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English
Series:
Part 49 of The Angst Bard Tales
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Published:
2022-11-05
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741
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1/1
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The resilience of beautiful things

Summary:

Jaskier wonders why he wasn't enough for Geralt. Geralt takes too long to answer.

Notes:

Original date: 5th September 2020

Work Text:

When Geralt gets out from the mountain, he finds Jaskier waiting next to Roach caressing her. He had his lute on one shoulder and his pack on the other.

"Tell me this before I go," he says. "Was I ever going to be enough for you?"

"What?"

Jaskier chuckles, his back facing him.

"I never was, wasn't I? Never would have been. That's why you went back to save her. You would never- I tried. I gave you everything I had to give in my mortal life and yet-"

"What are you talking about, Jaskier?" and despite the two days down the mountain he still sounds angry.

"Nothing, I've got my answer. Goodbye, Geralt of Rivia."

Jaskier walks away and Geralt doesn't follow him.

It's much later, when he's setting camp alone that a pouch of coins falls from his saddles. He finds a note.

"You gave me your last coin. Here it is back with interest."

He understands the message for what it is. It's finality. It shouldn't hurt. Not when it was him that pushed the bard away. But it does.

This was Jaskier saying it's over.

And he thinks of the bard, coinless on his own. He knows he's capable but he worries.

He has no right to.

Weeks pass and then it's months. Seasons pass and the bard is still in his thoughts. When winter passes, he finds himself in Oxenfurt.

"Master Jaskier's playing tonight," a young man says, a flute on his hands. "The farewell before he's back on the road."

"Back with the White Wolf," a girl adds walking next to him.

"Haven't you heard? He doesn't play his songs anymore. Some say Jaskier lacked inspiration. I'd wager that the wolf did what wolf do and bit his hand."

"Don't be daft," the girl admonishes. "You saw him, he's fine."

"I meant metaphorically, Berta. The Wolf hurt him."

The girl hums, as the pair keeps walking. But Geralt is no longer listening. Instead he takes Roach and rides away.

Jaskier’s moved on. As he deserves to. It's better this way, he repeats to himself. It is.

But as the fire crackles that night, Geralt looks to a side. Where the bard would be sitting, the lute in his hands.

He thinks of Jaskier's last question.

Why wasn't it enough To share his life with him? Why did he go after Yennefer?

He realizes it's not the sorceress he pictures back at his side. It's not her he misses the most.

He swallows back a sob as the answer comes to him.

Jaskier had been more than enough, but he was an idiot.

He cries that night. He cries as everyone believes witchers don't.

But the Path waits for no Witcher, so he's back at it again. Hunting and riding. There's no time for broken hearts.

Until he hears a lute on the road and a voice. He rushes Roach and there he is. He looks startled at a side of the road. A hand lying carefully on a hidden knife.

"Jaskier," he breathes out as he gets out of Roach to stand in front of him.

"What do you want?"

"I have your answer."

"Bit late for it, isn't it?"

"Probably, but you deserve to hear it."

Silence.

"Well, what is it?"

"You were enough. You always were."

Jaskier scoffs, and ugly expression on his face. "Really? Funny way of showing it you had."

"Because I was an idiot. I was afraid. We're not taught to love precious things. We're taught only to love the sword for its slices, the potions that poison us, and the Path that will eventually kill us. But not gentle things. Nobody taught me how to love something as beautiful as you. We were taught we would destroy delicate things. Never how resilient they could be."

"Geralt," Jaskier's warns, and there's tears in his eyes.

Geralt takes a knife from a pocket. He puts the handle on Jaskier's hand as he kneels.

"What are you doing?" Jaskier asks as Geralt presses the blade of the knife against his own neck.

"You gave me so much. You gave me your best years, your songs, your gentle care. I don't have much to give, but I have this. My life, it's yours."

"You idiot," Jaskier cries. "I don't want your life, all I ever wanted was your heart."

"It's yours."

The knife falls to the ground as Jaskier's lips connect with his.

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