Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Over four thousand miles stood between Elisa and all she had ever known. Her childhood bedroom, the door closed and bed made, unlikely to be used until she returned. Her animals, sitting together on the sofa, waiting for her to come through the door. But that door won’t open to her anytime soon. For now, Elisa was firmly set an ocean away, standing before the building she was meant to call home.

And she couldn’t help but be underwhelmed.

The campus building sat squarely in downtown Rome, a good walking distance away from the main tourist spots. A twenty minute walk to the Vatican, thirty minutes in the other direction to reach the trevi fountain. The streets were lined with old renaissance style buildings, each with unique detailing and trim, beautifully arched windows and balconies with plants falling over the edges. Convenience stores and bars seemed to find their place in these buildings, the juxtaposition in time jarring and yet strangely beautiful. Even the more modern style buildings seemed to intermingle with the old, as if the city itself celebrated its own longevity.

And yet surrounded by this beauty, Elisa found the campus building to be completely and wholly unremarkable. The side of the building was plain and barren, simply smooth stucco. The window on the upper floors were rectangular and basic. The only indication that she was in the correct place was the single flag waving above the wooden door.

Elisa couldn’t help but be disappointed. She had been building to this moment, a step through the threshold of her future, or at least that’s how she tried to look at it. And that kind of step, she felt it should look as important as it felt.

Elisa entered the campus building, lugging behind her her suitcase and her carry-on bag, filled to the brim with all her worldly possessions she thought were important. The security guard on duty at the front was young, and seemed disinterested when she spoke to him. He directed her to the elevator, handing her an envelope that he explained would contain her room number and card. All of it felt shockingly simple.

The elevator was just off the side of the interior courtyard. It was simple, and yet she found it to be the sort of beautiful thing that befitted the situation. Tables and chairs sat under the shady areas of the yard, and a small fountain bubbles in the center. There was no grand statue on the inside, simply the water mechanism, though she thought it was pretty all the same. The sound of flowing water seemed to echo across the yard and that filled Elisa with a sort of ease. Just the kind of place she’d love to spend a day and read as book.

Elisa then noticed a window that looked into the courtyard from the East wing. It was large and ornate, the deep red tones of the stained glass shining brilliantly in the sunlight. The window was composed of simple shapes, squares and triangles, forming an interesting geometric pattern. She thought it seemed unusual, though she brushed it off as simply an eclectic design choice.

When Elisa arrived at her room she was surprised to see the door was already open. A girl stood by one of the beds, her suitcase laid out on the floor. She was blonde, her face littered with dark freckles. Her hair, a very loose curl, was tied back into a ponytail. She seemed stressed but upon turning to see Elisa a smile spread across her face.

“Oh hi!” She rose from what she was doing, throwing down a t-shirt she held in her hands. She reached her hand out eagerly, “The name’s Claudia.”

Elisa took her hand and smiled. Inside she hoped Claudia was as nice as she seemed. “I’m Elisa.”

“Here let me help you drag that in.” Claudia stood up to help Elisa bring her bags through the doorway. It was a nice gesture, and Elisa stored it away at the back of her mind.

“Thank you.” She said. Claudia and her threw her suitcase in the ground. Elisa opened her bag, looking down at the mass of clothes that filled it.

Claudia returned back to her bag, picking them up one at a time, folding them, and throwing them down on her bed. “The drawers in the closet are pretty small but they barely give us any hangers. You’ll have to conserve space.” Elisa was thankful for the advice though she thought it redundant. But it was the thought that counted, and she liked Claudia thus far.

“Thanks for the tip.” Elisa smiled in her direction, beginning to pick up one of her shirts. Everything she packed was rolled to save space. A part of her regretted that now, knowing to fold everything would take some time. “Do you maybe…” Elisa felt herself hesitate for a moment, but she knew what she had to do. “Do you wanna go get drinks or something when we’re done with this? It shouldn’t be too long until it starts getting dark.”

“Y’know what? Yeah. Why not?”

So far, everything was going better than expected. Elisa never really expected people to like her. In fact many found her intimidating in a certain type of way, and she couldn’t necessarily deny that she could be. She thought about what she wore, how her dark clothes seemed to put off other people her age, and the way kids used to talk about her whenever she was younger. Something about the way she spoke, the way she carried herself never seemed to resonate with her peers. Thinking of that for too long made her stutter, trying to avoid the subject as she spoke to Claudia.

Claudia wasn’t exactly the type Elisa would normally find herself talking to and enjoying herself with, but conversation grew to flow easily. Claudia was chipper and smiley when not directly annoyed by the state of her belongings, and seemed greatly interested in talking to Elisa. It made everything feel much better, Elisa’s initial awkwardness fading away as the clock spun.

By the time the sun has set the girls had set up all their belongings, discussing all they’d have to buy for the room to make it more convenient over the next few months. They found a sort of rhythm to their conversation, and they continued talking until they were five rounds deep at the local bar a few blocks down.

Elisa liked the aura of Diavolo Drinks. It was quiet and cozy, yet open to the metropolitan streets. From here she was only a ten minute walk to the Vatican, and she found herself thinking about scheduling a tour there one of these coming days.

“You want another drink?” Claudia asked, her words slurring together ever so slightly. Her smile seemed a little more lazy now, but nonetheless it carried the same warmth to it. She had just finished her fourth gin and tonic, the shot glass from their opening run shots still rolled over on its side next to her empty glass.

“Definitely.” Elisa agreed, slurping up the last of her Malibu. “These are dangerous.” She started aloud.

“What?” Claudia seemed confused.

“The Malibus.” Elisa finished the last of the drink, standing up from her chair, ready to ask for another round. Claudia simply nodded in agreement, rolling her head over her hand as she leaned over the table. “No leaving the table.” Elisa ordered, as she began walking over to the entrance of the bar.

The bar itself was little more than the bar itself and the shelves filled with alcohol. Elisa assumed the kitchens had to be behind the bar, yet the actual room felt excruciatingly cramped. Elisa bounced up the counter, a smile plastered across her face, no doubt looking as drunk as she felt.

Elisa ordered another round for the two of them, nodding to herself that this was the last round of the night and then they’d head back home. The bartender was fast, taking only a few minutes to make their drinks before passing them over to Elisa.

Elisa turned around, spinning on her heel, prepared to stride her way back to the table. But it was soon after she saw the door to the exit that she collided with someone shoulder, a flag on red crossing her peripheral before she watched the glasses fall out of her hands. They smashed against the ground, glass spreading across the floor.

“Mi dispiace signorina, è stata colpa mia.” Elisa looked up to see an older man, his face etched with worry, his eyes and lip covered in black face paint. His voice was shaky, undoubtedly taken off guard by the predicament they found themselves in.

“What the fuck?” Elisa whispered to herself, backing away slightly. She noticed the man was wearing a bold red suit, the material clinging to his frame. He was well groomed, the mustache that sat sip his lip trimmed along with the sideburns that ran down the side of his face. She found him strange, and most certainly different than anyone else she had seen in Rome- or even at home in New York.

“I apologize.” The man said in english, Elisa feeling only slightly less uncomfortable knowing he could understand her. “That was my bad. I’ll buy you a new one.” His accent was fairly thick, but he spoke well and clearly.

The man turned to the bartender, speaking to him quickly in Italian before turning back to her. “He’ll have that for you again in a moment.”

The man then walked out of the bar, his steps graceful and calculated, as if he’d walked in and out of this bar often. Elisa stood, watching him turn to walk down the street, losing the striking color of his suit behind the walls of the building.

Elisa stood in place by the bar until the bartender presented her with a new round of drinks. She felt confused, but easily pushed the memory to the back of her mind as she walked back to Claudia. The two raised their glasses to one another, one last drink to one good night. For the first time in a long time, Elisa felt happy. And for perhaps the first time ever, she could undeniably say she felt hopeful.

Chapter Text

Elisa’s mind felt empty, as if whatever contents it had before had spilled out onto the floor. Her memories of the night were muddy, but she knew that she was back in her room. She also knew that she was in pain, her temples throbbing and her body feeling as if it were spinning. Her stomach churned, letting out a small groan before shifting again in her bed. No matter how she laid down she didn’t seem to ever find comfort on the mattress the school provided.

She hadn’t drank so much in quite a while, the weeks leading up to her arrival in Italy spent in perpetual soberness. Something about the approaching deadline of her arrival scared her out of her wits, so much so that even alcohol seems to cause her to break into a panic. Though now, having finally reached and passed her deadline, Elisa craved a drink more than anything, her never-ending promises of “one more round” dismissed by both herself and Claudia.

Part of her missed home. She missed her bed, the couch, the park around the corner or the neighbor’s dog that always stopped to play with her puppy, Leo. She missed the cats, Kit and Stella, and the way they’d form a yin-yang when they cuddled together in the sunbeams. She missed her mother, who always seemed to be there when she needed it. She missed the way she would leave a bagel on her bedside whenever she was sick, or how every few weeks she bought a London broil, specifically because Elisa loved it so much when she was younger.

Her mother was one of the main reasons she was here, sitting in this bed, in this school that she found so stressful. Her mother saw how Elisa had sunken onto herself, how she had begun to slowly lose the pieces of herself over time. Her mother handled everything for the trip, the money, the planning, the scheduling, and the accommodations were all made once Elisa made a final decision. Thinking back on it, Elisa felt embarrassed. She would have been fine had her mother not come to her rescue, but in the end she wouldn’t be here. And to be here, in the middle of Rome, was definitely something she couldn’t do alone.

Elisa felt herself grow more uneasy at the thought of life’s back at home. Too much had happened back home that to think about it sent another hammer into her skull. Thinking in general was becoming increasingly difficult, her thoughts were becoming increasingly scrambled and hard to decipher.

Elisa looked across the room towards the door. Claudia’s bed lay next to it, and in it, Claudia lay splayed out in the outfit they had gone out with. She was fast asleep, snoring softly, her mouth hung open. Jealousy pricked at the back of Elisa’s mind, wanting sleep to come to her just as easily. Though difficulty sleeping had always been a problem Elisa encountered often, and in the state she was in she could only think of a single solution.

Elisa slowly threw off her blanket, slowly lifting herself up to stand. Her feet felt unsteady, but she took the time to balance herself before looking at the door again. She needed to walk, to move her body around until it reached a point of exhaustion. Her joints seemed to ache with every movement, her body attempting to collapse onto itself, which signaled to her that a simple walk around the hallways might be enough to put her to bed for the night.

She grabbed her phone, looking at the time, 12:06 AM. It was much earlier than she anticipated, but that was probably for the best. She needed to be up early in the morning, the first of her classes beginning at nine. She grunted slightly as she made her way to the door, trying to forget about how she’ll have to both retain information and socialize in the morning.

Elisa’s room was close to the end of the hall, only two doors away from the double doors that sat at the end of the hallway. The doors were simple and made of dark wood, much like the ones used for the dormitories. Elisa attempted to open it, pulling on the handles, but the doors were locked from the other side. She rolled her eyes, annoyed at being denied but also for being unable to explore her curiosity.

She knew that the building wasn’t just for students of her university. Other universities made deals to keep their students in this building, and she knew the building appeared far too large for the number of students that were signed up for the program. Perhaps behind those doors was another set of study abroad students from another state, or students from one of the local Italian universities. She was curious, part of her wanting to find a way inside, but another part of her wanted to simply keep walking until she collapsed.

She turned and began to walk down the hallways. For the most part they were exceedingly simple, rows of doors on each side of the hallway. Turning the corner the hallway opened up to a row of arched windows that looked out into the courtyard. The elevator sat at the other end of the hall along with a couple offices who’s doors were closed, and presumably locked.

The courtyard looked basically the same as it had that morning, with the exception of the stained-glass window that sat at the center of the East wing. The windows seemed to glow unnaturally bright red, the light behind the window waving back and forth. Elisa looked out for a while, watching the light shift behind the glass. Her mind buzzed with curiosity, watching as shadows moved across the panes. There were people there, several it seemed.

She tried her best to keep her thinking straight, but her thoughts kept coming up garbled. She tried thinking up ideas as to what was going on in the East wing, but she couldn’t seem to focus long enough to create a good theory. She resigned herself to walk back to her room, looking back at the window once more before leaving.

The walk back to her room felt longer than the walk away, her feet dragging behind her as she made her way down the hallway. Finally coming upon her door Elisa heard the faintest whisper of a noise. Up until now she hadn’t heard or seen anyone in the halls, but the noise seemed to grow ever-so-slightly louder. She looked around, trying to identify where the sound could come from, before turning back to the double doors that sat so close to her room.

She pushed her ear up against the door. She could hear muffled voices all talking at once. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, their voices too dampened by the thick doors to carry across any context. The voices almost sounded as if they were singing, which created more questions than answers for Elisa. The melody seemed calm, almost like a lullaby.

Pulling away from the door Elisa felt the exhaustion hit her body. Her eyelids grew heavy, her body barely able to carry her back to bed before she crashed into the mattress. Sleep came easy now, washing over her before she could even pull her blankets over her.

Chapter Text

Today was the type of day Elisa found the most joy in. The sun was large in the sky, making everything in its path bright. A strong wind blew across Elisa’s face, the cool air a stark juxtaposition to the sun’s heat. The sun seemed to breathe life into the courtyard, as students walked in and out of it, small groups setting up at tables for long and short talks alike.

Elisa was sat at the edge of the fountain, watching the water glisten in the sunlight. She had brought out a book to read while outside, though with the people who came over to speak to her she found herself focusing more on socializing and the niceness of the day than her story. Her classmates seemed to like her, approaching her every now and then to invite her to join in on their plans that night or to walk the city. Elisa didn’t turn down any offers during her first week, jumping up and touring the whole city with anyone who invited her. Though now, after a week's worth of walking done, Elisa’s legs ached at simply the idea of walking.

That first week abroad was spent in exploration, visiting every tourist trap and museum within a 40 minute walk of the campus: of which most things were accessible. The school has set up tour dates at most of the big attractions, Elisa having gone to all of them. She felt she had to make the best of her time, and she had to see everything as soon as possible. She also knew that going to every event and taking up every invitation would help her make some friends, of which she proved successful.

Her classmates seemed to like her and treated her better than classmates have in the past. Elisa tried not to think about the past, but the isolation and disappointment of her youth seemed to haunt her. She thought about the ways she tried so hard to be liked, to fit in with the other kids and never finding a place for herself among their ranks. It’s not that they hated her or insulted her, but they simply ignored her. She was unimportant to everyone and irreplaceable to none, a perpetual state of indifference. But here, she was able to start carving out a spot for herself, however small it may be.

Claudia had become a sort of anchor for Elisa as well. The two were fundamentally different in many ways, Claudia more extroverted and energetic than Elisa ever could be, but the two found comfort in the other's presence. Claudia brought Elisa into conversations with classmates, laying a foundation for Elisa to build her presence on top of.

Elisa finally cracked open her book as one of her classmates left her, a satisfied sigh escaping her lips. She skimmed the pages, trying to read the words, yet failing to absorb any of the content. She attempted to read again, but as she did she grew more upset and frustrated. She closed the book, looking around the courtyard to find no one around whom she had grown acquainted. So much for going to lunch with a group , she thought to herself, tucking her book into the tote bag she had placed on the ground in front of her.

Standing up, her legs were sore, but they were more than well enough to walk a block or two to a takeaway spot. She left campus, throwing the strap of the bag over her shoulder. She turned around the corner, walking towards the back end of the building. She knew of a good pizza place a couple classmates mentioned down that way, and if the walk was fast then she felt she could bare it.

The streets reminded her of home, only the buildings were smaller and more intricate. The streets felt older than they did in New York, the cobblestones of the sidewalk slightly jagged and maladjusted. Cars drove past down the street, each one driving far faster than Elisa would feel safer on such a tight road. Elisa found it funny how she felt relatively comfortable walking the streets around campus inebriated but to cross the street felt daunting, as the cars would stop last minute, as if they routinely tested death.

Elisa looked around, admiring the buildings around her, looking out to the cars in the street to see if any were of any interest. She spotted a truck around the back of the campus building. It was large and black, the back door rolled up to reveal several boxes piled high atop one another. A man stood next to the driver’s side door, talking to someone inside.

The man wore a dark black suit, which fit him snuggly in the legs. He looked annoyed, his voice sounding scattered as he spoke, Elisa of course understanding none of it. It took Elisa a moment before she recognized the man, the clean lines of face paint and the frazzled sounding way about his voice. It was the man from the other day at the bar. She looked at him for a moment before resuming her task at hand, finding that pizzeria and cleaning them out.

Something about that man haunted her as she walked down the block to the pizzeria. He was strange, and she never thought she’d see him again past that night at the bar. Then again, she was unsure how she even managed to remember him after the drinks she had that night. Then again, embarrassing yourself in front of some kind of priest in a bar seemed like more than enough to qualify for her remembering him.

Elisa reached the pizzeria and made good on her promises to clear house. She bought a personal pie and some kind of riceball. She sat down outside the building for a little while to munch on her pizza, watching the few people and cars who passed by. She found it interesting how everyone seemed to walk so much slower here than at home, as if their steps were always for leisure, never truly having a purpose. She ate about half of her meal before folding up the box the pie came in and beginning her walk back home. She figured she could save the rest for tonight, heating it up in the kitchen the way she did at home.

The walk back was fast, though when passing by the back of the building she saw the same large truck parked in the street. Most of the boxes were now out of the truck, presumably brought inside somewhere. She saw the man again, this time accompanied by a smaller woman wearing what looked like a nun’s outfit. The woman picked up a small box, carrying it inside of the campus building, this now piquing Elisa’s interest.

She began to pass by the man, who was now picking up a box from the back of the truck. Something gnawed at the back of Elisa’s brain, guilt filling her as she watched him stack several boxes on top of each other. 

“Um, sir.” She started. “Scusi, I- well…” Her words seemed to proceed her own thought process. She didn’t quite know what she wanted to do, but now she had forced her own hand. 

“Si?” The man turned, three boxes in his hands, balancing precariously on top of each other, swaying as he did. 

“You uh… you bought me a round the other day. At Diavolo. I had-“

“Ah yes, the broken glasses.” He nodded knowingly. “Nice to see you again.” He turned back to his task, seemingly oblivious to Elisa’s intentions.

“If you need help…” She started. She felt awkward and invasive, but at the same time this man had helped her before, and it would only be fair to return the favor. “I can help unload the truck.” Her cheeks burned lightly, a sheepish smile spreading across her face.

“Well… if you wish.” He said with a shrug, taking the boxes and walking towards the door. “I won’t deny added help.” 

Elisa put her pizza down in the truck, replacing it with two heavy boxes. Elisa immediately regretted her offer to help, her legs burning as she strained to move the boxes to the door. The man watched from the door for a moment, before returning to the truck to retrieve another box.

Elisa felt the need to talk, to fill the silence that the man had left. “So uh, what’s all this for?”

“Our church.” He said simply. “We’re updating this location. You can leave the boxes by the door by the way, sister is sorting everything inside.”

“Oh.” It seemed to make sense now. To an extent Elisa had thought she merely imagined the singing and the lights the other night, but knowing there was a church next door made everything make much more sense. The man himself also seemed to make more sense to Elisa. “Are you a priest?” Elisa placed the boxes down on the ground.

“I’m a cardinal.”

“Well Cardinal, it’s nice to meet you.” She smiled at the cardinal, trying to break the tension between the two. The cardinal seemed generally awkward, but kind enough. “I’m Elisa.”

“Please, outsiders don’t have to call me by my title. Copia is just fine.” He dropped his boxes by the door. “Do you live in the area Elisa?” He seemed genuinely interested, stopping and looking at her for her answer. 

“Same building.” She explained, picking up only a single box from the truck this time, her legs thankful. “The other side are dorms.” He nodded at her statement, as if remembering something.

“American I assume?” 

“Yeah, New York actually.” She dropped the box down at the door, looking at at Copia for his response.

“Oh! I love New York.” He spoke excitedly. “I’ve been there several times. We have many followers there.” Copia seemed proud of this fact, his walk back to the truck more animated than before.

Copia explained that this location has become run down over the years, as attendance in the neighborhood slowed. The boxes were filled with new furniture and supplies that would be needed to refurbish the building, and the one in charge of it all was Copia himself.

Between Elisa and Copia the rest of the truck was cleared within twenty minutes. The truck seemed to hold a never ending supply of boxes, and by the end Elisa’s legs were on fire. She tried her best to not let her pain be shown, but eventually Copia caught on to her strained expression and whines of pain whenever she lifted a box. He insisted she sit, ignoring her resistance as he requested Marina bring her something to drink.

“You mustn’t push yourself like that, you’ll hurt yourself. Especially for a stranger.” He scolded her, not sounding mean but that same awkward and worried tone filling his voice again. His face looked harsh, the makeup around his eyes making him look far more intimidating than he would without it. 

“You helped me once, now I help you.” She sat down in the truck, taking her, now-cold, pizza and taking a bite. Not as good as before, but certainly not bad.

“Americans… far too nice.”

“Well that’s not very nice cardinal.” Elisa teased, taking a sip of the water Marina had brought her. Copia rolled his eyes, which Elisa hadn’t looked at till then. His left eye was jarringly white, while his right was a dark shade of brown. She felt her curiosity pique, but knowing how rude it would sound to ask about it she kept her thoughts to herself. She had several questions surrounding the cardinal, though all of them felt too invasive to ask upon first meeting.

“Copia.” He corrected her. He smirked, his smile mischievous and childlike. His eyes seemed to linger on her for a moment before looking back to the street.

“Yes, sorry, that wasn’t very nice Copia.”

“I had never claimed to be.” He shrugged, a small laugh escaping his lips. 

Elisa found Copia intriguing, his humor was unexpectedly dry and his church rousing her interest. “So what’s the deal with your church anyways? Catholic?” Elisa asked, swinging her legs slightly as she took another bite of her pizza. She wanted to know more about this church, the songs from the other night not reminding her of any christian song she had ever heard.

“I would go into it with you Cara, if only I had the time.” He sighed, his tone sounding annoyed. “I have much work to do.”

“Oh.” Elisa stood up the truck, taking her pizza box in hand. “Yes, of course.” She had completely forgotten that the cardinal must not have all the free time she had grown accustomed to over the past few days. 

“Know that you’re welcome here at any time. I’m here at all hours.” He explained, his tone sounded genuine. “Thank you, for the help.”

“My pleasure.” She smiled at him. “Maybe I’ll swing by again some time.” Copia’s eyes seemed to grow larger upon hearing that. The look on his face, she thought, was almost cute in its innocence. 

“That’d be lovely.” He walked back to the door. ”I wait with bated breath for your return Elisa.” 

Elisa laughed, beginning to walk back to the side of the building. Is the cardinal… flirting? She thought to herself. “You flatter me cardinal!” She called out as she turned to walk back to the dorms.

~*~

The registration office was painted the color of cigarette stains, a sickly brownish-yellow that looked nauseating. Elisa tried to imagine what it must take to work here, dealing with the arrogance of a student body who are only now able to purchase alcohol, bouncing between italian and english every other sentence, and in those moments of quiet having to look at the ugliest color Elisa could conceive of. Though that thought was concocted out of pure boredom, Elisa had sat there for the last fifteen minutes waiting for her advisor to finish digging through her files.

Her advisor, Gina Mura, had seemed nice enough as a person. She was young, maybe in her mid-thirties at the latest, and she appeared flustered at every moment of the meeting thus far. Her hair, dark and straight, was pulled into a messy bun, hair falling out of the sides haphazardly. Gina’s glasses seemed to hang off her nose than they did align with her eyes. Looking at her, Elisa thought she seemed rather flustered and unprepared, though her enthusiasm in her work was undeniable.

Elisa had originally planned on taking a nap, but upon returning back to the room she was immediately ushered out by Claudia, who explained that everyone on the north wing needed to go to the registration office today. Having been kicked out of her own room, and wanting to sit more than anything, Elisa made her way to the office where she found her wish granted, at the expense of her patience.

“Ah!” Gina rose from her file cabinet, holding up a small folder. She grinned, her smile wide, the sign of a job well done. She settled down in her chair, scooting closer to the desk before flinging the file open. “I see, Elisa Rodriguez, psychology major, education minor…” She continued to mumble out the rest of Elisa’s information, nothing Elisa didn’t already know about herself.

“There’s not any trouble with my schedule is there?” Elisa asked, growing more tired as she slumped down into her seat. The chair was uncomfortable, but all of Elisa was uncomfortable, and the mild discomfort of her position was nothing compared to the ache in her quads.

“No, no. Nothing like that.” Gina said, looking up from the file. “Though it seems you’re not signed up for the cultural mentorship program.”

“Is that a problem?” Elisa asked, her tone sounding much more harsh than she meant it to. She was growing increasingly annoyed, her desire to be asleep far exceeding her desire to be well liked or even tolerated.

“Well,” Gina started, “it’s not a bad thing per se. But-” Elisa rolled her eyes, awaiting the annoyance to come. “You either need to be signed up for that program or complete the semester assignment, which I think can be more labor intensive.”

“Labor intensive?” Elisa felt her patience snap like a twig under her boot.

“It’s fairly basic really. It’s a paper, but it has to be about your trip and interactions with locals, stuff like that. There’s a whole outline for it online.” Gina explained. “It’s mandatory to complete one or the other. I can fit you into a class if you’d want.”

Elisa sighed, knowing her schedule was already packed more than she had originally wanted. Five classes in a semester already felt stifling, and she couldn’t imagine the stress of adding another useless course on top of it. “No, it’s fine. I’ll just write the paper I guess.”

“Alright.” Gina turned to the computer, typing something Elisa didn’t care enough to look at. Gina then began to give a brief explanation of the assignment. The assignment included having to interview a local of the area, a comparison between American and Italian lifestyles, and the ways in which Elisa gained insight into cultural mindfulness.

The meeting ended soon after that, Gina returning to whatever she was doing prior to Elisa’s visit, and Elisa returning to her bed. As she made her way upstairs she thought to herself that perhaps the cardinal would be a good person to interview for her assignment. He seemed generally agreeable and she’s enjoyed his presence thus far. There was definitely more to him than she could discern in one meeting, and she wanted to know more about him.

For now, though, her focus was on sleep and achieving it as soon as possible. She ran over her responsibilities in her head, but ultimately failed to achieve anything meaningful in that effort. Her mind was clouded and hazy, and upon settling into bed she fell asleep quickly.

Chapter Text

Elisa looked out her window, holding her head in her hands, taking in the last bits of sun the sky had to offer. Streaks of pink and purple cascade across the sky, bits of yellow peeking out from the west. She liked this time of day, where the campus grew quiet, those who wanted to go out had already gone, and those staying in settled down for the night. It felt peaceful, serene almost.

She looked over to the East wing, curiosity still pricking the back of her mind. She now knew it was a church, a strange one at that, and she thought with that knowledge she would be able to stop thinking about it. But no, if anything she was thinking about it more than she ever had.

She thought about the cultural mentorship assignment, and how the cardinal may be a good candidate for her interview. He had been, after all, one of the first locals she had ever met. She thought about his church, and how they had never gotten the opportunity to properly discuss what they believed in. It had been a few days since she last saw the cardinal outside, and she thought about visiting again.

He had insisted on being called Copia, though she felt out of bounds to call him his actual name. She found him strange, though she also found him intriguing in a very particular way. He carried himself with a certain grace, though his speech was a bit clunky and awkward. She remembered how he seemed to always step lightly, moving in an almost choreographed way. 

She sighed, reasoning that she couldn’t have just gone to bed. It was far too early, she had far too little to do, and felt awkward inviting anyone out for drinks without somebody by her side. In an instant she decided to go back to the church. Her interests were piqued and to ignore them now would only drive her mad.

Leaving the campus, Elisa walked around to the other side of the building. She came upon the church entrance again, opening the door to the dark room. She could see candle light down at the back of the pulpit.

“I was not expecting to see you again so soon Cara.” The voice was undeniably the Cardinal’s, his accent distinct. He sounded as if he was way at the back of the pulpit.

“Yes, uh, Cardinal.” She managed to sputter out. “I had wanted to ask about the church, but it um, seems you're preoccupied.” Something about the atmosphere inside the church felt tight. The darkness that enveloped the room seemed to hold Elisa in place. She fidgeted with her hands, bouncing her leg before looking back at the door. “I can go, it’s no worries.”

“Nonsense Elisa.” He sounded closer now, and yet she couldn’t see him. She felt on edge, taken aback by how unsettling an environment can turn in a matter of days. She thought about how stupid this whole idea was, to go and interview some strange man she had only just met. She could have easily gone out and met someone at a club or from one of the italian universities, but no, she chose to come here. And why she felt so compelled to return here, she wasn’t quite sure.

Finally the Cardinal had stepped close enough that Elisa could make out his shape in the dark. “And,” he started, “did I not insist you call me by my name?” She watched as his hand extended out to her, her feet planted firmly in place by the anxiety coursing through her. He reached over her shoulder, flipping the light switch on the wall that stood next to her.

Light flooded the room, causing Elisa to squint her eyes for a moment before they adjusted. Looking at the Cardinal in the light now he was dressed similarly to the first time she had met him. His cassock was bright red. A cross dangled from his chest but it wasn’t an ordinary cross. It was upside down, which she noted as being strange. It was encrusted in jewels, shiny and well cleaned. Elisa thought to herself that it seemed this church had a wealth of money to afford such a thing for a cardinal.

“Now cara, how can I help you?” He asked with a smile. The lines of his face seemed more prominent when he smiled, something Elisa couldn’t help but think suited him. He had done his makeup around his eyes again, creating deep caverns in his face. Somehow she thought, this also looks quite good on him.

With the lights on Elisa felt herself relax. It felt almost silly now, looking at the Cardinal to ever feel any sense of fear towards him or the church. “Well, I had wanted to know more about the church. And to interview you, for an assignment, if you’re willing, of course.” She said quickly, still feeling stupid to come for such a simple reason. 

“How lovely!” The Cardinal smiled again. She did seem to like when he did that. When he smiled her shoulders seemed to relax again, her anxiety slipping away knowing Copia didn’t mind her request.

He waved her on to follow him to the back of the pulpit. “You see I’m just readying the offerings for tonight’s service. It’s normally my responsibility, but someone has to do it.” He said, reaching the table and gesturing his hand over it. On the table an ornate red cloth was laid out. On it sat several candles, laid out in a way that felt intentional though Elisa had no concept of what it could mean. In the center was a small chalice, golden and encrusted with small jewels around the rim, similar to that of the ones on the Cardinal’s cross.

“Offerings?” Elisa asked. “I didn’t think churches did things like that much anymore.”

“Well, perhaps just not the ones you’re used to. Several religions do it, though I will admit we are rather different than most others.” He chuckled to himself, smoothing out the edges of the cloth.

“Different how?” She began to look around. The church didn’t seem all too dissimilar to a classic Catholic Church, the only notable differences being the lack of symbols of Jesus. The pews looked similar, albeit made out of a darker wood than she was accustomed to. The walls were a stark white, with red curtains draped nicely over them. At the center stood the window she had recognized from the courtyard, which was surrounded by candleholders and small boxes that seemed to hold some ritualistic purpose, indicated by the encrusted lids.

“Oh.” The Cardinal stopped. He looked back at you, a small spark of alarm in his eyes. She noticed her eye again, strikingly white, the color bleeding and into the milky whiteness of his eyes. “I never did get a chance to tell you about us, have I?” He looked almost sheepish, shifting his gaze away from her.

“I haven’t even an idea of the name of the church.” She shrugged slightly, unsure of why the Cardinal would seem so nervous surrounding the subject. 

“Why don’t you sit Cara, I believe I may need to explain some things to you.” He gestured down to the first row of pews. Elisa took a seat, marveling at the comfort of the upholstery. “You see, I am hesitant to explain our faith at times, not due to embarrassment, no, but uh, it is rather unusual to those outside of our circles.” He explained, seeming to be a bit confused over how to explain.

“I’m sure I can handle it, Cardinal.” She joked, but the Cardinal didn’t seem to be very in the mood for joking.

He leaned on the offering table slightly, crossing his legs. “You see, I’m sure you’re familiar with Catholicism, yes?” Elisa nodded. “Well, in a sense we are the opposite. The Catholic Church follows God, and Jesus, the Trinity, correct?” Elisa nodded again. “While we, my dear, we are followers of Satan.”

Elisa simply looked forward, unable to quite comprehend what she was hearing. She began to laugh, assuming the Cardinal was simply joking around due to her fear from before.

“Elisa, no this is not a joke.” He said, pulling away from the offering table. He crouched down, meeting Elisa at eye level, his eyes piercing through her. “The church we are in is one of several churches of Emeritus. We, in our faith, dedicate our lives in service to Satan, the dark one, the fallen, whichever you recognize.” He explained fairly casually. Something about his tone made Elisa realize he wasn’t joking, that he was serious. That she was currently talking to the cardinal of a satanic church and she was currently sitting in their pews.

Elisa stood from her seat. “You’re serious?” She asked. She had never been one to judge anyone on the basis of religion, yet something about worshiping the devil seemed to put her on edge. Looking at him more it seemed to make sense. The upside down cross, the unusual makeup, the inconspicuous building. All of it seemed to agree with his story. 

“Oh deadly Cara. I’m a man of deep faith. I do not kid concerning my practices.” He said almost as if he was teasing her. “I understand this could be overwhelming. My guess is you haven’t heard of us at all.” She nodded back to him, still unsure how to take this information. “We are a controversial lot. Hence the space here, you see. Our numbers in our home country are small, the uh, Catholics, do not like us much. We don’t mind them, but they certainly mind us.” His face had grown more serious now, but he still spoke casually as if only talking about the weather.

Elisa nodded. She could understand that.  Though something inside of her still felt incredibly hesitant toward the cardinal. She had enjoyed speaking with him in the short time she had, though could she find herself spending time with a satanist regularly? Let alone interview one for a school assignment. 

“You don’t do human sacrifices or anything do you?” Elisa asked hesitantly. “I’m sorry if that’s offensive” She felt embarrassed asking, like a child cursing and expecting a beating.

“Not unless you’re offering.” The Cardinal winked at her, she backed away slightly. “I kid, I kid. I lied before, I joke all the time.” He waved his hand in jest, Elisa loosening the tight grip she held. “But no, we don’t. Though blood sacrifice,” he raised his palm, revealing a thin scar imprinted in his skin. “Is something we do fairly regularly. But that’s only higher members of course.” 

This was all becoming a lot to internalize. Satanic church, blood sacrifice, charming satanic Cardinal, it all sounded otherworldly. Elisa was expecting some kind of history of the catholic church, or at least something relatively normal. But this, it just felt absurd. “I’m sorry, uh Cardinal-“

“Copia.” He interrupted, pointing his finger at her as if to scold her. She couldn’t tell whether he knew how uncomfortable she was with the idea of it all, or if he was ignorant to the feelings she was having.

“Copia. This is simply a lot to take in.” She said hesitantly. “Least to say I didn’t expect to find a satanic church in the middle of Italy.” She tried to laugh a little, the absurdity of the situation really hit her now. 

Copia chuckled slightly. “You can go if you wish.” He waved his hand towards the door. “I have mass at midnight and I must get ready. I am the only one taking care of the church these days.” He explained quickly. His attention turned to a door to Elisa's left. 

“Oh.” Elisa said, stepping away from Copia’s way. She felt bad, watching as his expression became more solemn, the corners of his mouth tilting downwards, his eyes downcast. She thought about how excited he had seemed to speak to her, and she felt a sense of guilt rise within her. Elisa had never let religion come between her and a potential friendship before, and she felt like a hypocrite to be so apprehensive.

He walked down to the door, opening it to reveal a small closet full of clothing and other ritualistic looking objects all piled atop each other. The Cardinal gathered a handful of objects, balancing them precariously in his arms. Though he looked in control of the situation he still looked as if he could use some kind of assistance. “I can, um- I can help.” Copia turned around to look back at her, still standing in place looking dumbfounded as to what to do. “If you’d like.” She smiled slightly, trying her best to hear him out. 

“That would be…” he looked back at the closet, then to the pile in his arms. “Very good, yes.” He nodded, and his smile returned. She felt good seeing it, and she reasoned to herself that he’s only been kind to her, and to be apprehensive to him would be unfair. She also thought that maybe this would make for a more interesting assignment, and with that thought she began to help Copia set up the pulpit.

*~*

Time passed as Elisa and Copia managed to create an excellent display for the midnight service. Copia explained each item in depth to Elisa, as with her help he managed to have enough time to describe the different ritualistic practices his faith used. One bowl in particular that Elisa found interesting due to the cross emblem inscribed into it, was used in a select ritual for summoning the devil himself.

“We haven’t felt the need to do that specific ritual in some time. Though we like to have it out in remembrance.” He explained, taking the bowl from Elisa’s hands. “Plus, to be quite frank, it’s a very cool looking bowl.”

Elisa let out a small laugh. Spending time with Copia managed to dissipate any remaining anxiety she felt toward being inside the church. Something about the way Copia spoke about the church seemed to put her at ease, hearing of his passion and his devotion to something larger than himself. She couldn’t help but find it charming in its own special way, his enthusiasm almost feeling infectious. She still found the situation strange but she grew more willing to accept Copia’s religion as their conversion continued.

Copia, while obviously much older than her, managed to relate to her in several ways. He was snarky and funny at times, bouncing between serious religious explanations and comical breaks to soothe her nerves. Though she still felt slightly uneasy about his practices, she couldn’t help but like the man who stood in front of her. He made her laugh, and asked her questions about her program and what she wanted to do while abroad. 

The longer she spoke to him the more appealing she found him. He wasn’t much taller than her, only a couple inches, but he seemed to dominate the room. His presence was both commanding and calming, a combination that she found oddly attractive. She began to find the age in his face charming, as if the years it took to create him had signed their signatures into his skin. A reflection of all he had known, a culmination of years of knowledge built into one man. He was well groomed, his mustache trimmed nicely, and his makeup done with precision. She couldn’t help but enjoy the sight of him, he was simply was unlike any other man she had met.

“Now Cara, may we light the candles and see how the altar looks in the dark?” He asked, already up next to the light switch, only asking to make sure she was okay with it.

“Of course.” She began to light the candles one by one. Once she was done, she turned back to Copia with a thumbs up. She then sat back into the front pew she had sat in before as Copia turned off the lights. 

The church glowed with a golden light, the flames dancing lightly in the dark. The light covered until about midway through the room, the entrance still mostly a shadow in the dark. Copia came up along the side of the pews, grinning as he looked out at the altar.

“It is perfect Elisa.” He sounded so happy, and Elisa felt as if she had done such a great thing. Sure, it was merely helping him get the church ready but his expression was worth the time it took. Elisa took out her phone, looking down at the time: 10:53. Plenty of time to spare before his clergy would come spilling through the doors in the night.

“It was my pleasure Cardi- Copia.” She corrected herself, rising up from her seat.

They stood in front of each other now, her looking up at Copia as he stared down at her in satisfied approval. The light of the candles obscured one side of his face, though his pale eye still seemed to gleam unnaturally bright. Elisa couldn’t help but look deep into it, studying the way his iris practically melted into the whites of his eye. Something about it compelled her, perhaps the very curiosity that led her into the church that evening.

“Elisa, thank you.” Copia said quickly, as if he couldn’t get the words out fast enough. He shifted his eyes to the side, looking at the altar instead of the younger woman who stood in front of him. ”I do appreciate your help,” he continued more slowly now, “and you’re obviously welcome to leave whenever you’d wish.”

Elisa felt a sudden twinge of sadness. Had Copia not wanted her there after all? No, no she was being ridiculous. She hardly knew the man. She simply found him to be interesting, far more interesting than any other man she had met. And part of her dismayed at him averting his eyes from her, not only because she couldn’t see his eye that interested her so, but she couldn’t see how the light carved out his features beautifully as she could when he was facing her.

“Though I’d like if you stayed.” He looked embarrassed, almost shy and nervous. Elisa was taken aback, not expecting the cardinal to be so forward.

“Copia,” She said finally.

“Yes?” He asked, turning back to her. As he laid his eyes on her again she could nearly feel her legs buckle, suddenly weak in the knees and unsure of her actions. He made her nervous. Though this time not in fear, but instead she craved his sight on her. His approval of her.

“I-“ She was at a loss for words. She hardly had any idea what she actually wanted to say, and she was in no headspace to figure it out. Her mind buzzed lightly, merely happy to have done a good job, happy to be seen and to be appreciated.

“Cara, you look beautiful tonight.” He crouched slightly to look at her, placing his hand on her shoulders. His touch- it seemed to unlock something in Elisa’s mind. It was a simple desire that buzzed through her head, that for Copia to touch her. To hold her gently as he did with the ritual materials, holding them with care and admiration.

She didn’t understand why she suddenly felt so drawn to him, but she felt an undeniable pull to speak to him, to be close to him. He was closer now. So close that Elisa could almost feel him envelop her. She could smell him now, notes of sandalwood and musk dancing around him. With each inhale she craved more, to feel him against her, to know what his hands felt like under his gloves. 

He turned his face to look at her again, his lips partying ever-so-slightly. Elisa wondered what he was thinking about, what parts of her he noticed or what he wanted to do. She felt herself grow nervous, his gaze on her intimidating, and yet she found herself wanting more of it. She wanted him to reach out, to do something, to touch her. 

She grew impatient, taking it upon herself to fill the void between them. She pressed her lips against his, softly, closing her eyes as she did so. Copia was still for a moment, his eyes wide. Though it only took him a moment to realize what Elisa had done, kissing her back gently, closing his eyes as he let his hands wander down to her hips.

Elisa felt herself smile as she felt Copia‘s lips move against hers, a small moan escaping her mouth as Copia pushed to enter her mouth. She draped her hands around his shoulders, pulling him deeper into her, feeling her way around his mouth. He moved his right hand up the small of her back, turning her back down onto the pew. Elisa held her arm out behind her to keep herself mostly upright, letting her other hand hold Copia’s head from behind, raking her hands through his dark hair.

He was on top of her, taking one hand and cupping her cheek as she melted under his touch. The other held him up above her as he pulled away to look at her. She was a beautiful mess under the candlelight, her lips pouty and kissable as she was splayed out against his church’s pew. He could already feel himself going mad for her, wanting nothing more than to rip off her clothing, tearing them off with his teeth, biting up her thighs until she was begging him to stop. 

Elisa felt so small under his gaze. He looked at her with hunger, something insatiable deep within him that burned brighter than any of the candles that lit the room. Elisa felt her heart rate pick up as Copia took her jaw in his hand, turning it away from him. She felt frustrated for a moment, upset that she couldn’t look at him more until she felt his mouth against her neck. His breath was hot, his breathing deep and wanting. He began to run his tongue along the side of her neck, planting kisses across her jawline. He let out a soft growl as he bit down in her neck lightly, a moan escaping Elisa’s lips. 

She bit down on her lips, savoring the feeling of Copia’s mouth against her skin. He pulled up from her neck and looked down at her, his breathing more ragged than before. “Shirt off. Now.”

Elisa made quick work of removing her shirt, pulling it over her head and tossing it over into the pew behind her. She felt the cold air of the church touch her skin, causing a shiver to roll down her spine as Copia took her head in his hands, kissing her deeply once more. His lips were soft yet his kisses felt rough and aggressive now. His hands made their way down her body, holding her hips in place as he began to bite across her collarbone. 

He was taking his time with this, slowly but surely watching her unravel underneath his touch. With each touch of his hand he could feel her shudder underneath him, the sound of her ragged breathing driving him mad. She marveled at the strength of his hands and his arms, working their way across her body.

He brought his hands up behind her, unfastening her bra, gently pulling it down her arms to reveal her breasts. Her bra dropped to the ground, neither caring where it landed.  He took his opportunity to kiss her again, using his hands to playing with her nipples as he felt her moan into his mouth. He knew his gloves were cold, they normally were, and yet he left them on, knowing she was not yet completely desperate for the feel of his skin.

It was hard for Elisa to reconcile what she was doing and how she was feeling. The pleasure she got from Copia was growing by the minute, each touch making her fall deeper under his control. She kept trying to think, but it was a fruitless effort. She couldn’t think about the satanic church or how this man led a faith she couldn’t understand, all she could think about was how badly she wanted this man to fuck her.

Copia gripped down on Elisa‘s thighs, grabbing the belt loops of her pants before inching them down her legs. She lifted up slightly, making it easier for him to undress her. She was excited now, anxiously anticipating what was to come with bated breath. Copia took great care in undressing her, taking off her shoes slowly, making it so Elisa would have to wait for what she wanted. Then came her socks, then finally pulling her pants off of her legs.

Copia kneeled in front of the pew, looking up at Elisa as she sat up more correctly now. She couldn’t help but realize how much it looked like he was praying, praying to her to let him have her. “Is this what you want?” He touched her thigh gently, the leather of his glove cold against her previously untouched skin. She nodded. “No Elisa. I want to hear you say it. Do you understand?” 

“Yes. I want this.” She said, her voice shaky. Copia lifted his hands, taking the tip of his gloved index finger into his mouth. He bit down on the tip of the glove, slowly pulling it off of his hand. He rested his hands down on her thigh, the heat of it exciting Elisa even more than she already was. He did the same to his other hand, dropping the gloves to the ground before taking Elisa’s thighs in both hands.

“You’re going to tell me when you feel you’re going to cum, do you understand?” He asked, his face serious, the dark of the room enveloping him.

“Yes.”

“Yes what?” He grabbed her thighs tighter now, his nails digging into her skin, causing her to clench her legs together tightly. 

“Yes sir.” She said hesitantly.

“Good girl.” He whispered, taking his hands and drawing her legs open. He looked at her for a moment, taking in the beauty of her body under candlelight. She seemed so alive, the rise and fall of her chest, the way her lips parted with each breath. Her skin was flushed, small bruises beginning to form where Copia had marked her flesh.

He lifted her left leg, placing it down on top of the pew. Elisa felt a certain wave of clarity hit her in this moment. She began to feel her breath quicken, tapping her fingers lightly against the top of her knee. She thought about how long it had been, how the months had passed by without anyone feeling her the way Copia was now. Part of her wanted to stop, unsure of herself and her actions, and yet she still spread her legs open as Copia’s breath hit her thigh.

Copia studied her, the way she was moving, each twitch and moment of tension an indication of her wanting. Her thighs were a thing of beauty, thick pieces of flesh for him to sink his teeth into. He started at her knees, kissing and licking down her thigh slowly, his mustache grazing her thigh as he did, teasing her until he was just against her panties. He took a moment to look at them, black and simple, soon to be of no use. He then started again at her other knee, listening to Elisa’s labored breath as he neared the place where she wanted him most.

He planted a kiss onto the fabric, feeling her shudder lightly beneath him. He used his hands to prop her up, positioning her at the edge of the pew, her legs now dangling off the edge. In this moment, he knew, she was fully his to do with as he pleased. Her eyes, they were almost glassy now, her arms at her sides. 

“You’re so petty when you’re desiderate” Copia took her hand and slowly moved Elisa’s panties to the side. Laying eyes on it he could feel his mouth water. She was wet, glistening in the light of the flames behind him. He could tell just how much she wanted him.

Elisa felt her body tense as Copia made contact, his lips hot against her. He was kissing her, licking and feeling his way around her, learning as he did, slowly working up to her clit. Elisa let out breathy moans, reaching her hand out to Copia’s hair. It was soft in her hands, applying a light pressure as he reached her clitoris.

Undeniably Copia knew what he was doing, sucking and licking against her as she let out deeper moans, the gaps between them slowly beginning to fade. Her eyes were closed, shut tightly as her body tensed under his touch. She was growing increasingly sensitive, each sensation rippling through her body. Copia’s hands ran up the sides of her body as he sought to devour her entirely. He gripped onto her waist, his fingers digging into her flesh, soft and plump.

Copia himself was overwhelmed, struggling to hold himself from fully taking her here in his church pews. No, he couldn’t do that now, there simply wasn’t enough time, though the hardness in his pants would disagree with him. The sight and the taste of her was intoxicating, the sounds of her filling the church driving him nearly to madness. He moved one hand off of her waist, leaving the other to keep her in place.

He pulled his mouth away from her, looking up at her desperate form. Her eyes fluttered open, looking down at him with longing. She wanted nothing more than for him to keep going. To continue the assault on her senses, losing grip of how or why she came to the church to begin with. Whatever the reason, Elisa didn’t care anymore. She only cared about Copia and what he could do to her.

Copia, watching her intently as he did so, slipped a single finger inside of her, feeling her body tense around him. “Do you remember what I asked of you earlier?” A smirk creeped onto his face, watching her process the question. She nodded quickly, arching herself into his fingers. “No, no. None of that.” He teased, pulling his fingers out of her to a disappointed whine. “Answer the question properly.”

Elisa’s cheeks burned at Copia’s words. He was staring at her, waiting for an answer. She wanted that feeling again, the warmth of his finger inside of her, the slight stretch she could feel around it. “Yes I remember.”

“Good.” His eyes looked mischievous. He lowered his face closer to her again. “Now tell me Cara, what was it you said you would do for me?”

“That I would tell you-“ she moaned as Copia slid in two fingers, curling his fingers up, a wave of pleasure hitting her from within. 

“Go on.” Copia continued to slide his fingers in and out of her, curling them upwards each time. “Finish telling me.” He was riding this out, watching her back arch to fit his movements, listening to the moans that echoed in the pulpit. He was enjoying this greatly, watching her writhe and become needy for more of him.

“That I,” She started, her voice unsteady. She found it incredibly hard to focus on anything in particular, especially talking. All she could manage to focus on was the feeling of Copia’s fingers stretching and filling her, dismantling any resistance she may have been holding onto. “That I would tell you when I need to cum.”

As she finished speaking she was immediately rewarded. Copia set back on his assault, alternating between sucking and licking her clit, feeling her body tense and pull away from overstimulation. She was his now, full of want and need that only he could satiate. Her body screamed for him, her moans an invitation to take her right there and then, wholly and completely. Instead however, Copia pushed forward, burying his mouth into her, fucking her with his fingers until her wetness ran down his hand.

It all came to a very sudden head, the pleasure within her accumulating in her stomach, wrapping itself up like a tight knot. Elisa was unsure how much more she could handle, how much longer she could manage before she was fully undone. Her head spinning, her body yearning for release.

Her body grew tight, feeling as if it was about to spill over. She watched as Copia worked, his eyes glancing back up at her intermittently, filled with a hunger and desire she had never seen from a man before. Her chest heaved at the pace of his thrusting fingers, the pulling inside of her growing stronger each time.

Copia could tell she was close, her body clasping down on his fingers, her breathing ragged and desperate. He waited expectantly, knowing soon she would lose herself to him for just a moment. He didn’t have to wait long before Elisa’s legs tensed suddenly, attempting to close themselves around Copia. Her arms folded across herself, as if she had to contain the pleasure that was filling her body, spreading itself out from her core to her extremities. 

Then she was enveloped in a deep sense of calm, her mind fuzzy and unfocused. This only lasted a moment as her mind came into focus, looking out at Copia who rose up from between her legs. He took his fingers and placed them into his mouth, licking and sucking her wetness from his hand. He took them out, turning them toward Elisa. She opened her mouth, allowing Copia to fill it with his fingers, placing them against her tongue. She ran her tongue along the length of his fingers, closing her eyes as she tasted herself on him.

“Now Elisa, you must be tired.” He said, pulling his fingers from her mouth. He left them on her lips for a moment, finding himself imagining how good his cock would look against her soft lips. 

Elisa nodded, dumbfounded at herself for the situation she put herself into. Everything came flooding back, the nature of where they were, the Cardinal’s explanation of his faith, and that very man himself kneeling in front of her as she laid naked, sat in one of his church pews.

“That was-“ She started but found herself at a loss of words. Had she really done that? She didn’t know what came over her, a wave of embarrassment hitting her.

“A lot, yes.” Copia finished. “You’ve had a long day dear, it’s best we get you dressed and to bed now, hm?” Elisa simply nodded, not knowing how to respond.

“I just-“ She tried to explain, covering herself with her hands. “Cardinal I-“

He stopped her this time. “I think we’re well past professional titles now don’t you think Elisa?” He turned up the corner of his mouth into an awkwardly charming smile. Elisa relaxed slightly, Copia’s awkwardness a welcome break from the tension brewing between the two.

Copia began to help Elisa dress herself, retrieving her shirt that was thrown into the next pew. When she was finally dressed Copia worked on smoothing out her now messy hair. He was treating her so gently, his hands soft against her head and her hair, his face that of admiration.

“You did well.” He said, running his palm over the length of her hair. She turned up to face him, her eyes greeting him with that same pleading look she had while he played with her body. She felt selfish and ashamed, feeling unworthy of the praise he was giving her. “I didn’t do anything.” She said quietly, averting her eyes from his gaze.

He held her face, holding her up too meet his eyes. “You did amazingly.” He reassured her, leaning down to place a kiss upon her forehead. “Though, you didn’t fulfill that little promise we had made.” He smirked at her, her eyes growing wider as she realized that he was correct.

“I meant to! I thought I-“ She tried to explain but it felt useless to attempt. “I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize.” Copia said carefully, pushing her hair back behind her ear. He thought it looked neater that way. “It only means you have to make it up to me.”

“I really didn’t mean to.” Elisa explained. “I-“

“Lying is sin dear, I’m sure you know that.” He held her head by her chin, using his fingers to prop her head up. He looks so commanding, in control of everything around him. His eyes held mischief behind them, and his smirk only confirmed his malicious intent. “You knew you were close dear. I knew you were close.” She swallowed unsure how to respond. “But don’t worry, sinning is very much what we do here. You’ll grow to understand us very well.”

Elisa was spent, the last of her energy used to smooth out her clothing. Copia led her to the door, waiting before opening it. She stood there, anxious, exhausted, and confused. Copia came close, pressing his lips to hers gently. She could barely recognize what was happening before she reciprocated, moving her hand up to touch his face. His skin was softer than she thought it would be, his mustache tickling her slightly as he pulled away.

“Goodnight dear, my service will start soon.” 

Elisa felt lost, unsure of what to do. To go back to the dorms felt so anticlimactic, so normal. Tonight was anything but normal. Tonight was a whirlwind of unexpected happenings, a culmination of something she hasn’t even stopped to consider. Her and the Cardinal-no, Copia- were more than simply friendly acquaintances now. And yet she couldn’t think of a term to describe what exactly they were in relation to one another. Nothing seemed to fit the hyper specific scenario she now found herself in.

She nodded, grabbing hold of the door to set back on walking home.

“Oh!” Copia exclaimed, digging through his pants pockets for something. He took out a card, black, the letters on it near impossible to read in the dark. “My personal number.” He explained, a sheepish smile showing itself on his face. “Text me when you get inside your dorm. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

Elisa Smiled, her cheeks burning a little at his words. She took the card from his hand. “I will. Um… thank you for… tonight.” She was nearly mumbling as she turned the door handle to open the door.

Elisa remained true to her word, as the second she entered her dorm room she found herself pulling out her phone. She looked down at the card, Cardinal Copia: Church of Emeritus , was written on top in a simple white font. Second hand to Papa Emeritus III , was written beneath it. A phone number was written on the bottom, Copia’s personal number. 

After inputting the phone number Elisa write out her message:

12:03am: Hi Copia, I am back at home. I hope your service goes well.

“Where in the fuck were you?” Elisa turned suddenly to her roommate, sat at her desk in confusion. Her hair was messy, sloppy blonde curls  running down her shoulders.  

“I-uh…” Elisa thought quickly, excuses running through her mind. “I had a date. Tinder. Y’know how that goes.”

“Ah.” Claudia nodded her head in perfect understanding. “Any good?” She quirked an eyebrow up at Elisa.

“Oh definitely.”

Chapter Text

Elisa thought back to the last time she had sex. It was months ago, nearly a year now. She was drunk, her breath boozy and labored, though hardly any moans seemed to escape from her lips. Her brain felt foggy and tired, half regretting what she was doing and resigning to herself that she already started it and therefore she felt like she had to at least finish it. Of course she was wrong, and she knew that, but she didn’t seem to care enough and wasn’t about to potentially be assaulted by some guy because he sucked in bed.

The man she was with was one she had met at a frat party earlier in the evening. She thought his name was Josh? Jacob? Maybe Jack? No matter what it was she didn’t quite care and wasn’t interested in remembering it or this event in general. She didn’t want to remember the smell of spilt jungle juice that permeated through the house, or the way his hands fumbled across her body awkwardly. 

By the time it was done she looked down at him with a certain sense of pity. He looked small and frail, a man used just as he had used her. She gained nothing from the exchange, but something about looking upon him all spent and pathetic made her feel slightly better about everything in her life. A few meaningless minutes to her had broken him, leaving him curled up in bed, attempting to grasp onto her arms for some kind of comfort. She had shaken him off her arm, throwing her clothes on quickly. He tried to get her to come back, protesting weakly before giving up. Before he could rise from the bed she had already left, her mission accomplished and mind satiated for the time being.

Later that night Elisa had taken a shower, running the water burning hot, scrubbing her skin roughly with a washcloth. She felt that if she did so, perhaps in some way she’d be renewed, that her skin would now be untouched and unused. Of course, logically she knew that wasn’t true, but she felt filthy, and if scalding her skin slightly would help her feel better about it then she felt fully justified in doing so.

Elisa didn’t feel the need to scald herself after being with Copia, though her brain writhed with a certain type of guilt. It had been days- five in fact- and her brain still swirled with the memory of Copia and all that they had done in the church. She felt like a woman gone mad, her mind filled with perverse fantasies that she often tried to keep subdued.

Her dreams began to be haunted by him, images of him bending her over the altar or gripping her throat. She tried to avoid her thoughts, filling her days again with random escapades throughout the city. Tonight was no different, her plan to go to as many bars as she could across Trastevere.

She smoothed over her dress. It was a new one she had bought on one of her escapades along with Claudia. She had never been one to be inclined to buy a little black dress, but something about the bell sleeves and the way it clung to her curves made her happy to buy it. She looked in the mirror, attempting to zip up the side zipper before Claudia ran over to assist her.

Elisa had already put her face on, her eyeliner smoked out, face contoured and lips a brick red. She liked how she looked today, flashing herself a small smile before messing with her dark hair again. She had put half of it up in an attempt to keep her cool as she went about the night, though she knew inevitably her hair would simply fall out of it. Thankfully she had cut her hair shorter before arriving in Italy, cutting off a little past her shoulders. She had liked her hair long, but she wanted to get rid of it in the same way she scrubbed her skin off.

“Whatever happened to that tinder guy?” Claudia looked up, applying her mascara carefully before turning to Elisa who stopped in her tracks.

“Who?”

Claudia continued doing her makeup. It was darker than her usual style, her dress a strappy purple number she’d brought from home. “The one from the other day. You haven’t brought him up since.”

“Oh yeah. That.” Elisa bit down lightly on the inside of her cheek, which now grew hotter at the thought of the other night. She picked up her jewelry box, slipping on two cheap silver-colored rings to distract herself. “Drifted apart I guess.” It was a weak answer but Claudia seemed to either be satisfied with it or decided the real answer simply wasn’t worth fighting for.

The two set up a cab and were soon on their way south. They’d been to Trastevere several times before now, usually walking the streets in search of some new bar or restaurant they could tear through before finding a new one to abuse. The streets were small, the girls pushing themselves against the buildings they walked next to whenever a car came down, Claudia complaining about how the roads in Italy are in no way wide enough to accommodate anything, let alone a van in the middle of Trastevere.

They come up on a small Irish pub, the inside mildly cramped, but then again it was every other bar they had seen. Claudia explained that they’d wait here for the rest of the group, about six others, before finding a club or a bigger bar. Elisa ordered a gin and tonic, half-forgetting how hit or miss these were with her. She began to sip her drink every few minutes, watching as Claudia chatted at the bar with a different group full of boys from the university.

“Now what are you doing in the corner by yourself?” A voice called it to her. She looked up to a familiar face, but not one she knew the name to. He was boyishly handsome, his features soft and kind, with big brown eyes and short curly hair to match. She recognized him from Italian class, he was always sat around a group of other boys, and because of that she could never quite figure out his name. Elisa assumed him and his group had heard they’d meet the rest of the girls here.

“Nursing my drink of course.” She responded by taking another sip. She thought he was cute enough, and she thought it could be good to talk with another man. Copia was just too much, too strange and too different than anything she ever knew. This guy though, was perfectly normal, and perhaps normal was good for her.

“You keep to yourself like this often?” He asked, pulling up a chair to sit at her table.

“Only when wearing little black dresses. Keeps the mystique.” He laughed at that.

“I like that energy.  Your name was Eliza right?” He questioned, leaning his body a little closer across the table.

“Elisa.”

“I was close. I’m Mason.” He smiled. Elisa looked at him, almost more like she was studying him more than she was gazing at him. Nothing about him was wrong, by all means, she should’ve felt something for him. Some kind of excitement, nervousness, anything really- and yet, he did nothing for her. She tried to imagine being with him, what his hands would feel like, the curve of his mouth, the sounds he might make. Part of her grew frustrated as they spoke. Everything about Mason seemed perfectly pleasant and exactly what she had always wanted. And she felt absolutely nothing towards him.

Eventually Claudia came to collect her, ending her casual small talk with Mason. Their small group now heading towards their next destination, leaving Mason and his group back at the pub. Claudia congratulated her as they walked down the crowded streets, explaining that Mason was essentially the catch of the season. He was pre-med on course to become a general practitioner, and with looks to boot, the other girls in the group thought he was simply dreamy. Elisa nodded, agreeing that he was certainly someone worth ogling over. The girls began a plan to invite the boys to follow along once they found somewhere good, most having at least one of the boy’s in the group’s number.

The night carried on, and it wasn’t until about two in the morning that Elisa’s group found a club with fairly priced drinks and half-decent music. The club was still small, most of it taken up by the bar, the other half a cramped dancing space. Elisa took the liberty of washing away her worries, changing her order from cocktails to straight tequila shots. 

Sweat dripped down the back of her neck, her hair sticking to it. The part of her that cared about her appearance had long since died, replaced by a drunken urge to dance and ignorethe world around her. That didn’t last very long though, the girl’s having texted the boy’s group soon after arriving. They showed up within the hour, Mason finding Elisa quickly in the narrow building.

Now he smelled like rum, his smile more sloppy, his curls falling down across his face. Elisa wasn’t quite sure how she wound up so close to him, her face close up against his chest, looking up at him. He took his hand and brushed her hair back away from her face. She knew where this was going, she always did. Somehow, when presented with an offer of attention her brain pushed away hesitation, simply accepting what she was given. And so when Mason put his lips against hers she didn’t fight it, she accepted it and played into it.

Mason was gentle, his hands soft against her face. She leaned into it, pushing back any ideas that came up to break it off. She kept trying to justify it to herself, that it wasn’t bad, that she would like it eventually. He was a perfectly nice man and yet a part of her was screaming. He grew more persistent, trying to coax Elisa into opening up for him. She couldn’t blame him, she was doing it again. She was playing into her role, accepting what was given. 

She thought again of the shower, the sting of the water against her flesh, burning hot, leaving her skin red and irritated. She thought about the scrubbing, rough and unrelenting, as if she were attempting to scrape off every cell that she allowed men to touch. She questioned why she always did this. Why it always felt so awful, how she always seemed to punish herself, and how she knew that if she continued she’d inevitably do it again.

She pulled away, Mason’s face dazed and confused. “I have to go.” She pushed him aside, heading toward the door. She didn’t care to hear any protests or questions from Mason, she just wanted to go home. She ordered a cab home, texting Claudia where she was heading so as to not worry her.

Elisa waited patiently as the cab slowly made its way through the narrow roads. She felt a wave of guilt wash over her, biting down on the insides of her cheeks in an attempt to ignore it. She felt like a freak. She thought about Copia and how much she enjoyed the other day. Copia expected nothing from her, he held her and brushed her hair out in his hands, kissing her forehead before sending her home safely. She thought to herself that perhaps that’s what it was. The lack of expectations, Copia’s unending praise and reassurance that made her feel better. She tried to imagine Mason doing the same, and while he’d probably be better than others she’d given herself over to, she couldn’t imagine he’d be nearly as soothing.

The cab approached the back of the building before coming to a stop. Elisa found that cabs here rarely dropped her off in front of her destination, but the price was cheaper than it was at home, so she thanked the driver and got out. She began to walk up to the building, looking at the door to the church. It felt daunting now, yet her mind still bubbled with a sense of curiosity about it.

She wanted Copia’s reassurances again. She wasn’t sure why she wanted it so much, but at that moment, reasoning was irrelevant. She approached the door, hesitating for a moment before knocking on it lightly. After a moment of no answer Elisa sighed, it was almost four in the morning after all. She began to turn away to walk back to the front of the building, when the door opened.

“Chi è qui a quest'ora?” The voice was undeniably the Cardinal’s, though he sounded more sleepy and annoyed than Elisa had ever heard him.

“Copia,” Elisa said, turning around again. She finally caught a glimpse of him behind the door. He was wearing a matching red set of sweatpants and sweatshirt, his hair more wild and tousled than it was in the light of day. He also wasn’t wearing his makeup, his face bare. He looked slightly older that way, but still handsome nonetheless. Upon seeing Elisa his face shifted from a look of general annoyance to one that Elisa could only place as either confusion or concern, or even a hint of both.

“Elisa, what are you doing here?” Elisa shrugged, not really having an answer to that question. “Come inside, it’s cold.” He held open the door for her as she stepped inside.

The church was as she remembered it, her eyes immediately darting over to the pew where everything had commenced. She felt her face burn looking at it, tearing her eyes away to look at Copia who stood in general confusion.

“Cara you reek of…” He sniffed the air for a moment. “Tequila.” 

“I’ve had a rough night I think.” Elisa stood limply, her arms at her side. She felt stupid, but part of her was growing emotional. Her eyes burned under the lights, and her throat felt dry and raw. 

“I think you’ve had a bit much.” Elisa nodded at that. “I have a spare room, you can stay in there.” Copia offered, looking behind him at a door off to the right. “Or I can walk you home too if you’d like.”

He was nice. Too nice. Elisa felt her eyes beginning to well up, and she did her best to hold back her emotions. She hated to let him see her like this, a sloppy depressed mess appearing in the dead at night at his front doorstep. Elisa must have been bad at hiding everything she was thinking, as Copia locked her into an embrace. He brought his hand up to pet her hair, ignoring the sweat that drenched the back of her neck. “Let’s get you some water huh?” Elisa nodded weakly, taking hold of his hand as he took her into the next room.

Beyond the door was an office space, a wooden desk sat in the center surrounded by several bookshelves. Books had been piled up in a corner, presumably unable to fit in the shelves. On the opposite wall sat a large leather couch, a painting of a garden hung above it. Elisa wanted to ask about it, but found herself pulled off into the next room before she could say anything. 

 The next room was a kitchen with dark wood cabinets and gold detailing. A rack of drying dishes sat next to the sink, a pile of papers spread across the island that sat in the center of everything. Copia went to the cabinet, pulling down a glass before opening the freezer. He broke a few cubes of ice out of an ice tray, placing them inside the glass. He then poured her some water from the trap, sliding it across the island as he gestured for her to take a seat at one of the barstools.

“Talk to me.” He sat down as Elisa took a sip of her drink. It has been the first time she had ice water in weeks, now realizing just how much she missed drinking ice cold water.

“There’s a boy.” She said flatly, returning to her drink. She finished it quickly, almost all at once.

“Careful Cara, you’ll make yourself sick.” Copia warned, and he did look genuinely worried. His eyes were wide as he began to listen to Elisa attempt to explain everything.

“And he kissed me, and I kissed him back but I just felt dirty and gross,” She started to explain, resting her head on the island. She spread her arms out above her, the marble countertop cold against her skin. “He’s not even ugly, he’s cute he’s just… I don’t know. And I didn’t feel that with you, but I get it all the time and I hate it. And I’m tired. And I’m so over it.”

“I see.” Elisa didn’t bother to look up at Copia. She felt his hands come up on her back, beginning to rub her back in circles. Part of her was thankful, and another hated the gesture. It was too kind, like he always seemed to be with her. She felt stupid, depending on some man she hardly knew for comfort, but she never told him to stop.

They stayed like that for a while, however long, Elisa didn’t quite know. Eventually Copia spoke, suggesting Elisa go to the guest room and get some rest. By this time whatever energy she had been holding onto had long since gone, her response a simple head nod.

Copia’s guest room was simple, a full sized mattress up against the wall, a small end table beside it. There were pictures hung on the walls but Elisa didn’t care to look. She nestled into the bed quickly, pulling the dark blue covers over herself.

Copia bent down to her level, pushing her hair away from her face. “You need anything you call for me, okay?” Elisa nodded but at this point, she was barely cognizant. “Goodnight Elisa.”