Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Zhongli's movements were firm and elegant as he took the wine glass's neck in his hand and took a sip from his osmanthus wine. "-So how are things going, Ei?" He asked, voice calm and collected as he looked at his little sister.

"-I'm doing just fine, the elections are looking good" Ei said, her voice elegant and emotionless as always, gotta keep up her image even if she's having a dinner with her siblings, public appearance is still public appearance. Even if she's with people close to her, not that her siblings would mind her cold words, they're used to it by now.

"-Thats good to hear, and now, how is it going with your adopted children?" Zhongli asked, his voice collected, letting out a small smile as he did so, something rare was hearable, as rare as a miracle, Ei was sighing, a big one at that. Zhongli's brows quickly raised at that, exchanging a quick look with their little brother, Venti.

"-my son.. i think he's starting to rebel. Its not that it brothers me, but it worries Yae a lot well rather bothers her but I don't know how to deal with him while he's acting like this." Ei said, her voice filled with tiredness, she wasn't used to people not obeying her, her son has always been a good kid, perfect even. After all, she was the one that raised him with all her attention and strictness, love too of course, but ever since he started attending to a public high school, due to his pleads about now having enough friends, he started behaving differently. Coming home late, and talking back to his parents, Yae was worried if he got into a bad influence and its affecting him, but comes out he's hanging out with people of the finest familys. His even more unexplained behaviour worrying both of them even more, and Ei hates seeing her wife worried and sad.

"-Haha, that must be quite the challenge" Venti joined the conversation, his voice cheerful as always, having a smile on his face that never seems to disappear. Ei looked at him and wondered if he actually had the same dad as her and Zhongli, he always been better at handling people when it came to people close to him. Zhongli and Ei were excellent at handling people without emotions but with much professionalism, but when it came to expressing their feelings it was a challenge in front of them.

"-Have you tried talking to him about it, one on one?" Venti added and his smile was bright just like a star. Ei lets out another sigh, thinking about all the attempts she has made at trying to get anything out of his son.

"-Yes, but every time his answer is the same, "its none of your business", I'm afraid i did something wrong while raising him." Ei looked down on her food, sadness in her eyes, another rare emotion from her.

"You know, Sara our daughter she's a real sweetheart. She's a gifted child and she still puts that one hundred percent effort into everything, she gets home on time, she's respectful, her friends are people's children i know. So what went wrong with Scaramouche?" Wondering why her son behaves that way never helped with anything no matter what she thought of, did she offend him with something perhaps? Or didn't get him something he wanted? Maybe she over spoiled him? Ei couldn't decide which was it, she couldn't understand what her son was thinking.

"-Oh, next time I'm over, i'll should try talking to him, you know if its something he's embarrassed to talk about to his mothers" Zhongli said, voice still elegant and calm. His suggestion wasn't a bad idea, it might be it. It must be hard having two mothers and no dad, he might long for an advice of a father? Is that it? Ei couldn't help but start blaming herself for not being able to give him a dad he might want. Her mind can't help but start speculating that he wants a family that society accepts as the "norm" even if their family is really as great if not greater than any other, its just not the old mother and a father but her and Yae. It makes her sad, the even thought of that, after all even if he was adopted, Scaramouche was still her son. Someone important to her, someone she raised since he was a baby. Even if he was only her adopted son, she loved him just like blood were connecting him to her.

"-If were at that, he perhaps wants to meet his real parents? Maybe he was searching for them and thats why he was behaving like that." Venti said, his smile down a bit, its a heavy topic after all. Ei felt like as if her heart were stopping for the first time in her whole life, she was never worried about anything. She could always get what she wanted, who she wanted, without big effort put into it. The thought of her son wanting to go away from her and her wife made her feel an unfamiliar pain she never felt before. Yet at the same time, she can't stop his son if he decides to move to his real parents, it is his choice, and the choice of who he wants to live his life with as his parents, is his choice too. Ei maybe gave him too much freedom.

"-Cheer up, it might not be even close to reality, you raised him well" Venti said, sympathy in his voice, his smile still on his face. He's right, Ei might be a strict parent but she never failed to spare time for her son. Maybe its just his hormones and the teen want to rebel, Ei really wants to stay neutral on this but its stressing her out

"-Oh! I got it. Lets spend the winter break together, like that everyone could relax a bit, and Tartaglia could try talking to him" Zhongli said, his voice a tiny bit more lively, a gentle smile on his face. His idea was not bad, and definitely welcomed. It has been a long time since there was a family gathering, after all it will be nice meeting the kids again. Ei barely could remember their faces, she still remembers Ganyu's face mostly, but the other kids faces are blurry, its been years since she saw them.

"-Your ideas are good as always, Zhongli" Ei said, her expression now back at calm and collected, voice not showing any emotions again, not like before she was showing so much emotions, but her siblings could tell. their dinner went smoothly onwards, talking about business and catching up with each others life.

Venti didn't fail to entertain them with stories about Lumine and Aether, his two adopted kids, that happen to be twins. Lumine got lost in the city again, and Aether went to search for her but on his way he ended up helping old people with their daily tasks and ended up lost himself, and Venti almost ended up calling the police to report they got kidnapped or something. They are good kids, cheerful yet calm, its soothing to be around them.

It really shows that Venti was the one that raised them, while he was inexperienced and not just that, but a single dad too. He raised them really well, never failed to spoil them with love and affection. The twins had natural talents for almost everything, from studying to outside activities. Venti felt like he didn't deserve such a good kids, and that he's not enough for them as a father. Nowadays he realises that his kids love him and wouldn't feel disappointed in him even if they discovered his past.

It was late at night when they started going home, the clock almost hitting 11 pm, the three went their ways home from the restaurant. Zhongli slowly opened the door trying to not make noises that might wake up his sleeping family. He felt a bit thirsty so he wanted to start his way towards the kitchen, but first he needed to change his clothes into something more comfortable.

Making his way up the stairs he walked towards his and his husband's room the most quiet he could with slow steps, thats when he heard something he couldn't really put in place. It came from one of her younger daughters room, what is Hu Tao up to at this hour he thought to himself. As he got closer it become clear, Hu Tao was crying. Zhongli didn't really knew what he should do, its always Tartaglia that takes care of the kids when they need advice or emotional support. He thinks for a bit then knocks on the door, he can hear a surprised yelp and then half minute later a quiet "come in". Zhongli slowly opens the door and steps in the room, the scene of her middle daughter welcomes her.

Hu Tao sitting on her bed, hands in her lap looking up at his standing father, though because of the light being off, Zhongli couldn't see her face clearly he was sure Hu Tao was crying just a moment ago.

"-Hey, is something bothering you, Hu Tao?" Zhongli tried his best with wording his words, to sound warm and not his usually cold. Empathy in his voice he formed a small smile. Hu Tao gestured him to sit down beside her on the bed, Zhongli following it without word, now sitting on the bed beside his daughter.

"-Father, how did it feel when you fell for dad?" Hu Tao's voice quiet and shaky, it worried Zhongli how different it sounded from usually cheerful and energetic voice. Her question caught him off guard as he didn't expected this at all, nostalgia seeking into his head. The memories of the day he and Tartaglia meet, back in high school. Zhongli rejected Tartaglia several times before going out with him, mostly because he wasn't in the position to have a lover. His schedule was already really packed and he needed to focus on his studies too, all that while taking care of his two siblings. His smile grew bigger from the sudden nostalgia.

"-It was back in high school, we were young and quite a bit reckless. He.. made me feel warm and i got butterflies in my stomach for the first time in my life. At first i thought i ruined my stomach with something, it was quite the adventure by the time i returned his feelings." Zhongli paused for a bit, his voice warm as if he were talking about the best time in his life, memories flooding in from that time. It was so fleeting yet memorable.
"-But how did i feel when i realised i fell for him?. My world crumbled in little pieces. At the time, it was impossible for me to even think about having a relationship with someone, but your dad didn't give up, not even once. It made me feel all warm and weird" Zhongli finished, and he could see tears forming in Hu Tao's eyes.

Panic set in him, in a second as he saw tears starting to roll down on the young lady's face, sparkling in the moon light. Out of choices he had he took his hand to her back and started to gently rub it in up and down motions. When Hu Tao was a baby, it always made her stop crying, no matter how frustrated the little one was.

"-Mmh, let it all out my child, I don't know what you're going through right now, but I'm sure we can find a solution to it" Zhongli's voice felt like honey to Hu Tao at that moment, her tears falling faster by the comfort Zhongli's hand rubbing her back brought to her. She felt safe with her father beside her, it felt so calm and safe her tears didn't see stop, her eyes slowly began to hurt from all the crying.

"-It hurts s..so bad" Hu Tao said, her voice shaky from crying stumbling on her words, Zhongli got closer and hugged her in instinct. It made him feel sad to see his daughter so fragile and messed up in the middle of the night. Hu Tao leaned in his father's hug and cried onto his dress shirt, Zhongli wasn't really bothered by getting it a bit dirty so he didn't pay mind to it.

Continuing rubbing circles around Hu Tao's back, Zhongli could finally hear her breathing steadying, going back to normal. Hu Tao felt sleepy as if she didn't sleep for days, the feeling of comfort and safeness her father brought with him made her calm, calm enough to fall asleep in his arms. Zhongli noticing that Hu Tao have fallen asleep, he slowly placed her on her bed and tucked her in the warm comfort of the layers Hu Tao had prepared for sleeping in.

Zhongli slowly got up from the bed and made his way out of the room as quietly as he could, looking out where he steps and gently closing the door with a small thud. A feeling of relief got to him as he let out a tried sigh, he got pretty sleepy too. He made his way to his and his husband's room rather quick, opening the door and going in. Taking his socks of first, continuing with his pants, then his shirt and tie. He took out a pair of comfortable silk night wear and quickly took them on.

Finally ready to sleep, he got in the bed, and was ready to embrace the comfortableness of the world of dreams. Well, he was about to when a cry from somewhere in the house was hearable. Qiqi's having a nightmare. Again.

Chapter Text

It was early in the morning when Ei woke up, her alarm haven't gone off to wake her, but she was used to this. At this point it was more of an alarm for Yae to wake up to. She looked at her right side, and there was the woman that changed her life, peacefully sleeping beside her, guard down and bright eyes closed. Ei wanted to brush her cheeks and kiss her but that would probably wake her up and Ei didn't want that. Gathering some self control she continued to adore her wife for a bit, then she decided its time to get up and get ready for work. She slowly left the comfortable warmness of the blankets and started her way to the bathroom for some freshening up, well she was about to when she heard a loud thud coming from somewhere in the house. She immediately hurried out, and what welcomed her ruined her day.

"-Scaramouche, why are you at the door when its 5 and a half in the morning?" Baal asked voice stern and steady, she was angry, angry as in his son was going to be grounded for weeks. She crossed her arms and waited for his response, Scaramouche looked up at her mother, standing in her pyjamas on top of the staircase. He knew he's in trouble. Could he tell the truth why he was trying to sneak out of the house? No. Could he just lie to his mother? Also no. They remained like this for a few seconds, Scaramouche would get grounded into an eternity if he tells the truth, and Ei wanted the truth.

"-Its nothing you should be concwrne about, Mother" Scaramouche said, voice so quiet it almost went past Ei’s ears. Eyes down on the ground, he didn't want to face his mother, not right now. What a terrible timing, god must hate him really bad to put him in this situation. Ei frowned when she heard the answer her son gave her, she couldn't believe its really Scaramouche that was being like this.

"-Scaramouche, if you keep up this attitude, you're going back to homeschool" Ei said, she was serious about it, and Scaramouche could feel it in her voice. She had enough of this, she was worried, Yae was bothered by it, while Scaramouche just went and acted as if he weren't being rude or mean to his mothers. In truth, he didn't want to act like this, it came out as a defensive reflex.

"-Do it then, put me back in this prison called home! Do it! As you always do mother, locking me up in the house saying its for my own good! Oh well well, how bad is it that i’m finally free!" Scaramouche raised his voice against his mother for the first time in his whole life.

Regret came over him fast.

It felt bad, terrible. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, he felt bad, the worst he ever felt. His mother didn't deserve to be yelled at like this, he knew his mother was really just wanting the best for him, he knew, but he was sure if his mother knew the truth he would be done for a life. His chest felt as if by the seconds going by it was getting tighter, he didn't mean those words, he really didn't, but he said them because he had to say something. When he saw the sadness in his mother's eyes, he was sure, nothing has felt like this in his whole life. With every drop of sadness in his mother’s eyes it felt as if a knife would twirl inside him.

Soon sadness was replaced by anger.

"-Scaramouche, go to your room. This is a command, later we will talk about your behaviour" Ei’s tone genuinely scared Scaramouche, it was the first time his mother's words felt so cold on his skin that it made goosebumps go down his spine. He felt a tug in his chest and just obeyed his mother's command without saying more.

He rushed up the stairs, avoiding to look at his mother, scared of what he might see in her eyes and shut his door with a loud bang. Ei was sure, today is going to be the worst day she had in a good while after such a terrible start.

—

It was almost 8 am, the usual time when the Morax family had breakfast together. It was a nice habit to keep the family caught up in each other's life, as almost all of them were usually busy with different things. Almost everyone was at the table. The little Qiqi in her high chair waiting impatiently for her food, Hu Tao sheepishly rubbing her eyes making them even more red, getting questioned by her dad why are her eyes so red, Zhongli reading his newspaper while sipping on some hot coffee in peace and Xiao impatiently waiting to start his tofu soup, the only thing stopping him is the fact they only start eating when everyone is here and his older sister is still sleeping.

"-I'm gonna go wake Ganyu up, archons, i can't stare at my soup anymore without eating it, damn it, Ganyu!" Xiao said and got up from the table, Zhongli acknowledged it with a small nod then went back to reading. Xiao made his way up the stairs impatiently, fast and loud steps as he got up the stairs, without knocking on the door he opened it.

A small blush forming on his face, he let his voice out, a shout so girly he would die if any of his classmates heard it. He immediately shuts the door with a loud bang and tries his best to forget what he just saw, he hopes no one has to go through what he just gone through because he’s sure this just broke something in him that will never be the same again. If he could, he would pour bleach into his eyes in hopes of forgetting, this is not how anyone would like to see their admirable older sister look like. With a damn purple haired woman on top of her, face flushed on the verge of tears and no shirt. Nor pants. Remembering it Xiao wanted to crawl his eyes out with his hands.

Zhongli never ran this fast his life, he thought someone has hurt Ganyu, judging by the girly shout that came down. Hu Tao hurriedly got up, mumbling a later we speak about it dad to Tartaglia and got her phone out, ready to record anything that happened up there. The scene they got up to was not what they quite expected, of course Zhongli was glad no one was hurt, at least physically, because this definitely got Xiao a mental scar no medicine can heal.

"-Oh my god, Xiao that shout was yours!?" Hu Tao said between laughs, his always grumpy older brother had such a cute shout it almost made her pee herself from laughing too much. Xiao wanted really bad to show his middle finger to Hu Tao but not in front of their parents. Tartaglia arrived too, with Qiqi in his arms. He couldn't put it together why they weren't going in the room when something might’ve happened to cause such a scream, oh, only if the scream wasn’t Xiao’s.

Giving Qiqi into Zhongli’s arms, he opened the door. He shouted, an even more girly shout overpassing Xiao's, his little wittle baby daughter beneath a god damn purple haired cat looking girl he never seen before, maybe once when he was in their school but he didn't quite remember. "-Get off my daughter this once you horny shit" Tartaglia said with a tone, loud enough the two young ladies finally noticed and stopped. Ganyu trying her best to cover herself she pulled the blanket over herself and Keqing, the purple haired girl, The student council's vice president. Hu Tao now recognised her, she have seen her a few times while she was waiting in front of the principal’s office for doing something bad. She was the perfect vice president and apparently she is sleeping with her older sister.

Ganyu was fucked and she knew it. Hu Tao saw this, she won't get this off for a life from herself. It was a bad idea doing it more. She should have stopped Keqing, when she brought up the idea of doing it in the morning after she sneaked into her room at night and spent it with her.

"-I.. uhm.. Nice to meet you, Ganyu's family" Keqing forced an awkward smile and got off from Ganyu, because that ginger guy, one of Ganyu's dads, were really looking at her with murderious intent in his eyes. "-Dad, please.. uhh.. could you leave for a moment?" Ganyu asked, grabbing the blanket hard. It was awkward, really awkward. Tartaglia closed the door, but before that he sent another glare towards Keqing. He didn't like her at all.

Around ten minutes later, Ganyu got to the table, Keqing have already left in some way because she wasn’t with her, probably through the window. It was quite the awkward situation, Tartaglia's glare could kill at this moment. "-Um.. sorry for what you just saw Dad, Xiao" Ganyu said, rubbing her arm then sitting down. "-Who is she" Tartaglia asked with a dead serious tone, Hu Tao couldn't believe this is actually happening. Xingqiu won't believe this on their next gossip session.

"-She's... she's my girlfriend" Ganyu said, her face flushed from it, she haven't even come out to her family about being only into girls, this is not what she planned at all. though she said it quietly Tartaglia heard it crystal clear. His little sweet daughter is growing up, form the sweet little sugar to a young lady.

He fake cried onto Zhongli's chest as he leaned over his chair, Zhongli let out a small sigh and put a stop to this early morning drama. "-Tartaglia, you know one day they all grow up, it was just matter of time” He said, affectionately patting his husband's head.

"-So, when did my dear older sister start hooking up with the school's vice president" Hu Tao said it with a mischievous smile on her face. It was too perfect to be true, this was the drama Hu Tao just needed to improve her mood. "-When did my dear little sister starts crying over being rejected by an older girl" Ganyu said, rolling her eyes at Hu Tao's smugness. Hu Tao's smile faded fast, but not faster than Tartaglia got up and looked at her with a dead serious face.

"-Hu Tao, you got rejected by someone?" Tartaglia said, voice dead serious. Now Zhongli too had his full attention on Hu Tao, maybe this is the reason she was crying last night he thought. "-Dad, its nothing you have to worry about. Last night.. i just couldn't keep it in anymore and it kinda came out, i'm sorry about it" Hu Tao said, looking at her food, she didn't really had an appetite even if it was his dad's cooking. Hu Tao felt heavy and tried, she didn't wanted to worry her family too, on top of everything. Yes, she did get rejected, and yes, it did affect her, but was she ready to talk about it? No, she liked to bottle up her emotions.

"-Hu Tao, we care about you, if you feel comfortable enough with it, say a word and i'll talk to you" Tartaglia said, empathy in his voice, he knew how bad it could feel being rejected by someone, he gone through manny rejections before Zhongli admitted to love him back.

"-You shit eater, you better watch our for your health or i'll punch you" Xiao said, it might have sounded, kinda, well aggressive, but it was his way of showing his love, and Hu Tao knew that. A small smile forming on her lips as she embraced the love her family is giving her.

"-Hu Tao, if you ever want to know something about it, you know where i'm usually. Also, please don't gossip about today morning to Xingqiu" Ganyu said and Hu Tao lets out a small giggle, was it that obviously she wanted to gossip about today to her good buddy Xingqiu, the gossip machine of the school. Hu Tao lets out a breath she didn't even notice she was holding in, and relaxes her shoulders as a smile seeks into her face, her red cheeks shining with happiness.

—

Chapter Text

"-Hu Tao, i'm sorry but i just don't like you that way, if you could, from now please don't come near me" The soft voice of the slightly older girl echoed in Hu Tao's ears as she sat on the bus, waiting to get to school. Xiangling was babbling about some new recipe she made, and how awesome it was. Hu Tao usually likes to listen to the girl's voice as its full of passion and energy, but today she just couldn't keep up with her fast words.

"-Hey.. Xiangling am i ugly?" Hu Tao asked, voice a bit shaky. Xiangling looked at her and slowly examined every inch of the girl, from her shining scarlet eyes to her dark brown hair that faded into crimson, Xiangling remembers the time she dyed it for the first time back in middle school, Hu Tao's fair skin looked soft, and Xiangling wondered how soft would it feel under her thumb. The girl continued to adore Hu Tao and then answered

"-You look absolutely stunning, Hu Tao" slight seriousness in her voice as she looked into those fascinating scarlet eyes. Slight blush appeared on Xiangling's face, she didn't realised what she said she just said what came to her mind. Hu Tao didn't know how to react, she didn't know what answer she wanted to head in the first place, but the gentle words didn't ease the pain in her chest, it still hurt the way it did before. "-Thank you, Xiangling" Hu Tao said then continued to stare into nothing.

The bus went on a tree lined street and she wondered why her feelings weren't reciprocated. Was she boring? Or did the girl get enough of Hu Tao's personality. She wanted to know, she wanted an answer to her endless questions, why wasn't she good enough. Is there something wrong with her?

She thought about a different world, a world where her confession gone good and now she's with her, and not with him. Hu Tao wanted to cry, to let it all out but she can't do that. Yesterday night can't be repeated, these feelings must stay deep inside her chest, away from the world with her other thoughts. Wondering if there's anything that could ease this pain in her chest, even for a little moment. She would give her world for it, just a little bit of happiness.

The bus arrived and everyone got out, Hu Tao quietly went with the crowd. Deep in her thoughts she didn't notice someone is standing in-front of her and bumped into them. "-Oh my god, are you okay?" The girl said and Hu Tao got lost in her eyes, those soft soft eyes

"-I'm ga- I mean, i'm fine, what about you?" Hu Tao said her words fast, still lost in how pretty her eyes were, how her skin looked soft, really soft, she wondered what it would feel like under her lips. The girl let out a big sigh "-Haah, i'm glad you're fine, i'm pretty hard so i was worried if i hurt you, my name is Yanfei, i'm new here, today is my first day in this school" Yanfei said and helped Hu Tao get up, it took some seconds for Hu Tao to break out of her adoration and actually answer the girl.

"-My name is Hu Tao, i'm a second year student. Nice to meet you, Yanfei" Hu Tao said, eyes slowly going down on the girls body. The uniform looked absolutely stunning on the girl, as if something other worldly were standing in front of Hu Tao. Her eyes were stuck on the girl's chest. Those curves drove her mad, she’s sure Yanfei noticed her staring, as she had a faint blush on her face.

"-Um.. my eyes are up there" Yanfei said in a shy tone, she have long noticed the girls gaze on her, the way her eyes travelled down on her body. It made her heart flutter in a weird way she couldn't place anywhere. "-Oh!.. i- um, sorry for staring. You got a nice body" Hu Tao said, doing weird hand motions to get the girl distracted only to realise what she just said. She wanted to bury herself really bad right now, its not even been 10 minutes since they met and she already said something weird. Hu Tao cursed herself in her mind for being such an idiot.

"-You look nice too.. i mean, i have to go!" Yanfei said and she was gone before Hu Tao could process what just happened, what the girl just said. It made her heart thump in a familiar feeling, a feeling that lead to something pathetic and painful. Oh how much she despited this feeling, just like the way people frowned in the colds of winter and wished it wasn't this cold, she wished she didn't feel this feeling.

Hu Tao made her way to her classroom and got in her seat, beside her sat Xiangling and behind her Xingqiu and Chongyun, she sat on her seat so she was facing Xingqiu, as the girl beside her was occupied with writing something into her recipe book, and it would be a warcrime to interrupt her. "-Hu Tao, Taotao, my dear friendo, you won't believe what i just did" Xingqiu said, something on his phone, and for sure it was being loud. God damn what was blowing his notifications up so bad.

"-the rumour i was talking about to you the other day? The one about the twins being in shady groups. I accidentally posted it on twitter" Xingqiu said and showed Hu Tao his screen. 99+ notifications and 14 missed calls from the twins, oh god this dumbass what did. Hu Tao was sure, today is going to be a lot more tiring than she thought. Hu Tao sighed and got her own phone out, 4 messages from the twins and 2 from uncle Venti.

—

Better twin: Walnut the fuck your friend posted

Betterest twin: Tell him to delete it

Betterest twin: i'm gonna cut his nuts off once i meet him.

Better twin: DAD'S ANGrY WE WILL KILL THAT GUY IF HE DOWSRT TAKE IT DOWN.

—

Oh no. Last time they got angry Lumine almost killed a guy, cause he said Aether looks weak. Xingqiu, you dumb fuck you got yourself in big trouble this time Hu Tao thought. "-Uh.. Xingqiu i think you should take it down, or move to another country" Hu Tao said, showing him the messages the twins sent her, he giggled. "-I've gotten worse death threats, like the time when i wrote an omegaverse fanfic about your sister and the vice pres, damn catgirl is aggressive" Xingqiu said and simply turned his phone off. Oh my poor poor friend, it was nice knowing you.

"-THAT BASTARD! IS HE HERE" I heard Lumine's voice from the classroom's door. She looked angry, really angry. I guess, by "bastard" she meant Xingqiu, now, now, should Hu Tao snitch on him or not, it was a hard decision to make. In the end, she just watched in silence as Lumine tumphed angrily out of the classroom. The bell rang and the class began, the slightly old teacher came in, starting the lesson.

Hu Tao felt like suffocating, but right now she couldn't do anything but stay silent. The silence filled her head, she couldn't think of anything but her, her and the memories that she hold onto so dearly. If only she could go back in time to stop herself from confessing, so she could still hold onto fake hope. Only if. That was all in her head, scenarios where she's holding her hand.

Weeks gone by, turned into months, and it was time for winter break before she noticed. Her days gone by rather cold and numb. She repeated the same thing everyday, wake up go to school go home then repeat. Her friendship with Xingqiu, Chongyun and Xiangling faded just like the summer's warm breeze was long gone. She developed a rather unhealthy coping mechanism of making herself throw up, or hitting her fingers until she can't feel them anymore.

The only thing that made these days a bit bearable was Yanfei, the girl she meet once a week, for three minutes at max. She rather hated the way those small moments made her feel, the way her heartbeat fastened up, it gave her flashbacks of the time she was with the girl she won't ever forget. Hu Tao felt useless, as if her life were meaningless, her cheerful personality gone into barely talking and having to take appetiser medicine, so she eats a little at least.

When her fathers ask about it, she doesn't answer, never the truth. Always some made up lie. A lie to make herself feel better. Making online friends did not help her, it reminded her of what she could have had if she weren't such a "failure" as she liked to call herself. It was a cold morning, she slowly walked down the stairs, today was the day they have a family dinner, a big one. Its been a time since she saw her cousins, she was sure, she's going to get a lots of questions. Questions with no answers to them.

"-Hu Tao, how much sleep did you get?" Ganyu asked her, her hand finding a way to her cheek and gently caressing it. Hu Tao leaned into her big sister's touch and sighed. "-I can assure you, i got at least 6 hours of sleep. Don't worry big sis, i'm fine" Hu Tao said, putting her hand on the hand her sister has on her cheek, it felt great to have someone give her physical affection.

"-You can always talk to me, little walnut" Ganyu said, her thumb caressing gently Hu Tao's face, rubbing close to the bags under the small girls eyes. Hu Tao give her a tried smile and took her hand away. "-We should get going, dad said we gonna be late if we won't hurry" Hu Tao said, putting on a faint smile, Ganyu almost missed it if she weren't staring into her little sister's face. They began their way to the car and got in, their dad's in front, with Tartaglia driving, beside him Zhongli. In the back there was, Ganyu, Xiao, Hu Tao and Qiqi comfortably seated.

It was not much time until they arrived at Venti's house. Baal and Venti already waiting for them in-front of the gate of the house. They were talking about something, well it looked like Venti was talking and Baal was listening to him. As always. They got out, Tartaglia parked and begin their way into the gates. As soon as Venti and Baal saw them a big smile formed on their faces, when they arrived there, they were welcomed with warm hugs from Baal.

It was rare for her to hug someone, but how could she control herself when her little baby nieces and little baby nephew looked so cute. "-Its been such a long time since i seen you four, you all have grown so much." Baal said, pinching Ganyu's cheeks, they were as soft as she remembered. "-Aunftie Bfaal pfease fet me fo" Ganyu said, trying to get the message to Baal, and Baal quickly took notice of it. Letting the girl go, she then went over to Xiao and smiled at him. The boy never was fond of physical touch so she went then to Hu Tao, her face darkened as soon as she saw the girls face.

"-Oh my, dear, what happened to your cute little face?" Baal asked, taking a hand to the girl's cheek and gently rubbing it. Hu Tao sighed and just hugged her auntie. "-Nothing, i just had a bad sleep. Its nice seeing you Auntie Baal" Hu Tao said and Baal let go of her, Baal wasn't convinced but she knew she can't force her to tell her, she learned from her past mistakes.

Baal made her way to Qiqi, taking the little girl from Tartaglia's arms, she hugged the little girl. Then giving her back to Tartaglia, the family then headed in the big house.

At the entrance they all took off their snow covered shoes, just as good mannerism requires it. Tartaglia took off little Qiqi's shoes while Zhongli hold her in his arms, putting a little goat horned slipper on the little girl's feet where she had her shoes on. The others big enough to, did that on their own.

Going further in they were welcomed by the good old fireplace warming up the whole living room. Since they already saw uncle Venti at the gates it didn't surprise them to see the twins and their little baby sister Paimon sitting on the couch near the fireplace passionately arguing about something while Paimon was eating her own hand, well at least trying to. Next to them Scaramouche was sitting on a smaller couch, reading a book that seemed to have a dog in Christmas colours on the cover. In the middle not far from the fireplace trays of different cookies and tea served. Auntie Yae, aunt baal's fiancé was nowhere to be found in the room, but judging by the fact the cookies look home made she was probably in the kitchen preparing their meal for the day. Their other cousin, Scaramouche’s adopted sister, Sara was not here either but the best they knew of her she was probably in her room and will come down when its time for dinner.

As they entered the room the twins made their way to Hu Tao, mischievous smiles on
their faces.

"-So Hu Tao.. we heard you like a certain law student" Aether said and it was more than obvious to Hu Tao now that nothing good will come from this, especially with how invested the twins seem.

"Lets just say a certain bird set you two up for a date not long before school starts" it was Lumine this time that spoke up. Hu Tao did not like where this was going, did she like Yanfei? Absolutely, was she ready to reveal her feelings? No, she really wasn't.

"No, absolutely no, do it and i'm snitching to uncle Venti about you twos little side jobs"

"Go ahead and we'll tell Uncle Zhongli that you set math class on fire, twice" Lumine was full of confidence and Hu Tao knew they would be big enough of snitches to do it even if they started it. "But on a side note, archons girl u need help that second time was personal" it was Aether that decided to comment and Hu Tao didn't mind to say anything but roll her eyes.

"You two do know that all of us are staying here for all of the winter break right? Archons my dad would never let me on a date with Yanfei and we are so far from the city too" Hu Tao took everything she could find as a reason against it, she wanted to think about what if but she knew better than do that to herself again.

"Jeez relax, when did you out of all people start worrying about consequences, obviously we have a plan on sneaking you out a way no one would notice" Lumine rolled her eyes after finishing her sentence, Hu Tao could feel a headache forming just from thinking about what the twins have planned but curiosity always got the better of her.

"Okay, i'll listen to you twos lame-o plan"

"Firstly, its not lame-o its super amazing and well planned" this time it was Aether that decided to chip in, he continued his speech"So you know how this year Auntie Nahida and the ice queen is coming too"

"Yes, it was pretty obvious by the way uncle Venti exploded in the group chat that they never see most of their siblings and the two of them pitied him"

"Great that saves some explaining, so them coming means that there will be Dottore here since he's auntie icy's adopted son. No idea if icy auntie's big tiddie girlfriend is coming too but thats no relevance. Lumine your turn now"

"And if they are here that means aunt Nahida is brining her adopted kids Collei and Tighnari, which means there will be drinking, and when uncle Tartaglia drinks he's a mess, meaning you could sneak out without him noticing" What sealed the deal for Hu Tao was the twins weird laugh after their "plan" being revealed

"Okay, smarty pants one and two, my father would still be sober even if dad gets drunk so this plan is a big fail"

"HAH, foolish of you to think we would let a flaw be in our amazing masterplan. Our dad brought Osmanthus wine with him, four bottles of it, your dad is gonna be wasted" Lumine had this overly proud expression on her face and Hu Tao didn't knew if it was appropriate to gag right now or it would offend the two "miracles" in front of her.

"In anyway i'm not gonna go on a date with her, i'm just not ready to date her or anyone really. Ever since.. you know, her. I haven't been the same I'm not ready to give myself to someone"

"Oh walnut, you know that you deserve better than her and that it is her loss. You are lovely and you deserve someone just as great as you are. Yanfei is the perfect match for you" Lumine's voice got soft, neither of them meant any wrong to Hu Tao they just wanted to help her even if their methods weren't the best. The twins have always been kind hearted enough to help everyone that came their way no matter what, watching someone so close to them suffer was something they wanted to change so they did in fact put in the effort for a possible chance of change. Lumine and Aether are incredibly hard working people, and Hu Tao appreciated it but she wasn't ready for something like this.

"Its okay, i am happy you guys are here for me. If any of youse ever need someone buried you know what my number is" the twins only chuckled at that, even though Hu Tao was serious.

What caught their attention was the front door opening, a small lady coming through first, followed by a teen girl and a slightly older, most likely in college boy. This meant that its Aunt Nahida, Collei, and Tighnari, following them it was the icy queen and her girlfriend, followed by dottore.

She gives them the best wave she can and smiles at them, archons, how did the twins and scaramouche already get into a fight so soon, in the matter of seconds auntie baal seperated them. Probably because of the big noise going on Sara also came down from her room and properly greeted everyone.

She was just as stuck up as she was last year and it didn't seem like it would ever change, little did everyone know she had something going on with the marine biology club's president, Kokomi. She was sure if Auntie Baal ever finds out her little miss perfect daughter is chasing her rival's daughter she will have a heart attack and Hu Tao lowkey looked forward to it.

It all felt warm, the long saw family members showing up and getting themselves comfortable, seeing how much they all have grown since they last saw each other. It all felt weirdly good to Hu Tao, in this moment she really felt that she has a big family, even if her family has its own flaws it was still her family.

Hu Tao let out a deep breath she knew she’s been holding in. She knew because she could feel it in her ribs keeping her up. The last drop of effort in her was let out and everything she thought she could shook in her head.

Chapter Text

After everyone arrived the holiday preparations began. Auntie Yae came out of the kitchen for a little while to greet everyone then she went back. Tighnari joined miss Yae in the kitchen, and the party began.

Uncle Venti immediately pulled out several bottles of alcohol from his bag and set them on the table. He offered me some but i had to refuse, i could feel my dad’s stare burning a hole in my neck, watching what i’ll say.

Terrifying.

The smell of alcohol always makes me nauseous so i excused myself and went out for some fresh air. The sight in front of me was breathtaking and yet it didn’t make me feel anything. The forest facing the big mansion was covered in snow, it was a quiet night, other than the music and yelling coming from inside the house, nothing else was present.

The snow painted trees almost felt unreal with how they stared into me. It was a sight straight out of a fairytale. How could someone resist ruining a sight like this is something i’ll never know. My legs acted on their own and by the time i realised i already had a handful of snow with me; trying to hit the right places for the snow to fall down.

I wanted to ruin it, the trees, the snow on them. I wanted it all gone. I thought for a second and then gave up. I was alone and it started feeling cold even though i had my jacket on.

It wasn’t worth getting sick over snow on the trees, no matter how much i wanted to do something.

I wanted to do something?

The twins really are a bad influence on me. I can’t help but feel tired. I spent last night crying rather then sleeping. I laid down onto the snow and closed my eyes as i let the coldness come over me.

I could feel the cold snow melting from my body’s temperature. As everyone knows when snow melts it becomes water. The snow soaked through my clothes and it didn’t took long for the bottom of my pants and jacket to be freezing.

Stupid snow, stupid trees, stupid me.

I had to think of a plan where no one notices what i have done. It would take too much effort to explain, sneaking back into the house is a much easier way in my opinion.

As i continued to lay in the snow with my wet clothes i began thinking.

The front door is a no no, even if both of them are drunk no way my dads wouldn’t call me to themselves, either to tell me they’re proud of me or cry about how big i’ve gotten.

I could sneak in a window left open? No, Yae hates cold she would never leave a window open in this weather.

That leaves me with the only door into the house other than the front, the one leading directly into the kitchen. With how big the house is you’d think there are lots of doors leading in, but no Auntie Ei had to purchase the one mansion with two doors leading in.

Something something about it being eternal she always babbles about probably played a weird part in why she choose this mansion. Though i have to admit it is quite pretty with its old look and not so modern architecture making it look expensive.

Her wealth will never fail to amaze me, if she wasn’t my aunt she would totally be on my “possible sugar mommies” list. But she is my aunt so thats a big no and ew ew.

at this point i’m not sure if i’m going to survive this night, with how cold my hands feel i wouldn’t be surprised if frostbite already got to me. Though thats unlikely as i always have been infamous for my high body temperature at all times.

The amount of ER trips i had to go through because my dad thought i was dying is more fingers and toes than i have.

I think I’ve thought more than enough for the day, its time to rest. I really wanna rest. Rest. Sleep.

Sleep sounds great. I want sleep.

It didn’t took long for the sandman to take me away and fall asleep, i was awfully sleep deprived. By the time i woke up I wasn’t in the snow anymore but by what i’m guessing one of Auntie’s rooms.

It had a bed i was laying in, a closet by the window and a desk with a chair under said window. On the other side was a mirror and then a door that lead somewhere, if i had to guess its probably a bathroom since the door that functions as a exit and in, is currently open leaving me a little sneak a peek of what i think is my father’s back.

I’m dead.

Out of everything i could have done i fell asleep in the snow. In the fucking snow. Is this what an accidental suicide attempt is? its probably something else

All i know is, my dads, well not just my dads but everyone will expect a good explanation on why I was laying in the snow.

Now this is something i’m gonna have to plan out carefully. If i answer wrong i’m ending up at the crazy house or in a therapist’s office. I don’t want either so i’m gonna have to pull out a few tricks in my sleeve.

This was when i realised my head was more empty than i would’ve liked it to be.

Even though i was trying my best to make one good thought i couldn’t. Everything i could think of was how cold the snow felt against my hot body.

Oh archons, why do you hate me so much. In this moment i would’ve done anything to go back in time and stop myself from being so so dumb and sleeping in fucking snow.

Maybe i do belong in a crazy house, i slept in the snow. I fell asleep in the snow, with wet clothes. Maybe i am just better off caged or something for my own good.

I hate myself even more for being like this. I can always think but at the moments i need to. My own brain hates me, how could i not hate myself.

I took a deep breath and tried my best to have some more sleep.

Chapter Text

When Hu Tao woke up she was covered in cold sweat, her throat dry and itchy the cold feeling of the soft snow under her warm body long gone.

It was time to face the consequences of her actions, no matter how much she wished she didn’t had to.

She sat up in the bed she was in, and took a careful look around the room. Currently she was alone in the room, but the door was still open. Only leaving the faint memory of her father’s back.

She let out a breath she was holding in and tried her best to wobble out of bed. Damn the iron deficiency striking her at a moment like this, she was truly routing into being rushed to the ER once more.

She got out of the room and arrived in what she assumed was another living room, but rather than having a fireplace it had a big tv that was probably six times her vertically.

Xiao was sitting on the couch placed before the enormous tv, seeming to be lost in thought. Beside him was Ganyu who also seemed to have no thoughts, and then there was little Qiqi on the carpet trying to eat play doh.

She forced out a quiet and raspy “-Hi” at her siblings, trying her best to act natural

“-Oh my god, Hu Tao, you’re alive! For a moment i thought you wont ever wake up you know” Ganyu said having a relived look on her face, it really must have been stressing for her to see Hu Tao in a state like that, it must have been a tough experience for all of them. She can only imagine the horror her parents must have felt when they found her asleep in the snow.

“-yep, alive and well, i don’t wanna haunt y’all yet, maybe in a few years” Hu Tao said, anxiety now creeping itself even more into her brain.

“-Dad cried” was all Xiao mustered out, not even looking at Hu Tao, just stating it like a fact that had to be said. Hu Tao could feel her heart drop to her stomach, hearing those two words.

She tried to speak but her voice has betrayed her. She couldn’t say anything, she couldn’t move, she was just standing there, all useless.

“-Xiao, now is not the time to be like this” said Ganyu, she has always been way too soft on everyone; a permanent flaw that she had.

“-Whatever” and with that Xiao got up and left the room. Now it was Hu Tao, Ganyu, and Little Qiqi still trying to eat that damn play doh.

“-I’m sorry” was what Hu Tao finally punched out of herself. She felt miserable but, she knew it was only going to get worse from this point.

“-oh, little Tao. Xiao didn’t mean to be.. rude, he was just worried about you and dad crying only made him even more frustrated. Its not your fault that he cried, its really no one’s”

Hu Tao standing still uselessly couldn’t say anything.

She made her whole familys vacation terrible with one selfish act. She hated herself more than ever in that moment, a part of her wished that she had died in the snow yesterday.

The whole family reunited after such a long time and she ruins it, makes her dad cry and her brother possibly hate her forever. Hu Tao thought about just how truly useless and burdensome she is.
She felt as if the whole universe was weighing onto her.

She didn’t mean any of this, she didn’t want any of this.

She just wanted a peaceful moment of rest.

“-where are the others?” She finally gathered the courage to ask Ganyu, her sister looking into her eyes with worry

“-they are down the hall, just right where yesterday’s party was held” Ganyu said and motioned with her finger to a door to their right.

“-i should probably speak to dad”

“-i’m not sure if thats a good idea right now, Tao”

“-i know.”

And with that Hu Tao left the room, the door led to the hallway Ganyu has mentioned, at the end of it was another door. Hu Tao stopped.

She took a big breath and opened it, the door slowly croaked and she entered the room. Worried eyes looking at her; but she stared right into her dad’s tear filled dark blue eyes.

Tartaglia hurried up from his seat in front of the fireplace and embraced her in his arms. It was a comfort Hu Tao knew very well, ever since she was a child if something happened those arms would comfort her. It was a safe space of sorts, her dad’s caring warmth.

“-you scared me to death, little walnut” Tartaglia said, his voice was trembling. His grip on his daughter did not ease. He felt if he let go, she might slip away into nothing.

He has never been as scared as he was last night. The terror that sight was, is something that he’ll never forget. His precious child he has been raising all her life, unconscious in the snow. It took everything in him to not breakdown right there. His instincts taking over is one of the reasons Hu Tao didn’t freeze to death.

“-i’m sorry” again it was all Hu Tao could say. Nothing else came out, even though she wanted to say so much to him. To not worry, that she is alright, but no other words came out. Just sorry.

“-its okay, everything is gonna be okay” Tartaglia caressed her hair just the way he did when she was a little kid. The gentle warmth of his hand, long burned into Hu Tao’s memory.

Hu Tao rarely cries when its about something she did. Especially not in front of so manny people, but she had no control of her tears in that moment.

- -

The rest of the afternoon was spent with apologising and telling how she ended up like that. Reassuring everyone it was not an attempt on her own life, even though she wasn’t sure herself what it truly was.

Soon the night came, but sleep did not come to her eyes. It was 11 pm currently and she felt incredible hunger. It was time to sneak a snack from the kitchen.

She got out of bed and tried her very best to be as quiet as she could. She tried her best but the doors simply did not care, creaking even louder than usually.

Even with all the doors trying to make her fail, she made it to the kitchen’s door.

She opened it and she was welcomed by a familiar face. It was Xiao, eating a block of plain tofu. Hu Tao didn’t knew how to feel, one she wanted to talk with Xiao about what happened, but two, plain tofu out of the tub?..

She choose to ignore his questionable snack choice.

“-hey” It was so quiet that he wouldn’t have heard her if it wasn’t for the choking silence in the whole mansion.

He didn’t say anything

“-i know you’re mad at me, and i’m sorry, Xiao” Hu Tao took a deep breath and continued “-I didn’t mean to make dad cry, I didn’t mean to make anyone worried”

“-yeah, you never mean to do anything Hu Tao, its like you don’t even care about us, about your own family” his words felt like little stabs in her heart, with every word her heart sank lower and lower. “-you know how fucking worried i was? What if you died? What if you fucking died?” His voice began to shake. “-i don’t want you to die”

Hu Tao didn’t knew what to say.

Xiao has never been the type to talk about how he feels, ever since he was a kid it took a lot for him to open up about how he was feeling. Hu Tao was struck, frozen, just completely paralysed.

Seconds passed, and seconds turned into minutes.

Xiao has long walked out of the kitchen, taking the tofu with him.

Hu Tao just stood there, as if she was some kinda statue.

Time didn’t stop, it never did. She felt how slow it was, how agonising it was for the night to pass.

Hu Tao learnt an important lesson that day, apologies don’t always end well. Even if its your brother you’re apologising to. Someone you knew from the moment of birth.

Hu Tao lost a bit of herself, but thats just life being life. She felt empty, but then there was nothing that could fill her empty shell of a body.