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She didn’t know how long she had been sitting there, just staring at the broken shard of white crystal in her hand. She was vaguely aware that her hands felt damp and that something was stinging. She was vaguely aware of the dripping of water and the smell of rank dampness around her. She was vaguely aware of the symbol she was sat on and how it had shattered, leaving streams of glowing white Cuendillar all around her.

Cuendillar. It was meant to be unbreakable. Just like her. She was meant to die here, yes. She had planned to die here. Life or death, two mutually exclusive possible outcomes. She had never expected to find herself somewhere in the middle. She was meant to be snuffed out like a candle, that had been what she’d expected. She hadn’t expected to shatter into a million little tiny pieces, each piece still containing a part of her, all of the pieces demanding to be put back together somehow.

But how would she ever put herself back together now? She felt as broken and shattered as the Cuendillar scattered across the floor. It was there, present, real and tangible as she was but just as scattered and dismantled as she felt.

The Cuendillar. The symbol. She knew what it represented. The seal had been broken. She had been wrong. So so wrong.

She didn’t know what was worse- the fact that she’d just let twenty years of hard work walk away from her, believing wrongly that it was all over, or the fact that she would have to find Rand again, somehow, and let him know that there were still more challenges to come.

I guess I really am a Damodred, Moiraine contemplated miserably, I’m a fool and curse all wrapped up in one.

And to make matters even worse, she was a powerless fool, a powerless curse. What use would she be to Rand now? She couldn’t protect him. She didn’t even know where to guide him next. She had read the Karaethon cycle texts a billion times at least. She had searched for every different translation in existence and analysed them rigorously. But still she didn’t know for certain what she was meant to do now.

“He shall break the world again by his coming, tearing apart all ties that bind”. Presumably, that meant that all of the seals needed to be broken. But where were the other ones? Yes, the Amyrllin Seat was considered the Watcher of the Seals but the knowledge of their locations had been lost during the Trolloc wars.

The Amyrllin Seat… Siuan….

What on earth would she tell Siuan about all of this? They had said their last goodbyes. Promised to find each other in the next life.

Now, now she could go back to her. See her again. Moiraine wanted to feel happy, knew she should feel happy about the prospect but instead she felt hollow and empty. She wasn’t the same woman anymore. She wasn’t dead but she still felt like a part of her had died. Would Siuan still want her, given she was no longer her Moiraine?

Moiraine had never intended to survive this. Maybe she didn’t need to, Moiraine contemplated. Maybe she should just stay there and wait for the inevitable? She knew she needed to find Rand. But how? Maybe the only sensible option now was to give in.

They had drunk all of the water and eaten all of the food. She was exhausted. There was no way she’d be able to go back to Fal Dara by herself. Soon it would be dark too and what would come for her then? Trollocs? Forsaken? Maybe even the Dark One himself?

Lan had never told her about all of the monsters that lived in the Blight. Talking about the Blight was too painful for him. Reminded him too much of what he had lost.

Lan.

She thought she had been saving him. Doing him a favour. That with her gone, he would bond the Wisdom. He would be spared being torn between his duties and his love. He would be spared being forced to see Malkier, his childhood home, destroyed. She thought she had been making the right choice for him.

Forgive me, Lan. Moiraine thought. There she had failed too. If she had died, he could have mourned her and moved on. But she was alive- how was she meant to handle that? She had masked the bond and now she couldn’t reverse it. If she had died, at least she wouldn’t run the risk of being there to remind him of what he had lost all of the time.

I need to find Rand, Moiraine thought, to save the world. But if it were just about me, just my selfish choice, I’d chose to die here, I think. It would spare everyone so much pain.

Moiraine stared at the crystal in her hands contemplatively. Where now? Where next? She needed more answers.

Footsteps sounded behind her and Moiraine turned her head slowly in confusion. Was it Rand, coming back? No, why would he come back for her? He could channel the One Power, keep himself safe until he reached wherever he was meant to go next. Fear dissolves any blocks, Moiraine knew that only too well. Rand was a powerful channeller too, she couldn’t see his weaves but she had seen the man’s reaction. The man who had… Trollocs, Fades, they wouldn’t stand a chance against Rand here.

Maybe those monsters were coming for her now…

Or maybe it was…

Lan!

“You’re alive,” Lan said in disbelief, approaching her carefully and delicately as if he was afraid that she was mortally wounded. If only he knew…

He placed a hand gently on her cheek and an arm carefully around her shoulders.

“Where’s Rand?” Lan asked, worried.

Light! What could she say? It wasn’t just that she couldn’t lie to Lan, it was that she couldn’t ever imagine lying to him about something like this. But she had made a promise to Rand- and after all the ways she had failed him and all the ways she was likely to fail him again, it was the least she could do. No matter how useless it would be, given they would need to track him down again…

She shook her head, “He’s gone.”

She quickly turned her head away. If she looked Lan in the eye now, it would all be over. She would need to explain herself later. To Lan, to Egwene, to the Wisdom- who would likely blast her into the nearest wall when she became aware of everything that had transpired here… But for now, she couldn’t bring herself to say much more.

Lan nodded in solemn understanding, “Unmask the bond. Let me back in.”

Light! Moiraine felt tears fill her eyes. It was a reasonable request but she hadn’t anticipated him making that request so soon. She should have though. What was she to do?

“I can’t,” she replied, struggling to get the words out, “The Dark One. He…”

She closed her eyes, she had to stop the tears. She didn’t cry, she wasn’t meant to cry. She was meant to be an Aes Sedai. She was an Aes Sedai. She knew better. She was meant to be calm and strong. She was meant to be strong for everyone. She needed to be strong for Lan.

She looked him in the eye, “I can’t touch the Source.”

She felt herself crumble, a small groan of pain escaping her as she saw the horror on Lan’s face. She allowed him to cradle her head to his chest and cried as he stroked her hair gently.

How many times had she cried in front of him? She hadn’t cried when the Trolloc had stabbed her, she hadn’t cried when she’d been impaled by the handle of Steppin’s axe. But now she wept like she hadn’t wept since childhood. She didn’t try to be quiet. Instead she let out great gasping sobs. What was the use of maintaining Aes Sedai calm when she was no longer an Aes Sedai? What was the point of practising Daes Dae’mar if she had just ended up being a fool anyway? Letting the one person who could save the world slip away due to her own misunderstanding, due to her failure to carry out her job properly.

Around Lan she tried to never use Daes Dae’mar anyway, at least to not direct it towards him. Occasionally, they would scheme together, but those times were few and far between. Lan was the only person she trusted with her whole self. Now, she couldn’t even give him that anymore.

Lan stroked her hair, resting his chin on the top of her head and wrapping his other arm around her so that she was surrounded by him and felt protected.

She had lost so much and now she was forcing him to experience all of that loss too.

“I’m sorry,” Moiraine mumbled, “You were never meant to come here. To find me like this.”

Lan sighed, “I’m just happy you’re alive. We’ll find away to resolve the rest.”

Would they? Moiraine could feel the One Power at her fingertips but she couldn’t draw it towards her, couldn’t form it into weaves. The Dark One, he had done this to her. This wasn’t like being stilled by a sister, this was a whole new thing altogether. No, if stilling couldn’t be undone, then it was even more unlikely that they would find a way to fix this.

She lifted her head away from Lan’s shoulder, so that she could look at the crystal again. She blinked away tears as Lan reached for the crystal, taking it carefully from her. It was only then that she realised that her hands were covered in blood.

“It’s Cuendillar,” Moiraine said.

“I thought that heartstone couldn’t be scratched,” Lan said, examining the crystal, “That nothing, not even the One Power could…”

Moiraine’s face was creased with worry, “So did I.”

“What does it mean?”

“That this wasn’t the last battle. I fear it was the first.”

It had been three days since the Trollocs had attacked Fal Dara and Nynaeve had slept for no more than a couple of hours. Egwene had slept even less.

If anyone had asked, she would have blamed her snappiness on the lack of sleep. She was no Aes Sedai, she could lie. She would lie for Lan’s sake.

He didn’t need to know just how pissed off she was with Moiraine.

When Lan had returned to Fal Dara, Moiraine had been passed out in his arms, pale and bloodied. He had told her that Moiraine was injured and needed to rest. Possibly for a long while. That she wasn’t to be disturbed.

It had been three days since any of them had seen Moiraine. Other than Lan, that is, and the Aes Sedai showed no signs of leaving her room any time soon.

Nynaeve was struggling, stuck between her duty as a Wisdom to do what was right for her patients- letting Moiraine rest- and her duty to her friends- finding out what had happened to Rand.

Lan was meant to bring back Rand but all he had told her was that Rand was gone. Gone could mean anything. Gone didn’t mean dead, she kept trying to tell herself that. Moiraine had said he was gone, Moiraine was an Aes Sedai- an Aes Sedai might not be able to lie but they rarely, if ever, told the plain truth. Yes, the odds were not good- even if he had survived the Eye of the World, there was still the Blight to contend with- but she had to believe he was somehow still alive.

And when she found him, she was going to give him a piece of her mind for being such a wool-headed fool and going off and making everyone worry. He should have come to her and told her that he was the Dragon Reborn. Not gone to Moiraine. They were Two Rivers folk, they were meant to stick together. To trust each other first and foremost.

Not her.

Nynaeve finished her weave with a little more force than was called for. Her patient stared at her unblemished skin in shock. According to Moiraine, severe wounds often left a little scarring, that was normal and to be expected. Healing took a lot out of both the healer and the one receiving the healing, overdoing it could cause problems.

Moiraine. She should be here. Helping to heal the sick. Why wasn’t she? People had asked for her. People had seen her distinctive blue clothes. They had stood out against the greys, browns and blacks that the Fal Darans preferred to wear. They knew what she was. Now they wondered why she wasn’t helping them. She had heard people mutter about the Aes Sedai, rumours circulating around the makeshift hospital. She had been forced to take Egwene aside a good few times to prevent her saying something she might regret later…

Moiraine had her reasons for not being here and Nynaeve hoped they were good ones.

“When do you think she’ll be better?” Egwene asked worriedly as she moved to Nynaeve’s side, “I tried to bring her soup for supper yesterday but Lan said she isn’t eating.”

Nynaeve sighed, she knew that the Aes Sedai’s appetite was atrocious. They all did. Moiraine tried to mask it, of course. She would make comments about how growing youths needed more than she did or how they all needed their strength. But Nynaeve saw right through all of that, she saw the ways that Lan had to sometimes plead with Moiraine like one might plead with a petulant toddler. Still, three days without food was a bit much, even for Moiraine.

“I’ll visit her tonight,” Nynaeve said. She wanted her answers- about Moiraine’s injuries, about why the Aes Sedai wasn’t here helping, about Rand.

“Lan won’t let anyone into her room,” Egwene said, “He’s barely left her side since they arrived back from the Eye. Nynaeve, do you think she’s dying?”

Nynaeve sighed. She knew Moiraine had taught Egwene to channel the One Power but it had been her who had taught Egwene how to listen to the wind, it was her who had taught Egwene how to channel for the first time. Egwene was kind-hearted to a fault but her hero-worshipping of Moiraine was painful to watch.

“I won’t let her die,” Nynaeve said, “I’ll go to her tonight. I’ll force Lan to let me see her.”

Lan might have experience dealing with stubborn women, Nynaeve thought, but she could make Moiraine look like a wallflower if she needed to.

Someone cleared their throat and Nynaeve and Egwene turned to face the stranger.

A woman stood before them, dressed in yellow. Nynaeve spotted the ring on her finger. A member of the Yellow Ajah. Where had she come from? Amelisa had asked for every channeller to join her and, other than the Egwene and herself, they had all died. Why hadn’t this sister supported them? Had she been in Fal Dara at the time of the siege? If not, how did she get here? The last Nynaeve had heard, the gates were still closed to outsiders.

“Are you Moiraine Sedai’s two?” the woman asked.

Nynaeve sighed, she hated being viewed as little more than Moiraine’s pet, “No, I am Nynaeve al'Meara and this is Egwene al'Vere.”

“Yes, we’re Moiraine’s two,” Egwene said with a smile.

The woman nodded in understanding, “The Amyrllin wishes to speak to you.”

Flaming fish guts! Siuan yelled internally as she tried to exit the carriage. She was going to fire her seamstress!

Siuan tried to walk down the steps carefully, narrowly avoiding hitting the monstrosity of a hat on the door-frame of the carriage. When she took the role of Amyrllin, she knew she’d be forced to wear some gaudy outfits but this was just taking the piss.

“Laugh and I’ll gut you,” Siuan warned her friend in a hushed tone.

Alanna stifled a giggle but she was sure she could see Maksim smirking.

Skin me and salt me if I don’t have to wear a flaming beehive on my head, Siuan thought. At least Liandrin wasn’t here. The only thing that could make this whole affair any worse was the presence of a red.

“Welcome to Fal Dara, Lady Amyrllin,” a young woman- a girl more than a woman really- greeted her nervously. Siuan tried to not stare at the bloodstains on her apron, “We have prepared rooms for you in the royal quarters.”

“Thank you,” Siuan said as she followed the girl. All this pomp and ceremony- and for what? She’d be spending the next few hours tending to the wounded and listening to endless drivel from entitled bratty lords about who should inherit Aegelmar’s throne. Light, she had never had the patience to deal with all of that.

Not like Moiraine.

Moiraine. Siuan felt a bolt of pain go through her. She had been travelling to the Eye of the World, intending to take the Dragon Reborn with her to defeat the Dark One. Had she survived? They knew the prophecies but Siuan had to hope somehow that she had managed to survive.

“Alanna, please send someone to find Moiraine’s girls,” Siuan began, “I wish to speak with them.”
Yes, that could help. Moiraine thought Egwene might be the Dragon Reborn, but Siuan had heard rumours that the girls had stayed and fought for Fal Dara.

It was one of the boys then. Not Mat Cauthorn, obviously- given the reds had been sent to deal with him at Moiraine’s behest. The quiet one- maybe. The red haired one- Rand. Light, she hoped for Moiraine’s sake that that grizzly urchin wasn’t the Dragon Reborn. Moiraine had told her about their travels- how Rand had been difficult and argumentative, the hardest to deal with. He had even pulled a sword on her once, though Moiraine had not been phased by the “threat”, given the poor boy didn’t even know how to hold it properly…

Light, I hope it isn’t the red haired boy, Siuan thought, and I hope Moiraine is still alive somehow.

“I’ll send someone right away,” Alanna said, giving Siuan a sad smile.

Of course, Alanna had never fully bought the lie. How could she? She had been in the same novice classes as Moiraine and Siuan. When Siuan found out that she would become the Amyrllin, the two had needed to shake off any suspicion of them working together.

It had been Moiraine’s plan. Cold but simple. Everyone knew they had been pillow friends as students. All they had to do was insinuate that Moiraine was cheating on her with Lan. That Moiraine had broken her heart by choosing Lan over her. Jaded lovers- who would question it? A few harsh insults- a few jibes about each others’ childhoods and families- and no one questioned anything. Their loud and public breakup had been the talk of the tower for months. No one questioned the “difficult” relationship that the two of them pretended to have now.

No one except for Alanna, of course, though she never said anything out loud. Alanna was the only one who couldn’t just accept the official narrative unquestioningly. On the one hand, she believed Siuan to be a threat to Moiraine, her enemy. But on the other hand, she knew that Siuan still cared for her.

Maybe we should just give up when it comes to Alanna, Siuan thought for not the first time, it wasn’t like she would go spilling their secret to everyone. And maybe Moiraine had been right about getting other sisters involved- they just had to be choosy. Alanna wouldn’t say anything that could cause them to be stilled. And the Dragon Reborn needed to surround himself with fighters. Who better than Alanna- a green who had dedicated her life to protecting the Dragon Reborn during the last battle?

Siuan pondered the idea. Maybe, if Moiraine was alive somehow, she might discuss the idea with her later.

Siuan walked through the corridors of the royal quarters as gracefully as possible, ducking every time a low ceiling beam threatened to knock the beehive off her head. What was so wrong with her wearing Tearen clothing? It was simple and practical, at least.

“Here are your rooms, my lady,” the girl said, opening a door. Siuan was about to enter the room when she noticed someone moving further down the corridor.

No, it couldn’t be…

“Excuse me,” Siuan said, “I’ll only be a moment.”

The young woman, gave her a puzzled look.

“Is that?” Alanna began.

“A’Lan Mandragoran,” Siuan began, “I hope you have a good explanation for why you are in Fal Dara.”

Stilled? Shielded? She couldn’t touch the One Power, couldn’t touch the Source.

That’s what Lan had said.

The Dark One harmed Moiraine in the worst way imaginable.

All the years of hiding, keeping secrets. All of the stolen nights they’d spent together, afraid of what would happen if they were caught. Afraid of being stilled. It had all been for nothing- they had been so careful and still Moiraine had been hurt.

Siuan took a deep breath and brushed away her tears quickly. She knew Moiraine would only feel guilty if she saw her upset.

“How is she coping?” Siuan asked tentatively. She had a feeling she already knew the answer but was hoping, somehow, that Lan would tell her something different.

“She’s either manic or catatonic,” Lan said with a heavy sigh, “Sometimes she spends hours reading the prophecies, trying to find out where Rand might be- completely absorbed in her work, regardless of whether it is day or night. Other times she’ll refuse to get out of bed, she’ll just stare at the wall. She’s not sleeping well. She’s slept maybe one hour a night and she wakes up screaming. I’ve pretty much given up trying to get her to eat. I can just about force water into her but I hate having to do that to her. Washing, hygiene, if I prompt her I can just about get her to do the bare minimum. She’s a shadow of herself, Siuan. I don’t know what to do. She won’t tell me how she feels, I have to try to guess but she’s been pushing me away. I’ve never felt so distant from her.”

Siuan nodded in understanding. Moiraine always pushed people away when she felt vulnerable.

“And how are you coping?” Siuan asked. Lan had lost a lot too. She worried for him. Yes, Moiraine was still alive but he couldn’t feel her. No one knew what it was like for a warder to experience his Aes Sedai being stilled. The last thing any of them needed was for Lan to end up like Steppin.

Lan sighed heavily again, “I manage. I’m more worried for her than myself. I can remind myself she’s still alive, I can see her, hold her. It feels odd, wrong. I’m used to have her thoughts and feelings inside my head. But at least I can still hold on a little bit to what I had- she’s gone in some ways but not gone entirely. At least I have that, whereas she’s lost everything. The main difference is communicating. It feels off- having to communicate with her verbally. We’ve just never really had to do that.”

Siuan smiled, recalling a time when Lan and Moiraine had been having one of their silent conversations and she’d had to lob a bread roll at Lan’s head to get them to realise she was still in the room.

“Where is she now?” Siuan asked, “Have you managed to get her to rest?”

Lan shook his head, “She wanted a bath.”

Siuan felt panic flood through her, “And you let her take a bath alone? When she’s… like this?”

“She ordered me out of the room,” Lan admitted.

Fish guts! Siuan screamed internally. Moiraine had never ordered Lan to sit outside her room. Those two were so close that most of the warders didn’t believe that they were just good friends. A lot of the Aes Sedai didn’t believe that either.

Moiraine had told her before about how peeved she was that whenever she entered an inn, the staff always presumed that she and Lan would be sharing a bed. Siuan had gently reminded Moiraine, that not only had she admitted once that Lan and her would often fall asleep cuddling after her nightmares but that Moiraine had also admitted that they often shared baths too.
This change in Moiraine’s behaviour was concerning. Siuan didn’t like the idea of Moiraine being left alone near bodies of water.

“I want to see her,” Siuan said.

“I’ll go help her get ready,” Lan replied, walking towards a set of shut doors.

Siuan followed him, moving past him and pushing the doors open, “I’ll help her.”

She’d be damned if she let Moiraine push her away too.

Siuan walked into the room, leaving her beehive hat on a nearby table. Whilst she would do anything to hear Moiraine laugh, that hat was the most impractical piece of clothing she had ever owned, there was no way she could help Moiraine whilst wearing that thing.

Moiraine…

Siuan looked over at the bath.

Moiraine was staring off into space, crying noiselessly.

Light! She looked so pale and gaunt. And cold too. Siuan could see that she was shivering and that her skin had taken on a slightly bluish tone.

How long she had been in there? Siuan looked at the bath. Moiraine usually liked to heat the water to the point where it was steaming. Siuan quickly crafted a weave and moments later steam rose from the water. She thought she could just about hear Moiraine letting out a sigh.

“You have a guest, Moiraine,” Lan said but his Aes Sedai didn’t turn to look at him.

“I said I wanted to be left alone,” Moiraine replied.

“Are you sure about that?” Siuan asked and she watched as Moiraine tried to turn around but struggled to.

“Siuan?” Moiraine asked, frowning, “What are you doing here?”

“The eyes and ears alerted several members of the Blue Ajah that Trollocs had attacked Fal Dara,” Siuan said, “King Aegelmar died during the battle- so there’s the issue of who will be his successor. The tower was also asked to send any sisters they could spare to help heal the wounded. Given the severity of the situation, I thought I could justify travelling to Fal Dara myself. I thought I would be able to get away with it.”

Moiraine gave her a sad smile.

“Lan explained everything to me,” Siuan said, moving to sit next the bath and taking one of Moiraine’s hands in her own.

Light, she was cold. Siuan noticed the deep cut across the palm of hand too and gave Lan a quizzical and concerned look.

He shook his head. Well, at least that was good news.

Moiraine shuddered, before sniffing delicately and using her free hand to wipe away her tears, “I need to find Rand again. I was wrong. It wasn’t the last battle. I let him go but we’ll need to bring him back. Light! I’ve really ruined their lives, haven’t I? Rand, Egwene, Perrin, Mat, Nynaeve- I thought it would be simple. Bring them to Tar Valon. Help the Dragon Reborn defeat the Dark One. Now I know nothing and can do nothing. And I’ve lost the one person who can ensure the Dark One’s defeated.”

Rand, Siuan thought, so he’s the Dragon Reborn. She pitied Moiraine and Lan. If Egwene had been the Dragon, everything would have been so much easier.

“Moiraine,” Siuan began, “We’ll find him again. You have eyes and ears everywhere. It won’t be difficult for them to track someone who has bright red hair.”

Moiraine nodded, “I hope so. But I’m not sure what I’ll say to him. I thought it was all over. Now I have to drag him back into all of this again. And to make matters worse, I have nothing to offer him. Without the One Power, I’m useless.”

Siuan shook her head furiously, “No, you’re not useless. Don’t ever think that. Don’t ever say that.”

Moiraine sobbed, “Without the One Power, who I am? What am I supposed to do? I’ve been able to channel since I was fourteen, Siuan. I can barely remember who I was before then. It’s only going to be a matter of time before everyone finds out- not just the children from the Two Rivers- if our sisters find out, if my family finds out…I can’t go back there, I won’t.”

“The other sisters don’t need to be told anything,” Siuan reassured her, “As far as they are concerned, you’ve been exiled. The ones who’ve come with me to Fal Dara believe I am investigating your activities here. They are expecting me to spend a large portion of my time here subjecting you to harsh questioning. And as for that family of yours- if you can even call it that- I’ll never order you to go to Cairhien, you know that.”

Moiraine shook her head, sobbing again, “They’ll find out somehow. I know they will and then they’ll force me to become queen and get married. I’m only in my forties. They’ll force me to marry and have children- likely with some abusive, horrible man just like T-, just like him. I’ll never be able to see you or Lan again…”

Siuan squeezed Moiraine’s hand gently, “No one outside these walls needs to know what has happened.”

“The children from the Two Rivers,” Moiraine began, “They’ll find out. I won’t be able to keep it from them.”

Siuan sighed. Nynaeve was too perceptive for her own good, she would know something was wrong with Moiraine’s ability to channel before long. Perrin and Egwene could be kept in the dark potentially but Nynaeve would likely end up telling her theories anyway. And they weren’t exactly discreet. They couldn’t be trusted to keep Moiraine’s secrets- not because they were likely to do anything malicious but because they were not used to treading and speaking carefully.

“You know Nynaeve will find out at least,” Moiraine continued, “I know she’s never trusted me. She’s probably angry at me for not helping with the wounded. She probably thinks I am responsible for Rand’s death in some way too…”

“She doesn’t think that,” Lan said quickly, “I’ve told the children you are sick and that you aren’t to be disturbed. Egwene and Perrin are worried but suspect nothing. Nynaeve wants to just help if at all possible but…”

“It isn’t possible,” Moiraine said solemnly, “I doubt this can be fixed.”

Moiraine examined her hands miserably before letting out a loud sob, “I can feel it there. The One Power but no matter what I do, I can’t use it, it’s out of reach. The Dark One cut me off, there’s no way back for me now.”

Siuan frowned, “That doesn’t sound like stilling. At least not from what I’ve been heard. With stilling, you are not supposed to feel any connection to the One Power at all. Moiraine? Did the Dark One do anything- any gestures or any words when he?”

“I don’t know,” Moiraine said panicked, “I summoned the One Power and used the dagger weave- you know the one. I sent the it towards him but then he turned it back on me, until it created a web over me and it hurt so much….Then he moved his hand in some way and I could see the One Power, see the strands of it, they must have come from me… It felt like I was being suffocated… he was laughing…taunting me…”

Moiraine started to hyperventilate.

Lan knelt beside her, gently placing a hand on her shoulder, “Moiraine, you’re here, it’s me, Lan, you’re safe, you’re not there anymore.”

Moiraine looked at him with panicked eyes, shaking her head, “I’m not safe, I’ll never be safe. You don’t understand, the one thing that freed me from evil men, the one thing that helped me me get away from Cairhien, that helped me live any kind of life was the One Power…I’ll never be safe again.”

“For Light’s sake, Moiraine,” Siuan said, taking both her hands in hers, “I’ve already told you you don’t have to go back to Cairhien, you’re safe. Lan and I will protect you. They can’t get to you. They never will be able to do that.”

Siuan frowned, pondering everything she had just heard from Moiraine. It didn’t sound like stilling…

“Lan,” Siuan began, “You mentioned earlier that the battle at the Eye of the World wasn’t the last battle. That Rand’s use of the One Power broke the seal. Yes?”

Lan nodded, “Yes, the heartstone was shattered. When I found Moiraine she was holding it, examining it.”

“He shall break the world again by his coming, tearing apart all ties that bind,” Moiraine said, “I think that means that Rand will need to break all of the seals. I thought just defeating the Dark One at the Eye of the World, at the Dark One’s prison would be enough to fulfill that line of the prophecy. I don’t know. I guess I was wrong. But I don’t think we lost the battle. The Trollocs left Fal Dara after Rand broke the seal. If we had lost and released the Dark One from his prison, we’d know about it. I’m not sure where the other seals might be? I know you’re technically the Watcher of the Seals but the knowledge of where they are has been lost since the Trolloc Wars.”

“Moiraine,” Siuan began, “What did the Dark One look like?”

“A man,” Moiraine said frowning, “Middle aged with dark hair. Wearing a suit. Why? Does it matter?”

Was it possible? Siuan wondered. Was it possible that for once she might know more than Moiraine?

“The Dark One is sometimes referred to by the name Ba'alzamon,” Siuan began, “However, I have also heard of another individual going by that name. My eyes and ears have infiltrated darkfriends networks. From what I understand, one of the Forsaken, Ishamael, may have been using that name and claiming to be the Dark One. The descriptions match. Moiraine, I’m not convinced that you faced the Dark One at the Eye of the World and I don’t think you were stilled, just shielded.”

Moiraine gave Siuan a puzzled and confused look, “I don’t understand.”

“If we had really lost,” Siuan began, “If the Dark One had really been released, would the world be so calm right now?”

Moiraine shook her head.
“Well, we know the Dark One hasn’t won. And we know the Eye of the World wasn’t the Last Battle-so the Dark One hasn’t been defeated either. So, whatever was released at the Eye of the World, wasn’t the Dark One. A forsaken seems most likely. And from your description, it sounds like Ishamael.”

“The Father of Lies,” Lan began, “And of course he would lie about cutting you off from the One Power.”

Moiraine nodded contemplatively, “I guess so. We didn’t defeat the Dark One. We set his strongest lieutenant free. I need to find Rand. I need to make things right.”

Siuan nodded, “I’ll get my eyes and ears to look out for him. Did he mention anything about where he was going?”

Moiraine shook her head, “No, he ignored my question. Just told me goodbye.”

“Fish guts!” Siuan cursed, “It really had to be him.”

Moiraine smiled sadly, “He thought it was Egwene too.”

“We all did,” Siuan replied, “She’ll do well at the tower. I doubt she’ll spend long in white. Might even take less time to gain the shawl than us.”

Moiraine nodded, “She’s strong. Please keep her away from Elaida though. You know how she goes after the strong ones.”

Siuan nodded, Egwene was too sweet to cope with someone like Elaida.

“And Nynaeve,” Siuan said, “She needs to be trained.”

Lan sighed heavily.

Siuan smiled sadly. Moiraine had mentioned about the relationship between the Warder and the Wisdom during their night in Tear. She knew how hard it would be for him to be separated from the woman he loved.

“Moiraine is exiled from the tower,” Siuan said, “But not from Tar Valon. And you were not exiled from the Tower yourself, Lan.”

“Don’t the rules prevent men from having contact with the novices?” Lan replied.

“The rules discourage fraternisation because we don’t want our girls concerning themselves with relationships and having families,” Siuan replied, “Not because we hate men. And the rules are not air-tight, Lan. Light knows how many times Alanna was caught after last bell ogling the Warders.”

Moiraine smiled.

“We’ll find a workaround,” Moiraine said to Lan, with a smile, “I might even start taking holidays at our city apartment.”

Lan smiled, “You? Holidays? I’ll have to see it to believe it.”

Siuan laughed. She doubted Moiraine had taken a holiday in twenty years.

“Moiraine,” Siuan began gently, “If Ishamael was the one who shielded you, if it is just a shield. Well, Logain broke out of the shield that was held on him- a shield made by three Aes Sedai directed towards a male channeler. I’m think we may be able to remove the shield placed on you.”
Moiraine sighed, “I don’t have anywhere near the same power as Logain.”

Siuan nodded, sadly that was true, “We’ll need help. Resources, books. I’ll ask the Brown Ajah for some help- discreetly, of course. There has to be a book on this somewhere in Tar Valon’s library.”

Moiraine smiled, “You could un-exile me and I’d probably be able to find one quicker.”

Siuan giggled, “No doubt you could. But we need to tread carefully for now. If you return to the tower, Maigan will force you to stay there- she’s gone west and needs someone to cover her work. You won’t be able to find Rand if you’re spending all day managing paperwork.”

Moiraine sighed.

“I know,” Siuan said, “I want you to come home too.”

“Do you think there’ll be something in the books that can help me?” Moiraine asked.

Siuan nodded, “But you might be right about getting other sisters- and even other channelers- involved. Nynaeve is a powerful channeler, a Wisdom- her first use of the One Power cured the dying. And I doubt she’d be unwilling to help if she knew that helping you would help us find Rand. Alanna could help too- sure she’s no Nynaeve, but she’s our friend, the only reason we didn’t involve her in our search for the Dragon Reborn is because Tamara swore us to secrecy. And she’s always been doubtful of the official story about us…”

Moiraine nodded, “I think we can trust Alanna with our secrets.”

“With our combined efforts, it could be possible” Siuan began, then paused with a heavy sigh, “But we need to know what we are dealing with.”

Moiraine winced, “Delving?”

Siuan nodded, “Sorry. But it’s the only way to find out for sure.”

Moiraine sighed, “Ok. Do it.”

Siuan carefully placed her hands on Moiraine’s head, whilst Lan took one of Moiraine’s hands.

“It’ll be ok,” Lan reassured her, “Just focus on me.”

Siuan sighed, she hated doing this and with Moiraine it was particularly awful. Delving exposed everything- all illnesses and injuries, all ailments, both mental and physical. It could tell someone what was troubling that individual- and Moiraine hated feeling that vulnerable.

I need to stay with her tonight, Siuan thought. She’s already delicate, having everything put on full view might be too much for Moiraine to handle by herself.

Besides it would do Lan a lot of good to finally get a good night’s sleep as well.

Siuan released the One Power towards Moiraine and gently started to search for anything that was off. The first few signs were obvious- Siuan sent healing energy towards Moiraine’s hands, healing the cuts, she also sent energy to deal with the headache that had been caused by stress and exhaustion. Next she sent a few weaves to deal with general aches and pains and a few days old sprained ankle that from the looks of things Moiraine hadn’t been resting and had been walking on. Light! Would she ever just look after herself for once?

Siuan delved deeper, sending calming energies towards her friend to replace the uncertainty, misery and restlessness which seemed to consume her. But Siuan was happy to find a glimmer of hope and excitement amongst Moiraine’s emotions. She was excited at the prospect of getting her access to the One Power back.

Siuan went deeper still until she slammed into something dark.

Pain shot through her from the impact against the psychic wall. It was a dark mass but behind she could feel light. The One Power- all of it pushed up against the wall, trying to break it down but unable to. The spark was most certainly still a part of Moiraine and she hadn’t lost any of her strength. If she could dissolve the wall…

Siuan tried sending a weave towards it but whilst it seemed to weaken around it, it morphed and deflected the weave back at her with a stinging pain…

She pulled more of the One Power towards herself, she’d be damned if she let a pesky wall defeat her. She knew how shielding worked. Enough power, enough patience and even a tied-off shield could be broken through.

Siuan hurled her power at the wall.

A hole formed in it and a few strands of the One Power slipped through.

“I can feel it!”

Then the wall slammed back hard.

Moiraine screamed.

Instantly, Siuan dropped the One Power.

“It hurts,” Moiraine sobbed, “It hurts so much.”

“It’s ok, I won’t do it again,” Siuan said, pulling Moiraine gently towards her, so that her head was resting on her shoulder.

Lan gave her a concerned look, “What’s happening to her?”

“It’s a shield,” Siuan confirmed, “She’s not stilled. That’s why she could feel the One Power when I punched a hole through the shield for a second… I’m not strong enough to break it by myself. We’ll need to involve other sisters. We might need the power of a full circle of Aes Sedai.”

“No, no,” Moiraine replied, scared, “We can’t risk it. There must be some other way. You can break through a shield if you have enough patience or pain tolerance. I can try. I can try to fight it.”

Siuan shook her head, “No, Moiraine. You’ll just hurt yourself. This isn’t like getting around blocks. And I’m not going to let you torture yourself. We’ll find out more about this type of shield and then we’ll get a group of sisters together- ones we can trust.”

Moiraine sobbed, “I don’t care about how much it hurts. I can do it. I can force myself. I will.”

“No, you won’t!” Siuan said fiercely, “You need to let us help you.”

“You can’t do this by yourself, Moiraine,” Lan echoed, “You can’t just keep pushing us away.”

Moiraine sobbed, “So what now?”

“First, we go to Tar Valon,” Siuan said, “And once you are cured, we’ll find Rand.”