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English
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Published:
2022-08-11
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796
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1/1
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No Chance! No way!

Summary:

Light Yagami may or may not have a crush and Ryuk is a little shit about it.

Notes:

I had writer's block and rewatched Hercules. One thing lead to another and yeah.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Light plops down onto his bed and kicks his feet excitedly.

"Fun time, huh?" Ryuk asks.

"Yeah, yeah. Ryuuzaki has good taste, actually, I'll remember that bakery in the future."

"Actually, there's no apple pie. No point."

"There's better things," Light says.

"Excuse me, there is nothing better than apple pie."

"There are many many things that are better. I'm not even going to bother arguing any further."

"I can write your name down, Light Yagami."

"But you won't. It will be very very boring."

Ryuk grumbles in response to his statement.

"I never thought Ryuuzaki would be well-versed in art history. He talks about it in the way only an expert could," Light says.

"You've got a crush."

"Why the fuck should I? He's... a little... well, come on! He's L!"

"Defensive much?"

"I cannot like men."

"Oh, so the situation is a 'cannot'? So you do but you cannot?"

"Shut up. I do not like men."

"Spell your last name backward."

"What?"

"Spell it."

"Uhm. I... am.. a gay?"

"Congratulations. Knew you had it in you!"

"What? Motherfucker, I was spelling my name backward. By your logic, that would imply my parents are gay which they are not considering they are happily married together."

"Right."

"He's L. Like, my mortal enemy."

"Ooh, even saucier," says Ryuk, tossing an apple in the air.

"Shut up or I'm taking away the apples."

"Then I'll kill you."

"Then you'll return to the Shinigami world and be stuck eating that world's apples again."

"I will kill you, though, just you wait. I'll get payback."

Light hugged a pillow and says, "But being Kira is ... You know, I will be the savior of this world and that may mean I will have to make sacrifices like my ever falling in love. There is no room in my heart. I am completely unable of 'falling in love' nor do I care nor will I ever care for it."

"You have lied about many many things in your life, Light Yagami. You are a bitchass liar."

"Nobody is worth the agony of love, you know. It is a stupid emotion."

"But who do you think you're kidding? He's completely everything to you, he's your enemy and equal and you would love to kiss his-"

"I would not like to kiss his soft lips. Fuck off."

"Never mentioned they were soft but 'kayyyyyyyyy."

"It's a dumb feeling. I'm impressed he's smart as me. I have an intellectual equal for once but it is a rival and I will crush him and I have never felt more excited ever. I want to kill him even if it means choking that life out of him with my hands. I want to kill him. I want him to die."

"Necrophilic fetishes, huh?"

"No! That's disgusting. I mean, I want to kill him. That disproves that I'm in love with him or something dumb like that."

"No, this is even further evidence. I can see right through you that you have developed a crush or... more."

"No."

"Just say it."

"No chance, no way. I will never ever say it. Because it's not true. False. Lies. You are bullshitting."

"Light Yagami, you turned eighteen a few months ago. Face it like a grown up, he got you having those feelings. Feeling excited? Emotionally... sexually...."

"Lying. You. Are. Lying. He's interesting, alright, I was surprised he would be more than simply a letter and more than simply a detective."

"Give up defending yourself," Ryuk cries, flapping his hands around.

Light buries his face into the pillow with no response.

"Your face is red. Give up, give in, you homosexual. Mr. 'Imagay'."

"That wasn't..." Light rubs his nose into the pillow. "It was not a confession."

"Be proud, look at you two; a cute couple. Just say it."

"Say what? I am only capable of saying the truth."

"That is yet another lie in the long long list of lies you've ever said, Yagami."

"Fuck you."

"Say that 'L is the only equal to me; intellectually and emotionally, and he excites me because finally there is someone I value the opinion of and he interests me as a human being and I want to suck his dick."

"I'm not adding the last part. That thought is unappealing. Very."

"So everything else I said is true though?"

"I refuse to answer that, Ryuk," Light says and tosses an apple into Ryuk's mouth. "Shut up now."

And he did.

Light turns over on his side and opens his phone camera with photos of, not L (seeing as he didn't allow that), but what they ate like cake and pastries and the occasional shot of L's beautiful pale hands.

At least, out loud, thinks Light, I won't say I'm in love.

Notes:

Please leave a comment if you liked it! It's not actually that good so I don't like it but nice comments really do matter to me (I reread them...) so if you have the time, please consider commenting or if you don't know how to, you could just leave a "OIHFAOIGAIOHGOIAH" LOL