Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She goes with the intention of making friends. 

Her dorm room has become her safe haven; a single she managed to swindle out of her university due to her wonderfully accurate diagnosis of anxiety, ironic really as it’s only aided in hiding her away since she arrived a few weeks ago. 

As much as she loves curling in bed with the overhead light switched off, fairy lights and salt lamp bathing her tiny room in a soft glow with her laptop balanced in her lap playing another pixar movie, she needs to make friends. 

Or at least try. 

Alina had seen the poster for the pride club hanging on a bulletin outside one of her lecture halls, figured it might be a good place to start, to meet people she knows for sure she at least has one thing in common with. 

Hi, I’m Alina, I’ve been saying I’m bisexual since I was fifteen but I’ve never actually had a partner before, barley managed to snag a first kiss. I didn’t have any friends in high school, let alone gay ones, but I promise I’m just like you, wanna hang out sometime? 

She keeps her head down as she walks across campus and berates herself internally for not picking a better outfit. Joggers and a thrifted victoria secret hoodie don’t exactly scream queer, but at least she was wearing vans, that had to help her case, right? 

They’re going to hate her. 

They’re going to know she’s a fraud and a liar and a freak. Even worse, they’ll realize how boring she is, how little eye contact she makes, point out the chewed away bits by her nails. Why would people in college be any different to the people in high school who hated her? 

She makes it to the door, but she can’t open it, instead walks away in resignation, sitting on the edge of a concrete alcove that surrounds the building. 

Alina sends her gaze towards the ground and watches as the checkers on her shoes begin to blur. She should’ve known better, should’ve known this would happen, that she really wasn’t meant to have friends. 

“Are you alright?” 

She wipes at her eyes with her sleeve and peers up, eyes casting down in embarrassment when she sees a boy she hadn't noticed standing near her, concern written all over a too beautiful face. 

“College can be… uh… hard,” he tries. “Do you like… want a cigarette?” 

The question takes her by surprise and she looks back up again, swallowing nervously. He’s tall, probably a full foot larger than she is even though he’s leaning against the wall. His short dark hair is a mess, curling around ears that are studded with jewelry, a matching set of larger black ones on his lobes. Gages, her mind helpfully supplies, something her mother said she was never allowed to get. 

She watches silently as he produces a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his gray and black flannel shirt, extending one towards her. 

“Oh,” she says. “I don’t—um, no thank you.” 

He shrugs and puts it to his own lips, lighter flickering, smoke puffing. 

“That’s probably for the best,” he says. “These things will kill you, sweetheart.” 

She tries to hold back her smile, doesn’t want him to think she’s laughing at him, but he returns it, and oh. 

There was a time in the third grade when she fell off the swings at the playground and one of the older boys came over to help her up. Her stomach had done a 180 and her cheeks felt like they were so hot she was worried she was going to melt right into the gravel. 

Alina was certain that at that moment, she would die. That her heart was going to stop or explode, that she was absolutely done for, overwhelmed with feelings she never had before. 

This is so much worse. 

“You’re really pretty when you blush,” he tells her. Surely he can't be talking to her; she’s never been called that in her life, wonders how someone as handsome as him could even think that. 

“I’m sorry—”

“Don’t be,” he interrupts. He takes another puff, eyes searching hers. “Do you wanna go to the dining hall? I’d kill for a milkshake right now. Ice cream always helps when I'm upset.” 

“Oh, um,” she startles. He wants to keep hanging out with her? He doesn’t think she’s weird for crying? Annoying? Horrible? She did come here to make friends after all, and his eyes look gentle, kind, like he truly wants her to join him, “Yeah, um, I like milkshakes.” 

“Cool, me too,” he replies. He holds out his hand, rings on nearly each one of his fingers, a tattoo curled under the cuff of his sleeve. She takes it, surprised when he doesn’t let go. 

She wonders if they can be friends. 

He tangles his fingers in between hers and feels her heart pound in her chest. 

Maybe they can be best friends. 

***

The dining hall always makes her nervous but there’s something about walking to a table hand-in-hand with someone as gorgeous as him that makes her feel… secure. Like maybe they’re looking at him and not her, or maybe they see them as a couple, like she’s someone worth having. 

He doesn’t leave her for a moment, helps her make a strawberry milkshake and she bites her tongue not to tease him for topping his chocolate milkshake with sprinkles, worried she could ruin the moment before it even properly began. 

“Good?” he asks when she sits down, taking a sip.

She nods her head and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“I’m Aleksander,” he tells her. 

“Alina.”

“Pretty,” he replies. She looks down at her milkshake to hide her blush only to watch Aleksander reach out and run one of his fingers against the backs of her knuckles where her hand is curled around her cup. “First year at college?” 

“Y-yeah.” 

“I’m a junior,” he supplies quietly, he continues to touch her gently and instead of feeling overly nervous, something inside of her starts to calm. She likes it. “I’ll get all the boring details out of the way: I’m majoring in English, I’m from Michigan, I’m an only child, a Scorpio, and I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up,” he finishes. She looks up and he smiles at her. “Your turn.” 

“I, uh, I’m majoring in sociology? And I’m, well, I guess I’m from Colorado but I grew up in Iowa. Lots of uh, you know, corn there,” she rambles. Aleksander doesn’t look tired of her yet so she continues on. “I’m an only child too and I kind of picture myself doing research? I don’t know, I like to read, I guess. Oh, and I’m a Gemini.” 

She takes a sip of her milkshake and he nods his head. 

“That’s cool,” he replies and she’s not sure it is, but she can’t help but believe him. “My friend told me that my moons in Gemini? I think. I don’t really know, I still don’t really get astrology.” 

“Me either, but my uh—my moons in Scorpio too,” she says, smiling slightly. “And it’s kind of fun though? Like our sun and moons match, that’s kind of cool cause it’s like opposites but also twins?” she swallows nervously then shakes her head, “Sorry, that’s— forget it, it’s stupid.” 

“No, I get it,” he assures. “I mean I don’t,” he laughs and she wonders how even a laugh could sound kind. “But don’t apologize, sweetheart. I like hearing what you have to say.” 

“Y-you do?” 

“Mhm,” he hums. “So like… were you going to pride club?” 

Alina’s eyes widen and her words get caught in her throat, thankful when he rushes to continue. 

“Because so was I,” he supplies. 

“Oh,” she breathes. “Yeah, um, I was, just couldn’t make it inside. It’s kind of embarrassing.” 

“It’s not embarrassing, baby,” he promises. If her heart could’ve burst through her rib cage it would’ve. Baby. Babybabybabybabybaby. “I’m kind of glad you didn’t make it in.” 

“Really?” 

“Course,” he says with a shrug. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t meet you tonight.” 

She’s sure she looks like a cross between a tomato and an owl with how red her skin must’ve turned and how large her eyes went. Alina has half a mind to hope it’s not a joke; if he’s teasing her for the sake of teasing she might have to just drop out of college entirely. 

He doesn’t seem like he’s making fun, and really what would he gain from it anyway? It’s not like there’s anyone around to see him pick on her. Maybe, just maybe— why is he staring at her mouth?

“Oh, do I have…” she mumbles, wiping at her face. He meets her eyes and this time it’s his cheeks that grow red, his throat that bobs nervously. 

Oh my god. 

Is he flirting with me?  

“You don’t,” he confirms. “Your um, your lips just look really soft and—” he looks down at where he’s still stroking the back of Alina’s hand, smiling to himself. “I keep trying to think of things to say but all I want to do is kiss you.” 

Definitely flirting. Maybe... but he couldn't be. There's no way— 

“I know we just met,” he continues, “but you’re so fucking pretty and you've got the nicest laugh and your hair looks really shiny and—”

“Okay.” 

His eyes snap back up to hers. 

“Okay?” he repeats slowly. 

“You can, um,” she stumbles. “I’d like that.” 

"Kiss you?" he confirms.

She nods, toes curling in her shoes under the table. 

“What if I want to do more than kiss you?” 

“M-more?” 

He nods. 

She should probably say no, her mother taught her better than to bring strangers into her space, but Aleksander is looking at her like no one’s ever looked before. She was used to wanting but to be on the other end of it is making her head spin so violently she allows herself to throw all her judgment out the window. 

“I live in a single.” 

The grin he gives her sends her stomach freefalling. 

Maybe they won’t be friends at all. 

***

He was going to stay in his apartment and smoke weed with Ivan tonight. 

He’s never been so relieved to ditch his friend. 

***

She’s going to die. 

Alina’s never been the “pretty girl”, she’s never been the girl people desire or flirt with or want. 

Aleksander acts like all he wants to do is touch her; holds her hand while they walk to her dorm, his elbow constantly knocking into hers, pulling her close by the chin to kiss her, her, the moment they’re behind closed doors. 

She wishes this was her first kiss. 

This one makes her hands tremble, it makes her shiver and want to cry all at once to know that someone as beautiful and kind as him wants someone like her this much. 

“I could kiss you forever,” he sighs. 

Yes, me too. 

You feel like what I’ve been missing my entire life. 

“Can we,” he starts, lips on her cheek, “move this,” another kiss to her neck that makes her begin to squirm, “to your bed, baby?” 

“Yes, please.” 

She’s surprised she can find her voice at all but needs him to know how much she wants this, him. 

“So polite,” he chuckles. 

Alina doesn’t have time to worry if he’s laughing at her, picked up all of a sudden and carried over to her small bed. She’s grateful she made it this morning, that he sits back on her fluffed up comforter, an inky black streak against pale pink. She's pulled into his lap and she goes all too willingly, legs bracketing his frame, his warm hands settled on her hips. 

“This okay?” he asks gently. 

This time her words are lost but she nods, nudging her nose against his before she initiates the kiss, shoulders losing their tension when he returns it with a pleased groan. 

His mouth pries hers open slightly in question and she answers by tentatively opening her own, her belly pooling with heat the second she feels his tongue. 

Something snaps in her, this need to be closer to him, her hands wandering along his chest, his neck, his face as she loses herself in each new kiss. 

She grinds against him, whimpering helplessly into his mouth while he licks against her tongue. 

She feels hot all over, hyper focused on his hands on her ass pushing under her joggers to palm the skin against her underwear, urging her forward. 

Alina can’t believe this is happening, she’s in a boy’s lap, kissing a boy, being kissed, and she wants more. Is starved for the affection and the warm callouses of his fingers, would gladly let him put them inside her, would even let him—

She grinds again and comes up short, realizes all at once that she’s the only one enjoying this and pulls away in embarrassment. 

“Baby,” he groans. “Baby, come back, what’s wrong? Do you want to stop? We can stop, sweetheart.” 

“No,” she whines, the tears pooling in the corner of her eyes. “I’m sorry you don’t like this, we can—”

“I don’t like this? ” he repeats. He pushes her hair from her face and kisses the apple of her cheek, her nose. “I want you so bad, you’re so— you’re perfect, Alina. I promise. I mean, fuck, I know we just met but you feel incredible. You’re incredible. I don’t ever want to stop kissing you, I don’t want to stop holding you, you feel so good, Alina, baby, fuck.” 

“But you’re not—” she whimpers. She looks away despite him wiping her tears that track down her cheeks. 

“I’m not what, sweetheart?” 

“You’re not, you know,” she tries. “Hard. I know I’ve never— but if you liked— shouldn’t you b-be—”

His hand on her face freezes and she makes herself meet his eyes. She’s surprised to find a mirror of her own anxiety written there, his other hand on her hip flexing absently as he clearly struggles to find his words. 

He’s too nice, he just doesn’t want to hurt her feelings, but this is the part where he rejects her. She just hopes he’s kind enough to let her down gently. 

“Alina,” he swallows, “Alina, baby, I’m trans.” 

Her mouth pops open and she feels her shoulders lose their tension in relief because maybe he does want her, maybe he does feel like he’s drowning in this just as much as she does. 

“Is that a—” he tries. “Is that okay with you?” 

“Aleksander,” she replies. “Yes, I thought— I thought you didn’t like me. I’m sorry this is all new to me— I’m still a, well you know.” 

His eyes lighten, a smile slowly returning to his lips before he presses it into her neck. He traces a line of kisses along her throat to her jaw, peppering her face until she can’t help but giggle. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” he coos, “My little baby’s still a virgin? That’s okay, you’re so— you’re perfect, Alina, let me show you just how much I like you, yeah? Let me help you grind this little pussy on my leg.” 

“Oh.” 

His hands move her hips so that both her legs are slotted over his thigh, the hard press of his leg on her cunt making her gasp. 

“Grind down, baby,” he guides and she does, scrambling for something to hold onto as the pleasure spikes through her core and settles for his shoulders. “That’s it, sweetheart, feels good, yeah? You’re gonna look so pretty when you come, you ever come with someone else before? Has anyone ever made you feel this good, baby?” 

She shakes her head and is at loss for words, unable to tell him she’d only been kissed once in high school as a dare, that she’s too afraid to buy a vibrator and has only managed to find her peak a handful of times after numerous frustrated attempts. 

His hands grip her ass harder and he helps her through each roll of her hips, the pressure building and building, embarrassing whimpers spilling from her lips. 

“So pretty,” he breathes. “You gonna be good and let me watch you come? My good little girl makes such the prettiest noises. Fuck, baby, where the hell have you been hiding?”

He’s watching her intently as she moves but she can’t take it, kisses his lips and decides that makes everything worse, that his tongue in her mouth brings her closer, makes her feel dizzy in pleasure and him. 

“Aleks-ander,” she chokes. “I think I’m gonna—feels so good, I think you’re gonna m-make me come.” 

“Go ahead, baby,” he coaxes. He kisses her again and swallows her moans. “Want you nice and wet before I get my mouth on you. Will you let me eat your pussy, baby?” 

“Yes, yes, yes.” 

She’s sure she’d let him do anything to her, the drag of her hips turning into tiny bounces, her desperation growing. He brings her closer to his chest, lips dragging on the skin of her neck. 

“My baby, there you go, so good for me, Alina.” 

Her legs clench around his thigh as she tumbles into a hurricane of an orgasm, the edges of her brain fraying.

She still wants more, kisses his lips over and over again trying to hold back her desperation. He sees right through her, hands moving under the back of her hoodie to spread across her back and hold her. 

“Needy little girl, aren’t you?” he teases. 

“M’sorry,” she whimpers. She’s too much, she needs to stop, she—

“I like you needy,” he says. “Do you need me to touch you more? Can I, baby? Or do you wanna stop, whatever you want.” 

“More, please,” she asks breathlessly. “And I can— can I touch you, too? Maybe you can, like, show me how?” 

“Fucking hell, Alina,” he swears. “You really are perfect, aren’t you? You wanna touch my pussy too?” 

Alina nods timidly, reassured when Aleksander kisses her on the lips. 

“Perfect,” he says again. “I can’t believe you’re real, baby. I can’t believe how lucky I am.” 

She can’t believe it either, keeps writhing in his lap, praying that if this is some kind of dream she never wakes up. 

***

She’s so… perfect. 

He knows he can’t stop saying it, hasn’t stopped thinking it once since he laid eyes on her. 

Aleksander can tell she’s nervous and insecure despite how clearly she wants him and all it does is make him want to ask: Who lied to you for so long? Who convinced you that you weren’t the stars personified, that your face wasn’t the sweetest shape, or that given a lifetime, staring into your gorgeous eyes just wouldn’t be long enough? 

He knows he has a tendency to fall quickly but this already feels different. What was it she said earlier? Talking about her sun and his moon, inverse but the same, twins, she had laughed. 

Maybe she was what was missing all along, a piece of him in her, a rib clicking into his chest right over his heart, right where she belongs. 

It’s difficult to hold his tongue while he’s guiding her sweet little fingers against his clit, her eyes wide and focused, desperate to learn how to bring him pleasure. He wants to say all these things to her, start promising her that she’s the one, she’s it for him, that even though she’s new and inexperienced he’s never felt this way while being touched by anyone else, can tell for certain it will never be good enough again if it’s not with her. 

Instead he puts his hand over hers, tiny, his tiny baby, with her perfect fingers and the perfect amount of pressure. 

“You’re gonna make me come, Alina,” he swears. 

“R-really? I’m doing a good job?” 

Perfect. 

I think I love you. 

Is this what insanity feels like? 

“Yeah, baby,” he promises, free falling over the edge and straight into her. “It’s perfect.” 

***

He stays the night. 

She thought it would feel cramped with the two of them in her twin bed but he keeps her close, most of her body draped over his. 

“Does it always feel like that?” she asks in the dark, the night making her braver. 

“No,” he answers. “Never.” 

Good. 

***

He doesn’t know who he was before he met her. 

It was like one minute he was existing alone, going through the motions of classes and work, drinking on weekends, getting high, therapy when he remembered, eat, sleep, wake, repeat. 

All of that has gone out the window now that Alina’s come into his life. 

It’s definitely unhealthy how much he thinks of her, how often he wants to spend time with her, but it’s so easy with her. 

Instead of only going to his classes, he now walks her to hers. On Tuesdays and Thursdays she works at the campus bookstore; he’s made a comfy home in the lounge area and studies with her when she takes a break. She likes to spend her free time in her dorm room watching movies and Aleksander counts himself lucky that she keeps on inviting him. 

Every new piece he learns about her, he treasures. 

She absolutely loves animated movies, but her all time favorite is The Breakfast Club. She takes her coffee with almond milk and eats her sandwiches with no crusts. She had an emo phase in middle school, has a faded black festival bracelet that hasn’t left her wrist in three years, thinks she likes dogs more but would be better suited to have a cat as a pet. Selfishly he loves that she was a virgin when he met her, that he’s the only person that’s ever seen the way her chest flushes when she’s turned on, the little choked noise she makes right before she comes, the way she always, always smiles after, almost unconsciously like she’s just so filled with bliss and happiness there’s simply no where else for it to go. 

He’s scared though, worried he’s crowding her, being too much, too fast. He's always been too much, and wouldn't be surprised if Alina wanted him to give her some space. 

Aleksander tells her as much when they’re laying in his bed, her thumb absently tracing one of the scars on his chest, something that makes it harder to even talk with how thick his throat feels. 

She’s quiet for a second as she processes but she meets his eyes to reveal a mixture of sadness and relief. 

“I want you around all the time,” she admits. “And I don’t—I’ve never really had friends. And we’re friends, right? I mean, I know we—but I still want to be your friend too. Does that make sense?” 

“Yeah, sweetheart,” he sighs gently. He draws her in and kisses her forehead, keeping her close. “It makes perfect sense.” 

It’s taking everything in him not to give her his entire heart so early on. 

A moot point really. 

When he knows she already has it. 

Chapter Text

College, Alina decides, is exhausting. 

She didn't expect her gen ed courses to be so draining and wishes more than anything that she could crawl into her bed rather than have to clock in for her shift at the bookstore. 

Even through her tiredness, she perks up slightly when she makes it inside, eyes seeking out Aleksander, knowing seeing him will brighten her day immediately. She frowns though, because he's not in his usual spot, isn't in the store at all. 

Her phone is messageless, no indication that he’s running behind or that he’s coming at all, no explanation for his sudden disappearance. 

Alina’s mind spirals and she can barely focus at work, convinced that this was Aleksander’s way of breaking off whatever this thing was between them. It's barely been a month, why would he want to stick around? She’s not sure if she’s ready to go back to being alone and when she plays with the hem of her hoodie sleeve nervously she realizes it’s his hoodie and now she’s going to have to find a way to awkwardly give it back to him. 

Aleksander's smiling face pressed to her cheek now illuminates at her mockingly from her phone's home screen and the 'You okay?’ message she had sent hours ago remains unread as her shift finally ends. 

She’s worried maybe something did happen; they don’t know everything about each other, there could’ve been some kind of family emergency, or maybe he’s sick, maybe he’s got a girlfriend that’s back in town, maybe—

No, it can’t be, he wouldn’t, right? 

Alina finds what little courage she has and walks to the upperclassmen apartments, shrinking in on herself when a group of girls walk by in high heels and short dresses despite the autumn air, clearly heading to one of the frat houses. Maybe that’s the type of girl Aleksander would want instead, maybe it’s one he already has. 

She’s only been to his place a few times, glad she remembers the way and is glad there’s so many people coming and going into the building that she’s able to get onto his floor. 

Alina knocks on the door and doesn’t have to wait long, eyes widening when a man she’s never seen before with a sour expression opens the door. 

“Who are you?” he asks gruffly. 

“Oh, uh, I’m Alina,” she says. “Is Aleksander home?”

His eyes flicker in some sort of recognition. 

“So you’re Alina,” he sighs. She frowns slightly; did Aleksander talk about her to other people? “He’s home, let me just see— he had a hard day.” 

“I can go, sorry—”

He waves a hand and disappears, the door to the apartment still open. She stays in her spot not wanting to go in without being told she can, her ears straining when she hears a low conversation. What if he doesn’t want to see her? She hopes the floor will swallow her, her nails digging into her palms. 

The man returns and he nods, motioning for her to come inside. 

“He’s in his room, I’m sure you remember where that is.”

She flushes and murmurs a thank you, scurrying inside Aleksander’s apartment and down the hall to where his door is opened the smallest crack, the glow of his blue LED lights peeking through.

Aleksander opens the door as she gets to it and her heart aches when she sees how red-rimmed his eyes are. 

“Oh, Aleksander, what’s—”

He tugs her inside roughly by her arm and closes the door, pressing her back against it before she can get another word in. She’s prepared for him to kiss her but instead he presses his forehead into the curve of her neck and just breathes, hands fisting in her- his hoodie. 

“You’re here,” he mumbles. 

“Yeah, I was—” worried, scared, afraid you didn’t want me anymore, “You didn’t show up at the store.”  

He pulls away to look at her, stroking her face and pushing her hair back. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, baby,” he says. He kisses her then, wet with his tears and harder than she’s used to, almost like he’s trying to convince her just how sorry he is. “Let me make it up to you, sweetheart,” he coaxes, voice thick. “I know I fucked up, but I can be better, let me—I’ll make it good for you, baby, I promise.”

He starts to palm at her breast, the implication clear and she pushes him back gently. 

“Aleksander,” she whispers. “Aleksander, you don’t have to—we don’t have to—that’s not why I came here.”

He blinks at her. 

“It’s not?” 

She’s never heard him sound so vulnerable, so like her. Alina shakes her head and grabs at one of his hands, squeezing. 

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” she tells him. “Do you want to just lay down? Or I can leave whatever you—”

“Stay.”

She nods, still nodding slowly when he pulls her gently by the hand towards his bed. They lay down together above the covers, tangling together until there’s no telling where one starts and the other ends. 

“You’re here,” he says again.

“I’m here,” she confirms, pulling herself impossibly closer. 

She’s starting to think she always will be. 

***

He was crampy, and achy, and sad. Another month, another reminder that he would never be quite like the other boys. 

But then she was there, pretty and kind and sort of like a dream, all worried about him. He knew he didn't deserve it, her, but he was so grateful she was here he wanted to weep. 

Alina didn’t expect anything from him and he didn’t expect that. He was so used to people wanting him to give, and was so worried he fucked this thing between them up already that he would’ve given her anything she wanted whether he fully wanted to right then or not. 

But it was her that said no. 

When it was him that needed it the most. 

***

If someone would’ve asked Alina how many parties she was going to go to in college her answer would’ve been zero. 

So for her to be standing in some bar on Halloween weekend while she waits for the guy she’s been sleeping with to get them drinks has her doing a mental double take. This isn’t her life, she’s not the girl that gets to have these things. She should be elbow deep in a bowl of popcorn and reese’s pieces waiting for her next movie to load on her laptop. 

Aleksander returns to her side, pushing the brim of her cowboy hat up with a small smile. 

“Here,” he says, handing her a drink, “it’s mostly cranberry juice, I think you’ll like it, honey.” 

She takes a tentative sip and can barely taste the alcohol in it, mostly just the sweetness from the juice. 

Alina nods her head, biting back her smile. 

“S’good, thanks.” 

He smiles and takes a sip of his own drink, his other hand resting on exposed skin of her hip. If it wasn’t for the way he was curved protectively around her, or for the way he looked at her tonight, she wouldn’t be able to stop tugging at the vest she was in to try and cover more of her skin. 

Aleksander is looking at her though, told her that he wanted fuck her while she kept her cowboy boots on that had blushing harder than the red hat she was wearing. In her defense she didn’t have much time to prepare and pulled together most of her outfit from her closet. The only thing she needed was the hat and the shorts, two things Aleksander can’t seem to stop playing with. 

“Did you like, want to go talk to people?” Alina asks.  

Aleksander’s eyebrows draw together and he shakes his head. 

“I’m here with you,” he says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “Did you want to go talk to people?” 

She shakes her head and sips her drink, biting back her words of how it’s not like she knew anyone here to talk to. Even if she did, she was exactly where she wanted to be, stepping slightly closer to him to prove her point. 

Alina tugs absently on one of the strings of his gray hoodie, eyeing the skeleton onesie he’s in. She thinks it’s unfair that something meant to be cute looks so handsome on him. 

“What are you supposed to be again?” 

“It’s from Donnie Darko,” he says with a fond sigh. She stares at him blankly and he smirks slightly. “The movie? I thought you liked movies, baby?” 

“Is it a scary movie?” 

He hums, shrugging, “I guess so, there is a monster in it.” 

She scrunches her nose and he laughs, pulling on one of her braided pigtails. 

“Awe, are you too afraid of horror movies, little girl?” 

“Don’t be mean,” she pouts. He chuckles again and pulls her closer to him by her hip, kissing her neck in apology. 

“I’m not mean,” he tells her. He pulls away and gives her a small smirk that makes her stomach warm. “I can be a little mean though, if that’s what you want.”

Alina frowns slightly, unsure what Aleksander’s suggesting. She wonders if she did something wrong, confused on why he’d want to hurt her feelings. Her face must give her away, and he continues on with a tilt of his head. 

“You know, some people are into that,” he says. “Like if I called you a ‘slut’ or a ‘whore’. That kinda thing.” 

Her eyes start to sting in the worst way and she feels her bottom lip begin to tremble. 

“I’m not—y-you think I’m a whore?” 

“What?” Aleksander replies, playful smirk dropping and his eyes widening. “No, it’s just— some people like that, I thought maybe you might be into it too. If you’re not, that's okay, I’ll never call you that again, baby.” 

He wipes away the stray tear from her eye and presses a warm kiss to her cheek, mumbling another apology into her skin. 

“I like it when you’re nice,” she admits quietly. No one was ever nice to her, not like Aleksander has been. Now that she has it she aches for it, wants to cry more at the thought of losing it. 

“You like being my perfect girl?” Aleksander asks gently and she nods, blushing when he kisses her on the mouth, right there in front of everyone at the bar. She chases after it when he pulls away, her eyelashes fluttering. “You like being good for me, don’t you, baby?” 

“Y-yeah,” Alina manages. Because that is it, isn’t it? She’s always done what she was expected to do without complaint, but no one ever acknowledged it, her. 

Alina’s drink is plucked from her hand and Aleksander downs the rest of it, the column of his throat moving pleasantly before he sets the ice filled cup on the bar. He pulls her forward and she goes all too willingly, whimpering into his mouth like a small puppy begging for a treat. 

She holds onto the edges of his sweatshirt while he pins her back against the bar, shielding her from everything else but him. It helps calm her screaming brain, shocked that she’s making out with a boy in such a public place. 

Alina presses her thighs together and fights back her moan, focusing instead on the warm feeling of his tongue on hers. 

“Fuck,” Aleksander groans, pulling back slightly. “I could kiss you forever, your lips are so soft.” 

“Please,” she whimpers. 

He kisses her again on the mouth but then finds her throat, a small gasp leaving her lips. There’s a hoot somewhere nearby followed by drunken laughter and Alina squirms, torn between her pleasure and anxiety and excitement of other people seeing them. 

“Aleksander?” she breathes, biting her lip when he sucks on her neck, “Everyone can see.” 

“My little baby doesn’t want me to fuck her right here?” he teases lowly. Her stomach warms and her thighs start to shake. “I bet you're dripping, honey.”

“Not here, not here,” she whines. 

“Okay,” he chuckles, drawing away. He runs his thumb along the spot he was leaving on her neck, humming appreciatively at his mark on her skin. 

She wonders absently if she could leave a bruise on him too, or if he would think that’s too clingy. 

“Sorry I got a little carried away,” he says sheepishly, “I guess I’m more possessive than I thought.” 

Possessive? 

Of me? 

You want to keep me just as badly as I want to keep you?

“Let’s get out of here,” he continues. “We can fuck and watch Halloweentown. That shouldn’t be too scary for you, right, baby?” 

Alina blushes and pecks him on the lips. 

“Sounds perfect,” she manages. 

You’re perfect. 

Can you keep me forever? 

***

As much as Aleksander liked fucking in Alina’s cute pink little room, there was something about having her in his own bed that made some part of his most primal instincts sing. He wanted her in his space, wanted the scent of her perfume and her sex to linger for days until he got her back in his bed again. 

He’s barely gotten her out of her clothes; only stripped to her bra and shorts, his own hoodie gone, his onesie half unzipped down his chest but he wants more. 

Aleksander slots his leg between her thighs as he hovers over her, watching in awe as she grinds helplessly against him. 

“That’s it, honey,” he praises. “Wanna watch you come, wanna taste it. Can I, baby? You always taste so fucking good, have the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen.” 

“Aleksander,” she moans. “I don’t—I want—”

She shakes her head, cheeks ablaze even under the low red glow of his room, clear frustration on her face. 

“What do you want, little girl?” he asks. “Anything, baby. Anything you want, just need you to tell me,” he says but she squeezes her eyes shut, shaking her head again. He pinches her cheeks to force her to look at him, smirking down when her eyes open. “Come on, baby, I know you can do it, my smart girl. Tell me, baby. It’s yours.” I’m yours. “Anything you want.” 

“Can I— Iwannaeatyouout.” 

“What was that, baby?” Aleksander chuckles. He kisses the column of her throat, smile pressed into her skin. “I didn’t quite catch it.” 

“Aleks,” she whines. He laughs again, trying to use his hands on her hips to settle his squirmy girl. “You know what I— please don’t make me ask again.” 

“Hush, baby,” he teases. “You can eat me out. I’ll show you how to make it good, I promise.” 

He rolls them so she’s on top, her eyes widening at their new position. Some of Alina’s hair has escaped from her pigtails and Aleksander uses both his hands to carefully tuck the strands behind her ears. 

“Prettiest girl in the whole world,” he murmurs. “If you change your mind or don’t like something, you need to tell me, okay?” 

“I won’t—” she tries, but the look he gives her forces her mouth closed and she nods. “I’ll tell you. I trust you.” 

His stomach dips at her confession and he leans up to kiss the top of her breast right over her heart. He tugs her bra down enough so he can lick at her nipple, suckling it just so he can hear her breath stutter. 

“You—” she tries. “You’re distracting me.”

He smiles again and releases the bud, thumbing over where it’s now spit-slicked, smirking when her hips roll forward involuntarily. 

“Sorry,” he says despite not being sorry at all. “Why don’t you be a good girl and take the rest of my silly costume off? Then lay between my legs, let’s start there, sweetheart.” 

“O-okay.” 

She nervously does just that and it takes everything in him not to help her along, but he knows how scary trying something new can be and wants it to be good for her. 

“Good job, baby,” he praises, the air in the room cool on his center. He knows he’s wet already, has been since he saw her walk out of her dorm in her little costume. He watches as she wets her lips nervously, eyes flitting from his cunt to his eyes as she lowers herself in between his spread legs. 

“Okay?” he checks. 

She nods, swallowing roughly. 

“Nervous,” she admits. 

“I know, baby,” he tells her. “I’ll like it no matter what, you have no idea what you— you’re gonna do so good, sweetheart.” He opens his legs a little wider for her and slides his fingers between the lips of his cunt, presenting himself to her. “Here you go baby, why don’t you go ahead and give it a kiss? Start with that.” 

She nods and moves tentatively closer, her hands on his thighs to steady herself. Her hair tickles the inside of his legs, but everything else fades away at the first press of her lips on his pussy. 

“So good, baby,” he sighs. “Give it another kiss, just like that, honey, perfect.” 

Her kisses are feather light, built on nerves and desire. Her tongue pokes out shyly, her first lick barely there but enough for Aleksander’s breath to catch in his throat. 

“Fuck, Alina,” he curses. “That’s good, baby. Show me what you like when I eat you out, show me what makes you feel good.”

She makes a small noise in between his thighs that has his eyes fluttering. Alina licks at him again, harder, each brush growing in confidence and drawing small moans from his lips. He tangles his hand in her soft hair and helps guide her movements, pleasure rolling down his entire body. 

“Baby,” he sighs. “You’re doing so well, fuck, I want to touch you.”

She moans loudly at that and his hips chase after the sound. 

“You like that?” he teases. “God, I bet you’re dripping, aren’t you? Fuck, Alina, put one of those little fingers inside me.” 

She lifts off his cunt to take a breath, her lips swollen and red, shining with his mess. She puts a finger inside of him slowly, watching with wide eyes as it disappears in and out with each of her motions. 

“Add another, baby,” he orders breathlessly. “They’re so little, I need more. Fucking hell, how do you ever get yourself off?”

“S’really hard,” she whimpers. And Jesus, he could come right there thinking about her trying to get herself off all alone in her bed but never quite getting there. 

“Awe, sweetheart,” he coos. He strokes her hair and bites his lip when another one of her fingers slides seamlessly against her other one. She pumps them a little out of rhythm, but it feels so good he doesn’t even mind. Everything she does feels good, every touch she gives him sends him closer and closer to the edge. 

“Use your mouth again, baby,” he tells her. She moves between his legs with a renewed assurance, more confident now in each brush of her tongue. “Move your fingers too, fuck, there you go, that’s a girl.”

He can feel himself getting closer, his orgasm building with each perfect swipe of her tongue and the gentle curl of her fingers inside of him. 

“So good,” he praises. She's perfect, his girl, his, “Gotta teach my girlfriend how to eat my pussy right, don’t I?” 

She lifts off. 

“G-girlfriend?” 

Shit. 

Did I just?

Shit. 

“Um, I mean,” he stutters. This isn’t how he wanted to do this, he wanted to take her out on a date, not while she was in between his thighs. He doesn’t even know if that’s what she wants, they needed to talk about this, see if she wants more, wants—

“You mean it?” she asks softly, wide eyed, like she almost can’t believe that’s what he’d want. Like her fingers aren’t still buried in his cunt and like he isn’t one brain muddled confession away from ruining this entirely. 

“Yeah, sweetheart,” he swallows. “You’re my girl, right? My baby?” 

She nods and he watches her blink back tears before she lurches forward, pressing her entire front to his so she can kiss his mouth. He can taste himself on her lips and he groans, fisting her hair roughly when she starts to move her fingers inside him again. 

Alina knows how to work her thumb on his clit in just the right way, the tongue that was just licking at the most intimate part of him now pressing against his own. 

“Aleksander,” she moans. 

"Baby, my baby." 

"Y-your baby, yours, yours."

She sends him over the edge, Aleksander’s thighs hooking tightly around Alina’s small waist, pinning her against him when he comes.

“Fuck,” he curses against her lips, “My perfect girl, my girl.” 

“M’yours,” she promises again, making his cunt clench around her fingers. “Was it okay? Did I do okay?”

“You did amazing, sweetheart,” Aleksander promises. “You’re a natural.” 

“You’re a good teacher,” she murmurs with a smile. She retracts her fingers from inside him carefully and she ruts against him almost mindlessly like some kind of horny little bunny. 

“Awe, does someone want something?” he teases. “Did eating me out make my baby wet?” 

“Yeah,” she mumbles, grinding against his leg, “Wanted to feel you come on my mouth,” she admits sheepishly. 

“Fucking hell, little girl,” Aleksander swears. He finds the button to her shorts and pops it open, getting his hand into her pants and against her underwear, soaked all the way through on his fingers. She keens against him, pressing open mouthed kisses to his jaw. “Why don’t you come first and then you can eat me out again? I’ll eat you out too, does that sound fun, sweetheart?” 

“Best boyfriend ever,” she sighs wistfully. 

“Oh, shut up,” he laughs. She giggles back, matching smiles trying to press together in some attempt at a kiss. It’s messy and uncoordinated but he doesn’t care, his girl is happy. 

His girl. 

***

His girl, his girl, his girl. 

Babybabybabybaby. 

His. 

***

Being someone’s girlfriend doesn’t really change a whole lot, at least not with Aleksander anyway. 

Other than making her feel more secure, less like what they’re doing is casual and he might run off, everything stays close to what it’s been since the first night they met. 

The only real difference is that when Aleksander’s friends ask him to go out, she tags along too. 

She had felt a little out of sorts at first, but after a drink or two, and her place always securely in her boyfriend's lap, she doesn’t really care where she is or who else is with them. 

“Jason would beat Michael,” Aleksander is saying. She’s only half listening, nursing her drink and nuzzled in his lap, “He’s got a machete and Michael has a knife.” 

“They’d go on forever,” Ivan argues. She wishes Ivan’s boyfriend was here, at least he seemed nice. “They literally do not die, that’s the whole point. No one would win.” 

“Jason would win, right Alina?” he asks. 

“Hm? Yeah, definitely. Jason, sure.” 

“See,” Aleksander teases with a grin, “My girl’s never wrong.” 

“Oh, whatever, Sasha,” Ivan groans.

She can feel her boyfriend tense underneath her and she looks at him in confusion. He tries to smile at her but she knows him well enough to know when he’s uncomfortable. He had told her he’d known Ivan his entire life and she realizes that he must’ve known him before his transition, unable to believe someone so close to him could be so… rude. 

Alina shifts in Aleksander’s lap and looks at Ivan, suddenly angry on his behalf. 

“Don’t call him that,” she manages to say, “He doesn’t like it.” 

“Baby—”

“Call him what?” Ivan asks. 

“Don’t be an asshole,” she bites, surprised that her voice doesn’t waver. “His name is Aleksander.” 

“Did your girlfriend have one too many?” Ivan asks, looking at Aleksander rather than her. “Maybe you should take her home, Sasha.” 

“Are you fucking—” she swears and Aleksander’s grip on her hip tightens as if he’s afraid she might launch out of his lap to claw at Ivan’s face. She’s never felt so angry before, and if he wasn’t holding her she just might put her hands on him, but instead spits out:

“Stop deadnaming him you cunt.” 

Ivan blinks at her and instead of apologizing or yelling something back at her he starts laughing, so loud people in the party look over to see what caused such a commotion. 

“Oh, baby,” Aleksander sighs. She feels him press a warm kiss to her cheek and she wiggles backwards in his lap to frown at him in confusion. 

“That’s rich,” Ivan laughs. “She thinks—I can’t deal with this,” he says, still laughing as he stands. “Good luck with that one, I need to go find Fedya.” 

Her cheeks flush with embarrassment and she looks at Aleksander, already feeling the tell-tale warning signs of tears starting to prick behind her eyes. 

“I don’t understand,” she mumbles. “I was just trying to stick up for you, I’m sorry.” 

Some of her fear dissipates when Aleksander pulls her closer to his body, eyes soft and only for her. 

“You’re too sweet for your own good,” he tells her quietly. He gives her a light kiss on the lips and uses the pad of his thumb to wipe her escaped tears when he pulls away. “Don’t cry, baby, you didn’t do anything wrong, you’re so—” he shakes his head and just smiles at her gently, “Sasha’s kind of like a nickname, sweetheart. It’s a Russian thing. A shorter, friendlier version of Aleksander.” 

“Oh,” she replies, frowning slightly. “But you didn’t like it.” 

Aleksander opens his mouth and she stares at him pointedly, forcing a resigned sigh from his lips. 

“It’s complicated, baby,” he says. “It’s always been a name for me, you know?” 

She nods her head and remains quiet, tucking her head into the warm spot on his shoulder so that her nose can press against his neck. His hand on her hip moves up slightly until she can feel his fingers trace absently underneath her shirt. 

“My family used to call me that growing up,” he tells her quietly. “Not because of Aleksander but because of— but it’s not like I have any problems with my family, they’ve all been surprisingly accepting about all of it.” 

“It’s a nice name though?” 

“What is? Sasha?” he asks and she nods. “Yeah, yeah it was nice.” 

“And now you associate with not nice things,” she concludes. 

“Sometimes,” he admits. “But other times… other times I miss it. I miss the people who love me calling me something out of love.” 

She presses a kiss to his neck. 

“If you ever want me to call you that,” she says slowly. “Just let me know. Otherwise I won’t and I’ll still tell Ivan and whoever else off for using it.” 

People who love me. People who love me. People who love me. 

She flushes, hoping he doesn’t prod her for what she’s just implied. 

“Oh, really? A sweet little girl like yourself is gonna fight off Ivan?” He smiles at her, thumbing her cheek over and over sending warm waves of comforting happiness down her spine. 

“Yeah,” she decides. “Until you’re comfortable with it, everyone else can—they can—fuck off.” 

Aleksander snorts and tightens his hold on her, rocking her slightly in some version of a hug. 

“My brave girl,” he coos. Aleksander kisses her temple, leaving his lips there to whisper against her like a secret he’s not quite ready to tell, “I like you so much, Alina. I really do.”

“Me too,” she murmurs. His heart pounds heavy under her ear and she wonders if he knows she’s lying, that liking him barely scratches the surface to the real feelings she has for him. 

***

I love you. 

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou. 

No one’s ever defended him like that. 

No one’s ever cared. 

He loves her. 

He’s probably in love with her. 

His brave girl. 

Aleksander hopes he can be brave enough to tell her. 

Chapter Text

The campus grows emptier as Thanksgiving looms around the corner. Alina never really liked the holiday; her mother wasn’t the best cook and like most of their meals, dinner consisted of something from the freezer aisle. The only real difference was the annual appearance of a grocery store pie. 

She’s anxious about staying behind though. Despite their family traditions being a poor attempt at a celebration, she’s never been on her own like this before. Alina tells Aleksander as much while she watches him roll a joint on his coffee table, her socked feet placed in his lap as they spend the night on his couch. 

“Wait, you aren’t going home?” Aleksander asks with a frown. 

“No, um, no I’m not.” 

“Why not?” 

He finishes whatever he was doing with his weed and lights it, offering her a hit. She shakes her head like she always does and he smiles at her softly, almost like he’s proud. 

“It’s too expensive,” she says with a shrug. “I could only save up enough to go back for winter break. It sucks, but it’ll be okay.” 

“Aren’t you going to miss your family?” 

“I guess?” She’s not even sure herself, is more afraid of just being alone. Alina hasn’t told Aleksander much about her home life, and while she doesn’t think he’d judge or poke fun, her stomach still twists uncomfortably. “We’re not the closest. I don’t know, it’s not like we have a bad relationship, there’s just not really one at all.” 

Aleksander squeezes her ankle and sits back against the couch, taking a hit from his joint. The smell makes Alina’s nose wrinkle but she likes how touchy he gets when he’s high, even more so than he normally is with her. 

He glances at her and holds her gaze, clearly contemplating as his thumb brushes in soothing circles along her ankle bone. She tilts her head in question, worried slightly at what he has to say. 

“We should have Thanksgiving here,” he finally says. Of all the things he could’ve said, Alina didn’t expect that. She sits up slightly, eyebrows drawn together. 

“What do you mean? Aren’t you going home?” 

“We don’t celebrate; my mother's an immigrant,” he explains. “I usually just go home for the winter.” 

Alina nods slowly and bites her bottom lip. 

“You really want to spend the holiday with me?” Alina asks softly. 

“Baby, there is nobody else I’d rather be with,” Aleksander replies immediately. 

Her chest warms and she sits up, initially going for a hug that ends more in tackle. She buries her head against his chest, smiling when she hears her boyfriend laugh. 

“Someone’s excited, huh?” he teases. Aleksander settles on his back along the couch so Alina can cuddle herself on top of him. 

It’s quickly becoming one of her all time favorite spots, a close second to when there’s less clothes involved and more skin-on-skin but still one of her favorites nonetheless. 

“Can we make a pie?” 

“We can make a million pies.” 

“Mm, that’s too many for just us,” she replies, closing her eyes, lulled to the sound of Aleksander’s heart. “Only need one, I think.” 

Only need you. 

His arms tighten around her middle and he kisses the top of her head. 

“One’s perfect, baby.”

***

He thought it was a good idea to spend Thanksgiving with her. 

Aleksander had felt slightly guilty that he was happy that she would be staying on campus. He had already been trying to prepare himself for the upcoming days apart; since the night they met there hasn’t been a single day that he hasn’t seen her at least once. He wasn’t sure how he was going to manage a near week without her, blessed beyond belief when she wasn’t going anywhere at all.

It seemed like a no-brainer that they should be together. It’s not like it would’ve been anything different, but he was wrong beyond belief because it was, it was. With Ivan using the few days off to take his boyfriend on a trip, Alina brought a few of her things over to his apartment so she could just stay there and Aleksander can’t stop thinking. 

He got to wake up with her in the morning without worrying about where one of them had to rush off to next, used their granted time to lick an orgasm out of her before she finally dragged him to the couch to watch the parade. She already has a second batch of coffee brewing, and is flipping through recipes on her phone, asking in that sweet little voice of hers if it’s too early to start making the pie. 

He caves immediately, doesn’t care if they eat at noon or during dinner or midnight. He wants her happy and pretends to help, mostly watches her make herself a home in his kitchen. 

Aleksander wants this. 

He can picture it so vividly - them in a place they share together, silly pink towels in the kitchen, fluffy blankets on their couch, a cat they adopt, her converse and vans mixed in with his boots by the door, all her skincare products cluttering the bathroom counter, his record player in the living room playing her music, whatever soundtrack or score from a movie she wanted to hear that day before he could eventually convince her to put on an emo band they could both agree on.

“Baby?" she asks, "Does this look right? I think it’s too liquidy.” 

She’s got her phone in one hand and is mixing with the other, showing him the difference with a look of concern on her face that he wants to smooth out with his thumb. His stomach warms at the pet name from her tongue, wants to do everything in his power to hear it over and over again for the rest of his life. 

“Maybe it’ll settle?” he suggests. He dips his finger in the batter and tastes it, humming appreciatively even though Alina hits him lightly with the back of her hand. “Tastes good. I don’t know, honey, I’m not the best baker.” 

“Me either,” she pouts. God, he wants to kiss her. He remembers he can, does, smirks when she gets that cute dazed look on her face. 

“S’okay, baby,” he promises. “We’ll live.” 

“Maybe. But I’m pretty sure I burnt the mashed potatoes too.”

“You’re definitely not winning housewife of the year then.”

She glances at him and he watches the blush crawl up the back of her neck. 

Did I just—

Did I just call her my wife?

God, how stupid are you? You haven’t even told her you were in love with her yet and already you’re making jokes about her being married to you? You might as well pack her shit up now before she—

“I guess I just need more p-practice then,” Alina says quietly. She resumes stirring the batter for the pie and Aleksander blinks at her, swallowing roughly. 

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll be perfect by next year,” he manages. Idiot. Next year? You might as well show her an engagement ring. “A regular Martha Stewart.” 

Alina snorts and Aleksander feels whatever lingering tension that was trapped in his neck finally drain away. He puts his arm around Alina’s waist, thumb brushing underneath her shirt so he can stroke her hip. 

“Maybe next year you can actually help,” she teases. He tries not to harp on the fact that she’s implying they’ll still be together a year from now too, knows she’s probably just joking around. 

He tickles her side just to hear her laugh and plucks the spatula from her hand so he can take over mixing. 

“See?” he says. “I can help.” 

He doesn’t see her roll her eyes but guesses she does. He expects her to make another joke or take the spatula back but she does neither, instead curls around him so her nose is pressed into his chest. 

Aleksander smiles and drops a kiss to the top of her head, mixing in the most comfortable silence of his life. 

He hopes it’s just like this next year. 

He wouldn’t change a thing.

***

Next year.

And the year after that, and the year after that, and the year after that. 

She never thought she’d be a girlfriend, especially with someone she lov— cares about so much. 

She hopes she’s lucky enough to be a wife one day. 

And maybe she’s insane but she hopes that she’s only a wife if it’s with him. 

***

Alina doesn’t ever want to leave Aleksander’s bed. 

It’s comfy and warm and is starting to smell like them. She’s not sure how she’s supposed to go back to her dorm room after this weekend, she wants to stay right here forever. 

“I want to try something,” Aleksander says. “With you. If you’re comfortable and you can say no, I won’t be mad, I promise, sweetheart.” 

She’s already warm and sated from the three orgasms he’s given her so far, almost sure she’d agree to just about anything with him. Alina knows it must be serious though, and nods, pressing a kiss to his naked shoulder. 

“Do you know what a strap-on is, baby?” 

Alina can feel her throat go a bit dry and she peeks up at Aleksander, lips parting but wordless. She knows what it is… sort of. She has access to the internet and has stumbled across her share of videos that have sparked her heart rate but she’s never seen one in person before. 

Aleksander runs his hand along her side, kissing her temple. 

“I want to use it with you,” he admits quietly. “I want to fuck you with it. Would you like that, honey? Do you want my cock inside you?” 

Her thighs rub together unconsciously and she squirms against him, burying her head into his shoulder when he chuckles. 

“M’kinda scared.” 

“It is scary trying something new,” he agrees. She bites her bottom lip roughly, afraid she’ll say she loves him for validating her feelings so easily. “But we’ll go slow. And if you don’t like it—”

“I can stop,” she finishes. 

“My smart girl,” he praises, causing her chest to warm all over. “Always, baby. And we’ll start small.” 

“There’s different sizes?” 

“Yes, honey,” Aleksander laughs warmly. “Why? Do you want the biggest one? I bet you’re secretly a cock hungry little monster.” 

“Aleksander,” she scoffs, giggling when he pokes at her side. “That’s so—you’re so… vulgar.”

“Baby, you had your mouth on my cunt ten minutes ago. I bet I could taste myself on your lips.” 

She makes an offended sound and squeaks when he draws her into his arms fully so he can slide his mouth against hers. She melts into it, pouting involuntarily when he pulls away too soon for her liking. 

“See?” he teases softly. “I knew it.” 

“I hate you,” she mutters. 

“No you don’t,” he laughs. 

No, I don’t. 

“So, what do you say?” he continues. She looks at him blankly and frowns, still a bit dizzy from their kiss. He just smiles and puts his palm against her cheek. “About the strap, honey,” he clarifies, smile growing when she flushes all over again. “Would you want to try it?” 

“Now?” she asks. Her voice cracks slightly in nerves but Aleksander soothes her with warm touches on her bare skin. He shrugs and nods towards his closet. 

“We can,” he says. “If you want.” 

“Have you, like, used it before?” 

“Yes, sweetheart,” he replies with a small smirk. “I’ve used them plenty, but don’t worry they’re sanitized and clean and I won’t hurt you. I promise, honey, I’ll make it good for you.” 

And that’s— she hadn’t really thought about that; she trusted Aleksander to make sure she was safe and that he’d make her feel good. She was more focused on the rush of jealousy she felt, knowing Aleksander had used them to have sex with someone that wasn’t her. She knew he was experienced, she wasn’t stupid, but in the most selfish way she didn’t want something that had been inside someone else to be inside her. 

It was silly, and she was worried he’d take offense. He’d called it a cock earlier and if it had been a part of him that he was born with she knows she wouldn’t be having these concerns. 

“Baby, I can see your mind moving,” Aleksander soothes. “We don’t have to now or ever, I like what we’re doing now, and if you change your mind or don’t—”

“I want to,” she interrupts. “I just—I don’t know how to say this right, you’re going to hate me and—”

“Never,” Aleksander states. She believes him, she does, hopes it’s true. “Sweet little girl, what is it, honey?” 

“I’m jealous,” she mumbles. “I’m jealous and it’s stupid and I’m stupid and you’ve fuc—had sex w-with other people with it and I d-don’t—but if you want—and—”

“Alina, Alina, hush,” he interrupts. He squeezes her tighter and wipes away tears she hadn’t realized were there. “I don’t care what I fuck you with. We can go pick out a new strap together. I’ll throw out all the old ones, I don’t care.” 

“You don’t?” she whimpers, glancing up at him. 

She doesn’t see anger or upset, only her Aleksander. 

“I don’t,” he confirms. “It’s a sex toy, there are other sex toys. And picking out one together because you’re jealous is… well it’s kind of hot.” 

“R-really?” 

“Picking out my baby’s perfect cock?” he teases. “Yeah, honey, it’s hot. If I didn’t want to eat you out again, I’d say let’s go right now.” 

“You can’t say things like that,” Alina whines, squirming against him like her body isn’t quite sure if she wants to be closer or farther away from him. 

“Why not?” Aleksander prods. He rolls them so she’s underneath him, his hair messily framing his face. She feels him slide two of his fingers inside of her easily, and she gasps, stunned by the intrusion. 

“Aleks—” she whines. Her hips roll upwards and she reaches aimlessly towards his chest just for something to hold onto. 

“Hush, little girl,” Aleksander coos. “Need to make sure this pussy can even fit a cock inside it. Gotta get it nice and ready, honey, you just lay back and relax.” 

He doesn’t give her time to process what he’s said and she watches him move down her body so he can put his mouth back on her center. She knows she’s still wet from before and maybe from the conversation they were having too. She can practically feel her clit pulse under his tongue, probably on the verge of overstimulation but Alina tangles her hand into his hair, keeping him there. 

She hopes by the time he’s done with her there’s still enough time to get to the store. The thought of him fucking her with a cock makes her head dizzy with pleasure. 

“There, there, yes, Aleks, more,” she begs, tightening her thighs around his head.

Maybe not. 

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow. 

***

He points at the biggest one he can find just to tease her. 

She blushes, of course she does, but then she points to one that’s veiny and blue and the size of his forearm. 

He loves her so much his teeth ache.

*** 

It’s nerve wracking knowing what’s coming. 

While she’s not completely used to sex, she feels more comfortable touching Aleksander with her fingers or mouth or both and having him do the same to her. She knows what she likes and doesn’t like, feels safe enough to always tell Aleksander exactly how she’s feeling. 

“I’m really nervous,” Alina mumbles. She tucks her hands under her bare thighs, watching from the edge of Aleksander’s bed as he tightens one of the harnesses on his hips. She averts her eyes from the bobbing member in favor of looking at his face, something familiar and beautiful and not at all scary. 

“I know, sweetheart, we’ll go slow,” Aleksander soothes. “Unless you want to fuck me first.” 

“Aleksander,” Alina huffs. He had asked earlier already and her eyes had gone so wide she was worried they would fall right out of her head. “Don’t make fun of me.” 

“Oh, baby,” Aleksander sighs. He comes to stand in front of her and grips her chin in his large hand, forcing her to look up at him. “I’m only teasing, little girl. I’d never make fun of you.” 

“P-promise?” 

“I promise,” Aleksander swears. She believes him so much she can feel her heart beating lightning fast against her chest. “Why don’t you lay back, hm? Need to play with your pussy a little, get you nice and warmed up.” 

“Jesus,” Alina swears. She’ll never get used to the things he says to her and he smirks at her like he knows just that. 

Alina lays back against his bed and she fists her hands into her shirt, some band tee Aleksander gave her that swamps her completely. She can feel him lift her leg up by the ankle and he presses a warm kiss to her calf making her shiver. 

He works his way up slowly, sugar coated kisses trailing to her thigh. She feels him stop there and she gasps when he sucks harder on the skin there, no doubt leaving a bruise behind. 

“Please,” she whimpers. He nips at her skin and she tries to pull away but his other hand pins her hip to the bed. She can feel him tug her underwear down and she lifts just enough for him to slide the garment off. He kisses her hipbone and then the small curve of her belly, making a soft noise against her. 

“Will you take your shirt off for me, honey?” he asks, breath tickling against her stomach. His thumbs rub at her hip bones and she slips off the garment easily, cool air pebbling her nipples. “So pretty, baby, my lovely, lovely girl.” 

She can tell that he’s planning on going down on her but her head is spinning. She’s worried the strap is going to hurt, or that she won’t like it. Or maybe she’ll like it too much and Aleksander will think she’s not so queer after all. 

Don’t be an idiot. 

He likes you. 

He’s literally eating you out, he LIKES you. 

“Aleks—Aleks, stop,” she mumbles. He lifts off and she reaches for his shoulder, trying to pull him towards her. “I need—can you—up here, please.” 

She’s thankful he understands her babbling and he slides up next to her in the bed to take her in his arms. 

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asks gently. “Do you want to stop?” 

She shakes her head and she slides her hand into his hair, pulling him towards her. 

“Just need me to kiss you?” Aleksander asks. She nods and he cups her cheek, drawing her lips to his, quieting her brain almost immediately. 

She’s comforted by his embrace, the worries she has fading as Aleksander licks gently into her mouth. She moves to get closer to him, her leg going over his. Alina can feel the silicone bump against her stomach and he gasps softly into her mouth. 

She remembers the toy is inside him too and wonders how it must feel for him. She supposes she’s about to find out soon enough, an involuntary whimper escaping her lips. 

“My baby,” Aleksander coos softly. His hand on her side descends lower and he pauses, waiting for her to nod before his fingers press against the seam of her pussy. 

He starts working her in small circles and she shudders, trying not to feel too embarrassed by the noises she keeps making into his mouth. 

“Gonna make you come like this first, okay, baby?” he tells her, sliding two of his fingers inside of her, his thumb taking over the movements against her clit. “Then you’re gonna take my cock, sweetheart. You’re gonna do so well, you’re doing amazing, baby, always so good for me.” 

She’s close already, his words sugary sweet and turning her brain fuzzy goo. He curls his fingers inside of her in that careful controlled way he does, beckoning her forward, her hips grinding helplessly. 

“Come on, little girl,” Aleksander soothes. “Don’t you want me to fuck you?”

“Y-yes,” she whimpers. 

And she does, his fingers inside her feel so much smaller than normal, not splitting her apart like she can only imagine his cock will. 

“Oh, there she is,” Aleksander coos. And is she…? Oh, she is. He knows her body better than she does by now and the thought makes her clench down even harder on his fingers as she rides out her orgasm. 

“Mmm, so good,” Alina breathes mindlessly. 

Aleksander chuckles and gives her another warm kiss, lingering with his nose pressed against her nose. 

“Do you still want me to fuck you, baby?” he asks and she nods. “I need you to say it, little girl. Tell me what you want.” 

“Aleks—” she whines. 

“Tell me, baby.”

It’s a little hard to think when he curls his fingers inside of her again but she nods again.

“W-want you to f-fuck me,” she manages. 

“And?”

“And if I don’t like it, I’ll tell you.” 

“Good, baby, perfect,” he praises. His fingers leave her body and he rolls them so he’s on top, her legs spreading so he can settle in between them. “Ready, honey?” 

“M’ready.”

And she is, ready as she’ll ever be, her heart racing but comforted when Aleksander kisses her.

The strap bumps against her stomach again, not too big, not too small, the perfect size until she wants something bigger. She had teased him then, said what if she wanted smaller instead, and Aleksander had only laughed, as if he was in on some secret joke she wasn’t aware of. 

Now as he presses it inside her slowly, her head craned so she can watch it disappear into her body, she knows why he had laughed. She likes the stretch, she likes the slight twinge of pain until he’s seated inside her to the root, likes how full she feels, and likes that when she clenches down, Aleksander gasps, clearly feeling the toy move inside his own body. 

They’re connected. 

“Oh, baby,” Aleksander sighs, wiping away a tear from her cheek she hadn’t even realized escaped. “Does it hurt? What do you need, sweetheart?” 

“No, it’s good,” she sniffs. Good doesn’t even scratch the surface but she has no idea how to articulate what she’s feeling, that she’s never felt so close to another person in her life and doesn’t think she ever will again. He’s ruined her so completely for anyone else and that she’s not crying because of that but because if he ever leaves her she knows for certain she’ll never love someone as much as she loves him. 

“Just good?” Aleksander teases lightly. He brushes her hair away from her face so he can kiss her cheek, murmuring gentle words into her skin. “You feel amazing. I knew you’d be perfect, baby. I’m so lucky to be here with you, I lo—you’re perfect, Alina, I could stay right here forever.” 

“Please.” 

Don’t ever leave me.

Stay forever and I’ll stay too. 

He tangles one of his hands in hers, the other stroking her cheek, his eyes not leaving hers as he slowly begins to thrust inside of her. She shudders, her lips parting so she can catch the breath that’s lodged in her throat. 

“Good?” Aleksander checks. 

She nods, squeezing his hand in hers as she arches her hips slightly to allow him more space inside her. 

He finds a gentle rhythm, easing her into the sensation slowly. It's dizzying how good it feels like this, she had thought sex with Aleksander was already mind-numbing but this is something else entirely. She wonders if it feels just as good for him too and it must with how flushed his cheeks are, a mirror of her own no doubt. Her free hand moves with a mind of its own, fingers brushing against his cheek to feel the warmth for herself to make sure it isn't just a figment of her imagination. 

He kisses her palm and her heart soars, a new wave of tears stinging behind her eyes. 

"My weepy girl," Aleksander says gently. The admiration is so clear in his voice there's no room for her to question his words. "Fuck, you're beautiful. You're doing so well, baby. This pussy was made for me, wasn't it?" 

She gasps when he thrusts slightly harder, but he just returns to fucking her slowly, clearly trying hold back for her.  

Alina loves him for that, so much she almost says it right there.

He could use her however he wanted, she would let him, but instead he just wants her to be comfortable, safe. 

“Y-you can—,” she tries. “It’s okay if—”

"What is is, baby?" he coaxes softly. 

"I can take it—," she swallows, "I want—I need—" 

“Want me to fuck you harder, little girl?”

The noise she makes is embarrassing but Aleksander only smirks, her only real warning before the gentle sex they were having turns into something a little rougher. 

She moans loudly, eyelashes fluttering while she simply lays back and takes. 

Aleksander isn’t quiet either, groaning above her, the wet sound of the toy going in and out of her making her cheeks heat. She’s dripping for him and wonders if he’s just as affected by this as she is. 

“Please, Aleks, please,” she hiccups. “You’re— please, s’deep.” 

She didn’t think it could feel this good, was used to his fingers and his mouth, of grinding and shuddering and finding new ways to have sex together. She’d never had a cock inside of her before and she clenches around the silicone, whimpering when her boyfriend uses it to slam inside her harder. 

“You feel that, baby, huh?” he groans, “Tell me how it feels, tell me how my cock feels inside this pussy.” 

“S’good, so good, Aleks,” she promises, nails digging into faded scars under his chest as he hikes her legs further around his waist, cock digging deeper, pleasure coated kisses sealed against her neck. 

“Aleksander, Aleksander,” she moans. “So good, I’m so close, Aleks, Aleks.” 

“Sasha,” he chokes out. And oh, oh. “Baby, you can—can you— please—”

“Sasha,” Alina whines. People who love me. I love you. iloveyouiloveiloveyou . “Sasha, I—it’s so deep. M’gonna come.” 

“Fuck,” he swears. She feels his fingers on her clit and she squeaks, her ah-ah-ah’s, nearly drowning out his, “Come for me, baby. Come on my cock so I can fill this little pussy up, gonna keep you full forever, baby.” 

She comes on the thought of forever, her thighs tightening on his waist to pull him even deeper. She can feel him still moving inside of her, rutting and babbling sweet nothings, following close behind her in his own orgasm. 

He gathers her close in his arms, her chest against his, his hold on her tight as they both catch their breath together. 

“Sasha,” she manages, “You’re heavy.” 

“Can’t move,” he says into her neck. “Brains broken. Bodies broken.”

“Sasha,” she whines. She can’t stop saying it, is the next best thing to telling him she’s in love with him. At least this he wants her to say and she can feel him smile into her skin to know it’s still okay. 

He loosens his hold on her and moves up so he’s eye level with her. 

“Better?” he asks. 

She kisses him. 

“Better,” she confirms. 

The smile he gives her makes her chest ache.

“Was that good for you?” he checks. “No pain?” 

She shakes her head, flushing slightly when she feels his thumb brushing the underside of her breast. 

“Good, so like, you wanna go again?” 

Alina giggles, heart warming at Aleksander’s boyish grin.

I love him.

I’m in love with him. 

“Sasha,” she says with a smile, “I’d love to.”

***

His name was locked inside of his heart and his heart belongs to her.

I love her. 

I’m in love with her. 

Will you love me one day too? 

Chapter Text

Alina is happy. 

Fall crawls into winter and she and Aleksander only grow closer. There isn’t a moment they spend apart and she likes it that way. She’s seen enough teen specials to know she should probably have other friends, that orbiting her life around a singular person isn’t exactly healthy, but she doesn’t care. 

She’s happy. 

She smiles when she sees him waiting by the door outside of her last lecture for the day like he normally does now, looking warm as ever in his flannel jacket and black beanie. 

“Hey, baby,” he greets, kissing her on the cheek. He adjusts her winter hat absentmindedly and tugs slightly on one of her braids when he’s done. “Class went well?” 

Alina shrugs and takes his hand, smiling to herself when she starts to feel a little warmer. 

“It was fine,” she replies. “I think my professor likes to hear himself talk sometimes but it was whatever.” 

Aleksander laughs and she realizes they’re not walking towards her dorm or his place, not even in the direction of the dining hall. 

“Where are we going?” she asks. 

“I’m taking you out,” he replies. He turns his head, his nose slightly pink from the wind chill. “I can’t remember the last time I took you out on a proper date and that’s just a damn shame.” 

“Sasha,” she laughs, “You don’t have to—” 

“I want to,” he says. His eyes are dark in the grey overcast around them and she gets lost in them a little. “That’s okay, right, sweetheart?” 

“Yeah,” she breathes. She’s pretty sure she’d be okay with anything with him. “Like to dinner?” 

Aleksander shakes his head and she raises her eyebrow in question. 

“You ever been ice skating?” 

***

She went once when she was a kid. 

Her dad had taken her. She remembers being embarrassed for falling over, that the other kids could skate without help, that she had to hold her dad’s hand most of the time which made her feel like a baby. 

She still can’t really skate, feels kind of like a kid still when she tries her best to glide against the ice. A baby deer with wobbly knees, new and fresh and seconds from always falling over. 

Aleksander doesn’t let go of her hand. 

She doesn’t want to let go. 

Maybe she’s still a baby, but as long as she’s his she doesn’t really mind. 

***

“Sasha, m’gonna fall.”

“I won’t let you fall, honey.”

He tightens his hold on her hand to prove his point, unable to stop his smile when she squeezes back over her mittens. 

“But what if—”

“If you go down, I’ll go down with you,” he promises. 

“Sasha,” she laughs, gripping his arm with her other hand as they glide. His heart still skips every time she calls him that, isn’t sure he’ll ever really get used to it. “You’re not hurting yourself because of me.” 

But I would.

I love you and I would. 

“Guess I’ll just have to keep you on your feet then, hm?”

“Good luck with that,” she laughs again. 

I don’t need luck. 

I just need you. 

***

Winter break looms around the corner and while she’s half focused on her first ever final exams, the other half of her attention is on the minutes she can spend with Aleksander. 

When she first started college she was counting down the days until her break, ready to hole back up in the safety of her bedroom at her parents house, but now the thought of going nearly a month without seeing him makes her chest ache. 

What if he leaves me?

What if he finds someone in his hometown?

What if he doesn’t love me the way I love him?  

“Baby?”

“Hm?” Alina hums. She looks up from her laptop, the study guide for her psych course illuminating her face. She hadn’t even realized Aleksander moved away from his kitchen table, his own textbooks open and abandoned. 

“Are you okay? I called your name like three times.” 

“M’jus tired,” she offers. It’s not a full lie, but doesn’t begin to touch upon the real fears that have intruded her thoughts lately. 

He grips her chin and forces her to look at him, frowning slightly as he strokes his thumb along one of the bags under her eyes. 

“We should take a nap,” he says. 

“If I take a nap, I won’t want to wake up.” 

Aleksander makes a noise of agreement and pinches her cheek softly before releasing his grip on her. She watches him look at his watch, then around the mess of their table, his head shaking, his own brain clearly fogged. 

“Oh, it’s in—” he says to himself. “Sweetheart, can you hand me my bag that’s behind you?”

She nods blearily and picks up the small black messenger bag, faded patches for bands she’s never heard of worn against her fingers. 

“Thank you, honey.”

Alina just hums again and tries to turn attention back to her psych notes, but she’s drawn back to Aleksander when she sees him extracting a needle and a vial from his bag. 

Her brain fights to catch up because he isn’t, there’s no way he—

He jams the needle into his arm.

“Sasha,” she hisses, suddenly alert. “What the—are you doing drugs?” 

“What?” 

“Don’t play dumb,” she manages. “I know you like “do weed” or whatever but Sasha, you’re injecting stuff into you? This isn’t—that’s not safe. I know I don’t know a whole lot but what if you, like, overdose? Or die? I can’t lose—you can’t do that.”

She could keep going but Aleksander puts both of his hands on her shoulders and forces her to look at him. 

“Alina, stop,” he orders. She wants to keep going but she shrinks slightly, mouth snapping shut. “Sweetheart, these are my shots, I’m not getting high.” 

“Your shots?” she repeats. “Like insulin?” 

She has a brief memory of the panic she felt when she found out her favorite Jonas brother was diabetic. She knows now that diabetes isn’t a death sentence, but she still has a phantom feeling of worry that washes over her. 

“Alina,” he laughs lightly, “it’s my t-shots.” 

She blinks. 

“Y-your what?” 

“Oh, honey,” he sighs, smiling softly. “My testosterone. I thought you knew, I’m so sorry I scared you, baby.” 

“Oh, it’s your—oh.” 

“God, you’re so fucking cute.” 

“Sasha.” 

“You know, technically I can take my shots in my ass,” Aleksander says with a smirk, “You want to stick it in me next week, baby? Could be hot.”

“You are the worst,” Alina grumbles. “I was worried.” 

She crosses her arms against her chest and huffs when Aleksander wraps his arms around her shoulders from where he’s standing to the side of her. He kisses the top of her head repeatedly and calls her his silly, beautiful girl over and over again to keep her from staying mad. 

***

Aleksander, despite all his hookups, has never had a girlfriend during Christmas. 

He’s never had a person he’s loved this much and because of that, her present needs to be perfect. She’s perfect, it’s the least she deserves. 

The problem quickly becomes what to get her, as everything he considers feels wrong, not good enough, doesn’t come close to displaying how deeply he cares for her. 

Ivan’s no help; says to just buy her one of those squishmallows “girls like her” seem to like so much. That might’ve been helpful if he hadn’t already bought her one weeks ago, a cute little cow that he feels the need to turn around anytime he fucks her on her bed. 

Aleksander debates making her a mixtape but that seems too cliche; in a fit of insanity he considers getting another tattoo, only this time for her, but even he realizes that’s a bit much too soon. One day, he reasons, one day he’ll be able to add her to his sleeve. 

He’s starting to think he’ll never find something when he finally stumbles upon it in a tiny vintage store when he’s out shopping downtown, knows right away that it’ll be perfect for her. He doesn’t want to wait to give it to her and shoots her a text, asking if she wants to come over soon so they can exchange presents. 

ivan let me in lolol i’m already here !! xx

he left tho to “spare his ears” lolol xx 

but yes i have ur present too hehe xx 

see u soon sasha !! xxxxx 

Her texts come in rapid succession and he grins to himself replying with his own string of hearts. 

He might walk a bit faster towards his destination, towards her, but sue him. 

He’s in love. 

***

She can’t bear to look at herself, is far too afraid of overthinking things and chickening out completely. 

Alina was just glad it fit. 

She sits in his bed and waits, scrolling through tiktok to try and calm her racing mind. 

It doesn’t really work and she knows the only thing that will truly help at all is him. 

***

“Baby?” he says as he enters his apartment, expecting to find Alina on his couch but surprised to find it empty. 

“In here, Sasha!” she calls out from his room. He smiles to himself and walks towards the direction, excited to see her. He knows he just saw earlier in the day before her morning class, when she was all sleepy and cozy to the point where he nearly dragged her back inside for a cuddle, but it’s been too long already. 

He’s just about to push open his door when she yells again, startling him. 

“Wait!” she says, her voice slightly muffled. “Um, can you—oh fuck.”

“What’s wrong, baby?” he asks behind his door. He frowns slightly in confusion, worried as to why she wants him out here. 

“I need you to, um,” she replies nervously. “I need you to promise not to laugh. Like really, promise.” 

“I promise, sweetheart,” he swears. His mind is spinning but whatever it is, he knows it must be serious. 

“O-okay, okay, you can, like, come in, but no laughing, Sasha, please.” 

He pushes the door open hesitantly as if to give her time to change her mind again, but the protest doesn’t come and he thanks every higher power there is that it doesn’t because what the fuck. 

His girlfriend is sitting in the center of his bed, her knees underneath her wearing the prettiest red lingerie set he’s ever seen. It’s pushing her breasts up in a way that makes his mouth water, the sheer material doing nothing to hide the hard outlines of her nipples. He manages to tear his eyes away long enough to look at the matching set of panties, high on her hips with lacy straps wrapping around her thighs. 

She’s doe-eyed and trembling and he sets her present down on the ground, crawling onto his bed in front of her to gently take her face in his hands. 

“Oh, baby,” he swallows. “My girl, you’re—fuck, Alina, is this for me?” 

“Do y-you like it?” she mumbles. “Is it too much?” 

“You’re perfect,” he swears. “Jesus, look at you all dressed up for me. My beautiful girl, you’re—I’ve never seen someone so pretty, sweetheart.” 

He wipes away her tears before they can escape the corners of her eyes, knowing they’d come before she did. He doesn’t know how he got so lucky, leans forward to kiss her cute little nose just because he’s worried if he kisses her lips he won’t be able to stop. She wrinkles it adorably when he pulls away and he lets one of his hands wander to the ends of her pigtails, pulling it ever so lightly. 

“Lovely girl,” he coos. “I wanna touch you all over.”

“You can,” she manages, squirming slightly. “S’for you. I’m for you. I’m sorry if it’s kinda lame, but I—I just thought you might like—”

“Baby,” he interrupts gently. “I love it, Alina, I promise. What more could I ask for? My girlfriend’s all done up just for me, you’re the perfect present.” 

He loves the way her cheeks flush at that and he tries to refrain from kissing her all over. 

“God, I want—” he starts. 

“You can,” she says. “Whatever you want, you can.” 

“What do you want, honey?” he asks. “What does my pretty girl want?” 

“Whatever you want, Sasha, this is your present.” 

“Careful, baby,” he warns. He takes her bottom lip in between his fingers and holds. “What if I want to fuck you with my cock, hm? In your pretty pussy, or maybe that pretty ass of yours? Maybe I want to fill you up all over, not even let you come, just keep you full. What if that’s what I want, baby?”

“A-anything.” 

“Sweetheart—” he tries, releasing her lip. 

“Sasha, I trust you,” she interrupts. She grabs his wrist so she can lead it to her mouth, kissing his pulse point. “You’ll take care of me.” 

That makes his chest ache, this trust she has in him that’s bound to completely undo him one day. 

He can’t stop himself from kissing her then, pulling her face forward with his hands, tasting the tiny moan she lets out. He can feel her lips part and he makes a home out of the new space she’s offered, licking against her tongue. 

Her hands wander under his shirt and he hisses slightly at the cold press of her fingers on his abdomen. 

“Sorry,” she giggles against his lips, all sugary sweet and enough to make his teeth ache. He doubts she’s sorry at all, can’t even find the words to tease her choosing instead to just keep kissing her. 

Aleksander guides her down gently onto his bed, his body sliding over hers. He can feel her trembling hands push his shirt up towards his chest, and he helps her, breaking their kiss to slide the garment over his head. He returns his mouth to hers immediately, his tongue seating itself against hers. 

His hands trail up the inside of her thigh and he can feel her shiver against him. Aleksander planned to tease her, to run his fingers over the top of her panties, but instead of the barrier of clothing he expected to feel, he finds her wet cunt, dripping against his fingers. 

He drops his head into her shoulder to groan, swirling her wetness around his fingers to play with her clit. 

“God, Alina, you’re so—there’s no way you’re real,” he says into her skin. Her tiny moans echo in his room and he fits two of his fingers inside her just to hear it catch, a record scratching and correcting course. “How many times do you want to come before you get my cock, sweetheart? You decide, little girl, just tell me and I’ll give it to you.” 

“Sa-sha,” she whines, gripping his shoulders tightly in response to him curling his fingers inside the wet heat of her cunt. “I don’t care—I don’t—”

“You should, honey,” he tsks. He leans back slightly so he look down at her body, mesmerized by the deep flush of her chest, a pink against the red of her bra, the way her hips grind to fuck herself with his fingers. “I could fuck you forever, Alina. Keep you coming over and over again, make you forget everything but me, is that what you want, baby?”

“Please.”

He licks his lips and swallows roughly, nodding to himself.

“Let’s start with one then, hm?” he decides, “And then see where we go from there. How’s that sound, sweetheart?”

“Whatever you want,” she repeats, eyes fluttering when he curls his fingers again. 

She shouldn’t give him all this power over her, because if it were up to him he’d never let her leave his bed, that if they didn’t need to eat, or drink, or sleep, all he’d ever do with his life is find new ways to give her pleasure. 

He thumbs her clit and wets his lips.

“Just the one,” he says again. 

He wonders how long that’ll last. 

***

She should’ve given him a number.

Two orgasms on just his fingers without him even removing the rest of his clothes, the second followed closely after the first, a small one that had her gripping his wrist with no idea if she wanted to pull him off her or tell him to keep going. 

Alina knows if she told him she had enough he’d stop, but she realizes she hasn’t had enough, she’s not sure she’ll ever get tired of this feeling, of needing to chase this closeness to him. 

He trails his lips down her stomach and gives her time to push him away but she tangles her hands in his hair and holds on. 

***

Aleksander can’t get enough of her. 

She’s the sweetest thing he’s ever tasted and he’ll only ever want more. 

His baby is unbearably wet, the slick and slide of his tongue over her puffy clit dragging out the prettiest sounds he’s ever heard. 

“Sasha,” she whines. “I can’t, s’too much, d—. Please, please, please.” 

He responds to her by groaning into her cunt, gripping her thighs tighter and lapping at her even harder. 

He’d drown inside her if she’d let him, make himself at home and never leave, his favorite place on this earth second only to when his mouth is pressed against hers. 

“Oh, God, Sasha, I think I’m gonna— no, no, fuck.” 

Pretty girl.

Perfect girl. 

He licks her orgasm out of her and wonders if she’ll let him taste another. 

***

Alina can’t feel her bones, her body, she’s nothing but a pleasure fueled vessel for Aleksander to play with. 

“M’gonna fuck you now, honey,” Aleksander tells her. She blinks at him, takes in his naked body despite being unable to remember when he fully undressed himself. He traces his fingers against her thigh absently, pulling at the garter, goosebumps dispersing in their wake. “That okay, baby?”

“Y-yeah, Sasha.” 

She watches him through half-lidded eyes as he gets the strap from his bedside drawer and onto himself. They’ve only done this a few times and Alina still feels the nerves rush underneath her skin, soothed slightly when Aleksander leans over to cup her cheek in his hand. 

“You’re doing so well, baby,” he tells her. “You’re the perfect present.” 

Her eyes sting and there’s a thickness to her throat that she swallows down. There’s something in the way that he looks at her that makes her feel like he’s the only one that’s ever really seen her. 

Rather than moving on top of her like she expected, Aleksander fits himself on the bed next to her. He flips the script, helping her into his lap, both her thighs bracketing his hips. 

“Will you ride me, baby?” he asks, tugging at her nipple through the thin material of her bra. “Bounce on this cock like a good little girl?” 

“Oh, you want, um,” she stutters. “Are you sure?”

“I’ll help you, baby,” he promises. Aleksander strokes her hip bones gently, staring up at her with a fond smile. “I have you.”

She knows he does, he always does and she leans forward to kiss him to calm her nervous energy. He runs his hands up and down her arms to soothe her, groaning slightly when she grinds against the strap between them. 

“My little girl is always such a tease, huh?” he smirks. “Do you need me to put it in, baby? Or can you do it?” 

“Can you— I don’t think I—”

“Ssh, relax, I got you,” he coaxes. He lifts her slightly and she feels him part the lips of her cunt, a slight hiss passing her lips at how sensitive she’s become from overuse. “You’re okay, honey. Fuck, look at you. There you go, I told you I got you, always, sweetheart.” 

“Uh-huh,” she manages, letting him guide her further down his cock. He sets the pace slowly, letting gravity do most of the work until she’s full to the hilt, her entire body fighting off a wave of shivers. 

“Oh, my girl,” he groans. “How’s it feel, baby?” 

“M’full,” she whines. Her body moves forward slightly, trying to adjust to the object inside her and she she gasps at the spark of pleasure that teases its way up her spine. 

She’s delirious on love, on him. 

Alina’s almost certain if she rutted against his cock in just the right way she’d come right there, her entire body hot, her center slick. 

“You think you can ride me, honey? Bouncy little girl, I think you can do it,” Aleksander breathes. She watches him lick his lips, and she nods, settling her hands on his firm stomach. 

Alina raises herself slowly and sinks back down on him, tears stinging the corners of her eyes. It blurs the vision she has of Aleksander below her but she’s still able to see the way he’s biting at his bottom lip, how dark his eyes are taking in every inch of her. 

She manages to set a rhythm, her cheeks growing redder as the wet sounds of her cunt fill the room. 

“Fuck, you’re so pretty, baby,” Aleksander tells her. 

“Am I doing a good j-job, Sasha?” she asks. He licks at his thumb and runs it over her clit, causing her to jolt forward. 

“Are you doing a good job?” he repeats. She feels him start to meet her thrusts and she whines loudly, her nails digging into his stomach. “Baby, you’re being so good for me, perfect, everything about you is perfect.” 

He strokes her clit a little rougher, the silicone cock brushing deep inside her. 

“The perfect pussy,” he tells her, “Perfect hips, the cutest little tits—awe there are those tears, weepy thing,” he coos, and oh, she is crying, completely overwhelmed by his words and how he feels inside her. “Pretty girl, let me see you come. I need to see it, can you do it, baby?” 

She nods through her tears, her pussy clenching around the silicone with each upward movement of Aleksander’s hips, trying to keep him buried inside her. Her pitiful moans of pleasure are plucked out of her body one by one with each stroke against her overly sensitive clit, and her toes curl underneath Aleksander’s thighs, her entire body jerking forward as he makes her come again. 

Every part of her body feels like it’s on fire but he doesn’t let up, continues playing with her clit, continues fucking her as he didn’t just watch her fall apart at all. 

“Sasha, s’too much, hurts,” she whines. 

“Good hurt, or bad hurt, honey?” 

“Good.” 

He chuckles below her and she feels him resume thrusting up into her a little harder, her tits bouncing on her chest with each rock. 

“You’re gonna make me come, sweetheart,” he tells her. “I’ve been on edge since I first saw you, fuck, probably since this morning. You make me so goddamn crazy.” 

“M’sorry,” she warbles. She doesn’t want to be bad for him with anything and she sniffles loudly, her brain reduced to a mess of cotton candy fluff. 

“Come here, baby,” he coaxes, hands encircling her back and drawing her forward so her chest brushes against his. He kisses her lips and the wet skin of her cheek, murmuring sweet words repeatedly against her. 

Pretty girl, pretty thing, his, perfect, over and over with a growing sense of desperation from the man below her, her whines and squeaks drowning out his praise until she begs him to use her, a wanton admittance that has Sasha swearing into her neck, his groan vibrating against her skin. 

He does just that and holds her close as he fucks up into her, the slam of his hips against hers allowing her to do nothing but hang on and let herself just be. 

“Sasha, sasha, sasha.” 

“Fuck, I’m—fuck.” 

She feels him tense and grip her body tighter, her cunt clenching around his cock despite its growing numbness. 

Alina never wants it to end and to her surprise he rolls them gently, his thumb returning to her clit causing her to wail. 

“One more,” he coaxes, his free hand cradling her head, his eyes staring down at her when he resumes fucking her. “One more, perfect girl.” 

“Yeah,” she whines, “Fuck, o-okay, Sasha.” 

He chuckles above her, stroking her clit over and over again, and she can barely feel anything at all but she can feel him, this solid presence of safety and devotion.

She loves him so much she wants to die. 

"I-I-" she warbles. 

"Go ahead, sweet thing," he praises, "Come all over my cock, honey, you can do it."

All she can do is nod her head and hang on, hurdling further and further into this place of love and pleasure she wants to burrow herself into and never leave. 

***

She’s a mess of tears, of love bites and nail marks etched into her pale skin, her pussy a gleaming wetness that leaves him in awe of this perfect, perfect girl that’s all his. 

Pulling out of her feels like a crime, and she floats after him in a lust-filled haze, crawling on her knees when he stands by the side of his bed, as if the distance is too much for her. 

“See that, baby?” he manages. “See the mess you made all over my cock?” 

She trembles so prettily and she nods, doe eyes staring at his wet cock. He cups her cheek and traces her lip with his thumb, trying to calm the rapid beat of his heart. 

“Why don’t you suck it, honey?” he breathes, watching his thumb disappear inside her sweet little mouth, “You taste so fucking good, try it, baby, take my cock in your mouth.”

He removes his thumb and she chases it slightly, her eyes just barely open, nodding through her pleasure. 

“There you go, baby,” he guides. He swallows roughly, watching her glossy pink lips wrap around the end of the silicone. 

He swears his heart stops in his chest at the sight of her taking his cock into her mouth, her fluttery eyelids closing fully like she was the one getting pleasure out of this, as if he wasn’t the one feeling the silicone inside of him tug and pull with each movement of her mouth. 

No one’s ever done this for him before, not that he didn’t want it, but he didn’t think he’d ever find someone he trusted enough to do this with. 

Yet here he was, with Alina’s mouth on his cock and her gripping the part she couldn’t reach with her hand, rocking the other end of the strap inside of his cunt repeatedly over a spot that has him seeing stars. 

“Fuck, Alina,” he groans. “Fuck, just like that, sweetheart, your mouth feels fucking amazing, how’s it taste, baby? You taste how sweet your pussy is?” 

She lifts off with a line of her spit still connected, looking up at him as she continues to jerk at the strap with her hand. 

“Doesn’t taste as good as you,” she says with a teasing smile. 

“God, you—” he loses his train of thought when her mouth returns to sucking him off, lost on the sight of her cheeks hollowing out below him. It drives him a little insane knowing she’s never done this with anyone else, that among all her other firsts, this was yet another she gifted to him. 

He lets himself grab the back of her head, less so guiding and more so for something to hold onto, the little moans from her lips making him impossibly wetter. 

The toy bumps against his clit with each of her movements, a choked out call of her name leaving his lips just before he comes, his grip on her hair tightening as his cunt spasms against the toy inside him. 

“Fuck, baby,” he groans. He manages to catch his breath and she pulls off his cock slowly, smiling up at him shyly. 

“Good?” she has the audacity to ask. 

He groans again and practically tackles her to the bed, nipping at her shoulder as she squirms and giggles in his grip. 

“Sasha!” she laughs. 

“You are so—” he tries. “God, I really—” he catches himself and shakes his head. “You’re amazing, this was the best Christmas present ever.” 

She beams up at him and buries her head into his chest, trying to wrap herself around him like some kind of octopus. 

“M’glad you like it,” she says. “I also got you those donuts you like from that spot downtown; they're in the kitchen.” 

I love her, I really love her and I need to do something before I blurt it out loud and ruin everything. 

Her present.  

Thank fuck. 

“Oh, I almost forgot,” he says, extracting himself from her grip with a laugh when she pouts. He leans over to shuffle around towards the foot of his bed where he left her present in his desire filled haze. 

He sits back up and extends a small box towards her, hoping his smile doesn’t look too nervous. 

She takes the box and sits up against his headboard, pulling his sheet until her chest is covered. 

“Open it, honey,” he coaxes. 

He watches her bite her bottom lip, those pretty cheeks of hers flushing as she opens the box. Aleksander can hear his heart pounding in his ears but he manages to catch the little gasp of surprise when she sees the locket inside. 

It’s gold and pretty and dainty, a small bit of sunshine for his starlight filled girl. 

“Sasha,” she whispers. “Is this really for me?” 

“Silly girl, who else would it be for?” he chuckles. Who else have I fallen for this deeply? “There’s a—” he points at the locket, trying to swallow his nerves. “You can open it too.” 

She peers up at him and then looks back down, carefully opening it as if she’s worried it’ll break. It clicks open and he watches her eyes widen, making a softed choked noise. 

“Oh, it’s— Sasha, I love it,” she sniffs. He watches her trace the engraving of the pretty script ‘A’ on the inside with her finger, smiling down at it. 

“You like it?” 

“It’s perfect,” she repeats. “You’ll be right on my heart forever.” 

And oh. Oh, that’s— he didn’t think of it like that and she glances up at him quickly, her entire face heating. 

“Um, I mean—it stands for ‘Alina’, doesn’t it?” she asks. He can see the fear in her eyes and wants it to go away immediately, trying to get closer to her, to touch her and make things better. “I’m— I’m so fucking stupid,” she mumbles. “Sorry, f-forget it.” 

“It can stand for Aleksander too,” he says quickly. “I got it because of your name, but it can mean both. Twins, remember?” he says with a smile. Her sun and my moon. “It’s you and me, always.” 

He strokes her face with his thumb repeatedly, willing her to look back up at him. 

She sniffs. 

“I don’t wanna go home for Christmas,” she says quietly, eyes downcast. 

“Oh, honey.” 

He takes her into his arms and can’t help but feel the same, unable to fathom how he’s going to spend the next few weeks without his sweet girl. 

She mumbles something into his neck that he doesn’t quite understand but he lets himself pretend she’s saying exactly what he feels for her anyway. 

***

He drives her to the airport and hugs her until a worker tells him he needs to move his car. 

“I’ll call you so much you’ll get sick of me,” he promises, sweet kisses pressed into the skin of her forehead, wet, this time from his tears. 

He’s glad her nose is buried in the front of his shirt so she can’t see, he’s supposed to be the strong one after all. 

“M’never gonna get sick of you, Sasha,” she mumbles against him. “I miss you so much already.” 

He knows he can’t beg her not to go, that it’s not fair, that realistically they’ll both survive the few weeks until she’s back on campus. 

He still holds her tighter anyway, hellbent on burning the scent of her shampoo into his nose and the shape of her body against the space right along his heart. 

***

Winter break doesn’t feel like a break at all. 

Her parents aren’t very social people, but they want to talk to her more than she’s used to, hear what’s going on at college, about how her studies are going or if she’s found a boyfriend yet. 

She doesn’t fully tell them, only shares that she does have a friend, a feat in itself that has her parents beaming knowing she never had anyone at all when she was in high school. 

Her mom had asked to see a picture and Alina scrambled to find one where they weren’t pressed together completely, sharing a picture she took of him after they went ice skating together. 

“He’s cute,” her mother had hummed, a knowing look in her eyes. Alina had blushed hard enough that she had to excuse herself from the den, her mother’s light laughter following her all the way to her room. 

It’s hours later by the time Aleksander can finally hop on their nightly facetime call, complaining about all the pastries his mom tried to get him to help her with, only to berate him the entire time for doing it wrong. 

She smiled through his story, the ache that was in her heart all day finally soothing. 

She missed him. 

It was odd not seeing him everyday, but she was glad that Aleksander seemed to want to talk to her as much as she wanted to talk to him. 

“Are you guys doing anything for Christmas?” Aleksander asks her, his face slightly grainy on her laptop thanks to her parents' spotty internet connection. 

She adjusts the earbud in her ear and shrugs, nibbling her nail. 

“Probably just exchanging presents,” she tells him. Her parents hadn’t even put up a real tree this year, just a tiny one that sat on the center of their dining room table. “My grandma might come over too and usually if she does, we make cookies.” 

“Cute,” Aleksander replies with a small smirk. “You gonna share those with me?”

Alina rolls her eyes, smiling slightly. 

“I don’t think they’ll make it through TSA,” she jokes. “But we can make some when I get back, hopefully they’ll be sweet enough for you.” 

“I can think of something sweeter I want.” 

“Sasha,” Alina giggles. “That was lame, even for you.” 

“Oh, it was lame, was it?” he teases. “I didn’t realize it made me a loser to miss the taste of my girlfriend’s pussy.” 

“Sasha,” Alina says again, her cheeks heating immediately. Her stomach dips and her hips move, jostling her laptop against her thighs. 

“I think I’m addicted to it, sweetheart,” he tells her. “I’ve been getting myself off every night thinking about you. I can’t stop thinking about how pretty you looked, sucking my cock and bouncing in my lap.”

Alina swallows roughly, her throat suddenly dry.

“Have you been thinking about me too, honey?” he asks gently. She has to look away from his stare, focusing instead on a poster that’s half hanging on her wall, a singular piece of tape keeping it from falling to the ground. “Have you gotten yourself off? Thinking about me eating you out? Fucking you?” 

“I can’t,” she admits in a rush. 

“What do you mean?” he asks. “Are your walls too thin? Can’t keep quiet enough?”

“It’s not that,” she replies, still unable to look at him despite feeling the heat of his stare through her screen. “I just—I can’t. Like I t-try and it doesn’t work. S’not the same without you.” 

“Oh… oh, honey,” Aleksander barely whispers. “Look at me, baby.” She obeys, blinking nervously back at him. “Do you need me to help you? Talk you through it?” 

“You mean like now?” 

He shrugs.

“Sure,” he replies. “Unless you got somewhere to be.”

She shakes her head, unsure of what she’s supposed to do. 

“I’ve never—”

“I know,” he interrupts gently. “I know. We’ll go slow, okay?” 

“Okay,” she whispers. “How do we—what should I do?”

“Let’s start with your top, hm?” he suggests. “Take your shirt off, sweetheart, wanna see your pretty breasts.” 

Alina pulls at the bottom of the hem and slides it over her head, her hair curtains down and she has to fight the urge to cover herself, the cold air in her room hardening her nipples and sending goosebumps across her skin. 

She feels nervous despite Aleksander seeing her naked numerous times. It feels different somehow, that even though he’s looking at her with desire from her laptop, that she’s still alone in her room. She fights down the feelings of embarrassment, focusing instead on how clearly Aleksander is already affected by her, reminding herself that if he was here, he’d already be running his hands along her skin and kissing her the way she needs. 

“Touch them for me a little, like how I would,” he directs her. She cups her breasts and tugs at her nipples, sighing out pleasantly at the feeling. “Little harder, honey, you know I like to go rough on them.” 

She pulls harder on her nipples and gasps, her hips canting up in search of some kind of friction but finding nothing but the hard body of her laptop. Aleksander licks his lips and she wants nothing more than to feel his lips on her skin, that instead of her own fingers it was his, or his mouth, wet and hot and just as hard. 

“You’re doing such a good job, baby,” he praises. She pulls at her breasts again, watching as Aleksander takes his own shirt off. He looks warm, and she wants nothing more than to be seated in his lap, feeling her bare chest rub against his own. 

“I miss you,” she whispers. It leaves her lips involuntarily and she berates herself internally. They’re having sex, she shouldn’t be this emotional. “I’m sorry, I—”

“I miss you too,” Aleksander promises. Her eyes flutter closed and she focuses on his breathing through her headphones. “Do you want to keep going, sweetheart?”

She nods her head, biting at her bottom lip. 

“Put your laptop at the end of your bed and why don’t you take the rest of your clothes off, yeah?” he says. “I wanna see all of you, baby.”

She does as he asks, positioning her laptop so he can see her entire bed. She shimmies out of her sleep shorts and her underwear, sitting on the center of her bed once she’s done, waiting for his next instruction. It feels good to let herself be led like this, to have someone she trusts, someone she loves, guide her through something so intimate. 

“Good?”

“M’good.”

He nods, swallowing.

“Okay, on your knees then, sweetheart, need to have the perfect view.” 

Her cheeks heat and her mouth pops open. 

“Do you mean, like, um, like—”

“Like your head by your pillows, honey, so you’re nice and comfortable,” he explains. “Can you do that for me, Alina?” 

She’s nervous at the thought of doing this but not uncomfortable and nods her head at her decision, getting into the position he requested. She hears him suck in what would've been a quiet breath, but echoes loudly in her headphones. 

She feels exposed and open, her knees pressed against her mattress, her head on her pillow, her ass up in the air like a present for Aleksander to take in. 

“You’re so pretty, honey,” Aleksander says softly. “You’re going to look even prettier when you touch yourself. Do you want that baby, you want to start touching yourself?” 

“Y-yes.”

“Good,” she hears. “Go ahead and put two fingers inside that little hole, baby,” he tells her. She listens immediately, sighing out at the feeling of something filling her. She didn’t realize just how wet she was and her fingers slide into her body with no resistance. 

Her face flames as she imagines what she he’s seeing, her ass in the air, legs spread with her cunt stuffed but her anxiety lessens when she hears him groan in pleasure. 

“Perfect, honey, look at those tiny fingers, no wonder you couldn’t get yourself off.”

“They’re jus’ small,” she mumbles, trying to bury them deeper inside herself but coming up short. 

“I know, baby, but you can do it,” he promises. “Why don’t you add a third? Along your other two, just like that, Christ, you—, that’s it, isn’t that better? Feel a little fuller, honey?”  

“Y-yeah,” she whimpers. She does feel fuller with three of her fingers inside her; Aleksander’s are longer, more skilled, but his words of encouragement make up for what her own anatomy lacks. 

“Fuck yourself on them, honey, just like I’d do it.”

She tries to mimic her movements like he normally does, curls and stretches them inside herself while her hips move back and forth, rocking her body in time with the turn of her fingers. 

Alina thinks of all the different ways Aleksander has fucked her and lets out a tiny moan, allowing herself to picture him doing this to her. 

“Use your thumb to play with your clit,” he says. She glances over her shoulder and can barely see his own fingers touching himself. It’s grainy and dark, but the thought of him touching himself to her makes her impossibly wetter, her legs spreading wider as she grazes her clit with her thumb like he told her to. 

“Fuck, you’re perfect,” Aleksander groans. “How’s it feel, baby? S’it good? You think I can help my little girl come?”

“Yeah, yes,” she whimpers. She’s never felt this close on her own before, this turned on. She thrusts her fingers in and out of her body aimlessly, delirious and drunk imagining it was him here doing this to her instead. 

“Told you I’d help you, baby,” he says. “Little girl just needed me to talk her through it. My poor baby couldn’t come without my help, huh?”

Her entire body flushes, her toes curling. She wanted to come for him so badly, this orgasm he’d been helping her build teetering on the edge of an explosion. 

She needs him to take care of her, always. 

Fuck.

Fuck.

“Mmph— daddy,” Alina moans. Fuck. Disgusting. Why did I—. He’ll hate me, he’ll hate me. “M’sorry— fuck, Sasha, I’m sor—”

“Fuck, fuck , baby, seriously?” Aleksander moans. “Calling me daddy when you’re in your parents house? Jesus, you’re dripping for me. Did you get all wet thinking about daddy fucking you?” 

“Oh, Sasha,” she whimpers. His permission to continue on with this sends her brain into a fog of lust-filled heat. “S’not fair. My fingers are too small. Need yours, daddy, need you.” 

She chokes back her moan as she hears him groan loudly through her headphones. It’s enough to imagine him here with her, that the fingers she’s got buried inside her are actually his. 

“Fuck, you’re so fucking beautiful,” Aleksander tells her. She can hear the tremble in his voice and it brings tears to her eyes, wetting her pillow. “The noises you make, baby, I miss you so much, can’t wait to taste you again, to get my hands on you.”

“Please, please, please,” she whines lowly, her thumb pressing firmly on her clit. “More, d-daddy more, tell me more.” 

“My little girl needs more?” he breathes raggedly. She can barely hear the wet noise of him fingering himself through her headphones and knows all she needs to do is turn around and look, but she can’t. “That little cunt is so pretty, honey. Drippy little mess for her daddy, right? I wanna lick you from behind, drink you right up and watch you cry for hours, honey. My sweet little girl, fuck, Alina, baby, go a little deeper honey, I know you can.” 

“Can’t daddy,” she cries, she’s trying, it’s not the same. She needs him here to help her, she needs his fingers, his mouth, him. “I can’t, I can’t, I wanna come, please.” 

“Should’ve gotten you a fucking vibrator for Christmas,” Aleksander mumbles. “Grab that teddy, sweetheart, put it under your hips.” 

“No, no, n—”

She can’t. 

She can’t. 

“Do it, sweetheart,” Aleksander tells her. “Don’t you want to come? Don’t you trust me, baby? It’ll help, I promise.” 

She does trust Aleksander and she does want to come. 

Alina grabs the teddy bear from her bed, one she’s had since she was little and innocent and nothing she is right now, shoving it between her legs to rut against. 

The texture on her thighs, the pressure of the bear, and Aleksander’s groan in her ears at the sight he sees makes her bite into her pillow so she doesn’t cry out so loudly she wakes the entire house. 

“That’s it, baby,” Aleksander guides. “Grind your hips against your bear, use him like you’d use my thigh, remember that first night?” As if she could ever forget, her answering moan only serving to spur him on. “I couldn’t believe you were real, I still can’t, I mean, fuck, look at you. Your perfect little pussy felt so good on my thigh, sweetheart. And I just had to talk you through it, you did all the work, my brave little girl getting herself off with daddy’s help.”

“Sasha,” she cries out. Alina screws her eyes shut and grinds harder against her bear, her fingers thrusting in and out of her body with each movement of her hips. “Think m’close, think m’gonna come, daddy.” 

“I know you are, baby,” he groans. “I’m gonna come too. You have no idea what you look like, honey. Fuck, I want to put my mouth on that pussy so bad. Gonna tie you to my bed and eat you out for hours, you won’t have to do anything, daddy will do all the work, baby.” 

“Fuck,” she curses. “Sasha, I think—Sasha.”

Her thighs tighten around her teddy bear and she clenches down on her fingers, pleasure cascading throughout her entire body, licking like flames against her skin. 

Her cunt spasms against her own fingers and she barely hears Aleksander’s praise, her orgasm hitting her like a shot. She thinks she’s mumbling as well and bites her pillow again to muffle the sound, afraid of the words leaving her lips. 

She feels her thighs start to loosen their grip and she slumps down slowly, releasing her pillow to catch her breath. 

“Fucking hell,” she hears Aleksander say. “That was— you still with me, honey?” 

Alina takes her fingers out of her and turns her head, meeting Aleksander’s gaze over her shoulder.

“M’still here,” she mumbles. “Jus’ died a little.” 

“Silly girl,” Aleksander replies, smiling as well. He runs a hand through his hair and she swallows at the sight of his arm flexing over his head. 

She reaches back to grab her laptop so she can position it by her head, unwilling to move from her position on her bed. Her bear is still tucked under her pelvis and she flushes thinking about it being sticky with her wetness. 

"Wait, did you even come?" Alina asks, feeling guilty, "I didn't even—"

"Yes," Aleksander laughs, dissipating her nerves, "Twice. We really do need to get you a vibrator. We can pick one out together, it'll be fun. I think it's time we got a bigger strap anyway, don't you think?"

Alina scoffs, blushing slightly as Aleksander smiles fondly at her. Sometimes when he looks at her like this it makes her wonder if he really does love her and a part of her wants to ask, but is too afraid of finding out his answer. Maybe he doesn't love her right now, but maybe he will if she gives him more time, doesn't pressure him into something he's not fully ready for. She can wait. 

“How’re you feeling, sweetheart?” he asks her. 

She stares at his pixelated face and lifts her shoulder slightly in some attempt at a shrug from her laid down position. 

“There’s no cuddling after,” she replies. 

“Don’t pout, little girl,” he teases. She only juts her bottom lip out further and he snorts, making her smile. “Can’t wait to kiss you again.”

Her heart thumps against her ribs and she nods her head against her pillow.

“Will you be my new year’s kiss?” she mumbles tiredly, her eyes drooping. She’s grateful they had decided to both come back to campus after Christmas during their winter break; she’s not sure if she would’ve made it until the middle of January to be with him again. 

“Of course, baby, there’s no one else I want to kiss.”

I love you. 

“Stay on until I fall asleep?” 

Her eyes are closed but she swears she can hear him smile. 

“Of course, sweetheart.” 

***

“I missed you, I missed you, I missed you.” 

Her legs wrap around his waist and her nose presses into his neck, her words repeated into his skin. 

He kisses the side of her head and laughs, holding onto her tightly. 

“I missed you too, baby,” he tells her. “I missed you too.”

“She wasn’t even gone all break,” Ivan calls out. Aleksander had honestly forgotten he was there and he peers over Alina’s head to look at his friend. “Barely two weeks. Unbelievable. You’d think you went away to war.” 

“Too long,” Alina mumbles against him, causing Aleksander to chuckle. 

He flips Ivan off for good measure.

*** 

She realizes it the moment he takes her into his arms. 

That her parent’s house, the home she just came from, isn’t her home anymore at all. 

It’s right here, in strong arms and kisses against her cheeks and hair, promises whispered into her skin over and over again. 

***

They don’t plan anything extravagant for new year’s eve. Alina had stayed over the night before and every other night since she’s been back, the both of them reasoning that Alina’s dorm building was just too quiet. 

They grab breakfast in the morning and then load up with snacks and alcohol at the grocery store. Ivan’s heading to Fedyor’s for their family party, leaving them alone in the apartment for the remainder of the night and allowing Aleksander to see just how loud Alina can get as he fucks her with a newer strap, bigger, just for her.

She asks for a nap afterwards and they spend the afternoon curled on his couch watching Sixteen Candles.

Aleksander’s never been happier. 

He could do this with her everyday for the rest of his life and be happy. 

It scares him yet somehow comforts him, knowing that this person curled up against him exists at all and that within his lifetime he was able to have this with her. 

He makes them ramen for dinner and she makes these fruity little cocktails that make her lips taste like raspberries and sugar that he can’t get enough of. 

She eats him out for a little while after, taking a cat nap against his thigh in the space between his legs, Aleksander’s fingers absently coming through her hair until the ball is starting to drop and his jostles her awake as lightly as he can so she doesn’t miss it. 

“I fell asleep?” she mumbles, wiping at the bit of drool that slipped past her lips. She crawls up against him on the couch, letting Aleksander pull her fully into his lap, her nose nudging into his cheek. 

“Didn’t want you to miss your new year’s kiss,” he tells her. “We can go to bed after, sweetheart.” 

“Mm, that sounds nice.” 

He chuckles into her hair, watching as they begin to countdown the seconds until the new year begins. 

“Sasha?”

“Hm?” 

He feels her press a small kiss to his cheek, the telltale signs of the curve of her smile just enough for him to pick up 

“I’m really happy we met that night,” she says softly. “And I’m really excited to start this year with you.” 

His throat feels unbearably thick with emotion and he moves her chin with his thumb so he can look into those eyes he loves so much. 

“I can’t wait to spend this year with you,” he tells her softly. He wants to tell her about all the years he wants to spend with her but holds back, the smile that spreads across her face more than worth it. 

The countdown grows closer to zero and he draws her lips forward, heart pounding in his ears when they meet, sugary and lovely as ever, his sunshine filled girl lighting up all the spaces inside him that will forever feel dark and hollow without her here with him. 

***

+January 

Their kiss breaks and she pulls away in a daze, smiling and nudging her nose against his. 

“Happy new ye—” she starts.

“I love you.” 

She pulls back and blinks at him, her mouth falling open with an audible click. 

He loves me? 

This can’t be real, it can’t be. 

“You—do you mean—”

His cheeks are red, a blush downing his cheeks instead of hers for once, because instead of a nervousness she’d expect, an overwhelming sense of calm washes over her. 

“Yeah, honey,” he whispers, reaching up to stroke her cheek with his thumb. “I love you. Probably more than I should.” 

She leans into his palm, smiling softly. 

“I love you too.” 

Aleksander smiles at her openly, awe filled like he can’t quite believe it, like she hasn’t been feeling it since probably the night she met him. 

She can’t help but giggle. 

“Like, for real?” he confirms. 

She laughs louder and nods her head, kissing him again, all smiles and barely a kiss at all. 

“Yes, Sasha, like for real.”

I love you.

“I love you,” she says again. She can say it now, it isn’t just her, he loves her too.

He loves her too. 

“I’m gonna say it all the time now,” he warns. He kisses each of her cheeks, drawing soapy giggles from her lips.

“I thought I’d be the first to say it,” she admits with a smile. 

She feels his arms wrap around her, her hand sliding against his shirt along his chest. 

“I never thought I could get this lucky,” he says quietly. 

She peers up at him from her spot against his chest, putting her palm against his cheek. 

“Oh, Sasha.” 

There’s no other words to say, only a feeling of warmth that settles inside her chest, wrapped around her heart like a neat little bow. 

Her heart is a present for him to keep safe inside his own hands, for as long as he’ll have it, her own selfish desires wanting him to keep it for years and years to come. 

***

Years wouldn’t feel long enough, so he’ll just have to settle for the sweet spot between always and forever with her. 

fin.