Archive of Our Own ^beta

“O isa pa, yung mas dikit pa kayo,” Ariella’s mother instructed as she struggled to keep her phone steady and take at least one good shot for the night. Gelo had a feeling that the previous thousand ones she took were all blurry, if not taken at the exact moment when he blinked or paused to fix his hair.

Ariella seemed to be over the moon about this however, and she gladly shuffled closer towards him. Gelo had no choice but to put his arm around her waist, although just barely touching.

It was their school’s most awaited senior prom night, but Gelo would rather be anywhere else. To be honest, he would very much prefer curling up in bed to review his notes for the upcoming college entrance exam. But here he was, smiling through gritted teeth as he tried to be a normal enthusiastic fourth year student who was about to experience his supposedly “best night ever.”

Gelo’s phone chimed loudly, and after silently thanking the heavens for the distraction, he proceeded to excuse himself while Ariella did some finishing touches to her look. He found a message from Mikki, and he suddenly felt his stomach drop.

Gelo and Mikki entered sophomore year together at around mid-September as transferees from different schools. They didn’t know each other at that time, but it was a huge relief to go through the awkward phase of being the new guy with someone else. In a place where everyone already knew where they belonged, Gelo found himself by Mikki’s side and wanted to stay. And so he did.

The boys easily became best friends, until there was no longer Gelo without Mikki. They ate lunch together, studied together, even joined the same clubs despite the fact that Mikki wasn’t much of a dancer and Gelo wasn’t a fan of basketball. They had even reached the point of making plans to go to the same local university for college, until an unforeseen event hit Gelo’s life.

Suddenly his estranged father was back in the picture, and the man had graciously offered to fund Gelo’s tertiary education at a prestigious university in Manila. Every fiber of him screamed to decline the offer, but he knew that good schools gave you a better chance at landing on a decent job, and he had his mom and younger siblings to support. In the end it was more sensible to accept his father’s proposal, but he did so with a heavy heart.

In the whirl of final exams, career orientations, and rigorous dance troupe trainings, Gelo still didn’t get the chance to tell Mikki about the change in his plan. He had a feeling that the latter would take it badly, and he didn’t want him to get mad at him. The only time they ever fought was when Gelo came over to Mikki’s house and accidentally ate his whole share of laing.

Mikki:

Where are you? My partner just ran away to meet-up with his boyfriend. Lol. Di ko rin makita sina Aki. Malapit na seven.

Gelo decided to push the problem to the back of his mind and deal with it later on. He hoped that tonight’s big event would be enough to distract him.

Gelo:

Otw na siguro in a while, kakatapos lang ng photoshoot :/

Mikki:

Naks! Patingin ako. You went for the black tux right? Please tell me you did.

Gelo:

Secret para surprise haha geh, drive muna me

Mikki:

Okay. You take care.

“The hell are you smiling about?” Ariella’s voice snapped Gelo to attention, and he half-heartedly turned to her.

“Nothing. Ready ka na? Tara.”

The ride towards campus with his draw lots chosen date felt like a long one, but he was thankful that Ariella was too full of herself to give him her entire attention.

“You should feel extremely lucky,” she said the moment he took her hand to help her out of the car. “You came with the future prom queen.”

Gelo couldn’t help but give her a once over, eyes bored, and simply shrugged. He guessed she looked fairly okay, but he just wasn’t...interested.

“Ang pangit mo ka-bonding alam mo ba yun?” Ariella exclaimed almost heatedly, extracting her hand from Gelo’s loose grip. “Kung iba yung gusto mong ka-date ngayon pwes wala kang magagawa. You’re stuck with me the whole night.”

Did Gelo want another date? Definitely not. If it had been okay to come with friends then he would have gone with Mikki.

“Well, you’re wrong,” Gelo countered. “Dance troupe ako, remember? We’re performing tonight so technically I don’t get to be stuck with you the whole time.”

Ariella rolled her eyes so hard that Gelo flinched. “Now I get it. Kung bakit wala kang girlfriend sa gwapo mong yan. Napakasuplado mo pala. Bahala ka nga diyan!”

And with that she stormed away, grabbing a handful of her flowing gown on each side so that she could walk faster. Gelo let out a relieved breath, glad to be left alone. He glanced at his wristwatch to check the time and it was still eight minutes to go til their call time, but he could already hear his dance coach lecturing him about the importance of punctuality. He hurried to join the growing crowd that was filing into the function hall as he looked around for any sign of Mikki or someone else he knew, but they were probably already gathered backstage so he decided to quicken his pace.

Gelo found Mikki at the secluded area near the stage, and he could see that he was trying to run through their choreo for the last time, eyebrows scrunched up in concentration as he recalled the steps in much slighter movements. He watched him for a while, smile tugging at the corner of his lips, still in awe of how far Mikki had come in his dancing skills. He was wearing a nude tux over a cinnamon dress shirt, his wavy hair purposely left untamed, and his silver cross earring caught the light each time he moved.

Gelo could still remember seeing Mikki for the first time, the timid guy who entered the faculty room looking so unsure of himself, his uniform a little too big for him, an oversized backpack slung over his shoulder. He remembered his messy hair that he tried to flatten nervously every chance he got. He remembered the way he smiled hesitantly at him as he took his seat beside him that day, the expression mixed with relief and solace. Thank God I’m not alone, it said. The words weren’t uttered aloud, but Gelo heard it anyway because he felt the same, and so he had smiled back.

And now Gelo was going to leave him alone, fuck, he had to move to Manila in a few months time and he still hadn’t told Mikki. His heart hurt just thinking about it, because who would remind him to eat if he was training too hard? Who would treat him to ice cream after losing a basketball match? Who would remind him to study if he watched too much anime? Who would—

“Gelo!” Mikki’s voice pulled him out from his reverie, and he had no choice but to push down his thoughts as he watched him approach him excitedly. “You really did go for the black one! Black on black! I feel like I’m already talking to the prom king,” he teased, playfully gesturing as if he was placing an imaginary crown over Gelo’s head.

“Sira, baka ikaw siguro diyan,” Gelo replied, eyes straying for a moment on Mikki’s exposed chest from leaving three buttons open, before hastily bringing them back up. It didn’t help, because now he had to stare at his face, accentuated by very minimal makeup that still made him glow even under the dim lights. He felt his heart rate pick up its pace, and Gelo hoped this was only because they were going to perform their routine any minute now.

Sure enough they were called by their coach to gather as a group, and they greeted the three other troupe members that joined them: Aki, JL, and Nate. Nate was still in the freshman year, but his dancing prowess was on the next level, so he was allowed to perform even in a junior-senior event. They huddled closer for a short prayer, went for a quick group hug, then proceeded to take their places on stage.

The cheers from the crowd was deafening, and out of the corner of his eye Gelo could make out Ariella’s sour look among the sea of faces that he almost laughed. And then it suddenly hit him that this would probably be his last performance as a member of the dance troupe, and he wondered if they had a similar club like this in his new school. But then it wouldn’t really matter, because he’d only be there to study for his future, but his home was here. He felt a soothing touch on his shoulder, and he didn’t need to look back to know that it was Mikki, his grounding presence steadying him. He tapped him back as the music began to play, and Gelo danced along like it was his last.

The performance went smoothly, and they were asked to go back to their rightful seats beside their respective dates. Gelo lagged behind, because there was no way he’d go back to Ariella.

“You don’t want to go back?” Mikki asked, falling back to walk alongside him as he wiped sweat off his brow.

“Hell no,” Gelo said automatically, still slightly out of breath from the performance. “Ikaw?”

“Mas lalo na,” Mikki scoffed. “Baka mabugbog pa ako. Yung boyfriend ni Justine mukhang maton.”

“So anong plano?” Gelo felt the need to ask, even though he could already see the answer begin to form on the other’s expression.

“Let’s go outside? Same place?” Mikki replied, smirking slightly.

“Hintayin natin dinnertime then let’s sneak out habang busy sila lahat,” Gelo said.

“G.”

Around twenty minutes later Mikki stood waiting in the dark hallways, leaning casually against the vending machine with two cans of coke in hand. He looked around the moment he heard faint footsteps approaching, and sure enough Gelo appeared moments later, holding what looked like bulky paper napkins.

“What took you so long?” Mikki asked. “Si Ariella ba?”

“No way,” Gelo replied. “Eto o nagbalot ako ng shanghai. Tsaka empanada na rin. Sayang naman ambag natin sa food kung gugutumin lang tayo.”

Mikki laughed, and Gelo wished he could trap the sound for him to listen to while he’d be gone. He wished he didn’t have to go in the first place, but he guessed life rarely turned out the way you want it to anyway. You would always be powerless against its tides, so you continue to sail along, but it wouldn’t matter as long as you knew which way was home.

“Gelo, okay ka lang?” Mikki asked, a trace of worry already evident in his voice. “You kept spacing out kanina pa. Is it.. about your dad?”

Gelo wished that was all it really was.

“No, not really,” he sighed. “Tara na?”

Mikki nodded as he offered his hand and Gelo took it without hesitation. He led the way as they navigated the dark hallways as silently as possible, with Gelo’s hand still trapped tightly in his. Gelo clung on, and in that moment he was almost certain that no matter where life would take him, he’d come home to wherever Mikki was.

He was his Polaris, that one constant thing that remained steady and unyielding even as the rest of the skies changed and shifted around him.

“We’re here,” Mikki announced breathlessly after they climbed the last set of steps that led to the school’s rooftop. This had been their safe space for the past years,  a silent witness to how their friendship blossomed, a quiet listener to all of their secrets, hopes, and dreams.

“Kain tayo?” Gelo offered, still hyperaware that they were still holding each other’s hand, but it seemed like neither of them wanted to let go.

Mikki cleared his throat as if suddenly realizing something, and he slowly pulled his hand away. “Yeah, let’s. Baka humunit na yung shanghai sayang naman.”

He made his way towards the concrete ledge and pulled himself up, adjusting his grip to steady himself.

“Mikki,” Gelo warned. “Mag-ingat ka ha malayong bagsak yan.”

Mikki only shrugged as he tossed the can of coke to Gelo without warning. The latter caught it, pried it open, and took a long swig. Mikki motioned for him to come closer, and he did, handing over the food he managed to grab from the buffet table. Gelo only leaned against the ledge, not trusting his reflexes enough to not fall over if he pulled himself up.

Under the blanket of stars with the booming party music still audible in the background, they ate and drank in comfortable silence, and Gelo watched Mikki hum in contentment, the night casting shadows across his face. Suddenly he thought what they said about prom night was true: it was something you’d carry with you forever.

“So?” Mikki said, suddenly breaking the silence.

“So ano?” Gelo asked nonchalantly, averting his eyes from Mikki and focusing instead on the peeling paintworks of the building.

“Spill, Gelo,” Mikki ordered, and Gelo knew there was no escaping this. He gripped the empty can tightly until it was crushed between his fingers, and he sighed deeply as he threw it across the ground.

“Remember when I told you my dad suddenly came back?” Gelo started, his voice coming out low as he swallowed past the lump in his throat.

Mikki nodded silently, waiting for him to continue.

“Hindi lang siya pumunta dito para bumisita,” he carried on. “I mean..he had a purpose. He offered to fund my college tuition to a school in Manila. Sa Ateneo.”

The silence that followed seemed to stretch on forever, and Gelo didn’t have the heart to look at Mikki. Even if he was about two feet away, he could already feel the storm raging inside of him.

“And?” Mikki asked sharply after a long while.

The change in his tone was evident, and suddenly Gelo couldn’t breathe. His next words felt like daggers to his throat, but he had to let them out.

“I said yes,” he let out in a whisper.

“Okay,” Mikki replied coldly.

“Ayun lang? Wala kang sasabihin?”

“Ano pang sasabihin ko eh mukhang nakapagdesisyon ka naman na.”

There was a sudden sound of aluminum crumpling, and the mutilated can landed right next to the one Gelo had thrown earlier with a loud clang.

“Since when were you hiding this from me?” Mikki asked, trying to sound as cold as possible, but the hurt in his tone was more evident now, and Gelo felt his heart clench.

“I..I was waiting for the right time,” Gelo said.

“And you thought now was the right t-time?”

Mikki’s voice broke at the last word, and Gelo finally had the courage to look at him. His Polaris, the usual light in his eyes extinguished, now replaced by glistening tears.

Gelo felt his heart shatter into a million tiny pieces, because Michael Claver Jr. never cried. Not when they watched The Notebook together during a lazy night and Gelo had finished a whole roll of tissue to dry his tears. Not when he was practically yelling in pain after dislocating his knee during intramurals. Not even when he came knocking on Gelo’s front door at 1a.m., breathless and ash-faced, during the night that his father stormed out of their house and left them for good.

Gelo surged forward so that he was now facing Mikki, his hands immediately coming up to rest on each of his side to make sure that he didn’t fall over. He had always been a few inches taller than him so this angle was new, with Mikki looking down at him from where he was still seated on top of the ledge, his lips trembling in an effort to stop the sob that was threatening to come out. Gelo expected him to be mad, not broken. He really fucked everything up big time.

“I’m sorry, Mikki,” he whispered as his tears flowed freely because he was never really good at stopping them. Mikki scoffed, hands leaving his grip on the ledge in an attempt to push him away so that Gelo immediately bracketed his sides protectively.

“Just leave already, Gelo!” He exclaimed. “Aalis ka rin naman diba? Might as well do it now!”

“Please,” Gelo begged. “Ayokong ganito tayo, Mikki.”

“Just fucking leave!” Mikki cried, forcefully pushing him further away, and Gelo was terrified that he’d fall over.

“Mikki ano ba! Gusto mo bang mahulog ha?!”

“Oh so now you care?” He asked heatedly.

“Of course I fucking do!”

Gelo was shouting now, and the confession that had been sitting at the tip of his tongue since forever threatened to slip out of him, but he held it back because there would be some other time for that.

“No, you don’t!” Mikki insisted.

Mikki suddenly raised his arms enough to show him his ring-adorned fingers, and Gelo didn’t understand why.

“Does this make sense to you, ha, Gelo?” Mikki spat, waving his left hand in front of the other’s face. “Wearing two identical rings?”

Gelo was at a loss for words, but in the darkness of the night he could make out two silver rings with a black stone engraved in the center.

“I was saving the other one for you,” he said hoarsely, trying to blink his tears away. “On our graduation day I was supposed to—” Mikki cut himself off. “Never mind, it doesn’t matter now. I think I got my answer anyway.”

He shimmied out of Gelo’s caging arms and hopped off the ledge gracefully, feet landing on the ground with a loud thud. Mikki walked away without another word, kicking the discarded cans as he passed, leaving a stunned Gelo staring after him.

His Polaris, losing his shine as he was swallowed by the shadows.

Gelo’s mind tried to process everything Mikki just said, not quite fully understanding it. Did it mean what he thought it meant? Fuck, he had to stop him—

Gelo hurried down the steps, stumbling slightly in his haste, but Mikki didn’t go far. He found him leaning against the railing of the bottom steps, and he looked up when he heard Gelo approach, the tear tracks on his face shimmering like comet tails.

“Mikki..” Gelo began, and he took it as a good sign that he didn’t push him away. He brought his hand hesitantly to his face, thumb lightly tracing the remnants of his tears to wipe them away. “Please, I—”

There was a sudden rustling noise behind them, and they both turned to see the silhouette of a man aiming his flashlight at anything he could reach. Gelo cursed out loud and he instinctively dragged Mikki by the hand towards the rooftop again. As if burned, the latter pulled his hand away the moment they reached the top, and he proceeded to sit on the ground with his back resting against the concrete.

“Let’s stay here for a while until the guard finishes his rounds,” Mikki said, eyes casted downwards and refusing to look at Gelo.

Gelo hesitated for a moment before finally settling down beside Mikki, although he made sure to keep a considerable distance between them.

“Let’s talk?” He asked hopefully, but Gelo heard Mikki sigh deeply.

“There’s nothing left to talk about,” Mikki said. “It would hurt less this way, I swear.”

“But no isn’t my answer,” Gelo blurted out, and Mikki snapped his head towards him so quickly he thought he heard a crack.

“Then what—?”

Gelo shuffled nearer to close the gap between them, bringing his right hand up to gently cup his jaw.

“Stop me if this isn’t what you want,” he whispered, barely an inch away from the other’s lips.

But it was everything that Mikki had ever wanted, so he surged forward to seal what little distance was left between them and crashed their lips together. Gelo sighed into the kiss, his other hand finding the other’s waist, fingers digging almost painfully to his side to pull him impossibly closer still.

His Polaris, tasting like the stars and galaxies.

The need to breathe suddenly came up, but Gelo didn’t totally pull away just yet. He rested his forehead against Mikki’s so that they remained nose to nose, his breath still fanning the other’s lips.

“I’m in love with you,” Gelo whispered, just soft enough for Mikki to hear. “I have always been for God knows how long. I guess it was when you joined the dance club and got better at it so you could be with me.”

“But you’re still leaving,” Mikki said.

“I have to,” Gelo almost sighed. “Gagawin ko para kina mama. Sana maintindihan mo?”

He felt Mikki nod against him. “I do. I’m sorry if I got mad. I just—I just thought you didn’t care enough to stay.”

“You know that’s the furthest thing from the truth,” Gelo said. “I may be leaving but I’m not taking my heart with me. It’s yours now. It has always been.”

“Then take this too,” Mikki said as he gently moved away from Gelo’s grasp so he could take the ring off himself and slip it into the other’s index finger. “So you know I’m always with you wherever you may be.”

It fit Gelo perfectly, and they stared silently at their matching rings for a long while.

“Sino kayang nanalong prom king ngayong wala ka dun?” Mikki suddenly wondered aloud, breaking the silence between them.

“Dunno,” Gelo shrugged. “But in the event that I have won, I would have given the award to you. Not that I’m biased, but you’ve always been the most beautiful for me.”

Gelo closed his eyes as he leaned in for another soft kiss. And when he pulled away to open them, he was met with the most breathtaking view.

His Polaris, eyes and smile equally ablaze, and the only one he’ll ever see.