Chapter 1: Morpheus
Notes:
This one is quite a bit darker than my previous work, but I felt like transferring his sadness into one single monologue could turn out a good thing...I mean it's not a good thing, but you get me.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When you dream of hope, I will be gone
Morpheus
One-hundred-and-thirty-three years I had endured pain. It was not a physical matter it was merely in my head. Locked up powerless, hopeless.
As time continued to pass for years and years of mortal suffering, all due to me being weak enough to be captured.
I never quite new the meaning of being in pain, but this was what truly described what I felt – pain.
I was never truly able to feel anyone’s touch. Neither the ones of my siblings nor any other being. Not that I needed it, but clearly, it had throughout years been giving me the feeling of being untouchable, almost invisible, non-existent. When those mortals had captured me, I faced plenty of time to think.
I had succumbed to my thoughts as I was unable to hide behind hearing the voice of the dreamers.
I was alone, all by myself, left to my very own mind and I felt mortal.
Centuries, eons in my duty…I was forced to be there for them – to give them what they need in order to survive.
I felt nothing. I felt the duty lying on my shoulders, pushing them down until I would crumble underneath the weight.
Giving a part of me to every single mortal being, lending them my imagination, my creations, something from deep within me – to let them dream.
Nobody ever asked for this, nobody ever asked for me to drown myself in sorrow and yet here I am sitting, feeling nothing.
Have I fallen into despair? Did she surpass my power? Have I given in – did I end up being nothing but a weak mortal in the end?
I am longing for an end to this, longing for an end to my suffering.
Day after day the same weight – the same pressure – same actions taken.
Claiming to feel safe in my realm, claiming to feel safe ruling over a kingdom of lies.
Perhaps John was right, maybe I am nothing but the king of lies.
My realm has grown darker lately even though I had returned with more power than I had ever had.
The realm had grown full of dark clouds, rain, thunderstorms and even the Dreaming itself appeared like the realm of nightmares, as it symbolizes myself, being a manifestation of my mental state. And yet something as mortal as the feeling of sadness, is all the Dreaming contains lately.
I am leaning on the balcony looking all over my kingdom, drowned in darkness – nothing but deep pitch-black darkness.
Here I am at the very end. I reach out my hand feeling raindrops, like burning flames crawling across my skin, devouring me, consuming the few feelings left inside of me. They are slowly making their way down my skin.
My eyes filled with tears which I have thought could never even have a chance to appear on my face.
I can no longer feel a difference between the rain and my tears, perhaps they are the same. Perhaps my tears are falling all the way across my kingdom because I look at it with those sorrowful empty eyes of mine.
This is ridiculous – all of this. Have I grown to become mortal – grown to be a weak little helpless being.
Craving for light, searching for it at the very end of the road of eternal darkness, when I was supposed to be the one giving people hope – giving people imagination.
I cannot bare to longer give them hope, for I have not a glimpse of hope remaining inside of me.
Shadows surrounding me. My very own shadow hunting me, touching the end of my cloak dragging me to a place I cannot seem to reach, even as I raise my arm as far as I could without falling. The shadow crawling across my skin until my entire body was consumed by darkness.
My thoughts conjuring about the same things swirling around as I make everyone dream of sorrow, pain…despair.
I have grown a hollow shell – a fragment of what I used to be – empty…hopeless…sad.
My sister used to tell me that everyone can achieve to embark on a journey into the light, to walk across the road, the lonely path to reach for it.
I hope I can get to see it to, for I am afraid I can no longer keep this burden alive.
I feel like I have given up on myself, my duty, my existence. Clearly this is not my decision to be taken. But what is a dream if not a light at the end of a dark road.
I can no longer be that dream. I have been covered in scars of my own thoughts. Scars that I had caused myself – scars that I never intended to wear, and it feels like everyone can see them – can see my weakness. Everyone except me – I cannot see them, I can only feel them. Every single movement, every single thought coming from my head feels like a knife cutting through the flesh of my mortal shell, my hollow body, the crowded mind.
My weakness had brought me here, not even strong enough to reign and protect my own kingdom, to fulfill my function, I have failed – I failed everyone, my kingdom, my subjects, my son, my family, even those dear to me and I clearly have failed myself.
Failures are not meant to be immortal, they are meant to be erased, to be corrected, to shape a better future, to shape a future safe and full of hope.
Thus, it is time to leave.
Yes, I am afraid so...
I am afraid it is time...
...I give up.
Notes:
As somebody who has read the comics only a few years after they came out quite some time ago, I of course know the ending of it all, yet I tried to leave room to your imagination whether this is focusing on the graphic novel or the series. We did see more than enough sad Morpheus within the series, thanks to our beloved Tom Sturridge, to give this monologue some room within the series' timeline.
I do not know if it is going to be a one-shot or whether I make up different variations of characters interacting with Morpheus in order to mend his broken mind. Now that I consider this, I would love writing how characters as Lucienne, Hob, Matthew or Death, maybe even Calliope would deal with him like this. Thank you for reading - new chapter for "You May Call Me Forlorn My Friend", will be added tomorrow; or sunday if I actually need to hang out in the real life for a change, but I will try my best to avoid that.
Chapter 2: Matthew
Summary:
Matthew pays a visit to Morpheus who had turned the Dreaming into a place full of clouds and sorrow. Trying to cheer him up, Matthew opens up to Morpheus about his past life.
Notes:
Don't know how I feel about writing this as a POV Morpheus story, it felt right as a monologue in the first chapter, with two people talking it's kind of strange.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When you dream of hope, I will be gone
Matthew
“Boss? The clouds are darker than they usually are…”
My loyal companion sat down on the parapet right in front of me. His feathers soaking wet causing a tiny puddle underneath him.
“They are indeed.”
Matthew tilted his head looking at me with a questioning look.
“Yeah, well boss, do you know why? Lucienne sent me to check up on some stuff, but I can’t seem to get through the Dreaming like this…”
I looked down in a deep sigh, noticing swirling shadows lingering all around us. A single strike of thunder appearing, caused Matthew to wince.
“Man, boss, you caused those clouds, did you? Could you just make them go away, so I can do my job? Promise I won’t disturb you brooding here afterwards.”
Reaching my arm towards the sky, trying to feel any warmth, a small glimpse of sunlight shined through dark blue clouds. My hand began to tremble and ache as I kept holding it up. A tingling feeling made its way across my body, my fingers, my hand, my arm…until my entire body felt numb, and I slowly slid down on the balcony parapet. Sitting on the floor I felt my shadow pulling on my cloak, digging its claws into my body. It was like it was willed to tore me apart.
What was wrong with me? I have served for aeons and yet all of a sudden everything breaks, everything seems to crumble. I had my proof, I really could not fulfill my duty any longer. I turned the entire Dreaming into the Nightmare-Realm just because I drowned myself in sorrow. Matthew jumped down on my knee looking around himself, noticing the shadow had almost flooded the entire balcony.
“Boss? What’s wrong? What’s going on here? Shall I get Lucienne to…”
“Don’t! Don’t call Lucienne. Just leave me alone for a bit and I will clean up the sky, I just need to think and…”
“Sorry, to interrupt, but I think, whatever you will think about right now, is definitely not cleaning up any cloud. You look like the personification of a dark cloud right now.”
Numbness exchanged with feeling nothing but piercing cold. Raindrops mixed with tears streamed down my face as I felt unable to communicate. It was like I had nothing to say. I always knew what I wanted to say, I always had a clear idea of what the other said as a response, but my mind felt bare and empty. Imagine a dream, without any inspiration, no creativity, only empty lingering darkness. What am I supposed to give to the dreamers? My thoughts swirled around my purposelessness, as Matthew hopped to my other leg to regain my attention.
“Hey, may I tell you a story?”
I nodded, as it was just the perfect offer to no longer feel the need of talking, making up words to prove anything to anyone…
“Boss, dark thoughts, sorrow, fear won’t lead you anywhere. You know, it can be good to figure out where exactly the floor is and how deep you may fall once you hit the ground, but you need to look up to see that there’s always a way out of that hole. When I was still human, I had an awesome family, after some unfortunate events I got possessed by the uncle of my wife, I’m telling you, being possessed is a horrible thing. You feel everything your body feels, but you can’t decide what you are doing, you are just kind of alive – halfway. You know you look like you’re half-alive too. When you are possessed, you are still in there and it’s a matter of strength to be stronger than what is dragging your body around. It’s a matter of love, those you act for, those you would give up your life for, those who need you – you can surpass everything if you keep in mind that somebody out there was very sad if you left, you know? I mean, I managed to kill that thing off in me and maybe it was fate – I was hurt and died from the injuries while in coma, so I came here and became your raven. I killed this thing to save my family, I never gave up and here I am with you, and I would be really sad if you left, you know, you’d take my purpose away…”
A small smile appeared on my lips. I noticed I had never asked what had happened to Matthew, I always accepted he was around and loyal, but never questioned him for a second. Figuring out a person as dedicated and caring was just the right decision – as a companion, at some points a guide to human decisions, a friend, who was worried, who was scared of losing somebody dear to him – I was dear to someone – this thought made me gather the feeling of joy in my numb body.
I looked half-alive he said, and perhaps he was right, perhaps I had lost something in the waking world, and somehow underneath all that weight, I needed to figure out what it was I had lost, to feel whole again, or at least like I was inside of this body for a tiny little bit. His words had felt as a comforting hug. It was like putting on a cloak to cover up my skin the day, I had returned from my captivity.
All of a sudden I felt the sky brightening up. I turned around to look up, noticing the clouds had moved aside to let sunlight cover the black balcony in a dark shade of bronze. Matthew hopped back on the parapet and looked up.
“Well, thanks boss, guess I could really enlighten you, huh?”
I pulled myself up feeling my body had not regained its strength. Leaning on my elbows next to Matthew I closed my eyes and enjoyed letting the sun touch my weary eyes. My legs were shaking, my shoulders ached, but I knew Matthew had given me back something, a tiny thing, a fracture of what I had lost back then and slowly but surely I might be able to regather all of it. I formed another smile as I watched my raven shaking his legs to no longer be soaking wet.
“I am the one supposed to be thankful, Matthew.”
Matthew shook his head adding a:
“No biggie, boss. Will see you later.”
And with those words he jumped off the balcony, gliding over the Dreaming, which by now did not entirely appear like the Nightmare-Realm, majestically.
I inhaled deeply as I felt the warm air and tried keeping it inside of me for as long as possible until I exhaled in a sigh of relief which made me feel like my shoulders sank down to the very ground.
I needed to gather more of my pieces…I owe this to them, to my kingdom.
Notes:
Thanks for reading.
I tried to capture Matthew's 'loose' attitude, but I feel like I am too stiff for this. Next one will be Lucienne.
Chapter 3: Lucienne
Summary:
As the Dreaming continues to fall apart even if its king is around, Lucienne decides to ask Morpheus, whether he knows how damaging his behavior is for his own realm or not.
Notes:
it got long, that came out of nowhere...this whole 'let's change the wall-color'-thing, distracted me.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When you dream of hope, I will be gone
Lucienne
I was lying on my bed looking up to the ceiling reaching out my hand to change the colors of my room. Clouds of different formations touched the walls like sponges to dye them as I pleased, exploding to leave my walls resembling the sunrise. Soft pink dipped in purple, all in front of a sun-kissed red and shining gold of the slowly lowering afternoon sun. Looking at the image I have created almost made me feel the warmth it was supposed to represent, the one I intended to bring up to make my body regain some comfort, something to wrap up in, to give myself the opportunity to get touched by the sunlight I caused, only to hug my body without feeling the pain of being touched. I formed a fist to proudly collect my creation. The ceiling’s colors got sucked into my hand in a spiraling movement, like ripping apart a canvas leaving nothing but the grey walls it had before. The grey which reflected me so very well right now.
Grey – I wondered if it described my current mood. I do not know what it is that feels just not right, but clearly something was wrong. I am far from white and perhaps I have never even been close to mental stability – seconds, glimpses of what made me smile – of what made my whole body feel warm – I longed for the ability of holding on to these moments, but I fail, each and every day – I fail, as soon as I imagine myself happy, something happens which makes me crash down to the floor and keeps me chained there for as long as it takes to destroy every single shimmer of light which belonged to the positive memory. Lately it feels worse than the inexplainable pain which took over me as I had declined mother’s offer.
I feel so very powerless, as I do not seem to inherit the strength of leaving my bed anymore. I lay here and wait for something to make me feel anything. I lost the track of time since I decided to be in this room, was it an hour or a year, I could no longer tell. For what is this bed useful, I only seem to face the things I want to forget as soon as I lay my eyes to rest. I find myself locked up in my own realm, I see myself trapped, encaged, held captive by mere mortals, I hear Calliope’s words of grief and hatred, disgust, and anger as she told me her feelings about our son and yes, I see him as well and feel so very haunted. The King of dreams hunted by his own memories dressed as nightmares. What a sad sight.
I sighed as a quick firm knock caused me to sit up with a rushed movement, making my cloak slip down one shoulder, only to let myself sink back down into the soft sheets of my bed, as my strength appeared to vanish.
“My Lord, if I may?”
Without waiting for me to allow her to enter, Lucienne stepped into my room, raising an eyebrow as she pushed her glasses up her nose.
“On the behalf of the Dreaming, my Lord not to complain, but the staff as well as the subjects: we are more than worried. The last time you have left your room was the day Matthew asked you to clear up the sky so he could at least do his job. You might want to know that the clouds moved away for less than a couple of hours and Matthew had a hard time returning to the Dreaming, he was injured, therefore I thought it was about time you noticed that your brooding is actually hurting your realm and its subjects. The sky has not cleared for almost two months, nightmares are no longer only living in the nightmare realm, but the entire Dreaming. They are taking over. My Lord there are only a few beings left which still get to face a decent sleep. Do you want to talk about it? Did something happen? Matthew mentioned you did seem rather desperate. Surely this is nothing new to me and yet, I must agree, you have never neglected your realm by deciding not to leave your bed.”
I rolled on my side to make her face my back and mumbled into my pillow.
“I did not allow you to enter my room. You’re forgetting yourself.”
An annoyed sigh followed by footsteps which ended by Lucienne sitting down on the corner of my bed.
“And yet here I am . My Lord we both know very well that I can listen to you. We have done this before and whatever it is that may trouble you, I will be here for you. For the sake of the Dreaming, my Lord…”
A warm hand placed on my shoulder caused me to wince. Lucienne moved her thumb over my skin before letting go to tap on it with her index finger.
“Just know we’re here my Lord. You promised you were going to try…”
As she stood up and I heard the doorknob moving I sat back up to look at her.
“Wait!”
Lucienne turned around smiling at me, as I clumsily put myself back on my feet to place myself in front of her. I folded my arms raising my head a bit, poorly trying to make myself appear like the sovereign I am supposed to be, even though it felt like Lucienne played this part a lot better than I did, as she just chuckled pulling my cloak back over my shoulder with pointed fingers.
“If I may.”
I looked down and sighed.
“Lucienne, what happened to Matthew?”
“He will be fine. You might as well come with me to pay a visit? There are shadows lurking all across the realm, it is kind of complicated to set a foot somewhere without falling into a hole of darkness. Gladly it is easy to get out, and yet it is quite uncomfortable as the dreams told me.”
Turning around I made a couple of steps towards a window to face the sky of the Dreaming being nothing but grey. The same grey which covered my room. Fiddler’s green was barely able to be seen by the amount of dark fog drowning my realm into a resemblance of my well-being. I let my hand rest on the window, feeling my voice growing weak.
“I made this.”
“My Lord, it is worth mentioning you did not do this on purpose. Perhaps now that you notice what it does to your realm, you might…”
I turned around to look into her eyes which caused her to pause immediately.
“And what? Feel better all of a sudden? I cannot even protect my own realm from my own sorrow. Tell me Lucienne, what is a king if not a representative being to lend his subjects an image of capability, stability, safety. I do not give any of this to my subjects – in contrary, I put them in danger, because I fail to think of anyone but myself. Perhaps she was right, I am nothing but selfish.”
Lucienne forming a ‘no’ with her lips as not a single sound left her mouth. She rose her arm making a step toward me, clearly insecure whether the planned action was appropriate. When I made a step back responding to not being pleased by the thought of a hug or a caring touch this moment, she lowered her arms again.
“If you could just tell me what exactly it is that is troubling you this moment, maybe we could help?”
“And if you could just cling to your position in the palace, I would not need to repeat myself.”
Lucienne folded her arms, exhaling loudly to make me reconsider my words. I knew she did excellent work and took over my part whenever I felt unable to do so, which clearly seemed to happen more often than I wanted to lately, and yet, it is not up to her to ask questions of a personal matter.
“Clinging to my position? Excuse me Sir, but I have long since neglected my actual position as a librarian when it is me who needs to take care of the palace, the staff, the dreamers, as well your mental capability.”
“And who exactly told you to do so? I do not recall asking for your aid when it comes to my own health.”
“Pardon? Then who exactly is supposed to keep an eye on the realm while you keep brooding here in your bed for months creating shadows which tear your kingdom apart? I act for the sake of the Dreaming my Lord, if you are not well, so is the realm. Perhaps if you just give me a chance to understand what it is that causes all this ‘grey’ around here. Sir, is this about your captivity?”
I gulped, she was right, I was selfish, everyone appeared to be right, mother, the Corinthian, Lucienne, even Constantine, they all told me, I cared for nothing but myself and it appears they are correct. I felt my legs giving in by the thought of leaving everyone behind, neglecting my purpose and doubt the worth of my lost loyal servant.
Making a step backwards I moved my hand around one of my bed columns as I slowly slid down to my knees. My eyes started flickering and I could not even bare to look at Lucienne, so I kept my head lowered as I saw single dots of darkness appeared on the floor underneath me. I widened my eyes in terror imagining making Lucienne endure visiting a black hole as well. I moved my hand over the dots what only seemed to make them grow.
“No, no, not here…”, I said to myself.
Lucienne rushed to kneel right in front of me grabbing my hands as I laid them down on the floor.
“My Lord, you need to calm down. It is only going to be worse if you start panicking. Look into my eyes.”
I felt every breath weighing heavy on my chest before looking back up and right into Lucienne’s eyes who smiled with nothing but warmth and kindness in her eyes.
“See? You need to breathe. Everything’s alright. My Lord, please just allow me to help you.”
Crawling closer to me on her knees, she did not even bother to pass the shadow holes on the floor before opening her arms only to wrap me up in a tight hug. One hand on my back the other on the backside of my head, I felt her warmth to be comforting and it gave me a feeling of safety and secureness, until it didn’t. Until I felt it was just too close, like I had no space to breathe, like I was trapped, unable to leave, to act as I wished, like my freedom was taken away…
“Lucienne, do not touch me…”
She just shook her head and moved her thumb over the back of my head, as I tried moving out of the hug with as little strength as I felt like inheriting – but I failed, so I gave in to being held
“My Lord, we both know that this is exactly what you need right now. See?”
Pushing me a bit away she pointed on the floor
“The shadows, they have gone.”
I looked around myself to realize she was right. It was the moment of comfort which made them disappear. I sighed before looking back into her eyes
“Lucienne, why do I keep disappointing everyone? What is it that keeps me from healing? You have asked me if this was about my captivity, but to be honest, I do not know. I cannot tell you what it is that makes me feel weak and empty, but it appears I cannot overcome it by myself. I felt good when talking to Matthew, I felt good talking to you, but as soon as I turn around to listen to my very own thoughts, I am back to where I have started.”
“Sir, you do not have to overcome it yourself. You just said it, we are here around you all this time, but we cannot be there if you lock yourself up. Your feelings are neither a sign of weakness nor a burden to anyone of us, I can only speak for Matthew and myself, but we would be delighted if you shared your thoughts with us. And my Lord, do not even think about calling yourself selfish ever again. You are not.”
“And yet I drown my realm into sorrow by pitying myself.”
Sighing once more Lucienne took off her glasses a few seconds in order to rub her eyes.
“My Lord, let me tell you this much, you carry all of these emotions inside of yourself, you can hear the dreamers, you need to fulfill your duties by watching them, creating beings by giving away a huge part of yourself every time. You need to keep this kingdom alive even if you feel so very drained and I can see that, but Sir, I can see you are giving everything you can and you love your realm and its residents, this is why they have returned as soon as they heard you were back – they love you as much as you love them, mostly. My Lord, it must have been horrible to be trapped in the waking world for all those years, but do not lock yourself up into the Dreaming the same way. You are not a prisoner, this is your kingdom, you can do whatever you like, but my Lord, please just do something, anything…”
“And what might your advice be?”
“You could come to the throne room, recollect the shadows, visit Matthew and for a change do something you enjoy in order to distract yourself.”
Moving my hand through my hair I pushed myself up on my bed to slowly make my way towards the door.
“Very well. Bring me to Matthew then, I am afraid I need to apologize. I might pay a visit to my sister to talk about the shadows. The last time we met she helped me overcoming my sadness for quite some time, I hope it is going to work once more.”
Lucienne stood up to open the door in front of me smiling.
“Everyone will be delighted to see you, my Lord.”
Notes:
I love that I keep hearing Lucienne's voice whenever I write her lines. Occassionally I try to use phrases that sound similar to those heard in the series, so it is easier to imagine the actual actors saying it, was easy for Lucienne, since I already imagined it as soon as I used a 'Sir' or 'my Lord'...and that 'wait' came straight out of Hollow Crown ;) - sorry for keeping you so long. Death will be next - most likely on friday.
Chapter 4: Death
Summary:
Dream seeks answers about the shadows he creates by fear and sorrow by calling his sister, even though she leaves him with very little advice, Morpheus leaves the conversation confidently
Notes:
My apologies for updating this story ages later. It's a short one, I have neglected this fic a bit.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When you dream of hope, I will be gone
Death
After I had taken a couple of days to face my kingdom and the expanse of the destruction my careless brooding had caused, I needed to figure out a way on how to regain the control over the shadows that seemed to hunt my realm. Placing myself in front of Death’s ankh, I grabbed it with nothing but the mere hope of answers in my heart:
“My dear sister, I stand in my gallery and am holding your sigil. I need your help, your voice, your advice.”
“Dream, pleasure hearing from you. How can I help you?”
Death's head popped out of the free space in front of Morpheus.
“Could we meet?”
Smilingly she shook her head:
“Well of course. I’m rather busy, but it didn’t bother you the last time either, right?”
I closed my eyes to leave a responding nod before grabbing my sand to vanish into the place I felt Death’s presence. A lonely desert, nothing but light brown sand everywhere. The only contrast I found to the sand was the cloudless blue sky and the bright yellow of the burning sun making it barely possible to look up to the sky without one’s vision turning blurry. I took a couple of steps in order to look around myself finding literally anything but my own footprints. I walked towards a higher spot and stopped by the realization of a couple of humans making their way through the sand, almost crawling. Suddenly I felt a kind warm touch on my shoulder.
“You beat me. Can’t believe you’re here first. Well...sand..., it's a desert, you've got an advantage there.”
“How is it possible to feel your presence in a certain place if you have not yet arrived?”
Death sat down on the great pile of sand and tapped on it right next to her to imply I should take a seat beside her, which I did.
“One feels the spirit. It is like a shadow covering those who are to leave this place – their aura fading. On battlefields it’s often like a dark fog hugging the soldiers on the losing side…if there even is a winning or losing side in war.”
I knew exactly what she meant. No matter how warm her appearance and words might be, the feeling of your soul leaving the body is a process creating cold. We Endless feel more, we sense everything – almost, this was the entire point.
I wanted to tell her about me feeling crushed by the weight of feeling so very much – I felt the need of explaining to her my sorrow created shadows which continuously tears apart my kingdom to an expanse I have never let it happen before – at least not in my presence. I had the urge of letting her know the amount of pain lasting on me seems to suffocate me and yet I didn’t feel the need of saying a word, because as always it appeared my sister seemed to know every single thing already as she moved her hand on my shoulder.
“Tell me Dream, why are you surrounded by shadows? You smell like a deathwish.”
She laughed trying to make me understand it was meant an metaphorical exaggeration and yet it felt so very fitting as I lowered my head.
“Hmm, this is why I called you. My realm is falling apart even in my presence or – more because of it.”
“What is wrong then?”
Well, indeed, what was wrong? If only it was as easy to explain. I do crush underneath the weight of my memories. I do not dare to close my eyes as I feel haunted the second I do so.
“I am afraid I do not know. I just feel like I cannot get out of the cage I thought I had escaped already.”
Hearing a loud scream from one of the humans away I stood up to look at them.
“Oh god Marc, get up. Stay with us man.”
One of the men held an obviously unconscious other one in his arms yelling at him. I turned to Death who still sat next to me surprisingly calm.
“No, it’s not yet time. I will pick up all of them today, but it’s still taking a bit.”
As she pulled a bit on my coat I decided to give in and take a seat beside her once more.
“Dream, what is it you feel then? Is it still about your imprisonment? Those shadows you carry with you are a manifestation of your sorrow, aren’t they?”
“Everything feels draining. The last time I talked to you had let me feel a glimpse of joy, of hope and yet as soon as I had returned to my realm it got worse. The nightmares have taken over the entire realm and my fear seems to open black holes of shadows that devour everything in their way leaving nothing but bare darkness. The realm deserves steadiness, I cannot seem to give. My sister, I have considered to…”
Death stood up in an abrupt movement pointing her index finger at me, interrupting:
"No, no, no, don’t you dare saying a word now Dream. Did you lose it? You are doing an amazing job, we talked about this. Of course it is draining, of course it is hard and I cannot imagine what it had been like if I truly was the one they had captured and still, you need to pull yourself together.
Your subjects, the palace staff and especially the humans, they are counting on you. You’re drowning yourself in self-pity just because you do not talk to anyone about your feelings. You have been captured, you were hurt, you lost people dear to you, but life goes on, because we are needed. We need to be strong for them, and if you do feel like not being able to pull it off right now then get out there and find yourself a certain friend who will drown you in all of the hope and optimism he contains.”
“You mean I should take a break from my duty to…”
With an annoyed sigh, Death rubbed her temples:
“No, I do not mean you should neglect your purpose, I mean you need some time to recover your obvious trauma, so you should go out, find your friend and sit down until you feel better and if it does not get better, meet again with him or talk to someone who understands the pain of being held captive.”
“If I talked to her it might open up wounds I am not yet ready to show to anyone but myself.”
“Clearly you need to show those wounds to someone, so why not choosing someone who wears the same. This is the exact problem, you always keep everything to yourself, but you don't have to do this. Excuse me for a second.”
She walked down towards the group of men in order to take the hand of the one lying on the back and one who sat in a corner looking up to the sky. The burning midday sun leaving them with red sweat-soaked skin. They did not appear to be locals, so it seemed they were mere tourists that somehow underestimated the power of nature. As my sister opened up her wings to release the men to their further path, I thought.
How was I to describe my feeling best, despair – too farfetched; sadness – too superficial; emptiness – too melancholic – but somewhat fitting. I kept hearing people around me mentioning they are worried, I notice how everything I try seems to fail and yet I feel absolutely nothing, making me feel so very useless. It was like all I did, could have been done without me. In the middle of my thought, I barely noticed Death standing next to me. She grabbed my upper arm to make me stand up until I looked right into her face.
“You stupid idiot. You stay here, you hear me? Come here…”
Pulling me into a comforting hug I let my arms rest beside my body as she wrapped hers around me tight enough to make me feel as if I had a blanket wrapped around me. Her warmth flowed through my body giving me a breeze of life. I pulled a bit back to look into her face.
“I know what you did there. Breaking the rules once more?”
Letting the soft feeling of the first breath of life occupy my body like a flower blooming right inside me only to make their petals form a comforting shell that stabilizes this so very weak human form. Death smiled looking to the floor, before opening her eyes widely in order to look right into mine as if she could see my soul.
“For you always Dream. Take care.”
With those words said, she moved her hand over my shoulder. The second she let go of my arm I found myself in front of a university. Making a couple of steps around it I saw Hob Gadling leaning on a wall watching around the corner of the entrance to make sure nobody was able to see he was smoking. I walked towards him wondering, whether he could be the one finally making me realize everything was going to get better.
Notes:
Next will be our beloved Hob.
inmyfleabagera on Chapter 1 Fri 14 Oct 2022 05:37PM UTC
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SuccumbToFantasy on Chapter 1 Fri 14 Oct 2022 06:16PM UTC
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NightTears on Chapter 4 Tue 03 Jan 2023 10:49PM UTC
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SuccumbToFantasy on Chapter 4 Wed 04 Jan 2023 07:21AM UTC
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