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Santana couldn’t believe Tina was asking her to do this. It wasn’t like she and Cohen-Chang were the best of friends as it was but she suspected Sugar had something to do with the shorter, Asian girl putting her animosity toward Santana aside and inviting her out with them for drinks. Maybe this was her trying to earn Santana’s forgiveness after being the one to blab to her about Brittany’s new boyfriend.
“Santana, c’mon. You nearly shouted my ear off when I spilled the tea about Brittany and…”
Santana gave her a sharp glare and Tina gulped, holding up her hands defensively. Sugar, Marley, and Mercedes, who was in town recently visiting her parents, sent the gothic girl a warning look. Sugar huffed in annoyance.
“You know what I mean. Anyway, everyone can see that you’re stressing out big time… you need to unwind, maybe a night out with friends will help.”
“You’re not my friend.” Santana snarled. The truth was, the girl was right. Santana’s life was spiraling completely after she had dropped out of college a while back and finding out that Brittany had replaced her with someone else was the final straw. The thought of drinking away her sorrows was appealing. Still, the last thing she needed was Tina of all people looking at her with pity in her eyes. She didn’t need her charity. Since when was she a bigger loser than these girls? Besides, the last thing she felt like doing when she was this depressed was going to some club in Lima with a bunch of girls she barely liked.
“Anyway…guys, let’s just go. My limo driver is getting impatient!” Sugar cut in quickly with her high-pitched, loud voice, breaking through the tense moment and putting a hand on Tina’s shoulder to calm her, hoping to keep the peace when it looked like she was about to go off on Santana.
They arrived at the new club, which was called The Pussy Cat of all things, making Santana snicker. It definitely sounded like a strip club. The group found a table and began ordering drinks as the three girls talked about school while Santana was silent.
Santana grimaced, tensing up and accidentally elbowing Tina with force as she spotted two familiar tall, pale blonds dancing together from across the room. Her world came crashing down and she froze in place, dropping the glass she was holding. Santana felt her heart shatter completely as Brittany and Sam smiled and laughed with each other, an obvious, easy fondness between them and Sam’s arm around her waist in an intimate gesture, oblivious to Santana's presence. That was where Santana’s arm should have been and only hers. Tina kept saying something to her but her voice was drowned out as Santana was completely focused on watching the blonde girl.
“Santana! Hey, Santana we’ve been calling your name for the last five minutes and if you’re just going to ignore…wait, whoa- is that who I think it is?!”
Tina quickly noticed who Santana was staring at and groaned. Of all people who could have showed up that night, it had to be the very couple they were ostensibly trying to distract Santana from fixating on. Brittany was now dancing to Single Ladies perfectly, others around them stopping to stare at her and cheer her on. At one point her soft, startled blue eyes caught Santana’s, widening in surprise at her ex being there and they both felt breathless, entranced by each other for a moment before Brittany tore her gaze away. She looked gorgeous in her low cut, gold mini dress and her lips painted in a stunning shade of crimson.
Up in the club (club), just broke up (up)
I’m doing my own little thing
Decided to dip (dip), but now you wanna trip (trip)
'Cause another brother noticed me
I’m up on him (him), he up on me (me)
Don’t pay him any attention
Cried my tears (tears), for three good years (years)
You can’t be mad at me
'Cause if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
Santana felt the anger rise up in her the more Sam touched Brittany and flirted with her. Who the hell did this asshole think he was? Brittany wasn’t his.
Brittany had noticed Santana’s presence and although part of her was elated to see her, that same deep sadness she felt since their breakup took over her. She tried to keep a brave face and continue dancing even though it was difficult to concentrate on anything other than the almost black eyes that were burning into her.
It was ironic that the song she was dancing to described her situation with her ex so well. Santana had her chance - had many, many chances to be with Brittany and she wasn’t going to let her night be ruined just because her ex-lover was glaring at them from across the room, even if a tiny thrill went through her at the way Santana’s jaw clenched, her eyes narrowing in jealousy whenever her new boyfriend touched her or talked to her. She knew how possessive Santana could be and it was probably killing her to see Brittany in the arms of someone else. She tried her best to ignore Santana’s furious expression and enjoy herself for once, instead of being depressed as she had been for the past few months.
As Brittany twirled around and twisted her hand, pointing to her ring finger as part of the dance and her eyes locked with Santana's again. In a sense, she was sending her ex a message, loud and clear.
Santana swallowed hard, thinking about all of those fleeting moments when she had thought about slipping a ring onto her girl’s finger but she’d buried those thoughts, thinking it would be too good to be true if one day she could actually marry Brittany. Now it seemed like she had lost Brittany to this man and she was dancing with him again, the way she used to only dance with Santana. Santana eventually snapped as she couldn’t take it anymore, the way Brittany was just ignoring her now making her even more agitated.
“Hey, you look really mad... if you want we can totally just leave right now…” Tina started to say in a nervous voice, gasping when Santana got up and walked in the direction of the couple without another word. Mercedes, Sugar and Marley exchanged awkward glances, noticing where Santana was heading and knowing that this wouldn’t end well. “Wait, Santana! I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Santana rounded on Sam and glared at him murderously, pushing her way in between the couple so she was standing between them. Brittany looked on in surprise, her lips parting as she couldn't take her eyes off of her ex lover. It was the first time she had been in the same room as Santana since she started dating Sam and she hadn't wanted Santana to find out, especially like this, knowing how badly the girl would react. The drinks Santana had were making her anger reach a boiling point, finally saying what she wanted to say the moment she saw the couple together.
“Hey, Frog Face, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”
“Santana?”
He looked up fearfully as she came closer. The last thing he expected was for Brittany’s ex-girlfriend to be there on his date night with Brittany and looking like she wanted to strangle him on the dance floor. He had heard rumours that Santana was back in town and hoped she wasn’t there to start trouble. It seemed that his intuition was right that the dark-haired woman wouldn’t be too happy about him dating Brittany. Sam was somewhat afraid of Santana and her tempers but he told himself that he wasn't going to let her walk over him.
“W-what are you doing here?”
Santana rolled her neck, her dark eyes darting across his face and her brows furrowed.
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t punch you in the face.”
Brittany frowned as she heard Santana making her threat towards Sam. She sighed sadly, knowing exactly what Santana was going to be like.
“Santana, please, don’t act like this.” She pleaded. Santana was too lost in her feelings of hurt and anger at that moment to take what Brittany was saying on. Sam’s brows drew together and he pressed his lips together, furious at the way Santana was behaving.
“That’s right, listen to her, Santana. I get that you don’t like me dating her but it isn’t your place to decide, so just leave us alone.”
“Not my place?" Santana laughed bitterly, her jaw tensing as she continued to stare Sam down with furious dark brown eyes. "Who the fuck do you think you are? I was her girlfriend and her best friend. It wasn’t your place to come between us, to just push your fucking fish lips in and take advantage of Brittany.”
Sam put his hand on Santana’s shoulder, pushing her back when she came closer and Santana reacted by shoving him hard, a scuffle breaking out between them. She knew better than to get physical when she was fighting men but in this case her temper flared and the more she thought about Sam stealing Brittany away from her when she wasn’t around the more she wanted to strike out at him, unleashing the fury she felt.
She thought about Brittany being depressed and alone, about Sam being so determined to get into every girl's pants that he couldn't even leave Brittany alone. Sam had been Santana's friend too - at least she thought he was - and he dared to go after the one woman Santana loved the most, right after he had declared his love for Mercedes just months before. She landed a hard punch to his face and Sam looked up at her with a mixture of horror and outrage, cursing at her. There were collective gasps from everyone around them, the crowd clearing away as a guard rushed in to separate the two.
Santana huffed, turning and walking away with her fists clenched at her side without another word to the couple. She chanced a look at Brittany as she passed, noticing the shocked, upset expression on the girl’s face and trying to ignore the feeling of guilt it caused in her. She knew one thing for sure, if it hadn’t already been clear to her ever since Tina first told her about Brittany and Sam; Brittany belonged to Santana. She was going to make Brittany realize how wrong this guy was for her and win her back.
Brittany peered through the curtains, biting her lower lip sadly and just shaking her head at the sight of Santana arguing with Sam for the last ten minutes in the empty auditorium. She heard all of the petty insults Santana had tossed out at first, gradually becoming more vicious and brutal as her rant went on, then how passionately the Latina sang about Brittany being hers. When the blond boy told her to let the girl go, Santana adamantly refused. Brittany saw a glimpse of the woman she loved at that moment and it was difficult not to give in right then to what Santana was demanding so forcefully.
Her emotions were mixed and she was more confused than she had ever been. Brittany couldn’t deny that it gave her such a thrill to hear Santana say all those things about her and in defense of her. She wanted to belong to Santana. She had wanted Santana to tell her she was hers all along, ever since their breakup and make everything right between them again. She was moved by how Santana put everything she had into the song and emerged as the clear victor. She couldn’t deny that some part of her maybe subconsciously wanted to invoke this reaction from her ex girlfriend when she saw Brittany was dating someone else.
It was just too late. She would have given anything just a few months ago to hear Santana claim her and be in her arms again but instead Santana had refused her anytime Brittany put her heart on the line and asked her out again.
The blonde had been shot down everytime, crying so many tears in the secrecy of her bedroom over the girl and eventually, when her heart had been broken too many times, she reluctantly accepted Sam as her new boyfriend. Santana had made it clear that she didn’t want Brittany anymore… So how could the girl blame her for eventually moving on when she gave her no reason not to? Brittany too had changed; she was no longer a little girl dying for any affection Santana would give her. She wanted to think about her own happiness as well.
Brittany needed a friend and she couldn’t handle the misery of not having Santana to talk to anymore so there was Sam Evans. He was all she had left. He was dependable and sweet but he never excited her the way Santana did. He never made her feel any of the things Santana did, either physically or emotionally. Their lack of a physical relationship was clearly driving Sam away from her and Brittany found that it didn’t matter to her if it did.
He pushed her down on the bed and kissed her. Brittany froze, pushing against his shoulders and pulled away. He stared at her in confusion, blinking a few times in disbelief. Brittany frowned, knowing what he wanted but not wanting to give it to him the way she would have to any boy years before. Something in her had changed.
“No… stop, Sam.”
“Why? We’re all alone and your parents won’t be back for hours, like you said. Come on, Brittany, we’ve been together for like a month now. This is the first time we've made out all week.”
Brittany rolled her eyes, scooting over to sit on the other side of the bed and putting space between them. She didn’t want his lips on hers or his hands on her body. There was only one person Brittany wanted to kiss her and touch her. That person was a million miles away instead of in Brittany’s bedroom where she should be. She needed brown skin against her freckled, white skin and dark eyes filled with fire locking onto hers, not Sam with his translucent skin and sleepy, puppy-like blue eyes.
“Sorry, Sam. I just don’t want to.”
“Why not?” He frowned, obviously frustrated by her response but then just sighed when she just said nothing for a long, awkward moment. “Is this about… her?”
“Sam…please, don’t.”
"I'm starting to think you..."
Brittany turned away from him and tried to keep her voice controlled. Sam's voice trailed off and he shook his head. The message was clear that she did not want to get into the topic of her ex. She could tell that Sam was bewildered by her reaction but she didn’t feel like explaining herself.
“Okay, we don’t have to - we can just watch something or hang out. I’m sorry if I upset you. We can do whatever you want.”
Brittany wanted to ask him to leave. He seemed to get the message and got up after a few minutes, making an excuse about needing to go help Tina and Blaine with something. She lay back on the bed, sleepless for the rest of the night and thinking about dark eyes burning into hers on all of those nights when Santana's body would be arched over Brittany, sweaty skin pressed together in all of those heated moments. She felt safe and loved in those moments, appreciated in a way that she’d never feel with anyone else. She closed her eyes, a tear sliding down her cheek as she yearned for Santana's touch again.
At night, a few days after the confrontation between Santana and Sam, Brittany lay wide awake on top of her made up bed just wearing pink and white polka dot pajama shorts and a white tank top to sleep in, her long, beachy waves pulled up into a messy bun after she had washed her hair not long before. She absentmindedly stroked Lord Tubbington’s head as he curled up beside her, her notebook and Math textbook set out on her desk, still open to the page of half-finished homework.
Her mind was unsettled and yet again, sleep wasn’t coming easily to her. She lay on her back for a while thinking about the one person who always seemed to drift in and out of her mind. Usually Santana was the only person who would be able to calm her down when she was like this but now she was the source of her dilemma. She thought about how much Santana loved her in this particular set of pajamas.
She had just said goodbye to Sam, who had stayed over to do homework with her for the last few hours. Brittany told him the day before that she just wanted to be friends and although he had been irritated by her decision, he was forced to respect it if he wanted to continue to be on good terms with the girl. There were no real hard feelings between them despite the break up and Brittany was relieved after finally being honest with him that she wasn’t interested in him romantically.
Her phone vibrated and she looked at the screen, shocked when she saw a text from Santana of all people this late at night. Santana hadn’t so much as called or texted her in weeks, giving her radio silence the entire time and now apparently she wanted to meet up at midnight. Part of her was relieved that Santana was still in town, regardless of how unusually tense and distant they were. It was so unlike their normal, casual and relaxed dynamic with each other.
I’m outside your window.
Brittany rolled her eyes a little, feeling a mixture of disbelief and exasperation at her ex lover. She glanced out the window and sure enough, she saw Santana’s car parked there, like it had been countless times before. Ordinarily, Santana coming over would have made her feel giddy and content but tonight after what she saw a few days ago at the club and auditorium, she felt hesitant. She knew what Santana’s motives for coming over probably were and it wasn’t because she wanted a friendly chat with her ex.
Santana’s intense, dramatic nature was a little difficult for even Brittany to handle sometimes when she was in this kind of mood, swallowing her up even though Brittany normally loved that stormy side of her. For once, Brittany felt suffocated by that fierce intensity rather than enjoying being swept along for the ride.
Before she could even reply to the text, there was a soft rapping against her bedroom window as it was hit with a few pebbles. Brittany got up and opened the window in a daze. Santana climbed up the old oak tree beside it and was leaping into her room like an agile cat before Brittany could register what was happening, standing before her in just a black sweatpants and an old ratty t-shirt, her rich black hair falling to her shoulders.
All at once, Brittany felt the same sense of excitement she always felt at Santana’s very presence. Santana was so very cute when she was dressed casually like this, when she was looking so much like the girl Brittany knew, back before Santana became so confusing. It was seeing her dressed that way that was making it harder than ever for Brittany to resist running into her arms.
“Santana?”
“Are you seriously still dating Guppy Face?” Santana grumbled as a way of greeting. Brittany snorted in disbelief and shook her head, not in denial but in exasperation. Apparently Santana just wanted to cut straight to the point of why she was really here. Brittany just said nothing and Santana continued along the same line when the blonde girl didn’t respond for a long moment, the tension rising between them. It was obvious that she wanted to get a rise out of Brittany.
“Brittany, c’mon, we both know you can do so much better than that mediocre, weak-voiced Macauley Culkin lookalike.”
“Why? Because you’re jealous?”
Santana was silent for a long moment, losing her composure as Brittany locked eyes with her. She hadn't expected Brittany to say something like that.
“What? No way… It’s not… I’m not…”
Brittany just stared at her without saying a word and Santana couldn’t find the words to explain herself. Heat rushed to her face.
“I saw you in the auditorium, you know. That day when you were fighting Sam. It wasn’t nice that you were insulting him just because you’re jealous,” Brittany continued, narrowing her eyes and ignoring Santana’s previous remarks. As cute as Santana was, she wasn’t going to let her control how this talk between them went. "And what you did at the club, that wasn't right."
“Oh…” Santana realized she had been caught red-handed and it completely caught her off-guard when Brittany called her out. Her face tightened and she felt somewhat ashamed but also a little embarrassed that Brittany had heard her say all those things that she never meant for the girl to hear when she had her sing-off with the boy. She hated the thought that Brittany was disappointed in her for her brutal actions. Still, her anger towards Sam and frustration about him dating Brittany clouded her thoughts. She wasn’t sorry about what she had done or the intent behind it.
“I also know Elaine was never really your girlfriend and that you dropped out of college months ago.”
Santana’s shoulders slumped, not meeting Brittany’s eyes at this point, completely ashamed by now. Brittany wasn’t being aggressive or arguing and that somehow made it feel worse. Her voice was still as calm and gentle as always but she didn’t need to express her sadness about Santana out loud because her eyes and body language said it all. Santana got nervous and fell back on a tactic that was familiar to her: deflection.
“Trouts was driving off when I pulled up. Surprised he wasn’t spending the night with his new girl...”
Brittany rolled her eyes at Santana’s caustic, bitter tone. She wasn’t surprised this was going to be the topic Santana fixated on. She chose not to not reveal the fact that she and Sam were currently broken up. She had some other things that needed to be dealt with between them and Santana’s ego was a little too big at the moment. She had been cruel to Sam and Brittany didn’t want Santana to think that she got her way just by ambushing Sam the way she had.
Deep down, regardless of what she told Sam, Santana was the true reason why she couldn’t continue dating him - not because Brittany let her control who she dated or because the woman had locked Brittany away in an ivory tower the way Sam and Artie thought she did but because Santana’s very existence prevented Brittany from being able to truly love anyone else, even if that technically wasn’t the black-haired girl’s fault.
“Santana, stop.”
Meanwhile the Latina was overcome with jealousy, thinking of the way Sam had his big hands all over Brittany, holding her hand, touching her back or arm whenever she saw them. It was difficult to bite back the poison that was rising in her throat, especially when it seemed like the blonde girl was being so defensive over Sam and taking his side over Santana's.
“What? Did he already bore you to death with his pathetic comedy act? Is there trouble in paradise with the human Ken doll?” Santana sneered with a mirthless chuckle. She knew that talking about Brittany’s sex life was a low blow. Deep down, she was seething at the thought of Sam touching Brittany and she couldn’t help the fury that slipped into her voice, the venom just spilling out of her before she could reign it in. “Can’t say I’m surprised.”
“Why do you need to know?”
“Does he make you moan the way I used to?” Santana growled, cornering her and Brittany shivered, closing her eyes. Santana’s words evoked images of the many heated moments between them. She squeezed her thighs together just slightly, trying to quell the wave of arousal that rolled through her as Santana spoke. Santana’s scent was as musky as she remembered with that familiar hint of spice that set Brittany’s senses on fire. “Does he know how to please you the way I can?”
Santana moved even closer, her hot breath against Brittany's neck and her lips against her ear as she growled, her voice low and raspy. "You're mine."
Brittany loved how demanding and possessive Santana was being, her knees almost giving out as her toes curled. Everything about this was so hot and forbidden. It would be easy to give into temptation and kiss those full, sexy lips but something came over Brittany and she took a deep breath and put some distance between them, despite all of her senses telling her to submit to Santana... but that was exactly what Santana wanted.
“Santana, you’re the one who broke up with me months ago and everytime I asked you to get back together, you just pushed me away.” She replied quietly but firmly, not backing down. Santana was speechless at that as there was clearly nothing she could say to deny it but she was still scowling and staring off into the distance, her arms folded over her chest defiantly.
“Yeah, I- I know… but that doesn’t mean…” She stuttered for a moment, at a loss of how to explain herself. Brittany was making her say all these things that put her in such a vulnerable position but she couldn’t stop some of her true feelings from pouring out, even if it made her weak. “Look, I don’t want to argue with you but Brittany, how could you just move on from me so quickly after everything? I didn’t really mean… when I said those things… you know that… ”
“Then you just fly down here and immediately start your assault on Sam, after telling me you didn’t want you and I to be together anymore. You’re sending me mixed messages, Santana and unlike you, I don’t have a psychic third eye to figure out exactly how you’re feeling at any given moment.”
Santana realized how immature she had acted, flying into a rage and practically throwing a tantrum over Brittany and Sam. Her mother had given her an angry lecture when she saw how much money Santana spent on a plane ticket to Lima for just a few days and Santana had eventually admitted in an embarrassed voice that it was for Brittany, much to Maribel's confusion. She took a deep breath, trying to rationalize why she felt the way she did.
“He just isn’t good enough for you, Brittany. Can’t you see that? You - you deserve way better.”
“No, Santana, we both know this isn’t about that. Artie wasn't good enough, any other boy who has ever liked me wasn't good enough and now Sam isn't either. You wouldn’t think anyone was good enough for me except you.”
Santana was silent. She wanted to deny it but she knew everything Brittany had just said was the absolute truth. She could come up with a million excuses why Sam was too mediocre and pathetic for Brittany but even if the blonde found the perfect person to date, Santana wouldn't be able to do anything but burn with jealousy and hate them for taking Brittany away from her. Still, being confronted about it directly like this made her feel too vulnerable and she tried to deflect.
“Britt… just because I said those things after Grease and that day in the choir room when we... broke up… you know I never meant for you to actually date someone else.”
“What was I supposed to think when you said that? You insisted that it would be fine if I dated someone, boy or girl. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me when you acted like it would mean nothing to you if I belonged to someone else?” Brittany snapped, her eyes flashing and her normally soft voice had an edge to it that she rarely used, especially with Santana.
She wiped away tears that began to flow down her cheeks. She normally never argued with Santana and she hated having to do this with her but she couldn’t handle this tension between them anymore.
“Deep down, I knew it was a lie. We both knew you’d be super crazy jealous like you are right now but it still hurt me to my core to hear you act that way. I didn’t know what else to do to change your mind, Santana.”
“But why… why him? Did you just want to get back at me by choosing him?”
“It wasn’t about hurting you, Santana. You and Sam used to be friends but all of a sudden when he's dating me he's your worst enemy? I was single and Sam was the only real friend I had left to talk to because you weren’t even replying to my texts. I had to think of my own happiness too and it was miserable having no one since you were gone… ”
Santana stood still, her bottom lip trembling and her jaw hardening as she struggled to keep herself under control. Everything Brittany was saying was true and she felt like a complete jerk for how she had treated her. She hated the thought that it was because of her own actions that Brittany was so depressed for so long.
“I- I was trying to do the right thing. I didn’t want you to be stuck with me and unhappy. The thought of you being unhappy…Brittany after that day at the book club when you told me you had a panic attack when I left you behind... I realized you were so hurt because of me. I knew I had to do something… I never wanted to put you through that again. I wanted to protect you by giving you that freedom to move on…” Santana argued, taking on a defensive mode. “You deserved better. I was just trying to protect you even if it was from myself.”
“I know you were but did you ever stop to think about how I felt? That maybe I wanted to make that choice for myself?”
Santana frowned. She had been so selfish. She was so caught up in her own messy feelings that she hadn’t even thought about it from that angle. She hadn't even thought to talk it out with Brittany and figure out what the girl wanted. At the time, everything was so turbulent and she just thought she was doing the noble thing, the thing that someone who truly loved Brittany would do to help her. She was too focused on her own feelings to see the big picture.
“How did you think it would make me feel when you showed up to tell everyone you replaced me with a tall, dancer girl who’s everything I’m not? She’s the sophisticated college girl on the cheerleading team…I’m the failure repeating senior year and kicked off of the team. You knew it would hurt me to see you two together but that’s exactly what you wanted, isn’t it? It’s like you just wanted to use her to make me cry.”
“Britt… I-”
Santana’s face softened when Brittany began to cry openly in front of her. She had been so stupid, selfish and thoughtless to say and do those things to Brittany and now she was crying because of Santana. She never wanted to make Brittany feel this way. Santana placed her hands on her face, cupping her cheeks gently and was relieved when the taller girl didn’t push her away.
“Brittany, look at me. Elaine was a mistake… she never meant anything to me. I was so hurt and I wanted you to feel the same hurt I was feeling. Okay… I lied… when I said it would be okay for you to be with someone else. I was such a fool to even say that for a second. To speak my worst nightmare into existence.“
“I just don’t understand. Why do you always lie about your deepest feelings?” Brittany asked in between sobs, “Why do you only seem to want me when I'm taken by someone else? You always run away from what you truly want and I just don’t get it, Santana. You’ve spent your whole life hiding from what you truly want and then just when I thought we finally made it… that we were together the way we were always meant to be, you just wanted to run away from me again.”
Santana knew what she had to do. She had always wanted Brittany more than anything she had ever wanted in her life and the thought of her with someone else killed her. She wiped a few tears from her own eyes and her anger diffused as all she could feel was overwhelming guilt.
“Look… you’re right… I’m so, so sorry, Brittany. I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me,” She sniffled, forcing herself to look into blue eyes and desperate for the girl to understand her. “I'm sorry for being such a mess. I hurt the person I care most about in the world.”
Santana looked down silently, tears flowing freely now down her cheeks. She wondered if Brittany would tell her to leave and never have anything to do with her again. Instead, she felt arms immediately wrap around her, pulling her close.
“Of course I forgive you.”
Santana's eyes widened in shock and gratitude as Brittany just held her for the longest time while she trembled against her. Brittany's hold was the only thing keeping her from collapsing on herself, suddenly boneless and exhausted by everything she had been through. She sobbed into Brittany's shoulder, wondering what she had ever done to deserve this girl's patience and unconditional love. No one had ever loved her the way Brittany did.
"You... you really forgive me?"
Brittany nodded against her with a tearful chuckle, running her fingers through Santana's black hair.
"I'll never leave you alone."
Santana was stunned and breathless at those words. She sighed, enjoying the feeling of holding Brittany close again, her arms sliding around her waist. She pulled back after a long moment, touching Brittany's face and gazing into her eyes.
“I’m not going to lie anymore. Not to you, or to myself. Brittany, you’re my precious, sweet thing. I've always loved you right from the start and that never changed. You’ll always be mine. Maybe you have a boyfriend right now but I only want you and I meant it when I told him I’m never going to let you go. Never.”
“I love when you’re so direct like this,” Brittany breathed, closing her eyes for a moment as her heart beat a little faster. It was almost too good to be true to finally get this from Santana. “That’s the strong, brave Santana I’ve always known you are deep down inside. The way you fought for me in the auditorium…”
Brittany nuzzled into her neck happily, breathing in her familiar scent and relishing the feeling of Santana's arms tightening around her. This was where she should have been all along.
“That stale piece of white bread has no respect for you. No one throws scraps on the ground and expects my girl to eat it. I know I haven’t been the best girlfriend to you but Brittany, you deserve to be treated like a princess. I should have been protecting you and cherishing you the way you deserve and then you’d never have had to go to him in the first place.”
Without waiting a second longer, Santana couldn't resist crashing her lips against Brittany's. Santana kissed her deeply and open-mouthed, cupping her face so tenderly. Brittany whimpered into her mouth, her toes curling slightly as she thought about how long she had gone without being able to kiss those lips and feel Santana’s warmth against her. She was aroused by how possessive and assertive Santana was being.
Just months before she sang about wanting a woman who’d take a chance on a love that burned hot enough to last and that’s the Santana she had in her arms now, no longer a fearful girl but a brave woman who was ready to fight for a love that was as deep as theirs. Santana had always had her warrior spirit, a strength to her that Brittany found irresistible. Her fiery nature brought out a passionate side of Brittany that she hadn't known she possessed.
As their kisses became more heated, she could see and feel how much Santana wanted her, those deep eyes of hers so black with barely concealed lust as they fell back on the bed. She was holding back and Brittany knew exactly why, even though it wouldn’t have stopped her from trying to take things further with Brittany in the past. They had both grown more mature since junior year.
“I know this is the part where I should apologize and say I feel guilty for doing that but I don’t. It’s the best thing I ever did. I want you so much and I don’t care about anything else.” Santana spoke breathlessly, pressing hot kisses to her neck. Brittany pulled back for a moment, her expression turning serious as she finally admitted the truth.
“Santana… you should know that I broke up with Sam. He never made me feel the way you do. No one ever could. When you saw him driving off tonight… he was just here helping me with homework. There’s nothing more going on between us.”
Dark eyes lit up, showing relief and happiness while Brittany's lips curved upwards, relieved that there were no more barriers between them. Santana grabbed her forcefully, wrapping her arms around her waist and pulled her in close. Brittany whimpered, loving this animalistic and wild, raw side of Santana that she knew only she could pull out of her. She knew then more than ever that she wanted Santana’s fire and passion to consume her instead of the complete emptiness she felt while dating someone else.
“I never let him be intimate with me and I wouldn’t ever. I was waiting for you. Only you, Santana...”
Santana was speechless, melting at the thought of Brittany waiting on her the whole time. This girl had been so devoted to her and she had stupidly wasted all of this time running away from the only thing she had ever truly wanted in her life. The excuse that a long distance relationship wouldn't work was just that, an excuse... the truth was that Santana had been terrified of not being good enough for Brittany - of losing her forever - and she let those insecurities get to her as she had so many times before.
“The truth is... I never wanted to break up with you and it destroyed me to have to do that. I never want to hurt you like how I did in the past again.”
“I'm sorry too, for the mistakes I made. I overreacted that day in the book club... when I made you think you hurt me. It wasn't fair to put that on you, to act like you just abandoned me when you left. I was hurting and it all just came out but I shouldn't have done that to you. I still love you. I never stopped loving you for one second, you know.” Brittany confessed, shivering under Santana's touch. She felt much lighter. That icy, awful feeling in her chest that had started that horrible day in the choir room when she first heard the words "You know this isn't working..." was finally melting away, replaced by the familiar warmth and bliss she always felt at Santana's side. She could tell from the softness of Santana's expression, the happiness that radiated from her now, that the girl felt the same sense of relief.
“Me neither… and I never will stop loving you,” Santana sighed, staring into soft blue eyes and pulling her close again in a tight hug. “Brittany, you should know… this isn’t just about tonight. I want to be with you. We can make this work.”
Brittany hummed her agreement and with those words, they succumbed to their desire for each other. In between frenzied kisses, Santana tightened her grip around Brittany’s waist, her hands drifting down to squeeze her ass. She kissed her way up Brittany’s neck, alternating between biting and sucking the sensitive skin until Brittany’s hands jumped to her shoulders and she was staring up at her lustful eyes, a flush painting her pale cheeks.
“Santana I… I need you. I need more of you. Please.”
Santana chuckled, tightening her grip on Brittany’s hips and rocking them together with hers, that spark between them that had always been there intensifying. She loved how breathy and needy Brittany sounded as she sped up her movements. Only Santana saw this most vulnerable side to Brittany, so soft and pliant in her hands. Brittany had never wanted anything more in her life than what they were about to do as Santana’s lips found her chest and she began stripping her out of her pajamas. She paused to kiss every inch of freckled skin that was revealed until Brittany was bare before her.
It sent a jolt through Santana, reminding her of the girl's facial expression the first time they were intimate together one summer afternoon in Brittany’s childhood bedroom, Santana arched over her body. They were back in the same position now.
Santana moved gently and carefully at first, knowing that it had been a long time since Brittany had done this. She wanted this to feel amazing for her. The feeling of muscles clenching, trying to pull more of her into her made Santana close her eyes, trying to control herself. It wasn’t long before Brittany was pleading for more and Santana slipped a third finger into her. They had rushed into this but she was willing to spend all night worshipping the softness of Brittany's body. She inhaled the light, flowery scent that was so Brittany and almost felt lightheaded with relief that she was being held by the girl again. She was coming home to where she always belonged. Sex with Brittany was the most sacred thing in the world to her and they both quickly got lost in each other.
The corners of her lips curved upwards when Brittany finally came with soft cry, her short nails scratching almost painfully down Santana's shoulder to rest at the small of her back as they usually did when they made love. She noticed Brittany crying from the intense emotions as she came and kissed her cheek softly to comfort her, wiping a tear from her cheek. Brittany held the back of her neck, desperately pulling her down to kiss her plump, hot lips and Santana closed her eyes, giving herself over to it. She knew this was what Brittany needed more than anything, to feel the warmth of her skin and the weight of Santana's body against her.
Afterwards, when they were both breathless, she lay her head against Brittany's chest and threw a leg over her thighs as Brittany pulled the sheets over them both, completely content as the girl softly stroked her back. Thinking that she could ever have left this girl had been the biggest mistake she had ever made.
She smiled to herself as she played with Brittany's fingers, focusing on the ring finger of her left hand and dreaming of what she would ask her one day when the time was just right. Tomorrow they would think about how to make things work but for tonight, all that mattered was she was back in Brittany's arms, where she had always belonged.