Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You’re exhausting!”

Buck didn’t realize at the time what the cold meant. It didn’t even occur to him to pay attention to it, not when he was staring his Soulmate in the face. Eddie’s eyes were lit with anger, face flushed with it, dark fury twisting his features into some beautifully grotesque picture from which Buck couldn’t look away. He didn’t register the pangs of chill in his body, the way his fingers burned like a thaw ripping through the digits. He didn’t dare consider himself and the ice water running through his veins. Not when Eddie was so angry, spewing these hateful things. 

Eddie had spent so long trying to undo those feelings in Buck’s head, trying to convince Buck that he mattered and that he was loved. He supposed it didn’t matter now. 

Buck wasn’t sure when he realized Eddie was his Soulmate, but he’d known at the time that he wasn’t Eddie’s. It was rare for Soulmates to be disconnected, though not impossible. Buck should have known that he’d be one of the select few; he should have known he’d be without a Soulmate, he’d be Freezing to death as the warmth seeped out of his soul. In hindsight, he thought he may have, but blind hope kept him from Freezing too early. 

Eddie and the team were gone in flash, dealing with an emergency in the parking lot with which Buck couldn’t help. He was nothing but a bystander, useless in the fray, only a hindrance if he tried to help. He barely noticed the way he pulled his jacket tighter around himself; it was early October, it made sense that he’d get a little cold. 

Back in his apartment, Buck curled up under the blankets, ignoring the way his fingers again burned as they warmed up, the way his nose ran, his toes felt frigid against his own calves. He didn’t think about it. All he saw in his head was Eddie’s face, all he heard were Eddie’s words, and all he felt was his heart breaking. 

***

After a few days, it began to worry him. His doctor hadn’t mentioned anything about feeling cold with the blood thinners, but maybe it was a symptom? Maybe it’d slipped the doctor’s mind as he’d had so much to go through and so many more important patients to whom he needed to attend. Nevertheless, Buck made an appointment with his doctor for later that week as he drowned himself in blankets and sweatshirts and fuzzy socks. 

The doctor seemed troubled as Buck described his symptoms, nothing more than an ever-present chill in his bones, a slightly lower body temperature when he checked the thermometer. There were tests, lots of tests, blood drawn and MRIs taken and eventually, hours later, Buck was taken to a small room that spoke of abandonment. 

He stared at the machine housed there, feeling something drop heavy in his stomach. “An SS machine?”

The nurse gave him a sympathetic smile. “Just to rule it out.”

He nodded, though he didn’t quite believe it. A Soul Scanner. To check if his soul was dying. 

He let the nurses arrange him in the machine and stayed still as the pictures were taken, fighting off the trembling wanting to take over his body as he lay there, uncovered except for a hospital gown. Soon enough, he was back in a hospital room and awaiting the rushed results. 

It was barely half an hour before his doctor and another came in, both with grim expressions on their faces. Buck swallowed heavily and waited. 

“Buck,” his doctor began slowly, “this is Dr. Gomez. She will be taking over your case for this.”

“Why?” He asked, his voice trembling, either with cold or fear, he wasn’t sure. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m afraid so,” Dr. Gomez answered with a sad smile. “Mr. Buckley, you are Freezing.”

It took a moment for Buck to truly understand what she was saying and what that meant. “I’m dying?”

There was a short pause before Dr. Gomez said, “It’s tricky to say. You have a rigorous case, which seems to be worsening at a very fast pace. I can’t say whether you’ll survive it. But I suggest you get your affairs in order in case the worst happens.”

“Why is mine going so fast?” He asked. “Don’t people usually have months?”

Dr. Gomez nodded. “Usually, yes. However, there are chances where the condition is exacerbated by either the love the individual has for their Soulmate, the Soulmate connection being one-sided, or a lack of support outside of that relationship.”

Right. Of course. “I… I love him more than anything. And I’m not his Soulmate. And I have… no one who loves me anymore.”

Both doctors looked pained. “I’m sorry, Mr. Buckley,” Dr. Gomez said, and she sounded sincere. “I truly am sorry. But you likely won’t have long left.”

Buck left the hospital in a daze, shivering against the wind. He wasn’t sure how he drove home, but he got there before he realized it, sitting in his car as he thought. 

They gave him just over three weeks. Barely two weeks before it’d be irreversible. 

Buck wanted to go run to Eddie, beg for forgiveness, beg him to love Buck and allow him to live. He wanted to tell Maddie, tell the team, give them a chance to slow the process of his Freezing soul, hold him close and warm him up. He wanted a family to love him in his final days, if the Freeze took over his whole body and left him hypothermic and eventually dead. 

The team didn’t want him anymore, they didn’t love him anymore. Maybe they never loved him in the first place. And as for Eddie… Buck knew he wasn’t Eddie’s Soulmate. He knew Eddie wouldn’t deal with the consequences of Buck’s Freeze. He knew he’d disappear from the team’s hearts, if he hadn’t already. 

No, Buck would go quietly, without forgiveness, without love, without comfort. He’d spend his final days shivering until his body was so dead he wouldn’t even feel cold anymore, and then he’d let his heart give out as it should have when the truck crushed him into the asphalt. Buck would Freeze over, and the world would be none the wiser.

Chapter Text

Eddie felt hollow these days. He wasn’t sure what caused it, wasn’t sure where it came from or how to get rid of it, but he felt so empty. He felt a minor ache panging in his chest every so often, almost like a little cramp in an overworked muscle. He couldn’t be sure what it was, and given the way everything was going, he figured it’d be best to ignore it. 

Bobby sat at the table with a sigh, throwing down a stack of papers in front of him. He caught the attention of the subordinates close by, Hen, Eddie, and Chim. Bobby rubbed his fingers into his forehead like he was trying to alleviate a stress headache. “Buck dropped the suit.”

His words weren’t met with much of a reaction. Eddie wasn’t really sure what he felt in response. He wanted to be happy, though he wasn’t sure he knew how anymore. Happiness had felt like a foreign concept since the night Shannon sat across from him in a fancy restaurant and ripped his future away from him. The closest he’d gotten to any sort of relief was watching the fights in the junkyard, but it just left him antsy and anxious, like he needed a turn. The thought scared him, but maybe less than it should have. 

“Well, that’s good, right?” Chimney finally said, snapping Eddie’s attention back to the matter at hand. “I mean, Buck didn’t mean to do harm, and he realized he did.” 

Bobby rolled his eyes. “Chim, he told the lawyer all that about us—“

“As if that information can’t just be found with enough digging,” Hen cut him off. “Come on, Bobby, give the kid a break. He’s gone through a lot, the least you could do is take the olive branch.”

Eddie felt anger rising in him, matching an ache that felt more severe than the others. “Why should we? After what he’s done to us.”

“Us?” Chimney asked, brows raised. “Eddie, he didn’t sue us.”

“No, but he obviously doesn’t care about us enough to consider us in his decisions or even give us a heads up. Did he call either of you?” He waited, though there was no answer from the paramedics. He scoffed. “Exactly. Buck doesn’t care about anything except himself.”

“That’s not fair, Eddie,” Hen shot back. 

“I don’t see how it’s not.” Eddie shoved his chair back and stood. “He abandoned us without a care in the world. He obviously doesn’t need us, so why are we pretending like we need him?”

Hen called after Eddie as he stalked out, but he didn’t dare bother turning around. He bounded into the locker room, just in time for the ache to turn sharp. He winced and doubled over, clutching at his chest. It wasn’t his heart, the pain was central, closer to his solar plexus. Almost like his soul. 

He ignored it again and changed into his workout gear. There was a perfectly good punching bag in the station gym, and he would damn well use it. 

***

Buck couldn’t feel his fingers or toes. 

He knew what that meant. He knew stage one of hypothermia, and he knew what it would do. His extremities were so cold, he couldn’t even move them. He felt like there was ice in his veins. It was close enough; there was ice in his soul. 

Every single blanket that he owned was on top of him as he lay curled up in bed, wrapped tight so no heat could get out, bundled up in a sweatshirt and sweatpants and two pairs of socks along with another pair on his hands. 

It sapped all of his energy so quickly, all Buck could do was sleep. He wanted to get up, do the things he loved one more time, maybe pet some dogs and cats while he was still able to lift his hands. But he was so tired, and he had so little energy, and his eyes closed so easily. He wasn’t sure if he’d gotten this much sleep in a long time. 

He got a message from Bobby, telling him to come to the Rage Room. Buck tried, God, did he try. He found himself slumped against his front door, not having had the strength to get it open or even stay standing. 

He cried there for himself, and he cried for his past, and he cried for the family who didn’t love him and the family that briefly did. He cried for all the years he’d been unloved and alone, all the nights he’d slept curled up in the backseat of his car. He cried for Maddie who spent so long living in a nightmare and was losing her brother without even knowing, and he cried for Bobby who lost his family in a fire and thought he wasn’t worth finding another, and he cried for Hen wanting to grow a family with the difficulties of the world around them, and he cried for Chim and his fears after Doug almost killed him, and he cried for Eddie who lost his Soulmate in a car accident right after she’d rejected him, before the Freeze could set in, and he cried for Chris who never in his life had two parents at once. 

He cried for what may have been hours, until he didn’t have any energy left. And then, he ordered an Uber. It took fifteen minutes for him to get downstairs, and by that time the Uber was pulling up outside his building. The driver rushed out and helped him into the backseat and asked, “Where are we going?”

“Hospital,” Buck said roughly. He wiped at his wet face with the back of a trembling hand, teeth chattering. “It’s time to go into hospice.”

The driver was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry to hear that. You got people to call? Make it easier for you?”

“No,” Buck whispered. “No one.”

***

Buck was checked in and processed quickly before he was being sat in a wheelchair and taken up to the top floor, to a special ward called the Freeze Unit. At odds with its name, the unit was the warmest place in the hospital, with the temperature cranked up to at least 80 degrees at all times. Patients were given warm clothes and warm or electric blankets. The beds themselves had heating mechanisms in the mattresses. The walls were painted a kind, inviting yellow. If Buck had to die, at least he’d be somewhere nice. 

After his time as a firefighter, he figured he’d go out in a blaze of glory after pulling a stupid, risky stunt. He thought he’d have people at his funeral who loved him and cared for him until the very end. How fitting, really, that he’d freeze himself from the inside out with no one to call during his final days. 

The patients in the Freeze Unit were encouraged to talk with one another. There was always the chance that a weakened soul may latch onto another and the two individuals would be able to become Soulmates, a strange twisted version that lacked the love and connection of the real thing. It led to an existence which was less than ideal, but Buck figured it was better than death for most. He wasn’t so sure it was for him. 

Two orderlies got Buck situated in a bed, giving him fresh, warm blankets and setting him up with a TV. The Freeze Unit had individual rooms, also painted yellow, which were made for people to feel comfortable in their final time. He put on the first decent thing he found and closed his eyes. He’d done so much today, and he was exhausted. It was so easy for him to fall asleep. 

Chapter Text

Buck woke to the sun shining through the blinds and the TV off. He lay there for a moment, trying to warm up his fingers, but they were too cold. He was already in stage two of Freezing. 

While he stared at the ceiling, he contemplated his death. A nurse had informed him upon his admittance that a lawyer would come by to assist him in adjusting his Will so that he could know everything was taken care of. Buck hated the idea that a lawyer would be taking over his life again, but this time, he knew it was best. He knew, without it, his family would suffer. 

He was just coming to terms with it when the door to his little room opened. He braced himself for an interaction with a nurse, but instead, Maddie swept into the room. She was quiet as she came in and slipped the door shut. Her eyes were downcast and red-rimmed, her cheeks wet with clear tear tracks. Buck’s first instinct was to go out and find whoever made his big sister cry, and then he realized it was probably his own fault. Just another reason to let go. 

Maddie took a deep breath to center herself, then looked up at him. She seemed surprised to see his eyes looking back at her, but then she just began to cry in earnest. She sat at his bedside and reached under the covers for his hands. She winced, clearly, at the chill in his fingers, but he didn’t really notice. She was so warm. With all the strength he could muster, Buck shifted closer to her, curled up on his side so he was as close as he could get. Without a word, Maddie stood and slipped onto the mattress beside him. Quickly, silently, they lifted the blankets so she could maneuver underneath and hold Buck, skin to skin. 

“Evan,” she sobbed softly, though didn’t continue. She pressed kisses to his forehead as she held him to her chest. He felt little again, like the little boy who thought the world of his big sister. 

He nuzzled into her chest, listening to her heart. “How did you find out I was here?”

“The hospital called me,” she said carefully. “They said that you’d been… you were admitted into hospice.”

He winced. “I’m sorry. That must have been a rough phone call.”

Maddie laughed, though there was no mirth in it. “I just about had a heart attack. They wouldn’t tell me what happened, just that I’m your emergency contact and needed to come see you.” She squeezed him tighter, held him closer. “I kept asking if they had the wrong Evan Buckley. I kept praying they were wrong. But here you are.” She sighed, a shaky thing that held all the world’s troubles in just one breath. “You’re Freezing.”

“I know.”

She shook her head. “Your hands are like ice, Evan. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

He shrugged. “It only started a few weeks ago. I didn’t really realize what it was until maybe two weeks ago. By then, I…” He shrugged again and burrowed further into his sister’s warmth. “I have a really advanced case. Because of how strongly I was rejected, I guess.”

Maddie nodded. “Everything that happened with the lawsuit, it… it got bad, huh?”

“Yeah. It did.” 

They stayed like that for a while, basking in the silence of the room. He wondered how much longer he’d last. How much longer would he be able to sap warmth from his big sister before his heart grew too cold to keep beating? How much longer would he have to tell her he loved her?

“Who is it, Buck? Is it Eddie?” 

Buck sighed. “Please don’t be mad at him. It’s not his fault we’re not connected on both sides. I knew that a while ago, but it’s not his fault he rejected me. He didn’t know.” He wanted to sit up, look Maddie in the eye as he said this, but he couldn’t muster the strength. “Maddie, please don’t push them all away. They love you so much, and you love them. And I just… I don’t want you to lose everyone you love. Just because they couldn’t save me, too.”

Maddie sniffed and blew out a shaky breath. “Buck… you’re too good. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

They lapsed into another weighted silence, and Buck, warm for the first time in weeks, comforted by the embrace of his big sister and the love they held for each other, and exhausted by the energy he’d already used, fell asleep in the safety of Maddie’s arms. 

***

The lawyer came by later, and Maddie held Buck in silence while they spoke. He got his Will sorted quickly, given that he had so little to offer and so few places for it to go. He split his savings among his family’s children, creating another account for Maddie in case she ever had a kid. The largest sums went in that account and the one under Christopher’s name. Everything that belonged to him was to be split among everyone however they wanted it, and whatever they didn’t want was to be donated. The lawyer discussed with Maddie how they’d deal with his apartment and the things which come with death. In all, it was a shorter session than Buck expected. 

Maddie had to leave after that. Buck held her tighter, body already growing colder at the thought of her letting go. 

“I’m so sorry, Evan,” she whispered into his hair. He felt a spot grow wet and knew she was crying again. “I can’t call out of this shift, but I promise it’ll be the last one. And I’ll spend every second I can with you.”

“Maddie…” He shook his head sadly. “I don’t want you to be miserable with me. And I don’t want you to torture yourself.”

She scoffed. “You’re out of your mind if you think I’m gonna let you die alone.”

They went silent after that, because it was the first time they’d admitted aloud the inevitable. That he was dying. That she’d watch her baby brother take his last breath, lose his soul, and slip into death like an old friend’s welcome embrace. 

“I love you, Maddie.” He said into the silence. The tears on his cheeks were cold, but he couldn’t stop them. “I love you so much. You’re the best sister anyone could ever ask for. You’re the best person I know. And I’m so proud of you for everything you’ve done. You’re gonna do such great things.”

She maneuvered them so they were looking at each other, a sad smile on her face. “I love you, too. I don’t want you to think that you’re unloved. Because you’re not. Even if the team is mad at you, they still love you.”

He shook his head but didn’t say anything else. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and muttered one last I love you before she slipped out from underneath him. He immediately nestled into her warmth left on the bed, and watched her slowly move away, out the door, sobbing all the while. 

***

Eddie almost couldn’t move. His chest ached something fierce, though he had no clue where it came from or what was the cause. If he told the team, he knew that they’d immediately check him out and take him to the hospital. But he couldn’t have them seeing the bruises littering his torso. He couldn’t let them know what he’d been doing at night. 

He was so ashamed of himself, his newest outlet of beating on others. He hated it, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. It felt good. It felt freeing. It was intoxicating, letting his anger run wild and take over, take it out on someone who was willing to let him. Eddie felt almost addicted to it. He tried to ignore what that meant.

Part of him, a bigger part than he’d like to admit, missed Buck. Another part of him wanted to stop the night fights, go back to stuffing down his emotions and ignoring them. Another part of him wanted to take Buck into the ring and wail on him until they weren’t angry anymore. Clearly, Eddie didn’t listen to any of those parts. 

The ache in his chest turned sharp, and he almost doubled over. He knew he’d caught Chim’s attention, then, and the man rushed over to Eddie’s side, asking him what happened, what was wrong. He wasn’t sure what to say, how to get out of this situation. Eddie wanted to come clean, admit he was in well over his head, admit there was something wrong and he needed help. 

“I just kinda stubbed my toe,” He fibbed, not at all sure it was even convincing. “I didn’t sleep well last night, I’ve been a bit loopy all day.”

Chimney leveled him with a worried look, but something in Eddie’s expression must have been convincing enough, because the paramedic sighed with a nod. “Well, get some rest, okay?”

Eddie nodded. “Totally.”

Chapter Text

Maddie felt like throwing up. She knew, any day now, her brother would be gone. The last time she was there, it didn’t look good. And without Eddie’s love, his soul would continue to grow colder and colder until his body Froze. 

Despite Buck’s begging and pleading, she couldn’t help the anger in her that welled up every time she thought of the team, but especially Eddie. How could he just… do that? How could he reject Buck, even by accident? Her baby brother. He deserved the world. And instead, he got a Freezing soul. 

Maddie pieced herself back together before slipping inside Buck’s hospital room. Like always, she’d felt a bit of relief when she made it to his room where his name was still on the file out front, but with it came the steadily growing dread as the days dragged on and Buck continued to die. How much longer did he have left? How much longer would she have her baby brother? 

She wondered if she would know the moment he was gone. She didn’t think so. They weren’t Soulmates, they were siblings. But they were more than that. Maddie raised him. Maddie held him when he cried as a baby. She was the one who made him giggle for the first time. The reason he crawled and walked for the first time was to get to her. His first word was Mabbie . She bandaged his cuts and kissed him goodnight. She instilled the spirit of Christmas in her baby brother, she took him trick-or-treating on Halloween, planted eggs all over the yard for Easter, stuck a dollar bill from her own allowance under his pillow every time a tooth fell out. Maddie loved him from the moment she’d held him, her baby brother, Evan. She adored him more than anything. It almost seemed fitting that she would know the moment he was gone, the moment her life would become that much duller. 

Still, Maddie put on a brave face and made her way into Buck’s hospital room, quiet as she slipped in so she didn’t disturb her sleeping baby brother. He looked so young now. He reminded her of Daniel in his final days. The thought made her sick with grief. 

It wasn’t fair. Why did she have to lose both of her little brothers? Why couldn’t she keep the people she loved? Why didn’t the Buckley siblings deserve to be happy?

Maddie sat in the chair by Buck’s bedside and watched him sleep. He looked almost cozy; he was drooling, his mouth parted, buried under blankets and snuggled into the sheets, bundled up in one of Bobby’s sweatshirts that the man had given him back when he was in the hospital with his crushed leg, when Buck was upset Bobby had to leave. The hood was up and Buck’s unruly curls were sticking out and crushed against the pillow. It was so rare now that Buck let his curls go wild. Maddie always thought they made him look softer, younger, and if she was being honest, she sometimes missed when Buck was Evan, when he looked up at her with big blue eyes and fluffy blond curls. She missed the way they looked. She missed Evan when he was young, when he pretended to still believe in Santa for years because he didn’t want her to stop sneaking around and leaving little trails of evidence. She missed when they were each other’s worlds. She missed when she could take away all the hurt in his heart and make him smile and laugh that carefree giggle she loved so much.

She looked at him now and tried desperately to find that light in his face. She tried to find an ounce of hope. But all she saw was Daniel dying while a young Evan sat in her lap, oblivious to the pain around him. All she saw was the crushing disappointment in Evan’s eyes when their parents failed to show up for him again. All she saw was the pure devastation in her brother’s boyish face as she walked away from him and left him with their parents, the people who should have loved him but never did. 

A part of Maddie was angry with the team. She knew Buck asked her to let it go, to keep their family with her after he was gone. But she couldn’t manage it. She wasn’t entirely sure she ever could. It was their fault she was losing him. It was their fault Buck was literally dying from loneliness. It was their fault Buck had the most advanced case of Freezing she’d ever seen. 

But deep down, she knew it was also on her. She was so busy with everything else going on that she dismissed Buck’s pain and frustrations. She was so caught up with her own unresolved trauma that she didn’t really acknowledge Buck’s until it was too late. She had been so angry at him when she found out about the lawsuit, not even from her brother, but from Chimney. Buck had kept it from her. She knew why now; he didn’t want her to get caught between her boyfriend and her brother. But she ignored that. She took it to mean Buck wanted to put a wedge between himself and Maddie, too. And she tried to let him. It helped that she was so busy taking it to extremes with the woman she thought was a victim of abuse. But Maddie had the chance to let it go and hold her brother close, to make sure he wasn’t completely alone. But she didn’t take it. And he was alone. So alone that he’d been surprised when she stepped into his hospital where he looked like he was on death's doorstep. 

Buck shifted in his sleep, his eyes cracking open just enough to see her. A smile slowly graced his face, a mere shadow of what it used to be; his lips were chapped and almost gray, his face a sickly pallid color, eyes cracked open just enough to see her. He was still her baby brother, and he still had her heart just like he did the day he was born. 

“Hi, Mads,” he whispered, voice cracking. 

Maddie forced a smile onto her own face, but Buck’s eyes were already slipping closed again. Still, she sniffed back her tears and said, “Hi, Evan. Sleep well?”

He hummed an affirmative with a little nod. He was still smiling. Maddie tried to remember how often she’d seen him smile in the past few months. She thought she could maybe count the number of times on one hand, maybe two if she counted the little ones. What did it mean, that he was happier on his deathbed because he had some sort of company? Had she really failed her baby brother that much?

She thought back to Daniel, the little boy who always had a smile on his face even as he was going through chemo sessions and bouts of sickness and nausea and losing his hair. He hadn’t smiled in the weeks before he died. Maddie wasn’t there when Daniel took his last breath, he was alone. Her parents were grieving him already, too torn up over his loss to fathom being there to watch him die, and Maddie was already taking care of an infant Evan and being told to forget Daniel ever existed. She always regretted letting Daniel die alone. He was just a little boy, just six years old. He must have been so scared. 

Maddie wouldn’t let that happen to Buck. She wouldn’t let him die alone. It would be unbearable, she knew, but she would sit next to him, hold his hand as he took his final breath. Maddie remembered sitting in the hospital waiting room in her little elementary school uniform, hearing that her baby brother was coming. They’d given him a name that Daniel chose; he’d been really into X-Men at the time, and one of his favorite characters was Spyke. He liked him because his name was Evan Daniels, so close to his own name, so he wanted his baby brother to be named after his favorite superhero. Daniel had always hoped the radiation would turn him into a superhero. Their parents told him, in his final days, that it turned him into an angel. Daniel didn’t like that as much. 

Maddie hoped, though, that it was true. Maybe their brother was watching over the two siblings now. Maybe Buck would finally get to meet him, big brother Daniel. Danny, Maddie called him behind closed doors. Their parents hated it, but Daniel felt it was special between the two of them. It was the last thing she’d ever called him; she’d told him she loved him, and she went home to take care of Evan while their parents cried. She didn’t understand at the time that she wouldn’t be seeing her brother again. 

Maddie wouldn’t take it for granted this time. She’d spend every second she feasibly could with Evan. She’d make sure he didn’t die alone. She’d love him, take care of him, dote on him until the heart monitor flatlined and every day after until her own heart gave out. Maddie loved him from the moment he came into existence, not knowing what it meant that her parents had created him to save Daniel. But she loved him then, just as she’d loved Daniel, and she would love him until they put her six feet under and everyday beyond then. 

“I love you, little brother,” she whispered. She rested her hand on Buck’s cheek, stroked her thumb over his cheekbone. 

Buck smiled and nuzzled into her palm. “I love you too, Maddie. Thank you for raising me.”

She gave a shaky sigh, nose burning and throat tightening as she came dangerously close to breaking down right then and there. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fucking fair. 

“It’s the best thing I’ve ever had the honor to do.”

***

Chimney was ready to crash in bed the second he got home, but stopped in the doorway. Maddie was sitting on the couch, sobbing silently, and from the looks of it, she’d been there for a while.

Suddenly, Chim was wide awake. He rushed over to her side, letting her collapse against his chest as she sobbed harder, unbidden, loudly. “What? What are you doing here? What happened, Maddie, what is it? Are you okay, are you hurt?”

He immediately went to check her over for injuries, expert hands smoothing over her back and sides before trying to move to her stomach to see if there was anything he hadn’t seen before, but Maddie shook her head and wiped her face. She looked over at the coffee table, and Chim followed her gaze. There, spread out across the available space and part of the floor, was a rather large collection of postcards and pictures. All of them were written by or pictures of Buck.

“Maddie?” He asked again, voice trembling. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Maddie sobbed again. “Buck’s dying.”

A cold feeling swept over Chimney, breaking out a shivering sweat across his skin. Surely not, right? Maybe Maddie didn’t have the whole story, or was exaggerating. “W–what do you mean? He’s dying?”

“He’s Freezing.” She told him, voice stuffy with tears. Chim felt vaguely nauseous. “He’s got a really advanced case. He has maybe a week or two before he–” She sobbed again, and Chim gathered her in his arms, body moving on autopilot, but numb all the same. 

Buck was Freezing. He had to have been dying for months, then. Which meant he’d have been Freezing since before the lawsuit. But Maddie said an advanced case, so–

“How advanced?”

She shrugged. “He said he was diagnosed a few weeks ago. The symptoms started maybe a month back.”

Chim sucked in a breath and bit back the growing urge to vomit. He couldn’t lose another brother, not again, not when he thought he was finally safe. “Can–can we go see him?”

Maddie nodded. “I wanted to go earlier. Sue gave me the shift off, since I was so distracted and unstable. I tried to drive to the hospital, but I couldn’t make it. I just came here. I didn’t want Buck to see me so upset.”

Chimney took a slow, shaky breath. “Okay. I’ll drive us. Come on, I want to see my brother, too.”

They moved slowly, Maddie almost doubled over in pain with the grief rolling through her. Chimney pointedly avoided looking at the pictures and postcards spread out in the living room as they got ready to go; he couldn’t bear to see Buck so young and happy and vibrant, not when he knew that, if someone who was Freezing had been admitted to the hospital, they were in bad shape.

Too soon, way too soon, they were pulling into the parking lot of Cedars Sinai. They were gripping each other’s hands tightly, so much so that Chim couldn’t feel the tips of his fingers. He wondered if Buck could feel his fingers at all. Could he even move them anymore? 

Maddie seemed to have an idea of where they were going, though she hesitated a few times on their way through the halls of the Freeze Unit. Chim wondered if that was because she was trying to remember her way or because she was trying to prolong their walk to Buck. If it was the latter, he further wondered if it was to spare him or herself. 

They stopped in front of a door and Chim noticed with a hollow feeling that Buck’s name was on the file in the holder beside it. The couple stood there for a moment before Maddie took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob.

She stepped in first, and a sad smile graced her face. “Hey, Buck.”

Chim followed her inside, bracing himself. Still, the sight before him felt like a punch to the gut. Buck looked so pale, of what Chimney could see. He was covered in a mountain of blankets, drowning in fabric and still seemingly trembling. His face was gaunt, his lips blue, and eyelids pink. Again, Chimney felt the urge to throw up, but he swallowed it down and pasted on a shaky smile. “Hey there, Buckaroo.”

Buck smiled, a weak thing that was barely a shadow compared to the mega-watt grin that Chimney was so used to seeing on the kid’s face. “Hey Chimney,” he breathed, voice weak. 

Chimney sat in the chair by his head, Maddie having sat in the one beside it. Chim felt simultaneously guilty and grateful that she offered him the moment of closeness with Buck. He was her brother, after all, and she should get as much time with him as she possibly could, but at the same time, there was nothing Chim wanted more at this moment than time alone with the man of whom he came to think as a sibling. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked, cursing his voice for cracking and betraying his jovial front. 

Buck hummed as his eyes slipped closed. He looked so young, yet so old at the same time. “Cold.” 

Chim nodded and took a moment to simply watch Buck. If not for the heart monitor and the oximeter (steady at 94%, a little low but given his condition not as troubling as it could be) Chimney would think, looking at his face, that Buck was dead. Except Buck was shaking with the cold. And he could hear Buck breathing, big, labored heaves which sounded difficult to manage and exhausting. Chim wondered why the doctors hadn’t given him a nose cannula to ease his breathing yet. Buck was obviously having trouble with it.

Suddenly, it was too much. He couldn’t sit there and try to pick out tiny things to prove his friend was still alive, not when his face looked like a corpse. He stood, feeling guilty as Buck’s eyes shot back open. 

“I, uh,” Chim cleared his throat, trying his hardest to keep from crying before he could make his escape. “I haven’t eaten lunch yet, I’m starving. I’m gonna go get something from the cafeteria.” He turned to his girlfriend and asked, “Maddie, you want anything?”

Maddie seemed to understand where he was. Her face was sad, but sympathetic, as she shook her head with a soft, “No, thank you.” 

Chim nodded and pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head then, because he knew he’d regret not doing it eventually, he turned and did the same to Buck, lingering just a moment as if that could prolong his friend’s demise.

Unable to hold back his tears any longer, Chimney slipped from the room and broke down in the hallway. He stuffed a fist in his mouth to muffle it, whole body trembling with grief. His muffled sobs racked his body without mercy. Buck didn’t deserve this. He deserved to grow old and gray with everything he’d ever wanted. He deserved to have a Soulmate who loved him and cared for him. What person would reject Buck? Who could possibly be perfect for him, only to push him away?

He thought about Eddie earlier, the way he seemed to be in pain on occasion for the past few weeks, but dismissed it. Eddie would never reject Buck, not even as angry as he was at the younger man. Eddie loved Buck, everyone knew that. 

So who? Who could ever reject Buck? And why was his case so advanced that he’d die in barely a month’s time from the initial rejection? It didn’t make sense and it wasn’t fucking fair. It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair. 

Chimney went down to the cafeteria, if only to drown his sorrows in the first dessert he saw. He thought of Bobby’s brownies that Buck would probably never taste again. He thought of all of Bobby’s food that Buck would never, ever have again. All the times Bobby and Buck spent in the kitchen together, Bobby’s kind demeanor as he guided Buck on how to make their meals. Eddie had told them about how Buck would practice for them, but also how he’d make enough food to feed a firehouse every time, so they had it for the next few dinners, lunch leftovers, snacks, and sometimes even breakfast depending on what it was. Before the lawsuit, Bobby had mentioned to them that he was going to teach Buck how to make his coq au vin recipe. Buck had always asked the man to teach him, but was never successful. Now, Bobby would never get the chance.

Bobby was going to lose a third kid.

Chim was very nearly taken out at the knees with the thought, though he couldn’t say it wasn’t true. Bobby thought of Buck as a son, everyone except for maybe Buck knew that. That was why everything got so complicated. Bobby had been desperate to protect Buck from any more potential injuries, but didn’t explain that was the reason behind his actions, and everyone got hurt because of it. 

There, staring at the spread of very mediocre hospital food, knowing just a few floors up Buck was dying, Chimney knew he had to do everyone a favor. They’d all regret it for the rest of their lives if he didn’t.

“Chim? Hey, what’s up?”

Chimney sighed at the sound of Bobby’s voice. “Bobby, it’s Buck. You need to get down to Cedars Sinai. He’s… He’s Freezing, Bobby. He’s dying.”

Chapter Text

“Chim’s sad, isn’t he?”

Maddie gave Buck a look. “Of course he’s sad, Buck. You’re dying.”

He sighed. “I didn’t think anyone would be that sad.”

Her face contorted into an expression he knew meant she was holding back tears. “Evan, you’re our family.”

“I was.”

Maddie shook her head, confused, but before she could say anything else, the door opened and Dr. Gomez came in. She seemed relieved at seeing Maddie. “You have visitors!”

Buck nodded sheepishly. “This is my sister, Maddie. Her boyfriend is in the cafeteria getting something to eat.”

Dr. Gomez nodded. “Well, Buck, you’re doing as well as could be expected. Still talking and moving. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but the shivering is good. It means there’s still blood in your extremities and your nerve endings are still working. I can’t say how much longer that will be the case.”

“Isn’t there anything we can do to slow it down?” Maddie asked desperately. 

Dr. Gomez gave her a sad look with a shrug. “It’s hard to say. Any number of things can change it. At this point, it’s still reversible, which I must say is much longer than we’d initially expected. But I can’t say how much longer that will last.”

“What could we do to reverse it?” Maddie asked, a hopeful look taking over her face. Buck didn’t want her to be let down, but he knew there wasn’t much to be done. 

“It’s mostly in the hands of his Soulmate, unfortunately,” Dr. Gomez explained. “Given that Buck’s Soulmate is disconnected—meaning he has another Soulmate—it’s less likely he will come forward. There are no Soul Pains to warn him that his Soulmate’s soul is dying. It’s unlikely his Soulmate will change his mind and pull back his rejection.”

“And if his Soulmate is connected?” Maddie asked hopefully. 

“Then it’s possible we can reverse it. His Soulmate would need to forgive him, undo his rejection. True love’s kiss usually does it, but it obviously doesn’t have to be. It just has to be something the Soul Bond recognizes. And both Buck and his Soulmate will feel it when it happens. But since it is a disconnection, it’s unlikely that will happen. There’s always the chance that his Soulmate will not reject him, but it’s harder for the Bond to recognize and it’s really uncommon, anyway.”

Maddie nodded. “How do we know his Soulmate is disconnected?”

“The fact that he hasn’t felt his Soul Pains yet is one indicator. Plus, since it’s such an advanced case, it’s likely it’s disconnected because the Bond recognizes there’s no reason to hold on and offer a second chance to the other person. But mostly, Buck has told us that his Soulmate already met his own Soulmate.”

“Shannon,” Maddie muttered to herself. Her shoulders dropped, and Buck saw the hope leave her eyes. 

“I’m really sorry, Miss Buckley. And I’m sorry, Buck. But there’s not a lot of hope now. We just want to ensure we can keep Buck comfortable for however much longer it takes.”

There was silence, and Dr. Gomez went along to complete her evaluations. She sighed and shook her head. “You’ve lost another degree of temperature. You’re at 84 degrees now. Luckily you’re still in moderate stages, but it won’t be long until you’re severe.” She looked at Buck and asked, “You’ve gotten your affairs in order with a lawyer?” At his nod, Dr. Gomez sighed in relief. “Good. You don’t have anything more to worry about now. Just stay comfy and let us know if you need anything, okay, Buck?”

He nodded again and the doctor left the room. Maddie shook her head. “I can’t believe Eddie did this to you.”

“It’s not his fault. He didn’t know he’s my Soulmate and he didn’t know he was rejecting me when he did. And he doesn’t know now that I’m Freezing, and even if he does, it’s not like he can just… know it’s him. It isn’t his fault, Mads.”

Maddie didn’t respond, either too upset or just at a loss for what else to say. They stayed like that, silent as he trembled. Maddie had just opened her mouth, to say what, Buck didn’t know, when the door opened again, slower, and Chim popped his head in. His eyes were rimmed red, his face flushed, and he was blinking too quickly. “Hey, you’re still awake.”

Maddie gave Chimney a vacant smile, an expression that scared Buck. “The doctor just came in to give him an evaluation.”

Chimney nodded and came back to his seat, stroking a hand through Buck’s curls as he sat. Buck stretched into the touch, and Chim acquiesced, continuing to pet through Buck’s hair as Maddie gave him a quick rundown of the doctor’s visit. Buck watched Chimney’s face fall before he schooled his expression again and gave Buck a smile just as empty as Maddie’s had been. “Well, looks like you’ll at least be sticking around a little longer.”

“Looks like it,” Buck agreed. He didn’t like the twin looks of thinly veiled grief on their faces, so he closed his eyes. Maddie took Buck’s freezing hands into her warm ones, wrapped her fingers tight around Buck’s and blew a hot breath on his fingers to heat them up a bit. With Maddie rubbing feeling back into Buck’s hands and Chimney gently combing his fingers through Buck’s curls, not to mention all the excitement of the afternoon, Buck fell back into his warmed pillows and fell asleep. 

***

“I called Bobby,” Chimney said softly. He’d stopped actively stroking through Buck’s hair some time ago, a while after Buck drifted off, and was now simply memorizing the feel of Buck’s curls, the look of his face, the shape of his birthmark against his pale skin. How much longer would he have to spend time with his brother? How much longer until Buck was gone?

“What did he say?” Maddie asked, voice just as quiet. 

“Not much,” Chim answered carefully. “I think he’s too much in shock to really put it all together right now. I mean, he’s losing a third kid. He’s done everything he can to keep him safe, and now he’s dying. Again.” He sighed and shifted in his chair so he was more comfortable. “I think he blames himself. Like if he didn’t keep Buck from work, then maybe he wouldn’t have done the thing that made his Soulmate reject him.”

“I can’t say I disagree,” Maddie said, voice almost bitter. “I mean, his Soulmate literally rejected him because of the lawsuit.” She sighed and closed her eyes, then shook her head as if to clear it. “Buck doesn’t blame anybody. Says it’s not anyone’s fault. He said he…” She choked on her words, and Chim reached out with his free hand to rest it on her arm, give her at least a bit of comfort through this difficult time. “Buck said a part of him always figured he’d die like this.”

Chim blanched, but didn’t remove his hands from Maddie’s arm or Buck’s hair. “He really thought that?”

Maddie nodded and wiped the fresh tears from her face. “He was pretty much asleep when he did. He was trying to comfort me, I think. Make me feel like it was okay that this was happening, because it was inevitable.” She scoffed, more tears falling freely. “As if it’s impossible for someone to want him.”

“I want him.” Chimney said resolutely. “I never didn’t want him. Even when he was a pain in the ass. He’s always been… good.”

Maddie didn’t answer, though Chimney didn’t expect her to. Instead, they just sat in silence until Chimney’s phone vibrated with a phone call. “Bobby,” he said to Maddie. She nodded her understanding. Reluctantly, Chim stood. He kissed the top of Maddie’s head, stroked a hand through Buck’s hair one more time before bending and kissing his forehead, then slipped out the door and answered the call. “Hey, Bobby.”

“Chim, where…” Bobby’s voice was wrecked, his breathing rapid in Chimney’s ear. Chim winced at his Captain’s tone; he rarely ever heard him so upset, and never as wrecked as he was now. Coincidentally, it always had to do with Buck. Buck was Bobby’s kryptonite. “Where did you say he was?”

“Cedars. Bobby,” Chimney said slowly, “calm down, okay? He’ll still be here when you get here. He’s in the moderate stages right now, he’s probably still got at least a week before he…”

Neither of them needed him to finish that sentence. They both knew what he’d say. 

Bobby took a shaky breath, sounding strained. “I’m on my way up. Chim, I…”

“I know,” Chimney said, and he did. He understood. “He’s here, Bobby. He’s sleeping right now, but I’m sure he’ll listen to you. He’s Buck; he’ll forgive you.”

“Okay. Yeah, okay, you’re right,” Bobby said, though it sounded like he was mostly talking to himself. Chim could hear the sounds of the elevator buttons and started making his way over to the elevator bank to wait for him. He could hear the doors open on Bobby’s end and just as he turned the corner he saw his frantic Captain jogging from the elevators in Chimney’s direction. Chim ended the call just as Bobby changed course directly for the man, and soon enough Bobby was crashing into him at full speed. They stumbled, but stayed upright. Bobby was holding onto Chim like his life depended on it, like he could undo the horrors just down the hall. If Chimney could, he would. He’d give anything to trade places with the golden-hearted boy in the hospital bed, dying because he was unloved by the person who should be his forever. Chim just wanted to give the kid a second chance. 

“How is he?” Bobby asked as they turned in the direction of Buck’s room. Bobby was speed-walking and Chim struggled to meet his pace, though didn’t dare tell the Captain to slow down. He didn’t think that would go well. 

“He’s okay. Resting, like I said. Maddie’s in with him now. Bobby—“ Chimney reached out and put a hand on Bobby’s shoulder to stop him. Bobby was antsy, anxious to get to Buck, but he let Chim put a pause on his walk. “It’s bad, Bobby. You need to prepare yourself for it, okay? He… he doesn’t look good. And there’s not much they could do to reverse it. The only one with any power to undo it is his Soulmate, and I don’t know who that is. But I do know they have a Soulmate that isn’t him.”

Bobby flinched. They both knew it was rare for that to happen. Technically, that was how he and Athena were. It was impossible to have two Soulmates, and everyone knew his was Marcy. Athena’s was Bobby, but she’d married Michael because she wanted children. Chimney remembered when Bobby explained his past with Marcy. He remembered the raw grief in Bobby’s face whenever he talked about his kids. Chim ached to think that he’d lose another child in the prime of their life. 

“I want to see him, Chim.”

Chimney nodded and let go of his shoulder. “I know. I just don’t want you to get overwhelmed when you go in there.”

“I appreciate that,” Bobby said. His voice sounded false, but Chim knew it was the truth. Bobby was grateful, even if he couldn’t fully vocalize it right now. 

They got to Buck’s door and stepped inside. 

Chapter Text

Bobby gasped at the sight. Buck looked… dead. 

He nearly cried out, would have fallen to his knees if Chimney hadn’t been there to catch him. Chim guided him to the empty chair beside Maddie’s right by Buck’s head. Bobby dropped unceremoniously into the seat, jaw dropped in shock, unable to take his eyes off the boy he loved so much. 

“Oh, Buck,” Bobby whispered. 

This was his fault. It had to be. If what Chimney said was true, and he’d only been rejected recently, then it was likely something to do with the lawsuit. But who? Who would hurt Buck so much? Who would reject Buck for something as trivial as this, in the long run?

Eddie flashed through Bobby’s mind, but he quickly dismissed it. They would’ve known by now. Eddie would have had the Pains which come with a Soulmate’s soul Freezing, their soul dying because it felt untethered, unwanted by its other half. But if they were also right that it was disconnected, then that didn’t mean it couldn’t be Eddie. 

Bobby put it out of his mind. He had Buck right in front of him, and he didn’t know how long he would have that. How much longer until Buck was gone? How much longer until Buck was so cold that he had permanent damage to his body? How much longer until Buck’s soul was gone, taking him with it?

Buck shifted on the bed, making a small noise that reminded him of Robert Jr. as he blinked awake and looked up at Bobby. Buck, with his big, innocent doe eyes, gazed up at Bobby with shock and awe and something almost like relief. 

“Hey, kid,” Bobby whispered. He stroked a hand through Buck’s hair, enjoying how the man leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and humming. “How are you doing?”

Buck shivered. “Cold.”

Bobby nodded sadly. “Yeah, I’ll bet.”

Buck sighed. “Could you—“ He snapped his jaw shut, but Bobby desperately needed him to finish that sentence, he needed him to ask, he needed him to let Bobby do anything he could for the kid. 

“What is it, Buck?” Bobby asked, hoping he didn’t sound too eager but not really caring if he did. “What is it? I’ll do anything, just ask.”

Buck looked up at the Captain, sheepish. In a small voice, he asked, “Could you hold me? I’m so cold.”

Bobby was out of his seat before Buck even finished the question. He gently maneuvered Buck backwards so that there was more room for Bobby to lay to better offer his body heat. He winced when Buck’s skin touched his, but ignored the discomfort as Buck hummed in contentment again. 

“Are you mad at me, Bobby?” Buck asked, sounding all too young for being 27. 

“No, Buck,” he answered, smoothing back his curls from his forehead. “I was never really mad in the first place. I was just so scared to lose you. I went a little crazy with it. And when you filed the suit, I was upset, I felt betrayed, but I understood. I was never mad. You’re one of the most important people in the world to me, Buck. I don’t want to lose you. I just wanted to prevent that. I’m sorry I went about it in the wrong way.”

Buck sighed and nuzzled in closer to Bobby’s chest. “I’m sorry you’re gonna lose me, anyway.”

The words were like a kick to the teeth. Bobby nearly lost his breath, but was able to hold himself together long enough to utter, “It’s not your fault, kid.” 

Buck seemed content to stay there, soaking in Bobby’s warmth and dozing. Eventually, Maddie and Chimney left. Maddie, as Buck’s primary contact, had a lot to do regarding Buck’s apartment and his things. Chimney went with her, and Bobby stayed right where he was. 

One of his favorite things in the world as a father was holding his children. He loved nothing more than feeling their breaths even out as they fell asleep against his chest. Maybe he’d stroke their back or their hair. Maybe he was telling them a story or they were watching a movie together or just cuddling in silence. Bobby hadn’t gotten that in a while, not since the fire. He wished he could’ve gotten that more with Buck before the kid’s days were down to single digits. 

***

Eddie sat down on the couch with a beer, still at ease from having put Christopher to bed. The ache in his chest was dissipating some, though it was not gone. He had a feeling it may not ever go away, not completely. It felt like that type of pain that was constant, something he just would learn to live with. He had a lot of those types of pains. He rubbed at his solar plexus, avoiding the bruises littering his chest. 

He wanted to text Buck. He always wanted to text Buck, but he had more of a reason now. He wanted to reach out to the man and offer him some form of forgiveness. He wanted to hear him out, figure out what happened. He wanted an explanation. 

His pride kept him from texting or calling. His hurt kept him from reaching out. His fear of getting hurt again kept him from forgiving. 

He wanted to forgive Buck. He just wasn’t really sure he knew how. He wasn’t even sure if it was his forgiveness to give. 

***

Buck felt warmer. He wasn’t sure why. He wasn’t sure if it had something to do with Eddie or Bobby or Chim or Maddie, but he felt warmer. Or, well, he didn’t feel quite as cold. He didn’t feel the Freeze all the way down to his core, icing his insides until he was nothing but a Bucksicle. 

Bobby had fallen asleep while holding him. Buck thought about waking him up, but the Captain looked tired and comfortable. But more than that, Buck was so selfish. He wanted this. He wanted the comfort his Captain gave him. He wanted to bask in the feeling of love before it was all gone. Before he was gone. 

He snuggled into Bobby’s chest, surprised when the man chuckled. Bobby’s hand smoothed down his spine, back up, before combing through his messy curls. 

Bobby didn’t say anything, so Buck spoke up. “Don’t you need to get home?”

Bobby paused, his fingers still warm against Buck’s scalp. “Do you want me to go?”

Buck didn’t answer, and Bobby sighed. He shifted, and Buck thought he was leaving, but instead the older man just got more comfortable, in a better position for Buck to cuddle up to him. 

“I already let Athena know I won’t be home,” he said carefully. “I’d like to stay here with you for as long as I can. The nurses already cleared it. Do you want me to leave?”

Finally, Buck shook his head and relaxed against his Captain, relieved. “You really want to stay?”

“I want to spend every last second I can right here,” Bobby assured him. Buck thought he felt a kiss on his head, but he didn’t say anything. “Is it alright if Athena comes tomorrow? She wants to spend some time with you, too.”

Buck bit back an audible sound of surprise. “Athena wants to see me?”

“Oh, Buck, of course she does,” Bobby said. He sounded almost sad, but Buck couldn’t figure out why. Maybe he didn’t want Athena to see him?

“She doesn’t have to,” Buck offered. “If that’s a problem.”

“The only problem is that you think it would be a problem.” Bobby shook his head. “I love you, Buck. So does Athena. We all love you. And I’m sorry we ever made you think we don’t.”

“‘S not your fault.”

“Maybe not,” Bobby agreed reluctantly. “But we could’ve tried harder. We should’ve tried harder.” And now it’s too late, was left unsaid, but heavily implied. 

Buck flipped through his typical pleasantries and platitudes he’d usually say, but none of them felt right in this situation, so he said nothing. The two fell into silence, their breaths syncing as one. There was talk about putting Buck on oxygen soon, if his oxygen saturation got any lower. It was inevitable, really, the way he was progressing. But for now, he focused on his natural breath, lined up with Bobby’s on instinct. He listened to Bobby’s heartbeat, noticing that the heart monitor connected to Buck’s chest eventually fell in line with the one in his ear. 

Bobby kept him warm and safe. Bobby showed him love and forgiveness. Bobby showed him what family looked like. Bobby was family. 

Buck sank happily into sleep, their breaths and hearts still synced as one. One father, one son. 

***

For the first time in weeks, Eddie fell asleep without an ache in his soul.

Chapter Text

“Oh, my baby,” Athena cooed upon entrance. Buck was already awake, blinking up at her as she walked into the room, but Bobby was still sleeping, so she stayed quiet as she sat down and immediately brushed his hair back from where it was hanging in his eyes. The boy needed a haircut, though she wondered if it would make any sense for him to get one. She forced the thought away. “How are you holding up, Buckaroo?”

She phrased her question so she could best pull out an answer for his mental health rather than the physical. She could see his physical health and it was awful; the boy looked like a breathing corpse. Still, Buck shrugged. “I’ve been worse.”

And what a life he’d led, where Athena honestly didn’t completely doubt it. 

She tutted at him and allowed her motherly side to take over. She fussed to her heart’s content while Buck blinked up at her, watching her with big blue eyes as she tucked the sheets around him, not even caring that her husband would probably wake up covered in sweat from head to toe. He probably wouldn’t care about temporary discomfort if it meant Buck was comfortable during his final days. Buck looked cold, and he probably was cold, though he didn’t seem to be trembling. Bobby had informed her that he was already in the high-moderate zone of hypothermia. She had to wonder how much longer he’d even be able to move. 

Bobby woke at some point while she mother henned over her boy, and Athena took the chance to shoo Bobby from the bed. Her purpose was multi-pronged: Bobby seemed tense, like his entire body had a crick from sleeping in that position all night and he most certainly needed a bathroom break and probably a coffee, but more importantly, Athena wanted to hold her baby. 

Buck bit back a whine once Bobby stood, though Athena took his spot so quickly he didn’t really have a chance to feel cold. Bobby watched them for a moment before he pressed a kiss to each of their heads and slipped out of the room. 

“My Buckaroo,” she muttered into the silence. He shuffled closer to her, almost purring. A part of her wanted to laugh, but most of her wanted to cry. “I need you to know how loved you are, Buck. Please, tell me you know that.”

He nodded, his cold nose pressing against her neck. “I think I’m starting to.”

Athena sighed in relief. It wasn’t ideal, but she’d be damned if Buck… left before he knew how much his family loved him.

She talked to him in soothing tones about May’s college choices, and he made multiple comments about how May would be able to get in anywhere she pleased. Athena’s heart warmed every time he said it. A part of her felt guilty for feeling so warm when he felt so cold, but she hoped he’d at least feel some of that heat in his own skin. Anything to keep him from trembling. 

Bobby came in after about an hour, looking marginally better, with what looked like a McDonald’s breakfast. He was really dropping his standards if that was what he was eating. Still, he’d certainly brushed his teeth and showered, if the wet hair and damp T-shirt was any indication. 

The three of them stayed there as Bobby ate and sipped on his coffee. They chatted easily, keeping the conversation light-hearted. Bobby’s gaze kept drifting to the boy on her chest, though Athena didn’t blame him. She never wanted to leave Buck’s side, not knowing that he had so little time left. 

The doctor came in some time later, humming in thought when she took Buck’s temperature. “Eighty-seven, Buck. You were at eighty-four last night. That’s good. It seems the flow of visitors is slowing down your progression.”

Athena and Bobby sighed in relief. Buck nodded. “So, I’ll have a little longer?”

“It seems that way. I can’t promise it’ll plateau, but with the monitoring and the visitors, it might.”

It was rare that someone’s Freeze could plateau. They’d live the rest of their lives, almost in limbo, as they stayed somewhere roughly ten degrees below where their body should be. Athena hated the idea of Buck suffering like that for decades to come, but she couldn’t find it in herself to hope the boy didn’t survive it so he wouldn’t be miserable. She just couldn’t lose him. He’d be cold and depressed for the rest of his life, but he’d be alive. Athena couldn’t decide what she’d want in his position. She couldn’t even figure out what Buck may want. 

The doctor finished her assessment before heading out with a goodbye, and the three left lapsed into silence. Athena could feel Buck’s snuffled breathing against her throat, his nose slowly warmed against her skin. His eyelashes tickled her every time he blinked, slower as each minute passed. 

“You know,” Bobby began softly, long after he finished his meal. “When I met you, Buck, I had so many thoughts I wasn’t even sure what my first impression of you was.”

Athena scoffed. “I remember mine: asshole.”

She could feel Buck’s weak grin spread across his face. “I was an asshole, wasn’t I?”

“Maybe a little,” she agreed thoughtfully. “But I think you maybe were scared of what would happen if you let yourself be vulnerable.”

Bobby hummed. “It took me a week to get a solid read on you; even then, it was so wrong.” He leaned forward and took Buck’s hand, wrapped his cold digits in his own warm ones. “You’re such a good man, Buck. If someone had come to me back then and told me that this bright-eyed kid would weasel his way into my heart and break down every single barrier I’ve put up in the last decade, I’d think they lost their minds. I never wanted to love anyone ever again. I didn’t think I deserved it and I didn’t think I deserved anyone to love me. I still don’t know how you did it, Buck. But you got me to open up again.” He sighed, stroked his thumbs over Buck’s delicate skin. “You’re such a special person, kid.”

Athena blinked back tears at Bobby’s admission. She hid her face in Buck’s curls until the urge to cry subsided. Still, her voice was strained as she said, “I can’t even count on two hands how much I can attribute all back to you for my life, Buck.”

Buck shook his head weakly. “You guys woulda got here.”

“We’d known each other for years, kid,” Bobby pointed out with a smile, the most genuine one Athena had seen on his face since Bobby got the news yesterday. “I never would’ve even thought about putting myself back out there if it wasn’t for you.”

“Sweetheart, I’d have died that same day we met if you weren’t there.” Bobby’s face did a strange thing at her reminder, and Buck’s head lifted before it fell again. He shifted his head until he rested his chin on Athena’s chest. She smiled at him and couldn’t help tracing a finger along his reddened cheek. “I owe you my life, Buckaroo.”

“I owe you guys mine.”

Athena shook her head, but her throat was so tight she couldn’t make out anymore words. They lapsed into silence again, and Athena could feel herself screaming internally. It felt like the day she’d found May, dead. She’d almost lost her child that day. And now she was losing this one. 

Chapter Text

“Hen, there’s… there’s no easy way to tell you this.” Chimney took a deep breath, prepared to once again deliver this news. “Buck is… he’s dying.”

Hen was quiet for a moment, and then, “This isn’t funny, Chim.”

“You’re right, it’s not.” 

“Seriously,” she said. “You can’t do this.”

Chimney nodded to himself. “I wouldn’t if I didn’t know you’d want to say goodbye.”

“What even happened, Chim?” She asked, still not believing him. 

Chimney could hear soft cries from the bedroom and he knew he was out of time. Maddie had been a wreck for days and Chim was dealing with her grief on top of his own. He didn’t know what to do. And now, he had to tell his best friend that the man they considered their little brother was almost gone. 

“He’s Freezing.”

Hen was quiet for a moment, and when she spoke again, her voice was shaky. “Seriously, Chim, this… this isn’t funny.”

“I wish more than anything that it was a joke, Hen,” he told her, words strained. “He’s in bad shape. He’s at Cedars. I think Athena and Bobby are still with him, but you might wanna get down there. The doctors are saying he has a week, maybe two.”

Hen sucked in an audible breath, sounding on the verge of tears. “God, he’s—he’s really dying?”

“Yeah,” he whispered, biting back tears. “Look, Maddie just woke up from her nap, I… I gotta go.”

“Yeah, of course,” Hen said, voice wet. “I’ll, um, come see you guys later? After I see him.”

Chim smiled in spite of himself. “We’d like that. I know Maddie would appreciate it.”

“Yeah, okay. Okay.” She took a deep breath. Bye, Chim.”

They hung up quickly after that, and Chimney took a moment to breathe before he went back into their bedroom. Maddie was sobbing into her pillow, big heaving sobs that Chim had been getting very familiar with over the past week. Wordlessly, he settled in beside her, and she moved to cry into his chest. 

“I’m losing my baby brother,” she cried miserably. 

And what could he possibly say to make this better? The chance that Buck lived through this without his Soulmate’s acceptance was, well, almost none. 

“I wish there was something more I could do, Maddie.”

She didn’t answer him; there was nothing else either of them could say. Instead, they lay there, curled up into each other. As Maddie cried, Chim let himself shed a few tears of his own. He internally cursed Buck’s Soulmate for damning him to this death. If Chimney ever found him, he couldn’t say the other guy would come out of it intact. As it was, Chimney was ready to murder anyone in Los Angeles if it meant Buck stopped Freezing. 

He held Maddie, resolved to stay there until their tears dried. But they kept coming; their grief was endless, even as they wrapped themselves in each other’s miserable comfort. Their brother was dying in a hospital room right now. And the most they could do was hold him. And they weren’t even doing that. 

They had to give everyone else a chance to say goodbye, Chim knew. But he still hated himself for it. He still wanted to go to Buck and not leave his side. He wanted to soak up every last second he could possibly have with the kid. 

It was a special kind of grief, knowing someone was days away from death. Chimney remembered his mother dying, remembered knowing that her days were coming to an end. He remembered trying to have hope, but the resignation deep inside him that she was already gone. And now it was the same with Buck. Chim tried to keep up a brave face, for himself, for the people around him, for the man dying in hospice. But privately, he knew Buck was already gone. The helplessness mixed with grief for a person still there, but barely alive, was a specific hell that Chim had hoped he’d never experience again. He never wanted to have to give up on someone. But he remembered his mother being put on a ventilator, years before Chim really had any medical knowledge, and still understanding that meant she’d probably never wake up. He remembered beginning the grieving process around the time that doctors had brought it up. 

He wondered how long it would take until Buck was put on a ventilator. As of right now, he was on the verge of needing a nasal cannula. Hospice liked to take their time with Freezing people. Once they were put in a coma for the vent, there was no chance of reversal. There was no chance of acceptance from their Soulmate. It basically meant they were giving up on a living person saving their loved one’s life. 

Chim hoped, for everyone’s sake, that he never found out who Buck’s Soulmate was. He couldn’t promise he wouldn’t end up in prison with the asshole Soulmate six feet under. 

***

Eddie had to skip his fight last night. 

He wasn’t sure what happened, but it was like his soul was being ripped in half, which was impossible given that he had no Soulmate and, more than that, he hadn’t rejected them to the point that they’d Freeze. 

It was probably for the best, though, that he had to cancel the fight. He’d gotten out of control, he knew that. He wanted to hurt, and he wanted to make others hurt. It wasn’t okay. And, interestingly enough, cuddling with Christopher last night had made him feel infinitely better than all the fights had combined. 

Still, he couldn’t help but wonder about the ache in his chest, in his soul. He couldn’t be sure what it was, but it felt wrong. It felt bad. 

He resolved to call the doctor soon, on Monday, to create an appointment. Maybe they could tell him what was going on, why he felt achy and weak. Why he felt like his soul was going to explode. 

***

Hen almost didn’t go inside. She didn’t know what she was about to see, and the guilt of pushing Buck away, blaming him, was almost overwhelming. She would’ve expected herself to be there for him during a time like this, and it hurt to know she wasn’t.

Still, Hen stepped inside the room, where May was laying, talking softly to Buck. If Hen was being honest, she was surprised to see her there, taking time out of her weekend to sit with Buck and talk with him. And not only was she there with him, but she was holding him tightly, allowing him to soak up the heat of her body. 

May was less than thrilled to look up and see Hen. Still, she said something about it to Buck before slipping out from underneath him. He whined, probably already missing her warmth, but didn’t say anything as he watched May gather her things. She pressed a long kiss to Buck’s forehead before standing, throwing a harsh glare at Hen, and finally rushing out of the room to give them some time alone. 

Buck was already trembling by the time the door shut behind her. Now, without his face buried in May’s neck, Hen could see that he was not doing well. His face was sunken, eyelids pale and lips tinged purple. It made her sick to her stomach. Hen wasted no time and got into the bed with him. Buck accepted her warmth without words. The bed was warm, too warm to just be from May, and she remembered that beds in the Freeze Ward were heated for their hypothermic patients. 

“How you doin’, Buck?” Hen asked softly. 

Buck hummed and snuggled closer to her. “Cold,” he slurred simply. 

Hen didn’t know what else to say. Who was Buck’s Soulmate? Who rejected him? 

Every part of her wanted to say it was Eddie. But if that was the case, why wouldn’t Buck have called him already, or had someone call for him? Buck had to have known that Eddie loved him. Though, she supposed, Eddie didn’t have any signs of a Freezing Soulmate. No aggression, no chest pains. And there was no way in Hell Buck wouldn’t have immediately called Eddie. She understood that things were strained now, but Buck had to know Eddie would be here, right? He had to know they’d all be here. 

“I love you, Hen,” Buck said suddenly, sounding half asleep. “You’re a good big sister.”

I’m not, she wanted to say. I abandoned you when you needed me most. I’m not good. 

She didn’t say any of those things. She held him closer, pressed a kiss to his head and said, “You’re the best man I’ve ever met, Evan Buckley. I love you so much.”

Hen stayed for a while longer until, surprisingly, Michael stepped into the room. He quietly asked for some time alone with Buck, and Hen reluctantly agreed. She watched as Michael sat in the space she’d vacated, sitting fully upright so Buck could rest his head in Michael’s lap. Michael rested a gentle hand on Buck’s back, running a hand up and down his spine like Hen sometimes saw him do when May or Harry were sick. 

She took the time to look through Buck’s chart. And, well… It wasn't good. Their Buck was dying. And there was nothing they could do to stop it. 

As promised, Hen next made her way to Chimney’s apartment. He let her in after she texted her arrival, before she could knock. The apartment was dark, all the lights turned off and blinds drawn, the only light coming from between the blinds in the windows. Maddie was sitting on the couch, face puffy and blotchy from crying. She wasn’t crying now, though, just staring vacantly at the wall. 

“She’s been like this for a while,” Chim said softly. “There’s nothing I can do to make it better for her.”

Hen nodded. “He’s in bad shape, Chim.”

“I know.”

She sighed and turned to look at her best friend. “Who’s his Soulmate?”

Chimney sighed grimly. “I don’t know.”

***

Eddie cancelled another fight, this time because he wanted to. He wasn’t sure if he would’ve been able to fight anyway, given the everpresent pain in his chest. Still, he cancelled. 

He ordered a pizza, put on Monsters Inc, and snuggled with Chris until the little boy fell asleep. 

Nothing else mattered, he realized as he sat there holding his son. Nothing mattered. Not the fights. Not the grief. Not the mystery pain in his chest. 

Everything would be okay. 

Chapter Text

Eddie slumped into work the following day. He was having trouble taking a deep breath, but he chose to ignore it. He had to let it go. This was one of the only things he had left. 

There was a C-Shift paramedic upstairs, getting herself a cup of coffee, looking refreshed and ready. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked as he got a mug for his coffee, sounding a bit more harsh than he’d meant. 

She turned and gave him a sympathetic smile. “Filling in for Chimney. He’s with Maddie. Captain Reynolds is filling in for Nash.”

Eddie did a double-take and immediately turned to the stove, as if Bobby would magically appear there to make omelets. 

“Diaz, I…” The paramedic cut herself off, biting her lip as she considered her words. “I just wanna share my condolences. I can’t imagine how hard this must be, especially after the last year.”

Eddie blinked at her. “What… are you talking about?”

Her brows furrowed as she looked up at him. “Uh, Buckley?”

Before he could help it, Eddie scoffed. “Yeah. I don’t care.”

The paramedic looked shocked. “Diaz, I thought he was… I thought he was your best friend.”

“Yeah, me too,” he shot back. “Then that stupid lawsuit got in the way.”

“Yeah, but I figured you’d put that aside now.” 

Eddie looked at her, the shock on her face, and considered her words. Both Chim and Bobby were out. Carla had called out for today, hence why he’d dropped off Chris at Pepa’s. “What are you talking about?” He asked carefully, his voice betraying his fear. 

The paramedic’s face went through a complicated range of emotions before landing on pure shock. “You don’t… You don’t know?”

“Don’t know what?” He shot back, anxiety making his voice tremble. 

The woman sucked in a breath, eyes sympathetic, face pained. “Diaz, he… Buckley is dying.”

There was the sound of glass shattering, though Eddie barely registered his mug now broken at his feet. “Buck is… what ?”

“I’m so sorry, Eddie,” she said softly. “I didn’t know you weren’t aware.”

“No!” Eddie shook his head emphatically as he stumbled backwards, the pain in his chest making itself too obvious as he tried desperately to suck in a breath but was stopped before he could get any air. “No, you’re wrong, he’s—he’s fine! Buck is fine.”

Captain Reynolds was in front of him now, face sympathetic. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this, Firefighter Diaz,” the captain said gently. “I’ll call in a replacement for you, if you’d like to go see him.”

Eddie barely registered the captain’s words. “Buck isn’t… He’s fine, he’s fine !” 

Distantly, he was aware that his breathing was too shallow, too fast. He wanted to slow it down, but he couldn’t. It hurt, everything hurt, and Buck was dying. 

Hen appeared in front of him, talking and breathing and crying. Eddie realized he was crying. When did he end up on the floor? There were pieces of his shattered mug digging into his palms, drawing blood. It was Buck’s favorite mug, he realized somewhere in the back of his mind. He’d shattered Buck’s favorite mug. 

Eddie turned to the side and retched. 

***

It took well over an hour for Hen to get Eddie to calm down. By this time, his shift replacement had come in to relieve him. His and the captain's replacements helped him down the stairs into Hen’s car. She buckled him in, since his own hands were bloodied and bandaged and shaking in his lap.

The ride to the hospital was a blur. He knew Hen tried to get his attention a few times, but was unsuccessful as he sat in her passenger seat, willing the car to go faster. 

Hen led him through the hospital to the Freeze Unit. Once he realized where they were, Hen had to take him on a quick detour to throw up again. 

How could he have missed it? Why did he dismiss the signs for so long? The growing anger, the desire to hurt and be hurt, the pain in his chest, his soul. He did this to Buck. He killed him. 

It took a while for Eddie to gather his bearings as Hen comforted him as he hung over the toilet. She brought him a cup of water to wash his mouth out, then a bottle of Gatorade to replenish his electrolytes. 

It was maybe another half hour before he could stand. Hen led him out of the restroom and to the doors of the Freeze Unit. He fought against every instinct telling him to run the other direction, and the two went inside. 

This ward had a different feel than the rest of the hospital. The walls were a soft yellow, like the pediatric ward. It was warmer here, probably because the patients were literally freezing themselves from the inside out. The thought made Eddie dizzy, but he fought through the wave of nausea. Hen took him to the door of Buck’s room and opened it, letting him inside. 

Maddie was sitting at Buck’s bedside while he slept. She was holding his hands and he was curled up on his side, facing her, breathing with the help of a nasal cannula. He looked awful. He looked dead. 

Eddie bit back a sob. Buck looked dead. 

Maddie looked up at them, and, without a word, she stood and allowed Eddie her place at Buck’s bedside. He immediately took the vacated seat and took Buck’s freezing hands. 

Hen and Maddie were still at the door, so Eddie took the chance to ask, with a raspy voice from hyperventilating and sobbing and vomiting, “It’s me, isn’t it? I’m his Soulmate. It’s my fault he’s Freezing.”

“It’s not your fault you didn’t know,” Maddie said. “He didn’t want you to blame yourself. It’s not your fault it’s a disconnection.”

“It’s not.” He ignored the way Maddie gasped and shifted her weight. “I didn’t know. But I’ve been in so much pain. I was gonna call my doctor Monday to make an appointment about the chest pains.” He gave a bitter laugh and looked at the women in the doorway. “Guess that saves me the trip, huh?”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Hen asked. 

Eddie shrugged. “I didn’t know what it was. And I didn’t know why.” He looked at Buck, stress lines creased into his forehead even in sleep. “I get it now.”

Chapter Text

Eddie lost track of how much time had passed as he sat there, crying silently at Buck’s bedside. He was gripping the man’s hands like a lifeline, begging any God out there to spare him, take Eddie instead, forgive him just enough to allow Buck a future, even if it’s to sacrifice Eddie’s. Eddie didn’t deserve it. He lashed out at those he loved and hurt people to find relief and almost killed his Soulmate. He didn’t deserve peace. He didn’t deserve to live. 

“Why y’cryin’?” 

Eddie’s head shot up and he looked into Buck’s sleepy face. The man looked concerned, even if he wasn’t entirely present. 

“I almost lost half my world,” Eddie said through his tears. “And it’s my fault.”

Buck’s face contorted, almost scared. “Chris’pher okay?”

Eddie huffed a laugh, even if what he really wanted to do was scream. “Christopher is fine, Buck. But you—you’re dying.” 

Buck relaxed and shook his head. “‘T’ll be okay.”

Eddie shook his head emphatically. “No! No, it fucking won’t! Buck, you—you’re—“ Eddie carded a hand through his hair, tugging at the strands hard enough to hurt. “I need you with me, Evan.”

Buck furrowed his brows, already falling back asleep. “Eddie… you’ll be okay,” he breathed, and then he was asleep. 

Eddie couldn’t help it anymore. He burst into tears, muffled his sobs in his hand. After a moment, he got up and left the room, cried in the hallway. His soul felt broken, irreparable. 

He’s okay, he kept reminding himself. He’s alive. He’s right in there. There’s still time. 

It felt like a lie. It felt like they were too far gone. It felt like Buck was going to die no matter what they did. 

Still, Eddie refused to believe it. There had to be another end. This couldn’t be it. He couldn’t kill Buck because he didn’t know how to grieve. This couldn’t be the end. 

***

Buck woke to an empty room for the first time in days. He’d had a dream about Eddie. He was crying. He called Buck half of his world. Buck knew it couldn’t be true, it could be real, but it was nice to think. It was nice to pretend. 

He sank back into the warmth of the mattress, trembling still. He always felt warmer when someone was holding him, their body heat seeping into his skin. But no one was here. 

Part of him wondered why. He’d thought that’d be how he’d go out, but it didn’t make sense that he was alone now, not when Maddie had so carefully made sure he’d never be. Maybe she made a mistake. Or maybe she just got tired of trying to comfort her dying brother. He’d be dead before long. What was the point in comforting him beyond their own conscience. Everyone who wanted to say goodbye already had. It was time that Buck died alone in his hospital room, Freezing over from loneliness and rejection. 

He was just settling in to go back to sleep when the door eased open and a silhouette slipped inside. 

Eddie. 

He looked… well, not good. His face was puffy and red, cheeks shining wet, the whites of his eyes clearly pink. He was sniffling as he shuffled into the room, eyes downcast as he sat at Buck’s bedside like he was too ashamed to look at him. His voice was stuffy and breaking as he said softly, “God, what have I done to you?”

It took too long for Buck to realize that Eddie had spoken to him, and he answered in a raspy voice, “Not your fault.”

Eddie’s head shot up, and the grief and guilt in his gaze as their eyes met twisted Buck’s stomach. “It is my fault. I didn’t realize what I did to you. But I did. It’s my fault.”

“Eddie, it’s not your fault we’re disconnected.”

“We’re not.”

Buck furrowed his brows as he raked his gaze over the man’s face. “What are you talking about, Eddie? Of course we are. I’m not your Soulmate.”

“You are my Soulmate,” Eddie whispered back. His eyes welled with tears and he sniffed again, a stuffy sound. “You’re my everything.”

“But…” Buck shook his head. “I thought Shannon was your Soulmate.”

Eddie was taken aback. “Shannon? No, she… she wasn’t my Soulmate, Buck. I knew she wasn’t. I didn’t realize you are until… it was too late.”

Buck looked at Eddie, studied him like his face could make it make sense. “Eddie, you… I’m your Soulmate?”

Eddie nodded emphatically. Voice stronger than it’d been the whole time he was here, he said, “You’re my everything.”

“Half your world,” Buck whispered back, remembering. “It wasn’t a dream. You said that to me.”

Eddie nodded again, almost shy. “I did. You and Chris. That’s my world. That’s my future.” He sniffed against a new wave of tears, and Buck watched, rapt, as they fell down his cheeks anyway. Eddie didn’t wipe them away. He looked at Buck with a sincerity he wasn’t sure he’d seen from anyone except Maddie. “I didn’t mean to reject you, Buck. I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing. I didn’t mean it. I swear to you, I didn’t.”

“I think I get it now,” Buck said tentatively. “I get it.”

Eddie closed his eyes and sighed in relief. “I want you, Buck. You and Chris. More than anything.”

“That’s what I want, too,” Buck answered. The corners of his mouth ticked up into a little smile. “A future.”

“Our future,” Eddie whispered. “You’re our future.”

It was a strange sensation at first. He hadn’t felt properly warm in weeks, much less internally. But a gentle heat began in his core, in his soul. It unfurled like a blooming flower, tendrils of heat stretching out through his body, curling under his ribs, slipping between his bones. It felt like his blood rushed through him in two strong beats of his heart as his very soul brightened, revived. For the first time in days he could feel his fingers and toes. A pleasant heat surrounded his skin, filling his pores with a sweet warmth he’d almost forgotten. It almost felt like his very soul was glowing. 

Eddie laughed, pure relief. His smile was big and wet, and Buck met his gaze with a matching grin. Eddie was sobbing again, tears coming quick as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Buck’s, a happy, celebratory kiss worth all the warmth in the world. They sobbed into each other’s mouths, relieved and happy and giddy. 

“You’re warming up,” Eddie whispered between kisses. “You’re gonna be okay.” His words were fevered, his movements just the same as he worshiped any stretch of skin he could reach, trailing excited kisses all over Buck’s face and neck, making him laugh. 

The warmth was beginning to settle then, and the chill was settling back in. It would take time before Buck was normal again, they knew that. But it would happen. It would come. 

Buck let out a shaky breath, fingers fisting the fabric of Eddie’s shirt. “I’m cold,” he whispered. Eddie pressed a quick, gentle kiss to Buck’s forehead. Then, without any more warning, he climbed into the bed with Buck, shifting them around gracelessly until Buck was laughing again. They got comfortable in each other’s arms, and they settled in together with twin sighs. 

“I’ll keep you warm,” Eddie said softly. Buck closed his eyes and hummed. “I’ll keep you warm as long as you need me.”

“I know you will,” Buck answered. And he did. He knew Eddie. He knew their love was eternal, written in their very souls. 

Chapter Text

Buck didn’t think he’d leave this room alive. He had been certain the last of his life would extend only to these four warm yellow walls. The nurses were detaching wires and machines from his body, but he wasn’t a corpse. His own hands were dressing himself, trembling still as they were. He was strong enough to pull on his own sweats as he leaned on Bobby. 

Bobby was the one who tied the strings of his sweatpants, both of them seeing how quickly he’d lost muscle mass while he’d Frozen. Bobby also helped him into his sweatshirt, one from Bobby’s own closet, pulling at his long sleeves so they wouldn’t bunch up under the jacket sleeves. Buck let himself fall back to the bed and Bobby bent down, slipped warm fuzzy socks (newly gifted from May) onto his feet, followed by his sneakers. Buck almost teared up; he didn’t think he’d ever wear shoes again.

Dr. Gomez signed off his discharge forms with a smile. “Mr. Buckley,” she said, “I am happy to tell you that you are free to go home.”

Eddie had just come back into the room, and Buck had the privilege to watch the man’s face light up with a brilliant smile. And then he turned that smile on Buck; it softened as he said, “Yeah. Let’s get you home.”

A nurse brought in a wheelchair, and Buck would have argued about it if he didn’t know he wouldn’t have been able to walk on his own all the way to the car. Luckily, Eddie was the one to push him through the halls, Bobby chatting with the nurse as they made their way to the elevator bank. The nurse wished them luck, shot a wink at Buck as the doors closed, and then they were leaving that wretched floor. 

Outside, it was much chillier than Buck had expected and he shivered as a gust of wind picked up, feeling like it blew right through him. Eddie and Bobby were quick to his sides as Maddie pulled the car up to the curb. Before she’d even stopped the car, Bobby was reaching for the car door, and the two men heaved Buck into the back seat. Eddie jumped in with him and held him tight, rubbing his arms to warm him up. Maddie shot them a smile, her eyes running over them approvingly. She looked better than she did last week; she looked less tired. 

Bobby was back from returning the wheelchair and jumped into the car. Maddie put the car into drive and started their journey home. 

Because Buck was alive. He was thawing. He was living. 

Eddie was pressing kisses to his head, rubbing warmth into his fingers, his ears, his nose. Bobby was fiddling with the radio until he landed on Springsteen, hummed along to the tune. Maddie’s smiling eyes caught Buck’s in the rearview mirror, and they held his for a moment long enough to warm him again. 

His body was barely 92°, but they knew he was out of the woods. All he needed now were some cuddles and love. And no one had any doubts that he would have exactly that. 

After all, it was only late December, and the new year was just on the horizon.