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Chapter Text

The paddock was quiet, noted Carlos, as he walked against the dark draped garages. With the obvious exception of Red bull’s boisterous cheers against the injustice of the day’s events. 

He knew today’s events shouldn’t really affect him, Ferrari was still struggling and he was yet to take full advantage of the car - but this sinking feeling in his gut would not go away. 

Lewis was a lovely person, and beautiful too. Someone who shone as bright as the sun - so bright but illusive. Carlos rarely could approach him. He was simply unattainable. Carlos guessed that was why the event’s impacted him heavily - to think a person that worked so hard and as talented as Lewis could be cheated so badly by the supposed fair and righteous governing body, only sent a bad signal to what they could to the rest of the teams. 

‘But that’s not the only reason is it?’ his mind had chimed in. No, the fact that this happened to Lewis, a man that faced so much adversity and still does, it hurt to think that the sport continued to try to dim the light of their brightest star. 

Carlos sighed as he continued to trudge through the paddock, hoping the fresh air (though thick with humidity) would help calm his uneasiness. And there he spotted him. Lewis had finally emerged for a slight moment from the garage. Carlos quickly approached him, despite Lewis having had his back turned. 

Getting within arm’s length, he quickly tapped him on the shoulder. Carlos deflated at the lack of reaction, preparing to turn around to let Lewis evade the paddock once more. But then he heard the soft voice, still thick with emotion, say his name, “Carlos?”

-linebreak- 

Lewis did not know what to feel. Everything snatched from him in a single decision. A single decision that shattered his faith in a sport that he gave everything to. A sport that continually refused to embrace him. 

‘You were never meant to be here,’ was what today had shown him. The words he tried to ignore, but now were shown to be true. 

‘They never wanted you here.’ A black man, who has only ‘stolen’ the accolades meant for others, and to protect a legacy of sporting legend while denying the legacy of the current superstar. 

He sighed deeply. His heart was utterly exhausted from the intensity of the day and his realisations. Lewis decided to leave his hiding spot, wanting to get some air - which was immediately consumed by blood thirsty reporters waiting to report on his emotions, his reactions, his loss. 

‘Why am I even here?’ muttered Lewis, head down as he tried to make it back to the sanctuary of the Mercedes gallery. As he tried to turn away, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Head finally lifted, he took the sight of a forlorn Carlos Sainz. 

“Carlos?” asked Lewis, confused at why the other driver was there. He thought Carlos would have left hours ago.

-line break- 

“Lewis, I am sorry about today. What they did was so wrong. It was so unfair,” rushed out Carlos, cheeks heating up as he realised he had no idea what he had wanted to say to Lewis. Just simply wanted to provide some comfort - but how to do that was not something he had thought out. 

Carlos simply watched as Lewis stilled and eyes closed. ‘Has no one told him this yet?’ Carlos wondered, slightly taken back by Lewis’ intense reaction. And so he waited. 

Lewis let out a breath. It felt nice that Carlos also thought so, but they inevitably are just words. What he wanted was someone to help him forget. And there the idea popped into his head, ‘Can I ask him?’

“Carlos, would you be able to give me what I need?” asked Lewis, with a fiery tone that encompassed Carlos’ mind. The Lewis he always knew was calm. A figure that always exuded serenity with emotions always under lock and key. Yet the way Lewis fired this question at him, he could see Lewis was in another element. A certain passion ignited behind his eyes - it was intoxicating and drew Carlos in. 

And so, Carlos without hesitation replied, “Yes I can.” He wanted to see more of this Lewis - the man currently burning so brightly, heating up the tension between them.

Curiosity had taken over Carlos’ face, eye’s shining with a slight smug smile settling on his face. Lewis at that moment knew; Carlos could be the one to help him, even just for the night. 

Noticing the gaggle of people starting to push towards them, he quickly broke out of the moment. Smiling at Carlos, the first real smile of the day, Lewis replied, “I will text you.Thank you man.” Purposefully placing his hand on the other’s shoulder, letting it linger just a bit longer. Carlos suppressed a shudder, ‘Why did that one touch affect me so heavily?’. Before he could say anything further, Lewis had turned back inside and disappeared; leaving a dazed Carlos in his wake. 

His phone pinged and there he saw Lewis’ intentions. “Yas Viceroy Abu Dhabi Hotel, floor 44 presidential suite. There will be a key for you in the lobby.” 

Carlos chuckled as he broke out of his reverie. A new burning desire had emerged and he could not wait to finally get a taste of it. 

-line break-  

Lewis sat in his room, phone inundated with texts, but not from the person he wanted. ‘Maybe I presumed too much? I’ve never seen Carlos with a guy, not even rumours.’ he pondered, laying back into his soft surroundings, hearts thrumming with excitement. 

“He probably isn’t coming,” he thought out loud, glancing at the clock showing it was already 1am. Still lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed the door click open and close, as the man he had waited for finally entered. 

Carlos had thought heavily on whether to go. He liked men, and he was no longer in a relationship, his tryst with Lando ending after the kid couldn’t accept his move to Ferrari. Lewis was also a very attractive man, and someone he never thought would be interested in him. ‘This could be my only chance.’ 

And his mind drifted to what could be. Lewis on his knees. Lewis underneath him. He shivered as desire immediately ran through him. And sure enough, he was out of his room and to where his desire laid. 

He reached the door and using the key, he quickly entered. There Carlos saw him. Lewis splayed out in the bed, silk bathrobe half undone giving Carlos an lovely eye full of the delicious body waiting for him. Small boxer briefs hardly hid the package beneath, causing Carlos’ eyes to light up in desire.

And then he heard Lewis speak, tone flattened in disappointment, “He probably isn’t coming.” he chuckled at Lewis’ unawareness. 

“But I am here mi amor,” replied Carlos confidently, standing upright as he watched as Lewis quickly jumped up in shock, face unable to hide his joy at his appearance. And there he saw the switch flick. Lewis slowly stood up, hips swaying as he approached him, almost like a lion approaching his prey. And soon the two men were hardly a metre apart, breaths turning heavy as they both felt the atmosphere thicken. 

“Mi amor? Didn’t realise we were that close Carlos,” said Lewis, a smirk overtaking his face as he reached out to slowly caress his cheek. The power battle had begun and Carlos licked his lips in anticipation. Quickly Carlos caught Lewis’ arm and brought him to him. Lewis felt his control slip as his body slid against Carlos’. 

“Well Lewis, after tonight we will be,” whispered Carlos into his ear, lips grazing his lobe and strong arms wrapping capturing his waist. Carlos had now turned Lewis around, saddling closer to him, making his arousal very obvious. 

Lewis let out a moan, head dropping back onto Carlos’ shoulder as the other man continued to sensually move his hips against his. Carlos could feel his body heating up, Lewis' lush arse proving that his decision was the right one. 

“Let’s move this to the bed,” let out Lewis, teasing too much for him. Carlos simply nodded and let himself be pushed onto the bed, and immediately got a lap full of Sir Lewis Hamilton. 

“Well someone is a bit desperate,” chuckled Carlos, as he watched Lewis rise onto his knees to remove the pesky robe and try to pull off Carlos’ own shirt.

“And you are a fucking tease. You agreed to help me. So help,” retaliated Lewis laughing as he struggled to take off his shirt. Their gazes met, both with a playful twinkle in their eyes. Quickly Lewis found himself underneath Carlos, who had quickly disposed of his shirt and finally giving Lewis a full view of the beautiful man. 

Lewis’ eyes slid down towards Carlos’ torso, breath catching as he realised how stunning he was. Carlos noticed Lewis’ entranced gaze and took Lewis’ hand in his. Lewis quickly looked back up into the other’s eyes, curious on his next move. And then Carlos placed Lewis’ hand on his lower abdomen, enjoying the way that Lewis had to take a steady breath to calm his attraction. 

Lewis quickly took advantage and sneaked himself beneath the briefs, a smile taking over as he watched Carlos’ eyes quickly close at the touch. He gave a testing stroke to Carlos’ cock, drinking in the resulting moan and quiver of the muscles above him. He flipped them round and pulled off the other’s offending clothing. Carlos watched as Lewis placed soft kisses down his torso, hands stroking his inner thighs as he moved lower and lower. Lewis could hear Carlos’ soft groans at each move, and so was rewarded with a large moan as he finally took him into his mouth. 

His mouth was heavenly. It was so hot and tight sparking pleasure as he felt Lewis slowly move up and down on his cock. Lewis on the other hand was addicted. Carlos was the perfect size. He quickly got to satisfying the man beneath him, sucking him deeply into his mouth, testing how far his gag response would let him. Carlos was lost in pleasure. All he wanted was to fuck Lewis’ mouth but Lewis’ arms had a stronghold on his waist, taking away all control. Lewis smiled at Carlos’ desperation, and slowed his pace, teasingly sucking only at the tip. 

Carlos almost shouted in frustration, hips bucking wildly to try escape the hold. Deciding to not taunt Carlos any longer, Lewis released his hold on Carlos’ hips. Immediately he felt a hand in his head, hold him down as Carlos slowly began to fuck his mouth. 

“Tap my thigh twice if I am being too rough okay?” a gruff voice ordered. Lewis could only moan in response as he let Carlos finally take control. A familiar lightheadedness began to appear as all he could feel was Carlos’ cock in his mouth. He knew the man above was getting closer, moans getting louder with a faster thrusts. 

Carlo was in the throes of it, so close to his release when he felt the two taps. He immediately let go of Lewis’ hair, guiding the panting man below up to him. Concern had overtaken his face. "Have I taken it too far?" wondered Carlos, unable to read Lewis’ face. 

Smiling, with pre-cum smeared all around his lips, Lewis licked his lips and innocently replied, “No I just want you to cum inside me.” 

Carlos was almost dumbfounded, unable to process the dirty words that came out of the 7 time world champion. Lewis laughed at his reaction. 

“Did I break you? Promise I’m clean,” pushed Lewis again as he gently stroked Carlos' cheek, other hand drifting back down to wrap around Carlos’ erection. Before Lewis could say anything more, Carlos flipped their positions once again. 

“Lube?” he asked, until his fingers reached the treasure that awaited for him. ‘He prepared himself,’ realised Carlos, slipping in a finger to just get a taste. Immediately he got a reaction, Lewis’ hips bucking. 

“Who would have thought, the most successful F1 driver is a cockslut?” goaded Carlos as leisurely pushed two fingers into Lewis, who could not control the moans escaping him. 

“Please Carlos. You said you would give me what I need,” pleaded Lewis as he finally got closer to what he’s been wanting for so long. Someone to hold him down and fuck him so hard that the world just fades away. 

Carlos didn’t reply, simply placed a chaste kiss onto Lewis’ lips as he lined himself. Carlos lifted the others legs, pushed them back as far they could go, letting himself admire the plump arse waiting for him. With a quick slap, causing Lewis to gasp, Carlos finally thrust in. 

Lewis’ head fell back with his lips forming a perfect O as the stunning Spanish man set into a rough pace, sliding deeper with each thrust. Carlos was in heaven. He was incredibly tight around him, and to see Lewis completely gone as he fucked him was enough to make him lose it. But no, he wanted to take him apart, fuck him so hard that the only word he could remember is Carlos. 

The room was filled with the carnal sound of skin slapping as the relentless pace continued. Lewis could not think, the only word he could scream was “Carlos!” as he just took everything Carlos could give him. The other grinned at Lewis’ loss of composure and whispered roughly into his ear, “That’s it mi amor. Just my name. That’s all you need to know.”

Without warning, Lewis was flipped onto his stomach, manhandled onto all fours. He whimpered as he felt the cock leave his entrance, only to find a delightful pressure encompass him as Carlos fully covered his body with his. Before he could beg, Carlos had taken hold of his hips and had plunged back in, hips moving even more vigorously than before. 

“Fuck! Carlos, I can’t… Fuck!” expletives leaving his mouth as he felt the overwhelming sensations overtake him. That only spurred Carlos to go harder as he too felt himself reaching his peak.

“Cum with me Lewis. Just from my cock, can you do that for me?” panted out Carlos as he continued to slam into the man below him. 

“Yes. Please just..” words died on Lewis’ tongue as he finally reached his peak, cum falling all over his chest as he collapsed onto the bed below him. As he felt Lewis tighten around him, Carlos let himself go. Holding the other’s hips in an anchored grip he slowly thrust into the sensitive body beneath as he came inside, cum flowing out of Lewis’ entrance. Lewis shivered as he felt Carlos release into him, cock releasing one last time as he sagged into a cloud of bliss. He felt his eyes close, body slowly drifting away, no longer aware of his surroundings. 

Carlos collapsed next to him, slipping out and gathering the other in his arms. Lewis could feel Carlos around him, and tried to say "I'm dirty," but all that came out was incomprehensible mumbles. Carlos chuckled fondly, taking in the sight of Lewis being completely relaxed and open. He knew they needed to shower so with a quick pull he had Lewis in his arms and into the bathroom.

There they kissed gently against the shower walls. Lewis was now more lucid - and looked up at Carlos with his doe eyes.

"You don't have to stay you know. You can go if you want," informed Lewis, not wanting to force the other to be there with him. 

He felt Carlos draw him back into his arms and then heard, "and to leave you all alone tonight? No mi amor I think I deserve some cuddles after my performance."

Upon hearing those words he turned to look up at the Spaniard. Eyes bright and with a beaming smile, Lewis simply replied, "think there is clean sheets now on the bed. Let's go."

And so the day of tumultuous events ended with the pair wrapped tightly in each other's arms, ignoring the world around them. 

Chapter Text

The morning rays filtered in, disturbing the peaceful bliss as Lewis scrunched his nose at the arrival of the morning. He felt warm, safe. Something he hasn’t had all season. He moved slightly, reluctant to move out of the warm arms, but felt himself pulled right back. His initial shock was overcome by a wave of light laughter as he realised Carlos was awake.

“Carlos..” said Lewis, smiling broadly as he tried - unsuccessfully - to escape the arms around him. 

“Mi amor,” groaned Carlos, “you said last night I deserved cuddles.” Lewis felt the arms tighten, feeling Carlos move against him. Giving up, they settled back into their spooning position, simply basking in each other's company.

A smirk came over his face as he innocently shifted to move further back into Carlos, listening to the other yelp in surprise. He regretted his decision instantly as Carlos moved back, rocking so slightly, while whispering gruffly, “are you sure you want to start this?” 

Lewis wanted nothing more to stay in bed with him, to relive the pleasure of last night. Just as he went to reply, both their phones blared. Shocked out of bed, they were slammed into reality. There were flights to catch, lives to follow. 

Out of each other’s embrace, the feeling of dejection settled in. This was their little slice of fantasy, but it couldn’t last forever. Reluctantly Lewis got up, dressed and ready he went to Carlos. He stopped in front as the two simply looked into each other’s eyes, eyes full of yearning and disappointment. He smiled weakly. Carlos looked at the man in front of him. One night and he felt enraptured by the other. Tear’s pricked their eyes yet they had no reason to be sad. 

Lewis placed a soft kiss on Carlos’ cheek, conveying a silent thank you. They had to leave. Carlos’ eye’s fluttered closed at the contact, taking in this last act of intimacy. As the pair made their way out, he asked hopefully, “I’ll see you at pretesting?”

They had no reason to see each other outside. After all, they weren’t even friends. Just a one night stand, and no matter how much they would like to stay in the moment, time waits for no one. And so Carlos took a deep breath as they departed from the door, “I’ll see you there.” 

The door closed shut with a clink, and the two separated to their own lifes.

++++++

The season breaks were a blessing. A time needed to recharge, reflect and simply enjoy life without the pressures of the F1 world. Carlos understood the need to disappear from social media for this time, to allow yourself a little reprieve from the constant onlookers in your life.

But despite his understanding, it didn’t quell his frustration at Lewis’ lack of presence. No stories, no posts, no sign to the world he is alive. He didn’t think he would be this obsessed, but here he found himself, at his table in the sun in Madrid, family surrounding him, and all he can do is refresh instagram one last time. 

With a huff he shut his phone down, turning to the dying rays of sun that rippled throughout the city. ‘Why do I need to know what he is doing? I could just text him. But we are not that close. Why?’ ran through his mind like a bullet train. Why could he not take his mind off Lewis? 

He closed his eyes. Hoping to clear his mind, chanting and following his breath. Then flashes of the night came before him. Lewis crying out his name. Lewis laughing in his arms. The feeling of completeness that he hasn’t felt for another before. “Ave Maria. What am I going to do?” he breathed out. ‘Why could he not forget that night?’

+++++++++++++

Lewis slumped back. Body sweaty, and heavy breathing ricocheted across the room. Something didn’t feel right. He had just come but it didn’t feel… enough? His partner next to him said something but Lewis wasn’t paying attention. 

‘Why?’ pondered Lewis. Irritation encompassing his body as yet again he couldn’t feel satisfied. The door clicked closed, bringing Lewis out of his thoughts. Turning over he instinctively grabbed his phone. And there he saw it, Carlos had posted. Heat pooled in his stomach as he stared at the shirtless picture. Closing his eyes, that night revisited him, as it has many times this break. There that perfect feeling existed, too far for him to grasp but something he could remember. ‘Fuck that is one way to spend my birthday,’ he sighed, eyes staring almost in longing. But he couldn't let himself pine for the other - after all it was clear - it was just a one night stand.

Burying those inadequate feelings, he got up and went back to the party. ‘Back to the circus I go,’ and with a sigh he left the room - and the useless longing - locked away. 

+++++++++++++++++++

Pre-testing had arrived. A thrumming excitement with the uncertainty this season would bring. Lewis was nervous - he had confidence in his team, but his stability of recent years with Valterri had now gone.

George was a nice lad, but he knew without doubt, this kid was at Merc to be number 1. He was their future - and him - their past star. Last season's pain still lingered. He almost retired, thought about it several times, yet like a drug he could not quit, he was back in the garage pushing to learn the new car.

But there was a small twinge of hope that had settled in his heart. 'To see Carlos,' he thought. He was unsuccessful in getting spaniard out of his head and so he was determined in his next solution - maybe seeing him will get rid of the feeling. He hated it - the feeling of wanting to see him but having no reasonable excuse to make the move. The irrational fondness that overtook his mind as he went through his Instagram again. 

Letting out a huff he kicked off the covers - time to get back to racing.

-linebreak-

Carlos tossed and turned all night. Mind tangled in several worries but what was in the front of his mind; he will see Lewis again.

After his dramatic post back in February - which just about restrained himself from liking - he counted the days until this dreaded feeling of want to subside.

Carlos, like Lewis, only had one reason to why he wanted to see the other. So he could stop thinking about him.

'Once I see him, the feeling will fade. It has to,' he hoped, otherwise he had no idea how he was going to handle this continuous pulling force. But as he let himself drift to sleep, the bright smile never left his vision.

-line break- 

It was busy. Hectic even. A tornado of tests, questions, meetings - a never-ending to do list as the season began.

The distraction was welcomed. Lewis threw himself into work, an effort to show the world and Mercedes that last season hadn't beat him down (when in reality the ache in his heart, the sheer betrayal of it has left a irreparable scar).

The day raced by. Carlos was pleasantly surprised at the strength of the Ferrari car. And he noted - Merc were struggling. He knew they liked to sand bag but, the timing sheets didn't lie. They were way off. 

On the other side, Lewis felt a headache coming. He knew there was something wrong with this car. 'This is not anywhere close to our rivals,' he lamented as he watched lap after lap his car continue to remain a second off the top.

He wanted to hide. He wanted to cry. He just wanted to fall back into a safe haven and forget about the world. Everything he had hoped for, nothing was coming true. He knew he is stronger than this, but he hated the fact he was letting his insecurities eat at him. Shattered glass could not be repaired, so how could he let himself shatter? No. In this world, to let yourself be weak meant to be defeated. Vulnerability could not be shown, under any circumstances. 

The test finally done for the day, he felt his body protest as he pulled himself out and into the garage. Eyes hazed over as his mind drifted. It was like a grey cloud had hung over his mind - nothing felt right.

And there a flash of red disrupted his vision - drawing his eyes in on the figures. Carlos chatting leisurely with Charles and George. His heartbeat quickened. Before he could look away, Carlos turned and there their eyes met.

Carlos could sense quiet amongst the garages - the first day of testing always being the most secretive. George and Charles were excitedly chattering away, but he wasn't paying attention. His eyes drifted the very silent Mercedes garage, eyes searching. Searching for that one person.

And there as if drawn to each other, their eyes met. Lewis was there. Sitting outside his garage, fixated on him. Neither could break the gaze. The attraction? The passion? Both couldn't explain why they couldn't look away from each other. 

Lewis softened as the warm brown orbs looked into him, a genuine smile making its way to his face. Without speaking, Lewis drifted closer. Anticipation built as they got closer.

Carlos shifted slightly, moving towards Lewis to meet him in greeting. 

Hands clasped as Carlos drew the other into a side hug. There it was. That missing feeling. Warmth, completeness. Obligingly Lewis gave Charles and George a quick hug, drawing himself into the conversation, while half his mind was focussed on the man next to him. 

George and Charles soon broke into their own conversation, something about video games, leaving left the pair to themselves. They turned to each other, no longer able to use the two younger boys as an avoidance technique.

"So…" they said at the same time, catching the other off guard. That was enough to break all awkwardness that had built. Lewis let out a full hearted laugh as Carlos chuckled.

"What are we doing Carlos?" Asked Lewis, face split into that familiar wide smile that had taunted his dreams. 

Carlos felt the inevitable attraction rise, deciding now was the best time to test the waters.

"Well I wanted to ask, no texts over winter?" He said, voice rich as the words rolled smoothly off his tongue. 

Lewis arched his eyebrow, watching Carlos with an air of suspicion.

Lewis continued his oblivious act, and replied shortly "I didn't realise we were that close." The question was there - what do you want us to be? 

Taking a quick look to the pair beside to check they were still engaged, Carlos leant forward.

Faces nearly touching, so bold yet no eyes watching, Carlos replied in a husky whisper, "Well I guess you don't want a repeat of that night?" 

Lewis felt a light flush run straight through his body, coughing as he felt those hushed words go straight to his head. Just a mention of that night sent desire rippling through him. He needed it. 

Carlos smirked triumphantly. 'He knows what game he's started and I will not be outdone,' affirmed Lewis.

Turned their bodies away from Charles and George, Lewis batted back, "I'm sure you didn't miss me that much missed did you. No texts over winter either." His voice steady with eyes twinkling of mischief as he continued, "guess you don't want my room number for tonight. Such a shame."

With that Lewis broke away, saying a quick goodnight and purposefully swayed his hips back to his garage.

Carlos could only stare after him, need thrumming through him as he realised he wanted nothing more than to have Lewis again. He smirked after him. He will get that room number. 

It was this electrifying lust that brought them together. Nothing more. 

++++++

Lewis laid back into his pillows, Carlos clearly hadn't taken the hint or maybe just didn't want to. His heart clenched at the thought. 'Once again, no one wants you,' the vicious words of his inner devil soothed to him. 'Are you not used to being alone? Why hope for something that won't come.'

Closing his eyes Lewis tried to rediscover his balance, but the cruel words never stopped. He laid back, eyes covered as he attempted to block out the world. And there was a knock.

"Who?" Pondered Lewis - he certainly didn't order room service. A knock sounded again. He moved to the door, curiosity taking over despite all the times in horror movies, opening the door is always the wrong decision. 

And there stood Carlos. 

+++++

Carlos had managed to wrangle Lewis' room number out of a very inquisitive George. Making the excuse that he wanted to ask for advice seemed to work, as everyone knew, the experience of a 7 time world champion could not be underestimated. 

Ever since their meeting in the paddock, his mind had been plagued by all sorts of imaginations. It was a pleasurable suffocation as the lust he felt for the 7 time world champion continued to build up. But there was this sense of quiet comfort he got from the older man. A sense of serenity that helped bring him to an elusive calmness - a feeling he wanted to stay lost in.

Sneaking to the room, under the cover of the silent night, he found himself in front of the door. He licked his lips. 'Now or never,' he thought. 

He knocked once. No response, only the echo of his knock verbarating throughout the hallway. His mouth turned down into a frown. 'Is he already asleep?'

Trying his luck one more time, he knocked again. The shuffling came through the door, and Carlos felt himself perk up. And there, Lewis stood, covered in a large over tee. 'He looks so cute,' Carlos thought, as he took in Lewis' outfit and the small tip of his head in confusion. 

The other's eyes widened. 'He did come,' Lewis realised. Quickly he shook himself out it, and moved aside quickly to let Carlos in wordlessly.

Carlos slipped in and before Lewis could react, he was shoved roughly against the nearby wall, Carlos' lips on his.

Hands moving quickly, he heard Carlos order, "jump" as he felt Carlos grab his arse. Quickly Lewis put his legs around the other, finally breaking the kiss to groan as the delightful pressure returned.

The passion was electric, every touch was a new spark. They were fully consumed with each other, lips melded until Carlos pulled back to look deep into Lewis eyes'. Pupils blown wide, heavy pants as the two stared into each other. 

"I want to fuck you here. Can I?" His voice husky and thick with arousal. Lewis mutely nodded, arching his back. Quickly his boxers were pulled off and he felt the Spaniard's deft fingers tease around his hole.

Carlos heard a loud whimper as he purposefully teased him. "Soon mi amor," he replied as he recaptured the lush lips in a searing kiss. 

Reaching into his back pocket, he quickly took out the lube and covered his fingers. Without much more preamble he slid in one finger, which soon became two. Lewis adjusted quickly, riding the fingers that were touching all the right places. 

Carlos pulled back to observe. Lewis had his head thrown back, eyes closed as his hips moved to the rhythm of his fingers. His hands were desperately clutching onto the Spaniard's shoulders for support, as he let himself fall further. 

"You look like sin," Carlos whispered, hastily removing his fingers and slicking up his cock. Toying Carlos rubbed himself between the plump checks, not entering but remaining tantalising close. He heard Lewis' breath hitch. Carlos smiled, and brought his lips back to Lewis, slipping in his tongue as he continued to slowly rut against him. Lewis was reduced to soft mewls as he let the other explore his mouth, while Carlos devilishly keeping him on tenterhook.

Carlos was enthralled. Lewis Hamilton at his mercy was the most alluring sight as he completely melted into him, letting him take all control. His lips were so soft and plump as he took small nips, while continuing to grind into him.

And there he heard it, the soft plea, "please Carlos. I beg of you." It sent spikes of arousla to his groin as he took in Lewis' beg. No further words were needed. They had both reached their limit and Carlos needed him now.

Lewis opened his mouth to beg again but all words failed him as Carlos entered him in smooth thrust.

"Ahhhh… fuck," moaned out Lewis as Carlos restrained himself. "Lewis, babe, tell me if it is okay to move," grunted out Carlos, hands secured at those voluptuous hips.

"Now. Please move now," was his response. A fast, ruthless pace was set from the beginning - just how they envisaged. It was everything they had craved those months apart. Lewis was thrown back into the wall with every hard thrust, moaning unintelligible words as Carlos continued to mercilessly drill into his prostate. With a shout, he came untouched, body tightening as he finally found his release 

The heat and tightness around him with the erotic sounds of Lewis was enough for Carlos to reach his orgasm, slowly thrusting as he spent himself within the other.

Only heavy breathes could be heard. Lewis still clinging onto the solid body as Carlos gently nuzzled into the column of his neck, pressing sweet kisses into that soft spot.

Finally Lewis croaked out, voice barely a whisper, "carry me to bed?"

"For round two?" Carlos asked, already regaining his libido as he looked at the ruined man beneath him. A blush covered his face as he gave a small nod, finding himself thrown onto the bed, quickly covered by the sexy spaniard. With a laugh Lewis threw his arms back round him. The closeness, the warmth, everything felt… perfect. 

The moon shone through the curtains, highlighting the peaceful figures wrapped in each other's arms. Unconscious smiles adorned their faces as they let themselves finally rest. 

-line break- 

Morning came too fast. Carlos felt deja vu as looked down at the sleeping man in his arms. Lewis was beautiful in his sleep, mouth slightly open while he nuzzled deeper into his chest. Unwillingly, he shifted out from under the other. It was already 6am and he needed to get back to his room in time.

Unknowingly as he moved to re-dress, Lewis had awoken. Lewis had felt the warmth disappear and with that, the comfort of the other. Eyes bleary he watched as Carlos dressed, truth setting in. 

Carlos moved to exit when he heard the soft voice say, "Carlos wait one minute."

He turned around surprised to see Lewis awake. Eyes catching he watched as Lewis' gaze remained steady yet distant, as if a cold wall had now formed. 

"Carlos," sighed out Lewis, tiredness taking over, "what are we doing?"

Carlos stood still, suppressing a shiver. The tone, it was so faraway. Turning back, he replied with the only rational explanation, "we are sleeping with each other. That's it."

His gaze had also hardened as he began to put his boundaries up. They couldn't get too involved. It was too much risk and Lewis clearly didn't think anything more to this.

Lewis hummed, remaining quiet. The atmosphere stiffened, making Carlos feel out of place. 'I need to go.' 

"Do you want to continue this? Sleeping with me I mean" Asked Lewis suddenly, tone strong and decisive. 

"Yes," was the immediate answer. They locked gazes and that icy veil which had begun to drape over them, melted away. Now they knew what they were -  simply fuck buddies. 

"Then let's do this. When we want to let off steam we can go to each other. No strings attached," proposed Lewis. He couldn't lie to himself. Carlos was the best sex he's had, and this made sense. Neither of them were close to each other, they both enjoyed the sex and the company, and in a long season away from home it made their lives easy.

A win-win situation. 

Carlos took a breath. It was a good idea. This way he could have someone close by to let off steam without things getting complicated. Lewis was clear in his intentions - no feelings, just sex. The sex was mindblowing and would be more than enough to keep him satisfied.

"Agreed. I suggest we alternate between rooms so people don't take notice. And we leave keys for each other at the hotels under pseudo names," answered Carlos, eyes locking. And there he saw it, the small flitter across Lewis' eyes. He couldn't quite catch it as the same steady regard quickly reappeared, not betraying a single emotion.

As Lewis heard Carlos' proposal he couldn't help but feel the familiar ache in his heart. 'Just sex. It makes sense. But why does it hurt?' As he let his thoughts drift, the hurt ever so slightly rose to the surface. But then he remembered. Carlos was still there, looking at him, and so he quickly pushed the pang away, regaining his composure. 

"Okay. I'm glad that's sorted then," a graceful smile stretching onto Lewis' face. Carlos nodded, face neutral and he opened the door.

"I'll see you around," said Carlos, tone cool and detached, as he left the room. Closing the door behind him, he stood still. He couldn't understand why he felt almost disappointed? Shrugging it off he quickly returned to his own life, pushing the night behind him.

And there the act ended. Beginning almost as intimate as lovers and parting as two strangers. This arrangement was the best solution, but why did it not feel right? 

Chapter Text

Bahrain testing came and went. Cementing the fact - Mercedes were not in the same league as Red Bull and Ferrari, with a lot of ground to make up.

The poor performance and trouble had Lewis wrapped in anxiety, and with every day being full on there was no chance for him to even let out some steam.

So here he laid in his hotel room in Bahrain for the first time in 3 days to rest. As he tried to close his eyes, his mind was whirling with never-ending doubts. The need for release was burning within him. As he debated, his will to resist waned. 'Fuck it,' he thought. Quickly his phone was in his hand and a simple text was sent out, "Tonight?"

The reply came in no less than a minute. "Room 505". As quick as the text was received, Lewis was out of the room.

-linebreak-

Carlos had been tossing and turning. The pressures of this season are beginning to pile up already. 'We have a car that we can compete with. But it's clear. Charles is going to be our number 1 here,' he sighed as he laid back into the sofa.

Charles was quicker. Charles had been at the team longer. Carlos knew without a doubt, if the team were going to pick, Charles will be the number 1. It frustrated him. He knew he wasn't matching the performance yet - but he wanted to think the team would give him equal opportunity. 

As he tipped his head back. Face scrunched into a frown, forehead lines evident as he tried to banish the constant trail of thoughts. And there a ping broke it.

A text from Lewis reading, "Tonight?" Instantly a smile emerged onto his face. 'He has perfect timing.'

He replied with his room number and finally, after three long days, he had something to look forward to.

He sat back, letting the tension seep out of his body. And there a quick knock sounded through the door.

In two- three strides, he flung the door open and desperate to feel the other on him, pulled an unexpecting Lewis to his chest, letting the door shut.

Lewis was on fire. Every tendril in his body aching to get to Carlos. As he knocked he heard the shuffling in the room door flung open. Before he could say a word, Carlos was pulling him in and with a small umph, he found himself on Carlos' chest, hands planted firmly on his firm pecs.

Carlos felt like he could finally breathe. Just having Lewis in his arms felt like an oxygen pack. He looked down at the smaller man locked in his arms. Their eyes entranced as Carlos lost himself in those chocolate orbs. Lewis let out a breath, feeling himself relax further. 

Lewis caught himself staring at Carlos' plump lips. Before he could stop himself, he lifted himself up to place a gentle but firm kiss. 

Carlos responded immediately. Wrapping his arms tighter around Lewis, he moved with the delicate dance of their lips. Deepening it, he captured Lewis lower lip, taking advantage of Lewis' gasp as their lips connected.

They shuffled together towards the bed, Lewis forcing Carlos down so he could climb on top. Not much more was needed. Hands in a flurry, they undid their trousers and Carlos let out a restrained moan when he felt Lewis wrap his hand around him. 

Carlos bit out, "are you prepped or do you need me to prep you?" Body tight like a coil as Lewis continued to stroke him. Eyes lidded as they basked in the overwhelming passion. 

"I'm not. I can prep myself," said Lewis, reaching into his pocket to pull out a bottle of lube. He lifted himself, ready to take off the last remaining clothes, when he felt himself plopped onto his back with Carlos in between his legs.

"Let me," was the only words said before Carlos yanked off his boxers, sending a shiver down his spine as he felt the cold air of the AC. 

Carlos chuckled as he watched Lewis almost infatuated gaze, as he pulled off his shirt. Deciding to make a show of it, he lifted himself onto his knees, slowly pulling off his tshirt, revealing his well sculpted pecs. Then Carlos gently brought Lewis hand to his torso, dragging it down letting him feel the supple muscles. He could see Lewis gulp, hips bucking upwards in desperation. 

Carlos smiled and finally let Lewis move, who quickly rose up to lock them in another kiss. Carlos could feel the heat rolling off them, reaching a boiling point. "Mi amor. Let me open you up," he ordered as he broke them apart. 

Lewis quickly spread his legs, unaware at how erotic that looked. Carlos' slipped in a lubed finger, working Lewis' hole impatiently as he soon slipped in another. 

Lewis huffed. He knew he was ready and he could not wait any longer. 

"I'm good," he said, confusing Carlos. Carlos looked at him, slightly worried it was too soon, but removed his fingers nonetheless. Lewis smiled secretly, making a rapid move to capture Carlos under him. 

Rising to his knees, he caressed Carlos' sizeable package, rolling on the condom while pressing a soft kiss on his neck as he pressed down on the panting man.

Carlos short circuited. To see Lewis Hamilton on top of him was one thing. His body on full display, abs flexing as he lowered himself on his dick. Taking control - it was the hottest sight he had ever seen. 

Lewis panted when he was finally fully seated. He felt Carlos shift up, moaning loudly as he felt it hit his prostate. Without waiting he began to lift himself up and slam down, basking in the feeling of being so perfectly full. Carlos was in third heaven - fully absorbed in Lewis riding him. 

He helped, using his grip on his hips while also bucking in time to Lewis' thrusts. Every thrust was hitting his prostate, causing him to melt further and further. His legs were shaking at the intensity but he knew he wanted to finish like this. 

Smirking, Lewis said, "C'mon baby. Cum for me." as he spoke he ground down hard into Carlos, the sensual movement providing an irresistible pressure.

Carlos couldn't hold it any longer. Lewis' voice, the tight heat around him and the view of the man above him was all he needed. He came with a large grunt, holding Lewis on his cock as he finished inside. Lewis felt himself let go, Carlos' orgasm enough to set him off. 

He collapsed heavily onto Carlos' chest, both catching their breath. After what seemed an eternity, Lewis felt Carlos gently shift out under him, pulling out and discarding the condom in the nearest bin. Then he felt the Spaniard gently turn them, so now they were facing each other on the bed. 

Caught up in the moment, Carlos leant in placing another soft kiss on Lewis. Lewis' eyes fluttered, finally sleep coming to him.

Carlos could see Lewis already half asleep, and moved to get a cloth to clean them both. "Lewis," whispered Carlos, eyes fixated on the dozing man, "Lewis we need to clean up."

Lewis could barely hear Carlos. But the uncomfortable feeling of the mess they created forced him to get up. Shortly both were clean and new sheets, Lewis moved to collect his clothes to leave.

'I can't overstay. We are only fuck buddies after all,' he chanted to himself, every part of his body fighting him from leaving this little sanctuary. 'I cannot let myself be vulnerable. He is a competitor,' he tried to remind himself, but his resolve was on thin ice as all he wanted was those muscled arms around him.

Carlos spotted Lewis was going to go, and despite the fact he should be fine with it, he said quickly, "you can stay. You don't have to go."

Lewis stopped, heart beating faster as his wish was fulfilled. To fall asleep in those arms was too tempting to resist. Carlos watched him carefully, a small hope blossoming. 'It's just because you are a bit lonely. That is all,' he rationalised as he watched Lewis come back to the bed.  

He kept his arms open, letting Lewis slip right in and rest his head on his bicep, ignoring the feeling of how right this felt. Curling around the Spaniard, Lewis felt settled, as if those arms were made for him. 

It took no time for the drivers to slip into a deep sleep, both warmed by comfort in the other. 

-linebreak-

There was no rush that morning. They would be in Bahrain for another week ahead of the season opening. So when the sun filtered in, neither were disturbed. It turned 10am and the pair continued to remain sound asleep, still wrapped tightly together. 

Lewis felt himself slowly become aware. He realised they must have shifted in the night as here he was, lying with his head on Carlos' bare chest. He felt his face heat up at the realisation. 'Do I move? I should move. But he'll know if I move and I might wake him up.'

As he internally fretted he took a quick glance up to look at the sleeping man. Carlos was bathed in the morning sunlight, the rays highlighting his dark brown hair and tan complexion. It was almost as if he was illuminated. Lewis' heart skipped a beat. 'He is beautiful,' his mind fed him, 'snap out of it.'

He averted his eyes downwards, closing them as if he could banish the sight from his memory. As he closed them, he felt himself give into cosiness. 'Five more minutes won't hurt right?' 

-linebreak-

Carlos felt like he was drifting. Everything surrounding him was comforting. A continuous fountain of warmth filling up his body, as if in an oasis. His eyes slowly opened to a light lit room.

The curtain flickered as the morning desert breeze came through. He felt a heaviness on his chest. Glimpsing down, he saw the angelic picture of Lewis, fast asleep on his chest. His face was so peaceful. 'Just like before,' remembered Carlos, taking pride in the fact he has been able to see this Lewis. 

He took note of the time, exactly noon. He went to settle back, more sleep would be good when he realised, 'Team meeting!'

Now he was in a dilemma. Carlos didn't want to wake the other up (and also didn't want to leave the embrace).

Lewis felt the other shift under him. Internally suppressing his disappointment, he opened his eyes. 

Carlos felt Lewis move, looking down and there he got caught. Lewis' honey orbs were bright as they peered into him. A smile made a way to both their faces. Just happy to wake up in this way. 

Gently Carlos reluctantly said, "I have a team meeting soon. So we should probably get up."

Lewis' mind clicked back to gear. Immediately he sat up, duvet dropping to reveal his full torso. Carlos couldn't help but peek at the view. 

"Shit! It is already 12pm? I'm late for my team meeting!" Shouted Lewis, yanking his clothes on as Carlos watched leisurely as the man ran around like a headless chicken. 

The atmosphere remained light. Neither regretted it. It was exactly what they needed. 

Lewis looked back, all ready to go. "See you around?" Asked Lewis, already knowing the answer.

"When you will be staring at the back of my Ferrari," Joked back Carlos, watching as Lewis let out a small giggle. 

"Perhaps. Perhaps," Agreed Lewis, he wasn't going to pretend Merc wouldn't be behind them this year. And with that, the two departed. 

-line break-

Lewis sprinted full pelt to his room. His phone blown up as he realised he was already 10 minutes late. He quickly changed into his team gear (because he couldn't turn up on his calvin klein shorts and big tee) and texted Bono and Toto that he overslept. 

But despite the rush, a smile remained steady on his face. That night. It was like a morphine. Completely melting away his mental agonies and turning it into a night of pleasure. 

Lewis stumbled in, face red as he slotted into the empty seat next to George. George looked curiously at the other. He knew lewis was barely late, and considering the trouble with the car Lewis had been staying everyday until 1am to understand their issues. 

But Lewis next to him was completely relaxed. Cheeks red in embarrassment but otherwise calm. Something peeked under the collar. A small hickey. 

George internally giggled, 'so that is the reason.' He didn't ponder any further. Whatever Lewis did outside the team was not his business. But he was curious - Lewis hadn't brought anyone with him to testing, so who is the mystery person?

Lewis remained unaware of the mark, until he nipped to the loo during their break. His head throbbing again as Mercedes tried to unravel their woes. 

As he looked into the mirror there he saw it. The small blossoming purple mark, exactly on his weak point on his neck. His mind was thrown back to that moment. His knees felt weak as the desire ripped through him again. 

"Fuck," muttered Lewis, annoyed at how easily everything was affecting him. "Since when did I become so horny?" But that was it. Why now? Why was Carlos eliciting this response from him? 

He left the bathroom, mind cleared. 'It doesn't matter if Carlos makes you feel this way. It's just your libido. What matters is that it is only lust and nothing else,' he comforted himself. 

-linebreak-

Carlos likewise found his mind drifting right back to last night everytime his attention frayed. But his thought was stuck on something else.

'Why did it bring me so much happiness to have Lewis in my arms?' He pondered, that elusive warmth seeping back into him as he remembered.

"I doesn't matter. It's because I'm a bit lonely. My love language is physical touch anyways," rationalised Carlos, forcing himself to ignore it. 'I'm overthinking,' he concluded, eyes zeroing back into whoever was the speaker. 

-linebreak-

So it begins. The beginning of an all encompassing journey, where dreams are either fulfilled or shattered. Lewis knew this feeling well, and how to stop it from overcoming him.

Qualifying had gone okay. To be P5 was expected - third best as they were. He saw the Ferrari on top with red bull very close by. But today was race day. Everything can happen. A podium would be good, but they had a chance to improve. 'They had to,' solemnly thought Lewis. 

George was strong. He was hitting the ground running, and though he will start P9 - Lewis knew the kid would make those places up rapidly.

He didn't feel threatened. The kid was younger than him, talented. He would expect him to be very good. What he hated was how people thought he would react. The whispers of 'Lewis won't like it if George beats him.' Or the 'if George beats Lewis, shows he is overrated or over.'

No. He himself will decide when he wants to finish. Not the darkened words of people that want to his light diminished. 

But he couldn't help but let a small slither of insecurity settle into his heart. Last year was painful. And everytime he went onto the track, the small break ached a bit more. Sometimes the feeling became overwhelming. As if it was swallowing him whole.

And so he sat back in the parade truck forcing himself to smile and wave, when he he wanted was to hide. Lewis liked to separate himself away from the other drivers during this time. To focus. 

Some approached him, most did not. They all gathered in their little gaggles, ignoring him. He knew what they thought; that Lewis thought he was above the other driver's, that he didn't need to develop a relationship with them.

Reality was; Lewis had felt the same way, but not after his own lack of trying. The early days of F1 showed him that they didn't want him. He thought his friendship with Nico was real. That he had finally entered the F1 circle. 2016 had shown him his misconception. The way every driver alike celebrated his loss. Not one person came to him to comfort his loss. 'Too tired of seeing me win I guess.'

Though he has one genuine friend; Seb. Seb who refused to let Lewis shut him out, by consistently putting himself into Lewis' space until one night Lewis fully broke down. From then, the two have been each other's silent and vocal supporters. 

'And what about Carlos?' An innocent thought drifted in, immediately causing Lewis to scoff in disbelief. Apart from having sex, the two had yet to talk more than 2 sentences to each other. 

'Not Carlos… not yet,' he found himself thinking, his hopeful yearning for more connection added. 

Pushing those nagging thoughts he zoned back into his preparation. 

-linebreak-

Carlos was happy. Their car was finally a competitor. He finally had the ability to fight at the front. But Max and Charles were in a league of their own - and he realised, he just wasn't there.

He was a self-aware man, it is a prerequisite to be able to assess one's limitations to see where you can improve further. But he hated it. He hated that he knew that despite all his efforts, those two just have the edge on him. 

And not to mention Lewis. Lewis, the 7 time world champion. The ultimate peak of F1 and in his opinion, the most talented one in the paddock. He knew what people said about him. How Lando used to talk about him.

'Arrogant.' 'Lucky.' 'Can only perform in the best car.' But he knew Lewis was more than that - that he too had his own complexities of love and sadness, of life.

And he was lucky to see Lewis in his vulnerability, as they gave each other moments of ecstasy. But Carlos wanted more. He knew he shouldn't - this was their agreement and he agreed. But yet he wanted to know Lewis outside the bed. He was curious. Those smiles that Lewis gave him in those isolated moments left him yearning for me. Those little giggles compared to the loud, boisterous laughs in the paddock. How bright Lewis' face could be compared to the guarded expression plastered on his face.

This was dangerous. But in the end of the day, he was an F1 driver, danger was his forte. So he let his gaze drift to the lone Mercedes driver, whose presence kept Carlos in this state of want. And there he saw it. The little mark, a glimpse of his mark on F1's star. He didn't realise it, but his gaze had now turned into a thickening possessive want, eyes ablaze. And he saw his effects as finally Lewis lifted his eyes to look right at him.

Lewis gulped. He could feel someone's gaze. He lifted his eyes and there he caught it. That look. That face. There were butterflies fluttering in the pit of his stomach, as need pooled in. 'Fuck. One gaze and he's reducing me to a horny mess,' Lewis thought as he quickly looked away. He needed to focus. And Carlos too realised - in 2 hours they are competitors - and that is reality. Not what ever this feeling was. 

-linebreak-

A double podium and win for Ferrari. Could the season start any better? Carlos didn't get the win, but there was hope. Finally, hope. But at last, he was on the podium again - with a gleaming Lewis beside him. Both are quite happy with the double DNFs of Red Bull. 

It was an exhilarating experience. But it was even more heartstopping to see Lewis in his element. 'A man with more podiums and wins that most of us combined' he remembered as he sprayed Champagne all over him. 

And there time stopped as Lewis gave him that smile. Eyes turned up, crinkling as his face shone with elation. Carlos' heart stopped. Those bright eyes. And Lewis stopped too. Head tilted, his innate innocence coming through. And there for just a moment they were surrounded by only each other. 

But quickly, the time ended and they had to slink back to their respective teams. But Carlos knew he couldn't go tonight without having Lewis next to him. So with one last shoulder hug, he came close to Lewis' ear to whisper, "Text me your room number." 

Lewis let the husky voice pass through him, letting a tingle travel down his spine.

And so the two departed as two colleagues, with their own secret.

-line break-

Carlos had just exited the shower, steam still rolling off his defined shoulders as the towel swung low on his hips.

A ping came out, 10:44pm: "Room 404." Carlos let a smile overcome his face. 'Just one more night.' 

Chapter Text

Lewis couldn’t believe it. He was knocked out in Q1. Him. Sir Lewis Hamilton, 7 time World Champion, knocked out of Q1. He couldn’t face the team as the embarrassment and shock overcame him, while his pride also sorely burned from his horrific performance today. So he wandered, searching for a small enclave he could hide in and never emerge from. He could almost hear Nico Rosberg’s gleeful taunts on the commentary saying, “Last season was too much. He is finished.”

But today was the first time he thought, maybe he was? Nothing made sense. He couldn’t connect with the car and each weekend Merc had new parts to test so each time it was like he was driving a new beast. He normally revelled in this challenge but already he could feel the pressure bearing down on him. He let his thoughts run over, his head burrowed in his hands in a tiny space between the back of the garages, completely unnoticeable to the normal busy personnel. However not to one Carlos Sainz Jr.

Carlos could only sympathise with Lewis’ pain, to be so thoroughly beaten by a teammate hurt, but then he also didn’t understand the pressure of being the most successful driver, with an underachieving car and still recovering from one of the biggest injustices in sport history.

As he walked towards his garage after the pen interviews, he noticed a shadow. Intrigued with some time to kill and a nagging feel in his stomach to investigate he followed his instinct. He found a forlorn Lewis, now looking so small and defenceless against the criticism and harsh expectations of the sport. Carefully, noticing the other was in his own world, covered him for any onlookers, pretending to have just stopped to answer a phone call. Meanwhile Lewis glanced up to see the person suddenly shielding him from curious stares.

‘Carlos,’ he noted in relief, then swiftly questioning, ‘why am I so relieved it is Carlos?’ eyes shining as he finally felt safe in the hurricane of miserable events today. Regardless, Carlos realised Lewis was now staring up at him, eyes filled with relief, gratefulness and something else he couldn’t quite pick out.

Crouching down, Carlos looked at him with gentle eyes and a soft smile, asking “are you okay?”

Lewis felt the robotic words of “Yes I’m fine” almost escape him, until he stopped, pondered for a moment and gave into his gut to be able to say his truth.

“I feel like I’m failing. Everything keeps going wrong,” he whispered, not able to hold his gaze at the sudden rush of vulnerability.

As if he was cradling a piece of delicate glassword, hands so gentle and considerate as Carlos brought Lewis' face up to face him. Up close, Carlos observed the slight flutter of Lewis’ lashes as his doe eyes stared confused into him. Painting the picture of his innocence. Lewis’ face was heating up. No one had made him blush like a schoolgirl, and yet made a simple touch feel so intimate. But he was drawn to him, those beautiful caramel eyes filled with generous kindness were too endearing to ignore. So they simply held their gaze while Carlos finally spoke, “You are 7 time World Champion, statistically the greatest F1 driver there ever was. No one can dispute this, so don’t let your mind ignore the facts, because I don’t.”

He needed to hear that. Someone other than his family to tell him he means something, that his records mean something - because often the entire F1 world seems to glaze over this while still praising the man whose records he overtook.

So Lewis took a chance. Carlos was still, Lewis hadn't said a word and they were looking in this gaze, both unable to break away as they were lost in each other. And there was a quick kiss on his lips. In broad daylight. Carlos in a daze gently touched his lips, and before he could speak, Lewis said, “Thank you Carlos. For everything.” And he ran a blush rising to his cheeks as he realised what he just did.

“Why did you do that? God Lewis get a grip on yourself,” he berated himself as he walked into the team meeting and let the day take his thoughts away.

Carlos meanwhile couldn’t understand the actions - that kiss seemed so intimate yet they had established their boundaries. But more concerning why did his heart race at a simple kiss and at sight of those pure joy filled eyes?

‘What is this feeling that keeps drawing me to him? Is it still the attraction still pulling me to him?’ pondered Carlos as he wandered back to the ferrari motorhome.

-line break-

The race went as expected - Lewis was only able to climb to 10th and Carlos 3rd. The desert wind swirled around Carlos as he paced in the paddock. Thoughts dancing around, the tug to his heart continued as he watched Lewis talk seriously with Bono as they left the motorhome. Then a curiosity popped into his head. He wanted to see what Lewis’ reaction was to his text, ‘does he also smile when he sees me?’

So he stood behind the trees, and sent the text, “Want to meet at the bar tonight?”

Lewis felt the vibration of his phone and quickly glanced down to see Carlos’ text. A glorious smile appeared on his face, he could do with some distraction. So quickly he replied “Yes, meet at 9pm?”

Carlos felt his heart warm, he hoped for a smile but to see that beautiful smile just from his text. It made him feel… well…appreciated? He couldn't quite pinpoint the exact emotion, but he guessed they had now moved from fuck buddies to friends with benefits.

He walked back, whistling as his heart beat to the tune. 'Yup today is a good day.'

-line break-

Lewis sipped slowly at his gin and tonic as he listened to Carlos regale his worries.

Carlos knew he wasn’t at Charles’ standard, yet it helped to have a 7 time WC look and listen to you as if you were the only person that mattered in the room. Verstappen and Leclerc had been in a league of their own in this race, and Carlos’ heart clenched yet again at the reality of the widening gap between his dream and himself.

Lewis noticed the diminishing of the fire in Carlos’ eyes and spoke softly, “You should always put your dreams on a pedestal. Away from any one else, too far that the only person that conceivably touches it, is yourself. If you want to reach for your dreams, so if you let others hold you down, will you ever be able to reach them?”

Carlos looked at him wide eyed. He was right. Many will always bring you down, but you are the only one with the ability to live your life. So he knocked back his tequila and turned to the other.

“Message clear. Enough work talk. I want to know more about you,” a boyish grin now adorning his face as he spoke.

Lewis laughed, his anxiety and genuine shock at the question, causing an automatic reaction. Who was he? No one really bothered knowing, and when they did, very few stayed.

But seeing Carlo look so brightly at him, eyes brimming with curiosity, he felt his walls lower just a bit.

In a false pompous tone, voice carrying a purposeful rhythm, he replied, “A maestro in bed, fashionista, environmentalist, animal lover and part time F1 driver. Lewis Hamilton, nice to meet you.”

The jokey air around him smoothed over his innate need to hide further. Putting a front was always the best way to show people what they want to see.

Yet Carlos was looking at him, a smile still plastered on his face - but watching him as if he knew that wasn’t what Lewis truly thought about himself, like was seeing right through him. A blush quickly appeared as he was still being observed by the other.

Then Carlos said, “Nice to meet you. I am Carlos, part time fitness guru, model, part time dog dad and 100% adrenaline junkie.” Lewis grinned back. It was nice to have someone who could read him and understand him just through… well actually paying attention.

And so the evening flowed, with the pair sharing every story under the sun from school to dreams of the world outside the confines of F1.

Lewis turned to adjust his jacket when he saw Lando just outside the bar, staring intently at him and Carlos. He waved but as he waved, Lando quickly turned away and left. ‘Odd,’ thought Lewis, but shook it off.

“Mhm, normally he says hi,” mumbled Lewis as he took another sip of gin.

Carlos could feel the daggers on his back. Annoyance rose. He quietly knocked back his shot smile now transformed into a scowl. Lewis quickly glanced at him, noticing the sudden quiet.

“Why the sudden angry man look?” asked Lewis, poking Carlos playfully in the side.

Sighing, Carlos grumbled, “He’s still acting like a jealous boyfriend. Despite the fact we broke up more than a year ago.”

Lewis sat stunned. Carlos… and Lando dated? He faced turned into an adorable meld of confusion and surprise. Carlos couldn’t help but pinch those soft cheeks, bringing Lewis back to reality.
“Lando and you dated?” was all the other could say.

Carlos couldn’t help but chuckle at his friend’s trance-like state. His mood now completely forgotten. ‘He seems to always bring me back,’ he couldn’t help but think.

“We dated two years ago. Over my Mclaren days. Thought we were compatible you know? And it was good, until I got the Ferrari offer. Lando couldn’t accept it. Thought I’d forever be in Mclaren with him. It went sour very quickly, and we had to end it,” said Carlos, voice now brittle as he shuddered at the memories of the awful fights they had.

Lewis didn’t say anything, just let his friend speak as much as he wanted. And so Carlos finally let it out.

“I was so excited about the opportunity, but he only saw it as me leaving him. And that’s when I realised. We worked well because we were constantly put in each other’s orbit, but did we actually love each other? I realised I didn’t. It was convenient and I was convinced that this was what love was. But never in those two years did I open up about my fears or worries, or even speak about my dreams. It was all so… immature. And that’s not what I wanted nor needed in a partner. I want someone who has the ability to understand all sides of me, and all ambitions, beyond my commitment as a lover. So I realised, after two years, that this relationship wasn’t what I needed nor deserved, and Lando simply couldn’t give me the security I needed. So I broke it off.”

Lewis simply grasped the other’s hand, rubbing his thumb in reassuring circles as he let the other come down from his admission. He understood. A partner was also your confident, and if you don’t feel safe to trust your full self with them, you won’t be able to ever be yourself near them.

Carlos’ face had fallen forlorn, as he realised, ‘Will I ever find that person?’

Before those thoughts could get a hold, he felt Lewis dragging him up.

“Let’s go,” and with that Lewis turned and left, having signed the bill. Carlos was confused until he saw Lewis’ swaying hips and the cheeky wink thrown at him. ‘This man,’ he thought as he let him lead the way.

-line break-

They both got all their frustration out that night. Carlos woke up first, hissing as his back rubbed harshly against the sheets. Turning around in the mirror he could the lines down his back. Shaking his head he moved to the shower, leaving the still sleeping beauty resting in bed, but not without an instinctive gentle kiss to his forehead.

Lewis opened his eyes, to a view of the masterpiece he had made of Carlos’ back. He gasped. He didn’t realise he could be so… violent? Carlos heard the soft gasp as he was examining the marks left from last night.

“Good morning,” his husky voice let out, walking towards the bed, gaze keeping Lewis enraptured.

Lewis gulped. “I’m sorry. I know you said no marks, but I made a lot last night it seems. Your back, do you have any creams?” he rushed out, starting to scramble around the bed.

But Carlos locked his arms to his side. “Tit for tat,” he said, smirking. Before Lewis could reply, Carlos dipped his head and his lips were at his jugular, sucking a deep bruise into his weak point. Arousal flared as he moaned deep at the sensation. Not stopping, Carlos continued to pepper his shoulders with smaller bites.

“CARLOS!” exclaimed the other, still stuck against the Spaniard’s bare chest and locked in his hold.

“All’s fair in love and war,” sing-songed Carlos, now fully laughing at Lewis’ abashed appearance. Lewis couldn’t help but join in and then note wistfully, “I guess no point having that in our agreement. Though don’t you think Lando might put it together? He saw us together last night, and now we both have love marks all over us.”

Carlos thought for a moment, suddenly worried then realised, “but the next race isn’t till two weeks. Plenty of time for the marks to fade.”

Lewis hummed in agreement and moved to also get up, when he realised he couldn't move.

"Carlos, c'mon," he tried as he wriggled in the other's hold, but to no avail. Rather Carlos tightened his hold, and moved on top of him, fully trapping Lewis beneath with nothing but a towel separating them. He lifted his eyes to see Carlos' heated gaze, and then followed a single droplet that carried itself down his sinewy muscles and carved torso.

"I guess," he said, voice almost inaudible, "one more round wouldn't hurt." As he said thus, he stripped off Carlos' towel, letting him settle fully between his legs and he brought their lips into a lock.

As Lewis nipped his lower lip Carlos let out a deep groan, mumbling breathlessly, "just one more round."

-line break-

Carlos sat stiffly against the plane seat, one more round did not help his back.

Charles could see his constant shuffling and asked, "can't get comfortable?". And there as Carlos twisted his shirt lifted, exposing part of his back.

Charles quickly shuffled next to him to whisper hotly in the other's ear, " who the fuck did you sleep with? Those scratches are big man."

Carlos sighed. He should've known Charles would catch him out of all of them. So he glossed over it, voice neutral and face also steady, "saw her in the paddock. She wanted a good night and I gave it to her. Only thing is she had long nails, so now my back is a bit fucked."

He hated it. To talk about his night with Lewis as if it was so insignificant didn't sit well with him. It was an amazing night (and morning) and the connection was way beyond physical. They were up late into the night talking about the silliest of things then suddenly opening up to their biggest worries. And this morning, having Lewis lay on his chest as he drew little circles on his skin, filled him up with affection and another tingling feeling… was it love?

So he closed his eyes, listening to Charles' blast 100 questions about it in his ear. But he will never know, no those moments belonged to Lewis and him only. Only he could see Lewis in that way, and that was enough.

-line break-

"GEORGE! You pushed me into the wall again!" Screeched Alex for the nth time that night. The rest of the quartet were losing it. George only played to mess with Alex and they all knew it.

However Charles' head was elsewhere. He had observed Carlos that plane ride and he was sure there was something bothering him. As he had questioned about the woman Carlos remained closed off. And his eyes, he looked so sad.

"Charles, where is your head?" questioned Lando.

"Just thinking about Carlos' mystery woman," he said without thinking. Fuck… Carlos won't appreciate me sharing this.

The whole lobby went quiet. Half in curiosity and half waiting for Lando's reaction, not knowing how to react.

It was Lando who spoke up, "Do you know who?"

Everyone let out a breath. They knew that Lando was still sore about his breakup and would be eager to get back with Carlos, if Carlos gave him the time of day.

"No I don't. But she left some major marks down his back. He couldn't sit properly the whole flight back," he giggled. George and Alex let out a laugh while Lando went quiet.

'Our sex was always so vanilla, since when did Carlos like such women?' Fumed Lando.

"Oh, talking about teammate adventures. Lewis also was sporting a huge hickey on his neck. He forgot to cover it as he normally does so the whole team got a free pass to rinse him," George added, "second race this season too that he's been sporting a love mark. Think he has re-entered his fuckboy era."

All of them laughed. Lewis' love life was always under scrutiny though nothing actually happened. But finally, something was.

But Lando remained quiet. 'Lewis and Carlos were at the bar together that night. Could it be?'

So he asked, "could Lewis and Carlos be sleeping with each other? I saw them at the bar that night together."

Charles and George looked thoughtful before both letting out a negative.

"It was definitely a woman, no way a man, especially with Lewis' nails could make that mark," explained Charles.

George agreed, "and Lewis has confirmed to me that he is looking for a girl to settle down with."

Lando agred but yet the suspicion remained. 'They looked close.'

"Also no offence but Lewis is not Carlos' type. He likes the classically pretty people, like you Lando," further added Charles'.

That ego boost was enough to banish his thoughts. 'Yeah no way that Carlos would be into Lewis.'

-line break-

And in another part of the world, Lewis and Carlos were sat on their respective sofas, enraptured in a never-ending text conversation. Memes and dog photos being their primary focus, yet it was the fact it was with eachother that made them smile the most.

They had laid out their carefully thought out lies, so they could hide in plainsight. Everyone else was none the wiser.

Chapter Text

“So what about no sex before the race?” breathed out Lewis. He was currently on top of Carlos, as the other ground slowly into him, gentle yet firm. 

“Well you didn’t object,” countered Carlos followed by a bruising kiss. Their lips melded as if all air had left them and they were each other’s oxygen. Lewis pulled back slightly, just to see. He loved Carlos like this. All raw emotion, eyes bright while his body glistened. The way he didn’t feel afraid to indulge in this. 

It dawned on him. ‘His freedom,’ that is what he loved. 

“I didn’t,” bit out Lewis as Carlos finally thrust into his sweet spot. That one noise switched the pace as Carlos tightened his hold around Lewis, keeping him there as he began to hammer into his sweet spot. Lewis lost all of his fight, letting him take everything and more. His orgasm came like a whirlwind and he fell into Carlos as he let go. Carlos continued to thrust into him, eyes wild but hands softening and thrusts held back to not make Lewis too sensitive nor sore. He soon followed, spreading kisses onto Lewis’ neck as he reached his peak. 

Even in his post orgasmic haze, Lewis smiled sweetly and kissed the corner of Carlos’ mouth in thanks for his consideration. Carlos felt his heart light up, such a smile for him? It felt like he could conquer anything just for that sweet smile to give him that race of feelings. ‘But why? We are only friends with benefits.’ He let that go. First, he gently turned them around, aware Lewis was very sensitive post their coupling. 

After a few minutes of letting them catch their breath, he gently pulled out, noting Lewis’ soft hiss. ‘I’ll need to apply some balm there as well,’ he thought concerned, worried as they both have a long race tomorrow. ‘I hope he doesn’t hate me too much after this.’ He gently laid him out. As he turned them he noticed the blossoming bruises on Lewis’ lower back. A frown formed. The porpoising was started to take a toll on all of them, but to see the bruises, further concern rooted in his mind. 

Lewis could only bask in the sea of content that washed over him. When he was with Carlos everything felt so right, when in reality everything was going so wrong. Then he felt two big arms lifting him up, he let out a sound of surprise. “Carlos! We have to race tomorrow!” he exclaimed in alarm. Carlos chuckled, that deep laugh that lit up every cell in him.  

“You are not heavy mi amor,” the other replied. Lewis’ heart stopped. ‘That nickname again. We need to stop using this or we will truly make a mess of things.’ But for now, he simply burrowed himself deeper into those arms as they submerged themselves into the bath water. 

“I added some salts and oils to help relax everything. Can’t have you sore for tomorrow,” murmured Carlos as he drew slow circles on Lewis’ arm, eyes fixated on his body art. “Mhm,” was all Lewis could reply as he felt himself drift.

Carlos could feel Lewis slowly give into the slumber. ‘But he has to leave.’ He turned to glance at the clock, it was already 12am, they couldn’t afford to waste any more time. Every part of him protested but he knew they couldn’t cross this line.

“Lewis, you have to go soon, you can't fall asleep,” said Carlos, voice thin but pleading. But all Lewis wanted was to lean against that comforting heartbeat that helped soothe that voice. But it had come alive again, ‘Don’t overstay your welcome. It’s clear he doesn’t want you like that,’ it sneered and his heart clenched. 

As if he was struck with lightning, Lewis jumped up. “Yes you are right,” he murmured, head low as tears threatened to come from the now stabbing feeling in his heart. He clambered out of the bath and gathered his clothes in a flash of movements. Carlos couldn’t even say goodnight before the other was dashing out the door. 

He leaned back against the wall of the bath, eyes shutting in frustration. ‘Why does it have to be so hard?’ he brooded, as he tried to calm his heart bursting in rapid fire shots. 

Similarly, Lewis stood outside the door, hand on his heart as he chanted under his breath, ‘Remember our rules. He doesn't love you, he only wants your body.’ It was harsh, but it was the only way to get his heart to accept reality. 

-line break-

Lewis couldn't help but ponder how all this came to be as he sat under his umbrella on the slow moving truck. Sunglasses on and all he could look at was Carlos laughing with the youngsters. 'Guess he does really belong with them.' He kept his distance as did Carlos. Neither had approached each other since last night, as if both silently agreed that they were getting too close. Lewis’ grip around the umbrella tightened as Carlos flashed his pleasing grin to his friends. And there, Lando placed a hand on Carlos’ bicep as they laughed and Carlos did not move away. He forced his gaze away. 

‘Are we friends?’ As he was about to spiral down into a internal conversation that could only end in self-torture, Carlos had sidled up to him nudging him on the shoulder. He took out his earphone, leaning towards him coolly, despite the fact he felt like a schoolgirl whose crush had come to speak to him. 

“We are okay right?” whispered Carlos, voice thrumming with nervousness. Carlos hated it. Not being able to even graze his arm, to hold him just for a moment. The constant need to touch Lewis stayed under his skin as they remained just a paper width apart. He turned to look at him but he couldn’t gauge any hint of emotion, all hidden under Lewis’ well constructed facade. 

“Yeah of course man,” responded Lewis, tone so distant and unfamiliar Carlos shivered. ‘But this is what they have to do. We are professionals. No one can know,’ he reminded himself, as he pulled himself back to the gaggle of drivers at the centre. He could see the curiosity in their eyes.

“What did you have to do with Lewis?” asked George, a slight distrust in his eyes as he stared at the Spaniard. Carlos could see it. ‘This kid…’ he thought. “Just wanted to know something,” he replied smoothly. ‘What he has with Lewis is sacred. No one can know,’ he affirmed, resisting the urge to look back at the man he was unknowingly falling for.

Yet again the race was infuriating. Neither were able to get the result they wanted, Carlos DNF’ed in the first lap and Lewis came behind his young teammate. Carlos was itching to text Lewis. Luckily both had the same idea.

‘Met me by the Merc garage, we can go back to the hotel together,’ it read. Carlos pondered. Despite all their efforts to stay away, Lewis wanted to go back together? He wanted to question it, yet he glowed at the knowledge that people would see that Lewis and him are ‘friends’. ‘That’s it,’ he smirked as he walked towards the garage following his interviews and de-briefs. ‘Hide in plain sight, you smart man,’ he hummed a merry song, akin to Smooth Operator, as he reached the doors.

Lewis felt a trill run down his spine as he waited anxiously by the door. He knew that asking Carlos to meet him at the garage would raise eyebrows, but he wanted to be selfish. Seeing how easily those kids could be with him, while he had to maintain his ‘Ice Prince’ status was tiring. He was being risky, letting the world know he can do what he likes because he is Sir Lewis Hamilton. 

There he could see the figure in red pop up, that luscious dark hair bouncing in the sun while he caught that smirk just for him. The two came into each other's orbit, a gravitational force pulling them together as they clasped hands, much to the delight of all the wandering photographers always looking for what more they can get out of the drivers. ‘We do look good together don’t we?’ thought Carlos smugly as flash after flash followed Lewis and him towards the car. 

He leant towards Lewis, arms stuck to his side despite the temptation to just wrap it round that tiny waist. “So we decided we were ready to move up a level, Sir Hamilton?” teased Carlos watching as a slight blush rose onto Lewis’ cheek. He couldn’t let him get away with that. 

So he twisted his head, mouth close to Carlos’ sensitive spot under his ear, breath tantalising close to his sweet spot and said softly, “Well I just wanted to join your boy crowd, felt unfair I couldn’t also get a piece of you in public.” Then promptly moved away to create that loss of warmth and feeling. Carlos almost swore. In public he could feel a hard on forming. 

‘This man,’ he shook his head as ran to catch up. They looked at the two cars waiting for them. The scarlet Ferrari or the comfortable Merc? Carlos turned to look at Lewis, whose eyes flashed dangerously. “I’m feeling the Ferrari, drive me?” asked Lewis innocently, but Carlos could see something was working in his mind but he could not understand what. So he smiled back, “Sure get in,” he agreed. 

They sprinted away, leaving the paddock in a news flurry. ‘Carlos and Lewis new friendship formed?’ thought a reporter, face lit up like a Christmas tree at new gossip.

The pair enjoyed the comfortable silence that had settled, feeling the car zip through the streets as they took a detour around the city. Carlos was focussed, but felt a sudden touch on his thigh. 

He looked to his side alarmed, wondering if Lewis had needed to suddenly rest for support. But their gazes caught and he could see the lust radiating from Lewis. 

“Lewis?” queried Carlos, gulping as the other smiled wider. Carlos swallowed again, feeling his hard on still straining against his underwear. 

“Pull over,” asked Lewis, noticing an abandoned car park coming up. Carlos nodded, bringing the car to a halt. Not wasting a moment, Lewis slipped his hand into Carlos’ trousers bringing out his member. 

“Lewis what are you…?” before Carlos could even utter the question, Lewis bent over to take him into his mouth. 

“FUCK!” he groaned out as one hand quickly went to clutch at Lewis’ braids with the other resting heavily on Lewis’ neck, keeping him in place. He made no movement stop Carlos from further pressing him down onto his cock, simply opening his throat further. Carlos’ face contorted in pleasure as he felt the warm pleasure spread through him bucking deeper. Noticing the lack of resistance he began to get rougher, he continued to hold Lewis firmly by the neck, keeping him there as he thrust into the tight heat. 

Lewis was in heaven. The lack of oxygen was overwhelming yet the noises that Carlos was making only spurred him. ‘Yes only he was making Carlos like this,’ he gloated to himself as he felt the other grip his hair tighter and the thrusts got more erratic. He tightened his throat and felt the immediate reaction as Carlos let go, still holding him steady as he was forced to swallow the load. 

Carlos let his head roll back, riding out the last waves of his orgasm finally opening his eyes to see the sultry sight below. He gently coaxed his cock out, thumbs spreading those swollen lips as he realised Lewis’ swallowed everything. He could see some cum still smeared on the side of his lip, so he gently swiped it and fed that back to Lewis, watching with a carnal gaze as Lewis lewdly sucked on his thumb. He could feel he was getting hard again, so quickly yanked Lewis into his lap, the other yelping at the sudden movement. 

“You are a minx, has anyone told you?” Carlos purred into Lewis’ ear, arms wrapping around that sensuous waist and quickly delivering a sharp slap to that beautiful backside. Lewis moaned out, covered by Carlos’ lips in an energetic kiss, teeth knocking and Lewis felt Carlos nibble hard on his lips, sending another pleasurable shiver down his spine. Lewis opened his legs wider wrapping around Carlos as much as he could.  He was so hard, sucking Carlos off had nearly brought him to his release, but he needed just that bit more. 

Carlos could see Lewis was squirming to try to get purchase and that last bit of friction. “You’ve been so good, baby, so let me help you,” he whispered hotly into the other’s ear as he quickly pulled out Lewis’ cock. He quickly rubbed him off, just the way he learned Lewis’ liked it, firm and almost too much. Lewis lost himself in the pleasure letting his orgasm take over. 

Heavy breathing took over the silence, Lewis curling into Carlos as the other held him. “So what brought this on?” sighed out Carlos.

“Always wanted to try this in a Ferrari,” giggled Lewis, playing with the collar of Carlos’ t-shirt.  

Carlos smiled. “So nothing to do with the fact that Lando had put his arm on me today?” he asked slowly, feeling Lewis tense just a bit. 

“Not at all. Who am I to be jealous? We are just friends with benefits right?” let out Lewis, tone neutral but Carlos could sense the bitterness. ‘Perhaps we are getting too close?’ mulled Lewis as shame settled in. He couldn’t be this possessive over Carlos, he’s his own person. 

Suddenly a hand titled his head up, eyes now aligned with Carlos’. ‘They are so beautiful, so warm,’ was the immediate thought Carlos had as he searched Lewis’ eyes. “I liked it. If you get jealous again I expect the same,” he said casually, watching as Lewis began to bluster out excuses.

“I was not jealous!” he exclaimed, hitting Carlos on the shoulder, nearly losing his balance with Carlos quickly catching him before he bashed his head in.

They quickly laughed it off before realising. “Um Carlos you have a spare shirt in your bag right, we better change?” said Lewis sheepishly as they realised that there was a bit of a mess to clean. 

They returned to the hotel under a setting sun, entering unnoticed to the world. The new shirts slipping under everyone’s radar. ‘We have to love going down under,’ mused Carlos as he caught Lewis’ gaze one last time before they separated, smiling softly at the grin the other threw at him. 

Unaware, there was another pair of drivers watching them. 

George turned to Charles, “You saw that too right?” Charles nodded mutely. 

“When did they become besties?” he asked out loud. George nodded profusely, “My thoughts exactly. I’m still struggling to get close to Lewis!”

“Anyways let’s go, Alex and Daniel are waiting for us,” followed George as they left the hotel. Hiding in plain sight sometimes really did work. 

Chapter Text

It seemed Carlos and Lewis were cursed this season. Emilia Romgna persisted in being another terrible race, a pointless finish for Lewis and a DNF for Carlos. Lewis sighed. This car was so difficult to handle. The additional stress that Mercedes were depending on his feedback as they tried new set ups each time was wearing down his confidence.

‘But I am the Team Leader, this is my responsibility,’ he thought as he stared at George laughing with the mechanics. His inner voice chided, ‘But you are the one sacrificing yourself for the car. The new boy isn’t having to do any of this.’ He sighed again as inner conflicts arose.

As a low mood began to take over, a distant yet familiar voice was calling his name. “Lewis!” There he could see a weirdly jubilated Carlos Sainz in his Ferrari glory waving at him. Chuckling he walked towards him, joining him under the umbrella as they walked to the Driver Debrief. George only watched as the new besties walked together, muttering in a sulky voice, “I had wanted to walk with Lewis to the debrief.”

“Picking me up like the gentleman you are, Mr Sainz?” teased Lewis, as he happily crowded into Carlos’ space under the umbrella. It took everything for Carlos not to wrap his arm around him.

“You are awfully happy for another DNF?” inquired Lewis, unable to get over his own disappointment of the day.

“Well,” began Carlos, sidling his body up closer to Lewis under the guise of the umbrella. “It is the end of the weekend and we have a two week break, meaning you are mine tonight.” He finished in a husky tone that sent a spike of arousal through Lewis. Lewis shoved him, though he was true, hating the fact Carlos had already got him thinking about tonight.

“You are literally a horn dog. Only want me for my body,” chastised Lewis, but he couldn't ignore the truth in his statement. They are kinda friends, but their physical attraction was what kept Carlos next to him. Nothing more.

Expecting the conversation to stall, Lewis fell back into his mind.

“I don’t,” softly said Carlos, as he looked at Lewis with those molton brown orbs, a soft smile adorning his face. “I don’t only like you for your body. You are my friend and I genuinely like your company.”

Lewis stared at him perhaps longer than needed, but he felt light headed at the realisation that they were now finally friends. He couldn’t guard his smile anymore and let out a beaming smile at Carlos, replying in a small voice, “I like hanging out with you too.”

They continued to chat away while other drivers observed. Two pairs of eyes continued to glare at the new paddock besties.

“Since when were Hamilton and Sainz so close?” queried Max, taking a long sip of his redbull, eyes narrowing as Lewis leaned into Carlos further as they played around.

Lando’s face was thunderous. “Seems it's happened this season. Not sure why they are so close but not my problem,” he said, voice seething but he tried hard to come across blasé.

Max hummed at this. Even when he fought so hard with Lewis, he never got this level of acknowledgment. Yet someone who hasn’t even won a race can get so close to the Champion? ‘No this won’t do,’ he thought. He worked so hard to be recognised, yet Lewis never let him close. ‘I need to keep an eye on them.’ he affirmed, fist tightening as he watched Carlos gently tuck a stray braid behind Lewis’ ear.

The meeting went as per usual and George and Lewis went together back to the Mercedes Garage.

“Sorry I know the car is a handful for you right now, especially as you are trying all the new parts. I’m sorry I’m not experienced enough to help here,” George said earnestly. He didn't know how to show Lewis he wanted a good relationship, but he could try.

Lewis turned to him. He saw the hesitant smile and determination in George's face. He realised he had barely given George the time this season, so caught up with all the changes and hurt that he carried. ‘The kid probably thinks I hate him.’

“You don't need to feel sorry, George. I am the elder and the Team Leader, so lean on me a bit” he said, voice stable and keeping a solid arm around George's shoulder. “Once you are used to the car you can take over some of the experiments,” he added with a chuckle. This season will be one of ups and downs, and he can only hope it goes upwards.

-line break-

Wrapping up for a mini break before the USA was a welcome relief to Lewis. He could finally go relax in Colorado, his own sanctuary in the woods.

‘It would be better if Carlos could join me,’ he found himself thinking. His mind drifted to the clouds of his want.

Waking up to Carlos in the morning, the gentle woody scent floating in with the fresh pine mist. Eating breakfast together and going on runs, just being able to freely be together with no eyes.

‘I can invite him! Yes I can invite him to Colorado,’ he realised, eyes lighting up, smiling a mile wide. ‘Let me ask him tonight.’

There he saw the familiar red shirts of the Ferrari boys. Unable to control his excitement he ran to them, unaware George was also close behind.

Carlos was bunched closed to Charles, faces close as they had their own debrief. Carlos was brought out of their bubble by a soft hand on his arm.

There he saw the bright face of Lewis, a gentle grin adorning his face as their eyes matched.

“Hey Carlos, hey mate,” greeted Lewis, quickly clasping hands with them.

“Carlos I had a question for one sec?” He asked, looking carefully at Charles for his approval. The other nodded and Lewis pulled him away.

Instantly the energy melted into sultry affection, as Carlos saddled close to Lewis, faces close to each other.

“Can't wait until tonight to see me mi amor?” Carlos teasingly whispered, breath so close it tickled him sending a shiver down his spine.

“I wanted to ask if you,” suddenly he lost his voice as that dread doubt reentered his head. ‘Why would he? Your agreement is to be fuck buddies / friends. You are not his lover.’

Carlos could see Lewis freeze. ‘I've seen this before. That night in the bath.’ Before Lewis’ thoughts took over, Carlos prompted, “You wanted to ask?”

It was like a lifeline dragging Lewis out of the engulfing waves of self doubt. He began voice trembling, his tone much softer and quieter, “Do you want to come to stay in Colorado with me during this break? We can train together of course.” Lewis’ eyes were hopeful, but he couldn't keep his heart from racing, hands twisting around nothing as he waited.

Carlos’ heart lifted. No one gets invited into Lewis’ personal paradise, yet here he was inviting him. “I would love to,” he said, voice a bit loud drawing George and Charles out of their own conversation as they waited for their teammates.

Charles could see the light flush of Carlos’ skin, and Lewis’ avoidant eyes. “Would love what Carlito?” he asked, unable to keep his curiosity.

Carlos flayed around. ‘Fuck what excuse can I use?’ Before he could answer, Lewis replied, “I invited him to spend some time in my house in Colorado before the Miama GP.” Carlos turned, eyes catching with Lewis, panic and confusion being conveyed. But Lewis gave a calm look with a shrug. ‘We can't hide this, a lie would've made it worse. Let's hope they let it go.’ he thought.

Charles and George hummed. At that Carlos and Lewis let a mental sight of relief. Charles and George looked at each other cheekily, like two school kids waiting on their prank to be set off. However suddenly the pair belted out, “Let us come too! We want to see your house as well.”

Charles continued, “I've wanted to for ages, ever since you posted it.” And George added, “We can even make it a great PR thing between us!” Their excitement and eagerness to be included made it impossible for them to refuse.

Carlos and Lewis sighed, taking a long look between them as they realised their quiet time was now gone because they had no reason to refuse.

“Sure let's all go together. I'm thinking about next week before Miami. George you can travel with me and Charles, Carlos we can meet you at the nearest airport and drive together.”

And there it happened. The first joint team escape, much to the dismay of the pair.

Later that night, as Lewis tucked his head into Carlos’ arm, he murmured, “I'm sorry. I wanted it to be just us and I got too excited and now Charles and George are joining us.”

He felt Carlos drag him in closer. “It will be fun. We may need to sneak around, but we can try!” He replied enthusiastically, “And maybe we can throw off Charles’ scent. He has been looking at us weirdly.”

They both giggled at that, letting sleep take them but hearts alight with excitement.

-line break-

And so the trip kicked off. Lewis picked them up with his SUV and drove them through the thick woods, letting his guests embrace the quiet and privacy of nature's curtains.

They reached the impressive chateau, quickly dragging their bags to enter the cosy home. ‘This is so Lewis,’ thought Charles as he looked at the intricate designs and homely state.

Silently Carlos stood behind Lewis, letting an arm wrap around him as they watched George and Charles wander around, alike to two parents. Softly Carlos thanked Lewis, “Thank you for letting us into your private space.”

-line break-

The week was honestly a breath of fresh air for all of them. The ability to train and enjoy without pressure from trainers or their teams. They did a good amount of content (to satisfy their bosses and PR), namely a cute video of Lewis making them all a vegan breakfast, earning him the official ‘Grid-Dad’ title with Carlos then cleaning up after, earning the ‘Grid-Husband’ title.

Charles had decided to do a sneaky live as Lewis and Carlos sat close together by the fire, speaking softly completely in their own world as George slept undisturbed in between them. Charles whispered to the fans, “Don’t they look like parents whose kid has fallen asleep?” The internet, understandably, blew its top.

All four drivers felt barriers had fallen this trip, and they got to learn from each other. Lewis learnt some new workouts from the youngsters while he imparted some of his wisdom and outrageous stories (some featuring the wiley Fernando) which made them laugh till their stomachs hurt.

‘This is nice,’ mused Lewis as he finished his run, taking a gulp full of the fresh air. Carlos came to slow next to him, tackling him in a hug, pressing a kiss to his neck.

Though they hadn't been able to spend as much time together, they snuck out for early runs after rolling out of bed together, before sneaking back to their own rooms.

“I like being here with you,” said Carlos, arms still bracketing Lewis as they watched the sunrise. “I do too,” sighed out Lewis, letting all tension leave his body and fall into those solid arms.

‘Is this love?’ he mildly wondered as they watched the sun together, letting that fuzzy feeling engulf him.

-line break-

The sun filtered in through the black-framed full length windows, covered barely by sheer baby blue curtains that caught the light, bouncing it across the room. The rays drifted to highlight Carlos’ sleeping figure, his muscled back left exposed as the duvet wrapped around Lewis curled to the left. Carlos had an arm casually hooked around Lewis’ waist keeping him close and his face nestled in the crux of Lewis’ neck.

To anyone this looked picturesque. An in-love couple asleep, wrapped in each other's arms. The door hinged open as the energetic pair of George and Charles bounded into Lewis’ room unaware of what they would find.

They halted as soon as they saw the tanned back of Carlos in Lewis’ bed. Charles’ eyes widened and George's mouth dropped open in shock. As they turned to look at each other, the soft sounds of shuffling and a sunray catching his eyes brought Carlos to a soft awakening. He turned to see their teammates glued to the doorway, mind still hazy. Their eyes met.

The pair stared for another second before George squeaked out, “We just wanted to know where the flour is, but don't worry we will find it,” hastily taking them out of the room. Lewis at that moment began shuffling, burying himself deeper into Carlos’ hold.

Carlos had drifted back into the warmth, still not realising the situation. “Hm I heard the door open?” mumbled out Lewis, as Carlos pressed a soft kiss to his neck to gently encourage the other up.

“Yeah it was just George and Charles asking for the flour,” replied Carlos who continued to bask in the warmth of Lewis’ body.

Lewis hummed mindlessly, still processing the statement. George and Charles had come in. “What?” He exclaimed, shooting up and out of the drowsy cloud that had overtaken him.

“George and Charles saw us! Carlos you weren't meant to fall asleep here, for exactly this reason!” panicked Lewis, quickly stripping off the sheets and rushing to the bathroom while throwing Carlos’ shirt at him.

The ball had finally dropped. Carlos quickly popped on his shirt.

“Fuck I was so tired I didn’t even register,” muttered Carlos, watching Lewis pace.

“Well what do we say?” asked Lewis, now focussed on limiting the damage.

Before they could discuss further, they heard George shout out, “Breakfast is ready. Come out already you two!”

Lewis quickly pushed Carlos out of the door, shuffling after him.

They took their seats, but unable to look up, eyes fixated on the wooden boards.

Charles smiled secretly, ‘So there is something going on between them.’ He propped himself on the counter with a Cheshire smile, and asked, “So what are you guys?”

Lewis and Carlos looked at each other. Can they say fuck buddies? But that thought made Lewis quiver in disgust, that label degraded everything they had. ‘But why do you think you are more? You are a convenient bed warmer.’

Carlos was conflicted. They had defined their agreement. ‘Friends with benefits. But why does it feel so wrong to even say?’

There was silence. George and Charles noticed the awkward tension that had emerged. ‘It's clear they haven’t had this discussion properly,’ understood George, observing the jittery reaction of the pair.

Lewis knew they had to say something, but as he began to speak, Carlos clutched his hand under the table. Carlos shared a look with him. It was sweet, reassuring, so Lewis settled back.

“We don't want to put a label, please respect our privacy,” he said firmly, seeing Lewis finally release a sweet smile. They nodded and quickly they dug into the pancakes, letting the topic slip.

‘But what are we?’, the question threw their peaceful balance into the fray. But yet, as Carlos watched Lewis joke with Charles, doing a rendition of Michael Jackson, he let himself imagine what if they were more? That thought alone set butterflies in his stomach. ‘But can we ever be more than this?’ as realism set in, gaze turning mellow.

Charles watched as Carlos unknowingly gazed at Lewis, eyes turned sad. ‘There is something between them, I need to speak to Carlos.’

Chapter Text

Miami GP 

Lewis had retreated to a corner close behind parc ferme, hoping for a breather before he faced the pack of wolves in press. 6th was not good enough. 

“How the mighty have fallen,” drawled a sour voice from the alcove, causing Lewis to jump back.

He quickly scoffed at the appearance of Max. ‘Easy for him to say,’ watching carefully as Max approached him. But it annoyed him, who was he to judge, he didn't drive this car, he didn't understand how horrible it was. 

Lewis stared at Max's looming figure walking towards him. His breath quickened as he noticed Max's harsh gaze, feeling boxed in, as if he was the prey caught in an endless game of survival. A look that held such contempt yet beneath something else… Something he could not point. Lewis sighed, pushing himself against the wall for support as Max quickly entered his personal bubble. 

“What do you want Max? The podium is soon, surely you want to celebrate yet another victory,” replied Lewis evenly, trying to make sense of why Max was here. 

Max stared at the man in front of him. Despite everything, Lewis never showed any other emotion except neutrality, and it riled him. Why did nothing he did catch Lewis’ attention? Their gazes matched, Lewis maintained his calm composure, but he couldn't help but feel the trepidation. So he waited until Max decided he has had his fun, yet Max continued to stare at him.

“I've seen you've gotten close to Carlos,” stated Max. Lewis was perplexed. ‘why the hell does he care?’

“Yeah, he reached out after AD last year and we got close. He's a good guy,” he said casually, deciding he wanted to now leave this conversation as soon as he could. So he sidestepped around Max, but felt himself twisted back to face the young champion.

Confusion was now etched all over his face. ‘What the fuck?’ He tried to shake Max's hard grip off him. Max's gaze hardened, eyes narrowed yet now a new look had taken over. Was that longing he saw?

“Why him?” He finally asked, voice quiet yet pleading. His face looked heartbroken. But why did it matter who Lewis was friends with? He didn't understand. 

“Max,” let out Lewis breathlessly, heart racing at the absurdity of this situation. He yanked his hand out and looked resolvedly into Max's face. “I don't know what you want, but just mind your own business yeah?” With that he left, walking quickly, leaving a hunched figure behind, who could only stare at his disappearing figure.

Max growled, slamming the wall as Lewis turned the corner. Lewis just shoved him out the way, a look of pure annoyance that was thrown his way. “That fucking spaniard,” he roared under his breath, trudging back to the cool down room. 

-line break-

“Podium baby!” screamed Lewis into Carlos’ ear as they lounged in bed, wrapping his arms around his shoulders while snuggling deep into his neck, planting a soft kiss beneath his ear. 

Carlos could see the genuine jubilation in Lewis’ eyes and his heart sung at the knowledge that Lewis cared. He shifted them slightly, hooking his arm under Lewis’ leg to drape the other over him, letting Lewis’ head fall onto his chest. Just to have someone to hold at night was a privilege, but to have Lewis, it was the lottery. 

They let themselves indulge in this moment, letting their heartbeats match as they simply enjoyed each other's company. 

“Oh I have a surprise for you,” mentioned Lewis, letting himself be soothed by the rhythmic stroking of his hair. 

He gently extracts himself from Carlos’ hold, sauntering into the bathroom and sending a seductive wink his way before shutting the door. Carlos, amused by Lewis’ goofiness, propped himself up, eyes fixated on the doorway as he waited. 

He heard the sound of the door opening before his eyes could comprehend the sight in front of him. Lewis in red lingerie, a beautiful garter set that connected to a red thong that accentuated his buttocks that made Carlos’ mouth water. But the best part was the lacy bralette that was draped over his chest, giving him that beautiful silhouette. Lewis stayed in the doorway, waiting for the other's reaction. Carlos let out no words, face fixed in awe.  

‘Was this too much?’ Anxiety now taking over, as Carlos continued to stare. Before he could blink, Lewis found himself off his feet and in the arms of the hunk. 

He left out of a small whine as Carlos gently set him on the bed, capturing that dashing face in his hands and planting a soft kiss on his lips.

Carlos stared down at Lewis, racking in that view as if it was heaven on earth. He bracketed Lewis with his wide back, bending down to suck a hidden kiss just below Lewis’ collarbone. Then Carlos whispered huskily in the other's ear,  “You are the most beautiful being I've ever seen, and the fact you care so much, despite everything you yourself is going through. You have captured my entire being.”

Lewis felt tears form. No one had said words of that gravity to him before. “Well let me show you how much you mean to me then,” purred out Lewis, not sure how to accept those new emotions that overwhelmed his heart. 

Carlos smirked, sitting back on the headboard, spreading his legs. “So show me.” Lewis grinned as he climbed onto his lap, letting the private show begin.

-line break-

Monaco GP

Another chip against his impenetrable confidence, his seemingly bulletproof armour starting to crumble. 

He is meant to be the best qualifier, but he is letting a kid beat him and could only qualify after Fernando.. which cost him the whole race. He screamed out in frustration in his driver room. Where did his pace go? He stared at his mirror. Brown eyes lined with teardrops, a face unable to recognise his brilliance, now all he could see was the flaws. The wrinkles, the weakness in his smile, the frown lines. 

He was shaking, and he let himself sink down to his knees. Curling into a ball he shut out the world. 

A knock eventually brought him out of his reverie to see the soft smile of Seb.

“You were late to meet me, so thought I'd find you here,” Seb spoke softly, dropping down next to Lewis, pulling Lewis into his side.

“Seb,” began Lewis, but he lost energy and decided to just let himself lean onto his best friend. They stayed like that for a few minutes. These times reminded how grateful Lewis was to have Seb.

They had settled on his sofa back in his apartment, a couple of takeaway boxes and beers laid haphazardly on the coffee table.

Lewis had calmed down and they had settled into a comfortable silence

“So, what is going on between you and Carlos? I know you explained friend with benefits, but I never see you without him and you look at him like he hung the stars,” prompted Seb, curiousity seeping into him but also happiness that his friend had finally found someone. 

“I feel comfortable with him. He makes me smile, and I like what we have. No labels, we just can enjoy each other with no responsibilities,” replied Lewis simply. He avoided Seb's eyes, knowing the other could already sense his bluff.

“Lewis, look at me,” spoke Seb firmly. Lewis looked up tentatively, knowing he was about to get a lecture. 

“Why do you stop yourself from falling in love?” he asked, arms crossed as Seb gave a look that Lewis liked to call “his headmaster” stare. 

“I'm not afraid of love. That's just not what I have with Carlos,” he denied again, despite the now aching that appeared in his chest as he told the lie.

Seb sighed deeply again. “Lewis you are lying to yourself and more importantly to Carlos, a good guy who I can see with my own two eyes, has real feelings for you! Stop being a coward and when the time comes I hope you make the courageous one rather than hiding behind that stupid wall,” counselled Seb, letting the tension release from his shoulders as he noticed Lewis’ increasing withdrawal.

Lewis said nothing in reply. 

“Oh come here,” gave in Seb, letting Lewis slip into his hold. Lewis had a heart of gold for everyone but himself, and unfortunately it meant those closest always got a bit burnt. His inability to accept love meant the people who loved him learnt those flames didn't hurt anyone but him, and that once he let you in it was a never-ending warm hug, that touched them to their core.

But people left him, time and time again, so now to stop the fire spreading his ice wall remained high, until a certain spaniard came knocking all those months ago.

Seb looked at the now sleeping face of his best friend, ‘I pray Lew you make the brave choice for yourself. You deserve love too.’

-line break-

Carlos knew he would not see Lewis this weekend, as the other had plans to catch up with Seb, who in his words “threatened to kidnap him after ignoring him for the whole season” and “that he could wait one weekend to get laid.”

Seb and Lewis were an iconic duo in F1. Despite early rivalry, their relationship blossomed into the most wholesome old man friendship in the paddock, and he knew he was the only other person Lewis considered a close friend. 

So he sighed further into his drink, head slumping slightly at the overly ordinate bar where everyone was celebrating. An arm was thrown around his shoulders and he simply sighed further. “What do you want Charles?”

“Very snippy for someone who just got P2 at Monaco?” quipped Charles as he slid into the stool next to him.

Carlos didn't look at him, opting to sip more of the bourbon. 

“Is it the thing with Lewis?” prompted Charles, observing how Carlos suddenly winced at mention of his name.

Another sigh was slipped out. He lent back and took a look at his teammate. Charles genuinely looked concerned and he couldn't really discuss if with anyone else.

“I think I am in love with Lewis,” admitted Carlos. 

Charles hummed, pondering on how to react with that.

“Well, have you told him yet? From the looks of it, it seems you are already dating,” said Charles. Carlos looked up to the ceiling. ‘Is it that easy? To just admit your feelings?’ 

“But we agreed on no-strings attached. I love what we have right now, and if I admit my feelings what if it ruins it all?” 

“Then you know you can move on. In reality, if Lewis doesn't like you back, then this arrangement will never work. You want love Carlos, don't accept anything less,” reassured Charles, slotting out of the bar to let Carlos contemplate.

‘He's right. I do want love, I want more than this,’ he realised, but that did nothing to ease the turmoil in his heart.

-linebreak-

Baku 

The car was a nightmare, a hell sent to him to truly test his love for the sport. The bumping was already bad, but at Baku all Lewis could feel was pain. Lap after lap, sharp pain shot up his spine. He tried to hold back his tears, to keep his team together, but the pain was overwhelming. He couldn’t control his shaky voice on the radio, moral so low and only keen to exit the car.

The race finally ended as did his torture. He parked in parc fermé. The pain was fiery, encompassing his full back, hips and head as the race adrenaline wore off. He wanted to let out a whimper, to cry out in pain, to be pulled up by someone’s arms. But he couldn’t. That support wasn’t allowed. He had to get up by himself. 

So he tried. Then failed. He tried again, arms desperately catching around the halo as he hauled himself with a herculean effort. He rested, letting his form slump, trying to soothe the ache that was spreading fast. A 7 time world champion, defeated by his own car, barely holding it together. The world could see it, but no one could do anything. 

-line break-

Carlos winced. He watched with intent eyes as Lewis tried to get out of his car. He wanted desperately to go and soothe him. To kiss all his pain away. But the cameras are always watching. 

Anger and worry were strongly entwined as he clenched his fists. ‘what the hell have Mercedes done to his car that he was forced to be in so much pain?’ he seethed as he was forced to look at Lewis fully slumped over the car, unable to move. The helmet shielded his face, but everyone could tell how defeated the Champion was. 

‘Tonight. I will wait till tonight,’ forcing himself to turn away so he didn't feel his heart ache more. 

-line break-

Lewis barely held it together until Carlos came into sight. It was late, and all he wanted was to be held through the night. The only person that could do that was Carlos. The only one that seemed to quell the swirling self doubt that continued to knock his mind. He laid back tentatively, waiting for him.

Carlos rushed over. Today was enough to show him that he truly cared for Lewis. The pain made his heart ache in ways only his closest family evoked, and to just see him would calm his heart. He had gotten the key card earlier so let himself in. 

Lewis cut a pitiful figure, buried in the sheets, arm covering his eyes.

“Lew?” asked Carlos, “Should I come back?”

Lewis quickly leapt up, instantly regretting it as a shockwave of pain was sent down his back causing him to lose his balance. Carlos quickly rushed to the bed, capturing him before he landed in an awkward position. 

Carlos heard a small whimper as Lewis hid himself in his chest. Anger bubbled as he understood how much Mercedes were taking from the man he loved.

“Why are you letting them do this to you? Using you as the guinea pig, while the Little Prince goes scott free?” raged Carlos, unable to hold in his concern.

Lewis stayed silent, but Carlos could feel him trembling slightly. “Mi amor, please, is there nothing you can do? I hate seeing you in so much pain,” pleaded Carlos. He tipped Lewis’ face up, searching for something other than the hopelessness that was beginning to etch itself onto Lewis’ eyes.

Lewis just wanted cuddles. He didn't want to hear another person telling him he's doing it wrong again. So he broke away from the other, now agitated. 

“Do what? Tell the team that it hurts too much and I can't help with development. They need me! I'm the only one who can, I am the 7 time World Champion, the team leader,” yelled Lewis, finally voicing the expectations that kept him chained. ‘If I do that, it's admitting I'm weak. I can't be seen as weak.’ 

“Yes!” shouted Carlos, holding onto Lewis again, forcing the other to look at him. 

“Your health comes first, you could barely get out of the car. Imagine if you get a spine injury and can't race? The Team would drop you in an instant. You know this sport. You are only as useful as your health allows you to be,” shouted Carlos, not noticing how Lewis’ breath had become shallower.

Lewis’ demons began to roar. ‘He is right. You will soon no longer be useful to the team, and then you will be nobody. Nobody will want you,’ it cruelly echoed into the inner depths of his mind.

Lewis again broke away, running out of the other's orbit and to the other side of the room. His breath was turning into breathless pants, chest heaving. With eyes full of outrage, he looked at the shocked Carlos.

‘Why is he so angry? What have I done?’ He worried as he watched Lewis’ usually calm form, take an aggressive stance.

“Why do you care?” The words cut threw the air like a cold wind. Lewis spoke so unfeeling, as if they were two strangers again.

‘No I'm not letting him do this to me again!’ fumed Carlos, ‘I'm not letting him suddenly push me out as if we are nothing.’

Carlos moved quickly to face Lewis, both drivers now staring defiantly into each other's eyes. Anger yet concern laced Carlos’ eyes, whereas Lewis’ eyes were filled with contempt. 

“Why do I care?” ground out Carlos, “why do you think I care?”

Lewis scoffed, head turning away trying to subdue the need to suddenly embrace the other and to stop the fire that he knew was going to burn them both. But he couldn't. That fire was the only thing he could feel.

“Just because we sleep with each other, doesn't mean you have to care,” he tried to say, body twisting away to face the wall to try avoid seeing the pain he inevitably had just caused. But found himself twisted to face Carlos again, no pain in sight but more rage.

“Stop deflecting Lewis! You know we are more than that, so why do you keep trying to diminish what we have?” argued Carlos, grip tightening as his jaw locked. Emotions were rising, bubbling closer to the surface. 

“You want to know why I care? BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU. I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!” screamed out Carlos, grip now faltering as finally he let himself get engulfed by his heart's power.

Lewis stood stunned, eyes wide with shock while his mouth parted slightly trying to let out words but nothing could come out.

‘But why would he love you? A failing driver who is ten years his senior. Surely you don't want to drag him down with you?’ That nasty voice spoke again. And so Lewis knew what he had to do.

“You love me?” Lewis laughed. Now it was Carlos’ turn to be stunned. ‘Laughing? Is he serious?’ thought Carlos in disbelief. 

“Don’t kid yourself. We are nothing like that. I don't love you, why would you think that?” he pushed further, making the killing blow. As those horrible words slipped past his lips, he saw how Carlos' face broke, hurt and pain flashing across his features before a wall reemerged. Now all he could see in Carlos’ eyes was disgust and hatred. Lewis’ heart broke as he lost the one person that had built him together again, and he knew that he will unravel, alone this time. ‘But this is how I protect him. He deserves someone much better than me. Doesn’t need someone who is always on the edge of breaking down,’ affirmed Lewis, trying to let the lies turn to truth.

He took a step back, unable to comprehend the cruelness in Lewis’ response. Everything hurt. His heart throbbed as if it had been stabbed by a diamond blade. 

“So this is the real you then?” said Carlos, disappointment and distain tainting his voice, “Guess I should have known you were a real asshole from the beginning. Don't contact me again.” Carlos knew the tears would come in a matter of minutes, but he wouldn't let this bastard have the satisfaction of seeing them. He rushed out, letting the door slam with a force that caused vibrations across the room. 

With that Lewis was left alone. His knees buckled as he let the pain encompass him. ‘This is what you deserve. Love only distracts you, it is better this way.’ So he sat, staring blankly at the wall as he accepted that he had just ruined the best thing in his life, and there was no way he could get it back. 

Carlos let the tears slide, sobs choking out as he collapsed in the shower. He knew heartbreak hurt, but why did it feel like his heart had been torn out? 

‘I miss him’ was their last thought as the broken lovers now faced the world again alone. 

Chapter Text

Everything ached. Not like the temporary ache one would get from the gym or a long race, but a bone-deep nagging pain that permeated his bones and mind. He couldn’t remember when he last got up. Flashes of Carlos’ heartbroken face haunted him, sending shakes throughout his body. Lewis’ focus was so impaired he hadn’t realised the sudden figure that entered his living room.

Seb sighed deeply as he looked at the pristine surfaces of Lewis’ kitchen. ‘This means he hasn’t been eating the last couple of days,’ he noted. After making them both a warm cup of tea he walked to the living room to see his friend stuck in a zombie-like state, lying helplessly on the sofa, eyes so far adrift that he looked unseeing. 

“Lewis? Lewis?” gently called out Seb, watching as Lewis drew back in and looked around. ‘So he is at least responding,’ he thought as he sat beside him, gently bringing him up to a seat. 

Lewis finally seemed aware of what was happening. Seb was here, calling his name. 

“Seb, why are you here?” queried Lewis, voice scratchy from days of no use.

“Well you wouldn’t answer my phone, and knowing you are chronically online, I sensed something might be wrong,” he said matter-of-fact, gently running a hand through his friend’s hair, letting comfort seep through and felt his heart warm as he watched some tension release from Lewis’ face.

He waited. Letting Lewis have the space to voice his concerns or simply just give them the option to enjoy each other’s company in silence. He was not going to push him. 

Without looking up, staring at the hot cup of tea, getting mesmerised by brown magical liquid, he divulged “I told Carlos I didn’t love him after he confessed to me in Baku.” 

Seb’s head snapped up, gaze looking at Lewis incredulously. ‘He broke things off with Carlos? Even after everything he told me? Oh Lewis, why did you let your fear stop something so good?’ He held those thoughts, knowing that would not be the most useful thing to say right now. What he needed to focus on was, did Lewis actually love Carlos back? 

“And this is what caused you to shut yourself like a hermit? You’ve rejected plenty of people, so I’m curious why this is different?” calmly responded Seb, hoping his obvious deflection of the seriousness of this would force Lewis to come to the defensive. 

Lewis turned to look at his friend. Oh how he hated when Seb did this! He knew exactly what Lewis was feeling but was not going to spell it out, nor let himself lament in his self-pity. Knowing Seb just knew him too well, he let out a large huff, knocking his shoulder into Seb’s in camaraderie. 

“You know it Seb. I realise now what I felt for Carlos was deeper. I feel my insides churn when I remember his face when I rejected him. But rejecting him was the right thing to do. We both agreed no feelings and I couldn’t let it get any further,” weakly argued Lewis, voice losing authority as he murmured out the last part of his reasoning. 

Seb sighed again. “You and your high barriers. How do you ever expect to find someone when you won’t let anyone in? Carlos has been the only guy in years that you have had a rapport with, that you actually liked. You can tell yourself it was the right thing, but don’t come crying to me when you realise you regret it, especially since you clearly have hurt Carlos,” stated Seb, not willing to give into his friend’s delusion. ‘Tough love is what you need, Lewis. You have to understand that hurting Carlos in this way was exactly what you were scared of!’ 

Lewis didn’t reply, taking a small sip of his tea. ‘It is the right thing. Carlos will see that by not being with me, how much I tied him down.’ 

“Lewis?” asked Seb again. Lewis’ eyes remained fixated on the swirling tan colour of his tea. ‘I've done the right thing,’ he thought one more time, before letting the conversation drift off. 

-line break- 

Carlos took a deep breath before entering the paddock for the Canadian GP. It had been less than a week since he had seen Lewis, a status quo of radio silence now established between them. Anger filled him. Lewis had used him, and treated his feelings with such coldness he was almost as angry at himself for believing that Lewis was a good person. 

‘I will not go near him. He deserves neither my attention nor thoughts,’ he confirmed to himself, waiting for the next meeting with Ferrari. Charles could see the simmering anger in his teammate, so couldn’t help but enquire, “Something wrong in paradise mate? You seem like you are about to blow?” 

Carlos quickly reigned in his anger, taking another deep breath to dispel the pain that had wrapped itself around his heart. 

“There is no paradise. Lewis and I are not fooling around anymore, and I don’t want any more questions about that bastard, okay?” He angrily refuted, quickly stormed into the garage leaving a confused and worried Charles in his wake. 

‘He told me he planned to confess. The only reason he would be this hurt is if Lewis rejected him? But even then he looks so angry so what the fuck did Lewis do? Also Lewis rejecting him makes no sense. We saw them for that whole week just a month ago, they were so in love. Something is not adding up,,’ rationalised Charles, Trying to understand how everything has become a mess between the pair.

With a shake of his head, he followed his friend inside. 

-line break-

Lewis thought he could cope with the imposed distance between Carlos and himself. But his heart would feel like crying everytime he saw his smile turn into a blank slate when they caught eyes. Nor was he prepared for the angst of missing his body next to his. The sauna-like cuddles that heated up every cell in his body while erasing his pain. Night felt cold, sleeping on a bed of nails despite affording the best mattresses in the market. ‘I made my bed, and need to lay in it. Seb is right, I can't go crying about my decision now,’ he told himself with fake gusto, instantly grimacing at the sharp pang that was sent through his spine.

With that he got into his car for the formation laps, shaking his head to get back into the game.

-line break-

Carlos hated this weekend. He was on the podium yet, all he could feel was that man’s presence. Max’s presence was intolerable enough, but he didn’t have enough energy to fake smiles for Lewis. What is scoring a podium when you have a broken heart? Worst still he could see the small looks Lewis would send him, which still sent his heart racing. Without looking back he grabbed his trophy, not sparing a single glance to the other driver. 

Max looked curiously, seeing the pain that encapsulated Lewis’ expression momentarily, watching the anger roll off Carlos. ‘Something has happened between these two. Interesting,’ he smirked. 

He caught up with Carlos, commenting loudly, “I see you finally realised Lewis is not worth your time. He's washed, he'll only bring you down.” 

In a flash, Max found himself pressed hard against the wall. They were hidden in a quiet hallway behind the stage, so Carlos took his turn, still pressing hard into Max’s torso so the other couldn't squirm away.

“You bloody prick. I don't fucking care what you think but don't forget you only won because the FIA rigged it. You didn't deserve it. Lewis is more than a man and driver than you will ever be, so fuck off!” he hissed out, letting his fury finally leave him. He roughly let go of the other, turning to see Lewis staring at him with those beautiful doe eyes. 

‘Of course he had to hear me say this,’ Carlos sighed, embarrassment taking over as he locked into a fevered gaze with the man who broke his heart.

Max watched the intense look that was shared between them, rampant jealousy bubbling in him. ‘Again that Carlos was the apple of Lewis’ affections’. He purposefully exited, slamming into Lewis who tumbled but not before Carlos catching him before he barrelled head first into the wall. 

Lewis almost melted at the return of the touch from Carlos, those small sparks reigniting on every nerve that Carlos touched.

But as soon as it came, it left with Carlos leaving him standing alone. No words exchanged, just that unbearable silence. 

-line break-

The one hold was enough to set Lewis spiralling. He had been home alone as they prepared for the next race which was more than a week away in his home country. He could go stay with his family, yet he felt he couldn’t take their inquisitive care.

Regret had been his constant companion ever since those words left his mouth, yet the small voice had always been his secret strength, letting its enticing persuasion drown out those irrelevant tugs in his navel. Yet now, all he could feel was those suppressed emotions pouring out from one touch of Carlos, as if Carlos had set those buried parts of him free.

‘He did. Didn’t you feel free, loved, listened to when you were with him?’ Lewis jolted upright as a new bright yet soothing thought popped in. ‘You feel it. These feelings of fear, regret, pain that wrap up tightly your joy, hope and most importantly love. Let yourself feel again Lewis, why do the rational thing when the rational thing has made your worst nightmare come true.’

A lone tear finally dropped from the corner of his right eye, then another, followed by a cascading avalanche of despair and tears as he finally let himself cry for his love. His worst nightmare had come true. He had hurt the one he loved. As the river flowed from within, Lewis found a new glimpse of clarity. ‘I will tell him the truth. He deserves it, and its the only way to now fight for one more chance with him.’ 

-line break- 

Lewis had run over the plan several times with Seb as they got closer to the British GP. His best friend was absolutely delighted that he finally got his head out of his arse. First, try to get Carlos alone. Two, hope he stays long enough to hear him out. Three, confess and tell him the truth. Simple enough right? 

“This is going to be harder than it looks,” murmured a mellow yet still determined Lewis Hamilton as he realised Charles was now also protecting Carlos from him. He had tried all weekend, yet the Spaniard was never alone and Charles was sending him warning stares anytime he so much looked in that direction. “I will keep trying, until he tells me to stop.” 

He knew that he had hurt Carlos, he could see it in his demeanour, the sluggish, flat look that had overtaken the brightness of him. ‘A brightness I stole,’ he thought guiltily. ‘But I will give it back to him. I will tell him the truth and show him, he is perfect.’ Perhaps it was naivety shrouded in optimism, but he had to try.  

-line break-

Carlos felt dull. In the last two weeks his anger had dissipated leaving annoying pangs of longing alongside an emptiness that was growing bigger and bigger by day. ‘I never felt so… down before,’ he half-lamented, half-frustratedly thought. His fury had left him feeling so vulnerable and fragile and he hated that Hamilton was the cause of it. His heart ached every day to have the other man next to him, while his cruel brain would send those harsh words and that loud, obnoxious laugh stinging into memory, akin to an electric shock, reminding him. 

He was lonely. He wanted to forget. Yet, he still found himself looking for the other man standing in the corner of the paddock “Carlos are you okay?” asked a concerned Charles Leclerc. He noticed how Carlos had withdrawn from everyone this weekend, realising that the heartache was likely settling in. Charles could see Lewis had been trying to catch Carlos’ attention, but luckily given Carlos’ lack of focus and his hyper attention on preventing Lewis near Carlos, he had stopped Lewis from entering Carlos’ sphere. 

“Fine,” came the short reply. Charles left it at that. On the other side, Lewis just sent a prayer, asking for one chance. ‘Please, just let me rectify this. I just want him to not feel so hurt.’

-line break- 

As Carlos turned the corner, he ran head on into the figure he wanted to avoid the most. Lewis fell back a couple of steps, surprised at the encounter but quickly gathered his wits to try to say something. As they made eye contact, all the rehearsed words left Lewis’ mouth. It was pure hatred, burning with fury. He quickly diverted his eyes, and moved to the side as he let the Spaniard storm past.

Carlos cursed his luck. To bump into Lewis so early in the weekend was only going to be bad luck for him. So he mustered the worst look his could, gathering together all his pain and anger into a single look. Yet, that satisfaction he thought he would feel as seeing Lewis’ sadness never came. Instead he was left with that same gnawing emptiness. So he left. 

Lewis let himself collapse against the wall, unable to take the pure fury directed at him. As he let his head hang low, a curious Verstappen had also turned the corner. Max seeing him alone, knew it was a good chance to get Lewis’ attention again. 

"Tired of not winning?” taunted the jubilant Dutchman, taking in the slumped figure against the wall. As those words left his mouth, a twinge of guilt hurtled straight into him, followed immediately by resentment for his longing for the other. 

His head was swimming, too many thoughts battering into him with new spears of overwhelm crashing into his foundations. The image Of Carlos’ blank yet hate filled eyes was like a twister In his mind, breaking his resolve and leaving remnants of self hate and regret in its wake. But then he heard that joyful Spanish voice, The one he would wake up to and he reacted automatically by saying, “Carlos?” Tentatively leave his lips.

The illusion was broken. Carlos hated him. He wouldn't hear that voice ever directed at him again. And there he saw an awkward Max standing in front of him. 

“Max?” He asked, voice so faint as if all energy had been drained from him. 

Max stood there stunned. Lewis hadn't even noticed him. He couldn't help but feel that rising fury. ‘The only time he looked alert was when Carlos’ voice came in, yet I stood here like an idiot hoping I would get his attention.’ He wanted to scream ‘why don't you ever notice me?’ At him but instead he let his facade rise back up.

“Idiot,” he muttered as he ran out the room. Lewis remained still, mind still in a daze of regret.

-line break-

Lewis sat late on a Friday, not at his desk, but now nursing a late night vodka. Seb sat by him. 

“He hates me Seb, I saw it today,” said Lewis, body hunching over the bar. He was ready to let himself be swallowed into a pit of self pity, but then Seb asked him one important question.

“You do know you deserve love too right?” Lewis was struck. Did he? He looked up at his best friend, feeling the gentleness seep from him. 

“You do know you deserve love too?” asked Seb again. Lewis nodded, the first time his heart took action before his mind. 

“So fight for it,” said the other simply, finishing his drink and with a pat on the back left Lewis to embrace new found strength. 

“I bloody well will fight for it. I’m not a champion for nothing.” Downing his drink he left to prepare for another day. 

-line break-

Fate was on Lewis’ side. He was on the podium as Carlos finally took his first win. That sunshine-like glow covered Carlos like a halo as he took his maiden win in his F1 career, and Lewis let himself feel that familiar yet now distant warmth. 

Carlos was on a high. He finally had a win. A culmination of his years of hard work and constant striving. Now he is officially a Grand Prix winner. It was made sweeter that it was at Silverstone, a classic racing track where the creme de la creme rose to the top. Now he was one of them. 

He looked down to see Lewis below him. That irrational joy emerged, as he secretly had wished to celebrate this with Lewis all those weeks ago. His body was not too quick to forget those joyous dreams, despite reality. But he let himself forget just for now. Let himself feel all happiness, even if it still came from a man that broke his heart. 

As they got closer on the podium picture, Lewis took his chance to whisper-shout into Carlos’ ear, “Please give me 5 minutes, please. I promise if you want to hear nothing after I will not come near your nor contact you again.”

Carlos froze momentarily. He could just ignore him. But his gut was screaming at him to listen. He closed his eyes and let the shouts, footsteps wash out. ‘Hear him out,’ so without thinking too much he nodded and replied, “10pm at my hotel room 505.”

With that the podium cleared, but Lewis lingered behind, sending a quick look to the sky above in thanks for this lone opportunity. 

-line break-

Carlos paced up and down as he bemoaned his decision. All he could feel was a twisted gut in anxiety. Lewis wanted to speak to him. Why? He had said enough. Yet when he looked into Lewis’ eyes, he only saw a gentle kindness, eyes transparent with his feelings of regret and hope. And he said yes without thinking.

‘You idiot!’ he thought. 

And at exactly 10 pm there was a knock at the door. 

Lewis stood there, all nerve tendrils alight as the adrenaline fuelled by nervousness took over. ‘You have one chance Hamilton.’ Then he knocked.

As Carlos opened the door, a simultaneous intake of breath was heard. Both men despite efforts to deny it, could only feel that physical magnetic pull. So Lewis entered slowly, each step hesitant as he finally returned to their orbit. Carlos moved back to keep a distance, not willing to be pulled back by the gravitational forces that reinforced his longing. 

A quietness fell over the room, as the once lovers took their time to reacquaint themselves with the situation. Lewis took a deep breath, letting himself gather his strength, eventually looking at Carlos. Carlos nearly flinched as those orbs looked at him with so much love when the last time they were like this, he only saw the mockery. 

“I love you,” announced Lewis. His voice was unwavering and eyes alike a mirror as he tried his best to convey his truth.

“I love you, and it's been a huge mistake to even deny it. I -”

“Stop lying,” sharply interrupted Carlos, shaking his head as if in agony, eyes screwed shut but hands fisted by his side. 

“I'm not. I -” Lewis was trembling, his voice much weaker as he looked at the unfurling anger covering the room.

Carlos threw his head back in a mirthless laugh, an almost cruel smile painted on his face. Then he looked at Lewis with piercing eyes, that it felt as if he was being shot. 

“You're not? Then why oh mighty champion did you lie in the first place? Too afraid of commitment?” Drawled out a mocking Carlos, unable to accept the sudden 180° in the situation. 

Lewis let himself breath, trying to qualm the rising anxiety and bile as he forced himself to climb back out of this hole. He let a silence form as he felt those heated eyes stare at him.

Unable to meet other's gaze, he opened his heart and let his voice out.

“I love your raspy morning voice as you wake up. I love your little head nod you do as you listen to your favourite song. I love your silly puns that you will repeat over and over just to make yourself laugh,” Lewis’ voice remained steady but quiet, calming the room. 

“I love your fierceness when you protect someone you love. I love your weird eating habits. I love that when you held me it felt like a comfort blanket. I loved that your presence would make my whole being sing, just because you were there. I love you, everything about you,” as he finished his monologue, he found stray tears falling, his throat clogging up at the realisation of his fuck up. He messily wiped them away, eyes still facing down as he knew if he caught a glimpse of rejection in those eyes, he would break down there and then. 

Carlos had stilled. The whirling hurricane of anger and despair had washed out as his heart began to comprehend the depth of Lewis’ words. ‘He is telling the truth,’ spoke out Carlos’ heart. 

‘But it's not enough. If he truly loved me, he would've put my feelings first,’ rationalised Carlos, tittering on the edge of acceptance vs rejection. He had to know why Lewis rejected him. 

“Why did you reject me?” finally asked Carlos, voice neutral unwilling to give anything away.

“I was a coward who was terrified of hurting you and considered myself not worth. But that is only a half truth,” spoke Lewis in a somber voice before continuing, “ I was too scared that giving myself to you would mean I would get hurt. I'm sorry I didn't trust you with my feelings.” 

That was what Carlos dreaded to hear. ‘He put himself first and hurt me to protect him.’ A further sinking feeling burrowed itself in his stomach. ‘He hurt me because he was scared. Now what would he do in a relationship?’

Lewis suppressed a foreboding shiver as he felt the room get colder and colder with anticipation and nervousness. He looked up to see Carlos thinking deeply, eyebrows furrowed as he looked up to the ceiling. 

Carlos waited and waited. Letting his gut, heart and mind focus on the emotions and information that has been hurled at him. And there he felt it. His own fear and anxiety. He let out a small sigh, as he came to his decision. ‘I can’t trust him, not yet. I… believe that he loves me, but I don't believe he can love me the way I deserve.’ So he steeled himself to make the right decision for himself.

“I have heard you out. I want you to leave now,” stated Carlos. His voice remained cold, body closed off as his eyes looked at Lewis as if he was seeing through him. Lewis’ heart sank, throat closed up as his eyes stung in pre-warning to the immense pain to come. 

As everything began to overwhelm him, he took the chance to look at Carlos one more time. As their eyes met, he saw that small flicker of warmth come back. ‘Maybe, there will be room to forgive me one day,’ reflected Lewis, ' But now is not the time.’

So he found himself moving, not looking back to avoid falling back and running to his arms. Before he left, a final apology tumbled out of his now quivering lips, “I'm sorry for everything.” He shut the door and ran, the only thing he wanted was his own bed to bury his misery. Now he had questions that he had never wanted to consider. 'Does this mean I should give upon him? Is this the end of it?’

Carlos watched Lewis’ solemn figure leave. As he saw him get closer to the door the urge to run and pull him back became almost irresistible. Then he heard Lewis utter so softly "I'm sorry for everything.” The melancholy cadence sent pangs to his heart, but he kept his resolve, whole body tensed as he willed himself to stay still. Then the door shut and Carlos let himself fall to the ground and weep. 'How could hearing I love you be so painful? How do I even move forward from here?’ Plagued by uncertainty, both lovers still found themselves escaping into their bright memory of that night in the woods, where their love was simple and real.

Chapter Text

Carlos roared out in frustration, slamming a pillow against the wall. His heart and mind were constantly conflicting, driving him crazy. Even just a photo would turn up his yearning heart, and soon he’d find himself almost out the door to run back to him. But he could not do that. He could not betray himself.

It had been a week since Lewis confessed. He hadn’t reached out, his mind decided. Yet he hadn’t managed more than 3 to 4 hours of sleep on any given night. His chest caving in anytime he settled, a suffocation he had felt many times before. A suffocation that would always go when Lewis was in my arms, he tiredly accepted as he sat up against the creaking wooden board. All Carlos wanted was peace, and here he was protecting himself from inevitable pain, yet every time pinpricks of agony imposed themselves on him, making each day more unbearable.

He wished he had never let Lewis in, the man who had now stolen his peace.

-line break-

Lewis stared blurrily outside, lights and shapes blending into phantoms while his mind refused to focus. He leaned heavily against the balcony, swaying with the howling wind. He wondered if the wind could carry him away, take him far from real life just for a bit. Always trying to run away, you coward, the voice jeered. Lewis jolted, an immediate physical reaction with the nausea rising again.

He had barely kept food down this week. Each spoonful tasted like ash. That’s probably why I feel so weak right now, he reasoned as he tried to take a bite of a barely touched quinoa salad. But you are a weak person, Lewis. You ran away from Carlos and hurt him to protect yourself. Using others to protect yourself is weak. Lewis put down the spoon again, letting it rest on the bed of soft quinoa. Instead, he crouched on the floor and wept for yet another lonely night, letting the cold wind caress him, imagining it was another person instead.

-line break-

If his anger was at its peak, his foul mood worsened as a podium was snatched from his grasp with an engine failure, and to make things worse, giving Lewis P3. This weekend needed to end; he couldn’t be near that man or his name any longer. The longer Lewis was there, the larger the black hole within him, eating up all his energy and heart with resentment.

He paced his driver’s room, eagerly awaiting the time to escape the garage, internally cursing that they had to do a debrief about his engine. Maybe he could convince Ricky to just let him go; they didn’t need him? Acting quickly, he gathered his things and told Ricky he needed rest. With a nod from his engineer, he raced out of the Ferrari vicinity. Bag heavy on his shoulder, head tucked down, he walked quickly to his car at the exit. The world tuned out, his mind now solely focused on getting out of this paddock as soon as possible. But then a pleasing sound broke through his tunnel, a glittering laugh that made his heart lurch. Instinctively he raised his head, eyes searching and landing on the source. Lewis was standing with George, eyes crinkled adorably as he continued to laugh at something in their conversation. Carlos let his eyes rest there just for a moment, finally feeling the oppressive weight on his heart lift.

After a small moment of respite, he physically shook himself and walked onwards without looking back. As he sped down the road, he glowered. Lewis, you have turned me into a madman in love, and I hate you for it, vowed Carlos, eyes tinged with red as tears welled from the immense longing he still felt for the other man.

-line break- 

Lewis collapsed against the toilet floor, heaving after yet another bout of nausea forced him to dry heave into the toilet bowl. It’s getting worse. I almost passed out in the car today from the lack of energy, he thought, unable to pull himself up with almost no strength left. He knew he had lost some weight before the race, but now he felt completely boneless, body too heavy to move. So he curled up on the floor, waiting for the nausea and the accompanying ringing in his ears to pass.

His mind drifted, thoughts floating in and out. One specific memory decided to stick with him:

A hand gently brushed his hair as he lounged on his Colorado porch. He felt the phantom weight of an arm wrapped around his waist. There was a quietness exuding from the woods, with distant tweets from the birds. He relaxed further into the warmth of the other body next to him. Then, a soft humming of a song floated in, one he couldn’t recognize. But the voice was so beautiful, a huskiness to it yet so warm. He felt so encompassed in love in this embrace. Light suddenly shone into his eyes. He blinked and recognized the figure who looked down at him. He stared fixated on the bright smile Carlos gave him as he continued to hum that song again. He remembered now. This was them this summer.

“Let me just stay in this memory a bit longer,” he muttered feverishly, his body temperature rising as exhaustion began to take over. But it didn’t matter. Here he was with Carlos, and it was safe. I miss him too much, he thought as consciousness began to slip until heavy raps on his door took him out of his lull. As his awareness returned, the weight of the arm slipped away, his view of the trees blurring, and that beautiful face fled from his sight. Lewis moaned in pain, his head now pounding with severity. “No, don't go!” he screamed suddenly, trying to get up but collapsing with a resounding thump onto the floor, arms reaching out for a ghost of his memory that was not returning.

The door flung open, but Lewis was too tired to look. It won’t be Carlos, so why would it matter, he languished.

“Lewis!” exclaimed a distressed George, leaning against the door, unsure whether he should go in or not. “Lewis, are you okay?” His teammate was unmoving on the floor in a collapsed heap.

"Lewis?" he asked again, his words hanging in the silence that followed. Lewis remained still. George crouched down, his concern rising at his teammate’s unresponsiveness. He placed a careful hand on Lewis’ forehead, quickly retracting his hand at the heat. He needed to get him to the medical centre now.

“Lewis, I’m going to lift you now, okay? We need to get you to the medical centre; you are running a very high fever,” calmly stated George, despite his racing heartbeat, as he lifted Lewis' bridal style in his arms and placed him in the awaiting stretcher in the garage. Lewis shuddered violently, his mind slipping away as the fever took hold. As he battled the incoming darkness, he called out weakly to the figure he missed, “Carlos, please come back.” George froze as he heard Lewis’ confession. “Oh, Lewis, I’m sorry,” he whispered sympathetically, watching his teammate being driven away.

-line break- 

Carlos cooled down in his room. A chilled beer and a good bath allowed him to finally relax; the rage from the race now settled. He flicked through his phone, welcoming the distraction of various reels on his home page. He continued to scroll until a video with the caption “Lewis Hamilton sent to hospital after collapsing following the Austria GP!” popped up. The phone dropped out of his hand. He had seen Lewis laughing. How could he just collapse? Worry coursed through him like rapids, forcing him to get up and ready to leave the room. He paused.

No, I’m sure he’s fine. He’s got his team, they can take care of him, I have no obligation to see him.

He began to pace by the door, unsure of what to do. If he went to Lewis, he’d be giving in and allowing the man to win. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep yet another night, stir-crazy with concern for him. “Agh!” he screamed, clutching his head as he fought yet another mental battle.

Enough. I’ll just go and check in on him and leave. I don’t have to stay, he assented, gathering his coat. As he swung open the door, he found a shocked George and Charles, seemingly about to knock. They guiltily looked down.

“I know this is between you and Lewis, but he’s got a really high fever and they are struggling to bring it down. And he keeps saying your name over and over,” rushed out a flushed George, face pinched with concern. Carlos could see the beads of sweat crowning the other's forehead. He must have run here, he noted.

“I know this is asking a lot, but would you be able to come to the hospital? Just to see if your presence there will help break this fever. Please?” pleaded George. Carlos didn’t know what to think. His heart was thumping like crazy at the knowledge that Lewis was so sick, yet he was scared. He nodded and followed the pair. But one thought kept circling his head: If I do this, will this be letting him back in? he wondered.

They drove in relative silence, except for the quiet whisper from his teammate confirming he was okay with this. Carlos always hated hospitals. The sterile white walls, accompanied by the bombardment of information that hits you as you enter. An atmosphere drenched in a toxic cocktail of worry and death.

George quickly guided them to the right corridor. There a frantic Sebastian was already speaking with the nurse.

“Sir, we are trying our best, but it's not breaking. We need to wait and see when the meds will take effect,” explained an increasingly irate nurse, arms crossed with a deepening frown.

Seb huffed and muttered sarcastically, “Yes, and because you’ve repeated the same thing for the last 3 hours means it'll magically come true!” Shaking his head, hand ruffling his hair angrily, he looked to the side to see a waiting Carlos.

Immediately Carlos could see the relief flood into his eyes. He approached the other man.

“Oh Carlos. Thank you. Thank you so much!” thanked Seb as he grabbed Carlos’ hand, squeezing them tightly as if to assure him. I don't need assurance, I’m fine, Carlos scoffed. But as he looked down, he could see his hands—they were shaking.

He nodded in reply. As he took steps toward the door, he ordered, “I want to be alone with him. Can you do this for me?” Everyone let out various choruses of acknowledgment. With a deep breath, Carlos slid open the door and went inside.

Carlos recoiled sharply as he took in the sight of a very pale and shaking Lewis Hamilton. His heart cried out at the state his amor was in. He placed himself next to the bed, automatically laying a comforting hand on the other's head, combing through slowly.

Then the muttering started, “Carlos. Carlos, please don’t go. Don't leave.”

You haven't taken this easy either, have you? Why do we both have to hurt so much? ached Carlos as he settled himself. His distress over Lewis’ condition pushed away his anger and he began to sing a Spanish lullaby that his madre always sang for him. A song that always brought comfort to him and the person hearing it. As he sang, he carded through Lewis’ hair in a soft, patting motion. As if it was a magic spell, Lewis’ body began to relax, shivering slowly as his face finally began to lose its pinched, pained look. Carlos continued, his heart warming at the fact Lewis was finally calming down. In the background, the monitor beeps began to slow as well, signifying Lewis’ heart rate was finally normalizing to resting level.

Seems like the fever is finally breaking, he realized, but it was as if he was bound. Lewis’ serene face was the exact face he loved waking up to every morning. “Ouch,” Carlos suddenly let out, as a sharp pang went straight through his heart as he remembered that. He laughed mirthlessly. “Of course, just seeing the face I love hurts me,” he grumbled as he moved to leave, a moment now broken by reality. As he lifted his hand away, he was tugged back, half collapsing on the side of the bed in shock. He rapidly turned his face to Lewis, whose doe eyes had a glazed look as he stared right at Carlos.

“Oh, I must still be dreaming,” a barely lucid Lewis stumbled out, voice gravelly as he finally regained consciousness. His grip loosened and Carlos slipped out of the hold, immediately putting distance between them as he fled away from the bed, but not leaving yet, heart still curious about what Lewis would say next.

Lewis continued to stare at Carlos’ figure. He then turned his head away as if no longer acknowledging Carlos’ presence. Staring wistfully out the window, he solemnly confessed, “I wish my dreams didn’t keep ending with Carlos leaving. I miss him so much! If I could just say it a million times to you, I’m sorry, I love you. I WAS DUMB TO HURT YOU!” His voice raised as he curled up his body into a fetal position, unable to face the world for now.

Carlos remained motionless, too many thoughts flying through his mind. I can’t, this is too much. I need to go, as the chaos hurricane began tearing through his mind’s defenses, it took all his discipline to not go comfort him. As he began to slide open the door, he saw Lewis’ body sliding down the bed again, a soft yet aching whisper coming through, “Carlos, I miss you.”

Small tears slipped out of Carlos’ eyes, and he roughly wiped them away. “That damned voice,” he growled in frustration at his weakness to Lewis’ state. Unable to stand this anymore, he stormed out, Charles hot on his heels. Meanwhile, Seb and George could only stare forlornly at the two lovers who had created a chasm between what they wanted most—each other.

-line break- 

Radio silence was what Carlos needed. He was fortunate to spend time at home in Spain, away from F1 and the bustle of life, away from—him.

He felt like he was floating with no steady ground, and homecoming finally grounded him. Yet his mind continued to be a battleground over what he should do about the situation. It was clear he still loved and cared for him deeply, but now he was scared that Lewis would hurt him again.

So he sat against the dark cover of a mild night, his mind drifting. Every moment of spare energy he had, Lewis floated in. He wondered how he was, if he was eating. Was Lewis thinking of him too? I think you already know the answer to that one, his mind helpfully supplied.

“Mi hijo. You’ve been out here for quite a while,” spoke his mother, jolting him out of his pensiveness. Her shoes shuffled against the grass as she moved to sit next to him. Instantly, he leaned into her solid presence, letting the pent-up emotions of the last few weeks flow out in tears.

“Oh my hijo, you’ve been really hurting, no? Just breathe with me. 1…2…3,” soothed his mother, as he finally let out the pain that had trapped itself within his mind and soul.

“I love him so much, Ma, but I’m so scared he’ll hurt me again,” he whimpered.

His sobs subsided and he felt the mist of anger finally lift.

“Why are you hurting yourself so much?” asked his ma, finally sensing he was ready to talk.

“I am angry at myself for letting my boundaries get crossed with him, and angry at him for hurting me and then telling me he loved me,” he let out, his body sagging as he released his truths.

“And now your anger is finally subsiding, what do you feel when you think about Lewis?” she prompted, her hand now cradling her son’s as she maintained eye contact.

Carlos continued to look into his mother’s eyes—seeing her non-judgemental curiosity and also concern. He sighed, looking down as if embarrassed.

“No, mi hijo, look at me. What do you feel?” she needled again, not letting her son shove his feelings back inside.

Carlos huffed in annoyance but knew his ma wouldn’t let it go. You love him still. Is that a sin? Is he an embarrassment to you? his inner critic nudged. No, Lewis was never an embarrassment to him. Lewis was—no, is—his love.

“I love him. I love him so much that my mind is filled with him. I can’t stop my heart from yearning for him every bloody day. I’m so tired of hating him, of being angry at him. I thought if I did that, my love would fade too. Yet the distance has only made me miss him more, and I can’t do this anymore!” As he spoke, his voice rose steadily in volume until he screeched out the last part. His ma held him firmly in her arms.

“Then I think you know what you want to do. Do you think he will treat you better this time? Can you trust him again?” she asked.

Carlos lifted his eyes that were fixated on the ground, to the now-lit-up moonlight sky, twinkling. As he continued to stare, he finally felt peace as he accepted what he wanted.

“Yes. I see his pain, his yearning for me. I see his remorse. Most of all, I see his love. I will give him another chance,” he spoke, telling his truth into the night. You stars are all witnessing my declaration. Don’t let me chicken out of this! he thought determinedly.

“Then you know what to do now,” his ma said while smiling wistfully. “Some things are worth fighting for, even if the beginning is jagged and cuts you badly the first time.”

Carlos nodded but found himself feeling heavier and heavier. It was as if accepting his heart’s desire finally brought that longed-for peace and rest to his entire body. And imagine how I will feel when Lewis is finally in my arms again, he envisioned as he walked back to the house. Time to go get him!