Pale Rat for instance, could imitate the sound of an infant’s cry to lure people into its den, which it would then devour.

“What are you planning to do with him, daozhang?” asked the carriage driver.

Shen Qingqiu raised an eyebrow at him. “I’ll be taking him in, of course.” He got into the carriage. “Now drive.”

The carriage driver did as he said and took off. Fortunately, the child slept in his lap for the entire journey, only waking up when they reached town. Watching him blink his eyes open, Shen Qingqiu mentally crossed his fingers hoping that he wouldn’t start crying again or ask for his mother but luckily, the child did neither, only raising his arms to be carried once again.

His first stop was at a carpenter’s shop, but alas, the only thing they had were wooden cradles. So unsafe! A child could easily fall out of it, and hit their head! Perhaps this was why so many PIDW characters had low IQ. Fell out of their cradle one too many times and lost most of their brain cells! He supposed he could go to An Ding Peak tomorrow and commission the carpenters there to make a proper crib. With a sketch, to show them exactly what he wanted.

The next stop on his list was the bookstore, which contained a variety of books, but unfortunately, there were none suitable for toddlers. He did however, buy a few adventure novels for himself to read later on.

Adjusting the toddler on his hip, Shen Qingqiu moved on to the next shop on the list. All through their journey, the boy had seemed content to be carried about, turning his head to look around the town, without a peep of protest. What a well-behaved child, this boy was. His own cousins would’ve been squirming about by now, demanding to be put down so that they could run about. His mother must’ve clearly been touched in the head to want to give up such a good child.

Halfway to the ready to wear clothing store, Shen Qingqiu saw two street children sitting on the street side, begging for money. He put a few coins in their bowl and moved on.

It was at the clothing store when the boy finally spoke. Shen Qingqiu had been choosing clothes for him when there was a tug on his sleeve.

“I want that one,” he said, pointing to a pale green robe.

Shen Qingqiu shrugged and added it to the pile of clothes he was planning to buy. “Alright.”

The boy gave him a piercing look, and then pointed to a yellow robe set that was in the clothes pile. “I don’t want that one.”

Shen Qingqiu shrugged again and took it out. This earned him another piercing look, but the child fell silent again. Along with clothes, Shen Qingqiu also bought two dozen cloth diapers. He really wished that this world had Pampers, but oh well, cloth diapers couldn’t be that hard to figure out, could it?

After finishing with clothes shopping, the pair went to the toy store. Shen Qingqiu almost spat blood when he saw the contents. Great God Airplane, PIDW is a xianxia world. So please tell me, why are there teddy bears in this setting? And is that a DUPLO set?! It’s made out of wood instead of plastic, and there’s no instruction picture, but this is definitely Duplo! Airplane, you fucking hack! I swear if we ever meet, I am going to beat you to death with my fan! This is almost as bad as you having Binghe and wife #277 eating bananas in chapter 1248!

(He ended up buying the xianxia Duplo set, one of the teddy bears, along with a wooden toy boat, a stuffed cat and some building blocks).

Shen Qingqiu was just about to head back to Qing Jing Peak, when he realised that he had almost forgotten about the jade pendant he meant to buy for Binghe. And the milk bottles as well!

The bottles were easily picked up from a stall. As for the pendant, he went to the jewellery store that he had frequented before and picked out a ring-shaped jade pendant for Binghe.

“Aren’t you going to get one for your son, daozhang?” asked the shopkeeper, a plump and jovial man.

“Of course,” he hastily replied.

(Ah, the shopkeeper called him “my son”. My son! I’m too young to be a father! He mentally flailed around a bit before smacking himself. I agreed to take responsibility and that’s what I’m going to do, he told himself. Besides, look at him. Who else does this poor child have?)

He picked out a similar ring-shaped pendant and looped it around his son’s neck after paying the shopkeeper.

“Do you like it?” he asked the child.The child touched the pendant and gave a little nod.

“Good,” he replied. “Now, let’s go home.”

Halfway to the point where they were to meet the carriage driver, Shen Qingqiu felt a sudden wetness. He looked down at the child, who was stiff against him, cheeks flushed and deliberately not meeting his gaze. Ah, the baby peed on him! Peed!

Shen Qingqiu mentally slapped himself. He should have known that this was going to happen. First, this child had been sitting on the staircase for gods-know-how-long, then there was the carriage ride and then their walk through town. Of course, he was going to need to relieve himself. Shen Qingqiu should’ve taken him to the nearest latrines as soon as they got out of the carriage! Especially since he knew that toddlers had poor bladder control. Ah well, hindsight was always 20/20.

Shen Qingqiu patted the child on the head. “It’s okay, baby. I’m not mad at you. These things happen, alright?”

The toddler stared at him. “Really?”

Shen Qingqiu smiled at him. “Really. Now, let’s go clean ourselves up.”

Fortunately, there was an inn not far away from where they were. Shen Qingqiu ordered for them a room and a hot bath for both of them. While waiting for the water to be brought, he took out the toys he had bought earlier for his son to play with. The boy ignored the teddy bear and stuffed cat in favour of playing with Duplo and the building blocks, making a house and a tower only to smash it and rebuild it, all while sneaking indecipherable glances in his direction every now and then. He didn’t seem to want his father’s help, smacking his hand away and saying “no” every time Shen Qingqiu tried to add to the tower. He did allow him to pass him blocks though. The trouble only started when the inn servants brought in the tub and filled it up.

All this time, this child had been so obedient, but now confronted with the bathtub, he became stubborn. Crossing your arms and scowling so hard, my son, why are you so scared of taking a bath?

Shen Qingqiu smiled at the boy and tapped the water’s surface. “Don’t worry, baby. The water is nice and warm. Come and feel it for yourself if you don’t believe me.”

“NO!”

Shen Qingqiu took out the wooden boat he had bought earlier and waved it about. “Look, you can play with your new toy in the water.”

“NO!”

Shen Qingqiu tried again. “Listen, you’re all sweaty from all that walking about earlier and stinky from wetting yourself. A warm bath will make you all fresh and clean again. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

“NO! NO! NO!” This time, the child stamped his foot in anger.

Shen Qingqiu scratched his head. So difficult! Should he just say “screw it”, strip the boy down and then put him in the bath? Surely, he’d calm down once he realised the tub wasn’t going to eat him, right? But then again, he was unsure if he could handle washing himself and taking care of a struggling toddler at the same time. What if he accidentally let go of him and the child slipped under the water and drowned? He heard babies and toddlers could drown very easily, even in a few centimetres depth of water in a very short period of time.

Oh. Was that why this child didn’t want to take a bath?

“Is it because the tub is too big?”

He was met with silence this time and the boy looked away from him, seemingly staring at a splotch on the wall.

Bingo!

Shen Qingqiu opened the door and called for an inn servant to bring him a small stool. Said stool was brought with due haste. He then put the stool in the tub. By his estimations, a child of his son’s size sitting on the stool would be able to keep head and shoulders above the water. Sure, there’d be less space for him in the tub, but he’d manage.

“There!” he declared. “Now you don’t have to worry so much about drowning when there’s a stool for you to sit on. Now, will you take a bath?”

This time, the child nodded and went to untie his clothes. Shen Qingqiu reached out to help him, only to get his hands slapped away.

“I can do it myself!” announced the boy.

Alright, if you say so. Shen Qingqiu stripped out of his own soiled clothes.He then picked up the child who was also done and put him on the stool. To his relief, the stool was at the perfect height for the child to sit and enjoy the warm water. He reached out with a washcloth to scrub the child clean, only for the boy to grab it away from him and declare that he could do it himself and proceeded to do so.

Ah, his son was really at that age where they wanted to do everything themselves, huh?

Then came the second dilemma: putting a cloth diaper on a toddler. Earlier on, he had thought that such a thing couldn’t be too hard, but really this was a lot more complicated than he thought. His napkin was always either too loose or almost immediately, fell apart. Finally, Shen Qingqiu admitted defeat and got another inn servant to teach him how to wrap a diaper. The woman was only too happy to do so in exchange for a few coins.

Once that was done, and the two of them were finally dressed up, they finally headed back to Qing Jing peak in their carriage with Shen Qingqiu holding his son in his lap. He looked down at the boy again.

“Do you really not have a name, baby?” he asked.

The boy shrugged and looked away, fiddling with the hem of his robes. Shen Qingqiu internally wept. Lady, what kind of person are you to not even give your child a name? And you, original goods! WTF is your taste in women?!

Shen Qingqiu smiled down at the boy. “Alright, if you don’t have a name, then this baba will give you one. How about Shen Yu?”

The boy paused and then shook his head.

“Okay. What about Shen Bao?”

This earned another head shake.

“Shen Ying? Oh wait, what about Shen Meng?”

At this, the boy screwed up his face like he had just bitten into a lemon, shook his head violently and yelled “NO!”

Welp, that was him all out of options for now. Perhaps he should have picked up a book of baby names while he was in the bookstore.

It was dark by the time they got back. A good thing too, or else he would have to deal with Ning Yingying and all his other disciples fluttering about him, curious about his new son. It would be very awkward to admit that the toddler didn’t have a name yet. Then again, his disciples would likely have a lot of options for what to name him. That could wait for tomorrow though. He alerted the kitchens to prepare two meals for dinner, which was sent quickly to the Bamboo House.

Shen Qingqiu internally wept as he dug into the food. Qing Jing’s normal cuisine was just so bland! Did the original goods just hate flavour or something? Having to eat this just made him miss his little white lotus even more. Binghe, please finish your night hunt quickly! This master already misses your cooking.

He eyed the little boy who was sitting next to him, eating quietly though albeit a little clumsily with the chopsticks. (He had tried to feed the child earlier, only to have the toddler insist once again that he could do it himself). Ah, it had been a worry that this child wouldn’t like the food and refuse to eat. Luckily, he didn’t seem to be a picky eater. Shen Qingqiu noted that he had gotten some sauce on his cheek. He took out another handkerchief and gently dabbed the sauce away. His son gave him an inscrutable look but continued eating.

Once they were done eating and the dishes had been put away, the boy looked at him, visibly steeled himself and said, “We need to talk.”

Shen Qingqiu smiled down at him. “Oh? What is it that you want to talk about?”

“This.” The child’s eyes narrowed. “Just what are you playing at, body thief?”

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu closed the door to the woodshed where the beast was still hanging. Filthy wretch! If a good beating and being hanged for hours didn’t finally convince the stupid beast that he wasn’t wanted on this Peak and that he should just leave, he’d - well, he’d just have to try harder to get rid of him.

There was a tremor to his hands and his meridians were starting to burn up. Shen Qingqiu had enough qi deviations over the years to recognise the warning signs. He walked swiftly towards his house. He was not going to have a full-fledged qi deviation out in the open for all his disciples to gawk at.

By the time he neared his house, Shen Qingqiu’s nose had begun to bleed. He could taste rotten blood in his mouth and his veins felt as if there was lava flowing through them instead of blood.

Fortunately, he managed to reach his house before the worst of it hit. Unfortunately, that was when his luck completely deserted him because he had barely closed the door behind him when the seizures started. He fell to the ground, all his limbs shaking. Shen Qingqiu could feel more blood flowing from his eyes and ears as he shook and writhed. Ah, this is a bad one, was his last thought before he mercifully lost consciousness.

_______________________

The next thing Shen Jiu knew, he was dragged into the light by a giant blurry figure. And then the giant slapped him. He tried to yell a protest, only for his words to come out as an infant’s cry. The giant washed him and wrapped him in a clean cloth before putting him on a woman’s chest.

Ah, he had died and been reincarnated. Well, he always thought that if anything was going to kill him, it would likely be a qi deviation. The only mystery about this situation was how he had reincarnated with all his memories intact. Shouldn’t he have been given Meng Po’s soup in the afterlife? Had Meng Po simply gone on vacation or had there been some error in the celestial bureaucracy? Well, whatever the cause, he certainly wasn’t going to complain.

___________________________

His new mother named him Lai Ping. Every morning she would feed and change him before dropping him off with a neighbour, an old woman everyone called Granny Feng, while she went to work. Granny Feng’s own grandchildren lived a few towns away so she was only too delighted to dote on a baby for a single copper coin a day. He would stay with her until nightfall when his mother finally returned from work and picked him up. She’d care for him and rest herself, having been fed dinner by her employer already, until they both dropped off to sleep. Rinse and repeat ad nauseum.

Being an infant, Shen Jiu decided, was the worst. First was the absolute boredom. He spent a lot of his waking time either lying on the floor or in a basket, looking up at the ceiling or the sky. Sure Granny Feng talked to him while she gardened or did household chores, but all she was interested in was the usual small-town gossip, about who was marrying whom, who had a falling out with whom, who was having children, et cetera, et cetera. None of which were topics he was interested in. (He didn’t mind listening to her children's stories though).

The second worst thing was the complete lack of control. Shen Jiu had always prided himself on his self-control, but now he had none whatsoever in this infant body. The slightest pang of hunger sent his body wailing, it soiled itself whenever it pleased, and he now had the irresistible urge to stick the nearest grabbable object into his mouth. (He had finally figured out how to roll onto his front just the other day, and his baby body decided to celebrate this accomplishment by squealing and laughing, much to his utter disgust).

But the worst thing about being an infant, the absolute worst thing about it was having to be completely dependent on another human being. If he was hungry, he could only wait until his mother offered him a breast or Granny Feng gave him a bottle of milk from her very own nanny goat. If he soiled himself, he had to lie in his own wastes until one of the women cleaned him up and changed his diaper. Also, it would be so easy for either woman to kill him in this small weak body. They could smother him with his own blanket or simply drown him in his bathtub, and there would be nothing he could do to stop them. And it would be so easy for them to get away with it. “Oh, I just put the baby down for a nap and when I went to check on him, I found his little body cold. It must’ve been the work of evil spirits!” Or “oh, I just turned around for a minute and the next thing I knew, he was underwater!”

(Shen Jiu was sure his mother occasionally had thoughts in that direction whenever she bathed him. He could never entirely relax until she took him out of the tub).

Sometimes, Shen Jiu wondered how things had gone on in Cang Qiong in his absence. No doubt his old body had been buried with all the honours befitting a Peak Lord, attended by all his martial siblings furiously pretending that they weren’t utterly relieved by his death. Hell, even Yue Qingyuan was probably glad that the last living reminder of his shameful past was gone. As for his Peak, the hall masters were probably handling its affairs now - no doubt, making an utter mess of it. Well, it wasn’t his problem anymore, that’s for sure.

What his problem now was making sure he survived childhood. Once he grew enough to start walking and speaking proper sentences, he would have to find a way to make himself useful to his mother. Enough so that she wouldn’t be tempted to sell him into slavery once he was considered “old enough to work”. (He’d been a child slave once before and he wasn’t keen on repeating the experience, thank you very much). Then, once he reached the proper age for cultivation, he could leave this place and enter a cultivation sect.

(He had already checked via meditation and found - much to his joy and relief - that this body not only had intact, if closed, meridians but also spirit veins, meaning that he would be able to cultivate once he was older).

Which cultivation sect would he join once he was old enough? Tian Yi Overlook? Zhao Hua Temple? Definitely not Huan Hua Palace, that’s for sure. He wouldn’t be caught dead in those horrible gaudy uniforms. Much less having to bow down to the Old Palace Master!

(Perhaps he’d rejoin Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, under Qiong Ding Peak this time around. See what Yue Qi had been up to since his death).

But of course, that would take years before he could finally do that. Why oh why, had the god who created humanity not given infants the ability to be completely independent once they had left the womb? Shen Jiu wriggled around on the bamboo mat and his infant body screamed his frustration out until Granny Feng left her sweeping to tend to him.

__________________________

Finally, Shen Jiu was able to crawl! He celebrated his newfound freedom by getting his hands on one of his mother’s books, which she had always kept just out of his reach.

It was a horribly mawkish romance novel, featuring a heroine with nothing but fluff between her ears, love interests who deserved castration far more than kisses and a nonsensical plot. The book was pure tripe, the sort that he’d never even deign to touch were he in his old body, but at this point he was so starved of reading material that he’d take it.

He was halfway through when his mother, who had just finished making breakfast, turned around and saw what he was doing. She screamed, making him jump, stomped over to where he was sitting, yanked the book away from him and then gave him a hard smack. It wasn’t the first time she hit him, though this was the hardest she had ever hit. Predictably, his baby body reacted by wailing its lungs out.

“Shut up!” screamed his mother. “I didn’t hit you that hard!”

Woman, Shen Jiu retorted in the privacy of his own head, You should know by now that screaming at me to be silent never actually makes this body stop.

His mother cursed, then decided to ignore him in favour of picking up the rest of her remaining books and putting them on top of the decrepit old wardrobe, far out of his reach. Continuing to ignore him, she then ate her breakfast. Only once she was done, by which time Shen Jiu had already managed to stop his crying, she roughly picked him up, sat him at the table and started feeding him.

“Eat!” ordered his mother as she shoved congee into his mouth. “I swear brat, if you make me late for work-“

Shen Jiu, more furious over the loss of the first reading material he had in months than the smack, sullenly but obediently, ate the porridge. He consoled himself by writing his own ending to the story. The heroine would marry the first love interest, while her best friend - aka the only character in the entire novel who seemed to have any amount of brains - married the second love interest. Shortly after the weddings, the two women would murder their husbands, becoming wealthy widows. Then, they’d become lovers and live together for the rest of their lives. The end.

Once he had finished his breakfast, his mother roughly cleaned his face, washed the dishes and then picked him up to take to Granny Feng.

“What happened to A-Ping’s face?” exclaimed Granny Feng when she greeted Shen Jiu and his mother at the door.

“He was very naughty this morning,” answered his mother.

Shen Jiu snorted. If she thought cracking a book’s spine was “naughty”, then she had no idea what true naughtiness was like.

“I see,” said Granny Feng, taking Shen Jiu from his mother. “I’ll see to his cheek, shall I?”

Shen Jiu’s mother nodded brusquely to her and left.

“A-Ping,” scolded Granny Feng as she rubbed ointment onto his bruised cheek. “Don’t be so naughty around your mother, alright? She works really hard to make sure you and her have a roof over your heads and food in your bellies. And her, a single mother too!”

Granny Feng proceeded to tell Shen Jiu about his mother’s life story. It was a sadly common one. Maiden meets Man. Maiden falls in love. Man tricks Maiden into giving up her most precious flower. Maiden gets pregnant as a result. Maiden tells Man about her condition. Man promptly does a runner, leaving Maiden alone with the stigma of being an unwed mother.

Fuck all men.

Unsurprisingly, his mother’s family had kicked her out upon learning of her condition. What was surprising however, was that they had not only allowed her to pack some things before that, but that they had also given her some money to make her own way.

The money had been enough to not only get her to this small town, but also to pay rent for the small apartment she and Shen Jiu shared. She had told the townspeople that she was a young widow, but someone’s cousin’s in-law was apparently a servant in her ex-neighbour’s house and knew of the scandal. Which of course meant everyone in town knew the truth by now.

Well, this explained why his mother always seemed to resent his presence. Sure, she cared for him, but she had hit him more than once before, screamed at him whenever she got too annoyed with his crying and sometimes just walked out of the apartment, leaving him to cry alone on the floor. (She had always eventually returned to tend to him though). If she hadn’t gotten pregnant with him, she would likely still be living in the bosom of her family. Perhaps engaged, if not married, to a worthy young man of the proper station by now. Instead she was here, living in a small apartment with her bastard son and working long hours for little pay.

If Shen Jiu had been in her position, he would’ve immediately sought out an abortifacient after his faithless lover revealed his true colours, and gotten rid of the unborn child. If he had been unsuccessful in finding an abortifacient, then he would’ve smothered the brat shortly after its birth. Since his mother had neither killed him at birth, nor abandoned him in the wilderness, then he supposed she must truly care about him.

(Of course, she could always sell him to a slaver once he was old enough, but he’d cross that bridge if it came to it).

__________________________

At two years of age, Shen Jiu was enjoying more freedom. He could finally walk and talk properly. He had much better control over his bowel and bladder. (The less said about “night-time accidents”, the better). Sure, he still had difficulty regulating his emotions. A little bit of frustration or exhaustion could send him into tantrums or crying bouts, but at least it was better than it used to be as an infant. He had convinced his mother to take them foraging in the woods nearby, and together they had discovered a copse of Sweet Mimic Grass (that he had identified), which was known as an excellent aid in cultivation. Later on, he had taught his mother how to use the petals of the Pink Star Rose to lure and capture Ruby Glow Flies, which were capable of suppressing small amounts of resentful energy. The sale of both items made sure that they were better off financially than they had been in the past two years. The improvement in their fortune allowed Shen Jiu’s mother to buy more books for both of them, something they both enjoyed. Yes, things were looking up for Shen Jiu now.

Or at least, they would have been, if not for his mother.

She had never been the most affectionate of mothers, but ever since he started talking in sentences, she had started touching him less and less. Now she only touched him if it was necessary. Sometimes, when she thought he wasn’t looking, she looked at him as if he were a wild animal that had wandered into her house that could attack at any time. On the plus side, she had stopped hitting him. But on the other hand, Shen Jiu’s old fears that she would drown him in the bathtub had resurfaced.

Curse the woman! Had he not improved their lives with his knowledge? Had he not been a filial son?

The worst thing was that he could do nothing about it. He was still too weak to defend himself against her, too weak to make it on his own if he ran away, too weak to do anything. The only thing he could think of to save himself was convincing her to give him up to Granny Feng, who thought of him as a “very clever little boy”. But while Granny Feng was fond of him, there was no guarantee that she would want to actually raise him. And even if she did, she was still an old woman. She could die before he was old enough to join a cultivation sect and it was unlikely that any of her relatives would want to take an extra mouth on their hands if she did.

(Shen Jiu had tried to subtly question Granny Feng if she was willing to take him in, but so far he had not gotten a definite answer).

Today, he was accompanying his mother to the marketplace, clutching her skirts as they walked to make sure he didn’t get lost in the crowd. They stopped where a small crowd had gathered around Old Heng, who sold cabbages.

“-so there I was, holding on to my cabbages as the herd of Fire Croco-oxen drew down on us. There had to be a dozen of the beasts - no, TWO dozen of them - all snorting and blowing flame from their nostrils. I thought I was a goner for sure. I closed my eyes and prayed to the gods when -” Old Heng paused here dramatically.

“When what?” asked one of the other merchants.

“When Shen Qingqiu and his disciples came to the rescue!” continued Old Heng.

Shen Jiu choked. When what?!

“Oh, those Cang Qiong cultivators sure showed those monsters what for.” Old Heng took a leek from the stall next to him to demonstrate the cultivators’ moves. “With a swish of the blade here and a whack there and soon all the beasts were lying dead on the ground. After that, the Peak Lord himself approached us and asked us if we were alright. Even bought a few cabbages from me and the wife.” Old Heng chuckled. “A kind and gracious man, that Shen Qingqiu.”

That - that had never happened! Shen Jiu didn’t recall having saved a cabbage merchant from Fire Croco-oxen before.

Shen Jiu approached the man. “When was this?” he asked.

“Oh, just last week,” replied Old Heng.

“And you’re sure that they were Cang Qiong Mountain Sect cultivators?” persisted Shen Jiu.

“Of course I’m sure!” said Old Heng. “I recognised those Qing Jing uniforms as clear as day. Besides, who’d be fool enough to impersonate cultivators from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect and a Peak Lord to boot?”

There were sounds of assent from the crowd.

A chill ran down Shen Jiu’s spine. “But didn’t Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu die a few years back?” he asked.

Laughter rippled through the crowd. Shen Jiu flushed. He hated being laughed at.

“Where on earth did you hear that, A-Ping?” laughed Old Heng. “No, Shen Qingqiu’s not dead. He was still hale and hearty when I saw him last week.”

Shen Jiu opened his mouth to question the man further, but his mother tugged him away, clearly tired of the conversation. He clenched his fists. It seemed that while he was here, wasting his time, some demon or spirit had stolen his body and was now prancing about, up to gods-know-what. Yue Qi! Was Yue Qi in danger from this creature? He needed to get back to Qing Jing Peak immediately! He eyed his mother speculatively. Unfortunately, he would need her help to get back.

Shen Jiu waited until they were back in their apartment before he sprung his plan on his mother.

“Mother, I have a plan that will benefit both of us,” he announced.

“Oh?” she replied, setting the day’s groceries on the table. “What is it?”

He smirked. “Take me to Qing Jing Peak, and publicly claim that I am Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu’s son.”

It was his mother’s turn to choke on air. She turned to stare at him. “Are you INSANE?!” she screeched. “I can’t just go up to a Peak Lord of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect and claim that he sired a son on me! Especially when it’s not true! He’ll just say that he’s never seen me before in his life and that will be the end of that.”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. “Mother, everyone knows that Shen Qingqiu is a womaniser who frequents brothels all the time. Men like that would be hard pressed to remember all their past conquests’ faces, much less all their names.”

Never mind that he himself had never actually had intercourse with a woman before, Shen Jiu added silently. It wasn’t as if anyone else knew that.

His mother nibbled on her lip meditatively. “So, we con the man into giving us money to go away?”

“No, you hand me over to him and tell him that you’re giving me over as you can no longer raise me,” he answered.

His mother flinched..

“Oh come now, mother,” he laughed. “You and I both know that you’d rather me not around anymore.”

She looked away, cheeks flushed. She clearly hadn’t realised how obvious she had been the whole time.

“This way, you can be rid of me with a clear conscience,” he continued. “And I will get to enjoy all the wealth and privileges that come with being the son of a Peak Lord. Win-win for the both of us.”

She furrowed her brow and chewed on her lip again as she thought. “Alright, we’ll leave tomorrow,” she finally said.

Shen Jiu’s eyebrows flew upwards. Here he thought that it would take days to convince her. Clearly he had underestimated how much she wanted him gone. This was a good thing, he told himself. Now he’d get to the body thief faster. And if the body thief refused to take him in… well, he’d just have to go to Qiong Ding Peak and speak to Yue Qi and tell him everything. But he’d save that as a last resort. He’d rather handle the body thief himself. It was his body, after all.

They left for Qing Jing Peak early the next morning. Along the way, Shen Jiu’s mother managed to persuade a cart driver to let them hitch a ride. All through the journey, his mother worried at the loose thread hanging from her robes, eyes staring into the distance. Shen Jiu patted her arm comfortingly, which made her jump and earned him a half-hearted glare.

Well. He couldn’t blame her for being nervous over the whole thing. For any ordinary woman, publicly accusing a Peak Lord of being the father of your child would already be a daunting task. And even more so if you were aware that it was an untruth. Shen Jiu decided to leave his mother to her thoughts - no doubt she was rehearsing her words for the upcoming confrontation.

Finally, they reached the base of the stairs to Qing Jing Peak, with Shen Jiu held in his mother’s arms. He looked at the mountain and its steps appraisingly. Unsurprisingly, nothing had changed from the last time he’d seen the place. Suddenly, he found himself being lowered to the ground and a feminine hand slipped a sheet of paper into his top.

Shen Jiu whirled around to face his mother. “What are you doing?”

She smiled weakly at him as she slowly stepped away. “A-Ping is already so big and so smart,” she cooed. “He doesn’t need his old mother to do everything for him.”

He was only two in his current body. And she wasn’t even twenty yet. Hardly the definition of old!

“You-” he started.

“Good luck,” she added hastily and immediately fled in the direction they had originally come from. Shen Jiu could only helplessly watch her go. In this form, his legs were too short to catch up with her and he was too weak to stop her, even if he did somehow catch up to her.

Damn the woman! He had truly underestimated how badly she wanted to be rid of him. Shen Jiu made a face. Ah well, he supposed he should be grateful that she had actually brought him to Qing Jing Peak, instead of abandoning him in the wilderness. Somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to muster up any shreds of gratitude though.

Shen Jiu took out the paper his mother had left and read it. It was a simple note explaining that he was Shen Qingqiu’s son. She must have written it last night when he fell asleep. Clearly she’d never been meaning to confront Shen Qingqiu at all. He folded the paper and tucked it back into his shirt.

Shen Jiu eyed the stairs with trepidation. In his old body, even without using Xiu Ya, he could easily clear the stairs. In his current body however… Shen Jiu set his jaw. It was going to be a long, long climb. He’d better get to it.

______________________

Shen Jiu collapsed on the first landing, panting and sweating, all his limbs shaking from exhaustion. Whoever said that toddlers had boundless amounts of energy was a liar.
Catching his breath, he looked up at the hundreds of stairs still waiting for him to climb, and his body burst out in frustrated tears.

Great. Just what he had needed. Ah, well.

Shen Jiu knew from long experience that the only thing he could do when his weak baby body did things like this was to let it cry itself out. Then, he could take a nap and once that was done, embark on the next climbing-

A thud came from beside him and the next thing Shen Jiu knew, he was being swept up in an embrace. His face was pressed against silk robes and he smelled the familiar scent of Qing Jing soap. A hand rubbed his back soothingly while a familiar-yet-unfamiliar voice cooed reassurances to him. Being petted tended to calm the baby body so he was soon able to stop crying. At last, he pulled away from the figure and looked up at the thief that had stolen his body.

Soft was Shen Jiu’s first impression of the imposter. Oh, it was still his face, still his body dressed in his own clothes, but everything about the body thief gave the impression of warmth. Of approachability.

Back when Shen Jiu had been Shen Qingqiu, he’d taken great pains in appearing cold and aloof, the epitome of a regal untouchable immortal. Compared to this imposter…

How had no one immediately realised that this was an imposter? Had everyone in the sect gone blind and deaf? Or were they all just under the body thief’s spell?

Shen Jiu let the man take the note peeking from his top and watched as his face grew slack with shock as he read the contents. He then glared at an empty space in front of him for a minute before shaking his head and looking back at Shen Jiu.

Shen Jiu was painfully aware that they were alone with no witnesses around should the body thief decide to break his neck. And again, there was nothing he could do to stop it. Not for the first time, he cursed his weak child’s body, but instead of killing him, the body thief offered him a bun.

Poison? Did the body thief mean to kill him via poison-laced bun? Well, he’d have to try harder than that. Shen Jiu ignored the gurglings of his stomach and made no move to take it.

The body thief tore off a piece and popped it into his own mouth, still offering him the remainder. Ah. Probably not poison then. In retrospect, there were so many better ways for a grown man to off a baby than poison. Especially when he was unobserved.

Shen Jiu eyed the bun. It was unlikely that the bun was enchanted either, because who in their right mind would waste magic on a baby. He grabbed it before the body thief could change his mind and put it in his mouth. Shen Jiu’s eyes widened. This was one of the best bao he’d ever eaten! Or perhaps that was just the hunger talking. Either way, he ate the bun quickly. The body thief mutely offered him another one, which he devoured as well.

Once he was done eating, the body thief picked him up and made his way downwards, instead of upwards as Shen Jiu hoped. Clearly, the body thief was planning to dump him in an orphanage. It was better than the body thief snapping his neck and burying his corpse in an unmarked grave, but not by much. Well, give him a few years and he’d be climbing Qiong Ding Peak. He’d expose the body thief for the fake he was and then there’d be a reckoning!

________________________

It took the body thief taking him to look at cradles for Shen Jiu to realise that the body thief was planning to keep him instead of leaving him at the nearest orphanage as he had thought earlier. Shen Jiu hid a smirk against his side. It looked like the body thief had not only fallen for his mother’s note, but also had enough of a sense of responsibility to do his duty by him. Well, that made it all the easier for Shen Jiu to investigate him. None of the cradles seemed to be up to the body thief’s standards however, and they left without buying anything.

Next, the body thief took him to a bookstore. Shen Jiu would’ve dearly loved to poke around the books himself but alas, he had to stick to his role of Meek Obedient Child for now. Perhaps after regaining his body, he’d come back here. He watched as the body thief purchased a few fiction books for himself before carrying him off.

“What a pity they don’t have any books for babies here,” the body thief told him.

Shen Jiu blinked up at him. Books for babies? Who in their right mind would waste time and effort on making a book for sticky-fingered brats to drool, chew on and rip pages out of? He kept silent though as they continued walking. His decision to keep silent was sorely tested however when he had to watch as the body thief dropped - not one, not two, but six, SIX - silver coins into a street brat’s bowl. When Shen Jiu had been a street urchin begging for coins, he would have considered himself lucky if he saw a single silver coin in his bowl once a year. And this wastrel had just dropped six of them, as if it was no big deal! Just how badly in the red was his Peak with this spendthrift in charge anyway? He’d have to check the Peak’s accounts as soon as possible.

The body thief then took him to a clothing store, where he picked out clothes for Shen Jiu. As an experiment, Shen Jiu demanded a pale green robe. How would the body thief react to this? Would he simply ignore Shen Jiu, or just refuse his demands?

And apparently the answer was he’d simply agree to buy the robe. Huh.

As another experiment, Shen Jiu pointed to one of the robes that the body thief had already picked out - one in a particularly hideous shade of yellow. Was the body thief colourblind or simply lacking in taste? - and declared that he did not want the robe. Again, the body thief acquiesced to his demands and removed the offending garment from the pile.

(Shen Jiu mentally added “pushover” to the body thief’s list of characteristics. This might make the fool easier to deal with later on).

Next, they went to a toy store where the body thief proceeded to buy more toys for him than Shen Jiu had in both lifetimes combined. As Lai Ping, he only had a toy rattle that Granny Feng got for him, a wooden duck teething toy and a worn ragdoll that had clearly been his mother’s when she was a child herself. As Shen Jiu, the only proper toy he ever had was a wooden toy soldier that Yue Qi had found on a garbage heap and given to him. Its paint had been half-faded and most of its limbs were missing, but it had been his most treasured possession and he had guarded it fiercely from all comers.

One of the slavers had destroyed it as punishment for not making quota one day. He had mourned its loss for days afterwards.

(If the child he’d been once could see his haul now, he’d nearly die on the spot from sheer envy).

The body thief went on to buy more unnecessary items for Shen Jiu. He was really being very nice to him. Too nice, as a matter of fact. Shen Jiu needed to do something to crack that nice mask. Then and only then would he get a better picture of who (and what) he was dealing with. Shen Jiu grimaced. He could think of one way to do it, which would definitely be in character for a toddler, but oh, this was so humiliating.

He closed his eyes and let go of his bladder.

His actions earned a small shriek from the man carrying him. Shen Jiu braced himself for the hit he was sure to get, or at the very least, a huge scolding. Instead the body thief patted him on the head and told him not to worry.

What? Was the man serious?? No, wait. Of course. They were currently out in public. Of course the body thief wouldn’t want to tarnish his image by screaming at his newfound toddler son. No doubt he’d be in for it once they were behind closed doors.

But once the two of them were finally in the inn room, instead of being punished, the body thief took out some of the toys he’d bought for Shen Jiu to play with. Was the man serious?? Judging from that encouraging nod, apparently so. Huh. Shen Jiu had no idea how to play like a normal child, but he supposed one couldn’t go wrong with building towers.

The trouble started when the bathtub was brought in. Shen Jiu had expected the body thief to have one of the inn servants bathe him, but it seemed that he was planning to have them bathe together.

A chill ran down Shen Jiu’s spine. No, just no. He could tolerate the body thief carrying him about, but only because that was his own body. The idea of having a man’s naked flesh pressed against his own nude form made him sick to his stomach, even now. Shen Jiu clenched his fists and shook his head to the body thief’s coaxing. When the bastard finally lost his patience and tried to put him in the bathtub, he’d have a fight on his hands. Because Shen Jiu was going to scream and kick and claw and bite the entire way!

The body thief got him a stool to use in the tub so he could bathe himself. Shen Jiu blinked. That - well, he’d have preferred his own tub suitable to his size, but he’d accept this compromise.

Shen Jiu snuck a look at the body thief as he bathed. What was wrong with the man? No self-respecting demon or ghost would have pampered a newfound human baby to this extent. Even most human parents wouldn’t be this indulgent of their child! So why was this body thief so different? Shen Jiu shook himself. That didn’t matter - what was really important was how had the body thief taken over his body and what his plans were for it. And he’d get those answers for sure once they were back on Qing Jing Peak.

__________________________

Finally, they were on their way back home, with Shen Jiu seated in his own lap. (The less said about the diaper incident, the better). The body thief then asked him if he had a name. Shen Jiu had no real attachment to “Lai Ping”, so he only shrugged. Which of course gave the body thief the impression that he had no name, and tried to give him one, only all his choices were terrible.

”What about Shen Meng?

Like HELL was Shen Jiu going to agree to be named after the Bai Zhan brute, of all people! He rejected the name immediately. That seemed to have exhausted all of the man’s options and the rest of the trip was spent in silence.

As the carriage trundled on, Shen Jiu wondered if he should just confront the body thief outright. Sure, he could just lie low while he investigated the man, but that would take weeks if not months, and it was highly unlikely that the body thief would conveniently leave a diary lying around outlining all his nefarious plans for the rest of the sect. Also, the body thief was clearly too soft and stupid to get rid of him, even if he did know his true identity. Shen Jiu nodded. He’d do it after he had his dinner.

____________________

And here he was now, with his own face staring slack-jawed at him.

“Y-You-” the body thief pointed a finger at him. “You’re the original goods!”

Amazing. He actually possessed some amount of brains. Shen Jiu nodded.

“Why are you in your own son’s body?” screeched the body thief.

“I died,” retorted Shen Jiu. “Why are you in my body?”

“I died!” snapped the body thief. He flipped his - MY - fan open and started fanning himself furiously. “And then the next thing I know, I wake up in your body with a voice telling me to ‘try fixing things if I can’.”

Shen Jiu put his hands on his hips. “Fix what things?”

The body thief continued to fan himself. “In less than ten years, Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is going to be destroyed. And when I say destroyed, I mean even the mountains being reduced to rubble.” He started to pace. “Almost everyone is going to die horrible deaths. Ming Fan is going to get thrown into a pit filled with tens of thousands of ants and get bitten to death! Mu Qingfang is going to get crushed to death! You’re going to get turned into a human stick!”

Shen Jiu blinked. “I what?”

The body thief snapped the fan shut and pointed it at him. “Yue Qingyuan is going to be pierced to death by ten thousand arrows until not even bones remain, and it’s all your fault!”

That. That wasn’t - oh, he was never going to forgive Yue Qi for abandoning him to the Qius, but that didn’t mean he wished him any harm. Let alone murder him in such a way.

“You liar,” snapped Shen Jiu, clenching his fists so tight that the nails bit into his flesh. “I’d never ever hurt Yue Qi like that! You liar! You liar!”

“Huh.” The body thief’s eyes flicked to an empty space in front of him for a few seconds, and then he leaned over to lightly tap Shen Jiu on the head with his own fan. “Calm down. I didn’t say you killed him personally. It’s just-” He rubbed his forehead. “Remember what I said about you getting turned into a human stick?”

Shen Jiu nodded tersely.

“The person who did it sent your legs in a box to Yue Qingyuan. He came running to rescue you, ran smack into an ambush and died,” said the body thief.

Wait, Yue Qi did what?

“Why would he do that?” demanded Shen Jiu. Yue Qi hadn’t come to rescue him from the Qius, after all. Why would he try to rescue him when the stakes were even higher then?

“I don’t know, but he did.” The body thief frowned. “Well, will, I suppose.”

Shen Jiu narrowed his eyes at the body thief. “Who’s responsible for murdering Yue Qingyuan and destroying Cang Qiong Mountain Sect in the future?”

The body thief flipped his fan open again, covering the lower half of his face. “That’s the thing. I don’t know,” he admitted. “Only that it was someone you were cruel to.”

Someone he was cruel to? Shen Jiu cast his mind back. There were the urchins he’d fought in the streets (but they’d all been fighting over the same resources back then) and the town boy who’d wandered too far from his caretakers who Shen Jiu had robbed of both his coins and his bag of candy. (He and Yue Qi had gorged themselves full on those sweets that day). Qiu Haitang’s tear-streaked face came to mind, but Shen Jiu pushed it away. He didn’t count what he did back then as cruel. Let’s see now, he’d hurt many people when he was Wu Yanzi’s apprentice, but Wu Yanzi had been very… thorough when it came to disposing of witnesses. Then there were his own martial siblings, those rogue cultivators, that one waiter in the teahouse, that village headsman, those two scholars, the disciples he’d chased out of Qing Jing Peak and lastly, the beast.

Shen Jiu dismissed the beast outright. There was no way that pathetic wretch would ever come close to defeating Yue Qi, let alone becoming strong enough to destroy Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.

There were probably more people, but Shen Jiu couldn’t think of them right now. He looked up at the body thief. “There’s a lot of suspects.”

The body thief threw his hands up. “Gee, you think? I’ve been spending the past two years dealing with the repercussions of you being a complete asshole to everyone around you all while trying to prevent that future from happening.” He shuddered, his eyes going haunted for a moment. “I was already given a preview of my fate and I’d rather not go through the real thing, thanks.”

Shen Jiu nodded. That was quite understandable, really. “Since you’ve been in my body for two years, do you have any idea who the most likely suspects are?”

“No,” replied the body thief. Seeing Shen Jiu’s sceptical look, he threw his hands up again. “It’s not like the god who threw me in here gave me a list of everyone you’ve ever wronged throughout the years!”

The man was absolutely lying. Still, Shen Jiu hadn’t expected to get all the body thief’s secrets in one day. He still found it hard to believe that there was someone out there capable of taking down Cang Qiong with all of its ancient protections and generations of spiritual warding. Especially not now when Tianlang-Jun was sealed away.

But the body thief seemed to believe it. And if Yue Qi was in danger…

“Fine,” he snapped. “I’ll help you figure out who the culprit is.”

The body thief stared at him. “Wait, really?”

Shen Jiu folded his arms. “Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is my home, after all. I have a duty to it and my martial siblings. So yes, I’ll help.” He frowned. “Also, I can’t keep calling you ‘body thief’, what’s your real name?”

“Shen Yuan,” answered the man. “And no, I seriously doubt that we’re related in any way whatsoever. You’ll have to call me ‘baba’ when we’re in public though. Since you’re my son and all.”

Shen Jiu scoffed. “As if I’d want to be related to a body thief. But fine, baba it is, then.”

“Thank you,” said Shen Yuan. “Now, we’ve both had a long and tiring day, so I say we both go to bed. We can talk more tomorrow.”

Shen Jiu shrugged. “Fine by me. I’ll just take back my old bed. You can go sleep in the side room.”

The body thief snorted. “Nice try, but I’ll stick with my bed, thanks. We’ll just have to share.”

Shen Jiu glared at him. The body thief simply raised an eyebrow at him, clearly unwilling to budge on this subject.

“Fine,” he grumbled.

They both turned to look at the bed. Then-

“What’s with all this decadence?”

“What decadence? Those are just feather pillows!”

“Exactly what I said. I had a perfectly good porcelain pillow, what happened to that?”

“Having to use that thing for a week gave me a greater insight into why you’re Like This.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Besides, almost everyone uses them.”

“And almost everyone in this world is an idiot!”

Shen Jiu could not believe that he was actually agreeing with the body thief on something.

The body thief picked him up and placed him on one side of the bed.

“This is your side of the bed.” He sat down on the other side. “And this is mine. No coming over to my side of the bed.”

Shen Jiu sneered at him. “As if I’d want to cuddle with the likes of you.” He patted one of the pillows. “These things are far too soft,” he grumbled. “I’m going to be tossing and turning all night long.”

“That sounds like a you problem,” said Shen Yuan. “Meanwhile, I am going to sleep. Goodnight.”

Saying that, he flopped down on the bed, hugged one of the many pillows to his chest and closed his eyes.

Shen Jiu rested his head on his own pillow. It was still far too soft for his tastes. He doubted he was going to sleep a wink with this thing.

He was out like a candle in five minutes flat.

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu woke up in the morning and resisted the urge to scream into his pillow. The original goods had reappeared! As a toddler! And not just any toddler, he’d reincarnated as his son! Ahhhhh!!!

System, WTF is going on? What am I supposed to do now?

System is currently undergoing maintenance and cannot be reached for inquiry at the moment. Please do your best in the meantime, host! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

Fuck you and your shitty automated messages, System!

It looked like there was no chance of help from that direction. Not that Shen Qingqiu expected it to be of much help, but STILL! Having the original scum villain and the protagonist under one roof was a recipe for disaster!! Perhaps he should leave the toddler in an orphanage as he’d first thought?

But was it right to dump the scum villain in an orphanage, knowing full well how shitty they were? Especially now when he was a weak and helpless child, unable to protect himself from mistreatment? The answer was, of course not!

Also, the other orphans didn’t deserve to have someone like Shen Jiu inflicted on them.

Shen Qingqiu turned to look at the toddler. He was still sleeping peacefully, with one thumb stuck in his mouth. If you didn’t know any better, you wouldn’t think that this adorable little bun was the scum villain of Proud Immortal Demon Way, the wicked Shizun who had all the readers cheering when he finally got his just comeuppance.

Luckily, Shen Jiu had bought his lie of not knowing who was going to destroy Cang Qiong Mountain Sect in the future. He had only come up with it in the spur of the moment. He couldn’t let him know it was Binghe! The scum villain already hated him when he was a simple disciple, god knows what he’d do if he knew that Binghe was destined to destroy Cang Qiong Mountain Sect and turn him into a human stick! Not that Shen Qingqiu wanted him to do either of those things - he’d already taken steps to avert that fate by caring for Binghe and putting an end to the bullying.

(Luckily, Ming Fan wasn’t really a cruel child - just a boy desperate for his Shizun’s approval. Once Shen Qingqiu made it clear to him that bullying would no longer be tolerated on his Peak, he had not only stopped his own bullying behaviour, but also had enforced the ban on bullying, coming down hard on perpetrators even when they were his old lackeys).

Hopefully it would be enough that by the time Binghe claimed his heritage and became the Demon Emperor, he would look fondly at Shen Qingqiu and Cang Qiong. Hell, Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t mind being invited to all of Binghe’s future weddings and getting to cheer him on!

Just then, the toddler scum villain blinked his eyes open, meeting Shen Qingqiu’s gaze. He quickly pulled out the thumb that he had been sucking in his sleep, put it behind his back and glared at him as if daring him to comment on it.

“Good morning,” said Shen Qingqiu. “Did you sleep well?”

The glare only intensified.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then,” continued Shen Qingqiu. He got up from the bed. “I already arranged for breakfast, which should be arriving any time soon. Care to join me?”

The toddler sniffed, but climbed down from the bed. The kitchens had provided them with congee, which was hardly a patch on Binghe’s congee, but still edible. They both ate their breakfast in silence. After eating, Shen Jiu put his spoon down and looked at him.

“I want to take a look at the Peak’s accounts,” he announced. “No doubt you have been beggaring my peak with your extravagances, but I’d like to know how badly in the red we are.”

Oh, this was rich coming from the person who used to go to high-end brothels at least twice a month.

“Since when are a few feather pillows an ‘extravagance’?” argued Shen Qingqiu.

“I’m talking about yesterday as well, you idiot.”

“Those things were for you! As I recall, you never complained about my purchases then.”

“I was pretending to be a normal child back then. Of course I couldn’t say anything!”

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes. There was no point arguing with the original goods about this. He went to his study table, picked out the accounting books and the abacus, and placed them in front of the toddler scum villain. The original goods could knock himself out checking the accounts if he wanted. He was well aware that they were still within their budget for this season, after all.

“Have fun checking them out, them. I have to get ready for classes in the meantime,” he said.

Shen Jiu looked up at that. “A fool like you, teaching? Oh this I have to see.” He frowned back down at the accounting books. “After I’m done with the accounts.”

Well, that was fine with Shen Qingqiu. He certainly couldn’t leave the toddler scum villain alone in the bamboo house. Not just because it was child endangerment, but also because he wouldn’t put it past him to go snooping around and if he found out that Binghe was living in the side room, he would totally blow his top. Shen Qingqiu was aware that he’d have to break the news to him eventually, but just not now.

Shen Qingqiu washed up and got dressed. By the time he was done, the original goods had clearly finished checking the accounts, judging from the peevish expression on his face.

“Satisfied that we’re not in the red as you feared?” asked Shen Qingqiu dryly.

“Hmph!” said Shen Jiu. “It’s probably because we had a bigger budget than usual for this season.”

Shen Qingqiu was not going to tell the scum villain that he’d gotten a bigger budget by giving Yue Qingyuan the same puppy-dog eyes that he had used to use on his Da-ge, during the Peak Lords’ quarterly meeting. Much like Da-ge, Yue Qingyuan had folded like wet tissue paper, and granted his request.

“Well, if you want to come along, then you’d best get changed,” Shen Qingqiu pointed out.

The original goods made a face but nodded.

Once the original goods was dressed and ready, they both walked to the lecture hall together. Shen Qingqiu took smaller steps so that he could keep apace with the toddler. Still, they were going far slower than he expected. He glanced at the toddler next to him. Wait, was he - he was! He was deliberately taking baby steps just to force him to slow down even more! How petty of him. Just like the scum villain to be so petty!

Well, the joke was on him. He didn’t mind taking his time walking to the lecture hall - if only because he wanted to procrastinate having to explain to his disciples that he had a son. God knows what they’d think of him fathering an illegitimate child.

At last, they were finally at the lecture hall. The disciples stood up to greet Shen Qingqiu, but upon seeing him with a toddler, they abandoned all propriety and rushed over excitedly. Shen Jiu shrank against his robes upon seeing the disciples swarming towards them. Impulsively, Shen Qingqiu picked him up and put him on his hip.

“Shizun! Shizun!” cried the disciples as they surrounded him. “Is this your son? He looks so cute!”

Ning Yingying pushed away the people in her way to stand in front of Shen Qingqiu. She excitedly tugged on his sleeve and asked, “Shizun, when did you have a son? Does he have a name?”

Shen Qingqiu froze. Shit, they hadn’t decided on a name earlier.

The scum villain toddler smiled at her. “Yuan-er!” he chirped.

Wait, Yuan-er?? WTF was the original goods thinking?!

Ning Yingying clapped her hands in joy. “Shizun’s son’s name is Yuan-er! It suits him so well, Shizun!”

Shen Qingqiu cleared his throat. “Alright everyone, back to your seats. Yes, this is my son. His mother can’t care for him anymore so he’ll be staying with me from now on.”

“Shizun, who’s his mother?” asked one of the other disciples.

Ah, he knew someone was going to ask that. Fortunately, he knew just how to deal with that. Shen Qingqiu pulled out his fan, covered the lower half of his face with it and replied, “I’m afraid that’s personal.”

Ming Fan puffed himself up. “You heard Shizun!” he roared. “He doesn’t have to tell any of you who the mother of his son is!”

Ming Fan’s eyes darted back to Shen Qingqiu, clearly hoping for approval. Well, he did appreciate the backup. He nodded at the boy in thanks. Ming Fan stood up a little straighter at that.

Once all the disciples had taken back their seats, Shen Qingqiu hitched the toddler on his hip a little higher.

“Yuan-er? Seriously?” He muttered to the toddler.

“You take my name, I’ll take yours, body thief,” the original goods whispered back.

Shen Qingqiu wanted to roll his eyes again, but alas, he was currently in public and he had an image as the cool elegant immortal to uphold. The scum villain really was so fucking petty. He put the matter aside. Right now, he had a class to teach.

______________________

Shen Jiu had to grudgingly admit that the body thief did know his subject. He went on and on about Ghost Head Spiders, their habitat, how to differentiate between the sexes, their mode of attack, how to deal with them and so on and so forth.

Most of the disciples were paying close attention to the lecture. Ning Yingying on the other hand, was more interested in making funny faces at him whenever he looked in her direction.

Shen Jiu’s eyes softened when he looked at her. Ah, Ning Yingying. She had never been the smartest of his students, but she was so bright and cheerful that even scum like him couldn’t help but enjoy her presence. Doting on her had made him feel like a father favouring a beloved daughter - only better, because any child born of his flesh would only be as cold and as cruel as him.

Shen Jiu gave her a small wave. She grinned and waved back. The disciple sitting beside her nudged her and jerked his head in the direction of the body thief. Ning Yingying immediately put on a more studious expression and turned her face towards her Shizun.

Disciple Wong raised his hand and asked an asinine question. The body thief patiently answered him.

Two other disciples started whispering in the class, all while sneaking him looks. The body thief only chided them lightly for it.

Shen Jiu shook his head slowly. The body thief really was too lenient! If it were him, he would’ve verbally lashed Disciple Wong up and down for asking such a stupid question. And no one would have dared to talk in his class for fear of a whipping.

Looking around the lecture hall, Shen Jiu couldn’t see the beast anywhere. He couldn’t see the body thief allowing even the filthy creature to continue to be pushed around by the rest of the Peak, much less mistreat him himself. Likely, the beast had already left the Peak - or better yet, he was already dead by now. Perhaps that faulty cultivation book he’d been given had finally done him in! Shen Jiu’s toddler body wriggled in pleasure at that thought.

Once the lecture was done, the body thief took the disciples for a sword fighting class, putting Shen Jiu down on the ground before he started teaching. Shen Jiu narrowed his eyes when the body thief took out Xiu Ya to demonstrate a move.

All right, so perhaps everyone in the sect wasn’t brain dead to accept the body thief as himself. No ordinary ghost or demon would be able to use his spirit sword with impunity. Nor would they be able to demonstrate Qing Jing cultivation techniques. “Shen Qingqiu” had suffered a qi deviation. Qi deviations could be odd things. He had heard of qi deviations which could temporarily revert the afflicted’s body back to childhood. It also wasn’t uncommon for qi deviations to cause memory loss. Hell, Shen Jiu himself had come out of qi deviations before only to find out that he had lost a day or more’s worth of memories. Who was to say that a qi deviation couldn’t cause severe memory loss and a massive personality change?

Still, Shen Jiu couldn’t help but seethe, watching the body thief move. That was his sword and those were his hard-earned cultivation techniques! How was it fair that a complete stranger got to waltz into his body and get to profit from all his hard work over the years to build up his swordsmanship and cultivation? Perhaps the body thief wasn’t lying when he said a god had put him in Shen Jiu’s body. He’d always thought that if the gods truly existed, then they were likely to be cruel, capricious things seeing mortals as playthings for their own amusement. He could definitely see such a being throwing a stranger into his body for the sheer fun of it. Fix things? Hah! If that was true, the god would have told the body thief who was actually going to bring down Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. No doubt it wanted to see the body thief scurry about trying to find the perpetrator, knowing full well his fate if he failed. Well, the god hadn’t counted on Shen Jiu then. Because he wasn’t going to let Yue Qi the sect die. Not on his watch!

Even if it meant working together with the body thief, and calling him “baba”. Even if it meant having to pretend to be a normal child in front of others. He’d do it, if only to spite that god.

______________________

Once Shen Qingqiu was done teaching for the day, he remembered that he had a crib to get for the toddler scum villain. He picked up the original goods, walked over to Ming Fan and put him in his arms.

“Ming Fan, watch over Yuan-er for me for a while,” he ordered. “I have things to do.”

“What things?” demanded Shen Jiu, turning around in Ming Fan’s arms to look at him. “I’m coming too.”

“No, you’re staying here with Ming-gege,” replied Shen Qingqiu. God knows what the original goods would think of modern cribs. Better to get it first before he could object. He patted him on the head. “Be good, alright. Baba will be back soon.”

The toddler looked as if he’d like to bite off his hand.

Ming Fan puffed out his chest. “Shizun, I will take good care of your son while you’re away.”

Shen Qingqiu smiled at him. “I have no doubt that you will, Ming Fan.”

The other disciples were starting to gather around Ming Fan, clearly wanting to get a closer look at their Shizun’s son. The original goods didn’t seem to appreciate this sudden popularity judging from the glare he was giving them. Well, that was his problem. In the meantime, Shen Qingqiu had a modern crib to commission.

He took the rainbow bridge to An Ding Peak and from there, went to the workshop section. It wasn’t too hard for the carpenters to understand what he wanted from the sketch he made for them.

“Is there anything you’d like to add to this ‘crib’, Peak Lord Shen?” asked one of them.

Shen Qingqiu looked over at the sketch. “On second thought, make the bars taller.”

The carpenters informed him that it would take about a week for them to make the crib. Once that was done, Shen Qingqiu headed back to his Peak. He returned to find Ning Yingying tightly hugging the toddler scum villain, his face pressed against her chest. Shen Qingqiu was abruptly reminded that the original goods had sexually harrassed Ning Yingying in PIDW. His temper flared. Toddler or no, he was NOT going to let the original goods get away with the same sexual harrassment he had done before. Despite his anger, he put on a neutral face as he approached them. He didn’t want Ning Yingying to think she had done something wrong.

Ning Yingying looked up as he came closer. “Shizun!” she called.

He took the toddler from her. The original goods’ face was flushed. No doubt he had enjoyed snuggling up against Ning Yingying. Well, Shen Qingqiu wasn’t going to let him get away with that in the future.

“I’ll take that back. Thank you for looking after him, Ning Yingying,” he said.

Ning Yingying beamed up at him. “It was no trouble at all, Shizun. Yuan-er and I had fun playing together, didn’t we, Yuan-er?” She reached out and pinched the toddler’s cheek, making him yelp.

“He was very well-behaved, Shizun,” added Ming Fan, who was standing close by.

“I’m glad to hear that,” replied Shen Qingqiu. “Now, Yuan-er must surely be hungry after all that playing, so I’m taking him back to the bamboo house. You two should go eat too.”

“Yes, Shizun,” said Ming Fan and Ning Yingying in unison, and they both headed off to the lunch hall.

Shen Qingqiu turned around and strode back to his house. Once they were out of sight from the disciples, the toddler scum villain wriggled in his arms.

“Put me down now!” demanded the toddler. “I can walk by myself!”

“No,” replied Shen Qingqiu, holding him tight despite his struggles. “We need to talk, you and I.”

The original goods must have sensed his mood, because he stopped struggling and kept silent throughout their walk. Finally, they reached the house and Shen Qingqiu closed the door before putting the scum villain down, albeit a little rougher than he normally would.

Once that was done, he pointed a finger at the original goods. “Do not even think of sexually harrassing Ning Yingying. I don’t care that you’re two now, if you even think of trying anything funny-”

The toddler scum villain recoiled. “She’s sixteen!” he squawked, obvious disgust lacing those two words. “Whatever put such a revolting thought in your head, body thief?”

That made Shen Qingqiu pause. The original goods might be putting an act on here, but somehow he didn’t think so. He thought back of those passages in PIDW regarding Shen Qingqiu and Ning Yingying. From what he recalled, the original goods had liked to keep Ning Yingying close and either chased away or punished Luo Binghe every time he caught the two together. The Luo Binghe of PIDW had seen this as an older man, possessive of his love interest, and jealous of any potential rivals.

But if you looked at it in another way, wasn’t it like an overprotective father, trying to keep wild pigs away from his precious cabbage? He tried to remember further, but the only time sexual harrassment had actually come up was at Shen Qingqiu’s trial and the one that had brought it up was the post-Endless Abyss Luo Binghe, not Ning Yingying herself. Huh. And now he was starting to feel bad for all the times he called for Shen Qingqiu’s castration in the comments.

The toddler scum villain crossed his arms and tapped one foot against the floor. “Well? Because if it was from earlier, then any idiot could see that she was the one hugging me to her chest.” He coughed. “Tell her not to do that again. It’s very uncomfortable.”

Shen Qingqiu snuck a peek at the System. Yup, still undergoing maintenance. Oh well, might as well tell him.

“In six years from now, Shen Qingqiu will be put on trial. One of the charges is sexual harrassment of Ning Yingying,” he told him.

The original goods looked as if he’d bitten into a lemon. “I can see why they thought that,” he said slowly. “Even if it isn’t true. What are the other charges?”

“The murder of the Qiu household, for one,”

Shen Jiu grimaced, but nodded.

“The crimes you committed as Wu Yanzi’s apprentice.”

Another nod.

“Going to brothels.”

This earned a snort. “If that’s a crime, then at least a third of the men in the jianghu should be under trial as well,” said the original goods dryly.

Eh, he had a point there.

“Abuse of your disciples.”

The toddler scum villain rolled his eyes.

Now that made Shen Qingqiu’s temper flare again. “Don’t you roll your eyes like that, young man! This is SERIOUS!”

He jabbed his finger at the scum villain again. “I mean, you deliberately poured hot tea on a child! You had your disciples whipped for any minor mistake or wrongdoing! You not only turned a blind eye to bullying on your peak, you actively encouraged it!”

He glared at him. “And don’t you DARE say that you were just being a tough teacher. You and I both know that’s not true. Not when you deliberately gave Luo Binghe a defective cultivation manual.”

The original goods sneered. “The beast deserved it.”

Shen Qingqiu wanted to shake him until all his teeth rattled.

“He was twelve years old!” retorted Shen Qingqiu. “ He could have died horribly! No child deserved THAT!”

They both glared at each other. The toddler scum villain was the first to look away.

“Were there any other charges?” he asked.

Shen Qingqiu wanted to tear his hair out in frustration. Had it not been for the protagonist halo, Binghe would’ve long since died, bleeding from the seven apertures of his head with all his limbs rupturing from a massive qi deviation. And this scum villain wasn’t even the least bit sorry! Ah, what was he expecting? In PIDW, the original goods had never once apologised for his actions, not even after Luo Binghe had ripped his limbs off.

Shen Qingqiu closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself. And then another. And another. Finally, when he felt sufficiently calm, he opened his eyes and said, “The last charge is your murder of Liu Qingge.”

Now, this made the toddler scum villain choke. “I WHAT?!” he squawked, eyes wide open. “How? Did the god give you any details?”

“The two of you were cultivating in the Lingxi Caves. He died. And since you were the only other one in the caves at the time - and everyone knew how much you hated him - it was believed that you killed him,” he answered.

“Huh,” said Shen Jiu. He looked into the distance, clearly lost in thought. Then he nodded. “I didn’t do it.”

Shen Qingqiu raised an eyebrow. “Oh? How can you be so certain that you didn’t?”

“Because if I ever killed the brute, I wouldn’t be stupid enough to let myself get caught at the scene of the crime,” snapped the original goods. “Didn’t anyone investigate to find out what really happened, or did they just go ‘oh Shen Qingqiu definitely did it, case closed, let’s put him on trial for murder’?”

Shen Qingqiu thought back to that part in PIDW. “People wanted to do a proper investigation, but Zhangmen-shixiong shut it down.”

“Of course he did,” snarled the toddler.

He paced back and forth for a while.

“He does this all the time, you know?” He suddenly burst out. “Ever since we were disciples, everytime something happened and I got the blame for it, whether rightfully or wrongfully, that idiot would pop up and go ‘oh I’m sure Qingqiu-shidi had his reasons’ and then he’d give his stupid look-what-a-helpful-shixiong-I-am smile.”

He threw his hands up. “As if he hadn’t just announced to everyone there that I was guilty of the thing! As if he hadn’t made things worse for me! As if he hadn’t added more fuel to the theory that I must be blackmailing him somehow because there’s no other reason that the good, kind, upright Yue Qingyuan would ever defend scum like me!”

The toddler was practically shaking with emotion. Much the same way he had when he accused Shen Qingqiu of being a liar yesterday. Oh, there was definitely a Shared Backstory between him and Yue Qingyuan. Of course, everyone had suspected it since the chapter featuring Yue Qingyuan’s death where he had died going to the scum villain’s rescue. The comment threads for that chapter was rife with speculation about what was between the two, but fucking Airplane-Shooting-Towards-The-Sky had never given an explanation. Goddamnit, Airplane! This backstory between the sect leader and the scum villain would’ve been a HELL lot more interesting to read, rather than the millionth scene of papapa!

“So, in the cases where you weren’t guilty of doing the thing, did you ever try to explain yourself?” asked Shen Qingqiu, deciding to change the subject.

“Are you an idiot? Are you even listening to what I said?” retorted Shen Jiu. “I just told you that Yue Qingyuan pretty much told everyone I was guilty! Who was going to take my word over his?”

“You didn’t even try,” marvelled Shen Qingqiu. He flicked his fan open. “Well, from my two years of experience being you, I can tell you that your martial siblings are a lot more reasonable than you think. And all it took was talking to them and being nice. I mean, Liu-shidi and I are friends now! And apparently you two used to fight all the time before this.”

The toddler scum villain stuck a finger in his ear and swirled it about. “I must’ve heard you wrong. Could you repeat that?”

“Liu-shidi and I are friends now,” repeated Shen Qingqiu.

The toddler scum villain stared at him. “The Bai Zhan brute hates me! He’s hated me since we were disciples! How the HELL did you get him to change his mind?”

“Well,” started Shen Qingqiu. “It started when we were cultivating in the Lingxi Caves together. I found him having a qi deviation and-“

“Hah!” crowed the original goods, interrupting him. “I knew I didn’t kill him! The moron died of a qi deviation and I got the blame for it. Typical!”

That did make sense. If Shen Qingqiu had been too far to hear Liu Qingge’s painful wheezing, if he had been too far to feel the spiritual fluctuations, then-

Shen Qingqiu whacked the original goods over the head with his fan, albeit a lot more gently than he wanted to due to the fact that he was currently a toddler.

“You fucking stupid scum villain!” he yelled. “You could have proven your innocence then by just telling your martial siblings that you didn’t kill him and demand to be given the nectar from the Tell-Me-No-Lies flower to prove it! Drinking the nectar of that flower compels the drinker to answer questions honestly for a sichen! You could have cleared your name then!”

“You’re the stupid one, body thief!” retorted the toddler scum villain, rubbing his head. “Do you think that flower’s so easy to get? It only grows in the Wine Dark Cave, which is over a hundred miles away and not only that, the place is crawling with ferocious manticores. Nobody would’ve trusted me to go get it myself and nobody would’ve cared enough to go through all that trouble on my behalf! Not when it’s so much easier to pin the death on me!”

“Zhangmen-shixiong might’ve gone,” offered Shen Qingqiu.

The toddler scum villain laughed bitterly. “That man has never risked anything on my behalf before and likely never will.”

Yup, definitely a Shared Backstory there.

The toddler scum villain shook himself. “Anyway, what were you saying about the brute’s qi deviation?”

“Ah, right,” said Shen Qingqiu. “I pulled him out of it, and then I told him that I had been doing some thinking and that it was time for us to bury the hatchet and be a pair of model martial brothers.”

“And the brute didn’t spit blood at such nonsense?” asked the original goods incredulously.

“Actually, he did vomit some blood, but I think that was more from the qi deviation,” replied Shen Qingqiu. “And no, he didn’t buy it immediately. But shortly after that, we fought off a demonic invasion together and then he decided that since I didn’t have any ghostly qi on me, I must not be possessed. We started hanging out together afterwards and then we became friends.”

The toddler scum villain shook his head slowly. “I always knew the brute was stupid, but I didn’t think he was this stupid. How has he not been conned of all his money already?”

“By not talking to merchants?” hazarded Shen Qingqiu.

“You’re probably right,” agreed the toddler. He started counting off his fingers. “Alright, the brute didn’t die, so that’s one charge off the list. The disciples are being coddled instead, so that’s another one off. As for Ning Yingying-“

“I make sure that I’m never alone with her in a room, nor am I inappropriate with her, so that’s out too,” added Shen Qingqiu. “‘Shen Qingqiu’ hasn’t gone to any brothels since I took over, so that charge might be lessened. Which leaves us with the charges of murder of the Qiu household and crimes under Wu Yanzi.”

“You mean that leaves you saddled with those charges,” corrected the original goods. “I assume you have some suspects regarding who’s behind all this by now?”

“Er…”

“Seriously, body thief?!”

“Well-“

“Oh, we are so screwed.”

Chapter Text

“-and that should be the last thing on the agenda today,” concluded Yue Qingyuan. “Any questions?”

Shen Qingqiu resisted the urge to give a sigh of relief. Finally, the meeting was done and he could go home!

“I have a question,” said Qi Qingqi. She leaned towards Shen Qingqiu, eyes gleaming. “Shen Qingqiu, what’s this I hear about you having a son?”

All the other Peak Lords turned towards Shen Qingqiu, faces bright with curiosity.

Shen Qingqiu again resisted the urge to sigh. He should have known that the news had already spread to his martial siblings. Gossip flew so swiftly here.

“Yes, I have a son,” he answered. “His name is Shen Yuan, but we all call him Yuan-er. He’s two years old. No, I don’t know who his mother is, other than she left him on the Qing Jing staircase with a note claiming me as the father.”

Shen Qingqiu scowled, thinking of that. Knowing that the toddler was actually the original goods with his memory still intact, gave him a better understanding of why his mother would choose to abandon him, but STILL!

Goddamnit, lady! He might be the scum villain reincarnated, but isn’t he still the child you bore and raised for two years? Where is all your maternal instinct??

The Ku Xing Peak Lord cleared his throat. “Shen-shixiong, I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but ah, considering the female company you used to keep, there’s a good chance that this child might not be your son by blood.”

He had a point there. It was likely that the original goods’ mother in this lifetime was a prostitute, considering how often the scum villain used to frequent brothels. And DNA testing didn’t exist in PIDW. Well okay, there was that Blood Pool of Ancestry in the Demonic Realm which could reveal your bloodlines if you dropped three drops of blood in it, which was how Luo Binghe had discovered his relationship to Tianlang-Jun and Su Xiyan in the novel, but the Human Realm had no such pools or similar devices.

“It doesn’t matter,” he replied. “I’ve taken him in and claimed him as my own. And that’s all there should be to it.”

Some of the other Peak Lords nodded in agreement. Was it just him, or did Yue Qingyuan look a little misty-eyed at his words?

“Well said, Qingqiu-shidi,” praised Yue Qingyuan. “It’s very kind of you to take in an abandoned child.”

Shen Qingqiu had no idea how to respond to that, so he just covered the lower half of his face with his fan. He still felt very awkward so he hurriedly wished his martial siblings farewell and walked towards Qing Jing Peak.

He hadn’t gone very far when he realised that most of the other Peak Lords were following him. WTF?!

“Zhangmen-shixiong, fellow shidi and shimei, this doesn’t seem to be the direction to return to your peaks?” he said kindly.

“That’s because we weren’t going back to our peaks in the first place,” replied Qi Qingqi.

“We want to see your son, Shen-shixiong,” chimed in Yong Qinglin, Peak Lord of Zui Xian Peak.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

“He’s very shy and not used to strangers. I don’t want you to scare him,” Shen Qingqiu told them.

“We’ll be very gentle,” replied Wei Qingwei. “It’s only for a short time anyway.”

Shen Qingqiu tried again. “The bamboo house is simple and crude, improper for receiving guests.”

“We know your bamboo house is simple and crude. We just want to see this child of yours,” retorted Qi Qingqi.

Oh shit! Shen Qingqiu looked at Yue Qingyuan beseechingly. Zhangmen-shixiong, please help your shidi out!

Yue Qingyuan smiled. “Don’t worry, Qingqiu-shidi. We won’t be long.”

That’s not what I’m worried about! Zhangmen-shixiong, why are you suddenly so useless today?

“Enough of this nonsense!” cried the Peak Lord of Ku Xing Peak. “Are you afraid we’ll eat up the little bit of tea leaves you have left? Let’s go, let’s go!”

Shen Qingqiu had no choice but to let his martial siblings come along.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck! The original goods was definitely going to spill the beans once he saw the others! And where would that leave him once that happened? Imprisoned somewhere while the Peak Lords tried to figure out how to switch their bodies? He could think of two body-swapping plot devices in PIDW. One was the Yin-Yang Amulet in that one temple in the Demonic Realm, which had accidentally swapped the bodies of wives #69 and #96. The cure had been - you guessed it - papapa with Luo Binghe! Then there was that trickster spirit that had body swapped Luo Binghe and Mobei-Jun. Now that had resolved on its own, at the most plot-convenient time, much to the ire of a certain subgroup of fans who had been hoping for some Luo Binghe/ Mobei-Jun action. Anyway, what he meant was both plot devices would be difficult to get, which meant that he could be imprisoned for YEARS! Ahhhh!!!

As the group neared the bamboo house, Shen Qingqiu wildly wondered if he could signal Ning Yingying, who he had left to babysit the original goods - with strict orders not to mention Luo Binghe to him nor let him into the side room - to run away with him. Or maybe he could just quickly open the door and lock it in their face. Yeah, perhaps that would work.

But just as he opened his front door, Qi Qingqi, followed by the others, immediately shoved past him. All of them stared at the toddler scum villain.

Ning Yingying had clearly been playing dress-up doll with “Yuan-er”, with him as the doll. She had even put his hair up in two little buns, which made him look rather-

“Cute!!!” squealed both Qi Qingqi and Yong Qinglin. Qi Qingqi immediately swooped down on the toddler and scooped him up. She then proceeded to kiss and cuddle him. She wasn’t the only one of Shen Qingqiu’s martial siblings who wanted to play with the toddler. Shen Qingqiu’s eye twitched. He wasn’t surprised to see this kind of behaviour from his shimeis, but Wei Qingwei? You too?! Even Yue Qingyuan had a wistful look on his face, as if he too wanted to join in on the cuddling, kissing and cheek-pinching session, but wasn’t sure if he was allowed.

(Also, why was the traitor, Shang Qinghua, staring at the toddler like that?)

The toddler scum villain on the other hand, clearly wasn’t enjoying this sudden outpouring of affection from his martial siblings, judging from the shrieking and flailing. At any second now, there’d be-

“Ow! He bit me!”

Yup, there it was.

Shen Qingqiu rescued everyone in this scenario by plucking the original goods out of Yong Qinglin’s arms. The toddler immediately let go of Wei Qingwei’s hand in favour of burying his face in Shen Qingqiu’s neck, no doubt looking like the picture of a scared, overwhelmed child to the others - if one didn’t know about the pinching.

Shen Qingqiu ignored the pinching. Honestly, his Meimei used to pinch harder. Instead he drew himself up to his full height, and addressed his martial siblings, “Shame on all of you! He’s a little boy, not a teddy bear to be cuddled whenever you please! I know my son is so cute that it makes you want to squish him-“ pinch, pinch “-and he has round cheeks that are begging to be squeezed-“an extra hard pinch here “-but you can’t treat him like this.”

His martial siblings all seemed abashed by his words, either looking away or at their feet.

“Sorry, Shen-shixiong,” offered Wei Qingwei meekly, still rubbing his bitten hand.

“Apology accepted,” replied Shen Qingqiu. He then cleared his throat. “Anyway, it’s time for Yuan-er’s nap, so I’m going to have to ask all of you to leave.” He nodded at Ning Yingying. “Thank you for taking care of Yuan-er while I was busy, but you should go as well.”

“Alright, Shizun. Bye Yuan-er!” said Ning Yingying cheerfully. She made a small bow to her martial aunts and uncles before running off.

The Peak Lords were a little harder to get rid of, but Shen Qingqiu finally managed to push them out the door. He closed the door and breathed a sigh of relief, only to turn around and see Liu Qingge.

“Ah, Liu-shidi. Why are you still here?” he asked.

“Shen Qingqiu, have you forgotten that it’s time for me to cleanse your meridians of Without-A-Cure?”

Ah, he had forgotten.

The toddler scum villain’s head immediately jerked up. “Without-A-Cure? What Without-A-Cure?”

Shen Qingqiu mentally winced. Oh, the original goods was not going to like this one bit.

“Well, Without-A-Cure is a poison that has no cure,” he started.

The original goods gave him a look that, had he been in his original body, would likely have been able to strip skin from flesh. The effect was greatly lessened by the fact that he was currently a baby. In fact, it made him look rather… adorable.

Not that he was telling Shen Jiu that.

“Anyway, there was a demonic invasion last year, and one of the demons had coated his spiked armour with Without-A-Cure poison. I accidentally got myself pricked on it and ended up poisoned,” he continued.

“He got himself poisoned protecting one of his disciples,” added Liu Qingge.

The toddler scum villain’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, did he now?” he said in a deceptively soft tone.

Thanks a lot for your help, Liu-shidi. Now I’m going to get it once you leave.

He put the original goods down and sat with Liu Qingge at the table. He gave Liu Qingge his wrist, and let him get on with cleansing his meridians. The toddler scum villain sat beside him, but Shen Qingqiu avoided looking at him. Still, he could feel his burning gaze on him.

It was all too soon that Liu Qingge was done. Shen Qingqiu flexed his hand, feeling lighter than he had in days. Getting his meridians cleansed always felt as if a burden had suddenly been lifted off his shoulders.

“Thank you, Liu-shidi,” he murmured.

Liu Qingge only grunted in reply. He then pulled out one of Shen Qingqiu’s fans from his sleeve.

“You left this behind in the meeting room,” he said gruffly.

Ah, he’d forgotten again. Good thing he had Liu Qingge around to pick them up for him, or he’d be short a good number of fans already.

He smiled up at the man. “Thanking Liu-shidi once again for your help.”

Liu Qingge grunted again. He then got up to leave.

“Would Liu-shidi like some tea before you leave?” Shen Qingqiu blurted out.

Liu Qingge paused, and then shook his head. “I have things to do.”

Damnit! He’d been hoping to put off the scolding he was bound to get from the toddler scum villain just a little longer. Oh well.

Shen Qingqiu got up and opened the door for Liu Qingge, and wished him goodbye. The original goods came to stand by his side to see Liu Qingge off. As soon as he was out of sight, the original goods kicked him in the shins. Hard.

“Ow!”

The toddler scum villain continued to kick him in the shins. “I cannot believe that you got my body poisoned! My body! With Without-A-Cure, of all things! Of all the stupid, idiotic, witless-”

“It’s not like I got myself poisoned on purpose,” protested Shen Qingqiu.

“No, you got it by playing hero,” replied the original goods, still seething with rage. “All my years of hard work cultivating, gone down the drain because a total moron just had to get my body poisoned!”

“Well, I couldn’t let that demon hurt our disciple. It’s a teacher’s duty to protect his students, after all.”

The toddler scum villain put his hands on his hips. “Was the disciple Ning Yingying?”

“Well no, but-”

“Then you should have let whoever-it-was get hit instead of getting MY body poisoned!”

If the toddler scum villain knew that it was Luo Binghe, he’d blow his top for sure. Shen Qingqiu resolved to never tell him that.

He put his hands out to try and calm the toddler scum villain. “Alright, alright, I should have been more careful, I admit it. But what’s done is done, right?”

The original goods paused - and then kicked him in the shins again.

“Also, why did you bring that lot over?” he asked, rubbing his pinched cheeks.

“They were very keen to meet you,” replied Shen Qingqiu dryly.

“So what? Why didn’t you tell them no and to get lost?”

“How was I to tell them that? And what about you? I thought for sure that you were going to tell them everything!”

The original goods gestured to himself. “Like this? That lot would never let me live it down, not if we all lived a thousand years!”

Eh, he had a point there. Not that all of them would. Yue Qingyuan and Mu Qingfang certainly wouldn’t. But Qi Qingqi and Liu Qingge? Oh, they would never, ever let the original goods forget about this.

The toddler scum villain paced back and forth. “Anyway, I’ve been thinking about who’s going to destroy the sect in the future. And I’ve come up with a few suspects. First on the list is Tianlang-Jun.”

He waved a finger at Shen Qingqiu. “I know what you’re thinking. ‘Oh, Tianlang-Jun’s been imprisoned under Bailu Mountain for years now. How could he destroy Cang Qiong Mountain Sect from there?’ Well, it’s possible that the monster somehow escapes his prison in the future, or someone manages to free him. Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is too powerful for any normal demon to destroy, but Tianlang-Jun might be capable of it. Even in an ambush, that monster needed all the four major sects to defeat him, and even then it wasn’t easy. I can definitely see that creature wanting revenge on all the sects once he’s free. And that includes Cang Qiong.”

He turned to face Shen Qingqiu. “And now you’ll go ‘oh but the god that put me here said that the culprit had a personal grudge against Shen Qingqiu. Shen Jiu, what did you do to him?’ And the answer to that is… nothing! I was merely support during that fight and only saw the creature from a distance. Hardly special at all to him. But his strength and grudge against the sects could lead the true culprit to ally with him to seek revenge on me.”

Shen Qingqiu raised an eyebrow. “And that person is?”

“Fa Meilien!” declared the toddler scum villain triumphantly.

Fa Meilien, Fa Meilien, why did that name sound so famil- oh, right! She was a woman who had left her unnamed cultivation sect to marry a noble. Her son had then taken over the title after her husband’s death until he was tragically murdered. She had sought out Luo Binghe and begged him for his aid in finding and bringing her son’s murderer to justice. Cue Great God Airplane’s shoddy attempts at writing a murder mystery, featuring Fa Meilien falling into a patch of fuckweed (god, he had wanted to reach into the computer and throttle the author for that name), resulting in papapa with Luo Binghe. Blah, blah, stuff happening, murderer turns out to be her son’s cousin (which was so obvious by the way), confrontation happens, insert villainous speech type #8 here, Luo Binghe kills him, more papapa happens and Fa Meilien enters the harem as wife #101 and was never seen again.

“But, why would she have a grudge against you?” wondered Shen Qingqiu.

The original goods folded his arms. “Simple. Because she was my shijie. But more importantly, it’s because she was supposed to be Head Disciple of Qing Jing Peak before I came along.”

Eh?

Fa Meilien was the scum villain’s shijie?! WTF?!

“Seriously?” asked Shen Qingqiu.

“Well, at least that’s what everyone thought back then,” amended the toddler scum villain. “She certainly thought so. You should have seen her back then, swanning about the place, giving herself airs and ordering people around.”

He broke into a smirk. “Oh, you should have seen the look on her face when Shizun announced me as Qing Jing Peak’s Head Disciple.” He laughed. “If looks could kill, I’d have died on the spot!”

“And I’m sure that you were perfectly gracious in your victory and gave her no further reason to resent you,” said Shen Qingqiu dryly.

“What’s the point of winning if you can’t rub it in the others’ faces?” retorted the original goods.

Yeah, Shen Qingqiu could see why Fa Meilien hated the original goods, alright.

“So, you chased her out later on?” he asked.

The toddler scum villain snorted. “No, she left on her own accord after I made Peak Lord. She said that I was going to bring the peak to ruin, and she wasn’t going to stick around to see it happen.”

Fa Meilien clearly had some amount of prophetic ability, because she had been absolutely right.

“Anyway, the Fa shijie I knew was a brilliant, charming, talented woman and her cultivation was pretty good too,” continued the original goods. “Her major flaw was her laziness.”

He frowned. “Last I heard of her, she married some noble or another after leaving the sect. But that doesn’t mean she isn’t still nursing a grudge against me - and Cang Qiong.”

“Eh?”

The toddler scum villain gave him an exasperated look. “Whoever that’s responsible for the future destruction of the sect doesn’t just hate me - they hate the rest of the sect too. Putting me on trial doesn’t just ruin my reputation in the jianghu - it drags Cang Qiong’s name in the mud as well. And obliterating not only Qing Jing Peak, but the entire mountain range? That’s sheer hatred, alright.”

“I wouldn’t have thought that Fa shijie hated Cang Qiong so much before this though,” continued the original goods, looking more pensive. “I knew that she was angry that her allies in the other peaks refused to help her convince Shizun to change her mind over her choice of head disciple, but I didn’t think that it would be to the point that she’d help to get the whole sect destroyed.”

“She actually tried to get others to change your Shizun’s mind?” asked Shen Qingqiu.

“I know, right?” laughed the original goods. “Talk about refusing to admit that you’ve been beaten fair and square!” He grinned widely. “Shizun was furious when she found out what Fa shijie tried to do. As a matter of fact, she was so angry that she had her whipped in front of the entire peak!”

Shen Qingqiu’s jaw dropped. “Your Shizun whipped Fa Meilien just for that?”

“Shizun didn’t whip Fa shijie herself,” corrected the toddler scum villain, grin growing even wider. “She gave me the whip and told me to mete out her punishment. Because she knew it would sting even more coming from me.” He shook his head slowly. “Shizun always did have a cruel streak.”

WTH is with this chain of abuse? Two generations of shitty masters, at the very least! Was it a Qing Jing tradition to pick the biggest bully on the peak to be your successor??

“Anyway, what we need to do is find out where Fa Meilien is currently, and investigate her to see if she’s the one who’ll be responsible for the destruction of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.” The original goods pointed a finger at Shen Qingqiu. “And if she is, it’ll be up to you to end her before she carries out her plot.”

Oh no, Shen Qingqiu was not going to track down and kill an innocent woman. Especially not one who was going to be one of Binghe’s future wives. He needed to throw the scum villain off the tracks.

“You’re forgetting someone more immediate than Fa Meilien,” he said.

It was the original goods’ turn to raise an eyebrow. “Oh? Who?”

Shen Qingqiu folded his arms. “The disciples you chased off the peak before this, of course. Remember them? They’ve got more reason to resent you and the rest of the sect than your old shijie.”

The toddler scum villain sniggered. “I’d be surprised if any of that lot took up cultivation again after what I did to them.”

Shen Qingqiu closed his eyes briefly and lit a candle for those poor ex-disciples. If they had received half the abuse Binghe had gotten, then it was no wonder that they’d be soured for cultivation life afterwards. The major reason Binghe himself had put up with the mistreatment was because he had nowhere else to go, and being an abused disciple of Qing Jing Peak was still better than going back to being a homeless child.

“You have a point there though,” admitted the toddler scum villain. “I’ll write down their names for you now.”

Shen Qingqiu had to lift him up to put him on the chair at the study table. The original goods ended up getting ink all over himself as he wrote, thanks to a too-big brush and a toddler’s immature fine motor skills, but he refused Shen Qingqiu’s offer to write while he dictated. Shen Qingqiu made a mental note to buy child-sized brushes for him the next time he visited town.

At the end of it, the toddler scum villain presented him with a list in large sloppy handwriting, containing six names. All of them were boys. None of them were familiar.

Shen Qingqiu looked up from the list. “So, do you know where they are now?”

The original goods shook his head. “Of course not. Why would I care where a bunch of pests would go after they left my peak? They probably went back to their families anyway.”

Shen Qingqiu frowned. “So how am I supposed to find out where these boys are?”

The original goods rolled his eyes. “Use our spy network to find and investigate them and Fa Meilien, of course.”

“We have a spy network?” gasped Shen Qingqiu.

“Of course we have a spy network, you stupid body thief,” snapped the toddler scum villain. “I’m the strategist of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, after all. And information is important to strategy.”

There was nothing in PIDW about Shen Qingqiu having a spy network! Goddamnit, Airplane! Why do you keep leaving the interesting stuff in your drafts?

The original goods sighed suddenly. “It’s fine, body thief. Come, I’ll teach you who we have and how to contact them.”

Saying that, he jumped off the chair, and tugged on Shen Qingqiu’s hand. Shen Qingqiu could only follow where he led. It turned out that there was a loose floorboard underneath his bed, which hid a space containing multiple files and folders. The toddler scum villain picked out a few files and handed them to him.

“These are the files on our current spies,” he said. “The gods know how many of them are still active,” he muttered under his breath.

The original goods gave himself a little shake. “Now listen closely because you need to know how to contact them.”

Shen Qingqiu folded his hands in his lap and listened to the toddler scum villain’s instructions.

_______________________________

Shen Jiu sat in the shade, enjoying the cool breeze and ignoring the disciples nearby. The body thief had left him with Ming Fan to “babysit” while he went off to gods-know-where. Ming Fan had clearly no clue on how to care for toddlers, so his idea of babysitting was apparently to simply sit Shen Jiu down on the ground and hand him an old stuffed rabbit to play with. Shen Jiu looked down at the ratty old thing. It was missing an eye. He wondered if the toy belonged to Ming Fan. He had no idea how toddlers played, so he simply fiddled with it and bounced it up and down a few times.

He had gotten the body thief to contact their spies with their new assignment yesterday. So now, all they could do was to wait until the spies reported back with their information. Shen Jiu sighed. The fact that the body thief had been given detailed information of his upcoming trial, but not the spy network only further proved Shen Jiu’s theory that the god had only brought the body thief in to play out the upcoming tragedy. Can’t give your puppet too much rope to escape the noose, after all.

“I’m ba-ack,” sang Ning Yingying as she skipped towards them. She flung herself down on the ground next to Shen Jiu and pinched his cheek, much to Shen Jiu’s distaste.

“Hi, Yuan-er. What’s your bunny’s name?” she asked.

Shen Jiu shook his head. “It’s Ming-gege’s bunny, not mine.”

Ning Yingying turned to look at Ming Fan, who was slowly going red. “Oh, really?”

“My little brother gave it to me as a going-away present, that’s all,” he quickly explained, face going even redder.

“Uh-huh,” said Ning Yingying doubtfully.

She turned back to Shen Jiu, with a smile on her face. “So, where are Yuan-er’s own toys?”

“In the bamboo house,” answered Shen Jiu. “I don’t want them to get dirty, so I didn’t take them out.”

Ning Yingying nodded. “Fair enough, fair enough.” She then sighed. “What a pity A-Luo’s still on that nighthunt. Things would be more fun if he was here.”

The beast was not only alive, but still living on his peak? How disappointing. Still, nighthunts could be dangerous, so there was a chance that the beast might not return from this one. Shen Jiu could only live in hope.

Ning Yingying suddenly sat up. “Ah, I almost forgot!” she exclaimed.

She then proceeded to pull out a paper bag from her sleeve. “I brought meat skewers from town just now. Why don’t we all share them?”

She offered one to Shen Jiu with another smile. “Try one, Yuan-er,” she urged. “These are really good.”

Shen Jiu did not much care for meat skewers, but he didn’t want to disappoint Ning Yingying, so he accepted the food.

That turned out to be a huge mistake, because everyone who had eaten the meat skewers came down with food poisoning the next day. The body thief chivvied all the afflicted over to Qian Cao Peak, fussing over them like a mother hen with her brood. Shen Jiu had taken advantage of the other disciples’ condition to bypass Mu Qingfang in favour of his head disciple, Lim Puiyi. Luckily, the body thief also didn’t insist on Shen Jiu seeing Mu Qingfang, though he did insist on Shen Jiu sitting in his lap while Lim Puiyi took his wrist and conducted an examination, no doubt trying to sell his role of concerned father.

Ning Yingying, having eaten the most meat skewers, had to be admitted to Qian Cao’s medical ward. The rest of them were let go with medication and orders to take plenty of fluids and rest.

And here Shen Jiu was, spewing vomit and waste from both ends. He hadn’t gotten food poisoning since he was a teenager, and he hadn’t missed it one bit. He heaved again into the basin, expelling the little left in his stomach while the body thief held him and rubbed his back. His pathetic baby body decided that this was too much to handle, and burst out into sobs. The body thief hugged him, crooning reassurances as he continued to rub his back, uncaring of the fact that Shen Jiu was getting tears and snot all over his robes. Shen Jiu supposed that tears and snot was mild in comparison to what else the body thief had gotten on his robes prior to this.

Once his body was done crying, the body thief gently wiped his face clean with a handkerchief and then tried to hand him a cup of soya bean milk. Shen Jiu pushed the cup away.

“I’ll only puke it all up anyway,” he told the body thief.

The body thief brought the cup back. “Drink it anyway. You need the fluids,” he said firmly.

Shen Jiu met the body thief’s eyes. He was clearly going to be stubborn on this matter. Ah well, it was on him when Shen Jiu vomited it back up.

“Fine,” he grumbled.

The body thief brought the cup to his lips. “Take small sips,” he advised.

Shen Jiu scoffed at him, but obeyed nonetheless. Once he had finished, they both waited nervously for the soya bean milk to make a reappearance, but relaxed when it didn’t.

The body thief rubbed his back again. “Good boy,” he praised.

Shen Jiu had never been “good” in either of his lives. If the body thief thought that being good was not puking your guts up, he’d be sorely disappointed when Shen Jiu had another vomiting episode.

“Do you want some more?” asked the body thief.

Shen Jiu shook his head. He still felt nauseous and while he hadn’t vomited again, he didn’t want to push his luck further.

The body thief then picked him up and set him down in the pile of robes that the body thief had used to make a “nest”. The bed was sadly unavailable for the night after Shen Jiu had lost control of his bowels on it and then vomited all over the spare bedsheets.

“You do know that we have a bed in the side room, right?” Shen Jiu pointed out.

The body thief looked as if he very much wanted a fan to hide his face. Unfortunately, the nearest fan was on the dressing table and thus, out of reach.

“The bed in the side room is currently… unavailable,” he replied.

Translation: the body thief had thrown the bed out along with Shen Jiu’s porcelain pillow. Ah well, at least that meant Yue Qi couldn’t stay there anymore. One of these days though, he was going to have to take a peek inside the side room just to see what the body thief had done with it. He had wanted to do it yesterday when Ning Yingying was left to “babysit” him, but he was too small to reach the door handle. He had wanted to go find a stool to stand on so he could open it, but Ning Yingying had wanted to play with him and he couldn’t help but indulge her. And then afterwards, there had been more important things to deal with.

The body thief passed him one of the few pillows that had escaped his earlier purging. He then patted Shen Jiu on the head and told him to go to sleep.

That was the last straw for Shen Jiu.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” he burst out. “You don’t even like me!”

“Because scum villain or not, you’re currently a sick two year old who needs care. Liking has nothing to do with this,” answered the body thief.

Shen Jiu bristled. “You dare to pity me?”

The body thief leaned over and flicked him on the forehead. Shen Jiu yelped and rubbed his forehead.

“Listen to me,” said the body thief, looking him straight in the eye. “You are sick. It’s perfectly normal for a person to care for their sick family member, no matter how ornery they are, and even more so when said patient is a child. Pity has nothing to do with this either.”

He laid down on his own pillow and pulled up a robe to use as a blanket. “Besides, I haven’t done anything that a normal father wouldn’t do in this situation.” He closed his eyes. “Now, goodnight.”

Shen Jiu stared at him. No normal father would have done what the body thief had done the whole day. In Shen Jiu’s experience, most fathers ignored their children until they were old enough to be interesting. The better ones might pat them on the head and play with them for a while, but the actual care and raising of a child would be done by the women in their life. Most fathers in the same situation would have left Shen Jiu in the Qian Cao medical ward to be cared for until he was all better. They wouldn’t have hovered over him, making sure he drank enough fluids and took his medicine, much less wiping up all the messes he made or cleaning him up after he vomited on himself. An ordinary father would have screamed and hit Shen Jiu for vomiting on him, much less losing control of his bowels and getting shit all over him. The body thief on the other hand, while he had cursed when Shen Jiu had done both those things, he had then proceeded to clean them both up without a complaint. He hadn’t even mocked Shen Jiu for crying!

“You’re really far too soft for your own good, body thief,” muttered Shen Jiu.

The robe that the body thief was using for a blanket had slipped down in his sleep. Shen Jiu hitched the robe back up before lying down on his own pillow and closing his eyes. He was asleep before he knew it.

Chapter Text

The brute was back again, this time dragging the corpse of a Blue-Striped Tiger and leaving a trail of blood behind him. Wonderful. Just what he always wanted. A dead monster in his courtyard. Hooray.

“Shen Qingqiu,” the brute started. “I heard your son was sick so I brought you a Blue-Striped Tiger. Eating its liver is good for improving the constitution.”

“That is very kind of you, Liu-shidi,” replied the body thief. “I’ll have some of my disciples take it to the kitchens later.”

The brute grunted, and then shifted in place. “So, how’s your son doing?”

“Better than yesterday,” answered the body thief.

Shen Jiu nodded. This was true. While he was still nauseous, he hadn’t had another vomiting episode yet. The diarrhoea had also improved to the point he could reach the chamber pot in time.

The brute grunted again. He then reached into his sleeve to pull out another of Shen Jiu’s old fans. Was the body thief so careless that he left Shen Jiu’s fans all over Cang Qiong? Shen Jiu made a mental note to count his fans later.

“You left this behind the last time you came over to Bai Zhan Peak,” said the brute, thus proving Shen Jiu right about the body thief’s carelessness.

The body thief took his fan back. He then tucked a loose lock of hair behind one ear and smiled up at the brute. “Thank you so much, Liu-shidi. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

The brute’s ears went red. Shen Jiu stared at him.

Was that-?

No, it couldn’t be.

He was! The brute was lusting after the body thief in Shen Jiu’s body! Shen Jiu never thought he’d see the day the brute would lust after anything other than battle, let alone his old body, but here they were. He didn’t know whether to laugh or to start screaming.

Shen Jiu settled for biting the brute instead.

_________________________________

“Did you have to bite Liu-shidi like that?” asked the body thief, pinching the bridge of his nose as he spoke.

“Yes,” said Shen Jiu firmly.

He then poked the body thief in the leg. “Stop flirting with the brute,” he ordered. “You’ll give him ideas.”

“I have never flirted with anyone in my life, let alone Liu-shidi,” gasped the body thief, eyes wide with outrage.

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. Did the body thief really want to play innocent on this? Fine.

“You know what I mean,” he said. He batted his eyelashes and put on a mock simper in imitation of the body thief. “‘Thank you so much, Liu-shidi. I don’t know what I’d do without you.’”

He resumed his normal tone. “That’s what I mean.”

The body thief put his hands together and took a deep breath. “Original goods, I know you’ve never had friends before, but let me tell you this: it is perfectly normal to thank your friends for doing you a favour. Nothing flirtatious at all about it!”

“Besides,” he added. “Look at him. What part of that man screams bent to you, hmm? Liu Qingge must be the straightest man in the world!”

The body thief was serious. He genuinely believed that not only had he not been flirting, but also that Liu Qingge was only interested in women. For a minute, Shen Jiu almost felt sorry for the brute. Bah, the body thief’s softness must be catching.

“...if you say so,” he muttered.

The body thief nodded. “I do say so.” He then turned to look at the corpse of the Blue-Striped Tiger that was still lying on the ground. “Now to call someone to get this to the kitchens.”

______________________________

Liu Qingge was not the only one of his martial siblings to visit Shen Qingqiu’s house. Many of the other Peak Lords dropped by, bringing herbal teas to help with his son’s nausea, nutritious soups to improve his constitution and even a few sweets to pique his appetite.

All through their visits, the original goods clung to his leg and hid his face in his robes, pretending to be a shy child. No doubt he was worried that his martial siblings would treat him like a teddy bear again, if he didn’t.

“Like I said before, he is very shy and he’s still not feeling well,” explained Shen Qingqiu to his martial siblings whenever they tried to coax “Yuan-er” away from his father’s robes. “Please don’t trouble him now, shidi, shimei.”

At this, his martial siblings would smile and nod. And then, they would obey him and leave the toddler scum villain alone.

Later that day, Mu Qingfang came over with his head disciple to check up on the sick. The original goods made a beeline for Lim-shizhi, claiming that he wanted the “nice jiejie” to check on him.

Was he that scared of getting hugged by his martial siblings? It wasn’t as if Mu Qingfang was one of those who cuddled him the other day. Still, Shen Qingqiu hovered over the two while Lim Puiyi conducted her examination. Once she was done, she pronounced him much better than yesterday, praised Yuan-er for being such a good boy and gave him a piece of candy as a reward.

Mu Qingfang then approached Shen Qingqiu and informed him that the sick disciples were getting better and should be completely well again in a day or two. Ning Yingying was also likely to be discharged from Qian Cao tomorrow. Well, that was good to hear.

After they were gone, the toddler scum villain flopped down on the newly made bed and buried his face in a pillow.

“Please tell me that they’re the last of it,” he moaned. “If I have to put up with one more person cooing over me, I am going to scream.”

Shen Qingqiu sat down next to him. “I thought it was very sweet of our martial siblings to want to make you feel better. Or did you not notice their gifts?”

The original goods snorted. “They were just bored and wanted an excuse to come over and gawk at me.”

Shen Qingqiu disagreed, but he didn’t want to get into an argument with the toddler scum villain right now.

“If anyone else comes over, why don’t you pretend to be asleep? You are sick, after all,” he suggested.

The original goods turned to look at him. “Fine,” he grumbled.

They both sat together for a while until a knock came at the door. The toddler scum villain groaned and then closed his eyes. “I’m sleeping now, if anyone asks.”

Shen Qingqiu chuckled, and went to answer the door.

______________________________

The next day, Shen Qingqiu received a message from An Ding Peak, informing him that the crib he had commissioned was done and ready to be picked up. Shen Qingqiu mentally gave a whoop of joy. Finally, he’d have the whole bed to himself again! Why just that morning, he had woken up and put his hand out, only for it to land in a wet patch. The original goods had denied all knowledge of it when questioned, but his cheeks had been bright red. It was things like this that reminded him that for all his knowledge and orneriness, the toddler scum villain was very much a toddler, and thus prone to toddler behaviour such as wetting the bed at night.

He left the original goods in the care of a newly recovered Ming Fan while he went to pick up his commission. Soon enough, the crib was installed in his house. He put in the mattress. (The spare mattress was kept to the side of the room in preparation for future nighttime accidents). He then added a feather pillow (the type the original goods pretended not to like), a baby bolster and for the finishing touch, a teddy bear in one corner. There, perfect!

Shen Qingqiu retrieved the toddler scum villain from Ming Fan. “I have a surprise for you in the bamboo house,” he informed him as they walked home.

The original goods raised an eyebrow at him. “What is it?”

“Well, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise if I told you now, would it?” replied Shen Qingqiu.

He tried to cover the toddler’s eyes, but the original goods only batted his hands away irritably.

“I don’t like surprises,” grumbled the toddler scum villain.

“You’ll like this one,” promised Shen Qingqiu, mentally crossing his fingers. Too late to throw out the crib even if he didn’t like it anyway.

The original goods narrowed his eyes. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

They soon reached the bamboo house. Shen Qingqiu opened the door, danced inside and did jazz hands at the crib. “Ta-da!”

The toddler scum villain looked askance at the crib. “What on earth is that?”

“It’s your very own bed, of course,” replied Shen Qingqiu.

The original goods looked even more suspicious. “Why does it look like a cage with no roof?”

Shen Qingqiu whipped out his fan. “I have no idea what you mean. This is just what normal beds for toddlers look like where I come from.”

The toddler scum villain narrowed his eyes again at him. “And where is that, exactly?”

“China,” answered Shen Qingqiu promptly.

The original goods shot him an exasperated look.

“Do you want to try it?” asked Shen Qingqiu. Seeing the toddler scum villain’s reticence, he added “Or would you rather cuddle with me in bed again?”

“That was all you!” shot the toddler scum villain.

Suuure. Riiight. As if he was the one who invaded the other’s side of the bed to snuggle up to him. Before Shen Qingqiu could speak any further, a knock came at the door.

The original goods groaned. “Please let it be Ming Fan or one of the other disciples. I don’t know if I can take it if it’s another one of my martial siblings.”

It turned out to be Yue Qingyuan.

Yue Qingyuan smiled at Shen Qingqiu. “May I come in, shidi?”

“Of course,” replied Shen Qingqiu, and he stepped aside to let the sect leader in. Once inside and seated at the table, Yue Qingyuan pressed on him a packet of tea and some sweets.

“I heard your son was sick, so I got him a little something to help him feel better,” he explained.

Shen Qingqiu squinted at the packet of tea. Wasn’t this the same magical tea that Luo Binghe had gone out to get for Wife #133 when she had fallen gravely ill? Zhangmen-shixiong, just how badly ill did you think my son was? As it stood now, the tea would be wasted on the original goods as his appetite had much improved from yesterday, and he had only one episode of diarrhoea so far today. Still, children fell sick all the time, so it might come in handy later down the line.

“Thanking Zhangmen-shixiong for the tea and sweets,” he said.

Yue Qingyuan smiled again. “You’re welcome, Qingqiu-shidi. How is Yuan-er today, by the way?”

“Oh, much better than he was two days ago. He should be fully recovered by tomorrow,” answered Shen Qingqiu.

“That’s good to hear,” said Yue Qingyuan.

Shen Qingqiu had expected the toddler scum villain to either cling to his leg or to pretend to be asleep like he had when the Ku Xing Peak Lord had come over. But instead, he wandered close to the sect leader, who smiled and waved at him as he approached.

“Look, Yuan-er. Your Uncle Yue got you Thousand Petaled Ice Lily tea. Isn’t that nice of him?” said Shen Qingqiu.

Yue Qingyuan immediately went all misty-eyed.”Xiao Jiu…”

The actual Xiao Jiu proceeded to bite him hard on the hand.

Shen Qingqiu groaned. Not again.

“I’m so sorry, Zhangmen-shixiong,” he apologised. “I’ll get him off you right away.”

But when Shen Qingqiu went to pry the toddler scum villain off, unlike with Liu Qingge and Wei Qingwei, he didn’t let go of Yue Qingyuan’s hand. Instead, he only clamped down harder, making the sect leader wince.

“Yuan-er, let go,” ordered Shen Qingqiu as he tugged on the toddler.

The toddler scum villain only shook his head in reply. Yue Qingyuan used his other hand to pinch the toddler’s nose shut, but even then, the original goods was practically red in the face with lack of air, before he finally let go of Yue Qingyuan’s hand. Shen Qingqiu winced when he saw that the original goods had bitten hard enough to draw blood.

Shen Qingqiu lifted the original goods up to face level, holding him under the arms. “That was a very mean thing to do, Yuan-er. Poor Uncle Yue!”

The toddler scum villain snarled at him. “I shall bite whoever I want to bite!”

“‘I shall bite whoever I want to’ - are you even listening to yourself?” demanded Shen Qingqiu.

They both glared at each other. Shen Qingqiu sighed. They weren’t going to get anywhere like this.

“That’s it,” he pronounced. “Off to baby jail with you, young man!”

“I KNEW THAT THING WAS A CAGE!” screeched the original goods.

He then tried to bite Shen Qingqiu as well. Shen Qingqiu reflexively threw him but almost immediately, caught him before he hit the ground. Somehow, he ended up catching him by the leg, turning the original goods upside down. It was hard to say who was more stunned by this, him or the toddler scum villain.

Shen Qingqiu was the first to recover. “Hah,” he crowed, lightly shaking the toddler scum villain. “Try to bite me, will you? Well, it’s off to baby jail with you!”

Shen Qingqiu carried the toddler scum villain to the crib, ignoring his kicking and screaming and gently put him down. He had to immediately jerk away then, because the toddler scrambled up and tried to bite him again.

Shen Qingqiu had to admire the An Ding carpenters’ workmanship. They had given him exactly what he wanted. The crib that the toddler scum villain was currently in, was almost similar to modern cribs. The differences were that the mattress support was closer to the floor than most, and the rails were taller than the toddler’s current height, which made it the perfect timeout place for a naughty toddler scum villain.

Shen Qingqiu pointed a finger at him. “Now, you stay there and think about what you’ve done.”

The original goods gripped the bars of his crib and snarled at him again in reply.

Shen Qingqiu turned around to face his sect leader. “Zhangmen-shixiong, again I am so-”

Yue Qingyuan was laughing quietly to himself.

Shen Qingqiu stared at him. “Zhangmen-shixiong, are you alright?”

Yue Qingyuan nodded, eyes still dancing merrily. “I’m fine, Qingqiu-shidi. Thank you for asking. It’s just that Yuan-er is definitely your son, alright.”

Was he saying that the original goods used to bite his martial siblings? Again, another thing that Great God Airplane never mentioned in PIDW.

“How long is his sentence, by the way?” asked Yue Qingyuan.

“A quarter of a sichen,” answered Shen Qingqiu.

He wasn’t sure how long actual timeouts should be, but considering that the original goods was an adult trapped in a toddler’s body, thirty minutes shouldn’t be too long for him.

Eyeing the sect leader’s bitten hand, Shen Qingqiu said, “Shixiong should really get that treated. I have some medicine that’s good for wounds.”

Yue Qingyuan shook his head. “It’s fine, shidi. My cultivation is high enough that the wounds will heal fast on their own.”

He got up from his seat. “I should go now. Take care, shidi.” He then waved to the original goods. “Bye, Yuan-er.”

The original goods only scowled at him in reply from behind the bars of his crib.

As soon as Yue Qingyuan was gone, the original goods turned to Shen Qingqiu. “Do not ever let that man call you that again,” he ordered.

Shen Qingqiu mentally winced. He should have known that nickname would be a sore spot for the toddler scum villain.

“I’ve already told him before not to call me that,” was what he said out loud.

“Well, he’s stupid!” retorted the original goods. “You need to hit him a few times before it finally gets through his thick head!”

Now that was unfair to Yue Qingyuan. This was only the second time in two years that he had slipped up on using that name. And he had apologised profusely the last time too. He probably would have done so again had he not been distracted by getting bitten by an angry toddler.

Shen Qingqiu looked down at the toddler scum villain. Despite his sharp words, he was hugging himself tight. He was clearly genuinely upset by Yue Qingyuan using his special nickname on someone else.

Seeing that lessened some of Shen Qingqiu’s own exasperation. “Just what happened between you two anyway?” he asked gently.

The toddler scum villain snapped furious eyes towards him. “None of your business, body thief!” he spat. “And don’t you dare ask him either!”

Shen Qingqiu sighed. How was he supposed to help these two when he didn’t even know what happened? It didn’t seem like the original goods wanted to talk about it, let alone actual help with his and Yue Qingyuan’s relationship though. So, there was nothing he could do about it for now.

_________________________________

Yue Qingyuan hummed as he walked steadily towards the bamboo house. He felt a little bad for getting poor Yuan-er punished yesterday. The child had to have known how his father felt about that particular nickname, and had only gotten angry on his behalf. What a good filial child he was. Yue Qingyuan could only hope that Yuan-er liked his apology gift.

Shen Qingqiu answered the door when he knocked on it. “Ah, shixiong. What is it?”

“I brought a gift for Yuan-er,” said Yue Qingyuan and he pulled out the toy soldier from his sleeve to show Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Qingqiu didn’t even bat an eyelash at the toy. A part of Yue Qingyuan wilted at this. Ah, his shidi really had forgotten so much since that fateful qi deviation.

“That’s very kind of you, Zhangmen-shixiong,” said Shen Qingqiu. “I can’t guarantee that he’ll like it though.” He lowered his voice. “He’s a bit picky when it comes to toys.”

Yue Qingyuan nodded. “Well, I hope that he’ll like this one.” He put the toy back in his sleeve. “So, how is he doing today?”

“He’s completely recovered from the food poisoning,” replied Shen Qingqiu, as he let Yue Qingyuan into the bamboo house.

Yue Qingyuan looked for the toddler and spied a small figure sitting behind the bars of the contraption his shidi had gotten for his son.

He jerked his head in the toddler’s direction. “So, what’s he in for this time?”

Shen Qingqiu rubbed his wrist and sighed. “Biting people. Again.”

Yue Qingyuan hid a smile and nodded sagely. “Ah, a repeat offence, I see.” He indicated his sleeve. “Mind if I-”

Shen Qingqiu waved him on. “Go ahead. Just mind his teeth.”

Yue Qingyuan approached the baby jail. Yuan-er scowled up at him, arms crossed, clearly unhappy to be imprisoned once more.

Yue Qingyuan smiled down at him. “Hello, Yuan-er. Uncle Yue-” gods how he relished that title “-has brought you a present.” He pulled out the wooden toy soldier and presented it to the toddler.

The toddler’s eyes widened and he slowly took it from him. He then proceeded to turn the toy over and about, closely examining it.

“Do you like it?” asked Yue Qingyuan.

The toddler did not answer, still absorbed in the toy.

“If you don’t like it, then Uncle Yue can always take it back.”

Now, this got a reaction. Yuan-er clutched the toy to his chest and glared at him.

Yue Qingyuan felt his heart melt. He was so like his father! Xiao Jiu had reacted the same way when Yue Qi had gifted him that broken toy soldier so long ago. Oh, he had complained bitterly about being given a broken toy, but when Yue Qi offered to get rid of it, Xiao Jiu had clutched the toy to his chest and glared at him.

“Qi-ge gave me this toy, so it’s mine now. Qi-ge can’t have it back,” he had declared.

That broken toy soldier became Xiao Jiu’s prized possession and he never went anywhere without it. He’d refuse to share it with the other children too, no matter how much they begged, only allowing Yue Qi to play with it.

He had cried for hours on end when one of the slavers destroyed it as punishment for not meeting their daily quota. Yue Qi had tried to console him by promising to find him a new toy, but he had only shook his head.

“Stupid Qi-ge! What’s the point of getting a new toy when it will only be destroyed anyway?” was what he had said back then.

Yue Qingyuan shook himself, returning to the present. He smiled again at Yuan-er. Ah, this child really was so adorable. He reached down to pat him on the head, but had to quickly retract his hand when the child tried to bite him again. Yuan-er glared at him even harder, unhappy to be thwarted at this.

Ah, he had definitely inherited that scowl from his father alright. Now, if he was anymore like his father, he’d - wait, he was actually doing it! He was turning his back on Yue Qingyuan and pretending to ignore him! Ah, so cute! So cute! This child really was too adorable for words!!

Yue Qingyuan wanted so badly to pick Yuan-er up and cuddle him, but that was a sure-fire way of getting bitten.

“Alright, Yuan-er. Uncle Yue is going to go now,” he said.

He only got a very Shen Qingqiu-like sniff in reply.

Yue Qingyuan stifled a laugh. Ah, he really was so much like his father.

So much more than the current - Yue Qingyuan immediately cut off that line of thought.

They had checked Shen Qingqiu for possession three times in three different ways, he reminded himself. Mu Qingfang himself had admitted that it was not impossible for a qi deviation to cause a massive memory loss and thus, a change in personality. And who knew? Perhaps this kind, gentle Shen Qingqiu was the man his Xiao Jiu would have been, had he not been sold to slavers, had he not been bought by the Qius, had he not met Wu Yanzi. Who knew? Certainly not Yue Qingyuan, that’s for sure!

It was selfish of him to miss the old Shen Qingqiu, he knew. That prickly, sharp, temperamental man that only he seemed to miss. Oh, it wasn’t that he didn’t like the current Shen Qingqiu - he did - but sometimes talking with him made him feel as if he was talking to a stranger in his Xiao Jiu’s body. Which was ridiculous, but there it was. It made him wish that Shen Qingqiu could regain his old memories, but Shen Qingqiu himself had never voiced any desire to recover those lost memories. And if Shen Qingqiu did not want to get back those old, painful memories, if he seemed happier without them, then Yue Qingyuan had no right at all to wish he regained them.

He bade Shen Qingqiu goodbye before heading back to his own peak. There was a mound of paperwork waiting just for him.

____________________________________

Shen Jiu bashed the toy soldier against the floor. He had had plans to get into the sideroom, after being released from his brief confinement in “baby jail”, aka his cot. The body thief was definitely hiding something there. Something he didn’t want Shen Jiu to see. Why else would there be an almost-new privacy talisman on the door? Why else would the body thief pretend that there was nothing of interest in there, but be so quick to stop him from opening the door? His first attempt at getting in had failed, but he was sure he’d get in eventually.

Then that great idiot, Yue Qi, just had to ruin his mood by coming over.

Just what did he think he was playing at, bringing a wooden toy soldier for him, just like the one he had so long ago? As if he wasn’t actually ashamed of their miserable origins?

Shen Jiu bashed the toy soldier against the floor again.

He didn’t care that his disciples preferred the body thief over him. He didn’t care that his martial siblings liked the body thief more than they had ever liked him. He didn’t! But Yue Qi now? Ah, that stung.

What did you expect, he asked himself. Of course Yue Qi would prefer the nice, sweet Shen Qingqiu. The one that had no memories of their shared lowly background. The one that didn’t remember that broken promise made so long ago. The one that had no reason at all to resent him. Of course he’d like that version better.

Shen Jiu bashed the toy against the floor over and over.

A teardrop fell on the wooden floor. Then another. And another. Shen Jiu swept a hand over his suddenly wet face. Ah, and now his stupid, weak baby body was tearing up again. How pathetic.

There was a rustle of robes near him and then suddenly, Shen Jiu was pulled into a hug. He struggled against the arms that held him at first, but the toddler body was weak, and soon Shen Jiu found himself clinging to the body thief, sobbing pathetically.

The worst thing about this, the absolute worst thing about this was that he couldn’t even hate the body thief.

_________________________________

Shen Qingqiu held the toddler scum villain and rubbed his back as he cried, sobbing as if his heart would break. This wasn’t the usual upsets of an exhausted toddler body, no this was the adult’s pain, and Shen Qingqiu had no idea how to deal with this other than to hold him as he wept.

Goddamnit, Airplane! Just what the HELL did you write between these two to get them both so messed up?

If you had asked Shen Qingqiu two weeks ago if the original goods cared anything for the sect leader, he would’ve replied, of course not. And then he would have remarked on how tragic it was that the sect leader was so kind and patient with someone who did nothing but spit on him. But the truth was that Shen Jiu did care for Yue Qingyuan. It was hearing Yue Qingyuan’s fate that had gotten him to work with Shen Qingqiu, after all. It was just that for him, that love was so mixed up with anger and resentment over whatever-it-was that wrecked their relationship, that he couldn’t even begin to express that care.

The toddler scum villain’s sobs finally tapered into silence. Shen Qingqiu continued rubbing his back. He was quiet for so long that Shen Qingqiu wondered if he had cried himself to sleep.

And then a small voice piped up. “If you ever hurt him, I’ll kill you.”

Shen Qingqiu smiled ruefully to himself. No need to ask who the “he” was that Shen Jiu meant here.

“Alright,” he said.

Shen Jiu nodded, face still buried in his robes. “Good.”

More silence.

Shen Qingqiu shifted in place. Fuck, this was awkward. “So… do you want to talk about it?”

The original goods paused, and then shook his head vigorously.

Yeah, Shen Qingqiu thought that would be his answer. God, how was he supposed to help these two when he didn’t even know what happened? Their relationship had to be fixable. It had to be! How could it not be fixable when they both still cared about each other despite whatever-it-was that happened? He just didn’t know how to even start going about it though.

Shen Qingqiu shifted again and grimaced. He was going to get a cramp if he stayed too long like this on the floor. But when he tried to get up, the original goods tugged on his robes. Shen Qingqiu eased back down and returned to rubbing his back. Okay, it looked like he was going to have to stay like this for a little longer.

Ah, this really was such a mess.

Chapter Text

Finally, Luo Binghe was back on Qing Jing Peak. And after so many delays too! Now, dealing with the Four-Winged Horse Hawk hadn’t been too hard, even if he did get injured by its talons, but then the village healer had insisted that she see to his wounds. She had a point when she said that while his wound wasn’t too bad, infection was always a risk, so he had allowed her to tend to him. The problem was that the next day, when he tried to rise from the sickbed in the village healer’s house, she had immediately pushed him back down and insisted that he rest one more day just to make sure that there was no infection. He’d been raised to be polite, so he acquiesced to the woman’s orders.

That had been a mistake. Because on the following day, when he tried to leave, the village healer had insisted that he rest in her house for a week. Just to make sure that his wounds were completely healed and in case of any poison from the monster’s talons.

Bullshit.

Luo Binghe had been taught by one of their world’s greatest experts in monsters. And he knew full well that the Four-Winged Horse Hawk was not poisonous in any way. He was already fed up by then of the woman’s roving eyes and flirtatious behaviour, and this was simply the last straw. He saddled up his horse and left immediately, ignoring the woman’s calls behind him.

Really, his first mistake had been allowing the village healer to treat him in the first place. Shen Qingqiu always insisted on his disciples packing a first-aid kit before they left on a nighthunt. Qing Jing Peak first-aid kits were probably the most well-stocked of all the peaks, containing everything from Blood-Replenishing potions to medicines to multiple vials of poison antidotes. It must have cost Shen Qingqiu a pretty penny and much negotiation with Qian Cao Peak, but he had done it nonetheless out of his love for his disciples.

Luo Binghe had been the foolish one, not wanting to waste any of his Shizun’s hard-earned medicines on a minor injury, and see how much time it had cost him?

The village healer had been bad enough, but then the bridge Luo Binghe had been planning to take, had apparently been swept away in a flood.

For two copper coins, Luo Binghe would’ve happily abandoned the horse in favour of flying back on his spirit sword, but the horse was Qing Jing property and Shizun would not be happy with him for abandoning it, so Luo Binghe was forced to take a detour around the bridge.

After that, he had come across a pack of bandits attacking a merchant caravan. Of course, Luo Binghe had to step in and help the merchants fend off the bandits. The captured bandits then had to be brought to the nearest authorities for judgement. It turned out that there was a reward for the bandits, which Luo Binghe wasn’t going to say no to. He could use the money to buy Shizun something nice. Perhaps a new fan? Or better yet, a DOZEN new fans. Maybe then Shizun wouldn’t have to rely on Liu-shishu to bring back his fans.

He had been so caught up with the fantasy of Shizun telling Liu Qingge that he had no need for the fan that he had brought back because “his Binghe” had already gotten a new one for him, that when the merchants he had rescued invited him to their house for a feast as a thank-you for saving their lives, he had automatically said yes. And of course once said, he couldn’t take back his words, so Luo Binghe had no choice but to follow the merchants back to their home.

The food had been good, though Luo Binghe felt that he could do better. The company had been fine as well, if a little too curious about life on Qing Jing Peak, but he supposed that cultivator life would be interesting to non-cultivators.

And then the merchants had tried to betroth their daughter to him.

Luo Binghe still did not understand why would anyone want to betroth their only daughter to a near-stranger. It wasn’t even as if he was some great lord’s son, or a highly-ranked cultivator. No, he was just Luo Binghe, Qing Jing Peak disciple and the son of a washerwoman, that’s all.

Fortunately, the maiden in question was very understanding when he explained to her that he could not marry her as he was in love with someone else. She had then proceeded to yell at her entire family for trying to marry her off to a complete stranger, before sending Luo Binghe off on his way with a wink.

Luckily, that had been the last delay and Luo Binghe reached the peak with no other incidents. He walked towards the bamboo house to give Shizun his report. Nearing the house, he could hear the sound of a qin playing. He paused to listen to the strains of melody and then winced when a discordant note played. A pause, and then the section was repeated, ending in a new note that was more harmonious, but clearly not the right one, since the section was repeated once again.

Ah, Shizun was working on a new song. Luo Binghe made a mental note to ask him to teach him the song once he completed it.

He hated to disturb his Shizun, but the man could go on for hours working on his composition if left to his own devices, and Luo Binghe had plans for tonight. Dinner plans, to be exact. He knocked on the door of the bamboo house and opened it.

Upon seeing Luo Binghe, his Shizun leaped up from his qin and strode towards him.

“Binghe, you’re back!” said Shizun. He then lightly whacked Luo Binghe on the head with his fan. “You’re late, you silly boy! This master has been worried sick about you!”

Warmth bloomed in Luo Binghe’s chest. His Shizun had missed him. His Shizun had been worried about him. He bowed his head in contrition. “Begging Shizun’s pardon for the unexpected delay.”

His Shizun waved a hand. “It’s fine, it’s fine. What’s important is that Binghe has returned safely.” He then cleared his throat. “So, how did the mission go?”

Luo Binghe quickly reported the mission. Once he was done, his Shizun patted him on the head.

“Binghe did well,” praised Shen Qingqiu.

Luo Binghe resisted the urge to wriggle in glee. His Shizun said he had done well! His Shizun was proud of him!

“So, did Binghe meet any nice girls while he was away?” teased Shizun.

Luo Binghe resisted the urge to sigh fondly. Oh, Shizun. He was always talking like this, acting as if Luo Binghe was going to meet a pretty girl one day, fall madly in love and run off with her. As if that was ever going to happen.

(Luo Binghe wasn’t a fool. He knew how girls and even older women looked at him now that he was older. But none of the women he met could ever hold a candle to his Shizun).

“No, Shizun,” was what he said out loud.

His Shizun smiled. “That’s fine. Binghe is still young, after all. There’s still time for you to find someone.”

Luo Binghe had already found his particular someone. He just couldn’t do anything about it right now. He nodded again in reply.

A child crept up to Shizun’s side. He was a cute little thing, all dark-haired and dark-eyed, dressed in Qing Jing Peak colours. He was also staring at Luo Binghe with abject dislike. Luo Binghe was used to people immediately detesting him from his time living on the streets, but never had he seen such naked dislike on the face of one so young.

“Shizun, why is there a baby in the house?” asked Luo BInghe.

Shizun pulled the child close. “This is my son, Yuan-er. His mother can’t care for him anymore, so he’ll be living here from now on.”

Luo Binghe felt his heart crack a bit. Shizun had a wife??? Whoever she was, she couldn’t be prettier than him!

“Shizun is married?” was what he forced out through suddenly numb lips.

Shizun whipped his fan open to cover the lower half of his face. “No. That’s - it was just a one night stand, that’s all.”

What face that was left uncovered by the fan was bright red. Luo Binghe felt his heart ease a bit. So, it wasn’t a serious relationship. Thank the gods. Of course, he didn’t expect his Shizun to be untouched, what with him being so much older than Luo Binghe himself. But still, there was something so innocent about Shizun that Luo Binghe was more likely to believe that whoever Yuan-er’s mother had been, it was far more likely that she had taken advantage of Shizun, instead of the other way around. Still, he wasn’t going to hold the (probable) sins of the mother against the son, so Luo Binghe waved at the little boy.

The toddler only glared at him even harder.

Luo Binghe blinked. Well, alright then. He looked back at his Shizun. “Shizun, after this disciple has cleaned up, this disciple will cook dinner for you and your son.”

Shizun’s eyes immediately lit up, but almost as quickly, lowered back down. “Ah, Binghe has just come back from a long journey. This master shouldn’t impose on Binghe so,” said Shizun guiltily.

Luo Binghe shook his head. “It’s fine, Shizun. This disciple finds cooking very relaxing after a trip.”

Shizun’s eyes lit back up. “If that’s so, then this master will accept Binghe’s kind offer.”

Luo Binghe smiled at his Shizun, and then took a step into the bamboo house. The toddler immediately blocked his path.

“The bathhouse is that way,” he said, pointing in the direction of the bathhouse.

“Oh, did Baba forget to tell Yuan-er?” said Shizun. There was an almost gleeful tone to his words.

Shen Qingqiu put a hand on Luo Binghe’s shoulder and smiled down at his son, an odd gleam in his eyes. “Binghe is living with us.”

“What?”

“He’s been living here for a year now already.”

“WHAT?!”

Shizun leaned forward, his smile going even wider. “Think of him as… your Bing-gege.”

The toddler screamed.

Shizun patted Luo Binghe on the shoulder and then gave him a little push. “Go take a bath, Binghe,” he ordered. “I’ll deal with this.”

Yuan-er tried to block Luo Binghe’s path again, but Shizun caught him before he could do so. Luo Binghe walked towards the bathroom. Behind him, he could hear the child start to yell.

“NO! NO! NO! I DON’T WANT THAT BE-BOY IN MY HOUSE! YOU GET HIM OUT RIGHT NOW! YOU KICK HIM OUT RIGHT THIS MINUTE! I SWEAR-”

The closing of the bathroom door muffled the rest of the child’s words, if not the continued screaming. Luo Binghe sighed to himself. It looked like Shizun’s son really did not like him much.

The bathroom looked much the same when Luo Binghe left it, with only the additions of a small wooden tub and a toy boat next to it. Likely, they belonged to Yuan-er.

Still, Luo Binghe thought as he washed himself, if everything went according to his seven - now six-year plan (four more years of being the perfect disciple because Shizun would never be so dishonourable as to take an underage disciple as his cultivation partner, a year to further his reputation as a good cultivator and for Shizun to realise that he wasn’t a child anymore, and then another year of proper courting, culminating in marriage), then Yuan-er would be his stepson.

Sure Yuan-er didn’t seem to like him much, but Shizun hadn’t liked him much either at the beginning. Not that he expected the toddler to get a massive qi deviation that would give him a personality change any time soon, but Yuan-er was young. Luo Binghe had time to change his mind.

(Meng Mo had told Luo Binghe before that he suspected that his demonic parent was a high-ranking demon, which meant that he’d be powerful as well once his seal was broken, likely strong enough to rule the Demonic Realm if he wanted to, but Luo Binghe didn’t want to rule anything. He didn’t want great wealth or to have to deal with people bowing and scraping to him all the time. And as for power, well he only wanted enough to protect those he cared about. If Luo Binghe could spend the rest of his life living with Shizun here in the bamboo house, he would consider it a life well-lived).

The screaming had died down by the time Luo Binghe had finished his bath. He stepped out and walked towards the kitchen. He passed by Yuan-er, who was sitting cross-legged with his arms folded, in an odd contraption that looked like a bed surrounded by wooden bars. The child didn’t say anything further to him, but Luo Binghe could feel the child’s eyes practically burning holes in the back of his head.

He was cutting the vegetables in preparation for today’s meal when Shizun entered the kitchen.

“Ah, Binghe,” he started, scratching the side of his face sheepishly. “This master hates to impose on you further, but could you make some snacks as well? Something easy for a two year old to hold?” Shizun lowered his voice. “I have a feeling that Yuan-er’s not going to want dinner.”

Luo Binghe nodded. “It’s fine, Shizun. This disciple can do it.”

Shizun smiled at him. “Binghe is such a good boy.” He rummaged in his sleeve. “Ah, this master had almost forgotten.” He pulled out a ring-shaped jade amulet, and dropped it in Luo Binghe’s outstretched hand.

“A present for all your hard work,” he said.

Luo Binghe closed his hand around it and smiled back at his Shizun. “Thanking Shizun for the present.”

His Shizun patted him on the head a couple of times before walking out of the kitchen. Luo Binghe turned back to his cooking. He still had a lot to do before dinner could be served.

__________________________

“Mmm, this is delicious!” said Shizun, eyes half-closed with pleasure as he savoured his food. “Binghe has really outdone himself!”

Luo Binghe felt his cheeks heat up from the praise. He ducked his head. “Oh, it’s really nothing at all, Shizun.”

Shizun turned to look at the figure still sitting in the contraption. “Yuan-er, are you sure you don’t want to have any dinner?”

“NO!”

Shizun tried again. “It’s really good, you know.”

“I SAID NO!”

And with that, the toddler turned his back on his father.

Shizun sighed. “I know you’re mad about Binghe staying here-”

The toddler sniffed.

“-and you’re right that I should have told you about this earlier-”

The toddler sniffed again, even louder this time.

“-but I’m still not throwing Binghe out,” continued Shizun. “This is Binghe’s home as much as it is yours.”

A snarl came from the contraption, but the child said nothing more. He just sat there, radiating such palpable fury that Luo Binghe could feel it even all the way from where he was sitting. Despite the child’s obvious anger, Luo Binghe couldn’t help but be tickled pink over Shizun’s defence of him. Shizun called the bamboo house Binghe’s home! Shizun still wanted him to stay here! Despite his own son’s protests!

It would make Shizun happy though if he and Yuan-er could get along, realised Luo Binghe as he watched Shizun’s shoulders slump as he looked at that little figure. He resolved to win the little boy’s approval, starting from tomorrow. It shouldn’t be too hard to win over a toddler, right?

As soon as they were done eating, his Shizun started to pick up the dirty plates. Luo Binghe immediately took them away from him.

“Ah Binghe, surely you must be exhausted after your long journey. Let this master do the dishes,” said his Shizun as he made a half-hearted attempt to take the dishes back.

Luo Binghe held the dirty plates away from his Shizun. “This disciple is not too tired to wash some dishes. Shizun should rest in the meantime.”

Saying that, Luo Binghe took all the dishes into the kitchen to wash up. His Shizun followed behind, but only to make some tea and pour it in a baby bottle, and to pick up the plate of snacks he had made for Yuan-er.

Luo Binghe always had sharp hearing, so he could hear his Shizun talk with his son from the kitchen.

“If Yuan-er gets hungry, you can always eat these snacks.”

“Stupid Baba! They’re probably poisoned!”

A sigh. “They’re not poisoned. Look, I’ll take a bite out of each of them to prove it.”

A pause, and then. “How do you expect me to eat those when you’ve already bitten into each and every one of them?”

“It’s just saliva. You don’t have to eat them if you don’t want to though. At least drink your tea. And before you ask, I made the tea myself so you shouldn’t worry that it’s poisoned.”

Another sniff.

Luo Binghe hid a smile. Raising children sure seemed difficult. He believed in Shizun though.

By the time Luo Binghe finished with the dishes, his Shizun was already preparing for bed.

“Goodnight, Shizun,” called Luo Binghe.

“Goodnight, Binghe,” replied Shizun.

Luo Binghe turned to the toddler. “Goodnight, Yuan-er.”

“I hope you die in your sleep!” came the toddler’s reply.

“Yuan-er!”

Luo Binghe’s eyebrows flew upwards at the child’s vehemence, but he said nothing more. He entered his own room, which was just the way he had left it. He flopped down happily on his bed and pulled the blanket over him. He was asleep in minutes.

___________________________

The next morning, Luo Binghe was busy preparing congee, which was Shizun’s favourite breakfast food, when Shizun entered the kitchen and slipped the empty plate and bottle into the tub meant for washing dirty plates with a wink at Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe’s heart lifted when he saw nothing but crumbs on the plate. Yuan-er had eaten his food! Perhaps this meant that the toddler was softening towards him!

He was rudely disabused of this notion when he brought out the trays of food, only to see the toddler standing there, arms folded, glowering at him. Still, Luo Binghe was determined to try to get along with him.

“Did you like the snacks Bing-gege made for you, Yuan-er?” he asked.

Yuan-er scrunched up his face in disgust. “First of all, I am never, ever calling you that. Also, your food was terrible. I only ate it because I got too hungry.”

Luo Binghe knew full well how good his cooking was, but he understood that not everyone liked the same thing. “Alright, next time I will make you something else,” he promised. “And Yuan-er can call me Luo Binghe then, if you don’t want to call me gege.”

The toddler scowled even harder.

Luo Binghe searched for another topic to talk about with the toddler. He noticed that Yuan-er was wearing a ring-shaped jade amulet, similar to the one Shizun had just given him. He fished out his own amulet from under his robes to show to the toddler.

“Look Yuan-er, we match!” he announced.

The toddler immediately tore off his amulet and flung it against the nearest wall.

“Yuan-er, that wasn’t very nice,” scolded Shizun as he picked up the fallen amulet.

“I refuse to wear anything matching with the-him!” retorted the toddler as he pointed at Luo Binghe.

Shizun sighed. “If that’s how you feel, then you don’t have to. Now come and eat.”

At the dining table, Yuan-er sat beside his father. He then insisted on swapping both his and Shizun’s bowl and cup. Shizun sighed again, but allowed the toddler to do as he pleased. Breakfast today was a quiet affair, with everyone concentrating on their own meal. It pleased Luo Binghe to watch the toddler eat his food without any complaint, despite the scowl on his face.

And then the toddler threw his tea in Luo Binghe’s face.

“YUAN-ER!” yelled Shizun.

Luo Binghe swiped a hand over his face. Ah, this brought back memories of the day he entered Qing Jing Peak. He had been so happy and excited back then, proud that this beautiful, elegant man had selected him out of so many others to be his disciple. It had felt like a dream come true.

And then the beautiful, elegant man had poured hot tea on his head and walked away from him, leaving Luo Binghe to kneel on the floor, drenched in tea, trying not to cry but failing so very badly, wondering what he had done wrong to offend his new Shizun so.

That beautiful, elegant man was now kneeling in front of him, gently dabbing at his wet face with his own handkerchief.

“Is Binghe hurt anywhere?” asked his Shizun, as he used his long, slender fingers to tilt Luo Binghe’s face this way and that, to check for any injuries.

(If it got Shizun to touch him like this, then Yuan-er was welcome to throw tea on him everyday).

“No, Shizun,” answered Luo Binghe. “The tea wasn’t hot anyway.”

His Shizun smiled at him. “Well, that’s a relief.” He patted Luo Binghe on the shoulder. “Binghe should quickly go and change, or else he’ll be late for class.”

He turned to his son, who was back in the contraption from yesterday. “You, on the other hand, can sit in baby jail and think about what you’ve done.”

The toddler gripped the bars of his prison and glared at his father. “This wouldn’t have had to happen if you had just done what I told you to do, and kicked the be-brat out!”

“And I told you that I wasn’t going to do that,” said Shizun, rather coldly.

Looking at the father and son pair glaring at each other, Luo Binghe decided to do as Shizun had told him to do, and quickly left to change.

On the way to the lecture hall, Luo Binghe ran into Ning Yingying, who immediately flung herself at him.

“A-Luo, you’re back!” she cried. “When did you come back? Have you met Yuan-er already? What took you so long anyway? Did something happen on the nighthunt? Shizun and I were starting to get worried about you!”

“I came back last evening. Nothing happened on the nighthunt. It was just that the bridge I was planning to take got destroyed, and I had to take a detour which added a few days to my journey, that’s all. Yes, I’ve met Yuan-er. He doesn’t seem to like me much though,” answered Luo Binghe.

Ning Yingying’s eyes went wide. “Eh? What do you mean he doesn’t like you, A-Luo?”

Luo Binghe related to her the events of yesterday and this morning. After he had finished, Ning Yingying chewed on her lip as she thought. Suddenly, she smacked her fist in her palm.

“I know why Yuan-er doesn’t like you!” she announced.

“Why?” asked Luo Binghe.

Ning Yingying pointed a finger at him. “Because Yuan-er sees you, Luo Binghe, as his rival for the position of Shizun’s special little boy!”

Luo Binghe bristled at this. He was Shizun’s special little boy and no - all right, maybe he could see where the toddler was coming from. Hmmm. Luo Binghe supposed that he could be magnanimous enough to allow Yuan-er to believe that he was Shizun’s special little boy in that case.

“So, what should I do about it, Ning-shijie?” he asked.

“You just have to be nice and patient with him,” she replied. “If he’s naughty, let Shizun deal with him. He’s Yuan-er’s father, after all.”

Ning Yingying’s face went serious. “A-Luo, you really have to be patient with him, no matter how naughty he is. Poor Yuan-er’s been through enough already.”

Luo Binghe raised his eyebrows. “Because of his mother passing away?”

Ning Yingying shook her head. “Yuan-er’s mother didn’t die.” She quickly looked around her before leaning close to Luo Binghe. “I heard that Yuan-er’s mother abandoned him on the Qing Jing Peak stairs,” she whispered. “If Shizun hadn’t found him then, gods know what would have happened to him!”

If Shizun hadn’t found him, then the stair sweeper would have done so. But yes, there was the possibility that a toddler playing on the steep stairs could fall and hurt himself, or even worse.

Still, hearing Yuan-er’s story made Luo Binghe feel sorry for the little boy. At least his own mother had loved and cared for him, despite her poverty.

“I’ll do my best,” he promised.

“You can do it, A-Luo. You got Shizun to change his mind about you, you can definitely change Yuan-er’s,” said Ning Yingying, voicing Luo Binghe’s unspoken hopes.

“Thanks, Ning-shijie,” he replied.

Ning Yingying raised her thumb in the odd way she had learned from Shizun. “Good luck.”

Luo Binghe grinned at her, warmed by her encouragement.

“What are you two doing, dawdling like that?” roared Ming Fan from behind them, making them both jump. “You’re going to be late for class!”

Ning Yingying and Luo Binghe shared a significant look. And then as one, they both started racing towards the lecture hall, ignoring Ming Fan’s calls for them to slow down.

__________________________

At their next meal together, Yuan-er kicked up a fuss when he tried to reach for his cup only for his father to move it away from him.

“Give me back my cup!” demanded the toddler, as he tried to reach for it.

Shizun moved the cup even further out of his reach. “People who throw tea on other people don’t get to hold their cups,” he lectured. “If Yuan-er is thirsty, then Baba will hold his cup for him.”

The toddler scowled at him.

“If Yuan-er really wants to hold his cup though, then he has to apologise to Binghe for throwing tea on him this morning,” continued Shizun.

“Not in a thousand years,” retorted Yuan-er.

“Then Yuan-er doesn’t get to hold his cup for today and tomorrow. Maybe even longer,” replied Shizun.

The toddler glared at Luo Binghe as if it was solely and entirely his fault that the toddler wasn’t allowed to hold his own cup, and then proceeded to sulk for the rest of the meal.

Luo Binghe had plans to try and reach out to Yuan-er, but seeing the child’s bad mood, he decided to put off his plans for tomorrow. Tomorrow, he would try to make friends with Yuan-er, he vowed to himself.

The next day, Luo Binghe stepped out of his room only to feel as if he had stepped on a dull knife. He raised his foot only to see that he had stepped on a piece of Duplo. Looking at the floor, Luo Binghe could see more Duplo pieces scattered outside his room. He knelt down to pick them all up. Honestly, Yuan-er needed to be more careful with his toys. Duplo was expensive.

Luo Binghe remembered full well how the young master of the house his mother had served, had become the envy of his friends when his parents bought him a Duplo set. He remembered watching the children play with envy, until the young master caught him looking and threw a wooden block at him to chase him away. And now here he was, picking up Duplo pieces. His younger self would have gone wild with glee.

The toddler was watching him. Luo Binghe smiled at him.

“Would Yuan-er like to play Duplo with me?” he asked.

The toddler shook his head. “Those pieces will have to be thoroughly cleaned after you’ve touched them with your filthy hands anyway,” he sneered.

“Yuan-er, that was a mean thing to say,” scolded Shizun, as he bustled up towards them. “Now say sorry to Binghe.”

“Never!” cried Yuan-er, folding his arms defiantly.

Shizun picked him up and plopped him back into his little prison. “Then you’ll have to stay in baby jail for a while,” he informed the toddler.

The toddler scowled at his father, and then turned his back on him with a sniff. Shizun then turned to him and took the Duplo pieces from him.

“I’m sorry for his behaviour, Binghe,” apologised Shizun.

Luo Binghe shrugged. “It’s fine, Shizun. I’m sure Yuan-er didn’t mean it.”

“Yes, I did!” called the toddler from his prison.

Shizun looked over his shoulder at his son. “You, hush,” he ordered.

He then turned back to Luo Binghe. “Don’t pay any heed to Yuan-er for now, Binghe,” he advised. “He’s still very upset to have to share the house with someone else, but I’m sure he’ll eventually warm up to you once he gets to know you better.”

The toddler muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “in your dreams”.

Luo Binghe nodded. “If you say so, Shizun.”

It looked like his plans for getting along with the toddler had to be put to the backburner for today too.

______________________________________________________

Despite Luo Binghe’s attempts, Yuan-er rejected all of his overtures of friendship. Shizun, realising his son’s hostility towards Luo Binghe was not abating, did his best to keep them apart, but the toddler would take every opportunity to seek out Luo Binghe and try to bite, pinch or kick him. Luo Binghe quickly learned to dodge the toddler whenever he saw him coming towards him.

It was rather like playing tag, Luo Binghe mused to himself. Not that he had ever played tag before, not counting running away from dogs and bullies. He didn’t think most games of tag ended with the chaser dropping to the ground and throwing a tantrum though.

Sometimes Luo Binghe would take pity on Yuan-er, and let him “catch” him. His robes protected him from the worst of the toddler’s bites, as long as he kept his arms and hands away. And as for the pinching and kicking… well, Luo Binghe had worse.

However the game ended, Shizun was sure to quickly swoop down on them, scoop up the toddler and carry him off despite his wails, for a drink and a nap afterwards.

“Thanks for tiring him out, Binghe,” whispered Shizun as he put Yuan-er down in his cot/ prison for a nap. “He knows that he still needs naps or else he’ll get cranky, but he’s so stubborn about taking them usually.”

Freed from the almost-perpetual scowl he wore around him, Luo Binghe had to admit that the toddler looked rather adorable as he clutched his toy soldier to his chest in his sleep.

“It’s alright, Shizun,” he assured his teacher. “I don’t mind playing tag with Yuan-er.”

Shizun snickered. “Don’t call it that around him, it’ll only make him angry.” He paused. “Well, angrier,” he amended.

Shizun tucked the blanket gently around his son. “I’m sure he’s realised it already, but he doesn’t want to admit it to himself,” he continued, almost to himself.

“Shizun?” asked Luo Binghe, confused.

Shizun shook himself. “Anyway, now that someone is asleep and out of the way, let’s get on with your sword fighting lesson.”

“Yes, Shizun,” said Luo Binghe, and he dashed off to his room to get Zheng Yang.

_________________________

While it was easy for Luo Binghe to dodge the toddler’s attacks, his insults were a lot harder to dodge. “Brat” was rather rich, coming from someone who wasn’t even three feet tall, and Luo Binghe knew full well that he wasn’t “stupid” or “useless” or “incompetent”. And as for “Baba only took you in because he felt sorry for you”, well Luo Binghe only had to recall the day of the demonic invasion to know that that wasn’t true.

Shizun was always quick to catch his son whenever he started insulting Luo Binghe though. Each time he did, he would pick up the child and carry him off for a walk in the bamboo forest. Luo Binghe had no idea what he said to the toddler, but Yuan-er would always be brought back in a sulky mood, and then he’d proceed to ignore Luo Binghe for the rest of the day.

And then there were the other incidents.

There was one time when Luo Binghe had been scrubbing the floor, when Yuan-er had come dashing in on muddy feet. Before Luo Binghe could open his mouth to warn him, the toddler had slipped and fallen right on his behind. The look of combined outrage and shock on the child’s face had been so comical that Luo Binghe couldn’t help but laugh at him.

That had been a mistake, because the toddler went bright red with rage. He then shrieked at Luo Binghe and then ran and pushed over his bucket of soapy water. But before he could do anymore, Shizun picked him up from under his arms and held him up.

“Now, that’s quite enough, young man,” scolded Shizun.

“He laughed at me!” yelled the toddler, kicking his legs in the air.

“You deserved it,” replied Shizun remorselessly. “Who told you to go running on a wet floor, hmm? Now let’s go get you cleaned up.”

Shizun then mouthed an apology to Luo Binghe before whisking his son off to the bathroom. Luo Binghe shook his head slowly as he righted his bucket. Honestly, if Yuan-er wanted to upset him by getting the floor dirty after he had cleaned it, then he needed to try harder. Ming Fan and his other shixiongs had done the same thing to him multiple times with greater effect before this, after all. And then they’d punish him for not cleaning properly. At least with Yuan-er, even if he hadn’t fallen, Luo Binghe knew Shizun would’ve stopped him before he made too much of a mess. And Shizun wouldn’t ever punish him for his son’s naughtiness.

Then there was that other time where Luo Binghe had been doing the laundry, only to hear a fwump come from behind him. He had looked over his shoulder to see what it was, only to see one of the robes he had hung out to dry, lying on the ground, and Yuan-er already pulling on a second garment, wearing the most spiteful look he had ever seen on a baby.

“No,” said Luo Binghe firmly.

The toddler looked him in the eye, and then proceeded to yank hard on the garment, bringing it to the ground. Before he could reach for a third one though, Luo Binghe grabbed him by the ankle the way he’d seen Shizun do before, and held him upside-down. Yuan-er screeched as he held up his robes so that they wouldn’t fall over his head.

“Put me down! Put me down!” yelled the little boy.

“No,” said Luo Binghe again.

The toddler glared at him, then took a deep breath and then let out the most ear-splitting scream that Luo Binghe had ever heard a human being make. Luo Binghe winced and clapped his free hand over one ear in a futile attempt to block out the child’s screams.

Shizun came rushing out almost immediately. “What happened? What happened?” he cried.

Luo Binghe held out the toddler to his Shizun. “Yuan-er wanted to help me with the laundry, but I don’t think he’s old enough to help,” he explained.

Shizun’s eyes went to the clothes lying in the dirt. “Sure he did," said Shizun sceptically.

He then took his son from Luo Binghe, holding him right side up, and sighed. “Do I even have to say it by this point?”

Yuan-er folded his arms. “Go ahead and put me in the crib, if you want to so much,” he grumbled.

Shizun sighed again and then gave Luo Binghe a sheepish smile. “Binghe, this master apologises for Yuan-er’s poor behaviour.”

Luo Binghe smiled back at his teacher. “It’s alright, Shizun. He didn’t do much harm anyway.”

Shizun’s brow furrowed, but he didn’t say anything further. He then turned around and marched back into the bamboo house, still carrying his son in his arms.

Luo Binghe picked up the clothes lying on the ground and chucked them back into the laundry basket. Yuan-er really hadn’t given him much extra work. Not compared to the young master of the house he and his mother used to serve. Now that one would sometimes wait until he and his mother had finished hanging all the clothes out to dry, only to strew them in the mud when they went to rest. Then of course, his mother would receive a scolding from the head servant and be forced to clean the garments all over again. Even with Luo Binghe doing his best to help, it had still been hard for her. His poor mother. How she had suffered in life.

Luo Binghe shook himself, clearing his head of all those old memories and went back to doing the laundry. Yuan-er might think that he was bullying him, but really the worst of his naughtiness was just annoying at most.

And that brought him to today. Yuan-er hadn’t caused any incidents lately. Either the little boy had finally gotten tired of creating mischief for Luo Binghe, or he was up to something. Whichever it was, he definitely could handle it, thought Luo Binghe as he pulled on his boot. Immediately, he felt a sharp, stabbing pain in his foot. Luo Binghe quickly pulled his foot out. He didn’t have to overturn the boot to know that someone had put thorns in it.

Luo Binghe turned to his right to see Yuan-er staring at him. In the distance, he could hear Shizun’s footsteps approaching them. Luo Binghe stared back at the toddler. As Shizun’s footsteps came closer and closer, Luo Binghe, still maintaining eye contact with the little boy, slipped his foot back into his boot.

“Ow!” he cried out, a little louder than he normally would have.

“Binghe, what’s wrong?” asked Shizun.

“There’s something in my boot,” replied Luo Binghe. He pulled his foot out again and turned his boot upside down and shook it. As he had expected, some thorns fell out of the boot.

“Huh. I wonder how that got there,” said Luo Binghe, deliberately not looking at the toddler.

Shizun put his hands on his hips as he looked at his son. “Oh, I can imagine how it got there, alright.” He turned back to Luo Binghe. “Binghe, you go to class first. I need to talk to my son.”

“Yes, Shizun,” replied Luo Binghe. He shook out the second boot which also turned out to contain thorns, and then checked both boots again for any other nasty surprises. Once that was done, he slipped his boots on and headed off in the direction of his morning class. However, instead of going straight to class like a good disciple, Luo Binghe double backed to the bamboo house, making sure to keep out of his Shizun’s sight.

It was mean of him, he knew. But he couldn’t help but want to hear Yuan-er get a scolding from Shizun for putting thorns in his boots. He didn’t have to wait long before he heard Shizun’s voice.

“Thorns in his boots? Seriously, original goods? Seriously?”

Luo Binghe frowned. Original goods was an odd choice for a nickname, especially one for a toddler.

A sniff. “If you don’t want to see your precious golden child hurt, then you should pack him off to the dormitories, like I told you to do before.”

“And like I’ve told you a hundred times before, I am not doing that.”

A pause, and then. “Why do you hate him so much anyway? He’s never done anything to you.”

There was a long silence.

Finally, Shizun sighed. “Baby jail for you, then. I’ll let you out once I finish my qin class. I shouldn’t be gone for longer than half a sichen, anyway.”

And that was Luo Binghe’s cue to leave before Shizun caught him eavesdropping. He quickly scurried off to class before Shizun could come out of his house.

_________________________

When Luo Binghe returned to the bamboo house after a long day of classes, he was surprised to find Yuan-er still in his crib. Shizun never put Yuan-er in baby jail for longer than half a sichen, after all. Either he had forgotten to take the toddler out - which was unlikely - or the toddler had done something to earn him another stint in his crib.

Luo Binghe looked around the house and saw that the door to his room was left ajar. Which was odd because he always kept his door closed.

“Shizun?” he called.

“In here, Binghe,” came Shizun’s voice from his room.

Luo Binghe entered his room to find Shizun sitting on his bed, sewing up a ripped bedsheet. He wasn’t very good at sewing, judging from the messy, uneven stitches, but Luo Binghe couldn’t help but fall deeper in love with him. Oh, Shizun. No other immortal master would deign to mend their disciple’s ripped up bedsheet with their own two hands, but him. How could Luo Binghe fall in love with anyone else after meeting him?

Shizun looked up from his mending. “I’m sorry, Binghe,” he apologised. “Yuan-er got into your room when I wasn’t looking and made a mess, I’m afraid.”

There wasn’t any other mess in the room from what Luo Binghe could see. Shizun must either have caught his son before he could do anything else but rip up Luo Binghe’s bedsheet, or whatever mess there had been was easy to fix.

Luo Binghe shrugged. “It’s fine, Shizun.”

“No, it’s not!” retorted Shizun heatedly. “Binghe deserves better than to be harassed in his own home!”

Oh, Shizun. Luo Binghe hadn’t realised how upset he really was by his son not only refusing to get along with Luo Binghe, but actively trying to chase him away.

“Shizun, it really is fine,” repeated Luo Binghe, in a softer tone.

Seeing his master’s sceptical face, Luo Binghe hastened to explain. “Shizun, before this disciple came to Qing Jing Peak, this disciple was often bullied by other boys. Many of those boys had parents of their own. But even when those boys hurt me in front of their parents, their parents never did anything to stop them. They never told their sons that it was wrong of them to hurt me, much less apologise to me on their sons’ behalf. Yuan-er is still very young, and Shizun hasn’t had him for very long, so of course he doesn’t know how to behave.”

Luo Binghe took a deep breath. “Also, Shizun is very fast at stopping him whenever he is naughty, so it’s not like he gets to do anything really bad.”

His Shizun smiled at him and reached out a hand to briefly cup Luo Binghe’s face. “My Binghe has such a good heart.”

Luo Binghe glowed at the praise. Shizun had called him good! Shizun had called him “his Binghe”! It was well worth a ripped bedsheet if it got him this.

Luo Binghe’s eyes went back to the bedsheet. “Shizun, I could-”

“No, Binghe,” interrupted Shizun firmly.

Clearly, Shizun was going to be stubborn about this. Well, that left one thing for Luo Binghe to do. He went up to Yuan-er’s crib and gently smiled down at the little boy. Yuan-er scowled up at him, clutching his toy soldier as if it was a weapon.

“It’s alright, Yuan-er,” said Luo Binghe, deliberately pitching his voice loud enough for Shizun to hear. “Bing-gege forgives you for being so naughty.”

As he expected, the toddler flew into a tantrum.

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu hummed to himself as he worked on his latest painting at the dining table. It should have been at his study table, but alas said table was currently cluttered with scrolls of paperwork that he was too lazy to move aside, let alone actually work on. He was painting a fight between a Giant Leopard-Viper and a Three-Tusked Boar-Bear that he had been fortunate enough to see (from a safe vantage point, of course).

Shen Qingqiu sighed at the memory. It had been amazing to see those two magnificent creatures for himself. What a pity that said battle had ended in the death of both beasts. At least Mu Qingfang had appreciated him and Liu Qingge (who he had been with at the time) bringing the monster carcasses over to Qian Cao Peak to be turned into medicinal ingredients.

Pre-transmigration, Shen Qingqiu had known that the original goods was a great master of the four arts. But what he hadn’t realised until after he transmigrated, was that it meant that Shen Qingqiu’s paintings were highly sought out in both the mundane and cultivation world. Just one of his paintings could fetch a pretty price on the market. Which meant extra pocket money for him.

The toddler scum villain entered the room and seated himself at the table, head propped on his hands as he watched Shen Qingqiu paint.

“Nice painting,” he said.

“Thank you,” replied Shen Qingqiu.

“Must be nice to be able to jump into someone’s body and profit from all their hard-earned skill,” remarked the toddler scum villain, almost idly.

Shen Qingqiu put his brush down. He was getting very tired of all these snide remarks. He had thought that he and the original goods were starting to get along before, but Luo Binghe’s return had set their relationship back a good few steps.

“And like I’ve told you before, I didn’t have a choice in this matter,” he said, looking straight at the toddler scum villain. “Do you think I want to be you? With your terrible fate coming up in a few years time? If I had been given the choice, I would rather have been a completely mundane person with a long, happy life ahead, than you.”

(If Shen Qingqiu had been given the choice, he would have chosen to transmigrate into Mobei-Jun. Now there was a character with Author’s Favourite stamped all over him. And the cool ice powers and teleportation ability didn’t hurt either).

The original goods rolled his eyes in clear disbelief.

Shen Qingqiu felt his temper spike. “Do you want me to recite Shen Qingqiu’s fate to you? Because here it is: within the dark, gloomy room, a metal chain hung from a beam. At the end of the chain dangled a ring. The ring was fastened around a person’s waist - if that could still be considered a ‘person’. This ‘person’s’ appearance was filthy and dishevelled, like that of a madman. The most frightening thing was that all four of his limbs had been severed. His shoulders and thighs were only four bare knobs of flesh. When touched, he would let out a hoarse ‘ahhh’ sound. His tongue had been torn out too, rendering him unable to form complete words.”

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but derive some small amount of satisfaction from the original goods’ face going pale with horror. He arched an eyebrow at him. “Oh? Did I forget to tell you that Shen Qingqiu doesn’t actually die from getting turned into a human stick?”

The toddler scum villain stared at him. “Why does this person hate me so much?” he whispered.

Because you constantly tormented him for five years for no good reason. And to add insult to injury, you personally consigned him to a living hell for another five years afterwards, replied Shen Qingqiu silently.

What he said out loud was, “Shouldn’t you know that?”

The toddler scum villain looked away. He was silent for a while, and then he asked, “Have any of the spies reported back yet?”

Shen Qingqiu shook his head. “No, not yet.”

The toddler scum villain folded his arms, still not looking at Shen Qingqiu.

“Useless, the whole lot of them,” he grumbled. “What are we even paying them for if they can slack off like this? You better go hound them for results.”

That really wasn’t necessary since neither Fa Meilien nor the ex-disciples had anything to do with the destruction of Cang Qiong or him getting turned into a human stick, but it wasn’t like Shen Qingqiu could tell him that.

“Alright,” he agreed.

The original goods eyed him suspiciously, but subsided.

He was quiet for the rest of the day, choosing to stick close to Shen Qingqiu’s side, and shooting him odd looks from time to time.

Ah, the original goods must be really worried about his own fate, should the worst come to pass. Shen Qingqiu wanted to pat him on the head and tell him not to worry, that the blackened Luo Binghe, even at his worst, had never harmed children, so he should be fine. But to be safe, could he please stop antagonising the protagonist at every opportunity? However, since he couldn’t tell him about Luo Binghe, Shen Qingqiu settled for patting him on the head.

The toddler scum villain accepted the head pats meekly, without his usual glare.

Wow. He must be really more scared than he was letting on. Shen Qingqiu was starting to feel bad about telling him about Shen Qingqiu’s fate in PIDW.

Even Luo Binghe had picked up on the original goods’ odd mood. After dinner, he pulled Shen Qingqiu aside on some pretext and quietly asked, “Shizun, is Yuan-er feeling alright? He hasn’t said or done anything mean for the entire day.”

Shen Qingqiu sighed. It really said a lot about how much Luo Binghe was putting up with, if he thought a day without insults or any nasty behaviour meant that something was wrong. His poor little sheep.

“I think that he has a touch of the flu, but he should be fine,” lied Shen Qingqiu. “But if he doesn’t get any better, I’ll bring him to Qian Cao Peak for a look.”

Luo Binghe nodded. “I hope he gets better soon, Shizun.”

The next day, the toddler scum villain was only a little better than he was yesterday. Shen Qingqiu tapped his own forehead with his fan as he wondered how to make him feel better. His gaze fell on his bookshelves. Ah, he just remembered that he had promised to lend Qi Qingqi a certain book. He should drop by Xian Shu Peak and pass it to her. He could take the toddler scum villain along with him too. Perhaps a change in scenery would lift his mood. Shen Qingqiu put the book in his pouch, picked up the original goods and set off.

“Where are we going?” asked the original goods.

“Xian Shu Peak,” answered Shen Qingqiu. “Qi-shimei asked to borrow a certain book.”

“And I’m coming along because?”

“Because she wanted to see you too, of course.”

“Hmph,” said the original goods. “If she pinches me on the cheek, I’m biting her.”

“I’ll be sure to warn her about that,” assured Shen Qingqiu.

The toddler scum villain grunted again and flopped against his chest, thus ending their conversation.

Thanks to Without-A-Cure, Shen Qingqiu didn’t dare to use Xiu Ya to fly over to Xian Shu Peak while carrying a toddler, so he used the rainbow bridge to walk there instead, smiling and nodding at the people he knew as he walked.

One of them was Yue Qingyuan, who smiled and nodded back at him. The toddler scum villain didn’t say anything to him, but Shen Qingqiu saw his eyes follow the sect leader as he walked back to Qiong Ding Peak.

Shen Qingqiu felt a stab of guilt. He had promised himself to try to fix their relationship, but he had gotten so busy, dealing with Peak business and teaching his disciples. And it didn’t help that the original goods refused to tell him anything about it. Every time Shen Qingqiu brought up the subject, he’d either feign deafness or yell at him to mind his own business. So difficult! How was he supposed to help both of them when he didn’t even know what had happened between them? Shen Qingqiu sighed inwardly.

Soon, they reached Xian Shu Peak, and Qi Qingqi was pleased to see that Shen Qingqiu had brought her the book and invited both him and the toddler for tea on her veranda.

“Such good manners Yuan-er has for someone so young,” praised Qi Qingqi as she watched the original goods politely sip his tea. “Shen-shixiong, you’ve really taught your son well.”

Shen Qingqiu scratched his cheek. He really couldn’t take credit for this, but it wasn’t as if he could tell his shimei that. The original goods didn’t say anything, but Shen Qingqiu saw his lip curl slightly as he continued to sip his tea with perfect poise.

Three of the Xian Shu flowers suddenly made an appearance.

“Shen-shibo, is this your son? He looks so cute! Can we play with him?” they chirped, looking at the toddler with the predatory gaze of an older girl wanting to play dress-up with a cute child.

The toddler scum villain took one look at them and inched closer towards Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Qingqiu put an arm around him. “Shizhi, Yuan-er is very shy around people he doesn’t know,” he explained. “Perhaps another day?”

“Oh don’t worry, Shen-shibo, we promise that we’ll be gentle with Yuan-er,” assured one of them.

Were they even listening to what he was saying?

Another one of the girls held her arms out to the toddler scum villain and tried to coax him to come to her. “Yuan-er, come play with Tan-jiejie. I have some candy in my room that we can share,” she cooed sweetly at him.

Ah Tan-shizhi, what are you saying? Don’t you know that you sound like every kidnapper in a cliche? You’re only missing the white van!

The toddler scum villain gave her a suspicious look and pressed even closer to Shen Qingqiu.

One of the other girls made as if to pick the toddler up herself, but backed off when Shen Qingqiu glared at her.

The female protagonist then made an appearance. “Shimeis, stop disturbing Shen-shibo and his son,” scolded Liu Mingyan. “Can’t you see that you’re scaring poor Yuan-er?”

The three flowers shuffled awkwardly and bent their heads in contrition together, making meek apologies, before running off.

Once they were gone, Liu Mingyan approached the toddler scum villain and leaned down towards him. “Yuan-er, would you like to come to Liu-jiejie’s room?” she asked. “I’m sure that you’re bored listening to Shizun and your baba talk. I have some nice books that we can read together.”

The original goods narrowed his eyes. “No dress-up games?”

“No dress-up games,” promised Liu Mingyan solemnly.

The original goods pointed a finger at her. “No kissing and pinching of any sort,” he ordered.

“No kissing and pinching at all,” promised Liu Mingyan again.

The original goods immediately took her hand and let her lead him off, without so much as a backward glance at Shen Qingqiu. Smart of him to go off. If he had stayed any longer, Qi Qingqi might have tried to go in for a cheek pinch, despite the warning Shen Qingqiu had given her, judging from the glances she had been giving the toddler from time to time.

“Forgive my disciples’ enthusiasm, Shen Qingqiu,” said Qi Qingqi. “They so rarely get to see children as young as your Yuan-er, much less have a chance to play with them.”

She took a sip from her cup. “And many of them have younger siblings that they sorely miss, but now rarely get a chance to see.”

“Yes, that’s understandable, but they still can’t treat him like a plaything,” argued Shen Qingqiu. “He’s a little boy, not a teddy bear.”

Qi Qingqi nodded. “True, true. But enough of that, let’s talk about other things instead.”

So he and Qi Qingqi sat and talked about the progress of their own disciples (in which Shen Qingqiu couldn’t resist bragging about Luo Binghe), their other martial siblings and Qi Qingqi’s latest nighthunt where she had gotten to see a rare Silver-spotted Dragon Mule.

Soon, it was time for him to leave and he bade Qi Qingqi farewell before going to pick up the original goods from Liu Mingyan’s room. The toddler scum villain turned out to be fast asleep, with his head on a cushion and a thumb in his mouth. He stirred when Shen Qingqiu picked him up, but settled down again when Shen Qingqiu rubbed his back soothingly.

“Thanks for babysitting him, Liu-shizhi,” said Shen Qingqiu.

“Oh, it was no trouble at all, Shen-shibo,” replied Liu Mingyan. “Yuan-er was very well-behaved.”

Shen Qingqiu nodded to her, and carried the sleeping toddler scum villain back to Qing Jing Peak. As soon as they reached the bamboo house, Shen Qingqiu tucked him in his crib. Impulsively, he put the toy soldier in the original goods’ free hand, upon which he immediately clutched it to his chest.

Shen Qingqiu gazed down at the sleeping toddler scum villain. Awww, he really looked so cute like this. If Shen Qingqiu only had his smartphone with him, he would immediately snap a picture of him and post it on his WeChat account.

Ah, if only he had his smartphone with him, he could also take pictures of Luo Binghe and all the cool monsters he got to see. People need to know how amazing monsters (and the protagonist) are!

As Shen Qingqiu was lost in his daydreams, a knock came on his door. Shen Qingqiu went to open it, only to find Yue Qingyuan standing outside.

“Ah, Qingqiu-shidi, I hope I’m not bothering you, but I’ve brought Yuan-er a toy.” Saying that, Yue Qingyuan pulled his present out from his sleeve.

It was a white stuffed cat, with a decidedly grumpy expression on its face. Shen Qingqiu had to use his fan to hide his amusement. This toy definitely suited the toddler scum villain, alright!

“Thanking Zhangmen-shixiong for the toy,” replied Shen Qingqiu, taking the stuffed cat from him. “Yuan-er is having his nap right now, but I’ll be sure to give it to him when he wakes up.”

Yue Qingyuan smiled. “You’re welcome, shidi.”

But instead of leaving, Yue Qingyuan still stood in the doorway, shifting his weight from side to side. Shen Qingqiu refrained from tapping his foot against the floor. Zhangmen-shixiong, you’ve already given the toy. If there’s anything else, either spit it out or leave!

“Did Yuan-er like the other toy I got for him?” asked Yue Qingyuan, the words practically falling over themselves in his haste to get them out.

Shen Qingqiu felt a sudden rush of fondness for this man. Ah Zhangmen-shixiong, you really like kids, don’t you? Pity all the women here are destined for Luo Binghe’s harem, or else you could find yourself a nice wife and have children of your own.

Instead of answering him, Shen Qingqiu took him by the hand, led him to the crib and pointed downwards.

Yue Qingyuan brought his hand to his mouth and let out an “oh” as he looked down at the sleeping toddler, still clutching his toy soldier in his sleep.

“He sleeps with that toy every night,” said Shen Qingqiu quietly. “He won’t let anyone else touch it. Not even me.”

Yue Qingyuan smiled at Shen Qingqiu. “I’m glad he likes it, Qingqiu-shidi.” He then went back to looking at the sleeping toddler scum villain, eyes going all misty again. “Ah, Yuan-er really is so very adorable.”

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes. “Oh, he’s cute now, when he’s asleep. But you won’t believe how much trouble he’s been giving me when he’s awake.”

Yue Qingyuan raised his eyebrows. “Oh? What has he been doing to trouble you so?”

Shen Qingqiu hesitated. It didn’t seem right to talk behind the original goods’ back, but - oh fuck it, he needed to complain to someone and maybe Yue Qingyuan would have an insight into his behaviour. Still, he wasn’t going to do it here. The original goods may be an adult trapped in a two-year-old’s body, but nobody needed to hear their parent complain about them to others.

Shen Qingqiu motioned to Yue Qingyuan to go outside. He nodded and left the house, with Shen Qingqiu following behind. As soon as they were some distance away from the bamboo house, Shen Qingqiu launched into his complaint.

“You won’t believe how he acted when Luo Binghe came back from his nighthunt,” he started. Yue Qingyuan listened to him solemnly as he ranted.

“-I don’t know how poor Binghe puts up with it,” continued Shen Qingqiu. “I swear I’m going to nominate that child for buddhahood with all that he- Zhangmen-shixiong, why are you laughing?”

Yue Qingyuan was indeed chuckling quietly to himself.

“I’m sorry, shidi, but I just couldn’t help but think of something,” answered Yue Qingyuan, eyes dancing merrily as he spoke. “Qingqiu-shidi, isn’t it obvious that Yuan-er is jealous of Luo-shizhi?”

Wait, the original goods was jealous of Luo Binghe?? Why would he ever be jealous of him? Of course, there was a lot to be jealous about, but it’s not as if Shen Jiu knew about Luo Binghe’s protagonist status.

“He wants his Baba all to himself, so he’s trying to chase Luo-shizhi away,” continued Yue Qingyuan, looking into the distance as if recalling a fond memory.

Shen Qingqiu whipped open his fan to conceal his jaw drop. Zhangmen-shixiong, what are you saying? This isn’t like a little boy getting angry about the new baby his parents have brought back from the hospital, you know?

Yue Qingyuan shook his head, as if returning to the present and reached out to pat Shen Qingqiu on the shoulder. “I think that Qingqiu-shidi is doing all the right things though,” said Yue Qingyuan. “You punish him when he does wrong, but you still carry him around and spend time with him, so he knows that you still care about him.”

Shen Qingqiu wept internally. Zhangmen-shixiong, no, you’ve got it all wrong. I have to carry him around and keep an eye on him because if I don’t, he’ll immediately run off to harass poor Binghe.

“Just continue with what you’ve been doing,” suggested Yue Qingyuan. “Eventually, Yuan-er will see that you’re not going to throw him away in favour of Luo-shizhi, and then he’ll calm down.” He paused. “Try not to get your hopes up about him becoming friends with Luo-shizhi afterwards though.”

Shen Qingqiu rubbed his temples. “At this point in time, I’ll take him ignoring Luo Binghe as a win.”

Yue Qingyuan laughed again.

Shortly after that, Yue Qingyuan left to return to his own Peak. Staring at his back, Shen Qingqiu came to a decision. And that decision was: fuck it! I’ve got to help these two become friends again, lack of information or not! Doing something is better than nothing, right? Shen Qingqiu nodded to himself. He’d start Operation Help Yue Qingyuan And The Original Goods Become Friends Again tomorrow!

___________________________________

The next day, Shen Qingqiu put some of the original goods’ toys in a qiankun pouch, including the white stuffed cat and the Duplo set, and put the pouch in his sleeve. Once that was done, he picked up the toddler scum villain and walked out of the bamboo house.

“Where are we going this time?” asked the toddler scum villain.

“It’s a surprise,” replied Shen Qingqiu.

The toddler scum villain scowled at him. “Didn’t I tell you before that I hate surprises?”

“Don’t worry, this isn’t a bad surprise,” assured Shen Qingqiu.

The original goods folded his arms. “If it’s anything like baby jail, I am going to hit you where it hurts.”

Shen Qingqiu laughed nervously. God, he hoped that his plan worked.

Soon, they reached their destination, aka Qiong Ding Peak. Having been here many times before, Shen Qingqiu walked right up to the sect leader’s house and entered without bothering to knock. He found Yue Qingyuan in his study, at his table doing paperwork.

Ah Zhangmen-shixiong, no need to be so hardworking, okay? Some of us haven’t even touched the paperwork yet.

Yue Qingyuan looked up from his work, and smiled kindly at him. “Ah, Qingqiu-shidi. What has brought you to Qiong Ding Peak today?”

“Zhangmen-shixiong, can I ask you for a favour?” asked Shen Qingqiu.

Yue Qingyuan nodded. “Of course, shidi. What is it?”

Shen Qingqiu set the toddler scum villain down on the floor and pulled out the qiankun pouch. “Could you babysit Yuan-er while I run an errand, please?”

“What?” cried both the sect leader and the toddler scum villain at the same time, as they both stared at Shen Qingqiu.

“I shouldn’t be gone for long, but I’ve brought some of Yuan-er’s toys in the qiankun pouch for him to play with if he gets bored,” said Shen Qingqiu as he slowly backed away. He smiled brightly at them. “I know you got off on the wrong foot before, but think of this as a fresh new start! A clean slate, so to speak!”

The toddler scum villain looked as if he wanted to strangle him. Yue Qingyuan didn’t say anything, but his eyes darted back and forth from toddler to Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Qingqiu paused in the doorway, and pointed a finger at the original goods. “Play nice,” he ordered before closing the door.

Shen Qingqiu walked away as quickly as he could, without breaking the facade of cool, elegant immortal. He relaxed when he didn’t hear any calls from behind him. He’d give those two a sichen alone before he returned to pick up the original goods. Maybe they’d have started to patch things up by then. He could only hope for the best.

Shen Qingqiu whiled the time away by teaching his disciples how to play “Rhapsody Of Youth” on the qin. He felt a little bad claiming that it was an original work, but it wasn’t as if copyright existed here, much less Naruto.

After the time was up, Shen flew over to Qiong Ding Peak, entered the sect leader’s house and pressed his ear against the office door. Hmmm. He didn’t hear any screaming, so he supposed things must have gone well in his absence. Heartened, Shen Qingqiu opened the door.

He found Yue Qingyuan sitting cross-legged on the floor, with the toys scattered around him and a Duplo house nearby. Upon seeing him, Yue Qingyuan smiled up at him.

“Ah, you’re back, Qingqiu-shidi,” he said. “I do think that Yuan-er is starting to warm up to me.”

The toddler scum villain in question had his jaws clamped around Yue Qingyuan’s left forearm, and was gnawing furiously on it as he spoke. Shen Qingqiu could see multiple bite marks, in varying stages of healing, on Yue Qingyuan’s hands and forearms.

Shen Qingqiu groaned. “Zhangmen-shixiong, please raise your standards a bit.”

He went to take the original goods away, ready to pinch his nose shut if he got stubborn again. But this time, he let go easily.

Shen Qingqiu held the toddler up under his arms and looked him in the eye. “Why must you be like this?”

The toddler scum villain only cackled at him in reply.

Shen Qingqiu sighed, resisting the urge to slump down. Of course things wouldn’t be resolved just by leaving these two alone in a room. If it was that easy, they wouldn’t be needing his intervention at all.

He turned to look at Yue Qingyuan. “Zhangmen-shixiong, I am so sorry about his behaviour.”

“It’s fine, Qingqiu-shidi,” replied Yue Qingyuan, sweeping the toys back into the qiankun pouch and handing it to him. He smiled again at Shen Qingqiu. “I had fun playing with Yuan-er.”

Shen Qingqiu tried not to goggle at the man. What did he mean by fun? He had just gotten bitten multiple times by an angry toddler scum villain. How could that be in any way “fun”? He was being polite, Shen Qingqiu decided. Definitely trying to be polite. Yue Qingyuan probably didn’t want to be anywhere near the toddler after this, but was too nice to tell his father that.

“I’m glad you had fun with him then, shixiong,” replied Shen Qingqiu. “And now I have to go. Bye.”

Saying that, he marched back to his own Peak, carrying the original goods in his arms. “What part of ‘play nice’ did you not understand, original goods?” hissed Shen Qingqiu at the child.

“He started it,” retorted the toddler scum villain. “He and his ‘cootchie-cootchie-coo’!” He snorted in derision. “Cootchie-cootchie-coo. He should be grateful I didn’t bite off all his fingers for that!”

Shen Qingqiu raised his eyebrows. “You bit the poor man all over just because he tickled you?”

The original goods sneered. “He deserved it.”

“Baby jail for you when we reach home,” Shen Qingqiu told him.

The toddler scum villain rolled his eyes in response.

Shen Qingqiu sighed again. It seemed like Operation Help Yue Qingyuan And The Original Goods Become Friends Again was a total wash. Perhaps he should put it on the back burner for now?

However by evening, the original goods seemed to be in a better mood than he had been for the past few days. Even his appetite was better now, after he had taken out his frustrations on poor Yue Qingyuan, so perhaps the operation hadn’t been a complete loss? Shen Qingqiu couldn’t be sure. Still, it wasn’t fair to Yue Qingyuan if repeating the operation meant that he got bitten again by an angry toddler, so he’d have to think of something else. He just didn’t know what. Ah, this really was such a pain.

Chapter Text

Liu-shishu was here again for another round of cleansing Shizun’s meridians free of Without-A-Cure. Luo Binghe gripped the doorjamb of the kitchen hard, his fingers biting into the wood, as he watched Liu-shishu put his fingers to Shizun’s wrist.

Shizun never once complained about being inflicted with Without-A-Cure, but Luo Binghe knew it weighed heavily on him. He only had to watch Shizun’s brows unknit and his shoulders slump with relief as the treatment continued to know that.

Still, watching his Shizun with his martial uncle like this, filled Luo Binghe’s heart with a combination of guilt and envy. Guilt, because it was all his fault that his wonderful Shizun had to suffer such a thing. Had he had been more careful after that fight with Elder Hammer, if he had paid attention, his Shizun would never have gotten hurt protecting him. And envy because he wanted to be the one to relieve Shizun of his pain. He had once offered Shizun his help in cleansing his meridians, but Shizun had only patted his head and told him that while he was a sweet boy to offer, it was better that such things be handled by another martial sibling.

One day, Luo Binghe vowed once again, he would find a cure to Without-A-Cure, even if he had to go to the ends of the earth to find it. And then Shizun would never have to rely on Liu-shishu ever again!

One of the other Qing Jing disciples came by, requesting Shizun’s advice on a certain problem. Shizun left the room to speak with said disciple on the verandah, leaving Liu Qingge sitting alone at the table.

Luo Binghe knew that he should be polite and entertain his shishu while Shizun attended to another disciple but honestly, he couldn’t be bothered. Instead, he watched as Yuan-er approached Liu Qingge, hands clasped in front of him like a good little boy.

“Uncle Liu,” called Yuan-er, in the sweetest tones that Luo Binghe had ever heard the child use.

(It set warning bells ringing in his head).

“Yuan-er wants to tell you something,” he continued.

Liu Qingge grunted. “So talk.”

Yuan-er shook his head and made a beckoning motion. “It’s a secret. Uncle Liu should come closer.”

Liu Qingge bent his head down.

“Closer,” crooned the toddler.

Liu Qingge bent even further.

“Closer,” he repeated once again.

Liu Qingge leaned even further down.

As soon as Liu Qingge was close enough for the toddler, Yuan-er immediately poked him in the eye, cackled wickedly and ran to hide behind his father’s robes.

Luo Binghe clapped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing outright at Liu-shishu. It really was amusing to see the toddler’s naughtiness directed at someone other than him for a change.

“Why, you little brat!” snarled Liu Qingge as he rubbed his eye.

Yuan-er giggled at him from the safety of his father’s robes.

“Yuan-er, that was very mean of you,” scolded Shizun, fishing the little boy out from behind him and holding him out from under his arms. “Now, apologise to Uncle Liu.”

Both toddler and war god glared at each other.

Shizun gave his son a little shake. “Yuan-er, apologise now,” he ordered.

Yuan-er sighed as if his father was asking a terribly onerous task of him.

“I’m sorry that you’re stupid,” he offered.

Liu Qingge looked as if he was going to explode.

Shizun gave his son another shake. “Yuan-er, that was not an apology,” he scolded.

“I said sorry,” protested the little boy, twisting his neck to look at his father.

Shizun sighed. “Listen, Yuan-er,” said Shizun, going into lecture mode, “a proper apology consists not only of ‘sorry’, but also an acknowledgment of what you did wrong and a promise not to repeat said action. In this case, a proper apology would be: ‘Uncle Liu, I am very sorry that I poked you in the eye, I promise I won’t do it again’. Now, you try it.”

The toddler pursed his lips and screwed up his face in an expression that screamed to everyone present that he wasn’t going to do it.

“Baby jail,” warned Shizun.

“Go ahead and do it,” retorted Yuan-er.

“What that brat needs is a good spanking!” burst out Liu Qingge as he scowled at the toddler.

“Spanking children only teaches them that the bigger and stronger can hurt those who are smaller and weaker,” retorted Shizun.

This earned him odd looks from both war god and toddler, but Luo Binghe nodded in agreement. How wise of Shizun to see that.

(He deliberately did not think about what his Shizun had been like before his qi deviation two years ago).

Shizun popped Yuan-er into his crib and turned to look at Liu Qingge. His brow furrowed when he saw him still rubbing his eye.

“Shidi, does your eye still hurt?” he asked. “Come, let this shixiong blow on it for you.”

Liu-shishu went beet red. “No need!” He then leaped to his feet. “I need to go,” he announced.

Saying that, he left the bamboo house, got on his sword and flew off, leaving Shizun behind, scratching his head as he watched Liu-shishu go.

“Sometimes I have no idea what’s going on in that man’s head,” muttered Shizun to himself.

Luo Binghe snorted. Had he had his eye poked by a naughty toddler, he would’ve gladly accepted Shizun’s offer to blow on it. He would have relished Shizun’s long, elegant fingers tilting his face up and watching Shizun’s soft-looking pink lips slowly descend upon him and feel his sweet breath on his face as he blew on his eye.

Yuan-er was absolutely right to call Liu-shishu stupid.

Shaking his head at his shishu’s foolishness, Luo Binghe retreated back to the kitchen. It wasn’t everyday that a toddler got to score a victory on the Peak Lord of Bai Zhan, the war god himself. Yuan-er definitely deserved a special treat for this.

___________________________

Shen Jiu snickered to himself as he sat in his crib and replayed the memory of getting to poke the brute right in the eye. He hadn’t really thought that the brute would actually fall for it, considering that the last time they had met, he had bitten him on the leg, but he had. It was well worth a stint in baby jail for that!

The beast approached his crib. Shen Jiu scowled at him, his mood souring as he looked upon the creature. And he’d been having such a good day before this!

It was bad enough, having to share his house with someone else other than the body thief. But for said person to be the beast, was a hundred times worse. But the worst part about it was that Shen Jiu needed to be careful around the wretch - careful in his own house! He couldn’t call him all his old nicknames or be too eloquent around him, lest the beast realise the truth, as the body thief had warned him multiple times.

The body thief had told him that it could go badly for the both of them, if Luo Binghe ever found out the truth. But in all honesty, the body thief was only half-right.

Why would the beast care that Shen Qingqiu had been replaced by an imposter when he had so well profited from the change in his Shizun’s behaviour? If he found out about Shen Jiu on the other hand, Shen Jiu had no doubts that the beast would arrange an “accident” for him. It was what he would do, were he in the beast’s shoes. Children died so easily and of so many causes, after all. Certainly the body thief would never suspect his “little white lotus” of a disciple of murdering his “son”. He was far too trusting for his own good.

“I brought you a snack,” said the beast as he held out a bao to Shen Jiu.

Shen Jiu snatched the bao away from him. Not being a fool however, he tore the bao into half and gave the smaller half to the beast, only biting into his half once the beast had bitten into his. Red bean paste. Oh, the little beast had definitely been paying attention to what he liked. Which meant that he needed to be more careful around him.

“So sweet of Yuan-er to share his bao with me,” gushed the beast. He then perked up. “Does this mean that Yuan-er is starting to warm up to me?”

Shen Jiu could almost see the imaginary puppy dog ears pricking up on the beast’s head and the imaginary puppy tail wagging a mile behind him.

Shen Jiu had always hated dogs.

He rolled his eyes and took another bite of his bao. “No.”

He could almost see the puppy dog ears droop, but the beast managed to rally.

“I liked how you poked Liu-shishu in the eye,” said the beast.

Shen Jiu smirked despite himself. Alright, so that was one memory that was going to keep him warm at night. His smirk faded when he remembered how the brute had reacted when the body thief had offered to blow on his eye. It was a good thing he had chosen to leave instead of taking the body thief up on his offer. If he had to watch his own face come close to the brute’s, Shen Jiu would have rioted on the spot.

“I don’t want to have to call that man ‘A-die’,” grumbled Shen Jiu.

If the brute ever got his head out of his ass and made his intentions clear to the body thief, if the body thief decided to accept the brute’s advances, then-

Then Shen Jiu was going to have to take a short walk off the top of this peak and take his chances in the next life. Better that than having the brute as his stepfather.

The beast nodded. “I don’t blame Yuan-er one bit. I wouldn’t want to call Liu-shishu ‘A-die’ either.”

Shen Jiu scowled at him. “I don’t want to call you ‘A-die’ either.”

The beast blushed.

Shen Jiu dropped his bao as he stared at the beast, appetite entirely lost. He had just been shooting his mouth, but it turned out that the beast - he really was lusting after Shen Jiu’s old body.

Shen Jiu’s skin crawled at the thought of it. Had he been in his old body, he would have had to wash it a hundred times over to rid it of the stain of the beast’s leering.

First the brute, and now the beast. Just what was wrong with the body thief to attract such flies?

Shen Jiu shuddered with revulsion. How nauseating, how utterly disgusting. Even the body thief himself would-

Wait.

Wait a minute.

The body thief was a soft-headed fool, but even he wouldn’t want a perverted disciple running about his house, leering at him and doing disgusting things like sniffing his undergarments when he was supposed to be washing them.

Finally, after so long, Shen Jiu could see the light at the end of the tunnel; a future where he wouldn’t have to put up with the wretched beast living under his roof.

A grin crept on his face as he envisioned the beast lying outside the bamboo house, snivelling and weeping, with his few possessions strewn about him as the body thief with a cold look on his face, pointed an unyielding finger in the direction of the dormitories.

Ah, he’d rather the body thief kick the wretched creature off his Peak - or better yet, kill him outright - but alas, the man was too soft for either of those options, so Shen Jiu would just have to settle for having the beast out of his house. He cackled as he thought of that future.

The beast’s eyes were wide as he watched Shen Jiu cackle. He looked rather nervous.

Good. He should be.

“I’m telling,” breathed Shen Jiu.

The beast’s eyes practically bugged out of his skull. “Don’t tell,” he begged.

Shen Jiu picked up his fallen bao and bit into it with relish, appetite regained as he watched the beast grovel in front of his crib.

“Yuan-er, please! Don’t tell Shizun,” begged the beast. “I’ll- I’ll make you whatever snacks you want! What sweets does Yuan-er want to eat? This Binghe will make them for you! Whatever you like!”

Shen Jiu did have a sweet tooth, but there was not one sweet in the entire world that would change his mind about the beast. Not even if it was the extremely rare treat known as chocolate that Shen Jiu had had the privilege of tasting once in his life.

(That sweet had been one of the few gifts that Yue Qi had given him that Shen Jiu had actually enjoyed).

“Don’t make him so many sweets,” came the body thief’s voice from behind the beast.

The beast nearly jumped in the air at the sound of his voice.

“Yuan-er is still young and too many sweets will spoil his teeth,” continued the body thief, a slight frown on his face.

He clearly had come in time to hear the last end of the beast’s begging. Or else, he would surely have asked what they were talking about.

“Shizun,” said the beast, sounding like he was about to tear up.

“Baba,” chirped Shen Jiu sweetly. He held his arms out to the body thief. “Can I be let out of baby jail now?”

The body thief sighed. “Well, I suppose you’ve served your time already.”

Saying that, he picked Shen Jiu up and put him on his hip. He then turned around to face the beast.

“Binghe,” he said kindly. “It’s very nice of you to want to make friends with Yuan-er, but you don’t have to try to curry favour by making sweets for him, alright?” He then patted the beast on the head. “Binghe should just make what Binghe wants to make, alright?”

The beast looked down at the floor. “Yes, Shizun,” he mumbled. “This disciple will go to make dinner now.”

The body thief smiled at him. “This master is looking forward to Binghe’s cooking then.”

The beast nodded, and then fled to the kitchen.

The body thief slanted a look at Shen Jiu. “Just what were you and Binghe talking about earlier?” he asked quietly.

Shen Jiu could tell him now what he had discovered, but he wanted the beast to suffer a bit first.

“Oh, I may or may not have hinted that I might like him better if he grovelled in front of me and promised to make me sweets,” replied Shen Jiu.

The body thief flicked him on the forehead. “Stop trying to bully Binghe,” he ordered.

Leave the little wretch be? Especially after discovering his dirty little secret?

“Never,” vowed Shen Jiu, as he rubbed his forehead.

The body thief sighed. “What did I even expect?” he muttered to himself.

Shen Jiu snickered at him, which turned into a yelp, when the body thief flicked him on the forehead again.

___________________________

The beast brought the dinner in with slightly shaking hands and a downcast face. Shen Jiu eyed the food suspiciously. If the beast wanted him dead to keep him from talking, then poisoning today’s dinner was a good way to do it.

“Baba, I want to eat from your bowl,” announced Shen Jiu.

The body thief pushed his bowl over to him.

“No, I want us to share,” explained Shen Jiu.

He doubted that the beast would poison his precious Shizun, so eating from the same bowl as him should be safe. Also if the body thief picked up a poisoned morsel, it was likely that the beast would react to it, which made their sharing even better.

The body thief raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you also want me to feed you?”

Well, that was an excellent suggestion, just in case the beast poisoned the eating utensils instead of the food.

“Yes,” replied Shen Jiu.

The body thief put his hands on his hips as he looked at Shen Jiu. “How old are you again?”

Shen Jiu smirked. Oh, the body thief had walked right into that one. He put up two fingers and chirped, “Two!”

“Aren’t you a big boy who can feed himself?” asked the body thief, clearly reluctant to feed him.

Well, this called for Shen Jiu to pull out the old weapons he had used as a street urchin begging on the street.

Shen Jiu looked up at the body thief and made his eyes go as big and round as they could. A secret pinch to his inner arm made them water. Next, he jutted out his lower lip and made it tremble.

“Baba, can you please feed Yuan-er?” he asked, in the most pitiful tones he could summon.

The body thief immediately caved in. “Alright, alright, I’ll feed you. Here, open wide.”

Shen Jiu obediently opened his mouth for the body thief to feed him. He repressed a smile. What a sucker the body thief was, falling for the old tricks Shen Jiu had used as a child. The tricks that he hadn’t forgotten despite all this time.

The beast was staring at them oddly. Shen Jiu sneered at him. He had no reason to stare at them. There was nothing strange about a father feeding his little son, after all.

Oh, but it was fun to see the beast being so nervous about Shen Jiu revealing his true nature. Instead of chattering away to the body thief during their meal like he usually did, he was silent instead. He pushed his food around his plate more than he put it in his mouth, and he was clumsy today, dropping morsels and utensils every now and then.

Shen Jiu smirked. It was good to see the beast squirm like the worm he always knew he was. Still, he felt the urge to throw stones at this wretch in a well, so he turned to the body thief and went, “Baba, did you know-”

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the beast’s eyes grow wide and his whole body tense up.

“That-” continued Shen Jiu slowly, drawing out his words.

The beast’s eyes grew even wider and he shook his head minutely at Shen Jiu.

“That?” prompted the body thief.

“That Ning-jiejie uses jasmine scented shampoo whenever she washes her hair?” finished Shen Jiu, as innocently as possible.

“No, I did not know that,” replied the body thief as he took another bite. “But good for her, I suppose.”

Shen Jiu watched the beast slowly relax. Once the beast looked comfortable, he said again, “Also Baba, did you know-”

The beast immediately tensed up again.

“-that Ming-gege likes Ning-jiejie a lot?” continued Shen Jiu.

“Yes, I did know that, but frankly that’s between the two of them to sort out,” answered the body thief.

Shen Jiu watched as the beast slowly relaxed again.

He did this a few more times throughout their meal, taking great pleasure in the beast’s reactions. Ah, today was shaping up to be a wonderful day, what with getting to poke the brute and yank on the beast’s chain.

The body thief put his chopsticks down with a click.

“Binghe, are you coming down with something?” he asked as he put his palm on the beast’s forehead. “You look so pale and you’ve barely eaten-” he took the beast’s wrist to check his pulse “-and your hands are clammy. Do you want me to take you to Qian Cao Peak for treatment?”

The beast leaned into the body thief’s touch. Shen Jiu watched this play out with a sneer on his face. What a revolting display of father-son love. It was made even more disgusting by the fact that the “son” in this scenario had lustful feelings for the “father” here. The only thing that soothed Shen Jiu’s temper was the knowledge that the beast would soon be out on his rear.

“No Shizun,” said the beast finally. “This disciple doesn’t need to go to Qian Cao Peak.”

The body thief frowned. “Still, you’re clearly unwell.” He nodded. “Binghe should go to bed early in that case. Rest well and hopefully you’ll feel better in the morning.”

“But Shizun, the dishes-” protested the beast.

“This master will take care of the dishes,” replied the body thief firmly. “Binghe should go to bed now.”

The beast nodded and headed to the side room. He cast the body thief one last forlorn look - which the body thief completely missed on account of picking up the plates and bowls - before closing the door.

Shen Jiu smiled wickedly at the closed door. He hoped that the beast tossed and turned the entire night long.

Still, that left him with a quandary. Should he tell the body thief now and put the beast out of his misery, or should he make him suffer a little longer? Shen Jiu tapped his chin as he pondered the matter over.

Shen Jiu was so lost in thought that before he knew it, he was being popped into his crib for a good night’s sleep. As he watched the body thief prepare for bed, Shen Jiu finally came to a decision. And that decision was: screw it, he’d rather the beast not spend another day in his house!

“Body thief,” called Shen Jiu from his crib. “I have something to tell you.”

The body thief yawned as he laid in his bed. “What is it this time, original goods?”

“It’s about the beast,” said Shen Jiu. “You need to get rid of him right now.”

The body thief flung an arm over his eyes. “Not this again,” he groaned.

“Yes, this again,” replied Shen Jiu as he clutched the bars of his crib. “I know that you like the beast for some reason, but it’s imperative that you kick him out of this house for your own good.” He lowered his voice. “I’ve found out his deep, dark secret, you see.”

Now that got the body thief’s attention. He immediately sat up. “What is it?” he demanded.

Shen Jiu pressed himself against the bars of the crib. “Listen to me,” he said urgently. “The beast is lusting after you. You need to kick him out before the creature makes good on his desires.”

To his surprise, the body thief flopped back down on the bed.

“Oh, that’s a good one,” laughed the body thief. “Real creative there, original goods.”

What?

“I’m not lying!” insisted Shen Jiu. “Listen to me-”

“No, you listen to me,” countered the body thief, as he turned to glare at Shen Jiu. “Luo Binghe is not gay. He’s going to be ah, very popular with the ladies in the future.”

What on earth did the beast not being light-hearted have anything to do with this?

“You-” started Shen Jiu.

The body thief jabbed a finger in his direction, interrupting Shen Jiu. “And even if there was an itsy-bitsy, teensy-weensy chance of him liking men, he would not be interested in his old teacher in that way.”

He then turned around and pulled the blanket over himself. “Now goodnight, and let me hear no more of this.”

Shen Jiu gritted his teeth as he clenched the crib bars. Why, that stupid ungrateful-

Recognising an impending tantrum, he whirled around and punched his pillow repeatedly in an attempt to alleviate it. He had expected some amount of scepticism from the body thief, but he didn’t expect the fool to completely disbelieve him! Since when had Shen Jiu ever lied to him? That moron! That complete nincompoop!

Shen Jiu punched the pillow until he was exhausted, and then laid down in his cot. He glared at the sleeping figure of the body thief.

You know what? Fine. Fine! Let the consequences fall on the body thief’s head - or his chrysanthemum, as the case may be. When the beast finally made his move, Shen Jiu was going to take great pleasure in pointing and laughing at the body thief and saying “I told you so”.

Deciding that, Shen Jiu pulled his own blanket over himself, clutched his toy soldier to his chest and fell asleep.

_________________________

It was a lovely day on Qing Jing Peak. The birds chirped sweetly in the trees, a light breeze blew and the sun shone at just the right intensity, neither too harsh nor too dim. It was the kind of day that would bring peace and serenity to any young scholar who wandered the peak.

Unfortunately, Shen Jiu could enjoy none of it, his mood utterly spoiled by the body thief’s refusal to believe that his “sweet, innocent little sheep” of a disciple could ever be interested in men, let alone be lusting after his Shizun.

Sweet innocent little sheep, his foot! More like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, if Shen Jiu ever saw one. And like any wolf, the beast was just circling around, waiting for the right opportunity to pounce on the hapless fool that was the body thief.

But try convincing him of that!

Shen Jiu kicked his feet angrily as he sat on the verandah, holding his white stuffed cat in his lap as he scowled at the scenery. And he was so sure yesterday that the beast would be sent packing by today!

The body thief had teased him this morning for “sulking”. But if anyone had the right to sulk, it was him, having to deal with a wretched beast living in his house and lusting after his old body. Anyone would sulk if they were in his position!

A tanghulu came into Shen Jiu’s view. Said tanghulu was attached to the beast’s hand, who proffered it to him.

“Is it poisoned?” asked Shen Jiu, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

The beast sighed. “No, it’s not poisoned.”

Shen Jiu grabbed the tanghulu away from him, and bit into it. If it was poisoned, then the silver lining here would be that he’d never have to put up with seeing the beast’s ugly face day in and day out ever again.

“You know, I’m really worried about what kind of life you had before you came here for you to be so worried about poison all the time,” remarked the beast.

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes as he continued to bite and suck at his tanghulu. As if the beast actually cared.

Hmmm, this was pretty good tanghulu. Not that he was ever telling the beast that.

The beast slowly looked left, and then right, and then left again. Shen Jiu immediately tensed up. There was no point in trying to escape - the beast was much faster than him. But if the beast thought that with no witnesses around, now was the best time to bury Shen Jiu, then he’d best prepare for a fight.

Instead of attacking, the beast crouched down and said in a low voice, “Thanks for not telling Shizun about you-know-what, Yuan-er. I really appreciate it.”

Shen Jiu snorted, and took another bite out of his tanghulu. He had told the body thief about the beast’s perverted desires. The imbecile had just refused to believe him.

The beast smiled at him. “You know, I really like you, Yuan-er.”

Shen Jiu snorted again. What a little liar. Just how stupid did the beast think he was?

“No, really,” insisted the beast, eyes all round and earnest. “You’re very cute and funny - especially when you try and fail to bully me.”

Shen Jiu glowered at the beast. Now the wretch was mocking him. Well, laugh all you want for now, beast. One day, he would find a way to get rid of him once and for all. Then, they’d see who was laughing!

_______________________

The body thief lightly poked his cheek. “Awww, is my cute little son still sulking?” he cooed, eyes twinkling with mirth.

Shen Jiu glared at the offending finger. If the body thief poked him one more time, he was going to bite that finger off.

“Does Yuan-er want Baba to feed him again?” cooed the body thief once more.

Shen Jiu’s lip curled. Did the body thief really want to do this? Well, two could play that game. He made his eyes go big and round.

“Yes, Baba,” he said meekly, and opened his mouth.

The body thief hesitated, his eyes flicking to the beast, but then he used his chopsticks to feed Shen Jiu some noodles. Shen Jiu obediently ate the noodles, then opened his mouth once again for another round of feeding.

The beast was once again staring oddly at them. Shen Jiu sniffed the air and frowned. Was that vinegar he smelled?

As an experiment, he moved to sit in the body thief’s lap. The man’s eyes widened, but he made no move to remove Shen Jiu from his lap.

The vinegar smell grew even stronger.

Shen Jiu repressed a smirk. O-ho, the beast was jealous. He was good at hiding it, yes, but Shen Jiu could see how that servile smile was a little too fixed, how he gripped his chopsticks a little too tightly and how his glittering eyes watched Shen Jiu being fed by the body thief. No doubt he wanted to be in Shen Jiu’s place. Well too bad for him, because at the end of the day, the beast was just a disciple - albeit a favoured one - and Shen Jiu was the Peak Lord’s toddler son. There was a huge difference to what they both could get away with.

And now to twist the knife even further. He looked up at the body thief and once again made his eyes grow big and round.

“Baba, can Yuan-er have a kiss?” he asked sweetly.

The body thief raised his eyebrows, clearly wondering what Shen Jiu was playing at.

Shen Jiu made his eyes tear up. “Please?”

The body thief immediately folded like the sucker he was, and pressed a kiss on Shen Jiu’s head. Out of the corner of his eye, Shen Jiu saw the beast grip his chopsticks even harder. If the beast gripped it any harder, those chopsticks would splinter and break. He smirked. No kisses for you either, you wretched little beast!

It was pathetic, he knew, to act like a spoiled child in front of the body thief just to yank on the beast’s chain. But he was only a toddler now, and his options for dealing with the beast were limited. Even more so since the body thief kept interfering with Shen Jiu each time he tried something. He’d take his victories where he could, no matter how petty they were. Right until he found a sure-fire way to get rid of the beast, that was. And he would, one of these days. Just wait and see.

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu had no idea what had gotten into the toddler scum villain lately. He was just so sticky these days, demanding cuddles and kisses and to be hand fed and to sit in Shen Qingqiu’s lap during mealtimes. To make matters worse, he always did it in front of Luo Binghe, so Shen Qingqiu had no choice but to acquiesce to his demands, lest the protagonist think him a horrible father for refusing his cute little son.

That he was up to something, Shen Qingqiu had no doubt - but he just couldn’t think of what. Whenever he asked the original goods, the toddler simply smirked and claimed that if he couldn’t figure it out himself, then he was certainly not going to tell. But no matter how much Shen Qingqiu scratched his head, he couldn’t think of a reason for the toddler scum villain’s sudden stickiness.

On the bright side, he wasn’t chasing after Binghe anymore, though he still made nasty remarks from time to time. On the other hand, Binghe seemed a little moody these days.

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t think of a reason for the protagonist’s moodiness either. The toddler scum villain was easing up on him, he was doing well in his studies and cultivation, and he was getting along with the other disciples of Qing Jing Peak. It couldn’t be love troubles - Shen Qingqiu hadn’t seen the protagonist hanging out with other girls at all lately. Not even Ning Yingying, who was busy making friends with disciples from the other peaks.

Wait a minute.

That was it!

Luo Binghe was feeling down because his childhood sweetheart was spending time with other people, instead of him! Shen Qingqiu made a mental note to pair the two of them up for any upcoming missions. That would bring the couple closer together, and lift his little sheep’s mood. Shen Qingqiu smiled as he lightly fanned himself. Ah, he was such a genius to figure it out. Luo Binghe, when you finally become the Demon Emperor and marry Ning Yingying, please think fondly of your old Shizun. No human sticking, okay?

“Shen-shixiong seems to be in a good mood,” noted Mu Qingfang.

“I just figured out the answer to a problem, that’s all,” replied Shen Qingqiu as he continued to fan himself.

The two of them were in another Peak Lord meeting, but the meeting had all but wound down at this point.

Qi Qingqi leaned forward. “What problem?”

Shen Qingqiu waved a hand. “Oh you know, disciples being moody and all.”

“Shen Qingqiu, that’s hardly a problem,” complained Qi Qingqi. “Teenagers are always moody.”

“I think that it’s good that Qingqiu-shidi is so concerned over his disciples,” said Yue Qingyuan, his usual big-brother-like smile on.

Qi Qingqi scoffed at him. “Zhangmen-shixiong, you’d think it good if Shen Qingqiu decided to go to the moon tomorrow!”

Shen Qingqiu covered his face with his fan. Shixiong, shimei, if you’re going to fight, please leave me out of it!

But Yue Qingyuan continued to smile and Qi Qingqi settled back down again. Shen Qingqiu breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t know what he’d do if his martial siblings did decide to fight.

Soon, the meeting was over and all the Peak Lords could finally leave. Shen Qingqiu was getting up to leave when Yue Qingyuan asked him to stay behind for a while. Ah, he hoped that it wasn’t because of a problem with the paperwork that he had submitted just before the deadline. Good thing that he had the protagonist to help out with that!

“What is it, Zhangmen-shixiong?” asked Shen Qingqiu as soon as they were alone.

Yue Qingyuan smiled at him. “I just wanted to ask how Yuan-er is doing, that’s all.”

“Calming down in regards to Luo Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu told him. “Though he’s very sticky these days for some reason.”

Yue Qingyuan nodded. “He’s probably feeling insecure about his place with you and wants reassurance that his Baba still loves him.”

Zhangmen-shixiong, please! I don’t know why the original goods is so sticky lately, but I can say with confidence that you are 100% wrong!

“If you say so,” replied Shen Qingqiu dubiously.

Yue Qingyuan put his hands in his sleeves. “Also, I wanted to tell you that if you’re ever in need of a babysitter for Yuan-er, then I’m always happy to do it.”

Shen Qingqiu nearly dropped his fan in shock. Zhangmen-shixiong, what are you saying? The toddler scum villain’s bitten you both times you were in the same room together and you still want to babysit him?

There was only one explanation for Yue Qingyuan’s behaviour.

The man had come down with baby fever.

Shen Qingqiu internally wept as he lit a few candles in his heart for Yue Qingyuan. The poor man’s biological clock was ticking, but alas, there were no available women for him to marry and have children with, so he was latching onto the toddler scum villain to assuage the need in his heart. The poor thing!

Wait a minute. Qi Qingqi had never become a member of Luo Binghe’s harem, so maybe she and Yue Qingyuan could get together? Shen Qingqiu had thought of courting her himself before, but he never had the courage to actually do so, and to be honest, he couldn’t see them as a couple. So in that case, he’d absolutely support Yue Qingyuan and Qi Qingqi dating. But try as he might, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t see them as a couple either. The same went for Yong Qingli, who also had never been made a wife of Luo Binghe. Maybe he should talk to the original goods about this.

And Yue Qingyuan was still waiting patiently for an answer.

“I’ll think about it,” replied Shen Qingqiu hurriedly. “And now if you’ll excuse me, shixiong.”

“Of course, Qingqiu-shidi,” said Yue Qingyuan graciously.

Shen Qingqiu nodded to him and made his way back to Qing Jing Peak, still weighing his options for Yue Qingyuan’s partner in his mind.

__________________________

“So, do you think Qi Qingqi would be a good wife for Yue Qingyuan?” asked Shen Qingqiu.

The toddler scum villain was sitting across from him and eating by himself for a change, since Luo Binghe was now off on a nighthunt with Ning Yingying. He frowned, but swallowed his mouthful before replying.

“Body thief, why are you trying to pair those two up all of a sudden?” he asked.

“Well, Zhangmen-shixiong seems very fond of children - he’ll definitely be a good father for sure. But obviously, he can’t marry just anyone, and Qi-shimei is a Peak Lord and they already have a good relationship, so maybe they could get together?” answered Shen Qingqiu.

The original goods shook his head. “Won’t work. Qi Qingqi is only interested in women, for one.”

“Qi Qingqi is a lesbian?!” gasped Shen Qingqiu. This wasn’t mentioned in PIDW at all!

The original goods frowned at him again. “What’s a lesbian?”

“A woman who likes other women,” replied Shen Qingqiu.

“That’s what I just said.” The toddler scum villain waved his chopsticks in his direction. “Stop making up your own words, body thief,” he ordered.

“Yes, yes,” agreed Shen Qingqiu. “Guess that leaves us with Yong Qingli then.”

“She also likes women.”

Shen Qingqiu resisted the urge to faceplant right into the table. Both women were a lost cause then. Sorry Zhangmen-shixiong, your shidi has failed you. Now you’re doomed to be a bachelor for the rest of your life.

“Ah, and he’d probably make some woman a good husband too,” moaned Shen Qingqiu.

“I pity any woman who marries him,” grumbled the toddler scum villain as he bit into a piece of carrot. “He’d break all his promises to her, that’s for sure.”

Shen Qingqiu perked up. Finally a clue to their troubled relationship!

“Is that what happened between the two of you? Yue Qingyuan broke a promise?” he asked eagerly.

The original goods stabbed his chopsticks into a piece of leek, with all the force he could muster, which still wasn’t much on account of him being a toddler.

“How many times do I have to tell you this, body thief?” growled the toddler scum villain. “Stay. Out. Of. Our. Business.”

Shen Qingqiu held out both his palms, trying to calm him down. “Alright, alright, I’ll leave it be.” For now.

The original goods glowered at him, but when Shen Qingqiu didn’t press any further, went back to eating.

Shen Qingqiu tapped his chin thoughtfully. “If Qi-shimei likes women and Yong-shimei likes women, then maybe-”

“They used to date when we were disciples together, but ultimately broke up as they decided that they were better off friends than lovers,” interrupted the original goods.

Shen Qingqiu slumped down. It seemed that none of his martial siblings were lucky in love - not even the gay ones.

Ah, but back to the matter of Yue Qingyuan. Perhaps Shen Qingqiu should allow him to babysit the toddler scum villain from time to time. Perhaps that would assuage the need in his heart for children. Especially if the toddler scum villain kept biting him. That settled, Shen Qingqiu continued with his dinner.

The next day, Shen Qingqiu bundled up the toddler scum villain and some toys and made his way to Qiong Ding Peak.

“Shixiong, I hope you don’t mind but I’ve brought Yuan-er over to be babysat,” said Shen Qingqiu as he barged into Yue Qingyuan’s office, toddler scum villain in tow.

“Qingqiu-shidi, what a pleasant surprise,” replied Yue Qingyuan. “Of course I don’t mind babysitting Yuan-er.”

He waved cheerfully to the original goods, who stuck his nose up in the air and pretended to ignore him.

Shen Qingqiu inwardly sighed. This did not bode well for the babysitting session, but he set the toddler scum villain down on the floor.

“No biting Uncle Yue, do you hear me, Yuan-er?” he ordered sternly.

“Yes, Baba,” replied the original goods slyly.

Shen Qingqiu narrowed his eyes at the toddler scum villain. That sounded a lot like “yes, I heard you” instead of “yes, I’ll obey you.”

He pointed a finger at him. “Behave,” he ordered once again.

The toddler scum villain stared at him with wide eyes and put his thumb in his mouth, looking like the very picture of innocence. Even more suspicious. Oh well, perhaps Yue Qingyuan had learned from the previous babysitting session and now knew not to let his teeth near his hands, and he did have a class to teach anyway, so he nodded to Yue Qingyuan and headed back to his peak, hoping that the two would get along better this time.

He didn’t have much hope though.

A sichen later, Shen Qingqiu walked back into Yue Qingyuan’s office to pick up his son. He was unsurprised to find a thoroughly bitten sect leader with a toddler attached to his arm once again.

Shen Qingqiu pulled the original goods off him, who let go easily. He held up the toddler scum villain and looked him in the eye.

“What did I tell you not to do?” he asked.

The toddler scum villain cocked his head to one side, eyes all round and innocent. “Bite Uncle Yue?” he replied.

“And what did you do?” he asked once again.

The toddler scum villain smirked. “Bite Uncle Yue!” he declared gleefully.

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “Why must you be like this?”

The toddler scum villain only sniggered in reply.

He looked over to Yue Qingyuan, who was busy sweeping the original goods’ toys back into his bag. Was it just him, or did it seem like there were more Duplo pieces than they were originally?

“Zhangmen-shixiong, once again this shidi must apologise for his son’s behaviour,” said Shen Qingqiu.

Yue Qingyuan smiled up at him. “It’s fine, Qingqiu-shidi. It was my fault for angering him anyway.”

Zhangmen-shixiong, do you realise that you sound like a battered wife making excuses for her husband’s behaviour?

“Zhangmen-shixiong, you shouldn’t blame yourself,” said Shen Qingqiu firmly. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Yue Qingyuan only looked down at the toys he was putting away and didn’t answer. Once he was done with that, he proffered the bag to Shen Qingqiu with a smile. Shen Qingqiu took it, nodded at his sect leader and walked off with the original goods in his arms.

“Is it so hard for you to not bite poor Yue Qingyuan?” hissed Shen Qingqiu.

“That man deserves worse than a few bites,” retorted the original goods. “Why did you leave me with him anyway?”

“I thought it would cure him of his baby fever,” explained Shen Qingqiu.

The toddler scum villain raised his eyebrows. “Baby fever?” he echoed.

“Well, it’s the only explanation I can find to why he wants to babysit a mean kid like you for free,” snapped Shen Qingqiu. “The poor man must be desperate for babies of his own, if he’s willing to put up with you using him as a chew toy!”

The original goods frowned. “I don’t think he has baby fever.”

“Do you have a better explanation then?” asked Shen Qingiu.

The toddler scum villain shook his head.

“Then we’re going with my theory,” decided Shen Qingqiu. “Also, you’re going to baby jail after this.”

The original goods groaned, but didn’t argue any further. Shen Qingqiu resisted the urge not to sigh. Ah, he still felt bad about Yue Qingyuan getting bitten. He should have known the scum villain would do this sort of thing again. Maybe he shouldn’t let Yue Qingyuan babysit him anymore. He’d get over the baby fever eventually, right?

__________________________________

A few days later, Yue Qingyuan showed up at the bamboo house. He smiled at Shen Qingqiu.

“I hope you don’t mind me visiting, Qingqiu-shidi,” he said.

“Of course not, Zhangmen-shixiong,” said Shen Qingqiu automatically. “Please, come in.”

He then led the sect leader in, and called for Binghe to make tea and snacks for them. The toddler scum villain had been reading earlier, but upon seeing Yue Qingyuan, he immediately made a beeline towards him. Yue Qingyuan smiled even wider when he saw him and put out a hand to pat him on the head. Shen Qingqiu grabbed the toddler scum villain just before he could snap at Yue Qingyuan’s hand.

“No biting people,” scolded Shen Qingqiu.

The toddler scum villain scowled at him, and then looked away with a sniff.

He heard Yue Qingyuan murmur “so cute” but decided to ignore him. The two of them drank tea while chatting about sect business, Shen Qingqiu being mindful to keep the original goods in his lap just in case he tried to bite Yue Qingyuan again. More than once, Shen Qingqiu saw Yue Qingyuan’s gaze drop to the toddler in his lap, but each time their eyes met, the original goods would look away.

Poor Yue Qingyuan. It was so obvious that he wanted to cuddle the toddler scum villain and play with him, but considering the toddler’s attitude, Shen Qingqiu was not going to let Yue Qingyuan hold him lest he get bitten once again.

Once their conversation petered out, Yue Qingyuan scooted close to the toddler scum villain sitting in his lap. “Hi, Yuan-er,” he cooed.

The original goods immediately looked in the opposite direction and refused to answer him.

Surprisingly, Yue Qingyuan was undeterred by the toddler’s rudeness, his smile growing even wider at his behaviour. He then moved to the other side, upon which the original goods looked the other way.

“Aren’t you going to look at your Uncle Yue?” asked Yue Qingyuan.

The toddler scum villain promptly buried his face in Shen Qingqiu’s robes. Shen Qingqiu mouthed “sulking” at Yue Qingyuan, to which he nodded.

“Yuan-er, Uncle Yue has a present for you,” wheedled Yue Qingyuan.

He then pulled out a teddy bear from his sleeve and waved it at the original goods. “Why don’t you look and see what Uncle Yue has for you.”

The toddler scum villain then did look at him, but only long enough to grab the teddy bear away from him, hug it to his chest and go back to burying his face in Shen Qingqiu’s robes.

Shen Qingqiu poked him. “Well, what do you say when someone gives you a present?” he prompted.

“Goodbye,” came the toddler scum villain’s muffled reply.

Yue Qingyuan clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh.

Shen Qingqiu poked the original goods again. “Wrong. The correct answer is: thank you. Say thank you to Uncle Yue for the nice present.”

The toddler scum villain paused, and then shook his head.

Shen Qingqiu sighed. Well, this called for drastic measures. He yanked the teddy bear out of the toddler scum villain’s grip. The original goods immediately snapped furious eyes upwards.

“Give me back my toy!” he demanded, hands reaching out for the teddy bear.

Shen Qingqiu held the toy above his head and shook his head. “Say thank you to Uncle Yue, and then you can get your teddy bear back,” he ordered.

The original goods glared at Yue Qingyuan. “Thank you,” he said through clearly gritted teeth.

Yue Qingyuan smiled at him, eyes curving into crescents. “You’re welcome, Yuan-er,” he replied warmly.

Shen Qingqiu lowered his hand. “See? Was that so hard?” he asked.

The toddler scum villain transferred his glare to Shen Qingqiu, grabbed his teddy bear away from him and then gave him a hard pinch before running off with the toy.

Shen Qingqiu pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t know why the original goods had to be so difficult, but then again, he wouldn’t be the scum villain if he wasn’t.

“So cute,” murmured Yue Qingyuan once again as he gazed in the direction the toddler scum villain had run off.

Shen Qingqiu raised his eyebrows. Zhangmen-shixiong, the toddler scum villain tried to bite you and was then rude to you. Just what about that reads “cute” to you? The baby fever is clearly addling your brain!

Yue Qingyuan got up from his seat. “Well, it was good talking to you, Qingqiu-shidi, and your son, but I must be off.”

Shen Qingqiu got up as well. “Of course, shixiong. Let me see you off.”

Once he had seen Yue Qingyuan off, Shen Qingqiu turned to the original goods, who was sitting in a corner, hugging his teddy bear tight to his chest. He glared at Shen Qingqiu again when he saw Shen Qingqiu looking at him and clutched the teddy bear tighter.

Shen Qingqiu sighed. He was going to scold him, but honestly, the toddler scum villain’s behaviour today was mild compared to his usual standards. He hadn’t actually bitten Yue Qingyuan after all, and he hadn’t made any nasty remarks. Therefore, Shen Qingqiu would not put him in baby jail this time around.

After that, Yue Qingyuan would visit the bamboo house every now and then, always bringing with him some sweets or a toy for “Yuan-er”. The same scenario would play out with the original goods trying to bite Yue Qingyuan, sulking when thwarted, Yue Qingyuan would hand him his present and then the original goods would run off, toy or candy in hand. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.

Now, Yue Qingyuan’s behaviour made sense. The man was clearly still in the throes of baby fever, and was latching on hard to the toddler scum villain as a result. The original goods on the other hand? Now that was a mess and a half.

Sure, he’d try to bite Yue Qingyuan at every opportunity and when thwarted, would then sulk and pretend to ignore him. But at the same time, he’d watch him whenever the man wasn’t looking. He kept all of Yue Qingyuan’s toys carefully in his crib, and he’d raise a ruckus if anyone but him touched them. Shen Qingqiu knew it wasn’t a case of him simply being possessive over toys. The toddler scum villain had no issue with throwing away any toys Luo Binghe gave him in front of him, after all. Even the toys Shen Qingqiu had bought for him when he thought him an ordinary toddler didn’t receive this treatment, with the exception of the Duplo set.

It made Shen Qingqiu want to pry open Shen Jiu’s head and take a look inside to see what he was actually thinking. Barring that, he wanted to shake the toddler scum villain hard and yell, why are you acting like this? You care about Yue Qingyuan, you clearly do. Whatever happened between the two of you in the past can’t be that bad if you still care about him, can it? Why can’t you just get over it?

Of course, he would never actually do that because 1. He didn’t want to give the original goods shaken baby syndrome and 2. It would only make the original goods clam up even more. It certainly wouldn’t miraculously cure him of all his issues. Which left Shen Qingqiu stuck dealing with this trashfire of a relationship. Such a pain!

_______________________________

With Binghe away on another nighthunt, Shen Qingqiu found himself playing weiqi once again with the toddler scum villain.

Now, playing weiqi with him was very interesting because Shen Qingqiu had all of the original goods’ considerable knowledge and skill in weiqi, and he knew just how the original goods thought, and the toddler scum villain knew that, so a game between them could go either way. Of course, Shen Qingqiu had to keep an eye on him to ensure he didn’t cheat, because he would try at every opportunity to do so. Also, the original goods was both a sore loser and a sore winner. Whenever he lost, he’d sulk and complain that Shen Qingqiu had “cheated” - ignoring the fact that he himself had tried to cheat earlier on, the utter hypocrite. And whenever he won, he’d lord it over Shen Qingqiu. But it was alright, because Shen Qingqiu knew exactly how to deal with him in both situations.

If Shen Qingqiu won, he’d simply nod and say “yes, what a horrible cheater I am to be thrown into your body and getting all your knowledge as a result. How terrible of me.” And if he lost, he’d smile, clap his hands and coo, “Yay, Yuan-er won! Clever boy! Yuan-er is sooo smart!” Both reactions never failed to enrage the toddler scum villain. It was mean of him Shen Qingqiu knew, but he believed that parents had the right to make fun of their kids. Just a little bit, of course. Making fun of your kids all the time would be cruel.

“So, no more babysitting sessions with the sect leader, huh?” said the toddler scum villain almost idly, as he placed a stone on the board. “Whatever. It’s not like I missed it or anything.”

Shen Qingqiu had to fight not to goggle at him. Tsundere alert! Tsundere alert! Breaking news, the scum villain is a tsundere!

Shen Qingqiu placed a white stone on the board, countering the original goods’ move. “If I let him babysit you again, will you promise not to bite him?”

The toddler scum villain scowled down at the weiqi board for a while. At last he said, “I’ll try,” in a very grudging tone.

He then set a black stone on the board with a loud thwack. “But tell that big idiot that he’s not allowed to tickle or cuddle me.” He scrunched up his face. “No kissing either.”

Shen Qingqiu hid a smile behind his fan. “Alright, I’ll tell him that,” he promised as he placed another stone on the board.

The toddler scum villain nodded as he stared at the board. “See to it that you do,” he ordered as he placed a piece on the board.

“Yes, your highness,” replied Shen Qingqiu impishly as he countered the toddler scum villain’s move.

__________________________

The next day, after checking with Yue Qingyuan, Shen Qingqiu once again bundled the original goods up along with some of his toys, and brought them to the sect leader’s study for another babysitting session.

Shen Qingqiu had a good feeling about the babysitting session this time. Yesterday, the original goods had all but admitted that he had missed Yue Qingyuan. And he had promised not to bite the sect leader this time around. Shen Qingqiu had already told his shixiong about his son’s dislike for physical shows of affection from anyone other than his father and Ning Yingying, so they should be getting along better this time. He left the two of them alone, and left Qiong Ding Peak with a bounce in his step. Ah, he felt like he could add relationship counsellor to the things he was good at, after this.

A sichen later, Shen Qingqiu entered the study, ready to pick up his son and had to stare at the tableau in front of him.

Once again, the toddler scum villain had his teeth sunk into the sect leader’s arm. Shen Qingqiu had to resist the urge not to facepalm or tear at his hair as he wailed to the heavens, why??

Shen Qingqiu plucked the original goods off Yue Qingyuan and held him up to his face.

“Didn’t you promise me that you wouldn’t bite Uncle Yue this time?” he scolded. He wasn’t going to bother to ask the original goods what had set him off this time around. It was likely something petty, something that any other ordinary person would let be, but not the toddler scum villain, oh no.

The toddler scum villain folded his arms. “I said I’d try not to bite him. Key word: try.”

Shen Qingqiu dropped his head. “Why are you like this?” he groaned.

The original goods shrugged.

Ah, this was partially his fault. Shen Qingqiu knew what the original goods was like, after all. Expecting him to behave was like expecting a scorpion not to sting.

Shen Qingqiu transferred the toddler scum villain to be cradled in one arm, and then rounded on the sect leader. “And you! You’re another one!”

Yue Qingyuan pointed to himself as if asking “me?”

Shen Qingqiu jabbed a finger at him. “Yes, you! You know what he’s like! Stop letting him bite you!”

“But he looks so cute when he’s biting people,” protested Yue Qingyuan.

Shen Qingqiu froze. M type! M type! The sect leader’s a M type! Who would have thought that underneath all of Yue Qingyuan’s big brotherliness, laid an incurable M?

Shen Qingqiu jabbed his finger at him again. “Stop it,” he ordered. “I’m trying to teach my son not to bite people. Stop undoing my work here.”

Yue Qingyuan bowed his head. “Yes, shidi,” he replied meekly.

Shen Qingqiu nodded to him and then turned and left Qiong Ding Peak, setting a brisk pace as he walked.

The toddler scum villain tugged on his robes after a while. “This isn’t the direction of Qing Jing Peak. Where are we going?” he asked.

“We’re going to Qian Cao Peak,” replied Shen Qingqiu brusquely.

“What for?” asked the toddler scum villain once again.

“To get you checked for rabies, of course,” snapped Shen Qingqiu.

The original goods scowled at him. “I do not have rabies.”

“Well, you definitely have something considering that you turned poor Yue Qingyuan into an incurable M,” snapped Shen Qingqiu once again.

The original goods poked him in the chest. “Body thief, what have I told you about making up your own terms?”

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes. “An incurable M is a masochist, of course. And a masochist is-”

“I know what a masochist is!” interrupted the toddler scum villain. “And I did not-”

Something seemed to have struck him because he suddenly closed his mouth in mid-sentence and then glared at the ground.

Shen Qingqiu gave him a light shake. “Hah,” he crowed. “Even you have to admit that I’m right.”

Shen Qingqiu then hitched him up higher. “Anyway, it’s off to Qian Cao Peak, we go.”

__________________________________

“No, Shen-shixiong, your son does not have rabies. Or any other infectious disease,” explained Mu Qingfang patiently.

He reached down to pat the original goods on the head but quickly retracted his hand when the toddler tried to bite him.

“He’s just a very bitey two year old, that’s all,” concluded Mu Qingfang. “On the bright side, it looks like your son has a lot of cultivation potential.”

The toddler scum villain smirked at Mu Qingfang’s words and stood up a little straighter, and then yelped when Mu Qingfang successfully pinched his cheek.

“Yes, Yuan-er will be able to join his baba in Qing Jing Peak once he’s old enough,” cooed Mu Qingfang. “Or would Yuan-er like to come to Uncle Mu’s peak instead?”

The toddler scum villain shook his head and then hid behind Shen Qingqiu’s robes, no doubt fearing that Mu Qingfang would pinch his cheek again.

Shen Qingqiu nodded to Mu Qingfang. “Thanking Mu-shidi for my son’s check-up, but I’m afraid we must be off now.”

Saying that, he picked up the toddler scum villain and left for Qing Jing Peak.

The toddler scum villain looked up at him. “Let me guess: baby jail for me once we get back?”

Shen Qingqiu nodded. “Correct.”

The original goods sighed.

________________________________

Shen Qingqiu was getting ready for bed when he heard a familiar, mechanical voice that sounded a lot like Google Translate in his mind.

Hello. Maintenance is now 100% complete. Updates downloaded and installation complete. Thank you once again for using the System （＾_＾）.

Shen Qingiu let his head hit the pillow. Finally, the System was back online. Now, he could finally get some answers.

System, how is it that the original goods is back?

System does not know what Host means.

Shen Qingqiu scowled at the screen. I mean why is Shen Jiu back?

Host is currently Shen Jiu, aka Shen Qingqiu, Peak Lord of Qing Jing Peak, came the System’s reply.

Shen Qingqiu wanted to tear his hair out. “Aargh, that’s not what I’m talking about, you stupid System! Are you sure you updated properly?!.

System is working perfectly, and is ready to provide Host with 24-hour service, came the System’s mechanical voice, sounding a little colder than usual.

Shen Qingqiu put his hands together. Look. Who is in the room with me?

Host is currently alone in his house. Is this a trick question? ಠ_ರೃ

Shen Qingqiu blinked. Repeat that again?

Host is currently alone in his house.

Shen Qingqiu turned to his side. Yup, there was still one sleeping toddler scum villain in his crib. A chill ran down his spine. For some reason, the System couldn’t see the original goods. But why?!

Shen Qingqiu frowned as he considered his options. He could try to convince the System of the toddler scum villain’s presence, but he didn’t trust the damn thing to not harm him. There couldn’t be two scum villains present at the same time, after all. And for all that the original goods could be a complete pain in his neck, Shen Qingqiu didn’t want him hurt, much less dead.

Shen Qingqiu waved the screen away. Never mind. I was just… wondering about some things, that’s all.

He pulled the blanket up to his neck and closed his eyes. He had no idea how to deal with this, so might as well go to sleep.

For some reason, Shen Qingqiu found that sleep eluded him that night.

Chapter Text

The System really couldn’t see the toddler scum villain. And not only that, if the original goods was talking to him, the System would insist that nobody was talking to him. Shen Qingqiu could even put him in his lap, and the System would claim that there was nothing in his lap. Shen Qingqiu had no idea what it meant, but decided to put the matter aside for more important things, like teaching his disciples and the other Peak Lord duties. Moreover, the original goods had gone back to his bad habit of trying to bully Binghe, which was another headache for Shen Qingqiu.

__________________________

The spies had finally sent their reports. Of the six ex-disciples that the original goods had chased off, four were living relatively mundane lives, one was dead and the last went on to be-

“An assistant librarian in Huan Hua Palace?” yelped Shen Qingqiu

The toddler scum villain glanced up from the report on Fa Meilien that he had been reading while sitting cross-legged on the floor. “Very suspicious. If Fa Meilien turns out not to be our culprit, then we’re going to have to investigate that one further.”

Neither Fa Meilien nor the ex-disciple that had gone on to be an assistant librarian in Huan Hua Palace were going to destroy Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, but again Shen Qingqiu couldn’t tell the original goods that.

“So, what does the report say about Fa Meilien?” he asked.

“Married to Lord Tiong, has a nine year old son named Tiong Ling, lives in Tangshu City, clearly keeps up with her cultivation and a whole bunch of unnecessary information,” read the original goods. “Oh, she also goes to Hu’s Bookstore every Friday afternoon. We could use that.”

“The problem now is getting Zhangmen-shixiong to allow us to go to Tangshu City,” sighed Shen Qingqiu.

Ever since he’d been infected with Without-A-Cure, Yue Qingyuan refused to let him go further than the nearby towns without an escort - which usually turned out to be Liu Qingge. On one hand, Shen Qingqiu understood where the sect leader was coming from, considering that it could be dangerous if Without-A-Cure acted up when he got into a fight. On the other hand, he’d really like it if he could explore this world without having to take a babysitter with him. Not that Liu Qingge was bad company of course. He just would like to not be treated like a fragile young mistress every now and then. Even field trips with his disciples needed him to beg Yue Qingyuan for him to permit it. He certainly wouldn’t allow Shen Qingqiu to take the toddler scum villain with him all the way to Tangshu City. Not without a good reason, at least.

“Gods, that man is such a pain,” grumbled the original goods. Then his face brightened and he climbed on Shen Qingqiu’s chair and then used that to rummage through Shen Qingqiu’s scrolls and books on his study table.

“Where the hell did you put my maps, you stupid - aha!” exclaimed the toddler scum villain as he pulled out a map and unrolled it while Shen Qingqiu looked over his shoulder. He jabbed down on a spot on the map.

“As I thought, Zhouyuan Temple is just a day’s journey west of Tangshu City,” said the toddler scum villain. “And from here to there, we’d have to pass through the city. It’s the perfect excuse for us to use.”

It was said that taking your child to be blessed at Zhouyuan Temple would protect them from childhood diseases. In a world where mass vaccinations and antibiotics didn’t exist, such a thing was of course, highly popular with every single noble and many commoners vying to take their children there. In the original novel, Luo Binghe had brought his many children to be blessed there as well. Claiming that he was bringing his little son to be blessed at Zhouyuan Temple would definitely be the perfect excuse to use on Yue Qingyuan.

______________________

The excuse worked like a charm, which was how Shen Qingqiu found himself in Tangshu City walking hand in hand with the toddler scum villain as they walked towards the Hu bookstore.

“So, here’s the plan: when I see Fa-shijie, I’ll tug on your hand or robes twice before letting go and running towards her,” explained the original goods. “You come over once I’ve gotten hold of her robes and then it’s ‘naughty boy, Yuan-er, what did I tell you about letting go of baba’s hand? Oh Fa-shijie, what a pleasant surprise’. From there, you’ll have to get her to invite us over to her place and then we can investigate to see if she’s got any plans to bring down you and Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. Got it?”

“Got it,” replied Shen Qingqiu.

He reached out to buy a paper butterfly from a stall owner and handed it to the toddler scum villain. “Here you go, you were playing with your paper butterfly and having so much fun that you didn’t realise that you were going to run into the nice lady.”

The toddler scum villain waved the paper butterfly around experimentally. “Kids don’t really need an excuse to run around, you know,” he grumbled.

He said that, but he didn’t drop the paper butterfly. Instead, the original goods continued to twirl the paper butterfly around all the way to the bookstore.

Fa Meilien wasn’t in the bookstore yet, so Shen Qingqiu decided to browse the shelves until she showed up. He was just flipping through an adventure novel about pirates when he felt two tugs on his robe before the toddler scum villain ran off.

Goddamnit, original goods! Warn a person before you do this!

He hastily put the book back in his place before he looked for the toddler scum villain. Who had run up to a woman and was now clutching her skirts. So that was Fa Meilien, huh. She definitely looked pretty enough to enter Luo Bing-ge’s harem, though she didn’t look much like a MILF in Shen Qingqiu’s opinion. Fa Meilien frowned down at the child clinging to her and looked around, clearly searching for the child’s parents.

Oops, that was his cue!

Shen Qingqiu quickly approached the woman and toddler.

“Yuan-er, you naughty boy,” he scolded. “Didn’t baba tell you not to let go of my hand?”

The toddler scum villain immediately let go of Fa Meilien’s skirts and ran towards him. Shen Qingqiu quickly picked him up.

“Shen-shidi?” called Fa Meilien.

Shen Qingqiu made his eyes go wide. “Fa-shijie? What a pleasant surprise! What are you doing here?”

“I live here,” replied Fa Meilien archly. “What are you doing here?”

Shen Qingqiu jiggled the toddler in his arms. “I’m taking my son to Zhouyuan Temple. I thought to stop by here to get lunch and stretch our legs for a while. Who would’ve thought that shijie lives in this city?”

“I understand,” said Fa Meilien, giving him a commiserative look. “I know all too well how little toddlers and long carriage rides get along. Is your wife not here with you?”

“Yuan-er’s mother is no longer with us, I’m afraid,” replied Shen Qingqiu.

Fa Meilien’s face softened. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Shen Qingqiu nodded in reply. He definitely wasn’t going to tell her that he had no idea who Yuan-er’s mother was.

Fa Meilien then smiled at him. “Shen-shidi, why don’t you come over to my house for some tea. We can catch up as well.”

Success!

“That’s very kind of you, Fa-shijie. Of course I’ll come,” replied Shen Qingqiu warmly.

And that was how he found himself seated across Fa Meilien in her parlour with tea and snacks. The toddler scum villain on the other hand, was seated on the floor nearby. Fa Meilien’s servants had brought him some building blocks, a few stuffed toys and oddly enough, a little bamboo hammer, to keep him busy while Fa Meilien and Shen Qingqiu talked.

Fa Meilien of course, wanted to know how Qing Jing Peak was doing since her departure, and Shen Qingqiu was happy to tell her about the state of the peak, how the hall masters were doing and all the antics of his disciples. He couldn’t help but brag about Luo Binghe of course. Since Fa Meilien was going to marry him down the line, it was best that she knew all of his best qualities earlier on.

After that, Fa Meilien inquired about the other peaks, so Shen Qingqiu talked about how the other peaks and his other martial siblings were doing. He also updated her on how her old friends were doing - which was one of the things the original goods prepared him for.

He of course, asked her about her life, and Fa Meilien was only too happy to chatter about running the mansion, her husband’s prospering businesses and how brilliant her child was. Her eyes softened when she spoke of her son.

Ah, it was a real pity that Tiong Ling wouldn’t live to see twenty one. The Fa Meilien of PIDW must’ve been devastated when he got murdered. Shen Qingqiu could only hope that she found happiness in Luo Binghe’s harem later on.

Fa Meilien suddenly smiled slyly at him over the brim of her cup. “Shen-shidi has really grown to be an elegant, dignified man. A far cry from that scruffy sixteen year old that entered our peak.”

The toddler scum villain smacked the toy hammer against the floor.

“Even your manners have improved greatly,” continued Fa Meilien. “I remember how in the beginning, you would fall on your food like a starved wolf and glare at everyone around you as if you thought they’d try to steal your food from you.”

This time, the toddler scum villain hit the bricks with the toy hammer, scowling down at the toys as he did so.

Shen Qingqiu made a non-committal sound. What was he supposed to say to that? It wasn’t as if he was the same Shen Qingqiu that had come to Qing Jing Peak all those years ago. Also, the original goods was sixteen when he entered Cang Qiong Mountain Sect? Wasn’t that a little too old to start cultivating?

Fa Meilien set her cup on the table. “You know, we all felt sorry for you in the beginning. I mean, Shizun was so awful to you at first! Remember how she used to tear up your paintings in front of everyone and call you ten kinds of stupid while doing so? Or what about that time she insisted on you playing a qin piece over and over until you got it right and she wouldn’t let up, even when your fingers started bleeding?”

If Shen Qingqiu’s poker face wasn’t so good, his jaw would have dropped upon hearing this. WTF is with this shitty teacher?! He already knew the previous Qing Jing Peak Lord was an awful person, considering that she had a young girl whipped just for talking shit about her poor choice of successor. But this was a little too much!

“She still chose me as head disciple in the end though,” pointed out Shen Qingqiu.

“Yes, she did,” sighed Fa Meilien, looking into the distance. “You know, back then I was so sure she’d pick me as her successor - that she’d finally acknowledge all my efforts and make me head disciple.”

A snort came from the toddler scum villain, who was still playing with the toys.

“But then, she went and picked you of all people,” continued Fa Meilien. “Imagine my shock.”

Shen Qingqiu fanned himself lightly. “Shijie must’ve been very upset about that.”

“Oh, I was, I was,” replied Fa Meilien. “I actually sought her out afterwards and asked her why, you know. Do you know what she said to me?”

Shen Qingqiu gave her an encouraging nod.

“She said that I was too complacent about things, whereas you never stopped pushing yourself further. She liked your ambition, your intelligence and your diligence,” said Fa Meilien.

She gave Shen Qingqiu a smirk. “Do you know what else she said?”

“What?” asked Shen Qingqiu.

Fa Meilien took another sip of tea before answering. “She said that it was a great pity that you came to our sect so late. She thought that you would’ve been truly great had you reached our peak at the optimum age for cultivating.”

Wow, the toddler scum villain was really going to town on those blocks with that hammer, huh.

“How interesting,” replied Shen Qingqiu blandly. He took a sip of his tea as well.

Fa Meilien made a small moue of petulance. “Shen-shidi, you really have changed a lot since the last time we met. It’s true what they say: parenthood does change people for the better.”

Shen Qingqiu made another non-committal sound as he fanned himself. What else was he to say? It wasn’t as if he could tell her that the real reason why he was so different from the Shen Qingqiu she knew, was because he had transmigrated into this body.

Fa Meilien looked out the window. In the distance, Shen Qingqiu could hear children laugh as they played.

“Looking back now, I’m glad that Shizun didn’t make me her successor,” said Fa Meilien, a smile playing on her lips as she listened to the children play. “If she had, I wouldn’t have met my husband, and I would never have had my A-Ling.”

She turned back to Shen Qingqiu. “Shen-shidi, I think I can honestly say that I’m far happier being Tiong-furen than I would have been as Fa Qingqiu.”

“I’m glad that you’ve found happiness here, Fa-shijie,” replied Shen Qingqiu truthfully.

Ah, it was such a shame that Fa Meilien’s happiness wasn’t going to last though. Her husband was going to die of a heart attack in a few years time, and her son would be murdered before he could reach his twenty-first birthday.

Once he had finished his tea, Shen Qingqiu got up from his seat. “Well, it’s been nice catching up with you, shijie, but now we really need to be on our way. It’s almost time for Yuan-er’s nap, and he gets cranky if he doesn’t get one.”

Fa Meilien also got up from her seat. “Oh believe me, I understand. I love my son and all, but I do not miss his terrible twos one bit. Let me see you off.”

Shen Qingqiu picked up the toddler scum villain, and Fa Meilien escorted them to their coach. All through their walk, Shen Qingqiu wondered how he could help her. There was nothing he could do about her husband’s heart attack, but maybe he could give her a little warning when it came to her son.

“Fa-shijie truly has a beautiful home. It must be the envy of all the other lords here,” he said at last.

Fa Meilien smirked. “Why thank you, Shen-shidi.”

Shen Qingqiu opened the door of the coach as he wondered what else to say. Oh fuck it, he was going to try anyway.

He looked Fa Meilien in the eye as he spoke. “Shijie should know that when it comes to wealth and power, even blood ties might not be enough to hold back a person’s envy and greed.”

Fa Meilien’s eyes widened. “You-”

“Anyway, thanks for the tea, Fa-shijie. Now, goodbye,” interrupted Shen Qingqiu hastily. And then he closed the door and ordered the driver to go.

Once they had left the estate, Shen Qingqiu let his head fall back and he let out a sigh. He dropped his gaze to the toddler scum villain in his lap.

“Your shijie is such a bitch,” he enunciated slowly.

The original goods waved his arms about. “I know, right? You see what I had to deal with during my disciplehood?”

If the worst the original goods got from his seniors were a few catty remarks, then he was truly fortunate. It couldn’t be compared to the bullying Luo Binghe had gotten from his seniors.

“Also what efforts was she talking about earlier?” continued the toddler scum villain. “She used to get people to do all the scut work, and then she’d swoop in and take the credit for it.”

“Anyway, I think we can safely cross Fa Meilien off the list,” said Shen Qingqiu, interrupting the original goods’ rant. “She isn’t the one.”

The toddler scum villain crossed his arms. “She could’ve been lying,” he grumbled. But even he didn’t seem convinced by his words.

“So next on our list is that assistant librarian in Huan Hua. Now that’s going to be a tricky one. We’re not so close to Huan Hua Palace that we can just walk in whenever we like to investigate him. And there’ll be eyes on us when we talk to him, for sure,” continued the original goods. He tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I need to think more on this.”

“I suppose I could ask the Old Palace Master if I could use their library,” said Shen Qingqiu. “I could claim it was for research.”

The toddler scum villain sniffed. “Cang Qiong Mountain Sect libraries are far superior to Huan Hua Palace’s ones.” He then frowned in thought. “But I suppose that could play on the Old Palace Master’s pride. It would tickle that bastard pink to have a Peak Lord of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect to beg to visit their library. I don’t know whether he’d let you in more than once though.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” said Shen Qingqiu firmly.

The original goods nodded. “Agreed.”

“Also, I need to ask: your shizun made you do what with the qin?” asked Shen Qingqiu.

The toddler scum villain groaned. “She was just resentful about the previous sect leader forcing her to take me on. And well - I was sixteen years old, with no formal education whatsoever on the scholars’ peak. Who would be happy with such a disciple? Of course she was harsh towards me.”

He looked away from Shen Qingqiu. “Shizun told me on my first day itself that she expected me to keep up with the other disciples, and if I didn’t like it, I could just leave. And yes, she wasn’t nice to me in the beginning, I could talk a lot about all the mockery and extra work and general awfulness she put me through, but once she saw that not only could I keep up with the other disciples, that I could surpass them… that’s when her attitude towards me changed. That’s when she started favouring me instead.”

“You must have worked hard for that,” remarked Shen Qingqiu.

The original goods nodded. “You have no idea how hard I had to work and how much midnight oil I had to burn to perfect my mastery of the scholarly arts and my swordsmanship. In the end though, it was all worth it because Shizun made me her successor.”

There was something odd about the original goods’ admission to the sect. Considering that he was so old when he started, one might think that he had used some family connections to get in. But from what Shen Qingqiu recalled of the novel, Shen Jiu had been a slave previously. Oh, one could say that he had performed some feat to gain the previous sect leader’s attention, but why hadn’t he taken the original goods into his own peak then?

“So, how did you get into Cang Qiong Mountain Sect anyway?” asked Shen Qingqiu.

“None of your business, body thief!” snapped the toddler scum villain.

Yeah, Shen Qingqiu guessed as much that would be his reply. But there was another issue he wanted to bring up. He moved the toddler scum villain to the seat next to him and then moved to sit across him.

“Your shizun was wrong to treat you the way she did,” Shen Qingqiu told him baldly. “Even if she didn’t want you, even if you were behind your peers, there are better ways to teach a child than forcing them to hurt themselves just to satisfy you. Got that?”

The toddler scum villain stared at him but nodded hesitantly.

Shen Qingqiu whipped out his fan. “That said, there is a huge difference between the way your Shizun treated you and the way you treated Luo Binghe.”

“Oh gods, this again?” muttered the original goods.

“Yes, this again,” snapped Shen Qingqiu as he furiously fanned himself. “Your shizun was awful, but one could argue that she was doing the whole-” he grimaced as he did air quotes “-’whip of love’ thing, and she did teach you and eventually acknowledge your work and name you head disciple. You on the other hand - you not only refused to teach Luo Binghe, you allowed him to be sabotaged. You let him use a faulty cultivation book - which again I have to say - could have killed him horribly. Even if Luo Binghe had improved despite the sabotage, you never would have changed your mind about him, would you? The only lesson Luo Binghe learnt from you was cruelty.”

And god, had the Luo Binghe of PIDW learned that lesson all too well. One only had to see the way he treated his enemies to know that.

The toddler scum villain scowled as he folded his arms. “What does it matter now anyway? The beast didn’t die and you’re the beast’s shizun now, not me.”

“It matters because you haven’t changed the way you treat him,” retorted Shen Qingqiu. “You still try to bully him at every turn when he’s done nothing to deserve it!”

The original goods leaned forward. “As I keep telling you, if you don’t want your ‘precious little white lotus’ bullied, then maybe you should kick him out of my house.”

“And as I keep telling you, I’m not doing that,” retorted Shen Qingqiu. “I’m not even asking you to be best friends, I’m just asking you to be civil to him. Is that so hard?”

“Yes,” snarled the toddler scum villain.

Shen Qingqiu wanted to throw his hands up. Really, it said a lot about pre-Endless Abyss Luo Binghe’s good nature that despite the toddler scum villain being awful to him at every turn, he still was nothing but kind and gracious to him.

A thought suddenly struck Shen Qingqiu. “Whatever reason you have for hating Luo Binghe is likely petty,” he said slowly, “and you know it. That’s why you won’t tell me why you hate him.”

“What would you know?” sneered Shen Qingqiu. “You were clearly born with a silver spoon in your past life!”

Ouch, that was a hit. It was true that he had lived a comfortable life as the third son of a wealthy family. He hadn’t suffered the way the protagonist or the original goods had before the Qius took him in.

“You’re right. I don’t know what it’s like to be homeless or to be starving,” he replied. “But I do know this: just because you were hurt before, doesn’t give you the right to turn around and hurt others.”

The toddler scum villain’s response was to turn around, sitting cross-legged on the seat with his back facing Shen Qingqiu. Shen Qingqiu sighed. They’ve had similar conversations multiple times before this, and they all turned out the same way - with the original goods going into a sulk and ignoring him. It was a good thing he had brought a lot of novels with him to read while they were on their journey.

Earlier than he had thought he would, the original goods broke the silence by asking, “So, we’re headed back to Cang Qiong now?”

Shen Qingqiu shook his head. “No, we’re heading towards the temple.”

The original goods jerked in surprise and looked at him over his shoulder. “What?”

Shen Qingqiu turned a page in his novel. “We’ve already come all this way, so we might as well go there.”

The toddler scum villain gave him an odd look, but then suddenly remembered that he was still mad at Shen Qingqiu, and turned away from him again.

The carriage trundled onwards to Zhouyuan Temple with both its occupants lost in their own thoughts.

Chapter Text

It was already starting to rain. Luo Binghe hoped that this meant tomorrow would be sunny because then it would be easier for him to do the laundry.

Currently he was sewing up a rip in Shizun’s pants, which he had gotten while on a trip with Liu-shishu. He hoped that Liu-shishu hadn’t taken him somewhere too dangerous, though if all that Shizun had gotten was a tear in his pants, then it probably wasn’t dangerous at all.

Yuan-er passed by Luo Binghe with a frown on his little face, though that wasn’t unusual for the toddler. Luo Binghe sighed. At least the toddler had finally given up chasing after him. That had at last ended when Zhangmen-shibo, on a visit to Shizun, had innocently asked if Yuan-er was having fun playing tag with Luo-gege. The toddler had gone bright red - redder than the times when Shizun handed him Yuan-er’s mattress for washing, and Luo Binghe loudly asked, “oh, did Yuan-er wet the bed again?”, which would lead to the toddler going red and trying to attack him, only to be restrained by Shizun.

Luo Binghe shook his head slowly. Poor Zhangmen-shibo. He had almost immediately been bitten by an angry toddler after his innocent inquiry. Shizun had pulled Yuan-er off him, only for the toddler to throw a tantrum, which earned him a stint in baby jail.

After that, Yuan-er had turned to throwing things at him whenever he was angry at him. It always enraged him even further whenever Luo Binghe caught the thrown objects. Luo Binghe smirked when he recalled the time when Yuan-er had thrown his ball at him. Luo Binghe had dodged, only for the ball to hit a pillar and bounce back to smack the naughty toddler right in the face. Shizun had been there and had quickly gone over to check Yuan-er for injuries.

“Let this be a lesson to you,” Shizun had scolded. “If you do bad things, it will eventually bounce back to hit you right in the face.”

The toddler had clearly not appreciated the lesson, considering that his response to this was to throw another tantrum and bite Shizun’s arm. Which earned him a stay in baby jail yet again.

Yuan-er emerged from the kitchen, his frown growing even more intense. Luo Binghe watched as the toddler threw Shizun’s pillows off his bed and then peered under the bed. Whatever he was looking for, it clearly wasn’t there because he then went to peer under Shizun’s study table.

“What are you looking for, Yuan-er?” asked Shizun.

The toddler scratched his head as he peered under the dining table, looking even more distressed when whatever-it-was wasn’t there either. “My cat. I can’t find my cat,” he answered.

Oh, so he was looking for his white stuffed cat. Luo Binghe remembered how he had returned to the bamboo house after a nighthunt, only to be greeted by a scowling toddler holding an equally grumpy-looking stuffed cat. He had nearly laughed his head off at the sight, leading to the toddler attempting to bite him for the umpteenth time. Zhangmen-shibo had chosen the right stuffed toy for the toddler, alright.

Yuan-er glared at him. “You. What did you do to my cat, brat?”

Luo Binghe’s jaw dropped at this audacious accusation. “I didn’t take your cat!”

“Binghe didn’t take your cat, Yuan-er,” said Shizun. “Why don’t we look for it elsewhere?”

Yuan-er stamped his foot. “He took it! He definitely took my cat! I know he did it!” yelled the toddler.

Luo Binghe was already done with the mending, so he got up and went to throw his door wide open. “If Yuan-er doesn’t believe me, then he’s welcome to search my room for his toy.”

Shizun gave him a weary look. “Binghe doesn’t need to do this. We both know that you didn’t take it.”

“I know, Shizun,” answered Luo Binghe. “But he’s not going to believe it, unless he’s checked my room himself.”

The toddler was already marching towards Luo Binghe’s room as they spoke. Shizun hurriedly followed behind him.

Luo Binghe watched from the doorway as Yuan-er pulled back his blanket and threw his pillows on the floor in the search for his toy. Shizun quickly put the pillows back on the bed afterwards. After looking under the bed, the toddler went to his cupboard and started pulling out all of his clothes.

“Don’t throw the clothes around like that,” scolded Shizun. “Take them out carefully and put them on the floor.”

“Bah!” said the toddler in reply, and he threw another robe out on the floor.

Shizun leaned over to pick up the clothes.

“Shizun, it’s fine,” said Luo Binghe as he leaned against the doorjamb. “I’ll fold them and put them away myself.”

Shizun’s brow furrowed. “But Binghe-”

“I do it better than you anyway, Shizun,” interrupted Luo Binghe, hoping that Shizun wouldn’t be insulted by his comment on his master’s housekeeping abilities.

Fortunately, Shizun didn’t seem the least bit offended. The two of them shared a smile, which was broken by Shizun having to rush to stop his son from throwing out the contents of Luo Binghe’s drawers.

“Yuan-er, no,” scolded Shizun as he grabbed his son’s hands. “It’s obvious that your cat isn’t in Binghe’s drawers, so there’s no need for you to throw his things out.”

The toddler only sniffed in reply.

Finally, the toddler was done with his searching. He frowned down at the floor, clearly unhappy that his stuffed cat was nowhere to be found in Luo Binghe’s room.

“See? I told you that Binghe didn’t take your toy,” said Shizun.

The toddler folded his arms and sniffed again. “Stupid baba, clearly the be-brat has hidden it somewhere else.”

Yuan-er was clearly not letting this go. Luo Binghe shared a long-suffering look with his Shizun over the toddler’s head.

Shizun clapped his hands once. “Alright, let’s retrace our steps. This morning, you were holding Mr Kitty-”

“Stupid baba, she’s clearly a girl cat,” corrected Yuan-er.

“Alright, you were holding Miss Kitty in your arms this morning and we walked to the lecture hall together,” continued Shizun. “You were definitely still holding it in the lecture hall. After that-”

“After that, Ning-jiejie wanted to play with me, so we played together for a while,” said Yuan-er, still frowning as he spoke.

Shizun smacked a fist into his palm. “That’s it! You must’ve put Miss Kitty down on the ground while you played with Ning Yingying. It’s probably still there as we speak!”

As one, all three of them turned to look out the window where the rain was already pouring down heavily.

Yuan-er plopped down on the floor. Much to Luo Binghe’s horror, fat tears started rolling down the child’s cheeks. It wasn’t as if this was the first time he had seen Yuan-er cry - but all the other times, he had been angry crying while in the midst of a tantrum. This had to be the first time he saw the toddler crying out of sheer sadness.

Shizun knelt down next to the sobbing toddler and took him into his arms. The toddler struggled at first, and then clung to Shizun.

“Stupid!” sobbed the toddler. “It’s just a dumb toy! I have other toys already. I don’t know why I’m crying like this.”

Shizun rubbed his back. “It’s your favourite toy, next to the toy soldier,” Shizun told him. “Of course you’re upset that it’s lost.”

Luo Binghe was feeling rather awkward here, standing to one side as his Shizun comforted his upset son, so he retreated to the kitchen. It was already time to prepare dinner anyway.

By the time dinner was done, Yuan-er had already stopped crying. Shizun must have washed his face because it was clean of any tears or snot. He still looked downright miserable though.

He barely ate any of his dinner too, choosing to push the food around his plate rather than put it in his mouth. When Shizun tried to coax him to eat more, the toddler only shook his head.

“I’m not hungry,” mumbled Yuan-er as he stared down at his plate.

“Cheer up, Yuan-er,” said Luo Binghe. “You can find your toy tomorrow.”

The toddler glared at him, but this time it was missing its usual fervour. “Stupid brat, the rain’s probably ruined it by now.”

The toddler started to tear up, but then he rubbed his eyes with his arm instead. Luo Binghe internally breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t know what he’d do if Yuan-er started to cry again.

“Baba, can I go to bed now? I’m feeling rather tired,” said Yuan-er in a small voice, still covering his eyes with his arm.

“Of course, Yuan-er,” replied Shizun softly.

Shizun picked up the little boy and tucked him in his crib. He rubbed his son’s back all while humming one of those odd melodies that he was so fond of.

In the meantime, Luo Binghe cleaned the table and took the dirty tableware to the kitchen to be washed. A look out the kitchen window showed that it was still raining heavily. Luo Binghe hoped that Yuan-er was wrong about the rain ruining his stuffed cat. The toddler would only be more miserable, if that was the case.

Once he was done with the washing, Luo Binghe decided to go take a bath. But once he had exited the kitchen, he found Shizun sitting on the veranda putting on his boots, with an umbrella and a night pearl next to him.

“Shizun?” he called out quietly, not wanting to wake up the sleeping toddler.

Shizun turned his head to one side. “I’m going to go look for Yuan-er’s toy,” he answered.

Luo Binghe hurried to his Shizun’s side. “Shizun, let me come with you.”

Shizun gave him a long look. “Binghe doesn’t have to trouble himself.”

Luo Binghe stuck out his chin. “It’s fine, Shizun. I don’t mind helping you search for Yuan-er’s toy.”

When Shizun remained unconvinced, he added, “Besides, four eyes are better than two. Especially in conditions like these.”

Shizun let out a sigh, and then smiled at Luo Binghe. “Alright, Binghe can come along then.”

Luo Binghe beamed at his teacher. “Yes, Shizun.”

He quickly put on his own boots and picked up the umbrella. Holding it above Shizun’s head, Luo Binghe turned to him and asked, “Shall we go then, Shizun?”

Shizun nodded at him, and they both stepped off the veranda into the rain. The rain immediately hit their umbrella like arrows did a shield. Luo Binghe hastily angled the umbrella so that it would cover more of Shizun. But after a while, Shizun adjusted the umbrella so that it would cover more of Luo Binghe instead.

Luo Binghe felt his cheeks grow warm. It was already romantic enough, getting to share an umbrella with his beloved Shizun in the rain, their hands so close together on the umbrella’s handle that if Luo Binghe moved his hand just a tiny bit upwards, they would brush against each other, but only Shizun would think to give his disciple a little more of the umbrella’s protection.

Oh Shizun. Every time Luo Binghe thought that he could not love him any deeper, he went ahead and did something like this. And he did it so easily too - as if this little act of kindness was nothing special.

Luo Binghe hoped that they didn’t find Yuan-er’s toy too quickly. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with his Shizun like this. He hastily adjusted the umbrella so that it would cover both of them equally.

The two of them went to the lecture hall first. Luo Binghe shook out the umbrella before putting it in a corner. A quick look around revealed no toy, but Luo Binghe insisted on checking the room thoroughly for it. It was selfish of him, he knew, but he wanted to eke out every minute he spent with Shizun as much as possible.

“It’s not here, Binghe,” called Shizun at last as he picked up the umbrella. “Let’s look elsewhere for Miss Kitty.”

“Yes, Shizun,” Luo Binghe called back.

The two of them then checked outside the building for the toy, but it wasn’t there either. Next, Luo Binghe led his Shizun to a tree which his fellow disciples often sat under, but the stuffed cat wasn’t there either. The same went for outside the disciple dormitories.

Shizun scratched his head when the fourth spot they searched showed no toy either. “Where could that child have put his cat?” he murmured to himself.

Luo Binghe thought as well, and then something came to him. “Shizun,” he said slowly. “There’s a grove that Ning-shijie likes to go to. Maybe the toy is there?”

Shizun nodded. “I know which one you mean. Let’s check it out.”

They both headed to the grove. Shizun held the night pearl up as he scanned their surroundings for any sign of the stuffed cat, but it was Luo Binghe who caught sight of something white lying on the ground under one of the trees.

“Shizun, I think I see it,” said Luo Binghe and he pointed at the white thing.

Shizun immediately strode over to the white thing while Luo Binghe hastily followed behind, trying to cover him with the umbrella, and fished it out of the mud. It was Yuan-er’s stuffed cat - more than a little muddy, yes, but still intact.

Shizun smiled down at the toy. “Yuan-er will surely be happy to see Miss Kitty back again.” He held the toy out in the rain and tried to brush as much mud as he could off the toy.

“Shizun, I can wash the toy tomorrow along with the rest of the laundry,” offered Luo Binghe.

“That would be a great help, Binghe, thank you,” said Shizun as he put the toy in his sleeve. “Now, let’s go home. I think we could both do with a hot bath after this, don’t you think?”

“Yes, Shizun,” said Luo Binghe eagerly.

A hot bath did sound nice after walking about in the cold rain. The only thing nicer than that would be if Shizun and he got to share that bath, but of course that wouldn’t happen since he was still very much underage. But perhaps in the future, once he was an adult, maybe then he and Shizun could share a bath. If everything turned out according to his now six-year plan, of course.

The two of them then made their way back to the bamboo house, still sharing an umbrella as they did.

______________________________

In the morning, Yuan-er still looked rather miserable, albeit a little less than he had yesterday. He must be really fond of his stuffed cat to be so upset over its loss.

“Yuan-er, guess what we found yesterday?” sang Shizun as he pulled out the stuffed cat from the laundry basket. “Ta-da!”

Yuan-er’s eyes widened. “My cat!”

He reached out to grab it, but Shizun pulled it away. “Miss Kitty needs to be washed and dried first, and then Yuan-er can play with her,” he told his son.

The toddler nodded as he watched his father drop the toy back into the laundry basket. He looked a little lost as he stared at the stuffed cat.

“Yuan-er now owes Binghe an apology for unfairly accusing him of stealing Miss Kitty yesterday,” continued Shizun.

The toddler immediately scowled. “Never!” he yelled, and quickly ran off.

Shizun looked up to the ceiling as if begging the gods for patience, and let out a huge sigh. Luo Binghe on the other hand - while he hadn’t expected the toddler to apologise for his behaviour yesterday, he did think that Yuan-er should have thanked Shizun and him for finding his precious toy. Still, it wasn’t his place to say anything so he kept silent instead.

_______________________

As Luo Binghe had hoped earlier, today was turning out to be bright and sunny. The perfect weather for laundry. Luo Binghe closed his eyes as he turned his face up to the sun’s rays briefly before going back to washing the clothes (and a certain stuffed toy).

Squeak, squeak, squeak, came the sound of Yuan-er’s favourite shoes.

Luo Binghe’s eye twitched as he heard that telltale squeak. Just what had Zhangmen-shibo been thinking, giving the toddler a pair of squeaky shoes? Unfortunately for Luo Binghe, they were now Yuan-er’s favourite shoes and he wore them at every opportunity.

(Luo Binghe had once tried to get rid of those shoes, but Shizun had caught him at it and had said “Binghe” in such a disappointed tone of voice that he had immediately wanted to curl up and die).

Now, if Shizun was here too, then Yuan-er would play with his ball in the courtyard, squeaking away the entire time until he got bored and wandered back inside. One would think this normal toddler behaviour, but Luo Binghe had seen the child give him sly looks every time he made a particularly loud squeak. He definitely knew how much Luo Binghe hated the sound of those shoes and delighted in tormenting him with it.

Luo Binghe darted a look around. Shizun was nowhere to be seen, which meant that instead of running around, Yuan-er was either going to try to pull the laundry down or pinch Luo Binghe while he was busy doing the laundry.

Yuan-er was apparently approaching him instead of the clothesline where a few clothes were already set out to dry. Luo Binghe kept one eye on the toddler, ready to grab his wrists when he went in for a pinch. However, instead of sidling next to him, the toddler stood across from him, frowning down at Luo Binghe’s hands that were already busy with washing the stuffed cat clean.

“Wash my cat properly,” ordered Yuan-er. “I don’t want to see a single speck of dirt on her once you’re done.”

Luo Binghe resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“Yes, your highness,” he replied, using one of Shizun’s nicknames for the toddler whenever he got a little bossy.

Yuan-er continued to watch Luo Binghe wash his toy, frown still present.

“Shizun and I looked for Miss Kitty for hours, you know,” remarked Luo Binghe almost idly.

“I’m not going to thank you for that, brat,” snapped Yuan-er. He pointed an accusing finger at Luo Binghe. “You only did it so that you can get into my baba’s pants!”

Luo Binghe dropped the toy back into the washtub as he stared at the toddler, mouth agape.

“Do you even know what that means?” he asked at last.

The toddler folded his arms. “Yes.”

He didn’t. He definitely didn’t. He was only two for all the gods’ and buddhas’ sake.

Luo Binghe’s already low opinion of Yuan-er’s mother dropped even further. Just what kind of person talked about such things in front of her little child anyway?

The toddler turned away from him and directed his scowl at the ground. “He’s so weird. Who goes hunting for a child’s toy in the dark and in the rain anyway?” the child muttered to himself.

“Shizun, of course,” answered Luo Binghe promptly. Looking at the scowling toddler, he added on,“Yuan-er should learn from his father’s good example.”

The toddler scrunched up his face. “I can’t do that. I’m not as nice or kind or good as he is.”

Luo Binghe stared at him. Yuan-er was only two, why would he - of course. There was only one person who would have given him this mindset. Luo Binghe’s opinion of Yuan-er’s mother dropped even more.

Still, he understood where the child was coming from. He himself wasn’t - couldn’t be - like Shizun, who cared about everyone and everything around him. Luo Binghe only cared about three people in the world and that was Shizun, Ning-shijie and Yuan-er, and Yuan-er was solely on that list because he was Shizun’s son.

“Yuan-er isn’t a bad child,” he said firmly. “You’re naughty yes, and you can be a little mean at times, but you’re not bad.”

Yuan-er searched his face as if he was wondering if Luo Binghe was being sincere, and not mocking him in some way.

“Whenever you’re in a situation, just ask yourself ‘what would Shizun do if he was in my position?’ and then do it,” suggested Luo Binghe. Seeing Yuan-er’s sceptical little face, he added, “Even if you don’t feel nice or kind, like Shizun says, just fake it until you make it.”

“What kind of saying is that?” grumbled Yuan-er. But he nodded hesitantly.

Luo Binghe darted a look around. Still no Shizun.

“Don’t worry, Yuan-er. Shizun and I will always be around to help you be good,” he told the little boy. “Even when we get married, Yuan-er will always have a place here.”

Yuan-er let out an ear-splitting screech and immediately tried to bite Luo Binghe.

______________________________________

Unlike most nights, this time the toddler scum villain was cuddling up in bed with his stuffed cat instead of his toy soldier. After Miss Kitty was dry, Shen Qingqiu had handed the toy back to the original goods, who had immediately snatched it up. After checking to make sure it was completely clean and not ruined somehow, he had immediately walked off, but not without a quietly muttered “thanks”.

If Shen Qingqiu had a calendar, he would’ve marked this day down to commemorate the event of the scum villain sincerely thanking someone. He honestly thought that the original goods could have thanked Luo Binghe as well, considering that his little sheep had not only found the toy but had washed it as well, but baby steps, he supposed.

He had just settled into bed when the toddler scum villain suddenly spoke up, “You do know that we aren’t actually related, right? You don’t have to go so far doing things.”

“It’s true that I did transmigrate into your body, but our bodies are still blood-related, which makes us family,” argued Shen Qingqiu.

“No, we aren’t!” snapped the original goods.

Shen Qingqiu turned to face him. “You don’t know that for sure.” Considering what a lech the original goods used to be, he probably had a dozen illegitimate children running about by now.

The toddler scum villain smacked his mattress with one hand. “Yes, I do know that for sure! Because I’ve never had sex with a woman before!”

If Shen Qingqiu’s poker face wasn’t so good, his jaw would have dropped down to the ground at that declaration. As it was, he was already mentally flailing about.

“But all those brothel visits-” he started.

“I just went there to sleep!” yelled the original goods. He then rolled over to one side, back facing Shen Qingqiu. “There, now you know. You can go ahead and laugh now.”

Shen Qingqiu did not laugh.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone before this?” he asked. “You wouldn’t have gotten a reputation as a lecher if you had.”

The toddler scum villain hunched up defensively in his cot. “Stupid body thief. Nobody would have believed that a healthy man in his prime was going to brothels for platonic sleeping purposes. And before you ask, yes I’ve tried sedatives before, and I hated them.”

There were a hundred things that Shen Qingqiu could have said to that. Like, had he talked to Mu Qingfang about his insomnia before this? Had he ever tried other sleeping aids, such as counting sheep or drinking some warm milk before going to bed? Or telling him that had he used soft feather pillows instead of those horrible porcelain ones, then maybe he could have slept better. Anything other than ruining his own reputation by sleeping in high-end brothels.

Instead, Shen Qingqiu decided to mentally put this issue into the bin of “let’s not ever talk about this” and focused on the other matter.

“It still doesn’t matter that we aren’t blood related,” he said slowly. “I’ve already claimed you as my son, so as far as the rest of the world is concerned, we’re family.”

The toddler scum villain rolled over to stare at him. “Body thief, you are so weird,” he muttered and then rolled back once again.

After that, no amount of calling made him respond. In the end, Shen Qingqiu just gave up. He pulled the blankets up to his chin and closed his eyes. He was asleep within minutes.

Chapter Text

Shen Jiu watched as the beast once again took advantage of the body thief’s naivety by pretending to trip while the man tried to teach him swordsmanship, thus seizing the opportunity to feel him up. He clenched his fists at the sight. There was no use trying to tell the body thief what his “precious little lamb” was really doing. The few times he had tried had only earned him a scolding and an insistence that Luo Binghe was only clumsy and in any case, he only liked girls.

Shen Jiu had no idea why the body thief was so insistent that the beast was only interested in members of the opposite sex. In all his time living as Shen Qingqiu’s “son”, he had never once seen the beast look twice at any girl. He wasn’t even following behind Ning Yingying, like he used to! Not that Shen Jiu wasn’t relieved about that - Ning Yingying deserved far better than that beast anyway - but watching the beast lust after his old body set his teeth on edge. The beast wasn’t even being subtle about it! Everyone on Qing Jing Peak was aware of the beast’s lust for Shen Jiu’s old body - well, everyone other than the body thief.

Even seeing the body thief scold the beast for clumsiness didn’t bring him any joy. To give the body thief credit, he was far more patient than Shen Jiu had ever been. Had he been dealing with a genuinely clumsy disciple, he would have long since thrown in the towel!

Still, if Shen Jiu’s plan worked, this would be the last time the beast got to grope his old body under the guise of clumsiness. He just had to wait until the main part of his plan showed up.

_____________________________

The brute was here again for another round of cleansing his old body’s meridians. He glared suspiciously at Shen Jiu, who widened his eyes, clasped his hands together and endeavoured to look more like an innocent little child.

The brute glared even harder at him.

How could the brute scowl at him like that? Sure, Shen Jiu had taken advantage of his child form to pull the brute’s stupid ponytail, bite him, pinch him and even poke him in the eye, but that was still no reason to look at him so.

Then there was the time when Shen Jiu had used the guise of wanting to give the brute a hug only to hit him right in the groin. Shen Jiu had relished seeing the look on the stupid brute’s face as he tried not to keel over. It was well worth a stint in baby jail for that!

There was also the time when Shen Jiu had deliberately left a pin carefully positioned upright on the cushion, right before the brute had sat down. It had tickled him pink to see the brute shoot straight up just after sitting down. Much to his surprise, the beast had come to his aid that time, profusely apologising for dropping his pin while doing some mending in that spot earlier. Both the body thief and the brute had bought his lie though, and thus Shen Jiu had escaped punishment.

Shen Jiu had no idea why the beast had lied, when he knew full well that Shen Jiu had done it on purpose, judging from that wink he had given him when neither the body thief nor the brute were looking. Shen Jiu could only guess that it was for the beast’s own nefarious purposes.

He waited until the brute took his hand away to launch into his attack.

“Baba, Luo Binghe is very clumsy, huh,” said Shen Jiu, deliberately widening his eyes. “Every time baba tries to teach him sword fighting, he goes-” here Shen Jiu childishly mimicked the beast’s pinwheeling and falling into the body thief’s arms “-right into baba.”

“It is true that Binghe has a tendency to lose his footing and fall on me while I’m teaching him,” admitted the body thief. “But Yuan-er shouldn’t make fun of him for that.”

Shen Jiu kept his eyes on the brute, silently willing the stupid brute to get the hint.

The brute’s eyes narrowed. “Is that so?”

Thank the gods, the brute had understood what Shen Jiu meant. And here he was wondering if he needed to use smaller words and be more obvious about it.

“I’ll teach him then,” said Liu Qingge decisively.

The body thief clasped his hands together and gave the brute a grateful smile. “Oh shidi, will you? That’s so kind of you to offer.”

The brute only grunted in reply, but Shen Jiu could see his ears turning red. Shen Jiu’s fingers twitched at the reminder that the brute was also lusting after his old body. Still, it came in handy for Shen Jiu’s purposes this time, so he would leave the brute alone today. Just this once.

The beast chose this moment to appear, carefully holding a tray full of tea and snacks for all of them.

The body thief smiled at him. “Binghe, I have wonderful news!”

“What is it, Shizun?” asked the beast politely.

“Your shishu has volunteered to take over your swordsmanship lessons. Isn’t that kind of him?” replied the body thief.

Shen Jiu felt a smug thrill go through him as he watched the beast’s face drop.

“Shizun, why can’t you continue to teach me?” whined the beast, as he made puppy dog eyes at the body thief.

“I’m afraid that this master is unable to train Binghe out of his poor footing during sword training,” answered the body thief. He patted the beast on the arm. “It isn’t Binghe’s fault. It is solely the fault of this master to be so inadequate in his teaching.”

The beast’s eyes dropped to the ground as he shifted from one foot to the other.

Shen Jiu hugged Miss Kitty tight to his chest as he watched the beast. Yes, that’s right, beast! Squirm like the worm that you are! You only have yourself to blame, taking advantage of your precious Shizun’s gullibility to get away with molestation!

“We’ll start training tomorrow morning outside the bamboo house,” said the brute.

After saying that, he got up and left Shen Jiu’s house without a goodbye, like the ill-mannered barbarian that he was.

“He didn’t even try the snacks,” lamented the body thief as he watched the brute go.

Shen Jiu couldn’t care less as he bit into a snack. Good riddance to bad rubbish! What a pity that the brute would return eventually. Shen Jiu’s second life would be a lot more peaceful if both he and the beast stayed far, far away from him and the body thief.

That night, the body thief gave him an odd stare while he was putting him in his crib for the night.

Shen Jiu folded his arms, mildly perturbed by the body thief’s stare. “What?”

“Original goods, you - you actually did Binghe a good deed today,” replied the body thief.

What?

“You saw that he was having trouble learning swordsmanship so you brought the matter up in front of Liu Qingge in the hopes that he’d volunteer to take over his lessons,” continued the body thief.

What?!

The body thief clasped his hands together and smiled down at Shen Jiu, eyes shining with hope. “Original goods, could it be that you’re finally warming up to Binghe?”

Oh dear gods. No doubt the body thief was imagining Shen Jiu and the beast holding hands as they frolicked joyfully in a meadow, or something just as ridiculously saccharine. Shen Jiu had to nip this in the bud before this stupid baba of his came up with some harebrained idea of getting him and the beast to be better friends.

“I want to see the brute beat the beast into the dirt,” said Shen Jiu truthfully.

The body thief’s face dropped. “And just when I think there’s hope for you, you say things like this,” he muttered. He then put his hands on his hips as he looked down at Shen Jiu. “Well, the joke’s on you now because Binghe will certainly improve under Liu Qingge’s tutelage, just you wait and see.”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. He’d believe it when he saw it.

_____________________

Much to Shen Jiu’s glee, he did get to see the brute beat the beast into the dirt the next morning. Every now and then, the beast gave the body thief plaintive looks - which the body thief completely missed on account of being lost in a novel. Shen Jiu didn’t bother to hide his smirk. Yes, that’s right, beast. Suffer like the worm that you are!

He hoped that the brute would continue to give the beast lessons after this. Watching the beast getting a well-deserved beating definitely lifted his mood.

____________________________

From his position cradled in the body thief’s arms, Shen Jiu surveyed the damage with a curled lip. That pack of barbarians that called themselves Bai Zhan Peak disciples had apparently descended upon Qing Jing Peak while he and the body thief were paying a visit to Wei Qingwei, and had not only broken their gate, but had also fought with the Qing Jing Peak disciples, leaving many of them with bruises.

Shen Jiu glared at the wreckage of the gate. That gate would cost money to fix, and who did that pack of brainless morons think would have to pay for it?

“That awful gang of ruffians!” snarled the body thief. “How dare they come to my Peak and bully my poor disciples? I would have thought they had learned their lesson from the last time they pulled this nonsense.”

“What did you expect? Their shizun is an ill-mannered barbarian, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that they’d follow in his footsteps,” sneered Shen Jiu.

“Please don’t call Liu Qingge that,” said the body thief.

“Why not? It’s the truth,” insisted Shen Jiu.

The body thief sighed and then put him down so he could coo over the disciples’ injuries, especially the beast who was sporting a black eye and definitely milking it for all it was worth. Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. If the worst they got was bruises, then it spoke a lot about the Bai Zhan Peak disciples’ restraint. He wouldn’t have thought that those idiots knew the meaning of the word before this.

After the body thief was done fussing over the disciples’ injuries - fortunately, none of them were badly off enough to need Qian Cao Peak’s attention - he picked Shen Jiu up again and looked him in the eye.

“Do you want to come with me to Bai Zhan Peak and see how I punish those ruffians for bullying my disciples?” he asked with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

Shen Jiu raised his eyebrow at him. “Are you planning to bat your eyes and pout at that brute to get him to punish his brats?” he asked back, intrigued despite himself.

It was the body thief’s turn to roll his eyes. “No, I’m definitely not doing that. What is wrong with you? It’s something else.”

An idea popped into Shen Jiu’s head. He tugged at the body thief’s robes. “You should change before you go to the brute’s peak. These clothes aren’t appropriate for visiting Bai Zhan Peak.”

“I have no idea what you mean by that, but alright,” said the body thief as he walked towards the bamboo house.

Once Shen Jiu was back in his house, he rummaged through his old wardrobe for the thing he was looking for. Now, Shen Jiu did not like the brute lusting after his old body but in all his time as posing as his own son, the brute had never once made any overtures to the body thief - not unless you counted dumping monster corpses in front of his house every now and then, and that was more cat behaviour than suitor behaviour. Now it could be that the brute was too afraid to confess his feelings, but Shen Jiu highly suspected that it was because the brute was too stupid to even realise what he was feeling for the body thief. The only thing that idiot knew how to do was fighting! All which meant that it was fine for Shen Jiu to yank his chain a bit.

Finally, Shen Jiu found it. He pulled the parcel out of the cupboard and opened it. There it was - one robe set courtesy of Yue Qingyuan, who had gifted it to him as a congratulations for achieving the position of Peak Lord. It was a fine set of robes - the colour suited his skin and the cut flattered his figure. Shen Jiu had certainly liked it, but he hadn’t wanted to let Yue Qingyuan think that he could buy his forgiveness so easily, so he had only worn it once and that only in the comforts of his own home.

He patted the robes and looked up at the body thief. “Wear this,” he ordered.

The body thief took the robes from him and held them up. “Well, this does look nice,” he conceded. “Alright.”

He then took the clothes with him and went behind Shen Jiu’s folding screen to change. A short while later, he came out dressed in the robes Shen Jiu had picked.

Shen Jiu looked his old body up and down and nodded appreciatively. His old body did look good in those robes. Also, the robes came with a belt that when worn, practically screamed, “look what a lovely waist this wearer has. Wouldn’t a big strong man like yourself want to put your arm around it?”

(If this didn’t make the brute’s eyes pop a bit, then Shen Jiu was going to have to ask Mu Qingfang to give the brute an eye examination).

“Acceptable,” said Shen Jiu. He passed the body thief a haircrown that would match with his robes. “Wear this now.”

The body thief sat down in front of the mirror and quickly switched his current haircrown for the one Shen Jiu had given him. Once that was done, he picked up Shen Jiu again and made his way out of the bamboo house, only to be greeted by the beast, whose eyes went wide at the sight of the body thief.

Shen Jiu scowled down at the beast, filled with the urge to put out both the beast’s eyes just so that he wouldn’t leer at his old body anymore. Ah, he couldn’t believe that he had forgotten about the beast. He had a sneaking suspicion that this robe set would be starring in the beast’s wet dreams in the future.

“Sh-shizun, where are you going?” asked the beast.

“I’m going to Bai Zhan Peak, of course,” replied the body thief.

The beast’s face fell and his eyes dropped to the ground. “Yes, Shizun,” he mumbled. “I’ll let Qian Cao Peak know now.”

The body thief patted the beast on the head. “Good boy, Binghe,” he praised. “This master will go now.”

Once they were out of hearing distance from the beast, Shen Jiu tugged on the body thief’s robes. “Why does Qian Cao Peak need to be informed that you’re going to Bai Zhan Peak?” he asked.

The body thief smirked down at him. “You’ll see later,” he answered mysteriously.

Bah, he hated surprises. But it seemed like the body thief wasn’t going to tell him now, so Shen Jiu fell quiet again.

The two of them made their way to Bai Zhan Peak on Xiu Ya. Shen Jiu had to insist that the body thief use Xiu Ya to fly, instead of walking everywhere like a commoner, and if the body thief was so afraid of dropping them, what with being poisoned with Without-A-Cure, then he could just hover a few inches above the ground instead.

Finally, they reached Bai Zhan Peak and made their way to the training grounds. For some reason, the disciples were giving the body thief dirty looks. Shen Jiu frowned. How odd. Here he thought that everyone in the sect loved the body thief, but apparently the Bai Zhan Peak disciples didn’t? Why?

Gratifyingly, the brute’s eyes did nearly pop out of his skull when he saw the body thief.

“Shen Qingqiu, what are you wearing?” he asked.

The body thief looked down at himself briefly and then cocked his head at the brute. “Clothes?”

Shen Jiu nodded in approval. Well done, body thief. That practically said “no, there’s nothing wrong with what I’m wearing, you’re the weird one to think that there’s something wrong”.

The brute’s ears were slowly turning red. “Why are you and your son here anyway?” he asked gruffly.

The body thief smiled at him. “Why, for sparring, of course. I just brought Yuan-er because I thought that it would be educational for him.”

The brute grunted. “Suit yourself.”

The body thief set Shen Jiu on the ground, patted him on the head and then walked towards the brute on the stage. Shen Jiu looked around him and frowned. How odd. He would have thought that the disciples here would be clamouring for a front seat view of two Peak Lords sparring, but instead they were pushing and shoving each other to be behind each other instead. How very odd.

Unsurprisingly, the body thief lost to the brute. Shen Jiu was glad that he had. Shen Jiu would’ve spat blood had the body thief beaten the brute - something that Shen Jiu had never succeeded in all his time as Shen Qingqiu. He smirked to himself. If there was one good thing about his current body, it was that it had helped him finally achieve victory over the brute with that strike to his genitals. He never could have landed that blow had he been in his old body for sure.

Shortly, the body thief said, “I don’t understand.”

The brute casually twirled his sword. “Which part do you not understand?”

A disciple behind Shen Jiu suddenly moaned, “Heavens, he doesn’t understand again.”

“I… I can’t take anymore… my stomach hurts so I’m leaving early,” muttered another disciple.

“Shidi, wait for me,” said another boy.

There was some shuffling, and then another disciple hissed, “Don’t you two dare leave. If we all have to suffer, so do you.”

Hmmm, it seemed like something was about to happen, and the Bai Zhan Peak disciples were all afraid of it. Shen Jiu kept his eyes on the stage in anticipation.

On the stage, the body thief continued, “Those moves just now, if I used my right hand to attack you with my sword, and my left hand to create a blast of spiritual energy, then found an opportunity to hit your lower abdomen with it, I would still have a chance of winning.”

The brute scoffed. “Impossible.”

“It’s possible,” insisted the body thief.

“If you could have won using those moves, why didn’t you try it?” asked the brute.

“Isn’t this a spar? It would be rude of me to attack you for real,” answered the body thief indifferently.

The brute didn’t continue bantering with him. Instead, he turned to the crowd below the stage. “Someone come up!”

The disciple he picked out at random headed onto the stage with an expression like that of a fearless soldier heading off to his final battle, faced off against his shizun while following the body thief’s stated approach, and was immediately sent flying by Cheng Luan’s sword qi.

Only then did the brute sheathe his sword and turn back to the body thief. “See that? It wouldn’t work.”

The body thief opened his fan, waving it at chest level as he smilingly said, “I saw it. Liu-shidi reacts too quickly. You’re right, it wouldn’t work.”

The body thief then asked if another implausible method would have worked and the brute picked out another sacrificial victim from the crowd. The disciple followed the body thief’s method and was then also sent flying by Cheng Luan.

A grin slowly spread across Shen Jiu’s face as he fought the urge to clap. Oh well done, body thief. Very well done indeed. He hadn’t thought the body thief had a devious bone in his body before this, but apparently he did. It was very clever of him to use the brute to punish his violent disciples for the damage they had done to Qing Jing Peak. Serves the barbarians right!

But oh, the body thief really was tormenting the brute with all his flirting today. The way he tilted his head just so, the way he smiled at him, the way he used his fan, the way he occasionally reached out to pat the brute on the arm or shoulder, the way he praised him, the way he practically sang out, “shidi”...

If the women of the Warm Red Pavilion could see this, they would give the body thief a standing ovation for his mastery of the art of flirtation - and then want to murder him on the spot once they realised that it was all unconscious.

Whoever the body thief had been before he had ended up in Shen Jiu’s body, he must have died young for him not to realise the effect he had on men. Most likely his parents had kept him mewed up in the house lest he start a war by accidentally seducing half the nobles around him.

Finally, the body thief was done with punishing the Bai Zhan Peak disciples via their shizun. He politely thanked the brute for sparring with him and then scooped up Shen Jiu and they left the peak together.

“So, what do you think of the performance earlier?” asked the body thief.

“It was very clever,” admitted Shen Jiu. “I wouldn’t have thought of using the brute to punish his pack of barbarians that way.”

“Thank you,” said the body thief cheerfully. “Now, let’s go home, shall we?”

As they made their way home, Shen Jiu noted men following the body thief with their eyes, or doing a double take when they saw him. One disciple was so busy staring at the body thief as he walked that he crashed into two other disciples, causing a three-man pile-up. The body thief was as usual, completely oblivious to the effect he had on men.

Shen Jiu frowned. While the body thief did garner some lustful stares every time he left the peak, this was far more than usual. The only thing different was-

He glared down at the body thief’s shoulder as he plucked at the fabric. These fucking robes! Just where the hell had that big idiot gotten them from? Some succubus’s shop?

Shen Jiu imagined the sect leader’s reaction if he ever saw the body thief in these robes and shuddered. If he had to see his Yue Qi lusting after the body thief, then he was going to have to kill someone. Or multiple someones, as the case might be.

Shen Jiu tugged on the body thief’s robes. “Never wear this in front of the sect leader,” he ordered.

The body thief frowned. “Why not?”

“Because he has a deep-seated trauma regarding this particular colour,” lied Shen Jiu. “Don’t ask me further because I can’t break a trust. Telling you about this is already bad enough.”

“Really?” gasped the body thief. “Alright, I won’t wear it around him.”

Gullible fool. Oh well, if this meant Shen Jiu would never have to watch Yue Qingyuan lust over the body thief like so many others, then he would take it.

________________________

Luo Binghe sorted through his Shizun’s mail, as per his habit. There were a lot more love letters and poems than usual, most of them anonymous. Some of them had even dared to leave presents as a “token of their admiration”. Luo Binghe glared down at one particular love poem. Oh, he would have to have a little chat with Disciple Wong about this later.

Fortunately, none of them appeared to be in Liu Qingge’s handwriting, aka his greatest rival for Shizun’s hand. If his shishu ever got his head out of his ass and started courting Shizun for real, then Luo Binghe’s chances of winning Shizun’s hand would be greatly reduced!

Luo Binghe shook his head. No, he couldn’t afford to think like that. He still had a chance. Did Liu-shishu know how to make all of Shizun’s favourite foods? Did he know Shizun’s morning routine? No, only Luo Binghe knew those things and once he reached adulthood, then he could start courting Shizun for real. In the meantime, all of these letters and poems and gifts needed to be burned immediately. There was no reason to bother Shizun with all of them, after all.

He gathered all of them in his arms and started walking towards the furnace to burn them. Suddenly, a small figure jumped out of nowhere and pointed an accusing finger at him.

“A-ha!” cried Yuan-er. “Caught you in the act, you be-brat! Don’t you know that interfering with a Peak Lord’s mail is a crime?”

The toddler picked up a fallen letter. “Now, let’s see what you’ve been trying to get rid of.”

Luo Binghe had seen Yuan-er open a book and look at its pages before. He had seen him sitting in Shizun’s lap with a book a few times, occasionally shrieking at his father to “stop turning the pages so fast, I wasn’t done yet,” but Luo Binghe wasn’t sure if the toddler could actually read.

Yuan-er dropped the letter back on the ground as if it was a disgusting insect, and then viciously stamped on it a few times. Guess he could read, after all. What a smart child he was! Definitely Shizun’s child, for sure!

He looked up at Luo Binghe. “Are all of those on the same lines as this disgusting piece of doggerel?” he demanded.

Luo Binghe nodded mutely.

The toddler kicked the offending letter in Luo Binghe’s direction. “Well, go get rid of them at once!” he barked. “Baba doesn’t need any more pesky flies buzzing around him.” He gave Luo Binghe a look that clearly said that he considered him one of the “pesky flies”.

Luo Binghe hid a smile. “Yes, your highness,” he replied. Saying that, he picked up the fallen letter and bundled them all off to be burned immediately.

__________________________

Luo Binghe checked the hanging clothes to see if they were already dry. He lightly stroked the robes his Shizun had worn yesterday and sighed. Ah, Shizun had looked so wonderful in these robes yesterday. Like a beautiful fairy that had descended from heaven to play with mortals for a while. He then scowled when he remembered the morning’s mail. What a pity that a good few “flies” had thought the same.

Squeak, squeak, squeak, came the sound of Yuan-er’s favourite shoes.

Luo Binghe’s eye reflexively twitched at the sound. He watched as the toddler came to stand beside him, looking meditatively at the robes.

“We need to get rid of these robes at once,” decided Yuan-er. “It’s too dangerous for baba to wear this out in public again.”

Luo Binghe heartily agreed, but-

“We can’t get rid of these robes! They belong to Shizun,” he argued. Luo Binghe couldn’t destroy any of Shizun’s things!

The toddler rolled his eyes. “Fine, we just need to hide them then. He can’t be allowed to wear this in public again, that’s for sure.”

“But Shizun will surely ask what happened to his robes,” persisted Luo Binghe.

The toddler sighed. “Just claim that someone stole them off the clothesline and look pathetic while you do it,” he advised. “Baba will definitely fall for it.”

Well, when he put it that way…

“Alright,” agreed Luo Binghe. He checked the robes again for dryness. “I’ll just hide them in my room.”.

“So you can use them as jerking off material?” snapped Yuan-er. “No.”

Whoever Yuan-er’s mother was, she deserved to be tied to a stake and used as target practice for archers.

“Fine, we’ll just hide them in the woodshed then,” said Luo Binghe.

The toddler crossed his arms. “Fine.”

The robes were all dry, so Luo Binghe took them off the clothesline and folded them carefully. He then put the clothes in a qiankun pouch to protect them from mould and insects. After that, he picked up the pouch and walked towards the woodshed, with the toddler following behind, squeaking annoyingly as he walked.

Living in the woodshed for two years meant that Luo Binghe knew all the best crevices to hide things. He had used them to hide his cultivation manual and whatever small treasures he had from his shixiongs before. He found a crevice big enough for the qiankun pouch behind a pile of logs and pushed it in.

He looked up to see Yuan-er standing at the entrance of the woodshed with an odd look on his face.

“Yuan-er, aren’t you coming in?” he called.

The toddler took a step back and shook his head. Luo Binghe didn’t force the issue any further. Perhaps this dark woodshed was scary to a two-year-old?

Luo Binghe got to his feet and dusted himself off. “There, done,” he announced. “We can go back now.”

Yuan-er gave him a wide berth when he exited the woodshed. Luo Binghe blinked. He hadn’t thought that the woodshed smelled bad, but he gave himself a discreet sniff just in case.

“Walk in front of me,” ordered the toddler.

Bossy little thing, thought Luo Binghe, feeling a sudden burst of affection for the toddler. But he did as Yuan-er told him, and made his way back to the bamboo house, with Yuan-er following behind.

Later that day, Luo Binghe tearfully told his Shizun that someone had stolen some of his laundry off the clothesline - not even a lie, really. Shizun had then patted him on the head and told him not to worry, that it was only some clothes after all. Luo Binghe nearly slumped with relief. Yuan-er had been right, after all!

Once Shizun’s back was turned, he gave the toddler a conspiratorial wink. The toddler turned away from him with a sniff. Luo Binghe stifled a laugh. Ah, Yuan-er could really be so cute at times.

Chapter Text

Yue Qingyuan knocked on the door of Shen Qingqiu’s bamboo house. A short while later, his shidi opened the door.

“Ah Qingqiu-shidi, I brought you the documents you need,” said Yue Qingyuan as he indicated the papers he was holding.

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “Thank you, Zhangmen-shixiong.” He then stepped aside to let Yue Qingyuan in. “Please come in.”

Yue Qingyuan walked in and handed the papers over to Shen Qingqiu. He looked around for Yuan-er, only to find him sitting cross-legged in his crib.

“Zhangmen-shixiong, please don’t give him any presents today,” warned Shen Qingqiu. He turned to glare at his son. “Yuan-er was very naughty earlier.”

The toddler didn’t look the least bit repentant over whatever bout of naughtiness that had gotten his father to jail him in his crib. As a matter of fact, Yue Qingyuan recognised that expression. It was the same look his Xiao-Jiu had worn whenever he had succeeded in stealing something big, or had single-handedly defeated an older boy in battle. Triumphant and all too pleased with himself.

(It almost took Yue Qingyuan’s breath away to see that look again).

“What did he do?” asked Yue Qingyuan.

“I have finally defeated Liu Qingge in battle,” Yuan-er smugly informed him.

“What battle?” snapped his father. “You pretended that you were going to hug him only to hit the poor man in the-” his voice dropped to an angry hiss “-pillar and stones.”

The toddler cackled wickedly at the reminder.

Yue Qingyuan bit the inside of his cheek until he deemed himself sufficiently under control.

“Congratulations on your victory, Yuan-er,” he offered at last.

The toddler beamed even wider.

Shen Qingqiu immediately rounded on him. “Shixiong, don’t encourage him,” he scolded. He then turned back to shake a finger at his son. “It was very mean of you! You could have ruined Liu Qingge’s chances of having children in the future!”

“Oh, if only I had,” retorted Yuan-er. “I would have done the world a favour, saving it from the scourge of a litter of ill-mannered, violent little brutes!”

“Why, you-”

Yue Qingyuan politely excused himself and left the bamboo house. Neither father nor son paid much attention to his leaving, as intent as they were on their quarrel.

Yue Qingyuan made his way back to his own house, keeping on the mask of a serene sect leader. He only made one stop on the way, and that was to his head disciple to tell them that he was not to be disturbed by anyone for a shichen. Once he was inside his house, he locked the door and closed all of the windows.

There in the privacy of his house, Yue Qingyuan sat on a chair and laughed and laughed until his sides hurt. Oh, poor Liu-shidi, getting hit in the balls by a naughty two-year-old! And his poor Xiao-Jiu too! He’d gotten a son who was just like him!

Chapter Text

He had done it. He had finally won the Cang Qiong Mountain Disciples’ Weiqi Competition! Luo Binghe smiled as Zhangmen-shibo handed him the prize reward of a dozen spirit stones, while the defeated competitors and audience politely clapped for him. But far more than the spirit stones, Luo Binghe was looking forward to his true reward. He had managed to extract a promise from Shizun earlier that if he won the weiqi competition, his Shizun would grant him a request, and he couldn’t wait to cash in on that!

Once he was in the bamboo house, Luo Binghe eagerly turned towards his Shizun. Shizun quietly laughed, a sweet sound that thrilled Luo Binghe every time he heard it. Shizun’s fan came up to cover his mouth.

“Alright, out with it,” he said. “What would Binghe like to ask as his reward?”

A kiss, thought Luo Binghe wistfully. But he couldn’t ask for that. Not yet, at least.

“For his reward, this disciple would like it if the three of us could go to the festival in town together next week,” said Luo Binghe.

Shizun closed his fan and frowned. “Is Binghe sure? Wouldn’t you prefer to go to the festival with a lovely young maiden instead of with an old man and a baby?”

His Shizun was far more beautiful than any of the maidens Luo Binghe had met put together.

Luo Binghe set his jaw. “This disciple is sure.”

Shizun then smiled and reached out to pat him on the head. “Alright then. This master did promise, after all.”

Luo Binghe closed his eyes briefly as he basked in the head pats. His eyes then wandered to Yuan-er who was currently napping in his crib. There was one person who would not be happy about this at all.

True enough, as Luo Binghe was busy cutting vegetables in the kitchen as preparation for dinner, he heard the sounds of a burgeoning tantrum.

“NO! NO! NO! NO! I DON’T WANT TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL WITH THAT STUPID BE-BRAT!”

Already used to the toddler’s tantrums, Luo Binghe sighed inwardly and mentally tuned out the rest of his screams as he continued with the preparations for dinner.

Finally, the toddler went silent.

“Are you done? Do you feel better now that you’ve screamed everything out?” Luo Binghe heard his Shizun ask.

“NO!” yelled the toddler.

Shizun sighed. “If you don’t want to come, then you don’t have to. You can stay with Ning Yingying while Binghe and I go to the festival together.”

If Yuan-er didn’t come, then instead of a family outing, wouldn’t it be like a - he blushed at the thought - like a date with Shizun? He suddenly found himself fervently hoping that Yuan-er would decide to stay with Ning Yingying instead of coming with them.

“Stupid baba, of course I’m coming,” replied Yuan-er. “You’re far too open for your own good. You clearly need me to look out for you.”

Was Yuan-er trying to say that he’d protect Shizun from danger? Luo Binghe imagined the toddler biting the ankles of any attacking monster or demon and had to giggle. Well, it was kindly meant anyway.

__________________________

The day of the festival dawned bright and sunny. Luo Binghe had been so excited for this day to come that he could barely concentrate on Meng Mo’s lessons last night, much to the dream demon’s disgust.

Luo Binghe stretched, still in bed. He’d have to get up and prepare breakfast for the three of them, he knew. Then there were the classes and household duties that he still needed to attend to, no matter how much he wished that he could just skip to the going to the festival with Shizun and Yuan-er part.

From outside his room, he could hear Yuan-er shrieking for his father to get up and let him out of his crib. Luo Binghe sighed. Time for him to get up as well.

Finally, it was time for the three of them to head into town. Luo Binghe changed into his best robes for the occasion and reconvened with the other two.

“Binghe is looking very nice,” said Shizun as he smiled at him. “All the unmarried girls in town will surely lose their hearts to you once they see you.”

Next to Shizun, Yuan-er who was wearing similar robes to his father, pretended to gag.

Luo Binghe tried not to blush at his Shizun’s words. Shizun thought that he looked good! He didn’t want any girls, pretty or not, to fall in love with him though. There was only one person in the world who’d Luo Binghe be thrilled if they fell in love with him, and that person was standing right in front of him!

“You look like a toad,” offered Yuan-er. “An ugly toad.”

“Yuan-er, don’t be mean,” scolded Shizun as he looked down at his son. “This is a festival day, after all.”

The toddler rolled his eyes but then lifted his arms to signal to his father that he wanted to be carried. Shizun sighed and picked him up.

“Remember what we talked about earlier,” Shizun reminded Yuan-er. “Be?”

“Nice,” grumbled the toddler. “I remember.”

Yuan-er remembering that he’d been told to be nice today wasn’t the same thing as the toddler actually being nice, but Luo Binghe wasn’t going to be the one to point that out today.

Luo Binghe had already arranged for a carriage to bring them to town. Shizun walked towards it, still carrying his son. Over his father’s shoulder, Yuan-er glared at Luo Binghe. He then stabbed two fingers at his eyes, pointed them at Luo Binghe and then back again to his own eyes. Luo Binghe struggled to keep a straight face when he recognised Shizun’s odd “I’ve got my eyes on you” gesture. He nodded to Yuan-er in understanding. The toddler, deciding that Luo Binghe had received the message, turned away from him with a sniff. Hiding a smile, Luo Binghe followed behind his Shizun into the carriage.

Less than half a shichen later, Yuan-er was fast asleep in his father’s lap. Luo Binghe couldn’t help but chuckle as he gazed upon the sleeping toddler. In Yuan-er’s defence, he had put up a fight against sleep - rubbing his eyes and jerking up every time his head started to droop, even resorting to pinching his arms to keep himself awake. Shizun had then caught his hands and lightly chided him for doing such a thing to himself. Then he put his son in his lap, rubbed his back and hummed one of his odd songs. Yuan-er had tried to struggle against his father’s arms, but succumbed to slumber within minutes.

Luo Binghe shared an amused smile with his Shizun. “We better keep quiet or else he’ll wake up,” said Shizun.

Luo Binghe nodded. He suddenly remembered the first time he had shared a carriage with his Shizun. Back then, he had mentally prepared himself for Shizun to punish him somehow, only for the man to ignore him instead. Then all of a sudden, Shizun had smiled at him, transforming that previously harsh visage into something gentle and bright. The fourteen-year-old Luo Binghe hadn’t understood his feelings back then, but the now older Luo Binghe realised it as the first stirrings of attraction.

Then shortly afterwards, they had run into the Skinner Demon, who had half-stripped Shizun and tied him with Immortal-Binding Cables, and - nope, nope, not continuing with that line of thought. Think pure and chaste thoughts, Luo Binghe. Pure and chaste thoughts only!

The two of them sat in comfortable silence together. When they reached the town, Shizun shook Yuan-er awake. The toddler sat up in his father’s lap and rubbed his eyes.

“Did you have a good nap, Yuan-er?” Luo Binghe couldn’t help but ask.

The toddler scowled at him in reply, and then turned away with his nose stuck up high. Yeah, Luo Binghe thought that would be his reaction. Not that he expected much different.

Their carriage dropped them off at the marketplace, which was already bustling despite the fact that it was still evening. Children ran about and played in the streets. Luo Binghe thought that Yuan-er would want to play in the streets as well, but the toddler made no move to get down from his father’s arms. Either he was too shy to play with the other children, or he was scared of the crowds.

The three of them had an early dinner at a food stall that was selling kuey teow. After that, they wandered the marketplace together.

At one point, Shizun stopped by a stall and pushed his purchases into Luo Binghe’s hands. It was a bottle of hair oil and a jar of hair cream.

“Binghe has such lovely hair,” praised Shizun. “You should take better care of it.”

If Shizun liked his hair, then Luo Binghe would make sure that his hair would be the best-groomed in all of Cang Qiong.

Yuan-er snorted. “Baba, if you’re so worried about the brat’s grooming, then you should have bought him a razor. A shaved head is far easier to take care of, after all.”

Shizun looked so horrified at the idea of Luo Binghe being bald, that Luo Binghe had to struggle not to laugh. Instead, he rubbed his chin and pretended to look thoughtful.

“Yuan-er’s idea does bear merit, Shizun. Perhaps I should just shave my head bald like some of the Ku Xing disciples?” said Luo Binghe.

Shizun looked even more horrified. “Absolutely not! This master forbids it. Binghe is a member of Qing Jing Peak, not Ku Xing Peak!”

Luo Binghe burst out laughing. “Shizun, this disciple was just joking! If Shizun doesn’t wish it, of course this disciple will not shave his head.”

Shizun settled back down. “Good. Binghe looks better with hair anyway.”

“I really meant it though,” piped up a small voice.

“You, hush,” ordered Shizun.

The toddler immediately subsided. The fact that he went quiet so easily made Luo Binghe suspect that Yuan-er was planning some mischief. Oh well, he’d deal with it when it happened.

They came by a stall selling books. Shizun’s eyes immediately lit up once he saw the books and he practically dove into the pile. The owner, clearly sensing a future large purchase, immediately appeared and engaged Shizun in conversation, with Yuan-er piping up every now and then.

Partway through the conversation, Shizun turned to Luo Binghe with a smile. “There’s no need for Binghe to stay around and be bored, so why don’t you go around and sightsee for a while.” He winked at Luo Binghe. “Perhaps you might meet a pretty young girl, huh?”

Luo Binghe had zero interest in girls, pretty or not, but he nodded anyway. He had seen a stall selling fans earlier. A new fan would be a perfect gift for Shizun.

Shizun rummaged in his sleeve. “Before you go, I do believe that I have an extra money pouch for you, Binghe.”

Luo Binghe backed away and shook his head. “No need, Shizun. I already have some money of my own.”

He had already exchanged two of his prize spirit stones for actual money in preparation for this day. Between the two of them, Shizun was always the one who’d buy presents for him, so this time, it was Luo Binghe’s turn to buy him something for a change!

Shizun took his hand out of his sleeve. “Well, if Binghe is sure…”

“This disciple is sure, Shizun,” replied Luo Binghe. He bowed towards his Shizun. “This disciple will go now.”

Shizun waved at him. “Have fun, Binghe.”

“I hope you get lost and never come back,” said Yuan-er.

“Yuan-er!”

Already used to the toddler’s attitude, Luo Binghe bit back a smile as he loped off towards the fan stall.

The stall owner definitely had a variety of fans for sale. Luo Binghe immediately rejected the bamboo themed fans. Shizun already possessed three fans adorned with bamboo scenery, so another one wouldn’t be special. Should he then get this fan with cranes painted on it? Or perhaps he should buy this lotus-themed one instead? Or should he just go ahead and splurge on this black silk fan with red peonies embroidered on it?

Luo Binghe opened and closed the black silk fan experimentally as he imagined his Shizun using it. In the end, he sadly shook his head and put the fan down. The fan was beautiful, but it wouldn’t match with any of Shizun’s robes. What a pity.

The stall also boasted plain fans that one could paint their own design on. It also sold the materials needed to make a bamboo fan. Hmmm. If Luo Binghe wanted to give Shizun a personalised fan, it would be easier to just buy a plain fan and paint it himself. But wouldn’t his gift be more meaningful if he made it from scratch? He didn’t have to worry about Yuan-er potentially getting into his room and ruining his efforts, if he did. After the second time the toddler had gotten into his room and messed things up, Shizun had gotten some An Ding Peak disciples to install a bolt on Luo Binghe’s door, high enough that the toddler wouldn’t be able to reach it even if he stood on a chair, but still within Luo Binghe’s reach.

Mind made up, Luo Binghe made his purchase. He was about to hurry back to Shizun’s side when he noticed a toy stall nearby. It was mostly selling dolls and stuffed toys, but there were also paper butterflies and horses on wheels with a string attached so that a child could drag it along behind them.

Luo Binghe picked up a stuffed dog, turning it over in his hands. He should really buy Yuan-er something as well. The trouble was that the toddler would throw away any presents that Luo Binghe gave him. The only thing he’d accept from him was food, and even then he would often act as if it was poisoned. It really spoke volumes of what Yuan-er’s life was like before Shizun, for the child to be so worried about poison.

Luo Binghe sighed. Perhaps he should pass the toy to Shizun to give to his son then. Or perhaps he should pass it to Yue-shibo to give to Yuan-er. He still didn’t understand the toddler’s behaviour towards the sect leader. If they were in the same room together, Yuan-er would either pretend to ignore him, or try to bite him at every opportunity, but at the same time, he’d accept all of the sect leader’s gifts. And not only that, all of Yuan-er’s favourite toys were the ones Zhangmen-shibo had bought for him.

(Out of curiosity, Luo Binghe had once asked Yuan-er if he liked or hated Yue-shibo, but the toddler had simply turned away and had refused to answer).

Maybe he should pass it to Yue-shibo. Luo Binghe imagined the toddler playing with this stuffed dog and then, the look on his face when Luo Binghe finally revealed who exactly had bought that particular toy, and had to snigger. It was petty, he knew, but the toddler tried to bully him so many times that Luo Binghe believed that he should be allowed to tease him a little.

Luo Binghe paid the stall owner for the toy, put it in his qiankun pouch and then headed back to the book stall. He returned to find Yuan-er helping his father pack their purchases into a qiankun pouch. He had no idea how many books Shizun had bought, but judging from the huge grin on the stall owner’s face, it must have been a lot.

“Shizun, did you get all the books you wanted?” asked Luo Binghe.

“Baba overpaid,” Yuan-er informed him with a sniff.

“I did not overpay. You were simply being cheap,” replied Shizun.

“I wasn’t being cheap, I was trying to get Baba a better price, but go ahead and run our peak into the red, why don’t you?” retorted Yuan-er as he crossed his arms and stuck out his lower lip in a pout.

Luo Binghe couldn’t believe that he had missed seeing the toddler’s attempts at bargaining. He almost pitied the poor shopkeeper who had to indulge him.

Shizun sighed, shoved the remaining books into the qiankun pouch and put it back in his sleeve. He then picked up his son, who was now refusing to look at him.

“Don’t sulk,” Shizun told him. “Half of these books are for you anyway.”

“I still could’ve gotten them for a cheaper price,” grumbled the toddler.

“Yes, yes, but now why don’t we all go get some snacks,” said Shizun, changing the subject.

Yuan-er sniffed again, but allowed his father to carry him off. Luo Binghe made sure to keep pace with his Shizun.

“Did Binghe buy anything?” asked Shizun.

Luo Binghe thought of his purchases, kept snugly in his qiankun pouch and shook his head. He’d keep his present as a surprise for Shizun later.

Shizun patted his shoulder. “It’s fine, I’m sure Binghe will find something he likes.”

“Yes, Shizun,” replied Luo Binghe dutifully.

As they walked together, out of the corner of Luo Binghe’s eye, he spied a small hand reaching out to him. He sighed inwardly. No doubt the toddler meant to pinch him. Now, he could easily dodge the toddler’s hand, but that bore the risk of causing Yuan-er to throw a tantrum, and well, he was having a good time on this little outing so far. He didn’t want to have the day ruined by a tantrum.

He decided to pretend to not notice the little hand, and true enough, he felt a sharp pinch on his right arm. Luo Binghe rubbed his arm and pretended to look around for the pincher. Yuan-er smiled at him maliciously from his father’s arms. Luo Binghe looked away from him and continued to walk alongside Shizun.

Of course, the toddler tried to pinch him again, only this time Shizun caught him at it. Shizun smacked Yuan-er’s hand away and gave him a scolding for trying to pinch him. Luo Binghe resisted the urge to smirk at the toddler or point and laugh silently at him behind Shizun’s back like he usually did whenever Yuan-er got a scolding from his father. That would only provoke the toddler into a tantrum, and Luo Binghe didn’t want that. Not today.

They stopped by a stall where Shizun bought them snacks.

“What a cute little boy you have there, daozhang,” cooed the stall owner, a portly middle-aged woman.

Yuan-er smiled back at her. “Jiejie is very pretty too.”

“Jiejie!” exclaimed the stall owner. “What a little charmer!”

Saying that, she reached out to pinch Yuan-er’s cheek and then presented him with a free tanghulu. The toddler sweetly thanked her for the tanghulu, and the three of them moved on.

Shizun raised his eyebrows at his son. Yuan-er waved the tanghulu at him.

“I got free tanghulu,” replied the toddler defensively.

“So you did, so you did,” remarked Shizun. He then turned to Luo Binghe and said, “Binghe, I heard that there’ll be fireworks soon. Why don’t we sit on a roof together and eat our snacks while we watch the fireworks?”

Luo Binghe nodded eagerly. “That sounds like a good idea, Shizun.” He scanned the buildings to find the best perch for them, and selected a particularly tall building. “How about that one, Shizun?”

Shizun tapped his fan against his chin in thought and then finally nodded. “That one seems perfectly fine, Binghe.”

The two of them got on their swords and flew to the roof of the building. There, they sat on the tiles and munched on their snacks together.

“I don’t see any fireworks,” complained Yuan-er, from his position in Shizun’s lap.

“They’ll start eventually, don’t worry about it,” replied Shizun soothingly.

True enough, after a while, the first firework lit up the sky, briefly painting it in red and gold before fading away. More fireworks then bloomed across the sky, in red, green, gold and silver.

Ah, lit up by the fireworks, Shizun looked so handsome, with his face tilted up towards the night sky and lips slightly parted.

“Beautiful,” he murmured.

Not as beautiful as you, Luo Binghe thought to himself. Bravely, he dared to slowly inch closer towards his master, until they were almost, just almost, touching.

If anyone could see them like this, wouldn’t they think the three of them were a family? Ah, Luo Binghe hoped that in the future, they could be a family for real. He looked up at the sky and wished that this moment could last forever.

Two minutes later, Yuan-er started yelling about how he was sitting far too close to them and needed to move away.

____________________________

Finally back from his trip to Huan Hua Palace, Shen Qingqiu happily flopped on his bed. Nothing like lying in your own bed after a long trip.

The toddler scum villain clambered onto the bed and poked him in the side. “How did the trip to Huan Hua Palace go?”

“Unfruitful,” replied Shen Qingqiu.

He had only gone to Huan Hua Palace in the first place after relentless prodding from the toddler scum villain to investigate the ex-disciple. Alright, he had also gone because he was curious to see the sect his little sheep would rule one day. (Hopefully, he’d avoid getting a tour of their water prison in the future).

What he had discovered was that the Old Palace Master had zero taste in interior designing. Gold and jewels everywhere, like some nouveau riche trying to show off how much money they had. Old man, you really have no style at all! Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is richer than your Huan Hua Palace, and you don’t see us flaunting our wealth around like that!

The original goods poked him again. “Did you get to talk to the ex-disciple?”

“Nope,” replied Shen Qingqiu. “The most I saw was a distant figure resembling that portrait of a certain ex-disciple speeding away from me.” He turned to look the original goods in the eye. “Just what did you do to him anyway?”

The question had been rhetorical. He could take a good guess on how the ex-disciple had been treated from the original goods’ own treatment of Luo Binghe.

The toddler scum villain waved a hand about. “Unimportant.” He poked Shen Qingqiu once more. “Why didn’t you chase after him?”

“The other librarians got in the way,” answered Shen Qingqiu.

They had been coldly polite about it too, insisting on showing him other parts of the library which just so happened to be in the opposite direction of the fleeing ex-disciple come assistant librarian. God knows what that ex-disciple had been telling his fellow disciples about him - or rather, about the original goods.

(To tell the truth, he hadn’t really tried to seek out the ex-disciple. He already knew that the ex-disciple wasn’t the one who’d destroy Cang Qiong in the future after all. There was no need to traumatise the poor guy any further).

Still, his trip to Huan Hua Palace hadn’t been entirely a waste of time. While their library had been smaller than Qing Jing Peak’s library, it still had a good few bestiaries that had kept Shen Qingqiu occupied during his time there.

“Useless,” grumbled the toddler scum villain. “You should’ve taken me along. I could have helped there.”

“This was supposed to be a research trip,” argued Shen Qingqiu. “Nobody brings babies into libraries. The Old Palace Master would have smelled a rat for sure. Assuming that the librarians would’ve allowed it in the first place.”

He poked the original goods back. “Remember how you’re still not allowed in the Qing Jing Peak library without me coming along?”

The toddler scum villain made a face. The one time he had tried to go into the library alone, he had gotten gently shooed out by one of the librarians. The original goods had not appreciated being kicked out of the library, gently or not, and an epic tantrum had commenced. The librarians had only relented on letting him in if he was accompanied by Shen Qingqiu at all times. What it meant was that Shen Qingqiu had to carry him around and pick out the books the toddler scum villain wanted to read.

“I absolutely loathe being a baby,” grumbled the original goods.

Shen Qingqiu patted him on the head. “Be strong, original goods, be strong. You’ll grow up before you know it,” he mocked.

Shen Qingqiu then had to quickly pull his hand away when the toddler scum villain tried to bite him.

“Condescend to me like that again and see what I do to you,” threatened the toddler scum villain.

Shen Qingqiu put up his hands in surrender. The toddler scum villain glared at him until he finally decided Shen Qingqiu had gotten the picture. He then poked him again.

“You do realise that this means that you have to go to Huan Hua Palace again, do you?” he asked.

Shen Qingqiu thought about having to persuade the Old Palace Master all over again to be allowed access to his library, and groaned.

______________________

Yue Qingyuan sighed happily as he relaxed in his courtyard. What a peaceful day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the fat koi in his pond were swimming merrily, and there was a toddler gnawing on his left arm.

He felt a little bad about disobeying his shidi. Earlier that day, Shen Qingqiu had dropped Yuan-er off to be babysat while he carried out his Peak Lord duties. Before leaving, he had given Yue Qingyuan strict orders not to let his son bite him, which he agreed to. Yue Qingyuan had meant to obey his shidi, had tried to keep the toddler occupied, first with his Duplo set and then by taking him to feed the koi, but eventually the toddler had demanded to be allowed to bite him and had made grabby hands towards his arm. He had refused at first, but then Yuan-er’s face had wobbled distressingly in a way that Yue Qingyuan feared that the child would either burst into tears or throw a tantrum, so he relented.

And that was how he ended up with a toddler chewing happily on his arm. It really wasn’t that painful, to be honest. Yue Qingyuan had been bitten by things far worse than a bitey two-year-old before this.

Was Yuan-er still in the teething phase? He had heard that babies had a teething phase, but he didn’t know how long it lasted. Hmmm. Perhaps he should buy Yuan-er some teething toys the next time he went to town.

Yue Qingyuan gazed down on the toddler. His father had put a little plait in his hair today, which made him look even more adorable than usual.

“Being two is tough, huh,” he said to the child.

Yuan-er made a grumbling sound that Yue Qingyuan decided to translate as “you have no idea what nonsense I have to deal with on a regular basis”.

Cute little thing.

Yue Qingyuan couldn’t resist. He used his free hand to pat the toddler on the head, but quickly had to jerk it away when Yuan-er snapped his teeth at it. The toddler glared at him, and then bit down on his arm in a new place, harder than he had earlier. Yue Qingyuan winced at the pain, but made no move to take his arm away from him. He supposed he deserved it. He knew how the toddler felt about anyone other than his father and a select few, trying to touch him, after all.

“Your father will be here soon,” he told the little boy. Shen Qingqiu would definitely scold them both if he caught Yuan-er biting him again.

Yuan-er slowly took his mouth away from Yue Qingyuan’s arm. He pulled Yue Qingyuan’s sleeve down, gave his arm a couple of pats and then smiled mischievously as he put a finger to his lips.

Yue Qingyuan was suddenly thrown back to when he was a child and had caught his Xiao-Jiu sneaking bugs into Shiwu’s clothes in the middle of the night. When Xiao-Jiu had realised that he was watching, he had then pulled the threadbare blanket over Shiwu, patted his sleeping form a couple of times, and smiled at Yue Qi as he put a finger to his lips.

Yue Qingyuan couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing.

The toddler stared at him.

Ah, how embarrassing. He was laughing his old laugh, the one Xiao-Jiu had used to say made him sound like a barnyard animal. Oh well, Yuan-er was the only one around to hear him laugh like this and if the toddler tried to tell anyone about this, he’d just play innocent and deny it.

Yue Qingyuan finally managed to bring himself under control. Yuan-er gave him an odd look, and then busied himself with throwing fish food to the koi, who greedily ate it up. Yue Qingyuan smiled down at the little boy and then joined him in feeding the fishes.

_______________________________

Shen Qingqiu found the original goods and Yue Qingyuan at the koi pond feeding the fishes. Well, it was certainly a welcome surprise not to see the original goods biting poor Yue Qingyuan’s arms. He always felt a little guilty about that.

“Was Yuan-er a good boy for Uncle Yue today?” he cooed.

The toddler scum villain gave him an evil glare, but nodded anyway.

“He was very well-behaved today, Qingqiu-shidi,” added Yue Qingyuan as he got to his feet and dusted himself off.

Shen Qingqiu narrowed his eyes at the sect leader. Oh really? That sounded very OOC for the original goods.

“Zhangmen-shixiong, could you raise your sleeves for me, please?” he asked.

Yue Qingyuan put his hands into his sleeves and widened his eyes at him. “Shidi, this is very forward of you.”

“What forward?” snapped Shen Qingqiu. “I just want to see your bare arms for a while. Now, lift your sleeves up.”

Yue Qingyuan smiled at him and took a step back. “I’d love to grant your request, Qingqiu-shidi, but I just remembered that I’m late for a meeting with Shang-shidi. So, goodbye.”

And saying that, he turned tail and ran off.

“Zhangmen-shixiong, wait!” called Shen Qingqiu.

Annnd he was running even faster now. Going, going, gone. Shen Qingqiu doubted that he was going to see Yue Qingyuan again until his bite marks were all healed.

He turned to look at the toddler scum villain who was currently lying on the ground and practically howling with laughter.

”What exactly is wrong with you two?” asked Shen Qingqiu in exasperation.

The toddler scum villain only laughed harder. Shen Qingqiu sighed but picked up the still-laughing original goods and started walking towards his peak.

“Am I going to baby jail after this?” asked the original goods once he finally stopped laughing.

“Well, I don’t have any proof that you bit Yue Qingyuan, do I?” replied Shen Qingqiu tartly. “Though we both know that you very well did,” he continued in an undertone.

“Hah!” crowed the toddler scum villain, looking very pleased with himself.

“Would you like to admit to it?” asked Shen Qingqiu.

The original goods shook his head, still smirking.

Shen Qingqiu sighed. Yeah, he guessed as much. He continued his walk back to the bamboo house.

Of course, the day wasn’t done yet for him. He still had to mark his disciples’ assignments, and go through the mound of paperwork. While he attended to his Peak Lord duties, the toddler scum villain read one of his new books.

(Once while Binghe was away, he had asked the original goods if he could help him with the paperwork. The toddler scum villain only shook his head and had smugly informed him that “Yuan-er was only two years old” and thus could not help him there).

After that, it was bath time, dinner and then bedtime for both of them. Shen Qingqiu lied down in his bed and was about to close his eyes when a small voice piped up.

“I heard Yue Qingyuan laugh today,” it said.

Shen Qingqiu shrugged. “Okay.”

It wasn’t a big deal to hear the sect leader laugh. It was a nice laugh, really. A warm, dignified chuckle.

The toddler scum villain smacked his hand against the mattress. “No, not his stupid ‘I’m-a-dignified-sect-leader’ laugh. I mean, his real laugh!”

Shen Qingqiu turned his face towards him, curious now.

“It’s awful, you know,” continued the original goods. “It sounds like a pig snorting away. It’s small wonder that he had to cultivate that dignified chuckle. Can’t have the sect leader of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect sounding like a barnyard animal whenever he laughs, after all.”

He then went silent for so long that Shen Qingqiu wondered if he had fallen asleep.

“...I missed it,” came a very small voice.

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes widened.

The toddler scum villain waved his arms around. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m still mad at him for what he did! I’m not ever forgiving him for that!”

He paused. “It’s just that it was nice to hear it again, that’s all.”

Shen Qingqiu cleared his throat. “So, would you like to talk about-”

“No,” replied the original goods firmly. He then said in a softer tone, “Go to sleep, body thief. You can’t fix everything.”

Shen Qingqiu obediently closed his eyes, but his mind was churning. He still didn’t think the original goods’ relationship with Yue Qingyuan was beyond fixing.Their interactions together confirmed that.

(Whatever sin that Yue Qingyuan had supposedly committed against the original goods, it was definitely something that the sect leader still felt guilty about. That would explain why Yue Qingyuan was always so good to him - even to the point of protecting him despite his supposed murder of their shidi in PIDW).

Still, if the toddler scum villain could just tell him what exactly had happened between them, Shen Qingqiu was sure that he’d be able to help. Alas, it was like pulling teeth to get the original goods to talk. Maybe one day, he’d be able to tell Shen Qingqiu the truth, but apparently not just yet.

Chapter Text

The days flew by, with Shen Qingqiu living together with the protagonist and the toddler scum villain. On average, the most Shen Qingqiu could hope for was a truce between these two children as the original goods continued to be open about his dislike for poor Binghe. Still, there were times when Shen Qingqiu could believe that the original goods was starting to warm to the protagonist. Of course, these times were almost always followed by the toddler scum villain attempting to bully his poor little sheep.

Then there was the time when Shen Qingqiu had been called away for a short while to attend to some Peak matter, and had returned only to find out that the original goods had finally pushed the protagonist too far, and Luo Binghe had put him in baby jail as punishment.

The toddler scum villain had not been pleased about it at all, judging from the screaming. Ah, it was a good thing Luo Binghe had the protagonist halo, or else his eardrums would surely have been blown out.

Neither the toddler scum villain nor the protagonist would explain what had finally made Luo Binghe snap and put the original goods into baby jail though, no matter how many times Shen Qingqiu asked. In the end, he had to drop it.

There was also the Stuffed Dog Debacle. Yue Qingyuan had given the toddler scum villain a stuffed dog as a present and while the toy had not become one of his favourites, it had still been given a place in his crib. And then Luo Binghe had revealed that he was the one who had actually bought the toy. That had led to a screaming argument - the screaming coming from the original goods of course - where the original goods had refused to believe him and Luo Binghe persisted in saying that it was him. Yue Qingyuan, on a visit to Shen Qingqiu, had then made things worse by admitting that yes, Luo Binghe had passed the toy to him to give to Yuan-er.

The stuffed dog had ended up being thrown out of the window at full force - or rather, it would’ve been had the toddler scum villain had better aim in his current body.

What actually happened was that the toy bounced off the window sill and fell sadly to the ground. In the sudden silence, the original goods had slowly gone bright red, stomped towards Shen Qingqiu’s bed, climbed up on it and then pulled the blanket over himself. He was definitely growing mushrooms under those covers, for sure.

Seriously, original goods? You’re embarrassed about failing to throw a toy out of the window but not about lying on the ground, kicking and screaming because I wouldn’t let you bite the protagonist?!

Shen Qingqiu had pulled his fan out to cover his mouth. A glance to his side had shown the protagonist covering his mouth with both hands as he struggled not to laugh at the toddler scum villain. And as for Yue Qingyuan… well, if he was a girl in an anime, he would’ve probably been squealing “KAWAII!!!” at the top of his lungs. As it was, his eyes had been suspiciously bright as he gazed at the covered mound lying on Shen Qingqiu’s bed.

Baby fever. Get well soon, shixiong!

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t really blame Luo Binghe for the whole mess. His little white lotus had just wanted “Yuan-er” to accept at least one gift from him, and this was the only way he could think of.

Shen Qingqiu had ended up pressing the toy on Yue Qingyuan before he left. The original goods would only throw it in the garbage bin, and he always thought it a sad end for poor Binghe’s gifts.

The toddler scum villain had refused to come out from underneath the covers, despite Shen Qingqiu’s coaxing, not even when he called him for dinner. In the end, Shen Qingqiu had gotten fed up with him and just bundled him up in the blanket and dumped him in his crib. He also added a plate of dumplings and a bottle of tea to the crib for when the original goods finally got tired of sulking and decided that he was hungry.

For the next few days after that, the toddler scum villain pretended that Luo Binghe didn’t exist. In Shen Qingqiu’s opinion, considering the toddler scum villain’s usual behaviour towards him, this was more a reward than a punishment. He knew better than to open his mouth and say it though.

Yue Qingyuan was also punished for his part in the debacle. For the next few weeks, the original goods refused all his gifts. And when he finally agreed to reaccept them, Yue Qingyuan had to swear up and down each time that Luo Binghe played no part in the purchase of said present.

Ah, Zhangmen-shixiong. Shen Qingqiu was still nowhere near unlocking his and the original goods’ Shared Backstory. The toddler scum villain absolutely refused to tell him anything, and it was way too awkward to ask Yue Qingyuan himself. So in the end, all he could do was continue the babysitting sessions and hope that one day they’d finally manage to patch things up.

Shen Qingqiu had mixed feelings about the babysitting sessions. On one hand, it gave him time to himself. On the other hand, he felt bad about Yue Qingyuan getting bitten in every single fucking session! But if he didn’t send the toddler scum villain over for babysitting for a while, then Yue Qingyuan would visit the bamboo house on some pretext or another, cast wistful looks every now and then in the direction of the original goods who’d be pretending to ignore him and tell Shen Qingqiu that he was perfectly free on this or that day, just in case Shen Qingqiu wanted to bring Yuan-er over for babysitting (hint, hint).

And as for the toddler scum villain, he was far too tsundere to admit that he enjoyed the babysitting sessions with Yue Qingyuan. But if he went for far too long without spending time with his favourite chew toy, he would get exceedingly cranky. In the end, Shen Qingqiu would have to bring him to Qiong Ding Peak to be babysat by the sect leader.

Shen Qingqiu still didn’t understand why Yue Qingyuan allowed the toddler scum villain to bite him. He’d tell the man not to allow him to do it, and the only thing that had changed was that he now never caught the original goods in the act. He only knew it was still going on because Yue Qingyuan would run away every time Shen Qingqiu asked him to show his arms, sometimes not even bothering to give an excuse before he ran off. It made Shen Qingqiu want to tear at his hair. These two were such a pain!

Then there was the time when Shen Qingqiu had walked into Yue Qingyuan’s office, only to find the sect leader crawling on the floor with the toddler scum villain riding on his back and yanking on his hair to steer him about, while cackling maniacally.

It had made Shen Qingqiu’s eye twitch. Now, there was nothing wrong with a grown man giving a horseback ride to a child, but it was a completely different thing when you were aware that said child was actually a grown man trapped in a toddler’s body, and that he was solely doing this because he wanted to humiliate the sect leader.

Yue Qingyuan hadn’t looked the least bit humiliated though. But it was okay, because Shen Qingqiu could be embarrassed enough for the two of them. Scolding the original goods for making Yue Qingyuan give him a horseback ride hadn’t helped either. The original goods had simply pointed out that while he had made the demand, Yue Qingyuan had, out of his own free will, agreed to do it. He was right of course, so Shen Qingqiu couldn’t put him in baby jail for it.

Anyway, it was time to focus on the current matter, aka “Yuan-er’s” third birthday. Now, Shen Qingqiu could ignore it, but wouldn’t that make him look like a terrible father? Back in his old world, every parent, no matter how poor, would celebrate their child’s birthday. One couldn’t even say birthdays weren’t celebrated in PIDW because Shen Qingqiu remembered how the original Luo Binghe had always shared a dinner with his children on their birthdays.

Shen Qingqiu had asked the original goods when his birthday was, using the pretext of wanting to check his horoscope, but apparently he didn’t know either. It made Shen Qingqiu want to smack his mother over the head with his fan. This kid may be a huge pain in the butt, but you can’t even wish them a happy birthday on their birthday? What kind of parent are you?!

Anyway, since Shen Jiu didn’t remember his own birthday, Shen Qingqiu decided to take the day they met as his birthday. It would be a small party, he decided. Luo Binghe had agreed to make osmanthus cake for the occasion and he had already prepared his gift: a book of poetry.

Ning Yingying approached him after his lecture on Two-Tailed Leopard Foxes.

“Shizun, I heard from A-Luo that Yuan-er’s birthday is coming up soon,” she said.

Shen Qingqiu nodded. “Yes, that’s right.”

Ning Yingying clasped her hands together as she looked up at him. “Shizun, can Ming Fan and I come to Yuan-er’s birthday party too? Please?”

Well, the toddler scum villain was fond of Ning Yingying, and he was fine with Ming Fan so it shouldn’t be a problem.

“Of course you two can come, Ning Yingying,” replied Shen Qingqiu warmly.

Ning Yingying clapped her hands and squealed with delight. “Thank you, Shizun! I’ll go tell Ming-shixiong the good news.”

She took a few steps away and then paused to look at Shen Qingqiu. “Shizun, I almost forgot to ask but is this a surprise birthday party for Yuan-er?”

A surprise birthday party, huh. Eh, why not?

“Yes,” he said.

Ning Yingying nodded vigorously. “Got it, Shizun. I promise I won’t tell Yuan-er about this.”

And saying that, she ran off. Ah, he had forgotten to tell her that they didn’t really need to get any presents. Oh well. The toddler scum villain would just have to deal with getting a couple of new toys.

The trouble came when Shen Qingqiu invited Yue Qingyuan to the birthday party. It happened like this: after the Peak Lord meeting was concluded, Shen Qingqiu approached Yue Qingyuan who looked up and smiled his usual big-brother smile at him.

“Shidi, is there anything you need?” he asked.

“It’s like this, Zhangmen-shixiong,” replied Shen Qingqiu. Yuan-er’s third birthday is coming up and I wondered if you’d like to co-”

“Yes,I’d love to come, Qingqiu-shidi. Thank you for the invitation.”

Shen Qingqiu blinked. Well, that was fast. He supposed that he should have guessed, what with his shixiong’s chronic baby fever.

“Wait, Yuan-er’s having a birthday party? Can I come too, Shen-shixiong?” asked Yong Qingli, who popped up next to Shen Qingqiu.

“Ooh, can I come as well?” called Wei Qingwei.

Qi Qingqi gave a cough. “I suppose that I could make time in my schedule to come over for a while.”

Shen Qingqiu turned to look at Mu Qingfang, who gave him a mild smile. “Am I invited to Yuan-er’s birthday party as well, Shen-shixiong?”

Shen Qingqiu whipped out his fan to deal with the inquiring eyes of his martial siblings. Seriously, were they all so bored that they wanted to come to a child’s birthday party? It wasn’t as if they were that close with “Yuan-er” either. While the toddler scum villain attempted to bully Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge at every turn, with the others he stuck to his role as shy, sticky toddler and refused all attempts to be coaxed away from his father.

“Well, if you all would like to come for Yuan-er’s birthday party, then I suppose you’re invited,” he said reluctantly.

Yong Qingli gave a small cheer. The others beamed at Shen Qingqiu. He turned to meet Liu Qingge’s gaze.

Liu Qingge nodded to him and grunted out an “I’ll come,” before striding out of the meeting room.

Liu-shidi, I can understand the others but why do you want to come? You can’t be that bored, right? You don’t even like Yuan-er!

Shen Qingqiu sighed inwardly. Guess he needed to tell Binghe that they now needed a lot more food than they expected. Oh well, if it was too much for his little white lotus, he could always ask the kitchens for extra help.

__________________________

Luo Binghe insisted that he didn’t need the extra help, and that was how on the day of the toddler scum villain’s third birthday, he was in the kitchen cooking up a storm. Shen Qingqiu had tried to offer his assistance, but his little sheep had only shooed him out. To be fair, Shen Qingqiu didn’t think he would be much of a help, but he felt bad for having Luo Binghe do all of the cooking.

The original goods came to stand next to him. “So, just how many people are coming to this birthday party?”

“You know about the surprise party?” gasped Shen Qingqiu.

The toddler scum villain smirked up at him. “If you wanted it to be a secret, you shouldn’t have told Ning Yingying. She’s a good girl, but she’s not very good at keeping secrets.”

Shen Qingqiu sighed. Ah, he should have guessed. Ning Yingying wouldn’t have been able to hide that something was up and of course, the original goods would have poked and pried until she finally admitted what it was.

The toddler scum villain poked him in the leg. “So, just how many people are coming anyway?” he asked again.

“Ming Fan, Ning Yingying, maybe some of the other disciples, Yue Qingyuan and some of my other martial siblings,” answered Shen Qingqiu.

The toddler scum villain’s eyebrows flew upwards. “Are they that bored that they want to come to a child’s birthday party?”

“I know, right?” said Shen Qingqiu. “I only meant to invite Zhangmen-shixiong, but then so many of the others wanted to come as well and I couldn’t say no.”

The original goods groaned. “If our positions were reversed, I certainly wouldn’t go to some brat’s birthday party even if I was invited.”

Nobody would even want to invite you in the first place, original goods, thought Shen Qingqiu. But he knew better than to say that out aloud.

Eventually, the guests arrived, bearing their gifts. Yue Qingyuan’s present was rather large, even wrapped in cloth as it was. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but eye it speculatively. Just what was that anyway? Unfortunately, Yue Qingyuan insisted that his gift be opened last so he had no choice but to curb his curiosity.

Ning Yingying had brought the toddler scum villain another ball and Ming Fan had gotten him a top. Yong Qinglin and Wei Qingwei had brought stuffed toys, a pig and a pangolin respectively. Mu Qingfang gave the original goods a bottle of the xianxia equivalent of multivitamins and Qi Qingqi had gotten him a child’s storybook. The Ku Xing Peak Lord, on the other hand, brought him a rosary.

Liu Qingge gave the original goods a wooden sword, which Shen Qingqiu had to confiscate when the original goods used his new toy to whack Luo Binghe over the shins. Shang Qinghua hadn’t come, but he had sent a messenger with his gift: a toy whistle. Seeing the toddler scum villain’s eyes light up with an unholy gleam, Shen Qingqiu quickly made the decision to give the whistle to Luo Binghe to be gotten rid of. He did not want to be woken up in the middle of the night by a naughty toddler deciding to blow on his whistle.

The original goods pouted up at him when he saw the whistle being taken away. Shen Qingqiu raised his eyebrows at him. The original goods gave a rueful smile and shrugged as if to say, “alright, we both know what I was going to use it for.”

Shen Qingqiu’s own present had gotten him raised eyebrows from most of his martial siblings, but he had defended himself by claiming that it was never too early to interest children in poetry. Besides, what was more important than his martial siblings’ judgemental looks was the pleased expression on the toddler scum villain’s face as he beheld his present. Looked like he had guessed his favourite poet correctly, alright.

Finally, Yue Qingyuan revealed his gift. Astonished murmurs filled the room as everyone beheld his present. Shen Qingqiu’s grip on his fan tightened until it creaked.

It was a motherfucking tricycle.

When Shen Qingqiu had first read about it in PIDW, he had almost spat blood. His sentiments were still the same even after three years. Great god Airplane, does it make any sense to have fucking tricycles in a xianxia world?! Tricycles, but no bicycles?? You fucking hack! I swear if we ever meet, I will throttle you with my bare hands! I will beat you to death with my fan, chop up your corpse and feed them to the beasts on Shou Jiao Peak! Fuck you and your mother, Airplane-Shooting-Towards-The-Sky!!!

Thank god for his fan and his excellent poker face so none of his true sentiments were shown, or else poor Yue Qingyuan would be wondering what he had done wrong.

Meanwhile, the toddler scum villain thanked Yue Qingyuan for his kind gift by almost immediately running over his feet with the tricycle.

Shen Qingqiu pulled the toddler sum villain off the tricycle. “What have I told you about bullying my shixiong, hmm? Do I need to confiscate this toy too?” he scolded.

“Yuan-er is sorry,” yelped the original goods, struggling in his grip.

Lying little liar. He wasn’t even bothering to look the least bit repentant.

“Shidi, please don’t punish him. It was only an accident,” begged Yue Qingyuan. “And he’s already apologised too. I’m sure that he’s feeling very sorry about it.”

“No, he isn’t,” retorted Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge in chorus, much to Shen Qingqiu’s surprise.

“Well, it’s still his birthday,” argued Yue Qingyuan. “He’s a little boy, he shouldn’t be punished on his birthday.”

“Yes, that’s right, it’s my birthday,” crowed the toddler scum villain.

Shen Qingqiu sighed and put him down. “If you do anything naughty today again, I’ll take away your tricycle,” he threatened him.

The original goods made a face but nodded and dashed off towards Ning Yingying who wanted to play Duplo with him. Wei Qingwei tried to join in, but only got his hand smacked away for his pains.

Qi Qingqi drifted close to Shen Qingqiu. “It’s a pity that there aren’t any other children around,” she remarked. “Then Yuan-er could have friends his own age to play with.”

“Shimei, my son would only bully the other children,” replied Shen Qingqiu tiredly.

He could just see the toddler scum villain standing triumphantly while surrounded by bawling babies.

Qi Qingqi laughed.

“Shimei, I’m being serious,” insisted Shen Qingqiu. “I’d have to do so much apologising on his behalf.”

“I suppose you’d know better as his father,” admitted Qi Qingqi.

Shen Qingqiu changed the subject to the matter of their disciples, and Qi Qingqi was only too happy to tell him that Liu Mingyan had finally gotten her sword from Wan Jian Peak.

Eventually, the party drifted to a close and Shen Qingqiu bade his martial siblings and disciples goodbye, with the original goods and Luo Binghe standing next to him.

“So, did you enjoy your party, Yuan-er?” He heard Luo Binghe ask the original goods.

“Hmph,” said the toddler scum villain. “I would have preferred less guests, to be honest.” He then shot Luo Binghe a look that clearly said that he’d rather Luo Binghe not have been there.

“Next time, I’ll make sure that it’s just us, Ning Yingying, Ming Fan and Uncle Yue,” promised Shen Qingqiu.

The toddler scum villain nodded to him. “See to it that you do.”

He then yawned, long and hard, and rubbed his eyes. “I’m tired,” he complained.

“No surprise there, since it’s past your usual bedtime,” replied Shen Qingqiu. “Come, I’ll help you get ready for bed.”

After he had gotten the original goods washed up and popped into his cot for a good night’s sleep, Shen Qingqiu walked into the kitchen where Luo Binghe was still busy washing the dishes.

Shen Qingqiu rolled up his sleeves and picked up a dirty plate. “Binghe move over, let this master help as well.”

“Shizun, no,” gasped Luo Binghe.

He tried to take the plate out of Shen Qingqiu’s hands but Shen Qingqiu moved the plate out of his reach before he could do that.

“This disciple can do it himself, Shizun,” he said firmly. “Shizun should rest while I clean up.”

“It was this master’s fault that Binghe had more work to do. It’s only fair that I help as well,” retorted Shen Qingqiu. “Now, do you want me to wash while you dry, or should it be the other way around?”

Luo Binghe paused as he thought. “This disciple can do the washing. Shizun can dry afterwards,” he said at last.

“Alright then,” replied Shen Qingqiu, passing him the dirty plate and taking up a dry cloth instead.

They worked in comfortable silence, with Luo Binghe washing the plates and utensils while Shen Qingqiu dried them. Luo Binghe was faster at washing than Shen Qingqiu was at drying, so in the end, Luo Binghe helped him out with the drying.

After that, there was the sweeping, mopping and cleaning of the dining table. Shen Qingqiu put the poetry book and the story book on the bottom shelf of one of the bookshelves. The xianxia equivalent of multivitamins went in the kitchen while the new toys were put on the dresser that he had gotten for the original goods. The tricycle on the other hand, went under the veranda, safe from the rain.

Finally, they were both done with the cleaning up. Shen Qingqiu smiled at Luo Binghe and patted him on the head. Ah, his little white lotus was getting so tall. “Thank you for all your hard work today, Binghe.”

Luo Binghe beamed up at him. “It was no trouble at all, Shizun.”

“Go get some sleep,” ordered Shen Qingqiu gently, dropping his hand back down to one side. “You still have classes in the morning.”

“Yes, Shizun,” said Luo Binghe dutifully.

He opened his bedroom door and paused before going in. “Goodnight, Shizun.”

“Goodnight, Binghe,” replied Shen Qingqiu.

Luo Binghe smiled at him again before closing the door. Well, time for him to go to bed as well.

_________________________

Unsurprisingly, the tricycle was the toddler scum villain’s favourite birthday gift and he rode it wherever he could, which meant the courtyard and the well-paved lanes of Qing Jing Peak.

Of course, his favourite thing to do on the tricycle was to go back to his old hobby of chasing Luo Binghe around. Like he was doing right now.

Shen Qingqiu watched the toddler scum villain pedal his tricycle at top speed, moving his little legs as fast as they could go, as he chased after Luo Binghe. At least Luo Binghe was having fun, judging from that grin on his face. Shen Qingqiu wasn’t sure about the original goods, but oh well, at least he was getting some exercise.

(He had checked in with Luo Binghe multiple times whether he was really fine with the toddler scum villain chasing him around on his tricycle and each time Luo Binghe had assured him that he was fine. “I can always run off the paved paths or jump on the veranda if I don’t want him to chase me, Shizun,” he had said with a smile).

Shen Qingqiu fanned himself with the fan Luo Binghe had made for him with his own two hands as he watched the two of them go. It was a nice fan, really, depicting a crane at a lake filled with lotuses. Just like the protagonist to be good at everything he turned his hand to!

Luo Binghe ended the chase by jumping up on the veranda. “Safe!” he announced.

The toddler scum villain stopped his tricycle. He scowled up at Luo Binghe as he jabbed one finger down at the ground. “Come back down here so that I can run you over!”

“No thank you,” called Luo Binghe. “I have to prepare lunch now. Maybe after lunch, you can try to run me down?”

The original goods glared at him, but then nodded reluctantly.

Shen Qingqiu hid a smile behind his fan. That almost never happened. Chasing Luo Binghe around on his tricycle usually tired the original goods enough that he’d end up having a nap after lunch. Luo Binghe would then go for classes and by the time he came back, it would be dark enough that Shen Qingqiu would have to put his foot down on the matter of tricycle riding.

Still, it was kind of his fluffy sheep to let the toddler scum villain save face. The few times Luo Binghe had accidentally said the word “play”, it had sent the toddler scum villain into a tantrum.

It would make the original goods screech if he heard this, but Shen Qingqiu was starting to think that these two were starting to bond. Finally.

_____________________________

There was something wrong with the body thief. Ever since he’d gotten the bronze invitation to the Immortal Alliance Conference, the body thief had been getting more and more down. Oh, he tried to hide it, but Shen Jiu could tell. Every now and then, he would look oddly at the beast whenever he wasn’t looking. Shen Jiu couldn’t decipher those looks. Sorrow? Regret? Guilt? Something of that sort anyway. Sometimes, he’d also glare at the empty space in front of him. Something was wrong, and it had to do with the god who sent him here.

The beast was off on a nighthunt, so it was only the two of them in the bamboo house. Just the way Shen Jiu liked it.

The body thief was seated at the dining table, attempting to paint an Eight-Winged Storm Crow, but his heart clearly wasn’t in it. Shen Jiu sat across from him.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked.

“Nothing’s wrong with me,” replied the body thief, not meeting his gaze as he glided the brush over the paper’s surface.

Shen Jiu snorted. “Don’t lie to me. There’s definitely something wrong.” He paused. “It’s the god, isn’t it? What did it say?

The body thief put the brush down and looked at Shen Jiu as he pondered what to say. Shen Jiu felt a stab of annoyance. Hadn’t they agreed to work together to prevent that horrible fate of Cang Qiong and everyone living in the sect? Weren’t they allies? So why did the body thief feel the need to hide this from him? He wasn’t actually a child, after all.

“The god said that the Immortal Alliance Conference will be attacked by demons,” said the body thief finally. “They’re apparently going to sneak in a whole bunch of high-level monsters to attack and kill the disciples.”

“When you say ‘high-level’, just how powerful are these monsters?” asked Shen Jiu.

“Black Moon Python Rhinoceros level or a little less or so,” answered the body thief.

Shen Jiu swore. That was bad.

“And Huan Hua Palace is in charge of organising the current conference, so we can’t go tightening security ourselves,” he grumbled. “And you can’t just tell people that demons are going to attack the place. Not without proof. And saying that ‘a god told me so’ will only make you sound like a madman.”

He looked up at the body thief. “Did you at least try telling Huan Hua Palace to take extra measures with the security of the conference?”

The body thief made a face as if he was biting into a lemon. “I did.”

Shen Jiu sighed. “Let me guess: you got the verbal equivalent of being patted on the head and told not to bother your pretty little head about this.”

The body thief nodded. “In fairness to the Old Palace Master, it probably sounded like I didn’t trust Huan Hua Palace to take care of things.”

He still looked pretty sour. The Old Palace Master must’ve been very condescending about his concerns. Sounded like the old bastard, alright.

“There must be something we can do,” mused Shen Jiu. “Did the god say when exactly will this invasion happen?”

The body thief looked into empty space. Whatever answer he got must not have been very pleasant because he glared at said space before slumping down.

“Nothing,” he said, still glaring at the empty space. “We’re not allowed to interfere with this. This invasion is apparently a-” he flexed both his index and middle fingers at the same time -”’compulsory event’.”

Translation: the god wanted to see scores of teenagers die horribly for its amusement. Alright, so there would be some adult cultivators in the mix, but most of the competitors would be teenagers.

Shen Jiu suddenly understood why the body thief was so glum lately. As Peak Lord of Qing Jing Peak, he was expected to select a certain number of disciples to take part in the conference. If this was an ordinary Immortal Alliance Conference, it wouldn’t be a problem. But if one knew that said disciples would have to face high-level monsters that even adult cultivators might have difficulty with… well, that was a different matter altogether. And even worse if the heavens themselves prevented you from so much as warning anyone.

It also explained the odd looks the body thief gave the beast every now and then. Shen Jiu hated to admit it, but the beast was one of the best disciples on Qing Jing Peak. Not entering his name in the competition would only raise questions. Not that Shen Jiu cared if the beast got killed by a monster.

He thought of who else the body thief would have to send and his blood went cold when he imagined bright, cheerful Ning Yingying getting gored to death by a Black Moon Python Rhinoceros.

“Don’t put Ning Yingying’s name down on the list,” he ordered.

It was the body thief’s turn to sigh. “How can I not? She’s one of the top disciples here. Not putting her name down will only look like sexism.” He paused. “And you know as well as I do how Ning Yingying has her heart set on securing a spot to the Immortal Alliance Conference and how hard she’s worked towards that goal.”

“She’d be a lot less enthusiastic about it if she knew that there’d be Black Moon Python Rhinoceroses running about,” snapped Shen Jiu.

Ah, but Ning Yingying really had blossomed under the body thief’s tutelage. It made Shen Jiu wonder if he could have brought out her talents had he remained Shen Qingqiu.

Probably not. He never really had much liking or patience for teaching. Still, he didn’t like the idea of her being put in harm’s way, growing maturity and skills or not.

The body thief rubbed his forehead. “Fine, fine, I’ll think about it. There’s still time before I need to submit the list of names anyway.”

Shen Jiu nodded. At least he had the body thief thinking about it, instead of simply adding her name to the list. Was there anything else they could do since they couldn’t stop the invasion?

“You need to do a series of lectures about the possible monsters that they’ll face during the Immortal Alliance Conference and how to deal with them,” he continued. “Open it to all the disciples, not just Qing Jing Peak. Yue Qingyuan and the brute will definitely support you, and with their encouragement, the other disciples will come.”

The body thief’s face brightened. “That does sound like a good idea,” he agreed.

“I thought that you might like to hold other people captive and talk about monsters for hours, instead of just your disciples,” said Shen Jiu dryly.

He himself had been forced to listen to the body thief ramble on and on about some monster or another on more than one occasion. It made Shen Jiu believe that the body thief would honestly be happier if the god had put him in the body of the Shou Jiao Peak Lord instead, where he’d get to coo and play with all the creatures living on that peak.

The body thief shoved his half-finished painting to one side and started to excitedly plan for his lectures. Shen Jiu decided to leave him to it. There was a new book calling his name.

_______________________

Ming Fan was here, offering to bring dinner for both him and the body thief. The body thief looked at him briefly, sighed and then reluctantly accepted Ming Fan’s offer, like he usually did whenever the beast was away. Later on, he’d eat only a small portion of the food, grumbling about how bland the food was the whole time and shooting Shen Jiu looks as if it was his fault the food was like this. Stupid fussy body thief. The traditional cuisine of Qing Jing Peak was meant to be bland! Shen Jiu honestly suspected that it was deliberately made so in order to motivate the disciples to achieve inedia.

But really, the body thief’s attitude towards decent food was proof that he’d been a spoiled young master in his past life. Shen Jiu certainly in all his time as a slave, a servant and a demonic cultivator’s apprentice had eaten far worse things.

After a while, Shen Jiu heard footsteps approaching. He looked up, expecting to see Ming Fan, but instead was confronted with the beast who had come back early.

The body thief smiled at him. “Binghe, how is it that you’ve come back so fast this time?”

The beast sat beside him, steadily poured two cups of tea and pushed them next to the body thief and Shen Jiu’s hands.

“It wasn’t some troublesome calamity,” he replied. “Missing Shizun urgently, I rode the horse back without stopping.”

Shen Jiu pretended to gag. Had the beast been reading the same romances his mother used to read to get that cheesy line? If that was truly the case though, then he pitied the poor horse that the beast had ridden. The beast was lucky that it hadn’t foundered and died at that pace!

The beast and body thief started talking about the list of disciples participating in the upcoming Immortal Alliance Conference from Qing Jing Peak. Shen Jiu glared at the body thief at the reminder of said list. Despite their many arguments over the subject, the body thief had put Ning Yingying’s name down on the list in the end. Oh, the body thief had insisted that the god had reassured him that both Ning Yingying and Ming Fan would survive the competition, but Shen Jiu didn’t trust it one bit. There were still so many awful fates that could befall a person but still leave them alive. Losing one’s sight, being crippled for life and having one’s cultivation be permanently damaged for example.

Ning Yingying had been ecstatic to see her name on the list though. She had been so excited that she had hugged Shen Jiu and whirled them around until he got dizzy. He had tried to warn her about the monsters but she had only laughed and insisted that things would be fine.

That was one of the many downsides of being a toddler: nobody took you seriously. The only thing he could do was to make Ning Yingying swear up and down that she’d be careful. It wasn’t enough, but it was the only thing Shen Jiu could do.

“Shizun, why do you keep looking at me?” Shen Jiu heard the beast ask. “Unless Shizun also missed this disciple after having gone down the mountain for so many days?”

Shen Jiu pretended to gag again. Again with the flirting, you shameless little wretch? Right in front of him too! Was he trying to make Shen Jiu lose his appetite?

Knowing the beast, the answer to that was probably yes. Ah, he really hated how blatant the beast had become in his flirting now these days.

“Can’t I look at what I raised?” replied the body thief coolly.

Shen Jiu nodded in approval. That was a decent rejection to the beast’s flirting. Get the hint, you stupid wretch! The body thief only sees you as a son at the most, not a potential lover.

The beast laughed. “Naturally you’re allowed to. Does Shizun find me pleasing to the eyes?”

And he wasn’t taking the hint. No surprise there. But Shen Jiu knew from experience how to deal with that.

Shen Jiu crawled into the body thief’s lap. “Baba, Yuan-er is hungry. When is the food coming?” he whined.

“Soon, soon,” assured the body thief, patting him soothingly. “I’m sure that Ming Fan is on his way now with some food.”

“Actually no,” said the beast, looking a little guilty as he stood up. “This disciple ran into da-shixiong on the way here and told him that Binghe would cook dinner for Shizun and Yuan-er.” He bowed to the body thief. “Shizun, this disciple will go cook now.”

Saying that, the beast disappeared into the kitchen. Shen Jiu smirked. It was just what he thought. The beast was territorial when it came to feeding the body thief (and him) and wouldn’t let anyone else cook for them when he was around. Sending the beast to cook was only a temporary stop to his flirting though. Knowing him, he’d definitely try again during dinner. But Shen Jiu knew how to handle that

True enough, the beast did restart his attempts at flirtation during dinner. Shen Jiu responded by playing the role of a sticky child and demanding his father to feed him. Despite them living together for a year already, the body thief was still a sucker for fake tears and pathetic behaviour and would indulge him in this. The beast still tried to get the body thief’s attention, but whenever the conversation veered into flirting, Shen Jiu would pipe up with a question about some monster or another which quickly brought the body thief’s attention back to him.

From his position in the body thief’s lap, Shen Jiu smelled the now-familiar scent of vinegar and smirked at the beast. Hah, this round definitely went to him!

The meal was almost done when the body thief addressed the beast.

“Do you want to become strong? Strong enough to be peerless, to the point that no one under the heavens dares to fight you?”

“Yes!” answered the beast without hesitation.

“For example, if before that, you have to undergo a lot of painful torture, suffer countless hardships, with your physical and mental state approaching collapse, would you still want to be a supremely strong person?” persisted the body thief.

“Towards painless bitterness and hardships, Binghe is fearless and only asks to be strong enough to protect his most important people,” replied the beast slowly.

Underneath Shen Jiu, he felt the body thief relax, as if the beast had given him an answer to a worrying issue. It sent a trickle of unease down his spine. Just what was that about? But he couldn’t ask that now. Not in front of the beast.

Shen Jiu waited until the table was cleared, the usual rituals for bedtime were carried out and most important of all, the beast had retired to his bedroom before turning to the body thief.

“So, what was that about?” he asked, gripping the bars of his crib..

“What was what about?” replied the body thief with a yawn.

“That whole ‘do you want to become strong no matter what obstacles you face’ thing you were asking the beast earlier, of course,” said Shen Jiu.

“Oh, that,” said the body thief casually.

A little too casually, in Shen Jiu’s opinion.

He waved a hand. “Just a random philosophical question. Pay no mind to it.”

Random philosophical question, his foot!

“Don’t lie to me,” snapped Shen Jiu. “It’s something to do with the Immortal Alliance Conference, isn’t it? What did the god say to you about the beast?”

“It’s nothing, really. I don’t know why you’re so worked up over some random questions anyway,” replied the body thief in the same fake casual tones. He then faked a yawn. “Anyway, I’m tired so I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.”

Saying that, he flopped down on the bed, facing away from Shen Jiu and wouldn’t respond to Shen Jiu’s calls. Shen Jiu huffed. He could start screaming, but that would only alert the beast. Privacy talismans was only proof against sounds at normal volume and below, after all.

Whatever the body thief was hiding from him, Shen Jiu would have to dig it out of him later. For some reason, this whole matter filled him with a sense of foreboding. He laid down in his cot and pulled his toy soldier towards him, hugging it to his chest. He fell into uneasy dreams that night.

Chapter Text

It was time for the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect disciples to depart for the Immortal Alliance Conference. The toddler scum villain insisted on coming along as “there was no way he was going to be left sitting at home and wondering how things were going to turn out”. Also, all his usual babysitters were going to the Conference and Shen Qingqiu didn’t trust anyone else to be with him. The original goods would only try to bully them and then get punished for his attempts. Far better to take him along.

Since there were so many of them who were travelling to the Conference, it was agreed that flying swords would be too high-profile so they still set out with carriages. Did it make sense for a cultivation novel to have people riding in horse carriages all the time? No, but blame great god Airplane for that!

A great number of people chose to ride horses and look valiant, but Shen Qingqiu wasn’t good at riding.

(He had asked the original goods about his lack of horsemanship once. His response had been, “why should I learn to ride a big smelly creature and suffer saddle sores when I can either travel in style on my sword or travel in comfort in a carriage?” He had a fair point there).

Carrying the toddler scum villain in his arms, Shen Qingqiu made his way into one of the horse carriages. To his surprise, Qi Qingqi was already sitting inside the carriage.

She looked up at him and rudely said, “A great big man like you, and you’re coming in to steal my spot!”

Shen Qingqiu held out the original goods briefly. “I have a little son. Obviously he can’t ride a horse with me. What if he falls and breaks his neck? Or cracks his head open on a rock?”

“You could leave Yuan-er with me while you go ride a horse,” suggested Qi Qingqi with a predatory gleam in her eyes.

The toddler scum villain promptly clung to him. Shen Qingqiu rubbed his back soothingly.

“Shimei, my son would only wail and cry for me if I were to leave him alone. I wouldn’t think you’d want to share a carriage with a howling toddler,” he said.

“Fair point,” admitted Qi Qingqi grudgingly.

The three of them whiled the time away with chatting, reading books, eating Luo Binghe’s snacks and playing card games. Shen Qingqiu had to take away the toddler scum villain’s cards when he kept cheating.

“Yuan-er is clearly too young for cards since he keeps breaking the rules,” said Shen Qingqiu as he held the cards above the original goods’ head. “If you want to play cards though, you can sit with baba and help me play.”

He had feared that the toddler scum villain would throw a tantrum but instead, he scowled at him, gave a grudging nod and then crawled into Shen Qingqiu’s lap.

Shen Qingqiu blinked. Well, he hadn’t expected the original goods to give in without a fight, but he certainly wasn’t going to complain. He shuffled the cards and quickly dealt them out.

It turned out that he had counted his blessings too early because the toddler scum villain took the opportunity to backseat drive his card playing and criticise his moves.

Fortunately for him, the original goods eventually fell asleep in his lap. Looking down at him, Shen Qingqiu noticed that he was sucking his thumb in his sleep, a habit that he had yet to break after a year.

“Yuan-er is really such a well-behaved child,” praised Qi Qingqi as she looked at the sleeping toddler scum villain. “Shen Qingqiu, you’ve really raised him very well.”

Shen Qingqiu had to admit that compared to normal toddlers, the original goods was very well-behaved. He didn’t run around the carriage, try to pull open the carriage door or throw screaming tantrums. The only delay he caused was when the carriage had to be stopped for a while so that he could take a leak in the woods. Of course, his good behaviour was solely because he was an adult in a toddler’s body, but it wasn’t as if he could tell his shimei that.

Liu Mingyan came riding up near their carriage and Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but turn his gaze towards her. This was his favourite wife, after all! Still, he couldn’t help but secretly wish that a stray breeze would lift her veil a bit so that he could truly see the face that had named her Luo Binghe’s Most Beautiful Wife. Qi Qingqi accused him of coveting her disciple but really, Shen Qingqiu had no desire to do so. He knew full well what happened to men who dared to make a move on any of the protagonist’s wives.

Much to his glee, he saw Luo Binghe approach Liu Mingyan. Oh, oh, it was here! The meeting of the protagonist and female lead! He was getting to see his favourite ship launch in real time! What a pity that he didn’t have any popcorn ready for this momentous event.

Unfortunately for Shen Qingqiu, Luo Binghe and Liu Mingyan made their horses walk increasingly faster until they were far enough that Shen Qingqiu couldn’t see them. What a disappointment! Well, it shouldn’t really be a surprise since his OTP weren’t one for PDA. He guessed that he’d just have to be content that Luo Binghe was progressing in his courtship of Liu Mingyan.

The toddler scum villain woke up while Shen Qingqiu was having a round of teasing with Qi Qingqi. Shen Qingqiu patted his head absently as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes while sitting in his lap.

“You’ve been overly pampered and spoiled, Shen Qingqiu. Is this truly the behaviour of a Core Formation level cultivator?” teased Qi Qingqi.

The original goods’ head jerked up. “Core Formation level?”

“Yes, that’s right, Yuan-er,” cooed Qi Qingqi. “Your baba is a Core Formation level immortal cultivator.”

The toddler scum villain shot Shen Qingqiu a look of sheer fury and then promptly jumped out of his lap to sit next to Qi Qingqi.

Qi Qingqi’s eyes widened. “Yuan-er, are you finally warming up to your Aunty Qi?”

Instead of answering her though, the original goods turned around in his seat to sit cross-legged, with his back facing towards Shen Qingqiu.

Qi Qingqi tried to get the toddler scum villain’s attention again, but he continued to ignore her. Finally, she turned to Shen Qingqiu and asked, “Is Yuan-er always in such a bad temper after he wakes up from a nap?”

Shen Qingqiu wasn’t entirely sure what had pissed off the original goods, but knowing him, it would take him a long time to get out of the snit he was in.

“I think that Yuan-er is starting to get bored with riding in a horse carriage for the entire day,” he lied.

Shen Qingqiu looked out of the carriage window and called out to Ning Yingying, who quickly approached on her brown horse.

“Shizun, what is it?” she asked.

“Yuan-er is getting bored of being in a carriage so I thought that you could take him for a horse ride for a while,” answered Shen Qingqiu.

“Of course, Shizun,” said Ning Yingying.

They stopped the carriage and got out. Ning Yingying looked down from her horse and asked the original goods, “Yuan-er, do you want to come ride with Ning-jiejie for a while?”

The toddler scum villain immediately lifted his arms up to her. Shen Qingqiu picked him up and passed him to Ning Yingying who seated him in front of her, with one arm slung around his waist to keep him from falling. She then cracked her whip to trot her horse onwards. Shen Qingqiu went back into his carriage and Qi Qingqi signalled the carriage driver to continue driving.

Shen Qingqiu knew that Ning Yingying would be careful with the toddler scum villain, but he still couldn’t help but keep the curtain window raised so that he could keep an eye on the two of them. Anything could happen, after all.

Fortunately, nothing happened and everyone reached Jue Di Gorge safely. Ning Yingying brought back the original goods to him before she left to hang out with the other disciples who were taking part and rest for the day. The Conference would only start tomorrow, after all.

The toddler scum villain was still in a bad mood though, and when Shen Qingqiu tried to take his hand, he slapped his hand away. Shen Qingqiu didn’t dare to carry him, lest he fly into a tantrum. Instead, he let the original goods stomp all the way to the room they had been allocated. The walk must have been exhausting for a toddler, but the original goods didn’t utter a single word of complaint, proud thing that he was.

Finally, they reached their room. It was a small room, but considering that there were thousands of cultivators present at the Conference, space was at a premium. Thanks to his position as a Peak Lord, Shen Qingqiu had gotten his own room instead of having to share with at least half a dozen others, like most of the other cultivators. Well technically, he was sharing with his “son”, but it was still his room.

There was a jug of water on the dresser, so Shen Qingqiu mutely poured out a cup of water and handed it to the toddler scum villain who greedily gulped it down while sitting on their bed. Once he was finished with his drink, he slammed the cup onto the dresser and then turned away from Shen Qingqiu, with his arms crossed.

Yup, still mad at him.

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “Alright, out with it. What’s gotten you so pissed off?”

“Did the god help you with your cultivation?” asked the original goods through gritted teeth.

“Hah, I wish!” answered Shen Qingqiu.

The System hadn’t given him so much as a tutorial when he had first transmigrated in. He had to figure out on his own just exactly what he could do. Sure, he had inherited all the original goods’ skills, but figuring out how to use them was another matter altogether. The several months he had spent in seclusion in the Lingxi Caves had not only helped him improve his cultivation, but had also helped him figure out how to properly use his abilities.

The toddler scum villain glared at him even harder. “Did you take some sort of elixir or magical stone to improve your cultivation?”

“No, I just went into seclusion in the Lingxi Caves for a few months,” replied Shen Qingqiu honestly.

That was the last straw for the original goods, and he threw himself at Shen Qingqiu, battering him with his little fists.

“It’s not fair!” he screamed. “I worked so hard on my cultivation and I couldn’t - I just couldn’t get to the Core Formation stage, no matter how hard I tried! And you! You just barge into my body, take over my life, and you can reach it just like that? How is it fair? How is any of this fair?!”

Put like that, Shen Qingqiu could understand his anger. It was like if you played a computer game and couldn’t beat a level even after you tried over a hundred times, and then had to watch as some noob who’d only watched Let’s Play videos of that game took over and beat said level in one try, you’d want to strangle said noob too. Shen Qingqiu had read enough cultivation novels to take a good guess as to why he’d been able to progress in his cultivation when Shen Jiu couldn’t, but telling him that would be like kicking a man when he was already down.

And the toddler scum villain was starting to tear up. Oh, this really was a sore spot for him, huh.

“I hate you!” he wept as he continued to hit Shen Qingqiu’s chest. “I hate you so much!”

Shen Qingqiu didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t exactly apologise for transmigrating into Shen Qingqiu - that had been the System’s fault, not his. And as for apologising for improving his cultivation… well, he had only been thinking of trying to improve his chances of survival in the future. He hadn’t expected the original goods to suddenly reappear - much less take offence at his actions.

Exhausted as he was from the earlier horse ride and the walk to their room, the original goods’ attacks became weaker and weaker and eventually stopped. Shen Qingqiu slowly pulled him into a hug. The toddler scum villain struggled for a moment, but quickly subsided. Shen Qingqiu rubbed his back.

“You’re right, this isn’t fair,” he told the original goods. “But I didn’t ask for this either. I just tried to improve myself to avoid the chance of becoming a human stick in the future - like anyone else would do if they were in my position.”

“I still hate you,” grumbled the toddler scum villain, muffled as he was against Shen Qingqiu’s chest.

“Yes, yes,” sighed Shen Qingqiu.

Ah, this was such a mess.

_________________________________

The next morning, all the Peak Lords assembled together for Yue Qingyuan to lead them up to the audience tower. Qi Qingqi noted that Yuan-er was standing next to his father and scowling at the ground, with his arms crossed. Now this was an oddity since usually at times like this, Shen Qingqiu would be carrying his son. Yuan-er wasn’t even holding Shen Qingqiu’s hand or clinging to his robes, like he usually did when walking with his father. As a matter of fact, Qi Qingqi noticed that there was a small distance between the two. Curious now, she drifted closer to Shen Qingqiu.

“Shen Qingqiu, is Yuan-er still angry with you?” she asked. “What happened between you two?”

Shen Qingqiu flipped open his fan and waved it as he smiled wryly at her. “He’s mad at me now because I didn’t pack his favourite stuffed toy.”

The toddler glared at him.

Qi Qingqi could understand why. When you travelled with a small child, there was a huge likelihood that they’d lose their toy somewhere. Far better to take some expendable toys that wouldn’t drive a child to tears if they lost them. Of course, a toddler wouldn’t see it that way though.

“It was very mean of baba to forget Yuan-er’s toy, wasn’t it?” cooed Qi Qingqi. “We’re going to have to climb a lot of stairs though, so why don’t you let Aunty Qi carry you up?”

Yuan-er took a step back and gave her a suspicious look.

“I promise that I won’t kiss you or pinch your cheek,” wheedled Qi Qingqi.

The toddler narrowed his eyes. “Really truly promise?”

“May the heavens strike me down if I lie,” vowed Qi Qingqi.

That seemed to be enough for the little boy because he immediately came towards her and held up his arms to be carried. Qi Qingqi picked him up and settled him on her hip. Yue Qingyuan was giving her wistful looks, but she ignored him. Honestly, that man! Out of all her martial siblings, he was the only one who got to babysit Yuan-er and play with him on a regular basis, but now here he was, getting upset about not getting to carry a toddler. You can carry him some other time, Zhangmen-shixiong!

Once they had reached the top floor, Yuan-er wriggled in her arms.

“Put me down,” he demanded.

Qi Qingqi gently let him down as he ordered. Of course, all eyes were on him once he walked in and most of the female sect leaders there zoomed towards him once he was on the ground. The toddler promptly forgot all his grievances with his father and hid behind his robes.

“Shen Qingqiu, is this your son? He’s so adorable!”

“What’s his name?”

“How old is he?”

“Little boy, would you like some candy?”

“I saw Qi Qingqi carrying him earlier. Is she his mother?”

“No,” replied Qi Qingqi and Shen Qingqiu simultaneously to that query.

Qi Qingqi wanted to roll her eyes. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that she and Yuan-er weren’t related. They looked nothing alike! Yuan-er didn’t look much like his father either, to be honest. Either he greatly resembled his mother, or as some of her other martial siblings speculated, Yuan-er wasn’t actually Shen Qingqiu’s biological son. Her shixiong had made it clear though that he considered Yuan-er his son, irregardless if they were blood-related or not, so everyone kept their speculations to themselves.

As expected, the toddler refused to respond to any of the women’s coaxing and Shen Qingqiu eventually got fed up with them trying to bill and coo over his son and chased them off. He was helped by a smiling Yue Qingyuan standing behind him and radiating a low level of menace, which would deter even the most persistent of women.

While the master of ceremonies carried on with the details and the rules, some people opened up one of the most traditional events of the Immortal Alliance Conference, which was the betting pool.

While many others betted on Gonyi Xiao, the head disciple of Huan Hua Palace, Qi Qingqi herself placed a bet of one hundred spirit stones on Liu Mingyan, hiding a smirk as she did so. Ever since her loss to that demoness, her head disciple had pushed herself hard when it came to swordsmanship and cultivation. Those who dared to underestimate her would definitely get a surprise!

Shen Qingqiu laid a huge bet of one thousand spirit stones on his favourite disciple, much to the shock of most people. The sheer audacity and confidence of the man!

“Qi Qingqi, is this Luo Binghe really that amazing that Shen Qingqiu would place such a big bet on him?” whispered one woman to her.

Qi Qingqi shrugged. “He’s fine enough, I suppose,” she replied. But not as good as my Liu Mingyan though, she added silently.

“Shen Qingqiu, do you even have one thousand spirit stones?” questioned Liu Qingge, who himself had placed a small bet of twenty spirit stones on his little sister.

“This disciple of mine will certainly not lose,” stated Shen Qingqiu firmly.

“There’s no need for anyone to be arguing,” cut in Yue Qingyuan. “We definitely have a thousand spirit stones.”

“Zhangmen-shixiong, are you paying for him?” asked Qi Qingqi, already knowing the answer to that question.

“Of course,” he replied airily.

“So you’ll pay if he loses?” she persisted.

“I will,” confirmed Yue Qingyuan.

Shen Qingqiu drifted close to them. “And if I win, whose win is it?

Yue Qingyuan smiled at him. “Yours, of course.”

Shen Qingqiu flicked open his fan and covered the lower half of his face, his eyes dancing merrily above his fan as he thanked Yue Qingyuan for his kindness.

Qi Qingqi rolled her eyes. Honestly, Zhangmen-shixiong! We all know that you favour Shen Qingqiu, but you don’t need to be so blatant about it!

She glanced over to her side to see Yuan-er pretending to gag. It seemed as if she wasn’t the only one who found this scene sickening. Looking at the toddler, Qi Qingqi was suddenly seized by the spirit of mischief and decided to tease him a little bit.

“Yuan-er shouldn’t make such faces,” she lightly chided. “For all you know, in the future, your Uncle Yue might be upgraded to A-die.”

The sheer look of horror on the child’s face nearly sent her into a fit of giggles, but Qi Qingqi controlled herself superbly.

“Or would you prefer Uncle Liu to be your A-die?” she asked.

The toddler looked even more horrified. “No!”

Qi Qingqi hid her smile behind her fan. Ah, this child really didn’t like the idea of having to share his beloved baba with anyone else, huh. He was a shy but well-behaved boy most of the time, but she had heard Liu Qingge grumble about his brattiness and had seen the toddler bite Yue Qingyuan with her own eyes. Shen Qingqiu himself had complained before of how his son tried to bully his favourite disciple on a regular basis.

Qi Qingqi couldn’t really blame Yuan-er for that. On the surface, Luo Binghe seemed like a perfectly good disciple - smart, polite, hard-working and talented in many aspects. But Qi Qingqi had been to Shen Qingqiu’s bamboo house multiple times before this and in her honest opinion, that one acted more like Shen Qingqiu’s wife than a disciple. She had tried to talk to Shen Qingqiu about his behaviour, but the man had simply pooh-poohed her. Luo Binghe was only being a respectful disciple, he had insisted. The boy was only interested in girls anyway. Interested in girls, her foot! She knew a cutsleeve when she saw one, alright.

In the end, Qi Qingqi had given up. Far be it for her to tell her shixiong how to deal with his disciples anyway. Luo Binghe’s obvious crush on his shizun was his problem to deal with!

The same spirit of mischief caused Qi Qingqi to crook a finger at Yuan-er. “Yuan-er, come let Aunty Qi carry you again.”

The child gave her another suspicious look and took a step back.

“Aunty Qi won’t do anything to Yuan-er,” promised Qi Qingqi. She then flicked her eyes towards Yue Qingyuan.

She wasn’t sure if Yuan-er understood what she meant, but he did come close to her and let her pick him up. Qi Qingqi walked closer to her martial brothers, carrying Yuan-er in her arms.

Once he was close to Yue Qingyuan, the toddler leapt out of Qi Qingqi’s arms, launching himself towards Yue Qingyuan. He grabbed onto his arm and promptly bit down.

“Hello, Yuan-er,” greeted Yue Qingyuan, seemingly unfazed at being bitten by a naughty toddler who was currently clinging to his arm as he gnawed on it.

Shen Qingqiu quickly took his son away. “Yuan-er, what have I told you about biting your poor Uncle Yue, hmm? Do you think that you’re a Red Sky Piranha?” he scolded.

“Yes,” replied the toddler slyly.

Shen Qingqiu gave Yuan-er a light shake. “Stop it.”

“What are you going to do about it?” taunted the toddler gleefully. “Baby jail is at home!”

Shen Qingqiu put his son down and pointed to a corner nearby. “Go sit in the corner,” he ordered.

Yuan-er folded his arms. “And what if I don’t?”

Shen Qingqiu pointed to a hook set in the wall near to them - it was likely meant for hanging lamps - and said, “Do you see that hook there? If you don’t go sit in the corner, I will hang you on that hook from the back of your robes for everyone here to see.”

“You wouldn’t!” gasped the toddler.

Shen Qingqiu folded his arms as well and narrowed his eyes at his son. “Try me.”

Yuan-er glared at his father and then stomped towards the corner where he sat down hard, arms crossed and a scowl on his little face.

“Good,” said Shen Qingqiu. “Now, turn around and face the wall.”

The toddler obeyed his father, grumbling as he did so. “I hate you so much right now.”

“Yes, yes,” sighed Shen Qingqiu. “Baba is very mean to bully poor Yuan-er like this.”

The toddler stuck his nose in the air and gave a loud sniff in response.

Qi Qingqi and Mu Qingfang shared a chuckle over the father-son antics. She ignored Yue Qingyuan’s murmur of “so cute” as he gazed at the little boy.

“Shen-shixiong, you’re really so good with Yuan-er,” commented Mu Qingfang.

Shen Qingqiu fanned himself lightly. “I try. What else is there to say?” he replied.

After a quarter of a shichen, Shen Qingqiu released his son from his punishment. By then, the competition had started and they all convened to watch the disciples compete from the many crystal screens set in front of the high platform.

____________________________________

Shen Jiu sat in the body thief’s lap, munching on melon seeds as he watched the competition. While he was still mad at the body thief regarding the cultivation issue, judging from the predatory gazes of the women here, he was safest here in his father’s lap. He had no desire to have his cheeks pinched, or be kissed and squeezed, thank you very much. If they wanted to coo over brats so badly, they could just go get one from the nearest orphanage, or just pick one off the streets!

Watching the screens, he could see that Ning Yingying was doing well for herself. She had nowhere near the amount of beads that Liu Mingyan had, much less Gongyi Xiao, but she was still within the top 50, and climbing slowly. Watching her go gave Shen Jiu an odd pang. He could take little credit for how well she had turned out, but nevertheless he was still proud of her. Do your best, Ning Yingying! Your old shizun is rooting for you!

Shen Jiu regretfully took his eyes away from Ning Yinying to search for the other Qing Jing Peak disciples. A good few of them were in the top 100, with Ming Fan at #83. Well, fighting had never been his forte anyway. Now, where on earth was that wretched beast? A-ha, there he was! But why was there such a huge crowd around him? To add to the oddness, the disciples following the beast around were not other members of Cang Qiong sect, but Huan Hua disciples instead!

Shen Jiu frowned as he watched them. He had no love for the beast, but this group was clearly expecting him to do all the work for them while they took the credit. Judging by the small grimace on the beast’s face, he wasn’t too happy about this lot either, but he was too polite to tell them to fuck off or run off his own and abandon these hanger-ons. Most likely, he was following that whole “What Would Shizun Do If He Were Here?” saying he had once told Shen Jiu.

A glance upwards revealed a furrowing of the body thief’s brow. So, he wasn’t happy about this either. Well, one of the few good things about being a toddler was that one could just say things. Small children weren’t known for their tact, after all.

“Baba, why are all these people in the golden robes following Luo Binghe around?” he asked, deliberately pitching his voice loud enough that others could hear him. “Nobody else has such a big group.”

“I suppose they want help with catching the monsters, Yuan-er,” answered the body thief.

“But why can’t they go catch their own monsters, baba? Yuan-er thought that this was a com-pe-ti-tion,” argued Shen Jiu.

“Hmm, I suppose it’s because the Huan Hua disciples think they can catch more monsters with Luo Binghe than without him,” replied the body thief.

Oh yes, he definitely didn’t like this either. Shen Jiu internally smirked to himself.

“Then why are they in this com-pe-ti-tion anyway? Yuan-er thought that only the best disciples get to take part,” countered Shen Jiu.

He then pretended to brighten up and smacked a fist into his palm. “Ah, Yuan-er understands now! Huan Hua’s stra-te-gy to win is to cling to Cang Qiong’s thighs!” he cried.

Shen Jiu could hear snickers from the other sect leaders behind them and the Old Palace Master was slowly turning red from his remarks.

“Yuan-er, don’t be mean,” scolded the body thief. “It’s not nice to say such things.”

He then turned to smile at the Old Palace Master. “Please forgive my son, Old Palace Master. He is but a little boy and doesn’t know how to talk in company yet.”

Shen Jiu noted that nowhere had the body thief said that his comments were wrong, just that he was rude to say it.

“Of course,” said the Old Palace Master, keeping to his facade of a genial grandfather figure. “I know from experience what children his age are like.”

Shen Jiu made a face at that comparison to the Little Palace Mistress. He had met the girl once, and he was nothing like that spoiled brat!

He looked back at the screen, just in time to see one of the female disciples plop down on the ground and say something. The crystal screen was too far to transmit her words, but he could take a good guess to what she was saying. It was likely something on the line of, wah, wah, wahh! I’m tired and my feet hurt! The beast probably wanted to strangle the chit by now.

Shen Jiu turned to the body thief and asked loudly, “Baba, why is that jiejie sitting on the ground? She doesn’t look hurt, unlike that other jiejie.”

“I suppose that her feet are sore,” replied the body thief with a frown.

Shen Jiu cocked his head to one side. “Jiejie’s feet hurt after walking for a short while? Why is she even taking part then?”

“Hear, hear,” came a mutter from behind.

“I suppose she wanted to give it a go,” replied the body thief unconvincingly.

And now the whole lot of Huan Hua Palace disciples were wading and playing in the river nearby. Shen Jiu wanted to facepalm. Didn’t any of them have any sense? In a place crawling with monsters, you want to play in the water? If he was their shizun, he wouldn’t know where to put his face! Of course, if he was their shizun, he would have the whole lot whipped fifty times for stupidity after this. Only the beast had enough brains to keep away from the water. He seemed to be trying to convince the bunch of idiots to come out, but of course, none of them were listening to him.

Shen Jiu pointed at the screen and went, “Baba, why are the geges and jiejies playing in the water? What if a monster comes out of the water and attacks them?”

His words turned out to be prophetic because a few moments later, two of the Huan Hua Palace disciples, one of them being the same chit who had been complaining about her feet, disappeared under the water amidst screams. At this point, the fools remaining in the water should be immediately running out, but instead it was left to the beast to pull them out. But before he could pull the last one out, that one too disappeared under the surface. Shortly after that, the culprit emerged from the waters, a large clump of thick black hair as long as ropes, glistening with blood.

“Nu yuan chuan!” exclaimed Yue Qingyuan in shock.

The nu yuan chuan spat out the corpses it had consumed. In just a few minutes, the three disciples had already been sucked dry of blood and flesh, leaving only skin and bone behind.

A large hand clapped over Shen Jiu’s eyes in an effort to spare his supposed young eyes the sight. Under the makeshift blindfold, Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. You’re too late, you big idiot! I’ve already seen everything!

Thanks to Yue Qingyuan’s hand, Shen Jiu couldn’t see how the beast dealt with the demon, but soon there was the sound of multiple emergency fireworks going off and multiple disciples screaming and begging for help. And then a hoarse cry, the spirit eagles calling shrilly and at last, silence.

Shen Jiu pulled Yue Qingyuan’s hand off his face and was confronted by black screens. All the spirit eagles must have been killed by the invading demons then.

A massive argument then broke out in the high tower as people debated on their course of action. The Old Palace Master wanted to open the great enchantment which was keeping all the monsters caged in Jue Di Gorge.

“It cannot be opened!” refuted Yue Qingyuan.

The body thief stepped to Yue Qingyuan’s side, still carrying Shen Jiu in his arms. “Zhangmen-shixiong is correct,” he said. “Once the enchantment is opened, it’s true that the disciples can escape. But the monsters trapped inside will also flee. Within some li of distance, you can see smoke from human villages in this place. Our disciples have at least some ability to confront monsters, but what about those normal, common people who don’t have spiritual power flowing through their meridians?”

All the sect leaders hung their heads and went silent at that. Even one small monster could do a great deal of damage to a village, after all.

“If the enchantment can’t be broken, then what should we do?” quavered a Huan Hua sect member.

Shen Jiu wanted to sneer at the man. Idiot. Did Huan Hua Palace recruit for brainlessness? Wasn’t the answer to that obvious?

“If exiting is impossible, then there can only be entering,” replied the body thief.

Shen Jiu nodded. Correct. The answer to that was of course, that the stronger cultivators go into Jue Di Gorge, exterminate all the demons and monsters and rescue the disciples. Yue Qingyuan was already calling for volunteers to enter. The Old Palace Master then changed his tune and insisted that Huan Hua would assist. Of course the old bastard needed to say that. Huan Hua Palace was after all, the organising sect this time around. Not only did they have the most number of participants who were currently in danger, but when it was time to play the blame game after this, they would surely come under fire for this whole affair. Huan Hua Palace helping to rescue the disciples would help mitigate that.

The body thief passed Shen Jiu over to Mu Qingfang.

“Yuan-er, stay with Uncle Mu,” he ordered. “Baba is going down to help the geges and jiejies there.”

Shen Jiu wasn’t the least bit surprised. The body thief had already been eating himself with worry and guilt before this - knowing that the attack would happen but being prevented by the heavens themselves from warning anyone. Of course he would want to go in and rescue the Qing Jing Peak disciples, despite being afflicted with Without-A-Cure. Especially when it came to one “fluffy little sheep”.

“Be careful,” warned Shen Jiu.

The body thief patted him on the head. “Don’t worry, nothing will happen to baba.”

He then nodded to Mu Qingfang and strode off towards the queue of volunteers. Yue Qingyuan and the brute tried to convince him not to go, but the body thief was determined and in the end, they acquiesced to his demand. Shen Jiu watched as the body thief left with the rest of the volunteering cultivators. He hoped that Ning Yingying would truly be alright as the god promised.

Shen Jiu did not like men other than the body thief touching him, but due to the direness of the situation, he allowed Mu Qingfang to carry him despite the growing urge to bite the man. Mu Qingfang balanced him on one hip as he took charge of the other physicians and got them to set up pallets and bandages and medicines in preparation for the injured who would soon emerge from Jue Di Gorge.

Not for the first time, Shen Jiu cursed his weak child body. Right now, he could do nothing but help Mu Qingfang set out rolls of bandages. And wait. And he hated waiting. But that was all he could do. Just wait and hope that everyone he cared about would come back, safe and sound.

____________________________

The beast was dead.

Apparently he had been killed by demons. Since his body hadn’t been retrieved, he was likely in the stomach of a Black Moon Python Rhinoceros, or some other monster of the sort.

In another time, Shen Jiu would be dancing with joy about never having to see that wretched boy in his house again - if the body thief wasn’t so obviously devastated by his loss. Right now, he was pale and drawn, like a man who had been stabbed in the gut, or to be more accurate, like how a parent who genuinely loved their child would look if they saw said child die in front of their eyes. Right now, he was holding the cloth bundle containing the shattered fragments of the beast’s sword to his side, as carefully and tenderly as a mother would the corpse of her infant.

Ning Yingying and Ming Fan were thankfully alive and well. Though Ning Yingying was sobbing over the beast’s death while Ming Fan awkwardly patted her on the back.

Yue Qingyuan was alright as well. Currently, he was hovering over the body thief, clearly unsure of how to comfort him in this great loss. In another time, Shen Jiu would have mocked the big lump for his inability to comfort someone, but he himself had no idea how to do that. He couldn’t pull the body thief into his arms and rub his back, the way he had for him - he was too small for that! Ah, he really was shit at comforting people.

The brute reached out to awkwardly pat Shen Qingqiu on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, your disciple might be gone but you can still accept another one.”

… Okay, he could definitely do better than that! What was wrong with the brute?! Was this how he dealt with villagers who had their brats eaten by a monster? “Sorry your kid got eaten, but you can always have another child?”

…On second thought, he probably did say that to grieving parents. Shen Jiu certainly wouldn’t put it past him.

“You are the stupidest man in the whole wide world,” Shen Jiu informed the brute.

The brute went bright red. “Why, you-”

“Please don’t fight, you two,” begged the body thief, interrupting the brute. “Not now.”

The body thief sounded so tired and he looked oh so very fragile right now. Like glass that could shatter at any moment.

He didn’t know what to do.

He didn’t know what to do.

Shen Jiu took the body thief’s free hand and squeezed it. The body thief squeezed back weakly.

Shen Jiu held the body thief’s hand all the way back to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. Even to Shen Jiu, it felt like a stupid insignificant gesture, but the body thief didn’t let go of his hand either. Yue Qingyuan and the brute sat across them in the horse carriage, but a glare from Shen Jiu kept them both silent. He didn’t trust either of these two idiots not to say something that would worsen the body thief’s condition.

Gods, this really was such a disaster.

Chapter Text

Thirty-three dead. That was how many disciples Cang Qiong Mountain Sect lost during the Immortal Alliance Conference - less than a quarter of those sent. While Qing Jing Peak had only lost that Luo Binghe, Yue Qingyuan himself had lost two of his own disciples. He had had to write condolences letters to their families with an explanation of what had happened. It wasn’t the first time he had to write such letters, but such things never got easier with time.

Of all the peaks, Bai Zhan Peak had suffered the most number of casualties, with eight disciples dead. The other deaths were scattered almost evenly between the other peaks. Of course, that didn’t mean the surviving disciples walked away from that disaster of a conference unscathed. Many would bear scars - both physical and mental - from that day. A few had lost limbs. One unlucky disciple would never walk again, though he was still luckier than the disciple who had his lower dantian shattered.

Despite their losses, Yue Qingyuan could say that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect had been fortunate. Especially when one compared them to Tian Yi Overlook, who had lost ninety disciples and Huan Hua Palace who had lost one hundred and forty people. Only Zhao Hua Temple escaped with no casualties, and that was only because they had drawn the short stick regarding who would be in charge of the enchantment surrounding the Conference. The abbot of Zhao Hua Temple was probably secretly relieved that they had lost the lottery now.

Yes, they had truly been fortunate. It wasn’t just that their disciples were talented - luck, the heavens’ favour and Shen Qingqiu’s series of lectures on monsters had helped as well. Talent alone couldn’t save anyone - look at Luo Binghe! The boy might have placed first on the golden board, but it hadn’t saved him in the end.

Yue Qingyuan shook his head to rid himself of thoughts on the disastrous Immortal Alliance Conference and focused on the toddler he was babysitting today.

Yuan-er seemed to be in a despondent mood today. Even his bites seemed half-hearted. Yue Qingyuan couldn’t blame him though. It was bad enough that the poor child had to see people die gruesomely in front of him, but he also ended up losing his favourite playmate and then had to deal with his father’s grief on top of that. Such things would be hard for an adult, much less a little child.

“Yuan-er, is everything alright?” he asked.

Yuan-er bit down hard on his arm, and then released it. He looked up at Yue Qingyuan with a scowl on his tiny face. “Yuan-er is fine!”

Proud little thing. His Xiao-Jiu was much the same, even as a child, preferring to be considered self-sufficient and unneeding of help.

“Of course. Yuan-er is a brave and strong boy,” cooed Yue Qingyuan. “Uncle Yue was just wondering if Yuan-er’s baba is alright.”

The toddler glared at him, as if suspecting Yue Qingyuan of mocking him somehow, but then relented.

“No, baba’s not alright. He tries to act as if he’s fine, but even a blind and deaf man could see that he isn’t,” replied Yuan-er. “He sometimes forgets that Luo Binghe isn’t around anymore and he calls for him and then remembers that he’s dead and he gets even more sad. He’s now made a sword mound for Luo Binghe and spends hours kneeling in front of it, he rarely smiles any more and he won’t eat anything unless I force him to eat.”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Yue Qingyuan had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from smiling. As a Peak Lord, Shen Qingqiu had already mastered inedia and thus, didn’t actually need to eat, but of course a little boy wouldn’t understand that.

The toddler looked down and played with the hem of his robes. “I think that baba blames himself for the be-Luo Binghe’s death - that he could have saved him had he tried harder.”

Oh. Yue Qinyuan’s heart clenched at Yuan-er’s words. Grief and guilt. He knew all too well how that unholy combination could weigh on one’s heart. He wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy, much less Xiao-Jiu.

Yue Qingyuan remembered how he had been brought to Qian Cao Peak after his Shizun had finally relented and let him out of the Lingxi Caves. As soon as he could, he escaped the medical ward and raced to the Qiu manor, begging all the gods that he wasn’t too late.

But the heavens hadn’t listened to his prayers. He had reached the Qiu manor, only to find that it had burned to the ground in his absence, and that there had been no survivors.

He had crumpled to his knees upon hearing the news. Had screamed his grief out in front of those blackened wooden pillars and crumbling ruins. He’d been too late! He had failed the one person he loved! And all because of his own foolishness in believing that a powerful sword would save his Xiao-Jiu! One stupid moment of impulsivity had lost him his most precious thing and he would never ever get it back.

Yue Qingyuan still didn’t know how he had managed to get himself back to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect after that. Those days somehow passed by in a haze. He had accepted his Shizun’s blistering scolding, barely even hearing his words. The scolding was the only punishment his Shizun had given him, the sect leader probably realising that there was no punishment worse than the one he’d already been given, and he’d been sent back to his head disciple duties.

The little boy looked so upset about his father’s condition that Yue Qingyuan felt the strong urge to pull him into his arms and cuddle him. But knowing how the child felt about physical affection from people other than his father, Yue Qingyuan just patted Yuan-er on the head instead. It was a testament to how worried the child was that he didn’t even snap at Yue Qingyuan’s hand.

“Yuan-er is a good and filial son,” he told the little boy. “Uncle Yue will think of a way to help your baba, so Yuan-er needn’t worry so much, alright?”

Yuan-er made a small sound of disbelief but didn’t say anything further. After a while, he grabbed Yue Qingyuan’s arm and went back to chewing it. He was biting harder than he had earlier, so Yue Qingyuan supposed that his words had provided some comfort to the little boy.

Now, how to help Shen Qingqiu? How had Yue Qingyuan himself dealt with his own grief and guilt when he thought that his Xiao-Jiu was dead? Why, he had thrown himself into his duties, done his best to keep himself so busy that he had little time to dwell on his pain.

He had also constructed a small altar for Xiao-Jiu in secret. Much like Shen Qingqiu, he hadn’t been able to find a corpse to bury, despite the hours of scrabbling in the ashes and ruins with his bare hands, searching for something, anything that remained of his Xiao-Jiu. Finding nothing, he had been forced to conclude that all the bodies had been removed earlier.

He had lit incense and placed offerings on that little altar with its memorial tablet every day. It was the only time that he allowed himself to give way to his grief and pain. He had knelt in front of that altar and offered prayers for his Xiao-Jiu’s soul and his own useless, meaningless apologies. I’m sorry, Xiao-Jiu. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you. I’m so sorry that I failed you. I’m so, so very sorry.

Keeping himself busy hadn’t stopped the nightmares though. Those dreadful, horrible nightmares where Yue Qingyuan stood in front of the burning Qiu manor and was forced to listen to Xiao-Jiu’s screams and his calls for his Qi-ge to come save him. In those dreams, Yue Qingyuan would find himself to be rooted to the spot, unable to take even a single step to save his most precious person. In the end, he would be forced to watch, tears streaming down his face until the screaming finally stopped. And then Yue Qingyuan would wake up, his face wet with tears.

He had dealt with those dreams by forgoing sleep as much as he could. So when he finally closed his eyes, he would be too exhausted for dreams.

For a year, he had lived like that. And then, a miracle happened. Xiao-Jiu was revealed to be alive! Of course, if Yue Qingyuan had been given the choice to how their reunion would play out, it would not be finding Shen Jiu at the Immortal Alliance Conference, surrounded by dead disciples.

In the end, Shen Jiu had saved him once again despite his understandable rage at Yue Qingyuan, and Yue Qingyuan had prostrated himself at his Shizun’s feet, calling upon the boon the man had given him after the Lingxi Caves and begging him to take Shen Jiu in as a disciple.

Between him and Shen Jiu, they had concocted a tale of Wu Yanzi killing a relative of Shen Jiu and Shen Jiu hunting him down to avenge said relative. They hadn’t a single shred of proof to their words, but Yue Qingyuan’s reputation was good and so Shen Jiu had been taken in by the Qing Jing Peak Lord.

Of course, Shen Jiu had hated him after that. But if Yue Qingyuan was given a choice between a dead Shen Jiu who loved him, and a living Shen Jiu who hated him, he would pick the living one each and every time. He could accept every scornful word, every scowl, every rejection from Shen Jiu because it still meant that he was alive to do so.

He couldn’t blame Shen Jiu for hating him one bit. Shen Jiu had been a pretty young thing underneath the grime of the streets and Yue Qingyuan knew, as all slaves and street children knew, just what happened to pretty young slaves bought by rich men. He had walked away from that woodshed, knowing full well that he was leaving his Xiao-Jiu alone with not just a paedophile, but a sadistic one to boot, considering that he had broken both of Shen Jiu’s legs shortly after buying him. How could he blame Shen Jiu then for not forgiving him for breaking his promise? Especially when he couldn’t forgive himself.

Anyway, it was all rendered moot when Shen Qingqiu lost a good chunk of his memories in that qi deviation three years ago. Only Yue Qingyuan remembered the past now - along with that old, broken promise.

But back to the current problem of Shen Qingqiu. Yue Qingyuan supposed that he could give Shen Qingqiu some work to take his mind off his grief. Perhaps he should also talk to Mu Qingfang on whether he could give Shen Qingqiu some sleeping medicine that wouldn’t affect the medicines he was already on for Without-A-Cure. He would have to give this matter some thought.

___________________________

A few days later, Yue Qingyuan called Shen Qingqiu over to Qiong Ding Peak. He had already discussed with Ming Fan and Ning Yingying regarding a plan of action in handling Shen Qingqiu’s grief, and between the three of them, they had come up with something. He felt a little bad about going behind his shidi’s back in enlisting his disciples for help, but it turned out that said disciples were just as worried as the rest of them about Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Qingqiu walked into his office. His attire was as immaculate as always, but he was wearing more white than green, there was a haggardness to his face that spoke of many sleepless nights and there was an aura of deep, deep sorrow surrounding him.

Yue Qingyuan’s heart clenched at the sight. Oh, his poor, poor Xiao-Jiu. How badly he was suffering.

Yue Qingyuan wanted so very badly to take his Xiao-Jiu into his arms, to hold him tight and say, it’s alright, Xiao-Jiu, I understand. I’ve been where you are before.

He restrained himself from hugging Shen Qingqiu with great effort. He had lost all right to such things long ago.

Yue Qingyuan smiled at Shen Qingqiu. “Ah, you’re here, Qingqiu-shidi. I was wondering if you could take a mission out of Cang Qiong. It should only take a few days.”

Shen Qingqiu visibly hesitated.

“You don’t have to worry about Yuan-er while you’re away,” Yue Qingyuan hastened to assure him. “I’ve already spoken to Ming-shizhi and Ning-shizhi and between the three of us, we’ll take care of your son in your absence.”

Yue Qingyuan held his breath as he awaited his shidi’s answer. If this was the old Shen Qingqiu, he would have flown into a rage at Yue Qingyuan for going behind his back and enlisting his disciples for help and insinuating that he needed to be handled in his current situation.

The current Shen Qingqiu’s shoulders slumped down and the look of sheer relief that passed over his face nearly broke Yue Qingyuan’s heart.

“Thanking Zhangmen-shixiong for his help,” he murmured.

He reached out to take the scroll containing the details of the mission from his hand, but Yue Qingyuan didn’t let go of the scroll just yet.

“Qingqiu-shidi,” said Yue Qingyuan, looking the other man in the eye as he spoke, “please remember that I - and our other martial siblings - are always here to help you if you need anything. Even if it’s just a listening ear, we’re here for you.”

Yue Qingyuan doubted that his shidi would take him up on the offer. The current Shen Qingqiu was similar to the old one in that they both preferred to keep their troubles to themselves, but the offer had to be made nonetheless.

Shen Qingqiu nodded jerkily and Yue Qingyuan released his grip on the scroll.

Shen Qingqiu tapped the scroll. “I’ll be off tomorrow then, shixiong.”

“Of course, shidi,” replied Yue Qingyuan warmly. “Safe travels.”

Shen Qingqiu nodded to him again and then left.

After that, whenever Shen Qingqiu felt that living on Qing Jing Peak, surrounded by all his memories of Luo Binghe, was becoming unbearable, he would come to Yue Qingyuan who would send him on a mission for a few days (often accompanied by Liu Qingge, for Shen Qingqiu’s own safety, of course).

When Shen Qingqiu was away, Yue Qingyuan, Ming Fan and Ning Yingying would take turns caring for Yuan-er. Thanks to Yue Qingyuan’s own duties as sect leader, most of the childcare was left in the hands of the Qing Jing Peak disciples, with Yue Qingyuan taking over whenever they had to attend classes or carry out head disciple duties, in Ming Fan’s case.

Yue Qingyuan was also put in charge of Yuan-er’s bath time. According to Ming Fan, while Yuan-er was a perfectly well-behaved child most of the time, he would turn into a holy terror whenever bath time came along. But Yue Qingyuan himself never had any trouble with Yuan-er during bath time. The child was only at that stage where he wanted to bathe and dress himself, so all Yue Qingyuan had to do was fill up Yuan-er’s smaller bathtub with warm water and watch over him while he bathed himself. Once Yuan-er was done bathing, Yue Qingyuan would pass him his towel so that he could dry himself and then hand over each garment one by one so that he could dress himself. There were, of course, times when Yue Qingyuan had to step in to help Yuan-er dress himself, but each time he did so, the little boy would smack his hand aside and glare at him while insisting that “he could do it himself”.

Cute little thing.

From time to time, Yue Qingyuan would check in with the two disciples regarding Shen Qingqiu and Yuan-er’s well-being. Both of them reported that while Yuan-er seemed a little down when his father was away, he was otherwise well and they both did their best to keep him occupied.

“He won’t admit that he misses Shizun, Yue-shibo, but when it’s time for him to go to bed, he’ll insist on sleeping in Shizun’s bed instead of his crib,” said Ning Yingying. “I think Yuan-er finds Shizun’s scent to be comforting while he’s away.”

“And when Shizun finally comes back, Yuan-er sticks to him like glue,” continued Ming Fan.

“And Shen Qingqiu? How has he been doing lately?” persisted Yue Qingyuan.

Ming Fan waggled a hand sideways. “There’s been some bad days and some better days.”

“He’s better after he comes back from a mission,” chimed Ning Yingying. “I think they really do help.”

Yue Qingyuan nodded. This was truly a difficult time for both Shens, but he hoped that with time, Shen Qingqiu’s grief would fade and the two of them would heal. Until then, Cang Qiong would continue to look after their own.

__________________________

Not for the first time, Shen Qingqiu knelt in front of the sword mound he had created. He knew what everyone thought - that he was mourning Luo Binghe’s death. But in truth, he was mourning for the loss of the little white lotus he had raised for three years, for the innocent boy who smiled like the sun and believed the best of people. That boy was dead now, killed by his own hand. What would arise from the Endless Abyss would be the blackened lotus, the Luo Binghe who could gently speak sweet words while thinking about slowly tearing a person’s skin and sinews off, bit by bit.

Gone forever was that happy warm relationship between master and disciple. When they met again, Luo Binghe would be out for his blood - and his limbs.

You’d think that after forcing him to throw his own disciple into the Endless Abyss, the System would compensate him with points. But nooo, thanks to a sudden new factor, aka Luo Binghe’s Heartbreak level, his points were down to zero once again.

Scammed! He’d been scammed! Give him back his hard-earned points, you useless good-for-nothing System!

The toddler scum villain came to stand beside him. He poked him in the arm.

“It looks like it’s going to rain soon,” he remarked.

Poke, poke.

“Is that so?” murmured Shen Qingqiu.

Honestly, he couldn’t be bothered. Even infected with Without-A-Cure, he was still a Core Formation level cultivator. A little rain wouldn’t hurt him.

The toddler scum villain poked him again. “You should get inside before that happens.”

“In a while,” replied Shen Qingqiu.

The original goods sat down on the ground and crossed his arms. “If that’s the way you’re going to be, then I’ll sit here with you in the rain. And then I’ll get deathly sick with pneumonia and then everyone in Cang Qiong will know that you’re a shitty father!”

Shen Qingqiu sighed. The original goods was stubborn enough to carry out his threat too. And from past experience, even before the rain came down, he was going to poke and nag him to get up non-stop.

“Alright, alright, I’m getting up,” said Shen Qingqiu as he got to his feet.

Once he was on his feet, the toddler scum villain stood up himself. He then took Shen Qingqiu by the hand and started leading him back to the bamboo house.

As they were walking, the original goods suddenly cleared his throat.

“You know, body thief, cultivation life can be pretty dangerous. Sometimes disciples die of a qi deviation and sometimes they die on a nighthunt. You can teach and prepare them as best as you can, but bad things just happen at times, and there’s nothing you and I can do about it.”

He paused for a heartbeat. “We all know you did your best to save Luo Binghe. I’m sure the beast knows that too, wherever he is.”

…Was the original goods imagining some tragic scene between him and Luo Binghe, ala Simba helplessly watching Mufasa fall from the cliff? Though if this was the Lion King, he was more Scar in this scenario, rather than Simba. Ha ha ha.

Still, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but be warmed by this awkward attempt at comforting him. But this wasn’t the first time the original goods had tried to comfort him, wasn’t it? There had been all those times where he had insisted that Shen Qingqiu eat something, refusing to eat until Shen Qingqiu had taken a few bites. His perpetual stickiness, those times when he had thrown a tantrum about not wanting to sleep in his crib so Shen Qingqiu had no choice but to share the bed with him. How many times had he woken up to find a little hand clasped in his?

Did he seem so miserable that even the scum villain himself took pity on him? Nah, he couldn’t be that bad, could he?

Feeling a sudden rush of affection for this child, Shen Qingqiu picked up the toddler scum villain and peppered his face with kisses.

The original goods shrieked and struggled in his arms. “Body thief, what is wrong with you?”

Shen Qingqiu hugged him close. “Nothing. I just felt like kissing you for some reason.”

The toddler scum villain grumbled, but made no further protest about Shen Qingqiu cuddling him.

Despite all of this, Shen Qingqiu still felt the urge to spread the misery around so he sent Ming Fan over to An Ding Peak to invite Shang Qinghua for tea tomorrow. He had been putting it off for a long while now, but there was a certain traitor that he needed to confront.

The next day, Shang Qinghua came over for tea. Shen Qingqiu sent the toddler scum villain off with the disciples. Fortunately, he left without a word of protest.

Good. Shen Qingqiu wanted to be alone for this little confrontation.

“You have such a lovely home, Shen-shixiong,” praised Shang Qinghua as he picked up his teacup. “Such elegance humbles this Qinghua.”

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “It pains me to say this, but everything in this house used to be arranged by a certain disciple of mine.”

“Ah, Luo-shizhi truly was a person of great ability,” lamented Shang Qinghua. “His death was such a tragedy. The entire world commiserates with Shen-shixiong’s grief.”

He dared? He fucking dared?!

“If you truly think that it’s such a tragedy, Shang-shidi, then there wouldn’t have been such a devastating event,” replied Shen Qingqiu calmly.

Shang Qinghua stiffened upon hearing his words. But after a moment, he smiled once again. “Shen-shixiong, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Shen Qingqiu set his teacup down and gave him a thin-lipped smile. “I’m talking about the Ghost Head Spiders, nu yuan chan and the Bone Eagles. Such things never actively come into the Human Realm, but for some reason, they were all present at the Immortal Alliance Conference.”

Shang Qinghua immediately stood up straight. “Peak Lord Shen, you go too far!” he cried. “How could you accuse me of such a dreadful thing?!”

Oh, he wanted to play innocent, huh. As if Shen Qingqiu hadn’t read Proud Immortal Demon Way from beginning to end. As if a certain someone hadn’t accidentally revealed himself by blurting out a “WTF?!” when Mobei-Jun approached during the conference.

“Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky,” he slowly enunciated.

Shang Qinghua’s jaw dropped. “You… how do you know my ID?”

So, he really was the shitty author of PIDW, huh.

Shen Qingqiu whacked him over the head with his fan. “Unfilled plot holes! Foreshadowing made useless! Lightning strikes everywhere! A grade-schooler’s writing! If you’re going to write a stallion novel, you should properly write a stallion novel. Why mess around with this mental and physical abuse?!”

Shang Qinghua put up a hand to defend himself from the fan. “I am also a victim. I’m the author of Proud Immortal Demon Way, so can’t I be considered as the God who created this world? Even if I transmigrate, I should transmigrate into the protagonist. Who knew that after dying from electrocution, the system randomly assigned a role and matched me with a cannon fodder?”

Shen Qingqiu whacked him again. “You only have yourself to blame, oh great god Airplane!” he yelled. “As the creator of this world, you’re responsible for everything here! From the various demons to the cultivation sects, from the protagonist’s tragic beginnings to the original goods’ backstory to the three hundred women strong harem, you designed it all!”

At that moment, the door slammed open to reveal a visibly seething toddler scum villain.

“So, I have you to thank for my miserable life!” he roared.

Saying that, he charged at Shang Qinghua. Tackling him at the knees, the original goods brought him down to the floor. Once he was down, the toddler scum villain got on his chest. Shen Qingqiu wordlessly handed him his fan, and let the toddler scum villain go to town on Shang Qinghua’s head.

“Ow! Ow! Stop hitting me!” yelled Shang Qinghua.

Shen Qingqiu stepped on his right wrist to stop him from shoving away the toddler scum villain.

“Let him hit you,” ordered Shen Qingqiu. “He has every right to do so.”

“No, he doesn’t!” wailed Shang Qinghua. “I never created a character named ‘Shen Qingqiu’s son’.”

“This isn’t an OC, this is the original goods himself,” Shen Qingqiu informed him maliciously.

Shang Qinghua’s eyes went wide. “Shen-shixiong?!”

The toddler scum villain snarled.

Finally, finally, the original goods’ hand dropped to his side as he panted, still standing on Shang Qinghua’s chest.

“Are you done now?” asked Shen Qingqiu.

“My wrists are tired and this fan is broken,” answered the toddler scum villain spitefully. “But give me some time to rest and a new fan, and I’ll be ready to go again.”

Shen Qingqiu sighed. Yeah, he thought that would be the original goods’ response.

“Just get off him, will you?” he ordered.

The original goods obeyed, but not before jumping with two feet on a certain body part that made Shen Qingqiu wince in sympathy.

Shang Qinghua rolled over to one side as he massaged his aching head and pillar.

“Shen-shixiong, was that really necessary?” he wheezed.

The toddler scum villain glared at him. “You deserve worse,” he informed him. “You utter bastard.”

Shang Qinghua groaned. “Shen-shixiong, have mercy on me! I transmigrated here as an infant. Even if I wanted to, there was nothing I could do to change your past.”

The original goods continued to glare at him, clearly unconvinced. But Shen Qingqiu kind of felt sorry for Shang Qinghua. He looked so pathetic, sitting on the floor and rubbing his head with a teary face.

“Alright, alright, it’s done. Let’s have no more hitting, shall we?” he said soothingly.

The original goods gave a very reluctant nod. Shang Qinghua gave Shen Qingqiu a grateful look.

“Thanks, bro,” he said. “I didn’t expect to find a reader here. What was your handle? I might remember you.”

“Peerless Cucumber,” answered Shen Qingqiu, ignoring the toddler scum villain mouthing his answer with a disgusted look on his face.

Shang Qinghua brightened. “Ah, I remember you! Weren’t you the one fiercely demanding the scum villain’s castration in the comments?”

The toddler scum villain raised an eyebrow at Shen Qingqiu. “You wanted what?”

“Back then, I thought you sexually harassed Ning Yingying. I didn’t know it was a misunderstanding,” Shen Qingqiu defended himself.

The original goods gave a one-sided shrug as if to say “fair enough”.

“By the way, Cucumber-bro, any plans on what we should do to save ourselves when Luo Binghe comes out of the Endless Abyss in five years’ time?” asked Shang Qinghua.

“Luo Binghe is alive?!” yelped the toddler scum villain.

He turned to stare at Shen Qingqiu. Shen Qingqiu could just see the puzzle pieces assembling themselves in his head.

The toddler scum villain folded his arms. “Luo Binghe’s the one who’s going to destroy Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, isn’t he?”

Shen Qingqiu winced. “Yes.”

“The one who’s going to get Yue Qingyuan pierced with ten thousand arrows until not even bones remain?”

“Yes.”

“The one who’s going to turn you into a human stick?”

“…Yes.”

“And your response to knowing this was to bring him into our home and dote on him like a favoured child??” screamed the original goods, yanking on his own hair. “Body thief, what is WRONG with you?!!”

Shang Qinghua put his hands out, as an attempt to pacify the toddler scum villain. “Now, now, Shen-shixiong, clinging to your future murderer’s thighs is a perfectly valid survival strategy.”

He then looked at Shen Qingqiu with a malicious glint in his eyes. “Of course, you render your strategy moot if you yeet said future murderer into the Endless Abyss.”

“You did what?!” yelped the original goods.

“I DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT, ALRIGHT?!” yelled Shen Qingqiu, stunning the other two into silence.
He paced the floor back and forth. “I mean, I knew how the story’s meant to play out. Demons attack the Immortal Alliance Conference! The protagonist is suddenly revealed to be half Heavenly Demon! His wicked shizun seizes the opportunity to be rid of his despised disciple by throwing him into the Endless Abyss, that oh-so-conveniently opened up nearby! But eventually, the protagonist gets out of the Endless Abyss and takes revenge on his wicked shizun. End of first arc!”

Shen Qingqiu pushed a lock of hair away from his face. “When I first transmigrated here, I thought that I could change things. Luo Binghe hated Shen Qingqiu because he was cruel to him, so all I had to do was be good to him instead. Simple! But then the System insisted that Luo Binghe needed to go into the Endless Abyss. And no matter how much I argued with it, it wouldn’t change its mind.”

Shen Qingqiu took a deep breath. “Since I couldn’t change its mind, I told myself that it was all for the best. Sure, Luo Binghe would suffer horribly for five years-” Shen Qingqiu swallowed a sudden lump in his throat as he thought about all the painful ordeals that Luo Binghe was going through right now in the Endless Abyss “-but it was necessary for him so that he could unlock his demonic powers, gain his golden finger and then go on to become the Saintly Ruler, have hundreds of wives and live happily ever after.”

Shen Qingqiu stopped in his pacing as he recalled the terrified look on Luo Binghe’s face as he stood at the edge of the Endless Abyss. “But he was so scared when the time happened,” he whispered. “He didn’t want to go in. And I - I didn’t want him to go in either. And that’s when the fucking System popped up and told me to do it, or else it would throw me back. You know, back to my corpse that’s likely buried by now?”

He blinked back tears. “So, I did it. I threw that poor trusting child into a living hell, and he’ll never forgive me for it now.”

There was a long silence. And then- “Damn, Cucumber-bro. It was pretty tough having to throw your blorbo into superhell, huh?”

If Shen Qingqiu had a fan in his hand right now, he would have thrown it at Shang Qinghua’s thick head.

“Luo Binghe’s not my blorbo,” snapped Shen Qingqiu. “He’s a real person.”

“A real person who’s going to be out for blood in a few years time,” pointed out Shang Qinghua. He then blinked and looked down at the toddler scum villain. “Wait a minute, did you hear all of that?” he demanded.

The toddler scum villain rolled his eyes. “Yes. That’s what happens when one person is talking and the other person has ears.”

Shang Qinghua’s jaw dropped and he whirled back to Shen Qingqiu. “He’s not supposed to be able to hear all that,” he said. “The System prevents the people in this world from hearing anything that’s to do with PIDW spoilers or the System itself, even when it’s in sleep mode.”

“Trust me, I should know,” continued Shang Qinghua. “I was talking to my System out loud one time when I didn’t know my king was in the same room and he later asked me why I kept making the censored beep sound.”

“Oh yeah, it’s because the System can’t see or hear him,” replied Shen Qingqiu absently.

The original goods looked like he wanted to strangle him. “Let me get this straight: the god who threw you into my body can’t see or hear me for some reason, and you didn’t think to mention this before?!”

“I agree with Shen-shixiong. This is a pretty big deal, Cucumber-bro,” said Shang Qinghua.

The toddler scum villain scowled at Shang Qinghua. “Get out.”

“Oh, happily,” retorted Shang Qinghua.

Shen Qingqiu pointed at Shang Qinghua. “Don’t even think of trying to run away after this, Airplane. We still have to discuss a plan of how to escape our fates - and I may already have some ideas.”

Shang Qinghua hesitated, but then nodded before leaving the bamboo house.

Which left Shen Qingqiu alone with the still visibly seething original goods.

“You lied to me!” snapped the toddler scum villain. “The whole time! Here I was, racking my brains trying to figure out who was the big villain who was going to destroy our sect and turn you into a human stick, when the culprit was right under my nose the entire time!”

“I–”

“I thought that we were on the same side!” wailed the original goods. “That we were united in not wanting the sect to fall and Yu-everyone not to die! But you were just laughing behind my back the whole time, weren’t you?”

The original goods was tearing up. Oh god, he really was upset about this, wasn’t he?

Shen Qingqiu knelt before him and took his hands in his. The toddler scum villain tried to pull away, but Shen Qingqiu held firm.

“I never laughed at you behind your back, not once,” replied Shen Qingqiu, looking the original goods in the eye. “I just didn’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“And now, lots of people are going to get hurt, all because you didn’t kill the beast earlier on,” retorted the original goods, still trying to yank his arms away.

“He was a child, Shen Jiu,” cried Shen Qingqiu. “An innocent child. He didn’t deserve to be killed just because of something he might do in the future.”
Shen Qingqiu squeezed his hands. “And he was a good kid too,” he whispered, thinking of Luo Binghe’s bright happy smile.

That child would never smile so brightly again.

“So how was I to tell you that it was Luo Binghe all along?” asked Shen Qingqiu. “I mean, you already hated him when you thought that he was just a street kid - I didn’t trust you not to go running to Zhangmen-shixiong to get him killed or imprisoned.”

The toddler scum villain made a face that said that yes, he would have gone straight to Yue Qingyuan had he known the truth.

“I just - I really thought that I could change things,” continued Shen Qingqiu. He looked down at the floor. “But maybe I should have told you some things later on. I mean, you’re smart. Maybe you could have figured out something so that Luo Binghe didn’t have to go into the Endless Abyss.”

“Stop crying,” ordered the original goods suddenly, sounding rather alarmed.

Shen Qingqiu wiped a hand over his face. Ah, he hadn’t even noticed that he had started crying. The toddler scum villain took this opportunity to escape Shen Qingqiu and ran off. To Shen Qingqiu’s surprise, he came back a short while later with a handkerchief that he must have taken from Shen Qingqiu’s dresser and handed it to him. Shen Qingqiu took it with a murmur of thanks and used it to dab at his face and blow his nose. The toddler scum villain stood mutely over him with his arms crossed the entire time.

“If it makes you feel better, you probably saved the beast’s life by pushing him into the Endless Abyss,” remarked Shen Jiu at last.

“What?” Shen Qingqiu gaped at him.

Shen Jiu let out a huge sigh. “Stupid body thief. Think about it: hundreds of disciples died at the Immortal Alliance Conference and all the sect leaders present had to hear their precious disciples beg and scream for help before dying horribly. And then one disciple is suddenly revealed to be half-Heavenly Demon? That amount of demonic qi can’t be hidden just by slapping a cloth over the beast’s forehead and calling it a day, you know? If he was lucky, the angry mob would have torn him limb from limb on the spot.”

“The protagonist halo wouldn’t have let them kill him,” argued Shen Qingqiu.

“Can this protagonist halo stop the sects from imprisoning the beast next to his father?” demanded Shen Jiu. “Because that’s what would have happened had he been found unkillable.”

Shen Qingqiu had never once thought of that. He thought of his little white lotus being torn apart by an angry mob, and then of him being imprisoned under Mount Bailu, and had to shudder.

Shen Jiu poked him in the chest. “Don’t think that you’re off the hook. I’m still mad at you for hiding this crucial bit of information from me. You. Owe. Me. Big time.”

“Yes, yes,” sighed Shen Qingqiu. “How can I make this up to you?”

“You can start by promising not to hide information from me ever again,” snapped Shen Jiu.

“Alright, I promise,” replied Shen Qingqiu.

“And secondly-” Shen Jiu yanked on the front of his robes hard enough that their faces were almost touching “-tell me everything you know about this ‘Proud Immortal Demon Way’.”

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu paced up and down his room. “Okay, original goods. But before I start telling you about Proud Immortal Demon Way, I first have to warn you that it’s really, really long. As in millions of words long. Even if I cut out all the papapa scenes and the harem drama, it’s still going to take a long time to tell you the full story. Especially since you insist on knowing it in detail.”

Shen Jiu nodded and then frowned. “What are papapa scenes?”

“Sex scenes,” explained Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Jiu pulled a face. “Ah, it’s that kind of novel, is it?”

By this world’s standards, Shen Qingqiu supposed that PIDW would be seen as a yellow book. Especially since the stallion novel genre didn’t seem to exist here, and Shen Qingqiu would know.

“Something like that,” replied Shen Qingqiu.

The original goods sat down on Shen Qingqiu’s bed and folded his arms. “Then you had better get to it, body thief.”

Shen Qingqiu opened his mouth and began the story.

___________________________________

Of course, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t spend the rest of his time telling the original goods about Proud Immortal Demon Way. He still had other things to do. Like, teaching his disciples, administrative duties, mourning Luo Binghe taking care of Luo Binghe’s sword mound and all the other Peak Lord business minutiae.

And so he could only recite the tale in the afternoon and at night. Telling the story to the toddler scum villain at night while he was lying down in his crib and hugging Miss Kitty and his toy soldier to his chest made him feel like a parent telling his child a bedtime story. Only PIDW was very inappropriate as a children’s bedtime story, but the son in question was actually an adult man in a toddler’s body so Shen Qingqiu supposed that that evened things out.

“Can we move forward from this part? I already know what I did.”

“No, we are not skipping this part. You are going to have to hear exactly how badly Luo Binghe suffered because of you.”

A sigh. “Dear gods.”

____________________________

“-then, using her weak and fragile body, she pushed Luo Binghe down. Luo Binghe put up a brief show of resistance before telling himself, ‘She did it all for my sake. I don’t have the heart to reject her final wish.’ He yielded, still half-reluctant and went along with it.”

The original goods sat bolt upright in his crib. “That’s rape!” he exclaimed in horror.

“No, it’s not rape,” refuted Shen Qingqiu.

Of course this wasn’t rape. Firstly, Qin Wanyue was a weak and fragile girl. And secondly, Luo Binghe was a stallion protagonist. No stallion novel would ever depict its protagonist getting raped, and Luo Binghe was the most powerful of all. Ergo, no rape here.

Shen Jiu scowled up at him. “This is rape,” he insisted. “Firstly, while it is understandable that the girl did not want to die a virgin, she didn’t ask the beast if he wanted to have sex with her - just pushed him down and went at it. And secondly, it is very obvious that the beast did not want to have sex with her. Look at the words you just used to describe the beast in that scene: ‘resistance’, ‘yielded’, ‘half-reluctant’.”

Shen Jiu made a chopping hand gesture. “There should be no amount of reluctance when it comes to sex from either party. The fact that there is in this scene proves that it is rape.” He shook his head slowly. “Can’t believe that I’m now feeling sorry for this version of the beast.”

Seriously, original goods? This is the thing that makes you feel sorry for Luo Binghe? You rolled your eyes all through the various abuses and mistreatment Luo Binghe suffered through, but him papapa-ing with Qin Wanyue is the thing that makes you pity him?!

“Anyway, this issue is moot. The girl died of her poison shortly after raping the beast and so we can move on,” continued Shen Jiu.

“Actually, she didn’t die of the poison afterwards,” Shen Qingqiu corrected slowly. “As a matter of fact, she found herself cured. Because the cure to Without-A-Cure is to papapa with a Heavenly Demon.”

The original goods’ jaw dropped. “WHAT?!!”

Shen Qingqiu winced and rubbed his ears. Damn, the original goods sure had a good set of lungs on him. If this was an anime, all the birds on Qing Jing Peak would have taken flight at his scream. As it was, Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t be surprised if they heard him on Qiong Ding Peak.

Shen Jiu massaged his temples. “I suppose that I shouldn’t be surprised considering how many poisons in this world need to be cured by dual cultivation, but still-” He then swore. “Damn that wretched rat! I wouldn’t have suspected him to have such a filthy mind before this.”

Shen Qingqiu stared at him. “You’re not mad at me for not using Luo Binghe to cure myself of Without-A-Cure?”

“If I were you, I wouldn’t want to have sex with an underage beast either,” retorted Shen Jiu. “So I’m not going to blame you for that.”

Shen Qingqiu coughed. “Anyway, spoilers alert: Luo Binghe will eventually go on to marry Qin Wanyue and her sister. Though that’s not going to happen here since Qin Wanrong got killed by the nu yuan chuan.”

“THE BEAST MARRIED HIS RAPIST AND HER STUPID CHIT OF A SISTER?!!”

Shen Qingqiu rubbed his ears again. “Scream a little louder, why don’t you? I don’t think they heard you on Xian Shu Peak.”

“This version of the beast has shit taste in women!” declared Shen Jiu.

He was wrong, but Shen Qingqiu had to admit that Luo Binghe could stand to be a little more discerning about the women he admitted into his harem. There was no reason for the quality of his harem to be so uneven, especially when you compared the Qin sisters to the likes of Liu Mingyan.

He let the original goods grumble and mutter curses and threats against Shang Qinghua for a while. Ah, the true PIDW experience. Wanting to strangle Airplane-Shooting-Towards-The-Sky for his shitty writing decisions.

Once his mutters finally died down, Shen Qingqiu said, “So, shall I continue with the story?”

Shen Jiu grumbled a bit more and then waved a hand at him, signalling him to continue with the tale.

“Anyway, Luo Binghe absorbed the nutrients of the miracle flower that the girl had ingested earlier, which gave him a boost to his cultivation,” continued Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Jiu scoffed and folded his arms. “Of course he did.”

Shen Qingqiu went on to describe the rest of the events at the Immortal Alliance Conference: the attack, Luo Binghe fighting off a Black Moon Python Rhinoceros which ended with the seal hiding his demonic heritage, getting cracked. And then of course, his wicked shizun seeing this, heartlessly threw Luo Binghe into the Endless Abyss.

Shen Jiu nodded. “Yes, that’s definitely something I would do.”

“And see how it came back to bite you in the ass,” snapped Shen Qingqiu.

Well, now this was going to bite him in the ass. And he did not want to become a human stick, no way, nuh-uh, absolutely not.

Shen Qingqiu faltered when he came to Luo Binghe’s journey through the Endless Abyss. Oh, his poor little white lotus. How badly he was suffering right now. And it was all his fault.

Shen Jiu waved a hand. “Yes, yes, the beast went through many trials and tribulations as he wandered through the Endless Abyss. We can move on now.”

He then coughed. “Do you need a handkerchief?” he asked awkwardly.

What handkerchief? Shen Qingqiu was definitely not blinking back tears. Some dust just got into his eyes, that’s all. This house was just so dusty these days. None of the disciples here could meet Luo Binghe’s housekeeping standards when it came to cleaning his house.

Shen Qingqiu went on to narrate the events of Luo Binghe finding Xin Mo and using it to escape the Endless Abyss, entering Huan Hua Palace, his reunion with his old shizun and then the trial of Shen Qingqiu.

“So, the beast really did bring Haitang into this whole mess,” murmured the original goods. His eyes went distant for a moment and then he cleared his throat. “So, how was she described in the novel?”

Shen Qingqiu thought for a bit. “Angry. Bitter.”

Shen Jiu briefly closed his eyes. “Ah. I suppose I shouldn’t be so surprised.”

Well, she has good reason to be angry and bitter considering her fiance, the boy she was in love with, killed her brother and burned down her house, was what Shen Qingqiu did not say. Before transmigrating, he would have said that it seemed perfectly in character for the scum villain to be so wicked and ungrateful to the people who saved him from slavery, but now after living with the original goods for over a year, things didn’t seem so clear-cut.

“Qiu Haitang was lying about how well her family treated you, wasn’t she?” asked Shen Qingqiu bluntly.

Shen Jiu drew up his knees and rested his cheek on them. “What makes you say that, body thief?”

“Because you were slated to marry Qiu Haitang, which would have made you a wealthy and pampered noble. Throwing that away in favour of being a criminal’s apprentice would’ve been monumentally stupid, and you, original goods, are not stupid,” stated Shen Qingqiu baldly. “And if you were ambitious enough to want to be Lord Qiu instead of Lord Qiu’s brother-in-law, you would’ve waited until after your marriage to kill him.”

There was silence for a long while, and then -”As far as Qiu Haitang of Proud Immortal Demon Way knows, she’s definitely telling the truth.”

The way the original goods phrased that…

“So why didn’t you tell your fiancee that you were being mistreated under her nose?” questioned Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Jiu hugged his knees. “Stupid body thief. What was the point? There was nothing she could do to stop it anyway.”

If the young mistress of the house couldn’t stop someone under her roof from hurting her beloved fiance, then that someone was likely further up the hierarchy than her. Aka her brother, Qiu Jianluo.

The original goods was still hugging his knees, eyes looking far into the distance. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. Whatever that Qiu Jianluo had done to him during his time living with the Qius must have been pretty bad for him to be so affected even now.

“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Shen Qingqiu awkwardly.

Shen Jiu shook his head. “No. But I’ll just say this: Qiu Jianluo deserved a far worse death than the one I gave him.”

And that was all he was going to say on the matter, apparently. To be honest, that was more than Shen Qingqiu thought he’d volunteer.

Now curious about the rest of the original goods’ backstory, he asked, “So, what about Wu Yanzi?”

Shen Jiu snorted. “In my defence, it wasn’t as if he was advertising himself as ‘Wu Yanzi, demonic cultivator, looking for some young fool with enough cultivation ability to make use of’, when I first met him.”

He rested his cheek against his knee again. “He taught me a few immortal techniques in the beginning, so I thought that he was alright. By the time I realised that I had escaped a wolf’s den only to fall into a tiger’s hole, it was too late.”

Silence again filled the house.

“Anyway, get on with the story, body thief,” ordered the original goods.

And so Shen Qingqiu continued onwards. He faltered again when he came to Yue Qingyuan’s death and the subsequent destruction of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. He had only been in this world for a few years, but he had grown to care for his martial siblings, his disciples and the rest of his sect. Surely his Luo Binghe wouldn’t destroy the sect, right? Shen Qingqiu had made sure that his little white lotus had a much more pleasant time on Qing Jing Peak compared to his PIDW counterpart. He got along well with his peers from the other peaks too, so his revenge should only fall on Shen Qingqiu, right? Right??!!

“Alright, so the beast destroys the sect and kills everyone. Moving on now,” declared the original goods.

As if he hadn’t been rubbing his eyes and pinching himself for a while now. He had probably learned his lesson after falling asleep halfway during Shen Qingqiu’s narration the other day.

“Yeah, no, we’re going to bed now,” replied Shen Qingqiu. “I’ll continue where I picked off tomorrow.”

“But I’m not–” The original goods yawned long and hard. Shen Qingqiu gave him a pointed look.

“Alright, so maybe I’m a little tired,” admitted Shen Jiu. He then pointed at Shen Qingqiu. “We’re continuing this tomorrow.”

As if they hadn’t already been doing that for a few days now.

“Yes, yes,” replied Shen Qingqiu. “Now go to bed.”

___________________________________________

“Ning Yingying? The beast marries Ning Yingying? And Liu Mingyan as well?!

“Yes.”

“I can understand why Ning Yingying married the beast, but Liu Mingyan? I didn’t think she even liked men before this!”

“Yeah, I think they really bonded about, you know, hating your guts?”

“But that still doesn’t mean she has to marry the beast! Ugh. The Liu Qingge of this story must be spinning like a top in his grave at the idea of his precious little sister marrying a Heavenly Demon bastard.”

“Don’t call Binghe that!”

“Why not? It’s the truth. His parents never married, after all. Ergo, he’s a bastard.”

“That’s still a mean thing to call someone!”

“Fine, fine.”

A sigh.

“My poor Yingying.”

_____________________________________________

“And so the lady pulled Luo Binghe into her bed and–”

“This is also rape.”

“No it isn't! Both of them are enthusiastically consenting here.”

“She only pulled the beast into her bed because she thinks that she’s taking her husband to bed! She has no idea that her husband is already dead and the beast is impersonating him via the Mask of Disguise. It’s still considered rape if it’s sex under false pretenses! Gods, this version of the beast is very good at learning all the wrong things in life.”

“...Does it make things better that she considers this the best papapa she ever had in her life?”

“No, it does not! Aargh! Just carry on with the story, will you?”

“Okay, okay! So–”

_____________________________________________

“-and here is another one of fucking Airplane’s shitty writing decisions! The protagonist has just seen a supposedly extinct Celestial Moonfire Rabbit disappear down a tunnel. Here lies the great opportunity for Luo Binghe to follow the rabbit and perhaps discover a whole lost colony of the creatures, but instead of focusing on that, Wife #41 leads him down another tunnel where they find some hot springs and the two of them proceed to bathe together, which leads to papapa and then they leave.They just leave! Now, you might think, ‘oh that isn’t so bad, I’m sure Luo Binghe will eventually return to this cave and find more Celestial Moonfire Rabbits,’ but he doesn’t! He never returns to this cave! And so we, the readers, lose out on getting to see more of these amazing creatures! Fucking Airplane!”

“...You do realise that we live in this world and that you can just go to this cave and see them for yourself?”

“Oh shit, you’re right! Can’t believe that I completely forgot about that cave before this.”

“Wait, where are you going?”

“I’m going to get Zhangmen-shixiong’s permission to go and explore the Cave of Stone and Sea.”

“Oh no, you don’t! Get back here and continue with the rest of this terrible story!”

“Okay, okay. Sheesh.”

___________________________________________

“Let me take a wild guess here, correct me if I’m wrong: the beast has sex with this priestess.”

“Yup. Along with her six sister-priestesses.”

“Dear gods.”

_____________________________________________

“Wait, wait. The beast is just going to walk off with the princess and the witch? But what about that magical earthquake? He’s not going to investigate who or what caused it?”

“Nope! And we never come back to it. The novel ends without us discovering who the culprit is.”

“...Fucking Airplane.”

“Now you’re getting it, original goods.”

____________________________________________

“So, you’re telling me that this version of the beast decides to merge the Human and Demonic Realms together just because he got tired of listening to his demon wives and children whine about resources being ‘unevenly distributed’?!”

“Well, it was also because he thought that having two separate realms was rather unfavourable to his regime.”

Shen Jiu stared at him in horror. “But that’s going to kill thousands of people! And that’s not getting into the ecological ramifications of it!”

“...Yes.”

“Oh my gods.”

____________________________________________

“Wait, that’s it? It ends just like that?”

“Yup.”

Shen Jiu made a face. “What an unsatisfying ending to such a terrible tale.”

Shen Qingqiu nodded. “Yeah, I hated the ending too. In fact, I hated it so much that I ended up dying because of it.”

Shen Jiu raised an eyebrow at him. “You died of apoplexy because you were so mad about how a horrible story ended?”

Shen Qingqiu scratched his cheek. “Something like that.”

He was definitely not going to tell the original goods how he actually died.

Shen Jiu shook his head slowly. “Unbelievable.”

Shen Qingqiu decided to change the subject. “So, what did you think of Proud Immortal Demon Way?”

Shen Jiu folded his arms and grimaced. “You know, body thief, I never understood why you liked the beast so much. And after listening to this horrible disgusting tale, I understand why even less! What’s so great about a two-faced, manipulative, cruel, sadistic, lecherous, murderous rapist?”

“Well, it’s not like anyone taught him any better,” defended Shen Qingqiu. “And some of those adjectives could be applied to you, original goods!”

Shen Jiu put up a finger. “Cruel, I’ll admit to. Sadistic, maybe sometimes. And yes, I have murdered before, though not to the beast’s extent. I know what my reputation is like, despite the fact that I’ve never actually slept with a woman before. But I object to being called two-faced and manipulative, and I’ve certainly never forced myself on anyone! You can’t put all the beast’s faults on me. Especially when you yourself mentioned that the seeds for the beast’s ‘blackening’ were planted in his miserable childhood, long before he came to me.”

“Don’t you dare try to avoid responsibility here. You didn’t even try to teach him better,” snapped Shen Qingqiu. “In fact, you made things worse with all your abuse! Why did you even take him in as a disciple in the first place if you were going to treat him so badly?”

The original goods looked away. Shen Qingqiu thought that he’d either stay silent or go into a sulk, like he often did whenever Shen Qingqiu brought up his past abuses of Luo Binghe. But after a long while, he muttered, “Ning Yingying wanted a shidi.”

Not for the first time, Shen Qingqiu wanted to tear at his hair. “That still doesn’t justify why you were so cruel to poor Binghe! And it’s not as if he’s irredeemable either! I mean, look at how he blossomed after I gave him a proper cultivation manual and made sure the other disciples didn’t bully him anymore. He became a model disciple and was so good and well-behaved. He was never the least bit cruel to you despite how nasty you were to him, and the worst thing he ever did in retaliation was to put you in baby jail for a while.”

Shen Jiu snorted. “That was only because the beast was aiming to be your wife.”

Shen Qingqiu groaned. “Again with this bullshit? How many times do I have to tell you? Luo Binghe is not gay! And especially not gay for me! He just insisted on doing all the cooking and cleaning here to show his gratitude for all the teaching I was giving him. I mean, would a gay man have so many wives?”

“I’m not going to argue with you on this matter again,” replied Shen Jiu loftily and saying that, he turned his back on Shen Qingqiu and refused to talk any further.

Shen Qingqiu wanted to throw his hands up. This useless scum villain! Even after having heard the entirety of PIDW, he still wanted to act like this! Once again, Shen Qingqiu was filled with the urge to throttle him. Instead of doing so, he stomped out of the bamboo house to cool his head down.

_____________________________________________

Shen Qingqiu was marking his disciples’ essays when a knock came on his door. He opened it to reveal Shang Qinghua waiting outside.

“Cucumber-bro, we really need to talk about the you-know-what,” started Shang Qinghua half-apologetically.

“Yes, yes, now come in,” said Shen Qingqiu hastily and quickly pulled him into his house.

The original goods had been reading a book but when he saw Shang Qinghua, he immediately put his book down and approached them.

“So, I see that the treacherous rat is back,” he greeted. “Baba has been telling me all about your disgusting piece of doggerel that has been masquerading as a novel. I wouldn’t have thought that you were the type to churn out trashy stories before this.”

“Now, now, Shen-shixiong. I’ll have you know that my novel was very popular where I originally came from,” replied Shang Qinghua.

“With who? Rapists?” sneered the original goods.

Shang Qinghua shrugged. “What can I say? Sex sells.”

“You’re disgusting,” Shen Jiu informed him. “Also, Baba told me all about how you’ve been selling the sect out to demons for years. I bet I can guess when it started: it was when there was a demonic attack on a bunch of An Ding disciples and you just so happened to be the sole survivor.”

“Yup,” replied Shang Qinghua.

“Hah, I knew that there was something fishy about your story!” crowed Shen Jiu.

Shang Qinghua shrugged again. “Yes, yes, Shen-shixiong. You were right and Yue-shixiong was wrong.”

The original goods’ face darkened. Shen Qingqiu could guess what he was going to do and he could intervene here but, you know what? Shang Qinghua deserved what he was going to get.

True enough, a set of toddler jaws soon clamped down hard on Shang Qinghua’s right hand.

“Ow! What the fuck!” yelled Shang Qinghua.

He tried to shake Shen Jiu off his hand but the original goods only bit down harder. He then went to pull him off, but Shen Qingqiu grabbed his left wrist before he could do so.

“Don’t touch my son,” he ordered. He then looked down at Shen Jiu who was still worrying Shang Qinghua’s hand like a dog with a bone. “Original goods, let go. You don’t know where that hand’s been.”

Much to Shen Qingqiu’s surprise, Shen Jiu obediently let go of Shang Qinghua’s hand. Huh. And here he was, thinking that he was going to have to pinch his nose to make him let go.

Shang Qinghua massaged his bitten hand and stared at Shen Jiu.

“Shen-shixiong, you bit me!” he cried. “You’re a grown man who just so happens to be in a toddler’s body, have you no shame?”

“That’s rich coming from you of all people,” snarled Shen Jiu, practically bristling with rage. “Taking advantage of your shixiong’s good nature and betraying your sect - how shameless of you! I hope the demon that you’re selling us out for, tears you into tiny pieces!”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” interrupted Shen Qingqiu.

If he let this continue, the original goods was likely to throw a screaming tantrum and they had no time for that right now. He picked him up and set him on his hip. Shen Jiu continued to glare at Shang Qinghua, but he’d just have to deal with it.

Shang Qinghua gave Shen Qingqiu a pitiful look. “Bro, how could you let your scum villain son bite me like that?”

“Don’t whine, he only bit you once,” replied Shen Qingqiu. “Yue Qingyuan gets bitten all the time and you don’t see him complaining.”

“Yue Qingyuan wouldn’t complain even if he were to hit him over the head with a hammer,” retorted Shang Qinghua.

Eh, true.

Shen Qingqiu addressed Shang Qinghua, “Anyway, do you remember a kind of rare, appearing only once every thousand years kind of organism you created?”

“There’s hundreds of such things in this world,” interrupted Shen Jiu.

Shang Qinghua nodded. “Exactly.”

Shen Jiu scowled at him. “Just why did you have to create so many of these things? And why did you make them appear or blossom once in a few hundred years or a thousand years? Do you know how inconvenient this is for everyone in the world?”

Shang Qinghua sighed. “Shen-shixiong, I was writing a novel. And in a novel, isn’t it more romantic when the protagonist gets his girl a once-in-a-thousand-years blooming flower? Isn’t it more heart-pounding when the hero has to race against the clock to find a rare plant to cure his wife of some terrible poison? I had no idea back then that the world I created would become a reality.”

The original goods growled and wriggled in Shen Qingqiu’s arms. Shen Qingqiu had to hold on tight to him so that he wouldn’t jump out of his arms and attack Shang Qinghua again.

“Those things you mentioned, it would be a lot more thrilling if you didn’t have hundreds of one-in-a-thousand-years organisms growing about or if you didn’t throw Bing-ge’s wives into peril all the time,” snipped Shen Qingqiu.

“Bro, I needed something to fill out my chapters and such wife plots worked very well both for my word count and my bank account,” whined Shang Qinghua.

There were so many other things that he could have done instead. Such as filling in all those plot holes, doing something about the foreshadowing in the previous chapters, focusing more on the cool monsters, and solving some of the mysteries that showed up in the earlier parts. But what did we actually get? Excuse after excuse for more useless papapa scenes and harem drama. Fucking shitty author!

“Anyway, back to the topic at hand, I’m talking about the Sun and Moon Dew Mushroom, of course,” said Shen Qingqiu.

Shang Qinghua put one hand on his chest and gazed at him with utmost profoundness.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” asked Shen Qingqiu, feeling a little unnerved.

“Nothing,” replied Shang Qinghua. “It’s just that I feel like you’re a loyal reader of mine after all. You were actually able to dig out from a corner somewhere the creations that I forgot and lost a long time ago. I feel a little moved.”

Shen Qingqiu ignored the judging look the original goods was giving him. “Tomorrow, let’s go down the mountain together to search for it.”

Shang Qinghua’s eyebrows flew upwards. “Tomorrow? Isn’t this a little rushed? Actually, I can’t recall where its designated location is. The entire text spans nearly twenty million words and it’s mentioned only in one instance. Let me think it over slowly, then I’ll tell you.”

“Yes, let’s wait until Luo Binghe kills his way back, gets Mobei-Jun as a follower, kills me and then kills you. It won’t be too late for you to remember then,” snarked Shen Qingqiu.

“...Okay, I’ll definitely remember it by tomorrow,” stammered Shang Qinghua.

“Good. Now, get out of our house,” snapped Shen Jiu.

Shang Qinghua quickly made a hasty retreat. As soon as he was gone, Shen Jiu looked up at Shen Qingqiu.

“Put me down,” he ordered.

Shen Qingqiu obeyed and gently set him down on the floor.

“Using the Sun and Moon Dew Mushroom to grow yourself new bodies is a pretty good last resort plan if everything else fails,” admitted the original goods. “But what’s your actual plan for dealing with the beast when he gets out of the Endless Abyss?”

Shen Qingqiu opened his mouth and then closed it back again. “I haven’t thought about it yet.”

Shen Jiu folded his arms. “Typical,” he scoffed. “Never mind, I’ll think of something.”

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but be touched by his offer to help. “Thanks, original goods.”

Shen Jiu waved his thanks aside. “Save your gratitude, I’m only helping because your continued survival benefits me as well.”

Shen Qingqiu used his fan to conceal his smile. What a tsundere. As if Shen Qingqiu hadn’t noticed how he’d been trying to care for him before this.

“Anyway, what’s more important right now is that you need to watch your back when you go down the mountain with Shang Qinghua,” warned Shen Jiu. “Don’t trust that rat one bit. He’s the type who’d sell his own mother if he thought it would save his worthless skin.”

“Now, now, he’s not that bad,” soothed Shen Qingqiu. “Besides, we’re in the same boat here. He has no reason to backstab me.”

Shen Jiu stamped his foot. “So what if you’re in the same boat? You think that just because you’re from the same place that he won’t hesitate to push you overboard if he thought that it would benefit him? You’re not the same at all! I mean, look at how you’re both reacting to the Immortal Alliance Conference. You had to be practically forced at knifepoint to throw the beast into the Endless Abyss even though you knew full well that the beast would survive it and you’re still torn up with guilt about it. Whereas he’s responsible for the death of hundreds of people, most of them teenagers I may add, and he isn’t the least bit sorry about it!”

Well, that was true, but–

“I can’t judge him for that,” said Shen Qingqiu slowly. “If I were in his shoes, I might have done the same thing too.”

Shen Jiu gave him a pitying look. “No, you wouldn’t have, body thief,” he said gently. “If you were in his shoes, what would happen is that the Conference would find itself inundated with hordes of harmless beasts and maybe a few demons running about to smack people on the head. You wouldn’t have brought in Ghost Head Spiders and nu yuan chans for sure.”

Shen Qingqiu thought that the original goods was giving him too much credit, but he decided not to argue with him. Instead, he decided to change the subject.

“Alright, I’ll be careful around Shang Qinghua,” promised Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Jiu nodded. “See to it that you do.”

________________________________________________

Shen Jiu paced up and down the room as he waited for his body thief father and the rat’s return. He didn’t like the idea of the body thief going alone with the rat, but he had to admit that it was for the best. Another person would only ask too many questions on why two Peak Lords felt the sudden need to seek out Sun and Moon Dew Mushrooms.

He still didn’t like it though. His body thief baba was far too trusting for his own good! Even with Shen Jiu’s warnings, he might still turn his back to Shang Qinghua, allowing the treacherous rat to plant a dagger in it. You just couldn’t trust a man who’d betray his own sect to demons. Hell, Shen Jiu wouldn’t be surprised at all if the rat had something to do with the demonic invasion of Cang Qiong a few years back.

For two copper coins, Shen Jiu would go running to Qiong Ding Peak to alert Yue Qingyuan that one of his martial siblings had turned traitor if not for the fact that the rat was also the god that had created this world. He couldn’t trust that the rat hadn’t made a few fail-safes to destroy Yue Qingyuan the sect if his secret was ever blown. The rat was, after all, the head of the Logistics Peak. It was very easy for him to ruin the sect if he wanted. No, the best thing Shen Jiu could do for now was to lay low, find out all what the rat was planning and his fail-safes and then only, have him killed.

The treacherous rat was so lucky that Shen Jiu was currently a toddler right now, because if he had been in his old body, Shen Jiu would have killed him as soon as he found out that he was a traitor.

(He was not going to think about the other Shen Jiu who had gotten everyone around him killed, except poor Ning Yingying who’d been trapped in an unhappy marriage instead, and had lost everything, all because he had hurt the wrong person. He definitely wasn’t going to think about how he could have suffered the same fate had he not died in that qi deviation and had the body thief not taken over his role).

Ming Fan, who was on babysitting duty today, cleared his throat. “Yuan-er, I know that you want to play outside but you can’t today because it’s raining. Why don’t you let Ming-gege teach you how to play weiqi and then we can play a game?”

Shen Jiu shook his head. He was currently in no mood to pretend to be a toddler who didn’t know how to play weiqi.

The door suddenly opened to reveal the body thief.

“We’re back!” he announced as he stepped into the house, with the rat following behind.

“Baba!” called Shen Jiu.

He immediately made his way to the body thief. There was nothing strange here about a toddler going to greet his father after said father had been away for a few days, after all. The body thief immediately picked him up. Shen Jiu scrutinised the man carefully. He didn’t seem injured or poisoned, so it seemed like the rat hadn’t done anything to him.

Good. Because if he had, Shen Jiu would have taken the risk and gone straight to Yue Qingyuan to rat the rat out.

Ming Fan immediately stood up to greet the body thief. “Shizun, this disciple hopes that your trip went well. Yuan-er was very well-behaved while you were away.”

The body thief smiled at him. “Thank you, Ming Fan, for taking care of my son and house in my absence. You can leave now.”

Ming Fan bowed to both the body thief and the rat before taking his leave. Once he was gone, Shen Jiu looked up at the body thief.

“Did you find them?” he demanded.

The body thief nodded. “Yes, we got quite a few of them.”

Shen Jiu suppressed a sigh of relief. Well, that was one worry off his back. Of course that didn’t mean things were settled yet. They still had to find a place with excellent feng shui and a bounty of spiritual energy and nurture the mushrooms properly to yield a decent back-up body.

Shen Jiu wriggled in the body thief’s arms. The body thief immediately put him back down. The rat was staring at him for some odd reason. Shen Jiu sneered at the man. There was nothing wrong with a man picking up his toddler son, after all.

“So, have either of you come up with a plan to deal with the beast?” asked Shen Jiu.

The body thief shook his head, but the rat grinned and raised his thumb.

“I’m going to stick to my old plan to ensure my survival and that is to cling to my king’s thighs so that he won’t kill me,” he announced.

If Shen Jiu was Mobei-Jun, such a plan would only make him want to kill the rat faster. Ah well, one could only hope.

“Body thief, since you don’t have a plan, I’ve been doing some thinking and I’ve come up with two plans to deal with the beast. The first is complicated and hard. The second is far simpler but more risky. Which one do you want to hear first?” asked Shen Jiu.

“The first one,” answered the body thief.

“The second one,” piped up the rat.

Shen Jiu ignored the rat. “Alright, so five years from now, the beast will show up at Huan Hua Palace, correct?”

The body thief and rat nodded.

“So, all we need to do is find a way to publicly reveal the beast as a Heavenly Demon. Once we do that, everyone will be horrified and disgusted to find a Heavenly Demon halfbreed in their midst and then the four great sects can come together and-”

“Three great sects,” corrected the rat. “Huan Hua Palace will throw in their lot with Luo Binghe.”

He should have known that the old bastard of a Palace Master would be worse than useless in this matter.

“Fine,” huffed Shen Jiu. “We get Zhao Hua Temple and Tian Yi Overlook onboard to fight the beast. And since we can’t actually kill the beast thanks to this ‘protagonist halo’, we’ll just imprison him right next to his father. The sects are saved and everybody lives happily ever after. The end.”

The body thief stared at him in horror. “We can’t imprison Binghe under Mount Bailu for all eternity! That’s too cruel!”

Shen Jiu was going to strangle his idiot of a father.

“The beast is going to turn you into a human stick,” he enunciated slowly. “He’s going to tear off all your limbs and chain you by the waist in a dungeon for gods-know-how-long. Better him than you!”

The rat coughed. “There’s two other problems with that plan. First is that we won’t be able to ambush Luo Binghe alone like the sects did with Tianlang-Jun. The second is that he’ll have the OP sword, Xin Mo, with him. He’ll be a lot harder to get rid of than Tianlang-Jun, that’s for sure.”

Shen Jiu crossed his arms and gave the rat a meaningful look. “Oh, wouldn’t it be nice if we knew someone that could teleport close enough to grab that sword and teleport away again?”

“We’re not putting my king in danger like that!” squealed the rat.

“But it’s fine to bring in monsters to kill hundreds of teenagers in a dozen gruesome ways?” snapped Shen Jiu.

“As if you never killed anyone, Shen-shixiong!” the rat snapped back.

“And who’s fault was it that I ended up in those situations?” retorted Shen Jiu. “Did you think I wanted to be in the Qius’ household or to be a demonic cultivator’s apprentice?”

“Alright, alright, that’s enough, both of you,” interrupted the body thief, putting his hands out between them as if to prevent either of them from flying at the other. “We won’t be getting anywhere if you both keep bringing up the past.”

“Me?!” yelped the rat. “He’s the one who started it!”

“And now I’m finishing it,” stated the body thief. He nodded at Shen Jiu. “What’s the second plan, Shen Jiu?”

“The second plan is a lot riskier because it highly depends on the beast,” explained Shen Jiu.

It actually depended on whether Shen Jiu had read the beast correctly and that his desire for the body thief’s love was greater than his desire for vengeance, but he wasn’t going to say that. He wasn’t going to derail things by arguing yet again with the body thief about the beast’s feelings for him today.

He then took two of his stuffed toys to use in the demonstration of his plan. “Let’s pretend that this stuffed pig is the beast and that this teddy bear is the body thief.”

He waved the stuffed pig about. “Oh, Shizun,” he said, imitating the beast. “How could you be so wicked as to throw me into the Endless Abyss?”

He then waved the teddy bear about and mimicked the body thief. “I’m so sorry, Binghe. I only did it to save you from being torn to pieces by an angry mob of cultivators. But I’ve regretted having to throw you into a living hell for all these years. I regretted it so much that I made a sword mound for you to mourn over daily.”

“Can everyone just stop claiming that I’ve been going out of my mind with grief over Luo Binghe?” yelled the body thief. “Because I’m perfectly fine!”

Both Shen Jiu and the rat raised their eyebrows in unison at this highly dubious claim.

Shen Jiu went on with his little play as he continued to mimic the body thief. “I know that I don’t deserve it, but can you ever forgive me?”

He switched back to the beast. “Shizun, of course I forgive you.”

Shen Jiu then smashed the two stuffed animals together. “And then you two hug and nothing bad happens. Everyone lives happily ever after. The end.”

Both the body thief and rat exchanged looks.

“Yeah, my son’s not going to fall for that, Shen-shixiong,” said the rat.

“It sounds too fake for one,” agreed the body thief.

Shen Jiu dropped his toys as he stared at the two men. They really were going to dismiss his plan like that? The stupid, useless imbeciles!

He was not going to throw a tantrum.

He was not going to throw a tantrum.

…Oh, screw it.

______________________________________________

Shang Qinghua watched in secondhand embarrassment, hands clapped over his ears, as his once proud and dignified scum villain shixiong laid on the floor, kicking and screaming. And all because neither he nor his bro accepted his frankly, ridiculous plan. Did he really think that the world Shang Qinghua created would accept such a romantic drama scene? Much less his blackened protagonist? The answer was absolutely not. Such a plan had 0% chance of working. Though to be honest, Shang Qinghua was surprised that OG! Shen Qingqiu of all people, would come up with such a plot. The first one was more his style, though that was far more easily said than done.

Annnd he was still going on.

Shang Qinghua leaned over to whisper in Peerless Cucumber’s ear. “Bro, does he - does he do this a lot?”

Shen Qingqiu pinched the bridge of his nose. “You have no idea.”

Shang Qinghua’s admiration level for his #1 anti-fan rose even more. His bro must have the patience of Buddha himself to deal with the scum villain’s tantrums on a regular basis. Alright, so Shang Qinghua himself had thrown tantrums when this body was about 2-3 years of age, but at least back then, no one around him had known that he was actually an adult in a child’s body!

He was also impressed with Peerless Cucumber’s persuasion skills. Not only had he convinced the original Shen Qingqiu to not rat him out - and Shang Qinghua knew all too well how suspicious and untrusting the scum villain he had created was - but he also got him to cooperate with him too. Peerless Cucumber also had somehow managed to teach him some acting skills as well, to the point that the rest of Shang Qinghua’s martial siblings thought that “Yuan-er” was a shy but sweet and well-behaved kid, if a little clingy with his father. “Shy”, “sweet” and “well-behaved” were definitely not adjectives that could be applied to Shen Jiu. And then add to the fact that he had the protagonist and scum villain under one roof for over a year and still somehow managed to keep them both from killing each other? Well, his bro was one remarkable guy, for sure!

To be honest, Shang Qinghua was surprised that Peerless Cucumber took Shen Jiu in in the first place. His bro had been the #1 Shen Qingqiu hater, after all. Always demanding loudly in the comments for Shen Qingqiu’s castration and he had cheered wildly when Bing-ge had finally turned him into a human stick.

If Shang Qinghua had been in Peerless Cucumber’s shoes, he wouldn’t have bothered trying to raise Shen Jiu. No, he would have sent him far, far away and paid someone to look after him. Knowing how terrible his old shixiong’s personality was, he’d give it a month before the caretaker finally snapped and smothered him with a blanket. And that would be the last of Shang Qinghua’s worries on that end.

Shang Qinghua waited until the screaming had finally died down before speaking, “I think I know why the System can’t see Shen Jiu.”

That got both the Shens’ attention. Shen Jiu immediately sat up bolt-upright and Shen Qingqiu turned to look at him.

“I think it’s because Cucumber-bro has already taken the role of Shen Qingqiu. So, to the System, you are Shen Jiu right now,” explained Shang Qinghua. “And as far as it’s concerned, Shen-shixiong already died of that qi deviation a few years back. You’re not supposed to exist any more. There’s no space in this story for two Shen Qingqius, after all.”

“But I’m here anyway,” pointed out Shen-shixiong.

Shang Qinghua scratched his head. “Yeah, something probably went wrong there. I bet you weren’t supposed to reincarnate with all your memories intact, but you did. Anyway, where I’m going with this is that I think the System can’t see you because you’re out of the story. You’re not supposed to be around any more because Cucumber-bro here took your place, ergo you don’t exist to it.”

Peerless Cucumber nodded slowly. “That makes sense.”

“This could prove useful,” mused Shen Jiu.

Yeah, Shang Qinghua himself had thoughts on how to use Shen Jiu’s invisibility to the System to benefit himself. Unfortunately, judging from the way his old shixiong was treating him now, he was far more likely to sabotage Shang Qinghua than to help him. As it was, Shang Qinghua was glad that Shen Jiu was currently a toddler because he seriously suspected that he’d be dead if Shen Jiu was in his old body.

Maybe if he claimed that his plan would benefit Cucumber-bro as well, he’d be inclined to help? It was clear to Shang Qinghua that Shen Jiu had a soft spot for Cucumber-bro, and the feeling seemed to be mutual, considering how comfortable they were with each other. He wouldn’t in a thousand years have expected this, but there it was. Hmmm, now this would take some thinking.

____________________________________________

Shen Qingqiu sighed as he listened to yet another one of the original goods’ bloodthirsty plans to deal with Luo Binghe. Logically, he knew that Shen Jiu was right and Luo Binghe needed to be dealt with in some way in order for him not to become a human stick. But he didn’t want Luo Binghe to be hurt! That poor child had already suffered so much, he didn’t want more agonies to be piled onto him!

He knew that they could never reconcile, that there was no way Luo Binghe would ever forgive him for throwing him into the Endless Abyss. The most that Shen Qingqiu could hope for was that Luo Binghe would ignore his existence and focus on becoming the Demon Emperor and building a harem of beauties. But for some reason, the thought of his little sheep and he becoming strangers to each other, upsetted him.

“Would you stop shooting down my plans?” yelled Shen Jiu. “I’m trying to save your miserable skin here!”

“Could you maybe come up with a plan where Luo Binghe doesn’t get imprisoned or killed?” begged Shen Qingqiu.

Now that Shen Jiu knew that he was invisible to the System, he was insistent that maybe the protagonist halo could be defeated if he was the one holding the murder weapon. But Shen Qingqiu didn’t like the idea of him doing that. Yes, he wasn’t actually a child, but it still felt wrong to let a kid do the killing. Also, he really, really didn’t want Luo Binghe to die.

Shen Jiu scowled at him. “I already gave you such a plan and both you and the rat thought that it was stupid.”

It was a lovely idea, but it was an impossible dream in PIDW. This isn’t like a children’s cartoon where everything could be solved by saying “sorry” and then he and Binghe would ride off into the sunset together while credits rolled down the screen, you know.

“It’s not that it’s a stupid plan, it’s just that I don’t think that Luo Binghe would react like that,” explained Shen Qingqiu.

“Well, I don’t see you coming up with any better plans,” retorted Shen Jiu.

“We still have five years before Binghe comes out of the Endless Abyss, Shen Jiu,” reminded Shen Qingqiu gently. “You don’t need to be so worried about me.”

“Who’s worried about you, body thief?” snapped Shen Jiu. “I’m worried about me. If you get imprisoned in the Water Prison when the beast invades Cang Qiong, what will happen to me? Everybody else will be too busy trying to save themselves to bother with one brat who isn’t related to any of them.”

Shen Qingqiu tried to comfort him. “Binghe won’t hurt you. Even at his worst, he never hurt kids.”

Shen Jiu snorted in disbelief. “Body thief, you just told me the other day about how the beast ordered an entire city massacred with not even the stray dogs being spared. And you still think that he’ll spare me?”

He still didn’t think Binghe would hurt the original goods. Or rather, he wouldn’t hurt “Yuan-er”. But Shen Qingqiu had to acknowledge that yes, Luo Binghe’s soldiers wouldn’t have a problem with murdering a child. Still, he believed that he knew how to ensure Shen Jiu’s protection. And if a certain someone agreed to it, then he’d be saving two people at one go. All he needed to do was ask.

_____________________________________________

Yue Qingyuan was just going through the recommendations for Bai Zhan Peak’s new budget from An Ding when a knock came on his door.

“Come in,” he called.

The door opened and Shen Qingqiu walked in. It was still too early for the paperwork to be handed in, so his shidi must be wanting another mission off the mountain. It was a bit surprising that he wanted to go on a mission so soon after his trip off the mountain with Shang Qinghua, but if it made him feel better, then Yue Qingyuan would gladly give him one.

“Ah, Qingqiu-shidi, if you give me a moment, I’m sure that I can lay my hands on a mission for you,” said Yue Qingyuan.

He was about to reach out to the tray containing all the mission scrolls for the sect when Shen Qingqiu waved him off.

“That won’t be necessary, Zhangmen-shixiong,” he told him. “I came here for another reason.”

Yue Qingyuan slowly took his hand back. “What is it, shidi?”

Shen Qingqiu approached his desk. “Shixiong, can I ask you for two favours?” he asked.

“Of course,” replied Yue Qingyuan warmly.

As if there was much he could deny his Xiao-Jiu.

Shen Qingqiu hesitated for a moment and then visibly steeled himself. “If anything ever happens to me, would you take in Yuan-er and raise him as your own?”

Yue Qingyuan’s heart clenched. Ah, it was understandable that his Xiao-Jiu would be worried about what would happen to his precious child if he died, what with the poison of Without-A-Cure still flowing through his veins. Even Mu Qingfang’s medicines couldn’t save him if he just so happened to get a blockage in his circulating spiritual power while in the midst of a fight.

“Of course I’ll look after your son if the worst should come to pass, shidi,” said Yue Qingyuan gently. “You needn’t worry.”

He hoped to all the gods that it wouldn’t come to pass though.

“Thank you, Zhangmen-shixiong,” replied Shen Qingqiu. “The second favour I want to ask is that if the choice is between coming to my rescue and Yuan-er’s wellbeing, please choose Yuan-er.”

That made Yue Qingyuan’s eyes go wide. “Qingqiu-shidi, no!”

He had already failed Xiao-Jiu once. If he ever fell into danger again, how could Yue Qingyuan not go to his aid?

Shen Qingqiu slammed his hands down on Yue Qingqyuan’s desk and narrowed his eyes at him. “I am a grown man! If I’m ever in danger, I can get myself out of it.” His eyes then softened. “But Yuan-er is just a little boy. Who will protect him if I’m gone?”

Yue Qingyuan’s clenched again. Ah, Xiao-Jiu. You really do love this child of yours, don’t you?

Shen Qingqiu was looking at him so beseechingly that Yue Qingyuan could not find it in himself to deny his Xiao-Jiu this one request. No matter how much it hurt him.

He managed to give his shidi a smile. “If that is what you want, Qingqiu-shidi, then I promise to choose Yuan-er.”

Shen Qingqiu’s shoulders slumped in relief. “Thank you so much, Zhangmen-shixiong.”

Yue Qingyuan reached out slowly, giving Shen Qingqiu time to pull away if he wanted to, and gingerly patted one of Shen Qingqiu’s hands.

“You’re welcome, shidi,” he told him.

Gods, he hoped that he would never have to make that decision.

Chapter Text

“Body thief, what was your homeworld like?” asked Shen Jiu suddenly as Shen Qingqiu was working on the paperwork.

Shen Qingqiu’s brush abruptly jerked across the surface of the paper, smearing it with ink. “Eh?”

Shen Jiu gave him an exasperated look. “Body thief, I’m not stupid. You said before that you’re also from China, but the rat claimed that you’re from the same homeland. The ‘Proud Immortal Demon Way’ story that you told me about seems to be an alternate universe of our world, ergo that means that you’re from a different world yourself.”

Shen Jiu rested his hands on Shen Qingqiu’s knee as he looked up at him. “So, what was it like?”

What was it like, huh? Shen Qingqiu knew now that it was safe to tell him since the System couldn’t see Shen Jiu, but how could he explain modern China to a person whose world was more ancient China, only with magic.

“It’s very different from here,” started Shen Qingqiu. “My world doesn’t have cultivation sects or demons or cool monsters or even spiritual energy. Just technology.”

Shen Jiu nodded haltingly. “It must’ve been a huge surprise then to die and end up here.”

Shen Qingqiu shook his head. “Not really. There’s plenty of literature in my world about this sort of thing happening. Transmigration, we call it. Someone dies, and they somehow end up in the world of a book they’ve been reading, or a - a play they watched.”

Shen Qingqiu thought back to those novels and their low-IQ protagonists and had to snort. “In a lot of those stories, the main characters were so dumb. They’d wake up and go ‘oh, am I on a theatre set? Are you guys actors? Wow, these props sure look realistic.’ I swore to myself that if I ever transmigrated, I wouldn’t ever say dumb shit like that.”

He leaned back in his chair. “Of course, those protagonists never ended up in the body of the villain. They always ended up in the main character’s body or a side character. And their Systems actually helped them. They could purchase a useful item from the System, or have their skills upgraded by it, or the System would give them advice whenever needed. But what did I get from my System? Jackshit! My System’s the complete opposite of helpful! It’s fucking propaganda, that’s what it is!”

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “Oh well, at least I didn’t get done in by Truck-kun. That would’ve been so cliche.”

“What’s a ‘trukkun’?” asked Shen Jiu.

Oh right, of course he wouldn’t know.

“You see, in my world, instead of using swords and horses for transportation, we use horseless mechanical carriages,” explained Shen Qingqiu. “A truck is a larger mechanical carriage used to transport goods from one place to another. In a lot of transmigration stories, the protagonist ends up getting hit by a truck, dies and then ends up in another world. It’s such a common trope that readers have affectionately referred to said vehicle as ‘Truck-kun’.”

Shen Jiu tilted his head to one side. “I… see.”

Shen Qingqiu snuck a peek at his System. Yup, still in hibernation mode. Still, he wasn’t going to take any chances, so he picked up Shen Jiu and set him in his lap. He then shoved his paperwork to one side in favour of sketching paper and used the original goods’ art skills to sketch out a truck. For comparison purposes, he drew a human figure next to it.

“This is a truck, and this is how big they are compared to an ordinary human,” explained Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Jiu touched the picture of the truck curiously. “No wonder why people die when they get hit by it,” he remarked. He then looked up at Shen Qingqiu. “So what does a regular horseless mechanical carriage look like?”

Shen Qingqiu obediently drew a car for him. “We call such carriages ‘cars’. They run on petrol, which is a type of oil. There’s a steering wheel inside which people use to steer left or right, and there’s also two pedals on the driver’s side, which people can use to either brake, slow down or accelerate. Cars also come with an air-conditioning system, which is a machine used to create cool air inside, and a heater which creates warm air during colder seasons.”

Ah, air-conditioning. He never thought about how much he would miss it until his first summer on Qing Jing Peak without it. At least they still had access to shaved ice. And as for the cold, apparently cultivators could use spiritual energy to warm themselves. And for the house, one could use talismans in place of indoor heating.

“Amazing,” breathed Shen Jiu, eyes fixated on his drawing. “Show me more of your world.”

Shen Qingqiu obediently drew him a landscape of Beijing and then a sketch of his old condominium. He also drew figures in street clothes as well.

“And this,” continued Shen Qingqiu as he drew an airplane, “is an airplane. It’s a type of flying carriage that people can use to fly all over the world. It can carry anywhere from 50 to 600 people depending on how big it is. As they fly, they leave behind line-shaped clouds which are caused by engine exhaust or changes in air pressure.”

“Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky,” murmured Shen Jiu.

Shen Qingqiu scowled at the reminder of that shitty author’s username. “His username is actually a masturbation joke, you know.”

Shen Jiu raised his eyebrows. “And ‘Peerless Cucumber’ isn’t a dick joke?”

Shen Qingqiu coloured faintly. “That’s completely different!”

Shen Jiu’s eyebrows raised even further, but he chose not to comment. Instead, he asked, “So what are the things that you miss about your world?”

God, there were so many things that Shen Qingqiu missed about his old world. He didn’t really want to go back – at least here, he got to be useful and do things for a change instead of sitting in his room and reading online novels all day with the occasional anime thrown in every now and then.

“Toilet paper, indoor plumbing in places other than the Peak Lord residences and a few other places, air-conditioning, my phone, all the other online novels that I was reading and now will never know the endings to, anime,” listed Shen Qingqiu. “As for food, I miss snacking on latiao while I read. I also miss pizza, coffee, coke, chocolate cake and–”

The original goods turned around and grabbed onto the front of his robes, interrupting his soliloquy. “You have enough chocolate in your world to make cake with?!”

Oh right, chocolate was a rare delicacy in this world.

“Not only do we have enough chocolate to bake a cake with, chocolate is so common in my world that anyone can just buy a bar in the shop nearest to them,” informed Shen Qingqiu.

“You can get chocolate in any shop?!” screeched Shen Jiu, shaking Shen Qingqiu by his robes. Well, it was more like trying to shake Shen Qingqiu by the robes, but he got the sentiment. “I want to go to your world now,” declared Shen Jiu.

Shen Qingqiu patted him on the head. “Sorry, but I don’t know a way back,” he admitted. “Other than dying and hoping that a System might throw you into my old world, of course.”

Shen Jiu snorted. “Figures.” He then poked Shen Qingqiu. “You didn’t mention your family. Don’t you miss them?”

“Of course I miss them,” replied Shen Qingqiu. There were a few things he regretted and not getting to say goodbye to his family was one of them.

“What were they like?” asked the original goods. “Other than being rich.”

“Nice. We weren’t a physically affectionate bunch, but we did love each other,” answered Shen Qingqiu. “My parents own a successful company, and I have two older brothers and a younger sister. My brothers work for our parents and my little sister is still in university - that’s an academy for higher education, by the way.”

Shen Qingqiu frowned. “Though… if the marching of time is the same in both worlds, then my sister has likely graduated by now and is working her dream job as a fashion designer.”

“They must be missing you a lot,” noted Shen Jiu.

“Oh, I’m sure they’re fine,” replied Shen Qingqiu airily.

The original goods narrowed his eyes at him. “You don’t think that your nice, loving family misses you?”

Shen Qingqiu waved his hands frantically. “That’s not what I said! I just meant that they must have mourned me for a while and then went back to living their lives. Because that’s what you do when people die: you grieve them for a while and then get back to life. Besides, it’s not as if I was that important anyway.”

It was true. Of all his siblings, Shen Yuan was the most expendable. Both his brothers worked hard for their parents’ company and Da-ge was engaged to boot. Also his brothers were very close, what with them being fraternal twins, and one would certainly be devastated if the other died. As for Meimei, the youngest and only girl, she was doted on and spoiled by their entire family. Everyone would be inconsolable if she had been the one to die.

Shen Jiu tugged on his robes again. “What do you mean by that?”

Shen Qingqiu scratched his cheek. “Well, I was the family layabout. I went to one of the universities my parents wanted me to go to, did the course they wanted and graduated on time. But after graduating, I realised that I didn’t want to do any of the jobs my degree allowed me to do.”

He looked up at the ceiling. “I could have gotten a job at my family’s company like my brothers. I could have gotten a job elsewhere - my parents would certainly pull strings if I wanted to work somewhere else. But I didn’t want that either. Luckily for me, my parents allowed me to take a year to figure out what I really wanted to do. They even gave me money and paid for my condominium too. But instead of doing that, I just sat in my room and read almost all day. All my friends were working and living their lives while I was just sitting there, waiting to die. And then I did die and ended up here. And that’s pretty much my life.”

The original goods frowned. “Why didn’t you go out and teach? You like teaching. And you’re good at it too.”

“You have to go to a teachers college to be able to teach,” answered Shen Qingqiu gently. “A teachers college is a special institution dedicated to teaching people how to teach, by the way. And I didn’t go to one, therefore I couldn’t teach.”

Shen Jiu stared at him. “Your world has a specific institution just to teach people how to teach?”

“Yup,” said Shen Qingqiu. He tapped the original goods on the forehead. “Which is something that you could have done with.”

The original goods rubbed his forehead. “Never liked teaching anyway,” he grumbled.

Just then, there was a knock on the door and Shang Qinghua entered the bamboo house. “Cucumber-bro, we really need to look for a place to grow our little mushrooms,” he said.

The original goods jumped down from his lap and immediately made a beeline towards Shang Qinghua.

“Hi there, Shen-shixiong,” greeted Shang Qinghua. “So how have thi– ow, what the fuck?!”

Yup, his scum villain son had bitten the Great God Airplane once again. You’d think Shang Qinghua would have learned his lesson from last time.

Shen Qingqiu pulled Shen Jiu off Shang Qinghua. “Next time, try to dodge,” he advised Shang Qinghua.

Shang Qinghua massaged his bitten hand and glared at Shen Jiu. “I shouldn’t have to dodge a toddler. Let alone a grown man who should know better than to bite people.”

The original goods snapped his teeth at him in response.

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “Alright, you’ve fulfilled your quota of biting Shang Qinghua. Now, behave,” he told Shen Jiu. “We still need him to grow the backup bodies.”

The original goods growled, but nodded reluctantly.

Shen Qingqiu looked at Shang Qinghua. “You’re right, Airplane. I’ll get my maps out and we can search for the best area to grow our backup bodies together.”

There were a few suitable locations but they decided that the best area was at one of the borders of Cang Qiong Mountain. This way, they could keep visiting their little mushroom farm everyday if they wanted to.

Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua nodded to each other. Yes, they could definitely pull this off together.

________________________________________

Shen Jiu sat down next to his favourite cold pool with Miss Kitty in his arms. He rarely got a chance to be alone here. Being a toddler meant that there was almost always someone watching over him. Even now, he had managed to eke out this solitude by playing hide-and-seek with Ming Fan, who was likely still in hiding somewhere, waiting for “Yuan-er” to find him. Gods, he couldn’t wait to be an adult once again.

He stared down at the water, watching the ripples as he thought about the world that the body thief had sketched for him. The drawings that he then had to burn lest someone else see them. It was China, but a China so alien, what with its too-tall buildings,strange metal carriages and odd streets, that Shen Jiu wouldn’t have batted an eye had the body thief drawn it populated by giant octopi. But no, it was just populated by regular humans clad in odd clothes.

When the body thief had told him about reading ten thousand word chapters of Proud Immortal Demon Way, Shen Jiu had envisioned him picking out the latest installations from his nearest book shop, but the truth had turned out to be far stranger than Shen Jiu could have imagined.

Apparently the body thief and rat’s homeworld had another invisible world overlaying it called the “world-wide web”, which was a huge ocean of information that one could access via something called the “Internet connection”, and this was something that everyone in their homeworld could do. Even if you were too poor to own a “phone”, you could simply go to the nearest library and access it for free. Free!

This “world-wide web” had thousands of “websites”, which were akin to islands in the sea and one could look for them via another thing called a “search engine”. These “websites” could contain anything from books to plays to music to pornography to etcetera etcetera.

Anyway, when it came to the rat, instead of sending his latest chapter of badly-written trash to a printer to make copies of and then distributing it to bookshops all over the country, the rat cut out all these costs by using the world-wide web. The rat would apparently write his chapter out using a “laptop” and via his Internet connection, would simply send his latest chapter to a website which allowed people to publish their books there. Those who wished to read more of the rat’s doggerel would simply navigate their way to the website and then pay a certain amount of money in order to get the latest chapter. It was a rather brilliant setup, in Shen Jiu’s opinion. There were probably printers and bookshops gnashing their teeth over all the lost income in their homeworld.

The phone. Now, that was another amazing invention of the body thief’s homeworld. This “phone” could apparently allow two people to talk to each other face-to-face immediately, even if they were on opposite sides of the world. The phone allowed one to send and receive letters almost immediately. It could also store books. Shen Jiu’s jaw had nearly dropped to the floor when the body thief had casually informed him that his old phone had contained nearly two hundred books in it. Nearly two hundred books in a thing that weighed less than a jin! And that wasn’t all a phone could do. It could also play hundreds of your favourite songs, so perfectly that if you closed your eyes, you could imagine the singer and musicians were playing right in your room. It could take instant pictures of your surroundings and make recordings like the crystals used in Immortal Alliance Conferences, only better because you could then replay it as many times as you liked. You could watch plays on it. You could use it like a night pearl or an abacus or to tell time. You could even play games on it, though Shen Jiu still wasn’t entirely sure what a “Candy Crush” was. Such a thing would be worth over a thousand spirit stones in their world. But what was the most mind-boggling thing about it was that almost everyone in the body thief’s homeworld could buy a phone. They were just that affordable. Shen Jiu simply couldn’t understand it!

The concept of transmigration was another odd thing, though his body thief father insisted that it was seen as fictional in their world and no, people were definitely not jumping out in front of trucks in the hopes of getting transmigrated into their favourite novel. The “System” as the rat and body thief called it, was definitely some sort of god though. A god that took souls from one world and threw them into another for sheer amusement. Shen Jiu still didn’t know how to get rid of it. How would one fight a god anyway?

Moving on to matters close to hand, no one had tried to steal the position of Peak Lord away from the body thief. Shen Jiu would have thought that what with his newfound softness, eternal grieving over the beast and his trips away from the sect, someone would have made a move by now, but no one had. It probably helped that most people believed that Mu Qingfang had cured the body thief of Without-A-Cure, but still.

Either everyone liked the body thief far too much to even think of supplanting him, or Shen Jiu had simply been wrong about people wanting to take his position away from him.

…It was more likely the former than the latter. Which was a good thing because the body thief was so trusting that he wouldn’t have seen the backstabbing coming. Lucky him.

“There you are,” called Ning Yingying, as she emerged from the forest. “Naughty boy, Yuan-er. Ming-shixiong is very worried looking for you, you know.”

Shen Jiu put on his most innocent face. “Ming-gege hides very well. Yuan-er was looking for him but got lost.”

Ning Yingying immediately believed him. “Awww, poor Yuan-er. You must’ve been very scared, weren’t you?” she cooed.

Shen Jiu nodded meekly, looking down at the ground as he clutched his stuffed cat to his chest.

Ning Yingying walked over to him and picked him up. “Now come, let’s go home. Everyone is very worried about you.”

Shen Jiu sighed. No doubt he’d be getting a scolding from his body thief father for running off and he’d probably be made to apologise to Ming Fan for abandoning him as well. Such was his current life.

________________________________________

Growing the Sun and Moon Dew Mushrooms, or going by its nickname, Flesh Seeds, turned out to be a lot harder than Shen Qingqiu thought. He had ruined several sprouts before he finally grew one that wasn’t crooked. Of course it would still take time for them to ripen, but they should be ready by the time Luo Binghe came out of the Endless Abyss. And then, even if Luo Binghe killed him, his soul would simply enter the prepared body that he based on his old appearance, and he could travel the world of PIDW in peace.

“We look enough alike to be brothers,” noted the original goods as he peered at the drawing Shen Qingqiu had made of his old self.

“No, we don’t,” refuted Shen Qingqiu. “We only look about 30-40% similar. It’s a total coincidence.”

Both Shen Jiu and Shang Qinghua exchanged looks, but didn’t argue with him. Because he was absolutely right. End of story.

The original goods had insisted on being allowed to check on the Flesh Seeds daily. In fact, he made so much of a fuss about it that on one of his missions, Shen Qingqiu went out of his way to get a short-range transportation amulet for him. The To-And-Fro amulet allowed its wearer to jump between two locations once a day. It was meant to go to one of Luo Binghe’s many enemies, so Shen Qingqiu had zero issue with grabbing it for the original goods. He keyed the locations to the bamboo house and the secret mushroom garden before he handed it to Shen Jiu, who barely muttered a thanks after grabbing it.

The original goods never warmed to Shang Qinghua and in fact, would try to bite and insult him at every opportunity. Shen Qingqiu didn’t mind this - he thought that everyone in this world had the right to bite their creator. He did, however, draw the line at stabbing.

“No stabbing Shang Qinghua,” he scolded as he wrested the pair of scissors away from his scum villain son.

“I was only going to stab him a little,” protested Shen Jiu. “He won’t die if I stab him a few times anyway.”

“That doesn’t mean that I want to get stabbed,” yelled Shang Qinghua from his hiding place behind Shen Qingqiu’s back.

Shen Qingqiu immediately rounded on him. “You’re another one! Regardless of his feelings for you, he is currently only three! It’s not that hard to stop him from biting you, so why must you run and hide behind me? It’s not like he can actually kill you.”

If looks could kill, Shang Qinghua would have been dead on the floor multiple times already. But honestly, Luo Binghe had lived under the same roof as the original goods for over a year and he certainly hadn’t dropped dead in all that time. The great god Airplane could certainly manage!

Shang Qinghua quivered. “But he’s still scary!”

“He’s three,” Shen Qingqiu pointed out.

“Well, kids are scary,” shot back Shang Qinghua.

Shen Qingqiu sighed. Shang Qinghua was a Peak Lord himself, so why did he have to be so pathetic? It only made Shen Qingqiu feel a bit sorry for him and feed him extra snacks. Still, it was always a relief whenever he left because then Shen Qingqiu could stop playing peacemaker between these two. Sigh.

Time continued to pass. One day, after returning from a mission and dismissing Ming Fan from his babysitting, the original goods approached him with a scroll.

“What’s this?” he asked as he accepted the scroll.

“We have three thousand spirit stones languishing away in the vault. It’s past time to put them to good use,” replied Shen Jiu.

Shen Qingqiu unfurled the scroll. The first item on the list made him pause and raise an eyebrow at the original goods.

“A new room to be added to the bamboo house along with a bed?” he asked dryly.

Shen Jiu folded his arms. “I’m getting too big for baby jail and since you’re definitely not going to be getting rid of the beast’s things anytime soon, it’ll have to be a new room and bed for me.”

Eh, he had a point there. He was nearly four now, after all.

Shen Qingqiu scanned the list. Upkeep and a more complete maintenance of all the buildings on the peak, renovation of the lecture hall, new musical instruments to be bought, more books for the library, a replenishment of all their art supplies with extra stock to boot, and–

“Renovation of the female disciples’ bathhouse?” he questioned

“It’s far past time that it got a renovation,” declared the original goods.

“Ning Yingying is currently the only female disciple,” pointed out Shen Qingqiu.

“And she deserves the best.”

“And what about the boys?”

“What about them?”

Shen Qingqiu rolled the scroll back up. “You are so fucking biased.”

Shen Jiu’s jaw dropped. “I’m biased?! You’re one to talk! Tell me, which of us brought a disciple into our home and doted on them like a favoured child?”

“That’s different!” snapped Shen Qingqiu. “I was just making up for all the things you did to him and trying to improve my chances of survival!”

Shen Jiu raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? Then how do you explain throwing yourself in front of him against that demon with the Without-A-Cure poison?”

Shen Qingqiu gasped. “How did you find out?”

“Ming Fan told me,” said the original goods.

Goddamnit, Ming Fan.

He then marched over to Shen Qingqiu and kicked him in the shins over and over. “I can’t believe that you got my old body poisoned for the beast. The beast! Who didn’t even need it because he’s half-Heavenly Demon! Heavenly Demons are immune to such demonic poisons, and you know it! You got my old body poisoned for nothing!”

“Okay, okay, calm down,” said Shen Qingqiu hastily. “Haven’t we gone over this matter before?”

“That was before I knew that it was for the beast’s sake!” snapped Shen Jiu as he continued to kick Shen Qingqiu. “And that he didn’t even need your protection!”

Shen Qingqiu sighed and decided to let the original goods kick him until he got tired of it. Finally after a few more kicks, Shen Jiu stopped.

“The only good thing about this is that you’re the one who has to live with the consequences of your actions. Not me,” he grumbled.

“Yes, yes,” replied Shen Qingqiu.

He looked down at the scroll Shen Jiu had given him. “I’m going to add renovating the male disciples’ bathhouse to the list.”

Shen Jiu folded his arms again. “Do as you like.”

Of course, they then had to discuss the logistics of renovating the bathhouses. They both agree that the bathhouses had to be renovated one by one and that Ning Yingying certainly could not use the male disciples’ bathhouse while the female one was being renovated lest she be spied on by the other disciples. However, they both disagreed on the management of said issue. The original goods insisted that they allow Ning Yingying to use their own bathroom, but Shen Qingqiu didn’t want anyone claiming that he was perving on her. In the end, it was decided that Ning Yingying use the bathroom of one of the female hall masters while the bathhouse was renovated.

Of course, while the renovations were going on, Shen Qingqiu’s own house was undergoing the construction of another room. At this rate, it would likely be completed just in time for the original goods’ fourth birthday. Yes, that along with a new bed, would make it the perfect birthday gift.

In a fit of mischief, during a Peak Lord meeting, Shen Qingqiu informed all his martial siblings about how excited his little son was to get his own bedroom and a “big boy’s bed”. Which of course led to all his martial siblings cooing over the original goods and asking him if he was looking forward to finally getting to sleep in a “big boy’s bed”. Outwardly, Shen Qingqiu appeared as calm as ever, but internally he was laughing up a storm to see Shen Jiu’s eye twitch as he played the part of a cute child excited to be growing up.

“I swear,” muttered Shen Jiu as they walked on the rainbow bridge together, “if I have one more person asking me about my “big boy’s bed”, I will–”

“Ah, Yuan-er. Are you looking forward to getting your big boy’s bed?”

Shen Jiu let out an unholy shriek and threw himself at Yue Qingyuan, biting at his hands. Shen Qingqiu repressed a groan. His poor, unlucky shixiong. Shen Qingqiu pulled the original goods away from Yue Qingyuan, apologised to him and dragged his scum villain son off to be put in baby jail for a while.

Finally, the new room was complete. Shen Qingqiu had the new bed he had bought from An Ding Peak along with the original goods’ dresser installed into the new room. The bed came with a nice, soft mattress, two feather pillows and a warm blanket. Shen Qingqiu also arranged all of Shen Jiu’s increasingly large collection of toys, thanks to a certain sect leader, in his new room.

(He had once lightly chided Yue Qingyuan for buying his child so many toys, but his shixiong had countered with the fact that as an uncle, it was now his duty to spoil his nephew. Ugh. Baby fever.)

Of course, this meant that the crib had to be put away. Shen Qingqiu ordered two of his disciples to put the crib in storage. Shen Jiu watched with glee as they carried the crib out.

“So long, baby jail!” he cackled as he waved goodbye to the crib. “I shan’t miss you one bit!”

“Are you happy with your new room?” Shen Qingqiu asked him.

Shen Jiu nodded. “Finally I get to sleep in a proper bed! And no more being put in baby jail!”

(Later on, Shen Qingqiu had to introduce the original goods to the concept of time-out. But that was another story altogether).

For Shen Jiu’s fourth birthday, recalling how the original goods insisted that he didn’t want a big party, Shen Qingqiu only invited Ming Fan, Ning Yingying and Yue Qingyuan over. He had gotten a nice steamed sponge cake from a bakery in the nearest town for the occasion. The baker had made it far too big for just five people to share, but they could always either save the leftovers or hand them out to the other disciples. He had some tiny candles made and had taught Ning Yingying and Ming Fan the “Happy Birthday” song, claiming that he had heard it in a village on his travels. Perhaps he should have done this for Shen Jiu’s last birthday, but back then, he’d been worried that the classic birthday traditions would be seen as too odd here in PIDW. But now it was going to be just three extra people, so it should be fine.

All the preparations were complete for the small birthday party. Shen Qingqiu nodded to himself as he arranged the birthday cake on the table. Yes, perfect.

There was a knock at the door. Ah, Zhangmen-shixiong must be here already. Shen Qingqiu opened the door to see Yue Qingyuan - along with several of their martial siblings behind him.

Yue Qingyuan gave him a sheepish smile. “Some of our martial siblings wanted to wish Yuan-er a Happy Birthday too.”

Shen Qingqiu repressed a groan. It looked like the novelty of there being a little child in the sect hadn’t worn off yet, but it would be too rude to shoo his martial siblings away, so he stepped aside and invited them in. Once they were in, his martial siblings immediately crowded around the original goods, cooing over him and pinching his cheeks.

“Happy birthday, Yuan-er!”

“How’s the birthday boy?”

“Yuan-er, Aunty Yong has brought you a present!”

“Ah, Yuan-er is looking so adorable in his new robes! Did your baba buy them for you?”

Shen Qingqiu immediately rescued him before any biting happened. He picked up the original goods and held him in his arms. Shen Jiu promptly buried his face in Shen Qingqiu’s robes.

“Ah, he’s still so shy around us even after two years,” remarked Qi Qingqi.

The birthday boy in question would have bitten her had Shen Qingqiu been five seconds too slow to grab him. As it was, he was probably using up all his self-control to not spit insults at all his ex-martial siblings.

Ming Fan and Ning Yingying then walked in. Ming Fan took one look at the crowd, went, “Shizun, I’ll go get the kitchens to make more food” and darted off. Ah, he was such a competent disciple in matters like this.

Ning Yingying approached Shen Qingqiu and Shen Jiu with a kite in her hands. “Happy birthday, Yuan-er. I bought a present for you.”

Shen Jiu pulled away from Shen Qingqiu’s robes and politely thanked Ning Yingying for the kite.

“I’ll show you how to fly the kite tomorrow, alright?” promised Ning Yingying.

“Alright,” echoed Shen Jiu.

Shen Qingqiu’s martial siblings had brought “Yuan-er” an assortment of children’s story books, toys and from Liu Qingge, another wooden sword. Yue Qingyuan on the other hand, had brought three child-sized fans for him. Considering that people didn’t make fans for little children, his baby-fever-crazy shixiong must have specially commissioned them for the original goods. And these fans looked like high-quality fans too. Ah shixiong, you’re lucky that Yuan-er isn’t an ordinary child, or else your expensive gifts would all be quickly lost somewhere!

Of all the gifts, the fans were Shen Jiu’s favourite and he actually thanked Yue Qingyuan with a pleased smile on his face.

After dinner was eaten, Shen Qingqiu lit the candles on the birthday cake with a burst of spiritual energy and led his disciples and martial siblings in singing the “Happy Birthday” song. Meanwhile, the original goods stood in front of the cake with an expression of mixed annoyance and pleasure as they sang.

Once the song was over, Shen Qingqiu advised, “And now you have to make a wish and then blow out the candles. They say that if you blow out all the candles on the first try, your wish will come true.”

Shen Jiu gave him a sceptical look, but paused for a moment and then blew out all the candles on his first try. Everyone applauded and Shen Qingqiu cut the cake into pieces for everyone. It turned out to be a good thing that the cake was big because now there was just enough for everyone.

Much like his last birthday party, Shen Jiu stuck close to Ning Yingying and Ming Fan, hiding behind Shen Qingqiu’s robes whenever his ex-martial siblings tried to approach him. Shen Qingqiu kept an eye out, but Shen Jiu wasn’t the least bit nasty towards Yue Qingyuan today. He must be very pleased about the new fans to not even attempt to bite Yue Qingyuan. Shen Qingqiu had already given up checking Yue Qingyuan for new bites after a babysitting session. Don’t get him wrong, he’d still step in whenever he saw Shen Jiu bite him - he’s just stopped looking for bite marks.

Two years had gone by and Shen Qingqiu still didn’t know what their Shared Backstory was. He could have asked Shang Qinghua for the details. His Airplane-bro would definitely tell him if he asked. But for some reason, asking him felt like peeking into someone’s private diary, so he refrained from doing so.

Finally, his martial siblings left. Both Ning Yingying and Ming Fan helped him clean up and wash the dishes. Once they too had left, the original goods came up to him and pinched him hard.

“Ow!” yelped Shen Qingqiu.

“Why did you invite my martial siblings over again?” hissed Shen Jiu. “Didn’t I say on my last birthday that I wanted a small party?”

“They invited themselves over, what was I to do?” complained Shen Qingqiu as he rubbed his arm.

Shen Jiu cocked his head to one side. “Send them away?”

“That would have been rude,” retorted Shen Qingqiu.

“You’re far too nice for your own good,” the original goods told him with a yawn.

“Yes, yes,” sighed Shen Qingqiu. “Now come, it’s time for bed.”

Shen Jiu grumbled a bit, but allowed him to lead him to his own bedroom and tuck him in.

“Goodnight, original goods,” said Shen Qingqiu.

“Goodnight, baba,” replied Shen Jiu.

Shen Qingqiu smiled at him and closed the bedroom door behind him. Time for him to go to sleep as well.

________________________________________________

Shen Jiu was now five years old again. Bigger, taller and stronger. His fine motor skills had much improved compared to when he was a toddler, he didn’t need naps any more and his child body had matured enough that a little bit of frustration wasn’t going to send him into tantrums or bouts of weeping. Of course, people still treated him like a little child, but at least they weren’t baby-talking him or trying to pick him up any more.

Picking up his old skills in art and music was still more slow-going than he liked. Shen Jiu might have the knowledge in his head, but training his hands again was harder than he thought.

His body-thief baba insisted on teaching him some simple songs to play on the qin and erhu. Odd songs that must have come from his world, like “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”, the Happy Birthday song, “Two Tigers” and “Good Little Bunnies”. It was all very strange for Shen Jiu. In his first life, when he had first started playing, he had been immediately thrown into the deep pool and expected to keep up with the other disciples. It had been extremely difficult and Shen Jiu had spent many hours on the musical instruments, sometimes to the point of his fingertips bleeding, but he had persevered nonetheless.

He hated to admit it, but learning how to play these simple songs and then progressing from there was much easier than starting out on a complicated piece. Perhaps it was because this body was still a child’s one?

Today was Ning Yingying’s turn to babysit. She must have been talking to the maidens of Xian Shu Peak recently because she had branched out from trying hairstyles out on him to bringing him clothes in his size and insisting that he try them out. Shen Jiu being older now meant that he could put on the clothes himself without any help so he didn’t see why he shouldn’t indulge her. After he tried out the clothes, Ning Yingying would coo over how adorable he was and then order him to sit while she painted him.

Shen Jiu watched her fondly as she drew him. Ah, Ning Yingying. She had matured from an excitable child to a bright, responsible young woman. With the beast gone, she had taken up his old responsibilities and carried them out perfectly. She was also one of the few that the body thief trusted with the supervision of the peak in his absence. She might never be the best swordswoman or the most talented cultivator, but no one could say that she wasn’t competent in all her duties. He was so very proud at how much she had grown - even if he had no hand in it. If he could help her improve her art by modelling and posing for her, even if it was by a little bit, he would do it.

Just then, the body thief walked in, finally back from another mission. “I’m home,” he called.

“Baba,” chirped Shen Jiu, keeping to his role of loving son. He would have gone over to greet the body thief had he not been posing for Ning Yingying. He had to keep up the pretence, after all. It was definitely not that he had been missing the body thief when he was away, not at all.

Ning Yingying looked up from her painting. “Shizun, welcome back.”

She would have gotten up from her seat to greet him properly had not the body thief gestured that she could stay put. He then approached to see what she was painting.

“Ning Yingying, this is wonderful!” enthused the body thief. “I do think however, that you could improve it by–”

Shen Jiu tuned him out in favour of scratching an itch on his leg. Ning Yingying must be almost done because she didn’t ask him to go back to his previous pose. True enough, after nearly a quarter of a shichen, Ning Yingying announced that she was finally done with her painting.

“Let me see,” demanded Shen Jiu as he ran towards her.

Ning Yinying showed him her painting. It was an excellent painting of him sitting on a chair. She really had improved so much in her art.

Shen Jiu clapped his hands. “Wow, Ning-jiejie is so smart! Yuan-er likes this painting!”

She beamed at him and patted him on the head. “Thank you, Yuan-er. And now, I have to go. We’ll play again some other time, alright?”

Shen Jiu nodded. Ning Yingying packed up her painting and art supplies, bowed to the body thief and then left.

Once Ning Yingying was out of sight, the body thief remarked, “She’s gotten plump and pretty.”

Shen Jiu thought that it was good that Ning Yingying had gotten some meat on her bones, but why did the body thief sound almost offended by this?

“What’s wrong with that?” he asked.

The body thief shook his head. “Nothing. It’s just that she’s supposed to be broken-hearted, suffering years of sleepless nights and growing thin from barely being able to choke down food in her grief.”

That description sounded closer to a certain idiotic father rather than the Ning Yingying of this world.

“Isn’t that how mourning someone is supposed to go?” inquired Shen Jiu. “You grieve for someone for a while and then you move on with your life.”

“But it’s Binghe!” exclaimed the body thief

Shen Jiu didn’t give a damn about the wretched beast, especially now that he knew what destruction the beast was going to cause in the future. He decided to change the subject. “So how did your mission go?”

The body thief sat down in the chair that Shen Jiu had just vacated. “It turned out that the missing men had been kidnapped by succubi. Liu Qingge and I went to their cave to demand their return. And guess what? Madam Meiyin, the famous romance fortune-teller was there!”

Knowing the body thief… “You asked her to tell your fortune, didn’t you?”

The body thief nodded. “You wouldn’t believe it, but Liu Qingge also seemed very interested in my fortune.”

He bet the brute was.

“So, what did she say about your future love?” asked Shen Jiu, curious despite himself.

“Apparently my future love has outstanding talent, excellent spiritual power, an illustrious status, a noble bloodline, is younger than me and is truly devoted to me,” replied the body thief.

“...”

The body thief threw up his hands. “Yeah, I find it hard to believe too. Any woman like that would surely go to Luo Binghe.”

Shen Jiu seriously doubted it, but he wasn’t going to fight with the body thief over it. Again.

The body thief tapped his chin. “You know, the funny thing was that Liu Qingge was so upset about my romantic fortune that he got into a fight with Madam Meiyin.”

Of course he did. The brute likely thought that the succubus was talking about him and got upset that his lusting over his shixiong had been revealed. Luckily, the body thief was too dense to realise this. Shen Jiu could only hope that the brute wouldn’t take this to mean that he should start courting the body thief for real. He did not want that brute to be his stepfather! He’d rather die a second time than suffer that fate!

“So what happened next?” asked Shen Jiu.

“We ended up fighting with all the succubi in the caves and succeeded in driving them off. But not before one of them managed to hit Liu Qingge with her springtime medicine,” answered the body thief.

Shen Jiu stood up straight. “And then?”

“Well, I wanted to leave him alone to, you know-” the body thief made a lewd gesture “-take care of his problem by himself, but instead he grabbed on to me and started insisting that we fight to let off steam!”

To be fair to the brute, the Bai Zhan Peak’s method of dealing with aphrodisiac attacks was to channel lust into bloodlust and fight until the effects wore off.

The body thief shook his head slowly. “Honestly, I kind of pity Liu-shidi. What with Bai Zhan Peak not knowing anything other than fighting and killing all day, I don’t think he knows how to masturbate!”

Shen Jiu sneered. “I doubt that the brute knows that his cock can have any use other than to take a piss.”

“Don’t be crude,” scolded the person who was crude before him.

“Anyway,” continued the body thief, “I certainly wasn’t going to let him beat me up, so I told him not to worry, that I’d help him with his problem - and I proceeded to kick him into Madam Meiyin’s rose petal-filled bathing pool.”

Shen Jiu applauded. “Well done, body thief.”

He’d have loved to have seen that.

The body thief fanned himself. “Why thank you, original goods. That soak in the pool cured him and after that, we rescued all the captured men and returned them to their loving families and that was the end of our mission.”

He then suddenly smacked his forehead. “And I just remembered that I need to submit my mission report to Zhangmen-shixiong.”

The body thief stood up and held his hand out to Shen Jiu. “Want to come with me?”

Shen Jiu nodded and took the proffered hand. They walked together to Qiong Ding Peak. There, they found Yue Qingyuan sitting together with a middle-aged man in black and gold robes.

Shen Jiu scowled at the man. Oh, he knew this one as an arrogant toady of the Old Palace Master. Every few years, he would visit Cang Qiong Mountain Sect on his way back to Huan Hua Palace and spend almost every moment disparaging the sect and comparing it negatively to Huan Hua Palace. Shen Jiu didn’t know how Yue Qingyuan managed to hold his patience with the man. If he was the great lunk, he’d have used Xuan Su to send him flying off the mountain long ago!

Next to him, the body thief stiffened. Oh, so he had met the man before. Another annoying thing about this arrogant Huan Hua blowhard was that he fancied himself a great weiqi master and on all his visits, he would pester Shen Jiu for a match. Shen Jiu had taken great pleasure in shooting down the man and unleashing his sharp tongue on him.

The visiting cultivator smiled when he saw Shen Qingqiu. “Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu, how nice to see you again. I was thinking that it would be nice if we got to play a game of weiqi together.”

The body thief fanned himself. “How about this, sir? I’ll play weiqi with you, if you beat my son at weiqi, first.”

Shen Jiu whipped out his own child-sized fan to conceal his wicked smirk. My, my, body thief baba, how devious of you.

Shen Jiu put on his most innocent face as he looked at the Huan Hua cultivator. “Don’t worry, uncle,” he chirped. “Yuan-er promises to go easy on you.”

He had absolutely no intention of going easy on this arrogant blowhard.

The man went bright red. “Go easy on me? What sauce. Fine! I’ll beat your brat and then I’ll beat you.”

They decided to have the weiqi match in the Qiong Ding’s hall. Both board and stones were supplied by Yue Qingyuan. The visiting cultivator insisted that Shen Jiu take black, which Shen Jiu had no issue with.

The hall was quiet, with only the clacking sound of stones being put on the board to break the silence. Initially, their audience was only Yue Qingyuan, his head disciple and the body thief, but as the game progressed, more and more people came to watch them play.

This arrogant blowhard was quite good, Shen Jiu had to admit. But not as good as himself. Finally, the man had no choice but to admit defeat.

“That was a good game, uncle,” chirped Shen Jiu. “Let’s play again. This time, Yuan-er will give you a two-stone handicap. Or would uncle prefer a three-stone handicap instead?”

The arrogant blowhard was slowly going purple with rage. “Shen Qingqiu!” he roared. “I’ve indulged your brat, now let us finally fight!”

The body thief languidly fanned himself. “I think not,” he said deliberately. “If you can’t even defeat my five-year-old son, how can you be an opponent worthy of my time?”

The arrogant blowhard went more and more purple, to the point that Shen Jiu wondered if he was going to have a qi deviation in front of them. But instead, he stomped off, loudly proclaiming that he was going home and never returning. Shen Jiu resisted the urge to wave goodbye. So long, you pompous fool!

Once he was gone, many people came up to Shen Jiu to congratulate him on his victory. Much to Shen Jiu’s irritation however, a good chunk of the credit was being handed to the body thief for teaching him. In the body thief’s favour, he deflected most of the praise, insisting that a good part of it was due to “Yuan-er’s” own talent and hard work. Of course, this only made them believe that he was being modest.

Yue Qingyuan patted Shen Jiu on the head and handed him a small bag of candy. “Congratulations on your victory, Yuan-er. Uncle Yue will buy you a nicer present later, alright?”

Shen Jiu popped a candy into his mouth. Mmm, peanut candy. One of his favourite types of candy. Just for that, Yue Qingyuan would not be bitten today.

“Alright,” he agreed.

Yue Qingyuan beamed and patted him on the head again. Shen Jiu resisted the urge to sigh and allowed the man to pat him. This one time.

“Yuan-er!” called a very familiar voice.

Shen Jiu immediately fled to the safety of the body thief’s robes before Yong Qingli could pinch his cheeks. He was already five! You’d think that would stop these baby-mad idiots by now!

“I think that it’s time we went home,” decided the body thief. “It’s almost time for Yuan-er’s naptime.”

That was actually a lie, since Shen Jiu didn’t need naps anymore. But at least it got the cheek-pinchers away.

The two of them walked back home in complete silence. As soon as they closed the door of the bamboo house however, they both burst out laughing.

“Did you see the look on his face when he lost?” laughed Shen Jiu.

“I know, right?” chortled the body thief. “I really wish I could have taken a photo of it. He lost to a five-year-old! He’s never going to live that down!”

“Hopefully this means that he’ll never come back to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect,” said Shen Jiu.

“Agreed. That man is such a fucking asshole,” replied the body thief. “I don’t know how Zhangmen-shixiong puts up with it.”

“Me neither,” admitted Shen Jiu.

Ah, just thinking about that arrogant blowhard’s face when he lost made him giggle again. The giggles soon turned into hiccups.

“Let me get you a cup of water,” offered the body thief.

Shen Jiu put a hand to his mouth and nodded. The body thief smiled at him before leaving to the kitchen. Listening to the sounds of the body thief moving in the kitchen was soothing. Ah, how Shen Jiu wished that these days would last forever.

___________________________________________

Another year went by, and Shen Jiu was now six years old. Nothing had changed much in that time. The Flesh Seeds were still slowly growing, the body thief was still mourning his future torturer and they still didn’t have a plan to deal with Luo Binghe!

Shen Jiu leaned back, knocking his head against the wall, hands still on the strings of the qin. It seemed like he was the only one of the trio who was coming up with plans, but the body thief always shot him down just because he didn’t want his future tormentor hurt. It was enough to make Shen Jiu want to shake him until some sense finally came loose in his brain. How could his baba be so brilliant in other things, but be so foolishly stubborn when it came to a certain beast?

Right now, his body thief father had gone for another Peak Lord meeting. From the little Shen Jiu had heard, this one seemed rather urgent. No matter. He would pry the information out of the body thief when he returned.

And speak of the devil, the body thief was back. He nodded to Shen Jiu and started packing things into a qiankun bag.

“I’m leaving for Jinlan City today,” he announced.

Shen Jiu raised his eyebrows. “Jinlan City? Why?”

“It appears that it’s been hit by a plague. A supernatural one, by all accounts,” explained the body thief.

He swiftly relayed the information he had gotten about the situation at the meeting. “Mu Qingfang is going and Liu Qingge is going to protect him. If this plague is demonic in origin, then I can definitely help, what with my knowledge of demons.”

Shen Jiu nodded. It was true that the body thief knew a lot about demons, so he would be of use. They had two more years before Luo Binghe emerged from the Endless Abyss so the body thief should be fine. But still…

“Be careful out there,” warned Shen Jiu. “Knowing you, you’re stupid enough to get infected by this plague.”

“I will,” promised the body thief. “By the way, I’ve already talked to the usual gang to watch over you, so things should be fine here.”

Shen Jiu nodded. He watched as the body thief finally finished his packing and put his qiankun pouch in a sleeve. He pushed the qin aside and followed the body thief out but stopped at the doorway.

Shen Jiu pressed his cheek against the doorjamb as he watched the body thief take out Xiu Ya. “Promise me that you’ll come back safe.”

The body thief smiled but shook his head. “I can’t promise you that. Because that’s a flag. Anyone who says things like ‘let’s get married in our hometown’ or vows that ‘they’ll definitely come back’... it’s practically guaranteed that you’ll never see them again.”

“But–”

“So, I’ll just say this,” continued the body thief. “I’ll try to come home.”

Shen Jiu looked away. “Fine,” he muttered.

Out of the corner of his eye, Shen Jiu watched as the body thief got on his sword and flew away. He still didn’t like the fact that his body thief father was speeding towards a dangerous situation, even with the addition of Liu Qingge to protect him, but surely the System would look out for him, right? If only because the villain of the story couldn’t be allowed to die before the hero returned.

Shen Jiu gripped the doorjamb hard. He didn’t like this one bit, but there was nothing he could do except to wait for the body thief’s return. Shen Jiu had never been the praying sort, but he hoped that nothing would happen to the body thief.

Please, baba. Come home safely.

Chapter Text

Shen Jiu whiled the time away with reading, painting, doing calligraphy and playing the qin all as he waited for his body thief baba to return home safely. Things would be fine, he reassured himself. There was no way that the god that brought his baba here would let him die in Jinlan City. Not before Luo Binghe managed to crawl out of the Endless Abyss. His baba would eventually return home once they dealt with this plague, and everything would be fine.

Still, he couldn’t manage to shake off the feeling of dread; as if he was waiting for the proverbial axe to fall. No matter how much he tried to keep himself busy, the feeling continued to persist.

A few days after the Cang Qiong team had left for Jinlan City, while it was NIng Yingying’s turn to “babysit” him, Yue Qingyuan came to the bamboo house. To Shen Jiu’s shock, Yue Qingyuan knelt in front of him and took his hands in his.

“Yuan-er, Uncle Yue has some bad news to tell, so Yuan-er needs to be very brave, alright?” said Yue Qingyuan.

Shen Jiu’s blood went cold. There was only one reason for Yue Qingyuan to act like this and say those words.

“That idiot baba of mine got himself infected with the plague, didn’t he?” demanded Shen Jiu.

Yue Qingyuan immediately frowned at him. “Don’t call your father an idiot,” he scolded.

Shen Jiu took his hands away from Yue Qingyuan to put on his hips, and scowled at the man. “Well, did he or not?”

“He did, but–”

“Hah!”

“But he’s perfectly fine now,” barrelled on Yue Qingyuan. “The problem now is–”

Apparently the plague in Jinlan City was caused by sowers – a fact that Shen Qingqiu had discovered shortly after arriving in Jinlan City. The sower demons were then quickly caught afterwards. However upon capture, the sower demons had claimed that Shen Qingqiu had been the one to order them to go to Jinlan City and had begged him to save them.

Obviously the wretched creatures were trying to save their skin by throwing the blame for their actions on the nearest cultivator. But why did they have to pick Shen Jiu’s body thief baba of all people? Still, anyone with brains could see that the sowers were obviously lying. After all, what benefit would Shen Qingqiu gain by having an entire city fall to plague? Even if one was to say that it was to further his own reputation by causing a disaster and then playing the hero, any proper mastermind would have had all the creatures killed before they could tell who had sent them there.

Unfortunately, a mob was only as smart as its stupidest person. And people could be very, very stupid, in Shen Jiu’s experience.

“Yuan-er, do you remember Luo Binghe?” asked Yue Qingyuan.

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. “You mean the person whom baba has been mourning over for the past three years? No, I can’t imagine who that is.”

Yue Qingyuan sighed. “Well, he turned out to be alive. And with Huan Hua Palace, of all sects.”

Shen Jiu ignored Ning Yingying’s shocked gasp from behind him. This didn’t make sense. Wasn’t the beast supposed to escape the Endless Abyss in two years time? How could he have– of course. The Luo Binghe of Proud Immortal Demon Way had had his cultivation and training sabotaged for years. The Luo Binghe of this world on the other hand, had received Shen Jiu’s personal cultivation manual with all his notes inside (and oh, hadn’t Shen Jiu thrown a fit when he first saw it in the beast’s hands). Moreover, the beast had three years of undisturbed lessons and being personally trained by not one, but two Peak Lords. The body thief had even prepared him for the Endless Abyss as best as he could by sending him on various nighthunts. Hell, considering the amount of doting the body thief had poured onto the beast, Shen Jiu wouldn’t be the least surprised if the beast had opened his qiankun pouch in the Endless Abyss, only to find it full of food, medicines and valuable talismans to help him there.

…Put like that, it was rather disappointing that the beast needed three years to get out of the Endless Abyss.

Shen Jiu tuned back to the rest of what Yue Qingyuan was saying. Apparently, after the sowers, the Huan Hua Palace disciples had also joined in throwing accusations at Shen Qingqiu, this time accusing him of abusing his disciples.

“And what was the– Luo Binghe’s reaction to this?” questioned Shen Jiu.

Yue Qingyuan’s frown grew even deeper. “He admitted that your baba had placed his life on the line to protect him, but didn’t deny the accusations of abuse.”

Well, in all honesty, Shen Jiu as Shen Qingqiu had abused Luo Binghe as well as a few other useless disciples. But the body thief was innocent of all that. Not that anyone, other than himself and the rat, knew the difference, of course.

Yue Qingyuan went on to add how the Old Palace Master had thrown oil onto the flames by insinuating that there was probably a good reason why Luo Binghe hadn’t wanted to return to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect and really, the good people of Jinlan City deserved to know if there was someone pulling the strings behind the sowers appearance in their city. The old bastard was likely trying to pull down Cang Qiong’s reputation to make his own sect bigger. He had never been happy about his sect being only second best, after all.

“This time, Luo Binghe actually protested the accusation of colluding with demons, claiming that Shen Qingqiu abhorred evil and would kill demons on sight and rejoice afterwards,” continued Yue Qingyuan.

Ah, there was someone who was still mad about being thrown into the Endless Abyss by his precious Shizun. It was Shen Jiu’s turn to frown. There was something wrong here. The beast, no doubt, was the one who had forced the sowers to falsely accuse Shen Qingqiu. Who else but a Heavenly Demon halfbreed could do such things? So why wasn’t he throwing out his own accusations? Certainly the Luo Binghe of Proud Immortal Demon Way hadn’t been shy in pouring out his tales of woe regarding his time on Qing Jing Peak to a sympathetic audience.

Yue Qingyuan went on with his narration, “And then, after all that, this woman by the name of Qiu Haitang, suddenly appeared and not only accused your poor baba of murdering her brother and servants, but also claimed that he had been an apprentice to an infamous demonic cultivator.”

Ning Yingying gasped again. “How wicked of these people to say such things! Shizun would never, in a million years, murder a bunch of people in cold blood, much less commit all those other crimes! For all of these to happen on one day at the same time, must mean that poor Shizun has a terrible enemy, out to smear his reputation!”

Shen Jiu repressed a bitter smile. Ning Yingying was both right and wrong when it came to the accusations. While Shen Jiu was guilty of the murder of the Qiu household and being Wu Yanzi’s apprentice, the body thief certainly wasn’t. On the other hand, she was absolutely right about the body thief having a terrible enemy, aka the beast.

No, wait. Again, Shen Jiu was niggled with the persistent feeling that something was wrong here. It had made sense for the Luo Binghe of Proud Immortal Demon Way to seek out Qiu Haitang and conspire to bring down a mutually hated enemy, but the Luo Binghe of this world on the other hand… That wretched beast had chugged vinegar if the body thief so much as smiled at someone else! An actual fiancee should have had him frothing at the mouth! Of course, it was possible that being thrown into the Endless Abyss by the object of his lust had killed all the beast’s desire for the body thief, but Shen Jiu knew from bitter experience that strong feelings for someone didn’t go away that easily.

“What was Luo Binghe’s reaction to this Qiu Haitang?” he asked.

Yue Qingyuan hesitated for a moment as he thought. “He didn’t seem too happy about her,” he finally admitted.

Ah, so the beast wasn’t responsible for Qiu Haitang’s reappearance, after all. Which meant that his body thief baba had two enemies, determined to drag his reputation through the mud. But who could be the second? That disciple that had gone on to be one of Huan Hua Palace’s assistant librarians?

“Shibo, what happened to Shizun then?” urged Ning Yingying.

Yue Qingyuan went on to explain that the Old Palace Master had insisted that the body thief be imprisoned in Huan Hua Palace’s Water Prison until a proper investigation was conducted and he be brought to trial. Cang Qiong Mountain Sect of course, protested this and was ready to fight the rest of the sects when Shen Qingqiu had surrendered and allowed Huan Hua Palace to bind and bring him in.

“So when will this trial be held?” demanded Ning Yingying. “A few days? Shizun can’t be allowed to stay in another sect’s prison for so long!”

Yue Qingyuan suddenly looked very tired. “Believe me, Ning-shizhi, we tried to shorten Shen Qingqiu’s stay, but it was Shen Qingqiu himself who agreed with the Old Palace Master that his trial be set in a month’s time. How could we argue any further when the one accused agreed with his jailor?”

Ning Yingying nodded. “Shizun must want to show the world that he’s innocent. That’s why he agreed to such stupid demands. After all, the innocent have nothing to fear when it comes to the law!”

This time, Shen Jiu didn’t repress his bitter smile. Ning Yingying might have grown in years, but in some ways, she was still that innocent girl Shen Jiu had accepted as a disciple all those years ago. Only the very naive would believe such things. In this case, it was obvious that irregardless of actual guilt, some evidence would be quickly manufactured to prove the body thief guilty of all charges.

Yue Qingyuan might be confused about the body thief’s actions and Ning Yingying might have misunderstood, but Shen Jiu knew full well why his baba had agreed to such conditions. In the absence of an actual plan to deal with the beast, the body thief was falling back on the plan of using the Flesh Seeds to gain a new life. Damn that idiot! That plan was meant to be used as a last resort; an if-all-else-fails plan. Not as the first option!

Of course, the Flesh Seeds were nowhere ready to be used right now, but he and the rat must know a way to quicken their growth. Shen Jiu would have to talk to the rat later regarding this matter.

However, there was one thing the body thief hadn’t taken into account, and that was Without-A-Cure. Without access to his usual medicines and someone to regularly cleanse his meridians, the body thief’s spiritual power circulation would be interrupted due to the poison, leading to stagnation of both spiritual power and blood. Which meant that Shen Jiu’s stupid, ridiculous baba would be dead even before he got to trial.

Shen Jiu grabbed the front of Yue Qingyuan’s robes and looked the man in the eye. “You need to get baba out of there quickly! Or else he’ll surely die!”

Yue Qingyuan’s hands closed around Shen Jiu’s and squeezed them gently. “Don’t worry, Yuan-er. Uncle Yue promises that we will bring Yuan-er’s baba back home safely.”

He patted Shen Jiu’s hands twice and then he looked up at Ning Yingying. “Ning-shizhi, can I count on you and the other Qing Jing Peak disciples to take care of Yuan-er in the meantime? I’m afraid that I will be too busy to take my turn for the next few days.”

Ning Yingying bowed smartly towards Yue Qingyuan. “Don’t worry, Zhangmen-shibo. You can definitely count on us there.”

Yue Qingyuan nodded and got to his feet, gently disentangling Shen Jiu’s hands from his robes. He then patted Shen Jiu gingerly on the head. “Be good for your jiejie and geges, alright, Yuan-er?”

Shen Jiu scowled at the man, but nodded. Yue Qingyuan nodded back at him, and then at Ning Yingying before leaving. Once he was gone, Ning Yingying threw herself at Shen Jiu and squeezed him tightly. Tight enough to make him yelp despite himself.

“Yuan-er, don’t be scared,” she told him. “Zhangmen-shibo and the others will surely rescue Shizun!” She smiled brightly at him. “I’m sure that he’ll be back before you know it!”

Shen Jiu wished that he could have her confidence that everything would be alright, but he knew that this world wasn’t so kind. What needed to be done here was to get his baba out of prison and deal with the beast. If they could find a way to expose him as a Heavenly Demon halfbreed, the sects could come together and imprison him under Mount Bailu. This version of the beast might not want to turn the body thief into a human stick, but Shen Jiu was certainly not going to take the risk. He would only rest easy if the beast was dead, or at the very least, imprisoned far away from Shen Jiu and his baba, with no way of escape.

He would have to talk to the rat about this. As the author of Proud Immortal Demon Way, the rat might have ideas on how to deal with the beast.

Shen Jiu eyed Ning Yingying, who was still fussing over him. Unfortunately, he would have to wait until she was out of the way.

Shen Jiu convinced Ning Yingying that he was tired and that they should both go to bed. As usual, Ning Yingying insisted on sleeping next to his bed. However, instead of sleeping, Shen Jiu waited until he heard her soft snores and then crept out of bed. He went to one of his hiding spots, pulled out a knife and hid it in his sleeve. He might need it to deal with the rat. With that settled, he marched out of the bamboo house towards An Ding Peak.

Once he reached there, the An Ding disciples quickly called out to him. “Yuan-er, what are you doing here? Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

Shen Jiu made his eyes grow all wet and wobbly. “Yuan-er wanted to ask Uncle Shang if he had already found a way to rescue Baba.”

The disciples’ eyes softened, but they shook their heads solemnly. “I’m sorry, Yuan-er, but Shizun isn’t here at the moment. He’s probably working together with the other Peak Lords in order to save Shen-shibo.”

Like hell he was! That rat was probably plotting to run away and save his own miserable skin right now.

Unfortunately, there was nothing Shen Jiu could do about it. All he could do was thank the An Ding Disciples for telling him and turn around to make the long journey back to Qing Jing Peak. Fortunately, one of the An Ding Peak disciples took pity on him and insisted on taking him back to the bamboo house on their sword. He mumbled his thanks to the disciple before entering his home and going to his bedroom. Ning Yingying was still fast asleep so Shen Jiu climbed up on his bed and closed his eyes. Despite his worry for the body thief, he still somehow fell asleep within minutes.

The next day, while the disciples were busy with lessons, Shen Jiu snuck away and used the To and Fro amulet to teleport to the secret mushroom garden his baba and rat were keeping. To his surprise, the rat turned out to be there. And pouring some sort of foul-smelling concoction onto all the mushrooms.

“What are you doing?” shrieked Shen Jiu.

The rat jumped. He put his hand on his chest as he stared reproachfully at Shen Jiu. “Shen-shixiong, don’t scare me like that.”

Shen Jiu put his hands on his hips and glared at the rat. “I repeat: what the hell are you doing?”

“I’m trying to save my Cucumber-bro, of course,” replied the rat. “You know as well as I do that the Sun and Moon Dew Mushrooms are nowhere near ready for him to use.” He patted the jar from which he had poured the foul-smelling concoction from. “But my hand-made super fertiliser will fix that.”

Shen Jiu pinched the bridge of his nose hard. “Let me get this straight: you just poured an experimental fertiliser over every single one of the Flesh Seeds that was meant for baba.”

“Yup!” chirped the rat proudly.

If Shen Jiu hadn’t forgotten his knives back home, he would have stabbed this stupid rat already. As it was, he had to settle for whacking the rat’s shins with his fan.

“You blithering imbecile!” he yelled. “You can’t just pour an experimental concoction over all of baba’s precious mushrooms when you yourself don’t know how well it works! For all we know, you might just have killed all the Flesh Seeds!”

“Shen-shixiong, please chill for once in your life,” replied the rat. He pointed to himself with his thumb. “Have some faith in me. I am the creator god of this world, after all.”

“You being the author of Proud Immortal Demon Way, is the reason why I can’t have any faith in you,” retorted Shen Jiu.

He had no idea what the rat meant by “chill”, though he was sure that it didn’t mean “to get cold”. He would have to ask his body thief baba if he got back. No, not if. When he got back.

The rat sighed. “In any case, it’s already done. Now we just have to wait and see.”

Shen Jiu kicked him in the shins. “What ‘wait and see’? This is supposed to be a last-resort plan. You should go work with my ex-martial siblings to get my baba out before the beast tears off all his limbs!”

The rat sighed again. “Shen-shixiong, Luo Binghe won’t be tearing off anyone’s limbs until after the trial. Which is in a month’s time. Cucumber-bro will be fine.” He paused. “Well, as fine as anyone else would be if they were in the water prison.”

Shen Jiu tried to kick him again, but this time the rat dodged. “He still needs to be out of there as soon as possible. You’re the one who wrote ‘Proud Immortal Demon Way’, don’t you know the way to the water prison?”

“Nope,” chirped the rat. “I just wrote that there were ‘myriad mysterious patterns in Huan Hua Palace’s labyrinth formation’. I wouldn’t know how to thread it, even if I had Ariadne’s ball of string.”

Shen Jiu didn’t know who on earth was Ariadne, and he didn’t care. What he cared about was getting his baba out of the water prison and far away from the beast.

The rat got on his spirit sword and did this odd hand gesture at Shen Jiu, with both thumbs raised above the fist, and the index fingers extended perpendicularly.

“Anyway, see you around, Shen-shixiong,” said the rat, before flying off into the distance.

Shen Jiu stamped his foot as he scowled at the rat’s receding figure. That useless creature! All he had done was dump some weird fertiliser onto the Flesh Seeds and now he was calling it a day! He hadn’t even bothered to figure out a plan to deal with the beast! If their positions had been reversed, he was sure that the body thief would be trying his best to save the rat. That was just the kind of person he was, after all.

Shen Jiu used the To and Fro amulet to transport himself back to the bamboo house. And not a moment too soon, because Ning Yingying came looking for him, frantic because she couldn’t find him around earlier. Shen Jiu internally sighed but allowed her to fuss over him and take him out for lunch.

The problem with being six years old was that no one took you seriously. Shen Jiu had tried to go to the meeting room on Qiong Ding Peak to find out what the Peak Lords’ plan was to free the body thief, but the Qiong Ding disciples had chased him off each and every time, insisting that the Peak Lords were too busy to play with him. No amount of arguing or demanding to help had dissuaded them. Even Shen Jiu’s attempts to sneak into the meeting room had gotten him carried out by the back of his robes, as if he was a pet cat that had wandered into a place that he should not have. Needless to say, he had not appreciated this one bit. In the end, all he could do was to interrogate Ming Fan, who had been allowed into the meeting room, on account of being Qing Jing Peak’s head disciple.

Apparently Yue Qingyuan had tried to reach out to Zhao Hua Temple and Tian Yi Overlook for aid, but both sects had refused to help, insisting that this matter was solely between Huan Hua Palace and Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. So now the Peak Lords were trying to figure out a way to break into Huan Hua Palace and rescue the body thief, but were hindered by their lack of knowledge regarding the labyrinth formation.

“Obviously, what you need to do is to grab a senior Huan Hua Palace disciple, one who’ll know how to thread the maze, and either bribe or threaten them into bringing a team to baba’s prison,” advised Shen Jiu. “Then from there, the team can rescue baba and bring him home.”

Ming Fan smiled wryly. “That’s easier said than done, Yuan-er. Currently all the senior Huan Hua Palace disciples are staying put in Huan Hua Palace, but I’ll pass your plan to Zhangmen-shibo and the others during tomorrow’s meeting.”

“See to it that you do,” ordered Shen Jiu.

Aargh, he hated being helpless! He hated only being able to stomp around and demand answers from others! He hated people either pussyfooting around him or patting him on the head and giving him false reassurances that “everything would be alright”! The body thief was suffering in prison right now, and all he was allowed to do was wait! And he hated waiting!

One of the few things that Shen Jiu could do was check on the Flesh Seeds, that surprisingly enough, had not been killed by the rat’s experimental fertiliser. In fact, the Sun and Moon Dew Mushrooms were growing rather well. Too well, to be honest.

“See, I told you that my fertiliser would work,” crowed the rat.

“At this rate, they’re all going to rot and die in a week’s time,” snapped Shen Jiu.

Shang Qinghua let out a nervous laugh as he rubbed the back of his head. “You have a point there,” he admitted. “I’ll get a message to Cucumber-bro to tell him about this.”

Shen Jiu stared at the rat in disbelief. “Let me get this straight: you want my baba who is in prison to handle this mess that you’ve caused. How do you even expect him to break out of Huan Hua Palace’s water prison?”

The rat put his hands together. “Shen-shixiong, have faith in your baba. He will surely find a way.”

Shen Jiu scowled at him. “You mean that you’re not going to help him get out.”

“Just have faith in him,” repeated the rat, not even bothering to deny Shen Jiu’s accusation.

Shen Jiu hated to admit it even to himself, but the rat had a point. Knowing his baba, he had probably accidentally seduced some gallant young fool by now. Shen Jiu could just see a Huan Hua Palace disciple taking one look at the body thief in the water prison and promptly losing his heart to him.

“O beautiful creature,” the gallant young fool would say. “There is no possible way that someone as fair as you could have committed such foul deeds. You deserve better than to languish in this terrible place. Come, let me take you away from all of this.”

To which the body thief would reply, “Wow, thanks. What a nice man you are.”

And then they’d make their escape.

Shen Jiu dragged a hand down his face. He still didn’t like the idea of the body thief using the Flesh Seed as a first option, but it was best to keep that option open. Just in case.

“Tell the body thief to keep his options open. Don’t just jump straight to the committing suicide plan,” ordered Shen Jiu.

“Yes, Shen-shixiong,” sighed the rat.

“In the meantime, we’ll have to set up the arrays to make sure that his soul gets into the Flesh Seed in the case that it’s needed,” continued Shen Jiu.

“You mean that I’ll be doing the arrays,” corrected the rat. “On account of you being currently too young to create them.”

“Well, I’ll be checking them to make sure that you’ve done them correctly,” retorted Shen Jiu.

(In the end, Shen Jiu could only check the array set up in Cang Qiong. Shang Qinghua pointed out that Shen Jiu being Shen Qingqiu’s little son, meant that he could not take him out of Cang Qiong. Not without permission from Yue Qingyuan, who would surely smell a rat if Shang Qinghua asked if he could take Shen Jiu to Huayue City for a while. Shen Jiu had to grudgingly admit that Yue Qingyuan would never grant permission for him to leave Cang Qiong. That didn’t mean that he had to like it though).

Three days later, Shen Jiu was busy painting while being overseen by Ning Yingying, when Ming Fan came to the door and called her over. The two of them had a hushed conversation which was broken by Ning Yingying squawking, “They said Shizun did WHAT?!”

Now that got Shen Jiu’s attention. “What happened? What are people saying about baba?” he demanded.

Ning Yingying turned away from Ming Fan and walked towards him. “Yuan-er, apparently a group of demons infiltrated Huan Hua Palace and killed all the disciples patrolling their labyrinth. Shizun was found missing from his prison, so now Huan Hua Palace is claiming that Shizun orchestrated all of this in order to escape justice.”

“That’s ridiculous,” barked Shen Jiu. “Baba would never work together with demons! Much less come up with an escape plan that killed a bunch of innocents!”

Ning Yingying nodded vigorously. “Exactly. Shizun would never do something like that.” She reached down to pat Shen Jiu on the head. “Anyway, Ning-jiejie will be leaving with Ming-gege and the others to find Shizun before the other sects catch him. Yuan-er needn’t worry though - Ming-gege’s already arranged for some of the hall masters and servants to look after you while we’re all away, so Yuan-er should be good for them, alright?”

Shen Jiu resisted the urge to pull a face. He hated being told to behave like a good little boy. Curse this wretched body once again for being too young for anyone to take seriously! But for Ning Yingying’s sake, he nodded reluctantly.

“Ning-jiejie, if you’re going to be looking for baba, maybe you should try searching Huayue City,” suggested Shen Jiu. He couldn’t do much in this child form, but maybe having the Qing Jing Peak disciples around would make the body thief think twice about committing suicide.

“Alright,” replied Ning Yingying.

She then gave him a quick hug before following Ming Fan. Shen Jiu frowned as he watched both of them run down the path to go rendezvous with the other disciples. What on earth was going on at Huan Hua Palace? Shen Jiu was sure that the beast was involved, but how? Either the beast upon discovering the body thief’s escape, had decided to kill the Huan Hua Palace disciples in order to frame him for their deaths, or the beast had decided to take him somewhere where he could torture him to his heart’s content without any interference and had had the disciples killed in order to cover his tracks. Shen Jiu could do nothing but hope that it was the former.

No wait, there was something else he could do. He could try to get at least one Peak Lord to go to Huayue City to save his baba. The Qing Jing Peak disciples were still disciples, after all. Another Peak Lord would be more useful – like the brute, for instance. Stupid though he might be, Shen Jiu would grudgingly admit that he was good at fighting. Mind made up, Shen Jiu marched towards Qiong Ding Peak in order to waylay the brute and convince him to save the body thief.

________________________________

Yue Qingyuan resisted the urge to pace in his office. But his shizun had beaten into him the importance of maintaining appearances and calm many years ago. Right now, he had most of the Peak Lords out there searching for Shen Qingqiu to bring him home where he could be safe. For a shaved copper coin, Yue Qingyuan would be out there as well, but unfortunately, someone was needed to coordinate their search, and as the sect leader, that job naturally fell to him.

He still didn’t understand what was going on. Why had the sower demons claimed that it was Shen Qingqiu who had sent them to Jinlan City? Why had Qiu Haitang shown up, after all these years, to accuse him not only of murdering her brother and servants, but being Wu Yanzi’s apprentice? Why was the Old Palace Master so eager to imprison Shen Qingqiu that one would wonder if he had a grudge against him? How on earth had Shen Qingqiu escaped the water prison and who was responsible for that mass slaughter of Huan Hua Palace disciples?

The sower demons could be explained away as the work of a demon with a grudge against Shen Qingqiu. A demon such as that Demon Saintess that had attacked Cang Qiong Mountain Sect a few years back, for example. But that didn’t explain why Qiu Haitang had been there. Somehow Yue Qingyuan doubted that it was mere coincidence. And as for the Old Palace Master, no matter how much Yue Qingyuan racked his brain, he couldn’t think of a reason why he would hate Shen Qingqiu. Both the past and present one had never done anything to insult him, so why was he so insistent on treating him like a criminal? Whatever had happened to “innocent until proven guilty”? And as for the breakout, it was possible that someone had broken Shen Qingqiu out - and then murdered the patrolling disciples to further smear his reputation. Or perhaps something had happened that made Shen Qingqiu decide that it wasn’t safe to remain in the water prison for much longer and he had escaped, just before the Demon Saintess and her army had broken in to either kidnap or kill him. But all of these were just mere speculations. The only one who might have an inkling of what was going on was Shen Qingqiu, and he was still at large.

Yue Qingyuan could still see that wry smile on Shen Qingqiu’s face as he bowed in apology to him before allowing the Huan Hua Palace disciples to bind him and take him off.

Oh, Xiao-Jiu. What on earth were you thinking back then? Did you really think you were sparing the sect by allowing them to take you without a fight? Why couldn’t you have seen that it was far more painful for all of us to sit back and let you go?

Throughout the Peak Lords’ discussion on how to free Shen Qingqiu, Yue Qingyuan had been so tempted to give into impulse and rampage through Huan Hua Palace, breaking everything in his path until he finally found and freed his Xiao-Jiu. But a glance at Xuan Su had reminded him of how heavy a price one moment of impulsivity could exact.

His musing was interrupted by Liu Qingge barging into his office, half-supported by a group of Qing Jing Peak disciples. All of the disciples were red-eyed, as if they had been weeping earlier. Liu Qingge himself was injured. The last time Yue Qingyuan had seen him so badly off was when they were still disciples and Liu Qingge had fought off a pair of Black Moon Python Rhinoceroses. Just what on earth had happened to them?

“Shen Qingqiu is dead,” announced Liu Qingge.

No. No, it couldn’t be.

“What happened?” Yue Qingyuan made himself ask.

The whole story came out in a jumble between Liu Qingge and the Qing Jing Peak disciples: the disciples getting into a fight with the Little Palace Mistress in Huayue City, reuniting with Shen Qingqiu, fighting with the other sects and then, the confrontation with Luo Binghe.

“That white-eyed wolf was wielding this demonic sword,” growled Liu Qingge. “A pretty powerful one too, considering how it was able to stop Cheng Luan easily. But it was clear that he couldn’t control it and it looked as if the sword’s power was going to heavily recoil on him, which would have likely not only killed him but at minimum, everyone else around him. That’s when Shen Qingqiu stepped in and stopped the recoil, by self-detonating.”

So, Xiao-Jiu had sacrificed himself in order to save that ungrateful disciple of his, huh. No, Yue Qingyuan was being unfair. Xiao-Jiu had sacrificed himself to save everyone there, including those who had been viciously condemning him as a murderer and colluding with demons.

Some place deep inside of Yue Qingyuan, there was a boy kneeling in the ashes and dirt, screaming his grief to the uncaring heavens. Yue Qingyuan ignored that boy. He had done it before and in any case, there was more to be done before he could fall apart. Such as taking care of Xiao-Jiu’s funeral, for example.

“By the way, Zhangmen-shibo, if you’re wondering where Shizun’s body is, then I’m afraid to tell you that Luo Binghe took it,” said Ming Fan bitterly.

Liu Qingge suddenly bowed to Yue Qingyuan. “Zhangmen-shixiong, I apologise for failing to take Shen Qingqiu’s corpse from that white eyed wolf.” He then looked up at Yue Qingyuan, eyes blazing with fury. “Rest assured that I will retrieve his body one day, so that we can give our martial brother a proper funeral and put him to rest.”

Ming Fan hastened to reassure him. “Liu-shishu, it wasn’t your fault! Who could have known that that brat was a demon all along!”

“A demon?” echoed Yue Qingyuan. That made no sense at all. He had seen Luo Binghe use spiritual energy with his own eyes before this. So how could–

“When we fought, I saw the huadian of a Heavenly Demon on his forehead,” explained Liu Qingge.

Ah, that explained why Liu Qingge had been defeated. Heavenly Demons were extremely powerful, and their incredible stamina and regenerative powers stacked the odds even more in their favour. Even for Yue Qingyuan, armed with Xuan Su, Tianlang-Jun had been and still was, the most difficult fight of his life. And that had been after he’d been softened up by the attacks of the other sects!

For Luo Binghe to be a Heavenly Demon, that could only mean that he was Tianlang-jun’s son. And as for him being able to use spiritual energy… hadn’t the Old Palace Master claimed before that Tianlang-jun had abducted his head disciple? If Tianlang-jun had forced himself on her and gotten her with child, then that child could have inherited her spiritual abilities. Which explained why Luo Binghe was able to cultivate.

Ning Yingying frantically tugged on Ming Fan’s robes. “Shixiong, what am I going to do? I told Yuan-er that his baba would come home. Now how am I going to tell that poor little boy that his baba is dead? He’s been worried sick about Shizun all this time too!”

“I’ll do it,” said Yue Qingyuan, his voice sounding distant to his own ears. “I promised Shen-shidi years ago that if anything ever happened to him, I’d look after Yuan-er. So, I’ll tell him.”

Ning Yingying and the other Qing Jing Peak disciples gave him looks of sheer relief. Yue Qingyuan’s eyes went to the direction of Qing Jing Peak. Oh, Yuan-er wasn’t going to take this well at all.

__________________________________________________

Shen Jiu paced up and down the floor as he ignored the librarian who was meant to be babysitting him, peering at him over the top of her book. It was past dinner, so he should be going to bed right now, but he was too restless to sleep. He couldn’t even concentrate on anything right now, be it reading, painting or playing music. Not when he didn’t know how things in Huayue City were going to turn out. Assuming that his body thief baba even made it to Huayue City in the first place.

Perhaps he should have grabbed Yue Qingyuan and demanded that he go to Huayue City as well, but he still didn’t want Yue Qingyuan anywhere near the beast. He wasn’t going to forget the whole “tens of thousands of arrows had pierced him, until not even bones remained” anytime soon.

The door suddenly swung open to reveal Yue Qingyuan. He nodded to the librarian. “Could you please leave us? I need to talk to Yuan-er.”

The librarian didn’t need to be asked twice. She immediately left the house without so much as a backward glance at Shen Jiu. Shen Jiu’s heart pounded rapidly in his chest. He swallowed hard. Yue Qingyuan coming at this time meant bad news for sure.

Once again, Yue Qingyuan knelt in front of Shen Jiu and took his hands in his. “Yuan-er, I’m afraid that I have bad news for you again. Your baba won’t be coming home, after all. He died in Huayue City.”

Shen Jiu closed his eyes briefly. Ah. Just what he had been afraid of.

“How? How did this happen?” he demanded.

Yue Qingyuan swiftly laid out the sequence of events in Huayue City. Shen Jiu nodded slowly. So, the body thief had gone for the Flesh Seed route, after all. He had to reluctantly admit though that the circumstances had unfortunately made the body thief detonating his core as the best choice at the time.

(In one of the chapters of Proud Immortal Demon Way, one of the beast’s enemies had stolen Xin Mo away from him. But when said enemy tried to use the sword, the recoil had not only killed him, but also destroyed the city he was in. This later turned out to be all part of the beast’s plan, but that was another story altogether).

Still, this was a good thing, really. Shen Jiu knew how this played out in Proud Immortal Demon Way, after all. After being betrayed by his shizun and undergoing much suffering on account of being pushed into a living hell, the brave young hero finally escapes and takes vengeance on his shizun and sect. But what happens when the shizun who betrayed you gives his life to save you? How could one hold onto resentment after that? That answer was: definitely not. And so, everyone was now safe. Ming Fan would not be thrown into an ant-filled pit to be bitten to death. Ning Yingying would not be trapped in a harem, shackled in marriage to a man who did not love her. Yue Qingyuan would not be killed in an ambush, and the sect wouldn’t be burned down. Everything was perfectly fine.

A tear trickled down his cheek. More tears fell to join it. Shen Jiu wiped his eyes. Curse this wretched child body for being so emotional! It wasn’t even as if the body thief was going to be dead forever! Right now, he was safely ensconced in the Flesh Seed and in a few years’ time, Shen Jiu would be able to see him again. So why did it have to react like this?

Yue Qingyuan reached out to pull him into a tentative embrace. “Oh, Yuan-er. It’s alright to cry. We– we all will miss Shen Qingqiu very much.”

Shen Jiu’s grief swiftly turned to rage. How dare this bastard try to comfort him! Especially after his miserable failure to bring his baba back home safely! Shen Jiu wanted to laugh at himself for his stupidity for even thinking that there was a possibility that this man would keep his promise. Hadn’t he already learnt that lesson the hard way around?

Shen Jiu hit him. “You lied to me!” he screamed as he continued to batter Yue Qingyuan’s chest with his little fists. “You promised me that you’d bring baba back home safely, but you didn’t! You liar! Oathbreaker! Oathbreaker!”

Despite this abuse, Yue Qingyuan didn’t let him go. “You’re right, you’re right. Yuan-er is absolutely right to be angry at me,” he murmured.

A drop of water suddenly fell on Shen Jiu’s head and he looked up to see what was the cause of it.

Yue Qingyuan was crying.

Shen Jiu froze, voice immediately falling silent. In all his years, he had never seen Yue Qi cry. Not once. Not even when the slavers had broken his left wrist for trying to protect the other children had he shed so much as a single tear. But now he was crying. All at once, Shen Jiu’s rage slipped away like water through a leaky basket.

“I’m sorry, Yuan-er,” whispered Yue Qi as he continued to cry. “Uncle Yue is so very sorry that he couldn’t keep his promise.”

Shen Jiu suddenly wished the body thief was here. He was far better than Shen Jiu when it came to dealing with tears.

Shen Jiu pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and started wiping Yue Qi’s face roughly. “Stop crying!” he ordered. “Is this how the sect leader of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect should act?

He smacked Yue Qi right in the nose with the handkerchief. “Do you want me to blow your nose for you as well?”

Yue Qi took the handkerchief from him and politely blew his nose. “Thank you, Yuan-er,” he murmured. “I’ll be sure to have this washed and returned to you.”

Shen Jiu folded his arms and grunted. Once Yue Qi had finished blowing his nose, he grabbed the man by the left arm and towed him to his old bed.

Shen Jiu jabbed a finger at the bed. “Lie down!”

Yue Qi hesitated. “But–”

Shen Jiu kicked his leg. “Do you want me to beat you again? Go lie down on the bed!”

This time, Yue Qi slowly but obediently laid down in Shen Jiu’s old bed. Once he was done, Shen Jiu clambered on top of the bed and flopped down on him.

“We are going to sleep now,” Shen Jiu informed him.

Yue Qi nodded. “Yes, of course.”

He then used a small amount of qi to douse all the lights in the house. Shen Jiu inhaled deeply. It had been years since he had last slept with Yue Qi and while he didn’t stink of sweat and the grime of the streets anymore, there was still something so distinctly Qi– Yue Qi about his scent.

Yue Qi sniffed again. Shen Jiu was suddenly struck with the knowledge that had Yue Qi burst into tears when they had first united, he would have– well, not completely forgiven him on the spot, but he would have been a lot less angry with him. Ah well, what had passed, had passed.

Yue Qi gingerly put his arms around him, as if he was expecting Shen Jiu to shove them away. Shen Jiu didn’t.

“Yuan-er,” he whispered. “I really am so very so–”

“If you say sorry one more time, I swear that I’m going to beat you to death,” threatened Shen Jiu.

Yue Qingyuan immediately shut his mouth. Good. If he had said anything more, Shen Jiu would have bitten him.

“Go to sleep,” ordered Shen Jiu and closed his own eyes.

Unfortunately, he had no idea if Yue Qingyuan had obeyed him or not, because it wasn’t long before he fell fast asleep.

The next day, a puffy-eyed Ming Fan brought them breakfast. Neither Yue Qingyuan nor Shen Jiu had much appetite, but Shen Jiu forced them both to eat. Food shouldn’t be wasted, after all. Still despite his attempt, their breakfast trays were at the most, only half-eaten when they were taken away.

“Yuan-er needn’t worry,” Yue Qingyuan assured him. “Uncle Yue will look after you from now on. And so will your jiejie and geges.”

Shen Jiu nodded and silence fell in the bamboo house. The atmosphere was starting to feel awkward, so Shen Jiu walked out to stand on the veranda. He leaned his cheek against the pillar. It still didn’t feel real to him that his body thief baba was gone. For now, he viciously reminded himself. He still felt as if the body thief would come walking up the path anytime soon, rambling about some monster or the other that he had seen on his travels.

Yue Qingyuan came to stand beside him. “It’s hard to believe that he’s gone, isn’t it?”

Shen Jiu nodded.

“I find it hard to believe too,” continued Yue Qingyuan. He then sighed. “There were so many things I never said to him, but I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore now.”

Shen Jiu’s head shot up at this. He reached out to tug on Yue Qingyuan’s robes. “Like what?”

Yue Qingyuan rubbed the back of his neck. “Ah, Yuan-er’s probably not interested in old stories.”

“But I do want to know,” insisted Shen Jiu, tugging once again on his robes. “Tell me!”

Yue Qingyuan looked away, far into the distance. He was silent for so long that Shen Jiu thought that he wouldn’t talk, but at last he spoke, “Many years ago, I made a promise to your father. But I was too late to keep that promise.”

Shen Jiu went rigid. Too late. Not “I forgot about that promise” or “I didn’t keep that promise”. Too late.

“How late were you?” he made himself ask. “How late were you in keeping that promise?”

Yue Qi smiled sadly down at him. “I was late by ten days.”

Something snapped within Shen Jiu at those words. He threw his fan at Yue Qi. It hit him squarely in the face.

“You idiot! You idiot!” screamed Shen Jiu. “You great big dummy!”

He jumped down from the veranda and started to run. The only good thing about Proud Immortal Demon Way was that now Shen Jiu knew who to blame for things.

Shen Jiu slammed open the door of the rat’s office. Fortunately for him, the rat was at his desk, which was as usual, piled high with scrolls and paperwork.

“YOU UTTER BASTARD!” screamed Shen Jiu.

He picked up the nearest vase and hurled it at the rat. Unfortunately, his arms were still too weak for him to actually hit the rat and the vase only shattered a metre away from the desk, spilling water and half-dead flowers all over the floor. Undeterred, Shen Jiu overturned the little table the vase had been on, and moved to the next vase. This vase was too large and heavy for him to pick up, but Shen Jiu could still push it over. It toppled to the side and shattered. Now onto the next one.

“What the fuck, Shen-shixiong?” exclaimed the rat. “I didn’t have anything to do for how things turned out in Huayue City and in any case, Cucumber-bro successfully entered the Flesh Seed and I’ve already checked so I know that for certain.”

Well, it was a huge relief to know that the plan had worked and his body thief baba was safely ensconced within the Flesh Seed, but–

“I’m not talking about HIM!” shrieked Shen Jiu. “I’m talking about me and Yue Qi! Ten days! Ten fucking days! You BASTARD!!”

All his strength suddenly left him and he fell to his knees. To his horror, his wretched child body decided that this was all too much for it and he started sobbing.

“Was it fun for you?” he managed to choke out between his sobs. “Did you enjoy laughing behind our backs about how stupid we both were, how foolish we were to not realise?”

The rat, who had been slowly approaching Shen Jiu, actually flinched. “Shen-shixiong, no!” he gasped. “I never once laughed at either of you! I kind of felt sorry for you two, but I didn’t really know how to–”

“You didn’t even try!” retorted Shen Jiu.

Of course he hadn’t. They weren’t really people to him, were they? Just large paper dolls with writings on them, and nobody really cared about paper dolls.

His baba would have, had he been in the rat’s place and knowing what he knew. His baba had tried. His attempts had been clumsy, yes, and he had been hampered by his lack of knowledge, but he had still tried to help.

Suddenly, Shen Jiu wanted his baba so badly. He wanted to crawl into the man’s arms, let the man hold him and rub his back, then bury his face into his robes, and whisper, “Baba, baba, my Qi-ge didn’t abandon me after all. He was just too late.” He sobbed even harder.

The rat visibly steeled himself. “Shen-shixiong, there’s a reason why Yue Qingyuan was too late. You see–”

Shen Jiu clapped his hands over his ears. “I don’t want to hear it from you!” he screamed. “Knowing you and the awful story you wrote, it was likely something terrible!”

The rat flinched again.

Ah, so it was something terrible that had kept his Qi-ge away from him. An old, old knot of resentment in his chest finally loosened and vanished. Shen Jiu thought back to those poor stupid children they had once been, separated only by a wooden door, and that one foolish, reckless promise. Ah, they never had a chance from the beginning, had they? They had been doomed right from the start.

But perhaps hope wasn’t all lost. He was alive and so was Yue Qi. He wasn’t planning to reveal himself anytime soon – there was too much to explain and in any case, they still needed to get his old body back from the beast so that they could give it a proper burial – but they could still start over. They still had a chance.

Shen Jiu used the front of his robes to wipe his face clean, ignoring the proffered handkerchief from the rat, and got to his feet. He needed to see his Qi-ge right now.

_____________________________________________

Yue Qingyuan sat down hard on the veranda and stared in the direction that Yuan-er had run off just moments ago, all the tiny clues and hints over the past four years, assembling together in his mind.

That – that was Xiao-Jiu! Yuan-er had been Xiao-Jiu all along! But if Yuan-er was Xiao-Jiu, then who had been the Shen Qingqiu of the past six years?

It didn’t matter, Yue Qingyuan decided a moment later. The Shen Qingqiu of the past six years had been a good and kind man. He had certainly liked the man. But more importantly, he had brought back Xiao-Jiu long before anyone, including Yue Qingyuan himself, had even realised that he was gone. And he had been nothing but a loving father to Shen Jiu too.

But why had Shen Jiu kept silent regarding his true identity for the past four years? A more suspicious man might suspect a curse of some sorts, but Yue Qingyuan knew better. The Shen Qingqiu of the past six years was too good a man to do something like that. If he had been, he would never have left “Yuan-er” in Yue Qingyuan’s care so frequently. And in any case, Shen Jiu was smart. Even if he had been under some sort of coercion, he would have figured out a way to tell people who he really was. No, the truth was far simpler than that.

Xiao-Jiu had never told anyone who he really was because he was far happier being Shen Qingqiu’s son than being Shen Qingqiu himself. And judging from all their interactions and how upset Xiao-Jiu had been to hear of the man’s death, Xiao-Jiu had genuinely loved him as a father.

And that reminded him: he had just let a grieving Shen Jiu who had just lost his beloved baba, run off into the distance. Yue Qingyuan leaped to his feet and took off down the path.

Yuan-er was nowhere to be found, but questioning a few people along the way, had Yue Qingyuan discovering that he was seen going to An Ding Peak. Why did Xiao-Jiu suddenly want to visit An Ding Peak, Yue Qingyuan had no idea, but he hastened in that direction.

True enough, he found Shen Jiu partway coming down An Ding Peak, one hand scrubbing at his face. His eyes were red and swollen. He had definitely been crying again. Oh, his poor Xiao-Jiu.

“Yuan-er,” he called out.

Xiao-Jiu looked up to see him. Yue Qingyuan knew that he should demand answers from him. He should ask him how he had ended up being reincarnated as his own son, and who had been the other Shen Qingqiu, but Yue Qingyuan wasn’t going to be doing that. If Xiao-Jiu didn’t want him to know his true identity, then Yue Qingyuan would definitely feign ignorance on this subject.

Much to his surprise, Shen Jiu came over and pressed his face against his side.

“Yuan-er, are you alright?” he asked.

Xiao-Jiu shook his head. Yue Qingyuan mentally winced at his own stupid question. Of course he wasn’t alright, his father had just died after all.

“Can I pick you up?” he asked again.

Xiao-Jiu hesitated for a moment, and then nodded.

Yue Qingyuan immediately picked him up. Xiao-Jiu promptly buried his face in the crook of Yue Qingyuan’s neck. Yue Qingyuan patted his back gently. He knew that Xiao-Jiu was only acting like this because he was grieving, but he savoured the contact nonetheless.

Yue Qingyuan was abruptly reminded of the new Shen Qingqiu’s words when he had first dropped “Yuan-er” off to be babysat. ”Think of this as a fresh new start! A clean slate, so to speak!” he had said back then. Yue Qingyuan hadn’t really understood his words back then, but he did now.

Yue Qingyuan gently squeezed the little boy in his arms. Xiao-Jiu, let’s try again, shall we?

Chapter Text

All through the day, Shen Jiu clung to Yue Qingyuan. Had he been in his old body, he would never have had the face to do such a thing. But now that he was a little boy who had just been orphaned, such a thing was perfectly understandable. Certainly the big lug hadn’t raised any eyebrows over his behaviour, even letting him sit in his lap while he ate his lunch.

He would rather spend the day alone with only Yue Qi for company, but unfortunately, the body thief’s death meant that he had a horde of well-meaning ex-martial siblings and weeping ex-disciples descending on him, armed with their condolences and asking him if he was alright, if he needed anything, and talking about how they’d miss the body thief too and oh, you poor little thing.

It took all of Shen Jiu’s self-control to not yell that he didn’t need any of them and to tell them to get lost. Fortunately, he had Yue Qingyuan as a buffer. He could just murmur a thank you and then bury his face in Yue Qingyuan’s side. And before he hit his limit, Yue Qingyuan took over and started gently herding the others away, firmly insisting that Yuan-er was tired and needed to rest.

After eating dinner together in the Bamboo House, Yue Qingyuan looked at him and asked him if he wanted to stay in the house or if he wanted to stay over at Yue Qingyuan’s house instead.

Shen Jiu looked around his house and imagined having to spend the night here, either alone, or with a sobbing disciple for company. And no Baba around either. He shuddered at the thought.

“Yuan-er wants to go to Uncle Yue’s house,” answered Shen Jiu.

Yue Qingyuan smiled at him. “In that case, why don’t we pack some of your things first?”

All Shen Jiu really needed to pack was his toothbrush and a change of clothes, but to keep up appearances, he picked a few of his stuffed toys and one of his fans as well. Then, he took Yue Qingyuan’s hand and let him lead him back to Qiong Ding Peak.

“Would Yuan-er like to stay in the spare room tonight?” asked Yue Qingyuan once they reached his house.

Shen Jiu shook his head and tugged on Yue Qingyuan’s robe. “Yuan-er wants to sleep with Uncle Yue tonight.”

Now that he knew that his Qi-ge had actually kept his word of coming back for him and that it wasn’t his fault at all that he was late, Shen Jiu didn’t want to be separated from him ever again. Being in a child’s body helped because it wasn’t the least bit shameful that a six-year-old wouldn’t want to sleep alone, especially after losing a beloved parent.

Yue Qingyuan patted him on the head. “Alright then. Yuan-er can sleep with Uncle Yue.”

Shen Jiu walked into Yue Qingyuan’s bedroom, took one look around the place, and then he looked at Yue Qingyuan.

“You live like this?” he demanded.

Yue Qingyuan looked back at him, nonplussed. “What’s wrong with it?”

What was wrong with it?? To begin with, his room was rather simple! Too simple, in fact. It only contained a wardrobe, dressing table and a simple pallet on the floor. The walls were undecorated and upon closer look at the bedsheet and blanket, they were of simple cotton. The only quirk was a small stuffed toy next to his pillow. Otherwise, this could pass as the rented room of a middle-class bachelor, instead of the room of the sect leader of the most powerful sect in the world! What was wrong with him??

Shen Jiu put his hands on his hips. “If outsiders were to see your bedroom, they would think that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is secretly bankrupt for the sect leader to be sleeping in such a shabby room! The Ku Xing Peak Lord’s bedroom is more luxurious than yours!”

Not that Shen Jiu had actually seen the Ku Xing Peak Lord’s bedroom, but he bet all his fans that it was less spartan than Yue Qingyuan’s.

“My room isn’t that bad,” objected Yue Qingyuan. “And in any case, I never saw the need for unnecessary luxuries.”

“Pei!” spat Shen Jiu.

How was having a proper bed with nice bedsheets an “unnecessary luxury”? Alright, so maybe little Yue Qi and Xiao-Jiu would have seen this room as incredibly luxurious, considering that they had never had a bed before, but they weren’t those slave brats anymore. And hadn’t been in a very long time.

Hmmm, perhaps he could convince Yue Qingyuan to buy a proper bed later. Tomorrow morning, he would cry a little and complain about how uncomfortable Uncle Yue’s bed was. Throw in a reminder about his little orphan boy status and that might be enough to persuade Yue Qingyuan into buying the kind of bed he actually deserved to sleep in. Yes. Shen Jiu could later on put up some of his own paintings and hanging scrolls to give the room some character.

“Yuan-er, if you don’t like Uncle Yue’s bed, you can sleep in the sideroom,” suggested Yue Qingyuan.

Shen Jiu shook his head. “No! I want to sleep with Uncle Yue!”

“Alright then, you can sleep in Uncle Yue’s bed,” replied Yue Qingyuan. “Uncle Yue will just sit on the floor and medi–”

Shen Jiu kicked his leg. “No! Weren’t you listening to me at all? I said that we’re sleeping together! Now, go lie down on the bed!”

Yue Qingyuan took off his outer robes and haircrown and obediently laid down on the bed. Shen Jiu undressed as well. He was about to flop down on Yue Qingyuan when he took a closer look at the stuffed toy. Wait a moment, wasn’t this the same toy dog that the wretched beast had bought for him years ago, using Yue Qingyuan as an intermediary? He had thought the body thief had gotten rid of it a long time ago. What was it doing here?

Shen Jiu picked up the toy, opened the window and used all his strength to throw the stuffed dog as far away as he possibly could. He wanted nothing tainted by the beast anywhere near his Qi-ge!

“Ah,” said Yue Qingyuan, staring mournfully at the window.

“Uncle Yue doesn’t need such an ugly thing in your room,” insisted Shen Jiu. “If you really want a stuffed toy to hug, then-” he rummaged in his bag and triumphantly pulled out his favourite stuffed toy “-you can hug Miss Kitty instead.”

“Is Yuan-er sure?” questioned Yue Qingyuan gently. “I know that Miss Kitty is your favourite.”

“It’s a loan, I’m not giving her to you permanently,” retorted Shen Jiu. “And I already have Soldier-Gege anyway.”

“In that case, then I’ll happily accept Miss Kitty,” replied Yue Qingyuan. And he solemnly took Miss Kitty from Shen Jiu and settled her in the crook of one arm. Once that was done, Shen Jiu flopped down on him.

“Uncle Yue doesn’t have any extra pillows, so now Uncle Yue has to be my pillow,” explained Shen Jiu.

“Alright. Tomorrow I’ll buy some extra pillows for you,” promised Yue Qingyuan.

He’d be buying more than a few pillows if Shen Jiu had his way.

“Okay,” said Shen Jiu and he closed his eyes, letting the sound of his Qi-ge’s heartbeat lull him to sleep.

True enough, the next day after breakfast, Shen Jiu complained about the bed and not only did Yue Qingyuan agree to getting a new bed, he even invited Shen Jiu to help him pick out a new bed. And so it was that Shen Jiu picked out a nice four-poster bed, silk bedsheets and a few soft feather pillows. If his Qi-ge wouldn’t buy nice things for himself, then Shen Jiu would pick for him!

He wanted nothing more than to continue to stick close to Yue Qi – they had years to catch up, after all – but seeing his ex-disciples walking around in mourning clothes reminded Shen Jiu that he needed to check up on a certain thing.

Shen Jiu looked up at Yue Qingyuan. “I need to go back to the Bamboo house.”

“Alright, we’ll go together,” replied Yue Qingyuan calmly.

Shen Jiu shook his head. “No, I want to be alone for a while.”

Yue Qingyuan frowned. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” insisted Shen Jiu.

He gave Yue Qingyuan a little shove. “Go back to Qiong Ding Peak. I’ll come by later.”

Yue Qingyuan opened his mouth. Shen Jiu braced himself for an argument about how Yuan-er certainly couldn’t be left alone after his recent bereavement and should Yue Qingyuan get Ning Yingying or Ming Fan to babysit him in the meantime if he didn’t want him around?

“Alright.”

Shen Jiu almost did a double take, but waited a moment to see if Yue Qingyuan was going to insist on him having a babysitter. Instead, he just smiled and said that he would see him in the evening and walked off.

Shen Jiu blinked. Well, that was easy. Perhaps Yue Qingyuan thought that he wanted some time alone to cry about the body thief. Oh well, that made it easier for him to do what he wanted to do.

Shen Jiu went back to his house and used the To and Fro amulet to transport him to the little mushroom farm that he, the rat and the body thief had tended to for nearly three years. Almost all the mushrooms allocated to the body thief were dead and rotting. All except one. There was a single mushroom standing proudly in one corner and glowing faintly.

Shen Jiu let out a breath. The rat had already told him that his body thief baba had successfully entered the Flesh Seed they had prepared, but seeing it for himself relieved a lot of tension. He didn’t know how long it would take for the seed to mature though. According to the body thief, Proud Immortal Demon Way only said that it took “some time”. Questioning the rat only earned a shrug from the so-called god of this world. And to add upon that, there was the possibility that the experimental fertiliser that the rat had used, could affect the incubation period of the Flesh Seed.

Shen Jiu hoped that the fertiliser wouldn’t affect the growth process either. It would be horrible if his baba came out of this with a twisted and deformed body. But there was nothing Shen Jiu could do about it, other than to curse the rat. Once again, all he could do was wait. Wait until the body thief emerged from the Flesh Seed. And he hated waiting. Shen Jiu spun on his heel and used the To and Fro amulet again to return to the Bamboo House. Staying here wouldn’t change anything.

A commotion of voices woke Shen Jiu up from his sleep. The bed was empty. Shen Jiu scowled. That big idiot must have tiptoed out once Shen Jiu had fallen asleep to go to do paperwork in his office. He would definitely be giving him a piece of his mind for that!

Shen Jiu got out of bed and went to the door. Closer to the door, he could make out the brute and Mu Qingfang’s voices. Shen Jiu quietly cracked open the door to listen to their conversation.

“-and that’s how I ended up in Huan Hua Palace. Once I was brought there, Luo Binghe ordered me to take a look at Shen-shixiong’s corpse. I expected to be taken to a rotting, decaying corpse, but to my surprise, the body was so well-preserved that one would think that Shen-shixiong was merely asleep, if not for the fact that he wasn’t breathing,” came Mu Qingfang’s voice.

“Really? How has he been preserving his corpse?” asked Yue Qingyuan.

“Luo Binghe’s forcefully channelling his spiritual energy into Shen-shixiong’s corpse everyday,” answered Mu Qingfang. “But doing that only barely prevents the body’s decay while consuming an enormous amount of spiritual power. Furthermore, if he even stops for a single day, all of his efforts will go to waste.”

“But why is he doing this?” questioned Yue Qingyuan. “Why is he going through so much effort to preserve a corpse?”

“He wants to bring Shen-shixiong back to life,” stated Mu Qingfang baldly. “That’s why he kidnapped me in the first place. He thought that I could do it.”

Mu Qingfang paused. “I’m not going to say that I wasn’t a little flattered that Luo Binghe thought so much of my medical skills that he thought that I could bring back the dead, but–”

“But dead is dead,” interrupted the brute. “If you could truly bring the dead back to life, you would be a god.”

“Anyway, Liu-shixiong rescued me when he came to fight Luo Binghe at Huan Hua Palace today,” continued Mu Qingfang.

The brute snorted. “You mean, he let me take you back. If he really wanted to keep you, he would have fought harder. I know that beast enough by now to know that.”

Yue Qingyuan’s brow furrowed. “Still, I don’t like this at all. Why does Luo Binghe want Qingqiu-shidi to be brought back from the dead? Wasn’t it enough that Qingqiu-shidi gave his life to quell the burgeoning backlash from his demonic weapon? What else does he want?”

Oh, Shen Jiu could take a good guess as to why. Not that saying it would help.

“Maybe I should go to Huan Hua Palace myself and take back Qingqiu-shidi’s corpse,” mused Yue Qingyuan.

Like hell was Shen Jiu going to let his Qi-ge anywhere near the beast!

He threw open the door and ran over to Yue Qingyuan, throwing his arms around his waist and hugging him tightly.

“Uncle Yue, no!” wailed Shen Jiu. “Don’t go! Don’t leave Yuan-er!”

He didn’t even have to pinch himself to make himself cry. All he needed to do was think about “ten thousand arrows” and “not even bones remained” and this body immediately turned on the waterworks. Shen Jiu squeezed Yue Qingyuan’s waist. There was no way he was going to let his Qi-ge go. He had just gotten him back! He would never let him go to his death like he had in Proud Immortal Demon Way! He didn’t care that the beast had less reason to kill Yue Qingyuan than his story counterpart — Shen Jiu still wasn’t going to take the risk!

Yue Qingyuan rubbed his back soothingly. “There, there, Yuan-er, don’t cry. If Yuan-er doesn’t want Uncle Yue to go, then of course Uncle Yue won’t go.”

“Shixiong!” growled the brute.

“This child has just lost his father,” Yue Qingyuan reminded him. “Is it any wonder that he’d be terrified of the possibility of losing another loved one?”

Mu Qingfang frowned. “But still–”

“I promised Qingqiu-shidi years ago, that if it ever came to a choice, I would put his son’s well-being above his own,” said Yue Qingyuan firmly. “And I always keep my word.”

“We understand, zhangmen-shixiong,” murmured Mu Qingfang. “Come along, Liu-shixiong. We need to go to my peak so that I can treat your injuries properly.”

The brute grumbled, but obediently followed Mu Qingfang out of the house. Once they were gone, Shen Jiu pulled his face away from Yue Qingyuan’s stomach and stepped on his foot. Hard.

“What ‘always keep my word’? You promised that you’d sleep with me tonight and then you snuck out to do paperwork!” scolded Shen Jiu.

“Uncle Yue is sorry, but I actually said that I’d lie down with you. I never promised how long I was going to lie down,” pointed out Yue Qingyuan. “And some of the paperwork was rather urgent and needed my seeing to.”

“I still didn’t give you permission to leave,” retorted Shen Jiu.

“You were asleep,” Yue Qingyuan reminded him. “I didn’t want to disturb your sleep.”

Shen Jiu scowled at him. “But you still woke me up nonetheless.”

Yue Qingyuan took out a handkerchief and dried Shen Jiu’s tears. “Don’t be upset, Yuan-er. Uncle Yue just has a lot of work to do. That’s why I can’t be sleeping for so long. Understand?”

Shen Jiu looked away from him and sniffed hard. Yue Qingyuan chuckled and patted his head.

“How about this? What if I get a couch for the study?” suggested Yue Qingyuan. “We can sit together for a while and then Yuan-er can nap on it while I do the paperwork.”

Shen Jiu still didn’t like it, but he supposed that this was the best a workaholic like Yue Qingyuan could offer for now.

“Fine,” he muttered. “But I get to pick the couch.”

“Yuan-er can choose whatever couch he likes,” agreed Yue Qingyuan.

More important than a stupid couch, was what the beast was going to do now that the best physician in their world had told him that he couldn’t resurrect Shen Qingqiu. He definitely wasn’t going to give up that easily. Shen Jiu needed to talk to him and find out what he was planning. The problem was, how?

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Luo Binghe drummed one hand against the Old Palace Master’s ornate golden chair – now, his chair, of course. Another day of dealing with meaningless minutiae, another day of having to listen to the wittering of various Huan Hua Palace sect members, another day without Shi–

No. He couldn’t afford to think like that. He would eventually get Shizun back. And thanks to Sha Hualing, he finally had hope. The demoness had popped up suddenly a while back and tried to flirt with him. It had taken Luo Binghe nearly beating her into a pulp for her to realise that Luo Binghe would rather her dead than sleep with her. She had then frantically begged for mercy, first by offering herself as an underling and then by offering a chance to resurrect Shizun. Aka, the Holy Mausoleum.

The Holy Mausoleum was both a sacred land and a forbidden area in the Demonic Realm, where the demonic supreme leaders were laid to rest. It contained plenty of rare treasures, but what was most important to Luo Binghe, was that it contained the Coffin of Resurrection, which could recall the soul back to a corpse.

Unfortunately, the Holy Mausoleum could only be accessed by high-ranking demons, which meant that Luo Binghe couldn’t just depend on Huan Hua Palace alone. No, he had to take over the Demonic Realm as its emperor. Of course, that could take years to do. Which was why Luo Binghe was also seeking out and capturing Black Moon Python-Rhinoceroses as well. Thanks to his Shizun’s teachings, he was well-aware that the cry of said beasts had space-manipulation abilities. Enough of the creatures amassed together could be enough to break the barrier, allowing Luo Binghe to slip inside with Shen Qingqiu’s corpse, seek out the Coffin of Resurrection and bring Shizun back to life.

Luo Binghe scowled down resentfully at Xin Mo in his sheath. Things would be a lot easier if he could just use this damned sword to cut a way into the Holy Mausoleum, and out again. But no, it didn’t work like that. For something like the Holy Mausoleum, with all its protections, the wielder of Xin Mo had to have visited it at least once on their own before Xin Mo could take them in again. Wretched thing! Luo Binghe hadn’t forgotten or forgiven it for its role in Shizun’s death. If it wasn’t so useful with dealing with demon nobles and capturing Black Moon Python-Rhinoceroses, Luo Binghe would have long since pitched it back into the Endless Abyss for its crime!

A cough shook Luo Binghe from his reverie. He looked up to see a Huan Hua Palace disciple nearby.

“Begging your pardon, Palace Master, but we caught an intruder earlier,” said the disciple.

Luo Binghe sighed. “Are they from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect?”

Liu Qingge wasn’t the only member of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect to try to take away Shizun’s body – just the most persistent of the lot. The others had attempted subterfuge, but they all had failed, including this latest one.

The disciple shifted from one foot to another. “Not exactly. It’s just that he demands to see you in person.”

Luo Binghe raised an eyebrow. “And why should I?”

“Er… because he said that he knew a way to resurrect Shen Qingqiu?” said the disciple.

Luo Binghe sat up a little straighter. Technically, he already had a way and this was likely a con, but he didn’t dare to dismiss it out of hand. What if this intruder was telling the truth and he did have a faster method?

“Alright, bring him in,” ordered Luo Binghe.

The Huan Hua Palace disciple nodded and ran off. Shortly afterwards, he returned with two other disciples following behind him, both of them holding a wriggling child between them.

Luo Binghe frowned. A child? What was such a little boy doing here? How had he even got in in the first place?

The boy glared at him.

Ah, he knew that scowl, alright. Despite the fact that it had been half this child’s lifetime since he had last seen him.

“Hello, Yuan-er,” greeted Luo Binghe.

The glare directed at him became even more intense.

What was Yuan-er doing here? If some stupid underling had dared to kidnap him in an attempt to curry favour with Luo Binghe, thinking that with the father dead, he might like the son, he would have to severely punish the moron in question. How had they even gotten into Cang Qiong to kidnap him anyway? Was the security of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect that bad? He would have to tell Zhangmen-shibo – no, Zhangmen-Yue – to update the security of their wards. Who was in charge of this child anyway? Because they needed to take greater care of him.

Luo Binghe started mentally drafting a letter to Yue Qingyuan. Dear Zhangmen-Yue, to my utter surprise, I found that one of my underlings had kidnapped Yuan-er in an attempt to curry favour with me. Never fear, I have severely reprimanded said fool. However, I suggest that you update the protection wards around Cang Qiong so that this doesn’t happen again.

Yuan-er kicked in the air. “Put me down, you fools!” he demanded.

The Huan Hua Palace disciples looked at Luo Binghe for instruction. Only when he nodded at them, did they relax and drop Yuan-er to the floor. The little boy made a show of dusting himself off, then drew himself up to his full height of nearly four zhang and addressed Luo Binghe.

“Luo Binghe, I, Shen Yuan, son of Shen Qingqiu, demand that you return his body to me so that we can conduct the proper funeral rites and put him to rest,” declared Yuan-er.

Instead of replying, Luo Binghe studied the little boy. He really didn’t look like Shizun at all, which made it unlikely that he was truly Shizun’s son. But then again, Luo Binghe couldn’t talk. Despite the Old Palace Master’s jabberings about Su Xiyan, who was possibly Luo Binghe’s birth mother, the only mother Luo Binghe would ever acknowledge was the old washerwoman who had taken him in and loved him as if he’d been born of her own flesh. His birth mother on the other hand, whoever she was, had put his newborn self in a basket and pushed him off into the river in the dead of winter to either perish of exposure or die of hunger. He could never love such a cold-hearted woman.

“How did you get here?” inquired Luo Binghe.

“A tall demon with an icy demeanour and a blue huadian painted on his forehead brought me here,” answered Yuan-er.

Luo Binghe raised his eyebrows. That sounded like Mobei-Jun, and while the ice demon could easily slip through Cang Qiong’s wards thanks to his long… relationship with Shang Qinghua, Luo Binghe found it hard to believe that he would stoop to kidnapping a child. Firstly, for all that Luo Binghe hadn’t known him for long, Mobei-Jun seemed far more likely to murder someone than kidnap them. Secondly, if Mobei-Jun had kidnapped Yuan-er, why then did he not bring him straight to Luo Binghe? Why had he chosen to leave Yuan-er on Huan Hua grounds to wander around until he was caught? He’d have to ask Mobei-Jun about this later.

“Who’s looking after you now anyway?” asked Luo Binghe.

“Uncle Yue,” answered the little boy.

Luo Binghe spared a moment to light a candle for his poor shibo’s arms. Knowing Yuan-er and his penchant for biting the sect leader, those arms were probably half-eaten by now.

Yuan-er stamped his foot. “Well? Are you going to give me back Baba’s body or not?”

“No,” replied Luo Binghe calmly.

Yuan-er scowled at him. “Why not? Uncle Mu said that the dead can’t be brought back to life, so why keep Baba’s corpse?”

Luo Binghe had been debating on whether to tell this child or not, but now he finally made up his mind. He approached the little boy and knelt down in front of him.

“Mu Qingfang is right – cultivators cannot bring back the dead,” he told Yuan-er. “But in the Demonic Realm, there is a place called the Holy Mausoleum which contains an artefact that can do just that. Luo-gege is working hard in order to gain access to that place so I can bring Shizun back to life. Wouldn’t Yuan-er be happy if that was to happen?”

Yuan-er frowned as he chewed his lower lip in thought. Luo Binghe waited patiently for the little boy to make up his mind.

“I want to see Baba first before I decide,” he said at last. “Where is he?”

“In Palace Master Luo’s bedroom,” replied one of the disciples.

Suddenly, Luo Binghe felt a sharp pain in his abdomen.

“You disgusting beast!” snarled Yuan-er as he twisted the knife in Luo Binghe’s belly before pulling it out and stabbing him again. “I always knew that you were a depraved creature but I didn’t think that even you would stoop so low!”

Luo Binghe gritted his teeth as he grabbed Yuan-er’s hand to stop him from stabbing him once again and easily disarmed him. Thanks to his Heavenly Demon heritage, these stab wounds were of little consequence and were already healing, but that didn’t mean that he enjoyed getting stabbed. Who on earth had allowed Yuan-er to get his hands on a knife?

Luo Binghe went back to mentally composing his letter to Yue Qingyuan. Dear Zhangmen-Yue, much to my horror, I found that Yuan-er had a knife with him. Need I remind you that Yuan-er is only six years old and thus, far too young to be holding edged weapons without strict supervision? Please keep a closer eye on him.

“Give me back my knife!” yelled Yuan-er as he grabbed at the knife.

“No,” said Luo Binghe firmly, putting the knife away. “You’re too young to be playing with knives.”

“Give it back, you filthy necrophiliac!” screamed Yuan-er.

“Despite rumours to the contrary, I haven’t dishonoured Shizun’s body in any way,” snapped Luo Binghe.

Yuan-er sniffed. “I’ll be the judge to that! Now take me to Baba’s corpse!”

Luo Binghe sighed internally. This child was as bossy as ever. Still, he obediently took him to the Huan Hua Pavilion where he kept Shizun’s body. The room was always kept ice-cold to preserve Shizun’s body. The temperature must be intolerable for such a little boy, but for all that Yuan-er shivered and put his hands in his armpits to warm them up, he didn’t utter so much as a single word of complaint.

Solely because Yuan-er was Shizun’s son, Luo Binghe put his hand into his qiankun pouch, pulled out a fur coat that Mobei-Jun had given him and passed it to Yuan-er. The little boy put it on without so much as a word of thanks. He was practically swimming in the coat, but nonetheless he shuffled towards the bed.

“Baba,” he whispered.

Yuan-er then climbed up onto the bed. Luo Binghe quelled the prick of jealousy he felt. Yuan-er was Shizun’s little son, he reminded himself. It was perfectly understandable that he’d want to hug Shizun too and–

“What do you think you’re doing?” shrieked Luo Binghe.

From his position on top of Shizun, hands still undoing Shizun’s robes, Yuan-er turned his head to give him a disbelieving look. “You have my baba’s body in your bed and you’re asking me what do I think I’m doing?”

Luo Binghe put his hands on his hips. “What are you doing anyway?”

“Checking to see if you’ve done any depraved acts to Baba, of course,” replied Yuan-er promptly.

“Do you even know how to examine a person for such things?” demanded Luo Binghe.

“Of course!” said Yuan-er proudly. “I read one of Uncle Mu’s books!”

Luo Binghe decided that he didn’t want to argue with Yuan-er any further, nor did he want to see him actually examining Shizun’s body, so he turned around and faced the wall. He occupied himself by once more going back to the letter he was going to send Zhangmen-Yue after this.

Dear Zhangmen-Yue, to my shock and horror, I found Yuan-er examining a dead body! When I asked him what he was doing, he proudly told me that he had read one of Mu Qingfang’s medical books on how to examine a corpse! While I will admit that Yuan-er is rather precocious, I do believe that we both can agree that he is far too young to be reading such books. Please monitor the books he’s reading from now on.

He was wondering how long it would take for Yuan-er to finish his examination when he heard a loud slurp behind him. Luo Binghe turned around to see Yuan-er sitting at the edge of the bed and eating the congee he had made for Shizun.

“Yuan-er, that congee was meant for Shizun, not you,” scolded Luo Binghe.

“He’s dead, he won’t be eating it any time soon,” retorted Yuan-er. “Besides, knowing Baba, he would have been perfectly fine with his cute little son eating his congee rather than starving to death.” He took another mouthful of congee. “This is cold, by the way.”

Luo Binghe resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Of course the congee was cold! It had been in a cold room for nearly a shichen! Also, speaking from experience, Yuan-er wouldn’t have starved had he missed a meal. Sure, he had outgrown most of his toddler chubbiness, but he was definitely a well-fed child.

“Satisfied that I haven’t dishonoured Shizun?” he asked.

“Yes, it seems that regardless of your various crimes, necrophilia isn’t one of them,” admitted the little boy grudgingly. “Anyway, Yuan-er has something to say.”

“Somehow I doubt that it’s an alternative method to resurrecting Shizun like you told my underlings,” replied Luo Binghe dryly.

“Yuan-er will help stupid demon to bring back Baba,” elaborated Yuan-er, ignoring his previous comment.

Luo Binghe raised his eyebrows again. Yuan-er was only six years old! What could a little child do to help him? Nevertheless, he appreciated the sentiment – especially since it was obvious that Yuan-er still didn’t like him at all. No harm in humouring the little boy, right?

“Thank you, Yuan-er,” said Luo Binghe. “That’s very kind of you.”

Yuan-er got off the bed just so that he could stamp his foot again. “No, I meant it! Don’t treat me like a baby!”

Said the person who was stamping his foot. Luo Binghe repressed a smile. From experience, him smiling at Yuan-er when he was in this mood could send the little boy into a tantrum. And he wasn’t that nostalgic to see Yuan-er rolling around on the floor, kicking and screaming.

“Alright, how are you going to help me?” asked Luo Binghe.

“There are plenty of books in the Qiong Ding and Qing Jing libraries. Yuan-er can look in them and see if there’s a clue to where the Holy Mausoleum is,” said Yuan-er. “You don’t know where it is, right?”

He didn’t, but he really doubted there was anything in Cang Qiong’s libraries that had anything pertaining to the Holy Mausoleum. There certainly wasn’t in the Huan Hua Palace libraries, after all. Still, there was no harm in looking.

“Alright, I’ll trust Yuan-er to do research in the libraries, then,” replied Luo Binghe gently.

Yuan-er pointed a finger at him. “Send me a teleportation amulet so that we can meet up and discuss our progress. I need to know how close you are to resurrecting Baba.”

Bossy little thing.

“Alright, I’ll go look for something like that,” promised Luo Binghe.

There might be something like that in the Huan Hua Palace treasury. He would have to check later. And if there wasn’t, he’d have to task some underlings to find one. What else were they good for anyway?

__________________________________________________

Liu Qingge spat out a tooth as he used Cheng Luan to help him stand. He glared at the white-eyed wolf across him. He was aching from head to toe, but the demon’s injuries were already healing as he watched. That was the biggest trouble with fighting Luo Binghe. It wasn’t just that he was skilled at sword fighting thanks to his and Shen Qingqiu’s tutelage, and had a powerful demonic weapon as well. No, the things that truly made him such a terrible foe were his incredible stamina and regenerative powers. No wonder people used to say that Heavenly Demons were in another league compared to other demons!

Liu Qingge wasn’t stupid. He knew full well that the only reason the demon never killed him was because he was Shen Qingqiu’s martial brother, though that didn’t stop him from beating him black and blue every time they fought. Liu Qingge gripped his sword hard. That was his mistake though. One of these days, Liu Qingge would finally defeat this ungrateful shizhi, retrieve Shen Qingqiu’s corpse and lay him to rest! He didn’t care how many times the beast knocked him down! As long as he still had breath in him, he would continue to fight!

“Before you go, Liu Qingge, I have something for you,” drawled the beast. He made a beckoning gesture and then two Huan Hua Palace disciples appeared carrying a struggling child in between them. A very familiar child.

Liu Qingge narrowed his eyes at Luo Binghe. “Not only content with the father, you dare to take the son as well!”

The demon let out an aggrieved sigh. “Trust me, I didn’t want him either. Rest assured that it won’t happen again.”

Saying that, he picked up the little boy and flung him at Liu Qingge. Shen Yuan shrieked as he flew through the air, but Liu Qingge caught him easily. He got onto Cheng Luan, holding the little boy by the scruff of his robes and flew off back to Cang Qiong.

Once they were a safe distance away, Liu Qingge shook the little boy. “How could you let yourself get kidnapped?” he scolded. “Zhangmen-shixiong and the rest of the disciples on Qing Jing Peak must all be tearing out their hair in frantic worry as they search for you!”

“How could you let yourself constantly be defeated by Luo Binghe?” retorted Shen Yuan. “Aren’t you the war god of Bai Zhan Peak? At this rate, people will be calling your peak ‘Ninety-Nine Battle Peak’ instead!”

Liu Qingge went bright red. This insolent little brat! As quick as a flash, he held the boy out into space.

“You rude little brat, have you no respect for your elders?” he scolded. “Do you want me to drop you from here?”

Instead of apologising or crying for mercy, the little brat scowled back at him. “Do it then, if you dare,” he taunted. “The first thing I’ll do in the afterlife is tell my baba who sent me here.”

Both war god and child glared at each other for a while. Then, Liu Qingge grudgingly pulled back his arm. He’d only meant to scare the brat into some manners, he wouldn’t have actually dropped him to his death. What a disagreeable, insolent little boy, he was! Whoever his mother was, she had definitely tricked his martial brother. This brat was nothing like Shen Qingqiu, either in looks or personality!

…To be honest, if this brat reminded Liu Qingge of anyone, it was of the old Shen Qingqiu before that qi deviation six years ago. But that didn’t make any sense! No, it was far more likely that this brat’s actual father was a ruffian of some sorts for this child to turn out like this. And Shen Qingqiu hadn’t helped matters by spoiling the brat and refusing to give him so much as a well-deserved spanking! Liu Qingge resolved to advise Zhangmen-shixiong not to spare the rod when it came to this child. If Shen Yuan was to grow up to be a good man, he needed a firm and strict hand to guide him on the right path.

Because he had the brat with him, instead of heading to Qian Cao Peak for a healing like he usually did, Liu Qingge went to Qiong Ding Peak instead. He was unsurprised to find the disciples of that peak running about everywhere and poking in bushes as they called for the brat. Amongst them was Yue Qingyuan, worry written all over his face as he looked here and there. When he caught sight of Liu Qingge, or rather, the child with him, he immediately relaxed. Liu Qingge descended to the ground and passed the brat over to him. Yue Qingyuan hugged the brat tight to his chest.

“Lucky kid,” mumbled a nearby Qiong Ding disciple for some reason.

“Oh, you gave us all quite a scare, Yuan-er. Are you hurt anywhere? Don’t do that again, alright?” Yue Qingyuan chided the little brat. He then turned to Liu Qingge. “Thank you shidi, for finding him. Where was he anyway?”

“In Huan Hua Palace,” answered Liu Qingge. “It seems like one of the demon’s underlings thought that he might want the son since the father was dead. The demon didn’t want to deal with the brat for long so he was only too happy to pass him to me.”

“I see,” said Yue Qingyuan, a frown on his face.

Shen Yuan tugged on his robe and said in a sticky-sweet voice, “Uncle Yue, Yuan-er wants to go inside and drink tea with you.”

“Alright, we’ll go drink tea,” promised Yue Qingyuan.

Liu Qingge rolled his eyes. The brat was too old to refer to himself in the third person! And he was only doing it to look cute anyway!

“Zhangmen-shixiong, you need to be strict with Shen Yuan,” Liu Qingge told him. “Too much spoiling will only ruin him.”

“I understand, shidi,” replied Yue Qingyuan. “Thank you once again for bringing Yuan-er home. Now if you’d excuse us, we’ll be returning to my house for some tea.”

Liu Qingge watched as Yue Qingyuan turned around and started to walk back to his house, still carrying the brat in his arms. He watched as Yue Qingyuan stopped one of his disciples to order them to go to Qing Jing Peak and inform them that the brat had finally been found and was now with him. That done, he turned his spirit sword towards Qian Cao Peak and flew off. If he wanted to be in good condition for tomorrow’s fight with Luo Binghe, then he definitely needed Mu Qingfang to see to his wounds.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Shen Jiu heaved a sigh of relief when he entered the mushroom farm. Finally, he could return to check on his baba’s mushroom! Ever since his “kidnapping”, nobody had allowed him out of their sight for weeks! And it wasn’t as if Shen Jiu could tell them that his kidnapping had been no such thing. In fact, he had both physically and emotionally blackmailed the rat into getting his demonic partner to smuggle him into Huan Hua Palace.

When threatening to reveal all the rat’s crimes to Yue Qingyuan hadn’t worked, Shen Jiu had simply hit the man with “you owe me” and the rat immediately folded like a cheap pack of cards and agreed. After that, the rat called the demon he was in league with over, and Shen Jiu was forced to watch the most shameless, revolting display of groveling that he had ever seen in his life. The rat had clung to the demon’s thigh, and cried and whined and begged until the demon finally gave up and agreed to bring Shen Jiu into Huan Hua Palace. If Shen Jiu was in the ice demon’s place, he would have murdered the rat on the spot just to shut him up.

Anyway, that was how he had gotten into Huan Hua Palace. He went with the ice demon, who proceeded to dump him in the nearest garden and promptly disappeared, leaving Shen Jiu to find himself a way to the beast. Which actually took some time, thanks to the incompetence of the Huan Hua disciples, but he had achieved his goal in the end.

Shen Jiu approached the faintly glowing mushroom that contained his baba’s soul and knelt before it.

“Hello, Baba,” he greeted. “I’m back again for a visit.”

He felt a little foolish, talking to the mushroom, but it wasn’t as if there was anyone else around to see him. Unsurprisingly, the mushroom didn’t reply.

“Everyone has been missing you dearly,” Shen Jiu told the mushroom.

It wasn’t just the beast, though he was the most deranged of them all. The Qing Jing Peak disciples were all still in mourning clothes and it wasn’t uncommon for someone on Qing Jing Peak to suddenly burst out in tears, thinking about the body thief. There was Liu Qingge, fighting a Heavenly Demon halfbreed daily for Shen Jiu’s old body and Yue Qingyuan had set up an altar for the body thief in his home and put offerings on it everyday. Shen Jiu had gotten worried that he might go out to seek the beast to get his old body back, so Shen Jiu made him swear again that he wouldn’t. He wasn’t sure about the other Peak Lords, though many of them visited him frequently to see how the “poor little thing” was managing. The poor little thing in question, had to restrain himself each and every time not to bite their heads off.

But honestly, judging from everyone’s reactions to the body thief’s (temporary) death here, Shen Jiu seriously doubted that everyone in his homeworld had mourned him briefly and then went back to their daily lives like the body thief had told him. In fact, he would not be surprised at all if the god that brought the body thief over told him that there were a score of handsome young men weeping over the body thief’s grave everyday.

“There’s something I have to tell you,” continued Shen Jiu. “I’ve decided to work together with the beast in order to resurrect you.”

He put a hand out. “Before you get any ideas about how we’ve finally gotten close and are now best friends, I’m telling you now that I still hate him. It’s just that–” he bit his lip “–I don’t know if the Sun and Moon Dew Mushroom will work out or not. Especially since the rat poured an experimental fertiliser on it. It might fail or you could end up with a twisted, deformed body for all we know. Best to have an alternate option, just in case.”

Shen Jiu smiled at the mushroom. “Don’t worry baba, I haven’t told the beast about your mushroom and I had a little chat with the rat so that he doesn’t think of telling either.”

He got to his feet and dusted himself off. “Well, it’s time for me to get back before another search party is sent out. I’ll visit again, Baba.”

Shen Jiu nodded at the mushroom and used the teleportation amulet to send himself back. It was almost time to have tea with his Qi-ge, after all.

Chapter Text

Shen Jiu plucked the strings of his qin, as he played one of the more complicated pieces that he had learnt as a disciple. Yue Qi was currently in the middle of a meeting so he was all alone in his house. Ah, he certainly didn’t miss having to attend boring meetings.

Shen Jiu knew that he should be going back to research, to ploughing the rest of the Qing Jing Peak library for any mention of the Holy Mausoleum, but he didn’t feel like it right now. He had already gone through most of the books and scrolls pertaining to the Demonic Realm, and he hadn’t found anything regarding that subject!

He had also searched for any mention of a god named “System” but had found nothing. Though that wasn’t surprising, considering that both the body thief and the rat had mentioned that the god could read their thoughts. Hard to tell future generations about a god that could pluck a soul from one world and insert it into a completely different body when said god was spying on your every single move and thought.

Speaking of the rat, here he was, furtively scuttling into Yue Qi’s house, looking like he was up to no good. Shen Jiu knew that he should have locked the front door earlier, but it was a warm day and he had ended up flinging the door open to increase the chance that a stray breeze would enter. The rat turned his head from left to right, and even looked over his shoulder, surveying his surroundings as if he expected Yue Qingyuan to jump out at him. When the coast remained clear of Yue Qingyuan, then only did the rat approach Shen Jiu.

The rat pulled out an amulet from his qiankun pouch and handed it to Shen Jiu. “Shen-shixiong, this is from Luo Binghe. If you feel it grow warm, that means he wants to talk to you and if you press this jewel in the centre twice–” he indicated said jewel “–it will teleport you to his side.”

Shen Jiu squinted at the amulet. He might not have memorised Proud Immortal Demon Way from beginning to end like his body thief baba, but he recognised this gaudy-looking thing. It was actually half of a set, called the King and Servant Amulets.

Historically, it was used by a king who had used it to summon his greatest servant, who was either a spy or an assassin, Shen Jiu couldn’t exactly remember which, whenever he wanted him. The twin of this amulet, the king’s amulet, had no teleportation ability. But by pressing the design in its front, the king would inform his servant that he needed to speak to him immediately. The servant would then use the amulet to teleport to the king’s side. The thing was, that the servant could not teleport to their master’s side whenever they pleased – the king had to grant permission first by pressing the design again.

In Proud Immortal Demon Way, the servant half had been given to Mobei-Jun, and Luo Binghe had used his half to summon the ice demon whenever he pleased. When the body thief had narrated this part to Shen Jiu, Shen Jiu had pointed out that it made no sense for the beast to give such an amulet to Mobei-Jun, since it was already stated that the ice demon had teleportation abilities, to which the body thief had screamed “I KNOW RIGHT?!!” And then he went on a long rant about the stupidity of it all.

Shen Jiu didn’t like the implication that the beast saw him as one of his servants by giving him this particular amulet, but he supposed that beggars couldn’t be choosers. He grabbed the amulet away from Shang Qinghua and stuffed it in one of his pockets.

“Did the beast say anything else?” demanded Shen Jiu.

“He said that he’d like it if you could bring him Zheng Yang,” answered the rat. “That’s his old spirit sword, in case you don’t remember.”

Shen Jiu bristled at this. Did the beast really think him his servant, to be sent to fetch and carry whenever he pleased?

“Of course I remember his spirit sword,” barked Shen Jiu. “How could I forget when Baba used it to create a sword mound for the beast?”

The rat winced. “Ahaha, yeah. That’s a little hard to forget.”

…On second thought, maybe he should bring the beast his old sword. Despite what his body thief baba had said about Xin Mo being the beast’s “golden finger”, Shen Jiu could read enough between the lines to know that Xin Mo was bad news. The fact that the beast didn’t have enough control over the demonic weapon to stop it from recoiling, proved that it was far better to snap the thing in half than to continue using it. Perhaps if the beast had his old sword back, he wouldn’t have to use Xin Mo anymore.

“So, are you going to bring him Zheng Yang?” asked the rat.

Shen Jiu waved him off. “I’ll think about it. Now go away.”

The rat obediently scurried off. Once he was gone, Shen Jiu thumped the back of his head lightly against the wall. He couldn’t do what the beast wanted him to do today. Not when he already had dinner plans with his Qi-ge. Besides, it was best not to look as if he was eager to do the beast’s bidding. Which he wasn’t.

“Thanks for bringing me Zheng Yang, Yuan-er,” said the beast politely.

Shen Jiu grunted in reply. When the Qing Jing Peak disciples discovered that the beast’s sword was missing from the sword mound – and they would soon enough, he was going to hint that he’d seen the rat around the area just prior to its theft. While little would come of it, at least it would inconvenience the rat a bit. And he deserved to suffer every single inconvenience this world could offer.

“So, did you find out anything about the Holy Mausoleum?” asked the beast, in the tones of someone who didn’t really think Shen Jiu would have found anything, but was only being polite.

“Not yet,” replied Shen Jiu through gritted teeth.

He had gone through the whole of Qing Jing Peak’s library, and the only mention of the Holy Mausoleum he found was a single paragraph mentioning that the Holy Mausoleum was where high-ranked demon nobles were laid to rest. Asking the rat wasn’t much help either, for he claimed that he only remembered what the Holy Mausoleum was used for and that it was full of treasures and traps.

He had also muttered something about having plans for the Coffin of Resurrection that had to be scrapped, but at least he confirmed that yes, putting Shen Jiu’s old body into said artefact should be able to bring back the body thief.

“Though there is an itty-bitty chance that it might yoink your soul instead since you were the original owner,” the rat had added.

Shen Jiu looked at his old body still lying in the beast’s bed and had to shudder with disgust. If he had the tiniest bit of desire to go back to his old body before this, it had been completely extinguished upon knowing that the beast cuddled his old body to sleep every night. (Yes, he knew that it was to impart qi in order to keep the corpse fresh, but he still found it utterly revolting!) The frequent qi deviations and Without-A-Cure were bad enough, but now even if Shen Jiu was to scrub his old body a million times over, it wouldn’t rid it of the taint of the beast’s stink. No, the body thief was very welcome to that body – Shen Jiu was perfectly content with his current one, child body notwithstanding.

He really hoped that if the beast used the Holy Mausoleum to bring back his Shizun, it would grab the body thief’s soul. If Shen Jiu had to open his eyes to see the beast leering over him, he would have to commit suicide on the spot. Better that than having to deal with his wretched old body again!

“Yuan-er, it’s alright that you didn’t find anything,” said the beast gently. “Even amongst demons, such knowledge is difficult to find.”

Shen Jiu folded his arms and looked away from him. He didn’t appreciate the beast’s condescension one bit! Besides, he wasn’t done yet looking for information about the Holy Mausoleum. If Qing Jing Peak’s library and the rat were useless, then perhaps Qiong Ding Peak might have the knowledge he wanted. Surely there would have been a sect leader in the past who was curious about the treasures hidden away in the Holy Mausoleum, right?

“Thanks for trying anyway,” continued the beast.

Shen Jiu’s eye twitched. He had about enough of the beast’s condescension! Time to hit him back!

“You know, baba practically saved your life by throwing you into the Endless Abyss back then,” drawled Shen Jiu. “If he hadn’t, you would have been torn apart by a mob of angry cultivators.”

The beast straightened. “How do you know about that?”

“Baba got very drunk one time and cried about it,” lied Shen Jiu. “Even if it was to save your life, he really regretted it for the past three years.”

The beast’s eyes went to the corpse in his bed. “Shizun…” he murmured, eyes going misty.

Shen Jiu put his hands on his hips. “I bet that you’re now wishing that you didn’t order those sower demons to lie about Baba ordering them to spread plague in Jinlan City, huh.”

The beast turned back and looked at him with wide eyes. “Yuan-er, I didn’t have anything to do with those sower demons. And I definitely didn’t get them to blacken Shizun’s name.”

The Luo Binghe of Proud Immortal Demon Way was a born liar, but somehow Shen Jiu believed the current Luo Binghe. He wasn’t as blackened as his story counterpart – the fact that Liu Qingge was still alive despite the constant fights was proof of that.

“Then who did it?” demanded Shen Jiu. “Was it that demoness who attacked Cang Qiong a few years back?”

The beast shook his head. “I don’t know, but it’s definitely not Sha Hualing. I thoroughly interrogated her to confirm that.”

There was a dark smile playing on his lips. Shen Jiu almost pitied the demoness who, no doubt, had suffered a bloody interrogation. Almost.

But if Sha Hualing was innocent, then who could it be? It was definitely someone that his body thief baba had encountered, because Shen Jiu himself never had encounters with powerful demons.

“Baba once rescued some men from the clutches of Madam Meiyin and her succubi,” said Shen Jiu slowly. “Maybe this Madam Meiyin has a grudge against him?”

The beast frowned. “I don’t know, Yuan-er. Succubi usually don’t have much to do with sower demons, and I can’t see what she’d offer them to lie.”

Shen Jiu stamped his foot. “Stupid beast. She might not have directly caused it – maybe she got one of her lovers to take revenge on her behalf.”

Luo Binghe nodded. “I’ll look into it. Thank you for telling me this, Yuan-er.”

Shen Jiu grunted. He just wanted the person who had blackened his baba’s name punished.

“What were you doing at Huan Hua Palace anyway?” he asked, curious despite himself.

The beast sighed. “Back then, I was thinking that if I joined a cultivator sect and did good there, I could show Shizun that I could be a righteous cultivator despite being half-Heavenly Demon. I hadn’t expected the Old Palace Master to name me his head disciple so quickly, but I planned to use that position to increase my reputation. And once it was good enough, I would seek out Shizun to show him.”

He sighed again. “But then we reunited faster than I thought at Jinlan City and well, you know what happened from there.”

Shen Jiu nodded. It was incredibly naive of the beast to think that being a righteous cultivator was enough for people to overlook his blood. The jianghu hated demons. Especially Heavenly Demons. No matter how many good deeds he did, the moment the truth about his heritage was revealed, the entire cultivation world would turn against him. There was a reason why Cang Qiong was so insistent on calling him a demon, after all. But perhaps, the beast didn’t care what the cultivation world thought of him as long as the body thief thought well of him.

“I’m surprised that you didn’t accuse me of bringing in Qiu Haitang though,” continued the beast.

Shen Jiu snorted. “You chugged vinegar every time Baba paid attention to other people. There was no way you’d ever bring in a love rival.” He paused. “Even if the engagement was many years ago and the love was long dead.”

The beast chuckled tiredly. “You’re right there, Yuan-er.”

“Who was it that brought her to Jinlan City anyway?” questioned Shen Jiu. He knew that it was likely that ex-disciple turned assistant librarian, but it would be nice to have it confirmed.

“Yuan-er doesn’t need to know,” answered the beast. “I’ve already handled it.”

Shen Jiu stamped his foot again and scowled at the beast. “But I still want to know! Tell me!”

“No,” said the beast simply, and he leaned over to press the jewel in the centre of Shen Jiu’s amulet. Before Shen Jiu knew it, he was back in his bedroom on Qing Jing Peak. He mentally cursed the beast and pressed the jewel in his amulet twice. But no matter how many times he pressed on the jewel, it refused to bring him to Huan Hua Palace again.

That damned wretched beast! Shen Jiu wasn’t even done talking to him yet! He relieved his rage first by hitting his pillow and then by using a lot of swear words that he had picked up both from his time in the streets and from his body thief baba who could swear worse than a sailor when he got started. Just what was so hard about telling him who the culprit was??

He paused his hitting for a moment. Wait a minute, why was the beast so evasive about revealing who was behind Qiu Haitang’s appearance? Were things more complicated than he thought? The only thing he could think of that would complicate things was if the Old Palace Master was involved, but that didn’t make any sense! Neither him nor the body thief had ever offended that old bastard to the extent that he might want to drag Shen Qingqiu’s name into the mud.

…Alright, so there had been that time at the Immortal Alliance Conference where Shen Jiu had taken advantage of his toddler form to mock the Huan Hua Palace disciples, but there was no way that the Old Palace Master was that much of a petty bastard to hold such a grudge for something small like that. No, there had to be something else. Ah well, he’d eventually pry it out of the beast one of these days. Though perhaps if he found more information about the Holy Mausoleum, that would give him some leverage to pry this matter out of the beast. Yes. Tomorrow, he’d do more research on the Holy Mausoleum.

________________________________________________________

Yuan-er was back again. It had been a couple of months since he had last used the amulet to signal Luo Binghe that he wanted to come over, and Luo Binghe was starting to think that maybe Yuan-er had given up on his promise that he would help him. Of course, the first thing he had done when he had come over was to yell at him for sending him off without warning that day, and the second thing he had done was–

“Why are you still using that cursed thing?” demanded Yuan-er, pointing to Xin Mo at his hip. “You have Zheng Yang back, so why aren’t you using it?”

“It’s in a safe place,” answered Luo Binghe. “Besides, Xin Mo is more useful to me right now.”

Yuan-er stamped his foot. “No, it isn’t! That’s the thing that killed Baba! You shouldn’t be using it anymore now that you have an alternative!”

“Yuan-er needn’t worry, I already have taken steps to make sure that Xin Mo can’t recoil on me again,” assured Luo Binghe.

Though he was absolutely not going to be telling the little boy exactly how he was ensuring that anytime soon.

Yuan-er stamped his foot again. “I don’t care what ‘precautions’ you’re taking!” He jabbed his finger again at Xin Mo. “I may be only six, but even I know that a sword like that is nothing but trouble! Especially when it’s called Xin Mo!”

Luo Binghe sighed. Yuan-er did have good points, but he still found himself reluctant to discard Xin Mo. Not when it was so useful with dealing with demon nobles. And even if he did discard it, some rival could pick it up. And he couldn’t afford to deal with a rival holding Xin Mo, he already had enough problems as it was.

“Where are you even keeping Zheng Yang anyway?” demanded Yuan-er.

Luo Binghe’s eyes went to the place in the rafters where he had kept the newly-repaired Xiu Ya and Zheng Yang tied together. It gave him some comfort to know that even though he and Shizun were currently separated by death, at least their spirit swords could be together.

Yuan-er’s eyes followed his gaze and he pulled a face when he saw the two swords tied together. He opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment, Qin Wanyue entered the room.

“Palace Master Luo, the Little Palace Mistress is throwing a tantrum in her rooms,” she said meekly, doing her best to look soft and pitiful.

Luo Binghe resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The Little Palace Mistress was only a little younger than himself, but she was worse than Yuan-er in his terrible twos when it came to temper tantrums. The Old Palace Master really had spoiled her rotten.

“Let her throw tantrums all she likes. She’ll wear herself out eventually,” he retorted.

Qin Wanyue bowed to him. “Yes, Palace Master.”

Luo Binghe expected her to turn around and leave, but she didn’t. Instead she looked beseechingly at him.

“Palace Master Luo, is there anything that I can help you with?” she asked.

The urge to roll his eyes grew even stronger. As if he didn’t know that she was hoping to eel her way into his bed. Well, too bad for her, for he only had space in his heart for Shizun and Shizun alone.

“No,” he said bluntly. “Go away.”

Qin Wanyue’s eyes started to brim with tears and she sniffed delicately. When Luo Binghe remained unmoved, she slowly turned around and walked away, looking like the very picture of a heartbroken maiden.

Yuan-er watched her go, a frown on his little face. When she was finally gone, he turned back to Luo Binghe.

“You want to watch that one,” advised the little boy. “She looks like the type who’ll slip an aphrodisiac into your tea and just happen to be the only person in the room at the time.”

Just what kind of books was this child reading? Luo Binghe made a mental note to send a letter to both Yue Qingyuan and Ning Yingying to supervise Yuan-er’s reading material. Books that talked about aphrodisiacs were not appropriate for a six-year-old to read. Still, he felt a little touched that Yuan-er cared enough about him to warn of such things.

“Yuan-er needn’t worry about such things,” replied Luo Binghe gently. “I always make my own tea and food.”

When he chose to eat and drink, that was.

Yuan-er immediately bristled. “Who said I was worried about you? I couldn’t care less if you dropped dead at this very moment!”

Luo Binghe held his hands out in a placating gesture. “Alright, alright, I was wrong. You don’t care at all about me.”

Yuan-er nodded sharply. “And don’t you forget that.”

“I won’t,” promised Luo Binghe.

Yuan-er folded his arms and sniffed.

“By the way, I found out where you can access the Holy Mausoleum,” he added.

Luo Binghe immediately perked up. From what he had found out, the Holy Mausoleum was in a secret area somewhere in the Demonic Realm. Knowing where the access point was, wouldn’t allow Luo Binghe to enter it at this point, but at least he’d know where to aim those Black Moon Python-Rhinoceroses he was collecting.

“Where?” he asked.

Yuan-er shook his head. “I’ll only give you the information if you tell me who was it that brought Qiu Haitang to Jinlan City and tried to slander Baba’s reputation.”

Luo Binghe sighed. He should have known that Yuan-er wasn’t going to let that go. Now how to make the whole sordid affair be more child-friendly?

“Alright, I’ll tell you,” he said at last after thinking for a moment.

Yuan-er nodded and waited impatiently.

Luo Binghe took a deep breath. “Well, you see, the Old Palace Master had a head disciple before Gongyi Xiao, who he had not-very-Shizunly feelings for. Apparently I look a lot like this previous head disciple, so when I showed up at Huan Hua Palace, the Old Palace Master wanted me to take her place. And he was very unhappy when I refused to call him ‘Shizun’, so he decided to drag Shizun’s reputation in the mud in the hopes that I wouldn’t like Shizun anymore.”

“Translation: the Old Palace Master was a perverted bastard lusting after his previous head disciple and when you showed up, he started projecting her on you so much that he hated that you still claimed Baba as his Shizun,” commented Yuan-er. “And so he decided to get rid of his rival.”

“...Yes.”

Just what on earth was Yuan-er reading? Luo Binghe mentally underscored his reminder to tell Shen Yuan’s current guardians to supervise his reading material.

Yuan-er put his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes at Luo Binghe. “Did the Old Palace Master try anything funny with you?”

“No,” answered Luo Binghe calmly.

He had tried to take advantage of him while he had been fresh in his grief over Shizun’s death, but Luo Binghe would be damned if he told Yuan-er that.

Yuan-er immediately relaxed. “Ah. Good, then.”

Luo Binghe was about to ask him the whereabouts of the Holy Mausoleum’s access point when Yuan-er spoke up again.

“So, you killed the Old Palace Master after you found out what he had done, right?”

“...”

“You didn’t kill him?!” squawked Yuan-er. “You idiot! You utter imbecile! You nincompoop! You–”

Luo Binghe let the little boy continue insulting his intelligence until he finally ran out of steam and resorted to glaring at him.

“I didn’t kill him because Shizun wouldn’t have liked it if I did,” he informed Yuan-er. “Shizun believed in the sanctity of human life and never killed another human being.”

Yuan-er snorted. “He was far too soft for his own good, you mean.”

Luo Binghe didn’t reply to that. He had always admired Shizun for his compassion and kindness, even though he himself couldn’t be like him. It was rather sad that Shizun’s own son couldn’t see that.

“So, what did you do with the Old Palace Master anyway?” continued Yuan-er. “The fact that you took over Huan Hua Palace and the fact that he hasn’t shown up to denounce you yet definitely proves that you did something with him. You can’t have thrown him into the Water Prison or else one of these imbeciles here would have found him earlier, so you must have put him somewhere else. Did you throw him into the Endless Abyss?”

Luo Binghe wished that he had thrown the Old Palace Master into the Endless Abyss. That way, Qiu Haitang wouldn’t have escaped with him after Luo Binghe was done punishing him for what he had done to Shizun. He hadn’t been lying to the Little Palace Mistress when he told her that he would look for her father. But so far, no signs had been found of either Qiu Haitang or the Old Palace Master.

“You didn’t throw him into the Endless Abyss, did you?” guessed Yuan-er. He sighed. “Then what did you do to him?”

Was telling a six-year-old child that you ripped off all the limbs of a grown man inappropriate? Probably. Now how to make it sound better?

“The Old Palace Master may now be missing a few parts,” hedged Luo Binghe.

“You turned him into a human stick?” demanded Yuan-er.

What kind of books was this child reading? Luo Binghe mentally underlined the reminder to tell Yue Qingyuan and Ning Yingying to supervise Yuan-er’s reading material three times.

“If you were going to cut off all his limbs, you should have gone one better and cut off his head as well,” snapped Yuan-er. “Even without his arms and legs, as long as the Old Palace Master has a brain and intact spiritual abilities, he’ll always be a potential danger. Go and cut off his head now!”

It was Luo Binghe’s turn to sigh. “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Yuan-er narrowed his eyes again. “You lost him, didn’t you?”

“Qiu Haitang ran off with him,” answered Luo Binghe.

The little boy cursed long and vicious. Luo Binghe raised his eyebrows, both impressed and worried at the swear words coming out of that small mouth. Who was teaching him these things? He added a mental postscript to the letter he was going to send Yue Qingyuan and Ning Yingying that Yuan-er was picking up swear words and for them to do something about it.

“Yuan-er shouldn’t use such bad words,” he chided. “It’s very rude.”

“Piss off!” retorted Yuan-er. “You’re not my baba or my guardian!”

That was true. He wasn’t. For now, at least.

Yuan-er rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “But where did they go? I can understand why they didn’t go to Cang Qiong for help, but why didn’t they go to Zhao Hua Temple or Tianyi Overlook? All the Old Palace Master has to do is show off his injuries to get sympathy and aid.”

Luo Binghe shrugged. “I don’t know either.”

Yuan-er shook his head slowly. “This is going to come back to bite you in the ass,” he predicted.

“I’ll deal with it when it happens,” retorted Luo Binghe coldly. “Now where’s the access point to the Holy Mausoleum?”

Yuan-er put his hand in his sleeve and pulled out a scroll. “There was an account of an attempted heist of the Holy Mausoleum in the sect leader’s library. I copied it down for you.”

Luo Binghe unfurled the scroll. Yuan-er’s handwriting was surprisingly neat, for such a little boy. It was an account of two rogue cultivators who had disguised themselves as demonic servants and joined a funeral procession for a high-ranking demon noble in the hopes of robbing the Holy Mausoleum. They hadn’t gotten very far when they had been discovered and had to flee for their lives.

Luo Binghe rolled up the scroll. This was more than he had ever expected Yuan-er to find. To be honest, he had expected Yuan-er to only look through a few books and then get bored of searching. It seemed like he really was serious about helping him bring back Shizun.

“Thank you, Yuan-er,” he said.

Yuan-er ignored his thanks, his eyes going to his baba in Luo Binghe’s bed.

“Out of curiosity, what would you do if after you resurrect Baba and confess to him, Baba says, ‘I’m sorry, Binghe, but I only care for you as a dear disciple. I can’t return your feelings?’” asked Yuan-er.

Luo Binghe froze. Shizun not reciprocating his feelings had been his second-worst nightmare before the Endless Abyss. This nightmare had often been coupled with his worst nightmare, in which Shizun got married to Liu Qingge. He knew what he would do if that ever came to pass, and that was throwing himself at Shizun’s feet and begging to please, please, please still allow him to stay with him. He’d be Shizun’s faithful servant, his loyal disciple, his adoring pet. Anything. He’d take any scrap of love from Shizun as long as he didn’t abandon him. Not again. He didn’t think his heart could take it anymore.

Of course, that wasn’t what Yuan-er wanted to hear. So what Luo Binghe replied was, “If that is what Shizun wants, I will definitely respect his wishes and back off.”

Yuan-er didn’t look convinced, but he pointed a finger at him. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Luo Binghe nodded. He really, really hoped that Shizun would reciprocate his feelings after he was brought back to life.

______________________________________________________

Yue Qingyuan had never been happier in his life. His Xiao-Jiu wasn’t actually dead after all, and better yet, they were friends again. When Xiao-Jiu first started clinging to him, he thought that this was only because his best friend was grieving his baba’s death and he would soon return to his usual behaviour. But when Xiao-Jiu continued to stay close to him, to talk with him, to demand his time and attention, even going to the extent of insisting they sleep together like they had as children, Yue Qingyuan was forced to conclude the truth.

Xiao-Jiu had somehow forgiven him for his miserable failure.

He still didn’t understand how that had happened. When Yue Qingyuan recalled how he had behaved after Shen Qingqiu’s death, he was filled with the deep desire to hide under his blankets and never come out again. How shamefully he had behaved. Xiao-Jiu had just lost his beloved baba and instead of comforting him, Yue Qingyuan had broken down in front of him, leading Xiao-Jiu to comfort him. Even if Xiao-Jiu was the actual six-year-old that he was thought to be, that was still terrible of him. Yue Qingyuan had racked his head for an explanation, and the only thing he could think of was that perhaps Shen Qingqiu had something to do with it. Yet another thing he owed the man.

(Yue Qingyuan had already decided to call the Shen Qingqiu of the past six years as Shen Qingqiu since he had no idea what his previous name was, and also because Xiao-Jiu seemed perfectly fine with giving up that name).

He still didn’t understand how Xiao-Jiu had ended up in a child’s body, but he did have a working theory. Xiao-Jiu had died in that qi deviation six years ago when he wasn’t supposed to, and at the same time, there had been a soul slated for reincarnation. One celestial mix-up and the soul slated for reincarnation had woken up in Xiao-Jiu’s body instead. There had been enough of Xiao-Jiu’s po remaining for the new soul to have some of his memories and all of his skills, and that was why he could still carry out his duties as a Peak Lord.

And this was also why all of their tests for possession had failed. Possession by definition, was a deliberate, malicious act, and this had been neither.

Yue Qingyuan could understand why the new Shen Qingqiu had chosen not to say a word about this. If he had, at best, he would have been considered insane and at worst, he would have been sentenced to torture and life imprisonment. It was completely understandable that he wouldn’t want that – especially since it wasn’t his fault at all that he had ended up in Xiao-Jiu’s body.

Of course, being such a good and kind man, Shen Qingqiu must have felt guilty about taking over another person’s life, so he must have discreetly searched for Xiao-Jiu. Considering that Xiao-Jiu had been given up so easily, his current parents must not have been good sorts at all. And Shen Qingqiu seeing this, had chosen to bring back Xiao-Jiu to Qing Jing Peak and raise him as his own. And of course, Xiao-Jiu wouldn’t want to go back to his old body considering the frequent qi deviations and the fact that it was currently infected with Without-A-Cure. Not when his new body had strong cultivation potential.

He was missing something, Yue Qingyuan knew. Xiao-Jiu had always been the suspicious sort, so what had made him trust Shen Qingqiu enough that he had never even tried to rat him out despite the many, many chances he had? He could always ask Xiao-Jiu, but since he didn’t seem to want Yue Qingyuan to know who he was, Yue Qingyuan would just have to remain in ignorance for now.

In the meantime, Yue Qingyuan could now fulfil his life-long dream. And that was spoiling his Xiao-Jiu rotten.

Today, he had taken Xiao-Jiu to the nearest city for a trip. Xiao-Jiu had taken one look at the crowd and then demanded that Yue Qingyuan let him ride on his shoulders, to which Yue Qingyuan had readily agreed to. Once Xiao-Jiu was sitting on his shoulders, radiating smugness, Yue Qingyuan had brought him around to the shops and stalls and bought him everything that he demanded. Xiao-Jiu had gleefully accepted each and every gift, a far cry from the days when he’d look at Yue Qingyuan’s proffered presents as if Yue Qingyuan had brought him a dead rat and then Yue Qingyuan would never see him using any of them. Most likely he had disposed of said gifts shortly after Yue Qingyuan left the Bamboo House.

After that shopping spree, Yue Qingyuan took Xiao-Jiu out for lunch at the best restaurant in the city. As a barefooted slave, he had always dreamed of feeding his friend until his belly grew round and now he could finally do so.

Xiao-Jiu pushed Yue Qingyuan’s chopsticks away from him. “No more, I’m already full.”

“Yuan-er is a growing boy. He needs to eat more,” countered Yue Qingyuan.

“With the amount of food I’ve eaten today, I’ll only grow widthwise,” complained Xiao-Jiu.

Hehe, chubby Xiao-Jiu with round plump cheeks and a little belly. He’d like to see that.

“Children are supposed to be chubby,” replied Yue Qingyuan, bringing the chopsticks with their held morsel back close to Xiao-Jiu’s mouth, which remained stubbornly closed.

“Just one last bite?” he wheedled.

Xiao-Jiu scowled at him, but at last relented. “One last bite.”

He ate the morsel from Yue Qingyuan’s chopsticks, a scowl still present on his cute little face as he chewed. Yue Qingyuan patted him on the head once he was done.

“Well done, Yuan-er. You ate all of your food,” he praised.

“Whatever,” grumbled Xiao-Jiu. “Can we go home now?”

“Of course,” said Yue Qingyuan, relishing in that word. Home. For so long, his place in Qiong Ding Peak had merely been a house that he had inhabited, but now after Xiao-Jiu had partially moved in and insisted on decorating it, it had truly become a home.

This time, Xiao-Jiu insisted on walking. And so they walked through the city, Xiao-Jiu’s now tiny hand in his, until they reached the place where their carriage was waiting, got into it, and let the carriage driver take them back to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.

Xiao-Jiu’s current body was that of a child, so it wasn’t any surprise to Yue Qingyuan when his head started to nod and his eyelids started to droop. Boldly daring, Yue Qingyuan gently pushed his head down to lie in Yue Qingyuan’s lap. Xiao-Jiu made no protest, and when Yue Qingyuan looked down, he saw that his friend was fast asleep.

Ah, this was so nostalgic. How many times had they used each other’s lap as their pillow when they were children together? He stroked his friend’s hair briefly before turning to look outside the window.

It was all too soon when they reached Qiong Ding Peak. Xiao-Jiu was still fast asleep and Yue Qingyuan was loath to wake him up. Instead, he carefully picked him up. Xiao-Jiu grumbled sleepily, but subsided when Yue Qingyuan rubbed his back. He nodded to the coach driver and began to walk to his house. To his surprise, when he reached there, he found Mu Qingfang and Qi Qingqi waiting outside his house.

Yue Qingyuan smiled at them. “Mu-shidi, Qi-shimei, what a pleasant surprise.”

“Zhangmen-shixiong, may we have a moment of your time?” asked Mu Qingfang politely.

Ah. Yue Qingyuan could take a guess to why they were here.

“Of course,” he replied. “Just let me put Yuan-er to bed,”

His two martial siblings nodded, and Yue Qingyuan opened the door for them. He carried Xiao-Jiu to his bed and carefully tucked him in. That done, he left the bedroom and made tea for his two martial siblings, who were waiting patiently in the living room. Both Qi Qingqi and Mu Qingfang murmured their thanks upon receiving the tea.

As soon as Yue Qingyuan sat down with them, Qi Qingqi spoke up, “Zhangmen-shixiong, it’s already been months. When are you going to help Liu-shidi take back Shen Qingqiu’s body so that we can give him a proper burial?”

Ah. Like he thought, this was about Shen Qingqiu. To be honest, he too would like to put Shen Qingqiu to rest. He owed the man so much for loving and raising his Xiao-Jiu and giving him a happy childhood. Lighting incense and putting offerings on his funeral altar daily seemed a poor way of repaying him for all that he had done. But Xiao-Jiu was very insistent that he let Luo Binghe keep his corpse. And not only did Xiao-Jiu know Shen Qingqiu better than all of them, he was the original owner of the body. If anyone had the right to decide what should be done with the corpse, it was him. But it wasn’t as if he could tell his martial siblings that.

“Do you remember when one of Luo Binghe’s underlings kidnapped Yuan-er?” he asked.

Both of his martial siblings nodded.

“Well, during his time in Huan Hua Palace, Luo Binghe told Yuan-er that he was planning to resurrect Shen Qingqiu,” continued Yue Qingyuan. “If you were a little boy and had just lost your beloved baba, and someone told you that they were planning to bring your baba back to life, you’d be happy, wouldn’t you? You’d be hoping that he’ll be able to do it, wouldn’t you? Well then, how would you feel if one of your uncles took back your baba’s corpse and buried it?”

Mu Qingfang looked down at his cup of tea. “If I were Yuan-er, I’d never forgive you for it,” he said at last. “I’d always be wondering if Luo Binghe could have pulled it off if he had more time.”

There was a story there. But it wasn’t Yue Qingyuan’s place to pry. What was important was that Mu Qingfang understood why he wasn’t trying to retrieve Shen Qingqiu’s corpse.

Qi Qingqi frowned. “But still–”

“I promised Qingqiu-shidi some years back that if anything happened to him, I would put his son first,” said Yue Qingyuan. “When time goes by and Shen Qingqiu still remains dead, Yuan-er will eventually lose faith in Luo Binghe, and that will be the time I help Liu-shidi to take back Shen Qingqiu’s body so that we can give him a proper funeral.”

What he also wasn’t telling his martial siblings was that Xiao-Jiu genuinely believed that there was a chance that Luo Binghe might successfully pull this off. Xiao-Jiu hadn’t told him much, but he knew that Xiao-Jiu was helping Luo Binghe figure out a way to bring back Shen Qingqiu from the dead. Luo Binghe sending him a letter insisting that he supervise Xiao-Jiu’s reading material and complaining about him using swear words had pretty much confirmed that they were in contact somehow. Well, Xiao-Jiu would tell him what was going on when he was ready. For now, Yue Qingyuan would continue to remain patient.

There was more talk, but in the end, Yue Qingyuan convinced his martial siblings that he was only holding back for Yuan-er’s sake, and would take action once he finally lost hope in Luo Binghe. Qi Qingqi wasn’t entirely happy with his decision, but at least Mu Qingfang seemed to understand.

The bedroom door creaked open once they had left, and a small figure came out, a hand rubbing at his eye.

“Did you have a good nap, Yuan-er?” asked Yue Qingyuan.

Instead of answering, Xiao-Jiu made his way to him, climbed into his lap and buried his face in his chest.

“Thank you,” he mumbled.

Yue Qingyuan hugged him. “Anytime, Yuan-er. Anytime.”

_______________________________________________________________

Shen Jiu walked into Yue Qingyuan’s study. The man himself was out teaching his disciples, so Shen Jiu was free to read whatever he pleased from his shelves. He doubted that he’d find anything more regarding the Holy Mausoleum, but there might be something in these books about the Sun and Moon Dew Mushroom.

Shen Jiu checked his baba’s mushroom every week and while it was a relief each time to find it still glowing, he still didn’t know how long it would take for the mushroom body to be completed. He had searched in the Qing Jing Peak library, but the one book that had mentioned it claimed that it would take “several years”, which was far too vague for Shen Jiu’s liking. It was more likely that the information he was seeking was somewhere in Qian Cao’s library, but he hoped that Yue Qingyuan’s personal library would have the answer. He did not want to make that long journey all the way to Qian Cao Peak. This body was still lacking in stamina and it would be a long time before he got a new spirit sword. While it wouldn’t be too hard to convince someone to take him to Qian Cao Peak, convincing Mu Qingfang or the other Qian Cao Peak members to give him access to their medical books was another story altogether.

His relationship with Yue Qingyuan was now almost back to the way it was when they were children together. Shen Jiu hadn’t realised how nice it was to be able to talk to his Qi-ge like he used to, to be able to sit together in silence enjoying each other’s company, to cuddle together and to share the same bed. It made him want to go back in time and beat up his past self for being so proud and stupid. Why hadn’t he pushed Yue Qingyuan more for an explanation? Why hadn’t he trusted that there had to be a reason why Qi-ge hadn’t come back for him? Why hadn’t he seen that all the times Yue Qingyuan had stood up for him and stayed by his side wasn’t just because of guilt? So many years wasted all because of his own anger and resentment. Ah well, at least they were together now. Even if Yue Qingyuan didn’t know who he really was. Not that Shen Jiu was going to tell him anytime soon. At least, not before the matter of his body thief baba was settled.

When they were young, Yue Qi had done his best to look after and protect the other slave children, even to the extent of attempting to intercede on their behalf whenever they got in trouble with the slavers. His Qi-ge would even give his food to the younger brats when they whined that they were hungry, never mind that his own stomach was growling with hunger. It had been up to Shen Jiu to protect him from his own impulsivity and the other street children. It had been Shen Jiu who had to either chase away those greedy, grasping brats, or share his own food with his best friend. He often had a few steamed buns hidden away in his clothes, either stolen or bought with the money he had earned from begging. It had thrilled him to see the sour looks on the faces of those brats who had just been patting themselves on the back for successfully conning his Qi–ge out of his dinner.

It had come to a shock to Shen Jiu to find out that no one was taking care of his friend now that he was Yue Qingyuan. No one was making sure that he had time to rest or to take care of himself. In the end, it was he who had to browbeat Yue Qingyuan into delegating some of his duties to his disciples so that he had more free time for himself. He was the one who had to scold Yue Qingyuan into spending some money on himself. He was the one who had to properly furnish and decorate Yue Qingyuan’s room so that it didn’t look so spartan. What good was being the sect leader if one couldn’t enjoy some of the privileges that came with that position?

Once again, he had to curse his past self for being too blind to see how miserable and overworked Qi-ge really was. He, of all people, knew how his Qi-ge could smile and act like nothing was wrong, even when his face and body was bruised from a beating. He had always been the sort to hide his pain away, but Shen Jiu as a child, had always known. When had he lost that ability?

And that reminded him. He was still a little miffed at Yue Qingyuan for bouncing back so quickly after his supposed death. Sure, he was lighting incense and putting offerings on his funeral altar everyday, but still. Shen Jiu would have thought that he’d be sadder for a longer time, though admittedly he’d be just as miffed if Yue Qingyuan was all depressed after the body thief’s passing.

Back to the present, he had already been through most of the books here, but perhaps there might be something in Yue Qingyuan’s study table drawers. The first drawer had only brushes, ink sticks, an extra ink stone and some sheets of paper. The second drawer contained scrolls pertaining to the management of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. The third drawer on the other hand…

Shen Jiu’s eye twitched as he lifted three paintings from the drawer. Oh, he remembered these paintings, alright. Some years back, the body thief had decided to do some paintings of him. The ones where he was holding a toy or sleeping were… fine, he supposed. But what had possessed the body thief to do paintings of him throwing a tantrum and brooding in his cot. It was definitely brooding, and not sulking whatever the body thief said.

When Shen Jiu had first discovered the paintings, he had tried to destroy them. When he had been caught before he could do so, he demanded that the body thief get rid of those paintings immediately. His body thief baba had seemingly acquiesced, which had mollified him greatly. And then he had walked into Yue Qingyuan’s house for another babysitting session, only to find three of the offending paintings framed on the wall! The temper tantrum he had thrown that day had been legendary. In the end, Yue Qingyuan had taken down the paintings and claimed that he had gotten rid of them.

Only it looked like he hadn’t. Shen Jiu glared at the paintings. The first one was of him as a toddler, lying on the floor, kicking and screaming. The other two were of him in baby jail. One was of him glaring at the viewer through the bars of his miniature prison, and the last was of him with his arms crossed, and back towards the viewer.

Shen Jiu knew what he had to do. He had to burn these humiliating paintings at once. But before he could do so, a large hand plucked the paintings away from him. Shen Jiu glared at the culprit. Just when had Yue Qingyuan entered and how was it that a man as big as him could be so sneaky?

“Give me back those paintings!” demanded Shen Jiu as he reached out, trying to take back the pictures.

Yue Qingyuan kept the paintings well out of his reach and shook his head. “No.”

Shen Jiu hopped, arms outstretched, in an attempt to grab the paintings. Yue Qingyuan kept the paintings well out of his reach. Damn this wretched child body for being too short!

Shen Jiu scowled at Yue Qingyuan. “Uncle Yue needs to get rid of those awful pictures.”

Yue Qingyuan shook his head again. “Absolutely not.”

“Why not?” demanded Shen Jiu.

“Because it’s nice to have paintings of Yuan-er when he was a cute two-year-old,” explained Yue Qingyuan.

Shen Jiu pouted up at him. “Uncle Yue doesn’t think Yuan-er cute now?”

Yue Qingyuan gave his cheek a quick pinch with his free hand. “Yuan-er is cute at every age,” he agreed. “But it’s nice to have paintings of you when you were younger.”

Shen Jiu rubbed his pinched cheek. It looked like acting cute wasn’t going to work. Damn.

“Get rid of those terrible paintings at once!” he ordered.

Yue Qingyuan slipped the paintings into a qiankun pouch instead. “Sorry, Yuan-er, but Uncle Yue is not going to do that. How about we compromise? What if I put these paintings in my qiankun pouch so that no one else will see them?”

Shen Jiu glared at him again. He knew that smile Yue Qingyuan was wearing. It meant that he wasn’t going to be budging at all on this subject. Well, if he wanted to be stubborn over some stupid paintings, then he needed to be punished for this.

“Arm!” snapped Shen Jiu.

Yue Qingyuan immediately presented him with an arm. Unfortunately, not the one holding the qiankun pouch, but he had expected that. Shen Jiu grabbed said arm and started biting down hard on it. Yue Qingyuan winced, but didn’t take his arm away. Suffer for your stubbornness, Yue Qi!

Once he had tired of biting him, then only did he allow Yue Qingyuan to take away his arm.

“Is Yuan-er still mad at me?” asked Yue Qingyuan.

“Yes,” snapped Shen Jiu.

“Uncle Yue is sorry,” apologised Yue Qingyuan, in the tones of someone who wasn’t actually sorry.

Shen Jiu kicked his leg in response and stomped off. Stupid Qi-ge! What was so great about a bunch of dumb pictures anyway? He was going back to Qing Jing Peak now.

Shen Jiu saw a cluster of Qiong Ding disciples whispering amongst themselves on his way to Qing Jing Peak. He was about to ignore them, but his ears pricked up upon hearing them mention Shen Qingqiu’s name. Now, what was this about his body thief baba and this “Resentment of Chunshan”?

Chapter Text

Shen Jiu stomped his way to Qing Jing Peak, a scowl on his face. Damn those Qiong Ding disciples! He had only wanted to know what this “Resentment of Chunshan'' had to do with his body thief baba and they had immediately clammed up and refused to speak any further. No doubt it was a nasty piece of gossip, but Shen Jiu still wanted to know what the masses were currently saying about Shen Qingqiu. Those disciples had to pay!

Shen Jiu stopped stomping and put on his “adorable child” face on as he approached Ning Yingying, who was discussing a piece of literature with some of the other disciples.

Shen Jiu gently tugged on one of her sleeves. “Ning-jiejie, can I ask you a question?”

Ning Yingying smiled down at him. “Of course, Yuan-er. What is it?”

“What’s Resentment of Chunshan?” asked Shen Jiu, cocking his head to one side, eyes as big and innocent as he could make them.

Ning Yingying immediately stiffened. “Where did you hear that?”

“Yuan-er heard some of the geges and jiejies on Qiong Ding Peak mention it,” answered Shen Jiu. “Yuan-er asked them what it meant, but they wouldn’t tell me.”

Ning Yingying’s eyes narrowed. “Names?”

Shen Jiu immediately gave up the names of said disciples without hesitation. If he had learned anything from his body thief baba, it was that sometimes it was best to let others take revenge for you.

“What does it mean, Ning-jiejie?” asked Shen Jiu.

“It’s a scurrilous piece of gossip, that’s what it is!” burst out Ming Fan. “Yuan-er doesn’t need to know about such slander!”

Could he get away with knowing what slander meant or not at this age? Maybe best not to seem too precocious.

Shen Jiu cocked his head to the other side. “What’s ‘slander’ mean?”

“It means that people are telling bad lies about Shizun,” explained Disciple Wong.

“What bad lies? What are people saying about baba?” demanded Shen Jiu.

Ning Yingying shook her head and patted Shen Jiu on his head. “It’s grown-up stuff, Yuan-er. We’ll tell you when you’re older.”

And that was that. Ning Yingying and the other disciples would say nothing more on the subject. Shen Jiu fumed internally. It looked like he’d have to turn to other sources for the information he wanted.

The next day, Shen Jiu ended up walking back to Qiong Ding Peak, earlier than he planned to. He had gone all over Qing Jing Peak, trying to get any of the librarians, servants and hall masters to tell him what exactly was “Resentment of Chunshan”, but no one would tell him what it was. The only piece of information he had gotten about it was from the stairsweeper who told him that it was the title of a book.

So someone was packing up their pretty lies as a story, huh? All the easier to spread about. When Shen Jiu got his hands on them, he was going to make them wish they had never been born!

Anyway, since none of these morons were going to tell him more about “Resentment of Chunshan”, he was going to have to appeal to Yue Qi for information. Sure, he was still a bit mad at the man for refusing to get rid of those embarrassing baby pictures, but he believed that he’d be able to get what he wanted with a judicious application of “starving beggar child” eyes and a reminder of his poor little orphan boy status.

He opened the door to Yue Qingyuan’s house, only to find the man having tea with Qi Qingqi over a stack of paperwork. Probably going over Xian Shu Peak’s budget together. Not that Shen Jiu actually cared.

He flung himself into Yue Qingyuan’s lap. “Uncle Yue, Uncle Yue, what’s Resentment of Chunshan about?”

Both Qi Qingqi and Yue Qingyuan stiffened.

“Where did you hear that, Yuan-er?” asked Yue Qingyuan gently.

Shen Jiu pointed in the direction of the front door. “I heard it from the geges and jiejies outside.”

“I cannot believe that disciples of our sect would stoop so low as to read vile, disgusting slander about our dead martial brother,” hissed Qi Qingqi. “Zhangmen-shixiong, you had better punish them for that!”

“Of course, shimei,” replied Yue Qingyuan smoothly.

He turned back to Shen Jiu. “Yuan-er, who did you hear this from?”

Shen Jiu immediately gave up all the names of said disciples. Let the brats get a good whipping for not only reading slander about his body thief baba, but also for not answering his questions.

He then tugged on Yue Qingyuan’s robes. “So, what’s this slander about baba?”

“Yuan-er is far too young to hear about this,” snapped Qi Qingqi.

Yue Qingyuan gave him a gentle smile. “That’s right. Uncle Yue will tell Yuan-er when he’s older, alright?”

Not alright.

Shen Jiu scowled at him, gave him a hard bite on his arm and ran off again, ignoring Qi Qingqi’s calls for him to come back. Useless! Utterly useless! Well, if nobody wanted to tell him what was going on, he’d find out himself!

It was easy finding out which disciples had been reading “Resentment of Chunshan”. All he had to do was approach a group of them and innocently ask if they knew what “Resentment of Chunshan” was about. Those who looked guilty had definitely read it, if not possessed a copy of it. And well, Shen Jiu had been a thief before, both as a grubby street child and as Wu Yanzi’s apprentice, so it wasn’t hard for him to sneak into a dormitory and hunt for their copy.

Eventually, he achieved success. In his hands, he held a copy of “Resentment of Chunshan, vol 1” by Liu Su Mian Hua. Obviously a pseudonym. Shen Jiu settled himself in a secluded corner and eagerly opened the book. Time to see what lies this person was writing about his baba.

One ke later, he was tearing the book to pieces. Shen Jiu had braced himself for lies about the body thief colluding with demons or talking about Shen Jiu’s past as a demonic cultivator’s apprentice, but this was far worse than he expected. Whoever this “Liu Su Mian Hua” was, they had a disgusting, perverted mind! For “Resentment of Chunshan” was all about Shen Qingqiu being fu– no, let’s call a spade a spade – being violently raped by the beast!

Well, he could definitely cross the beast off the list for possible suspects of the author. If the beast ever wrote yellow books about himself and the body thief, it would be of Shen Qingqiu tearfully confessing that he felt the same way about the beast, concluding in tender love-making. Violent rapes were definitely not his style. Which meant there could only be one possible culprit.

“No, Shen-shixiong, I am definitely not the author of ‘Resentment of Chunshan’,” sighed the rat. “BL R18 non-con, dead-dove-do-not-eat, PWP interconnected oneshots are definitely not my style.”

Shen Jiu glared at him. He had no idea what the rat meant by that, and he knew that the man had deliberately chosen his words to confuse Shen Jiu.

“Am I supposed to believe that?” he demanded.

“Oh yeah,” replied the rat causally. “For one thing, I think that Liu Su Mian Hua – whoever they are – is really limiting themselves. If I was to write ‘Resentment of Chunshan’, I’d totally have Cucumber-bro getting fucked by multiple me– HOLY SHIT, WHY DO YOU HAVE A KNIFE??!!!”

…Alright, so maybe “Resentment of Chunshan” wasn’t on the rat’s list of crimes. Now, the question was, who was Liu Su Mian Hua? Shen Jiu sighed. If he wanted to know who they were, he’d have to look for more clues in their stories. Which meant finding more volumes of “Resentment of Chunshan” and going through more perverted filth. Ah, the things he did for his body thief baba.

After going through multiple installations of “Resentment of Chunshan”, Shen Jiu could conclude a few things about the author.

Firstly, they were a member of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. The descriptions of Qing Jing Peak were far too detailed to be from an outsider. Of course, this did not narrow down the list of suspects for Cang Qiong Mountain Sect was full of not only disciples, but servants and hallmasters and various other staff needed for the running of the sect.

(If Liu Su Mian Hua turned out to be a member of Qing Jing Peak though, Shen Jiu was going to personally ensure that they were flayed alive for their crimes!)

Secondly, they were deeply lusting over Shen Qingqiu. The descriptions of the body thief in “Resentment of Chunshan” were very sexualised, and the author went into detail about his “fine, smooth skin”, buttocks and chest. The beast on the other hand, was only given a cursory description of his cock and muscles. Either they were one of the body thief’s ex-admirers, or less likely, they were pandering to those who lusted after the body thief, inviting the reader to imagine themselves in the beast’s place and getting to rape Shen Qingqiu. How revolting!

Thirdly, they were definitely a virgin themselves. Now, Shen Jiu himself was not an expert in cutsleeve sex, but at least he knew there was a need for lubrication when the deed was being done and there was not one mention of lubrication at all in any of the stories. Also, there were only two sex positions described in the story and never once was there any mention of oral sex. Not that Shen Jiu wanted to read about that.

To his horror, he had also been mentioned once or twice in the stories, though his character had been stretched beyond recognition. Shen Jiu did not know who this disgustingly twee brat who lisped cutesily, and called the beast “Bing-gege” was, but he bore absolutely no resemblance to Shen Jiu at all! It only made his desire to break every bone in the author’s hands even stronger.

Cang Qiong Mountain Sect was far too vast for one person to search for the culprit, so Shen Jiu had to revive the spy network with a combination of threats, bribes and blackmail. The damn fools had gotten lazy under the body thief’s supervision. Well, Shen Jiu certainly wasn’t as lenient! He expected results and as fast as possible. He had them checking out bookstore owners. Surely, Liu Su Mian Hua would approach one of them eventually with their new manuscript, right?

Shen Jiu walked towards the Bamboo House and then past it, to a certain hollow where he had instructed the spies to hide their reports in. He didn’t want to deal with any uncomfortable questions if Ning Yingying or Ming Fan found the spy reports.

To his surprise, there were already two spy reports in the hiding place. Shen Jiu eagerly opened them and started to read. The first only reported no news. Shen Jiu resolved to send the spy a blistering reply not to waste ink and paper and spirit eagles just to tell him that he’d been utterly useless.

The report from the second spy was far more fruitful. This spy reported that they had seen a veiled woman approach the bookstore owner they were surveilling, and passed him a manuscript. And the very next day, the bookstore owner was selling another installation of that infernal “Resentment of Chunsan”.

The spy had also helpfully included a drawing of the veiled woman. Shen Jiu stared at it in shock. No, it couldn’t be. There was no reason for Liu Mingyan to bear such a heavy grudge against Shen Qingqiu. Neither he nor the body thief had ever done anything to her. Hells, the body thief had even saved her beloved brother’s life!

It could be a fake lead. Either the spy had identified her wrongly or Liu Mingyan had met with the bookstore owner for completely different reasons. Still, Shen Jiu had to investigate further.

Thanks to Ning Yingying’s friendship with Liu Mingyan (and oh, wasn’t that another point against her?), Shen Jiu found out when Liu Mingyan was away on a nighthunt and chose that time to visit Xian Shu Peak with a basket hanging from one arm. He deliberately stopped by the flower gardens to pick a whole bunch of flowers and put them in his basket. Then only did he go to the disciple dormitories.

“What is it that you have there, Yuan-er?” asked Tan Yeemun.

Shen Jiu smiled at her and gave her one of the flowers from his basket. “The jiejies here have always been so nice to me, so I’m giving everyone flowers to say ‘thank you’.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet of you,” cooed Tan Yeemun as she patted him on the head. “Thank you so much, Yuan-er.”

The flowers were simply an excuse to get into the dormitories, so Shen Jiu maintained his “sweet, innocent child” smile.

“You’re welcome, Tan-jiejie,” he chirped.

He then walked past her, giving flowers to all the Xian Shu disciples that he met. For those that weren’t there, he left them flowers on their bedside table. As the head disciple of Xian Shu Peak, Liu Mingyan didn’t need to share a dorm anymore with her martial sisters. Instead, she had her own room. All the easier for Shen Jiu to snoop around. He knocked on her door.

“Liu-jiejie, are you inside?” he called, knowing full well that she wasn’t. “Yuan-er has a present for you.”

Getting no answer, Shen Jiu opened the door and walked in. A cursory look around showed nothing out of the ordinary. Bed, cupboard, study table. Everything was neat and in their place.

He went over to the study table and started pulling open the drawers. Brushes and inkstone in the top drawer. A half-finished embroidery piece in the second, along with needles and multiple spools of thread. The third drawer contained an entire collection of “Resentment of Chunshan”, which would get her in trouble if caught, but wasn’t damning enough.

Ah, but was this hidden behind the books? A crumpled ball of paper? Shen Jiu opened it up and smirked slowly and gleefully. Ah-ha, now here was the proof he was looking for!

It was another scenario about the beast violently raping his body thief baba, but what was important, was that this was a wholly new scenario, and that it contained multiple scratched out words and phrases. Yes, this rough draft was exactly the proof he needed to bury the chit.

Shen Jiu crumpled the draft back again, put it into his basket and scurried out of the dormitory. He had his proof and now all he needed was the right time to use it, and he knew exactly when.

It was during a meeting of all the Peak Lords when Shen Jiu enacted his plan. He waited until the meeting was winding down before he came dashing into the rear hall.

“Uncle Yue, Uncle Yue!” he called as he flung himself into Yue Qingyuan’s lap. “Yuan-er has something to ask you!”

“You can ask another time,” growled the brute.

Yue Qingyuan waved him off before turning to Shen Jiu. “What is it, Yuan-er?”

“Yuan-er found this story about baba, but Yuan-er doesn’t understand what it means,” answered Shen Jiu, pretending to ignore the way multiple Peak Lords stiffened.

He whipped out the piece of paper and pointed to a particularly lewd paragraph. “What does this mean, Uncle Yue?”

“Uncle Yue will explain it to Yuan-er when he’s older,” replied Yue Qingyuan, as he scanned the paper. “Maybe when you’re twenty years old.”

Shen Jiu resisted the urge to pout. He’d been hoping to make Yue Qingyuan blush and splutter with embarrassment, but the man had taken it into stride instead. What a pity!

“Zhangmen-shixiong, that’s one of those infernal ‘Resentment of Chunshan’ stories, isn’t it?” asked Yong Qingli.

“That’s right, shimei,” answered Yue Qingyuan. “But interestingly enough, this appears to be a rough draft of a new story.”

Many of the other Peak Lords, including Ming Fan who was substituting for Shen Qingqiu, gasped in shock.

Yue Qingyuan turned back to Shen Jiu. “Yuan-er, where did you find this paper?”

Shen Jiu looked down and tugged on the hem of his robes, acting like a little boy who was afraid that he’d get punished for speaking.

Yue Qingyuan patted him on the head. “Don’t worry, Yuan-er is not in any trouble. You can tell Uncle Yue the truth.”

“Yuan-er went to give Liu-jiejie a flower, but she wasn’t in her room. Yuan-er then saw this crumpled ball of paper under her desk and picked it up. Yuan-er was going to throw it away for Liu-jiejie when Yuan-er saw Baba’s name on it, so Yuan-er took it away to read,” answered Shen Jiu.

The brute immediately jumped up from his seat. “LIES!” he roared. “Mingyan would never write such filth!”

Qi Qingqi nodded in agreement. “Liu Mingyan is a good girl. There must be some sort of mistake.”

“Liu-shidi, Qi-shimei, you’re both more familiar with Liu-shizhi than I am,” said Yue Qingyuan. He then pushed the paper over to them. “Please tell me: is this her handwriting or not?”

Qi Qingqi and the brute read the paper together. The Peak Lords closest to them, craned their necks to read it as well, like the busybodies they all were. Shen Jiu pulled out his fan and fanned himself as he watched as the two of them went pale and red.

“This – this is in her handwriting,” admitted Qi Qingqi as she looked back up at Yue Qingyuan. “But–”

The brute interrupted her by standing up again and bowing to Yue Qingyuan. “Zhangmen-shixiong, I apologise both for my words and my sister’s behaviour.”

Yue Qingyuan pointed to Shen Jiu, who was still sitting in his lap. “Apologise to Yuan-er instead. He’s the one you accused of lying, shidi.”

The brute gave Shen Jiu a stiff bow. “Shen Yuan, I apologise. I was wrong to accuse you of lying.”

Shen Jiu raised the fan to cover his gleeful smirk. The brute, not only apologising to him, but admitting that he was wrong? Oh, this was a historical day, alright. He would gloat over this memory for years. It was right next to hitting the brute in the groin.

Yue Qingyuan turned to one of his disciples standing behind him. “Disciple Gu, could you please go and bring Liu-shizhi here?”

The disciple bowed and went off. The room immediately exploded into people yelling and loud questions about why the chit was doing this, and why hadn’t Qi Qingqi noticed anything and so on and so forth. Yue Qingyuan quickly silenced them.

“Shidimei, let’s comport ourselves and wait for Liu-shizhi to explain herself,” said Yue Qingyuan. “Shouting amongst ourselves will solve nothing.”

The room quickly settled down, though not without a few mutters and grumbles. Such a spoilsport, his Qi-ge was. He had been enjoying the drama – especially now that it wasn’t directed at him for a change. Oh well, the best was yet to come.

Disciple Gu entered the room, with the chit following behind. All eyes immediately turned towards her. Ming Fan was already bright red and if looks could kill, the chit would already be dead on the floor.

“Mingyan, how could you?” burst out Qi Qingqi.

The chit’s eyebrows immediately flew up. “Begging your pardon, Shizun, but this disciple doesn’t understand.”

Yue Qingyuan tapped the piece of paper that had been passed back to him. “Liu-shizhi, am I mistaken in saying that you are Liu Su Mian Hua, author of the very banned ‘Resentment of Chunshan’ series?”

“Please don’t try to lie,” he warned. “A rough draft for a new ‘Resentment of Chunshan’ story was found in your room in your handwriting.”

The chit bowed her head. “Yes, I am the author of ‘Resentment of Chunshan’.”

Everyone already knew, but the confirmation somehow caused another uproar, leading Yue Qingyuan to silence everyone again.

“But why, shizhi?” inquired Yue Qingyuan. “Did Qingqiu-shidi mistreat or abuse you in any way before this?”

Ming Fan bristled at this. “Shizun never once did–”

A quelling look from Yue Qingyuan immediately made him close his mouth. Everyone else waited for the chit’s answer.

“No, Zhangmen-shibo,” admitted the chit.

Yue Qingyuan nodded. “Ah, I see. So you decided to drag your shibo’s name in the mud for sheer sport.”

The chit flinched. “Zhangmen-shibo, it wasn’t like that.”

“Then explain it to us,” snapped usually easygoing Wei Qingwei. “Why did you create ‘Resentment of Chunshan’?”

The chit took a deep breath and then released it. “After I found out that Luo Binghe is a half-demon and that he has been harbouring romantic feelings for Shen-shibo since his disciple days, I started to wonder what such a relationship would look like if it was a reality. And from there, ‘Resentment of Chunshan’ was born. I put Luo Binghe as the aggressor because that’s what demons would be like in the bedroom, and Shen-shibo as the one being taken advantage of. So if anything, it’s Luo Binghe’s reputation being besmirched.”

“That’s not what people outside the sect are saying though,” retorted Rong Qinghan, the Ku Xing Peak Lord. “They’re all gossiping about the sheer scandal of a Peak Lord of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect fucking his underage disciple!”

Shen Jiu nodded. No surprise there. And it didn’t help that most of the ‘Resentment of Chunshan’ stories were set in the time before the body thief tossed the beast into the Endless Abyss.

“Liu-shizhi, I can understand your fascination with the forbidden, but why did you have to publish such stories?” asked Yong Qingli. “Did you even think for a second about how this affects our sect’s reputation?”

“And while Shen-shibo might be too dead to know of the damage being done to his reputation, did you ever think about how this would affect his only child?” added Mu Qingfang.

Ah, that was his cue. Shen Jiu thought about the day he had received the news of his body thief baba’s death and this child body immediately started tearing up.

“Yuan-er doesn’t understand,” he warbled. “Was Liu-jiejie writing bad things about Baba?”

He turned large, watery eyes towards the chit. “Why?”

The chit looked uncomfortable, but didn’t reply. No surprise there. Any answer given would only make her look worse to everyone in this room. Shen Jiu could take a good guess as to why though. The chit was likely telling the truth about finding the idea of a relationship between the beast and the body thief fascinating. She had written stories, and then shown it to equally perverted friends who lauded her writing and encouraged her to write more. Emboldened by the praise, the chit had sent one of her stories out into the world under a pseudonym, and it had become wildly popular. The praise went to her head and as the masses also demanded more gossip fodder, she had written more and more. The praise and the attention were just too heady to give up, even though she knew full well what Cang Qiong’s stance was regarding the “Resentment of Chunshan” stories. She probably thought that her good reputation and relationship to the brute protected her from suspicion, but she didn’t reckon on Shen Jiu finding out the truth.

Yue Qingyuan tapped the piece of paper again. “No more writing ‘Resentment of Chunshan’ stories anymore, shizhi. In fact, no more writing stories period. I shudder to think of what you might write about your other martial uncles.”

The dark looks most of Shen Jiu’s ex-martial brothers sent the chit said that if any such stories emerged, there would be a reckoning to deal with.

The chit bowed her head meekly. “Yes, Zhangmen-shibo.”

“Also, turn over all the money you made from selling the books to Yuan-er,” continued Yue Qingyuan.

The chit’s head jerked up. “But shibo–”

“You were profiting off his dead father, Liu-shizhi,” said Yue Qingyuan, a hint of steel coming into his usual mild tone. “It is only right that the money should go to him, especially considering the blow to reputation.”

The chit turned a pleading look towards her brother, who only crossed his arms and scowled at her.

“Do it, Mingyan,” barked the brute. “I am already extremely disappointed in you.”

The chit’s face fell. “Yes, xiongzhang,” she murmured.

Shen Jiu brought his fan up to cover his smirk. His secret stash of money was already running low, thanks to him having to pay his spies, so this extra income was very welcome. This still wasn’t enough punishment though, so he waited eagerly to know what the rest would be.

“Qi-shimei, can I entrust you to make sure that Liu-shizhi writes no more of ‘Resentment of Chunshan’?” asked Yue Qingyuan.

Qi Qingqi nodded. “You can count on me, Zhangmen-shixiong. I’ll make sure that she’s far too busy to be doing any writing other than reports and paperwork.”

“I’ll leave the rest of her discipline to you then,” replied Yue Qingyuan.

Qi Qingqi nodded again. She then got up from her seat, grabbed Liu Mingyan roughly by the elbow and walked off.

Wait, that was it? Lenient, too lenient. Yue Qingyuan had been far too lenient on the chit! Sure, it was right that Qi Qingqi do the disciplining as her Shizun, and it was true that she had a vindictive streak, but the chit was still one of her favourites. Shen Jiu couldn’t trust that she would punish the chit as she richly deserved.

Had Shen Jiu been in charge of the chit’s punishment, he would have ordered her publicly whipped a hundred times over and have every bone in her writing hand crushed!

“Is Yuan-er satisfied with Liu-shizhi’s punishment?” asked Yue Qingyuan gently as the meeting adjourned and the rest started to leave.

No, he was not.

Shen Jiu gave Yue Qingyuan a hard pinch before sliding off his lap and running off to walk beside Ming Fan, who looked as dissatisfied as Shen Jiu felt. It was nice to know that he wasn’t the only one who thought that the chit got off too lightly.

The two of them walked back to Qing Jing Peak in silence. When they reached the Peak, from the sound of it, all the other disciples were busy practising the qin. Shen Jiu winced at the sound of one discordant note. It sounded like someone wasn’t up to par. If Shen Jiu was still the Peak Lord, he would have forced the offending disciple to play that piece over and over until his fingers were bleeding. Ah well, that wasn’t his job anymore.

Both he and Ming Fan walked into the music room together. The other disciples looked up to see them enter.

“How was the Peak Lord meeting, Ming-shixiong?” asked Ning Yingying.

“Everyone was very mad at Liu-jiejie for writing mean things about Baba,” piped up Shen Jiu, speaking before Ming Fan could reply.

Everyone gasped.

“Yuan-er, are you saying that Liu Mingyan is the author of ‘Resentment of Chunshan’?” asked Disciple Wong. “The Liu Mingyan?!”

“That’s right,” replied Ming Fan. “She herself confessed when the proof was brought up.”

Shen Jiu watched as Ning Yingying narrowed her eyes and clenched her fists. Yes, she had every right to be angry. No doubt the chit had pumped her for information about the beast and the body thief before this. She must be feeling rather used.

“What punishment did they give Liu-shimei?” demanded Ning Yingying.

“She’s banned from writing anymore fiction and she has to give all the money she made off Shizun to Yuan-er,” answered Ming Fan.

“That’s it?!” yelped another disciple.

“Qi-shigu said that she’d take care of the rest of Liu-shimei’s punishment,” said Ming Fan with a frown on his face.

Ning Yingying stood up. “Copying lines and running laps are not enough punishment for someone who has insulted our Shizun so grievously!” she declared. “Liu Mingyan must pay!”

This declaration was met with cheers and applause from the other disciples.

“Well said, shimei!” called Ming Fan. “We of Qing Jing Peak cannot let this slide! Liu Mingyan must suffer for her crimes!”

More roars of applause.

Shen Jiu smirked. For all that his body thief baba thought the Qing Jing Peak disciples as “good, obedient children”, they had learnt his lesson about paying back grudges all too well. He knew that they had played a few nasty pranks on the Bai Zhan Peak disciples as revenge for breaking the Qing Jing Peak gates and picking fights and had been sneaky enough about it that none of the barbarians had realised who was responsible for their misfortunes.

“Yuan-er will help too!” enthused Shen Jiu.

Oh, how he’d love to help take further revenge on the chit who dared to drag his body thief baba’s reputation through the mud! He smiled up at his ex-disciples, eager to start planning with them.

A little more than a ke later, he was back in the Bamboo House with one of the servants to act as babysitter. He crossed his arms and plopped down on his bedroom floor. This wasn’t fair! He had been the one who had discovered Liu Su Mian Hua’s true identity. He had been the one to reveal it to all the Peak Lords. Yet he wasn’t allowed to take part in the revenge against the chit?!

“It’s nice that Yuan-er wants to help, but you're far too young for this,” Ming Fan had informed him while patting him on the head.

All the other disciples had nodded in agreement. Attempting to appeal to Ning Yingying hadn’t worked either as she too insisted that he was too young for revenge schemes. This was so unfair! He needed to complain to someone, but to who?

Ah, right. There was always Baba’s mushroom. He needed to check up on it anyway. Shen Jiu made up his bed to look as if he was sleeping underneath the covers, just in case the servant assigned to babysit him looked in. And then only did he use the To and Fro amulet to transport himself to the still-incubating Flesh Seed. His Baba awaited him.

Chapter Text

Yuan-er flopped down on the bed Luo Binghe shared with his Shizun’s corpse. “The author of Resentment of Chunshan has finally been found!” he announced.

Luo Binghe wasn’t the least bit surprised that the culprit had been caught at last. His martial aunts and uncles had not been at all happy about those books, especially Yue Qingyuan, and the nearby towns and cities had been put under pressure to ban the Resentment of Chunshan novels. Of course, what had happened was that there was now a thriving black market for said books.

“I see,” was all he said.

Yuan-er pouted when that was Luo Binghe’s only response, but he quickly rallied. “Guess who it was,” he challenged.

Luo Binghe did not know and he did not care one bit about the author of Resentment of Chunshan, but it was rare that Yuan-er talked to him about anything other than the plan to resurrect Shizun and his progress. It was not a hard thing to do, to indulge the little boy for a while. The problem was that there were millions of people in the world, and out of those millions, thousands who had the ability to do so, therefore he couldn’t take a good guess.

“Can I get a hint?” he requested.

Yuan-er sighed. “Fine. They’re a member of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.”

Well, that narrowed it down from millions to hundreds of people. Luo Binghe could cross off the other Peak Lords, and his martial siblings of Qing Jing Peak off the suspects list, but that still left the dozens of disciples of the other peaks, both outer and inner. Not to mention the numerous servants, hall masters, elders, and the like.

“Can I get another hint?” he asked again.

Yuan-er looked at him, tapping his fingers against the bedsheet as he thought. At last he sighed again. “Fine, you get another hint. They’re a disciple of another peak.”

Well, he could definitely cross the Bai Zhan Peak disciples off that list. Luo Binghe wasn’t entirely sure if that lot even knew how to read, let alone be capable of writing stories. That left ten other Peaks’ worth of disciples, and it wasn’t as if Luo Binghe knew all of them. Which left him with the ones he did know.

Could it be Chang-shijie? No, Luo Binghe just couldn’t imagine the straitlaced, responsible senior disciple of Qiong Ding Peak writing yellow books. He had to cross out Lim Puiyi of Qian Cao Peak, and Teo-shidi of An Ding Peak as well.

Could it be Liu Mingyan then? No, it couldn’t– wait, wait a minute. Hadn’t Sha Hualing once denounced some of the Huan Hua Palace disciples as traitors, claiming that she had caught them speaking with Liu Mingyan? And he knew that Liu Mingyan was friends with Ning Yingying. While his old shijie had grown in maturity from that young girl who had gotten his jade amulet lost thanks to her big mouth, she still was rather talkative. He wouldn’t be surprised if she had accidentally let slip his crush on their Shizun to their shimei.

Yuan-er was smirking up at him as he waved his legs about. He clearly didn’t think that Luo Binghe would figure it out.

“Is the author of Resentment of Chunshan, Liu Mingyan?” he inquired.

The smirk on the little boy’s face quickly morphed into a scowl. “The rat told you earlier, didn’t he?”

Luo Binghe shook his head. “No, Shang-shishu didn’t tell me. And you shouldn’t call your Uncle Shang a rat, by the way.”

Yuan-er sneered at him. “I’ll call that traitor whatever I like!”

Luo Binghe changed his mind. If Shang Qinghua was stupid enough to let a little boy find out that he was selling information to Mobei-Jun, then he deserved to be insulted by him.

Luo Binghe didn’t care much about Shang Qinghua, to be honest. Especially after finding out that he’d been responsible for that demonic invasion at the Immortal Alliance Conference, which had ended up with him being thrown into the Endless Abyss. He hadn’t been too happy with Mobei-Jun either for destroying his seal, but after defeating him in battle, the ice-demon had pledged his allegiance to Luo Binghe, and now was one of his more trustworthy people. Shang Qinghua also turned out to be surprisingly useful when it came to finding secret treasures, or pointing out which demon could or could not be trusted. In the end, Luo Binghe had decided to let the man be. After all, Shizun wouldn’t be too happy with him if he killed one of his martial siblings, traitor or not.

“Anyway, now that you know who’s responsible for Resentment of Chunshan, you can take your revenge on her,” continued Yuan-er.

Luo Binghe shrugged. “Not interested.”

“What? Why not?” demanded Yuan-er. “She’s been dragging your name in the mud, what with her stories accusing you of necrophilia and being a rapist! You should be mad about that!”

Luo Binghe shrugged. He didn’t really care about that. He knew full well that he had never touched Shizun in such ways, and in any case, even before Liu Mingyan had penned her stories, there had already been rumours of such things. What was the point of getting mad about what other people said about him? He had more important things to worry about – mainly resurrecting Shizun and also, who on earth had let Yuan-er get his hands on yellow books starring Shizun anyway? He was going to have to send another strong reminder to Yue Qingyuan and his ex-martial siblings.

Yuan-er pointed an accusing finger at him. “What kind of demon are you anyway?”

“The type that doesn’t care,” answered Luo Binghe honestly.

Yuan-er scowled at him.

While it was sweet that Yuan-er seemed to care about his reputation, knowing the little boy as he did, Luo Binghe suspected that the real reason was–

“Ning-shijie and my shixiongmen aren’t letting you take part in their revenge against Liu-shimei, huh?” asked Luo Binghe.

The baleful glare he received confirmed it.

“It’s not fair!” yelled Yuan-er. “I’m the one that found out and revealed the truth! And yet, I’m not allowed to take part?!”

“You’re still too young for revenge schemes,” Luo Binghe told him, and then had to quickly scramble back to avoid the vengeful pinch.

“I am not too young!” yelled Yuan-er again, stamping his foot.

He absolutely was. The fact that he was now turning his back on Luo Binghe and sulking was proof of that.

“Isn’t it enough that Ning-jiejie and your geges are taking revenge?” asked Luo Binghe gently.

“No,” grumbled Yuan-er.

Luo Binghe tried again. “Well, I’m sure that your Aunty Qi has punished her severely for her crime.”

“All she did was to strip the chit of her head disciple status, ban her from writing stories and leaving the Peak for an indeterminate amount of time, and put her to doing menial work,” complained Yuan-er.

“Isn’t that bad enough?” asked Luo Binghe.

“No!” snapped Yuan-er. “She should have demoted the chit to being an outer disciple, or better yet, kicked her off the Peak!”

How was it that this child was so vicious-minded? He must have inherited it from his mother, for it certainly wasn’t from Shizun!

Annnd he was still sulking. Arms all crossed and lower lip jutted out. Oh well, at least he wasn’t lying on the ground and throwing a tantrum like he used to when he was younger.

Just to tease him, Luo Binghe quickly ruffled his hair, to which the little boy reacted by letting out a shriek and trying to bite him.

Yuan-er glared at him as he clutched his hair. “Don’t touch my hair!”

“Yes, your highness,” replied Luo Binghe cheekily.

Yuan-er responded to this by approaching him and trying to kick him. Luo Binghe easily evaded his attempts. Ah, this brought back memories... Unfortunately, Luo Binghe couldn’t afford to indulge the little boy too much. There was still a sect to run, demons to conquer, Shizun’s body to preserve, and Black Moon Python-Rhinoceroses to capture. During Yuan-er’s next kicking attempt, Luo Binghe lunged forward and pressed the jewel of his amulet, sending the little boy back to Cang Qiong.

“I’ll get you for that!” shrieked Yuan-er just before he disappeared.

Luo Binghe had no doubt that he would, even if his “revenge” came about in nasty pinches. Shen Yuan never forgot a grudge. In the meantime, he turned back to his work. There were still plenty of Black Moon Python-Rhinoceroses to catch.

________________________________________________

Shen Jiu paged through yet another book from Qian Cao Peak’s library. Nothing about the Sun and Moon Dew Mushroom here either. He put the book back on its shelf and pulled out another.

Usually, whenever he wanted to visit Qian Cao Peak, he’d demand Yue Qingyuan to go visit Mu Qingfang for a health check-up. Yue Qingyuan would always agree and then bring Shen Jiu along to accompany him. While the two men were talking, Shen Jiu would sneak off to the library ostensibly for reading, but in reality to find more information about the Sun and Moon Dew Mushroom.

This time however, instead of him insisting that Yue Qingyuan go to see Mu Qingfang, Yue Qingyuan had brought him to see Mu Qingfang for a toothache. Mu Qingfang had peered into Shen Jiu’s mouth, diagnosed him with a tooth cavity and had pulled out said offending tooth. Mu Qingfang had then told Shen Jiu to “run along” while he discussed some things with Yue Qingyuan.

Shen Jiu had never cared for being told to “run along” even when he was an actual child, so he had pretended to obey the doctor while in reality, he’d been eavesdropping on their conversation. Listening to Mu Qingfang scolding Yue Qingyuan for “spoiling Shen-shixiong’s son and giving him far too many sweets” wasn’t what he had expected to hear though. In another time, he would have scoffed at his ex-shidi and declared that he could eat as many sweets as he wanted, but he had just been hit with the consequences of too much sugar.

...Perhaps he should lay off the sweets. He certainly didn’t want to get yet another tooth yanked out. Luckily, these were all baby teeth at the moment.

Mind made up, Shen Jiu had decided to leave Yue Qingyuan to his lecture and went to the library to research. And here he was now, still trying to find out how much longer did he have to wait until his idiot body thief baba would emerge from the mushroom.

Shen Jiu picked up another book and leafed through its pages. A triumphant smile emerged on his face as he finally found what he had long been looking for – a chapter regarding the Sun and Moon Dew Mushroom. He eagerly flipped through the pages. He had no interest in how to find the things or how to tend to them, what was more important was– a-ha!

Shen Jiu scowled as he read. Apparently it would take years before his body thief baba could return to him. He committed to memory the signs of what it would look like when the artificial body was ready to emerge.

“Having fun with your reading, Yuan-er?” came a voice.

Shen Jiu looked up to see Yue Qingyuan standing above him along with Mu Qingfang. Both of the men smiled down at him.

Shen Jiu shrugged. “It’s alright.”

“Yuan-er seems very interested in these medical books,” remarked Mu Qingfang. “Perhaps when Yuan-er is old enough to become a disciple, I should select you to become a disciple of Qian Cao Peak, hmm?”

Shen Jiu shook his head frantically. Like hell was he going to be tending to every single cough, sniffle and scratch! Qian Cao Peak was definitely on his list of Peaks not to join, along with An Ding, Bai Zhan and Ku Xing Peaks. The same went for Shou Jiao Peak, the beast-taming peak, and Chu He Peak, the farming peak. There was no way that he was going to be tending to smelly animals or grubbing in the dirt!

“Shidi, I’m afraid that won’t do,” replied Yue Qingyuan. “I’m planning to take Yuan-er into Qiong Ding Peak once he’s old enough to properly cultivate.”

Mu Qingfang looked as if he’d like to roll his eyes, but thought that the Peak Lord of Qian Cao Peak should be above such things. “Zhangmen-shixiong, don’t you already see Yuan-er enough?”

Yue Qingyuan just smiled at him in response, then turned back to Shen Jiu and opened his arms. Shen Jiu put the book back and then let his Qi-ge carry him in his strong, warm arms. Had he been still an adult, he wouldn’t have the face for such a thing, but one of the few perks of being a child was that one could afford to act spoiled. And in any case, he didn’t feel like walking today.

They said goodbye to Mu Qingfang and went back to Qiong Ding Peak. In obedience to Mu Qingfang’s orders, there were no more sweets for the day. Somehow, Shen Jiu couldn’t bring himself to care much as he sat next to Yue Qingyuan while they fed the fat koi swimming in the pond together. There were no words between them and yet the silence was as comfortable as it had been when they were two gutter brats leaning against each other after a full day of begging and information-gathering. Even with the ache from his missing tooth, Shen Jiu hadn’t felt this at peace in years. He leaned against his Qi-ge and put his hand over his. Qi-ge ducked down to kiss him on the head before putting his arm around Shen Jiu’s shoulders. Shen Jiu closed his eyes briefly. Yes, life was good.

If only his baba could be here too.

Time continued to march onward. Shen Jiu was kept busy with “lessons”, calligraphy, painting, playing the guqin, visiting his baba’s mushroom, and spending time with Yue Qingyuan and his ex-disciples. From time to time, he would visit Luo Binghe to ensure that his baba’s body was still in good condition and to check on his progress, which was still sadly lacking.

The beast still hadn’t captured enough Black Moon Python-Rhinoceroses to make an assault on the Holy Mausoleum’s defences! At this rate, the mushroom body was going to be done before he broke into the Holy Mausoleum! In Shen Jiu’s opinion, if the beast had the time to create dreamscapes of mawkish moments of himself and his baba, he certainly had time to capture monsters!

Shen Jiu had so far been caught up in those dreamscapes twice already, and hadn’t enjoyed the experience one bit. He had dealt with it by stomping into whatever sentimental moment the demon had set up, and giving Luo Binghe a hard kick, which would break the spell. The beast once had the temerity to whine, “can’t I be allowed to enjoy a dream?” to which Shen Jiu had snapped, “not when you’re dragging me into them!” He almost pitied the Huan Hua Palace disciples for having to deal with this rubbish on a regular basis!

If what his body thief baba had told him was true, it was likely that Meng Mo was having a front-seat view to this nonsense daily. Shen Jiu had no sympathy for him at all. Who had told the dream demon to hitch a ride onto a hormonal teenage boy, hmm? Shen Jiu himself certainly wasn’t looking forward to his second go at puberty. At least this time around, he wouldn’t have to deal with the likes of Qiu Jianluo and Wu Yanzi!

Putting the matters of the demon and his baba’s resurrection aside, there was one thorn that continued to niggle at Shen Jiu, and that was the rat. How was it fair that his baba was gestating six feet underground while the rat continued to reap the benefits of being a Peak Lord and whatever benefits he was getting from the ice demon that he was selling the sect out to? Something had to be done about this, and Shen Jiu knew just what.

It took much time, patience and Shen Jiu having to grit his teeth at having to be civil to the traitorous rat, but now he knew when Mobei-Jun was next going to pay a visit to An Ding Peak. The problem now was catching the rat in the company of the ice demon.

It would be easy if he were to get Yue Qi to confront the rat. Not that he would tell his friend about the rat’s traitorous inclinations – he was still young enough that it could be dismissed as a child telling stories. No, all Shen Jiu needed to do was to tell Yue Qingyuan that he wished to visit An Ding Peak during the time he knew Mobei-Jun was going to pay a visit, and the rat would be caught!

The thing was, he didn’t want Yue Qingyuan anywhere near the rat. His best friend may be more powerful than the rat and the ice demon put together even without having to unsheathe Xuan Su, but Shen Jiu wouldn’t be surprised if the rat knew a trick or two to combat him. For all that the rat was the weakest of the Peak Lords, he was still the “god of this world”, after all. And everyone knew that rats were at their most dangerous when they were cornered.

No, what he needed was someone strong enough to deal with the ice demon, but still expendable enough that it wouldn’t matter too much if they got injured, and that could only be the brute. The problem was, getting the brute over to confront the rat at the correct time. And it didn’t help that the brute personally disliked Shen Jiu too.

Perhaps he shouldn’t have antagonised the brute so much in this child form. But how was Shen Jiu to be polite to the brute when he was openly lusting after his father in Shen Jiu’s old body? How could he not have taken advantage of his childish form to land a few blows and score a victory against the brute?

Anyway, what it meant was their mutual enmity continued on, even through Shen Jiu’s new life. Which now made it difficult for Shen Jiu to convince him to go over to An Ding Peak to catch the rat in the act of conspiring with a demon.

Shen Jiu flopped down on the grass next to his favourite cold pool as he made and discarded plans on how to get the brute to confront the rat. This wouldn’t work, and this wouldn’t work either. What if– no, that wouldn’t work as well.

An idea then formed in Shen Jiu’s head. He sat back up, a smirk forming on his face, as he mulled it over. Oh, this might actually work.

“Uncle Yue, I want Liu Qingge to babysit me tomorrow,” announced Shen Jiu while the two of them were having tea together.

“You mean, Uncle Liu,” Yue Qingyuan corrected him with an amused smile. “He is very much your senior, after all.”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Can he babysit me or not?”

Yue Qingyuan set his cup down. “Why do you want Uncle Liu to babysit you? You don’t even like him.”

Shen Jiu paused. He had expected Yue Qingyuan to immediately agree to his request, like he usually did. But then again, it did look odd that he suddenly wanted to spend time with the man after making it clear in all his time in Cang Qiong that he did not like Liu Qingge one bit.

Shen Jiu took another sip of his tea. “I have my reasons to want to be at Bai Zhan Peak tomorrow.”

“Is this about some of the Bai Zhan Peak disciples breaking Qing Jing Peak’s main gate again?” questioned Yue Qingyuan.

“Yes,” lied Shen Jiu.

Yue Qingyuan chuckled. “Alright then, I’ll drop you off tomorrow.”

And so he did. Yue Qingyuan handed Shen Jiu over to the brute, cheerfully told the brute that “it was his turn to babysit Yuan-er” and flew off on his sheathed sword before the brute could refuse.

The brute looked at Shen Jiu.

Shen Jiu looked back at the brute.

The brute then decided that “babysitting” meant to completely ignore Shen Jiu while he concentrated on training that disciple that he had picked up from Jinlan City. Shen Jiu didn’t know much about him, other than he seemed to have a masochistic streak judging from the way he would cheerfully pick up his sword and throw himself at the brute even after receiving a beating.

Shen Jiu read his book while keeping an eye on the sun as it travelled through the sky. Once he judged that it was about time for the ice demon’s meeting, he went over to the brute who had just ordered off his disciple to go get medical treatment, and poked him in the leg.

“I’m bored,” he whined as childishly as possible. “I want to go visit Uncle Shang now.”

Shen Jiu had expected the brute to either ignore him, or gruffly tell him to go play somewhere instead. He had prepared himself to cry and whine and be as childishly annoying as possible until the brute agreed.

The brute shrugged. “Fine.”

Shen Jiu blinked. Well, that was fast. The brute definitely didn’t want to do any more babysitting as he needed to. Still, Shen Jiu wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“Can we go now then?” he asked.

The brute lifted him up by the back of his robes, as if he was a kitten, got on his sword and sped off towards An Ding Peak. Shen Jiu’s cheeks burned with humiliation at the demeaning way that he was being carried, but he didn’t utter a word of complaint. He needed the brute to enter the rat’s office. Souring his mood early might lead to him dropping Shen Jiu off at the main gate of An Ding Peak, which was not what he wanted.

The brute got off his sword, and still carrying Shen Jiu by the scruff of his robes, marched towards the Leisure House. One of the An Ding disciples, noticing that they were approaching the rat’s office, tried to block their path.

“S-shishu! At this time of the month, Shizun is very busy and does not want to be disturbed!” said the disciple.

The brute walked past the disciple, ignoring him. And then they were at the office door. As was his habit, the brute kicked down the door. And right there, caught in the act, was the rat, clinging to the ice-demon’s thigh as he whined about something or another.

The brute immediately dropped Shen Jiu and went for his sword. Shen Jiu, being no fool, quickly got out of the way. But not too out of the way that he would miss the fight.

Mobei-Jun kicked the rat out of the way and met the brute’s sword with his own sword – a sword made out of black ice. The two exchanged multiple blows and then Mobei-Jun created an ice sword array of hundreds of swords, which first surrounded, and then shot at the brute. The brute used his own spiritual energy to smash all the ice swords to pieces. The pieces shot everywhere, breaking pottery and blowing holes in the walls. Shen Jiu had to quickly dodge behind the doorjamb to avoid one particularly large piece that shot in his direction.

“My office!” wailed the rat as he stared at the damage done to his office. He then reached out to tug on Mobei-Jun’s robes. “My king, please! We have to leave!”

“Oh no, you don’t!” roared the brute as he lunged forward.

But he was too late. In the blink of an eye, both ice demon and traitorous rat were gone. The brute kicked some scrolls that had fallen to the ground in their fight in frustration. Shen Jiu glared at his back while he silently cursed his ex-martial brother. The brute was supposed to be the war god! And yet he couldn’t manage to kill a single ice demon and the rat?!

The brute turned back to Shen Jiu. “Did you know about this?” he demanded.

Shen Jiu made his eyes grow as round and innocent as possible. “Yuan-er is only a little boy. How would Yuan-er know about Uncle Shang being friends with a demon?”

The brute growled. He then stomped towards Shen Jiu and picked him up again by the back of his robes.

“I’m going to have to inform Zhangmen-shixiong about this,” he told Shen Jiu. “Shen Yuan, you might as well come along.”

Now that he had exposed the rat, Shen Jiu didn’t have to take this treatment anymore. “Put me down!” he screamed as he struggled in the brute’s grip. “I can walk by myself!”

The brute unsheathed his sword and got on it, completely ignoring Shen Jiu’s demands. “This way is faster.”

He then took off, zooming towards Qiong Ding Peak at top speed. Shen Jiu stopped struggling at this point, though he still silently heaped curses on the brute’s head for letting the rat escape with his life intact.

His lips curved into a smile. Then again, perhaps the rat would not live much longer. According to Proud Immortal Demon Way, after the fall of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, when Shang Qinghua was no longer of use to Mobei-Jun, the ice demon had killed him. Surely the same would come to pass now that the rat could no longer pass information to Mobei-Jun. Shen Jiu only regretted that he would not be able to see the rat’s demise with his own eyes. What a pity.

“The rat is still alive?!”

The beast steepled his hands together. “Mobei-Jun is very fond of him,” he said carefully.

Shen Jiu wasn’t sure if he was right about what the beast was implying, but–

“He’s not even that good-looking!” squawked Shen Jiu.

Luo Binghe made a face that said he very much agreed with him, though he wasn’t going to say it out aloud.

Shen Jiu snarled to himself. He couldn’t believe that the rat had somehow managed to convince Mobei-Jun that even after the loss of his position, he was still worth more alive than dead! At this rate, Shen Jiu would have to downgrade his nickname to cockroach!

Shen Jiu shook his head to rid himself of sour thoughts of the rat living it up in Mobei-Jun’s kingdom. What was more important was–

“How goes the plan to bring baba back to life?” demanded Shen Jiu.

“I’ve already gotten over a hundred Black Moon Python-Rhinoceroses,” answered the beast. “According to my calculations, we need at least two hundred of the monsters to break through the Holy Mausoleum’s defences, even for a minute.”

“Then you had better get to catching more of those monsters,” snapped Shen Jiu. “Now, send me back!”

“Yes, your highness,” sighed Luo Binghe as he obediently leaned forward to tap Shen Jiu’s amulet.

Shen Jiu soon found himself back in his bedroom on Qing Jing Peak. The rat still lived and there was still a long time before his baba could return to him, be it through the mushroom body or the Coffin of Resurrection. There was nothing Shen Jiu could do for now, no matter how much he hated the situation, so to bed it was. His Qi-ge was taking him out for an outing tomorrow anyway.

_______________________________________________________

Yue Qingyuan looked around the table. There was now two weeks before Cang Qiong’s next disciple selection test, and discussion was still rife between the Peaks regarding how many they were hoping to take, who would get first pick, and so on and so forth. He himself was looking forward to this disciple selection test, for Xiao-Jiu would be taking part in it.

At ten years old, Xiao-Jiu was now old enough to cultivate properly. Yue Qingyuan was ready to take him into his peak, but Xiao-Jiu insisted that he wanted to try out properly. Which meant that yes, he’d be digging holes with the rest of the candidates.

“Uncle Yue had better make sure that I don’t get picked for one of the low-ranking peaks,” ordered Xiao-Jiu as he jabbed Yue Qingyuan in the chest repeatedly.

Knowing Xiao-Jiu, when he said low-ranking peaks, he meant anything lower than Qing Jing Peak. Yue Qingyuan had hidden a smile.

“Yes, Yuan-er,” he had replied obediently.

“Make sure that you do,” he had said haughtily before cuddling up with Yue Qingyuan as was his habit whenever they were alone.

The meeting was far from done, but Yue Qingyuan already looked forward to its ending. He had just gotten his hands on an extremely rare tea, and he planned to share it with his best friend after this.

At least three peaks wouldn’t be fighting for disciples this time around. What with Shen Qingqiu being dead, Shang Qinghua having fled, and Liu Qingge being disinclined to picking any more inner disciples, there’d be more for the rest of them.

Yue Qingyuan looked at the Qing Jing Peak seat where Ming Fan was acting as its representative on account of being the head disciple. The young man looked as nervous as ever, what with having to contend with the personalities of his martial aunts and uncles as they squabbled about the potential future disciples. His An Ding Peak counterpart, on the other hand, was fast asleep in his seat.

Yue Qingyuan noted the heavy bags underneath the boy’s eyes. While Xiao-Jiu had done Cang Qiong a favour by using Liu Qingge to reveal the traitor, the fact was that with Shang Qinghua suddenly gone, the rest of An Ding Peak had to scramble to handle all of his duties, which was rather considerable. Even after all this time, An Ding Peak was only half as efficient as it had been under Shang Qinghua.

Ming Fan visibly steeled himself before looking at Yue Qingyuan and opening his mouth. “Zhangmen-shibo, I have a request. Please let Qing Jing Peak take part in selecting disciples this year.”

Unsurprisingly, this request was met with uproar.

“How can Qing Jing Peak demand disciples when there’s no Peak Lord?!” roared Rong Qinghan.

Qi Qingqi nodded in agreement. “Indeed. You are still only the head disciple, Ming-shizhi. You have no right to take in disciples.”

Ming Fan’s face was pale, but he didn’t back down. “I’m sorry, Qi-shigu, Rong-shishu, but there actually is precedence for a head disciple to take in disciples when the Peak Lord is either dead or incapacitated.”

He pulled out a few scrolls from his qiankun pouch and proffered them to Yue Qingyuan. “I have the proof right here.”

Yue Qingyuan read through the scrolls carefully. True enough, there was precedence for that, though the last such case had been over two hundred years ago. He gave the scrolls back to Ming Fan.

“Very well,” he said. “Qing Jing Peak may accept disciples this year – but no more than three.”

Ming Fan bowed to him. “Thanking Zhangmen-shibo for his magnanimity.”

Yue Qingyuan nodded to him, and turned back to the rest of his arguing martial siblings. Fortunately, the arguments soon petered out and he could bring the meeting to a close. He saw off his martial siblings and nephews before leaving the hall to return to his own home. Xiao-Jiu was waiting for him.

Two weeks later, Yue Qingyuan stood on top of the cliff, overseeing the candidates as they dug with all their strength. Even through the crowd, he could see Shen Jiu digging. The hole he had dug so far was deeper than most of the other candidates. It gladdened Yue Qingyuan’s heart that the gods had been kind enough to compensate his friend with a new body that had strong innate talent after his old body’s ability to cultivate had been damaged.

Qi Qingqi came to stand beside him. “Yuan-er’s certainly showing that he has exceptional innate talent, isn’t he?” She then sighed. “What a pity that he’s not a girl, or else I’d take him into my peak.”

“Indeed,” Yue Qingyuan offered politely, eyes still on his friend.

It would draw too much attention if he were to jump down and bring Xiao-Jiu into his peak himself. He turned to his right to tell his senior disciple, Chang Yeemun to bring Shen Yuan in, only to be faced with Ming Fan.

Ming Fan smiled nervously at him. “Zhangmen-shibo, can we talk about the monthly budget for Qing Jing Peak? I feel like we could do with a little more. I mean, some of our musical instruments are getting old, we need more painting supplies, and um– Flowers! Yes, we could do with some flowers being planted on the peak.”

Yue Qingyuan smiled back at him. “Ming-shizhi, if you feel so strongly about Qing Jing Peak’s budget, perhaps you can send a proper report to me later? Now, if you’d excuse me, I’d–”

A whoop came from below. Yue Qingyuan looked down to see Ning Yingying, cheerfully leading two young girls up, with Xiao-Jiu thrown over one shoulder. Xiao-Jiu didn’t look at all displeased about being selected for Qing Jing Peak once again. In fact, he was smirking up at Yue Qingyuan.

Yue Qingyuan turned back to Ming Fan and raised one eyebrow. “Ming-shizhi, if you wanted Yuan-er to enter Qing Jing Peak so badly, you could have just said so, without all this rigmarole.”

Ming Fan bowed his head meekly. “Begging your pardon, Zhangmen-shibo, but we weren’t sure that you’d agree to let us take in Yuan-er if we asked. We know that you wanted him for your peak.”

“We”, Ming Fan said. Which at the very least, meant Ning Yingying was part of this as well – if not the other disciples.

“If Yuan-er himself wished to enter Qing Jing Peak, I would have granted your request, shizhi,” chided Yue Qingyuan.

“I apologise, Zhangmen-shibo,” said Ming Fan, continuing to look as meek as possible.

Yue Qingyuan doubted that he really was sorry for poaching “Yuan-er” from underneath him, but since Xiao-Jiu himself was fine with it, he would let it slide. Of course, Xiao-Jiu being enrolled in Qing Jing Peak meant that they would have less opportunities to spend time together. But then again, he could always visit Qing Jing Peak whenever he wanted. In fact, Yue Qingquan decided that he’d go over tonight itself with a little gift, to congratulate Xiao-Jiu on entering Qing Jing Peak. He hoped that his friend would like his present.

___________________________________________________________

Shen Jiu knelt in front of the mushroom that contained his baba’s soul. “Hello baba, I’m here again to visit,” he started.

He had once felt foolish about talking to a plant, but after five years, he was now used to it. It also helped that there was no one around to watch him do it.

“Life in Qing Jing Peak is about the same,” he continued. “I’m still taking care of our house, Lu-shimei and Dong-shimei continue to be tolerable, my lessons are going well, my cultivation is improving, and my teachers continue to be impressed with my swordsmanship.”

Even before he had reentered Qing Jing Peak, Shen Jiu had secretly practised his swordsmanship by using the wooden sword the brute had given him as a birthday gift. While his mind remembered the Qing Jing Peak style, this new body didn’t, and he had to train himself all over again. He had explained away his skill by pointing out that he had been watching the disciples practise their sword since he was two years old. It still garnered him much praise, which Shen Jiu was only too happy to bask in.

And as for his cultivation, well, he was taking his time with it. In his previous body, one of the reasons why his cultivation had been lacking compared to his other peers – other than Qiu Jianluo’s abuse, Wu Yanzi’s skewed teachings, and coming late to cultivation itself – was because Shen Jiu had rushed the basics as much as he could. Back then, he had been so desperate to prove himself, to gain the coveted position of head disciple, that he had pushed himself to progress far more than he should have.

The problem with that was that an unstable foundation would lead to difficulty reaching the higher stages later on. That was also likely one of the reasons why he had been prone to qi deviations in his past life. Well, Shen Jiu was having none of that this time around! He’d make sure that his basics were as strong as possible before entering the next stage of cultivation. This way, he’d be able to surpass not only his past self, but also his baba!

Shen Jiu continued to talk about his ex-martial siblings, the progress of his ex-disciples (now his new martial siblings), how the rest of the world was doing, and… the beast. He still detested the demon, but he couldn’t help but be worried about his growing instability – if only because an insane half-Heavenly Demon would be a disaster! This was clearly the work of Xin Mo! But despite Shen Jiu’s attempts to persuade Luo Binghe to get rid of his demonic sword, the beast refused to do so. The most that Shen Jiu got was him promising to stop using it once Shen Qingqiu was finally resurrected.

And that brought him to today. The mushroom that hosted the body thief’s soul was now a pale green in colour. According to that medical book that Shen Jiu had found, that meant that it was almost time for the mushroom body to emerge.

He had been eagerly waiting for the resurrection of his baba, to welcome him back to Qing Jing Peak, but after some time, Shen Jiu had started to wonder. Was it fair to his body thief baba to return to being the Qing Jing Peak Lord when he hadn’t even wanted to be Shen Qingqiu in the first place? Would he want to do so if he had a choice? If all went as they had planned, Shen Jiu’s baba would be free of the god’s influence in his new body, and would no longer have to hew to its whims.

Shen Jiu had tossed and turned over this matter for many months before he had finally come to a decision. He would let his baba choose his own path, whether it be returning to Qing Jing Peak or to roam the world as a rogue cultivator.

Shen Jiu pulled a qiankun pouch out of his sleeve and placed it at the base of the mushroom. He had already packed the pouch with clothes, a fan, money, and all the necessities his baba would need once he emerged from the earth.

Shen Jiu then stood up. “I really hope you’ll choose to come back to us, baba,” he whispered before turning back and activating the To-And-Fro amulet to whisk him back to Qing Jing Peak. He still had an assignment to do.

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu’s questing hands finally reached open air. From there, it was only a matter of time before he managed to pull the rest of his body out. He took a moment to revel in the pure and fresh air of freedom. And then he fell down face-first. Instead of his nose meeting the ground though, his face ended up being mildly cushioned by a cloth bundle.

Shen Qingqiu forced his body to sit up and then slowly pulled the cloth bundle towards him. It turned out to be a qiankun pouch. Inside, he found two sets of clothes, a smaller pouch containing money, a couple of knives, a nightpearl, one of his fans, a small jar of bath beans and… a sheet of paper.

Shen Qingqiu used the night pearl to properly look at the paper. It turned out to be a letter. Dear body-thief baba, read the letter. If you’re reading this, then you must be out of the mushroom now. Have no fear, I have told no one about your plans for resurrection. Not Ning Yingying, not Yue Qingyuan, and definitely not the beast. (The rat has not told anyone either as far as I know). You need not worry for me, for I am now a disciple of Qing Jing Peak once again. I also have “Uncle Yue” and my once-disciples to care for me. So, you can do as you like now – assuming that the System no longer troubles you, of course. If you wish to resume being Shen Qingqiu, then Cang Qiong will no doubt, welcome you with open arms. If you wish to roam the world as a wandering cultivator, then go ahead. I already have left you some supplies for that anyway. Whichever path you choose though, I must warn you to stay away from Luo Binghe (the beast). Yours sincerely, Shen Jiu (Yuan).

Shen Qingqiu folded the letter, feeling a sudden rush of warmth for his scum villain son. Awww, who’d have thought that the original goods could become so sweet. Still, he wished that Shen Jiu had written a date in his letter. How long had he been dead? Five years? Ten? Fifteen? Definitely long enough for his son to become a Peak disciple though. Shen Qingqiu hoped that he was doing alright.

He looked down at the letter again and shook his head. How typical of the original goods to still detest the protagonist. He didn’t have to warn him about Luo Binghe though. Shen Qingqiu wasn’t going to go anywhere near his former disciple. He hoped that Luo Binghe was doing well though. Surely by now, he already had at least a couple of wives who’d help him forget all about his former Shizun.

Shen Qingqiu tried to get up again and then grimaced. It seemed that his body wasn’t listening to him again. And so he continued to sit on the ground, going through the things that his son had left for him.

When he could finally get up, he did warm-up exercises until he could finally walk like a normal person. Using one of the knives and a mirror his son had left him, he shaved his beard off. However after shaving, he noted that his current body looked about 30-40 percent similar to Shen Qingqiu’s, so he picked up the beard again and stuck it back on his face. Once that was done, he set off down the mountain. It was time to see the world!

___________________________________________________________

Shen Jiu was playing weiqi with Yue Qingyuan when the brute suddenly barged in, holding Shen Jiu’s old body in his arms. Much to Shen Jiu’s disgust, the corpse was wrapped in the brute’s outer robe.

“Zhangmen-shixiong, I have finally succeeded in regaining Shen Qingqiu’s body back from the beast, Luo Binghe,” announced the brute.

Shen Jiu flicked his fan open. “Considering that you’ve been losing on a regular basis for the past five years, I am now deeply curious about how you managed it this time around,” he drawled.

The brute glared at him, but before he could tell Shen Jiu off, Yue Qingyuan spoke up, “I too would like to know how you managed to retrieve our martial brother’s corpse.”

And so the brute opened his mouth and told about how he had stormed Huan Hua Palace (not caring that someone had to have disabled the defences for him to get as far as he had) and how a mysterious stranger had helped him get Shen Qingqiu’s body back (without caring about who this cultivator was or why he was helping him). Typical Liu Qingge!

Shen Jiu on the other hand, knew full well who had disabled the defences and helped the brute get back Shen Qingqiu’s body, and that was no other than his baba!

It was still weird looking at his own corpse. No matter that said body hadn’t been his for over a decade, it never failed to be disconcerting.

“Yuan-er, are you alright with this?” asked Yue Qingyuan in a low voice.

“Yuan-er is fine with baba being returned so that we may have a proper funeral for him,” answered Shen Jiu.

Even if it was weird that the body be buried while its two owners were still alive, it wasn’t as if either of them had any use for it anymore. Shen Jiu had this much superior body that wasn’t inflicted with Without-A-Cure and multiple qi deviations, and his baba now had a mushroom body which was likely overflowing with spiritual energy.

Yue Qingyuan nodded. “Very well. In that case, Liu-shidi, could you please take Qingqiu-shidi’s corpse to the funerary platform and alert the disciples so that we may prepare it for the funeral?”

The brute nodded and then solemnly walked off with Shen Jiu’s old body still in his arms. Shen Jiu shuddered. As if it was bad enough that it had been manhandled by the beast for five years, now the brute was carrying his corpse around like it was his betrothed bride! If Shen Jiu hadn’t already not wanted to return to his former body, seeing this would have done it!

Once Liu Qingge was gone, Yue Qingyuan turned to Shen Jiu. “Are you really sure that you’re alright with this?” he persisted. “I know that you were hoping that Luo Binghe would be able to resurrect your baba.”

“It’s fine,” insisted Shen Jiu.

If this had happened only a week ago, Shen Jiu would have been calling the beast and berating him for his failure at protecting Shen Qingqiu’s corpse and demanding that he get it back right now! But the last time he had visited his baba’s mushroom, it was to find a withered mushroom with a large hole in front of it and the words “thank you” written in the dirt. So he knew that his body thief baba was out there somewhere and that Luo Binghe’s attempts at resurrection were no longer needed. Shen Jiu fervently hoped that his baba had gotten away from the beast after the corpse had been rescued and was now laying low somewhere.

Yue Qingyuan smiled down at him. “Well, if Yuan-er is alright with it, then I have no objections.”

Shen Jiu nodded.

“In that case, tomorrow Uncle Yue will discuss with the rest of your martial aunts and uncles regarding your baba’s funeral preparations. Yuan-er can sit in too,” offered Yue Qingyuan.

If it was already weird to look at your own corpse, it was going to be even weirder to help to arrange the funeral for it. Still, barring Yue Qi, Shen Jiu didn’t trust the rest of his ex-martial siblings not to muck things up. And so he agreed.

“Would you like to have a hug, Yuan-er?” asked Yue Qingyuan.

Shen Jiu considered this and decided that yes, he would like a hug from his Qi-ge. He nodded his head and Yue Qingyuan knelt down and took him in his arms. Shen Jiu hugged him back as fiercely.

Oh, baba. Wherever you are, I hope that you’re alright.

______________________________________________________________________

Shen Qingqiu raced up the great staircase of Cang Qiong, leaping multiple steps as he went. If his sect was under attack, then they needed all the help they could get. The farther up he went, the clearer it became that the sky above Qiong Ding Peak was roiling with the flash of lightning and the crash of thunder.

When he finally reached the summit of the peak, he found that some of the roofs of the building had collapsed and been destroyed, and the ground was littered with icicles. Outside of Qiong Ding Hall, two distinct factions faced each other. On one side were the human cultivators headed by Yue Qingyuan, and on the either side were demon soldiers in black armour, headed by Luo Binghe.

It appeared that Luo Binghe was no longer bothering to hide his identity, and Shen Qingqiu was not the least bit surprised. Luo Binghe’s bloodline reveal in the original work had been around this time as well.

Surprisingly enough, it appeared that the demons were worse off than the cultivators. And the reason for that could be no other than Yue Qingyuan. There was a reason why Bing-ge had chosen to ambush Yue Qingyuan in the original work rather than defeat him in single combat. Despite this however, Luo Binghe didn’t look like he was about to back down.

As Shen Qingqiu watched, Luo Binghe put his hand to Xin Mo’s hilt. As if to copy him, Yue Qingyuan’s hand went to the hilt of Xuan Su. The fanboy part of Shen Qingqiu screamed with delight about getting to see such a battle. Xin Mo vs Xuan Su: who would actually win? was a question that had long plagued the forums of PIDW. And now he could know the truth!

The larger part of Shen Qingqiu then stomped the fanboy flat. This was real life, not a story, he scolded himself. If Luo Binghe and Yue Qingyuan were to fight for real, the effects would be devastating for both combatants and those around them! Sure Luo Binghe had the protagonist halo which would ensure that he didn’t die, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t be badly injured.

Shen Qingqiu was not going to stand by and let them destroy themselves! He rushed forward and stood between the two combatants, placing his left hand on the hand Yue Qingyuan placed on Xuan Su, while his right pushed down on the hand Luo Binghe had placed on Xin Mo, thus preventing them both from drawing their swords.

Then Luo Binghe abruptly flipped his hand over and grabbed his wrist, fastening around it securely like a shackle of ice. “Caught you, Shizun,” he purred.

After a moment of absolute silence, a clamour rose amongst the cultivators. And then Shang Qinghua emerged from behind Mobei-Jun to let the cat out of the bag about the Sun and Moon Dew Mushroom and Shen Qingqiu’s resurrection. While Yue Qingyuan was distracted by Shang Qinghua’s story, Luo Binghe pulled Shen Qingqiu into his arms and took a few steps away from him. It turned out that the whole attack on Cang Qiong was just to lure Shen Qingqiu out. Thinking about how he had been tricked in the dreamscape by Luo Binghe pretending to be pitiful, made Shen Qingqiu want to spit.

Even so, Shen Qingqiu knew what he had to do. The reason why Luo Binghe had led an army to Cang Qiong was for him and while the battle had been much in the cultivators’ favour, that was only because Yue Qingyuan had been around and as Sha Hualing’s invasion had shown, he could not be on Cang Qiong 24/7 365 days a year. If Shen Qingqiu stayed at Cang Qiong, Luo Binghe would wait until Yue Qingyuan left – if he didn’t arrange some disaster to get Yue Qingyuan to leave the mountain first – and then attack once more, and who knew how much destruction the second attack would cause? And so for the good of the sect, Shen Qingqiu agreed to leave with Luo Binghe who responded by pulling him even further away from Yue Qingyuan.

This decision was met with much protest, both from his martial siblings and his disciples. Liu Qingge accused him of throwing himself at another man’s feet – hello shidi, can you please rephrase that sentence? Yue Qingyuan had to be reminded that as the head of the sect, he should prioritise the disciples of the peak. Ning Yingying had to be coaxed away – what a filial girl he had raised. He was so proud of her.

And then Luo Binghe made things worse by demanding Shen Qingqiu’s previous body. That led to even more yelling and arguments. In the midst of this commotion, a small figure broke away from the crowd and latched onto Shen Qingqiu’s waist.

“Baba, don’t go!” yelled the boy. “Yuan-er just got you back!”

It was the original goods – grown taller since the last time Shen Qingqiu had laid eyes on him, but still a cute little bun. And dressed in Qing Jing Peak colours too.

Shen Qingqiu patted him on the head. “There, there, Yuan-er. Baba will be alright.”

Well, at least he hoped that he’d be alright.

Shen Jiu stubbornly shook his head. “Baba doesn’t need to go with the ugly beast! Cang Qiong can protect you!”

Shouts of agreement came from the crowd. Shen Qingqiu studiously ignored them.

“Luo Binghe is the disciple that I taught, so it’s only right for me to take responsibility,” he answered. “Also, if I don’t go with him now, he will only attack Cang Qiong again and then more people will get hurt. Best to prevent that from happening and just give in now.”

Shen Jiu set his jaw mulishly. “Then Yuan-er will go with you!” he declared.

“No,” stated Shen Qingqiu firmly. “Stay with your martial siblings and concentrate on your studies.”

Shen Jiu glared at him but still refused to let go.

Shen Qingqiu opened his mouth to argue further, but he was then distracted by Liu Mingyan entering the hall and whispering something to Qi Qingqi. His shimei tilted her head to listen, and shock bloomed on her face before it transformed into calm.

“Luo Binghe, don’t bother to fight anymore!” she called. “Even if we agreed to grant your wish, it cannot come true.”

She then gestured Liu Mingyan forward. “Liu Mingyan, tell them.”

“Shen-shibo’s immortal body has disappeared,” announced Liu Mingyan.

After speaking, she stepped aside and several disciples were brought in from the back of the hall. These were the disciples in charge of guarding the funerary platform but now, they were all unconscious and their skin was an eerie, bruised colour.

The hall burst into an uproar. Luo Binghe’s expression also changed. In the uproar, the original goods seized the opportunity to stab Luo Binghe in the side with a knife.

Shen Qingqiu’s jaw dropped. Original goods, you already died an ignoble death in PIDW, why are you courting death at Luo Binghe’s hands once again?! Only wives can get away with stabbing the protagonist! Not you or me!

What actually came out of his mouth was, “Why do you have a knife?”

Luo Binghe pulled the knife out and away from Shen Jiu. “That’s what I’d like to know!”

As one, they both turned to look at Yue Qingyuan who put his hands to his mouth and called back, “I didn’t give him a knife!”

Luo Binghe pulled the original goods off Shen Qingqiu.

“Don’t hurt him!” protested Shen Qingqiu.

Luo Binghe gave him a wounded look and then threw a shrieking Shen Jiu in the direction of Yue Qingyuan who caught him easily.

“I’ll get you for that!” yelled the original goods from the safety of Yue Qingyuan’s arms.

Luo Binghe ignored him.

“No matter who took Shizun’s immortal body, I’ll find it eventually,” he vowed.

He then unsheathed Xin Mo and black qi streamed forth from it. An arcing crack split open where the blade sliced through the air.

“Tell your demons to retreat,” Shen Qingqiu reminded him.

Luo Binghe gave him a look. “As Shizun wishes.”

He then signalled his army to retreat and then pulled Shen Qingqiu into the crack.

_____________________________________________________________

“You lied to me!” yelled Shen Jiu. “You said that when baba returned, you’d respect his wishes! What do you call this then?”

“I changed my mind,” replied Luo Binghe bleakly.

Shen Jiu glared at him. Ever since Luo Binghe had kidnapped his baba, he had been pressing his amulet constantly. He had half-expected the demon to get fed up and toss away his own amulet, but to his surprise, the demon had actually brought him to his side. Of course, bringing him to his side didn’t mean that he was going to listen to him.

Shen Jiu directed his scowl to Xin Mo. “And what’s this still doing here? You said that you’d get rid of it after you got baba back!”

“Did I?” replied the demon carelessly. “I don’t recall.” He put his hand over the sword’s hilt. “Besides, I might still need its power in retrieving Shizun’s body.”

“And do you remember what happened five years ago with Xin Mo and baba?” retorted Shen Jiu. “Because I do – and I wasn’t even there.”

“And I’ve told you that I’ve taken precautions to ensure that that never happens again,” retorted Luo Binghe coldly.

Shen Jiu stamped his foot. “And I’m telling you that Xin Mo isn’t to be trusted! Even if it will never recoil again, it’s bound to do something just as bad! I mean, look at yourself! You’re a lot more crazy than you were five years ago!”

At that, Luo Binghe unsheathed Xin Mo. Shen Jiu backpedalled away from him and pulled out a knife. If the beast was about to kill him, then he wasn’t going down without a fight! And now that his cultivation had progressed, he could create some nasty little surprises for the demon

Luo Binghe sighed upon seeing his blade. “Just how many of those do you actually have?”

“Enough,” snapped Shen Jiu.

Instead of attacking him with Xin Mo however, the demon sliced the air open with the blade, easily evaded the sharp little metal projectiles that Shen Jiu created and flung at him, and closed the gap between them to disarm Shen Jiu of his knife. He then picked him up by the front of his robes and tossed him into the crack. Shen Jiu landed right on his bottom and the rift closed up almost immediately after him.

Shen Jiu stood up and rubbed his behind as he scowled at where the rift had been. That damned beast! He hadn’t even finished half of what he wanted to say! The demon was growing more and more unstable throughout the years and Shen Jiu blamed Xin Mo for it. The Luo Binghe five years ago would never have attacked Cang Qiong, much less have imprisoned Shen Qingqiu! Little surprise there, a cursed sword named “Heart Demon” was bound to worsen any issues its owner had, be they mental or emotional. And the world didn’t need an insane half-Heavenly Demon running about.

Shen Jiu looked around him. For a moment, he thought the demon had thrown him back to the bamboo house, but a look outside the windows showed that he was in the Demonic Realm. His lip curled. So Luo Binghe was trying to relieve his disciple days in his demonic palace, was he? How pathetic.

“Original goods?” called a voice.

He turned to see the body thief stepping out of the bathroom. “What are you doing here?” asked the body thief.

“Go ask the beast,” snapped Shen Jiu. “He’s the one that tossed me here!”

His body thief baba’s eyebrows went up. “Did he kidnap you?”

Well, this was a far cry from the days when his body thief baba had insisted that Luo Binghe could do nothing wrong. Then again, considering everything that had happened in Jin Lan City and the demon attacking Cang Qiong, it was little wonder.

“No,” admitted Shen Jiu. “I wanted to see you.”

His body thief baba’s face softened. “Awww, I missed you too.”

Shen Jiu smiled sinisterly as he stepped towards the man. “Yes, I wanted to see you so badly – so I can scold you properly for all your nonsense! What in the nine hells did you think you were doing?”

“Well–” started the body thief.

“Don’t you ‘well’ me!” snapped Shen Jiu.

He then launched into a tirade about the body thief’s many mistakes and shows of idiocy starting from Jin Lan City and ending in Luo Binghe’s invasion of Cang Qiong. The body thief listened patiently to him until he was finally done.

“I’m sorry to have made you worry so much,” offered the body thief meekly.

“I wasn’t worried about you!” snapped Shen Jiu as he crossed his arms. “Not like those other morons on Cang Qiong!”

The body thief flicked open his fan and fanned himself. “Of course you weren’t.” He then mumbled something under his breath.

“What was that?” demanded Shen Jiu.

“Oh, nothing,” insisted the body thief. He then smiled at Shen Jiu. “So, would you like to hear my side of the story starting from Jin Lan?”

Ah, finally he would know the full story. Shen Jiu nodded eagerly.

And so the two of them sat down together and his body thief baba told him everything that had happened after he had stepped foot into Jin Lan City. As the tale went on, Shen Jiu had to grudgingly admit that mostly his baba had picked the right decision at the time even if he had gone about it in his own strange manner. He still didn’t agree with him surrendering – both to the Old Palace Master and Luo Binghe though. And he was rather impressed by the way his baba had tricked the snake demon who had kidnapped him. He wouldn’t have been able to come up with such a plan had he been in his baba’s shoes.

“-Anyway, after I rode the snake demon out of the town, I patted him on the head and said, ‘I’m not interested in immigrating to the Demon Realm. Also, I’m under a lot of pressure right now. Since you can’t remove the heavenly demon blood either, there’s no need to repay the debt of gratitude. Goodbye, Xizhi-Lang’ and then hopped off and made my escape,” continued his baba.

Shen Jiu put a hand up. “Wait a minute. Did you just call the demon that kidnapped you, ‘Xizhi-Lang’?”

“Yes, because his name, Zhuzhi-Lang, is rather similar to the name of a brand of pudding cup in my world,” answered his body thief baba.

Shen Jiu put his hands on his hips. “Oh, I’m sorry. Let me rephrase that: you called the demon that kidnapped you, pudding cup?!”

“Yes,” said the body thief casually, as if it was a perfectly normal thing to give kidnapping demons cute nicknames.

Shen Jiu didn’t know how to tell his idiot baba that if this cousin of Luo Binghe hadn’t already been in love with him before the kidnapping, then he definitely was now! Why oh why, did he have to attract such flies? And this was a particularly large one too!

At least now he knew who had invaded Huan Hua Palace and killed those disciples and who had stolen away Shen Qingqiu’s immortal body. Shen Jiu shuddered. If this snake demon was anything like his cousin, then he was probably embracing that corpse right now.

His baba continued on with his story when he realised that Shen Jiu wasn’t going to add anything further. Not that there was a lot more to say – he had used the snake demon’s money to buy himself a rented spirit sword which he had used to make his way back to Cang Qiong just in time for Luo Binghe’s invasion. And the rest Shen Jiu already knew.

His baba suddenly snapped his fingers. “Oh! There’s one thing I forgot to mention!” He then grabbed Shen Jiu by the shoulders. “Luo Binghe likes me! In the romantic sense! What do I do?”

Finally, his time had come. Shen Jiu pushed his baba’s hands away, stood up, drew himself to his full height, pointed a finger at his baba, and thundered, “I TOLD YOU SO!!”

“I told you, didn’t I, all those years ago?” continued Shen Jiu. “I told you that the beast was trying to get into your pants. And what did you say?” He then did an impression of the body thief. “‘Oh original goods, don’t be ridiculous! Luo Binghe is only interested in women. There’s no way that he could ever be attracted to me.’ Well, hah! Hah!”

“I’m so sorry that I didn’t believe you back then,” apologised his baba. “Truly you must have the insight of the gods to realise Luo Binghe’s true feelings.”

“What ‘insight of the gods’?” snapped Shen Jiu. “It was so obvious that the beast was aiming to be your cultivation partner that everyone noticed. Even the brute realised it – the brute! – and he’s usually the last person to notice such things!”

His baba subsided meekly.

“So, what’s the beast done anyway?” questioned Shen Jiu.

“He kissed me,” answered his baba. “Though I think that he thought he was dreaming at the time. It was in his dreamscape, you see?”

Shen Jiu did see. “Did he do anything further?” he probed.

His baba shook his head. “Nothing further. When he brought me here, I told him that I didn’t want to see his face and after that, he never came back here. He just has his demon servants bring over his cooking, and that’s it.”

Was it just him, or did his body thief baba seem a little put-out about it?

“What did you expect him to do?” asked Shen Jiu suspiciously.

His baba waved a hand. “Oh, you know, the usual. Shackling me to the bed, blindfolded and gagged, or stripping me naked and whipping me. That sort of thing.”

Shen Jiu was aghast. He hadn’t known that his baba’s tastes were so extreme!

“You – you want him to do all of those things to you?” he demanded.

“No!” refuted the body thief immediately. “It’s just that that’s what the gay guys in my sister’s novels do to each other.”

Ah.

Shen Jiu put his hands on his hips again. “Were these novels anything like Resentment of Chunshan?”

The body thief waggled one hand from side to side. “Sort of.”

“You’re a moron,” Shen Jiu informed him.

“So you’ve told me the last ten times in various ways,” replied his baba. He then scowled. “Speaking of Resentment of Chunshan, I’d like to have a long talk with this Liu Su Mian Hua about all the bullshit they wrote.”

“You can if you come back to Cang Qiong,” Shen Jiu told him. “The author’s Liu Mingyan.”

His baba actually dropped his fan in shock. “Liu Mingyan?! Are you serious??!!”

Shen Jiu nodded. “Rough drafts were found in her room and she admitted to it when asked. She was banned from writing anymore of it, but her earlier stories are still circulating about.” He then pulled a sour face. “The general populace still has yet to tire of it though.”

“I still can’t believe that Liu Mingyan of all people would write NC-17 BL – and ones about me too,” breathed the body thief. He then shook himself. “Anyway, enough about me. What have you been up to in the past five years, original goods?”

Shen Jiu opened his mouth to tell him when the rat suddenly walked in. His baba immediately shot a spiritual blast at the rat. Unfortunately, the rat used a sheathed sword to absorb the attack. This didn’t stop his body thief baba from hitting him over the head with his fan while cursing him for selling him out.

Unsurprisingly, the rat wasn’t the least bit repentant about revealing the truth about his body thief baba’s resurrection. He then distracted the body thief by handing over Xiu Ya, which had been repaired so perfectly that there wasn’t even a hairline fracture to be seen. Shen Jiu had to be impressed at the skill of the repairing smith.

His baba then asked the rat about Tianlang-Jun. Shen Jiu, who had been considering whether or not he could get away with stabbing the rat in front of him, took his hand away from his hidden knife. All he knew about Tianlang-Jun was that the demon had been planning to wage war on the Human Realm, which was why the four major sects had come together to seal him away.

What he got from the rat though turned out to be unsatisfactory. Apparently the rat had meant Tianlang-Jun to be something called the “final boss” in Proud Immortal Demon Way, but his writing machine had broken down and thus he had decided to go for the easier path – which was pornography. He had then never bothered to write Tianlang-Jun’s story because he was afraid that the father would be more popular than the son.

Shen Jiu didn’t give a shit about a demon’s sob story. What was more important was how this abandoned plotline was going to bite them in the back. His baba must’ve had the same thought because he slapped the table and demanded to rat to list out everything he had originally planned for the story but didn’t write.

The rat opened his mouth to talk, but then suddenly the maids outside the room chorused in a respectful tone, “My lord.”

At this, Shang Qinghua’s expression transformed and he immediately ran away through the back door, promising over his shoulder that he’d tell them later. Shen Jiu stamped his foot in disgust. The gods knew when “later” was going to be – assuming the rat didn’t back out of it.

The beast then entered the room. His gaze immediately alighted on the Xiu Ya sword in his baba’s hand and then shifted to Shen Jiu.

“Time for you to go home,” he announced and stepped towards Shen Jiu.

Shen Jiu quickly fled through the back door. He wasn’t going to go back to Qing Jing Peak just yet! Not when he had only just been reunited with his baba! The beast would have to catch him first if he wanted to send him back!

It took Shen Jiu a few minutes of running to realise that the beast wasn’t pursuing him. He looked around his surroundings. For a demon’s palace, it was rather bare. It was as if the beast hadn’t gotten around to decorating the place yet – or just didn’t care. The rat was nowhere in sight, which was a pity because Shen Jiu would’ve liked to interrogate him about Tianlang-Jun.

Shen Jiu sat down against a pillar. Perhaps he’d wait here a while before heading back to his baba. Hopefully by then the beast would have gone back to Huan Hua Palace. He had just set his bottom down on the cold marble floor when he heard blood-curdling screams coming from where he had left.

Baba!

Shen Jiu raced back to his baba’s quarters, heart in mouth. What was the beast doing to his baba?! Even if he had little chance of actually saving his baba from the beast, he had to at least try!

He had barely reached the door when he heard the beast screaming for the guards. Shen Jiu entered to find the beast kneeling on the floor, holding a large man-like figure made out of plant matter. As Shen Jiu watched, the figure started to decompose in front of him.

Shen Jiu strode over to the beast and seized him by the front of his robes. “What did you do to my baba?” he demanded.

The beast shook his head as he trembled. “We were just playing around. I only meant to scare him a bit when he started screaming and then this happened.”

Shen Jiu cursed. He now knew why the snake demon had stolen the immortal body of Shen Qingqiu. It was so that he could call his baba’s soul into the body by using the Coffin of Resurrection!

“This is clearly the work of your snake demon cousin,” he informed the beast.

The beast stared at him blankly. “My what?”

Shen Jiu let out an exasperated sigh. “He’s on your father’s side. Apparently he tried to kidnap Baba earlier to the Demon Realm – probably to marry him there – but Baba was too smart for him and escaped.”

“And so he chose to steal Shizun’s immortal body in order to summon his soul over,” continued the beast. “I see.”

He then smiled. “Luckily, Mobei-Jun has just captured the last Black Moon Python-Rhinoceros that I need to storm the Holy Mausoleum.”

“You do that,” snapped Shen Jiu.

He didn’t like the idea of his baba being back in the beast’s clutches, but in this case, it was better the demon you knew than the one you didn’t.

As quick as a flash, Luo Binghe brought a hand up and pressed Shen Jiu’s amulet.

“Time for you to go back,” Shen Jiu heard the beast say as the power of the amulet whisked him back to Qing Jing Peak.

Finding himself back in his bedroom, Shen Jiu cursed the beast once more. How dare he send him back whenever he pleased! He wasn’t the beast’s servant! He sat down on his bed and crossed his arms. And yet again, he had to wait for someone else to save his baba. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to wait so long this time.