Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Who’s right is it to love? Only idiots with too much time are even able to consider the prospect of love, and I am no fool. Love seems devine, but stupid if not handled with carel. Maybe if I was a poor man who lives in a small village, maybe then I could love, but unfortunately, I am not. 

I live to take over a country that my father took over before me. I am an heir, a first born, and a princess who will one day be queen. My only duty at the moment however, is to marry a man in order to bear a child that will succeed me. Nothing more, nothing less - birth some kid that I do not want, to a man I won't ever love. The life of luxury - truly. 

Maybe if I wasn't so fortunate I would be free of these burdens, *dramatic sigh* but alas, I am not. If I was to abandon my duties my deranged uncle with too many malevolent ideas would take over the throne and who knows what would happen then. 

“Princess” 

So, I suppose I should just stay the perfect little princess that I was born to be. 

I used to experiment with individuality, but then I realized how hard I would fall in the end if I stayed being wayward and disobedient. I would never find a man who would love me, so I went back to being perfect and gave up any fantasies I had at being loved by anyone but a man. 

“Princess?” 

After all, to love a woman would leave me heirless and dead, killed by my uncle.

“Princess?!” A voice calls out for the third time. Eleanor looked at Jamie standing in the middle of her chambers, an annoyed expression plastered on his face. 

“Hmm?” She hums, her dazed demeanor capturing her elegance as she sits on the ledge of her large window, focused on the wind brushing through the roses in the garden rather than her best friend, who is practically fuming at her indifference. 

“I've been standing here for about five minutes calling your name and all I get is a ‘hmm’?!” Jamie walks over to the window sill and abruptly places his hand on the edge. “Today is to be treated with the utmost importance and you can't even be on time to meet your fiance?!”

Her eyes watered looking at him whilst a sigh fell from her lips at his words. 

She drew her gaze back to the warm june garden as the scratch of Jamie placing a chair down next to her filled the room. 

“Listen Ellie” 

Her fists clenched around her dress in fear of the truth, she looked at him, her expression blank.  

“I know how hard this day is for you, I understand, and if I could make it better I would, but you have to be strong.” Jamie expressed sympathetically, placing a hand on hers. “Ellie, you're one of the strongest, most stubborn people I know, and if I'm honest, I've never seen you so quiet in my life.” 

She looked at him, a little shocked by his compliment. Blowing a bit of hair out of her eye in frustration - she stared into his eyes searching for a hint that he’s lying. 

“You don't get it Jamie. You are allowed to marry whoever you damn well please.” She retorted, slightly angered by his empathy. Jamie let out a breathy laugh, before brushing a tress of hair from Eleanor’s face.  

“I’ll always be at your side - I thought you knew that.” He says sincerely. She looks at him, disbelief riddling her face. Exasperation flooded through Eleanor before she shoved his hand away. 

“Don't act like you don't have the hots for that one guard from Rosewood. What’s his name? Harry? Hiro? Oh that's right! Haru!” she teased smugly, watching Jamie’s normally stoic face turn a deep shade of crimson. Jamie hid his blush in embarrassment, his eyes filling with shock. 

“Oh yeah? What about that pretty blond chick that attends state dinners? You seem to be head over heels for her. Princess Charlotte, right?” Jamie mocks, sitting back in his chair, awaiting her typical hot headed reaction. Eleanor stood and walked away, her emotions bubbling up inside her. She hid her face from Jamie, forcing her tears to go away. 

Jamie knows he shouldn't have said the words that have just left his mouth, and as soon as he did the familiar wave of guilt came crashing down around him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.” Jamie admits calmly, his face going back to his restful, stoic expression. 

She could hear the sincerity in his words despite the monotone of his voice, but she still struggled with the reality of what he said. Spinning to face him, her fists clutching her dress, creasing the fabric - tears pricked at her eyelids, desperate to escape. 

She breathed in a cool breath, closing her eyes, stiling her emotions. She wiped away her tears carefully, focusing, not to ruin the makeup that she’d just done. 

“Jamie-” 

She sighs, calming her breath before stumbling into her personal guard. Her fear overwhelmed the two of them both. Eleanor was trying so hard to stay strong and Jamie knew it. Eleanor remained emotionless as he embraced her, being careful not to crush her dress. The moment only lasts for a couple minutes before Jamie whispers the time into her ear. He reminds her that she is already late to meet her betrothed. Eleanor stands, and clears her throat, brushing the creases from her dress. Jamie watched Eleanor still her expression once again, her emotion suddenly leaving her face a void. Eleanor then quickly walks to her bathroom and touches up her makeup and brushes through her long dark hair one last time. 

Ellie used to have it short, she always said she felt much freer that way, but after the news of my future betrothal a couple years ago, she grew it out, trying her hardest to appeal to whoever she was to marry. Everyone could tell how much she wanted to sink back, back to the days she wasn't expected to be womanly. Eleanor craves to turn back time to the days she could swing a sword without judgment and everyone could see it. But now that she is to be married, She convinced herself that she must be a respectful woman, to her there's no more time to be a child. 

Jamie had to hand it to Eleanor’s determination to be the best at everything she does, because it certainly made her look like a sweet, kind, caring princess, no matter how big of a lie it truly was. 

After fixing the mess she’d made of herself - she calmly walked out into her bedroom and looked at Jamie with an equally stoic expression before saying calmly, 

“We mustn't keep them waiting.”

Jamie nodded his head, his stone cold eyes filling with pity. Eleanor pretends to take no notice, more focused on herself. She can't risk losing this kingdom to anyone, and if marrying some man is what it takes, She vowed that she shall do it with a smile. Her emotions cannot get in her way, not from now on. 

It wasn't long till she was ushered away by her mother who had to quickly make sure everything was ready and that Eleanor looked her best. Queen Matilde pruned her daughter, straightening out her dress and laying her hair flat all while whispering how gorgeous Eleanor looked. After she was done making sure her daughter was presentable she walked Eleanor to the door of the throne room. 

“Right, we’ve made all the special arrangements regarding your engagement.” The Queen says swiftly as she hurries her daughter along. “However, I must ask that you treat your fiance kindly, this is hard for the both of you. Just- please don't screw this up Eleanor.” Her mother practically begs. Eleanor sighs but nods along to her words, a tad bit angered by her mother’s little faith that she won't be the best damn wife anyone could ask for. Eleanor replayed her mothers words over in her head a couple times, so as to not forget a single syllable. Though the words ‘special arrangements’ stand out a bit more than the others. 

“Mother?” She breathes calmly, trying her hardest to speak without a hint of demand in her tone. 

“Yes, what is it, child?”  She asks, slightly impatiently, that Eleanor is asking questions now of all times. Eleanor looks at her, raising her brow ever so slightly. 

“What do you mean by ‘Special Arrangements’?” She questions, confusion etched in her voice. 

The Queen sighs before looking at her daughter, slightly lost for words. She stares at her for a moment before trying to conjure up an explanation. 

“Um, well, your Knight Jamie came to speak with us, shortly after we’d decided on your betrothal, and well um, he gave a few.. suggestions of who your spouse should be, and we tried to accommodate - though I must say it was a little difficult.” She mumbles, acting a little perplexed as to how she could possibly answer her child’s question. Eleanor’s mother stops her rambling for a moment before decidedly just brushing the question away with the shake of her head.  “But nevermind that now dear. You’ll see what I mean soon enough. Just be nice and smile when that door opens.” She asures, a little exasperated. 

Eleanor’s eyebrow twitched in annoyance at her mothers nondescript answer, but she stays silent, feeling as though it was better to keep her mouth closed rather than causing her mother any more grief. The Queen gives her one more look to make sure her daughter is tidy then walks down the hall to find the throne room's second entrance without another word. 

As soon as she takes her leave a horn blows from inside the throne room, and Eleanor immediately feels dread wash over her as she hears silence fall across the room. Eleanor hears her title being announced and the door opens as soon as it's spoken. With no time to think she straightens her posture and looks at the stained glass window above the heads of her fiance and his party. Avoiding their eyes - she maintains eye contact with the glass portrait of the first king as she walks calmly down the aisle, refusing to look at anyone, silently pleading for it all to be over. 

Eleanor floated over to her guests, making sure to not trip on the short heels she’s ordered herself to wear, trying desperately to look graceful and delicate. As soon as she reached her fiance’s party, she directed her attention to the floor, bowing deeply to show her respect. She stays in that position for a moment writing while listening to her father tell her fiance how excited Eleanor was to meet them, and how much she awaits the future. 

As soon as the King finished Eleanor’s fiance let out a small giggle. 

What?

It was sweet, and soft, Eleanor even dared to say it was.. cute. Eleanor’s eyes widened before shooting up to look at the man she was destined to marry, but it wasn't a man at all.  

Eleanor’s eyes meet the soft blue of her’s. Her eyes were like innocent fairy pools, unmarred by travesty, her hair was spun gold falling down her shoulders in waves of curls. The girl smiled at her, her lips curving up sweetly. Eleanor couldn't breathe. 

It can't be. 

Impossible. 

* ✿ Ten Months Earlier ✿ *

Jamie’s eyes glared daggers on the floor as he sat on a bench outside the throne room, nervously waiting to be summoned for his audience with the king and queen. He maintained his composure despite his nerves eating him away. Panic racked his body whilst he tried to concentrate on his task - discuss Ellie’s sexuality with her parents. 

He was despicable, he was betraying his best friend's trust, and risking everything for her happiness. Ellie had discussed coming out to her parents  many times and he knew how scared she was everytime it was mentioned. 

The King and Queen have never been particularly homophobic, but Ellie had always struggled to tell them due to the chance that they hated her for it. Of course they couldn't just get rid of her, but that's what scared Ellie most - the thought that they would ignore her, force her to marry a man anyway, force her to get pregnant. 

Jamie however has always known that her parents wouldn't mind whether she liked women or not. When Jamie had come out the king, he hugged Jamie and smiled, he thanked him for telling him. Jamie knew having a queer child was different, but he had to take this risk. Even if she hated him for telling them, she had to be happy. 

With the announcement that she was to be married, Jamie could see Ellie’s personality shift, she was no longer the loud mouthed hot head she’d always been, she was quieter, shy, Jamie dared to say she was frightened. 

Ellie threw herself into being the girl her mother always wanted her to be, struggling, but managing. She gave up everything she loved and replaced it with the things she’d make fun of as a child. Though he didn't show it, Jamie struggled too. He struggled to watch his best friend ruin herself to be someone she wasn't, just to please everyone around her. Ellie had never cared what others think before, but as soon as she was in the public eye, she became paranoid, and obsessed with being ‘normal’. 

Jamie couldn't stand to be silent any more, he couldn't watch her be sent off to produce children for a man she could never love. He couldn't bear to stand by. He had to do something, anything. 

“You may enter” The voice of a guard echoed through the empty hallway. Jamie looked up to look at him, wiping away any stress that had risen to his face. He stood and entered the throne room calmly refusing to show any sign of distress. He reached the King and Queen and swung his body into a deep bow before kneeling and looking at them, a pleading look on his face. 

“Your Highnesses, I've come to speak with you about your daughter, Princess Eleanor.” He addressed, his voice unwavering, but still tinged with guilt. Ellie’s parents looked at him slightly confused. The king sat back in his seat for a moment and casually asked, 

“Is she alright? You don't normally come to speak to us so formally” The king stared into Jamie’s unwavering expression before sighing, ”you are free to speak.” 

After receiving the king's permission to speak freely, Jamie stood, took a deep breath before uttering the words he so desperately wanted to take back. 

“Ellie.. She.. She likes women.” Jamie paused and flinched. However after a moment, he realized that no one was yelling, he opened his eyes to see that king staring back at him calmly, waiting for him to continue. Sighing, he continued, “She isn't interested in men, not romantically. And I know I'm completely going behind her back by telling you this, but I just can't bear to watch her prepare herself to make babies for a man when I know she’ll never be happy. I know you probably have someone already lined up to marry here, but I just wanted to ask you-  No I’m begging you, please reconsider. Let her choose who she is to marry, or find a way to let her marry someone else, please.” 

Jamie looked up to see the queen tearing up and the king sitting back, thinking over Jamie’s words. They both sat on their thrones, worry plastered on their faces. Jamie couldn't tell if he should be relieved or concerned, but he stood up straight and nutraled his expression, muttering an apology for stepping out of line. Once again, his eyes trained themselves on the marble floor, avoiding the two royals in front of him. A thick silence was cast over the room. Bile rose in Jamie’s throat as tension cast itself thickly over the room. 

“I’m sorry- I shouldn't have said anything, I do apologize. I understand if you do not wish to hear what I say. Just please don't tell her, let her keep the normality if anything else-” 

Jamie’s monotonous pleas were cut short by the feeling of two soft arms encompassing him in a hug. Jamie looked up, startled by the embrace. His legs were jelly underneath him, panic rose in his chest, but warm arms held him steady. Queen Matilde gently held Jamie for a moment before pulling away calmly. Jamie stood there stunned by the sudden affection. 

“My Queen-” He faltered, his uptight demeanor failing him. 

“Thank you Jamie.” The Queen whispered. “ I’m sorry. I’m sorry we couldn't have been more knowledgeable of our daughter’s feelings. We will try our hardest from now on to choose a suitor more suited to her. Jamie please forgive us for letting her become so transfixed, we never intended for this to happen. Thank you, truly - let us fix this. Do not fret, we will right everything.” 

Shocked didn't even capture the emotions Jamie felt in that moment. The Queen of Maradova was apologizing to him. Of all people, him? Guilt webbed its way into his mind - struggling to comprehend how he was getting praises and apologies for something he knew Ellie would be angry about later, but dwelling on it would only cause it to eat him away. 

Jamie left the ballroom knowing that Ellie’s future was safe from her biggest fears, and yet as he walked down the long expansive corridors feeling as though he had just stabbed her. Guilt wracked his body, and the pit in his stomach only grew. 

“Jamie?” A voice called out in front of him. He looked up to see Ellie walking down the hallway towards him. “What are you doing here? You weren't at breakfast so I came to find you. Did you speak to my parents? Is something wrong?” Ellie interrogated, her voice oddly sweet despite her annoyed expression. 

Jamie sighed, he knew how hard she was trying to be docile, but all he really wanted was for her to return to him, the real Ellie, not Princess Eleanor. 

“Yes, everything is alright Princess, don't worry. I just needed to speak with your parents about some basic housekeeping.” Jamie sighed, his expression stilled. 

Ellie nodded before turning around to walk back to her room, slightly stumbling over her floor length dress. Jamie couldn't help but chuckle to himself. 

* ✿ Present Day ✿ *

Eleanor’s eyes darted around the room searching for a man esteemed enough for her to marry other than the figure of elegance in front of her, there's no one. She  immediately became aware of how many people were watching her - awaiting her reaction. The pit in her stomach grows bigger with every passing second. 

So that's what her mother meant by ‘special arrangements’. Her fiance was really a woman. Eleanor didn't know whether to be ecstatic or wishing for it all to go away. How did they know? Was she really so obvious? How did they know? The only person who knew was..

Jamie. 

Eleanor was going to hurl, she couldn't breathe. She kneeled there, frozen in shock. Nothing made sense. The only thing she could think of was if her efforts were wasted. She spent so much time trying to be perfect for her husband, preparing to be a good wife, mother, and housekeeper. Was it all for nothing? Had she destroyed herself for nothing?

Eleanor stood shakily, her expression hard as stone. She was numb as her emotions drained themselves back into the pool of uncovered emotions. As she stood there and stared at the girl in front of her, Princess Charlotte panicked due to her fiance’s lack of reaction. Almost embarrassed, Charlotte fiddled with the sword on her belt, dying for the girl in front of her to say something. 

“Are you alright? You seem nervous. I apologize if I wasn't what you were expecting.” Charlotte concedes nervously, her face slowly going pink in embarrassment. Eleanor had to take a step back before mumbling that she was fine. Charlotte nodded to herself before calmly holding out a hand for Eleanor to take. “Um, here's to our future together.” The princess smiled nervously at her declaration, waiting for Eleanor to take her hand. 

Instead of taking the blond’s hand, Eleanor nodded before uttering a nonchalant “Sure.” Charlotte blushed in embarrassment and put her hand back on the hilt of her sword. Eleanor eyed the girl up and down taking note of her informal appearance. The princess was wearing riding clothes and her hair was slightly disheveled. It was apparent that she had not ridden in a carriage from The Kingdom of Rosewood. 

Everytime Eleanor had seen Princess Charlotte at state dinners and during brief stays at rosewood, she had always seen Charlotte clad in sweet pink and blue dresses and jewels, she was everything Eleanor aspired to be, but now that she's here, standing before Eleanor dressed in trousers and boots Eleanor almost felt betrayed by her ideals. 

Despite the Princess’s casual attire, atop her head was a delicate little tiara that plainly displayed her title. The tiara was small and made of pure silver, in the center of the tiara was a crescent moon, a symbol of the royal family. It was beautiful, and it added a hint of femininity to her appearance that made her look more like a princess than Eleanor had ever. 

At first Eleanor’s only thought was her jealousy, her jealousy that this girl could be so beautiful without even trying. Why couldn't she be so lovely? But as she stood there, taking in her fiance’s appearance she couldn't help but feel admiration, because even though she was a princess whom every kingdom sought after, she was still confident enough to be herself. 

Ellie felt sick. The room was too small, too stuffy, too crowded. She needed to breathe, she needed to escape. She stood there, clenching her fists, thinking over everything. 

Jamie

She needed to speak to Jamie. 

If not for advice, then scream at him. She needed to smash something, anything. 

“Sorry” Eleanor whispered, before turning abruptly. She calmly walked out of the room, away from all the wandering eyes and her fiance. Eleanor left. 

As soon as she reached the other side of the door, she kicked off her heels and ran. She took off, running as fast as she could. She needed to get away. She needed fresh air. She had to escape. Hot tears cascaded down her face, she sprinted to her room, throwing open the door and slamming it closed. 

Eleanor stood there, sobbing, struggling to process everything that was happening. She tried to stop the tears, to bottle it up, to hide them away, but she couldn't. Not this time. Her mind raced, thinking over every word, every wish, everything she’s ever said. She couldn't figure out her feelings. In her state of confusion she didn't notice Jamie walk into her room. 

She turned to face him, hearing the door behind her click closed. She looked at Jamie and scowled. She was furious. How could Jamie tell them? How could he waste everything she worked so hard for. Jamie looked at the floor, silently pleading to Eleanor for her forgiveness. Jamie knew how much he’d hurt her, he couldn't take it back, and he knew that. He stood there, unable to say anything. 

“Why?” Eleanor choked out. Her voice sounded more hurt than angry. Jamie flinched hard, he wanted Ellie to yell at him, he hated how vulnerable she sounded. “Why did you do it?! Why would you tell them?!” She demanded an answer, she needed an explanation. Jamie looked up, he stared into her eyes, an angry fire lit in his chest. 

“I was trying to protect you!” Jamie yelled. He didn't know why he was so angry, he knew this would happen, and yet he is angry that she couldn't atleast thank him. 

“Protect me?!” Eleanor barked. Her confusion seeped out of every pore on her body. She was so blinded by her anger that she couldn't even see his reason. “From what Jamie? Do you think I'm incapable of protecting myself? Do you really believe me to be so weak?!” 

The words hit Jamie like a punch to the chest. He desperately wanted to apologize but he’d started this argument and now he had to finish it. He couldn't do anything but defend himself. Standing down was no longer an option. 

“Of course you're not weak Ellie! I just couldn't bear to watch you change yourself entirely just to please some- some-  man! I know what I did wasn't right, but I would rather you be mad at me than be miserable for the rest of your goddamn life.”  Jamie bellowed. He was so angry with her for not understanding, but despite him trying to reason, he knew he had betrayed Eleanor. He knew how hard it was for her to admit her feelings and he abused her trust. He knows how horrible he is, and yet he can't see past the fact that now she’ll finally be happy. 

“I wasn't miserable! I was perfectly fine! I had everything under control and you ruined it! Sure, I was scared, but I would have figured it out! I chose to be like this, Jamie - not mother, not father, not my fiance, me.” Eleanor sobbed, her makeup completely ruined by tears. “I let you keep my secrets, and you betrayed me! How could you say that you only wanted what's best if you knew the risk.” 

Jamie went silent. He wanted to scream at her, but he knew that wouldn't do any good. He truly pitied Eleanor, though he would never tell her. Jamie walked towards her and embraced Eleanor in a hug. Eleanor struggled to get out of his grasp but his grip on her stayed firm. 

“I’m sorry Ellie. I know, I hurt you, and I’m truly sorry. I only wanted you to be happy. I know you don't see it, but you were destroying yourself. I can't let you live a life of hatred and fear, you deserve happiness Ellie. I know you don't believe me, but please, just trust me, everything will be alright.” Jamie cooed into Eleanor’s ear. Eleanor slowly gave up the fight and laid her head into his chest and sniffled. She didn't understand anything anymore. Everything that had previously made sense about this entire arrangement completely left her brain. She was hopeless. 

Jamie made sure to stay with Eleanor until she calmed down, returning to her (somewhat) normal self. Jamie knew he was horrible but even though what he did wasn't right, it was what's best for Ellie. 

Eleanor stayed in her room pondering her life for a long time. She laid on her frilly pink bed and stared up at the canopy that had been installed only a couple weeks ago. She was lost over anything else. Sure, she knew that the person she tried so hard to be wasnt her, she used to struggle with the thought, but now it feels wasted. All the time she spent learning to cook, sew, dance, and sing was now worthless. 

All she ever wanted to be was the best at being perfect. She wished she didn't care. She used to be so content being herself, sword fighting, cursing, cutting her hair. But she gave it all up so she could be accepted. Because if she wasn't a perfect lady, no man would want her, and she would be forced to give up the throne. She had a duty to follow, and she did it with grace. 

Eleanor stared up at the canopy and ran her fingers through her hair. It was long, heavy, and hot. She got so many compliments for her beautiful long black hair, everyone wanted to know how she grew it out so quickly. She hated her long hair, but she kept growing out, focusing on maintaining her beauty.

Eleanor picked up a piece of her hair and twirled it around her finger, staring at the shiny black tint. She suddenly had the urge to cut it, to rip it off, to free herself of it forever. 

Eleanor lept from her bed and walked over to a chest that was hidden in a corner of her bedroom. She wiped the dust from the top and opened it. Inside was a circus of leather, metal, and wood - all of the things she’d given up once she was engaged. Eleanor rummaged through the chest for a while before pulling out a long leather sheath, sticking out of it was a bronze pommel. Eleanor stood and pulled a long sword out of the sheath. The sword was beautiful and ornate with watered steel, however it was quite well loved, with notches and dents in the metal, and the leather strap on the grip was falling off. 

Eleanor took the sword and with no real technique she sliced it right through a handful of her locks. Her beautiful black tresses fell to the floor as she messily cut her hair to be as short as a man’s. When she finished cutting away at her hair she walked over to the mirror in her bathroom. Her new haircut was uneven and messy with hair sticking out in different directions, but Eleanor didn't mind, she felt significantly freer now it was gone. As Eleanor stared at her new completion she took note of the streaky tear stained pigment on her face and picked up a cloth to wash it away. 

Once the pigments of her makeup muddied the water Eleanor could finally see herself in the mirror again, she wasn't doll-like anymore, she looked human. She really took in her boyish features and smiled, feeling a bit more whole once again. 

✿ * ✿ * ✿ * ✿ * ✿

Princess Charlotte stared across the dining hall waiting in the silence. She twiddled her fingers nervously as people around her made small talk amongst themselves. The seat across from her was empty.

“Hey, you okay?” A voice to her left spoke up, their tone full of concern. Everyone knew Charlotte was struggling after the events of the morning. It had been hours since her bride practically rejected her at first glance, and even at a glance the entire castle could see that she was hurt. All the princess had wanted was to make her bride love her. It's something everyone dreams of, right? Love? 

Charlotte had dreamed of finding her soulmate since she was little, and had always assumed it would be some prince. However, when she’d publicly announced her bisexuality, requests for her hand had flooded in from across the world, specifically from young woman. 

Most of the women were nobles, and being an heir to a kingdom, Charlotte knew her advisors wouldn't agree to a marriage if her spouse isn't equal to her. It was only once she was visited by the King and Queen of Maradova did she finally get a request she was eligible to take. If she had known then how different Princess Eleanor would be to every other girl she didn't know whether she would have accepted the proposal. 

“Yeah, I’m fine! Don't worry about me!” Charlotte smiled sweetly at her advisor (and bestie) - Binah. The bushy haired girl nodded and shrugged before whispering back an unconvinced ‘okay’.

Charlotte knew the Princess of Maradova was no ordinary girl, she had spoken to people with crazy stories about the girl. 

“She was crazy strong! She would have taken me out before I even drew a sword!”

“That girl is no princess, she’s honestly terrifying.” 

“You’re going to marry her?! Good luck!” 

Despite the horror stories and rumors she’d heard about the girl, the evening Charlotte first met her, you would never guess those words were spoken about her. 

She had shorter hair then, shoulder length, her soft blue gown cascading down to the floor. Charlotte couldn't place how this beautiful girl who was taking her place at the table could be the same girl from all the rumors she’d heard.  The Princess had this smile on her face, and it stayed there all evening, it was as though it had been glued to her face with honey - it was sweet, but Charlotte knew there was something off about her demeanor. It was as though Eleanor was a broken record, trapped in a loop. 

At the time Charlotte passed it off as nerves, but slowly as the two of them attended more and more social gatherings, she couldn't help but feel like her fiance was doll with lifeless eyes and a supple smile - the princess gave off the air of mystique, never saying a word, just maintaining a sweet smile. 

Until today, Charlotte had expected The Princess to walk in and smile without a word from her mouth, but what happened left Charlotte entirely lost for words. She was blank, no smile, no sweet curtsy. When she had reached Charlotte her face showed emotion, real emotion, but unlike the smile Charlotte expected, Eleanor’s eyes were full of rage, envy, and panic. She looked around as though everyone was spinning. Charlotte watched as her chest rose and fell with anxiety. Then she left. The gorgeous girl left her standing there utterly lost. 

Charlotte stared at the soft blue tablecloth and sighed. If only she could understand what was going on inside her betrothed’s mind. Was she repulsed by Charlotte? Did she not know they were engaged when they’d met before? What was running through her mind when they’d met? 

Charlotte’s questions went unanswered as the large doors to the dinning hall were opened softly. Everyone looked up from their trivial conversation to look at the long overdue presence entering the room. It was the Princess, but for the first time since Charlotte had met her, the devoid of life in her eyes was filled with something other than anger - it was fear. 

✿*

Eleanor’s eyes trained on the floor, nerves cascading over her body in waves. She didn't dare look at anyone, or anything- she already knew every eye in the room was set on her. She prayed not to provide any more reason for their stares. 

Eleanor wanted to hide, sure she was high on the rush of being so free, but the reality of what she’d done hit her with the force of a train. Regret seeped through every pore on her body as she sat down at the table, wishing for everyone to start eating rather than gawk at her messy appearance. 

Why?

Why did you cut your hair?

It was your lifeline, your beauty, how could you have gotten rid of it so carelessly? 

Idiot. 

She could feel the beautiful blue eyes of Princess Charlotte glued onto her figure. Eleanor looked up to meet them, trying to mask her nervousness. Eleanor, smiling her small practiced smile, looked into the princess's eyes. Charlotte's breath hitched slightly as Eleanor’s deep ebony eyes met hers, Eleanor had a foxy aura to her features that she hadn't noticed before. Eleanor suppressed a smirk at Charlotte's reaction, masking her rising chuckle with a dainty cough. 

Charlotte took in Eleanor’s new found appearance, her expression unable to be stilled. She knew that Eleanor had always been beautiful, but now that she was in front of her and the mask she had been using was gone, she truly believed that Eleanor was an angel, no matter how dark and mysterious. 

Ellie diverted her eyes from her fiance’s gaze, a light blush rising to her cheeks. Charlotte quickly took the change in attitude as a cue to stop staring, but she just couldn't help it, Eleanor was.. gorgeous.

After a moment of silence that had been cast over the room, Eleanor stood, whispering her excuses to leave. Just as she turned to leave the room however a voice echoed out through the silence. 

“Wait!” 

Eleanor whipped around to see Charlotte standing, desperation etched on her face. 

“Can I speak with you?”

Eleanor watched her carefully, confused by her outburst before turning around once again and leaving the room. 

The girl must have taken Eleanor’s actions as a yes as only a moment later Charlotte came hurrying out of the dining room and into the hallway. The two of them stood there staring at each other for a moment before Eleanor broke the silence, clearly annoyed. 

“You wished to speak to me?” Charlotte quickly jumped to speak, startled out of her daze. 

“Um yes, I just wanted to ask…” She struggled to find the words but eventually said, “who are you?” Eleanor stared at her, surprised by her blunt interrogation. “Sorry, that was random, you don't have to answer-”

“Princess Eleanor Prudence Wolfson, soul heir to the Kingdom of Maradova, and your fiance. You, however, may call me Ellie.” Charlotte repeated those words under her breath a couple times before smiling and outstretching a hand to her. 

“It's lovely to meet you Ellie, I am Princess Charlotte Edith Curren-Pikten (not to be confused with Pumpkin), fiance to Ellie, and soul heir to the kingdom of Rosewood, but everyone calls me Lottie.” Lottie said, smiling a broad smile and curtsying slightly. Ellie nodded at the new information before pivoting on her heels and walking away. Lottie stood there, her hand outstretched for a moment, confused as to what to do. It was only when Ellie had turned around to face her again did she lower it. 

“Nice to meet you Lottie.” Ellie said sharply before turning down a hallway to the left, leaving Lottie standing alone in the echoey corridor. 

“Ellie~” Lottie whispered softly under her breath before turning to enter the dining room once more. 

Chapter Text

Lottie was sick and tired of waiting. It'd been three days since it was announced that they were engaged, and for three days the Princess hasn't bothered to show her face. Lottie was miffed. She hasn't seen, let alone spoken to the reluctant girl since they met in the corridor, and now she was to plan their wedding?! Lottie knew what she was getting into choosing this girl out of all of her potential suitors, but still, the princess could at least try to get to know her! 

Maybe it'd be easier if she were allowed to plan the wedding herself, but since the bride is traditionally the one to take care of preparations and decorations, Lottie is kind of supposed to co-decorate. 

Lottie sat in front of a table covered in mood boards and color swatches, excited to show her ideas with her fiance, but as 9am turned to 1pm that turned into 10pm, Lottie was getting so tired of waiting around. 

Lottie had dreamed of her wedding since she was a child, and even though the prospect of love was never one that was promised, she still hoped that one day she would find her prince or princess charming to sweep her off her feet. Lottie felt a bit stupid now that she's convinced herself that her fiance would feel the same. She had hoped that Ellie would be the romantic type too, but alas she didn't even have an idea of the type of person Ellie was. The Princess of Maradova was probably one of the most confusing souls she’d ever met. She was prim and proper when she wanted to be, but cold and unruly when it suited her, it was honestly bewildering. Lottie couldn't help feeling like her fiance was a total mystery. She was a puzzle box, and Lottie was really struggling to figure out how the hell to unpack her. 

Everytime Lottie thought she understood what was inside Ellie’s heart, she was incorrect. Her eyes were fearful, her demeanor was confident, her body language was prim, and her smile was mischievous. None of those adjectives fit together, but for some reason, Ellie made it work. 

Lottie groaned as she lifted her head from her desk. If she could at least speak to Ellie for longer than two sentences then MAYBE she could decipher AT LEAST a smidge of her person, but no. Lottie is planning their wedding alone, with no Ellie in sight. Typical. 

Lottie stood, rubbing the exhaustion from her eyes, she stared down at the mess she’d made of the table, before letting her gaze roam around the room. It was a smaller room with large windows on one wall. The others were covered in bookshelves and paintings of the royal family at different stages of their lives. There was one of Ellie when she was little, about 5 or 6, her ebony hair tied back out of her face, a sweet little gold tiara on her head, and a cheesy grin on her complexion as she showed off her light blue gown with a smile. 

The painting to its left was also of Ellie, though in this one she looked to be about 14, she was wearing trousers and a cape, as she rode a beautiful black mare, the same childish grin etched across her features. Her father was also in this painting, ruffling his daughter's short hair as he rode next to her, it was plain to see that her smile ran in the family. Lottie stared up at the two paintings, her eyes drawn to Ellie's smile. Despite how much it suited her features, Lottie had doubted she’d ever seen it before. It looked so foreign. 

As Lottie stared at the girl in the painting, she suddenly felt a wave of determination wash over her, she would see that smile again on Ellie’s face again, and she would be the one to give it to her. 

*✿ Meanwhile, in another part of the castle ✿*

Jamie’s brow twitched, his eyes struggling to stay focused on the document in front of him. The soft buzzing of a fly circling his head, taunting him. Jamie’s pen stayed steady in his hand as he wrote his weekly report on the upkeep of his sector of the guard. He had until midnight to finish the document before it was considered late, and Jamie, being the astutely punctual person he is, wished he had finished the report sooner. But due to a certain princess’s time consuming mental breakdown he was now finishing his work late, cutting the due closer than he wished. With narrowed eyes, he turned all of his attention to the document in front of him. His mind trained solely on the paper. 

bzzz

He sighed as he forced himself to not get distracted by anything, he needed to finish quickly, he can't waste anymore time. Even though the pressure on his clenched jaw was building with each passing second.

bzzzzzz

Jamie pursed his lips while dipping his pen into his pot of ink gently, so as to not spill, and drove it delicately across the clean white parchment of the report. He made sure each letter was perfect, trying his best not to soil his parchment with his steel grip on the pen. 

bzzzzzzzzzz

The temptation to scream was too much. His frustration ebbed on the back of his mind as he pushed himself to continue. He willed himself to not smudge anything as his hands became increasingly less delicate. 

Knock knock knock

“JUST SHUT UP”  Jamie exclaimed angrily, as he stood from his desk exasperatedly. The pot of ink, now soaking the document in front of him. Jamie sighed deeply, swooping down to clean the mess he’d made. He’ll just have to tell the general that he’ll finish his report tomorrow. It wasn't like Jamie to lose his temper, and now he’ll have to deal with the consequences. Groaning, Jamie slowly started to tidy his mess. 

Knock knock knock

His eyes floated to the door and with another sigh he stood. Anyone who needed him at this hour must have news, otherwise whoever is behind that door is getting pummeled, Jamie thought to himself as he slowly turned the door handle, revealing a tall, freckled boy that Jamie knew all too well. 

“My my, such a racket you’re causing Lieutenant Commander. Who knew Maradova’s most trusted soldier could be so jumpy.”  The boy said with a sweet smirk, his eyes twinkling slightly behind the frames of his glasses - adding a hit of playfulness to his uptight demeanor. 

“Haru-” Jamie gasped, as he leaned to pull the boy in for a hug. “I was wondering when you’d come and see me. Why’d it take you so long?” Jamie rushed, practically out of breath as he pulled Haru into his room. 

Haru smiled softly before taking in the room around him, his eyes wandering to Jamie’s, now ink soaked, desk. 

“I had to find the time, I’m awfully busy nowadays.” Haru spoke softly as he waltzed over to the desk, running his fingers along the rim. “It looks the same for you, Mr Army-Man~ Busy with your reports I see.” he hummed, looking back to see Jamie standing in the middle of the room, his body language tense. Haru sighed, his gaze floating up to meet the unamused eyes of the boy in front of him. 

“After your letter, I thought you would have come to see me at your first opportunity, but it seems you took your time with it.” Jamie spat, releasing a breath he couldn't remember holding. He held Haru’s sweet chocolatey eyes in his gaze, struggling to maintain his anger. “You had me worried, Haru.” His stare falling to the floor, an expression Haru couldn't quite place on his face. 

“Apologies Princess, I hadn't realized how desperate you were.” Haru smiled softly, hoping his joke would cause a smile to break on his lover’s stoney face. He walked over to Jamie, meeting his gaze, assuming he would make Jamie laugh or smirk or say something along the lines of “shut up”. However, Jamie stayed silent for a moment, Haru’s words not quite reaching him in the way he’d expected.  

“Knock it off, Haru. I was worried, you made me think that you’d forgotten about me. You didn't need to add to my stress ya know, it doesn't help that my princess is having an internal war with herself, that is not only stressful, but all consuming. I just wished you wouldn't have ignored me for days. I haven't seen you in months, let alone receive a letter! Where have you been? Why did you leave me alone for so long? I thought when you arrived you would come and tell me it was a misunderstanding, but you made me think you- you-... Ugh just forget it. Forgive me for not being happy. I was worried, Haru.” The words left Jamie’s mouth before he could stop them, but Haru always seemed to have that effect on him. Jamie had spent months waiting for word from Haru, and now that he was back, his emotions were at an all time high. If there was ever a time that Jamie needed Haru, this week would take the cake. Jamie just needed a relief - without Haru he just felt so stiff . 

Jamie could feel the sigh of Haru’s breath as he was pulled into his strong embrace. As he held him steady his frantic breathing slowed and Jamie calmed himself once again, reciprocating the hug. Haru could feel Jamie's arms slide across his back tenderly, almost as if he was frightened, skeptical of his embrace. 

“I’m sorry for being a little MIA lately. Lottie has had me pretty occupied for the past couple of months, and I've been traveling with my team back in Takeshin. We're currently making preparations to merge with Rosewood’s army. So I apologize for being so absent. I haven't forgotten about you Jamie. Please, there are days you’re the only thought in my mind. Please forgive me for making you fret. I missed you, Kich ō ” Haru said softly as he held Jamie close to his chest. 

Jamie could feel his cheeks heat up at the nickname, as he shoved his face deeper into Haru’s embrace as to avoid giving him the satisfaction of seeing him blush. 

“Shut up.” Jamie mumbled, his voice muffled by Haru’s uniform. Haru smiled, and embraced him tighter, taking delight in the fact that the tips of Jamie’s ears had turned scarlet. 

“Kawaii~” 

“I said shut up!” 

*✿

Lottie’s eyes fell onto the shadow cast gardens beyond the room’s windows and sighed. There were so many different factors at play in her and Ellie’s relationship that she honestly didn't know where to start, maybe if she could speak to her she could get an idea of her interests, or her personality, but Lottie was without any cues or clues to who her bride is. 

They were wedding that fall, so that meant she had five months to figure her out before they tied the knot, that’d be enough time, right ?

A sigh left Lottie’s lips as she ran her hands over the window frame, peering through the glass, her eyes widening as she strained them to look further. 

There was a small light shining softly through the flora of the garden, a light that wasn't there before. Lottie strained her eyes to see further, curious as to who was in the courtyard so late in the evening. The tiny glow was from a single candle, and if Lottie was seeing correctly, it was illuminating a small figure who was moving too quickly for the light to catch it. 

Lottie stared for a moment longer before deeming herself creepy and turned away to finish tidying. 

*✿

Lottie was restless, though the night had well seeped into the earth and she should have been asleep, Lottie’s eyes constantly drifted to the window of her bedroom, catching on the faint light beyond the window. It was farther away now that she lay in bed, but she couldn't help but feel the soft wisps of the candle light draw her in. She was pulled in the direction of the courtyard, like fate was calling her. Lottie knew she was crazy for feeling so connected to a candle, but the more she lay awake the more she felt like she couldn't breathe without fulfilling her curiosity. 

Lottie’s breath hitched as she placed her bare feet onto the cool marble floor of her bedroom, the lace of her nightgown brushing against her calf. Throwing a shawl over her bare shoulders, she lit a small oil lamp and left her room, her slippers echoing whispers through the corridor. 

She slowed her breath as she treaded through the unfamiliar halls, careful to not make a sound. She didn't want to awaken any attention, it was too late in the night to wake anyone, intentionally or otherwise. . 

As Lottie neared the courtyard, the hiss of metal clattering against a blunt force filled the air. The shear crescendo of a lone sword whistled as she walked closer. Slowing her steps, Lottie came up off the path to the center of the courtyard and walked cautiously towards the light. Her eyes falling through the darkness to land on the sight of a lonely candelabra on the stoney floor. 

Standing over the candle she looked into the darkness for the lover of late night escapades, but there was nothing but a dying candle dimly lighting the area, a weak attempt to reveal to Lottie the person hiding in the black. 

Lottie neared to pick up the candelabra, inspecting it. It belonged to the palace, and was ornate in nature. Lottie stared at the flickering flame, her eyes enchanted by its dancing under the pale moon. The gentle hush of the breeze causes the blaze to jump and skip with enjoyment. Lottie sighed to herself, standing to look at her surroundings once more, before deciding that she’d do well to head back to bed, as it seemed whoever left the candle was still to be found. 

Lottie blew out the candelabra before picking up her own oil lamp and turned to head back down the path from which she arrived, but as soon as she stepped to leave a voice called out from the darkness. 

“What are you doing?”

Lotties breath hitched violently in her throat, almost jumping out of her skin at the sudden voice. Carefully, she turned around, holding the lamp up in the impenetrable darkness. Her hands quivering in fear. A rustle came from beyond the ink of the night. Lottie took a step back, her slippers dipping into the earth beyond the stone path. 

Emerging from the leaden night was a tall figure, slightly slouched. The figure breathed heavily, their breath filling the silence. The figure moved slowly into the light, the soles of their steel-toed shoes clicking against the stone beneath. Lottie braced herself as the newcomer walked into the light, her eyes flinching shut in fear, her breath caught in her throat. 

“I asked you a question, Lottie”

Lottie’s eyes flew open at the mention of her nickname, the grip on her lamp tightening. 

Standing before her was a very exhausted looking Ellie, and despite Lotties better judgment, she couldn't help but stare at her fiance’s appearance. 

Sweat pooled on her skin like morning dew, as her partly undone blouse billowed in the soft breeze. The top half of her hair was tied away from her face, with only a few strands crowding her expression. Providing Lottie with a clear view of her fiance’s deep ebony eyes filled with fire. In her hand was a sword, dented and tattered, but beautiful. Lottie couldn't help but wonder why the hell Ellie was in the gardens, sweaty, disheveled, and holding a sword so late at night. 

“Hello?” Ellie said, waving her sword slightly in the air to grab Lottie’s attention. Lottie’s eyes snapped up to reach her own, her demeanor changing instantly. 

“I-I um..” Lottie mumbled, nerves wracking her body, as she became suddenly aware of how cold the night truly was. 

“Um?” Ellie rolled her eyes, obviously not concerned with Lottie’s rambled excuses. Lottie turned scarlet, her hands shaking with bashfulness. 

“I’m sorry! It was the light, I was concerned for whomever was out so late, and it was distracting me from rest so I came to see its cause..” Lottie blurted, her anxiety rising with each second she soaked in her embarrassment. “I truly didn't intend to interrupt your..?”

“Sword practice.” 

“...Sword practice.” Lottie remedied. But as Lottie corrected her sentence she immediately became curious. “Sword Practice? In the middle of the night?”

“I’m rusty. I haven't had practice in about a year, so I suppose you could say I’m making up for lost time.” She confessed, nonchalantly sliding the blade into its long leather sheath at her hip. Lottie stared for a moment before looking back up to meet Ellie’s emotionless gaze. 

“I’m rather a novice when it comes to wielding, but if I may say, from what I heard, you seem rather skilled. Why give it up?” Lottie questioned, rocking on her heels in slight embarrassment at the awkward situation she managed to put herself in. 

“You cannot hardly even begin to understand my skill just by ear alone, so do not be quick to judge.” Ellie sighed as she kneeled down to grab a cloak that was resting at the base of a tree. “And my reasoning is none of your business. Now, If you’ll excuse me.” She nodded quickly before heading down the path from which Lottie came. 

“Wait a second!” Lottie cried, trying not to lose sight of her fiance in the inky black of the night. 

“What is it?” Ellie asked exasperated, as she turned around to face Lottie who was walking to catch up with her. 

“Would you care to join me for afternoon tea tomorrow? I should like to discuss the arrangements of our wedding.” Lottie was probably more hopeful than she should be, yet she still wanted to ask, desperate for some sort of outside opinion on trivial things as curtains and table toppers, and if she was being honest, she was rather desperate to learn a little more about her betrothed. 

Ellie stared at her a moment before sighing. 

“I’m sure you’ll be perfectly fine on your own. I shall not get in your way in the process. Plan the wedding of your dreams for all I care.” Ellie then turned again and waltzed away, briskly leaving Lottie alone, standing there feeling like an utter idiot. 

It seemed that getting the princess to smile was a harder task than expected. 

✿ * ✿ * ✿ * ✿ * ✿

Haru stared tiredly at the ceiling of the conservatory, his eyes lazily focused on a hanging flower pot swaying slightly in the breeze floating in through the large glass windows. He tried to tune out Lottie’s exasperated rant but it was no use, her agitation was too pronounced to ignore. 

“-I mean, I know I always dreamt of marrying a princess from some far off kingdom, but this is not what i’d expected!” Lotties voice rang through the atrium. “She will hardly look at me, let alone speak. I know it's only been about a week since we arrived, but everytime I run into her she doesn't even spare me a glance!” Lotties groaned into her teacup, her posture slouching into the table in front of her. 

Haru sat across from her, quietly munching on the biscuits decorating the table. He was equally as exasperated with the entire situation, however he just wished he knew how to remedy the situation. He knows he should probably speak to Jamie about the whole affair, but they really haven't had much time to talk. Between the wedding, his duty to Takeshin, as well as his Princess, Haru really didn't have much time to see Jamie in an informal setting. When they were able to see eachother it was quick, and there wasn't much talking. Most of the time they were just so tired from their long days that they just slept. Sometimes he wishes they were a little more interesting and did things other than snuggle up to each other after a long day. 

Haru almost wished that he could leave his position for a day, take Jamie out of the castle and the two could go on a real date together, but that request wasn't one he was sure he was permitted to make. 

“I just wish I could speak to her, sit down and have a real conversation! But it seems a little pointless, because she'll just stare off into space and won't even give me the time of day. Ugh! Why can't I just get to know her! Falling in love may be a bit off the table, but Haruuu, she's just so lovely to look at.” Lottie sighed, as she nibbled on a slice of shortbread. Haru stared at her wondering how on earth she could find that childish, self important woman attractive. He knows he's gay, but at least he understands that she's a total redflag. 

“I don't know how you got that impression of her, Hime-chan , she seems quite rude and garish. To be honest, I truly don't know what you see in her.” Haru sighed. Calmly standing to refill Lottie’s teacup of her pink rosehip tea. 

“But Haruu” Lottie groaned, leaning back in her chair with annoyance. “Haven't you seen her? She's beautiful - even with her constantly stoic expression!” 

“I have indeed seen her, Princess. I just dont think she's really all that tasteful.” Haru spoke calmly, trying to keep the annoyance out of his tone. 

“Oh you’re really no help at all!” Lottie stood, taking a step away from the table with more grace than than her expression would give away. “I want to love, Haru.” She said, staring up at the glass above her, her dress splaying out as she spun with hopelessness. “It doesn't have to be romantic, even if we never even try. I still want her. I know I sound stupid, Haru. But, how am I expected to rule by her side if we are not at least friends. I just want to love her as a friend, as a partner.” 

Her eyes were filled with plea as she spoke, the deep periwinkle of her sundress highlighting every emotion in her gaze. Ever the hopeless one. 

“Don't tell me you’re having an affair.” A voice spoke, its tone echoing through the atrium. Haru’s eyes immediately focused their attention on the short figure now walking through the doorway, into the room, a potted plant in their hands. 

“Binah!” Lottie said in surprise, clearly startled by the brunette's sudden appearance. “You scared me.” 

“My Apologies Lottie, I hadn't realized.” Binah said sweetly, placing her plant on a small table coated in similarly sized pots. “Now, may I ask who was able to ignite such a passionate speech? They must be someone extraordinary if they caught your fancy, Lottie.” 

Lottie huffed and sat back down at the table, avoiding the question. 

“Princess Eleanor has seemingly struck a chord in our Princess, and now she refuses to part with the idea that they could fall in love.” Haru said calmly, sipping his tea politely. 

Binah giggled before pulling a small stool over to the table. 

“Our Princess does love a good romance, doesn't she? Though, it's not unreasonable to want to find love in her future wife, so in all honesty, I don't understand how it's a problem.” Binah smiled, casually serving herself a cup of tea and indulging in a slice of cake. 

Lottie then perked up, sitting up straight to smile fondly at Binah who caught Lottie’s gaze and smiled back, her face dusted with crumbs. 

Haru stared at the two of them slightly exasperated, disbelief practically dripping off of him. 

“Have you met the Princess, Binah? She is brash and rude, how on earth is she suitable for someone such as Lottie.” 

“She is suited to love in the same way that your aloof, stubborn, and mysterious knight is.” Binah sighed. Haru choked on his tea at the sudden confrontation. Lottie exchanged a curious glance between the two of them, utterly bewildered. When Lottie went to speak however, Binah spoke again. “Besides, it doesn't matter much, she's betrothed. She doesn't actually have a choice in the matter. She is going to marry Princess Eleanor so she might as well fall in love. Haru, we both know how important our love is to us, and I don't believe a friendship forming between Lottie and Eleanor would do her any harm.” 

“Thank you Binah! You’re exactly right - as always!” Lottie grinned, smiling into her teacup. She suddenly felt a little lighter with the prospect of hope. Haru watched, unsure as to why he even bothered reasoning with her in the first place. 

Haru supposed he was jealous. Lottie found someone whom she fancies and she's already promised to them. It made him angry. Of course Lottie would be successful in her endeavor to fall in love. She was perfect. The way she laughed over the simplest things, the way her cheeks went rosy when she smiled, the way she spoke with so much certainty was so beautiful. Princess Eleanor would be a fool to turn someone so loveable away. Haru almost wished he was in love with Lottie. At Least he’d have the comfort of being accepted for his sexuality, and that she’d always be in his sight. But alas, he's in love with an aloof, stubborn, and mysterious knight who has him wrapped around his pinkie finger. He is in love with a knight he is forbidden from loving. Duty comes first, doesn't it?

Haru looked up from his tea and smiled at the sight of Lottie throwing her head back with laughter as Binah struggled to suppress her giggles. His gaze softened as a soft smile graced his features - the joy was too infectious. 

“You know Lottie,” Binah started, her laughter slowly calming. “You could always show interest in Eleanors passions. You should show that you care - take time to indulge in her, then you'll get to know her better.” 

“I hadn't thought of that!” Lottie exclaimed, a cheshire grin gracing her features. “I shall ask her to teach me to fight! She is an expert swordswoman of course! I will beg her to teach me, then she’ll have to talk to me!” She stood from her seat, unable to contain her joy. 

“But Lottie-” Haru started.

“Not one word of negativity Haru! That's my plan, and I’m sticking to it!”  Lottie exclaimed happily. 

“No Haru’s right. You already know how to fight, wouldn't it be better if you didn't lie to her Highness? Maybe you should just train together, like, casually.” Binah chirped, reading Haru’s mind instantly, much to Haru’s fright. How the hell she always knew what everyone was thinking was beyond him. 

“No. Then she's more likely to say no. I wanna be convincing!” Lottie sighed as she crossed her arms indignantly. 

Binah and Haru exchanged a knowing glance, unsure of how to tell her she was being stupid. 

✿ * ✿ * ✿ * ✿ * ✿

Ellie stared up at the ceiling of the hall, the only sound was the soft breeze drifting in through the large open windows lining the room. A sigh left her lips, her breath blowing a stray strand of hair from her face. 

The room always seemed larger when she looked up to greet the looming presence of the tall wooden beams of the ceiling. The cool metal of the piste beneath her back cooled her sweat and always managed to clear her mind. For a moment Ellie felt kind of stupid for ever giving the feeling.

“You know, I missed this.” Jamie spoke up beside her, sitting up from the floor. “It always felt so unnatural training without you. I hated every second that I was forced to practice with the men in the guard.” Ellie shot him a knowing glance, unmoving from her spot on the floor. “I’m not even joking! Seriously, it was a nightmare, Ellie.” Ellie snorted, sitting up from the floor, sweeping her hand through her hair as she did so, savoring the way her hair moved smoothly in its short length. 

“I can't believe you missed out on a year of practice and you’re not even rusty. How do you always manage to be better than me?” Jamie joked, trying but failing to make conversation. 

Ellie felt a little bad for being so distant over the past week, but she couldn't help it, she just didn't know what to say to him. Everything was just so wrong, out of control, and she didn't know how to process it. Of course, she wanted to go back to being friends with Jamie, hell, he was practically her brother. But how can she forgive him? How does she move on? She still felt betrayed. And it doesn't help that she has a princess who won't leave her be. Why can't she get over herself?

“Maybe you’ve just gotten worse, you were going easy on those school boys it seems.” Ellie taunted, a smirk rising to her face. 

“Harsh. It seems your cruelty has not rusted either.” Jamie’s hand rose to his chest to show he was wounded as he chuckled. Ellie could see the look of relief in his eyes as he spoke however, and for a moment she felt pity for him. Maybe she should at least pretend that she's happy, for the sake of Jamie? 

All Jamie has done for her is be there, and support her in every endeavor - except one. And even his one mistake had been one out of love, surely she could forgive him. In some way. Because she really was thankful for what he did, her heart was lifted at the thought of greeting her beautiful blond bride at the altar, but he also broke her heart, disregarded his promise and betrayed her. 

In truth, Ellie loved Jamie, but how does she look him in the eye after everything, after the arguments, the tears, the silence. What was left, was it repairable? Ellie didn't know. 

Her world was flipped and now everything she once knew was now on its axis. The girl of her dreams is her bride to be, and she and Jamie no longer speak. What would become of them should they continue? The idea only left crippling fear curling in her stomach. She wanted so desperately to love unconditionally, and now she could. She didnt have to confine herself to some gross childbearing lifestyle. She knows she should be grateful, but it wasn't that easy. 

“Jamie.” She didn't know why she was talking, her mouth moved without her saying so. 

“Hmm?” He hummed, sheathing his sword as he did so. 

“Have you ever been in love?” 

Shut up shut up shut up

“W-What?” Jamie coughed, startled by the very bold question. “In what way?”

“Romantic love?” Ellie sighed, unsure as to why she was continuing this perilous conversation. 

“Why? Do you have the hots for someone?” Jamie joked nervously, unsure as to where the conversation was going. Ellie only glared at him in return. 

“I suppose I have, yes. Well - ‘have’ isn't the right word. I should say, I am - in love that is.” Jamie stumbled, confused why he was being so honest, especially when he and Ellie really hadn't spoken in a week.  

“What?!” Ellie locked eyes with Jamie, not quite believing her ears. “You’re in love? With who? What? How could you not have told me? Is it mutual? How long have you known?” Ellie interrogated, her silence as unwavering as a leaf in the autumn breeze. 

Jamie didn't really know how to respond. Should he tell Ellie about Haru? Of course she'd be annoyed that he’d kept him from her, but he couldn't keep continuing to lie to her, could he? After everything?

“I've actually been in a relationship with a boy for about eight months…” 

“Eight months?” Ellie repeated quietly, her voice wavering slightly. “Why didn't you tell me? Who is he?” He could hear the heartbreak in her voice, but he continued, refusing to express his own  emotions. 

“Sir Hinamori, or uh, Haru. He’s-”

“Lottie’s personal guard…” Ellie interrupted, finishing Jamie's sentence with her own gasped realization. “You- You love him? You’re in love with him?” Ellie didn't know why this was making her upset, but she couldn't help it, after everything, there were always more secrets, more lies Jamie kept from her. “Why? How?-”

“We met shortly after your engagement was announced, and we started writing letters to each other. At first it was mainly advice about running the royal guard, as he and I share similar positions in court, but after a while we… well, we fell in love.” Jamie didn't know what more to say, he knew it was wrong to have kept yet another secret from Ellie, but this one he swore he would protect. “When he proposed our um, companionship, we both agreed we wouldn't tell either you or Charlotte as we knew our duties came first, and the two of you are just so hopeless that we weren't sure we would be able to have both each other and our positions.” Ellie opened her mouth to speak until Jamie quickly interjected. 

“Of course, I’d never put him above you Ellie, you are my one focus in life. Please dont think otherwise. I hardly ever see him - you must believe me. I've never abandoned my duty to you ever, and I shall not start.” Jamie’s face suddenly paled in fear. “Just please, do not make me abandon him. Ellie, I-I refuse to part with him, I-I love him.” He could feel a tear roll down his cheek. He didn't really know why he was causing such a display of emotions, maybe it was because he's been so stoic, so focused, so stressed this past week, that he couldn't help but cry. 

Ellie drew in a shaky breath, trying to process what she’d heard. She was angry that he’d kept such a large secret from her, but she was overjoyed that he was finally, finally thinking of something other than her. 

“Tell me.” Ellie spoke, her voice calmer than she’d ever thought it could be. “Why do you believe that you are unworthy of anything but me?” Jamie looked up to meet her gaze, forcefully wiping the tear from his cheek. “Do you truly think that my life, my title, this palace, is all you’ll ever have to cherish? Do you think I would tell you to throw away something so precious? I know you think of me to have unrusted cruelty, but am I truly so terrible?” Ellie asked, terrified of the answer. 

“No- I-I just. We just- We had thought it better to stay a secret, I only ask that you let us continue our secret. I was so terrified that once you’d heard the last of my lies, you’d be so sick of them that you'd order me to throw it away.” Jamie stumbled, struggling to find words of his redemption. 

“Jamie. Do you think you could live without him?” Ellie asked, not out of command, but out of curiosity. 

“No. I believe that a life without him wouldn't be much of a life at all. He is truly for whom I live and breathe.” Jamie answered, so honestly, so selfishly. Ellie honestly felt like laughing at the statement. Who knew her stubborn big bro could end up swooning for someone. At the same time however, she almost felt jealous that Jamie had something she could only ever dream of, something so pure and beautiful. It was truly bittersweet. 

“Then I would never dream of separating the two of you.” Ellie smiled softly, trying not to cry herself at the sight of Jamie's tears. It made her angry that he was so happy, so in love, but how could she ever stop something so beautiful? She’d be a fool for even trying. “Feel free to see him whenever you wish, of course you must still keep up your duties as head of the guard, but I shall see to it that your attendant duties are lesser than.” 

Jamie smiled, and suddenly Ellie’s anger floated away. His grin was truly a rare sight and could make anyone feel like buying a raffle ticket. However, it only lasted a moment before his grin turned into a small smirk. 

“You know, Haru and I would be able to see eachother much more often if you decided to see the princess more often?” Jamie asked, hope laced thickly in his tone. 

“Don't push your luck.” Ellie groaned, falling back to lay on the piste once again, her heart feeling a little lighter than before.