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English
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Published:
2022-10-18
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2,310
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1/1
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38
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532
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Kleptomania

Summary:

||What if...Marinette didn't have time for long plans when the answer was clearly pick pocketing the whole time!!!||

Notes:

Just some 3am what if...

Work Text:

“I didn’t ask you for a keychain!” Monarch yelled at the Kwamis. “I wanted you to take me to the guardian!

Marinette was boiling inside. How could this man speak to the Kwamis this way? They were sweet innocent creatures who didn’t deserve this hate as they all huddled behind Sass.

“Yes, that’s what we’re doing, Monarch,” pleaded Sass.

An idea formed in her head, watching the back of her arch nemesis in her bedroom. Clearly he didn’t suspect her at all of being Ladybug or he wouldn’t turn his back on her, but here he was yelling at the Kwamis and paying her no attention, so she tucked the key and charm half out of her sleep shirt.

“Ladybug is always careful!” Roaar chimed in. “We don’t know her address!” 

That’s right guys, all according to plan, she tried not to grin incase that Monarch decided to turn around. Though I might be able to speed some things up a little here. 

“So in case we’d get lost,” squeaked Baark. “She created a little treasure hunt to help us find where she lives!” 

How the heck is this even working, oh my god! She cracked her neck, swinging her head from side to side, while shaking out her hands and flexing her fingers, getting them loose. Alright, Marinette. Just like Fei taught you. He’ll never feel a thing.

She nimbly reached up on the back of his head and slipped the Bee Miraculous from the back of his head. Then she flipped the Monkey Miraculous off, quickly shoving them both into her pajama pants. He didn’t react, too busy engrossed in what Daizzi was telling him so she reached up on her tiptoes and gently grabbed the Goat Miraculous from the sides of his ugly hair as it followed its brethren. 

“And the first clue was to follow the smell of croissants!” she squealed. 

She went for the backs of the necklaces he was wearing, one by one she released the Miraculous of the Dragon, Mouse, and Fox. So tacky to wear three hanging necklaces , she rolled her eyes. One by one they fell as she caught each of them with a swiftness from between his legs and shoved them into her pajama pants as well. She twisted the Dog Miraculous to face her, the opening in the front of Monarch’s neck, and slipped it off as well. 

“Isn’t this so much fun!?” cried Xuppu.

He straightened up more and she quickly grabbed the key again. She really hoped her face wasn’t red, and if it was, she hoped he would think that it was from fright. 

“You know where to find Ladybug?” he demanded, looking down on her. 

Ladybug. Right. She had a line here. 

“No! No, I mean, Ladybug gave me this when she gave me the Miraculous of the Mouse to give to the Kwami-” she held up the key to showcase the dangling charm. “Mullo! If she couldn’t pick it up, or if I got lost on the way, or if I was late…” Sometimes her clumsy self came in handy. “I’m so clumsy that there was a chance that actually might happen. So I get why she didn’t trust me that much and-” she trailed off and realized she needed to get back on track of what she was doing. 

Pick pocketing.

And for that, she needed him preoccupied. 

“Anyway, here you go!” she presented the key to him. “I got the key and I don’t know who Ladybug is or where she lives!” 

He stared at her hand for a moment before her door burst open and Alya walked in. 

“Hey! Your dad gave me these croissants-” Alya began. This was the wildcard in her current plan. 

“You!” Monarch seethed. “You know who Ladybug is!”

Without missing a beat, and holy shit was she glad that Alya was an adrenaline, adventure seeking junkie who just happened to be best friend’s with Ladybug, because she pulled up her phone and instantly started to live stream. 

“No, I don’t!” Her camera went up. “But now she’s going to know where you are!” she sing-songed. To her phone she excitedly began narrating, another really great distraction. “Listen guys! Mega-scoop!”

Marinette ducked down and unfastened the Pig Miraculous from his left ankle. She was really worried about that one because she knew Rose had just slipped it on, but it seemed that it had a magical clasp of some sort. 

“Live from Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s room! Monarch! Now that you have all the Miraculous, what do you think Ladybug is preparing?” Alya questioned the supervillain. 

**********

Meanwhile, at the Agreste Manor….

“Plagg, I’m bored!” whined Adrien. “I’m bored and I’m scared that Monarch is going to silently take over the city.

“Well, if he hasn’t yet, then maybe he won’t,” shrugged Plagg, eating his precious camembert. 

Suddenly, an alert went up on his phone and computer. Live stream from the Ladyblog . What was Alya doing streaming so late at night. He clicked a few buttons and the stream opened and it was of Marinette’s room. 

He sighed lovingly. Marinette .

“ Monarch, now that you have-”

He didn’t need to hear the rest. 

“Plagg! The love of my life is in trouble! Claws out!” He transformed and headed straight to Marinette’s house, calling and leaving a message for Ladybug on the way. 

*************

Back in the room…

“Or maybe she’s already following you?” Alya taunted, angering Monarch. 

He growled and walked over to her. Marinette worried for a moment but it seemed he only wanted to grab the phone and break it, throwing it to the ground. 

“Hey! That’s censorship!” Alya whined. 

Monarch came back over to her and grabbed the key out of her hand, held it up in the air, and  placed it into his palm. Taking his thumb, he pressed down on the ladybug charm, cracking it, and revealed a small slip of paper with a number on it. 

“Forty-two?” he asked no one in particular, before turning to the Kwamis, leaving his one hand dangling in front of her. She turned back to Alya and gave her a sign to stand down to which she lightly nodded in understanding. “What is this supposed to mean?” He addressed the Kwamis.

She slid the Chicken Miraculous from his thumb and along with it, the Turtle from around his wrist, shoving both of them in her pants. It was the most uncomfortable collection of accessories she’d ever have the pleasure of putting in uncomfortable places, but it was worth it. 

“So a number is a series of funny little symbols that are generally useless except for counting how many bananas I’d like for an evening snack!” Xuppu excitedly explained. She loved that little Kwami and he was gonna get more than forty-two bananas when she got them all back, because Monarch was so fed up with them it must be giving him a headache and he placed his now mircu-less hand at the bridge of his nose and his other hand was dangling under his elbow, out of his sight, as Xuppu explained.

Stealthily, she removed the Tiger and Snake from his wrist and fingers, adding to her collection, and stopped to access the situation. Three. She had three Miraculouses left to get. 

“And what is this?” he asked, clearly annoyed, but giving her time to formulate something in her head. 

“That’s the key that opens a locker at this place where you can slide on the top of a frozen pool!” Xuppu continued excitedly. 

That’s right, he’d be going to the ice rink next. That was the last piece she needed to formulate a plan. 

“Oh right!” Daizzi cut in happily. “The Guardian used to tell us about it all the time, she loves to go there!” 

All the Kwami gasped in shock, like they had let loose some well kept secret of hers…all according to plan. 

“The ice rink!” Monarch said greedily. “Nooroo, Kaalki, unify!” 

This was it, this was how she was about to defeat Monarch. In her pajamas, without her partner, though a sudden thud on her roof might mean she was not so partnerless, but he was clearly trying to wait for Ladybug and failing. She had one shot at this, she had to somehow get him to turn around after he opened the portal and she needed to grab three Miraculous. She could do this. 

“Voyage!” He punched his fist toward the wall and a blue portal came to him. 

“Wait there was something else!” she cried, trying to get him to turn around. 

He quarter turned and sneered at her, which wasn’t enough. She needed him fully turned. 

“What do you mean something…else?” Monarch growled. 

“She left you a note, if you were to ever find your way here!” she nervously laughed. “I can’t believe I almost forgot about it. I told you she doesn’t trust me much and-”

“Get on with it!” he yelled, making her flinch, though he did turn half way toward her. 

“Get em, Kitty!” she yelled and there he was, her loyal partner, her beloved Kitty, right by her side, staff at the ready as he vaulted off her bed, making Monarch turn fully toward them, exactly what she needed. 

Using the distraction to her advantage she closed the distance, reaching up and yanking the Horse Miraculous from his eyes, wide and in shock, the Ox Miraculous from his nose, and finally, after so long, the Butterfly from the middle of his torso. 

He screamed as he went to lunge for her, but Chat Noir was quicker, pulling her backwards as the purple light slightly blinded them and Gabriel Agreste was pushed backwards into the portal, knowing he’d land on the ice on the other side as the portal closed.

No one said anything for the longest time. 

And then the Kwamis started to cheer.

Nooroo was back. 

Marinette looked down to her hand, the Butterfly Miraculous nestled in her grasp, and all the Kwamis, except poor Duusu were saved. But that was just a case of capturing Felix, and with Gabriel Agreste just being pushed through a portal…a lot more things were becoming clearer in her head. 

“Marinette!” Alya screamed as she jumped on her, twirling her around. “That was amazing! How on Earth did you pull that off!?”

“Yeah…” Chat spoke quietly beside her. “I’d like to know that too. But uh, you two saw that, right? Monarch turning into G-gabriel Agreste?” He choked a little on his name. 

The mood in the room went from happy to somber in an instant. 

“Poor Adrien,” Marinette’s lip quivered, holding her folded hands to her chest. “He’s tried so hard to win his father’s stupid approval for it to all go up in smoke because his father is a supervillain,” she seethed the longer she thought about it. 

“Was, My Lady,” Chat gave a hollow chuckle. “He was a supervillain, and now he’s just a frozen fashion icon,” he joked. 

“You figured it out?” she smiled softly to him, reaching her fist out to him. 

“Well, it wasn’t that hard when Tikki came flying up out of the trap door to come get me,” he smiled, gesturing to the Ladybug Kwami in the group of huddled Kwami. “I’m letting Plagg join the fray, he’s dying right now. Claws in.” 

Her eyes went wide at Adrien Agreste standing in her bedroom. Was this what they called irony or was this one of those Star Wars moments? 

“Adrien,” she breathed, her fist still out for a fist bump. 

“Pound it, Marinette,” he winked, pounding his fist against hers, before pulling her in for a very big squeeze as he sniffled a bit before letting out full blown tears. 

“You guys better let me into this crazy love square bullshit cuddle puddle, I swear to god,” Alya sniffled from the side. 

Adrien opened his glassy eyes and held out his hand, bringing Alya in for the hug too, sandwiching Marinette between them. 

“If it weren’t for you, Alya, I would have never made it in time,” Adrien blubbered. “Thank you! Thank you!”

“And M says that my blog is dangerous,” Alya teased. 

“I stand by what I say,” she mumbled from her cuddle pile. 

“Now, as much as I would love to rejoice and hug,” Adrien sniffed, composing himself. “Something is poking me in spots I don’t want to be poked.” 

Marinette gasped. “The Miraculous!” She wiggled away from her friends’ grasps and without thinking dove her hands into her pants and started to take each Miraculous out, placing them on the chaise two at a time. She rushed to the floor where she dropped the Horse and Ox and picked those up and placed them with the others. 

The other two gawked at her spoils, shocked at how she got them. 

“I never knew you to be a klepto, Princess,” Adrien wettly-purred through some leftover tears. 

“He he…yeahhhhhh,” she began but was interrupted. 

“Oh you should ask her about her phone count,” Alya chuckled. 

“Alya! Not now! We do still need to get to the ice rink! And besides, when I was in Shanghai, I had Fei teach me a few slight of hand moves,” she harrumphed. “Now let's go!” 

She transformed into Pegabug and her, Chat Noir, and Rena Rouge walked through the portal into the ice rink to witness Gabriel slipping and sliding on the ice as Phillippe took pictures. 

“Is this poetic justice?” Chat leaned over to whisper in her ear. 

“I don’t know,” she whispered back. “But he will be brought to justice and you can live with me and my parents for the rest of your life.”

“I like the sound of that, but I’d much rather it just be the two of us,” he grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. 

“I’m doomed.”