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Chapter Text

La’an could not wait for the Enterprise to reach Vulcan as she had had enough of their ‘guests’. Ambassador Syvar and his son Torrin were a pain in her ass. She had assumed they’d remain in their quarters for the week and half long journey. Most Vulcans she had met preferred to use their time efficiently and found pageantry unbearable. 

But these two seemed to soak it all up, the long tours of the ship, the long winded discussions of their scientific and medical studies. The crew dinner that Ambassador Syvar commented on as a ‘quaint’ concept. It sounded like a backhanded compliment but Captain Pike didn’t take offence. 

She had to sit through the majority of it as chief of security because of the status of their guests. 

Only four more days… she thought with a tired sigh. It was late in the evening as she sat in the mess hall with a cup of coffee. She had spent the last few hours getting caught up on the backlog of work.

“Good evening, Lt Noonien Singh.” Torrin said in greeting, his calm voice grated on her nerves. She had hoped for at least 8 hours without his or Ambassador Syvar’s presence. 

“Torrin, is everything ok?” La’an asked, she looked up to find him standing over her.  

“Yes, may I join you?” he asked in a stoic yet polite manner.

“Of course.” She said politely, though she really didn’t want him to sit with her at all. But she couldn’t be rude to him as he was a guest and Captain Pike had ordered them to ‘play nice’. She placed her work to the side as she had a feeling she wasn’t going to get any work done. 

“I had hoped in the last couple of days that we could speak privately.” Torrin said, he inclined his head slightly, a faint smile on his lips.

“You have?” La’an asked calmly, she didn’t like that they were alone in the mess so late at night together. She knew logically, she was safe but La’an didn’t feel comfortable with the setting nor how he looked at her right now. It felt inappropriate, somehow.

“Yes, this is difficult for me to share.” Torrin said, he looked down at his hands.

Then don’t… she thought drily as she remained silent.

“But I find myself quite enthralled by you.” he told her, he looked back up at her with an intense look.

La’an was speechless as that was the last thing she expected or wanted to hear. She thought back on all their interactions to see if she gave him the wrong idea. She found no fault in her comportment as she had been professional and completely impersonal. 

“I would like to take this opportunity to declare koon-ut so'lik, my desire to become your mate. I see your confusion, allow me to simplify it. In human terms, I am proposing marriage. Do you accept?” he asked bluntly.

“No.” La’an blurted, she cleared her throat as she realised how rude she had sounded. “I apologise for my blunt answer. I am flattered but I have to decline.” she clarified, she didn’t need to be embroiled in a diplomatic scandal.

“May I ask why?” he asked, his features pinched in annoyance. It was unsettling to see a Vulcan show so much emotion.

“Because I’m not interested in mating with anyone and I’m an augment which makes me an unsuitable match.” she said politely, hoping he'd see the logic of her argument given Vulcans and their propensity to mate within their own species. Torrin looked thoughtful for half a second.

“We can still perform the bonding, I am a patient man, a human marriage can come later. As to your argument of being an unsuitable match, I disagree. Your augment genes make you stronger and more intelligent than the average human. Thus suitable as a far superior mate to a human.” he said, La’an wondered what kind of fucked up logic he was using where it was acceptable to ignore her wishes. 

“Torrin, I am flattered but I am not interested in marrying or mating you.” She stated. She decided she’d take whatever punishment Captain Pike felt she was due given she felt this situation was spiralling out of her control.

“You are lying,” Torrin stated firmly.

“I am not.” La’an assured him.

“I have scented your arousal while you were in my presence these past few days.” He said.

“What?” she asked, shocked at his statement as it was a blatant lie. Sure, he was an attractive man but she did not like him, nor did she feel aroused in his presence. She had no idea what he was smelling but his interpretation was wrong.

“Vulcans have a strong sense of smell. I can smell it even now.” Torrin said, he didn’t seem swayed by her denial.

“I am not aroused.” She told him in a cold manner.

“You lie, but your body does not. It is ready for mating.” Torrin told her.

“I am going to pretend you did not say that to me, I’ll leave you to your tea.” she told him, she rose from her chair to leave. She felt it would be safer to remove herself from his presence before she gave into the urge to break his nose.

“But I have not presented my full argument yet. If you listened to my logic, you would agree to mate with me.” Torrin told her, he rose from his chair and stood before her.

“I don’t need to hear it as my mind is made up.” La’an told him.

“If you won’t listen then I will force you to see the truth.” He said, she barely had time to react before he grabbed her face, his fingers dug into the back of her scalp. She would’ve fought back but a blinding pain lanced through her skull. She cried out in agony as she panicked and tried to rip his hands off her.

“Don’t fight it.” He scolded her, the pain overwhelmed her. Adrenaline charged through her system, somewhere in that moment he moved in closer. Euphoria washed over her as her body tried to block out the pain. La'an could feel herself growing weak.

She acted fast as she grabbed onto his robes and kneed him in the groin. Hard. His hands reflexively dropped from her head, her vision momentarily clouded with specks and stars. She was vaguely aware of herself, she shoved him away from her. He stumbled over his chair and fell, his head made a sickening thud as it connected with the edge of the table. 

La’an backed away from him, the pain in her skull dulled to a light ache but everything felt distant. She couldn’t quite feel her own body or breathe. Instinct drove her to move, to get to safety. She slowly staggered out of the mess hall. Her legs felt like they were made of jelly, sweat poured down her face, she wiped at her face and stared at the blood on her hand. She needed to get to her quarters before she was seen. She needed to be where she felt safe. To hide from this mess, but luck was not on her side as she saw Nurse Chapel and Ortegas a few feet ahead of her.

She tried to turn, but she tripped over her own feet. She fell to the floor and grunted from the pain and annoyance. She saw her blood smear across the perfectly polished and pristine white floor.

“Lt Noonien Singh!” Chapel called out in concern. La’an heard their footsteps and within seconds she was rolled onto her back.  “What happened?” she asked.

La’an winced when Chapel gently rolled her onto her back. It seemed even the lightest of movements sent sharp stabbing pains across La'an's skull.

“I'll call sickbay for an emergency transport and security,” Ortegas said, La'an heard the woman run for the nearest comm panel.

“Lieutenant, talk to me.” Chapel said, she grabbed La’an’s hand. La’an swallowed hard as she tried to find the energy to speak and but no words came out. Her vision was clouding with specks and stars as her body grew heavy.

“La’an?” Chapel prompted but La’an didn’t answer as she lost consciousness.

Chapter Text

La’an came to in a sluggish manner, it took her a few moments to see she was in sickbay. The room was too bright, too sterile that it hurt her eyes. Pressure built behind her eyes and across her forehead as it travelled over her skull and down her spine. It hurt, frankly everything hurt. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Chapel hovering over her.

“Doctor, she is waking up,” Chapel said.

“Ok, I’m nearly finished here.” M’Benga said, La’an turned her head and saw Torrin sitting on the biobed next to hers. M’Benga appeared to be repairing the damage to the back of his head. Ambassador Syvar and Captain Pike stood next to his bed. The two men looked deeply displeased.

“We were having a pleasant conversation when someone attacked us. I tried to defend the Lieutenant and was thrown, I hit my head and lost consciousness.” Torrin told them.

His words filtered through her brain, they didn’t sound right. Memories in her mind were vague and hard to separate. But La’an knew he was wrong. She opened her mouth to speak, to object to what he was saying. But her mouth struggled to move and the words were all a jumbled mess.

“Did you recognise the attacker?” Chris asked Torrin.

“No, it all happened so fast. Is Lt Noonien-Singh well? She appears rather pale.” Torrin said. he looked at La’an, his expression held a vague hint of concern while his eyes were intense.

A familiar splitting pain jackknifed through her head. The pain was so intense it brought tears to her eyes. She scrunched her face and gasped in pain as it felt like her face was being ripped open. 

“Her vitals are skyrocketing!” Chapel said, alarms started blaring and lights started flashing red. It was too much, she heard M’Benga order a sedative and mentally screamed ‘no’ but the words did not sound out of her mouth. She felt the hypospray press hard against her skin. Everything faded to black as she slipped into unconsciousness. 

A couple hours later, La’an drifted back into consciousness. Everything felt rather calm yet very disconnected on the surface level. But underneath the calm facade was a dark, oily, viscous presence sliding over her mind and the back of her head and shoulders. It weighed heavily on her, it zapped her strength. It was almost like the sensation of having someone standing close behind her, breathing down her neck. Pressing down on her.

“Doctor, she’s awake.” Una called out, she came into La’an’s line of vision, “Hey, you’re ok.” she assured her, La’an swallowed her nausea as nothing felt ok. 

“I have to go.” La’an slurred, her body pulled itself up as she felt almost like a puppet on strings rather than being in control of her own body. She looked down to see her uniform gone, they had dressed her sickbay pyjamas. “These are the wrong colours.” she murmured, the words didn’t feel like they were own. The words came out of her mouth but she hadn’t been thinking them.

“What?” Una asked her, La’an looked at her in confusion.

“What?” La’an asked her.

“Don’t worry, it’s the sedatives talking.” M’Benga said as he came to La’an bedside. He started looking at the screens behind her.

“You sedated me?” La’an asked, she didn’t remember sedatives ever feeling like this.

“It was necessary, otherwise you would have gone into cardiac arrest.” M’Benga frowned as he read her vitals. “Your vitals and BP are quite high even on sedation. I’ve never seen anything like it before.” he said.

“La’an, do you remember what happened to you?” Una asked.

“I-” she frowned as she tried to unscramble her thoughts to answer the question. The answer was there, but that dark viscous presence pushed in. Whatever her mind tried to grasped slipped away, “Why am I here?” La’an asked them, fear washed through her as she hadn’t felt this lack of control in years. 

“You’re suffering from neurochemical and hormonal dysregulation. It's overtaxing your heart. Do you remember what happened to you?” M’Benga asked, La’an looked at him but barely registered his words but caught his question.

“I don’t know.” La’an said, a shiver passed over her skin. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up on end, she involuntarily looked over her shoulder. She saw nothing that would explain why she felt like she was being watched. She just needed to get out of sickbay. It felt too exposed, she felt too exposed as she felt vulnerable in her current state.

“It’s ok, just take a moment.” Una said, she and M’Benga looked at La’an with great concern. Una rested a hand on her shoulder. It felt so alien to La’an, like it shouldn’t belong.

“I don’t know.” La’an mumbled, she winced as barely touched her scalp and pain streaked through her head. She heard the whirring of the medical machinery, the sound grated on her raw nerves. “Hey, stop scanning and touching me!” she snapped.

“La’an, calm down. It’s a dermal regenerator. I asked them to wait until you were awake, so we could talk about what happened to you.” Una told her.

“You promised me I’d never be drugged against my will! What happened to me?! Where are my clothes?!” La’an demanded, she couldn’t remember why she was in sickbay. It was so hard to concentrate. She rubbed at the back of her neck, but that dark viscous sensation on her skin remained. If anything it felt like it was burrowing deeper into her.

“La’an, I need you to focus on me.” Una told her.

“I could reverse the effects of the sedative, but I don’t think it would be wise.” M’Benga said in a low voice to Una.

“I think I’m going to be sick.” La’an admitted, she felt the bile rising in her throat. A vomit bag was in her hands quick, Una pulled La’an’s hair out of her face as she leaned forward. La’an gulped in air while waiting for her stomach to empty itself.

“I’m going to give you anti-nausea meds.” M’Benga told her, he moved away to get the medicine. Una rubbed her back in a soothing manner. The urge to vomit slowly and thankfully started to dissipate without the act.

“La’an, you’re safe and we’re going to figure this out.” Una promised her, La’an felt the hypospray against her neck. M’Benga administered the meds, it took a few minutes before La’an felt safe to straighten her back and lift her head.

“Is this a bad time?” Spock asked, he stood before them with a PADD in hand.

“No,” Una told him, she turned to M’Benga, “Doctor, if you could give us some a moment.” she said, not question nor an order.

“I’ll be in my office.” M’Benga told her. Una nodded gratefully before she turned to Spock. 

“You’ll have to excuse La’an, she doesn’t tolerate drugs very well. Did you find anything?” Una asked after M’Benga disappeared into his office.

“No, security also were unable to ascertain if there was another person in the mess hall during the attack.” Spock said, he held out the PADD to Una. She took it and went over the findings or lack thereof. 

“La’an, I need you to focus. Last night, you were in the mess hall with Torrin.” Una told her.

“Why would I be with him? He’s a pain in my ass.” La’an said, she didn’t have the patience to polite. She ran a hand through her loose hair and winced at the pain that sliced across her scalp.

“Well, you were. He said you were discussing Vulcan and then you were attacked. Do you remember?” Una asked, La’an tried to think of her last memories when the dark viscous feeling rolled over, a low throb began in her forehead. The nausea ramped up, she swallowed and shook her head.

“No.” she said, as soon as she gave up trying to think of the answer, the nausea and the vague pain faded. She felt Spock’s eyes on her, she looked at him to see his visible concern. How pitiful she must look to him and everyone else. She needed to go to her quarters. She felt she could gather her thoughts there and it was a more easily defendable position than here.

“I have to go.” La’an said, she placed the empty vomit bag to slide off the bed. She nearly fell to the floor as her legs felt like jelly.

“La’an.” Una said, she and Spock went to grab her but Spock got there before Una. He caught La’an by the elbow and his other hand went under her arm to help her stand up.

“Lieutenant, it would not be in your best interests to leave sickbay.” Spock said. The contact of his skin against hers was almost electric. That dark presence pressing on her ebbed away. She felt the oppressive weight grow lighter. 

Euphoria washed over her, she felt lightheaded as she felt like herself. She swayed on her feet, Spock caught her with ease and helped her back into bed. 

La’an looked at his face and wondered if he felt it. His face showed nothing as he released his hold of her and returned to his normal stance. She felt the dark presence rolled back in, the compulsion to leave slowly crept back in. The weight returned.

“What is happening to me?” La’an asked as she felt like she was going insane. She pushed her hair back and rubbed her neck. Spock’s eyes zeroed in on her neck.

“Lieutenant Noonien-Singh, did you get those bruises on your neck before last night?” he asked, La’an didn’t have a chance to answer before he closed the space between them, “May I?” he asked, he gestured to her neck.

“Sure.” La’an said, if it meant he touched her again, she’d take it. He reached out with both hands,  she involuntarily flinched as a flash of fear went through her. The gesture was familiar but not at the same time. “Sorry.” she murmured.

“I will do my best not to aggravate the injury.” Spock assured her, he felt her tense just before he placed his fingers in a whisper of a touch in the pattern of the bruises. 

His long fingers aligned in a familiar pattern, he felt telepathic traces of a presence in her recede. La’an’s demeanour shifted. She seemed to sit up taller, her eyes were a little brighter and clearer. Something that shouldn’t have been immediate as medication wore off slowly. He looked at her vitals, they appeared to show some normality. 

He dropped his hands away and watched as she appeared to shrink in on herself again and her vitals returned to being erratic. La’an twisted and turned her neck and shoulders, she looked agitated like she was almost backed into a corner. Many theories crossed his mind but one stood out the most even though it felt unlikely.

“Have you engaged in telepathic congress with another on the Enterprise?” he asked in a low voice to La’an, he ignored Una’s curious expression as his question was important.

“No.”  La’an said. He believed her yet which only solidified the theory in his mind. He’d seen how her mind was able to create boundaries to protect her from trauma. It was an easy tool for any telepath to use to block her access to certain memories.

“What is it?” Una asked him.

“May we speak privately?” Spock said, Una nodded and they quickly moved away from La’an’s bedside. She didn’t seem to notice as she was curling in on herself.

“I suspect the reason Lieutenant Noonien-Singh cannot recall the events of last night is that someone has blocked them with the use of telepathy.” Spock said in a low voice.

“If that’s true then she must be able to identify her attacker. Can you unblock them using a mindmeld?” Una asked, Spock smothered a withering sigh as he did not like how people thought a mindmeld was an answer to everything. Nor did he appreciate the lack of understanding. There seemed to be a huge misconception that it was easy and without side effects.

“No, the Lieutenant's condition is too unstable. If my suspicion is correct then we have reduced the pool of suspects down those on board who have telepathic abilities.” Spock said.

“That’s only 5 people.” Una said.

“7, if you include the Ambassador and Torrin.” Spock said, Una reeled back slightly as the idea their guests could be a potential suspect was not good. It also meant they had to tread very carefully.

“Why would either of them attack La’an?” Una asked.

“I do not know, but I do know there is no proof of another person being in the mess hall during the time of the attack. I do not understand why you ruled out Torrin as a suspect.” Spock said. His theory left him uneasy and thus he was reluctant to share it.

“Vulcans don’t lie.” Una argued.

“Vulcans value honesty above all else, but that does not mean we are incapable of lying.” Spock corrected her.

“I accept the logic of that statement but why would Torrin attack La’an?” Una asked again, Spock paused for a moment as he was not ready to share his theory.

“I do not know.” Spock lied.

“Alright, look, I’m not entirely savvy on telepathy but I thought Vulcans are only touch telepaths. He hasn’t touched her in hours, how can he still have a telepathic hold on her?” Una argued, he appreciated Una was playing Devil’s advocate. It would make their lives easier if there was some unknown assailant on the ship instead of an Ambassador’s son attacking a crewmember.

“I believe he placed the suggestion that if the Lieutenant tried to recall the events then it would cause her pain. It would explain her current state.” Spock lied, he hated lying to his commanding officer. But it was a necessary evil for the sake of keeping a taboo subject from being spoken aloud.

“She seemed to get better when you touched her.” Una stated.

“I cannot explain it, though I could perform thresh-tor-kashek with Lieutenant Noonien-Singh. It is a Vulcan meditation technique, it might help her gain control of her mind.” Spock offered.

“La’an and meditation?” Una asked sceptically, she couldn’t imagine La’an meditating. But she had noticed that Spock’s touch calmed La’an and she assumed the form of meditation he was offering would involve physical contact. “I guess it’s worth a try.” she admitted as they had tried everything else.

“I will speak with Dr M’Benga as the sickbay is not a conducive environment for this kind of meditation.” Spock said.

Chapter Text

“It would have been preferable to do this in your quarters but Dr M’Benga would not allow it. So, he has made his office available.” Spock said as he helped La’an down from the biobed.

“I can walk by myself.” La’an told him in a brusque manner. She was exhausted from the sedatives, the constant pain and the oozing, oily sensation of the dark viscous presence over her skin. She wanted to leave, to go to her quarters but Una and M’Benga had told her she couldn’t leave. 

Then there was Spock, his touch seemed to alleviate all her symptoms. She couldn’t explain it, and he appeared reluctant to share. At least in a public setting as he informed them, they would talk in M’Benga’s office.

“Of course.” Spock said, he moved a small step back to give her space. La’an tried to take a couple of steps but her legs gave out. Spock was there in an instant to pull her up.

“Or not. Sorry.” La’an murmured. She felt like crying at her weakness, she hated her weakness. But she refused to cry in such a public area. 

“There is no need to apologise.”  Spock said, he took her hand in his, the skin to skin contact sent a barrage of familiar sensations. It was almost like she was soaking up his strength, he was invigorating her.

He helped her walk to M’Benga’s office, he opened the door and La’an breath was taken away. The sterile white room had been darkened, hundreds of candles were lit setting off a soft and relaxing glow. It was not real as no heat radiating in the room, nor the smell of melting wax. But it was still beautiful.

“Wow.” La’an murmured.

“I have adapted it to our needs, it is holographic projections. I would prefer cushions but the chairs will have to do.” Spock said, the closed behind them. The illusion of the holographic projection took effect.

“Thank you.” La’an said as he helped her sit down into Dr M’Benga’s chair before taking the chair opposite her.

“There is something I must confess first before we go any further.” He said as he picked up a PADD from M’Benga’s desk and she noted that he’d locked the doors.

“Ok.” La’an said cautiously, she could count on one hand the amount of times she’d seen Spock this deeply uncomfortable. 

“I lied to Dr M’Benga.” He said, he spoke in a low dulcet tone as he believed even with the soundproofing they might still be overheard.

“We’re not going to meditate?” La’an asked, she shifted in her chair, since he had released her hand. Her symptoms had returned and add the slight anxiety she felt at Spock’s discomfort. She was wishing she asked for a vomit bag, she took slow and even breaths in a vain attempt to alleviate her nausea.

“We can but there is a private matter I need to discuss with you.” He said, La’an remained silent as she truly didn’t know what to say. He didn’t need to be prompted as he took her silence as an opening to continue.

“You need to understand that what I’m about to share is a deeply personal matter. Vulcans do not share this knowledge with outsiders except those very few who have been involved. We rarely speak of it among ourselves, it is that taboo within our culture.” he told her, La’an frowned.

“Then why are you sharing it with me?” She asked wryly.

“I believe Torrin has unwillingly involved you and you should be made aware of what is happening and what will happen to you." Spock answered.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, a little frustrated and very confused by his choice of words. Spock took a fortifying breath as he realised there was no way around this conversation.

“Every seven years, Vulcans go through a physical and psychological change called Pon Farr. Quite simply, it’s mating heat where one loses all sense of control and logic, as they are instinctually driven to mate. I believe Torrin is currently experiencing Pon Farr and has decided you are his mate.” Spock explained, he had oversimplified it but she seemed to understand as her jaw dropped open in shock. 

“You believe, how certain are you of this?” La’an asked as it seemed like an incredulous claim.

“If I were to put a probable number to it, I’d say 95% certain given your symptoms and what I’ve observed of Torrin’s behaviour since. The fact there is no evidence of the mystery third party he claimed had attacked the both of you.” Spock said, plainly.

“He- well” La’an was a little tongue tied as she tried to sort out her thoughts. There was something she wanted to say but the words were just outside of her reach. “No.” she said, she winced as her rejection of the notion pained her. She closed her eyes and that dark viscous feeling oozed across her skin, the urge to get up and leave came back, like sitting here in this room with Spock was inexplicably wrong. 

“No? Do you remember differently?” Spock asked.

“I can’t- the words.” she said, she growled in frustration as something was holding her mind and her words back.

“If I am correct, even with a partial bond, it gave him just enough of a telepathic foothold in your mind to be able to block the memories of what he did and to control you given you did not consent to the bond. The aphasia you’re experiencing is one of the many side effects of it.” Spock said, he cleared his throat and raised his head a little, his back straightened. The tell tale signs of continued discomfort as he couldn’t hide behind his shell of Vulcan Logic and emotional detachment. 

La’an looked away and winced, she appreciated his discomfort. It couldn’t be easy to share the darkest inner workings of Vulcan psyche and sexuality. Nor to suggest that she would succumb to some kind of telepathic form of sexual coercion.

“And the compulsion to leave sickbay isn’t because I want to go to my quarters. It’s to him, isn’t it?” She asked, her mind was already playing out the worst case scenarios.

“Yes, he is going to use the partial bond to force you to bend to his will,” he told her.

“The weaker I get, the stronger his control.” La’an murmured, hot tears burned her eyes. She felt herself spiralling out of control. She didn’t know what to do. Spock touched her hand, she was brought back into the room. Her thoughts went quiet, a calm sensation washed over her. She looked at him. 

“Are you in my head now?” La’an asked as she looked down at their hands, where she noticed that he held her hands in a very gentle, light and controlled manner. Their skin was barely touching but it was enough.

“No.”

“Then why-?” she stopped as she didn’t know what question she should be asking.

“It’s complicated to explain. But for the bond to work, many connections are required on a telepathic, physical and spiritual level. When the bonding begins, it awakens those pathways within you. I would theorise that because the bond is incomplete with Torrin, those pathways within you are instinctually searching for connection. We have shared minds, so naturally those connections would wish to reach for someone or something familiar. But the effect I have on you won’t last.” he explained.

“It won’t?” La’an asked disappointedly, she had hoped maybe he had some quick solution.

“Torrin is most likely forming more telepathic connections into your mind as we speak. He is a full-blooded Vulcan, and now that his telepathic abilities are not focussed inward for the self regulation of his emotions-”

“The pain I’m feeling is only going to continue and get worse until I capitulate.” La’an said, to save him from saying it out loud. She anguished over the unfair situation she was thrust into, that once again she was being hunted. 

“Yes, but you need to understand that it’s deeply shameful for Vulcans to admit to having a lack of self control. It’s why Vulcans have arranged marriages, consent is given at a young age and it is understood when Pon farr arrives-”

“I got the picture. He’s intensely horny and I’m the only person on the ship he thinks is suitable and he’s too impatient to wait a week to get to his fiance or mate who is waiting on Vulcan.” La’an stated as there was no other way around it.

“Essentially yes.” Spock said.

“What are my choices here?” she asked, she knew it was unrealistic to just hold Spock’s hand for the next 96 hours or so. Even he said the relief his touch gave her was temporary. But damn if it didn’t feel good as he loosely held her hands in his. 

“Dr M’Benga could place you in a medically induced coma. We’ll be at Vulcan in less than four days. Once Torrin has taken a mate, his bond to you will be severed and you should make a full recovery.” Spock suggested, La’an gave him an incredulous look.

“And what’s to stop him from attacking me while I’m in a coma? No, I won’t place myself in a situation where I am completely defenceless. Could I persevere with the symptoms without medication where I don’t submit to him?” she asked him, his lips quirked into a faint sardonic smile.

“Lieutenant, I greatly admire your strength and mental fortitude but take a moment, what you have and are experiencing now is only a small amount of what is to come.” he said, he gently released her hands for a moment. 

La’an felt her body tense as the darkness painfully ooze in, her ability to think clearly, waned. She unapologetically took his hands as she understood the point he was proving. She needed to think clearly, to find a solution as it didn’t seem like one could be found in sickbay. 

“There has to be another way. What do people normally do on Vulcan?” La’an asked desperately now as she felt like she was on borrowed time between Torrin’s will and Spock’s kindness. 

“There are usually only three courses of action that one can take when in the throes of Pon farr. Intensive meditation techniques, taking a mate, or participating in Kal-if-fee.” Spock said.

“What’s Kal-if-fee?” La’an asked as it felt like the best of the options so far. She was not submitting to Torrin. She was not particularly fantastic at meditation, she could do it but she wasn’t sure she could in her current condition.

“Ritual fight to the death.” Spock said, she looked at him for a long moment as she genuinely considered it. 

“Vulcans don’t do anything by half measures, do they?” La’an asked rhetorically.

“I don’t think the Captain would not appreciate you killing the ambassador’s son even though it is justified.” Spock said. 

“I feel I would be doing us all a favour by murdering him.” La’an grumbled.

“We can try meditation. It will not be easy.” Spock said.

“You don’t look convinced that it will work.” La’an stated, she didn't know why but she could read easily at the moment. She wondered if he was letting her see it because he’d shared a secret aspect of his culture or something else.

“I have not heard of anyone being successful,” he said truthfully.

“So, where does that leave me?” La’an asked.

“I could become your mate.” Spock stated.

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry, I think I misheard you.” La’an said as she couldn’t believe what he’d just said to her.

“You heard me correctly. I want to assure you if you agree to bonding with me. Our bond would be temporary and theoretically it could override Torrin’s bond over you and alleviate the pain you’re currently experiencing.” Spock said, he shifted back and released her hands.

“Theoretically.” La’an said in a faded tone as she was still reeling from his proposition. 

“I’ve never tried it this way before.” He said, La’an felt incredibly lightheaded that he was working entirely on pure speculation but wanted to mate with her. She felt like she was in some incredibly wacky dream. Except she knew it was real as she felt pain and other myriad of unpleasant emotions that she wasn’t entirely sure were her own.

“If, say, I agree to this. Wouldn't we have to … you know…” La’an drawled as she gestured between them. Thankfully he understood immediately that she was referring to sex. 

“It’s highly unlikely, as I believe, once your partial bond is severed from Torrin. Your neurochemistry and hormonal levels should stabilise and your symptoms will subside.” Spock said. Everything he said sounded logical but yet it all felt completely out of control.

“But what if it doesn’t?” she asked as she pressed her fingers into her temples and slowly massaged them. She knew now, the pain and darker presence slowly seeped in.

“Torrin is the one experiencing Pon Farr not you.” Spock explained.

“But what if the Pon Farr symptoms don’t subside for me?” she asked, as she needed to have all her bases covered, so to speak. 

“Then I will make myself available to you. I have been told I am a generous and attentive lover.” Spock said in a matter-of-fact manner.

“Really,” La’an choked out.

“Yes, though I have yet to explore the human side of my sexuality. I am sure the mechanics are much the same, but I will make sure to research the subject in the event you require-”

“Please stop talking.” La’an said, her heart was racing as images of him in her bed, skin caressing skin, sweat, hands fisting sheets, his eyes dark with lust. She swallowed and shook her head as she didn't need to be thinking of that right in that moment.

“As I stated before, it’s highly unlikely we will need to engage in sexual congress. At most, we will require what you’d consider minor platonic physical contact while the bond is new and needs to be fortified.” Spock said, in a rather dismissive and casual manner. 

“Like hugging and holding hands?” La’an asked for clarification.

“Yes, I also should warn you that I believe our mating bond will break Torrin’s telepathic hold on you as I will be able to use the bond to protect you from further telepathic correspondence.” Spock said.

“Ok.” La’an said in a vague manner as she was trying to focus but finding it hard. Spock reached out and gently took her hand in his. Her mind quietened down, but the sensation of being utterly overwhelmed remained.

“It is likely, that you will remember what happened last night. But I cannot guarantee it.” he said softly.

“Ok.” La’an said, she honestly didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to remember what happened as she wanted a break from her own body and emotions.

“I see this is a lot to process, would you like some time alone with your thoughts?” Spock asked, the man was impossibly polite as he offered himself up on a silver platter to her. 

“No, I don’t want to be alone.” La’an said.

“I can meditate while you consider my suggestion.” Spock offered, La’an wanted to laugh at the juxtaposition of him calmly meditating while she was mentally and emotionally unravelling.

“No, I don’t need to think about it. I just have to ask, would you be doing this if it were anyone else?” she asked, she already knew her answer but she needed some reassurances. 

“No, I would not.” Spock said honestly.

“Why me?” she asked, she needed to know he wasn’t being some kind of martyr for sake of keeping the dirty little secrets of Vulcan.

“I would do this for you because we have already shared intimate parts of ourselves with one another. The mind meld we shared proves we already trust and accept one another on a deeper level than most people.” Spock said, it wasn’t exactly the answer she was looking for, but it would do.

“It’s why you think a mating bond with me would work to override Torrin’s.” La’an said.

“Yes, you’re hesitating. Why?” Spock asked.

“I feel like I’d be using you.” La’an said bluntly.

“I am volunteering to be used. You need to understand Pon Farr strips away the veneer of civility, it is a madness where one can cause great harm to their partner. It is not intentional, but I do not want to see you come to harm. Not when I can offer my assistance...to protect you from him.” Spock said softly, she noticed the haunted look in his eyes and wondered what he was not saying.

She’d seen him lose control of his anger to know how tightly he controlled his emotions. She knew it was a constant struggle for him, the struggle to balance his human nature with his Vulcan. She had those same struggles with her human nature and her augment history. 

“If we do this, won’t severing the bond after this is all over, hurt us?” La’an asked. 

“It will not be painful, not in the way you are thinking. It will be similar to the aftereffects of the mind meld we shared. It will fade away in time.” he said, La’an nodded as she took in the information. The aftereffects of the mind meld had lingered for weeks but had not been entirely unpleasant.

“You’d really do this for me?” La’an asked.

“I am the most logical choice given our history and my being half Vulcan.” Spock said, she pressed her lips into a fine line as she wondered how many ‘logical’ excuses he’d come up with to rationalise the insanity of what he was suggesting.

“Won’t this piss off Torrin and have him come after you?” La’an asked.

“Possibly, but his father will impede his efforts as he will not want the scandal.” Spock paused for a moment, “Lieutenant, I understand your reticence as you were not given a choice in any of this. As I said, if you need more time-”

“No, let’s do it. But will we have to tell the Captain?” La’an asked, she really didn’t want to tell anyone. Not that she was embarrassed by bonding with Spock. It was the pitying looks, the conversations of how now she was a victim of yet another traumatic event. 

Then there would be the reports, the meetings and mandatory therapy sessions before she’d even be allowed to resume her duties. No, being known as someone who survived the Gorn and the descendant of a notorious augment was enough. She didn’t need this on top of all that.

“No, not unless it impedes our duties on the ship. Until then, the Captain and the others does not need to know. Although we should inform Dr M’Benga, he will want to monitor you until this situation with Torrin has been resolved.” Spock said simply.

“Great.” La’an drawled sarcastically, she wished this were as simple as slapping a patch on and calling it a day. But no, it was never that easy for her.

“I will not push you to do this, your consent is crucial.” Spock said as he misconstrued her response. La’an remained silent for a long moment as she weighed up her options. Her earlier answer stayed true.

“I give my consent.” She told him.

“I will have to touch your face, is that acceptable?” Spock asked.

“Yes.” She said, he took her right hand and manipulated her fingers, so her index and middle finger were together and straight while her others were folded down and her thumb slightly tucked in.

“Hold this hand, like so. The other here, do not move your fingers from where I have placed them.” He told her.

“Ok.” La’an said, he took her left hand and placed it on his shoulder as he moved in closer. She took a deep inhale, the light scent of his cologne and something intangibly male that was Spock. She felt his left hand gently cradled the back of her head. She winced as his fingers pressed into some tender points.

“I apologise.” He murmured softly.

“My scalp hurts because I had my braids in for too long yesterday.” La’an lied.

“I see.” he said, he didn’t question it further, his right index finger and middle finger rested on hers. It all felt incredibly intimate for something that appeared so innocent. “Breathe, Lieutenant. This will not hurt like the mind meld.” He said, it sounded almost like a promise.

La’an breathed in slowly and exhaled, repeating the process to calm her pounding heart. 

Spock murmured, though she could barely make out his words as he seemed to be chanting something. It was enthralling, his voice and how he looked at her, it pulled her in. The oily, dark tendrils of that presence that had been leaning over her, trying to infect her mind slowly began to dissolve, the fear that she was being hunted faded. There was no pain, no desperate need to claw back and fight.

It faded, her body slowly felt lighter, freer as a warm familiar presence filtered in. She hadn’t realised until that moment how much she had missed this, Spock’s empathic presence. It was like the memories of home; safe, protective, warm and inviting.

“You’re mine as I am yours.” La’an breathed, she had no idea where the words came from, but the desire and truth in them rang clear through her. 

Spock blinked at her as if surprised at her words. For longest moment, he said nothing as they just looked one another and felt the bond between them. He slowly pulled his hand from her hair and took hers into his. She felt her cheeks burned with a flush as her heart raced not from anxiety but pleasure and excitement.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“Better, the pain and the darkness from before is mostly gone.” She said, relief washed through her, she wasn’t entirely sure if it was her or if maybe she was feeling him. Then flashes of memories flashed through her mind. She gasped in shock and from the memories of pain, the events of the night before flooded her mind, but it was a confusing mess.

“Lieutenant, are you sure you’re ok?” Spock asked in concern.

“I remember.” She said in a hushed voice.

“Remember what?” he asked.

“Last night.” La’an said, she groaned as sharp streaks of pain zinged across her scalp. She leaned forward and clutched her face in her hands. Tears flowed, it was like her body was releasing a torrent of emotions against her will.

“Don’t force it.” Spock told her softly, she felt his fingers sink into her hair and gently massaged her scalp and the back of her neck.  It felt amazing as the tension she didn’t know she had been holding eased.

“I can’t remember what he said to me, but oh God, I remember the pain.” 

“It shouldn’t hurt nor should it be forced on a person. I’m sorry you had to go through this.” 

“Don’t apologise for him!” She snapped, she straightened up and looked at him, she wiped the tears from her face. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this.” she told him. She hated showing her vulnerability to others. It was amazing he could still respect her after everything he knew about her. Most people by now would've looked at her with pity and only saw a victim.

“I will not tell the others that I saw you cry.” he said, there was the barest hint of a teasing tone. La'an snorted a laugh as it was not what she expected him to say. She could’ve sworn she saw a faint smile on his lips.

“I feel all over the place.” she confessed, the smile on her lips disappeared.

“I know, I can feel your emotional disposition.” he stated, her eyes went wide.

“You can?” she asked.

“Do not worry, I know how to differentiate your emotions from my own.” he assured her, but it didn’t give her much comfort. She was concerned her emotional state could affect him.

“It must be strange.” she said.

“I already anticipated your emotional turmoil from being released from Torrin’s hold. I assume it will take a couple of days before you feel more in control of your emotions. I recommend at some point we perform Thresh tor kashek, it’s a meditation technique I learnt as a child. It’s a simple mind sharing.” he offered.

“I think my mind has been overshared at the moment.” La’an said, she needed time to get some rest and gather her thoughts.

“It is not quite like that, you would be tapping into my emotional control to help find your centre to be able to calm yourself. It will also help strengthen our bond. But-” Spock stopped as the door to the office opened, they both watched as Chapel stepped in with a surprised expression.

“Oh, sorry, Dr M’Benga needed a PADD from his desk.” Chapel told them. It was clearly a lie as whatever information M’Benga needed could’ve been accessed from the mainframe.

“If he has a moment, I wish to speak with him in private.” Spock said. he turned off the holographic projector. The candles disappeared, the room returned to its normal, white and sterile atmosphere.

“Of course, I’ll go get him.” Chapel said she eyed them and their hands that were still touching for a moment before she left the room.

“You really need to let her down easy.” La’an told Spock, he raised a questioning eyebrow at her. She levelled him with a look as they both knew exactly what she was talking about.

Chapter Text

M’Benga’s expression gave nothing away, he absorbed and processed what Spock shared with him. Spock for his part kept it very basic and rather vague in La’an’s opinion. But she knew why, it was for his own comfort more than anything else. She found it wryly amusing given he had no issue discussing the sexuality of other species.

“I have to inform the Captain immediately.” M’Benga told them.

“There's no point.” La’an said, she felt Spock become tense even though he stood a few feet from her. The sensations of not physically touching but being in tune with him was strange. His emotions felt shallow like a puddle, but she had a feeling he had erected walls to kept her from feeling his true emotional nature. If she was honest, she wasn’t ready for that just yet.

“No point? You’ve made me aware that this man is suffering from a medical condition I’ve only just learned of today. Torrin requires medical care, not to mention he attached you. What's to stop him from attacking other female members of the crew?” M’Benga argued.

"He won't attack anyone else." La'an assured him, but M'Benga looked unconvinced.

“Torrin has sequestered himself to his quarters. He only requires to be left alone until we reach Vulcan, and he is united with his true mate.” Spock told him.

“Well, then he has to answer for his behaviour in regard to La’an.” M’Benga said rather passionately, La’an appreciated his anger, but it was useless emotion given the situation.

“He is protected by diplomatic immunity, there is no recourse to be had.” La’an said plainly, it was part of the reason she preferred no one knew. 

“Lieutenant-” M’Benga started but she cut him off.

“I know how the system works. It’s my word against his, there is nothing to gain from saying anything. But I will make sure he is under guard until he disembarks the ship.” La’an assured him.

“Torrin and his father will not allow you to treat him as it would mean disclosing the matter and having it on public record. This is something that is rarely spoken of outside of Vulcan.” Spock added, though La’an felt it was rather unhelpful given how it sounded like they were covering for his people.

“I am speechless.” M’Benga said. He looked frustrated with both of them. La’an could empathise, his hands, just like hers were tied. There was going to be no satisfaction of justice, and M’Benga couldn’t even make a full study of Pon Farr. A condition Vulcans kept a tight lid on even when he interned at the medical facilities on Vulcan.

“You do not have to say anything, I only felt it necessary to share what I have so you understand that I and Lieutenant Noonien-Singh have bonded. It has improved her condition considerably and I anticipate a full recovery.” Spock informed him, M’Benga blinked at him, La’an could see the doctor’s mind churning as he looked displeased at being usurped.

“Lt Spock, you should've told me what was going on immediately. But instead of taking it upon yourself to play doctor and embroil yourself in this. Does she understand what she agreed to?” M’Benga asked him angrily, it was fair for him to feel that way given he was being informed after the fact.

“Yes, I do, I am-” La’an started but M’Benga cut her off.

“You are on medication and completely vulnerable. Do either of you not see how bad this looks?” M’Benga asked them incredulously.

“You were the one who drugged me against my consent.” La’an reminded him.

“You were in pain, Una and I made the call. It was the right one, I did not think Lt Spock would take advantage of it.” he told her.

“Spock helped me-” La’an started but M’Benga shouted over her.

“He should’ve come to me first!” M’Benga took a deep breath before he spoke, “Lt Noonien-Singh, La’an. I have no knowledge on this cycle of Vulcan sexual reproductive system nor on the bond that Vulcan mates share to know for certain that what you two have done is safe and won’t have long term irreparable damage.” M’Benga told her.

“T’Pring and I mutually severed our bond with no ill effects.” Spock argued in his calm and pragmatic manner, M’Benga took another fortifying breath.

“T’Pring is Vulcan.” M’Benga countered.

“I trust Spock, he has nothing to gain from this and everything to lose. He would have remained silent and let me die or worse. But he came forward, he helped me as Torrin’s bond was killing me!” La’an said, defending Spock and to a certain extent herself. M’Benga looked concerned as he didn’t have any concept of what she had been enduring to understand. He only assessed her and Spock on face value.

“We could have found a solution.” M’Benga told her softly.

“You were taking too long.” La’an argued, she knew her words stung as M’Benga reeled back slightly. “I’m sorry, but it’s true. Spock laid everything out to me, my choices besides bonding with him were not viable. We only told you because you deserved to know, but please respect our- my right to privacy.” she told him.

“Ok,” M’Benga conceded, “I’ll need to run tests on the both of you for my peace of mind.” M’Benga told them, Spock and La’an relaxed and nodded in reluctant agreement.

“I must return to my duties, but I can return after my shift.” Spock conceded, but La’an knew he had already planned to as they discussed it earlier.

“You can run the tests on me until then.” La’an said to M’Benga, she rose from the chair with shaky legs. Adrenaline that had been pumping through her from the argument waned, fatigue was truly starting to set in. She wavered on her feet as she felt a little lightheaded, but Spock was there at her side in a moment.

La’an leaned into his side as he held her up, she felt his presence wrap around her like a warm comforting embrace.

“I will help you back to biobed.” Spock said, La’an nodded somewhat sleepily. Normally, she’d have rejected such an offer but right now, she wanted to be helped. It didn’t feel like she was showing weakness by accepting it either. They left M’Benga’s office and walked slowly to her bed. Spock helped back onto the bed and gave her one last look before he left.

La’an watched M’Benga work as he gathered his tray of instruments and gizmos to study her.

“You look angrier than the time I broke my arm wrestling with a Nausicaan.” La’an told him, she wore a closed lip smile as M’Benga gave a withering sigh at the memory.

“I am, but only because I care about your wellbeing.” He told her.

“You think Spock has untoward intentions towards me?” La’an joked in a low voice, she had noted that Chapel was across the medical bay tending another crewmember before she said anything.

“I don’t know how I or you can trust what he says or that he doesn’t have undue influence over you with this bond.” M’Benga said as he started taking blood samples and then moved onto scanning her.

La'an understood M'Benga's distrust stemmed from being left in the cold by the Vulcans in general. Then add in Spock and La'an bonding without consulting him first, he was playing catch up and didn't like it. He didn't like that Doctor-Patient confidentiality stopped him from reporting the assault.

“He doesn’t.” La’an assured him but he didn’t look convinced.

“You're not Vulcan or a telepath. There is your unwillingness to pursue charges is helping the Vulcans to conceal-”

“Doctor, there were no witnesses, I have no evidence to prove he did anything to me. But he does, he could easily turn around and say I attacked him. He has a more believable case than me. He can tell them I attacked him, and he defended himself. I lose everything that I have worked hard for. Some things are just not worth the trouble.” La’an told him.

“I don’t agree with you.” M’Benga argued, La'an didn't feel like explaining to him that it might be the 23rd century but some attitudes to some crimes remained unchanged.

“It’s not your reputation on the line. How am I?” La’an asked, changing the subject before they argued again.

“Your vitals have stabilised but your neurochemistry and hormones are still elevated. Are you in any pain, nausea or general unwellness?” he asked, La’an took a deep breath as she did her own internal check. She felt faded and tired but overall, much better than before.

“I feel tired and a little weak but overall I'm better than before.” she said.

A few hours later, 

Spock sat at his station working, but he found his mind wandering. The bond with La’an was different to the one he’d shared with T’Pring. La’an’s presence was more chaotic than he’d experienced even after their previous mind meld. He placed it down to her neurochemistry and hormones being disrupted by Torrin. With every passing hour, he felt her regaining control of her emotions but there was an undercurrent that could not be ignored. She yearned for him. He felt that pull, the compulsion to go to her. 

Reluctantly, he remained at his post, to leave before his shift was finished would raise suspicion. He didn’t want La’an or himself to be placed into an impossible situation where they’d be separated. They both earned their commissions to serve on the Enterprise. A temporary bond was not going to jeopardise that, not if he could help it.

He knew the risks in bonding with La’an, but he couldn’t leave her in that state. Torrin’s bond had been crushing her. He knew La’an was strong, but he couldn’t imagine the long-term effects. Nor did he feel she should be forced to endure it when there were other options.

Spock took a slow inhale and exhale as the memory of her touch; the warmth of her skin permeated his mind. He did not deny the truth, he looked forward to the next time they would touch.

“Lt Spock, Ambassador Syvar has requested your presence in his quarters.” Uhura told him in a low voice.

“Thank you, Cadet.” Spock said, he rose from his station. He left the bridge and within minutes he stepped the guest quarters that had been allocated to the Ambassador. 

“Ambassador, you requested my presence.” Spock stated, the man didn’t even bother to turn around as he gazed out the window at the passing stars. Spock was used to such impudent behaviour as many Vulcans saw him as ‘undesirable’ given his human genes.

“Spock. I am sure by now you are aware that my son and that female were not attacked by some unknown adversary.” Syvar said, cutting straight to the matter at hand as he didn’t see the point in inane small talk.

“I am.” Spock said simply.

“Yet you have not shared this knowledge with Captain Pike.” Syvar stated, he turned and faced Spock with a patronising expression. Spock was not ruffled by it as he stood his ground as he had nothing to prove to Syvar or any other Vulcan.

“I have not, but I do know what your son did was wrong.” Spock said.

“When my son survives Pon Farr, I will punish him severely for the vulnerable position he has placed our people in. We, however, need to take care of the situation with the female.” Syvar told him, the inference was clear that Syvar believed it was Spock’s responsibility. If Spock didn’t take care of it to Syvar’s satisfaction, then he’d step in.

“I have severed Torrin’s bond. She will not be an issue as Lt Noonien-Singh understands the situation completely and is discreet.” Spock told him. Syvar raised a questioning eyebrow at him, he was most likely surprised as they both knew there was only one way Spock could sever the bond.

“You would mate with a female of such low standing and poor breeding?” Syvar asked, Spock’s eyes narrowed as he didn’t appreciate Syvar’s opinion of La’an nor the tone of disgust.

“One would expect you to show gratitude as my mate and I are saving your son and family from the shame and disgrace of his actions.” Spock told him in a cold manner as they both knew Syvar would bury this as deeply as he could and make certain it never see the light of day. It was just a matter of how far Syvar was willing to go to make sure his reputation and that of his family remained in high standing.

“Your father will be unimpressed.” Syvar said, Spock knew he was being tested. Syvar just didn’t understand that Spock didn’t care what his father thought nor did Spock care about the reputation of his family. He found the elitism on Vulcan tedious. 

“That is his burden to bear, not mine. Is there anything else you require, Ambassador?” Spock asked, he felt they had nothing more to say to one another.

“No, I will control my son and you will see to controlling your female. The humans will never have to know what has passed.” Syvar said, as the complicated matter they were in could be settled so easily.

“The Captain will not let it go. I would advise you to confide in him. He cannot pursue charges without Lt Noonien-Singh’s consent, she will not give it.” Spock said, he had a feeling this would blowback on him at some stage but it was not his place to discuss it with Chris.

“I will consider it, if he presses the matter.” Syvar said.

Chapter Text

La’an returned to her quarters late in the afternoon and kicked off her shoes by the door. M’Benga had been reluctant to release her but even he couldn’t find a reason to keep her. She had submitted herself to all his tests. But thankfully, the bond couldn’t be quantified and studied by any of the technology M’Benga possessed in his lab. Her vitals had returned to normal, the imbalance in her hormones and brain were slowly levelling out. 

She, however, felt far from normal. The pain of Torrin’s bond was fading but she still felt oily traces of him in her mind, on her body. She found herself looking over her shoulder as she half expected to see him following her. At the same time, La’an felt Spock’s presence. Quiet, comforting and protective without being intrusive. It too was fading, she missed the initial high of his touch, the warm sensation of home, the renewed vitality. She would never admit it out loud, but she desperately desired to be held in a warm embrace. His embrace.

La’an sighed as she shook away the thoughts of Spock’s arms. She mentally reminded herself that he was empathically linked to her. So, everything she felt, he could feel it. She wondered if there was a way to hide her emotions from him as she could only imagine being linked to her was torture. She made a mental note to ask as she didn’t want to be any more of a burden to him than she already was.

Gods, she didn’t want to imagine his opinion of her if she succumbed to Pon farr. She ran her hands through her hair and winced as her scalp was still sore. The pain washed away her thoughts of Spock and her potentially having sex. She closed her eyes, memories of Torrin and her in the mess hall became intrusive. She tried to push them away, bury them deep within her as she didn't want to deal with it. She certainly didn’t want to keep rehashing it either. She wanted to just move on.

Maybe if she was lucky, she’d get her wish. But until then, she needed a shower and some rest. She stripped out of her clothing, leaving a trail behind her as she walked straight into the bathroom.

She turned on the heat setting up from the usual temperature. She needed a long hot shower to wash off the last few hours of old sweat and bad memories. Once it was at the right temperature she stepped in and closed the door. She went through the usual motions of scrubbing down her body. 

She tried not to scrub too hard. Memories came back again. That faint memory of that oily feeling on skin came to the forefront of her mind, the remnants of pain speared through her nerve endings. She stopped mid scrub and took a sharp breath in and then shook out her limbs. The mere action helped her reset her thoughts and cease the dark need to claw her skin off. Anger unfurled in her for letting the man get under skin so easily. She tried the breathing techniques the headshrinkers had given her to control her emotions. 

When she finally felt somewhat calm, she quickly yet gingerly washed her hair as her scalp and neck were still tender. Once she felt thoroughly clean and feeling more like herself, she turned off the shower and dried off. She changed into some comfortable clothing before she stopped in front of the mirror.

La’an sighed as she looked tired, but that was to be expected. The bruises had been healed but she still felt the sensation of Torrin’s grip but it was fading. Just not fast enough for her liking.

She looked down and picked up her wide tooth comb. When she looked back at her reflection, Torrin stood behind her. She immediately turned around to confront him, he was gone. Her heart quickened, adrenaline rushed through her as she tried to make sense of what happened. The bathroom was empty, but she still felt like she wasn't alone. 

"Computer, lights 100%." La'an ordered between harsh short breaths. She kept close to the wall and clenched her hands, ready to fight. The lights turned up to their brightest setting. She peered out of the bathroom into her quarters. Her eyes darted around the room, searching for a threat that didn't exist. But as much as she saw the truth that she was alone and safe in her quarters, her body and instincts didn't believe it.

“We’ve ruled out all the other telepaths and empaths on the ship.” Una told Chris as she and Spock sat in the guest chairs of the Captain’s ready room.

Spock wished he hadn’t mentioned La’an being in contact with a Telepath. If only Syvar had warned him beforehand, then Spock could have covered up the situation with ease. He hated lying to his superior officers, but it was essential. Sadly, the lies were starting to spiral out of control. It didn't help that Spock was not deft at the art of subterfuge. Which made sitting in this current meeting distinctly uncomfortable. 

“So, there’s no trace of a mystery intruder and everyone on the crew is accounted for.” Chris said before he heaved a sigh and scrubbed a hand down his face. He looked a mix of exhausted and frustrated.

Spock wished he had the guts to tell them the truth but years of socially ingrained training held his tongue. Not to mention, he did not want to see their reaction to how he handled the situation. He knew he did the right thing in regards to La'an. But he knew from M’benga’s reaction the others would not agree. He didn’t want to disappoint his Captain or XO. It was why he reconciled in a few days this would all be over. No one bar him, La’an and the Vulcans needed to know the full truth.

“Not that Ambassador Syvar cares as he told me to drop the investigation when I went to ask his son some follow up questions.” Una added, she was equally frustrated with the situation.

“Maybe he doesn’t care, but I do. I want answers.” Chris told them in a serious manner. It was one of the many reasons Spock admired Pike as a leader. The man cared for his crew no matter their rank. But this one time, he wished the both of them would show some form of negligence to give Spock some peace of mind.

“There is one scenario that could’ve played out.” Una said carefully, her eyes darted between Chris and Spock, Spock raised a questioning eyebrow, “You said Torrin could be the culprit. What if he attacked La’an, so he made up this story of a mystery attacker to cover his ass. You said he blocked La’an’s ability to remember.” Una stated.

“I said that someone with telepathic abilities placed a suggestion in Lt Noonien-Singh’s mind to prevent her from remembering the events of last night. I did not say it was Torrin.” Spock corrected her, he tried to remain calm and give nothing away.

“Why would he attack La’an?” Chris asked, the one question Spock could answer but wouldn’t.

“That part I don’t know.” Una said, Chris looked at Spock.

“Spock, would you be able to remove the telepathic suggestion in La’an so she could remember?” Chris asked, Spock pretended to ponder on the request. 

He frowned slightly as he felt Torrin’s presence lurking, pressing on the bond he shared with La’an. Testing it. It was a new experience for Spock as he’d never had another Vulcan telepathically trespass on him before. He did expect it to happen, but he didn’t expect the intense streak of disgust he felt at it.

“I could but I am reluctant to do so as I fear I will do more damage to her than fix the problem. But I believe at some point she will remember on her own given how strong her mental fortitude is.” Spock said, he'd kept the bond to La'an closed off, so as to focus in the meeting. But given Torrin's intrusion, Spock telepathically opened the bond and felt the rush of fear, anger and panic flood through. It was incredibly overwhelming. It nearly made a crack in Spock's carefully constructed veneer of calm.

“What is it, Spock?” Chris asked, Spock brought his attention back to the meeting. He wondered is his composure had fractured given Chris' look of concern.

“I think I may have a way of helping Lt Noonien-Singh. If I may be excused?” he asked, he needed to see La'an. He had underestimated Torrin's telepathic abilities. 

“Of course.” Chris said, Spock nodded as he took his leave without even noticing Chris or Una's expressions. If he had, he would've waited it out and fought to remain calm until he was properly dismissed.

The doorbell to her quarters beeped. La’an moved to the door, the knife she had grabbed from her personal weapon's locker in her hand. It’s sharp edge at the ready. She pressed herself against the wall by the door. She hated how on edge she felt. It had taken her years to break the habits she had ingrained in her by the Gorn. It was deeply upsetting how one incident just undid all that work.

“Who is it?” she demanded.

“Lt Spock,” Spock’s deep sensuous voice filtered into the room over the internal comms. La’an pushed off the wall and quickly hid her knife on the bookcase before she pressed the button to open the door. She waited until he stepped in alone and closed the door. Spock watched at the speed the doors snapped close before he looked at her.

“Is everything ok?” she asked him, but as soon as the question was asked, it seemed quickly irrelevant as the air between them shifted. She felt her body relax, the edginess from a moment ago faded.

“I am fine, but I can feel Torrin testing the connection between us. I’m afraid he is not going to give you up as easily as I thought. I would ask if you had felt it, but I already have my answer given the defensive posture you had when I entered.” Spock said, he winced at the brightness of the lighting in the room.

“Computer lower the lights, 50%." the room darkened to a smooth and calmer ambiance. "I-” she paused as she realised there was no point in lying. “I saw his reflection in the mirror. I know he’s not here, but I just feel like I’m being watched.” she admitted.

“It was most likely your mind processing Torrin’s telepathic presence.” Spock said, as if the explanation made it any better.

“Well, it was deeply unsettling.” La’an said, hating the weakness she felt. Her mind decided to make Torrin the bogey man. She wondered if it was lucky her mind didn’t decide to make him look like the Gorn.

“I can imagine, which is why we should reinforce the bond instead of waiting for later.” Spock stated.

“Like right now?” she asked, her voice a little breathless and annoying filled with relief. She tried to be as self-sufficient as possible. Here she was practically begging to be saved from her own mind. It felt inherently weak and she hated it. Yet, deep inside her, a part of her she tried to ignore, yearned desperately for a connection. 

She had that with Spock, she was internally pushing and pulling between wanting to keep her distance to survive and for once just leaning heavily on someone else. To just grab hold onto another person and never let go. 

“Yes, we should embrace as I feel it will be a more effective method than holding hands.” Spock informed her, La’an looked at him for a long moment. She reconciled in that moment that temporarily at least, she could grab onto Spock. She could for a short while just give into that yearning.

“Ok.” La’an said, they moved in close, it felt awkward for a moment before La’an slid her arms around his waist.

A moment later, his arms circled around her shoulders, he pulled her in close. His arms were strong and sure, his scent clean yet enticing as he wore a light cologne. His body was surprisingly colder than she expected but was soothing. Everything in the moment felt soothing. The noise, the pain, the gnawing presence in her mind, it all faded away until it was just them. 

La’an closed her eyes and took a deep inhale as she luxuriated in his arms. She reminded herself again, that the bond was temporary. She did her best to not think too deeply or identify every new emotion that filtered through. Or how rare it was for her to actually embrace another individual. Instead she emptied her mind and soaked in the moment as she had no idea how long it would last.

“Is it helping?” Spock asked, he adjusted his hold on her, somehow sensing she needed to be held a little tighter. One hand moved slowly up her back and rested just below the base of her neck where her shirt didn’t cover. The skin to skin contact distracted her for a moment as the sensation of it was like some kind of euphoric high. 

“Lieutenant.” he prompted, reminding her that he’d said something.

“Yes, it’s mostly gone.” La’an said truthfully, all she felt was Spock. She listened to his heartbeat wondering if it was supposed to beat so fast. “You may call me La’an as I think we’re a bit beyond formalities at this point.” she said, their embrace and what she was feeling in that moment were definitely too intimate for professional titles.

“I’d offer the same sentiment but my first name might be too difficult for you to pronounce.” Spock said in mild amusement.

“S'chn T'gai,” La’an said. She felt him tense in her arms. “Did I say it wrong?” she asked, she pulled back to see if he was offended. She watched him swallow uncomfortably and shook his head.

“No, you pronounced it correctly but I prefer Spock.” he said, his tone still so formal as he released his hold and stepped back from her. La’an felt the loss of his presence and wondered if maybe she had offended him as he looked distinctly uncomfortable. 

“Spock, it is,” La’an replied. She didn’t really know what to say or do. No, that was a lie, she knew exactly what she wanted but she was too much of a coward to ask.

“I have to return to my duties, perhaps another time.” Spock said, La’an nodded and inwardly felt strangely disappointed. For half a moment she wasn’t sure if it was her disappointment or his. “If you need anything, let me know,” he added.

“I will.” La’an said, Spock gave his usual curt nod and left her quarters. She watched as the doors closed, once again she felt incredibly alone.

Spock walked straight from La’an’s quarters to his own. Once inside, he moved to his meditation pillow and immediately knelt down. He needed to quell the emotions and desires welling up within him.

He knew bonding to La’an would not be easy, he knew on some primal level he’d have to fight his urges. But he didn’t think it would happen this soon or for him to feel so affected by something so innocuous as hearing her say his first name. 

He wondered if perhaps there was something in La’an’s physiology that had been triggered by Torrin’s bond. Or perhaps he’d been too late as he feared some version of Pon Farr was surfacing in her. He felt her need, it was more than a yearning to be held.

The way she felt in his arms, her toned warm body pressed against his. The way her voice sounded when she had said his name. It was not in any means a sexual invitation but he felt his thoughts go wayward. He needed to reign it in as he didn’t need his emotional state affecting La’an. Not after he promised her that everything would be ok.

He told himself, he just needed to meditate and remember himself. To remember why he did this and that it was temporary. In three days, they would reach Vulcan. Torrin would be with his true mate. Spock and La’an would sever their bond and their relationship would return to what it was. 

He took a deep inhale and exhaled slowly before he closed his eyes. He kept his breathing slow and even as he reached mentally to find his centre. It took a long 5 minutes but he was able to finally let go and get into the right headspace to meditate. He thought of nothing, his mind blissfully empty and calm as focussed solely on his breathing.

Chapter Text

Spock entered the guest quarters after he was unsurprisingly summoned by Ambassador Syvar at 0200 hours. He knew exactly why he was summoned, he’d heard the change in the ship’s engines. The ship had slowed down which was not good for any of them. Never in Spock’s life had he ever desired to return to Vulcan as swiftly as he did now.

“Lt. Spock." Syvar said.

"Ambassador," Spock said, his eyes drifted to Torrin who knelt on a cushion a few feet away. He appeared to be in deep meditation but Spock was not fooled. "Torrin." he greeted.

Torrin's eyes opened, he rose from floor and looked at Spock in a predatory manner. "Hybrid," Torrin greeted, Spock's lips quirked in a faint smile for half a second. He knew was being baited, it was very predictable on Torrin's part.

Spock denied him the reaction he sort. Instead he clasped his hands behind his back and turned his attention back to Syvar. Showing the older man deference due to his station. But he knew it would annoy Torrin, the man was spoiling for a fight given he couldn't get near La'an to feed his blood fever. 

"I've been informed that the ship is experiencing engine issues due to an inexperienced cadet being put in charge. That there will be a day's delay in returning to Vulcan." Syvar said.

"Cadets learn through hands on experience. If you had informed us to the gravity of the situation, then the Captain would order the ship to go post haste to Vulcan." Spock said, he felt Torrin move around him physically but also telepathically. The energy in the room seemed crackle as Torrin's emotions were boiling so close the surface.

"I refuse to allow Torrin's condition become public." Syvar told him.

"You might not have an option as the Captain and Commander are still asking questions about what Torrin did to Lt Noonien-Singh." Spock told him.

"You didn't tell them?" Torrin asked, he looked genuinely surprised and somewhat pleased.

"Of course not, but do not take my silence as condoning your repugnant behaviour." Spock told him.

"As if you're any better, stealing my female." Torrin said scathingly.

"He was cleaning up your mess." Syvar cautioned him.

"And I still am as I have a possible solution that will work to urge the Captain to speed up the journey to Vulcan. Assuming everyone can keep their stories consistent.” Spock offered, as that had been their problem from the beginning.

“Then what do you suggest?” Syvar asked.

“At 0800 hours, You will ask for an audience with the Captain, myself, Lt Noonien-Singh and Commander Chin Riley. You will inform us that Torrin has a degenerative neurological disease. He has lost control of his ability to control his emotions and he became violent with her.” Spock said.

“You’d make my son out to be nothing but a rabid animal?!” Syvar scoffed in disbelief, the strain of the situation was starting to take a toll on the older man. He realised his own emotions were leaking as he straightened his back and slid back under his perfectly crafted mask of stoicism.

“The humans have a concept of temporary insanity, to explain away acts of violence that a person wouldn't normally commit or commit again. They will show compassion and understanding.” Spock assured him.

“And what pray tell did the female say to make him snap as you put it so eloquently?” Syvar asked.

“Lt Noonien-Singh can be quite vexing to converse with at times. It is something that is well known among the crew. So, it is believable that she could make even the calmest of people snap.” Spock said as he'd felt his patience tested by her at times.

"I think we should tell them the truth." Torrin said, Spock looked at him, he saw the dark hunger clawing within. 

"Perhaps you should return to meditating.” Syvar advised Torrin.

“Why? This involves me, I am suffering from something only Lt Noonien-Singh can cure. I am constantly told how accommodating Starfleet is. Here I am, in dire need. I’m sure, Captain Pike could order her to submit to me.” Torrin said, his eyes danced with dark amusement as he was clearly accustomed to getting his way.

“He won’t do that.” Spock promised him.

“He will when I slip through that protective shell you’ve telepathically constructed around her and make her burn as I do for her. Then I can only save her, I would be a hero.” Torrin taunted him in a low voice.

“You would be many things, but a hero would not be one of them.” Spock said, before Torrin could argue, Syvar grabbed his son by the neck and performed a Vulcan nerve pinch. 

“I am growing weary of this.” Syvar said as he eased his son’s unconscious body to the floor. Spock raised a questioning eyebrow as he wondered how many times Syvar had rendered his son unconscious in that manner.

“Perhaps you should have him placed in a medically induced coma.” Spock suggested.

“His body will metabolise sedatives before they can be useful. You need to fortify your mating bond with Lt Noonien Singh, I can tell it's weak. Torrin will exploit it.” Syvar told him, Spock narrowed his eyes in suspicion. 

“Why the sudden advice?” Spock asked.

“Our goals are the same, even if our motives are different. I will meet with the Captain at 0800 hours as you suggested.” Syvar told him.

La’an hadn’t slept a wink since Spock left for the evening. She tried but her mind and body were buzzing, she couldn’t concentrate enough to work. So, she cleaned her quarters, recycled her dirty clothes for fresh ones, and reorganized her personal weapons locker. 

When none of that calmed her, she worked out. She thought she could exhaust herself, she definitely felt tired but every time she tried to close her eyes. They just refused to stay shut. She hadn’t felt this restless since the mind meld with Spock. Correction, this was worse than that time.

La’an looked at the clock as it read 3am, she scrubbed her face with her hands. She laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She wondered if Spock was awake, she knew he didn’t need as much sleep as humans. She reached out to him, she didn’t know how she was doing it but she could feel him. Not his emotions as they seemed blurry in her mind, like he was obscuring them from her.  

But he felt him nearing her quarters. She rose from her bed and headed to the door. She didn’t even bother to wait for him to press the call button when she opened it. She had to admit she enjoyed the slight surprise in his expression.

“May I come in?” he asked, La’an nodded as she motioned for him to enter.

“I assume you felt my insomnia, was it annoying you?” she asked as she sat down on the couch. Spock followed her and perched himself on the couch beside her. His back ramrod straight but for some reason he seemed even more tense than usual. 

“No,” Spock answered, La’an wasn’t sure of which question he was answering.

“Then why are you here?” she asked.

“I felt your yearning for company through the bond and I wanted to be here. May I hold you, La’an?” he asked earnestly. La’an looked at him for a long moment as she was surprised by his confession of wanting to be with her, to hold her. As if he desired it, instead of it being an obligation.

“I might fall asleep on you.” La’an half joked.

“Then we should go to bed where you’ll be more comfortable. Come.” Spock said, he rose from the couch and took her hand. She let him lead her to the bed, the sheets were still a mess from when she’d attempted to sleep. 

La’an remained silent, she feared if she spoke, she'd say something stupid that would make him leave. So, instead she watched him toe out of his boots and neatly lined them to the end of the bed. He pulled off his uniform top. He didn’t even wait for permission as he laid down on the bed. Never in her wildest fantasies had imagined Spock would be laying in her bed.

She climbed in next him, he opened his arm and La’an tucked herself neatly into his side. She rested her head on his shoulder, her hand on his chest. His arm circled around her. She felt the tension and noise drain away from her. She took a deep inhale, drawing comfort and strength from him. She had a feeling his intoxicating male scent would forever be imprinted on her brain. Even when their bond was over, she’d miss this the most and it was the first time they’d ever laid like this. 

“Spock, is everything ok?” La’an asked softly. Curiosity got the better of her as she felt like something was bothering him.

“Torrin is deteriorating quickly, Syvar is doing his best but I am concerned.” Spock said. He didn’t know how to tell her what Torrin had said but also didn't want her to be afraid. 

“Concerned for Torrin?” La’an asked incredulously.

“No, I am concerned for you. He continues to test our bond, I am trying to block him but his telepathic abilities are stronger than mine.” Spock confessed.

He hated how weak it made him sound, but it was just another flaw he possessed from having human genes. If he were pureblood Vulcan, he doubted this would happen. He would be strong enough to protect her and there would be no room for doubt. Though the reality was, if he'd been born a full blooded Vulcan, his life would have been completely different and La'an would've been left to fend for herself. 

“I guess it would have helped if I was telepathic.” La’an sighed, as if her inadequacy was the reason. 

“I do not know, I have never been in this situation to know what would remedy the situation.” Spock said honestly.

“What are we going to do?” La’an asked.

“I have a few ideas. But right now, you should get some rest.” Spock told her, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

He didn’t even think about it, it just felt natural to do so. Just as natural as their feet slowly entwined, there was nothing stiff or uncomfortable about the embrace. If anything, it felt like they’d been laying like this every night for years instead of it being the first time.

A few hours later, La’an slowly woke up feeling as incredibly well rested and lazily satisfied. A small smile played on her lips as she felt the comfort of Spock’s large frame curled around her back. One of his arms fully embraced her, while the other reached over and held her hand on the mattress.

La’an would normally baulk at being held in such a possessive manner. She normally hated clingy bed partners. She preferred to send them packing before the afterglow of her orgasm faded. 

But this was different, it was more intimate than any previous sexual encounter she had had in the past and they were both still fully clothed. The bond gave her a sense of security and comfort but there was something more, it was Spock. She knew he could lie to her, manipulate her like any other person could. But she believed in his sincerity, she felt she knew him in a way only few people did. 

Here as she laid half awake, her mind pleasantly drifting, she knew he was asleep. She could feel the bond between them strengthening and evolving, she could feel small the tiny tendrils of his own deepest desires sneaking out of that invisible wall he placed between them. He yearned for this as much as she did.

La’an looked at their hands, she felt the strangest urge come over to stroke his hand, to trail her fingers over his. To memorise the peaks and valleys, the map of fine lines and scars, the swirls of his fingerprints. She could see kept exceptional care of himself, his hands were no exception. 

Before she even realised it, her hand was moving sensually over his. He didn’t seem to mind or even wake up, his fingers flexed open as if inviting her to continue. She never thought of a hand as an erogenous zone before. But it was now, the pleasure rolled through her, she let out a breathless moan. Her body flushed with sluggish arousal. 

Spock shifted in closer, she felt his erection press into her back, hot and ready. She closed her eyes, the sensations rolled through her body as she imagined him inside her, filling her. Her body ached, her clit pulsed in a steady beat, her knickers grew wet with her arousal. Lust like nothing she had ever felt before burned through the last vestiges of her fatigue. She was now fully awake, she knew Spock was too as his hand that she had been caressing before closed tightly over hers. His body felt taut as he held her in place. 

La’an squirmed against him in need of relief, unable to stop her body’s responses. She pushed her hips back against his erection and let out a soft moan as it wasn’t enough. Spock gave a muffled groan, a delicious shiver ran through her body as the sound only increased her arousal. 

“La’an, we should talk first,” Spock said, he let out another groan and pressed his forehead into her shoulder as he fought to keep control of himself. He had fallen asleep only to awaken to La’an’s tight body pressed against his. The scent of her arousal was so strong he could drown in it. Her caressing his hand in the most obscene manner that no Vulcan could resist. How she even knew to do that was something he’d investigate later. 

As of right now, he needed to stop his most primal urges from taking over. It was not easy, every instinct in his body told him to strip her bare and take her. To slake the fire that burned within her. It was only just the beginning of her blood fever. Something he never thought a human could possibly suffer from, but La’an was indeed suffering. But it was just starting to emerge, he knew from past history with T’Pring that they had maybe a day or two before La’an would completely succumb. There was much they needed to do before then.

“It’s happening, the blood fever.” La’an whispered, Spock knew he would possibly regret it later as he loosened his hold on her. 

She shifted and turned to face him, her pupils were blown, her breathing was short but measured, he could tell she was trying to fight it even though her body wrapped itself around him. He let it happen, as he felt he could better control her and himself in their current position. 

But it was a lie, it didn’t make it any easier, if anything it was harder, much harder. He grabbed her hip hard and managed to hold her still. His heart pounded in his chest, his erection throbbed and pressed painfully in the unforgiving fabric of his pants. She felt so incredibly hot against him. The front of his pants grew damp as La’an’s arousal soaked through the layers between them. 

Vulcans normally ran hotter during Blood fever, but La’an was human, her body temperature was already warmer than his. He couldn’t even begin to conceive how hot she would be but a part of him couldn’t wait to find out. He couldn’t wait to sink into that inferno. He closed his eyes as he took a moment to remember that he had to focus, there was time for everything else later.

“I believe so, but we need to talk about Torrin.” Spock said, mentioning Torrin’s name seemed to cool her ardour as he felt her pull away. But he held onto her, a dark need to show her he was in charge.

“New rule, don’t mention him in my bed.” she told him, her tone was cold. He felt the flash of anger but her body was still in the throes of a strong need for completion. 

“Syvar is calling a meeting with the Captain, we need to get our stories straight before then. After the meeting, I will be all yours. You can do whatever you wish with me.” he promised. He meant it, he would do anything to please her.

He recognised in that moment that even he had to be careful as he could be pulled under her power and vice versa. They would be outed in a heartbeat. He watched La’an’s reaction shift from thoughtful to an expression of predatory anticipation of pleasure. 

“Anything I want?” She asked slyly, he inclined his head in silent confirmation of her question.

“Trust me, the waiting will be unbearable but it will be worth it.” Spock promised, as he needed her to focus for what time she had left before she truly succumbed. 

He knew it was wrong of him to use sexual manipulation to get La’an’s cooperation. He could justify the means later, but for right now he didn’t have any other way of motivating her. They both needed to take the easiest solutions at hand and worry about the fallout later. 

“Right now, I need you to take deep breaths. To calm down.” Spock told her. He gently caressed the tip of his nose up her cheek and then ghosted a kiss over her lips. He caught her hands in his and directed them to his chest. He watched as her eyes closed, she dropped her head and tried to calm her breathing.

“How long before it gets worse?” she asked, he felt her struggle and did his best to calm her through the bond. It seemed to work as she started to take deeper breaths.

“Maybe a day. But if we indulge right now, I fear it will accelerate it.” He told her, La’an nodded as she seemed to find the strength to reign in her body’s impulses. She relaxed her grip on him and pulled away from him. 

Spock already missed the contact but understood completely. He moved to sit up and put some more physical space between them. But his legs still touched hers.

“Sorry.” She said, the haze of desire dying down as she sat up in bed and pushed her hands through her hair. 

“Don’t be, you’re not at fault and I was enjoying myself as much you will later.” Spock admitted, he enjoyed the faint smile on her lips.

“I’m trying to not think about sex or how much I want to fuck you right now.” She said bluntly, Spock inwardly smiled as it was nice to be wanted even if it was fever induced. But then he reminded himself that even before the bond, before Torrin there was an unspoken attraction between them. They never indulged it as Spock had been in a bond with T’Pring.

“Would it help to put more physical space between us?” Spock asked.

“No, if you get up I’ll be even more distracted. Just tell me what I need to know for the meeting.” La’an told him.

Half an hour later, La’an left Spock’s side as they went their separate ways. The urge to chase him down and jump his bones was strong. She’d been horny before, every month she had a couple days where she was climbing the walls for sex. Usually her vibrator and hands were enough but this was different. She felt almost feral as her thoughts raced a million miles an hour curating the obscene list of things she wanted Spock to do to her and vice versa.

But he was right, they needed to settle the investigation, she needed to eat. Though if she were honest, she could’ve happily stayed in bed like that for the rest of the day. But Spock’s carefully constructed cover story needed to be implemented. 

That meant a frigidly cold shower, putting on clothes, stuffing away fantasies and getting back to ‘normal’ whatever that meant as she never felt like she had attained it.

She headed to the mess for breakfast. On the way she tried valiantly to remain calm and collected, but she was already sweating, her body hummed with pent up sexual frustration. Her thoughts were completely wayward as she remembered the feel of his erection pressed against her. His slightly cooler smooth skin under her hot hands, the taste of his skin, the musky scent of his arousal- 

“La’an?”

La’an jumped slightly,  her cheeks burned as her heart sped up, so much for feeling calm and collected as she was sprung having sexual fantasies about Spock. In public, no less. She turned to Una, wondering how she was going to explain her distraction.

“Hey are you ok? Una asked with a concerned expression. La’an wondered how long she’d been standing there deep in her thoughts.

“Yeah, I just- I’m fine.” La’an said.

“You looked almost like you were almost in a fugue state there.” Una half joked.

“Yeah, I-”

“Remembering how you were attacked in the mess?” Una asked in a low voice, it was still early, so there weren’t many people around to overhear them.

“Yes.” La’an said as she’d much rather talk about that than delve into what she was really thinking.

In that moment, she realised she was standing right where she had passed out from Torrin’s attack. Just the reminder of the attack brought forth all the memories. But it wasn’t Torrin that came to mind, it was the memories of her scrambling, the blood streaking across the white floor. 

That feeling of fear and dread of being hunted. She could feel it rise within her, the panic bubbled out of slew of emotions. The oily feeling that had felt like faint stains seemed to seep into her consciousness.

Everything suddenly felt very far away, her ears began to ring. Una was talking but La’an couldn’t hear her.

Then like bulkhead doors slamming shut, all that noise was locked away. La’an blinked and she was back in the present. She felt somewhat drained as she wavered on her feet not understanding what had just happened.

“La’an, hey, It’s ok, you’re safe.” Una said as she dragged her to a nearby table and sat her down. She rubbed La'an's arms as it used to help anchor La'an in the past when she was a child.

“I know.” La’an said. She swallowed as she felt a little nauseous.

“You sure you’re ok? You’re looking a little pale and sweating. I thought for a moment you were going to pass out.” Una told her, she tried to take La'an's temperature with the back of her hand but La'an pulled away.

“Yes, Dr M’Benga said my body would take a few days for it to regulate itself properly again. So, I’m going from hot to cold at the drop of a hat. I just need some food and something to drink. I’ll be fine, I promise. ” La’an lied as she had no idea if she would be fine. Spock didn’t exactly explain what the blood fever would feel like. She wondered if this was normal.

“Ok, let’s, now, let’s get you something to eat, I know you didn’t eat much yesterday.” Una said, she rose to her feet and headed to the matter synthesisers and ordered up two breakfasts with the works.  She returned to the table and sat down with the food and drinks. “Eat.” she ordered.

“How’s the investigation going?” La’an asked.

“Well, now that you remember, it will go faster. Torrin and Ambassador Syvar are stonewalling me which tells me they are hiding something.” Una said, she poured an inordinate amount of hot sauce on her meal.

“Torrin attacked me.” La’an said, she took a sip of her juice and forced herself to eat some of the breakfast.

“I figured when we couldn’t find the mystery attacker Torrin claimed attacked you both. But let’s not talk about it, I want you to get something into your stomach and then I’m escorting you back to your quarters where you will rest for the day.” Una told her before she dug into her meal.

“I don’t need time off.” La’an argued out of habit more than anything else.

“You may not think so, but looking at you, I can see you only got maybe 4 hours sleep. You need more and right now, the ship can temporarily survive without its Chief of Security.” Una assured her.

“Ok, I'll take a dew days off.” La’an conceded as she knew better than to fight Una. Una’s PADD beeped with a message, Una tapped on it with her pinkie finger and raised an eyebrow.

“What is it?” La’an asked as if she didn’t already know.

“Captain wants to see us, eat another two bites and we’ll head up.” she told La’an.

Chapter Text

0800 hours on the dot, Spock stepped into the Captain’s ready room. Ambassador Syvar appeared to have taken his advice, but Spock knew better than to expect 100% compliance. If anything Spock was as humans often said ‘expecting the other shoe to drop’.

“Captain, Ambassador.” Spock greeted them.  

“We’re just waiting on Lt Noonien-Singh and Number One.” Chris informed him, Spock looked at Syvar, he hoped he stuck to the plan. Although there was a small part of him that wished Syvar would tell the truth. Of course they’d all be in more trouble but it meant Spock wouldn’t have to lie to his commanding officers whom he considered to be his friends.

Spock reflexively turned his head to the door as he felt La’an nearing the ready room. The bond was growing deeper and stronger as the blood fever burned within La’an. What had been a simmer when they were together in bed earlier, was now at boiling point. Spock could only speculate that Torrin’s continuous intrusions had accelerated it. But Spock couldn’t be certain as they were in an unprecedented situation.

He had felt the man slip under his defenses an hour ago while Spock tended to himself in the shower. There was no mistaking that oily viscous feeling attempting to ooze through every weak point it could find in the bond. Spock made a point to telepathically fill those cracks but Torrin kept creeping back in, it was becoming incredibly frustrating. 

Torrin had the upper hand of no longer focussing his telepathy inwards, it made him in essence more powerful. Spock didn’t have that luxury, he knew the only way to block Torrin out completely was to truly bond with La’an. To fully accept her as his mate. 

So far, he had been holding back, hoping a formal bond would be enough. He could keep his distance emotionally as he offered her the stability and comfort she needed. He had also been mentally preparing for physical sexual intimacy. Sure it created and built deeper emotional and telepathic pathways in the bond. But whether he wanted to tap into them was optional or had been, now the option was no longer available.

He had to fully bond with her, to protect her as he promised. He had been reticent to cross that line, to let her fully in because he knew his emotions were overwhelming for a Vulcan. He didn’t want to inflict that on La’an. He was supposed to be her source of stability and comfort. Not add to her turmoil. He wondered if a full bond would ease her blood fever.

Spock momentarily closed his eyes and reached through the bond to her. He was immediately met with burning heat and desire, he fought not to blush as he suppressed his body’s urge to respond. Her blood fever was progressing faster than even he anticipated. But then he didn’t fully understand augment biology and how it differed from a human of ‘unrefined’ genetics. 

The doors to the ready room opened, Spock was immediately hit with the scent of La’an’s heat. Spock immediately shut his walls down and focussed his control inwards. He needed to make sure Chris and Una didn’t see how La’an affected him. He needed to act ‘normal’ when every instinct in him screamed at him to take La’an, to make her his. But that was for later, for now they all had a part to play, and Spock was not going to be one responsible for it all falling apart especially given it was his plan.

“Please, everyone have a seat.” Chris gestured to the long table. He took his usual seat at the head, Una sat at his right hand, while Ambassador Syvar sat on the left side of the table, a chair down.

Spock took up the next chair to Una, La’an followed as she sat next to him. Even though they didn’t touch, she felt like a hot mess, her cheeks burning, a light sheen of sweat covered her skin. Her heart raced, her body hummed, her skin itched in her uniform. All she wanted to do was tear it off and undo her braids. The closer she got to Spock, the more indecent her thoughts became. The ache between her legs grew, her clit pulsed, all of her ached to be touched by him. To press herself against him.

She closed her eyes and took a deep inhale and exhale to calm herself. But it only made it worse as she could smell Spock. He smelt so good, it was like all her senses were heightened in regards to him. She mentally reached for him in the bond, to feel his comforting presence but was met with cold, nothingness. It hurt.

“Lieutenant Noonien-Singh, are you ok?” Chris asked, he and Una looked at her with concern.

“Yes, Captain.” La’an said, but she knew she wasn’t very convincing but Chris and Una let it go for the moment. But La’an knew they would not let it go, they were like a dog with a bone when it came to their crew’s health.

“I would like to discuss why we’re here so Lt Noonien-Singh can return to her quarters given she is clearly ill.” Syvar said, La’an appreciated that he wasn’t going to waste time. Even though she didn’t appreciate how he looked at her with disgust.

“I would also appreciate that as I have other matters I need to attend to.” Spock said in a cold tone as if he were annoyed being there. La’an didn't dare look at him, instead she focussed on a small dent in the surface of the table.

For the first time since their bond, she couldn’t feel him and the usual sense of calm and steadiness. It was like some an insurmountable wall formed between them. She was alone. It felt gut wrenchingly horrible, La’an wondered if maybe he’d changed his mind. Maybe he’d sensed her thoughts and found them repulsive to his Vulcan sensibilities. 

Tears of frustration and rejection pricked La’an’s eyes. She blinked them back, vainly trying to keep some semblance of composure. But the emotional toll was becoming unbearable. Her mind would not let her have peace, it reminded her that she didn’t ask for any of it. She bonded to Spock, he said he'd help, yet he blocked her out. She had felt his yearning that morning, but she must have misinterpreted that it was for her. She was mortified as she wondered if he had lied to her, just to get away from her. 

La’an’s fists balled on her legs as she tried to stop her thoughts and emotions from spiralling out. But it was hard, she felt like a freak no one of worth would want. She could only imagine what Chris and Una were thinking of her. She could only imagine the worst.

“I would first like to apologise for our subterfuge but it is a deeply shameful situation that my son finds himself in. I felt it was my duty to protect him.” Syvar stated, he didn’t look apologetic in the least. La'an's lips twisted into a wry closed lip smile as it was just as she expected.

“What shameful situation would that be?” Una asked in a careful tone as it would be so easy to misinterpret the older Vulcan’s words.

“Torrin is suffering from a degenerative neurological disease. It is the reason we are returning to Vulcan as he requires specialised medical care. I didn’t realise how far gone he was until he attacked Lt Noonien Singh.” Syvar explained in a calm, almost bored manner.

“And lied about it.” Una said, La’an continued to focus on the dent in the table. It was the only was to stop herself from acting out as she didn't know if she'd cry or fly into a rage. She didn't want either to happen, she despised feeling so utterly out of control.

“Torrin is on a path to greatness. I do not want his reputation to be ruined by one minor indiscretion. I told him to lie. So, I am at fault here, which is why I hope you will all agree that this matter be settled and remain between us.” Syvar told them, his tone seemed to make it clear that he considered the matter settled and wished to move on. 

However, his words got under La’an’s skin, anger flared within her as her entire world was being shifted off its axis. Syvar made it sound like Torrin had accidentally bumped into her and forgot to apologise. As if his actions were of no consequence at all.

“It’s hardly settled, your son should be under medical supervision in medbay given he's ill.” Chris told him.

“Or the brig to maintain the safety of the crew.” La’an said unable to remain silent. Her tone sharp as she didn’t bother to hide her anger. But she managed to keep control of herself and not shout or scream.

“I am perfectly capable of caring for my son. I only need us to return to Vulcan as quickly as possible.” Syvar said, addressing Chris and no one else as he didn’t want to acknowledge La’an at all.

“What exactly happened?” Chris asked, Syvar gave him an impatient look.

“I see you wish to drag this out.” he drawled patronisingly, Chris shot him a look that must have hit a nerve as Syvar obliged him, “My son told me that Lt Noonien-Singh was not at fault. She said something ignorant, he thought it best to attempt a mindmeld to make her understand. She rightly defended herself and fled. I would like to remind you all that he was not rational at the time due to his illness.” Syvar explained, Una and Chris exchanged looks of deep concern at this turn of events. 

La’an wondered how they would react if they knew the truth. Part of her was tempted to tell them because she wanted to be acknowledged, to be entitled to her anger. But she also didn’t want it to be on her record. She didn’t want her legacy to be always seen as a victim. 

“A poorly attempted mindmeld or one that is disconnected in an abrupt manner can have devastating physiological and psychological effects on both parties.” Spock said, a little too well performed in La’an’s opinion. But she kept quiet as she reigned in her anger.

“Indeed, it is why Vulcans are always reminding humans that mind melds are not a tool for therapy or to source information from enemy combatants. So, I hope now you all are aware of the truth. Can we let this go?” Syvar asked them.

“That is up to Lt Noonien-Singh.” Chris said, La’an blinked in surprise as she hadn’t expected him to defer to her. There were so many ways she’d love to torture Torrin for what he was putting her through. But the sick fuck would probably enjoy it and she frankly wanted to wash her hands of it all. 

“As long as your son remains in his quarters for the rest of the journey. Then I consider the matter closed for myself.” La’an stated she saw Una and Chris’ surprised expressions and tried not to let it get to her.

“Excellent, I await the news on how long it will take to reach Vulcan and thank you for your time.” Syvar said, he rose from his chair and fled the room.

“Ok.” Chris said, surprised at the man’s abrupt exit. La’an and Spock could tell their commanding officers were not entirely satisfied with the resolution carefully crafted and handed to them.

“I’ll place security guards outside Torrin’s quarters.” La’an stated, she began to rise from her chair as she desperately needed to leave the room but Chris waved her back down. La'an inwardly groaned as she sat down.

“Lieutenant, please stay. Spock, Number One, you may go.” Chris said, he dismissed them. La’an looked back at that small dent in the table as Una and Spock left the room. She didn’t want to see their faces.

After Spock and Una left, Chris moved to Spock’s empty seat and sat down. He turned and faced La’an. They sat in silence for a long moment. La’an felt like they were in a stare down. 

She could almost feel him seeing the cracks forming in her protective walls. The urge to just confess grew in her. It was one of Chris’ gifts. He was incredibly observant and had an endearing yet annoying quality that made one want to pour out their entire life story and feelings to him. 

“Are you certain you want this case to be closed?” Chris asked her in all seriousness.

“Yes.” La’an answered firmly, she hated how the tears welled in her eyes. She didn’t want to cry but her body seemed to have a mind of its own. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She blinked back the tears as she looked at anywhere but him.

“La’an, I know how intimate a mindmeld can be. To have one forced on you, is a form of assault and I’ve been told that Torrin placed a telepathic suggestion to silence you. I’m worried your willingness to let this go so quickly is that you’re still influenced in some way. That you’re fighting it, which is why you’re ill,” Chris stated.

La’an softly shook her head. She’d given this a lot of thought and yes, he was right. But there was no proof and no form of justice to be had. It hurt to know that just like her family’s death this would also be another injustice she’d have to carry with her.

“Torrin is covered by diplomatic immunity. If we- I push it, he gets a slap on the wrist. It would follow me the rest of my career. It’s hard enough for me as the descendant of an infamous Augment and a Gorn survivor. I don’t want to keep struggling for the rest of my career,” La’an told him.

“La’an, your record is exceptional-”

“You’re not like other Captains. My previous commissions, my COs, they were exceptional leaders, I learnt a lot from them but they never treated me as you do.” La’an confessed as she needed him to know he wasn’t like other captains. There was a reason why she chose to stay on the Enterprise beyond Una being on board and how it would look on her record. “I appreciate that about you, but I am asking you to please let this go.” La’an begged him, Chris looked at her for a long moment before he nodded his acceptance of her choice. But for some reason, she felt like he was disappointed in her.

“Alright, I accept your decision,” he told her.

“Thank you,” La’an said as she rose from her chair as she knew when she was being dismissed. She made moves to leave when he spoke again.

“And La’an?” he asked, La’an turned to look at him as he remained seated at the table.

“Yes, Captain?” La’an asked.

“Take it easy for the next few days. Mindmelds even when they are consensual can take a lot out of a person.” He told her.

“I will, thank you Sir.” La’an said sincerely, he offered her a kind smile before he gave a nod to dismiss her. La’an left the briefing room.

Spock watched as La’an stepped out of the briefing room. She spotted him in a second, their eyes locked. He frowned as he saw her hurt expression, feelings of sadness, resignation, disappointment and acceptance rolled off her in sickening waves. He didn’t understand and wondered what Chris had said to her, what she might have told Chris.

He followed her as she went straight for the turbolift. He barely made it through the door before she ordered the computer to take them to the level where their quarters were.

“La’an, are you ok?” he asked, he felt her nausea as her emotions conflicted with the undeniable heat brewing between them. He watched as she closed her eyes and took slow, measured breaths.

“Like you care,” La’an drawled in a cold tone. 

“Of course I do,” Spock said. La’an slammed the emergency stop button. The turbolift ground to a halt as she turned to him. Her eyes narrowed, he felt the harsh and bright flare of anger within.

“Computer, privacy setting.” the lighting in the turbolift shifted to indicate they could speak freely, La’an allowed herself to snap, ”You have a funny way of showing you care as you completely shut me out in there! Does my heat disgust you? do I disgust you so much tha-” she was cut off as Spock kissed her. He hadn’t understood how she felt but as she spoke, he did, she had felt rejected. He knew words could never be enough, so he showed her instead. He opened himself to her emotionally and telepathically as he poured everything into the kiss. 

La’an was momentarily shocked by his brazen move. But all of La’an’s accusations and questions were answered as she felt everything he felt for her. Maybe even more than he was willing to acknowledge himself. He wanted her just as desperately as she was craving him. That same dark, feral hungry need clawed out from the iron grip they’d kept on it.

The bond between them flourished to life in a way she had never felt before. It was an utterly intoxicating feeling of chaos, some of their emotions intertwined while others warred.  

The kiss turned brutal, neither knowing if they were punishing the other, fighting for dominance or just so desperate to release what they felt in a physical way. But they needed it, they needed to drown in each other and let go. They did.

Spock pushed her against the wall. One hand protectively cupped the back of her head from the impact. While La’an jumped him, her legs wrapped around his waist, his other hand gripped her backside. They both groaned as he ground his pelvis into hers.

After a heartbeat, he started to move, he didn’t bother taking it slow as there was no real guess work with a bond. He could feel her pleasure as much as his own. La’an undulated her hips, matching his rhythm as the hard length of hot, engorged flesh pressed firmly against her swollen clit, making her gasp in her own building ecstasy with every grind and thrust.

“Oh God, don’t stop,” La’an begged breathlessly. She clung to him shamelessly as her pleasure climbed, higher and higher.  

His lips covered hers, his tongue plunging deep. He kissed her like a man utterly possessed. He kneaded her luscious curves, the scent of her enveloped him. Her fevered skin slid hot and beautiful against his like a hot summer’s day on Vulcan. He couldn’t wait to feel her naked body pressed against his. To sink into her inferno. 

“More,” La’an demanded as she urged him on. Spock obliged, he buried his face in her neck. The sounds of their heaving breathing mixed with moaning, the friction of fabric filled the turbolift. Her fingers dug into him as she frantically worked her hips against his. Trying to come, but it wasn’t enough.

She needed him inside her, to feel the pleasurable burn as he stretched her, the scent of their skin and feel his cum fill her. The mental imagery paired with him grinding against her in just the right way in an unrelenting sensual assault was too much and at the same time not enough. She needed more. 

“Spock, I need more-” 

“No, not here.” Spock told her.

“Please.” She begged, they both knew what she needed but Spock couldn’t. He refused to fuck her in the turbolift. Nor was it ideal for him to cum in his pants like a pubescent boy but he refused to have their first coupling in the turbolift. So, he gave her the next best thing.

He slid one hand under her uniform and grasped the soft skin of her flank. He nuzzled her neck, the skin to skin contact was necessary. He kept the brutal pace with his hips as he used the bond to telepathically connect with her.

The turbolift disappeared for a moment, La’an cried out, as what happened was fast, and in a disjointed manner as Spock’s thoughts and control were fraying. Images, sensations of his hands, tongue, lips trailed over her skin, she felt him thrust into her with a single deep thrust. It felt real, but at the same time not, rationally she knew it wasn’t. But her body couldn’t tell the difference. Her mind didn’t care, as he was started to fuck her. That was what it was, it was not soft, gentle love making. It was hot, hard and fast, almost feral just as she craved it, she felt her orgasm just within reach.

Spock felt her orgasm build, her clit pulsed and her inner walls contracted, he telepathically pushed her, she came hard, drenched him with her slick. Her heat, the strong scent of her washed over him. Spock lost control of  everything. The telepathic connection snapped, they were back to being in the turbolift. He buried his face in her neck as he made a strangled groan as he came. 

He held onto La’an for a long time before he turned them and slowly sunk to the floor as he needed a moment to recover. He was mentally and emotionally all over the map. 

But somewhere in all that chaos, their emotions finally meshed, it was hard to know where La’an began and he ended. But one thing he did know, in that moment, she felt the same as him. It was incredibly euphoric to be so in sync with another. To feel accepted, made him feel whole and at peace. 

But like all perfect moments, reality sank in. The bond was temporary but he decided then and there to commit to it fully, to commit to La’an. When it was over, he would treasure the memories.

The post orgasmic glow settled in, La’an’s felt her heart start to slowly settle down, her breathing started to come back to her. But there was still an edge of incompleteness, emptiness. She didn’t have him physically inside of her, she stroked his neck and back, her body pressed tightly against him, as if still searching for something. Their scents mixed in a tantalisingly earthy manner, she dragged her tongue slowly up the side of his neck.

He sucked in a sharp breath, his erection making its comeback as hands gripped her hips. She was sure she’d have bruises and didn’t care. She pulled her head back and cupped Spock’s face in her hands.

She softly traced his lips with her thumb, the fever within her died down to slow burning embers. He was surprised by her tenderness, she felt the edge of wariness in him, like he was waiting for her to attack him. She leaned forward to kiss him but just as her lips were about to touch his, the turbolift comms beeped.

“Engineering to Turbolift 37, come in. Please. Is Everything alright in there?” a disembodied voice asked over comms. It was like being doused with cold water as it snapped La’an out of her hazy state. She realised how inappropriate their setting was for what they’d just done. 

“Lt Spock here, what can I help you with?” Spock answered ignoring the question, his curt tone belied how he truly felt. La’an knew as she could feel him in every sense. Right now, she felt his emotions snap back under the iron grip of self control she expected of a Vulcan. The emotions didn’t disappear completely, nor did a wall come up between them. No, his emotions merely faded to background noise. Something she did herself, maybe not to the same extreme as him. 

She took a deep breath in and exhaled, they both found some semblance of self control. 

“You pressed the emergency stop button.” Engineering stated.

“I am aware. We were discussing a private matter. We will resume our journey momentarily, Spock out.” Spock said in a curt manner.

“We should take this somewhere where we won’t get interrupted.” La’an said, she felt certain she could keep her body in check for maybe another 10 minutes. Just enough time to get to one of their quarters.

He looked at her, once he was sure she had control over herself, his grip on her hips loosened. La’an reluctantly pulled away and sat beside him. They let the moment of reprieve from everything just soak in.

“Lieutenant Spock and Lieutenant Noonien-Singh, report to medbay.” came over the internal comms.

“That can’t be good,” La’an groaned as she got to her feet. Her legs were weak like wet noodles, she took a moment to straighten up. She sighed as Spock ran his hand up her spine. Sensations of a relaxing pleasure and energy zipped up her back. 

She turned to him and saw the heat simmering in his eyes, the bond between them felt all encompassing instead of a thin tether line over a distance. To be able to feel him and the emotional wealth he kept suppressed under the perfectly constructed facade he showed the world. It was incredibly special.

“Most likely not, we should change our uniforms.” Spock said as he released the emergency brakes. The turbolift continued its journey to officer country as La’an would need a change of uniform.

“That thing you did with the telepathy. Is that a normal part of -”

“No, not usually and I apologise for doing it without your consent. I should've asked first.” he said as he straightened his uniform, both of them thankful their black trousers were forgiving in hiding the wet patches. But there was no hiding the sweat marks on her uniform. 

“You don’t need to apologise, I enjoyed it, a lot.” she said, she reached up and smoothed his hair. She knew if one strand of it was out of place someone would notice. A small closed lip smile played on her face as he leaned down to give her better access.

“I will keep that in mind, but for now, we should aim to keep our future proclivities to our quarters.” Spock stated.

“I agree. I'm up to date with my birth control and I’m clean.” La’an said, her cheeks tinged as the current state of her uniform was the opposite. She was in desperate need of a shower.

“I am also healthy and up to date with my form of birth control. Do you wish for me to use prophylactics?” he asked.

“No.” La’an replied, she knew it would probably be better if they did. But when the time came, she didn’t want any barriers between them. 

“As you wish,” Spock murmured, his cheeks and neck tinged light green blush as he knew exactly what she was thinking.

“Meet in my quarters after the meeting in medbay?” La’an asked, but before Spock could reply the door to the turbolift opened. La’an cleared her throat and quickly stepped away. They both turned to see Kirk about to step in, but he stopped for a moment and eyed the couple before he wore a confused expression.

“Am I interrupting something?” Kirk asked.

“No, are you getting in or what?” La’an asked in a strident manner.

“Getting in," he stepped into the turbolift and stated where he wanted to go. Kirk sniffed the air and turned to La’an, “Are you wearing a new perfume?” he asked curiously.

“No, why do you ask?” La’an asked, she stepped back as Kirk stepped closer to smell her. Spock stepped between them, it was almost like a shuffle and La’an swapped places.

“Well, something or someone in here smells really, really good.” Kirk took a deep inhale, trying to place the smell, “Do you know who was in here before you guys?” Kirk asked them.

Thankfully the doors opened the deck for the medbay before either of them had to answer. 

“This is my stop.” La’an said. She moved around Kirk without touching him to get off the turbolift. She threw one last look over her shoulder at Spock, he mentally made a note to clear his schedule after their meeting in the medbay.

“So, what was that look all about?” Kirk asked him after the doors closed.

“What look?” Spock asked, pretending not to understand the question.

“You and Lt Noonien-Singh, just then. To be honest, it looked a little heated between you two when the doors opened. You must have got her knickers into a twist about something.” Kirk teased.

“Is that the report you were supposed to submit three days ago?” Spock asked as he changed the subject. He saw the PADD in the man’s hand.

“Yes, sorry, I got behind -”

“I don’t need your excuses, only your work.” Spock said as he held out his hand.

“Right.” Kirk replied, he placed the PADD in Spock’s hand.

Chapter Text

La’an walked into the medbay, in a clean uniform and her hair freshly braided. She wished that the interlude in the elevator would've left her sated long enough to get through the meeting. But it didn’t even last past stripping off her uniform to jump into the shower.

It was hard to get naked and brush her hands over her body and not imagine Spock. To feel the water roll down her body and not think of Spock naked and in the shower with her. To imagine him with her, the steam filled the room as her thoughts leaned towards the explicit. She had to douse herself with cold water which helped somewhat, but not enough.

Her state of libidinousness was becoming unbearable with every step. All she could think of was sex and Spock. Every available surface was potential real estate for fucking. She had never been so horny in her life, her uniform chaffed, she could feel the sweat prickle across her skin. Her heart pounded in her chest in anticipation. She licked her lips and the sensory memories of him surfaced in her mind. 

“Lt Noonien-Singh? La’an?” M’Benga’s voice pierced through a rather erotic thought La’an was having. She cleared her throat and mentally bargained with herself that she only had to maintain some sort of decorum for this meeting now. Then she'd be right on her way to her quarters with Spock not far behind. 

“Yes, Doctor.” La’an said.

“Over here, please,” M’Benga said, gesturing for her to lay down on the bed.

“More tests?” La’an asked as she complied. M’Benga wasted no time as he started running tests. La’an took a fortifying breath as she hoped the results were better than the previous ones. 

“I need to make certain that you’re ok.” M’Benga said. He focussed on his PADD as the results of her scans came in. She saw him frown in displeasure as he clearly wasn't happy with the results.

“I’m fine,” La’an stated.

“You look flushed, like you’re running a fever.” Chapel told her as she sidled up to the bed to assist M’Benga.

“I was exercising when you called,” La’an lied.

“I thought I told you to take it easy.” M’Benga lightly chastised her.

“I am, can we just get this over with so I can get back to my quarters?” La’an asked.

“Of course, it will only be a few more minutes.” M’Benga told her.

La’an stared at the ceiling and tried to empty her mind and not fidget but it was hard. Her body fought to stretch and relieve the tension building in her. After a couple minutes she gave up and started unfurling and curling her fingers at her sides. She felt Spock’s presence envelop her in a vain attempt to calm her agitation. It helped but at the same time didn’t help, she needed him. 

He seemed to understand that as she felt him draw closer to the medbay. It was surprising how the bond had deepened and strengthened since the elevator. She couldn’t say exactly where he was. But she could tell when he was close, the closer they were the more articulate his presence was. 

La’an turned her head as he entered the room. Her heart skipped a beat, she felt herself go lightheaded as she practically creamed herself watching him strode confidently to them. She bit her bottom lip as she drank in his silhouette, she never really gave the uniform much thought. But now, she was appreciating how tightly it hugged his frame. Just as she was mentally undressing him, she rose from the bio be-the thoughts came to an abrupt stop.

La'an blinked a couple of times, disorientated just for a brief moment. She realised she hadn't moved from her bed. But after a moment, she realised Spock gave her the telepathic version of a rubber band snap to make her focus. She didn't know whether to be grateful or mildly annoyed.

“Doctor M’Benga, Nurse Chapel.” Spock said. La’an felt him telepathically snap her again as his voice sent a delicious shiver down her back. She knew she should be grateful but she was mildly annoyed and incredibly turned on how completely unaffected he was on the surface. No one would've guessed only a short time ago he'd been completely unravelled in the turbolift.

“Can you smell that?” Chapel asked.

“Smell what?” La’an asked suspiciously, she couldn’t smell anything out of the ordinary. 

“It’s… I don’t know, it just smells really good. Can’t you guys smell it?” Chapel asked them.

“That would be Lt Noonien-Singh.” M’Benga mused before La’an could answer. La'an shifted her head away as Chapel leaned in close and sniffed her. It was almost reminiscent of when Kirk sniffed her. She didn’t like it at all.

“Oh yeah, it is you.” Chapel said with a smile, “New perfume?” she asked.

“Her body is releasing very potent pheromones,” M’Benga answered before La’an could say anything. 

“Wow, that is a very interesting transition from her earlier symptoms. Do you think it could be a byproduct of her augment genetics or the Pon farr?” Chapel asked as she looked over M’Benga’s shoulder at the results. 

La’an felt Spock grow tense at the mention of ‘Pon farr’ and mortification. She didn’t know what he had to feel mortified about. He wasn’t the one pumping out pheromones that other people could smell. But then betrayal and a sense of suspicion rolled through La’an mixing with Spock’s emotions, as they were feeling the same way. 

“What happened to keeping this between us?” La’an asked M’Benga.

“I needed a medical professional to confer with on your case. Nurse Chapel knows more about your and Spock’s unique biology than anyone else.” M’Benga told her, he turned to Spock who was angry, not that he showed it. But La’an felt it, she wished she wasn’t so inappropriately turned on as she couldn’t focus long enough to be of any use. 

“You didn’t think to ask me first?” La’an asked, trying to remain calm but she was reacting from both her feelings and Spock’s.

“Hey, he wouldn’t have said anything but no physicians on Vulcan would talk with him. They acted like this Pon Farr stuff doesn’t even exist.” Chapel told them.

“It’s taboo to speak of it.” Spock told her through gritted teeth. 

“I don’t see why, everyone has sex. Now, come on, we need to run some scans on you too so we can compare it to Torrin’s and La’an’s.” Chapel said in a casual manner, La’an knew the woman was trying to make Spock comfortable. To show him that it was ok to talk about but Spock looked and felt distinctly uncomfortable. 

Spock complied by laying down on the biobed nearby but La’an felt his displeasure which was a bit of a wet blanket on her arousal. She wanted to comfort him, the horny part of her brain added its two isiks in. 

“You can sit up, now. I need to confer with Nurse Chapel and then we’ll talk.” M’Benga told La’an.

“All done, Mr Spock.” Chapel announced, she and M’Benga moved to possibly the furthest table in the room. It was clear they didn’t want La’an to overhear them. 

She turned her attention to Spock. He sat perched on his bed watching M’Benga and Chapel through narrowed eyes.

“This is not good, Dr M’Benga was reluctant to keep silent on the matter before you- what is wrong?” Spock asked her.

“I think I need you to stop talking.” La’an said, she slid off the bed and moved to the other side as she needed something between them. The man was breathing and she was literally on edge about to orgasm over the most innocuous sentence. Ok, it wasn’t innocuous, she should be worried but couldn’t be rational enough to do so.

“Why?” Spock asked, La’an stifled a moan. She stood up, her back painfully straight as she fought to stay perfectly still.

“Because it is turning me on and you know it. I need you do that telepathic thing,” La’an said in a low voice. She watched his eyes darken with desire, “Not that, the snapping thing that makes me focus.” she told him.

“I would but you were starting to enjoy it which tells me that it is losing its effectiveness.” Spock said in amusement.

“Are you smiling?” she asked incredulously, she could've sworn he was wearing the faintest of smiles on his usually neutral face. 

“No.” Spock replied, she felt how amused and pleased he was at her state. La'an pressed her thighs together as she refused to come in public especially the medbay with M’Benga and Chapel debating their case a few feet away.

“You’re amused. I’m about to cum from you just being you.” La’an said, she gave up the pretence of being ‘ok’ and leaned over the biobed again. “Oh God, I should’ve just shut up.” La’an murmured, “Can you stop?” she begged as the bond between them was edging her closer and closer to coming.

“I have not done anything.” Spock remarked, the word 'yet' hung in the air unsaid. But it was there, teasing her. To any observant one would not see him at fault. He was just being his normal self.

“I can feel your smug satisfaction,” She snapped at him. 

“They are coming back.” Spock informed her, he slid off the bed and stood with his hands behind his back.

“You just had to say come.” La’an groaned as she pushed herself to stand upright. M’Benga and Chapel didn’t even look concerned at La’an’s composure breaking. But she was worried about what they had to say as she felt like they were conspiring against her already. She knew M’Benga didn’t like her being bonded to Spock given the issue of consent. 

“So, we can go now?” La’an asked M’Benga but instead of him answering, Chapel spoke.

“Look, there’s no beating around the bush here. La’an, your body is highly adaptable due to your augment DNA. It’s why you can hold onto genetic disguises hours longer than others. It’s also why you can survive inhospitable climates longer than the average human. But that adaptability can be a double-edged sword like now.” Chapel said with concern but there was an undercurrent of excitement given the geneticist in her was completely rapt.

“We’ve devised a gene therapy that will turn off the genes the Pon Farr tripped in you. Then we’ll use a hormone treatment to help treat the imbalance. Along with medication to manage the side effects.” M’Benga added.

“May I see what you’re proposing,” Spock asked, M’Benga obliged him as he handed his PADD to him to look over La’an’s results and their treatment plan.

“I don’t want it.” La’an said, she had decided how she wanted to ride out her situation. It was not in the medbay drugged out of her mind. 

“Your body is becoming overtaxed, if you continue to endure the Pon Farr there could be detrimental long-term effects,” M’Benga warned her.

“As can your treatment plan, it’s only 4 days that I have to endure this. Once Torrin is off the ship, then it will be over.” La’an argued even as she said it, the argument sounded weak. 

“Lt Noonien-Singh is correct, we’re a little under 72 hours from reaching Vulcan as we’ve increased the ship’s speed. It is presumptuous to assume her current state is permanent or would have long term effects.” Spock stated.

“La’an-” M’Benga started but she cut him off.

“I know my body, I know my limitations.” La’an argued as she didn’t care what the computer told M’Benga and Chapel. 

“May I suggest an alternative?” Spock asked.

“I think you’ve done enough.” Chapel said, her personal feelings showing as it was clear she disapproved of the situation. But Spock ignored her comment as M’Benga looked open to listening to him.

“I know of an intensive Vulcan practice that is used in the early stages, it would help her regulate her body temperature and heart rate. That would greatly reduce the stress her body is enduring at this time.” Spock said as he handed the PADD back to M’Benga.

“You said meditation does not work,” M’Benga argued.

“It does not work for Vulcans trying to circumnavigate this part of our biology. But Lt Noonien-Singh is not Vulcan. I believe with her strong ability to self-regulate her emotions and her martial arts background means that this form of meditation could be beneficial. As we are all aware, we only need to find a temporary solution for this temporary situation.” He stated.

La’an wondered if he was telling the truth or just learning to lie better. She strangely hoped it was the latter as she could not sit across from the man and attempt to meditate in her current state. The more they all talked over her as if she wasn’t there, the more she wanted to escape. Spock sensed her anxiety, she felt herself relax as she felt reassured by him through the bond.

“There is a big difference between martial arts and meditation.” Chapel argued.

“I’ve seen Lt Noonien-Singh practice T'ai chi ch'üan which is a form of martial arts but also has the elements of a meditation practice. So, as you can see, what I am suggesting is not entirely out of her capabilities.” Spock argued.

“I think it is worth a try, but I will want to monitor your progress.” M’Benga told them.

“I won’t be able to relax if I am constantly being watched. If I’m doing this meditation it has to be in my quarters.” La’an said, she hoped that M’Benga didn’t sense her desperation. 

“If you allow me 48 hours to attempt it. If Lt Noonien-Singh’s condition deteriorates further, I will call you.” Spock negotiated.

“I will agree to that on the proviso that we inform the Captain and Number One of this development.” M’Benga said.

“What about my right to privacy?” La’an demanded.

“This is a serious diplomatic issue. They need to know so they can be prepared for when it blows up in our collective faces,” M’Benga told her.

“It won’t, I have myself under control,” La’an said.

“Your pheromone levels are off the charts, you smell amazing to me but what about the rest of the crew? We don’t know how it will affect crewmembers who are more sensitive to scent changes. In fact. Spock, I’m surprised you’re not affected. Vulcans have an intense sense of smell.” Chapel said.

“I can smell a lot of things but I have been taught since a child that it is an invasion of privacy and deemed rude to comment on it,” Spock told Chapel in a cold manner.

“I showered,” La’an said defensively as she could only detect the faint smell of her sweat but it still smelt the same to her.

“I’m sorry, but this is policy and I have to do what I believe will best protect you and the crew.” M’Benga told them, La’an opened her mouth to argue but Spock touched her arm. She stopped and looked at him, surprised by the gesture. He shook his head, they both knew it would come to this, just not so soon. 

“We should just tell them and as humans are fond of saying, ‘get it over with’.” Spock told her.

“I don’t see how any of this affects the crew. I’m the one,” La’an huffed an aggravated breath as she was tired of repeating herself. It seemed in that moment, all her horny energy transformed into anger. All she wanted was to return to her quarters and enjoy the rest of day having sex. It was a simple plan but everyone and their morality and ethics just kept getting in the way. “This is happening to me, I am on medical leave. I should be allowed some sort of privacy.” La’an vented.

“The fact you can’t be rational and see the bigger picture here proves that you’re not in control.” Chapel argued, La’an stared daggers at the woman as fought really hard to not punch her in the face.

“I’ll call the Captain and Number One.” M’Benga said.

“Perhaps, we could speak with Number One first, if she feels it warrants the Captain’s attention then she can inform him.” Spock offered, M’Benga gave a nod as he agreed to the small concession.

Chapter Text

Una opened her mouth and then closed it as she thought better of what she was about to say. For a long moment, silence passed between the group. Una was made aware of the situation, she listened to M’Benga and Chapel’s concerns. She listened to La’an and her wishes. Spock remained silent as he waited for the inevitable questions. But it looked as if Una wasn’t sure how or even what to ask. He didn’t blame her as it was a lot to process.

Spock palpably felt La’an’s anxiety and stress sit in his throat with his bundled nerves. It was a like a nauseating lump, threatening to choke him. All he wanted to do was touch her to reassure her. But he couldn't as he couldn’t predict what touching her would do, not just to her, but also him. He could try to calm her through the bond but everything he tried only turned her on. It was overwhelming to have arousal mixed with everything else they felt. He knew something had to give, yet they couldn't let go in fear of the truth being discovered.

The only saving grace was Una’s presence and her aura of authority reinforced the muscle memory of ingrained Starfleet training. La'an managed to remain still and in some semblance of control. But the sweat that glistened on her top lip and brow. The flush of her cheeks and slightly hazy look in her eyes. It gave away that she was not 100% well. 

“I think the best option is to isolate her in the medbay, treat the symptoms as they come,” M’Benga said, he and Chapel implored Una to take their side. Spock had to admit they made a compelling argument. But their inexperience and downright ignorance on the matter made their plan dangerous. But they would not be dissuaded.

“I agree with Dr M’Benga,” Chapel said in a matter-of-fact manner.

“It’s not a disease,” Spock argued softly, his cheeks burned with mortification at having to discuss such a taboo and private matter.

“It's definitely not a disease,” Una agreed, “It’s a biological imperative that every species had. And honestly, there are no set rules or regulations in Starfleet to address this particular situation. So, I’m not sure what you all want me to say or do.” she said diplomatically.

“They want you to agree to their treatment plan and order me to submit.” La’an told her, she shot M'Benga and Chapel a scathing look.

“I can’t do that,” Una said, Chapel's jaw dropped while M'Benga looked resigned. They all knew that Una's mind was rarely changed once she made a decision.

“Can’t you see what is happening here?” Chapel asked Una as she gestured wildly at Spock and La'an.

“I understand very clearly what is happening here. But I know La’an and her wishes-”

“Spock has clearly compromised her! How do we know if this bond he’s made is not influencing La’an?” Chapel asked incredulously.

“Look, I know you have La’an’s best interests at heart. So, I’m going to ignore the inferences that you’re both making that Spock is being opportunistic or unsavoury in this matter. You haven't known him as long as I have. You do not know La'an well enough to make such assessment of her.” Una told her in a firm tone.

“I know La’an would rather be near death before allowing a doctor to treat her.” M’Benga said in a lightly teasing tone. “But I’d rather we get ahead of this.” he added, his tone was somewhat imploring. But it was clear to Spock that he'd not get his way. It should've been a relief to have Una on their side but Spock couldn't relax, not until they were safely alone.

“I understand but looking at La’an, knowing we’re a little over three days from Vulcan. I know she can hold out,” Una stated as she looked at La'an. Spock wasn't sure what she saw in La'an to make that assessment. He wasn't going to question it or correct Una's assumption.

“She shouldn’t have to suffer,” M’Benga argued.

“It’s my choice.” La’an told him, M'Benga looked like he wanted to say something more but he remained silent. Spock felt an odd dynamic play out between the two, he wondered what the extent of their relationship was.

“We have to honour her decision, but Mr Spock, you are going to be responsible for her welfare.” Una started but Chapel lost her temper.

“You really believe they’ll be meditating? Spock bonded with her, what’s to stop him from taking things too far or prostituting himself like some martyr for Vulcan!” Chapel scoffed, her affection for Spock eroded her ability to remain professional.

“You and M’Benga are blowing this situation way out of proportion.” La’an told her, Chapel opened her mouth to argue but Spock spoke first.

“I acknowledge that you’re deeply upset by my actions, Nurse Chapel. However, I do not see how you can call yourself my friend while you can accuse me of such unspeakable things. I chose to help Lt Noonien-Singh, the bond gave her back the choices that Torrin stripped her of. It is a temporary solution to a temporary problem.” Spock added as he was growing tired of having the same arguments over and over again.

“And I would never force myself on anyone and the insinuation that I am no better than Torrin disgusts me,” La’an added scathingly.

“Ok, let’s all take a breath,” Una advised, she could see it all getting a little too personal and the bigger picture was being lost. “Here is what’s going to happen, we’re going to respect La’an’s wishes. La’an will be transported back to her quarters where she will remain under quarantine until we reach Vulcan.”

“But-” Chapel stated, Una quickly cut her off.

“Spock will teach La'an to meditate. Meanwhile, he and I will monitor her condition. If in the event, La’an loses grip of herself... Spock will remove himself from the room and we will contact Doctor M’Benga. Then we’ll reassess the situation and I will decide if and what kind of medical treatment La’an will receive.” Una told them, she laid down her decision. It was a compromise neither party liked but La'an was getting her preference. Spock wasn't sure how well his and La'an's plans would work with Una interrupting them. But they'd have to make it work.

“It would be better for La’an to remain here,” M’Benga argued.

“If La’an remains here, people will ask questions," Una told him.

“So, you’re letting them hide what Torrin did?” Chapel asked, Spock closed his eyes and took a deep fortifying breath to try and calm himself as anger rolled through him like a liquid hot lava. He knew it was La'an's anger but it took all his self-control to not lash out. 

“I am allowing La’an the privacy and respect she deserves. Nothing can be resolved until we reach Vulcan. Until then, all I care about is making La’an comfortable, which no offence is not here. As for Torrin and his part in this, that is a separate matter as far as I'm concerned. It can be discussed at a later date.” Una told Chapel, Spock could see Una was losing patience at being second guessed.

“Alright, but I would also like the opportunity to check in on La’an,” M’Benga stated, Una nodded as she didn't see anything wrong with it. Spock could see many issues with that. But he remained quiet as he was afraid of what he would say given his emotional state.

“I think that can be arranged, we’ll work out a schedule and get back to you. Now, if you two could leave us, I want a private word with Spock and La’an,” Una gently ordered. M'Benga inclined his head and moved to leave.

“I will pack a medkit with a strong sedative in the event you need to incapacitate La’an,’ Chapel said as she left the room with M'Benga.

“Thank you, Una,” La'an said once the door closed and it was just the three of them.

“Locking you in your quarters isn’t just for your comfort. It’s also your scent, we have no way of containing it in the medbay. I know it will create a problem if you remain in the medbay," Una told her.

“Is it that bad?” La'an asked them, she pulled on the collar of her uniform. 

“Sam Kirk would not shut up about it. If he and his lizard brain can be enticed, who knows how it will affect the others with a stronger sense of smell.” Una said, her eyes shifted to Spock, she narrowed them in suspicion. She like La'an knew he had a strong sense of smell thanks to his Vulcan genetics.

“I use a nasal numbing agent every 24 hours. I cannot smell anything and as long as I continue to use it, I will not be affected by La’an’s pheromones," Spock informed them in a calm manner. But his latest dose was wearing off as he could faintly taste La'an. 

“Then continue to do so,” Una told him before she looked at La’an, “Now, La'an, I am going to transport you to your quarters and set the environmentals to filter the air more frequently. I will check on you tomorrow at 1100 hours.”

“Understood," La'an replied, she moved to the emergency transporter pad. Spock locked eyes with her, the energy flowing between them was electrifying. He felt like everything, everything emotion, every fibre of their beings were now coalescing. The clock to when they'd finally be together was ticking down.

“If you need me, or want to talk, do not hesitate to call me, ok?” Una asked her, La'an blinked for a moment as she like Spock forgot Una was in the room for a moment.

“I- yes, of course. Thank you.” La’an said sincerely, Una gave her closed lip smile before she transported La'an to her quarters.

A long moment of silence descended upon the room, Spock held his stiff posture as he waited for Una to speak. 

“When M’Benga called me down here, I really did not think I’d be having to mediate this kind of scenario especially with two senior officers.” Una said, Spock opened his mouth to say something but Una cut him off with a look of censure, “Still talking,” she told him. Spock closed his mouth. Una took a fortifying breath and shook her head. 

“Did you two really believe you could just hide this from everyone until we got to Vulcan? What was the plan here?” Una asked him.

“You and the Captain ordered me to help La’an remember what happened that night-”

“I was thinking of a mind meld or something, not an empathic mating bond!” Una nearly shouted, but she managed to keep her voice a notch lower from yelling. 

“It’s only temporary until Torrin-” Spock started by once again Una cut him off.

“You’re basing a lot on the line in the hopes Torrin will fall in line,” Una told him.

“His father will enforce it. They do not want the scandal,” Spock assured her. He had to trust in what he knew of Syvar. 

"You should've informed me immediately," she chastised him.

“We’re not breaking any protocols.” Spock pointed out.

“No, you’re lightly dancing around them. Something I never would’ve expected of you. M’Benga was right to tell me what was going on. So, tell me how bad will this get? I want the truth,” Una demanded. Spock took a fortifying breath as he had expected this line of questioning.

“First three days are tenable, La’an will be able to manage it with intensive meditation practices. Day 4, the fever will take over completely, and she will be driven by one need only. But that is only based on what happens to Vulcans.” Spock answered, he knew lying to Una was wrong, but he wanted to salvage what little remained of La'an and his privacy.

“Is La’an progressing in the same manner as a Vulcan with this fever?” Una asked, he could see she was pained and he could almost convince himself that lying to her was for her sake as well.

“No, it appears to be progressing slower, which I believe is due to her not being Vulcan and why I believe trying to medically treat this would be an aggressive and unnecessary approach.” He said as honestly as he could even though he lied about the speed of La'an succumbing to the fever.

“Nurse Chapel and M’Benga don't trust that you have La’an’s best interests at heart. That you’re doing this out of some misguided loyalty to protect Vulcan and your reputation. To hide your people’s darkest shame, I need you to be honest with me. Is that true?” Una asked him.

“No, it is not,” Spock answered. He wasn’t offended by her question as he knew she cared for La’an. She was only doing this out of a motherly sense to protect her. 

“Then why did you do it?” Una asked, her tone was slightly exasperated as she didn't fully understand his motives.

“I bonded myself to La’an for many reasons. First and foremost, I did not wish to see her lose her ability to choose her own fate. I mean it when I say I have no undue influence on her, to do so would crush the very essence of who she is. That was what Torrin was doing to her.” Spock said. He wished he could explain it to her, but he didn’t entirely understand his reasons for his actions. 

“I noticed the change in her when you first touched her when she woke up after the attack,” Una said, Spock inclined his head acknowledging her observation.

“We shared a mindmeld in the past, it seems there were old pathways that were revived when we touched. It’s how I knew I’d be able to usurp Torrin’s hold on her. But Commander, what I’ve done, it will come at a great personal cost if my actions are reported to Vulcan High Command. That is my part of reasoning as to why I asked Dr M’Benga to keep the situation private.” Spock told her, Una looked displeased as she too recognised the political nightmare. She might not understand all the intricacies of it like Spock. But she understood it from a Starfleet perspective.

“Look, I understand that you’re both very private people to begin with. But the Captain and I need to know what is happening on our ship. You should’ve told us, but I’m not going to get into that. Now, what I need to know is what day is Torrin at in his cycle of this Pon Farr?” Una asked.

“I am unsure but if I were to hazard a guess I would say in the later stages. He has become illogical and lacks critical thinking skills to understand the consequences of his actions. But I am certain Ambassador Syvar can control him, he doesn’t want the scandal or for his son to…” Spock's voice trailed off as he didn't have a polite way of speaking the truth.

“To what?” Una prompted.

“His father is a Vulcan Logic Extremist, he holds strong views about maintaining the purity of his family blood lines. It is my assumption that he has paired Torrin with a Vulcan female who shares the same views.” Spock explained as he hoped she understood the inference he was making. Una made an ‘ah’ expression as she got what he was saying.

“He doesn’t want his son sleeping with a human,” Una offered wryly.

“His family lineage is arguably one of the purest Vulcan bloodlines to be found on Vulcan. He views my existence as a failed science experiment. So, as you can imagine his views on Augments would not be favourable,” Spock told her.

“Explains the disgust on his face when he was looking at La’an,” Una remarked.

“I only wish to protect her, forced matings are violent no matter how civilised the species are, " Spock stated, Una made a face of discomfort as the topic was not an easy one to discuss.

“I don’t want to put you into a situation where you feel forced to do something you’re not comfortable with,” Una told him, she struggled to say what she meant with some sensitivity. 

“You still believe I will feel culturally obligated or coerced to have sexual relations with Lt Noonien-Singh to assist in the coverup of Torrin’s condition. As if his assault of the Lieutenant is somehow my issue to resolve as I am Vulcan,” Spock offered.

“That’s one way of putting it, but yes,” Una said, her cheeks burned with a blush as did Spock's as this was new territory for them. There was no polite way of discussing it either.

“I can assure you that I feel no such obligation, nor do I feel coerced in that regard.” Spock promised her.

“Ok, good, but just know if at any time you need to back off of this, I will understand.” Una told him, she wanted him to know he had an out. What she didn't know was Spock wasn't looking for one. She didn't need to know.

“Understood, will you be informing the Captain?” he asked, Una pursed her lips and shook her head. She looked deeply conflicted, the situation didn't tick all the boxes neatly for her to just take over and dictate exactly what would happen and inform the Captain.

“I haven’t decided yet, but I think it would be better coming from you than me.” Una told him, she wore a deeply sincere expression that Spock felt was slightly imploring at the same time.

“It is a conversation I would prefer not to have,” Spock said honestly, he was tired of having these conversations and being constantly judged. 

“I know, but I think Chris would understand,” Una gently implored.

“I will consider it,” Spock told her, it was the best he could do in that moment. It seemed to satisfy Una as she gave a curt nod.

“Alright, I’ll check on your progress tomorrow at 1100 hours.” She reminded him, Spock made a mental note to set an alarm to give him and La'an time to be ready for her appearance.

“Understood,” Spock said, he left the office as soon as stepped outside, Chapel was in front of him with a med kit.

“There are two hyposprays in here and spare doses. Blue is a sedative to take La’an down. The other I'm sure you'd recognise is a nasal numbing agent. I assume that is how you’re not affected by La’an’s pheromones.” Christine informed him, she shoved the case into his chest. 

“You would be correct,” Spock said, he made no secret of it, but he didn't provide the information either. He caught the case and grabbed the handle with one hand.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this," Christine said as she didn't bother to hide her disappointment for the situation and maybe him. Spock couldn't help but feel furious at her unwarranted and petulant behaviour. Nor did he appreciate her hypocritical and ignorant assumptions of him. His grip on the case tightened as he used it to ground himself before he spoke.

“I would like to make something very clear to you. I have only ever seen you as a friend, nothing more. I apologise if I encouraged you to believe otherwise as it was never my intention. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must retrieve a gong from storage.” Spock told her. He didn’t wait for a response as he didn’t feel like there was anything left to be said.

As soon as La’an materialised in her quarters she heaved a sigh of relief. She didn’t have to pretend, she sank to her knees, her clit throbbed as her core ached to be filled. The sexual need in her was almost painful, her body felt like it was on fire, dying with need. 

“Computer, lower the temperature by 4 degrees.” La’an ordered, the computer complied, she heard the environmental systems activate. She knew the room had cooled but she didn’t feel it. If anything, the room seemed to hitch up a couple more degrees.

“Fuck,” She cursed, completely irritated at the entire situation. La’an pushed to her feet and pulled off her uniform top. She tossed it over a chair before she kicked off her boots and socks. She wanted to strip down completely but stopped as she couldn’t answer the door naked. It felt too desperate, and she needed to hold onto some of her dignity before she was overcome.

She took a couple deep breathes and closed her eyes, trying to find some calm. But all she could think of was his hands, the taste of his skin, the harsh rasp of his breathing, the speed of his pulse. She felt her body coil in anticipation, her clit throbbed, her pussy clenched achingly for him, her knickers were soaked. Her hands moved over her body, a pale imitation for what she craved.

La'an bit her bottom lip as she knew nothing would satiate her except for Spock. Something within her told her even if she tried to get off by herself, it would only make it worse. She knew trying to remain still wouldn't help either, so she paced the room. She thought maybe expelling some of the pent up energy would help. She rationalised that she had to hold out until he arrived. 

She just hoped it was soon, but as she paced, time passed slowly. La'an fought the urge to call him over comms as she knew it wouldn't look good. Too much time passed for her liking before she thankfully, she felt him growing closer through the bond. The computer beeped, alerting her to Spock's arrival. 

“Come in,” La’an said, relief washed through as Spock entered her quarters. He held two containers which he promptly set to the side of the door.

The door closed, finally they were alone. No more medical tests, no more meetings, no more interruptions, nothing. It was just them. La’an ordered the computer to set her room to ‘Do Not Disturb’.  She didn’t care if the ship was hijacked, or about to explode. No, all she could focus on was him. She wanted him badly, for him to possess her in every physical meaning of the word.

Spock turned to her, his intense gaze locked with hers. There was a profound sense of finality. Like one chapter had closed and the next one was about to begin. Their emotions, desires intermingled and blended through the bond. La’an had never felt so safe, so content, so utterly wanted by a man. Spock hid nothing from her, it was breathtaking to witness the level of trust he put in her to allow her to see him, to feel him like this. Any thoughts of the future, of how temporary this would be vanished.

“Computer, raise the temperature by 4 degrees,” He ordered.

“I’m so hot,” La'an told him, the temperature in the room rose, it was stifling, sweat beaded across her skin. She fought to keep her breathing normal but she was spiraling out.

“Lowering the temperature will not help.” Spock said as he closed the distance between them, his eyes were intensely dark as they focussed solely on her.

“Why not?” La'an asked.

“Because you’re supposed to burn,” Spock told her.

Chapter Text

Everything happened fast and yet deliciously slow at the same time. La’an couldn’t begin to process all the sensations, if she were honest, she didn't want. For the first time in her life, she wanted to let go and be completely consumed.

And that is exactly what she did as she let Spock push her back against the closed door. She welcomed him fully to her in the bond and body as Spock’s entire weight pressed against her. He seared her with wild and almost bruising kisses and La’an lapped it up. She didn’t want tenderness, she didn’t want some polite and efficient afternoon delight. She wanted him rough and fast, to feel him under her skin and to get right under his. To mark him, so no one questioned that he was hers.

She didn't question if he wanted the same as she didn't care, he had his chance to back out. Her baser instincts took over, she pulled him in as tight as she could. She rubbed herself against him, craving his scent on her, her fingers dug deep into him. It drove him wilder as something unlocked within them both. They both lost all sense of control, there was nothing but the necessity to quench the inferno burning between them. 

La’an groaned in frustration as she pulled at the fabric of his uniform. Spock broke the kiss and quickly disposed of his uniform top. He was back in her arms within seconds, his mouth captured hers just as a wave of euphoria crashed through her. She moaned, her hot fevered hands pressed into his soothingly cool skin. Everything was perfect, yet not enough. He knew it, he felt everything she did and was in the perfect position to give it.

Spock crouched and lifted her up. He pushed her into the wall, his cock aligned with her sensitive pussy. She whimpered at the friction of the fabric and the feel of his hard cock pressed against her. She ground against him, growing even more wet as she needed him inside her.

What happened next, happened so fast that La’an could barely follow the movements. Spock lifted her up a little higher, she heard a zip going down, then calloused fingers at her pussy.

In one swift thrust, Spock’s cock was inside her. She broke the kiss with a shocked gasp, she gripped onto Spock’s shoulders and back as an electric pulse of pleasure tore through her. 

He was so impossibly hard, impossibly thick and deep within her. His two hands held onto her backside. His heavy weight pressed against her as he started to move within her. 

He didn’t use the polite, exploratory strokes of a first-time lover trying to figure out what their lover liked. No, there were the well-seasoned strokes of a man who knew how to use his strength and prowess to draw out as much pleasure for his lover.

La’an’s sense of reality was completely gone, she was lost to the sensations, she felt her sense of self blur into Spock. She held onto him tight as the fever in her was fed. His name spilled repeatedly from her lips as he drove into the snug depth of her slick pussy like a man possessed. She was barely aware of how she was clawing at him, begging him to go faster, harder, all she felt was her impending orgasm and only cared about reaching it.

Spock was so in tune with her through the bond that he gave her exactly what she needed with no hesitation. Within minutes, the most intense orgasm La’an ever experienced in her life; tore through her. She cried out in bliss as her body convulsed, her pussy clenched in pulses as wave after wave of overwhelming pleasure crashed through her. 

She let out a low, ragged moan that stuttered in time with Spock’s final sharp thrusts, she felt him come, the warmth of his semen as it filled her. Shockwave after shockwave of pleasure rippled through her body. She was helpless to do anything by ride through it. Her nails dug into his skin, she bit into his shoulder as her pussy pulsed in time with his cock.

When she slowly came down from the high, she turned her face and rested on his shoulder, completely breathless and speechless. Her brain was so fried, her body grew limp in his arms as she struggled to process what had just happened.

Spock nuzzled her neck, his breaths came out in short puffs as even he was breathless from their exertions. The earthy scent of their sex and sweat filled her senses. Their bodies were sticky and drenched where they were still joined. 

Her pussy involuntarily clenched when tried to move, not wanting to let go. She became aware that Spock was still impossibly hard inside her, even after coming. 

“Fuck,” she cursed, her body seemed to go from 0 to Warp 4 as if they'd barely started. She was definitely losing her mind as she normally could come a couple of times and then be satiated for a long time. But her body now vehemently disagreed with her.

“This is Pon Farr,” Spock stated, La’an was beginning to understand what he meant when he told her it stripped away the veneer of civility. She was not one to scratch, bite or even scream, let alone hold onto her lover this long. But with Spock, she did all of it and was not even the slightest bit apologetic.

She pulled away from his shoulder and gently tugged his head back, so she could look him in the eyes. To make sure, he didn't regret it as she knew he could shield his emotions from her. It turned out to be a mistake on her part as it only added fuel to the proverbial fire within her.

“I hope you cleared your schedule as I’m not ready to let go.” She told him. She felt his amusement before his face conveyed it. It mixed beautifully with excitement and arousal. It felt utterly intoxicating, “Oh God,” she moaned as her body clenched in desperate need.

“Spock,” he corrected, “You should use the correct name,” he told her. La’an’s jaw dropped in surprise as she realised he made a sly joke. But she didn’t get to think of a smart ass reply as he rolled his hips, she lost her train of thought completely. Her mind was back to focussing on only one thing and one thing only. Spock.

“Hold onto me,” he said, La’an did as he ordered. Spock tightened his hold on her backside and pulled them away from the wall. He carried her to her bed, still joined. They lost the rest of their clothes along the way, then he laid her on the bed. 

He lowered his full weight on top of her, it felt so decadent, the sensations of his chest hair rubbing teasingly against her breasts. His hard muscles against her as he opened her legs a little wider and slid deeply inside her. He nuzzled that sweet spot below her ear, making her feel boneless. 

He slowly started to press soft kisses along her jaw. La’an bit her bottom lip, the tenderness was unexpected but very welcome.

“You are so perfect,” he murmured, he felt her body revved with heat and the need in her was clawing again. But in their position, Spock had full control, he fucked her slowly, as if he had all the time in the world. It was delicious and incredibly frustrating at the same time.

He wanted to cave and give her exactly what she wanted but he knew this was a marathon, not a sprint. He needed to take care as she wasn't Vulcan, but he also didn't know exactly how strong her augment genetics made her. 

“Spock, please,” La’an pleaded, she didn’t care how she got off, as long as she got off with him and him only. She squirmed as heat within her was starting to become unbearable. “You’re too slow,” she complained, she looked up at him and could’ve sworn he had a faint smile on his lips. 

She lifted up and kissed him, his tongue stroked hers in time with the strokes of his hips. La’an lifted her knees higher as Spock picked up the pace with steady, hard thrusts. Each time just adjusting his hips a little more precision. Soon enough, he found her G-spot, something her past lovers rarely found.

The pleasure became too intense. La’an wrenched her mouth away from his. Spock buried his face in her hair as she closed her eyes and arched her neck. 

It didn't take long before another orgasm slammed through her. This time the climax was so intense, tears streaked down the side of her face, her mind went completely blank, stars and specks filled her vision while her body shuddered as last dregs of pleasure were rung from her body. 

She gripped onto Spock, he went still and groaned her name as she vaguely felt him come. La'an's body drifted on waves of euphoria, her mind completely quiet and serene. She barely noticed as Spock rolled them, so he was on his back.

Their hearts beat in sync, their breathing slowed, Spock rubbed La'an's back in a soothing manner. Though he wasn't sure if he was doing it for her or for himself. As what passed between them was possibly the most unique sexual experience of his life. He knew it was just beginning, La'an hadn't even reached the peak of her fever yet. 

Spock needed to remember that this was a marathon and not a sprint. He needed to look after her, otherwise she’d not survive. Focusing on caring for her, helped take his mind off of thoughts he wasn’t ready to acknowledge while he was still deep inside La’an’s body.

“We need to hydrate and eat,” Spock told La’an, he pressed a soft kiss on the crown of her head. 

“If we must,” La’an said reluctantly, she wasn’t ready to let go of him. Her body was finally sated, she wasn’t a fool to think the Pon Farr was over. Spock proved her assumption correct when he pulled out of her body. 

He'd tried to do it slowly so as to not turn her on, but it had the opposite effect.  La’an groaned as white-hot desire streaked through her body again. Her core throbbed, La’an sucked in a breath as the erotic feel of their mixed essences dripped out of her and spread across her inner thighs sent electric shockwaves of desire through her. Her heart raced, her skin grew fevered, and watched Spock’s intense gaze darken.

His nostrils flared as he could smell her arousal. Her pheromones poured out of her at a ferocious rate than before. It mixed deliciously with the scent of their recent sex, it all fed into a darker primal side of him that she had awakened in him. Spock could practically taste her, taste them. All of his blood went south, he felt his cock swell and lengthen, it throbbed to be inside her. He held himself above her, completely torn between which of her needs to satisfy first. 

Before he could decide, La’an in a feat of strength he never expected from her, rolled them over. She made the decision for them, she lifted herself up and reached between them and positioned his throbbing cock. She threw her head back and let out a jaggered moan of relief as she sank down. Her pussy greedily took back his cock until he was completely sheathed inside her. 

“Spock,” she breathed, Spock's hands lightly gripped her hips as pleasure encased them. "I'm sorry, I need you," she whimpered as she needed him more than food, than anything else. Her body took over, she moved on him, slowly as her body was tender from earlier. But she needed the friction, the silken slide of his cock inside of her while his hands paid homage to her breasts. She dug her fingers into his shoulders as she picked up speed.

"Don't apologise, just take what you need," Spock urged her, his voice hoarse with pleasure as he fought his own primal inclinations to take over. He needed La'an to know she was in control, even if it didn't feel that way.

She must have felt his subconscious wishes for her as Spock felt a wealth of emotions rush through the bond. Joy, exhilaration, sensuous passion, security and power, and many other indiscernible emotions washed over him in waves. It was utterly euphoric to feel them wrap around him especially during Pon Farr. 

Spock lifted up, La’an’s grip on his chest slipped, her stride faltered as he wrapped his arms around her beautiful lithe form. But she recovered quickly, their gasps and moans filled the air as she rode him harder. 

Spock tangled one hand in her hair and caught her mouth with a passionate kiss. He felt her powerful orgasm building and reached between them. With perfectly calculated pressure on her clit, she came hard, drenching him. Spock was barely aware of his own climax. He clutched onto her tightly, the sheer ecstasy of their pleasure blended and completely overwhelmed him to the point he couldn’t do anything but ride it out with her.

Chapter Text

La’an stood in front of her mirror vainly trying to braid her hair. But her hands were shaking, her fingers were completely unmotivated to function properly as strands of hair slipped through her grip.

She had thought maybe after hours of nearly non-stop fucking, she’d feel sated. That the fever would break, and it would be over. But the reality was, the fever ebbed and flowed, the more sex they had, the calmer she felt. But if they were not touching, if she didn’t reek of their sex, feel the saltiness of his sweat mixed with hers on her skin, feel his come dripping out of her pussy, sliding on her skin…it brought the fever back like a maelstrom of unquenchable lust and desire. La'an never thought she could die from a lack of sex. But in her most heightened state, it truly felt like he was the only one who could save her. 

It made finding the balance in keeping her sane enough for Una’s check in and not look like a sex fiend, a delicate one. Luckily, they didn’t have to submit to a medical scan as La’an could only imagine how M’Benga would react. He was already questioning her mental capacity to make sound judgements. She didn’t need him or frankly anyone questioning her decisions. It was simple, she needed sex and yet everyone besides Spock made it so complicated. As if her fucking Spock was going to fundamentally reshape the universe as they knew it. But so far, nothing earth shattering or cataclysmic had occurred outside of her quarters. Inside her quarters, however, it was a different story.

Not that one would be able to tell looking at Spock. He was immaculately dressed in a fresh uniform, his hair perfectly styled as usual. The only visible sign that he had stayed the night was the five o’clock shadow that was starting to show on his jaw. La’an swallowed and focussed on her hair or tried to as her thoughts strayed to how it would feel, to have his scruff rub against her skin.

She, on the other hand, couldn’t braid her hair. Hell, she couldn’t even put on her uniform, the material felt suffocating. Showering had felt like an insult. When he healed the bruises and marks he’d left by their rough, raw and dirty but very consensual sex, it left her deeply agitated. Spock had changed the bed sheets and cleaned up the room, the air had been cycled, erasing any evidence of their passion. She tried to not take it personally, as she rationally understood why they did it. But a deep primal part of her that the Pon Farr awoke in her; hated it all, it wanted to put everything back to how it was supposed to. 

The only reason she wasn’t tearing Spock apart at that moment was that she hadn’t been very thorough in washing herself as Spock had wanted and she wore his tank under her lightweight cardigan. His scent wrapped around her, it soothed her somewhat. But the dark clawing need was slowly starting to resurface in her. She was too clean, she needed him, needed to mark him, have him mark her in some manner.

“I may not be able to smell you anymore, but I can feel your need. I advise you not to think about me,” Spock said in a smooth unaffected manner, he kept his eyes closed. He'd used his nasal numbing agent after he declared the room smelt of her only. Then parked himself on the floor for meditation. She assumed it was so he could claim he wasn't lying if they were caught out. 

“It would help if you were shit in bed,” La’an grumbled, she watched his lips form a faint yet smug smile. Damn, if it didn’t turn her on, her body tingled with heat, her nipples grew taut. Her clit throbbed, her core ached to be filled, to feel his come dripping down her thighs again. She tried to tamp down on the need burning in her, but it wasn’t working.

“We do not have time for whatever you’re thinking,” Spock told her, she tingled with his amusement and the joy that seeped through the bond. 

“I want you to cum in my mouth, now,” La’an said bluntly, she couldn’t do coy or flirt in her current state. The need within her was too great. She could feel herself losing what little control she had. There was not enough time for them to do what she really wanted; to have him balls deep in her pussy, fucking her desperately. But she needed his cock in her, his essence abated the fever. 

She thought for a moment he was going to refuse her. There wasn’t much time until Una arrived. She was almost sure she’d burst at the seams if she didn’t taste him in the next minute. She couldn’t think straight let alone tried to sense what he was feeling through their bond. 

Spock opened his eyes and rose to his feet. Her eyes raked his tall frame, before landing on his bulge. She licked her lips in anticipation, he hadn’t let her go down on him yet. There never seemed to be enough time before. She looked at his face, their eyes locked as she waited for him to allow her. 

“What I know of Pon farr, if you think swallowing my essence will help, I highly doubt it. It’s ha-”

“I am telling you that I need to feel your hot cum slide down my throat,” she said knowing it was completely explicit. She closed the space between them. He didn’t stop her as she knelt before him. La’an unzipped his pants, and pushed them down his legs with his jocks. His erection sprung free, precum was already beading on the tip. La’an took a deep inhale, the blissful heady scent of him wreathing through her senses and brain. 

“On Vulcan-”

“We’re not on Vulcan,” La’an told him, she grasped him in one hand and then proceeded to lick from the base of his cock to the tip. Spock groaned, whatever lecture he was about to give was forgotten as more precum leaked from the slit at the tip of his cock. She eagerly lapped it up and moaned as the salty yet sweet taste of him exploded across her tongue. 

She needed more, she opened her mouth wider and took him into the hot wet depths of her mouth. She slowly drew back, sucking harder as she neared the tip. Spock muttered a curse in Vulcan. His body trembled, his hands tangled in her hair.

La’an eyes locked with his hooded gaze, his hand tightened in her hair when she pulled back and lightly grazed her teeth on the underside of his cock. Raw heat and heavy pleasure coursed between them; she felt his body tremble under hands. She felt her body pulse in near time with his own. 

She closed her eyes and plunged her mouth back down on his cock. She devoured him, she stroked and sucked his cock in a steady but rough rhythm while her other hand massaged his balls. His low groans only spurred her on, the way his hands now gripped her hair. Tight enough to know he could fuck her mouth if he wanted to. But loose enough to let her know she was very much in control.

Sharp zings of heat shot straight to her core. She felt her own orgasm nearing, how it was even possible given she wasn’t even touching herself, Spock’s own pleasure was directed inward, she didn’t know. She just knew she was about to come and Spock wasn’t very far behind.

She picked up the pace, encouraged by the fiery pleasure barrelling through the bond and Spock’s ragged breathing. She gently scraped her teeth on the underside of his cock again, it was too much for him as Spock cried out, he involuntarily thrust into her mouth as he came. La’an moaned in delight and greedily swallowed; over and over as his cock poured hot creamy release into her. 

Spock shuddered as the last of his release left his body. La’an sucked him until there was no more to be had. Warmth spread down her throat and settled in her belly. La’an gently released him from her mouth but not before curving her tongue around the tip of his cock. 

She sat back on her heels with a satiated smile on her lips. She looked up at Spock, they both shared an almost punch-drunk expression. The bond is fully alive and pulsing between and around them with lazy satisfaction and peace. Spock pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her, he kissed her tenderly. La’an smiled as she pulled back from the kiss and gazed at him.

“That shouldn’t have worked,” he murmured, looking a little dazed. He stroked her hair behind her ear. The doorbell chimed, La’an’s eyes went wide.

“Una’s early,” she said, she slipped out of his arms and raced to her dresser. She needed to change her knickers and pants as she’d creamed herself when she swallowed his release. She could still taste him when she licked her lips which sent little aftershocks of pleasure in her core. She felt more in control, she could only hope it lasted long enough to fool Una.

She quickly changed into a pair of fresh knickers and loose cotton pants as the door chimed a second time. La’an turned to see Spock straighten his uniform, his cock safely tucked back into his pants.

“Come in,” La’an called, she stuffed her ruined clothes into the drawer and shoved it close as the door opened.  She turned ready to face Una’s interrogation and felt the blood drain out of her face as Una wasn’t alone. M’Benga was with her. They were absolutely screwed as she saw he was holding onto a medical tricorder.

“Good morning,” Una said in her usual cheerful manner. “We didn’t interrupt anything, did we?” she asked.

"No, we finished meditating for the morning," La'an lied, it sounded somewhat convincing even if she blushed deeply. She watched Una’s eyes dance between her and Spock. She wondered if Una knew, if she didn’t well M’Benga was going to tell her. As soon as he scanned her with his medical tricorder, he’d know that she and Spock were not meditating.

“Spock, why don’t we go get something for La’an to eat?” Una suggested to him.

“Of course,” Spock responded in his usual manner. It rankled her how quickly he recovered given he’d only come in her mouth minutes ago. She brushed the thought away as he turned and raised an eyebrow at her. As if he were telling her to not give away too much, “Lieutenant, do you have any preference for your midday meal?” he asked.

“Anything will do,” La’an said a little too breathlessly for her liking. She didn't care about food, she only wanted him back with her as soon as possible. Spock inclined his head before he made a quick exit with Una. La'an couldn't stop herself as she watched him leave. The door closed and M'Benga cleared his throat, he reminded her of his presence.

“You are looking markedly better than yesterday," M'Benga told her, he held his medical tricorder in his hands in front of him. He wore a knowing smile that made her nervous. 

“I feel much better, meditating is helping.” La’an replied smoothly, she reminded herself that she was an adult and in control of her life and body. She needed to stop worrying about what other people thought of her. Something that was easier said than done.

“May I scan you?” M’Benga asked her, she wanted to refuse but she knew in doing so would raise concern.

“Sure,” La’an said, a blush creeped up her neck again. She pressed her lips into a fine line wondering how deeply accurate a tricorder scan could be. 

“Your vitals have significantly improved.” M’Benga remarked, he read his tricorder. His expression gave nothing away.

“As I said, meditation is helping,” La'an replied, she watched as M'Benga looked between his readings and her with a sceptical expression. She knew she had failed the scan as he closed the tricorder and gave her a serious look.

“La’an, the tricorder readings are telling me that you’ve engaged in some recent sexual activities and you’re wearing a men's singlet," he told her, he folded his arms and that was never a good sign in La'an's books. La’an weighed up her options on telling the truth or pulling possibly the worst lie. She decided on the former as she mirrored his posture, though her posture was more defensive than to take a stance.

“If you must know, it’s my body, my choice and it’s completely consensual even though honestly, it’s none of your business,” La'an told him, she couldn’t hide the harsh edges in her tone. Frankly, she didn’t want to.

“Your mental and physical health is my job and as your friend, I care,” He argued softly.

“It’s just sex!” she exclaimed.

“Pon Farr is a mating heat and you’re bonded to Spock,” M’Benga reminded her.

“We’re very clear on our boundaries and that it is temporary. It’s not a big deal, but you and Nurse Chapel are turning it into one. I wish you wouldn’t, please, Joseph," La'an implored, she'd beg him if it came to it. M'Benga took a deep breath as he looked to be weighing his options.

“La’an, I have spent a lot of time with Vulcans, I thought I knew everything about their physiology. But it turns out I was only allowed to know what they believed was relevant. It makes me uneasy not knowing,”

“I know,”

“However, I was able to get one of my Vulcan counterparts to discuss some of it. He reluctantly assures me that the mating bond with a Vulcan not suffering from Pon Farr is empathic in nature. Confirming what Spock told me," M'Benga conceded, La'an felt a small sliver of hope at where he was going with this, “I can admit when I am wrong, I was wrong in believing he could unduly influence you," He told her.

“Vulcans are touch telepaths, you know that. He has never been touching me when I've expressed my wishes," La'an told him, she knew he wasn't making any accusations at that moment but she wanted to make it clear.

“I do, but this Pon Farr seems to turn everything I understand of Vulcans on its head. But I look at you, I can see you are of sound mind and in control of yourself," M'Benga said sincerely, La'an felt a wave of relief wash over her. He finally understood, he might not like the methods but he was finally accepting her choice.

“I am and have always been in control of my mind even if my body isn’t in sync," La'an said.

“I would feel more comfortable if I could run a more in depth study of this in the medbay. But I can’t in good conscience do that knowing the psychological toll it will take on you. So, as long as you’re comfortable, of sound mind and in no risk of your health, I don’t feel the need to report my findings to Una or the Captain beyond the information that you are in recovery.” M'Benga told her.

"Thank you," she said in relief as she felt a weight lifted off her shoulders. 

"This doesn't mean you're cleared for duty, you have to remain quarantined," he said firmly, La'an nodded as she wasn't going to argue with his ruling. 

“Of course,” La’an said, the doorbell chimed, "Come in," she called, the door opened to Una and Spock. La'an looked at the tray of food and drinks in Spock's hands. Then to him, heat simmered through the bond. She moved to him and purposefully touched his hands as she took the tray from him.

"Thank you," La'an told him.

"You're welcome," Spock replied softly before he resumed his normal posture with his hands clasped behind his back.

“So, Dr M'Benga, how did the medical go?" Una asked.

“It appears I was mistaken and Mr Spock was correct. I am satisfied with the results so far as to say that the meditation appears to be working,” M’Benga said, but there was something telling in his eyes and the faint smile on his lips. “If they continue to meditate as vigorously as they have since they left the medbay. Then La’an should be able to maintain, if not immeasurably improve her condition,” he added.

“Thank you, Doctor.” La’an said, her face flushed at his insinuation. The man could be too cheeky for his own good. She took the food tray to the coffee table to avoid making eye contact with the others until her face cooled down.

“La'an, you just remember to eat and drink more fluids as you are slightly dehydrated,” M’Benga informed her.

“I will ensure Lt Noonien-Singh is well cared for,” Spock assured him. M'Benga wore a closed lip smile of amusement.

“Excellent, if you’ll excuse me, I will return to the medbay.” M’Benga told them, he much to La'an's relief took his leave. She didn't need him putting his foot in his mouth in front of Una.

“I also need to stop by my department and check on my research,” Spock stated abruptly.

“Oh, ok," La'an said surprised that he was leaving too. 

“I will return within half an hour for us to resume our meditation practices," Spock informed her. La'an didn't miss the quick nervous glance he shot in Una's direction before he left her quarters yet again. Part of her was deeply agitated at him abandoning her yet again, as she needed him close to her.

“I asked him to give us some time for me to check in with you,” Una told her in a low voice as the door closed. La'an snapped out of her thoughts. “Eat," Una ordered as she gestured for them to sit.

La'an walked over to the coffee table and sank onto the floor and pulled the tray of food to her. It was laden with bacon, eggs, a waffle and strawberries. Her stomach rumbled in hunger over the salivating aroma of fresh food. While she had snacked during the night, it wasn't enough to balance out the energy she was burning. She grabbed a fork and took a bite of bacon first.

“Oh my god, I didn’t realise I was so hungry," La'an said, she quickly devoured the food before her. Table manners be damned.

“You’re looking better than you did yesterday," Una remarked.

“I am for the moment," La'an said between bites of food, she wouldn't lie outright to Una but she wasn't going to confess everything.

“La’an, I wish you had told me what was going on," Una said softly as she parked herself on the floor on the opposite side of the table. La'an slowed her eating as she wondered what Spock and Una had talked about while M'Benga was with her.

"It’s hard to explain,” La'an replied in a vague manner before she took a sip of water. She could see Una was deeply concerned as she spoke as a friend and not her commanding officer.

“Spock said that Torrin was crushing you into compliance," Una said, La'an's neck twitched at the mention of Torrin's name. Memories of that night flashed through her mind. Her appetite evaporated, the emotions bubbled up in her of that night.

The helplessness, the pain and shame all resurfaced. The bond with Spock protected her from Torrin's telepathy and from him being able to take a true foothold in her mind. But it hadn't fully severed the threadbare bond between them. La'an sometimes could still feel Torrin like a whisp of smoke in the back of her mind. But being Spock, his hands on her body, the sex, it all blocked him out.

“I don’t want to talk about it," La'an said softly. She refused to give Torrin or what he did to her any further real estate in her mind. 

“Could you please try for my sake in case I do have to make decisions in regard to your well-being," Una implored, La'an placed her knife and fork down on the tray.

“He, I don’t -” La'an started, memories of his fingers digging into her skin, thin veins of black oozing oiliness faintly rose up, she swallowed nausea down and shook her head. “The memories are a mess and talking about Torrin, it opens a door in my mind. I prefer to keep it shut for the time being. At least until all of this is over," La'an told her.

“He’s still telepathically trying to reach you?” Una asked her.

“He was but the meditation, Spock’s close proximity shuts him out completely. But when we're apart, Torrin can creep back in. I don’t understand why or how and I prefer not to until this is over," La'an told her. She felt Una grab her hand and try to pry it open. She looked at it, surprised to see it was clenched into a tight fist. It took a moment for her to unfurl it.  She saw the halfmoon imprints of her nails in her palm and frowned. She hadn't realised she'd been clenching it so tightly.

“Hey, I'll stop asking about him, I just need to know that Spock isn't being untoward in any way," Una said, La'an shook her head.

“No, absolutely not. Spock offered to help me, I chose to accept him- his offer” La’an corrected, “and can this please be the last time we have to discuss it. As everyone is overcomplicating it,” she complained.

“I would drop it, except I have questions," Una said, her tone turned from serious to somewhat wryly amused.

“I wish you didn’t," La'an grumbled she picked up the glass of water.

“Forgive me, but this is the first ‘Fuck or Die’ scenario I’ve experienced in my long and illustrious career," Una told her,  La'an coughed as she nearly choked on her drink.

“I will not die if I don’t fuck Spock,” La'an wheezed, she was pretty certain of that.

“Yesterday, you were practically crawling out of your skin trying to not hump him," Una argued, La'an's face burned with mortification as this was the conversation she was hoping to avoid. She also had hoped she wasn't so obvious about how she felt towards Spock, but she was wrong.

“I was not," La'an said, to salvage her pride.

“I know what Horny La’an looks like," Una told her.

“Horny La’an?” La'an asked, she picked up a strawberry and took a bite.

“Yeah, 8 drinks in and you become Horny La’an. Also, if we’re not overcomplicating things then why not have sex with Spock?" Una asked her bluntly.

“Excuse me?” La'an asked. She was grateful she managed to swallow her food before Una's suggestion.

“Why suffer through the drudgery of meditating when you can just bang him? Sex involves a lot of skin to skin contact if you're doing right." Una stated, as if it were the most obvious solution.

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t suggest that," La'an told her.

“Why not?” Una asked teasingly, she was clearly enjoying this too much. But La'an preferred this conversation to thinking or talking about Torrin.

“Because, yes, I'm very horny but I am trying to keep myself under control and not think about-”

“Scratching that itch you’ve got with Spock? I’m pretty sure he’d be very amenable to the arrangement. I didn't ask him directly, but Vulcans are all about logical and efficient solutions. So, I say you should ride that man to hormonal equilibrium and mental fortitude," Una said in a conversational manner.

“You’re terrible,” La'an said, she couldn't help but smile at her. There was no way she going to admit to Una that she was already hours ahead into that solution. She knew if she did, Una would have more questions that La'an didn't want to answer.

“But you still love me and speaking as your friend, just think about it. It’s not like you have to marry him, you just need to get through this heat. We're over two days away until we reach Vulcan, why suffer?” Una asked her.

“And what do you say as my commanding officer?” La’an asked dryly, she couldn’t believe Una was suggesting.

“I’d say that you’re on medical leave and the Captain and I have tasked Spock to assist you in your recovery. How you two go about that is yours and Spock’s business. Just as long as it’s very consensual for both parties,” Una answered, she placed a lot of emphasis on the consensual part.

“I don’t know what to say to that,” La’an said, Una smiled.

“You don’t have to say anything. Just think about it," Una told her, she bopped her on the nose and rose to her feet. La’an shot her an annoyed look.

“I won’t,” La’an lied.

Chapter Text

Spock sat at his desk in his labs trying to fill the time until he could return to La’an’s quarters. Una asked him to give her some time with La’an. He couldn’t tell her ‘no’ for many reasons, so he was forced to acquiesce. It was not as if he was going far from La’an if she needed him. But he felt himself growing profoundly attached to her which was dangerous for him emotionally speaking. 

The bond between them would be severed in a matter of days. It was something he should be looking forward to. To find relief in only being responsible for his own emotions and for the pressure of Torrin’s constant presence on his mind to be lifted away. But he found himself slightly melancholic at the knowledge it would soon end.

He had prepared himself for many outcomes, but not this. He’d always found her company enjoyable. But this level of intimacy was different, and he liked the joyful sound of her laugh, the way her lips curled into a soft satiated smile. Those quiet moments of companionable silence when the heat abated, and contentment sank into their bond. Her emotions were easier to read, instead of feeling bombarded by them, they washed through him in a comforting manner. He didn’t feel so alone or different, he felt whole and bizarrely balanced despite the somewhat forced nature of their bond.

It shouldn’t have been that way, nor should she have been able to handle the emotional overload of being bonded to him. But she took him as he was, somehow managed to not be overwhelmed. He always assumed that no other species could take on or understand the emotional load Vulcans carried which is why they mated within their own species.  But La’an was proving all of those assumptions wrong. Maybe it wasn’t about species but about the individual. Not that it mattered given his bond with La’an had a time limit on it.

He looked down at the screen on his desk once again, in a vain attempt to complete some work. Una and Chris had given him a reprieve from his usual duties. But it didn’t mean the work stopped. It only piled up, which was why he thought it best to use this time to chip away at the pile of work waiting for him. But so far, he’d achieved nothing as his mind wandered to what the hypothetical future would be. A useless task given the situation but nonetheless his mind was preoccupied with it. He wasn’t sure if he should be hopeful or prepare himself for the inevitable emptiness and ache of loneliness awaiting him when the bond was severed.

Someone cleared their throat, the noise broke Spock out of his reverie. He looked up from his desk to see Christine standing at the open doorway.

“Nurse Chapel,” Spock said in greeting, though he felt apprehensive at her appearance given the awkward nature of their last encounter. If he were truthful, he was angry with her and her contradictory opinions of him. 

He once thought she truly saw him, as if she could see the whole of him while he was scrambling to piece together the fractured pieces of his identity and finding that elusive balance between his humanity and being Vulcan. But now he knew differently as she, like so many others on the ship, only saw what they wanted to see. It wasn’t entirely her fault, he didn’t exactly go around correcting people’s assumptions but then if he did, he’d never have time for his job.

“I came to give you more nasal suppressant,” Christine said as she crossed the space between the door and his desk. He remained seated as he watched her slide the small case across the table.

“You’ve provided me with a three month supply already,” he said, he knew this was a ploy to speak with him. Perhaps, it was time to put whatever it was between them completely to rest.

“Well, with La’an’s hormones all over the place and the strong pheromones she’s producing… I thought you’d need something stronger given I’ve been told Vulcans find the scent of humans to be repugnant. I can only imagine you’re finding her scent to be way worse than normal,” Christine said with a weak smile.

“That is unnecessarily thoughtful of you, but it is not the human scent that is repugnant but how many humans do not have very good hygiene practices and excessive use of colognes and perfumes to cover their laziness.” Spock said as he left the box sitting on the table, not accepting it but not outright rejecting it. He knew it was sending a sign to her. He just needed her to pick up on it.

“Same diff,” Christine said dismissively, she turned more serious as she rested her hands on the back of the guest chair to his desk. “I am sorry about what I said yesterday in sickbay. It was unprofessional of me,” she confessed.

“Apology accepted,” Spock said without preamble.

“It’s just that, I always thought after we kissed and then things ended with T’Pring that maybe you and I…” She drawled off, but the insinuation was clear. Spock adjusted his posture as he locked eyes with her.

“I will not lie, there was a moment when I misconstrued my platonic feelings for you as romantic. But the moment passed quickly when I contemplated what a romantic relationship with you would entail,” Spock confessed bluntly, Christine looked momentarily stunned.

“Wow,” she replied in bewilderment. 

“I would not say it was a profound moment for me,” Spock remarked, he should’ve taken La’an’s advice in letting Christine down ‘easy’ earlier on. But he was not feeling particularly generous at that moment.

“Am I that undesirable to you?” She asked.

“As a romantic partner, yes and if you saw me for who I really am, then I would be undesirable to you,” Spock told her.

“I don’t agree,” she argued.

“You have this misconception that I am somehow different from your ex-partners due to my Vulcan upbringing and reserved nature. But in actuality I am the same as them,” Spock clarified for her, as he felt it was all incredibly straightforward.

“That’s not true,” Christine said, she was clearly in denial. So, Spock stifled a sigh of annoyance as he elucidated the matter for her.

“It is true, the only difference is that I do not emote like they do. If we attempted to pursue a romantic relationship, it would run the same course as all the others. You would enjoy the first few encounters but as the human adage goes, once the honeymoon phase was over; you’d realise how incompatible we are. You would feel ‘stuck’ and find me overly emotional and clingy or perhaps the better word would be suffocating. As time passed, I would eventually want a commitment, to define our relationship and want so much more from you than you are willing to give,” Spock explained in a cool and detached manner. He hadn’t lied, he had given the idea of them as a couple roughly 2 minutes and 46 seconds of thought. It had been enough time for him to dismiss the notion completely and never think of it again.

“You can’t know that for certain,” Christine stated, Spock tilted his head to one side and pretended to look thoughtful. 

“Perhaps not, but I have no desire to find out,” Spock confessed truthfully. He knew that what was left unsaid most likely hurt the most as he told Christine that she wasn’t worth the risk. But La’an was, which was now blatantly obvious given his actions. 

“I see,” Christine said softly as the truth finally sunk in, much to Spock’s relief.

“Good, I hope we can move past it and remain friends, but I’ll understand if it is too difficult for you,” Spock said as he picked up a PADD from his desk hoping she would take the hint and leave. When she didn’t, he looked at her pointedly, Christine awkwardly cleared her throat.

“Please, I’m already over it,” she said with a shaky laugh.

“What are we over?” Sam asked as he came into the room. 

“Plomek soup,” Christine stated awkwardly before Spock could answer.

“It’s an acquired taste, I personally find Vulcan cuisine to be bland, no offence,” Sam said as he parked himself uninvited onto one of the guest chairs.

“None taken, Vulcan cuisine requires a refined palate,” Spock replied in a dry manner. Sam’s opinion of Vulcan cuisine was the least offensive thing of the man.

“On that note, I have to get back to sick bay,” Christine said, she finally took her leave. Spock felt a small measure of relief that their conversation was over. He’d give her space and hope she found someone else to give her attention to.

 “Well, that was awkward, you know you should close your door,” Sam told him.

“If I closed my door then how would you know all the latest gossip?” Spock asked rhetorically, though he had not planned for anyone to overhear them. He had kept the door open to make a faster exit to get back to La’an.

“I didn’t think your social life would be so interesting, but I was wrong,” Sam said with a chuckle.

“I’m glad I could provide you some entertainment,” Spock remarked dryly.

“You could’ve let her down easier than you did,” Sam advised him in a low voice.

“I tried, but it did not work,” Spock stated.

“Well, for future reference, women don’t like knowing they are the problem in the relationship. Just put the blame on yourself, it makes you look better in the long run,” Sam told him, as he leaned back in his chair in a rather smug manner. As a man who spent 80% of his marriage on the other side of the galaxy from his wife, Spock felt he was the last person who should be offering advice.

“Is there a reason you’re here other than to give me unsolicited relationship advice?” Spock asked.

“Ah yeah, here are the latest edits on the paper I want to publish, if you could take a look and my weekly report ahead of schedule,” Sam said proudly as he passed over his PADD. Spock took it and transferred the relevant information to his desk.

“Thank you, I will look over it later,” Spock said, handing the PADD back,  “Is there anything else?” he asked as Sam didn’t seem to be making moves to leave.

“I heard you’ve been spending a lot of time with Lt Noonien-Singh,” Sam remarked with a sly interest.

“And?” Spock asked, he wondered what the man wanted now.

“Just wondering if that’s why you turned down Christine?” Sam asked.

“No, and if you were indeed eavesdropping by the door as your early comment suggests, then you know the reason has nothing to do with Lt Noonien-Singh or anyone I spend a protracted period of my personal time with,” Spock informed him in a cool manner.

“Ok, so you two are not dating?” Sam asked, Spock felt his patience grow thin.

“I do not believe you are Lt Noonien-Singh’s type but if you wish I can ask her-” Spock started, but that got a desirable reaction as Sam’s eyes went wide and he hopped out of the chair like it burnt him.

“What? No, no! I am happily married and in love with my wife. If I were entertaining the notion of cheating I’d pick someone who was not as terrifying as her,” Sam told him.

“I am sure that will give Lt Noonien-Singh some amusement,” Spock replied.

“Don’t tell her that,” Sam told him, he genuinely looked afraid which mildly amused Spock.

“Is there anything else?” Spock asked as he stored the information of Sam’s fear of La’an away for future use.

“No,” Sam replied, which was music to Spock’s ears.

“Then you may leave,” Spock said dismissing him.

“Right, yes Sir,” Sam said as he left the room, Spock gave an inward sigh of relief. He tried to focus on the work at hand but his mind wandered to La’an. It was as if she felt his thoughts for her, as the pull to return to her was breathtakingly strong.

He transferred some of his work to his personal PADD and closed down his station before he left the labs. He didn’t bother with the nasal suppressants Christine gave him. He didn’t need any of his senses impeded when it came to La’an.

One quick turbolift ride, he pressed the doorbell for La’an’s quarters. Her desire for him was intoxicating and enlivening at the same time. The door opened, Spock stepped in and took a deep breath, her scent filled his olfactory senses and pulled him even deeper into a lazy almost meditative trance. 

“That was fast,” La’an remarked. Her hunger, eagerness, relief and joy bloomed through the bond along with a whole myriad of other emotions that made him want to luxuriate in her even more. He couldn’t wait to fuck her again, to taste her pleasure, to hear those needy little noises she made just before she cried out his name in bliss.

“I found it hard to concentrate on my work,” Spock confessed as he placed his PADD on the bookcase.

“Sorry,” La’an said, though she was anything but apologetic as her eyes roved his body. His body responded eagerly, arousal pooled in his stomach and his erection pressed against the tight confines of his pants. He needed her as much as she craved him. 

“I’m not, my work can wait, I cannot,” Spock said, he cupped the back of her head and lead down to kiss her in a dark and carnal manner. One thing he enjoyed about La’an was how completely and utterly uninhibited she was. He relished how quickly her control snapped, La’an jumped up and wrapped her legs around him. 

He carried them to the bed, he laid her gently on the bed and quickly stripped off her pants. The scent of her arousal hit him hard and fast. His mouth watered at the delicious scent, his cock grew even harder, his balls tightened in anticipation. Her beautiful pussy was on full display for him, glistening with need.

He looked at La’an, her pupils were blown, her face taut as desire and deep-seated need clawed inside them both. The lines between them in the bond blurred as their emotions and desires completely aligned. He knelt down at the end of the bed, and pulled her backside the edge, he leaned in close and took a deep breath as La’an’s hitched in her chest in anticipation.

He lifted her right leg over his shoulder and pressed a soft kiss to her inner side of her knee before slowly dragged his tongue down her inner thigh. La’an sucked in a breath as her muscles clenched as pleasure zinged through as his tongue trained down her leg until it reached her pussy. Her breath wooshed out of her, her head dropped back as he licked, sucked and gently nibbled on her clit. 

“You’re so wet,” Spock stated appreciatively, he brought his long fingers into play and La’an’s only reply was tiny little whimpers and gasps mixed with a few curse words. She couldn’t seem to speak as she was too caught up in what he was doing. He smiled as he set to bringing her to orgasm, he lowered his head and drank in her essence and just as he felt La’an on the precipice of coming, the comms went live in the room. 

“Uhura to Lt Spock,” Uhura’s melodic voice said over the internal comms.

Spock lifted his head from between La’an’s legs, she gave a frustrated groan as she had the sheets twisted in her hands. Her legs reflexively pulled tight, trapping Spock in his current position.

“Spock here,” he replied, he kept moving his fingers in her slick core but more slowly.  Not only to luxuriate in the feel of her but also so as to not make any lewd noises Uhura could hear as he used his other thumb to stroke her clit. La’an pulled a pillow onto her face to smother the moans he drew out of her. 

“Sorry, to interrupt your meditation session with Lt Noonien-Singh, but your mother has been trying to reach you for the last 5 minutes and she says it is urgent,” Uhura informed him.

“Inform my Mother that I will call her back in 15 minutes,” He said.

“Yes, Sir, Uhura out,” Uhura replied. 

“Computer, privacy, now,” La’an ordered harshly, Spock smothered a smile of amusement as she was not taking any chances. “Get inside me now,” She ordered.

“Get on your hands and knees,” he told her, La’an released him so fast he nearly caught a foot to the face. He would’ve pointed out the amusement of her eagerness, but they had very little time. He unzipped his pants and pushed them to his knees with his jocks. La’an was already waiting as his cock sprang free, hard and already leaking with precum for her. He stroked the head of his cock through her juices and used it with his own to lube his cock. 

He aligned himself with her slick aching core. They both groaned as he deeply and ruthlessly filled her.

He started with a few slow and shallow strokes but soon enough their desperation and lack of time got the better of him. He was thrusting fast and hard, the deliciously lewd sounds of their lovemaking filled the air with La’an’s cries of pleasure and his grunts of exertion. Pleasure zipped up his spine, his breath burned in his chest as his heart felt like it was being gripped by La’an and the tightening pleasure of her impending orgasm. Just as he wasn’t sure he could bear another moment, she came, he felt exhilarating pleasure and emotions explore from his chest. The release was intoxicating, he stopped thrusting and ground his hips to her backside as he came in hot spurts deep inside of her. He put out his arms and caught his weight as he held himself above her. 

They both were breathing in a shaky manner, their hearts hammered in their chests. La’an’s core pulsed in time with their heartbeat. His cock still hard even after coming, still ready to go again. Spock pulled slightly out of her and thrust back in he felt their combined cum leaking between them and trail down his leg. Some deeply territorial part of him was pleased at the sensation and wasn’t ready to leave the heat of her body. He pressed a soft kiss to La’an’s spine and another to the side of her neck. 

“Spock,” La’an groaned as she dropped onto her elbows, the move pushed her hips a little higher and changed the angle of his cock buried in her. “Oh God, I need more,” she pleaded, he couldn’t agree more but if he didn’t call his mother back, she would keep calling until they spoke.

“I have a call to make, once that is complete, we will continue,” Spock said, he pushed off the bed while at the same time he slowly pulled out of La’an. It was agonisingly pleasurable to leave her body, he wanted to thrust back into her and stay but he couldn’t talk to his mother while he was balls deep in La’an.

He blew out a shaky breath as he felt a little light headed, he pulled up his pants and painfully fastened them up, tucking his hard cock up against his stomach. La’an rolled onto her back and gave him a pleading look, he felt how much she craved his touch. That their quick coupling barely scratched the surface. That deeply primal part of him was pleased to see her glistening with their shared juices and know that she only thought of him. It took what little was left of his self control to not strip down and just give over to her desire and his. But his mother was waiting, he knew the sooner he took her call the sooner he could return to La’an.

“I will be quick,” he promised her, he picked up his PADD and left her quarters and went into his own. He was grateful there was no one in the corridors to see how shaken and sweaty he was.

He checked his appearance in the mirror, fixed his hair and promptly gave up trying to calm his features or wipe off the sweat. There was still time but he was anxious to return to La’an. He moved to his desk and placed the PADD into the docking station. He pulled up his call list and called his Mother. Thankfully, it didn’t take long for her to answer.

“Mother,” Spock said when his mother’s face filled the screen.

“Spock,” Amanda said warmly, she frowned as she took in his appearance. “I see I interrupted a rather vigorous meditation practice,” she drawled, she didn’t believe the lie.

“I was informed that it was urgent that we speak,” Spock stated as he didn’t take the bait she laid out. Though he had to wonder what was so urgent when she didn’t look distressed in the least.

“I had lunch with T’Pring today,” Amanda told him, that particular statement did cool his overheated libido.

“This is urgent news?” Spock asked dryly, he now wished he’d asked Uhura to tell his mother to call tomorrow. He could’ve been relishing his last few hours with La’an instead of hearing about his ex and the current state of her life. He wasn’t even sure why his mother felt the need to keep him updated on such events. It wasn’t like he would be invited let alone go to T’Pring and Stonn’s wedding nuptials.

“No, but Ambassador Syvar’s wife S’Rell stopped by our table and offered her condolences and congratulations. Apparently you have a mate who is a descendant of a genocidal maniac and an augment to boot? I wasn’t sure which part she was congratulating me on or expressing her sorrow for,” Amanda told him, Spock was stunned as that was the last thing he’d expected his mother to say, “Spock,” she prompted when he hadn’t explained himself.

Spock swallowed nervously as he had not mentally prepared himself for this moment at all. The fact it came right after an intense sexual encounter with La’an, didn’t help. He suddenly felt raw and exposed.

“Would it be so terrible if I did not bond with a Vulcan female?” he asked her, he watched as Amanda was surprised by the question but she didn’t look disappointed. She looked at him with concern which wasn't comforting him at all.

“Your father would not be pleased, but as for me, I don’t care who you bond with as long as you’re loved, safe and happy,” Amanda said sincerely, “and I get some grandchildren to spoil,” she added with a smile.

“Mother, I’m being serious,” Spock said, as he didn’t appreciate her facetiousness. She raised an eyebrow at him.

“Are you in a serious relationship with Lieutenant Noonien-Singh?” Amanda asked.

“How do you know her name?” Spock asked, Amanda tilted her head and shot him an incredulous look.

“T’Pring filled me in as there is only one person on your ship who is an augment and has infamous ancestors,” Amanda told him, she huffed a sigh and continued, “Look, I won’t lie, it is important to your father and his side of the family that your mate be a Vulcan. But as I have always told you, you need to live your life for yourself, not others. You can’t please everyone,”

“I care deeply for her, but it is too soon to be discussing anything long term,” Spock half-confessed and half lied. Well, perhaps not a lie but an unrealistic dream. Amanda, unaware of the true nature of his relationship with La’an, smiled as she leaned towards the screen with interest. He realised he revealed too much but it was too late to take it back now.

“I see, did I interrupt your ‘meditation’ with her?” Amanda asked, she gestured air quotations with her fingers. He had long since learnt on Earth that parents enjoyed embarrassing their children. His mother was no different in this regard, she just kept in the confines of their home on Vulcan and private conversations.

“Mother,” Spock groaned as he didn’t want to discuss the extent of his relationship or sex life with his mother.

“We’re adults, you can be candid with me,” Amanda told him.

 “I will endeavour to remember that if I ever have the desire to discuss uncomfortable topics of conversation but today is not that day,” Spock informed her, Amanda chuckled.

“Ok, fine, well with the news of you dating, I will postpone the arrangements your father made with a marriage broker. Just be a little more discreet with your relationship, I’m unsure of Starfleet regulations in regards to your situation and wouldn’t want either of you to get into trouble,” Amanda cautioned him. Spock’s mind whirled at her ready acceptance as she didn’t even talk him out of a relationship with La’an. It was one thing to say she supported his choices but it was always surprising when she backed him like she did now.

“I am not breaking any rules or regulations,” He assured her, she seemed to relax at the assurance.

“Good, well, I hope it all works out well and maybe I could be informally introduced to La’an when you reach Vulcan,” Amanda told him, looking rather excited at the notion.

“I believe it would be too soon to formally or informally introduce you to her. I also am unsure of how long we will be remaining in Vulcan. There may not be anytime,” Spock said, he saw her expression and quickly shifted gears, “But I am sure I can take some personal time to visit you,” he offered as a consolation.

“Excellent, I look forward to seeing you. Until then, take care and try to not meditate too hard with her, human bodies are sturdy but no one-”

“Goodbye, Mother,” Spock said as he hung up the call before she could finish her sentence. He gave a slow exhale letting the stress that coiled within him during the call go. He knew at this moment it would be better to beg forgiveness at a later date than get sex advice from his mother. 

He rose from his desk and picked up his PADD, and headed back to La’an’s quarters. He pressed the doorbell, she called out for him to come in. The doors opened, all thoughts of his earlier conversation with his mother disappeared from his mind. 

The scent of La’an’s heat and sex filled his senses as he walked in. He placed his PADD back on the bookcase before he pulled off his uniform and tank. 

“Did you really have to leave the room?” La’an asked, she laid on the bed rolled up in the sheet as she looked at him with an amused smile. Just the sight of her made him hard again, he was hungry for her all over again.

“Yes, my mother would know I was not in my quarters if I answered in here. Now, where were we?” He asked, he took off his boots and stripped out of the rest of his clothes and tossed them to the side. He stood before her, relishing in her hunger as her eyes roved his naked form.

“I believe you were in the middle of fucking me,” La’an reminded him.

Chapter Text

Spock wasn’t sure when he’d fallen asleep, but when he woke up. La’an was sensually rubbing herself against his thigh as her hands caressed his body in a sleepy but needy manner. 

He knew even in his exhausted and sluggish half awake state that she was still asleep. Her skin was slightly fevered but he knew Pon Farr was starting to fade. It marked the impending ending of their arrangement. He could wallow in sadness that he’d be alone soon but instead he mentally pushed it aside.

He pressed tender kisses to her face, and rubbed her back, she softly moaned as she slowly woke up. Her eyes meet his. He felt a warmth and joy bloom between them, a soft yet salacious smile played sleepily at the corners of her lips. He kissed her, luxuriating in all the unspoken emotions between them. 

Some were easy to identify and voice; happiness, satisfaction, hunger for one another’s touch. Love, the complicated emotion that tied all the others together. He didn’t know whether it was real or just temporarily manufactured from their intense days of coupling. Right now, he chose not to over analyse it, he sank into it, relished it in case it was temporary.

The sluggish excitement and arousal slowly burning into an inferno was all the invitation he needed. He smoothed a hand over her ass and down her thigh, he hitched it over his hip. He guided his erection into her, she sleepily gasped and tilted her head back. 

She moved impossibly closer to him, she pressed her hips tight against his, wanting every inch of him as he slid his cock into her slick flesh with a slow smooth motion. It felt like absolute perfection every time he was inside her. He moved his hips slowly so as not to hurt her as he knew she had to be tender from the previous night’s activities. 

It was a very different kind of sexual act from the ones that preceded it. Never had he experienced this kind of sexual intimacy during Pon Farr. He felt his desires spiralling out as he desperately wanted to hold onto like this, to make love to her like this many times over. 

Her hot, slow kisses, her tongue entwined with his as he continued to move in her, slow and deep. Waves of lazy pleasure repeatedly crashed over them, he felt La’an’s climax slowly build and explode. When he felt her pussy pulse around his cock, he allowed himself to let go, he came.

He barely caught his breath before La’an kissed him in a long and intoxicating manner. He moved to separate them but La’an’s leg on his hip tightened, she shook her head.

“Stay,” she whispered against his lips before she kissed him again. She meant it in every sense of the word. Spock said nothing as he acquiesced her demand and relaxed into the embrace.

He adjusted his head on the pillow, La’an nuzzled his neck and slowly drifted off to sleep. The clarity of his emotions and thoughts aligned as he knew in that very moment, he loved her. It wasn’t a manufactured emotion, nor was it a shocking epiphany. It was as if had always been there and he was finally acknowledging the truth for the first time. 

He knew was being a fool, but in this moment it felt real. He wasn’t feeling the slow cooling of Pon Farr receding into the barren mindscape of the bond where true emotions were buried so deeply they barely existed. There was no slow trickling in of shame, disgust or rationality that La’an should’ve been feeling by now. It had been three days since it all began.

As they laid, their bodies entwined, everything felt right. As if all the pieces were finally coming together and it made sense. He was right where he was supposed to be, with her. She felt it too, she had to, even if her exhaustion stopped her from overthinking it.

He delicately traced her beautiful features as they softened in her sleep. When he gently stroked her hair behind her ear, she gave a sleepy sigh as she snuggled even closer to him. He wrapped his arms tighter around her, and took a deep inhale committing the moment to his memory.

He wasn’t sure how long he watched her sleep while luxuriating in the emotions of their bond when his PADD beeped with a message. He reluctantly and carefully extracted himself from her arms and turned to the bedside table. He picked up the PADD and read the reminder of the monthly breakfast in Chris’ quarters for Department heads. 

“Hmm, don’t look at it,” La’an grumbled as she wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. She rubbed her face against his chest and snuggled into him.

“The department head breakfast meeting is this morning, I must go,” he murmured as he placed the PADD back and embraced her. He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and started to move to get up but she held onto him tight. 

“Mmm, no, don’t go,” she murmured. Sparks and tingles of pleasure and satiation mixed with La’an’s exhaustion and desire for him to remain was like a heady drug. It almost superseded his duty to answer the Captain’s summons.

“It is mandatory and while I have been excused from many of my duties, I cannot miss this meeting. However, I will return with breakfast for you as I am sure the Captain will not let me leave without providing a freshly cooked meal for you,” Spock offered for compensation for his absence.

She knew he had to go, she might be exempt because she was on medical leave. Spock didn’t have that luxury. One thing they both understood too well was the responsibilities of being department heads. Even La’an couldn’t bring herself to impede him from performing his duties to the Enterprise. 

“Fine but come back quickly, I’m not done with you,” she mumbled, she whimpered as he withdrew from her and rose from the bed. He pressed a soft kiss to her temple. She gave him a sleepy content smile as she burrowed into the bedding.

Spock watched her for a long moment before he quickly recycled yesterday’s uniform for a fresh set from the matter synthesiser. He carried the fresh clothing to the bathroom and availed himself to the facilities as took a quick shower and went through his morning ablutions. 

When he came out of the bathroom, La’an looked to be in a deep sleep. The bond between them felt strong and sure, her emotions were settled. She was completely at peace, it was comforting and deeply satisfying to know he gave her that. He just wished he were enough for her, that she would turn to him and say she wanted to stay with him. For it not be a declaration clouded by her fever. He pushed the thoughts away as he headed for the door.

The door barely opened when Spock felt shock rip through him as Torrin stood before him. Time seemed to slow and at the same time be inconceivably fast. He looked down and saw the knife plunged into his stomach, he looked at Torrin. His contradictory state of consciousness persisted, he was surprised and yet somehow not.

“She is mine,” Torrin seethed in Vulcan, his face pale and twisted with hatred. Before Spock could react, Torrin pulled Spock by his shirt and shoved Spock out of the room. Torrin ripped the knife from Spock’s stomach as Spock fell to the floor in a mix of shock and agonising pain.

The door to La’an’s quarters closed, Spock clutched his stomach as he tried to shout. But his voice was stuck in his throat as the pain was overwhelmed. He pressed a hand to his wound to try and steep the bleeding but it seemed to make it worse. Blood seeped out of him at an alarming rate, he felt woozy and his body grew weak. He tried to call out but his world faded out before the words left his lips.

La’an snapped awake as she could’ve sworn she heard Spock shout her name in alarm. But silence eerily reigned in her quarters as cold dread ran down her spine. Her gut told her something was very wrong. She rolled out of bed and quickly pulled on the closest clothes she could find, her sleeping shirt and a pair of knickers. She had just pulled on the shirt when she saw him.

Torrin stood in her quarters, holding a knife. Blood dripped off the blade onto the floor in a slow tempo as he faced the door. When he turned, La’an took in the sight of him, he looked absolutely unhinged. His hair a mess, his clothing torn in places, sweat and blood smeared on his skin. He had scuff marks and bruises forming on his skin.

They stood there, facing each other off for a long moment. He was drinking in the sight of her, like an animal about to pounce on their prey. He was the nightmare that had become a reality. His presence in the room was oppressive, she felt his dark oiliness permeated the room.

But for the first time ever, it didn’t seep into her skin and her being like before. It crowded her but it couldn’t seem to touch her. Something fundamentally shifted in her bond with Spock. It was protecting her. She looked at the blood dripping on her floor. She knew it was Spock’s, she could feel his pain like a distant memory.

“Computer, medical emergency!” she ordered, but the computer didn’t respond. “Doctor M’Benga-”

“They can’t hear you, I have shut down internal comms to your quarters. I didn’t want us to be interrupted,” Torrin told her. He took a step forward and she took one back.

“What did you do to Spock?” La’an demanded. She tried to keep space between them but circle to the door and get to her weapons cache she had in her room.

“Who cares, he’s dead in the hallway, he was a weak male. That bond with him will fade with his last breath and you will be free of his hold and realise that I am your true mate!” he told her with pride. As if he had done her favour.

“No,” she said as she knew Spock wasn’t dead nor was he weak like the man standing before her. Torrin however, mistook her ‘no’ for disbelief and denial. 

“Yes,” he said, he confirmed what he felt to be true. He believed Spock was dead but he didn’t feel what La’an felt. Nor did he understand that he was the one who was weak, not Spock nor was La’an. If Torrin thought she’d just submit to him he was about to be proved very wrong in his assumption.

“You need to leave,” she told him firmly.

“Leave? I just got here, mate,” Torrin told her, he moved to her, this time she didn’t back away.

“I am not nor will I ever be your mate,” La’an promised him as she was ready to fight.

Adrenaline mixed with the pain as Spock came to. The firm pressure on his abdomen and someone shouting his name filtered in. The hallway glowed in red lighting as alarm sounded with others shouting.

“Spock! Stay with me!” Una shouted at him, he groaned as his eyes were bleary, he felt weak as pain seared deeper into his being.

“M’Benga is on his way, where is the security team?!” Una demanded as she pressed harder into his gut, the sounds of many footfalls sounded. Spock looked to La’an’s door to see Chris and Ortegas trying to open it manually.

“La’an, if you can hear us, open the door!” Chris shouted.

“Spock, what’s going on?” Una demanded. It took Spock what felt like an eternity to find his voice but thankfully he did.

“Torrin, he’s in there,” Spock said, his voice trailed off, as his vision clouded with specks and stars. His head felt like it was swimming while his body felt cold and numb. Una pressed down on him, he felt a hot slice of pain awaken him.

“Erica, go get phasers from the weapons locker on this deck. Una, I need you to help me pry the door open,” Chris said, heavy footfalls sounded in the hallway. Spock saw Una look over her shoulder in relief.

“M’Benga over here!” Una shouted, “He’s lost a lot of blood, I can’t stop it.” 

The panic in her voice was far from comforting as Spock tried to remain conscious. M’Benga and Nurse Chapel hovered above him. He could see they were talking but everyone and everything felt distant, their voices muffled. He desperately wanted to help and yet he couldn’t. His body gave out, everything snapped out for him.

La’an groaned from the exertion as she quickly adjusted her hold on the knife. She vainly tried to plunge the knife into Torrin’s neck but he managed to stop the blade. They struggled, she tried to force the blade into his neck and tried to stop her. The blade was so close, just one more centimetre and it would’ve been all over. 

Her body shook from the sheer strength and exertion. But Torrin was fighting hard as he held her dominant arm with such brutal strength that she felt her bones in her forearm start to bend closer together. She cried in frustration, anger and pain, she needed more leverage. She was about to dead leg him with a kick to the back of his thigh when he threw her over his shoulder. The knife nicked his neck on the way through.

La’an landed on the floor hard but quickly rolled away, knife thankfully still in hand. She waited for Torrin to make the next move and to muster some more energy to fight. Her quarters were absolutely trashed as she was. 

Her body throbbed in pain, she was covered in fresh bruises, cuts and scrapes. She was sure she had glass in her back and feet from when he threw her into her mirror. Blood and sweat, her own and his, smeared across her skin.

They both heaved for air, the fight was taking its toll. But neither was backing down. She’d rather go to prison for life than submit to him. 

But all the physical exertions of the past three days and little sleep were catching up on her. Spock’s bond protected her, but Torrin’s overbearing psycho presence was pressing in a claustrophobic manner. It was becoming hard for her to keep it together. It didn’t help that her focus was split, she wanted to get to Spock but Torrin was frustratingly in her way. 

He swiped the blood from his neck where the blade had slightly nicked him. It was too shallow to slow him down. If anything it seemed to motivate him as he grinned at the blood on his fingers. The expression was haunting as all of this was some kind of sick foreplay to him.

“I enjoy a good fight but this grows tiresome, especially given we could be revelling in more pleasurable pursuits,” He told her as they circled one another looking for an opening to attack.

“Only for you,” La’an spat.

“That halfbreed has made you delusional. But I will take immense pleasure in correcting you. I know it won’t take much before you’ll be begging for the pleasure only I can give you,” he mused. He moved in fast but she was ready, she parried his punch and managed to sink her knife into his shoulder. He grunted in pain and grabbed her by the throat with his good arm. 

He pushed them back, slammed her hard into the wall as she ripped the knife out. Pain exploded through her, her ears rang as she momentarily lost control of her body for a moment. The knife slipped out of her grasp and clattered to the floor. Torrin pushed her up the wall by her neck, she tried to fight him, tried to find some purchase to get out of his hold. But his hands tightened as he choked off her air supply. It only occurred to her that he got the upperhand on her because he was reading her mind, he knew her moves before she did them. 

She gasped for air as she tried everything to get his grip to lessen. His arms were longer than her reach, he barely registered her kicking his chest. Panic rose within her as her vision clouded and her limbs grew heavy and weak. 

If she lost consciousness, she would be completely at his mercy. Sadly, she was out of options or so she thought. The door to her quarters partially opened and the familiar sound of phaser fire rented the air. Torrin froze for a moment, then his grip slackened but she felt herself fall to the floor. Everything went black.

Chapter Text

Spock soothingly rubbed La’an’s back with one hand while his other hand was intertwined with hers. He pressed soft kisses to her knuckles, their bodies intertwined. Her head rested on his chest, she listened to the steady beat of his heart. Everything felt right, it felt perfect. Their surroundings were warm and bedding sumptuous. All she could see or feel was him. It was all that mattered as she held onto him.

However, the more they laid there, something niggled at the back of mind that something wasn’t entirely right. There was something too vague about their surroundings, a little out of focus. She couldn’t tell where they were but it felt familiar and foreign at the same time.

“Is this real?” La’an asked, softly, almost afraid of the truth.

“I believe it’s the bond between us,” Spock murmured, his lips brushing the crown of her head. La’an sighed as she could feel his emotions, the resignation intermingled with sadness. It unlocked the part of her memory that her subconscious was trying to protect her. She remembered. Cold harsh reality sank into her bones and chilled her. Her heart ached as she interpreted his emotions to mean the worst. 

“You’re not going anywhere,” La’an told him, she held onto him tighter. She tried to keep them cocooned in the warm illusion their bond gave them.

“We might not have a choice in the matter,” Spock mumbled weakly.

“We do, I need you to stay, don’t leave me Spock,” La’an begged him, as she felt him slipping out of her grasp.

La’an’s mind snapped awake but her body was slow to follow. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t open her eyes, she could barely breathe as she was frozen in her own body. But she could hear people talking about Spock, about her, the anger and frustration mirrored her own state as Spock felt so far away. The connection between them was distant and vague, it was barely a flicker.

Torrin’s oily presence nightmarishly oozed over her. It covered her entire being and congealed on her skin, suffocating her as it seeped into her being, attempting to snuff her out. She vainly tried to move, tried to scream but the noise was trapped in her throat as her mouth wouldn’t move. Her heart pounded in her chest, panic gripped her, she was truly trapped.

She burst awake, eyes wide open as she jackknifed upright. She sucked in a sharp breath of air and then her body stalled. It was like she'd forgotten how to function, her lungs and throat seized. Alarms blared around her, people shouted what sounded like nonsense around her, hands grabbed onto. Her vision blurred, stars and specks criss-crossed along her vision. Torrin’s oiliness coated her, she could almost hear his whisper in her ear. She mentally called for Spock, she could barely sense their bond but the parts she could feel inside her, she gripped hard onto it. She wasn’t losing him, he was her lifeline. 

Something or someone pounded her on the back. Once, twice, they hit her in a timed beat, her lungs and throat remembered their job. She coughed out her breath. Then hiccupped in her next breath. Her heart hammered in her chest, she felt hands grab onto her to stop her falling forward.

It took what felt like an eternity before she was able to take in weak, shaky breaths. Her body trembled, hot tears rolled down her heated face. Her mind was able to process the cacophony of noises. Her body and emotions were in complete turmoil still.

“We got him back,” Christine said in relief, she was behind La’an.

La'an looked over her shoulder as she was finally able to register she was in sickbay. Her head swam as oxygen rushed through her system and adrenaline started to dump out of her system.

“Hang another bag of T-negative and IV fluids, let’s hope he remains stable while they ready the cellular regeneration chamber on Vulcan,” M’Benga told Christine.

“Yes, Doctor,” Christine responded.

“Hey, you’re ok, you’re safe, just try to breathe,” Una said. La'an registered her friend and mentor who was holding her up at her right side. Una's expression was brimming with fear and concern.

“Spock?” she rasped, her voice raw and rough. Her entire being felt incredibly raw like she’d been chewed up and spat out by a great beast. The only exception was a tiny small flicker of the bond inside. It was there but weak just as she and Spock were but they held onto it.

“Joseph,” Chris called from La’an’s left side as everyone ignored her question. She whipped her head to look at Spock again, but she couldn't get a good view. Tears brimmed in her eyes as so many sensations filled her, too many and all at once and none of them were pleasant. She looked down at her arms and hands, her fingertips were dark purple, the veins in her arms and hands had turned almost pitch black and were bulging under her skin. 

Before she could even ask what was happening. She a slow groan of pain tore out of her throat. It felt as if a hand was clawing through her skull down her throat into her chest cavity trying to find her heart. She closed her eyes and tried to block out the immense pain, as it felt like invisible nails tore through the soft tissue inside her. She mentally curled around what was left of her bond with Spock, taking strength from it but also protecting it.

“Joseph! We need you here!” Chris shouted.

“Move aside, Captain Pike,” a stoic and calm voice stated, La’an felt a cold, dry hand press firmly on her forehead as she was laid back onto bed. It was like a cool soothing balm slowly smoothed over her. The pain lessened, but she remained protectively curled up in the bond with Spock, her mind felt safer in his care than anywhere else. She was completely overwhelmed to the point of numbness in her body, nothing made sense. “She is being attacked from within,”

“Temper your tongue, Ambassador Sarek before you say something that you cannot take back,” another man said that La’an didn’t recognise. 

“Only a fool would pretend to be ignorant to what we are witnessing here. I demand Torrin be binded immediately,” Sarek said. She knew everything had gone to hell when Torrin attacked her in her quarters. But she had no idea it had reached a level that Spock's father was involved. Dread filled her as nothing had gone to plan, now, she had no idea what was happening. At the same time, a very big part of her didn't care as Sarek's cool touch gave her much needed respite.

She kept her eyes closed with Torrin’s presence kept at bay, she felt her bond with Spock slowly repair itself. She focused her energy on Spock, she needed him, she needed to feel the certainty and clarity of their connection, of his emotions. In his current state his emotions were unguarded but so quiet like soft whispers luring her in. 

The only thing she felt clearly was that he desperately yearned for her, as she did for him. She mentally reached out, where before, metaphorically speaking, it felt like maybe their fingers were just barely touching. She now had his hand in her grip, she held on tight. The connection was getting stronger, she felt more of him, his pain, his exhaustion. It mirrored her own state, but she’d persevere for them both.

“Or what?” the other man asked.

“I’ll transport you to the surface and warp my ship and crew out of here,” Chris said in a resolute tone. 

“You would disobey direct orders from your superiors?” the man asked, La’an slowly opened her eyes and found the back of her bed was slightly upright. M’Benga was having another IV drip to her biobed. She looked to Sarek who had his palm pressed to her forehead.

It was a strange position to be in given the last few days. She looked at Sarek and saw so much of Spock in him in his physicality but it seemed that was where the similarities ended as he felt so stark, rigid and austere in comparison. She wondered if it was how truly he was as a person, or just a mask he wore for the moment.

“Administrator Dzshossen, I would without hesitation if it meant protecting my crew and I’d happily take whatever punishment that Starfleet would give out because I am at my limit with you and the Vulcan High Council,” Chris told Dzshossen who looked slighted at the notion of being roughly ejected from the ship. 

Dzshossen raised an eyebrow in a haughty manner at Chris. He appeared middle aged but it was hard to decipher a Vulcan’s age, with a balding head who wore robes that were immaculately tailored robes. He had the air of someone who saw every moment as a stepping stone to something better, than actually being helpful. His presence and Sarek’s set La’an on edge. She understood Sarek’s presence as Spock was injured but an Administrator from the Vulcan High Council, meant the situation was catastrophic, diplomatically speaking.

“If my son and Lieutenant die before the ritual is complete, then so will Torrin,” Sarek stated.

“La’an,” M’Benga said softly as the conversation continued over them. She wanted to involve herself in the argument that Sarek, Chris and Dzshossen were having about her. But she had to prioritize her energy and the bond, it anchored her, it was keeping her sane in it all. “I’m giving you some medicine that will help you feel a little better, and I’m increasing your oxygen, just try to breathe deeper if you can,”

“Spock,” she said, she needed to know how he was.

“He is being taken care of,” M’Benga assured her, it wasn’t an answer but it was the best she’d get as he looped the nasal cannula line over her ears and adjusted it to her nose. 

“Focus on him,” La’an told him, slurred as she felt herself becoming drowsy, she couldn’t get in enough air to breathe even with the extra oxygen pouring in. M’Benga gave her a soft knowing look mixed with empathy as he used the hypospray on her. The medicines didn’t seem to be doing much but she didn’t comment as her attention slipped back to the conversation before her.

“I am certain if the female dies, her corpse-” Dzshossen started but Chris cut him off.

“I’d seriously rethink what you’re about to say because everything on this ship is recorded and sent to several Federation servers.  Consensual or not, Necrophilia with a deceased citizen of the Federation is a crime under Federation law, one the Vulcans don’t have special dispensation for,”  Chris said, he looked disgusted at just the fact he had to say as much out loud. La'an swallowed her own nausea that it was being discussed and that it could relate to her.

“Torrin has a right to survive,” Dzshossen told them, it was clear who’s side he was on.

“Survival is not an entitlement. However, one would believe it is in Torrin’s best interest to endure the bind to give him an advantage in the ritual as he will need his strength,” Sarek argued.

“You make a compelling point, Ambassador Sarek. I will contact Ambassador Syvar and the Vulcan High Council,” Dzshossen said.

“You do that,” Chris told him, and he looked at Una,  “Number One, take Administrator Dzshossen to the bridge where he can contact the surface,” he ordered.

“Yes, Captain,” Una said as she escorted the man out of the sickbay. 

“I swear, I am at the end of my rope here,” Chris admitted to Sarek once Administrator Dzshossen had left sickbay.

“Captain, I’m sorry, this wasn’t supposed to happen like this,” La’an told Chris, he shook his head at her.

“La’an, you have nothing to apologise for, nothing.” he told her adamantly. La’an wanted to argue, but Sarek spoke before she could.

“Lt Noonien-Singh, I am going to slowly lift my hand away. If you feel any pain, inform me immediately,” Sarek told her, she prepared herself for the worst but Chris spoke up before Sarek could move a millimetre.

“Can you not stop what you’re doing, at least until we know Torrin is bound or binded, what is that?” Chris asked him. Sarek didn’t look happy with the request or the question but inclined his head.

“It is a device that impedes his ability to use his telepathic abilities on another being. We use them for our most violent V'tosh ka'tur,” Sarek explained, his expression becoming slightly pinched as if he were in pain, “It might be in our best interest to summon my clan leader and wife to the ship. T’Rama is at my residence in Shikar. Her telepathic ability is stronger than my own and it will allow me to do what I must to assist in Spock’s recovery. Lt Noonien-Singh will also require guidance that I cannot provide,” he added.

“I’ll get it done, right now,” Chris said, he gently took La’an’s hand in his. It felt so hot against her own skin, he gave her a comforting squeeze. “Just hang in there, La’an,” he told her. She gave a nod.

“What are you doing to me?” La’an asked Sarek when they were alone or as alone as one could be in sickbay.

“All telepathic species learn particular skills to shield their minds from being intruded upon. I am merely extending that shield for want of a better word to your mind. It is not something I thought possible without a mindmeld but I believed it was worth attempting, if only to ease your suffering without further telepathic intrusion on your mind, are you in pain?” he asked.

“Some,” she answered but it wasn’t as bad as before. 

“Torrin has successfully created a very strong nonconsensual bond with you. I cannot entirely block it. I cannot imagine the agony you’ve endured since or how you and Spock have managed to maintain the bond you have at the same time,” Sarek observed. He seemed mildly intrigued and impressed.

“I’ve endured worse,” La’an half lied.

“That is an unsettling statement for someone as young as you to admit.” he said, he looked away. La’an followed his gaze to see Amanda and an older Vulcan woman walk quickly into the sickbay. 

“Husband, how is Spock?” Amanda asked in concern. She was immaculately dressed as always but today she was in a sumptuous purple silk floor length gown with a v neck line, long sleeves and a high neck collar. Her hair was quaffed into an intricate updo decorated with delicate silver hair pins.

Beside her, the older Vulcan Female was dressed in a black gown of a similar gossamer of fabric to Amanda's. It was boat neck, with a cape sleeves, her hands were adorned with gold jewellery, her hair was cut in the more traditional short hairstyle Vulcan women wore. Her outfit, jewellery and general disposition all spoke of wealth and privilege. 

“He appears stable, however I am fast coming to the conclusion that it requires protecting her mind and their bond,” Sarek said, Amanda looked at La’an like she was truly seeing her for the first time. 

The older woman, La’an surmised to be T'Rama, looked intrigued by Sarek’s statement but somehow was not surprised. Even as she wore the same austere expression, she had an aura of protectiveness about her. It wrapped around La’an like a comforting blanket, the closer T’Rama got to her. The gnawing she felt from her bond with Torrin, lessened even further which was a great relief.

“Mrs Grayson,” M’Benga said in greeting.

“Amanda, please, tell me how my son is,” Amanda demanded softly. She went with M’Benga to Spock’s biobed behind them. La’an wanted to hear what they were saying but they spoke too low for her.

 “Mother, this Lt La’an Noonien-Singh, Lieutenant, this is T’Rama, Spock’s grandmother and leader of our clan,” Sarek said, introducing them. 

“So, this is the augmented human I have been lectured on for the past hour by the Vulcan High Council. Sarek, you and your son certainly are doing everything in your power to dilute our Familial lines,” T’Rama remarked, her tone seemed harsh but her expression had a faint tinge of amusement to it.

“After today, I believe Vulcan society would benefit from a little dilution,” Sarek told her.

“I can’t say I disagree with you, but only minimally for the moment,” T’Rama motioned for Sarek to step away. He slowly slipped his hand off her forehead. La’an waited for the pain to return in full force but thankfully it didn’t. It strangely remained at bay, like a wild animal trying to claw its way back in, “Child, may I?” she asked La’an, she gestured to La’an’s body in an ambiguous manner.

“What are you going to do?” La’an asked her.

“I wish to examine the damage wrought on you. I will not intrude on the privacy of your mind or memories. However, I need to understand what Torrin and Spock have imposed upon you telepathically speaking, to assist in your healing,” T’Rama told her.

“Spock didn’t impose anything on me,” La’an told her, she was not going to have anyone besmirch Spock’s reputation.

“Of course, I apologise for my poor choice of words, may I?” T’Rama asked, La’an nodded, the older woman took her hand and touched her shoulder. She inspected La’ans fingers, her palm and arm. She made a tutting sound, “A nonconsensual mating bond is like an insidious disease on the mind and body. He’s weakening you into compliance. I've not seen a case this bad in many decades and I cannot believe the Vulcan High Council is allowing this abhorrent behaviour,” she remarked cooly as she rested La’an’s arm back on the bed.

“Will it kill me?” La’an asked her.

“When did he touch you last?” T’Rama asked in curiosity, she leaned in disconcertingly close and looked into La’an’s eyes. 

“I don’t know, I lost consciousness,” La’an said. T’Rama looked at Sarek, he stepped forward, his hands remained behind his back.

“I was informed the altercation ended three hours ago. She was screaming in agony when I arrived two hours ago. I believed it was due to the injuries she sustained in the fight. It was only after we returned from our meeting much later that I saw her arms and her eyes that I knew differently,” Sarek answered.

La’an wondered what was wrong with her eyes, but it seemed irrelevant given she could still see. T’Rama looked mildly surprised at Sarek’s account, she looked at La’an in a new light like Amanda had. La’an was no more understanding of what was happening than she was before.

“How intriguing. Fortunately, if Torrin is binded, majority of the physical damage will reverse itself in a matter of minutes. Psychologically it will be much longer,” T’Rama stated, she clasped her hands together in front of her, “I have never in all my centuries of living been more disappointed in another Vulcan.” 

“Can you sever Torrin’s bond with me?” La’an asked her. T’Rama shook her head.

“Not without causing irreparable damage to you,” T’Rama’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully for a moment, she reached for La’an, “Come, get to your feet,” she ordered as she took out the IV and pulled the oxygen nasal cannula off La’an’s face.

“The doctor does not-” Sarek started.

“Sarek, procure that chair and place it by Spock’s side,” T’Rama ordered, La’an slid off the bed. Her legs nearly gave out but T’Rama held her up.

“What are you doing? She shouldn’t be getting up,” M’Benga said as he and Amanda stood by Spock’s bedside. He moved around to stop them but Sarek stepped in front of M'Benga as he placed a stool next to Spock’s bedside.

“Doctor?” T’Rama prompted.

“M’Benga,” M’Benga answered.

“Doctor M’Benga, there are many things I prohibited from explaining to you, so you will have to allow me to use practical application,” T’Rama helped La’an onto the chair, she took La’an’s hand and placed it into Spock’s.

The effect was almost instantaneous, La’an took her first real deep breath since waking up. She rested her other hand further up his arm. Relief and anguish curdled within her, he was alive, but he looked so pale and fragile. It was her fault. She knew logically she wasn’t, but it didn’t change the guilt that gnawed at her. If he hadn’t gotten involved with her, he might not be in this state. But at the same time, she was selfish as she didn’t want to change a thing.

She wished the bed was big enough for her to crawl into and wrap herself around him. To comfort him, to show him the care he’d given her. To love him, as if it were enough to help heal him faster in some way. She rested her head on his arm, relishing the meagre physical contact and settling in for as long as they’d allow her.

“Spock’s vitals are improving,” Christine murmured in surprise. La’an rested her eyes, as she had no energy for anything else.

“As are La’an’s. Is this the mating bond?” M’Benga asked T’Rama.

“The power of thought and connection can have a profound effect on the body,” T’Rama explained, a moment passed, La’an felt herself being lulled to sleep, “Leave her be, they are stronger together than they are apart for now,” T’Rama said softly.

As La’an drifted off to sleep, she didn’t dream, she didn’t have a nightmare, and she had no idea how long she had been sleeping. Not until she felt a hand softly rest on her shoulder. She opened her eyes and blinked a few times, the hand gently urged her to sit up,

“La’an,” Amanda said softly, “It’s time to wake up,”

“How long was I asleep?” La’an asked drowsily as she reluctantly sat up, she nearly fell off the stool as she forgot there was no back, but Amanda’s soft but firm hand kept her upright. 

“About an hour, the medical team needs to prepare Spock for transport to Vulcan for further treatment,” Amanda told her.

Spock’s pallor looked better than before, she wished he would open his eyes and say something. But he was still weak, the bond between them had repaired itself in their sleep. She smiled softly, she knew he was going to be ok, she was going to make certain of it, no matter what.

“Of course,” La’an said, she gripped Spock’s hand and arm in her hands and gave him a reassuring squeeze. She hoped he could feel her presence.

“You will be reunited in two hours time,” Amanda assured her, La’an nodded as she reluctantly released her hold on him. She pushed the chair back from the bed and slowly rose to her feet. 

“You’re looking much better than before,” Christine observed, she left M’Benga and the other staff to tend to Spock to assess her. La’an nodded, she felt stronger than earlier, her veins were settled back in her skin, they were still dark but her fingers looked close to their normal colour. She wasn’t fighting fit, but she’d make do with whatever was to come.

“Torrin has been forced to submit to being binded which has helped dramatically,” T’Rama told her, La’an had been so focussed on Spock, she hadn’t even noticed the silence of Torrin’s bond. It still existed in her like a stain but it was dormant for the first time in days.

“How do you feel?” Christine asked as she scanned her with a medical transcorder.

“Better than before,” La’an said.

“Good, we need to take our leave as there is little time to prepare and there is much to discuss,” T’Rama said.

“The Captain and Una want a word with La’an before you all go, it won’t take long. I’ll help you get changed and you can have your meeting in M'Benga's office and use the transporter there,” Christine said, it sounded like it was all planned out.

“How long will all of this take?” T’Rama asked Christine, she did not look impressed with the delay.

“Probably 15 - 20 minutes,” Christine speculated.

“Please stress to your Captain that time is of the essence,” Amanda said kindly before T’Rama could say something more scathing.

“He is aware,” Christine assured them before she guided La’an away. La’an looked back just to see Spock transported away. She wondered how the distance would affect their bond. But as he dematerialised their bond remained strong and secure. “He’ll be ok, he’s being transported to Vulcan’s most state of the art medical facility,” Christine told her.

“How bad was his injury?” La’an asked her.

“It was bad, if he weren’t half human, he’d be dead, for sure,” Christine said as they entered M’Benga’s office. The windows frosted opaque to give La’an privacy. On the table sat a fresh uniform and a pair of boots on the floor.

“I don’t understand,” La’an said. She slowly started to get changed into her uniform. The heat that clawed at her for days was faint, her body was a collection of aches and pains. She truly felt like she was going through the motions rather than trying to find a solution as her brain was too muddled for anything else.

“Spock’s internal anatomy is closer to Vulcan than Human, so all his organs are in different places to us. But they are also not exactly in the right place either.” Christine saw La’an’s confused expression and sighed,  “I’m not explaining this well, when Torrin stabbed him, he went for a kill move, but Spock’s heart is a little higher than the average Vulcan. So, the blade did serious damage and he suffered major blood loss. Luckily, we were able to surgically repair most of the damage but the Vulcans have a cellular regeneration chamber which means he can be completely healed in a matter of hours than weeks,”

“Good,” La’an said, tears filling her eyes, emotionally exhausted to decipher what she felt. She just just felt everything at once. She wanted to just curl up in a ball on the floor and wait until the world made sense again. But it wasn’t a luxury she could afford.

“La’an, are you ok?” Christine asked her softly.

“No,” La’an confessed softly.

“You can tell me anything, it will be kept in the strictest confidence,” Christine assured her softly.

“I’m not ready to talk about it,” La’an said, as she tugged on her boots. Christine nodded in understanding.

“Ok, well do you think you could drink something for me?” she asked, she went to the replicator at the wall. She punched in an order and a glass with a creamy liquid appeared.

“What is it?” La’an asked as she took the glass and took a tentative sniff.

“It’s a nutritional supplement drink, I’m not sure how much you’ve eaten or drunk the last few days. But you’re about to be transported onto Vulcan in the peak of their summer. This will replenish anything the meds and IVs haven’t. I think it will help,” Christine said.

“Thank you,” La’an said, she placed the drink to the side, unsure if she could stomach it. She instead focussed on her hair that she quickly pulled into a low bun.

“No problem, and it sounds like the Captain and Commander are here, you ready?” Christine asked her.

“As I’ll ever be,” La’an said as she rose to her feet and tugged on her uniform top to make sure she looked more presentable. Christine left the office and a second later, Chris and Una walked in.

“Captain, Commander,” La’an addressed them.

“La’an at ease, we just wanted to see you privately before you left,” Chris said as he gestured for her to sit. La’an gratefully retook the guest chair, while Chris sat in M’Benga’s office chair. Una remained standing, they both radiated so much care and concern La’an wished they’d be more angry with her. She knew how to handle anger.

“Captain, I apologise-” La’an started, but Chris shook his head. She closed her mouth.

“La’an, as I said before, you have nothing to apologise for.” he told her firmly. He kept saying she didn’t have to apologise, but it didn’t allay her guilt or shame.

“I failed in my responsibilities as chief of security, people were hurt because of me,” she told him, she had no idea the true extent of the damage Torrin reaped on the ship and crew to get to her. But she felt responsible for it.

“Not in my opinion, what has happened here,” he blew out a slow breath and shook his head. He looked like was struggling with his own emotions on the matter. He looked La’an head on,  “La’an, I am so deeply sorry, any anger I have, it’s not directed at you or Spock. I just hate feeling helpless and this entire situation… I now understand your wishes in remaining silent and why you were so adamant about it. It’s frustrating that we can’t charge him with the multiple physical assaults and damage to the ship as the federation won’t waive diplomatic immunity and neither will his father.”

La’an didn't know what to say, she kept silent as Chris talked on.

“But the heinous part of all of this is there are no federation laws, and we have no legal basis for prosecution for how he’s…our laws don’t recognise nonconsensual telepathy as a crime. The Vulcan High Council clearly needs a lesson in morality and ethics in that regard too, as far as I’m concerned.” Chris surmised in an aggrieved manner. She could only imagine the conversations he had to have because of her.

“You’re not wrong there,” Una grumbled.

“We can’t even discuss everything we want with you because I’ve been told you need to go to Vulcan as there is a lot you need to prepare for. But I need you to be aware that no matter what is said, Torrin and Ambassador Syvar are at fault, not you nor Spock. I’m so sorry for what you are enduring, I truly wish there was more I could do,” Chris told her.

“It’s ok, Sir, I already knew there was no recourse for me. I was just lucky Spock was here to help me through it,” La’an stressed as she didn’t want him to get into trouble. Chris fought to not smile.

“Oh, I have been made very aware of how much he’s helped by Una and Joseph,” he said, he made it perfectly clear that he was fully aware of what La’an and Spock had been doing for the past three days. 

“The walls are pretty thin on Deck 6,” Una remarked. La’an’s eyes went wide as she hadn’t even thought.

“Oh god,” La’an groaned, absolutely mortified. She realised not only had she and Spock been fucking practically non-stop for three days, she hadn’t showered since the day before. 

Chris and Una smothered their smiles, their joke on her injected the room with much needed levity.

“Thankfully not that thin,” Chris mused before he sobered, “However, it may be brought up at some point while we’re on Vulcan, because of Spock’s actions to protect you and the sanctions Vulcans placed on what information they release to the Federation as per our alliance. Concessions had to be made by the Federation and Vulcan High Council which means there will be consequences for him and you by association,” Chris informed her.

“Like what?” La’an asked, she wondered why it felt like she was always being punished for something she didn’t even start or encourage. 

“They vary and are dependent on the outcome of today,” Chris said.

“It’s best you not worry about that until it happens. We just want you to know that we support you and any decisions you and Spock make. The Captain will be there to observe the fight as a representative of the Federation. I have to remain on board the Enterprise.” Una said, La’an frowned as she wondered why they were being purposefully vague.

“If Torrin wins, I don’t-”

“We have been ordered to not interfere, if he looks like he’s going to win, Enterprise will beam us up and we’ll warp. Orders be damned,” Chris told her vehemently.

“They would strip you of your command or worse,” La’an told him. Chris gave her a wry smile but there was an edge to it ,like there was something he knew that she didn’t.

“I don’t care, some actions are worth the consequences, take care of yourself down there, and I’ll see you at the fight,” Chris told her, he rose and La’an stood up out of deference to his station.

“Yes, Captain,” She replied, Chris left the room but Una remained.

“La’an,” Una said softly, her tone filled with so many meanings. 

“Does he really know?” La’an asked, she didn’t want the Captain to be privy to her sex life. 

“That you took my fuck or die advice to heart?” Una teased, La’an glowered at her, Una shook her head, “No, but when you were brought in to sickbay, he overheard Nurse Chapel say something that was not entirely true,”

“What?” La’an asked.

“Nurse Chapel was concerned that Torrin had raped you as she initially found what appeared to be Vulcan seminal fluid on you, but further scans showed it to be Spock’s,” Una said, La’an’s face burned with renewed embarrassment. 

“Can we not talk about this,” La’an said, uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. She remembered Vulcans had a strong sense of smell. Logically, she knew that they were already aware she and Spock were intimate. But it was another thing for his family to be able to smell it.

She gave in and took a tentative smell of herself. She pulled the collar of her uniform top out and dipped her head down and took a sniff. She didn’t smell fresh but she wasn’t pungent, at least to her nose. 

“Hey, I’m not kink shaming, but I had to explain it to Chris so he understood what was going on. He was about to go apoplectic," Una told her.

“Does the crew know?” La’an asked, she irrationally wondered if she should just kidnap Spock. Change their names and go on the run before the ritual. Una gave her a reassuring smile that didn’t help at all.

“No, they think you’ve been suffering from Vulcan flu and been in isolation with Spock looking after you. That you caught it from Torrin, his case was so serious he fell into a delusional state from a high fever and went on a rampage,” Una said.

“They believe that?” La’an asked sceptically as she’d call bullshit on it in a heartbeat. Una shook her head.

“Not really, but they haven’t come up with a better explanation or the truth yet,” Una said.

“Great,” La’an deadpanned, the going on the run plan was looking better with each passing moment.

“La’an, everything will be ok, no matter what, right?” Una told her.

“I hope so,” La’an said.

Chapter Text

La'an looked up at Spock's childhood home on Vulcan. Somehow it was exactly how she imagined it. It was a large, three-storey house with large windows nestled in a hillside, surrounded by a red forest and an immaculately tended garden. Everything about the property had flow and symmetry.

Further down the hill, the property ended on a beach of one of the few oceans that Vulcan had. La'an could just about hear the water lapping to shore; it was so quiet. She wondered for a moment what kind of child Spock was. She wondered whether Vulcan children played wild and carefree or if they were little versions of adult Vulcans. She hoped it was the former.

"Come, we shouldn't stay outside in this heat for longer than necessary," T'Rama said. La'an followed her and Amanda into the house. 

The interior of the house felt as minimalist as the exterior; there were art pieces on display but no family photos or portraits. It was a stark contrast to what her family home looked like as a child on the colony ship. It was also the complete opposite of Una’s home, as there was a whole tapestry of mementoes and photos in her house on Earth. 

But for all of what Spock’s childhood home lacked in her human viewpoint, there was a quiet, peaceful warmth to the house. There was no mistaking that this was very much a home.

"We have much we need to do before the ritual," Amanda added. The two hadn’t stopped talking about food, dresses and who would be attending the ritual fight for La'an to choose from since they left the medbay.

"I'm going to fight Torrin," La'an told them. T'Rama and Amanda paused in their conversation and turned to face her.

"La'an, I don't—" Amanda frowned and looked at T'Rama. "She can't do that, can she?"

"There is no rule that says she cannot choose herself. Although I must urge you to reconsider," T’Rama advised La’an.

"I won't; I refuse to let any more people risk their lives for mine," La’an said. She was exhausted and feeling like a rather faded version of herself. With the Pon Farr having drained out of her system and Torrin’s psionic presence no longer pressing on her, she could think more clearly.

It was all a mess; she felt guilty about her staff being injured in the attempt to subdue Torrin from reaching her. But Spock, it frightened her how close she’d come to losing him. She loved him; she wasn’t even entirely sure when it happened or if it was reciprocated. Let alone begin to process what it would mean going forward for her.

In the past she’d always been so careful to not get too close to protect her heart.Now, she felt deeply attached to Spock, it was something she had no real experience navigating, and yet, she wanted to. Desperately.

The annoying part was that she didn’t even know if she had a future to explore it. No one would talk about what would happen beyond the fight. It was why taking on Torrin herself was the only control she could takeand hold onto.

T’Rama looked mildly annoyed, "Three of our clan's males have volunteered their skills. They are well seasoned, highly trained soldiers who welcome the challenge." she informed La'an.

"I understand and appreciate what you’re saying, but Torrin started this, and I intend to finish it," La’an said, firmly standing her ground. T’Rama looked at her for a long moment before she gave a curt incline of her head.

"I will have to confer with the High Priestess overseeing the ritual. I make no promises, but if there is precedence, then you may have your wish." T’Rama told La’an; she walked to Amanda’s side, and she murmured, "Talk some sense into her."

Amanda wore a neutral expression before she gave a curt nod. T’Rama took her leave as she headed deeper into the house. 

"I'm not changing my mind," La’an told Amanda.

"Come, I'll make us some tea and food," Amanda said. She motioned for her to follow her down another hallway in the opposite direction that T'Rama left. 

“You have a lovely home,” La’an remarked. They turned left, and the hallway opened into a beautifully laid-out kitchen. There was an informal dining table just a few feet from the kitchen. Off to the right side of the kitchen, La’an saw a doorway that opened to a much larger formal dining room.

“Thank you, we’ve had this home for many years,” Amanda said. She moved into the kitchen and started to potter around.

“Can I help with anything?” La’an asked. Amanda gave her a warm, closed-lip smile.

“No, I’m fine; you should sit down and save your energy,” Amanda told her. La’an reluctantly took a seat at the table in front of the kitchen area.

“So, Spock grew up here?” La’an asked, attempting small talk so she wasn’t put in a position where she had to lie. 

“Yes, would you like to see some photos?” Amanda asked.

“I’d love that,” La’an said a little too eagerly. She should decline in respect of Spock’s privacy, but curiosity got the better of her.Amanda smiled as she brought over a tray with a plate of what looked like some Vulcan snacks along with berries and cut pieces of a larger fruit. Besides it was a pot of tea with three cups.

"First we’ll eat, as you need your strength." Amanda nudged the platter of food closer to her. 

“Thank you for this, for taking me in,” La’an told her.

“You’ll soon be my daughter-in-law,” Amanda said cheekily.

“Spock and I – we haven’t talked about marriage,” La’an said, flustered by the notion.

“It’s in the name of the ritual, Marriage or Challenge,” Amanda pointed out.

“Yes, but I’m refusing Torrin’s proposal,” La’an argued.

"I see Spock oversimplified the situation, Eat." Amanda told her as she gestured to the fruit. La’an picked up one of the fruit forks and ate one of the berries. It surprisingly tasted like strawberry even though it looked like the earth equivalent of a cloudberry.

“Mmm, that is good,” La’an said. She ate another berry and remembered what Amanda said, “What do you mean by an oversimplification?” 

“I think I've said too much."

“Please just tell me," La'an begged.

“The High Council has set conditions on the fight–” Amanda started, but La'an could feel she was about to be given the run around.

“I know there will be consequences," La'an said cutting her off.

“The ones that look like grapes taste like blackberries. You should eat some of everything; the heat on Vulcan is unforgiving, but this food is heavily enriched with vitamins and nutrients to replenish what you’ve lost over the last few days,” Amanda told her.

“Mrs Grayson”, La’an implored.

“You will have to marry; the High Command does not want a repeat of these events. The way to ensure it is for you to marry whoever is the victor. If you are allowed to fight, and when you win, you will have won my son’s hand in marriage," Amanda explained. 

La'an's jaw dropped in shock before she said, “You’re joking,”

“No," Amanda told her.

“Spock didn’t mention this at all," La'an muttered. 

“Normally, the victor and their mate decide on their future upon the conclusion of the fight. It is normally a 3-day window whether to marry or part ways. My son must have assumed he would be given the same kind of latitude. However, Ambassador Syvar and his wife controlled the narrative here on Vulcan. Now that the High Council is involved, it’s a–”

“Mess, but what if Spock refuses me? I don’t want to trap him into marriage,” La’an said, panic rearing its ugly face as this was not the plan. She and Spock hadn’t talked about marriage, and she couldn’t take it if he became resentful or indifferent to her. Amanda reached across the table and rested it on La’an’s in a comforting gesture.

Amanda gave her a soft smiled before she assured her, "If he wasn’t willing to take this next step with you at some stage in the future. Then he would not have bonded with you.”

La'an looked at her for a long moment as thoughts swirled around her head. Amanda didn't know the truth. If she did, La'an wondered how different this conversation would be.

“I wish I could talk to Spock,” La’an said softly; she knew if she could hear his voice and know his thoughts, it would make the situation easier to bear. Her heart ached; a lump formed in her throat as she wanted to cry again.

“I wish you could too, but you’re not allowed to speak with him until after the fight,” Amanda said.

“These rituals and rules are stupid,” La’an grumbled. She shoved one of the snacks in her mouth and barely tasted it before she swallowed it. She had hoped it would dissipate the lump in her throat, but it didn’t.

“On that, we can agree on, but listen to me, La’an,” Amanda told her. La’an looked at her. “You have to push all of that aside, as you have to focus on you and winning the fight that’s to come.”

"I thought you were supposed to talk some sense into me about not fighting Torrin," La’an said glumly. She started to feel a little better thanks to the food. Amanda patted her hand in a motherly manner before she slipped her hand back into her lap and straightened up in her chair.

"No, I'm not going to do that, as I'm sure you are very aware of how strong and dangerous Torrin is," Amanda said.

"I am," La’an replied. 

"Then, I am going to play my part of being the dutiful daughter-in-law to T'Rama. If you are allowed to fight. I'm not going to encourage you to fight, let alone fight dirty. However, you should be aware of some tricks that work with hairpins. I do not encourage you to use them; do you understand?" Amanda said carefully. The inference was clear that Amanda was bound by Vulcan convention to publicly not support her but she wanted La'an to take her advice and use it to win.

"It's best for me to know, so I can avoid using them," La'an agreed dutifully.

"Exactly," A sly smile spread across Amanda’s lips. "Now, you will be allowed some latitude because you're not Vulcan. I believe they'll forgive one—maybe two illegal moves, and if you’re fast, they can be fatal.” Amanda sat up a little straighter. “Now, once I show you those illegal moves that you won’t use. We’ll look at baby photos,” Amanda said cheerfully.

Spock slowly came to; he felt warm and peacefully sluggish, like waking after a great sleep. He found himself inside a cellular regeneration chamber. He immediately recognised the architecture of the room as Vulcan. It didn’t take much to deduce he was on Vulcan and very much alive.

Memories sifted through his mind as he remembered the attack, the feeling of helplessness as he bled out. He touched his abdomen and winced in pain. The wound was eternally healed, but he was still incredibly sore from the internal damage and the blood loss. His head swam; nausea and exhaustion mixed with a headiness that only came from heavy narcotics wearing off.

He closed his eyes again, La'an's presence in his heart like a warm, comforting blanket of security and, dare he acknowledge it, love. He was instantly relieved to feel the bond with her was still intact. For some reason it felt stronger, more solidified than before. He couldn’t read her mind, but he could feel her emotions with a renewed clarity that was intriguing and confusing at the same time.

Before he could try to figure out what had changed, a shadow fell across his face. When he opened his eyes once more, he saw his father through the tiny window.

The hatch opened, and Spock saw Chris standing to the side of the room. He looked distraught but also relieved, the conflicting emotions on his face. Spock looked back at his father; to the untrained eye, he looked mildly displeased. But Spock knew better; his father was livid.

“Father,” Spock greeted.

“Son, the doctors have informed me that you require an additional 3 hours in the cellular regeneration chamber to fully recover, but there is no time for it. You must dress, as Torrin has asserted his right to Kal-if fee, and the ceremony will begin in under 30 minutes,” Sarek informed him coldly.

“I understand,” Spock said. He winced as he pushed himself to sit up. Stars and specks sprinkled across his vision. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as he waited for it to pass.

“I highly doubt that. However, as I’ve stated before, there is not enough time, as the situation with Torrin must be resolved quickly. Do not think the ritual will exempt you from the consequences of your actions at a later time.” Sarek placed neatly folded Vulcan robes on the bed besides Spock. “Captain Pike will assist you in getting dressed, as I have to discharge you into my care,” Sarek said. He left the room without waiting for a response from anyone.

“Captain,” Spock said in a firm greeting, but he felt trepidation as Chris stopped before him and looked him over.

“Spock, how are you?” Chris asked in concern.

"I will be able to participate in the ritual," Spock assured him. Thankfully, he was already in the pants that matched the outfit, though he tried not to think of how that happened. He wasn’t entirely sure how he’d get his shoes on, but he’d do it.

"No, you're not; Sarek says your clan had lined up some options for La'an to choose from," Chris told him as he gently pushed Spock to sit down on the bed. Not that it took much effort on Chris’ part. But it did push home how weak Spock felt.

"No, I have to fight. "I promised I would," Spock persisted. He felt guilty for putting the burden of his decision on others. He’d promised La’an he’d fight for her. He just needed some time to gather his strength.

"Spock, we nearly lost you today. If we hadn't been so close to Vulcan—" Chris’ eyes glistened as he fought to control his emotions. He cleared his throat and shook his head. “No, you’re in no condition to fight, and everything has been decided. La’an will have to choose someone else, and you better hope they beat Torrin," Chris told him.

"I can fight," Spock told him. He stood tall and confident; before he could further add to his argument, Chris poked him in the belly button. Spock winced and immediately crumpled back onto the bed as pain radiated through him.

 "As I said before, you're in no condition to fight," Chris told him.

"If it is demanded of me, I will do it. I promised I would," Spock argued.

"Torrin will kill you, and if you die, then La’an is his. Do you really want to take that chance for the sake of your pride?" Chris asked honestly. Spock shook his head, as Chris was right. La’an’s safety was far more important than his pride and worth breaking a promise.

“Lt Noonien-Singh,” Spock swallowed nervously, “La’an, is she—?”

“Alive, her injuries were minor compared to yours. She is with your mother and grandmother getting ready," Chris told him. 

Spock exhaled a sigh of relief; his emotions were far too close to the surface as exhaustion and the whole situation dragged on him. He could feel La’an’s presence and her emotions, but hearing she was ok confirmed it wasn’t just his imagination manifesting a deep-seated wish.

“Spock, are you sure you’re ok? You’re breathing very hard,” Chris said, worried.

“I will be; I just need a moment,” Spock assured him.

“Let’s get these robes on, as I promised Sarek I’d get you dressed,” Chris said.

“I can do it myself,” Spock assured him.

“Just let me help you,” Chris softly implored. 

“Thank you,” Spock said. He accepted Chris’ assistance as much as it galled him. He hated feeling so weak as he let Chris help him into the first layers of his Vulcan garb.

“I’m sure you’ve deduced the situation with you, La'an and Torrin has an absolute mess. The Federation has had to make many concessions, and I won’t lie, after today there will be long-term ramifications from your actions,” Chris told him.

“I fully accept them, whatever they may be,” Spock said. He pulled the jacket front a little tighter and adjusted the layers so they sat correctly.

"You won’t have a choice in the matter." Chris muttered, though he didn’t expound on what the consequences were. Spock knew that whatever concessions were made were contingent on the outcome of the fight.

“Captain, I am sorry for disappointing you,” Spock said sincerely.

“I’m not happy about any of this. However, I do forgive you, and we’re going to have a long and uncomfortable discussion about how you will conduct yourself in the future,” Chris told him.

“Yes, sir,” Spock said. He winced but managed to smother his groan of pain when Chris tightened the belt around his waist. Chris then helped Spock into his boots, finishing off a rather mortifying experience for Spock. He felt like a little child being chastised as his father dressed him.

“I was shocked that you had bonded with La’an. I thought mating bonds were supposed to be sacred and not to be entered into lightly," Chris stated. 

“They are,” Spock confirmed, though he knew what Chris was thinking.

“What were you thinking?” Chris asked him in a low voice. 

“I thought you wished to discuss this later,” Spock said, as he didn't want to answer that question yet. If he were honest, the answer to that question was ever-evolving.

“I can’t wait until later. Answer the question as I am trying to wrap my head around it all.” Chris said impatiently as he looked at Spock, waiting for an answer.

“I could not bear to see her in pain, not when I could help share that burden with her—”

“You deeply care for her,” Chris stated. Spock nodded. “She feels the same way; you were the first person she asked about when she woke up. I’d almost think you two are in love with each other,” he mused. 

Spock opened his mouth to refute Chris’ claim and quickly closed it. The truth was, he did love La’an. How it happened in such a short time left him completely flummoxed. He couldn’t explain it; it was illogical, and he was slightly afraid it was a manufactured state from all the intimacy they’d shared, not just physically but also emotionally. 

A soft smile played across Chris’ lips as he looked relieved and proud of Spock. It was rather bemusing to Spock, as he thought Chris would be even more disappointed with him.

“Captain, I—” Spock stopped as Sarek entered the room again. “Father,”

“It seems we have even less time than I was told. “Step aside, Captain Pike.” Sarek pushed Chris to the side and gripped Spock’s collar. “A man of your statuesque coiffure should know how to adjust a collar accordingly.” Sarek commented.

Spock didn’t miss how Chris touched his hair in a self-conscious manner before his eyes slid back to his father’s face. Sarek wore a severe expression as he adjusted the layers of Spock’s robes by millimeters—if that.

“Father, I believe you have sufficiently adjusted my jacket,” Spock told Sarek. He wasn’t sure why his father was fussing over him. He’d never done so before. He knew he didn’t like it.

“You must look your best for what is to come,” Sarek told him.

Half an hour later,

La'an adjusted the high collar on her gown, which was heavily reminiscent of Ancient Earth's Vietnamese Áo dài in its design. She wore a light purple floor-length tunic with long sleeves over wide-leg pants. It had slits up the sides of the tunic to just below her waist. Though you would never tell, as the tunic and gown were made of the same colour and lightweight, almost silk-like fabric. It hugged her upper body and flared at the waist in an aesthetically pleasing manner with silver embroidery to the neck and shoulders.

La'an's guilt deepened as she smoothed the soft fabric, which was as functional as it was stunning. There was no doubt in La'an's mind that it would not survive the impending fight without some damage. She had wanted to wear her uniform or something more practical. Her current outfit was a compromise between being functional while remaining respectful of tradition.

"I don't like this," Amanda stated, not for the first time. She was not referring to the dress. Although there had been more lengthy discussions about La'an's couture and coiffure, as it had to respect Vulcan culture but still remain functional for a fight.

"La'an can choose her champion; there is nothing in our laws that explicitly says she can't choose herself," T'Rama argued.

They were all waiting in an antechamber at the temple for the ceremonial gong to sound. La'an had been lectured on everything she needed to know and what not to do. Both women helped her in their own way while not openly making it seem so, as they were now being monitored by Administrator Dzshossen, who’d shown up when they arrived at the Temple.

"These hairpins are not to be used as weapons," Amanda reminded her in a low voice as she did the final touches to La'an's hair. 

The double talk happening in the room was starting to give La’an a headache. She knew it was necessary for Amanda to save face. But she’d much rather go back to the house and look through Amanda’s secret stash of Baby Spock photos and mementoes. 

La’an smothered a smile as she remembered how pudgy Spock’s little baby face was. She couldn’t wait to mock him mercilessly for being so adorable and watch him squirm in embarrassment. Or perhaps he’d be smug and own it; she wanted to find out. She wanted to put all the stress behind them and move forward. How that would work with them forced into marriage, she didn’t know. 

She shook off the thoughts and worries, as it would be a waste of time if she lost the fight. She didn’t need the distractions. It was enough of a distraction that Spock would be so close to her, and yet they couldn’t speak to one another until the fight was over.

"I can kill him with the weapons they supply, but not what is on my person," La'an stated. Amanda smiled softly at her in the reflection and gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze.

“The Federation have generously given you blanket immunity. You can kill him without it being charged as a crime," T'Rama said, sitting in a chair nearby, watching where she had been drinking tea and educating La'an on what was to come while peppering in little tips of her own.

“There were many concessions the Federation had to make that were contingent on your survival or death, even before they allowed the lunacy of a human female fighting her mate,” Dzshossen said from the corner of the room. He was the full embodiment of a rotten potato, as his personality was odious and completely unwanted.

"Torrin is not my mate; Spock is," La'an told him firmly. Dzshossen looked ready to argue that point but was stopped when a gong sounded in the distance.

"It is time," T'Rama announced as they knew it was the signal for them to move to the main hall to proceed to ceremonial grounds. Administrator Dzshossen rose from his chair and exited the room before the women even moved.

La'an rose from her chair and headed to the door but was stopped as Amanda gently grasped her by the shoulder. She turned to face the older woman as Amanda placed both of her hands on La'an's arms.

"La’an, you will win this fight. I know this because my son only falls for strong, intelligent and very capable women. So, all you have to do is fight well, but more importantly, fight dirty,” Amanda told her. She said the last part in a low voice.

“Not too dirty; the Talek-sen-deen clan has a reputation to uphold,” T’Rama said from the hallway. She shot Amanda a disapproving look before she looked at La’an. “Though I would not be averse to you castrating Torrin before his well-deserved death.”

Spock stood with his father and Chris; a handful of the Talek-sen-deen clan members stood in observance of what was to come. They all stood on the east side of the ceremonial fighting grounds. It was a large ring of uncultivated sandy spoil, surrounded by large sandstone monoliths. 

In the centre stood a platform with the large gong, and next to it was Vulcan weaponry of a bygone era, yet still used in their ceremonies, such as the one to be performed today.

"So, when will the others join us?" Chris murmured in a low voice.

"Soon, the gong we heard a few minutes ago is the warning that Ambassador Syvar and his clan are approaching from the west. Then Lt Noonien-Singh and her party will arrive through the north entrance. The ceremony will last until Torrin or the chosen champion is dead," Sarek explained in a low voice.

"And we're to remain silent and just watch the entire time?" Chris asked him.

"You are," Sarek said pointedly. It was clear that Chris was not welcome just by the looks the other Vulcans were giving them. 

Chris wore an amused expression as he reached up and pulled on the collar of his tunic. He had donned Vulcan garb for the occasion. It didn’t escape Spock's notice that Chris was sweating even with the lightweight and breathable material of the robes he had on. 

It wasn't completely surprising given it was the dead middle of Vulcan Summer. Even by Vulcan standards, today was an incredibly hot day. Even Spock felt sweat form across his brow and on his back as the afternoon sun pounded on them. He'd grown too accustomed to being on the ship where the atmospheric systems were set to a standard temperature of twenty-two degrees Celsius with forty percent humidity. He hoped La’an was enduring the heat better than him.

“Spock?” Chris questioned in a low voice. 

Spock hadn't even noticed that he was wavering on his feet until Chris' hand gripped his elbow to steady him. He felt as if he'd gone weeks without rest or sufficient nourishment. Add in the heat, and he felt weak. Possibly too weak to be standing there. However there was no way he'd leave La'an to endure this alone. 

“I am well,” Spock assured him. He took a fortifying breath and straightened his back and looked forward. He had to find the strength and rally for La’an. Spock closed his eyes and took slow, steady breaths in a quick meditation. After his third breath, his mind was calm. He felt a slight measure more in control than before.

When he opened his eyes, he looked at the west entrance to witness Torrin, Ambassador Syvar and his clan members walk in, followed by a temple acolyte who rang the bells. The tinkling of many tiny bells rang out their arrival as they formed a line on the outside of the fighting ground opposite them.

Torrin broke away from his clan. He approached to the platform, grabbed the gong mallet on the side and struck the gong with it. The sound reverberated through the air. He stood by the gong, hands fisted at his sides. Torrin was so deep in plak tow it was a miracle he still had the sense to follow tradition. He was sweating profusely and had scratch marks on his neck where the V'tosh ka'tur binding device was strapped. He’d clearly tried to pull it off and thankfully failed.

Even before the sounds of the bells reached him, Spock sensed La'an's approach. He knew she felt confident and strong and when he caught a glimpse of her— it took his breath away.

With her head held high, she entered, looking breathtakingly gorgeous in traditional Vulcan mating colours. He fought to stay still, as he wanted to close the space between them and declare himself truthfully to her. He wanted her, now and forever, even if he didn’t deserve her. His hands were fisted by his sides as he controlled his desire. She wasn’t his to behold, and as he painfully reminded himself that they agreed, the arrangement between them was temporary.

The opioids he’d had to take to keep himself upright were numbing his emotions and muddying his thoughts. He could only sense the strongest of emotions, while the rest was a chaotic buzzing. All he knew for certain was that he yearned to see her. He was desperate to close the distance between them. He felt if she was in his arms, then he could make sense of them beyond his own desires.

Spock knew being privy to another person’s emotional state was helpful, but just like thoughts, only context could make sense of it. He knew she was nervous, concerned, yearning like him, but then he’d get a wild streak of amusement and joy, the soft hum of love. He was so certain it was love, but was that love for him or for something else? He would never presume that she loved him, but he could hope.

Once one of the males from his clan won the fight, then he’d await her decision. If she wanted t sever the bond between them, then he would do so. Though none of that mattered until after the fight.

La'an strode in at his grandmother's side with his mother a step behind them. La’an’s eyes connected with his; even though she wore a fierce expression, he felt her relief and joy. He wondered if she felt his own. 

The procession formed around the edge of the ceremonial fighting ring until the High Priestess of the Temple was carried in on a palanquin throne and placed on the ground.

The High Priestess looked over them all; Spock could see her eyes narrow as they landed on Chris. But she said nothing about his presence as she looked at Torrin. She gave a slight nod, acknowledging his presence.

“What thou art about to see comes down from the time of beginning, without change. This is the Vulcan heart; this is the Vulcan soul. To thy eyes this may seem as dark as our night without the moon. This is our way, Kal-if-farr!” The High Priestess declared to those in attendance.

Many tiny bells jingled at the pronouncement; the rhythmic sound took over any other noise in the area. The tempo built up as Torrin lifted the mallet, but La'an stepped into the ring and held up her hand.

“KAL-IF-FEE!” La’an shouted over the noise. The bells stopped ringing as Torrin slowly lowered the mallet; his eyes glittered with excitement mixed with arousal.

"The outworlder chooses to challenge," the High Priestess announced, and she looked to La'an. "Who has thee chosen as thy champion?" she asked her.

“I choose myself,” La'an declared to the High Priestess.

Shock rippled through those who surrounded the ring. Spock looked at Sarek and was surprised that even his father was shocked. It looked the only people who weren’t shocked were his mother and grandmother. T'Rama looked supportive of this act of defiance while his mother remained neutral. However, Spock knew differently.

“She cannot do this!” A woman Spock assumed was Torrin’s mother objected. Spock looked at the High Priestess, who seemed to contemplate the matter.

“Not so; there is historical precedent. We will allow it, and remind Torrin that he is well within his rights to refuse the challenge. However, in doing so, he is forfeiting his claim.” The High Priestess declared before her eyes slid to Torrin, and she waited for his response.

“I accept.” Torrin bit out, much to his family's clear objection, but then he was not of sound mind. His family knew better than to argue with the High Priestess. She looked at La'an; her expression was severe to convey the importance of her next words.

"Outworlder, if thou dies, then thy body becomes Torrin's property to do with as he pleases. Art thou absolutely certain of thy choice?” The High Priestess asked La'an.

“I am,” La'an replied firmly.

“Then it is decided. Challenge was given and lawfully accepted," the High Priestess declared. Bells jingled as La'an stepped into the ring and Torrin stepped down from the platform.

"Here begins the act of combat. As it was at the time of the beginning, so it is now. Bring forth the Lirpa," the High Priestess ordered.

Spock watched as two guards handed La'an and Torrin their Lirpas. His heart pounded with anxiety and fear; he vainly tried to calm his mind and parasympathetic system. He knew La'an was a skilled fighter. A person did not get to her position and rank by being weak. He couldn't let his emotional turmoil weaken her even if he hated seeing her get hurt, especially because of his failure to keep her safe.

Torrin swung his Lirpa around with a lazy yet deadly confidence. In contrast, La'an calmly and patiently stood opposite him with the Lirpa at her side. She looked as if she was waiting for a turbolift not a fight to the death. Although, through the bond he knew she was deeply enraged and primed to fight.

"If both survive the Lirpa, then combat will continue with the ahn'woon. Begin!" The High Priestess ordered.

Chapter Text

The fight had been in full swing for over ten punishing minutes. Spock felt sick to his stomach, and his heart felt like it was in his throat. A feat that was physically impossible, yet it was the current sensation he was experiencing. His anxiety over La’an’s welfare was not a lack of faith in her skills. She was one of the most proficient fighters he knew. However, it looked like Torrin and La’an were almost evenly matched in strength.  

Torrin might have had his psionic abilities suppressed. However, Torrin had some advantages over her, he had the benefit of being genetically predisposed to exist in Vulcan’s arid environment. Add in the plaktow, he was more like a feral animal than Vulcan as he fought with a vicious and relentless energy. Those two things meant his endurance would eventually outstrip La’an’s. 

Spock's hands fisted at his side; self-recrimination got the better of him as he was entirely helpless. If only he’d been more on guard. He should’ve anticipated Torrin escaping Ambassador Syvar’s hold and that he’d attack them. If he had, then he would be in the ring right now instead of her. 

As he watched, he felt every near miss, every sharp, tiny slice and nick of Torrin’s blade on La’an’s skin. He wished he could help her. Not that she needed it. La’an was fighting exceptionally well.

He’d seen La’an fight before, but it was nothing like this. She was incredibly fierce; there was an effortless grace and strength that left him in awe. He had not expected her to know how to wield a Lirpa. It was not a weapon they kept in the armoury on the Enterprise. Yet, she wielded the Lirpa as if she had been trained to use one since birth.

Unlike Torrin, who fought with an impatient rage. La’an appeared calm and measured, it was almost like watching a dance. He wasn’t sure what her strategy was, but Torrin was not running out of energy any time soon. Spock knew Torrin was running on pure instinct, and that was to tire La’an out and then go in for the kill.

Torrin tripped La’an up, and she fell onto the ground, hard. Spock reflexively took a step forward but was stopped as Sarek grabbed his arm.

“Remember your place,” Sarek murmured.

La’an rolled away from Torrin just as he struck down with the Lirpa. The blade end of the Lirpa struck dirt, leaving a deep dent in the ground a few inches from where her head had been. She jumped back onto her feet before he could swing again.

It felt like they had been fighting for a good 30 minutes, but she knew her perception of time was being warped by the heat and the exhaustion that was starting to drag on her.

Torrin seemed unstoppable; sweat and blood poured off him at a higher rate than her. Yet, he fought hard; even harder than when he'd come after her in her quarters.

Her original plan had been to fight in accordance with the rules. However, she was quickly coming to the conclusion that Amanda was right. She couldn't win with a Lirpa. Torrin’s height and weight worked in his favour. She contemplated the Ahn-woon; she might have had a chance. A slim one. It only left one option: to fight dirty.

"Give in," Torrin seethed as the rod of his Lirpa locked with hers. 

La'an gritted her teeth as she pushed back against his attempt to force her to the ground. Anger surged through her as she wondered why she was even playing by the rules. What was the point of surviving the Gorn Nursery planet, the Klingon war, and all those other near-death experiences to come so close to maybe finding love and happiness just to be killed by some slick, entitled asshole like Torrin.

"Go fuck yourself," she bit out sharply. She abruptly lowered her body weight, lifted her Lirpa above her head, and let it drop. Torrin stumbled and fell forward as he lost his balance.

As he fell, she quickly pulled out one of her thin hairpins and stabbed it straight into his heart. She pulled it out and stepped away from his body as he fell into the dirt in a heavy heap. La’an surreptitiously slid the hairpin into her sleeve and took advantage of his stumble.

La’an wasn't leaving anything to chance as she jumped onto Torrin’s back and wrapped her body around his in a somewhat sloppy attempt at a gullotine choke hold. 

He grunted as he scratched and pulled at her limbs to try and get some kind of leverage as she choked him. It was difficult as their bodies were slick with sweat and their blood. Somehow, he managed to pull her arm just enough for her grip to slip. That momentary loss was enough as he pulled her forward in his own attempt at a traditional Vulcan throw. 

But in doing so, he unintentionally helped her into the perfect position. She managed to slide one of her legs over his shoulder, and the other wrapped around his torso. She dropped her centre of gravity and pulled on the back of his head. His head and arms were trapped between their bodies, and he had no way to get leverage. 

She cried out in a mix of frustration and pain as the asshole bit into her. She didn’t let go as she poured all of her strength into pulling as hard as she could. They fell onto the ground. She kept pulling on him; she gripped his skin and hair for leverage. She was not letting go until he was dead.

"Kroykah!" The High Priestess called out.

La’an growled as she was so close. Rage and adrenaline flooded her system; it gave her that final boost of extra strength she needed as she felt the satisfying sound of bones starting to crack and crumble. This was it, she just needed to pull one more inch, and it would be over.

"Kroykah!" The High Priestess shouted more fiercely than earlier. La'an had no idea what she meant until Chris’ voice cut through La’an razor-sharp focus to break Torrin’s neck.

"Lieutenant, Stop! That’s an order!” Chris shouted.

La'an momentarily froze, torn between her need to survive and obeying. Before she could make a choice, two sets of strong hands grabbed her by the shoulders and arms. She looked up to see temple guards; their grip was punishing and grew stronger for every moment she didn’t let go.

"Release him, now," one of them ordered in a deadly tone. La'an angrily groaned as she reluctantly released her hold on Torrin. The guards dragged her from his body. Another guard stooped down in front of Torrin and checked his condition.

The guard who pulled her off Torrin released her and moved to stand to her right. He gripped his blade as he eyed her, daring her to make a move. La'an quickly rose to her feet, breathless as she pressed a hand to where Torrin had bitten her. He hadn’t broken through the fabric or skin, but it still hurt like hell. The urge to race over to Torrin’s body and kick him was immense, but instead, she turned to the person who called a stop to the fight.

"I don’t understand. Why are we stopping? I thought this was a fight to the death. I nearly had him!" La'an exclaimed angrily as she walked over to the High Priestess and stood before her. She surreptitiously tucked her hairpin back into her updo and adjusted the other pin for show.

"It is a fight to the death with a Lirpa, once thee both lost possession of thy Lirpa. Thou were supposed to move onto the ahn-woon," The High Priestess reminded her.

“Does it really matter?” La’an asked incredulously. She tried to catch her breath, she wondered if it was her imagination or if the air was getting thinner. La’an looked to her right to where Spock, Chris and Sarek stood. Chris looked livid as he whispered heatedly with Sarek.

Her eyes locked with Spock even with the distance between them, he felt close. She knew Spock felt far from calm but in that moment, he soothed her. Their emotions intermingled and smoothed out into a calm manner. Her heart that had been pounding in her chest started to slow to a steady beat. Her breathing evened out and deepened.

“Forgive her, High Priestess, the Outworlder has had less than three hours to learn all of our ways. It is only natural for her to fall victim to her baser human instincts and break the rules in a fight for her survival,” T’Rama explained in a soft and demure manner.

La’an broke eye contact with Spock and turned to see T’Rama’s admonishing look, but La’an knew better. She was being admonished for being caught fighting dirty, not for looking at Spock. Amanda winked at La’an before she continued to look reserved and unaffected by the derogatory commentary.

“Indeed,” The High Priestess agreed with T’Rama before she looked at La’an, “Thou is forgiven for thinking otherwise in the heat of combat, given thou were not raised in our ways. But thee will be forced to follow our ways from henceforth,” she informed La’an in a firm and dark manner as she wanted it clear who was in charge.

"High Priestess, he cannot move his limbs or stand," The guard at Torrin’s side announced. La’an turned and looked at Torrin, who lay in the dirt, heaving for air. She frowned as she didn’t remember actually breaking his spine, but her memory was hazy even though it was moments ago.

"Finish him," the High Priestess told La’an, she made a hand gesture and La’an was handed an Ahn-woon by a temple acolyte.

La’an looked at the weapon in her hands for a long moment. Her rage had faded, and with it her conviction to kill. It was one thing to kill someone in the heat of battle and quite another to kill a man when he was already down.

She knew it would be so easy to cave in Torrin’s skull and call it a day. However, what stopped her was that it was merciful to make it quick. Torrin didn’t deserve mercy, and quite honestly, she wanted him to suffer the way she had. His dying from insanity, completely helpless and unable to move, felt like justice to her.

"Why has thee not moved?” The High Priestess questioned La’an.

"The fight is over,” La’an told her.

“It is a fight to the death,” The High Priestess reminded her.

“He’s dying, there is no rule that says I have to kill him quickly,” La’an argued. She walked over to the armoury by the pedestal with the gong to return the weapon. 

“High Priestess, she cannot do this!” Syvar argued.

“The outworlder is correct, there is no explicit rule saying the fight to the death must be swift,” The High Priestess said. She sounded vaguely impressed by La’an’s impudence.

La’an was about to place the weapon in itsholder when she felt Spock’s panic. A cacophony of people shouting followed, and when she turned to see what was going on, something, or rather someone, crashed into her.  As they collapsed to the ground in a heap, every fibre of her being sang in immediate recognition and relief as it was Spock.

A second later, a Lirpa flew past them and hit the rack of weapons. Spock protectively covered her with his body as the weapons clattered to the ground in a mess barely a foot from them.

Torrin growled in frustration. La’an whipped her head in his direction to see him standing on his feet. He seethed at the sight of them as people shouted. It was all incomprehensible noise to her ears as Torrin stalked towards her and Spock.

Then many things happened all at once: the High Priestess’ guards unsheathed their swords and rushed at Torrin. La’an quickly rolled Spock onto his back. She straddled him as she grabbed the closest weapon, which happened to be an ahn-woon. 

Just as she began to swing it over her head to defend herself and Spock. The guards surprisingly attacked Torrin.  In two swift, graceful swings of their swords, everything and everyone stopped. The guards flicked the blood off their swords and sheathed them before standing at ease. 

Silence descended on the arena as they all watched on in varying degrees of horror. Torrin froze and looked morbidly confused. He took a step forward, his body slowly disassembling itself before them. His head slipped off first, and by the time his head hit the ground, his body followed. 

No one moved. La’an couldn’t take her eyes off Torrin’s corpse or the copious amount of green blood that pooled around it. It wasn’t until Spock’s left hand smoothed up her thigh that she tore her eyes from the gore and looked down at him.

“La’an,” Spock said softly, his hand gently squeezed her thigh. La’an blinked a couple of times as her brain slowly recovered, but the rest of her was just overwhelmed to the point of numbness. 

"Rise, Outworlder,” the High Priestess called. 

“You need to stand up,” Spock softly prompted. La’an looked down at him and remembered how roughly she’d rolled them. She dropped the ahn-woon to the side and scrambled off of him. Her legs felt like jelly as she haphazardly rose to her feet.

Oblivious to the High Priestess and everyone else, La’an had noticed how Spock winced as he stood up and she asked, "Oh my God, are you ok? Did I hurt you?” She tried to brush the sandy soil off his clothing, but he caught her hands in his.

“I am unharmed,” Spock assured her. La’an swallowed nervously, as she didn’t know what was going to happen now. She did know adrenaline was dumping out of her system. It made her feel woozy and a little sick. “Are you well enough to stand?” he asked her.

“I- what just happened? I don’t understand,” La’an mumbled, completely baffled. Spock gingerly wrapped one arm around her, conscious of her injuries.

“I will explain it later, but you are safe,” Spock told her in a low voice. The word 'safe' felt meaningless to her at that moment as there was still so much unsettled. 

Spock helped her move around the pool of Torrin’s blood on the ground to stand before the High Priestess. He gently released his hold on her and took a step back. La’an wavered on her feet again, but somehow, she managed to remain upright.

“Ambassador Syvar, thy son's remains will be transported to thy mortuary of choice. Thee have our greatest sympathy for the loss of thy son. However, the records of today will reflect thy son's choices and how his final act was one of cowardice and blatant disrespect to our traditions. The Vulcan Council will be in contact with thee soon," The High Priestess told Syvar.

Syvar bowed his head, acceptance written in his features. “I understand," he murmured. He didn't spare La'an or the others a glance as he walked head held high to his family and clan members.

Torrin's remains were transported away with the guards. Two acolytes from the High Priestess' procession quickly buried the fresh blood and smoothed the ground.

Syvar and his clan left in a slow procession; their grief was tangible in the air. Though one would never guess what had just happened, as the ceremonial grounds were back to their original state before the fight within a matter of moments.

“Outworlder, we declare thee victor of Kal-if-fee," the High Priestess announced, so all could hear. She stepped down from her palanquin and looked between them. She motioned, and Spock stepped back to La’an’s side. “By the Authority and Decree of the High Council and of the Federation, thou must be wed with expediency,”

Spock stepped closer to La’an, and she leaned into him for support. She was fast losing energy to stand due to the heat and her injuries. She looked back at Spock, and he didn’t appear surprised. Through the bond, she felt his contentment and his support. It was a wonderful feeling in that moment to know he was fully at her side even with the incredulous confirmation that they'd have to get married.

“High Priestess, I don’t mean to interrupt,” Chris said awkwardly. The High Priestess and Spock’s family all looked at Chris with varying expressions, ranging from incredulity to annoyance. 

“And yet, thou does,” High Priestess remarked coolly as Chris was not welcome to speak. However, he persisted.

“I apologise for any offence,” Chris said sincerely, yet with a tinge of awkwardness.

“Still thou speaks,” High Priestess stated.

“I don’t have the PADD with the federation applications and certifications to officiate my side of this on me right now,” Chris told her in a low voice.

“Why not?” High Priestess demanded. 

Chris blushed with slight embarrassment as he gestured to his outfit. “It would have ruined the lines of my robes. Perhaps, if we reconvene in two hours?” Chris suggested.

As delaying tactics went, it was not the worst one that La’an had seen Chris use. She would’ve normally fought to keep a straight face, however, she had physically hit a wall. Spock had noticed her steady decline in energy, as he was the only thing stopping her from falling to the ground.

“Two hours?” Dzhossen asked, and they all turned to the cretin of a Vulcan as they’d completely forgotten he was there.

“Do you have somewhere to be, Administrator Dzshossen? Because I was led to believe that it is Vulcan custom to wait 72 hours after the ritual fight before the wedding,” Chris mockingly reminded him. 

“You are well aware that the High Council did not wish to inconvenience your ship and crew in delaying this matter,” Dzshossen said in a cutting tone.

“Oh, it’s no inconvenience for us. My crew was overdue for some R&R, and Torrin did quite a bit of damage to our computer systems and engine, which I’ve been informed will take 36 hours to repair. So, we got plenty of time,” Chris assured him in a rather smug manner.

The High Priestess shot them looks of disapproval as she spoke, “Then we shall reconvene at Ambassador Sarek’s residence, where we will perform the final rites of koon-ut-kal-if-fee in three Vulcan standard hours. This is to avoid any further confusion and allow sufficient time for all parties to be properly prepared.” 

“Thank you, High Priestess,” Chris replied sincerely. She didn’t look impressed by his grateful response as she stepped back onto her palanquin. They all watched as she left with her procession to return to the temple. 

“La’an requires immediate medical attention,” Spock informed the others as he wrapped his arms around her tighter than before. 

La’an gave a sluggish nod in agreement as she felt herself slowly lose consciousness as stars and specks sped across her vision. She was grateful for Spock's strength as it felt wonderful to be embraced by him.

“I’ll call the ship—” Chris started to say.

“She cannot leave Vulcan until the rites are complete,” Dzshossen reminded Chris.

“I will request an emergency medical transport to the closest clinic,” Sarek stated to save them all from any further arguments on the matter.

La'an heard Chris's voice. However, before she knew what he was about to say, she lost consciousness completely.

​