Archive of Our Own ^beta

Mark sighs as the director yells cut once again, finally finishing a day worth of filming. "That's a wrap! See you tomorrow," A loud shout came from the megaphone before everyone moved all at once, from the production crew fixing all the equipment to managers mending their own artists' whims and commands.

Mark was quick to look up when he saw Doyoung in front of him, his manager, who's on his phone probably talking to someone from the company, already notifying them of Mark's yet again, successful drama taping for the day.

"Oo nga, Yuta, I'll tell him." He finally said as he dropped the call and finally focused on Mark who's sweating really hard.

"You did great today." Doyoung said as he offered him a bottle of water. Agad iyong tinanggap ni Mark at ininom dahil rin siguro sa pagod dahil action scene ang finilm nila ngayong araw. "Thanks," Mark said after he finally regained his breathing at tyaka ito tumayo, brushing the fake bruise and blood out of his lips.

"Oh, wipes." Abot ni Doyoung sa kanya para maayos niyang matanggal ang make-up na nagkalat sa mukha niya. He's walking with Doyoung paalis ng set at papunta sa kanilang designated tent habang binabati ang bawat production crew. Nang makarating na sa tent ay tahimik namang umupo si Mark sa harapan ng salamin. He looked at the mirror as he wiped the remaining make-up on his face na hindi niya natanggal kanina, making sure nothing was left of it.

"Anong balak mo for your day-off tomorrow?" Tanong ni Doyoung habang may inaasikaso sa kaniyang iPad, probably fixing Mark's schedule for another month.

Tinignan siya ni Mark mula sa salamin at nag-angat naman din ng tingin ito sakanya. Nagtaas ng kilay si Doyoung na tila ba nagtatanong, Mark leaned on his chair as he sighed. "You don't even have to ask, I don't know why nagtatanong ka pa." Mark smirked.

"Just making sure." He said as he fixed his glasses, anime-style like. "So, recharge day tomorrow, huh?" Doyoung asked, as if it was a secret language that they both agreed upon.

Mark could only smile and nod. "Yeah, recharge." 

…

The car ride was awfully slow and painful for Mark. He tried to sleep but it was impossible lalo na kung nangangatog na siyang bumaba at umuwi. Panay ang tingin niya sa labas, as if it would make the car ride faster kahit alam niyang sobrang traffic naman sa EDSA.

"God, could this traffic be any slower?" Mark whined as he looked past the line of cars busting their horns at one another, acting as if it would make the traffic any less heavier.

"Calm your ass down, Mark." Doyoung only said as he calmly went back to fixing Mark's schedule on his iPad. Mark could only groan as he slumped himself back on his seat and fished his phone to look at fan's comments to waste his time.

Luckily, Mark went home without almost losing his patience. He quickly covered his eyes as Doyoung went on his side to cover him from all of the paparazzis that were crowding in front of his condo building. He jogged from where their car was parked to his hotel lobby, finally letting out a sigh of relief when they arrived unscathed.

"Araw-araw, parami sila nang parami." Doyoung could only say as he was catching his breath. Mark laughed, "Saw the article about the dating scandal. Hasn't the agency fixed that for me yet?" Mark asked nang tinignan siya ni Doyoung.

Umiling ito habang napaupo sa couch sa may lobby dahil sa sobrang pagod. "They won't listen. Publicity na rin siguro since your drama's coming up, baka linisin nalang once na-air na ang series." Mark snickered, "Ano pa nga ba," He said as he stood up.

"I'll go now, thanks for today, Kuya Doy. Ingat sa pagbalik." Ani Mark at iwinagayway ang kamay niya.

Doyoung hummed as he hugged Mark. "Tell me pag nakaalis ka ng safe, ha? The car's waiting sa likod." Doyoung tapped his back as he whispered and finally broke the hug as he walked away to exit the building.

Mark happily jogs to where the elevators are and quickly runs to his unit to wash up and get ready to leave the building again.

Hindi na mapakali si Mark when he sees the familiar building outside his car window. The car was tinted and he made sure no one saw and followed him through here. He thanked the driver, Kun— Doyoung's friend, from driving him there as he wears his shades, even though it's night time, and entered the building free from the gazes of the paparazzis.

One knock is all it takes for Hyuck to open the door. Mark saw him rubbing his sleepy eyes, probably because he accidentally slept while waiting for Mark who took too long to arrive at his unit.

"Hi, baby. Miss me?" Mark greeted as he opened his arms for Hyuck to plunge himself in his chest. 

"Good morning, it's midnight na." Hyuck said, stating the obvious, his voice a little raspy because he just woke up. Hinagod ni Mark ang kanyang likod, feeling Hyuck up because it's the first time in weeks na nagkita ulit sila, mostly because of Mark's busy schedule, but sometimes it’s because he feels that Hyuck is avoiding him.

"Did you have dinner na? Can we order out? I'm starving." Mark talked from the kitchen, probably scanning Donghyuck's fridge, as Hyuck went back to the couch, wanting to drift back to sleep.

"You can order out, kumain ka na 'ko kanina 'di na kita nahintay. Sorry, Markie." He replied as he lowered the volume of his television. "S'okay. Can I borrow your phone?" Aniya kaya agad naman itong inabot ni Hyuck sakanya.

He silently watched his favorite series as Mark sat beside him, scrolling through his phone on the FoodPanda app to find a resto na hindi pa sarado ng madaling araw.

"McDonald’s nalang ang available." Mark said, disappointed. Natawa lang si Hyuck sa kanya dahil expected naman na talaga 'yon given that Mark arrived ng ganitong oras, there's probably no store na bukas kaya pasalamat na lang siya at 24/7 bukas ang Mcdonald's.

"Choosy ka pa." Ani Hyuck sabay nguya sa kaniyang chips. Instead of replying, Mark crawled beside him as he snakes his arm on Hyuck's waist, tickling the younger. Pinatong nito ang kanyang ulo sa balikat ni Hyuck tyaka ngumuso, para bang nagpapaawa pa sa nakababata. Imbis na magreklamo pa ay hinayaan nalang ni Hyuck si Mark sa pagyakap niya dito, even letting him bury his face on Hyuck's neck. "Pagluto mo 'ko, baby?" Malambing ang tono ni Mark while leaving soft kisses on Hyuck's neck.

"Ano 'ko yaya? Magluto ka mag-isa," Hyuck spat as he tried to squirm out of Mark's hold but Mark only held him tighter, trying to show off his strength.

"Baby, please?" Mark whined some more. He laughed as he knows Mark hates cooking on his own. He can’t even fry an egg without burning it.

"Order ka nalang ng Mcdo, please? I'm too tired to cook." 

"Mas masarap pa rin luto mo kaya," Bola ni Mark kaya nakakuha siya ng batok from Hyuck.

In the end, Mark watched him as he cooked whatever he finds edible inside his fridge at pinakain 'yon sa gutom na gutom na si Mark. Mark happily ate his dinner slash midnight snack na dino-it-yourself lang ni Hyuck galing sa mga frozen goods sa ref niya.

"Should we go to the grocery store tomorrow? Wala ka nang stock ng pagkain, hindi pa ba expired tong mushroom?" Mark commented while he's stuffing himself with the beefsteak Hyuck cooked for him.

"Imbis na magreklamo ka, why don't you eat nalang?" Hyuck rolled his eyes as he sat down on the stool opposite to Mark's. Pinanood niya lang kumain si Mark habang siya ay umiinom ng tubig na galing sa ref.

Mark thanked him for the food as they settled on the couch, si Hyuck ay nasa ibabaw ni Mark at nakahiga ang ulo sa dibdib nito habang si Mark ay nagd-drawing ng mga invisible na bilog sa likod ni Hyuck, making Hyuck feel sleepy while watching tv.

"Work's been very hectic, sorry I haven't had the time to call minsan." Mark was first to talk while Hyuck's silently facing the tv.

It's not as if it's your responsibility to call or update me whenever , Hyuck wanted to respond but he could only nod while resting his head on Mark's chest. Of course, he won't say that. Swerte na lang siya at siya ang nakabingwit ng one and only Mark Lee, ang award-winning actor na kada buwan ay may nali-link na babae sakaniya sa mga articles na nababasa ni Hyuck tuwing nasa office siya. Hyuck sighed as he decided to just pay attention to the tv, choosing not to respond to Mark's remarks.

"So… about that grocery shopping…" Mark trailed again when he heard nothing from Hyuck. "Baliw, I'll go to the grocery nalang when I have time." Hyuck said as he squirms on top of Mark, finding his comfortable spot. "Besides, gusto mo bang dagsain tayo ng paparazzis sa grocery?" Hyuck spat.

“I’ll wear a disguise naman. We will not be seen,” Mark pushed.

Napabangon naman kaunti si Hyuck, tinukod niya ang kaniyang siko sa dibdib ni Mark at tyaka pinanlisikan ito ng mata. “Kahit suotin mo pa yung cap at sunglasses mo, ‘di mo naman matatago yung ganiyang kapoging mukha. Kaya tigilan mo ‘ko,” Inirapan niya si Mark bago bumalik sa pagkakahiga sa kaniyang dibdib.

He could feel the vibration against his head when Mark chuckled. "Okay, chill, baby. Wala namang nakikipag-away sa'yo. And talaga ba? Pogi ako sabi mo?" He teased kaya naman naramdaman niya ang kurot ni Hyuck sa kaniyang tiyan. 

“Kailan ko ba sinabing pangit ka? Papatulan ba kita kung hindi?” Aniya.

“Sabi ko nga. Pogi ko, ‘di ba?” He continued to tease and proceeded to continue drawing circles on Hyuck's back nang maramdaman niya ang palo nito sa kaniyang tiyan ulit. Natawa siya bago bumalik ulit ang kaniyang atensyon sa palabas na pinapanood nila. "Stay at home tomorrow, then?" He asked. Donghyuck could only nod.

"Stay at home tomorrow."

…

Hyuck woke up earlier than Mark. He tried so hard to minimize his movements so Mark wouldn't wake up beside him, and when he finally succeeded he sighed as he wore his slippers at pumunta ng banyo para maghilamos.

Humarap si Hyuck sa salamin at tinignan ang sarili, probably contemplating about his life choices, yet again, nang makita na naman ang sarili na ini-entertain si Mark Lee, kahit noong nakaraang linggo ay sinabi na niya sa sarili niyang ititigil na niya kung ano man itong set-up na 'to. He even decided to avoid Mark’s calls during the weekdays para lang mag-succeed ang plano niyang pagtigil, pero heto nanaman siya ngayon, nasa bingit nanaman.

No, they don't fuck. 

Well, occasionally, they do. 

But most of the time, they just cuddle, talk, and laugh at each other's jokes— more like enjoying each other's company without the fear of people knowing what happens between the four walls of Hyuck's home. 

What they're not is— they're not lovers. 

They're just… Mark and Hyuck. 

Two people sharing a bed, well, Hyuck's bed, isang araw sa isang linggo.

Hyuck lost count of how long they've had this set up but if he could remember it quite clearly, a year and a half? Just casually crashing at each other's place, mostly Hyuck's, when Mark's on his day-off. Bilib nga si Hyuck because all of those times Mark spends inside his unit, never silang nahuli ng kahit isang paparazzi o never lumabas ito sa publiko. Or maybe Mark’s just so good at hiding things. And so is Hyuck, dahil sobrang galing niyang magtago… ng feelings.

Ang tawag na nga ni Hyuck sa kaniyang unit ay bahay bakasyunan dahil dito pumupunta palagi si Mark when he wants to stay away from the public's eye, and from the spotlight. No one knows this set-up but them, except maybe for Mark's manager, Doyoung, who only knows that Mark's always away when he's on his day-off. 

Nawala sa pag-iisip si Hyuck when Mark entered the bathroom only to fish his spare toothbrush on the sink, putting his other hand on Hyuck's waist to prevent him from falling while reaching for his brush.

Ayan na naman. Yung pagbilis ng tibok ng puso.

Hyuck just stood there, eyeing Mark in the mirror as he put his brush inside his mouth. "What?" Mark gibberishly asked as he started to brush his teeth.

Iling lang ang naisukli ni Hyuck bago lumabas ng banyo at dumiretso sa kusina para magluto ng agahan. Buti nalang at kahit papaano dumaan si Hyuck sa grocery kahapon bago umuwi galing trabaho, he managed to buy eggs and bacon na favorite ni Mark, para may mailuto man lang siya ngayong umaga.

"You smell good," Nagulat siya nang habang nagluluto ay bumaon ang ulo ni Mark sa kanyang leeg. Muntik pa siyang matalsikan ng mantika nang pabagsak niyang nailagay ang porkchop sa pan.

"Bakit ka nanggugulat?" Hyuck protested as he faced Mark's laughing face. He let out curses as Mark only laughed at how adorable Hyuck is when he's slightly mad.

"Maghanda ka nalang kaya ng plato doon so we could eat breakfast na." Utos ni Hyuck na agad namang sinunod ni Mark. He looked at the clock na nasa kitchen wall at nakitang alas dose na at malamang sa malamang ang breakfast na ito ay magiging brunch nalang. So much for being productive.

"How's work?" Mark asked while chewing his pork. Napaangat naman ng tingin si Hyuck tyaka nagsalita, "It's fine, nothing out of the ordinary naman, except for the fact that I aced my presentation nung Wednesday." Hyuck proudly said as a smile crept on Mark's face.

"See? You were so scared pa nung Sunday but you'll ace it naman pala. You just don't believe in me, and yourself." Mark commented as he ate another spoonful of his food.

"I know. Ikaw? Kamusta taping?" Ang dami nanamang dating article na lumalabas about you, ah? Hyuck wanted to add but he decided to just close his lips. Their set-up is complicated enough, ayaw na niya itong pakomplikahin pa by adding a few questions na hindi niya alam if he really wanted an answer to or not.

Nagkibit-balikat nalang si Mark at tumuloy sa pagkain. "Nice, so far. We're almost done with filming so my schedule won't be that tight anymore." Tumango-tango naman si Hyuck sa narinig, feeling a little giddy when he heard about Mark's not-so-tight schedule.

"That's good, pwede ka mag-rest na. Almost three months na rin kayong nagt-taping, kawawa ka na." Hyuck said as he chuckled lightly.

"Yeah, buti na lang nandyan ka." Halos masamid si Hyuck sa kinakain dahil sa huling sinabi ni Mark, but instead, he drinks his water.

Ayan na naman siya , Hyuck would say every time he hears Mark saying things he doesn't really mean. Hyuck would brush it off and think of it as Mark saying thanks for all the things Hyuck has done for him, as a friend… Pero counted ba ang friends na nagf-fuck? Hindi rin niya alam.

Naghuhugas si Hyuck ng pinggan na pinagkainan nila habang si Mark ay nakaupo na sa sofa, browsing through Hyuck's netflix account, finding something to watch with the younger.

"Baby, someone's calling you." Hyuck heard Mark shouting from the living room as he heard his ringtone. Agad na pinunasan ni Hyuck ang kaniyang kamay at dumiretso sa sala para kuhanin ang cellphone. Hindi niya inaasahang hawak na ito ni Mark, the sound coming from the cellphone stopped. "Oh, bat namatay?" Hyuck asked.

"Dunno, the caller dropped." Maikling sagot ni Mark.

"Sino daw?"

"Jeno? Jeno Lee." Tumango-tango lang si Donghyuck nang marinig ang pangalan ng katrabaho at nakiupo nalang sa tabi ni Mark tyaka kinuha ang cellphone mula sa hawak nito.

He opened his phone as he typed a text for Jeno. Hindi namamalayan na nakikisilip na si Mark sa kung anong sasabihin niya.

"Who's that? Co-worker?" Mark asked.

"Chismoso." Hyuck commented habang nilalayo ang cellphone para hindi makita ni Mark kung ano ang sasabihin niya kay Jeno.

"Just wanna know, y'know." Nagkibit siya ng balikat at bumalik na lang sa paglipat ng movies sa tv, still finding what's nice to watch with Hyuck.

Nang ibinaba na ni Hyuck ang cellphone ay sinandal niya sa balikat ni Mark ang ulo niya, tyaka naman ipinatong ni Mark ang kaniyang braso sa balikat ni Hyuck. Now they're in a comfortable position. "Let's watch Ocean's 8 nalang!" Hyuck enthusiastically suggested while a big grin is plastered on his face.

"We've watched that for like a hundred times already." Mark said as he knew it was Hyuck's favorite movie. Hyuck pouted at wala nang nagawa si Mark kung hindi ang pindutin ang Ocean's 8 sa tv at sumandal sa sofa para panoorin 'yon.

This is their lazy day kaya wala silang ginawa buong araw kung hindi ang manood ng mga movies sa tv ni Hyuck. Minsan nago-open ng topic si Mark at mauuwi sila sa usapan pero babalik din ang mga mata sa pinapanood na movie.

"Ang tagal na kitang kilala pero hanggang ngayon wala pa rin akong autograph ni Jaehyun." Hyuck said pertaining to another actor from Mark's agency na sikat rin.

"Autograph ko na lang kaya, baby?" Asar ni Mark kaya naman napalo nanaman siya sa braso ni Hyuck. "Aray!" He laughed as he shielded his other arm from Hyuck's punches.

"Sige, para mabenta ko at magka-pera naman ako." Hyuck commented kaya naman paloko siyang tinignan ng masama ni Mark Lee.

"What?" He spat as he raised his eyebrow at him. "Si Jaehyun naman idol ko, hindi ikaw. Aanhin ko autograph mo?" He teased.

"Ah ganon?" Mark asked as he buried his hands on Hyuck's waist, dahilan kung bakit napalakas ang tawa ni Hyuck dahil sa kiliting dulot ng mga daliri ni Mark sa tagiliran niya.

"Tama na, please!" He begged while laughing dahil naiiyak na siya at hindi pa rin siya tinitigilan ni Mark. "Mark!" He whined when Mark still won't stop. Nang tumigil ay huminga ng malalim si Hyuck, Mark's hand stayed on his waist. Nagulat na lamang ito nang buhatin siya ni Mark at pakandungin siya sa mga hita nito. Napakapit naman si Hyuck sa mga balikat ni Mark for support. "What?" Hyuck spat again when Mark didn't say anything and just stared at him for seconds.

"Ganda mo." 

A beat. 

"Sobra." 

Hyuck felt his heartbeat flatline. Hindi niya alam kung bakit feeling niya ay namatay siya sa sinabi ni Mark kahit damang-dama niya na sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso niya, alive na alive para kay Mark.

He awkwardly laughed as he threw another soft punch on Mark's chest, "Gago, anong sinasabi m—" Hyuck was cut off when Mark brushed his lips against Hyuck's. Wala itong nagawa kung hindi ang mahigpit na kumapit sa t-shirt sleeve ni Mark, like he was holding on for his little amount of sanity before it quickly vanish into thin air.

At nang mawala na nga ito ay wala na ding nagawa si Donghyuck kung hindi suklian ang halik na iginawad ni Mark sa kanya. Tongue to tongue, teeth to teeth, lips to lips.

It was messy, but it's good. 

And for Hyuck, it was enough.

Mark's palm is on Hyuck's back as he pushed Hyuck closer to him, para bang mas may ilalapit pa ang mga katawan nila sa isa't-isa, never going to be satisfied with how close they are to each other.

"Mmm… Mark." Hyuck breathed as he tried to call for Mark's attention but the boy was busy leaving kiss marks on his neck. "Mark…" He trailed as he pushed him back onto the sofa. "I'll just take this call muna, I think it's urgent." He said as he picked up his phone.

Umalis si Hyuck sa pagkakakandong kay Mark at agad na sinagot ang tawag. "Hello, Jeno?" was the last thing he heard from Hyuck before he went to the balcony to continue the call.

…

Napahilamos si Hyuck sa kanyang mukha paglabas niya papunta sa veranda at pagkasagot niya sa tawag ni Jeno. "Hey, is this a bad time? I can call later," Ani Jeno, sounding so worried dahil sa kung gaano kalalim ang buntong hininga ni Hyuck sa kabilang linya. "Hindi, Jeno. What is it?" Hyuck asked. "Yeah… Yung papers na pinapa-revise for tomorrow's meeting, I need it asap. You can email it nalang mamayang gabi or when you have time." Ani Jeno. 

"Ah…" Hyuck bit his lips. 

Mamaya ka na umiyak, God, Hyuck, your voice is already shaking. Paalala niya sa sarili at lumunok para mawala ang panginginig ng kanyang boses.

"Hmm, sige, Jen. Wait for my email nalang, salamat." Ani Hyuck tyaka mabilis na binaba ang tawag. Kasabay ng pagbaba niya nito ay ang pagtulo ng mga luha niya.

He tried so hard to cover his mouth for his sobs to be muffled. Takot siyang marinig ito ni Mark mula sa sala kaya ingat na ingat siyang takpan ang bibig.

"My God…" He silently uttered as he fanned himself, finally calming down after a minor mental breakdown sa veranda. "God, Hyuck, ang tanga tanga mo!" He spoke to himself as he punched his chest, acting as if it would help his heart to wake up from this fantasy he created in his head. As if it would stop his heart from aching every time he thinks about Mark, everytime he thinks about his feelings for Mark.

Hindi niya alam when or how did he even fall for this guy because as far as he's concerned, they're just… here. Sa apat na sulok ng kwarto ni Hyuck lang sila laging nagsasama kaya hindi alam ni Hyuck if it's really possible to harbor feelings for a man that you only meet one day a week for a whole year, with casual weekday meetings on the side.

Hyuck sighed because he felt like Mark was like a star in the sky. He only comes during the night and goes when the sun's already up. And Hyuck could feel like he's really really near, but yet so far. Dati lang ay kuntento na siya sa fact na nakakasama niya si Mark, nakakausap, without the fear of someone finding out that Hyuck exist in Mark's secret world. Sapat na sa kanyang nandyan siya palagi para kay Mark kapag masyadong nakakapagod ang schedule nito at kailangan niyang magpahinga ng isang araw na walang kahit anong iniisip kung hindi ano ang kakainin nila sa araw na 'yon. 

"Hey, anong gusto mong dinner today?" Mark asked when Hyuck's back inside, already composed at akala mo'y hindi umiyak sa labas kanina.

"Huh? Aren't you going home na mamaya? Dito ka magd-dinner?" Hyuck asked, naguguluhan dahil usually umaalis na si Mark ng hapon dahil sa gabi nagdadagsaan ang paparazzis sa labas ng condo niya.

"Nah, I think I'll stay here hanggang tomorrow and then pasundo nalang ako kay Kuya Doy." Relax na tugon ni Mark habang nags-scan ng mga gamit sa kitchen.

"Mark," Hyuck sighed. Don't make this harder than it already is. He wants to say, but doesn't have the guts to. "I know, Hyuckie… Please? Pagod lang din akong mag-byahe kaya I want to stay here nalang." Aniya, at ano pa nga bang magagawa ni Hyuck? Wala. It's Mark, palagi naman walang choice si Hyuck kung hindi ang um-oo.

“Okay. But siguraduhin mo lang walang paparazzi na nakaabang sa’kin pag papasok na ‘ko bukas.” Hyuck warned as he went to the kitchen isle to fetch some bread para i-toast. Sumilay naman ang ngiti ni Mark sakaniya, finally winning against Hyuck. “Aye aye, boss.” He said as he saluted kaya natawa nalang sakaniya si Hyuck. 

They ended up cuddling until dawn when Hyuck felt his eyes close. He’s cuddled up with Mark on his bed at tahimik na nanonood ng movie na si Mark naman ang pumili ngayon.

“What’s you sched tomorrow?” Hyuck can’t help but ask. “Taping. Lots and lots of it.” Tumawa si Mark kaya naman nayugyog din ang ulo ni Hyuck na nakahiga sa kaniyang dibdib. “Yeah… And when’s your next day-off?” Hyuck thinks he’s being too clingy to even ask. Wala naman siyang karapatan pero pakiramdam niya ay mayroon siyang nagu-umapaw na tapang ngayong araw.

“Miss mo na ‘ko agad?” Mark teased as he yelped when Hyuck pinched a skin on his chest.

“Asa ka. Kahit ‘di ka na bumalik kasi lagi mong inuubos stock ng pagkain ko.” Irap ni Hyuck and Mark mouthed a fake ouch habang hinahawakan ang kaniyang dibdib, acting really hurt by what Hyuck said.

…

Hyuck ended up sleeping early and waking up next to Mark's sleeping state. He sighed as he silently moved away from the bed. Mark's still cuddling him when he carefully tries to remove his arms that's holding Hyuck's waist. Mark groaned as he stirred on the bed, facing Hyuck.

Napatahimik ito at nagpasya na titigan na lang si Mark habang natutulog. 5 minutes lang, let me just savor this face kasi matagal ko na naman siyang hindi makikita. Ani Hyuck tyaka lumuhod sa harap ng kama at tinukod ang baba sa cushion ng bed, pinapanood kung gaano kaluwag ang paghinga ni Mark.

"Ang pogi mo… How come you're sleeping soundly on my bed? Niligtas ko ba ang mundo nung past life ko?" Natawa siya sa sinasabi habang kinakausap si Mark at pilit na inaayos ang kaniyang buhok na natatakpan ang mata niya. As if Mark would answer naman.

"Sana wag ka na mawala." He whispered to himself a little too loud that it came out of his mouth without thinking. Nagulat si Hyuck sa sinabi at napagpasyahan na gumising na sa katotohanan at maligo na para makapasok na siya sa trabaho. Tama, kailangan na niyang magising.

Dahil being with Mark for a day is like falling into a deep slumber and looking away from the real world only for your illusions to be shattered because the next day, you have to face reality again. 

Hyuck sighed one more time as he saw Mark stir on the bed for the nth time today. Inayos niya ang kaniyang suot na suit tiyaka kinuha ang bag at umalis sa unit para pumasok.

"Kamusta naman ang day-off mo?" Renjun teased habang tinataasan ng kilay si Hyuck. 

As he said, wala namang kahit sino ang nakakaalam ng tungkol sa kanila ni Mark. Kasama na doon si Renjun, dahil ang tanging alam lamang niya ay day-off ni Hyuck tuwing linggo dahil ito lang ang araw na pwede silang magkita ng secret boyfriend niya na kahit sino sa opisina ay nahihirapang hulaan kung sino. Kahit sino naman siguro ay mahihirapan talaga kung si Mark ang tamang sagot sa secret (pero hindi niya boyfriend) guy na kasama niya tuwing day-off, dahil sino nga bang makakahula na si Mark 'yon? Wala. Because they all know Mark's way too out of Hyuck's league.

"Ayos lang." Nagkibit balikat si Hyuck at patuloy ang pagt-type sa kaniyang desktop. "Sus, pa-showbizz! Pakilala mo na sa'min 'yan. Magdadalawang taon na kayo pero 'di ko man lang siya nakitang sunduin ka dito?" Renjun said as he slapped Hyuck with a folder, jokingly.

"Gago, mahiyain kasi 'yon." Palusot na lang ni Hyuck para tigilan na siya ni Renjun.

"Birthday mo bukas, ah? Magd-date ba kayo?" He asked and poked Hyuck's side to tickle him. He let out a quiet ayiee bago tusukin ulit ang tagiliran ni Hyuck.

"Busy siya. Kain na lang tayo sa labas bukas." Aniya at tyaka naman sumilay ang simangot sa mukha ni Renjun. "Ay, ano ba 'yan? Hindi mo kasama boyfriend mo mag-celebrate ng birthday?" He protested.

First of all, hindi ko naman kasi boyfriend. Hyuck wants to spit but he doesn't want anyone to know that. Sa chismis na nga lang niya magiging boyfriend si Mark, bakit pa niya sisirain yon?

"Busy nga kasi." He just said kaya naman iniwan na siya ni Renjun sa kaniyang cubicle. Napansin yata na wala naman siyang makukuha kay Hyuck kaya lumipat na lang sa iba para maghanap ng chismis.

Mark: you busy tonight? Kakatapos lang ng taping namin :(

Hyuck sighed when he saw Mark's message on his lockscreen. He always ignored it, lalo na dahil weekdays naman at hindi nila day-off pareho. Hyuck wanted to try and set off some boundaries between them ngunit ano bang silbi ng boundaries kung siya lang din naman ang susuway dito?

Hyuck: pahinga ka na, im omw home.

Hyuck threw his phone on the passenger's seat habang inaayos ang seatbelt niya. Pauwi na siya ngayon at hindi niya alam kung bakit ba nag-reply pa siya kay Mark kung ang rule no. one niya ay dapat hindi makikipag-interact kay Mark tuwing hindi nila lazy day.

"Fuck. Tanga mo talaga." He said, at gustong-gusto na talaga ni Hyuck na iumpog ang sarili sa manibela ngunit pinigilan niya ito.

Instead, he drove home and crawled in the comfort of his cold, empty bed.

…

Hyuck tried to concentrate on his work this morning, given that his birthday’s literally today. Kanina pa nga siya kinukulit ni Renjun na mag-celebrate sila at uminom mamaya since hindi naman maaga ang pasok nila sa Wednesday. Jeno tried to ask him, too, pero hindi niya alam ang isasagot.

“Dali, kahit libre na namin ni Jen kasi birthday mo naman!” Renjun tried to persuade him while they’re having their lunch break. Napasinghap nalang si Hyuck at tumango, parang napipilitan. “O sige sige,” Aniya at agad na napapalakpak si Renjun at sumilay naman ang ngiti sa labi ni Jeno. “Basta maaga ako uuwi, ah.” Aniya.

“Birthday na birthday mo parang ang lungkot mo pa!” Biro ni Renjun sakaniya.

“Sino bang matutuwa na tumatanda ka na?” Hyuck spat as he continued eating his meal. Natawa nalang ang kaniyang mga ka-trabaho sabay balik din sa pagkain upang makabalik na din sila sa trabaho.

Mark: Hey :)

Napabalikwas naman si Hyuck sa kaniyang swivel chair dahil sa nakita. Putangina naman, happy birthday talaga, Hyuck. Aniya sa sarili bago pumikit at nagtipa ng reply para kay Mark.

Hyuck: Hey :) Di ka busy? 

Hyuck bit his lip as he waited for Mark’s reply.

Mark: Nah… We finished filming for today kasi may lakad si Direk. Free time ko, is your condo free din? Hahahaha

Hindi alam ni Hyuck kung bakit parang tanga siyang nakangiti ngayon dahil sa reply ni Mark sakaniya. 

Hyuck: Yeah… You have a spare key diba? Wait for me nalang, maaga din ako uuwi.

A smile slowly crept his lips as he read Mark’s last message.

Mark: Okay, baby. Happy birthday :)

He smiled. 

Abot tenga. 

Abot mata.

Yeah, Hyuck. Happy birthday.

…

Hyuck sighed as he tiredly hit the buzzer sa gilid ng kaniyang pintuan. Hawak-hawak niyang ang lukot niyang coat tyaka marahas na sinandal ang likod sa pader para i-kondisyon ang sarili. Sana hindi pa tulog si Mark. He wished dahil hindi niya na kaya pang kunin ang susi niya sa bag dahil wasak na wasak na siya at pakiramdam niya’y masusuka na siya pag gumalaw pa siya.

Nagpupumilit pa kasi si Renjun kanina sa iilang mga rounds ng drinks kaya hindi nakatanggi si Hyuck. Giniguilty pa kasi siya nitong birthday naman niya at kailangan niyang mag-enjoy. Kaya eto siya ngayon at parang masusuka na lahat ng kinain niya magmula nung nakaraang linggo.

“Baby?” Mark called ngunit agad nang pumasok si Hyuck sa unit nito, shoving Mark away as he reached for the bathroom’s sink to puke.

“Hyuck?” Tawag muli ni Mark habang sinusuka lahat ni Hyuck ang ininom niya kanina. “Jesus, you reek of alcohol. Uminom kayo?” Mark reacted as he entered the bathroom to assist Hyuck on his puking journey. Tumango lang si Hyuck habang ang ulo’y halos ibaon na sa lababo. 

“Sinong naghatid sa’yo?” Mark asked.

“Jeno…” Halos isuksok na ni Hyuck ang ulo niya sa lababo sa kung gaano karami ang sinusuka niya ngayon. Natahimik naman si Mark pagkarinig niya ng pangalan ng katrabaho ni Hyuck at hinagod nalang ang likod nito.

When Hyuck finished puking his guts out, agad na siyang naligo at dumiretso sa kama kung saan nakahiga si Mark at nagc-cellphone. 

Ah… Finally, he thought to himself as he saw Mark’s figure on the bed. Pakiramdam niya’y kumpleto lang ang kama niya kapag nandoon si Mark, nakahiga, at naghihintay sakanya.

“You okay now?” Ani Mark. Napatango lang si Hyuck habang pinupunasan ang buhok. Agad namang binaba ni Mark ang cellphone at umupo sa higaan, tinapik niya ang harap nito, motioning Hyuck to go there. Agad naman niya itong sinunod at tyaka kinuha ni Mark galing sa kaniyang kamay ang towel na pinapamunas niya sa buhok niya kanina.

Mark started to dry his hair with a towel. Napapikit nalang si Hyuck at dinama ang malambot na kamay ni Mark. “You enjoyed today?” Mark asked. Tanging tango lang ang nagawa ni Hyuck habang nakapikit pa rin. 

“Hmm… What do you want for your birthday?”

Ikaw. He wanted to answer, pero alam naman nating lahat na duwag siya, kaya hindi niya talaga sasabihin.

“Kahit ano.” He answered instead, finally turning around to face Mark. Natigil ang pagpunas ni Mark sa kaniyang kulay lilang buhok at napatingin sakaniya. “Bakit ka pala nandito? It’s a Tuesday, ‘di mo pa day-off. And this is against the weekends-only rule!” Ani Hyuck tyaka nagkunot ng noo.

“Di mo ba ‘ko miss?” Mark joked and he earned a punch on the chest from Hyuck. Natawa lang ito at umiling. 

Nang humupa na ang sakitan at asaran, itinabi ni Mark ang towel tyaka sinubukan masahehin ang balikat ni Hyuck, he had this habit ever since dahil palaging nagrereklamo si Hyuck tungkol sa kung gaano kasakit ang kaniyang likod dahil sa kakaupo magdamag. 

“It’s your birthday, baby.” Aniya and Hyuck swore to God his stomach turned upside down.

Parang may kung anong kumiliti sa tiyan niya at hindi matigil. 

Butterflies ba? Hindi niya rin alam. 

Baka. 

Siguro.

“Ano naman?” Napaatras si Mark sa tanong ni Hyuck, parang hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ng nakababata.

“What do you mean?”

“Ano naman if birthday ko?” Hyuck asked, wishing Mark would say something he wanted to hear… Pero ano nga ba ang gusto niyang marinig? Hindi rin niya alam, and he also wished Mark has the answer he needed.

“You gave me a gift on my birthday last year, di ba? That’s so weird if I won’t give you any.” Mark laughed. Pinilit ni Hyuck na itago ang pagkadismaya. That's not the answer he wanted to hear.

“Is there anything you want? Anything specific?” 

Ikaw nga, kulit naman . Naiirita na si Hyuck sa mga boses na bumubulong sa utak niya but he can’t seem to know how to stop them from talking. 

“Wala.” Aniya at niyakap si Mark, snaking his hands on Mark’s waist kaya napahiga sila sa kama ni Hyuck. Hyuck’s on top of him as he rest his head on Mark’s chest, rinig na rinig kung paano kumalabog ang puso ni Mark. Bakit nga ba ang lakas ng kabog ng puso nito? Isinawalang bahala nalang ito ni Hyuck at tumingin kay Mark. “Dito ka nalang for a day, tapos inom tayo wine.” Ani Hyuck, makulit ang tono.

Natawa nalang si Mark habang pababa ang kaniyang kamay sa bewang ni Hyuck, finally resting there. “Sige, baby. If that’s what you want.” 

“Ay teka.” Natigil si Hyuck nang matauhan. “Wala ka ba taping bukas? Hala, nakalimutan ko baka busy ka.”

“Nope. I told you may lakad nga si direk. Taping’s postponed until further notice.” Ani Mark at proud pa na ngumisi. Napanatag naman si Hyuck sa sagot nito kaya binalik niya ang ulo sa pagkakahiga sa dibdib ni Mark. When he felt that Hyuck’s not talking, si Mark na ulit ang nagsalita.

“Pagod ka?” He asked while rubbing circles on Hyuck’s back. He really loves to do that, pansin ni Hyuck. Tumango lang ito at mas lalong humigpit ang yakap kay Mark. “Rest ka na.” Malambing ang tono nito.

“Di ka ba mangangawit?” Hyuck asked. “Nope. Rest ka na, baby.” Aniya at hinalikan ang noo ni Hyuck.

Ngayon, sigurado na siya. 

Mga paro-paro nga ang kumikiliti sa tiyan niya.

Pero gusto niyang magmura kasi alam niya sa sarili niya, he can’t feel these butterflies. 

Hindi dapat. 

Hindi pwede. 

He could just sigh as he close his eyes, dinadama na lang ang ngayo’y malumanay nang pagtibok ng puso ni Mark. 

It’s his birthday. Baka pwede naman muna siyang mag-time first sa mga boundaries at kung ano mang rules ang ginawa niya para ingatan ang puso niya. Tapos bukas, hindi na ulit pwede. 

Kahit ngayon lang… Susulitin niya na.

…

True to his words, Mark prepared a dinner for them the next day. Nagulat na lang si Hyuck dahil pagkagaling niya ng opisina ay may nakahanda ng candlelight and dinner for two sa kaniyang kusina. Natawa pa si Hyuck dahil sa mahinang music ‘pandagdag ng romantic effect’ sabi ni Mark habang kinukuha ang kamay niya para isayaw.

“Happy birthday, baby.” Aniya, his hands rested on Hyuck’s waist as he tried to sway him kasabay ng music.

“Thankyou. Napaka-romantic naman nito?” Hyuck laughed as he scanned the place. May pa-rosas effect pa ang floor. “Minsan ka lang mag-birthday, dapat special diba?” 

Hyuck can only hum as he hugged Mark, trying to suppress his tears. Gusto niyang maiyak dahil hindi niya na alam kung saan tutungo ang puso niya. He’s too scared to ask at lalo na kapag nakikita niya na si Mark, mas lalo siyang pinanghihinaan ng loob na magtanong.

Ano ba tayo?

Ano ba tong ginagawa natin?

Hyuck wanted to say all of those but he doesn’t know where to find the courage to do so. 

“Thank you, Mark…” He uttered as he tried to bury his head on Mark’s neck.

“Welcome, baby. Kain na tayo?” Mark asked and pulled him to the table.

Hours later, they were laughing about Hyuck’s stories from his office. Natawa si Mark nang muntik ng mahulog si Hyuck sa sofa habang tumatawa ito, holding his wine, halatang lasing na. 

“Baby, mahulog ka.” Mark tried to warn him pero parang wala nang naririnig si Hyuck.

“E ‘di saluhin mo.” Hyuck blurted out.

“Malamang sasaluhin kita, baka mabagok ulo mo.” Mark, the ever so naive boy that he is, replied. Natawa nalang ulit si Hyuck dahil sa pagkamanhid ng binata. 

“Yeah, right…” He muttered as he sipped on his wine.

…

Months later, Mark got busy with his tapings. With all of the press conference and interviews regarding his next project, wala na siyang time upang mag-day-off. The dating rumors and scandals piled up that he wasn't even allowed to leave his condo not until it's a very very important matter.

That leaves Hyuck… alone. Again.

Linggo ngayon at sana ay kasama niya si Mark, nanonood ng kung ano mang bagong palabas sa Netflix habang magkayakap sila sa sofa. But instead, he's curled up on his bed, alone and looking so miserable because he hasn't seen Mark for weeks.

Tunog ng cellphone ang nagpagising kay Hyuck mula sa malalim na pag-iisip. Once he saw Mark's name pop-up on his screen, agad niya itong pinatay at binaliktad ang cellphone para hindi na muling makita ito. Sa ilang linggo nilang hindi nagkita ay hindi na rin sinasagot ni Hyuck ang texts at tawag ni Mark.

Ganito na ang gawain ni Hyuck magmula pa noon.

It’s like Mark’s used to it by now dahil tinatadtad lang siya nito ng mga messages at tawag kahit alam niyang hindi sasagot ang binata. Just to check up on him, dahil alam niya ding walang ibang nag-aalaga kay Hyuck at nagbabantay dito. 

Hyuck’s been playing this game of push and pull with Mark for almost a year and a half now, that’s why ge got so used to it. Sa tuwing nagiging busy na si Mark at hindi nakakadalaw sa kaniya’y hindi na niya ito pinapansin. Hindi naman ‘to part ng day-off agreement namin, Hyuck would often say para pagaanin ang loob niya. Pero alam naman niya sa loob niyang ginagawa niya lang ito dahil ayaw niyang tuluyang mahulog pa kay Mark.

Kahit ang totoo, hulog na hulog na siya.

It’s like trying to delay time and gravity to not fall deeper into the cliff while you’re already falling.

Hindi maatim ni Hyuck na mahulog kay Mark na nasa ganito silang set-up. Paulit-ulit na nagre-replay sa kaniyang utak na hindi pwede, hindi pwede hindi pwede, hanggang sa magising na siya sa katotohanan at matanggap na niya sa sarili niyang hindi nga talaga pwede.

Ayaw niyang umasa.

He doesn't want to keep his hopes up dahil alam niyang umpisa pa lang ay hindi naman na talaga dapat pinapataas pa ang kung ano mang pag-asa meron siya. Si Mark Lee ay alam niyang hinding-hindi niya maaabot. Nalilito lang talaga siya kung ganun lang ba talaga si Mark Lee bilang tao o sadyang may tinatago din siyang feelings para kay Hyuck.  

Si Mark Lee pa ba? Eh, parang perfect na 'yon eh. Walang flaw. Walang mapipintas sa kanya. Baka mabait lang talaga. Hyuck tried to coo himself as he reminded na bawal mag-assume at umasa. Lalo na kapag 'di galing mismo kay Mark Lee.

Napamura siya nang mag-vibrate na naman ang cellphone, hudyat na may tumatawag.

"Fuck it." He cursed as he answered the phone.

"Hey," he muttered as he put his phone to his ear.

"Hey…" Mark's voice was tired, almost as if he's going to faint any second. Napapikit si Hyuck nang marinig ang boses ni Mark.

Wala na. Talo na naman ako.

He thought to himself as he heard how tired he was. All those months of self-control and ignoring Mark, all of it for him to fail sa isang hey lang galing sa binata.

Ang rupok mo.

He wants to slap himself.

“Can you open the door, baby? I’m so tired,” Mark sighed.

Agad na napabalikwas ng upo si Hyuck sa kaniyang kama at tinignan ang sarili sa salamin na nasa gilid ng kaniyang kwarto. Napamura siya nang makita ang sarili, naka-oversized t-shirt lamang ito habang suot ang maikli niyang boxer shorts. Ang buhok ay gulo gulo pa dahil hindi pa ito naliligo at halata din ang eyebags sa ilalim ng kaniyang mata.

He internally cursed as he ran towards the door, bolting to open it so he could hug Mark as tight as he could.

Tangina, ang rupok mo. Another voice in his head said but he chose to ignore.

“Anong ginagawa mo dito? Di ba bawal kang lumabas?” Ani Hyuck, gulat sa taong nasa harapan ng kaniyang condo unit ngayon.

He’s wearing a black cap over his head at nang makita si Hyuck ay agad na inalis nito ang kaniyang suot na sunglasses. Halata rin ang dark circle sa mata ni Mark. He’s thinner than usual, and his hair’s a mess, Hyuck pointed.

“Is that how you welcome me pagkatapos mo ‘kong ‘di pansinin ng ilang buwan?” Mark chuckled lowly, halata ang disappointment at pagod sa kaniyang tono. Napasinghap na lang si Hyuck at mas lalong linuwangan ang buka ng pinto upang makapasok na si Mark sa loob. Luminga-linga pa siya sa magkabilang dulo ng hallway upang siguraduhin na walang sumunod kay Mark papunta dito.

When he got back from closing the door, Mark was already asleep on the couch. 

Napabuntong hininga na lang ito bago umupo sa ibabang bahagi ng sofa, nakapatong ang kamay sa sofang hinihigaan ni Mark, malapit sa kaniyang ulo. Hyuck stared at his sleeping state, halata kung gaano kapayapa ang paghinga ni Mark.

He likes staring at Mark like this.

Gustong gusto niya sa tuwing tulog si Mark dahil ito lang ang mga panahon na pwede niyang titigan si Mark na hindi nito malalaman ang mga emosyon sa mata niya. 

Wanting.

Yearning.

Longing.

Yan siguro ang mga emosyon na laging nakapaloob sa mga mata ni Hyuck sa tuwing tinititigan niya si Mark. 

Wanting for his love,

Yearning for his warmth,

And longing for his touch. 

Napabuntong-hininga si Hyuck habang hinahawi ang mga takas na buhok na nasa mata ni Mark. Inilagay niya ito sa likod ng tenga ni Mark at tumitig muli sa kaniya. Para bang bumalik ulit siya sa umpisa at pakiramdam niya’y hindi na talaga siya makakabangon pang muli kay Mark.

It was like everytime he picked himself up from tripping, he started to trip again and hurt himself in the process. Parang naging cycle na lang ni Hyuck ito sa isa’t kalahating taon na kasama niya si Mark. 

And he’s getting really really tired of it.

Nagsisimula na rin siya kuwestyunin kung ano nga ba talaga ang patutunguhan nito.

Takot siya.

Takot siya na baka kapag umayaw at kumalas na si Mark mula sa kung ano mang relasyon na ito ay siya lang din ang mahihirapan. This time, kung madadapa man siya, alam niyang sa tuwing babangon siya’y wala ng Mark na ngingiti sakanya at mag-aabot ng kamay para tulungan siyang tumayo.

“Mmm,” Mark groaned as he felt Hyuck’s hand on his face. He tried to hug Hyuck pero nabigo siya nang maipatong lamang niya ang kamay sa balikat ni Hyuck. “I missed you,” He uttered, tiredly, his voice hoarse.

Hyuck just chuckled as he continued to caress Mark’s hair.

…

Hyuck found himself tangled in bedsheets beside Mark.

Agad itong bumangon at tyaka lamang napansin ang mabigat na braso ni Mark na nakapatong sa kaniyang tiyan. “When did I…” He croaked, questioning why he suddenly woke up on the bed, remembering that he fell asleep sitting beside the couch.

“Good evening,” Mark uttered, voice a bit raspy.

Hyuck hummed as he felt Mark’s hand pass by his shoulders. “Good evening… Hindi ka pa ba uuwi?” 

Agad natawa si Mark sa tanong ng binata. “I just got here, baby. Bakit pinapauwi mo na ‘ko agad?” He smiled as he sat down on the bed, too. 

Hindi natawa si Hyuck

Instead, he looked down. Questioning his life choices again. 

Ganito naman siya palagi kay Mark.

Basta pagdating kay Mark lagi siyang nag-aalinlangan.

Napansin yata ni Mark ang biglaang pagtahimik nito kaya naman hinuli niya ang tingin ni Hyuck. He tried to hold Hyuck’s chin so he could level their gazes but Hyuck avoided it. Sadyang nabahala si Mark kaya napabalikwas siya sa kaniyang kinauupuan. He held Hyuck by the shoulders and tried to get his attention once again.

“Baby?” He called. Napapikit si Hyuck. That fucking endearment again. “I’m sorry, may nagawa ba ‘ko?” Silence. “May lakad ka ba dapat ngayong araw? Shit, sorry.” Mark cursed. “I shouldn’t have come, right? Hyuck?” Tawag muli ni Mark sakaniya bago nagtama ang tingin nila. 

Hyuck’s eyes were shimmering against the dim light of their room. It was dark, but Mark clearly saw tears on Hyuck’s eyes. He didn’t know what to do, what to say. Ang tanging ginawa niya lang ay tumitig.

This is the first time Hyuck’s cried in front of him kaya nagulat siya.

“Mark, tapusin na natin.” 

…

“Cut!” Galit na sigaw ng direktor habang kaunti na lang ay bibigay na si Mark sa mga pinapagawa ngayon sa taping. Doyoung worriedly approached Mark kahit halata na ang galit sa mga mata nito.

“Direk, break muna.” Doyoung asked as he tried to wipe Mark’s sweat.

“Mark?” Doyoung called. Halatang wala sa sarili niya ngayon si Mark kaya masyadong maingat si Doyoung sa mga ginagawa. Mark’s head rose, namumula ang mata. “Ayos ka lang ba ngayong araw? Ilang buwan ka nang ganito.” Ani Doyoung, sounding all concerned.

“What?” Mark said in disbelief. 

Ang random?

Narinig niyang suminghot si Hyuck bago muling tumingin sakaniya. “Tigil na natin, Mark.” 

Halos mapasabunot si Mark sa narinig. Kagagaling niya lang sa taping that day at sobrang bagsak ng katawan niya na ang tanging nasa isip lang niya nung pauwi na siya ay dumiretso sa bahay ni Donghyuck para doon magpahinga.

Because that’s what Hyuck is for him. 

Pahinga.

Hyuck’s like Mark’s tranquil.

He was his escape whenever things were rough on the outside world. 

Sa tuwing nahihirapan na siya, Hyuck stood as his breather. 

Kaya hindi niya alam kung bakit parang tunog pagod na ang nagsisilbi niyang pahinga sa araw-araw.

“Hyuck, I don’t understand…” He tried to hold Hyuck but the younger one avoided his touch. Para bang napapaso ito kapag didikit ang balat ni Mark sakaniya.

“Mark, three words lang ‘yun. Naintindihan mo naman, ayaw mo lang tanggapin.” Hyuck said, still avoiding his gaze. Halata ang mga luhang tumutulo sa pisngi nito.

“Mark?” Nawala sa pag-iisip si Mark when he heard Doyoung’s voice. “Mark, take na daw ulit.” He said as he tried to comfort Mark by squeezing his shoulders. Agad na tumayo si Mark at bumalik sa kaniyang pwesto kanina.

He closed his eyes as he tried to breathe steadily. Finocus ang sarili sa kung anong nangyayari ngayon at hindi sa isang bagay na tapos na at nangyari na. 

But all he could see was Hyuck’s face.

The tears. The sad eyes. All of it. 

“Cut! Mark, ano ba?!” The director yelled loudly, the whole set was scared. 

He spaced out.

Again.

“Pack up na nga tayo, putangina!” The director shouted, rage was evident in his voice. “Doyoung, let me know nalang kung nasa kondisyon na yang alaga mong mag-taping, nakakastress!” Doyoung bowed as the man stormed out of the set.

Agad binalikan ni Doyoung si Mark na naiwan sa kaniyang pwesto, parang na-estatwa at wala nang pakealam sa kaniyang paligid. Doy tried to hold both of his cheeks only to see him shedding tears. “Huy? Mark, what’s wrong?” Doyoung asked as he tried to get Mark’s attention.

“I fucked up real bad, kuya…” He cried as he reached for Doyoung's shoulders to hug him.

Walang nagawa si Doy kung hindi ang ibalik ang yakap na iginawad ni Mark sa kanya. Wala ng tao sa set at tanging sila nalang ang natira doon. Nakakunot ang noo ni Doy habang niyayakap ang binata, knowing all too well what caused Mark to self-destruct like this. 

…

Hyuck didn't know why he fought the urge to turn off his television when he saw another Mark Lee interview on his local news channel.

"So, kamusta naman ang lovelife mo?" The host asked as Mark beamed a flashing smile. Naghiyawan naman ang madla nang makita ang reaksyon ni Mark kaya pati ang host ay nakisali na rin sa asaran.

"Well… Kaya ko lang naman tinatanong dahil napakarami ang kumakalat ngayon, ano…" The host leaned closer. "Isang tanong, isang sagot, Mark Lee. May nagpapasaya na ba sayo?" The crowd roared as Mark's smile grew wider. 

But Hyuck saw how sad his eyes were.

Ngunit isinawalang bahala niya na lang ito. Baka guni-guni lang.

"Yeah… But I'm still waiting for the right time to come back." The teasing of the crowd followed.

"Ah, so mag-ex kayo?"

"No…" He shook his head. "It's complicated but I just know I lo—"

Hyuck turned off the TV as he threw the remote beside him, not wanting to hear anymore of it.

He sighed as he sat on his couch, dumbfounded.

….

Mark stares into space as he sinks himself in the bathtub.

The agency gave him a one-week break dahil kaunti nalang naman ang mga bagay na gagawin nila to finish his action-drama series. 

Sinimsim ni Mark ang hawak na wine at tyaka hinagod ang tubig na bumabalot sa katawan niya.

Magdadalawang buwan na simula noong tinigil nila ni Hyuck ang kung ano mang namamagitan nila but Hyuck’s last words still lingers in Mark’s mind. 

“Take care, Mark.” 

Was the last thing that escaped Hyuck’s lips before he closed the door on Mark’s face that night.

Until that night, Mark kept questioning what he did wrong. Did he say something wrong? Or did Hyuck just really get tired of the set-up.

Hindi maiwasang hindi isipin ni Mark kung anong nangyari. What went wrong? 

But that’s the thing about illicit affairs. 

It was always bound to end, whether you like it or not.

Mark knew it from the beginning kaya bakit parang gulat na gulat siya when Hyuck decided to end it?

“I’ll end this kapag ayaw ko na, ah?” Hyuck jokingly said as he crawled on the bed, settling inside the warmth of Mark’s arms. Natawa lang si Mark sa kaniya at tyaka mas inusog pa siya papalapit dito, as if hindi pa sila ganoon kalapit sa isa’t isa. 

“Really, baby? Mark Lee na ‘to, tatanggihan mo pa? Blessing na ‘to galing kay Lord, aayawan mo pa?” He joked back and only earned a loud giggle from Hyuck, music to his ears. Napairap lang si Hyuck sakaniya pagkatapos bago siya hampasin ng mahina.

“Feeler.” He said as he inched closer to Mark, closing his eyes to sleep.

Hindi namalayan ni Mark na kanina pa pala siya nakalubog sa tub. He quickly stood up and grabbed his robe to finish his bath.

Agad siyang nagpunas ng kaniyang buhok at naupo sa kama tyaka tumitig muli sa kawalan.

…

On the other side of the city, Hyuck was more miserable than ever.

It’s been almost two months and Mark’s birthday was fast approaching. He couldn’t even believe he’s known the guy for almost two years now at sa dalawang taon na ‘yon ay naging sikreto lang siya sa mata ng publiko. Pero ano nga bang karapatan niyang mag-demand? 

Mark isn’t his to lose, anyway.

Para bang isa siyang libro sa library na pinahiram lang kay Hyuck, pero sa nakatakdang due date ay kailangan na ulit ibalik. 

Because Mark’s never his, he never was. 

Alam na ni Hyuck ‘yon simula palang ng kasunduan nila kaya hindi niya maatim sa sarili niya kung bakit siya nagkakaganito.

You anticipated this, Hyuck. It’s bound to happen sooner or later, anyway. 

He tried to comfort himself as he quietly sipped his wine.

Nagulat ito nang biglang tumunog ang kaniyang buzzer. Agad nitong inayos ang sarili at tinignan ang mukha sa salamin. His eyes are puffy and his nose is red. Sininghot ni Hyuck ang natitirang mga sipon sa kaniyang ilong bago binuksan ang pinto. It must be Jeno dahil pinangako nitong ipapadala niya kay Hyuck ang mga papeles na kailangan nila for tomorrow’s presentation.

“Jen, ang aga mo—” He thought wrong as a pair of lips smashed through his.

It was Mark.

Hyuck didn’t know if the sigh he let out was out of relief that Mark’s finally back in his arms, or it was sadness slowly creeping out of him because he knows he’s really really going to regret this later on. 

Regardless, he held Mark’s nape as he deepened the kiss.

Hell be damned, but he can’t blame himself when he just missed the feeling of Mark’s lips on his as Mark gripped his waist tightly, pushing him against the wall, caging him.

Hindi niya pala kaya.

It took him a lot of courage to break it off and none was left when he realized that that’s not what he really wanted. “Mark,” He gasped as Mark removed his lips from his to get some air. They were both panting as their foreheads met, nose touching. 

It was romantic. 

Butterflies on their stomach and all that shit.

“I…” Mark uttered, still catching his breath. “Love you.” 

“Sorry, it took me long enough to realize.” Mark whispered but it was loud and clear for Donghyuck to hear. 

Ecstatic.

One word to describe what Hyuck is feeling right now.

“What?” Hyuck teased, wanting to hear those words again coming from Mark, a long smile plastered on his face as he breathed.

“I…” Mark uttered, kissing Hyuck’s forehead. “Love…” A kiss on his cheek. “You.” A kiss on his nose.

“Lee Donghyuck.” And a kiss on the lips.

And if it was all a dream, Hyuck wished he wouldn't wake up. 

Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. 

…

It was not a dream.

Hyuck knows it as he could feel how sore his body was the next day.

He woke up on an empty bed while wearing Mark's dress shirt and boxers. He tried to stand up as he looked at the time and realized it's already lunch time.

He could hear the sizzling of the pans inside the kitchen kaya naman nakangiti siyang pumunta doon.

Habang inaayos ang butones ng dress shirt ni Mark ay pumunta siyang kusina. Nang inangat niya ang tingin ay halos mapamura siya sa nakita.

"Ay, putangina!" Mura niya nang makatitigan ang katrabahong si Renjun at Jeno, na mukhang starstruck pa rin sa taong nagluluto sa kusina ni Hyuck.

"What the fuck? A-anong ginagawa niyo dito?!" Hyuck shouted as he looked over at Mark. 

"Baby, I let them in since may kailangan daw silang ipakita sa'yo about sa isang project." Mark explained, like he knows Hyuck is waiting for him to.

"Mark?!" Bulyaw ni Hyuck, hindi makapaniwala sa ginawa ng kanyang nobyo.

"S'okay. Sabi naman nila hindi nila ipagkakalat so we're safe."

Napatingin si Hyuck sa mga kaibigan. "Punyeta ka, kaya pala ayaw mong ipakilala sa'min kasi artista jowa mo. May pasabi-sabi ka pang mahiyain lang siya!" Bulalas ni Renjun habang muntik nang batukan si Hyuck.

Jeno could only laugh when Renjun ranted about Hyuck keeping it a secret to the world. Sumabay ang mga ka-trabaho niya sa kanilang brunch ngunit umalis din agad to give them privacy.

Hyuck's washing the dishes when Mark snaked his hand on his waist. Natawa naman si Hyuck nang ipinatong ni Mark ang kaniyang ulo sa balikat nito.

"Naghuhugas pa 'ko, mamaya mo na 'ko landiin." He uttered.

"Need ba may schedule?" He joked as he lowkey rubbed Hyuck's tummy, making Hyuck feel tingles.

"Landi." He just commented ngunit hinayaan nalang si Mark sa ganoong pwesto.

When he finished, sumandal si Mark sa stool at tinignan lamang si Hyuck na magpunas ng lamesa.

"Baka matunaw ako niyan." He commented again when Mark's gaze stayed at him, never leaving.

"Just scared you'll disappear or something." May bahid ng pagkaseryoso ang tono ni Mark na nagpatigil kay Hyuck sa pagpupunas ng lamesa.

Tinignan niya si Mark at nakita ang lungkot sa mga mata nito.

Ang dalawang buwan na lumipas na hindi sila magkasama ay hindi rin naging biro. It was devastating for the both of them as they both did terrible sa kani-kanilang mga buhay.

Mark wasn't getting any sleep, hence, screwing up all of his tapings. Hyuck wasn't getting any sleep either, so he always ends up fucking up all of his presentations and meetings.

They were both miserable without each other.

And they're just realizing it now.

Siguro nga ay naging eye-opener para sa kanilang dalawa ang dalawang buwan na paghihiwalay nila ng landas.

It became a way for them to finally realize that those years of bonding with each other made them too dependent on one another that they became too blind…

Too blind to realize that they're inlove.

Not just two people fucking each other to let off some steam, or not just two people passing the time by telling stories about their lives every other day, but two people who're in love.

Cheesy as fuck, but it's the truth.

"I'm sorry." Hyuck said as he went closer to Mark, hugging him.

"It's okay. You're with me now." Mark whispered as he buried his head on Hyuck's neck, leaving feathery kisses every once in a while.

"I love you." Hyuck said loud and clear.

Mark could just smile to himself as he buried his face deeper unto Hyuck's neck, never going to be satisfied with how close they are to each other.

"I love you, too." Mark whispered.

Wala pang ilang minuto ay buhat buhat na siya ni Mark papuntang kwarto, casually stopping at his tracks kapag nararamdaman ang pagkawala ng hininga ngunit nagpapatuloy ulit kapag nakahinga na.

And Hyuck could stay in this moment forever.

Kasi ito lang naman ang hinihiling niya kahit noon pa man.

"Baby, I love you so much you don't even know." Mark panted as he reached for the back of his shirt only to pull and remove it from his body.

Hyuck watched in awe as Mark crawled back into him for another kiss.

And for Hyuck it was enough.