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Chapter Text

Jiang Cheng jolts awake at the first ring of his cell phone, heart in his throat the second he reads the caller ID, resemblant of some nights ago when his sister went into early labor. He answers quickly, already tossing the blanket aside and standing up as at least seven different nightmare scenarios run through his head.

“Are they ok?” he asks as soon as the phone is near his ear.

“Yes, both A-Li and A-Ling are ok. She is sleeping.” Jiang Cheng lets out a sigh, relieved, but the uneasiness lingers.

‘So was I,’ he thinks. “It 's two a.m., Zixuan,” he says instead.

“I know, I know. It’s not that kind of emergency, but it’s…” he hears a muffled, tired sigh. “I need you to do me a favor.”

It takes everything he has not to groan out loud, and a lot of reminding himself this is his sister’s husband, the father of one of his nephews, who also had a shitty week and is not guilty of everything they are going through as a family, no matter how much Jiang Cheng wants to blame him. It’s not his fault he has a shitty father. If anything, it is a miracle he turned out differently.

It doesn’t mean, however, that he likes him.

“Jiang Cheng?” Zixuan asks, hesitating. There is the faint sound of people rushing through the hospital halls. 

“I’m listening.” He lets himself fall again on the bed, one shoe on and clothes askew. With the rush of adrenaline fading out, he starts getting sleepy.

It takes a few moments for Jin Zixuan to speak again, enough time for Jiang Cheng to wonder if the call is still going.

“So you know how my dad…”, he trails off. 

Jiang Cheng doesn’t blame him, not really. There is no easy way to say your dad is a rapist. 

“Well, I–” he cuts himself off, yet again, and Jiang Cheng is starting to regret picking up the phone. “You know I’ve tried to make amends, tracking back the families and all–”

He rambles on for a minute like that. Something about how some of the women ended up conceiving and carrying them to full-term. It takes Jiang Cheng another minute to realize that Zixuan is talking about a specific case, something about a sex worker and-

“Stop, stop, stop. What do you want?” Jiang Cheng feels only a little bit proud amidst the annoyance that it doesn't come out as biting as it could have. See, he can be sweet even though it's two in the morning.

“Canyoutakecareofmybrother?” he hears.

Jiang Cheng doesn't gape, or blink slowly like the sloth he feels like he shares the current thought capacity with. “... What?”

“Can you take care of my brother?” Zixuan repeats, better, the anxiety present but in check.

“ ... What? ”

By the time Jiang Cheng reaches his car, the inside is already warm. It’s a cold autumn night, and Nie Huaisang is still wearing his pajamas, a thick coat and sneakers; curled on the passenger's front seat. Under other circumstances, he knew Huaisang wouldn’t let himself be seen this unkempt, probably not even dead, but the last week has been harsh on everyone, and he is no exception.

The hospital isn’t far, fifteen minutes by car at most, and it’s so late there isn’t any traffic. The ride is quiet, and it’s only when they stop at a red light that he looks at his silent companion. The city lights frame his face like a backlight, giving him a perfect view of the line of his nose and the dark circles under his half-lidded eyes. He can’t see his mouth, but he knows Huaisang is chewing on his lower lip under the coat. He quite honestly looks as the rest of them feel, absolutely and utterly exhausted, and yet he remains unfairly beautiful.

“You look like shit. You should have stayed home.” He watches from the corner of his eye how Huaisang gapes at him, interrupting the assault to his lip.

“Well you don’t look that good yourself either,” he rolls his eyes at him with a small smile and then adds, quietly, “I wouldn’t be able to sleep until you were home anyway.”

He knows this. The mild haunted look Huaisang has now it’s only a faint echo of what it had been when Mingjue got really sick, some years ago. It had been months of hospital visits, of Mingjue sending his brother back home every other time to sleep, of Huaisang not being able to sleep at home anyway, of Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying convincing him to stay with them. So Huaisang hates hospitals, that’s an understatement. But he hates to stay home alone at night the most.

By the time Jiang Cheng parks the car all traces of sleep have left Huaisang’s face, who is hugging himself.

“Do you wanna wait here?” He squeezes his arm gently, trying not to startle him.

“Hm?” Huaisang blinks at him, as if he hadn’t been aware of his presence for the last couple of minutes, and then he seems to register the question. “No, I wanna go.”

“Okay.”

Huaisang doesn’t stop chewing on his lip and fidgeting until they reach the last floor and they get sight of Zixuan, who stands up from his chair outside Yanli’s door and looks at them like they are godsent. At his side, a child no older than three years old looks at them with caution as he tries to hide under the baby blanket he is tucked in, a thumb stuck in his mouth. 

Jiang Cheng eyes Jin Zixuan suspiciously. 

“Didn’t you say he was thirteen?” his brother-in-law watches him with confusion, but it only lasts a moment.

“A-Yao is thirteen, I got him and his mom a place to stay. A-Yu is four in three months.” 

Almost four. That can’t possibly be right. A-Yuan is four and he looks way older than the child in front of him. Xuanyu also looks like he wants to be anywhere but there. It’s – jarring. It’s like Jiang Cheng is taking a glance to the past for a moment, to a time where his father arrived home with a kid who looked younger than he was, who looked at him as wearily as this child was doing.

“Is… is his age gonna be a problem?” Zixuan asks, completely misunderstanding his silence. “We just– we don’t want him sleeping here. We don’t think he can. A hospital is no place for a toddler.”

Jiang Cheng notices Zixuan keeps saying ‘we’, and understands this is something his sister and him had talked about at length. He tries to remember exactly what Zixuan told him about Mo Xuanyu, clearly aware he mixed their stories up, but he comes up with nothing.

“No, it’s ok,” Huaisang interrupts his train of thoughts. “It’s late isn’t it? I bet he is tired,” he doesn’t mention they all are, but it’s implied.

Huaisang slowly approaches Jin Zixuan and kneels in front of Mo Xuanyu, but the child flinches from the movement and hides even more behind his brother. Jiang Cheng can see him looking at Zixuan helplessly.

“He… he is gonna do that. Constantly. Among other things.” he winces. “He’s been through a lot.”

At this point that’s the biggest understatement. He doesn’t want to think about the details that particular sentence might imply, lest he does something reckless. Like shouting. Xuanyu doesn’t look as if he would be alright handling that. And the more he thinks about it, the more he feels Zixuan and Yanli are right: a hospital isn’t good for a toddler.

But neither is Jiang Cheng.

Huaisang, completely oblivious to his inner turmoil, schools his expression and slowly holds his hands towards Xuanyu. Jiang Cheng has to bite his lip when he feels the urge to scream, because the simple motion makes Xuanyu flinch once again, closing his eyes as if he is expecting– something to happen. He thinks Huaisang is going to give up, but he merely waits for him to open his eyes again, and smiles softly.

“Hi sweetheart,” he speaks softly, as if speaking louder would break some kind of spell. “Do you think you can give me your hands for a second?”

The motion feels very familiar, and it takes a moment for Jiang Cheng to notice he has seen Huaisang do this before. The gentleness he is using with the kid is the same he has seen him use while approaching a scared, wounded bird. He isn’t demanding, he isn’t reaching out for him. He is giving him time, and the choice to trust him. It’s not a surprise for him when Xuanyu slowly, hesitantly, reaches for Huaisang’s open palms. That doesn’t stop him from staring in awe.

The moment Huaisang has Xuanyu’s little hands between his, he starts rubbing gentle circles with his thumbs, sighing with relief.

“Thank you, that was very brave. My name is Nie Huaisang, and that one over there is my friend Jiang Cheng,” he gives him a brief smile before turning back to face Mo Xuanyu, who is still looking at them with caution but doesn’t look as scared as before. “You are gonna stay with us for a few weeks, while Yanli-Jie and A-Ling are here. Would you like that?”

None of them are expecting an answer. In fact, he is starting to wonder if the child can talk at all. Xuanyu simply lets go of one of his hands to stick in his mouth again, watching Huaisang with something closer to curiosity than fear.

“I’m gonna carry you, is that ok?” Huaisang isn’t waiting for an answer either, but when he lets go of his hands and gently scoops him up, he can feel Jin Zixuan tense up.

But when the kid doesn’t cry, Zixuan lets go of a shaky breath.

“Oh thank god. He didn’t let me do that,” he whispered.

Well. It was going to be a very long ride home.

Chapter Text

Jiang Cheng is fumbling in search of their keys, sports bag loudly jostling on his arm, when he hears a doggy whimper from the inside. Which makes him realize they might or might not have a huge problem: 

They completely forgot about Princess.

“Uh. Huaisang?” He turns, watching as Huaisang shifts his attention back to him, Xuanyu resting comfortably on his hip.

“Please tell me you have the keys,” Huaisang pleads, misinterpreting his mild panic.

“It’s not that,” Huaisang relaxes somewhat. “It’s…” he gestures to the door just as Princess whimpers louder this time, clearly impatient that her owners have not entered the house yet when she can hear them. 

“Oh.”

“Do you think he…?” He trails off. He doesn’t quite know how to ask what he wants to ask without saying the word ‘dog’, just in case it’s a trigger for Xuanyu. But it doesn’t seem like he has to, because Huaisang picks up quickly.

“I don’t know,” he chews a bit on his lip as he mulls over it. “I don’t think it’s the same situation as with A-Ying. I can call my brother if it turns out to be a problem,” he assures tiredly. 

He doesn’t quite like the fact Huaisang is suggesting testing it out first, but he supposes they can’t stay outside in the cold for that long either. And he trusts Princess won’t jump or bark. So he prays it’ll be ok and opens the door. 

“Hi Princess,” he calls as casually and calmly as he can, though he is mentally preparing himself for the burst of tears that might come. “Were you good?”

He gets a bump on the knees as a greeting and he pets her head gently. Now that they are inside, she is happily and quietly sniffing them. She does suddenly become more interested in Huaisang the moment she notices they have a visitor, and tries to sniff Xuanyu just for him to flinch.

“No, no. It 's ok, see?” Huaisang reaches for her head, scratching gently behind her ears. “She just wants to say hello.”

Xuanyu is scared but he isn’t crying, and the more Huaisang pets Princess the more he seems to relax in his arms. Jiang Cheng takes this as his cue to start preparing things for the night, which brings him a new, completely different problem:

They don’t have a guest room.

Well, they had , back when they bought the house. But they had turned both guest rooms into workspaces, thinking they didn’t need one since they were the ones visiting their siblings at the time. Which meant the only rooms meant for sleeping in the house were currently occupied. He briefly considers letting the toddler sleep in the living room, but discards it as soon as he thinks about it. If Xuanyu couldn’t sleep on the hospital couches, there was no way he was going to be able to sleep in the living room either. Which means Jiang Cheng is going to be the one who will have to sleep on the sofa for the next couple of weeks. 

It isn’t ideal, but it’s not like they have another choice. 

He goes into his room and changes into his pajamas for the second time that night, prepares the bed and takes his pillow and blanket with him back to the living room– Huaisang, Xuanyu and Princess nowhere in sight. It’s only when he is almost done that Huaisang returns from his room with Xuanyu on his hip wearing what seems to be a yellow oversized long sleeved t-shirt, staring at him from the hall.

“What are you doing?”

“Preparing for the night?” From his perspective, it's  pretty obvious. Why else would he be moving stuff? But for some reason Huaisang is looking at him the way he always does when he’s being stupid. 

“...A-Ch– You know what?” He pinches his nose with his free hand for a moment. “No. I’m exhausted, I’m not arguing with you. Good morning, good evening and goodnight,” he says and disappears with Xuanyu into Jiang Cheng’s room.

He stands there, not quite understanding what made Huaisang snap at him. He didn’t even do anything wrong this time! Had he been less exhausted he might have argued back, but the problem was, they were all exhausted. Which, thinking about it, might be the reason why he snapped at him in the first place. So he turns off the lights and climbs into the couch and listens as Huaisang goes back to his own room a few minutes later, and then, finally, allows himself to sleep.

Morning greets him with pain in at least three different places, and he might or might not be a bit confused as to why he is in their living room. He can, however, hear movement in the kitchen. Which shouldn't be rare except for the fact that no one except himself uses said kitchen in the mornings. He takes his phone to check the hour, and then heads to the source of the noise and leans on the doorway, staring at an unsuspecting Huaisang.

He is, to his surprise, actually cooking. They have been living together for two years and he hadn’t seen, not even once, Huaisang making breakfast. The few times he got sick, the other man had made him soup, but Jiang Cheng thought it was partially a joke because he didn’t actually see him cooking, the food only appeared.

“I didn’t know you could cook,” he blurts out, making the other man startle and squeak.

Huaisang turns to face him with an offended expression, his mouth slightly parted and his brows furrowed. He has his hair pulled into a messy bun, and he is holding his spatula over the pan. He also looks– Well. He isn’t sure if it's the morning light or something else, but Huaisang somehow looks even worse than the night before.

“You just lost your breakfast privileges,” Huaisang says without real heat and then leans over Princess, who is, of course, waiting for leftovers under his feet. “Do you see how A-Die treats me baobei? Only you appreciate my food.”

Jiang Cheng snorts at his antics and invites himself into his own kitchen. “What are you making anyway?”

“Eggs,” he shrugs.

He can’t pinpoint what, but there is something about Huaisang that stops him from teasing him further.

“You woke up early,” is what he says instead.

Huaisang nods and turns off the stove and puts a little bit of the eggs in a small plate to cool for Princess. “A-Yu had a nightmare. I stayed with him for an hour or so until he could go back to sleep.”

Right. The kid. Jiang Cheng feels the muscles in his jaw tense.

“I– I didn’t hear him.” How didn’t he hear him? They had left the door open last night, and he was right there in the living room, how did he–

“Ah, I was already up,” Huaisang interrupts his train of thought, starting to put breakfast on plates while shifting his weight awkwardly. “He is very quiet. I don’t think I would have heard him cry if I hadn’t gone for a glass of water.”

“You should have woken me up!” he whispers, eyes darting around for where Xuanyu might still be sleeping.

“You got a meeting in an hour!” he whispers back, arms flailing around in protest. “I wasn’t about to wake you up if I could handle A-Yu for a while!”

Jiang Cheng knows this isn’t just about Mo Xuanyu. It’s not just about what Huaisang is telling him, it’s also about what he isn’t . There is only one reason why Huaisang would have been up late at night, and thinking about it only makes Jiang Cheng feel desperate at him for not telling him. 

“It’s not–” he groans, looking at the ceiling. “Huaisang. You should have told me.”

He doesn’t quite know if he means A-Yu’s nightmare, Huaisang’s nightmare, or both. He just knows he would have helped, he wanted to help. He feels frustrated, because he had been the one receiving help for the last couple of days and it made him feel– useless. Heck, Huaisang and him had a deal , his nightmares were one of the reasons they decided to get a fucking house together.

Huaisang sighs, sagging against the counter, “I’m telling you now,” he mumbles, gently scratching Princess ear. “I’m gonna wake up A-Yu before it gets cold. Are you gonna stay for breakfast?”

He mulls about it for a moment, but then he shakes his head.

“No, work has been piling up the last couple of days. I’ll see you in the afternoon, call me if something happens.”

Chapter Text

The only thing Jiang Cheng wants to do when he gets home is sleep for a week. He knew today’s meeting was going to be stressful, having to convince a great part of their sponsors to not take back the funds they’ve spent on their brand despite the scandal. He just didn’t anticipate how exhausting it was going to be. It wasn’t the Jiang’s fault Jin Zixuan (who was one of the models of the brand) had a dad who couldn’t keep it in his pants. It wasn’t Jin Zixuan’s fault either, and it’s –Jiang Cheng can’t believe he is going to say this– unfair they had to cut all visible connections to him because of what happened with his dad.

He didn’t like the peacock that much, but he is important to his sister. In the end, the defamation and the very intrusive interviews they had to overcome had been what ended up pushing Yanli to an early labor when she tried to push them back (They are going to sue them for this, there is no way they get away with it).

When Jiang Cheng finally opens the door to his house, he is greeted by silence. 

Which lasts about fifteen seconds before his phone decides to buzz nonstop. 

He fishes it out from his front pocket and stares at the string of messages, one coming after another.

Wei Wuxian [5:34 p.m.]

A-Cheng 

A-Cheeeeeeng~

Jiejie told me what happened. U ok?

U need me 2 go there?

The texts shouldn’t come as a surprise, but to be fair, he had more things to think about and the number had increased exponentially over a span of twenty-four hours. 

He knows he should have expected his brother to try and baby him the moment he got word of the situation, as if he wasn’t capable of doing things on his own. He types and deletes his response many times, all variations of “get lost”, but that would only lead to Wei Ying poking his unsolicited nose further in his business. He settles on something that will –hopefully– calm his brother down.

Me [5:37 p.m.]

Aren’t you supposed to be looking after Jiejie?

We are fine.

Wei Wuxian [5:37 p.m.]

U sure? Hows the lil one doing?

He rolls his eyes and he’s putting his phone away when he sees the door of his room is already open. He meant to change into more comfortable clothes for the evening, but he finds Huaisang and Princess curled around Xuanyu, taking an afternoon nap on his bed.

He takes a picture and sends it as proof the baby still lives. Your brother adopts a kid once and suddenly he is an expert. Jiang Cheng and Huaisang can manage, thank you very much. 

Me [5:37 p.m.]

[Photo]

Sleeping

Rough night

‘For all of us’ goes unsaid, but he trusts his brother to catch on and stop bothering them for a while.

He can’t help but look at them. Huaisang is still wearing his painting clothes, hair fanning over the pillow. Little puffs of air escape his parted lips, ruffling Xuanyu’s hair. He didn’t bother to close the curtains, and Jiang Cheng doesn’t understand how they are not melting under the afternoon sun.

He is amazed Xuanyu is actually taking a nap after the night they’ve had. Granted, Huaisang seems to have warmed up to the kid, but Xuanyu doesn’t seem to be doing that well in a new environment. Not to say he doesn’t seem to be doing well at all.

His phone buzzes in his pocket. His brother apparently didn’t get the memo.

Wei Wuxian [5:40 p.m.]

A-Cheng! He is so cute!!!!!

Omg did a-sang sleep at all??

Did u sleep at all???

R u sure u dont need help??????

Me [5:40 p.m.]

YES, I’M SURE

Just make sure Jiejie and A-Ling are ok

Wei Wuxian [5:40 p.m.]

:c

To be fair, that’s what his brother should be doing. It’s his turn to be with Yanli at the hospital, which also explains why he got word of this in the first place. 

Jiang Cheng moves to the kitchen and starts with the food in blissful silence. He isn’t nearly as good as his sister, but he is by no means a bad cook. He finds it relaxing, the motion of chopping through the ingredients, of following a recipe. The knowledge that as long as he sticks to what he is supposed to be doing, it's gonna be ok.

He thinks about the things they should probably buy as he chops a carrot in cubes. Maybe they need a baby monitor, for when Xuanyu has a nightmare and neither of them are awake to hear him. Some toys might help too, though he hasn’t seen the kid even touch the plushie Jin Zixuan packed for him.

It occurs to him that Xuanyu needs clothes. He looks cute in Huaisang’s shirt, but it hangs loosely from his shoulders and they can’t have him walking around in that all the time. But he is so small that shopping clothes on the internet without knowing his size is a no. And taking him to a store, given how nervous he is around people, would definitely raise some questions.

He groans, knowing his brother is going to be insufferable for what he is about to tell him.

Me [5:55 p.m.]

Ok fine. I might need help

Wei Wuxian [5:55 p.m.]

:DDDDD

Me [5:55 p.m.]

Do you have some of A-Yuan’s clothes we can borrow? 

Jiang Cheng gently shakes Huaisang awake, rubbing his shoulder until he blinks sleepily at him. He briefly considers waking up A-Yu too, but the kid hasn’t reached for him yet and the last thing he wants is to scare him more.

“Welcome back,” Huaisang says. Or babbles. It kinda sounds more like “com bak”, but he has never been a particularly functional person just as he wakes up, and Jiang Cheng has experience deciphering half muttered words by now.

“Dinner is ready,” he gives him one last nudge just to make sure he won’t fall asleep the moment he lets go. Then he gets up from where he is leaning on the bed, making his way back to the kitchen.

Princess trots after him only a minute later, nudging his knees and demanding cuddles. Jiang Cheng gives up almost immediately. Whatever, he can wash his hands again once the sleepyheads decide to join them. Meanwhile, he entertains himself stroking Princess soft sun-warmed fur.

Huaisang comes in some minutes later, A-Yu clings onto one of his hands, sleepily rubbing his eyes with the other.

“How was work?” he asks nonchalantly. Jiang Cheng gives him a tired look as a response, and Huaisang has the decency to grimace. “I figured.”

He knows Huaisang wants to ask but won't be pushy about it. Jiang Cheng wants to vent about it but it’s not a conversation he wants to have now, so he serves the food instead. He’s made something substantial for him and Huaisang, and rice with salmon for Xuanyu. It’s obvious he is missing a lot of baby fat. Doctor said it’s thankfully not to the point of severe malnutrition. 

Jiang Cheng tries to not think way too hard on it, because Xuanyu is malnourished and the mere thought makes his blood boil. Anyway, neither of them know how much food he is used to eating so they are being extra cautious about his diet, lest they accidentally make Xuanyu sick.

Huaisang helps Xuanyu to a chair with a cushion while Jiang Cheng sets the small table. They have a bigger table in the living room that they don’t use because there are only two of them, and it doesn’t seem necessary with their temporary family of three.

As Jiang Cheng sits down, Xuanyu is nibbling nervously on a hand and Huaisang is coaxing him into eating. He is about to take a bite of his food when Xuanyu reaches for his tiny bowl and hops off the chair, walking to the corner of the kitchen and sitting on the floor.

There is a moment of silence where they stare at the toddler and the toddler stares back, looking as if he is not sure if he should be eating or not, broken by a heavy sigh.

“He did this in the morning,” Huaisang explains, hopping off his own chair and making his way towards Mo Xuanyu.

He is getting the feeling Huaisang thinks he is not able to do this. He doesn’t feel he is able to do this. But the fact that he is getting glimpses of information here and there –first the nightmare, then this –  is making him feel the same sort of anxiety he gets when his brother babies him. 

Huaisang puts Xuanyu back onto the chair, but the second he moves to sit down again, Xuanyu hops down once more, fleeing to the corner again.

Jiang Cheng very much wants to punch the Mo’s. He doesn’t want to imagine why A-Yu is acting like this, but he has a hunch. Wei Ying had a lot of trauma-induced behavior the first months he spent with them, and this feels very similar to that.

When Huaisang moves to Mo Xuanyu the second time, the toddler leaves the bowl on the floor and backs off to the wall as if the bowl burnt him, the movement so sudden it makes Huaisang stop. Then he starts to cry.

He is fully expecting the screams that usually accompany a crying kid, but they never come. ‘He is very silent,’ he remembers. But just because he isn’t making a fuss doesn’t mean he doesn’t look extremely distressed, and Jiang Cheng’s first instinct is to reach for him as he would for A-Yuan.

He is nowhere near touching distance, but Xuanyu recoils back and brings his arms closer to his chest, fearfully looking at him. Jiang Cheng would scream at himself right now if he could. Wasn’t he supposed to give the kid space? Precisely because of this?

Huaisang looks between them with a weird expression, before kneeling in front of Xuanyu, speaking softly in an attempt to calm him down.

Jiang Cheng wants to comfort A-Yu. He wants to tell him it’s ok if he eats. He wants to say a lot of things but all of them are stuck to his throat as he watches Huaisang rubbing soothing circles on Xuanyu’s back. He feels a very strong urge to storm out, but he doesn’t want Xuanyu to fear him more than he already does. So he soldiers on and stays, and sits down again when Huaisang manages to put Xuanyu on his lap to spoon-feed him.

It’s a very uncomfortable, very silent dinner. A-Yu doesn’t stop crying for the whole meal, and Jiang Cheng feels the worried glances Huaisang keeps giving him.

He refuses to look back.

Chapter Text

Jiang Cheng finds himself watching a movie on the couch a couple of hours later, with Princess resting her head on his chest, his fingers deftly playing with her ears. His phone buzzes on the coffee table and he reaches for it, absently opening the message.

–––[9:20 p.m.]–––

     Wei Wuxian 

     Lz is gonna go there b4 work

     that ok?

Me

Thanks

He puts his phone down and looks back at the TV. He doesn’t notice the credits are rolling until Huaisang turns it off, sitting down next to his feet. He only gets a couple of minutes of playing dumb, pretending the only one there is Princess before Huaisang decides it’s enough. 

“A-Cheng,” Huaisang places a hand on his legs.

Jiang Cheng pretends he can’t hear him. He really doesn’t want to talk about it.

“I know you can hear me. What 's wrong?” Huaisang shakes his leg and Princess ends up leaving the couch. 

He doesn’t have a fur shield anymore so he stares at the ceiling, just to avoid looking at Huaisang. “Nothing. You have everything under control,” he aims for neutrality, but sounds reproachful. “You didn’t tell me,” he adds, unable to stop himself.

“Wanyin, I told you –” 

“No. You told me later. ”

“You were at work.”

“And I told you to call if anything happened!” He snaps at him. Huaisang looks like he is fumbling for an excuse but then he gives up.

“Ok. That one is my fault,” the air fills with silence and he looks back at the ceiling as Huaisang fiddles with the fabric of his pants, never having taken his hand away. “Does it–” he keeps silent for a bit, organizing his thoughts. “Would you prefer it if I didn’t take care of Xuanyu?”

“What?” he snaps his head at him. “No–”

“Then what is it?” Huaisang is now staring at him with much more patience than he deserves.

‘What is it?’ he asks, but Jiang Cheng himself doesn’t quite know. For a moment, he entertains the idea of not answering. But then he thinks about the week they’ve all had and knows he can’t afford arguing with Huaisang on top of everything else. He doesn’t know, so he starts with the things he does .

“I don’t like it when you don’t tell me things,” he starts.

“Ok. What else?”

“I don’t mean only about Xuanyu.”

Huaisang nods, “I know.”

“I keep wondering why they asked me to take care of the kid, when you are doing a good job by yourself.”

“Jiang Cheng– ”

“And you've done a lot for us, the last couple of days.”

“No, shut up. Backtrack a little. Did you think I did it because I thought you couldn’t?”

He feels himself flush because yes, that’s exactly what he thought. And now that Huaisang has said it out loud he feels a little dumb, because Huaisang isn’t Wei Ying even if what he did is something his brother would do.

“Oh my– A-Cheng ,” he runs a hand through his hair, undoing his half-bun. “Listen. I know I fucked up by not telling you things. I just– I thought I could help, if I could get some weight off your shoulders.”

Jiang Cheng grabs a cushion and covers his head because he feels like an ass. Huaisang has been helping them since the whole Jin fiasco happened, and here he is, snapping at him because he felt he was babying him.

Which Huaisang wasn’t, and Jiang Cheng doesn’t know if that makes him feel better or worse.

“Wait, you think I can?” he asks, sitting for the first time in hours and looking incredulously at Huaisang.

“Why wouldn’t I? Yanli-Jie and Xuan-Ge also think so,” he says, in the tone one says ‘the sky is blue’.

“What if I yell at him? Wouldn’t I be the same as– as them ?” he doesn’t need to specify who.

“Is that what you are worried about?” Huaisang huffs. “Have you ever yelled at A-Yuan? Or at Princess?”

“Yes?” he tries, even if he doesn’t really remember.

“In a not playful way, Wanyin.”

“I yelled at Wei Ying,” he clenches his jaw, “when he arrived.”

‘I keep yelling at him,’ he thinks.

“You were a kid, then. It 's different. And you grew up with him,” he adds. 

He lets himself sag against the couch, not knowing how to argue back. Huaisang is right, he is an adult now. And yet, he still has the unshakable feeling he is gonna screw this up in some way or another.

At least this is for a few weeks, right? But after that, Yanli will keep Xuanyu as her own and then he will be his nephew. So if he makes a mistake, if he somehow manages to make irreversible damage to the kid, it’s not like he can ignore it ever happening.

“I’ll tell you if something happens when you are at work, ok?” Jiang Cheng nods. Even if he probably won’t be able to help, he would like to know. “I shouldn’t have kept it from you, there was no way you would have expected–” he waves his hand, as if it could encompass everything that happened, “that.”

“Sorry,” he blurts out. “For snapping at you.”

Huaisang shakes his head. “No, I’m sorry. I should have asked you first.”

Jiang Cheng wants to tell him he shouldn’t be, but then Huaisang is moving up from the couch and yawning. He doesn’t look completely wrecked like that night they went to the hospital, but he still looks tired.

“Are you gonna sleep on the couch?” he asks him. Jiang Cheng , who is in his pajamas and over the blankets he laid on said couch.

“Yes?” he asks back, with a strong resemblance to last night.

Huaisang rolls his eyes and looks tiredly at him. “Ok. Good night A-Cheng.”

And for the second time that week, Jiang Cheng wonders what he did .

Jiang Cheng doesn’t know what he expected. Maybe a sports bag with some hand-me-downs. Or emergency clothes, which is exactly what he asked for. He didn’t expect his brother-in-law to arrive at their home and drop off a huge cardboard box in the middle of their living room, filled to the brim with what looks like a year’s worth of toddler clothes. 

They don’t need clothes for a year. They are only taking care of Xuanyu for a few weeks (or maybe a couple of months) while Jiejie settles with A-Ling. The only reason they haven’t gone shopping for baby clothes is because Xuanyu always looks like he is about to have a —silent— breakdown every time he has to interact with someone who is not Huaisang, and they don’t want to put him under more stress. Which might be the only reason why he is glad his nephew is not here for a visit with Lan Wangji. He doesn’t know if Xuanyu’s distrust extends to toddlers but he doesn’t wanna find out yet. Meal times are stressful enough. 

“They are clean,” Lan Wangji says unnecessarily, Jiang Cheng can smell the soap from where he is watching him unpack the box. 

“Thank you,” he says, because he can’t figure out how to politely tell Wangji they don’t even have that much space for so many clothes.

In retrospect, he should have expected this. Lan Wangji is very similar to Wei Ying, they both have this ‘go big or go home’ vibe going on. Which is a bit annoying, because they have the tendency to show big displays of affection and unknowingly rubbing their happiness in everyone else’s face.

Truth be told, he hadn’t liked Wangji the first few years they knew each other. It was mutual. Jiang Cheng hated his apathy and Wangji his temper. They had been a weird group back when they were studying, with him and Wangji talking to the same people but not talking to each other. He had been jealous because he was Huaisang’s ‘other brother’ and Wei Ying was smitten with him. It had felt like he was stealing them away, despite Wangji having known Huaisang for longer than he or Wei Ying did.

He had been worried when Wangji and Wei Ying first started dating. His brother is too much, loves too much, and it often led to multiple heartbreaks over the years. He had thought Wangji didn’t deserve him, because his brother was practically screaming their love at the top of his lungs and Wangji had just been. There. 

It took Wei Ying to disappear when they were barely eighteen for them to start to understand each other, to finally meet the man under their respective facades. And by some miracle, they started to actually get along. 

They are not best friends, but they are not not-friends either.

And now said friend is in his living room, being his unintentional overwhelming self, with his ridiculous giant box.

“How are you doing? Wei Ying said Huaisang looked–” Shitty , his brother would have said. “Tired.”

Jiang Cheng snorts. “That’s an understatement.”

“Hey! I heard that!” Comes the indignant response from inside the kitchen.

The corners of Lan Wangji’s mouth twitch upwards. 

“We’ll make it work,” he shrugs.

“Mn. Call if you need.”

And just as quick as he came, he leaves.

“For the record, you also look tired,” Huaisang is squinting at him from the kitchen door, A-Yu resting on his hip while munching a slice of apple.

“I always look tired,” he deadpans.

“Good point. Anyway, what did Wangji br– What the hell? ” Huaisang stops walking the moment he sees the box.

What the hell, indeed.

Chapter Text

It’s good they are both working from home today. Well, it’s good Jiang Cheng is working from home today, because there are a ton of baby clothes to sort and as much as Huaisang loves clothes, he definitely doesn’t want to be the only one drowning in all that chaos. 

They spend the first twenty minutes coaxing Xuanyu to use one of his bird coloring books and one of his smaller coloring pencil sets. Turns out, sorting clothes with a toddler glued to your hip is not as easy as he thought it would be. 

Xuanyu doesn’t seem as afraid of Jiang Cheng as he was before. Jiang Cheng hands him a vibrant green when A-Yu reaches for it, and for once he doesn’t seem as hesitant when he takes it. Jiang Cheng softens and does that thing where you can tell he is smiling even if he isn’t moving his mouth, but Xuanyu doesn’t keep eye contact long enough to see it. 

Huaisang thinks it’s cute. Jiang Cheng has always been like that with children. That’s why it had been so weird to see him so hesitant around him, knowing how naturally it came to him to take care of A-Yuan.

Jiang Cheng loves children, and he likes it when they like him back.

But he gets it. A-Yu isn’t like other toddlers and needs to be treated gently, even more than usual. Even now, when A-Yuan would be already humming a song while coloring, he remains silent.

Huaisang isn’t exactly a kid person. Yes, he loves A-Yuan and he would love any nephew or niece his brother gave him, but he also thought it was good that one could give a kid back to their parents at the end of the day. And yet, there had been something about Xuanyu that tugged painfully at his heartstrings since the first moment they met.

Jiang Cheng sees Wei Ying.

Huaisang sees himself.

Hadn’t Mingjue been eighteen when they lost their parents, this could have been him. Way older, yes, but passed along between unknown people nonetheless. And if it would have been hard for a thirteen year old, he doesn’t fathom how hard it was for someone who was only three.

“A-Sang?” 

He must have remained silent for long, because Jiang Cheng is watching him with concern.

“Ah, yes. Clothes. Sorry, I spaced out,” he stands up from the rug and moves towards the box.

“Are you alright?” he hears Jiang Cheng following behind him.

“Yeah, I’m just. Not fully awake,” which is half a lie, but he doesn’t want to dwell on imaginary scenarios anymore.

Jiang Cheng seems to think this is an acceptable answer, and they get to work without further questioning.

They end up with several piles on the couch. All underwear is on the left, all the clothes that would actually fit Xuanyu on the middle, and all the ones that are too tiny or way too big on the right. Princess has been busy sniffing all the clothes the entire time, as if she isn’t sure how to feel about them.

There is an absurd amount of bunny-themed clothes. And almost all of them are white or a shade of blue, with some speckles of red and black here and there. He is pretty sure he hasn’t seen A-Yuan wearing most of these, Wangji probably brought clothes he didn’t get to use before they didn’t fit him anymore. He picks a black long-sleeved shirt, a baby blue knitted sweater and some white pants and puts them on the coffee table, right next to where Xuanyu is coloring a bird’s feathers bright pink.

“What do you think buddy? Do you wanna change into fresh clothes?” He drums his fingers on the fabric, hoping the motion gets Xuanyu’s attention. It doesn’t.

“Shouldn’t we bathe him first?” Jiang Cheng asks from where he is putting oversized clothes back into the box.

Suddenly Huaisang is painfully aware of something very important he neglected to mention before.

“Ah. Yes. About that,” Jiang Cheng looks at him, cautious. 

Huaisang grabs his arm and brings him into the hall, right next to his room. He makes sure Xuanyu is still distracted with his coloring book.

“Okay, so”, he lowers his voice, and rubs Jiang Cheng’s hand in what he hopes are soothing motions. “Listen. I noticed this, before we talked last night. And I didn’t tell you then because it made me mad and I didn’t know how to tell you because it will make you mad too. But he’s got bruises.”

“ WH– ” Huaisang puts a hand over his mouth and looks frantically towards the living room.

“No yelling, remember?” Jiang Cheng breathes deeply a couple of times until Huaisang deems safe to let him go. “This should just be a normal bath, we don’t need to confront him about this.”

He doesn’t mention Xuanyu hasn’t said a word since he arrived, but he doesn’t know if acknowledging it would make him uncomfortable.

“I wasn’t going to confront him–”

“Can you ignore them, when you see them?” He asks. Jiang Cheng still looks like he is gonna storm out to the Mo’s household and punch several someones in the face.

“I–” Maybe it’s the wrong thing to ask. Huaisang can’t exactly pretend they don’t exist, either. “I can try.”

He smiles reassuringly at him. “That will do.”

“Are they… bad?” He asks, jaw clenched.

Huaisang supposes that if someone had given him a heads up of what he was gonna see that first night, he would have been at least a bit prepared for them. But that’s a tricky question because those are not what he considers particularly bad in an adult, but the fact that Xuanyu has bruises… Well. No toddler should have them.

“They are only on his wrists. Finger-shaped,” he answers sincerely. Hiding the truth from him would help no one.

“Fuck,” he hears him whisper. “Is that why he…?”

He knows what he is thinking, because he also thought about it. The way he flinches and brings his arms to his chest is heartbreaking. He can perfectly imagine the Mos moving him around from the arms, telling him to be quiet, to not cry, not letting him be on the table with them. 

“I think so, yes.”

“Fuck,” he repeats, running his hand through his hair. “Are they doing something about it?”

Huaisang really hopes Xuan-ge is doing something about it, because if not, excuse him for wanting to commit a little bit of murder. But then–

“I don’t think he would be with us if they didn’t.”

“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng sags against the wall, looking to the ceiling. “Yeah, you are right.”

Bath time, turns out, it’s a nightmare.

Honestly, Huaisang just wants one day of not discovering Xuanyu’s triggers by accident. The only thing he did was say ‘Hey sweetheart, I think it’s bath time’ and A-Yu’s eyes filled with unshed tears, lip quivering and arms crossed over his chest.

“No,” he says softly, and he would be elated to know A-Yu talks if not for the fact it comes out unbearably sad.

And he has to take a moment to recover and not cry himself because it’s just. Too much . It seems like there isn’t a single thing this child is not afraid of. There doesn’t seem to be something that is not tainted with unhappy memories.

Jiang Cheng is kneeling in front of Xuanyu the moment he notices what’s happening. He slowly extends his arms towards him, and A-Yu backs away till his back hits the couch.

“Hey,” he calls softly, not stopping his hands even when Xuanyu visibly flinches. “Hey, it’s ok lil’ guy.”

He touches his shoulders and A-Yu freezes and closes his eyes as if waiting for the worst. Huaisang thinks he is gonna let him go, but instead he starts rubbing his arms gently until Xuanyu looks back at him. 

“It 's ok. I won’t hurt you. We won’t hurt you.” He gathers him in his arms in a practiced motion, and rests his cheek on his head. Xuanyu keeps sniffing miserably but he doesn’t struggle against his arms.

This is the Jiang Cheng he knows, and it would be unbearably cute if it wasn’t so heartbreaking. If he could he would spare A-Yu the trouble, but they can’t have him not bathing forever and risk an infection or him getting sick.

They bring him to the bathroom. He looks— it’s like he is resigned to whatever this bath means. He is still weepy and a little bit snotty, but he raises his arms when Huaisang asks him to so he can remove his shirt. 

He hears Jiang Cheng gasp the moment his eyes land on his wrists. And well. Huaisang had forgotten how ugly they were and how livid they made him. 

They manage to put him in the bathtub, the water warm but not scalding. 

“I’m sorry love,” he tells him as they soap him gently. “I know you are scared, but we’ll make it quick, yeah?” 

Huaisang is glad Xuanyu isn’t currently looking at Jiang Cheng because the man is having a hard time keeping it together. 

It gets easier, when Xuanyu calms down enough to stop crying. He seems to have realized they are really not going to hurt him. Jiang Cheng is the first to notice.

“It isn’t that bad, is it?” The man is soaping his legs, and A-Yu is staring at him. “Look,” he makes a ring with his fingers and blows a bubble.

And Xuanyu giggles . 

He sees Jiang Cheng swallow multiple times and he feels himself doing the same. Because. Wow.

“Now you,” he says, as if they hadn’t been silent for a minute. And then he soaps Xuanyu’s hands and helps him form a ring.

Chapter Text

He can’t breathe. 

It is way too hot and he can’t move and everything is dark and it’s way too quiet and the room feels too small and he can’t breathe .

He falls and fights against the sheets, kicking his feet until he is freed, and stumbles blindly across the room until he feels the cold metal of the doorknob. The dumb thing doesn’t open and the walls are closing and–

The door gives in and he trips into the hallway, the light temporarily blinding him. He braces himself for the fall but quick arms catch him instead.

“What do you need?” Jiang Cheng asks softly.

“Out,” he gasps, desperately clinging to his shirt.

Huaisang is vaguely aware he is being carried, too busy trying to make sense of his surroundings. The lights are moving a bit too much and suddenly they are outside and it’s dark again, their backyard dimly lit by the moonlight.

Right. Their backyard. He is at the home they bought together, after A-Ying married.

There is still a long while before it’s time for the first snowfall of the year, but the night air of autumn is chilly nonetheless. It’s better, but it’s not enough.

He absently looks at the stars but they are moving a lot so he stares at the grass instead.

“Space?”

“No,” he squeezes Jiang Cheng with shaky fingers, clinging even more to him. There are nights where he can’t stand anyone’s touch. This isn’t one of those.

“Okay.” 

Jiang Cheng sits on the grass with him curled on his lap. He is stroking his hair while Huaisang pants desperately on his neck. Being so close is making it harder to breathe, but he is starting to shake so bad his teeth are clattering and the pressure helps a little. At least there are no walls to close on him anymore, so that is good.

“You want me to call him?”

He lets go of a shuddering breath. He knows, logically, that Mingjue is at home, no longer sick and sleeping. But the irrational part of his brain is relieved, because Jiang Cheng wouldn’t offer to call him if… if the nightmare that woke him up wasn’t a nightmare.

“Let him sl–sleep.”

It 's fine. It’s ok, he doesn’t need to wake up his brother, even if it feels like he is dying. Maybe he really is dying. Maybe tonight is the night where his heart gets tired of beating so fast and gives up.

He doesn’t know when he pulled away enough to stare at Jiang Cheng. Huaisang is dying and he’s never told him– but he can’t tell him. You don’t say that just to die right after. He knows he will probably die young but he is so scared .

“I d-don’t–” his jaw snaps closed and he struggles to open his mouth again, his body not being able to repress a sharp shiver. 

Jiang Cheng hugs him tightly, his brow furrowed with worry. He waits for him, and Huaisang can already feel the tears pricking his eyes and his throat closing. 

“Wanna d-die,” he sobs, unable to stop himself. 

He didn’t want to cry. It always makes the shaking worse, and way harder to breathe. 

“You won’t. I won’t let you, I promise.” Huaisang chokes on a sob and Jiang Cheng moves away the damp hair that is sticking to his face. “Do you want me to count?”

He nods. There are nights when listening to him count makes it worse, but he wants to try. His heart is hammering in his chest and he wants— he wants this to be over. He wants to live. 

Jiang Cheng counts slowly for him. He manages to inhale for four seconds, but he can’t hold his breath anymore when Jiang Cheng reaches two. He starts counting again, over and over, until Huaisang can inhale, hold and exhale for three seconds each. 

He is calming down, a bit. The air is still not enough, but it’s starting to be. It’s a bit easier to hold his breath, even if it comes out shuddering. He is still shaking occasionally, but it’s now far from the constant shivering. 

He is not sure for how long Jiang Cheng counts for him, but he doesn’t stop until he is breathing regularly. 

“Better?” He is gently drying his tears with his thumb. His fingers are freezing. They must have been outside for a long time.

“Mn. Sorry,” he whispers, his voice hoarse. He is no longer pulling on his shirt, but his fingers are still loosely curled on the fabric. 

“Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng scolds him. “Don’t.”

They are moving again. He still feels a bit detached from reality, looking at their living room in a daze. Jiang Cheng lowers him on the sofa and wraps him in his blankets before leaving him alone for a while.

Huaisang is tired. His skin feels cold and clammy under his clothes and now that he is no longer numb, he is starting to regret going outside. He brings the blankets closer to him, hiding his cold nose under the fabric.

Jiang Cheng returns after some time with two mugs of hot milk with honey and cinnamon, and Huaisang opens the blanket so he can curl inside with him on the couch.

They drink the milk in silence, his hands warming on the mug and the sensation returning to his fingers slowly. It 's good. He doesn’t feel as cold anymore, and his throat isn’t as scratchy as it used to be. 

He doesn’t notice he is dozing off until Jiang Cheng pries the empty mug from his hands. 

He carries him to his bed, and tucks him under the covers. They don’t talk about it, after years of living together, this is just how things are.

“You want me to stay?”

“I’m all sweaty,” he protests weakly.

“You are always sweaty right after. Do you want me to stay?”

“Yeah. But you don’t have to.” Jiang Cheng needs to stay at the hospital the next day, the last thing he needs is to sleep uncomfortable.

“Bullshit,” he joins him under the covers and opens his arms. “Come here.”

He should fight him. He really should, and let him sleep by himself, considering he managed to wake him up in the middle of the night. But he is terribly exhausted and arguing requires energy he doesn’t currently have. And there is also the chance of him startling awake while trying to go back to sleep, so...

He gives in, and settles his head on his chest in a practiced motion. Jiang Cheng stretches to turn off the lamp before bringing him even closer.

And he sleeps.

When he wakes up, he isn’t surprised that the other half of his bed is empty. The room smells vaguely sweet, and there is a pair of clear eyes staring at him.

“Pretty gege,” Xuanyu calls from the door, a safe distance from him. “Tall gege says to wake up.”

Huaisang stares back at him. Did he just– And he is just standing there as if he didn’t– He is still dreaming, right? And wait.

Pretty gege?

Xuanyu is no longer looking at him, and is fidgeting in the doorway. It dawns on him that he has spent who knows how long openly gaping at him, enough to make him uncomfortable, apparently. And they can’t have that now, can they?

“Hmmm, don’t wanna,” he plops his head back on the pillow, making a show of it. He opens one eye to see Xuanyu stare back at him. “Although, if I could get one hug from A-Yu, then I guess I could get up…”

Xuanyu looks adorable standing in the doorway on his borrowed bunny onesie, completely unsure of how to proceed. It’s not until Huaisag stretches his arms that the toddler walks towards him, and he hugs him as soon as he is close enough.

“Thank you baby. You give very nice hugs, you know that?” A-Yu doesn’t answer, but he does cling to Huaisang with a little bit more confidence. Huaisang isn’t thinking about how a single compliment is enough to make him settle. Nope, not at all. “Okay, let’s see what tall gege is up to, hm?”

‘Tall gege’, turns out, is up to making breakfast, which explains why the whole house smells like vanilla and butter.

‘He talks’, he mouths at the man when he glances at them.

Jiang Cheng nods, and his eyes are suspiciously red rimmed. He must have made Xuanyu talk without meaning to, and then sent the toddler to wake him up just so he could have a couple of moments by himself. 

“I’m almost done. There is warm milk with honey, for you and A-Yu,” Jiang Cheng points at the mugs on the table, aggressively flipping pancakes and desperately not looking at them. 

In other circumstances, Huaisang would be teasing Jiang Cheng for being a softie. But the way things currently are, he is just– tired. The small things Xuanyu achieves shouldn’t be as emotionally taxing as they are. They should feel happy for him, not wanting to commit a murder in his name.

So instead, he squeezes Jiang Cheng’s shoulder gently when he passes him on his way to the small table. “You are the best.”

Before he manages to reach the table however, he is met with a fluffy, attention demanding fur wall. 

“Ah, of course. How could I forget about my precious daughter? You are also the best,” he bends down so he can kiss Princess on the head and pet her with his free hand. “Say good morning to Princess, A-Yu.”

“Good morning Princess,” the kid is already leaning down, one grabby hand extended towards their dog, the other still clinging to Huaisang’s neck.

“Noooo, you are so cute I’m gonna cry.”

Xuanyu frowns a little, unsure on how to react. Oops.

“Happy tears, I promise I promise,” he amends. “It’s just, I’m so happy you are talking sweetheart.”

“Both of us,” Jiang Cheng adds, a gentle smile on his lips.

Xuanyu seems to be struggling on how to answer, so they wait for him. Whatever it is that troubles him, neither of them wants to shrug it off.

“I’m… loud?”

Of course, it had to be another punch to the gut.

“You are allowed to be loud, kiddo. You are way too quiet,” Jiang Cheng ruffles his hair lovingly. “Now, do you want to sit on a chair on your own?” Xuanyu shakes his head no. “You can sit with Huaisang then.”

He squeezes the child closer to him, “It’s fine love, baby steps.”

Jiang Cheng nods, “Baby steps.”

Chapter Text

There haven’t been a lot of truly joyful moments in Jiang Cheng’s life, not when his every move is tied to the expectations of his mother. He could probably count them with the fingers of a single hand.

The day they got Wei Ying back – though that probably doesn’t count. There had been a lot of sadness and grief and anger too.

The day his brother married. The day his sister married. The day he bought a house with Huaisang. The day they adopted Princess.

This unbridled moment of joy, however, is definitely one of the best of his life, face full of tears that he refuses to acknowledge, relief flowing through his veins and a little baby sleeping in his arms.

“Jie, he is so tiny,” he whispers, watching his little nephew wrinkle his little nose.

“Yes.”

“Is it truly fine I’m–?” he stares at his sister, completely terrified of moving a muscle.

“Oh, A-Cheng,” she squeezes him gently, looking at her son over his shoulder. “Yes, it 's fine. A-Ling needs all the love we can give him, he was separated from us for way too long.”

Jiang Cheng nods, throat too closed to talk. He wants to hold his little hands, but Jin Ling is so small that he is afraid of letting him slip. His face is uncomfortably wet too, but he doesn’t have a free arm to deal with that. 

“It 's okay. We also cried this morning,” he feels the comforting hand of his sister rubbing his back, but also the knee-jerk reaction he has whenever he experiences emotions.

“Crying? Who 's crying?” he sniffs. “I have an allergy today.”

Yanli, mercifully, doesn’t mention Jiang Cheng hasn’t had an allergy in his life. She does laugh at him a little bit and dries his tears with a tissue though.

“If everything goes well, we will be home by the end of the week,” she says, stroking Jin Ling’s fluffy hair. He can see the relief in her eyes, how relaxed she looks in comparison to previous days now that she no longer looks scared.

“They are discharging you?” he asks, dumbly. Of course they are, how else are they gonna be home in some days? But he needs to hear it again, he needs to be certain his sister and his nephew are out of danger.

“That’s what they told us in the morning. They are gonna run some tests to make sure we are ok, but we should be able to go home very soon,” Yanli smiles at him, the tiredness still visible in her face. “Speaking of home, are you sure you are ok taking care of A-Yu for some weeks? I can ask A-Xuan if–”

“We can, Jie. It 's no problem,” he hopes he doesn’t sound too defensive. Yanli doesn’t need to know about his little breakdown from a couple of nights ago.

“I know you can, didi. That’s why we asked you in the first place,” definitely not subtle, then. “It’s just that I’m worried. Mom has told me how hectic things are in the company, and I fear she will start to pressure you to return to working full time.”

Well, fuck.

“What makes you think that?” he knows his sister wouldn’t be mentioning it if their mom didn’t hint at it.

“She has been saying how you keep going home early, and how you shouldn’t take days off when the company is in an emergency. A-Cheng, I don’t wanna make things harder for you if I can help it,” she squeezes his side lovingly, eyes full with worry.

If he had his hands free, he would already be trying to soothe the headache that is threatening to come his way. But he also doesn't want his sister to worry, so it’s good that he has his hands full.

“Just worry about getting well Jiejie. A-Sang has been helping a lot, and I don’t think it would be good for Xuanyu to move again so soon. He is talking .”

“Who is talking?”

He freezes and tries not to give his feelings away. It’s good that he and Wei Ying have practice improvising on the spot. It’s bad said improvising didn’t work that well when they were kids. He hopes it works this time.

“Wei Ying,” he rolls his eyes as convincingly as he can. “He has been talking all day about how he hasn’t been able to come and meet Jin Ling.”

It 's half a lie. Wei Ying has indeed complained about how he didn’t get to be at the hospital today, but not nearly as much as he is pretending it to be. It seems to fool his mother though.

She scoffs, “ I should be complaining about how I haven’t seen my grandson sooner. Come, give him to me.”

He passes the baby to her and she occupies his place in the bed, making small talk with Yanli. She asks how she has been, and mercifully seems to ignore Jiang Cheng in favor of paying attention to Jin Ling. He sits on a chair, tuning the conversation off, and just observes. He does pick on bits and pieces, hears his mother ask when he is gonna marry, and his sister interrupts her to say he doesn’t need to marry for now. He hears when his mother says dismissively how he isn’t gonna find a wife if he keeps living with ‘that good for nothing’, and he bites his cheek till he draws blood to distract himself from answering.

His mother doesn’t need to know he doesn’t plan on ‘finding a wife’. The realization hits, however, that he had been very close to revealing Xuanyu’s existence to his mom.

Jiang Cheng might not remember most of that night’s conversation, when Jin Zixuan explained to him his half-brothers’ situation. But he does remember one thing: Zixuan asked him not to tell anything to their mothers. Madam Jin, because she isn’t happy already with what his son is doing to help his siblings. And his mom because.. well. It’s no secret how she feels about ‘strangers’ being in her family.

But they will know at some point, won’t they? When Xuanyu goes to live permanently with his sister.

There is an image in his head. Of his mom praising Jin Ling’s achievements. Of her, scoffing when Xuanyu makes his, and encouraging A-Ling to do better. Of Madam Jin making a big celebration for her grandson, but not for ‘the other kid’ in the house. Of them, pampering A-Ling, as his mom is doing right now, all while ignoring Xuanyu’s existence.

And the thought makes him sick.

It’s not that he doesn’t love A-Ling, that is impossible. He deserves every ounce of love from his family, and he himself will spoil him rotten, the same way he has done with A-Yuan. But he also loves A-Yu, and the thought of him being shrugged off is enough to make his blood boil. He has seen this kid face fears he shouldn’t have in the first place, he has seen him laugh and he has seen him talk after being silent for so long. He has seen the emotional wounds adults have made in a child so young, and yet he has witnessed his smile.

So no, he doesn’t want Xuanyu anywhere near his mother or madam Jin.

They’ve had him for just a few days, but he suddenly doesn’t want those weeks to be over. He wants to keep Xuanyu with them, sheltered in a little bubble of safety, his existence unknown to them. Of course, he knows his sister isn’t their mom, that she would never treat Mo Xuanyu or Jin Ling with anything other than love, and would never allow things to escalate the way it did with Wei Ying and him. He knows .

And yet.

It’s a good thing his phone buzzes in his pocket, because he can feel himself staring at his mom. If she saw him, he really hopes she thinks it’s out of jealousy and not bitterness. He opens a message.

🐦Huaisang🐦

[12:03 p.m.]

        Did you order something? There is a package at the door

Oh, right. That.

Me

Baby monitor for A-Yu. You think you can install it?

        Huaisang

        👍

The rest of his mom’s visit is torture. Jiang Cheng doesn’t get to hold Jin Ling back, and he doesn’t get to sneak out either. He spends the next twenty minutes without new messages, looking at social media –a mistake, there is absolutely nothing that’s not related to the Jins right now– and chewing on his cheek. 

He does get a message after that, just not one he was expecting.

Peacock

[12:23 p.m.]

        Wanna get a coffee? Or lunch?

Me

Where?

        Peacock

        I'm downstairs

This might be the very first time he is actually happy to take lunch with his brother in law. Whether Zixuan is doing this as payment for taking care of his baby brother or not, he doesn’t care. He is just grateful he can flee the asphyxiating atmosphere of the room without having to come up with a half-assed lie to escape from his mom.

Jiang Cheng is questioned when he stands up, but he is lucky Yu Ziyuan lets him leave with a scoff. She isn’t happy with Jin Zixuan either, even if he had nothing to do with what his father did. They were ‘losing face’ after all. It doesn’t seem like she cares who was at fault, nor that Yanli was in danger, nor that her ‘only’ grandchild was in a hospital along with his mother for days. She didn’t even stay with his sister in the hospital overnight, not even once. Even this visit should be a couple of hours long at most.

He finds Jin Zixuan in the lobby. He still looks sleep deprived, dark circles still marring his face in a way his beauty sleep hasn’t apparently been able to fix, but he is– glowing, somehow. Like the tired but very happy new father Jiang Cheng had expected to see when Jin Ling was born, not the very stressed, angry, anxious man he has been the last few days.

He was so eager to flee from his mom that he forgot how awkward it was to actually be with the man in the same room. It is still an improvement though. Jin Zixuan has apparently forgotten things were weird –or is in a very good mood– because he greets him like a normal person.

“Coffee or lunch?” he asks.

Coffee would be less awkward, but the goal is not to return to the room way too soon. 

“Lunch.”

Things do get awkward after that. They are at a very nice, very quiet tiny place not that far from the hospital. The kind of place Huaisang would definitely like going to, with a lot of plants and an ‘artsy’ vibe. However, Zixuan isn’t Huaisang, and they are two dudes who particularly don’t like each other that much, munching over sandwiches and orange juice. 

It is only after they had downed half of their food that Zixuan breaks the silence.

“So,” he starts, looking a little bit too nervous once again. “How are things going with A-Yu?” And fuck, isn’t that a question?

He stops mid-bite, setting his sandwich down on the plate while he mulls over what to answer him. He could lie, say everything has been perfect and that Xuanyu is a perfectly normal kid, or that he is completely over his issues regarding touch. But Zixuan just saved him from his mom, and it's his brother whom they are talking about, so he at least owes him an honest answer.

“As good as you would expect from a traumatized child. He is scared of nearly everything,” to be fair, ‘scared’ is putting it mildly.  

“What do you mean by ‘everything’?”

“Touch. Loud noises. Quick movements. Baths. Being loud. Being by himself on the table. Making a sound while crying. Princess, at first,” he lists, lifting a finger for each one. Zixuan looks more and more mortified the more he talks, and for once, it’s not funny.

He doesn’t mention that that’s only what they have discovered on their own, they really don’t know what else he is afraid of. He prays the list doesn’t get longer.

“Fuck. What did they–? Fuck . I should probably take notes or something–”

Zixuan runs his fingers through his hair, resting his head on his hands, and suddenly he looks miserable. And for all Jiang Cheng isn’t really in the mood to bother his brother-in-law, there is a question that has been eating him alive.

“Did you see them?”

“What?” He lifts his head from his hands to look at him.

“The bruises.”

“Oh,” Zixuan doesn’t look less mortified, but there is a look of understanding. “Not… not personally. He didn’t let me– He didn’t like me touching him, I understood why, later. Social services have photos of them, for the case. I didn’t tell A-Li, of course.”

Jiang Cheng feels a little bit relieved at that. They are doing something about it, at least. He wasn’t quite sure yet what that something was, other than they were taking legal action against them. Somehow, it doesn’t feel enough.

“A-Yu is doing better than the last time you saw him, though,” that makes Zixuan perk up. Jiang Cheng is gonna start feeling queasy if he keeps looking like a kicked puppy. “He is talking, and he lets Huaisang feed him as long as he is on his lap.”

“He is going to need a lot of therapy,” he sighs, absently playing with the edge of his food.

“I thought that was an understatement,” he rolls his eyes.

“Yes, but… I guess I didn’t know how much therapy he was gonna need. I hoped… Well, I hoped it wasn’t that bad.”

He can’t blame him for that. Not even them, who are taking care of Xuanyu, know how bad it is. Not really. The kid had been scolded at best, starved and hit at worst, and he sincerely hoped they never hit Xuanyu, though holding his arms with enough force to leave fucking bruises is damn close.

The conversation dies out almost completely after that. Zixuan looks like he has too much to think about, and Jiang Cheng isn’t feeling any better. They finish their food almost in silence, and even if the conversation soured the mood, Jiang Cheng admits it wasn’t too terrible.

His mom is still in the room when he gets back, along with his father. They are both fixated on Jin Ling, but Jiang Fengmian does try to make small conversation with him. It is always weird to see his father try after so many years of ignoring him, and there is always the nagging doubt of whether he is doing it on his own free will or out of guilt.

Thankfully they don’t stay long after that. Soon it’s just him, his sister and his tiniest nephew enjoying a well deserved quiet afternoon.

At night, his phone buzzes.

🐦Huaisang🐦

[09:56 p.m.]

        ChengCheng 😭

        Why are there so many  instructions???

        I can't figure it out

        It's just a baby monitor, I don't understand

Me

I'll set it up tomorrow. Keep your door open

        Huaisang

        I think I'm just gonna sleep with him

        It's easier

Suddenly it is as if he had been soaked in freezing cold water, panic rushing through his veins. How the fuck did he manage to forget? How did he manage to do that, the very next day after an episode? Huaisang and Princess had been staying at Mingjue’s the nights he had been overnight in the hospital, and now he is stuck in the house by himself with a dog and a toddler.

Me

Fuck, I forgot

Are you gonna be ok?

        Huaisang

        Yeah, a baby is still a person

        No biggie 🫡

Me

Call me if something happens

I mean it Huaisang

        Huaisang

        Dw

        If I feel uneasy I think I can crash at my brother's

        With A-Yu of course

        It should be fine if he doesn't see them

Me

Huaisang

        Huaisang

        I'll call if I really feel bad

        I promise

        Say hi to Yanli-jie and A-Ling for me?

Me

Will do

Goodnight A-Sang

        Huaisang

        Night A-Cheng

        [PHOTO ATTACHED]

        They also say goodnight

He saves the photo on his phone. A-Yu is wearing another bunny onesie, with the hood with ears on, hugging Princess and looking at the camera. He looks a little confused as to why Huaisang took a photo of him. It 's cute.

“You are smiling,” comes the teasing voice of his sister from the bed.

Shit. He forgot he had company.

“No I’m not.”

“Was it A-Sang?” She ignores his sad excuse and uses her big sister rights either way. He rolls his eyes, trying his damn best not to blush.

“He says hi, to you and A-Ling.” 

His sister raises an eyebrow, as if she were to say ‘Try harder’. He endures it about two seconds before he gives up.

“He also sent a photo of A-Yu and Princess.”

Yanli beams, making grabby hands in his general direction.

“That’s more like it. Come come, let me see!”

Jiang Cheng crawls on the bed, careful not to move her too much, and settles himself right next to her shoulder. As soon as he shows her the photo, she is already zooming in.

“Oh A-Cheng, he looks lovely.”

“He is,” he corrects her absentmindedly. And he doesn’t know how deep he just dug his grave until he sees his sister’s face.

Chapter Text

Jiang Cheng hears the sniffs under the door before he even turns the key, a smirk creeping on his lips. He is exhausted and in pain –damn those hospital couches–, but coming home to eager sniffs and a not empty house always puts him in a better mood.

He is, as always, greeted with gentle bumps on his legs and low whines. What is different this time is that while he strokes Princess soft fur,  Huaisang is already waiting for him with Mo Xuanyu at his side. He has his scheming look. He doesn’t trust that look. Before he can say a word, however, Huaisang breaks the silence.

“See? Tall-gege looks tired. Think you can hug it better?” Huaisang looks at Xuanyu, a hand gently ruffling his loose hair, and Xuanyu gets this very determined look on him and nods.

It’s like watching a very tiny adult striding towards him, his brows furrowed like this is a very important task and he should do well. And what else can Jiang Cheng do, except kneel and open his arms?

A-Yu isn’t hesitant, as he expected. Instead, he wraps his little arms around his neck, and when Jiang Cheng squeezes him gently he can feel Xuanyu’s grip tighten a little bit. He then allows himself to properly hug him, to bury his nose in his shoulder. He is trying hard not to tear up at the fact that this is the first time Xuanyu has hugged him by his own will. Well, kinda. Huaisang had to give him a little push.

“Better?”, he asks from where he is leaning on the wall, watching them.

He knows Huaisang is asking for him to praise Xuanyu, but he finds out he actually feels better. Yes, he is still in pain. Yes, he is utterly exhausted. But he also feels less jittery than when he left the hospital, still affected by his mom visiting Yanli the day before. Calm.

“Better,” he says. Huaisang chuckles.

“I told you A-Yu. You give the best hugs.”

He feels relaxed for a good while after that, even when he finds the remains of Huaisang’s failed attempts to install the baby monitor in his room. Well, maybe relaxed isn’t the word. Safe is closer to what he is feeling, after being subjected to so much stress for so long. There is still a big legal mess, but at least his sister is going back home, and his nephew is out of danger. And Xuanyu didn’t seem to fear him anymore.

Jiang Cheng sits on the floor, between all the packaging, the instructions and screws –which are, thankfully, all in one place and not scattered on the floor– and gets to work. He does close the door when he starts drilling holes in his wall, and asks Huaisang to take Xuanyu and Princess to the backyard.

Once he is done installing the camera and the extra microphone, he sets on working on the configuration. It has a surprising amount of settings he can turn on or off depending on whether it would be used on a baby, a toddler or a little kid. Jiang Cheng turns all of them on. He is not going to let something like that first night happen again.

The monitor comes with three devices that will let them hear and see Xuanyu in case he wakes up in the middle of the night. He leaves one in Huaisang’s room, one in the living room, and one in the kitchen. He can also track the camera from his phone as long as the monitor is connected to the internet.

Jiang Cheng calls them back to his room once everything is settled.

The monitor doesn’t go unnoticed to Mo Xuanyu – he eyes it suspiciously– nor Princess –she is sniffing everything. Jiang Cheng thinks it's not because he knows what it is, but because he doesn’t . He isn’t exactly sure how much Mo Xuanyu will understand, but he decides to take Huaisang’s strategy of letting him know what’s gonna happen, so it doesn’t come as much of a surprise for him when it does.

“Come here kiddo, I need to show you something,” Jiang Cheng extends one of his arms from where he is sitting, and Xuanyu goes to him and lets himself be safely held against his body.

He sees Huaisang enter the room and take a seat on his bed, with Princess sitting between his legs.

“I know this wasn’t here last time,” he says, tapping the monitor, “but this is gonna help us take care of you, okay?” He adjusts his arm so he can look at him while he talks. “You are gonna stay with us for a while, and that means we are going to keep you safe. This thing here will help us know if you have nightmares, or if you need us at night. If you are in pain, scared or hungry, you need to tell us so we can help, okay?” Xuanyu is staring at him with big eyes and a hand in his mouth, but he nods. “Good boy,” he kisses his forehead and hugs him close. 

He only gets a few blissful moments of silence with his arms full of baby before Huaisang looks at him with a smirk.

“Hmmm, Dad-Cheng is fully back in the game I see,” comes the teasing remark.

“Shut up,” he glares at him, but that just makes him giggle. He doesn’t even bother with the ‘I’m not a dad, I’m an uncle’ argument anymore. It never works.

“Why? It 's cute,” he shrugs innocently.

“Don’t you have work?” Jiang Cheng asks, mortified.

“A- Cheng! ” He whines, hiding his face in Princess fur, “You are not supposed to remind me!”

He snorts at his theatrics. “Just go. I’ll take care of A-Yu.”

“Fine,” Huaisang gives in, “but I’m taking Princess with me.”

“What? Why?” he asks, startled. He was kind of expecting Princess to be with them all afternoon so Xuanyu could feel safer with him.

“It’s called emotional support, ChengCheng! And,” he carries their fourteen kilogram dog like she weighs nothing, “she is also my muse today.”

Huaisang disappears in the hall and leaves them alone to go on their day together. He turns to Mo Xuanyu, who is looking at him expectantly.

“So? What do you wanna do today kiddo?”

A few minutes later, he finds himself in the living room, trying to figure out how to spend the morning with a three year old. He knows the kid is fond of coloring, but Jiang Cheng himself is terrible at it. No matter how much Huaisang says he has an eye for art, it's clear for him he doesn’t have a hand for it. He learned how to make wood figures but that is as far as his creative skills go. And he is definitely not going to give Xuanyu potentially dangerous tools.

He spends afternoons like these playing pretend with A-Yuan, playing with whatever toy he brought from home or in their backyard. But A-Yu doesn’t really have toys, and the plushies he does have he barely touches. They have tried to play pretend with A-Yu, but so far it has been fruitless. Maybe he needs his nephew’s help for this. A-Yuan has a charm that no kid might resist.

But the problem is, his nephew isn’t there.

“Maybe hide and seek?” he asks Xuanyu, who is kinda looking at him like he doesn’t know what that means. He considers it for a few seconds before discarding the idea. It’s a harmless enough game, but he doesn’t feel comfortable with Xuanyu out of his sight just yet. “Tag…? No. I don’t want you falling. But what if…”

If Xuanyu didn’t have to hide at all. If it wasn’t him who hid.

“A-Yu, do you wanna play a game?” he asks, an idea already formed in his mind.

Xuanyu nods. By now, he understands that playtime is supposed to be fun.

“Ok. This is the game kiddo. I count to… fifteen, and while I’m counting you go and hide this,” he fumbles with his pockets and gives him one of his small highlighters, bright purple. “Deal?”

“Okay,” Xuanyu takes the marker into his tiny hands, and waits for him.

He still looks insecure and he does things just because they ask him to, but he is talking and that is a win in his book. So taking a deep breath, Jiang Cheng covers his eyes.

“One,” he starts to count, and he can hear Xuanyu’s little steps pacing in the living room.

By number six, he hears some shuffling. He peeks a little bit between his fingers, just enough to make sure the kid isn’t going to do something that might hurt him on accident.

Perhaps he didn’t think this through. But at least it is fifteen seconds of not knowing what he is doing instead of minutes of not knowing where he is.

“Fifteen!” He looks at Xuanyu now, who is, surprisingly, right in front of him. “Ok, I am going to find it now. You can’t tell me where it is unless I say “Where is the highlighter?”. But you can tell me yes or no. Got it?”

“Yes!” Xuanyu nods and smiles. He sounds happy . 

And Jiang Cheng would squeeze him right then and there if he wasn’t trying to make this as natural for him as possible. He is glad that even if A-Yu might not know what this kind of game is, he understands that the concept of playing means having a good time.

“Is it… here?” he asks, lifting a cushion.

“No,” Xuanyu answers, his fingers into his mouth. He doesn’t seem nervous though, just comfortable.

Jiang Cheng asks and points to places where he knows Xuanyu couldn’t possibly hide it, like the places that are too tall for short legs and tiny hands. Eventually he thinks he is getting near, because Xuanyu starts to smile. The same kind of smile A-Yuan makes when he is trying to keep his laughter in.

 “Is it… on my head?” he asks, touching his hair. Xuanyu can't stop his laugh this time and answers with a giggly ‘no!’.

“Is it… in your tummy?” he asks, smiling and tickling him a little. 

Xuanyu squeals and squirms, “No! Gege!” 

Jiang Cheng stops tickling him and carries him on his hip. He melts a little bit when Xuanyu immediately loops his arms around his neck. He moves near where he is almost sure the highlighter is, and keeps asking and pointing to places that make Xuanyu laugh.

“Is it here?” he points at the tv table, where there are a few things moved from their place.

“Yes!” A-Yu giggles as Jiang Cheng takes the highlighter from where it's buried.

“Good job baobei!”

“Good job!” A-Yu sing-songs back. He can’t help but kiss his little cheeks, earning another squeal from the kid.

He really should pat himself in the back, he figured out playtime.

“Again?”

Chapter Text

“Mmmm, is it.. here?” Jiang Cheng asks, and Huaisang can hear Xuanyu’s giggles all the way to his studio.

He closes the door with a smile on his face. Where Huaisang would try to figure out how to simultaneously make an activity for A-Yuan and work, Jiang Cheng would ignore his work to do an activity with him. And then pull an all-nighter to finish on time. It is clear for him that between the two of them, Huaisang is not the strongest warrior.

He remembers the first day he was supposed to take care of A-Yu while Jiang Cheng was at work. 

His work had been starting to pile up, with the exposition of his work being in less than two months and a couple of commissioned oil paintings that were still unfinished plus the presentation of his designs for the Nie brand. Between the natural stress of it, the Jin scandal and Jiang Cheng staying at the hospital every few days, he hadn’t been making a significant dent in his workload.

And now they had a very cute and lovable but very traumatized baby to take care of. He loves the kid to pieces, but it would be nice of the universe to not throw everything at once at him, thank you very much.

So, he had gone into his studio with Mo Xuanyu resting on his hip, along with a bird color book, a blank sketchbook, some pencils and one of the smallest color sets he had. He got his own supplies ready, and then he explained what he was doing to the three year old, who limited himself to stare curiously at Huaisang.

Which was already very weird, considering that when he kept an eye for A-Yuan the kid would be already half-listening half-ignoring him at that point.

It had then occurred to him that if the Mos were cruel enough to half starve this child, they would have been cruel enough to not give him things of his own. Xuanyu didn’t have clothes to take back with him, never mind a coloring book, nor colors.

“Hmm. Maybe drawing would be too much of a stretch,” he mused. “But coloring should be okay, right?” he said to the unresponsive three year old, who had his hand shoved into his mouth once again.

That had been back when A-Yu hadn’t been talking yet, so Huaisang had had to rely on body language to communicate with him. It definitely had not helped that Xuanyu had been trying his best to remain as quiet and still as he could.

He had eventually managed to convince him to use the coloring book. Except– well. It had been all kinds of wrong, so utterly unsettling. Xuanyu had done it as if it was a chore and not something meant to be fun . Huaisang had added it to his mental list of ‘things to murder the Mos for’. He also squeezed his brain for ideas about how to make it fun for him. How the hell was he supposed to explain creativity to him, or why coloring was supposed to be a fun activity? It was supposed to be natural! Children loved to draw and color, to use weird combinations and to create things that only existed in their imagination!

Well, his work wasn’t going anywhere. And he wasn’t going to be able to concentrate if Xuanyu was clearly doing something to ‘not bother the adult in the room’, so his work could go to hell. He was exhausted, anyway.

“A-Yu? Can you show me what color the sky is?” he asked, sitting on a cushion on the opposite side of the small table.

Xuanyu watched the row of colors, and shyly pointed to a pale blue. Huaisang hadn’t flinched at his timid expression, almost as if he had expected to be scolded. Instead, he had given him his gentlest smile.

“Ah, what a smart boy! Hmmm but, if the sky could be any color, what color would you paint it?” He leaned his chin on his hand and fiddled with some of the colors, to not look directly at Xuanyu and give him space.

There had been a moment where he thought Xuanyu wasn’t going to act on his question, but his little finger came into his line of vision, pointing to a very lovely shade of pink. He had smiled and given him the color.

“Then do, sweetheart. It’s your book now, the sky can be any color you want. The sky, the leaves, the birds and the fruits. Nothing needs to look like what it does in reality.”

He could only hope his message reached him. With Xuanyu not talking, and him not knowing exactly what he was doing, he had no choice but to hope.

Just in case, he had decided to take a different approach and reach for another one of his books. Bird themed, too, just because he hadn’t wanted to make Xuanyu to feel like his was different. He tried to make it into a game where he asked Xuanyu to pick colors for him, all while Xuanyu was still coloring himself. He had ended up with a very rainbow-colored peacock, and he showed the page to him once he had finished.

“Say, isn’t it pretty?” he had asked, waiting for Mo Xuanyu to look up at him.

He hadn’t been expecting it, but the toddler actually smiled at him, and then showed him his own page back. It had been objectively terrible in the way all kids' drawings are colored, with all the uneven blank spaces and the weird lines of a hand that was still learning how pressure works on paper, and that was exactly what made it adorable.

And the sky was pink.

He smiles, recalling the memory. Maybe he should invest in washable paint. Fill some balloons with it and throw them or poke them on a canvas. If Xuanyu isn’t startled by the sound, that could be potentially fun. Maybe a bit of finger painting. 

Huaisang absently strokes Princess fur while he looks at the unfinished canvas, brush with paint already in hand. He has worked on the commissions, squeezing some working time here and there, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t overwhelmed. It is ridiculous, because he knows that any other day he would have been able to finish quickly. A week at most, considering the time the paint took to dry between working sessions. But the problem is, he doesn’t want to work on these at the moment. He longs to work on his gallery, his fingers itching to sketch a new scene for the new ideas he’s been having lately, and it stresses him so much to think he can’t .

So he doesn’t, or at least, he tries not to. 

There is another reason, besides him being on the verge of a panic attack, for Princess being there with him. What he told Jiang Cheng wasn’t a lie, one of his commissions had a dog in it and Princess was the perfect model. It’s not even the same breed, but he can see and adjust the lighting of the room in a way he has a real life reference for fur.

It’s a couple of hours later, and when he has to paint skin, that he has a meltdown. 

He really doesn’t want to watch the half finished face, so he slips from his stool all the way to the floor and buries his nose in Princess’ fur, half hugging her, half scrolling on his phone until he finds what he is looking for.

A-Cheng

[3:30 p.m.]

Me

I’m ordering soup

Not lotus soup

Until Yanli-Jie is back

What else do I order?

The thing is, Huaisang isn’t a soup guy. Not unless he is sick, or if he is especially stressed. Which he is. And growing up with the Jiangs meant soup. On rainy days, on sad days, on special days. And soup, in Huaisang’s life, now means comfort. Home.

But he isn’t going to order Lotus soup when Jiang Yanli isn't working. The Jiangs are right. It doesn’t taste the same.

        A-Cheng

        Fuck

        You need me to go in there?

Me

Yes

No

…I don’t know

Can we pretend it’s nothing?

        A-Cheng

        …Ok. 

        Whatever you need, A-Sang

Me

I need foooood

But what else?

        A-Cheng

        Ask for congee and shrimp dumplings

        Liangpi too

Me

👍

He sends the order to Mianmian and lays flat on the floor, staring at the ceiling while he waits. Surely Jiang Cheng would come to fetch him once the food gets there. He isn’t being overly dramatic, is he? Huaisang thinks he is in all his right to silently cry while spacing out and watching the dry droplets of paint that somehow managed to get all the way up there. Everything has been shitty lately and he is overwhelmed. He deserves to be a little bit dramatic over this.

His fur baby, however, doesn’t think the same. The moment he starts crying, Princess is over him, whining and licking him, accidentally putting her paw on his stomach and effectively making him breathless. 

Once he gets his lungs back to work, he starts to struggle with her. “Ok, ok! I’m not crying! Get off!”

And he is really lucky Princess is the most obedient dog he knows, because when he manages to sit up, she is looking at him expectantly. Like a scolded child. And the view is so ridiculous that he ends up laughing and hugging her close.

Yeah. Maybe it’s going to be fine after all.

Chapter Text

Nie Huaisang wakes up some hours later in the middle of the night. It takes him a couple of moments to make sense of what exactly made him wake up, until he hears a sniffle from the speaker.

“Fuck,” he can barely hear Jiang Cheng cursing since his door is almost closed, but he definitely hears his heavy steps rushing to where Xuanyu is sleeping.

And Huaisang could afford to fall back asleep, honestly, now that an adult is taking care of the situation. But they are both a tad protective of the kid and he ends up getting up too. Just in case.

He finds Jiang Cheng sitting on the edge of the bed, talking in a soft voice, trying to coax Mo Xuanyu out of the blanket. The light that comes from the window is just enough for him to see his silhouette and the weird little shape Xuanyu makes under the covers.

“He can’t see you like that,” he mumbles, voice still rough from sleep, and then turns the night lamp on.

Even with the lights on they can barely see him. Xuanyu is curled under the blankets like it's a cocoon and they can only see part of his nose and his big watery eyes staring back at them. Everything in Huaisang is screaming for him to reach and hug him. Which means everything in Jiang Cheng is urging him to do the same. He watches as the taller man sighs and forces himself to keep his hands on his lap.

“It is okay baobei, it was just a nightmare. Do you want a hug?” Jiang Cheng offers instead.

It marvels him how natural this is to Jiang Cheng. He had reached for him the time he had a meltdown over a bath, but he is giving him space now because he is spooked.

Xuanyu sniffles once more and then he slowly crawls out of his cocoon and extends his arms to Jiang Cheng. He has him in his arms the next moment, and Huaisang watches as he stands and bounces Xuanyu a little, giving him gentle pats on his back. Like a baby.

And fuck. Xuanyu didn’t get to really spend time as a proper baby, did he? He was probably manhandled to behave as someone older just so he wouldn’t bother the Mos. With his heart aching, Huaisang walks towards them and gently moves Xuanyu’s hair out of his face.

“Do you want warm milk sweetheart?” he asks softly. He sees Jiang Cheng give him a weird little smile and decides to ignore him. Xuanyu shakes his head from where he has made a wet patch on Jiang Cheng’s shoulder. “Do you want us to sleep with you?”

“Mhm,” A-Yu mumbles. And it warms his heart that his little bird isn’t going back to be completely silent while in distress.

“Then we sleep with you, love,” he kisses his forehead and gently dries his tears, now that it seems he is calming down a bit. “I’ll go for my pillow.”

Jiang Cheng goes back to gently bounce Xuanyu around the room when he goes out in search of his pillow, but by the time Huaisang comes back, he is just gently rocking him while he hums a lullaby. 

It has been years since his teenage crush grew to be something else, and Huaisang has long accepted that whatever the other man does, it’s gonna do things to his heart. But seeing him like this, child in his arms and hair ruffled from sleep, has always been its own brand of special. So of course he does the only reasonable thing: he leans on the door and observes for as long as Jiang Cheng doesn’t notice.

He gets about two minutes before he is caught watching him. Jiang Cheng stops in his tracks but he doesn’t stop humming, he just turns around and pretends he isn’t there. Which is a very logical response, because normally Huaisang would have made a Dad-Cheng joke, but there is something about this that stops him from even wanting to do so.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to startle him,” he says instead, ignoring whatever longing that has settled in his chest.

A-Yu is almost asleep when they settle on the bed. He stirs up for a moment, but he calms down once Jiang Cheng reassures him they are gonna stay with him. The kid is between them just so he can see them both in case he wakes up again, and he is gently holding Huaisang’s hand, just as Jiang Cheng has his own on the kid’s shoulder.

And just like that, they sleep.

Nie Huaisang stares blearily at a sleeping Jiang Cheng and Mo Xuanyu. They all drifted closer in their sleep, with Mo Xuanyu pressed to Jiang Cheng’s chest, and Huaisang with an arm over both of them. Princess too has made her way to them at some point at night, judging by the weight near his legs. He blinks slowly, not yet entirely awake, just so he can see them more clearly. After all, it's not often that he wakes up before Jiang Cheng.

There is something special about watching them both sleep, their features relaxed, as if they both know they are safe. There is no fear in Xuanyu and no anger in Jiang Cheng. He doesn’t know how much time he spends like that, just watching. Honestly, he should probably get up. Or go back to sleep.

He squeezes them gently instead, inhaling their scent.

Mo Xuanyu groans softly and then snuggles closer to Jiang Cheng, still asleep. Huaisang kisses the top of his head and then moves closer as well. Between the both of them, they are kind of squishing Xuanyu a little bit, but the kid doesn’t seem to mind. He does feel Jiang Cheng stir up.

“You are awake early,” Wanyin whispers in his hair.

“ ‘ts cold,” Huaisang lies.

And the thing is, he knows this fragile spell like the back of his hand. As long as he isn’t completely awake or he is vulnerable, these moments of tenderness can exist in a liminal space. As long as he can pretend he doesn't yearn for more, things can keep being the same between them. As long as it’s just in these moments, he won’t lose him.

There had been a time, once, when Jiang Cheng had almost confessed his feelings to him. Almost, because Huaisang didn’t let him, already having a hunch about where the conversation was going.

The truth is, Huaisang had loved him way before that, but it hadn’t been the right time. Not with Mingjue that sick. Not with Huaisang so emotionally unstable.

‘A-Cheng, not now,’ he had sobbed, clinging to Jiang Cheng’s sweater on that cold winter afternoon. ‘Not with– I need time. Please.’

And Jiang Cheng had held him close, all while whispering ‘It’s okay’ again and again while he cried because he wanted and wanted and wanted .

So that had been then. And now, years later, without them bringing it up ever , sometimes it feels like it was a dream or a hallucination. And then, he can’t help it when every once in a while his anxiety starts crawling under his skin, whispering his deepest fears like they are a mantra.

After all, didn’t that happen when they were young? Jiang Cheng didn’t make another attempt after that, and Huaisang is too scared to try himself. So he plays safe and cherishes these moments like the most precious, well-kept secret instead.

It feels more terrifying after Mo Xuanyu got into their lives, somehow. He knows they will continue seeing him, and will probably babysit him constantly, and yet there is this… feeling that keeps nagging him like an itch he can’t quite scratch. Huaisang isn’t one to get overly attached to situations –those can change, it’s safer not to get used to them–,  let alone people. Yes, he might be a social butterfly and be the light of a party, and he has a fair number of hook-ups under his sleeve, but there is a good reason why his real friend circle is so small. It gives him less to lose.

He snaps out of his musing when he feels Jiang Cheng shift to check on the clock, and then leave his side of the blankets.

“I’ll go make breakfast, okay?” he tells him, voice rough from sleep.

“M’kay,” he brings Xuanyu closer to him for warmth.

If Jiang Cheng runs a hand through Huaisang’s hair before leaving, neither of them mentions it. And if Huaisang lingers in the feeling of it for another ten minutes while curled around Mo Xuanyu, wishing this wasn’t another liminal space… It's only for him to know.

Things settle into a rhythm after that morning, something resembling a routine of sorts. Jiang Cheng starts making and having breakfast with them with the excuse of putting more calories in Xuanyu and preventing Huaisang from going all day without breakfast. He also spends the days he would typically be at the hospital working from home and taking care of A-Yu, now that Yanli is at her house finally settling down with A-Ling, which in turn has given Nie Huaisang time to actually work on his projects without feeling guilty or wondering if Xuanyu feels lonely.

They also have received help from Jiang Cheng’s therapist as to how to get around Xuanyu’s triggers, so there have been fewer incidents than the first week. The nightmares continue, of course. They are not as frequent now, but almost every night one of them would have issues. If it wasn’t Xuanyu, then it was Huaisang startling awake in the middle of the night, jittery enough to get up and sneak into his bed. He thankfully hasn’t had another panic attack, but his anxiety isn’t doing him any favors.

Their makeshift routine breaks on a night like any other, halfway through the third week, while he is in the middle of his short face-care routine. It might be the accumulated anxiety or this weird dance they’ve had every other night, but when he gets out of the bathroom and sees Jiang Cheng with his arms full of blankets, he can’t take it anymore.

“A-Cheng, can you please stop?” he pleads from the hallway, the exhaustion seeping into his voice.

Jiang Cheng, of course, looks at him as if he had grown a third head, utterly confused. And gods above, he loves this man but sometimes he can’t understand how he can be so dense and obnoxious.

“Stop what?” Wanyin freezes, not quite sure how to react.

“This!” he flails his hands around like an angry chicken, motioning the blankets and the couch.

“You don’t like sleeping in the living room so I–” Jiang Cheng frowns at him.

"So you try to sleep here even if you don't like it either just so I don't have to, but then we end up sleeping in the same bed anyway Jiang Cheng!" He is getting more worked up every second this circular conversation goes on and he doesn't even know why. Huaisang knows Jiang Cheng is not being deliberately obtuse. He knows he is doing this with Huaisang’s comfort in mind but it just manages to make him more upset at... Huaisang doesn't even know at what. 

Objectively, things are getting better: His work is no longer the source of his anxiety. He has been keeping tabs on the Jin scandal, so he knows the media attention is finally starting to subside and Jin Zixuan has indeed taken legal action against the Mo’s. A-Yu has gained a few pounds, still thin but at least with a healthy glow and some of the baby fat he lost finally showing. There is no reason for Huaisang to feel on the verge of yet another breakdown and yet here he is, snapping at Jiang Cheng for sleeping on the couch.

Jiang Cheng has probably managed to read into his body language and his desperate tone, because he drops the blankets and takes a step towards Huaisang.

"Hey, hey. Let's sit down," Jiang Cheng grabs his arm, gently pulling Huaisang towards him.

Huaisang breathes hard and follows him to the couch.

"I know you need your space, and I want A-Yu to be able to sleep alone—eventually. That's why I try to stay on the couch first and–"

"A-Cheng I don't mind sharing space with you, you ridiculous man! That's not what's bothering me!" Huaisang knows he sounds a bit hysterical but he can’t help it.

"Then what is it?"

And that makes him stop. It’s like they are three weeks back in time, the same place, almost the same hour. Except this time the question is directed at him.

And wouldn’t it be wonderful if he actually knew what’s wrong with him?

“Everything. Nothing. I– I don’t know. I don’t like not knowing,” he brings his legs close to his chest, a little bit shaky. Jiang Cheng squeezes his shoulder gently.

“Hey, breathe.”

So he does, in and out, long enough to push the panic attack away. And meanwhile, he starts trying to make sense of his stupid train of thoughts. Why does Jiang Cheng sleeping on the couch bother him so much?

“At first…” he breaks the silence after a couple of minutes, thinking out loud. “At first I was frustrated that you were set on being uncomfortable on the couch. I know why you do that, but you didn’t have to, either. But then a couple of nights after, I was convinced it was you who needed the space. Which is totally fine, hell broke loose and all, and suddenly you don’t have access to your room. And then…” he trails off.

The room is silent again, so after some moments, Jiang Cheng prompts, “And then?”

“And then we started sleeping together more often than not. Fuck ,” he whispers, once all pieces fall in place. “It is that, isn’t it?” He springs up and starts pacing anxiously. “I don’t like not knowing, and every night I go to bed not knowing how it will go. Will I be with both of you when I open my eyes? Will I startle awake? Will I wake up alone feeling like the darkness is gonna swallow me whole?” He is almost yelling and he is so, so grateful that the walls are soundproof because the last thing he wants is for A-Yu to hear him. “This is so stupid!”

“A-Sang– stop ,” Jiang Cheng stands up and wraps him in his arms, pressing him against his chest. 

Huaisang can feel the tears of frustration pricking his eyes. He really, really wishes he didn’t need so much stability. He wishes he didn’t need to feel things are under his control, to be able to let go of things that are not, but he can’t. They know he needs therapy. Jiang Cheng has recommended his therapist to him multiple times , but he is just not ready at all. He still doesn’t wanna touch that subject, nor reopen that wound in a million years.

“It isn’t stupid. Huaisang, both of you went through a lot,” he chides.

“I am so tired , A-Cheng,” he sags against him, finally giving in and hugging him back.

“I know,” Huaisang can feel him running his fingers through his hair, calming him down.

Only when he manages to get his breathing back to normal, and after a few moments of silence, does he dare to speak again.

“This is dumb, but… will you go to bed with me?” He mumbles against his shirt. Jiang Cheng squeezes him harder.

“Yes.”

Chapter Text

After that night, things seem to be truly settling at home. Nie Huaisang tenses the first night he sees Jiang Cheng with his pillow in his arms, but relaxes once he sees him put it on his bed instead of the couch. They usually go to sleep on opposite sides of the bed, except on the now rare occasions when Huaisang feels especially jittery, but they eventually and unmistakably drift to each other (both of them being sleep cuddlers), much to Jiang Cheng’s dismay.

Which, don’t take him wrong, Jiang Cheng loves to wake up with all his limbs tangled with Huaisang’s, he always has, but the prolonged exposure to the infuriating man is slowly chipping away at his resolve of not doing something stupid, like biting his pouty morning lips just to see what will happen. Huaisang asked him for time once, when shit hit the fan all those years ago. Whether to gently set him down or because he wasn’t ready, time is what Jiang Cheng has tried to give him.

Besides, the fact that Huaisang seems to be doing better now that he at least has the certainty he isn’t going to wake up alone, doesn’t mean things are fine . Jiang Cheng knows better than to believe that.

There had been a clear before and after when Nie Mingjue got sick, one they had the hopes it would go away but never did, not even they got the news that Mingjue was cancer-free. Yes, when the nightmare was over Huaisang seemed to be back, but not all of him.

Permanent change didn’t come in the rage outbursts he had, nor the daily sleepless nights, nor the way his head always seemed in the clouds during that time. It hadn’t been when Huaisang cut his hair in a fit, a bit shorter than when they’d first met when they were teenagers.

No, that went away for the most part.

It had been afterwards, in the way Huaisang detached himself from potential heartbreaks. The way he would treat the birds he rescued clinically, and would only give in and melt once he knew they were going to survive. The way Jiang Cheng could tell when he was really smiling, and when he was being cautious. The way Huaisang lost his genuine carefree attitude and seemed to not take anything for granted, not even them. The deep-bone fear, always present, of losing someone.

It’s not like Huaisang hadn’t been… different from other teenagers, when they first met. There had always been something hiding under his whiney, cheerful persona, no doubt a consequence of their parent’s early death and Nie Mingjue raising Nie Huaisang by himself. Honestly, things would have been a lot worse if Lan Xichen hadn’t bullied Nie Mingjue into letting them help, and as a result, turning the Lans and the Nies into a single family.

In Jiang Cheng’s opinion, Huaisang had always been a very enigmatic and magnetic person. He could fool almost everyone into thinking he was useless and ignorant – a tool used more often than not to get what he wanted-, yet Jiang Cheng knew the wit hiding beneath those green eyes. He also knew how fierce his loyalty was, and how bright his strength shone when he had something to protect.

It had been heartbreaking for him to see that shine dull under a haunted look and sunken eyes. And when everything was over, it was like Huaisang was trying to piece himself back together without help, and failing for the most part. It isn’t that Jiang Cheng (or everyone, really) hadn’t tried to help him, it is that every time they do, Huaisang takes great offense at the implication that he isn’t able to put his shit back together by himself.

And if there is a person who knows firsthand how that feels, it’s Jiang Cheng. Regardless, haunted is a look he doesn’t want in Huaisang’s face ever again.

So things are not fine, but they dull to an almost relaxed state after some days instead of the steady anxious crescendo Huaisang had going on for the past weeks. So relaxed in fact, that they finally decide this is a good weekend to try and introduce Xuanyu to other kids his age – at his therapist’s insistence – at the park. They are not exactly thrilled, mainly because this can be yet another trigger they are unaware of, but they also know this is a crucial step for him, no matter how much both of them want to keep him in their safety bubble.

This brings them to their current predicament, with Huaisang gushing over Mo Xuanyu’s outfit near their door.

“Awww, look how cute my baby bird is!” he croons, admiring him in his white puffy jacket with a blue bunny printed on the front and black pants. If he hears when Jiang Cheng takes a photo, he just ignores it the same way Jiang Cheng has ignored him when he is caught doing the same.

It has been a cold morning, so Xuanyu is bundled up in several layers underneath his outfit to make up for the baby fat he is still missing, they really don’t want him getting sick with his tendency to run cold.

Jiang Cheng is getting ready near the front door, with Princess walking excitedly between his legs, barely pretending he isn’t watching how Huaisang turns to mush while admiring the toddler. He bends over and is almost done tying his shoelaces when Huaisang’s ringtone goes off.

“Yes?” Huaisang asks, phone pressed against his shoulder while he puts a hat on Xuanyu. “Wait, now?” He picks up the phone properly and looks alarmed at Jiang Cheng, who feels a spike of anxiety. “Da-Ge, we are on our way out! Can’t you come tomorrow?” A silence, “I haven’t been ignoring you! I’ve been busy! ”

Xuanyu has drifted from Huaisang and is now raising his arms in front of Jiang Cheng and very quietly asks, “Up?”

Jiang Cheng tries not to melt on the spot and fails, so he picks him up and lets him rest on his hip while they wait for whatever nonsense is going on between the brothers to end.

“ Fine. We are going to the park,” he rolls his eyes. Jiang Cheng is pretty sure he picked that from him. “Uh-huh. Love you.”

The moment Huaisang ends the call he gives him a very exasperated look from where he is kneeling on the floor, and Jiang Cheng only lifts his eyebrow in response.

“He couldn’t take no for an answer, he is meeting us at the park. If he makes him cry, I’m kidnapping Baxia for a month,” Huaisang begrudgingly picks up his sports bag and walks towards the door.

“Wait, he knows about A-Yu?” He trails after Huaisang and watches as he opens the back door for them. Princess hops in the car the moment it’s open.

“Not directly,” he confesses, leaning on the side of the car while Jiang Cheng straps Xuanyu to their newly acquired baby seat. “But Wangji knows, and unless I tell him it’s a secret, Er-Ge knows, and if he does then Da-Ge also knows. I wasn’t expecting him to show up the day we decided to finally bring Xuanyu to the park, though.”

“So you are in trouble,” he concludes.

“It’s Da-Ge, I’m always in trouble.” Jiang Cheng snorts.

“Come on, get in the car.”

The park is relatively close to their home. Jiang Cheng walks there with Princess on the weekends without taking the car, but Huaisang has never been a sporty person, and he isn’t going to make a three-year-old walk that distance either, so the car seems like the best option. Besides, this time they brought food and toys so not having to carry those all the way to the park is also a welcome addition.

They know Xuanyu hasn’t gone to the park ever, if they go by his lack of reaction when they told him where they were going. He seems to be happy in the back seat while playing with Princess, and happy when they get there while they walk through the roads, a little hand in each of theirs.

He stops being that happy when they reach the playground, both of them feeling the little tug at the same time when Xuanyu stops walking, making them stop with him.

“Hey, what’s wrong buddy?” Jiang Cheng asks when Xuanyu takes one step back in response, away from the playground. He kneels in front of him so he can be at his height, and gently caresses his cheek. “You don’t want to play with the other kids?”

“No,” Xuanyu already has teary eyes, his lip wobbling while he tries not to cry.

“Is it scary?” Huaisang asks, mirroring his position on the other side of Xuanyu. The child nods. “Oh, baobei. Do you need a hug?”

“Mhm,” he answers with sadness and opens his arms. Huaisang has him on his hip the next moment, giving him gentle pats while he cries quietly.

They’ve been working on this. Before, they would try to guess what is that scares A-Yu, but Jiang Cheng’s therapist told them they had to gently encourage him to tell them how he feels. Being an abused child with no safe space meant they needed to give him one. Safe adults he can go to when things are not going well that will support him, while also being mindful that they shouldn’t force him to talk when he isn't ready because that would shatter the trust he has in them.

“Hey, what have we told you about being scared?” Jiang Cheng prompts gently, drying his tears.

“ ‘ts ok,” Xuanyu mumbles.

“And?” Huaisang asks.

“I don’t get hurt,” he sniffles.

“Yes, it’s okay to be scared and we won’t let you get hurt, right?” Jiang Cheng waits until Xuanyu nods to continue, “Good. Can you tell me what makes it scary?”

The toddler frowns a little and looks at the playground, just watching for a moment.

“It’s loud,” he says, still watching. Jiang Cheng can see how the shrieks of children who are having fun can be scary for him, especially when loud things had meant bad things when he hadn't been with them. “He is crying,” he adds, pointing at a kid who just tripped and scratched his hands on the fall, and who is now openly bawling for his mom. Xuanyu visibly tenses and hugs Huaisang’s neck, hiding his face.

“Hey, it’s okay love. Kids cry so their parents can go and make it better. See?” Huaisang rubs his back, but encourages him gently to look back at the playground.

Xuanyu turns in time to see a woman pick up her crying child, kissing his cheeks and bouncing him around. She even makes him giggle by tickling his tummy, and then she puts him down so she can check his hands.

They obviously know the Mo’s hurt Xuanyu, the bruises he arrived with an undeniable sign of that; however, they don’t know for certain to what extent. They had been asking him, trying to figure out what made them yell and what made them forcibly move him around, but there was this nagging feeling they’d had since Xuanyu came home about him being silent.

If he doesn’t wanna answer Jiang Cheng won’t press, but he doesn’t stop himself from asking what they’ve been thinking about for weeks.

“A-Yu, the people you were with before you stayed with us… They hurt you when you cried?” Jiang Cheng sees Huaisang’s jaw clench when Xuanyu looks at the ground.

“I was loud,” he sniffles, “Xuanyu was bad.”

Jiang Cheng should really have gotten used to the visceral reaction he has for the Mo’s, but he really isn’t. He expects them to be shit, but it doesn’t make it any easier. He does school his expression to something neutral, instead of the scowl that it's fighting to get to his face, and hugs Xuanyu, hugging Huaisang in the process.

“No, you are not bad,” he kisses his forehead. “You are not bad, ok? You are safe, and we are not gonna hurt you. We are going to do our best so nothing hurts you either, yeah?”

He doesn’t know if the small nod he gets in return is truly an affirmation or just a consequence of Xuanyu sniffling, but nevertheless both of them take onto the task of comforting him until he calms down. It honestly takes just a few minutes but they feel like an eternity with how desperate they are to make it stop hurting.

The whole time Princess has been drawing circles around them, being very sensitive to their distress. She nuzzles every hand or every little foot she has access to, not understanding what is going on but in a very obvious attempt to comfort them. Thankfully, Xuanyu catches on with her attempts and gets distracted from his crying in favor of petting her.

Eventually, Xuanyu seems to forget what he was crying about and he leans down to reach Princess better in a funny angle that has Jiang Cheng holding his little body so he doesn’t fall over. They end up putting him down, and Xuanyu starts doing this little game he has with Princess where he puts his palm on her nose and she licks it and he giggles, no doubt feeling tickled. It always leaves his hands drooly, and honestly, it’s a little gross, but it’s ten times better than seeing him in distress.

Huaisang has been absently stroking Xuanyu’s hair and looking towards the playground with a thoughtful frown.

“Hey baobei?” he asks, making sure Xuanyu is looking at him before continuing, “Remember that time when you were scared of bath time but then bath time was very fun?”

Jiang Cheng can see now where his thoughts are heading. Xuanyu merely nods, seemingly unsure of where this conversation is going.

“Bath time and parks are very fun but sometimes we feel they are very scary. You don’t have to play with the kids if you don’t want to, but will you be okay if we lay down and watch for a bit?” Nie Huaisang is using one of the techniques Jiang Cheng’s psychologist has suggested, scaling down whatever it is that scares him by offering him another choice that may make him a bit uncomfortable but not as uncomfortable as the first one.

He is also giving him time to think about it. Xuanyu might not understand the entirety of why they are asking him to do something, but he seems to consider it and reach the conclusion that just looking is fine.

They lay their blanket under a tree whose leaves have fallen enough for them to still have a bit of sunlight but that still provides with a little shade. They are on a hill, far enough that the excited shrieks of the kids are not too loud, but close enough to still have a perfect view of the playground while keeping their bubble of privacy. 

“Are you hungry baobei?” Nie Huaisang asks as he takes their egg-salad sandwiches out of the bag.

“Mn!” he answers, as he patiently waits for Jiang Cheng to finish helping him clean his hands with a wet wipe before taking the sandwich Nie Huaisang is holding for him.

They don’t mention how Mo Xuanyu has yet to say no to that question, or how he still doesn’t ask them for food himself. Jiang Cheng feels a bit of comfort in the little steps they’ve taken, knowing at least he is steadily gaining weight and no longer eats like he is starving. He is also glad that Xuanyu doesn’t feel the need all the time to be on either of their laps while eating, although he misses it.

Their meal isn’t entirely quiet. There is the laughter of children and also the sound of the birds filling the air, along with the sound of them eating. They look over at Xuanyu, who is in turn looking towards the playground, eating his sandwich while absently stroking Princess' fur with his other hand. 

“Should I talk with my brother?” Nie Huaisang asks, low enough for only them to hear. 

“Do you think it will help?” he asks instead. 

He has been thinking about what is the better way to introduce Mo Xuanyu to Nie Mingjue for the better part of an hour, but they can’t shrink him into something not resembling a mountain of a man, and he is running out of ideas.

“I don’t know. From my brother’s side, maybe. But how do we tell him?” He points his chin to Xuanyu, who has apparently lost his interest in the kids and keeps eating while playing with a dry leaf.

Jiang Cheng sighs heavily. “I think it doesn’t matter. So far he has been scared of things we think are harmless, and he has been brave with things we thought would trigger him.”

“Like Princess.”

“Like Princess,” he agrees. “We can try to explain to him when your brother arrives, but he should be fine as long as he is with us.” At least, he hopes so.

After a couple of moments, Nie Huaisang chuckles. “A-Cheng! You didn’t even let him see Wangji!” Jiang Cheng can feel his cheeks heating up.

“Of course not, it was the first week! And you didn’t let him see Wangji either!” he argues back, pushing Nie Huaisang’s shoulder with his when the man keeps laughing.

“My point exactly! Jiang Cheng, we haven’t even let him see your brother. Help me think how to make it less traumatic for the kid, please.”

“I can distract him while you talk with- A-Yu!” He chides him gently.

They had cleaned Xuanyu’s drooly hands but it seems it was for nothing because halfway through their talk he started tearing off bits of his egg-salad sandwich and sharing them with Princess. Wen Qing says it's okay to let him get a bit of germs in him so he can develop his immune system but it is still a little gross.

Jiang Cheng, however, is worried about him sharing more of his food than he should.

“We don’t give bread to the dog,” he tells him when the child looks at him.

“Princess eats too!” Xuanyu says with a pout that has no right to be as adorable as it is.

He fights a smile and fails when he hears Nie Huaisang break into a bubbly laugh. “You brat!” 

“Uh-oh,” Mo Xuanyu stands up the moment Jiang Cheng does, and starts running away from him while laughing.

It doesn’t take longer than a few seconds for Jiang Cheng to catch him, tickling him and making him shriek the moment he has him in his hands.

The air is filled with laughter.

Chapter Text

“What are you thinking about?” Nie Huaisang asks him drowsily after lunch.

They are leaning against each other, Jiang Cheng resting his head on Huaisang’s, and his resting on his shoulder. They sometimes do this when they eat in the living room on the weekends, with whatever TV show Huaisang is watching that month as background noise. Except they are outside and there is no TV, only them silently watching as Mo Xuanyu and Princess play with dry leaves.

“I want him to get better. I want him to sleep on his own most of the time and to say when he is hungry and maybe to win a kid's fight or two.”

Nie Huaisang hums and shifts closer, closing his eyes. “That would be nice. For him to defend himself. Or others.”

“Or others,” he agrees. “And I want Jin Ling to grow up, so we can bring them all to the park,” he feels Nie Huaisang chuckle.

“You are gonna compete for the ‘cool uncle’ title with A-Ying, aren’t you?”

Jiang Cheng huffs, “I am the cool uncle, what are you talking about?”

“In A-Yuan’s case, you are also competing with Da-ge,” he reminds him.

“...Yeah, I am. Fuck.”

Nie Huaisang’s bubbly laugh and his own musings about bringing the kids to the park only distract him for a few minutes, but by the time he can see Nie Mingjue from a distance, Jiang Cheng has already made himself worried sick. This is the very first time they are gonna introduce him to someone after they sheltered him in his little safety bubble, and Jiang Cheng has thought about five different worst-case scenarios at the very least. Maybe he should have let Wei Wuxian meet the kid before. Sure, his brother is loud but Nie Mingjue is loud and big and if he is being honest with himself, he had been a bit scared of the man back when he was a kid. Xichen would have been a safer option. Maybe even Wang–

“Da-ge!” 

Nie Huaisang leaps to his feet the moment he sees his brother and dashes downhill towards him. Of course, the moment he leaves, Princess forgoes Xuanyu’s caresses in favor of following him, leaving the toddler unsure of what to do about it.

“It’s fine buddy,” Jiang Cheng walks to Xuanyu and squeezes his shoulder, pulling him towards him, “they are just saying hello.”

Nie Huaisang intercepts his brother far enough for Jiang Cheng not to be able to understand what they are talking about. He can still tell he is warning him because Nie Mingjue is nodding along, but he also makes Huaisang run a hand through his hair in exasperation, and then Huaisang threatens him before they start making their way back toward them. Princess is moving around them very excitedly, and now that Huaisang isn’t blocking the view, Jiang Cheng can see why.

Right in Mingjue’s arms, and her fur blending with the color of her owner’s jacket, it’s Baxia. The maine-coon’s attention is fixed on Princess, but Jiang Cheng knows she won’t make an attempt to jump down until Mingjue lets her.

Nie Mingjue walks behind his brother purposely keeping his distance, letting Nie Huaisang approach the toddler first.

Huaisang kneels for a moment, taking Xuanyu’s free hand in his and rubbing it gently. “A-Yu, I want you to meet someone, is that ok?” He waits until Xuanyu seems to consider it, and nods hesitantly. 

Had he said no, Jiang Cheng knows Nie Huaisang would have made his brother go, no questions asked. And instead of letting Mingjue walk towards him, Huaisang walks back and grabs one of his arms.

“This is my Da-ge, Nie Mingjue. He kept me safe and took care of me when I was growing up, just like we take care of you.” Jiang Cheng thinks he sees Nie Mingjue’s eyes mist. It’s definitely not a secret that Mingjue basically raised Huaisang by himself, but judging by his reaction, it feels like this is the first time Huaisang has acknowledged it in front of him.

Mo Xuanyu looks skeptical. They are aware that by now he understands what ‘taking care of’ means, but he is still distrustful. He ends up hiding behind Jiang Cheng, very much in the way he did with Zixuan when he met them the first time.

Nie Mingjue crouches at his level but doesn’t get near him, lovingly petting Princess with one hand to keep her away from Baxia for a moment longer. “It’s ok little guy. I just wanna chat for a bit with my baby brother. Do you wanna play with Baxia instead?” He is still loud and he doesn’t quite sound soft, but the way he talks with Mo Xuanyu is the same Jiang Cheng has heard him use when comforting his brother.

And Xuanyu might be apprehensive about everyone, but he has learned that animals are safe. So it’s no wonder why he slowly gets out from behind Jiang Cheng and timidly reaches out to pet Baxia’s long fur with a small smile. It’s not directed to him but Nie Mingjue smiles anyway.

“Did you know Baxia and Princess are best friends?” he asks, and this time Xuanyu looks directly at him.

“No,” Mo Xuanyu seems fascinated with her fur, his hand never leaving it while talking with Nie Mingjue.

“Sometimes they stay at my house and they play together, and sometimes when I need to go away for work they stay with my didi. Ah, but it’s been a while since they’ve seen each other,” he says, giving a meaningful look to Huaisang, “Do you want to take care of Baxia for a few days for me? Then maybe the three of you can play together.”

Xuanyu looks back at Jiang Cheng, looking a bit overwhelmed.

“It’s ok if you want to, baobei,” he smiles at him in a way he hopes it’s reassuring. Mo Xuanyu looks back at Baxia and nods.

“Aww, look at my baby bird, having his very first sleepover!” Huaisang coos over Xuanyu, kissing his cheeks and making him giggle. Jiang Cheng isn’t sure if this counts as a sleepover but it’s certainly the closest thing Xuanyu has probably had.

“And speaking of babies,” Nie Mingjue leaves Baxia on the floor, Princess immediately nuzzling her face, and grabs his brother by the shoulder, “A-Sang.”

Outraged, Nie Huaisang gasps, “Da-ge! I’m not a baby!”

“You didn’t answer your phone for more than a week and you’ve been avoiding me instead of being an adult and at least sending me a message, so yes, I believe you are still a baby,” Nie Mingjue deadpans.

“I told you! I’ve been busy! ”

“Mhm, whatever you say, didi. Come on,” he helps Nie Huaisang stand and then nods to Jiang Cheng in a greeting. “Wanyin.”

“Mingjue,” he nods back.

He watches as Nie Huaisang is dragged to the shade of a tree far enough to give them privacy, and then turns his attention to Mo Xuanyu.

“Hey baobei, wanna see something fun?” Jiang Cheng asks conspirationally and waits until the kid gives him a big smile. He then picks up a nearby stick and loudly asks, “Hey girls!”

Princess looks up at him excitedly while Baxia eyes him expectantly.

“Do you wanna play?”

————♚『Nie Huaisang』♚————

Nie Huaisang and Nie Mingjue watch as Jiang Cheng and Mo Xuanyu take turns to throw the stick down the hill. Baxia is faster than Princess, and more often than not she reaches it first and lays on it to claw and bite it for a little while, at least until Princess manages to steal it and bring it back to them. Sometimes she runs after Princess and climbs on her to try and steal it back, but then they get distracted playing together. Xuanyu looks delighted.

“You are getting attached,” Nie Mingjue says without looking at him.

“I don’t get attached!”

Nie Mingjue looks at him with a crooked smile, “My point exactly.”

“Da-ge, we are just babysitting him,” he says, rolling his eyes.

“I am aware of that, but are you?” his brother nudges him a bit with his shoulder, making him stumble to regain his balance.

“Of course I am! It’s just–” he struggles to come up with an answer that doesn’t make him look over-attached, one that he might fool himself with too. “I don’t like to see him suffer. Ge, you didn’t see him back then.”

Nie Mingjue seems to think about it for a while, and for a moment Nie Huaisang thinks he is gonna drop the topic, but then he asks, “Is that why you were not answering the messages?”

Seeing that he has no way out of that argument and knowing beforehand that his brother is not going to give up, he sighs and admits defeat, leaning heavily against the tree.

“No. I uh, got a bit delayed in my work. I wasn’t lying when I said I had been busy. It’s just, I was scared of you asking me how work was going. It was giving me anxiety.”

“A-Sang, you know you could have told me, right?”

“I know, but– things have not been going my way lately, I felt like I was losing control of things.”

“Because of the scandal?”

“That,” he concedes, “and then everything else.”

They look as Baxia flops on Xuanyu’s legs to use them as a pillow. Beside Princess –and in Mingjue’s arms– Baxia looks like a normal cat, but being next to Xuanyu just makes it obvious how big she is in comparison. Jiang Cheng is laughing and he takes Xuanyu’s hand and gently places it on Baxia’s ribs, to the kid’s fascination.

“He seems like a wonderful child.”

“He is,” Nie Huaisang smiles without looking away from the kid. “Jin Ling will have a wonderful brother.”

Nie Mingjue lets a heavy hand fall on his shoulder, “I’m proud of who you are, Huaisang. And I’m proud of what you two are doing,” he gives him a moment to drink it in, and Huaisang pretends he doesn’t make a choked noise when he hugs him close. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

Nie Huaisang can’t help it anymore and chokes on a sob, fiercely clinging to his brother. It hurts so much to hear it, especially when he feels so– broken. He wanted their dad to be proud of him as much as he was of Nie Mingjue, and when he was gone, he wanted Mingjue to be proud of him even if he didn’t choose the path his brother had wanted for him. And now? Now he didn’t deserve it. He can’t live by himself. He can’t keep up with work. He can’t even spend a night out of their home without having a panic attack. He knows himself capable of doing things his brother wouldn’t approve of in order to keep the people he loved safe. He can’t get his shit together, and yet his brother had felt the need to tell him he was proud of him, when there was nothing to be proud about.

“I’m not doing anything, I just want to keep him safe.”

He feels his brother huff, “You are taking care of him. You are prioritizing his needs, and you even threatened me because you care about him. He has gone through things only both of you know, and you are scared of adding pain to his life. That is more than enough, didi.”

It’s not. He knows better than anyone that it’s not enough, but, “It must be.”

Once Nie Mingjue makes sure Nie Huaisang is relatively ok, he doesn’t stay for longer. Both he and Jiang Cheng know by heart how to take care of Baxia, but Nie Mingjue makes sure to give Mo Xuanyu some instructions that the toddler seems to be taking very seriously.

It starts getting colder and it seems like Xuanyu might catch something if they don’t go back home, so they don’t stay at the park for long either. He does seem very excited to have Baxia stay with them, looking kind of incredulous for the whole ride back home. He stares at her and follows her around the house with fascination like she is gonna banish for the better part of an hour before he settles down.

Nie Huaisang holes himself up in his studio while Jiang Cheng teaches Mo Xuanyu a couple of games with the girls. Now that he knows his brother isn’t gonna ask how things are going over the phone, his anxiety is back to manageable levels. He is worried about his other clients though, but at least he is almost done with those. When he feels he’s done enough work for the day and checks the clock, it’s way later than he expects and the house is in silence. He stretches on the stool, cleans his brushes and then starts looking for Jiang Cheng, curious as to why no one told him it was that late.

He gets his answer in the living room. Right on the sofa and with a sleeping Mo Xuanyu on his chest, is Jiang Cheng. He also checks on the girls and finds Baxia is busy grooming Princess on her bed, so he lets them be.

As much as Nie Huaisang enjoys the view, him losing track of time has left him starving. He does take a photo, though.

“Hey,” he whispers, running a hand through Jiang Cheng’s short hair. He watches as he stirs, but it’s not enough to wake him up. “Hey,” he repeats, this time gently squeezing his shoulder.

Jiang Cheng does wake up this time, blinking blearily at him and then rubbing his eyes with a hand, the other resting on Xuanyu’s back.

“Fuck, it’s dark,” he croaks, making Huaisang chuckle.

“Yeah, good morning,” Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes at him for the joke. “Do you want me to bathe him? It’s close to his bedtime.”

“I’ll get started on dinner then,” he stretches a little and then rubs Mo Xuanyu’s back, making him stir awake.

“Hi, love,” Nie Huaisang says softly, getting Xuanyu’s hair out of his face. “Was nap good?”

“Mhm.”

Xuanyu seems on the verge of falling asleep again, so Huaisang keeps talking to keep him awake, “I’m glad. Are you hungry?” Xuanyu nods, cheek still resting on Jiang Cheng’s chest. “Me too. How about I give you a bath while Cheng-gege cooks and then we have dinner together?”

“M’kay,” he says and closes his eyes.

“Come on, buddy,” Jiang Cheng sits up and passes Mo Xuanyu to Huaisang, and the child immediately clings to him.

Nie Huaisang goes to Jiang Cheng’s room, kid on his hip, and takes out clean pajamas from the closet, then he heads to the bathroom. He puts him on the floor because he knows there is less of a chance of him falling asleep while standing, and turns on the water to fill the bathtub.

“Is it ducks today? Or fishies?”

“Ducks!” Mo Xuanyu seems to perk up a bit for this, and starts trying to get out of his clothes.

“Let me help you, love.”

Bath time is nice. Nie Huaisang hasn’t forgotten at all the nightmare this was the first time, but he does enjoy when Mo Xuanyu plays with his toys while he soaps him up, and he likes playing with him, even if he gets his clothes a bit wet in the process.

It’s while he shampoos his hair when he asks, “Did you enjoy the park today?”

“I like the park,” he is pushing underwater one of the ducks and then letting go so it floats back and splashes on the surface.

“It is fun, isn’t it? Maybe we can go again this week.”

“Can Princess go? And Baxia?” he turns and looks at Huaisang with pleading eyes. He is pretty sure he isn’t aware of the effect that has on both him and Jiang Cheng, because otherwise he would weaponize it.

He wouldn’t say no to him, anyway, “We can bring Princess and Baxia, yes. Ah, but we need to ask Cheng-gege first.”

They have dinner once Xuanyu is dry and in a fresh set of clothes. Jiang Cheng is still cooking separately for Mo Xuanyu most of the time, mindful of his dietary needs. Especially on nights like these, being careful not to give the sleepy baby too much sugar so he doesn’t lay awake at night.

Mo Xuanyu grows drowsy once more when they are done, so Nie Huaisang tucks him in bed. Predictably, both Baxia and Princess climb on the bed, cuddling next to the toddler.

He chuckles fondly and then kisses Mo Xuanyu’s forehead, “Goodnight, little bird.”

“I want a story,” Xuanyu says, not demandingly.

They have been reading to him at night, in hopes of driving the nightmares away and giving him something else to dream about, with various degrees of success. He seems to be doing fine sometimes, just to wake up crying in the middle of the night. The amount of times they’ve had to go to sleep with him or to bring him to sleep with them has been decreasing, though.

He hasn’t asked for a story before.

“A story or a song?” Jiang Cheng asks, entering his room while he dries his hair with a towel.

“The rainbow fish book,” Mo Xuanyu says, already sleepy.

“The rainbow fish it is, then,” he then leans to whisper in his ear, “Go shower, I got this.”

“Okay,” Huaisang answers him in the same tone.

“Say goodnight to Sang-gege, I’ll read for you,” he says, looking for the book in one of the drawers of the nightstand.

“Goodnight Sang-gege,” he gives Nie Huaisang a clumsy kiss on the cheek when he leans down, and then Huaisang gives him another kiss before going off the bed.

“Goodnight baobei.”

Later, when he gets out of the shower, he finds Jiang Cheng already in bed, reading a book while he is waiting for him. He is wearing his reading glasses, the ones he uses when he is working for too long on the computer. Jiang Cheng’s eyes are good enough to still be able to read without them, but Huaisang knows he doesn’t want them to deteriorate that fast, despite knowing he could get eye surgery eventually. Huaisang thinks he looks sexy with them.

“That was fast,” he says, closing the door.

“He fell asleep on the first few pages,” Jiang Cheng keeps reading, but he is already reaching for his bookmark. “The park was too much for him.

“I bet you he doesn’t wake up until morning,” he smirks mischievously.

“I’m not dumb enough to bet against you,” he finishes reading the paragraph and places the bookmark before setting the book and his glasses aside.

Nie Huaisang lets himself fall face first on the bed with an oof, nuzzling his pillow. For a moment it’s just like that, with them keeping each other company in silence.

“Are you ok?”

The only reason he doesn’t lash out at being asked the same thing twice on the same day is because he knows Jiang Cheng really worries about him, and that, for some weird reason, he doesn’t see him as a mess even though he very much is one.

“Yeah, just tired,” he turns his head on his pillow to face him.

Jiang Cheng gently moves his hair out of his face, and Huaisang tries not to linger in the touch, “I think I saw you crying.”

He chuckles, “Because I did. Da-ge was stressing me out a little bit, but we sorted it out.”

It’s not exactly a lie, but he doesn’t want to admit he doesn’t feel like he deserves his brother’s praise for now. Jiang Cheng will definitely fight him in that one.

“That is good. Are you going to stay awake for longer?”

“No, you can turn off the lights,” Nie Huaisang closes his eyes without the intention of sleeping.

“Okay. Goodnight, A-Sang,” he feels him stretch to turn off the lights and then throw the blanket over both of them.

“Night Night, A-Cheng.”

He doesn’t sleep though, not for a long time. Since Mo Xuanyu got into their lives, the line between their stolen liminal spaces and reality has been blurring more and more each day. He is aware of how terribly domestic this has gotten, he has seen it before, with A-Ying and Zhan-ge, and he is so afraid of wishing for more.

Oh, but how he wants.

For them to be married. For Xuanyu to stay, to keep their temporal family forever, going on picnics and reading kid stories at night.

But neither of them are his to keep. So he wants, and he sleeps.

And then he wakes up tangled in Jiang Cheng’s arms, who is struggling to reach his damn ringing phone from that angle. Nie Huaisang is already cursing mentally whoever is calling so early in the morning.

“Yes?” Jiang Cheng’s voice is not groggy from sleep. Huaisang knows he is fully awake, too scarred from calls made in the middle of the night with bad news. 

He feels Jiang Cheng’s body tense, and from the faint yelling he can hear, he already knows who the caller is.

“What do you mean?” He can’t pick up the words, but Madam Yu sounds particularly furious this morning. “A-Niang I told you–” A pause, “No, she is home but– I can’t.”

The call goes on, and it seems Madam Yu has rendered Jiang Cheng speechless, who in turn has been tightening his hold on Huaisang subconsciously. He can’t see it from where Jiang Cheng has him in his arms, but he knows he is clenching his teeth.

“No. I will be there.”

He finishes the call and they stay silent. Nie Huaisang can feel him shaking a bit, but it seems he has realized how hard he is squeezing him because he relaxes his hold. When Huaisang starts stroking his back, Jiang Cheng brings him closer and hides his face in his hair, this time holding him gently.

“ Fuck , did I hurt you?” he sounds a bit worked up still. Nie Huaisang shakes his head no. “Can you order breakfast from A-Jie’s? She–” he sighs, frustrated, and has to take a couple of seconds to compose himself. “She wants me there. I don’t think I can cook for you today.”

“It’s okay, I got this. Don’t worry about it A-Cheng,” he pats his back gently.

He gets up and goes to Mo Xuanyu’s room once Jiang Cheng leaves. Now that Madam Yu has found Jiang Cheng keeps working some days from home when he technically doesn’t have to, there is the possibility she is gonna find out about Xuanyu.

And he can’t let her hurt him.

Chapter Text

A few warm-up sketches, that’s what Huaisang said he was gonna do before working on the ones for his gallery. Except, he has filled already four pages with them.

And in every single one of them, it’s Mo Xuanyu.

A-Yu, who gently holds a single small flower with a big smile, who strokes Princess’ fur while he watches the other kids play, who makes bubbles with soapy hands, who plays with Jiang Cheng in the living room. 

Mo Xuanyu, who is playing with Princess a few meters away from the shade of the tree Nie Huaisang is under.

He doesn’t dare to call the drawings a waste of time, nothing about Mo Xuanyu ever is. However, he knows he can't use the sketches. What right has he, when he’ll be Jiang Cheng’s nephew, Jiang Yanli’s kid? What right has he to call him his bird, knowing Xuanyu isn’t his ? Nie Huaisang is aware of how weird and awkward it would be if he released part of a collection based on someone else’s kid when he isn’t really related to him. So the sketches will remain hidden or perhaps will become a gift, so he turns the page and tries fruitlessly to come up with any other idea. It is ridiculous, really, how weeks ago he longed for a moment where he could work in his personal collection for the gallery, and now that he can, the only thing he has is a blank page staring back at him.

Only a few hours have passed since Jiang Cheng left for work, leaving him with an entirely different schedule to deal with. There is nothing to do about it but adapt, not when Madam Yu has almost the entire control over Jiang Cheng’s schedule. So adapt he has, thinking himself capable of keeping an eye on Mo Xuanyu while also allowing himself to work for a little bit.

That’s what he had thought.

It had been only a moment. A few seconds' worth of distraction. A few mindless lines traced on the pages. And yet, there is no mistake in the sound that reaches his ears and makes him raise his gaze towards the last place he saw Mo Xuanyu. It shouldn’t, for they haven’t heard him cry before, but somehow he knows that the faint cry he hears is his.

He doesn’t feel the sketchbook slipping from his hands, nor does he register standing up. The sheer panic doesn’t let him. He darts to where the toddler is standing, near another small child who looks on the verge of crying himself. Huaisang makes himself smaller, kneeling close to him and opening his arms in a silent invitation. Mo Xuanyu immediately runs towards him and hugs him, letting himself be hugged back.

“We were playing tag, I didn’t hurt him! We just wanted to play!” cries the boy, who should be around five or six years old. Huaisang glances around to see what he means by ‘we’ and notices a couple of kids somewhat nearby, nervously watching the situation.

Princess and Baxia are equally anxious, with Princess nosing both Mo Xuanyu and Nie Huaisang in her distress and Baxia trying to knead on them. They are, however, making communication a bit complicated, between them trying to comfort them and him having a crying toddler in his arms.

“Sit,” he gently orders. Princess does, but Baxia has resorted to purring against his side. He figures it’s as good as he is gonna manage, so he glances properly at the kid, who is obviously mortified and sniffling. “It’s ok,” he forces himself to say, even though Xuanyu clearly isn’t, because the kid is not at fault. “I think you startled him. He just needs space to recover, yeah? I got him, don’t worry.”

Nie Huaisang ends up needing to reassure him a couple of times, but after a few ‘I’m sorry, sir’s they are left alone.

It hurts to hear him, even when A-Yu isn’t exactly a loud crier. But whose fault was it? This time he only got startled, but what if Xuanyu had gotten seriously hurt, all because he was looking elsewhere?

“It’s okay, it’s okay baobei, I got you” Huaisang whispers, gently rocking A-Yu while he lovingly pats his back. “I am sorry, I should have been paying attention.”

“Gege…” he cries, hugging him closer.

“I know, I am here,” he kisses his hair and starts to hum.

Mo Xuanyu calms down rather quickly, compared to all the times he has cried before. It doesn’t hurt less, nor does it stop him from mentally kicking himself. After a few moments, he allows Princess to be near them and A-Yu wastes no time in petting her, getting some licks in response and making him giggle as if nothing happened.

But that doesn’t mean nothing happened.

A-Cheng

[2:27 p.m.]

Me

🕷️? ✖️🔥

A-Cheng

🕸️

Nie Huaisang thinks it’s ridiculous that, after so many years, they still need to write in code when Yu Ziyuan is nearby. However, he can’t deny that at times like these, when they are trying to keep Xuanyu’s existence hidden, it has been useful. He locks his phone and puts it away, knowing Jiang Cheng will contact him once he is free from his mother’s gaze. It was a promise, after all, that he would tell him if something happened. Even if the mere thought of doing so made his stomach tie in knots.

“Wanna go home and play, baobei?”

“We play together?” Mo Xuanyu asks, looking at him with round, hopeful eyes.

“Of course,” Huaisang gently strokes his hair. It’s not as if he is gonna get any work done today. Not after what happened. He owes him that, at the very least.

They take a taxi back home, and Huaisang orders what he thinks are Xuanyu’s favorites from A-Li’s. He gets soup for himself. He barely has time to finish the order when his phone starts ringing in his hand.

“That was fast,” he tries to tease, begs for his voice to sound even.

“Shut up, I had to hide in the bathroom. What happened?”Jiang Cheng’s voice is hushed and echoey. It makes Nie Huaisang smile, to imagine him curled in a corner to hide from his mother as if they were still kids.

The silliness of it doesn’t linger, so he soldiers himself as he says, “Nothing big,” this time , “A-Yu got startled by some kids who were trying to play with him.”

“Shit. Did they hurt him? How is he?”

If he wasn’t churning in his own guilt, he would have laughed at how easy Jiang Cheng slipped into full dad mode. As things are now though, he can’t help but worry his lip.

“No, no. It’s just– well. It turns out he can make noise while crying,” he runs a hand through his hair, lets his head rest against the wall. “He seems fine for now, but I wanted to give you a heads up in case he is weepy when you come back home.”

“He– wait,” he drastically lowers his voice, and Huaisang can barely hear the faint sound of a door closing. “Fuck, I have to go. See you at home.”

He hears a few beeps after Jiang Cheng hangs up and then the line goes silent. He doesn’t move from where he is leaning against the wall, not immediately. He does let his hand fall at his side, thinking whether or not he should have told Jiang Cheng he fucked up, but perhaps that interruption was for the best. The last thing Wanyin needs is another thing to get stressed about when he can’t do anything about it and he is stuck at work.

Nie Huaisang stops lingering in the hallway the moment he spots more than one pair of eyes watching him. He smiles and turns to them, arms already extended to pick up Mo Xuanyu.

“My bad, my bad. Gege took too long ordering food hm?” He scoops him up in a well-known motion, letting him rest against his hip.

“We play now?” Xuanyu asks excitedly, making Huaisang laugh.

“Of course baobei. So? What do you wanna do?”

In the end, it gets late. Nie Huaisang has already tucked in Mo Xuanyu, and the kid has been peacefully sleeping for about an hour, in which he himself has tried to sleep to no avail, the anxiety of the things he left unsaid chewing him up. He ends up getting out of bed and walking into the kitchen, pacing in front of the milk he is trying to boil in an attempt to calm down. Jiang Cheng had texted him earlier that he would be back home late, so at least he didn’t have a reason to freak out about his absence. Besides, it wasn’t ridiculously late yet.

He spaces out for a little bit, purposely stepping on the dividing lines of the floor with each step he takes just to focus on something other than his thoughts. But maybe it has been for a bit too long, because the milk starts to spill from the container, bubbling up.

“Fuck, fuck fuck–” He turns off the stove, so focused on the mess he just made that he doesn’t hear the front door open.

“Huaisang?” Jiang Cheng is looking at him from the hallway, coat hanging from his arm.

“It’s ok, I got it!” 

Nie Huaisang desperately looks for a cloth and lets it soak under the faucet. While he cleans the stove, Jiang Cheng carefully pours the remaining milk into a cup and then puts a bit more milk to heat in a different burner.

“I– Thanks,” he says, awkwardly trying to focus his attention everywhere except on the man in front of him. 

“Are you ok?” Huaisang looks at him briefly, knowing Wanyin is already worried from something so small.

“Yeah I just, I spaced out at the wrong time.”

He makes the mistake of holding his gaze, thinking it will help convince him everything is fine. Jiang Cheng doesn’t stop frowning, gaze shifting from him to the milk on the stove and back to him again. Hot milk , he belatedly thinks. Something Jiang Cheng makes him when he is not ok,  a gesture he learned directly from Nie Mingjue.

“...A-Sang,” he says, gaze pointing mercilessly at the cup and then at him. They both know he is trying to lie his way out of this one.

Nie Huaisang sighs, turning off the stove once more. If they are gonna talk now, they don’t need another milk incident.

“I fucked up,” he lets himself fall on one of the chairs, not looking at him. He isn’t ready to look at his anger yet. “That’s why I sent you a message today.”

“What do you mean? You said some kids startled him,” Jiang Cheng’s brows shift from worry to confusion.

“Yes. I thought… I didn’t want to work at home and have him do something else in the meantime. I thought it would be better if I let him choose to draw with me, or to play with Princess and Baxia instead,” he leans against the table, one hand holding his head while he traces invisible patterns on the surface with the other, still refusing to look at him. “He wasn’t as bothered by the sounds of the kids this time, so we settled a bit closer. He didn’t want to draw, so he was playing near me, bringing flowers or showing me dry leaves. After a while, he moved away from me to play with the girls instead, but he was close enough to me. He was looking at the kids when I… When I wasn’t looking ,” he snarls at himself,  burying his head in his hands, the guilt he had felt all day growing like a snowball, “I was supposed to take care of him but I stupidly thought I could work while keeping an eye on him but– And then I heard him –”

“Hey–”

“–and this time it was just a kid wanting to play with him but it could have been worse!” Huaisang stands up and starts pacing around the kitchen, all while not noticing Jiang Cheng trying to follow his steps. “He could have gotten hurt and all because I wasn’t looking! ”

“Huaisang–”

Why did I even think I could? I can’t get my shit together, I’ve been having meltdowns over the smallest of things, who even told me– ?”

“ Stop it!” Jiang Cheng bumps into him, firmly holding him by the shoulders and stopping his pacing. “Just–” Jiang Cheng, lost for words, sighs and pulls him into a hug, kissing his head. Huaisang hadn’t even noticed he had been crying, not until his face makes contact with his shirt.

“Why are you not angry?” he asks in a broken voice, hysterically. Maybe he would feel better if people started to be angry at him. Not being proud of him, like his da-ge. Not holding him, like Jiang Cheng.

“It doesn’t make me happy, if that’s what you are asking,” Jiang Cheng pulls him back gently, just enough so he can dry his tears with one hand. He is frowning.

“What does that even mean?” he asks in a whisper.

“Huaisang, you also have work. You were going to do that today, and that’s why you took Xuanyu to the park. He was in a safe space, he was near you, and there was no way for you to know it was going to happen. I am not happy it happened, but I don’t blame you, either.”

“You would, if something worse had happened,” and Huaisang wouldn’t blame him for it.

“He is my responsibility too, idiot. If something happened to him, it would also be my fault for not being there,” Jiang Cheng dries the rest of his tears, this time holding his face with both hands. “So stop blaming yourself.”

He is looking at him so seriously it’s making Nie Huaisang a bit uncomfortable. He knows that it doesn’t matter what argument he comes up with, Jiang Cheng will try to talk him out of it, so he doesn’t even bother to point out he wouldn’t be at fault for something that happens when he is not there to prevent it. Nie Huaisang feels a bit self-conscious, as he always does when he cries, even more when he can feel it on his face everytime Jiang Cheng exhales.

“Jiang-xiong, why don’t you let me be a drama king?” he whines, trying not to squirm in his hold. It backfires, because Jiang Cheng huffs directly on his face.

“Huaisang, you are a drama king, but I don’t like it when you beat yourself up, dummy.”

“But–”

“Shhh,” Jiang Cheng leans his forehead directly on his, and Huaisang stops breathing.

For a tortuous moment, or an eternity, they just look at each other. Jiang Cheng keeps stroking his cheeks even though there are no more tears to dry, and he leans closer until their noses touch. Then he freezes, as if he just noticed their proximity or what he has been doing. He seems ready to pull back, and you know what?

Fuck it.

Nie Huaisang closes the distance, just a simple press of his lips against his, his hand holding on his shirt for purchase. It doesn’t last long enough for Jiang Cheng to do something about it.

“Shut me up yourself,” he whispers, daring and scared shitless.

Jiang Cheng is looking at him with wide eyes, his hands slipping from his cheeks and taking their warmth with them. The longer he stays there, unmoving, the more Huaisang considers if he should sprint to his room or out of the house. He looks at the floor, ready to let go, but then Jiang Cheng pulls him from the waist, tilts his chin gently up, and kisses him.

Over and over again. As if he means it. As if he doesn’t care his lips are dry or they taste like tears. And Huaisang latches to him, holds onto his short locks, hugs him close because he doesn’t know if there will be a second chance for this. Jiang Cheng’s kisses are not desperate, but comforting, as if he is still trying to stop him from spiraling.

They don’t deepen the kiss, but when they part they are trying to regain their breath anyway. And Huaisang… he has to know. Even if it terrifies him. Even if he is betting everything at this moment.

“Is this… is this another liminal space?” he whispers, desperately. They never talked about them, never gave them a name, never acknowledged them, so Huaisang doesn’t know for sure if he understands.

Jiang Cheng seems to be mulling an answer, his eyes never leaving his face, and then he sighs. “I… I don’t want that, but,” he leans his forehead on his, a mirror of their previous position, his eyes closed, “I can still wait. I can wait for you.”

There was a time, years ago, when Huaisang would be with other people. He knew Jiang Cheng did the same, could see the hickeys his clothes couldn’t conceal, would see Wei Ying teasing his brother. But Jiang Cheng never brought home a partner. And neither did he.

“A-Cheng,” he chokes up, tears already filling his eyes, “you… for all these years?”

“You asked me for time,” he answers simply, looking at him once again.

“But… Why? I– You know I’m not… That I am–” broken, he leaves unsaid.

“You were hurting, then. You were right, and it was not the time. Your brother was your priority. You never gave yourself time to heal, so you are hurting now. That has never stopped me from loving you.”

Huaisang chokes on his tears, throws his arms around his neck and feels Jiang Cheng holding him close, almost painfully. All these years, all those stolen moments at night, he has been wondering if that almost confession had been a dream or not. All these years, and he simply could have told him it was enough waiting. All that time, for Jiang Cheng to just tell him he–

“Neither your panic attacks, nor your anxiety, nor your outbursts of anger,” he continues, making him cry harder. “None of that has stopped me.”

“Shut up,” he sniffles, hiding his face on his neck, where the cloth is soaked.

He feels Jiang Cheng smile against his head, “Shut me up, then.”

“Asshole,” Jiang Cheng’s smile shifts to a soft laugh, and against all odds, that's what calms him down. 

Despite his threats, he keeps quiet, softly stroking Huaisang’s hair, his head squished against his head. They stay like that for a long time, long enough he is sure the milk is cold again.

“...I think I need a tissue,” Huaisang pushes his chest gently, and Jiang Cheng lets go of him.

“Go, I’ll take care of this,” he feels a kiss on his head and a soft nudge towards the door. He would have probably argued with him about knowing where the door was, but he is exhausted.

Rude.

When he looks at himself in the mirror, his puffy eyes stare back at him. His hair is disheveled from all the pulling he has done on himself and from being squished against Jiang Cheng. He blows his nose and washes his face in an attempt to go back to normal and, by the time he is out of the bathroom, all the lights except the one in his room are off.

He finds Jiang Cheng already in bed, sipping from his favorite mug with his back against the headboard. When his gaze drifts from him, he can see another mug waiting for him on the nightstand.

Of course .

He mentally kicks himself as he grabs it, leans against Jiang Cheng, who immediately hugs him with his free hand. Huaisang thinks about all the times he has done something similar, all the years those stolen moments could have meant something more.

“ChengCheng, I think we are stupid,” he takes a sip, feeling the milk and the honey soothe his parched throat after all the crying.

“Don’t let Wei Ying hear you, we are never going to live it down,” it makes Huaisang snort, and he is thankful he wasn’t drinking at that moment.

“We could have kissed years ago,” he says, whining.

“Yes.”

And just because he is a little shit, and because Jiang Cheng should know what he signed himself up for, he adds, “You could have fu–”

A hand flies to his mouth, shutting him up.

“Yes,” Jiang Cheng looks mortified and Huaisang laughs in his hand. “Let's finish this and go to sleep, please.”

He lets go of him and, as funny as it is to tease him, they really should sleep. He curls against him once more, and drinks his milk, getting drowsier by the minute. It must be all the crying. Huaisang doesn’t know when he closed his eyes, but the next thing he knows Jiang Cheng is taking the empty cup from his hands and turning off the lights. He wishes he were more awake to enjoy being cuddled by him, unrestricted for the first time, but his eyes are heavy and he can feel Jiang Cheng drifting off as well.

He forgot something important, though.

“A-Cheng?” he mumbles against his chest.

“Hm?”

“I love you too.”

Chapter Text

Jiang Cheng wakes up early, way before the first rays of sun paint the clouds in a pinkish hue. He turns off the alarm, having it set to the lowest setting the night before, knowing it would wake him up but not Nie Huaisang. The idea was to get up earlier to be able to make breakfast for them, however, he had a certain someone quite attached to his side, arms and legs tangled with his… so who would blame him for staying in bed for some minutes, really?

He gently strokes Huaisang’s hair, getting rid of some tangles with his fingers, while he watches their ceiling. He really, really didn’t like having to go to work today, especially not after what happened the night before. Jiang Cheng didn’t feel comfortable leaving Nie Huaisang in charge of Mo Xuanyu two days in a row, knowing he will probably forgo working on his paintings once again and risk having a panic attack. It simply isn’t fair.

“You are thinking too loud,” Nie Huaisang mumbles against his shoulder, voice rough with sleep.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” Jiang Cheng brings him closer, his touch firmer now that he is awake, and kisses the top of his head. He feels him jolt and then relax against him.

They fall into a comfortable silence. It feels like both of them have a bit too much in their heads this morning. And. Well. They had a lot of things to think about, didn’t they? So much has changed in the last twenty-four hours.

“A-Cheng?” Huaisang asks in a whisper.

“Hm?”

“Last night…” Jiang Cheng places a hand on top of his to stop him from unconsciously pulling the neck of his shirt, softly stroking the back of his hand the same way Nie Huaisang has done for him for so many years. After a few moments of silence, he shifts so he is resting his body completely on top of Jiang Cheng, pushing some of his weight on his forearms so he can look him in the eyes. “What… what does that mean? For us?”

He doesn’t know where they stand now. It had been easier to skirt around it, to pretend it wasn't there. To have those stolen vulnerable moments at night, to wake up cuddled in the morning and pretend it didn’t mean something.

And yet, he wants this, desperately. He wants… Well, he wants what they already have. But he wants it to be real. However, Jiang Cheng doesn’t feel like he should be the one pushing for things. If Huaisang didn’t want to put a label to them, it would be fine. Even if he decided to pretend that last night didn’t happen, as long as they lived together, Jiang Cheng would be fine with it.

“What do you want us to be?” He asks instead.

“A-Cheng,” Nie Huaisang whines, hiding his face in his neck, “Why do you ask me? What are you gonna do if I ask for something ridiculous, hm? If I told you I want us to marry or something.”

Nie Huaisang sounds exactly like he does when he is teasing him. But there is something in the way he is almost squirming, how he tenses on top of him, that makes Jiang Cheng think it isn’t entirely a joke. In fact, the more time Huaisang goes without an answer, the more he can feel him tense against him.

“If that’s what you wanted,” he whispers, trying for his voice not to waver, “I wouldn’t mind.”

Nie Huaisang pushes against his chest and sits on his hips. Jiang Cheng’s eyes have adjusted enough to the darkness that the light coming from the window is enough to see his expression almost as clearly as if they had one of the side lamps on. Huaisang is watching him with wide eyes, studying him as if he is trying to decipher him. He opens his mouth, breath catching on his lips a couple of times, until he seems to reach a conclusion.

“You mean that,” is what he settles for. 

It doesn’t come out accusatory, it’s merely an observation. And yet, it makes him feel self-conscious, even if Huaisang was the one who brought the topic at hand.

“We don’t– we don’t need to talk about that. It is too soon–” he tries not to squirm under his gaze, but the fact that Huaisang has him trapped under his body weight makes it more difficult.

“Too soon,” Nie Huaisang agrees, lowering himself back on top of Jiang Cheng’s chest, resting his cheek on top of his heart. “And not soon enough. Ugh, we’ve been doing this backward.”

And Jiang Cheng couldn’t agree more. He is aware that this, whatever it is they wanna call it, is something new. And yet, the years they’ve spent dancing around each other makes him feel like everything is too much and simultaneously, not enough. ‘Not soon enough’, he said. Then…

“Do you want to? I don’t mean right now, but… is it something you want?” Jiang Cheng is trailing his hands up and down Nie Huaisang’s spine, feeling very tempted to go back to sleep like this.

“It is,” he feels Nie Huaisang tighten the hold he has around him, and he holds him closer in response. “At least, sometimes.”

“Sometimes?”

“A-Cheng. My best friend didn’t let me live on my own because he was worried about my anxiety and PTSD,” he frees one of his arms from underneath him and Jiang Cheng can see as he lifts his fingers, one by one. “We got a lovely house, with a big backyard for the sweetest fur baby. He cooks and makes milk with honey for me when I feel shitty. What else could I possibly want?”

It doesn’t escape to him that Nie Huaisang is evading making a choice, handing it entirely to him once again. He flips them and Huaisang falls on the bed with a soft ‘oof’, and the next second he has a hand in his hair, gently pulling on it as he closes the distance between their lips. Nie Huaisang presses back against him in a long, languid kiss. Jiang Cheng doesn’t pick up the pace, but he sucks on his lower lip, relishes the small gasp he gets in response. He kisses him softly, deeply, with the yearning of someone who waited years for it. And when they part for air, he leans his forehead against his.

“If you want a relationship, we’ll have a relationship. If you want to marry, then we’ll marry. Anything you want, A-Sang.”

Jiang Cheng doesn’t know what kind of response he expected, but it wasn’t Nie Huaisang frowning at him.

“Wanyin,” he pokes him in the chest with a single finger, making him back away just enough so they are looking at each other. “I don’t want you to do things just because I want them, you silly man. Stop making me decide when this concerns both of us.”

“I– sorry,” he mumbles, cheeks getting warm. 

He was so keen on knowing what Huaisang wants that he forgot it is the same for him, that both of them need to be on the same page. Nie Huaisang’s fingers trail up his chest and catch on the neck of his shirt, but he doesn’t tug at it.

“You’ve waited so long for me. Didn’t it occur to you I maybe want to do the things you’ve thought in so many years?” he asks, softly. “So? What do you want?”

It’s such a small question but it encompasses so many years of wanting, of waiting, of yearning. It’s hard for him to turn it into words, but he tries.

“I… I want this. You. I want everything with you. A best friend. A lover,” he strokes his cheek with a thumb, whispers, “A husband, one day. If you want it, too.”

“Even if I never get better?” Nie Huaisang smirks at him, self-deprecating.

“You will get better,” Jiang Cheng pulls briefly on his cheek and gets an ‘ah’ in response. “And even if you don’t, you are a dumbass if you think that would drive me away.”

“Your dumbass, it seems,” Huaisang pulls on his shirt, kisses him sweetly. Jiang Cheng doesn’t think he will ever get used to it. He whispers against his mouth, “I would marry you in a heartbeat, if you asked. Just do me a favor and at least let’s go on a date first?”

What leaves Jiang Cheng’s lips is a heartfelt laugh, one Nie Huaisang is quick to join as he gets squished beneath him. Ah. They discussed marriage before even going on a date, didn’t they? He briefly wonders if there is something they will actually do in the order they are supposed to. In the end, it might not even matter. He will go on as many dates with Huaisang as he can, even if they do get married someday.

They calm down, but they don’t let go of the other. After a while, it is Huaisang the one who flips them over and straddles him, capturing his lips into another kiss. It seems like neither of them can keep their hands or lips away from the other, now that they know the touch is welcome. Not that he is complaining. Not with how Huaisang presses insistingly until he parts his lips for him until he can taste him on his tongue, swallowing a soft, breathy moan.

His second alarm rings and he can feel the vibrations of Huaisang’s groan in his whole body.

“Ugh, what hour is it?”

“Early, but not as early as I would want,” he sighs, heavily. He stretches to turn it off and pats the small of Huaisang’s back. “Come on, if I hurry I can make something simple for breakfast.”

“I don’t wanna,” instead of getting off of him, Huaisang tightens his hold around him.

Jiang Cheng huffs, “Neither do I. But let’s try not to give my mom another reason to give me more work.”

Nie Huaisang pouts the whole time, but he finally gets off of him. Even if it was he who asked, Jiang Cheng finds himself missing the feeling right away. Honestly, there is nothing else he wants more than to stay all day in bed, kissing him silly and finding out what other noises he can make him do. The only silver lining is he has the next day free.

But oh, how he wishes he had more time.

Jiang Cheng resists the urge to kiss him once more, he doesn’t think he can leave the bed otherwise, and rushes to the kitchen. His original plan was to make something more elaborate, maybe even something Huaisang could reheat for later, but the frozen dumplings they have in the freezer will do. He puts some water for tea and starts making breakfast.

It is after some minutes, when the water is already boiling, that he gets startled by a pair of hands circling his waist. He relaxes once he feels Huaisang hugging him close and leaning his cheek on his back, allowing himself to trail a hand on his naked arms, back and forth.

“What were you thinking about?” Nie Huaisang asks. It’s no surprise he noticed his mind was far away, not when any other day Jiang Cheng would have noticed him enter the kitchen even if he wasn’t trying to make himself known. Huaisang isn’t a quiet person in the mornings.

“I’m… worried, I guess,” he answers sincerely. There is no point in hiding it.

“About what?”

“You. And A-Yu,” he pours water over the dumplings and covers them with a lid.

It doesn’t go unnoticed how Huaisang tenses against him. “...I won’t let him out of my sight again.”

“Huaisang, that’s not– that’s now what I meant. I– Are you gonna be able to work?” he turns to face him, and doesn’t attempt to hide his worry.

A look of understanding crosses Huaisang’s face. He doesn’t relax, or at least not entirely, but he seems less defensive.

“I don’t… I don’t think I’m in the right mindset to work in the first place. It’s ok, I’ll take this as a free day with A-Yu. We’ll be fine, I promise.”

He trusts him, there is no one he trusts more than him, but that doesn’t mean he is ok with it. 

“You still don’t get it, A-Sang. I… what I want to say is— I’m sorry,” Jiang Cheng gently pulls him by the waist and brings a hand to his cheek. “Both of us are supposed to take care of him, but you’ve been forced to use the time you used to work to be with him. I’m worried your anxiety will spike because of it. I don’t like it.”

“I love being with him A-Cheng. I can’t say this isn’t a bit inconvenient but,” he interlaces their fingers and brings his hand closer to his mouth, kissing his palm, “there is not much we can do about it.”

It’s not the first time they’ve discussed it. Neither of them is willing to leave Mo Xuanyu with Wei Ying and Lan Zhan, despite knowing he would —probably— be ok with them. At least, not until they are sure Mo Xuanyu feels comfortable with them, which means they should introduce them at some point. And so far, it doesn’t seem like Xuanyu will get along with A-Yuan right away, not after what happened in the park.

They can’t leave him with Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan either, because they are still getting used to their baby and dealing with the aftermath of the scandal, and even if Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen are the ones with more time in their hands, the situation is almost the same than with his brother and his brother’s husband.

“Stop worrying and feed me already!” Nie Huaisang is smiling at him and poking his sides. “We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

Jiang Cheng, of course, doesn’t stop worrying. He stops frowning once Huaisang presses his fingertips on his forehead though, and lets himself fall into a comfortable silence as they eat, sitting side by side while Huaisang’s legs rest on top of his. When he is almost out of the door, Nie Huaisang trails after him. Now that they are... a thing, there is something he has been wondering almost all morning.

“How long do you think we can make my brother think we’ve been dating this whole time?” Jiang Cheng asks nonchalantly.

This brings a bright laugh out of Huaisang, who looks at him mischievously. Both of them suffered their pinning, and have been suffering their public displays of affection for years.

“I don’t know, but if A-Ying asks, it’s our third anniversary”

“Deal,” he smirks, admiring the glint in his eyes, which turns brighter as Huaisang wraps his arms around his neck.

“Aren’t you forgetting something, A-Cheng?” he asks playfully, bringing him close in what it’s an obvious demand.

“Am I?” he feigns ignorance but kisses him nonetheless. 

It is not a gentle kiss. He presses against him until they are leaning against the wall, bites his lips and licks into his mouth until he moans on his lips. He doesn’t have time to linger, but it’s a statement of how much he wishes he could stay, a promise of sorts for when they have the time. When they part, Huaisang’s lips are wet and reddened, no doubt a mirror of his own.

“That’s not fair A-Cheng,” Huaisang looks a little dazed and a lot bothered, a bit of genuine annoyance bleeding from his voice. “What am I supposed to do now? Let you go?”

Jiang Cheng leans down and whispers something in his ear, despite them being alone. He watches as Nie Huaisang’s breath hitches and pushes away from him in a rush.

“I am not listening! You are horrible! Go before you say something else and I end up locking you inside,” Nie Huaisang unceremoniously shoves him outside and closes the door in his face.

Yes, there is a chance he might do overwork today. A chance for this whole mess to trigger Huaisang’s anxiety. However.

For the first time in years, Jiang Cheng drives all the way to work with a smile on his face.

Chapter Text

Jiang Cheng is late.

Nie Huaisang has been fiddling with his phone for the last couple of minutes, sliding it from side to side on the kitchen table with his fingers, waiting for the screen to light up. He’s been resting his cheek on the table for longer.

Honestly, he wouldn’t be as anxious or jittery had Jiang Cheng behaved in the morning instead of leaving him hot and bothered by the door. Who says that, who kisses like that and then leaves? He had yet to forgive him for that one.

He unlocks his phone with one hand and opens his text messages once more, knowing he would find them the exact same way as he had left them hours before.

A-Cheng 💜

[7:40 p.m.]

A-Cheng 💜:

I don’t think I’ll be there for dinner

Don’t wait for me, I’ll see if I can get something here

Me:

Are you sure you don’t want me to wait for you?

I could order something we can reheat later

A-Cheng 💜:

I don’t know how long I’m gonna be here A-Sang

Eat

Don’t let A-Yu stay awake for me

In all honesty, it’s not as if Nie Huaisang didn’t think this would happen beforehand, at least not with how things seemed to be going between Yu Ziyuan and her son. He only wished he didn’t have to do overtime after the conversation they had in the morning. Nie Huaisang spent most of his day in a daze thanks to that. He still doesn’t quite believe they had discussed marriage of all things, even when they didn’t quite have a label for… whatever they were now. Were they boyfriends? Engaged? Soon-to-be engaged? Boyfriends sounds like the closest thing, but also a bit childish and a lot inaccurate. It doesn’t feel right for what they have, for the years they’ve spent dancing around each other.

He had been lucky he decided he wasn’t going to work that day. Nie Huaisang doesn’t think he would have been able to work anyway, not with what happened the day before and today combined. After Jiang Cheng had left for work, he had taken a long hot shower until he didn’t feel as pent up. Afterwards, he had opted for letting Mo Xuanyu sleep as much as he wished while he waited for him in the living room, in company of a nice hot cup of tea and one of his favorite books. He had brought one of the monitors with him, just in case.

It hadn’t taken long for him to hear a door open, immediately followed by what he knew to be very excited little paws. He barely had had the time to put his book aside before he had a lap full of dog and a face full of licks.

“Yes, yes, good morning to you too ma’am, please stop licking me,” he had heard Xuanyu giggle while he struggled to calm Princess enough for him to be able to give her a little kiss on the head.

Then Xuanyu had approached him with unhurried steps and mumbled a “Mo’nin,” sleepily rubbing one of his eyes.

“Good morning baobei, slept well?” he had asked once the toddler was nearby, making grabby hands at him without getting up from the couch.

Mo Xuanyu hadn’t hesitated in reaching for his arms, letting himself be lightly squeezed in a hug as Nie Huaisang showered him with tiny little kisses on his cheeks until he made him giggle. Baxia had chosen that exact moment to jump on the back of the couch, demanding attention too.

“Ah so you decided to join us, hm?” Baxia had looked at him, unimpressed. “I’m kidding, good morning sweetheart,” he had stroked her long fur, making sure to rub under her chin.

After their good mornings had been exchanged, he had focused on letting Mo Xuanyu have breakfast. They were still very mindful of the quantity of food he was allowed to eat, not wanting to upset his stomach. He could have ordered something from Yanli’s restaurant. Instead, he had taken out the unsweetened yogurt they had bought specifically for Mo Xuanyu.

“Baobei, do you want mango, peanut butter or bananas?” he had asked with half his body still inside the fridge.

In all truth, getting the yogurt served two purposes. One, it was one of the healthiest options for breakfast they could give him. And two, this was as much of an opportunity for them to learn what Mo Xuanyu liked as for A-Yu himself. Up to this point the toddler had eaten absolutely every kind of food they had offered him without the fuss they knew most, if not all toddlers displayed when they tried some veggies. Sure, Mo Xuanyu had made a lot of progress emotionally-wise, but he still had a long way to go.

“Mango!” A-Yu had said excitedly.

So then he had chopped a mango in very small pieces and mixed it with the yogurt, handing it over to A-Yu along with a spoon. They had been trying for him to stay on his seat by himself, and so far the only effective way had been to sit very close to him so he felt safe.

Of course, Mo Xuanyu was a messy eater. Nie Huaisang had been watching amusedly as he ate, lovingly stroking his hair to keep him calm and trying to keep him as sticky-less as possible. Which hadn’t been as much as he wished for. He had had to use a wet cloth to clean him up.

As tempting as it had been to remain in their pajamas, there had been something that was bothering Nie Huaisang. Mo Xuanyu’s favorite food wasn’t the only thing they were nearly in the dark about, it was the same for nearly much everything else. His favorite shows. His favorite pillow. His favorite clothes.

So when the time had come for Mo Xuanyu to change out of his clothes, Nie Huaisang had to ask.

“What do you want to wear today baobei?” he had asked after laying down some of Mo Xuanyu’s clothes on the bed. He had received a very confused stare for an answer, so he gently pushed, “I mean, these were A-Yuan’s, but surely you have some you like to wear the most?”

“A-Yuan?” Xuanyu had asked, looking up.

Ah. Nie Huaisang supposed it had been long since they’ve had A-Yuan over, and they might have been keeping A-Yu in their little bubble for far too long. Perhaps if they had introduced him first to A-Yuan, what happened in the park wouldn’t have gone… like that . As much as it had pained him to admit, the psychologist had been right: A-Yu needed to be around kids his age, but maybe the park wasn’t the best of their ideas.

“Do you remember I told you Nie Mingjue is my older brother?” Nie Huaisang had run a hand through Mo Xuanyu’s hair.

“Baxia’s dad?”

And that had made him laugh. “Yes, Baxia’s dad.”

Honestly, he couldn’t remember if they had ever mentioned Mingjue being her dad or if Xuanyu had reached that conclusion after seeing him and Jiang Cheng interact with Princess, but he had found it funny and adorable nonetheless.

He had crouched so he was at Xuanyu’s height. “Jiang Cheng also has an older brother, and his brother has a son who is just a little bit older than you,” Huaisang had playfully tapped the tip of his nose, making him giggle. “His name is Wen Yuan.”

“These are his?” A-Yu had pointed at the pile of clothes.

“No, these were his. They are your clothes now,” Though I suppose it doesn’t feel like it, he had thought.

They had thought and talked about it, but in the end they hadn’t taken him to the mall so he could choose, so all his clothes were hand-me-downs and full of bunnies and now that Huaisang was aware of it, it was rubbing him all kinds of wrong. He might not remember much of when he was Xuanyu’s age, but he knew he had always been particular with what he wore, or the toys he wanted. It’s not that they hadn’t wanted to get him his own clothes, but back when they got him home they were not sure it was a good idea to bring him to a place that inherently had that many people. And now… Well. Now he supposed Xuanyu had way too many clothes and Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli would probably shower him in new clothes in some weeks but… a thing or two wouldn’t hurt, right? They’ve gifted clothes to A-Yuan before, after all.

“This is mine?” Mo Xuanyu had asked, pointing to a baby blue sweater.

“Yes,” he had reaffirmed.

And as all kids do, Xuanyu had gotten distracted right after.

“This one has a bunny. And this one has a bunny,” he had said, pointing towards different clothes.

“He and his dads love bunnies, so the clothes have bunnies too,” he had offered as an explanation.

“I like bunnies,” Xuanyu had admitted with a smile. And Huaisang had tried not to tear up because it had been one, if not the first time, that Xuanyu had said he liked something.

Instead, he had said, “Wait, we are getting side-tracked here. Clothes! We were discussing clothes! So, which are your favorites, A-Yu?”

“The bunny one!” Xuanyu had said playfully.

Nie Huaisang had laughed and tickled him, making him squeal. “Almost all your clothes have bunnies, you silly goose!”

They had gotten distracted playing for a moment, but then Nie Huaisang remembered, “You know, A-Yuan has bunnies. Fluffy little cute bunnies. Maybe, if his dads are free one of these days we can go for a visit?”

“We see the bunnies?” A-Yu had asked with the biggest hopeful eyes Huaisang had seen in him.

“We see the bunnies. And A-Yuan.”

“Bunnies and A-Yuan,” Xuanyu had parroted back. Nie Huaisang didn’t think he had been very aware of what seeing A-Yuan really meant, or how it could be a potential trigger.

In the end, he hadn’t made much of an advance regarding Mo Xuanyu’s clothes preferences. It seemed he was fine as long as it had something he liked— in this case, bunnies. Nie Huaisang locks his phone once again and stares at the clock on top of the stove. It’s ten thirty, Mo Xuanyu has been asleep for the better part of an hour. And of course, he had valiantly tried to stay awake to wait for Jiang Cheng, but after a whole day of playing almost uninterrupted, sleep had won the battle.

Nie Huaisang pouts dramatically, for no one but himself, and sighs before getting up from his chair.

Might as well start doing the dishes.

He zones out as he lathers each plate and glass with soap, humming one of the songs of a kid’s show he thinks Xuanyu likes, and that has stubbornly stuck to his brain all day. Spending time with Mo Xuanyu has made it so Nie Huaisang hasn’t stopped thinking of a solution for the situation they are currently in. They have been against bringing him to a daycare before, but the more he thinks about it, the more he is convinced it might be their only solution. However, it means they have a few other things to solve first.

“You are thinking too loud,” Jiang Cheng says, an echo of his own words earlier in the morning. Nie Huaisang belatedly feels Jiang Cheng’s arms sneaking  around him, effectively startling him. It’s good that he had his hands free, otherwise they would be dealing with broken dishes.

“A-Cheng!” he squeaks. Jiang Cheng doesn’t seem to care about his little meltdown, nuzzling between his neck and his shoulder. “Oh gods, are you trying to kill me?!” Nie Huaisang turns and pokes his chest accusingly with a soapy finger. “And how do you dare use my own words against me?”

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes, amused. It doesn’t stop him from sneaking his hands under his sweater and giving him goosebumps. “I called for you, it’s not my fault you couldn’t hear me.”

“You could have– mph! ”

Jiang Cheng has taken advantage of his hold and is now pressing his lips against his own in a heated kiss. Nie Huaisang can’t help but sigh into it, letting Jiang Cheng lazily lick into his mouth. It’s not nearly as desperate as the one they shared in the morning, but it’s enough to get him into a light daze once their lips part.

“I missed you,” Jiang Cheng explains. 

It makes his cheeks feel hot, so he tries to play it off with a pout. “That’s cheating.”

“Come on,” Jiang Cheng pulls at his cheek playfully, stopping him from whining further. The jerk. “I soap, you rinse.”

They fall into a comfortable near silence, the soft clink of the dishes and the running water filling the air.

It’s not like it’s new, this kind of domesticity. They’ve lived together for years, have been in this exact same situation multiple times, and yet somehow it feels different. More intimate, now that they are done dancing around each other.

He doesn’t know if Jiang Cheng realizes, or if perhaps he is doing it on purpose, but with how they are standing, he is almost leaning against his side. Between rinsing and putting the dishes in the dish rack, Nie Huaisang allows his eyes to linger on Jiang Cheng. Despite both of them being almost recovered from the stressful sleepless nights, there are still traces of darkening circles under his eyes. There is also this unspoken tiredness, a certain daze he carries around the days it’s busy at work. 

But he also looks happy. Soft. The kind of smile that doesn’t curve his lips but his lower eyelids.

Nie Huaisang wishes nothing else than running his fingers through his shorter locks, pulling softly until he has those eyes fixed on him. Alas, there is a good reason why he was spacing out before Jiang Cheng got back home.

However before he can open his mouth, Jiang Cheng beats him to it, “We should introduce him to A-Yuan.”

Nie Huaisang laughs, taking the plate Jiang Cheng hands him and running it under the water. “So we’ve been thinking the same today hm?”

“It’s better if A-Yu tries to be friends with one kid, better if it’s him,” he smiles, gaze focused on the glass he is soaping.

Nie Huaisang hums. “Indeed. I told him we could visit.”

Jiang Cheng glances at him for a second.“And he agreed?”

“He really wants to see the bunnies,” he adds, playfully wiggling his eyebrows.

“Of course he does,” Jiang Cheng huffs a laugh. It is no secret Xuanyu feels safer with animals than with people. Against bunnies? He didn’t even stand a chance. “We need to speak with ge first. A-Yuan loves loud games but…”

“A-Yu might react badly to them, yeah,” he sighs. “Do we actually know what triggers him, though? It’s like you said, so far he’s been brave with things we thought would be scary for him.”

Jiang Cheng goes silent, mulls over it. He passes the last glass to Huaisang, before rinsing his hands under the water and drying them hastily on the kitchen rag.

“We don’t have a choice,” Jiang Cheng breaks the silence.  “As long as he has us, even if he gets hurt… it should be fine.”

Nie Huaisang turns off the faucet and takes the kitchen rag from Jiang Cheng’s extended hand. He still doesn’t like the idea at all, but he knows they can’t keep shielding Mo Xuanyu from everything. In the long run, that is what might harm him the most, so he voices the real reason why they have been thinking about Mo Xuanyu all day.

“Do you think– Well. We’ve talked about daycare before but…” Nie Huaisang chews softly on his lower lip, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“Yes,” Jiang Cheng tiredly rubs his face with a hand, eyes closed. “I don’t think he is ready yet, but I messaged Wen Ning earlier today, just in case. The group A-Yuan is in is mostly well behaved,” he opens one eye to stare at Nie Huaisang. “You still don’t like it.”

“Neither do you,” he smirks at him, playfully poking his chest with a finger. Jiang Cheng brings him closer, hands on his hips. “But we can’t keep him in a bubble,” he isn’t sure who he is trying to convince here, perhaps both of them. “And he needs friends. If things go south, I suppose we could try with your brother or mine?”

“Let's see how his play date goes first,” Jiang Cheng kisses his forehead for a brief moment, before pulling him closer and letting him hide under his neck. Huaisang lets himself be comforted, leaning closer and breathing in his scent.

It shouldn’t surprise him, really, the way Jiang Cheng can pick up so easily on his uneasiness. They both know it’s a must for A-Yu to be with other children, but he is the one struggling with the idea the most. It occurs to him then that, between them, Jiang Cheng has always been the best at dealing with unpleasant situations. He supposes he has been dealing with those his whole life, between being compared to his siblings and trying to live up to his parent’s expectations. It makes Huaisang feel like a spoiled brat.

They don’t get to stay like that for long though, because Huaisang can hear once again Princess’ paws clicking on the floor approaching rapidly. Jiang Cheng however refuses to let go of him completely, opting to keep one hand on his waist while he pets Princess with the other.

“You came to say hi? You should be sleeping,” Jiang Cheng plays with her ears, tugging lightly. 

“Gege?” Xuanyu babbles, rubbing his eye in a desperate attempt at trying to push the sleep away. 

Mo Xuanyu is almost leaning on the door, clearly trying to adjust his eyes to the light. He is definitely more asleep than awake, and by how much he is blinking and swaying, Huaisang knows it’s a rapidly losing battle.

“What are you doing up, brat?” Jiang Cheng finally lets go of him in favor of carrying Mo Xuanyu in his arms, the kid immediately clinging to him and resting his head on his shoulder. “And how did you know I was home?”

“Princess wanted out,” he says, sleepily.

They immediately know what Xuanyu is talking about. Princess isn’t a noisy dog, but she does have a tendency to sniff under the doors when she hears either of them coming back home. It’s not nearly as loud as if she barked, but the noise must have been enough to wake him up.

“Aiyah, I told you you would have gege all to yourself tomorrow didn’t I? You didn’t need to get up, baobei,” Nie Huaisang gently moves a lock of hair away from his face, but Xuanyu hugs Jiang Cheng tighter, a sleepy whine escaping his pouty mouth.

They both laugh at that. It’s not often Xuanyu argues with them, as scared of confrontation as he is. Even this tends to be too much for the toddler.

“I don’t think he is gonna let me put him back to bed,” he says, a smile still on his lips.

Jiang Cheng gives him an amused smile. “He won’t sleep if you try. I got this.”

Princess trails after them, clearly more interested and still excited about Jiang Cheng’s arrival than about staying a couple of minutes with him. The traitor.

But since he doesn’t have anything else to do, he decides it is a good moment to prepare for the night. He makes a beeline to the bathroom in order to brush his teeth, and later he puts on his pajamas while still waiting for Jiang Cheng. He is on his back and staring at the ceiling when the door to the room opens.

“He was already asleep when I laid him down,” Jiang Cheng says, already unbuttoning his shirt, a soft smile on his lips. Nie Huaisang flops on his side so he can see him better. “He clung to Baxia and she didn’t even move.”

Nie Huaisang chuckles. “She is just like Da-ge.”

“No, she is just like you. You nap just as much,” he says, not looking at him while he slips out of his shirt.

“Rude,” he replies absentmindedly, eyes trailing down the newly exposed skin.

Nie Huaisang has seen him undress way too many times before, even more since they started sleeping together. Except, he never allowed his eyes to linger this much, settling for stolen glances at must. A shame, really, given how handsome Jiang Cheng looks with just the right amount of muscle. Not nearly as beefy as his brother, but not as slim as himself. Tonight, he lets his gaze follow the curve of them, even more enticing with the way their two lamps cast shadows in them.

He is so focused on him he doesn’t notice Jiang Cheng has stopped undressing himself until his eyes meet his.

“Like what you see?” He asks, a smug smirk on his face.

His face heats up, if only because he doesn’t know how long he has been staring. It doesn’t stop him from teasing back, though.

“What if I do?” Nie Huaisang says, innocently. “What will you do about it? Unless you are tired,” he pulls himself up on his knees, right as Jiang Cheng gets to the edge of the bed, “and what happened in the morning was all bark and no bite?”

Nie Huaisang knows that if there is something Jiang Cheng has rarely been able to resist, is a challenge. He has seen him get in trouble after Wei Ying dares him to do something objectively stupid a large amount of times.

This is no different.

“Shut up,” Jiang Cheng says, right before pulling him in for a kiss, “who is tired?” he asks against his smiling lips.

Them. They are tired. However, they also have waited for so long that being tired is the last thing on their minds. Nie Huaisang would do anything if it meant Jiang Cheng would fuck him into the mattress. Except it seems he won’t need to try his seduction methods on him, not with how tight Jiang Cheng is holding them together.

This is nothing like the lazy kiss they shared in the kitchen. Jiang Cheng pulls on his hair, making him moan against his lips, just as he slides his tongue into him, muffling the sound. Nie Huaisang lets his hands roam freely on his naked skin in return. He has wanted to do this for so long that his mind is running over the hundreds of fantasies accumulated through so many years, and he can’t decide what he wants the most. He wants Jiang Cheng to keep kissing him like this, hungry and demanding. He wants to run his tongue over those perfect muscles, to bite on his skin. He wants to taste him, wants to know how he feels on his tongue so bad he feels like a horny teenager all over again.

Jiang Cheng bites on his lower lip and then trails wet, biting kisses past his jaw and down his neck, sending shivers down his spine. Nie Huaisang tilts his head to the side, giving him better access to his skin. Jiang Cheng bites hard between his neck and shoulder, making him dig his nails in his back, bringing them impossibly close.

“Ngh , of course you are a biter.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Jiang Cheng asks, licking and sucking at the bruised skin.

“Not at all— Ah, keep going.”

Somewhere in his hazy, lust-filled mind he knows he should probably take the chance to try at least one of the things he has thought about, but it’s so hard to focus when Jiang Cheng is mouthing at his skin and sneaking his warm hands under his t-shirt and up his back that he just lets him be. He obediently lifts his arms when Jiang Cheng tugs at the hem of it, letting him take it off. Nie Huaisang hadn’t been wearing much in the first place, but without the shirt —stolen directly from Nie Mingjue’s wardrobe— he is only in his boxers and Jiang Cheng is way over-dressed for his liking. He hooks a finger on a belt loop and pulls .

“I want these off,” Nie Huaisang pants in his ear, tugging at the lobe with his teeth, satisfied with the full body shiver he gets in response.

Jiang Cheng groans, grazing his teeth against his collarbone before pulling away, “As you wish.”

Nie Huaisang is half hoping Jiang Cheng will get rid of his pants and his boxers in one go, but he opts to keep that one last layer of clothes. Before Huaisang can complain, Jiang Cheng captures his lips in another bruising kiss, sneaking a hand under his underwear and grabbing a handful of his ass while he pushes him backwards, his back soon hitting the bed.

Even that simple touch, so close to where he wants his hands, his fingers, is enough to make him buck up in his hold, desperately trying to create friction between them. Jiang Cheng unintentionally grinds down, making them both moan into their kiss, breaking it off between gasps. It helps him get an idea of what hopefully will be soon inside of him.

“Fuck Huaisang, behave,” he growls, the sound going directly to Huaisang’s dick. “I’m trying to take my time here,” Jiang Cheng starts trailing kisses down his chest, sucking and biting at the exposed skin and making Huaisang sigh with pleasure.

“More time? Ah!—” He gets a bite to his nipple, Jiang Cheng immediately soothing the sting with his tongue and playing with the other between his fingers. Nie Huaisang arches to the touch. “We’ve waited for years .”

“A-Sang,” Jiang Cheng lets go of his nipple, almost glaring at him. “You are not a quick fuck.”

And, well. If he was wondering if it was possible to love Jiang Cheng more than he already did, or to get more aroused than what he already was, he already had an answer. Leave it to his lover to be blunt as a brick and render him speechless. He can’t even bother with a counterargument, not when he realizes Jiang Cheng is peppering kisses down his ribs, all the way to his navel, so close to where he is hard and aching. True to his word, he is taking his sweet time, making Huaisang feel like every touch is simultaneously too much and not enough. He is leaving a path of faint red marks, sucking hard enough to be the right side of painful, making sure the marks will stay but won’t bloom into greens and purples.

Jiang Cheng wordlessly, finally, tugs at the hem of his boxers, Huaisang raising his hips up to aid him in getting rid of them. His cock is flushed and leaking on his stomach, and he is aroused enough that it’s almost painful. Jiang Cheng is watching, a sigh leaving his lips, and Nie Huaisang feels drunk with how his eyes are heavy with lust. He wants those eyes to look at him all the time.

In the silence of the room, his own breathing feels louder in his ears. Jiang Cheng hasn’t done much to him yet but he is in a similar state, skin flushed down his neck and over his chest. He looks gorgeous. Nie Huaisang gets the chance to finally stare at the telling tent between his legs, the fabric darker in a wet spot. His mouth waters.

Before he can try anything, Jiang Cheng seems to snap out of his daze, settling between his legs, hooking both of them over his shoulders, kissing his thighs. Nie Huaisang jolts when he feels him bite down, it feels possessive, like he is marking him up. The sight of him between his legs, gaze fixed on him, is way too sexy for his own good. He can’t help but make needy sounds with each kiss and bite, each closer to his core than the last.

However he thinks something feels off. There is something else playing in Jiang Cheng’s eyes, other than lust. He seems almost— playful, like he is barely resisting a chuckle.

“When did you get this?” Jiang Cheng taps at his inner thigh with a single finger.

Fuck.

Of all the ways Jiang Cheng could have noticed, it had to be like this. He covers his face, completely mortified and groans. He doesn’t have room to wiggle out of this one, the design itself being telling enough.

“I’m not telling,” he tries anyway.

“...We could stop—” Jiang Cheng pulls away, just a little bit. Nie Huaisang has the hunch he wouldn’t, regardless of if he answered or not. However he feels the sooner he answers, the sooner the teasing will stop.

“Fine . When we were eighteen.”

It had been before Jiang Cheng almost confessed. Convinced that he wouldn’t have a chance —due to Jiang Cheng being in the closet— he had used part of his birthday money to go to a tattoo parlor. Even if they drifted apart, even if he ended up dating another person, he wanted to have something to always remember his very first love. He wasn’t stupid though, he couldn’t tattoo his name on his body, and of course it couldn’t be something that was easily seen. He had designed the tattoo himself, a tiny watercolor purple lotus next to a tinier angry frog. The placement had been an issue. Being high enough to be covered by his usual underwear, and with it being his very first tattoo and his fear of pain, they had had to give him anesthesia for it.

No one except him knew about it. Not Lan Zhan, and certainly not his brother.

Jiang Cheng’s eyes go soft, seemingly pleased with his answer. He kisses the tender skin, making him jolt as his hair grazes his erection.

No one had ever teased him there, it felt good .

“It looks nice on you,” Jiang Cheng says, resting his cheek on his thigh as he looks at him.

“A-Cheng , stop teasing me and fuck me already!” Nie Huaisang whines, still mortified about everything. “You were not supposed to see it!”

“Are you sure?” He goes on with his teasing, playfully nipping at his skin. “With how high up it is, I would think only I was meant to see it,” Jiang Cheng flattens his tongue against the skin, possessive, making Huaisang whimper. “So sensitive.”

“ Wanyin ,” he thwacks him with his knee. Nie Huaisang is really at the end of his patience, and if Jiang Cheng doesn’t hurry he will do something about it.

“Lube?” Jiang Cheng blurts out. Finally!

“Second drawer, left,” he answers immediately, almost before Jiang Cheng finishes asking.

He watches as he crawls backwards, half tempted to trap him between his legs but way more excited for what comes next. Jiang Cheng has to rummage through his things, but he finally spots the lube at the back of the drawer. He makes a detour by the closet, fetching one of their towels. When he comes back he doesn’t crawl back to the bed, instead, he grabs Huaisang’s hips and brings him closer to the edge, manhandling him so he is over the towel.

He really wouldn’t mind being manhandled more, his brain already thinking over several scenarios where it could be possible. Nie Huaisang practically vibrates with anticipation when Jiang Cheng opens the lube, coating his fingers with it. Jiang Cheng kneels between his legs, hooking one over his shoulder and pushing the other at the side, keeping him open. He warms it up, and just as Huaisang thinks he is going to push in, Jiang Cheng is licking his cock in a hot stripe.

He was definitely not prepared for that, the sound he makes is unreserved and embarrassing but he couldn’t care less, hips preventing from bucking up from one of Jiang Cheng’s heavy hands. He tries to bring him close with his leg, but Jiang Cheng has him effectively pinned down. Nie Huaisang tries to contain his sounds as he feels him teasing his entrance, they have insulated walls, and Jiang Cheng has never noticed when he was busy with his toys, but he doesn’t want to risk it with Mo Xuanyu.

Jiang Cheng brings his tip into his mouth, sucking at the same time that the first finger breaches him, drawing a moan out of him. He tangles his fingers in his short hair, not pushing nor pulling but as leverage, the view of his lover sucking him off obscene. He is not going to survive this man, if he is reduced to a moaning mess from a single finger and not even being fully in his mouth.

Jiang Cheng sets a gentle rhythm, licking and sucking his cock with wet sounds. He has been looking directly at him the whole time, and Huaisang has to close his eyes to be able to deal with it. He pauses for a moment and a second finger slips in, this time he is more aware of the stretch. It’s not painful, but it’s been a while since he has touched himself like this, or used his toys.

“ Deeper, please, please, please —” he chants, over and over again, vaguely aware that he is doing it.

“So needy,” Jiang Cheng says, as a praise. Nie Huaisang whines when he feels him curl his fingers, rubbing at his prostate and adding to the pleasure.

“More, A-Cheng, A-Cheng… ”

He doesn’t add more, not until Huaisang is loose enough and ready for a third finger. This time he rams his fingers all the way to his knuckles, making Nie Huaisang keen. The pace is still not nearly enough.

“Ngh, I’m ready. Please Jiang Cheng,” he babbles, desperate.

“You are not ready, Huaisang,” he scolds him lightly.

“I am, I am! I promise. Please?” Nie Huaisang makes use of his ultimate weapon, all easier because of all the stimulation he’s been through, making his best teary puppy eyes at him.

Jiang Cheng sighs, seemingly at the limit of his own patience, and asks, “Where are the condoms?”

“No need, I’m clean! You too, right?” He asks, definitely not knowing if Jiang Cheng is.

Jiang Cheng sighs once more, “I am. I never had unprotected sex.”

“Neither did I,” he answers, truthfully. “You are the first.”

And that seems to do something to Jiang Cheng, who keeps silent and unmoving for a couple of seconds.

“Fuck .”

‘Yes!’ He cheers, watching as Jiang Cheng steps back to free himself from the remainder of his clothes.

And it’s just. Not fair. Jiang Cheng is slightly bigger than his toys —which are bigger than average but not abnormally so, if he doesn’t count the monster shaped dildos he hasn’t been brave enough to try— shaped in a beautiful slight curve. Nothing he can’t take with enough preparation. He is definitely not prepared enough, but the thought of Jiang Cheng fucking him raw, of him being the only one to do so, has him dizzy with want.

Jiang Cheng manhandles him higher in the bed so his lower back is resting on a pillow, the towel draped on top of it. He opens the lube once more and coats himself with it, using the excess in Huaisang’s sensitive rim.

He sits on his heels, holding Huaisang by the hips, and starts pushing slowly, the stretch of just the head enough to make Nie Huaisang’s eyes teary, but not unbearable. It hurts a little bit, as expected, because he had been way too impatient to wait for a moment longer. Legs crossed around Jiang Cheng’s waist, Huaisang makes his best to relax his muscles, exhaling slowly through his nose.

“Does it hurt? You want me to stop?” Jiang Cheng asks worriedly.

“Ngh , don’t you dare,” he threatens.

Jiang Cheng is going slow enough that the glide of his cock, inch by inch, feels eternal. He feels so different from his toys, so warm and objectively good, e ven if he is still not used to the stretch. After a while, in which his tears have slid from his eyes, Jiang Cheng moans once he finally bottoms out, hips flushed against his ass. The sound alone is enough to send a fresh wave of arousal through his spine.

“So full. You fill me so well,” he babbles. Jiang Cheng hasn’t even started to move and he feels he already fucked his brains out.

He is so snug inside him, however, that he can perfectly feel when Jiang Cheng’s hips jerk unintentionally. They both need time to adjust, the air filled with their heavy breathing. Jiang Cheng reaches for one of his hands, kissing his knuckles one by one, dark eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks. He then rests his face against it, fingers intertwined.

“Breathe, A-Sang. You are too tight around me,” Jiang Cheng is stroking his hip in a soothing motion.

“Isn’t it good?” he asks cheekily.

“I’m not going to last long if you keep squeezing me like this,” he rolls his eyes fondly.

They stay like that, his hand pinned up his head and intertwined with Jiang Cheng’s while he peppers kisses over his face. Nie Huaisang tilts his head so he can trap his lips in an unhurried long kiss. Once they calm down, Jiang Cheng rests his forehead against his, breaking the kiss.

“I am going to move, ok?” Jiang Cheng asks, however he doesn’t give him the chance to answer, rolling his hips slowly.

Fuck, Huaisang is not going to last long either.

He no longer feels him up this throat, but each roll of his hips presses against his sweet spot, the pillow giving Jiang Cheng an easier access. He might be going slow, but he is definitely putting a great part of his weight in his thrusts, so much that if he hadn’t pinned him to the bed or Huaisang wasn’t using his free hand to hold onto his back, he would be pushing him further up.

“Fuck, there .”

Huaisang’s little punched noises and Jiang Cheng’s deep moans fill the room along with the sound of skin slapping against skin.

“You are so deep,” he goes on, because the way Jiang Cheng rams into him harder when he praises him doesn’t go unnoticed and it feels good , “I can’t— mh. Do it on my own.”

Jiang Cheng’s pupils are blown wide, his brows pinched as if he is barely restraining himself. Nie Huaisang wants to see him snap . At some point he has been pushing his hips up, using his legs as leverage to meet Jiang Cheng’s thrusts, making him pick up the pace.

“ s’good” he babbles nonsensically, because his ability to form longer sentences is long gone. “More, ’m close—”

Jiang Cheng is whispering sweet nothings in his ear, the contents unknown to him, the only thing his brain is able to process is his name, repeated in a string of ‘A-Sang, A-Sang, A-Sang.’

He tips over the edge not longer after that, Jiang Cheng fucking him through it, chasing his own release. It goes for long enough that it stops being pleasurable and it borders on painful, his insides sensitive to the stimulation. He doesn’t want him to stop though, not until he gets what he desperately wants.

“Are you not there yet, A-Cheng? Won’t you — ngh. Won’t you fill me up?”

It’s like he flipped a switch in Jiang Cheng’s brain, because he snaps and pistons his way in fast and hard, making him whimper from the overstimulation. His hips stutter and he spills inside him, Huaisang hugging his waist with his legs, so impossibly close to him.

They remain like that for a long while, limbs tangled with each other while their breathing evens out. Jiang Cheng kisses him sweetly once it’s manageable.

“I think you fucked me stupid,” Nie Huaisang says against his lips.

Jiang Cheng pecks him. “Hmmm. Was it good?”

“So good,” he says, freeing his hand from his hold and pulling him in for another kiss. He can’t feel that hand. “I had a plan, you know? Before you started teasing me and it went out the window.”

“What plan?”

“I wanted to suck you off so bad,” he pouts. Really, it’s a shame his brain noped out of the equation, it’s the first time he has the chance to touch and have his way and he ended up being a pillow princess for almost the entire thing.

Jiang Cheng huffs, definitely not remorseful at all. “Next time,” he says, kissing his pout, which only makes him pout harder.

“I’m all sticky,” he complains, not appeased. “And my legs are cramping.”

“I’ll be right back, then.”

Jiang Cheng pulls out, a trickle of cum oozing from Huaisang’s ass. Fuck, if it wasn’t this late, he would be tempted for a second round. Instead, he watches as Jiang Cheng puts on a deep purple silk robe, making a beeline for their bathroom.

Yeah, there is no way Huaisang can stand on his shaky legs. His muscles are still spasming a bit from the effort. It takes just a couple of minutes but by the time Jiang Cheng is back with a warm wet towel, Nie Huaisang is starting to drift off. The feeling of it against his stomach is what startles him awake.

Jiang Cheng makes sure to clean him up, wiping the spend from his stomach and his ass, the touch gentle. He also helps him in a fresh set of clothes, giving him one of his oversized t-shirts instead. Yep, he is definitely claiming him as his own. Not that Nie Huaisang minds, really.

Jiang Cheng himself is wearing lilac pajama pants, and one of his softest white t-shirts. Nie Huaisang has always thought it suits him. He looks comfortable. Soft. Nie Huaisang starts making grabby hands at him, and watches as Jiang Cheng wordlessly crawls into the bed with him.

They cuddle, with Nie Huaisang on top of his chest while Jiang Cheng plays with his hair, however they don’t turn off the lights yet. It might be late, but they seem reluctant to let the day end. It’s fine, they can wake up later next morning anyway.

After a long moment of silence, Jiang Cheng asks, “Why did you never let your hair grow as long as before?” He is tenderly holding a lock of hair between his fingers.

Nie Huaisang had let his hair grow over the years after cutting it off when his brother fell ill, but it was true he hadn’t let it reach lower than his waist in the years after. He could pass this as a fashion choice… but this was Jiang Cheng who was asking.

“I… Well. It reminds me. Of that time,” he admitted softly, not meeting his eyes. “I feel that one day I’m gonna wake up alone and I won’t be able to tell apart between those days and now.”

“Dumbass,” he feels a light pinch at his waist. “I wouldn’t leave you alone.”

“You don’t know that, you ridiculous man. What if you have to travel for work, hm?” he asks, teasing. As if they didn’t know Huaisang wouldn’t sleep if that was the case.

“You come with me,” Jiang Cheng says simply. Nie Huaisang fondly rolls his eyes, knowing he is the one trying to be serious here while Jiang Cheng refuses to humor him.

“What if–” A-Yu has school and we can’t leave him alone, is what he was gonna say, but he stops himself in time. “Nevermind,” he amends.

“What?” Jiang Cheng inquires with knowing eyes, like he saw the brief flash of panic he felt. And Nie Huaisang isn’t that fond of lying to Jiang Cheng, but he can’t help it with how perceptive he is. He can’t tell him that train of thought.

“What if by some reason I can’t follow?” he tries instead. “If I have an exhibition and– Ah!”

“A-Sang,” Jiang Cheng forgoes his hair in favor of pulling on one of his cheeks for the second time that day, fondly exasperated. “We’ll think about it if that happens, ok?”

“Fine,” he pouts, rubbing his cheek but not really annoyed at him. He tries to keep the ruse for longer, but he breaks into a yawn.

“Come on, I’ll turn off the lights. You were falling asleep earlier,” Nie Huaisang feels a kiss on his forehead, his eyes already closed. He is not quite asleep yet, but with how exhausted and sated he feels, he doesn’t think it’s going to take long.

“Okay. I love you,” he mumbles against his shirt, breathing him in.

“I love you too,” Jiang Cheng whispers, turning off the lights. “Goodnight, A-Sang.”

Chapter Text

There is a heavy, pregnant silence outside of the house. The air feels like static and Jiang Cheng can’t shake the sensation of ants crawling up his back. He knows it's not just him, he has caught Nie Huaisang chewing on his lip and lost in thought for the last couple of days, and for all he avoids talking about it, the incident at the park is still fresh on his mind. From the corner of his eye, he can see him shift his weight from one foot to the other.

Objectively, it's not the end of the world if this fails. There will always be another chance for Mo Xuanyu to learn to socialize with kids his age, but the thought of him closing up once more after all the progress he has made has his mouth go dry. The fact that A-Yu’s little arms are holding him tight is not helping either.

Of course, they have explained to him who they are visiting. He is excited to meet the bunnies at the very least, but while they met Nie Mingjue and Baxia at the park, this is the first time they try to introduce him to someone new in a place he isn’t familiar with.

It feels like forever when Wei Ying finally opens the door, a bright smile on his face.

“Ah, there you are! I thought for a second you were not gonna make it,” he says, and Jiang Cheng can tell he took Nie Huaisang’s warning seriously because he is– not quiet , his brother doesn’t know how to be quiet, but certainly not as loud. “And this little bunny should be A-Yu, isn’t he?”

Mo Xuanyu has taken to chewing on a single finger and partially hiding in Jiang Cheng’s arms. Wei Ying barely gave them a glance, but A-Yu has his undivided attention. For once, he can’t find it in himself to feel offended. 

They remain like that for a few moments, with Wei Ying keeping his distance and them reeling in their nerves, until Mo Xuanyu mumbles “ ‘t bunny.”

Which of course, startles a laugh out of his brother. “Ok, that 's fair. If not a bunny, then what?”

“A bird,” he answers shyly, his honeyed eyes glancing away.

Wei Ying doesn’t laugh, but he does give Nie Huaisang a knowing smirk. He knows where the nickname came from.

“Of course you are a bird, silly me, I should have known,” he dramatically slaps his forehead but is careful not to make a sound. “Then, would the little bird like to play with my baby radish and the bunnies?”

“Okay,” Mo Xuanyu agrees, curling up closer to Jiang Cheng’s body, and still with his finger in his mouth. Jiang Cheng gives him a small kiss on his temple and then follows Wei Ying inside.

Mo Xuanyu knows who the ‘little radish’ is, even when he has only seen pictures of the boy. ‘Just like you are our little bird, A-Yuan is Wei Ying’s little bunny,’ Nie Huaisang had told him several times over the last couple of days, occasionally accompanied by a photo. Perhaps that’s why he doesn’t seem very distressed, or at the very least, not yet. But they know better than to trust Mo Xuanyu’s silence.

They should act like this is like any other visit, that’s what his psychologist said, simply because kids are not stupid and can feel when there is something wrong or when you are walking on eggshells around them and that could potentially put him on alert, like there is something to be afraid of in the house. So he follows his brother like the tension isn’t eating him alive right to their backyard, with Nie Huaisang trailing behind them.

He can see his nephew even before Wei Ying opens the sliding doors, turning his head at the noise and following it with a faint ‘Shushu, Sang-gege!’. Lan Yuan, however, doesn’t sprint towards his legs even once they cross the threshold to the patio. He realizes then that they probably warned A-Yuan about A-Yu too. His nephew is, predictably, already playing with the bunnies in front of their pen. He has Stompy on his lap, softly stroking his fur while he waits patiently for them to get near him. Contrary to what he would expect, Lan Wangji is nowhere in sight.

“Look who is here little bunny, do you wanna say hi?” Is what his brother says once he gets closer to his son. 

They have stopped a considerable distance away from them, and he feels Nie Huaisang stepping beside him, right on the side he is holding Mo Xuanyu. 

“Do you see them baobei? Are you excited to play with them?” Nie Huaisang whispers, placing a comforting hand on Mo Xuanyu’s little back. A-Yu shyly nods, eyes focused on the black and white fur ball on Lan Yuan’s hands. 

There are two more inside the pen, but it doesn’t seem like he has noticed them yet. Mo Xuanyu doesn’t resist when he puts him down once they are nearby, but he immediately hides between both their legs, peeking between them. Nie Huaisang places a gentle hand on top of his head, but doesn’t encourage him to get out from his hiding spot. 

“A-Yu, this is Lan Yuan. A-Yuan, this is Mo Xuanyu, your cousin,” Wei Ying says in a cheerful voice, like the adults in the room aren't holding their collective breath.

“This is Stompy,” says his nephew in the tone one uses when one is a bit irritated, because his baba forgot to introduce his bunny. Jiang Cheng is pretty sure he got it from Lan Wangji. The moment A-Yuan takes one step closer Mo Xuanyu flinches and hides even more behind them, but half his head is still visible as he observes. Lan Yuan, bless his heart, stops walking and extends his hands a little bit, bringing the bunny closer to Mo Xuanyu. “Do you wanna pet him?”

Mo Xuanyu looks up towards them, not quite knowing what to do. For some reason, he feels he is a bit more anxious than when he met Nie Mingjue. 

“It’s ok if you want to touch it,” he gives him his best reassuring smile, which he knows doesn’t look as comforting as he wishes, but somehow it does help A-Yu to settle his nerves. They won’t force him of course, but he thinks it's important to let him know he has a choice.

“Okay,” he mumbles, facing Lan Yuan. His nephew doesn’t attempt to get any closer, letting Mo Xuanyu take his time to get used to them.

A-Yu shyly lets go of Nie Huaisang’s leg, partially coming out of his hiding place. Very slowly, he stretches a hand forward, eyes full of wonder just as with any other animal he has encountered before. When his fingers touch the soft fur for the first time, Stompy flinches a bit, making him giggle and look at A-Yuan, who gives him an encouraging smile. He returns his attention to the small animal, gently touching his head and ears, and unconsciously letting go of Jiang Cheng so he can get closer to it. 

Nie Huaisang silently clings to Jiang Cheng instead.

“Do you wanna play with Snowflake and Floppers too?” A-Yuan asks, already excited to go play with his new cousin.

Mo Xuanyu nods shyly, and that’s the moment A-Yuan decides to take his hand.

“Ah, baobei–” Wei Ying tries to sound not too panicked, but his son is too busy dragging A-Yu to the bunny pen.

He feels Nie Huaisang tightening his hold on him, but Mo Xuanyu just follows blindly at the promise of more bunnies to play with. It’s not until they sit on the grass and A-Yuan puts Floppers on his lap that Nie Huaisang releases a shaky breath, leaning almost all his weight on him.

“That was–”

“Yeah ,” he exhales in a whisper, trying to unclench his jaw now that it seems things will go fine.

They also sit on the grass after a while, giving the kids space to play but staying near enough so Mo Xuanyu knows they are there in case he needs them. He watches as A-Yuan shows him how to give them treats, and smiles when A-Yu’s eyes get big with wonder as Snowflake chews on a dandelion. He almost forgets his brother is there with how silent it is between them, until Nie Huaisang talks to him and breaks the silence.

“A-Ying, is Lan Zhan home?” he asks softly, trying not to interrupt the children.

“Hm?” Wei Ying blinks, snapping out of his thoughts. “Oh yeah, I think he is in his studio. He didn’t want to overwhelm A-Yu with too many new faces.”

“I see. A-Cheng?” Nie Huaisang gently nudges his shoulder with his own.

“We’ll be fine, go.”

“I’ll be right back,” he gives him a quick kiss on the cheek before standing up and heading for the door.

Predictably, what is left in his wake after that small show of affection is barely contained chaos, if only because Wei Ying hasn’t had the chance to ask anything yet. He observes with his mouth open as Nie Huaisang leaves, looks at Jiang Cheng as if he is making sure he isn’t imagining things, and once they are alone, repeatedly slaps his arm.

“What the hell was that??!!” He whisper-yells. And it takes everything in Jiang Cheng not to laugh at his expression.

“What do you mean?” He nonchalantly arches a brow with the confidence of someone who has kissed his boyfriend in front of his brother all his life.

“What do you mean what do I mean? Did he just– Did he just kiss you? ”

“Yes?” he asks innocently.

“And you are calm about it?!” 

“Wei Wuxian, why would my boyfriend giving me a kiss be weird?” He rolls his eyes and looks at his brother as if he isn’t in all his right to lose his mind. And then, just because his brother is a jerk sometimes, he adds, “Why are you freaking out?”

“ Your boy– ” By this point Wei Ying has forgotten they are not alone and Jiang Cheng barely has time to cover his brother’s mouth. It doesn’t stop Mo Xuanyu from looking at him, a bit startled by the noise.

“It’s okay baobao, your uncle was too excited,” he waits until A-Yu’s attention is back on the bunnies before he dares to release his hold on his brother.

“ And you didn’t tell me?! ” Is what Wei Ying says the second his mouth is free, this time in a lower voice. “Since when have you and Nie-Xiong been dating?!”

“Years? I thought you knew it was a joke when we said we were not dating.”

It occurs to him that, if Wei Ying wasn’t so distraught, he would probably notice how hard he is trying to contain his laughter. He even feels a bit bad for his brother, but he and Lan Wangji owe them for so many years of excessive displays of affection and several years of pining.

“I– Jiang Cheng . Does A-Jie even know?” The more time it passes, the more irritated his brother looks. It’s like he hasn’t decided yet if he is happy or angry at him.

“Of course she knows, you were the one who almost eloped with Lan Wangji without telling us,” he reminds him in hopes of calming him down a little bit.

Which of course has the exact opposite effect.

“It’s not the same A-Cheng!” Wei Ying goes on, this time mindful of his volume, “It doesn’t count if people know you are eloping! And I apologized to A-Jie for that a thousand times, I– You are changing the subject!” His brother pokes right at the middle of his chest, accusingly. Ah, drat. “We were talking about you! You and A-Sang!”

“What about us?” Nie Huaisang asks innocently, just a few steps away, clearly just having returned from inside. 

“Nie Huaisang,” he whined, making the best hurt puppy eyes he could muster,which weren’t nearly as good as Nie Huaisang’s which is from where he picked the gesture, “You were dating my brother? And you didn’t tell me? ” 

Jiang Cheng might struggle a bit hiding his emotions, but Nie Huaisang had the face of someone who is clearly confused as to why his best friend is apparently having a meltdown. 

They share a brief glance before Nie Huaisang blurts out, “...You didn’t know?”

That was the exact moment his nephew, bless his heart, decided to interrupt.

“Baba! The tea party!” He yells from where they are still kneeling on the grass. A-Yu looks a little bit startled but otherwise he looks fine.

“I– Yeah, sure baobao,” he says cheerfully. He squints at them accusingly the very next second. “This is not over ok? You ,” he says, motioning to both of them, “need to tell me everything later.”

“Hmm, everything?” his boyfriend asks, in a way that implies– Jiang Cheng doesn’t want to know what, and by the face Wei Wuxian makes, his brother doesn’t either.

For better or for worse, the kids are way too close to continue that conversation, so Nie Huaisang simply winks mischievously at them and then kneels on the grass with his arms open when Mo Xuanyu approaches them. He doesn’t think twice before throwing his small arms around him, and gets rewarded with a loud kiss.

“Did you have fun with the bunnies?” Nie Huaisang asks, standing up with him as the rest of them start heading back inside. Jiang Cheng follows closely.

Mo Xuanyu nods, “A-Yuan says bunnies come to the party too.”

“Of course, they are tea party experts by now,” Nie Huaisang nods very seriously and then smiles. “Ah! But before we go inside, I need to talk with you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you my little bird,” his smile gets wider as he pinches a cheek gently, making Mo Xuanyu giggle. “You met A-Yuan’s baba, but there is someone else I want you to meet. You’ve been very brave today, but it’s A-Yuan’s A-Die’s house too and we can’t ask him to get out. You don’t have to, but if you want to say hi when you see him, that’s totally fine too, okay?” 

Mo Xuanyu is looking at him with his brows slightly pinched at the potential of meeting someone else, but in the end he agrees with a small ‘m’kay’. 

“That’s our brave boy,” Nie Huaisang kisses his forehead and enters the house too.

Twenty minutes later, Jiang Cheng is watching the kids play from the living room, on the sofa closest to his nephew’s room, where the door gives him a clear view. He wants to give them enough space to play unbothered, but he also wants to be nearby in case something happens. Plus, watching his nephew and now Mo Xuanyu play has always given him some sort of peacefulness.

Like most things regarding Mo Xuanyu however, it doesn’t happen without a hitch. He watches with guilt as A-Yu admires the room –so full with toys and so clearly a child’s room, so different from what he has at home– and then as A-Yuan introduces him to some of his favorite plushies, all of them already taking a seat in the kids table, with plates and cups. The tea set had been a gift from A-Li, and it became a favorite of their nephew ever since.

It had been all fine, until A-Yuan started to ‘pour tea’ to his plushies with an empty teapot, which of course also meant he ‘pours’ Mo Xuanyu a cup. And, well. They have been trying to make A-Yu understand how to play pretend, but they’ve had various degrees of success.

“Now we drink the tea,” A-Yuan, who had been explaining the basic rules to a tea party, tilts his cup near his mouth.

“It’s empty,” Mo Xuanyu stares confusedly at his toy cup, which only makes A-Yuan giggle.

“Yes! A-Die says toys can’t have tea, and then Baba said that way we can have many flavors of tea! Mine is rainbow, and Mr. Bubbles is soap, and…”

Lan Yuan then explains what everyone else is having in this small party. In the end, despite not understanding much why they were pretending to have tea, A-Yu seems to start having fun once A-Yuan asks him what flavor his tea is and he says pink and A-Yuan cheers in response.

Jiang Cheng ends up half hearing what is going on, listening as his nephew explains how ‘When you drink you raise your pinky, because it’s a party’. On the other hand, he is also paying attention to what he can hear coming from the kitchen, where Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian are talking. He only gets bits and pieces, like ‘three years?’ and “If you are already married I swear–”. 

He doesn’t fight the smile that curves his lips. Not yet, he thinks.

Not yet.

Chapter Text

“No.”

“But Wangji –”

“You are asking me to lie to my husband, Huaisang.”

Nie Huaisang scoffs, not willing to back down just yet.

“Go and tell that to your uncle, both of us know you learned to use every loophole in the Lan house rules.” And truly, Nie Huaisang doesn’t know why Lan Wangji even bothers to bring up that excuse. As if they weren’t the ones gossiping –stating truths, according to Lan Zhan– about Su She back in their school days. “It is not lying if you are, say, keeping part of the truth to yourself. If A-Ying asks, you already knew, because I am telling you now. That isn’t a lie, right? Besides, it’s a harmless prank, just a few days?”

“No,” Lan Zhan repeats, this time less convinced. 

“That’s not fair! I never ask you for anything!” He stomps his feet like a toddler, just because he knows it gets on Lan Wangji’s nerves, and gives him his most pitiful pout.

He gets an annoyed look in response, but he can also see him wavering. Because he knows Lan Wangji knows he would do anything under the sun for them. Has done everything for them.

And because he has a lifetime of being the little brother and he is a little shit, he adds, “You owe me.”

Lan Wangji sighs, and Nie Huaisang knows he has won.

“Just a few days,” he concedes. Nie Huaisang launches himself into his arms, and gets caught effortlessly.

“Yes! I love you!” he feels Lan Zhan peeling him away just a few centimeters, presumably so he can look at his face.

“Just this once, A-Sang,” he warns. “I don’t want to make a habit of hiding stuff from my husband.”

There was a point in their lives where Nie Huaisang thought Wangji would sell him for a corn chip if it made Wei Ying happy, so he will take this small victory. 

“Yeah, of course.”

“And we are even,” he adds.

“Wha– even? A-Zhan ,” Nie Huaisang said, flabbergasted. Did Lan Wangji really forget everything he has done over the literal years of knowing each other?

“There is no debt between family,” Lan Zhan answers simply.

Which doesn’t make Nie Huaisang teary eyed. Nope, not at all. He just gets this inexplicable urge of burying his face in his stupid brother’s body.

“Why are you so… you?” he whines, muffled from his hiding spot. This time, Lan Zhan doesn’t shove him away, opting for a light embrace. “You mean I could have been asking for favors all these years?”

He feels Lan Wangji huff, “You just had to ask. As long as it doesn’t involve making Wei Ying unhappy.”

Nie Huaisang makes a garbled noise, not sure how he feels about everything. 

“I mean it A-Sang. If it makes him unhappy I won’t be keeping your ruse.”

“I know,” he backs off just enough so Lan Wangji can see him pouting. “You are no fun.”

Which proves to be a mistake when his cheeks get pulled.

“I am plenty of fun. Stop being a menace.”

“Ah! You win, you win!” Lan Zhan lets him go and he has to resist the urge to pout once more, truly affronted this time. “You wouldn’t do this to A-Ying!”

“I would respond differently to him, yes.”

And Nie Huaisang has a vague idea of what that means. However, this gives him an idea.

“You know what, forget I said that, I don’t want to know. I’m going to check on my little bird.”

He leaves the studio before Lan Wangji can respond or start being a menace himself. Besides, he does need to check on A-Yu. That, and now that he has permission, bother his brother-in-law.

“Ew, no! Stop, I don’t wanna know! Go bother ChengCheng, I need a moment.”

There are hands pushing him out of the kitchen now, but he hardly minds when he is having so much fun.

“You said everything Wei-Xiong–” he adds with a shit eating grin.

“Just– go! ” Wei Ying closes the door to the kitchen, and Nie Huaisang finally bursts into a fit of laughter. He vaguely feels droplets of hot coffee burning his fingers. Right, he forgot he had a mug in each hand. It doesn’t feel like a priority when he is laughing so hard he can hardly breathe.

“You are going to burn yourself,” Jiang Cheng chides him, and Nie Huaisang can hear the smile in his voice even when his eyes are so teary he can’t even see the shape of his boyfriend. He lets go of the mugs when he feels a light tug on them. “Are you even breathing?”

Nie Huaisang lets out a high pitched ‘no’, not knowing how to stop. He wants to explain to him how each little thing he said made his brother turn a different shade of red –which hadn’t been anything compromising, Wei Ying didn’t let him go that far–, a feat on its own considering he is talking about Wei Ying of all people, but he can’t. Even less when he hears Jiang Cheng huff and slowly give in and join him, albeit less intensely. It’s even worse when he hears a faint ‘I can hear you Jiang Cheng!’ coming from the kitchen, because that startles a laugh from his boyfriend and now he can’t really stop laughing. He doesn’t even know why this literally broke him, but it’s the first time in months he feels so carefree.

He eventually regains his breath a couple of minutes later, half leaning on Jiang Cheng on the floor and in a position he has no memory of getting into. He is wiping his tears when he sees Lan Wangji come out of his room, with his phone in hand, looking disapprovingly at Nie Huaisang.

“A-Sang, why does my husband want to, and I quote, ‘bleach his brain’?”

He sees the question for what it really means, ‘Do I need to stop you already?’ written in his face. But he is having so much fun he can’t let it end yet. Plus it’s not like Wei Ying hasn’t made him –and Jiang Cheng– want to bleach his brain before, multiple times. And this is taking into account it was Nie Huaisang the one who sneaked in porn at school.

“Zhan-ge, that doesn’t count! Do you remember the beach incident? Where you two–”

“Don’t,” Nie Huaisang spots immediately the redness of his ears and knows he’s won. He didn’t want to recall that tale. Jiang Cheng doesn’t want to remember it either if his grimace is any indication. Lan Wangji doesn’t want to remember that they all know that particular information. “Point taken.”

“What indecent?” Asks Lan Yuan, leaning on the door to his room. He is, of course, accompanied by Mo Xuanyu, and both kids are looking at them with curiosity. Nie Huaisang has the hunch they have been there for several minutes.

Lan Wangji, who also seems to notice they aren’t alone, looks admonishingly at Nie Huaisang.

“Incident,” he corrects, “It’s nothing, bunny. A-Sang was just joking.”

“But I want to know ,” Lan Yuan whines. He does it so rarely it almost startles a laugh out of Nie Huaisang and then they would really be in trouble. As much as he resembles the Lan part of his family, there is no way to deny he is also Wei Ying’s son, especially not when some gestures are so… him.

“You don’t want to know,” says Jiang Cheng, trying to keep the mortification out of his voice.

“There is nothing to know,” Lan Zhan adds firmly.

“Sang-gege,” he calls when the other two adults in the room refuse to budge, making the best puppy eyes he can muster, which are way harder to deny than Wei Ying’s. Now he knows how Lan Xichen felt when he was the victim of his teary eyes.

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I really don’t know!” Because Lan Wangji is throwing him a look that says that if he does know he is dead. “Aiyah, Yuan-er. Weren’t you two playing in your room?”

Miraculously the distraction works, because suddenly it seems like Lan Yuan has remembered something very important.

“We want cake! Baba said we have cake!” He says, with his arms raised adorably in the air while making grabby hands. “A-Die, can we have cake?”

Lan Wangji looks a bit upset that A-Yuan keeps trying to take advantage when they have visits because he can get away with it more often, but he takes one look at Mo Xuanyu’s hopeful eyes and lets it be.

“I’ll be back,” he says, heading to the kitchen. 

“Cake, cake, cake!” A-Yuan starts chanting, while Mo Xuanyu watches him amused.

When Lan Wangji disappears in the kitchen, Jiang Cheng kneels in front of his nephew and takes his hands in his, effectively stopping the cake dance.

“A-Yuan, if your fathers or us say you can’t know something you have to trust us. We can spoil you sometimes without your dads knowing but it doesn’t mean you can ask us to give you permission when they said no, understood?” 

“Yes, shushu,” Lan Yuan mumbles, looking at the floor with shame.

And honestly, Nie Huaisang doesn’t understand where the fear of hurting Mo Xuanyu back when they just got him came from. The whole ‘dad-Cheng’ thing might have started like an innocent joke, but there is no way to deny this is something that comes naturally to him.

“Good boy,” he praises, pulling gently at his cheek before letting it go. “You two go play while we bring the cake, yeah?”

Lan Yuan, who doesn’t want to give his uncle time to think for another reason to chide him, quickly agrees and brings A-Yu back into his room. Jiang Cheng stays on his knees for a moment longer, just watching as the kids go back to playing with a soft mutter of ‘this brat’. When he looks up, he catches Nie Huaisang looking at him.

“What?” Jiang Cheng asks with a faint blush, no doubt expecting the usual joke.

“Nothing,” he gives him a sweet smile, helping him stand up. “I love you,” he mutters against his lips, drawing him into a chaste kiss.

“Ugh , I get it, you two are dating. Stop being disgusting in my living room,” says Wei Ying, who is balancing three plates of cake on his hands.

“You are no fun,” Nie Huaisang says, kissing Jiang Cheng on the cheek before taking two of the cakes from Wei Wuxian’s hands.

“Jiang Cheng, do you mind bringing the tea? There is tea for the kids as well,” asks Lan Zhan, who is also balancing three more plates of cake on his hands. Wei Ying takes one of them wordlessly. “I’ll bring the teacups in a moment.”

Right . He was meant to bring the coffee to the living room. Where was it again…?

“Sure,” Jiang Cheng says, leaving his side.

Wei Ying moves to place the cakes on the coffee table, but Nie Huaisang stays where he is, watching as Lan Wangji gives cake to the kids.

“A-Yuan,” he says softly when he extends the cake to his son, the kid cheering for having a treat. “For you, A-Yu,” he extends the other one to him with a small smile on his lips, mindful of Mo Xuanyu’s fear of strangers. Mo Xuanyu shyly grabs the cake, but freezes otherwise, not quite knowing what to do.

“What do we say, baobei?” Nie Huaisang gently prompts.

“Thank you,” he says softly, hesitantly. It sounds like a question, but it’s more than enough.

To his credit, Lan Wangji doesn’t react much, simply smiles wider when he says “You are welcome,” and leaves to the kitchen once again.

It feels a little bit weird, having Mo Xuanyu spending time away from them. Sure, they are sharing the same house and he hasn’t really been out of their view, but it somehow feels different when he knows neither of them is watching him. He feels giddy and proud, because his little bird is extending his wings, albeit just a little bit at a time. But they have spent so much time together, just the three of them in their little safe bubble, that even this feels a bit disruptive. It makes him think about things he doesn’t want to think about. Make him remember time is running, wonder how much of it they have left. 

He swallows it all down and says, “Such a brave boy. Go play, love. Don’t keep your cousin waiting, hm?”

“Tea is ready,” says Jiang Cheng, with a teapot  full of what he knows is herbal tea, both kids being way too young to have actual tea. Nie Huaisang notice a second one in his other hand, and gets interrupted in his attempt to grab it. “Careful, that one is actually hot.”

Jiang Cheng lets him take it this time. 

“I help! Shushu, I help!” A-Yuan says, darting from his seat.

Pouring the tea is, probably, what he enjoys the most about having tea parties. So Jiang Cheng, already used to this, asks for the teapot that comes with the set, and pours the tea inside as A-Yuan holds it. Once it's full, both of them leave the kids to resume their little tea party. 

Nie Huaisang is the one who pours the tea for both him and Lan Wangji, the coffee he originally was meant to bring already on the table. It's not that he doesn't like it, but lately it's been making him feel jittery. Jiang Cheng is, of course, waiting for him on the couch holding both of their cakes, so he unceremoniously plops himself down, takes one of them and puts his legs on top of his. 

The motion is familiar, one of the many things they’ve done for each other before their relationship, and Nie Huaisang is just realizing really how little has changed – outside of the kisses, among other things. Perhaps what is new is the sense of domesticity, of their families –as fleeting as theirs in particular might be– spending time together as such, of them catching up while the kids play. It makes his heart ache in a bittersweet way, because at least he has this moment. 

He decides to try the cake before his thoughts get the best of him and make him spiral. He already knows it's not going to be too sweet, despite the owners of the house's preferences, because Lan Zhan is mindful of the kids and 'if they are having cake, it might as well have fruit'. They went for a cake decorated with strawberries and mango this time. The sponge is moist and fluffy, and there are bits of fruit between the buttercream. Not his favorite from this particular bakery, but a pretty good one. 

They chat between sips of coffee and tea and bites of cake, and he is halfway through it when Lan Yuan gets to his parents with what has to be the 60th bunny drawing, except this time it seems he drew his family as bunnies. To be fair, he draws them so much he is getting pretty good at it. From where he is watching he can see two white bunnies, one small and one big, and one big black bunny, along with three smaller ones.

The drawing is, of course, well loved and received. Lan Yuan gets a kiss from both his parents, praised for being so thoughtful. Nie Huaisang doesn’t know why, but something makes him look back at the open room behind him. Mo Xuanyu has a crayon in his hand and, it seems, one of A-Yuan’s coloring books next to an empty plate of cake. He doesn’t seem to notice Nie Huaisang, his attention focused on his cousin and uncles. He isn’t sure exactly what Mo Xuanyu is feeling because it’s not sadness but it’s also not nothing and it makes his heart ache, but before he can do anything about it, Mo Xuanyu is back to coloring.

Right now it’s not the time to address it, they are still not home and A-Yu might feel a bit vulnerable. Trying to do so right now might make Xuanyu an unwanted center of attention and… he isn’t sure how to help just yet. So for now, he watches A-Yuan leave back to his room with a smile on his face. For now, he tries to focus back on their conversation.

A bit more than an hour goes by. He knows he isn't hiding his unease that well, at least not from Jiang Cheng, who keeps holding his hand and squeezing it gently. Nie Huaisang squeezes back and tries to be more present in the conversation. He knows the kids are still drawing-coloring, if only for the faint sound of A-Yuan’s cheerful humming. The sound doesn’t stop for a good while, so it’s a bit of a surprise when he looks to his left only to find Mo Xuanyu standing next to them.

Jiang Cheng is the first to react, “What is it, love?”

Mo Xuanyu doesn’t answer. Instead, he walks up to them and takes a paper from behind him, giving it to them both. He knows what he is looking at, even with all the jagged lines, even with the wobbly shapes, because Xuanyu has purple and green and black and brown and…

It 's perfect. Nie Huaisang feels his throat close and has to bite back a sob and hug Mo Xuanyu to stop himself from crying. It’s his first drawing and he doesn’t trust his voice just yet and thank the gods Jiang Cheng is there to join the hug and fill his tiny face with kisses until he makes A-Yu giggle.

“Look at you, drawing like your Sang-gege,” he hears Jiang Cheng say, voice thick. And it almost startles a laugh out of him and allows him to breathe easier because at the end of the day, both of them are incredibly soft for this kid. “Is it for us?”

“Yes,” Xuanyu answers shyly, and Nie Huaisang kisses him loudly on the cheek.

“We love you so much, you know that?” he says, when he is sure he won’t start bawling just from speaking. “Thank you, baobei.”

He makes an attempt to lean back, fully expecting for Mo Xuanyu to get back to playing with A-Yuan, but he gets a bit sticky after that, refusing to let go. Not that Nie Huaisang is complaining, but it makes him giggle.

“It’s hug time now?” He asks, amused. He feels A-Yu nodding against his shoulder. “You don’t want to keep playing with A-Yuan?” Another nod. “But you need to let go if you are going back there.”

Mo Xuanyu just tightens his one arm hold on Nie Huaisang’s neck, and clings to Jiang Cheng’s arm, which makes him chuckle.

“It was a big day for him, he must be tired,” says Lan Wangji from the other couch, where Wei Ying is watching them with a pensive look.

They don’t stay for that long after. Mo Xuanyu is, indeed, very tired from playing all day, so they say their goodbyes and go back home. It’s not just him who is exhausted, Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng don’t get to do as many things as they wanted to when they get back home. They settle for dinner and a quiet afternoon and a –somewhat– early night.

The next morning greets him with a lot of work.

And a new paper on the fridge.

Chapter Text

It’s been just a few days since the kids’ tea party. Since then, and in an attempt to help him be ready for daycare, they have been leaving Mo Xuanyu for a couple of hours in his brother’s house, with various degrees of success. The very first time they hadn’t even made it to the door, with A-Yu breaking into tears and running behind them. They hadn’t had the heart to try and convince him to stay, and he had been so inconsolable they had to get back home immediately. It got easier after that, if just a little, when Mo Xuanyu noticed they kept their promise to get him back home. Honestly, he doesn’t know if the change has been harsher on A-Yu or them.

If separation was already hard on all of them when it was just for a few hours, Jiang Cheng didn’t even want to think what would happen when Mo Xuanyu has to leave them for good. He has been avoiding it, the mere thought enough to dry his mouth. He knows, logically, that it will happen. That A-Yu will love Yanli, simply because she will be the best mom in the world. That even when they no longer live together, he will still be their nephew.

It’s why he pushes himself to talk to Wen Ning, to ask if there is a problem if Mo Xuanyu doesn’t go all the time to the daycare while he gets used to it. Even when it feels like pulling teeth. Even when he knows that he is using those hours apart to look blankly at his laptop screen. When he walks by Nie Huaisang’s studio and catches him staring at the distance, a brush with paint in his hand and no attempts to actually work, because deep down, Jiang Cheng knows they are both thinking the same.

Mo Xuanyu didn’t do well when Nie Mingjue came to bring Baxia home, either. He had only let go with the promise of having her back every few days or so, and even then, he had been weepy the rest of the day.

These days have not been easy on them, but they are trying.

Wen Ning has been visiting A-Yuan when Mo Xuanyu is visiting as well, to get him used to him in a safe environment, sometimes staying with the kids when neither Wangji or Wei Wuxian can be at home for them. He thinks it will be helpful, adding yet another adult whom A-Yu feels safe with.

It 's not helpful.

With Nie Huaisang being so close to his deadlines, Jiang Cheng goes to the daycare by himself and barely makes it to the exit before Mo Xuanyu gets hold of his leg, bawling his eyes out and calling for him. It doesn’t matter if he knows Wen Ning or if it’s a safe space, because no amount of promises are enough to stop his tears or to make him stay, so Jiang Cheng has no option but to bring him back home.

“It’s okay,” he whispers, patting his back while he bounces him. “It’s okay buddy, we can try tomorrow.”

It’s not ok. He has to cancel a meeting with his mother, opting for a video-call instead, and she is definitely not happy about it. Nie Huaisang has to take care of A-Yu for those hours instead of working, and no amount of reassurance from his part is enough to drown his guilt.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t blame the kid at all, even when he is angry and feels the familiar need to lash out. At the Mo’s, for hurting him so badly he only trusts a handful of people. At his mom, because even when she doesn’t know about his existence, he knows she won’t accept him. At himself, for failing Huaisang and Xuanyu over and over again.

They try again the next day, both of them this time. Nie Huaisang has a meeting scheduled with his brother about the designs he’s made for their brand, and Jiang Cheng doesn’t think he can escape going to work again without raising suspicion. If this doesn’t work, they’ll be in trouble.

But things rarely go the way Jiang Cheng wants and, predictably, Mo Xuanyu gets teary eyed the moment they step out of the car and he notices where they are. They get nowhere near the door before A-Yu decides to cling to their legs, effectively stopping them from going forward.

“No,” he says against their legs, and the tone he uses makes Jiang Cheng’s heart ache. He knows, logically, that this shouldn’t be a big deal, that it's just a few hours, that no matter how scared Xuanyu is, he will be safe.

The fact that he knows that doesn’t make it any easier.

“Oh, baobei,” Nie Huaisang tries to gently pry Mo Xuanyu away from their legs, unsuccessfully. When that doesn’t work, he runs his fingers through his hair in a soothing motion. “You don’t want to play with A-Yuan?” He tries.

“I want,” comes the muffled, sad response.

“Is it Ning-Gege?” Jiang Cheng asks. Mo Xuanyu shakes his head against their legs.

“Then what is it, love?” Nie Huaisang asks, trying to keep a calm tone.

For this, Mo Xuanyu looks up at them, eyes full of tears and face red, “Stay.”

Well, shit.

“Come here, my little bird,” Nie Huaisang is trying to sound normal, but Jiang Cheng can hear the strain in his voice. Mo Xuanyu finally lets go of their legs in favor of stretching his arms so he can be carried.

Honestly, what the fuck were they expecting? They have been leaving him with other people for some hours almost daily after being with him basically all day long for weeks now. Xuanyu hasn’t told them before, but if they have been missing him when he is away he should have expected it was the same, if not worse, for the kid.

Mo Xuanyu clings to the shoulder of his suit, and Jiang Cheng brings both him and Huaisang into a hug.

“You've been so brave these days baobei,” Nie Huaisang whispers while rubbing his back. “This is just like when Ning-gege takes care of you, I promise.”

Jiang Cheng doesn't point out that's exactly what he told him the day before, hoping beyond hope that Mo Xuanyu will listen to him. While they are trying to calm him down, he can see Wen Ning near the doors before disappearing back inside. 

Nie Huaisang gives him a helpless look over Xuanyu’s head, and Jiang Cheng can only hold them tighter because he knows. The clock is ticking, but even when they left home early preparing for this scenario, the truth is it doesn't matter as long as they are at a standstill.

Just when he is about to suggest having a second meeting online, Wen Ning heads towards them with a finger on his lips and A-Yuan mirroring him in his arms. With the way Mo Xuanyu is hiding in Nie Huaisang’s body, he isn't able to notice they have company.

“Ah, I was wondering if I would see little A-Yu today,” Wen Ning says, clearly trying to get a reaction from the kid. 

“Don't you want to say hi to Ning-gege?” Jiang Cheng asks and tries not to grimace, because Xuanyu might be a kid but he is smart and knows they are trying to leave him with him.

“No,” Mo Xuanyu says, tilting his head to look at him with teary eyes. 

“Even when Ning-gege has a surprise for you?” Wen Ning adds playfully, gently placing his fingers on his back.

Mo Xuanyu tilts his whole body to look at Wen Ning with confusion. He barely has a second to process what he is looking at when A-Yuan yells ‘Surprise!’

Jiang Cheng can feel him flinch at the sudden noise, but he is leaning forward towards his cousin just a few seconds later.

“I found this little bunny waiting for you in the playroom. He was sad you didn't get to play yesterday.”

“We play today! Yesterday Ning-Shushu was dinosaur because he is big, but today–”

A-Yuan starts retelling their play session excitedly. Something about a city and a dog, and then he derailed saying his baba doesn't like dogs but it's ok because he can like all the animals and he loves Princess. Jiang Cheng can't quite follow the conversation as a wave of relief hits him. They are not in the clear yet but Mo Xuanyu seems excited to go play with his cousin by the way he is wiggling in their arms. 

They lower the kids to the ground and watch as A-Yuan starts dragging his cousin to the doors. Mo Xuanyu does stop when he notices they are not following, frowning lightly. Jiang Cheng takes the chance to kneel in front of him and take his hands, squeezing them gently.

“We will be back for you, yeah? If you go play with your cousin and have fun you won't feel the time and we will be back soon, ok?”

Mo Xuanyu still seems hesitant, “You promise?”

“We promise,” he lightly pinches his cheek. “Behave and don't give trouble to Ning-gege, understand? Both of you,” he adds, looking at the kids. They answer with a ‘yes shushu/gege’ and Jiang Cheng opens his arms. “Now come here you two.”

He holds his kids tightly, and for a moment he is afraid Xuanyu won't let him go. 

“What about me, hm? Don't I get a hug too?” Asks Nie Huaisang.

The kids giggle and run to hug their Sang-gege, who squeezes them and kisses them until both of them squirm out of his hold, laughing and fleeing into the daycare. 

“Smart,” he praises, and Nie Huaisang winks at him.

It is then when Wen Ning approaches them, an apologetic smile on his face.

“I would have offered to babysit them but…” he glances nervously at the doors, “I don’t count on a replacement today.

“It’s fine,” says Jiang Cheng, to reassure Wen Ning or his own lingering uneasiness, he isn’t sure anymore. Then he leans a bit closer and whispers, “Huaisang has work today, call me first if something happens,” to which he receives a small nod in response. 

They get into the car with barely any spare time. They are not late but they won't be getting there early. 

“What did you tell Wen-Xiong you didn't want me to hear, hm?” Nie Huaisang asks teasingly as Jiang Cheng starts the engine. He rolls his eyes fondly because of course his boyfriend wouldn't let it pass.

“Just a small favor, don't worry about it.”

Nie Huaisang hums but lets it drop, knowing Jiang Cheng will surely fold and tell him later. For now, they have places to be and work to do.

He drops Huaisang at work first, already thinking about where would be a nice place to bring him and Xuanyu after work. He wonders if ice cream is an apology enough for letting Mo Xuanyu at the daycare when he had been scared.

Jiang Cheng moves to the meeting room as soon as he is out of his car. 

These last few meetings have been a bit less dire, having convinced most of their partners not to withdraw their assets from the company. However, they are not stupid. This is business, so of course, some of them are staying for a price.

Whether they are willing to pay that price, or if it's worth even trying to cater to their demands, is yet to be seen.

They are in the middle of said negotiations, a good hour and a half later, when he feels the vibrations of his phone in his pocket. He discreetly checks the caller id and feels his stomach fall to the floor.

It’s Wen Ning.

It’s Wen Ning and he can’t answer . He bites his tongue and tries to ignore the vibrations, promising himself that he will call back as soon as possible. Clears his throat and dismisses the interruption, “As I was saying…”

The meeting goes on, and after some minutes his father is the one who leads the conversation. He is sitting close to the screen when he receives the second call. Of course, having noticed the previous interruption, his father looks at him and asks,“Is something wrong?”

And he is lucky this meeting is led by his father and not his mother, because he wouldn’t dare interrupt otherwise.

“I’m sorry, it seems I need to take this call,” he says as professionally as possible, making it seem work related instead of a personal matter.

He exits the conference room in a haste, keeping the air of professionalism right until he is far enough.

“Yes?”

Mo Xuanyu’s cries reach him faster than Wen Ning’s voice, and the uneasiness he felt in the morning is back with a vengeance.

“I’m sorry, no matter what I try, I can’t calm him down. There was a situation with one of the kids and…”

Jiang Cheng thinks he imagines it the first time, the faint cry of ‘A-Niang’ going through the speaker, but then he hears it two, three more times. And then Wen Ning confirms it for him.

“He has been crying for her for over an hour now,” he says, apologetic. Which means he waited until there was no other option than to call them. “I know you told me not to, but I was considering calling Nie-Xiong in case you didn’t answer.”

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, already grabbing his coat and his laptop. “It’s not necessary, don’t worry about it. Put A-Yu on the phone for me?”

“Of course, give me a moment.”

There is a bit of shuffling, and suddenly he can hear Mo Xuanyu’s cries with more clarity.

“A-Yu?”

There is a pause, a sniffle before he gets a wobbly, “Gege?”

“Hi baobei, what’s wrong?”

“I want h-home,” Mo Xuanyu says between hiccups.

“I know, I know. Do you want me to pick you up so we can go home together?”

“Mhm,” even when Jiang Cheng offered to get him home, Mo Xuanyu doesn’t sound any less sad.

“I’m on my way now,” he says, already walking to the elevator, “You think you can be brave for me just for a few minutes and wait for me? Just for a bit.”

“...Okay.”

“That’s my boy. You stay there with Ning-Gege for a little longer, yeah?” Jiang Cheng says his goodbyes and cuts the call, praying he won’t find his mother on the way down.

He knows he really shouldn’t leave, but what other option does he have? He can’t bring him to the office, and he doesn’t feel comfortable leaving him with Nie Huaisang when he’s had to cover for him multiple times already. That, however, doesn’t mean he will keep him in the dark.

He is about to send him a message when he sees the three dots signaling his boyfriend is writing.

🐦A-Sang🐦

[09:43]

ChengCheng, I’m booooreeeed

Tell my brother he doesn’t need me in the room anymore, I wanna be home already

How is your meeting going?

Me:

I’m picking up A-Yu. Wen Ning called.

He can see Nie Huaisang has read the text, but he doesn’t start typing just yet. Jiang Cheng barely manages to get to the lower floor before his cell phone vibrates once again. The moment he accepts the call he can hear Huaisang speaking, way before he has the chance to get his phone near his ear.

“ –icking him up, don't worry,” comes the muffled voice of his boyfriend.

Jiang Cheng can hear movement at the other side of the line, probably Nie Huaisang picking up his things. And that won't do.

“Don't worry? Huaisang, your brother needs you and you are in a meeting,” Jiang Cheng walks through the lobby, nodding politely to the guards as they greet him with a ‘Mr. Jiang’, who will probably inform his mother of his departure the second he is out of view.

“Am I?” Nie Huaisang asks almost innocently, if not for the worry etched to his tone. 

“Not anymore, I guess,” says Nie Mingjue with a tired voice.

“See? I can pick him up. I wasn't lying when I said I was no longer needed.” Jiang Cheng gets inside his car and fumbles with his phone so he can put on his seat belt. Then he remembers Bluetooth exists.

“I– A-Sang, it doesn't matter. I already left the damn meeting and I will need to answer A-Die’s questioning anyway,” he says, starting the car. Even if he turned back at this point, he wouldn't be able to settle, let alone work. Not after listening to A-Yu.

“ A-Cheng ,” comes the reproachful tone, “what about your mother?”

“She isn't happy with me anyway,” he answers simply. 

Has never been, his mind supplies. 

He knows where she is coming from now, after years of therapy and trying to undo the damage his parents did to the three of them. He knows it's her way of worrying for his future, even if it comes out in a twisted way. She is doing what she thinks it's best for him, with no regard to what he actually needs, nor his opinion on it. But he would be stupid if he didn't know there is a bit of selfishness there. Reputation is everything for Yu Ziyuan after all.

“Precisely! A-Cheng. My ChengCheng . This will only make it worse for you. Let me pick him up.”

“...You didn't hear him, A-Sang. I told him I would be there.”

Jiang Cheng taps nervously on the wheel, waiting for the lights to change color. He hears a sigh at the other side of the line, can imagine his boyfriend running a hand through his hair. It's the sound of acceptance and he knows Nie Huaisang won't push anymore, knows he understands why he can't break this promise. After all, Nie Huaisang was there all those times his father went to school and dropped everything to get Wei Wuxian out of trouble, not even once doing the same for his ‘other’ son. 

He doesn't want Mo Xuanyu to even doubt he will be there for him. 

“At least pick me up? We told him we would be there,” Nie Huaisang deflates, and it sounds like he let himself fall on a chair.

“Of course. I'll be there in three minutes.”

It was lucky, really, that the building is on the way to the daycare. Not that he wouldn't pick Nie Huaisang up from his work regardless, but it saves him from making extra turns. 

Three minutes later, Nie Huaisang is opening the door to their car. 

“What did Wen Ning tell you, anyway?” He asks, putting on his seatbelt. 

Jiang Cheng grimaces in response, “He wants his mom.”

“...Oh.”

The rest of the ride is silent. The daycare isn't really far from either of their buildings, but the situation makes the few minutes they take to reach it feel eternal. 

When they get out of the car, Wen Ning is outside the entrance, bouncing A-Yu. He hears the faint ‘look who is here!’ as Wen Ning points to them, and he can see A-Yu squirming out of his hold. Wen Ning manages to put him safely on the ground and next thing they know, he is sprinting towards them. Jiang Cheng kneels and catches him in a hug, watching as Nie Huaisang hugs them both. Mo Xuanyu gets little hands pulling at their clothes, as if he is trying to get even closer, as if they are not almost crushing him already. 

A sound comes out of his mouth, like he wants to say something, except it breaks into a sob, followed by several more. 

“I know, I know baobei. We got you,” he rubs a hand on his back in soothing motions, can feel the hiccups and sobs on his palm.

“It's ok,” whispers Nie Huaisang, “we are going home. We promise.”

Getting into the car is a whole other problem, because it means they have to pass him from one's arms to the other’s and A-Yu is not happy with letting neither of them go. They end up promising it will be just five seconds, and then Nie Huaisang has to race inside the car with Mo Xuanyu at his hip, and Jiang Cheng getting quick on the other side and closing the door. He drives all the way home with a little hand on his shoulder. 

It's somehow better and worse, once they get home. Jiang Cheng makes sure to turn his phone off, not wanting to hear from the office or his parents. One crisis at a time. A-Yu is still crying but it's reduced to sniffles, and both of them have to be on viewing distance at all times. Jiang Cheng has to cook dinner with both of them in the kitchen, and they are back to not receiving verbal answers from the kid. He doesn't want to play, doesn't want to watch movies, doesn't want to color. They make the mistake of asking if there is something he wants and the waterworks start running again, because Mo Xuanyu wants the one thing they can't possibly give him. 

Nie Huaisang looks very much like he is going to join Mo Xuanyu but he is holding it in, just barely, as he bounces him around in an attempt to soothe him. Princess doesn't seem to know who to follow because everyone in the house smells sad, and she ends up following at least one of them all the time.

They manage to calm him down eventually, his cries reduced to little whimpers. He is running a little hot from all the crying, and they put wet towels on his head to help with the headache. 

It's not even late when they get to bed that night, with A-Yu sleeping between them and a fresh towel on his forehead. They are worn out in a way they haven't been since the first few days they've got Mo Xuanyu living with them, and the kid is more than exhausted from crying all day. 

Even then, only he and Princess are the ones actually getting any sleep in the bed. 

The lights are off, but it's been so long his eyes have adjusted to the darkness and he can see Nie Huaisang staring at him in the silence. Huaisang is blinking a lot, like he is trying not to cry still, his breathing forcefully calm, his hands clenching the blankets. It's been jarring for all of them, but for Nie Huaisang who has covered for him several times lately and hasn't had a chance to deal with his anxiety… 

“It's ok,” Jiang Cheng whispers in the dark, reaching to gently cup his face.

The moment he makes contact with his cheek, Nie Huaisang takes a quivering breath in as silent tears fall from his eyes. He is trying so hard not to make a sound, not to wake A-Yu up or worry him. Not that his A-Sang is a particularly loud crier, but he understands. 

“I am,” Nie Huaisang whispers a broken sob, “so tired. I'm exhausted and angry and…” he trails off, unable to continue.

“Me too,” he admits, and it's now that he notices he also has his face wet. “Come here,” he whispers, carefully leaning towards the center as Nie Huaisang does the same on the other side. 

The first brush of lips is feather-like and salty with tears. Fragile. They part for a moment, and Nie Huaisang watches him like he is looking for something in his eyes. Then Nie Huaisang closes the distance, like he can't stand staying apart any longer, and Jiang Cheng meets him halfway. It's in moments like these where he feels like he is drowning and the only thing keeping him afloat is Nie Huaisang. But it's not fair he has been leaning on him all the time, and he doesn't know how to put in words his gratefulness and guilt, so he kisses him. More than a simple brush of lips, but without the usual heat. Less lust and more of a promise to be there. 

He feels Nie Huaisang cling to him with one arm, bringing him closer, the other wrapped under Mo Xuanyu. Jiang Cheng holds them tighter, and it's a miracle Mo Xuanyu doesn't even stir. 

Not for the first time, he catches himself wishing to shield them both from any pain. To not feel useless and full of anger when he fails, not knowing how to fix it. 

He could see Nie Huaisang's heart break each time A-Yu called for his mum, no doubt a mirror of his own. 'I'm not enough' is what echoed in his head. 'We are not enough', what it felt like with each helpless look Nie Huaisang sent his way, because they are not his parents. And yet.

When they part and Nie Huaisang opens his eyes he knows it.

They are not ready to let him go.

Chapter Text

Jiang Cheng startles awake from a kick on his ribs. He blinks blearily and tries to make sense of his surroundings. They are tangled in a mess of limbs and now that he is moving a bit, the blood is rushing back to the arm he has under both Nie Huaisang and Mo Xuanyu in an unpleasant static feeling. A-Yu somehow has drifted closer to him, clinging to his shirt and openly drooling. 

And he has his feet painfully digging in Jiang Cheng’s ribs.

He startles a second time, once he realizes there is just too much light in the room and his alarm didn't go off, only to remember he didn't even set it the night before, too stressed out for even considering going to work. He was already in trouble, nothing that he did would possibly make it worse, and they all had had an extremely shitty day. 

Jiang Cheng does extract himself carefully from the bed, if only to check nothing has gone on fire at work in the last few hours. There are a ton of texts and like a hundred calls from his mom demanding for him to be at work, but he ignores those. 

There is a text from his sister, however. 

A-Jie

[8:20 a.m.]

Didi, do you think A-Yu would like the zoo?

There has never been a moment in his life where he dreaded receiving a text from his sister before this moment. Jiang Cheng takes a deep breath, and it does absolutely nothing to calm the sudden wave of nausea. It feels like it's too soon, even when he knows it's not. He steadies himself and types ‘I'm pretty sure he would love it. Why?’, in a poorly veiled attempt at playing stupid. Then blocks his phone and puts it back on the nightstand. Jiang Cheng already knows his sister is going to ask to see the kid, and that single text just makes him double down on trying to make the best of the day. They don't have– he doesn't know how long it will be before they have to part.

His shuffling in the bed has finally woken up Nie Huaisang, who tries to stubbornly cling to his shirt to stop him from moving further.

“ ‘om back to sleep,” he slurs without opening his eyes. 

And he is tempted. So, so tempted. But he also wants to do something nice for them. And to be away if his sister messages him back, in case he has an emotional crisis. 

“If I get back to sleep, how are you going to get breakfast in bed,” is what he says instead. This is what makes Nie Huaisang open his eyes. Kinda.

“We get breakfast in bed?” He asks excitedly, but Jiang Cheng can see how bad he is struggling to keep his eyes open. It's cute. 

He can't quite stop a snort, carefully leaning over the two of them to place a chaste kiss on his boyfriend’s lips.

“Go back to sleep. I won't be gone for long.”

“M’kay. Love you,” Nie Huaisang babbles, already falling back asleep and unconsciously bringing A-Yu closer to himself.

Jiang Cheng makes it to the kitchen before the screen of his phone lights up with a second text from his sister. He places it on the counter and unlocks it, hands shaky.

A-Jie

[8:24 a.m.]

A-Xuan and I were thinking the zoo might be
a good place to spend time together as a family

We were thinking of having you over but we
thought it might feel a bit threatening for A-Yu

A-Ling is growing so fast, but he can't 

play with him yet

It's ridiculous, really, that he feels threatened because his sister wants to see her soon-to-be son. He agrees, trying to sound casual because, what else is he going to tell his sister? ‘No’?

Me:

Sure, we could use the breather

A-Jie:

Did something happen?

Me:

Long story

A-Sang needs a break and yesterday was a hard day for A-Yu

A-Jie:

…Do you need to talk about it?

Me:

Maybe later

We are trying not to think about it for now

A-Jie:

Oh, A-Cheng

I'm sorry

Me:

It's ok

We are fine, just taking things slow for today

Trying to make him feel safe again 

before we move him around

A-Jie:

Aww, poor baby

Give him a hug for me?

Me:

Of course

And she might not have called him, but he knows instinctively she says it with so much tenderness for a kid that she hasn’t seen much of yet, and Jiang Cheng’s heart clenches painfully.

A-Jie:

Take care of A-Sang too

And don't try to elope without telling your big sister!

I promise I'm telling A-Xian you lied to him if you do!

It is that message what makes him chuckle and allows him to breathe easier.

Me:

Wouldn't dream of it

You and Sang-er would kill me

His phone becomes silent after his sister sends him a single purple heart, happy now that he's promised not to betray her, and he has to start making breakfast for real this time.

He figures it's best to prepare something easy on the stomach. Steams some rice and warms up a bit of soup along with some milk with honey. Both Nie Huaisang and Mo Xuanyu need the pick me up, and he wants nothing more but to take care of them. He makes sure to include some protein for Huaisang and a bit of fruit for A-Yu. 

It is precisely when he is trying to fit everything in a single tray when the sound of naked feet running on the hallway reaches his ears. He turns just in time to watch as a disheveled Nie Huaisang hurriedly grabs the frame of the kitchen door.

“A-Cheng! It's almost nine!” He pants, the last traces of sleep still clinging to his face even in his panicked state.

“It's ok A-Sa–”

“No it's not!” His boyfriend squawks. “You have work! You left early yesterday, if you skip today Madam Yu is going to kill you and I'm too young to be a widower!”

“We are not married yet,” he tries to reason.

“Even worse! A-Cheng ,” Nie Huaisang half whines half begs, already throwing him a murderous glance because he is being difficult.

To be fair, he knows his boyfriend has a good point and that he is the one being reasonable here. But he did mean it when he said he was tired. Of hiding when they were just helping, of having to juggle which days they went to work, of failing miserably when it was supposed to be him giving Nie Huaisang a chance to do so. And honestly? Jiang Cheng was quickly running out of fucks to give.

It is starting to get to a point where he is wondering if it's even worth it to follow his mother’s requests for him to keep his job. Not that he truly thinks his parents would strip him from his position in the company, not when he is the sole heir, but still. Just how much of his life is he willing to sacrifice to keep them happy?

So instead, he walks over to his boyfriend, hands tracing gentle circles on his shoulders and says, “Hey, it's ok. I told you yesterday, didn't I? I'm already in trouble. If she is going to be mad at me, let it be because I took a break from everything.”

Nie Huaisang visibly deflates with a sigh, melting against his body. Jiang Cheng brings him closer, resting his cheek on top of his head, hands seeking the comfort of touching skin under his loose t-shirt.

“You win,” Nie Huaisang says against his collarbone, “but if she comes knocking on our door, you are the one opening it.”

Jiang Cheng snorts, the air ruffling Huaisang's hair, “Deal.”

“Speaking of deals,” Nie Huaisang says innocently, head tilting up to see him, “someone promised me breakfast in bed.”

“You would be having breakfast already if you had stayed there,” Jiang Cheng pinches his sides, rolling his eyes fondly. Nie Huaisang jolts in his arms, smacking his lower back in retaliation.

“Jiang Cheng!” He chides, an objection already forming on his tongue before Jiang Cheng interrupts him.

“Help me bring this to the room?” He asks, tilting his head towards their cooling breakfast. 

Nie Huaisang huffs and lets him go as Jiang Cheng tries to fit as much as he can in the tray.

“ Fine ,” he says, “but don't think I'm letting it go that easily,” Nie Huaisang takes the mugs and both of them head towards the hallway.

“What can I do so you forget this?” he asks, still playful. He knows his boyfriend doesn't feel as betrayed as he is pretending to be.

He is, however, a menace.

“Hmmm…” Nie Huaisang looks at him mischievously, with a certain hunger in his eyes, “I can think of a couple of things for when A-Yu is asleep.”

Definitely a menace.

“If A-Yu can sleep on his own, whatever you want,” he promises, because he is but a man and Jiang Cheng isn't stupid. With how things have been lately, they hadn’t had much time for doing more than making out here and there, maybe a few touches before sleeping.

Nie Huaisang beams at him and steals a quick kiss before they reach the room, somehow without spilling their milk.

They put everything on the nightstands, the air quickly filling with the scent of food, the sound making Princess stir awake at the end of the bed. She sniffs the air with interest, fully awake now that there is the unspoken promise of a piece of their food.

“You can’t eat yet you silly girl!” Says Nie Huaisang, grabbing her face with both hands and kissing her forehead repeatedly until she squirms out of his hold.

The other occupant of their bed is still deeply asleep though, not even Nie Huaisang’s antics have managed to wake him up yet. It makes sense, with how much the poor little guy cried the day before, and Jiang Cheng feels bad for having to wake him up. He gently rubs Xuanyu’s shoulder, squeezing a little bit when that doesn’t feel like enough until he feels him stir awake. 

“Hi buddy,” Jiang Cheng says in a low voice. Mo Xuanyu tries to blink away the sleepiness with little success, and the expressionless way he stares at Jiang Cheng makes him look like a very small adult who is processing the fact he is awake. It startles a laugh out of both of them, and he tries to suppress it by saying, “Good morning Xiao Yu, slept well?”

Instead of answering, A-Yu starts stretching, with his arms going all the way up to the headboard and his feet going straight under the covers.

“Big stretch!” Nie Huaisang coos, his hand patting A-Yu 's chest lightly. “Are you awake now my baby bird?” 

“Mhm,” Mo Xuanyu mumbles, still a bit disoriented but finally awake. “G’moning.”

“Good morning baobei,” Nie Huaisang gives Xuanyu the same treatment he gave Princess, kissing his face until he breaks into giggles and shoves his mouth away with both hands. Nie Huaisang takes said hands into his, waving them excitedly. “Guess what Xiao Yu! We are having breakfast in bed! And we can watch a movie!”

“We watch a movie?” Mo Xuanyu asks excitedly.

“Yes,” Jiang Cheng says, carding his fingers through his hair, “you pick, kiddo.”

They settle on the bed with Xuanyu in the middle and Princess at the end of it, the pillows shoved between their backs and the headboard. They put on a kid’s movie, one of those Jiang Cheng says he is not interested in but has watched from time to time with Nie Huaisang on the weekends, long before Mo Xuanyu came into their lives. It is different now, watching with A-Yu. Domestic, like when he and his siblings did the same when they were kids. Like Wei Ying, Nie Huaisang has always been the kind of person who sings along if he knows the lyrics, and A-Yu greatly enjoys his antics. 

It fills him with a warm feeling, and Jiang Cheng might or might not be glancing at them from time to time between mouthfuls instead of paying attention. There must be something in his gaze, because Nie Huaisang doesn’t say anything in front of A-Yu, but he looks at him in a way that says ‘I know you are hiding something from me’. Jiang Cheng doesn't feel like souring the mood with the news that this might be one of their last mornings like this, so he says nothing.

They spend the morning like that, watching movies and eating in bed, with Princess begging for scraps of food. They have to stop Xuanyu from giving her things she isn't supposed to eat at least twice.

Halfway through the second movie, Nie Huaisang runs out of the room for a bathroom break. Jiang Cheng pauses the movie, even when he knows Nie Huaisang has seen this one in particular way too many times for him to actually need it. He cuddles with Mo Xuanyu while they wait, the kid resting his cheek on his chest. A couple of minutes go by, with A-Yu pinching and twisting the fabric of Jiang Cheng’s pajamas absentmindedly.

It is in that silence when Mo Xuanyu asks innocently, as if he isn’t about to break Jiang Cheng in a million pieces, "Gege, are you A-die?”

There is a silence that follows, thick in the way Jiang Cheng doesn’t seem to be able to breathe, asphyxiating. And when Jiang Cheng doesn’t – can’t – answer, A-Yu looks up at him with big eyes and asks, “Baba?"

He is suddenly, painfully reminded of that morning where he was in the kitchen by himself, when Mo Xuanyu decided that was the day he trusted them enough to start talking to them. When Jiang Cheng had to blink rapidly to keep the tears away, not unlike this exact moment.

And it would have been so easy, telling the truth, saying he was his uncle. And yet, he doesn't have the heart to– he doesn't think he can tell him he isn't , mentally recoiling when he tries to roll the word off his tongue, a yearning so deep and real he has to take a moment before he is able to say, "I– we'll decide later on that, yeah?"

Jiang Cheng tries to rationalize it. The question doesn't feel like Mo Xuanyu wants him to be his dad, but made out of genuine confusion, so he tries to think where he would have gotten such an idea.

Did he pick it up from them talking to Princess from calling each other A-Die and Baba? Or did he watch A-Yuan calling Wei Ying and Wangji like that?

His thoughts are interrupted when Nie Huaisang opens the door to his room, extra snacks in hand.

“I'm back!” He announces, clearly excited for his loot. Most of it is dehydrated fruit, cookies and yogurt. “A-Cheng?” Jiang Cheng must have taken too long to school his expression into something neutral, because Huaisang’s voice is subtly etched with worry.

“It's nothing,” he says, eyes darting to Mo Xuanyu. “Come here.”

‘ Later ,’ he means, when A-Yu can't listen.

Nie Huaisang, to his credit, recovers quickly and makes his way up to them. He breaks a single cookie into Xuanyu’s yogurt and feeds him spoonfuls, not trusting the kid with this kind of food while they are in the bed.

Despite everything, he finds himself relaxing again. Not completely, but he manages to shove his problems to the back of his mind for the time being. They keep watching the movie, with Nie Huaisang giving him concerned glances from time to time. Jiang Cheng reaches out to take his hand and squeezes it in reassurance, bringing it up so he can kiss the back of his hand.

His attempts at keeping his boyfriend as relaxed as possible are short lived. Between him postponing talking about his worries and his phone lighting up each time his mother sends him an angry message, Nie Huaisang seems more and more jittery. It's subtle enough that a person outside of their circle wouldn't notice it, but Jiang Cheng is well versed in Huaisang’s body language. Would it be worse if he turns off his phone? On one hand, Nie Huaisang wouldn't have to look at the screen from the corner of his eye with increasing anxiety. On the other hand, it will surely piss his mom off. 

But.

It should be like ripping a band-aid, right? If he answers the call. That way she will stop with the constant messaging and they should be able to not think about it for the rest of the day.

Hopefully.

So, the next time his phone lights up with a call, just when Nie Huaisang is choosing their next movie, he sighs heavily and reaches for his phone. Nie Huaisang gives him a questioning look.

“I think it's for the best if I take the call. It's ok if you start the movie, we've watched this one before,” he says in his most reassuring tone, already heading for the door.

“Are you sure?” Nie Huaisang asks, and Jiang Cheng knows he means the call, not the movie. But A-Yu is there, watching them with curiosity.

“Yeah. I don't know how long it will take, or how it will go,” he gives him a meaningful look. They know the conversations can sometimes get heated, even with Jiang Cheng not raising his voice to his mom. Nie Huaisang gives him a worried look, but doesn't protest.

“Got it. Good luck ChengCheng!” 

He hears when Nie Huaisang raises the volume a little higher right as he is closing the door to his room. The walls have good insulation, but it's better to be safe.

By the time he is in their backyard, it's too late to answer the call. Before he has the chance to call his mom himself though, a new call is on display.

He is going to hate this, isn't he?

Jiang Cheng takes a deep breath and unlocks his phone with dread. He barely has time to put the speaker on his ear before the cold voice of his mother comes through it.

“You have five seconds to start explaining why you are not at work,” she seethes, venom dripping from her voice. 

And well. Jiang Cheng can't say he wasn't expecting it, but the tone, that special tone when she is extremely pissed off, has always managed to give him goosebumps. 

“I've been busy,” and he knows as soon as the words leave his mouth it's the shittiest excuse he's given to his mom, considering he hasn't done anything work-related all day.

But it's not like any excuse would be sufficient to his mom. This is a losing battle from the start.

“Busy, you say,” she says, mocking. “Jiang Cheng, do you think I'm stupid?”

“No–”

“You think I wouldn't find out what you've been helping Jin Zixuan with? That you have been taking care of that bastard?! Is that what you've been ‘busy’ with?”

Jiang Cheng feels his stomach drop, and for a moment, he isn't certain his heart is still beating.

She knows . 

The realization hits him suddenly, devastatingly, like ice-cold water running through his veins, and he barely manages to control the sudden wave of nausea. 

He should feel proud about how long they managed to keep her in the dark. They don't call his mom The Violet Spider for nothing, with a net of information only she knows how to weave. However, the only thing he feels is dread.

“Don't you have shame? Do you know what people would say if they knew?” She snarls.

And she goes on, but Jiang Cheng can no longer pay attention to truly listen to her, because along with the ice-cold dread, there is anger simmering. Shame? Of A-Yu? Shame is what Jin Guangshan should have felt for not being able to keep it in his pants. For letting who knows how many women believe in a lie and raise his kids by themselves. 

So what if Mo Xuanyu was born out of wedlock? Why did that even matter? Why was that so fucking important to people?!

“That’s not his fault!” he snaps at her.

“Do you believe they care? That people stop just because–”

“ I don't care what they fucking think, A-Niang!” He prays Mo Xuanyu can't truly hear him, because he is no longer in control of his voice. “Why do you care?!”

“How do you think this will affect the company? We already had to remove A-Xuan from the branding because of that man! ”

“Then I will quit! That way you can keep your business partners!”

“ Jiang Cheng ,” she warns. “Listen to me carefully. You will get rid of all the distractions you have and come back to work.”

“Or what?” He asks, because apparently he is not done digging his grave. “I already said I quit.”

There is a heavy silence, a pause similar to when a viper prepares to strike an unsuspecting prey.

“...You don't know what you are asking for.”

“ Try me .”

And he turns off his phone, not even bothering to tap on the hang up button.

There is a deafening silence as he stares at the dark screen. When, after a few moments, the weight of his actions settle down. He really fucked up, didn't he? Because, as the anger bleeds out the only thing that stubbornly clings to his bones is fear. Jiang Cheng of all people knows what a terrible idea it is to challenge his mother, for he is her son and neither of them know how to back out from one. And he just–

The thing is, he truly doesn't care what the fuck their business partners think about the whole thing. Neither Jin Zixuan nor Mo Xuanyu are at fault here, and the kid is nothing but a ray of sun in his life. But now he is afraid his mom will try to do something to prevent him from joining their family. 

Surely with him being Jin Zixuan’s blood brother there is not much she can do, right…?

And yet, he can't stop shaking. Hot tears well up in his eyes because, what the fuck is he going to do if he truly fucked things up? This is why he was scared of taking care of him, he knew he would fuck it up one way or another. 

He is truly angry at himself. Angry, and scared and… and they are waiting for him. They are waiting for him and he doesn't have time to feel like this but he can't just– walk back in like his world isn't collapsing on itself. Jiang Cheng makes a poor job at drying the tears that managed to fall, with new ones quickly replacing them. He has to take several deep breaths to calm down, walking from one side of the backyard to the other. 

Only when he is truly calm does he dare to turn his phone on again so he can send a text.

🐦A-Sang🐦

[02:36 p.m.]

Me:

Hey, meet me in the hallway? Don't let A-Yu come

He heads inside, letting his weight rest on the wall as he waits for his boyfriend. This is supposedly their day off, but he can't let the kid see him like this and he is so shaken he needs– something.

“Oh, love,” Nie Huaisang whispers as he gently closes the door to Jiang Cheng’s room. “Come here,” he walks towards him, arms already open for a much needed hug. 

Jiang Cheng doesn't hesitate to try and bury himself in him, inhaling his scent in an attempt to calm down. He might not be crying anymore, but he is still shaking. That was one of the most jarring phone calls he ever had. The other was, of course, when his sister gave birth.

“A-Sang,” he starts, already hating himself for what he is about to ask, “I know you've had to stay with him a lot, but,” Jiang Cheng forces himself to peel himself off from him just to look him in the eye. “Do you think you could take care of him until I come back?”

“Back from where? A-Cheng, you can't drive like this,” he says, brows knitted with worry.

“I don't think it's a good idea to stay where A-Yu can see me. I know it's selfish of me but…”

“Hey,” Nie Huaisang’s hands fly to his face, gently tracing circles on his cheekbones. “It's okay.”

“We’ll talk later, I promise, I just. Need to sort my thoughts first,” Jiang Cheng rests his forehead against his boyfriend’s, and Nie Huaisang takes the chance to kiss him sweetly, comfortingly.

“Just promise me you won't drive,” Nie Huaisang pleads.

“I won't, I will take a cab, I promise,” he says with a sad smile. 

Nie Huaisang reaches for him once more, holds him tightly like he will stop him from breaking in a thousand pieces, and Jiang Cheng loves him more for it. They part reluctantly, slowly, sliding their hands down their arms, fingers clinging for just a few moments before letting go.

And gods, they are not teenagers but it very much feels like it. The truth is, there is nothing he wants more than the comfort of his lover. But they have a child to worry about, and if he can spare him from knowing there is something wrong? He definitely will.

Jiang Cheng makes good on his promise and he doesn't take the car keys with him. He is so out of it that by the time it's time to pay for the ride, he feels like he just got inside. It really doesn't matter, it's better this way. He walks to the familiar house with an urgency in his steps and knocks on the door with barely hidden hysteria.

Jiang Cheng knocks desperately on the door. He doesn’t know what he will do if they are not home.

The minutes between the call and the ride have done nothing to slow down his racing thoughts. There is one in particular that is bothering him… and he doesn’t think he can ask what he wants to ask to anyone else. Jiang Cheng is about to give up and turn around when the door opens to his brother, who is slightly out of breath.

“A-Cheng! Sorry, I was working on something. I think Lan Zhan is doing laundry and–” 

“ Ge ,” he cuts him off, his voice anguished. He knows that if he doesn’t Wei Ying can go on and on talking everyone’s ear off, and he definitely doesn’t need that. Not now.

He must be doing something with his face because Wei Ying looks at him in panic and whispers, “Shit.”

“Shushu!” comes A-Yuan’s little piping voice, followed by the sound of tiny running steps. 

Wei Ying rushes inside and catches his son by the waist, walking away from the door and towards one of the rooms.

“Not now radish. Go help Baba while I talk with your Shushu, ok?” he carries his son like a bag of potatoes 

“What's wrong with shushu? Is he sad? Does he need a hug?” Jiang Cheng can see his nephew looking at him over Wei Ying’s shoulder.

“I’ll tell you what, let me see what’s wrong and then you can hug him better, ok? Lan Zhan!”

The thing is, he would be delighted to spend time with his nephew any other day. However, being on the edge of– whatever the hell he is feeling, means it’s definitely not a good idea. He wouldn’t be able to pretend he is okay.

He isn’t entirely aware of what happens inside or how much time passes, but next thing he knows, Wei Ying is gently pulling him inside.

“Aiyah, why are you still outside?” he asks, softly.

Jiang Cheng follows his brother blindly through the house, letting him guide him as if he hadn’t been there multiple times in the last few years. When they reach the living room, Wei Ying pulls him down until both of them are sitting on one of his ridiculously soft couches, face to face. He hasn’t let go of his hands.

“Talk to me, didi. What 's wrong?” he feels him squeeze his hands, and it’s not until then that he notices he is still shaking.

“Mom knows.” 

Wei Ying looks confused at him. “...Ok. You are gonna need to elaborate a little bit because  I don’t know what you–”

“About Xuanyu,” he snaps at him.

“Oh,” Wei Ying replies quietly.

Whether Wei Ying is taking his time to think about it, or he is waiting for him to talk, neither of them utters another word for a while. Somehow they end up curled in the couch, with Jiang Cheng resting his head on his shoulder, and Wei Ying on his head.

Among all the photos that decorate the walls and some tables, the one that rests before them on a table between them and the tv, is his favorite. In it, his nephew is half caked in mud in the garden, a toothy smile lighting his features. It reminds him of simpler times, where soggy clothes and sunny afternoons were the routine.

If there was a time they used as a family to adjust from A-Yuan being someone else’s kid to him being part of his family, he can’t remember. Wei Ying used to joke so much he gave birth to him when he was babysitting, that when they finally adopted him he just… fit, like that was how it always had been.

He loves all three of the children, but the way he feels about A-Yuan and A-Ling leaves him wondering how exactly Mo Xuanyu fits in his heart.

“How did you know?” he asks in a whisper, breaking the silence.

“What?”

“That you wanted to keep him.” 

If it’s the same, if his brother felt the same about Wen Yuan as he does about Mo Xuanyu then…

…Then what?

“We– I guess it was different. You know A-Yuan has part of his family but no one could… A-Ning and Qing-Jie couldn’t take care of him all the time. And Wen Popo… They were going to take him away, he needed someone who could give him a permanent home. And I thought, why not us? We already loved him, and that way he could stay close to his family.” 

“’s not what I asked,” he mumbles. He can feel his brother’s chuckle from where he is leaning on his shoulder.

“I guess not. To be honest, I am not sure. I guess I just– he is so easy to love. And I knew that if I could help him be happy, I would.” That is not different from what Jiang Cheng feels about A-Yu. But it’s also not different from what he feels for his nephews. “A-Cheng… why are you asking me this?”

“I just…” he sighs, running a hand tiredly through his hair. “I don't know,” he confesses. 

“A-Cheng, I’m not saying what you want is bad,” Wei Ying says carefully. “It’s just– He isn’t going anywhere, and Jie-Jie will love him so much. You would still see him–”

“I know! It’s not– it’s not about that!” He realizes. “A-Jie will be the best mother, I already know that. It’s just– I can’t stop thinking about mom. You didn’t see A-Yu the first weeks. He didn’t talk, he was scared of eating with us, of taking a bath, he didn’t know how to play or how to draw. He has gone through so much , Wei Ying. I don’t want him to be near another adult that would give him a hard time.”

“You don’t want him around Aunt Yu,” Wei Ying points out, as the only one here who has suffered that kind of treatment for the same reason.

“Nor Madam Jin. She has made very clear how she feels about Zixuan helping his siblings.”

The second the words leave his mouth, he knows that is only a half truth. Yes, it bothers him that being with A-Li will make him be near his mother and madam Jin, but– 

Ah . So that's it. That's what makes this feel different than with his nephews. It doesn't matter if his mother accepted A-Yu as a grandkid, not really, because there is this feeling that it has to be them protecting A-Yu. He calls their home his home, and earlier today he… 

Jiang Cheng is truly fucked.

There is this twisted side of him that latches to the moments they've spent together. It was them, caring for him since the start. Yanli didn't see him cry, didn't teach him how to play, wasn't there to soothe him, feed him, sleep with him. Mo Xuanyu is theirs more than anyone else’s. And yet.. his brother is right. He has no claim over Mo Xuanyu.

He has to let him go.

Chapter Text

Nie Huaisang knows, as soon as Jiang Cheng closes the door with a soft click, that he will need to find a way for them to talk away from A-Yu. He doesn’t know how long Jiang Cheng will be away – he never said –, but he is certain that a few hours away probably won’t fix whatever happened in that damn call. He can feel the anxiety bubbling up in his chest, attempting to fill his lungs with something other than air, his stomach tying into stubborn knots, and he has to force himself to breathe to keep it at bay, if only for a couple of hours. Hopefully.

He is getting better at handling his loss of control over things, or at least, he likes to think he deals with it better when he has to be strong for someone else, especially if that someone else is his A-Cheng. Jiang Cheng, who has held him more times than he can count despite the cold sweat, the tears, the broken gasps, the clinging, the pushing away.

So he breathes and tries not to have a little meltdown at how the smallest things still manage sometimes to make him feel like he has control over nothing, and starts to plan. 

Jiang Cheng will be home in ‘some hours’, and Nie Huaisang doesn’t like he doesn’t have an exact timeframe, but he knows he has to work with what he’s been given. And then it occurs to him, because he still feels exhausted and drained from the day before, that A-Yu somehow doesn’t hate naps like some kids his age, and he would bet his favorite brush that Mo Xuanyu is not as well rested, either.

So now that he has a plan, that he can breathe easier, he opens the door back to where he left the kid with the best smile he can muster.

“Ready to finish watching the movie?”

“Yes!” The kid says excitedly, almost bouncing a bit on the bed, and that brings a genuine smile to Nie Huaisang’s lips. But when a second figure doesn’t enter the door with him, he asks, “Where is gege?”

“Ah, gege had to go away for a little bit, but he said we can finish the movie and we could do something together later,” he says playfully, because he knows that if he makes him focus on later it will be easier to accept or ignore the now .

And because Mo Xuanyu is a good kid, and probably because he has been forced to face disappointment so much at his young age, he doesn’t do more than pout a little bit.

They do finish the movie, with A-Yu almost dozing off near the end and Nie Huaisang making small comments just to keep him awake. He doesn’t know how much time it will take for Jiang Cheng to come back, so he doesn’t suggest taking a nap right away, opting for playing in the backyard with him and Princess.

By the time the door to their home opens, A-Yu is napping and Nie Huaisang is doom-scrolling on his phone on their couch. He snaps his head up in time to see Jiang Cheng’s face go from weariness to guilt, to pain, to exhaustion. Jiang Cheng is frozen in place, like he doesn’t know what the next course of action is, so Nie Huaisang extends his open hand from where he is sitting, lets him walk to him, take it, and then he makes him sit right in front of him.

Jiang Cheng manages to look both better and worse than when he left the house a couple of hours ago, somehow. His eyes don’t look that bad, his hands are steady, but there is something jarring in the way he moves even when they are holding hands, the way he refuses to look at him and how he opens and closes his mouth, like he is deciding what to tell him first.

“I quit from the company,” is what he starts with, blurts it out like it wasn’t this what he meant to say to open the conversation with, but what came out of his mouth first because it was easier.

And that is. Well. He knows it was not a job Jiang Cheng liked, but there probably is the uncertainty of everything else that comes with quitting, not to mention he doesn't know how his boyfriend feels about it yet, or if Jiang Cheng himself knows. Is it something to be celebrated, worried, angry about? So he does neither, and instead squeezes his hands between his own.

“I– got tired, I guess. Of doing whatever they wanted from me, and not being enough either way,” Jiang Cheng’s brows knit in a frown. He is looking at their hands, rubbing circles on the back of Nie Huaisang’s in an attempt to soothe him, or perhaps to soothe himself.

“Hey,” Nie Huaisang whispers, freeing just one of his hands so he can cup his cheek and run a thumb under his eye. “Whatever happens, you are not facing this alone.” And that, finally, is what makes Jiang Cheng look at him.

He wants to say oh so much more, but refuses to do so until Jiang Cheng has gotten everything out of his system, lest he makes him crumble under his praise. Jiang Cheng covers his hand with one of his, brings the palm to his lips so he can place a kiss there. He allows himself a pause, seeking comfort under his touch before he brings their hands back down once more.

“She. She knows. About A-Yu,” the words come out stumbling onto each other, a whisper Nie Huaisang wouldn’t be able to catch if the house wasn’t in silence. 

He says it as if he is trying to convince himself it’s not true, and it would have been a surprise for Huaisang had he not been expecting her to find out. It feels, somehow, that they got away with the lie for way more time than he thought they ever would, but also like it happened too soon.

“Is that the reason why…?” He trails off, the puzzle taking shape in his head. Jiang Cheng hasn’t been that happy in his job for years, so something had to have been the trigger.

Jiang Cheng sighs, “Part of it. She wasn’t happy he was here. Called him a distraction, someone we should be ashamed of because of what people would think. I don’t even fucking care about what people think.” And truly, Nie Huaisang shares the sentiment. For all he knows, if people dare to talk about Mo Xuanyu, they will end up with their legs broken. “And then . Then I fucked up.”

He lets go of their hands, runs his fingers through his short locks in frustration. Nie Huaisang knows how Jiang Cheng looks when he is very close to starting to cry of anger, and on any other day he might have distracted him from it, but he doesn’t know if he needs to cry his anger out. He, however, won’t allow him to go down a self-deprecating spiral.

“I fucked up first, remember? And you didn’t blame me that time. We fix this together, A-Cheng.”

“That’s different,” He stands up from the couch, paces a bit before looking back at him, frustrated at himself. “Yours was an accident, I challenged her A-Sang. Deep down I knew it was a terrible idea but I couldn’t fucking keep my mouth shut and told her to try me when she thought I wasn’t going to quit. What am I supposed to do now? What if because of this A-Jie can’t adopt him?”

Right now Jiang Cheng is way too worked up to stop worrying for a second, but Nie Huaisang knows how the Violet Spider works and he has been preparing for this. He does need the details before he dares to do anything so he asks, “Did she threaten you with that?”

“No, but I wouldn’t put it past her.”

So, that’s their best and worst scenario. That means there is no plan on her part, but because there isn’t, that makes her unpredictable. It is complicated, but it’s not unexpected . Yu Ziyuan would have been mad either way as soon as she learned about A-Yu. She shouldn’t know Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli are planning to adopt the kid yet, so that gives them an advantage. Yet again, he has had time to think about all the different outcomes so he isn’t as worried. Jiang Cheng is a completely different matter though.

“A-Cheng, come here.” he sighs, patting the space next to him.

“A-Sang–”

“Please?”

He watches as the fight leaves Jiang Cheng’s body and gets replaced with resignation. He is still angry, but he lets himself be maneuvered so he is resting his head on Nie Huaisang’s lap. Nie Huaisang doesn’t say anything yet, lets the silence sink in as he pets his hair gently. He knows Jiang Cheng is overthinking because his eyes fill with unshed tears once more. He doesn’t stop him, at this point he really needs to cry it out.

“It’s stupid leaving my job, isn’t it? Because A-Yu won’t be living with us soon. But I couldn’t take it anymore,” he says in a broken whisper, his gaze fixed on the wall.

“It’s not stupid at all. You love him, and you also love your mom, despite everything.”

“...Yeah,” he accepts, reluctantly.

“And she loves you,” Jiang Cheng makes a doubtful groan. “No, when you are not this upset you know she does. And I’m not justifying her bullshit, because it is bullshit, but because she loves you, she is trying to protect you from something she sees as a threat.”

“She is trying to protect herself ,” Jiang Cheng grumbles.

“Both things can be true at the same time. You wanted her approval, so you stayed in a job you didn't love. You got tired of waiting for it, and without it, she doesn't have anything else to threaten you with. That’s why she's so mad. Because even knowing we have a soft spot for A-Yu, she can’t use him against you.”

“Why are you so–” Jiang Cheng frowns with confusion before his eyes fill with understanding. “What did you do?”

Of course Jiang Cheng would pick up on what he left unsaid. He laughs nervously because his schemes have not always been well received, but he truly doesn’t think this one could go wrong.

“Nothing big this time. I thought she would try to do something as soon as she learned about A-Yu. I talked with Xuan-ge and we went through the paperwork to make sure there were no loopholes she could use. The only person who can decide who takes care of A-Yu is him, your mom can’t just waltz in and take him away.”

Jiang Cheng visibly deflates quite a bit. His fear of putting Mo Xuanyu at risk was really eating him up.

“Have I told you how much I fucking love you?” He says against his stomach.

“Just sometimes,” he jokes, still playing with his hair. “And A-Cheng?”

“Yeah?”

“I know you still feel like shit, but you have no idea how proud I am of you. You are one of the strongest people I know.”

It’s something he knows Jiang Cheng craves hearing from his parents. But if they won’t tell him, then he will, because he deserves it. Because he should have heard it so, so many times and he didn’t . Jiang Cheng, of course, crumbles under his praise, just as he knew he would.

“You might see quitting your job as a mistake, but I’m happy you are taking steps to what you really want.”

“...You know that means I’m jobless for now right?”

“It’s ok, I won’t complain if you want to be my trophy husband,” he teases, making Jiang Cheng snort a watery laugh against his stomach.

Besides, it’s not like they don’t have savings. With them opting to get a house a good distance from the center part of the city, they spared themselves from paying the ridiculously high prices that come with living in a zone like that. Plus, Jiang Cheng was the heir of the company, with their combined savings they truly don’t have anything to worry about for a couple of years.

Still, he knows it won’t be long before Jiang Cheng finds something to keep himself busy with. Huaisang knows Jiang Cheng likes to be depended on, and feels vulnerable when that’s not the case. Truly a ridiculous man, because there is no way Nie Huaisang wouldn’t need him in his life.

“I thought you were aiming for that title?” Jiang Cheng teases back. And oh, to be the pampered, spoiled husband–

“Are you offering?” he asks excitedly.

They chuckle at the ridiculousness of it all, a brief, sweet moment that lasts less than either of them would have liked. Nie Huaisang knows there is something else Jiang Cheng has yet to tell him. He can feel it in the heaviness of the silence that follows, in the tender way Jiang Cheng strokes his lower back with a hand, in the way he is not looking at him, because he knows Nie Huaisang won’t like what he says next.

“A-Jie wants us to go to the zoo with them,” he says gently, as if that way it would hurt any less. There is sadness in his tone, but also a quiet acceptance.

And that… That hurts. Knowing their time truly is slipping between their fingers. Suddenly Jiang Cheng’s insistence on having a relaxing day, fully focused on their temporary family, makes more sense.

“I wish he could stay with us,” Jiang Cheng continues, unknowingly digging the knife deeper, “But – fuck . It’s complicated, isn’t it? Even if it was up to me, I don’t know if you would be ok–”

A watery laugh escapes Nie Huaisang’s lips before he can help it. It’s more painful to hear it than he had imagined, because it’s clear Jiang Cheng has also allowed himself to entertain the idea, maybe even more than Nie Huaisang himself.

“I’m not going to kick you out of our house or move out if that’s what you are implying,” he aims to sound playful, but he breaks into a sob near the end. The thought of him not wanting both of them is ridiculous. “I wish he could stay, too.”

There is pain in Jiang Cheng’s eyes when he reaches up to kiss him. It is sweet and soft, comforting, if salty with their tears. Another game of pretending has fallen, now that they’ve voiced their wishes they can finally talk about the elephant in the room. They are on the same page, yet neither of them dare to ask for what they want.

“And the brat is not making it any easier,” Jiang Cheng says frustratedly against his lips. “He called me A-Die earlier today, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to do the same to you one of these days.”

It startles another frail laugh out of him, “He surely knows how to tear us to pieces, doesn’t he? I wouldn't have been able to handle that.”

They curl into each other, with Nie Huaisang hiding in his neck, and Jiang Cheng resting his chin on his shoulder, and settle into a different kind of silence. Less heavy, but still sorrowful.

“What are we going to do, A-Cheng? In what mess did we get ourselves into?” Nie Huaisang asks softly.

“I don’t know,” Jiang Cheng answers sincerely. “Either we fight to keep him…”

“...Or we don’t.”

They don’t reach a decision, not that day at the very least. They agree to wait, to meet A-Li and Jin Zixuan, to let A-Yu know them. To talk to them about the possibility of staying like this indefinitely, if things don’t seem as complicated.

They are ignoring the fact neither of them talked about what ‘not as complicated’ means in this scenario.

The minutes turn into hours, the hours into days, the weekend feels just around the corner, and then it’s here all at once. Mo Xuanyu is vibrating out of his skin in excitement for the big day, because why wouldn’t he? He’s been promised a great time watching the animals, and perhaps a small visit to the petting zone of the zoo. He looks adorable with his button up – blue, as most of his borrowed clothes – and beige pants, topped with a little hat, truly dressed for a safari-like experience… with slightly colder weather. They are lucky the day is relatively warm.

Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng have spent as much as time as possible with him these last days, no request – to play, for goodnight kisses, for a story before bed – went unanswered. Even the times Nie Huaisang was busy working, it wasn’t unheard of for him to have a tiny, very enthusiastic visitor from time to time.

There is little relief in knowing today it’s not time for their goodbyes, not when they know the word ‘soon’ is looming over them, loud in its quietness. Not when Nie Huaisang has woken up between gasps every night since they agreed to this, so terrified by change he can barely breathe. When Jiang Cheng has already been awake when it happens.

Today though, Nie Huaisang blinks away the tears, steadies his hold on his phone, presses the volume button to snap photo after photo, pretending neither of them are holding themselves together by a thread. This is, in a way, A-Yu’s day after all. He will spend a whole day at the zoo with the people who will be part of his family, regardless of with whom he will be staying with.

Of if they are brave enough to fight for him.

“Up?” A-Yu asks Jiang Cheng, who started to reach for him before he finished uttering the word, as soon as he saw his little arms lift in a familiar gesture.

“You are going to spoil him rotten,” Nie Huaisang teases, as if he hasn’t done the same thing time and time again.

“Good,” is what Jiang Cheng says, a little too proud.

With the sun shining over their heads, with them going into their car to go have fun outside as if they’ve done this countless times before, Jiang Cheng can almost pretend this is a day like any other, like the only special thing is them introducing A-Yu to a new, exciting environment.

Pretend, just for a fleeting moment, because once A-Yu feels brave enough to let go of his hand and greet his brother, the illusion shatters.

Jin Zixuan is sitting on his heels, and in front of him, a smaller version of himself looks back at him. They are not the same , of course not. There are features that surely come from Mo Xuanyu’s mom, but the honeyed eyes, the shape of the brows, the shade of their hair is similar enough for him to think–

“He could pass as his kid,” he whispers, loud enough for only Nie Huaisang to hear.

Nie Huaisang’s breath hitches, a pained noise threatening to slip from his lips. It seems he can’t hide his emotions from Jiang Cheng, because soon after he is mumbling apologies.

“Fuck, I shouldn’t have– Sorry.”

Nie Huaisang shakes his head subtly, leans against him and squeezes his hand in reassurance, “It’s ok,” he whispers, leaves a soft kiss on his shoulder, rests his cheek against it right after, “I thought so, too.”

“Hi kid,” Jin Zixuan greets Mo Xuanyu with a smile, entirely unaware of their conversation. It’s weird, but Jiang Cheng feels being a father, even for those few weeks, has made him– softer, somehow. Less awkward, though he doesn’t know if that’s because A-Yu is less weary of him. “Do you remember me?” Jin Zixuan asks, gently.

“Mhm,” Mo Xuanyu mumbles shyly, his hands held between his brother’s.

“Of course he does,” Jiang Yanli says sweetly, “He is such a smart, brave boy. Are you excited, sweetheart?”

And Mo Xuanyu… he beams at her. How could he not? Jiang Yanli inspires a motherly sense of security. Plus, he has been reminded of the purpose of this visit. Of half of it, at least.

“Yes! I want– I want to meet my fish!” He exclaims happily, making them all laugh.

“His fish?” Jin Zixuan asks.

Nie Huaisang walks closer to them, bringing Jiang Cheng along by their joined hands, and strokes A-Yu’s cheek when he looks up at him.

“He’s been asking us to read ‘The Rainbow Fish’ for him, and he got excited when we told him they have an aquarium here,” Nie Huaisang says. 

“Oh, that’s adorable, A-Sang,” She says, genuinely. She is visibly melting for this small child, just like each time Jiang Cheng has been on the receiving end of her fawning over his– over Mo Xuanyu.  “What else are you excited for, A-Yu?”

Which, of course, makes him ramble about everything he’s been waiting for all week. At some point, they have to remind him to breathe between sentences, making them giggle at his antics.

“Ah, I don’t know if we’ll be able to do everything with you, sweetheart, but I’m sure A-Cheng and A-Sang will make sure you get to do all of that.”

This seems to bring his mood down a little bit.

“Why?” A-Yu asks, with the most heartbreaking, cutest pout.

“Because A-Ling is a baby,” Jin Zixuan explains, not unkindly, “and babies sometimes get tired very fast. But we wanted you to meet him even if just for a little bit.”

“Where is he?” He asks, confused for a moment as he looks around him, probably expecting to see someone like A-Yuan.

Jin Zixuan smiles at him, opening his arms in invitation but not reaching for him yet, clearly following Huaisang’s example of that first day at the hospital. “Come here, big boy.”

“Okay,” A-Yu holds out his arms in the very same gesture he used just earlier that day.

Jin Zixuan holds him close, in a not so subtle attempt at a hug. It’s the very first time he’s been able to carry his brother, and even Jiang Cheng can tell he is trying not to get very emotional about it.

“A-Ling also wanted to meet you,” Jiang Yanli moves the blankets in a way Jin Ling’s face is completely uncovered. He is happily kicking his feet in the air, making baby noises. 

“He is so tiny,” Mo Xuanyu says in awe. He might have seen babies in movies, but it just dawns on them this might be the very first time he sees a baby in person.

It startles a laugh out of Jiang Yanli. “You were that small when you were his age. One day, he will be as big as you and you’ll be able to play together. Wouldn’t that be nice? If you, A-Ling and A-Yuan could play together?”

“And Princess too?”

“Of course, we can’t leave Princess out,” she promises. “That reminds me,” she gives her husband a pointed look, and he moves away to give A-Yu back to Jiang Cheng, who readily takes him in his arms. “A-Yu wasn’t the only one A-Ling wanted to meet. A-Sang?” 

“Yes?” He walks towards her as she beckons him closer.

“Come meet your nephew.”

How is Nie Huaisang going to convince her, again? He is already tearing up, him and Jiang Cheng have barely started dating and yet– She says it with a finality that leaves no doubts, and it is at this exact moment that he understands why Jiang Cheng is so reluctant to ask anything from her, when she gives so much so readily. It’s not the first time she’s treated him like his family, but it’s never been– like this .

“Aiyo, Yanli-jie, we are not even married yet–” He argues, trying to keep himself in check.

“Mhm, you said it yourself, not yet. But you are not letting him go, are you?” It should be a threat, but it isn’t. He can tell she truly believes they will marry, someday.

“Of course not,” he gives her a watery laugh.

“That’s what I thought. Then stop being stubborn and come meet your nephew.”

Nie Huaisang steps even closer, rests his fingers against the edge of the stroller, softly, as if it would disappear in a cloud of smoke. And Nie Huaisang is not a kid person, he is not, but .

“Oh. He is… He’s grown so much,” He says, voice thick with emotion. He’s seen the photos, of course, Jiang Cheng wouldn’t let him not see them, but looking at him in person feels– different.

Jiang Yanli laughs, perhaps because A-Yu used the exact opposite word for him.

“He has, indeed. A-Ling is eating well and is on his way to be the healthiest baby,” she says, lovingly. Then, she gets him out of the stroller and passes him to Nie Huaisang, who doesn’t even have time to argue against it before he has him in his arms.

He doesn’t have words for it. This is his very first – official? – nephew. He feels so fragile but so alive in his arms, and he is reminded of the time Jiang Cheng was so scared of losing them both. He can’t quite believe Jiang Yanli is already making him part of this . 

“They have that in common, don’t they?” Jiang Yanli whispers just for him, when he can only watch at the bundle in his arms, sniffling quietly.

“Yes. They are fighters,” he agrees, tears running thick, now reminded of how much his A-Yu has grown up.

“Why is gege crying? Is it time for a hug?” He hears Mo Xuanyu ask, and then he is overcome from emotion for entirely different reasons, because of course the sweet boy is worried about him. When he looks for him, he and Jiang Cheng are just a few steps away from them.

“Ah, don’t worry baobei. Gege is just too happy,” he sniffles, and carefully frees a hand, A-Ling safe in the other so he can briefly pat A-Yu’s cheek. “Happy tears, yeah?”

“Okay,” A-Yu accepts it easily. After all, it’s not the first time Nie Huaisang has cried in front of him for those reasons.

When he looks at Jiang Cheng, he can see a wet shine in his eyes, and a bit of guilt.

“ You knew ,” Nie Huaisang accuses him.

“I did. She wanted to be the one to tell you,” Jiang Cheng deposits a kiss on his temple, unfairly adoring.

“Yanli-jie,” he whines in his characteristic tone, “please take your child away before I drown him with my tears.”

It makes her laugh, but she takes A-Ling from his arms and places him back in his stroller. Jiang Cheng would be mad he is the only one who hasn’t carried his nephew yet, but he is sufficiently placated having A-Yu in his arms. Not that he has any intention of letting him down anytime soon.

“So? What are we waiting for?” Jiang Yanli says, as if she hadn’t been the reason for their small emotional breakdown. “I believe this sweetheart has waited long enough.”

A-Yu’s unbridled excitement makes it impossible for them to wait a second longer, so they move towards the gates of the zoo.

Somehow, as the time goes by, Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang forget for a little bit about their worries. It’s hard to keep thinking about it, when Mo Xuanyu keeps happily dragging everyone this way and that to look at all the animals, which then become his favorite animals, which means the whole zoo is suddenly full of his favorites. He equally loves the lions, the penguins, the pandas, everything is worthy of his attention. It’s no surprise for either of them, when they know how fond he is of every animal he’s encountered so far.

But if they thought he was fascinated with those, it is nothing in comparison with the awe in his face when they reach the aquarium.

“Gege!” He tugs on Jiang Cheng’s hand. “Gege, look! Look, that’s my fish!” He almost yells when he looks at the first school of fish that passes near them.

“I think that’s your fish and his family, baobei,” he says, amused. He doesn’t remember if they’ve ever seen him this happy before, and that, more than anything else, is what makes him smile.

It becomes obvious soon enough that, for Mo Xuanyu, every fish is the fish from his book, just in different shapes and colors. He is fascinated nonetheless, and they need to keep him from almost plastering his face to the glass so he can look even closer.

At some point though, Jiang Cheng looks around to find half of his family is missing.

“Where is A-Sang?” He asks his sister, who doesn’t look worried at all.

“They should be behind. I think A-Xuan wanted to catch up with him.”

They were behind. So behind, in fact, that Nie Huaisang could no longer see the other half of their group, walking right beside Jin Zixuan and A-Ling.

“Xuan-ge, can you see A-Cheng and A-Yu? I think I lost them,” he asks, lifting himself in his tiptoes once to try and get a better look.

They’ve been a bit distracted, watching at A-Ling giggle when bright colored fish (the only kind of fish he can currently see) passes near them in the full glass tunnel.

“It’s fine, I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while,” Jin Zixuan aims for neutral, but Nie Huaisang is an expert in tones and he can tell there is a layer of nervousness underneath.

…And Jin Zixuan is not a good actor when he is in a family setting.

“Okay…?” He says, hesitantly. Suddenly he feels on edge, like in the morning.

“I wanted to apologize,” Jin Zixuan continues, just adding to Nie Huaisang 's confusion.

“Apologize? For what?”

“I think we haven’t been the best for A-Yu, since the beginning. We should have been keeping a closer eye on him, didn’t we? We asked you both to take care of him, and we barely– We should have been better. We’ve had our hands full with A-Ling, and we failed him.”

“I– You’ve been taking care of a newborn and Yanli-jie’s labor was risky. We understand,” he reassures him. He isn’t sure what he would do with a newborn as delicate as A-Ling, or having almost lost his partner.

“Yeah but– What I want to say is– We’ve talked,” Jin Zixuan says, vaguely. Nie Huaisang truly doesn’t know where this conversation is going. “And before you plot my murder, I don’t want you to think we don’t love A-Yu, we do, even if we haven’t been with him a lot of time. But we haven’t been there for him, you’ve been. And we don’t know if we can give him the attention he deserves if we take care of both of them.”

“...What are you trying to say, Zixuan?” He asks, not letting himself hope. If he dares to hope in this moment, if Jin Zixuan only means to ask them to take care of him for a bit longer, he doesn’t think he will survive it.

“It’s clear he loves you both, and the two of you love him to pieces. And after spending time with you today… If both of you want, if A-Yu wants to stay with you, we are willing to step back from the adoption process.”

“...I will plot your murder if you are joking, Zixuan,” he threatens, but the way he has to cover his mouth to not wail on the spot, not to crumble more than he already is, takes the bite away from it. “Are you serious? You would let us keep A-Yu?”

“We are,” he reaffirms with a gentle smile. “There is no one else I would let take care of my didi… Though I suppose this would make him my nephew?”

“Mn,” Nie Huaisang agrees, unable to utter another word. He is covering his face, trying to hide the way he is crying from the pure relief he feels. He is shaking as well, struggling hard to keep hold of his reality, because from all the possibilities, this is the one he wasn’t expecting. 

“Are you okay?” Jin Zixuan asks, worriedly holding his shoulder.

“Yes,” he mumbles. “No,” he sobs, almost losing his footing from how bad he is shaking, “I don’t know,” he confesses.

Jin Zixuan holds him wordlessly, and Nie Huaisang allows himself to break in his hold. He feels eerily similar to when they told him Nie Mingjue was cancer-free, like all the sorrow and the relief are drowning him all at once. He is so happy, but he is also feeling now how scared he was of having to let him go.

When he calms down enough, Jin Zixuan says, “A-Li wants to talk with Jiang Cheng herself. I don’t think she can, if A-Yu is with them. Do you think we can get him away from them for a little bit?”

“...On a scale from one to ten, how much of a mess am I? I need you to be honest,” he holds himself up for scrutiny.

“...A six, probably.”

“Yeah, I don’t want him to look at me like this,” Nie Huaisang says, miserably. He doesn’t want to worry A-Yu any further. “Can you distract him for a little bit? I think I need to wash my face.”

“Of course,” he promises. “When you are ready, I think they will be in the center of the aquarium, the circular room.”

“Okay,” Nie Huaisang sniffles, trying to dry his face as much as he can with his hands. “I’ll see you all in a little bit.”

Had Jiang Cheng been paying attention, he would have noticed the concerned, calculated glances his sister was giving him, pensive in their nature. Alas, he was very distracted watching A-Yu and looking for Nie Huaisang out of the corner of his eye.

He finally sees a familiar figure, but not the one he was expecting the most.

“What about A-Sang?” He asks as soon as his brother-in-law is in earshot.

“Bathroom,” Jin Zixuan explains simply, already exchanging one kid for the other with his wife without even looking at Jiang Cheng. “Come here Xiao Yu, we are watching the jellyfish while we wait for your Sang-gege.”

“I– Okay?” Jiang Cheng asks, more than slightly irritated but unable to deny him more time with his brother.

Jiang Yanli laughs at him, “It's just for a little bit, A-Cheng. I promise.”

Jiang Cheng awkwardly reels his emotions back, he hadn't meant to show his attachment so openly in front of them. His sister places a hand on his, lightly squeezing.

“I spoke with A-Xian the other day,” she says after a moment spent in silence, not looking at him but at the giant, round fish tank in front of them. “You two want to keep him, don't you?”

It's good they are sitting next to each other, because Jiang Cheng feels his legs would have given up on him had he been standing. There are a lot of emotions swimming in his head right now. The fear of hurting his sister. The anxiety of not having been the one to tell her, to ask her. The utter betrayal from his brother, which is what ultimately wins in this moment.

“He told you?” He asks, hurt.

“Of course not, A-Cheng,” she finally looks at him, gentle, like he might break. And at this moment, he feels like he might. “He was worried for when A-Yu had to go back home with us. I thought he meant it would be traumatic for him to be moved around, even if it was going to be just one more time. Now I know he meant all of you.”

“I– A-jie –” he fumbles for an excuse, an apology, but his sister has read them like they had it written on their faces.

“I talked with A-Xuan, about the possibility of us backing out from the adoption process if this was going to hurt A-Yu more than it would help him. We were going to talk about it with you both, but… you already want this, don't you?” She smiles sweetly at him, her features blurred behind his eyes, as if she hasn't rendered him speechless.

And he is speechless. He doesn't remember the last time he’s cried this hard, and he is doing so in the middle of the aquarium , but right now he doesn't fucking care about anyone who might be watching. He had been –poorly– prepared to talk about it with his sister, all for her to beat him to it. And he can't quite believe– is she really offering this to them? Without them asking?

“Unless we've misunderstood and you don’t want to?” She asks softly, and it dawns on him that he hasn't said a word the entire time.

“Of course we–” he chokes out, still struggling to believe this is happening. “And he agreed?”

“He was the one who brought it up first,” she says simply, reaching for him so she can hold him while he falls apart.

They've been so lucky . They've been prepared for the worst scenario, and they've been given the best . He is shaking in his sister’s arms, clinging to her dress with pure relief . They won't be separated, A-Yu doesn't have to go away, there are no deadlines anymore, Jiang Cheng has a son.

Oh, gods, Jiang Cheng has a son . 

And if Jiang Cheng has a son, that means–

“Does A-Sang know?” He asks, voice thick with emotion.

“I believe that's why A-Sang is in the bathroom, didi.”

He laughs wetly, now it makes sense. He feels like they've been set up in the sweetest trap ever. 

“I think I need to look for him,” he reluctantly pulls away from his sister.

“Go. We’ll take care of him while you are gone, don't worry.”

“Have I told you I love you?” his sister openly laughs at that. 

“You have, A-Cheng. Now go.”

He stands up on shaky legs and starts retracing their steps. He doesn't run, lest they kick them out for breaking the rules, but the pace he picks up is close to that. 

He gets halfway through the tunnel when he sees him, eyes red rimmed and nose the slightest shade of pink. Huaisang does run to him the second he sees him.

“A-Cheng!” he sobs, arms reaching out for him way before they are close enough. Jiang Cheng doesn't waste time to wrap him in his arms and squeeze him tightly. “They told you?”

“Yes. Mom is going to kill us,” he says, head buried in his hair. It startles a laugh out of Nie Huaisang.

“It's really happening? We are parents?” He asks, muffled against his clothes.

“We are parents,” he says, and it still doesn't feel real. Nie Huaisang sniffles, laughs as he pulls back just a little bit so they can see each other.

“I can't believe we have a son before Da-Ge,” Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes fondly.

“I can't believe we have a son , A-Sang.”

And he leans down to kiss him because, damn it, he needs to marry this silly man yesterday . He is getting a bit tired of the mental gymnastics around whatever label they currently have. Co-parent doesn't feel quite right.

The kiss is grounding, comforting, salty with their tears, so reminiscent of that one they shared in their house a few days ago, and yet so different. When they part, Nie Huaisang is giggling.

“What?”

“I told you you had dad vibes, ChengCheng,” he says, brightly. And here, with his eyes puffy, with his nose red, Jiang Cheng thinks he is utterly beautiful.

“Well, guess what A-Sang,” he rolls his eyes at him once more, not bothering to hide his smile. “You also have dad vibes.”

Chapter Text

Jin Ling, predictably, gets a bit fussy not long later. Even when he is very shielded in his stroller, the noise from so many people plus all the scents prove to be too much for the baby after a while. Jiang Cheng doesn’t waste time and he takes the chance to bounce him in an attempt to soothe him.

“We are leaving?” Asks Mo Xuanyu when Jiang Yanli mentions they should probably leave, sounding very disappointed.

Jin Zixuan lifts him into his arms a moment later so A-Li doesn’t have to lean down much to talk to him while they say their goodbyes.

“Oh, not yet sweetheart,” Jiang Yanli reassures him, stroking his cheek gently. “We have to leave because your cousin wants to be home already, but I believe you three are staying here for a little more, right didi?”

“We did promise this brat a visit to the petting zone,” Jiang Cheng answers with a smile. A-Ling has calmed down a bit, now that he is in his jiujiu’s arms and he has one of Nie Huaisang’s fingers held as hostage.

“See, kid?” Jin Zixuan tickles him lightly to make him squeal. “Nothing to worry about, you get to stay a little more before going home.”

“Speaking of home… A-Yu? I have something important to ask you,” Jiang Yanli takes one of his hands, squeezing it lovingly. “Listen sweetheart, I know we said you were staying with your geges while A-Ling and I recovered, but we were wondering… Do you want to stay with your geges? Forever?”

“What is forever?” Mo Xuanyu asks innocently.

“It means you get to live with us, always,” Jiang Cheng says gently. His voice carries a sort of fragility, like he is afraid of the answer. “It means I get to be your A-Die, and Huaisang your Baba. Do you want that?”

Mo Xuanyu might not fully understand what’s going on, he is living with them after all. When they say ‘home’, there is a single place he thinks of. He’s seen A-Yuan with his uncles, and his geges are the same for him. However, he knows what ‘like’ and ‘want’ means.

“Mhm,” he mumbles, clinging a bit more to his brother.

He doesn’t notice when both Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang’s eyes fill with unshed tears, because Jiang Yanli is beaming at him.

“Of course you do, sweetheart. They love you so much, don’t they? Ah, but you have to promise to visit us sometime, yeah? I’m sure A-Ling will also be happy to see you.”

“Promise,” he says, taking it seriously because Nie Huaisang has told him you don’t break promises.

“Such a good boy,” she praises him, squeezing his cheek playfully.

“We’ll see you later, yeah? Maybe we’ll go to the park next time,” Jin Zixuan promises.

A few minutes later, when A-Ling is safely returned to his stroller, they take turns saying their goodbyes. Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang are once again reminded that this is real, that they get to return home that day as a family, and they are once again overcome with emotion.

“A-Jie, I– Thank you,” Jiang Cheng says, voice thick. “Both of you,” he looks at Jin Zixuan, truly grateful. “I don’t– I really don’t know how to thank you.”

“I already told this to A-Sang,” Jin Zixuan smiles at them, “but there is no need. You two are the only people I would trust my didi– my nephew to.”

Nie Huaisang agrees with Jiang Cheng, being a father has softened Jin Zixuan a lot.

“And A-Cheng, A-Sang?” Jiang Yanli is extending her hands to them, and they each take one. “He looks so happy, you two have done an amazing job. He loves you both so much.”

“A-Jie–”

“Yanli-Jie–”

There might be something comical about the fact two grown ass adults are breaking down in the middle of the zoo, but for A-Yu, who gets a bit anxious when he watches them cry, is something to worry about. He tugs at Jin Zixuan’s pants so the man looks down at him and then asks:

“Why are they crying?”

Jin Zixuan crouches in front of him and takes his hands in his, rubbing them gently.

“Sometimes people can feel a lot of things, and those feelings sometimes are too much and make us cry. Sometimes we cry because we are sad or scared, but like A-Sang said, sometimes those tears are happy tears, because we are so happy that those feelings need a way out. They are crying because they thought you had to go live somewhere else, but they are happy you are going to stay with them,” he explains.

“Okay,” he says, not understanding all of it, but reassured once more that they were not sad.

Once the tears have stopped, they truly get to say their goodbyes. Jin Zixuan, Jiang Yanli and A-Ling are on their way to the exit and they watch them until they disappear from their sight.

“So?” Jiang Cheng asks once the three of them are alone, tossing A-Yu in the air for a brief second before catching him, making him squeal. “Are we going to the petting zone or not?”

In the end, A-Yu is still an almost four-year-old and loses the battle against his own exhaustion in the early afternoon. They do get to go to the petting zone, A-Yu having a blast with the goats, sheep and bunnies. Nie Huaisang gets to show him his favorite part of the zoo, the aviary, and A-Yu gets to timidly touch a parrot. Mo Xuanyu does get a bit afraid of the butterflies, he hides behind the two of them when they get too near, but looks in awe at them as long as they don’t touch him.

Now though, they are on their way to the exit, with A-Yu sleeping peacefully in Nie Huaisang’s arms. If he was being honest, Nie Huaisang wasn’t that opposed to taking a nap himself, it had been a day full of very intense emotions, and his body was still trying to let go of the anxiety they’ve felt the last couple of days.

“What are you thinking about?” asks Jiang Cheng, rubbing small circles on his lower back as they walk.

“I’m thinking about how much I want to take a nap with my boyfriend and our son once we are back home,” he answers honestly, giddy about the fact he can now call both of them his. “But also on how much I’m starving.”

“Should we order something from A-Jie’s and then sleep? But it should be a small nap, I want him to sleep at night.”

“I love that plan,” he sighs happily.

They strap A-Yu to his car seat, still lost to the world around him. He looks so adorable that Nie Huaisang can’t resist and takes a picture of him before they even start the car.

“You have your scheming look,” Jiang Cheng tells him as he exits the parking lot.

Now, Nie Huaisang truly understands why it’s so special to share the news with the family, he truly does, he wants to share the news with everyone but… he is also a younger brother and this is an opportunity he likely won’t have anytime soon.

“I was just thinking what Da-Ge’s reaction to having a nephew would be,” he says innocently, knowing full well Jiang Cheng won’t buy it.

“And I’m guessing you are not going to tell him like a normal person,” he says with a smirk, with no intention of stopping him. He is, of course, correct.

“It’s just, telling A-Ying and A-Zhan won’t have the same effect, they had been his uncles for longer and it’s likely that they already know,” Nie Huaisang complains dramatically. “Telling Da-Ge and Er-Ge on the other hand…” he trails off.

“I have an idea of how it’ll go, but you have to show me what they tell you,” Jiang Cheng smiles wider, amused that his boyfriend is up to no good.

Nie Huaisang feels giddier now that he knows Jiang Cheng is interested in the outcome. Because he is impatient and genuinely happy they are a proper family (but also, because he is a little shit) he opens the chat he has with his brother with newly fueled joy.

Da-Ge

[4:27 p.m.]

Me:

[Photo attached]

I think the zoo was too exhausting for your nephew

Nie Huaisang doesn’t look away from the phone, looking at the double tick that signals his brother got the message, and then as it turns blue when he reads it. There are several moments where he sees his brother is typing, stopping, typing once more, stopping again until he settles on:

Da-Ge:

WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!

YOU SAID YOU WERE JUST BABYSITTING

Nie Huaisang has to stifle his laugh so he doesn’t wake up A-Yu, and catches Jiang Cheng’s amused look from the corner of his eye. He doesn’t pry yet, focusing more on getting them all safe back home.

Me:

We just got an extension on the babysitting arrangement

The new deal is a bit more permanent :) 

Da-Ge:

Did you two bully poor A-Li and Zixuan?

Me:

Of course not! We didn’t even get to ask!

Da-Ge: 

So you WERE planning to ask!!

Me:

I don’t know, I don’t know!

I really don’t know, Da-Ge! D:

Da-Ge:

IF THIS IS HOW YOU TELL ME YOU HAVE SIGNED ADOPTION PAPERS ILL MURDER YOU

For what it’s worth, I’m happy for you three

A-Huan insists I give you his congratulations, and demands more baby pics

Give my nephew a hug from me

Me:

I'll tell you when we have the papers

Will do ;)

Nie Huaisang lets himself sag against the seat with a happy, tired sigh. Jiang Cheng reaches for his hand at a red light, and for a moment, everything is fine.

In all honesty, Nie Huaisang isn’t the slightest bit surprised by the fact he woke up at three in the morning without being able to breathe. He knows strong emotions trigger his panic attacks whether they are positive or not, and on top of it his brain is still trying to get out of the fight or flight response he’s been stuck in the past few days since Yanli’s message.

Turns out, knowing doesn’t make it any easier nor any better.

He jolts out of bed, squirming out of Jiang Cheng’s hold as fast as he can. Jiang Cheng wakes up, but he doesn’t try to stop him, opting to turn one of the side lamps instead.

“A-Sang?” He asks,voice hoarse from sleep, trying to get used to the sudden light.

Nie Huaisang ignores him in favor of hurriedly leaving the room, restless. He starts pacing in the dark from the hallway to the living room and then back over and over again, the only source of light being the one that comes from the opened door of his bedroom. It's not a full blown attack, at least not yet, but it's bad. He is not hyperventilating, but his heart is racing, his skin is sweating cold, and he has this distinct feeling of needing to run and flee. He feels simultaneously overstimulated and understimulated. He feels weird shivers and he shakes his hands to try and make his body feel right. 

Jiang Cheng watches from the center of their living room. He has not made an attempt to touch him, he somehow knows it will make it worse. 

“Box breathing?” He asks softly, concern clear on his features even with this poor lighting. 

“No, I–” Nie Huaisang trails off, looking briefly at him as an explanation. He doesn't think he can handle counting tonight. 

He wants to hold him, badly, but he doesn't feel he can handle something as restrictive as a hug when he feels like he wants to jump out of his skin. 

“Sit down? It's making me more– thank you.”

Jiang Cheng looks at him from the couch nearest to him, an arm resting on the back of it. Nie Huaisang runs his fingers on it from time to time while he keeps pacing.

“I just–” he starts, running a hand through his hair and pulling at the roots in desperation. “I don't know. I feel– I think I want to cry. But I don't want to because what if it makes it w-worse, what if–” he says with a shaky voice.

“Huaisang,” he holds his hand only by the tip of his fingers in a loose hold. “Let them out, you've been holding on to them for way too long.”

Nie Huaisang whines, trying to resist it, but that whine turns into a sob, and that sob into some more, followed by hiccups. He holds Jiang Cheng’s fingers tightly, and he wants to be embraced so badly and he is so pissed he can't. He walks to the other side of the couch and kneels in front of Jiang Cheng, resting half of his body on his legs as he cries. 

It's not long before he can feel Jiang Cheng’s fingers combing through his hair, keeping the touch light. Nie Huaisang is fully shaking by now, but he no longer feels like he will die. Jiang Cheng is right. Maybe he needed to cry it out, to let the fear seep out of his body. To crumble for a few moments so he would be okay later.

He climbs on the couch and fully curls on Jiang Cheng when he feels calm enough. Jiang Cheng wordlessly holds him close, resting his cheek on top of his head. They spend some moments like that, with Nie Huaisang basking in his presence and his familiar scent. He is still a bit pissed about it. He could have woken up at three a.m. horny but no, he had to wake up with a panic attack instead. Now he is sticky and his face is a bit too warm.

“I hate my brain,” he whispers. He should be beyond happy, and he is, but he shouldn’t be having anxiety due to that. “I’m–”

“If you apologize, I’m breaking your legs,” comes the empty threat. It makes Nie Huaisang chuckle.

“Fine, I won’t,” but not for lack of wanting.

“Do you want milk?” He asks more softly.

“No,” Nie Huaisang curls closer to him, kissing his neck sweetly. “I only want you.”

It’s not a sensual kiss, and Jiang Cheng doesn’t make more of it either. He only kisses his head in response, brings him closer and shifts them a little to be more comfortable. They should head back to bed… they should, but–

“I think… I think I want to take therapy,” he admits. He hears the surprise in Jiang Cheng’s gasp, lets him take it in.

“You… are you ready?” He asks, not with judgement, but worry.

Nie Huaisang snorts, “Of course not. I don’t–” he sighs, tiredly. All of this feels like pulling teeth. “I don’t think I’ll ever be. But I just–” He shifts to straddle his hips, so they can be face to face. “You already deal with me. Don’t give me that look, I know you can handle me, but A-Yu…” He lets his forehead rest on Jiang Cheng’s, closing his eyes. “I don’t want him to see me like this.”

Broken. Weak. Fragile. He is supposed to be his pillar, not the other way around. He refuses to make his own child care for him, he already had Da-Ge raising him when they were young.

“There is no shame in this, Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng says softly, holding his cheeks gently. “But I understand not wanting to worry him. I am proud of you.”

“I shouldn’t need it,” he says, unable to stop himself. He is vaguely aware he is crying once more, “I should be able to put myself together. I shouldn’t be so–”

“You are being brave,” Jiang Cheng cuts him off. “Lowering your defenses, reopening old wounds, it's brave. Or do you think less of me for needing it? Of A-Yu, who will need it as well?”

“Of course not!”

“Then why is it different for you?”

He can’t tell Jiang Cheng the truth. It’s not that he has this skewed misconception about therapy being for weak people. It is that he doesn’t feel like he deserves it. It wasn’t him who had cancer. It wasn’t him who almost died. And yet it is him who can’t be alone at night, who has panic attacks, who gets jittery with anxiety, who is terrified of change. He has so many things to be grateful for. This house, their dog, his family, his brother, his boyfriend, their son, and yet– 

But he supposes it’s a small price to pay, if his brother is alive, if his brother isn’t the one haunted by nightmares.

“I…” he starts and stops. He doesn’t want to lie to Jiang Cheng. “I’ll tell you when I’m ready. But I promise I don’t think less of either of you for it. I am proud of you as well.”

Jiang Cheng kisses him sweetly, despite his clammy skin, his red face, the taste of tears.

“Let’s go back to bed.”