Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Remember, if Sherlock doesn’t jump, you kill Watson.”

“I know, I know the plan by heart, boss. Just calm down, you know I never make mistakes.”

“I know, Seb. But this has to go exactly to plan.”

“And if Sherlock thinks of something to throw your plan off course?”

Jim stroked the sniper’s cheek in a soft caress before turning on his heel sharply, pausing to reply.

“He won’t. I’m always one step ahead.”

~

Sherlock steps to the rooftop edge of St. Bart’s. For a second Sebastian thinks he may have to start packing up his rifle because Sherlock is actually going to jump. Watson is nowhere in sight anyway. But then the detective steps back and he assumes Sherlock is going to tell Jim some silly theory he just thought up.

“These fucking games,” Sebastian thought, sighing as he peered through the lens to train on the street, looking for Watson. “Ever since Jim heard about Sherlock his life became consumed with a passion for breaking Sherlock down to nothing. He’s been a nightmare. Can’t Sherlock just bloody die already and Jim can come back home and be bored again?”

A single shot boomed and Sebastian’s heart began to pound erratically. Jim wouldn’t shoot Sherlock outright like that. He specifically had to jump. So what was the sound of a gun being shot through the air for? He eagerly kept his eyes trained on the rooftop. A figure appears at the rooftop edge, and it’s Sherlock. He trains his lens on the street and sees Watson jump out of a taxi, mobile to his ear. Sebastian looks back up at Sherlock, who is also on his mobile; no doubt telling Watson not to move.

It looks like he’s going to jump.

Will he do it?

He’s jumped. He’s actually done it.

Where’s Jim?

Sebastian quickly packed away his rifle, blood racing through his veins as he waited for any sign that Jim was okay. He sent a text.

“I heard a gunshot. I saw him jump. Did something unexpected happen, boss? –SM”

No word from Jim as he reached the bottom of the staircase. He sent another, worry now taking over his mind.

“Boss, Jim, answer me. –SM”

Sebastian broke into a sprint, crossing the street to St. Bart’s, barely noticing Sherlock dead and bloodied on the ground with Watson breaking down over him. Still no text from Jim. He raced up the stairs to the roof without a clue of the heartbreaking scene he was about to walk in to.

Jim lying on the ground, gun in his hand, a puddle of blood surrounding his head.

Sebastian ran to Jim, cradling Jim’s head in his lap as he tried to keep it together. Hospital. He must get Jim to a hospital. As he pulled his hand out from under Jim’s hand he noticed how bloody he is. He wiped the hand on his trousers and picked Jim up in his arms. A broken man.

Thoughts started to come together and he realized they’re standing on the roof of a hospital after all. Sebastian carried Jim down to the emergency room; he has no choice because saving Jim is of the utmost priority. Nurses rushed to Sebastian with a wheeled bed and load Jim on there. He's forced to stay behind and fill out paper work. He put down Jim’s name as Richard Brook, one of many false identities Jim had created what seemed like a life time ago. Most importantly he put down place of address as his old flat, the one he rarely used once he had moved in with Jim, and left the rest of the form empty.

~

It wasn’t until a few hours later that a doctor came out approaching Sebastian.

“Are you here for Mr. Brook?” the doctor said.

“Yes, is he alive?” Sebastian asked urgently.

“We’ve moved Mr. Brook to the ICU,” the doctor replied, motioning to the double doors Sebastian was forbidden to cross. “He’s in a very fragile and critical condition. He is alive but barely. It was only a blank he fired into his mouth and not a bullet. He lost a lot of blood and is currently in a medically induced coma. With a wound as serious as his, well, he shouldn’t have lived. I can’t quite diagnose the damage that’s been left until he wakes up. Until then it wouldn’t be a surprise if he wakes up with severe memory loss.”

“When can I see him?” Sebastian asked, trying to keep calm. He’s alive. That’s all that matters right now.

“Are you a family member?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Then I’m sorry, but we can’t allow you to see him. Is there any family we can call for him?”

“He’s only got me.”

Sebastian shook his head and walked away, shaking with anger. He’s the one who found Jim all bloodied on the rooftop. He’s the one to always take care of him. And he can’t even see his boss; the man who meant more to him than he’d ever admit.

He took out his mobile from his pocket and dialed the number of one of Jim’s employees who specialized in forging paperwork.

“Hayes,” Sebastian barked into the phone, trying to keep his emotions under control.

“Moran?” Hayes called into the phone. “The Boss need anything?”

“He needs you to create some papers for him,” Sebastian said, colonel mode taking over. “A client needs the proper identification to allow him to make a hospital visit. I don’t care what name you use but the last name needs to be Brook. Meet me outside St. Bart’s in tomorrow morning at eight or else you’re fired.”

Sebastian walked outside of the hospital and took out a cigarette. His hands were shaking as he lit up and he took in a deep pull of the cigarette. He went back to their flat and spent the night drinking, trying to convince himself Jim would come out okay.

Shit. Why did Jim shove a gun in his mouth? Sebastian knew Jim was usually bored easily but was it really that bad? Was he not good enough of a reason for Jim to stay alive? He paced the sidewalk, all the way until he reached the pavement where Sherlock was lying dead a few hours ago. The ground was stained red and Sebastian could only imagine what Watson was feeling.

That damn Sherlock. He was the reason Jim was dead. Jim was always going on about how Sherlock was the best game he’s ever played. Now that Sherlock’s game has ended nothing else could be just as entertaining. That didn’t mean Jim’s life had to end.

Hayes arrived at the hospital a minute before eight. Sebastian had been there since seven, he couldn't sleep knowing his life might be changed. No questions asked. Papers handed over and Sebastian was on his way back inside with the identity as Richard Brook’s brother, Ned Brook. He went up to the front desk to inquire over visiting Jim. The nurse asked if he was a relative, he showed the i.d. and was led to Jim’s room. The nurse warned him that he wouldn’t be able to talk to Richard, as that was the name given, as he would be asleep.

The blinds were closed and the door slid open. The nurse didn’t follow him in and Sebastian was grateful for that. He took in a sharp breath at the sight of Jim. His head was bandaged and various needles were stuck in his hand and arm. Sebastian took a seat next to Jim and took hold of his hand. Jim would have had him punished for doing this in public but Sebastian could care less, Jim was asleep after all.

For three weeks Sebastian spent his entire available time sitting next to Jim. He still had to take over Jim’s empire and make sure nothing fell apart. It was tough making sure none of the employees found out what happened to Jim. At night when he was kicked out of the ICU, he slept with Jim’s pillow against his chest in their shared flat. It was killing Sebastian that Jim wouldn’t wake up. Every day he spent by Jim’s side, he recounted his day and the things he had to do to keep the empire running smoothly.

It was twenty-four days after the accident -Sebastian refused to call it a suicide attempt until he got the story from Jim- that Jim’s eyelids fluttered open. Sebastian called for a nurse and one came in to check his vital signs. Sebastian leaned in close, grabbing Jim’s hand. Jim opened his mouth to speak. It took a few moments before proper words came out and Sebastian’s heart was racing.

Jim looked straight into Sebastian’s eyes and said, “Who are you?”

Chapter Text

Jim repeated the question, “Who are you?”

It was in that moment Sebastian’s heart broke. He dropped Jim’s hand, mind racing as he tried to collect his thoughts.

“I’m… I’m,” Sebastian mumbled, glancing at the nurse checking Jim’s vitals. He couldn’t openly mention his identity in this room.

Jim ignored Sebastian and asked the next most important question. “Who am I?”

“You’re J-,” Sebastian began to say, then closed his mouth, took a deep breath and fixed his error. “You’re Richard Brook. I take care of you.”

Jim looked at him curiously with an innocent expression. It was… disturbing to see such an expression on Jim’s face. Innocence was something he lost long, long ago. Sebastian missed the hardness of Jim’s masked face, how those dark brown eyes could send fear down a man’s spine.

“Mr. Brook,” the nurse said, directing her attention to Sebastian, “we’ll have to keep your brother here over night for observation. The doctors still need to examine him tomorrow, see if his head has healed properly. If he checks out all right, we’ll call you and you can take him home.”

She lightly pressed Sebastian out of the private room he had paid for once Jim no longer needed to be in the ICU, as visitor hours were closing to an end. Sebastian wasn’t sure he wanted to stay anyway. That was not Moriarty in there, not the criminal mastermind of London, neither his Jim.

Sebastian walked back to his shared flat, this time looking about it with new eyes. Jim won’t even remember this is his flat. He won’t remember the things we’ve done in bed or the time he almost burned the kitchen down cooking or the time he threw a glass at me because he was working on something important and I interrupted him. He won’t remember.

Sebastian sighed and sat down on the expensive white leather couch Jim had bought years ago. He sat with his head in his hands and tried to control the tears fighting to spill from his eyes. He never wept, never. It was a sign of weakness. He hadn't wept when he came back to the flat after putting Jim in the hospital. That he could handle, because at least Jim had a chance to survive. But Jim not knowing who he was? Not knowing who Sebastian was? That, Sebastian could not take. He thought about it all night and came to the conclusion that he would have to kill him. Jim Moriarty was dead and Richard Brook could never be the man Moriarty was. That's what Jim would want, he'd hate to be left so vulnerable. Sebastian couldn’t sleep that night.

Sebastian avoided the hospital for as long as he could, not eager to take the man home. He got a call in the evening that Richard was allowed to leave. The doctor who discharged Richard warned him that Richard had a fifteen percent chance at recovering his memory. This was all Sebastian needed to hear to know the decision to kill him was right. Jim was never coming back.

Richard was silent the whole way back to the flat. Even though Sebastian knew Richard wouldn't remember it, he was still disappointed when Richard gasped as they entered.

“I live here?” Richard asked, unbelievingly. He looked about the place with awe, his mouth slightly agape as he walked around the living room, his hand lightly touching the pieces of furniture.

“Yes,” Sebastian replied, standing with his arms crossed as he observed Richard rediscovering their home. “You’ve been living here for years. Would you like some tea?”

“Oh yes please,” Richard said, nodding his head. He looked at Sebastian with wide innocent eyes and took a seat on the couch.

Sebastian walked into the kitchen and opened a drawer that held his gun. Quick and clean so he can start forgetting about his former boss and the life they had shared. He picked it up and walked to the couch with the gun hidden behind his back.

“Excuse me, Mr. Brook?” Richard asked, turning around to face Sebastian.

Sebastian closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “My name is not Brook. It’s Sebastian Moran.”

“Oh,” Richard said, he screwed up his face in concentration as if trying to recollect a memory. “Why did the nurse keep calling you Mr. Brook then? Aren’t we related?”

“No, we’re not,” Sebastian snapped, his patience wearing thin.

“Who are you then?” Richard asked, folding his arms on the top of the couch. “You’re the only person to have visited me, so the nurses have said. You must be important to me. Are you my best friend?”

“No,” Sebastian said, and Richard’s face fell full of sorrow. It was strange to see such emotion cross Richard's face when Jim would have never felt it. A part of Sebastian just couldn’t allow himself to raise the gun and pull the trigger on the man he once had feelings for. He couldn’t kill him. He sighed as Richard turned back around and brought his knees to his chest, burying his head in his arms. Sebastian put the gun back in the drawer and prepared tea for the two of them.

Once the tea was ready he brought them over to the living room and placed Richard’s on a coaster in front of him. Sebastian sat on the couch opposite, afraid to get too close to Richard.

“Why did you lie about your name?” Richard asked, blowing on his tea to cool it down. He looked at Sebastian curiously, though he didn’t know the stare made the sniper uncomfortable.

“The doctors…,” Sebastian started, trying to figure out how much he could tell Richard. “They wouldn’t let me see you because I’m not related to you. I had to lie.”

“Why did you come to see me?” Richard tilted his head to the side and the childlike expression on his face hurt Sebastian to see how broken his boss had become.

“You’re my boss,” Sebastian said. He lifted up his heavy mug and took a sip, not returning Richard’s look.

Richard straightened up at this piece of news. “Boss? What do I do for a living?”

It was an innocent question but one Sebastian knew he could not answer. He racked his brain for something to say, not sure whether to make something up or tell a half-truth.

“Well, you’re pretty important,” Sebastian said slowly. “Your accident has… complicated some things but I’ve been acting as your right hand man for a long time. So I know what needs to be done. You don’t have to worry about work.”

“Am I in the government?” Jim asked, and the way his face lit up made Sebastian want to laugh.

“No, definitely not,” Sebastian said, shaking his head quickly. “It doesn’t matter what you do now.”

Richard eyes were beginning to droop, the painkillers he was on was taking its toll. Sebastian put their mugs in the sink and asked Richard if he was ready for bed. Richard nodded, yawning as he looked around for the bedroom.

“This is… your room,” Sebastian said hesitantly, leading Richard into their shared room. “I’ll be sleeping on the couch in the living room, if you need me.”

“Where’s your bed?” Richard asked innocently. Poor chap really had no idea what he used to be like.

“I don’t have one,” Sebastian said, shaking his head. He lied, “I sleep in my own home at night.” He showed him to the bathroom and explained which toothbrush and towels were his. He didn’t bother to say goodnight.

~

All night Richard whimpered and cried out in his sleep. Sebastian covered his ears to ignore it, trying not think of what dreams could be haunting Richard’s mind. What if they were memories of what he used to be? Or even, what if he was reliving the moment he shot himself? Either way, Sebastian didn’t get up to comfort the man.

Chapter Text

Sebastian woke up the next morning with a stiff neck. He didn’t have to check his watch to know what time it was. It was probably 5:30 a.m. His body was long used to waking up at the early hours of the morning from not only the military but keeping up with Jim’s work. He yawned and sat up on the couch, stretching his arms above his head before getting up to start his day.

It took a few minutes before his eyes adjusted to the dark flat. Soon he could see every sharp corner to avoid bumping into and silently made his way to his room. Richard’s room now, he corrected. He would have to do something about taking his clothes out of the dresser. He stood in the doorway and his eyes found Richard dead asleep in the middle of the bed, curled up and the sheets kicked to the bottom. Richard had stopped whimpering two hours ago. Maybe because he stopped breathing? Sebastian didn’t keep his hopes up once he saw Richard turn on his back, observing the slow rise and fall of his chest with every breath he took.

Carefully he walked over to the mahogany dresser opposite the bedroom door and pulled a drawer open. He glanced at the bed, Richard was still sleeping. He pulled out black jeans and a navy blue polo out of another drawer. Richard wouldn’t notice the added clothes to the hamper once Sebastian changed. He changed in the bathroom and silently walked out of the room. With Richard still asleep, Sebastian could go into the office and start working on chores to keep the empire running. He had to make sure everything was in order, especially now that Jim wasn’t here to do the work himself.

No new clients lately, Sebastian had made sure to start tying loose ends by directing new clients to scumbag competition that made a messy job of things. Doing that meant cutting fresh sources of money supply but Sebastian had no idea how long the empire was going to run. Best thing to do would be to start shutting things down. Jim had paid him enough that he could relocate and live comfortably without a job for a long time. Each hit he had made for Jim made his bank account grow several digits larger. And he’d done a lot of hits.

Next thing to do would be letting go of employees. Now this would be the tricky part. No one just gets ‘fired’ by Jim. Any and all employees knew that their resignation, retirement, whatever they chose to call it, ended with a quick bullet between the eyes. Jim had a lot of employees. He wasn’t sure if he felt like killing them all. It would be a chore. Sebastian was not Jim though, so maybe he would let the employees of lesser value live their life free.

A knock on the office door almost made Sebastian jump in his seat. He turned the rotating office chair around to face Richard at the door. He had dressed himself in some of Jim’s old clothes. Not any suits, but the clothes Jim would wear when trying to disguise himself in public. He was wearing brown suede pants and a pastel green v-neck. He didn’t look like Jim at all.

“Are you busy?” Richard asked tentatively, leaning against the door frame with his arms hanging at his side. He definitely did not have Jim’s authoritative posture.

“Yes,” Sebastian answered briskly. “Is there something you need?”

“Oh well,” Richard said, he straightened up and shifted his weight from one foot to the other, “I’m sorry to bother you but I was wondering if we could get some food… There’s not much in the kitchen and I don’t know where to go for shopping.”

It was true that the kitchen barely had food in it. Ever since Jim landed himself in the hospital, Sebastian had lost his appetite for food and any interest in cooking. He probably looked as thin as Jim used to be. He eyed Richard, who looked like a skeleton. Flesh tight against his skin so that every bone was prominent. Of course the hospital hadn't fed him well with their disgusting meals. He looked tired with his waxy skin, not the normal pale skin Jim used to have. His hair was short like Sebastian used to have in the military. Richard’s hair was still growing back from when the nurses shaved it after the accident.

“Let me grab my wallet,” Sebastian said, standing up from his seat. He passed into the living room and grabbed his wallet, keys, and mobile from the coffee table. It was half past eight, hopefully the shops would be open. He turned to Richard, standing awkwardly behind the couch. He looked out of place. “Want to stay here and watch the telly while I’m gone?”

“Um, okay,” Richard answered. He sank down on the couch Sebastian had slept on, almost disappearing in the leather because he was so thin, as if the couch was going to swallow him up.

Relief washed through Sebastian. He didn’t want Richard coming with him anyway. He showed Richard how to work the telly and remote and told him he’d back within thirty minutes. He didn’t know what to make of keeping Richard alive. All he knew was he couldn’t quite bring himself to end his life. It was his sadistic way of torturing himself; Jim was dead but Richard was a walking, albeit opposite, copy of Jim. How could he just end the life of someone he had cared about?

After a quick shop around at the supermarket, Sebastian returned with enough food for a week. Most of it was microwavable food for Richard, once Sebastian would show him how it works. Maybe if he taught Richard how to live his own life, Sebastian could leave and put Richard in the past. Sebastian arrived back at the flat to find Richard asleep on the couch, the telly turned off. At the sound of Sebastian’s footsteps, his eyes opened wide.

“Good, you’re back,” Richard said, sitting up properly on the couch. For a second he sounded like Jim when he was bored and waiting for Sebastian to entertain him. “The telly was so boring. Why do people watch it?”

“Because they’re boring too,” Sebastian replied, carrying the shopping to the kitchen. He started packing the food away in the proper cabinets and fridge. Richard came up to try and help.

“Was I boring? Before the accident?” Richard asked.

Sebastian laughed and shook his head, “God no. You weren’t boring.”

For a moment he felt relaxed, forgetting it was Richard with him and not Jim. At this realization he closed his mouth and silently scolded himself. This isn’t Jim. Richard seemed to pick up at Sebastian’s silence and removed himself from the kitchen to sit at the lunch table. He folded his hands and watched Sebastian prepare lunch, not realizing how uncomfortable he was making him.

“Sebastian?” Richard asked hesitantly.

Sebastian sighed and replied in annoyance, “What?”

“Could you tell me a bit of what I was like before the accident? No one’s told me what even happened to me during the accident. All I know is that I woke up in the hospital and the nurse said I had hurt myself.”

“You did hurt yourself.”

Richard waited for Sebastian to say more but he never got a response.

“Sebastian?”

Sebastian brought two sandwiches over to the lunch table and laid a plate down in front of Richard. Taking a seat farther from Richard, Sebastian ignored the other man and began to eat his sandwich. Richard wasn’t quite in the mood for eating yet.

“Sebastian, are those your clothes in the dresser? I opened one of the drawers and the clothes can’t be mine. They were too big.”

Silence.

“Did we share the bedroom?”

More Silence.

“Why do you take care of me? Can I not take care of myself?”

“Richard can you just SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EAT YOUR SANDWICH,” Sebastian screamed, surprising Richard and causing tears to well up his eyes.

They sat awkwardly, Sebastian not knowing what to say after his outburst and Richard looking like he was about to weep. Jesus, Jim would have never cried and Sebastian had managed to break him down like a weakling.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” Richard croaked, head down and hands ruffling through his hair. “I only just wanted to try and remember who I am.”

Sebastian stood up, shoving his chair back as he walked briskly to the office. He slammed the door and sank down the floor with his back against the wall. Head in his hands, he fought back tearing up at the scene he had caused.

Chapter Text

Sebastian didn’t come out of the office until dinner time. After getting himself back together he had went back to work until his stomach grumbled for food. When he did leave the office, his face was carefully composed as he looked around the flat for Richard. The flat was silent and Sebastian was half-hopeful that Richard had gone, left the flat, disappeared forever. That would solve some of his problems, except then he’d be left vulnerable to all of Moriarty’s enemies.

Then he tried the bedroom. The bathroom light shown a slight patch of light in the otherwise darkened bedroom and Sebastian took a hesitant step inside. He paused to hear soft splashes of bath water. Taking a step forward he found Richard lying in the tub, eyes closed and elbows hanging out of the tub, humming to himself. Sebastian caugh his breath, staring at Jim’s naked body.

“Do you need something?” Richard said softly, making Sebastian jump. Sebastian had always hated how Jim could sense him even if he kept silent and his eyes were closed.

“I didn’t know where you were,” Sebastian answered, quickly averting his eyes to the floor. “I’ll go start making dinner.”

Richard didn’t stir, not even trying to cover himself from the other man’s eyes. Sebastian didn’t know if Richard was angry with him or not but there was definitely a tension in the air and he was glad to escape to the kitchen. He prepared one of Jim’s favorite meals as a peace offering. When the chicken parmesan was plated, Richard now fully clothed, silently glided to the counter, grabbed the plate, and disappeared back to the bedroom.

Fuck. I’ve pissed him off. This was just one of the many ways how Jim would treat Sebastian when he did something wrong. Sebastian always preferred it when Jim resorted to violence rather than silence. He’s not very different than how Jim used to act. No. No, he can’t start going soft for Richard.

Sebastian took his plate to the office and stayed in there all night.

~

The next morning Sebastian came out of the office in surrender. Richard was still in bed but his eyes were open, staring at the ceiling. Sebastian knocked on the door lightly, announcing his presence.

“Can I come in?” Sebastian asked warily, standing in the doorway.

“Yeah,” Richard answered, sitting up and scooted back until he rested against the headboard. Sebastian sat on the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath before blowing it out slowly. He was surprised when Richard asked him, “Why do you hate me so much?”

“I don’t-,” Sebastian started, then stopped himself. His attitude hadn’t exactly been warming.

“It’s because I’m different, isn’t it?” Richard asked, and he didn’t say this angrily but curiously, as if it was a problem he was trying to solve. “I’m not like I used to be.”

“Do you remember who you used to be?” Sebastian asked.

“No. That’s why I was hoping you could tell me.” Richard crossed his legs and waited patiently for Sebastian’s answer.

Sebastian thoughtfully ran a hand through his hair, deciding upon how much to tell. “Well, to tell you the truth I used to be your body guard. I lived with you. That’s what I meant when I said I took care of you.”

“And that’s why your clothes are in my dresser.” Richard stated this as a fact, nodding his head to let Sebastian continue.

“Like I said before, you were a powerful figure in this city, you were important...” He trailed off here. The less Richard knows about his past the better.

Richard cared less about his position and was more interested in his personal life. Elbows on his knees and head in his hands, he leaned forward in rapt attention. Dark brown eyes boring into Sebastian’s with a light spirit, rather than the empty, dangerous glare Sebastian was accustomed to.

“Tell me more about what I liked!” Richard pressed, lighting up at the opportunity he was getting to learn about his past. “Did I have a girlfriend? Oh, probably not. She would’ve come to see me at the hospital, right?”

Well you like to torture people, make them scream, and you enjoyed running the crime of London. Nah, that won’t do, Sebastian thought, slightly miffed at Richard thinking he might have been straight. “You were very intelligent. You knew how to slip through cracks and not leave any trace of evidence behind. You especially loved playing games, which you always tried to come up with because you were bored a lot. You hate being bored. And… you might have been seeing someone. Only it was man, not a woman.”

Sebastian kept his head down, pretending to be interested in picking at his nails. What he was really doing was trying to analyze Richard’s reaction that his previous self was seeing a man. Jim Moriarty had no label. There were rare moments when he admitted to Sebastian being more than just someone to sleep with. Otherwise Jim didn’t allow himself to have feelings for neither female or male.

“Sebastian,” Richard said slowly, almost in the same dangerous tone Jim used to use. “Were you the man I was seeing?” He placed a hand casually on Sebastian’s thigh, as if it were the most natural thing for him to do.

Sebastian stood up quickly. Talking time was over and his heart was pounding quickly. He could not get involved with Richard. He paused by the door when Richard talked again. “I’ve seen the way you look at me. I don’t mind it.”

“I’ll be in the office,” Sebastian said, ignoring the comment. “Don’t interrupt me unless it’s important. You can entertain yourself.” He walked away, trying to slow his thoughts down but all he could think was, You could do it, you know. He’s still Jim, just a different personality. A nicer one that won’t have you killed.

~

When Sebastian was temporarily finished with giving orders and checking up on jobs that needed to be carried out, he found the flat empty. Only a note on the counter with Richard’s handwriting –the exact same as Jim’s used to be- saying he’s gone exploring the city. Sebastian panicked; anything could happen to Richard out in the real world, outside of this protective bubble of a flat.

Sebastian looked around for his mobile, pocketed it, and then couldn’t find his wallet anywhere. Giving up on that, he took the flat keys and locked the door behind him. Once out in the street, he tried to compose the anxiety flooding his mind at the thought of losing Richard. London is huge, he could be anywhere.

Where would Richard go? Sebastian thought to himself, glancing left and right of the street. If I were Richard, what place would sound nice to stop in? Does he even remember London?

Sebastian began to walk down the street, because walking was a good start. How long had he been gone? As Sebastian walked briskly into the busier part of town, his eyes darted everywhere, looking for a sign of Richard. He pushed past people and mistakenly grabbed at one thinking it was Richard, but it wasn't. His heart was pounding in his ears and he felt sick in the stomach. If something was to happen… it would be his fault for letting Richard out of his sight.

After an hour of searching, he still couldn’t find Richard. Sebastian was just about to give up and call in for extra help when he spotted him sitting at a café across the street. Damn him! Sebastian jogged across the street and Richard took notice, waving him over to the table.

“Sebastian, glad you could join me,” Richard said, pulling out a chair for him to sit in. “Guess what? I may not remember much of who I am but I can still remember the city. It took me a while to find this café but something in the back of my mind reminded me that I really liked the tea here.”

Richard looked elated at this but Sebastian wasn’t. He had been so bloody worried that something had happened to Richard! Yet here he was, sipping tea.

He shook his head and tried to keep his voice at level. “What were you thinking?” Sebastian growled, squeezing Richard’s knee under the table in anger. “I’ve been looking all over for you. It’s dangerous for you to be out here alone. What if something had happened?”

“Oh yeah, like what?” Richard asked testily, trying to remove Sebastian’s vice-like grip on his leg.

“I had told you, you were important,” Sebastian scolded him, resisting the urge to bruise him. “You have enemies. What if someone kidnapped you? And what if you got lost? You don’t even have a mobile on you.”

“I told you, I remember London,” Richard said, a smile playing on his lips. “I was going to come home soon. I just came out to walk around and see if my mind was as empty as the nurses made it out to be. Guess what else?”

“What else?” Sebastian asked, rolling his eyes.

“My server said the tea was free! I guess I really was someone important.” Richard was grinning and it seemed truly heartfelt. Sebastian had never seen that look on Jim’s face before. It was like seeing a child discover presents under the tree at Christmas.

“Yeah, well,” Sebastian said resigned. “Don’t ever leave the flat without letting me know again. On our way back to the flat, remind me to stop in the shop and get you a mobile. I’ll show you how it works later.”

“Oh I already know how to work a mobile,” Richard said, waving a hand in dismissal of the idea. “I’ve had a look at yours and it’s quite simple.”

“Had a look?” Sebastian’s jaw was slightly agape. “How did you get in it? It was password protected.”

“Oh, Seb,” Richard laughed, sending chills down Sebastian’s spine. “I may have lost my memory but it doesn’t mean I’m a ponce.”

Chapter Text

On their way back to the flat, Sebastian and Richard stopped in one of the quick shops. Sebastian purchased a plain to-go mobile and a few exercise books in math. He wanted to test Richard’s intelligence and see if people and past events were the only memories missing.

“Do I really have to keep going?” Richard whined as Sebastian set out another few practice problems on the kitchen table. “I’ve proven that I can do calculus, advanced physics, name the constellations and draw their positions on paper. What more do you want?”

“Okay, okay,” Sebastian sighed, taking back the sheet full of algebra problems. “I guess it’s clear you’re very left-brained oriented. Even before the accident though, you were always interested in the logistics of things.”

“What do I lack now?” Richard asked, dropping his pencil. “I’m smart, so what? I still don’t remember people or anything I used to like, besides what you told me earlier. And that wasn’t even much!”

“Well to tell you the truth, I don’t know everything you used to like,” Sebastian said with a huff. “You were secretive for one thing and didn’t tell me much. I’ve come to my own conclusions as to the food you like, what places you like to eat out at, your fashion tastes… As to what motivated you to get up in the morning or what your favorite song was or even your favorite color, I don’t bloody know!”

Frustrated, Sebastian began to pace the tiny kitchen and pulled out a cigarette from his pocket. Once it was lit, Richard wrinkled his nose in distaste.

“Do you have to smoke in here? That’s disgusting,” he said, waving the hazardous fumes away from his face.

Sebastian gave a laugh at that and said, “You hated that too.”

“What good are you for if you can’t even tell me anything about myself!” Richard cried, pushing himself up from the table. “How could we have been together if you don’t know anything about me!”

It was as good as a slap in the face with the way Richard threw that comment at Sebastian. Richard stalked off to his bedroom and slammed the door, leaving Sebastian feeling like the life had been drained out of him.

There’s definitely a bit of Jim still in there, Sebastian thought bitterly, inhaling a deep hit from his cigarette. How could he even say that? He had no idea what we were like. It’s just words to him. Well, let’s see how he can do on his own then.

Sebastian grabbed his essentials and stormed out of the flat. His old flat was still being paid for, though he supposed he might as well go back to living in it. His number was in Richard’s mobile, if he really needed Sebastian he could call. For now, Sebastian didn’t want him to.

~

By evening, it was time for dinner and Sebastian happily made his own meal in his own flat. His mobile began to rang, Richard calling, but Sebastian hit ‘ignore’ and didn’t think twice about calling back.

~

As angry as Sebastian was, he really couldn't be cruel and leave Richard alone, as much as he wanted to. He couldn’t even call for someone else to check up on Richard because there would be too much explaining. Instead he let Richard try and survive a day and a half without him, only going back because Richard had stopped calling and Sebastian had been worried something bad had occurred.

When Sebastian walked in the flat, it was as if nothing had changed and Richard was still in the hospital. The flat was dark and quiet. Sebastian pricked his ears for any sound and walked briskly to the bedroom. Richard was lying on the bed, knees pulled up to his chest. He didn’t move when Sebastian walked to the edge of the bed and sat down.

“Are you over yourself now?” Sebastian asked, hesitating before laying a hand lightly Richard’s leg.

“You don’t understand what I’m going through,” Richard muttered, keeping his gaze at the wall.

“No, I don’t,” Sebastian answered. “But you don’t know how hard it is to be around you. Sometimes you act just like he used to, but you’re not him. You’re someone else.”

Richard sat up on the bed and rested his hand on top of Sebastian’s, only to have Sebastian pull his hand back and stand up abruptly.

“You miss him, don’t you,” Richard said softly, looking down at his hands.

Sebastian didn’t answer and left the room to prepare some lunch. Richard didn’t follow, opting to stay holed in his room. What he did in there to pass the time, Sebastian had no idea. The room was void of any entertainment, save when they had their own shared fun.

Of course Sebastian missed him. Richard was just a copy of Jim who could care less about him. So Richard still had the intelligence and bit of harshness Jim would portray to Sebastian when upset; he still lacked the most important bit of Jim: the part who in the end actually cared for Sebastian, though he rarely expressed the sentiment.

Sebastian just made a plain sandwich for Richard’s lunch and poured a glass of water, carrying it into the bedroom. Richard was still sitting up, staring at the wall. Was he depressed? Sebastian set the plate on the bed, the glass on the night stand and left, stopping at the doorway to take in the scene before him. Richard was too thin, his hair a mess, and he looked like he hadn’t slept properly since arriving in the flat. Just like Jim. Wouldn’t even think twice to share what’s on his mind. Sebastian shook his head sadly and went to eat his own lunch.

~

The two managed to coexist peacefully for a week. Richard ignored Sebastian’s presence and Sebastian ignored Richard’s. They seemed to have an unspoken agreement that Sebastian would stay in the flat, all for Richard’s welfare. Richard had a check-up at the hospital coming up. Sebastian would work in the office and sleep on the couch at night, or try to sleep, since Richard whimpered all night.

The fucking tosser is getting to be a bit of a burden, Sebastian thought bitterly. Don’t know why I haven’t just ended his life by now. All he does is stay in the bedroom and sleep. Must be depressed. Then I’ll have an excuse to end his life for him.

Sebastian tried pressing a pillow to his ear to block out the sound and shut his eyes tight. Richard never mentioned the dreams he must be having. Sebastian never asked. Tired and frustrated, Sebastian pushed off the blanket covering him and stood up from the couch. He walked over to the bedroom and pushed the door open. Standing in the doorway with his arms crossed, he watched Richard being troubled in his sleep.

With a sigh he strolled to the bed and carefully sat down at the edge, trying not to disturb Richard. Jim always slept like the dead. He probably has never had a dream in his life, not that he would have told me. Sebastian hesitantly laid a hand lightly on Richard’s arm to still him. It was the second time he touched Richard, besides the hospital visits.

Richard quieted down, seeming to unconsciously take comfort from Sebastian’s touch. His arm was warm. Sebastian longed to hold Jim in his arms, smell the ridiculously expensive cologne Jim would always wear, feel Jim’s small body spooned inside his. Sebastian stood up and silently went back to the couch to sleep. The whimpering started again.

~

This morning was a little bit different than the rest. Richard walked into the kitchen for breakfast and made Sebastian drop an egg on the floor at the sight of him. He was in Jim’s light gray Westwood suit, the tie was undone, and there was the scent of cologne Jim wore on special occasions- Clive Christian No. 1. The most expensive cologne Jim could buy because Jim liked to buy expensive things.

“Can you help me with this?” Richard asked, holding out his tie to Sebastian.

“Why are you wearing that?” Sebastian demanded, a bit of anger touching his voice. It was an insult to Jim’s memory to have a stranger wearing his suits.

“I noticed I had plenty of suits and I just assumed that’s what I must have regularly worn,” Richard guessed, shrugging his shoulders innocently.

“Well take it off,” Sebastian said gruffly. “You don’t need to dirty it.”

“Okay, okay,” Richard mumbled, throwing his hands up in surrender. “If it bothers you so much I’ll take it off. It’s too bad, I look good in it.”

There’s Jim’s vanity peaking out. Richard retreated into the bedroom to change, leaving Sebastian feeling a bit shaken. It was strange sight to see Richard in Jim’s suit. It almost felt like everything had returned to normal. The scent of the cologne lingered and Sebastian wished everything had been back to normal. Jim, sitting at the table awaiting his breakfast, and Sebastian, preparing something good to eat while discussing his latest assignment. Sebastian shook his head sadly. That was never going to happen again.

Chapter Text

By the time Richard walked back in the kitchen, properly dressed in jeans and a deep red v-neck, Sebastian had breakfast plated.

“Happy now?” Richard asked rhetorically as he took a seat at the table.

Sebastian ignored him and dug into his food, mentally creating a list of chores needing to be done. He needed to check up on a few clients and make sure they were indeed still conducting business after funding some of their projects. He also needed to pay a visit to a retiring employee that was going to be paid off to live somewhere very isolated from civilization. If Sebastian ever saw them again, well, that was just more blood on his hands…

Speaking of, tonight he had a hit to carry out on another employee who thought they could blackmail Sebastian. The deal would be for Sebastian to make monthly payments in order of them to keep their mouth shut that Moriarty was dead. Well, they had no proof but they had started to get suspicious and nosy and that meant only one thing: their contract was to be terminated effective immediately. It was going to be a very busy day.

“Will you be okay if I leave you alone in the flat today?” Sebastian asked, pushing his chair back to bring his plate to the sink.

“Where are you going?” Richard asked, slowly finishing his breakfast.

“I have some errands to run,” Sebastian answered, dumping his plate in the sink. “I’ll be out most of the day, except I’ll be coming back to change clothes before going out again. You’ll be fine just watching the telly or something?”

“I’ll manage,” Richard mumbled.

~

By the time Sebastian arrived at the flat, it was nearing midnight. The kill took a little longer than he expected, since there was no rooftop access for him to settle his rifle. Instead he had had to scope out the building and break into the employee’s flat. (After calling the employee in advance and gave him a trivial order to pursue, therefore ensuring the flat would be empty.) He had already done a background check, and the employee was currently in the middle of a divorce, kicked out and living in a cheap flat on his own. Sebastian had decided it would be easier to shoot the man point blank, with a silencer of course, and had waited patiently in the bedroom. It took a while but the man finally showed up, Sebastian shot him dead before shock could fully register on the man’s face, and then positioned the gun to look like a suicide. Day completed.

What Sebastian didn’t expect was the scene was about to walk in when he came back to Richard’s flat.

All the lights were on and the low murmur of the telly could be heard over a muffled choking sound coming from the bedroom. Sebastian leaned over the couch to grab the remote and turn the telly off, catching a glimpse of broken plastic on the wooden floor. He walked closer and realized it was Jim’s laptop, broken with its screen cracked on the ground. His heart began to pound anxiously as he listened for Richard, and turned towards the bedroom to hear sobbing.

Pushing the bedroom door open slightly, Sebastian called in, “Richard?”

“LEAVE ME ALONE,” Richard screamed back at him, throwing something at the door. It was the mobile Sebastian had got him, that landed with a crack on the floor at his foot.

“Richard, what happened?” Sebastian asked calmly, stepping into the room.

Richard turned around to face Sebastian and the light showed his reddened eyes.

“What happened to the laptop, Richard?” Sebastian asked soothingly, trying his best to edge closer to Richard.

“I saw enough to know about the monster I was- I was before the accident,” Richard choked out, flinching as Sebastian lightly laid a hand on his shoulder.

Sebastian pulled back his hand and took in a deep breath. How could he know? What does he know?

“Can you explain to me what you mean?” Sebastian questioned. Jim was always out of control when angry, who knew if Richard would be the same.

“THE LAPTOP!” Richard yelled, jumping up abruptly from the bed. He startled Sebastian as he began to pace the room, breathing heavily. “I saw it ALL!”

“How? You may have gotten access to the laptop but the files were password protected,” Sebastian said, shaking his head slowly.

Richard let out a sharp laugh and it scared Sebastian. Richard was lit like a fuse about to go off.

“It was easy peasy,” Richard said mockingly. “It didn’t take long for me to rack my mind and figure it out. Do you want to know what the password was? Do you want to know how simple it really was to break in? It was MORAN08.”

“How- how did you know that?” Sebastian asked, gaping at him. 2008 was the year Jim had taken Sebastian on a “business” trip that really turned out to be a get-away vacation. It was the first and only time Jim had ever said, “I love you.”

“There’s a picture of you on the background of the laptop, on a beach with a towel wrapped around your waist,” Richard answered, rolling his eyes. “It was time stamped. I doubt I’m the genius you make me to be, to have had such an obvious password hint staring me right in the face.”

Sebastian just stared at him, unable to speak. It was like a weight was lifted from his shoulders for Richard to know, if he knew who he was but…

“The files were remarkably graphic and the details…,” Richard said, he stopped pacing, bringing his hands to his face as his shoulders began to shake. “I had people killed, Sebastian. I had you kill them. There was even one video file… I can’t believe the things I’ve done to people.” His voice dropped to a mumble and Sebastian had to strain his ears to catch the sentence. “…’Should have just let me die. Now I have to do it the hard way.”

Sebastian caught his gaze and noticed the overturned pill bottle lying on the bed, a few pills spilling from it. Sebastian shifted his eyes back to Richard and felt his stomach drop as he realized sickly what Richard had done. Without giving himself a moments pause, Sebastian lurched at Richard, pushing him back on to the floor with a loud ‘thump’ and easily flipped Richard on to his stomach. He pushed the weaker man in a kneeling position and shoved his fingers deep down Richard’s throat, trying to get the gag reflex working. With a heave, Richard’s stomach contracted and vomit spilled from his mouth. He hoped he wasn’t too late.

Sebastian stood up again and hopped over the spoiled carpet, going into the bathroom to start running the bath. He removed the razor, just in case. Once the temperature was set and the bath filling up, Sebastian returned to Richard who was lying crumpled on the floor. He easily picked Richard up by the collar and carried him to the bathroom, sitting him on the toilet as he began to wipe his mouth clean with a wash cloth. He made Richard brush his teeth and then get in the bath, turning his back to Richard to let the man undress in privacy.

Once Richard was in the tub, Sebastian set out to clean the carpet. He’d just gotten rid of the clean up crew, as he was slowly preparing the end of the empire Jim had created.

Half an hour later, Sebastian went into the bathroom to check up on Richard, who was brooding in the bath. Sebastian took a seat on the floor next to the bath, his body sagging after an exhausting day.

“Why did you do that?” Sebastian asked, looking at Richard with a hint of sadness behind his eyes. Twice now Jim tried to leave him. Even Jim’s fucked up amnesia self didn’t even want to live with Sebastian.

“Because I don’t want to live anymore,” Richard growled. “You must be stupider than you look.”

Sebastian continued to pester him, “But why don’t you want to live? Isn’t there a reason?”

“Of course there’s a reason,” Richard answered, shaking his head in disgust. “My life has no purpose now. I don’t do anything with it. I’m just locked up in this flat with nothing to do. The nightmares… they come at night and they never leave me alone. And now, now I know I used to be some low, petty criminal? A murderer on top of that. How am I supposed to live with myself after finding that out? And you, you’re not any better. My ‘right hand man’. I suppose all you’ve been doing while I’m locked up here is taking care of the dirty work. I can’t even look at you. You disgust me.”

It was too much for Sebastian to handle. He should have just let Richard die; better yet, he should have killed him when he first brought him home. There was no hope of things getting back to how they were. In the end, there was only one solution.

Sebastian stood up and left the bathroom, Richard stared after him. The banks were closed so he’d have to go in the morning. He went into his office and called Hayes, the employee who had made the false identity for Sebastian to be able to visit Richard in the hospital, and ordered another fake i.d. to be ready in the morning. This time for Richard.

Next he went back to Richard’s room, dragging out a luggage from the back of the closet and started to pack Richard’s clothes, ignoring the hundred questions being hurled at him from Richard. Richard stood in the doorway of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, watching Sebastian move around the room packing things. Frustrated at Sebastian’s refusal to answer any questions, Richard stepped up and grabbed his arm, forcing Sebastian to stop and look at him.

“I’ve been asking, what are you doing?” Richard said, gripping Sebastian’s arm rather tight.

“I’m packing for you,” Sebastian answered gruffly, shaking his arm free. “I’ve decided you’re going to leave London.”

“And where exactly am I going?” Richard asked, arms folded across his chest.

“To start over with a new life,” Sebastian said, finished with the clothes and moving to pack bathroom necessities. “You’re right. You have no purpose here. Tomorrow morning I’ll go to the bank and get you all the money you need to start a new life. You’ll have a new identity and you can do whatever the fuck you want. Obviously you never needed me. You just needed a way out.”

“But I’m still stuck with the nightmares, Sebastian,” Richard said, surprising him with the way he was able to say Sebastian’s name. “I can’t just get rid of the knowledge of what I’ve been.”

“It won’t be easy,” Sebastian said, taking a seat on the bed. “But you’ll manage, you always do.”

“But I don’t know how to take care of myself!” Richard exclaimed, he began to pace the room again nervously. “I don’t know how to survive outside this flat.”

“That’s what happens when you depend on someone who disgusts you,” Sebastian said bitterly. He stood up to leave but Richard grabbed at his arm again.

“Wait,” Richard said, releasing his grip when Sebastian made no attempt to move. “Can’t… can’t you come with me? I’ll- I’ll pay you to be my bodyguard or whatever you were before. You can live your own life with me somewhere else; you’ll just have to cook me food and make sure I don’t do anything stupid like take a bunch of pills.”

“I don’t know why I should,” Sebastian muttered, turning his back on Richard, “since you hate me so much and all.”

“I don’t hate you,” Richard said desperately. He was on his knees, grasping Sebastian’s leg pleadingly. “I know I loved you once, maybe I could again.”

“What makes you think I’d want to be with you?” Sebastian uttered harshly, keeping his gaze ahead of him. His demeanor was one of someone who didn’t care but really his heart was beating faster at the prospect of disappearing with Richard. After all, starting over was what Sebastian wanted for himself anyway.

“Because you could have had me killed anytime this week,” Richard said calmly, standing up from the floor. “There’s something that’s stopping you from killing me. Face it, you never stopped loving me.”

Sebastian turned around to face him. “Just go to sleep, Richard,” he said, resigned. He was exhausted and all he wanted to do was shut his mind off for a few hours.

“Fine, but I won’t be going anywhere tomorrow,” Richard said, turning around to move the luggage off his bed. Sebastian ignored the comment and went to sleep on the couch.

Chapter Text

An hour later a piercing scream jerked Sebastian awake. He could have sworn he had just shut his eyes to sleep a minute ago, but no, all he had gotten was a precious one hour of unconsciousness. He jumped up from the couch and ran towards the source of the screaming. Of course, it was coming from Richard’s room. He flicked on the light to find it was just Richard screaming in his sleep. Nightmares, again.

This time instead of ignoring it, he bloody well couldn’t after all, he flicked off the light and slid under the sheets of the bed. Richard had ceased the screams but his body twitched and he whimpered from the dreams haunting his mind. Sebastian hesitated to put a hand on Richard’s shoulder but when he did, the twitching stopped. The whimpering silenced as Sebastian slid an arm over Richard’s waist and pulled him against his chest.

It was all too familiar to have Richard in his arms and it made him think of Jim. That’s how Jim liked to sleep, with Sebastian’s arm around him, to make him feel protected. Sebastian would have taken a bullet for Jim, and it was too bloody bad Jim hadn’t let him.

Oh, Jim, Sebastian sighed. Why did you have to leave me? He thought of what Richard had said earlier. I know I loved you once, maybe I could again. Would he want him to? By noon he would have Richard ready to go away somewhere, hidden. Safe? Nowhere was safe for Richard, the man the wrong people would recognize as Moriarty. Could he really leave London with Richard? Try again? He still had the false identity Hayes had made for him.

Sebastian contemplated the proposition all night. Should I? Shouldn’t I? He didn’t fall back asleep. He watched the room slowly light up as the sun began to rise and carefully removed himself from the bed. Only, Richard turned on his back and opened one bleary eye at Sebastian. Of course he would; Jim always seemed to sense when Sebastian got up no matter how careful he was.

“I wish you wouldn’t have gotten up so soon,” Richard said, covering a yawn. “You were keeping me warm.”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d mind that I had shared the bed with you,” Sebastian said uncomfortably. He rubbed his arm nervously, standing by the bed and wanting to move around, do something other than face this uncomfortable moment.

“Come lay back down with me,” Richard commanded, patting the space next to him.

“Is that an order?” Sebastian asked, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. Who does he think he is, bossing me around?

As if reading his mind, Richard replied, “Well I was, or rather am, still your boss, aren’t I? Since I don’t think I fired you…”

Richard sure was taking up the authoritative role fast. Sebastian hesitated, wondering if it was healthy to be molding Richard into the man he used to be instead of helping him be whoever he wanted. Richard patted the bed again and Sebastian sat down, rather than lie beside him. Baby steps.

Pouting, Richard sat up and rested his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. He sighed. “How am I supposed to forget what I used to be?”

“You don’t necessarily have to forget,” Sebastian said, relaxing against Richard. “You just have to accept who you used to be and move on. So you were a criminal mastermind. Is that really so bad?”

“I took innocent lives, Sebastian,” Richard said softly. “How can I accept that? How could you do it too?”

“They weren’t always so innocent,” Sebastian answered, trying his best to console him. “You saved my life, you know.”

“Oh yeah, how?” Richard asked, amused.

“I was a military man,” Sebastian started, digging up the memory, “discharged, and in a bad place after the war. I probably would have killed myself from drinking too much. You found me and offered me a job, kept me alive. I owed you.”

“I guess now you owe me nothing, after saving my life- twice,” Richard said quietly, lifting his head from Sebastian’s shoulder to look him in the eye. “I should probably thank you for that, only, you want me to leave.”

He was unnervingly close to Sebastian. So close that if he titled his head down an inch their lips would be touching.

“I don’t know what I want,” Sebastian muttered, turning his head away from the temptation to pull Richard into a deep kiss.

Richard bravely grabbed Sebastian’s jaw and turned his head to face him. “I can’t promise you I’ll be the man I once was. Maybe if you talk to me, tell me openly and honestly about the memories we shared, maybe you can help me remember some of the good ones. Maybe I won’t ever be normal, but maybe I can be enough.”

Sebastian gave a low laugh. “You were never normal,” he said, and daringly leaned in for a kiss. He pulled back, searching Richard’s face for a clue as to how he felt, adrenaline flowing through his veins. Richard pulled him in for another kiss, rough and biting his lip, that Sebastian chuckled at the familiarity.

Richard stopped and pulled back, looking worried as he asked, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” Sebastian breathed, feeling the corners of his lips twitch into a smile. “You are Jim, you just can’t remember.”

~

Sebastian took a shower and put some clothes on, finding Richard after in the kitchen eating cereal out of a bowl.

“So what’s on the agenda today? Am I still leaving London?” Richard asked, his eyes following Sebastian into the kitchen. He put the finished bowl down into the sink and crossed his arms as he watched the other man.

“Yes,” Sebastian answered, preparing for himself some oatmeal. “I was thinking though… I could come away with you, if you want,” he said hesitantly.

“Please do,” Richard said hastily. He quickly averted his eyes to the tiles on the floor, embarrassed.

Sebastian felt himself feeling a bit nervous around Richard. It was all new again- the anxiety of doubting whether the other truly had feelings or not and the pressure to make a move.

Sebastian cleared his throat to ask, “Any idea of where you want to go?”

“Didn’t you have some place in mind for me?” Richard asked looking back up at him, he smiled weakly.

“To be honest, I was just going to give you some money and let you on your own,” Sebastian replied, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I was a bit infuriated with you last night.”

Richard nodded, recalling the events from the night. “I’m really sorry about that,” he said softly. “That place though, the one that you were the background of on the laptop, that place looked nice.”

“It was,” Sebastian said, smiling at the memory. “We could go back there. St. Kitts is the place, in the Leeward Islands. You had actually bought a place, isolated from the rest of society. You told me we were going to go back but we never did.”

“Okay,” Richard said, following Sebastian to the table. “So we have a place to live. What about money? Will you need to get a job? Will I need to get a job?”

“No,” Sebastian answered, shaking his head. He swallowed a spoonful of oatmeal and told him just exactly how much money they both had in the bank. Richard’s mouth dropped. “After I eat, I’ll pack my own bag and we should be getting your passport from Hayes within the hour. We can stop at the bank on our way to the airport.”

“So we’ll just disappear then?” Richard asked, a smile growing on his face. It was strange to see how easy Richard could smile, when it was rare for Jim to express such an emotion like happiness.

“We’ll just disappear,” Sebastian repeated. “It’ll take some time switching our money to another independent banker who can hold our money and be discreet with our identities. But essentially, we’ll disappear and no one will be able to contact us.”

“Thank you,” Richard said, taking Sebastian’s hand in his.

“For what?” Sebastian asked, surprised.

Richard smiled up at him, for once his usually darkened eyes were bright and alive. “For not giving up on me,” Richard said.

~

Two days later Sebastian and Richard landed at St. Kitts, after paying off an independent air company to fly them out. It took a bit of figuring out where their home was but eventually they did. It really was isolated from everyone else.

It was a beautiful home with a beach access. All polished wood and entire walls made of glass to look out on the ocean. Richard looked at Sebastian with a grin on his face.

“This looks amazing. Do we really own it?” Richard said ecstatically.

His smile was infectious and had Sebastian grinning like an idiot. This was definitely the right decision. It’s the perfect getaway to help ease Richard’s troubled mind. A do-over, for the two of them. Sebastian fumbled for a key in his pocket and finding it, hastily dragged his baggage forward to unlock the door.

“Wow,” Richard said, awed as he stepped inside with his luggage. “Just, wow. Thank you for taking me here.” He stood on his tiptoes to peck Sebastian on the cheek, taking him by surprise. Richard was at ease here, who couldn’t be?

“Your bedroom is the first room on the left of the hallway,” Sebastian said, standing in the open living room. He went to take a seat on one of the three deep red fabric couches. He sank down on the sofa, propping his feet on a dark brown coffee table. Across from Sebastian an eight foot expanse of gray stone running up the wall where the widescreen telly was set up. On either sides of the stone were sliding glass doors, for beach access.

Richard came back from inspecting the bedroom, eyes wide in awe. “Are we sharing the bedroom?” he asked hopefully. He added, “I sleep better when you’re next to me.”

“If you want to we can,” Sebastian answered, a small smile creeping up on his face. He’d take any excuse to hold Richard at night. It was almost like having Jim back, almost. Minus the evil genius plans.

Richard sauntered over to the couch where Sebastian was sitting and plopped down next to him. It was nice to see Richard look truly happy for once.

“Sebastian?” Richard said, biting his lower lip.

“Yes?” Sebastian replied, amused.

“Want to go for a swim?” Richard asked.

“Sure,” Sebastian said, smirking at Richard’s elusiveness.

Richard got up from the couch and peeled off his shirt, throwing it on the ground. Sebastian followed suit, pausing as Richard stopped by the door and dropped his trousers and pants on the floor.

“Coming?” Richard asked, cocking an eyebrow suggestively.

“Of course,” Sebastian grinned, undressing the last of his clothes. Richard was already out the door, making his way towards the water as Sebastian stood back, appreciating the view.

Maybe, possibly, they could live a normal life. Granted they didn’t get bored.